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#The Purple Sea: Butterfly
strawberry-s0ap · 1 year
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bioluminescent sea creatures stimboard for anon!
x x x / x x x / x x x
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heartnosekid · 7 months
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the name zack for anon!
❤️-💜-🖤 / ❤️-💜-🖤 / ❤️-💜-🖤
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ordinary-beautiful · 8 months
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Statice
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ahthedoodle · 10 months
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povelgia · 2 years
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Some of my favorite little views of Povelgia 💛
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andiloveyoutooangel · 8 months
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F/O and S/I organizational tags
click on tags to go to them, click on names to go to their info post, click on fandoms for relevant wiki pages! :>
f/o tags: #[ rose gold angel ] - Agent ❤️ #[ indigo thread ] - Alexandria ❤️ #[ peach butterfly ] - Coby 💛 #[ scarlet spike ] - Keter 💛 #[ green leaf ] - Dew 💛 #[ javelins ] - Alexandria, Coby, Keter, Dew, and/or J4-CE #[ cerulean hacker ] - Mallek Adalov (Friendsim) ❤️ #[ purple fusion ] - Ellry (The Henry Stickmin Collection) ❤️ #[ yellow chariot ] - Ryuji Sakamoto (Persona 5) 💛 #[ emerald express ] - Eugene Finch (Drawtectives) 💛 #[ blue seas ] - Willy (Stardew Valley) 💛 #[ pink ferris wheel ] - Emu Otori (Project Sekai: Colorful Stage) 💛 #[ general f/o ] - for non-tagged f/os
s/i tags: #[ waxen wings ] - Icarus (romantic with Agent) #[ starlit pendant ] - J4-CE (romantic with Alexandria, familial with Coby, Keter and Dew) #[ timeline guardian ] - Reader (romantic with Mallek) #[ floral fisher ] - Jazz (familial with Willy) #[ spotlit showtime ] - Song (familial with Ryuji and Emu) #[ unnamed melody ] - Untitled (undefined with Kaito)
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moonbaetarot · 2 months
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Pick a pile
What your future spouse loves about you
1. 2. 3.
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Pile 1
Your future spouse loves the way you express yourself you’re not shy to show the world the real you. You make this person feel special your future spouse may have not always got that feeling in the past but you make them feel really special. They enjoy laughing and making jokes with you. They love that they can be themselves and comfortable around you. Your future spouse loves that You’re not afraid to follow your dreams if you wanna do something you will do it no matter if a million people are telling you it’s a bad idea. I feel like you’re blunt you don’t sugar coat things and this person loves that because you’re real and raw with them. you take care of yourself, your body, mind your work I feel like everything you have is well taken care of. You may love going to the spa getting a glass of wine or campaign Doing face mask getting your hair done you like being pampered and this person loves that they love seeming you enjoy yourself. this person is going to love the memories you make together. someone here could love to journal, keep a picture book, like printed out pictures or older looking pictures. they love the smell of your hair you may have a good smelling shampoo or conditioner or have like a hair perfume. this is funny but I feel like someone could ask your future spouse what do you love most about them and they are like “yes” and the other person says no but like what is it about them and they say “yes” lol. Your future spouse just really loves being around you they love how you understand them. Your person could also love your smile and when you wear lipstick or lip gloss. They see you as they only fish in the sea. this person could love to say like cheesy cringy things to you. someone here could love butterflies, fairy’s or the color purple.
Thank you for reading loves! 🤍
Pile 2
you always have something up your sleeve for your future spouse like your always planning something or buying something for this person your love languages could be gift giving but like you go to this person and your like “here I got this for you”. I feel like your person really loves your joyful energy you light up your future spouses world. I feel like you bring a lot of good to there life you teach this person to be happy and smile when there having a bad moment you know we all have ups and downs but when this person isn’t feeling the best you know just how to make them happy again. Your future spouse loves listening to music in the car with you or just listening to music in general I feel like you and this person share the same music taste and watch the same shows and movies.This person loves and appreciates that you’re very trusting and honest with them. you know what’s right and wrong this person loves that you can stand up for yourself. This person loves that your an empathetic person like if you see a someone struggling or stray animals your always willing to help them out of the kindness of your heart. you bring a lot of good news and blessings into this persons life. you and your future spouse could be doing nothing together and still be happy and content they just love being around you. I’m getting a lot of the same messages for pile 1 and 2 so you could be reading both. Someone here could love wearing jewelry or a lot of bracelets someone could also have a peice of jewelry that was a passed down from a loved one. You may like wearing bows or their hair in pink tails. your future spouse could also be a bit older.
Thank you for reading loves! 🤍
pile 3
Your future spouse loves Your love for animals you and this person could have a animal together or you could already have one and this person loves the way you take care of them I feel like you treat them like your baby and this is shows them how good your going to be with your future babies. you don’t let nothing get between you nothing in life could break you two up. this person loves how funny and goofy your are you may like to just pop out of nowhere and start singing random lyrics or parts of a movie and there just laughing like babe I’m trying to work or I’m trying to do sleep lol. you could have a golden retriever or want one or this is the pet you and future spouse are going to have. someone’s pet could be named daisy or the name daisy could be Significant. Your future spouse loves when you wear dresses if you like to wear them. This person loves your out look on life I feel like you don’t take things to seriously you love to just go with the flow. Your person loves how you look when you sleep they think you look adorable. Your future spouse loves your food they love when you cook for them. Someone here really loves flowers and this person is going to buy you flowers all the time. Your person also really likes your body no matter the shape, size, figure you are they love it all. someone here could love ladybugs or see them often.
Thank you for reading loves! 🤍
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thecupidwitch · 1 month
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Planetary Magick🌙
Sun
Zodiac: Leo
Metal: Gold
Day: Sunday
Colors: organge, yellow, amber
Stones: Amber, topaz, ruby, diamond
Tarot: The Sun
Herbs: Angelica, poppy, sunflower, marigold, hibiscus, mistletoe
Symbols: lion, hexagram, sparrow hawk, dragon, head, heart, swan
Influences: renown, potency, fortune, tyranny, pride, ambition, masculinity, arrogance, bigotry, vitality, health
Moon
Zodiac: cancer
Metal: sliver
Day: Monday
Colors: blue, sliver
Stones: moonstone, pearl
Tarot: The High Priestess, The Chariot
Herbs: eucalyptus, coconut, jasmine, lotus, myrrh, sandalwood
Symbols: bow and arrow, crab, cat, turtle, Sphinx, owl
Influences: gradtitufe, friendliness, safe, travel, physical health, wealth, protection for enemies, deception, illusion, women, emotions, healing, dreams
Mercury
Zodiac: Virgo, Gemini
Metal: aluminum, Mercury
Day: Wednesday
Colors: violet, gray, purple, indigo, yellow
Stones: opal agate
Tarot: The Lovers
Herbs: hyssop, juniper, betony, carrot, chickweed
Symbols: wand, octagram, the mind
Influences: good fortune, gratitude, gain, memory, understanding, divination, dreams, forgetfulness, communication, business, cleverness, creativity, information, intellect, memory, perception, science, wisdom, gambling, writing, root of dishonesty, deception
Venus
Zodiac: taurus, libra
Metal: copper
Day: Friday
Colors: green, pink
Stones: turquoise, emerald, sapphire, jade
Tarot: The Empress
Herbs: jimsonweed, violet, rose, alder, apple, angelica, olive, sesame
Symbols: sparrow, dove, swan, pentagram
Influences: peace, agreements, cooperation, fertility, joy, love, good fortune, jealousy, strife, promiscuity
Mars
Zodiac: aries, scorpio
Metal: iron, red brass, steel
Day: Tuesday
Color: Red
Stones: ruby, garnet, bloodstone, diamond
Tarot: The Tower
Herbs: ginger, mustard
Symbols: sword, pentagram, horse, bear, wolf, vulture
Influences: war, victory, judgements, submission of enemies, bleeding, stripping one of rank, harness, discord, conflict, aggression, lust, power, courage, goals, protection, motivation, ambition, strength
Jupiter
Zodiac: pisces, sagittarius
Metal: tin
Day: Thursday 
Colors: blue
Stone: sapphire
Tarot: The Wheel of Fortune
Herbs: balm, hyssop, maple leaf and bark, oak, sage, dandelion root
Symbols: eagle, dolphin
Influences: gains, riches, favor, peace, cooperation, appeasing enemies, dissolving
Saturn
Zodiac: capricorn
Metal: lead
Day: Saturday
Color: black
Stone: onyx
Taror: The World
Herbs: alder, apple, ash, asparagus, baneberry, belladonna, distort, hellebore, blackthorn, corm, cypress
Symbols: cuttlefish, mole
Influences: safety, power, success, positive response to requests, intellect, causes discord, strips honor, melancholy
Uranus
Zodiac: aquarius
Day: Thursday
Colors: blue-green, electric blue
Stones: quartz, labradorite, blue topaz, amber, amethyst, garnet, diamond
Tarot: The Fool
Herbs: clover, pokeweed, snowdrop, foxglove, love, rosemary, trees of heaven, hellebore, morning glory, sage, wintergreen, orchids, sweet woodruff
Symbols: dragonfly, butterfly
Influences: breaking connection, sudden and unexpected change, freedom, originality, radical and revolutionary ideas, enlightenment, equality, individuality, rebellion, instability, loneliness, boredom, mistrust of self
Neptune
Zodiac: pisces
Minerals: coral, aquamarine, platinum, neptunium
Colors: green, blue, lavender
Tarot: The Hanged Man
Herbs: morning glory, night-blooming jasmine, pine, water lily
Symbols: the sea, Trident, the spine
Influences: dissolving boundaries, expanding upon ideas, changing established rules, intuition, idealism, sacrifice, glamour, illusion, evolution, decay, visions, art, healing, inspiration, dreams, creativity, compassion, drifting from reality, carelessness, stubbornness, absent mind
Pluto
Zodiac: scorpio
Metal: plutonium, tin chrome, steel
Day: Tuesday
Colors: maroon, dark red, purple, white, black
Stones: snowflake obsidian, clack tourmaline
Tarot: Judgement
Herbs: pomegranate, rosemary, vanilla, basil, poppies, belladonna, foxglove
Symbols: Phoenix, snake, scorpion, fox, eagle
Influences; destruction making way for renewal, rebirth, knowledge, spirituality, transformation, destiny, the subconscious, desire, arrogance, death, obsession, destruction
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100 Fiction Books to Read Before You Die
The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
The Book of Margery Kempe by Margery Kempe
The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison
A Small Place by Jamaica Kincaid
The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie by Muriel Sparks
The Girl by Meridel Le Sueur
The Kitchen God's Wife by Amy Tan
The Secret History by Donna Tartt
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver
Veronica by Mary Gaitskill
Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte
The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
Kindred by Octavia Butler
Middlemarch by George Eliot
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Uncle Tom's Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston
Passing by Nella Larson
The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin
Brideshead Revisited by Evelyn Waugh
Death Comes for the Archbishop by Willa Cather
Play it as it Lays by Joan Didion
The House of Spirits by Isabel Allende
Wuthering Heights Emily Bronte
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
White Teeth by Zadie Smith
The Power by Naomi Alderman
The Street by Ann Petry
The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton
Mary Barton by Elizabeth Gaskill
An American Marriage by Tayari Jones
Small Island by Andrea Levy
The Idiot by Elif Batuman
The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton
The Price of Salt/Carol by Patricia Highsmith
Room by Emma Donoghue
The Sea, The Sea by Iris Murdoch
Garden of Earthly Delights by Joyce Carol Oates
Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys
Wise Blood by Flannery O Conner
Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn
Picnic at Hanging Rock by Joan Lindsey
Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier
Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys
Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand
The Awakening by Kate Chopin
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg
The House on Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros
The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall
House of Incest by Anaïs Nin
The Mandarins by Simone de Beauvoir
The Lottery by Shirley Jackson
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
Corregidora by Gayl Jones
Whose Names are Unknown by Sanora Babb
Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood
See Now Then by Jamaica Kincaid
The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri
Beloved by Toni Morrison
The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan
The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt
Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver
The Ministry of Utmost Happiness by Arundhati Roy
To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf
My Antonia by Willa Cather
Democracy by Joan Didion
Black Water by Joyce Carol Oates
The Violent Bear it Away by Flannery O Connor
Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
My Cousin Rachel by Daphne du Maurier
The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand
I Must Betray You be Ruta Sepetys
The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson
The Mare by Mary Gaitskill
City of Beasts by Isabel Allende
Fledgling by Octavia Butler
A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin
The First Bad Man by Miranda July
Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen
Moses, Man of the Mountain by Zora Neale Hurston
Disobedience by Naomi Alderman
Quicksand by Nella Larsen
The Narrows by Ann Petry
The Blood of Others by Simone de Beauvoir
Under the Sea by Rachel Carson
Go Set a Watchman by Harper Lee
Under the Net by Iris Murdoch
The Birdcatcher by Gayl Jones
Desert of the Heart by Jane Rule
In the Time of the Butterflies by Julia Alvarez
The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa
@gaydalf @kishipurrun @unsentimentaltranslator @algolagniaa @stariduks @hippodamoi
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sumaneun-stars · 5 months
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'One reason to stay'
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Pairing. Jungwon x fem!reader
Genre. Best friends to lovers, fluff, angst, comfort
Warnings. Mentions of suicide, reader going through depression
Synopsis. You finally broke down- in front of your crush out of all people. Sigh.
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You sat atop of a large rock which lay on the many other rocks- overlooking the sea. You admired the golden tinted water which moved back and forth in steady waves, slowly swallowing the radiant sun.
The scene switched to a dark misty forest. You wore a beige flowy dress, hair tied to a half ponytail with little green accessories decorating it. You ran to the source of light a few meters away to spot a small pond which was framed by algae covered white stone benches. Small creepers which bore light purple flowers entangled with the legs of the benches, with little green butterflies fluttering their wings around them.
You opened your eyes to disappointing, depressing reality. You found yourself sitting on the carpeted floor, your head resting on one of the couch cushions. Your eyes were drained out from the number of tears which flowed out not many moments ago. Your lips were dry and your skin was pale- with dark lines circling your worn out, sleepy eyes.
The world is not a nice place to live in. It was drowning you slowly- except it didn't let you die. Assignments and homework piled up on your shoulders- and exams dropped like a boulder on your head. You didn't mind falling off a cliff considering the fact that you're dying anyways. But there was one thing which made you not want to leave. 
One reason to make you stay.
You heard the faint sound of the door unlocking, thinking it was one of your friends because your phone was on silent for days.
"Y/n?" You heard a soft voice call.
You then saw the blurred figure run towards you. He knelt down to your level. "Y/n? What's wrong? Why are you so pale?" he asked- holding your face with his warm hands. You smiled at him, but your eyes told a different story. You looked down, trying to hide the redness of your face.
His eyebrows dropped, making his face show nothing but concern. 
"Hey, look at me," he said, his voice lower than a whisper. He raised your head up to meet your eyes. 
"I don't like it here" you mumbled through your pouting lips.
"Why?" He asked, caressing your hair in hopes to comfort you.
Your lips trembled and your eyes became teary. You dropped your head on his shoulder- and he didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you. You sobbed softly into his sweater as he carried you to the couch slowly. He sat on the ground, his hand still cupping your face wiping your hot tears.
"You wanna talk about it?" He asked.
You shook your head, making him whisper a tiny 'okay'.
Jungwon was your best friend, at least you were for him. Ever since you first set your eyes on his contagious smile, in the midst of about 5 to 6 people in the classroom, you fell hard. You thought it was a mere crush, until he walked up and spoke to you, lighting up your dark and misty perspective of life. Except you weren't the only girl in his life, or else that's what you thought. Silly little you, of course he likes popular girls with bright smiles and pretty faces- you remind yourself everyday. But little did you know, he felt just the same butterflies as you did when you looked at him.
After a few minutes, he brought you back to his lap, letting you sob into his shirt.
“Y/n” he started. “Life is hard, I agree. But I swear you're the strongest person I've ever seen, this'll be a piece of cake, alright?” He ended with a smile. He looked confused, and looked like he was trying so hard, making you chuckle a little.
“What? I know I'm a horrible therapist, you don't need to say it out loud” he rolled his eyes.
“Noo” you replied, giving him a smile that didn't reach your eyes. 
If only you could kiss those lips, it would solve all your problems even for a little while. A boulder off your shoulders, a plaster on your wounded heart, an umbrella from the blazing sun.
He shifted a bit, before pursing his lips and humming to himself in thought. He was in a dilemma, by the looks of it. He reached out to his bag lying beside him, a tiny smile forming in his lips. He took out a lollipop, orange flavored to be specific, your favorite. You gasped. 4 years of running towards the candy section to search for the orange flavored lollipops but it was always out of the market.
“They brought it back?” You exclaimed, making him instantly laugh at your change of expression.
“Mhm” he nodded his head.
“Thank you so much!” You wrapped your arms around him, expecting to stay like that for a while before he parted the hug. It upsetted you slightly, but of course, there should be a reason for it.
“Well…” he started, scratching the back of his neck. He looked- nervous. “I'm not good with words, so I wrote it down” he said as he dug his pockets, and finally took out an unevenly folded piece of paper with a smiley face drawn on the blank side of it.
You were about to unfold it, until he took your hands in his, closing the paper back again. He smiled giddily, before taking the strap of his bag and rushing out of the room. You were left in confusion, but was soon snapped back into reality when his face appeared once again.
“I'll walk slowly so you can catch up after reading it” he said before giving you a bright smile and leaving the room.
You unfolded the piece of paper, to be met with his usual messy, ant-sized handwriting. It had ink marks in the corners of the paper, clearly showing that it was accidentally drawn while he was spinning his pen.
‘Uhh well, hi! It's me, Jungwon. Let's get right to it, shall we? 
I can't really describe this, but I'll try. I used to think I knew happiness, and that smiling could only be formed intentionally, a command from my brain or heart- until I met you. Crazy, right? You didn't even smile that often at me, but I found myself giggling and smiling every time I saw you. Over time, I realized I couldn't spend a day without drifting away in thoughts about you. Daydreams and imaginary scenarios which were once starred by me and a really pretty celebrity, got replaced by me and you. You, you and you. Everything is about you. My world now revolves around you. I see you in clouds and sand, even in plain sight! Sometimes I think I'm crazy! Y/n, I'm obsessed with you. It's almost unhealthy. Every little thing you do makes my heart beat faster than the speed of light. The way your eyes turn into rainbows everytime it rains, the way you can't laugh without snorting, the way you walk like a penguin, the way you can't hold your laughter in a serious situation; they all make me feel lighter than a cloud. Y/n, I sorta, kinda, maybe, might, slightly, possibly be in love with you. No- I am in love with you. 
Hurry! I might be still waiting outside, it's freezing! Hug me if you accept my heart by the way ♡’
You found yourself crying once more, not in sadness, but pure joy. Without any hesitancy, you grabbed your coat and ran out of your apartment. You ran as fast as possible towards the bakery you two shared most memories with, to find him sitting on a bench, head down and back crouched.
He raised his head up to the sound of your footsteps and panting, a smile as bright as the sun forming on his face soaked with tears. He stood up, feeling slightly dizzy from the tears shed not long ago. You didn't hesitate to wrap your arms around him, tears of joy exploding into his chest. You looked up at his mixed expression.
“Were you crying?” You asked as you wiped the tears off his face, chuckling at his state.
“I was scared you wouldn't come,” he mumbled, before snuggling his head into the nape of your neck.
“But I did,” you said, your voice low.
He raised his head up, staring at you until you pressed your lips to his. His face was in pure shock, before he connected his lips with yours once again. You felt him smile into the kiss, making your heart explode into a thousand butterflies.
Funny, how a single person can lift a truck's worth of problems off another's shoulders. Your mind which was once filled with nothing but plans to leave behind your melancholic life, was paused by a single piece of paper. It was him all along, the answer to your never ending mystery of life. 
Him, the one and only reason to make you stay.
End.
A/n: Comfort for us depressed/delulu hoomans<3
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Cinderella | Leonardo
okay, i am aware this isn't my greatest work but i actually kind of like it, or i enjoyed writing it at least because i'm a sucker for fairytales being applied to non-fairytale stories/settings... also i spent about the same amount of time writing this as i did attempting to find a gif of leo in that damn suit and then i ended up having to make my own because i couldn't find one of just leo...
2003!Fast Foward
warnings: none? cleavage mention, one innuendo, fem!reader... genuinely nothing other than non-proof read writing
summary: when leo meets cinderella
word count: 1437
.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.
Leonardo likes people watching – which is not stalking no matter what Raphael says. He likes imagining their lives and catching snippets of arguments and jests and idle conversation, and he especially likes watching people in his colour, even if some of the gowns and suits he sees are abominations fit for incineration rather than an evening out.
Although, he concedes, there are a lot of pretty outfits tonight, including a dashing cornflower blue, pinstriped three piece suit – complete with a fedora and all – that Leo quietly longs to have in his closet. His brothers would probably laugh and Donny would accuse him of wanting to look like a noir detective (and so what if he did?), but Leo was used to tuning out their teasing.
He settles against a wall and continues to watch. There’s a lot of blue in the crowd; shades of navy and midnight, indigo and periwinkle threatening to bleed into purple and catching and sparkling in the light.
