#The fact that he has a wife is so funny | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bumblingbabooshka · 1 month

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What I Say: I'm fine. What I Mean: There was a Star Trek Novel in which Tuvok and Jack Crusher (Beverely's Husband) have to go undercover in a bathhouse that they think is a brothel to get information out of a potential lead and because of a series of hijinks at one point must come to terms with the fact that they're definitely going to have to go into the boss's private room completely naked and might have to go even further than that to get the info they truly need. They were ready to go all in on that "I'm not gay but a mission's a mission" life.

Transcripts under the cut

[Image 1:

“We’re here to meet someone,” he said. “I was told that a Melacron named Pudris Barrh enjoyed visiting this establishment.” The alien smiled. “Oh, I see…you’re one of Barrh’s boys,” she remarked with a knowing lilt. Barrh’s boys? Crusher asked himself. What did she mean by that? He experienced a moment of alarm but kept his composure.

“If you can get past Old Scowly there,” the female continued, “you can join Barrh at his pleasures if you like." She raised a long slender arm and pointed to a gilded door to her right.] [Image 2:

“I don’t know for certain what kind of establishment this is,” said the commander, “but I can make a pretty good guess.”

“Unfortunately,” the Vulcan whispered back with sincere and undisguised revulsion, “so can I.”

"Still, we may have to go along with it.” Crusher regarded Tuvok. “Would that…pose a problem?” “Naturally,” the Vulcan replied.

The commander grunted. “I was afraid you would say that.”

“And knowing what I do of human marriage customs,” said Tuvok, “I would imagine it would pose a problem for you as well.”

Crusher looked lost “Maybe we could just play along for some of it…for the sake of-”

“My master will see you now,” said Old Scowly. He had reappeared before the Vulcan knew it. “You may enter through the changing room, remove your clothes, and join Pudris Barrh at his pleasures.”] [Image 3:

As it happened, Tuvok wasn’t happy either. If he didn’t know better, he would have said that the uncomfortable sensation in the pit of his stomach was apprehension. Of course, that was impossible. His control over his emotions was impeccable. And yet the sensation remained.

“There must be another way,” said Crusher. “There is no other way,” the Vulcan told him. “This is the situation in which your plan has placed us.” He knew his words sounded biting, but he didn’t wish any of them back.

The human ran his hands through his thick, dark hair. “Damn it,” he said, “If Beverely ever…” “Find out about this?” the ensign suggested.

Frowning, Crusher nodded. “But as you say, there’s no other option open to us. I guess we’ll just deal with whatever comes as best we can.” He grunted. “The things we do for king and country.”] [Image 4:

When the air cleared for a moment - a byproduct of their entrance - the Vulcan was able to get a better look at their host. He was rather corpulent for a Melacron, it seemed, and more pale-looking than most.

As thick, sludgy ripples made their slow way outward from Barrh’s generous torso, he waved to Tuvok and Crusher. “Please, gentlemen, join me. We’ve not met yet, but there are few better places to get to know someone than in The House of Comfort!”

[Crusher] and Tuvok exchanged a quick glance. Taking a deep breath, the human walked up to the carpeted stairs and placed first one foot, then the other, into the hot, liquid muck.

The ensign had little choice but to follow suit. He assured himself, as he sank up to his chest in the thick, surprisingly pleasant-smelling stuff, that there was realy no logical reason T’Pel ever had to become acquainted with this misadventure.

Besides, he reflected, there was quite a good chance that the majority of his and Crusher’s actions would be classified. He had to confess that he found some comfort in the prospect.]

Bonus:

Tuvok and Crusher apparently both go home and tell their wives about this experience. I don't know if we learn of T'Pel's reaction but Beverely apparently thinks its hilarious!

#novel experiences #TUVOK. HEY.#-POINTS-#HE CAN'T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS #Tuvok CANNOT keep getting into dubiously moral but incredibly gay scenarios he just can't I'm gonna start howling at the moon #The fact that he has a wife is so funny #GOD there was an old post I LOVED that was like #'I know Tuvok has a wife and kids and I'm so happy for him but he has sex with men.'#<- VERY paraphrased by me #st voyager #tng #Jack Crusher #Tuvok #st voy #star trek #Is he....you know? -gestures- One of Barrh's boys?#Crusher: We might have to suck this guy's dick Tuvok. / Tuvok: Tch.#I love that Tuvok's like 'he knew his words sounded harsh....and he meant it<3 He meant every syllable <3'#him being so devoted to his wife just makes the whole thing more lascivious /positive

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fumifooms · 2 months

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another detail for bugliker shuro: in the chapter 60 cover, his succubus is falin with insect wings & legs! a little reminiscent of laios's tbh...

Oh my god you’re RIGHT…

Even at the most mosquito-like we see them be in canon they only have wings and hair-like antennas, not this full fit with collar and extra legs… The wings don’t look the same… Oh my god Toshiro’s ideal is a bug wife

#Dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #toshiro nakamoto #shuro #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #i should make a tag for these quick posts…#Nature lover toshiro #You can argue the bug features were exaggerated for the monster showcase. Valid. But idkkkk guysssss….. 👀#Idkkk guys the wings look different….. Those aren’t mosquito-like 👀 if she’s his queen bee that’d be so cute- anyways getting ahead of myse #It’d be interesting to dive into the link Toshiro made between Falin and bugs prob stuff to dig into there… There’s that folk tale on it to #The fact that bug fu- EHEM lover Toshiro is has basis enough for this to even being an entertainable possibility is already so funny #I say bug wife but it being falin does really matter… If it’s just bc bugs are why he fell in love with her so it manifests that’s so…

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 5 months

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Results from the ‘Who is the tallest MDZS Character poll! Thank you all for voting!

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #nie mingjue #lan wunian #lan xichen #lan wangij #poll #Thank you all for showing up with your whimsy! I saw so many funny tags and messages! What a blast it has been!!!#Nie Mingjue was the distractor answer - word of god *does* say he's the tallest but...he *was* dismembered and beheaded.#It's still a grey area though! This was all for fun after all B*)#Jin Ling uses his hair as a little lasso. Good for night hunting and asserting dominance!#Not the tallest due to his hair gel getting stuck on his hands and reducing the height of his throw during the judging.#And yes- Poorly Drawn Jin Ling is ~4cm tall. Grab you rulers out an visualize that <3 My Friday Treat for you all.#Real feminism is the fact that all the men who won did so by technically cheating and the woman (horse) did it the honest way.#Real feminism is being a horse. Everyone better start getting on that. New Year's resolution. Horse time.#My apologies to the Jin Zixuan likers (lowest votes): He's a bit of a fail wife but that's okay.#I like to imagine that It's the ghost of JYL committing voter fraud to give him pity votes.#(It is still voter fraud if a ghost votes right? Has anyone looked into the legality of ghost voting?)#Much to think about....Hey speaking of the ghosts of women: See you all tomorrow for the new poll!

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dykeza · 1 year

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Ichigo being a stay at home dad who works online is so in character for him actually…… he’s the type of dad to enforce 1 hour of no screen time outside playing in the yard and/or playground. He texts Orihime goofy pictures of Kazui jumping around in some water fixture in the local park and carries him home soaked to the bone and shivering with the biggest smile on his face and then they eat ice cream and wait for Orihime to get home so they can have family game night.

