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justyoursicanon · 1 year

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And here I thought we were different (Only to find out I was wrong)

Summary: A list of times where Spy caught a few details about Scout that makes him realize that maybe he and Scout aren't so different after all.

(A/N: Hi yea so this is based off this headcanon list by @spaghettifromthevoid and hey I thought why not make a oneshot..A very, very long one..) (And @that1randomnamename also wanted to be tagged in this too :])

Translations (Using google translate): cher ingénieur - dear engineer mon lapin - my rabbit

If Spy were to tell the truth for once, it would most likely be about the times he was genuinely shocked by Scout.

There was never a time that Spy would ever have a different reaction to the Scout, it would always be between anger, disgust, or some other default expression he would show to the runner. But after that one celebration on a Friday evening, Spy unfortunately had to rephrase that.

To start off the time, it was mostly cheerful. The team had taken another victory over the BLUs after a rather difficult battle of capture the flag. In short, the BLUs decided to actually make and use a decent plan for once. But as usual, they failed.

With that victory still fresh after everyone returned to the base, they did the usual and celebrated. Heading into the truck that afternoon and driving to the Tuefort to celebrate at the local bar. Or just the one they haven't gotten kicked out yet.

A few drinks into their stay, some of them got a bit tipsy. Engineer was chuckling from time to time between sips of his 6th beer, Soldier was shouting even louder then usual, leading in for Demo to calm him down a bit since he was used to both his and his own drunken state, and surprisingly, Medic who was also giggling a bit as he drank beside Heavy.

But as for someone like Spy, he only sat in a corner of the bar, watching everything from an unusual spot. Drinking away on his own beverage, the bars most expensive alcohol they had at the time. In Spy's opinion, it was shit.

Then, the night got a bit interesting.

Scout was chatting away with Sniper and Pyro, the arsonist nodding their head from side to side leaving everyone clueless if they were even listening to the Scout. And the Sniper, who had only gotten to his 3rd beer of the night due to taking small sips as he nodded along with whatever Scout was talking about.

Now, at times like these, Spy wouldn't give a single shit about whatever his son was talking about. He always thought the boy's interests were... Uninteresting, useless, annoying. But as he dropped his attention to him for a few minutes, his interest had shifted.

He knew Scout was always one for mocking, for fun and games, to be annoying and get whatever attention he could get from time to time. And he would succeed. He always would, especially with those horrible fake accents and statement of mockery the Scout had thrown onto him on the usual.

But this time, the same mocking mannerism he did was different. And this, was what led Spy to think about his opinions on his son. Just a little.

"Man you don't even freakin' know how annoying it was on that one contract I did with Spy! It was somewhere in uh, think it was New Jersey or somethin' and Spy would not get off my ass when I decided to dress up in some normal clothes for once! Like geez man let me wear my polo after working in a literal desert for 4 years!" He heard the Scout rant, a volume that only pitched up slightly as most of the chaos from the other mercenaries died down.

He saw the Sniper nod along as the runner continued. "My polo wasn't even bad! I mean sure it was blue, but we were in New Jersey for crying out loud! He was the one wearing a freakin' red suit and a dollar store ski mask!"

Spy rolled his eyes as the Sniper chuckled and agreed with the Scout.

Then, the next scene had caught him off guard.

He watched as Scout shifted his position on the stool to sit straighter and crossed his legs, only both his elbows leaning on the top of the long table, and he grabbed the straw that was in his BONK! can, and placed the tip of one of the ends of the straw in his mouth. As if it was a lit cigarette.

And for a slight moment, Scout was in a perfect position that Spy would have definitely been in. And Spy had to take a large sip of his drink to calm himself down.

Oh but it didn't stop there.

"Scout you imbecile, Go change out of that ridiculous outfit! Put your hat back on. At least it's something that wouldn't blow our entire cover." The Scout imitated Spy's accent. It was close in a horrifying way. Well, it wasn't perfect of course, but it was close.

Too close.

But it became closer when he watched as Scout continued his actions as he spoke.

The way Scout leaned back a bit as if he was straightening his back,

the straw moving slightly in his mouth as if he was adjusting the taste of tobacco,

and the way his grip-taped hands and crumpled a bit of his shirt in his hands and tug down a bit like he was adjusting a suit.

It was all something Spy had done. And Scout imitated it perfectly.

His whole body froze, the grip on his almost finished glass tightening ever so slightly. He didn't even acknowledge Scout dropping the act to laugh, even with Sniper laughing along with him rather loudly.

But, as soon as they got back to base. He pushed it aside.

It was just a coincidence.

They've stayed together longer in contracts and battles then usual.

But it didn't mean anything, it wasn't a big deal.

Scout is Scout, not the small Jeremy he had in his arms when he was wrapped in a cloth.

Not the Jeremy that wrapped his tiny fingers on Spy's gloved finger.

Jeremy is his son. Scout isn't.

But of course, something decided to prove him wrong.

Spy sighed again as he threw another worn out cigarette in his filled tray. One hand taking out his small kit from his suit, while the other continued to hold his small deck of cards.

Skillful fingers casually open the kit in one hand and he plucked out another cigarette, his index and middle finger holding the cigarette while the rest of his fingers put his kit back in his suit.

He inches the tip of the cig towards Sniper, who was observing his own deck carefully.

"Light," He asks, and Sniper grabs the lighter beside the other deck of cards on a spot on the table and quickly lights his cigarette. Spy nodding a thanks.

Both men were intensely focused on their game, Spy could obviously feel those short glares that the marksman would shoot him with. Even though Spy's eyes were glued onto his own deck.

As Spy thought, mentally picking and thinking what his next move is, he could hear every sound around them.

He could hear the tv in the other room playing, the sound of Soldier and Demo's distant laughter coming along. The sound of machinery and sparks flying in another room towards Engineer's workshop. And even the hysterical faint laughter of the Medic in his infirmary.

He moves the cigarette in his mouth, and adjusts the placement of cards in his hands-

"Hey guys have you seen Pyro?-"

"Bloody hell!"

