#That is true but I said I lied so you have no way of being sure
Text
꒰͡ ִ DON’T WANNA BREAK UP AGAIN ׂ ⠀ ͡꒱
ೃ⁀➷ Synopsis; Out of the blue, a message is sent from your ex after 4 months from the spilt. But why?
Rin x gn!reader
Notes. angst to comfort . Exes to lovers . Bad communication . Not proofread . Pretty used to describe reader . Wc; 2.6k . Extra fluffy bonus <33
Notification Center
— Rin; hi. I know this is…
What? The food in hand seemed to be forgotten as your fork fell back onto its plate and your eyes widen. Phone slamming onto the table from the emotions all flooding into your mind, spilling to your heart.
This most definitely was not in your plans for today, the single text sent impacting you stronger that you wish it could. But how could it not? You thought for sure you and Rin’s story was over, especially when he was doing so well in his career. Without you.
Isn’t that what he wanted?
The clock that you never pay mind to seems to daunt on you as the tick is heard with the time passing, although you know the answer that lies ahead will be waiting for as long as it can be even if you wish it could vanish.
10 minutes have passed and you can’t pull yourself together to pick up the phone, it’s late and you feel the dread kick in as you prepare for your sleep with your phone calling to you. The only thing you really can do it open the message.
The silence doesn’t help the hallow part of your being, the silhouette of the boy you love has his back turned to you as he doesn’t dare to mutter a word. His eyes can’t see the gleam in yours, yet his aching heart can tell he’s only going to break yours more.
“I told you, I can’t with us. This. It’s suffocating me.”
The words grow more tormenting, for both you and rin. Though your heart can bear it, the drain being one you can handle as it’s for him you wish to help. Your own needs being pushed away. You start to think of all you have done just for his heart, but did he even dare for yours?
“Then why didn’t you tell me Rin? You know you can tell my anything, I just need you to trust me and-“
“You wouldn’t understand! You think that you can help but it’s only a matter of time until you realize you can’t.”
Although it’s just a line to him, the words don’t seem right at all. The need to spill your heart out is desperate to convey the truth and remind him of what is true.
“Just listen to me, you can’t say that without trusting me rin. Let me help you or at least stick by your side, we can-“
“No we can’t. The only thing that will happen from this is more distractions and more arguments to come.”
“Agruments are normal. But this isn’t a distraction rin, never.”
“But you are.”
His head tilts back to look at you, eyes narrow and the sorrow in them make your heart stop. He’s being so serious about what he said. It’s as if he’s on the field, dealing with others as he spares them no mercy.
The tremble of your lip stills as you bite onto it, mouth dry with the remnants of his words lingering onto your being. Why did things turn out this why? Why must he push you away as if you two didn’t have anything special? A whole year and it seems that rin was lost because he never spoke up.
“Do you mean that?”
His eyes shut and look away, a flicker of gleam appearing in them before it’s gone in an instant. As he stares into the distance, you wonder just what he truly wishes to say. Because rin never speaks the truth, not without coating it with some other meaning.
“I can’t let anything get in my way, it’s happening and I can’t let this continue.”
“Why now? After all this time what changed to make you think that?”
“Because you’re becoming a fucking burden and being too much!”
Oh how he wishes he could take those words back, how his mind was filled with nothing but idiocy in the moment. The shudder in your mouth is meet with the tear spilling from your eye. Leaving you to walk away, broken to shreds from the boy who supposedly loved you.
His heart hasn’t stopped beating even though he finished his workout 30 minutes ago, Rin knew it was a matter of time until you would see his message. Hell, you probably already did. Probably left him on seen or something.
The message is still left on delivered, his eyes wonder to the profile picture of you that is still in your contact and his eyes close. You looked as pretty as ever. Even if that picture was taken months ago it was his favorite since it was in the morning while he was still asleep, you positioning the camera to also get him in the frame.
His hands clench around the phone, about to turn his phone off until he sees you read his message. Rin isn’t one to wait around for you, but he must right now. Because it’s you he’s willing to wait for, even with all his screwups, he can at least try.
The only reason as to why he got so much courage to send the text was because he couldn’t beat the fact that you might find someone else, someone who definitely would be better than he is.
But he’s selfish, and he can’t hold this churning feeling all bottled up until it breaks. He’s tried, he’s done so much to try and be better. Because he can’t go back to you if he’s still a broken mess awaiting to be replaced.
The bubble of your message forms as you type, his heart filling with anxiety and fear as he wonders what the hell your going to send. He wishes to look away, although his mind tells him to stay put. He can’t look away once more, no matter if the words that come are ones he wishes to not hear.
Notification Center
— Love; you’re right, I didn’t expect this…
The heartbeat is all too familiar from the past, though now the fear that he might reject opening your message is one he has to take.
The paragraph, similar to his, is rather ling but to the point. His eyes skin through, refusing to acknowledge the gleam watering in his hue of teal.
What makes a hitch come from his throat is the last line in the message, “I think we should meet up, to talk in person. If that’s fine with you.”
A soft smile comes to his face, not bothering to remove it as he can feel at peace once more. Even if you tell him that you two won’t get back together, he’s desperate to see you again. And maybe just maybe, you will have enough room in your heart to make space for him once more.
He feels himself grow impatient as time clocks away, he tells himself to over and over to be not be an idiot this time. That he can’t treat you like he has was others. Because that’s what ruined the beauty of what was once his, all because he let his own self crash into a state of ignorance, just for the hope of his own goal.
He’s early, the steps made don’t cause anyone to bat an eye, although it’s as if on instinct he looks your way. Rin meets your eyes and his mouth opens, staring with an emotion you can’t understand.
Your hands clench tightly as you grow nervous, you heart racing simultaneously with no end for its stop, one look and you’re reminded of how much the boy truly has affected you. Your heart feels its yearn, although you can’t let it go just yet, not until this has been talked out and left you satisfied enough to make your call.
“[Name]”
The call of your name makes you realize that yes, you two are in fact back together (distance wise and talking) and that this moment is one that needs to matter. The truth of the why needed to be brought to light, and if not you just might have to hate itoshi rin for the rest of time.
“Rin.”
The single bench feels smaller than it should be, although it was made for a pair of two. You feel out of place, distant, and like the two of you have created a tension others can most definitely feel. Both of his and your hands hold onto the bench, as if wishing to hold onto something else that is in close reach.
“Im surprised you asked to meet up, because i was such an asshole to you… even though you tried your best for our sake.”
You always did your best, the most admirable thing about you in Rins mind. No matter what, the strength in your soul so strong it beamed to strive for the best.
He can’t hold back now, he can’t even think about letting you walk away with disappointment or hatred for him. You might already, but his heart can only handle so much.
“In the moment, I was desperate to be the best. I guess now I have somewhat achieved that, but it’s not you that was holding me back, I was the cause.”
The nights he spent letting his anger out on his teammates even before the break up was one of multiple, they thought it was from the relationship struggling but in fact Rin himself was the cause.
It’s not as if these outbreaks of emotions were new, rather an occurrence happening from time. With you in the picture to experience him in these moments, it seems as though Rin took you as the core of his problems.
The arguments arising and ending did not in fact help either, they started small as most do. The reason being? You’re worry for his overworking and poor attendance to his health. It’s natural for a partner to care, that’s what others told him, though of course the inexperienced boy wouldn’t know that, not when in his mind it was something that he considered being “pestered” about.
“I thought that maybe, since you were the other part of me that was being so supportive, that I assumed that you would be the core of all my problems.”
“I didn’t realize how much I had taken you for granted, how much time and effort you spent trying to fix me. When all I did was ruin everything with my lukewarm brain.”
“I can’t blame you for that—well maybe, but…it’s not the most insane thing someone can do.”
His head turns to yours as you stare off into the distance, the park flutters away with its people and nature all enhancing the area.
For him, nature sights never caught his attention, though the fact still remains they make you glow in their presence.
“What do you mean by that?”
“I mean that, most do tend to blame others when they aren’t exactly in the best mood.”
“It’s bad yes, but when pressured or stress, people can lose control of how they act with others.”
“But, it’s not like-“
“It did hurt though, a lot Rin.”
His eyes move back to his lap, for once it seems his emotions aren’t being concealed and his fingers are fidgeting in worry. From your perspective, you can’t see the small tremble in his lips as he ponders onto what to say next, the right thing to say.
“I know, I know it did so much and I’m so sorry. I don’t think…I can do much to heal that pain but I just need you to know it was all me. All my fault for your pain and that you didn’t do anything wrong.
I never meant the words I said, you were never a burden.”
You were the home I never knew existed.
He was stupid, so utterly stupid. He might be even more stupid to think of the possibility that you two have another chance. His mind at least knows that you’re the type to let down someone in the most polite way possible, even if they don’t deserve such respect.
“I just wish you would have trusted me, that you wouldn’t blow up so easily without letting me talk. I understand that you can get upset Rin, we all do, I just needed your trust and communication. That’s all.”
You’re right, so right. Rin loved you, so much, but that never meant he could truly fix his other factors in return. His trust increasing, but also one that can be broken in an instant. Communication on the other hand, was the trickery part for him in general. He understood what you meant, that you wanted him to at least try to talk it out.
“That’s why, I want to…”
Rin feels his throat close, his words scared of coming out of him. Why? Why does he fear the worst? Fear that he might not get another chance? Probably, but he’s already here with you waiting, he can’t give up on this.
“What is it? You can tell me Rin.”
Your eyes are now on him, the concern and sincerity still lay in them as you have moved slightly closer to him. He feels more at ease, the sensation in him one that he has missed for a while now. His head now turns to you, eyes wide with a deep wave of emotion.
“Us. I want…you to maybe and try give me another chance.”
The widen in your eyes makes his heart drop, his eyes dare to look away in regret although a hand to his is placed. The contact making a hue of red appear on his face. A flutter in his heart is caused by the warm hand on his, which makes him look back to you. A smile takes your face, a rather bashful one that feels like you wish to hide it. Though Rin wants to tell you to keep it, cause he’s missed it so damn much.
“I can’t lie and say I haven’t missed us either Rin, I really do.
I want this to work, I just don’t want be to be scared again. That you maybe won’t understand and that we can’t work things out.
…I want to take things slow, I think for both of us, we need to learn. Together.”
Time. That’s what’s best right? Then Rin can absolutely wait, his time can be spent on something valuable to him other than his career. Although he can’t help but still doubt himself after your words.
“Are you sure? Is that really what you want?”
“See! You’re doing it Rin, just trust me.”
Your smile is more bright now, face close to his as your hand holds his tighter. He reciprocates, expression softening as he takes in your face after all this time. It feels as if he’s been given the opportunity of a lifetime, the need to be with you is a fundamental Rin will never understand. But right now, it feels as though he understands how important this is to him.
“You’re more than I deserve.”
The best thing I thing has ever happened to me.
BONUS !
“Oh? What’s got you so happy Rinnie boy!”
The players all turn their attention to him, and they think he’s seriously out of it. I mean, why is he smiling softly at his phone?
Oh. Must be you.
“Will you just shut up bangs.”
His phone is put away and a grimace replaces that smile of his, the boys all make sounds of “oooo’s” only making Rin slap the boy who started this all (on the head ofc)
“Heyyyy! You can’t do that to fellow teammate of yours rin! Especially after all that we’ve been through!”
Bachira and the rest watch as Rin relaxes slightly, in the past month, they can tell he’s changed. More than they expected. Presumably because of you and his relationship sparking back up. He tells them you two are taking it slow—which technically you are, but what the notice is fast Rin has changed. Emotionally and mentally.
“Seems she changed him a lot.”
“Yeah…sure does seem like it.”
#koiir writes#koiir *:ꔫ:*✧･ﾟ#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#bllk imagines#rin itoshi angst#rin bllk#bllk rin#rin x reader#rin itoshi#itoshi rin angst#rin angst#itoshi rin x reader#rin x y/n#rin x you#itoshi rin#rin scenarios#blue lock fanfiction#blue lock rin itoshi#blue lock imagines#blue lock angst#bllk angst#bllk x y/n#rin imagines#rin itoshi x you#rin itoshi x y/n#rin itoshi x reader#bllk fanfic
183 notes
·
View notes
Text
It might be worth it for once
Fernando Alonso x Reader
A/N: English is not my first language, apologies for the mistakes! This was inspired by the song Slut!, by miss Taylor Swift! Enjoy!
You had just posted a picture on Instagram of Fernando driving you took when you were in the passenger seat, on your way to date night. You thought your caption was hilarious: “shut up and drive”, quoting the song by Rihanna. An hour later though, as the hate comments poured in, it suddenly wasn’t as funny.
Leaning on the railing of the hotel room you shared with Fernando, you scrolled through endless comments calling you names, criticizing you and your relationship. Of course, the classic “gold digger” was there. Even after four years of being publicly in a relationship with Fernando, people still didn’t get it. Even though you were used to it, it still hurt.
“Mi sol,” Fernando joined you on the balcony, pulling you into a hug from behind. He noticed that you were scrolling through the comments, “Same old, huh?”
“Always. Don’t they get tired of hating me, hating us together? It must be exhausting, after four years.” You replied, sighing.
Fernando took your phone away from you and put it in his pocket. He spun you so you were now facing him, with your back against the railing.
“You cannot let them get to you, mi sol. None of what they said is true. These people don’t know anything about us or our relationship. I love you, and that’s the only thing that matters.”
He tucked a few loose strands of your hair behind your ears, trying to comfort you. He could see that the comments had made more of an impact on you than they usually did.
“I know, baby, and I love you too. It’s just that we’ve been together for a few years now, and I had expected the hate to slow down. So what you’re older? That doesn’t change anything!” You were getting frustrated.
He kissed your cheek, wanting to calm you down.
“You’re right, it doesn’t change anything. We are just a normal couple, doing things the right way. We moved together, we’re gonna get married someday, have our own family, grow old together…” He laughed a little, “Well, I’m gonna get older earlier than you, but who cares?” He shrugged it off, not noticing your eyes were as big as saucers.
“Fernando, did you just say we were going to get married someday?”
He looked confused, and almost hurt.
“What, did you not expect us to get married someday? Or do you not want to?” He asked insecurely.
You were quick to respond: “No, no, I mean, of course, I want to get married to you! I’m just surprised that you would want to marry me!”
“Mi sol, why would I not want to make you my wife? He asked, genuinely surprised.
“Well… It’s just that I expected that you would grow tired of me one day, realize I was too young, not mature enough for you, or something like that…” You replied, looking away.
He forced you to look at him by pulling gently on your chin.
“How can you believe that I will ever get tired of you? Mi sol, I could never have enough of you. I always knew I was going to be proposing to you one day. It has been part of my plan ever since we started dating.”
You were blushing, ashamed of yourself for being so insecure: “Maybe one day you will start to believe the comments on my Instagram posts, and you will leave me because you think that I am a gold digger, or that I’m only using you for fame… Even though none of this will ever be true, of course!”
Fernando took both of your hands in his, then he exclaimed “I could never believe lies like this! Frankly, I am a little disappointed. Do you not have faith in me or our relationship?”
You gasped, realizing you had hurt his feelings: “I’m sorry baby, I did not mean in that way! I know that you love me, and I love you too. I promise, I’ve always imagined us being together for the rest of our lives, I just wasn’t sure if you shared my plan. If you didn’t, baby, I would be crushed to death. In fact, I have so much faith the future of our relationship that I already have a Pinterest board for our wedding as well as a list of potential baby names that suit the last name Alonso!” You admitted desperately, but also sheepishly.