For every fashion win, however, there are another two fashion failures, and Leo can't hide his wince as a woman saunters past with undeserved, and therefore impressive, confidence clad in a ghastly shade of turquoise and adorned with fur trimmings.
He loves blue more than anyone else, he really does, but even that shade has skipped over the boundaries of ostentatious into obnoxious, and Leo has to blink to try and erase the monstrosity from his mind.
Pulling his eyes away from another blasphemous shade of cyan passing through the doorway, he scans the sea of people casually and smiles amusedly as he quickly spots Raph. He’s got his arm around Donny who looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, clumsily hunched and torn between politeness and awkwardness as his brother flirts brazenly.
He can’t find Mikey and he lets his eyes roam the room once more to make sure he hasn’t missed him, although missing Mikey is pretty impossible, not least because he's in a bright orange tuxedo. It should worry him more, although he’s not sure whether to be worried for Mikey or for whomever Mikey is with, but all thoughts of his little brother are expelled from his mind when he catches a breathtaking shade of blue across the floor.
The dress is long and shimmering, fabric pooling on the floor, and Leo follows the material upwards, transfixed as it cascades and ripples over skin like water. It’s so blue.
His breath hitches as he traces bare neck and lands on the most beautiful face he’s even seen. You’re looking right at him. He feels faint, hyperaware of his own heartbeat thrumming in his ears, the racing flap of a hummingbird’s wings matching the flutter of butterflies within his stomach.
Love at first sight is such a ridiculous, illogical notion. It's fanciful and childish. It’s unrealistic and goes against everything Leo has been taught and everything he expects from himself. But your dress matches his suit, matches his mask, he's a mutant turtle, and he’s already striding towards you and you’re meeting him halfway, and before he can even stop and think about what he’s doing he’s asking you for a dance.
His breath hitches again as your palm glides against his and he rests his other along the curve of your hip, feeling the heat of your body through your dress.
Years of training have made his feet steady and his frame strong, but Leo still feels a little out of place as he does his best to lead you around the floor. You smile at him, soft and amused, easily reading the tension in his shoulders with the palms of your hands. “You need to relax,” you murmur teasingly. “Breathing would be a good start.
His shoulders gradually slump under the gentle caress of your hands as you dance in companionable quiet, and your answering beam causes his breath to catch in his throat. This doesn’t feel real, it feels like a dream and a fairytale all at once – perhaps also combined with a nightmare because his brothers are watching and even Mikey has reappeared to gawk – as Leo twirls you gracefully.
He might feel out of place, but the two of you are perfectly in sync. You’re calm and flowing in his arms, your gown whirling and billowing behind you like a silent wave rolling against the shore with every step and spin, and you're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.
In all honesty, Leo has no idea what to say now that you’re in his arms. He should probably speak before it gets awkward, before you leave and he never gets to see you again, but his heart feels like its trapped in his throat and even the thought of speaking makes him nauseous as those butterflies continue to assault the lining of his stomach.
He thanks every deity he can name that you break the silence first. “Do I get to know the name of my dance partner?”
Your smile is wide and bright as you wait for his reply, and it takes Leo a moment to register your question. When he does, his answer is a stammering mess that makes it impossible for you to hide the gooey endearment on your face, eyes all-but moulding into little hearts as you slowly bridge the sliver of space between your bodies.
You can feel solid muscle flexing beneath your palms as his breath stutters, and you can’t hide the satisfied grin blooming across your lips, cheeks aching when his hand flattens against your spine and he extinguishes the final inch between you like smothering a flame – except the instance your chest is flush against his, that flame is burning brighter, roaring and scorching, and your eyes flutter as his lips brush yours in a whisper of a touch.
“And your name?” Leo asks, breath fanning your face and unable to tear his gaze away from you. “Don’t tell me it’s Cinderella.”
You laugh, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching, and Leo’s heart clenches in adoration. “That would be silly,” you tell him playfully, glancing down at your dress and pretending not to notice the way his eyes drop to your cleavage, pausing for a moment too long, as they follow yours. “I would never be so on the nose.”
“Of course, my mistake. I am terribly sorry for my misjudgement.”
“Although,” you admit, accepting his tongue-in-cheek apology with a mischievous dip of your chin and letting your lips roll to conceal a smile as you glance at him coyly from under your lashes, “I do actually have to leave before midnight.”
Leo blinks. “Don’t tell me this dress will turn to rags and your carriage is a pumpkin.”
You shrug nonchalantly and it’s Leo’s turn to laugh. “A girl has to have her secrets.”
“Are you hiding glass slippers beneath that skirt?”
“Oh, I bet you’d love to know what’s under my skirt, Leonardo.”
His face is hot, and Leo has never been more glad to be a turtle, green skin disguising a heated blush. “You’re a terrible tease.”
The music has stopped, and Leo reluctantly lets you step back, already missing the warmth of you as he takes in his surroundings as though seeing them for the first time, as if the two of you have been underwater, alone in the world, this entire time and have only just broken through to the surface.
It’s no longer just his brothers gawking; you’ve attracted quite the crowd with your dancing, and he realises he’s not sure how long the pair of you have been spinning away – it could have been a minute, or it could have been twenty.
As he glances at his brothers and does his best to ignore the whispering swarm, he’s not sure his face could get any hotter. Mikey is grinning widely, cheering and hooting and receiving plenty of dirty looks, not at all phased by the chastising glare Leo shoots him, while Donny and Raph look equal parts awed and confused, impressed and disgruntled.
Leo rolls his eyes and turns to face you again only to be met with the lingering scent of your perfume and empty space. Panic shoots through him like lightning and he’s about to rush for the nearest exit when he almost stomps on something.
His laugh is barking and loud and his brothers look even more confused as he picks up a heel. It’s not a glass slipper, but it is blue and there’s a slip of paper with a phone number and your name that Leo slips into his pocket.
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luaveltarot · 1 year
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🪞ᑭᗩᑕ🪞: ᗯᕼᗩT ᗪO YOᑌ ᒪOOK ᗷEᔕT Iᑎ?
🪩🪄✨📸
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ᑭIᒪE 1
Chaotic Art Academia/ Trendy Dark 🧲💣
Lol your style is the complete opposite of your selection of image which is the red necklace. It’s funny but let’s talk about what you look really good in. Ok so you are my simple 90’s minimalist chic girlies.
You look best in black but your other wardrobe faves could be denim, white, tan, grey and light blue. Your black/tan statement flat or mules go with just any outfit so keep wearing them. I see you have the masculine boss look to you which is again ironical with the pic you’ve chosen (I’m sorry, i don’t want to sound like a broken tape recorder but you get it, right?). Your black bodysuit looks really nice with tan trousers. Your oversized blazer enhances your style even more. I get that people love your choice in handbags, sling bags etc. You can still wear your white shoes everywhere, it goes with everything.
You accessories your outfit less, one ring , a bracelet and a watch does the job on most days for you (which is a lot for you ik). Your hair looks best when you leave them as they are and don’t fret over it being perfect and neat from all sides. You look tamed even with wild hair so don’t stress about it. 
ᑭIᒪE 2
Colourful trendy/ oh so miss perfect 🧸🛍
You like solid colour outfits and co-ord sets. You have a light and warmth to your fashion. It’s breezy, flowy and one feels bright when they look at you. You have a thing for light shades.
You look so hot if you wear turquoise liner to your eyes. You have a good sense of eye make up. You look your best in off-white and cream coloured shades. Coral, rust, latte and peach; shades of sunsets at a beach kind. You look feminine and in your power in midi dresses or tucked tops and midi skirts. Turtle neck tops and parallel trousers/ short skirts with belt accentuates your lean figure and you look taller.
You should wear heels often, it looks good on you. I don’t feel you are much of an accessory fan may be just a classy earring, also I think you don’t need accessories since your make up holds all the glamour. Instead I get you are more into hair accessories like hair scarves and hats. You understand your style very well so I don’t need to say anything more.
ᑭIᒪE 3
The hippie baby/ colourful vintage 🎨 🗝
Colourful butterflies or should I say vibrant chameleons ( not in a bad way,I just feel whatever you wear , that colour looks good on you). I get aquatic kind of neon colours, something that catches the eye. You wear colours related to water, wellness and nature.
You look best in pink-orange colours and light blue- dark blue colours, shades of sea and candy pink. You look best in patterned clothes which have a boho edge. You look elegant and put together in skirts with crop tops and even an oversized jumpsuit. I don’t get any specific styles that you look best in because you have many styles, your mood reflects in your outfits and you like to dress accordingly. Though you could look great in floral patterned clothes, beach prints and abstract arts.
You are into accessories, you match your bags, footwear and glasses accordingly. You could like to wear rings in all fingers and if you don’t then you should try it, I feel it will make you more chic even if you choose to dress lazily.
ᑭIᒪE 4
Boss chic/ Flashlight on you 🔦 📸
You have Capricorn placements? A prominent mercury or a moon sign. You are a fashionista and have the model look,no matter your size, right, colour or hair texture. You have a look that turns people’s head. Your colours are silver, gold, purple, blue , yellow and red.
You look best in striped tucked button up shirt and dark blue jeans. You can have shoulder length hair and it looks exquisite. You can even wear a gold pendant or chain frequently or always which make you look dapper and elite. Your aura is really surreal with specs of silver and gold making you look beautiful.
You should wear boots often because that will accentuate your outfit. Try a kimono if you haven’t or leave your shirt unbuttoned and wear a vest underneath. Also a crystal ring or crystal bracelet covered in some metal will suit you. You look hot in two piece sets too.
ᑭIᒪE 5
Travel beauty/ ‘Who is that charming girl ?’ They say 🤳💅🏼
You are a true beauty even when you feel you look homeless. You have the, ‘who is that girl?’ Look, especially at airports and in grocery stores or even the girl who just passed by. You remind me of the meme where a guy who is with a girl has turned his head to look at the other girl lol. Your social media got many stalkers too haha.
You look the best in all white but if you want colours then wear a black top and red skirt with pencil heels. I also see that you look best in brown and black. You have an air of innocence in your dressing style which is draws in people like bees to honey.
For accessories your would look nice in caps, sunglasses, a watch but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to wear jewellery, you can wear earrings and necklaces but I just feel you look pretty in simple styles with light make up and branded high quality clothes.
ᑭIᒪE 6
Ancient witch / mythological goddess 🪄
You have a traditional look to you. You look gorgeous in your ethnic clothes or from the culture you belong to. I feel when you dress up in your social standings, you stand out. Then when you wear casual clothes for regular days people are taken aback by your transformation because one minute you looked so transitional and next you look like a model posing for brands in pictures.
You look best in traditional outfits as mentioned before, besides that you look really cute like kittens in dresses. You look pretty in sleeveless tops and relaxed fit straight jeans. Even a beach resort shirt with a sports vest and cargo pants. You look best when you have a sporty vibe to your personality.
You should leave your hair open mostly and a pair of earrings in accessories will accentuate your outfit enough to make you look just enough. Colours like orange and yellow look good on you too.
ᑭIᒪE 7
Fairy in the forest 🧚🏻 / Invisible crown Queen 👑
For some reason I feel that people find you unreal and unique in your fashion. You give off the severity vibes with the way you dress that people feel they’ve encountered a beautiful garden where there are many flowers and greenery.
You look best in pastel/nude colours and especially floral prints. You should wear the nude pink dress with little floral prints, even I feel enchanted by your presence. Even fur clothes make you look attractive.
For accessories, you should wear pearls because it will give you the moon glow and go well with your pastel outfits. If you have been feeling like colouring your hair then take this sign as a yes you can and also don’t cut your hair short. Your hair holds all the beauty.
ᑭIᒪE 8
Mermaid around the corals 🪸 / Angelic Baby👼
You look so sweet and dreamy. You look beautiful in shimmery clothes or see through tops. Crochet knit tops, trousers and skirts.
You should incorporate more of shiny pinks and turquoise colours in your wardrobe. Also purple is your colour. Clothes with shells or accessories with shells will enhance your personality
Stop being shy and dress as you wish girl. I feel you hesitate a lot in dressing authentically. Embrace your ethereal beauty, stop being the mermaid who hides in the abyss of darkness to protect herself from intruders. You can look beautiful and still be in limelight, please don’t shy away.
ᑭIᒪE 9
Bad bitch who is all money 💰/ luxury femme fatale
You dress expensive. You have all the trendy high brand clothes which most people can only eye. You have all luxe accessories and make up products.
You look best in everything because all your clothes screams money and let’s admit, expensive clothes look good on everyone. Your silver dress, silver boots with silver earrings will look best just in case you ever felt confused about what to wear.
Don’t forget to paint your nails red because you are the classy and elite chickkkk. Always and I mean always wear necklaces and a heavy ring because they are meant to be shown off and not to be kept in drawers.
Thanks for reading. Have a lovely day or night wherever you are. Sending you love and healing energy:)
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squigglyscribble · 9 months
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Viren and the Stars
I don't post thoughts on here (this is my art sideblog), but I'm just putting it out there that I am a "Viren is gonna unlock the Star Arcanum" believer.
Viren’s arc has been about wanting a “bright future for humanity.” The Star Arcanum is concerned with divination and seeing beyond. And what would be a better primal match for our favorite scrungly man?
The reason I'm sharing these thoughts now is that Viren is clearly mirroring Callum's season 2 arc, wherein Callum did dark magic, fell into a dark magic coma, had some funky dreams, rejected his Dark Magic self, and then unlocked the Sky Arcanum.
Season 5 had Viren doing Dark Magic, fall into a dark magic coma, have some funky dreams, reject his Dark Magic self, aaaaand...
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Inquiring minds wanna know what will happen next?
I'll go into some "interesting" things I've noticed that could be hinting/alluding to Star Viren in the rest of this post.
Viren has been intimately close with a Startouch Elf—even performed a blood ritual with one, which produced a child. A star child. (Credit to Crusoe for the image)
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For two years, Viren was encased in a Star Silk Cocoon, and what would emerge from a Star Silk cocoon...
but a Star-related entity? Butterfly Viren, I'm looking at you.
Aesthetically, the color Purple is associated with the Star Arcanum (its symbol is often depicted in purple, Aaravos’s horns are purple, what little clothing he wears is purple, Sir Sparklepuff is purple, quasar diamonds are purple, Stella’s eyes are purple).
Viren was originally conceived with purple eyes (but this was changed to gray so people wouldn’t think he was a “half-elf”),
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(yes this is legit from TDPO, Viren originally had purple eyes)
Viren wears a purple brooch on his clothing, and (for a long time) he carried around Ziard’s staff, which has a purple gem in it. His ex-wife Lissa's favorite flowers were lilacs (purple), and his daughter Claudia has purple-tipped hair.
Needless to say, Viren is surrounded by the color purple.
The intro to seasons 4-5 has Viren underneath a field of stars:
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Season 4, episode 2, "Fallen Stars" has Viren falling off the Storm Spire. It's a stretch, but the titles always have double meaning.
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In season 5, Viren has a vision of Claudia in a red sea while dreaming and awake:
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(Of a note: how did he know what flower Terry had given Claudia? HMMM)
Visions are one of the properties of the Star Arcanum.
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Speaking of which--"vision," "truth," "destiny"--these are all words Viren says quite often. One big moment was at the end of season 5 when Viren says, before he walks off to die--
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"I finally see the TRUTH"
As for "wishes," well... Coin Viren falls into water. Like a wishing well.
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After Viren throws off his crown in his Twin Peaks dream sequence, the immediate next shot is a shooting star.
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One of the final shots of the season, is Viren's eye reflecting a sea of stars.
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Which, by the way, we also see on The Tales of Xadia cover, where Viren has the Star Arcanum symbol as an eye:
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Anyway. So. Maybe I'm clowning and this all doesn't mean anything. Maybe it's all just mean to emphasize the connection Viren and Aaravos have. But... I tend to think things happen for a reason. And there's just so many little things here and there which seem to be amassing to Viren in someway being connected to the Stars.
As for that this means for the future, I don't know, but I can only hope it means the future is bright.
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lizziespoem · 8 months
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dalmatians cupid | nanami ͏⸺ one shot
͏⸺Various hilarious faces and figures hid in the angel-white cloud seam, over foaming the blue sky like the gently rushing waves of calm sea and the pink blossoms of the fairytale cherry trees scattered like the glorious dreams of the pedestrians over the freshly mowed meadows as the roofs of the tall buildings shone on the horizon and the wind chases the scent of the blooming wildflowers through the small gaps between the towering trees. Purple and blue plums hung from the branches of the trees, waiting to be picked up, clutched by the thorny bushes of black blackberries and the little hidden currant bushes, it was truly a colorful sea of a thousand colors.
A slight warmth tingled under your chest as you were under the green leaves hiding from the bright sunshine, your legs were folded over each other and on your lap laid one of the oldest books you had ever owned, but you loved with all your heart, while next to the park bench and next to you your beloved Dalmatian had laid down on the grass and enjoyed like the sun rays shone on his black spots, the red leash of your dog was stuck under your thighs.
It was one of your well-deserved days off and you couldn’t imagine anything better than sitting between the fluttering butterflies and the fragrant flowers, while your eyes were fixed on one of your favorite books and your dog beside you peacefully enjoying the peace, there were rarely moments in which you were so calm.
So absorbed in the lines of your book, you did not noticed as your dog pulled her ears back and lifted her head slightly to look around before her gaze landed on another Dalmatian, her tail began to wag frantically and it took her only a second when your dog pulled out the leash under your thigh and started to run towards the other dog.
It was almost after five as the tall blonde man looked at the watch around his wrist, letting a small sigh leaving his mouth as if he didn't wanted to believe that the time ran away from him, when his angelic boy came to him and after an attentive barking the dog his head rubbed against Kentos leg to extract a rough laugh from his throat as he stroked the head of his dog “I know, i know, it's time for a walk”
Kento Nanami could not deny that his time was limited and he probably would never have bought a dog himself, but when he had discovered the little Dalmatian on the street at that one night he did not have the heart to leave him a shelter and took him home with him.
The tall men stretched his upper body before pulling his shirt down, after it had slipped a slight bit higher, his gaze fell to his blazer leaning over the back of his chair, but he shakes his head as he leans over to his desk letting his hand slip through the fur of the white cat, that was sleeping between the stacking papers “try to make not too much of a mess”
Kento could feel the hasty footsteps of his dog by the ruffled pulling on the dark leash, and although the man had a tremendous strength in his body, was it his dog that had pulled him through half the park until his steps became slower and more cautious, when Kento decided to look around and trying to find the reason of the behavior of his dog and then his gaze caught you.
He couldn't deny that even by the look of your back you looked astonishing, the way the sunlight peeked through the dancing leaves letting small rays of sunshine lighting some strands of your hair, the way your back was a little bit bent as you sat on the dark blue bench under the willow tree, he would certainly have noticed more things about you if his dog had pulled the leash out of his hand and started to run towards you.
Helplessly you try to call your dog’s name in the hope that she would turn around, but she didn't and all you had left was to run after her and try to grab the leash, just like Kento, you ran after your dog and tried to reach for the leash, however before you could catch the end of the red leash your dalmatian had already stopped running unlike Kento, who covered the end of the leash with his hand.
“are you okay, madam?” Kento cleared his throat in embarrassment and scratched the back of his head with his free hand, slightly straining his arm as he studied your face, when you politely smiled at him with a nod “yes, thank you. forgive me if…”
Everything you wanted to do was to apologize if your dog irritated his dog, but before you could apologize, you felt like something wrapping around your legs and as your eyes fell down you saw the dark leash of the other dog wrapped around your legs and the legs of the man as the leash pulled them closely together, but before either of you could react, it was already too late and you two are losing your balance falling into the small pond of the park.
The hands of Kento grabbed you by your waist as he tried to lift you above his body so you wouldn't touch the muddy ground of the pond and with a loud splash the two of you landed in the cold water, elicited a little scream out of your throat as you feel the cold water touching you.
“did you hurt yourself, madam?” the blonde man asked as soon as the scream left you mouth looking at you laying over his chest, as your hair was falling into your face and all of your strains were dripping wet, gently his hand stroked the wet strains behind your ear to take a look at your face to see if you were alright “I must apologize about my dog”
Kento would have expected anything that you would shout at him or even insult him for the foolishness of his dog, but to his surprise, the corners of your mouth moved up and a heartfelt laugh crawled out of your stomach, causing a strange warmth to fill the empty space around his heart as his lips couldn't help but smile.
“I must say I’ve outdone myself again for embarrassment” he whispered as he looked at you, letting his hands travel to your chest under your arms to help you up at the muddy pond while he was standing up by himself. The both of you were soaking wet as the water drop ran down on your bodies and soaked water in your clothes dripped on the surface of the pond, as a sweet smile light up on your glossy lips “well I'm glad to share this experience with you”
Again the corners of his mouth lifted and he lifted his shirt a little bit to wring out the fabric, exposing the defined abs that were hidden behind the fabric “I couldn't imagine anyone better to share this with”
“I am Kento Nanami” he charmingly holded his hand in front of you as you take it to shake it gently “y/n y/ln”
Kento was the first to carefully climb out of the pond, then stretch out his hands to you so you could embrace them with yours and climb out easier without even fearing to slip on the muddy ground inside the pond again as your eyes fell onto your both dog, mindlessly laying on the grass while innocently looking at Kento and you.
