#Mikasa buried beside him after a long life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

daisynik7 · 1 year

Text

Rush

Epilogue

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: ~9.5k

cw: mentions of explicit sex, attempted sexual violence that may be triggering (does not go far and is not committed by Eren)

Summary: New year, new beginnings, old flames.

Notes: I hope you enjoy this Epilogue, it’s a long one! I included a word count this time, for your reference. Please read the End Notes at the bottom of the chapter for my sincerest thanks.

Previous Chapter | ao3

Rush Series Masterlist

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After a well-deserved holiday break, you’re back at University of Paradis to start your spring semester. Along with your new and more rigorous curriculum, your obligations to your sorority escalate. No longer a pledge and a now a fully-fledged sister, you take a more active role in your organization by trying to recruit potential members. Spring rush begins two weeks into the new year for women and men interested in Greek life. Because of the partnership with Alpha Tau, Sigma Nu Kappa miraculously sees an increase in their numbers. By the end of the month, you welcome an exciting group of new sisters, ready to dive into the mysterious allure of sorority life.

Alpha Tau, back in its good graces, continues to excel during recruitment, despite losing a few members the previous semester. Reiner was expelled shortly after Eren. Apparently he threw a hissy fit in front of Erwin and Levi, who confronted him about his disrespectful behavior. Bertolt, being the obedient devotee he is, actually quit following his best friend’s expulsion. Rumor has it they’ve been “adopted” as unofficial brothers into another frat, the one where their friends Porco and Marcel are in.

The first few months of the new year are ordinary, for the most part. The only major difference is that Eren Jaeger has become a regular part of your daily life.

Following the end of your intimate relationship with him and his expulsion from Alpha Tau, Eren quickly got his act together. He focused on his studies more, spending hours in the library next to Armin, buried in his textbooks or typing away at a paper. You didn’t see him much during those last few weeks, only in passing, walking alongside his best friend. Cordial waves from a distance were always exchanged. Even from afar, it was difficult to ignore the twinkle in his eyes or the goofy grin whenever he saw you.

It's not until this new year that Eren makes his official return into your life.

The golden trio of Eren, Armin, and Mikasa are in tandem again, hanging out constantly as if their temporary setback never occurred. You’re included in the mix now, being Mikasa’s closest friend, roommate, and sorority sister. Jean occasionally joins if he isn’t busy with soccer team business. You and Eren acknowledge one another as acquaintances do. A smile, a wave, a glance here and there. Nothing more. Careful not to overstep any boundaries. There’s no tension between you two; rather there’s remnants of a barely lit flame still present from your previous relationship. It’s unpredictable when it will ever fizzle out.

You share meals together, surrounded by your friends, never alone. You have conversations as a group, not with each other. The most you’ll say is a hello or hi, along with a lingering look. There’s an unspoken agreement there; he won’t cross any lines until you’re ready to. At this rate, you’re taking baby steps to get to that point. You want to take your time with him.

Despite keeping your metaphorical distance, you find yourself learning more each day you spend with him. His interests, his pet peeves, his little quirks that you secretly find charming. Over dinner one night, you discover that Eren has a sweet tooth, finishing two different slices of cake in one sitting without a single crumb or smattering of frosting left on his plate. Another night, Mikasa teases him about being a mama’s boy, which he shamelessly agrees with.

“She’s the most important woman in my life,” he says proudly to Mikasa. “Besides you and – ”

He cuts himself off, not finishing his statement. For a split second, his eyes quickly dart towards you, cheeks blushed with a rosy tinge. Maybe it’s your imagination.

They reminisce about their past often, having spent their entire childhoods together. Through passing comments, you learn that Eren has always cared deeply for his friends. As a child, he was the first to throw a punch whenever Armin was harassed by the neighborhood bullies. The only kid on the block who would defend Mikasa from perverted old men eyeing her on the street. Even protecting his mom from being mugged several times on simple trips to the grocery store.

You’re beginning to see for yourself what Mikasa told you last semester. I wish you could have met him before all of this. You would see how great of a person he can be. There’s a reason his friends have stuck by him through thick and thin. They’ve put their trust and faith in him because of the lengths he’s gone for them. You wonder if you’ll ever be able to get to that point with him. A tiny part of you hopes so.

You learn that Armin and Eren share a fascination for traveling. During a study session in the library, they huddle during their breaks to read a couple different travel magazines they purchased at the café. Eren takes great care to highlight and place post-it notes on pages he finds particularly interesting. A few times, he glances over at you, catching your gaze on him. The moment dissipates as quickly as it appears, a fading ember in heavy rain. Something’s there, both of you too hesitant and shy to nurture it.

In the blink of an eye, March arrives. The flower gardens scattered throughout campus are in full bloom. Displays of different colored flora along every pathway illuminate your daily walks to class. The melancholy that winter naturally emanates has finally passed. Life is good.

It’s this month that your relationship with him changes. It’s small, but definitely noticeable.

~~~

In the middle of March, the weekend preceding midterms, the four of them gather in a study room. Mikasa and Armin review biology flashcards, she’s finishing up a permitted cheat sheet for one of her courses, and Eren focuses on writing an essay for his sociology class. After typing his last thought, he closes his laptop and leans back in his chair, sighing.

Mikasa sets down her flashcards. “Let’s take a break.” She reaches into her bag and fetches a bag of chips, setting it in the middle to share.

“Speaking of a break, what is everyone doing for spring break? It’s coming up,” Armin reminds them.

“Jean invited me to stay with his family. We might go camping,” Mikasa replies.

“That sounds fun! Grandpa will probably want to go fishing, so I’ll be doing that,” Armin says. “Eren, what do the Jaegers have planned this year?”

He grabs a handful of chips as he answers, “We’ll be at the beach house. I can’t believe Mikasa will be missing my birthday just because she has a boyfriend now,” he teases her, smirking.

She rolls her eyes. “A week away from Zeke bragging about med school and taking over your dad’s practice? Oh yeah, poor me,” she responds sarcastically, returning his playful grin.

“When is your birthday?”

He’s startled to hear her voice. To hear her direct a question at him. It’s an invitation to engage in a real conversation, which flusters and thrills him.

He faces her, hoping his cheeks aren’t flushed. “March 30th.”

“Must be nice having it during spring break. I’m sure you’ll have fun.”

He gulps loudly, excited to continue talking to her. “Yeah, it is nice. What are…what are your plans?” Mikasa and Armin stare at them as if they’re watching a slow-moving tennis match, heads turning towards whoever is speaking, holding their breaths.

She shrugs, reaching for the snacks. “Probably just stay home and do some spring cleaning. My family doesn’t really go on vacations.”

There’s a rush of ideas bombarding him, the most obvious being the temptation to invite her. It’s insane. But the thought of spending spring break together is a dream. It’s been over three months since they ended their previous relationship. Over three months of secretly pining for her, waiting for whatever chance he can get to be a little bit closer.

It’s on the tip of his tongue. What’s the worst that could happen if he let it slip? Rejection? Bruised ego? Extreme embarrassment? That’s nothing compared to heartache, and he’s already experienced that. He has nothing to lose.

Still, he has to put her first. He wouldn’t want to do or say anything to make her uncomfortable. That’s why it’s taken this long for them to have a legitimate conversation with each other, outside of their usual greetings. He wasn’t sure if she wanted to speak to him, especially after all that happened.

Mikasa intervenes. “Annie doesn’t live too far from you. I’m sure you two can see each other if you’re bored.”

“Oh yeah! She mentioned wanting to try a new restaurant near where I live, so we’ll probably do that.”

Eren comes to his senses, mentally calming himself down from his sudden excitement. He can’t invite her to the beach house with him. That’s crazy. Outrageous. Definitely a bad idea. Baby steps, he reminds himself. Baby steps. “That should be fun. I hope you have a nice break.”

“Thank you. You too.”

They gaze at each other for what seems like a full minute; in reality, it’s a few seconds. There’s electricity, even if it is a slightly dulled. It could be wishful thinking on his end, but these are the tiny interactions he’s learned to cherish these past few months. He’ll take whatever he can get; a warm glance, courteous wave, her signature bright smile that instantly lifts his mood. He won’t take any of it for granted anymore.

Armin clears his throat. “Anyways, it sounds like we’re all going to have a nice vacation.”

His friends engage her in idle chit chat about Greek life, leaving Eren alone in his thoughts. Another layer in their complicated relationship has been peeled away. There’s a long way to go, but it’s progress. It gives him hope.

He treasures these moments. This, along with the little details he’s learned about her so far. What she likes, what annoys her, those adorable habits she has. They spent so much time indulging in sex last fall that they didn’t get to know each other properly. He enjoys exploring her mind and soul just as much as her body; maybe more if that’s even possible.

Their passionate nights reappear in Eren’s head every now and again. Probably more than he’ll ever admit. Out of respect, he tries his best not to think of her in that way anymore. Though when he’s alone in the deepest confines of his psyche, he can’t help letting his hands wander, wishing more than anything it’s her in bed with him. He allows himself this occasional weakness for the sake of his sanity.

Tonight, he lets himself succumb to it, more so than ever these past three months. She actually spoke to him, and she was the one to initiate it. It’s glorious, and hours later, he’s still high from it. Why is he so desperate? As Eren slides his boxers off to stroke his hard cock, body hidden beneath the blankets in case Armin returns any minute, he ignores the guilt and lets his desires overtake him.

He fantasizes about a scenario where she does spend spring break with him and his family. They would drive to the beach house, top down in a rented convertible, wind blowing through their hair. Fingers entwined, resting on the center console, natural for two people in love.

At the beach house, Eren would make proper introductions to his parents. His mom would be ecstatic to see her son with a woman, especially one as beautiful as her. Zeke, his half-brother, would arrive later for dinner, cocky as usual during table conversation. Probably flirtatious with her, attempting to push his little brother’s buttons. This wouldn’t bother Eren, because at the end of the night, it’s him who bends her over at the edge of the bed, pleasuring her until they’re both spent. Cuddling and falling asleep in each other’s arms, in total bliss.

She’d make the best impressions on his parents, helping his mom in the kitchen, offering to help his dad fix a few loose boards on the deck. Pretending to be intrigued by Zeke’s insufferable stories of med school. They’d relax by the ocean every day, basking in the pleasant heat from the sun. At night, they’d make love, indulging in each other’s warm bodies. Her silky moans music to his ears as she wraps her legs around his waist, wanting to feel him deeper. Her moans turn into whines, indicating he’s hitting that sweet spot. He thrusts into her faster, wanting her to gush all over him, thumb brushing against her puffy clit that he licked and sucked earlier when she rode his face. She’s so close, desperate to have her precious cunt filled with his hot load…

His cock twitches in his fist, cum dribbling onto his bare abdomen. He opens his eyes and he’s in his bedroom, hidden beneath his covers. There’s a box of tissues at his bedside, conveniently. He wipes any evidence and tosses it into the trash, thankful that Armin takes unusually long showers.

After a few minutes of lying in bed, he buries his face into his pillow, groaning. He hates when that post-nut clarity hits. It brings him shame, guilty for using her as a way to get himself off. He didn’t even recall a past scenario this time; he invented a new one.

He answers the question he asked himself earlier: Why is he so desperate?

He’s in love with her. That’s why.

~~~

The rest of the semester passes without any major issues. The frequency in which you converse with Eren increases at a steady rate. He cracks jokes here and there, nothing vulgar or inappropriate. The conversations are never too deep, enough to scratch the surface and uncover a valuable cache of knowledge about each other. It’s surprisingly easy talking to him; you’re building up to being more than acquaintances with an intricate past.

With finals around the corner, you find yourself once again in a study room with Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. Mikasa and Armin group in front of a whiteboard, reviewing diagrams and terminology for their biology class. Eren is writing yet another sociology research paper. And you’re in the middle of a practice test for one of your courses.

Eren closes his laptop, raising his arms up in a stretch. “Anybody want anything from the café?”

Mikasa and Armin, too focused on their discussion, wave him off. He turns to you, offering, “Do you want anything?”

Distracted by a question that you’re desperately trying to solve, you mumble a name of a drink, your usual. A few minutes later, you come up with the solution and finally relax. It’s only now that you realize you only gave him half the details of what you wanted. Thinking it’s too late to specify any of it, you let it be, not wanting to be a bother.

When he returns, he sets his drink next to his laptop. Probably a black coffee, his typical order. He hands you yours, which seems normal.

“Thank you,” you tell him. “Let me know how much I owe you.”

“Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s on me. I hope I got your drink right.”

Certain that he didn’t, by no fault of his own, you examine the sticker on the cup listing the precise details. To your surprise, it’s perfect. From the amount of ice, type of milk, even the extra pump of the particular sweetener you like.

Impressed, you exclaim, “It’s exactly how I order it! How’d you know?”

He rubs the nape of his neck, blushing. “You get it so much, I guess it stuck with me.”

You beam at him, flattered that he memorized your relatively complicated order. He thought it was important to remember. It makes you feel special. With a sip of the drink, you take a deep breath, exhaling happily. “It’s absolutely perfect. Thank you.”

Cheeks still pink, he responds, “It’s really nothing.”

There it is again. That spark. A blaze that burns just barely, enough to provide light and warmth in a dim, dark place. It’s amazing how something so simple, so seemingly insignificant, can do that. You do your best to suppress these emotions, knowing all too well that there’s a long way to go when it comes to you and Eren. That doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate the progress.

The next few hours continue, the four of you concentrated on your own studies. When the sun sets, you gather your belongings and head to the dining hall to eat.

The topic of summer vacation comes up. Mikasa is already aware of your plans, but you decide to announce it to Armin and Eren.

“I’ll be staying on-campus. I’m required to complete one summer session for my major so that I can graduate on time.”

Armin says, “Really? Eren, aren’t you doing a summer session as well?”

This is brand new information. Mikasa also seems surprised by this. “You’re going to be here for the summer too?”

Eren nods, eyes focused down at his plate. “Yeah, I talked with Pyxis this week and he suggested that I do one to get in some extra classes. Told me it’s better for my resume when I apply to law school. He was able to pull some strings and get me enrolled last minute; I just found out yesterday.”

Mikasa, who’s sitting next to you, squeezes your knee lightly underneath the table.

“I guess we’ll both be here,” you murmur, unsure how else to react.

“Yeah, I guess we will.” His expression is unreadable. For a split second, though, he smiles.

Later that night, with you and Mikasa ready for bed and snuggled under the covers, she turns to face you. “Are you going to be okay? Being here with Eren for the summer?”

“Of course. It’s not going to change anything. We’ve been okay this whole semester.”

“Yeah, but Armin and I aren’t going to be here. Do you think you’ll want to hang out with him? Alone?”

You shrug. “I don’t know. We haven’t been alone together since…well, you know. I don’t know how awkward that will be.”

“You’ll both be at Reiss. All the students doing summer sessions are housed there.”

“So? What’s your point?”

“Living together in close quarters when nobody else is around to keep the two of you dummies in check? What do you think will happen?”

Rolling your eyes, you indulge her. “Tell me.”

“You’ll fuck! The two of you will start fucking again!”

“Mikasa, that’s not going to happen. First of all, the apartments are big. It’s not like we’ll be next door neighbors. I probably won’t be seeing him much. And second, even if we do run into each other, we’ll say our usual hellos, do some small talk, and that’s it! What do you think we’ve been doing the past few months. Everything is under control.”

“Oh please. Don’t think for a second that the little flirtations you and Eren have been exchanging are going unnoticed,” she reveals.

“What? We don’t flirt!”

“Oh really?” She sits up aggressively, mimicking you from earlier. “Oh Eren, it’s perfect! How did you know?” In a second, she switches to Eren, copying his deep voice, “I don’t know baby. Just stuck with me I guess. Want to touch my abs now?”

You throw a pillow at her, unable to contain your laughter. “Shut up! That’s not what we sounded like!”

“That’s exactly how you sounded,” she teases, tossing it back to you. “It’s obvious he still has feelings for you.”

“I don’t know about that – ”

“And I know you still have feelings for him, too. Neither of you will ever admit it, but we all know.”

Shocked by her accusation, you sputter, “Huh? That’s not…how do you…”

“We’re sisters. Of course I know.”

You remain silent, neither confirming nor denying her suspicions. It wouldn’t matter anyways with how confident she sounds.

“I’m not saying you two shouldn’t reconnect. To be honest, it seems like Eren is back to his normal self, before his whole wannabe fuck boy phase. I want to make sure that you’re ready to take that next step. If that’s what you really want.”

“I don’t know what I want yet. We’re taking it slow. There’s no rush.”

“And that’s great. I don’t doubt that you’ll continue to succeed in that. But I’m sure there will come a time that you’ll be tempted to revisit those intimate moments the two of you share. If you do go through with it, do it because you want to. Not because you’re lonely, desperate, or pressured. Do it because it feels right in your heart.”

You let her advice sink in. She adds, “If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I’m always a phone call away.”

In the dim light, you can see her sincere eyes gazing at you. “Thank you,” you tell her, promising telepathically to heed her words of wisdom.

The discussion ends there, leaving it up to you to decide when the “right time” is. Or if there will ever be a “right time”.

One thing is for sure: this summer is already more interesting because of Eren Jaeger.

At the end of the semester, the seniors graduate in the standard pomp and circumstance ceremony. You exchange tearful goodbyes to your favorite graduates, promising to keep in touch. Hange makes you swear to visit her at Marley School of Medicine, while Petra promises to stop by whenever she’s in the area. The candy leis you, Mikasa, and Sasha spent the previous night crafting are distributed to all the Sigma Nu Kappa seniors, even some Alpha Tau’s, including Levi, Erwin, and of course, Mike. You give him an especially fond smooch on the cheek.

With the school year officially over, most of Paradis’s students pack up and go home. Annie and Hitch agree to stay an extra day to help you move into the on-campus apartments called Reiss Residence, open specifically for students staying for the summer. It takes at least two hours to haul your belongings across campus to your new home. Being on the second floor of the complex with an elevator that operates at a snail’s pace contributes to the difficulty. Once your stuff is inside, you unpack, dragging boxes up the stairs into one of the empty bedrooms. Downstairs is a living room space furnished with a couch and coffee table. There’s also a little kitchen, complete with all the essential appliances to cook. Unfortunately, you don’t have any pots or pans to actually prepare a meal, so you pray that your roommate moves in with those items in her possession.

Exhausted from the move and too lazy to walk over to the dining hall, you call a local pizza shop to get dinner delivered directly to your doorstep, treating your friends for helping you during this tiring process. In the middle of your meal, you hear a knock on your door.

“RA knocking! Anyone in there?” When you open it, a tall, well-built man stands in front of you with a clipboard. “Hi! I’m Onyankopon, your new RA.”

You introduce yourself, smiling as you shake hands.

“Welcome to Reiss. My room is downstairs, #101. Knock anytime you need anything. If I’m not in, feel free to call me.” He gives you a sheet of paper listing general rules and information for the complex. He points at the number typed on the bottom next to his name.

“I see you’re pretty much moved in. I just need to get you checked-in with a date and a signature.” He presents you the clipboard and a pen. You scan it quickly for your name, signing it when you find it. Not bothering to check the rest of the list, you return it to him.

“Awesome, thanks. Has your roommate moved in?”

“No, not yet.”

“That’s okay. I’ll come by tomorrow again to check. Some students are coming in tomorrow, even later this week since classes don’t start until Monday. I’m planning to have a little welcoming party in my room Sunday night to introduce everyone. I’ll post the details on the bulletin next to the laundry room on this floor.”

“Sounds great. Looking forward to it,” you tell him, genuinely excited.

“Don’t hesitate to contact me if you need anything!” With that, he waves goodbye, leaving to knock on the rest of the doors on your floor.

Back inside, Annie says, “He seems nice.”

“And hot,” Hitch smirks. “Aren’t RAs for these apartments usually grad students? You should try older men for a change,” she teases with a wink.

You roll your eyes. “I don’t think he’ll be interested in an undergrad if he really is a grad student.”

“Hey, you never know unless you try! How hot would that be, sex with the RA? This stuff doesn’t write itself.”

You laugh, half considering her suggestion because she’s not wrong: your new RA is very attractive. However, you’re still taking time to focus on yourself and avoid potential drama. If that means remaining celibate the rest of the summer, then that’s the route you’ll have to continue taking.

“Armin told me that Eren is also going to be here. Is that going to be weird for you?” Annie asks, finishing off her slice of pizza.

“I don’t know. We probably won’t see much of each other unless we literally live right next door, which isn’t going to happen.”

“Think you’ll try to hang out with him one-on-one? I mean, you practically saw each other every day the past few months.”

“That’s different; we’re always with Mikasa and Armin. There’s a buffer.”

“Do you even want to hang out with him? As friends?”

It’s definitely crossed your mind. Mikasa’s words have been replaying constantly the past couple of days. Do it because it feels right in your heart.

You haven’t seen him since the last study session, and the thought of running into him any minute now has you flustered. Is it worry? Or excitement?

“I don’t think I’m there yet,” you respond, remaining ambiguous.

Instead of continuing to pester you, they drop it, changing the subject to Eta Iota gossip going around about one of Hitch’s sisters hooking up with another’s boyfriend. You listen passively, your focus still on Eren.

Given your history, it might be dangerous to be alone together. You’d be lying to yourself if you said your intimate memories with him have never reappeared in your thoughts. They pop up in your head, particularly at night when you need some sort of sweet release.

Hanging out, without Mikasa and Armin there to regulate, is a big step. Will you ever get there with him? Can you ever be friends?

The next morning, you eat breakfast with Hitch and Annie at the cafeteria before they leave for home. Back at your apartment, you notice the door is open, boxes stacked and scattered around the living room. You hear shuffling upstairs and a girl’s voice talking to someone on speaker phone. You knock on the open door loudly to announce your presence.

A girl with light-brown hair in a ponytail comes sprinting down the stairs, smiling. “Roomie!” She launches herself towards you to give you a big hug. “I’m Hannah! Nice to meet you!”

You return her embrace and introduce yourself, making small talk while you help her move her things to her bedroom. Throughout the day, you learn that she is cheerful and easy-going. She mentions her boyfriend Franz, who she warns will be coming over quite often, to which you assure her that you don’t mind.

When she’s unpacked, the two of you walk to the store right off campus to pick up groceries and snacks. That night, you cook your first meal in the kitchen. Luckily, Hannah comes prepared with kitchenware, offering to share it as long as you clean it after use.

Friday, Hannah decides to spend the weekend with Franz once more before the session begins, leaving you alone in the apartment. You sleep in, taking advantage of the few days left of your tiny break.

Around noon, your growling stomach gets you out of bed. In your comfiest sweats, you leave your apartment. For the first time this week, you notice the door next to yours is open. Outside is a middle-aged woman with long black hair in a loose ponytail hanging over her shoulder. There are clothes scattered over the pavement surrounding her as she carries an empty laundry basket. Immediately, you bend down to pick up some of the littered fabric.

“Ah, thank you, dear. I’m such a klutz,” she giggles, squatting to help. “These are clean, don’t worry.”

You chuckle, giving her a pair of sweatpants. The two of your collect the last few items off the ground. “I hope I didn’t take too much time out of your day!” she says.

“Not at all. I was just on my way to get lunch. I’m in no rush. Happy to help.”

“I’m relieved to know my son is living next to someone as sweet as you. Thank you again for all your help.”

Her appreciation for such a simple act is endearing. She seems like such a lovely woman. You smile at her, reiterating how it wasn’t a big deal when you hear someone walk towards you from behind.

You turn to check who it is, almost choking when you recognize that it’s Eren. He blinks rapidly as he stutters your name.

Somehow, some way, the universe has forced you two to be next door neighbors.

Eren’s mom glances at him, then at you. “Oh, you two know each other? How nice! She was helping me pick up your laundry after I dropped it all on the ground.”

He steps towards his mother, grabbing the sides of the basket. “Mom, I told you I’d get that. It’s heavy,” he states, carrying it easily. He glances at you before heading back inside his apartment to set the clothes down.

His mom asks you, “So, you two are friends?”

What is the correct answer here? You’re not quite sure yourself.

Eren quickly replies, “Yes, we’re friends.” He smiles at you, then at his mom.

“Oh good! I don’t have to worry about my son being lonely this summer,” his mom teases, pinching one of his cheeks.

“Mom,” Eren warns, waving her off lovingly. It’s cute.

“Your dad should be here soon; he went to get gas after we unloaded all of your things from the car.”

“That’s nice you’re here to help Eren move. I wish I had a car when I moved. We had to lug everything from across campus,” you explain, laughing.

“Oh you poor thing. Next time, tell Eren to help you. As you can see, he has plenty of muscles,” she comments, squeezing his bicep.

“Mom, seriously,” he mutters, hand shielding his face in embarrassment.

“He’s so shy, isn’t he?” she grins. Eren peeks at you between his fingers, a blush surrounding his cheeks.

His mom’s phone chimes. “Oh! That’s your father, let’s go sweetie.”

You’re ready to part ways when you hear her suggest, “You should come to lunch with us!”

Going to lunch with your former fuck buddy’s parents? And your former fuck buddy turned acquaintance slash friend? This is too weird. “No, I don’t want to intrude.”

“Nonsense. We’re inviting you.”

Expecting him to dissuade his mother, Eren agrees. “Yeah, you should come with us. It’ll be fun.” His expression is warm and inviting. His eyes glisten with kindness. How can you decline an invite from both him and his mother?

“Oh…um, okay. Thank you,” you relent, walking besides them.

“Silly me! I forgot to introduce myself. I’m Carla,” she mentions, holding out her hand. You do the same as the three of you head downstairs. In the parking lot, you spot a maroon Subaru Hatchback running. A man with glasses sits in the driver’s seat.

“Honey, Eren’s friend here is going to join us for lunch!” Carla exclaims.

From inside the vehicle, you see him clap giddily. “Excellent! Hello Eren’s friend!”

