Chapter Six- Thicker Than Blood
The next few days passed in a strange blur, a mixture of moments of emotional intensity spiking through long stretches of worried watchful boredom. Vanyel was scarcely conscious for more than a candle-mark at a time, only long enough to coax some food or more medicine into him before he fell back into his deeply drugged sleep. Tylendel had overheard the healers one morning talking about the medicines they were giving him, he didn’t know herbs from dandelions, but he did know what argonel was and his blood had run cold to hear that they were giving something that strong and that dangerous to his beloved.
He hated, absolutely hated seeing Vanyel this way. Laying so utterly slack and near lifeless in their bed, in his brief bouts of semi-wakefulness he sat swaying, his eyes glassy and blank. Worse was how he could barely feel his lover even when he was sitting right beside him. He could still feel their bond, feel his life thrumming on the other end anchoring him, but there was barely any presence there. None of his sharp wit and clever humor, no quicksilver emotion, no feeling of his love reaching back for him.
There wasn’t even any pain anymore. Tylendel knew he should just be grateful the healers drugs had finally delivered his beloved to a place beyond his constant agony, but that pain that not even the Workroom shields could block out had been at least a constant reminder that Vanyel still lived. He kept waking in the night to check that his beloved was still beside him, still breathed. His borrowed memories confused and blending with his nightmares, poisonously whispering to him that Van was gone, he was alone.
He was talking with Lancir everyday for an hour or more in the Workroom, and that was helping. Every session was an emotionally wringing ordeal, starting with the first one the morning of Vanyel’s fit. Healer Daenna had sat in on that one and gently and carefully explained to him how twin-bonds worked and that his bond with his twin had been in fact a Lifebond. It took a moment while he sat blinking for her words to sink in. Lifebond?
It had taken him a long moment to realize that his shock had less to do with the revelation of something he’d wondered at himself with the way his bond with Van felt the same as the one with Stav, but with the fact that his brother had hurt him and hadn’t seemed to ever care. He wanted to die every time he thought about how much he’d hurt Vanyel. But that his own brother, his twin, his otherself, his first bondmate, could hurt him without feeling anything filled him with sick betrayal. He would have willingly died for Stav if he had asked him to, but he didn’t want to kill for him, and that just wasn’t good enough.
Never good enough. Always second-best. Always in his brother’s shadow, and him utterly confident that Tylendel would always be right there behind him, obediently following him everywhere. He’d thought that Staven was everything, and after the rest of the family turned on him he was everything. But to Staven, Tylendel had just been an extension of himself, and he’d been as angry with him when he refused to use his powers on his behalf as if his own arm had refused to obey his commands. Shame and guilt and long habit made him shy away from examining his darkest thoughts too closely.
But Lancir caught those dark shadows and dragged them out into the light. Let him rage and weep and declare he was renouncing his family name, that Vanyel was the only family he needed. Waited until he’d calmed enough to listen again, before carefully and patiently explaining that he’d been both bonded and an empath, completely untrained and unshielded, that he had truly been feeling everything twice as much. And that Staven had been a child given adult responsibilities, with no time to mourn his very real losses, that he’d probably shut himself off from his emotions as a defense response.
That thought had plunged him into another spiral of guilt. That he’d had Gala to come save him, and he just left, abandoned Stav to deal with all of that alone. Tylendel knew if Yfandes had carried Vanyel far away from him he would have been furious and heartbroken, it was no wonder his twin had been slowly filling up with poisonous rage while his life was perfect. Lancir didn’t let him leave the Workroom until he’d at least put his feet on the path out of that spiral, he still wasn’t entirely convinced that he wasn’t responsible for his twin’s decent into madness, but Lancir had at least gotten him to see that there was nothing he could have done. He’d borne his brother’s rages and long silences, endlessly offered him his love and support, and it was never going to be enough when what Stav had wanted most was for him to betray his conscience and everything that he believed in.
He didn’t know what he would have done without Gala’s steadying presence keeping him grounded. She reassured him that he didn’t abandon his brother, that she was the one who was wholly responsible for taking him away. That he couldn’t have stayed where he was, that he needed the help and training that he only could have gotten at Haven. She had looked at him sorrowfully and told him she had seen the darkness in his twin when she came for him, saw how it was wrapped around him. That she’d truly thought once she carried him off that he’d be safe, and she blamed herself for not noticing that his brother's shadow still clung to him. He’d sobbed against her neck until he couldn’t even cry anymore and then just lain against her side feeling her deep love washing over him easing the ache in his soul until his worry for Vanyel goaded him back inside.
