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#It is truly one of the most hopeful games about trauma and despair. It is hilarious in a way that frames the tragedy perfectly.

sundownpromises · 2 months

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The Beauty in The Last of Us Part II's Ending

I just want to take a minute to ramble about the ending of TLOU2 because it is one of the most beautiful endings to a game ever.

It’s so easy to watch the ending and feel nothing but sadness for Ellie. Her worst fear came true – ending up alone. But something that I love about this ending is the renewed sense of hope that you feel. Or that I felt, at least.

After the final cutscene with Joel, when we see Ellie’s face, she seems at peace. To me, I see the face of someone who has finally learned to forgive. I think this moment is the moment we finally see Ellie silently realize that the only way to truly heal is to accept what has happened and to let it go. She will never forget everything that happened; that much is clear. Trauma is not something that one can forget, and even if she could, the physical scars and her missing fingers will remain a constant reminder of all that she’s lost and has endured. But now we see Ellie finally reach the point in her journey where she is able to outgrow that trauma. Her trauma, which was once a heavy ball of lead tied around her ankle, has now become small enough that she can walk without the weight.

And then, of course, we see her leave the guitar behind. I’ve always believed that this symbolizes not leaving Joel behind, but instead no longer resenting him, understanding him, and learning to move on. Sure, she can no longer play the guitar in the same way she used to, and that’s heart-breaking. The guitar was such a clear connection between Joel and Ellie, and it has been said that now that she can no longer play that that connection is broken. But what if that’s not such an awful thing? I believe that there is a silver lining; she will always have other things to remember him by because Joel is always to her. She’s got the pin he gave her for her birthday. She’s got drawings of him in her journal (now that she can finally imagine him not in pain but in tranquility), and most importantly, memories. Yes, she has lost a lot, so much, including the one physical object that directly tied her to Joel -- but what is grief, if not love persevering?

And when we see her walk into the forestry, she walks with determined steps. It is unclear where she is going – but I think at this point, after all Ellie has been through, she sees the futility in unnecessary violence. In a world that is so unforgiving and cruel, what is truly lacking is love and compassion. Ellie is capable of giving and receiving both of those things. She doesn’t have a violent heart; it’s just that the world that she grew up in has shown her nothing but pain and loss. Her circumstances have caused her to react in the only way that she saw fit (further proving that the world Ellie lives in is the true villain of this game, but that is for another post). But we see it with Dina, we see it with Joel, Maria, Tommy, Jesse, and we see it in her survivor’s guilt that she feels toward Tess, Riley, and Sam. We have seen the love and compassion that she has felt for all of these people no matter how short lived the relationship.

This point brings me to a particular line of dialogue from the first game that I absolutely love. It is a line that Joel says to Ellie at the very end:

You keep finding something to fight for.

Is that not what survival is all about? Is that not what enduring is all about? To survive is to find meaning in that survival. When I see Ellie walk off at the end of Part 2, I like to believe that she is going to find meaning elsewhere – whatever that may look like. Personally, I could see her running into another group of survivors who take her in, and she helps them and she cares for them because she knows that that’s how she should be living her life – doing good by other people (or perhaps she truly does go back to Jackson, which I could also envision). She knows that that’s what Joel would want for her.

The Last of Us Part II is a game full of so much tragedy and despair and yet… there is hope to be found. Some people don’t like the ending because it is so open-ended and ambiguous. But personally that’s why I find it so profound and beautiful. I don’t have all the answers but instead I am left with a feeling; a feeling of hope. A renewed sense of faith. That is enough for me. To be teased with that silver lining and to be left alone with my own thoughts, to come up with my own conclusions, is an extremely impactful way to end a game. Wherever Ellie is, I just hope she’s happy. That’s what she deserves.

I think as people who consume media (movies, TV shows, books, games, etc), we're so used to seeing endings that feel truly resolved. In other words, endings that answer all of our pressing questions. But the fact that TLOU2's ending just leaves you with a feeling is so beautiful to me. Ellie's new journey is just beginning, and we as players are not going on that journey with her (at least not until Part 3). It is bittersweet in a way. We can only hope.

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kreideprinz69 · 8 months

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And sadly that sentiment isn't just on Tumblr and Reddit. But also on places like TVTropes, where a person who might want to know more about Danganronpa's characters may be liable to go. On his character page, they used his actions in Chapter 5 to slap him with the Hypocrite label. Just... This perception of Nagito as the "Evil Makoto" or being a hypocrite about hope is honestly fucking vile. Of course Nagito feels despair in his heart. He has every goddamn reason to. If you gave Makoto or really any of the other cast members the life Nagito had, they would have turned out pretty much the same way. The revelation he received in Chapter 4 was probably the most soul-crushing one that ANY character in the series has received. Unlike the "Actually the world has gone to shit" and the "Your personalities and backstories were all implanted into you for a reality show" revelations in DR1 and V3, there is no silver lining he could cling to. As far as he's aware, he and all his classmates betrayed everything Hope's Peak stood for and became complete monsters that ruined the world. Including the man that he's infatuated with. He would have had no idea about the brainwashing being a thing considering how Monokuma and AI Junko tried to frame the revelation to the Chapter 6 survivors. ANYONE in that position, with all the extra baggage Nagito had, would feel their spirit break. Including Makoto. His actions in Chapter 5 do not make Nagito weak-willed or a hypocrite. They make him fucking human. And as a side-note, I think the fact that he came to cling on to the concept of hope as a coping mechanism for the shit that he was put through is actually a sign of mental strength, not weakness. Consider what might have happened if he reacted to the insanity of his luck cycle in a different way. Someone else in his position could have just as easily become an uncaring nihilist that gave up on trying anything.

i truly do not understand how people came to the conclusion that nagito is a hypocrite. his actions and motives are arguably some of the most consistent than anyone else in the game. some people lack a lot of media literacy comprehension </3 especially on reddit or twitter… dear god. i try to avoid a lot of it.

take this with a grain of salt because this was something i saw a long time ago; i remember hearing that nagito was supposed to sort of reflect makoto, not as like his “evil” version but just a darker take on him. Hope taken to the unhealthy extreme mixed in with ridiculous amounts of trauma. sounds so pleasant! but they have a lot of similarities and a lot of opposites, which i’ve always found very interesting and they make complete sense if you think about them!

nagito’s character really is just tragic. unfortunately a lot of people put him into a box and don’t try to make much sense of his actions. which trying to fit nagito into a box is already impossible, he’s purposefully a contradictory character- but when you really take a minute to think about all of his actions, it makes complete sense why he does the things he does. i will never understand the lack of empathy some people had for him in chapter 5, he had everything taken from him and his entire world just shattered. the actions he took weren’t good by any means, but he tried so hard to do what he believed was the right thing. ugh i feel just awful for him man. that whole chapter was so well written in my opinion, and it really tied nagito’s whole character together.

and with the part about him clinging onto hope, it’s definitely a sign of strength! he’s a very resilient person and doesn’t get enough credit for it. he had a whole villain origin story and managed to keep trying lol. now this is more of just a theory i’ve had and i don’t have much medical knowledge at all; but i’ve always wondered if some of his obsession with hope had anything to do with his dementia. OCD is a symptom of frontotemporal dementia, and i think the more crazed obsession with hope that we see during the killing game could 100% have overlap with that. i might make a different post going more in depth on that because i think understanding just how nagito’s brain actually works on a fundamental level, gives a lot more insight onto him as a character. there was definitely a lot of research and care put into his character so there’s a lot to pick apart!

#nagito komaeda #sdr2 #danganronpa

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phoenix-flamed · 9 months

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Munday Survey !

Name/Alias: Vonny!

Age group: 30+, at 33 years young.

Pronouns: She/her or they/them.

Favorite color: If I had to pick, I'd say dark red, like burgundy or something.

Favorite food: Chicken alfredo.

Tattoos/piercings?: Only pierced ears right now, but I'm planning to get a tattoo in the semi-near future-ish -- an Amaurotine mask with the Azem crystal leaning against it, and the quote, "Darkness and Light. Despair and Hope. As goeth one, so goeth the other", as a reminder to myself that these contrasting elements go hand-in-hand; you can't have one without the other, and that's okay. It's the balance of life. Something something struggled with depression and stuff for most of my life, something something about Endwalker being a truly profound experience for me when dealing with this, my trauma, and my grief.

Current song stuck in your head?: I have been listening to Aviators' "Blood and Snow" nonstop these past like three days while writing replies and shit lol.

Pets?: Six cats, one pupper!

Favorite book?: The Count of Monte Cristo, hands down, always and forever.

Do you have a 'prized possession'?: I have many, but. On my birthday following our mom's passing, my sister got me this teddy bear with a little necklace around its neck, and it has my mom's fingerprint on one side, while the other side says "A mom's hug lasts long after she lets go". I still can't read the saying without tearing up(as I am sniffling right now over it), but it's definitely my prized possession.

Dream job: I used to want so much to be a character designer for Squaresoft/Square Enix, back when I used to draw 24/7. But now? I think I'd love to be a museum tour guide or something like that. Something involving sharing my love of history.

Tea or coffee?: Coffee. Never been much of a tea person.

Hobbies: Drawing, writing(including roleplaying, of course), singing, gaming, uh. That's about it, I think.

How long have you been role-playing?: I started on this really shitty chat site when I was 12, then it was all downhill from there lol. So like 21 years.

Who is your most active muse: Definitely Elwin. I've been neglecting my poor Quintus muse. :( But it's okay, because I'm having an absolute blast.

Significance behind your url?: OKAY, HEAR ME OUT ON THIS -- I actually went with this one specifically because of this blog being centered around the AU idea of Elwin being resurrected by Phoenix's flames. Very impressive, I know.

Tagged by: @heartsurpluss

Tagging: @rosxrian because he's a fucking nerd(affectionate), and anyone else who hasn't been tagged yet but wants to do this!

#Out of the Flames #Memes and Prompts

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tobiasdrake · 1 year

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Kinda obsessed about Junko Enoshima lately.

Junko is the kind of villain that is uncomfortable even to win against, because it's hard to come away from a Danganronpa feeling like any victory has been had. Even in the big cathartic final showdown, there's nothing triumphant about defeating Junko.

She's not a villain that really can be defeated. She can only be survived. And less than 2/3 of the characters introduced at the start of the game will survive her.

That's the real horror of Junko Enoshima as a character. Who she is and what she's about robs the story of its catharsis the moment you take the time to think about what's really transpired here. She'd already won by the time the doors closed. Everything that happens in the Killing Game is simply deliberating the extent of her victory.

Like. This is kind of a thing with killers, specifically, as villains. Yeah, we get to have the big Triumph of Hope over Despair finale and that's very nice for the five or six people who are alive to see it. But everyone else died a horrible, gruesome death and you can't take that back by defeating the latest incarnation of Junko.

Like. Beating Junko doesn't unkill Sayaka. Sayaka witnessed what was probably the corpses of the people she held more dearly than her life and was so traumatized by it that she tried to murder Leon and frame Makoto for it, in an act that went so horribly wrong that she wound up stabbed to death in Makoto's bathroom.

Sayaka bled out against a cold concrete wall, her last thoughts probably terror and despair for never truly knowing what happened to her idol group. She died in desperation and terror, and nothing will ever change that. You can't unkill people by thwarting the mastermind. These lives, ended in despair, belong to Junko now.

Makoto's story may end in unmasking Junko and bringing an end to the first Killing Game. But Sayaka's story ended right there in that bathroom. Sakura's story ends in a bottle of suicide. Kiyotaka and Mondo, best bros for life, end their stories in blunt force trauma and a spinning wheel of doom, respectively - After Mondo ends Chihiro's story in a fit of jealous rage. But we're all very happy that Makoto got to live, I'm sure.

This is kinda what the whole twist in V3 was about: You can't really win the Killing Game because its very existence is a net loss for human life. The players in the game aren't Junko's opponents. They're her victims.

It's a very different dynamic to a lot of other types of media. It's why I find myself going back to Light Yagami a lot. Junko plays for keeps, and you can't really thwart that. You can only bring an end to the carnage so that no one else will have to suffer. There is no victory to be had over her; Only a cessation of the pain she's causing. You can't bring back the people who didn't deserve to die.

And that. Hurts. It's hard not to come away with a deep nugget of remorse for the harm that couldn't be prevented. It hurts so much that the creators of the DG3 anime took advantage of the fact that DG2 happens in a simulation to go back and unkill everybody, even though DG2 explicitly said that its deaths count for real. That's how bad the realization that Junko won messes with people.

Because.

Well.

She did.

All she wanted to do was to cause harm. Her sole motive is that she's an emotional sadomasochist who gets off on inflicting and experiencing trauma. And over the course of every Killing Game, she gets to inflict an awful lot of trauma. Every time someone dies in despair, Junko wins. Every time someone breaks from the grief, Junko wins. And she wins a lot more than she loses.

And that's why she stays with us. According to the Guiness Book of World Records, Junko Enoshima holds the record for most cosplayed video game character. Because even if she's unmasked in the end, we can never truly forget the pain she made us feel along the way.

Hope may prevail in the final moments, but Despair has a real good time getting there.