#I cannot see how someone can dislike ichihime and their beloved baby boy #they’re so silly!!#honestly I think a lot of it comes from forgetting Ichigo isn’t Just his badassery and trauma and stubbornness #Ichigo is goofy and funny and likes playing games and has shown how genuinely warm and welcomed/welcoming he is around Hime #and a lot of the times when I see posts referencing how Orihime is bad for him or is like… a creep or whatever #I can’t help but notice that it just. doesn’t sound like Ichigo at all #Ichigo Kurosaki is full of love and compassion and he adores everything around him #he loves and honors even the most evil of people and recognizes others struggles even if he can’t relate #there isn’t a single thing about him that conveys this supposed dislike for Orihime or this discontent with his life #Ichigo is like. a happy person #he suffers and he endures so much and he keeps finding new ways to love and understand others #he fights so hard to be happy… so why can’t people except that maybe he is?#at some point you just have to accept that a character can be content #Ichigo is married to Orihime. he works from home. he adores his son and his wife and his family #and like. that’s okay? there doesn’t need to be some deep reason. you don’t need to try and drag even more character out of him #he has enough!!!!!! he has more than enough character to go around!!#please let Ichigo Kurosaki love his wife and his son… and also let Rukia do the same #I know I just now mention her but this tangent is directed towards the Weird ichirukis I see poking around on twt and tumblr #Rukia is happy with her husband!!! she likes Renji!!!! she likes him so much in fact that she married him and had a kid with him #Rukia and Ichigo both are very hardheaded characters and if they’re unhappy with their circumstances THEYLL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT #they’re not scared to be honest with themselves and others anymore!! they’re very vocal about their opinions if you haven’t noticed yet #some of the first things we learn about both of them is that they aren’t scared to speak their mind #I am fucking certain that if they happened to Not Want to end up with their respective spouses they would’ve just. not married them #idk what copium ichirukis that don’t like Renji and/or Orihime are smoking I really don’t #you love these characters so much and yet you discredit one of their most recognizable traits!!! their readiness to DO WHAT THEY WANT!!!!!!#they’ve proven time and time again thag they do whatever they want within reason #there is not a possible universe where either of these characters would sit quietly and let themselves be unhappy for the sake of the others #because they’ve learned. and they’ve grown. and they trust Renji/Orihime enough to understand their decisions becuase it’s in the fucking—#—text how much they respect and trust them to understand their feelings #this ramble is too long I’ve reached 30 tags URASHIN CANON GOODNIHHT AMERICAAAAAAAAAAAA

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thehappiestgolucky · 1 year

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All doodles are good doodles :D I suggest Seer and Oculi ^_^

OUGHHH I HAVENT DRAWN THEM IN SO LONGS ITS A C R I M E

#doodles #happy screms #hollow knight #hk seer #oculi #oc x canon #babykoth #he gets a lil appearance #ughhh i love them. moth parents. soft. loved each other so much. should’ve gotten to both be old together-#ironically i don’t have a gijinka design for oculi which is a s h a m e #he’d be fawning over the fact his wife got to live a long healthy life and the wrinkles would be blessed proof 😭#but NO this twink REFUSES to manifest a gijinka design #also the easiest way to think of markoth have the colours he does is to think he’s like a shiny pokemon lmfao #(it’s probably grandparents genes but shhh. the shiny pokemon is a funny thought)#oculi is the guy to loudly yell ‘WIFEY’ and be playfully miffed if one person doesn’t at least look at his wife #i NEED to draw them more i NEED to draw oculi with the rest of teh bugs #i need to doodle the bugs realising markoth has a dad that’s went a lil loopy after being a ghost for so long

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floorpancakes · 10 months

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hi yeah its me im thinking about this fucking scene again

#sarazanmai #mabu is my crazy frog wife #the fact that this teenager who ran away from home was offered his delicious husband treats makes him so mad its so funny #yes mabu has to strip to cook hes a little bit quirky like that #his facial expressions....my crazy wife he is so beautiful #non floor pancakes not to be confused with the floor pancakes #hes so pushy and fussy like a rabbit....#sweets being mabus love language is so cute actually #i say knowing it literally rips your heart out in the anime that that is so #reo is so lovely #his surprised shark mouth....moe #doing that thing where i mabupost to intrigue holic enjoyers because they have room in their heart for another glasses wearing chef twink

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smol-tired-binch-blog · 9 months

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Both meow meows at once Nishiki and Majima for blorbo bingo

:D So to make things simpler, I indeed answered both at once. Purple is for both, blue is for Nishiki, pink is for Majima.

Can You Tell I'm Not Normal About Them?

#smol responds #akira nishikiyama #goro majima #i worry im being mean with the 'most fandom takes are incorrect' one and i HAVE seen Bad Nishiki Takes #but like i see too many people calling Majima gross or acting like he's genuinely batshit. like the Mad Dog is all he is/who he TRULY is #and idk man he's a Bit More Complex Than That yknow? and i dont put him under the 'has done nothing wrong (is a war criminal)#because a) maybe DONT hit your wife? and b) somehow he's like Kiryu in that he hasnt killed anyone (by that i mean he Definitely Has #but 0 is all about the *weight* of taking another life so yknow what i'll accept it). whereas Nishiki commits several murders onscreen #but the fact is i simply think they were all justified cfgvbhjnkgfvhbjn this Kiwami replay has made me worse #which is why i'd make HIM worse i would encourage the killings #because i would start violently making out with him every time i saw him covered in blood #also whilst your here i went through my 'smol plays yakuza' tag the other day #and i find it funny how my first post about Y0 aka the game about Majima (yknow my wifey and reason for being here) do you know #what my first post about the game is? talking about how pretty Nishiki is. that was it man gfvbhjnkmghbjnkl i was doomed from then #god i love my boys so much i miss them every day

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loveandthings11 · 2 years

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HONESTLY:

#I think you’re funny Ken #the fact that these jokes are never quoted is so succ in real life lol #I'm sorry but that scene with Lisa makes me laugh harder than anything else in the show #the way he deadpans that is perfect #everyone thinks he's lost it at the party but the one of him is so deliciously self-aware #social visionary #the news was greeted by spontaneous outpourings of cheering applause and public nudity #wife of tom wambsgans #failed sibling #also who is Dorothy Bell because you know that has some kind of significance #maybe in the writers room?#kendall roy #succession #sa tw

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muu-kun · 11 months

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Speaking of fashion, I will eventually have the appropriate amount of time to dedicate myself to a proper attire headcanon post. For now, I only have examples for silhouettes pertaining to dresses gathered. Which at this point can ultimately be narrowed down in explanation as Muu holding preference for a bodice that does not require even just a modest breast size.

Although he does wear bralettes (which is not out of gender dysphoria or euphoria on any account actually. Instead, it is more so like a running joke with himself at this point due to the fact he's actually had an infatuation with wearing them since he was a sixteen year old boy that found a bra lying in the street) he doesn't do so with the intent of applying padding to them-- especially when considering the fact he has some minor gynaecomastia due to stubbornly persistent baby fat going on. He can deal with those, but he definitely doesn't want to even so much as imply he has "real breasts."

He also isn't one to gravitate towards those built around the necessity for breasts due to the fact that he does not wish for the attire adorning his body to appear as though something (or somethings) is missing. Which is also the given reason why even in his decision to wear what is considered women's underwear underneath the dresses similar to above, he does not engage in the act of tucking. Yes, that does come within treacherous territory per the fact that he is then advertising himself as a flamboyantly youthful individual with an occasionally visible (and not incredibly well endowed, mind you) genitalia outline in his attire. That's not even to mention the detectability of his disabilities on establishing conversation with him.

Beyond that, he's not too partial to much else. Length and material is otherwise irrelevant as long as he can freely move within it to accommodate an in-between active and sedentary lifestyle. He would also best appreciate those that are not overwhelming to the senses in one manner or another-- this includes itchiness, heaviness, lack of breathability, and so on. Textures usually aren't too worrisome to him, however, as he has been raiding the closet of his female friends (such as Hannah of @kannojo predominantly) for years, so by now he knows what he does and doesn't like with enough ease that even unexpectedly finding something is unappealing to him van be easily remedied without any fit.

The bottom line with all of this is while Muu strictly wears what is primarily marketed as women's clothing, he does not do so out of the desire to be a woman. In fact, he's asked that question within himself many times only to come up with the same conclusion each time: He is simply an aged up boy caught up in having to navigate too many things at once, therefore eccentricities intended to lighten his load have transpired. Being that 99% of abusers have been men throughout the years, and women his sanctuary from them, it became sensible at some point for him to cease one struggle for favor of mirroring his safety while he sources through another. Muu has no idea even how to be a person yet, let alone a gendered one.

That is also not to say he wishes to abolish entirely in favor of utilizing they/them pronouns. In fact, it still remains quite the opposite. At this time in his life, he's not looking to be othered more than he always has acquired for himself. Being gridlocked into a perpetual state of regression in his present has been isolating enough as is that he doesn't wish for more beyond that. It also has intriguingly been almost beneficial in keeping some of his identity centered, though, as being so interwoven with his inner teen provides connection with the perspective of character held back then.