Fernando immediately softened at your words.
“Mi sol, you have a list of names? Which ones are at the top?”
You turned a deep shade of red. “Right now, it’s Santiago for a boy, and Marisol for a girl, because it reminds me of the nickname you have for me.”
“Don't be embarrassed. These are very nice names, all in Spanish too… You’ve really thought about this huh?” He stroked your cheek, then pulled you closer to leave soft kisses on your jawline. He was clearly pleased to learn you had planned ahead.
“Of course. It’s not a simple task, it cannot be rushed.” He could hear your smile in your voice.
“Yeah? I kind of want to put a baby in you right now,” he whispered in you ear. You immediately shivered at his words.
“Me too. God, it would be so hot to walk around the paddock pregnant by a man fifteen years older than me. Everyone would know it was you that knocked me up. Everyone would know how good you treat me.” You were getting turned on by this fantasy and the trail of kisses Fernando left all over your throat. He was getting worked up too, and you could feel it on your thigh.
“I can do all of that, mi sol. Multiple times, even. I would love to see you at the races with a baby or two in your arms, and another one on the way.” He left your throat to give the same treatment to your shoulders, pushing the thin straps of you dress to the side. His hands were working efficiently too, getting access to your thighs by lifting the hem of your dress.
You brought him even closer to you by pulling him by the loops holding his belt in place.
“Baby, go ahead then. We would be the talk of the town. Oh, the scandal it would cause, especially since we’re not married.” The thought was thrilling.
Fernando went back to your neck, one hand lifting your leg and the other one on the side of your boobs.
“Oh yeah, I forgot about that part. I want to make you my wife before I get you pregnant. I want you to have my last name before I give it to the baby.”
You were conflicted, but also pleased. On one hand, you really, really wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible. But being his wife before being the mother of his children was also really tempting. You teased him: “Sounds like you are ready. Pretty please, tell me, do you have the ring already?”
Your boyfriend smiled against your neck. “In the first drawer of my dresser, hidden underneath my socks.”
You shrieked: “No way!” Fernando laughed at your excitement.
You hugged him tightly. He really was serious earlier.
He answered simply: “Yes.” You kissed him, and he kissed you back immediately. The kiss was soft and tender and had a thousand words hidden in it. It was full of I love you, no I love you more. It was the kind of kiss that creates buttefly. It was the type of kiss you remember forever. After a few minutes, or maybe a few hours, the driver pulled away.
“Mi sol, I know I haven’t even proposed to you yet, but what if we went inside and practiced for our wedding night?”
You laughed and followed him inside.
A year later, it was his turn to post on his Instagram. This time, it was a picture of your wedding. Multiple songs by Rihanna could have been fitting for the caption: We Found Love, Only Girl, Love On The Brain, and many more. Ultimately, he chose a simpler one: Mi sol.
And when you welcomed your little girl, his caption was similar: Mi sol y mi Marisol. This time, the comments were pretty nice.
114 notes
·
View notes
Note
for the love of all that is HOLY part two to that caesar fic maybe a continuation where you left off. Reader cleaning his body? *Wiggles eyebrows suggestively*
I said I wasn't posting today well guess who Lied LOL. We love one stoic hot ape here and his name is CAESAR,, Reblogs and likes always appreciated, enjoy reading.
Title: Side By Side.
Fandom: Planet of the Apes.
Pairing: Caesar x Human! Reader.
Rating: T. ( Teeny tiny bit of aggression. )
Words: 2.1K+
Summary: ** Part One: War Paint**
Putting the paint on was the easy part of your job.
.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻
Your hands were shaking. You didn't have an excuse this time like before. You weren’t cold, even Caesar had to have noticed that you were in fact sweating, a small fire in front of you being more than enough to pound you into a lucid sense of heat. Tucking your long sleeves up on your biceps to keep them out of the way, you dipped a cloth into water gathered from the river nearby. Notice, he surely did. He didn't need to see, he could simply smell it. Almost every move you made in front of him caused a sweet fragrance to waft his way. It was so very familiar to Caesar, it almost felt like he’d drown in it. Nervous? He tilted his head minutely. Yes, Caesar had seen you nervous and he knew how it looked on your face. Reserved? Yes, Caesar repeated and watched as you wrangled the old cloth, enjoying the sound of the droplets falling back into the bigger pitcher of water.
Like rain against a roof, it reminded the Ape King of a meager memory and he found himself sliding his eyes shut. He could recall many times in San Fransisco… Many rainy nights where he sat in the home he proudly shared with Will, Caroline and Charles… Listening to the rain, looking out the window, wondering what it would feel like on his fur, what it would feel like cupped in his hand. Little did Caesar know in those moments of self-reflections, that many years later, they would be gone from him and all he was left with was the sensation now of water dripping from his fur onto the floor below, giving the impression that it was bridging the gap between himself and you. Taking advantage of his closed eyes, you made your move and swiped the cloth against the bridge of his brows and down the right side of his face. You were more comfortable working around his expressions if his eyes were not dragging you down into a room full of thoughts that were only about Caesar.
The white paint smeared against his wrinkled skin, giving a small twitch as you dragged the cloth across the space next to his muzzle. He seemed to have aged overnight from years upon years of unbridled stress and loss. Your heart churned uncomfortably at that, at how rugged he looked, at how he held himself as opposed to earlier. He seemed so tired now, so willing to accept and roll over. All you wanted to do was throw the cloth over your shoulder and embrace his face in both your hands. Take in each pleasure of feeling how it traced under your fingers, your bare fingers. Caesar tried to keep it light and positive when you had talked about loss before, but it was so apparent that it had a detrimental effect on him despite his ability to put on a mask for his Colony, for the greater good of the Apes. Where there was loss, he had explained in a rather rudimentary way, typical of Caesar when he knew what he wanted to express but lacked the dictionary knowledge of how to put it in a way that you would understand. With loss, there was much to be gained was how he put it. Said like a true leader, you dropped the conversation after that and it was never brought up again.
That’s how it worked with the Ape King. You questioned, he answered and you left it alone; Caesar was not a creature to come back to dwindling thoughts when he was so adversely confident in his abilities, practices and words. That’s what made him so enticing, magnetic by force and you fell right into the sphere of his gravity. Shaking that thought out of your head, you drew your bottom lip to urge yourself to focus on the task at hand and lightly placed the cloth against his cheek idly. You were looking at him now; the furrow of his brow, his mouth slightly agape as if in anticipation of your next movements, eyes shut, not squeezing but flutteringly that if he wanted to look right back at you, it wouldn’t take much effort on his part. A thin set of eyelashes trickled with action as you came upwards and swept the paint from under his eyes. Droplets fell onto his cheeks, giving the faux nature of tears. It was symbolic, in some sick and twisted way and your eyes trailed the drop down, down… It got lost in the fur of his chin.
Oblivious to your own nature now as you were so transfixed on the Chimp in front of you, your mouth had fallen open, bottom teeth now evident in Caesar’s eyes as he finally opened them in question of what you were doing, what was taking so long. Lake was fast to clean, you were slow, biding your time for an unknown reason, at least to Caesar. Green irises burned a hole in you, through your skull and it felt like he was able to read your thoughts. It felt like your skin was crawling, like he was inside of you and puppeteering as you unwaveringly looked right back at him.
Big mistake.
“Uh---” You hummed under your breath, the huff hitting his face due to the close proximity before you turned your body away from him, knees now pointing to an empty corner of Caesar's private sanctuary instead of directly at the King. A shot of what felt like electricity lingered in your entire self, radiating uncomfortable from your fingertips, your thighs, your head and oddly enough, your toes even felt a bit funny. “T-…” Clearing your throat as you dipped the cloth back in to get more dampened, you were screaming to keep your heart from jumping out of your chest. There was absolutely no way that he didn't know that, telling you often that he was able to get a good view of your internal self from his ability to smell, his ability to hear your heartbeat.
“The paint came off a little bit.” A mindless topic of conversation, and you weren’t sure if Caesar would comply. He wasn’t big into small talk and really only pleasured you with it when he felt it served a purpose.
He hummed in response, knowing you had to figure that words weren’t necessarily worth any other acknowledgement. It was such a deep sound coming from his chest, Caesar’s eyeline suddenly flushed with your chest as you stood. “It…” He nodded silently as you advised him just as quietly that you needed him to shift. With intentful action, Caesar’s jaw clenched as he let his head tilt backwards mildly, only accentuated when you had pressed an urging finger under his chin to aid. “Rained…” He bargained with you, “Thought it would.” That was said with what could only be described as smugness.
You paused in front of him as his words spilled, giving you the wanted attention that was leaking out of all of your pores. The way his voice came out in the position he found himself in was rougher than usual, vocal cords straining against his jugular. Pleadingly, you looked at said body part and felt a flush of something familiar now lingering in your tailbone. You could just reach up and grab it, though you knew Caesar would grab yours in return, probably ripping the vein right out of your neck. You began applying a bit more pressure to the red that trailed between his brows and down his nose the only part of his face paint that lingered. The white was easily gone, already faded deeply from being exposed to the weather. He was tentative in nature, staring at the ceiling before his eyes were flooded again, this time with your face as you moved above him to look, observing he assumed, where you needed to apply more pressure to clean the now crusting paint off his perpetually grouchy appearance.
Statically, he grasped your wrist when the realization came to light that with his face clean, all that was left was his body. He had enough with the paint placement on his chest hours ago,thankful to get that out of his mind for the hunting trip he went on with his closest council. That hard beating of his heart, that vile feeling in the very pit of his stomach at the idea of you just cleaning him… No no, Caesar’s eyes narrowed in thought. Grooming him made him uneasy with conflicted desires. Just mere seconds away from the cloth touching his chest, from letting you draw it along the lines you had placed on him, erasing them from his chest and following suit downwards… Down, down…
Caesar's teeth clattered together in his mouth, the sound so loud in his ears. So close to the burdens, introspective thoughts and animalistic urges he had about this entire situation. He wouldn’t be able to control himself if he allowed you to continue; allowed your hands anywhere near him anymore. If he just… let you… You twitch your wrist in his grasp. Ultimately now, you were one bad flick of the hand away from Caesar absolutely crushing your radius and ulna. He wouldn’t; but the gravitas of the thought rocketed a primal fear in your mind.
You stared at the mere contact of his hand entirely encasing your wrist, usually not a point of contention. Caesar had grasped at you in the past when you were flurrying off the rails just to keep you momentarily grounded enough, never enough to make intimate contact but enough to draw your senses back in. Most often, it happened when you were talking about something in a passionate fashion.
Your mouth parted in wonderment before trailing your gaze up his forearm, not doubting that if you chose to reach out and touch, it would ripple with taunt muscles. His bicep, the sheer size was enough to cause a lump to form in your throat. The width alone left enough to your imagination, the knowledge that he could very easily pick things up, heavier than his body weight, with just one arm. The glow of the fire in front of you illuminated his features further, giving play to shadows along the bridge of his nose, flirting and teasing at the line of fur that started right above his brows. He was undoubtedly handsome, you tried to come up with an excuse for your thoughts but nothing came to fruition.
There had to be a question lingering on his lips. They were pursed in such a position that it appeared he was going to say something. A hot flash hit the back of your throat as you wistfully admired him from such a juxtaposed position, knowing factually that you had to have looked so stupidly star-struck.
What was he thinking? You slid only an inch or two closer, body almost leaving the rock you were sitting on, knees swerving to give him your utmost attention. What was he…? Caesar stared right at you, gaze refusing to leave your own even if you chose to break the bond then and there. Whatever grasp you had on the cloth you were using to clean faltered and it fell flat onto the ground in front of you with a soft ‘sploosh’ sound. What was he thinking? Linearly, you looked into his eyes and found yourself wrapped in how they looked. Eclipsed irises coupled with dilated pupils, most likely due to the fire and dim lighting that encased your bodies, at least, that’s what you were telling your racing mind. Delicately, the flames flickered against your face… Too delicately and Caesar felt something prickly inside of his mind as he wanted to take that delicate nature and crush it between his hands, giving him pure dominance over the most subtle and entangling form of submission.
Gasping as his clutch on your ceased, your other hand rose instinctually and held your wrist tenderly. You were going to bruise there. He was almost aggressive in nature, giving the appearance of shaking you off of him like a bug. “You… Don’t… need to finish.”
You blinked, figuring out when he beckoned you after his arrival that he was only allowing you to clean him due to the human element of it. You knew he didn't care if it came off or how it came off; the opportunity for you to clean him was just another in the long list of Caesar accommodations he made for you. You wanted to ask why. Why you didn't need to finish, why he wouldn’t let you but all he muttered to you as his back was suddenly in your line of vision was, “Paint will… come off with rain.”
Opening your mouth to protest, you found yourself deflected as Caesar rose, all so powerful, his stance telling you that he was more than capable of taking care of himself here. His eyes, those eyes that had been so intently lingering in yours, were now hardened and so very distant. “You… should... go.”
#caesar#caesar planet of the apes#pota#planet of the apes#caesar x reader#caesar x human reader#kingdom of the planet of the apes#kotpota#fanfiction#fanfic#emmy writes
110 notes
·
View notes
Note
This question has been weighing heavily on me, and I need your advice.
Has anyone made you feel bad for being a huge fan of Rachel? Or have they made you feel guilty for choosing the Sacrifice Chloe ending? For me personally, I get more people looking at me as a bad person for choosing to save the town :/ Your girl is struggling and thinking about leaving the fandom because of these things.
Omg, thank you for asking this. No. Despite all the hate Rachel gets I know that it all stems from a place of misunderstanding/blindness towards who she really is, ignorance of the context of her circumstances and/or just pure biasness against AmberPrice. I'd say that choosing to save a town shows that you're a person with a big heart that cares for a greater number of people, which in a way is doing the right thing morally. It's actually a + point in my eyes. (Lmao I love Chloe but she literally said maybe it's her destiny and wants to save her family too, are they deaf for not hearing that part?? Let her be a hero and do what she wishes to do, is that so wrong? People be like nah imma save her cuz *I* love her and *I* care about her the most. Where's the altruism?) but still, I respect both decisions and choices.
As for those people that guilt-trip you or make you feel bad for liking the sweet girl Rachel and choosing a morally sound ending, best thing to do is to ignore them or stop talking to them specifically. (Blocking helps, too) There's more to the LiS fandom than those people, like I've met people who chose bay and love Rachel as much as I do as well, or good people that respect your choice because they also value you as a person. I'd say stick around with those people and this part of the fandom that you resonate with / don't have to feel bad about, and leave those that makes you feel bad for doing absolutely nothing wrong/liking a well-deserved character for her humanity, behind.
So yeah no one could really change my opinion much 😂 I wouldn't feel bad because I'm liking a lovable character! HAHAHAH idk if it's just cuz I'm stubborn, but finding the right people and those that respect you is also important. To quote a friend, it's 'AmberPrice against the world' really.
Hit me with those bastards that dare to make you feel bad or guilty for these things. We'll show them some true colours. (Pun unintended?) Their arguments are literally not sound and can be broken with some logical reasoning 😂
I hope you never feel that way. Know that I and those who love Rachel and AmberPrice have got your back girl!! 🧡🩵
Source: @erudapyon
And to the haters, You Need to Calm Down 😑 respect that people have their own opinions, shh, it's okay. This fandom should be a wholesome place instead of being divided by the choices in the game.