#danganronpa #junko enoshima

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northlight14 · 5 months

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Major spoilers for danganronpa 2 ahead!!! (If anything said here is incorrect to canon, my bad. I’ve only played the first and second game and am currently on the 3rd trial of the 3rd game. I also haven’t seen the anime or any other bonus stuff. So if anything is incorrect, just take it as a canon divergence or something)

I don’t have the time or motivation to write this fic yet so I’m gonna put my overall ideas here and if anyone wants to write or do something with them, feel free to (with credit, obviously)

So I feel very opinionated about how Byakuya and Hiyoko should be best friends and that they’re the only ones who can truly relate to each others struggles family wise. So with that being said, just hear me out on this

Post danganronpa 2, the remnants of hope decide to return for a bit to the island after being informed that the others have woken up, basically to have them undergo some rehabilitation. All of them are making progress, opening up about what caused them to fall into despair etc, and working to be better people. And then there’s Hiyoko, who of course is still being actively rude to everyone, refusing to cooperate, continuing with her toxic behaviour, etc. All the remnants are getting absolutely sick of her behaviour and not knowing what to do. Enter Byakuya -I recognise this attitude- Togami who is like “yeah you’re all idiots, you’re not gonna get her to improve through kind words and trying to appeal to her. So Byakuya goes to Hiyoko, meeting with her alone to talk to her. Hiyoko naturally tries her usual insults but when she sees that he’s not affected and can even return such insults, and also that he isn’t affected by her fake crying, she loses interest. Hiyoko questions if he’s here to give her “anothet stupid therapy session” to which Byakuya is like “no, why would I do that? I already know everything I need to about you and you wouldn’t cooperate with me anyway.” Hiyoko just scoffs and tells him he doesn’t know anything about her, to which he responds saying how “your name is Hiyoko Saionji. You are from a very famous family, the Saionji clan, and as such you had a lot of pressure put on you from a very young age and your life was repeatedly put in danger because you were part of this family. You have witnessed more violence and malicious acts than most had at a young age. You have a strained relationship with your family, not being allowed to see a lot of your blood relatives and hating the ones who you could see. While you appreciate being cared for, you hate that you now don’t really know how to care for yourself as most of it was done for you. You put up walls and push people away as best you can as a defence mechanism, not wanting others to know how weak you really are. You felt the weight of your family’s expectations put on you at a young age and resent them for the trauma they inflicted and yet, despite that, feel completely lost now that they are gone and don’t know what to do next.” Hiyoko brushes him off, accusing him of being a creep and a stalker as she does, Byakuya obviously saying that he’s no such thing. Byakuya then goes to leave but as he does, Hiyoko asks what made him say all that, to which he simply responds “because I was no different” and leaves. Cut days afterwards and Hiyoko at first she denies any similarity between her and Byakuya, still insulting him. But slowly she starts to speak to Byakuya more, gradually opening up. Byakuya makes a point of repeating what Makoto said to him to Hiyoko and giving her space to talk about her problems but in a way where they’re able to relate to each other as opposed to putting Hiyoko on the spot, effectively making them equals as opposed to her being the only one being vulnerable. And for the first time they have someone in their lives who truly understands their experiences, not just sympathising or pitying them

Byakuya essentially becomes to Hiyoko what Makoto was to him, a source of hope and a sign that things can improve

#they give me major ‘I know who you are because you’re me’ from guardians of the galaxy energy #also I don’t ship these two romantically (fully see them as MLM/WLW solidarity)#but like if anyone wants to interpret it that way go ahead I guess🤷#anyway Byakuya/Hiyoko besties agenda forever #danganronpa #danganronpa 1 #danganronpa trigger happy havoc #trigger happy havoc #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa goodbye despair #goodbye despair #byakuya togami #hiyoko saionji #(they’re my two favourite toxic rich kids. love them so much)#danganronpa spoilers #danganronpa 2 spoilers #tw abuse mention

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pechebeche · 1 year

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hi!! i saw your tags and i am now here to ask u about your dr if verse headcanons,,, i am super interested in hearing some 👀👀👀 especially what's going on with kirisaba

YES. YES YES YES OK SO

there are several things about the universe that fundamentally change from THH-onward that have a significant effect on the trajectory of the series in an IF-verse

no one in thh died (obvious)

junko, specifically, is alive, and still has access to all of her resources Except mukuro

makoto never gained the title of Ultimate Hope. this is a makoto with WAY less credibility

the killing game never occurred beyond introducing the premise, meaning junko had no reason to put the sdr2 crew through a killing game, because it wouldn't invoke the same trauma response from makoto & co. UNLESS another killing game occurs

now personally i think the crew would step outside and mukuro would be arrested on sight Anyway because of the war crimes. but this wouldnt invoke junkos despair. she's got other shit to do. avoiding the future foundation is on her agenda. but getting her allies to the future foundation is high priority so they can get their memories back, and in particular makoto needs to get there because he's still super fucked up from getting stabbed by the spears of gungar.

but makoto is also the only person other than mukuro and jack who knows their peaceful(ish) high school life, and what the hell happened. so mukuro has two people she Knows wont stab her in the back. one of them is a serial killer who does whatever the hell she wants. and one of them is on the brink of death

makoto, remembers high school: take kyoko with you! shes the most trustworthy person we have

kyoko and mukuro, in sinc: no she is not

so here's how i think it pans out. i think of the cast, most of them are pretty happy to get to the future foundation, regain their memories, and learn what the hell is going on. sakura doesn't want to leave mukuro to fend for herself, but kyoko convinces her that the others need protection more, and mukuro can defend them both. mondo hates authority, but he wants his memories, so he makes a secret plan to get the memories back and get the hell out of dodge. and i think ultimately chihiro wants to help out mukuro squad, but she's better in front of a computer than in the field anyway.

and frankly, i think kyoko is just more interested in what's happening in mukuro's part of the deal. kyoko tends to calculate gains and losses very objectively, regardless of its effect on her or those around her. she can get her memories back whenever. a first person perspective on what junko's been up to and how to dismantle it? once in a lifetime chance.

so for the first leg of this journey to make their classmates filled with hope and junko filled with despair, it's JUST kyoko and mukuro - kyoko, who doesn't remember anything except what mukuro tells her and doesn't fully trust her, and mukuro, who whose explicit goal is to bring kyoko happiness but who still hasn't fully broken free of junkos manipulation, who still is doing this ultimately For Junko. so there's this fascinating dynamic of two people who rely on each other, who start to care for each other, but who both deep down have these layers of trauma barring them to truly Understand each other. mukuro is looking at kyoko and seeing their first year at hopes peak, meeting in the hallway, both knowing they are enemies but neither knowing how. kyoko is looking at mukuro and seeing junkos hair, junkos eyes, junkos clothes. they admire each other, as rivals, as newly found allies. but they do not See each other.

and then. first stop to keeping classmates from falling into despair? keep their family and friends from brutally killing each other.

it's towa city time babey!

#danganronpa #kirisaba #asks #dr if #I HAVE TO STOP HERE I HAVE TO CUT OFF. I HAVE SO MANY CONCEPTS ILL TALK FOREVER #mukuro ikusaba #kyoko kirigiri #others too. ultimately i think this is an ensemble story

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chainoftalent · 2 years

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now to get things started, I shall send myself an ask, Komaeda, Yan Alphabet with B, E, G, I, N

Haha I'm so clever, not. Anyways

Yandere Alphabet with Komaeda, Letters B E G I N! and also a bonus L because I messed up.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

While he's not one for personally doing violence, he does what he must to keep his beloved safe. While he's unlikely to just straight up stab someone, he's more than happy to start rumors, sabotage social standings, steal things, or place traps down. Nothing that can be led back to them of course. If the threat persists despite all the chances they've had to back off, then well, Komaeda is pretty rich and has a Yakuza contact at the end of the day, he's more than happy to pay for worse things to happen to any fool in his way. Besides, the sheer despair anyone would feel at losing the chance to have such a beautiful beloved must bring forth quite wonderful hopes afterward. Truly, he's doing this so everyone can shine even brighter.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

They try to play down their luck cycle to not scare their beloved, but besides that Komaeda's an open book as long as you actually ask him things. He's not one to just volunteer his history unprompted but a simple question could easily lead to you learning the wildest things about him. While he's pretty vulnerable in that way, he's also used to suffering and pain while being vulnerable so it's not really a good way to try and make him leave, jabbed words about his trauma just roll off his back. He's probably said worse to himself then you can think off anyways.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

It's not really a game, Komaeda would love to just have a normal happy life where he can serve and help those he cares about. However, that doesn't mean he doesn't love escape attempts, seeing you struggle and gather so much hope, seeing you try your best even in conditions like this warms his heart and he encourages his beloved to do their best, he's certain they can do it eventually. Being caught does bring about punishment though, just because he likes it doesn't mean he actually wants you to get out.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

A happy life for as many years as they have left holding their beloved and feeling loved. He wants to see you grow and change and hold your potential in his hands. He wants you to love him oh so deeply, and he hopes the despair his inevitable death will cause you to bring about the most glorious hope to ever shine. He wants domestic bliss.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

At first, it would just be with words, scolding them for taking risks or talking down to them like they couldn't possibly understand the danger of the world. As he gets closer he gets touchier, likely to forcibly grab your arm though he quickly let's go and starts going off about how unworthy he was to grab his beloved like that. Once kidnapped or moved in with he takes on a lot more psychological-based punishments like isolation or gaslighting. He especially enjoys cutting his beloved's hair a lot as a punishment, how his beloved's face crumples as he cuts their hair, how they'll wear this mark until it grows back, it's such despair, and it creates such good hope when you get all bouncy that it's grown back to how you like it.

Bonus

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

Komaeda has to be really careful with his courting, his luck could strike at any time after all. Love letters constantly get lost, and confessions constantly get interrupted. He has to make them come to him so he tries to be subtle, spending as much time around you as he can without creeping their beloved out, often suggesting books they like to read, normally they prefer mysteries but they've been finding such good romance novels these days to recommend. Slow and steady wins the race for Komaeda, though if something extreme were to interrupt him he'd drop all pretense and go for a kidnap. Take a threat on your life or a shitty home life though to force his hand like that though, letting you experience the suffering of normal life only helps your hope grow and he has no desire to stifle that growth for no reason.

#yandere komaeda #yandere nagito #yandere danganronpa #yandere danganronpa 2 #danganronpa 2 #nagito komaeda #yandere nagito komaeda #yandere alphabet #danganronpa 2 goodbye despair #yandere #x reader #chainoftalent

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repo-net · 7 months

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In preparation of this year's Nagisa month

Likely to be my biggest project to date, and one I'm most definitely passionate about with how often I've talked about such a scenario playing out, ahahah.

For this year's Nagisa month - I'll be releasing a story based around a remastered version of Ultra Despair Girls' fifth chapter, with the plot revolving around Nagisa being present in the chapter!

While there's a lot of things I already enjoy about UDG and its climax, I've always felt that for one blue character in particular, it's a waste to have him absent from it because of the fact his character arc never gets a proper conclusion to it. Or rather - it did, if Nagisa actually ended up dying under his robot like he realistically should've, since it'd make a perfectly fine tragic ending (come on, doesn't 'kid getting crushed by a robot, symbolizing all the expectations that he couldn't handle crashing down on him' sound like a reasonable bad ending to you?), but then you find out that he's actually still alive for god knows what reason, it all starts to feel like his story is incomplete.

Nagisa is a character that undergoes a lot of shit tossed at him, from the start of his life with how godawful his backstory was, to the present where he's still going through a conga line of trauma and manipulation from friends and allies alike, he just can't catch a break; this story aims to show Nagisa the consequence of his actions, make him realize how much he's messed up, show the emotion and conflict that was caused by him and his friends, and give him a way to not redeem himself, because lord knows with how much he let his friends get away with - he's still far from the point of being redeemed and that's a story for another time.

Rather, it's for him to be able to come to terms with his heart and finally grant him the closure he deserves, to give him more interactions with characters and groups that we should've seen more of in the game. Nagisa; the one kid in the Warriors of Hope who truly prioritized their paradise, protecting the kids above all and just wanting to be appreciated for once finally getting to open up and accomplish that with people that are willing to give him a proper chance to see the consequences of what he's done, and to have the avenue for him to get over the hurdle that he threw his morals and emotions away for - Monaca herself.

I aim to show all the sides affected by the atrocities that he and the other Warriors did, because these kids aren't spotless and they deserve to feel bad about themselves for all the shit that they put Towa City through, but I think by having them acknowledge and recognize these faults, then accepting that even if they succeed here, they've still got a long road to go ahead of them before the damage they caused are healed, it'll help Nagisa's (and hopefully others too, idk how much confidence I have in writing them though) story culminate in him being able to rest easy knowing he's free from being a puppet for expectations, and now he can move ahead with his life to start righting his wrongs.

The general sequence of events will remain the same, really. Kotoko will still be present since I'd feel dirty erasing one of the bright spots of her own arc, and I think it's about time those two have a proper conversation with each other since we never really got enough of the other Warriors of Hope interacting with each other that didn't involve Monaca. The main change is that Komaru and Toko actually end up helping Nagisa out and saving him from his robot, having him treated, anger breaking out among the adults because their supposed savior rescued one of their biggest enemies, and Nagisa coming along for the journey all the way towards Towa Tower to finally come face-to-face with Monaca so he can help put a stop to the madness.

The prologue and the first chapter will be posted on October 4 (give or take a few days), on (hopefully it gets verified by then lmfao) my AO3 account, which I'll link here on Tumblr once it's up, with chapters coming out every handful of days leading up to the finale on October 23, which is the blue boy's birthday himself.

That's all, really. Thanks for sticking around, and hopefully y'all enjoy what I put out this year, it's been a long passion project of mine and I'm really wishing I can stick the landing on this one to give Nagisa the love his character deserves.

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musashi · 1 year

Text

A Rabid, Song-by-Song Analysis of Turnabout Musical by Someone Who Knows Jack Shit About Music

Track 3: The Objection Song

The Objection Song! I have a confession to make: I don’t often listen to TM all the way through. I did in the beginning—when I had first discovered it, and was absolutely ravenous and couldn’t get enough. But after a couple hundred full listens I realized there were songs I just skipped too often in order to get to my favourites, and that resulted in me making a second playlist that was just more or less a handful of act 1 songs, and pretty much all of act 2. Thus, all my reactions to these act 1 songs will probably be a little less bulky, a little more fresh, because I’ve had less time to meditate on them and think on them. So! The Objection Song, here we go.

A beautiful tutorial of a song. We love Phoenix Wright, doomed to be a video game protagonist, and thus doomed to be a Bar-Certified lawyer who does not know how a cross-examination works. I’m used to the TAAAM version of this song, so listening to it feels a little bit like coming home but someone’s rearranged my furniture. That’s just fine.

Our first taste of Sarah Taranto’s take on Mia (by Aha [i am tazed]) and I forgot how much of a fucking boss she was hitting those high notes. I mean this in the kindest possible way but sometimes when I am listening to her my brain is like “Damn. Now you’re just showing off.” It’s truly a spiritual experience.

Immediately I am struck by how much I just love the arrangement of this song as a whole. It’s so bouncy and lighthearted and I feel like that in itself does an excellent job of setting the mood for how trials tend to be in Ace Attorney. Yes, someone died, and we’re all very upset about that—but while we’re arguing about how it happened, let’s just bring some absolutely fucking insane behaviour into this court of law. For flavour. I think the biggest pet peeve I have when it comes to AA fanworks is when people lose sight of this—yes, AA is a very powerful series about loss, grief, trauma, legacy, karma, and justice… but it is also about love and friendship and light in the darkness, and it is incredibly silly and goofy. Your honour, I plead oopsie daisies. The defense holds that its client be allowed their right to be a silly goose.

All of that is crucial to making a good AA fanwork, or at the very least one I personally find enjoyable. TM, of course, has this in spades.

As the cross-examination starts, we get one of our more obvious incorporations of the game soundtrack! The actual song that plays during cross in the games, Questioning ~ Moderato 2001. This is one of the most recognizable tunes from AA in my opinion, so it’s nice to hear it here! I fucking love whatever the piano is doing here as the contradiction reveals itself. No idea what to call that but it tickles my brain in ALL the right ways.

The desk slam is so POWERFUL. Now’s probably as good a time as any to talk about the foley work in this musical. It’s a little thing that I think goes very overlooked in most mediums, but it is crucial to my love of some of the songs in TM. Whenever there is a chance to incorporate an every-day sound effect, TM will take it more often than not, and that choice, naturally, adds a LOT more life to the world!