“I truly apologize for ruining your clothes” he tried to apologize again as he ran his hands through his wet blonde hair, studying the wet fabric hugging and sticking to your body. His thoughts wandered back when his fingers had embraced your waist, he couldn’t help wishing to touch it again and even though he didn't wanted to escape his thoughts, he cleared his throat and asked “Do you want me to take you home?”
Your gaze wanders to your Dalmatian who gently tilted her head when you nodded to accept his offer “That would be really nice”
Maybe it was meant to be, the thought was crawling into the mind of Kento as he walked next to the passing cars looking over his right shoulder listening to you rambling about your beloved book as he couldn't help getting drunk with every word that left your mouth. In his eyes you looked like one of those dreams a painter must have to create a masterpiece, you shone like a sky full of stars yet too mesmerizing to touch, you spoke like an idea a writer would have yet too unique and complex to describe.
As soon as you stopped walking his gaze landed on the building behind you, traveling down at your dogs before looking back into your eyes “Would you go out with me by any chance? I may not have made the best impression, but I’d really like to see you again”
Your cheeks burned as you smiled “Yes, i would like that”
© 2023 LIZZIESPOEM. please do not copy any of my writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.
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ikolaiigh · 8 months
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Poor Unfortunate Souls
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𝑻𝑾/𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺..Prince!Chuuya, The little mermaid AU, drowning, thunderstorms, injuries, romantic tension, strangers to lovers, Mermaid!Reader, Fantasy Violence, Pet names, both Chuuya and reader are disgustingly in love,Reader and chuuya are down bad for each other, Love at First Sight, Idiots in Love, Reader is called 'Princess' and later on 'Queen', Weddings, Songfic.
𝑷𝑨𝑰𝑹𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺: Prince!Chuuya Nakahara x Mermaid!Reader
𝑮𝑬𝑵𝑹𝑬: Fluff, angst, hurt/comfort.
𝑺𝑼𝑴𝑴𝑨𝑹𝒀: The ocean was wide, yet everything was very much the same for you, that is until you save a human prince from a shipwreck. Despite only having met once for a short period, the two Royals become infatuated with each other, The human wanting to know who saved them and you resolve to do whatever it takes to become part of his world.
𝘈/𝘕: here we are yet again! I never expected the support that received from the last one so thank you! I appreciate it sm <33 I had some difficulty in starting this chapter but I finished it off! Btw Yosano's dialog was based on the song "She's in Love" from the Broadway version! Yet again I thank @yuugen-benni for helping me out, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! ♡
-For "Poor Unfortunate Souls" Listen to Jonas's brother's version or annapantsu! Since it fits better with the ambiance and everything, the fanart is by nixnyr.
Under The Sea - Poor Unfortunate Souls - Next..
"𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐭𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞." -𝐇𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐧
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Watching through the eyes of the merman's, a man concealed in the shadows of a dimly lit cave couldn't contain his malevolent delight. His sinister chuckle reverberated through the cavern as he reveled in his fortunate discovery.
"Well, well, well... Isn't this just too easy?" he mused, a twisted grin spreading across his face. His eyes narrowed with a wicked glint as he observed the trembling merfolk, their shrimp-like forms quivering in fear before him.
"But it's not just any love, is it?" he continued, his voice dripping with malicious amusement. "No, no, no. This young mermaid has fallen for a human—a prince, to be precise. Oh, how adorably naive!"
As his purple eyes gleamed with malevolence, the man reveled in the thought of the chaos he could sow. His dark intentions fueled his sadistic pleasure."I can already picture it," he mused, his smirk growing more pronounced. "The king, oh, he will be furious when he discovers his precious daughter is smitten with a mere human. The scandal, the outrage—it will be exquisite."
His attention then shifted, considering a more nefarious plan. "The king's daughter would make the perfect addition to my flourishing garden," he whispered, casting a sinister gaze upon the cursed merfolk at the entrance of the cave.
In the depths of his depravity, he relished the thought of ensnaring the young princess, both to taunt her father and to satisfy his twisted desires. The man's demeanor exuded a chilling mix of cruelty and madness, promising nothing but darkness and despair for those caught in his snare.
Days after your encounter with the prince, you found yourself lying on your bed, a blissful smile gracing your face. Thoughts of the prince consumed your mind—, His beautiful smile, the way he held your hand, the twinkle of his mismatched eyes in the sunlight, and the way his laughter filled you with butterflies—it was all you could think about. Lost in your thoughts, you were pulled back to reality when your sister, Yosano, called for you.
"[Name]! Come out, you've been there all morning," Yosano called out impatiently, assuming you had once again snuck away.
Emerging from behind the curtain, you swam out with a contented smile still playing on your lips. Ignoring Yosano's shocked expression, you swam past her and settled next to Ranpo, glancing at your reflection in the mirror as you gently smoothed your hair, still humming a sweet tune.
Higuchi and Ranpo exchanged glances, then turned to Yosano, silently seeking an explanation. Taken aback, she replied to their unspoken question, her astonishment mirroring theirs. Once again, their eyes shifted to you, observing your actions as you fixed your hair, plucked a flower from a coral, and inhaled its fragrance. You playfully toyed with its petals while swimming away from the mirror, making you accidentally bump into your father.
"Morning, Dad," you greeted him cheerfully, placing the flower in his hair. With a final smile, you left the room, your lovesick aura still intact as you resumed humming.
"Oh, she's got it bad," Ranpo grimaced, watching you disappear from the room, aware of the reason behind your lovesickness.
"What? What's going on?" Fukuzawa asked, his gaze shifting from his son to the space where you had departed.
"Isn't it obvious?" Higuchi smiled, her eyes following your path. She couldn't help but feel a pang of envy, she couldn't help but wish it were her instead.
"I must say! The girl is swimming in circles, chasing around her tail! [Name] is clearly in love!" Yosano chimed in, smirking as she adjusted the butterfly pin on her head. She wondered who had captured your heart.
"[Name]? In love?" Fukuzawa's disbelief was evident. Out of all his children, you seemed the least likely to fall for someone else. He removed the flower from his hair, smiling softly.
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You swam gracefully through the crystal-clear waters, the shimmering sunlight dancing on your fins as you ventured deeper. Sigma followed close behind, his fins twitching. Finding a comfortable rock near a vibrant coral reef adorned with a myriad of blooming flowers, you settled yourself down. Gently, you plucked a delicate blossom, savoring the soft caress of its petals against your fingertips, your infectious grin never wavered, displaying your joy.
Sigma swam back and forth beside you, his fins twitching with anxiety. His voice carried a hint of concern as he spoke, "Okay, so far, I don't think the King knows."
"But keeping something like this a secret won't be easy for long," Sigma remarked, spitting out a stray petal that had found its way into his mouth. He shot you an annoyed glare, clearly displeased.Meanwhile, you propped yourself up on your elbows, enjoying the view above Sigma. You playfully tucked a pink flower behind your ear, and your smile remained unwavering.
"He loves me," you whispered, gently caressing the petals of the flower in your hand. You plucked another petal, a mischievous glint in your eyes.
"Hmm, he loves me not," you scoffed, rolling your eyes playfully. Annoyance tinged your tail's movements, but as you picked the last petal, realization washed over you.
"He loves me!" you giggled, cradling the petal against your chest. Kicking your tail playfully, you turned over, lying on your back with an ear-to-ear grin. "I knew it!"
"[Name], stop talking crazy!" Sigma lectured, swimming towards your side, concern etched on his face as he rested his hands on his waist.
"I gotta see him again, Tonight! Dazai knows where he lives." You got up and started to swim away but Sigma grabbed your tail fin.
"Princess, please!" Sigma pleaded, swimming along with you, attempting to stop your impulsive rambling. "Will you get your head out of the clouds and back in the water where it belongs?"
"I'll swim up to his castle, and then Atsushi will splash around to get his attention, then we'll go-" you excitedly continued, completely ignoring Sigma's advice
"Down here is your home!" Sigma groaned in frustration, positioning himself in front of you, determined to bring you back to reality.
"[Name], listen to me, The human world, it's a mess, life under the seaIs better than anything they got up there," Sigma implored, a reassuring smile on his face as he gently guided you to sit back down on the enchanting reef. As you settled comfortably on the rock, he positioned himself in front of you, making sure to maintain eye contact, his concern mixed with genuine affection.
"The seaweed is always greener, in somebody else's lake," Sigma sang, his voice resonating through the underwater depths. As he looked around, he noticed that your attention wasn't focused on him, determined to captivate you, he gracefully swam towards you, his movements fluid and mesmerizing. With gentle precision, his fingers delicately caught your chin, directing your gaze toward him.
"You dream about going up there, but that is a big mistake," Sigma said, his expression filled with concern. Yet, in response to his seriousness, you couldn't help but smirk ever so slightly, intrigued by his words.
"Just look at the world around you, right here on the ocean floor," Sigma encouraged, his voice filled with conviction. In a graceful motion, he took hold of your hand, twirling you in a joyous dance beneath the waves.
"Such wonderful things surround you. What more is you lookin' for?" Sigma sang, his eyes fixed on you, his voice brimming with joy. At that moment, as if responding to the magic of the ocean, a couple of fish appeared, swirling gracefully around the two of you. Their vibrant colors and playful antics brought joy to your heart, and you couldn't help but giggle as one of the fish playfully planted a gentle kiss on your cheek.
"Under the sea, under the sea," Sigma exclaimed as he deftly gathered his two-toned hair and expertly tied it into a neat bun. With his preparations complete, he began gracefully swimming around you, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"Darling, it's better, down where it's wetter. Take it from me," Sigma sang, his grin widening as he took your hand and guided you towards his magnificent casino. As you swam together, the vibrant corals painted a mesmerizing tapestry around you, captivating your senses. But it was the sight of the grand casino logo that truly caught your attention.
"Up on the shore, they work all day, Out in the sun they slave away," Sigma dramatized, playfully draping an arm across his face. You couldn't help but chuckle, appreciating his theatrical flair. Sigma glanced back at you, a mischievous smile dancing on his lips.
"While we devotin', Full time to floatin' Under the sea," Sigma sang, his voice filled with joyous melodies. Together, you ventured inside the casino, mesmerized by the kaleidoscope of colors that adorned the interior. Merfolk patrons, immersed in the thrill of games, lined the area, while a lively band played on the stage. Sigma swam towards the stage, where a spirited ginger merman skillfully played the drums—Tachihara.
"Down here all the fish is happy, As off through the waves they roll," Sigma sang in harmony with Tachihara's rhythmic beats. As you watched their performance, captivated by the infectious energy, you noticed a playful dolphin gracefully swimming in elegant circles around the perimeter of the casino.
"The fish on the land ain't happy, They sad 'cause they in their bowl," Sigma mused with a hint of mock sympathy, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. Tachihara's grin widened, the camaraderie between them evident as they continued to sing and play.
"But fish in the bowl is lucky, They in for a worser fate," Sigma sang, his voice carrying a touch of irony. With a playful twinkle in his eyes, he swam towards you, gently guiding you to a chair before darting back to the stage. As you settled into your seat, your gaze wandered around the casino, and a smirk tugged at your lips when you noticed a merman losing a bet, his crestfallen expression momentarily amusing you.
"One day when the boss get hungry, Guess who's gon' be on the plate?" Tachihara and Sigma sang in perfect harmony, their voices blending seamlessly. The infectious rhythm and energy of the song ignited a wave of excitement, causing the merfolk in the vicinity to join in, swaying and dancing to the beat.
"Oh, no, under the sea, under the sea," Sigma continued, his grin playful and contagious as he swam in playful circles around Tachihara. Their synchronized movements and lively energy filled the space, causing their fins to twitch with joy.
"Nobody beat us, Fry us and eat us,In fricassee," Sigma declared, his words filled with confidence. As you reveled in the enchanting atmosphere, your attention turned to a cluster of colorful flowers nearby. Tenderly, you reached out to caress one of them, only to discover that it was not a mere bloom but a delightful seahorse. Surprise flashed across your face, and at that moment, more seahorses emerged, swimming in playful circles around you, eliciting joyous giggles from your lips.
"We're what the land folks love to cook, But under the sea, we're off the hook," Sigma sang with infectious enthusiasm, his voice brimming with energy as he danced to the lively beat. However, his joy was momentarily interrupted when his tail became entangled in a net. He shot a disgusted glance at it before skillfully freeing himself and casting the net aside.
"Here, we've got no troubles, life is just bubbles, under the sea," Sigma sang with a radiant smile, his voice resonating with pure joy. The infectious energy of the music drew more merfolk and fish to the stage, creating a vibrant gathering of singing and dancing. Sigma gracefully swam back to the stage, joining the spirited performance with his mesmerizing presence.
"Since life is so sweet here, we've got the beat here, naturally," Sigma continued to sing, his voice infused with a sense of bliss. As you watched him dance to the rhythm, a gentle smile tugged at your lips, realizing that you had never seen him so genuinely carefree and immersed in the moment.
"Even the sturgeon and the ray, they feel the urge and join the play," Sigma sang, his eyes scanning the crowd as he noticed that the majority of merfolk had succumbed to the infectious rhythm, surrendering themselves to the pure delight of the music. Among them, you recognized Tecchou and Teruko, skillfully playing their respective instruments—a flute and a harp. Their melodies blended seamlessly with Sigma's voice, creating a magical harmony that resonated throughout the Casino's haven.
"We've got the spirit, you've got to hear it," Sigma exclaimed with boundless energy, his body still moving in sync with the lively rhythm. Atsushi unexpectedly emerged from the crowd, a smile illuminating his face as he gracefully weaved through the singing fish. Suddenly, his gaze locked onto you, and a mischievous glimmer sparked in his eyes as he quickened his pace. Skillfully navigating through the sea of merfolk, he attempted to maintain a semblance of discretion.
However, his attempts to be inconspicuous were short-lived, as a playful string unexpectedly snared him, entangling him in a dance with the fish who had captured him. Atsushi squirmed and wriggled, determined to break free from their impromptu hold. With a burst of agility, he skillfully maneuvered himself out of the rope's clutches, a triumphant grin on his face. With a whisper that only you could hear, he beckoned you to follow him, and you both silently slipped away, leaving Sigma unaware of your departure.
"Under the sea," Sigma began singing once more, turning around to search for you, only to find that you were no longer by his side. A sigh escaped his lips, a hint of disappointment mingled with his annoyance.
"Somebody's got to nail her tail to the ground," Sigma grumbled, a touch of annoyance coloring his voice. Determined to ensure the satisfaction of his customers, he left the stage behind, venturing into the casino to offer his assistance. However, before he could attend to any concerns, a small seahorse swiftly swam toward him.
"Your Highness! Your Highness!" A tiny seahorse called out, urgently seeking Sigma's attention. Startled, Sigma turned his focus to the seahorse, concern etching his features.
"Whoa, hey, what's the matter?" Sigma inquired, his voice filled with genuine worry, while the seahorse took a moment to catch its breath after its swift swim.
"I've been searching high and low for you. I bear an urgent message from the king. He insists on seeing you immediately! It's regarding [Name]," the seahorse relayed, its words laced with a sense of urgency. Without wasting another moment, the seahorse swiftly darted away, leaving Sigma to grapple with a growing sense of apprehension.
"He knows," Sigma muttered, his voice barely above a whisper, a gasp escaping his lips. Panic washed over him, evident in his wide eyes and the furrowed lines on his forehead.
"Hey, let's see now. Oh, who could the lucky mermaid or merman be?" Fukuzawa's infectious laughter filled the air as he playfully twirled a vibrant flower in his hands. With a composed demeanor, he straightened himself upon noticing Sigma's arrival at the doorway.
"Come in, Sigma," Fukuzawa beckoned, his smile ever-present. The merman took a deep breath, attempting to calm his racing thoughts, before stepping forward to stand before the regal throne.
"I mustn't overreact. I must remain calm," Sigma whispered to himself, trying to find solace in his own words. He took a deep breath, attempting to steady his trembling fins, and responded to Fukuzawa in a voice that betrayed his inner turmoil.
"Yes?" Sigma's voice wavered, the sound escaping in a squeaky tone that revealed his unease. His face flushed, caught between anxiety and embarrassment, as he addressed the regal presence before him. "Yes, Your Majesty?"
"Sigma, I'm concerned about [Name]," Fukuzawa voiced his worries, unaware of the hidden turmoil within Sigma. "She's been daydreaming, humming to herself... Surely you've noticed, hmm?"
"Oh, well, I—" Sigma began, his words faltering and his fins trembling involuntarily. He strained to maintain his posture and replied with a shaky voice, trying to regain control.
"Sigma," Fukuzawa's voice called him back to attention, his gaze now fixed on the uneasy merman.
"Your Highness?" Sigma replied, his voice barely above a whisper, betraying his turmoil.
"I know you've been keeping something from me," Fukuzawa stated, motioning for Sigma to come closer. Nervously, Sigma ascended the steps and positioned himself in front of the majestic throne.
"Keeping something?" Sigma mumbled, a forced, nervous grin plastered across his face as he willed his trembling tail to still. The strain of his anxiety threatened to consume him, like an impending tidal wave crashing against his resolve.
"About [Name]?" Fukuzawa pressed his smile both knowing and playful. His trident pointed toward Sigma in a teasing manner.
"[Name?]" Sigma uttered hesitantly, his anxiety mounting. He maintained the façade of a smile, but his insides churned with apprehension.
"In love?" Fukuzawa pressed, his smile both knowing and playful. His trident pointed toward Sigma in a teasing manner.
"I... I tried to stop her, sir!" Sigma blurted out, his words tumbling forth in a rush of nerves. He desperately clung to the armrest of the throne, seeking support amid the mounting pressure. "She wouldn't listen! I told her to stay away from humans! They are bad! They are trouble! They—"
"Humans?" Fukuzawa interjected, his voice filled with an unexpected intensity. Rising from his throne, he glared at Sigma, a mix of anger and concern surfacing in his features. "What about humans?"
"Humans?" Sigma chuckled nervously, his words faltering as he instinctively began to retreat, his voice laced with a nervous ramble. "Who said anything about humans?"
And in that instant, Sigma realized he had made a grave mistake—one that would have extreme consequences.
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"Can't you just tell me, Atsushi...?" you asked softly, a slight frown creasing your forehead. Curiosity piqued within you, longing to discover what awaited inside the grotto.
"It's a surprise!" Atsushi beamed, his eyes gleaming with mischief as he looked at you. Leading the way, he guided you to the entrance of the grotto, anticipation building with each step.
"Well, now close your eyes!" Atsushi declared, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. With a resigned sigh, you complied, though an urge to peek tempted you. Atsushi, sensing your intent, quickly covered your eyes with his hand, ensuring the surprise remained intact. Together, you ventured further into the cave, the sound of the rock sliding back into place echoing faintly behind you, signaling your arrival at the designated spot.
"Okay, open them!" Atsushi exclaimed, standing before you. Eagerly complying, you slowly unveiled your eyes, and as the delicate beam of light from above illuminated the cave, your eyes widened with surprise. There, right in front of you, was the statue of Chuuya—the very statue salvaged from the wreckage of the ship that fateful night. Nearly true to size, it captured Chuuya's essence, portraying him as the embodiment of determination and heroism, though his signature smile was absent.
"Atsushi, you're the best!" you exclaimed, unable to contain your joy. A bright smile adorned your face as you enveloped your friend in a heartfelt hug, grateful for the gesture.Drawing closer to the statue, you reached out, your hand gently cupping Chuuya's concrete cheek, feeling the coolness of the material beneath your touch. Though his pose may have been exaggerated and his hair fixed somewhat uncomfortably, there was an undeniable beauty in the way the statue portrayed Chuuya.
"Why, Chuuya, run away with you?" you giggled playfully, your voice echoing through the cavern. You leaned your head on the statue's shoulder, a gesture filled with whimsy. "Oh, this is all so, so sudden,"
"Don't you think you're getting a bit...you know...worked up?" Atsushi interjected, his face contorting into a slight grimace. He observed you closely, concern etched across his features until he sensed a presence looming behind him.
"Can you blame me? He is perfect," you replied dreamily, completely absorbed in admiring the statue of Chuuya. Caught up in the moment, you twirled around with laughter, momentarily forgetting your surroundings. But as your gaze shifted, a sudden change in your expression signaled a shift in the atmosphere. Your laughter faded as you locked eyes with your father, standing sternly in the shadows, a disapproving glare fixed upon you. Atsushi instinctively swam to your side, sensing the tension in the air. Meanwhile, Sigma lingered behind your father, unable to face you.
"Father?" you called out, your voice laced with a mixture of shock and fear, as the weight of his disapproving presence settled upon you.
"I consider myself to be a reasonable king," Fukuzawa spoke in a low, chilling tone that sent shivers down your spine. Instinctively, you unconsciously swam back a bit, a reflexive response to the intensity in his voice. "I set certain rules, and I expect those rules to be obeyed."
"But—" you pleaded, desperation seeping into your voice, only to be swiftly silenced.
"Is it true you rescued a Prince from drowning? A human Prince!" Fukuzawa's voice dripped with fury as he swam towards you, his anger palpable."Dad, I had to—" you exclaimed, attempting to reason with him, but your father's icy glare silenced you.
"Contact between two species is strictly forbidden! You know that! Everyone knows that!" Fukuzawa's tone turned cold, his gaze unwavering as he locked eyes with you.
"He would have died!" you chided incredulously, your voice filled with disbelief. The shock settled in, realizing that your own father, the protector of all merfolk, expected you to let someone die in such a cruel manner.
