i'll be home for christmas | part two
Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader
Summary: Having just caught your fiancé cheating on you, you decide to come back home from the big city to Austin for the month of December to try to figure out your next step. You had no idea you would be getting more than you bargained for with the handsome single dad who built your parents' house.
Chapter Warnings: no outbreak, modern day but Joel is 40, language, fluff, very soft!joel, flirting, kissing, hallmark movie tropes up the wazoo, mentions of infidelity, mentions of divorce, reader's sister is pregnant, hurt/comfort, explicit smut (18+MDNI), (somewhat) unproteced piv sex, angst (but you know there will be a happy ending, this is Hallmark, after all)
WC: 12K
A/N: I am so overwhelmed at the response I received for part one. No contest, it's my most successful story to date, and I can't thank you all enough ❤️ I really hope you enjoy this part just as much. Please read the warnings, this has some (very sweet and soft) smut at the end, so if it isn't your thing, feel free to skip it.
Series Masterlist
Joel sat in his truck, the engine long cooled down by now, as he stared blankly at his garage door, waiting for the stupid grin to leave his face before he went inside to face his brother. But he had been sitting there for almost twenty minutes, and he was still smiling behind the back of his hand.
That date with you was perfect. Well, he could have done without getting knocked on his ass by some kid, but it worked out for him in the end, so he didn't mind.
Goddamn, did you make him feel good. There was no way he would be able to sleep that night, he was sure of it. Not after the way you looked at him, touched him, kissed him. A big part of him wondered for a long time if he would spend the rest of his life alone, believing that lightning doesn't strike twice, that he would never find anyone who would look at him and want him the way you did.
He ignored the nagging voice in the back of his head that reminded him you didn't live there, that you would be going back to New York in a couple short weeks. He couldn't let that bring him down just yet, that was a problem for another day. Right now, his only problem was resisting the urge to drive back to your house and scoop you up in his arms so he could make you feel as good as he felt.
It was close to midnight, so he caved and went inside, hoping his brother would be too groggy to interrogate him. When he walked in and saw Tommy and Sarah lounging on the couch, wide awake and watching some action flick, his face fell.
"Hey, it is way past your bedtime, the hell are you doin'?" Joel scolded, sliding off his boots.
"Dad, c'mon, it's the weekend," Sarah whined.
"Don't care, you know the rules," he told her, trying to sound firm, but he had such a soft spot for her that he never succeeded in sounding threatening.
"But it's a special occasion, I wanted to hear how your date went," she grinned, sitting up and wiggling her eyebrows. Joel's jaw dropped and shot a glare at his brother while stretching his arms out at his side in disbelief.
"Oh, come on, she practically dragged it outta me," Tommy smirked.
"Unbelievable," Joel muttered, collapsing on the end of the couch and rubbing his eyes.
"So?" Sarah pushed, tucking her legs underneath her excitedly.
"I ain't talkin' about this with you," he said, biting his cheek as he stared at the TV.
"Why not?" she pouted, but Joel just shook his head.
"Go brush your teeth," he said.
"Fine," she replied, rolling her eyes as she made her way to the stairs. "But I'll get it out of you one day."
She stomped upstairs and it wasn't until Joel heard the water running that he turned to his brother.
"What the hell, Tommy? You know I didn't want her knowin' about that," he said, exasperated.
"Oh, relax," Tommy said, stretching his arms above his head. "She's sixteen, Joel. She's smart. She figured it out herself, I just confirmed it after gettin' the third degree."
Joel sighed and tipped his head back onto the sofa, closing his eyes.
"Christ," he muttered.
"What's the big deal?"
Joel sat up and opened his eyes.
"Big deal is, she lives in New York. There's no future there, we were just hangin' out, and I don't need Sarah gettin' her hopes up," Joel explained, trying to downplay his feelings, but his chest squeezed at the thought of you leaving one day.
"Ever hear of long distance?" Tommy asked, raising an eyebrow.
"That never works," Joel replied, shaking his head.
"Well, maybe you should make it work," he said, sitting up and muting the TV. "You know, Sarah just wants you to be happy, Joel. We both do," Tommy said somberly. "Told me tonight she's worried about you bein' all alone when she goes off to college."
"I'll be alright," he said gruffly, although the same thought was plaguing his mind recently, as well.
Tommy stared at his brother a moment as Joel watched the TV, pretending to follow the story even though there was no audio. He decided to drop it for now and changed the subject.
"So, you gonna tell me how it went or what?"
Joel bit his lower lip, trying to keep himself from smiling, but he failed. Tommy noticed right away and grinned, leaning forward to tap his knee.
"I know that look," he said, still grinning.
"Yeah, alright," Joel finally said with a smile. "It was great. Really fuckin' great."
"Hell yeah!" Tommy yelled, and Joel immediately shushed him, pointing upstairs.
"She's funny and she's sweet, we had a real nice time," Joel said, his grin permanently etched on his face now.
"I figured it went well since you got home so late," Tommy replied with a wink.
"I ain't gonna sleep with her on the first date," he whispered, just in case Sarah was listening. He settled back into the couch as Tommy turned the TV volume back on, letting the movie play for a minute before adding, "She's a good kisser, though."
"Oh, I can't wait to meet this girl," Tommy chuckled with a shake of his head. "Haven't seen you smile this much in years."
"Yeah, well," Joel replied noncommittally, still smiling like an idiot and staring at the TV. He decided to stay downstairs that night, finishing the movie and then starting another one on the couch long after Tommy left, unable to quiet down his mind long enough to fall asleep until nearly three in the morning.
You woke up the next day, stretching your arms above your head with a big yawn, not ready to get out of bed yet but the voices downstairs told you it must have been late. With a groan, you reached over and snatched your phone off the charger. When you saw you had a text waiting for you, your heart skipped a beat until you read Sydney's name and not Joel's. Your eyes flicked to the top of the screen, noting it was close to ten in the morning, before sliding open the text.
Sydney: sorry forgot to reply yesterday. I saw will at black & blue, he was hammered and falling all over the place
You scowled, not interested in whatever your ex was up to, so you replied with just the thumbs up emoji and set your phone back down.
Staring at the ceiling, you dreamily thought about your date with Joel. God, he really took you by surprise. You were proud of yourself for taking that first big step forward and putting yourself out there again, but you had no idea it would feel like this. You weren't even sure you ever felt like this with Will. Even when things were good, Will never treated you the way Joel did last night. He was so earnest and respectful, opening doors for you and actually listening to you talk about work. And he didn't even try to feel you up, either, although you probably wouldn't have minded. Maybe it was those Southern manners you were missing this whole time.
With a groan, you dropped your phone back on the nightstand and swung your legs over the edge of your bed, wrapping yourself in your robe, still not expecting it to be so cold in Texas. Even though it was December, it was unusual.
You made your way into the kitchen and made a beeline for the coffee, tossing a wave in the direction of your parents sitting with your sister and brother in law in the living room.
"She lives!" Cassie exclaimed with a smug look on her face. You held your mug up to your lips and blew on the liquid, frowning when the whole family was looking at you with matching, goofy smirks.
"Why are you all looking at me like that?"
"Like what?" your mom asked innocently. You squinted at her as you sat down, not buying it.
"How was your date?" your sister asked. You took a sip of coffee before replying.
"Good," you said simply, nodding your head. Your mom and dad exchanged a look and you frowned again, getting annoyed.
"What?" you asked loudly.
"Nothing!" your dad said, looking back down at his newspaper. Who even still gets the newspaper delivered anymore, anyway?
"Josh, what's going on?" you asked your sister's husband, knowing he was the weakest link. He glanced nervously between you and Cassie.
"They saw you and Joel on the Ring camera," he blurted out, and your family all groaned in unison. Your face flushed beet red, gawking at them all in disbelief.
"Are you kidding me?" you screeched.
"We didn't mean to, Bucky. Dad was reviewing the footage because he couldn't find the newspaper this morning and, well..." your mom trailed off, trying to hide her smile.
"Oh my god," you whined, tucking your legs to your chest and hiding your face.
"Looked like the date was a little more than good," Cassie teased, and you smacked her on the leg.
"I can't believe this," you mumbled to yourself, hiding your face behind your coffee mug and praying someone would change the subject. "How much did you see?"
"Just from when he pulled in the driveway til when you went inside," your mom said with a shrug.
"That's, like, everything, Mom! Oh my god!" Your face was hot with embarrassment now.
"He looks like a good kisser, is he a good kisser?" Cassie asked.
"Shut up!" you whined, covering your face with your free hand.
"There's nothin' to be embarrassed about, he was a gentleman. Held the door open for you and everythin'," your dad murmured, and you groaned.
"Can we talk about literally anything else, please?" you begged.
"Of course!" your mom said, her eyes flicking around the room, waiting for someone to say something, but nobody spoke.
"I'm sorry, Buck, but you gotta see the the smile on his face after you went inside, it was so cute," Cassie said, pulling out her phone.
"I'm going upstairs!" you announced, jumping up from the couch.
"Wait! Are you still coming by later to help paint the nursery?"