Read it here-
https://archiveofourown.org/works/34926076/chapters/99108066
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um so Life is (not) a Hallmark Movie is one of the most impactful fics i’ve ever read, for me personally
1) it forms the absolute core of how i see binghe, whether that is modern binghe or canon binghe. like i can’t really explain(i might try later) but i compare all other binghe’s to LHM binghe even on a subconscious level. the way you write him and all his most toxic traits is just… absolutely perfect. you address them and work through them in such a satisfying way. no other modern au has ever been that satisfying or endearing for me to read this manipulative crybaby hopelessly lovesick emo puppy.
2) sqq. oh my god. i’m normally a wwx kinnie but your sqq had me so deep in the feels that legally i think i was drowning. i related so hard to your sqq that i had a had a whole identity crisis for half a year after i read the fic the first time. i went from laughing at his emotionally blind dumbass antics to eventually going wait oh no that’s me i do that 😨. sqq makes more sense to me now than he ever did before. sqq is forever a repressed demisexual man to me, even in canon, like that’s a demisexual i don’t know what else to tell you
3) speaking of which guess who else is demisexual. me, bitch. you know that night of sleepless research spiraling sqq did after learning about asexuality? that was me after reading this fic. i related more to sqq’s journey with romance and sexuality than i’ve ever related to anything in my life. since then, i’ve been reading more fics with ace characters and it’s been so much fun, so comforting to see a part of myself represented in a way i never have before. the way you wrote sqq’s character development hand in hand with his exploration of asexuality is the most touching thing for me.
4) in summary, you codified how i characterize binghe, reframed how i see sqq, and gave me a name for a part of myself i’d never understood and only ever thought was a character flaw. i love myself more and better because of your fic.
i’m sorry if that’s a lot to drop in your ask box! i just can’t think of a more influential fic and i deeply hope that you still get love and appreciation for writing it.
p.s. your bookmarks are dope and you have excellent taste, they’ve given me days more entertainment <3
ngl usually when I get a message on tumblr it turns out to just be a p0rn bot, so that's what I was expecting when I clicked on this, but surprise!! It's actually an incredibly kind and funny message that made my entire day!! Thanks so much for taking the time to write this up :D
It's especially heartening to hear how this lil fic gave you a name for demisexuality! I sometimes wonder how my life might have been different if I learned about the asexuality spectrum sooner, and accepted that part of myself at a younger age, so to hear that I've helped someone else learn about it (even in an indirect way) means a lot. Best of luck on your ongoing journey <3
Writing has been a challenge lately, so extra thanks for the encouraging message!! Makes me want to dive back into the wild wild world of bingqiu~~ my precious disasters~~~~~
(I haven't been back through my bookmarks in a while, mayhaps I will have to take a peruse this weekend ⚈ ̫ ⚈huhuhu)
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Detective AU - Muriel x MC Chapter 6
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Tag List: @a-zoidberg-aesthetic@lesbiancountess @fartkittyonline@yaysam@y-all-dnt-ve@countgoatman-and-drleechboy @julians-chest-hair@vesuviass @caterpiller-tea @saltywerewolfrebel@obsessedwiththearcana@thatsaltyseaman@xburningwitch @i-dont-speak-wolf@missrabbitart @softarcana @ethereal—pisces @cfluffiness @lhm-2001 @dr-devorak-will-seeyounow @meanderingpoint
Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!
Summary: Muriel and the Detective grow closer, in spite of the awkward tension surrounding them.
Chapter 6: Brundle and Inanna
Muriel decides that a brandy, no matter how tempting, wasn’t really appropriate to be drinking at nine in the morning.
He wanted to. God, he really wanted a drink.
Inanna rolls over on the bed and yawns, glaring up at him for waking her. He tells her that he’s sorry, in spite of the fact that it was far past her due time to wake up. The brandy taunts him, and the headache that’s coming on is bound to be terrible, but he decides that he’s going to be a functioning member of society and drink coffee instead.
Coffee tastes like shit.
But, he figures it’s a decent substitute for the breakfast he should probably be eating right now, and it’s doing its job of waking him up.
He can’t stop thinking of her.
