feels a little depressing how unwelcoming the selfshipping community has become to proshippers and profic people. Like, i don’t even wanna go into the selfship tag anymore because I know a good chunk of the selfship posts are gonna have a dni at the bottom insulting me and wishing death or harm on me in someway just because I’m profiction. And don’t get me wrong, I know the proselfship and proship selfship tags exist but still, it just kinda sucks the fun out of selfshipping for me.

perks of being a LAL (long-awaited lesbian), 1 of ?

1. grade-A communicators. four words: we can comprehend Chads. when the bar’s been set at the bottom of the barrel, imagine how much a LAL is going to appreciate- if not dissolve into tears at your feet- over what you think are your just-OK communication skills.

2. planning skills. we (read: I) plan for every possible outcome because we're used to being the ones left dealing with it. no idea what to get your mom? we started a list months ago. forgot about that doctor's appointment? it's already on the Google calendar; sending you an invite now.

3. near-endless patience. I could wax poetic but, again: Chads.

4. affinity for and/or ability to use power tools. a unique skill most common among LALs who have lived with straight men. there's no better motivation to learn how to do shit yourself than living in what feels like a never-ending construction zone of unfinished projects.

please RB w/ your own additions!

**disclaimer: not all straight men; all in good fun, etc., etc.**

Was gonna make this a fictive culture is post to queue but then decided I wanted to make a long thing tw: anti endo mention

Sometimes fictive culture or even just Introject culture is something negative happening related to the source and headmates not showing up till after the bad feeling subside by time

By this I mean that and I don't talk about this often but when we first realized we were a system we were eventually presented with telling our friends, sure there is always the option of not telling they aren't owed that information but for better or worse we hate being friends with people that don't know? We hate hiding ourselves and not being able to be friends with people as individuals rather than a collective. We were horrified and while it went well for the most part, the system I already knew was thankfully supportive of endos and another friend even shot back with a same! There was one friend that wasn't supportive a singlet that was firmly anti endo and one of my best friends at the time. We met on a kin server both being tf2 kin though after realizing we were a system those tf2 kins were for sure not kins. We were both huge fans and would create things for each other fanart, writing. It hurt a lot losing them and even if we didn't have solid proof we knew we had tf2 headmates could feel them even if we couldn't interact with them. It's been nearly two years since then, and they fronted for the first time since learning we were a system in September of last year just a few months ago and we were ecstatic. Just felt like a sign we were healing and we were getting truly comfortable in our shared reality and it felt so nice knowing they weren't trapped any longer we have names and faces to people we couldn't reach for so long and it makes us genuinely so happy to see them on our sp and see their chat messages we can also look at tf2 content without being sad anymore? We can enjoy something we lost for a really long time and I don't know I just wanted to share that with y'all? Things hurt but it lessens over time, if you lost a joy you may be able to enjoy it again one day, if you are worried about a headmate they may return to you one day, if you are that headmate from a source the body has bad memories of know that you will still be missed that you are still wanted and your sysmates will smile and cry and hug you if you returned from disappearing. Sometimes we still miss them, especially one of our tf2 crewmates but we are all much happier knowing they aren't in our life and we aren't trying to fit into their box of what is and isn't okay. Even if we did end up being mostly traumagenic traumaendo the endo part is still so important to us and we and all of you deserve people that accept and love those parts of you too.

omg what happened with the Snape fans?

mm. man. okay here we go 😭

so i made a post last year that was kind of poking fun at how snape fans ‘baby’ snape. which is not in the stereotypical sense where they characterise him as someone submissive or meek, but in the way where they destroy any nuance to his character and characterise him as a martyr or a hero in the face of the “terrorising, popular bullies” or what have you. which totally gets rid of the point of him— showing how lonely and bitter boys can be taken advantage of by redpill rhetoric and lose the things they cared for the most. its funny because snape fans will bitch and moan about marauders fans who do the exact same thing.

i didnt word it like this, i worded it as a sort of snarky joke at them. i had like 60 followers at the time. i didnt think it would get much traction at all bcuz i had criticised the marauders fandom MUCH more at that point and hadnt gotten any flack for it on tumblr so i assumed it would be the same for “the snapedom” or whatever cringe name they go by.