"I don't know, are there any cameras there?" you shouted over your shoulder as your climbed the stairs with your coffee to hide in the sanctity of the guest bedroom.
"Well, no. Only because I haven't set the baby monitor up yet," Cassie called back and giggled when she heard you slam your door.
Grumbling to yourself, you flopped back into bed and picked up your phone, looking for a distraction from your embarrassment. You quickly found one when you saw you had a missed text from Joel.
Joel Miller: Question for you - when is the earliest you should text someone without looking too pathetic after you've had the best date of your life?
You grinned as you typed out a response.
You: answer - whatever time you sent this text :)
Joel Miller: Oh, good. Thought I scared you off, sent that about ten minutes ago.
You: sorry, I was downstairs talking to my family, forgot to bring my phone. And I don't think you could ever scare me off
You almost told him about the doorbell camera fiasco, but decided against it. Picking up your mug, you tried not to stare too hard at your phone as you waited for a reply.
Joel Miller: What are you doing later?
Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of seeing him again so soon, then quickly stopped yourself, remembering your promise to your sister.
You: I told my sister I would help paint the nursery...
Joel Miller: That's a shame. I was hoping you could teach me something again.
You: oh? lol
Joel Miller: I just realized how that sounded - I meant wrapping Christmas presents for Sarah. I'm awful at it and I have another hunch gift wrapping is a secret talent of yours.
You giggled and rolled over in bed, your embarrassment long forgotten now.
You: you might be right... how about tomorrow?
Joel took the porch steps two at a time, eager to see you again and it hadn't even been a full two days. His finger barely pressed the doorbell when he heard your voice call out I got it! and the door swung open. You smiled up at him, your eyes lighting up before dropping your gaze to his mouth.
"Hi," you said breathlessly.
"Hey," he replied, swallowing roughly.
"Have a nice time, Bucky!" your mom's voice rang out somewhere behind you as you shut the door quickly. Joel grinned, his gaze drifting from your eyes to your mouth before leaning in. You put your hand on his chest and tilted your head back before grabbing his hand and leading him to his truck. Confused, he followed behind and tried not to stare too long at the way your jeans perfectly hugged your ass.
You led him to the passenger side of the truck, but when he reached out to open the door, you snaked your hand up to wrap around the back of his neck, pulling his face down for a searing kiss only when you were sure you were hidden from view.
"Would I sound crazy if I said I missed you?" you whispered.
"No," Joel replied, shaking his head and trying to calm his pounding heart. "Couldn't stop thinkin' 'bout you."
"Me, too," you admitted softly, gazing up at him with your beautiful eyes all wide and burning with desire.
He cradled your face in his calloused hand, the other flattened firmly against the truck door behind you as he stared into your eyes, fighting the urge to pick you up and wrap your legs around his waist so he could pin you against his truck and let you feel just how badly he missed you.
Then, you heard your dad's SUV unlock and your eyes widened in panic.
"Shit," you muttered. "We should go. I think they're heading out."
"Alright, maybe I should say 'hi' real quick," he said, pushing himself off the truck and letting his hand drop from your face.
"No! That's okay, we'll be stuck here forever if you do," you said hurriedly. He gave you a curious smile but agreed before opening the door for you and hopping into the driver's seat.
He waited until he backed out of the driveway and was heading down your street before shooting you a sideways glance.
"Everythin' okay?"
You sighed and rubbed your palms over your face before clearing your throat.
"So, remember the other night on the porch, after you dropped me off?"
He smirked and nodded.
"Yeah, I think I remember," he teased.
"Well," you began. "My family saw us on the doorbell camera the next morning," you cringed.
He laughed, throwing his head back just a bit so he could still keep an eye on the road, and shook his head.
"Oh, I hate those fuckin' things," he said, but he was still laughing.
You grinned, your nerves and unease dissipating quickly.
"You're not embarrassed?"
"Nah," he said with a shrug, then turned his head briefly to look at you. "I'm sure we put on a good show."
You giggled, your cheeks tinting pink, and turned your head to look out the window.
"Alright," he said after a minute. "I've waited long enough and I gotta ask."
You swiveled back towards him, waiting for him to continue.
"What's the story with the nickname?"
You groaned and squeezed your eyes shut.
"It's so unbelievably stupid," you said, but he shook his head.
"Well, now you gotta tell me."
"Fine," you said, rolling your eyes, but your playful smile gave you away.
"It's Buck, or Bucky. Short for Bucket," you began.
"Bucket?" he repeated, bewildered.
"I warned you it was stupid!" you protested, and he chuckled. "Anyway, when I was little, my sister and her friends had a sleepover one time, and I overheard them swearing."
"Okay," Joel said slowly, nodding along while he kept his eyes pinned to the road.
"I always looked up to my sister, I was like her shadow when I was younger. So, when I heard them swearing, I wanted to be like them, too, you know?"
"Yeah, I follow," he replied, still not sure how the story related to your nickname.
"Well, thing is, I misheard them. They were saying 'fuck it', but I heard 'bucket'," you explained. "So I went to school and, thinking I sounded cool, I would say 'bucket' to all my friends. We were little, they had no idea what I was talking about, so I explained to them it's a swear word. Before I knew it, I had the whole class saying 'bucket' any time someone dropped something, or got a bad grade on a test, or whatever."
Joel howled with laughter, gripping the steering wheel for dear life as he tried to make it safely into his driveway.
"The principal called my parents and told them what was happening," you continued, joining in and giggling. "They got me home, and-" you doubled over, clutching your stomach as Joel put the truck in park and slumped over the steering wheel, his body shaking as he laughed.
"And I had to tell them the whole story, about why I kept saying it and-" you wiped the tears from your eyes as you took a deep breath. "And - oh my god - my sister got grounded for two weeks-" Another fit of laughter washed over Joel, tears streaming down his face.
"Wait, wait," he gasped, unbuckling his seatbelt so he could turn to face you. "You got in trouble in school, and your sister ended up gettin' punished?"
"Yes!" you squeaked, still giggling.
"Oh, shit," he breathed, panting as he leaned the back of his head against the seat rest. "Can't believe you thought that was stupid. That's gotta be the funniest thing I heard in a long while."
"Well, I'm glad I could brighten your day," you said, still grinning.
He rolled his head back towards you, his soft gaze drifting up and down your frame quickly before stopping on your eyes.
"You really do, y'know," he said quietly, and you furrowed your brow, tilting your head in confusion.
"Brighten my day," he clarified.
You bit your lower lip and smiled, looking away as the flush began to return to your cheeks.
"Come on, charmer. Why don't we go teach you how to wrap presents?"
You never really gave much thought as to what Joel's house would look like, but once you saw it, it immediately felt like him. It was a smaller, two bedroom house. When you first walked in, you entered a living room with a leather couch and an oversized recliner. A big screen TV was front and center across from the couch, with a few framed pictures of Joel and Sarah mounted on the wall next to it.
"You want somethin' to drink?" Joel asked, making sure to slide the coat from your shoulders before shrugging off his own.
"Maybe just water," you said, following him into the kitchen. You gasped when you saw his cupboards and immediately rushed over to them while he pulled two bottles of water from the stainless steel fridge.
"Oh my god, Joel," you whispered, running your fingers gently over the designs. Each one looked different but somehow they all were cohesive. Some had small flowers or butterflies carved into the corners, while others had simple, yet intricate designs grooved into the wood.
"Had to practice somehow," he said, feeling his cheeks flush as he walked over to hand you your water.
"God, it's so beautiful," you said breathlessly, unable to look away from the dark, stained wood. Your fingers danced over some stars etched into one of doors, your eyes wide with awe, but he was focused entirely on you. He couldn't get enough of watching the delicate features on your face light up whenever you found something new that pleased you.
"How long does this take for you to do?" you asked, finally dragging your eyes away to look up at him. Your throat tightened when you noticed the heat behind his stare, your pulse fluttering in your neck.
"Depends," he murmured. "Some are faster than others, but I prefer to go slow and take my time. Anythin' worthwhile takes time. Gotta show it respect, gotta care for it."
His low and sultry tone made your face flush, forgetting for a moment you were talking about woodworking.
"Y-yeah," you stammered, clearing your throat. Suddenly, you were feeling short of breath. "That makes sense."
He gazed down at you for another moment, his eyes slowly raking over your face as if committing it to memory before speaking again. Your entire body felt hot, and you cursed yourself for wearing such a thick sweater.
"Ready to go upstairs?" he murmured, still staring at you in a way that made your spine tingle.
"Huh?" you whispered, completely entranced by his deep, brown eyes.
"The presents?" he reminded you with a small smirk.
"Oh, right," you said, finally blinking and looking away. You shakily opened your water bottle after he turned around to lead you to the stairs, your mouth suddenly extremely dry.
As you walked up the steps, you tried to get a look at the pictures that lined the wall, but it was difficult to do without tripping. You thought you had finally gotten your head on straight after that moment in the kitchen, but when you realized he was leading you to his bedroom, you felt the tremble return to your hands.
"Sorry, had to hide everythin' in my closet, she's too nosy," he said over his shoulder.