Carla informs her husband of your name, to which he enthusiastically repeats. You grin at their quirkiness. From the corner of your eye, you see Eren smiling too.

~~~

Somehow, some way, the universe has blessed Eren.

He can’t comprehend it. He’s sitting in the back of the car next to her, the middle seat being the only distance between them, as his parents drive them to his favorite restaurant in the area. He literally pinches himself several times to believe it’s real.

His mom does most of the chatting during the ride. She asks the standard questions, most of which he’s already memorized about her. At the restaurant, which is a local diner with the best milkshakes, his dad joins in on the small talk. In typical Grisha Jaeger fashion, he brags about Zeke, who’s currently in med school to take over the family business. This naturally prompts him to pat Eren on the back and proclaim, “But I’m also proud of my other son here, who’s going to be a hot-shot lawyer one day! Hopefully he won’t ever be prosecuting me for medical malpractice!”

Aside from his dad’s corny jokes, their lunch is as delightful as Eren could imagine it to be, under their current circumstances. All week, he’s been nervous about the status of their relationship this summer, if there even would be a relationship. Without Armin and Mikasa around, how would it be between them? The question has been nagging him since he decided to stay. And now, it’s been partially answered. Still, he wonders if they’ll ever be able to spend time together, just the two of them.

Back at the apartment, they gather in front of Eren’s room.

“Thank you so much for lunch, Mr. and Mrs. Jaeger,” she says.

“Oh please, the pleasure was all ours! We hope to see you again soon!”

Eren eyes his mom, to which she announces, “Grisha, honey, let’s unpack some of Eren’s stuff in the kitchen.” Before his dad can get a word in, she drags him into the apartment, yelling out, “Sweetheart, it was so nice to finally meet you. Please take good care of yourself!” He nearly flinches at his mom’s slip-up. Thankfully, it goes unnoticed.

At last alone with her, he says, “Thank you for joining us. That was fun. I hope it wasn’t awkward for you or anything.”

“No, it wasn’t. Your parents are really nice. Thanks for letting me tag along.”

“Are you all unpacked?” he asks, eager to keep their exchange going.

“Yeah, for the most part. I don’t have too many things, so it wasn’t so bad.”

“I’m the opposite. My mom made sure I packed everything. I might have to use the spare bedroom for storage.”

Her eyes light up at this statement. “You don’t have a roommate?”

“Nope. It’s just me,” he answers. “My dad is going to help me move the other bed into my room to create a queen-sized bed.”

“That sounds nice.” There’s a small pause before she adds, “Maybe we can hang out at your place. Not on the bed, I’m not thinking that because of the bed, I thought that since you don’t have a roommate, it might be nice to, y’know, watch a movie or something, I don’t know – ”

He stops her rambling with a grin, “I get it. I wasn’t thinking anything about it. But yeah, we should definitely do that. If it’s okay with you.” Calm, cool, collective. He has to appear this way as fireworks are nearly bursting out of his chest.

She nods, not explicitly responding to his last statement. “Anyways, I’ll let you get back to unpacking. I’ll see you around.”

It’s too short. He wishes they could keep chatting forever and ever. “Yeah, see you.”

She disappears into her apartment, leaving Eren to pinch himself one more time before joining his parents inside. In a daze, he removes some pans from the open box next to his mom, who looks at him curiously.

“Honey, Eren and I are going to unpack his clothes in his room. Can you finish the rest of these boxes down here?”

“Yes, dear.”

Upstairs, Eren’s mom shuts the door and begins hanging his jackets in the closet. “So, that’s her.”

There’s no secrets between him and his mom. That’s the type of relationship they have. When he fucked up last semester, he made sure to come clean about it as soon as he was home for winter break. And she made sure to give him a piece of her mind. Since then, she hasn’t stopped.

“I can’t believe you would do that to a sweet girl like her,” she continues, casually unfolding his laundry as she scolds him. “Really, Eren. I am still so disappointed in you.”

“I know, Mom. I know. I fucked up. I beat myself up about it every day.”

“I hope you do. Did you know that she would be next door?”

“Of course not. I knew she was staying at these apartments. I never predicted this. I mean, I jokingly wished for it. I didn’t think it’d actually come true.” He can’t help but smile to himself, feeling like the luckiest guy in the world.

She glares at him. “Don’t get any ideas, son. You have to keep your distance. She might still be wary about you. I wouldn’t blame her.”

“Yeah, I know. I will. But when I told her I don’t have a roommate, she said that we should hang out. I think she’s ready to be friends.”

She stops what she’s doing to look at him carefully. “Honey, are you sure about this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Isn’t it time to move on? I know you still have feelings for her, but this is dangerous. You don’t know if she’ll ever feel the same way about you again. Maybe this ship has sailed.”

He contemplates this for a while before saying, “Maybe. But if there’s the tiniest chance, then I’m wearing a life vest and swimming. I’m not letting her go. Not yet.”

She stares at him, concerned. “You like her that much?”

With full confidence, he answers, “I’m in love with her. I love her, Mom.” This is the first he’s confessing it out loud. He’s surer of it now hearing it in his own voice.

“Eren, you’re not even dating. You barely know her. Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I’m not being ridiculous. I feel it in my heart, in my fucking soul. I can’t stop thinking about her. Everything I do now is for her. To prove to her how worthy of a man I can be, worthy of her love. I won’t give up until the day she looks me in the eyes and tells me that it’s never going to happen. Maybe even then, I won’t give up. I know you probably think I’m being immature or idiotic. But this is how I feel. I can’t help it.”

“Honey, I hear you, and I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings. But are you prepared to get hurt if this doesn’t work out the way you want it to?” There’s urgency in her voice, almost like she’s pleading with him to reconsider this. To give up, for his own sake.

He won’t. This is the most certain he’s ever been in his life.

“If that means I’m going to get hurt, then fine. It’ll be worth it to have felt something than nothing at all.”

~~~

Sunday night, your RA hosts a gathering in his slightly larger apartment on the first floor. Hannah isn’t back from her boyfriend’s, so you arrive alone. You meet a few of the other residents as you help yourself to a slice of pizza and a drink. Onyankopon gathers everyone in a circle to play a little ice-breaker game. Just as he’s about to start, Eren walks in.

“Sorry I’m late,” he mumbles.

“No worries, man! Go ahead and take a spot in the circle.”

You glance at him, waving, which he returns with a smile. He positions himself across from you, next to an auburn-headed guy you sort of recognize from one of the fraternities.

Onyankopon asks everyone in the circle state their name, year, major, organizations they are involved in on campus, and one interesting fact. He starts, explaining how he completed his bachelors at a school private school in Marley and is now working on his masters in aerospace engineering here at Paradis. Each resident clockwise has their turn to speak. When it gets to Eren, he shares that he has a big sweet tooth, which you already knew, and that he has finished an entire chocolate cake all by himself once in his lifetime, which you did not know.

After the event, you bid farewell to your RA and new neighbors. Outside, Eren walks slow, waiting for you. You catch up to him, greeting him with a, “Hey.”

“Hi. Are you ready for classes tomorrow? Feels like we barely had a break.”

“Not sure if I’m ever really ready for classes. Oh well,” you chuckle. “Do you have an early morning class?”

“No. Thankfully my earliest class is at 11, which isn’t bad.”

“That’s the same for me too! It’ll be nice to sleep in once in a while.”

“Yeah, definitely.” There’s a pause. “Maybe we can get breakfast some time. If you’re up for it.”

You remember him being so against sharing a meal together in public not too long ago. And now, he’s offering the idea so easily. You can’t help but tease him just a bit. “You don’t want to get it delivered?”

He stops in his tracks. “Hey, I didn’t…I wasn’t…I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking – ”

You nudge him in the arm with your elbow, laughing. “I’m messing with you. Breakfast sounds good.”

His face relaxes. “I deserve that.”

“Yeah, you do,” you smirk.

It’s different this time around. It has to be.

~~~

The session starts and Eren, for the most part, has a handle on his courses. Without it being as rigorous as a regular semester, he spends a large chunk of his free time going to the gym, cooking in his kitchen, and watching Netflix on his flat-screen TV, courtesy of Dr. Grisha Jaeger.

Though the walls are thin, he barely hears a bump from his lovely neighbor. However, knowing she’s there brings him happiness. Over the past few weeks, they’ve been getting comfortable chatting outside the apartment. Sometimes for a few minutes if either of them is in a rush to another destination, most of the time for nearly half an hour, neither in any rush to end it. He looks forward to stepping outside his apartment every day to get his daily dose of her. An instant serotonin boost.

One Friday night, well into the season, Eren sits on the couch in front of the TV, watching a K-drama he’s hooked on. He finished a bowl of pasta for dinner and is indulging in ice cream when he hears a knock on his door.

He cracks it open cautiously. To his delight, it’s her. “Hi neighbor. Can I hang out here for a bit?”

It takes a while to process. Is he dreaming? He pulls himself together and opens the door for her, inviting her in. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just that my roommate and her boyfriend are having a heated argument right now and I’m almost certain it’s going to lead to some very loud and angry sex. I don’t want to be there to listen to it.” She plops down on the couch. “I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“Not at all. I was just watching TV. Do you want some ice cream?”

“Sure!”

He rummages through his freezer, retrieving a particular carton of ice cream. As he scoops it into a bowl, she comments, “I didn’t expect you to be a fan of K-dramas.” She’s looking at the paused screen on the television, an amused expression on her face.

He passes her the bowl and takes a seat on the opposite side of the couch, an appropriate distance for two ex-lovers to be in. “I recently got into it. I can see why people are so obsessed with them. Especially the romance ones.”

She takes a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. “Yum. This is my favorite. Thank you.”

There’s no point in revealing to her that he knows this already. She mentioned it once during spring semester. He wanted to try it himself, see why she adored it so much. Now, he always keeps a pint of it in his freezer. Not because he expects situations like this, but because he indulges in it himself to have the tiniest connection with her. It also helps that it is, in fact, yummy.

“So I’m guessing that you don’t get along with your roommate?” he asks, finishing the last bites of his melting ice cream.

“We get along fine. I just didn’t expect her and her boyfriend to be so loud. Especially during sex. It’s very distracting.”

“When you’re caught up in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to forget about everything and everybody else surrounding you,” he says. In the worst timing ever, he recalls their passionate nights, never holding back with each other.

She turns to look at him, a gleam in her eyes that sends his heart racing. “Yeah. You’re right.”

Is he imagining all of this? This pleasant vibe in the air?

He hastily grabs the remote and resumes the show, ending any more talk about sex. They finish the episode and watch one more before she deems it safe to return to her place.

“Thanks again for letting me come over. And for the ice cream.”

“Of course. I’m here anytime you need me.” The words slip out sooner than he can actually think it through. He panics, fearing he took a monumental step backwards.

Instead, she responds, “Okay. I’ll hold you to that.” Eren watches her leave and waits for the soft thud of her door shutting to close his.

Cheeks hot, perspiration beading on his forehead, he slides down the door and sits on the floor, burying his face in his sweaty palms.

His mom is right. This is dangerous.

~~~

The summer session is nearing the end. It goes by much faster than you expect. This is largely thanks to your next-door neighbor slash friend slash ex-lover Eren Jaeger. For a situation so complicated and messy, it’s been easy being with him, as friends.

It’s gotten to a point where you’re at his apartment nearly every weekend, usually watching a random show or movie. He’ll offer you whatever meal he can whip up in the kitchen on the fly; other nights you’ll order delivery or take-out from a local restaurant. And every dinner ends with three scoops of your favorite ice cream.

On some weekdays, you’ll wake up early to get breakfast together at the dining hall. You’ve since unblocked his number from your phone, so either he’ll text you, “Breakfast?” or you’ll knock on his door, knowing he’s already awake.

Not wanting to make the same mistakes as last year, you tell your friends everything, to which you get plenty of opinions about from them. Annie in particular isn’t shy to call you dumb for falling for the same trap again. In your defense, it doesn’t feel stressful this time around. What do either you or Eren gain from spending time together, besides companionship? Without sex being involved, could the two of you truly become friends? At this rate, you’re confident that you can.

The Friday leading into finals, you leave the library close to 1 AM. You got caught up finishing a paper for one of your classes, not realizing how late it is. The walk to your apartment isn’t far. However, being alone in the after-midnight darkness adds a level of creepiness that unsettles you. You slide your keys between your knuckles as a makeshift weapon and stroll directly under each lamp post for a sense of security.

When you arrive at the apartment complex, there’s a figure slouched at the bottom of the staircase leading up to your floor. You recognize him as one of the residents of the apartments. As you pass him on the steps, he grabs your ankle.

“Hey, can you help me?” His speech is slurred; he’s drunk.

Alarmed at his unwanted touch, you tug your foot away from him, muttering, “Sorry. No.” You hustle up the stairs, hoping he stays slumped there.

You hear shuffling as he cries out, “Come on! I locked myself out! Public Safety is taking forever. Let me stay in your apartment for a bit.”

He’s on your tail. Nervous for him to see which apartment you’re living in, you stop in front of the laundry room, reaching for the phone in your pocket. “I said no. I don’t know you.”

“I’m Floch. I’ve seen you around. You’re a Sigma Nu Kappa. I bet you’re an easy fuck.” He grabs you by the wrist aggressively, causing you to drop your phone onto the ground.

“Let go of me asshole!” On instinct, you kick him between the legs, directly in the balls.

He grunts, doubling over, clutching his hopefully shattered jewels. “You fucking bitch,” he spits out through gritted teeth.

Quickly, you retrieve your fallen phone and sprint to your room, desperate to hide from him. Shaking, you can’t get your keys into the lock. From your peripheral, you see him get back up slowly, limping towards you, holding onto his crotch like some perverted zombie. You continuously press the lock button on your phone, attempting to trigger the SOS signal as he closes the distance.

Suddenly, the next door swings open and Eren hovers over Floch, growling, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Your assailant shrinks, waving his hands in front of him in a pathetic surrender. “Whoa…Nothing man, I wasn’t doing anything.”

“You owe her an apology.”

“Huh? She’s the one who kicked my nuts – ’

“Did I fucking stutter? Apologize to her. Right fucking now, dipshit.”

“Okay, okay.” He peeks around Eren’s massive form to apologize. “I’m sorry.”

You don’t speak, staring at them in a catatonic state.

Eren steps forward, towering over him. “Now get the fuck away from her and wait outside your own goddamn apartment. And if you bother her again, I won’t be so nice.”

Without another word, Floch hobbles off, heading upstairs to the third level.

Eren looks at you, expression switching immediately from outrage to concern. “Are you okay?”

You’re still trembling as you nod. “Yeah. I’m…I’m okay.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“No. I kicked him in the balls before he could do anything.” You turn the handle to open the door, which you finally manage to get unlocked. “Thank you. That was…crazy.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I heard your voice from outside and I knew something was wrong. I’m glad I came out when I did.”

“Me too.” For some reason, you’re nervous to look at him, so you keep your focus on the ground.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Thank you again.”

“It was nothing. Seriously. I’m here anytime you need me.”

You stand, frozen in place with fear and adrenaline coursing through your veins. Eren’s voice, despite being beside you, seems distant.

“You’re shaking,” he notices, watching you carefully.

“Yeah, I’m just…I don’t know. I wish my roommate was here. I don’t want to be alone right now.” Unfortunately, Hannah decided last minute to study for finals at her boyfriend’s this weekend.

After a moment of contemplation, he says, “You can stay at my place. Until you’re feeling better.”

“Are you sure? You don’t feel weird about this?”

“No. We’re friends. Right?” It’s more of a question he wants confirmed, unsure himself.

You smile at him. “Yes. Friends.”

~~~

He leads her inside his apartment, waving over to the couch. “I’ll be back. I’m going to get a pillow and a blanket.”

Prior to heading into his bedroom, he goes into the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. She’s in his apartment in the middle of the night, and he’s almost certain she will be sleeping here. She’s scared and traumatized from that asshole who attacked her, and she didn’t want to be alone, so he offered to help.

Has he crossed the line? Is this okay?

Back downstairs, he hands her a pillow and throw blanket. “Here you go. Let me know if you need anything else.”

He’s ready to march right upstairs, slam his door shut, and pretend that this is all totally normal. That he’s totally fine. This is what friends do. They help each other. And that’s what they are now. Friends.

“Wait.”

She looks at him, eyes precious, innocent, and sweet. Arms wrapped tightly around the pillow. It has him melting like ice cream on a hot summer day.

“Can you…stay with me a while?”

He swallows loudly, nervous and excited all at once. “Of course.”

She smiles softly, laying on the cushion with the blanket surrounding her. He kneels on the floor beside her, still in awe that this is happening.

“It smells like you,” she says, nose pressed into the pillow.

He laughs. “Is that a good or a bad thing?”

“Good. It smells good.”

It’s too much. He’s about to explode from glee. On the edge of the couch, he rests his arm, laying his head on it, gazing at her. He wants to brush the hair away from her forehead. Caress her delicate cheek with his hand. “Are you okay?”

“Still a little freaked out.”

“We should report it. I’ll let Onyankopon know now – ”

“We can talk to him in the morning. I don’t want to be left alone right now.” Her hand sneaks out from under the covers, inches from his. There’s electricity flickering in the small space. It jolts throughout his body, firing synapses into his brain.

“Can I hold your hand?” she asks, voice trembling.

He’s convinced he’s dreaming now. There’s no way this is happening. But it is. She’s here in front of him. As real as ever.

He hesitates, “Are you sure?”

She nods, carefully sliding her hand over his.

Everything plays in slow motion. They press their palms together slowly, fingertips lined up perfectly, skin-on-skin igniting the ember that still remains from months ago. Savoring this moment before it gets taken away. Their fingers interlock, fitting seamlessly as if they belong exactly like this.

Breathless, he asks again, “Are you sure this is okay?” His whole body vibrates from the palpations overwhelming his chest, still in disbelief this is actually happening.

“Yes, Eren.” Her voice is soft, supple. It soothes him, makes him feel at peace.

“I don’t want to rush this.”

“Me neither.”

They remain in this position for a while, cherishing it for all it’s worth. So much is communicated between them without speaking. It’s in the eyes, their touch. The warmth that she emits, filling him up with euphoria he can’t find elsewhere.

It’s different this time. It’s right. He’ll do everything in his power not to mess it up again. His word lost all value the second he used it against her. So instead of telling her how he feels, he has to show her. Prove to her that he’s no longer afraid.

~~~

“Can I show you something?” He looks at you tenderly, eyes sparkling like brilliant emeralds unearthed through the dust.

Curious, you agree, giving him your full attention, a flutter in your belly from the anticipation.

He places your palm over his chest, holding you gently against him. Through the cotton of his shirt, you feel his heart pounding hard and fast.

“This is how I feel about you. This is what you do to me.”

You keep steady, relishing the rhythmic thumping of his heartbeat. Understanding exactly what he’s trying to convey to you.

The two of you were always lost in translation, unsure how the other felt, what the other wanted. You were on different pages, sometimes even in two different worlds. Somehow, someway, you are brought together again, now in the same orbit, revolving one other like the universe intended it.

Your story with Eren has already been written. It began at the start of fall semester, almost a year ago, and ended a few months later, before the bitter cold of winter. There are no rewrites, no rewinds to change the events that occurred. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, a chance at love was lost. Far from a fairytale ending.

Maybe this is the beginning of the sequel, a story about two people who are far from perfect finding their way back to each other for one last shot. Picking up the shattered fragments to build something beautiful from the ground up, piece by piece. There may be cracks or missing parts throughout. In the end, maybe it’ll be a masterpiece you can both be proud of, flaws and all.

----------

End Note: Thank you for all of you who have taken the time to read Rush the whole way through. It’s been such a fun ride and I hope it was worth it. The love and support I’ve gotten throughout means so much to me, I can’t thank you enough! I have a few ideas about what I want to write next, so stay tuned!

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Tag List: @jaegerxeren @thelovewitch0v0 @hippiecultz @silver-foxling-blog @eren-slut @littlelaur27 @mokyowife @thenamesaceee @mxnst3rz @itswhits @diamandveins @ritzzberitzz @xartisticoutletx @izukusupreme @erensfavblackie @tippy-toes @monbebe101 @crtzrulestheworld @maqqiekwon @where-the-blackbirds-sing @minibold @hilichurl01 @jbird0508 @rainzelenia @anonbbygirlsblog @prettygirllisa @ctrllovre @4522-08 @laiorelle @pompompurjin @inbriannawestrust @alicebleu @sparkles-and-rust @neopussytechnology @kpopisbaeforever @kindmarely @weasleyisourking1 @taqsyq @guesswhosback129 @shinisthebest @hiromihanagaki @therarestruby @lovinghirotaka

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teakookssi · 5 months

Text

Before I Leave You [Eren/Levi x Reader FF]

[ curated playlist ][ full story can be found here or here ]

[Overview & prologue]

➺ pairing: levi ackerman/eren jeager x fem!reader

➺content: mafia au, crime, arranged marriage, enemies to lovers, angst, lol so much angst

➺warnings: SHIT. IS. DARK. YO. violence, blood, strong language, guns/weapons, and illegal activities are all mentioned but hey, that’s attack on titan for you, so if you can handle that, you can handle this (:

chapter 9: under the tree

“There’s really no need for that, you know,” Eren tells you quietly, sliding his gaze over his shoulder to the gun you have pointed to his head before stealing a glance at you. “How are you feeling?”

Your scowl deepens. “I suggest you not test my patience unless you want me to bury you here under this tree with my bare hands.”

Seeing how on edge you are, Eren makes no sudden moves—wise enough not to agitate you any further. But the look of fear you usually expect from someone whose life is being held at gunpoint remains absent from his face. It’s as if he’s fully confident you’re not going to pull the trigger on him despite your murderous tendencies.

“You have every reason to be upset. I know that,” he says in a low tranquil voice before his face twists down in anguish. “But I couldn't just leave you there with them after the way you collapsed like that…” He shakes his head. “Besides, they wouldn’t have believed me. And you were so adamant on them not knowing… So I did as you asked and brought you here instead. To rest.”

You pause.

What I asked?

You recall the exact words you told Eren in your father’s office. You will not say a word to Historia or Mikasa, or any of them, about anything because there is nothing to tell. Is that clear?

You scour the area with hawk-like eyes from where you sit on the hill. There’s no sign of anyone else nearby except you and him, and you don't know whether that should comfort you or give you further reason to be more suspicions of him. The terrain is much too open for your liking. If there’s any sign of enemies nearby, you’ll spot them easily enough, but the lack of buildings and woodland offers you no protection or shelter from an attack.

You drag your eyes back to Eren, voice low and dangerous. “You’re telling me… no one knows where we are right now?”

Eren averts your gaze. Hearing the weight of your words out loud seems to have finally hit him with the reality of what he’s done, but he seems less worried about what that might entail and more concerned with your reaction and how that might effect your view towards him.

You clench your jaw. “Since when?”

Eren swallows, hesitant. “Since this morning.”

You close your eyes with a groan and lie back on the ground miserably, throwing an arm over your face, already imagining everyone’s reactions. “Levi is going to murder you for this.”

Eren, noticing the gun you were using to threaten him is now lying on the ground next to you, momentarily discarded, says to you gently, “I don’t think you’ll let that happen.”

You remove your arm from your face to raise an eyebrow at him. “That’s one hell of a wager."

He smiles faintly. “Is it?”

But he’s looking at you with eyes full of trust and possibility that the sight of it unsettles you. He really believes you’ll protect him, enough that he’s willing to stake his life on it. And that blind faith he has in you is what makes him dangerous. Because for the first time in a long while, you’ve found yourself in unfamiliar territory. In the hands of someone you can’t read and whom you know little about. You know better than to let down your guard around someone like that, but for some reason you don’t feel threatened by him at all. In fact, you’ve never felt more at peace.

Still, you turn away. “Just because I haven’t killed you yet, doesn’t mean I won’t get to it eventually. Or that I won’t let anyone else have a go at it for that matter.”

Eren merely draws his legs to his chest and wraps his arms around them to rest his chin on his knees. “I’ve only done as you’ve asked,” he sulks beside you. “Or would you rather I have left you there for Mikasa and all them to find —”

“I’d rather you not interfere at all,” you cut him off with a growl. “Your goddamn presence keeps giving me migraines, I’m beginning to think you’re here just to torture me.”

Eren gathers some small sticks by his feet and starts snapping them in half mindlessly. “I don’t see what the big deal is. You’re safe here. And we’re not even that far away from the city.”

“Where is ‘here’?” you demand.

“In the outskirts of the Karanes District.”

You sit upright, eyes wide in alarm. “That's a whole town over! How the hell did you even get us here?” And how had you not woken up for any of it?

“I took a taxi from the office to the train station,” he answers simply. He gives a small nudge with his chin to the open field at a faint snake-like trail you hadn't noticed before in the distance. “At the end of that path are train tracks. If we follow them north, they lead back to the train station. We can take the next train ride over back to the city. Your father’s office isn’t far from the station.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “You really expect me to believe that you alone brought me here without anyone stopping you or thinking you suspicious for hauling around an unconscious person across town?”

Mikasa, Jean, Connie, Sasha...They were all stationed at areas of exits. He couldn’t have left the building without any of them knowing about it.

Eren shrugs. “We hardly came across anyone. Other than the taxi driver who took us to the train station, but the train itself was empty and the driver probably just thought you were intoxicated or something.”

You roll your eyes.

“Either way,” Eren insists, “your hair covered your face most of the time, and without Mikasa and all them hovering around you, no one was going to think it was you.”

You give him an evaluating sidelong glance before you lean back on the ground, using your elbows to support your weight as you turn to watch the fading sunset disappear from the sky.

“That must have been some strong stuff you slipped into my drink then,” you accuse him casually. “To knock me out cold for that long and bring me here.”

Eren looks to you incredulously. “You and I both know I had nothing to do with that.”

You tsk. “And yet you were the last person I was seen with last. The only one in my father’s office who had full access to the fresh array of beverages Historia had left ready for me. Beverages that I drank.”

Eren looks away, jaw tight. His silence is enough to tell you he’s already thought of this. In fact, he’s had plenty of time to contemplate all the incriminating evidence stacked against him and the possible consequences he’ll face for kidnapping you.

And yet…

“None of this looks good for you…” you draw out. A beat later, your siren gaze cuts to him like a knife. “So why are you still here?”

What could possibly be keeping him here that he’d refuse to run away and save his own skin? Did he really not have a full understanding of who your people were? Of what they would do to him once they found out he had risked your safety by taking you away from them without their knowing?

He frowns, taking one of the sticks he’s broken in half to draw lines on the ground. “I wasn’t going to leave you here all alone when you were still unconscious. And you looked like you needed time alone. Away from everyone. So I brought you here. I knew Mr. Kruger wouldn’t mind.”

Your ears perk, tense. “Kruger?”

Eren nods to the vast land around you. “This is his property. His home is just down that hill. Behind those trees.”