When he was sixteen, he was very self assured in nearly all aspects in life until led to second guessing the bulk of them. Of those is one of which where he was well adamant that he was a boy with a preference for he/him pronouns to demonstrate that. And while he's been able to find appreciation for femininity that he'd have otherwise mocked in his youth, that is as far as it goes for the time being. Working beyond the semantics of that just isn't on the table at this time in his life.

Where he might go with it during Pride Month is still up to him, but, really, his focus is far more centered on fulfilling and answering other aspects of his person at this time. Generalized comfort and safety are of the utmost importance to his emotionally led manner of living. Once that is established, whether or not he opts for reintroducing what is considered men's attire back into his wardrobe is completely up in the air.

#; ♡ ; headcanons #muu doesn't even necessarily actively consider himself nonbinary due to the fact that he's open to the possibility #that he will feel centered in his identity as a man just as he was with boyhood once he is no longer Terrified to exist as is #identifying as genderflux in some aspect is definitely a cluch for him in regards to #when you've heard from people your whole life that you are not a man for aspects relating to maturity and physical appearance #you eventually may find yourself going I'm not a man maybe!! Out of safety and hopefulness that doing so might make people be kind to you #socially he definitely feels abandoned by masculinity and blocked out of spaces by his peers #but being a woman has never fit right in his head either as he genuinely knows he does not Want to be one #what he wants to feel included and wanted with so the bulk of muses who've so far made him feel that way are women #and only really a couple men at best with fran at the top of the list #women wise he has neff who he has commented even himself to be the only person not including his canon wife #to love him unconditionally #and suki who after one stint or another involving sully and calix was the only person to ask him how he was feeling #I'm also including lyla per the fact that she is one of few he can be fun and funny with which may not sound like a lot #but when you carry the burden of holding a notoriety for being melancholic it is actually really an act of kindness #to be considered something other than that even just once because he did used to be very cheeky back in the day #nowadays he just spends so much time worrying about what characteristics of himself must be so grotesque to others around him #that he's lost the ability to even breathe too loud around another person let alone take up space and time beyond that #which is actually why I find it very fitting he wears women's clothing because which section of the binary has gone centuries being told #to stay out of sight and out of mind for their own safety ??#not to mention the fact that can one really be too surprised that someone deeply in need of nurturing spaces #would then decide to dress like a woman because of the connection with motherhood #being that moms are usually the poster parent for unconditional love which is a whole mixed bag I'm not getting into today #nonetheless the bottom line is still that muu does not identify as either transgender transsexual or even as a crossdresser as #none feel applicable to him at this time and instead he's solid in being people's eccentric friend who happens to be #both feminine and jovial and most Definitely sensitive all while he figures out all else beyond that

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starlit-mansion · 11 months

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i am overall glad that i left comedy nerd spaces (esp since i got out while the getting was still good and i didn't have to hear other people make their bad jokes about the various creeps ousted from their thrones with credible accusations of sexual misconduct), but i do sort of mourn that an entire swath of my foundational nerd knowledge is rendered useless by exclusively staying in a space that thought john mulaney was a wholesome friendly good guy for three years until he eventually displeased them

#this post is not really about john though i do have more to say. because i knew about him before he was tumblr popular #and i did always think it was weird that no one went any deeper than the memetic stuff #i didn't want to go knocking on doors asking for the devil but it was. odd. and i liked other people from the chicago alt scene more #i'm just saying that overall being a person who has ever liked and cared about comedy who lives on fandom tumblr can be baffling #because people have the wildest takes about what comedy should be and what is funny #and they are wrong. because funny isn't always punching up. and funny breaks any rule you try to box it into #and it cuts into the vulnerable just as much as the powerful and to pretend otherwise is foolish #i'm not sure where i'm going with this. i'm just saying words recreationally #one thing my partner and i bond over is a deep fascination and love for standup comedy and the power of cadence #and when you like comedy more than casually you have to deal with the fact that it's the doing drugs and cheating on your wife artform #it's the depression and untreated adhd and autism art form. it's the suicide art form. and even when it's transcendent it's fuckin silly #so i find it easier to just pretend that i don't really care about it #but really i just shifted to being passionate about commentary youtubers (the stand up comedians of youchewb)

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badwatervideos2009 · 2 years

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Either one, but the Jeff lore sounds neat!

i think that the most important canon jeff lore i could possibly give to you is the fact that jeff and liu live on a farm in ohio togather with liu's 3 kids and haven't killed a single person since 2017. this sounds so made up but it genuinely isn't

#another interesting jeff fact for you. he's tormented by a demon called The Hat Man. and also the hat man's real name is Angus #he's also being hunted by a bounty hunter because he killed the dude's parents when he was younger so that's a thing #creepypasta #instead of killing for the fuck of it in this story jeff apparently kills people he deems evil or corrupt.#but it's funny because sometimes he actually does just kill people for the fuck of it. he's quirky like that i guess #i was going 2 write out more but i genuinely cannot think of a way 2 word any of it #uh. hm. what are some horrid facts i can give you that aren't super complicated.#jeff is addicted to hard drugs. this is an important part of his lore apparently #all of liu's kids come from different moms. this man Fucks. also his wife is dead #jeff and liu are italian-american and from new jersey which isn't important in the slightest i just think about sometimes #jeff faked his own death and 'jeff the killer' is an actual urban legend in his own universe.#liu. has ptsd and is said to hate himself PLEASE get therapy sir............#ask #anon #brody.txt

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heartmix · 28 days

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Simon Riley Headcanons

random headcanons that i have of olderbf!Simon.

Olderbf!Simon who sees you stressing about the way the economy is shit and everything is so expensive.

Olderbf!Simon who rolls his eyes knowing his years of savings and his income will make you and the next generation live comfortably. Why did you even go to college? There was nothing or no one else to spend it on anyways.

Olderbf!Simon who loves that you don't want to work a regular 9-5 or that you don't want to work a regular job in general. You instead have side gigs when you're bored. Your friend needed an extra pair of hands for a work assignment? Sure. Once a month event staff for whatever concert is in town? You love that.

Olderbf!Simon who watches the silly tiktoks and mini vlogs you make while he is away. He doesn't actually have tiktok downloaded but you always send him the videos you make.

Olderbf!Simon who agrees to do one of the tiktok trends with you. The one where it goes "I'm a ____ of course I ______." You didn't need to tell him how it worked. You showed him one video and he understood the assignment.

"I'm a Military wife. Of course, my husband has a side piece."

"I will literally k*ll myself before I look at another woman."

"It was a joke."

"Not a funny one, love."

Olderbf!Simon who is used to your hyperfixations changing every month. His "office" is filled with trinkets and collectibles of your newest obsessions. As a matter of fact, the whole apartment is filled with your stuff. At this point, you'll need to make new storage or get rid of things.

"I think I may have a problem or adhd. Some sort of mental illness."

"I think it's time to get a house."

Olderbf!Simon who lets you pick everything. The only thing he did was give the money. As long as you're happy he didn't care where he lived or what the colors of the bathroom walls were.

#simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley headcanons #olderbf!simon #cod x reader #cod headcanons #simon ghost x reader

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cadaverjuices · 10 months

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not beating the science lover allegations.

some scientists are whores. some scientists are incels.

some scientists are volcels.

some scientists should NEVER be allowed to breed.

ocs, in order of appearance top to bottom, left to right;

teddy [he/him], leporid [they/them], adelaide [he/him], steingrímur [he/him]

tomek [he/they], francis [he/him], physician [they/it]

elouan [he/him], physician [again, they/it], teddy [again, he/him], lament [he/him]

#digital art #ms paint #oc art #ocs #comic #art #scientist ocs #scientist oc #yes elouan is missing an eye #his wife [gender neutral. instills terror within] was hungry ok so they snacked a little on the wet rag of a man #probably didnt even taste good that thing [elouan] can NOT taste good. hes so. ugh i hate him #sorry for hating my ocs on main #its funny to me #lament is lying btw he will kiss his partners again #lament 🤝 teddy. “not fucking that” <- definently fucks that #thats a reference to a previous post where teddys transmasc penis explcodbeiwienrnsnwkq9i2h29wjwi #its funny because teddy and adelaide are super similar they r inspired by the same song after all #but one of them fucks. a lot. and the other has probably only seen a genital in visions and delusions gifted upon him by a higher power #this might be influenced by the fact one of them has a living partner and is in a populated spot.#hashtag polyamoury or whatever he fucks more thsn just his partner #and the other is stuck underground in hell cleaning up corpses as he tries to revive his dead partner #so adelaide may be a little preoccupied with his gay mentally ill ass mission of reviving his dead partner #because he just refuses to accept they died centuries ago #they both have girlish whimsy but in different ways #one is autism and ambulatory wheelchair usage #the other is psychosis. and autism i guess #oh yeah please appreciate tomek hes new around these parts #but his own girlish whimsy is sure to outmatch the others. him when his only friends for 7 years have been his ladies [the 300 rats]

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bellatrixscurls · 8 months

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exquisite weather today, no? | part i

warnings : smut, dom anthony and sub reader, pet names, fluff, ben and colin being little shits, reader is kind of naive given the action takes places sometime in the 1810s.

summary : anthony does not want to corrupt his innocent little wife... but what happens when his brothers lend him a helping hand?

a/n: please enjoy part one of my new series until i am done with the james and sirius fic, thank you! <3

“You are telling me that you have not slept in that way with your wife?” Benedict stops in their way down the halls, looking very much concerned. Anthony hums, checking his clock.

“But you’ve been married for almost a year now!” the younger brother exclaims, looking up at the viscount with a frown.

Anthony smirks and looks at his brother from the corner of his eye. “Not that it is any of your concern, but we do things. Together. Alone” his lie is obvious, but still, he leaves Benedict stunned in the middle of the hallway.

When he finally realises that the maids are looking at him funny, Benedict clears his throat and offers them a polite nod, before following Anthony into the drawing room.

Ah, here you are — sitting next to Colin on one of the sofas. With Anthony distracted, speaking to Daphne about the ‘Hearts and Flowers’ ball, he approaches you carefully, sitting beside Colin.

“Exquisite weather today, isn’t it?” he gives you a nod and you mirror his action, smiling, “Indeed it is, Ben.”

Colin looks between the two of you, back and forth, a confused smile gracing his lips. “This is not about the weather, is it?” he whispers through gritted teeth.

Benedict’s smile turns into a grin when the words leave his brother’s mouth. “I am, in fact, glad that you asked, Colin!” he says happily, “I came here because I need some... advice, from Y/n.”

Raising your eyebrows, you look at him in curiosity, “and what could someone such as yourself need advice for?”

Benedict thinks about it for a moment; should he say it? He means no harm but... a little fun won’t hurt... will it?

“Sex” the words leave his mouth and Colin chokes on his tea, eyes wide as he looks back at Benedict. ‘Are you mad?’ he mouths to his brother, but the second-born chooses to ignore him and look back at you. “So. Y/n?”

Benedict finds you looking up at him with wide eyes, lips pursed as you tried to search for that word in your mind, but with no results. “I’m not quite sure what you mean, Ben.”

This time, it is Colin looking back at you, a deep frown settling on his face. “Pardon? Anthony is your husband, there is no such thing as not knowing what sex is.. Does he refer to it differently?”

“You know... when you’re alone, naked, and he towers over you. That thing he puts in between your legs” Benedict quips, already very much content of where Colin has taken the conversation.

“He towers over me?”

The two burst out laughing at your cluelessness and, from the other side of the large room, Anthony’s brows furrow in concern.

“His cock, sweetness. What he has between his legs. I’m sure he spoils the crap out of you with it every night” Benedict taunts and Colin laughs breathily, adding on “or maybe he does not, brother. Seeing that Anthony is so busy all the time. He has more important things to take care of, I suppose.”

At this point, your eyes are teary and your hands are shaking as you listen to your brothers-in-law tease you endlessly. You are not aware of the meaning behind it, though.

In a moment, you feel a hand wrap around your waist and pull you up against the warmth of someone’s body; Anthony. As you look up at him, his heart shatters and his jaw clenches. “I do not know what you did, but be sure that I will find out. And when I do, I hope you will be taking a walk far away from here. More walks.”

And with that, he takes you away from his brothers and rest of the family, not bothering to excuse himself or you, his face red with hatred. He doesn’t know what his brothers told you, but he is positive that it managed to hurt you... And Anthony cannot bare seeing you hurt.

His hand grips yours tightly, in a possessive manner, not hurting you. He is always gentle with you, no matter the circumstances.

Once you reach the wooden door, Anthony ushers you into the bedroom with a hand at the small of your back, following closely behind before he closes the door.

“What did they tell you, my love?” his tone is alarmed and so are his hands, twitching at his sides.

When your eyes finally meet his, they are still filled with tears, sadness pulling at your heart. “Am I a burden to you? Am I- not pretty enough?”

Anthony’s heart breaks and he realises that he’s never seen you so sad before, not even when you were merely a couple and you had family issues.

“Angel, you have to tell me what it is that they told you. I need to know” he repeats through gritted teeth, ready to walk down those stairs and strangle Benedict and Colin.

“Sex” you repeat Benedict’s words unsurely, glancing up at Anthony. “Told me you are too busy for that. And I- you have never told me of that.”

At this point, his hands fly to your waist and he positions you onto his lap, wrapping his arms around your lower body as he turns you to face him entirely. “My darling- They told you that? I-” he seems at a loss for words, and finally, his lips fall into a straight line and he lets go of your hand for a second, walking away from you, and to the floor mirror in his room. You pout as you lose his warmth, and your brows furrow when you notice him pulling the mirror towards you.

He takes his hand in yours and he helps you to your feet, your bottom lip wobbling when you catch sight of your teary eyes, but Anthony notices immediately, and his hands move to hug you from behind, his chin resting on your shoulder.

“You are so beautiful” he says softly, placing a kiss on the side of your neck, nosing at your skin as he continues speaking, “Undress for me, my love.”

Breathing having picked up, your eyes widen anxiously as your hands find his. “Anthony-” “I want to show you how good I can make you feel. Trust me. Please” he pleads, his eyes looking helplessly into yours. You give a curt nod, your heart pounding against your ribcage.

Your shaky hands move to undress yourself and Anthony helps peel off your dress and chemise, leaving you bare and vulnerable before him.

Anthony lets out one of the most obscene sounds when he presses his clothed body to your bare one, and you can feel his erection pressing into your backside, not that you are aware of what that is. Yet.

“Your hand. Move it down your body” he commands rather softly, watching you through the mirror. Your cheeks heat up but you obey nonetheless, your left hand stopping right above your lower stomach, “Lower. Touch your pussy for me, sweetheart.”

“Alright” you take a deep breath, your hand sliding further down your body, resting at your cunt, your warm touch making you shiver. “Feels odd” you whine, eyes pleading as you find his eyes through the mirror.

He bites his lip, his eyes closing for a moment before he is able to look at you again. “It shall feel good in just a moment... Can- Do you want me to show you?”

“Yes, please” you whisper and his hand instantly reaches to your cunt, using both of his hands to spread you open, your folds damp and spread out for him. “S’pretty” you say absentmindedly, dreamily staring at yourself in the mirror.

“Yes it is” he hums, grinning widely against your shoulder. His middle finger taps your clit twice, and he smirks as your body jolts up. “See this, darling? It’s your clit, your little button... You can rub it whenever you wish to feel good.”

“Whenever I wish?” you ask, your eyes wide with curiosity.

“Yes, sweetness” he hums, his cock hardening at the thought of you wanting to touch yourself, let alone to the thought of him. “And if you want it to feel even better, you must-” with your hole dripping wet, Anthony manages to slip a digit right inside of you, causing you to gasp in both slight pain and excitement. He is finally giving it to you.

“Anthony- what is this?” you ask curiously, Anthony’s finger still inside of you, leaving you to adjust to the sudden intrusion.

“Bit of stimulation before I can give you my cock, bunny. Or, as my dear brothers wish to call it, have sex” he chuckles lowly and starts pumping his finger into you, your fragile body shaking, your knees ready to give out, but you know that he is here to catch you.