"No problem," you squeaked, trying not to stare at his neatly made bed. Your eyes briefly drifted over the end tables filled with personal effects. You thought you saw a chapstick, a cord for a phone charger, and a worn paperback book, but you didn't want him to catch you, so you looked away quickly.
He opened his closet and you were surprised to find his clothes packed away so neatly. For a bachelor, he kept a really clean house. He pulled out the bags of gifts from the shelf above his clothes, then the wrapping paper, which was leaning against the corner.
"D'you think we got enough room?" he asked, glancing around at the floor.
"Yeah, of course," you said, sitting down crossed legged on the carpet. You reached out for the wrapping paper and rolled it out in front of you as he sat down at your side, taking out her gifts one by one. You felt yourself involuntarily clench as you watched his large hands deftly lay out each item on the floor, his muscles twitching slightly under the tanned skin of his exposed forearms.
"I know what you're thinkin'," he said, and your eyes widened in surprise. "I spoil her, I know, but she's such a good kid, I can't help myself."
That was definitely not what you were thinking, but you chose to keep that to yourself.
"I think it's sweet," you told him. "You seem like a really good dad."
Now it was his turn to blush. He tried to turn his head away so you wouldn't see, murmuring his thanks as you each picked an item to start. After a quick tutorial, which included way too much tape and ripped paper, Joel finally seemed to get the technique down. It only took until about halfway through the pile for you to muster up the courage to bring up a topic you couldn't help but be curious about.
"So," you began, hoping you came off nonchalant. "Is Sarah with her mom this Christmas, or..."
Joel's fingers fumbled for a moment with the wrapping paper, but he quickly recovered.
"Uh, no," he replied, keeping his eyes cast down on the shoe box in front of him. "She's not in Sarah's life anymore."
"Oh," you said, unable to keep the surprise from your voice, but you didn't push him any further. Your mind was scrambling, trying to think of something else to talk about, when he sighed and leaned back, abandoning the gift.
"I'm sorry, this is all so new to me, I probably should've told you about her sooner," he said, feeling guilty, but you quickly shook your head.
"No, you don't have to-"
"I want to," he said, cutting you off. You clamped your mouth shut and turned your body so you could give him your full attention, leaving the hair dryer you were wrapping on the floor next to you.
He drew a shaky breath in and looked up at the ceiling before speaking.
"There's not much to say, really. I'm still not always sure what happened," he began. You nodded, staying quiet and letting him take his time. "We were together since high school, ended up stayin' together after graduation. Sarah was a surprise, we were both still so young but we made it work. It was hard, but once me and Tommy got the business goin', it made things a bit easier."
Your fingers tangled together in your lap as you listened, refusing to say anything until he was done. His gaze drifted towards a fixed point on the wall as he continued.
"From what I gathered, she felt like havin' Sarah so young robbed her from doin' certain things in life," he said heavily. "Said she couldn't do it anymore. Didn't want her life to pass her by and be full of regret."
You bit your lip. The pain was clear as day on his face and it was making your chest ache.
"Well, anyway. I thought maybe she would go off for a couple months, do whatever it was she thought she was missin' out on. Parties, college... other men," he added the last part quietly, and you dropped your gaze to the floor. "Get it out of her system, y'know? But she just... never came back. Eventually, the calls came less and less, and I put two and two together. Didn't even get a courtesy call before I got served with the papers."
He rubbed his eyes, trying so hard not to look like a blubbering idiot in front of you. You reached your hand out and placed it gently on his knee, giving him a reassuring squeeze. He dropped his hand from his face to cover yours, staring at your coupled hands for a moment.
"Joel-"
"It was just so fuckin' hard on Sarah, y'know?" he said, his voice cracking. "I had no idea what to tell her. She cried almost every night, askin' me why her mom didn't love her anymore."
"Oh, Joel," you whispered, unable to hold back any longer. You closed the small gap between you, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pulling him into your chest, your fingers gently raking through his hair. "I'm so sorry," you told him, burying your nose in the hair on top of his head, breathing in the citrus scent from his shampoo.
He didn't say a word. He just tugged you closer and closed his eyes, leaning into your comforting touch with a deep sigh.
"I'm sorry," he finally managed to croak out. "I'm throwin' way too much at you, I know you didn't sign up for this."
"Shh," you whispered into his hair, then tilted his face up to look at you, his dark brown eyes glassy with unshed tears. "It's okay," you murmured, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. A solitary tear slipped down his cheek when he pulled back to look deep into your eyes.
"It's okay," you repeated, wiping away the tear with the pad of your thumb before placing another gentle kiss against his lips.
He hummed contently against your mouth, sliding his hand up to the back of your neck and pressing his lips more firmly against your own, scared to let you go because if he did, he was sure he would fall apart.
Your grip on his hair tightened as he leaned forward, one strong arm wrapped around your midsection and the other pressed against your back. You mumbled something against his mouth when he tried to lay you down and knocked over a small pile of DVDs.
"Fuck," he whispered and, oh god, the way he said it made your legs turn to jelly and your cheeks flare with heat.
Frustrated, he tightened his grip around you and lifted you up, refusing to break the kiss. A tiny, high pitched squeak slipped past your lips as you wrapped your legs around his hips, letting him carry you to his bed.
He laid you down carefully on top of his plush, navy striped comforter. You sighed into his mouth, your legs loosening around his waist and falling open while you dragged your hands out of his hair and down to his shoulders, wrapping your fingers around his biceps to keep him close. He hovered above you, balancing all his weight on his elbows while his fingers played with the ends of your impossibly soft hair.
He slipped his tongue easily past your lips with a low groan, the noise going straight to your core, making the ache between your legs almost painful while your tongue danced with his, the two already so familiar with each other.
You tipped your head back with a gasp, desperate for air, but he kept going, unable to stop himself. His lips brushed against your jaw before his teeth and prickly beard scraped against the sensitive skin behind your earlobe. You let out a needy whimper and arched your back at the sensation, pushing your breasts into his broad chest as goosebumps spread over your whole body.
"Oh god, Joel," you whined softly, squeezing your eyes shut.
"Yeah, baby?" he replied, his voice thick and muffled against your neck. Baby. Jesus, this man was unraveling you so fast, it was making your head spin.
"I-I know we said this was casual, but-" the words got trapped in your throat as you cut yourself off, unable to finish your thought.
"I know," he said, his voice strained. "Fuck, I know."
He lifted his head away from your neck as he stared down at you, patting your hair back and away from your face as he panted slightly for breath.
You looked up at him, eyes watering as you tried not to think about your time coming to an end in a couple short weeks. You could tell he was thinking the same but didn't want to say it, the pain behind his eyes was obvious.
He blinked a couple times, the clouds clearing as he forced himself to focus on the present. He had you here in his arms, in his bed, underneath him right now. And he was going to be damned if he didn't soak up every single second.
He leaned back down and locked his lips on yours again, this time moving slower, more gentle and tender. He wanted to treat you right. You deserved it, and he wasn't going to give you anything less than what you deserved while he still had you.
You loosened your grip on his arms and allowed your hands to drift to the buttons of his flannel, slowly and shakily undoing them. His heart began to slam against his chest when he realized what you were doing, his mind going fuzzy with desire.
He pulled his head back when you were about halfway down his shirt, looking down hazily at your fingers working open the buttons as he desperately tried to think straight.
"Dad?" Sarah called from downstairs, the front door slamming shut. "Are you here?"
"Shit," Joel mumbled, scrambling off of you as he clumsily tried to redo his buttons. You jumped off the bed, leaning over so you could see into the mirror above his dresser, raking your hands through your tangled hair and quickly fixing your sweater.
"Yeah!" Joel shouted back, glancing over at you to make sure you were decent. "Sorry," he whispered, but you just grinned. Then his eyes fell to the half wrapped presents on the floor.
"Wait! Don't come up-" he called out as he heard her skipping up the steps. Joel grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the room, closing the door behind you both just in time.
"What? Why?" Sarah asked, then froze when she saw you. She looked up at Joel, then back to you, and a slow smile spread across her face.
"Ohhh..." she said with her hands on her hips. "Now I see."
"N-no, it's not what it looks like, she was just helpin' me wrap some gifts," Joel stammered, jutting his thumb over his shoulder. You shifted your weight nervously as you looked back and forth between them.
"Then why are you missing a button on your shirt?"
You both glanced down at his flannel, and she was right. He missed fixing a button in all the chaos. Your face flushed beet red as you stared at the ground while Joel hurriedly fixed the button, cursing under his breath. When you dared to look back up at his daughter, she was smirking playfully at you. Joel cleared his throat.
"Sarah, this is-"
"Yeah, I know, I remember from the party. The pretty dress, right?" she asked, and you nodded.
"Yeah, that's right. Nice to see you again," you said awkwardly.
She nodded, still smirking and looking at you and Joel. You could tell she loved catching her dad in this uncomfortable situation.
"Oh, crap. I forgot. Uncle Tommy is waiting for you in the driveway, said he needed your help unloading some work stuff out from the back of his truck," Sarah said.