You scan the place, more alert. It was hidden from this angle, but yes, you can make out a wooden cabin peeking from the distant trees far off to your right.

“He helped me out when I got lost one day on my way to the office,” Eren continues. “I had relied on Historia to guide us there, so when she couldn’t come with me that one day, I got lost and got off the wrong train stop. Mr. Kruger found me wandering around and he helped me out. We got to talking, and well…he seemed kinda lonely. I try to visit him every once in a while.” Eren smiles. “I think he enjoys my company.”

You roll your eyes. “Of course he does.”

Rising to your feet— mildly aware the headache and fatigue you’d felt this morning has subsided immensely— you toss Eren’s coat back at him. He catches it with a flinch.

“Who else is with him?” you demand, your eyes following him as he stands.

“No one. It’s just him.” But Eren notices the dark look in your eye and finds the need to add, “He’s a senior citizen, Anya. He’s not involved in anything that should concern you.”

You scoff, and start heading towards the old man’s residency. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

You hear Eren’s panicked footsteps follow after you. “He’s a retired physician!” Eren rushes to explain, ready to reach out and stop you. “He’s the one who checked on you when I first brought you here.”

You whip around. “He what?”

Eren steps back, realizing too late the mistake he’s made and that you would never have approved to a stranger examining you without your permission. “I—I was worried. You weren’t waking up. But he checked your vitals and he said you were fine. That you’d collapsed from stress and exhaustion and just needed to rest.”

You laugh mockingly. “Is that what he said?”

“I swear he doesn’t know who you are. He thinks you’re just a friend of mine, that’s it.”

You pull up your sleeve and show him the centipede tattoo on your wrist. “If he checked my vitals, he saw this. And everyone knows what this means, young or old.”

You turn back in the direction of the cabin.

“No, stop!” Eren rushes forward and steps in your path. He’s looking at you with a fierce expression, his stance firm. “I’m not going to let you hurt him.”

You raise an eyebrow at him challengingly, eyeing him from head to toe with a sneer. “You think you can stop me?”

He stands a good four inches taller than you. You’ve seen him shirtless so you know his muscles are toned despite his lean physique, but his height and weight is all he has over you… No, not even then. You’ve fought men with twice his build and fighting experience. With or without a weapon, Eren wouldn’t last five seconds against you. Of this, Eren is well aware of, and yet he refuses to back down.

“He’s a friend, Anya. Please,” he says with big pleading eyes. “You have to trust me.”

You narrow your eyes. “If he’s such a good friend, why don’t you stay here with him then?” you reply dismissively, throwing the cabin one last evaluating look before turning your back on it. “Play your cards right and you might even inherit the place after he drops dead.”

Eren looks appalled at your words, but when he notices you’ve abandoned heading towards the cabin and are now heading towards the train station, he follows after you.

“Where are you going?”

“Where else?” you growl over your shoulder. “My disappearance will have caused an uproar within my household, so until I clear things up with them, I suggest you lay low for a while if you wish to see another day.” It will honestly be a miracle if your father hasn’t declared war on the rest of the crime gangs by now.

“Or maybe…” Eren begins to say, “we could just stay here.”

You stop in your tracks.

A murder of crows fly past, their harsh cries drowning out all other sounds, but you heard Eren clear as day.

“No one knows where we are,” he presses forward with a tinge of hope when you don’t outright protest. He comes as close enough behind you as he dares. “We can take the next train away from here and leave all of this behind.”

Slowly, you turn to face him curiously, arms crossed over your chest in a relaxed manner. There’s no rush in getting home — to what awaits you. So you decide to entertain him for a little while, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of your lips.

“And why would I do that?”

But Eren is looking at you with a grave expression. “Because whatever it is that's keeping you here—it’s poisoning you. The way you collapsed at the office this morning is proof of that. You can’t keep going on like this.” His voice softens, turns sorrowful. “You are too young to hate the world so much.”

The playfulness in your eyes withers like smoke and you lower your gaze, voice low.

“You have not seen the things I’ve seen,” is all you can get out before turning away from him, resuming your way down the hill.

It is painfully clear Eren has never known darkness, never witnessed the cruelest side of humanity. And you envied him for it. All his life he has walked in the light — a path you might have once walked had your mother still been alive. But…you are not of that world anymore. You can’t keep holding onto the faded traces of a life that could have been. You could only move forward.

Eren follows closely after you. “Maybe not,” he agrees with lament. “But if you continue down the path you’re on…” His footsteps come to a stop behind you. “I fear there will be no coming back from it.”

You smirk bitterly, continuing down the path through the field and refusing to turn back for him. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

But Eren reaches out and takes your hand without warning, forcing you to halt.

You tense, startled.

A strange sensation courses through you at his touch. A burning, dangerous feeling that settles in the pit of your stomach and starts to spread through your system like sweet, treacherous poison.

Sever it. Sever it before it consumes you.

But you hesitate. Eren’s hand is warm and soft, and clings around yours tightly, as if expecting you to pull away any minute.

You should pull away. You need to pull away. Pull away!

“You don’t have to pretend with me,” Eren says behind you, unaware of your struggle as you try to smother this feeling from overtaking your senses. “I know you're in pain. I can see it in your eyes — from the moment I first met you.” He then adds in a voice laced with sympathy, “I know you’re suffering.”

You let out a sharp laugh, his words snapping you to reality. “You think that suffering?”

Yanking your wrist out of his hand with more force than necessary, you turn on him with a snarl. Any signs of him ever igniting a reaction out of you, nonexistent. “You haven’t had enough of the real thing to know what it looks like on a person. Or to know of the damage it leaves behind.”

You step towards him menacingly and Eren flinches at the open resentment he finds in your eyes.

“You seek my heart?” you jeer. “Hunt all you want. The deeper you dig, the darker it gets.”

Eren’s expression hardens. “Is that what you tell your enemies? To make them fear you? Or is that what you’ve forced yourself to believe?”

Your face twists in disgust. “You’re delusional.” You turn to walk away, having entertained this nonsense long enough. But Eren follows after you.

“No, I don't think I am,” he counters boldly behind you. “And I know you don’t think so either.”

You shake your head with disdain, refusing to listen, but Eren stalks after you.

“That mask you wear to keep people away,” he taunts behind you, “you don't just carry it like a person in desperate need of hiding something.”

You freeze in place at his words, stricken.

“You wield it like a shield…”

Too close. He is getting too close.

“…like there's something underneath still left to protect.”

You whirl on him, eyes murderous.

“Enough!” you exclaim, slicing the air in front of you with your hand like a knife, as if to cut off whatever link Eren had just tried to form with you. “You think yourself better than me because you've got some moral high ground over me?” you demand, your strides brisk as you advance towards him. “You think I need fixing? That there's something wrong with me?”

Eren steps back, startled by the unhinged look in your eyes, and you force yourself not to back down. To not soften up to his poisonous words. “I have done terrible things,” you add on with a menacingly low growl. “None of which I regret. Everything I have done I’ve done to survive. Had I not I wouldn’t be here.”

Eren looks heartbroken. “Anya—”

“So you can stop shoving your self-righteous bullshit down my throat!”

You push him against his chest, hard. He lets out a groan as his back slams against the tree you had been lying under moments ago. Cutting the last bit of space between him and rest a hand against the tree trunk, caging him in. You lean in until his breath tickles your face and you can see the specks of hazel in his green eyes as they remain locked on you.

“I don't need to be saved.” You bare your teeth at him. “Least of all by you.”

Throwing him a final look of contempt in his direction, you start to withdraw.

Eren appears confused. “Is that what you think I’m trying to do?” he asks before you can turn away. “Make you repent for your sins?”

He slowly stands to his full height, pushing himself off the tree to bring himself closer to you. You refrain from stepping back despite how close he now stands in front of you. But he’s looking down at you with such compassion and senseless endearment… If you were any ordinary girl, you would be swooning over him the way a princess falls for her prince, thinking this is where it all changes for you. The moment you’ve been waiting for your prince to come and rescue you and take you away to live out your happily ever after together.

“I’m not trying to change you,” Eren says softly, “and I don’t think you need fixing either. All I want is for you to see that all this pain and suffering and darkness you carry with you—” He reaches out a hand and brushes away loose strands of hair from your face tenderly. “You think you deserve it, but you don’t.”

You swat his hand away with a harsh, hallow sort of laugh.

All the bodies you have buried underground would disagree.

Refusing to be swayed by him, you turn to leave. Eren panics, knowing he’s loosing your attention. “Fine then!” he relents in frustration behind you. “Let me prove it. Make a business deal with me.”

Slowly, you turn on your heels, raising an eyebrow at him expectantly. “Oh?”

Eren notices the glint of amusement in your eyes and considers it safe to approach you. “If I can show you there is still good in the world,” he says carefully, “that not all people are bad, that you are capable of good and deserve good things, promise me, you’ll walk away from all this.”

You blink at him for a few seconds as you process his words before you double over to laugh hysterically at his joke. When he refrains from joining you, you straighten, dropping your smile. “Oh, you’re serious?”

Eren works his jaw, but his eyes do not waver.

Your expression darkens as you start to circle around him. “And how do you plan on doing that exactly? Humans are sinful creatures by nature. If you want there to be good in the world, you’ll have to wipe all of humanity out of existence.” You cock your head to the side, taunting him. “You up for that?”

He glares at you, knowing you’re mocking him. “You and your family will be surprised to learn murder isn't always the answer to everything.”

“No.” You grin. “But it is the solution.”

He casts you a disapproving look. “Anya—”

You raise a finger to silence him. “I have a counter offer. One that just might save your life.”

You point south, in the opposite direction of the city and the Founding Sector. “I can't guarantee you won’t be hunted down by my people after today, but I am more than willing to give you a head start.”

Eren looks to where you point, then back at you. But you can see the resolve in his eyes and know his decision has already been made.

“I’m not leaving without you,” he tells you firmly before stepping past you. He takes the lead down the open field towards the train tracks, expecting you to follow suit.

But you remain where you stand, watching the spot on the ground where he had been standing just seconds ago with a blank expression.

“You're heading down a path you should be running away from,” you warn, your back to him.

You hear his footsteps stop short.

“I’ll turn around,” Eren promises over his shoulder. After a beat, he adds, “Right when you do.”

With your back to him, Eren does not see you flinch as an unwelcoming sharpness hits you square in the chest.

Jaw clenched, you turn to watch him go for a moment longer as a mixture of frustration and unknown sorrow overtakes you before you reluctantly follow after him.

You don’t understand how or why—whether it’s the clean air, the lack of noise, or the lack of people—but you’d come to notice during your talk with Eren that you’d stopped feeling sick. Your demons are eerily quiet and the girl that constantly haunts your mind has made no appearances since you’ve been alone with him. It’s why you’d allowed your conversation with him to keep going for as long as it did.

For a crippling moment, you wonder if maybe he has something to do with it. That if you keep him close, he might be able to keep your demons at bay the way a ray of sunshine keeps away even the deepest of darkness.

But then you catch yourself. Remember the reality of it all. The danger that comes from such wishful thinking. To runaway from the darkest parts of yourself, to forget the suffering, the grief, the heartache—all the various forms of poison you swallowed down to make yourself immune to this life—was the most dishonorable, despicable, cowardly thing you could ever do. You wouldn’t be turning your back on just your family, you’d be betraying yourself.

Everything you were raised to believe and swore to avenge…

No. You could not give that up.

You wouldn’t.

Your father had given you all that you needed to survive in this world: power, ambition, strength, purpose. Everything else, he had said, was a luxury meant for the weak. You, being the child that you were, believed it. Which is why, ingrained into your very essence, is the one truth he never let you forget: life is cruel, but you are crueler.

So deep in your thoughts you are, you don’t pick up on the heavy footsteps treading behind you as quickly as you should have. You’re already halfway down the hill, watching after Eren from a distance — much like the way Jean or Mikasa do when they guard over you — when you finally sense the presence behind you.

In one swift movement, you reach for your gun and direct it at the threat behind you.

“No! Don’t!” Eren cries out the second he hears you pull out your gun. Seconds later he stands before you, shielding the mysterious stranger from you and your weapon. “Don't shoot. It’s just Mr. Kruger. The land owner I told you about.”

You glance over Eren’s shoulder. To a man old enough to be your grandfather. He wears a gray wool vest over a white collared shirt that compliments his dark colored trousers. Over his silver hair is a dark-gray flat cap that reminds you of the ones Connie, Jean, and Levi are always wearing. And though the old man carries a walking cane for support and has got on a pair of thinly round rimmed eyeglasses—further assuring you of how harmless he is—you don’t miss the way Mr. Kruger glances with sage, glassy eyes from the gun you have pointed in his direction to the wrist on your opposite hand. At the tattoo he knows he’ll find there.

For the briefest moment, he locks eyes with you, pinning you in place as he searches for something you have no notion of. The heaviness in his gaze prevents you from looking away, catching you off guard. It isn’t until he breaks eye contact from you first that he releases you from his trance. His weary features soften then and he smiles, nodding in Eren’s direction as if in approval of something.

“Would you like to stay for dinner?” Kruger asks you and Eren cheerfully, as if he were asking his grandchildren and not a dangerously unhinged woman pointing a gun at him. “I made cabbage soup.”

Your face wrinkles in disgust, but not having deemed the old man a threat to you, you slowly start to lower your weapon.

“We should stay,” Eren starts to suggest gently now that you appear more at ease. “You haven’t eaten anything all day.”

A bored expression sits over your features as you start to turn away. “Stay if you want. I have more pressing matters to attend to.”

Eren scowls at the dismissiveness in your tone, but much to your surprise, he doesn’t press you any further, and with a huff of frustration, leaves your side to join the old man in the opposite direction.

You, however, appear unfazed and keep your attention fixed on the path leading you back home.

You don’t belong here, you repeat to yourself like a mantra*. Leave him. Keep walking. Don’t look back. Don’t you dare look back.*

You almost reach the end of the trail, already surrendering to the idea that Eren has actually listened to you and is staying put for the sake of his own life, when you hear Eren’s footsteps quickly catching up to you.

You work your jaw as he falls into step beside you.

“What are you doing?” you demand sharply, glimpsing back at Kruger over your shoulder, having thought the old man would have knocked some sense into him.

Either Eren doesn’t hear the hint of warning in your voice or he chooses to ignore it as he continues forward. “I already told you I’m staying by your side,” he answers you plainly, as if it were the most natural thing to do in the world. As if there was nothing more he’d rather do than be with you.

You slide your gaze down to the train tracks that have crossed in your path with cool indifference.

“Your funeral,” you tell him flatly.

Taking a left, you follow the tracks north, concentrating very hard—and failing—to ignore the sense of contentment you feel at having Eren’s bright presence beside you.

But how can you just ignore the warm feeling unfurling inside you after knowing Eren had chosen you over everything else? Was it really so wrong? To let this unfold? To see how this would play out? It was sinful, you knew. Tragedy ran through your veins. This would only end in blood.

And yet, you can’t help walk towards it willingly all the same.

—

By the time you and Eren arrive at the Founding Sector in the taxi you’d hailed from the city’s train station, you feel more like yourself again. In fact, you feel more recharged than you’ve felt in a while.

You glimpse over at Eren sitting beside you in the back of the taxi, looking out the car window. He’s unaware of your eyes on him, or of the way the moonlight shines down on him through his side of the window.

He looks unreal, and so so terribly out of place. How long did he have before that bright and hopeful outlook he had of the world, of you, tarnished?

Unless, of course, there really was some truth to what he claimed to see in you…That there really was a life out there for you to live without turmoil, a life without death and darkness looming over your shoulder day in and day out.

But the moment the taxi turns into Trost Lane and gets close enough for you to see your townhouse, your childish hope for peace fades. From the car window you can catch a glimpse of your cadre gathered together in the front porch with overly stressed and worried expressions. Seeing them now for some reason makes you recall the state you’d found them all in when the world had chewed them all up and spat them back out, leaving them battered and ruined and utterly hopeless.

Shadows approaching from down the street catch your attention and you quickly identify them as Levi and his two guards, Furlan and Isabel. It’s Levi who appears the most agitated and murderous out of your cadre though, as he and his guards arrive seconds later and join your cadre up your front porch, as if to exchange intel.

A sense of comfort and belonging settles over you, like a warm blanket on a cold winter day, at seeing them all together.

These people knew you, understood the reason for your cruelness, had seen the worst parts of you, and continuously choose to stay in spite of it. They deem you strong, powerful, untouchable. You cannot be any of that if you’re pining over a pipe dream, a false sense of peace that is as fragile and unattainable as the hopes of restoring whatever goodness there might still be left within you.

When the taxi pulls up in front of your home, everyone standing on your front porch turns to it with sharp, wary eyes, subtly reaching for weapons concealed under coats. With everyone’s focus on finding you, they know not to put it past your enemies to try and take advantage of the current situation to attack the Ymir clan. Not to mention, it’s almost midnight. The lack of lighting does not allow them to see who’s inside the vehicle so they don’t realize it’s you until you step out of the car.

At the sight of you, Historia drops to the floor in relief as Mikasa exclaims your name in surprise.

You smirk, standing before them as if nothing is amiss. “Why the long faces?” you ask, shutting the car door behind you and sliding your hands casually in the pocket of your trousers.

They continue to stare at you in disbelief, trying to process the fact that you’ve appeared before them of your own accord.

“You’re… okay,” Mikasa musters out, starting to break out of the shock of seeing you again to stumble towards you.

But Levi beats her to it and pulls you in his strong embrace, not bothering to hide his relief at the sight of you. You collide against his chest, and for the briefest moment, you submit to him, enjoying his warmth and solid form pressed against you as you inhale his familiar scent. But before you can pull away first, he pulls back to grab your face in his hands.

“Where is he?” Levi demands while subtly looking you over to make sure you’re unharmed. “Did he hurt you?”

As if in answer, Eren steps out of the taxi from the opposite door.

Immediately, your cadre tense.

But it’s Levi who, at the sight of Eren, steps in front of you protectively and positions you behind him. “Take her inside,” Levi orders to your cadre, starting to move towards Eren. “I’ll deal with him myself.”

You laugh at Levi mockingly before he can take another step closer to Eren.

“Trying to swoop in and play the hero now, are you?”

Levi halts, hearing the underlying meaning in your tone. He turns to you with a frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You turn away from Levi with a pointed look before dragging your gaze over to your cadre, demanding their attention just as the taxi pulls away and Eren subtly comes to stand behind you.

“Why is it that everyone here always thinks I need saving?” you ask with a hint of annoyance. “You think I can’t hold my own ground without you lot there watching over me? I survived well on my own before any one of you came into my life.” You run your eyes over each one of them meaningfully, leaving Levi for last. “Don’t think I can’t survive without you.”

Levi scowls. “You disappeared without a trace,” he reminds you with a growl. “For hours. No one knew where you were. How the hell did you expect us to react?”

You sneer. “Did it ever occur to you that maybe I just wanted to get away from you?” You flash your eyes over to Mikasa and Jean, the wound of resentment towards them in particular still fresh in your mind. “From all of you.”

A sleek black automobile pulls up just then. A car you recognize all too well, and you turn to throw Levi a murderous glare. But Levi is looking back at you unapologetically. His deadpan gaze is tinged with anger out of your disregard for others.

Beside you, Eren wisely shifts away from the car and further to your left, where neither your cadre or the newcomer can reach him without getting to you first.

A well-dressed man in a suit and long, dark coat steps out of the parked vehicle. His black patent shoes grind against the pavement as he comes to his full height, a devilish grin forming at the sight of you.

Thomas Ymir stands before you and your inner circle—notorious ringleader to one of the biggest criminal empires in the Paradis underworld.

A ruthless, power-hungry, vicious man and ... the one you so boldly call father.

3 notes · View notes

shingia · 2 years

Text

not many people would be willing to be used as a way to prove eren jaeger wrong. but jean kirstein would, as long as he gets something out of it.

CHAPTER 1: PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

↳ series masterlist

↳ cw: mentions of alcohol, swearing | wc: 2.5k

↳ jean kirstein x f!reader

four knocks, always the same rhythm.

that left no place to doubt.

mikasa stepped out of the bathroom, her hair still dripping from her shower, and she shot you an amused look as she headed towards the door.

it didn’t matter how many times you had told armin that he was allowed to use his spare key whenever he came to join you for breakfast - which happened almost every morning now that him and eren were living in the apartment right above yours - he was obviously still reluctant to do it.

“hi” mikasa greeted the two boys standing in your doorframe, and stepped aside to let them come in.

if armin looked fresh as ever, his hands busy with two cups of coffee, eren, on the other hand, looked like he had not slept in the past 36 hours. which might have been true.

dark circles, dirty hair that he had tied in a bun, probably thinking it would make it better, and red eyes. it was hard to believe that he would be heading to class in less than thirty minutes.

“let me guess” you put your book down on the coffee table, nodding a ‘thanks’ to armin who was handing you the coffee cup with your name scribbled on it, “rough night?”.

eren sat on one of the high chairs surrounding your kitchen counter, the ones you had bought with sasha last weekend. “best night ever you mean” he answered in a muffled voice, his face buried in his arms.

his voice was raspy, the voice of someone who had drank a tiny bit too much last night. already, mikasa was dropping an aspirin in a glass of water that she handed to him. “thanks” he told her in a relieved tone, before drinking it all in one go and slamming it back on the counter. probably muscle memory from the insane amount of shots he must have drunk yesterday. “i told you, you guys should’ve come”, he wiped his lips with the sleeve of his hoodie, “even armin had the time of his life”.

it was almost comical how fast mikasa and you simultaneously turned around to look at your other friend, eager to see his reaction.

“it was okay”, the blonde nuanced eren’s claims as he sank further into your couch, making his roommate roll his eyes, “not really my thing but it’s not like i had a choice anyways”.

mikasa and you shared a knowing look, remembering for how long eren had begged him to come along yesterday, after you two had made it very clear that you would stay home with sasha. eren didn’t seem to understand that you guys might not really feel thrilled by the prospect of spending your evening exclusively around political science students. not that there was any problem with them in particular, but the fear of not fitting in was a good enough excuse.

“i swear you guys are missing out on so many things”, eren crossed his arms, leaning against the backrest of his chair, “but you’re too stuck-up to mingle with the others”.

it was now armin’s turn to give eren a roll of the eyes, and his were much more deadly. ‘here we go again’ you heard mikasa mutter under her breath.

“so what, we’re supposed to be looking forward to getting fucked up four times a week?”, you asked him with a frown. if only sasha had not spent the night at niccolo’s, she could’ve ended this conversation a bit more lightheartedly. but she had, unfortunately. “and besides, we can mingle very well on our own, thank you very much for your concern, jaeger”.

you loved eren dearly, he had been one of your best friends for several years now, but there was something borderline insufferable about him whenever he was hungover.

“oh yeah?” he scoffed, stretching his arms with a yawn, “i’d love to see you prove me wrong”.

maybe your coffee was extra-caffeinated this morning. or maybe it was just eren being an extra-asshole, but something made you reply to his remark instead of just letting it go like you normally would have.

“alright. i will”, you stood up, showing him exactly how serious you were being. behind you, mikasa and armin weren’t missing a thing from your interaction.

“really?” eren stood up as well, with an intrigued smirk; but immediately had to lean on the counter to keep his head from spinning too much - which made it difficult to hold back a laugh, “…what about this: i’ll bet you anything that you can’t hook up with someone from uni in less than two weeks”.

although your gaze was fixed on eren, you guessed - based on the noise - that mikasa was letting out the biggest sigh ever. an understandable reaction, which probably would have been yours if you hadn’t been at the receiving end of this bet. armin, however, could not stay quiet:

“eren that’s not-” he tried to intervene, “i’m sure she can find other ways to mingle”. but he didn't even have time to finish his sentence that you were already shaking hands together.

eren knew exactly what he was doing, and you liked to think that you did too… but when he left your apartment to head to his first class of the day a few minutes later, he also left you with the impression that maybe you had gotten a little ahead of yourself. something that mikasa and armin’s stares only increased tenfold.

however, you had a secret weapon that he probably hadn’t thought of. or rather, two secret weapons. one was named connie and the other was named sasha.

the only disadvantage of studying for the same degree as connie and sasha was that it was getting harder and harder not to share their habit of skipping classes. today, however, seemed to be your lucky day: both of them had attended all of your communication classes, and connie had even helped you take notes, which only happened once in a blue moon.

but luckily for them, you had a reward for their diligence throughout the day.

all three of you were sat on a patch of grass next to the campus’ science building, waiting for mikasa’s last class to end. and it seemed like the perfect moment to bring them up to date on what had happened this morning.

“so… i made a bet with eren today” you blurted out and closed your textbook - which you weren’t actually reading anyways, putting it on the wooden bench behind you.

your friends were sat face to face, playing a card game that you were pretty sure they had invented, and sasha was still eating the snack niccolo had made for her this morning.

“what kind of bet?” connie inquired but didn’t look up, right before slamming a card on top of sasha’s with a victorious grin. she frowned at the realization that he had beaten her once again, but her food was probably too delicious for her to actually get mad.

“i have to hook up with someone from here in the next two weeks…”

your announcement was apparently shocking enough for a slice of tomato to stay stuck in sasha’s throat. used to that, connie slapped her back a few times - maybe a bit too strong to her liking - but this time, he remained entirely focused on you.

“you what? what kind of bet is that?”

“a stupid one, but that’s not the point. we shook hands, so i can’t back out” you told him, and he seemed to agree with the last part, “anyways… i need you guys to help me”.

sasha’s coughing fit was slowly coming to its end, but it seemed like she still needed a few seconds to come around. connie, however, had never been more alert:

“wait- do you… i mean, are you asking one of us to hook up with you?” he ventured to ask, but his confused face quickly turned into a confident one, “because you know… i’m always willing to help a friend out”.

the slap you gave to the back of his head was more than deserved. and he couldn’t deny it, so he simply put his hands up in capitulation. too early for teasing, he thought to himself.

“oh! i know exactly what you need!” sasha finally spoke up, excitedly pointing at you with her fork, and you noticed that her mouth was already full, once again, “you, my dear, need to go to one of porco galliard’s parties”.

you only knew a few things about ‘the’ porco galliard. he was a few years older, majoring in business and management, and a member of eren’s basketball team. but what mattered the most, was that he also happened to throw the wildest parties of the entire university. many people said that your college experience wasn’t complete until you had experienced a ‘galliard party’.

