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helena-thessaloniki · 3 years

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Hi Helena! Big fan of your writing here🥺♥️ Your rivamika fics are my safe space 😭 (if you have time to answer) i’d love to know when you first started shipping them, why, and what made you continue to love this ship (or anything else to do with your journey as an RM shipper)? i love your characterisation of both levi and mikasa individually, but even more so, your portrayal of their dynamic as a couple, which is why i wanted to ask so badly ☺️ x

Hey anon! Oh woah, first of all, thank you so much. Second of all, oh god, you probably shouldn't have handed me the mic. heh 😅

I’m afraid to look at the word count of this response, I’m sure it’s much more than you bargained for, but I appreciate the question and enjoyed thinking through my response (: Most importantly, I’m so glad you find my stories as a safe space. It’s really an honor. Thank you for sharing with me 🖤🖤

TL; DR As a longtime reader, writer and lover of stories and story-telling, by being someone who pays attention to how stories are crafted and deliberately developed from beginning to end, I sincerely thought Isayama was setting up rivamika as an endgame relationship. So, I read into and interpreted meaning out of ALL their interactions and became deeply invested.

I don’t necessarily ship them cause of the parallels, age gap, enemies to lover trope, height difference, or some of those common reasons and/or kinks. I’m more basic and boring than that. I love the concept of them coming together as though it’s inevitable.

They both are unbelievably strong, selfless, and have suffered so much loss— so, no one else could truly understand them as well as they can understand each other. They both probably would have always settled for a stable, simple life, and been alone and lonely even without realizing it— instead, they find each other, and realize what it means to actually no longer be alone, to do more than just survive. It’s this understated bond, as opposed to a dramatic and passionate romance, that I envision in them and that I love so much.

Then, the passion, heat, the romantic "spark"— I think that’s an added bonus, the cherry on top, the perfect final puzzle piece. They’re both so physically capable, can speak through their actions, and don’t show much need or capacity for emotional/ verbal communication, so the ability to connect with each other through physical intimacy and mind-blowing sex seems like another given.

Still, at the end of the day, for me it comes back to their ability to fully depend on each other, to the inevitability. Not like some soulmate trope where they 'have no choice' in it, but like the stars aligned to prove it's right. How each of them have only one other person on the whole planet who could see and understand them, to be on par with them, to make them realize there’s more to life than settling and surviving, and they happen to find it in each other.

You asked, I rambled 😅 Here’s a breakdown of my thought process in my rivamika journey. For those who make it to the end or want to skip to the end, I'll finish with the excerpt of the very first rivamika scene I felt compelled to to write.

I've tried before to re-watch and remember the exact scenes, exact moments, that initially captured my full attention, but I guess it was all of them, the gradual and cumulative compilation of their earliest interactions.

Mikasa always appearing cool and indifferent, and paying no attention whatsoever to others fawning over, like Jean initially falling for her, but then her strongly reacting over Levi in the courtroom showed how uniquely capable he was at getting under her skin.

Of course, the scene in the forest chasing the Female Titan was a critical one. I think of that as the first time both Levi and Mikasa were truly able to see the other's strength, mental and physical. And for them, orphans and trauma survivors who have suffered extensive loss, I think that seeing strength in another person made them feel less alone. Less alone in a deep, quiet but cataclysm, life-altering sort of way, even if not a romantic one. Like they didn't know it was something they didn't have, something they didn't expect to get from life, but then found it with each other.

(Even when we found out Levi was an Ackerman, I was disappointed if it meant they were immediate relatives, but willing to accept it wouldn't be a romantic end to loneliness, it would be a familial end to loneliness. But... the author never explored that. Not once.)

In that forest scene, manga and anime, the way that Levi pauses to really look and see Mikasa and think about who she is, what she’s gone through, and how strong and dedicated she is now— that was a defining moment. It was also a visual demonstration of Levi breaking character, from aloof and ruthless, to considering and curious. I thought Yams was showing both of them do that on purpose.

Then, Levi getting hurt because of Mikasa in that scene felt like another clue. Sure, it was while saving Eren, and sure, it could have been meant to humanize super-soldier Levi, or sure, it could have been another aspect of how Mikasa rushing into things over Eren ends up hurting other people that later changes in her character development, but it felt like a very pointed statement about Mikasa being a vulnerability for Levi. And that's swoon-worthy, right? Most of us have been exposed to and conditioned by stories about how special and romantic it is to be the one and only girl who can make an otherwise disinterested or unattainable guy actually pay attention to her, and so admittedly I fall right for it.

I’m sure I’m forgetting plenty, but the opening of season 3 felt like confirmation. When Levi figures out Kenny's behind things and entrusts Mikasa with instructions to share with the others, instructions about fighting people instead of titans that ultimately everyone else besides her struggles with, and when Mikasa lets Levi hold her back from chasing after Eren, her most important way of trusting and having faith in Levi, I honestly took that as cues from the author that rivamika was endgame. I let myself get truly invested from then on. That’s that understated bond I was referring to. To me, that unspoken but undeniable trust is the most important dynamic.

Seeing them fight together or fight similarly has always been fun and powerful and fulfilling.

I'm newer to the snk club. I was originally an anime-only fan and started watching in fall 2019, I think. I wasn't on tumblr, twitter, or anything else to see fandom discourse. So, I didn't know that the rooftop scene of Mikasa fighting Levi over the serum was such a staple for our ship until much later. I love the scene just like many do for all the reasons we do, but I don't think the actual scene was pivotal for me, so much as it's aftermath. I thought it represented two things.

One, it was an important marker in Levi's characterization. Hands-down one of the most striking scenes to me is the one where Levi is in the alley, somber and alone, listening in on Eren, Armin, and Mikasa talking together. It artfully shows his longing for hope and connection. So, when Levi chose Armin for the serum, that represented Levi choosing hope. And when Mikasa ultimately gave up fighting Levi and didn't choose Armin, which Armin finds out about later on, I see that as an important marker in Mikasa's development. It puts a wedge between her and Armin/Eren [Armin, because he knows she would have let him die, and Eren, because Armin is too special to him and he couldn't look at her the same way after realizing she would have let him die]. That distance between her and her childhood friends is one I don't think could ever be healed completely, one of those painful lessons in growing up. By doing that, it then also puts a distance in Mikasa's own childhood self to her current self. I thought that matured her and separated her out in a way that was another clue toward eventual rivamika developments.

That's a whole other conversation on Mikasa, but I’ll stay on track. Her love for Armin was absolutely authentic and fierce, but at the end of the day, at the core of her being, she chose survival over hope. Meanwhile, Levi chose hope over survival. To me, that was soft, fertile ground for the reasons why eventually, if/when Mikasa found hope and chose hope, that could directly tie together with her inevitably in coming together with Levi. Again, less butterflies and fireworks, but more natural and in a way that was just a given.

I wrote Beyond the Walls before reading the manga from the Marley Arc and on, so that's why most of that story is her journey into embracing that hope. *manga spoilers* There's a lot of meta, criticism and talk about Mikasa's silent, off-screen and subtle style of character development in the Marley Arc and afterward. I won't go down that road, I'm still processing the end of the manga to be honest, but I think it's fair to say she does eventually end up choosing hope over survival when she lets go of Eren and saves humanity instead. I love the “Stay with Me” line and think it’s perfect; a simple but profound display of trust and their deep-rooted bond in a really understated way. *end manga spoilers*

Here's something I always wanted to talk about in full but haven't. It honestly reads to me like Yams was building toward rivamika, and didn’t do anything to stop that until too late. There are tools authors can use to ensure we stop shipping a pair or start shipping a new one; love triangles are commonly used in every artistic medium and we’ve all been persuaded by these tools. But Yams didn’t use these tools to make sure readers didn’t feel convinced by rivamika. For all the reasons I listed above, more I'm forgetting, and for the following:

If he wanted us to think they were family and it would be incest, he should have added in a conversation between them realizing they were (close) family and that they weren't the only ones left in their biological family like they thought. But he didn't.

If he wanted us to think it was completely inappropriate between a child-and-adult and student-and-teacher, then he could have done something to ensure Mikasa looked childish or Levi looked older, but no. They barely look ten years apart. I do think it's unacceptable and that there's a power imbalance between a child-and-adult relationship regardless of that, and that there can't be true consent when one is a superior and another a subordinate, so I personally age-up Mikasa in my head and try to handle his position of power responsibly in my writings... but the point being, by the end of canon, there's no inappropriate or non-consensual romance between them, yet there's a lot of history and chemistry that could naturally lead to an age-appropriate and consensual relationship. If Yams didn't want us to think so, he could have made it more clear that there were reasons it wouldn't happen.

The only thing that makes sense to me is the author planned on rivamika endgame but was shamed/pressured out of it (either internally or due to others) OR that the author somehow accidentally created such vibrant chemistry and an incredible dynamic between them. Like, he didn't put enough convincing substance of eremika in, didn't make Levi look old enough, didn’t have one of them do something unforgivable in the other’s eyes, etc. Those are some of those tools he could have used. Romance was never a key component in snk. And since we now know Yams planned or needed eremika endgame for sake of plot and the conclusion of the manga, I personally think he didn't know what to do with the riveting rivamika substance and chemistry being much more convincing to readers. Once he had them so well built-up, maybe the only option he felt he had was to just stop putting the characters together. We get little-to-no rivamika interaction, platonic or practical, after season 3 all the way up until the very end. But there was so much of it beforehand ?? So, it simply doesn't make sense. I think the author just straight-up cut any and all interactions out between them because it was too convincing and moving, more convincing and substantial than eremika. But, as the end of canon shows, we needed to have some eremika buy-in. It's messy writing and unskilled in the romance department, but considering for how long and how complicated snk has been in a creative process and how lackluster the eremika romance (the main and apparently pivotal romance) is developed, I think it’s plausible to say the author effed up.

As far as writing fanfiction goes, there's just so much room to explore them. In canon, we aren't given enough insight into their individual perspectives, let alone their dynamic together, so it feels like a blank canvas to work from. I think that's part of why I love to write them, and also why I don't necessarily read much of them. When I first started shipping them while watching the anime, I read a few of the classics that were canon-verse, but I haven’t really read much since. For me, exploring and discovering them as a writer is the most fun. (It's one of the reasons Naruto and Harry Potter have such large fanfiction collections. There's so much world-building and so many characters, but there's also so much left to the imagination.)

In general, I'm drawn to strong characters, especially women, who are multidimensional enough to be real, vulnerable and soft. Mikasa is the pinnacle of that. I don’t necessarily like to write about her love or infatuation with Eren, but I do respect and admire and consider it integral to her character and her amazing capacity to love. We can have strong, kickass women who falter when it comes to love but are still considered strong for it. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive and Mikasa is a beautiful example of that.

And Levi is strong, but real and vulnerable too; he’s honestly a fantastically developed character, from Petra explaining to Eren in the beginning how he’s not the amazing hero he’s painted to be to the public, to how Levi genuinely cares for Erwin and others and chooses hope despite all he’s suffered.

The end of the manga wrecked me a bit. Kind of like Games of Thrones. You have something that was so epic and well-done for so long, a rushed ending that isn't immediately sensical and isn't fulfilling is hard to stomach. Eventually, I'll move on from the denial of that and process what I think and feel about it. The whole reason we have fanfiction is to expand on canon, but it's made me put rivamika on the back burner until I figure it out. So I'm a little less hyper-fixated on the pairing right now even though interacting with you all and asks like this remind me what brought me here in the first place. 😊

To conclude, I’ll share that the very first rivamika content I wrote was a compilation of moments I thought could be inserted into season 3. These are still moments I plan to edit and publish one day. For anyone that actually read this far, I’ll put a rough and unedited excerpt of the first scene I ever wrote about them.

Thank you again anon 🖤😊

BEGIN EXCERPT [after the rooftop fight for the serum, immediately following the ceremony where Eren touched Historia by kissing her hand]:

Part of her was embarrassed at such a flagrant act of disobedience to a superior, especially to one who saved her and countless others' lives in the past. But mostly, she was anguished by the situation Captain Levi put her in once he revoked the serum meant to save Armin and planned to use it on Commander Erwin instead. Her current ostracization and self-loathing was not entirely her own fault. Anger she felt toward herself was just as easy to wield against him.

It must have shown in the grit of her teeth or defiant tone, because he turned to look at her, more aloof than curious.

Like a flint struck to steel, it ignited the fury she felt toward him.

“I shouldn’t have hesitated. I should have just killed you,” she answered him at last, piercing him with eyes darker than the night.

He wasn’t concerned. “You’re good, but not that good.”

Her hands fell to her side, fists clenched as she stood with a single, fluid movement. Before she could let loose a threat, he sighed.

“What’s the problem, Ackerman?” He was dismissive, his shoulders relaxed and posture loose.

The fire too furious to contain, she went sailing for him with the same speed from the battlefield. Her fingers already curled, she tightened her grasp as she swung her fist into his gods-damned apathetic face.

Levi wasn’t unprepared. He easily side-stepped her, then snatched her wrist to steal her momentum. Though he tried to toss her aside, she was no less fast; Mikasa dug her heel in and spun, her other arm shoving hard into his chest.

Too graceful to stumble, Levi used the chance to hook her second arm too. He caged both her wrists in a grip so strong, she was sure it bruised her bones. Still, he only looked at her warily, almost bored.

“Shouldn’t you be grateful? I chose Armin.” If his reminder was meant to ease her anger, it had the opposite effect.

Fury and desperation gifted her additional strength. She shoved into his chest hard. Levi shifted backward, nearly forced into loosening his grip; within that split second of an opening, Mikasa slammed her elbow into his chin, rocking his head backward.

“You did,” she seethed, but as fast as the fire inside her exploded, it was doused. Her next words came out broken and damp. “But I didn’t.”

Levi remained stern and otherwise unmoving as he attempted to flex his jaw through the spasm of pain. As the momentum of the fight died down, he loosened his hold on her wrists and evaluated her distraught frame.

Mikasa immediately released her own hands and turned away from him, eyes stinging from tears she refused to shed as she focused on the stars ahead. Admitting the harsh words aloud hurt her far more than any injury she could inflict onto him.

Not only was Armin one of the only friends she had, but he’d been a steadfast one throughout almost all she could remember of her life. After the trauma of her childhood, it was Eren and Armin who embraced her, whom she learned to love. Now, though, there was a wedge between her and Armin she was not sure could ever be removed. What was worse, as deplorable and selfish as she knew it proved her to be, was the painful wedge it now put between her and Eren too.

Once again, she found Levi standing at the peripheral of her sight, close enough to see but far enough to be a blur at the edge of her watery vision.

“You almost killed me.” Levi repeated his earlier words, but he said them with an odd bite, torn between frustration and patience. “You would have killed me to save him.”

Too late, Mikasa realized he hadn’t meant these words as an accusation, but an odd form of validation. She bit her bottom lip, teeth puncturing too hard; the tang of metal was sharp on her tongue when she swallowed blood.

“You thought about letting your closest friend die,” Levi said quietly, tiredly. “But I did let mine die. I left him for dead, when I could have saved him.”

Mikasa was startled from her selfish reverie, for the first time acknowledging the sacrifice he made on that fateful afternoon. She’d been too absorbed in her own relief, and then, her own regrets to consider what the decision had done to him.

For a brief moment, she considered turning to face him, but the stark reality of the matter made her refrain. How could she feel pity for his loss, when his loss enabled her gain? An uncomfortable knot tightened in her stomach.

“Tch,” Levi sighed. He was only one notch less taciturn, but for him, that was soft. “You’ll live with your guilt, and I’ll live with mine.”

His words granted Mikasa’s tears the permission to spill. She buried her face further into her scarf, both hands trembling at the worn threads. As quietly as he arrived onto the roof, Levi disappeared from it.

It was rare for him to indulge in alcohol or celebrations, but Erwin’s absence felt more tangible than his presence ever did. Levi distracted himself with the chaos of the few remaining Scouts that Erwin had died entrusting his legacy to, and attempted to drown the pain with whatever drink Connie Springer shoved into his hands.

He found Hanji with their ale long-forgotten about on the table as they half-stood from their seat, frantic while explaining some morbid experiment in great, vivid detail to an unsuspecting and slightly horrified MP officer.

Though Levi wordlessly took the seat beside them, Hanji paused their rant to slap him hard on the back, an enthusiastic greeting flying from their drunken lips. The MP took this chance to excuse himself, a pathetic attempt at politeness, but Hanji either didn’t care or didn’t notice.

“Ah, Levi,” they smiled at his drink, though it didn’t entirely reach their one eye. “Where you been?”

Levi didn’t answer. “You know, shitty-glasses, you’re even more unbearable about your experiments when you’re drunk.”

Hanji waved dismissively and reached for their ale. Years spent in battle and command together had gifted both of them with an eased familiarity, and sometimes, genuine friendship. In the same manner he ignored their question, Hanji ignored his lack of response and went on with their original inquiry.

“Careful, Captain,” Hanji warned lightly. “Now that there’s far fewer Scouts, you having a favorite might cause some division.”

Even though Hanji meant the words, there was a glint of mischief that twinkled in their remaining eye.

“It’s not favoritism,” Levi countered bluntly, turning his vision toward the young man on the far side of the room. “Eren is simply the best chance that we have in this war.”

Hanji laughed as if he’d made a joke and Levi looked back to stare at them, unable to be surprised at their quirks or oddities any longer, but still a touch curious about what spurned this current demonstration.

“I wasn’t talking about Eren,” Hanji said at last, a pointed nod toward his injured chin.

Levi blinked. He didn’t realize he was nursing his injury with the hand not on his drink. As though it were too hot to touch, Levi dropped his hand.

Hanji was not judgmental, nor inquisitive. In a war-torn life of losing too many cadets entrusted to him, the fact that Levi found a soldier with the strength and skill to remain safe was not only rare, but worth special attention. Still, it made him too lenient.

“Sometimes I think you’d let her get away with murder,” Hanji chided halfheartedly.

When he thought of Erwin dead in his grasp, sometimes he wasn’t sure if he already had.

#my asks #my thoughts #rivamika #rivamika fanfic #lena writes

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jiminrings · 3 years

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Can I request a drabble, hobi is kinda like a band singer and Y/N is like his old time friend and they like had a falling out bc he got super successful but years after they're like together again? IS IT TOO SPECIFIC UHM :")

parallel

pairing: hoseok x y/n

wordcount: 4k

glimpse: hobi’s kind of an asshole and is vERY much emotionally repressed, y/n’s serotonin is dependent on wearing bridesmaid gowns, the dwindling one-sided pining anD the everlasting question of where the fuck was hoseok when you needed him :D // gif is from pinterest!

notes: this drabble really hits close to home and tysm for the request babe!! even if i’m a month late yeesh :O

you can’t believe yourself either when you say it

but holy shit — weddings are definitely your thing!

there’s something about the union of marriage that gets your head into overdrive but in a gOOD way

there’s just something so pulling about last-minute changes and family drama and awkward trips to the restroom that make your mind mHMMMM THIS IS IT CHIEF

yea granted that not every wedding you go and participate in isn’t exactly straight out of a rom-com

lmao sometimes it’s so obvious that the bride doesn’T love the groom but hey!!! who’s keeping tabs :D

you love wedding environments so much that here you are, two years out of uni and a couple of gigs later — couples are LITERALLY fighting over you

heh not to brag but uh

you weren’t recognized as best wedding planner for two years in a row and have your face in multiple covers of bridal magazines and such

time magazine recognized you as one of the most influential people in the scene last year but hey !!!!! no big deal lads

“i am asking you for just one minute, y/n!! stop being a wedding planner and start being my maid of honor!!”

nayeon exasperates and tugs you by your sleeve, having already noticed your second nature of taking charge the moment you entered the hall

after all, this is just cake tasting! that’s why she’s brought her maid of honor to help her out, nOT immediately go fishing for a clipboard

“well if the planner you hired wasn’t so sloppy-...” it’s a fact! he relies too much on his tablet and doesn’t even have any paper with him, and even if he’s already using a tablet, he doesn’t even use different colors to mark out!

apparently nayeon can’t handle the truth because she’s stamping her hand to your mouth that’s already a frown, about to suffocate you if only you didn’t bite it

>:|

y/n - 1 | jisoo’s hand - 0

you’re just a lil bit cranky alright

the last wedding you’ve catered to was just three days ago, and well you’re thankful for your job!!! really!!! bc not everyone is as booked as you nor sought-for

but there’s something about her wedding that puts you off :((

she’s very kindly yet firmly told you that no, you would absolutely not be her wedding planner and coordinator

“b-but i-“

“i want you to relax! and it’s-...”

“we said-“

“we said when we were kids that we’d plan each other’s wedding, but we didn’t swear on it! and i want you to-...”

“y-you told-“

“i told you that we didn’t have a wedding planner yet so you’d intentionally clear your schedule for me! and here we are-...”