"Ah, dammit, alright. You okay for a couple minutes?" he asked you, eyebrows raised.
"Of course," you said. He nodded, walking down the hall past Sarah, muttering "be good" to her as he walked by.
You listened as Joel made his way down the stairs and out the front door, leaving you and Sarah in silence, still staring at one another.
"I'm sorry, we really were wrapping gifts," you assured her.
"It's okay," she said with a shrug. "Last year he used duct tape on my presents, I know he needs the help."
You giggled, causing her to laugh, as well.
"Do you play an instrument?" you asked, just noticing the case on the floor next to her feet.
"Yeah, violin. I had practice after school today," she said, picking it up.
"Oh, cool. I played piano growing up, but I was never any good," you said, sliding your hands in the back pockets of your jeans.
"I have my school's Christmas recital on Friday," she said. "My first solo."
"Oh my god!" you said, clapping your hands together, genuinely impressed. "That's incredible! You must be so excited!"
"Yeah, at first, but now I'm getting nervous," she said, glancing down at the case in her hand. "You wanna hear me play?"
"Duh. Absolutely," you said with a grin. Her eyes lit up and a huge smile spread across her face again.
"O-okay. This is my room right here," she said, turning to her right and opening the door. "Sorry it's messy, my dad's gonna kill me."
"It's totally fine," you said, walking in and sitting down at the edge of her bed. You glanced around the room as she set up her music stand. On the pink walls, she had posters up of her favorite bands with a calendar and string lights draped across the room.
"I really like your room," you said, squinting to look at the stickers and drawings she had on her headboard.
"Thanks," she said sheepishly. "My dad let me do whatever I wanted."
You were about to comment on the various trophies she had on her windowsill when Sarah spoke again.
"Just so you know, I don't mind that you're seeing my dad."
Your eyes shot up to hers in surprise, not sure what to say. You hadn't really had a chance to talk to Joel about your relationship and how that would affect his daughter.
"He's been in such a good mood this past week, and he won't tell me but I know it's because of you," she said, pinning you with a familiar brown gaze.
"Oh, that's so sweet, Sarah," you said, finally finding your voice. "Thank you. That means a lot."
"You're welcome," she said. "I just want him to be happy again."
You dropped your gaze to your lap, your chest tightening at the thought of Joel being so lonely all these years.
"Me, too," you whispered, still looking down. Sarah regarded you for a minute before slapping her palms against the tops of her thighs and leaned down to pick up her violin.
"You ready?" she asked. You looked up and nodded, giving her an encouraging smile and sat back to listen as she began playing a hauntingly beautiful version of 'Silent Night'.
Sarah got about halfway through the song when she hit the wrong note and abruptly stopped, dropping her chin to her chest in frustration.
"Hey, it's okay," Joel heard you say softly as he walked back up the stairs. He paused at the top, right outside Sarah's room to listen.
"It's okay to make mistakes. Just go slower, take your time. Anything worthwhile takes time," you told her, and he smiled when he heard his earlier words to you repeated back to his daughter. He took a step forward to lean against the doorframe and watch the two of you, your back to him as you sat on her bed.
"Okay," Sarah said, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes before lifting the violin to her chin and starting over.
Joel listened to Sarah play the same song he's heard a million times already in just the past month alone, but kept his eyes trained on you. The way you gave her your full, undivided attention and encouraged her with a smile or a thumbs up when she would glance over at you shyly made his chest ache.
When Sarah successfully finished the song with no mistakes, you jumped up from the bed, clapping and cheering for her, making Sarah giggle and hide behind her hands.
Fuck, this was going to be so hard.
"Dad?" Sarah asked the next morning over her bowl of cereal.
"Yeah, baby girl?" he replied, frowning as he pulled his bread from the toaster. He sucked his fingertips into his mouth, trying to bring some relief to the quickly reddening skin.
"Can your friend come to my recital tomorrow?"
Joel froze, his fingers still pressed against his tongue as he slowly turned around to look at her. He dropped his hand and took a deep breath.
"I don't know if that's such a good idea," he replied.
"You don't think she would wanna go?" Sarah asked, her eyebrows pinched together.
"No, it's not that, I'm sure she would," he said, trying to find the right words.
"Then what's the problem?"
Joel sighed and picked his mug up from the counter, then walked over to join her at the table.
"She doesn't live here, baby. She's goin' back to New York in another week or so, I don't want you gettin' too attached," he finally admitted, watching Sarah closely as she considered his words.
"Well, you guys like each other, right?" she asked, and Joel smirked.
"Yeah, but it ain't that simple."
"Yes, it is, Dad," she said, rolling her eyes and dipping her spoon back into her bowl. "My friend Katy was dating this guy last year and he switched schools over the summer. They're still together, it doesn't matter," Sarah said with a shrug, taking a bite of cereal.
If the topic didn't fill Joel with a sense of dread, he would have chuckled at the comparison, but instead he just sat there quietly, watching his daughter as she finished her cereal and scrolled on her phone.
Sarah pulled on her backpack and was sliding on her sneakers to catch the bus when she called back to Joel over her shoulder.
"Just ask her, okay? Please, Dad?"
Joel sighed, hanging his head between his shoulders and paused his hands over the dishes in the sink.
"Alright," he relented, and he heard Sarah clap her hands behind him before slamming the front door shut.
You: good morning :)
Joel Miller: Good Morning, sweetheart. I didn't think you would be up this early.
You: couldn't fall back asleep. What are you doing
Joel Miller: Just getting to work. Why couldn't you fall back asleep?
You thought about it for a minute from under the pile of blankets on your bed, rolling to your side before answering.
You: I was thinking about you...
Joel Miller: Good thoughts, I hope?
You: VERY ;)
His throat went dry when he opened the text. He glanced around outside his car window, making sure he was still the only one on the job site before replying.
Joel Miller: What are you trying to tell me, baby?
You smirked and bit down on your lip.
You: I was wishing you were in bed with me right now
"Shit," he muttered to himself, glancing around once again before adjusting his pants.
Joel Miller: Me too, what are you wearing?
The answer came back almost immediately.
You: nothing
He groaned and rubbed his palms roughly over his face.
Joel Miller: You're killing me, baby. I have to get working in a minute.
You: i'm sorry ;)
You: I promised my parents I would go to dinner with them tonight, but are you free tomorrow?
Joel took a deep breath, trying to clear the onslaught of inappropriate thoughts from his head when he remembered his promise to Sarah.
Joel Miller: It's Sarah's recital tomorrow night. She asked me to invite you this morning, did you want to go?
He nervously chewed his cheek for a moment before sending another text.
Joel Miller: No pressure, I can tell her you're busy.
He sent his second text right as your reply came through.
You: I would love to!
He grinned and raked his fingers through his hair. Tommy's knuckles tapped on the outside of Joel's window, making him jump. He held up a finger before sending you a quick answer.
Joel Miller: Sounds great. I'll pick you up. Try to go back to sleep. Dream of me.
Joel opened the door and slid his phone in his back pocket, a stupid grin etched across his face as he joined his brother in the half-built storefront they were working on.
"Oh man, you got it bad," Tommy said with a chuckle when he saw the look on Joel's face.
"Alright, what do you think of this one?" you asked Cassie as you stepped out of the bathroom modeling the sixth dress of the day.
"I liked the red one better," she said, glancing up from her phone.
"Are you sure? This one is a little more chic," you said, twisting around to look at your backside in the mirror.
"It's a high school recital, Buck. I don't think anyone is expecting 'chic'," she teased, and you rolled your eyes.
"Well, I just want to look nice, is all," you said, sitting next to her on your bed in a huff. You tapped your phone screen, frowning when all you had was another text from Sydney and nothing from Joel. You opened it up anyway, curiosity getting the best of you.
Sydney: OMG!!!!!!
You sent back three question marks and locked your phone with a sigh.
"You still wanna get together next week so we can look at apartments online for you?" she asked.
"Yeah," you said sadly, looking out the window.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," you told her. "Just not ready to go back yet."
"Could that be because of a certain sexy contractor?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at you.
"Shut up," you smirked, tossing a pillow at her lightly.
"Ooo you like him! Lookit how red you're getting!"
"I'm gonna kill you when that baby's out, you know that, right?" you giggled.
"Yeah, yeah, sure," Cassie said, looking back down at her phone as the smile slowly faded from her face. "You know you don't have to go back, right?"
"What do you mean? My job is there, my life is there... everything is there," you replied. "Of course I have to go back."
"What life, though?" she asked, and you frowned at her. "Seriously, Buck. Aside from your job, which you hate, what's left?"
"Well, my friends are there. And I don't hate my job that much. I mean, everyone hates their job a little bit," you said with a shrug.
"Is this what you expected to do when you were in college? Is this what you wanted?" Cassie pressed, sitting up on the bed. "Are you even happy?"
You paused, letting her words roll around in your head for a moment.
"Well, I mean..." you trailed off, not sure how to answer her question.
"If you have to think about it this long, I think you know the answer," your sister said quietly. You groaned and rolled off the bed.