“niccolo told me he was throwing one this saturday. and if there's one place where people hook up with each other, it's there” she remarked, and rightfully so, “maybe he can get us all in!”

“eren would lose his fucking mind if he could” you laughed, remembering how he was always fuming everytime he realized that porco hadn’t invited him, “thank you sash... although i still can’t believe we’re seriously considering this”.

but connie, who had not said a word since your palm had hit the back of his head, was suddenly struck by a flash of genius, and quickly patted sasha’s shoulder to get her attention, as she was already pulling out her phone to text her boyfriend.

“we’re so dumb. we already know someone who can definitely get us in”

a few seconds of hesitation followed connie’s words, but the look he gave sasha let you know that she would eventually understand who he was talking about. and indeed, you could pinpoint the exact moment when her brain made the connection, when her lips rounded in a perfect ‘o’.

a smile crept on both of their faces: “JEAN” they exclaimed in unison, pointing at each other.

you knew jean about as well as you knew porco. the only difference being that he was a close friend of connie and sasha, and that you had seen him a couple more times than porco, but never for too long. actually, you were wondering if you two had already had a conversation…

the fact that your interactions were so scarce could have been surprising, considering how much time connie and sasha spent with him. but then you remembered: jean was ‘that tall guy’ in eren’s basketball team, the one he wasn’t very fond of… so that explained why he wasn’t around more often.

“i’m texting him right now” connie told you, his fingers already typing at lightspeed, “but i’m 100% sure he can get us in, he’s a good friend of porco”.

“management majors privilege…” sasha sighed and laid down on the grass, hands resting on her belly to process all the food she had just gulped down, “but connie’s right. jean himself said he’d invite us to one of galliard’s parties. trust me, there’s no way in hell we’re letting you lose that bet”.

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#NOBODY’S GONNA KNOW — ♟#made with love 💌#alma.aot #aot x reader #jean kirstein x reader #aot fic #aot fanfiction #snk x trader #jean kirstein x you #aot college au #snk college au #jean kirstein college au #eren jaeger #eren jaeger college au #aot x female reader #jean kirstein x female reader

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besotted-eros · 3 years

Text

Obsessed!Eren Headcanons+

Genre: SFW Headcanons + NSFW scene under cut

Summary: Eren being helplessly in love with you, and the night where he could show you just how bad.

Content: Bit of toxic jealousy, obsessive thoughts, losing virginity, romance,established relationship,oral (female receiving), unprotected sex

AN: Take some fluff, take some angst, take some smut and don't say I don't feed you

Eren loves so deeply, so passionately, so possessively. From the moment his heart decides on you, you are twisted in him. Yours is the first name on his lips in the morning, whether he wakes up beside you, or in a barracks beside Armin. Or in a jail cell alone. He thinks of you obsessively, weaving you into everything he does.

He used to follow you, sorting his schedule by yours. You would find him by your door, by the table you liked to read at, waiting for you expectantly.

It's almost scary sometimes. He makes your breath falter with his intensity, his need for you. You know he means it that he'll go mad if he ever loses you.

He keeps a note you wrote him in the inner pocket of his jacket. It doesn't say much, a quick entreatment to sleep and eat, your name signed with love. When he salutes his fist rests over it. He pledges to more than the scouts. It remains there long after his last salute.

He steals your hair ties, often reaching up to touch his hair when your absence gets too much. When his hair is down, falling below his shoulders like a chestnut curtain, he keeps it around his wrist. When he loses himself in the fog of memories that don't belong to him, he snaps it. It reminds him of the way you'd tap the back of his hand, pulling him back into the world of the living. You are his anchor.

He refuses to keep his hands off you in public, even if it gets him in trouble. No amount of scolding from Levi will make him stop touching your waist as you pass by during training, or pulling you in for a kiss before zipping away. Your friends become use to it, the way Eren will pull you against him when you sit together, or move you into his lap. His hands will rest on your hips, rub your shoulders. But he loves holding your hand above all. It's the way the world knows you are tied. Bound.

There are only a few people allowed to touch you. Mikasa, Armin. Sasha on good days. One time Jean attempted to throw a casual arm around you as you spoke, and was quickly thrown to the ground. Yes, Eren and Jean fought. But this time was different. Eren spat in his face, baring his teeth as he delivering a bone crunching punch. "Don't. Fucking. Touch her." He growled, sounding more animal than man. He never apologised for that. You were careful to keep your space from other men too.

When you're apart he is hollow. Listless. He imagines what you're doing, if you're safe. If you're missing him. He pictures you in trouble without him, and it stirs him into action, to find you faster. To wrap you in his arms, the only place you'll ever truly be safe.

When you reunite, it brings him to tears. They quiver in the corners of his verdant eyes as he tenderly cradles you, large hands stroking through your hair. He buries his face in you so you won't see them. And he says your name. Over and over. Like a chant. Like a prayer. Like a thank you.

There is one time that those tears fall. It is when he takes you, when he gives himself to you.

The evening had been perfect, ignoring the upcoming trip to Marley that weighed heavily on all minds. You didn't want to think about that, instead focusing on the spiced wine that Levi had quietly pushed into your hands while Hange grinned from behind him. And the way Eren traced circles on your knee, his normal stoic face softened into a half smile.

You snuck away from your friends, leaving Connie and Sasha bellowing a war song while Mikasa tried to force Sasha's shirt back on. You had tapped his wrist, and soon you were out of the mess hall, holding onto each other as you stumbled into the moonlight. You kissed, soft and repeated, your lips unbearably supple under his. Eren wondered if the butterflies would ever fade as your head leaned against his shoulder. He never wanted them to. He wanted to love you like he was free falling from a wall, with his heart in his throat and life bursting from every pore.

Soon you found yourself at the door to the room you shared with Mikasa and Sasha. This is where you would usually part, with him kissing your forehead goodnight. He would quell his thoughts of you in the shower later, your name hot on his tongue as the cool water cascaded over his firm body.

But this time you pulled him in.

When he laid you on the bed, your soft hair splayed across the over the pillow like a sunburst, his heart stopped. He had seen this before. He had dreamt it. There was no god to Eren, no angels. But in that moment he knew he had found someone to worship.

But nothing could have prepared him for how it felt. Lips meeting like crashing waves, the soft gasps that left your throat as his hands found parts of you no one else would ever touch. He wanted to run his fingers across every inch, to discover you like a new world. Here, the dip of your hips. There they smooth into your legs, here into your ass where the flesh was soft and pliable under his fingers. His thumb brushed across your lips, and when you took into your mouth, tongue tracing the pad of it, he groaned.

He could have ruined you right then and there. But he held back.

Eren memorized you, the feel of your chest against his and the way you kissed his collarbone until it was a field of blooming bruises. Tomorrow he would wear his shirt unbuttoned, wearing your love like a medal. He returned the favour in tenfold, leaving blossoms of soft purple across your neck. They were rewards for every time you touched him. How good it felt. Eren had never felt this good. Soon your chest was littered with them, his mouth hot and desperate on your breasts. Here he seemed to say. I have touched you here, and here. I loved you there, and there.

You spoke his name into the night like a prayer. The want in it, the need of him. It twisted his stomach into a rosary as he held your face and kissed you like a blessing. He liked how your mouth formed him, called him forth into the world. He wanted more of that.

So he kissed his way down, teeth sneaking out every once in a while to nip at your supple skin. You found where you wanted him most, where you throbbed with want. You were so delicate under his fingers as he dipped them into you, walls fluttering as your toes curled. Your hands found his hair, encouraging him further as his tongue slid against your clit, making you buck.

He could do this to you. He could make you putty under his fingers. This strong, demanding woman who slayed those who threatened her, reduced to whimpering his name.

His. Eren was making you his. He was defiling you in the softest of ways, pressing your legs open, your slick slit parting for him. He dragged his tongue up, down, up again to circle your throbbing clit. When you looked down at him, his eyes were glazed green glass, your wetness making his lips shine. He pulled his fingers out, holding the soaked fingers towards you. Obediently you took them into your mouth, and he gasped against your warmth, sucking at your clit in response and making you throw your head back. Your throat exposed, vulnerable and ridden with angry bruises.

He couldn't handle it. His shaft was hard against the bed as he pressed into it, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. And then you pulled up, tugging his long hair. You licked yourself off his lips, tasting how you coated his tongue. Your legs were still spread, exposed for him. Eren angled himself, his dripping head aligned with your wet entrance, while he kissed his love into you.

"Please," you asked, it was all Eren needed.

And then you were connected. His fingers found yours, and you held tightly to his hand as hips rocked against yours. Your eyes were closed, pinched tightly at the sensation of pleasure and pain radiating from the warmth between your legs. He was big. He was so big.

Eren whispered your name.

"Look at me. Look at me while we do this." He murmured, his nose tracing your cheek as he peppered soft kisses on your jaw.

You did, meeting his green gaze. His mouth opened, a kick of pleasure making his toes curl as he adored you. The way you stared up at him, a look he would never see you give another. Your hand moved to cup his cheek, breasts bouncing as his body picked up speed. He was desperate. He was aching. He had pictured you like this for so long, but his dreams held no candle to the way your walls gripped him.

"Never. Never let another man touch you." He panted, his heart soaring as you nodded, nails digging into his shoulder as you held on to him, feeling him rail into you. "Be mine. Be forever mine. Please y/n..." His voice broke as he picked you up from the bed, needing to feel even closer. Even tighter. Your legs wrapped around him in response as your moans hit a fervored pitch. He gripped your thighs, using them to bounce you up and down his veiny shaft, using you to milk him. Eren sat back, letting the moonlight bathe your back as your hair stuck to your skin, mingling with his.

"I love you." He said. It cut through your incoherent moans, your whimpers of satisfaction. You pulled back to rest your forehead against his, letting yourself stare at him. To be seen by him. He could have done anything to look at you forever, to live his world only through your eyes.

"I love you too, 'ren." You whispered, and it pushed him over the edge. He slammed you back into the bed, load whines ripping from his throat as his hips snapped against yours over and over. You. You. You. You invaded his every sense, his every particle. You were Eren's everything.

When he came, it was like a dam breaking. Flooding you, making you cream around him. You overflowed with him, and he was at once addicted to the sensation. You cried out with him, your moans mingling as his hot mouth overtook yours. His cheeks were wet. He shook as you kissed, collapsing against you. His body was hot and muscular, the scratches you left on his back steaming slightly.

You lay there for peaceful moments, pressing your face into the top of his head while he listened to your heartbeat. He would do anything to ensure that it would never stop. He was going to do anything to ensure it never stopped.

Even if that meant he wouldn't always be there to hear it.

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folklorelise · 3 years

Text

Captain’s girlfriend taking care of the kids

PART 1: here

- Eren when his experiments fail

When you found out that Eren was a titan, you and Hange would talk about non-stop which would drive Levi crazy.

”Erwin agreed to my experiments!” Hange informed you one morning, really excited.

”Can I come please?”

”Levi’s the boss, gotta ask him.”

”He’ll say yes!” you cheered.

Hange brought you to the old survey corps headquarters which was where the experiments would take place. It was also where Levi’s squad where.

”Leviii!” you yelled happily.

”No.” Levi stated once you were beside him.

”What do you mean ‘no’?”

”I meant no you’re not supposed to be here. How did you even know about Eren?”

”Hange told me because I am their best friend! Please let me stay.” you begged him. To your luck, Levi loved you, so he agreed to it. ”But you stay behind me, I don’t want that titan touching you.”

You greeted Eren just before he went into the pit.

”Eren, you got this!”

”Thank you Y/N.” Eren answered nervously. ”You are going to be there?”

”Yes, I’ll there the whole time so don’t worry about it.”

But during the experiment Eren just couldn’t transform, no matter how hard he tried to bit his hand over and over again.

”We should stop, he’s obviously hurt.” you protested.

”It’s Hange call.” Levi explained while taking you far from Eren in case he would transform.

”Y/N! Come back please, Eren’s hands aren’t healing either.” Hange screamed.

You ran to Eren and started to put alcohol on his hand and bandage everything.

”Are you feeling alright Eren?” you asked.

”Why can’t I transform?”

But before you could say anything, Hange took Eren. Levi walked to you and took your hand in his.

”Don’t worry about him. He’s going to be fine, he’s a titan.”

”Yeah...”

That night, you brought Eren his food.

”I’m not really hungry.” Eren assured.

”You have to eat, you didn’t eat anything at lunch too so you have to now.” you said putting his tray on his bed. ”Don’t force me to feed you like I did with Jean.”

”Fine.” he laughed.

”It’s alright if you didn’t transform today.”

”I disappointed everyone! Squad leader Hange had so much faith in me and I did nothing.”

”Eren, honestly, it’s fine because you don’t know how this works. Trust me, you’re doing great.” you smiled.

”Y/N...”

”Yes?”

”I heard something earlier. Something about the Captain.”

”Oh? What about the Captain?”

”Hange said that the Captain and you are... you know.” Eren ranted.

Except for the squad leaders and the commander, no one knew Levi was in a relationship with you. You did not hide it but wouldn’t scream it on top of every roof either.

”No actually, I don’t.” you hesitated.

”Captain Levi and you are... intimate with each other.” Eren whispered the last part.

”Yeager!” Levi yelled from outside the cell startling both Eren and you.

”Captain Levi!” Eren saluted him, spilling his soup on his bed.

”Clean that mess. Y/N, Hange is asking for you.” Levi waited for you to leave before talking to Eren, ”I didn’t know you were into gossip.”

”I’m not sir, Captain, sir. I apologise!”

Levi did not say another word and left Eren alone so he could find you.

”Hange didn’t need me.” you said once Levi entered his bedroom. ”What did you say to Eren?”

”Nothing.”

”Riight. Anyway, let’s sleep because there’s nothing else we can do.”

”I can think of one thing we can do.” Levi whispered next to your ear.

—————

- Armin after he killed a guy to save Jean

You were fighting alongside with Levi against Kenny and his soldiers.

”I can take care of this Y/N, go back to the kids.” Levi ordered.

”I’m helping!”

When you went back to the cadets, you spotted Jean corned by one of Kenny’s pawn. You were ready to shoot the person, but a gun was fired before you could. You thought for a second that Jean was shot dead, but that unknown person collapsed right in front of Jean. You moved to where he was and found Armin with his gun still pointing toward the dead body.

”Oh...” you mumbled, ”Armin, are you okay honey?” you knelt down to him.

”I... I killed someone.” he voiced absently.

At night, you were preparing the bedrooms in the abandoned house before joining the rest of the squad outside.

”... you save Jean.” Levi said.

You looked at him asking him what they were talking about and he nodded toward Armin.

”We should all go to sleep, it has been a long day.” you suggested.

Before walking away, you made sure Jean was doing great and then you went to see Armin. He was sitting in the corridor, holding his gun as if his life depended on it. You sat down next to him and he automatically rested his head on your shoulder.

”You did great today. You saved your friend’s life.” you tried to cheer him up.

”Levi said the same thing.”

”Levi’s never wrong.”

”I...” Armin started after a long pause, ”I constantly feel like I’m going to puke and I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes, I see myself pulling the trigger.” he finished sobbing. You circled your arms around him and told him it was going to be fine.

”Do you want me to stay so you could sleep?”

”I- you have to sleep with the Captain though...”

”You can come in our bedroom then, I think there a couch there.” you cheered softly.

”Captain Levi wouldn’t agree.” Armin guessed.

”Don’t worry I’m sure he’ll say yes.”

—————

”What? No!” Levi shouted.

”Oh my! Not that loud! Armin is just outside!” you shouted back just as loud, ”but please say yes.”

”Is he supposed to sleep between us or something?”

”I was thinking about... hm, how do I put this delicately?” you asked yourself, ”I was thinking you should sleep on the couch because it might be uncomfortable for him to sleep with you.” you said cautiously.

Levi stared at you without smiling, saying ‘are you serious?’. Armin at this moment came in the bedroom worried.

”I don’t to be the cause of a fight, I can sleep with the others, it’s fine!” Armin inquired.

”Fine.” Levi sighed, ”but I’m not sleeping on that that thing.” he showed the old couch.

”The bed’s big, it’s fine!”

You were in the middle while Armin was on your left and Levi on your right. Armin fell asleep rather quickly while you and Levi were still awake.

”So that’s how my life’s going to look like? You and these kids?” Levi stated.

”They won’t be needing me anymore in a few years, so then it’s going to be just you and I. How does that sound?”

”Great. Sounds great to me.” he answered while spooning you. ”Are you really spooning Armin?” Levi asked you.

”Yeah, it’s more comfortable for the three of us, believe me.”

—————

- The night after Armin was captured as Historia (after that weirdo who said weird things and touched my boi)

When you found Jean and Armin, you kicked that old pervert in the balls and threw in far away from Armin. That same night, you found him crying silently outside of your tent. You and Levi sat down beside him.

”You did great.” Levi told him.

”I’m sorry you had to go through that.” you said.

”I think he’s asleep,” Levi started, ”That boy falls asleep so quickly when you’re here, it’s insane”

”Should we just sleep here?”

Levi ended up carrying Armin to his tent and you and Levi stayed with him, because neither of you could sleep anyway. Through the middle of the night, Jean opened Armin’s tent slightly and you came out.

”What’s wrong?” you asked worried.

”I just wanted to make sure Armin was alright.”

”He’s asleep which is great. You can’t sleep either?” you saw that Jean just looked away blushing, ”come, there’s enough place for a giant like you.” you joked.

When you came back Armin was awake.

”Why aren’t you sleeping?” you asked to which he responded with a shrug. ”Let’s all go back to sleep, and that includes you too Levi.”

Levi was right when he said that his life would the kids as long as you were there.

—————

- After the serum had to be given to Armin

Hange was screaming that Erwin had to have the serum. Mikasa and Eren were screaming that Armin should have it instead. While they were screaming, you were silently crying over Erwin’s almost dead body. Levi looked at you and for a second he thought about given Erwin the serum, but in the end, he gave it to Armin. When Levi made his move, you broke down crying, you were a mess.

You knew Levi had a special bond with Erwin and giving the serum to someone else was a hard choice. On top of that, Erwin was one of your closest friends. Which meant that you knew about his goal of discovering the secret about titans. And knowing how close he was to fulfil his dream broke your heart. Hange was beside you, on their knees beside Erwin. Very soon after, Levi joined the two of you.

”Y/N,” Levi started, ”I-”

”W-we have... we have to bury hi-his body.” you said sobbing uncontrollably, ”we can’t... we can’t just let him here.”

”Y/N, we still have to go to the basement.” Hange explained while you refused to let go of Erwin.

”I can stay here, I can wait for you to come back.” you chocked on your words.

That night, you hardly had any sleep. Levi holds you in his arms the whole night. By the morning, you had stopped crying, there were no tears left to cry.

”Do you want to go and eat?” Levi asked you.

”Not hungry.”

”I’m still going to grab some bread for us.”

The day passed too slowly for you, you stayed in the infirmary the whole day, but no one needed help - almost every member of the survey corps were dead anyway. But someone still knock on your door late in the afternoon. Before you could answer, the door opened on Armin. None of you talked - you could only assume that Eren and Mikasa filled him in about what happen.

”I can’t replace Commander Erwin.” Armin whispered. ”Please don’t hate me.” he faltered.

”What? I could never hate any of you! How — why would even think that?” you yelled.

”Erw—”

”Erwin’s dead yes, I know! But— all that matters is that you are here, and I’m glad you are.” you calmed down. ”I’m glad you’re still alive.”

Armin came running toward you and hugged you so tight that you could hardly breath.

”I thought you’d hate me.” Armin confessed.

”I would never because I love you.”

- Reunion with Reiner

When you heard Gabi saying that Reiner had passed out, you follow her without saying anything. She showed you the house where Reiner was, and you opened the door slowly. He was on the ground, wrapped up in an old and thin blanket.

”Reiner?” you asked softly next to his ear, ”wake up and tell me if you’re hurt somewhere, Gabi told me you couldn’t heal properly.”

He groaned and opened his eyes. The last time you saw him was during the Shiganshina attack he planned with Bertolt and Zeke.

”I-”

”Reiner, are you alright?” Gabi asked worried.

”I just need to rest.” Reiner answer looking away from your stare.

You sat down and put Reiner’s head on your lap so he would be more comfortable.

”Sleep a bit before the others come, then we’ll move again.” you told him.

”I’m sorry.” Reiner whispered. He turned his head toward your stomach and curled up on himself. He was so afraid that you reject him after what he did, but he was one of your kids — you could never throw them away when they needed you.

—————

RANDOM HCs

- Sasha would always ask you for your food because she knew you could never refuse.

- You always helped Connie take care of his mother after she was turned into a titan.

- One of your ritual with Armin would be reading together at night, before sleep. After hearing your stories from when he was sick during the training days, he never got tired of hearing them.

- Mikasa teaching you combat skills because she does not want you to die during expeditions.

- Once during training years, you tried to separate Jean and Eren and received a punch from Eren. They apologised a lot and you said it was fine, but Levi was so mad he almost went there himself to kick their butts.

- Reiner, Bertolt and Annie feeling bad because you were always so nice toward them. Plus, when you saw Annie again, you just hugged her and told her you were glad she was back.

—————

MASTERLIST

NEXT POST IS GOING TO BE: that one time the kids called you ”mom” and that one time Jean called Captain Levi ”dad” —> really excited to write this one :D

Also, yes it was a lot of Armin but when I made my rough drafts of ideas, it was a lot of Armin. Also (x2) shorter than expected but yeah, wanted to get this out of my system before writting something else, hope you guys liked it though :) also (x3) it did looked better in my mind

#attack on titan x reader #levi ackerman x reader #armin arlet x reader #jean kirstein x reader #eren yeager x reader #reiner braun x reader #levi ackerman fluff #too much tags i stop here #mikasa ackerman x reader #prank #aot #aot fluff #some angst i guess though

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bunny-xoxo · 3 years

Text

Modern!Eren Jeager Relationship Headcannons

Modern!Eren Jeager x reader

a/n: I love this little shithead. These are just some headcannons of how I think it would be being in a relationship with modern!eren. Just to clarify, the characters are always aged up and in unversity if it’s a modern!au unless otherwise stated!! Please enjoy and feel free to come in my inbox and share your Himbo!Eren thoughts😩

gif not mine, credit to owner

Ok, for starters, Himbo Eren Supremacy!

Eren might not be the uhm smartest, he’s kind of a big cuddly idiot, and he is big and respects women -> Himbo!Eren

Anyways

Being with Eren means having a box full of ridiculous hand made gifts from Eren that he insists on you keeping for sentimental reasons, no matter how senseless they are

They’re usually really stupid and cheesy letters he writes on a torn piece of notebook paper while he’s in class when it’s especially boring him

They’re not even coherent thoughts on the paper sometimes

“Hi :) I’m sitting here feeling like I’m going to pass out from how boring this class is, and we’re supposed to be taking notes but I think I’ll just copy them from you or Mikasa later though hahahaha don’t! Tell Arma Armin! He’ll just yell at me :( unless I tell him I like his new haircut maybe which i actually do by the way it’s funny my hairs long now and his is short 1. Oreos 2. Milk 3. Shampoo 4. Hand sanitzer sorry I need this stuff and I would forget if i didn’t write it down. I bet you look really pretty right now :) in my head I’m kissing you teehee”

And every other part of the paper that isn’t filled up with his rambling is stick figure doodles of you two kissing and holding hands and one of him and jean arm wrestling but don’t ask him about it, he lost in his head this time so he’s gonna work out more later sdfnarfn

You have hair ties littered all over your place it’s ridiculous

You find them literally everywhere - probably cause he likes to fling them across the room and see how far he can get them when he takes them out of his hair, he will be stealing most of yours if you use them

He love love loves when you run your hands through his hair and massage his scalp after he takes his ponytail out

He almost immediately lays face down in your lap and groans while he moves around to get comfortable

If you don’t immediately start he’ll just look up at you with a little pout and move one of your hands to his hair and raise his eyebrows at you, waiting for you to pamper him

Loves being pampered and will definitely let you do his nails just to feel your soft hands on his - and cause he likes the way you always rub lotion into them after

Very touchy boy, I HC his love language being Physical Touch, hence how bad he loves being pampered

He loves when he comes out of the shower and comes to lay down with you, all sore from practice - it’s Eren, we know he play’s SOME kind of sport - and your hands start working all the knots out of his back and neck, working their way to the top of his shoulders and squeezing while they drag down his biceps all the way to his hands

Kiss his knuckles and he WILL melt

He never feels more loved than when you’re taking care of him like that, and let’s be honest you don’t mind running your hands over his toned body either

He loves pampering you as much as he loves receiving it, too

Loves rubbing your legs while he lays between them with his head resting on your midsection

His hands are rough due to years of abuse from playing sports, and they feel so good when he’s squeezing the muscles in your calf life that

Sometimes if you’re feeling sore, he’ll help you stretch your legs out

He’ll be sitting back on his knees by your feet, your legs spread in front of him. He grabs your left leg by your calf while he inches forward to lean above and bring your leg up with him, stretching your knee to your ear. The hand that’s not locked on your calf is resting by your head with his face mere inches from yours, his hair tickling your cheeks. You’re like that for a few moments before he leans in and ghosts his lips over yours, abruptly shifting up and kissing your nose instead. “Other leg!” jackass

He would love giving you back massages too oh god, and I mean like proper back rubs.

He’d have you laid out on your bed while hes straddling your from behind and pressing his fingers deep into the sore tissue there - sometimes you fall asleep and drool a little and he finds it so cute

He just loves loving up on you, period

On another note, he wouldn’t just steal your hair ties if you had any, he’d steal everything LMAO

Your hand lotion? He pockets it cause it just smells so good and always had his hands feeling soft whenever you let him use some. And why would he go and buy it if you have some?

Firm believer that y’all share everything

He’s stolen lotion, gum, socks that barely fit him, chapstick, lip scrub, pens, highlighters, literally anything.

And once you start to notice he’s all, “What? We’re in a relationship, partners are supposed to share everything. I mean, you steal my hoodies!”

“Eren, you give those to me cause you said it makes our relationship more ‘official.’”

“Ok, well that’s beside the point. All I’m saying is I don’t see the big deal. You’re more than welcome to take any of my stuff you like!”