#life is strange#rachel amber#chloe price#amberprice#lis#fandom#chloe and rachel#amberprice against the world#life is strange before the storm#lis fanart#rachel x chloe#lis bts#rachel amber 4ever#lgbtq+#lis: bts#ask
25 notes
·
View notes
Note
Okay, this is the fourth time of me rewriting this comment.
And i am gonna try and keep it short ( I failed I am so sorry) . As this is about the Heart to Heart with earth.
Feel free to ignore this if you don't wanna talk about it anymore. If you said something about , I've been trying to put my feelings on this out for a while and it's just not working. (it's also now 4 am, )
I came away from the episode feeling like it was a good episode. Where the characters talked about why they were deciding not to help moon for different reasons.
I thought for most of them it was in character, even if I don't fully agree. I could see what the show was trying to do.
And then i see a lot of people agreeing and being really hurt by the episode. Because they feel like everyone is aboning moon. And leaving him in this vulnerable space.
I feel like i missed something. As to me. the celestial family isn't fully aware as to truly how bad Moon's mental state has gotten.
I have a feeling that (Sun and Lunar, more so then earth) Are taking moon's last words as face value ( wanting to bring solar back for ego/selfish reasons, and not because he truly breaking down)
(I also think monty still hasn't fully filled them in either that moon seems to be thinking he isn't real but I could be wrong!)
I think they'd be behaving otherwise if they know the true depts. they wouldn't wich is why this sucks so much. Moon is driving people away, actively sabotaging his own help.
I sit here wishing i would understand that hurt. I honestly truly do. Maybe because i have the feeling that they will help even if they say now they won't
maybe because i really hope sun isn't gonna make the same mistake as moon.
Maybe i am i giving sun, lunar and earth to much credit, and to many excuses.
I think...in the end. I don't think them refusing to help moon. Is them trying to hurt moon (even if that is the outcome) . But is taking care of themselves as they are all also still not in a good place?
And maybe because i genuinely can't see what they can do for moon to help him. As they offered him help but he refused or actively lied on how he was doing. So I don't get what help people want them to provide for moon at this moment. ( besides not leaving, but can you be there for someone that doesn't want you there?)
I dunno if i am making sense. trying to talk my feelings out is always hard. And I think for the first time I am on the other side of most of the people I usually agree with and respect a lot ( you being one of them ) . So I feel a bit lost and weird about it as to why my view is so different.
( I am honestly hoping Sun will see Moon having hallucinations, and at least will set something up so moon is never alone in that cell like he was. I feel like he thinks, he first needs to stop moon. And then when that is done. He can actively think on what to do next cause offering help first ain't gonna do it)
I am sorry for leaving this long ass comment in your inbox. I truly hope It didn't come off as attacking. AS it wasn't meant to be. Just a fellow TSAMS fan. who was in their own way very confused and hurt i guess and feels a bit alone in their reading of the story?
And trying to understand why people see this a an attack from the celestial family on moon. Or a active decision...instead of .. a series of what is gonna be a slew of bad decisions from everyone involved.
-Noffy.
Alright, I understand your point of view, don't worry about it, and actually, this is a YT series on VRchat so I shouldn't be so mad about this either yk JAJA
Ok, the thing is, the family doesn't know what's happening to Moon, that's right, they have no way of knowing what's happening to him because Moon pushed them all away and lied to them, now, the thing is that Earth knows. Monty told Earth that Moon had a psychosis episode and found him hitting the ground, that Moon could no longer tell what was real from what wasn't, so Earth knows that Moon is in a HORRIBLE mental state. And idk, but if you know that a person is in a state where they can no longer perceive reality correctly, I don't think the best response is not to help them.
Also, I'll highlight Lunar going from "I really don't care" (although he should care, we're talking about Moon, one of his brothers) to "fuck him" which is just weird?? The whole family was with Lunar and supported him when the thing with Eclipse happened but Lunar just does not care when something happens to another family member ??
I'm 100% sure that Sun will help Moon, it's more than obvious that Moon will get out of this situation, but the way the family is handling it is so strange to me. Lunar, Earth and Sun have every right to not want to continue dealing with problems but this is also partly their fault.
Since Solar died no one was with Moon because "Moon was busy", so Moon was alone in P&S with Ruin whispering in his ear and only Lunar went to see him a couple of times. Sun began to hang out more with Earth and Lunar, and Moon was left completely alone. "Oh, but Moon never said he wanted them to come with him! They can't read minds!" Yes, and that's true, but If everyone was aware that Moon and Solar were basically running around together every day, and everyone was aware that Moon was the one who had the worst reaction to Solar's death, the logical thing to do is to spend at least a couple of hours with him, right?
And yes, Moon lied about how he felt so this is also partly his fault for wanting to hide what was happening to him. But Monty is also to blame because he also hide it.
We are at a point where we have been shown that all the hallucinations that Moon has had are created by her consciousness out of guilt (in the same way as Sun when the BM thing happened), Moon regrets the things he said to Earth, Moon wants to stop, Moon wants to go home and apologize, but he can't. He thinks his whole family hates him, that no one wants him in daycare.
Also, I understand that Earth is hurt but she also isn't trying to understand Moon's feelings now that she knows everything Moon has been going through. Now she knows that Moon is going through the worst time of her life and she just decides not to do anything about it because "Moon said a couple of hurtful things to her." (things Sun warned Moon would say to push her away and things that worked).
I feel like of all the people, the only one who has a little more reason here is Sun, and, interestingly, Jack and the computer, who have done more than Earth and Lunar.
I think that now that he is locked up and unable to teleport it is a good opportunity for everyone to talk to him, a really serious and good intervention.
Sorry for the long text! And thanks for the ask and support! It really helped me let off some steam, hehe
#tsams#polaris stuffs#the sun and moon show#sun and moon show#non art post#tysm for the ask!#and for the support!#💖💖💖!!!#ramblings#moon needs helps
25 notes
·
View notes
Note
you hate the columfags so much but I want to hear your thoughtz,,,,Who do you think was dyl's halycon girl?
oh yippie. i've already answered this before, but i like to yap, so thank you anon :]
my main thought is: dylan did not love one girl, he circled around numerous girls that he thought he was in-love with, but in reality was just in-love with love, and that it could save him from his misery.
in klebold's journal, specifically the page dated: 1/2/98, the text reads:
man I dont know what's up lately...never do in existence. All this shit w. [edited] and [edited] friends.... so wierd & different from past... yet again, thats the way in existence. I wonder if i ll ever have a love...my love. [edited] got his, I dont, wont ever get mine. Here's all the people ive loved, or at least liked (or thought I loved) - all the same meaning.
followed by this image:
now he says "all the same meaning" and because of the hearts, I will assume the list is of people he had crushes on or thought he was "in-love with".
perhaps the halcyon girl was part of this list, or maybe these are past crushes, but still it gives an insight that dylan was not focused on just one girl and he was just kinda having little crushes on girls and was somehow convincing himself (that at least some) were 'true love'.
I've seen a few names thrown around. those being:
rachel joy scott
marla foust
kristen theibault
erin boortz
i'll try to explain why each girl has been said to might've been her halcyon girl, there's a LOT of info for some, and I'm just typing what I remember.
why rachel joy scott?
oh boy.
the letter R in the heart drawn in the klebold's diary. but there is no direct information about them being close. like at all. other than they both had devon as a mutual friend. they knew each other and probably only just because of the saved performance.
why marla foust?
marla is picked mainly for two reasons: the acoustic poem, the mention of "mara" in klebold's writings and that he supposedly asked her to prom.
In his journal entry of november '97 called "ThoughtS":
"church was so fun.... the rec thing w. mara". there's speculation that he just misspelled her name, which isn't far fetched seeing that he misspelled his own middle name at some point.
the acoustic poem:
there's 10 letters, marla foust, is 10 letters. it's possible to fit her name in:
M is for the moments of joy she gives me
A is for how she Always Leaves me helpless with her beautiful gaze.
R is for the RARE moments she shares w. me
L is for the Lost & found love that I've been Looking for all my Life
A is the Aspect of us as a couple.
F how Fondly i hope to spend time with her
O how she is the only one i love, that i have ever Loved
U is for the universe where we can Look at the stars.
S How Supremely beautiful she is
T Her Taste for everything she does.
as for the prom, marla told investigators at one incident klebold asked her to prom, but had to declined his offer because she already had a date. (however some people think she lied about that because dylan didn't even know the date to prom and robyn had to basically beg him to go).
why kristen theibault?
klebold a girl in his june ‘97 entry called "my 1st love??":
“such a strange name, like mine”, the theory is derived because of her last name, ‘theibault’ pronounced a lot like ‘klebold’. plus, kristen not only have friends in the TCM, (joe stair, chris morris and tad boles) she and dylan definitely knew each other at-least, to the point that dylan's dad mentioned her.
why erin boortz?
again, the acoustic poem, but instead, with erin:
E = is for the (everlasting, eternal, ecstatic) joy she gives me
R = is for how she (renders) me helpless with her beautiful gaze
I = is for the innocent (infinite, intense) moments times she shares w. me
N = is for the (new, newly) found love that I've been looking for all my life
B = is the (both, beauty) of us as a couple
O = is for how (often) I hope to spend time with her
O = is for she is the (only) one I love, that I have ever loved.
R = is for the (roof) where we can look at the stars
T = is for how (truly, totally, terrifyingly) beautiful she is
Z = her (zeal, zest) for everything she does
fun fact: erin's chevy blazer was hit with bullets during the shooting. I can't find much info about her than that lol.
that's about all I can think about tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if it was one of these girls, or maybe all of them at some point. or just a few. I've seen some people say he may had feelings for devon, but who knows.
a few things from his journal like:
"girls i know (mainly [edited] & [edited]), how i know i can never have them, yet i can still dream..." - mentions two girls and how he can't be with them.
"The one who I thought was my true love, [Edited], is not. Just a shell of what I want the most... The meanest trick was played on me - a fake love... She in reality doesn't give a good fuck about me... doesn't even know me..... I have no happiness, no ambitions, no friends, & no LOVE!!!" - ok. so bro really has the habit of just saying some girls are his true love and then realize they aren't. u see what i'm saying? he was playing hot potato.
"Goodbye all the crushes ive ever had, just shells.... images, no tu truths... BUT WHY?" - alright, first. crushes. plural. and again, frustration that said girl(s) didn't meet his halcyon expectations.
"[Edited] who i think i love deeper than ever... I was hollow, thought I was right. Another form of the Downward Spiral... deeper & deeper it goes. to cuddle w. her, to be one w. her, to love; just laying there." - ok. see, and now he just goes to another chick he's SUREEE is his true love.
"I don't know my love: could be [edited], or [edited], or [edited], or [edited], or anyone. I don't know & im sick of not KNOWING!! to be kept in the dark is a punishment!!!" - this could go on forever, but i think my point is made. he didn't love one girl, he was just desperate for something of "not knowing". he just wanted something or in this case, someone to save him.
tldr: dylan was lonely and just wanted some girl and the love they'd have to "save him".
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rating: T
Written for the @sambuckylibrary Summer Bingo.
Square fill: Long, Separate Vacations.
Words: 1.2K
Content: Language
It was silly, Bucky realizes now, the little spat he and Sam had had. Something childish that they, at the ripe old age of sixteen and seventeen, were too old to be acting like. Summer was too long to be wasted on being upset with one another because of childish, silly things. Still, Bucky is nervous about reaching out to Sam. He is afraid to even look at Sam's social media for fear that the other boy has unfollowed, unfriended, and blocked him.
Sam had said he was glad that they were going on long, separate vacations -- and even though Bucky had tearfully agreed with him, it was breaking his heart day-by-day, piece-by-piece.
His vacation is three days in. Three long days without hearing from his best friend. Bucky cannot enjoy the time spent with his family because he is fretting for Sam. Longing for Sam.
He chances a look at Instagram and sees that Sam has not blocked him. He scrolls through the pictures that his friend has posted. Sam is there hugged up with Sarah, Maria R, and Rhodey. He is wearing a bright smile. The Louisiana sun reflects in his pretty brown eyes, causing flecks of amber to shine through.
He is stunning. Bucky is so gone on him. He wishes they hadn't have had their stupid fight before Bucky and his family left for New York. There is so much he wants to say to Sam. So much more than what his stupid mouth will form; more than his heart will allow.
Just then, he is drawn from his pining by a notification on his phone. He follows the notification, opens his messages, and feels a familiar fluttering in his tummy: Sam has sent him a DM.
Sam has reverted to their old ways of being playful, it seems, and Bucky is happy for it. A little teasing and flirting between friends might be just what he needs.
Fuck it, Bucky muses. What harm can it do to just be real with Sam in this moment?
Bucky feels like his heart is going to leap out of his chest. They often flirt with one another; they often engage in playful banter. But Bucky feels a shift in their friendship right now, even though there are so many miles between them, and there is still a lot left to be said. Without giving it too much thought, Bucky closes the message thread and then calls Sam. He answers on two rings.
"Hello?" says Sam.
Bucky's tummy does a little somersault when he hears his friend's voice.
"Hey, Sammy," he replies. "I'm sorry about our fight."
"Me, too," Sam replies. "It was silly."
"Yeah, it was," Bucky agrees. "Let's not fight again, okay?"
"Sure, if you stop bein' annoying," says Sam, but Bucky can hear the smile in his voice.
He grins back and says, "Well, only if you do."
They both share a little laugh and then the line goes silent for a moment. Bucky speaks once more.
"Sam?"
"Yeah, Buck?"
His heart feels like it's in his throat, but he continues to speak. He is determined to tell Sam how he feels.
"I meant it, y'know," he starts. "What I texted you. I do miss you. I miss you so much."
"I know," Sam replies softly. "I miss you, too."
Bucky smiles widely and then lies down on his bed before he says, "I wish you were here."
"Yeah?" asks Sam, and it sounds as if he is getting comfortable, too.
"Yes."
"What would we do if I was there?" Sam asks, and Bucky has to tell himself to calm down.
"Well, I'd take you wherever you'd wanna go. My treat."
"Sounds nice."
"I'd introduce you to my family," Bucky adds. "My Grandma would love you."
"All grandmas love me," Sam proffers with a grin and Bucky can hear it.
"True, but my Grandma would love you most."
"How do you know that?" asks Sam, and his voice is sincere.
Bucky clears his throat and then says, "She keeps sayin' so. I mean, she says she's gonna love you when she meets you."
"How does she know about me?"
"I talk about you all the time," Bucky admits.
"It's been three days," Sam reminds him. "You couldn't have spoken about me to your grandma that much in three days."
Bucky lets out a small laugh and says, "Maybe I talk about you all the time when I FaceTime with her. Maybe she asks about you, too. Maybe you're all I wanna talk about."
"Oh," says Sam and Bucky can practically feel Sam's blush through the phone. "That's, umm. That's cool, but probably not necessary."
"I can't help it. I like you, okay?" Bucky blurts out, not being able to stop himself. "I like you so much, Sam.
Bucky cannot stop now once he has admitted that to Sam.
"That's why I talk about you all the time to my Grandma," he offers. "That's why it's only been three days away from you but I feel like I'm losin' my mind here without you. That's why I wish I we could spend the summer together instead of apart. It's because I like you. I like you, y'know, more than a friend should like another friend. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone else in my whole life."