"I'm going back. I have to. I can't just give up because some guy broke my heart," you said, turning around so she could unzip the back of your dress.
"I'm just saying, think about it," Cassie replied. "I wouldn't hate it if my child's aunt was in their life more than twice a year!" she called after you as you shut the door to the bathroom.
Joel eagerly jogged up the porch steps and rang the doorbell, very aware of the camera this time while he fiddled with the cuffs on his dark red button down shirt. He heard high heels clicking on the other side of the door and the corners of his mouth turned up into a smile, which quickly vanished when you opened the door and he saw the dress you were wearing.
"Hi," you said with a shy smile, pulling a soft looking white cardigan on over your shoulders.
He thought he had greeted you. He could have sworn he said something, anything, that didn't make him look like a complete idiot, but apparently nothing came out because you scrunched your eyebrows together when you saw his face.
"Are you okay?" you asked, pulling the door shut behind you.
"Yeah, it's just - Jesus, you look so good," he managed to finally say, tilting his head back to stare up at the roof of the porch for a moment, taking a deep breath.
"Thank you," you said with a giggle. "You don't look half bad, yourself."
He rubbed his forehead, exasperated and flustered before pulling you quickly into his arms and latching his mouth onto yours with a groan.
"Joel," you pulled back breathlessly with a small smile and leaned your head to the side, trying to silently remind him of the doorbell. His eyes raked over you hungrily before shaking his head and pulling you back into a deep kiss.
Fuck the camera, let them see.
You giggled against his mouth, causing him to smile and break the kiss.
"Come on, I wanna get good seats," you said, rubbing your thumb over his lower lip to wipe off your lipstick that transferred. It caused his stomach to clench. That sweet, little intimate gesture made him ache for more so badly that he could hardly breathe.
He walked you around the front of his truck, opening the door and giving you a hand so you could hop onto the seat, the gorgeous red dress you were wearing hugging your curves just right and distracting him to no end.
On the walk around to the driver's side, he mentally scolded himself, reminding himself over and over that tonight was a big deal for his little girl and he needed to stay focused.
As he drove down the street, he realized that his hand instinctively found yours across the seat, his body craving the warmth and softness of your own. How on earth was he going to go back to the life he had before, now that he knows what it's like to bask in the heat of your touch?
Once he got to the school, he found a parking spot and jumped out of the truck. You had figured out by now that he preferred you to wait so he could open the car door for you, so you did. Swinging your legs over the side of the seat, you slid down into his waiting arms, your hands gently coming to rest on the tops of his shoulders. He gazed down at you with his arms loosely hanging around your waist. You saw his adam's apple bob in his throat while he let himself get lost in your warm, beautiful eyes. You lifted a finger from his shoulder, tracing an invisible line down the side of his cheek as you stared up at him with your plush lips parted so invitingly that it made his knees weak.
"Joel! Hey!" Tommy's voice called out from behind, snapping you both out of the moment. Joel sighed and untangled himself from you, taking your hand and leading you forward so he could shut the door before turning around to find his brother.
You could see the family resemblance immediately as Tommy approached you with a wide grin. His hair was a bit darker and a lot longer, and his beard was less full than Joel's, but he had the same soft, brown eyes that you had grown to know and love.
Love? Oh, no.
"Hey, Tommy," Joel said as he got closer, his hand pressed firmly on the small of your back. "This is-"
"Oh, I know who she is. How're you doin', darlin'?" Tommy asked, pulling you into a bear hug, taking you by surprise.
"I-I'm good," you squeaked shyly once he released you. "Nice to meet you."
"I've been dyin' to meet the little lady who's got my brother all wrapped up," he replied with a grin.
"Tommy!" Joel seethed warningly at your side, but you just giggled.
"I'm just messin' around. She knows that, right?" he said, shoving his hands in his coat pocket and rolling on the balls of his feet. "Supposed to snow next week, can you believe it?"
"Yeah, I heard we might get a couple feet," Joel said, steering you toward the doors to the auditorium. "Better get your shovel ready."
You settled in between the two brothers as you found a decent spot in the fourth row. Joel draped his arm around the back of your chair while he chatted with Tommy about work. You inadvertently leaned to the side and rested your shoulder against his chest as you glanced around the room, admiring the lit up garlands around the windows and Christmas trees on the stage with fake presents underneath.
When their conversation died down, Tommy pulled out his phone and began scrolling through social media, holding it low between his spread knees with his chin tucked into his chest.
Joel tilted his face forward to press his lips on the top of your head, breathing in a deep and contented breath. A small smile played across your lips as you turned your gaze up towards him, resting your cheek gently on his shoulder. He looked down at you with a smile and planted a chaste kiss on your forehead, and as each of you slid your eyes closed for a moment, Tommy angled his phone to snap a quick picture, smiling to himself and making a mental note to show his brother later.
The lights dimmed and you all straightened up in your seats. You listened to the music teacher make a small speech at the beginning and politely clapped afterwards. You saw Sarah twice throughout the concert as part of the orchestra, smiling at how focused and beautiful she looked in her white dress. As the concert wound down, Sarah finally came out on stage for her solo, and the three of you eagerly leaned forward. At the last minute, you remembered to pull out your phone and start a video, telling yourself you were doing it for Joel so that he could be in the moment, but you knew you would end up watching it by yourself when you went back to New York City.
The performance was flawless. When it was over, the three of you lept up from your seats, cheering, jumping and clapping, making her wave and blush as she exited the stage. You sat down, giggling, as the people surrounding you gave you all polite smiles and chuckles, then quieted down for the finale.
When the lights came back up, everyone stood from their seats, murmuring and laughing while waiting for their kids to come out from backstage and take pictures. You saw a flash of white out of the corner of your eye and moved out of the way just in time for Sarah to run and jump up into Joel's arms, burying her face in his neck. He squeezed his eyes shut, his arms wrapped around her tightly, murmuring praise in her ear. You felt warmth spread across your chest as you watched them have their moment, the corners of your mouth turned up into a smile with your hands clasped together against your chest.
He let her down gently and she turned to give Tommy a quick hug. He spun her around, making her giggle and fidget with her dress before she turned to you.
"You came!" she exclaimed, wrapping her arms loosely around your waist. Your eyes widened in surprise, not expecting such affection from her, but you quickly returned the hug.
"Of course I came! Thank you for inviting me," you said, pulling back with a grin. "You were absolutely perfect, I took a video, I'll send it to your dad so he can show you later."
"I did exactly what you told me, I slowed down and took my time," she beamed, and it gave you a new feeling deep in your chest that you never felt before.
"That's great, Sarah," you replied, your throat tight with emotion. Tommy dropped his gaze from you and ticked his jaw to the side, finally understanding why Joel was hesitant to let Sarah know about the two of you.
"Dad?" Sarah asked, turning away from you. "Can I sleep over at Katy's? She's having a bunch of girls over and her mom said it was okay."
"Uh, sure, baby girl. Don't you need clothes and stuff?"
"I have stuff I keep here in my locker for gym," she said.
"Well, alright, lemme talk to her mom first," he replied, glancing around the room.
"Thank you! She's right over here," she said, grabbing his hand. "Thanks for coming!" she called back last minute over her shoulder to you and Tommy, and you both smiled and waved as she dragged her father across the room.
"She's so talented," you said, turning to Tommy. He looked down at you and gave you a weak smile.
"Yeah, she's somethin' else," he said with a nod. "Hey, listen. I'm havin' a get together next week at my house. Little Christmas party, I guess. I invited a guy I met at your parents' house - Josh? He's comin' with his wife, Joel and Sarah'll be there, I'd love for you to come by if you can."
"Josh is my brother in law," you clarified for him. "That sounds great, I'll be there, thank you."
"You're welcome," Tommy said, then his brows pinched together as he opened his mouth again to speak. "Joel might kill me for sayin' this, but you gotta know how happy you've -"
"Ready to go?" Joel asked, sneaking up beside you. Tommy cleared his throat and gave his brother an innocent smile.
"Yep," you replied, dropping your hand to find his at your side, lacing your fingers together and giving him a gentle squeeze.
After saying goodbye to Tommy, Joel slowly led you through the parking lot to his truck, desperately trying to think of something else you could do, not ready to drop you off yet. He knew the time you had together was coming to an end, and he wanted to soak up every precious second. Especially after the way he saw you with Sarah: so warm and sweet and patient. He couldn't remember the last time he saw his daughter's eyes light up that way.
He prided himself on being a good father since his wife left. Always making sure to put Sarah first, that she got everything she could ever want or need. Especially his love. When his ex abandoned them, he made sure Sarah got every ounce of love he had, hoping it would help make up for the loss. But as hard as he tried, he could never fully fill both roles. There were just some things that a mother provided for her daughter that Joel couldn't give.
He didn't realize it until he saw you with Sarah earlier that night, and then it felt like everything shifted into focus for the first time in his life.
He held out his hand to help you get back into his truck, making sure your legs were safely tucked in before he gently shut the door.
Sitting in the driver's seat gripping the steering wheel, he stared straight ahead for a moment in complete silence, the keys still in his coat pocket while his mind reeled.