Which is a nice thought except for the fact everything he has at this point just seems like more shit he’s stolen from you

More on his hoodies, he goes absolutely bananas seeing you wear his hoodie

He seriously gets so giddy and feels like his hearts gonna explode

He always smiles all big and wraps his arms around and lifts you into the air - it does not matter how big you are he’s going to do it

“Hiiii cutie.” He always says this and then buries his face into the crook of your neck and places sweet kisses there. Then he stands up straight and pulls the hood onto your face and tightens the strings, making it all scrunch up, sadly no he doesn’t care if your hair is done or if you wear glasses, he will do it regardless

One time you were a little grumpy with him from playing games with “the boys” for too long and neglecting you of some attention, so to apologize he just brought you a hoodie with some of his cologne sprayed on it -i just know he smells great- and put it on you and held you and pressed just so many kisses to your face and said sorry over and over again until you were giggling and gave in

He loves when you sit in his room with him while he plays games on his pc with his buddies definitely a PC gamer cmon

However, he will get more embarrassed than frustrated if you hear Jean teasing him cause he’s lowkey trying hard to impress you akfergirgu

“D’ya see that babe? I got first place with the highest kill count and the least amount of respawns 😏”

“Yeah I did Eren, that’s awesome buddy.”

He’d just smile and spin back around in his chair feeling all prideful pls protect him

If you join in teasing him he WILL pout after and you WILL have to make him a grilled cheese as your form of an apology

He will eat it in silence, look at you and try not to smile and just roll over and sigh SO loud

“I guess I can forgive you.”

Please he’s such a brat, but he’s your brat

———————

he’s such an idiot and I jus wanna hug from him and to wear his stupid hoodies 😪 I hope y’all enjoyed! Feel free to browse my blog or pop into my inbox! Love u cutie

-🐇out

taglist: @plutowrites

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sunlightandsuffering · 3 years

Note

Corruption au Eren cockwarms mikasa once they’re together, he says ‘it helps him remember things’ and then every so often he gives her an orgasm just to keep her pliant against him while she plays with her boobs, he doesn’t do it in a cruel kind of way, it just he wants to pleasure her while doing his work

however when they’re not together, he’s such a sadist about it, he refuses to let her come even after he’s done his hw and is just fucking her, he always leaves when he’s done. Until one day when he starts feeling bad, he lets her come and it absolutely ruins him, he becomes obsessed with pleasuring her and seeing her face flushed pink, and hearing the needy sounds she makes and the quiet sighs, and the way her hands frantically move around until he Holds them together

STOP U GUYS KNOW ABOUT MY COCKWARMING OBSESSION STOP IT 😂😂 omg bless corruption Eren tho, this is my favourite kink for him, its so hot and it fits their situation perfectly.

It starts slow for Eren, to be honest he has no fucking idea when it really started. One day he'd been failing calculus, accepting he wasn't going to pass the year and thinking about maybe dealing drugs as a career path over his previous dreams of doctor. The next he was being forced to study three days out of the week with high school princess, Mikasa Ackerman.

At first he'd hated it, hated her really. He'd never been able to stand her, not since they were little and she'd chosen the dark side of Historia Reiss, bully and mean girl if there ever was one. Historia had sweet innocent baby Mikasa under her thumb. Mikasa followed her around like a dumb fucking puppy and Eren hated followers, they were all the same, no personalities, no aspirations of their own. She had no backbone either. She let all the shit Historia did slide, all the bullying, the holier than thou attitude because her family was richer than god. So very typical of the rich kids from the upper class neighbourhood. Eren would know, he used to be that rich kid, used to live that life. That was until his parents died in a brutal car accident, Zeke had inherited half the estate on the condition he'd take care of Eren and the rest was tied up in Eren's trust fund until he was twenty one.

Big surprise, no one had taken care of Eren and he was fucking lucky Armin and his grandpa had been there to help him out.

Everyone else, all his other 'friends' had given him the cold shoulder upon finding out he was no longer rich for the moment, he'd been dropped like a hot potato. So Eren's hatred of the upper class of Shiganshina had begun.

And Mikasa Ackerman was the pinnacle of it all, the worst the rich had to offer. She was beautiful, smart, loaded, had every opportunity in life, completely innocent and sweet, and the cherry on top of it all she volunteered on the weekend at the pound.

She disgusted him, so prim and proper and all around good girl while she was letting her 'friends' bully him for being poor, watching the injustice happen like a fish in a bowl.

He couldn't fucking stand her.

Of course, she would be the person who ended up tutoring him though, Principal Erwin mandating it if he wanted to graduate. So here he was sitting in the computer lab at five on a Wednesday watching her plump lips move as she explained integrals to him for the third time in an hour.

It's been a few months since they've started this little arrangement and he's gotten used to her presence. He wouldn't say he likes her, thats a stretch but he's not quite as cruel as he once was. He'd be lying if he said he didn't get a kick of watching that beautiful mouth part every time he does something mean though, those little gasps when he pinches her thigh or touches her where he shouldn't.

It's probably the highlight of these sessions.

Today he's feeling bold, maybe he'll push his luck. After all, he's done it before and she's never protested. For some reason or another Mikasa Ackerman has a soft spot for him, and no matter how mean, she lets him get away with murder. "Miki, come here I can't hear you properly." "And then you take the-what?" She looks up, pretty dove-grey eyes wide, sparkling as she explains her favourite subject, fucking math.

"You heard me, get over here." As usual, she takes orders so fucking well, it brings out the absolute worst in him. She's standing up and next to him in seconds and he's eye level with her perfect chest, those tits he dreams about every night, ripping her bra off with his teeth and sucking at those pretty pink nipples of hers. He's only seen them a few times, when he convinces her it's okay, when he's sure there's absolutely no one around, but they keep him awake at night. He pats his lap, grinning as she goes easily, settling into her favourite spot, he knows she loves it just as much as he does. Her thighs always shake and she shudders as his hands find their place cupping those beautiful creamy thighs, head tucked into her shoulder.

Mikasa starts talking again, beautiful lilt soothing him as she launches into a renewed explanation of integrals while his hands move up, up, up and to his absolute favourite spot, her panties. Today she's wearing cotton, he can feel it, must be laundry day and he kisses her shoulder as he feels how wet she is. Fucking perfect.

Lately she's been more partial to fancier underwear and he can't help but wonder if it's for him. He has a feeling it is, because the first month of their little arrangement he'd snuck as many peaks as they could and it was always pink or white cotton with polka dots and pretty bows. They were his favourite, so fucking innocent, so untouched by anyone but him.

He watches as she moves her pencil drawing lines and numbers, a little bit of the alphabet too and he ignores it all in favour of watching her chest, her breath hitch as he slides a finger inside her panties, feeling those velvet lips, it's been a while.

He's been on his best behaviour lately since Levi almost caught them at her house that one time, but he's horny and she's wet and he misses being inside her, misses watching her try to talk through him fucking her, how her voice would waver, change pitch. How many times she'd stumble through her sentences, have to start all over again, because she can't handle how big he is, doesn't know how to deal with the all-consuming sensation of him fucking deep within her walls, just sitting there filling her right up to her cervix.

Fuck.

He can't really be blamed for what he does next, and besides it doesn't matter, Eren's not a stupid kid, he allowed himself to get this far behind in calculus. He'd spent an hour last night going over integrals with the sole purpose of knowing what was going on today so he could fuck with his favourite toy.

He moves her a bit so she's resting more heavily on one thigh and slides his joggers and boxers down just enough expose his heavy cock to the air, already rock hard and waiting. Mikasa gasps a little bit, a breathy sound quick and sharp as she sees him, her eyes transfixed on his dick and he grins, sliding her panties to the side and slamming her down on him before she even knows what hit her. The slide is so fucking easy too, it takes almost nothing and he gets a sick sense of satisfaction that even with little to no prep she can take him, probably better than anyone else he's ever fucked. She takes it all no complaints, as deep as she can and he bottoms out.

She lets out a long moan, that pretty sound he wants to record and listen to on his phone over and over again, her head lolling back uselessly against his shoulder as she takes in the sensation.

"Miki baby you know this helps me remember better right, sorry it just wasn't getting through my head I was too distracted, but now I'm all ears, why don't you continue. What's that rule you were talking about, how are derivatives and integrals related again baby, they're opposites?"

She's breathing quick and Eren doesn't blame her, he's struggling to keep his tone level as her walls squeeze him, warm and soft and he wants to stay buried there forever, she's so fucking tight.

"I-Eren-I-yeah, opposites," she finally manages to get the last word out ending a little broken as she struggles to sit up and make herself comfortable on his cock, she should be used to it by now with how often he does this, but it never fails she always reacts like she's taking him for the first time all over again. He fucking loves it.

"Why don't you explain again baby, I don't think I really understand? And make sure you're clear Mikasa." She nods, still squirming around, every movement shooting electricity up through both of them as she accidentally grinds down, she lets out an involuntary moan and Eren smirks.

Eren takes it upon himself to move her up and off his cock a few inches before impaling her back down, biting down on her neck a little bit as punishment and she whines, teeth coming out to bite down on her lip brutally as she tries to keep quiet.

"Stop moving baby, you're distracting me, just take my cock like a good girl and explain for me yeah?" She replies brokenly her voice soft and struggling with her breaths, "Yeah."

#corruption au 🖤#idk where this came from #😂😂

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oh-katsuki · 3 years

Text

Payback: Part 1 (Armin x Reader x Mikasa)

Pairing: Armin x Reader x Mikasa

Word Count: 2.1k

Content: Smut, fwb, alcohol consumption, oral sex (reader receiving), praise, they get caught, finger choking

Content Warnings: Drunk sex, drugs, semi-public sex, slight dacryphilia, slight dumbification

A/N: this series is probably gonna have about three parts, so enjoy part 1. Archive Fic

Part 2 | Part 3

You and Armin had been friends for a long time. Everyday for the past six years, Armin had been a part of your life and you had been a part of his. The one catch is that you and Armin also happen to have sex… a lot. Don’t get it twisted, you both are strictly friends, but that doesn’t stop you from going at it whenever you can. That’s why the look Armin gave you tonight from across the circle didn’t alarm you in the slightest.

It wasn’t unusual for your friend group to get together on Wednesday nights to drink, in fact, it happened almost every week and constantly resulted in Jean being late to his Thursday morning lectures. Still, you all gathered at Sasha, Connie, and Jean’s place every Wednesday to sit in a circle and drink yourselves stupid. Tonight was no different.

You all sat in the living room of the trio’s apartment in a sloppy circle. A few more people had been invited tonight, so the group was larger than usual, bleeding out into the crevices on the sides of the couch to attempt to fit everyone into what now looked like a lopsided oval. On one side of you sat Mikasa and on the other sat Jean, who was nursing a cup of god knows what from the previous round of rage cage that he’d lost. In the center of the circle sat a green bottle that was a dead give away to the new game the group would be playing.

“Seven minutes in heaven!” Connie called, adjusting the bottle in the center of the circle. “Since it seems everyone has had ample alcohol,” He shot a glance at his best friend, Sasha, who was a giggling mess in the arms of a blonde man you’d seen around campus a few times. “I think it’s about time we get the game started.”

“Man, shut up. You’re just looking for an excuse to makeout with someone.” Jean spoke up from beside you, giving a laugh into his drink as he made eye contact with the grey haired boy. You couldn’t help but let out a laugh from beside him, taking a sip from the beer bottle at your side.

“Yeah Connie, why is it that you think tonight’s the night you’re gonna get lucky?” You spoke up, leaning back on one hand and raising your eyebrow and snorting slightly.

“And with who?” It was Mikasa now who spoke up, the usually quiet girl’s lips pulling up into a wry smile as she glanced to Connie, Jean, and then you, where her gaze lingered for a second too long.

Connie gave a huff and rolled his head back before speaking up. “How about ____, huh?” Jean broke out laughing at this and you shook your head, letting out a good natured laugh. “Oh cmon, you don’t think I could? I’ve seen the marks on her. Can’t tell me she doesn’t.”

He slurred his words slightly as he spoke and you gave a laugh. It was no secret you had a fuck buddy, the marks all over your body would be enough to prove that to just about anyone, but what your friends didn’t know as you shifted your eyes to the blonde on the opposite side of the circle, was that it was someone they knew intimately. Armin’s eyes were clouded over, slightly hazy with the buzz of the alcohol and you could see him mouth the words “five minutes” to you, tossing him an affirmative nod before returning your attention to Connie.

You feigned innocence, giving an exaggerated shrug and a cheeky smile as you let out a laugh. “Haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about.”

“What? Fuckin’ liar, c’mon Armin. Dude you gotta know.” Connie turned his attention to Armin. Now both him and Jean were curious, their bodies leaning forward slightly in anticipation of his answer.

“I haven’t heard anything about that.” Jesus, you could tell why Armin was so popular with women. His voice was so deep and gentle and genuine. The way his soft lips curled slightly into a smile and the way his eyes shimmered slightly had you wondering why he was still single. Connie and Jean muttered curses to themselves, becoming absorbed in another subject of conversation, but Armin’s eyes lingered on you a little longer. They flicked up and down your figure slightly before he exhaled, standing up and breaking eye contact with you as he left the room, tossing you a knowing smile over his shoulder.

Fuck. You could feel your breath catch in your throat as you stood up to follow him. Everyone was far too absorbed in their own conversations to notice the two of you leave, and even if they had, it wouldn’t be unusual since you both are often seen together. Still, you made your way out of the room casually, your hands clenched in your pockets as you anticipated the moments to come. You found Armin leaning against a doorway in the kitchen, his head picking up once he’d heard you enter and his classic friendly smile spreading across his lips as you approached him.

“You’re pretty good at getting the memo.” He spoke, tilting his head slightly as his hand found your waist. “You sure no one’s following?” Armin’s eyes flicked behind you for a moment before coming back to rest on your lips. He licked his own subconsciously as you nodded.

“Mhm, I’m sure.” You spoke, letting him guide you by the waist into a small closet in the hallway. Before you knew it, he’d shut the door to the closet, pushing your figure up against it and bringing his lips to yours eagerly.

He wasted no time in slipping his tongue past your lips, a groan escaping him as he licked into your mouth, one hand gripping the fabric at your waist and the other buried in your hair. Armin pulled at the delicate skin of your bottom lip with his teeth and you let out a shaky breath against him, rutting your hips against his to relieve the ache between your legs.

He quickly lifted your shirt over your head, letting his gaze follow the bare skin of your collarbone. His eyes fell on your breasts and you could ear the faint “fuck me…” that fell from his lips as he attached his mouth to your tit, sucking your nipple eagerly.

Your hands found their way into his hair, a small whimper escaping your lips as you tugged at the soft blonde strands. He groaned, looking up at you.

“Y’look so pretty for me tonight.” Armin kissed up your neck quickly, his hands dipping into the waistband of your jeans. “Just for me, hm?” He hummed against your neck as you brought your hand to the growing bulge in his jeans.

You nodded, already feeling how desperate you were for him as his cock sprang free from his pants. Your mouth watered as you looked at it. Armin was pretty everywhere, his dick was no exception. It was long and a pretty shade of pink with one delicate vein running along the bottom and curved upwards. His dick always hit those perfect spots inside you.

Upon seeing it, you let out a whine as he took your mouth in his again. You took his dick in your fist, pumping him slowly as you shimmied out of your jeans. Armin brought two fingers to your clothed slit, earning a whimper as he applied slight pressure. He could feel the wetness from your panties on his fingers and he let out a low chuckle in response.

“So wet for me already, hm?” He gingerly pulled your panties aside, speaking into the base of your neck. You nodded again, bucking your hips against his hand.

“Please, Armin.” You gave him a breathy exhale, meeting his eyes. “Need more of you, please.”

“Fuck, okay. C’mere.” Armin hissed, taking you by the hips and placing you on a shelf about hip level from the ground. You were now facing the door and Armin’s back was to it as he hastily got on his knees for you.

“Gotta make this fast, pretty.” He was now face to face with your cunt and each word he spoke caused his breath to fan out over the place you needed him most. After meeting your desperate eyes one last time, he licked a long stripe up your pussy before burying his face in it, his lips circling your clit before he dipped his tongue down into your weeping hole. “Wouldn’t want the others to catch us.”

He spoke into your cunt, the words sending vibrations through you as he buried his nose into your clit, his tongue flicking upwards inside of you. It was enough to make your knees start to buckle and to cause a needy whine to fall past your lips.

“Tsk tsk. Gonna have to be a little more quiet.” Armin buried a finger in you as he spoke, curling it upward into the spongy spot inside of you. “Unless of course, y’want them to hear you.” He brought his mouth back to your clit, sucking on it and circling it with his tongue in unison with his fingers.

Fuck you wanted his cock so bad. His fingers and mouth were great, but you wanted to cream on his dick, feel your walls tighten around him as he fucks into you. You begin to whimper as you reach out to grab his wrist in an attempt to fend off your impending orgasm.

“Wanna cum on your dick. Please, please.” You were always stupid for him whenever he touched you. Something about the way he looked at you made you dumb, made you such a slut for his cock. His eyes clouded over as you spoke, pulling his fingers out of you and reaching up to push them past your lips.

You could taste yourself on his fingers as you swirled your tongue around his digits to collect yourself off of him. Armin groaned and pressed gently on the back of your tongue. You could feel tears begin to prick at your eyes and saliva pool in your mouth as he gagged you with his fingers. Upon seeing you gag slightly on his fingers, Armin lined his dick up with your entrance with a new found urgency.

“Fuck, fuck. Beg for it again, baby.” Armin’s dick throbbed and pressed gently against your entrance. You grinded against the head of his cock, your eyes meeting his as your mouth sucked harder on his fingers at the feeling of the head of his cock so close against your entrance.

“Please, Armin. Need to cum on your dick. Please.” You plead with him, letting his digits fall from your lips. The sight itself was enough to have him twitching. It drove Armin crazy the way your eyes looked so desperate and worried, as if he wasn’t about to give you what you wanted. As if the sight of you, hoisted up against the cabinets, brows knitted together, eyes fixated on his dick, lips wet with your own slick and spit, wasn’t enough to make him think he could cum from looking at you.

Without any warning, Armin bottomed out inside of you, throwing his head back and giving you (and himself) a moment to adjust. He quickly picked up a ruthless pace, the boxes on the shelves behind you rattling slightly as he fucked you into the wall. His fingers stayed in your mouth and with each thrust he pressed the back of your tongue. It was enough to have your eyes welling slightly with tears.

“Fuck, you’re so t-tight.” He groaned, pulling his fingers from your lips and threw his head back. Armin brought his lips to yours and sloppily licked into your mouth as he continued fucking into you.

“So big. So big.” You spoke between thrusts, each one earning him a high pitched moan. Neither of you cared about noise now, you could hear the music from the living room in the closet and the sound of voices floating through the house. It was loud enough now that you could whine all you wanted. “S’close, Armin. I’m so c-close.”

Your body shuddered as he brought a hand to your clit, rubbing tight circles into it. Your legs shot straight out, toes curling as your knees pressed against his sides.

“Can feel you squeezing me. Y’look so pretty when you’re cumming.” You wrapped your legs around him, throwing your head back in a whine that sounded a bit like his name.

Your first orgasm hit you like a truck, your toes curling and legs shaking as you let out a tempered moan that came from somewhere in your gut. Armin kept up the ruthless pace, a drawn out “fuck, there it is” escaping his lips as he fucked you through your high. At least that’s what would have happened had the door to the closet not swung open right as you came to reveal a wide eye’d Mikasa.

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nightfall-kachiniko · 3 years

Text

‘ A Broken Promise’ Mikasa x Reader Fanfiction || Angst.

||| Chapt.4 「 FINALE. 」 “The Loss of Freedom of the boy who fought for it,”

﹋「 This contains MAJOR AOT Spoilers for the manga, please proceed with caution. 」﹋

“AGH!” Shit. You felt your body falling through the air, blurred vision as You screamed. Something just- hit you, and you had not a clue what it was. Your leg felt numb, almost like it wasn’t there. “Y/N!” Jean called out to you. his voice getting closer as You felt my body hit his arms. “Shit you alright!?” He asked. Gritting your teeth as your focus came unblurred. The sight infront of you, terrifying. Dozens of titans, more than the nine shifters. So much blood everywhere. Remembering the injury, you looked down at my leg to see a big gash in it, blood falling down into the atmosphere.

“There’s- so much… screaming..” Tears fell down your cheeks. “The titan won’t stop..”

「 This is a time skip to this part. 」

Falco’s titan took you four up in the air. You , Mikasa, and Pieck who can’t turn into pure titans. The people below emerging into titans as you all soared higher. Turning around, you saw Armin fighting Eren in his titan form, his punches no avail to Eren’s.

“Mgh…f-fuck..” You jolted your head as you heard Mikasa murmur. “a-ahh..” She let out in pain. Mikasa’s hand laid rested on her head, her teeth gritted as she suffered.

Her headaches.

That’s what’s happening. Mikasa told you about them once when you both were only cadets. You often helped her through them, letting her lay on your lap as you stroked her hair, giving her comfort. But, that’s all in the past now. You guys are done. Hell, and so is the world..

“I’ll kill him, Help me.” Your Ex’s voice said. “Alright,” Your Captain said. “Y/n, Don’t let Armin accidentally hit us,” He commanded. “And Don’t get caught up with Reiner and Pieck!”

It was all chaos. The explosion of the thunder spear hitting Eren’s teeth left a ring in your ear. Everything is too much..You thought. I- I don’t know how much longer of this I’ll be able to take..

I need someone. I need something. You shut your eyes as you landed on Armins shoulder, stumbling because of your broken leg. It was a relief to be close to him. He turned his head over at you, looking at your tear stained “THEY’RE GONNA DO IT!” You screamed, telling Armin. “THEY’RE GONNA KILL EREN!” Your eyes fell saddened. Everything went blank for you. The screams of children, mothers, fathers, the elder. People who didn’t deserve it, their screams getting more and more faint with every crush. I just, want it to stop.

Eren’s colossal fist punched Armin as you saw Mikasa and Levi heading for the mouth. Bracing your self you gripped your ODM gear tight hanging on.

Please, God just make it Stop.

And then all of a sudden, you blacked out.

Opening your eyes, you saw eren standing right infront of you. He looked into your e/c eyes, guilt and regret on his face. Your eyes widened as you saw him. “Eren…” You said, “y-you… you BITCH!” You sent your hand flying across his face, every ounce of anger inside of you you let out in that one punch. He let out a groan of pain, “YOU’RE SUCH A TRAITOR! YOU’RE NOT ANY BETTER THAN ANNIE BERTOLDT OR REINER! DO YOU NOT SEE THE PEOPLE YOU’VE KILLED!” He held his cheek while after being knocked to the ground.

“ARE YOU STUPID!? DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW MUCH THIS HAS AFFECTED US!? DO YOU EVEN CARE!” Tears spilled down your cheeks like a waterfall.

“WHAT HAPPENED TO THE KIDS WE WERE! THE KIDS WE USED TO BE!”

“they’re gone now,” he replied, looking at your angered mess. You gritted your teeth just looking at him. “You are such a dick.” You growled at him. “Y/n, I know how you feel.”

“WHAT!? YOU KNOW HOW BAD IT HURTS SEEING MY FRIEND SINCE I WAS EIGHT KILL MILLIONS OF PEOPLE!? DO YOU EREN?!” Heavy breath as your screaming continued.

“Y/n,” Eren said. “Make sure she kills me,” His sentence caught you off guard.

“AND YOU… what..” you replied back, your eyes widening.

“Right now we are in a place called the paths,” Eren explained. “I need you to make sure Mikasa kills me,” you looked at him like he was crazy. “Eren, you’re fucking nuts.” The man infront of you eyes glimmered the same as they did as when you were a kid. “I- I don’t want you dead.” You confessed. “You deserve it like hell though! What the hell would your mother think!” You shot at him. “She’d be disappointed in me,” He looked down at the sand beneath you two. “DAMN RIGHT SHE WOULD!”

“Make sure she knows I never hated her, and that she was like family to me,” he said biting his lip. “Don’t tell her I said that, but-“ You were confused, “What are you talking about, we are in the middle of a war you created and you started! We were all at peace till you snuck off to Marley 3 years ago! You said you hated us, that we weren’t ‘free’ you called Mikasa a slave and said that that’s the only reason why she fell in love with me because she’s an Ackerman!”

“Y/n I’m going to tell you this, I did it to protect you.” You scoffed, “did it to protect us my ass, you betrayed us Eren,”

“I know you hate me, but, y/n live your life after this war.” The boy said. “Huh? The hell you getting at? You basically dropped us like flies Jeager! It’s almost like you don’t want us apart of your future”

“No! That isn’t true!” Eren looked up at you, tears flowing down his eyes with pain in his voice. “I did this all so you could have a future! I never wanted to leave you guys! Ever! I wanna be there for you and mikasas wedding! I wanna be there when you have kids! I just..” Eren gritted his teeth, ribbons of water running down his cheek “Nevermind that..”

You sighed, tears of your own forming up in your eyes, “Please, just come home.” You begged. “I can’t,” He said numbly. “I wish I could, but I can’t.”

“We love you Eren, we just want you back.. that’s why Mikasa fought so hard to change you..” you sniffled. “There’s nothing that can happen now, I promise, it’s none of you guys fault,” You sighed, “Eren..”

“I love you all so much, It was worth it.” He said, a small smile on his face. You pulled him into a hug as you cried. “Y/n, I’m so happy for you.. You’ve been through thick and thin and you’re still standing.”

“I just want you here.. with us,” you wiped your tears. “ I always am,” Eren put your hand to your heart, doing the salute. “Always,” his gaze more soft. “Until we meet again, Y/n L/n,” the boy said.

“ See you later, jeagerbomb.”

You were snapped back into reality only to see It ended. Everything. The screaming. The titans they just vanished. And the war. It was finally over. Oh shit is Mikasa okay?! You thought. Swinging your ODM gear over to Eren’s body you landed inside his mouth.

Mikasa stood there, her body still, as she held up the head of your childhood best friend. Eren Yeager. ‘She- finally..let go..’ she let go of the person who was her only family left. Running through the town of Shiganshina together. You four played hop scotch, fought of Armins bullies, captured butterflies and fire flies. The memories of when you all were kids was the only thing you could think of. She let go.. so it’s time for you to as-well.