Oh wait hold on actually because I’ve just remembered how much I love Chris Zambelis as Larry Butz. There is not a shred of restraint in the way he plays this man, exactly as it should be. Larry’s agonized, despairing cry of ‘GIVE ME THE CHAIR!!!’ in the background is easily my favourite thing about this song. I mean no disrespect to the overall masterpiece of it, but that single moment is the selling point for me. I had completely forgotten until right this moment and just choked on my diet coke. Well done, sir.

There’s Sarah hitting that insane high note again. Is she out there doing great things with that voice of hers? God, I hope so.

I’m a very big fan of… well, honestly, every single harmony that exists in this musical, but there is just something very enchanting about whenever Mia and Phoenix get to sing together! It’s another rant I have planned for a different song, but I absolutely adore how hands-off Mia is in her mentoring in the game—she, like her mentor before her, lets Phoenix come to his own conclusions with some very gentle nudging. This song does an excellent job of representing that and then having them come together in the end—once Phoenix has gotten his wits about him, that’s when they begin their double-team. It’s a delight to listen to.

That’s about all I have to say about this one! Obviously, big shoutouts to Ben Smith as Sahwit, Ami Garrett as Payne, and William Barkley as our Judge :] Their character voices are impeccable, and they do a wonderful job of evoking an image in your head, even for someone who is perhaps not familiar with the franchise, I think~ Overall, The Objection Song does a wonderful job of setting the overall tone for the courtroom drama and sillies that exist within the AA universe. What more can you ask for!

[Turnabout Huh? What do you mean there’s an Ace Attorney Musical?]

<- Track 2 | Track 4 ->

#turnabout musical #pwaa #ace attorney #wendy rambles #colossal waste of time

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one-way-dream · 2 years

Text

Sanctuary - One-Shot

Rating: Teen And Up (15+)

Words: 13000+

Media: Danganronpa, Super Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair

Pairing: Hajime Hinata/Nagito Komaeda

Characters/Relationships: Hajime Hinata & Chiaki Nanami, Mahiru Koizumi/Hiyoko Saionji (Mentioned), Kazuichi Souda, Ibuki Mioda, Sonia Nevermind, Izuru Kamukura, Future Foundation (Mentioned), Class 77-B (Mentioned)

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Light Angst, Recovery, Post-Canon, Mentions of intrusive thoughts (self-harm) but not prevalent, Mental Health Issues, Komahina Secret Exchange, Crushes, Confessions (Full tags listed on AO3)

Warnings: Intrusive thoughts, thoughts of self-harm

Chapter: 1/1

Link to the original work

AO3 Summary/Excerpt:

Someone like Komaeda in the Neo World Program, full of hysterics and twisted tongues and horrible ideals that had truly rolled the game into motion – someone he never fathomed to forgive or trust another day, and yet, when he looks at the same man now, he’s overcome with the strangest feeling of hope. Dare he say happiness, even.

Happiness for the fact that they had all slowly brought out the best within themselves despite their trauma and loss.

Written for the Komahina Exchange 2019 (Spring/Summer) for June (notcoolhajime/tamemaki)!

Like most things people call unpredictable, Hinata was certain that his affinity for the unknown, which he considered to be curiosity, really would land him into trouble one day or another.

Though truthfully, he could consider the fact that calling them ‘unpredictable’ in this day and age would be discrediting the progress they’d made since the simulation.

Said progress included days with unspoken calamity sticking under everyone’s skin, leaving nothing but utter chaos in their wake, when even one person was pushed over the peak of their cracking eggshell a bit too early.

They were tired, naturally. Broken limbs and fractured souls and disbelieving eyes, with the distinct scent of a musty kind of smoke permeating the air every now and then even till this day, if only there to taunt them.

But of course, it was a lot to process after the hell they’d been through, and it had taken every bit of those five years to finally make some degree of an inch of difference.

Some days tended to be worse than others, however. Even leading Hinata to occasionally subject himself as a rag doll to merely appease Saionji from bullying Tsumiki to tears every day. In those times, Koizumi proved herself to be some godsent blessing with the gifted ability to calm the storm in mere seconds, compared to Hinata’s droning hours of consolation. Still, nothing could bite more than the exasperated glare the Ultimate Photographer would snipe at him – if Hinata thought about it, it was not unlike saying, “This is why I can’t trust you useless boys to do anything right.” Quite frankly, Hinata sometimes wished he could share the same sentiment, especially in despite of his goodness-believing heart.

But even on their worst days, Hinata considered himself lucky that despite taking on the burden of helping each of his classmates overcome their problems, they all understood that everyone was making a conscious effort to be kinder to themselves, making an effort to change themselves. Well… Almost everyone.

“Oh! Hinata-kun, there you are!” And of course, as if on cue, he would show up. And there it was… that pestering bubbling heat and increased heartrate yet again. All that for an oft rambling and hope-obsessed clown. Hinata lifted his gaze from the restaurant table to meet Komaeda, a gentle smile playing on his face, not unlike a warm greeting. Though the boy in question seemed rather… out of breath than usual. “Were you looking for me?” ‘Is that why you’re panting and paler than a bottle of baby powder’ was the other snarking question he meant to ask, but Nanami had already told him off for being too blunt earlier that morning when he’d accidentally made Tsumiki cry. He wasn’t particularly fond of getting chewed out every time he opened his phone or laptop for work, only to find her glaring angrily back at him through the screen.

Despite being the usually kind-hearted and hyper-realistic AI that he and Naegi managed to restore, she sure was… firm, at times. “Kindness is everything in these times, Hinata-kun!” she’d spoken true and befitting as the self-proclaimed Jabberwock Island peacemaker; not to mention, Hinata’s impulse control. Komaeda quietly tucked his hands into the pockets of his green jacket, shaking the hood off from his mess of white hair. The same green jacket he’d worn throughout the program, the same green jacket that he almost never takes off. “Well, actually, Naegi-kun is waiting for you outside. He has a shipment for us because of the, uh… rather unexpected weather.” “…Unexpected weather?” Hinata’s voice lilted in a bit of alarm, “Was there supposed to be a typhoon?”

Apparently, judging from the mystified look on the other’s face, Hinata stood corrected. Still, a small but nervous smile played on his lips, “Not… really? I mean, you see–"

“IT’S SNOWING BALLS DEEP, MY GUY!”

Mioda’s voice hollered out seemingly nowhere, booming through the opened doors was more like an electric jolt bouncing off the walls of the restaurant, loud enough to make both Komaeda and Hinata nearly jump out of their skin. Then again… that kind of volume was something they had yet to get used to, despite living alongside the embodiment of an amplified sugar-rush.

And there wasn’t a surprise in the world that could make Komaeda look paler than a ghost, because as usual, he’s no more than a few tones shy of looking like a ghost. But to his credit, he had seemed healthier than he did in the program. But putting that aside, to Hinata, her line struck him as rather… peculiar, as he furrowed his eyebrows. Almost incredulous. Almost like she said…

“It’s... what?” In an instant, the Ultimate Musician marched up till she was merely inches from the other’s face, slapping two hands on both cheeks just to squish them a little as if they were mochi. According to Hinata, saying that her magenta eyes were excitedly sparkling with one-hundred volts of energy would be a criminal understatement, even.

“Ssssssnnnooooooooowwww,” she spoke, dragging out her syllables with surprisingly more patience than Hinata could ever consider her capable of. “Snow! It’s snow, Hajime-chan. It’s snowing, Haji—” “Ya-huh.” Hinata’s voice dripped in sarcasm, or rather disbelief, “And this here is literally a tropical island.” Even looking outside to the window of the restaurant, it was hard to tell if it was true or not – the skies were clear and blue, after all. He’d have noticed something wrong with the weather in the morning, wouldn’t he? Komaeda’s lips ghosted something like a grin, “You’re not wrong to be suspicious of a claim like that. That’s what I thought so too, but Naegi-kun came by with winter jackets for us because of the unexpected snowfall. That’s what I was trying to tell you earlier.”

When their eyes met, the gears in Hinata’s mind slowly clicked together every bit of information. Not that he really needed to anyway, as when Komaeda began to shrug off his jacket, it was clear that the poor guy had been out of breath and shivering from being trapped in nothing less than a frosty snowstorm. Still…

A vibration in his pocket. Hinata immediately knew who it was. “Hinata-kun!” Nanami’s muffled voice resonated as he reached for his pocket, “Good morning, I just woke up a little while ago, but I happened to overhear!” Nanami’s avatar on screen stood with her hands clasped together, eyes glowing with about an eighth of Mioda’s excitement, “I know you’re confused but, looking at the special weather report the Future Foundation relayed to me a few minutes ago, it looks like this is sort of a rare climatic condition on the real Jabberwock Island. Unlike the Neo World Program that almost always had sunny weather.”

She paused to ponder for a moment, “Ah, plus, you know, global warming… I think.” Hinata’s lips pressed firm, letting out a loud huff through his nose as he watched her expression slightly pixelated, change to a gentle, but thoughtful look through the phone screen. Nanami continued, “I know how much the cold bothers you, but… I’m pretty sure it’s not some kind of ploy by the people to make us miserable.”

There’s a slight lilt in her voice when she says that, almost amused, “It’s been years since you’ve all repaired the city anyway. I think, given the time of year, we should simply take it as it is and make the most of it.” “I absolutely concur, Nanami-san!” A familiar, regal voice chirped up the stairs from the lobby. Noticing upon her entrance, Sonia had already taken the liberty of dressing herself for the winter, apparently having dug into the new shipment of winter jackets, though Naegi himself was nowhere to be seen.

Being dressed in a baby blue faux-fur and silk trench coat, with Persian patterning at the hem and sleeve cuts, was rather fitting of her dignified but casual style as the Ultimate Princess. A voice from within Hinata’s head (that he didn’t want to hear) said that the Persian pattern ‘was actually and more specifically, an Iranian design, reminiscent of the Imam Mosque in the Isfahan province of Iran.’ Kamukura droned on like a bee humming by his ear, continuously supplying him with even more trivia as if he’d rehearsed the entire history of the Safavid dynasty for this very day. But by that point, Hinata had already turned the volume dial in his brain to zero; a setting that he wished would stay as the default, but alas, he knew he owed much to Kamukura anyway for how far they’d come as survivors of a killing game. Might as well give him some time to shine.

He figured that he’d be bored to death and back again if he too had to be sanctioned off to a corner of some mundane and talentless guy’s brain. Especially considering Kamukura’s lack of tolerance for uninteresting things, it’s a surprise he hadn’t gone into a hundred-year slumber to save himself the trouble of listening to Hinata. Or disintegrated from boredom before then anyway. Trailing significantly behind Sonia were Tanaka and Souda walking side by side, talking excitably about some new zoo tycoon game they’d heard about. Though with both having become surprisingly chummy in recent years, it wasn’t the most astounding sight to see. But granted, Hinata would be lying if he said it still didn’t make him smile a bit at least to see them joking around and sharing interests. Admittedly, it was both odd and endearing to see two former rivals in love (or rather, a genuine candidate and a one-sided lovestruck fool) become best friends. It had started off rather straightforward; clearly remembering the day Souda requested, insisted even, that he wanted to sit down with Tanaka and talk to him properly, saying that after taking time to reflect on the events of the past, he wished to apologize for his behaviour in the program and his treatment toward Sonia in the near future as well.

Surprisingly mature, Hinata had thought, and it turned out that the Ultimate Mechanic had in fact matured beyond his looks, greatly, through some damn near ground-breaking miracle. Souda had even taken it upon himself to recreate a miniature version of Nezumi Castle for Tanaka’s hamster companions as a token of friendship.

Saying Tanaka was pleased would, once again, be a rather grave understatement, so far as going to rather shyly pledging his lifelong companionship, in his own unique way, to the teary-eyed young man who’d bowed a full ninety degrees forward.

If he had to think about it, Komaeda really wasn’t the only one who had the power to make Hinata’s heart stir. Every time he would be lucky enough bear witness to a slightly kinder change in behaviour from his classmates, without fail, there would be a rush of warmth filling his chest.

Though undoubtedly a different feeling from the sensation that coursed through him, reserved for just that one person; but Hinata felt that he should digress from such thoughts when the boy in question was standing in front of him, unperturbed and unknowing of it all. Nonetheless, Hinata would rather have everyone get along in peace. He’d rather everyone build on from their pasts. They’d never be able to forget it, but at least they’d be able to learn from what had transpired.

At least they had another chance at life, right?

“Hinata-kun?” Yet again, that soothing voice brought his thoughts back to the present, grounded him. Komaeda was definitely still a work in progress when it came to being kinder to himself, but he had definitely grown to love his classmates wholeheartedly even disregarding the idea of talent. For now, this would do.

Grey eyes met green in curious concern, and a kind, rejuvenated smile rested on Hinata’s lips to reassure the other boy.

“It’s nothing.” A step closer, a little bolder, and he let his fingertips barely brush his shoulder,

“Why don’t we all head outside and just enjoy the day then?”

White. Just cold and white. There wasn’t a single damn inch as far as Hinata could see that wasn’t covered in snow.

Sure enough, as they stood there freezing with frigid air chilling and drying out their lungs, Naegi had sent them off with a wave accompanied by a dashing smile and a carefree, “See you later, don’t get sick in the cold, Hinata-kun!” leaving the winter supplies behind, heating system parts and all.

Easy for him to say, when he lived in an apartment funded by the Future Foundation. Rather easy for him to say, when he didn’t live on a crusty old island with parts breaking down every other day, hearing Souda breaking out into the hysterics of a banshee-like fit from witnessing his handiwork falling apart due to weathering and bad luck before his eyes.

Though, as always, Komaeda tended to topple the blame of faulty parts onto himself. A bit of a stupid and breathy, “Ahaha… what rotten luck for me to be around and cause so much misfortune on everyone again,” would come out of Komaeda’s mouth every second day, and with Souda curling into fetal position on the floor all the other days.

Hinata had always thought it to be the obviously visible rust and metal-eating acidic residue but, of course, what did he know?

The parts sent along to them were probably table scraps, he knew he could expect that much; despite all their work for the Future Foundation, even rebuilding the city with the rest of his class and doing additional charity and rehabilitation work for the survivors, there would still be passing comments a little too harsh for their own liking. Whether they were on the way to Naegi’s office, or running an errand for Kirigiri, there was always a snide comment or cold shoulder out of nothing but prejudice, but they’d gotten used to it by now. They just had to.

Undoubtedly, they were the ones to get the second-hand materials. Maybe they were still nothing more than an afterthought to them, discarded, removed from society’s ranks like used rags back onto the island where they’d tried to kill each other, though they voluntarily wished to come back. Even so, they were nothing more and nothing less than the Ultimate Despair.

