HALLEJUAH!! I REMEMBERED HOW TO ACTUALLY FINISH WRITING SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE!!
Of course, it's not any of the fics I wanted to finish. I went back to what is essentially my bread-and-butter now and wrote a short-ish, random OrangeHook fluff. But considering how much writing's been a struggle as of late, I'm just glad that I successfully finished something. I was back in one of those stretches where I couldn't seem to write much of anything. And this fic isn't about their age difference or Hook being a cuddlebug, so...progress?
Unless I decide I completely hate it (which is always a possibility) expect something to drop on Valentine's Day, tis the season, after all.
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immediately after learning that jiang cheng was assigned karomi i yelled "i just keep winning. i don't stop winning" at my girlfriend and did a little dance.
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was feeling a little bummed out about my workout progress because i got a little caught up in comparing myself to others (the mind killer), but lately ive noticed my sleeves getting caught on my forearms when i roll them up or down like they never have before and that. is so small, but such a huge boost to my motivation because that is something i can feel for myself. and even if i never manage to bulk up or visibly look like a person who works out, i know how far ive come more than anyone else ever will and i can feel proud of that. i can remember that im doing this for my sake alone and feel at peace knowing that thats a worthy effort.
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🌸。*゚+. Me @ me every time I say “small starter call! These will be just a few sentences probably haha”: Why the fuck you lyin’?? Why you fuckin’ lying??? Mmmmm oh my god. Stop. Fuckin’ LYIN’! 🎶
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I don’t know what to say actually, because it’s so boring and in so many ways still the same but I’m alive and I did make a ‘okay edgelord I get it I deserve to die alone and homeless and that’s what will happen because I’m a fuckdoll I still need to order groceries’ joke to myself about my brain. So there’s that. *
Sometimes that’s all I can do, honestly. (Also very deliberately work on not using it to refer to myself. Because Depersonalisation Not Cool Gender/Non Gender/Many Gender Reasons)
*A lot of what I usually do and what works for me personally is making my brain a separate entity that isn’t actually me because like, it’s A Fucking Garbage Fire In There.
Mostly I want to cry a lot and also cling to people but uh, yeah. Turns out May Be Disabled Enough To Not Work Actually.
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Sometimes I think about Olawale Smith, and just-
Imagine for a second that you are eighteen and your parents have died. You have two younger brothers, so you decide to give up your future to ensure they have a good future by taking care of them and taking over your parents' dying business. You do this and one of your younger brothers obtains a scholarship to become a doctor (except fancy because this is also a superhero universe), and he rarely speaks to you unless it is a national holiday. Your youngest brother has decided to trade his life to become a superhero and has obtained a scholarship to the top school in another country. He remains in contact with you, but only through cryptic messages.
At some point, after he has not responded for the longest period, you turn on the television to see him on the news as one of the heroes who participated in a tower raid on one of the most powerful families in the country he has a student visa too. Later, your youngest brother says he is going to visit you for a break and brings home the vigilante who everyone in the universe has followed the trials of extensively and has a confirmed body count of at least two and introduces her as his girlfriend. They have formed a moonlight hero team too which consists of your youngest brother, his girlfriend, his girlfriend's best friend, your youngest brother's childhood best friend, and her pseudo-boyfriend.
During the same visit, you find out your brother is trying to give you all the money he saved from his internships and work studies because he became a hero to ensure you would have a good life and you try to tell him it is not his responsibility but then he tells you it wasn't your responsibility to take care of him (not aware your youngest brothers best friend's pseudo-boyfriend killed his parents and left his siblings behind) so to accept the help. You finally confront the responsibility you saddled yourself with and sell your family's dying business to move to a new country to live your life for the first time.
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i am happy for those of you that enjoyed the episode last night i guess like yes girl find joy where you can but for me it did have the same exact problems that this whole season has had so far which is that it was boring and none of the characters felt anything like the characters i’ve grown to care about
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