"One less human to worry about!" Fukuzawa spat, his words seething with anger as he glared at you.
"I'm sorry that I don't want to be a murderer like you," you sneered, your voice laden with anger and contempt. Atsushi and Sigma looked on in shock as the words escaped your lips, taken aback by the sudden shift in your demeanor. Defiantly, you approached your father, unflinchingly meeting his fury with a cold glare of your own as you continued, "Do you think I don't know about all the atrocities your guards were sent to commit? You try to protect me and hide your past, but you keep making the same mistakes."
"And besides, you don't even know him!" you yelled, your anger seething. Huffs of frustration punctuated your words as you maintained a fierce gaze, refusing to back down. Atsushi and Sigma stood in stunned silence, their eyes widening in disbelief as you unleashed your pent-up frustration.
"Know him?! All humans are equal! They are born to destroy! They're incapable of any feeling!" Fukuzawa's voice thundered with anger, his glare intense as he shouted. The force of his words reverberated through the chamber, a display of his growing fury.
"Father, I love him!" you yelled back, your anger matching his intensity as you locked eyes with him. But as the words left your lips, a shockwave of realization rippled through you, the weight of your admission hitting you with full force.
"Have you lost your mind?! He's a human! You're a mermaid!" Fukuzawa's disbelief resonated in his voice, his gaze fixed upon you, searching for any sign of reason.
"Guess what? I don't care," you stated firmly, your anger burning bright as you held your head high, facing your father.
"So help me, [Name]! I am going to get through to you," the king declared, his voice laced with frustration and determination. Raising his trident, the weapon shimmered brightly in his grip as he pointed it toward a nearby globe. With a surge of power, the globe shattered into countless pieces, scattered by the force unleashed by his trident.
"NO!" you screamed at your father, the anguish of your voice echoing through the chamber. Atsushi swiftly moved to your side, wrapping his arms around you, offering solace as tears finally spilled from your eyes, uncontrollable and full of pain.
Fukuzawa continued to wield his trident, his wrath unrelenting. Pointing it in another direction, he unleashed bolts of power, obliterating more of the treasures you had accumulated throughout the years—The artifacts, accumulated throughout your lifetime, shattered into fragments or melted away, losing their form and essence.
"Dad, please!" you implored, your voice cracking with desperation, but your father remained silent, relentless in his assault on your cherished belongings. The bolts of energy continued to rain down upon your treasures. Sigma watched in terror at the destruction, while Atsushi, his face filled with concern, struggled to hold you tightly in his arms.
"Dad, please! Don't!" you yelled with desperation, breaking free from Atsushi's grasp. You swam frantically, attempting to reach your father, desperately trying to stop his arms as they pointed the trident towards the statue of Chuuya. The bolt of energy hit its mark directly causing the statue to crumble from within, reduced to a mere cloud of dust and tiny, crumbly pieces that floated aimlessly through the cove.
Staring at the remnants of the statue, you swam towards it, your eyes fixated on the spot where it once stood. It was a symbol of your deepest longings, now shattered and lost in an instant. Overwhelmed with grief, you fell to the ground, crying, your palms tightly covering your eyes as sobs wracked through your throat.
Fukuzawa extended a hand towards you, his expression softening, but he stopped himself mid-air and walked away. Sigma observed Fukuzawa's departure, then turned his attention back to you, swimming closer with a guilt-ridden look on his face.
"[Name], I—" Sigma began softly, his voice filled with remorse, but before he could say more, you interjected with a venomous tone.
"Just go away!" you gritted through your teeth, your anger seething as you rushed out your words, your face still hidden deep within the palms of your hands. You knew that if you looked up, you would unleash your frustrations on Sigma, screaming in fury, your tail flicked with disdain.
Sigma winced visibly, his arm lowering from its intended reach towards you. He glanced briefly at Atsushi, who appeared conflicted but understood that overwhelming you with his presence at that moment would only worsen things. Slowly, Sigma swam out of the cave, with Atsushi following closely behind, leaving you to confront your emotions on your own.
As you continued to sob at the bottom of your grotto, believing yourself to be alone, a pair of eyes stared intently at your form. They had been waiting for this moment, knowing it was their chance to intervene. Slowly emerging from hiding, the two merman swam in circles around you, their presence palpable.
"Poor child," one of the mermen sneered, casting a disdainful gaze upon you, while his companion nodded in feigned sympathy.
"Poor sweet thing," the white-haired merman cooed deceptively, his voice laced with faux concern. His cold red eyes bore into you as he circled, his intent unmistakable.
"She has a very serious issue..." the jet-black-haired one remarked, his gaze still fixed upon you, his smirk betraying a sense of amusement. The two of them continued their circling, an air of mischief surrounding them.
"If only there was something we could do..." the white-haired merman spoke again, his tone dripping with insincere sadness, his eyes fixed on you, analyzing your reaction. He then positioned himself closer to his eel-like companion, their presence becoming more imposing.
"But there is something..." the jet-black merman chimed in gleefully, his yellow eyes twinkling mischievously. He shot a knowing glance at his companion, a wide grin etched upon his face.
"Who... Who are you two?" you demanded, your anger simmering as you furrowed your brow, your guard firmly in place.
"Do not be frightened..." Shibusawa smiled sweetly, his red eyes piercing as he stood in front of you, his gaze unwavering. Meanwhile, Mushitarou slithered around you like a cat, sneering in a taunting manner.
"We represent someone who can help you," Mushitarou smiled, his voice layered with sinister undertones. Annoyed by his intrusion, you glared back, your patience wearing thin, you watched as he left to rejoin Shibusawa, his tail lifting your chin in a mocking gesture.
"Someone who can make all your dreams come true. Just imagine it—a reunion with your prince," they said in unison, their smiles widening as they spoke.
"I don't get it," you said, a mix of confusion and intrigue crossing your features, the idea of someone offering a solution to your heart's desires captivating your attention.
"Fyodor possesses great powers," Shibusawa revealed, a dark chuckle escaping him as he flashed a sinister grin, drawing closer to your face, his eyes locked with yours.
"The sea demon...?" you asked, anxiety creeping into your voice as you regarded both of them. "I couldn't..."
You contemplated the offer presented to you, grappling with a surge of desperation that you had never experienced before. The thought of being with Chuuya without the constant worry of the demon's tricks enticed you, even if only for a fleeting moment.
"No. Get out of here. Leave me alone!" you declared, your eyes narrowed in defiance as you turned away from them, determined to resist their tempting offer.
"Very well then... it was merely a suggestion..." Shibusawa's voice trailed off as he swam away, a smug smile adorning his face. Mushitarou followed suit, his expression one of disdain.
Yet, as you gazed upon the stone profile of Chuuya, your heart shattered. Deep within, you contemplated the risks, the dangers, and the price you might pay for just a fleeting moment with Chuuya. Even if it meant sacrificing your own well-being, your desperate longing compelled you.
"Wait!" you yelled out, your voice filled with uncertainty and a hint of desperation.
"Yes...?" Shibusawa responded, his voice taking on a menacing tone, a dark grin spreading across his face as he addressed you, relishing in the opportunity that had presented itself.
"Guide me to him," you firmly ordered, your gaze unwavering as you looked at both Shibusawa and Mushitarou.
"Then follow me, Your Highness," Shibusawa responded with a sickly sweet smile, his voice laced with malice as he locked eyes with you.
Somewhere amidst the reef, Sigma and Atsushi continued to swim in circles, unaware of the unfolding events.
"I didn't mean to tell," Sigma swore, guilt evident in his voice as his tail twitched anxiously. "It was an accident!"
"I know, Sigma," Atsushi replied, sadness etched across his features as he kicked a pebble with his tail. He looked up and noticed you swimming alongside the two mermen. Locking eyes with Sigma, they shared a silent understanding before swiftly swimming toward your figure.
"[Name]!" Sigma called out, swimming closer to you. "Where are you going?!"
"I'm going to see Fyodor," you responded bluntly, your tone resolute and your frown firmly set. It was clear that you had no intention of changing your mind or heeding any objections.
"What?! [Name], no! Fyodor is dangerous, he's a demon!" Sigma exclaimed, worry etched across his features as he tried to reach out to you. However, you shot him a glare that spoke volumes, silently warning him not to interfere.
"Why don't you go tell my father?" you retorted sharply, your gaze lingering on Sigma for a moment before you turned away, resolute in your decision. "You're good at that."
Sigma and Atsushi exchanged helpless glances as they watched you swim away, their expressions a mixture of concern and frustration. They had tried to reason with you, to protect you from the dangers that awaited, but their words seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. Sensing the urgency of the situation, Sigma gestured for Atsushi to follow him, silently communicating their shared determination to keep you safe.
The merman, Shibusawa, led you deeper into the dark and foreboding depths of the sea bottom. The once vibrant surroundings gave way to an eerie and desolate landscape, where random spirals of lilac smoke erupted from the ground. Sigma and Atsushi followed cautiously, maintaining a distance but remaining determined to protect you.
As you approached the entrance of what appeared to be a cave, a wave of hesitation washed over you. The cave bore a disfigured creature's shape, its open mouth adorned with menacing fangs and teeth, as if ready to snatch away anyone foolish enough to venture inside.
"Come this way," Shibusawa beckoned sweetly, his voice laced with that same sinister smirk that sent chills down your spine.
Swallowing hard, you mustered your courage and followed them into the depths of the tunnel. Inside, the walls were adorned with thousands of small, rotten-looking creatures, their twisted bodies reaching out towards you in a tormenting manner. Their crooked heads, with big sad yellow eyes that seemed burdened with knowledge, emitted haunting wails that echoed throughout the cavern. It was an eerie sight that made your skin crawl.
Suddenly, one of the creatures grabbed onto your arm, its grip surprisingly strong. Panic welled up within you as you fought desperately to free yourself from its grasp, the struggle intensifying with each passing moment.
"Come in, child. It's rude to linger in doorways, you know?" a voice echoed from within the cave, its tone laced with a hauntingly alluring melody. Once you managed to break free from the creature's grasp, you cautiously proceeded further, your gaze sweeping the surroundings. Finally, you caught sight of a figure seated on a throne made of bones, his eyes glowing with an eerie purple hue, fixed intently upon you
"One might question your upbringing," the man said, still looking down at you from his imposing throne. With graceful movements, his tentacles, colored in an eerie blend of black and purple, aided him as he swam toward you. A slight smirk adorned his face, and you couldn't help but notice the cross pendant hanging around his neck as he stood before you.
"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, your majesty," he said with a charming smile, reaching out to take your chin, displaying a self-assured demeanor.
"You must be the sea demon, right?" you asked hesitantly, managing to free yourself from Fyodor's grip with a quick and subtle movement. You tried to maintain a straight face, concealing your nervousness.
"It seems that my fame runs across the ocean," Fyodor chuckled amusedly, his gaze never wavering from your form as he circled you, attempting to get a better look. Stopping behind you, he continued, "Yes, that's me. I believe you already know my name."
"But enough with the introductions, let's cut to the chase," Fyodor said, his voice smooth as silk. He tightened his grip on you with one of his tentacles, pulling you closer to his face.
"You're here because you have a thing for a human, a prince no less. Not that I blame you," Fyodor chuckled amusedly, his purple eyes gleaming with malevolence. He grabbed your cheeks with his hand, whispering to you in a voice heavy with an accent, "He's quite the catch, my dear. If I were you, I wouldn't want to miss this proposition that I have."
"And what proposition do you speak of? They say I have to be wary of you," you retorted hastily, breaking free from his hold, trying to maintain a straight posture and serious demeanor, though a light blush adorned your cheek at the mention of Chuuya.
"Who says that? Your father? You know that the only thing he does is lie to you, didn't you notice?" Fyodor's tone dripped with insincere amusement as he taunted you. In the corner of his eye, he noticed your widened eyes and saddened expression, which only seemed to amuse him further.
"And I propose to make you human," Fyodor continued, his voice oozing with a sinister charm. "After all, I'm the only one who can grant you that transformation."
"Can you do that?" You asked, scoffing while maintaining a suspicious glare at him. Fyodor responded with an amused laugh, looking at you like a predator would eye its prey.
"My dear, Precious Shell, that's what I do. Otherwise, my fame wouldn't be that of a Demon," Fyodor said with a sneer, his purple eyes gleaming with mischief. His purplish tentacles wrapped around your arms, pulling you closer to him, enveloping you in his presence.
"I admit that in the past I've been nasty," Fyodor remarked with an amused glint in his eyes, his gaze locked onto your scowl. Shibusawa and Mushitarou lingered behind Fyodor, both wearing mischievous grins. He shifted his attention to them momentarily before resuming, "They weren't kidding when they called me kinda strange."
"But you'll find that nowadays, I've mended all my ways," Fyodor declared, a sneer tugging at the corners of his lips as he leaned in closer to your face. Mushitarou's laughter at his words earned him a sharp glare from Shibusawa.
"Repented, seen the light, and made a change," Fyodor chuckled softly, his amusement evident as he drew you nearer to him, causing your muscles to tense involuntarily.
"And I fortunately know a little secret. It's a talent that I've always possessed," Fyodor whispered with his hand playfully concealing his mouth, his eyes gleaming with a sadistic edge as his grin widened. Your response was a defiant glare that matched his intense gaze.
"And dear lady, please don't laugh, I use it on behalf," Fyodor's voice took on a dark undertone as he abruptly released his grip on you. He strode towards a nearby cauldron adorned with paintings of various merfolk. With deliberate movements, he dipped his fingers in black ink and began to sketch on the wall. You watched him, perplexed and uneasy.
"Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed" Fyodor's tone oozed with sarcasm as he glanced back at you. Stepping aside from the painting, he provided a clear view of what he had drawn. To your dismay, the artwork depicted you with an expression of profound misery. His purplish tentacles rested languidly on the cauldron's rim, and his grin was equal parts eerie and mocking.
"Pathetic," Mushitarou and Shibusawa whispered to you, their voices carrying a sadistic gleam that matched the wickedness in their eyes. You felt disturbed by the drawing, your unease evident, while Fyodor's laughter filled the air in response.
"Poor unfortunate souls, in pain, in need," Fyodor's voice took on a dramatic, raspy quality as he spoke. The cauldron before him exploded in a burst of mystical energy, materializing two of his drawings into life. One depicted a sorrowful merman, the other a melancholic mermaid.
"This one's longing to be thinner," Fyodor pointed out, his gaze directed at the mermaid with an empty expression on her face. Shifting his attention, he indicated the merman, who wore an expression of lovesickness. Fyodor continued with a sinister edge, "That one wants to get the girl."
"And do I help them? Yes, indeed!" Fyodor's grin widened as he spoke. With a flourish of his hand, he granted the mermaid a transformed appearance, while the merman's features grew handsome and captivating. The two figures locked eyes, their happiness palpable as they were finally reunited. Yet, the merman's expression twisted into a maniacal smile, he seized a knife and brutally ended the mermaid's life.
"Those poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true," Fyodor's voice resonated, his gaze locked onto your horrified expression. In a sudden motion, one of his tentacles snaked out and grabbed you, causing you to startle and let out a yelp.
"They come flocking to me, crying, 'Will you help us, pretty please?'" Fyodor's tone was eerie as he circled you, his movements reminiscent of a predator closing in on its prey. Despite being held by his tentacle, you felt an unsettling shiver run down your spine.
"And I help them! Yes, I do!" Fyodor's grin widened, his fingers pressing into your shoulders as he forcefully guided you to a corner of the room. As your back met the wall, you couldn't help but notice the once-blank walls now adorned with handprints and twisted shadows, each with a disfigured smile. Your expression fell, a mixture of fear and realization flooding your senses.
"Now, it's happened once or twice, someone couldn't pay the price," Fyodor's words rang out as he plucked a skull from a shelf, holding it aloft while casting a look of faint disgust upon it.
"And I'm afraid I had to rake 'em 'cross the coals," Fyodor's voice dripped with a malevolent amusement, his words laced with a sinister edge. Your gaze shifted around your surroundings, taking in the grim tableau that surrounded you. Souls and handprints adorned the walls, painted in foreboding black, each visage etched with an aura of unending misery. Your discomfort grew with every glance.
"Yes, I've had the odd complaint, but on the whole, I've been a saint," Fyodor's tone adopted a falsely sympathetic note, his words laden with insincerity. The skull he'd held was discarded, and with a predatory grin, he swam closer to you.
"To those poor unfortunate souls," Fyodor's amusement was evident as he spoke. Without warning, his tentacles coiled around you once more, their grip unyielding as he dragged you towards the looming cauldron.
"So here's the deal: I'll whip up a little potion to make you human for three days. Got that? Three days," Fyodor's voice held a calculating edge, his words carrying an air of unnerving certainty. The tentacles that held you seemed to tighten slightly, adding to your discomfort.
"Now listen, this is important: before the sun sets on the third day, you've got to get ol' princey to fall in love with you," Fyodor's smirk seemed to stretch wider, his eyes gleaming with mischief that sent a shiver down your spine. You shifted uneasily, feeling the weight of his gaze like a physical touch, you couldn't shake off the unsettling feeling that you were merely a pawn in his grand game.
"That is, he's got to kiss you; not just any kiss, this kiss of True Love. If he does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day, you'll remain human permanently!" Fyodor's laughter echoed around you, and his glance held a glint of mischief. Your thoughts whirred, a blend of discomfort and contemplation clouding your expression.
"But, if he doesn't, you turn back into a mermaid, and you'll belong to me" Fyodor's tone took a chilling turn, his cold glare accompanied by a sadistic smile that sent a shiver down your spine. Dread pooled in the pit of your stomach as his statement sent a shiver down your spine. The unease within you deepened as you grappled with the gravity of his words.
"Well, my dear, it's only fair that I disclose one more detail," Fyodor's voice took on a sinister undertone, his amusement still lingering as he focused on you.
"I'm going to take something precious from you, your siren voice," he continued, his tone dripping with cold satisfaction. As his words settled in the air, his gaze flicked to the cross pendant hanging around his neck.
"But don't fret. I'll keep it safe," Fyodor's grin twisted into something that bordered on eerie reassurance. His tentacles swirled as if in a macabre dance, and his purple eyes held an unsettling glint as he contemplated the course of events that were about to unfold.
"We got a deal?" Fyodor's words dripped with amusement as he observed your pensive expression. His tentacles rested against the cauldron's edge, the glint of malevolence in his purple eyes was hard to ignore.
"I... I don't know," you stammered hesitantly, uncertainty tainting your words. Fyodor's chuckle, though small, seemed to reverberate within the air, his gaze still fixed upon you as he released his grip, allowing you a moment to process the weight of the decision before you.
"Life's full of tough choices, in'it?" Fyodor quipped, his tone infused with a certain dark amusement as he watched your inner struggle unfold before him.
"No, this is wrong. I can't do this," you finally uttered, your realization hitting you like a tidal wave. The gravity of what you were about to embark on sank in, and it clashed violently with your morals and values. In that moment, a surge of courage fueled your actions, propelling you to swim away from Fyodor.
"Fine then, forget about the world above. Go back home to daddy and never leave again," Fyodor's words dripped with a sneer, his tone laced with disdain. The barbed comment made you come to a halt in your tracks, the memory of chuuya and your father's actions rushing back to the forefront of your mind. You turned back to face Fyodor, conflicted emotions swirling within you.
"But even if I accept, without my voice, how can I—" you started, your words tinged with a blend of uncertainty and anxiety. Your gaze met Fyodor's, and your tail swished restlessly in the water, mirroring the unease that coursed through your being. The prospect of the sacrifice you were about to make weighed heavily on your mind, overshadowing the hope that flickered within you.
"Everything will be fine, my dear shell. You are a mermaid, a being of inhuman beauty and seductive presence. You don't have to say anything," Fyodor's voice, dripping with a blend of assurance and manipulation, sought to sway your doubts. He spoke of your allure as a mermaid, attempting to diminish the importance of your voice in the human world. You bristled at the condescension, unable to shake off the feeling that you were being trapped in his web of manipulation.
"Besides, the men up there don't like a lot of blabber," Fyodor interjected with an enigmatic smile, cutting off your train of thought. The dismissal of your voice and its significance stung, and you felt a mixture of frustration and indignation.
"They think a girl who gossips is a bore!" Fyodor's amusement was evident as he continued, his words playing on your hurt expression. The irony of his statement wasn't lost on you, the manipulation of your perception becoming clearer with each passing moment.
"Yes, on land, it's much preferred for ladies not to say a word," Fyodor's voice carried a sense of calculated charm, a persuasive attempt to guide your perspective. His enigmatic smile persisted, masking his true intentions behind a veneer of authority.
"And after all, dear, what is idle prattle for?" Fyodor's words, delivered with a twisted sort of wisdom, seemed to coax you into questioning the value of your voice. The weight of his manipulation was tangible in the water around you, a current of influence attempting to sweep away your convictions. Yet, even as doubt crept in, you found yourself reflecting on the meaningful connections you had forged with individuals who appreciated the authenticity of your words.
"They're not all that impressed with conversation," Fyodor's words continued to weave their spell, his tone dripping with a deceptive allure that aimed to weaken your resolve. His enigmatic smile held an unsettling power, as if he was manipulating not just your thoughts, but the very fabric of reality around you.