“Great” you reply breathily, one of your hands slipping into his.

“You must relax, my love” he tuts, moving his finger in and out slowly, the feeling leaving you bucking your hips into his hand, eyes rolling back. “Let them enjoy the show” he eyes you intently through the mirror.

You look at him rather confused, but his other hand moves to cup your jaw and gently turn your head to the side, towards the door.

A door cracked open. Benedict and Colin.

#anthony bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #colin bridgerton #anthony bridgerton smut #anthony bridgerton x reader #benedict bridgerton x reader #colin bridgerton x reader #bridgerton smut #bridgerton fanfiction

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honnelander · 8 months

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go fish! part 3

here we are everyone! we made it guys! the much anticipated part 3 of the go fish! mutual pining series!! i cannot express enough how much this series means to me and that i am constantly blown away with how much you all love it too. it amazes me every day. i hope this lives up to the hype and that you all love it. and don't worry, there will be a part 4! disclaimer: i tried tagging everyone that had asked but a few users don't come up when i try tagging them, so i'm sorry :(

WARNINGS: none

word count: 4k

pairing: opla!sanji x jealous!reader

summary: reader sees Sanji get cozy at the bar with someone else and you get jealous as hell. Zoro sees the whole thing.

prequel part 1 part 2 part 4 masterlist

taglist: @mischiefmanaged71 @smolracoon25 @smol-book-nerd @shuujin @amanda08319 @nimtano @your-platonic-gay-lover @lovelymrvl @whiskeypowder @jovialcat123 @xtigerlily @shadowwolf1864 @quixscentsposts @guidingstarsstuff @ateliefloresdaprimavera @chexmixtrys @princettecharlie @amitydoodlez @the-maladaptive-daydreamers @abracarabbit @commanderfreethatdust @lordbugs @sweet-little-nothings @geisterfvhrer @kenkenmaaa @dazaisfavgf @fan-goddess @shadydeanmuffin @cherrypie5 @sauceonmyshorts @hhighkey @gimmebackmyskeeball @he4vens-ang3l @selcouthaesthetics @sapphireonline @dory-98 @redskull199987 @teenyforestfairy @acupnoodle

It really shouldn’t bother you...but it did. You couldn’t help yourself. Sanji wasn’t even yours, he never would be, and yet...you couldn’t help the wave of jealousy and annoyance that crashed over you every time he would be a little too friendly with other women. (At least, too friendly by your standards and, of course, you thought your standards were pretty reasonable.)

But Sanji wasn’t even yours (he never would be). You weren’t his wife or his girlfriend, hell, you were only just crewmates to each other, so there really should be no reason why you felt as angry and jealous as you did.

That still didn’t stop you, however. In fact, it just enraged you even more and you didn’t know why.

It was just a stupid crush you had on him, right? So why did it bother you so much when he would cast that perfect smile of his towards someone else? When he would wink at another woman and say some suave innuendo that he would never say to you? Or even touch their shoulders or give a hug to someone else when he’s never even touched or grazed your arm or shoulder by accident before?

“If you stare any harder at that glass, it’s going to shatter from all the daggers you’re giving it.”

You blinked, looking up from the drink in your hand and to the left, only to see an ever calm and nonchalant Zoro take a swing of his beer, keeping his gaze towards the bustling nightclub/bar you all were currently visiting.

It’d been a couple of weeks of straight sailing on the open ocean and everyone on board was going a little stir crazy, even the ever-happy-go-lucky Luffy. So, when the Going Merry’s captain had smelled a whiff of food in the air midafternoon up on the masthead that wasn’t Sanji’s doing, everyone had collectively decided to follow Luffy’s nose and see what lied ahead.

After a half hour of sailing, you all had stumbled across another ship-like restaurant that, admittedly, even looked better than the Baratie. So, it was an easy decision for the crew to decide to dock there for a couple of hours and give Sanji the night off from making dinner, much to the chef’s annoyance.

But it had all turned out to be the right decision in the end, apparently, since Sanji had made a point to visit the kitchen and give his compliments to the chef.

Now, all of the straw hats had made it to the outdoor bar area to ‘drink the night away’, as Usopp had so jovially put it, and you’ve been here ever since.

“Ha ha,” you deadpanned, looking back at the nearly full drink you had in your hand. “Very funny Zoro. You know, you should quit piracy and be a standup comedian.”

Your green-haired crewmate turned his face to you with an unamused expression. “You’ve been nursing that drink all night.” He arched an eyebrow. “You ok?”

At that question, your eyes immediately went to Sanji, who had been at the bar for a majority of the evening, chatting with the bartender but, of course, as if on cue, another gorgeous girl slinked right up to him, batting her eyelashes and ever so casually rested her hand on his bicep, sliding it all the way down to his forearm as she giggled at something the chef said.

Sanji, on the other hand, flashed the new woman, the tenth this evening at least, you thought sourly, one of his dazzling white smiles, leaning forward slightly as if he was telling her some sort of inside joke, causing her to laugh louder and place her other hand on top of his. Sanji’s smile only grew wider.

You couldn’t help the stab of pain your heart felt at the sight.

“Never better,” you replied to Zoro bitterly as you quickly downed your drink.

His gaze didn’t budge. “You don’t look fine.”

“Yeah, thanks for pointing that out Captain Obvious,” you quipped sarcastically under your breath, stealing another glance at the object of your affections. He was still chatting with that other woman, and you couldn’t help letting out a small breath as you felt the familiar sting of jealously deep within your chest.

God, it hurt. It hurt so goddamn badly, and you didn’t know why.

Zoro followed your line of sight and when he saw the Going Merry’s cook at the end of it, he hummed to himself, hiding his sly smirk behind his beer as he looked back at you. “Sounds like you need another drink then.”

“I guess so,” you sighed, sitting up and leaning over to grab the bottle of liquor that sat in the middle of your small table to refill your glass when Zoro stopped you.

“Nuh-uh,” the green-haired swordsman said as he put the heel of his boot on the table to block off your reaching hand. “If you want a refill, then you have to go to the bar,” he explained, nodding his head towards the bar, and, coincidently, Sanji. “This bottle is mine.”

“What?? Aw come on Zoro,” you whined. “I don’t want to go over there.”

“Oh? Any particular reason why not?”

It must’ve been the liquor, because you could’ve sworn you heard a knowing tone laced in his voice but when you looked at your friend, he looked as nonchalant as ever. Maybe you were imagining things.

“No,” you lied, your cheeks heating up slightly.

“Good,” Zoro said, taking a long swing of his beer, finishing it up and slamming the empty bottle on the glass tabletop lightly. “Then when you’re up there, get me another beer.” You opened your mouth to protest again but Zoro spoke before you could. “Since, you said there’s no problem.”

Shit. You were backed into a corner. And the only way out was to go up to the bar and be face-to-face with Sanji.

You looked back towards the crowded bar and felt another wave of emotion come over you. But these feelings were hard to discern. The pair was still talking at the bar, the woman still being a little too touchy towards him for your taste. You sighed slightly. Maybe when you got over there, he would just ignore you, since he was so engrossed in conversation it seemed. Part of you didn’t know if you wanted that wish to come true or not.

“Alright- fuck it, whatever,” you grumbled as you snatched your empty glass and made your way to the bar, leaving a smug Zoro alone.

As you made your way across the small dance floor and towards the bar, you felt your heart fill with dread with every step you took. You prayed to whatever God was out there that Sanji didn’t notice you but, of course, when you neared the bar, you noticed that the only open spot was behind him.

How fucking perfect.

“One beer and a refill please,” you quickly ordered, handing over your empty glass to the bartender.

“Y/n?”

Your heart clenched at hearing Sanji’s voice. Why did you think, for even a moment, that Sanji would ever ignore you? The man seemed to always notice you no matter what, even when no one else did, so why would he ignore you now?

But you couldn’t look at him. “Oh, hey,” you quickly greeted.

Sanji, however, didn’t miss a beat. “I didn’t think you were a big drinker,” he commented curiously, turning his body fully to face you, leaning against the bar, and unintentionally removing the woman’s grip on his arm.

“I’m not,” you answered, casting a quick glance up at him.