However unkind the few cold-hearted were, over the years in and out of the city, at least most of the members had warmed up to them. Possibly a result of the tireless hours of labor, nursing those who became sickly back to health, and putting their lives on the line for the city they sought to destroy all those years ago, together.

It was the least they could do. Hinata knew by the sickly look on Imposter’s face, or the exhaustion lining both Kuzuryuu’s and Koizumi’s features, that they were all trying their damnedest to do their best and make up for the loss they’d caused. Even through their worst days, bickering and hair pulling and terror riding through their bones, they tried their best while rediscovering the bonds they had once forgotten. That earnestness in those seemingly hopeless yet hopeful days was all that mattered to him. That’s all that should matter to anyone at this point, if he could be honest with himself. Hinata found himself prying away from the rest of the class, most of whom stood around gawking and poking at the snow like school children seeing a heavy snowfall for the first time in their lives.

Taking hold of the box cutter Souda lent him from his toolkit, Hinata sliced open the top of the second box that remained unopened. Supposedly, these held the parts that he’d later let Souda tinker around with to build what Naegi said was a heating machine, and surprisingly enough, the bottom of the box and the snow under it wasn’t stained with rust. ‘Maybe we got parts that weren’t drenched in acid rain for once’ he found himself joking with a half-exasperated smirk on his face.

Though, if he were completely honest, it wasn’t farfetched from the usual truth at all. The new truth, however… “We got brand new parts?!”

Souda’s voice chirped, or rather, shrieked loud enough to be heard across a baseball stadium. To say Hinata was merely confused by such statement would be rather dry. And yet, there Souda was – eyes twinkling, almost bright enough to rival Mioda’s one-hundred volts, (though he’d sworn he heard her distant whooping about another machine in the box) immediately digging through steel parts like a fox leaping headfirst into snow if only to bury half its body in it.

A fond smile found its way to his face. Rather fitting, seeing as there was snow everywhere. Fitting, seeing how from his side profile whilst preoccupied with the fallen snow, Komaeda looked like he could be Souda’s arctic fox companion, ready to indulge in winter’s joy as well; complete with his sly demeanor, bright eyes, cunning wit and charm and… being that kind of unusual but infuriatingly attracti— “Ah, there’s also a note in here… Yo, Hinata, take care of this, would ya? It’s time for me to finally get cracking on some real machinery.” Hinata’s head whipped back to Souda as he stood, watching him attempt to pop his knuckles but failing soundlessly, instead excitedly stretching his arms over his head now that he’s in his element at long last.

Throwing his hands on his hips and taking a heavy breath in, he looked just like an eager elementary school kid in spirit, just with the body of a 26-year-old, “Just like, look at this! It’s state of the art tech?! I can’t believe they got their hands on this, and I…” As nice as it was to see Souda excited, Kamukura or not, Hinata had no particular fancy in machine parts, especially something like air conditioning parts. But if Souda could practically get off to it, he really wouldn’t be one to stand in his way.

Yet again, he digressed from that mental image with a grimace on the inside and a polite smile paired with a thumbs up on the exterior. Not even Kamukura had the energy to interfere; for once, the two of them concluded unanimously with what could be summed up as, ‘Yeah, just let the man deal with it.’

The note, now in Hinata’s grasp, however, garnered an interest from both of them. “To the…” A pause. He blinked once, then twice. Was he reading this right? “To the… graduated class of 77-B… this, among some other incoming shipments, are our gift to you.” Hinata read out loud to everyone. It wasn’t the ‘Remnants of Despair’, it wasn’t a vaguely sugar-coated reference to ‘criminals’, it wasn’t any other biting remark or degrading comment they’d grit their teeth and smiled through during their grueling days of work. Simply, the graduated class of 77-B. “Despite our differences in the past few years, we here at the Future Foundation have come to acknowledge the efforts that you all have put into rebuilding the city.” Hinata paused, taking a deep breath, “In the past week or so, our dispatched team has done a thorough final cleaning, rehousing any remaining rehabilitated survivors into the buildings that you all have helped to rebuild. There is no longer any need for your services, as we have a fairly capable maintenance team. We will still provide necessities to Jabberwock Island until we can establish finer details for currency, as we realize that it is still too scarce to be of fair value. You are free to return to the Future Foundation for work, or consider this an early retirement or rehabilitation, though the supposed pension may not be grand.”

Pulling the paper away from his face, he carefully read the last line with a steady voice, “For the misconduct and poor treatment due to our negligence and distrust, we hope that you can accept our apologies. Thank you for your hard work. Signed, Togami Byakuya.” There was little to do but tuck away the letter and let the words sink into his mind. His mouth felt dry all of a sudden, feeling a rush deep in his chest like pain and relief at the same time. At long last… at long last, they could be seen for a little more than criminals. Without a doubt, the burden of their crimes would still be carried on their backs, but… “Hinata-kun…” Komaeda’s hand found its way to his shoulder, crouching beside him, Hinata unaware of when he himself had come down to his knees at all, “I’m surprised it’s Togami-kun of all people addressing us so politely, I would’ve thought it was Naegi-kun this entire time.” He let out a chuckle at the thought, probably imagining it as well. “But isn’t it a good thing, then?” “I mean, who knows, Togami might as well have been held at gunpoint by Naegi to write nicely.�� Hinata responded, watching Komaeda throw his head down to try and hide his laughter, though he wished he could see it anyway.

He continued, “…But by ‘a good thing’ you mean, to be acknowledged as Ultimates?” Hinata’s eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion. To that, Komaeda merely smiled warmly, “To be acknowledged as equals, as people, people who have been redeemed as symbols of hope.”

Hearing Komaeda’s words and turning back to him, the way the sunlight caught his eyes and reflected off the crisp and pure white snow made him seem like he was glowing. Maybe he was, in Hinata’s eyes at least.

It made him think time and time again about how things had changed since they’d first arrived back on the real island; they couldn’t even say they were truly “back” because nothing was ever quite the same as the program or the life they had before.

Nothing was the same except for the feelings that stuck to them, buried inside them.

The motivations, the pain, and the horror. All of the ugly aspects and hardly ever the beautiful. What could you make of the place you spent the most traumatizing days of your life in? The place where you were full of feelings of distrust, confusion, and betrayal, where the wrong choice could be the end of the road for everyone?

The place where you both loved and feared the people you lived alongside? Someone like Komaeda in the Neo World Program, full of hysterics and twisted tongues and horrible ideals that had truly rolled the game into motion – someone he never fathomed to forgive or trust another day, and yet, when he looks at the same man now, he’s overcome with the strangest feeling of hope. Dare he say happiness, even.

Happiness for the fact that they had all slowly brought out the best within themselves despite their trauma and loss.

The hope that contrasted so starkly against their despair, much like the hardships in any average person’s life tends to illuminate the good. It gave him peace of mind, for their second chance at life. Even Komaeda, despite his persistent self-deprecating ways, had been able to make at least an inch of progress. Maybe not towards himself, but to others – he’d come forward, trying to change his way of thinking, bit by bit each day. Speaking of a new hope, the one that they had built together, instead of the ideal he had to desperately cling to all his life for sanity in a world where fate would backlash at every step of the way. It took an immense amount of trust on both of their parts, but it was worth the risk. Things had definitely changed. And he was okay with that.

It was only a day after arriving back on the island that Komaeda had immediately started disappearing for most of the day. Whether he was trying to punish himself or test the trust of his overly-kind classmates, he didn’t quite know. Perhaps all he probably wanted, was to merely… Decay. Like rotting fruit that was never sweet to begin with, just the regretfully wrong choice to pluck from the tree. The one that would undoubtedly infect the rest of the barrel. It was just a mistake.

Despite the generosity of Kamukura’s skills, alongside Hinata’s well-wishes, maybe all it was that he merely felt obligated to bring everyone, including himself, back to life; for a second chance, for redemption, for “hope”.

And he hated it.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this was it? He was supposed to die, even with regrets writhing somewhere in him, even with words left unspoken, it was fine if he was just left to die. He wasn’t supposed to see him again. He wasn’t supposed to wake up every day, seeing her wrist hanging lifelessly where his used to be. It didn’t matter if there were things left with loose ends, when a life is taken by someone’s hands or even their own, they cannot come back to life. That was never the reality he was forced to grow used to.

No matter how long he would sit praying with clasped hands and white knuckles for hours on end, incense and prayer bells ringing in his eardrums until he could hear the ringing in his sleep, eyes burning and heart aching for another chance to say, “Have a nice day at work,” just for a mere chance to see the ghost of his hope all those days.

Even if he couldn’t get any closer to them in the time that they were alive, because it was as if a wall stood between them; no matter how hard he ran, the distance never closed between him and his loved ones. Maybe now, he realized, that they were sparing themselves of his horrific luck cycle, only to be struck by it anyway. Hopeless. Futile. Just like him. At least a realistic hope, void of such grandeur and delusions like a ‘second chance at life’, was the only thing his luck would ever validate. Not some fantasy, nor would it entertain a chance at a happy ending. It wasn’t supposed to, and ideally, he would have stayed dead if not for the meddling reserve course student who he tried so hard to despise. Who he knew he should despise.

But things would have to stay this way, he supposed. Orchestrating another suicide would be too troublesome, too exhausting, too much of a hassle to clean up. Going out in silence like a light without wasting any resources would be the better option anyway, wasn’t it? Even if it was the difficult way of leaving for good. At least there would be no chance of bringing a shriveled corpse back to life.

Though he was buried in his thoughts, Komaeda could make out someone standing beyond the door from the shadows on the ground. Before even seeing his silhouette, he knew who it was; and he knew he shouldn’t even be in here. The door to the warehouse flew open at last, exposing Hinata under the frame, with yet another stern and annoyed expression as he eyed Komaeda sitting on the dusty ground. Even someone like him would be disgusted after all.

The air between them was mostly silent, as usual; after arriving on the island, Komaeda made sure to distance himself from everyone and drop the act of friendliness out of politeness. After all, no one should have to deal with someone like him for longer than necessary, not even if they’d all done terrible things. He was an attempted murderer, at that, knowing Hinata had figured it out during that last trial he’d heard rumors of. Even if he did feel that he was justified at the end of the day.

And it was always Hinata.

Every day he would disappear from the main island and away from everyone, he’d always be the one to bring him back; often wrapping his fingers around Komaeda’s left wrist in a firm, almost scolding manner, and pulling him along behind him out of whatever rut he’d dug himself into for that day, like some mechanical ragdoll on autopilot.

Komaeda would often stare down at his wrist and fantasize about whether it’d tear right off his arm if Hinata was rough enough with him. Still, intrusive thoughts wouldn’t linger long enough when he could feel the heat of a living person on his skin. “So,” he’d started that day, “why is it that you insist on holding my hand every time you drag me back? Afraid I might run away?” He spoke in a low tone, something akin to apathy or embarrassment in his voice that he hoped Hinata wouldn’t catch. Hinata, on the other hand, didn’t seem bothered to turn around, “You could say that, and also that you always seem lonely when I find you.” “I don’t need your pity, Hinata-kun. Especially not from the likes of you.” That was the biting remark he’d expected. Rejecting, insulting, as if he hadn’t heard it all before.

Still, the way he spit out those words only made him feel the exhaustion he’d carried on from sleepless days even stronger, though he did nothing but treat the brief silence with a near-crushing grip on Junko’s rotting hand, knowing Komaeda couldn’t feel it in the slightest. “It’s not pity. And I don’t care what you think of me, even as the reserve course student you hate so much, but I know where I stand in this world.” Hinata spoke with a sigh, not letting emotion betray in his voice, nor did he let the insults get to him. One of the many things he’d learned he had control over better in his adulthood than in his youth, evidently, “It’s about time you do too.” “Oh, so it’s not pity? Enlighten me, then.” Even without turning around, Hinata could feel Komaeda spiraling as he spoke, “Isn’t it rather fitting that scum like me stays isolated in that warehouse, like a bird in a cage?” Komaeda said, a small laugh leaving with his breath at the end. “And what would you know about where I stand? I already know my place.” “Clearly you don’t.” Hinata slowed his pace down, knowing the conversation was going into uncharted territory, though it needed to be said, “At least, not with the way you’ve been treating yourself even after waking up a second time.” Komaeda froze. “Waking up…?” His lungs felt like someone filled them with smoke, like he couldn’t contain his voice anymore – feeling a burning sensation on his face he’d never really felt before. “Waking up?!” He stepped away from Hinata, tearing away his wrist like he’d just been burned. Some deeper part of his mind was gravely disappointed that Junko’s arm didn’t rip off from his flesh and skin right then and there.

Left to bleed out, though it would only be his own fresh blood. Junko’s would be nowhere to be seen. “What would you have done if we weren’t in the program? If we had died for real, like we were supposed to, then what would you have to say to everyone who died? That’s not how this world works!”

Komaeda started to pull at the fabric of his jacket in frustration, to the touch it was shabby and damaged and discoloured, even beyond its physical appearance – just like him. Hinata still wouldn’t fully face him, and that only aggravated him further. Arrogant, foolish, reserve course student. His eyes widened, throwing himself further into shouting out, “You call your hope, some gaudy and artificial rebirth, ‘waking up’? And for what, the sake of criminals who destroyed the world—?" “Get over yourself, Komaeda.” Hinata finally snapped back to the other boy. He’d done his best to keep his composure, and he wasn’t about to mess up entirely now, “Thinking of yourself at a time like this when everyone has a second chance to redeem themselves. You think we don’t know what reality is? You think I liked waking up those first few days to see the face of a murderer looking back at me in the mirror? You think I liked having to throw up because I felt sick of myself for deaths which I had little to no memory or feeling of remorse for? It’s not like any of us expected to even have another opportunity.” Hinata’s sucked in air through his teeth sharply, jaws clenched tight when they weren’t moving, feeling something like adrenaline in his veins. Adrenaline, he thought, or maybe anger. “Komaeda, do you honestly think I haven’t regretted waking up, even once?” Hands that he didn’t realize were tightened into a fist pulled a little harder, watching Komaeda’s anger slowly drain from his expression, “So, what, are you going to tell victims like Koizumi and Mioda they don’t deserve another chance at life because of who they were? This isn’t just about us, but are you going to deprive yourself of another chance just because you’re hung up on the past? Give me a fucking break.” Komaeda couldn’t do anything but stay silent, this time not meeting Hinata’s eyes, but letting the warm air and the scent of summer rain on asphalt fill his lungs and slowly wash out the frustration he’d felt moments ago. Once again, it was always Hinata.

It was always Hinata who managed to both infuriate him and ground him every time. “Then again, I never could understand that ‘hope’ of yours, even at the very end. Still…” Letting his now quivering grip relax, Hinata took another deep shaky breath, closing his eyes for just a moment to figure out what he wanted to say. There was no room for mistakes, especially when he had an opening like this with someone like Komaeda Nagito.