“i’ll cry-“

“aww you big baby, save it for the wedding! i told you, just relax, m’kay? let yoongi handle the planning, and you do the unwinding.”

goddamn yoongi

yoongi who’s a wedding planner in his sPARE time could fuck right off

you don’t care if he’s very persuasive and firm and happened to book nayeon’s wedding even it was peak season :((

you don’t wanna admit it, but being a wedding planner has basically been your personality trait for the past years and it’s hard to cope when your job is to not.... plan and worry

anyways besides that

you’re a little iffy because nayeon’s wedding is your wake-up call

you’ve been planning weddings.... but uh when the FUCK is yours

u are so tempted to put a sock over your head and just yell gIVE ME A RING!!! PUT IT IN THE BAG

unfortunately, you don’t even have someone in your life to readily propose to you

you would have had someone, actually —

if only hoseok didn’t wake up one day and decide to remove you from his life

if only your childhood friend didn’t suddenly decide that you’re not worthy of his attention and time!!!

god he thinks he’s a bigshot

and well yea ok he IS a bigshot

who doesn’t know jung hoseok at this point :((

you’ve always figured that he’d be successful at whatever path he chooses and for a moment, you feel sorry for him that he’s stuck in such a state of mundaneness

he’s stuck between home and school and since he has no choice — you

your each other’s day one!!! the moment your mom went home from the hospital, her first instinct was to knock on hoseok’s mom’s door and then iMMEDIATELY present you to her

the two of them are absolute best friends and why not make our babies the same way ya know????

the two of you were apparently so close as babies that when one was crying, the other would comfort

and you weren’t even a year old then????

you’ve shared cribs and milk bottles and clothes and everything in between with hobi

so why is it that when you’re just almost at the peak of your life with graduation, he just suddenly decides to drop you?

he’s suddenly too cool for you as if he hasn’t spent countless nights crying on your shoulder for any inconveniece that gets brought up

he can’t even meet your eyes :(((

that’s why graduation is the blandest and emptiest day you could recall

hoseok is over there with his bandmates looking the absolute hAPPIEST and you’re there by the corner.,.,. alone by yourself feeling like your cap has the words dropped by jung hoseok :D all over it

he’s at his peak and at the top of his life performing and touring, whenever and wherever

he’s happy

but without you in it :(

the irrational (and probably rational) part in your head is beyond infuriated at him because atleast offer an explanation!!! if you did wrong at one point, then he should tell you!!!

not suddenly pretend that you were nEVER in his life

even his mom feels guilty and ashamed over his son’s actions so she orders flowers from the shop signed underneath your company, then send it back to you

for awhile she tried to pretend that it was hoseok but no :((( that man will physically convulse if he doesn’t add (atleast) three hearts after his name

you hate him so much that you still religiously visit his instagram and wonder if he could see your likes despite a couple other million liking the same posts

you hate him so much that he’s number one on every single thing in your spotify wrapped

you hate him sO much that you wonder who’s behind the songs his band plays and how you’d wish that you’d be the one he’s writing about

“is the cake that... perfect?”

nayeon gently places a hand on your shoulder to which you flinch and she backs off because christ i’m nOT taking the cake away from you!!!

oh my god why are you tearing up

“yeah, yeah! it’s so good. you should try it nayeon!” you’re scrambling to scrape up your plate, almost shoving the fork into her mouth as she squeals with the sudden attack

yoongi has ???? hovering around his head but this is nOT about you my man

he sneaks a look to the bride’s plate and uh-huh... yup..... she has the same moist chocolate fudge cake with coffee ganache on her alright

the topic of hoseok that you bring up to yourself, one that no one knows (not even nayeon!!!), is just something that never seems to vacate your mind fully

it’s been two years and you’re still so touchy and you dON’T KNOW WHY

he probably doesn’t even think about you when he’s drunk and bored

“this champagne must be so... nice?”

nayeon thinks out loud as you’re once again crying into doing your maid of honor duties

she’s a lil worried if she’s being honest but you always whisk her away when she’s about to ask

like right now :D

“are you-...”

“i just can’t believe you’re getting married!! wow, you’re so cool. with the love of your life. then the two of you could be cool together after the wedding. you aren’t gonna forget me once you’re married, are you? nayeon do you think that i would ever be married-...”

you should just accept it now :((

you’re a little bit of a mess and a half underneath your pantsuits and walkie-talkies and the special pride you’d carry whenever the couple mentions you in their wedding speeches

absolutely WHY in the hell do you think about hoseok when it comes to weddings???

it’s almost a pavlovian response when you instruct the people to open the doors and the bride to start walking and your mind would iNSTANTLY think about him

it’s sometimes awkward when the couple would ask ah !!!! ms. y/n u are such a world-renowned wedding planner !!!! your own wedding must’ve been magnificent :D

aha actually about dat.,.,

you get tons of gifts of gratitude from just a single client alone and you don’t have hoseok and his stupidly powerful arms to help carry boxes back to your car

you don’t have him to give untouched and left-over flowers to

you don’t have him to remind you when you’re getting a little ahead of yourself over just talking to sponsors and trying to squeeze in as much as you could for an initial budge

you don’t have hoseok, in all his glory, to put his hand on the small of your back when you’re talking to how you need the fireworks to start the moment the band starts playing ice ice baby and the vendor does nOT need to know why it’s the song chosen by the couple

it’s what he’d do when you’re trying to fit two semesters’ worth of notes into a pricey A3 notebook that you’ve bought

and just how many weddings do you plan and coordinate, even within just a span of two week?

a lot.

often.

you think about hoseok a lot. often. oftenly a lot.

but aha nOT TODAY!!!

today’s nayeon’s wedding and you’re not gonna ruin it for her by projecting your yearning into your best friend’s wedding that clearly isn’t yours

10/10 she’d probably stop reciting her vows to ask you why you’re sniffling

your only source of distraction is your gown!!!

your maid of honor is the absolute pRETTIEST and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel gorgeous in it

it’s floor-length silk!!! fLOOR-LENGTH !! SILK !! GOWN

it’s in a deep mauve with an off-shoulder situation and a little risqué bit of cleavage!!! cinches right at the top of your waist and poofs a little and oh my god mayhaps you aRE pretty

god hoseok may have not written you a song, but sean kingston dEFINITELY did

nayeon knew you’d be catching everyone’s attention as much as her wedding dress would and she’s absolutely happy and fine with it!!

in fact she’s strategically practiced her throws for her bouquet so you’d catch it and your gown would nOt go to waste

having a wedding happen right where you are, but being in it as a guest instead of a planner, is just so much... calmer

you’re not fixing the chaos but you’re just watching it!!! if you feel a little more bubbly then you’re gonna partake in it hee-hee

yoongi’s actually not so bad

he could just be a little too lax which ends up with him being lost and distraught

you could see so much of you in him when you were just starting out and it’s endearing actually

(( nayeon’s told you in passing that she once told yoongi that you were her best friend and he looked both intimidated and awed at the same time ))

the only thing you help yoongi with is sending him a thumbs-up every now and then and he perks uP because that’s the signal that he’s doing a good job and not fucking up

nayeon looks so beautiful and you’re already tearing up fixing her veil :((

you know how wedding photographers and videographers LOVE people crying???? they r probably eating your shit up so quick that you won’t be surprised if you take up atleast half of the same-day edit of their wedding film

there’s something so serene about the hecticness everyone’s indulged themselves in

you’re grinning when you walk down the aisle because you realize that omg you haven’t doNE this in a long time!!!

the last time you did was testing out the aisle for a client that wanted it ala crazy rich asians and you had to walk back and forth cOLD-ASS water with damp rolled-up pant cuffs before they got the temperature and the levels right

nah you should definitely know how it’d be because after all :D you aRE the consultant for that scene in crazy rich asians :D no biggie :D

it’s such a serene blast to see everyone happy and in their element

you’re sitting the reception out bc yoongi very kindly pleaded to please give him notes and promising that he’d never tell it to anyone else

the whole planning process for nayeon and not oNCE did he bring a notebook..,., but he just hAPPENS to have one when you’re telling him how to say no to your client

“listen, you have to tell them in the sincerest way possible, that you tried everything. it gets them going when you tell them that you even pleaded with the vendors, but don’t go too low on your knees, alright? and then after that, you say a strict no. no, because their choice of flowers is absolutely sHIT for their tie-dye theme they’re so adamant about!”

yoongi has never listened so intently

not even when his roommate lists out their grocery checklist

“mhmm. and if they still push, should i give them an ultimatum? or tell them about a wedding that totally happened that did exactly what they were planning, and how much the guests hated it?”

okay nOW he’s talking

“what you do is...”

the buzz of the reception never really dies down because it’s barely even starting!! the couple’s still finishing up on their pictorial which gives everyone time to get to the venue and freshen up or get last-minute gifts lmao

you know that it’s starting when the band or the dj starts doing polished mic checks

mic check! one, two, three! sKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRA

no, no

there’s something definitely wrong

the rolling and the lull of routine words just seem so familiar

mic check! J-A-Y! H-O-P-E! J-HOPE! jung-...

fucking

gOD

that’s hoseok.

that is most dEFINITELY hoseok

you turn your back to see the stage set-up and god...... fuck

it’s someone you haven’t seen in the flesh for two years yet spent the years of your life with before that

he looks sickening in his black mandarin-collared suit with thick white lining on it wITH his hair styled up and parted to the site

it’s even more sickening for you because you don’t actually know if you can mANAGE to be here

you’re standing up abruptly and yoongi squawks at that because he is the furthesT thing from being finished about asking how to make the guests arrive on time without holding a field trip assembly-like type of line with the megaphone

the fastest way out was dashing through the front part and you must have forgotten that hoseok has a knack for catching things with his perfectly good eyesight

“y/n?”

ok what now

he mumbles your name to the mic, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes trail the speed-walking speck of mauve from in front of him

his little question to himself must have gotten people more than curious

they’re already mORE than curious because it’s his goddamn band that’s playing!!!! and the fees are not cheap and it’s practically impossible to book them!!!

but jungkook, their drummer, was a close friend of the groom’s and alright.,.,. okay maybe we CAN play at weddings now

ok hoseok’s mind is probably just playing tricks on him and he should finish setting up before the lights dim again for what they insist is the 𝓼𝓱𝓸𝓬𝓴 𝓯𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓸𝓻

but then he can’t help but look oNE last time

then he sees the watch he’s gifted you on his wrist — one that he was supposed to give you at graduation but later made his mom give it to you instead and not say that it was from him

...

....

whew he might need his inhaler for this one and he doesn’t even hAVE asthma

oh my god what the hELL is hoseok doing here????

you haven’t seen him for two years, and the moment you do, it’s in your best friend’s wedding with no date present??

you’re clearly panicking and the only form of caffeine you’ve gotten is the pre-game of getting a few bites from the coffee ganache in nayeon’s wedding cake that she was munching on while getting her makeup done

you know what!! it’s fine

it’s totally fine :D

hoseok is just hoseok and you’re not gonna be intimated by the man you’ve been loving in the sidelines from practically your whole life :D

it’s not a big deal!

besides, people are looking for you bc you’re supposed to give the opening toast to welcome nayeon and her groom in

you’re walking, you’re talking, aaaaaaaand-

yeah this is not nOT a big deal

you’re crumbling from the inside out because seeing hoseok is just too painful after two years of wondering where you could’ve went wrong and what could’ve happened if the two of you didn’t fall out

you feel especially bitter when hoseok starts singing their famous song about love and everything in between

everyone’s sWOONING and on their feet and you’re literally just there vibrating with how furious you are

you keep downing the good champagne as iF it’s gonna get you drunk

yoongi has a clue that the server must be a little dizzy having to go and back forth to your table so he just offers his portion to you

you’re so goddamn busy and absorbed with loathing him that you don’t even turn your back to notice that his eyes keep flickering to you

even at the cheesiest lyric, hobi expects that you’d atleast LOOK at him for that one but nOOOO your champagne flute and the blondie beside you is just much more interesting

you’re buzzing with anger that you aren’t enjoying this reception At All

you fail to even recognize that nayeon’s intentionally had your favorite food to be served!!! and you have an extra portion delivered to your table!!!

you just want your suffering to eND wow absolutely how much longer could this go

you’re so busy with cussing the whole ordeal in your head that you didn’t even notice how the band isn’t playing anymore and instead everyone’s swooning over the cake

it’s lost in you that hoseok’s shooed yoongi from his chair, sitting right beside you and even scooting closer until his knees bump to your own

and that’s when it sinks in

hobi doesn’t even have time to tell you how beautiful you look because you’ve gone straight to seething him

“for the record, i want you to know that i hate you.”

...

okay hoseok didn’t expect that

for all he knows, the two of you even vOWED to never say the h word even if it’s meant jokingly!!

it’s a lethal word and the two of you collectively agreed to never play with it in regards to saying to one another

but well here you are

you’re saying it as if you’ve never been more sure of anything in your whole life

you feel actually relieved to say it to him right to his face, a miniscule weight lifted from your shoulders while your arms are crossed just by looking at him

hoseok does you one better with a timid chuckle, looking down on his rings that he’s fiddling with nervously

“yeah. i hate me too.”

.... oh

you’re perplexed at his reply so much so that you’re speechless

you’ve been keeping to yourself what you should say to him the moment you see him for two years and now that he agrees to what you’ve just said.,.,.,

oh fuck that

“i hate you so much, hoseok! i don’t even know what i did wrong and i asked even your own mother what’s wrong with me! did you know that you are, without a doubt, so fucking selfish???”

you exclaim as quietly as you could but that doesn’t stop people from glancing because the two most-known people in the room, besides the bride and groom, are having what seems to be an... intimate conversation with how close the two of you are??

“did you even try once to consider how painful it was for me to wonder why i just am the way that i am? or is that even too big of an inconveniece for you to think about because you’re so busy?”

“did you suddenly get too big for me, huh?” you ask straightly without malice, not even thinking about the double meaning because clearly, you’re too PRESSED lightly jabbing your finger to his chest

right he deserves that

hoseok’s fucked up big-time, that much he knows

his eyes are actually stinging right now and he would ask you for your handkerchief that you used to always carry for him but uH he thinks he doesn’t deserve any of that

“why couldn’t you just tell me what was in your mind? you know that nothing would change whatever it was that-”

“i love you, okay?”

hoseok interrupts you with his mumble before he sets his eyes down once again on your watch

you’re speechless for long this time

“..... w-what?”

okay maybe he fucked up even more

“listen i-...”

“if you love me, a single text wouldn’t have hurt, hobi!!”

your chest doesn’t hurt anymore but it iS constricting with the amount of emotions and scenarios you’re trying to process

he’s kinda lost because oh my god you aren’t mAD anymore!!

and you don’t look fazed that he just declared his love for you

“i dropped you because i-i — i don’t want the people i love seeing me fuck up, y’know? i finished uni for the sake of it, and i didn’t even know if the band thing would work out!!”

“but baby it dID work out!!!!”

jesus christ hoseok may be a fucking iDIOT

you’re shaking him by the shoulders and he actually has to stand up so he wouldn’t fall by your ministrations

you feel so happy because your processing was just about to be finished, equal parts relieved and happy and maybe a tiny bit confused still

“it did work out because look at you now!! hobi, you could’ve just called me and i would’ve accepted the call before it even rings!!” you’re happily frustrated with him that you push him until the two of you are in the dance floor, his mouth curving up both in disbelief and giddiness

“i didn’t because i thought-...”

he’s interrupted by a swift and tight hug to his middle, his arms moving on their own to envelope you in his warmth

the top of your head still smells the same :D

his purpose is lost before he gathers his bearings once again, freezing in his stance before weakly attempting to push you off

“... you were married.”

the harsh sQUINT of your eyes you’re giving him prompt him to explain

why is he so nervous

“i-i go to your instagram? and well you uh, you posted this pic of you in the middle of the aisle???? you had your back turned and your silhouette’s seen then you were holding a bouquet!!! then after that, i-i never opened your account. jesus christ, is your husband here with you, y/n? what am i supposed to-...”

the realization’s starting to sink into hoseok because it’s something he’s shoved to the back of his head and now he’s seeing it straight-on

you’re throwing your head back laughing at him :D

great

now he’s both heartbroken AND a fool

there’s a gentle kiss on his cheek, one he didn’t expect and one he doesn’t hate

“i’m a wedding planner.”

god now this is just so fucking funny

the two of you fell out and remained distanced because of just a series of unprecedented miscommunications!!!

the whole thing is so ridiculous that it actually feels light and relieving to talk about

“you’re.... a wedding planner,” he mumbles once again for confirmation, his loose arms around your waist now tightening

oh my god

hoseok starts chuckling to himself out of delight, turning to full-on cackles with you at how much the two of you have just been beside each other like parallel lines

“i need to make up the past two years to you.”

he declares seriously as a promise, pressing a tender wet kiss to your cheek that gets you giggling

“only if you write me a song,” you do him one better, kissing him on the corner of his mouth

“don’t you know that most of them are about you? anyways, you should plan our wedding once it happens,” he’s forward with his words, having waited long enough that he nuzzles his nose to yours

you’re gonna do him one even better

you’re gonna go right for the kill, the truth spilling out of you before you kiss him longingly, for the first time that it feels that it’s been something you’ve always yearned for

“don’t you know that you’re in my mind for every single one?”

#feedback pls and thank you :D YEEEEET LAST PIECE FOR 2020!!!!#hoseok #jung hoseok #hoseok imagine #hoseok imagines #hoseok drabble #hoseok drabbles #hoseok au #hoseok oneshot #hoseok oneshots #hoseok x reader #hoseok x y/n #hoseok angst #hoseok angst imagine #hoseok fluff #hoseok fluff imagine #hoseok fluff imagines #hoseok fic rec #hoseok fic recs

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eleanorbloom · 4 years

Text

When You’re Ready Ch. 08

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x f! MC (Eleanor Bloom) x Ethan Ramsey.

Word Count: 4.5k

Warning: Angst, cursing.

Summary: Bryce has decided to let go Eleanor because she’s in love with Ethan Ramsey. But a turn in her relationship with the attending might change Bryce’s plans.

A/N: To the people who still is reading this story, thank you! Things are going to get juicy from now on, so I hope you are all prepared! (And I hope things in the book get really juicy too. I’m still recovering from last week’s chapter omg. My heart will never be the same after what Ethan told to MC :( (And I don’t even want to think about Bryce. My babyyyyyyyyyyyyy is so precious!)

Well, well, well. Hope you enjoy today’s chapter!

Taglist @utterlyinevitable @shanzay44 @choicesficwriterscreations @laiba-the-person @starrystarrytrouble @lahellacute @lucy-268 @aylamreads @binny1985 @romewritingshop

Let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist!

________

Chapter 8: Me cuesta tanto olvidarte.

Y aunque fui yo quien decidió que ya no más (And even though it was me who decided we were through)

Y no me canse de jurarte que no habrá segunda parte (And I didn't tire of swearing to you that there wouldn't be a second chance)

Me cuesta tanto olvidarte (It's so hard for me to forget you)

As much as he tried to avoid that moment, there he was, both feet on the grounds of Boston Logan International Airport. After two months in the Amazon, he was back at the place he wanted so much to escape, only to return with empty hands, with his personal mission failed.

His heart was feeling like there were never eight weeks since he left Boston, and was aching as much as the night they said goodbye. He had left for nothing. He wanted a reset, but he wasn't sure if that's what he got there.

Even if he tried every day to get her off his head, the most nonsensical things would remind him of her.

The sparkling eyes of the children seemed attached to the memories of her giving him the shiniest smiles he had ever seen.

The carefree nature of a young woman would remind him of her youthful spirit, a trait he had grown to appreciate since the moment he knew her, but that he had failed to preserve in the last months, due to his erratic attitude towards her.

And if there was nothing that reminded him of her during the day, there would always be a sparkle at the end of the day, just about to sleep, that would explode in his mind like a firework. Whether it be the feeling of her hands touching his face, his hair, his bare chest; or the feeling of her soft lips giving him life after a searing kiss.

Whether it be her amber eyes illuminating the darkness of his mind and waking him up to a trance of vivid memories and feelings of happiness and joy. Vivid memories of something that were long gone and that couldn’t be back; or her laugh invading his ears and making him jolt as if it was the painful hallucination of a schizophrenic mind, and swear she was just laughing by her side when the truth was they were thousands of miles away.

Some nights he would toss and turn in bed, wondering what would she be doing; if he had broken her more than he was aware; if what he had done was right; if all this was really about her or about his fears and the ablaze belief that he would never be worthy of her because he could never give her everything she deserved. Wondering if all this was always about the fact that since he was a child, he never felt worthy of love.

He honestly couldn’t know.

He didn’t know how to face a truth that had been carrying his whole adult life, and he wasn’t sure it was now the time to explore those feelings. It didn’t make sense now.

Some other nights he would lay remembering her, but the tiredness would be like morphine to his mind, sending him to sleep just as his head would touch the pillow. The memories of her wouldn’t haunt him like a ghost all night, the guilt wouldn’t eat him alive, there would only be a full night’s sleep, with physical recovery but with the same burden on his mind.

After three weeks, however, he had convinced himself that he had done the right thing. That she would eventually move on, that she would let him in the past and all this bad road would be over soon. But the hollowness somewhere inside him reminded him every time, that it wasn’t what he wanted, that he didn’t want it that way.

There was another way, but he was a coward.

Deep inside, he was hoping that the distance between them wouldn't make an effect like he intended to. He wanted it to fail. That her love was stronger than that. That that strongness was the proof he needed to push himself towards her, to fight for her, to hold her and never let her go again.

But then he would remember that all that he had been doing the last months, was for her, and only to protect her. That this self-sabotage would only damage her career. He couldn’t let that happen.

Ethan was having dinner at the ranch in the company of the owner, a Colombian elder woman who had spent her entire life receiving tourists that came to the rainforest from all places, and that had taught her the basics in various languages to communicate with them, English above all.

She had observed him for weeks. He noticed he was taciturn, thoughtful, that would never involve in small talk, so she had decided to respect his privacy and his love for silent meals. But he looked too troubled that night to ignore it.

“Are you in love, doctor?”—The woman asked, interrupting the dissection of his own thoughts.

“I beg your pardon?”—He replied, a bit startled for the intromission.

“I have lived long enough to know, by the look in your eyes, that you are in love. And that you would do anything to deny it, but it’s a stupid try, mi niño.”

He remained silent.

“I know you the yankees only care about work and money. You as a doctor are more human than others because you are here,”—She splayed her arms in the air, trying to sum up in a single gesture the greatness of the Amazon— “but for the same reason, you deprive yourself of the more important things in life as family and love.”

“Saving lives is the more important thing to me.”

“I know that. You have no family, no partner because your job goes first. But you are in love and I bet you are keeping the person you love away from you. Maybe that’s the reason why you are here, in the first place.”

“I didn’t know people in the Amazon were diviners.”

“We are not, but I have lived enough to see too many people coming here to forget, and that had failed.”

Ethan stared at her, thoughtful, not even sure if he would address her accusations.

“So, I am right?”

There was no point in denying. He would be gone in three weeks and then he wouldn’t see her again. He wasn’t risking anything.

“Yes, you are.”—He finally admitted.

“And Medicine has not taught you anything, doctor?”

“What do you mean?”

“You see life and death every day. You know the value of life and how easy it goes. Being a doctor is a tough job, but as someone who knows about the meaning of life and death more than any other person, you don’t seem to put into practice everything you have learned: To live and love ”

“It’s not that simple”

“It is simple. You have no idea how simple it is. I only hope you don’t learn it the hard way, when you lose your chance. I have seen it so many times, you wouldn’t believe me.”