"Is everything okay?" you asked timidly. He blinked and turned to you.
"Yeah," he said hoarsely. He swallowed and looked at his watch.
"You wanna get coffee or somethin'? I know it's gettin' late but I'm sure some place's open," he said, deep in thought as he considered the cafés nearby.
"Don't you have coffee at your house?" you asked shyly. His eyes snapped up to yours and he saw the flush creeping up your neck and the rapid rise and fall of your chest.
Oh.
"Yeah, yes," he croaked, nervously clearing his throat. "Let's do that. I have- yeah, good idea," he stammered, fumbling with the keys in his pocket.
You smirked as you watched his shaky hand turn the key in the ignition. He twisted around to back out of the parking spot, and this time you gave into temptation, unbuckling your seatbelt so you could slide over and tuck yourself under his arm. He immediately pulled you closer, not even caring that you weren't wearing your seatbelt. He would make sure to drive safe. Nothing could possibly ruin that night. He wouldn't let it.
At stop lights, you would run your hand up his chest and plant small kisses against the corner of his mouth, filling him with a radiating bliss he never felt before.
Once you got back to his house, you shrugged off your sweater and trailed behind him as he made his way into the kitchen. You leaned against the wall and watched as he opened one of the cupboards - the one with the small birds carved into the bottom - and pulled down a can of coffee.
"I don't think I have any decaf," he said turning to look at you.
"I don't want coffee, Joel," you said lowly. He swallowed roughly and put the can on the counter.
"What d'you want, then?"
You pushed yourself off the wall and slowly walked towards him, his eyes skating up and down your body as you approached. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you tilted your face up to gaze at him, your mouth hovering over his own.
"I want you."
His eyes fluttered closed as your lips slotted against his, his rough hands immediately coming up to cup your smooth face, holding you firmly against his mouth. Christ, he would never get tired of kissing you. If he could do it every single day for the rest of his life, he would. He knew it seemed crazy. He knew you just met, but he couldn't help the way you made him feel.
"Let's go upstairs," you whispered, nipping at his lower lip.
He couldn't speak. He just nodded in a daze and let you lead him coyly up the steps, then turned around to walk backwards down the hall towards his bedroom so you could pull him tightly against your body. His big hands gripped your waist while his tongue slipped past your lips, searching for its mate.
You reached behind you blindly, your hand fighting with the doorknob as his big frame caged you in against the wood, his masculine scent invading your senses and making it difficult to think. Finally, the door swung open and you both stumbled in, a giggle erupting from your throat as your fingers got to work undoing the buttons on his dress shirt.
You hurriedly tugged his button down off, leaving it in a heap on the floor as you slid your palms underneath the white t-shirt he had on, feeling the warm skin of his stomach and chest for the first time.
"Off," you whispered, your heart getting stuck in your throat when he yanked the shirt over his head, leaving his upper body completely bare to you. Your mouth went dry as you drank him in, then lunged forward, your lips brushing up his sternum until you reached his collarbone. You sucked on a bit of tanned skin there with a moan, then slipped your tongue out to press wetly against the red mark you left, feeling drunk off the taste of his sweat.
He gently pushed you backwards so he could ease you down onto his bed, his breath growing erratic and desperate with each little bite you left on his chest. God, has anyone ever desired him this much before? Has he really been missing out on this his entire life?
"Baby, we're gonna have to stop soon if you don't want this to go any further," he murmured. He found himself in the familiar position of hovering above you while his hand slid down your leg and toyed with the hem of your dress.
"I don't think I can take much more, tell me to stop," he whispered when you didn't answer, running the tip of his nose softly against your cheek.
"I don't want you to stop," you gasped as his fingers slipped underneath your dress. You tilted your head back and moaned when you felt his fingertips brush against the damp fabric of your panties.
His mouth hungrily devoured the exposed cleavage of your breasts, growing frustrated with the fabric of your dress keeping him from seeing all of you.
"Sit up," he demanded, leaning back and pulling his hand from between your legs. You obeyed, and he made short work of your zipper, pulling it all the way down so you could shimmy out, leaving you in just your underwear.
"Oh, fuck," he whispered when he realized you weren't wearing a bra. You let yourself fall back gently on the bed, spreading your arms out above your head so he could see every inch of you in the moonlight.
He couldn't believe this was actually happening. He kept waiting for his alarm to go off and reality to slap him across the face, but it never came. His heart was pounding so fast, he was sure you could hear it as he leaned back down and nibbled at your exposed jaw while his calloused hand cupped your soft breast, his thumb flicking over your hardening nipple.
You scraped your nails over his shoulders and down his chest as you arched your back, pressing into his hand, needing to feel the heat of his skin against your own. Your stomach flipped as you made your way down to his belt, and with shaky fingers, pulled hastily at the leather.
Yanking the belt through the loops with one swift motion, you flung it across the room, making him chuckle against your skin. When you started to work on popping open the button on his dress pants, a devastating thought suddenly occurred to him.
"Shit, wait," he said, putting his hand on top of yours. You frowned up at him, your chest heaving, as you gave him a confused look.
"I don't have any protection," he said through gritted teeth. He hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut angrily. "I-I haven't been with anyone since my ex, and I never thought... fuck," he said, clenching his jaw.
You weighed your options for about half a second before tugging his chin up, forcing him to look at you.
"I'm still on birth control," you told him, searching his eyes. "I mean, only if you're comfortable with it, we don't have to," you said, but in your head you were chanting please, please, please.
"Are you sure?" he asked, panting for air. "I don't wanna make you feel like -"
"Yes," you said, cutting him off by grabbing his face. "Yes. I'm sure, Joel. Please," you whimpered, pulling him back down to you, his mouth crashing down on yours again.
"Please," you whispered again, tipping your head back as his lips left a trail of soft kisses down your throat. "Please, Joel, I need you."
His mouth stuttered against your neck. Hearing you beg and say you needed him when he never thought he would ever be needed like this in his whole life made his mind go blank.
"Okay," he rasped. "Okay, baby."
He tugged at the zipper on his black pants and pulled them off as quickly as he could without leaving you. You reached down to help him, hooking your fingers over the band of his boxers and shoving them down. He kicked them off before yanking down your panties, dropping them on the floor next to his clothes.
You eagerly spread your legs so he could settle his hips between them. You glanced down with a small gasp when you saw the size of him and you felt your cheeks flare. Jesus Christ.
He didn't seem to notice your reaction when he was too wrapped up in staring at the wet heat between your legs, pulsing and waiting, just for him. He slid a finger gently between your folds, making you moan and your back arch. Fuck, he loved how responsive you were to his touch.
He readjusted so he was kneeling between your legs. His palms slid up your calves, past your knees and to your inner thighs, pressing them down into the mattress so you were spread wide.
He lined himself up at your center, glancing up at you quickly to make sure you were ready. You swallowed and nodded, your eyes filled with desire, desire for him, something he still couldn't fathom but decided not to question. He pressed forward gently, notching himself against you before falling forward on his elbows.
He kissed the tip of your nose as he eased himself inside you, pausing when he heard you gasp and felt you tense under him.
"More," you finally croaked, your nails coming up to rake against his scalp. He let out the breath he was holding and pushed in further, his eyes fluttering shut and his mouth falling open as he felt you slowly stretch around him so perfectly, like you were made just for him.
"Oh, god," he sighed, dropping his face to the crook of your neck after he fully sheathed himself inside you. He dragged his mouth across your chest, leaving a wet trail from his tongue and red marks from his scratchy beard in his wake. He waited until he felt your muscles relax under him before he slowly rolled his hips, dragging himself in and out as his teeth scraped over your tightening nipples. You moaned his name softly, the sound permanently etched in his brain, a sound he will refuse to forget for the rest of his life.
He began to roll his hips faster at your encouragement, becoming obsessed with the way you felt and the sounds you made, and it was all for him. He spent so much of his life giving to everyone around him, he never truly felt like anyone was able or willing to give him what he needed in return until now. The recognition was depressing and freeing at the same time. Now that he finally had what he always wanted, what he always needed, he was going to lose you and there was nothing he could do about it.
Each moan from your throat and each kiss from your lips dragged him down deeper and deeper until he collided head first with the stunning, yet so painfully obvious, realization that he was deliriously in love with you. It was insane, he knew that. But it didn't make it any less true.
"Joel," you gasped, pulling him out of his trance and back to the present.
"Yeah, baby? I'm here. I'm right here," he whispered, planting soft kisses all over your face.
You bit down on your lower lip and squeezed your eyes shut. The sheer intensity behind his gaze coupled with the agony of only getting to experience this for one more short week made tears burn in the backs of your eyes.
You felt your orgasm begin to swell deep in your belly while your breath became more ragged and your vision went spotty. It shouldn't feel this good. This was cruel, to be able to experience something like this just to have it brutally ripped away from you. It wasn't fair, yet you never wanted it to stop.
He could feel it. It's been years, and it was never, ever like this, but he still knew. The way you whimpered and clawed at his back while your walls squeezed him so tightly, he thought he might pass out.
"Open your eyes," he panted. "I wanna look at you."