"True gentlemen avoid it when they can," Fyodor's assertion seemed like a carefully constructed narrative, a seductive distortion of truth that sought to undermine the value of communication itself. Yet, the threads of truth were interwoven with his lies. You recalled the times when words were empty, when conversations held no depth, and you realized that not all interactions were genuine or valuable.
"But they dote and swoon and fawn On ladies who withdraw," Fyodor's words dripped with a mixture of mockery and disdain, his sneer conveying his distorted view of the world above. His tentacles once again coiled around you, their grip tight and unyielding. You watched warily as he dipped his hand into the black ink, a shiver coursing down your spine as you anticipated his next move.
"It's she who holds her tongue who gets a man," Fyodor's amusement rang out, his chuckle embodying the twisted satisfaction he derived from distorting reality. The ink-stained hand reached for your face, drawing an ominous X over your mouth. The gesture robbed you of your voice, silencing you in the most literal sense. A sense of powerless frustration welled within you, your glare at Fyodor a testament to the anger that churned beneath the surface.
As if his actions weren't enough, two shadowed figures emerged, winding themselves around your neck with a cruel grip that constricted your airway. The sensation of choking, both literal and metaphorical, tightened its hold on you, further amplifying your vulnerability in the face of Fyodor's manipulation.
"Poor unfortunate souls," Fyodor's voice resonated, his tone laced with a blend of triumph and malevolence. The situation had unfolded exactly as he had orchestrated, and the satisfaction gleamed in his eyes.
"Go ahead! Make your choice!" Fyodor's words carried an eerie command, his enigmatic smile growing even wider. The weight of your decision, the gravity of the sacrifice he had compelled you to consider, bore down upon you. The struggle between your desire for freedom and the overwhelming pressure of his manipulation cast a tumultuous sea of doubt within your mind.
"I'm a very busy person, and I haven't got all day," Fyodor's cold assertion hung in the water, a stark reminder of the urgency he imposed upon you. His demeanor remained calculating, his words an unspoken threat that compelled you to act on his terms. As the cauldron's magic conjured an image of Chuuya, your attention was captured by the fleeting vision. You found yourself drawn to the representation of his presence, your hands instinctively reaching out to touch the water's surface, a smile graced your lips, a reflection of the warmth that Chuuya's memory invoked within you.
"It won't cost much. Just your voice!" Fyodor's tone dropped with a sense of foreboding, his words a chilling contrast to the image of Chuuya. And in a cruel twist, the image shattered, the shards of the vision dissipating into the water, leaving you with a deep ache of loss and the stark realization of the sinister price Fyodor demanded.
"Those poor unfortunate souls, so sad, so true," Fyodor's chuckle cut through the tension, a dark amusement dancing in his eyes as he gazed at you. The weight of your situation intensified, the realization that your interactions with him were tied to your longing to see Chuuya again. It was a desperate gamble, a last resort to break free from the shackles of your father's commands.
In the shadows, Sigma caught sight of your interaction and hurriedly swam towards you, an intent to intervene etched on his face. However, before he could reach you, Shibusawa's swift action silenced him. A dagger at his throat froze Sigma in his tracks.
"Take a gulp, take a breath, go ahead, Sign the scroll, " Fyodor's taunting voice accompanied your every heartbeat, urging you forward into this pact. The weight of his manipulative words, the gravity of the choice you were about to make, settled upon your shoulders like an anchor. As if in a trance, you found yourself moving closer to the bowl of black paint and the ominous scroll.
With a steady hand, you reached for the quill and signed the scroll, the ink absorbing your agreement with a sense of finality. The implications of this act reverberated through your thoughts, a swell of uncertainty mingling with the spark of defiance that burned within you. Sigma and Atsushi watched with horrified expressions. Their eyes reflected a mixture of disbelief and concern, you lowered the quill and your signature marked the scroll.
"Mushitarou and Shibusawa, now I've got her, boys," Fyodor's triumphant declaration cut through the charged atmosphere, his voice dripping with a sense of victory as he turned to his accomplices. The sinister duo exchanged a knowing glance, a shared sense of accomplishment passing between them.
"The boss is on a roll! This poor unfortunate soul," Fyodor's triumphant words resounded with a self-satisfied grin, his gloating demeanor enveloping the space like a malevolent aura. The finality of your decision, the ink-stained contract you had signed, played directly into his hands, and he relished in the power he now held over you, he then positioned himself in front of the cauldron and burst with mystical energy, the cauldron erupted in an explosion of vibrant colors and swirling currents. causing you to flinch instinctively.
"Beluga, sevruga, come winds of the Caspian Sea," Fyodor's voice resonated with a chant that carried an eerie cadence. The air around him seemed to shimmer with an otherworldly energy as he extended his grip to the cauldron. As he invoked the incantation, the cauldron responded with a surge of power. An explosion of blue magic erupted from its depths, its brilliance illuminating the water around you.
"Larengix glaucitis, et max laryngitis, La voce to me," Fyodor's incantation flowed from his lips, the arcane words weaving a spell that resonated with ancient power. The very water seemed to respond, the currents shifting and swirling around him as he continued to manipulate the cauldron's magic. incantation took hold, a profound transformation occurred. The blue magic that had been circulating between you and Fyodor began to shift, its hue morphing into a vivid shade of green.
"Now, sing," Fyodor's command sliced through the water, his tone cold and demanding. The very currents seemed to still, the atmosphere charged with an electric tension as he fixed his gaze upon you. The spell he had woven, the contract you had sealed, demanded its price—one that was intricately tied to the very essence of who you were.
As you sang, your voice held a haunting beauty, the notes resonating with the emotions that had led you to this point. But with each passing moment, you felt something inexplicable happening. Your voice began to waver, its strength faltering as if it was being drawn away from you. Panic seized your chest, the realization of what was happening sending shockwaves through your senses.
"Keep singing!" Fyodor's demand was sharp, a command that compelled you forward even as you felt your voice slipping away from you. Desperation and fear swelled within you, and you put a trembling hand over your throat, your efforts to hold onto your voice proving futile. Your eyes widened in disbelief as you watched your voice, the essence of who you were, coalesce into a tangible form and move toward Fyodor, now belonged to him.
As your voice completed its journey to Fyodor, a transformation began to unfold within you. doubt crept in like a shadow, causing uncertainty to dance across your thoughts. Your tail, once a graceful extension of your being, began to split and morph, forming human legs in their place, a surge of searing pain coursed through your body, ripping a scream from your lips. Your arched back quivered as the sensation intensified, your mermaid tail igniting with an agonizing burn.
A cry tore through the water as your body convulsed in response to the excruciating transformation. Gasping, choking, your senses were overwhelmed, and your vision blurred with the turmoil of the shift. The familiar strength of your tail, the embodiment of your existence, was replaced by the searing unfamiliarity of two human legs.
Your body instinctively fought against this sudden change, and panic surged within you as your limbs flailed. Desperation drove you to attempt swimming with your new legs, but the sensation was foreign and awkward, and your efforts only seemed to drag you deeper into the water.
In your moment of struggle, Sigma and Atsushi sprang into action. Sigma's strong grip closed around your arms, his determination propelling you forward, while Atsushi positioned himself at your back, his presence urging you onward. Together, their support propelled you towards the surface, their combined efforts a lifeline in your disoriented state.
With a burst of effort, you erupted from the water's embrace, your hair splaying out in a watery arc before gravity tugged it back. The taste of air was a heady relief, even as coughs wracked your frame, water expelled from your lungs in violent bursts. The surface world stretched before you, both a new beginning and an unfamiliar challenge.
Your legs thrashed in the water as you tried to regain your bearings, your movements mirroring those of a newborn creature finding its footing. The disorientation tugged at you, leaving your body sinking slightly, but Sigma swiftly emerged from the water, extending his arms to offer you support. Clinging to him, you continued to cough, your throat burning from the water's intrusion.
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Sigma and Atsushi were both panting, the exertion of their efforts evident in their labored breaths. Your body drained from the transformation and the struggle that followed, lay on a sun-soaked rock, your hair cascading like a curtain in front of your face. Weariness clung to you, your energy spent from the ordeal that had brought you to this new reality.
Gingerly brushing your hair away from your face, the fatigue momentarily taking a backseat to curiosity, you were met with an astonishing sight. Before you lay a pair of legs, an appendage you had only dreamed of possessing. Tentatively, you lifted one of the legs, wiggling your toes experimentally in the water. The surprise in your gaze mingled with the lingering exhaustion, but as the reality of the transformation settled in, a radiant smile bloomed on your lips.
As you explored the sensations of your legs, a voice, both familiar and teasing, cut through the air. Turning your head, your gaze met the figure of Dazai, who had arrived on the scene. His arrival was punctuated by his signature irreverence.
"Oh, look what the catfish dragged in! You look different," Dazai's playful quip rang out, his eyes dancing with mischief as he observed your transformed state. Your smile widened at the sound of his voice, your fatigue momentarily forgotten in the wake of his arrival. Dazai's presence had a way of lightening the mood.
"Wait, don't tell me, it's your hair, huh? You've been using the dinglehopper," Dazai's voice dripped with mock astonishment, his eyebrows raised in faux surprise, he rested his arms against your legs. His comment was so absurd that it drew an involuntary chuckle from you. Shaking your head in response, you couldn't help but be amused by Dazai's obliviousness.
"She got legs, you idiot," Sigma's frustrated exclamation cut through the playful atmosphere, his exasperation evident as he addressed the oblivious merman. Dazai, in response, feigned shock as he lifted his arms away from your legs, a comically exaggerated expression on his face.
Seizing the opportunity, you gingerly removed the strands of seaweed that had been playfully covering your feet, revealing your transformed legs. With a mixture of curiosity and determination, you slowly rose to your feet. The motion was met with a tremor that rippled through your legs, a reminder of their unfamiliarity.
"How many times have I told you that I don't like it when you call me names?" Dazai's tone carried a hint of annoyance as he addressed Sigma, his frustration palpable. He shot the merman a side glare, a clear signal of his displeasure. In response, Sigma huffed dismissively and rolled his eyes. You attempted to move, but your legs wavered beneath you, and the ground slipped from beneath your feet. The wobble turned into a stumble, and before you knew it, your legs gave way entirely, causing you to descend to the water with a thud.
"She's been turned into a human. She's gotta make the prince fall in love with him, and he's gotta kiss her," Atsushi explained, rolling his eyes at the ongoing bickering between Dazai and Sigma. Amid their chatter, you attempted to stand up once again but you struggled, your body was still adapting to the unfamiliar sensation of having legs.
"And she's only got three days. Just look at her. On legs! On human legs! My nerves are shot. This is a catastrophe! What would her father say? I'll tell you what her father will say—he's gonna kill himself a merman, that's what Fukuzawa will say!" Sigma's voice echoed with annoyance, his irritation palpable as he glared at Dazai. His annoyance was palpable as he glanced at you, concern for your well-being intermingled with his irritation.
"I'm gonna march myself straight home right now and tell him just like I should've done the minute…" Sigma's frustration was palpable, his voice trailing off as he turned to leave. But you acted swiftly, grabbing his arm and shaking your head vehemently to dissuade him.
"… and don't you shake your head at me, young lady," Sigma retorted his tone a mix of frustration and concern. He seemed torn, caught between his desire to protect you and his exasperation with the situation.
"Maybe there's still time. If we could get that demon to give you back your voice, you could go home with all the normal fish, and just be… just be…" Sigma's voice softened as he looked into your eyes, his gaze faltering when he saw the heartbroken expression on your face.
"… just be miserable for the rest of your life," Sigma sighed, his frustration evident as he buried his face in his hands. He let out a small exasperated click of his tongue before directing his gaze back toward you.
"All right, all right. I'll try to help you find that prince," Sigma relented, his annoyance giving way to reluctant determination. The spark of hope that ignited in your eyes was enough to soften his resolve, and as you hugged him, a small, genuine smile formed on his lips.
"What a soft fish I'm turning out to be," Sigma sighed, a wistful smile playing on his lips as he looked at you. His self-deprecating tone held a touch of humor and fondness for the situation he found himself in. He then felt a sudden splash of water, and his gaze snapped to Dazai with a glare, his frustration evident.
"Now, Belladonna, if you wanna be human, you gotta dress like one! Now come on," Dazai grinned mischievously, his tone filled with excitement. He grabbed a piece of cloth and some ropes, his gaze shifting towards you. Confusion clouded your expression as you watched him, uncertain about his intentions.
Chuuya strolled along the shoreline, his steps heavy with frustration, a flute held tightly in his hand. His expression was a canvas of vexation, mirroring the emotions swirling within him. Beside him, Albatross, suddenly exhibited a burst of energy, leaping and barking with fervor. The dog's insistent movements caught Chuuya's attention, prompting him to glance down.
"Whoa, what's got you all riled up, mutt?" Chuuya questioned his voice a mixture of curiosity and amusement. Albatross continued his animated display, gesturing and tugging at Chuuya, urging him to follow a path that led further away from the shoreline. With an amused chuckle, Chuuya relented to the canine's persistent insistence, surrendering to Albatross's determination.
"You look stunning, now that's what I call a siren," Dazai's voice rang out with a grin, accompanied by a wolf whistle that echoed through the air. Your attire was a drape artfully wrapped around your waist, the ensemble exuding an undeniable allure. Nearby, Atsushi's gaze scanned you from head to toe before he let out a resigned sigh.
Amid this moment, a familiar bark sliced through the air, drawing everyone's attention. The sound grew louder, accompanied by the rush of paws approaching rapidly.
Albatross dashed towards you, his excitement is evident as he closed the distance. Uncertain of what to expect, you instinctively sought refuge behind a nearby rock, attempting to shield yourself from the unknown. The dog's energetic arrival brought him close to you, and as he looked back in amazement, a sense of familiarity washed over you. Then, a voice—a voice you had heard before, repeating a scene from when you had first encountered him on that ship.
For a fleeting moment, your knees threatened to give way, yet, you steadied yourself, trying to regain your composure. And there, just as you had imagined, Chuuya appeared, reuniting with his beloved pet. His eyes, a mismatched pair of captivating hues, flicked up, meeting yours. A pause—an unmistakable moment of surprise—and the unspoken question hung in the air. Had he recognized you? The intensity of his gaze left you wondering.
"Are you okay?" Chuuya's concerned voice reached your ears as he approached you, his steps measured. Your gaze remained locked onto his face, and a rapid nod accompanied your smile, expressing both relief and reassurance. His answering grin was a small yet genuine one, a sign of his understanding and approval.
"I'm sorry if he scared you, he's harmless, just a bit hyperactive sometimes" Chuuya's voice reached you, laced with a chuckle. His attempt to alleviate any concerns regarding his exuberant canine companion was evident, his gaze subtly avoiding your eyes. In response, you dared to step a bit closer, your presence invoking a flicker of surprise on Chuuya's features. With a soft smile, you acknowledged him.
“Have I met you before? You seem very familiar to me,” Chuuya's question, uttered with a mix of puzzlement and intrigue, hung in the air. The sensation of recognition gnawed at him, leaving a lingering feeling that he just couldn't shake.
"Do I know you from somewhere?" Chuuya's voice cut through the air, his gaze fixed on you with a sense of recognition. In response, you offered a subtle nod, a spark of familiarity mirrored in his smile. As his fingers intertwined with yours, a gentle warmth spread through your hand. Albatross nestled against Chuuya's leg, as he looked between you and his owner excitedly.
"We have! you're the one I've been looking for, What's your name?" Chuuya's grin was both welcoming and inquisitive, his eyes studying your features as if trying to unravel a memory. You opened your mouth to reply, eager to share your name, but to your surprise, no sound escaped your lips. Instead, you found yourself mouthing the words, your touch instinctively moving to your neck in a gesture that sought to convey the absence of your voice.
"What's wrong? What is it?" Chuuya's voice was a soft caress, his concern painted across his features as he regarded you with gentle eyes. In response to his inquiry, your hand instinctively moved to your throat, a silent indication that you were grappling with the inability to speak.
"You can't speak?" Chuuya's question hung in the air, a mixture of understanding and surprise lacing his tone. In reply, you nodded, your expression carrying a tinge of sadness. A sigh of frustration escaped Chuuya's lips but his soft gaze met your eyes.
"Then you couldn't be who I thought," Chuuya grumbled, your frustration evident as you blew your hair from your face. But then your smile returned, a glimmer of determination in your eyes. Leaning over the rock where you'd been sitting, your hands began crafting signs in the air.
“Your breath?” Chuuya's confusion was palpable, his brows knitting together. Swiftly, you made a dismissive gesture, reiterating your earlier signal, followed by a sweeping motion that simulated swimming.
“You need help?” Chuuya's question hung in the air, met with your increasingly animated movements. As your urgency grew, you leaned too far and nearly toppled over, but Chuuya's swift reflexes prevented your fall, a grunt escaping him as he caught you just in time.
“Woah, careful!” Chuuya's worry-laden voice cut through the air, and as his arms encircled you, your cheeks flushed with warmth. The sudden realization that you were now in his embrace caught you off guard, momentarily halting your movements as he helped lift you to your feet.
“You really must have been through something,” Chuuya's soft words brought you back to the present, his concern etched in his features. His reassuring smile provided a comforting anchor as you tuned into his presence.
“Don’t worry! I’ll help you,” Chuuya's declaration resounded with determination as you found your footing once more. With one arm draped over his shoulders, you leaned on him for support, acknowledging the trembling in your legs.
A grin played on your lips as you cast a glance over your shoulder, catching the signs of approval and smiles from Atsushi and Dazai while Sigma's panicked eyes watched your form. With Chuuya by your side, you began to walk, your legs trembling slightly but finding stability in his presence.
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𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻...
@yuugen-benni @k-l-a-w-s @sszolarr @littlemisslovesbarbie @earphonejack09 @celestair
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𝗔𝗹𝗹 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲𝗱 © 2023 𝗩𝘀𝗸𝗸𝗼𝗹𝘆𝗮𝗮. 𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆, 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁, 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲, 𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗶𝗳𝘆 𝗺𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺.
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surrogate-fawn · 2 months
Text
The Purple Butterfly
((Drabble/Short story based on the backstory of a rp with @mittysins of Fawn's second surrogacy.))
{This drabble is Part 3 in a series of drabbles based on the story Mitty and I co-authored. This story will not make sense without reading the ones that come before it.}
[ Part 1 - The First Goodbye ]
[ Part 2 - Quartz and Sea Glass ]
[ Part 3 - Here! ]
Author's Note: A real-world initiative is mentioned in this story called The Purple Butterfly Project.
TW: Miscarriage, infertility, mentions of cancer, mentions of past abuse, pregnancy complications, past stillbirth/infant loss, grief and heavy emotional trauma.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Living with the Tariqs, I got to experience what it was like to be around a baby after it was born -- and every pounding headache that came with it. 
Suri was a little spitfire as soon as she hit the atmosphere, and if she was unhappy the whole house would know it. The farmhouse wasn't all that big, and the guest room where I slept ended up sharing a wall with the nursery. So, you can bet I got woken up each time her parents did. 
Those first couple nights, I would lay there in bed until Ray or Tess could stumble their way down the hall and quiet things down. Yeah, I wasn't very useful. I didn't have much of a choice, though. It was a miracle I could walk myself to the bathroom with how sore I was after Suri squirmed her way out of me. 
It wasn't just soreness from the waist-down, either. 
Being around a constantly crying newborn had an . . . unexpected effect on my body. After the birth of my son, aside from a little bit of colostrum, I had never produced breastmilk. I guess hearing Suri cry to be fed every few hours triggered something, because I suddenly had a full milk supply with nowhere to go. 
Luckily, the Tariqs had a home remedy for everything. A couple of wet washcloths over upturned bowls in the freezer made some conveniently-shaped ice packs. Without those puppies, it felt like my breasts were filled with molten lead. So, my hands were occupied most of the day. 
I felt guilty, watching either Ray or Tess get up from the couch to tend to their daughter while I was able to sit there with my hands on my boobs and continue watching TV.  
I wasn't Suri's parent, but the fact I was the one who got her there made me feel like I had to help out. 
Once I started to recover, that's exactly what I did. On a night when Suri refused to stop crying, I got up and poked my head through the cracked nursery door. 
Tess was there, looking exhausted and defeated as she held Suri on her shoulder. That baby had been screaming in her ear for at least half an hour. She jumped when she turned and saw me in the doorway. 
"Hi, Tess," I said with a sympathetic smile. 
"Hey, doll," Tess sighed, continuing to bounce Suri up and down while she paced the room. She spoke a little louder than she needed to, likely 'cause she couldn't hear herself think. "I'm sorry she woke 'ya. I got no idea what 'ta do." 
She sounded like she'd given up. This was how she was spending her night, and she'd resigned herself to it. 
I thought about waking Ray, but his paternity leave ended in the morning. He had to be up in a few hours for his civil engineering job. Even with what little I knew about salary work, I knew eight weeks of unpaid leave for a brand-new baby was bullshit. Ray would've taken the full twelve weeks, but the city was jumping down his throat about finishing the blueprints for an overpass project on-time. Tess was about to be left alone with a two-month-old for the sake of ten fewer minutes of traffic. That wasn't fair. 
"Tess, lemmie take her for a while," I said, walking into the room. "You need a break." 
"It's fine," Tess insisted. "She'll calm down . . . eventually." 
I held out my arms. "Tess. Give 'er." 
The purple bags under Tess's eyes made her look twice her age, and her pale yellow hair was a rat's nest hanging down her back. She was at her wit's end. "Okay." 