His heart is threatening to leap from his chest. His face is warm. His palms are sweating. He finally said it out loud. He finally said it to Sam. In that brief moment, Bucky feels panic rise up inside. He doesn't get the chance to wallow in it because Sam is saying his name softly on the other end of the line.
"Buck?" Sam whispers.
"Yeah?" Bucky replies.
"I umm, I like you, too," says Sam with such earnestness that Bucky thinks he might cry.
"For real?"
"Yeah," Sam replies. "For really real."
Bucky lets out a nervous little laugh and says, "Cool. That's uh that's so cool."
"Yeah," Sam replies after a little nervous chuckle of his own. "So, what does this - what do we do now?"
"Count the days until we see each other again and make out about it?" asks Bucky with all of the hope and bravery his seventeen year old heart can muster.
"Damn, okay," Sam replies with a giggle, sounding somewhat flustered. "I'm down for that."
"Really?"
"Yes, really."
Bucky feels like he just might float away. He feels like his chest is full and there are a thousand little butterflies inside of his tummy. He feels like everything is right in the world. He wants to kick about and giggle and tell Sam how pretty he is and how badly he wants to kiss him. He wants to run out into the living room of his Grandma's house and tell her that his Sammy likes him back. Instead, a realization comes to him.
"Crap!" says Bucky as he covers his face with his hand. "This really is gonna be a long ass separate vacation."
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
medialog march 2k24
yes it's june don't @ me
watched
dune 2 - a gorgeously executed commitment to a story i literally cannot imagine being emotionally invested in and find very silly. i had a great time seeing this in IMAX but was puzzled by how reverentially silent our audience was towards a movie that had me giggling from the opening title (he who controls the flow of spice controls all... hee!) and laughing out loud every time christopher walken appeared. i said this on letterboxd and it's still true: timmy & zendaya are in a muppet babies version of their own movie whenever they appear but it's basically fine. in a just world rebecca ferguson would be julia roberts in the 90s levels famous by now.
killers of the flower moon - i hate leonardo dicaprio so much i can't really figure out how i feel about the rest of this movie because i spent the whole time thinking about how much he sucks and can't act
anatomy of a fall - i went into this pretty agnostic about the oscar race and came out thinking it was super embarrassing for everyone involved that this wasn't going to sweep everything it was nominated for, although i think screenplay was probably the ideal trophy for it to take home. this movie combines two of my obsessions, one long-standing (the inherent brokenness of the way we talk about women's art & women who make art) and one more recent (the lies of forensic "science" as presented in the courtroom), and it also manages to capture something specific and maybe inarticulable about being a child forced into contact with the court system (family, not criminal, in my case, but either way: no one gets to be a judge because they're good with kids lmao), and it's also about an off-putting bisexual woman writer... i mean. i was truly never not going to love it! i have seen some people say that the prosecution seemed cartoonishly evil and like idk about the situation in france but my brief obsession with wrongful conviction longreads a few years back has led me to believe truly nothing about it was over the top by the standards of americans convinced they've got a murderer on display. relatedly, if you watched this movie and thought it was genuinely trying to cast doubt on the question of her culpability, you have true crime brain poisoning and should seek help immediately. what this really is about, IMO, and what unites the women & art strand & the true crime brain poisoning strand, is how badly people want other people's lives to "cohere" according to their own pre-existing expectations and assumptions about what "anyone" or any good person would do in a given situation, and the ways people have responded to this movie have really emphasized how unwilling people are to waver on this. (i found myself thinking about it again peeking in on some reddit threads about the rachel aviv article about the lucy letby case that were filled with comments that amounted to, "americans just tuning in don't have critical information, such as: she acted so weird!!!! only a murderer would act weird!!!!!!!")
love lies bleeding - this shit rocked!!!!!! what a fun fucked up tense horny time; i found myself truly on the edge of my seat, like physically leaning forward in suspense. i was a kristen stewart skeptic walking into this having only seen her in spencer, which i thought was pretty bad and she was terrible in, but this movie singlehandedly explained to me why she is a movie star and also convinced me she's hot. i can't believe the kids today can just go to a normal theater on a tuesday night and see kristen stewart suck on some buff lady's toe. like what a time to be alive for real
the godfather - this didn't quite click with me personally the way some other belated canonical classics have (citizen kane, lawrence of arabia, casablanca are the three that come to mind), partly because i always struggle to parse mob narratives and was pretty lost on much of the actual plot, but it's very beautiful to look at and has many great performances
the godfather part ii - i liked this one better than the first one mostly because it gets more explicit about the gender of it all, especially in the fight between keaton & pacino, which was my favorite scene in either one, and also because of the closing flashback, which is the kind of shameless manipulation i unabashedly support
problemista - we saw a screening of an unfinished cut of this AGES ago and i fell in love with it and have been dying to see it for real and was so happy to do so!!! the movie has a fairy-tale gloss but a genuine steel and some real anger at its heart and the way it combines those two elements was extremely effective for me. i really really love that this is a story about an economically struggling el salvadarian immigrant struggling with the byzantine immigration process who comes to feel genuine kinship with a total nightmare of an entitled white american woman not because she learns or grows or softens but because he recognizes in her a hardness rooted in her commitment to her desires that ultimately he sees as a mirror to his own and something to admire. there's something about how staunchly it refuses common assumptions about who can or cannot understand or empathize with whom that i found so bracing. but also it's really fucking funny! i am so excited for whatever julio torres does next.
slap shot - i had never heard of this movie and kind of still can't believe that it exists and is like kind of famous apparently? and that paul newman did it? it's a story about a bunch of hockey losers but really it's just a satire about gender with the kind of ending that is astonishing in how it first shocks and then settles in as absolutely the only way it could have gone. like the movie is funny and weird if sometimes unpleasantly committed to a certain veracity about the language used by a bunch of idiot hockey goons in the 80s but the climactic sequence is a 100/10, all-timer hall of fame no notes movie magic moment.
god respects us when we wok, but loves us when we dance - 20ish minute documentary about one of the first love-ins and you know what? the hippies made some points and we all lose when we shrink ourselves to the demands of the god of cringe
read
sofia samatar, tender - samatar had vaguely been on my radar for years because her poem "girl hours" came across my dashboard ages ago and has made me cry like six separate times. tender, a collection of 20 short stories ranging from the very short to a proper novella, exploded my brain open in the best way possible (and also made me cry), such that i feel inadequate to the task of describing what makes it so awesome. she's so obviously fucking smart and so inventive with form and such a great stylist, adopting convincingly a wide range of styles but always feeling somehow distinctly like herself, and her imagination is so rich, that even the stories i didn't love were still a huge pleasure to read. these are stories that are engaging with history and playing with myth always in the service of wrestling with the question of what does it feel like to be alive, often specifically what does it feel like to be alive in the shadow or in the face of calamity and horror, with an insistent recognition of the fact that human beings react to calamity - they make choices, they tell themselves stories, they go deep into themselves to try to get at the truth. like she just Gets It. it's also a really well-sequenced collection in that it feels like her themes build on each other without repeating themselves, and in that as i went on i could tell that my response to certain stories was deepened by what i had read before. like, the first story that truly knocked me out was "walkdog," but i think i would not have been as disarmed by that story's youthful narrator if it hadn't come right after the learned tone of "ogres of east africa" (and both stories, i am only now realizing, are stories told in marginalia, essentially). my favorite story was the novella, "fallow," which is about a space colony of mennonites, and the final paragraph of which i will be thinking about for probably the entire rest of my life.
zadie smith, intimations - this is a collection of not-quite-essays released during the first months of the pandemic as a fundraiser and intended to serve not as a statement but as basically a set of personal snapshots from that time; it reminded me that zadie smith is reliably one of my favorite voices to let into my head. i would read her talking about literally anything.
kelly link, get in trouble - i honestly went into this book very excited having meant to read link for years on the recommendation of many people i know who love her but unfortunately i hated it! the prose was so clunky i could not get into the vibe at all. i almost don't want to say other things i didn't like because i disliked the prose so much that other things could have been good and i probably still wouldn't have been into it... but either way i didn't like other things either! it was like all the dumb bullshit of bad genre fiction combined with the emotionally withholding distance passing for sophistication of bad literary fiction (written with the banality of bad commercial fiction). the book felt very dark and unpleasant and cynical but not in a way that lent itself to like insight about or reflection of the way the real world merits this kind of description... just sort of off-putting for the sake of it. "edgy" one might say. not an actual character or believable relationship at ny point to be found. i did not at any point care about anything that was happening, even to be like "oh that's cool" or "oh that's fucked up." the hype around her is really rooted in her amazing imagination but her imagination is like quite literally not that amazing... i feel like multiple reviews or profiles of her i've read have alluded to the story in this volume where a teenage girl goes to a hotel that is harboring a dentist convention and also a superhero convention like WOW ISN'T SHE WACKY? but like none of the stuff about superheroes (in that or in the other EVEN MORE BORING superhero story) is nearly as weird as the shit that goes on in actual superhero comics... which btw also have absolutely engaged with the question "what if superheroes but also the normal world." like i don't even read superhero comics and i know this. anyway. the stories i disliked the least were probably the one about the demon lover, which was like a francesca lia block rip-off but more self-consciously jaded, and the one about the rich kids and the pyramids, which actually almost managed to be an interesting story about how growing up rich ruins your brain, but unfortunately was still badly written and also had this super fucked up chronology for as far as i could tell no reason at all and also did this dumb little typographical thing where names were always circled, which felt very cutesy. the best thing i can say about this book is really that usually when i find a book this boring it is very slow going for me (hello current book club book i have been reading for more than a month) but this one went down pretty easily.
isaac butler & dan kois, the world only spins forward: the ascent of angels in america - butler & kois expand their oral history, initially written for slate, to more than 400 pages, and i would have happily read 400 more. obviously on some level i just love this play and love to read people talking about it, so i am not impartial here, but for what it's worth i did think this book was very well done in terms of how it organized a mammoth amount of information and in terms of how it edited & arranged its quotes to highlight recurring themes and interesting frissons. the oral history format is well suited to the historical elements of this particular play (the sections that most directly touch on the outbreak of AIDS are devastating to read even if you're familiar with the history) and is also well suited a work of theatrical history, given that a play is a living thing and each production is its own work of art (more true of angels than of most plays, given kushner's famous eternal dissatisfaction with perestroika; i learned from this volume that the most recent major revival DID have an updated script published, meaning at some point i will have to buy a third copy of a play i already own two editions of). it's clearly a work of deep love for the play that also gives space to critical voices (including, at times, kushner's - i was struck by his comment that after reading an essay by toni morrison on a related topic, he reflected that he would have thought differently about making belize a nurse), and, like the play that it's about, explores big ideas while being unafraid to be an extremely fun ride.
listened
kacey musgraves, deeper well - i feel like this album, which drops a saturn return mention in its title track, will be incredibly annoying to people who are allergic to the phrase "self-care" or anything that smacks of woo, but i found it really lovely and perfect for being in your thirties and in some ways so content with life that you're overwhelmed with tiny everyday beauties you can't believe you're lucky enough to have and also you are thinking about death and god, like, constantly. like this one really met me where i was at. i think i'm still not convinced she's ever written a better song than merry-go-round but after giving up on musgraves halfway through golden hour, which everyone loved and i found unlistenably boring, i was totally won back over by the sheer humble prettiness of her melody & her sparse accompaniments here. also writing a love song called "anime eyes"... real people's princess shit i have to say.
rosie tucker, utopia now - this album rules! you should listen to it! clever and weird and inventive and funny, not lacking in anger or even in bitterness but rooted in a sincerity that keeps it from being a downer or feeling cynical. some of the most interesting lyrics i have heard all year by a long shot. my favorite track is probably "gil scott albatross," which spends its first half touring breezily through contemporary gloom (the dark side of moon colonization, landfills filled with consumer waste) before announcing "i wanna turn the argument around" and declaring, in my favorite line of the year, "if you're holding for hope, then it's time for you to learn that where there's pain it means you still got nerve" - all before landing on a surprisingly sentimental tribute to the centrality of personal connection: "cuz i love you now and i always will." in less than three minutes! really cool stuff happening here.
beyonce, rennaissance - ok listen so i didn't have HBO Max when lemonade came out and i didn't want to listen without watching because i didn't want to do it Wrong and then i just kept never getting around to it and then i felt like i couldn't listen to any of her other new stuff and also i heard break my soul and it didn't grab me... anyway this album is awesome and i was wrong about break my soul
beyonce, cowboy carter - this album is also good and taking a friday long walk to give it a devoted first listen was a great time but i think for the most part i sort of admire its ambition more than i enjoy it
#media 2k24#isabel 2k24#i keep feeling like i don't have time for these and today being like#still too sick to Do Stuff but less Must Sleep All Day than yesterday... felt like a good excuse
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Maybe I should've seen it coming with the weight placed on the concept of "desire" but i really wasn't expecting dungeon meshi to turn into a full on buddhist lecture
#s#dungeon meshi#not that I'm complaining! I'm into it#but yeah the lion's explanation of how desires only lead to momentary and unsustainable happiness..#marcille being tormented by her desires...#and the way senshi's early 'it's better to do it yourself' attitude is now echoed in how instantaneous fulfilment of marcilles desires#brings her no joy#senshi being the most zen of all the characters#dunmeshi really said 'the well of your desire is literally infinite and by trying to fill it up you condemn yourself to endless torment'#and i clapped#dungeon meshi spoilers#i guess#ah!!! and the lion's eyes are a symbol of infinity.... infinite desire...#i thought it was a keyhole at first haha#hmm now that i think abt it more. part of the fundamental lore of dunmeshi is 'things that are consumed cease to exist'#with eating monsters and with eating desires. so a boundary is being drawn between temporarily fulfilling a desire (the desire comes back#and the cycle continues) and consuming a desire (the desire is gone). the former is more positive#and plays into the circle of life/finding nirvana in repeatedly fulfilling your desires thing that senshi esp has going on#the latter is portrayed negatively as it seeks to 'once and for all' fulfill something that is by its nature infinite#true fulfillment lies in accepting the neverending struggle of temporarily satisfying one's desires... one must imagine sisyphus happy.....#im literally extrapolating multiple philosophy lectures from this manga i love it#in that way you could see the lion's struggle (to satisfy an infinite desire (for others' desires)) as worthwhile!#coming back AGAIN after like ten more pages of the lion's backstory#all the trouble he caused stemmed in some way from his attempts - actually from his ABILITY - to fulfill every desire presented to him#the story seems to imply it would've been better if ppl had been allowed to struggle to fulfil their desires instead of having them granted
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
my disappointment is immeasureable
#this is about h*llena taylor#THIS WOMAN... the audacity she has is fucking incredible#the way she lied so shamelessly knowing damn well nothing she was saying was true#and encouraged the fans who have been waiting for YEARS to boycott the game#because PG couldn't pay her the ridiculous amount of money the greedy bitch wanted#PEOPLE CANCELLED THEIR PREORDERS OVER THIS#because she played the victim so well and tried to guilt trip ppl by saying you aren't true Bayonetta fans if u don't support ME#who the fuck does she think she is holy shit#i hate that i tried to defend her all this time#i wasn't about to cancel my preorder just cause she said so but i did try to take her side#and even after being publicly exposed as the fucking liar she is SHE STILL WANTS US TO BOYCOTT THE GAME#GIRL FUCK YOU like full offense you are a terrible person the Bayonetta franchise gave you everything?????#it's quite literally her only role and she was so ready to throw the games under the bus out of spite#she's so childish and immature i'm genuinely still so shocked#i mean how were we supposed to know she was lying she broke her contract ALL to make the game flop#imagine going to such lengths. you literally ruined your career for such petty thing#i hate her so much rn. the last thing this franchise needed is another fucking controversy#all my support to jennifer hale who had to even deal with h*llena talking shit about her bc she took 'her' role#i mean bitch what did you expect!! PG tried to keep you in the role all they could but nope. you had to ask for more#A LOT MORE#ugh. anyway glad the truth is out#i did think the timing was too perfect and the way she spoke about jennifer was despicable but man......... she really lied about everything#what a snob#delete later
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Halo show has neglected to adapt the Straw in Spartan helmets that allows them to drink their recycled piss and sweat
#Halo#they are cowards#It doesn’t jack him off but it does do whatever the fuck i just said i dunno#thank you Halo Oblivion for gifting me this knowledge#I could just lie about Halo lore#nobody checks#Kelly-087 is implied to have Irish Ancestry and fantasizes about desertion but stays due to the spartan program#Due to a lack of social skills and the other spartans being the only family she knows#That is true but I said I lied so you have no way of being sure
1 note
·
View note
Note
Hi! I just saw that requests are open, yeah!! I'd like to request an Alastor x fem!Reader where Vox has a crush on her so he sends her a set of different tea flavor as a gift. The problem is that these contain a drug that inhibits the person (thanks, Valentino). Basically, his plan was to wait for her to drink the tea and then show up at the hotel and seduce her so he could have her for himself (my boy thinks she loves him, lol). The problem is that she had graciously offered the tea to Alastor, who drinks it. Vox asks her if she enjoyed the tea she lies saying it was delicious so he immediately shows up at the hotel but ends up finding Alastor who is being super affectionate with her, revealing his true feelings for her. Eventually Alastor attacks Vox as soon as he sees him forcing the other to flee. Fluff and comedy, basically. xD
Alastor x Fem! Reader x Vox | Tea Time Troubles
Warnings ⚠️: Cussing, drugs, controlling and manipulative Vox, out of character Alastor.