All 3 of them suddenly jump from the sudden noises. Sniper letting out a shout as he backed up in his chair slightly with a loud screech of the chair leg scratching harshly on the floor.

Spy standing up in a flash with his cards falling on the table and his butterfly knife open and faced at the other voice.

And Scout jumping back with a yelp as he takes a few steps back. "Geez man put the knife down! Didn't mean to scare you guys this time, I swear!" Scout defended, his hands still up in the air as he turns his face away from the blade.

Spy lets out a few heavy breaths, while Sniper slightly chuckles.

"Christ, sorry mate. Didn't hear ya one bit, ya sure ya didn't sneak up on us?" "Uh no? I was just walking up to ya as always. Kinda thought you saw me walking up behind Spy."

Sniper bumped his hat a bit to brush his hair back as he let out another raspy laugh.

"Didn't see or hear ya at all Roo. Thought you would have been using your mouth right before sneaking up on us." "I wasn't sneaking up on any of ya this time. Promise."

Spy glared at Scout for another moment, before pocketing his knife and dragging his chair back to sit on it. Retrieving his cards again.

"Pyro is in the workshop with the Engineer." He says as he rearranges his cards, and leans into his chair again.

All 3 of them stay silent for a moment, before Scout lets out a small laugh.

"Alright, thanks!" He says while waving at both of them, and turns to run to the workshop.

Sniper smiles slightly and waves back, before going back to his cards.

"Shuffle again, I saw your whole deck."

"Bugger."

"Evenin' Spy, mind doin' a favor for me?" Favors were normal for Spy, whether it be both for business or personal reasons. Most favors he had, and accepted, were always for business.

But this particular favor from the Engineer was... Odd..

"Depends on the favor, cher ingénieur." Spy replied, letting out a puff of smoke into the night air as the cigarette remained in his two fingers. His body continued to lean on the railings of the base porch.

"Well.. Do you mind finding where the kid is? Haven't seen him all day after uh, a bit of a difficult session with Doc."

Spy's body immediately tensed.

He whipped around, the cigarette almost falling, even if it was squeezing in the agent's grip.

"What happened?" He asked, his tone turned firm.

Concerned.

"I don't know the whole story, but what I heard from Medic was that Scout was being a bit hard and harsh on his words when he was explaining some things. Think it was something about his health and how the boy's not going easy on himself recently. But, that's all he's told me after Scout ran out of the infirmary." Spy stared at the Engineer, before sighing. The last of his cigarette's smoke flowing out of his mouth as the sigh continues.

Scout isn't taking care of himself?

"Do you have a clue on where the boy could have gone?" "Can't say I do, nor can the others. None of them have seen the boy all day."

Spy nods. He can feel the cold air of the darkening night slipping through his mask, and flowing through the rest of his garments. If he was alone, he would have shivered slightly.

"I'll look for wherever he could be." He watches as the Engineer lets out a soft sigh and smiles, gently patting the French man's shoulder. "Thanks partner, hope to see you with him once I get dinner done."

Dinner was probably going to be done in an hour and a half, maybe two full hours depending on what Engineer would be cooking, and if Soldier or Pyro end up distracting him in the process.

He'll be able to find Scout in time. How hard could finding the boy be?

It took 2 hours.

2 hours.

It was a miracle that Engineer was only finishing up his cooking, added up with Pyro and Demo fixing the dining table while waiting.

Spy didn't know how, he wanted to know how. But at the same time he couldn't give a single shit because he couldn't find where Scout was.

It was driving him insane.

Insanely worried.

He looked everywhere and anywhere. Every spot he knew Scout would stay both on and off battles, any place Scout would have gone to stay at any time.

But he just couldn't find him.

Spy was on his 10th cigarette as he harshly walked on the dried ground of New Mexico, almost yanking away the cigarette as he puffed out the smoke rather then a soothing sigh.

Where could have Scout gone to?

He was walking up to one of the sheds, a bit of a distance away from the base.

It was old, on the verge of falling to pieces, but Engineer insisted they use the old thing as storage.

He made a face of disgust as he reached the door, inching his gloved hand towards the rusted handle. Before dropping it, and ended up opening the door with a harsh kick.

And once again, with no thought of the possibility, his eyes widened as he found Scout inside.

He was sitting down in the corner of the shed, his legs and knees pressing itself to his chest as he leaned his body to a dusty cloth that was covering what Spy thought was most likely an old sentry.

His baseball cap was messily placed on his head, the front end covering his eyes as a few small strands of his hair puffed out in the back of his head.

He was asleep, Spy figured since Scout would have jumped if someone just suddenly kicked the door open to the point of literally shaking the shed.

He walked over to him, quietly kneeling down to Scout's level, and gently shook his shoulder.

The Scout muttered as he rocked his head to the other side, his hat falling to his side as he let his head hang on his shoulder.

Spy let out a quiet breath.

"Scout. Scout wake up."

Scout muttered again as the words filled the room. His body shifting slightly.

Spy shook his shoulder again, and Scout's eyes started to blink open.

"Wha.. What?-" He asked, letting out a yawn as he scratched his head, his hat falling to the ground in the process.

"We'll be late for dinner, get up. I'll be outside." Spy replied as his gaze softened when he saw him awake. He stood up, dusting off his suit, and walked outside. Standing in the night's air as he waited.

Scout came out shortly after, his dogtags clinking together as he walked past Spy, leaving the French man to roll his eyes and catch up with him on the same pace.

"What happened with the doctor?" He asked. He noticed the way Scout's pace faltered slightly, but didn't stop.

"It ain't any of your business." Scout replied, shoving his loosely taped hands in his pockets as he breathed in the cold air.

Spy opened his mouth again to reply, but then thought about it. Then closes it.

1:05 AM

It wasn't unusual for Spy to stay up at such late hours. He had various of reasons to why he would always find himself sitting in his smoking room, the flames in the fire place long gone hours ago, the lights closed and dim, and the rain continuing to pour outside his very windows.

He would also find himself walking down the halls of the base, and sitting in one of the chairs in the kitchen.

It became a normal habit for the man, and he wasn't the only one.