i got called a bitch, idiotic, stupid. they were pulling old posts i made of silly headcanons about the marauders and reblogging my post saying i was just another delluded marauder fan who just hates snape and reads too much atyd. which is SO funny because i have never read a marauders fic but i have tried to read snape-centric fics and most of them i had to drop because of the lily-bashing in it. and multiple of them tried to gaslight me in reblogs and the notes and tell me that snape fans were not like that AS THEY WERE LITERALLY PROVING MY POINT. they were saying “its so clear you havent met a snape apologist and just want to bash us” like ??? they had a serious case of victim complex and it suddenly made sense to me why they characterise snape the way they do. someone said i was trying too hard to be “not like the other girls” for criticising both snape and marauders fans, and when i proceeded to block them they made a pinned post about me thats still pinned on their blog 💀

when i tell you these people were like a hornets nest. i used to feel bad for them for the flack they get for simply liking a character— but after that i was so done trying to defend them. i remember at the time i had a more detailed criticism of snape i was going to post but after that i was too scared bcuz if they reacted like that when i never even insulted snape, i knew i was going to be absolutely cooked if i decided to actually say something of value.

and that was just from one post. there have been others who have tried to convince me things about the marauders characters that are simply not true. like james sexually harassing lily into dating and marrying him, or how sirius and remus are terrible for wanting to kill peter pettigrew themselves instead of sending dementors to him. such stupid ‘arguments’, if you can even call them that.

theyre like delusional james potter fans, which is hilariously ironic. both claim to hate the other for doing the exact same things they do.

A while back I saw sm1 saying tsukasa expresses emotions like it’s his first time experiencing them & while it’s very funny and true I think it’s also worth noting that unlike tv/movie actors, stage actors have to really exaggerate their body language/expressions so that their emotions are readable for everyone in the theatre. On screen you can easily pick up the micro expressions on an actor’s face because you’re like 5 ft away at most and the camera often zooms in on their face. From the back of the theatre you can’t read subtle expressions so the actors need to over emphasize and use their whole body. All this to say: given that u cannot take the theatre kid out of tsukasa I feel like his acting just bled into how he expresses his emotions.

Emu also does the body language thing but it’s harder to tell as she’s normally expressing a smaller range of emotions than tsukasa (she’s naturally joyous and whimsical creature & tsukasa is usually given ample reasons to express annoyance). I think that’s more of a result of her exaggerating her happiness so that other people are also happy rather than an acting thing though. Gestures at her refusing to show negative emotions. Entertainer/clown (actual clowns, not the insult) vs stage actor. Really good examples of them doing this is the clip of rui imitating tsukasa & the clip of nene imitating emu.

Do you like HoV/Hua? Dat chokehold…

if you talk about that one CG in chapter 9, that's not even a chokehold she straight up holds her only by her head/hair

and if you crop the image and cut it out of context it looks as if hov was giving fu hua a mighty headpat blessed by the queen of honkai herself

may all the birbs be blessed

terfs go climb into a hole and start rotting. animals cannot inherently tell your "biological sex" you are all so fucking stupid. All this post is saying is that animals are not infallible judges of character and some of them make really stupid vibe checks and that people should try not to take it personally. Unless youre a terf in which case they know and they hate you and you should take it personally

re that one post tbh i do want to stress i dont think animals are like magically psychic at knowing your True Gender tbh i think ppl definitely get way too weird about Animal's judgement of ppl.

Sometimes a dog will vibe check a man and the dog will be right and you should listen. but sometimes the dog will vibe check someone for no good reason. sometimes dogs have wack judgement. sometimes dogs have biases influenced by their owners or previous owners. like. there are Racist Dogs. its not the dogs fault, but that doesnt make the bias theyve developed less real, or less potentially hurtful. i dont think we need to like, Cancel Dogs Bc Sometimes Ppl Can Train Them To Be Racist, but we do need to stop perpetuating the idea that a dog's judgement of someone is infallible. theyre not responsible for it and its not their fault its developed, theyre just dogs, they didnt choose it, but that doesnt mean theyre RIGHT lmao. i think its important to stress this for many reasons but in regard to that last post specifically, if youve ever been vibe checked as a gender you arent by a judgy dog its literally not your fault. might not even be the owners fault. not the dogs fault cos like. its a fucking dog. you do kinda have to be the bigger person in that scenario cos the other person is. A Dog.