"I dunno 'bout this Voxxy" Valentino said, handing him a baggie of the drug, a weak aphrodisiac lining the walls of the bag.
"Don't worry about me Valentino, I'll be fine" Vox reassured him, holding the bag up to his screened face. He smirked deviously as he put his hands behind his back.
"But you tell me all the time 'bout 'public image' and all that shit." Valentino retorted, crossing his lower arms against his stomach.
"Don't you worry your pretty little face about it Honey" Vox sneered, rubbing his cheek in a falsely affectionate way. "Vox is a big boy and can handle himself. I just gotta put this into some tea bags. (Y/n) WILL be MINE."
"Ugh" The moth groaned, taking a puff of his cigar,"She's not even worth it. She hangs out with radio, fossil trash. If she was good shed know who to choose. Besides, I'm better than she is, right?"
"You're wrong." Vox said, his left eye radiating hypnotizing waves out of anger,"(Y/n) is perfect. She's everything, and she will be mine."
Vox's demonic laughter could be heard across the building, sending chills down anyone who heard it's spine.
--------
"Honey!!" (Y/n) exclaimed, holding up the box of tea that arrived at their house,"Your tea shipment came!"
Alastor, who was reading the paper at the kitchen table, looked over to see his dear (Y/n) carrying two large cardboard boxes.
He teleported over, making his shadows place them atop of the counter. His keen eyes narrowed at the second box, seemingly almost identical to the first one.
"How peculiar!" Alastor said, tapping his cane on the second box, almost poking it as if it was a foreign object.
"What's peculiar about it?" The fellow deer demon asked, peering over at the box her partner was so intrigued by.
"I did not order two shipments of tea from the catalogue this month!" He replied, his smile tightening in irritation. Could someone be trying to plant something in this hotel? Trying to hurt any of his friends, his beloved, or him?
"Maybe it's a promo box?" (Y/n) suggested,"I mean, you are a loyal customer of theirs. Maybe they want you to try a new product, I hear that's the new rage."
"Ah" Alastor replied, walking closer to the counter to rip open the second box to be met with a letter and a large box of tea.
"Thank you for your loyalty Mr. Alastor. We're reaching out to our most loyal customers to give this Promo box to! We're asking that you try our newest flavor, a (your favorite flavor) but with a twist! Despite the erratic sounds at night in Hell, this tea should help you fall right asleep! If you enjoy it, please promote so on your beloved Radio Show!"
"I was right!" The doe said, looking up at her partner,"They must've given it to you because they know you're famous and can promote their tea! Very smart people, I wanna try one tomorrow!"
"Tomorrow? Why not today my doe?" Alastor said, looking down at his partner.
"My stomach isn't feeling the best. Charlie's cake wasn't fully cooked through, but I didn't want to be rude and not eat it. Especially because no one else was!"
Alastor chuckled, petting her sensitive ears. "Now now (Y/n), you should've listened to me! I know all!"
"Al..." She said, batting her eyes up at him,"Do you mind trying it for me? I wanna know if it's good, but I don't want to throw up in my sleep!"
"Why should I?" He inquired, smirking down at (Y/n). "It seems like this predicament could've been easily avoided my little doe! Hahaha!"
"Please" She softly asked, smiling at him back.
"I suppose I can try one cup of it." He said, sitting down at the table, fully expecting (Y/n) to make him the cup as he finished reading his paper.
She giggled at him and began to start the kettle. Moments like these can't be replaced, a docile and homey moment between the two of them. (Y/n) loved seeing this side of him. The Alastor side of him, not the Radio Demon.
(Y/n) opened the smaller box that was enclosed in the large one, picking out the first tea bag. She smelled the bag, the fumes of blended herbs wafting in her nostrils. It smelled lovely, she would've to drink one alongside Alastor.
But she held back on picking up another bag, knowing its sleeping effects. (Y/n) really didn't want to throw up while in her sleep, and potentially on Alastor, who would be as knocked out as her.
Sighing, she finished preparing the tea, pouring it in Alastor's favorite teacups, the one (Y/n) gifted him on their second anniversary many years ago.
She walked back over to him, placing the teacup on his saucer, putting the sugar cube in as well.
"Thank you dearest" Alastor said, his eyes skimming over the newspaper,"I shall be in our room in a moment, why don't you go ahead and get in your nightwear?"
"Alrighty" (Y/n) replied, patting the back of Alastor's chair. That was something the two of them did, (Y/n) knew when to touch Alastor and when to not. Still wanting to show him affection, she'll pat an object close to him.
Alastor gave her a soft smile before returning his focus to the newspaper.
The doe walked up the stairs in the hotel to their shared room. She got in her fluffy pajamas, completed each and every step to her skincare routine, and crawled into bed with a book.
The silence was only broken by the occasional turn of a page, this was (Y/n)‘s daily quiet time, as Alastor liked to read the paper before turning in for the night.
This normally is for about an hour, but tonight it was a mere 30 minutes as the door busted open.
The doe yelped, her skittish nature causing her to flinch at the sudden jolt of noise. Her partner flittered into the room before crawling on top of her, his eyes droopy from the affect.
“Hi sugar” He said, burying his face in the crook of her neck. His ears were pressed against his head as he affectionately nuzzled (Y/n). Alastor grabbed her waist and flipped her on top of him, allowing him to bring her closer to his body, her chest atop of his.
“Al-Alastor?!” (Y/n) exclaimed, tensing up. What has gotten into him!? He’s not one to ever make such…bold advances.
“Oh my love” He said, a dreamy lilt in his voice,”you’re just perfection incarnate. Such a lovely little fawn you are.”
Blushing heavily, she let him rest himself on her, snuggling contently. It was rather peaceful, she did not know where this sudden chance of behavior came from, but it certainly wasn’t the worst by far.
(Y/n)’s ears perked up hearing a notification sound ding from her phone. She slowly grabbed it to check what it was.
Alastor was not very keen on allowing this sort of technology in the house, especially knowing Vox is over all of it. So they made a compromise, he’d take out the camera and microphone and she could have the phone.
Seeing it was a message from Vox, she opened it.
Vox: “Hey sweetheart, I pulled a few strings and got a shipment of some new tea of (your favorite flavor) that was being tested. How did you like it baby?”
(Y/n): Oh, it was good, thanks!
Vox: Just good? You sure sweet stuff? Wasn’t it so good you could just kiss the lips off of the person who got it for you?
(Y/n) sighed, shutting her phone off and curling up with her lover.
“I think that’s a yes!” Vox said, throwing his hands in the air ceremoniously. He quickly put on his best bow tie, in hopes it would get taken off by fingers other than his, and made his way towards the Hazbin Hotel.
————
Vox searched through each room until he found the one you and Alastor shared.
He scowled at the door, seeing a heart with the initials scribed on it “(Y/i) + A”
Pathetic. He could give you so much more than that. He could give you the most advanced technological sign known to mankind just for some silly initials, not some shitty hard with nearly illegible handwriting.
He opened the door, his signature smirk dropping as he saw Alastor, his arch nemesis (in Vox’s eyes) peppering small little kisses all over (Y/n)‘s face, making her giggle.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Vox yelled, his face was blue-screening.
Alastor took one look at the fellow Overlord and let out a long string of laughter, sitting up as he pulled (Y/n) into his lap.
“Vox?! What are you doing here?!”
“YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE TO DRINK THE TEA!! AND THEN YOU’D BE MINE!!”
Alastor hooked a arm around (Y/n)‘s waist, looking at his opponent across the room.
“This is my doe, my love, and we all know if she would’ve drank the tea, she would’ve always chosen me.”
Lets just say, the power around the Pride Ring went out after that comment.
————
Word Count 1,524
#hazbin hotel#hazbin#hazbin hotel spoilers#hazbin hotel x reader#hotel hazbin#hazbin hotel fandom#hazbin hotel fanfiction#hazbin hôtel#alastor fanfiction#hazbin alastor#alastor hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor x reader#alastor#alastor x doe reader#x reader#fem reader#hazbin vox#vox x reader#the vees#hazbin hotel vees#hazbin hotel vox#the vees x reader#vox#vees#vox hazbin hotel#vivziepop#vivzieverse
7K notes
·
View notes
Text
the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
10K notes
·
View notes
Text
"So it's true! You and her- Guizhong were a thing. Then what the hell does that make me Morax?!" "Can you just drop it of? We're in a hurry." He was tired. And their friend was in danger. "No! Knowing you'll be out there to save your other lover, tell me the truth Morax! Is it true?!" It was the same topic of argument for some time now. He had been denying it over and over again, he just cannot seem to understand why you kept insisting even after hearing him say that was not the case. And he was getting tired of it.
Guizhong was just a friend and that very same friend is now in danger if they do not arrive at rhe right time and here he is getting hold up because of your questions. And knowing you would not let him go even if he were to deny it because that was the truth. Maybe he should give in for now to avoid further more questioning and leave as fast as he can so he could come back to you in now time, knowing that he could easily resolve the misunderstanding and his lies. "You know what. It's true. Now if you just get out of the way, I need to save her." "Wha-what? Wa-wait! Morax-!"
He did not mean to be harsh than he already is. He was just mad, mad because he saw no reason why you should get jealous of a friend, a common friend of yours. Mad because he was running late and a little more than to it could possibly result the death of a dear friend. At the same time, he was mad at himself for leaving that way. But he knew he could always explain when he came back into you. The two of you could always sort it out after the battle like you two always does.
So why? So why in the world- celestia were everything was on fire. And you were in the middle of it, leaning on your weapon for support, blood running down all the way from your temple into your chin. It was not just that. You are bleeding, bleeding all over. Why. Why why why why why? Just what the hell happened in here?
"Don't come." You utter, despite the fact that you could barely stand, you painfully look forward to your lover... heh, can he still be called a lover when he already admitted that he betrayed you? "Some..." you pant. "Some beings came into the city while you were away... hahh, I manage to defend the city until all the people manage to flee but- cough! Hahh, the god manage to escape."
"No. No no no no no." It was getting hard to breathe, nevertheless you should see Morax from afar, running towards you. "Bastard- I told you not to come he-!" You stagger forward, for a moment losing consciousness, still, you embrace yourself with the thought of you hitting the ground. But you never did.
"Let go." "It was a lie. There was no one else." "Morax- I said-" "I was in a hurry, I did not mean to say those words. Guizhong was only a friend. Believe me. God- Celestia. There is no one else. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me." He was hugging, cradling you in his arms. His tears rolling down his cheeks, into your own but you were feeling quite numb to notice that.
"It's..." You tried to hold up a hand but you could only feel the pain and the more it drains you. In the end you could only hold on into his arm. "It's okay... you don't have to lie to make me... feel better." You tried to smile to make him feel better, so why does it look like he was about to lose his whole world? "No. No please. It's nothing like that. I was a fool, I am a fool. Please believe me there is no one else but you. (First name). Please."
You knew he was talking, you can see him talking despite how things were slowly starting to go blurr, you can hear a few words but cannot seemed to focus on it when there is a high pitched ring that makes you unable to focus on what he was saying. Also, "It's cold." You mumble, fighting everything you can to stay conscious.
"Fuck!" Morax can feel your body slowly but surely cooling down. Suddenly his heart dropped as he panicked, he was getting anxious. He felt fear for the first time in his life. "Hold on, please hold on." He tried, he tried his best to fix you with his powers but it was no avail. You have so many wounds, you have already lost a lot of blood. You were dying all ago. "Fuck." He cursed once again. "Fuck, fuck! I told you to hold on (First name)!" He was getting mad again.
Morax felt like he was going mad, he felt like he was about to get crazy. Specially when he saw you starting to close your eyes. He felt a shiver down his spine. "Don't you dare close your eyes (First name)!" Not like this, not when you seemed to sure that he never loved- love you. "Fuck!" His amber iris were glowing with that presence of a dragon. "Don't you dare fell asleep (First name). I'm begging you please-?" He felt a light squeeze on his arm.
"Its.. okay." Taking your last breath, Morax felt the heavy weight of your now dead body in his arms. Your hand falling to your side as your head rest in his chest. At that very moment a rain drop fell from the sky, Morax arms were trembling yet still manage to pull you closer to him as if trying to find a little warmth. "Hah, hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA."
That day, the dragon lost his mate. His one and only mate as his anguish cries were heard all throughout their land.
[ⓒdark-night-hero] 2024°
: bye, may klase pa ko ng alas quatro sa hapon.
: Also, why is it always zhongli who become the victim of my angst ideas. Tho I might make a same promt with ???
#dark night hero#genshin impact#genshin imagines#genshin#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact angst#genshin impact fanfic#genshin angst#genshin drabbles#genshin zhongli#genshin guizhong#zhongli headcanons#genshin impact zhongli#zhongli x reader#zhongli#zhongli angst#zhongli x you#zhongli x yn#morax x you#morax x y/n#morax x reader#genshin morax#genshin impact morax#morax#genshin x y/n#genshin impact imagines#hatdog
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Shut up
MDNI
Sub!loser!Ellie x Dom!Fem
Warnings: public sex, getting caught, fingering e!receiving, reader is a munch, squirting, Ellie bites readers boobie!, reader sucks some titty, thigh riding, dacryphelia, overstim, y/n ONCE, mama kink goes both ways, fluff.