He knows Medic would often stay up late too, being a busy doctor and experimenting on anything and everything.

As well as the Engineer. Such a hardworking man trying to upgrade his precious sentries.

As his shoes barely made hearable clacks on the wooden floor, watching himself slowly walk to the kitchen like always, he hadn't expect to see anyone else in the kitchen at this late time.

But why did it have to be Scout? Why was the first thing he saw when he stepped out of the hallway and into the kitchen was that plain red shirt with its sleeves ruffled and messily pull down? Why out of all of the people in the base did it have to be Scout? He didn't know either. "Oh, uh hey pal. Can't sleep either?" Scout asked as his head finally looked up from hanging, and staring at the table that he leaned forward on.

Spy immediately noticed those tired, empty blue eyes. Why were they so dull tonight?

Spy didn't reply, only nodding once, and walking past Scout and towards the cabinets where their cups laid in.

As he poured the cold water from the pitcher, he could hear the faint deep breaths of the runner. He finished pouring and places the pitcher back in the fridge, taking the cup and leaning on the sink counter as he sips it.

The two laid in silence.

"Mon lapin, why are you awake?" Spy finally asks. Drinking the last drops of his water, before placing the cup in the sink. Once he turns back to Scout, he shrugs as his posture slouches a bit further. "Earlier in the battle, the BLU Demo was being an asshole and kept bombing the spots I always go to when I'm tryna heal." He pauses, and Spy notices his thumbs trying to fidget with each other, but soon stop. Spy suspected he was trying to fidget with his grip tape. But he wasn't wearing any at the moment.

"Every time I turned a corner to hide, just one freakin' second of standing I could hear ticking. And before I could even look, I get blown up." He finished, he leans back into his chair, head raised up to the ceiling and sighs. Both his hands coming up to rub down his face.

"I keep hearing the damn ticking in my head, it's killing me! I'm so beat down already man.." He muttered, and slouched back onto the table.

Spy hummed as he stared at his son, a few minutes passing by with silence.

Before he let a sigh, and slightly rolled his eyes.

"Follow me." He said, turning and walking down the hall again. His quiet clanks fading as he walks deeper into the hall.

Scout's head jumps immediately, and stumbles out of his seat to follow him, hissing slightly at the slight pain in his body.

Spy could hear those rough and heavy stomps on the wooden planks not too far behind him, he sighs and shakes his head, hoping he wouldn't regret this decision.

He reaches his smoking room and opens the door, leaving a crack open for Scout to follow.

He then continues to remove his suit coat and hangs it in a nearby coat rack, leaving him in his white polo while loosening his tie slightly. He could hear the door creak open as Scout enters, and he fetches his lighter in his coat pocket and walks to the fire place.

"Sit on one of the chairs, I'll be with you in a moment." He says aloud, and he could her Scout's unsure 'uhh' somewhere behind him. He grabs a few dusty-ish logs from a small corner in the room, and throws them in, flicking the lighter and setting the wood in flames.

He dusts himself off as he stood up, turning to the small table that had a gramophone, and opens the drawer below it. Slowly picking through the various of records stored inside. "Uh Spy? What exactly am I doin' in ya smoking room?" Spy didn't respond, again. He picks out a vinyl record and gently places the record down on the gramophone, and hums as it starts playing.

Scout stares at the gramophone for a moment, processing the music that was continuing to play.

It was nice. "You can stay here for the night, I considered that the music would help with this... 'Ticking.'" Spy replied, taking a seat on the other chair that was near the fire place.

He watched as Scout's expression turn from surprise, to thankful. A tired smile grows on his face as he leans in the couch to get comfortable.

"Thanks for not being an asshole for once," He hears Scout mutter. Spy rolls his eyes as he also leans in his own chair. "Night Spy.."

Spy wouldn't dare admit the small smile on his face as soon as he saw Scout finally relax and fall asleep in peace.

"Aye lad, mind chattin' with ya for a second?"

Spy looked over at the Demo man with a raised brow. They were a minute in before battle started, and everyone was getting ready in Resupply.

"Scout over there seems pretty eh.. Out of it today.." He says as he takes a small sip from his bottle as he nods towards Scout.

Spy follows his movement and spots the runner sitting on one of the benches, leaning on the wall as he messily balances the end of his baseball bat on the ground. Twirling it slightly.

Now his whole position wasn't out of the usual, it was more of his expression.

His face barely showed, indicated, or expressed any emotion. His blue eyes looked dull and fogged as he stared at the wall, and into nothingness.

Spy didn't even think that Scout was capable of doing a poker face.

But what got him to look away in a rush was that Scout's poker face looked almost exactly like his when he was in his youth.

His mouth in a thin straight line, eyes expressed and shown balanced between tired and wide, and his eyebrows barely twitching and basically glued to one spot.

"Scout? Scout are you alright?"

Spy watched as Medic walked over to Scout and shook his shoulder, causing the younger man to shake his head, seemingly snapping out of the expression, and turns to Medic with a more confused look. "Uh yea? What's up doc?" "You were staring at the wall when I called you the first 2 times, are you alright?"

Scout rubbed his eyes and adjusted his cap, then looked back at the doctor. "Yea, yea I'm fine. Just zoned out." He said and waved his hand, standing up as his hand gripped his metal bat as it swung and landed on his shoulder to rest there.

Medic nodded and spoke to him for a while, leaving Spy to contemplate for another few moments.

He didn't have long, before the Administrator shouted in the speakers.

"Startin' to realize he looks like you everyday, huh partner?" Engineer asked, looking over at the Spy with his goggles shining from the light as the doors lift open.

Spy only sighs out a trail of smoke as he drops the cigarette on the floor, and steps on it.