The friendly silence joined the tabled again, leaving Ethan more pensive than before.

Maybe the elder woman was right, but Ethan was never a man of sentimentalism, of searching the meaning in things. He only wanted to seek the truth in life, how things were based only on facts. And the truth in this situation was that he had to stay away from Eleanor to protect her reputation and her career. There was no point in trying to find an alternative answer to that. The truth about them was absolute.

Still, he couldn’t stop thinking of her words.

Ethan force himself to come back to reality as entered in the baggage reclaim area of the airport. Once it was all collected, he took a cab to his apartment.

Once he was there, he took a shower, unpacked his luggage, and drop off his clothes from the trip at the laundry service on his way to the hospital.

The sun was already set when he met Naveen at his office.

“Ethan, my boy, I’m so happy you’re back safe”—He greeted giving him a hug that Ethan replied coyly.

“Good to see you, Naveen. How have you been?”

“Incredibly well, the weather has been so nice. And my position as Chief gives me more time to enjoy the sun, so I’m incredibly well with the amount of vitamin D I have absorbed these past weeks.”

“I can see it. You’re more joyful than usual.”

“Not just because of the sun, but because you’re back. I sincerely missed you, my friend”

Ethan nodded in a way that Naveen interpreted as he felt the same.

“How was Manaus, well, and the rainforest in general?”

Ethan updated him about his trip, describing the streets and highlights of the city in detail, and after that, he followed up with his labor with the WHO, and how things were when he left.

The origin of the epidemic had been found in a river that rises in Colombia and flows to the Amazon River, in the middle of Brazil. The Amazon River was the biggest in South America and its size was the reason it had caused nothing less than an outbreak just in a few weeks.

Just before Ethan left, the development of a vaccine had started, as a variant from the Malaria’s; therefore, in the next three months it was expected to be tested and by the end of the year, it was expected to be produced. He wasn’t sure if the WHO would call him for another Mission, but Naveen would be fully aware of that in case they would.

The hospital was quiet when both mentor and protégé left the office. They parted ways in the parking lot. Naveen, to go to his car, and Ethan, to walk down the street towards Donahue’s to say hi to Reggie.

He needed a drink to feel he was really back in Boston. At Edenbrook. But deep down, he wanted to go there because he hoped she would be at the bar. There was no way she wouldn’t be with her friends celebrating their last day as interns and welcoming the first day as second-year residents.

His pace was slower than usual for multiple reasons. First, because he wanted to enjoy the warm night Boston was welcoming him with; second, because he wasn’t going there to kill the tension of a day’s work, just to enjoy the night. And third, because some part of him was afraid of what he would find there. If she was there. If his face would betray him even if he had mastered the stoicism long before he met her.

“Don’t teaser her, Jackie! I still have nightmares about that Ethics Hearing!”—He heard just when he was about to turn to the entry. “If Eleanor had left Edenbrook, I don’t know what we’d done.”

He had no doubt that that sweet and soft voice belonged to Sienna Trihn.

“Stolen her spot in the diagnostics team?”

And that snarky retort was from Jackie Varma.

“Oh. My God”—The tiny resident said once her eyes caught him at the entry.—“He looks so different.”

She didn’t even lower her voice as she acknowledged him. And he didn’t care. As soon as he realized where Sienna and her friends were, his eyes couldn’t help but search for her eyes.

“What are you talkin-“—Eleanor turned and her mumbling stopped right away as their eyes met. Her confused amber eyes went stunned in an instant.

“Rookie”—Was all he could say to not let his feelings betray him. The sole sight of her was painful enough to try something else.

“It's good to have you back, Dr. Ramsey”—She murmured, her voice distant. Like she wasn’t even conscious of her words, like she wasn’t saying them, and an automat had taken hostage of her body.

Even though she knew he would be back tomorrow, it was clear she didn’t expect to see him tonight.

“Yeah… Good to be back”—He tried to remain serene, but for a second his eyes faltered on her with a torn expression.

He hesitated for a moment before keep walking towards the main bar.

***

She felt like someone was turning the volume up in her head. The chatting of her friends, the clinking glasses, the laugh of people, the cars passing by, the music on the jukebox inside. All was too fucking loud on her head.

The bubble that had alienated her from the outside had popped just the moment she met eyes with Ethan. Every sound was irritating to her. Every laugh, every word, every passing car. Her heart beating fast, her agitated breath. All the noises were multiplying.

Still, she didn’t even know how she found the strength to reply to him. It didn’t sound like her at all. It was like she was observing herself outside his body, the obvious first-hand and only witness of her own autoscopy.

“Relax”—Bryce said in a jokingly tone when Ethan was out of sight—Ramsey might not be my type, but damn, I felt things too.”

All her friends burst out in laughs, trying to alleviate the tension.

“No one can deny that the man's his appeal, and with that makeover, oof. Total heartbreaker”—Conceded Jackie.

But she was barely conscious of what their friends were saying. Just as he entered the bar, she felt disoriented. Lost. The volume in her head started to turn down, silencing her from the noises around her. Like the earth had stopped rotating and she was caught in the middle of her own thoughts.

She didn’t expect that. She had come to terms with the fact that she would see him tomorrow, at Edenbrook, but she absolutely wasn’t prepared to see him tonight. At the bar. She should have known.

Then, she heard her name somewhere. Somewhere very, very far. And after that, a warm caress in her back shook her out of her stupor.

“Elle, are you okay?”

She looked up. All her friends were trying to catch her attention, and Sienna was staring at her with her brows furrowed in concern.

“Ellie…”

“Yeah, sorry, guys, I think the beer went to my head.”

Eleanor felt a warm caress against her back again.

“Babe, are you okay? D’you need a moment?”—He whispered, leaning carefully towards her.

“No, no, I’ll be fine.”

Bryce didn’t look so convinced.

She looked at him in the eyes, knowing that it would ease her mind. She smiled. It had worked. But she knew she couldn’t spend her life being wrapped to Bryce to feel calm, that she couldn’t run to his arms every time she felt something for Ethan. She had to face the pain, the fear, she needed to confront him to really be over Ethan. She had to do it alone with all the pain it was involved in.

“I’m okay, really”—She reassured, his lips quirking a bit to resemble a smile.

He nodded.

She wanted to be okay, because the last thing she had on her mind, was to make a scene, just as the last time she saw Ethan. No, she had to grow up. The days where she would drown in sadness and ‘what ifs’ were over. She had to handle the situation like the adult she was.

But it wasn’t that easy. Even though she rejoined the conversation with her friends, after an hour she really felt the need to have a moment.

“Sienna, care to join me?”

“Of course, Ellie”—She replied getting up from the bench.

The walked carelessly towards the bar, Eleanor trying to ignore completely the presence of Ethan sitting on his usual spot.

“Are you okay?”—She asked once she closed the door behind her.

“I… I’ve been better.”—She confessed, leaning against the wall.—It’s just… I wasn’t expecting to see him today, tonight, here. I made my mind I would see him tomorrow. But well, that’s how things went.”

“It was so shocking, for all of us. Mostly because of that makeover. I swear I thought I was confusing him with another person”

“Like a extremely hot twin brother of him?”

“Kinda, yeah”

They both laughed.

“That’s torture. How can he appear here like that and expect me to stay away?”

“Eleanor…”

“Sienna, I’m teasing”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“But I am. And I can’t even think about doing something with Bryce here.”

Eleanor shook her head.

“Ah, poor Bryce. He’s all in the comforting mood but I know it hurts him.”

“Maybe, but he’s actually worried about you.”

“Why he has to be so selfless? I don’t deserve it.”—She protested —He has been an angel with me this whole time. And this stupid asshole appears, and I fell to the ground like a whiny stupid.”

“Ellie, he knows what he’s dealing with. And I know he’ll be wise enough to leave when his time is over. I just hope that doesn’t happen, and that he gets his happy ending with you.”

“You don’t think I want the same? I want it. But it doesn’t matter what I want when the person I’m in love with it’s not him.”

There was silence. Sienna looked at Eleanor. She was pissed off, but not defeated like before. That was progress.

“Okay. Let’s focus.—Sienna exclaimed with renewed energy, trying to comfort her friend—"The things are this way: You’re still not over Ethan, but if you want to, you will. And you’ll do it by stop having hopes. You’ll focus on the good. On Bryce. On the beautiful moments you two have had. And as long as Ethan doesn’t say ‘Eleanor, I love you, let’s be together’, your situation with him is the same as it was when he left. It’s done. Terminated. Over. Okay?”

“Okay, yes. Yes. Crystal clear.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise”—She replied as her pinky locked Sienna’s.

A few moments later they returned to the table. Jackie had brought a new round of beers. Eleanor took her seat next to Bryce, and without a moment’s hesitation, she brought her lips to his cheek and kissed him softly.

He stared at her a bit confused. That day, at the beach, they agreed to be more discreet with their relationship now that Ramsey was back. Somehow, she wouldn’t feel comfortable that he could know about them when nothing was settled, and she didn’t want to provoke a response in him by jealousy or make him doubt her feelings for him. That way, they would return to their habitual friendly interaction in public spaces, but their relationship remained the same. Therefore, that show of affection in public was against their agreement.

“What was that for?”

“You just deserve a kiss for being so cute with me.”

He smiled.

“In that case, I deserve more than a kiss on my cheek, don’t you think?”

She shook her head and brushed her lips into his.

“Better?”

“Much better”

They continued their chatting through the night until Reggie announced he was about to close. Eleanor and her friends collected their used jars and went to the bar to give them to Reggie. Ethan was still by the bar and apparently, he had no intention to leave soon.

“What? Last call doesn't apply to you?”—She asked, her words coming out of her mouth incautiously. Like nothing had happened. Like the two months they didn’t see each other never existed.

“Reggie and I go way back. We have an arrangement.”

“An arrangement?”—She snorted— “Is that what you call friendship?”

“I don’t have friends, but I wouldn’t mind you joining me if you were so inclined.”

“Say it. You want me to join you?”—She defied.

He stared at her seriously for a few seconds.

“I do.”

Eleanor turned to her friends

“I’ll stay for a while to check in about tomorrow with Dr. Ramsey.”

“Okay”—Sienna replied—"Just don’t stay out too late... Aurora's dropping off the rest of her stuff before work tomorrow.”

Eleanor nodded and her eyes directed to Bryce. He winked at her before turning to the door, but she could have sworn his smile fainted the very moment he turned.

“Well, we've got ourselves a brand new Ethan Ramsey.”—She stated, approaching him at the bar.—"You took the reset thing seriously.”

He gave him a painful look and scratched the back of his neck.

“Why don’t we move outside?”—He suggested, trying to diffuse his tension—"It'll be winter before we know it. Might as well enjoy the weather while we can.”

Ethan took a half-drunk bottle of nice scotch and head out to the empty beer garden, taking a seat beside a small fire pit.

“So… how have you been?”

“As good as it can be, given the circumstances there.”

“Yeah, I figure. I’m sure you went through a lot there.”

Ethan nodded. Thinking that he indeed went through a lot there, but maybe not the kind she had in mind.

“What about you?”—He inquired after a brief reflection.

“I’m doing great. Excited that intern year has finished. And tomorrow is my first day on the big leagues”

“Yeah. You start with the DT. Time has passed so fast”

“Certainly.”

Then, the silence made its presence. They stayed still to study each other subtly. Ethan couldn't decipher what, but there was something different in her that had nothing to do with the passing of time. It wasn’t the hair, her summerly outfit, or something physical. It was something in the way she was looking at him, in the way she was speaking, and even in her gestures, that made him realize she wasn't the same he had left eight weeks ago. There was something familiar about her manners, but he wasn't sure what it was.

And after an eternity of silence and endless questions inside his head, she finally spoke.

“Why you didn’t reply or call back… or said anything?”

All Ethan could think was if she was interested in asking that, it meant there was something still there. That maybe she still cared for him.

“Eleanor…”

“I had to ask Banerji to know me if you were okay. Don’t you think it isn’t unfair?”

“I know, he told me.”

“It was a fucking message, Ethan. Just ‘I’m okay’, just that, I wasn’t expecting a report. Just a fucking reply.”

“I know. I’m so…”

She raised her hand, stopping him midsentence.

“Please, don’t. If you were truly sorry, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place. It was so simple.”

“I needed to walk away…”

“Yes, I know, but this has nothing to do with that. With your so-called self-control. Cause I don’t know how much self-control you can compromise by sending a couple of words. It’s not like you can lose it being thousands of miles away from me. But, of course, the fault is always mine for expecting some decency from you.”

“You were worried?”

“How can you ask something like that? Of course I was worried! Epidemics are unpredictable and much riskier to doctors.”

She shook her head.

“I really hoped our conversation would’ve made sense to you. But no. Nothing’s changed. You can’t even be a decent friend or colleague.”

He remained silent.

Eleanor took a sip of the scotch, and then breathed heavily with her eyes closed. After a few moments, she opened them with renewed energy.

“Well, no point in dwelling in the past. Let’s talk about tomorrow.”

Her words caught him by surprise. The way she just shook off of his mistake was new. He expected she would give him hell for at least fifteen minutes, but apparently she had more important things to discuss.

“Okay, what do you want to know”—He said, finally.

“What should I know?”

“Well, once the meeting with all the other residents is done, you have to go to the Diagnostics Team office, to join us for the daily meeting. We’ll be discussing a new case too. A few hours ago, the hospital informed me that we are receiving a patient from Manhattan Presbyterian, so that will be your first case as Fellow Member.”

“Excellent. Anything I need to know about the other members?”

“I leave it to you, so you don’t meet them biased from what I tell you”—There was some strange tint in his sight, something mischievous Eleanor couldn’t decipher.

“I think you’re being tricky with the answer.”

Ethan chuckled.

“I’m not. Tomorrow you’ll have your first impressions on the members. It’ll be fine.”

“I suppose”—She sounded tense.

“You’ll do it great, Rookie. You had an excellent performance in your first year, and you made a diagnosis neither your boss nor your boss’s boss couldn’t make, so, that’s quite impressive. You deserve the spot.”

“That’s because I learned from the best.”

And there it was again, the silent longing in their eyes. The intense looks, the pain, the restraint. The alternated gaze between lips and eyes. It seemed like the dynamics from past months were about repeat again. Eleanor succumbing to her feelings, asking for a chance, breaking their boundaries just to have one more kiss, and lose herself in the same old lie with the same old ending. And just like before, Ethan would fall too. As if eight weeks hadn’t passed. As if the time and distance hadn't done their part.

But things had changed. He had no idea how much things had changed.

Because after what it felt an eternity, she just smiled at him shyly and then looked away from him at slow-motion speed. Or that’s how Ethan saw things in his disappointed mind.

Then she took her glass, her hand almost imperceptibly shaky, and drank the remained scotch on it.

Ethan froze for a moment, completely surprised at her reaction, and then turned to the table, sipping his drink too. His mind still was wondering why it was being so easy for her to just look away and don’t dare to kiss him. He was back after two months out and she didn’t even want to kiss him.

“Good thing you’re back just when summer is beginning, so you don’t end up freezing for changing temperatures.”

Ethan couldn’t repress the astonishment when he noticed Eleanor was using the small-talk card. They had never had small talks before. She always had something to comment, some insight to share, even something to recriminate him with. But now there was nothing of it.

Maybe it was her last resource to avoid something utterly stupid or senseless like kissing him. He couldn’t really blame her.

“Yes, glad I can catch some sun. Vitamin D has worked wonders in Naveen. But he’s too cheerful for my liking.”

“Ethan, Dr. Banerji has always been too cheerful for your liking.”

“Well, yeah, but he is annoyingly cheerful now, and summer is just beginning”

“May the Force be with you”—Eleanor joked, getting up from the bench.—“Well, I’m going home now. Tomorrow’s my first day and I have to come up as fresh as a daisy.”

Ethan smiled faintly at her.

“Goodnight Rookie, I see you tomorrow”

“Night Ethan, see ya”

#open heart #bryce lahela #ethan ramsey #choices stories you play #bryce lahela x mc #bryce x mc #bryce x casey #ethan x mc #ethan x casey #ethan x f!mc #open heart choices #open heart fanfiction #oh choices #oh fanfic #oh #choices fanfiction #fanfic

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depressedkakashihatake · 5 years

Note

kakagai's first kiss?

There's blood dripping down Kakashi's arm, both his own and that of his enemies. He still hasn't removed his arm from the open wound in the other shinobi's chest, why should he? Why did this man deserve a quick death after what he had done.

"Kakashi." He looked back. It's the first time he has heard anyone trying to talk to him, and he can see the horror on all of Team Choza's faces. A moment ago they probably thought they were all dead, their sensai gravely injured and all three of them on their asses with injuries of their own.

If kakashi was an Anbu Shinobi worth the name, they would be dead. He'd be gone with the information he had gathered, and there would be a funeral a few days later for the team.

He wasn't an anbu shinobi worthy of the name. He couldn't be, not when he saw that attack pointed at the team.

Not when he saw Gai's death happening right in front of him.

"Get Choza Sensai to the village." His voice was harsh, it had to be. He still had three enemies to deal with. "I'll take care of them."

He turned his back to them, expecting them to follow, and he could hear two of them moving. It didn't take a genius to figure out who wasn't.

"You heard me Gai!" He snapped "listen to your superior for once and get out of here!"

"You're not my superior!" Gai was wrong about that, he knew he was. He was a brand new chunin and Kakashi was a jonin. He was Gai's superior. "You're my friend first and i'm not leaving your side. Ebisu and Genma can take care if Sensai without me."

He didn't want to argue. He wanted to get this fight over with and go home. It had been a long three days and he had been using his sharingun the entire time, he didn't have much energy left, and that left him with little time to take care of the threat in front of him before his body finally shut down completly.

"I wasn't making a request!" He snapped, his hand sparking as he focused on his next attack move. He had three moves in him left at tops, he needed to get this fight done in two.

"Neither was i!" He could almost feel the anger in Gai's words. There was no way he was going to be able to get him to change his mind, and kakashi would be damned if he was the ass hole who took Gai's chance at proving what a great Shinobi he was away by getting his waistband taken away.

"Fine." He huffed "ebisu, Genma. Go!" He listened as the two Ninja started to run with their sensai.

"We're not done yet." Kakashi's good eye snapped over to the ninja who had said that.

Two moves.

He bite down on his thumb, his hands working quickly into signs. The ground burst underneither two of the sound shinob, the various members of the ninkin springing from the ground and attaching themselves to their enemies arms and legs.

He had only a second to react.

Apparently, a second was too long for gai. He had already started running towards one of the targets, saving kakashi from having to stretch out his Rikiri.

He wouldn't admit that he was thankful for that.

The chakra exploded in his hand, and just before the sound ninja managed to wrangle an arm away from Akino, Kakashi plunged his hand straight through his heart, a death to match his team members.

"Kakashi!" He glanced back at Gai, his eyes going wide when he saw the dead body now laying beside half of his pack, the neck very clearly snapped. He's pretty sure Gai went in with a kick, and that was a kick he never wanted Gai to use against him. "You never told me there was more than just Pakkun!"

Behind him, kakashi could already hear Pakkun heading his way, his paws making contact with his Jonin Uniform Jacket and pulling him up to his shoulder.

"Am i not enough for you Gai?" The small dog asked boardly, his tone matching almost perfectly with Kakashi's whenever he spoke like that.

"I'll never turn down meeting more of Kakashi's great warrior dogs!" Gai announced proudly, swooping down and lifting Bull off of the ground for a hug.

How could this man go from murdering a man to hugging a dog happily so damn quickly? Did he not care what he had just done?

"I like this one." Bull grunted as Gai put him back down on the ground "but we still have one more enemy to deal with."

Kakashi glanced back over at the fourth and finaly Sound shinobi, narrowing his eyes when he saw the man shaking. These were supposed to be great ninja, strong warriors. Why would he be afraid?

One move to go before forcing himself to complete system shut down.

His hand sparked to life once more, the electricity priking against his skin, a familure and dull pain. He needed to finish this, he couldn't miss.

Gai moved first, heading straight for the enemy and kicking out, his foot knocking the man backwards when he attempted to block the attack.

Now

The electricity burst, and his feet moved without hesitation. If he missed, if he over extended himself that he'll have failed. He won't have done anything to save Gai. He'll just have doed with them, doomed to become another name on a wall.

Blood splattered against his face once more, staining his mask and skin and joining countless other shinobi's blood.

He wouldn't let Gai be a name on the wall, or a stone in the ground. Gai deserved better, they all had.

He wouldn't let Gai die before he could become a name that would never be forgotten in Konoha.

He ripped his arm from the man's chest, blood splattering all over his cloths and hair. Another one dead, anouther day survived.

A sudden force hit him, arms tightening around his shoulders as he slumped over. Had Gai known he was going to collapse? How could he know?

"You over extended yourself again..." the pride from gai's voice was gone, replaced completly by worry. "We need to get you back to Konoha."

"Ya." Kakashi laid his head down on Gai's shoulder, ignoring the fact that Pakkun had absolutly just shifted himself from Kakashi's shoulder to Gai's.

Rude...

A hand tucked under his legs, lifting them off of the ground with ease and pulling him close to Gai's chest.

Why was this comfertable?

"Get some sleep kid." He glanced up at Pakkun, sitting proudky on Gai's shoulder as they started to move. "We'll see you when you wake up."

Well, he wasn't going to argue with that. Even if he wanted to stay awake he didn't think he could, so for once he didn't fight it. His eyes slid closed, his body collapsing into Gai's arms completly as he passed out.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

"I'm sure he'll be fine Gai." Genma. That had to be Genma. He could tell that voice from anywhere. "Choza Sensai offered to take us to lunch now that he has been released from the hospital."

"I told you, i'm not hungry." Gai... why was his voice so weak? How long had he been there? How long had Kakashi been there. "I'll join you when Kakashi wakes up."

"You know Choza Sensai is planning on taking him to dinner with us when he wakes up, right?" There was Ebisu's annoying voice, ever the emulator of an annoyed school teacher. "You'll see him then, when he's awake."

"I told you i'm not going!" Anger wasn't ok. Gai wasn't allowed to be angry. Of he was angry, something was wrong.

"Go..." he could hear all three of them taking in a sharp breath, his response obviously a surprise to all of them. "You...you should go."

