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wifeofptsdvet · 2 years

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This Time of Year

As many of you know, my husband has PTSD from his deployment time overseas in the military. What some of you DONT know is the hell that can/does come with it. This month, May, is mental health month, and starting tomorrow, June 1st, is PTSD Awareness Month. This is also a traumaversary month for my husband. Generally, Jan-June 1 is an exhausting roller coaster ride filled with sleepless nights,…

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wehaveallgotknives · 7 months

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the sowing of making my spouse watch deep space 9 with me has resulted in the reaping of us having to watch season seven of deep space 9

#in this house we hate ezri dax #spouse: I can’t believe ptsd nog fucked hologram frank sinatra #ds9

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performing-personhood · 1 year

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[Scene: two married people discuss the day's upcoming dinner, the narrator and her partner. Wearing shoes and preparing for a quick run to the shop, he is shutting the crisper drawer and withdrawing from the refrigerator.]

"Those chicken breasts are still very frozen."

Yeah, ugh I didn't plan far enough in advance. Again. I'm sorry!

"OK, well I can figure something out for dinner."

I mean, it's YOUR weekend. Cooking dinner is my job!

"It is, and you suck at it."

Ok but in my defense, this is a full-time job and I really only slack off once or twice a week. Which is pretty good for a full-time job.

"It's really not though."

[They stare at each other expectantly. A moment of silence elapses.]

Okay, well, sorry? Fuck me then, I guess.

[He shuts his eyes in exasperation and holds them closed. Another moment of silence elapses.]

Just. Bring home an ingredient you want for dinner and I'll cook with it.

"..... we'll see how it goes. I'll be back in a bit."

Alright, bye then.

[He exits.]

[The narrator picks up her phone, intent on sharing this frustrating experience. Seeing nobody appropriate in the chat but still feeling an intense desire to capture the conversation verbatim before it fades, she decides a post is in order and decides to script the whole thing in a Tumblr post instead. She is sure that, once written out, it will be clear which one of the two was being an asshole. Disappointingly, this does not transpire as being the case.]

[Fade to black.]

#stories from married life #just neurodivergent things #actually adhd #executive dysfunction things #neurotypical spouse problems #i am terribly sorry for not realizing stay-at-home spouses are not entitled to days off #full time jobs are entitled to days off but only if you get a paycheck #full time jobs where you take care of a household all day are not entitled to days off #i definitely have mentioned it takes me six hours every day to figure out what to make for dinner #and that does not include planning ahead for the following day's dinner by pulling something from the freezer to thaw #which sometimes i forget after a long week of ptsd triggers and getting my period #but its definitely something to throw shade at me for #since you know #i am the only one living in the house who forgets things and makes mistakes #guess i forgot that too

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dramioneasks · 5 months

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Top 10 Most “Kudos-ed” (Completed) Fics on AO3 of 2023:

Damaged Goods by slytherin_after_dark - E, 50 chapters, Words: 150,499 - Hermione, now in her mid-20s, is back at Hogwarts to pursue higher education. Trying to forget the trauma carved into her by the war, she spends one lust-filled night with a certain pureblood. But that night will have consequences. While her personal life unravels, a string of mysterious murders forces her to work together with Draco Malfoy, who himself seems to carry many secrets. "He scared her. Not because he wielded killing curses like they were nothing, but because he seemed to understand her in a way that even she didn’t. The more she let him in, the more power he had to destroy her." Come for the smut, stay for the plot. Read if you like: - Murder mystery - Dark Arts - Hurt/ Comfort - Hermione and Draco both deal with PTSD - Angst, so much angst

In These Silent Days by HeyJude19 - E, 14 chapters, Words: 67,209 -Hermione is familiar with fighting: for respect, for attention, for justice. She’s even made a career of it; working on behalf of creatures and beings. But her battle against the Ministry’s marriage law is one she loses. Badly. And now, she has to contend with not only public derision and patriarchal politics, but her growing feelings for her government-mandated spouse.

The Silver Envelope by sinflower81 - E, 70 chapters, Words: 192,647 - “Tell me again to release you, Granger. Tell me again that you just want to be friends.” It’s been five years since Draco last spoke to Granger. Things are different now, and though earning her trust will be a challenge, he can’t seem to keep himself away. Hermione has been busy advocating for elves around the world, but when her breakup with Ron turns her life upside-down, she knows there’s only one person who can help her. Alternating POVs between Hermione and Draco. Slow burn, eventual smut, light dom/sub. Diverges from canon after Voldemort's defeat.

In Silence & Submission by gillianeliza - E, 29 chapters, Words: 69,694 - 10 years after the war everything has changed. Enemies turned into friends and lovers. Fear turned into hope. Pain into joy. Everyone has moved on except for Hermione Granger. Nestled within her friend group, now made up of not just Harry and Ginny, but also Theodore Nott, Pansy Parkinson, Blaise Zabini and of course Draco Malfoy, she was content to allow the trauma of her past to haunt her. More than just content - it was what she felt she deserved - until one evening Draco Malfoy decided enough was enough. This is a low stakes, split POV fic that deals heavily with life AFTER the Battle of Hogwarts. You will find the POV of either Hermione or Draco stated in bold italics, in the middle whenever it shifts. Please read all tags as this work deals with BDSM, kink, trauma recovery, & suicidal ideation.

A Game of High Stakes by In_Dreams - E, 51 chapters, Words: 263,110 - In theory, the task is simple: kill Draco Malfoy. In practice, putting a curse through the Dark Lord's favoured lieutenant will take everything Hermione has―especially since he's trying to kill her, too. Even more so when the lines between them start to blur. Sometimes, the only way out is through.

Hogwarts: A History (Hermione's Version) by Lizzie_carlile - M, 38 chapters, Words: 141,828 - Lord Voldemort has been defeated, and the children of the Wizarding War are thriving. When the heir to the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black is adopted and takes her place in the family with her loving fathers, a new trio is formed. With her best friend and her brother by her side, Hermione Black is thrust into a world that she never knew existed. Will whispers from the past threaten to destroy the world she knows? Or will love once again conquer all? Another take of the Nice Things AU. What would happen if Draco asked Hermione to the Yule Ball before Ron Weasley had a chance to?

Teach Me How to Forget by scullymurphy - E, 20 chapters, Words: 109,646 - Hermione Granger is 27 years old when her life falls apart. Cheated-on, flatless, fed up with her job, she decides to change one thing she can--take a class and try for some career advancement. But change is never easy, especially when an old enemy is the catalyst. And the class instructor. "Just as the minute hand clicked over to the hour, the doorknob twisted and a figure slipped into the room. He was tall, a bit windblown. Hermione had a general impression of crisp cuffs and polished leather, and then a more specific one of the most beautiful grey coat—highlighting his shoulders and eyes, skimming to just the right place on his knife creased trousers. His movements were precise and confident. He was wearing the softest-looking gloves. He was not Professor Belinda Rowle. He was Draco bloody Malfoy."

The Order of Serpents by bl_crtz - E, 44 chapters, Words: 193,506 - During the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry Potter walked into the forbidden forest, died, and walked out with crimson eyes as the new vessel of the Dark Lord. Since then, Hermione Granger served as an elite member of the True Order, isolating herself from other Order members and going on missions alone, not only haunted by the loss of her best friend, Harry, but Ron who had run away after the battle. Three and a half years later, Draco Malfoy shows up with his two year old son on the Order’s doorstep seeking to switch sides. Together, Draco and Hermione are forced to deal with not only each other, but their own past and confront who they’ve become because of the war.

The Contender by rubykrishna - E, 9 chapters, Words: 58,875 - Hermione stopped walking. Her eyes scanned back up the roster until they found the name that she initially mistook for a typo. Draco Malfoy….Beater. She could comprehend the words, the name and the meaning. She understood that his name being on the roster meant he was the starting Beater for England’s national team, but for whatever reason, when her eyes ran over the black ink, her brain could not articulate any emotions or reaction.

Sincerely Yours by LovesBitca8 - E, 10 chapters, Words: 40,759 - A smile tickled the corners of Hermione’s mouth as she clicked Send. She listened to the whoosh of the message and then turned off her computer. When the ping! had come in, she’d had one foot half-out the door of her flat. She’d dropped her coat and darted for her computer desk, a wide grin blossoming at her inbox. You’ve Got Mail.

#dramione #year wrap up #ao3 #favourite fics #2023

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yuyinesque · 25 days

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WOMANEATER | “𝗒-𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖻𝖾𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗈𝗉𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗌𝖾 𝗁-𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗌 𝗁𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗆𝖾𝗋𝖼𝗒…”

⚘ précis. ≡ you're a therapist in a psyche ward, and your new patient isn't one you're particularly experienced with.

⚘ disclaimers. ≡ yandere!incel & psyche ward!therapist y/n, afab!reader (no fem-aligned prns used), physical violence, compulsive masturbation, hypersexuality, misogyny & women-blaming, usage of “bitch”, mentions of post-traumatic stress disorder (ptsd); obsessive behavior; delusion (secondary erotomania); age regressing; & urine, manipulation (guilt-tripping & gaslighting), mentions of suicide & self harm, implied rape fantasies & perversion.