“You’re allowed to be angry at the outcome, I can’t dictate how you’re meant to feel. But I know you still have a place in this world, despite everything. Even if it’s difficult to remain here, you still belong with us, as an equal in 77-B. As a friend.”

At those words, the tension seemed to dissipate slowly; but there was still never any sure telling, Komaeda could revert right back to building those thorn walls around him, desperate to keep well-wishers out lest his luck bring them misfortune. But Hinata needed the change.

They wouldn’t be able to move forward without the acknowledgement alone; he wanted to move forward with everyone no matter how long it took, including Komaeda. Especially Komaeda, even if he couldn’t quite understand why he was so desperate for him to follow. “Not even your luck can stop you from taking pleasure in the simple things in life. Not as long as we’re around to support you. But nothing will change unless you want it from your own heart… though, just so you know, I do want to see you happy someday.” Hinata reached for his hand, his real hand, and smiled gently despite everything – to remind him that everything good and everything bad in their lives was most definitely real, that he wouldn’t be alone when facing them, that there was better means of retribution that didn’t lead them to suffering quietly. Not every bit of damage will disappear, but even if it means some things may merely fade, others will heal eventually.

“Tsumiki took a crash course for counselling and now runs a therapy clinic with help from volunteers at the Future Foundation as well.” Hinata looked to the sky, wondering when patches of it started to change a little from red to purple. “Let’s go together tomorrow, okay?”

Komaeda faced the floor and mumbled under his breath, leading Hinata to furrow his eyebrows in confusion, “Huh? Did you say something?”

At that point he’d also noticed he was still holding Komaeda’s hand. Neither of them seemed to notice or care a whole lot, so of course he wouldn’t be the one to bring it up. Though Komaeda’s insults were mostly empty, but when caught off guard, it wasn’t like his confidence was high enough not to get curb-stomped by the jabs anyway. “So you’re talentless and hard of hearing too, huh?” Komaeda shot an unimpressed look at him, to which Hinata could merely shrug weakly before the other let out a sigh, “I said, Ultimate Persuader.” Komaeda’s lips ghosted the slightest hint of a grin, as he immediately casted his eyes to the floor, “I guess… I bet it rubbed off on you from Kamukura-kun, but it’s fine. I’ll take you up on your offer, if you so insist.” And that was that, Hinata supposed. Though some days were more troublesome than others, Komaeda found himself wandering back to the warehouse less and less to plot the way the Spear of Gungnir pierced his abdomen in the program, neither would he lay on the filthy ground and pray to rot in silence where he lay.

Instead, he’d let Hinata gently grasp the fingertips of his right hand, every Sunday afternoon on their way to the third island.

“Ah… so a karaoke machine, is it?” “No shit, it’s a karaoke machine. Big brother, don’t you have ears? Or eyes, for that matter? Ones that aren’t always following that cotton-head creep?” Saionji stuck her tongue out distastefully at Hinata, eventually skipping away from the stage where the machine had been propped up gracefully thanks to the heaving efforts of what Souda dubbed one lazy afternoon as, The Muscle Hustlers, Owari and Nidai. Hinata, like most people with at least a bit of taste, despised that name, though at least he didn’t demand a cash refund for violating his ears unlike Saionji.

Hinata didn’t pay any attention to that snide remark either, though he wondered if she merely came around to insult him for fun. After all, Saionji was always full of them, and entertaining or even refuting them would only end up with someone on the verge of tears – usually Saionji. Though it wasn’t her being driven to tears that he feared as much as he felt bad for; it was Koizumi’s wrath that he actually feared. Making someone’s girlfriend cry would do that, he supposed.

After spending a bit of time on his own, mostly tweaking things or vegetating, he’d come out for the invitation to the party at Titty Typhoon, apparently to congratulate themselves on an early retirement… or rather, graduation. And by the looks of the karaoke machine, decorations, and booze on the table, things were about to get rather loud rather fast.

Though, he had to really hand it to Mioda for whipping everything up so quickly; she really was a different kind of motivated when it came to music and parties. On their own, they were enough to make her excited but, together with an alcohol-enthused Kuzuryuu looking forward to the drinks, it was something like getting the already-hyper Mioda Ibuki to chug an energy drink and a coffee at the same time.

Basically, a rather dangerous combination that Hinata would consider getting Kamukura to split an atom would the safer option between the two. Even Imposter had a hard time keeping up with everything despite being one of the main organizers, and honestly, who could blame them? At least, it looked like everyone had arrived and was having a relatively good time.

Hanamura was busy in the kitchen, whisking away at comfort food made gourmet by perfection; even he had come around to accept that it wasn’t bad to embrace his roots with homely cooking, to honor his mother. For her sake, he’d also given up on perverted tactics and jokes over the years. Though he never quite brought it up, but Hinata eventually noticed anyway.

Everyone else had someone to talk to or something to do – he found Komaeda laughing and chatting with Pekoyama over their soft drinks, Nidai and Owari helping with aligning the lights on stage, in exchange for glazed hams to their hearts content, bellowing out cheers as they lifted giant rods of iron off the ground to move to storage; all the while, Tsumiki stood by and panicked, crying out to be careful as the two of them hoisted everything with nothing but their bare hands and a whole lot of willpower. He saw Sonia, Gundham, and Souda playing card games at their own table, watching Sonia slap down a card with a triumphant grin and watching the other two crumble before her. Fuyuhiko, on the other hand, he spotted near— “Hinata-kun?” Nanami’s voice chirped beside him, snapping him out of his trance. He’d almost completely forgotten that she’d woken up for the party. He huffed at himself, some insensitive friend he was. “Sorry, it’s all good Nanami. I was just thinking about… things.” “You were spacing out and looking at everyone. Especially you-know-who.” “You-know-who?” He snorted, “What are you, a grade schooler?” “You-know-who means Komaeda-kun.” She bellowed out the last part louder than she needed to, and, naturally, the man in question whipped his head around at the sound of his name. Hinata felt like sweating buckets. Or being struck by lightning. Nanami, on the other hand, relished in his embarrassment and waved at Komaeda through the screen, which he had cheerfully reciprocated before turning back to Pekoyama who merely smiled between the four of them. He took a deep breath.

“That,” he jabbed toward the screen, “Was unfair.”

Throwing his back to the wall again, he huffed irritably, only to hear Nanami chuckle quietly, “Sorry, sorry. But tell me honestly, do you see it too, then?” Hinata’s eyebrows creased a bit at the question, “See what?” “The way everyone has grown.” A somber atmosphere settled between them at those words, “Yeah. I do.”

Hinata cast a small smile at her, which she warmly gave back. She exhaled, as if letting out all her worries in one swift action. Hinata wished it were that easy, but he was more than grateful to see that his friend could allow herself to relax for once. “Well…” she spoke, glancing at each of her classmates, “I’m glad I got to see it, even if I’m not exactly… real.” Hinata stiffened, “What are you saying? Of course you’re real.” His crossed arms let down, hands folding behind his back as his head turned towards Nanami, who idly fidgeted with the cuff of her sweater like a nervous child, “You existed in all of our lives as our friend and you’ll always be our dearest classmate. You’re undoubtedly real to all of us.” His chest ached a bit as he said so, knowing full well about all that Nanami had done for everyone, knowing full well what Nanami means but refusing to truly acknowledge that.

He supposed it was a bit selfish of him, to live in a bubble of ignorant bliss when the irony was that he’d been fine with accepting reality every other way. But this way was still too difficult, even for him.

“You’re the one who’s been helping Tsumiki with the therapy sessions after all. Helping all of us. There’s no way I could ever forget that.” He felt a knot in his throat that wouldn’t go away no matter how hard he swallowed, strangely enough. Though there was nothing particularly emotional going on unless loud music, friendly banter, and a celebration they’d make sure to remember truly counted.

Somehow, he still felt like crying of all things. “Ah… I was trying to keep that a secret… but it’s okay.” She smiled, and Hinata knew that no computer monitor would be able to contain her warmth and kindness. “It’s funny… I guess I’m a bit of an existentialist, even if I don’t quite exist.”

Hearing those words, Hinata found himself hesitantly opening and closing his mouth, wanting to refute them; he knew everyone still had their sore spots, but above all he knew how much Nanami had to suffer all this time. Each and every one of them had suffered.

But Nanami… she had to watch them gruel through the whole process, every day, even when the others were vile with each other during their first few days of waking up. Even when things felt like they were getting better, someone or another would relapse, and Nanami, without fail, would be there to rescue the deteriorating situation when Hinata had his hands tied. Not knowing how to say it properly, Hinata subconsciously patted the top of the monitor, getting a confused sound from Nanami before awkwardly shoving his hands back into his pockets. “S-sorry… still not quite good at the whole ‘emotions’ thing.” “Mhmm…” She laughed, “Neither are any of us, but that’s fine, Hinata-kun.” Their quiet chat was soon broken by Mioda’s voice on stage, beaming and hopping as she asked everyone to find seats, before bringing out a shoebox with a hole on the lid. According to her, whoever’s name would be drawn from the box would be first up to sing; karaoke was going to be consisting entirely of her favourite songs from anime and video games of her choice, with the singers completely randomized, meaning, it was a matter of luck. Luck. And his thoughts, as always, trailed right back to the Ultimate Lucky Student, who he found with his hands knitted together gracefully as he looked up at his friend on stage with an encouraging smile. Mioda, having caught his attention, all but winked back.

Rattling the whole box like a pair of maracas, Mioda eventually picked out a scrap piece of paper from out of the box with her eyes squinted shut, peeking out one eye like a child once it was unfolded.

A cattish grin on her lips as she read out the name, “Ibuki picked… Ko-ma-e-da Nagitoooo-chaaaaaaaaaaaan!”

Pointing straight at the seemingly unlucky winner, who sat with an expression that changed from his warm smile, to somewhere between giving up and straight up petrification as he slowly stood, getting a handful of cheers from the rest of the class.

Maybe it was the lights, or the way Komaeda was practically glowing as he climbed up on stage, that made him more emotional than usual. Hinata didn’t think often about his feelings, lest they get carried away and become something like infatuation.

He wondered, quietly while casting a glance to the computer screen again, if Nanami could analyze and pick up on the storm of emotions whirling in him.

“Okay! So, I’ll only play a song you know from some anime that we’ve watched together, if you’re cool with that!” Mioda chattered away as she stuck her face into the amp, adjusting frequency levels with enough skill and precision that there wasn’t a second of feedback. Komaeda all but shrugged resignedly, legs stiffly pressed flat together, and hands clasped tightly in what looked like nervous habit… awfully cute, if Hinata could be honest.

Mioda stood up, microphone in hand and whispering into Komaeda’s ear, his expression going from anxiety, to surprise, to anxiety again. “Really?” He looked unamused at whatever she’d said, exasperated even, before he went right back to being nervous, “Mioda-san, you know I can’t sing, I’ll only hurt everyone’s ears,” he’d whispered back with urgency, almost with a bit of shyness, unaware that the mic was picking up on his voice perfectly despite whispering. “You’ll be fiiiine, Nagito-chan! I’ve heard you since before, you’re amazing!” Mioda hugged him from the back and squeezed, while Hinata felt the slightest twinge of jealousy that she got to hear him singing before. “Oh… please don’t say that about tr—” he stopped himself, shaking his head, “About me.” He took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves, “But if you insist…” Mioda winked at him, pointing a one-hand finger gun at the karaoke machine, the music turning on as she “shot” it. Faintly, he could hear Fuyuhiko curse in disbelief, “How the hell…” before being hushed by Pekoyama. As the lights everywhere else dimmed, Mioda’s voice was heard once more, “Nagito-chan will be singing ‘Song of Truth’ by Do As Infinity!” The sound of the instrumental filled the room, most notably, the sound of a stringed instrument. “The jinghu,” Kamukura supplied, “It’s a Chinese instrument known for its unique high-pitch melody.”

Hinata suppressed a sigh, resisting the urge to whack his forehead, as if it’d do anything but sting, but begrudgingly stored that information in his brain anyway. He tuned out everything, focused on the boy on stage; visibly less nervous, much to Hinata’s relief, though he kept his eyes shut, he could’ve sworn Komaeda peeked and smiled at him before taking a deep breath.

The first few words from him resounded.

A melodious hum reverberating from quiet lips, foreign, but sweeter than honey. It’s just as calming of an effect – it’s not overpowering, not really, but the sound has a way of making gears click into place, make the lights seem less glaring, but a softer bloom instead; it made him glow in a manner that’s ethereally… beautiful.

Charmingly complimenting the soothing grace carried in each note of his song, and the way his silver eyes would momentarily betray melancholy even in low light.

It trailed goosebumps up Hinata’s arms.

Hinata knew that he wasn’t the only thoroughly mesmerized in the room, but in some ways, he couldn’t be bothered to take his eyes off the boy who’d made a prisoner out of his attention, much like his own heart as he’d begrudgingly learned over time. As he’d learned of the unwavering and pure affection, he accepted it with endearment little by little. Komaeda wasn’t such a bad guy, after all.

Misguided, surely, but it wasn’t like they weren’t all at fault for what had transpired. It wasn’t like Hinata didn’t have blood on his own hands, despite taking a different name and form. But at their core, there was no lying about it. They weren’t bad people. There was still time to learn and recover from their pasts. And they had, Hinata was certain that they most definitely overcame their greatest hurdles.

And now that the bigger storms were calmed, there was still time to take Komaeda’s hand and show him what it’s like to live without fear; with unconditional… love, was it? Love from himself and their classmates, their friends. It would be okay, so long as they kept living and pushing forward. Being with Komaeda, growing alongside him, learning, and understanding him over the years… it had only affirmed his affections, it had only made him want to stand beside him and help him be happy, just as he had done the same for him on the many nights Hinata would break down.

Hinata listened to the song, not bothering to filter the way the words strike him any longer. He’d simply let his emotions flow knowing he couldn’t push them away quite as easily anymore. He would stop pretending that he wasn’t shamelessly staring, watching the way his expression would crease just slightly at the more difficult lines, at the stronger notes.

He would stop pretending that he didn’t notice how Komaeda had started to take care of himself a little more, even if it was out of reluctance. He would stop pretending that he didn’t appreciate how he went out of his way to support his classmates through difficult times and moving past their sins, even if he was still rough around the edges.

He would stop pretending that he didn’t care, or that he didn’t have feelings for him, as much as a mess they both were. As Komaeda’s song came to a close, the rest of the class broke out in cheers and praise, most of them hollering in surprise at Komaeda’s bit of hidden talent as he stood there like a nervous doe.

In the back of his mind, Hinata thought it to be rather timid for someone who’d threatened to blow up five islands, but he felt that he could be cut some slack from all that nonsense. Nothing quite made sense back then, after all, but he was happier to know the real Komaeda.