The blonde chef blinked in confusion, his brows pulled together slightly, but before he could question you further, his ‘date’ for the evening quickly made her presence known.

“Sanji?” the woman called out sweetly, stepping to the cook’s right, placing her hand on his right bicep and the other on his shoulder as she looked up at him with a coy smile. When she looked down at you, however, you could see the look in her eye that was anything but sweet. “Who is this? I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” she commented, tilting her head in fake misunderstanding.

Immediately, both you and Sanji straightened up, shaking your heads quickly.

“No, no, she’s not my girlfriend-”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you both denied simultaneously.

You quickly looked away from them, hoping to hide the rush of embarrassment that crashed over you and, to be honest, the sting of his quick rejection. It was just another reminder, you thought bitterly, that even though Sanji always acted like a complete gentleman towards you, you weren’t his girlfriend. He was just being nice, like always, and he would never like you how you liked him.

You looked down at your hands, quiet for a moment as you knocked a knuckle against the bar top. “No,” you said after a beat. “We’re not dating.”

The woman blinked, clearly unfazed by your admission, like she expected nothing less. She still had a fake look of curiosity on her pretty face. “Oh, right! Of course not,” she laughed slightly, in a way that made you feel small. “You must be one of the straw-caps then, right?”

“It’s straw-hats, actually,” you bit back, straightening up and turning to face this jerk of a woman, chin up high, sending her what you hoped was one of your meanest stares. This girl could be mean to you all day if she wanted to, you didn’t care, but you’d rather drop dead than to ever let her bad mouth Luffy and the wonderful pirate crew he put together. “And yes, I am one of them. I’m a pirate,” you stated proudly.

Sanji must’ve been drunk or stupid, because he didn’t seem to pick up on this girl’s bad energy. “Don’t you remember, darling,” he started, sending the girl a small smile, “I was telling you about my crewmates?”

“OH right!” She hit her head in an exaggerated manner. “I remember now, pookie. You said there were two girls on your crew, an orange-haired map girl and another one...” she trailed off, tapping her pointer finger on her chin like she was deep in thought. “Oh!” she exclaimed brightly and looked down at you, her smile sweet as candy but her words as sharp as a razor. “You must be the potato girl!”

Whatever air of pseudo-confidence you had was immediately snuffed, her words quickly cutting you down to size. “The- the what?”

“Yeah, don’t you like potatoes or something?” she laughed, acting like it was the stupidest thing she’d ever heard.

And to her credit? It definitely sounded stupid if you didn’t know the context behind the story. You swallowed the lump in your throat, trying to fight the urge to either cry or deck this girl in the jaw over her making fun of such a special moment between you and Sanji.

You opened your mouth, ready to shut her shit down when she beat you to it. The next words out of her mouth immediately sucked the air out of your lungs.

“Or is just because you look like a potato?” she asked, laughing her about ass off as she lightly hit Sanji in the chest, keeping her hand there, expecting him to laugh along with her but Sanji just stiffened at her side.

You, however, were too busy keeping your breathing under control and trying your hardest not to cry to notice Sanji’s reaction, or lack of. You could feel red hot shame bloom across your chest, the heat crawling up your neck and flushing your face as you looked down at the floor.

Normally, another girl calling you ugly would sting, sure, but not cause you to literally break down in tears on the spot. So why now? Deep down, though, you knew exactly why. It was because of Sanji. She had literally called you ugly in front of Sanji, the person you had a major forbidden crush on, and what if Sanji just laughed along and agreed with her? You didn’t know if you’d be able to handle it. If he did, you would have to quit the straw hats because there was no way you could ever look at him again.

Not wanting to wait and see what his reaction would be, you started shaking your head, ready to mutter up some lame excuse to get the hell out of there when you felt an arm snake around your waist and a warm body press against your side, pulling you against them.

“Now, Madam, I don’t think those are the right words to describe the most beautiful woman in all of the four seas now, is it?” a deep, familiar accented voice asked from above you.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you whipped your head up towards the voice with wide eyes, only to see the ever-beautiful Sanji look down at you with a small, soft smile, his eyes full of wonder and another emotion you couldn’t decipher, as you felt his thumb rub small, comforting circles on your right hip.

His look and touch sent shivers down your spine, and you couldn’t tell if he was acting or not. Your heart hammered in your ribcage as you searched his eyes for a lie, but all you could find was the truth, strong and unwavering, staring right back at you.

“I said: is it?” Sanji repeated himself, tearing his eyes away from you, looking straight on at this awful woman with his eyebrows raised slightly, like he was daring her to say something else.

Clearly not expecting Sanji to rebuke her as blatantly as he did, the woman started sputtering. “Well, I- I didn’t mean it like that, Sanji-bear, really-”

The blonde man raised his left hand in the air, immediately silencing her. “Yeah, I gotta be honest- I highly doubt that, sweetheart.”

At his condescending tone, you saw the woman bristle and nearly foam at the mouth, her eyes nearly popping out of their sockets. She huffed, looking back and forth between you both for a moment before scoffing and shaking her head in disbelief, saying, “I knew it. I fucking knew it.” She looked Sanji dead in the eyes, glancing at you, her eyes filled with hatred, before taking a step closer to Sanji, filling in the gap between them, as she whispered something into his left ear before stalking off and leaving the bar without another glance.

You quickly looked up at Sanji as she was whispering into his ear, confusion apparent in all of your features. Whatever she said to him, you couldn’t hear since they were both taller than you and the woman wore the highest heels you’ve ever seen, but whatever words she had spoken had left the chef completely stunned because you felt his body become rigid, the comforting circles his thumb was rubbing on your hip stopped, and you saw the muscles on his face freeze as he kept his stare straight ahead.

“Sanji?” you call hesitantly, instantly forgetting your own muddled emotions as you looked up to your heart’s desire. “Are you ok?”

At the sound of your voice, you felt him relax. He let out a little laugh (it sounded fake to you), as he looked down at you with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Of, of course. I am.” But as quickly as he looked at you, his attention was stolen by the bartender placing your order on the bar in front of you. “Thanks, man,” he called out, removing his arm from around you and stepping away to grab your drink order.

Instantly, you missed the warmth he provided. You felt cold all of a sudden.

You shook your head once, clearing your head of those thoughts. Now wasn’t the time to analyze things like that. “Sanji-”

“How are you feeling?” he asked with his back facing you, beating you to the punch. When he turned to face you, drinks in hand, any trace of inner turmoil was gone. His eyes, instead, showed concern for you. “You know you’re beautiful, right?” he asked softly, his eyes scanning your face before looking back into your eyes.

The look in his eyes nearly took your breath away. For a moment, you had completely forgotten what he was referring to. “Uh, w-what?”

He must’ve mistaken your confusion for disbelief because his next action nearly stopped your heart. “Oh, my love,” he started softly, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. He placed the drinks on the bar, freeing up his hands, and placed them on either side of your head, along your jawline, as his thumb rubbed your cheek soothingly, his fingers gently entangled in your hair. Sanji gently tilted your head upwards, so your eyes connected with his, and the look on his face was filled with such tenderness and radiated a warmth that touched your soul. His gorgeous, tanned face filled your entire field of view, and you could feel his minty breath fan your face.

When the hell did he get so close?

You felt your cheeks heating up at the proximity, your eyes tried to look at anything but his crystal-clear blue ones. Your brain was sure to short circuit if you didn’t get ahold of yourself. You were going to do something incredibly stupid if you didn’t get space immediately. “San-”

“Y/n,” he said, his tone soft yet commanding. “Look at me, love.”

Your heart rate skyrocketed and you felt your breathing quicken. God, you could feel yourself getting a panic attack and you didn’t even understand why. There was nothing more you’d rather do more than look at Sanji but you didn’t know if you had the strength to do it.

You placed your hands on top of his wrists, fully intending to peel him off and push him away, mumbling, “Sanji, I can’t-”

“Please.”

In an instant, you looked into his eyes and what you saw nearly made your heart stop. His gaze was so intense, so piercing, his blue eyes seemed like they were staring directly into your heart and soul. Could he feel your rapid pulse through his fingertips?

When you locked eyes with him, you saw his soft smile grow. “You, y/n, are the most gorgeous woman to ever sail the four seas. You are the most beautiful woman in the world, I promise you that.”