"Kakashi..." a chair shifted, signaling that Gai had stood up. His fingers twotched when Gai put a hand over his. "You...you're awake. How are you feeling."

"Tired." He opened his eye just enough to look up at his friend "Go. I'm not great company to have when i'm unconciouse."

"I didn't want to leave..." a silent apology hung back in Gai's throat, but he had nothing to apologize for. "I had to make it up to you...i don't want you to think..."

He chuckled, a genuin happy chuckle. He could see that even Gai was surprised by that, his eyes wide as his free hands reached out to the anbu's forhead. He could only imagin the looks on Evisu and Genma's faces.

"I'm not mad." He promised, turning his hand just enough so that he could interlock his fingers with Gai's "if you weren't there i might have over done myself too much. You may have been disobaying a superior, but...i'm glad you did."

"You, rule boy Kakashi?" He rolled his eyes at the jab. A nickname Gai had been calling him for years, and something Obito used to call him as well.

"Sometimes rules are meant to be broken." He admitted "I broke Anbu rules to be there, to save you. how can i expect you to follow rules when i don't?"

"Well, i'm glad you did." Gai whispered, giving Kakashi's hand a gentle squeeze. "I'll come back after lunch."

A promise Kakashi knew the other boy would keep. He always kept those promises.

"I know you will." He smiled, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his mask.

"Oh..." he heard the moment that Genma had grabbed Ebisu by the jacket and started to drag him out of the room, ignoring his team members screams of protest.

"Kakashi..." Gai's free hand came up to brush against the tender skin that was always hidden. A secret from everyone in the village. Everyone, except Gai now. "Why would you hide this?"

Kakashi gave his shoulders a shrugg. He didn't really have a reason, he just liked it. It helped to hide all of his emotions, well...his lack of emotions.

But he hadn't taken his mask off for a conversation. He bolted upwards, pressing his lips against Gai's for a tender kiss. Fingers made their way into his hair, and a hand came down onto his hip, pulling him just slightly closer as Gai returned the kiss.

Is this was love was? His dad had tried telling him about it once, explaining it as a burst of fireworks. That's what he had said happened whenever he kissed Kakashi's mom.

But this wasn't fire works. Kakashi didn't think he could ever feel fireworks, not when he hardly felt anything at all. No, this was diffrent. This was...warm.

He liked this feeling.

He pulled away slowly, Gai's hand still holding onto his hip in a gentle grip. "I love you." The words fell from his lips with ease. It was probably the only thing he could say with confidence these days. "And i will always protect you."

He knew what Gai was about to say, but he couldn't hear it. He couldn't deal with that again. He slapped his free hand over Gai's mouth to stop him. "Please don't say it." He begged "please just...just tell me we're rivals. That you won't leave my side and we'll always find our way back to eachother. Back home, but i can't..."

The hand in his hair moved down, letting the silver stands string back up into place as the palm pressed against Kakashi's cheek. A silent promise.

"I love you." He whispered once more "but you can't... if you say it back i'll lose you. Just like i lost everyone else."

A finger brushed up against his cheek, and finally he dropped his hand from Gai's mouth.

"Rest." There was that kindness, that happiness. Kakashi loved that voice more than anything. "I'll be back after lunch, Rival."

He smiled. Rival, thats what he was. Gai's challenge, Gai's friend, the most important person to Might Gai.

That was enough.

#kakagai #i don't know why i like sad kakashi #but i do #might gai #kakashi hatake #protective kakashi

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save-the-spiral · 5 years

Text

InkWizTober Day Twenty: Tread + Sleeping In

Welcome to Inktober Day Twenty! This is basically just a sapphic love poem masquerading as prose. I did a tiny bit of research, if any of my lil hints of things were wrong please tell me. I have never traveled, T_T

(link to prompt lists) (link to inktober tag)

Mari woke up to a soft kiss on her bare shoulder, loose t-shirt fabric bunched down her arm, her brown skin on display. Her confused mumble are muffled by her pillow.

“Good morning sunshine.” Irisi’s teasing voice, Krokotopian accent thicker with sleepiness, was the siren song that truly woke Mari.

Rolling over in their huge shared sleeping bag, Mari kissed Irisi, missing a bit so it was only half her mouth, but they both huffed with amusement at Mari’s clumsiness. Irisi was already dressed for the day of hiking, her tank-top leaving freckled, toned arms bare and making Mari stare far too obviously.

“C’mon, Mari. I made breakfast already. We gotta get going if we don’t wanna miss the sunrise.”

Mari groaned, rolling over and flopping against her pillow pathetically. “Remind me why I let you drag me out in the middle of the Japanese wilderness?”

“Emrys wanted to go to all those museums to learn about his culture and you didn’t wanna stick around for when he looked for his biological dad, remember?”

“Oh. Yeah. He didn’t want us around either.” Mari got up, accepting her fate, and rummaged through her duffel bag for proper clothes. Camping in Japan was amazing, the spring blooms making every view gorgeous, every moment worth staying in forever.

Their tour of Earth had started in America, where they had some connections, and they quickly got what they needed to forge passports and such to be able to get to where they wanted to go. They toured Europe, then traveled around northern Africa and lingered around Egypt, where Irisi was fascinated by such a similar culture to her own. Then it was India, where Mari wanted to stay forever, to really learn and exist where she came from, to be absorbed in the very ground there and become one with it.

India was Mari’s favorite. She convinced them to stay for the whole winter, only leaving after Holi.

Now they were in Japan, and Emrys, her brother, was more closed off than ever, trying to understand the hurt that lead to him being left alone by his parents. Trying to understand what it actually is to be half Japanese, besides something he can idly mention when talking to close friends about Earth. Then they’d go to South Korea, Emrys’ other half, and he’d start all over again over there, except hopefully the reunion with his mother would be better.

In Mari’s opinion, his biological parents didn’t deserve to see what an amazing, intelligent man they missed out on raising. Irisi insisted that would be rude to say.

Mari looked into her backpack to find it full of the supplies they’d need today for their hike. She’d have to nag Irisi about getting more sleep later, her girlfriend had a habit of waking too early and not even trying to sleep again.

She grabbed Irisi’s jacket, and once she pushed out of the tents’ flaps, threw it at her girlfriend.

“It’s not a desert here, you’ll catch your death.” Mari said tensely, trying not to snap with her own tiredness.

“Someone’s bright eyed and busy tailed.” Irisi muttered, snorting as she shrugged the jacket on in the pitch blackness of the morning.

Mari laughed, nudging Irisi with her hip as she pushed past her to look at their little food set up. “Tofu breakfast burrito? You spoil me.”

Irisi kissed her on the cheek, passing by to grab her own bag. “Anything for you.”

They worked together to pack up the tent and their chairs, all without any magic to aid them. When their contact got them to Earth, they were told to never use magic unless a life was on the line. Unfortunately, carrying their heavy camping gear up a mountain didn’t count.

It was still hard to see, and they had to use flashlights to navigate in the darkness. Mari sometimes was passively able to shift nature to their advantage, instinct over need causing it. Ambient magic seemed to pulse off of her as she got more and more into her element, reveling in the beauty around her, how it was all so alive, new and growing.

She and Irisi rarely talked on their hikes. It was almost meditative, and a kind of peace settled over Mari that she hadn’t felt in years. Not since her quiet youth of gardening in Mooshu, of always sunny days and no quests to save worlds.

Maybe Japan was her second favorite country.

They got to a flattened out seating area along the trail, not the top of the mountain, but near enough that the air felt thinner than usual. A campsite would be nearby, and they’d set up for the day, but for now, they’d rest on this little sanctuary within the sanctuary of Mount Takao.

Lazy dawn light was beginning to show, pale and shy. Irisi grinned, almost throwing down her bags and going to sit closest to the ledge, back against one of the concrete foundations of the picnic tables. Mari sighed, but settled her stuff down next to Irisi’s, grabbing the bag for camping chairs and also their fluffiest blanket from Switzerland.

Being the sensible one was exhausting. Mari now knew why she never bothered before.

“Mari! Come on!” Irisi yelled, disturbing some birds.

Mari set out the chairs, popping them into place and looking at Irisi. “Slouching against concrete isn’t good for your back.”

Irisi snorted, but upon seeing the blanket she got in her maroon camping chair and wiggled in it to move closer, making silly grabby hands at the blanket Mari had.

They leaned together, Irisi resting her head on Mari’s shoulder, now fully cuddled into their blanket. Pinks began to light up on the horizon, the canopy of trees below a mesh of greens with patches of pink from cherry blossoms.

Mari was transfixed. The sunrise filled her with the same awe that hollowed out her chest like New Years fireworks, like joyful children painting each other every color possible in the streets of New Delhi, like the pyramids of Giza, like seeing Irisi for the first time.

It was amazing in a whole new definition, taking her perspective and twisting it artfully, a wire sculpture of geometry she couldn’t even understand, in a dimension beyond her own three.

It felt spiritual, and before this trip she had only idly considered those kinds of things.

Warm tears traced lines down her cheeks, nothing but two twin tree trunks, two blades of grass, two stems to alien flowers. Magic and something she couldn’t name swirled within her, soft and welcoming, like coming home again and again.

Mari wanted to travel forever. To find every one of these moments and crystallize them in her memory, make them something tangible and real. She wanted to bring them back to the magical side of the Spiral, shove them in wizards’ faces and ask why they thought magic was what made them worthy, when no magic could make this kind of moment.

Irisi was snoring softly on her shoulder, and the sun was continuing to rise, the pretty colors gone, leaving only beautiful blues. Mari rested her head against Irisi’s, knowing she’d probably have a crick in her neck later, but let herself fall endlessly into a soft warm sleep.

They’d sleep for a few more hours, lovely and delicate, whole and there as two people in love could be.

#wiztober #wiztober2019 #inktober #inktober2019 #wizard101 #writing #wizard 101 #wizzy101 #wizzy #wiz101 #w101 #Mahamari Jade #irisi #Emrys Pyre #my ocs #ocs #wizard101 ocs #this is just full of all my feelings huh

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everyday-effing-therapy · 4 years

Text

01/01/2020

Good evening!

New year, new me? Certainly not. But I am definitely here to tell you something.

Everything will be okay. We hear it so rarely. And yet it’s the most basic of things that we need and that actually do happen. Cause everything passes and that includes all of the bad things.

My New Year’s Eve was fine, I am really glad I went. V’s mom drove us, but they were a bit late, so I waited with V’s grandmother and she is such a sweet human being. I honestly had so much fun talking to her.

The party itself was very nice as well, although some people were really late and then left early. I had fun myself, though.

I got so many compliments on my hair, which was a nice surprise and then also on my dress and makeup. I felt really nice and happy, definitely didn’t get as drunk as last year and had some meaningful conversations.

After midnight, we watched the fireworks, drank champagne, wished each other a happy new year and then Black kissed Marigold.

So I guess they’re official now, as this morning they were cuddling and smiling and well, of course it hurts.

I have a broken heart but it is not shattered.

And it’s a hell of a relief.

First things first, I actually like Marigold. Like, this year she is actually likable and I enjoy it, cause I didn’t feel okay disliking her.

Second of all, they seem to belong together. And yes, maybe in one of the alternate universes we belonged together, but I don’t have the right to say that we had to be together in this universe.

There were amazing moments between us and it’s quite funny how he waltzed into my life and turned it upside down.

Then he left, but not really, cause he still is there, smiles at me and we laugh and maybe I misunderstood it all, cause maybe it was always friendly and then I caught feelings.

Maybe we stood a chance, maybe we never did and maybe we do in the future or maybe we don’t.

I don’t want to say that it doesn’t matter, but in some way, it really doesn’t.

There is no use thinking about the past and regretting the decisions made. I made them honestly with myself and with my beliefs and I am proud of that, even if that brought me pain.

I am a woman with hands of silk and heart of steel and I need to remain one if I want to stay true to myself, to make a change. Life for us is not easy and will not be, as my father stated, but he is right, cause change is hard, improvement is hard, requires work, time, patience and great dedication.

I want to change the world and I want to be happy, so I’ll live with the hopes that I will achieve both in the future.

And it might be hard, the everyday pain, but it’s not suffering, not until I let it be, cause there are darker things than boys who stop dancing with you to your song or who kiss other girls on midnight.

I do wish Black and Marigold happiness. I felt sad although calm when I watched them today, not mad and heartbroken like when I saw Gold dating a girl a year ago.

As Harry Styles said in his song: “We’ll be alright”.

Silver is also himself, making decisions on his own and I cannot change it or alter it to my own liking. I wish him all the best too. Maybe we’ll meet in the future again. Maybe there will be another life for us. Another universe.

The morning passed alright, we sat together, drank tea and talked and it was a nice break, feeling myself and bittersweet, but it’s good, cause without sweetness there is no bitterness and without bitter there would be no sweet.

Then, V’s dad came for us and we went home. He drove me to my house, which was very nice of him.

When I came home I tried to sleep, I talked to my parents, listened to music and cried. Falling asleep might be tricky for some time now, as I used to fall asleep to my imagination of Black and now there is no Black, he is somebody else, new, maybe more realistic for his new girlfriend.

And it’s okay even if it doesn't always feel that way yet.

It was a good night, with good things happening, with beautiful stars and fireworks, with my tears and the pain in my chest, but it was real.

It was a real experience, down-to-earth, me watching the fireworks and tears streaming down my cheeks cause they kissed in front of me, really passionately, but I took it and I will take it all, cause one day it will be okay.

One day it will be like when I watched Black and Lily together and I was honestly just happy for them, with no deeper meaning, with no envy.

It will be okay and I will keep on repeating it, cause I need to hear it and I am sure that some of you do too. There is a hellish social stigma around it, around saying that everything’s going to be fine, because people feel like it’s lying.

Except it’s not, it’s basic, yes, but sometimes there are no better words, sometimes it’s the most meaningful thing of all.

I want to cherish the memory of him turning my life upside down, cause it was new and rough, it was eye-opening and life-changing and I feel like I’ve never had a crush like that. He made me feel things I didn’t think I was capable of. The first half of the year seemed more realistic for me, though, like I did a lot of things and I remember the time passing and the events which filled my life. The second part of the year passed with nothing much happening, but me staying mostly in my head.

It was unhealthy and toxic, so I hope that will change. I want to cherish life, that’s why I made a little new year’s resolution. Every day I am saving a picture and writing a little note of what made that day worthy and interesting. I hope I will manage and at the end of the year I will watch a little compilation of everything that happened. And feel like I wasn’t as detached from the world as I was this year.

When I was driving with V’s dad today, I looked out of the window today. It was gloomy and overcast and I thought that I feel the same way.

And then I realized. Winter is about everything being dark and short, but it’s also about having to rest. We put so many things on our schedules in winter where in reality, biology wants us to rest and prepare for the next year. Everything dies, so it can grow back, bigger and stronger when it gets warm again.

We have to wilt now, so as to bloom later.

And I promise you, we all will.

As for relaxation techniques, I did watch ASMR today, listened to music, watched Bob Ross - it always makes me feel a lot better and I think I will start the January yoga challenge today.

Give yourself time to rest mentally, so you can bloom later.

I wish you all the best in 2020 and forever after.

And to all my people with hands of silk, don’t worry that people will hurt you, cause yes, they will, but you were gifted with granite fingernails, so as to open somebody’s soul and look into it. Your weakness is your greatest weapon.

And to all my people with hearts of steel, you don’t want to get hurt, but you will, because love hurts, but living without it hurts more. Let yourself open up, take down the walls rather than build them up. Your weakness is your greatest weapon.

Your weaknesses are beautiful. We are like flowers, beautiful and weak, but relentless and ever-growing. Let yourself wilt and bloom. Let yourself live. Let yourself feel.

That’s what makes us human.

Take care,

#01/01 #night post #22:01 #diary #journal #journal entry #c posts #c has found herself #blooming #wilting #life #everything will be alright

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yeoldontknow · 6 years

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Surprise! Your bias asked you out on a date! The only thing is, he wants you to match 8 of your mutuals with the rest of exo for a group date. @ the mutuals you're choosing for each member (not your bias) and explain why you chose them.

so this came in ages ago and just...i love seeing this? idk why lmao they make me laugh and theyre so much fun. i also take shipping and biasing so seriously because im that hoe. im 200% soft tonight after my dys update and im about 2/3 bottle of red deep so i figure now, at 1 in the morning - slightly tipsy and soft af - is the perfect time to answer this.

i also love these cause yeol is just arriving all the time to ask me out on dates. chanyeol, i love you but maybe ask me for my number? call me? text me? this is cute but like do all your friends REALLY need dates? its ok i love your cute knees and years and neck and butt and hands and everything so ill be matchmaker all night

@kpopandlock - jongin is DUMB excited for his date with kara. lowkey this my greatest otp for a lot of reasons. they both have this crazy intense energy where they connect deeply with those around them and have this strong desire to see justice fulfilled. like, this a couple who roots for the underdog and wants to fix and mend the world. spreading love and good will, not in a cheery santa way (tho they for sure are the type to wear reindeer headbands from december 1 to like...jan 27 just because, and maybe even on a random day in june), but in a charity work/political activism way. and then, after theyve saved 2/10 of the world, they nap. their date is a pajama party filled with wine (for kara), popcorn, and movies about dogs...like airbud.

@yehet-me-up - junmyeon spends 10 hours fretting over his date with sarah because dating is weird and hard, and intimacy doesnt really come naturally to him. the minute yeol and i say were hooking him up, he instantly starts trying to run before he walks, but as soon as theyre together its literal fireworks. these two need each other so much. theyre both halfway to being nervous wrecks about something, but they balance each other out so well its crazy. this the mom and dad couple who know where everyone is at any given moment, but also are SO INTENSE and devoted to one another it causes most people in the room physical pain. also, this couple looks and acts like royalty. bow down, kids, pledge allegiance to the real otp.

@from-dae-do-dae - when jongdae hears hes going on a date with fei, he immediately becomes the noisest, happiest man in the room. fei and dae have the most amazing dynamic in which they are every couple at once. loud and noisy? sure bet. jazz hoes who sip bourbon and study art? friday night at the feidae household. the quiet serious couple who spend too much time focusing on work? always. the couple that will kick your ass at scattergories and not even feel badly? for sure. i love them. hes liberated and wild enough to make sure fei cuts loose when shes getting too withdrawn and fei is a rock on which dae feels supported and grounded. im getting so emo thinking about this. one date turns into 300 years of marriage. iconic.

@nunchiwrites - kyungsoo is relatively quiet when he hears about a date with nunchi, but he does that cute, tiny soft smile because BOYYYYY is he excited. its not that nunchi is innocent, its just that she radiates goodness at every turn. shes funny and sassy enough to keep him laughing, incredibly well read and intelligent to fuel conversation, and warm enough to draw him out of his shell. their dynamic starts pretty shy, but by the end of the date neither of them want it to end. they go on a date for pizza because they both live on cheese and carbs, and neither of them want to go home because why go home when there are stars they could watch together AND MORE CONVERSATIONS TO HAVE? date ends with date numbers 2-8 already planned.

@co-kai-ne - yixing blushes only slightly when he hears he gets to take sofi out on a date. few people on this earth are worthy of yixing and sofi is one of them, for sure. the purity and softness radiating out of this couple will heal the world, im already picturing the way their dynamic makes the sun rise. both of them need each other in various ways - the reassurance that will grow naturally between them is unreal. it will never be question because it just is. instinctively, theyd understand each others needs. sofi would feel like a home for yixing and therefore would be the only one who could convince to rest when he needs it. yixing is fixed and stable enough in his energy to ensure sofi feels safe, nurtured, and adored. date is at an arcade in which yixing wins her 3 stuffed animals and walks here home where he kisses her cheek. second date only happens after he gets permission from the family and promises to take good care of her.

@queenoftheimpala - baek is already on date 17 with ali so this is run of the mill for him. hes obsessed with my bffs quirky and playful energy. on every level, they match each other. this the couple that never stops laughing or coming for others - either in jokes or pranks or in simple teasing phrases. alternatively, this the couple that never stops HYPING one another. ali the type to watch baek make an ass of himself and smile like ‘thats my guy.’ baek the type to see ali trip over nothing yell ‘GODDESS’ in the middle of a crowded street. also the nurturing mother hen vibe from them is just perpetual and constant. also hes the only man i would ever let take my best friend out because his heart radiates angelic goodness and she deserves NO LESS THAN PERFECTION OKAY.

@pebble-xo - sehun giggles with joy that he gets to take jade out on their, what, 100th date? theyre basically a canon, official couple at this point. this my fashion otp, my youth otp, my real otp. theyre SO INCREDIBLY soft for their friends, like more devoted than most, but still so mature. this the couple that are young af but like...22 going on 76. so mature in all of their actions and choices, and intensely dedicated to their passions. their encouragement of one another is silent yet totally profound. also, they the brunch couple we are all secretly jealous of.

@yeol-stole-my-soul - minseok is utterly thrilled when he hears he and maria are going on a date. its their first one and even though this energy never really makes it to romance, these two become fast, rude af, hilarious friends. their dynamic is SUPER playful and they devote themselves to teasing the living shit out of their friends. also, soft kids who love their friends too much. also, fun kids who like...are so the type to go to an amusement park and ride everything 4 times. also, BOTH are wildly intelligent and achieving the literal most in school. and whenever minnie starts kicking off being a lil too beautiful, maria will be there to tell him to stop. KING AND QUEEN OF DORK SOFT I LIVE

omg i love doing these so much why am i like this

#mutual ships #why do i love these so much what #Anonymous

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gothshy · 7 years

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bigmacintoshrp replied to your post “;; i am here. gonna work on some stuff. but i’ll be LURKING. got to...”

I'm guessing "Best Pony" is the GlimGlam? Yeah the comparison is forced at best by those who want to reach to stir shit.

;; Nope. It’s Rarity.

LMao. Yes. It’s GlimGlam. And you’re right. It’s reaching. And at the expense of losing some followers and getting some Ask Box hate here I’m going to illustrate here why I think comparing them isn’t fair to either and reaching a lot. It’s not just that it’s getting really fucking old making Glimmer the whipping boy of the fandom and comparing her to every redeemed pony there is and saying they’re better (Luna, Shimmer and even Trixie), it’s even that it’s gotten so far that people’s arguments aren’t making sense anymore.