All the while, Hinata felt suddenly overwhelmed with just how empty his lungs felt after everything and rushed out for air as discreetly as possible. Though trying to be inconspicuous, he was sure at least Nanami would have noticed… unless she fell asleep, that is. Nonetheless, Hinata slipped out the front door quietly amidst the chaos, taking in the chilly air in deep breaths as he placed himself on the nearby bench, suddenly taking notice of the ice-skating rink near the ruined beach the others had probably set up.

He was sure that the third island wasn’t the cleanest island, rather, it was the one that held the second-most amount of junk right next to the fifth – but all in due time, he supposed, every last one of the islands would be properly cleaned up soon enough now that they were done with the mainland.

After what he guessed was ten minutes, he could very faintly hear Sonia’s voice in a duet with Owari; a surprising but lively combination, and the song seemed to be fairly upbeat even if he couldn’t make out the words.

Even so, it warmed his heart. Maybe because he felt like a forty-year-old in a twenty-seven-year-old’s body, it was like the world moved far too quickly during his youth. There never was much time for him to really be a teenager, if he really thought about it.

There was too much going on between the blurred lines of his childhood memories, the bandages, the arguments in the kitchen, all while he poured hours day in and out into his studies for cram school and exams; and then there was Hope’s Peak, and all the pain and frustration and longing to be significant that came with it.

It consumed those years, burning them faster than cotton, like his life was nothing more than fodder for entertainment and testing the limits of ground shattering low esteem for a boy who knew no better than to give up his body to some greed-driven scientists, and that if some cruel God was out there taking pleasure out of his hellscape of a life, well… he knew that by the fact that he was still alive meant that he had the last laugh, at least.

The sound of boots crunching in the snow approached from behind, and, lucky him, it was Komaeda with two hot drinks in his hands. “So, this is where you disappeared, huh?”

He sat down beside him, shivering a bit at the touch of the frozen bench before handing Hinata his drink, appearing to be the hot tea that Koizumi prepared with Sonia much earlier. “My singing was pretty atrocious, huh?” He laughed softly and glanced towards the fairy lights decorating the posts and fences outside, right before Hinata’s eyes went wide, “What?! No! Of course not, it was amazing, I didn’t even know you could sing that beautifully— I just… needed some air.” Komaeda looked at him with skepticism, though the light bit of pink on his cheeks betrayed otherwise; that biting look of ‘reserve course student’ had been long gone, but he probably still enjoyed lightly jeering on Hinata on a good day. “Hmm… well, if you say so!”

A beat of silence passed between them, with nothing but the gentle lapping sound of the ocean shore, and the muffled music and cheers from within the music venue.

Hinata loved moments like this, where even if it was silent, Komaeda’s company never quite felt anything except comfortable. If they were still in the program, undoubtedly, he’d probably beg to differ but… now that he got to know about his favourite side of Komaeda, things were different to say the least. It reminded him of the Komaeda that waited for him to wake up on that otherwise strange and terrifying day.

“Say, do you think we’ve changed since waking up?” Hinata spoke quietly, as if worried he’d break the solemn atmosphere.

Komaeda shifted in his seat, smiling, “Without a doubt, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata looked up to the sky; hoping the clouds would clear soon. It had been a while since he’d seen the stars in their full glory, and even now, there were still days when parts of the sky seemed more purple than blue.

Like the sky, they could never completely heal either, but even that was alright. Healing was never a straight path in the first place. “I’m glad you think so too.” “It’s actually funny you mention that – Pekoyama-san and I were talking about the past as well… how much we’ve changed as a class.”

Komaeda spoke somberly, watching his expression become something like nostalgic, his breath coming out as visible puffs of hot air at this time of night, “We talked about how we both considered ourselves tools for a greater cause, we never really put much value on our lives until our loved ones would say otherwise with their near-dying breath.” Komaeda paused, lazily rubbing his thumb over the length of his fingers in a half-hearted attempt to keep warm and smiled.

“I always knew she was pleasant and a great symbol of hope to me, but… now that I got to speak with her a little more, she really is a wonderful person… I guess we both had a lot more in common than we thought, huh?” Hinata nodded, quietly scraping, folding, and smoothing the compacted snow with the tip of his boot, as he listened to Komaeda talk his heart out for once, “Ever since that day you brought me out of the warehouse, and every time I would try to hide again, you would be the one to help sever that need to hurt myself. And I…”

Komaeda fell silent, taking a shaky breath, making Hinata finally look back at him. His head was lowered to where he couldn’t meet his eyes, the streetlights catching the white of the snow and the white of his hair, and Hinata had to all but resist the urge to pull him close and comfort him.

“Do you remember the day we were all in the restaurant during a typhoon, Owari-san had taken up a blindfolded eating contest against Nidai-kun? Owari-san had won that, and when Saionji-san started to make fun of her, she playfully stuck a pork rib bone covered in sauce on the back of her kimono and it got stuck there like glue.”

He smiled meekly at the memory, lifting his head again, “I don’t remember a time since we woke up that we laughed that hard. I probably wasn’t one of the people that laughed too much, I think. Because when we collected ourselves, I’d… broken down already.” The memory from five years prior was vivid, even today. He remembered standing close by the entrance of the restaurant, seeing at least three people doubled over, and Hinata in tears. Even somewhere in his hardened heart at the time, he felt joy.

A different kind of warmth, like being together with a family. Feeling a fleeting but all too real spark of happiness. That joy was short lived when the reality started to set in. That sweet happiness had a rather bitter aftertaste when that single thought crossed his mind.

I tried to murder these people.

Overwhelmed by guilt, by frustration, his knees buckled as if the weight of his actions suddenly took a heavy toll on him, like the crossed wires in his brain had struck some semblance of clarity, and before he could understand what was happening or how he was really feeling, he began sobbing like a child.

Everything he had tried to do in the program was what he had known to do since the start, since the beginning of his life, in order to counter his luck and find the one thing that could defy it – hope.

And yet, it was all wrong. If it weren’t for Hinata, then they wouldn’t be here, laughing, crying, creating a new life together because they were forced into a life or death game at the prime of their youth, when they should have been trying to find a way out. He was the one to tip the scale, he was the one to spark the fuse when it didn’t need to; at the cost of his own life, it was fine, but now when he looked at the others, he felt a tightness in his chest. He always despised dirty tricks, and he never was a good liar. Yet, he found that he did nothing but cause calamity. It suddenly felt clear as day how wrong he was, even if it was his means of surviving all throughout his childhood; what good was that when he was there to merely throw away his life? How selfish of him to play some sacrificial God and right their wrongs when, as Hinata had said that there was always, always another way out that didn’t have to have them suffer. So, Komaeda cried.

He cried like someone truly had died, crying out apologies over and over to no one in particular, like the child who had seen his parents get killed before his eyes once more, traumatized again and again like a pearl in its shell. And just as imperfect. He realized what he was trying to destroy for an ideal world when a world like that never existed, it was simply the imperfect yet endearing reality before him. And that, if this is how reality is today, then Hinata truly had forgiven him, and not out of reluctance – and he knew that he’d accepted Hinata as well. Amongst all this, not even realizing when Sonia, Hinata, Koizumi, Nidai, and his other classmates had knelt beside him, confused and apprehensive and worried but still kind in the gesture alone.

To comfort him of all people. They weren’t close, and yet… somehow, he felt that they could understand his regret and frustration. After all, they carried their own mistakes as well.

Somehow, Komaeda had to make it up to them one day and gain their trust, even if he wasn’t worthy of it. But for now, things were fine as they were.

He was… happy, with the way things were now. Hinata exhaled, finally bundling up that bit of courage and letting his hand rest on the other’s shoulder and squeezed lightly; he wouldn’t admit nor deny the fact that he likely moved a few inches closer, not that it really mattered. “If I can be honest, I was wrong about you. You’ve… grown a lot since before.” he said, sticking out his legs to stretch only to hear his knees pop embarrassingly loud. Joint pain in your mid-twenties was a different kind of hell altogether, and his timing was impeccable.

“S-sorry, that was—” He cleared his throat, only for Komaeda to smile and give an understanding nod, “Anyway, I’m glad that you don’t see yourself that way anymore. I’m glad that you gave everyone a chance, and most importantly, yourself.” Hinata’s voice softened, something like affection and pride welling in him.

“I don’t want you to have to worry about your luck, or your health. After all, his luck will balance it out and… with how your treatment has been going successfully, I think we’ll be okay.” Hinata tried to ignore the way Komaeda quirked his eyebrow at the way he referred to Kamukura, but everyone and their mother probably knew about that complicated internal conflict already, “Kamukura and the others have been trying really hard and if they come out with a breakthrough. It’d be huge not only for us, but for anyone else affected similarly.” “Us…?” Komaeda hung onto that word, feeling a tightness in his chest. Hinata floundered to cover his embarrassment, but all the other boy did was laugh it off delicately.

And in one graceful motion, he stood up, boots crunching in the snow as he took Hinata’s wrist in tow behind him. A small grin rested on his face as he tugged Hinata, who followed without much question, to the ice rink. Hinata stretched slightly after sitting for so long, carefully glancing between the ice rink and Komaeda, not quite enjoying the implication of him looking so lost in thought. “So, Hinata-kun, how badly do you think it’d end if we tried skating with snow boots on?” “Huh…” Hinata looked back at the other with a mildly impressed grin, “Look at you, taking risks for once in your life. But sorry, I don’t know how to skate.” “Neither do I!” He joyfully replied, as if that were any more reassuring, “And as if me living and breathing isn’t already a risk,” Komaeda retorted, albeit those words were more playful than morbid, “Besides, if we fall through thin ice and end up with hypothermia, I could very well blame Kamukura-kun’s luck, couldn’t I?” he laughed, sticking a foot out at the edge of the rink to test just how slippery it was. Hinata grinned something mischievous, and at that, he took hold of Komaeda’s shoulders and shoved themselves out into the ice, both of them speedily spinning out of control for a moment while gripping onto each other’s arms for safety across the makeshift rink, like there was nothing but melting butter beneath their feet. Or, well, ice really would be close enough.

Immediate regret, if their cries of panic were anything to go by; it wasn’t one of Hinata’s brighter ideas, but he’d be lying if he said this wasn’t fun either. It was rather surprising with how their balance, or rather lack of it, didn’t get them killed was a mystery as they found themselves twisting and slipping in every direction. Komaeda eventually crashed into the pile of fresh snow, having given up on a graceful landing, with Hinata following closely and just barely crushing him – instead, he’d landed on the man’s prosthetic arm on his stomach, cursing as he did.

Though the slight adrenaline was still running through him, Hinata immediately pried himself off the snow, worriedly taking hold of Komaeda’s arm to check it for any damage and babbling, “I-I’m so sorry, are you hurt? I didn’t mean for things to get that crazy…” He didn’t look back at Komaeda, feeling too embarrassed for practically crushing his arm in a stunt, and instead pulled the hand closer to his face, furrowing his eyebrows and inspecting between the metal joints and slender fingers that weren’t quite unlike Komaeda’s real hand. He wasn’t quick to notice that he was far from being in pain either, rather the silent realization that he had been holding his hand rather intimately hit him like a truck, heat pooling in his cheeks for reasons beyond the chilly weather. “Don’t… worry about it, I’m absolutely fine.” He smiled it off, watching Hinata give it one last wary eye to the prosthetic and back to Komaeda, before setting the arm down. Hinata sat looking down at the other lying in the snow, who had by then closed his eyes and breathing slowly, stretching his arms far out as if he was making the slenderest snow angel the world had ever seen or hugging the wide-open night sky.

With a heaving breath and an endearing gaze, Hinata broke the silence, “I had my doubts, but… you really are still Komaeda Nagito.” Komaeda’s eyes slowly opened again at those words, “What do you mean?” “I mean that the boy I met at the beginning of the program, the boy I met at the end of the first trial, and the man I know now… they’re all the same.” Hinata’s voice felt a little tired from all the yelling, but he continued anyway, “I was scared that, I would never be able to see the kind-hearted friend I made at the very start ever again. One of my first friends, who I felt, at the time… betrayed me.” Hinata paused, catching the slight wince on Komaeda’s face.

Though they were Komaeda’s contrived and warped ideals back then, he too was probably shaken by Hinata’s revelation as well… and now, somehow, it made sense when he started to piece together his luck cycle, his absolute dependency on hope, his desire for escapism from such a hellish fate and to merely live a normal life.

And how ironic it was that they had the lives that each other yearned for. “But every good and bad thing about you, it was still always you, but… you’ve been able to overcome your fears, your shortcomings, with patience.” Hinata felt his heart picking up the pace, but smiled to cover his nervousness, “I guess it just means I can like you more now. Not that I could bring myself to hate you in the first place.” Komaeda pushed himself upright on his elbows, tucking in his knees and drawing his lips into the slightest smile, “Was that supposed to be some sort of confession?” Hinata scoffed, “Sure. But you think I’d give a half-hearted confession like that? Who do you think I am, some untalented reserve course student?” Hinata give a weak shove to Komaeda’s shoulder, to which he just laughed off. With his hair dusted with sparkling white snowflakes like glitter, it became clear that Komaeda’s peachy hair had started to grow back, overtaking the lifeless white mid-length; and yet despite the healthier contrast against the snow, he didn’t look any less angelic.

As Komaeda got up off his elbows, shaking the snowflakes and water droplets off the tips of his hair and jacket hood, Hinata caught himself wondering how everyone at the party was doing. When he cast a glance towards the music hall, he could faintly hear the voices of Souda and… what he could’ve sworn was Kuzuryuu, of all people, singing along. Komaeda laughed something short and sweet, catching the same drift as Hinata and the latter shaking his head in disbelief and amusement.

Hinata’s attention was drawn away when Komaeda cleared his throat, “So what about you, then? You’re always looking after everyone else, so it’s only fair I ask about you, isn’t it?” Hinata’s chest tightened. “I’m fine, honestly. I’m just glad that everyone can take a break and focus on getting themselves better, since we’re done with the Future Foundation for the most part, you know?” He shifted in place, casting another glance at the sky, and seeing a handful of stars peek through at long last.

There was always a part of him that also wanted to hide behind the clouds when he didn’t want to face the world. “In that case, you can take it easy.” “I… really don’t want to hear that from you of all people, but…” Hinata held his breath for a moment, feeling the constraints holding his emotions in starting to falter and creak, starting to feel even more tired. “No. It’s not enough,” His voice hitched at the words that left him.

He had to be much stronger than that. “I haven’t done enough to make up for the damage I’ve caused. It’ll… it will never be enough.” Emotion flickered across Komaeda’s face, and Hinata hoped it wasn’t pity. “I see…” He spoke, huffing out whatever potential biting remark he had to say. Though instinctively, Hinata felt passive anyways.