(I don’t like this🥹)
Ellie stands in front of her mirror looking herself up and down, her glasses covered eyes landing on her worn out converses trailing up her blue jeans and stopping at the hoodie that drowned her slender body “this is so stupid” she whispers to herself, trying to convince herself to not meet up with you, because how could you, a fucking goddess want her.
You both met a few weeks ago, Dina added you to their group chat and Ellie, after her eyes scanned your photo a smile creeping up her face as her eyes landed on the pretty breasts that peeked at the top of your shirt. She paused taking you in, admiring you shamelessly, SHE ALMOST FUCKING DIED, you were in her group chat, you could see all the fucking stupid shit she said daily, all the texts where she joked about shitting herself, you wouldn’t know they were a jokes!
Her heart raced as she went through 3 years of messages trying to delete everything you could possibly read to consider her a fucking loser, there was a lot. DING!
Her eyes dart to the new message at the bottom of the group chat:
Dina: told you
You: damn you’re right, she’s a fucking loser😭😭
Ellie: what the fuck?!!
Ellie: Dinaaa!!
Ellie: I’m not a fucking loser! (She lied)
Ellie: Dina, whyy?😞 (tears well in her eyes)
You giggled to yourself, watching the bubbles appear for the fithed time, but you decide to interrupted her.
You: I like losers
You knew about Ellie for a while now, you were mutual friends, you flirted with her on the low, maybe even kissed her while you were both drunk at a party, only for both of you to pretend you forgot it happened when you sobered up, honestly, you thought she was really cute but you were just too nervous to DM her so you and Dina came up with an idea to get her attention.
Ellie: oh😲
Ellie: ohhh😏
Dina: Y/n wanted to ask did you want to see the new superhero film with her?
Dina: She asked me first but I said no because I’m not a fucking loser, but I knew one
Ellie: is this true?
You: yeah, do you wanna go with me?🥺
Ellie: 😏
You: what does that mean?
Dina: it means yes!
You: woohoo🥳
Ellie: woohoo!!
Dina: woohoo😒
Dina: fucking nerds!
Her head whips around at the sound of her front door being knocking frantically “let me in!” Dina yells from the other side of the door “geez” she mutters under her breath, dragging her feet as she goes to unlock it “hurry upp, I’m gonna miss it!” The door clicks open and Dina runs in, nearly knocking Ellie on her ass “WHAT THE FUCK DINA!?”
Dina is kicking her shoes off and laying herself on the her couch, her hand behind her head as she flicks through the channels, ignoring Ellie “she’s downstairs”
“who”
“You know who” dina smirks, eyeing her.
“Ohmygod. Oh my god” she starts to panick, you were supposed to meet her at the cinema, that’d give Ellie some time to come up with some ‘game’ as she calls it.
“Tell her I’m Ill”
“Fuck off”
“I’m serious” Ellie begs
“Get the fuck out”
“Dinaaa”
“Ellieee” she rolls her eyes
“C’monn” she practically begs.
Dina sigh’s standing up and Ellie instantly regrets her decision, she was intimidated by you, but maybe not enough to stand you up-SLAP!
Dinas palm lands onto Ellie’s cheek, she grips her face with both hands, pulling her closer “she’s hot?”
“Yeah?” Ellie replies, wanting to punch Dina in the throat.
“She asked you out?”
“Yeah”
“So why the fuck are you scared of her?”
“I’m a fucking loser.” She whimpers.
“She likes losers” she leans into Ellie’s ear “she likes to fuck losers.”
Ellie’s clit twitches in her boxers at the thought of you having your way with her.
“you gonna go down there and show her a great time, okay?”
Ellie bites her lip in contemplation “Fuck, fuck okay” she turns to leave, in a hurry.
Dina lands a smack to Ellie’s asscheek “go get em tiger” she laughs to to herself as Ellie slams the door, holding her asscheek.
The icy wind hit your bare legs as you watched Ellie walk towards you, her head low and hands in her pockets, when she finally got close enough to you, you spoke “hey ellie”
She reluctantly lifts her head and can’t help but smile at the sight of you, her pupils growing as they skim your face but avoiding your stare “uh hey, l-lemme get that for you” she walks past you and reaches for the handle of a worn of truck, something you imagined an old southern man would drive “this yours?” You question.
“Uh yeah, Joel gave me it” she waves you in shyly and you sit down, hearing the door creak closed, you look around the vehicle, inhaling the smell of pine from the little tree that hung from her mirror, you lean out the window and look her up and down “cute.”
Ellie never knew if you were talking about the truck or her but she chose to believe it was about herself.
The journey was smooth, you pretended to stare out the window only to catch Ellie’s multiple glimpses at you, you seen it all, the way her eyes scanned your bare thighs, the way they hovered to your cleavage, how her fingers tapped the steering wheel repeatedly, anxiously, the way her eyes almost bolted out her head when you grabbed her wrist to play with the rainbow bracelet that lay there twiddling with it “that’s pretty” you mutter.
She coughs, clearing her throat “Uh..yeah thank you” for the first time tonight her eyes locked onto yours “you’re prettier”
“I know baby, thank you” you smile at her and place her hand onto your thigh, looking out the window again, listening to her trying to steady her breathing as you smile to yourself…
You look at yourself in the bathroom mirror, admiring yourself and touching up your make up, you’ve already chose the seats and sent Ellie to get snacks and wait for you.
After you decide you’re done you give yourself one more glance up and down and spin on your heels to walk out. The door almost knocking you off your feet as it comes towards you at lightning speed “what the fuck!” You scream as a short brunette woman barges past you “I didn’t fucking hear you! Shut the fuck up!” She says as she rolls her eyes at you and attempts to fix her hair in the mirror, completely ignoring you.
You could have a cat fight with her or you could go see the beautiful woman that’s waiting for you, you roll your eyes “bitch” you mutter under your breath as you leave her try to fix the mess atop her head.
Smiling to yourself at the thought of being so close to Ellie for the next few hours, you stroll into the dark screening room, looking up to see the auburn headed girl already downing a comically large bucket of popcorn, smiling contently to herself.
She catches you staring up at her and much to her demise she fucking chokes on the food in her mouth, coughing to clear her throat, you can’t help but laugh to yourself as you walk up the steps towards her.
“hey” you smile at her.
“hey” she whispers back.
“You gonna share?” You nod at the bucket that she’s clutching onto for dear life as you sit down beside her.
“Uh” she laughs “of course” handing you the bucket over, her fingers brushing yours and you almost melt as a shiver runs up her spine “cuteee” you squeal in your head as you get comfortable, putting your elbow on the armrest and placing your cheek in your palm as you watch the smile grow on her face as the theme song begins to play, she is so adorable…
You roll your eyes as you stare at the screen, “this film is fucking shit” you think to yourself, you couldn’t enjoy it, not when your eyes left the screen every five minutes, to watch the pretty girl besides you snore, the bucket of popcorn empty, laying against her chest as her head lay on your shoulder.
You tuck a strand of auburn hair behind her head, she looked so pretty, so so pretty that it make your clit twitch in your panties.
Growing desperate for her far to quickly, you tap her cheek softly and her eyes flutter open, they look so soft as she glances around coming to reality “yeah?”
“Want you to watch it with me, remember?” You whine at her.
“Oh fuck, yeah I’m sorry” she says, tilting her head down in sorrow.
You hook your finger under her chin, lifting her head up and looking into her eyes “hey hey, it’s okay sweetheart” you lean forward and peck her on the cheek gently, pulling your head away and watching her cheeks blush a deep red you place your palm onto the top of her thigh, as she squeezes them together, squirming in her seat. “Fuck it!” You think to yourself.
You trace light circles onto her leg through the denim, her face is roasting by now as she watches the screen in front of her, pretending she can’t see your soft gaze on her face shamelessly “Ellie” you whisper
“Yeah?” She whispers, eyes still on the screen, so scared to meet yours, scared she might cum just from your teasing and pretty eyes.
“Ellieee” you say impatiently and her eyes finally land on you, you look around the room, noticing the only other people there, a couple, a good distance away from you both.
You tilt your head as a way of saying “come here” with a teasing smirk.
She looks at you so stupidly, mouth agape, in genuine shock you, you laugh before shrugging your shoulders at her and raising an eyebrow, she huffs out a nervous laugh “okay” she says so gently before she clumsily crawls onto your lap, face-to-face with you.
Her quick breaths hit your face as you lean in admiring her in the low lighting, her eyes still so bright, you brush your fingertips along the denim that covered her thighs in an attempt to calm her.
You’re almost nose-to-nose with her as you whisper “hey” sheepishly.
She smiles so hard that the corners of her eyes crinkle “hey” she replies, staring into your eyes, you both just sit like that for a moment, admiring each other, until she breaks the silence with a tremble of fear in her throat “c-can I kiss you?” she almost begs.
You just nod lightly and she instantly, cautiously hooks both her arms around your neck and leans forward, closing her eyes as her lips press to yours sweetly, her chest heaving from the light touch, a little smacking sound happening as she pulls her pout from yours as you open your eyes just in time to see hers flutter open so softly.
You mimick her stutter from earlier as you repeat her question back to her “c-can I kiss you?” She only smiles as her palms land on the back of your head, pushing your face gently towards hers “please”.
And just like that your lips are on hers again but this time you take lead over the sweet girl perched on top of your lap, rolling your tongue across her bottom lip, causing her mouth to drop open and a little whine to leave her as you slide your tongue across hers, tasting her, she tastes so sweet as she huffs into your mouth lightly, her fingers skimming your waist beneath your top, causing goosebumps to erupt on your skin.
“elliee” you whine quietly against her mouth, she pushes your shoulders back, disconnecting you both as her green orbs looks into yours so desperately.
She looks over each of her shoulders, making sure both of you haven’t caught anyone’s attention yet before her head dips, watching her movements, she can’t believe what she’s doing as she slowly grinds onto your thigh, her eye’s land on yours, begging you for approval.
Your teeth lands into your bottom lip as you take in the sight of the literal goddess in front of you, your hands trailing up to her hips as you guide her.
You leanforward, keeping an eye on the couple in front of you as you trail kisses up her neck, hearing her whisper your name in praise.
“It’s okay baby, I got you” you say as you start to move your thigh with her grinding, “mhmm” she whines in your ear littering the side of your face with kisses, you feel her breathing down your skin, causing goosebumps as both of you work to make her feel so good.
She’s grinding onto you so desperately as her arms around your neck pull you closer, her whimpers and slight squelching sounds fill your ears, you’re lost in thought as you feel the weight of her on your lap, the movements of her on your leg, it felt so right, almost like she belonged on you.
“fingers” she begs quietly, interrupting your thoughts.
“You sure baby?, you can barely handle what I’m giving you right now” you tease, licking up the side of her throat.
Her grinding gets more frantic as she stutters, already out of breath “p-please, I can h-handle I-ugh”.
“Yeah?”
She nods into your skin.
You continue to tease her, reaching under her hoodie and tracing your fingers along her waist band as your other hand reaches up and tweaks at her soft nipple, causing a moan to fall from her lips “shh-sh-sh-sh, gotta be quiet mama” you remind her as you fumble with the button on her jeans and cup her wet pussy over her boxers, feeling her literally leak through them, her warm slick coating your fingertips as you circle her clit with two fingers, causing her to mewl.
Your hand comes up to cover her mouth as you look at her with fake annoyance and you hear her mumble a faint “sorry” under your palm as she grinds into your fingertips.
You lean forward, your lips brushing her ear “good girl” you praise her and her hips jerk forwards. Kissing her breasts through her hoodie as you slip your fingers into her boxers and listen to her gasps at the contact of you on her clit, you look up, your eyes on hers as you leave a slobbery mess of saliva on her hoodie.
Your digits are drenched as you kiss her to cut off her sounds while you slide a finger inside her, feeling her clench on you “ffuck, so t-tight” you moan about out as you pump in and out of the auburn haired girl.
You can’t help it, you slide a second finger inside her, struggling to enter her, you worry you’re hurting her but the look on her face tells you “don’t stop” as you start massaging that spongy spot inside her a pornographic moan leaving her as you press onto the back of her head, pushing her face into your cleavage “shut the fuck up Ellie” you thrust angrily into her, hearing how soaked she is, whimpers leaving her mouth as she fucks your fingers back, riding them softly.
As much as you love this, she got to shut up or you’re gonna have to stop, between the sounds leaving her cunt and her mouth, your little corner in the cinema was gonna get invaded by unwanted eyes.
“Suck” you tell her as you push her face deeper into your cleavage and she starts to suckle on the skin softly, soothing and silencing herself as your other hand comes down and cups her ass, guiding her, your thumb rubs little circles into her clit, you feel her wet warm walls pulse around you as her drool leaks between your breasts “d-don’t s-stop, ohh” she pleads as her legs start to twitch and tears prick her eyes.
“C’mon baby, give it to me”
Her teeth sink into the fat of your breasts to shut herself up, almost drawing blood. She’s so fucking messy, her slick dripping into your palm “give it to mama, fuck please” you say so desperately as she squeals into your chest, you feel the vibrations of her voice against your heart, her cum drenching your fingertips, you slowly continue to pump inside her, feeling her pulse onto your digits and her thighs shake in overstimulation.
“T-to m-uhh” she mumbles.
“Gimme one more mama” you curl your fingers, hitting her sweet spot “just one more baby” you’re hitting that spongy spot inside her so right “can you do that for me?”.
Her gaze meets yours, teary, weak and desperate for you “mhmm mama, oh-only for you” the people in front of you are subtly glancing behind them, giving you both dirty looks, anger builds in your chest, it’s that fucking bitch from the bathroom “shut the fuck up” her words ring in your head.
You pull out and rub her bundle of nerves quickly, harshly and causing tears to fall from her eyes as both her palms cover her mouth but your other hand pulls them away from her face, her eyes pop out her head as you nod at her reassuringly “be as loud as you wan-“ you’re stopped as her head turned to them, you smack her clit, causing her to squeal and direct her attention back to you.
“You’ve earned it” you shove two fingers back inside her, making her scream so loud in pleasure, the brunette’s head whips to your face, her eyes bolting out her head when she notices you, you just roll your eyes at her presence and suck on Ellie’s jawline as you wink at her.
She grabs her bag and drags her boyfriend out the room as you slap Ellie’s clit harshly making her squeal so loud as the brunette slams the door after giving you one last dirty look.
“Thank god!” You think to yourself before picking Ellie up off of you and putting her down besides you, her eyes darting around in confusion “d-did i do something wrong?” She almost sobs out.
“No, no baby” you stand in front of her and place your palm on her cheek “no babyy” you coo with soft eyes, her gaze softens with yours and her breathing calms down.
“I just wanna taste my pretty girl” you say, getting on your knees in front of her, your fingers hook into her waistband “can I do that mama?”
She bucks her hips at your words “yes” she breathes her out and you pull the denim and her underwear to her knees and shimmy yourself up between her legs, the plush of her thighs against your face as you suck on the skin there, looking into her watery green eyes, only looking away to admire the tears rolling down her blushed cheeks.
Ellie yelps in surprise as you palm both her asscheeks, dragging her to the edge of seat and lick a stripe up her pussy, literally salivating at the taste, you swipe your tongue over her clit and her fingers dig into your hair and pull, a gasp leaving her mouth, you look up to see her hand on her chest as it raises and falls dramatically, her eyes piercing yours, in shock at how good she feels as you glide up and down her clit “oh g-od” her hips buck into your face.