The End :]

#SiC anon writes #tf2 #team fortress 2 #team fortress two #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 engineer #tf2 demo #tf2 heavy #tf2 pyro #tf2 soldier #tf2 medic #spydad #dadspy #tf2 dadspy #tf2 spydad

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rwrbficrecs · 9 months

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Readers' Choice Rec List Part 5 of 7

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

We'll Change the World Yet to Our Dessire [sic] by @torvagatai

@indomitable-love: I just adore this fic and I so rarely see people talking about it, and as it's a little older I think it's got a little lost and I'd LOVE for more people to discover it because I think it's amazing. It's Alex & Henry on a royal tour, battling with Mary to announce their engagement – tender, beautiful, vivid, romantic, has great characterisation and tension without feeling angsty. Just a top tier RWRB fic.

Everybody needs good neighbours by @rmd-writes

@myheartalivewrites: Hot, sweet, there’s Alex being oblivious and Henry pining and I’ve reread it loads of times ❤️

Never Did Run Smooth by @clottedcreamfudge

@myheartalivewrites: Fake dating! Pining! Generalised hotness! If you made me give up all but one RWRB fic, this is the one I’d pick. Don’t make me though

Prince Henry Breaks Down 11 Looks From 1997 to Now by th0ughts

@14carrotghoul: Such a happy ending for Henry and his characterization is magic

Let Loose Your Glow by @athousandrooms

anon: THE comfort fic

Bite Your Tongue On Purpose by Woodsarelovely

anon

Most people exist by @sprigsofviolets

anon: Heartbreaking sick fic

A long way from playground by @three-drink-amy

anon

What do I know by @three-drink-amy

anon: Alex wakes up from a coma and the angst is perfect

Pump the volume by absoluteaudacity

anon: Deaf!Alex. It tackles disability with such care

#readers choice #rwrb fic recs #red white and royal blue #firstprince

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valve3nthusiast · 5 months

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hi burnt ice anon here. can't say that i'm a mind reader lmao but this isn't the first time that my writing has managed to hit someone right in the kink~ so i'll take your response as the highest of compliments <3

anyways i really like yours and mold friend's merformer stuff so i'm gonna throw my hat into the ring with a bit of megamagrod (think that's their ship name) enjoy~

so rodimus and magnus are the captain and sic of the lost light, which i feel would be a research vessel investigating a series of shipwrecks caused a certain merformer out in the middle of the arctic circle

and oh boy do they find the merformer when they get there. he's massive, like half the size of their ship massive and immediately rodimus is down bad, because the intelligence of the big guy, who he soon learns is named megatron, is just so intriguing to a young intrepid researcher like himself. magnus is more concerned about his captain's/lover's new fascination with the merformer because megatron has drowned like six ships and there have been no survivors.

but after a late night conversation on an iceberg with megatron, magnus too, finds himself down bad. they actually learn that megatron was only attacking ships who were trying to hunt him down and that he has a really big interest in human literature

cue really sweet and fluffy courting between all parties involved and rodimus being a really fucking horny size queen and drooling over how massive megatron's spike is.

perhaps merformers like megatron have something to the conjunx rites and he spends his spare time making really intricate and very personalised gifts for magnus and rodimus

i feel like magnus would probably be the one to carry any eggs tho (bc rodimus is too small) but honestly i like the idea of the three of them adopting a child instead of eggpreg, maybe cause megatron's massive size (even for someone of his species) has caused some problems involving his fertility. or maybe there are eggs invovled, but bc of cross species stuff, they don't actually hatch and megatron reallys wants kids so they adopt instead

this is less horny and more gushing about sweet merformers fluff but i think those three would be so kinky, especially with how big megatron is and how much of a size queen rodimus is. but i really like your merformers stuff and i wanted to contribute in some way (hope this one's okay since it's less kinky

-burnt ice

This is simply so banger. Despite being called burnt ice, anon, you only drop fire into my inbox

Rodimus is living his best mermaidfucker life... "Ah yeah this is my wrathful sea god mermaid boyfriend <3 his spike is so big I feel it in my throat every time he fucks my valve <3"

If they do adopt a kid... I think they should go full circle, and have it be a merpup who was orphaned by mermaid hunters...

#im not sure what to add tbh #valveplug #mine #3nthusiasts inbox #rodimus #megatron #ultra magnus #idk the ship name #merformers

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gojonanami · 5 months

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physics professor gojo?

Did I read it right?

PHY-FUCKING-SICS PROFESSOR GOJO?

Are you really going to write it?

Sabina. May God bless you. The women in stem in me is satisfied just at the THOUGHT. My god I'll pass out when that actually happens arghsjsusjjsb.

🛐 you're the best

😭😂.omg I’m so excited for it honestly because if you look under the sab [prof gojo], an anon sent a wonderful idea in that I definitely want to write!! i can’t wait to get to it once I��m done with the main parts of prof geto 🥹

so yes I’m writing it haha - but I cannot guarantee my physics knowledge will be great - I probably will have to do research…my last physics class was in high school and my teacher…wasn’t good at teaching haha

you’re the best 💕✨

#sab [asks]#sab [anons]#sab [prof gojo]#<- that’s the tag!

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rowarn · 1 month

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ANYWAY i sort of reblogged you responding to... that anon with my thoughts already but also wanted to come here to remind you that you do not owe anyone an alternate ending just because they're upset with what YOU chose to do with YOUR story.

there are plenty of stories out there with their versions happy endings and fluff. don't let the people in your inbox bully you. it's extremely childish of them and just know you can always sic me on them if you need <3

and to readers out there, this is like the textbook definition of how to drive away writers, btw. be upset all you want, but demanding that they become a robot and write everything the way you want it to go takes the joy out of creation and sharing so just... maybe keep that in mind lmao.

i'm sorry that you're getting bombarded with them! you're a lovely person and i hope you don't let that get to you too much <3 keep writing what you want to write, there's always going to be someone out there who will truly appreciate it!

mwah i appreciate it core!!!! <333 i don't think anon rlly meant anything malicious behind it and i did already anticipate people being unprepared or unhappy with the ending anyway!!

i do plan to make the next hybrid au i do a happy and fluffy one and everything anyway so hopefully that will make everyone happy and forget all about the sadness of this one HAHA

I APPRECIATE U SM MWAH <3333 thank u for the kind words ily !!!!!