Mikasa turned around slowly, her face numb, neutral. The head of Eren in her hand as she held it up to the air, frozen. You gave her a reassuring smile, “I’m.. so.. so..proud of you..” You limped, walked up to her as you cupped her cheek. Her eyes looked up at you, realization in her gaze. All of a sudden she wrapped her hands around your waist, she buried her head into your shoulder. Tears flowing down her eyes.

“You freed him baby..” Sniffling you said, “I know deep down, he thanks you.. you put him out of pain Mika…“

“I never wanted to hurt you.. I never wanted to...” Your girlfriend confessed. “I’m so..sorry..” she choked, tears building up in her eyes. “I love you mikasa,” you replied. “I love you too... “ The Raven Haired woman hugged you tighter, fighting back tears. “I just.. wanna..go home..”

“Then let’s go..” you whispered softly to her. She picked you up as she started heading for the exit of the mouth. Finally after fighting for so long, we got our freedom.

Thank you Eren Jeager, the boy who sought freedom, Goodbye. <\3

“Waffles!” The child cheered out. A small chuckle was heard from the Raven haired girl that passed out breakfast beside you, “You’re right good job!” She said congratulating the baby that sat at the high chair. It had been three years since you gave birth to (Child’s name) Ackerman. Now here you both were, your year marriage anniversary coming up and your daughters fourth birthday right around the corner, seems you both had a busy schedule for the week. “Thank you love,” you kissed the cheek of your wife as she gave you your tea, “of course,” she smiled returning the kiss.

“Mommy, ummie,” the child with Raven hair asked with curiosity, “how did you meet?” You both giggled a little bit before looking at each other, “well, it’s a long story,” you said to your daughter who’s identical to Mikasa. “How did you get that thing on your face ummie?” Your daughter asked Mikasa, “Someone’s full of questions today huh?” She teased tickling her. The cute laughs of the sweetheart you gave birth to made you smile with joy. Mikasa scruffled up their hair, “how did you meet?”

Looking at each other you both smiled.

“Well honey, it started along time ago, with a boy I knew, named Eren.” :)

Your daughters face lit up in confusion, “Who’s Eren is it one of Uncle min min’s friends?” There was a knock on your door as she asked her question, “well that’s a story for another time, and I gotta get that it’s probably Armin and Annie with Glacious,”

“ummie can you tell me?” (Childs name) asked.

“When you’re older sweetie,” Mikasa smiled.

‘Eren jeager, God, I hadn’t heard his name in a long time’you thought. ‘That boy..’ you laughed to yourself, ‘he stood out from others,’ Eren, the boy who sought freedom.

Memories of him filled your mind as all that was left was his memory, and forever that’s all that will be left. ‘Eren, I know you’re watching from up above,’ you said to yourself.

but as the days passed, his face got blurrier and blurrier, and all that was left were memories of when you all were children in Shingansia District, waiting for freedom to soar.

And Eren, that crazed man, made it soar :,)

➪ Kachiniko ||♡︎ My Blog ♥︎ || ☾What I write ☽ 08/ 01/21

Chapt.1 “Come back to me,”

Chapt.2 “The conclusion”

Chapt. 3 That promised light, the string called hope.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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kyberphilosopher · 3 years

Text

Lᴇx Tᴀʟɪᴏɴɪꜱ

Word Count: 3285

Warnings: graphic descriptions of gore, manga spoilers following the 4th line of stars.

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a life for a life.

"An eye for an eye" (Biblical Hebrew: עַ֚יִן תַּ֣חַת עַ֔יִן‎) or the law of retaliation (Latin: lex talionis) is the principle that a person who has injured another person is to be penalized to a similar degree by the injured party.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Gone. Your eye, was gone.

There was no warning, no time given for you to say your farewell. You didn’t have the time to even register what was about to happen. You had seen him, heard the bells and then...

Well, you must’ve known what the price for this was going to be to some degree. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have bothered, would you? So, there in lies the catch. All the feelings going through your brain right now are based on your own individual decision, and the only person responsible for the consequences of that decision is you.

“Come on, you have to eat, Y/N,” Historia practically sobs. She holds a spoon with a glop of banana colored mush on it, hoping to slip it in between your lips so you can just accept some kind of sustenance. But you don’t, and you won’t. You haven’t since the incident. “Please.”

You don’t say anything to the girl. You don’t even meet her eyes. You only stare at your own lap, giving her a nice view of your long, soft, sad eyelashes. The gauze wrapped around half of your head is threaded between pieces of your hair messily, and your shoulders have the hunch of that of defeat.

Historia closes her pink lips, and puts the spoon back in the wooden bowl. “You just eat whenever you’re ready, then,” she tells you softly, and she places it on the nightstand to your right. Although she is young and nurturing, she doesn’t dare push you. The petite girl closes the door behind her, wondering if it would’ve been better to shove the food down your throat.

It wouldn’t have mattered. You probably would’ve just stuck your own fingers down your esophagus as well, and then the banana mush never would’ve even reached your stomach.

It felt like you’d misplaced something very important. It feels like something is missing. Something you’d been tasked to protect since birth, and had formed a friendship with. And now it was gone, and you had failed both the friendship and yourself. Your left eye wasn’t something you could just grow back, either. Once it’s gone, it’s gone for good. And now it’s gone for good.

Your head lifts up slowly, and you’re allowed to catch a glimpse of yourself in the wooden mirror across the room. It doesn’t take long for the loathing to boil inside of you like venom.

The one good eye you have is rung with tired darkness. A maroon, chestnut brown shade of gray lingers right under your bottom lashes starkly. The same lashes are tiredly clumped together in a particularly unflattering way. The right half of your face feels ice cold, and the left magma hot. The bandages around your head have scrunched up pieces of your hair, and they rub against your cheeks tightly at any slight movement. It’s uncomfortable, to say the least. But the slightest thought of what these bandages cover makes you want to scream your throat bloody.

The moment you pull the gauze away is the moment you see the socket of your own eye, exposing it to infection and dirty air. You’ll see a hole, a stark reminder of the missing something that you’ll never be able to replace. You might as well have a hole in your ridiculous heart at this point.

And it was for what?

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

The bells rang every time you thought of him.

Sometimes they were loud, but usually they were soft. You hadn’t heard them since childhood, but you couldn’t place the exact context of them. You knew, at least, that they were made of bronze, but that didn’t help much at all. And now that had appeared in your head again, and they were fused to the man you’d taken a bullet for.

Historia and Hange seemed to be the only two who would visit you regularly. You’d see other comrades of yours in the next room when the door was open, but you had a preference for keeping it closed. Besides those two, you knew Armin and that Mikasa girl had been in your room as well. Sasha Blouse once came to take the food you hadn’t eaten. There was a vague memory of Connie Springer in your room, but you had been too preoccupied with hiding your face to receive a complete vision.

Nobody really saw you for days. You kept yourself buried in the scratchy blankets, ashamed of what you had done to yourself. You accepted no food. Questions began to arise of whether or not you were regularly bathing anymore. At least you were able to take yourself to the chamber pot when needed, but you refused to look at your reflection on any surface. Otherwise, you feared you’d hear the bells again.

Through everyone that had at least come to check on you once, he never had. You saw no signs of him at all around the area. You couldn’t feel his presence in your room at any single moment. At was almost as if the man had become a ghost, and maybe he had. Maybe this was another missing piece you’d have to live with, and maybe it was also bound in permanence.

You lost your eye, so that he could keep his life. And he hadn’t even thought to show up.

Not that you wanted to see him. If he had thought to show up, you hadn’t a clue what you would’ve said. You couldn’t explain your own actions, and you couldn’t ask him to avenge your loss. As you’d come to terms with before, this was all your doing. This was the consequence of your choice. Whatever consequences are born from that original consequence- well... that was on you too.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

“Y/N, when was the last time you ate?” Historia frowns, her shoulders sinking with sympathy.

You stare at your lap still, with one good eye steady as it’ll ever be.

“It doesn’t matter,” you answer after a moment, voice low.

“What are you talking about?” the girl questions, the corners of her eyes pricking with tears. “Of course your health matters. You saved our lives out there.”

And there they are. The bells.

You’re a fool. You can’t do anything right, can you?

“I’m not hungry.”

“Please,” Historia practically wheezes. “For me. Just a bite.”

You still don’t move. You blink slowly, mesmerized by the dust particles you can see from the light of the setting sun, which streams through the glass of the windows behind you.

In a flat, firm, low tone, you tell her simply. “No.”

She inhales sharply, as if she was keeping herself from tears. And you’re not doing it to make her feel like she’s not a human, or someone you distrust. It’s because with the loss of your eye comes a deep, dark hatred for yourself that you didn’t know human beings could even possess. To put it simply, you didn’t think you deserved to eat.

Historia’s chair scoots against the floor. You see her movement out of the corner of your eye, and hear the old floorboards creak under what little weight she possesses. Then you feel even more hatred towards yourself for wasting her time and making her feel the same way that you had.

Well, you’re certain you don’t deserve to eat now.

There’s mumbling by the doorway.

“She told me she wouldn’t... Just seems really out of it lately... I tried to... Okay.”

Historia’s pretty little golden head disappears from your room and around the corner, out of sight. Instead, there is another figure in the doorway, facing you.

The bells come back.

“I heard you wouldn’t eat,” the smooth voice calls to you. You can hear his footsteps against the wood.

They’re getting loud.

“Did you not hear me? I’m talking to you.”

You lift your tired head up. Your right eye, pupil big with dilation as if you were high off pain, drowns out all other color. Your face is pale, half sweaty. You’re sick, inside and out.

Immediately, your mouth is forced open. Something hits the back of your throat roughly, and your teeth sink down from being stuffed.

Levi shoves the piece of bread further into your face. It scuffs against all corners of your maw, dry crumbs falling down to your stomach. Your taste buds explode with an overwhelming dusty flavor after having nothing for days. It almost burns. But despite the wet scoffs you give off from gagging against the material, the man doesn’t back down or away.

“Are you gonna eat it yourself? Or will I have to force this down your throat?” he questions- no- demands an answer from you. You’ve closed your eye from the contact, and it’s gone blurry from the abruptness of the situation. But you can picture your comrades face clear as day.

His gray eyes will be narrow as usual. His expression will be set in stone. He will not hesitate or falter to do as he has said, and he won’t feel bad about it either. You know this. And you’re right, too. The man is steady as ever, and if anyone was ordered to guess what he was thinking, they wouldn’t have a clue on how to read him.

No. You won’t eat. You can’t stop yourself from feeling sick at the very thought of rewarding yourself. Levi creases his eyebrows slightly, and his fingers press the piece of food farther down your esophagus. Now it’s hurting.

“I guess I will then,” Levi speaks out.

You don’t have a choice. Every time your gag reflex tries to push the bread away, Levi’s palm is there to keep it in place. It burns and hurts, and you wonder if bread like this has the ability to make your soft inner skin bleed. You concede.

Your teeth bite down fully, breaking off a fair portion of the roll. It makes your jaw sore from the weight of it, and Levi’s hand doesn’t move away. He watches your movements closely, making sure that you’re doing what you appear to be. He won’t take the chance.

After chewing for what must be a lengthy forty-five seconds, you hold the mushed pieces of dough on the back of your tongue. You can’t do it. You can’t make yourself eat.

“Swallow it,” Levi orders from above you, his voice cold and commanding.

You concede again.

The dough slips down in pieces, aided by saliva and awaited by your empty tummy.

Levi finally pulls the remaining half of bread away from your lips, but doesn’t change his position of standing over you. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?” he mutters as he places himself in Historia’s former seat.

Your good eye opens and looks over at him, still glossy from budding tears. You feel out of breath. Your nose has gone pink. God, he could’ve suffocated you right then and there.

Levi’s face is still and calm as always. His frown is ever present, and his dark hair falls the same. The only thing out of place is the fact that he stands out of uniform, in a white button up, cravat, dark vest and dress jacket. On another day, you would’ve thought it looked nice on him. Today, you have to try not to vomit all over it.

He reaches for a wooden bowl that Historia left on the nightstand earlier. It’s filled with that banana colored mush she keeps insisting you eat. When Levi takes it into his hands, his nose inhales a little whiff.

“Well, no wonder you won’t eat this,” he says, staring down into it. “It smells like shit.” Then, he takes the spoon from inside, and raises it into the air. “Open wide.”

No. There’s no way in hell.

The bells are loud as you turn your head the other way. You can’t bear the sight of him, or food.

“If you won’t take it,” Levi frowns angrily, “I’ll have no problem forcing it into you again.”

Who fucking cares, Levi? Just please, stop looking at me.

Your left hand reaches up to the bandages over what used to be your eye. You fit your palm over it in shame, as if that would keep him from noticing what had become of you.

“It’s been a week since this happened, and you haven’t talked about it to anybody,” you hear Levi say. “Hange says you’re not taking your medicine, either.”

Shut up. Shut up. Please, the bells are so loud.

Cold fingers against your own turn to warm ones. Levi’s digits pat your own off your face, and then around your ear to find where the bandage ends.

Your opposite hand reaches up to catch his wrist softly, asking him to stop without saying a word.

Levi pauses for a moment, watching you stare off into space with exhaustion. Then he shakes your hand away gently, and continues his movement.

His nails scrape against the end of the rope. Then he peels the bandage back, and it begins falling away from your head in a circle. Loop by loop, a layer of gauze strays away from your face. The anticipation of seeing what’s underneath is brewing inside of the man slowly, while the depression of knowing what’s to come has made you quiet as a stone.

Finally, the last layer lays against your skin. Once Levi’s fingers pull this away, you’ll be bare to him. He’ll be able to see what you lost, but never locate it. Just as you have.

Levi continues.

The gauze falls away at last, revealing what had been covered.

His eyes widen, both of them. You can’t say the same.

Where your left eye once was was now a hole. It had layers, and he could see the socket underneath all of them. But it’s ridged and dark, almost as if it were burned. Some parts of your eye are black, others deep purple. There are traces of smeared blood around the edges it all. And, quite frankly, it looks almost glossy with some type of ooze.

“Does it look bad?” you whisper finally, still staring off into nothingness.

Levi tenses up, staring into the void. In all honesty, it looks absolutely horrific. Even if it was properly cleaned and patched up, it would be disgusting. It must be one of the most gruesome things Levi has ever seen- and he’s seen plenty of gruesome things.

“When the bastard shot at you,” Levi begins with a calm voice, “did it hurt?”

Kenny Ackerman. The bastard.

You don’t say a single word for a full minute. “No,” you finally decide. “I didn’t feel a thing.”

Humanity’s strongest breathes out through his nose with stress, but it’s silent. “What possessed you to do this, then?”

You’re silent once more. You’d always been a little on the quieter side of things, for as long as Levi had known you. But this was different. This was sad, and still, and devoid of life. He considers just walking away with acceptance of knowing he won’t get anything out of you.

“I just thought,” your voice comes out hoarse, “it was either you or me.”

Dark pupils dilate, grey irises enlarge. “You took the shot for me.”

The eye on the right blinks slowly. “I didn’t want you to die.”

Levi goes completely still. His shoulders square and the muscles in his back tense. The inside of his mouth melts dry, and the only thing moving in the room are the specks of dust illuminated by the light.

“I see.”

He remembers it all so clearly. He saw the flash of Kenny’s gun, weighed his chances of living. A hand pushes his face up from his jaw and he’s shoved backwards. The nails of his assailant had cut into his skin, but his life had been spared in the process.

Instead of recounting this, Levi prompts, “What made you think that was a good idea?”

You don’t answer at all, which doesn’t surprise the stoic man. He’s not sure he would, either. But he wonders if it’s because you know the answer, or because you don’t.

“Why didn’t you come to visit me, Levi?”

A soft breeze races into the room. Strands of your hair glint and swirl softly. “I thought you would’ve been here sooner.”

The truth was that Levi just didn’t want to see you. But that was because he knew the answer to why. What possible explanation could the man have given you that justified your sacrifice? How would he have shown his appreciation, or annoyance, or simple thankfulness that you’d even survived?

Your long, slim fingers run against each other in short, little pats, almost like a child. “Is it because you hate me I wonder?” Then, your face looks up to the ceiling, exposing your throat to the air. “No. You can’t hear them, can you?”

“Hear what?” Levi knits his brows in question.

“You hear them so often at funerals,” you continue, ignoring Levi’s inquiry. “Or weddings. Or homecomings.”

Y/N is out of it, Levi decides. I’ll get nothing out of her.

“If I don’t bother asking, will you just eat?”

“...funerals...”

Levi picks up the bowl of shit scented banana mush, and runs the spoon through it. With a hefty pile in the dip, he lifts it up, and slips it in between your unaware lips. You don’t struggle, and you even chew and swallow. The corners of your mouth upturn softer than softly after Levi gives you two more bites. “Wouldn’t be so bad.”

Levi doesn’t have the heart to ask what you’re talking about. Though he suspects it might be the prospect of your own funeral, he says nothing. Your death isn’t something he’s keen on thinking about. Not with all the time he’s spent trusting in you, admiring in you. It’s painful to imagine a life without you present, or even beside him. But now you’ve forced the idea onto him because of your own selflessness. At this, Levi concludes that it should’ve been him who took the shot, not you.

“We can talk about what’s not so bad after you eat.”

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

Levi touches his palm to the bandage over his right eye. Gone. Gone for good.

Why do I have to think of her now? he asks himself, replaying the image of your ghastly missing piece over. Is this how she felt?

Like something’s missing? Questioning if the loss of something so valuable was worth it? You hadn’t questioned it for a second. If Levi had asked you if having your eye blown out for him was a fair price for his survival, you both knew what you would’ve answered in a heartbeat. Maybe he should’ve before you had died.

As the wagon bumps on the rickety dirt road, the soldier clenches the fingers he has left. His head drops back, and he looks up to the pale blue sky. Dark hair brushes against his nape, green cloak sticky with blood. Through the eye he can see out of, he makes out a cloud in the shape of you, and listens to the distant ringing of the bell.

.✫*ﾟ･ﾟ｡.★.*｡･ﾟ✫*.

I hope everyone who reads this is in bittersweet pain. Happy holiday season.

Also if anyone has any ideas on how to write Levi better please let me know. I think I captured his character okay, but I want to do him justice. pullup hoe.

548 notes · View notes

randomtwistedlife · 3 years

Text

Two Ghosts

Pairing: Reiner Braun x Female Reader

Summary: You are on a recon mission in Marley and run into Reiner. Little angsty.

Note: I just finished the anime and the manga and there are a lot of feelings and hence, this one shot was born. One huge spoiler regarding Reiner. If you know what I’m talking about, you can read this. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, spoiler ahead. POV shifts between reader and Reiner.

Based on Two Ghosts by Harry Styles

Feedback is appreciated.

We're not who we used to be

We're just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me

Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat

You pulled the hood of your cape onto your head as you weaved across the sea of people. Glancing at the setting sun, you let out a curse. You were late. His letter, which was tightly clutched in your hands, had instructed you to meet him at the specified address tonight as soon as the sun set. Even though he hadn’t written a lot about himself, most likely afraid that the letter would fall into the wrong hands, you knew it was him from his handwriting and the way he wrote the words.

Jean was here. In Marley.

You had arrived in Marley a little over a month ago on a recon mission. The mission was simple — infiltrate Marley, specifically Liberio, because that’s where the Warrior program was, scout the high ranked officials, and understand the socio-political situation. It was the solitude and the feeling of otherness that was hard to deal with. Everyone on this side of the sea hated you. Well, not you specifically, but your kind. You just wanted to talk freely with someone. Though Eren was here as well, he wasn’t an option. He had been here almost as long as you, but visiting him at the hospital would raise too many eyebrows considering Eren’s secret identity was not supposed to have any family. And so you stayed away. But now Jean was here.

Your face hurt from smiling so much. It was hard to remember the last time you had been this happy. You would tell him all the information you had been able to gather till now and then, you would drink and eat and have fun with your friend. Just one night of fun - you deserved that after everything. You had already thought of all the questions you were going to throw at him. You wanted to know how everyone was doing back home — Armin, Mikasa, Connie, Sasha, Commander Hange, and Captain Levi. Thinking about your home and your friends left you with a sense of longing. Closing your eyes, you brushed aside the melancholic feeling. You will reunite soon. Walking a little faster, you looked up to locate the bar you were supposed to meet Jean at and that is when you bumped into him.

~~~

Reiner sighed. He had just dropped an enthusiastic Gabi at her home, and all he wanted to do now was get drunk and fall asleep. Sometimes, being around Gabi was tiring for him. The girl was hell-bent on inheriting his Armoured Titan thinking that it was the biggest honour in the world. How could he tell her otherwise? He himself didn’t know what he believed. He did, however, know that he didn’t want his cousin to go through what he did. But how does he explain all the anger, and the sadness, and the guilt that is buried deep inside of him to a 12-year-old when he himself couldn’t make any sense of his feelings?

If he hadn’t been lost in his thoughts and was watching where he was going, he probably would have avoided the collision altogether. When he finally realised what was happening, it was too late. There she was, her face covered behind her cape and walking straight towards him. The moment she crashes into him, Reiner holds her shoulders to help balance her. As he does so, he notices the piece of paper she was holding fall down on the road.

She apologises, so does he. As she walks past him, he bends down to pick up the piece of paper and calls out to her.

“You dropped something.”

She turns, and the world around him fades away.

~~~

You have been on enough battlefields to understand what people mean when they say, “Time moved slowly” but this was the first instance you fully understood what “Time stood still” meant. You don’t know how long you have been standing on the street. Jean’s letter left forgotten in his hands. He cannot have that letter; it could compromise the entire operation. But at this moment, you can’t seem to care. You should snatch the letter and run away, but you don’t. You just stand there staring into his hazel eyes.

Long gone is the young boy that you looked up to. His hair is longer and his sharp cheekbones are now slightly covered under his goatee. You had grown up in the last four years, but so had he. His eyes were wide and staring back into your own. You opened your mouth to say some something - anything - but words wouldn’t come out. You could hear a loud thudding - maybe it was your heart or maybe your head, you weren’t sure. Your mind was blank all because he was standing in front of you.

Reiner Braun. The boy you had fallen in love with. The boy who was responsible for the death of your family and friends. The boy - no, man - who could still make your heart flutter.

You had known that there was a high possibility of running into him, but you still volunteered to be a part of the infiltration. Maybe you wanted to run into him. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Move! Speak! Do something! You screamed internally, but you felt frozen to your spot.

“Y/N,” he spoke, his voice shaky.

Your heart skips.

“Y/N,” he calls out to you.

The sound of his voice accelerated the already rampant pounding of your heart, and it felt like it would burst any second.

He took a step towards you. You took a step back.

“No,” your voice soft but firm.

You couldn’t face him after everything he had done.

~~~

The one thing Reiner had wanted more than anything in his life was to see you again. Of course, he never expected that to ever come true. Ever since his return from Paradis, he has spent a countless number of nights thinking about how if he ever met you again, he would tell you everything and you would forgive him. He never expected that to happen either, but isn’t that why they are called dreams? Late at night, he could hope to see you again. In his dreams, he could imagine spending a life with you.

And now here you were. Standing right in front of him.

The young girl he had fallen in love with was now a beautiful woman. Not that you weren’t beautiful before. Back when he was pretending to be a soldier of Paradis, he had seen you covered in blood, sweat and grime several times and you were still the most beautiful human to ever grace the planet in his eyes. Your hair, which looked much shorter than the last time he had seen you, was framing your face. Besides the guarded expression that you wore, your eyes were locked with his own.

“No,” you spoke as you stepped away from him.

His throat went dry. His palms moistened and he could hear the crinkle of the piece of paper he was holding as he clenched his hands. Reiner couldn't be certain that this wasn't a dream. His hands were itching to touch you, to feel the smoothness of your skin, and to confirm that you were indeed standing in front of him.

“I —” he spoke again, but stopped. What could he even say? That he was sorry? A simple ‘I’m sorry’ wasn’t enough. He knew he could never atone for all the violence he had ensued; for all the people that were dead because of him. The apology that was stuck in his throat was too little, too late.

You tilted your head slightly, and Reiner saw how your guarded expression slowly changed into something else. Your eyebrows narrowed and your face flushed a deep shade of red.

“Reiner,” you spat out his name.

Although he was expecting it, the venom in your voice startled him. The air between the two of you had shifted, becoming much more tense. His glance flickered from you to his surroundings. He could feel their watchful gaze on the two of you. Everybody in Liberio knew who he was. The people walking by seemed quite interested in what was happening between the Armoured Titan and the woman he was with. Looking back at you, he realised things could go south quickly. Hastily, he reached for your arm, without giving you a chance to fight him, and dragged you to the nearest alley, away from prying eyes.

“Back off, Braun.”

“You shouldn’t be here.”

“And you shouldn’t have been at my home, but things don’t always happen according to plan now, do they?” you retorted.

“I know this doesn’t count for anything, but I’m sorry. If I could go back in time, I would do things differently,” he admitted.

You looked away, breaking off the eye contact, “Well, you can’t.”

The slanting rays of the setting sun shone on your face, making you seem more alluring than ever. He was so screwed.

~~~

His admission caught you off guard. Did he regret doing what he did? Was he genuinely sorry? He did apologise, but how could you trust what he said? You had trusted him once, with your life and your heart, and look what happened.

“Was any of it real?” you asked.

Your eyes were trained on the cat rummaging for scraps in the alley dumpster, but your ears were straining to hear his answer. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him, specially if he confirmed he had merely used you for his mission.

“Yes. All of it. All of us,” he replied.

You turned your head and risked a peek in his direction.

“I — The mission was to break the wall, blend in, and bring the Founding Titan to Marley. You were never supposed to be a part of it.”

His eyes were focused on you.

“I tried really hard, you know. I tried not to fall in love with you. Annie and Bertolt realised what was happening as well and tried to keep me away from you, but we all know how that worked out,” he chuckled ruefully. “You were fierce when you protected and stood up for your friends. You were sweet and kind and understanding. You had been through so much —” his eyes cast downward “ — and yet you still could love and be kind.”

He looked back up at you. “By the time I realised what you meant to me, it was too late.”

You screwed your eyes shut. No, this couldn’t be happening. Four years. It had taken you four years to heal your heart and here he was breaking down your walls all over again.

“Stop,” you whispered.

“You deserve the truth, (Y/N)” he spoke softly.

You shook your head and opened your eyes. They burned with unshed tears.

“I never meant to hurt you, and I would spend the rest of my life making things right. I loved you.”