Example, not a strawman. I actually heard this said.

“Tempest lost her horn. Glimmer got her cutie mark. Her reasons for becoming a villain aren’t good. Tempest has a better reason.”

Firstly...what?

So people can’t just be shitty people, first off?

Glimmer was just a shitty person. Has that ever crossed anyone’s mind? That there doesn’t have to be this big justifiable angsty backstory to make someone a worldclass dick. Hitler’s paintings got rejected and we see where that went. That’s not particularly a good fucking reason to be history’s #1 asshole. Sometimes people are awful.

Okay, but that’s a sidetrack. Back to the horn and cutie mark. Yeah, Tempest lost her horn. lol it still works.

I was watching it with my best friend and at the end of the movie he was like “Why does this bitch even want it fixed, she can do everything?”

So, the argument that she’s "better” because of a design choice is silly. And these are the kind of things I’ve been hearing. It’s unfair to Tempest too. Because it draws attention to her appearance and away from her character which has some nuance details that made her way better than the “bad OC” that had been fearing she would be. Frankly, there’s a lot more interesting about Tempest than the fact that she’s a “villain.” The fact that she basically ran the Storm King’s shit is interesting. That she clung to ideals that get shattered within minutes is heart-breaking. And I think that’s something the fandom isn’t really looking at. Instead it’s focusing on the horn-angst that doesn’t even need to be a thing. As we saw at the end she’s handi-capable for lack of a better term. She’s more powerful than most unicorns and her character is defined by determination and discipline.

Starlight...well, she aint the same. She’s a whole different animal. Unless you’re looking at it from a superficial level of unicorns who got reformed by Twilight, it’s as different as can be. For one, and in case the fandom seems to have missed this, Glimmer has mental issues. She doesn’t reach logical conclusions when upset and follows her insane solutions to their conclusion and can be an extremely dangerous person (pony) when unchecked and, yeah, when she was shitty that made her a villain by default. But because Twilight is fucking saintly, she saw that she needed HELP and reached out. Think about that. Really think about it. Tempest saves herself. She’s as sane as can be. She has a working conscience and realizes in those moments that Twi and her friends are threatened what is right and wrong. Starlight, meanwhile, broken and crying and ready to pretty much destroy time and Equestria over a petty grudge, has to be EXPLAINED TO that it’s wrong and that she is worthy of friendship and love. Starlight is rescued. Tempest rescues. They’re as different as can be.

People who hate Starlight are gonna hate her. That’s fine and dandy. But telling me that the new character is better or an improvement of her I think is unfair to both when the writing and handling of both characters was handled so differently. Everything is different.

And for the record, I don’t feel satisfied with Temp’s redemption. Just like I didn’t with Star’s in season 5. I don’t feel like it was done “better” or “worse.” It had the typical mlp rushed resolution feel. You can’t undo the shit you made, set some fireworks off and then I’m convinced you’re not the sadist you were before. You need two seasons of development too. (Tempest in the show? Sure! I’d be for that. Tempest and Starlight as buddies? Hell yes! Maybe it’ll stop the comparisons!)

That’s my two cents.

#bigmacintoshrp #;; out of curiosity #xx opinion

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siren-dragon · 7 years

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La La Land -- (Ardyn Izunia x Reader) Ch. 2

Hey everyone, I finally finished chapter 2! ^_^

I was going to finish it earlier but I had homework to do and then as I was writing this last night, it was so late that I started falling asleep, so I’m posting it now. Anyway, I hope you guys all enjoy it.

Tagging: @poisonous-panda, @valkyrieofardyn, @maty-yami, and @ardynium again. If anyone else wants a tag, just let me know. :D

Chapter 2 – The Fall

“I have a hard time trusting people. I just never wanna jump unless I’m sure somebody’s gonna catch me.” “Oh, I’ll catch you. And if I should miss for any reason, I’ll sit by your bedside and nurse you back to health.” -The 10th Kingdom, 2000

The flames of the Meteor shinned brightly across the fields of Duscae, painting the twilight skyline with unique shades of orange, pink, purple, and blue. It looked so perfectly picturesque that Ardyn could not help but smile at the sight. Soon he would see for himself if the young prince was truly the Chosen King. But until then, he simply had to play the waiting game.

Walking up the stairs of the lookout, Ardyn entered Lestallum proper. The main thoroughfare was filled with people, laughing with one another or dancing to the melodies that street musicians were playing. Children raced after each other with joyful smiles, innocent to the horrors that lay beyond the lights of the city. Coming to the nearest restaurant Ardyn sat down at an empty table, tapping his hand along to the music.

“What do you think of Lestallum my dear?” He asked aloud, watching the sun set beyond the horizon.

“It reminds me of the Summer Festival at Galdin Quay. All that’s missing is the fireworks.” (f/n) answered, giggling slightly at the memory.

Ardyn looked to his companion, who was sitting in the chair opposite as him. Still clad in the same white sundress with indigo ribbons tied in her hair; she truly was a sight to behold.

“Hello sir, what can I get you?” A waiter asked politely.

“A glass of wine please, red if you have it.”

“Excellent sir. And will you be dining alone this evening?”

“….No. My companion will be arriving later.”

“Not a problem sir, just let me know when you are ready.” The waiter replied before leaving for the other customers.

“A table for two again,” (f/n) spoke, followed by slight chuckle. “Who is the lucky girl?”

Ardyn did not met her gaze, instead choosing to focus upon the flickering flame of the candle placed between them. “You should already know that once you’ve fallen, nothing else will truly compare.”

“….I know.”

The walk back to the cottage was made in silence, and Ardyn briefly considered knocking the woman unconscious and fleeing from the village. But the gentlemanly nature he believed to have abandoned him, refused to comply with such an act. So Ardyn followed (f/n), appearing much like a young boy who had been caught with sweets before supper. It was a humiliating experience, yet one that held a feeling of normalcy that was welcomed amongst the constant fear, anger, and sorrow.

Having arrived back at (f/n) home once more, Ardyn was able to view the farm in it’s entirety. There stood the cottage, with a small vegetable path beside that held all manner of produce. To the right of the cottage was a large pen that held several Daggerquills, some nesting while others soared out of the cage and high into the air. Though what caught Ardyn by surprise was a chocobo that sat within its own pen, it’s plumage a beautiful shade of ivory that gleamed like the finest pearls from Altissia.

“Beautiful chocobo,” He whispered, the creature reminding him painfully of his own obsidian-colored chocobo.

“Thank you. Lux was a gift from my father, and we’ve been together for many years. Though I often wonder if I am his owner or his servant.”

Ardyn chuckled, raising his hand for the massive bird to sniff. Lux moved his head all about Ardyn before deeming him worthy and allowing him to touch him. He gently let his hand stroke the snow-white feathers while the chocobo chirped happily. “I understand. My old mount often tried to bury his beak within my pockets in search of snacks.”

(f/n) laughed, “I wish I could have seen that.” She grinned before opening the front door and walking into the cottage.

He stood awkwardly upon the threshold before (f/n) voice shouted at him from within, beckoning him to enter too. Slowly Ardyn placed the satchel of stolen belongings and beside the front door and continued f into the living room. The blankets that lay before the fireplace were still there, indicating that (f/n) noticed his disappearance early and had chased after him.

“I hope Magnus did not give you too much of a scare.” (f/n) asked, picking up the discarded blankets on the floor. “He can be rather serious about his job without realizing it.”

“Nothing of any consequence.” Ardyn answered honestly, if uncomfortably.

Folding the blankets that she had used the previous night, (f/n) came to a halt before Ardyn; head cocked to the side as she stared thoughtfully at him. Those sharp (e/c) iris’ made Ardyn shift nervously while under their gaze. It was as if the young woman could see every secret he possessed with a mere glance…

“Lady (f/n) I….I wish to apologize for my actions toward you. You restored me to health, while disregarding your own; and I repaid that kindness by robbing you.”

“Apology accepted Ardyn,”(f/n) said.

“I…I do not understand….”

“Well; while your actions were certainly rude, and uncalled for, I have already forgiven you. I may be shocked at such an occurrence, but I am not going to throw you to the sabertusks of the world due to your hour of self-preservation.” (f/n) spoke before proceeding into another room.

“…. Thank you.” She stopped at his words and turned to face him, smiling brightly. “Your welcome.”

He would often hear throughout his long existence that women fall first, but men fall harder. In that moment, Ardyn had realized that he had fallen; though how hard he had, he would have to see.

Time waits for no one, and before he knew it; it summer was coming to an end. Slowly but surely Ardyn helped (f/n) all around her miniscule farm in exchange for her saving him and residing within her home. Though she was generous beyond belief, Ardyn refused to take her bed from her and instead slept before the fireplace. However, Ardyn’s favorite activity was tending to Lux, as the majestic chocobo reminded him fiercely of his old black chocobo, Ebony.

“At this rate, Lux will consider you his owner.” (f/n) laughed.

Though there was much about the world that Ardyn knew nothing about, and (f/n) strived to help him as best she could. She did not ask questions as to why he did not know what an automobile was, or why he did not know how to work the shower head to wash himself. (f/n) would simply give him a wry smile, as if trying not to laugh at his new problem, and correct him if necessary….

But the nightmares still haunted him in the evening hours. Every time his eyes closed, he would remember it all once more; the arrest, the trial….and the execution. Ardyn would cry out in pain and terror as he felt himself approach the headman’s block, while the very citizens who had once praised his name now cheered for his death. There would stand his betrayer; a gleeful smirk of victory present across his face as Ardyn was dragged before the large crowd.

A boot slammed into his back, forcing him to his knees and his gaze to the blood-stained stone block. “Let us end this daemon’s hold upon us forever!” The man he once considered a brother shouted, causing the crowd to shout for joy.

He leaned down and chuckled. “Do you see brother? How they laugh and smile? Such loyal sheep, and so easily swayed.”

Ardyn felt a forceful tug of his mated, wine-colored hair before his head was slammed against the executioners block once more. “All hail the Chosen King,” he whispered cruelly into his ear.

In one movement, the executioner came forward and Ardyn struggled against his bonds and shouted in horror as the large great axe fell upon him while the spectators laughed.

…Yet the blow did not come.

The sound of the crowd died and Ardyn felt a gentle pressure brush across his hair instead of pain. Flesh as soft as silk and warm as the sun slowly danced across his hair. “It’s alright, you’re safe.”

He opened eyes and stared upward, gold meeting (e/c) iris’. The windows were still dark, signaling the late hour, and the fire had turned into a smoldering pile of embers. (f/n) was kneeling beside him, still dressed in her sleeping attire with her hand running through his magenta locks. She simply smiled at him, “don’t worry, I’ll stay.”

Ardyn closed his eyes once more, smiling in content at the presence beside him.

“Come Ardyn, we’ve much to do today!”

“I don’t understand, I’ve already collected all eggs.” He frowned in confusion.

(f/n) grinned, “Our tasks are not work related. Today is the Summer Festival! It happens every year in Galdin Quay at the end of summer to celebrate the end of the season.”

“Oh? Is that what that construction has been for the past few days?”

“Yes, and we are going to participate. Come!”

Grabbing hold of his hand, (f/n) pulled him outside the cottage; the sky a beautiful pale blue with the sun shining brightly. Ardyn watched as (f/n) opened the gate to Lux’s pen and began saddling the chocobo. It had been 3 days since his more recent night-terror and he had awoken to see (f/n) comforting him. He tried to explain the reason of his nightmares, but she had stopped him. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But I am willing to listen if you wish to speak of it.”

The gesture was appreciated more than she knew, and Ardyn only wished he could speak to her of it.

“Oh, so your affections have changed, hmm?”

Ardyn blinked in surprise at (f/n) words before realizing she was glaring Lux, who was chirping happily at him and rubbing its large head against his cheek. He chuckled and stroked the bird’s plumage, causing (f/n) to huff in mock anger. “Traitor,” she said.

“Jealousy is not a good look for you, my dear.”

She raised an eyebrow, “I appreciate the tip, Ardyn.”

He grinned and in one motion, mounted the ivory chocobo before holding out his hand to her. “Your welcome. Now come, if I recall there is a festival that is waiting.”

“Then let us be off!” She replied happily, taking hold of his hand.

During his time with (f/n), Ardyn had visited the village of Galdin Quay many times. Though now it appeared almost as an entirely new place. Strings of paper lanterns hung throughout the town and colorful booths stood in front of the stores and homes. Children chased one another wearing masks or cheered one another as they played the array of games displayed for prizes.

“Come, let’s go!” (f/n) laughed, dragging him along after they tied Lux to a post to graze.

Together they journeyed throughout the festival stands, trying every street food there was while playing the silly games for prizes. He couldn’t help but laugh as (f/n) placed a moogle mask onto her face while she applauded his skills at the shooting gallery. She even managed to purchase a simple scarf from one of the vendors which she gifted to him. He smiled at the gesture before wrapping the scarf about his neck, making her beam happily. As the sun began to set and evening approached they walked to the edge of the festival, sitting upon a hill on the edge of the village.

“This was very pleasant.” Ardyn spoke.

(f/n) nodded, her moogle mask now within her hands than on her face. “I’m glad you liked it. Sometimes we need to enjoy ourselves to appreciate life.”

“Thank you (f/n).”

“Don’t worry about it, Ardyn.”

“No.” Ardyn spoke, taking hold of her hand. She glanced at their interlinking hands before meeting his gaze. “Thank you…. for everything.” He said, moving closer to her.

“…Your welcome.” She replied right before their lips met just as the fireworks lite up the night sky.

“Would you like to order now or wait for your companion?” The waiter asked.

Ardyn twirled the wine-glass between his fingers, watching the now empty seat that sat across from him. “I’m afraid that will not be necessary. Thank you for your service.”

He tossed more than enough gil onto the table before leaving the restaurant and to the hotel, the joyful laughter mocking him as he walked alone.

And that is the end of chapter 2! I’ll be working on chapter 3 as soon as I can, so stay tuned! ^_^

#ffxv #fanfiction #ardyn izunia x reader #ardyn izunia #my writing #la la land - ch. 2

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youremyonlyhope · 5 years

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Stranger Things 3

Episode 8. This is it!

It was originally going to be in a post with episode 7 like the rest of the episodes were paired up, but it got too long.

And seriously some people may pretend that Season 2 has only 8 episodes because they hated the Lost Sister so much, but 8 episodes did not feel like enough after 9 last time.

Update: I edited the post on mobile and apparently deleted the cutoff without noticing. So. I really hope for the hour or so it wasn’t there that I didn’t spoil anyone.

…So.

After that opening, I paused. Got up. Shakily walked down the stairs to tell my mom that this was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever seen. I literally watched that opening with my hands half covering the screen. And then I drank a full glass of water and ate some mango. And now I’m back. I broke my rule of not writing while watching in order to write this. Now back to the episode. Ew.

Now that I’ve finished the episode, before I write down my thoughts scene by scene, I want to say. My final verdict is: Exit Wounds.

But let’s go through the moments in the episode first before I get into that. And I lied, I did pause a few times, but only to write a couple words to help jolt my memory later.

Yeah so that opening. Disgusting. But I already wrote what I thought. Hopper and El were holding hands with the little blue hairband around her hand and his thumb. My heart. I love it. Murray’s Russian plan was a good one. I guess Hopper’s was the faster solution though. At this point I wrote down “Family lesbian nerd mom collarless“ And I was basically trying to make a joke. “Sometimes a family can be a mom with great hair, a lesbian sailor, a black girl nerd, and collarless boy.” Or did Steve call Dustin boneless? I can’t remember. But yeah that was my joke. Oh poor El’s powers. I hope she’s ok. AANNNNNDDDD IT’S HERE. Can Terminator Dude just stop. Joyce and Hopper agreed to go on a date. This is important for my Exit Wounds theory that started to kind of form around now. The moment they agreed I was like oh god here we go. I love that they called themselves the Scoops Troop. Very cute. So much anxiety while they tried to run from the Mind Flayer. Steve to the rescue again!!!! It’s not a Stranger Things season if Steve doesn’t swoop in at the last second to save them. Usually from Billy. I think that Dustin and Suzie singing was cute, but also completely random. But it led to another instance of a girl saving the day. Which I love. (Also it was something I was spoiled for since YouTube suggested a video called something like “The meaning behind Dustin and Suzie’s song!” and I was like oh ok so now I’ve been spoiled that she’s real. Cool.) Can Terminator Dude just stop. I wrote down “Terminator wrists visible” when he started fighting Hopper. Because if he is a sibling of Eleven, which I think he is, then he’d have a number tattoo on his wrist. We haven’t really seen his wrists up until now (besides in the hall of mirrors). And I was convinced we were about to get a flash of a “001″ or a “002.” (Wait… if there was a number shown in the mirror and I missed it… I’ll be mad.) I wrote down “Billy sacrifice?” when he picked up El. Especially because he seemed kind of gentle when he transferred her from carrying her fireman style to bridal style. I was wondering if Billy was actually giving El over or if he was about to sacrifice himself to save them. The Billy memory scene was super emotional. And I was glad the fireworks came in handy. Once Hopper and Terminator ended up by the machine, I wrote down “Hopper=Exit Wounds” because I had a bad feeling it was gonna be an Exit Wounds situation. Or I guess more accurately a Reset situation. Joyce and Hopper finally agreed to go on a date, an actual date, and then one (or both) die. I realize now that even though I wrote down Exit Wounds, Reset’s probably more accurate. BUT the Exit Wounds still ends up fitting. We’ll get there. Both Billy and Hopper dying made my eyes get wet. But I didn’t cry. I did not cry. My eyes were just wet. And I was proud of myself at this point. OH THANKS A LOT DR. OWENS. RIGHT ON TIME TO COVER IT ALL UP BUT NOT TO HELP THEM STOP IT. THANKS A LOT. I mean, yeah fine it’s good to have you since this is hard to explain and you’re the one military person they can trust so yeah, thanks, BUT I STILL WISH YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN THERE EARLIER. COME ON. I did not cry over Eleven’s reaction either. I literally thought to myself “Oh, if they hold this shot of her starting to cry I’m gonna cry too” then it cut to black. And I was like ok cool I didn’t cry. Ha. Creepy arcade dude now has a job at the video store. Good for him. Look at these three Broadway Babies singing on Stranger Things. Yay. The other thing I’d been spoiled for was El saying I love you back to Mike. Oh well. I could have been spoiled for much worse things.

Now here’s where this becomes Exit Wounds. Message from Hopper from the beyond that he wrote before he died. Just like Tosh. And just like Tosh, it made me shed a tear. But then the full on crying started when I saw Will’s face and he was crying saying goodbye to everyone. Will is my child. If he cries then I cry. And then we got all the kids crying and I was like oh god this hurts and I kept crying. Then Mike hugged his mom like he did in Season 1 after seeing the body and I was like no this throwback hurts (HA. LITTLE DID I KNOW.). Max crying over Billy made me cry more. I didn’t even like Billy but I didn’t want him to die! I’m glad he got some sort of redemption. But I wish it didn’t cost him his life. He deserved better. Then Dustin and Lucas gave Erica all of Will’s D&D books and I just knew they were in the box before they opened it and I started crying even HARDER because encouraging black girls to be nerds! My heart. And Hopper called himself “your poor old dad” and I had just been thinking earlier when they held hands that she doesn’t call him dad yet he is her dad and now we know he considered himself her dad and everything was hurting ok!?!?!?

And then.

Netflix gave me the single most heartbreaking caption it could give me.

[“Heroes” by Peter Gabriel playing]

AND. I. LOST. IT. I thought I’d already lost it at this point. I really thought I’d already lost it. I didn’t know I could lose it more than I’d already lost it. Before then I was literally ugly sobbing but trying to stay quiet since my mom was home and hasn’t seen it yet. Once I read that caption and heard the song I literally started hitting my couch over and over again and rocking back and forth and crying even harder. Gasping sobs. Ugly sobs. I haven’t cried this hard in so long.

When the Uhaul truck closed, I heard my front door open and knew my brother was home so I started frantically wiping my face on my shirt and tried to stop crying since my brother hasn’t seen this either and I don’t want to spoil him that this finale is cry worthy.

And then the episode ended. And it was Exit Wounds all over again. A couple agrees to date, one (or both) dies, and one leaves behind an emotional note about how much they love the ones they care about. I am not ok.

The season may have started slow, but it’s the only season to make me cry so automatically I love it.

BUT I’VE BEEN SAYING SINCE DAY ONE THAT IF THEY KILLED OFF HOPPER I WILL RIOT. SO WHO WANTS TO JOIN ME. LET’S GO KILL THE DUFFER BROTHERS.

OH AND BILLY. WE WENT NEARLY FULLY ZUKO REDEMPTION WITH BILLY. SAD BACKSTORY. SELF SACRIFICE. I AM HURTING. WHY DID THIS SHOW MAKE ME CRY OVER BILLY?

My one complaint of this season: not NEARLY enough Will. What did we get to see Will do? Have his spidey sense go off a bit? Then he cried at the end? COMPLETE WASTE OF NOAH’S TALENTS. WE SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM AN EMMY LAST SEASON. But David Harbour has the Emmy secured this time so I guess that’s fine.

Yeah. So. I feel drained. I’m glad I didn’t force myself to stay up last night to finish the show because I would have been too tired to do it. Now I’m just emotionally tired. Help.

WAIT WHAT THERE’S AN AFTER CREDIT’S SCENE. WAIT A SECOND. I only noticed because my mouse hovered over the bar and I saw a frame. Ok gonna watch it.

“Not the American” BUT WHAT AMERICAN? COULD HOPPER BE ALIVE? I had thought to myself “I’m glad they didn’t show us Hopper exploding like the others.” BUT WHAT IF HE HADN’T EXPLODED? WHAT IF HE WAS TELEPORTED OR SOMETHING. No. I think I’m just in the denial stage and grasping at straws. Of course it’s a Demadog. Oh wait, I guess a fully grown Demagorgon. Great.

While watching the scene, I was scared it would show that Hopper was still alive and I was glad that I didn’t know it existed so I could put all my emotions over his death into writing before finding out he was alive. But he’s not alive. As far as we know. So all the emotions are still the same with maybe just a little hope that he’s the American.