#ask

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fatuismooches · 8 months

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SMOOCHES!! Hii sweetheart, I hope you’ve been doing well! ໒꒰ྀིᵔ ᵕ ᵔ ꒱ྀི১

I’m sorry if I’ve been a bit inactive with brainrots, school has been stressful and on top of it I’ve been struggling with my condition. Everything’s just been really heavy on me with how frequent I go to see doctors. And I may have a rare syndrome that may have affected why I grew so short (4’10). So yeah I’ve been re-reading a lot of your lovely fragile!reader works throughout the weeks.

But I keep thinking on just Zandik holding fragile!raeder while they ramble about their problems. It’s like their own safe haven, wheee you feel heard and protected by the only person who’s stuck by your side since childhood. :( I just wanna snuggle against his strong arms and fall asleep to the sound of his heart beat. Or just being comforted through examinations while Zandik checks to make sure your vitals aren’t deteriorating. But a little angsty thought: on one occurrence where Zandik is checking your vitals and he sees they haven’t improved but slowly decreased. Seeing that the medication you take is useless and he’ll need to batch something up quickly before you take notice or grow concerned. Also, fragile!reader going to Zandy for cuddles or inviting him into their room so they can cuddle. You put on a fake smile and brush it off as “wanting to be with your favorite boy”. But in reality you just really need comfort but don’t want to nag Zandik so frequently that you’ll just be a nuisance. Yeah just fragile!reader always feeling guilt </3 it’s how I’ve been for the past few days.

But I hope you have a much better week than I have had!! And I hope it’s okay to ask, but I remember you writing something about the Harbingers having a “meeting” to figure out who’s the mysterious veiled figure who is at times seen outside the lab with Dottore. I’m not sure if you ever finished it or forgot about it you don’t have to answer this I’m so sorry.

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon ୨୧

HI 🎐 ANON MY LOVE!!! <333 Please don't worry about me or brainrots! I just want you to take care of yourself. That sounds so so stressful I couldn't even begin to imagine. I hope you're managing to get rest between all of that :( I wish i could provide you with more than my words and virtual hugs, but I sincerely hope things get better for you. *hugs* And to answer your question, I'm still working on that fic, slowly but surely! It's probably going to take a while due to school and whatnot but it'll be finished eventually. I also ended up changing the title to Latin since all my Dottore fics have that theme but I also realized how bad online translators are for Latin so right now the tentative title is "Medicus potest amare? (responsum est quod sic)" That's probably way too long so it'll might get shortened. But yeah!! I hope you enjoy it when it comes out 🎐 anon ❤️

But yes! Many of the times Dottore can't really help with your problems, since they're probably related to your illness and whatnot, but what matters to you is how he listens without interrupting or nitpicking. Whether you're on his lap or cuddling together he holds you very tightly, he unconsciously holds you like that as if you would leave him. But you don't complain since you like the security of his arms. Though if it's something within his ability to do, whether it's simple or not, his clones will get it done for you. Just to make your life even the tiniest bit easier. Examinations are never fun but Zandik being the one who does them makes them a bit more comforting :( You probably dread them a lil bit since they're just a constant reminder of your sickness but Zandik and his clones do try their best to make it as stress-free as possible for you :) which is honestly a challenge for them at first considering what they usually do but dneuwidfd they'll do anything for you, yk?

Wahh the angsty thought is unfortunately a frequent reality for Dottore... </3 No matter how much he sees it, he can never truly get used to it, there's always a sharp twinge in his chest. Though he never tells you what he sees... he doesn't want you to take on extra burdens. And ughh,,, cuddles with baby Zandy ;(( honestly his childlike innocence and smile make you feel a bit better but tbh he's still a smart boy so he can probably tell when you're lying and genuinely feeling down! Zandy will still cuddle with you of course but he will probably tell Dottore that he noticed how sad you are, and soon enough the Harbinger will be in your room again. Reminding you that you are not a nuisance. That although his methods aren't conventional, he's your husband, and he's here to help and comfort you. That you two will be together until the very end of the world.

#smooches talks #🎐 anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #zandy bb <3 #ahhh im giving you all of my love 🎐 anon :( <333

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trickstarbrave · 5 months

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could you elaborate (if you don't mind) on the reading the sermons with esoteric analysis techniques thing and how vivec always talks about his trauma? i havent really read the sermons myself but i think i have a good jist of it but the trauma thing is new to me (well, other than the big one in sermon 14)

im not exactly an expert but esoteric readings basically mean "reading between the lines". like subtext but to and extreme. the 36 sermons were designed with this in mind with references to and structure similar of real world occult texts along with encoded messages and the like

"muatra", vivec's spear, is an anagram (basically you rearrange the letters) of "trauma". weaponizing the pain he has gone through in the world to defend himself.

also take sermon 16 for example:

Nerevar said, 'Why are you doing this, milord?' Vivec said, 'To make room for the fire.' And the Hortator could see that Vivec was out of sorts, though not because of the impending new power to come. The golden warrior-poet had been exercising his Water Face as well, learned from the dreughs before he was born. Nerevar said, 'Is this to keep you from the fire?' Vivec said, 'It is so that I may see with truth. It, and my place here at the altar of Padhome in the house of False Thinking, serve so that I may see beyond my own secrets. The Water Face cannot lie. It comes from the ocean, which is too busy to think, much less lie. Moving water resembles truth by its trembling.'

there is a lot of information in this but we're gonna be focusing on 'the fire' here, not the fucking water face or dreughs.

"the fire" here is akin to vivec's divine spark, a sort of symbol of enlightenment, given it is a literal flame on his head. but if you look at other sources like "what my beloved taught me"...