⚘ category. ≡ nsft headcanons.

⚘ wc. ≡ 781.

𖦥 m.list. oc.list

🧷 yandere!incel who is a scrub-wearing individual who wears stoic expressions like they’re permanent masks, though at times the said mask tends to falter vastly when he’s around any woman; even fem-presenting figures drives him an inch deeper towards insanity. he’s picked numerous fights with women and only women, even when they’ve done nothing but walked past him. the fights were always prompted by truculence and defense, as for he would disclose evident signs that he was terrified of said woman, completely convinced that they were after him in some sort of ill manner, so he strikes before they even get the chance to blink. because of this, he’s been isolated away from female figures, and only male characters were capable of catering to him, as he was indifferent towards them. well, every male but you, a female.

🧷 yandere!incel who is quite the handful for inexperienced, psyche ward!therapist darling, as for they haven’t dealt with a patient with such a high caliber of disorders; their worst case so far was a suicidal woman who was diagnosed with type one bipolar. one session with the individual was enough to question your overall abilities. i mean, he despised you. at least that’s what you believed.

🧷 yandere!incel who is tired of you cheating on him with other patients! this is why he’s so angry towards you specifically, but he won’t say. however, he’s also completely infatuated with you; have i also mentioned completely horrified with you? you’ve noticed each time you would change your tone slightly, he would convert into a fretful mouse, apologizing incessantly as tears glossed his dark, beady eyes, also slipping up by referring to you as “mother” in a small, infantile voice. you concluded it was because you reminded him of such, and she was primarily the reason why he feared and hated women so much. motherly abuse.

🧷 yandere!incel who would have his calmer days since he was genuinely interested in his spouse. he’s never had a woman so madly in love with him, so it not only fed his ego, but causes his dick to swell with cum each time you evinced signs that confirmed you were oso desperate for his attention. with the way you sit up when you walk in, reassure him that everything will be fine, or even going out of your way to smile in such a lecherous manner. it angered him, especially when he begins groping his hardened crotch in front of you and complaining about you and your whorish antics. you would ignore him in response or threaten to cut the meeting short, which prompts a loud, slur-screaming, victim-blaming outburst in response.

🧷 “you’re such a bitch, you hear me?! a bitch! and a bitch li-like you shouldn’t even be alive! luring me, t-teasing me—all women are just a bunch of fffffucking sluts!!”

🧷 yandere!incel who also showed signs of hypersexuality and exhibitionism. he was a chronic masturbator, pleasuring himself to the most horrific things with your face in mind. just the thought of keeping you in your place by forcing you to perform taboo acts on the receptionist desk as everyone watched rotted his mind.

🧷 yandere!incel who would try to convince you that he doesn’t hate you only to voice his hatred towards you the next week. then he’d not only do that, but then claim that he’s never done such with tears in his eyes, finding your scoldings utterly unnecessary and so mean. there was even a time where you lost your patience and raised your voice at him, immediately causing him to not only an apologetic rant, but to begin pissing himself in the chair he was trembling and sobbing on, the strong scent of ammonia filling the room during the process.

🧷 yandere!incel who needed your touch or he’ll perform said disgraceful acts. there was a day where he pleaded for just a hug from you if he was good the whole week. once you confirmed it, he did just that. no fights, no arguments, nothing. he even apologized for freezing up and screaming at the poor, feminine soul that walked near him. you knew it was against the rules to be this affectionate towards patients, but you couldn’t break a promise. and so, you did—hugged him. awkwardly, even. he was rather short, so his face was buried within your chest, and the boner pressed against your thigh only made you feel nauseous, but not as nauseous as his next, ominous set of words.

🧷 “y-you better hope these h-hands hold mercy on your.. body once i luh-latch them onto you…”

yuyinesque | translate with permission & peruse without theft

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morallyinept · 5 months

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Adrift With You - A Frankie Morales Series

Summary: Heading away on a work re-location, Frankie embarks on a flight, but unbeknownst to him, his life is about to change forever. For starters, he will need to fight for it; harder than he's ever fought for anything else before.

Marooned on an isolated island in the middle of the ocean, still recovering from an addiction, his chances of survival are bleak; but he’s not alone on the island, and soon he’s running towards a different kind of life - a life with fellow survivor, Jude, fighting right beside him every step of the way.

And if they can both survive the island together, they can survive anything, right?

Pairing: Frankie Morales x OFC Jude

Frankie is in his early 40's, around 42/43, Jude is in her late 30's, around 37/38. Jude has mid-length hair - other than that, I've tried to keep Jude as a blank canvas in terms of ethnicity/eye & hair colour. This is so you can imagine yourself as Jude, if you'd like to. If I miss anything, please kindly let me know. Images are for aesthetic purposes only, no direct reference to Jude.

Word Count: 120K - give or take... it's novel length. 👀

Scoville Smut Rating:🌶️🌶️🌶️ “You tell me I’m doing well, and then, you try to kill me.”

Check out my Scoville Smut Ratings here.

WARNINGS/TRIGGERS: Survival/mentions & descriptions of a plane crash/death/drowning/starvation/dehydration/malnourishment/injury/sickness & illness/depression/PTSD/drug use/drug addiction/mentions of loss/sorrow/angst/brief mention of miscarriage/bleeding/blood loss/cheating spouse - I promise it's not all doom & gloom.

EXPLICIT: Unprotected PIV (wrap up, folks!)/fingering/oral both M & F receiving/hand job/masturbation - all the good stuff.

NSFW. MINORS DNI! OVER 18’s ONLY. YOU ARE SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT YOU READ.☝🏻Don’t come at me; you’ve been plenty warned.

I write for me, and I share with you. If this story isn't for you, that's fine. Just slip quietly out the back door. No need to make a fuss. It's just a work of fiction.

Author’s Note: This is a story I wrote a long time ago, and have re-edited for Frankie. It's a story I have poured a lot of love into, and probably one of my favourite things I've ever written. I really hope you enjoy Frankie & Jude's story. 🖤

MAIN MASTERLIST | FRANKIE MORALES MASTERLIST

Enjoy! 🖤

Chapters including smut - 🌶️ Trigger Warnings will be highlighted red, if any.

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 4

CHAPTER 5

CHAPTER 6

CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 8

CHAPTER 9

CHAPTER 10

CHAPTER 11 🌶️

CHAPTER 12 (Trigger Warning) 🌶️

CHAPTER 13 🌶️

CHAPTER 14

CHAPTER 15 🌶️

CHAPTER 16

CHAPTER 17

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 19

CHAPTER 20

CHAPTER 21

CHAPTER 22

CHAPTER 23

CHAPTER 24

CHAPTER 25

CHAPTER 26

CHAPTER 27

CHAPTER 28

CHAPTER 29

CHAPTER 30

EXTRAS:

Playlist

The Island

Mood board by the amazing @sawymredfox 🖤

Frankie & Jude as SIM's characters by the wonderful @fckyeapedrothots99 🖤

Adrift Clip by the awesome @survivingandenduring 🖤

Mood board by the lovely @undercoverpena 🖤

TAGGING ISSUE <- Read if you want to be tagged.

This will probably be around 30-40 chapters or so, maybe less depending how much I bulk them out. I'll add chapters as I upload. New chapters will be added on a Sunday starting mid January 2024 - Please ensure you're following me and switch on notifications so you don't miss out on this story.

MAIN MASTERLIST | FRANKIE MORALES MASTERLIST

#pedro pascal x reader #frankie morales x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #frankie morales #frankie morales x you #frankie morales triple frontier #frankie morales smut #frankie morales angst #frankie morales fluff #triple frontier fic #triple frontier #adrift with you series #jett's writing

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etheries1015 · 7 months

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TWISTED WONDERLAND MASTERLIST

Character's revolving around the story will be highlighted in RED. NSFW section below the SFW one.

link back to OG masterlist

Link to Twisted wonderland Masterlist Pt. 2

SFW

A little more to love - Lilia x Reader HC

Happy Fathers day - Crowly shit post

Secret relationship and the wing man- Malleus X reader

Finding out your real name - Platonic Multi (seperate)

Beating the shit out of a student- Platonic Multi (Together) [TW: assault, but MC is a badass]

Rejection hurts- Lilia X reader [Angst, no comfort]

Rejection hurts pt2 - Lilia X reader [Angst, slight comfort?]

When you wish upon a star- Malleus X Reader

Magic Catastrophe- Twst X Obey me crossover

Magic Catastrophe pt2 - Twst X obey me crossover

Your first encounter - General Lilia x Reader shit post

An apology mug - Malleus X reader

How could you love that...?- Malleus X High energy/gremlin reader (lowkey shit post)

When he began to fall in love- Lilia x (slightly traumatized) reader [TW: Depiction of panic attacks, mentions of PTSD, reader does not like being startled by the mischievous vampiric fae :( ]

Domestic kitchen moments- Trey, Rook, Malleus, Lilia X Reader

What a shame- Bi Lilia X Bi Reader shit post

The school Therapist- Working Adult MC HC

The promises we made- Malleus X reader Angst/fluff rolled into one...