Update: My mom heard me crying. She says "It better not be one of the three boys. Not the little black Lion King boy. It better not be Sheriff Dad." And I just laughed nervously the whole time she talked about who she didn't want to die.

#hope watches stranger things #ignore me if you want

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withering-heliotrope · 7 years

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Mulan Twist

Okay, but has anyone ever considered what Mulan would be like if Mulan hadn’t actually been a girl? Just think about it:

- rather than Mulan, his name could actually be Ping.

- instead of being shamed for not being a suitable wife, he could be shamed for the fact that he has rejected whatever girl the match maker presented to him. Also it could be a possible reason as to why the match maker was so precise about how she wanted things, since one of her highly difficult employers could not be satisfied. This keys into a further point that should arouse suspicion of Ping’s sexuality.

- the idea of stealing his father’s armor would have been just as believable. His father was old and he wanted to save him from, for a man of his age, what would have been unavoidable death. This is, however, dependent on whether Ping’s name would be in the declaration for soldiers instead of his father’s, since he would indeed be the only son present and of age.

- there would be no loss of a struggle for our main antagonist. Ping would still have to struggle to make it through the training issued by Shang. It is obvious that in the original, Mulan struggled because she was a girl. Not because girls aren’t “good enough”. No, in that time women exerted the most labor in simply trying to keep impossible posture and remain soft spoken. That was how things were, excluding the influential females of that generation. Ping, however, would not be acquainted to the physical exertion since he, as I’d imagine, would not be the most masculine of candidates, also a jab at my character development category of sexuality, which is upcoming.

- we all noted in the original movie how Mulan had several occurrences of having let her eyes fall a tad too adoringly upon Shang when he disrobed or did something particularly masculine or attractive. Imagine how that looked to the other soldiers since at the time they thought she was a man. Of course she had felt no shame or confusion; she was a woman and it was her right to be attracted to the other sex. Ping, on the other hand, is actually a man. He has everything to fear since no other man he’s known shows an interest in men. And here he is, realizing as he sees the battle ready physique of Shang just why he disliked the match maker’s candidates so much.

- when the boy’s head down to bathe where Ping is, of course there would be a certain amount of strain. However, I’d imagine that Ping would not hide because he has different genitalia, as Mulan did. He has nothing to hide physically. No, he’d hide because how awkward would it be for a closeted gay man to be in a pond, surrounded by other naked men, all of which have progressed in their training and can successfully kill him if he were to let his curious eyes wander? Um, hella awkward.

- it would also be much easier to believe that Ping could complete all of the miraculous saves and strength requiring heroics. While Mulan no doubt gained muscle mass, there is a certain bulk that Ping would have as an extra boost. Much more room for believable acts of bravery and ambition. This could have transformed the movie into more action oriented.

- moving onto Mushu. Rather than being sent to bring Mulan back so she can play pretty little wife candidate, he would be sent off to assist Ping. No doubt the ancestors would be disapproving of Ping for refusing the match maker’s recommendations since a proper wide is customary to uphold family honor, but they probably would have picked up on his tendencies to kneel before their headstones and beg for their guidance upon matters of infatuation that he could not admit aloud, in fear of being struck by his ancestors. Mushu would understand, being a minority and small protector himself. Their friendship would be tied to how they feel useless in their societies, as if they aren’t worthy or simply cannot offer as much as they want to.

- when Mulan was finally discovered she was sentenced to death for having disguised herself as Ping to serve in the army in her father’s place. It was an offense for a woman to be a soldier then. But she was spared by the single fact that she’d saved Shang and he owed her his life. So, he gave her her life to keep living. However, for Ping it would have been utterly scandalous. While he was in fact a man, and did nothing of the sort wrong in enrolling since he was on the register, his offense would be the growing realization that he had fallen for Shang. His close friends would have known that something was up, but they believed it to be admiration and respect. They hadn’t encountered homosexuality as of yet. Not many had, or at least weren’t aware they had. So his sentence would not be for being a girl as Mulan’s was. It would be for his slipping up and letting an incriminating comment slip, that revealed his feelings toward Shang to be more than friendly.

- this deserves a second point for its severity. Imagine how Shang didn’t have to feel the weight of loving a man still resign on his shoulders when Mulan was revealed to be a girl. His feelings were safe. He thought he’d loved a man, but he truly got lucky when she turned out to be his preferred gender. In my Ping version however, it would not be so. He would have dreaded how he didn’t mind the eyes that wandered over him in a hungry fashion, because he would do the same when Ping wasn’t looking. Shang would be dragged into the pit of unknowingness and fear with every passing day that he could be imprisoned for loving someone who shared the same sex. This adds much more character development and angst that I’m personally an absolute whore for. 😂

- we arrive at the point where Ping managed to find his way to China where they are celebrating the defeat of the Huns. Here he approaches Shang on horseback during the parade. We all remember how he yanked away from Mulan and told her to leave. Well imagine being faced with the dark eyes of the man you aren’t supposed to love, the man you hoped you’d never see again, but had wished would survive the freezing terrain. He’d be terrified for both of their lives, for the whole palace to notice how his eyes shined for Ping’s arrival. But he had to pull away, because Ping was dangerous for his title, the title worn and damaged by his father’s death in battle. It was supposed to be a time of celebration, not mourning or confusion of his feelings and sexuality.

- this brings us to the ingenious plan of Mulan’s friends dressing up as women to lure away the guards. Not only would this remain the same, it would be far more hilarious since it wasn’t dear sweet Mulan asking them to do this, it was their friend Ping. The same Ping that whooped their asses, fell in love with their commander, defeated the Huns (supposedly), saved their commander, was excommunicated from the army, shamed, and still survived while turning the other cheek. They did this because they were Ping’s friends, and they trusted he wasn’t doing this for a laugh.

- Shang’s being cut down by the Hun leader would’ve been all the more dramatic. Not only would we see how Shang wanted to have Ping be the last thing he saw before he went unconscious, but he would do nothing to fight Ping’s embrace. This shows acceptance and character development of the smallest degree such ehe in fact could do much to resist it, being immobile and injured after all. The leader of the Huns would no doubt be confused, adding more room for Ping to be allowed a moment of raging revenge and bravery before he got to vanquishing him by a fireworks show. (Because Ping is about as gay as they come and he loves dem fireworks. Go out with a bang.)

- there still would be no army father to disapprove of Shang’s choice. He’s dead, my apologies. And it would be my intuition that states Ping’s parents would have no qualms with their son’s love interest. I feel like they would have always known. Being a Disney movie I’d like to assume that they did not encounter homophobia, but in reality there would be major persecution and possibly execution.

However

- we conclude with my favorite line, “You don’t meet a girl like that every dynasty.” Imagine it being, “You don’t meet a BOY like that every dynasty.” Imagine the emperor smiling wisely at Shang’s surprise after he says it, seeing in his eyes the amount of relief and swelling pride he would have felt to have gotten the emperor’s blessing and encouragement to pursue his love, even if it was illegal and unheard of at the time.

Just imagine, I ask. And if any of you prefer the original Mulan to this concept, I respect that because I adore the original and I have a shit ton of things to say about that one too. Perhaps another master post is required. 😂

#Mulan #theory #conspiracy #sexuality

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chorusfm · 7 years

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Matt Nathanson – Some Mad Hope

Few albums sound more like growing up to me than Matt Nathanson’s Some Mad Hope. Last year, for my 26th birthday, I wrote a blog post where I chose one defining song from every year I’ve spent on the planet. “Car Crash,” the opening track from Some Mad Hope, was my pick for 2007. For me, that song—and this record in general—marked the end of youthful innocence and the beginning of something a little more complex and a little less black and white. It’s tough to imagine a better record for that moment in life than Some Mad Hope, which effortlessly pairs pop hooks and anthemic arrangements with emotionally weighty lyrical work. What is tough to process is the fact that this record—the one that marked the start of my journey from youth to adulthood—is now 10 years in the rearview. Some Mad Hope would prove to be Matt Nathanson’s breakthrough, but it wasn’t his first record. On the contrary, in Nathanson’s catalog, Some Mad Hope holds the status of being the sixth LP. He’d moved the needle slightly in the past. His cover of the James hit “Laid” opened American Wedding, the final film in the initial American Pie trilogy, and his fifth album, 2003’s Beneath the Fireworks (produced by future Springsteen collaborator Ron Aniello) spawned reasonably well-known tracks like “I Saw” and “Curve of the Earth.” But until this record, Nathanson tended to be known as an artist who put on a fantastic live show, but could never quite translate the energy and fun of his concerts into compelling studio records. To be fair, it’s tough to convey what Nathanson does live on an album. Practically a court jester in a live setting, Nathanson cracks jokes during song breaks and develops a quirky, informal banter with every crowd he meets. It’s a rare talent—one captured perfectly on his 2006 live album At the Point—but one that really doesn’t do you much good in the studio. To truly make an album worthy of his potential, Nathanson had to do two things: 1) find the right sound and 2) write songs that would crawl inside people’s brains and live there. Some Mad Hope managed to be the record where both of those things happened, but it didn’t come easy. In the years since, Nathanson has gone on record about being in a dark place when he was writing the songs that would make up his sixth album. When I spoke to him in 2015, in the lead-up to that year’s Show Me Your Fangs, he told me that, while he loves Some Mad Hope, it’s also a snapshot of a heavy time in his life. The centerpiece track, an aching almost-power-ballad called “Wedding Dress,” is a song about “coming dangerously close to divorce and the wreck of a marriage.” Nathanson has called it the song in his catalog where he was being the most honest. The honesty may have almost broken Nathanson, but it did the opposite for his career. What makes Some Mad Hope one of the best pop singer/songwriter records of the 2000s is the tension in the lyrics. Up to this point, Nathanson had always been able to write catchy songs, but these were on another level. There was so much ache and hurt in the lyrics, songs caught between reflecting on better times and dwelling on the possibility of ending a marriage. The cold hard truth in the songs, combined with tight production work from Mark Weinberg and Marshall Altman (known nowadays as an accomplished country music producer) made for a record that could stand on its own, without live performances and comedic banter to prop it up. For good reason, Matt’s decision to be unflinchingly honest gave him the first hit song of his career. “Come on Get Higher” went to 59 on the Billboard Hot 100 and became a top 20 hit on Mainstream Top 40 radio. Breezy and intimate, “Higher” tends to get written off as a “Your Body Is a Wonderland” clone by people who never gave Nathanson a real shot. But the balance of the track—between the lovelorn, carnal bliss of the choruses and the sobering, regretful loneliness of the verses—makes it something more than meets the eye. “I miss the sound of your voice/Loudest thing in my head/And I ache to remember/All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said” goes the second verse. Find me a pop song on the radio today with a better turn of phrase about lost love. It was that chaotic clash—of perfect happiness and bitter heartbreak—that I latched onto when I first heard Some Mad Hope. On the surface, these are love songs. That’s why someone could hear a lyric like “In your wedding dress, to have and to hold/And even at my best, I want to let go” and think the song built around it was expressing undying devotion instead of massive, restless doubt. But most of Some Mad Hope isn’t about love in the now; it’s about love in the past. “I remember hearts that beat/I remember you and me/Tangled in hotel sheets,” go the opening lines of “Still,” a song about remembering the tender moments you spent with someone who is long gone. And in the dirge-like “Bulletproof Weeks,” it’s “What happened to bulletproof weeks in your arms?/What happened to feeling cheap radio songs?/What happened to thinking that the world was flat?/What happened to that?” Some Mad Hope is a spectacularly human record. It’s about only recognizing the beauty of what you have when it’s gone. It’s about getting what you want and then being so unsure of yourself that you tear it down. It’s about running away because you’re scared to stand and fight. It’s about restlessness and stupid mistakes and regrets you’ll carry for the rest of your life. And in the end, it’s about dodging the bullet, recommitting, and doing the work to save something rather than let it become a faded photograph. It’s about doing what you need to do so that you don’t end up like the guy in “Bulletproof Weeks,” asking “What happened?” when you look back at the people and things that used to mean the world to you. All those messages caught me at the perfect time. When I bought this record on a class trip around October of 2007, I was a month from 17, newly licensed to operate an automobile, and in the midst of the most restless patch of growing up. I had a lot of things going for me: I had a great group of friends and a supportive family; I was the lead in the school musical; I was doing well in my classes. But I was yearning for something more, something amorphous that I couldn’t describe or name, and certainly not something I could reach out and grab. I felt like I was on the cusp of something, but I didn’t know what it was. And at the same time, new pressures and worries were looming: feelings I had for a girl who wasn’t available; the impending cloud of college applications; my dwindling bank account, thanks to the fact that I’d started driving just as gas prices began to skyrocket; a borderline emotionally abusive director that made the aforementioned musical more of a nightmare than a dream come true. A year previous, responsibility had seemed little more than a far-off blip on the radar. Suddenly, it was here, and I wasn’t sure I could handle it. Looking back now, those worries seem so slight and insignificant—especially compared to what Nathanson was actually singing about on this album. But therein lies the beauty of great songs: they find you and hold up mirrors to your life, completely separate from the artist’s intentions. I wasn’t going through a divorce (obviously) and I wasn’t even in a relationship, but the doubt, anxiety, and deep dissatisfaction running through the songs here resonated with me. So did the yearning sense of escape captured by anthems like “Car Crash,” “Heartbreak World,” and “Gone.” I may have been feeling empty, but I was also feeling the added freedom that growing up affords. I appreciated the humanity in those songs, tales of running away and starting over that sounded so unbridled and exciting—even if the dark side of leaving everything behind was always lurking just or song or two away. “I want to feel the car crash, ‘cause I’m dying on the inside”; “Let’s move out of Los Angeles/And drive until this summer gives/Forget the lives we used to live”; “Gone, let it wash away the best I had/Gone, and when I disappear, don’t expect me back.” These songs seemed to ask, “Can you drive fast enough to outrun your troubles?” As a teenage boy with his first car, I wanted to find out. Of course, the implicit answer the album gives is “No.” The crashing “Detroit Waves” is a song specifically about what repeated departures and goodbyes do to a relationship. “And when you’re warm enough to share your sheets/And cold enough to make it seem like I was only there/Long enough to disappear,” Nathanson sings bitterly at the top of the second verse. The point is clear: you can’t run away without leaving something behind. In “Falling Apart,” the narrator can’t decide whether he’d rather stay and be the man his partner deserves or “break loose and run.” But “Sooner Surrender,” the album’s penultimate track, was always my favorite. The aching regret of that song is so real and so pronounced, to the point where you can almost taste the bile on the back of your tongue as the lyrics describe a late-night bar where everyone is having fun but you. You, alone with a drink and your own self-imposed loneliness. “I miss when you were everything,” the track concludes. What a gut-punch. Eventually, Nathanson and his wife figured out a way to fix things and stay together. Me? I got over my restlessness and learned to be comfortable in my own skin. But I’ll never forget how Some Mad Hope made me feel a little less alone that fall, when I was growing up and felt like I wasn’t ready for any of it yet. There was comfort and commiseration in the sad songs and possibility in the call of the road, but the song that hit the hardest might have been the last one, where the excuses stopped and the lesson came full circle. “I kept falling over/I kept looking backward/I went broke believing/That the simple should be hard,” Nathanson sings in the first verse. Later, it’s “Well it’s hard to change the way you lose/If you think you’ve never won.” Those lines were my reality check after an ocean of self-centered brooding. I was overthinking my own life, and I was missing things in the process: friendships; romance; youth as it’s supposed to be. If I could go back, I would change a lot of things about that year, but I would never trade the soundtrack. --- Please consider supporting us so we can keep bringing you stories like this one. ◎ https://chorus.fm/review/matt-nathanson-some-mad-hope/

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future-imperfect · 7 years

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The year I last minute decided to go to Pinkpop

Pinkpop 2017

Going to Pinkpop for the 5th time in a row I consider myself quite a veteran. After seeing the biggest bands in Rock music like Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Rolling Stones, Metallica, Green Day, Muse, Rammstein. This year year certainly felt....well.... different. In order to appeal to a broader audience and to make Pinkpop more of a pop festival, no one less than Justin Bieber topped the bill of the first day. year long regulars of the festival (like myself) were outraged. The biggest rock festival of the Netherlands managed to taint the good name they built up over nearly 50 years as one of the major festivals of Europe. And it was not like the festival had very much more to offer. The other headliners were Green Day and Kings of Leon. Two bands who also topped the bill in 2013. (The first year I went) Because the festival had not much more to offer I planned on skipping my first Pinkpop in 5 years. However. after noticing that ticket sales were in decline for this edition. And all the black market ticket hoarders were struggling to get rid of their tickets, me and my girlfriend were able to get tickets for only €140,- (normal tickets: €195,-) Saving 55 euros suddenly made Pinkpop festival a lot more attractive, because after all we were able to see the mighty Green Day again. (the reason I bought my ticket in 2013) and a few other bands that were on my live list for a very long time like System of a Down, Prophets of Rage (RATM), Sum 41, My Baby, Kaiser Chiefs. And hey maybe we can get a laugh over how bad Bieber is. and we sure did.

Day 1 felt like a strange experience. from the get go we realized that the Pinkpop audience has changed. After waiting in line for an hour to get in due to sharpened security checks we found ourselves on a festival site filled with stage hugging Beliebers, sneaked in selfie sticks and a suprising lack of bandshirts. yet we still had a surprisingly fun day. The Pierce Brothers gave an energetic 2 man performance making Mumford and sons-esque folk music. Kaiser Chiefs were most definitely Drunk and it made their performance all the better. After that we saw a little of Five Finger Death Punch. They were a little flat, and the crowd didn’t really seem into it. I wouldn’t call myself much of a 5FDP fan but some heavy metal was just what we needed at that moment. Then after sheltering for the rain for 30 minutes the moment everyone at the festival were waiting for, whether they liked it or not. Justin Bieber on the Main Stage. The clouds cleared and the intro music for Justins performance started. paired with some hard to understand visuals of Justin Bieber falling and telling us how hard his life must be and how much struggles he has (Sure justin). Then of course he came up wearing a sweatsuit and my biggest fear came true. He started dancing and play-backing. Oh how low Pinkpop has sunk. we stuck around for a good 30 minutes, because yet, his songs were still recognizable and the visuals/fireworks were quite impressive. but when he started talking about how he had no Idea where he was and tried to persuade his fans to buy even more merch because he even wore it himself. the performance sunk to its lowest point and we decided it would be best to go back to the camping and get some rest to be fit for Green Day the next day. Day 2 started and Finally Pinkpop felt like Pinkpop again. we were at the gates before opening and waited to get in next to some exited Green Day fans. waiting to be the first ones at the front of the stage and stay there for the next 12 hours. (something I myself did 4 years ago) We decided to chill on the field and get some more rest. Then we went to see My Baby at the tent stage. A Dutch band that combines blues riffs with trance music. they played a very energetic and tight set. However they failed to find a connection with the audience who, I guess, didn’t realize is was dance music. We originally planned to see Biffy Clyro on the second stage but we decided to skip them and make our way to the main stage to get some decent places near the front when Green Day starts. At the mainstage we saw Broederliefde (dutch hip hop group) not really my kind of hip hop so couldn’t really get into it. but they did managed to get the crowd moving. after that we saw Imagine Dragons. A band that, to me, is nothing more than their lead singer. The lead singer gave a tight performance even though admitting he felt very sick that day. The band however felt awkward. I never really thought of imagine dragons of a real band because of the overproduced sound they have. And this performance seemed to proof that, because the bandmembers had no idea what they were doing. they played a set full of awkward silences between songs a cliché drum solo, a cliché guitar solo which featured even more cliché rock riffs like seven nation army. I was the only one in the audience who seemed to mind though because everyone around me (including my girlfriend) were having the time of their lives. then finally Green Day started performing their pre-show success ritual of getting everyone to sing along to Bohemian Rhapsody, the drunken rabbit hyping the crowd up while playing Blitzkrieg Bop, and the good the bad and the ugly theme to add some more suspense. Green Day sounded the exact same as they did 4 years ago, just with some more strong songs in their arsenal like Bang Bang and Revolution Radio. I went to the concert to relive my 15 year old self. in a time when Green Day was the best band I ever heard and I listened to them religiously. Looking at the people in front of me glued to the barrier, seeing Green Day for the first time, reminded me so much of myself 4 years ago. But instead of the stage hugging super fan, this year I was the older (maybe even a little annoying ) guy that started the mosh pits with the people around me. Introducing the people around me to punk crowds like the 20 years olds did to me 4 years ago.

Day 3 started and we were at the gates just as early as day 2. My girlfriend wanted to see Oh Wonder and we heard rumors that they would play a small acoustic set for the radio at the start of the day. And they sure did. At the same time the festival grounds opened Oh Wonder started playing so we had to hurry to get there and not miss the first song. Seeing Oh Wonder in a small setting was very relaxing. 4 hours later we would see their full set at the tent stage. which was also great. But it did feel like even the tent stage was too big for them. Their small songs really came out stronger with just guitar and piano. And Being able to sit while listening to them was also a pro. The rest of the day was filled with more “15 year old me” nostalgia. we went to see Sum 41, the Prophets of Rage and System of a down. all 3 in a row. All of them were incredibly tight and got the crowd moving. This is the Pinkpop I know, and This is the Pinkpop I want to see every year. Sum 41 played an energetic show filled with old school hits that everyone seemed to remember. Prophets of Rage did 5 songs of the first Rage Against the Machine album. One of my favorite albums of all time. Of course it wasn’t Zach De La Rocha on vocals but if everybody is rapping along to the hits who even cares? The same thing counted for System of a Down. Not the headliner, but certainly the crowd magnet of the festival. everyone came to see the mighty system of a down. And maybe hoping to hear some new material. We didn’t get any new material we did however get a great show. Looking back at recordings System of a Sown were not very tight and Serj Tankian is definitely not as energetic as he used to be. But when the crowd is a nonstop moshpit.... Who the hell even cares? After what felt like a headliner-worthy set we were treated to the Real headliner of the festival. Kings of Leon. And boy did they disappoint. I wasn’t interested in getting close to the stage because we were tired from the rock marathon at the second stage. Kings of Leon sounded perfect, but their music and performance lacked so much energy. I started to wonder why they were headliner and if Kings of Leon are still relevant in 2017. Of course the crowd went wild when they played Sex on Fire and Use Somebody but they did nothing with the momentum the show gained from those 2 fan favorites. worst of all was how the show ended. No encore, just “we were Kings of Leon, hope to see you next time, bye” And as soon after he said that the outro music started playing and they were gone. It was like they couldn’t wait to leave the stage as soon as possible. Kings of Leon played a great set. But if a band doesn’t want to act like a headliner, it’s a damn shame that they’re booked as one.