Hello followers of mine who may or may not see this post, my SpongeBob hyperfixation came back a few days ago and I’m this close 👌 to giving in into the urge to reblog all the SpongeBob posts and fanart I missed

Not to be self-satisfied dick but this review of episode 2 of TW feels like a lot of vindication for issues I have with the prequel and what its missing:

And not to double down and be a total bitch but the way the writer keeps pointing out weird character retcons and calling the gang the Scooby hunters or the Scoobies is giving me life

callout posts will truly be like:

and the post they're talking about will be like

and then they'll be like "what do you mean I'm overstating harm?"

phantom of the opera 1/27 notes that got a bit out of hand.

i tried to keep these short and failed utterly and completely. i just kept having more thoughts about it! trio was paul a schaefer phantom, emilie kouatchou christine and bronson norris murphy raoul, and my thoughts on this performance are mainly centered on them

act i

i'd heard both meh things about paul's phantom and great things about bronson's raoul so i went in with my r/c cap on and was prepared to just... not care as much about the phantom this time? i was braced for disappointment with him.

and then... i was NOT disappointed? i really enjoyed his phantom! he really was giving wet cat energy. and i love wet cats.

i found it a super e/c - r/c balanced show imo? one of the most balanced shows i've seen lately. both were compelling dynamics. emilie had great chemistry with both of them and her christine felt like she had real reasons to care for them both.

bronson's raoul is adorable. he's effortlessly confident, in the sort of natural self-assuredness of a rich guy, but he's so well meaning. little lotte was lovely. a little awkward at first as he began that segued into a sense of familiarity. it really felt like a reunion between two childhood sweethearts who aren't certain at first because it's been so long but quickly find themselves back to their old levels of comfort

paul's phantom had some nice gestures. there was a little bit of the thing where he seemed to lose track of his hands (it happens a lot with his raoul) but it happened infrequently, and it didn't feel as unintentional as it does with his raoul? it felt more like his phantom getting caught up in the moment, like he'd imagined this before and thought he was prepare but now that he's actually here with christine he finds himself at risk of getting overwhelmed by the reality of it? it didn't take me out of the moment when it happened and he overall had nice gestures and felt consistently intentional in his movements, both in how he walked around and his gestures.

he tried to catch her when he fainted! he ran to her with such a look of genuine concern and then was very sweet about putting the cape over her. and he brushed a stray curl away from her face after he did that it was sooooo tender. crying.

he was like, crying by the end of stdyi. such a sad, pitiful little "oh, christine." wet cat! wet cat! he also had a really great crawl towards her, it was so sudden and genuinely disconcerting and the desperation and pitifulness were so palpable.

bronson's raoul was having a great time during il muto. you really feel his adoration for christine, and even though she's got a silent role she seemed like she was really having fun as the page boy! god they were so adorable

oh my god nehal joshi is always funny when he brings forward the ballet but he was extra good tonight. as he ran onstage he was saying "dont make me do this" which i've never heard before? someone please help andre he's going through it.

ALL I ASK OF YOU WAS SO SWEET I THINK I HAVE CAVITIES. like i said i went into this show prepared for some good r/c and i was not disappointed whatsoever! he doesn't come across as dismissive of her at all, and why have you brought me here felt more like "i know you're scared but i don't understand and i don't know how to help me, so help me make this make sense so i can help you." it was really good.

THEIR KISS. AAAAAH. he was soo gentle and sweet and then she grabbed his face and pulled him down for a bigger kiss and oh it was adorable. it was such a wonderful aiaoy

AND A VERY SAD AIAOY REPRISE he was crying up there on his angel! he was so pitiable. wet cat in a cardboard box energy.

act 2

i noticed one of the ensemble characters trying to swipe a champagne glass but the tray was empty by that point and the server pulled the tray away almost disdainfully which was a funny little moment, but i was in rear mezz and wasnt using my binoculars at the time so i couldn't recognize who in the ensemble it was

emilie's twisted every way is so good. i feel like it's just so believable that she could be so truly terrified and lost and also not want to betray him or want him dead despite everything. emilie's christine has so much inner turmoil and it makes me feel so much every time.

raoul, your plan is bad but bronson's raoul is so likable and well meaning it's fine.

emilie's wishing was fantastic again (as always!). i love how she'll almost smile a little bit when she's thinking about her father. it's so bittersweet and fond and it makes the song even more painful to me?