Suri weighed almost nothing as I settled her against my shoulder. It still amazed me how small babies were. They seemed so much smaller when you actually got to hold them. 
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked Suri. My ear started to ring as she wailed into it, her cries high-pitched and distressed. I started patting her back like I'd seen her parents do. "What's wrong, baby girl? What's got you so upset?" 
Tess collapsed into the glider in the corner of the nursery, her hands rubbing circles into her temples. "I've changed her. I've fed her. I've prayed over her. I've got no idea what my own baby needs!" 
"Well, I've got no idea, either," I shrugged, my toes digging into the soft sherpa rug by the crib. I continued patting Suri's back. Her feet were pressing against my chest, as if she were trying to pull herself upright. 
"But I'm supposed 'ta know!" Tess whimpered. She ran her fingers through the knots in her hair. "I'm her mama! Mamas are supposed 'ta know what 'ta do, but I can't even calm her down!" 
"You're not a bad mama, Tess," I said, offering her a smile -- despite the continued screaming in my ear. "Trust me, I know what a-." 
The screaming was cut short with a small 'gurk', and I froze when a wet glob of spit-up slithered down my back. 
". . . think I figured it out . . ." I said, my smile now pinched.  
Suri grumbled, and I carefully held her out in front of me. Her face was still red, but her expression was pure baby bliss -- milky spittle on her chin and all. 
"Did you have a tummy ache, baby girl?" I asked. "Is that what was wrong?" 
Tess shot up from the glider, sending it bumping into the wall. "Oh, Fawn, I am so sorry!" she said, taking her daughter out of my hands. She took the burp cloth off her shoulder, as if suddenly remembering it was there, and handed it to me. "Here, clean 'yaself up." 
"S'alright," I chuckled, cringing as I wiped up the gobby mess. "I've got other shirts. At least I got her to stop crying." 
Tess looked down at the baby in the crook of her arm, and then back up at me. "Wanna try a hand at gettin' her 'ta sleep?" 
Long story short, that's how I found my new job as the Tariq's live-in babysitter.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wasn't expecting to do surrogacy again, at least not for a long while. The Tariqs were paying me a decent wage for domestic work and were kind enough to not charge me rent -- so long as I was saving a certain amount of the money each week. The last post I ever made on the surrogate agency's forums was an announcement celebrating Suri's successful home birth. After that, I let my profile go dark.
Not only did hiring me allow the Tariqs to keep their promise of helping me on my feet, it also gave them an extra set of hands around the house while Ray was at work. Tess and I worked out a system where I would work on smaller tasks while she took care of the most pressing matters. If she was feeding Suri, I was cleaning the kitchen. If she was cooking dinner, I was changing a diaper. If she had to do yardwork, I was keeping Suri entertained.  
I learned to prepare formula, wash bottles, change diapers, and play peek-a-boo like a pro in no time. 
Bath time was always a tag-team effort, though. Suri was a splasher, and her favorite bath toy was a rubber turtle called "Squirta Turta", so we usually ended up as soaked as she was. 
When Suri was being weaned off formula, we made homemade baby food with the vegetables in the garden. Turns out, placenta makes a great fertilizer. I wondered if Mom had ever used it in her flower beds -- she'd had five of them to work with by the time all of us kids were born. I wished I could ask her. I wished I could ask her about a lot of things. I also wished Suri could eat her mashed squash without trying to wear the bowl as a hat, but I didn't get that wish, either. 
This was my life for two wonderfully chaos-filled years, and I was mostly content with it.
Mostly.
I wanted to go to college. That was always my plan for after high school, but . . . plans had obviously changed. My grades hadn't been anything to brag about, so I knew from the start I'd have to pay my own way through. I had two years' worth of savings, but I didn't want to dip into it, yet. That money was meant to be the down payment on a house someday. What would be the point of spending all my money on school if I'd be right back to square one afterward? That wasn't what I wanted. I wanted to get my degree and start my life over -- I'd been waiting long enough.
After sitting down with Ray and breaking down the costs of school, I realized I barely had enough to pay for one term. There were some small scholarships I could apply for here and there, but I wasn't about to rely on winning them. There were hundreds of smarter students out there vying for the same pile of money. What chance did I have?
I mulled it over for several days without saying a word to anyone, but eventually I made up my mind. When I did, Tess was the first person I told:
"I'm gonna get pregnant again."
I announced it out of the blue as I was helping Tess with the after-dinner dishes. She was at the kitchen sink, washing. I was at the counter, drying.
The steel wool in her hand scraped to a halt. "Pardon?"
I hunched my shoulders a bit as I toweled off a plate. "I'm gonna find another couple that needs to 'rent a room'. It'll be able to pay for my degree. In full. All four years."
Tess continued washing, but she didn't acknowledge what I'd said at all.
"So . . . what do you think?" I prodded, setting stacks of dishes in the cabinet.
Tess grimaced into the soapy water, concentrating way too much on the pan she was scrubbing. "Shug, I dunno," she said. "Do 'ya really wanna do that 'ta 'yaself so soon?"
"Whatd'ya mean 'so soon'?" I scoffed. "Suri's up toddling around the house. Isn't that when most moms get pregnant again?"
"'Ya ain't a mom, yet, Fawn," Tess said, her tone lovingly blunt -- the tone that can only be learned by disciplining a toddler.
I flinched a little, but I crossed my arms over my chest to hide it. All she'd done was state a fact, but it still bit.
"I'd like to be," I mumbled. I gazed out the kitchen window and saw Ray out in the backyard with Suri. He was blowing bubbles, and she was reaching up to grab them with high-pitched screams of laughter. She chased them as they swooped lower to the ground, and then stomped on them with her tiny flip-flops when they touched the grass. "Someday."
"I know, doll. That's why I'm concerned." Tess set the pan on the drying rack. "Pregnancies are risky. Wouldn't 'ya rather have as few of 'em as possible?"
"I've had two and they went just fine," I said with a shrug. "I'm young, Tess! Isn't now the best time to use what I got? I can charge more, now that I've got experience. No student debt and money left over to save for a house! Trade nine months in exchange for the rest of my life? How could I pass that up?!"
Tess didn't say anything for a long time, she just dunked a chili pot in the dishwater and started scrubbing. I stood there in uncomfortable silence until she said:
"School can wait, 'ya know."
"No, it can't!" I protested.
"Ray and I can pay what 'ya need for classes when we start tryin' again," Tess said. "What on Earth's the point?"
"Point is," I huffed, leaning my hip against the counter, arms still crossed over my chest, "I'm almost twenty-four and I've got nothin' to show for it!"
"Fawn, 'ya gotta think about-."
"I'll still be able to help you guys out, Tess," I added. "Don't worry about that."
"It's not us I'm worryin' about," was her deadpan response.
It was frustrating as hell, but I wasn't too angry at her. I knew why she wasn't a fan of the idea.
The three of us had recently discussed growing their family in the future. The Tariqs wanted to wait until Suri was a little more independent before welcoming a second baby, so that plan was at least two more years out.
Following that conversation, we'd decided not to return to the surrogate agency we used the first time. The agency was helpful with the fine print and legal stuff, but the Tariqs had not been too thrilled to learn that a desperate, homeless, childless young woman had been allowed to become a surrogate of theirs.
"I can do it independently," I said, pleading my case. "I know how to be careful."
Tess turned to lock eyes with me. "Fawn . . . I just need 'ta know you're doin' it for the right reasons. I don't like the idea of 'ya going through all that for nothing but a stack'a cash."
"It's not just for money" I insisted. "I wouldn't go through it again for anyone, not even you guys, if I didn't find it meaningful."
Tess didn't seem any more at ease with my promises. "I just don't want 'ya health 'ta suffer. If 'ya do this, you're choosin' 'ta put 'ya body through a lot in such a short time."
I didn't argue. She was right. "I know."
Tess turned back to the sink, sighing while she rinsed out the pot. My toes curled inside my shoes.
"I want to help another couple while I still have the chance," I said, trying to justify my decision -- partially to myself. I could sense how strong Tess's disapproval was, and it was giving me serious second thoughts. "If I can't be a parent right now, I want to make it possible for other people to be parents. It makes the wait feel . . . less long."
Tess dried her hands on her long bohemian skirt and turned to gently hold my shoulders. "Doll, it's 'ya own choice. Ray and I can't stop 'ya from doin' whatever it is 'ya wanna do."
I nodded, my eyes cast down. I didn't need their permission, nor had I been asking for it, but some support would've been -- .
"Just know that we'll be here 'ta help 'ya," Tess continued. "Anything 'ya need, just ask. If you're gonna do this, I want 'ya as healthy and happy as possible."
I nodded again, this time with a smile on my face. "I'd appreciate that."
Tess wrapped me in a hug. "But please, shug," she added, patting my back, "don't put 'yaself through too much."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Easy there, doll. I've got'cha."
Tess held my curls back as I wretched into a blue emesis bag. I'd started growing my hair out in the months it took for this surrogacy to be arranged. I hadn't been thinking ahead.
I'd thought I was in the clear after I had to have Tess pull over on the highway so I could vomit up breakfast, but the antiseptic smell of the hospital kicked up my nausea again. I'd made it through the halls, but by the time I'd sat on the exam table my stomach had enough.
I choked on thick saliva and spit a mouthful of colorless bile into the bag. "Okay . . . okay, I'm good now," I spluttered as I lifted my head. I cinched the bag and handed it to the technician without looking them in the eye. "Sorry."
"Don't be," the tech laughed, "morning sickness is par for the course in here. I'll be right back, just make yourself comfortable." They dragged the privacy curtain closed behind them as they left the room.
Tess wet a paper towel in the hand sink for me. My skin was clammy and cold even before I wiped the towel across my face -- so I wasn't left feeling any better. My hands had a tremor so deep inside the tendons it registered as numbness. I raked my front teeth over my tongue to scrape away the acidic taste.
I hadn't really needed that blood test. I'd known the IVF had worked when I woke up clinging for dear life against the Earth's rotation. My head hadn't stopped spinning since, and it was two damn weeks later. The doctor overseeing my IVF had sent me in for a six-week ultrasound -- which was earlier than I'd ever had one done before -- because my hormone levels were "suspiciously high" this time around. Whatever that meant.
I'd been pumped full of fertility drugs like a chicken with GMOs for a solid four months by that point. No shit my hormones were off the charts, especially now that I was pregnant.
"It's never been this bad," I groaned, coughing on the burn in my throat.
"Yeah, that's why the doctor wants 'ya in here," Tess said with a chuckle.
"I hate it," I scowled. "I want the old morning sickness back."
"Each time is different," Tess said. "I had it once or twice before, but when I was pregnant with Ravi it never really went away." Any time Tess mentioned her angel baby, a little bit of the light left her eyes -- and I saw it happen again right there in that ultrasound room.
Tess helped me pull off my jeans and tucked my discarded underwear inside the back pocket for me. I covered my hips with the paper blanket just before the tech came back into the room.
"Looks like we're ready to start!" they chirped, taking their seat between me and the rolling ultrasound cart.
"Hang on a sec," I said, pulling up the FaceTime app on my phone. "The parents really wanna see the first ultrasound."
"Ah," the tech said with an understanding nod, "is this a surrogate situation?"
"My second time," I said with a proud grin. I pointed at Tess, who was folding my pants over the back of a chair. "I carried her baby first. Most amazing thing I've ever done."
Tess beamed at me. She was smiling, but the shadows on her face were a bit deeper than normal.
"Really now!" The tech exclaimed, keeping their peppy tone as they typed my info into the computer. "It's rare I see surrogate mothers as young as you. Bless your heart!"
"She's a trooper, that's for damn sure," Tess said, "but, God love 'er, she's been so sick."
"I'm sure your care provider can prescribe something for that at your follow-up ," the tech told me. "It won't feel this bad for much longer, sweetheart."
"It's worth it, though," I said. My phone bubbled with the ringtone of an outgoing video call. "These guys will be amazing dads."
The tech smiled at me. "I have such respect for traditional surrogates. That's a lot of sacrifice."
"Oh, no," I corrected them with a small hand wave. "This isn't traditional. These are the bio parents."
I hadn't willy-nilly accepted the first eager couple I'd found online. I'd put half a year's worth of thought into carrying this pregnancy. The Tariqs always gave me my birthday off, and I'd spent that entire day talking to prospective parents. I wanted to prove to them that I was taking this seriously; if I was doing this just for the money, I wouldn't have cared whose baby I carried. I wanted to vet my options and choose a couple that I well and truly felt honored in helping -- and the Gillespies were exactly that.
My phone screen flashed with a mixture of bright pixels before the video came into focus. An odd pair of men sat beside each other in what appeared to be either a kitchen or a dining room -- perhaps it served as both, they lived in a small condo. One was a tall, tanned athlete with a dark stubbly beard and a sculpted figure rippling beneath his loose-fitting tank top. That was Silas. The other was a willowy, ramen-haired man with thick blue octagon frames on his glasses and the quote, "It's only a passing thing, this shadow" from The Two Towers tattooed on his forearm. That was Owen.
"Hey, guys!" I said, holding my phone up and giving them a wave.
There was a slightly-too-long pause due to lag, but both guys lit up with smiles and greeted me in unison. I saw the tech looking at the screen from the corner of my eye. I could see the math trying to play out in their head.
"You don't mind if we record this, right?" Silas asked. They must've been watching from a tablet, because he reached his finger under the camera and swiped a few times as if he were checking a separate app. As he lifted his arm, a crescent of silvery scar tissue became visible from under his shirt.
I saw the tech look back to their computer with a subtle nod of their head. God love 'em, they must've been too nervous to ask.
"Go ahead! It's a special occasion," I said. "I'm gonna hand you over to Tess. We're about to start."
"Yay, Tess!" Owen said with a clap of excitement. He waved as I passed my phone over. "Hi, Tess! Where's Ray?"
"Hi, boys," Tess said with a soft grin. She adjusted herself to be closer to my side. "Ray's workin' from home today so he can watch our 'lil darlin'."
Of course the Tariqs had wanted to meet my new clients. They said it was because they wanted to vouch for me as a caring and capable surrogate; but I think it was mostly to judge the couple for themselves. The Gillespies had both Tess and Ray's number as my emergency contacts, which came in handy when they needed help with some legal paperwork.
Silas and Owen were my age, both of them twenty-four. They'd poured all their savings into the process of hiring a surrogate and had none left over for a lawyer. At the Tariq's behest, all three of us had stayed up late on a call to talk the Gillespies through the steps of writing a surrogacy contract. Silas and Owen seemed to hold a lot of respect for the Tariqs after that.
While Tess had the camera on her, I reclined on the table and put my feet in the stirrups. The paper blanket gave plenty of privacy -- which was good, because I didn't want my clients to see the long plastic wand the tech was prepping while it was in there doin' its thing. I'd never had a transvaginal ultrasound before, but apparently it was the only way to get a view of the Gillespies' baby so early.
I couldn't help but tense as I felt the rounded tip of the wand slip inside me like butter, aided by the warm jelly I was used to having on my belly. I could feel the blood flooding my face as the curved device slid under my public bone and pressed against a part of my anatomy that hadn't been reached in years -- though not for lack of trying, I had short fingers.
"Relax a little more, please," the tech said.
"Sorry . . . not used to this."
Don't judge me. I was living with my employers. The idea of one of them finding an adult toy in my room -- or worse, their daughter finding it -- made me shrivel.
I felt a subtle buzz inside my tissues when the device turned on. I bit the inside of my cheek.
"Okay, let's have a look at that baby," the tech said as they began angling the wand.
Tess flipped the phone around so the dads could see the action. I saw Owen grip his husband's bicep and pull him closer. The room was silent for a moment while the technician moved the wand around my pelvis.
"Can we listen to the heartbeat?" Owen asked, hugging Silas's arm.
"Not yet," the tech said, eyes glued to the screen. "Their little heart is only a few cells big right now. It's too quiet to pick up, but we'll hear it in a few weeks."
Owen and Silas shared a grin. I could see their story written on their faces and in the way they looked at each other. They'd been dating since high school, the odd-ball pairing of bookworm and athlete. After graduation, a preemptive doctor's appointment before Silas started testosterone saved his life:
Cervical cancer, stage two. The doctors had no choice but to take everything, but Silas chose to freeze a few of his eggs before the surgery. He'd gotten into non-competitive bodybuilding to deal with the effects of chemo, and it'd been his favorite hobby since. Luckily, Silas had been cancer-free for years -- Owen had gotten his first and only tattoo in celebration.
Now that they were newlyweds, the Gillespies were choosing to start their family right away -- knowing the frozen eggs wouldn't last forever. We'd lost a lot of hope when most of the eggs didn't thaw right, meaning we only had one shot at this. The Gillespies were more than open to adoption, but . . . having a baby together was something they'd hoped for since before Silas's diagnosis.
I'd known I wanted to step up to the plate as soon as I heard their story. I was proud to be helping such a sweet pair of guys have their much-wanted family. When I saw the way they looked at each other in that moment -- the excitement and love of a dream finally coming true -- I secretly hoped doing this for them would grant me some sort of karmatic favor.
I hoped one day I'd share that same ecstatic smile with someone, for the same happy reason.
The tech hadn't said anything for a while. They kept moving the wand from side-to-side between my hips and squinting at the screen. They took several images, judging by how often they hit the same loud button on their keyboard. They hadn't even turned the screen around, yet. I couldn't wrap my head around the baby being so hard to find -- not with the ultrasound wand jammed so far up.
"Are they hiding from 'ya?" I asked with a joking lilt. Something was starting to sink inside my chest.
"No, I see them," the tech said. They squinted harder at the screen. "Just taking their picture for the doctor."
"That's a lot of pictures," Silas commented from my phone speaker.
"Well, I . . . just want to make sure," the tech said. Their keyboard clacked as they took another image.
It felt like I'd swallowed lead. "Sure of what?"
The tech finally tilted the screen so the rest of the room could see it. In the grey-and-white fuzz on the monitor, a round dark void was highlighted in a bright yellow square. Resting in the void was a blurry white bean with a small flutter in the curve of its shape.
"So, here's the gestational sac," the tech said, outlining the yellow square with their cursor. They circled the cursor over the fluttering movement. "That's baby's nice strong heartbeat right there." 
"Silas, oh my god!" I heard Owen cry. "Look! We made that!"
The tech turned the wand slightly and the image on the screen rolled to the left. The same black void and white bean slid into view, except now it was upside-down. The tech once again circled their cursor around the flutter. "And this is another nice strong heartbeat."
 "They have two hearts?!" I gasped in panic. I realized how stupid I sounded after it was too late. "Or is it . . . ?"
The tech flicked the wand from side-to-side, and each time they did a little black void with a bean remained on the screen. It took a few back-and-forths for me to realize those weren't two different angles of the same image.
"Holy shit . . ." I wheezed. My hand covered my throat, as if that would loosen the strangling tightness that was setting in. "Holy shit . . ."
“What? What’s wrong?” I heard Silas ask, his voice glitched and laggy.
“Boys, can ‘ya see?” Tess asked, holding my phone closer to the screen. “Can ‘ya see that?”
I wanted to turn my head and see the parents’ reaction, but I could not move my eyes from the ultrasound. The Gillespies were quiet for a minute as the tech continued to swivel the image from side-to-side.
“How many embryos did you transfer?” the tech asked.
“There were only two that made it,” Silas answered. I could sense the moment reality washed over him. “Wait . . . wait, are they both there?!”
“Yep,” Tess said. I have no idea what emotion was in her tone, but it had a glaze of forced excitement. “They both took root.”
“I can’t quite get an image of both of them,” the tech said. “I’m trying, but it looks like they’re on opposite walls of the uterus. That flipped one is way up there, too. They’re hanging onto the roof like a bat.”
“A bat bean,” Owen said. His voice was flat, like the quip was a reflex.
“So . . . twins, right?” Silas asked. “We’re having twins?”
“Congratulations!” the tech chirped.
My pulse was pounding under my hand. That lump of lead was sitting hard in my guts, right alongside those two tiny beans. Two. Two beans. Holy shit. Two.
Tess turned the phone towards me and I saw the moon-eyed shock on the Gillespies’ faces. “Fawn, honey?” Tess prodded. “Wanna say something? What’dya think?”
“I . . .” My saliva felt thick and hot in my mouth. My tongue fell numb and it nearly flopped down my throat as I shot up on the table, my legs still up in the stirrups. “I think I’m gonna be sick!”
Tess jumped for a trash can. She aimed the camera at her face while I loudly wretched in the background of my clients’ first family video.
“This explains a lot,” Tess told the fathers with a sheepish grin. “Two times the baby, two times the morning sickness.”
The Gillespeies were quiet for a while, an awkward pause with only the sounds of my suffering to fill the void.
“We’re having twins, Owen,” Silas finally said, just as I was pulling my face from the trash.
“Yeah . . . wow,” Owen’s voice answered.
I heard a subtle thumping from their end, like one of them was bouncing their leg. The tempo was frantic.
“What’s wrong, Owen?” Tess asked. She held the phone to be more level with her face. 
All I heard was a harsh sniffle.
“C’mere, you big softie,” I heard Silas say.
“Don’t cry, honeybun,” Tess said. “It's a blessing!"
“I’m happy!” Owen insisted over the phone. “I’m so happy!” His voice was muffled, like he was hiding his face in his husband’s shoulder. “This is . . . whew! This is overwhelming!”