Our popular prefect! - Headcannon on MC's daily life as the ramshackle dorm prefect and their precious students.

Endless Marriage proposals- General Lilia X reader (angst no comfort)

Endless Marriage Proposals (ALT ENDING) - General Lilia x Reader (Fluff)

Glorious Masquerade- MC Solves the problem!

Glorious Masquerade- The... interesting dormmate... (answer)

A dragons infatuation - Malleus X reader HC

When they snore - Mallus, Rook, Azul, Riddle, Vil (Separate) X Reader

When you cuddle them like a Koala- Housewardens (separate) X reader

A fearful realization - Malleus X reader

A fearful realization pt. 2- Malleus X reader

Lonely together - Malleus X lonely reader

The swearing issue - Lilia HC

The dreaded reunion- shit post (king!Malleus, his spouse MC, and a few other special guests.)

The secret ingredient - Lilia X Reader (lowkey shit post)

A sacrifice worth making- Malleus X reader

A "normal" therapy session - Multi (shitpost HC)

When you cry- Malleus X reader

His first and last love- Lilia x reader

Boring lectures - Malleus X reader (pretty much platonic)

Finding out you're trans masc- Malleus, idia, kalim, Riddle X trans masc reader

Biting and accidental courtship - Lilia, Malleus, Leona, Ruggie, Jack, Rook X reader

Defending your lover- General Lilia x Reader

His unique magic- Jack x Reader

A different way of fighting- General Lilia and Gremlin reader HC

Dancing in the kitchen - Lilia X reader

Writing each other letters - Lilia X reader (2 scenarios)

His birthday present- Lilia X reader

Your dream and a wish- No ship, just your dream regarding Chapter 7.

Finding you sobbing - Malleus, Lilia X reader

Chaotic Prefect - Ask/Answer

Long lived/succubus (kind of) Yuu and their infatuation with humans- Ask/answer, platonic! Baul and General Lilia

Not particularly good at baking - Lilia X reader

Lilia shit post

Your importance - Lilia X reader (short)

Flower crowns- Meleanor X reader

A heavy farewell- Lilia X reader

An interesting fascination - Pomefiore X reader who is fascinated with scars (ask/answer)

A genius feat! - Technologically challenged reader X Idia Shroud

Learning human legs- Malleus learning to form a human body HC

Being allergic to them - Octavinelle and Savanaclaw

Sleep somewhere else!- MC allergic to cats and Grim headcannon

A messy confession - Floyd X reader

Half baked confession - Malleus X Flirty/shamelessish reader

Happy birthday, Malleus! - Malleus x reader

Happy birthday, reader! - General Lilia X reader

They throw you a birthday party - Diasomnia X reader

Prefects muse- Azul, Riddle, Idia X flirty reader

Prefects muse- Jack X flirty reader

The fae with a dream - General Lilia X Fae reader (angst) TW: death, emetophobia

your jealous lover- Lilia X reader

Raising a child and his interesting parenting style - Lilia X reader

when you're sick - short Silver X reader headcannon

Missing the "girly" things - Twst (Multi! Platonic!) X Fem! reader

Day dreaming - (Short) Lilia X reader headcannon

Oblivious old man- Lilia X reader HC

When he fell in love- Vil X reader

You're pregnant! their reaction? - Vil, Malleus, Azul, Lilia X Afab reader (no pronouns)

A flowers meaning- Lilia x reader

Cuddling his Tsum- Lilia X reader

Do you regret it? - Lilia X reader

NSFW

18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

A little bit of everything - Malleus Draconia relationship HC

Getting Drunk - Lilia X reader

Would they wait until marriage? - Multi (separate, lowkey shit post)

His little human toy- General Lilia X reader

Midnight dirty thoughts- About Dragon Malleus [tw monsterfucking]

Size kink HC - Malleus Draconia X reader [ tw monsterfucking]

A faes hidden desires- Malleus Draconia X reader

General Lilia Vanrouge thoughts - General Lilia x reader (short)

Pretty little pregnant you - Lilia X fem! Reader (tw: pregnancy)

Lilias praise - Lilia X reader (More suggestive than NSFW, but I placed it here anyway.)

Taking his virginity - Lilia X reader

Birthday head- Malleus x reader shit post

The unfortunate shower incident - Lilia X reader (only suggestive, not very NSFW)

living out a fantasy - Lilia X reader (TW hair pulling, slight mentions of blood)

General Lilias stress relief - Lilia x reader (TW slight non-con)

Hot spring mischief- Lilia & Malleus X reader

Guiding Malleus thru his heat- Malleus & Lilia X reader

#Twisted wonderland #Twst #twisted wonderland X reader #Twst X reader #Twisted wonderland fanfictions #twisted wonderland headcannons #Twst fanfics #twst headcannons #Etheries Fics #Etheries masterlist #Twisted wonderland masterlist #Malleus x reader #lilia x reader

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cherrycola27 · 1 year

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Till Death?

Summary: You and Rooster promised to love each other until death do you part. You just didn't think it would come so soon.

Next Part

Pairing: Rooster x Reader, Hangman x Reader

Warnings: Major Character Death, language, loss of a spouse, PTSD, light smut. 18+ Minors DNI

"It wasn't supposed to go like this," you thought as you watched them lower the casket into the ground.

Almost everyone around you was crying, but you weren't. You knew that the casket was just symbolic. It was an empty wooden box being buried in the earth because they'd never found your husband's body, even after almost two months of searching.

You weren't crying because you knew he wasn't dead. That's what you kept telling yourself. It was the last hope you had, and you needed to cling onto it, if not for yourself, for your unborn child.

You were pulled from your thoughts as Jake presented you with the flag from his casket. You tried to put in a brave face as Maverick held onto you. You and everyone around you were hurting.

You didn't miss the flash of guilt in Jake's eyes. He felt the most responsible for this.

Six weeks ago, the Dagger Squad decided to rent a both for the 4th of July. Jake, being the only member of the crew with a boating license, was driving when the storm came out of nowhere.

He tried his best to save it, but the ship wrecked in the rough waters. The last thing you remember is your husband putting a life vest on you before everything went black.

When you came to the hospital four days later, Maverick and Jake were there. The first thing you asked was if your baby was okay. The second was about your husband.

Neither of the men will forget just how heartbreaking it was hearing you wail his name when they told you he was missing.

They were both there the day the police showed up at your door step a month later telling you he had been declared legally deceased.

You wanted to argue with them, to scream, to cry, to be angry. But, you had to keep it together, the child you were carrying, your son need you.

So here you were, standing and staring at the headstone. You let a few tears slip as you traced the inscription:

Bradley Nicholas Bradshaw

1984- 2020

Loving Son, Husband, Father, and Friend

You had made sure that "Father" had been included because even though Rooster might not ever meet his son in this lifetime, in the four months of your pregnancy that he was there for, he made sure that your son knew he was loved.

In the weeks that followed, your parents would drive the forty-five minutes to check up on you almost every day. If they weren't there, one of Rooster's teammates was. All of them decided to make sure you and Baby Bradshaw were taken care of.

Most of the time, it was Jake or Maverick and Penny checking in on you. Maverick was the closest thing Rooster had to family left, and Jake felt like he owed you. He felt like he was the reason you were barely thirty-one years old and already a widow, a pregnant widow at that.

As time went on, the visits from your parents and even Maverick seemed to be less frequent. Once a week, maybe, but not Jake, he was there at least three times a week.

You tried to tell him it wasn't his fault, but you knew you'd never be able to convince him other wise.

Then, the day you were dreading came, the birth of your son should have been a joyous one, your family was there, your parents holding your hands through it all.

When the nurse laid Bradley Nicholas Bradshaw Jr. on your chest for the first time, you sobbed, a mix of happy and sad tears. You thanked God for your son but cursed him for taking your husband.

You decided to call him Nick. Maybe one day you could call him Bradley, but not right now. After his birth, you asked Jake to be his godfather. You told him that you and Rooster had talked about it when you first found out that you were expecting. Jake cried like a baby when you asked him, but happily accepted.

Three weeks later, Jake found a house for sale a block away from you and bought it. He claimed it was because he had been looking for his own place for a while, but you knew it was because he wanted to keep an eye on you.

Everyone helped you with Baby Nick. They took turns babysitting him if you needed a break. They also made sure you didn't show any signs of postpartum depression, especially after everything you had been through.

You fell in a routine after Nick's birth. Everyone supported you, but Jake seemed to be the most present. The two of you frequently ate dinner together, and there had been several times he'd fallen asleep on your couch instead of making the short walk back to his home.