You forced your eyes open, now unable to hold back the tears that pooled there as two drops trickled down the side of your face, getting lost in your hair.
"It's okay, I got you," he whispered lovingly, staring deep into your eyes, seeing everything you didn't dare say out loud.
"You can let go, baby," he told you, his hips snapping against you ruthlessly, desperate to come at the same time.
You felt the wave rip through you like fire, the power and emotion behind it unlike anything you ever felt before. More tears poured from your eyes as you cried out his name, your thighs squeezing his hips so tightly you weren't sure you would be able to stand after.
He followed seconds later with a deep groan, spilling himself deep inside you while murmuring praise and wiping away your tears with his thumb.
"Why're you cryin', did I hurt you?" he asked, his voice filled with so much concern that it broke your heart. You shook your head, wiping the tears away with the back of your hand, but fresh ones just took their place.
"C'mon, talk to me," he urged, leaning up a bit as he softened inside you.
"What are we gonna do, Joel?" you blubbered pathetically. He took a shaky breath in and tenderly tucked your hair behind your ear.
"I don't know, baby, but we'll figure somethin' out. We gotta," he said with a sigh.
"I can't lose you," you whispered, pressing your forehead against his and closing your eyes.
"You'll never lose me, I can promise you that," he replied, pressing a gentle kiss against your swollen lips.
He waited until your tears slowed down before sliding out of you with a hiss. Rolling off to your side, he wrapped his arms around your middle and pulled you close against his chest, and as you finally drifted off in his embrace, he thought about all of the options available before you, determined to find a solution.
Tag list: @lola8888673 @pedropascalsbbg @nandan11 @sushiumex @serenadingtigers @jjlevin @survivingandenduring @amyispxnk @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @merz-8 @wonyoungismind @fandomscollide @anoverwhelmingdin @cayleejx16 @msjjekyll @lizzie-cakes @hexedbywanda @harriedandharassed @joeldjarin - lmk if i missed anyone, if your name is crossed out it means it won't let me tag you
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Ride the Lightning | Thor x Reader
Summary: They say lightning never strike twice. Thor begs to differ.
Word count: 3.4K
Warnings: pure brain rotting smut with a little plot, size kink, oral sex (female receiving), face riding, couch sex, male ejaculation, creampied, shower sex. Mutual pinning if you squint. a bit shy/awkward reader (because w’re all a bit awkward talking to our crushes 🥲)
MINORS DNI | 18+ ONLY
A/N: y’all know I’ve been wanting to read some filthy ass size kink fic. Well, if you want something bad enough, you gotta write it yourself. Here it is in its pure filth. No beta, so I’m sorry!! Feedback & reblog just mean a lot and greatly appreciated if you enjoyed this.
*** do not copy, repost, rewrite, or translate my works !!
You could feel him eyeing you across the room.
Another sip from your wine glass and you turn and pretend to listen to Sam and Bucky because God helped you, you can’t meet his eyes at all. You could feel the heat slowly blooming at your cheeks while your heart was practically hammering against your chest.
“Are you alright, Y/N?” Sam asked you when he noticed that you were acting awfully suspicious.
“Please, don’t mind me. Just enjoying my wine. Nothing out of the ordinary at all.” you flashed him a sheepish smile.
Bucky tapped his shoulder and Sam turned in the direction and nodded in understanding. It was a known fact that you have had a crush on Thor for a while now, and almost everyone knows about it, well except that you didn’t know that everyone knew about it.
“Aren’t you driving tonight? Perhaps you should slow down,” Sam said as he carefully took your glass from your hand. “Chugging that in one go won’t do you any good.”
“Please, Sam. I’m a big girl. I can just walk back to my apartment.”
“First of all, you are tiny! Second, not a chance.”
“I can drive her back,” Scott came out of nowhere and plopped himself back next to Bucky. The other man grimaced, clearly annoyed that he didn’t understand what Sam was trying to do here.
“No,” Sam and Bucky said in unison, which Scott was taken aback by.
“Well, geez guys. Thanks.”
“What they meant to say is that Thor should walk Y/N back to her apartment,” Bruce stepped in.
“Why Thor and not me?” Scott was clearly offended, and it was so obvious that he was unaware of the situation as well. “What is so special about Thor?”
“What about me?” came Thor's deep baritone voice, standing there and towering practically over everyone.
“You should walk Y/N back to her apartment,” Sam said as a matter of factly.
“Agree,” Bucky concurred.
“Wait? Why him?” Scott asked, and Clint had to cover Scott's mouth with his hand before he leaned in and whispered something in his ears. Sam, Bucky, and Bruce all watched Scott’s face slowly morph into a knowing look. “Right. Ok, yeah, Thor! Be a gent and walk her home!”
“Ok,” he said suspiciously before downing the last of his drink, which barely gave him any buzz. “My lady?” He offered you a hand and you stared momentarily before you took it. All the guys were watching you with a knowing smile before you waved goodbye.
The walk was awkward to the point where you were no longer buzzing anymore. Thor was being Thor and was trying very hard to make small talk with you. Only for you to nod and smile because you still couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that he was here with you.
Once you reached the apartment, you invited him inside out of politeness.
“It’s a bit small, but y’know, it’s enough for me.”
“I think it’s a fitting space for you,” he commented as he seated himself easily on your sofa. You watched the way his mass frame took up the space, and it made you swallow hard, imaging yourself on his lap and just–
“I saw you were staring at me at the party earlier. Care to tell me why?”
The question took you by surprise because he sounded genuinely curious.
“Uh….”
“You’ve been avoiding me since I got back? Did I unknowingly offend you?”
“No. Not at all. I–it’s literally nothing, Thor. I promise. Wine?” you chirped as you tried to make an escape to your wine rack, only to find yourself being pulled back by a very strong arm. You didn’t realize a man his size could move so quickly and so quietly, but here you were being spun and landed right in his chest.
Your heartbeat was practically drummed against your ears, almost deafening you as you stared up. He was so much larger and stronger. His scent filled your nostrils. He smelled so delicious that your mouth started to salivate.
“I know that kind of look, little dove, so either tell me or I’m forcing it out of you. And you know, I’m very good at the second one.” His eyes twinkled with a promise, and you had no doubt that he was capable of it.
You chewed on your lips and you watched the way his eyes seemed to darken like a stormy sky.
“Don’t tease me,” you said helplessly, knowing that your admission might ruin whatever little relationship you have with him. “But I like you.”
“You do?” he asked with a genuine smile. You could see a hint of red dust on his cheeks, and suddenly you understood why you have a crush on him in the first place. The man was like a golden retriever.
You nodded. “I don’t expect anything in return, so don't look at me weirdly…”
“Why would I ever look at a beautiful woman weirdly?”
Oh God, now he has done it. You could feel your breath leaving you. You forgot how charming he could be too. “You think I’m pretty?” you asked sheepishly. Your eyes suddenly couldn’t meet him.
“I think you are beautiful. Small, delicate, but capable. Every time I look at you, I just want to scoop you up in my arms and kiss you until I’m drunk.”
“Oh. Wow. Um,” you chuckled nervously. “You do?”
He nodded as he sat down on the sofa, his large hand was still holding you. “Yes. Like right now…” he said as he pulled you in until you were straddling him. “If you don’t want this, you can hop right off, and I shall return to the party. We can pretend like nothing ever happened.”
“And if I don’t?”
“I’m all yours, little dove.”
You stared at him for a long moment before you leaned forward, your mouth covering his in a deep, hard kiss. His scent flooded your senses.
He groaned when he could feel you sitting atop the hard ridge of his erection. It was obvious that he was as ready as you are.
“Come here.” His voice was deep and husky, making your skin prick with goosebumps despite the warmness that radiated off of his body.
“Where?” you asked. Your voice was barely a whisper as you stared deep into his eyes, getting lost in them. If there ever was such a thing, his eyes were like fire in a bottomless ocean– the sort of passion trapped underneath a glacier that had frosted over millennia before, yet burned hotter than the sun.
“My mouth. It would please me greatly if you let me lap up all that sweet, decadence honey of yours.”
You wanted to moan out loud by the way he finished off his sentences with a slight quirk at the corner of his mouth. You hastily bunched up your dress and Thor helped you remove your panties. You forced yourself up slowly before you knelt astride his head; one knee on the edge of the couch while the other on the armrest of the sofa, spreading yourself out wide, giving him a clear view of your glistening pussy.
His large, calloused hands slid up your thighs, and his breath fanned over your needy cunt, making you shudder slightly. Thor slowly squeezed your ass, causing you to whimper softly.
And then he started to lick you in a long and deliberate lap. His hand was kneading the back of your thighs as he settled into a feast, gliding his tongue along your list before he pushed into the folds, dipping inside you in shallow penetrations.
You couldn’t help but clutched the back of the sofa as you tried very hard to hold onto whatever was left of your sanity. Your legs shook slightly, almost wavering by the weight of the profound pleasure. You found yourself rocking your hips into his mouth, relishing the way his beard grazed against your inner thighs.