For you, I would shave this head. It would not do that your new friend shook an inconstant kwam-lice from it. I'd take the sigil of Vel, the V, and wear it twice. And I would be new, and believe in the one moon and star as your banner does. I’d make a legend of this netch longhook. Make no frown that this will be my weapon in your guard, however low its station. We all drink from the milk of our fathers. I’d learn to read and then write so that I could see right your name forever. And I would clean your feet so that the next time you made treaty it would be with an assured step.

vivec DID cut his hair, not out of a symbol for enlightenment, but out of devotion and love to nerevar (hell, he named his spear and made it a legendary weapon also out of love and devotion). that love and devotion is what has driven him, what has defined his life, and also that during his time writing the sermons he was still picking apart that love and devotion. i think we can all agree given the foul murder and everything that the love was uhhhh kinda toxic and not healthy. he is trying to make sense of it and what it means for him with an analogy of nerevar also trying and failing to find spiritual fulfillment in sermon 16. but this carries over to sermon 34

The monster accepted Muatra with a peaceful look and his bones became the foundation for the City of the Dead, anon Narsis [sic]. Nerevar put away his axe, which he had at the ready, and frowned.'Why,' he said, 'did you ask me to come if you knew the eighth monster would give in so easily?' Vivec looked at the Hortator for a long time. Nerevar understood. 'Do not betray your nature. Answer as you will.' Vivec said, 'I brought you here because I knew the mightiest of my issue would succumb to Muatra without argument, if only I gave him consolation first.' Nerevar looked at Vivec for a long time. Vivec understood. 'Say the words, Hortator.' Nerevar said, 'Now I am the mightiest of your children.' Let this sermon be consolation to those who read it that are destined to die.

now for further context: i believe vivec's marriage to molag bal is symbolic. molag bal is the daedric prince of domination and the king of rape. and we know factually vivec as a mortal went through all manner of abuse, exploitation, and sexual assault. his marriage to the daedric prince represents an attempt to reclaim his agency in his trauma. and also i believe the children he has with molag bal that he then hunts down and kills are metaphors for or physical manifestations of his trauma.

if the children are representations of vivec's trauma, that means now that he has slain them in an attempt to heal from them, what does that make nerevar? "now i am the mightiest of your children" = "now i am your biggest trauma". and just like all the rest, nerevar is destined to die.

there are other common illusions to his trauma outside of these like "'The span of the apparently inactivated is your love of the absolute. The birth of God from the netchiman's wife is the abortion of kindness from love.'" (this is also using the definition of 'love' as spoken about by crowley, IRL).

we would be here literally all day if i went through all 36 sermons and what i think are allusions to trauma or the deeper meanings of them. because vivec is a poet, talking about complex topics like enlightenment and trauma and the ways in which he sees the world. he loves symbolism and metaphor. there are many things you can say with metaphor that you cannot communicate as well in a literal, factual explanation. to quote ursula k le guin:

"I talk about the gods, I am an atheist. But I am an artist too, and therefore a liar. Distrust everything I say. I am telling the truth. The only truth I can understand or express is, logically defined, a lie. Psychologically defined, a symbol. Aesthetically defined, a metaphor."

hence why i am annoyed when people dont take a look at the deeper meanings beyond the "FOUL MURDER" easter egg hidden meaning. there are so many deeper meanings in them. its a lot of fun to pick apart. they were made for esoteric readings. they arent the factual objective truths, but personal truths. symbols. metaphors.

#tes lore #elder scrolls lore #morrowind #36 sermons of vivec #tesblr

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oldshrewsburyian · 1 year

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I'm ill and likely won't be on and about for weeks, so I'm in need of new TV (crime) recommendations. I've already seen Midsomer Murders, Morse/Endeavour/Lewis, Poirot, Miss Marple, Lord Peter, some of Father Brown, Vera... Hopefully you have some ideas, preferably nothing to gruesome? I'm quite desperate...

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you're ill, Anon; I wish you good convalescence.

Granada's Sherlock Holmes (starring Jeremy Brett as the Master) is streaming on BritBox and it is my ultimate comfort viewing. The series are listed as "The Adventures," "The Memoirs," etc.

There are two versions of Maigret streaming on BritBox, and I enjoy both of them. The 1990s adaptation with Michael Gambon has a delightful theme song, Parisian streetscapes, fine character actors, and Michael Gambon gnawing on a pipe. The recent series starring Rowan Atkinson (sic) is also very good, I think, and much closer in tone to the excellent novels. I don't know if the Jean Gabin Maigret is streaming anywhere, alas.

Shetland, based on Ann Cleeves novels, is beautiful, I think. The crimes are no darker/more gruesome than those of the Morseverse, the landscape is stunning, and the team of detectives who are also friends is a delight.

Lupin, starring Omar Sy, is great fun. It's smart and stylish and gives my French a workout.

I'm not sure if Tatort is available subtitled anywhere, but if you have German, you also have 50+ years of episodes to work through.

Grantchester is a series where I prefer the stories to the show, but especially the early seasons are visually pleasing and feature good acting. And you'll probably be less annoyed by the show than I if you do not have many opinions about theology and Anglicanism...!

The Hour (BBC) is not a detective show, but it follows many of the same beats, and its intrepid journalists do solve sinister mysteries. I love the writing and the characters so much.

The Brokenwood Mysteries (streaming, I think, on Acorn) is similar to Midsomer Murders, but I really enjoy that it at least gestures towards the implications of the small-town-mystery format in having recurring characters involved with e.g. struggling businesses, or petty crime, or pubs.

Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries is both frothy and genuinely sweet. Like the books, it riffs on the plot tropes of the 1920s and '30s. I find it charming.

I hope that some of these provide congenial company.

#my detection obsession #asks and answers

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justyoursicanon · 1 year

Text

I was left in the dark (Till' the light opened up)

And there he goes, Laying in his arms, taking his last few breaths, and his last few words. Before he fell into the darkness. Cold and still. The disguise was long gone as he stared at his son, the destruction, the voices. All of it fading, slowing and distorting down like a record. What if… Spy just held Scout a little longer?

"Mate."

Spy knew what he was implying, he knew that exact tone the night he told the Sniper that single secret he had kept for so long.

But he just couldn't tell the man in front of him the truth.

"Yes, I know. Give us a moment."

It was time, he had to tell the truth. He needed Scout to know before..

"I..."

Just say it. All those insults and other words you've told him from all those days you've worked with him weren't so hard to say. And yet, you couldn't say this to him?

"I'll be right back."