Everything was going well until Nick was about six months old. You knew waking up today was going to be hard. Today was the one year anniversary of Rooster's "death," and when you rose this morning, it crossed your mind. For the first time, you cared to admit, you accepted that he was gone.

You quickly got yourself and Nick ready to head to the cemetery. You texted the squad to let them know what you were doing and to tell them you wanted to go alone. You knew all of them took the day off today, just in case.

You and Nick spent hours at Bradley's grave talking to him and visiting with him. You laughed and cried as you filled him in on everything he'd missed. Towards the end of your visit, you pulled up one of the stories Rooster had recorded on your iPad when he found out you were pregnant. He filmed them just in case he was deployed during the first year of Nick's life.

You thought he was ridiculous for doing so, but now you were grateful for them. You were thankful Nick would have them to know his father's voice and laugh.

The two of you sat in the grass listening to Rooster read a book about planes when he said it: "DaDa"

Your head snapped down at your son. You thought you were hearing things. But as if on cue, Nick reached out one of his chubby baby hands towards the screen and said it again while looking at Rooster. "DaDa," he cooed.

Your chest felt tight. Sobs threatened to bubble up out of you. You quickly scooped up Nick and your things and bolted to your car. Before driving home, you sent a text to Jake asking him to meet you at your house in fifteen.

Jake met you in your driveway. The second your car was in park, the tears came pouring out. He quickly grabbed Nick out of his car seat and helped you inside. He left you in the living room as he put Nick down for a nap in the nursery.

When he came back out to check on you, you were a whimpering mess.

He pulled you close to him, rocking you and whispering soothing words. "What happened, honey?" He asked you.

"Nick said his first word today. We were there in the cemetery, watching a video that Rooster had recorded, and Nick grabbed the screen and said,'DaDa'. He knew who he was." You sobbed out.

Jake wasn't sure what to say. He just held you until you stopped crying.

That evening, he ordered takeout for the two of you and made sure Nick was fed and changed and ready for bed. Once he put him down, you knew he'd be out for the rest of the night. Nick was a great sleeper.

When he came back into the living room, Jake noticed you had showered and changed onto some sleep clothes.

"Do you want to me leave?" He asked hesitantly.

"Can you stay, maybe just a little while longer?" You asked him.

"Of course." He said, coming to sit by you on the couch. You leaned against him as he slipped his arm around you.

"I'm sorry." You told him. "Sorry for what?" He asked you. "I'm sorry that I lost it today. I'm sure you had better thing to do than take care of me." You tell him.

"Honey, I took the day off just on case you and Nick needed me. You have nothing to be sorry for." Jake assured you.

"Some days are better than others, you know?" You say to him. He nods his head in agreement.

"Like some days, I swear I see him in the grocery store, or I smell his aftershave, or I hear him at the Hard Deck." You explain, sitting up to face Jake.

"And then some days, I lay down at night and realize I haven't thought about him all day. Some days, I think that I'm ready to move on and put myself back out there. I know I wouldn't be doing anything wrong if I did go on a date. I mean, I promised Rooster till death, I just never expected it to be so soon. And on days like that, I feel—I feel guilty. Like I've betrayed him." You finish telling him.

"You can't do that. You can't beat yourself up. Rooster wouldn't want you to wither away in this house. He'd want you to be happy." Jake says, taking your hands in his.

You don't know why, but your heart quickens in your chest.

"I know he would want me to be happy, but what if I can't love anyone again? What if no one ever loves me again? I mean, I'm a thirty-two year old widow with a baby. Who's going to want that?" You tell him.

"Sweetheart, don't be so hard on yourself." Jake says, cupping your face and wiping away a stray tear.

"Any guy would be lucky to date you. You're smart, hard working, beautiful, an amazing mother, and one of the strongest people I know." He tells you earnestly.

You meet his eyes and feel the emerald orbs looking deep into your soul. You can tell he is being truthful, his words sparking joy in your heart, but there's something else there, just behind his smile.

You aren't sure what possessed you to do it, but before either of you can process it, you're in Jake's lap, connecting your lips with his.

His arms wrap around you, one hand splayed across your lower back, the other griping at the base of your neck as you kiss him with fervor.

It's a hot, passionate mix of teeth and tongue.

You can feel him growing harder through the fabric of your sleep shorts and his pants as you grind down on him.

You reach for the hem of his shirt, and that's when his brain finally catches up with him and he pulls away.

"Honey—Honey stop." Jake says pushing you back slightly.

"What's wrong? You ask him, slightly out of breath.

"Honey, I don't want to take advantage of you while you're like this." He tells you, tucking a stray piece of hair being your ear.

"You aren't taking advantage of me." You tell him.

"Jake, please, I want this. I need you." You breathe out.

Before he can think about it too long, Jake's lips are back on yours, and he is picking you up to carry you to your bedroom.

You gasp as he lifts you, giving him a chance to slot his tongue in your mouth.

You're both nearly naked by the time you lays you on your bed. He takes his time with you. Bring you over the edge twice with his mouth and fingers before he even thinks about entering you.

"Honey, I don't have any protection." He says when you try to pull him on top of you.

"I'm on birth control. I have been since Nick was born." You tell him.

He looks back at you, laying on the bed, hair fanned out, body flush. You looked amazing.

Jake's mind was racing. Was he really about to sleep with his dead best friend's wife in the bed Rooster once slept in?

In the back of his mind, the angel on his shoulder told him it was wrong, but the sounds you made when he kissed you and touched you made it feel so right.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Jake slid into you slowly. He cared for you as he passionately made love to you.

He knew that tomorrow you would come to your senses and this would never happen again, so tonight he planned to enjoy every moment of it.

You came with a breathy gasp of his name, something he's sure would haunt his deepest fantasies for years to come.

After he helped clean the two of you up and began to gather his clothes. But you stopped him. "Stay." You muttered, and how could he not.

The next morning, he woke up in a panic, but you soothed him, stating that you didn't regret anything and he didn't either.

He searched your eyes for any indication that you didn't want this, didn't want him.

If he had any sense, he would have run out of there. But the way you were looking at him, he couldn't deny his attraction to you. If he had been stronger, he would have said how wrong this was, but Jake Seresin was a weak man.

He couldn't believe that he was considered dating his wingman's widow. He shouldn't have given in. Temptation always had consequences, but if it meant he could be with you, he was prepared for them, whatever they may be.

Then came the talks of where to go from here. You agreed that whatever you were should say between the two of you for now.

But after two months of being together, you finally told everyone. They were instantly supportive of your blossoming relationship, claiming Rooster would want you to be happy.

Things seemed to finally be looking up for you after so much darkness.

Soon, it was Nick's first birthday. Everyone was there to celebrate him, the house decked out in "TOP ONE" decorations.

You brought the airplane cake you had specially made out for him. Lighting the candle, everyone began to sing before you helped little Nick blow it out and make a wish.

Penny was taking pictures, and you were too distracted to notice that Jake had gotten down on one knee until he tapped your back.

Everyone gasped and smiled, waiting for your answer, but before you could say anything, you were interrupted by the voice of a ghost.

"Hangman, what the fuck is going on here?"

Tag List: @dreamingathighaltitude @shanimallina87 @luckyladycreator2 @mak-32 @katieshook02 @samhapner6 @rosiahills22 @thedroneranger @roosterforme @youlightmeupfinn @withahappyrefrain @arson-tm @sebsxphia @potato-girl99981

Sorry for the trauma, babes! If you want to be added to the tag list, let me know. Also, likes are great, but reblogs and comments are golden!

#top gun maverick #top gun #rooster bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster top gun #bradley bradshaw #lt. bradley bradshaw #lt. jake seresin #jake hangman seresin #hangman top gun #hangman seresin #top gun rooster #top gun hangman #rooster smut #hangman smut #rooster x reader #jake hangman x reader #tgm fanfiction #tgm fic

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blingblong55 · 9 months

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Until I found you-König

GN!Reader, angst, fluff

Oh, let me hold you I'll never let you go again like I did

Your relationship with König was more than amazing, he always looked forward to coming home to you. But as the missions started to pile up for him, the more he saw himself losing hope to come home safe or alive. He couldn't and wouldn't be the reason why you were sad if he were to die, so he thought that maybe if he broke up with you before one of the toughest missions he's been on, surely you'd be able to move on without him in the world.

The day that he broke up with you was nothing but painful, you were sad but also mad at him. His reasoning was not clear and all you could think about was that maybe there was someone else for him and he just didn't want you to know that. Were you not enough? Was there something wrong with the way you loved him? He definitely knew you loved him with every fibre of your being but you didn't think he was fully aware of how much love you have for him. There was a deeper reason for this, not just because he thought I'd be mean of him to leave you alone and in despair.

Two months ago he was closer to death than ever before. A bullet passed through his shoulder, it was by pure luck he never got hit. That was when reality set in for him. He can't just leave you like that. Stupid excuse for such a valid reason. And now, as he walks into the flat you two called home, your stuff is gone and the home feels colder. The colours and comfort the place brought him once, are now gone with you.