All this time you had been telling yourself that the bond you had shared with Reiner was nothing but a lie. He never cared about you. You were simply a means to an end for him. But the words spilling from his mouth were enough to turn your world upside down. You looked up as you felt the heat from his body. You could feel his breath on your face. Were you two standing this close before?

“I love you,” he whispered.

Your heart skipped a beat, your eyes jumping from his lips to his eyes. Reiner leaned in and you let him. You parted your lips and felt him washing over you like a wave of warmth. Your entire body tingled. The kiss started soft and slow with your arms locked with his. He took a step back when the two of you came back for air.

“I’m sorry, I needed to do that —” he started speaking, but you placed your hands behind his neck and pulled him in.

He wrapped his arms around your waist, holding your body close. He pulled you in, claiming your mouth once again, this time hungry and intense, until your knees gave in. His hands were on your hips and he lifted you up as if you weighed nothing. He moved the two of you so your back touched the wall. His body was pressing into yours and you inhale his scent. He still smelled like the boy who won you over years ago.

The two of you come back for air and he presses his forehead against yours.

There were a million thoughts running through your head. Reiner couldn’t know why you were in Marley, he couldn’t know about your friends being in Marley either, and oh shit, you were supposed to meet up with Jean. But right now, none of that mattered to you. All that mattered was that Reiner was here, with you, kissing you.