All in all after having some doubt about going i can say that this was one of the most relaxing festivals I’ve ever been to. No large groups of six people, just me and my girlfriend. Even though the feeling was a little lost on the first day, Pinkpop is still Pinkpop and to me it’s not even about the bands anymore. it’s just about having a good time. So I’ll probably be going again in 2018. Even if they put even more pop into Pinkpop

#Pinkpop #justin bieber #green day #system of a down #prophets of rage #rage against the machine #kings of leon #sum 41 #oh wonder

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baby-starlight-behindthescene · 7 years

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[FAN REPORT] NEWS NEVERLAND TOUR 06/10/17

OMG GUYS I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SO LUCKY I WON TICKETS FOR NEWS NEVERLAND TOUR! I still can't believe I have seen my top 3 JPop groups 🙈 I'm so blessed guys huhuhu I'm so happy with this tour because this album is the best album they've released, ever! In my opinion of course! But yes I'm so happy because of that! One of the most creative and amazing concerts I've ever been to! The effects and the story and the theme! EVERYTHING WAS PERFECT! Bit of a background (to those who don't care, y'all can just skip to the report lol), I've been a NEWS fan since 2008 and they've always been one of my top groups. I was shocked when they lost members and VERY devastated when they had their hiatus but I still remember when the timer for their long awaited comeback appeared omg I was freaking out and was so excited and now finally I saw them live!! Pre-concert: So I won two tickets for this concert so I took one of my best friends with me and it was so surreal like I didn't feel like I was going to see them live..... Until the tickets came. AND OMG! THE TICKETS ARE SO BEAUTIFUL! Okay fast forward to the concert day! Omg so we went in the dome at around 5pm and right when we came in Mr. Impossible was talking and people just started clapping. I didn't catch what he said though so I don't know what happened omg lol. Anyway, so my SEAT was at the second floor!!! I was close! So lucky considering it was the dome hahaha but like the sound system thing was in front of me so that was sad but it didn't bother me during the concert as much as I thought it would. The stage was awesome! There were stem like things in the main stage and the main screen had like the word NEVERLAND bouncing in the screen hahaha then the design of the stage were like clockwork things! Above the screen was the word NEVERLAND again XD HAHAHA LOVE THIS CONCEPT I SWEAR! In the little screens were sort of a deformed clock? Yeah and then in the center stage was a huge KEY!!!! It was in the middle rotating and the spotlight was on it! So beautiful! And finally all over the dome there were huge bubble like things with letters that form NEVERLAND! At around 5:20 I went to the toilet but THE LINE WAS SO DAMN LONG. In the end I didn't get to go cause I didn't want to be late for the concert. When I came back in the dome, my timing was so bad cause Mr. Impossible was talking again but it was the last bit again so hahahaaha cry I didn't see it again. But after a few minutes it showed again thank god! So Mr. Impossible was just giving a few reminders and then he introduced the 7 elements, when it came to the 6th element, Dance, we were taught a dance hahah it was fun! Then finally introduced Love and that was that! Then 5mins before the concert, the bubbles were moving!! And then it started FINALLY! *NOT 100% everything and NOT 100% sure because sometimes I couldn't concentrate cause I really had to pee the whole time lol *If I don't say much on a song, it means they just sang it normally (amazingly) and nothing else really happened* Starting video: Okay so it was the same video as the one that was in the DVD of the album! Hahaha watching it again though was fine! To those who haven't watched it yet, it was just showing NEWS make the key to NEVERLAND and then giving the key to a young girl. So after the video the Jrs came out carrying a train? Or like pieces that when put together forms a train Hhaha yeah and they went to the center stage and the elevating stage in the middle went up! When this was happening, Mr. Impossible was welcoming us to NEVERLAND! And then the stage went down again and the first song played OMG I told my friend that NEVERLAND would be the perfect opening song for this tour, not just because it's titled NEVERLAND, but because the sound of it and the lyrics! It's just so... opening song worthy lol! SO I WAS REALLY HOPING THAT THAT WAS THIER OPENING SONG! And I was so happy that it was!!!! IT WAS THE PERFECT OPENING SONG! AND OMG THE DANCE TO THIS WAS SO COOL! Like they were kind of slowmotion dancing? Don't know how to explain it but it was awesome! (they were doing this during the chanting(?) of the 7 elements) And they were waving a flag too! Too cool for words omg 😭 they were harmonizing quite well too!! NEXT SONG WAS アンドゥトロワ!!! OMG when they sang this I was so happy! One of the best songs of the album in my opinion! And the dance was awesome too! 😭😭 We were shouting the Hey parts and it was super fun! But omg they didn't sing the whole song which was so sad So after, Mr. Impossible was talking again and he was introducing the NEWS members and saying that they each guard a gate (North, East, West, South) and then they came out in the main stage and sang Emma! They had the Emma PV costumes and the mics and they sang the whole song! It was fun!! Next song was Kaguya! THERE WAS A KOYASHIGE MOMENT GUYS!!! THE TWO OF THEM ARE MY BIASES SO I'M SUCH A KOYASHIGE TRASH! WHILE THEY WERE WALKING TO THE CENTER STAGE THEY WERE SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER WITH KOYAMA'S ARM AROUND SHIGE I CAN'T!!!! But like huhuhu Super sad they didn't dance this with umbrellas! In the end they went to the center stage but like they went to the elevating stand(?) and yeah they stayed there and sang it there! Next song was 恋祭り and OMG if I had known this would be part of the setlist I could've bought the towel 😭😭😭 I WAS JUST USING THE PENLIGHT IN THE END HUHUHU but it was still super fun ! And the screen was so cute!! Like fireworks and all! Really felt like a festival!! they came down from the elevating stands at the end and I think this was when a KoyaTego moment happened? (Or was it in Touch? Omg I'm not sure) SUPER CUTE I CAN'T Next song was DTF AND OMG!! Like my reaction was "OH! お久しぶり！" THEY WERE HAVING SO MUCH FUN!! HAHAHA there were so many interactions like omg I think it was when Massu was singing, the other 3 were suddenly hugging him so tight he wasn't able to sing anymore HAHAHAHAH they were having so much fun and it was so nice seeing them all be like that! Immediately after was 4+FAN!!! AAAAH SO HAPPY THIS WAS SUNG! ONE OF THE BEST CONCERT SONGS IN MY OPINION!! Cause it's so fan involved!! Like fans are singing the wowow's and they(we😏) are claping!!! I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO DO IT!! AND I SHOUTED もういっちょWITH ALL MY HEART!! They were saying their welcomes to us in the end stage before singing the final chorus and OMG I LOVED THIS STAGE BECAUSE IT WASN'T JUST THEM HAVING FUN! THEY WERE HAVING FUN WITH US!!! During the last clapping part they were going to the main stage again and then another video was shown So this VTR has the girl again from the first video and she went to the North gate first guarded by the Ray element! Then Shige came out! He was at the center stage! And he just fell flat on the floor! Then あやめ played! Okay, so Shige's always been trying to steal my heart from Koyama. And in this stage...he definitely did just that! It was the most emotional, beautiful, powerful, and just the most lasting-impression-stage I have ever seen! Like omg he was singing while interpretive dancing and I SWEAR I COULD FEEL ALL THE EMOTIONS WHILE SEEING HIM THERE! His voice was so PERFECT AND WHEN HE RAPPED, THAT MOMENT HE BECAME MY ICHI! THERE WERE SO MUCH FEELINGS I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN IT ANYMORE! So while he was dancing and rapping, suddenly the elevating stand was moving! I thought omg the staff made a mistake! Why did they ruin Shige's solo 😭 but guys, I was dead wrong!!!! After rapping, SHIGE WENT UP THE ELEVATING STAND!!! Like the elevating stand was slanted like this -> / lol so like he stopped midway and was just at the slanted part and OMG HE WAS SINGING THERE AND I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN THIS STAGE SO MUCH! SO MUCH PASSION AND EMOTION AND LOVE AND TO THINK SHIGE WROTE AND COMPOSED THIS?! It was definitely all him ☺️😭💕 I can't wait to watch the DVD, this is the stage I'm looking forward to the most! So after Shige's solo, the Jrs were left and they just continued to dance with an awesome background music if I might add 💕 and after they danced, Brightest came on!!! NEWS was back at the main stage! At the start, when Koyama was singing, there was no spotlight on him :(( so I only saw his figure :( while the other members had spotlights huhu kinda unfair 😭 but yeah still one of the best stages of the con! Like it lives up to its name! Like the stage was filled with awesome light effects like different colored laser lights and it matched with the song so much 😭 AND OMG DIFFERENT COLORED FIRE CAME OUT AND IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL! Like green fire and blue fire! It was awesome 😭 anyway, back to NEWS! OMG I WASN'T OVER SHIGE'S SOLO AND HE COMES OUT WEARING A HOODIE WEARING THE HOOD AND OMG I COULDN'T SEE HIS EYES AND I JUST THOUGHT THAT HE WAS SO FREAKIN' MYSTERIOUS AND SO SEXY 😭😭😭 I CAN'T WITH THIS GUY SOMEONE HELP (No I don't need help, no one save me please hahaha) 😂💕💕 and then Tego omg hahaha being the flirt he is, he said "Now dance" right before the kind of like solo edm sound thing in the song HAHAHA and omg it was just an awesome stage! Next one was シリウス! And omg love this song 😭😭😭😭 had so much fun singing the wo o o ow parts of the song! I think this was the time they got into the little carts. And OMG KOYAMA AND TEGO WERE THE ONES NEAR MY SIDE!!! I SAW THEM CLOSE!!! I couldn't see Koyama that well but Tego omg guys TEGO IS SO HANDSOME!! Next song was Snow Dance and omg!! I wasn't expecting a B-SIDE SONG! And Snow Dance especially is such a great b-side!!! But I was slightly disappointed cause Tego's tone in his part in the chorus was lower than the original audio? Like I know it's hard and I understand that but it sounded better high 😭 and huhu Massu's voice cracked here 😔 I hope he doesn't feel bad about it 😭 BUT IT WAS STILL AWESOME ANYWAY! That's how good NEWS is 😉 Next again, I was so shocked cause it's another b-side! スノードロップ!! It was beautiful 😭😭😭 B-sides of Emma are awesome!!! And OMG THE HUGE SCREEN IN THIS SONG WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!! Like it showed a street with like lamp posts and snow falling! It was so beautiful! And their singing was perfect! And at the end they transferred to the main stage again. Next one was Touch!! OMG I WAS SUPER EXCITED FOR THIS CAUSE I LOVE THE CHOREO FOR THIS AND THEY DID IT WITH THE JRS AAAAAAH SUPER CUTE!! Another video now and now the girl is going to the East gate guarded by the Water element! THEN ニャン太 WAS UP! AND THE FIRST THING WE SAW WAS A PICTURE OF KOYAMA AND NYANTA 😭😭😭😭💔OMG I was feeling so so so emotional in this stage. And I felt Koyama struggle with this song too, I really felt his love for Nyanta 😔 like his voice was hesitant and I just really wanted to give him a hug and just like that he was again my ichi, cause I really love this man 😔 I was so emotional and almost cried after the 1st chorus but then suddenly, they skipped the 2nd verse and chorus and just went straight to the last chorus! I was a little pissed cause why was it cut short?! So yeah I didn't cry but I was also fine with it cause I didn't wanna see Koyama suffer anymore Next one is 恋を知らない君へ! They were scattered on the runway between the center and main stage! I was so overflowing with emotion omg in this stage I was able to confirm that all their voices are perfection! Like OMG SHIGE IMPROVED SO MUCH AND I JUST LOVE LOVE LOVE HIS VOICE OMG! But like when Koyama's part came up, his voice was shaking and I really thought he was gonna cry 😭 but omg so happy they sang the whole song for this! Then like sometime in the song they all went to the end stage and the stage elevated! Next was フルスイング and omg this song! When they sang this I suddenly remembered their performance of this in Utsukon and I couldn't help but be so affected with this song 😭 Then when it was Koyama's part, he finally let out all the feelings he's been keeping inside, so he cried and omg I wasn't able to handle it like I was about to cry too cause I couldn't handle seeing Koyama so hurt but before I could cry, the song ended and some funky song came up and I was laughing like omg?? After such an emotional song comes a high energy sound? HAHAA like the timing was kinda bad but I guess they wanted us to enjoy the concert So after the funky sound(they already walked back to the center stage), 恋のABO was up!! And OMG HAHAHAH They were having so much fun I love it!!! AND I SAW KOYAMA WAS FINE NOW! So I forgave the abrupt change of mood hahaha omg I was finally able to shout it guys! I absolutely loved shouting Hey A Hey B Hey O and AB!!!!! SOOOO AWESOME! And yeah they were having fun! And omg MASSU!!! He slapped his hip in his first part in the song! 😂💕💕 so cute hahaa (yes Massu, I do not find you sexy. You are cute!) Haha and then Tego let us sing the bridge part of this song and OMG I SANG IT WITH ALL MY HEART! This is absolutely a special song for me cause this song is when Koyana became my bias HAHAHAHAH Next song was サマラバ ! IT'S SUCH A LOVELY SONG!!! And like I was shocked again cause like another b-side song!! Continue this please Johnny's! I need to hear b-side songs live more!!! I think they also rode the little carts again? I'm not sure though but I think I remember seeing them riding them.... And of course Tego said something Tego-like again HAHAHA I think the lyric was "Angel" if I'm not mistaken but yeah his voice went all high and like for fun HAHAHA cutie omg Next song was NYARO!!! YAAAAY!!! Omg guys they did the heart pose that they do during NYARO!!!!! Super happy they still do it twice! 😘 Loved shouting Nyaro, More, and Summer!!! AAAH AWESOME CONCERT SONG! They were in the center stage now again if I remember correctly! And again Tego did something 😂 he did this super weird laugh huihuihui(?)/hihihi(?)/hehehe(?) After his part in the bridge and it was SUPER FUNNY HAHAHAHAHA and of course they were all having fun!!! Then immediately they sang ORIHIME!! Super nice! It's one of their best songs omg! But again it was cut and I was so disappointed with that 😭 I wanted to hear the whole song!!! After ORIHIME, Mr. Impossible was talking again and yeah I really wasn't listening to what he was saying cause I felt the need to pee again so yeah I was not listening at all HAHAHA BUT Koyama suddenly spoke and it was the MC!! So MC! (Not 100% accurate cause they were all talking at the same time and my knowledge of Japanese please hahaha) Koyama was just asking if we missed them and like he asked if we missed Shige, then asked if we missed Massu, then asked if we missed Tego(he called him Tego-chan kyaaaa), and finally he asked if we missed Kei-chan HAHAHA CUTIE and then he was like Thank you 💕💕💕 then yeah while they were walking towards the main stage, they were kinda bullying Shige hahaha cause like omg Shige is super cute!!!! AAAAH like he's referring to himself as Shige(from a third person's point of view HAHAH) Like instead of Boku or Ore, he was using Shige HAHAHA CUTIE OMG And like I think they were bullying him cause when we said we missed NEWS, Shige was saying "They missed me" hahahahhaha like not including the other 3 members HHHAHAHAHA then like after that, it was Massu who was bullied now HHHA like Koyama was saying how it was hot today and all and then Shige just kind of like puts his jacket on Massu HAHAHA then Koyama followed and put his jacket on Massu too! Super funny hhaha like they were also saying how Massu designed the costume (aka the jackets they were putting on him) and he kind of posed for us HAHAHAH and I think they were saying he looked liked someone in the choir? Cause Massu just like started singing choir style XD Then, Shige was being bullied again 😂😂 (he was still referring to himself as Shige hahaha he did this until the end of the con but omg Tego used "atashi" 😂 love him huhuh) but yeah I really couldn't understand what they were bullying Shige about?? And like they were also bullying Koyama I think XD HHAHAH I didn't know what about honestly but like omg Tego started singing choir style again and Massu followed HAHAHA I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE HECK WAS GOING ON HAHAHAHA then Massu said that their MC is "no plan" HAHAHA LOVED IT! Then ummm I think back to bullying Shige? 😂 then umm they mentioned Massu designing HSJ's costume in their DEAR concert and asked if he was gonna design something else and omg I forgot who mentioned it but he said Massu should design every (Koyama's a news reporter there) and IT'S super funny Koyama's reaction!! Hahaha then I think they suggested a radio show too???? Like Massu design the costume for that HAHAHAHAHAH SUPER FUNNY!! Then omg guess what ahhahaha back to bullying Shige HAHHAA this time about his book! HE HAS A NEW BOOK GUYS! I think it's a sequel to Burn???? But yes super cute! It's his 5th book guys!!! And Shige did (was forced to do actually) like a ummmm he shouted "BURN" and did a like open arn action thing? HAHAHA FUNNY and like Tego asked if he could ask what the climax was and Shige called him バカ! 😂😂😂😂 and like I think the members were asking him about it more and Shige kept on repeating "BUY IT!" SUPER FUNNY HUHUHU then they talked about Koyama being one of the 24hrTV personalities! And Koyama was sharing how he couldn't believe it at first, cutie huhu and then Tego asked about the 24hrTV shirt design and ask if it was Massu who did it and Koyama said no and Tego pointed to himself and Koyama immediately said no too XD then omg Tego said "confirm it!" Then Koyama did "I don't need to confirm it!" HAHAHAHAH FUNNY then they talked about Koyama's work with Maru in おたすけJAPAN! And they talked about their VS Arashi guesting (I think) hehehe (I watched it hehehe) then I think this was the part they said Tego had something too? But I didn't understand what it was 😭 but they asked Massu what he had after the con and he had nothing omg HAHAHA coming to the last part of the MC, they asked the 4th floor people if they can see NEWS and omg Shige was super funny cause when he was talking, the train smoke thing accidentally made a sound and they were all laughing cause it was Shige time hahahah and then they said he should try again cause they won't actually push it accidentally again so Shige talked again and it sounded again! 😂😂😂 I love the staff omg and it continued on and Mr. Impossible was talking AND SHIGE KEPT ON TALKING HOPING THE STAFF WOULD ALREADY CLOSE IT BUT NO HAHAHA THEN SHIGE WAS LIKE "OHMAYGAD. シゲ信じられない" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I LOVED THIS PART WILL NEVER FORGET THIS 😂😂 and like someone (I think Koyama?) said okay let's just go back, the train sounded already, just go back hahaha then while everyone went backstage already, he stayed behind. HAHAH he was carrying a huge basket and was struggling with it and when he finally had the perfect hold, he just stood there smiling at us 😍😍😍😍😍 then he said "every" (Promoting the show lol) HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAI LOVE THIS GUY hahaha then he just like asked us to stand and get ready for the next song What I loved about the MC was that I could totally see their friendship and their personalities! For example, I love Tego's and Koyama's laugh! HAHAHAHA LIKE STOP GUYS YOU ARE ALL TOO CUTE Next was another VTR and another gate. By this time I figured out that the VTR represents a member's solo 😅 yeah I just figured it out then HAHAHA Now it was the West gate guarded by the Sound element! Btw, the girl was still there hahah she was in all VTR's I think Then Massu came out on the main stage with a mic stand and sang FOREVER MINE! Omg MASSU'S VOICE WAS(IS) BEAUTIFUL! The screen was cool, it was in black and white but omg Massu's voice! My eyes were closed almost the whole time! (When my eyes close, it means the music is so perfect I have to give all my attention to it, meaning I have to black out all other senses that may cause distraction) I LOVED IT 😭💕 MASSU I LOVE YOU Next omg Silent Love!!! This song is what I live for 😱😱😱😱😱 the other members appeared at the center stage! Shige's voice at the start of the song wae perfect and OMG MASSU'S RAP 😭💕 CAN HE NOT, HE WAS SOOOOOOOOO GOOD LIKE MASSU RAP MORE PLEASE! And like the song was longer! With lots of adlibs from Tego and rap bits from Massu! Next was ミステリア!!!! From the start, Tego's voice when he sang the first ミステリア 😱😱😱😱😭😭💕💕💕💕💕 I think they were back at the main stage now and omg they also cut this song! I was like thinking how many songs have they cut now ugh Next was Byakuya!!! AAAAH THIS SONG!! It was so fitting with the concept!! As in Loved it!!! They went to the center stage now and omg fireworks and colored fire everywhere (from the center stage) and like I think this is the part where one fire didn't go out? It was super scary and NEWS was so professional about it! ☺️ but yeah like I think this is that part? Thankfully when the next song came out, it was already put out! Next song was さくらガール!!! OMG THE STAGE FOR THIS GUYS THE STAGE FOR THIS WAS BEAUTIFUL!!! LIKE OMG IT WAS THE PERFECT SHADE OF PINK AND LIKE SAKURA LIGHTS ON THE ROOF AND AAAH SOOOO PERFECT! The big screen had like an animated video of a girl walking along a path surrounded by Sakura trees! It was pretty huhuhuhu so yeah they sang it PERFECTLY (Massu though 💛💛) and like paper Sakura petals were falling and my friend managed to get one for me!! Another VTR and I knew it was time for Tego's sinful solo HAHAHA and super sinful it was omg I'm coming started with Tego in the center stage, on a bed. Omg Tego why HAHAHAH then he got up and sang with a mic stand and omg the whole stage was just so wow 😱😍🙈 HAHAHAH there was even a point where he went back on the bed and like pretended there was a girl there with him HAHAHA and yeah Tego why ahhaha I'm too innocent for this HAHAHA BUT HIS VOICE WAS AWESOME! Tego can work songs from ballad to rock 💕💕 Immediately after was BLACK FIRE and the other members appeared at the main stage and Tego was so cute, he was too fast in the first part 💕💕 but OMG NEWS NEEDS TO SING MORE ROCK SONGS LIKE HOLY SH*T EVERYONE'S VOICE SUITED IT SO MUCH AND FOR ONE SONG AT LEAST, I WAS AT A ROCK CONCERT! And Massu was wearing sunglasses ermergerd 💕💕💕 And omg バンビーナ was next and AAAAH お��しぶり！！It was still as sexy(?) as ever HAHAAH And they were walking to the sides of the main stage 😭 lucky second floor people on those sides huhu Next was ANTHEM!!!! AAAAH I LOVED THIS IN QUARTETTO!!!!!! AND IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT NOW! LOVED IT!!! Singing the wo o o o ow parts were such a "finally-feeling" for me! Then like the huge carts appeared now for the next song and it was designed as a huge train! Super cute! Like it even had smoke and all >< and following the train cart was the Jrs waving flags and the bubbles from the start of the con came back! So next song was チャンカパーナ! And I was sad that they didn't do the dance here 😭 like with the mic stands and the cheek touching HUHUHU but yeah they were riding the carts and they were throwing stuff to the crowd! OMG I HOPED THEY WOULD THROW WHEN THEY CAME TO US but yeah they stayed at the other side until the song came to an end Next was チュムチュム and I didn't really like this song before but OMG HEARING IT LIVE MADE ME CHANGE MY FEELINGS FOR THIS SONG KOYAMA'S AND SHIGE'S VOICES WERE JUST PERFECT HERE AND THE SONG SUITS THEIR TONE SO MUCH! And they also stopped in front of us now but they didn't throw anything so that was super sad 😭 but yeah they were close and omg all of them really look like PERFECT HUMAN BEINGS I CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW PERFECT EVERYONE WAS (IS)! AND OMG WHEN KOYAMA WAS IN FRONT OF ME, I DID A KIND OF LIKE A HAIR FLIP? IT WAS BEAUTIFUL Next song was 渚のお姉サマー and AAAH! SUCH A REFRESHING SOOOONG! With all the summer songs I was hoping for Summer Time maybe? Hahahah but yeah no 😭💔 haha anyway, they went further to the side and they were throwing stuff again 😭 only our side didn't get huhuhu but yeah this song was so cute and refreshing!! Next song was weeek!!! AAH SO MUCH APPRECIATION TO THIS SONG CAUSE LOL this song taught me the days of the week HAHAHAH And yes this is definitely a fan favorite! Everyone went wild!!! They got off the carts now! But they didn't say the 行きます！part at the start 😭 but it's fine 😭 and yeah so much fan service here hahahaha and yeah EVERYONE was having a blast!!! NEXT ONE IS ポコポンペコーリャ AND ERMERGERD I WAS WAITING FOR THIS!!! My friend spoiled me and told me one song from the setlist (she saw what the setlist was from the other dates) and like the dance was so cute in the previous tour so I was so really very looking forward to this 😱💕💕💕 AND AAAAAH IT REALLY WAS SO CUTE!!!!!!! They were on the elevated stage at the center. And omggggggg!!! When the song was about to end, they all fell down and were sleeping and Mr. Impossible was saying how we should dance the dance he taught before the concert started to wake them up HAHAHAH True enough they all woke up starting with Koyama hahaha then ermergerd Shige wouldn't wake up but when he did, he was so motivated to do the dance HAHAHAHHA everyone was supposed to be dancing but like Shige was the only one actually dancing it 😂😂 Massu was just repeating the peace sign move and Tego was just walking like the toy robot style 😂😂 like that's the only way to explain it HAHAH and then Koyama was just monitoring then I guess 😂😂 then we danced it all one last time 💕 it was fun!! And then Tego was like "NICE ONEEE! PAH PAH PAAAAAH" (like the sound from uuuuh omg I can't explain it 😱) then yeah, I think this is the part where Koyama asked us to raise our penlights and since it was a controlled penlight, when Koyana did the countdown, everyone's penlight turned on and it was such a beautiful sight 😍☺️💛 Then they went back and finished ポコポンペコーリャ 💜💚💗💛 then they introduced the Jrs! And Mr. Impossible was thanking us for dancing! I think... Or am I hallucinating him now hahaa So before the next song, Koyama was saying how grateful they all were that we were there! And the train sounds came and the train(?) the Jrs were carrying during the first song came back, like indicating that they are gonna leave soon So! 流れ星was next and this song just hits the feels right in the heart 😭😭😭😭😭😭 IF THIS WAS CUT I WOULD GET REALLY MAD! But fortunately they didn't so everyone was happy!!!!! Everyone's voice was again so perfect and just... I'm so speechless 😭 NEWS IS PERFECT! But they were all saying goodbye at this point and I still didn't want it to end 😭 when they left the stage, Mr. Impossible was back and he was saying thank you and how NEVERLAND will continue on to a new place. And how NEWS will continue on and love us as we love them and he was also saying how NEWS will always be beside us so we will never be alone ☺️💕 So NEWS appeared at the main stage and sang U R not alone! By then I was sooo emotional already and singing the wo o ow parts at the start was so hard for me already. And OMG MASSU WAS CRYING 😭 like at the first chorus he was crying so Shige was the only one singing (they were supposed to be harmonizing here with Massu as the main vocal and Shige as the alto) and omg Shige was just looking at Massu kind of like saying "you can do this!" (I was happy though that I heard Shige's harmonizing voice 😍😍😍) so yeah Massu couldn't sing so Tego helped and sing that part! This song was so emotional I swear 😭 Massu was able to sing already though when it was his turn to be alto when Shige was singing! ☺️ And omg the CHORUS 😭 I WAS SINGING MY HEART OUT IN ALL OF THE CHORUSES 😭 their voices harmonizing is my life now 😭 and then everyone gave their passionate goodbye speeches and I really couldn't handle it anymore, I was so wrecked with how perfect NEWS is 😭 and they made us sing the wo o ow part for a long time and I just really sang my heart out! omg I WAS A WRECK! I WAS CRYING (no tears fell though lol but like the feeling was crying. It was so hard for me to breathe and I was shaking like I was crying and a was sniffing so much. I think it was because I still really needed to pee but yeah, I was crying) Then they made us sing the first chorus. Just us. No instrumentals. No nothing. Just our voices. Then the lights came on and they made us repeat this multiple times and I just sang my heart out and omg someone said みんな1人じゃない！And Tego continued the song from the bridge and at the last chorus, NEWS was shout singing it and I could feel their passion and how much they truly love us 😭😭 And that was that. Mr. Impossible lastly said that NEVERLAND will continue on tomorrow (for the last date of the entire tour). And after, we were shouting for an encore but NEWS didn't come out again 😔 But yeah, that's it! I loved it guys and I'm so happy I was able to show my love for Koyama! ☺️ He needs it with all the hate around 😔 Some parts I forgot when they did it: · They were at the center stage and it was elevated and then all the NEWS members were in a circle and dancing with Jrs EXCEPT for Tego! SUPER FUNNY CAUSE TEGO AND HIS JRS SQUAD WERE JUST THERE STANDING HAHAHAHA · there was a part where they were riding the small carts and it was Massu and Shige now at my side of the dome and OMG WHEN I SAW SHIGE CLOSE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HE IS SO HANDSOME 😭😭😭💕💕💕💕 LIKE SERIOUSLY 😭 and Massu omg MASSU IS SO CUTE!!! Like I wanna hug him and give him a pet (lol) · I forgot what song this was but like the bubble things were up again and from them, stars where falling! I don't know what those stars are made of cause I wasn't able to get one 😭😭 · not sure what song this came out but I GOT CONFETTI!!!! Yay! Hahaha yeah For some general reports: · I WAS SHAKING THE WHOLE TIME GUYS AND SUPER EMOTIONAL OMG · LOVED THE WHOLE STORY OF NEVERLAND! EVERYTHING WAS CONNECTED AND LOVED HOW IT ALL STARTED FROM THE ALBUM! And like the old songs too, they fit the concept! · Like I said above, this album is their best album in my opinion! And I just love the whole concept of it and how nicely done it was! And I loved all the songs in it! (I'm becoming redundant lol) · THEIR VOICES WERE ALL LIVE AND OMG ALL WERE SO BEAUTIFUL · They sang a good number of old songs and new songs, I liked the balance! They sang a lot from the NEWS album and I think that's beautiful! (Can't believe I still knew all the songs tbh) (unless I forgot a song???? 😱) · I need more interaction! (When was I ever contented 😅) · I was so sad they didn't sing Happy Birthday 😭 I just celebrated my birthday last Wednesday and was super hoping they'd perform it but sadly they didn't 😭😭 And like I was sort of expecting it too! Since like they always performed it (except in White but still!) 😭 · I really feel like 4nin NEWS is the best now! After all they've been through, I think their bond is the strongest now! At least that's what I felt during the live! And among all the JE groups, I think NEWS is the most family like and like they goof around so much 😂 · A bit sad that there was NO encore 😭 SUPER DISAPPOINTED WITH THIS · for members: Tegoshi - AAAAAAHHHH TEGO WAS SOOOO FUN! Loved his voice and there performance he showed! Like I love how he's so professional when performing but so goofy and crazy when he's not 😂 and he is so handsome 😭, Massu - HE'S SO CUTE!!!!! Like there were times I really wanted to pinch his cheeks!! And I think he has the best voice in NEWS 😭 he made me close my eyes!, Shige - omg where do I even start with this guy 😱 he is such a perfection! Like that short time when he was my ichi, I was all his omg like he has improved so much and I STILL can't believe how perfect he is! Favorite stage is his solo(and U R Not Alone) because of the passion I felt omg, and now saving the best for last! Kei-chan! KOYAMA 😭😭😭 I've been waiting so much to see you and hear you and have fun with you 😭 that finally happened and seeing how much you went through in this concert alone, I can't help thinking how many times you went through that 😭 and to think some fans are even being mean to him 😔 Koyama, I will love you even if you have given up on everything and I hope you know how important you are to us! Seeing his smile close was one of the best things about this con! 😭💜💜💜💜💜 愛してます! Everyone says that he is such a pure, kind, and loving person and just as everyone says, it's all true! I say the kindest, purest, most loving person in the Dome and that was him! 😭💜☺️ So to conclude, my first NEWS concert was more than I could ever dream of! I loved that they were real and crazy and actually awesome to be honest lol I loved every second of it! NEWS, that one strong group that I've always believed in, I FINALLY SAW THEM LIVE AFTER 9 LONG YEARS! June 10, 2017. I LOOK FORWARD TO WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN!