You only shove your face deeper into the trembling girl, sucking and flicking at her already so sensitive pearl “pleasee” tears fall from her eyes as she pants through chapped lips “ride it” you instruct as you flatten your tongue, her feet is on the back of the chair behind you as she uses your mouth, her warm slick coating your nose down, dripping down your chin as one of your hands tweaks her nipple while you slide your finger inside her, feeling her walls crush you “fffuck!” She squeals, her pelvis leaving the chair as a steady stream of liquid leaves her, her nails digging into the armrests and her body trembling.
You continue thrusting into her softly as you lick all over her folds, cleaning her up as she comes down from her high, you lean up, her knees that are still on your shoulders are touching her chest as you press your lips to hers while you softly pull out of her “you did so good for me Ellie” you praise her as she pulls you in for another kiss “th-thank you” she breathes. You kiss her on the forehead “you deserve it” you brush her sensitive clit with your fingertip just to hear one more moan from her, giggling to yourself while you tell her “let’s get you tidied up angel” a weak “mhm” is all she can manage as you pull her trousers back up and pat her messy hair down “so pretty” you say and she can’t help but blush more at your words.
You grab her hand helping her weak legs lead to the bathroom as you sit her on the edge of the sink, kissing her face, cleaning her tear stained glasses and retying her hair, she almost looks like she didn’t get railed by you ten minutes prior, almost, but the look in her eye as she watched you reapply your lipgloss told a completely different story “wanna try?” You offer and she nods her head a sleepy smile on her lips as the wand traces her mouth “perfect” you say, gripping her chin and facing her to the mirror.
Your eyes meet hers in the reflection “so, so perfect” you promise as she smiles at your words, she leans closer and steers you towards her, sheepishly placing another peck to your lips, her fingers interlacing with yours as she grips your waist with the other hand, your hand on her shoulder, she whispers “you’re so perfect” with a twinkle in her eye, placing a wet peck to your forehead and squeezing your hand “so, so perfect” she smiles…
@williamellieslilho @yourelliewillms @bready101 @moonalumi @heygrimace @elliesmama @redwlf843 @pascals-doll @elliemontana
#ellie williams#ellie x fem reader#abby anderson#ellie x reader#ellie williams x reader#ellie x y/n#ellie williams x female reader#ellie williams x you#ellie williams headcanons#ellie williams smut#ellie smut#ellie the last of us#ellie x black!reader#ellie tlou#ellie x you#ellie x masc reader#ellie x abby#loser!ellie#loser ellie
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
ONE OF YOUR GIRLS.
PAIRING. heeseung x afab!reader
SYNOPSIS. It was difficult to contradict the rumors of you being obsessed with Lee Heeseung. But it was all true that you had a huge crush and a few wild fantasies about him. You were aware of his infamous reputation of how many girls he’s taken to his bed, yet you still wanted to be one of his.
WARNINGS. angst, fluff, contains smut! MINORS DNI. first time, fingering, unprotected sex, pull-out method. 7k words.
It started happening a few days ago when you heard the whispers of people making unsettling remarks about you. Apparently, you were obsessed with Lee Heeseung.
But the rumors were not true. You barely acknowledged Lee Heeseung’s existence, you certainly do not have the biggest crush on him, and most definitely didn’t have the fantasy to fuck him. These are wild statements to come out of someone’s mouth, but those were just rumors.
Well, that’s what you wanted people to think. It’s true that you have a crush on Heeseung, a huge one that gives you constant butterflies, in fact. It started off as small feelings in middle school because you just found him cute. Then in high school, you started to gain real feelings, an admiration for him. He was the smartest dude in school, the captain of the basketball team, and he was always soft spoken and sweet to anyone he talked to. It was impossible not to fall for him.
With all these years of having these feelings, you barely talked to him, even if being in the same circle of friends. Though, things started to change this school year. The friend group started to hang out often since ways would be parted for college next year. You and Heeseung started talking more and you even got to know each other better, which made you hopeful for something more.
But soon, you were met with bitterness, a feeling close to heartbreak. He started getting distant from everyone — especially from you. You overheard from the chatters around school that Heeseung was a major fuckboy now who slept with the girls at school. You never judged him, despite the aches in your chest that it caused.
The girls who slept with him would brag about how good he was. Heeseung, the sweet guy he is, was the sweetest in bed. And as much as it tarnishes your self worth and disregards the deep feelings you have, you didn’t mind the idea of being his just for one night, let alone a few hours.
You just wanted to be one of his girls.
You slammed your locker closed and was met with Heeseung who had a sly grin on his face.
“So, should I take you to my place tonight? Or do you prefer if I take you on a date first?”
You haven’t talked to him in a week and there was no doubt that he heard about the rumors — the rumors that he had no idea were true.
“What are you talking about?” You said with a hint of defensiveness. You quickly softened your expression to make up for your attitude, you were just tired of everyone talking about you.
“Nothing,” Heeseung shook his head, “I’m just teasing you. I heard what people are saying.”
“None of it is true,” You lied.
He let out a low laugh, which caused your heart to drop in fear. “It wouldn’t be so bad if they were.”
You gently push his shoulder and Heeseung quickly gets rid of the smirk on his face. “Stop joking around, a lot of people are already on my ass about it. And everyone knows you have a different girl in your bed every week, it just makes me seem twice as desperate.” You playfully say, taking the situation less seriously as Heeseung is.
You watched as his gaze fell to the floor. Were you wrong to bring up his reputation?
Heeseung scratched his head before meeting your eyes, “It’s just rumors and they will go away soon,” he spoke matter-of-factly.
“I’ll see you tonight at the bonfire?”
You scoff and shake your head. “I probably won’t go anymore because of what people are saying.”
He notices hurt evident on your face, but he smiles anyway. “If the rumors aren’t true then don’t let it bother you,” he takes a step closer and you start to feel your heart pound. “I’ll try to find out who started it, but I better see you tonight.”
At that he leaves, and there it was, the feeling of butterflies floating around in your stomach. His assurance makes you feel better.
It was impossible to hide how widely you smiled and how heated your cheeks felt. He was just being a kind and caring friend, yet it was impossible not to fall for him.
Bonfires were held by the school to celebrate the wins of the basketball team. You always had a great time hanging out with your friends, meeting new people, and supporting the team. Though, it also wasn’t fun to always watch the team captain stick his tongue down someone’s throat and completely disappearing before the night ended.
You decided to attend the one held tonight, although things would be different. There will be people who are constantly going to talk about you or maybe even say things directly to your face.
On the way to the bonfire, you thought about the last words Heeseung said to you at school before he left your locker. These stupid remarks that people are saying will eventually go away. But you still had no idea who would start these rumors.
You thought that you hid your feelings pretty well by not telling anyone, not even your closest friends. Maybe you were just too obvious.
“What if someone humiliates me tonight?” You walked down the beach with Hana, having a churned feeling in your gut.
“We’re not gonna let that happen,” Hana softly says while wrapping a blanket around you. “The boys will literally kick someone’s ass, you know how protective they are of you.”
You thank Hana for helping you ease up. You let go of your uneasy thoughts, Heeseung is expecting to see you which matters right now.
“You guys made it,” Jake got up from his seat to hug you and Hana. You look around and take in your surroundings. There were more people than you expected. Sunghoon and Jay were sitting down around the campfire along with a few students from school that you recognized.
Noticing that Heeseung wasn’t here, you press your lips in a small frown, already thinking about the worst of where he may be.
“Where’s Heeseung? Did he already leave with someone tonight?” You ask Jake in a playful manner, preparing your disappointment if he already had disappeared with someone else.
“No,” Jake laughed, “The basketball team snuck in booze so he’s helping with that. He’ll be back.”
You nod and try to hide the evident sigh of relief that was let out. “Forget that I asked,” you laughed before going around the campfire to greet Sunghoon and Jay.
“Are you okay?” Jay asked. “I’m fine, I’m just gonna hang for now and probably get a drink later,” you said, taking a seat in an empty space. You recognize the person sitting to the left of you, he was definitely a player of the basketball team.
“Hey, aren’t you suppose to help-“
“Have you fucked the captain yet?”
You heard the boy say as his lips turn into a sneer, and you started to chuckle nervously, the question catching you off-guard but it was expected right? You and your obsession with Heeseung was the talk of the town this week.
“Are you seriously asking me that?” You groaned out. Before the boy could answer, he was lightly smacked in the head. “Hey, leave her alone,” announced a familiar voice from behind you.
It was Heeseung with an agitated look on his face, and you couldn’t help but feel your lips slightly upturn into a grin. You watched as Heeseung took a seat, separating you and his teammate.
The action made your heart warm.
“When did you get here?” The irritated look on his face changed as he smiled fondly.
“I just got here with Hana.”
Heeseung nods before initiating small tension of silence. You notice him carefully bringing his stare to you. It was as if he using his eyes to trace every detail on your face and this freaked you out.
“Is there something on my face?” You questioned anxiously, hoping that you didn’t actually have anything on your face because it would be embarrassing, especially in front of your crush that you’re trying to impress.
Heeseung shook his head and chuckled. “No, I’m just glad you’re here,” he softly said.
A shit eating grin appeared from his response and you were flustered, your face possibly super red.
“Am I missing something?” You giggled, in disbelief of the words coming out of his mouth.
You were happy to know that he’s glad to see you, you actually wanted to scream, but you were also a bit confused on why he suddenly felt this way.
He was a fuckboy and this was probably his way of taking his girls to bed, not that you minded because this is what you want — a chance to be his for one night, but something felt off.
“All of a sudden you’re happy to be around me,” you lightly shrugged while taking a moment to get lost in his wide eyes, “What’s going on?”
His throat bobbled before he forced out a laugh, “Nothing’s going on. I just wanna make sure you’re doing okay after what people are saying.”
You didn’t know why, but you had a hard time believing him. You had a feeling that he wasn’t telling the truth. “Thank you-“
“We’re gonna play truth or drink.”
You drew your attention away from Heeseung when Hana was in front of you.
“I’ll pass,” you tell her.
Hana crosses her arms and pouts, “Just play for one round then you can go back to- whatever,” she turned her gaze to Heeseung who was awfully sitting closer than you remember. Hana notices the close proximity but doesn’t comment on it, instead, she’s waiting for you to answer.
“Why are we playing truth or drink?”
Hana grins, “The boys suggested it because they’re bored and the booze hasn’t kicked in yet.”
“Fine, but just one round,” you warn.
Hana happily takes a seat next to you with Heeseung still on your left. You watch your friends and a few familiar people around the campfire get comfortable before the game starts.
“Heeseung,” Sunghoon managed to get everyone’s attention, “Can I ask you first?”
You turn to face Heeseung who swallowed as he sat up to unintentionally fix his posture. “Sure,” he said without hesitation.
“Alright, let me think,” Sunghoon muttered.
“When was the last time you slept with someone?” There was a hint of tease in his voice.
Heeseung eyes got a bit wider while the question caused the others to ‘ooh’ like children. You, however, felt your stomach twist. You were curious, but also didn’t need a reminder that the guy you have feelings for is sleeping around with most of the girls at school but you.
You feel your brows furrow when Heeseung locked eyes with you for a moment before he finally spoke out his answer. “A month ago.”
You tried to give out a quiet laugh, but Heeseung heard and quizzically tilted his head at your reaction. “You’re lying,” you murmured.
Heeseung peered intently at you, he was taken aback. “It’s the truth,” he cleared his throat.
You almost feel bad, but you skeptically stared at him, “I have a hard time believing that.”
His expression turned into a more serious one, and you suddenly felt a sense of nervousness wash over you. Have you struck a nerve?
“I’m sorry,” you said as he went silent, “It’s just hard to believe that the biggest fuckboy at school would go a month without sex.”
You and the others who heard everything shared a look as Heeseung snickered. You turned to face him and this time he was closer. There was an uncomfortable closeness. He was intimidating, and you felt your breath hitch, regretting the words that came out of your mouth.
“How many times are you gonna mention me being a ‘fuckboy’ and the girls in my bed?” The change of tone in his voice was almost scary.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” You shake your head and try to apologize. You acted out of jealously and bitterness. “Heeseung-“
“I answered. Who’s turn is it?” he interjected while looking around to continue the game. Thankfully, no one made a single comment to what was heard. Jake proceeded with the game by asking the girl next to him a question.
You cursed under your breath knowing that it was wrong to not believe Heeseung’s answer and to bring up his reputation about his sex life. Not wanting things to be weird, you attempt to apologize again but was met with hard silence.
After a moment of listening to your friends play the game that you forgot was occurring, Heeseung finally looks back at you and there was something in his gaze you had never seen.
“Are you jealous because you want to fuck me?” He mutters lowly for only you to hear.
You freeze completely.
The intensity in his stare and the sensual tone in his voice made you feel something that you have never felt before when he spoke to you.
“T-that’s not true,” you stuttered, trying to ignore how hot your ears and cheeks felt.
You felt as if you were caught and the truth of yours was finally going to come out. You weren’t ready to tell Heeseung about your feelings, you weren’t even sure if you’re going to confess.
“I know,” Heeseung softly lets out with a quick change of expression. He grins, noticing your flushed face. “I’m sorry, it was just a joke. I just like seeing you flustered,” he admits.
You playfully push his shoulder just as you did when he was at your locker earlier today. You let out a huge sigh of content that he wasn’t super pissed about the comments you made. But why was he always playing around with you?
“Y/N, your turn.” Someone from your class blurted out which caused your head to shoot up.
“What’s your question?” You uttered.
Your classmate took a pause to think of a suitable question to ask. “Are you currently seeing or dating anyone?” They finally spoke.
“I am not,” you said easily.
“That’s good to know,” a voice said and you swore it came from the left of you, but you weren’t certain. Suddenly, you notice everyone looking at the boy next to Heeseung, the one who spoke to you earlier, with faces of terror.
“What did you say?” You asked the basketball player with a slight anxious tone to your voice.
Along with everyone around the campfire, Heeseung had his eyes glued to his teammate.
“I said that it’s good to know you’re single,” He said with an exasperated voice.
The comment made you feel a bit irked, but your focus was on everyone whispering and some even laughing before they quickly moved on.
“She’s lying,” you heard another sudden voice blurt out. This time, the voice sounded clear and close. “She’s taken by me,” Heeseung declared, not sparing you a glance.
“What?” You exclaimed, feeling your heart beat rapidly to the point that you didn’t notice Hana trying to speak to you. “Heeseung, stop,” you urged, knowing that he was playing around again.
Heeseung ignored you and instead, nodded his head, “We’ve been dating for awhile now.”
“Stop fucking around again, it’s not funny,” You pleaded while grabbing onto his arm to get his attention. He finally met your eye contact but kept going with his act by appearing to be upset.
“Baby, come on.” He whined out, practically begging with his big doe eyes.
You would usually feel the butterflies in your stomach, but this was different. You started to wonder why he treated everything as a joke. And it wasn’t his fault that he wasn’t aware of your feelings, but he was really torturing you.
“Is that why you made up those rumors?”
Heeseung glanced over your head as your eyes widened at the sudden statement. You turned around and surprise crossed Jake’s face.
“You made things up to soft launch your relationship?” Jake continued, directly speaking to Heeseung.
You take a second to process Jake’s words and the look Heeseung gave him. All you can do is inquisitively raise your brow at Heeseung, while trying to get rid of the huge lump in your throat.
“What is he saying?” You softly asked, trying to ignore the heavily feeling in your chest. Heeseung opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it.