He would concentrate on that one spot that made you strain and cry out before he returned to stroke across your slit back and forth. He kept on doing this until your legs began to shake.
“Do not come,” he warned. His deep rumbling voice seemed to send a tremor right through your throbbing pussy as he gave your ass another squeeze.
You whimpered at that. How could he demand such a thing from you when he was so good at this?!
“I want to be inside you when you come,” he said before he gave your pussy another long, tantalizing lick. His nose brushed against your clit, and it made your thighs twitch a little.
“Please hurry,” you whined before you removed yourself from his mouth.
This earned a disapproving grunt from him.
“So impatient,” he said before he hastily removed his pants. He was long and thick like you’ve always suspected. Dark blond hair dusted the hard plane of his stomach all the way down. His cock arched up to his stomach. The pink, fat tip of his cock was already glistening as beads of precum leaked out of the slit.
He was big. Bigger than anyone you’ve been with, and it made your mouth salivate. You know he was going to fuck your brain out and rearrange your inside.
You swallowed hard as your palm slowly wrapped around him. Thor turned and looked at you with half-hooded eyes.
“Look how tiny your hand is. You can barely wrap your hand around me,” he said, biting his lower lips. “How is your cunt going to fit me, huh?” he asked.
“We’ll find out,” you said as he slowly pumped his shaft up and down. Your eyes are still glued on him, watching the way he inhaled through his nose. Thor spread his muscular thighs apart, giving you more room.
You hummed at the obvious invitation. Clearly, Thor wanted you to do as you please. He was willing to be used by you, and that just made your pussy throb even more.
A low, animalistic growl rumbled in his chest as his palm slid down to your ass. You could feel the tip of his digits prodding at your entrance while the other was holding the base of his cock, slowly tapping the head against your cheek, urging you to open up.
You glared before your tongue darted out to lick the slit. His eyes gleamed as he grinned. A soft hiss slipped past your lips when he plunged his two fingers inside you.
“So tight for me, little dove. Are you sure you can fit me?” he asked again, but he didn’t let you answer. Instead, Thor grabbed the back of your head and shoved the fat tip right into your mouth. You could only answer with a muffled moan. “Your mouth can barely fit my cock. Come now, you can do better than this. Relax your jaw for me,” he mumbled as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of you.
Thor would praise you when you moaned into his dick. The vibration pleased him greatly that he had to stop himself from thinking about fucking your mouth. He needed to hold out because he wanted to fuck that sweet cunt of yours, so dripping and so warm. He could see himself staying there and burying himself till the morning came.
“Alright, little dove. Let's see if you can in fact fit me,” he mumbled before he gently pulled your mouth off of him. His eyes glimmered at the way your drool was dripping down your chin, and the way you wet his shaft so nicely.
You moved to straddle him again while he lined the head of his cock near your entrance. With both hands on his broad shoulders, you slowly sank down onto him, taking him inches by inches. You winced at the way he stretched you out. It felt like you were swallowing fire, only for it to feel like a never-ending mix of pleasure and pain.
Thor sucked in his breath. His hands were clutching the armrest for dear life as you swallowed him slowly. Every part of him felt like being choked and squeezed to the limit. He tried his hardest to not plunge into you then and there, splitting you open till he filled you up with his cum.
You could feel the way his muscles strained and corded at the effort of sitting still. He knew if he moved too soon, he would risk making you come too soon.
You bit your lips as you continued to glide slowly up and down his long shaft. He filled you too full and too much that was hard to even think. Your brain is filled with nothing but the feel of being stuffed by his cock. His heat and his hardness took your breath away every time you sank all the way down until your ass hit his thighs; the head of his cock struck deep, and the sound that slipped from your lips was nothing you ever thought you were capable of: raw and needy.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groaned, hands stroking your thighs as his back arched, pushing his muscular chest against yours. You mewled at the way your hard nipples brushed against his hard chest. His calloused hands were still on your ass, holding you and guiding you when your movement got too clumsy.
Occasionally, he would help lift you up when your thighs gave out, sheathing you all the way down before lifting you up again with little effort.
“Shh, it’s ok,” he cooed when your thighs gave out entirely. Your body slumped forward, legs shaking. His rough fingers stroked your spine, murmuring sweet nothing. “I’ll give it to you. Let me take care of you, little dove.”
Thor lifted you up as he pushed his hips upward, stroking you with breathless thrust. His name slipped from your lips as you buried your face in his neck. Fire and pleasure licked your inside every time he hit that one spot again, making your breath hitched in your throat.
He lowered you again before lifting you up, fucking you upward into your greedy hole. The squelching sounds filled the room along with your panting and mewling. His chest rose and fell against your breasts, eliciting a new kind of pleasure.
“How’s that feel?” he panted as he held your hips in place. He could feel you close to falling apart in his arms as he began thrusting with determination. He was relentless, withdrawing himself all the way out before plunging balls deep inside you.
“So good, baby. So fucking good,” you sobbed. You tried very hard to hold on to his shoulders–just something to brace yourself for the slap of his hips against yours. He felt too good and you were more than ready to be ripped apart by your orgasms and Thor could feel it too.
“Come for me, sweet dove,” he spoke through his gritted teeth as he brutally thrust into you as he wrapped an arm around your waist, and pulled you flushed against his body. “Let me feel you squeeze my cock.”
You came with a loud shout. Your body spasmed as rapture ripped through you with a white-hot release. The rippling wave of your orgasms washed over you. Your pussy was practically squeezing his thick cock, milking him till he couldn’t help but moan.
Thor was still fucking you, using you so he could reach his own release too. He easily flipped you over. His large body covered yours while he drove his hips in and out of you with vigor. Each thrust sent your body forward while you laid there, too paralyzed from the afterglow of your orgasms.
Thor hauled your legs upward, hands pulling you back to meet his thrust. He was so impossibly deep that every time he pulled back, no noise came out of you.
His lips pulled back into a snarl. His nostrils flared, and fingers dug into your skin as his release exploded, filling you up with nothing but his sticky, white cum. His body strained above you as he crushed you to his chest. If you weren’t too cock drunk already, you could have sworn you heard a crack of thunder outside.
You didn’t know how long both of you stayed there. The soft panting and heavy breathing filled the silence as the rain began to slowly pour outside. Perspiration dampened his forehead. His golden lock stuck to his neck and he pulled back to look at you. Adoration filled his gaze as his lips moved to brush against your cheeks.
You were still warm and feverish from one hell of orgasm he just gave you. “I’m scared if you pull out now,” you mumbled, nuzzling his neck. You could feel his dick soften inside you.
Thor chuckled. “Why so?”
“Well, you did come inside me…and like you came a lot, Thor.”
“And?”
“This couch is very expensive…if you pull out now, your cum will get everywhere. Like everywhere.”
Thor chuckled. “You are so strange, little dove. Fine, if that’s worrying you, we shall go wash up.”
You barely have time to ask him when he easily picks you up, his dick still inside you while he easily walks to your bathroom. His larger form dwarfed everything inside your apartment.
With one arm still wrapped around you, Thor turned on the shower. You moaned at the way the hot water felt against your skin. Slowly, he set you down and the moment he pulled out, you winced at the way his cum was dripping down your inner thighs. You shuddered slightly.
“Holy shit, Thor,” you mumbled as you looked up, he only flashed you a charming smile. His large hand was on the nape of your neck before he leaned in and kissed you. He was so soft and so gentle, a duality from earlier love-making sessions.
You could feel his cock slowly getting hard again, and your palm mindless found him once more.
“You’re going to kill me with your appetite,” you mumbled as he stroked him. Thor rested his chin on your head. You could feel his heart hammering in his chest as his cock slowly came to life once again.
“Killing you is the last thing on my mind,” he murmured before he picked you up and wrapped your legs around his taut waist. Thor pressed your back against the shower wall as he slowly ground his hips against your aching cunt. Every part of you came alive as fire flowed in your veins.
Once again, you found your pussy throbbing and pulsating when he just filled you up not too long ago. The hot water didn’t help either when all you wanted was to be fucked hard and rough.
You and Thor moaned in unison when he entered you swiftly, thrusting inside you with intent. He wasn’t being careful anymore as he crushed you against his large body. You were groaning with desperation as your arms wrapped around his neck. Incoherent moaning filled the bathroom as hot water splashed against his back. It wasn’t long till Thor pulled another orgasm out of you, making you slump in his arms. You felt spent and weak.
“Please, I can’t,” you pleaded with him. Thor only kissed your neck once more before he pulled himself out. “You killed me, Thor. How am I going to function now?”
“Please, this is just the beginning, little dove. I’m just getting started,” he winked and you knew you were in for a long weekend with the God of Thunder.
Meanwhile, at the party, Sam, Bucky, and Bruce clang their beer together with a knowing smile on their faces as another lightning struck out in the far distant sky. Scott once again was the only one that was oblivious.
“They fucked didn’t they?” Clint asked as he stared out at the floor-to-ceiling windows. It was practically pouring outside. The other three men nodded before taking another swig of their beer. “Good for them,” Clint said before he took a sip of his own drink. “Good for them.”
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