Instead, what came out was the simple phrase he’d heard many times before, “Is that really the extent of your hope, Hinata-kun?” He had heard it so many times before; accusatory, disappointment cutting deep and nestled within those words – the words he heard during trials, like some sort of test that both drove him to the answer and drove him insane with irritation. Knowing, hearing, the incompetency he’d always treated himself with being thrown back at him by a mere stranger the moment he felt like giving up. Even if it was strangely motivating. Except this time, it was different. When Hinata met the calm grey of Komaeda’s eyes, there was no bite or disgust, his words alone were quiet, careful, almost like a genuine question and not the condescending tone he’d thrown on him and the others during the program. He knew it wasn’t a taunt. It couldn’t be.

“You know… I thought I should’ve despised you when I found the truth. I knew you should’ve despised me with every fiber of your being. But I don’t think you did, not after seeing how you’re still so kind to someone like me. And it’s because of you that I have a new hope.” Komaeda reached out, holding the tips of Hinata’s cold fingers with his own freezing hands, just as he had all those years ago. “You’ve worked hard enough, Hinata-kun.” Those words were so simple. And so powerful. “You can rest now too. I’m proud of you, you know that?” Hinata felt like his heart stopped and started again at double speed. He felt like the lump in his throat just wouldn’t fade. The same one he’d felt earlier threatening to push him over. Neither would the pain crushing his chest keep it from feeling like it was difficult to breathe. Hearing the same words of reassurance he’d given to the rest of his classmates, time and time again, being returned to him by Komaeda of all people… somehow that struck him with a different kind of joy when he thought about how far they’ve come.

Somehow that struck him with a different kind of grief, when he realized that he was just as damaged as they were. He was taking the brute force of the impact, after all, wasn’t he? He was allowed to cry, he was allowed to mourn, he was allowed to feel frustrated for the trauma they’d gone through watching their friends die, having to inspect their cold bodies and petrified and bloodied faces, having to prosecute the killer whom they considered a friend and standby to watch them be killed, and come back to the reality that they had caused so much suffering in the real world. He was allowed to feel remorseful. But he had just this moment, and the many more to come, to take a few steps back and try again. And he knew, that before anything else, over the years he had the chance to create a new life alongside his classmates – and the fact that Komaeda held him silently as he cried, not unlike the way Komaeda did all those years back, gave him closure for the wounds he never noticed were gaping open. For that while that they sat there on the frozen ground surrounded by pristine white snow, there wasn’t a sound in the air but the quiet hum of a song that Hinata could already feel vibrating through his chest, all until his sobs quietened to a single hiccup. Undoubtedly, it filled him with that same feeling of peace and courage that he felt was strongest when he was by Komaeda’s side, watching him grow as his charming friend, as his kind-hearted classmate, and simply someone he’d come to care about more than he thought he’d like to admit.

But now it felt like it really wasn’t such a bad thing to admit.

He knew how Hinata had been carrying their burden wordlessly until now, watching him over the years and letting Hinata take his time, and the fact that, truthfully, Komaeda’s arms felt like the safest place in the world; Hinata knew he loved him, and though it wasn’t an easy road, he couldn’t say that it wasn’t worth it even if he wished there was an easier path there.

“Komaeda…?” “Yes?” “I know you’re not stupid.” Hinata’s voice was only slightly muffled, buried in Komaeda’s shoulder, while his chest and face burned, “You were the first one to figure out the cases and help me even if I was slow. Even if you admittedly made it a bit harder and… I hadn’t treated you properly back then.”

Hinata slowed his breathing a little, to catch his words, to catch his breath, to demand his heart to stop ricocheting off the walls of his ribcage, “So, you know then, how I feel about you. I meant it the first time I said it earlier.” For the second that Komaeda’s grip loosened, Hinata felt his heart drop – only for him to tighten his embrace even more so, “What, that you’ve been flirting with me for the past five or six years?” He spoke with a devious grin, relishing the way the panic on Hinata’s face became more evident by the second.

Komaeda laughed, “I mean, you pick up a thing or two in therapy, especially once you start to learn about the people around you. Since I’m not really good at these things, everyone was pretty helpful when I tried to figure it all out! Well, talking with others in a way that didn’t weird them out was never quite easy for me, and I guess I still am a bit awkward but… in some ways, I’ve gotten a better idea of what I should say.” Komaeda kindly ignored the shell-shocked expression Hinata wore at his revelation, albeit he found it amusing, and let that beat of silence pass peacefully. With hope in his grasp, in his arms. He takes another breath in, the same cold air, the same air that Hinata held with bated breath merely moments ago, loosely wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his forehead on his shoulder as he spoke, “I have always loved you, even when I tried not to. And I meant it the first time I said it, too… in the program, that is.” He pulled away, with a determined look, and the slightest hint of a smile on his face. And that was when Hinata saw pure confidence in his eyes, in his words, for the first time. The same Komaeda that was his very first friend on the island. The same Komaeda that had broken his trust. The same Komaeda that learned how to live again, who makes Hinata want to live, not just survive, by his side. “Even now, I still love you. These words… I know they—? I know they seem heavy but, trust me when I say that I’ve thought about it more times than I’d… like to admit.” Komaeda cast his gaze away, that confidence slightly wavering, only for Hinata to laugh inwardly and gently bump their foreheads together in endearment. Whatever made it easier for him to express his feelings, he had come this far at least was more than enough.

“…That is, if you’re okay with someone like me. If you’re okay with me being the way I am right now.”

A genuine smile, warm and gentle and loving despite the cold, rested on Hinata’s lips.

“What better time than right now?”

#hoooh boy #sorry for party rocking (this is really cheesy)#danganronpa #sdr2 #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #chiaki nanami #class 77 #hikoma #komahina #kmhn #mahiyoko #izuru kamukura #my work #my fanfics #fanfic #ok i think thats all?#aughgfjdjhfdgfd

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lockhartism · 3 years

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Aerith and Tifa as Sephiroth’s Foils

There are a lot of moving pieces to Final Fantasy 7--something that has historically contributed to its infamous reputation of being confusing. But one consistent thematic pattern that FF7 utilizes is duality. Life and death. Meetings and partings. Loneliness and togetherness. Many of the main themes presented in FF7 fall into this same format. Even the characters can be considered dualities in and of themselves. One of the most obvious dualities in the game is that of Aerith and Sephiroth. However, in varying degrees, all of the main characters are in some way antithetical to Sephiroth.

Like in many other classic hero vs. villain tales, you’d think that Cloud is the perfect foil to Sephiroth--after all, they’re at odds, so it would make sense that they’d be opposites. However, what makes Cloud and Sephiroth’s conflict so fascinating is that they actually have a good amount in common. Both Cloud and Sephiroth struggle with their identities. They also experienced trauma and loneliness in the past, and tended to isolate themselves from others. It’s this commonality that actually makes them compelling rivals, as Cloud not only has to battle Sephiroth, but also the aspects of Sephiroth that Cloud himself struggles with.

The real foils of Sephiroth are Aerith and Tifa. While there is some debate as to whether Aerith or Tifa is the real heroine of FF7 (mostly spear-headed by weird LTD-pushers), the big-brained answer is that they’re both the heroines. This is evident in concept art from an older FF7 Ultimania, pictured below:

As you can see, the concept for the story’s heroine started out as a hybrid of Tifa and Aerith. The character’s design resembles Tifa, and the name below the sketch reads “ティファ”, or Tifa. However, the character’s role was very different. She was intended to be both the childhood friend of Cloud Strife and a Cetra, the sister of Sephiroth (who originally looked more like Vincent). Eventually, the idea to kill off one of the main characters was introduced, and the role of the heroine was split in two: the Cetra, Aerith, and the childhood friend, Tifa. There is some evidence of the original concept still present in the series; Tifa’s iconic red eyes match Vincent’s, because originally, the two characters were designed to be siblings before eventually going to separate roles.

Based on this evidence, it would seem logical that both Aerith and Tifa retained their dualities with Sephiroth. And, indeed, even in the final product, both characters provide a foil for Sephiroth to balance the scales.

To exemplify the dynamic that Cloud, Tifa, Aerith, and Sephiroth have with one another, I’ve drawn a (crude) spectrum:

Obviously, Aerith and Tifa play different roles and have different importance to the story. Aerith’s role is more “big picture”, so to speak. She is responsible for the Planet and for protecting it from Sephiroth after discovering his plans to destroy it. Tifa’s role is more fine-tuned and detailed. She is the rock and the only stable element of the Nibelheim story, a key part of Cloud, Zack, and Sephiroth’s backstories. To understand how each of them foils Sephiroth, we have to look at them individually and analyze how they interact with both Sephiroth and Cloud.

Part I: Aerith as Sephiroth’s Foil

As stated above, Aerith’s role as foil is a little more obvious. Sephiroth and Aerith are both “Cetra”--or, at the very least, they both claim to be. For Sephiroth, his identity as a Cetra is tied to his belief that Jenova, his “mother”, was a Cetra who was betrayed by humanity when humans left the traditional Cetra nomadic lifestyle in order to colonize the land and the Planet.

However, Jenova was not a Cetra at all--she was actually a “calamity from the skies” that crashed down and created the Northern Crater two thousand years before the events of FF7. After encountering the Cetra, the creature known as Jenova began infecting and killing the Cetra one by one. These killings only stopped when the Cetra banded together to seal Jenova in the Northern Crater; but, by the time it was done, the Cetra were dying off.

So how did Jenova become known as a Cetra? That seems like more than a clerical error to me. It was actually Aerith’s father, Professor Gast, who uncovered Jenova from the Northern Crater and mistakenly identified her as a Cetra. The Shinra Corporation, desperate to find the Cetra’s “Promised Land” thinking that it would be rich in Mako energy, enlisted the professor to find a way to create a Cetra from a human specimen. Using the cells extracted from Jenova, Sephiroth was created, and after reading Shinra’s archives, he discovered his relationship to Jenova and embraced his identity as “Cetra”.

Aerith, on the other hand, really is a Cetra. Her mother, Ifalna, was the last Cetra--making Aerith, by relation, half-Cetra. Her connection to the Cetra race is real, unlike Sephiroth’s.

This give her declaration in the final chapter of FF7 Remake all the more important:

There’s a duality between Aerith and Sephiroth in truth versus lies. Aerith’s heritage as a Cetra is founded in truth. She is connected to the Planet in a way that is real. She is a Cetra, in covenant with the Planet to protect it that was passed down to her by her mother. In contrast, Sephiroth’s claims to be a Cetra are lies--whether he’s aware of it or not. Jenova, Sephiroth’s “mother”, is not a Cetra. She is not even from the Planet, but rather from somewhere beyond it. Jenova acted as a parasite of the Planet and is actually responsible for sending it into chaos and draining it of its life. He has no real obligation to protect the Planet, and he is not truly connected to it the way that Aerith is.

Aerith and Sephiroth also represent the original duality between the Cetra and Jenova, with both parties continuing to be at odds with one another even two thousand years later.

Tying in a more overarching FF7 theme, Aerith and Sephiroth also personify the duality of life and death, respectively. With Aerith, her “domain” of sorts, the Sector 5 church, is bursting with life. It is the only place in Midgar where flowers will grow. Even gameplay-wise, she is a healer, and is constantly giving life to other characters in the party. Sephiroth, on the other hand, only destroys. He set fire to Nibelheim and killed the townspeople, including Cloud’s mother and Tifa’s father. Cloud even notes his strength while recounting his version of the events in Nibelheim.

Cloud: “Sephiroth's strength is unreal. He is far stronger in reality than any story you might have heard about him.”

Therefore, Aerith and Sephiroth represent two different dualities: life versus death, and truth versus lies.

Part II: Tifa as Sephiroth’s Foil

Tifa’s role as foil to Sephiroth is more understated but nevertheless important, especially in the latter half of the story. Tifa, Cloud, and Sephiroth are the only survivors of the Nibelheim incident, wherein Sephiroth burned the town of Nibelheim to the ground and killed the townspeople after discovering his “Cetra” heritage. However, Cloud’s memories are clouded due to his trauma and the Mako poisoning he endured during the five-year gap between the Nibelheim incident and the start of FF7; and Sephiroth purposefully twists the truth in order to weaken Cloud’s already-fragile mental state. Therefore, the only one who can decipher what’s true and what’s not is Tifa.

Like Aerith, Tifa also represents the truth, while Sephiroth represents lies and deceit. This is very evident in this scene that takes place in the Northern Crater, and again in a scene during Tifa’s journey into Cloud’s mind. In the Northern Crater, Sephiroth tries to convince Cloud that he was never real, and that all of his childhood memories, even the ones he shared with Tifa, were fabricated.

Sephiroth: “You are just a puppet... You have no heart... and cannot feel any pain... How can there be any meaning in the memory of such a being? What I have shown you is reality. What you remember, that is the illusion. [...] Five years ago you were... constructed by Hojo, piece by piece, right after Nibelheim was burnt. A puppet made up of vibrant Jenova cells, her knowledge, and the power of Mako. An incomplete Sephiroth-clone. Not even given a number. ...That is your reality.”

Sephiroth, at first, succeeds in convincing Cloud that he is not the “real” Cloud but rather someone who never existed, who never grew up in Nibelheim, and who clung on to fake memories as a means to cope with that fact. However, later in the Lifestream, Tifa expresses a different sentiment:

Tifa: “Sephiroth once said... Cloud made up his memories by listening to my stories... Did you imagine this sky? No, you remembered it. That night the stars were gorgeous. It was just Cloud and I. We talked at the well... That's why I continued to believe that you were the real Cloud. I still believe you're the Cloud from Nibelheim...”

By reminding Cloud of a memory they both share--a true memory--she is able to provide a solid ground, wherein Cloud can begin to rebuild his true self after falling for Sephiroth’s deception.

Obviously, Tifa’s relationship with the truth is complicated, and she herself suffers from her own self doubt throughout the story. But in this defining moment, Tifa finally realizes without a doubt what the truth is, and together both Cloud and Tifa are able to reconstruct what really happened in Nibelheim and solve the mystery once and for all.

But this duality isn’t simply about truth versus lies. It’s also about hope versus despair. In deceiving Cloud, Sephiroth strips him of all his hope. Cloud is filled with such fundamental despair that he can’t see the truth and believe that he is indeed an experiment created by Hojo. Tifa, in contrast, provides him with hope when she affirms his memories with her own. Separately, Tifa’s resolve to continue the team’s journey without Cloud is another example of her hope in the face of Sephiroth’s despair.

The idea of hope versus despair in Sephiroth and Tifa is exemplified in Kingdom Hearts (although KH is not canonically related to FF7, I think it’s a neat little call back):

Tifa: “Cloud, you can have my light.”