“I love you too, Reiner.”

~~~

If an ex who killed your friends and family tries to walk back into your life, please run far, far away.

#reiner x reader #reiner x y/n #reiner fanfic #reiner oneshot #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #snk oneshot #aot oneshots #jean kirstein

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astridthevalkyrie · 3 years

Text

summer rain: chapter 4

Your days in the Training Corp aren’t too out of the ordinary. You make friends, you train hard, and you eat dinner every day.

Oh, and you’re also hellbent on getting revenge against Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.

Chapter 3, Chapter 5

i have finally found the two perfect songs for this series and that’s everytime by chen & punch and talk love by k. will so go give those a listen because damn if it isn’t these two idiots.

anyways, enjoy the chapter!

Nothing is right anymore, and yet people are so quick to adapt to any sense of normalcy they can. It’s marveling to watch how, in two measly days, the refugees have quieted down and stopped fighting for food. Stopped fighting, period. Now they seek comfort in one another, a sense of camaraderie in knowing that they’ve all gone through the same thing. And holy hells are there a lot of them.

Because soon after Shiganshina was torn through because of the monster they were calling the Colossal Titan, Wall Maria itself fell. Ploughed straight through by something called the Armored Titan as though it was made of feathers. The refugees here are safe - for now - but there are countless of people who weren’t lucky enough to get behind Wall Rose, and they’re out there dying right about now. No one knows if Rose is going to hold either. No one knows anything. So with the kinsmanship comes a heavy pretense of safety, in which everyone ignores how scared they are in favor of counting themselves lucky that they get to live even a single day longer.

You’re doing what you can. Obeying orders without so much as a single complaint. Of course all rations are to be given to the refugees, so you’ve only had one eighth of a potato in the past twenty four hours, but it’s better than nothing. For once, you can’t find any fault with your situation, because no matter how terrible or hungry or scared you’re feeling, there is undoubtedly someone feeling worse.

Such as Ricky.

His mother and old sister managed to get to the boats. His father and younger sister weren’t so lucky.

The two of you had been stationed inside the base together, to watch and hand out resources to the refugees, but you’d immediately taken full responsibility and told Ricky to stay with his family. He’d pulled you into a bone-crushing hug and ran off, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Unfortunately, they’re pretty unpleasant.

Captain Erwin Smith is famed for bringing home soldiers who are still alive. That and Levi’s raw skill with his ODM gear makes you hopeful enough that he’s alive, so you try not to think of him. Frankly, it’s selfish to worry about a single person when there’s so many people at risk, so you bury the troublesome thoughts and focus on your job.

The Garrison has done a good enough job with the resources they have, but the Military Police’s presence is aggravating more than anything. They’re here to keep order, not to keep people safe, and everyone knows it. You wonder if your mother would prefer if you joined with these bastards instead of the choice you’ve made for yourself.

There you go again, being selfish. It’s always been about your life, and your absolute disdain for boredom. Out there, good people are laying down their lives. And you? You enlisted in the Training Corp as some form of self-fulfillment. It’s the first time you’re feeling this overwhelming guilt, as you realize just how ignorant your point of view is. You’ve never even so much as seen a titan, and yet you fancy yourself a soldier.

What a stupid girl you’ve been.

A tug on your uniform makes you snap out of your thoughts, and you look down to see a small girl with black hair wrapped in a scarf that’s too big on her. You blink, and try your best to smile reassuringly.

“Hey. You need something?”

The girl’s voice is quiet, soft, as though she’s trying her best not to be a bother. “They said you were giving out blankets here. May I have four of them, please?”

You nod, leaning down to check the crate by your feet. Unfortunately, you’d been swarmed by people asking for blankets just a few minutes earlier, and you’re just one short of how many the girl needs.

“I only have three left,” you begin apologetically, biting your lip, “but wait here, I’ll go check with someone else.” But you know that’ll be pointless, all the other stations have probably run out too, and if they haven’t, they’re saving for themselves. Calling them out won’t make them give it to you, that much is for sure.

Even the little girl seems to know that much. She shakes her head, taking the three blankets you offer her. “It’s alright. Three is enough. I’ll give them to the others.”

You frown. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter much. But you know that you would hardly be so selfless in the same situation. Hell, you would have wanted two blankets to yourself - these thin sheets are only going to do the bare minimum to keep people warm. The girl piques your curiosity.

“What’s your name?”

She hesitates for a second, then says, “Mikasa.”

You hum as though you’re thinking about it. “Pretty name. Who are the blankets for?”

She smiles faintly at the compliment. “My friends, Eren and Armin, and Armin’s grandpa.”

Not her parents. Your heart breaks for her. You’re not going to pry, the girl has probably seen enough, but you admire her maturity and willingness to spend the nights cold. It must take a lot to love some people so dearly that one would give up basic comfort. To risk getting sick, which, given the circumstances, may just be a death sentence. Yes, that kind of love is truly special, and you wonder if you’ll ever love someone that much.

You want to be a little selfless, too.

“Here.” You shrug off your uniform jacket, draping it over her shoulders. “I know it’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.”

Mikasa’s eyes widen. “But don’t you need it, ma’am?”

“Eh. They can make me another one.” You shrug. “Besides, to tell you the truth, orange isn’t really my color.”

Her eyes shine tiredly at the unexpected kindness. “Thank you.”

You watch her run off, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in. One person helped, out of thousands. It shouldn’t matter - you’re probably never going to see that girl again, you wouldn’t even know if the dumb uniform would do her any good. But there’s a part of you that can rest just a bit easier now, knowing that a child won’t be completely exposed to the harsh winter coming in. If the conditions of Wall Rose are anything to go by, you know that the refugees will be put to work in the fields very soon. It’s going to be a cold season indeed.

There’s been no time to process anything, which you’re almost grateful for. If you stop to think about the effect this is going to have on the fate of humankind, you might scream. There’s too much to think about, and there may be no time to think about it if things get even worse. For now, all you can do is try to help as many people as you can.

As Grumman always tries to drill into your head, it’s about dedicating your heart.

____________________

The new base and training areas are nice. That’s about all you can say for them. Losing the old one was akin to losing your home, and you know your comrades feel the same way, considering how awkward and depressing the shift has been. It feels stupid to start training again like the world hasn’t gone to shit, but you suppose it’s more necessary now than ever.

Everyone’s usual hijinks have stopped. Ophelia doesn’t cross her eyes and make faces whenever Grumman turns his back. Gunther’s habit of making finger guns every time he successfully slices a cardboard titan’s neck has ceased to exist. Even Traute, never one for jokes, seems even more morose and serious than usual. Everyone feels the loss keenly.

Ricky’s gone silent.

You don’t know how many people everyone has lost, and the worst feeling you’ve ever experienced is the relief that you haven’t lost anyone. It’s an ugly impulsive thought, but it trumps all the others in your head. Just overwhelming, horrible comfort.

It gets even worse when the Scouts return, almost three weeks later. There’s no cheers and hollers this time. Each and every single one of them is drenched in guilt and shame along with the blood coating their capes. Titan blood evaporates, you realize with a deep shudder.

The commander carries the same pain as the rest of them. Already, there’s been whispers of Commander Erwin, murmurs that Shadis is losing his touch and a younger, more clever man is needed. You don’t see how it matters who leads - titans are fucking titans, and they certainly don’t care. There’s no tactics that will make them stop being giant man-eating monsters.

You’ve been waiting for days to see Levi, but when you finally make him out, you quickly look away. The horrifying relief blooms in your chest again, and you curse and bless the circumstances that have brought you here. So he’s alive. So the constant anxiousness that has kept you up these last few nights is soothed. So what? Not everyone is as lucky as you. Things will never, ever go back to normal. You have no right to be happy about this.

When you glance at him again, you suck in a sharp breath when you see he’s gazing right back at you. There’s no brightness in his eyes, the rare spark that you’d seen in the moments the two of you shared is long gone. It seems like it was centuries ago. He’s seen too much. They all have.

There’s a question he seems to be asking you, but you have no idea what it is. You want to walk up to him, but a heavy force keeps your feet planted right where they are. All you can do is give him a confused expression, brows furrowed. It’s not like you’re telepathic. If he wants to ask you something, he’ll have to actually ask you.

But he doesn’t. He just looks away, seemingly conflicted, and continues to follow the others. When everything around him is hell, you wonder if you’re even important enough to be worth more than a couple of seconds of his attention. Thankfully, the thought isn’t painful like you imagined it might be. In fact, it’s a bit freeing to let go of this stupid, ridiculous, pointless plan. Your grudge against the lieutenant is about the least important thing in the world right now, so insignificant that you wonder how you ever thought it was worth your time in the first place. There’s no need to make yourself feel more like the foolish, self-centered bitch that you’re realizing you are.

The only problem that comes with letting go of this plan is that you’re letting go of Levi, and it’s a serious problem that the thought gives you such an aching pang in your chest.

____________________

Stephen is gently shaking you for a good ten seconds before you snap out of it, looking at him with a bewildered expression.

“Aren’t you going to go for your walk?”

You look around. Dinner is nearly over, and a few people have already filed out to go back to their dorms. You must’ve zoned out, like you have been ever since the Scouts came back earlier today. You’ve never been so unfocused in your life, simply because you didn’t like not knowing what was happening around you. This is so unlike you, but you’re not sure what to do to stop it. A dark cloud has settled over your shoulders, and you have absolutely no idea how to get rid of it.

“Yeah.” You sigh and stand up, squeezing his hand in thanks. “Ricky went to bed already?”

Stephen nods, with a concerned frown on his face. “I know you’re worried about him, (F/N). I am, too. A lot.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to have to worry about you too.”

You wince apologetically, running a hand through your hair. “Shit, I’m really sorry. Look, I’m fine, I am. I’m just...thinking a lot lately, that’s all.”

The last thing you want is to have your friends take time out of their day to schedule an intervention for you. You’re not the one who needs it. It’s as though everything just makes you feel worse and worse - it’s just that you feel fucking useless all the time, and now you’re an emotional burden to Stephen, who just has to be sweet to everyone.

“You don’t need to apologize,” he says kindly, “just take care of yourself, okay?

“Yeah. You too.” You squeeze his hand again and then head out, beginning your aimless walk around the grounds.

The moon is shining brightly, an unwanted beacon to the despair brewing inside you. Truthfully, you’re spiralling, and you haven’t spiralled in years, not since you decided to take control of your life. There’d been no trigger then, or maybe life itself had been the trigger, and you’d holed yourself up in your room as your head spun out of control. Cheesy questions like what am i doing here and what is my purpose and am i ever going to do anything meaningful rose to your mind then, and they do again now.

Back then, you’d decided that the answer simply lied outside of Stohess. You still believe that, to an extent. Going back isn’t going to solve anything, but...what did leaving accomplish? Your desires are fulfilled, but there’s no purpose to any of this. Not when people were and still are dying out there. Is the only way forward to dedicate yourself to the noble cause of saving humanity? There mustn't be a person alive who can give themselves that goal and actually hope to achieve it.

Well, except one.

This time, you’re the one who finds him.

He’s standing by his horse, stroking the fur gently. Somehow you’ve walked all the way to the stables without realizing. You take a step back, intending to walk away, but the selfish part of you that you’re starting to loathe doesn’t let you go any further than that. You’ve missed him, so much. You’ve missed his bad attitude, his amused smiles, his tantalizing gaze. You want it back, selfishness and selflessness all be damned. Now that he’s here in front of you, it’s too hard to resist.

“Lieutenant.”

Levi looks at you, and his shoulders droop as he stares wearily. He looks like he’s aged several years, and you consider that he probably doesn’t want to see you right now.

“Sorry to disturb you.” You take a deep breath, willing your hands to stay still by your sides and stop clenching. “Were you going for a ride?”

“Yeah.” He takes in the sight of you and then lets out the slightest of sighs. “Do you want to come?”

“What?”

Never in a million years did you expect him to offer going on a horse ride with you, and never in a billion years did you expect yourself to want to accept. You’re so taken aback that it doesn’t occur to you to note the little stool he’s using to hike himself up (as though he can’t pull himself on - it’s a formality more than anything). Levi’s looking at you, waiting for an answer, hand outstretched like he’s actually trying to live up to the fucking prince charming title you’ve given him.

“Okay,” you agree softly, not really knowing what the hell else you’re supposed to do.

You take his hand and he helps you on - really unnecessary, you can get on a horse by yourself - and you swallow when you realize he’s placed you in front. If he wants, he can observe your every reaction to him, and see...well, you don’t know what he’ll see or what you’ll do, but you know it’s not anything you’re willing to show him.

He gets on behind you, an arm snaking around your waist before he instructs you to hold onto the saddle tightly.

Neither of you speak. The horse trots peacefully, never going too fast. The poor thing’s probably done enough running to last it a lifetime. You caress the fur gently as you enter the forest, the moon now cloaked by the towering trees, stealing away your capacity for sight. It’s not something you inherently mind, honestly, it feels good to just close your eyes and relax.

But deep under the guilt and midlife crisis (probably more than midlife given the world you live in), you’re still you. And you get restless easily, not to mention you’ve been craving a conversation with Humanity’s Strongest Soldier, and you don’t want to pass up the chance.

“How bad was it?”

Okay, maybe not the conversation started you should have chosen.

“Bad,” Levi answers without much hesitation, “really bad.” He releases a shaky breath and on impulse you place your hand over his, immediately feeling awkward right after. Do you grip his fingers? Pat him in a show of solidarity? You don’t know, so you don’t do anything, but you don’t remove your hand either.

After a beat, he says, “I was wrong.”

You wrack your brain about what he could be wrong about. Maybe about asking you to come with him just now. Your company hasn’t exactly been what you would call pleasant.

“About what, sir?”

When Levi responds, you feel his hot breath on your neck and you barely stop yourself from shuddering. He shouldn’t be in such close proximity to you. Doesn’t he know what he does to you when he gets this close?

“I said I wanted to see the day that smile got wiped off your face. Now that the day’s here, I wish I could take it back.”

You whip your head around, not even bothering to make sure you don’t accidentally hit him. Luckily you don’t, even though he’s not far from you at all, just a centimeter closer and the tip of your nose would touch his. In the dark, you can barely make him out, but the grey eyes that have fascinated you for so long are discernible even without any light. He’s watching you, so intently that your face burns up, and you pray to whoever’s up there that he can’t see you too well without the moonlight.

But can anyone blame you? Lieutenant Levi, the man who’d punished you for smiling, was now claiming that he missed the very smile that had made you the bane of his existence. You can’t chalk it up to his usual mood swings, because you know it’s not that. You know he’s trying to tell you something, and you’re so close to figuring it out.

You don’t even flinch when his finger curls under your chin and tilts it up just a bit so he can appreciate the view properly.

Even in the dark, you know his lips are just a mere inch away from yours. You wonder what he tastes like.

No.

You turn back around, heart pounding wildly in your chest. It’s wildly inappropriate to think about doing something like that. You can’t, not when he’s your trainer and lieutenant and humanity’s savior. Whatever this is, you have to reel it in control.

“I can’t,” you say, and then quickly clarify so he doesn’t get the wrong idea, “I can’t smile. Not when so much has happened. How can I smile when people...when they’re out there...when you and the rest of the soldiers have sacrificed everything and I’ve done nothing?”

It’s not as though you expect him to give you the most motivational speech in the world, but when he answers, “You’re going to sacrifice plenty in the future,” you feel overwhelmed with guilt, and you just want it to stop. He doesn’t know. Doesn’t know your plans, your motivations, or why you’re here at all. He thinks you’re someone that you’re really, truly not.

But you’re not brave enough to tell him any of that. So you opt for the other truth, the less relevant but equally as pressing one.

“I’m not strong enough.”

“No,” Levi murmurs in agreement, “but you’re going to be.” Both his arms are curled around you, and there’s something uplifting in his tone when he says, “4 AM tomorrow, understood?”

Just like that, your goal changes.

If the lieutenant thinks that you can actually be useful, then maybe...maybe you actually can. You’ve somehow gotten in the top ten without even meaning to, so it’s not too much of a stretch to think you could be really good if you actively tried. And he’s still willing to train you - even after all that’s happened, he doesn’t consider you an added bother to his already difficult life. And you plan to value that, now. You’re going to get better, stronger, faster. No more passivity. And maybe if you do this, you can ease the guilt brewing inside before you completely drown in it.

“Yes, sir.”

Determination has risen back inside you, but a ghost of a smile only reappears on your face when you hear him yawn, something you’re one hundred percent sure you’ve never seen nor heard before.

“Are you actually sleepy, Lieutenant?” you tease quietly, “it’s not even 11 PM yet.”

“You should be happy,” he mutters, “all your efforts trying to chase away my insomnia and it’s finally worked.”

If not for the trees providing you safety in the form of the absence of light, you wouldn’t be as bold to do what you do next. Closing your eyes, you lean back and hunch down, resting your cheek against his chest. He stiffens a little at the close contact, but doesn’t say anything or push you away. You won’t kiss him, but you can allow yourself this much, just to seek comfort in the safety he provides just by being there. He’s so, so warm.

The horse rides on, and Levi keeps his arms around you and on the reigns.

Truthfully, as you listen to his heartbeat, you don’t think you’ll ever know who comforts who most tonight.

____________________

The next morning, you’re there before he is, on your fourth lap by the time he walks up. If Levi’s surprised, he doesn’t show it. He only takes his new spot on the new grounds at this new base, and watches you from afar.

Naturally, he still barks at you that your stance is sloppy when you start doing your squats, asking you snidely how many times he’s told you that you need to squat down at a ninety degree angle and just what you did in your early mathematics classes if that’s what you think ninety degrees is. He still presses you into the ground with his foot when you attempt to do a push-up without going all the way down. And he absolutely still withholds your water privileges until you’re practically dizzy from your activities.

Except this time, you have no complaints. You do what you’re ordered.

And maybe stop to give him one or two pointed glares.

When he dismisses you, you find that you’ve still got a bit of energy left. You’re certainly not sleepy.

“Will you spar with me?”

Levi raises a brow, unimpressed. “So you can get your ass handed to you again?”

“I’ve improved!” you cry out indignantly.

“Oh yeah, you’ve made great strides.” He snorts, digging his heel into the ground and raising his fists. “Okay, (L/N), give me your best shot.”

With Lieutenant Levi, the thing that matters most is the element of surprise. Last time, you went for his legs, so he’ll see that coming. You quickly scan his stance - how is it that you two have spent so much time together and you still haven’t located a single weakness of his? Not that that’s what you’re doing anymore, but it would sure be helpful in a fight. Needless to say, you need to think fast.

So before either of you can move, you cry out in pain, clutching your side. “Shit! I - I think I pulled a muscle - ow, fuck -”

Levi’s beside you in an instant, hand reaching down to inspect your stomach. Damn, you’re a better actor than you give yourself credit for. As soon as he reaches out, you grab his bicep with both your hands, plant your feet, and yank up as hard as you can.

No, you probably can’t throw him over your shoulder. But you can at least try to whirl him around you and then tackle him while he tries to regain his balance.

Well, you could if Levi didn’t twist his arm out of your grasp within a single second and grab you in a chokehold.

“Playing dirty, are we?” he whispers in your ear, “naughty girl, I should keep you here an extra hour just for that.”

Gasping for breath, you pat his elbow repeatedly in defeat. Surrender, you surrender! After holding on to lord his victory over you just a little longer, he lets you go, and you suck air into your lungs desperately.

He doesn’t make you stay any longer, but nonetheless, you certainly lose your brawl. How disappointing.

“I’ll...get you...next time…”

Levi’s lips quirk into what can be taken for a smile. “No, you won’t.”

“Yes I will!”

____________________

You lose the next time.

____________________

And the next time.

____________________

And the next.

____________________

It’s a whole two months later when Ricky laughs again.

There’s nothing funny about the situation at all - everyone is freezing their ass off in the middle of nowhere and questioning just how surviving a snowy mountain is going to improve their combat skills. No one was brave enough to ask this question before, though, so now all they can do is deal with it. The problem is that your group is definitely lost.

“Well, this is great,” Gunther groans, sinking on his knees into the snow. You wonder how he can handle the cold biting past his clothes and into his skin.

Ophelia, who’s been pessimistic since the beginning, seems to take this as her permission to sling her bag off and completely give up. “We’re going to die up here.”

You huff. “We’re not going to die, but yeah, we’re gonna lose some merit. They’ll probably send a search party by morning.”

“T-tell us, (F/N),” Gunther says in that smarmy tone of his that makes you pity his parents, “how exactly are we going to make it till morning? You got a fur coat hiding away in those custom boots?”

Ophelia snorts and you narrow your eyes at him. “If I did, I wouldn’t share it. And they’re not custom, it’s actually a very popular brand item.”

“Well, mind trading with me? All I have are these ratty ones.”

“I do mind, actually.”

Ricky hasn’t said anything, only observed your interactions with a blank expression. You let out a pained breath, filled with disdain at seeing your precious oxygen visibly. Yeah, you’ve decided you’re not a fan of the cold, not one bit. You’re already one of those people who is cold all the time, and this isn’t really helping. Apparently no one has any idea, and although Gunther was assigned team leader, you decide to step in.

“We have two options.” You hug yourself, rubbing your arms in an unsuccessful attempt to warm up. “We could try to find some shelter and stay alive till morning, or…” You sigh, not really a fan of all the work that goes into option two, but it’s still the one you’re leaning towards. “Or we get our shit together and find out how to get back to the cabin tonight.”

You’ve got something to prove, after all.

Ophelia’s teeth are chattering as she says, “W-where the h-hell will we find shelter out here?”

“Nowhere. That’s why we’re gonna go with the other idea.”

“Someone’s eager to hold onto her position,” Gunther accuses, “even if it means sacrificing her team!”

“Oh my God, who am I sacrificing? Who have I sacrificed so far? No one!”

“Yet!”

You make a rude gesture and stalk off on your own. The others call after you, but only Ricky follows, grabbing your shoulder before you misstep and tumble into the icy ground. You groan loudly, this is so not how the night was supposed to go. You have to make it back.

“You’ve changed,” Ricky says all of a sudden. “I’ve known that for a while, and I know that we all have, but you’ve done a complete turnaround. I mean…” He hesitates, considering his words carefully. You wonder if he knows that just by doing that, he’s showing that he’s changed quite a bit too. “You would have decided to give up on this by now. So what’s the deal?”

Honestly, it’s surprising that it’s taken him this long to ask. Nonetheless, these days you’re glad to hear Ricky speak at all, so anything he says is welcome. That doesn’t mean you know how to answer his question, though.

“Like you said, we’ve all changed. I just decided to…” You trail off and shiver, rubbing your hands together.

“Give a shit?”

You give him a weak smile. “Yeah.”

Ricky nods, looking satisfied enough with the answer. There’s a slight shift in his expression as he peers at you. “It’s not out of pity, right?” When you look confused, he clarifies. “Not out of pity for me. I know I don’t matter that much to you - I just mean, if you feel bad for everything that’s happened, to everyone, you shouldn’t.”

Scoffing, you glare at him, with crossed arms. “Who said you don’t matter to me?”

“Do I?” He grins, looking genuinely surprised. “Me, the outer city peasant?”

This time you allow yourself to speak without thinking. Sometimes, the moment just calls for it. “Yeah, well, we rich folk have to do some charity work sometimes.”

That’s when Ricky laughs, and oh, how you’ve missed the sound. He throws his head back, looking up to the sky like he’s praying. Snowflakes coat his cheeks, and when he looks back at you, his eyes are bright, and he’s gazing at you in the same way you’re sure he once gazed at his poor, lovely little sister who couldn’t make it long enough to see her brother step up and become a hero of humanity.

Then he grabs your arm, yanking you forward.

“Come on, twerp.” He ignores your protests that his hand is freezing. “Let’s get you off this mountain.”

____________________

Okay, Petra definitely knows that you’re trying to compete with her for the number one position. She’s just too nice to say anything, so the two of you just silently try to outdo each other in every which way. Teacher asks a question in class? Either your hand or her’s will fly up right away. Grumman walks by? Well, the two of you are saluting faster than anyone else can even ball their fist. There’s an advanced exercise at 2 PM? You both finished your exercises early and are there at 1:30.

You’re not even sure when you started competing with her, but here you are.

And to be fair, you’re neck and neck with the star student. In classes, you’re basically equal, her because she works hard and studies and you because you retain information well and can play suck up rather well. As for hand to hand combat, you pretty much top your entire Cadet Corp except maybe Traute. When people are paired up to train to steal the knife from each other, no one ever wants to partner up with you (which both hurts and is rather flattering). Yeah, in a fight, you’re pretty much secure. It’s the 3D maneuvering where Petra has you beat.

Now, you’re not bad at using your ODM gear, not by any means. She’s just a damn natural. Any maneuver that takes you five days to pull off is one she can manage in three. A part of you wishes that she actually was a horrible person - then you could at least use your dislike of her as a motivator to beat her. Alas, you’re quite fond of the other girl.

These complaints are what you find yourself telling Levi one morning, after requesting that he watch you fly through the forest. Nowadays it wasn’t entirely unusual for you to stay past 6 AM, either doing extra training or just talking to him. He’d complied, and you’d gotten gear for the both of you to use in the forest.

Seeing him in action only serves to make you even more grouchy about your own skills. Levi’s already fast enough on his feet; with the ODM gear he seems nearly invincible and you have an inkling he’s not performing to the best of his abilities just to monitor you. When you finally tire yourself out, you grumpily toss the gear off, head out into the grass, check for bugs and flop down onto your back once you’re sure it’s safe. “I don’t get it,” you moan unhappily, “why can’t I do it as well as you can?”

Levi steps in front of you, his head blocking out the rising sun. Ah, perfect. “It’s because you enjoy it too much.”

“Oh, is that your professional diagnosis?”

He sucks in a long breath, which you know translates to you’re so fucking difficult, damn shitty brat. “My professional diagnosis is that you’re a dumbass.”

“Aww, thanks, sir! But I only take medical advice from licensed professionals.”

Levi notes your position and moves out of the way to allow the sun to blind you. You wince, squinting in the sunlight, and your hand comes up to shield your poor eyes. Averting your gaze, you peer straight up. In the middle of spring, from the open grounds down below, the clouds have never looked more beautiful.

“Wanna lay down with me? It’s therapeutic. The grass feels great.” You beckon him down next to you, but he shakes his head, instead choosing to deliver a small kick to your side. You hiss - someone seriously needs to do something about the lieutenant’s violent tendencies.

“Do you think I’m doing this so you can look at the pretty sky?”

Tossing your arm over your eyes, you say, “No, you’re doing this because you’re interested in me.”

The sound that Levi lets out is so strangled that you immediately look at him, concerned. He turns away from you for a second, scoffing with his cheeks tinted slightly red, and that’s when you realize he took your statement in an entirely wrong way. You’re a bit offended nonetheless, he doesn’t have to act like it’s disgusting to even think about you in that way. People have been interested in you! It’s happened, you’re a delight! He’s just blind, that’s all.

“I meant interested in me as a subordinate.” You sit up, knees hunched to your chest. “Now that Commander Erwin is in charge, everyone knows you’re going to get promoted soon too. Get a whole squad all to yourself.” Grinning at him, you let your palms rest on the blades of grass beneath you. “Hunting for your own lieutenant, Captain Levi?”

Huh. The title rolls right off the tongue. It suits him pretty well.

He looks at you strangely for a second, before holding his hand out. As you tug yourself up, he mutters, “Please, if I was going to have a lieutenant, I’d need someone competent.”

“Well,” you drawl, not bothered, “I’m not interested anyways.” At least there, you’re being truthful. Even if the thought makes you feel ashamed.

You and him continue to bicker as you walk across the grounds to put the gear back in the shed. While you don’t exactly walk slowly, you don’t go at your fastest pace either, itching to prolong the time that the two of you share. A stark contrast to the first few weeks you trained with him, when all you could think about was going back to bed. Now, nearly a year and a half later, you’re not sleepy, you’re not angry, and you don’t hate him.

When it’s time to part ways, you pretend as though you’re studying him carefully.

“What?” Levi snaps, but there’s no bite to his bark.

“I stand by what I said earlier, about you wanting a lieutenant.” A small smirk spreads on your lips. “But I also think you just have a crush on me.”

He stares at you. A second passes. Two seconds.

Three seconds.

You burst out laughing, hitting his shoulder. “You should see your face! Did you think I was serious?”

He looks at you with his eyes narrowed crossly, only serving to make you laugh louder.

“Minx,” he finally says, shaking his head, “a fucking minx is what you are, (L/N).”

____________________

“It’s raining!”

The excitement with which you squeal those words has nearly everyone rolling their eyes, but they follow you out anyways. It’s nice of them to abandon their lunch for this momentous occasion, rain during the summertime. You feel a rush of love for your fellow cadets, specifically for the three people who are right besides you. Of course you’ve always considered Millie your best friend, but Ricky and Stephen had filled a piece of your soul that you didn’t know was empty. This is your family, and you love them.

“Stephen!” Millie’s voice comes, scolding next to you. “Are you serious?”

“What?”

“He still doesn’t know what regiment he wants to join.”

“Leave him alone,” Ricky asserts, taking a swipe at her that she ducks.

“I know what I want to join,” Stephen mumbles, “I’m just not sure…”

Somehow, you know exactly what he’s considering. The rain gives you courage.

“The Scouts are wonderful.” Stephen turns to you, surprised, and you let out a giddy laugh. “They’re amazing. Brave, and heroic, and they kick ass. You’d do really well there, Stephen.”

You’re rambling, but by some miracle, Stephen takes your words to heart and makes his decision.

“Okay,” he says, with a wide smile on his face. “I’ll join the Scouts.”

Ricky coughs into his fist, something that sounds suspiciously like kiss ass. You’re too enthralled by your current environment to notice that, or Millie’s disapproving glare.

Bathing in the rain, you spin around until you’re dizzy. Droplets pour down your face, soaking your hair, your uniform, and you couldn’t be more thrilled. This, really, is what happiness is. The chance to fool around in the rainfall, to throw your hands up and feel precisely just how little of a speck you are in the vast, wide world. Slipping a hand into your bun, you let your hair down, closing your eyes as you soak up the thrill.

Everyone is chattering in groups around you. No one is mourning the lunch that has been long forgotten in the mess hall.

There’s grey eyes watching you when you open yours, a fond smile that you think he probably let slip past the tough exterior on his face. No one can resist this weather.

Maybe third time’s the charm. Even if it’s not, it doesn’t hurt to try, right?

You raise your hand and wave at him.

From the distance, still watching you closely, Levi sighs softly and then waves back.

Something you’ve never felt before bubbles up in your chest. It threatens to consume you as the others become a blur in the precipitation around you. You feel light on your feet, almost as though you’re not even touching the ground anymore. Affection? Adoration? For him?

Maybe it’s because of the stupid way he holds his teacup. Or maybe it’s the way he looks at you like you’re the funniest, most ridiculous person he’s ever met. It might be how his touch always lingers, how he’s always warm, and how he never fails to catch you when you stumble. How about that dumb cravat, why is he always wearing that?

His sarcastic quips, always ready to fire back at you. The way he brushed your tears away that time he’d found you crying. How he never pushes you to open up more than you want to, and how truthful he is. The feeling you get when he smiles or laughs at you, knowing it’s a rarity for him. His eyes, a blend of silver and charcoal that you could stare into for hours and still never get tired of.

It’s here, dancing in the summer rain, that you realize something that really should have been painfully obvious. There’s a reason you notice all these things. There’s a reason your heart is fluttering right now. There’s a reason that time has frozen, and there’s a reason you feel like you’re floating a thousand miles up in the air.

It’s because you like him. You really, really like him.

Oh, shit.

reader on her first day: wow levi’s eyes are beautiful

reader whenever levi is in front of her: damn he is so alluring

reader every time levi so much as glances at her: does he like me?

reader for two years: if levi asked me to have sex with him i would

also reader: omg i have a crush on him??? how is that possible?????

falling for a guy just because he finally waved back at you after like sixteen months is kinda weird but you do you girl.

one chapter left! :O

#aot #attack on titan #aot x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #valkyrie stories

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caesthetix · 3 years

Text

SAY A LITTLE PRAYER — Pt. 3 No God Made A Sin

↪Eren Yeager mini-series

↪content; major character death, canon universe, heavy angst, homicide, description of violence, established relationship, spoiler for season 4

A small, bitter chuckle slipped from his lips.

He was relieved. Eren Yeager had never felt this relief over nineteen years of his life.

A few minutes had passed since the time you were supposed to be here. He won, he could alter the future by changing some of his actions. Yes, it made you get shot before as you left since he gave you a cold shoulder in the airship, but at least that means you were not going to be here.

He was certain your friends would be extra protective over you with the wound you had right now. A little more to the right and you would end up like Sasha. The reminder alone was enough to make him shudder. Yes, he could keep you from death as long as you were not here, and he cursed himself for not trying to do the same with Sasha.

But there was only so much that a man could change.

He didn't know what would happen if he altered the event too much. Right now, he was aiming for something bigger, a future where he did not have to do evil things such as crashing the whole world to the ground.

And if this worked, if you were really not going to be here, maybe he would be given a chance for redemption after all.

Maybe from this — by being blessed with seeing how the world would unfurl — he could change the future that was supposed to be so doomed.

Now, an hour has passed. He was sure you were not going to meet him tonight, hopefully never again if that was even possible. If that means his attitude would make you afraid of him from now on, that was the price he was willing to pay.

At least you survived, at least you were going to be alive somewhere up there with the rest of his comrades.

Soon, everything would be over. And you were going to be happy living with someone else. He could see how a certain ash-brown haired scout always gave you a gaze full of affection, and he wished, in a future that was stretched out of reach for him and far from his vision, you would live a happy life.

He wouldn't have to see you cry if somehow he was the one who would say the first goodbye. He wouldn't have to endure the pain of leaving someone behind, he knew how it felt when someone you loved was taken away from you, and he didn't want you to endure such pain.

Yet at the same time, he didn't know if he could bear the fact to be left behind by you.

Ever since he saw the emptiness inside your eyes when he kissed Historia's hand, he could never erase that particular memory out of his mind. You still talked to him, resting your head on his shoulder, running your fingers on his brown hair, planting small kisses on his forehead — oh how he wondered what would you do if only you knew.

There were times when he wanted to give in, to confess his sin every time you asked him to share his burden with you. Maybe you would leave, if you knew what would happen in the future, you were going to scramble away from him, look at him as if he were a monster, just like how a lot of people saw him.

But he was so fucking selfish.

Even if he knew what would happen if you stayed with him, he still longed for you. To see you pinching Mikasa's cheek affectionately, one that made the ravenette drilling hole in your head despite how she never refused the gesture anyway.

To hear you encouraging Sasha and Connie as they tried to pull a prank on the headquarters, that mostly resulted in the three of you getting scolded by Captain Levi. There were lots of memories that perhaps wouldn't happen if only he confessed his sin to you.

And up until now, he still asked himself if there was another way to get through this hell called earth.

Without some sacrifices, without losing you and his friends.

"I hate the fact you always end up in a prison somehow."

His emerald pupils widened for a second when he heard the familiar voice. Even his reflection looked at him with horror. No, no. You were not supposed to be here, he was not supposed to hear your voice that he craved so much.

"Love, are you running out of clean shirts? Should I fetch one for you?"

The sentences, he had heard it all before. Haunting him for so many years even when he laid next to you every night. Maybe he just needed to keep his mouth shut. If he didn't say anything, you would get bored and leave. "Goodness Eren, you could at least make your bed!"

"Shut up."

He couldn't, he couldn't hear it anymore. It was too much.

"Huh? What do you mean shut up?"

Why, why was there no fear in your intonation?

"I knew you were stupid, but not this stupid."

His gaze never left the mirror in front of him. He didn't dare to turn his head and find you there at the other side of the bars, he could not let the future he saw become a reality. "Leave. I don't want to see you right now."

"Hm, don't want to."

He was flabbergasted at your answer. You were supposed to be understanding, agree with whatever he said without questioning him even further. He expected you to turn around and never come back. But rather than hearing your footsteps echo through the wall, he heard the jangling of the key instead.

You were here. Not just standing outside like a dumb visitor, you were here inside the cell with him as if the man in this same room as you right now was not someone who just literally committed genocide to a whole town.

He heard a small hum coming from your lips and some rustles of sheets being made. You really made his bed — the cold, hard, uncomfortable mattress for a criminal, treating him like he was a kind man, maybe even a God with how much you had done in your life while singing his hymn.

For you to fight, you fight for Eren.

For you to kill, you kill for Eren.

For you to live, you live for Eren.

His breath was laboured right now, every step that you took felt like a reminder that at the end, he was the one who would be responsible for whatever was going to happen next. But then again, he couldn't find it, the reason. You have been here for a while and yet he could not find the reason why he did that in his vision.

Maybe he could change the future, after all, he could only count on high hopes at this moment, deciding to stay put in his place as he stared back to his own reflection. Then he felt warm, engulfing him completely as you stood right beside him. He could see you peering at his face from the corner of his eyes, beady orbs looked at him with the same kind of love.

"You still looked as handsome as ever, Eren. You don't need to look at the mirror with that flame in your eyes!" You joked, who in the right mind would tease a man who had thousands of blood on his hand? The answer, you. The one and only. "You look at it as if it is so ugly you despise it." But he despised it indeed, he despised the man who he saw in the mirror.

He let out a sigh, shaking his head at your antics. It was surprising how devoted you were to him, you were no one but a stranger at first. But the way you cared for him, he craved for it too, since you didn't make him feel suffocated, didn't make him feel weak. No. Instead, he felt how it feels to be loved purely by heart.

Eren did not save you from kidnappers like how he did to Mikasa, he did not save you from bullies like how he did to Armin either. But you somehow looked at him as if he was God, a purpose to live, without him needing to do anything at first.

You were not possessive, you just — loved him. Scolding him when he was too much of an ass, helping him get through the training for three years in the cadet corps, showing the same excitement like Armin did when the talk of the outside world was brought up. Even though you loved him, you didn't make him feel like he needed to run away.

Maybe that was why he sought your company, the reason why with time, he was head over heels for you too.

"Eren?"

You called out, one hand resting on his naked back. Your fingers that were calloused going up and down to soothe him, urging him to take a deep breath. Yes, you were here for him. He wouldn't have to do such a thing as what his vision told him to.

"Hey."

There it was, a simple greeting. You looked at him with awe, your eyes gleaming with excitement as he finally turned his face to take a proper look at you. You looked so radiant, even if you were just bathed with a yellow hue from the torch on the wall.

Through his eyes, you were so adorable. Yes, you sure were beautiful before, but when he gazed at you, when he gave you the attention that you craved for — it was as if you have been blessed by God.

Your smile met your eyes, those orbs suddenly glimmering with tears. It had been so long, to find his eyes fell upon your face. And he felt so bad that you needed to wait for years, for him to be brave enough facing you without being afraid of what could happen.

"I missed you so much, Eren."

You didn't wait for him to open up his arms as you jumped into him. It was like you knew that he wouldn't push you away, as if you could predict his movement after being given such a gesture from you.

His arms engulfed you in an instant, reciprocating the way you wrapped your hands giddily around his neck. It had been so long indeed, and he just wanted to cry at this moment. He buried his face at the crook of your neck, inhaling the scent that could make him feel so much better.

In your arms, it feels like he was home. Your existence was enough to make him feel like a child whose task was just going home before night and running an errand to buy groceries. Now he knew why he felt so empty for the last few years.

It was because he always pushed you away.

Because he neglected the home that he was supposed to come back to.

"I missed you so much too."

And just tonight, even if it was just a few minutes, he wanted to cherish how it felt to have you in his arms once again.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ༶•┈┈⛧┈〄┈⛧┈┈•༶ *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

He never felt comfort like this for a long time. Snuggling close to your body, taking a deep breath as he memorized your scent — he wished he had more time with you than half an hour.

"Hm, how many minutes have passed?"

He asked groggily, emitting a chuckle from your lips at how cute he sounded just now.

"I think twenty? Twenty-five?"

"What? No. I am sure it was just five minutes."

You laughed at how he scrunched his forehead, lips turned into a scowl as he realised that the time was almost up. He was pouting, Eren Yeager was pouting like a kid who was scolded by his parents.

Absent-mindedly, you raised one of your hands to cup his cheek, thumb grazing softly on his skin. Eren was a gift that God bestowed upon you, or maybe he was a God himself with how gorgeous he was. He and his emerald eyes, mesmerized you as his gaze flickered to your orbs.

And then down to your lips.

His fingers slipped in between the strands of your hair as his gaze flew back to your eyes, never broke the eye contact that you two shared after that. He grasped your hair softly, just enough to secure your position, but not too harsh that it could hurt.

"Eren."

You whispered his name like a prayer as he started to lean in, closer and closer, wanting to erase the gap that separated you and him. He didn't need to ask, he knew from the way you parted your lips, you wanted him to do it.

Then who was he to ignore such a request from his lover?

You closed his eyes, only for him to follow after. At this moment, it was as if the time had stopped, and the only thing that you could hear was just the beating of his heart resonating through the room.

He could feel your breath fanning his lips, reminding him that this would be the first kiss that you two shared after months without physical contact. And truthfully, he couldn't wait to taste your lips anymore.

Grasping your hair a little bit tighter, he finally captured your lips.

He saw it, all of the kisses that you two have shared. Each moment played in his mind as if to show him what was true happiness felt like. From the first accidental kiss as he slumped on your figure at hand-on-hand combat, to the first real kiss that sealed a promise at the battle of Trost.

It was so beautiful, each moment that happened. There was this one kiss after his fight with the female titan in Stohess, another after the scout took him back from Reiner and Bertolt's grasp, it was not much, but all the kisses had been planted in his mind to be remembered forever.

Everything was replaying as if he saw a record of his life. Over and over again like a broken record. Your tears stained cheek when you kissed him at Reiss Chapel, him asking for comfort through your lips after reclaiming Shiganshina, the drunk kisses in Marley, the last peck that he gave before he departed alone —

"I am sorry." The ravenette cried, her cheek was filled with bruises and tears. "I am so sorry." Her blade was buried on someone's torso, deep enough to end their life, she just needed to move the edge from the body to finish it. But she stopped, she didn't have the courage to twist the edge, not yet.

Someone's cough, a small chuckle followed after as their breath started to get heavier for every second passed.

"It's alright, Mikasa." That voice was comforting, making the woman in front of them cried harder. "This was the path that I chose."

The sky was blue that day, rough wind blew their hair mercilessly, reminding them how they were far away from the ground right now. Ah, yes, they remembered now how everything leads up to this moment. They were here for some reason; to fight, to kill, and to keep on living.

But they did it all for him.

You did it all for him.

"Why?" She choked out as her hands trembled. "Why did you stay with him? Look at what he did, look at how many lives he had taken." So, she had realised that. "How could you stay for him, (Y/n)?!"

"Hm?" You hummed softly, realising that darkness slowly replacing the light in your vision. "What else, Mikasa?" Another chuckle, though halted with how you cough blood after that. "Because I love him."

Yes, as simple as that.

Your eyes fleeting pass her, watching how your old friends were fighting for their own life in the grasp of the ninth titan ancestors. They were here to kill, to stop your lover from finishing his mission. And there was nothing else that you could do.

You were already done for at this point, with how a single move could kill you in an instant, you knew that your time was up, there was nothing that you could change. Well, maybe except one.

"Let me go, Mikasa." You whispered as you looked at her once again. "Pull the blade, let me fall." It was as if you were trying to save her from the regret and pain that would ensue knowing she was the one who took your life away. "It's okay, I promise."

She was hesitating, her head whipped to the back since she could hear some heavy footsteps closing in. A titan or two was ready to attack her, and she needed to think fast at this point.

"Mikasa, look at me." She bit her lips, yet immediately looked down at you from the command. "I am already proud of myself for staying by his side. I will be gone as a loyal partner." You pushed yourself to grab the blade, reminding her of the situation. "But you still need to live, you have to find a way to keep on fighting."

You wanted to say more, but there was not enough time and energy. The titans were close, everyone was fighting so hard to sway them away from your black-haired friend. But they couldn't hold those monsters much longer, Mikasa needed to decide now.

Sucking a deep breath and ignoring the pain that filled your lungs, you screamed at her, snapping her for one last time.

"Mikasa! Pull away the blade! Now!"

And she did.

The next second you were falling, your body hitting the head of the colossal titan, from one titan to another, slowing you down from the inevitable death that would follow after. Your eyes never left the blue sky that spread in your vision, securing it as the last thing that you saw.

You couldn't feel anything as your body landed on the ground. Too numb, too broken to feel any pain even though in reality, your body was already disorientated, gigantic feet stomping at your limbs. But you didn't cry out for help.

You just accepted it, as red replaced the blue, as flesh replaced the fresh air in the sky.

A smile never left your tear-stained cheek. You didn't even realise that you cried. Yet one thing that you knew for sure, you didn't cry because of how it all turns out, you didn't cry because of the path that you chose, you didn't cry because you ended up dead under the titans that your lover activated.

But you cried because you have been wondering, if everything that you did was enough.

For him.

"Hey, Eren, have I been good enough for you?"

"Yes, you have." He couldn't breathe. "You have— You are good enough for me. You are even more than enough." It was too much to process, even more than that time he saw this moment unfurled in his vision.

Because back then, he didn't know what actually happened. He couldn't see the reason why he cried, he couldn't understand why he had his hand wrapped around your neck with one goal that he always hated.

To kill you.

But now his question was answered, now he knew why he in his vision decided to do such a thing to you.

"Love?" How could he face you now? "Oh, Eren, why are you crying?" You were so caring, thumb grazing on his cheek to erase all tears that never seemed to stop. "I promise I will give you lots of kisses later on too, okay?"

This made him snort, snapping him back to reality as he composed himself. He pulled away from you, sitting on the edge of the bed. So sudden he could even feel the pang in his heart for leaving such warmth. If he felt like this, he couldn't imagine how your heart ached from his gesture.

He contemplated, head hanging low as he stared at his two hands that were now trembling. You were going to die, slow and painful if he decided to keep you alive. Alone, disentangled, heavily wounded, and crushed by the sixty meters titan. He let out a bitter chuckle, knowing that whatever he did, you were going to die because of him.

"What can I do to make you leave me?"

It was so quiet, he couldn't even hear your breath after he threw the question. Eren waited for an answer, he wished you to say something, anything, he wanted to make sure that you were not going to follow him. He wanted you to be saved, for you not to feel such agonizing death.

But you just cleared your throat. He could hear you kicking the blanket that covered you before, muttering under your breath in frustration before jumping down the bed. Your action made him raise his eyebrows, wondering why you looked so angry, why you seemed disturbed with his question.

"(Y/n), answer—"

"Nothing!"

He was taken aback by your outburst. Now he was the one who could not see your expression with how you gave him your back instead. "Nothing, Eren. There's nothing that you could do." You walked to where you put your jacket, snatching it from the ground. "You could try anything, but I will stay. I will stay and side with you. Always."

He closed his eyes, searching for an answer inside his mind. From anyone that he knew, it must be you who had a painful death.

No, he couldn't let you die like that. You deserved a future, in a world where peace and freedom were finally within your reach, he wanted you to see that, go live through that, even though it was not with him. That was what he promised you after all, freedom.

"You hear me, Eren?" You exclaimed, slipping your jacket before turning your body to face him, gaze locked with his. "I am not going anywhere. Not even if you ask me to." Your voice softened by now. As if you didn't care that he looked at you with his cold, murderous eyes.

There was nothing that could make him change your mind, he should have known that. The way you spoke, the tone that you used, was enough to make him understand. That he couldn't ask you to leave, he couldn't threaten you to stay with the Survey Corps.

In the end, your death was something that couldn't be altered.

It was either later, or now.

You gasped, body slammed to the brick wall behind you. Your feet flailing around, pupils widened with shock as you choked out. Huffing for air, he gripped your neck tighter, not giving you a chance to get more. Not enough, tighter! You looked so helpless for a second, panic struck your mind as you thrashed around.

But then your eyes met with his, and just like that, you stopped.

He didn't know what you were thinking. You just stared at him. Lips parted, trying to say something even though your oxygen was limited by now. He could see the colour draining from your face, little by little. And yet you kept on trying, pushing the words from your lips.

"I will—"

Your voice cracked, yet your eyes still held his gaze. With the same comfort look that he always found, with no fear in your orbs like how so many people looked at him.

"Devote my heart—"

He ignored how your right hand went up to your chest, balled into a fist as you gave him a sincere smile. A smile that was full of pride. As if living and fighting for him was something that you were proud of.

"To you."

It was a salute. That was what you gave him. You have become a good soldier, he knew that. Fighting alongside him to kill the enemies, staying by his side when everyone was afraid of him, still looking at him with the same love and kindness despite all things that he had done.

Up until now.

Up until now as the colour in your eyes was gone.

You still looked at him, as if he was God.

He choked out, now the one who gasped for air as his vision blurred with tears. The realisation hit him, gnawing his soul as slow as possible so he could taste the grief even more. He wanted to scream out when Sasha died. But now, knowing you were the one who died and because of him on top of that —

He wanted to rip his heart into pieces.

"I am sorry." He sobbed, releasing his grip on your neck before pulling you to his embrace. "I am sorry, I am such a coward. I am sorry." He couldn't, he couldn't see you die fighting for him. He couldn't see you get trampled by those titans that were supposed to give you freedom.

So this was the answer. Yes, that was it. It would be better for you to see freedom in another world. In a world without titans, without death trying to catch up with you anywhere you go, without someone that would die in a few years as your lover and comrades.

A chuckle slipped from his lips as his fingers tangled on your damp hair, smoothing it out softly as he kissed the side of your face, bidding farewell to someone who he knew would always be with him. Even if the body couldn't follow him anymore.

Closing his eyes, he smiled, remembering the day he met you. As darkness stretched through the horizon, and a full moon was the only thing that lit the world. You were flying around with your manoeuvre gear, practising even though it was late at night.

He was amazed at how you could even hear him walk towards you. The way you whipped your head to face him, a smile of relief tugged on your lips as you realised it was just another cadet, the soft look inside your eyes and how it shone brighter with the moon reflected your glossy orbs.

This was the choice that he knew he would regret less. For you to die without fear, with your typical gentle gaze that could melt everyone on sight. For you to be free, to reach whatever paradise that you would see after you took your last breath.

He could only wish that someday he would be with you again.

Letting you go, he stood up without faltering. His emerald orbs that you always adored now would be forever dull. Like a dark leaf that fell from its tree; it couldn't gleam anymore. His lips shaped into a thin line, staring at your lifeless body one last time before turning his back on you.

This moment was a turning point. Now he knew that he couldn't change anything. He was tied to his vision, all the plans must be executed. And without you in this world, perhaps it would be so much easier for him to just look forward and finish his duty.

He didn't look back, dragging his feet to the sink before filling it with water. He fetched the hairband in his pocket, eyes never leaving the reflection that looked at him with red and tired eyes. Just a little bit longer. He washed his face, not bothering to wipe it with a cloth as he let the water drip down the sink.

Just a little bit longer and you could go find her again.

Eren Yeager has given you your freedom.

Now, he just needed to grant freedom to the rest of the world.