As soon as he stood up and pocketed his disguise kit, he heard the Sniper sigh not too far from him, leaning on the wall for support as he gave him a look. "Don't give me that look bushman, I'm only doing this for his own good." Spy spoke up, low enough for the Sniper to hear, but not enough for Scout.

"Mate, there's outta be a better way to tell him this then just lying to him." The marksman replied, still clutching his continuous bleeding side.

Spy only picked out a single cigarette, the case wide open and the button laying there, ready to be pressed and activate the disguise.

"I've given him too much trouble from the day he was born, having him find out his own father was the man he despised and worked with for the last 5 years unknown is the last thing he would want as his last thought."

He placed the tip of the cigarette into his mouth, blowing out a puff of smoke as he gave the disguise one more glance. "Don't you have something to say to the boy?"

Sniper stayed silent, looking over at Scout, only to see his body getting paler by the second, and his eyes falling ever so slowly.

"We had our moments. But I was bloody glad to be his best friend for so long.."

Spy gave Sniper a single glance as he heard him utter his sentence, he could hear the force in his voice, the faint crack in the end of it, the sad glint in his eye, maybe something even more.

Spy could only sigh as he clicked the button, and smoke surrounded him.

"What's new pussycat?"

Spy always had a deep hatred for the man. But not because of his ability to sing, not because of his fame.

But because Scout adored him to the very end.

That when he saw that smile on his son's face, he could only hate the man he was disguised as even more.

"You're stronger then you'll ever know, Jeremy."

Oh how it had been so long since he's ever let that name fall from his mouth.

"I'm proud of you."

"I've always been proud of you." "Son."

He almost lost control of his impression once he saw Scout's smile brighten, and his eyes slowly falling shut.

"Frickin'... Awesome.."

Sniper could only stare in despair as he watched the scene happen, having to look away as Scout uttered his last words.

Spy could feel himself shake. his gloved hands sweating, and soaking up the blood of his own son. He could feel his lips tremble as his eyes closed shut to stop the tears from even starting to form.

He couldn't tell him, but that's okay.

He was in pain, but was happy to leave in the arms of someone he loved.

Spy couldn't hold it anymore.

He brought the stiff and cold body of Jeremy closer to his chest, letting the brunette's head fall on his shoulder as he harshly wiped a light tear dropping close to his mask to soak in.

His other hand that was holding Scout's shoulder moved to his blood soaked bandaged hand, and he held it tight. Wishing that the boy would just squeeze back one last time.

Sniper tried to take a step forward, opening his mouth to tell Spy they needed to leave but... He just couldn't. Watching his best friend go with a smile was enough for him. He couldn't let himself break the Spy's sorrow moment.

Spy let another tear drip down and land on his mask to sink in. And he brought his hand to gently pet his son's hair as he muttered softly.

"Goodbye, Mon lapin."

His voice cracked, as he hugged his blooded body tight. Several tears forming in his eyes as they dripped down more and more.

He was gone.

But at least he was happy.

'Cough'

The silence was broken, the chaos not too far ahead fading all around the two men.

The three men.

Spy lifted his head up in a mixture of emotions, his eyes snapping down to glance at Scout's face and..

"Spy...?"

He's alive.

"Spy what.. What the hell are you.."

Spy couldn't move, he couldn't change the position he was in as he stared at Scout's face and the colors returning to his ridiculous expression. The blue hue in his eyes growing brighter as he gains his consciousness.

But suddenly, he was punched between his shoulder and face, and he stumbled back to the wall slightly as he came back to face reality.

"You.. You asshole man!"

He looked back at Scout to see him sit up with his hands supporting himself on the ground. His leg kicking Spy's harshly as he weakly pointed at his chest. "You-.. Out of all people, had to go and dress up as Tom Jones and lie about being my DAD!"

Spy could hear the rage in his broken voice, one tone away from screaming at him like he wasn't dead a minute ago.

He watched as Scout got closer to him, and punched his shoulder again. Before his hand laid flat there, and he..

He hugged him.

"You freakin' liar Spy... Just had to do that asshole of a move to me while I was dyin'..."

Spy was beyond confused. Why isn't Scout screaming at him more? Beating him to the ground in anger, why was he hugging him out of all the possibilities he thought of?

Even Sniper was confused, left in a state of shock as soon as Scout spoke and threw a punch at his father.

"..Ma always said you left for a reason."

Oh.

"...She said you were tryna protect us.."

Scout looked up at him, his pale and broken expression, turning into a relieved and joyful smile as tears formed in his eyes.

"I'm so freakin' glad you were with me this whole time..!"

He laughed happily as he brought Spy in another hug, using whatever energy he had left in him to crush the man in utter confusion.

Spy was speechless, what was he feeling? Relief that he was okay and alive? Saddened and furious that he wasted a special moment and disguise?

Or happy that he finally met his son after all these years, and the outcome being better then the worst?

Spy could care less and hugged Scout back with an unusual laugh of his own, his hand gripping his son's blooded back as the other petted his hair as if he was going to fade in his arms again.

Sniper watched it with a growing smile of relief, sighing as he too was surprised by the Scout's reaction. But was glad that Spy didn't die next from a punch, and that his best friend was given another chance like him.

The End ^^

#SiC anon writes #tf2 #team fortress 2 #team fortress two #tf2 spy #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #spy tf2 #scout tf2 #sniper tf2 #spydad #dadspy #implied sniperscout #but can easily be ignored

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sapphyreopal5 · 9 months

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The Starfire Identity Crisis/SPN Fandom Witch Hunt

Oh boy, what a turn of events that has been going on here on Tumblr, IG, etc. I see that there's been some girl on girl crime going on here, perhaps some of which I did partake in clearly but did not hide unlike some people here. There's been so called imposters posing as a girl named Jenna working at SpaceX who went under the name @Starfire876 (then @Starfirelove5 and then @Starfirelove7 before she ultimately deactivated her account). It also seems my initial "dear mistress" post has been taken out of context by some people who decided to started calling me a liar (looking at you @hologramcowboy) because my post AND the ask both were taken out of a literal point of view by others, not so much from the point of view of WHY this ask was sent in. By the way, nice job showing her screenshots that clearly have MY name in the hyperlink at the top and with it, containing the background image that's awful distinctive and unique to MY PAGE. May be this was done as a way to get more positive notes YOUR way and more hate coming my way? Also, you and others named her directly, not I. Plus, why are you trying SO hard to figure out who Starfire is? Good job trying to "keep this fandom safe" in your own words to me, along with trying to pin Starfire's identity on my friend (who I can actually verify is NOT Starfire as I'll explain in this post why), and being frankly cruel about it. Nah girl, you ain't on a mission to help keep this fandom safe: you are on a witch hunt and are actually being cruel about it. Go back and look at the things you've said publicly and in PMs in recent months. Some self-reflection might just do you some good. Were people including yourself NOT talking about the bullying certain individuals in the fandom were partaking in within certain social circles? Hmm, you might want to take a good look in the mirror...