With each word out of Sanji’s mouth, you could feel your heart breaking and it was dawning on you as to why.

But Sanji continued, his eyes sparkling. “And I'll be damned if I’d ever let that horrible woman make you feel otherwise. Alright, Missus?”

At the nickname, you let out a shaky breath and quickly blinked back tears. It was right then you knew, you knew it from the depth of your soul, just like you knew for certain that the sky was blue and the earth was round: you loved Sanji. You didn’t just have a crush on him anymore, but you were completely head over heels in love with him.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, which might’ve been your heart, because you realized that even though you loved him, you could never have him. He was your crewmate, your friend, another one of the straw hats. He was someone that you promised yourself you would never cross “the line” for. Who you vowed to yourself that you wouldn’t risk anything for feelings-wise because you didn’t want the rest of the crew to suffer if you both didn’t work out.

But despite all of that, it didn’t make the truth any easier to swallow because now you were stuck. You were stuck with your stupid feelings and all it did was want to make you cry. You should’ve been happy right now at this sudden realization but no, instead all you wanted to do was go hole up in your room and sob.

And besides, Sanji would never return your feelings anyway.

“Y/n?” Sanji repeated, a hint of worry laced in his tone the longer you kept staring at him unblinking.

You quickly blinked, unable to stop a few tears from escaping your eyes, but managed to hold back the rest. You tried your best to fake a smile for him, but you could feel your lips quivering. “Sanji,” you breathed but quickly cleared your throat. “That, that was beautiful.” You looked at him in the eyes. “Thank you.”

At your thanks, Sanji’s whole face lit up and he winked. “Ah, anything for the Missus.”

The blonde cook didn’t make an effort to move, however. He kept his hands on your face and with each stroke of his thumb you felt tingles shoot down into your stomach (and to other inappropriate places), and felt goosebumps erupt across your skin.

You had to get out of here.

Carefully, you squeezed his wrists and slid your hands over his, gently prying them away from you, pulling them down and giving them one last quick squeeze in appreciation before dropping them. “Thank you, Sanji,” you repeated softly. You looked towards the bar, at the two forgotten drinks placed there, because you just couldn’t look at Sanji right now. “I, uh, should go bring these over to Zoro.”

“Of- of course. Right. Mosshead is probably quite pissed off at us but, ah, who cares what he thinks.” Ever the gentleman, Sanji went to reach for them. “Here, let me help you-”

“No!” you quickly intervened, grabbing them like it was a pot of gold. “No, no. I got it. Don’t worry about it. You should, uh, stay here and keep talking to the bartender. I think he was looking for you,” you lied and without waiting for his response, took the drinks off the bar, leaving a crestfallen Sanji standing there, watching you walk to Zoro and then, promptly, out of the nightclub altogether.

As you walked over to your green-haired friend, your legs felt like rubber and that you would collapse at a moment’s notice from the sheer weight of your thoughts. You, however, were so far gone that you completely missed Zoro’s Chesire cat grin.

“You and the waiter seemed pretty cozy over there, huh?” Zoro jabbed, his arms resting on top of the seat cushions and knees spread out like he had no care in the world. “I thought you guys were going to kiss or something for a minute there, but instead-”

“Shut the fuck up, Zoro,” you practically growled at him as you put his beer and your glass on the glass tabletop with much more force than necessary.

The swordsman lifted his hands slightly along with his eyebrows. “Whoa, hey now no need to-”

Instead of taking your seat back and sitting back down, you started walking past him and towards the exit without waiting for his response. “I’m heading back to the ship.”

As Zoro watched you leave, a clearly drunk Usopp slid in right next to him, gnawing on a toothpick, watching you as well. “Daaamn, Zoro,” the slingshot shooter drawled loudly, leaning against his crewmate and completely disregarding the other man’s personal space. “Did you see Sanji and y/n? I thought they were going to- pft, start making out or something!” Usopp exclaimed as he waved his hands in the air, mimicking an explosion and two people kissing. “Do you think they know they like each other?”

Zoro hummed, watching your retreating form and then looking towards the dejected waiter, who looked like a kicked puppy. “I don’t know Usopp,” he replied, leaning forward to grab his beer and take a swing. “But if they don’t tell each other soon I’m going to lose my goddamn mind.”

“Yeahhh,” Usopp agreed, sliding his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose to look at the swordsman better. “You said it- oh! Is this drink taken?” he asked, not waiting for Zoro’s response before taking the beverage and sipping on its straw.

Zoro shook his head with a small smile. Sometimes his friends were too predictable for their own good. He just hoped that you and Sanji would start being predictable soon so you two could finally be together and put everyone out of their misery.

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lovecanyon · 4 months

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EX WAG OR FUTURE WAG?

charles x y/n x ex!carlos

MASTERLIST | PATREON

liked by user24, user29 and 103,748 others

yncarlosdaily Carlos and Y/N have announced their breakup. They are still friends at the moment. We hope everyone gives them space at this time!

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user12 NOT MY PARENTS

user8 this really has me sobbing omg

user10 the way carlos’ parents really loved y/n too…jumping off a cliff

user25 not them 😭 please not them

user15 i am not okay

user9 they were everything to me 🧎‍♂️

user6 not recovering from this

liked by user9, user16 and 340,824 others

f1wags “We have decided to stay friends. She knows she’s my forever love.”

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user4 SOMEONE KILL ME

user13 yet he cheated on her??? i don’t understand men…

user7 we don’t know that for sure

user10 there’s literally photos of him in a club with another woman so…

user14 they are my roman empire ‼️

user17 y/n and carlos were truly the cutest together

user8 never forgetting about them

liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 474,102 others

yourinstagram monaco before work

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user3 obsessed with her

user12 THE TRUE PRINCESS OF MONACO 🙏

lilymhe So gorgeous

yourinstagram ❤️

user9 carlos liking this…

susie_wolff Angel!

user14 when her work is formula one…i would love to be her 😭

francisca.cgomes A beautyyyy 💕

liked by charles_leclerc, user15 and 303,721 others

kymillman Y/N L/N in the Paddock today.

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user17 4 + 4 = ate

user5 SHE IS THE MOMENT!!!

user8 charles liking this has me rolling

user10 he’s planning his next move 🤭

user14 still can’t believe her and carlos broke up…it does not feel real

user6 truly the princess of formula one

user9 y/n and charles are definitely a thing…joris was with her

liked by user11, user4 and 275,093 others

foreverf1wags Y/N with Valtteri and Zhou today! #QuatarGP

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user8 forever my favorite wag

user15 I LOVE HER SO MUCH 😭😭

user9 y/n and valtteri look good together…just sayinggg…

user13 i agree 👀

user19 hoping she dates someone on the track again

user5 this is so cute omg

user7 y/n is thriving!!!!

liked by user18, user6 and 72,101 others

f1gossips People have noticed that Y/N has been photographed with possibly a new boyfriend in the paddock!

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user6 you guys are soooo funny (derogatory)

user13 she already has a new man…disgusting

user10 you are weird

user6 it’s her life so…what do you want us to do about it????

user8 mind you carlos cheated on her soooo

yourinstagram that’s literally my friend’s boyfriend. get a life please.

user9 she hates you all omg 😭

liked by user2, user9 and 164,930 others

ynlnupdates Y/N has posted onto her stories supporting Ferrari and Valtteri!

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user12 she’s so me!

user17 LIKE I SAID Y/N AND VALTTERI 👀

user4 forever our ferrari girlie

user6 the way she stayed in the alfa romeo garage the whole time 😭

user10 she’s literally obsessed with all the teams…i am her

user15 still loving the fact that she supports ferrari

liked by user16, user5 and 246,920 others

leclercdaily Charles and Y/N together today after the race.

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user7 this is the plot twist we needed

user10 I SUPPORT WHATEVER THEY ARE

user12 no literally!!!!

user3 carlos was found crying in the corner

user9 honestly loving the idea of charles and y/n together

user11 both are single…so 🤭🤭🤭

user14 and she was wearing his jacket too!