There’s a reason for it, he’s sure, and he supposes that’s where the need for a drink comes into play. He just...doesn’t want to think, and that’s harder than it ought to be.
“You wanna go for a walk?” He asks, and, in response, Inanna rolls away from him, barely balancing on the edge of the bed, “Okay, time to get up, you lazy bum.”
She yawns in defiance and nips at his wrist when he tries to clip her leash on, but in the end, he manages to get her to stand. She commits, begrudgingly, refusing to look him in the eye.
He decides that he should probably punt the walk when he hears the knock on the door.
Inanna trots back over the bed smugly, and he only rolls his eyes, knowing damn well that whenever he got rid of whoever this was, he’d take her out.
He probably shouldn’t be surprised to see her. He knows that Asra probably told her where he lives, and that he told her that if anything went wrong or if she needed anything, to go find him.
The initial shock wears off faster than anticipated, melting away into concern. Something had to’ve gone wrong, something had to warrant her visit and -
“Hi.” She smiles at him, but he’s known her long enough to know that she’s hiding something behind it, “Oh, um, Asra had your address written on a note in…” She pulls the note card from her handbag, “in a filing cabinet.” She smiles again, looking bashful.
He looks the card over, front and back, written in Asra’s messy scrawl, his name haphazardly scratched below the address.
He’s only a little angry at the moment that she didn’t have his address at hand, but he doesn’t want to make her think he’s angry at him, so he only hands the card back to her and asks, “Is everything alright?”
“I was going to call ahead.” She says, as if it was an explanation, “But I wasn’t sure if you’d be in, and...I suppose I should’ve checked, right?” She laughs awkwardly, wringing her hands together, and sighs, “I’ve an appointment with Consul Valerius this afternoon, and I was...hoping you’d come with me?”
“No.” He says before he has a chance to think about it.
A great big mansion with people looking at him, and some stuffy rich guy looking down at him? He wasn’t too keen on the idea, but it was bound to be inevitable if the guy called himself a ‘consul’.
“Oh! Okay, well...sorry for bothering you, and,” She bites the inside of her cheek, taking a step back.
“Wait.” He panics on the inside and sighs on the outside, “Do you want to come in for coffee?” He hopes she doesn’t notice how he tenses his jaw.
She does, but she smiles kindly anyway and nods, “Coffee sounds perfect.”
He pours her a cup, vaguely remembering how she takes it, and she smiles at him gratefully, looking around the small apartment he called his own. The bed was pushed against the far wall, next to the door to the bathroom. The far wall passed for a kitchen, and she assumed that his bed had to double as a sofa.
She was used to cramped spaces, but this one was Muriel’s. She didn’t want to disrespect.
He clears his throat and grabs his own mug from the end table and asks, “Why’re you going to Valerius’?”
“Nadia thinks he might know something.” She blows on the lukewarm coffee, “I called ahead, and I’m heading up around noon.” He opens his mouth to respond, probably something dumb about how she could’ve just called to invite him, but they already covered that. Inanna headbutts her, panting heavily, and she immediately gives her her undivided attention.
“Oh, hello!” She says in that annoying baby voice people use with animals, kneeling before her, “What’s your name?” She’s immediately petting her with her free hand, and Muriel swears that Inanna looks at him with the intensity of a thousand suns, taunting him.
“Inanna.” He answers after a moment too long, realizing that Inanna couldn’t really answer for herself. “Her name’s Inanna.”
She turns and smiles at him, and it makes his chest flutter, and he can’t really understand why, “It’s fitting.” Inanna licks at her cheek, the traitor dog holding Muriel’s eye the whole time.
He pauses a second, finishing the last of his coffee, trying to ignore the grounds at the bottom, and sighs, “I’ll come.”
She stands, confused, “You don’t have to.” Her first concern was his comfort. Of course it was. “I can handle myself, Muriel.” She smiles, taunting him, and it’s only a little bit endearing. It’s more annoying than anything, because he knows that she can handle herself.
“Doesn’t mean you should go alone.” He shrugs, and then repeats, “I’ll come.”
She smiles, and takes another sip of coffee before saying, “You know, it’s the strangest thing. Talking to you is just…” She shrugs, “familiar, I guess.” She wipes one of her hands on her skirt and continues before he can even sputter a response, “Did...did you want me to come back or…”
He shrugs, “There’s no point. You can stay.”