For future reference, take more care to actually review potential identifiers in your screenshots, asks, etc. and actually think about the consequences of such before you go on. It seems you and Anon are in cahoots to pin some things on certain individuals when reality is both of you chose to reveal this woman's identity. You "Anon" should've NEVER sent me that ask (because I'm sure you're gonna read this), let alone with the curious timing of this woman eliminating that already curious Austin post within mere hours of you sending me this ask. YOU contributed to this, quit trying to absolve yourself of any responsibility. "Stay off the blogs"... may be these words might ring a bell coming from someone you know?

Given the tizzy that has been stirred up by Starfire "posing" as a girl named Jenna, I can understand the negative sentiment coming my way. I understand why I am being called a liar given this imposter business. Heck, I've heard of some people believing Starfire and I are one and the same. Again, I understand this sentiment but I will say I've been attached to this same screenname for well over 13 years on many social media websites. I will say this: I NEVER post things to be a liar or to be deceitful. I post things I believe to be true ALWAYS period. I withheld the original ask out of safety concerns, as I believe it contained a lot of identifiers. Afterall, she didn't want people to be "sicced" on her. I apologize to people for feeling deceived and misled. I will say however that calling me a liar because of choosing to read it only from a literal point of view is frankly a direct attack on my character.

I was not and never will be a popular blogger here on Tumblr period. I care writing about spiritual topics, such as dream walking, dream interpretation, divination, deities, the astral planes, etc. Sometimes this crosses over to the show Supernatural, as I've written several posts before giving an explanation of what's true versus what's not on the show's depictions of things. And oh man, I swear I would SO love to talk about things like psychology, particularly forensic psychology. If I could go back in time and change career paths at a younger age, I so would've become a criminal psychologist. Plenty of people here clearly take things at face value when it comes to people's claims. I for many reasons do not. Again this is somewhat for the next post...

Bottom line is, my blog will never be popular and I know it. I'm okay with that. As long as I get to share my experiences and enlighten even a few people who may have had some experiences they can't explain, that's good enough for me. I've gotten plenty of "hateful" asks telling me things like I need to take medications for "talking to imaginary beings". I don't bother with those asks because they're a waste of my time period. The topics I am passionate about don't even coincide with this "mistress" business. I'm NOT a celebrity gossip column, never intended to be. Before I ever got the ask I did, I wrote about these things in such a vague context that maybe a handful of people knew who I could be talking about. I wrote about them with relation to what my tarot readings, pendulum dowsing readings, etc. have said and that's it. If I NEVER got this ask along with the funny timing of when certain things transpired on this woman's page and what's happening in Jensen's life and such simultaneously, I would've just probably stopped mentioning it altogether actually not too long before I got that ask.

When Starfire initially brought up to me her "identity has been stolen" storyline, this was starting around 9/10 or so. I myself found this to be awful suspicious but as always, I chose to give the benefit of the doubt and let her explain herself. It's interesting because she went on to rename herself Starfirelove5 not long after this whole thing went down. I ended up telling her I think it's cool she picked the number 5 because it's my favorite number. Funnily enough, not long after that she went on to change it to 7. She even went on to start taking things I told her and eventually made a twist of them. She tried to make certain traits of mine and such as if they were hers. And then to go on changing her screenname to have the same number of characters as mine, making a screenname that sounds an awful lot like mine and even containing the same number in it? Come on....

I dived into that girl's entire KNOWN LinkedIn and Facebook profiles, and a potentially linked Twitter account. I looked through ALL of her public posts on Facebook and LinkedIn because I got curious. I can 100% tell you for a fact this girl and my friend are NOT one and the same. Their interests are quite different, despite their personalities somewhat similar, and even their writing styles sharing similarities (frankly many people write somewhat like they do). It's also quite funny how many of the photos "Jenna" (or was it Jenna?) sent me were NOT readily available on the public side of her social media profiles. I mean unless someone wants to tell me her account was somehow hacked? I am also curious as to how she found out "someone" was "imposing" as her. Also why this timing NOW, given what's going on now?

I can tell you that the girl some of you are trying to say is Starfire is warm-hearted, caring, genuine and one of my favorite people to talk to period. She's shown me plenty of videos and photos of herself. She works in the humble hospitality industry and frankly has enough on her plate to not even worry about imposing as other people, let alone for the "sole purpose of spreading this ridiculous agenda" as some people put it (paraphrasing here). Starfire on the other hand barely spoke of her personal life, came across pretty aloof, and everything was just a bit too perfect. Heck, she even made up quite a few lies about my friend and for what, to make herself sound more relevant or charitable or something?

Dunno, your guess is as good as mine. I'm quite curious with this being said... What is this CLEAR proof my friend and Starfire are one and the same, hmm? Where is it outside of "writing styles match"? Did you get a chance to get to know both her and Starfire for months now? Nah, I didn't think so. If she really wanted to be an imposter hiding behind someone who frankly looks more like a diva than herself, why would she reveal her real self to anyone? Why would someone working in the hospitality industry and trying to make ends meet have enough care in the world to make several "sock accounts" for this purpose? Hmm....

#rant #spn family #mean girls #fandom bullshit #Starfire the imposter?

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