she gave this little resolute smile as she was about to leave and seemed like she was at peace and then when she heard the phantom during wandering child her expression was so... longing but sort of crumpled at the same time like, despite everything she still wants to believe but on a logical level she knows she can't. it hurts :(

i was surprised at how still he was in ponr. there wasn't really any self-caressing when she's singing, like. at all?? that surprised me.

phantom.exe has stopped working. he seemed to get more and more tense during her verse, like he didn't know how to react.

idk. new ponr blocking., gestures vaguely. ponr blocking. yknow. shrugs. i never know what to say about ponr.

she smiled a little bit when she pulled his hood off, which was a sharp contrast to the day before where she almost gasped and looked shocked or horrified at seeing ben's phantom? i was trying not to compare phantoms too much but i saw ben twice in a row so it's sometimes easiest to just compare them especially when things are very different.

he was really sad and pleading when he proposed and she looked so shocked? iirc she shook her head a little at him. she looked very sad and a bit deer-in-headlights.

even in the final lair, he wasn't a particularly violent phantom. like i said, i'd just seen ben twice in a row and was used to his very rough way of putting the veil on her and giving her the bouquet, so maybe it was just the contrast between them haha but he was rather careful about adjusting her veil and smoothed out the ribbon of the bouquet before handing it to her and seemed genuinely surprised when she ripped it out of his hands angrily. (what... did u expect??)

paul's phantom was desperate in the sense of a dying man that is desperate for a salvation he knows deep down he won't get. like he needed to believe he could have christine's love, but at his core he also believed he never could have that, that all he could ever have was the darkness and his monstrosity, and he tries to tell himself that he chooses the darkness.

i think there came to be a certain sense of resignation to his phantom during final lair, where as christine gets increasingly more and more angry and upset with him he begins to realize that no matter what he wasn't going to win either, even if she did choose to save raoul by marrying him.

it felt to me like partway through the final lair it slowly began to dawn on paul's phantom that the reason he ever couldn't be happy now was because his actions had gone too far and the things he'd done had made her hate him more than his face ever could, and he doesn't want to do this anymore but he also can't do anything else. he can't just give up though, because he's come too far and what else can he do at this point but play this to the end?

the way she looked at him in "angel of music, you deceived me" she was so hurt but she also was... daring? there was such an intensity to her gaze.

his "you try my patience" was really good. it was so low, and measured and there was this extended pause between that and his "make your choice." it was both scary and simultaneously gave a feeling that he was on the verge of breaking before she even kissed him.

i also feel like... emilie's christine doesn't have this sudden revelation about him during that part. she doesn't realize all of a sudden that his life sucks because she's already known and she's already felt pity for him.

it's more like she's seen all of these different sides to him all along and never could fully understand him or have a full view of him until now? like she was conflicted because she saw both the angel and phantom sides of him, the monster and the man and wasn't ever certain which one was "real" and feared the monster but felt sympathy for the man and was at war within herself bc of these feelings.

and now she's able to see him all completely, and she doesn't just understand him in that moment but also understands her own feelings towards him and make a certain peace with those feelings. it's a moment i really love in emilie's christine.

bronson be making noises in that noose

THREE I LOVE YOUS AT THE RING RETURN

she tried to say something in return but said "i-i" and then got choked with sobs and the rest wasnt coherent but hmmmmm.

there was such a heartbreaking feeling of finality to his repeated i love yous though? he said "i love you" so mournfully after she left, and it wasn't an i love you she was meant to hear, i feel? his third i love you was when he went to pick up the veil, which he held to his face, and he stumbled on it, a choked, almost-sob "i-i love you" into the veil. i was not emotionally prepared for that let me tell you.

he gave one last long lingering look to the direction christine left before he went to the chair and it just felt so final when he did.

this is a phantom that dies at the end and he knows he's gonna die when he gets in that chair. when he says it's over now he really really means it.

this show was so good. it was my last time seeing it on broadway before it closes and it was so. so good. such a good way to say goodbye to this show it felt so final and bittersweet

the total drama fandom every time they see my art in the total drama tags

💭

[sits down on bench and sighs]

Absolutely hate having shit to do I am so anxious and depressed about it. I think tasks should stop being expected of me. Or should at least have the decency to stop having deadlines.

Last lovepost of the night I was actually very depressed because of ✨ personal circumstances ✨ and the negatives kept mounting and compounding but really as long as I have a good support system and friends that really care I will always be okay in the end