Reality set in. He let the one good thing he had in this miserable world go. If only he was as smart in love as he is on the field. What a shame. König now sits on the sofa that you two once cuddled in after he came home. What a fool was he to think he'd have you for years to come. He used to think he was at risk of getting hurt only to be the one who brought such pain to a wonderful and kind person. Couldn't he be more kind to your heart and feelings? Memories flush through, the night he got news his Oma died, you were there. Holding him close he silently cried for her. You were there the day his mum was in the hospital, calming him down, making tea and visiting his mum every week after the incident. You made sure to clean her face after every meal, made him feel comfort when he felt it was wrong to be weak and you were the one who was there the night he had the worst panic attack due to his PTSD.

Why is he such a fool?

He saw you at the park, reading a book under your favourite tree. He smiles, knowing that at least that part of you has never changed. If he is such a tough and ruthless soldier then why hasn't he gone to you and started to talk? Because he is a coward at love, not war. You laid back, jumper on your back to make the tree bark more comfortable to rest on. He used to be the one you rested on as you read. It was the one thing he loved to do in public. He was Shakespeare and you his Anne. The muse to his love and sonnets.

"Liebe?" he softly says as he finally has the courage to talk and approach you. "König." you sounded surprised. Oh, how he longed to hear your voice and the sweet sound you made when you said his name. Sweet angel, his sweet sweet angel.

Now, four years since he and you rekindled your love, you two now chase your dog around the park because the dog can't let go of the dog bone a little kid threw by accident. You are now his spouse, the one and only for a man like him. Never did he know he could feel so much for one person, yet he is there, loving, protecting and caring for you.

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r0-boat · 3 months

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mother to a werewolf child

Head cannons for my dilf werewolf OC being the father of your kid.

Feat. The cannon ship kid with reader: Forest.

Sfw

Cw: babies, being pregnant, mental health struggles, PTSD, anxiety, hurt/comfort, domestic life in the woods, baby fever, uhh brief non graphic description of birth.

[Author's notes: Forest was created because I thought it would be fun for me to give you a ship kid with my OC. Forest is the only one that's Canon if you ever want to kid. They canonically look like the with reddish hair. so they can be anything you want, and they can be any gender you want too]

Cole is heavily damaged by the trauma that his ex-wife gave him after she had kids with him, so for some reason, the Deep anxiety is telling him that you will soon leave him too. Before his ex left him, when she found out he was a werewolf and he never saw his children again, he cut all contact with her in exchange of her not letting out his secret to everyone she knows.

He wanted to have a child with you. All he wanted to be was a father, but now here you are pregnant, and he's having a panic attack. Silently in his wolf form, he whimpered underneath furniture just enough for his big size. When you tried talking to him he almost didn't recognize you snarling and almost biting you but you wouldn't leave your husband and the father of your child alone. You gently stroked his head as the whining slowly stopped. He apologized for the outburst as a man he knows he should be much stronger than this and he also apologizes for almost biting you.

The pregnancy for the werewolf child was rough. You swore it was almost as if you were turning into one yourself, and your cravings for meat only intensified into raw game meat. Cole was happy to provide his instincts once again, tapping into the urge to provide for his hungry spouse with the child in their tummy. Your hormones are out of control, and you're physically weak. This child is sapping all of your strength.

Your husband, before this point, said his favorite thing to do when the chores were completed was sit down on the couch and watch TV with a beer. He stepped up, he vowed to take care of everything, he cleaned the house how you would clean it, he did everything and more. As much as he'd hate it if his side gig for hunting weren't bringing enough to feed you, he would go back and work driving hours to the nearest small town and work any job they would give him.

He has never felt like this before, and honestly, he loves it. The feeling of being relied on always felt oddly comforting to him. Maybe that's just his werewolf instincts he'd never know. It was tiring. But it was all worth it seeing your smiling face as you finally try to muster your strength to get out of bed. This inhuman child demanded so much of your energy. The person who gave you that beautiful demon spawn was at your beck and call. Cole, in the future, what, annoyingly uses this as an example of what masculinity should be. Men give it their all to take care of their wives.

One night, two crooks broke into your house, and before they could do anything, once they found you helplessly on your shared bed, your husband found you. In danger and potential, Danger got flashbacks to how his ex found him as a werewolf protecting her, and he lost it. He could have killed them that night if it weren't for him holding himself back as the Intruders ran shit scared. He held you tightly, his hand, your stomach, calming himself down. " so what's that like?" You ask. Call scratched his scruffy chin before answering, "It's hard to explain, but it's like having tunnel vision. All I could think about was you being hurt, as if I was in the moment. All I could see was you being hurt and pure anger."

Cole, with nowhere else, put you to deliver the child. He had to call a person who knew how to do it his mother. A werewolf just like him, a kind, gentle red-haired lady. You had met her before and she knew you were the right one and before long you had a wonderful child.

When Cole held his child in his arms, he had flashbacks to win. He had to bust his ass to make sure you were well and fed throughout your pregnancy, and he cried tears of joy. Never once would he forget and regret that day

Forest was... Wild they are intelligent and learn very quickly; however, raising them was like having a little puppy with the intelligence of a human child. However, your dumbass husband was prepared. You had to double-take when you saw the plastic bag with the PetSmart label on it.... it worked... as long as Forest wasn't chewing on the furniture.

Forest in their wolf form looked exactly like their father, albeit with a more brownish-red tint from dad and with one floppy ear.

Cole was beaming with pride he swears it won't be like the last time he'll protect Forest with his life. Cole, we'll teach them everything they know how to find edible plants and hunting. Father and child running through the forest feeling the wind in their fur with you on Cole's back traveling to a small creek to play in the cool water need to go home and fall asleep in Cole's arms snuggling you close, lovingly protectively

#Ro.ocs #oc: cole #monster boyfriend #werewolf oc #werewolf x reader #monster x reader #domestic fluff #baby fever #werewolf #monster fucker #monster boys

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vidavalor · 6 months

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The Devil in Disguise: Some theory-ish ideas on the night of the ball, The Metatron, and Crowley

The Metatron & Saraqael messed with Crowley's mind while he was in Heaven. He comes back unaware that he's missing at least 10 hours that the show spends a lot of time establishing and, more concerningly... he is suddenly incapable of seeing Heaven as an existential threat to Aziraphale.

TW for talk of assault, PTSD.

Good Omens begins talking about time in reference to the night of the ball earlier in the season with Mr. Brown of Brown's World of Carpets in The Dirty Donkey scene. The writers set it up for us, all here's Mr. Brown-- he's going to set up this Whickber Street meeting for 6:30pm on Thursday evening after the shops close. You'll think the reason this is so specific is just a Mr. Brown's personality thing but then, as we get closer to it, at the top of 2.05, we're going to have about 30,000 scenes that do nothing but tell you, over and over and over again, what time this meeting ball starts. The entire purpose of this is for you to realize how much time passes through the night until the final act of 2.06... which we will then establish is happening in the 7am hour of Friday morning, some twelve hours after the meeting/ball began.

We go see Mr. Arnold and he helps us establish that today is Thursday and the meeting is tonight. Then, we visit Mrs. Cheng and she asks what time the meeting starts again, so Aziraphale will say "6:30" and confirm for us that he hasn't changed Mr. Brown's scheduled time. Then, Mutt originally can't go because he's taking his spouse to *dinner* for their anniversary-- this meeting is so early! reminds the scene. Then, Justine can come but she can only stay for a little while because the restaurant "picks up after 7pm." Then, Mrs. Sandwich arrives at the meeting and says basically the same thing as Justine did in the earlier scene-- that she can't stay long because her business is about to pick up. Then, Maggie is closing up her shop when Crowley is dispatched to get her. We now have every single major shopkeeper/trader in a separate scene, each of which reiterates how early this starts-- at 6:30pm on Thursday evening. When Nina gets to the ball, she adds an additional element: she's not fully under Aziraphale's spell so she comments on how everyone is speaking like they "just stepped out of 'Pride & Prejudice'," which is to say that everyone is speaking outside of time.

Nina is telling us that there's something wrong with relation to time but we know what that wrong thing is-- Aziraphale's Jane Austen ball spell. If you add it into the repeated references to time itself, though, you see it's another thing conveying a general feeling of something being way, way, way off about time on the night of the ball that the writers would like us to notice.

Why are we so obsessed with time on this night? What is the purpose of all of this?

To help you see that we are missing almost the entire night and that Crowley was in Heaven the entire time... and that there are some things that are really, really wrong with him when he comes back.

When we get into 2.06 and to the next morning, time is referenced again to help us see this. Crowley returns and it's surprisingly daylight, when it had been only a few hours past 6:30pm at best when he left for Heaven, right? In the morning, he takes Maggie & Nina outside to save them from Saraqael and both women comment on the time. We're talking about time again, as it's that important. Maggie says she's exhausted from being awake all night. Nina, crucially, says that her shop should have opened "a half an hour ago." Nina sells coffee so her shop likely opens at 6:30 or 7am, so it's 7 or 7:30am on Friday morning when the final act of 2.06 is happening.