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 7 years

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what are your feelings on the buffahuman book?

Short opinion: I can admit that there are some cool concepts in this book if I’m willing to overlook its three or four glaring plot holes.

Long opinion:

It seems like Cassie’s books tend to be either earth-shattering adventurefests that sweep the plot of the series forward in leaps and bounds (#4 and Ax, #19 and Aftran, #29 and the YPM, #34 and Aldrea, #50 and the Auximorphs) or they are extremely random asides that have no connection to the main plot and never come up again after they’re over (#14 and the andalite PortaPotty, #24’s Helmacron battle, #44 and the Random Australian Field Trip, #39′s buffahuman) and there’s pretty much no in-between. And yeah, this book is both totally random and objectively bad.

However, criticizing this book also kind of feels like swatting a fly: the poor fly already has enough problems what with being small and ugly and disease-ridden and only having 28 days to live, so smearing it on the ceiling is just mean. I’m happy to lovingly poo-poo on the Animorphs books that have a fair number of admirers among the fandalites but don’t personally appeal to me (#41, #30) and the ones whose issues have Deeply Unfortunate real-world implications (#40, #46) but kicking this one while it’s already down is like… like shooting a buffalo that never asked to get accidentally turned into a freak of nature and is just trying to go about its buffalo life without bothering anyone. Bearing that in mind, I’d like to start by mentioning a few things this book does right.

The Good

Once again, this book shows off Cassie’s strengths. She can run and keep running for a long time while also refusing to compromise her morals (no matter how idiotic the resultant decisions might be under pressure), she can work well alone, she can do nearly-impossible things with morphing, and when necessary she can fall from the sky in order to squash her problems flat on the ground. Cassie is awesome in this book, mostly by being Cassie.

This plot also starts with an emergency right in the first couple pages, and the tension does not let up until the very end. The plot-driving problem is a pretty simple one, but it does excuse the Animorphs’ needing to run and keep running for several hours. The entire story takes place in just a few hours, which gives this one a very tight feel with no room for unnecessary frills.

There are a couple of mind-blowingly simple tactics—throwing the morphing cube across the roadblock, shoving several controllers off a cliff, dropping an “anvil” on the helicopter—that the kids use to get around the yeerks, which I always have a soft spot for because it makes it feel realistic that six children could figure out how to defeat an empire. They might not be the Justice League (and portraying them as chessmasters of strategy would be silly and unrealistic), but they get by anyway through coming up with creative solutions to complex problems.

I love that their plan to drop whale-Cassie on the helicopter fails. I have a huge soft spot for plots in which the heroes’ grand master idea simply does not work (something that happens a lot in this series) just because, once again, it feels realistic. There are a ton of risks inherent in their plan: Cassie could miss the helicopter, Cassie could end up unable to catch the helicopter at all, Cassie could hit the helicopter but be wood-chipperified by its rotors, Cassie could hit the helicopter and survive but squash her friends on the landing… The fact that it doesn’t go according to plan just makes more sense under those circumstances.

Speaking of the ending, I freaking love this dialogue:

«You missed all the fireworks, Cassie,» Marco said, swimming circles around us. «One minute we’re watching this whale the size of a FedEx truck dropping out of the sky and we’re thinking, Uh-oh, she’s not big,enough to take down that helicopter and live through it—»

«You weren’t thinking it, you were screaming it,» Rachel said sweetly.

«Screeching like a bad set of brakes,» Jake teased.

«Emitting a loud and continual series of high- pitched shrieks similar to an unauthorized entry into a Dome ship air lock,» Ax added.

Silence.

«Well, it was an accurate comparison,» Ax said defensively.

It’s just so them. We need a moment of lightness after the tension of the rest of the book, and the characterization is spot-on, especially because we can feel the giddiness of their relief that the helicopter is destroyed and they’re not all gonna die.

If this book had found a different way to get there, the idea of having a nonhuman morpher explore the experience of humanity might actually be pretty interesting. Science fiction has been all about exploring the boundary conditions of what it means to be human pretty much since Day One, and this series embraces that concept in spades with characters like Elfangor, Tobias, Aftran, Menderash, Toby, and Ax. However, the buffahuman never does anything interesting or useful while it’s there on screen, and its very existence is rendered idiotic by the nature of its creation, so this book doesn’t exactly capture the same degree of uncomfortable meditation on human nature vs. human culture that, say, The Experiment does.

The Bad

The Andalite’s Gift called, and it wants its plot back.

Seriously, though, this exact same premise—the yeerks can detect morphing energy, and the only way the kids can keep from getting caught is through an elaborate game of keep-away—has already been explored, and better, in an earlier book.

It would also make a fair amount of sense for the yeerks to make a second attempt at using a veleek, or a second pass at destroying the local forest, or to reuse any of their plans from earlier books. Instead we get them arriving at a similar place through using Helmacron tech, which would fit better if there were any hints at all in #24 or #42 that the yeerks had access to Helmacron tech. Which there aren’t.

Not only does this book present approximately the same conflict as MM1, but it also offers the exact same resolution: drop whale-Cassie on one’s problems. Couldn’t the ghost come up with anything better than that?

«You had an aunt who tried to kill you with her pincers?» Rachel said, giving me a playful nudge. «Boy, and I thought Tobias’s family was bad.»

IS IT PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO CRINGE SO HARD THAT YOU COLLAPSE INTO A BLACK HOLE OF SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT FOR THE WRITER? Seriously, what even is this line? Why would Rachel even think that Cassie’s aunt would be hiding out in the woods in the first place? Would she SERIOUSLY make a comment like that about Tobias’s abusive relatives? Doesn’t Rachel already know Cassie’s family well enough to make the question “which aunt” (assuming charitably that Rachel actually wants to know) the more logical one? For that matter, wouldn’t “are you okay” be a better fricking question to ask your best friend who just survived a near-death experience?

Why does Cassie consider the buffalo “human” if it has morphed one?

Rachel makes a really straightforward argument—that the buffalo is no more a human than she is a grizzly bear—and that should basically be the end of the discussion. Jake makes the really straightforward argument on top of that that the buffalo could get them all killed/captured if the yeerks decide to infest it, and again that should be the end of the discussion. Cassie doesn’t balk at predators killing seals to stay alive (#25), and she understands that sometimes you have to let a deer die to save a human (#9), so it makes no sense whatsoever that she is that obsessed with saving a creature which has the means to kill them all.

Also, Cassie doesn’t consider her ant-copy “human” like 15 pages later when she stomps it to death, and she doesn’t consider herself a wolf-human hybrid, so WHY does she keep insisting that the buffalo is a person? It’s just idiotically unCassieish.

Also also: no offense Cassie, but this book ends with you killing at least two or three humans who are inside that helicopter. When you factor in the yeerks, that is four to six murders at minimum and possibly as many as fifteen to twenty depending on the size of the chopper. What makes buffaChapman more worthy of life than those people are?

Three words: deus ex seagull.

Tobias’s brief explanation about the sheer gross horror of birds sucked into jet engines is not sufficient setup to justify a seagull happening to meet an untimely end AT THE EXACT MILLISECOND it needed to do so in order to stop Cassie from getting food-processed, Marco and Tobias from getting eaten by sharks, and the others from getting squashed or shot to death.

I’m actually a fan of the Animorphs getting accidentally assisted by real animals, since it fits well with the theme of the books, but the animals’ existence has got to be justified somehow by the plot. In #27 the presence of the random-ass whale whose DNA lets them morph squids is justified by Crayak’s meddling, in #4 the random-ass whale who saves their butts from Visser Three is explained by their own desire to save it from sharks, in #36 the random-ass whales who try to help them out only to get shot by the Sea Blade are attracted by the calls of other pod members, my god I am only just realizing how many random-ass whales there are in this series… Anywhoo, the presence of the plot-saving seagull is not remotely explained by anything that happens at any point earlier in the book. Couldn’t the author(s) have left out one of the 70-odd scenes with the buffalo sadly wandering around and thrown in some kind of setup for this ending instead?

The Ugly

That’s not how the morphing cube works.

In #1, Jake picks up the morphing cube inside Elfangor’s ship and only mentions that it feels “heavy;” he doesn’t mention the “tingle” that other people also describe when acquiring the ability to morph until he’s touching it at the same time as Elfangor.

The rule about needing to have one morpher touch the cube in order to “pass on” the morphing appears to hold true throughout the rest of the series. David carries the cube around for a while but again doesn’t get the zap of morphing energy until he touches it at the same time as Ax (#20). Tom doesn’t appear to be able to morph until after the battle in the hospital garage, given that the yeerk makes no attempt to acquire or use any of the oodles of hork-bajir or taxxon DNA lying around even when injured; presumably the yeerks later passed the ability from Alloran to him (#50). The narration’s a little ambiguous as to whether Tobias is touching the cube at the same time as Loren when she gains the ability (#49), but Cassie or Rachel definitely has to be holding the cube for any of the Auximorphs to get it (#50).

Point being, Cassie is definitely not touching the cube at the time when the buffalo brushes against it, and probably not when the ant crawls on top of it.

That’s not how acquiring DNA works.

If all it took was brushing against someone to pick up their DNA, then all the Animorphs would be able to morph their parents, their friends, various taxxons and hork-bajir, family pets, stray cats, head lice, baby goats from the petting zoo, skin mites, the school nurse… etcetera. For that matter, Ax and Tobias would also be able to morph Alloran by now, which is the kind of incredibly useful morph that I’m pretty sure the series would have mentioned if one of them had.

The series mentions 700-odd times that acquiring DNA requires deliberate concentration on the part of the morpher. Why would any self-respecting buffalo in a dominance-fueled rage be thinking “man, I should really try and shapeshift into that human over there”?

That’s not how morphing works.

Morphing requires concentration. Jake first describes the process as “So I have to, like, meditate on becoming a dog” (#1), and any time the kids’ focus is interrupted, they’re unable to continue morphing. The most interesting example of that is when Marco can’t morph normally at all because he’s so freaked out over his dad remarrying (#35) but the series mentions time and again that anything from pain to sudden noises can interrupt the process enough to sabotage it. We’re supposed to believe that a buffalo was capable of directing sustained attention to an abstract task in order to morph, when no mammals other than humans have shown signs of this ability?

More importantly, morphing requires focusing on a mental image of oneself as the desired animal. When first explaining it to Jake, Tobias says the key is “forming this mental picture of [the animal], right? I thought about becoming it" (#1). When talking Marco down from nearly being stuck in morph, Cassie says “Focus on the picture of yourself. Form the picture in your mind. Let go of the fear and focus on the picture of your own body” (#21). WE’RE SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE THAT AN ANT CONSCIOUSLY CHOSE TO PICTURE ITSELF AS A CASSIE?

Morphing also doesn’t happen accidentally. The only times we ever see involuntary morphing are when Rachel has allergies (#12) and when Ax has brain-appendicitis (#29). So unless that one buffalo and that one ant both happened to be suffering from illnesses that led to hallucinations, this plot makes no sense.

That’s not how ants work.

The narration of the very scene in which the ant morphs Cassie describes all the ways that it would be pretty much impossible for an ant to imagine itself—and only one self—as a human being. If an ant cannot wrap its little hive-insect mind around the idea of an independent consciousness, then it also should not be able to wrap that mind around the idea of only changing the one body it happens to possess into something different like a human.

Luckily for that one ant, it’s apparently an estreen, since it chooses to demorph just its pincers while keeping an otherwise human body. Yes, ladies and gentlebeasts: THE ANT IS AN ESTREEN. Why. Just… why.

Don’t get me wrong; I think that there are justifiable reasons to stretch or even break the rules of one’s own applied phlebotinum, provided that the resultant plot is cool enough or character-advancing enough or mind-blowing enough to be worth it. This mess? Is not worth all the rule-breaking that goes on. It’s not the most Deeply Unfortunate Animorphs book, nor is it my personal least favorite, but it’s also not good enough to justify its existence built on a tower of plot holes and logic failures.

#the hidden #39 #mama nature #buffahuman #the one where everyone saw their vice principal's penis #and once again the day is saved by a FUCKING SEAGULL #animorphs reviews #long post #asks #answers #dysphere

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