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 984,734 others

yourinstagram just a inchident with the race

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user19 HER CAPTION LMAOOO

user13 carlos continuing to like her posts…yeah he still wants her

charles_leclerc Lol.

yourinstagram ha ha ha

user11 y/n is definitely winning charles over 😭

carmenmmundt You are the next big formula one driver

user6 she is the woman of charles’ dreams

liked by yourinstagram, lancestroll and 438,103 others

francisca.cgomes 🇺🇸 Grand Prix 🇺🇸

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user7 WIFE. MOTHER.

user11 kika and y/n, besties forever!!!!

yourinstagram i love ya

francisca.cgomes 💘💓💕💖💓

user17 everywhere but near the ferrari garage 😀

charlotte2304 Miss you two

user14 people forgetting that y/n has a interest in every team and not only ferrari’s team

user12 right, acting like she does not post ferrari and support them all the time

liked by user22, user16 and 442,819 others

f1wagsdaily Y/N meeting up with Charles in the Paddock.

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user8 why do i love them so much

user14 prince and princess of monaco 💅

user10 meanwhile carlos is talking about y/n in interviews

user6 and that’s her fault because?

user17 carlos and y/n are broken up so who cares if she’s with charles…it’s called moving on

user2 OMGGG

user7 everyone jumping into conclusions, they are probably just friends

liked by user11, user7 and 257,184 others

sainzupdates Carlos talking about his parents, sister and Y/N in an interview.

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user18 i am never getting over carlos and y/n…i’m sorry…

user6 THIS IS SO CUTE (SUE ME)

user13 he cheated though…

user19 it was never really confirmed 🤷‍♀️

user14 i cannot. the way his eyes light up when he talks about y/n

user8 carlos still loves her 😩

user12 “I’m doing it for them” crying

user20 he almost called her his girlfriend omg

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 1,023,746 others

yourinstagram i met lewoof hamilton & max furstappen today

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user5 THIS IS EVERYTHING

user13 y/n avoiding the ferrari garage as much as she can 😭😭

carlossainz55 ❤️

user7 somebody call charles

user10 BITCH GET BACK WITH HER

maxverstappen1 Officially changing my name to Max Furstappen

user9 kika and y/n are the best duo ever

liked by user13, user9 and 319,025 others

ferrarinews Unseen/unreleased photo of Charles and Y/N in Monaco a few weeks ago.

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user14 what is going onnnn

user17 y/n is living the dream…both carlos and charles are in love with her 😩

user19 I CANNOT DO THIS TODAY

user11 am i the only one that wants her with carlos…

user7 excuse me…the flowers

user20 y/n already has him in a chokehold!!!

user4 SCREAMINGGGG

liked by user21, user27 and 103,473 others

ynandkika Y/N via IG stories! #MexicoCityGP

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user10 SHE IS SO REAL LMFAOOO

user16 literally me the entire time

user18 her posting this after perez spun out because of charles 😭

user20 his ass just wants to show off to her lmao you can tell

user15 she’s one of us!!

user9 the people’s princess 🙏

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 2,772,145 others

yourinstagram “if you’ve got a problem, change your fucking car!” — christian horner

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user11 Y/N STAYS BEING REAL PLEASEEE

user14 it’s her or nothing

kellypiquet I am so in love with you

yourinstagram kels i love u!!!!

user19 she is literally every formula one driver’s dream 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

anasainzvdec Bonitaaaa ❤️

user13 y/n just constantly slays

charles_leclerc Wear my suit next

(liked by yourinstagram!)

liked by user6, user18 and 498,023 others

carlosynupdates Y/N with Carlos after he got a penalty during his practice race. #LasVegasGP

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user22 I AM SO DOWN BAD FOR THEM UGH

user5 she did the same thing after his crash in qatar :(

user14 they are literally still in love 🥲

user10 @charles_leclerc SAVE HER

user13 the penalty wasn’t even his fault? this las vegas race is turning into shit

user17 wondering what charles feels about this

user19 that’s literally husband and wife

liked by user14, user12 and 230,928 others

f1wags Y/N in the Ferrari garage today! via ferraristyle

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user16 OMGGG

user21 photos of charles and carlos with y/n incoming….

user12 deep down she is a ferrari girl at heart 😭

user18 forever our ferrari wag

user20 i just wanna be y/n…she has carlos and charles chasing after her 🤭

user13 ferrari really loves her…

user11 OUR CEO AND PRESIDENT OF FERRARI

liked by yourinstagram, arthur_leclerc and 3,284,102 others

charles_leclerc Las Vegas, I love you. #LasVegasGP

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user17 DID HE JUST POST A PHOTO OF Y/N?? WE ARE GETTING CLOSE

user13 i love the prince and princess of monaco

(liked by charles_leclerc!)

yourinstagram vegas is so fun with you!!!

charles_leclerc ❤️❤️

user6 are they flirting 🤨

francisca.cgomes Cuties

user10 idk they should date…

joris__trouche Best people in the world

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc and 2,884,746 others

yourinstagram “ask a child to draw a car and they will color it red. i think that's all you should know about ferrari.”

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user12 pshhh and people were saying she hates ferrari….that’s literally her home team

user17 Y/N IS IN CARLOS’ GARAGE??? HELLO

carlossainz55 No photo credits?

yourinstagram no lol

user13 THEY ARE SO

carmenmmundt Dream girl 💕

user20 it’s her and ferrari against the world

f1 You and Ferrari = iconic

user11 the photos with carlos and charles…y/n won

liked by user10, user3 and 401,824 others

f1gossips Fans noticed Y/N wearing Charles Leclerc’s jacket in a new photo!

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user13 I AM CHARLES & Y/N SHIP ACCOUNT

user2 she also didn’t go to the last race? omg

user7 y/n is organizing the fia prize giving ceremony, that’s why she didn’t attend!

user15 she was way too busy being a girl boss

user12 I’M CRYING???

user14 y/n knows she’s winning at life

user11 CAN THEY HURRY UP AND DATE 🙏

liked by user9, user15 and 204,623 others

wagsf1 Carlos Sainz included a photo of Y/N and Fred in his Instagram post celebrating the end of the 2023 season.

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user5 he loves her so much 🙏🙏

user11 I WANT TO HATE HIM BUT THEN I DON’T

user16 the way y/n is still besties with fred has me rolling…

user18 she’s literally his favorite, he don’t care if her and carlos broke up 😭

user20 carlos and y/n are my endgame

user12 both men are fighting over her…yeah okay

user19 i would fight over her too idk 🤷‍♀️

user22 fred and y/n = forever besties

tiktok

comments:

charliesleclerc MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD

118.1K likes

wags4ever just fell in love with her all over again

98.4K likes

ynsainzjr the best woman in formula one

86.6K likes

hamiltonverstappen is y/n aware that she can bag any f1 driver she wants

61.3K likes

16ferrari55 carlos and charles being in love with her makes so much sense

57.9K likes

leclercyn she is so iconic

39.4K likes

f1wifes y/n has the whole grid in a chokehold

32.6K likes

liked by charles_leclerc, carlossainz55 and 3,772,490 others

yourinstagram and with that the 2023 season has come to an end

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user16 y/n not including charles or carlos in her photo dump 😭

user20 OUR FAVORITE WAG

carlossainz55 Until next year.

yourinstagram can’t wait

user13 I HATE THEM SO MUCH (i don’t hate them at all)

leclerc_pascale La belle fille ❤️

user17 CHARLES’ MOM COMMENTING OMG

charles_leclerc Had the best season with you

yourinstagram i had the best season with YOU!!!

user12 mother & father

tag list: @harrysmatcha @harryspinkpillow @helen-with-an-a @florencepughily @peterparkerbae @toji-dabi-wife @fallonx @drphilssoulmate @cherriesrae @alienorknight @valluvsu @ayeshathestyles @hazgoldenstyles @eiffelmezarry @tsukishimawhore @renatavieira @michellekstyles @eleanordaisy @shawnsblue @agustdpeach @whoscamila @ch3rryrry @msolbesg @futuristicpalacegardenpsychic @youusunshineyoutemptress @cherryfragrancx @milkiane @golden-hoax @sunshinemendes8 @your--sweetest--downfall @melllinaa @tenaciousperfectionunknown @cashtons-wife @stellarossii @scenesofobx @manifestrry @lomlolivia @tlcbabiesss

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