That means that it's *at least* ten hours after Crowley went to Heaven but while he knows what time it is the next morning, he does not appear to know he's missing time. While Aziraphale is with The Metatron, Crowley will even look at his watch-- another reference to time passing-- and still not have this realization. The morning sun streams through the windows of the unclosed blinds, in a reverse parallel to 2.01, when Aziraphale closed the blinds after bringing Crowley into the bookshop, making it more comfortable for Crowley, who here seems to be aware that it's morning but unaffected by the bright sun; the show using the set and costumes to help illustrate this for us.

Because Crowley arrived with the angels and the group scene in the bookshop happened right after it, he and Aziraphale have not had a moment alone to speak yet. They actually won't get one before S2 is out because the bookshop is burned. In S1, it literally burned. In S2, it's burned, in the spy sense of the word-- everyone can get into it now so it's no longer a safe place to talk, which Crowley also seems to fail to fully recognize, which is partly because he fails to see Heaven as a danger to anyone but humanity, which we'll get to in a second. Aziraphale didn't say what he wanted to when Crowley first returned in the morning because he saw the angels, so he stops at "you came back", but he really has spent the entire prior night not knowing where Crowley was.

When The Metatron likely came on the Heavenly Zoom after Aziraphale stopped discorporating demons with it-- hinted at in Aziraphale and The Metatron's first interaction in the morning-- Aziraphale told The Metatron to go pound sand, which The Metatron figured he would. Not a lot of people want to spend more time with the leader of an organization that tried to kill them. We know Crowley isn't mentioned at this time because using Crowley as a tactic is new in the morning when Aziraphale talks with The Metatron at Marguerite's but Aziraphale told The Metatron he wouldn't go up to Heaven when they first spoke during the time we're missing. That much we already know.

So, Aziraphale then spent the night in a semi-panic because he might have started a war and he told The Metatron where he could stick it, which is kind of like trying to tell Putin you're quitting your job in the Russian Defense Ministry and could easily wind up with your ass tossed out a window but, most frightening to Aziraphale... Crowley hadn't come back.

Hours go by and no Crowley.

It's 1827 all over again. One minute, he's flirting with Crowley and the next minute, Crowley's gone from him in an instant. Crowley wouldn't do this willingly. They've talked about it. Crowley will tell him where he is now, all the time. He's working on not taking off when his PTSD is triggered. Aziraphale went to the spot he was taken in Edinburgh for the first time just the other day and called him from it to hear his voice and work on getting past it. Does Crowley still have to leave to some extent every damn day because he's not just living in the bookshop? Yes. Is even that a lot for Aziraphale at this point? Yes. Does Crowley know all of this? Yes. He makes it a point to tell Aziraphale that he'll get the humans out and then come back and that he won't leave Aziraphale on his own. Aziraphale believes him because he knows Crowley has no wish to hurt him and that is true. So, when Crowley doesn't come back all night, Aziraphale is panicked that something's happened to him.

He is correct that something has but neither of them ever get a moment to sort it out before S2 ends.

Look at the way Aziraphale reaches for Crowley when Crowley saves Maggie & Nina from Saraqael. He can't stop him because he doesn't want the shop lesbians turned into pillars of salt but he reaches for Crowley, like he just wants him to stay put for a moment, because this is exactly what happened ten hours or so ago now all over again-- Crowley left the bookshop to get the humans to safety and he didn't come back right away and Aziraphale was panic-stricken. He since hasn't even had a moment alone with him or the opportunity to ask him if he's alright.

This angel needs all these people out of his bookshop so he can find out what the fuck happened to Crowley all night. He still thinks, at this point, that if they can sort out these issues about the war and Gabriel, that this can happen and then everyone will go and he can be alone with Crowley. He can check on him and tell him what happened with The Metatron while he was gone and they can make a plan together, as opposed to the plan Aziraphale's had to make on his own. The Metatron has not yet appeared to change this, so Aziraphale is fine with Crowley sharing what he's found out about Gabriel and sorting everything out, in the hopes that then everyone will then leave them be for awhile.

When Crowley first arrived back in the bookshop and acted as if nothing was wrong, Aziraphale saw the angels behind him and he and Crowley aren't used to being open with one another in front of Heaven. They don't trust them. Gabriel, they've gotten used to but also Gabriel's proven himself kind of lovable, and he's one of them now. Michael, Uriel and Saraqael are not. So, Aziraphale didn't get into any of it with Crowley in that moment. He didn't say where were you? are you alright?, didn't hug him, etc.. The timing of all of this is by design on the part of The Metatron. If Crowley & Aziraphale don't have any time alone, they don't have any time to plan. If they don't have any time to make a plan, they're less trouble and easier to divide. That's why Crowley is sent back with the angels in tow.

Crowley's purpose in The Metatron's plan to get Aziraphale (and to destroy both of them, in the long run) is to unintentionally help The Metatron get Aziraphale to trust him. The way The Metatron does this is two-fold. The first bit is to have Crowley in Heaven and then send him back, (seemingly) fine, making Aziraphale think that if Crowley survived a trip to Heaven that they won't harm him in the future. The second bit is to send Crowley back with the information needed to solve the Gabriel mystery at the same time as Beez has been sent up to check on the results of the attack on the bookshop, which facilitates the revelation to Aziraphale of Ineffable Bureaucracy. The Metatron lets Gabe and Beez run off for exactly as long as it takes to get Aziraphale into the elevator-- all to make it look like Heaven has changed and provide Aziraphale with what he thinks is proof that he and Crowley would be allowed to be together in Heaven.

Note how Crowley says that what happened to Gabriel is that the angels want him back "so they can fire him" which, honestly, really already happened. Crowley watched the video we did but he doesn't remember it the way we do. He doesn't remember that The Metatron and Saraqael were trying to take Gabriel's memories and that Michael was complicit in it. These are all *extremely important* things that could have been shared with Aziraphale and the others but that Crowley seems to have forgotten that he saw.

Also note how The Metatron chooses not to appear in the bookshop until after Gabriel and the demons have left. By the time The Metatron appears, there's only Crowley (who is influenced by him) and angels who will do what he tells them to, and Aziraphale. Also note, though, that Gabriel gets his memories back... but doesn't seem to recall who now?

Super funny how Gabriel doesn't remember the angel that is important enough to have been at the big meetings-- and so, that he should have seen every few days for millennia lol-- and *that same angel* is the one who both has the canonical ability to take memories and is the one who recognized/is in league with The Metatron. Almost as if Gabriel got his memories back via Beez's fly and Saraqael instantly zapped his memory of them and of what happened to him so that he wouldn't be like hey, it's you guys... who totally obeyed The Metatron when he made me into a fallen angel and tried to take my memories from me. Aziraphale, don't trust these motherfuckers. They'll totally try to kill you and Crowley.

Almost as if Saraqael *is only there in the first place* to control Gabriel and Crowley's memories to facilitate what happens in the bookshop and keep it under control in the way that they and The Metatron want it to go. The Metatron, in all likelihood, is the one who cast all the demons to Hell, and Crowley is the only demon of the main group of them here who actually has memory issues so imagine what would have happened if The Metatron had rolled in when everyone was still there in the group scene. Gabriel would have been furious about what The Metatron did to him and said so... and Beez and the other demons would recognize The Metatron as the one who made them fall. Crowley would believe Beez, even if he couldn't remember it. Gabriel would go into Protector!Mode-- forget what The Metatron did to him, he's incensed over what he did to his love Beez and his new friend Crowley and, Gabriel supposes, those other demon guys over there, too lol. The demons start going from calling for Beez and Gabe's heads to joining up with them against The Metatron. Aziraphale would try to kill The Metatron if he knew all of that, forget getting into that elevator with him lol, so Ineffable Bureaucracy are allowed to escape-- for a little while, they're in a ton of danger after S2-- because that also helps The Metatron try to get Aziraphale to trust him, rather than starts a revolution. The Metatron only shows up after Dagon, Furfur and Shax leave, too, which further the suspicions that he's harmed them in the past and they wouldn't be too happy to see him.

So let's go back to what's wrong with Crowley...

Crowley, pre-trip to Heaven:

believes Beez about The Book of Life; growls at Gabriel that Aziraphale is "risking his entire existence" to help him and threatens him if anything happens to Aziraphale; not only remembers Heaven trying to kill them but brings it up to Gabriel in what is also a reminder of that to the audience; objected originally to Aziraphale taking care of Gabriel because of him trying to kill them and then has an anxiety attack over Gabriel in his house for basically most of the season; follows Aziraphale around Whickber Street after Shax starts sniffing around the bookshop; turns himself in to Muriel to work with Heaven as an informant without a second thought to protect Aziraphale, the bookshop, Maggie, Nina and Gabriel.