“You made up those rumors?” You raised your voice, trying to get an answer out of him, but there was nothing so you get up from your seat and stand before him.
“Do you know how many people at school have humiliated me?” You choked out as the realization hits you. You were betrayed by your own friend who happened to be the one guy that you have intense feelings for. “Why did you do it?”
“Y/N, I’m sorry,” Heeseung stands and attempts to hold your arm but you quickly pull away.
You shook your head fervently, “That’s all you have to say? Why are you doing this to me?”
Lee Heeseung always gave you a sense of what heartbreak felt like. The way most girls had a taste of him and how he betrayed you.
Was it wrong to not believe that he was hurting you? Maybe you were obsessed with him.
“I’ll bring you home,” Hana reaches out for your hand and leads the way to the car, both of you leaving the bonfire after saying quick goodbyes to your confused friends. You felt humiliated enough and just wanted to go home.
You hear Heeseung practically chasing after you, “Wait,” he pleads, voice cracking lowly.
“Why did you do it?” You let out, blinking back incoming tears because you weren’t going to cry.
“You’re always fucking around with me and I didn’t do shit to you,” the pain in your voice was so evident that Heeseung shook his head, an array of emotions flurrying across his face.
“I didn’t mean to humiliate you,” he gently said.
As much as it hurts, you said nothing and got inside the car, leaving Heeseung feeling like complete shit. You repeatedly asked the same question, yet it was always dodged. To you, it wasn’t worth to fight for an answer anymore.
On the way home you confessed to Hana about your crush. She wasn’t all that surprised because yeah, you were just too obvious about it.
Now you were in bed, trying to forget all that is Lee Heeseung, but it was too damn hard. Your stupid crush as you call it, felt more than a simple crush. That invisible pull he had on you was too strong and it seemed impossible to move on.
You wonder if he were ever going to apologize, were you going to forgive him quickly?
The thought of moving on continued until you felt your eyes closed and drifted to sleep. But suddenly, you heard a few taps on the window which caused your eyes to snap open.
Surprised and super tense, you ran to your window and hesitatingly open your blinds to reveal Heeseung standing outside on your balcony. He had that same look on his face when didn’t spare him a chance to speak before getting inside the car. You open your window to let him in, praying that you weren't loud enough to wake your parents up who were asleep down the hall.
“You scared me,” you whispered, watching him enter your room through the window with ease. You quickly cross your arms, feeling a bit exposed in just silk pajama pants and a tank top.
“What are you doing here?” You panic as he scans your room. “My parents are sleeping and-“
“I’m sorry I made up those rumors,” he interrupts, face dropping in hurt as he stands before you. You narrowed your eyes at him, realizing how close he was standing. It was difficult to keep your heart steady, you didn’t even have time to process that Lee Heeseung was in your room.
“Why did you do it?” You ask the same question once more, hoping he answers this time.
“I did it because I wanted your attention,” his throat bobbles. “It’s actually really fucking stupid,” Heeseung sighs hard as you attentively listen, not fully understanding his words.
“I like you a lot and I thought that these rumors would bring us closer together,” he confesses. “It’s so stupid, I don’t know why I thought that.”
Your breath hitches as your arms drop. This new information is hitting you with surprise, causing you to take a tentative step forward, “You like me?” You couldn’t believe him.
Heeseung nods, “I’ve liked you for a while,” he huffs and glances away. “I started sleeping around to distract myself from you, and I tried getting rid of my feelings because I knew you wouldn’t like me back,” a laugh was let out.
Your mouth falls open, but you were speechless. The boy you’re practically in love with is reciprocating his feelings and he left you momentarily stunned as if a sudden jolt of electricity had coursed through your veins.
“Heeseung,” you shake your head, having a difficult time comprehending what you’ve heard.
“Wait,” he brings both hands to each of your bare shoulders. “It’s true that I’ve stopped seeing other girls. Whenever I was with them I couldn’t stop thinking about you,” he pauses and grins for a moment, “So I had to stop.”
“You sound insane right now,” you let out without thought and he sighed with a nod, “And you made me look like a fool and an obsessive freak.”
He nodded again while removing his hands, “I know and I’m really sorry for doing that to you. And I’m sorry for what I pulled at the bonfire, it was wrong to lie like that in front of everyone.”
You crossed your arms, “The rumors you said-“
“What I said about you was fucked up.”
A frown fell upon him as you stare into his eyes. You knew he was genuine with his words — he wouldn’t have snuck into your room and risk getting you both caught if he wasn’t.
You slowly step forward, cupping his face with a hand and taking the chance to finally close the gap between you two, capturing his lips in a kiss. You heard him let out a gasp when he felt your lips on his. Heeseung easily melts into you while returning your kiss, and you can’t help but smile, finally kissing him after wanting him for so long.
You were the first one to pull away when air became necessary, “What you said was all true.”
He furrowed his brows, unable to find words to say anything. The redness of his ears makes you giggle, it was cute to see how shy he was.
“I like you too and I thought about being with you,” you interlock your hand with his, never leaving his gaze. “I thought about it a lot actually,” you remove the hair in your face, “Whenever I heard that you were with someone else.”
Heeseung tried to gather the courage to speak. According to his words, he’d never thought that you would feel the same way. To express what he was feeling inside, he brought his lips to yours for a quick kiss before pulling away.
“What fantasies do you have of me?”
The question causes you to hide your face in embarrassment, but Heeseung quickly removes your hands, regretting his pestering remark.
“I’m truly sorry, I’ll make sure people at school will stop talking about you. I did something very shitty and you don’t deserve it,” he admits.
“I forgive you,” you bury your face in Heeseung’s shoulder, “Only because I’m an obsessed freak.” You joke hastily causing him to chuckle fondly.
After a moment of being in each other’s embrace, you stare into his vulnerable eyes, allowing yourself to act on your feelings. “I want to be yours. I always have,” you beamed.
Heeseung understands quickly, because he also has always wanted to be yours. His eyes fluttered closed as he pressed his lips against yours softly.
He kissed you gently and slow, until he’s suddenly attacking your lips, and you feel both of his large hands cupping your small face. He licks your bottom lip for permission to shove his tongue inside your mouth and you accept, both of you fighting for dominance. It was like a reflex with the way you grabbed onto his hair.
You felt his hand slip under your tank top and he grabs your breast, kneading it gently. A loud exhale leaves your mouth, his touch igniting you.
Heeseung quickly broke away from you and nuzzled your temple before taking a deep breath then sighing, “We don’t have to go all the way.”
“Lee Heeseung turning down sex?” You tease him and he laughs before kissing you once more.
“I didn’t come here expecting something to happen. You’re special to me.”
His declaration makes your hurt flutter and creates an uncomfortable feeling between your legs. “I want you,” you tell him.
Heeseung freezes.
“Have you done it before?” He takes your hand.
You hesitate before shaking your head, “I’ve did other things before, but I’ve never gone all the way with someone.”
Your response makes him pause.
“Then it shouldn’t be with me,” he says before withdrawing his touch and taking a step back.
You grab his arm, refusing him to walk away, “Hey, I want it to be with you. I don’t care about how many other girls you’ve had, that’s not important,” you tell him. “Heeseung, please.”
It felt like a long time waiting for him to say something. Finally, he speaks up, “If we do this then I want you to tell me to stop when you want me to,” his voice is uncharacteristically quiet.
“Okay,” You nod your head accordingly.
“But we can’t be too loud, your parents are down the hall,” he amusingly smiles.
You nod your head one more time as he searches for any last signs of you wanting to back out. His hot breath fanned on your face as you pull him closer by his shirt.
He leans further down to press a trail of kisses against your jaw as you take a deep breath before tugging at the end of his shirt while his hand slides under yours, cupping your breast firmly this time. Heeseung removes his shirt, revealing his exposed chest as you take off yours.
You watch him take a step back to admire you, which leaves your face flushed with heat.
“You’re perfect,” he says, and all you could do is smile because you notice the tent in his pants.
Heeseung wraps his arms around your waist and shoves his tongue back inside your mouth. You rub your thighs together feeling yourself getting soaked, you wanted to feel him already.
When you wrap your arms around his shoulders, you can’t help the way your body reacts to him as you attempt to rub yourself against him.
Heeseung notices this and instead of letting you continue, he slides a hand inside your pants and between your legs to spread your slick while also pressing the heel of his palm on your clit.
“That feels good,” you groan out, still attempting to press against him. When you succeed, a small grunt leaves his lips. “Does it?” He says coyly while curling his long fingers inside you.
You don’t answer him and it’s because he’s hitting your sweet spot, making you unable to speak. He fastens his pace and you feel your orgasm approaching, “H-Heeseung, I’m so close,”
He relentlessly rubs circles around your clit, reveling in the pretty noises coming out of your mouth. You feel your thighs shaking as you continue grinding against him, and it was becoming too much until you let out your release, holding onto his biceps to steady yourself.
After retracting his fingers and wiping them clean on his pants, Heeseung easily picks you up from off the ground and props you on your bed. He grabs the band of your pants to pull them down before quickly slipping off your panties. You impatiently lay there, waiting for him to undress.
He starts to strip off his pants by unbuttoning the buttons, his boxers followed by it. The sight of his cock leaking with precum caused your eyes to widen. He was pretty, prettier from what you’ve seen before, and you can’t help but feel nervous as to how he was going to fit inside you.
But you trust him and give him a nod to continue because you want this so bad. Heeseung started to stroke himself, and with the copious amount of precum, he was able to glide up and down with ease. The view of Lee Heeseung looking gorgeous on your bed while naked leaves you breathless.
“Shit,” he lets out a panic grunt.
You sit up and notice the worried look on his face, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry baby, I-I don’t have a condom,” he mutters, and by the tone in his voice, you could tell that he was freaking out. “I have one in the car, I could run to get it really quick.”
You think about it for a second before shaking your head. Although a condom would be the safest choice, you don’t want him to get dressed just to undress again. Your parents were still in the house, and you were afraid that he’d get caught sneaking back inside.
You also wanted him now, you weren’t sure if you could wait much longer. “You can just pull out,” you suggest and he immediately refuses.
“It’s okay, I trust you.”
“Are you sure? I don’t have a problem getting it.”
You reach for his hand and give it a tight squeeze before nodding, “Yes, I’m sure.”
“Unless you aren’t?” You continue.
Heeseung shakes his head, “No, I’m sure. I want you too, very badly, but I want you to feel safe.”
You lay back down while pulling Heeseung until he’s hovered over you. “I trust you, Hee. It’s fine.”
Heeseung merely tilts his head and lets his smile deepen as he removes the hair in your face to see you clearly. He kisses the side of your mouth then your lips before taking his throbbing length to slowly slide inside you.
With his precum and your dripping core, he is able to slide in easily, but he deliberately takes a slow amount of time, not wanting to hurt you. Your hands desperately grabbed at his bare shoulders, digging your nails in as he slides in deeper. You feel full when he’s only halfway in, and as much as you wanted to him to bottom you out and fuck you relentlessly, it did hurt a bit.
“I’m sorry,” he halts and completely slips out, feeling you slightly shift and noticing the uncomfortable look on your face.
“No,” you grab him by the arm, “Don’t stop.”
Heeseung obliges, lining his cock up with your entrance and gently easing the tip inside. He inched inside deeper and your walls squeezed when inviting him in. Heeseung fully inserted himself into you, causing you to cling onto him and let out a loud whine. He allowed you to adjust as he stretched you out and the feeling felt better than just fingers, you were already addicted.
He grabbed your thighs and grinded himself upwards, placing his dick so deep inside you. Heeseung grit his teeth attempting to hold back his sounds before planting a weak kiss on your lips, never feeling like this with anyone else.
“Does it feel good?” He whimpers, gradually increasing his pace when thrusting inside you.
All he got as a response was moan and he chuckled, finding it cute. You were enthralled, feeling his movements become faster, more ragged and desperate. “It feels- so good.”
Heeseung was watching you with lustful eyes as you took his cock in ecstasy. Your lips met, exchanging warm breaths and loud moans into each other’s mouths as it echoed inside your room. “You feel good, perfectly made for me.”
“I’m glad it’s with you,” You accidentally let out, trying to contain your moan. After hearing your words, he groaned and firmed your hips closer. You feel him increasing his pace, hitting your spot as he slid in and out of you, almost tipping you over the edge. “Heeseung-“ You began.
He lets out a soft grunt before slyly sneaking a hand down to graze your clit. You squeeze your eyes shut and clench hard, his words and warm touch helping you to approach your release.
“Hee, I’m close,” you cry out. He continues thrusting sensually, causing loud sounds to leave both of your mouths at the sensation.
Simultaneously, you both cover each other’s mouths restricting the loud noises so that you wouldn’t wake your parents up. And you release just like that, moaning into Heeseung’s hand.
“Fuck,” he exhaled, “You’re perfect.”
You were dizzy and disoriented, barely making out the words that left his lips as he slows down his rhythm, still fast enough to chase his own release. “I’m gonna cum,” he whined, his fingers gripping your hips almost painfully.
His touch felt amazing and you were vaguely aware of Heeseung pulling out just in time. You groaned, watching as he gasped himself in his fist, pumping himself over your stomach as he painted you with his seed.
His weight gently pushed you flat against the mattress, his puddle of cum sticking on the both of you as you both shook from the intensity of your orgasms. Heeseung pressed small kisses to your shoulders before getting up from your bed and picking up his shirt to clean you.
“Are you okay?” Heeseung asked before rolling to lay next to you. “Does it hurt?”
You shook your head, “It was perfect,” you then plant a small kiss on his lips while removing a piece of his hair that stuck to his forehead.
“You were very sweet with me.”
“I told you that you’re special to me,” he replies, pressing his lips against your forehead.
The corners of your mouth upturned into a huge smile, the butterflies in your stomach were floating around as if they didn’t leave. But in a matter of a quick second, your body language changes into a more stern and stiff manner.
“What’s wrong?” His voice trembled in concern.
A sudden feeling of insecurity hit. Heeseung knew how to make you feel good, it wasn’t like anything you’ve ever felt before and a reason might be because he is experienced, but you wonder if you were able to satisfy him — to make him feel good.
“You were so perfect, I don’t know if you could say the same,” you drop your head in defeat. “I’m sorry if it didn’t feel good to you-“
“Baby, stop talking,” he urges.
“You said that you don’t care about how many girls I’ve been with,” he reiterates. “I don’t care if you’re experienced or not, it was perfect because it was with you. I want to be with you.”
You could feel your voice caught in your throat. The look in his eyes as he declared his words made your heart pound hard in your chest. It feels unreal to finally win over your crush of how many long tumultuous years. After everything, you wonder how lucky you got with him.
And Heeseung was thinking the same thing. He felt lucky to be with you after all of his fuck ups, he was obsessed with you too.
“You’re with me,” you tell him.
“Okay then,” he looks satisfied, “You’re my girl.”
© fairyofhee 2023.
note — thank you for reading! please leave any thoughts or comments, reblogs and feedback is greatly appreciated!
#enhypen fic#enhypen smut#enhypen hard headcanons#enhypen hard hours#enhypen hard thoughts#heeseung hard hours#heeseung smut#heeseung hard thoughts#heeseung angst#kpop smut#kpop fic#heeseung fic
4K notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
unabasheddreamerrebel
Untitled
wwwohsoblessedcom
Untitled
bridoesotherjunk
BriDoesOtherJunk
simmerzinha01-blog
Gaby Simmer
angelicvanga
A Spade's Point Of View