“No kidding,” Silas said with a laugh.
“No fucking kidding,” I said with my head in the trash.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It took a few days for the shock to wear off. The anti-nausea pills cleared my head so I felt less like I was walking in a fever dream. Once that edge was taken off, it made reality slip in a little smoother. I was pregnant with twins. There were two little jellybeans inside me that would be two full-sized babies in eight months. That was fine. Yeah, that was fine. That had to be fine. If it wasn’t fine, I was going to start losing my mind! So, it was fine.
I mailed the printouts of the ultrasounds to the parents. They had the digital pictures I took, but those physical copies were what really mattered to them. The three of us had never met in person. They lived hundreds of miles away, in Michigan. They wouldn’t be flying down to Tennessee until it was nearing my due date, so any physical memento of their babies I could send to them was much appreciated.
I wanted the Gillespies to feel included in my pregnancy as much as possible, even if they couldn’t be with me in-person. Each week I’d take a picture of myself turned sideways in the bathroom mirror and sent it to them. I basically sent them the same picture four times in a row. There was nothing much to show except for the tummy flab I’d collected my first two times around the block. By week ten, though, I could feel that familiar little lump starting to form below my navel. I had slightly too much of a pooch for there to be any trace of a bump, though.
Almost three months in, I was surprised by how normal my pregnancy was – aside from the intense bouts of nausea I relied on my medicine for. I’d thought having twins inside me would up the difficulty level, but up to that point my life had changed very little. I still got up every day to housekeep and nanny for my allotted shift, and I did so with the same ease I did before. The only change was how much of an eye Tess kept on me. It was very annoying.
“Fawn, no!” Tess trotted up beside me and took hold of my hips. “‘Ya don’t need ‘ta be up there.”
“Stop it!” I gasped as the stack of plates in my hand jittered. “Don’t grab me like that if you don’t want me to fall!”
Tess gently pulled me down from the stepstool I’d been using to reach the cabinet. “I can take care of those,” she said, taking the stack of dishes.
“Jesus, you’d think these were your babies,” I muttered.
“It’s easy now, doll, but you’re not far off from those little ‘uns hittin’ a growth spurt.” Tess climbed the stepstool and I rolled my eyes behind her back at the oh-so-dangerous foot and a half of height she stood above. “I can go ahead and take over the chores ‘ya need help with.”
I shrugged, lifting my hands and then letting them slap down onto my thighs. “Alright. Want me to take over Suri while you handle the dishes?”
“Yes, and I’ll be wiping down the countertops and stove with bleach. So, I don’t want either of ‘ya in here until I say so.”
“Right. Grabbing snacks.”
Arms full of Cheerios, applesauce pouches and beef jerky, I joined Surinder in the living room. She was watching one of her preschooler shows on TV from inside her pop-up play tent. Her toys were strewn all over the floor – the living room had become her territory and she marked it with Duplo blocks and miniature plastic food. 
I bent over to start picking up and I grunted when the ligaments around my waist pulled tight. Tess was right about the babies, I hadn’t gotten round ligament pain so early before.
It wasn’t long before Suri crawled out of her tent and patted my leg to get my attention. “Fa! Fa!” she called my name until I turned around and acknowledged her.
“What is it, baby girl?”
“Go! . . . Go potty!”
“You gotta go potty? Okay, let’s go-oh!” I winced as I stooped to pick her up, my hands flying to my sides. There was that ligament pain again. I rubbed my hands into my lower belly, trying to work out the tension in my stretching muscles. “Let’s walk to the potty.”
I kept feeling that growing pain. I got a charlie horse in my back as I was helping Suri in the bathroom. That nerve-deep pain flared up in a ring around my hips as I sat down for dinner, but a slight adjustment in my posture made it nothing more than an annoyance. I went to bed that night safe in the knowledge I would wake up to another day of normalcy.
I woke up to my alarm, bright and early as always. I woke up to that ring of pain around my hips as I stretched out under the covers. I woke up to the sensation of wet fabric, something sticky plastered against the curve of my rear and up my lower back. I woke up to blood, both crusty brown and damp red, on my pajamas and sheets.
I woke up wanting to scream. Instead, I tip-toed past Suri’s nursery and padded down the hall to her parents’ room. I knocked once before opening the door. I was like a child needing to be comforted from a nightmare, appearing in the Tariq’s doorway and softly whispering their names until they stirred.
“Ray? Tess?” I leaned a little harder against the doorframe as I watched their silhouettes sit up in bed. “Can one of you drive me?”
Tess yawned. “Where, doll?”
“The ER.”
With the yank of a chain, Ray’s bedside lamp clicked to life. I didn’t need to scream. Tess did it for me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ray held my hand while we waited in the emergency room. I’d cleaned up and changed clothes – Ray had lent me a pair of his sweatpants, just in case I bled through my pad. All that remained of my pregnancy was sealed in a sandwich box on my lap. Tess suggested I take the large clump of blood and tissue I’d found in my underwear with me for the doctor to look at, but I hated holding that box knowing someone’s lost dream was inside.
Tess hadn’t come to the hospital with us. She stayed at the house until her parents arrived to take Suri for the day and then met us in the waiting room. I sat between them, resting my head on Tess’s shoulder while both of them wrapped an arm around me. We waited like that for over an hour.
Most of that day is a scrambled signal in my memory. There was a lot of waiting. A lot of fluorescent lights and white-beige walls. We watched TV together in the room they put me in, but I don’t remember what we watched. Only one memory of that ER visit is clear:
A nurse came in and confirmed what we already knew. They’d found the stringy prototype of a placenta in the tissue I’d passed, along with one of the gestational sacs. That was concerning, though. One. They’d only found one of the twins. There was a possibility I needed surgery, so they had to go in and see what was left. The Tariqs weren’t allowed to follow me as I was wheeled down to radiology.
The ultrasound room was dark and warm, the only light coming from the idle monitor of the computer. It was easy to close my eyes and drift into a trance as the tech smeared gel over my lower belly. I’d been scheduled for my next ultrasound in two weeks. I didn’t think I could handle seeing how empty I was.
“Did everything clear?” I asked, resting my hands over my sternum. Even if I didn’t want to see it, I still wanted to know if they were gonna have to scrape me out.
“I can’t say for certain until the doctor has a chance to look at these,” the tech said. “I’m just here to take pictures.”
I wished this was the same tech from my first ultrasound. I could’ve used their friendliness.
“I stopped cramping a while ago,” I said, “so hopefully it’s over.”
The tech rolled the wand up from my groin and I felt it press on the solid lump in the front of my hips. They were pressing hard – trying to get a good image, I assume – but eased off as they moved the wand just below my navel.
“Ope, no. Wait,” the tech said, “there’s the other one. Gosh, that one is way up there.”
Bat Bean. That’s what the Gillespies and I had been calling Baby B. We’d been calling Baby A “Jellybean”. I wondered what their real names would’ve been. My throat closed up and I had to stop wondering.
“Oh . . . my . . .” the tech said, nearly in a whisper. Then, much louder: “Well, hello there, little guy!”
“What?” I asked, opening one eye in hesitation.
I saw their face in the light of the monitor, saw the crescent moon of a smile below their reflective glasses. “It’s kicking!”
“What?!” 
My neck arched and suddenly I was staring at the high-def image of a grey gummy bear on the screen. Nubby limbs twitched as the oval-shaped body curled and uncurled, swimming around its bubble of fluid like a tiny fish. The bulbous head turned and I watched in utter amazement as Baby B’s whole body flipped over in a summersault.
The tech hit a key and a steady whop-whopa-whop-whopa played as a line of white peaks and valleys appeared below the image. “And we have a heartbeat!” they announced, all monotone gone from their demeanor.
I must’ve been in a state of shock, because my memory after that moment is almost entirely blank. I have a vague recollection of signing some paperwork and a surgeon standing over my bed, listing off possible side effects. I remember a needle going into my arm, and then my memory is a void.
My memory restarts at the point I woke up in the recovery ward. Please understand that before this point, I had never had any kind of knock-out juice. I’d never had surgery before. So, please don’t make fun of me when I admit that I woke up crying. My vision was blurry, my head was in a vice, my anti-nausea medication had worn off, and it felt like I had a cactus in my vagina. 
I saw a silhouette at my bedside, a woman’s silhouette with a ponytail of dirty-blonde hair. For a second, I thought my mom had forgiven me – I thought that someone, somehow, had reached her. I thought she cared enough to be worried about me. I reached out to her, craving to feel her hold me again. I felt horrible. I wanted my Mama to make it all better.
“M-om?” I mewled, my mouth slow and dry. 
I touched the woman’s arm, causing her to turn towards me. She wasn’t my mom – just a nurse who styled her hair the same way. “No, sorry. I’m not Mom,” she said softly. “She’s probably waiting for you outside.”
I knew she wasn’t. I felt more tears trail down my neck.
“Just lay back and try to wake up a little more,” the nurse told me, “then we’ll let your family come back and see you.”
I dipped in and out of a fugue state, gradually returning to reality as the drugs wore off. Although I couldn’t remember much before surgery, I was inately aware that my cervix had been sewn shut. There was no telling what had caused me to lose Baby A, but Baby B was still considered at-risk. Sealing the exit shut was the best bet to keep ‘em in there. The fact I was still pregnant at all after so much blood loss and cramping was miraculous. Just to be safe, they hooked my IV up to something that would stop my uterus from contracting. 
When I was awake enough to feel hungry and ask for food, the Tariqs were allowed to come sit with me in my cubicle of curtains. Tess sat on the side of my bed while Ray tried to nap in his chair. It’d been nearly twelve hours since we arrived at the hospital and we were all exhausted. I barely had the energy to lift spoonfuls of chicken noodle soup to my mouth. After I’d gotten some broth and crackers down my throat, and Tess and I had run out of small talk, Tess leaned in and wrapped her arms around me.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” she whispered into my ear. “I know what you’re feelin’, and it’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”
They weren’t empty words – far from it. Tess had been where I was time, after time, after time. Only, for her, it was worse – those lost children were her own. Then . . . there had been Ravi. I didn’t want to imagine how his loss had felt. Well . . . perhaps I could make a light comparison, but I at least knew my son was alive and well somewhere. I wrapped my arms around Tess in return, blinking back tears.
“No, Tess,” I said, my face covered by her long flaxen hair. It smelled like her mint shampoo. “I’m sorry you went through this so many times.”
Tess held me tighter.
“Have you told them?” I asked.
“No. We wanted ‘ta hear what the doctor said first,” Tess said. “Everything’s lookin’ okay with the baby right now, but he wants ‘ya on bedrest.”
“Can you . . . please call them for me? I don’t want to hear them . . .”
“I will,” Tess said, patting my back. “I’ll go outside and let them know.”
“If they ask which one it was . . .” I sniffled and choked back a small sob. “. . . tell them we lost Jellybean.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I continued to send the Gillespies bumpdates every week. I never missed a single one. I continued mailing them printouts of their baby’s ultrasounds. We never talked or chatted about what happened, nor did we discuss medical updates about Bat Bean. For those, the Gillespies waited for either Ray or Tess to contact them. I didn’t want them to associate me – the woman carrying their one and only child – with talk of heartbreak and loss. I wanted Silas and Owen to be excited when they saw an email from me, not dread clicking on it. Ray and Tess stepped up to be the bearers of heavy news for us. My doctor had me going in for ultrasounds every two weeks, which meant a lot of baby pictures from me and a lot of medical updates from the Tariqs.
My stomach remained flat for quite a while, with just the slightest bump in my lower belly for weeks. But one morning, around fifteen weeks in, I swear I woke up looking like I’d swallowed a cantaloupe. I guess the baby had finally hit that growth spurt Tess had predicted.
His name was Milo Bennet Gillespie. Silas and Owen named him shortly after we discovered he was going to be a boy. Owen was a fan of classic books who worked at Barnes & Noble, so I had no doubt he was the one to choose the middle name. Sometimes we playfully referred to Milo as “Bat Bean”, but that nickname faded out in favor of his real name. I worried over him – a lot. I bought a home doppler online so I could check if his heart was beating. Whenever I noticed he hadn’t moved for a while, I would pull up my shirt and rub the doppler on my bump until I heard the whoosh of his pulse. The doctors kept saying everything was looking good with him, but I worried.
I was essentially given leave of my housekeeper duties until Milo was done cooking. The doctor wanted me off my feet, so I spent most of my days on the couch watching cartoons with Suri. She was observant enough to ask about my big belly in her two-word-sentence manner. Unsure how to explain the situation, I told her there was a small person living in my stomach and that his name was Milo. I even took her tiny hand and let her feel where Milo was wiggling around. She didn’t like that very much, it freaked her out and she ran to her mother. I didn’t want her to get excited for a baby that wouldn’t be coming home with me. That wouldn’t be fair to her . . . or to me. 
It wasn’t the best experience, being pregnant without the baby’s parents there. When I was growing Suri, her parents were there with me at every doctor’s visit. They took me on day trips just for fun and to make sure I had enough to eat. They were able to put their hands on my belly to feel their daughter kick, and put their lips close to my skin so she could hear their voices. Milo didn’t have that. His daddies were hundreds of miles away. They’d never felt him squirm around, only I had. He’d never heard their voices close-up, just over the phone . . . maybe. The clearest voice he’d ever heard was mine . . . and my voice wasn’t going to follow him home.
Although I had the Tariqs there to support me and love me, I felt alone in my pregnancy. Milo was just a little visitor in the household – we had no toys or bedding or bottles for him, all of that was with his fathers. After he was born, no one would mention him – his future didn’t involve us at all. I was the closest thing to a mother Milo would ever have . . . and I wasn’t going to be a part of his life. 
It was an experience I’d had before, with the last baby boy I’d held under my heart.
It took a toll. It really took a toll.
Before I knew it, I’d blown up big as a barn. I no longer had a lap when I sat down, my belly nearly reaching my knees. Milo was a big boy – the doctor estimated he was around nine pounds – and he was squishing all the fluid in my body into my lower half. My legs were hot and heavy and my feet were too swollen for my shoes, so I shuffled between the bathroom, kitchen and couch in flip-flops. God, I hated being on my feet. I spent my days either dicking around on my laptop – using my belly as a desk – or watching TV while sprawled out on the couch. 
Surinder got really upset with me one day, when I refused to play tag with her. Ray and Tess were very mindful of how much Suri “bothered” me, but I never considered it bothersome. I loved Suri, she was practically my niece. I was sure to let her know that I wanted to play with her, but my “belly buddy” was making me too tired. I made up for it with lots of hugs and kisses, and I promised that once I was feeling better we’d play tag as much as she wanted.
As soon as I hit thirty-seven weeks, I was on high alert. I’d warned my doctor that I delivered before my due date at least once before, but he wanted to keep Milo in there until he was full-term. So, he refused to remove my stitches. As miserable as I was, I agreed. I wanted Milo to bulk up as much as he could, even if it added to my discomfort. If I could give Silas and Owen a perfect, healthy baby . . . maybe it would make up for what happened. 
My body had failed one of their babies – and so help me God I was gonna force it to nurture the other! I was determined! I would make it to forty weeks!
Yet, I would not.
I pulled myself off the couch one afternoon to grab a snack and my knees almost folded. I leaned against the arm of the couch as a deep downward motion slid over my organs. My lungs were slowly relieved of their crushing burden and they eagerly filled to their maximum. I lifted the weight of my belly with one desperate hand because I had a blaring instinct about what was happening.
“Milo, don’t you dare!” I muttered under my breath.
Like a Duplo block clicking into place, Milo’s head slipped into my hips. My belly visibly dropped, I felt it shift to hit heavier in my hand. Almost immediately, I felt the baby’s heft sitting directly on my sutured cervix. I groaned and pressed my thighs together. The pain throbbed between my legs, sharper than I’d ever felt.
“Hey, Ray?” I called, knowing he was upstairs in his office.
“Yeah?” his distant voice rumbled through the ceiling.
“Can you bring me my phone?” I called. “I need to call the doctor.”
A few minutes later, Ray thumped down the creaky stairs with my cellphone. He paused when he saw me leaning over the back of the sofa, kneeling with my thighs apart. “You okay?” he asked, handing me my phone.
“I need to call the doctor and tell him I need my stitches out, like . . . tomorrow,” I said, unlocking the screen. “Milo’s in my hips, he’s not gonna wait another two weeks.”
Ray rubbed my lower back, scratching his goatee in thought. “Is he going to wait until tomorrow? You’ve been having cramps, right?”
“Yeah, but they’re irregular as hell,” I said, putting the phone up to my ear. “I’ll be in labor soon, but not that soon.”
I was wrong. I was so wrong. I was so horribly wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Silas? Hi. Yeah, it’s Ray.”
“Fuck! Oh, fuck!”
“We have a situation. Fawn’s having contractions and you boys need to get on a plane right now.” Ray ground his knuckles into my back while I wailed face-down on my bed.
I gripped a bag of frozen peach slices in a towel between my thighs. My arms hugged all my pillows to my chest beneath me, and I buried my head between them to yell my way through this latest contraction. My belly was squeezed into a perfect sphere, peeking out from under my shirt as it hung down to my mattress. The contractions were actually pretty mild, all things considered. They didn’t hurt that bad at all. 
However! My body was forcing Milo down hard against my cervix. That pain was far, far worse than the contractions. His head was grinding against a closed exit, but the sheer force was spreading that exit open anyway. The baby was a battering ram and my cervix was a fortress door, splitting apart around its locks and bars with every slam. 
“Fuck, I want these stitches out!” I cried into my pillows. “I want them out!”
“Yeah . . . yeah, you can get a refund on the tickets you already bought,” Ray continued on the phone, and on my back. “I’ll book a room for you, don’t worry about that. Just focus on getting here. Bring an overnight bag for each of you and some basics for the baby. I’ll pick you up from the airport, don’t bother with an Uber.”
Tess walked into the room, a large duffel bag slung over her shoulder and her hair thrown into a messy bun. “Everything’s in the car,” she said. Her hand squeezed my shoulder until my posture relaxed and I lifted my head from the pillows. “You ready to go have a baby, ‘shug?”
I nodded. Tess helped me to my feet and I waddled down to the car doubled over and holding my belly up. Even without a contraction, the pry and pull on the strings holding my cervix closed was constant. My seam was literally about to pop. I had to recline the passenger seat as far as it could go so I could somewhat lie on my side. My contractions were regular, but very far apart; so, thank god, I didn’t have to deal with any while cramped in the car.
My chest tightened when we pulled into the hospital parking lot. I knew I’d be having the baby here. I’d prepared for it, but thinking about it was so different from doing it. Because of the complications with this pregnancy, I had no choice but to deliver in the same maternity ward I’d walked into years ago. I . . . didn’t like thinking about what I went through in that ward. 
Tess came around to my door to help haul me out, but I didn’t move. I stayed on my side, staring at the clouds hovering above the cars – they were painted with the summer sunset. 
“‘Ya want me ‘ta get a wheelchair?” Tess asked, leaning on the open car door.
“Yeah,” I sighed, resting my cheek on my hand. “Tess, I don’t wanna go in there. I wanna do this at home.”
Tess looked over her shoulder, scanning the hundreds of windows looming ten stories over us. “Me neither,” she said, then turned and hustled toward the hospital entrance.
At eleven-thirty that night, I found myself sitting on a birthing ball in a stagnant delivery room. The only light was the yellow wall lamp mounted over my bed – anything brighter and my head would pound. A monitor belt was pulled snug around my belly, leashing me to a gaggle of machines beside the bed. An IV bag of pitocin hung from a hooked pole beside me, the tubes trailing down to a needle taped in place on the back of my hand. 
I bounced on the ball, my hands braced on Tess’s knees while she sat on the side of the bed in front of me. I felt my torso squeeze and held my breath. The monitor beeped, registering a contraction.
“Blow the pain out,” Tess crooned, ghosting her fingertips up and down my arms.
I grabbed her knees and rotated my hips on the ball. A small “Ack!” bubbled up from my throat before I sucked air in through my nose and forced it out through pursed lips. I blew hard until my lungs went flat, then filled them again and continued the process. Salty water leaked from my shut eyelids and slid in thick droplets down my neck and back. I blew so I wouldn’t scream. I knew I could scream, but I didn’t want to come unglued only a few hours into active labor. Hell, my water hadn’t even broken yet. 
I could still be in control of myself, even if this birth was not going according to plan.
I was hoping labor would be smoother after the stitches were out, but they’d only caused more complications. I’d dilated quickly regardless of the sutures, already three centimeters open when the doctor snipped the strings. He’d gotten to me too late, though. The stitches had ripped small tears in my cervix as Milo’s head pulled them apart. The swelling was immense – within minutes I was sealed shut again and my labor stalled. Hence, the pitocin.
The pitocin hijacked my body, forcing it to crush inward on itself like a soda can in a hydraulic press – at a strength and speed beyond what felt natural. I had never felt labor this intensely! I would desperately cling to any self-control I had in that beige nightmare of a room.
“Mmmmh,” I hummed through my nose, my hip swivel morphing back into a bounce as the contraction eased.
“Good job,” Tess grinned at me. “You’re doin’ so good, Fawn.”
I moaned and leaned back, bracing my hands on my hips as I rode that birthing ball like a rodeo star. “Have they landed yet?”
“Doll, they ain’t on the plane yet,” Tess said. “The only direct flight they could book on such short notice leaves at one-fifteen. Ray’ll call us when they take off and when they land.”