Crowley in Heaven:

promptly forgets the moment he gets off the elevator that his plan is that he is there to get the angels to protect the bookshop embassy, by appealing to their need to not be shown up by the demons; walks right by Michael & Uriel-- the archangels whose help he came up here to seek-- and continues to Muriel's office; becomes obsessed with finding out what happened to Gabriel; is spotted by Michael-- the smartest of the angels and the most suspicious, who is nominally in charge but for The Metatron-- and nothing comes of it, hinting that Michael might have been intercepted by The Metatron/Saraqael and roped into part of the plan (which also goes along with Michael and Uriel being sent with Crowley, Muriel and Saraqael back to the bookshop later on); is allowed into the files with permission from Saraqael, who is the only angel who recognizes The Metatron the next morning in the bookshop & is standing in for Sandalphon in some parts of the plot, according to Gaiman (Sandalphon & The Metatron are tight in Bible lore); Saraqael is the angel who was tasked with taking Gabriel's memories and they're the one Crowley is with most of his time in Heaven... the other angel being Muriel, whose own memories are suggested in a few scene to have been taken at some point; Crowley's memories issues are brought up again when he fails to recognize Saraqael; Crowley looks weirdly dazed while watching the Gabriel video; Saraqael is in league with The Metatron but both of them come off as the villains they are in the video they *want* Crowley to watch... but Crowley doesn't seem to remember that bit of what he saw afterwards; Crowley doesn't react to Saraqael trying to attack Gabriel after he finishes watching the video and, as we'll see, he doesn't seem to retain the same impression of the video that we do; Crowley tells Saraqael to come with him and Muriel back to the bookshop, despite having just watched a video in which they tried to take Gabriel's memories... meaning, that he fails to recognize Saraqael as a threat to himself, Gabriel and Aziraphale, and almost seems to tell Saraqael to come with him because Saraqael has influenced him to do so.

Crowley, post-trip to Heaven:

sits in a chair, listless, staring into space while Michael yells at Aziraphale that they will erase him from existence via The Book of Life (doesn't matter if this is real or if Michael can do it or not-- Crowley believed it was real pre-trip to Heaven and he'd protect Aziraphale from a piece of dust so why is he just sitting there); fails to tell Aziraphale that Gabriel is a fallen angel and that The Metatron ordered his identity stolen; fails to tell Aziraphale that Saraqael was trying to take Gabriel's memories on order of The Metatron before Gabriel outsmarted them while running to escape them and that Michael was complicit in all of it; recognizes that Heaven/Hell is toxic and a threat to *humanity*-- "when Heaven ends life on Earth, it'll just be as dead as if Hell ended it" and saving Maggie & Nina from Saraqael-- but fails to see that they are a threat to *Aziraphale*; goes a bit blank and stares at nothing, half-in/half-out of what is happening around him, when the conversation is about lost memories or The Book of Life; is staring into space at nothing on the floor when discussion is happening about lost memories-- Gabriel's-- until Aziraphale touches his arm... then, he looks up, still a little expressionless, and reacts to Ineffable Bureaucracy by offering them Alpha Centauri and talking about it in a way that makes it sound like an island he always meant to visit and not the option he always throws out to Aziraphale in a Defcon 1-level panic... Alpha Centauri isn't a trip to the Caymans to Crowley, it's this lol:

We can chitty chitty bang bang The Bentley to the stars, angel, I'm freaking out and out of ideas please send help!...meaning that, in the 2.06 group scene in the bookshop, he isn't telling Gabe and Beez to run, he's just offering them an idea of a place to go to if they're leaving... meaning, he fails to think they're in any danger and this is the same being who just watched a video last night in which The Metatron tried to attack Gabriel; and that's not even the worst of it... this is...

Go on. Day can't get any weirder... Crowley fails to see that Aziraphale does not want to go anywhere alone with The Metatron and is looking at him to come with them... instead, Crowley reacts like Aziraphale is asking if he'd mind if he goes and has a weird, unplanned coffee with his exhausting, bigoted dad and then he'll come back and spend the day with him; Crowley tells Aziraphale to go with The Metatron and just sits there in the damn chair while they walk out the door... this is *Crowley*, you guys. The same being that just spent a week trying to see if he could get Xanax to work for demons because of all the Heaven circling his bookshop safe space... the same being who got the heebie-jeebies over Shax and a bunch of junior demons at 6:30pm the night before... but now he's all no problem, honey, hope it goes well, I'll be here lounging in your chair, waiting for you to come back when *The Metatron* shows up and wants Aziraphale to go somewhere with him alone... This is also, of course, the moment that The Metatron gets the big villain music in the score-- right as he looks at Crowley, whom he's been monitoring like a hawk since he showed up; fails to recognize danger to Aziraphale so much that he just *stays in the bookshop* the whole time Aziraphale is with The Metatron-- doesn't follow them, even, or anything... he has no plans but for boozy breakfast (which is another indicator of him knowing that it's morning but not realizing he's missing time) and he completely believes that Aziraphale is in no danger at all and will return any moment, even as he gets anxious about how long it's taking; fails to mention the most obvious argument in the world for why Aziraphale shouldn't go to Heaven-- that they tried to murder them-- and so can never be trusted; fails again during the proposal to tell Aziraphale not to trust The Metatron because of what he just did to Gabriel on Monday and today is Friday morning and it's doubtful he just redeemed himself in a week lol... why did they have us see Crowley see the video but then *not* have him tell Aziraphale about it and ask that if that's what they were trying to do to Gabriel-- who had the political benefit of not being killed or sent directly to Hell because it would look like an institutional problem-- what does Aziraphale think that The Metatron would do to him, when he doesn't have any of the protections of Gabriel's old position?... this is *information that could save Aziraphale's life* and Crowley saw it with us but he doesn't seem to remember that he did because if he *did* remember that he did, he surely would tell Aziraphale because he loves Aziraphale and doesn't want anything to happen to him. He absolutely would have tried this argument if he remembered any of this from the video... but he also doesn't remember that Gabriel was already "fired" or that The Metatron and Saraqael and Michael are all a threat to Aziraphale... because he's been made to not remember that; finally, he never brings up something he believes in that he fears-- The Book of Life-- during the "no nightingales" conversation, even though it just came up when the angels were in the bookshop... but Crowley honestly might not even remember that it did, based on how out of it he was during that moment between Michael and Aziraphale.

Because Crowley can't recognize that he's missing time and that Heaven is an existential threat to Aziraphale and because Aziraphale feels like they can't talk alone without it being at least somewhat coded because the bookshop has been burned, they are each missing a huge part of what the other is trying to say and this results in the "no nightingales" disaster. Aziraphale knows he's in danger with The Metatron but Crowley's been programmed during the night to not recognize The Metatron, The Book of Life or Heaven in general as threats to Aziraphale. As a result, he can't understand that Aziraphale is trying to signal to him that he's made a plan and he needs Crowley to use their way of understanding each other and to follow his lead on it. Crowley, if he hadn't been harmed the night before, would have been able to see this and help Aziraphale. Aziraphale, for his part, fails to see that something's happened to Crowley and that's not terribly new for them, sadly, because so much has already happened to Crowley and Aziraphale is so sensitive to it that he doesn't think that Crowley's responses are the result of new trauma, just his already pre-existing trauma.

Even the prior night, Aziraphale downplayed Crowley's anxiety during the ball as just being his usual brand of anxiety amped up by the fact that they were trying something riskier and more public... until the brick got thrown through the window. He knows that Crowley has PTSD. One of the sweetest scenes in the series actually begins because of Aziraphale seeing Crowley slipping into a bit of PTSD fugue and pulling him out of it. Not uncoincidentally? It's from the other season finale. It's from the nightingales finale, as opposed to the no nightingales finale. It's this:

That scene actually begins with Crowley staring down at nothing in front of him, lost in thought, until Aziraphale gently brings him out of it and into the present moment. Because Crowley does this when they've been through an ordeal that's triggered things for him, Aziraphale is used to seeing it, so he doesn't recognize it in 2.06 as anything other than one of Crowley's default trauma responses. Because Crowley has only been influenced by The Metatron/Saraqael on specific things relating to threats to time and Aziraphale, he's otherwise alright and responding normally to other things, which fools Aziraphale into thinking that nothing happened to him... which is part of The Metatron's plan. He wants Aziraphale to think that Crowley is fine so that when they fail to communicate, he'll be so angry with/heartbroken over Crowley that he'll walk away from him and more easily get into the elevator.

Last time we saw a character on GO periodically sit in a chair this non-responsive, it was actually Gabriel occasionally fugue-ing out during his memory loss Jim era just an episode or so previously and Crowley's memory issues are paralleled with Gabriel's all season. Gabriel would space out when being overtaken by an outside force, which is what is kind of like what is happening with Crowley. Not possession like with Gabriel or God but his mind has been messed around with. Ironically, Crowley is the only one Aziraphale doesn't try to influence during the ball. While Aziraphale's actions during the ball are a whole other meta when it comes to just how fucked up all of that was, really... he left Crowley out of it. Part of it is that he doesn't have to love spell Crowley lol and that influencing him at all would have defeated the point of the ball in Aziraphale's mind but he also doesn't because he'd never do anything without Crowley's consent. He wouldn't anyway but he's extra-mindful of it because he knows Crowley has been through situations where his control over himself was taken from him and how that's affected him. Then, Crowley leaves the ball to help the humans and go to Heaven for help for Aziraphale and wound up kidnapped up there for 10 or so hours and suffering that same kind of non-consensual attack again.