Muriel didn’t think inviting her to stay through.
He was so awkward, and he wished he could channel the doctor or Asra or someone with an ounce of charm, and wished he wasn’t always on the verge of saying something that was bound to give her a headache.
He didn’t want to hurt her anymore than he already did.
But the train ride downtown isn’t that bad, and she sits a little too close to him, asking about his dog, and other assorted politely intrusive questions. She seems happier today, like things are somehow easier, and he’s almost glad to see her smile like that.
“Do you like jokes?” She asks, taking his hand as she leads him from the train station to the street. Hand holding was necessary, he decides, so she wouldn’t lose him in the sea of people, but even when the crowd thins, she persists. He doesn’t do anything to change that, either.
He shrugs, liking the way her hand fit in his, “Asra likes to tell them.”
She smiles again, and starts, “Okay, so, a drunk and his dog stumble into a bar -.”
“Dr. Devorak and Brundle?”
She laughs aloud, catching herself and cutting it short, “You’re terrible! Dr. Devorak stumbles into a bar, his dog behind him, and Jules bets the bartender that Brundle can talk.”
“He would think so.”
She shushes him through her laughter, and he notices the way her smile reaches her eyes, how light she seems to be, “So the bartender agrees, and Jules asks Brundle what the top of a house is. Brundle responds with -.”
“Roof.” Muriel rolls his eyes.
“And then,” She turns, pausing for emphasis, “Jules asks what’s on the bottom of a horse’s foot, to which Brundle replies with ‘hoof’. Finally, the drunk asks him who the greatest baseball player is, and the dog says, ‘rrrrrrruth!’.” Muriel chuckles at her animated enthusiasm of the dog’s answer, and she continues, “The bartender kicks the both of them out, and the dog said to the drunk, ‘maybe I should’ve said DiMaggio’.”
Muriel coughs out a laugh, the joke so unfunny he couldn’t help himself, and he shakes his head, “That’s awful.”
She’s laughing just as much as he is, shaking her head and wiping at nonexistent tears, “I read it in the paper this morning.”
“Sounds like something Asra would send in.”
She barks out a laugh at that, covering her mouth with her free hand like he said something controversial, and looks at him like he’s the funniest thing, “Goodness,” She fans her face, still laughing, “I haven’t laughed like that in a while.” He tries not to think about how a terrible joke is the cause of that, and definitely not how that was the first time he remembered laughing in...forever. “I’m starved...you hungry, big guy?” She squeezes his finger, and he nods, like a man under a spell.
She pulls him into a small diner that she claims she’s never been to before, but must be trustworthy because, as she puts it, “there’s people brave enough to sit and eat.”
She buys him pancakes.
The stack of pancakes is placed before him, and he practically tears into them, seemingly unaware of just how hungry he had been. The sides of eggs and bacon are sure to follow, and he wouldn’t be surprised if she pushed part of her meal to his side of the table out of pity. She probably thought he couldn’t afford food, given his living conditions.
He knew she really couldn’t.
She purses her lips, running the tip of her finger over the rim of her cup, before asking, “What do you think about all this? Really, I mean?”
He’s chewing thoughtfully, holding a fork in one hand and a knife in the other before he shrugs, trying to swallow prematurely, “I dunno what happened to the Count. Not a tragedy that he’s gone.” He finally manages to swallow, feeling embarrassed that he spoke in the first place.
“You knew him?”
He shrugs again, cutting away at his stack of pancakes, “Worked for him awhile. Fighting rings.”
She sighs, looking at him like he’s the most pitiful thing on the planet, her hand inching across the table like she was considering taking his, before she folds her hands together, resting her chin on them, and deciding to grab her coffee all in the same millisecond.
It was nice knowing she was just as awkward as he was, at least.
“What’s the, uh,” He pauses, trying to save the conversation, “what’s the plan with Valerius?”
She widens her eyes and sighs, shifting in her seat, “Hell if I know. I’m just...hoping to pick up a lead, I guess?” She shrugs, poking at her food, “I don’t really know what I’m doing, if you haven’t been able to tell.”
Muriel has half a mind to smile, to tell her that no, she’s doing fine, but the words catch on his tongue when she takes a drink of coffee, and he just wants to be able to tell her that he doesn’t think she’s a failure.
Instead, she pushes her plate of eggs toward him.
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