“God,” I huffed, my chin falling onto my chest. “They gotta be here. They can’t miss this!”
“Everyone’s doin’ their best and that’s the only thing they can,” Tess said. “It’s only an hour flight. They’ll be here in time, don’tcha worry.”
My hair had grown past my shoulders during my pregnancy, and it was suffocating me. I lifted my auburn curls off my flushed neck to cool down. Tess watched me for a moment before pulling the elastic band from her hair. A cascade of blonde fell down her back, sun-bleached highlights vibrant even in the low light. Without a word she came ‘round and gathered my frizz into her hands. A few flicks of the wrist and she had my hair up in a damp, poofy bun.
Tess kneaded the back of my neck for a while. I rested against her, letting her work my muscles like dough. Milo kicked, causing a dull ‘thump’ on the doppler.
“Fawn,” Tess broke the silence, “there’s nothin’ wrong with askin’ for pain relief.”
“Don’t want it.”
“Doll, I can tell it’s hurtin’ like hell. You’re hooked up ‘ta stuff that could rocket a foal out’a ‘ya.”
“I’m. Fine.”
“Just ‘cause ‘ya managed before doesn’t mean-.”
“I don’t wanna be stuck in that bed!” I cried. “I don’t wanna lay there like a lame horse ‘til they strap me up in stirrups! I’m NOT doing that again!” 
I pulled away, using the bed’s railing to lift myself to my feet. My hand wrapped around to support my lower spine, exposed by the untied loops of my hospital gown. Tess picked up the absorbent pad on the birthing ball, folding it over to hide the bright spot of blood where I’d been sitting. I saw it, but it didn’t scare me – I knew it was from all the swelling. She retrieved the pink water cup from the table and let me drink from its straw.
“I had my baby here, too,” she finally spoke. She sat back down on the bed and smoothed her hand over the starchy sheets. “The beds feel the same.”
“Ravi was born here?” I rocked myself from foot-to-foot, holding onto the railing to keep steady. “I didn’t know that.”
“Four years ago as of January,” Tess said with a nod. “I was in here a few months before ‘ya, ‘shug. Who knows? Maybe they had us in the same room.”
God. Had it been four years already? I had a four-year-old somewhere out there and he had never seen my face. What toys did he like to play with? Did he watch the same preschooler shows that Suri and I watched together? What were his favorite foods? I wanted to know all of that. I wanted to know him! I wanted to know the sound of his voice, the color of his eyes, the texture of his hair . . . or his name.
A scar somewhere in my chest ripped open and I swear I could feel a black void pouring over my ribs like paint. I held my breath. Tears dripped from the tip of my nose and onto my belly. I was in so much pain, but not from labor. My soul was bleeding – the wound as raw as the day it was carved.
In my mind's eye, I saw myself reaching for my son as the doctor held him up. I saw my arms cradling his little naked body against my chest while he took his first breaths. I saw my lips pressing kisses into his bald, wrinkly scalp while my eyes cried phantom tears onto his skin.
None of that had happened at all – but it should have! I should have been given the chance to say goodbye – to look into his eyes and tell him how much I would always love him, even if he couldn’t see me. No, not even that. He should have stayed my baby! I should have gotten pregnant by a different man – a good man. I should have been on the pill instead of relying on his father’s cheap, oversized condoms that were probably expired. I should have fucked up my life less. I should have made a thousand better choices, so he could have stayed my baby!
I screamed along with the frantic beeping of the monitor, but all physical pain paled in comparison to the emotional. I’d cried through my heartbreak once before, but being back in that damn ward, in an identical room, brought all my grief pouring back out. Tears and liquid snot flowed down my face as I white-knuckled the bed’s railing to keep me upright. I gulped full lungs of air, only to wail and scream and sob until they were empty.
I think Tess knew my tears were from deeper down than they seemed. She leaned close and gently took hold of my contracting sides. Her palms rubbed large, soothing circles into my hardened womb. Her sympathetic eyes never left my face.
“Good girl,” she crooned. My eyes were blurry with salt water, but I thought the skin around her eyes looked red. “Scream it all out.”
“I want my baby, Tess!” I cried. “I . . .” my shoulders jerked with a sob, my diaphragm spasming from lack of air. “I n-never got to ho-hold him!” Another hiccup. “H-He’s going to think I . . . think I didn’t w-want him! But I . . . I wanted h-him so much!”
“Hushhh,” Tess shushed me. She wiped my face with the scratchy hospital blanket. “Hush now, doll. Calm ‘yaself down and get some air in.”
“Okay,” I nodded, still choking on sobs and panting for breath. “Okay . . . okay . . .” The awareness of the contraction began creeping into my brain. “Ohh . . . ohh . . . oh, shit!”
Blinded with tears, I threw my arm out to grab onto Tess. I balled her shirt collar in my hand and restarted my “blow the pain out” technique.
Tess continued massaging the sides of my belly, waiting to speak until she felt my muscles start to uncoil. “Are ‘ya sure you don’t want somethin’? I can call the nurse.”
I sniffled and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. Able to see again, I realized I hadn’t been wrong. Tess had been crying. My hand released her shirt, and my arm snaked around her shoulders to pull her into a hug.
“Tess . . . I just want you.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three-thirty in the morning. We hadn’t heard anything from Ray, and even less from the Gillespies.
A nurse had been in to check me twice in the last hour. Milo was still in his comfy water balloon and that seemed to be cushioning him from the extra-strength contractions. I nearly started crying again when they told me his heart rate was fine and I could continue to labor on my own. With how damaged my cervix was – and how many liters of pitocin they’d given me – I’d been terrified of an emergency C-section.
By then I’d lost the use of my legs, but I refused to stay on the bed for more than a few minutes – usually just long enough to pull my knees back and let a nurse stick her fingers inside me. With the help of an orderly who’d come to swap out my IV bag, Tess had taken the mattress off the bed so I could have something soft to lie down on without feeling trapped.
I’d taken to half-lying on the floor with my arms and upper body resting on the birth ball. I couldn’t keep myself quiet during contractions any longer. Making low, rumbling noises like a cow in a ball gag was a must. It was how I was surviving. Between those moments, I was just tired. It was a relief that I couldn’t feel my cervix anymore, but that was likely because it had effaced. My eyes were heavy and full of grit, but the sixty-something seconds I had between contractions didn’t allow me to sleep.
At that point, I was beyond the mental capacity to worry about Silas and Owen. Milo and Tess were the only other people who existed in the world as transition’s brutal hand crushed me in its fist.
In hindsight, I think that’s why I didn’t panic when the pressure set in.
Tess was kneeling on pillows on the other side of the birthing ball, humming a lullaby to relax me between contractions. Her tune tapered to a halt when I shifted my hips, one leg pulling up to my side. “What’cha need, ‘shug?”
“I feel him.” I stated it like a bland fact.
My eyes were closed, but I felt Tess’s hand touch my shoulder. We’d already decided what we’d do if this happened before the Gillespies arrived.
“Alright, doll. It’s alright,” she crooned. “Lemmie come around.”
I heard the soft ‘pap pap pap’ of Tess’s socks traveling in an arch around me on the faux wood floor. Her weight settled on the mattress by my feet.
“Promise I won’t touch,” she said. “I’m just eyes.”
I grunted and rolled my leg outward to open my hips. Oh, I knew that pressure so well by that point. I knew better than to doubt my body. More pitocin mixed with my blood, drip-by-drip, through the needle in my hand. I wasn’t sure if someone should’ve removed it by then, but whatever. I was gonna use it to my advantage.
The monitor around my belly beeped. I pressed my toes down and pushed before I truly felt the pain. Milo kicked the doppler again, like he realized he was finally being evicted. After a solid ten seconds, I relaxed with a nasally whine.
“He’s coming, Tess.”
“I know, doll.” Tess gently nudged my foot to a more grounded position. “Soon as I see ‘im, I’ll call a nurse. Ain’t no one gonna put ‘ya in that bed, I’ll make sure’a that.”
I scooted up more into a half-squat, one arm draped over the ball and the other wrapping around my knee. Chin-to-chest, I used the rest of the contraction to bear down against the familiar sensation of a baby sliding down my passage. I took frequent breaths between my efforts so I wouldn’t get dizzy, panting a small “Uh . . . Uh . . . Uh” with each exhale.
I didn’t need to throw my all into pushing, the contractions were doing most of the work. Maybe that pitocin was a blessing in disguise – I don’t know if I had the energy to make progress without it. Five pushes in, and I felt my inner walls stretch around the baby. My quiet whines and grunts escalated into growls as the pain grew sharper, and I flowered open wider.
“Damn, he’s huge!” I moaned as I eased off my most recent push. Forget “Bat Bean”, the fucking Chicago Bean was coming out of me!
“Remember, you’re pushin’ out the sac, too,” Tess said.
I hugged my hiked-up leg closer to my side, teeth gnashing in my skull as my face turned purple with effort. “Ugh!” I released a small bark of pain during a brief pause, then spent the rest of the push with a low growl in my chest. 
My labia brushed the crease of my thigh, the skin bowing out and preparing to stretch. I felt the inner structure of my clit get crushed as the mass of the baby pressed its way down. It was something I’d felt before in the past during childbirth – but never to the extent that it fired electric shocks of nerve pain down both legs. My toes curled as a ghostly, stabbing pain assaulted the arches of my feet.
I relaxed against the ball with a loud huff of air. “Tess, rub the bottoms of my feet,” I begged, my head falling back against inflated rubber. Thank god she did it without question, I was too embarrassed to explain.
Two contractions later, I was mid-push when a gout of hot water splashed onto the mattress. My focus was broken by the release of pressure, and I leaned forward to peer over my belly. A saw an expanding area of wet sheets between my thighs, darkening the color of the mattress as more amniotic fluid drained from me.
“He’s makin’ his way out, doll!” Tess grabbed the blanket and bunched it up around my rear to soak up some of the mess. “You’re openin’ up!”
“Ahh!” The arm holding my knee in place flew down to pry open my leg, fingers pulling at the skin where my thigh met my groin. My body pushed for me and my perineum thinned out and spread over the head as it dropped past my tailbone. 
“Fuck, Tess!” I whined, vocal chords straining. “Fuck, he’s hurting me!”
“Take it slow,” Tess said, patting my thigh. “Let it stretch.”
I arched back against the ball as my lips bulged outward with the size of Milo’s head. The arm draped over the ball was numb, but it was the only thing keeping me upright. The room reverberated with a roar I didn’t realize was mine as I felt that all-too-familiar fire blaze to life. My entire world shrank down to that inferno between my legs. The only thought in my head was to push down into it. My fingertips migrated beneath me, pressing against the hellfire in my perineum as the flesh pulled dangerously tight. I was aware Tess got up from the floor, but I was blind and deaf to the world.
The ringing in my ears muffled the sound of the door bursting open. My eyes flew open in surprise as a gloved hand gently nudged my fingers aside and cupped my perineum. A scrubbed nurse knelt in front of me, a mask covering her face from the nose-down – but even then, her eyes smiled at me.
“Good job, Fawn!” the nurse praised me. “Baby’s crowning. You’re nearly done!”
I flinched when someone else took my leg and hiked it up to my side. It was Tess. I finally understood she must’ve run and got help. I thought I heard a cell phone ringing, but no one else reacted to it. I accepted the fact I was hallucinating.
I threw my arm around Tess’s waist, unaware my fingers were coated in blood, and held tight as I pushed again. I gasped deep and screamed as I felt myself make quick progress once the top of his head breached the air.
“Don’t stop, doll. He’s comin’,” Tess said, her lips brushing my scalp.
Sweat stung my eyes, so I kept them squeezed shut. My whole body trembled, my nerves going haywire as Milo surged forward with a massive, unstoppable push. I felt the little bump of his nose traveling through the pouch of my perineum.  The nurse palmed the crown of his head, trying to let me stretch easily over his brow.
A loud slam caused everyone to jump, and the bright light of the hallway sent a migraine through my skull. The nurse turned to scold the two men scrambling into the room, but Tess saved the day:
“They’re the parents!” she cried. “They’re stayin’!”
I couldn’t pay attention to anything going on around me. With a roar of effort, I bore down until I heard the wet little ‘shlip’ of Milo’s head pushing free into the nurse’s hand.
“Owen! Silas! Here, now!” Tess ordered.
I heard two more bodies thump to the ground beside the floor bed.
“We’re so sorry, Fawn!” I heard a familiar voice yell – a voice that belonged to a man I’d only ever heard through the static of a screen.
“Later, Owen!” Tess snapped. “Focus on your baby right now! Do not miss this!”
I didn’t care about anything – I knew this baby was on his way out right then and there! Nothing else in my mind or body would function until he’d made his journey earth-side! I clung to Tess, who pressed my leg back wider as Milo’s thick shoulders started to press out of me.
“Push, doll. Push on ‘im hard,” she encouraged me softly, her voice like warm honey.
The nurse began pulling down on the baby, forcing his shoulder to pry my public bone out of place to come through. I don’t quite know what the sound I made was, but it didn’t sound human. The nurse pulled upward, and . . . 
“And we have a baby!” the nurse cheered as Milo’s body gushed out onto the mattress. A small trickle of leftover fluid followed his feet.
“Holy shit.“ My whole body relaxed as soon as that relief came.
My eyelids slid open when I heard that little guy make the sweetest newborn cries I’d ever heard. For a big baby, he had a small voice. Thin, blonde baby down was plastered to his scalp, and even while he was all squished and blotchy I could tell he looked like Owen.
“Oh, look how sweet!” the nurse sing-songed while she toweled Milo dry. “Isn’t he a perfect little man?”
A second nurse mysteriously appeared in the background. I peeked around Tess and saw the extra nurse fanning Silas with a laminated paper while he sat slumped against the wall, looking dazed. Owen kept looking at his husband over his shoulder, but his attention was constantly pulled back to his son.
“Oh . . . hey, guys.” I sleepily waved to the fathers. “When did you get here?”
Owen glanced back at Silas, who was rubbing his forehead and seemed to be coming around. “Just in time.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I flipped through the pictures in my phone while I rode home with Tess. Milo and I had stayed in the hospital for a few days for observation. I’d needed a few internal stitches (wow, real shocker there) and they just wanted to keep an eye on Milo because of his troublesome gestation. At first, there was a little bit of concern because of how lethargic he was – but his bloodwork was fine, so I guess he was just a sleepy lad. He wasn’t awake in any of the pictures the Gillespies and I had taken.
There were countless photos of Milo being snuggled by all of us. Ray and Suri had popped in to see me the morning after I gave birth – mostly for Suri’s sake, she’d woken up crying over not being able to find me at home. I had a picture from that morning of Tess holding Milo in the room’s armchair while Ray held Suri up so she could see what my “belly buddy” looked like. Suri somehow looked confused, disgusted and amazed all at once. My favorite picture was the one Tess had taken of me and the family together. I was sitting up in bed and holding Milo while Silas and Owen sat on either side of me. All of us – except Milo, who was asleep with a binky in his mouth – were smiling wide at the camera.
One of the first pictures in my album was of Milo swaddled like a burrito a few hours after he was born, fast asleep in the baby cot beside my bed. His name, weight and time of birth were written on a card taped above his head. Beside that card was the paper cutout of a purple butterfly. 
In Silas’s first picture with his miracle baby, he was pale as death but still smiling. He’d needed to sit down for a while after passing out, but he’d held his little boy nearly every minute in that chair. He’d held Milo while they performed his medical tests, only allowing the nurses to take him away for his first bath. In the picture I’d taken after that, Silas was gazing at Milo with all the love in his eyes that a father could give – and Milo was wrapped in a fresh blanket with an embroidered purple butterfly on the corner. The Gillespies had brought that blanket with them.
At first I’d thought the purple butterfly cutout was just a decoration choice the hospital had made; but when Milo’s first gift from his parents had the same image, I’d asked why it was showing up so often. Turns out, that hospital had adopted The Purple Butterfly Project – an initiative that offered support for patients who had lost a child in a set of multiples. The cutout on Milo’s cot was meant to celebrate the life of his “flown-away” twin, as well as make staff members and visitors aware that he was the wingless half of a pair. It took on the burden of explanation, so Silas and Owen could bond with their son without worry.
My phone buzzed with a new message from my clients. It was a selfie Owen had taken of himself and Silas at the airport, with Milo snug in a sling around Silas’s chest. The picture came with the message: “Thank you for blessing us so deeply! We hope the joy you’ve given us will be repaid – with interest! Milo is going to be showered with love every day of his life. You’re more than welcome to keep in touch with our family, Fawn. We’re happy to let you watch Milo grow up with us. Love, Owen and Silas.”
I locked my phone and sat it face-down in my lap. “Hey, Tess?” I asked, watching the road unfurl beyond the windshield as we traveled the rural roads. “When will it be my turn?”
Tess glanced at me. “For what?”
“Being happy,” I deadpanned. “I’ve made three different families happy. You and Ray, the Gillespies . . . and my son’s parents. I just wanna know when my turn is.”
The rest of the car ride passed in total silence. When we parked in front of the farmhouse, Tess turned to look at me while she unbuckled her seatbelt.
“Doll, there’s somethin’ I want ‘ya ‘ta see.”
Going upstairs was a herculean task with how stiff and full-body sore I was, but Tess held my hand and walked with me step-by-step. She brought me into the master bedroom and sat me down on her side of the bed. Tess opened her bedside drawer and pulled out a wooden box that was roughly the size of a checkerboard. She plopped down beside me and stared at the box in her lap for a moment before saying:
“I haven’t opened this since we brought it home. I couldn’t. But . . . I think now’s the time.”
I watched as Tess lifted the lid of the box, revealing a carefully folded fleece blanket with pastel stars printed on it.
“What is it?” I asked.
Tess lovingly took the small blanket in her hands and began unfolding it. Beneath the layers of fabric was a blue crystalline teddy bear sculpture holding a silver heart between its paws. Tess picked up the bear and held it in her palm – that’s how small it was.
“This is Ravi,” she said.
Once light hit the silver heart at a different angle, I saw the engraving on it: “Ravi Idris Tariq”, with a single date underneath. Tess turned the bear over in her hands so I could see the second engraving on its back: “I carried you every second of your life.”
“I wrapped ‘im in his blanket,” Tess said, her thumb stroking the bear urn’s head. “It made it feel more like I was puttin’ him down ‘ta sleep instead’a . . . y’know.”
I was too stunned to speak.
Tess set the baby blanket in the box and – tiny urn still in-hand – got up and walked to her closet. A quick rummage, and she returned with a different fleece blanket. This one was pastel rainbow colored and was covered in white stars, an inverse of the other.
“These came as a set,” Tess said. “We donated everythin’ he never got to use, except for this. This one’s special.” She rubbed the blanket on her cheek. “I prayed over this one. I asked Mother Gaia ‘ta allow my baby’s spirit ‘ta be linked to this earthly object, so that I could hold it and it would be the same as holdin’ him.”
Tess re-joined me on the side of the bed, clutching Ravi’s urn to her heart while she cuddled and kissed the rainbow blanket. “I still miss ‘im. I miss ‘im a lot,” she said. “Having this connection to him helps.”
After a minute, Tess set both blankets and the urn inside the wooden box. Then, she took my hands into her own. 
“Neither of us got ‘ta hold our little boys,” she said. “Mine was already in the arms of Mother Gaia, and yours was in the arms of his mama before you had the chance. That’s what’cha told us, right?”
I nodded, silent and enraptured. Tess smiled at me.
“Well, when you’re feelin’ more ‘yaself, I’ll teach ‘ya how to use my sewin’ machine,” she said, giving my hands a gentle squeeze. “You’ll pick out the fabric and you’ll make a baby blanket. That’ll be his baby blanket, ain’t no one else’s. I’ll ask Mother Gaia ‘ta bless it for ‘ya. When you feel all that love buildin’ up with nowhere to go, hold it. Hold your baby. He’ll be able to feel it, no matter where he is.”
I returned her smile, but my throat was almost too tight for me to speak. “I’d like that.”
We made a small shrine for Ravi’s urn on the mantle that night. Ray and Tess had Suri help set it up, explaining the existence of her elder brother to her in a way she would understand:
“Mama had a baby in her belly just like Fawn did,” Ray said, lifting Suri up so she could drop a few cut flowers from the garden beside the tiny blue bear. “That was before you were born. You were just a twinkle in Mama’s eye back then.”
“Where the baby?” Suri asked as her father plopped her back down.
“This is the baby,” Tess said, tapping on the silver heart between the bear’s paws. “He had ‘ta go back ‘ta Mother Gaia while he was still in my belly. This is where his body sleeps.”
I lit a few jarred candles and placed them on the mantle. From my back pocket, I pulled out the laminated purple butterfly cutout that had been taped to Milo’ cot at the hospital. I placed it upright against the mantle wall, so that two purple wings appeared to be sprouting from Ravi’s bear.
It wasn’t my turn to be happy, yet. I had a long way to go before I could start making my own dreams come true. Maybe school could wait a while. Maybe the money I’d earned throughout my surrogacy could be put to better use.
Maybe I was sick of staying on the path my own stupid choices had led me down. Maybe it was time I started making the choices I’d wished I’d made earlier.
I was tired of living in the shadow of grief Alexander had cast over my life. I’d lost everything because of him . . .
. . . but I was ready to start taking it back.
~ END ~
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