Only other time Crowley is as periodically quiet and still, staring down at nothing and looking that forlorn, as he is in moments of 2.06? 1862. I'm not suggesting the exact same thing happened to him after 1827 when he was in Hell but I am suggesting the trauma response is the same and it's all over the bookshop scenes in 2.06 after he comes back from Heaven. He's literally standing like as tense and straight with his eyes lowered and speaking quietly as he did in 1862 in parts of 2.06, like before Aziraphale touches his arm when Gabriel and Beezlebub hold hands.

Crowley's had relevant memories taken by Saraqael and The Metatron to control him, so he spaces out when the conversation conflicts with what he's been influenced not to recognize as dangerous-- The Book of Life, the topic of lost memories/missing memories (he zones completely out of talk of Gabriel's lost memories once he gives everyone the means to figure it out)... most importantly, any moment that The Metatron and Saraqael and Michael and Heaven in general are threatening towards Aziraphale. He lets Michael threaten Aziraphale with non-existence. He lets Saraqael into the bookshop after knowing what they did to Gabriel because they've skewed what he thinks he saw on the video. He lets Aziraphale go with The Metatron without recognizing any danger to him at all.

This is intentional on the part of our villains here. They want to drive a wedge between them to get Aziraphale into the elevator. They've just influenced Crowley to not see them as a threat to Aziraphale but not much more than that so that he's otherwise normal-seeming in behavior. He remembers what happened at the ball enough that he snaps Mr. Brown back and asks what Aziraphale did to Shax. This is why The Metatron is watching Crowley like a hawk. He looks at him suspiciously when he retains enough control and empathy for humans-- sending Mr. Brown, Maggie and Nina to safety-- but he hears the women talk about time and realizes that Crowley doesn't respond, so the influence is working. He tests Crowley when he arrives to see if the influence is working in the what about you, demon? Do you know who I am? moment.

This is the reason why none of the other angels but for Saraqael recognize The Metatron, even if he doesn't look *that* different with a body. Saraqael messed with all of their minds to make it so that they don't for a few moments, specifically to give The Metatron an opportunity to test Crowley and be sure it's all still working.

(The saving Mr. Brown thing is especially heart-breaking because what do we learn about Mr. Brown's experience last night from what he says to Mutt? He can't remember where he was or what happened to him. It's a parallel to Crowley and another hint at it from the writers but is less horrifying because Mr. Brown's lack of memory might not be his choice but taking it from him was done out of empathy. PTSD-laden Crowley did that for him while under this influence. He made the call that Mr. Carpet didn't need to go through the trauma of remembering being attacked by the demons and snapped him into line for coffee-- symbolic freedom-- at Nina's, like it was another normal day for him. Meanwhile, Crowley can't remember what happened to himself last night for totally different reasons and doesn't even fully realize it yet.)

In S1, Aziraphale opens up the portal to Heaven and gets accidentally discorporated-- loses his body-- and the bookshop burns down. In S2, Aziraphale opens up the portal to Heaven, the bookshop is burnt as a safe house, and Crowley's mind is what is harmed by Heaven.

Because Crowley seems to be otherwise fine, Aziraphale doesn't think anything is more wrong than the usual amount of wrong and because The Metatron is breathing down their necks the whole time, Aziraphale never just says what happened to you last night? which would have changed everything because either it would have broken the hold they have over Crowley enough for him to remember that they have one or Aziraphale would have been standing there, horrified, as Crowley seemed confused by the idea that he was gone all night. Aziraphale doesn't ask because he knows something is wrong but everything is wrong at that moment and they can't get away from The Metatron enough to speak freely. Aziraphale is trying to convey a kind of plan (which seems to be 1941 and playing them for suckers) and begging Crowley to realize that he's terrified and trapped and needs him to help him but Crowley is incapable of fully recognizing that because he doesn't see Heaven as a threat to Aziraphale anymore, thanks to The Metatron. He just sees Heaven as a threat to their relationship and so starts to try to get Aziraphale to stay with him.

The worst part of this is that while it becomes a total fucking disaster in the bookshop, the very end of it is different. There's Crowley, staying by The Bentley, not leaving. It's not even that he wants Aziraphale to come to him instead of The Metatron so much as it's just him knowing he left the bookshop and he been working on not leaving. He wants Aziraphale to see he left the argument but not him. He doesn't know how this all works if Aziraphale goes to Heaven and he's still thinking of it in terms of 'if Aziraphale takes this job he's been offered by The Metatron' and not 'Aziraphale is about to be harmed by The Metatron' because of the influence... but he's not leaving. He promised Aziraphale he wouldn't leave him on his own, so he's sending a message that he won't. He just thinks that they're still going to have a relationship to work on because he thinks Aziraphale is about to become the Supreme Archangel of Heaven when, in reality, Aziraphale just walked into an elevator of death here. (He'll be fine in the long run. They'll bring him back. But I'm pretty sure nothing good is happening to Aziraphale in the short term.)

They eluded being forced into killing themselves in S1 by working together; they are separated and made to help one another's death in S2. Crowley influenced to watching helplessly as Aziraphale is taken from him is also, by design, an attempt at killing Crowley. They know he wouldn't want to live without Aziraphale. They're not as strong, not as much of a threat, apart as they are together.

Meanwhile, Aziraphale has no idea what just happened but it's a mess and it's one he's not sure he'll ever get to resolve because he just overheard The Metatron talking about The Second Coming and now he suspects he might not be safe but he also doesn't have a choice but to get into the elevator and he's doing it alone. He gets The Bentley to play Crowley "A Nightingale Sang in Berkeley Square" as an I love you and a response to Crowley saying "no nightingales" in the bookshop. It's a refusal to say they're done. There actually isn't an ineffable divorce. There's them each fucking it all up and then trying to apologize from across Whickber Street with The Metatron lurking around and they manage to but...

...what do you think happens when something happens to make Crowley realize what happened to him the night he spent in Heaven and what's wrong with him? He's going to feel like he killed Aziraphale. He's going to feel like he shot The Bullet Catch gun and didn't miss. Don't think The Metatron doesn't know it. Because what is Round Two? It's Crowley's "all of us versus all of them" from the end of S1. Why is Hell so understaffed in S2? Because most of the demons are getting into place for The Second Coming. It's Heaven and Hell (who still hate each other but are aligned) versus humanity. S2 has a focus on times Heaven and Hell have worked in tandem-- like with Job-- and then has them all in the bookshop at the end. It has Crowley bonding with Gabriel and Beez being kind to Aziraphale. It blends Heaven & Hell into the singular, corrupt system that it always has been and takes Crowley & Aziraphale's "our side" and starts adding to it. Beez and Gabriel are on their side now. Muriel and others will follow. But as they're doing all of this and as they're centering The Second Coming and The Metatron, you know whose presence was briefly mentioned but was otherwise suspiciously absent from S2?

Lucifer.

God made an appearance and not even just in flashback. It's God speaking through Gabriel earlier in the season, telling Crowley and Aziraphale to remember Job.

Where's Satan, though?

We've only noticed The Metatron, not that he and Satan are now, for awhile at least, on the same side, and Satan was not happy about S1. I don't think we should ignore the only references to Satan in S2--the quick lines they gave Shax and Dagon in the bookshop scene, wherein Shax said that they should give Gabriel and Beez to their master, Satan, and Dagon said that Satan wouldn't want them, except maybe "as hors d'oeurves." Ignoring for a moment how absolutely fucking horrifying a line that is on a show that codes sex as food this much, consider that Dagon just literally said that Lucifer/Satan would consider Gabe and Beez secondary-- just appetizers-- to a main course. Who is the main course?

Who else but Crowley & Aziraphale?

Do you really think that even if they held back on the Benedict Cumberbatch this round that Lucifer/Satan took the whole season off and had nothing to do with the end game of S2? The Lucifer/Satan who lost his antichrist kid in S1 and his armageddon in S1 because of Crowley and Aziraphale? The Lucifer who is very disturbingly obsessed with Crowley? The Lucifer who is now teamed up with Heaven for The Second Coming and so who might have actually been Upstairs himself when Crowley was the night of the ball-- or, at least, suggested what Saraqael and The Metatron did to Crowley? Because it's actually where we first saw this kind of thing in the plot, remember? Here are your instructions...

#ineffable husbands #good omens #good omens 2 #crowley #aziraphale #good omens meta #good omens theory #aziracrow #good omens speculation #good omens analysis #good omens s2

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