In Kingdom Hearts II, Sephiroth represents Cloud’s darkness, while Tifa represents Cloud’s light. This is a similar dichotomy to truth versus lies, metaphorically, where Sephiroth is “casting shadows” on the truth, and Tifa is “shedding light” on what really happened. (Okay, sorry for the puns!)

Another duality that Tifa and Sephiroth represent is the dual meaning of reunion in the context of FF7. It’s common knowledge among FFVII fans at this point, but to everyone who’s playing for the first time or who has recently picked up the franchise and not gotten all caught up yet, Sephiroth talks a lot about “the Reunion”. Like, a lot. Sephiroth’s “reunion” is a reference to the Reunion Theory, a scientific theory posited by Professor Hojo that states that Jenova’s cells--once separated from their host, i.e. Jenova--will seek out the main body. This makes everyone who has ever been injected with Jenova’s cells essentially part of a massive Jenova hive mind, with the primary goal to eventually reunite with Jenova.

Obviously, this is a bad thing for Cloud, who was exposed to Jenova cells and is thus connected to Sephiroth.

However, Cloud and Tifa also have a reunion at the beginning of the story--a reunion between friends who haven’t seen each other in a long time. Unlike Sephiroth’s reunion, this is a positive thing. Cloud and Tifa, on multiple occasions, discuss “meeting again” and “finding each other” after so many years apart. Even after they reconstruct Cloud’s memories, he says:

Cloud: “Yeah...... Tifa...... We finally...... meet again......”

Sephiroth’s reunion with Cloud leads him astray from the path; Tifa’s reunion with Cloud sets thing right again. One reunion destroys Cloud’s perception of what’s real, and the other helps him to find the truth once again. Reunion changes meaning with Sephiroth and Tifa, and these opposing definitions of what “reunion” is make Tifa and Sephiroth perfect foils.

Part III: Final Thoughts

Part of what makes Sephiroth such a compelling villain are the striking similarities he shares with the protagonist Cloud Strife. In the original storyboard for FF7, Tifa and Aerith shared a role as the main heroine and the perfect foil for Sephiroth. But even after the role was separated into two distinct characters, the characteristics that made each one of them a foil to Sephiroth remained. For unique reasons, they balance the scales, providing an anchor of “good” to counteract the badness of the story’s main antagonist.

That’s all I have to say about it! I’ve been thinking a lot about Tifa and Aerith’s unique roles in the story as deuteragonists, or dual heroines, and how they both represent antitheses to Sephiroth. I figured I share my thoughts!

#final fantasy #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy vii remake #ff7 remake #ffvii remake #remake #tifa #aerith #sephiroth #cloud #tifa lockhart #cloud strife #aerith gainsborough #theories #mine

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aj28gaming · 3 years

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Nagito's diagnosis?

Okay hear me out, what if the only mental illness Nagito has is extreme paranoia or Nagito is just really paranoid about death?

Now listen

Listen

I get that this is gonna be laughed at a lot and probably treated as a joke

but hear me out

So, regarding Nagito's dementia, I already made these posts https://aj28gaming.tumblr.com/post/650577508025155585/danganronpa-messing-up-nagitos-character-cuz

https://aj28gaming.tumblr.com/post/650633399392944128/nagitos-dementia-and-misuse-of-information

But to be sure, I basically explain how and why Nagito has almost none of the symptoms of Frontotemporal Dementia, he might still have it tho, just not the symptoms

But think about this, the only time Nagito has actually acted "crazy" was when the killing game starts. Before that, all we get is a paranoid, self-deprecating boy used to trauma due to his abusive luck cycle. A boy who also has flawed beliefs in the talented and untalented due to the society of Danganronpa. A boy who fears murder and the death of others more than most.

Now, remember, he only gets crazy (I AM ONLY GONNA TALK ABOUT SDR2 BECAUSE THE LATER ITERATIONS AND GAMES AND ANIME ADAPTATIONS THAT PORTRAY NAGITO PORTRAY HIM INCREDIBLY WRONG) when the killing game starts

A killing game

A game of murder and death

And what does Nagito fear the most throughout the first chapter of SDR2 and throughout Island mode? What does he keep making sure doesn't happen? What does he keep asking Usami about while being extremely scared and paranoid about it?

WHAT DOES NAGITO FEAR THE MOST?

MURDER

HE HATES MURDER

HE CONSTANTLY TRIES TO GET HIMSELF DEAD OR KILLED TO ENSURE NO ONE ELSE DIES

Now imagine having a person who hates murder, who fears the possibility of death surrounding him and is constantly paranoid about it

Now put that person in a killing game, you know, A GAME FULL OF MURDER AND DEATH

So you get someone who fears having death and murder around him, and you put him in a place that is full of that, a killing game

YOU GET THIS

THIS

THIS (also keep in mind, NAGITO SAID IN ISLAND HE LAUGHS WHEN HE GETS SURPRISED, NOT BECAUSE HE IS HAPPY OR HAVING FUN)

See the pattern now

If you trap someone in a place full of everything they hate and fear for their entire life

They go crazy

Now remember the links I sent at the start? In them, I explain how his extreme paranoia causes a lot of his actions to happen

One, his coping mechanism

His coping mechanism is hope

He is constantly in denial about his mental state, about the people dying around him

Not saying he doesn't believe people are dying, I mean he struggles to accept that people around him are dying

He needs to find a reason for all of this despair

For why everyone has to experience despair

Nagito is a person who finds reason for everything, basically constantly tries to find order in his chaotic world

Makes sense since literally and figuratively due to his luck cycle, Nagito lacks control in his chaotic and traumatizing life

So he tries to find a reason for everything despairful that happens to him

Basically, "There has to be a reason for my suffering, right? RIGHT?"

So what does he do? He clings to hope

HOPE /hōp/

noun 1. a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. "he looked through her belongings in the hope of coming across some information" Similar: aspiration, desire, wish, expectation, ambition, aim, plan, dream, daydream, pipe dream, longing, yearning, craving, hankering 2. a feeling of trust. "our private friendship, upon hope and affiance whereof, I presume to be your petitioner" verb want something to happen or be the case.

KEEP THOSE DEFINITIONS IN MIND, TRUST ME WHEN I SAY NAGITO IS TALKING ABOUT THE ACTUAL MEANING OF HOPE, NOT SOME SUPERFICIAL VERSION HE CREATED HIMSELF

So this makes sense right? A person is in a stressful situation which is basically their personal hell, so they cling to hope

Literally

And we get this a lot of the time in real life and in tv shows and movies where people in stressful times cling to hope

So it really isn't a surprise that Nagito does this

So, Nagito isn't worshipping Hope like it's a god, he is clinging to an ideology. He is clinging to positivity, a bright light amidst all the darkness

He is quite literally clinging to hope in a despairful situation, which a lot of people do and most likely the same with you and me.

And again, no, his views on hope aren't due to his own personal opinion of what hope is. The hope he believes in is the literal definition of hope.

Hope as in light amidst all the darkness

He truly does have heroic and good intentions and truly does understand the hopes and despairs of others

He knew Teruteru wanted to continue the culinary legacy and help his mom, that's his hope

He knew Imposter would want to protect everyone no matter what, that's his hope

He knew Mikan killed for Despair, that despair being Junko Enoshima

He knew Fuyuhiko's hope is Peko and that both of them care about each other very much

He knew how similar he and Hajime are and how they are both bystanders and lovers of Hope, for Hajime that Hope being Hope's Peak academy itself and/or having talent

That's why he wants to help everyone's hope. He doesn't want them to escape to "spread their hope to the world," he wants to help them because that is generally everyone's hope in the killing game, to escape and end the killing game. That's why he is also fine with helping the blackened because if he knows all the blackened wants to do is escape

All Nagito wants is for him to be the victim instead of anyone else so no one else has to die if someone must commit murder.

And tbh Nagito has only done 2 things,

One was when he orchestrated his own death so no one else dies during the first trial, but this fails due to his luck cycle

He knew someone would die eventually, and if he didn't do this then either Teruteru would've still murdered someone else or Fuyuhiko would've murdered Mahiru with Peko like in trial 2 due to the next motive

Someone would've died regardless, Nagito just wanted to be the victim to save everyone else. And he needed to make sure only HE BECOMES THE VICTIM which is why he orchestrated it

But alas, his luck screwed it up and Byakuya dies instead.

Second thing Nagito did was try to get everyone killed when he found out everyone were a bunch of terrorists and remnants of despairs. Do I seriously need to explain why anyone would've done this? Especially someone as paranoid as Nagito?

Hell, Hajime almost did way worse because he almost did the complete opposite, he almost pressed graduate so Junko can take over the dead bodies of their classmates and spread despair AGAIN

HOW THE HELL IS NAGITO WORSE THAN THE OTHERS?

HAJIME ALMOST CAUSED DESPAIR ONTO THE ENTIRE WORLD AGAIN AND EVERY OTHER MURDERER MURDERED FOR THEIR OWN SELFISH MOTIVES LIKE TO ESCAPE OR GET REVENGE

NAGITO SERIOUSLY JUST WANTED TO BE THE VICTIM SO NO ONE ELSE DIES AND WANTS TO ELIMINATE DESPAIR

HOW THE HELL IS HE THE CRAZY ONE?

So now I explained how Nagito's paranoia of murder caused him to have a desperate belief in Hope as a coping mechanism in a very despairful situation

Now let's see how extreme his way of coping became. Seeing that he is in his actual personal hell, I would expect it to be pretty extreme.

And it is, a lot of the time.

Even to the point that he uses it to explain the deaths of his classmates and how to cope

Knowing Nagito, he has a habit of trying to find a reason for everything, like a prophecy or reason for his despair like I said before

And how exactly does he do that with the dead bodies of his classmates? He goes and treats them like stepping stones for hope

Basically saying, "Yes, our classmates are dead. But we shouldn't give up, because these deaths, this despair, it's all a stepping stone for an upcoming hope. A future good ending waiting to come, RIGHT?"

I added the right at the end because throughout the game, Nagito doesn't really seem like he only believes in hope. It's almost like he desperately needs and clings to hope.

So no matter what, he has to believe in hope

Because then, what is there left of him to believe in

He is trapped in his personal hell, forced to see classmates getting killed left and right, already experiences and fears the possibility of death and trauma on his normal day to day life, and what's worse is he constantly blames himself due to his luck cycle

He clings to hope, the possibility of a good ending happening in the end

Because what else can he believe in, what else can he live for at this point?

You seriously don't need dementia to explain his actions

All you need to do is remember that all of them are in a killing game

So of course people will go crazy

And knowing Nagito and how paranoid he gets, no wonder he reacts way worse

Nagito isn't crazy, he isn't a lunatic. He is just a paranoid kid who hates and fears murder and despair more than anyone else but is constantly forced to witness it and be subjected to it due to his luck cycle

And to be honest, anyone would've reacted the same way he does, and Hajime is proof of that

Also stop calling him the Joker wtf

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agent-cupcake · 3 years

Note

i’m interested to know your take on non-AM felix. ever since i read “epitaph,” it’s kind of made me fall down a rabbit hole of reading his character analyses from different routes, and i find it quite scary that i didn’t really consider how much of his characterization changes in such a negative way (to quote something i saw on reddit, he “failed to become a better person,” “was swallowed up by his own demons,” and “literally becomes a boar, mirroring dimitri” THAT AND i haven’t played anything besides azure moon LOL). also? it’s kind of even inspired me to possibly brainstorm something for a CF!felix/reader where the reader is with him every step of the way when byleth recruits both felix and you, and it turns into some “i can save him” type shit as you watch him spiral downwards because i’m still a sucker for cliche stuff like that!!!! thx

Non-Azure Moon Felix is a tragedy. The comment, “literally becomes a boar, mirroring Dimitri” is absolutely the sum of my opinion on what happens to him.

Hot take: Felix has a primary character personality and arc and should be integrated into the Azure Moon story but cannot be by the nature of the game which is a huge and tragic missed opportunity. Felix’s character and story importance to Azure Moon is not insignificant. He is the one who sets the tension about Dimitri initially and acts as the constant “moral” rebuff to Dimitri’s actions, the only one willing to call Dimitri out for his behavior. I’d say that his story role is far more worthwhile than Gustave’s in many ways. It’s a shame that he and Dimitri didn’t interact more after Rodrigue’s death. In general, I feel the story dropped off significantly at that point, and Felix clearly suffers for it. However, what is clear is that Dimitri’s recovery is similarly a turning point for Felix getting closure. Not because of Dimitri himself, not exclusively, but what his recovery represents for the team, for Faerghus, and the ideals that Felix has violently rejected for so long. Dimitri shaking off the ghosts, reclaiming the throne, and leading the team to victory is the validation of Felix’s actions and the patriotism he’s doubted so much. It allows him to come to terms with the dead himself. Not through rejection, but by accepting Glenn and Rodrigue’s legacy as his own. When he does that, he’s able to forge a path to a brighter future, find his own family, and, more importantly, something to live for other than the pursuit of strength. He accepts that people are more important than strength and that it’s okay to care. In Azure Moon, all of Felix’s endings have him staying with his paired partner and keeping a close and loving relationship with them.

In Azure Moon, we see the Felix who overcame his internal demons and accepted himself as he is, a caring and emotional person with an awful lot of baggage. This is a Felix who decided it was okay to love and be loved, who respects the sacrifices of the dead rather than scorning them for their foolishness. This is a Felix who is shown that he matters as an individual in his entirety. This is the Felix who no longer views ideals as inherently wrong, but is able to form a middle ground in order to understand the people he loves. He even accepts some of them, notably seen in how he stays and serves Dimitri while repairing Fraldarius territory in most of his endings, proving his loyalty. Not empty loyalty to the crown, but to a man he’s worked to understand. In summation, this is a Felix who overcame his trauma.

If Felix chooses to leave the Kingdom, he is submitting himself to the painful path he put himself on after Glenn’s death. A path of rejecting his family, friends, and country. In short, rejecting himself as he is in favor of the man he believes he should be, a man who is strong and unyielding and does not compromise for the sake of ideals or allow himself to be unnecessarily sentimental. Felix abandoning the Kingdom is the ultimate showcase of his destructive dogma: strength above all. By taking part in the war against the Kingdom, Felix is proving to himself that unwavering and absolute might is more valuable than relationships, loyalty, and family. Not only is it more valuable, but it is also the only thing that is actually effective. By switching sides and figuratively killing the sensitive, childish side of himself, Felix is brought to understand that it’s all meaningless. Hopes and dreams and ideals and everything else is impotent in the face of military might, to feel those things in the first place was a display of weakness. Glenn truly died for nothing, there is no such thing as a true knight, no reason to waste your life for a cause which surely won’t reward you. Rodrigue believed in such foolish values, chivalry and loyalty, and he dies like the old fool Felix accused him of being. Everything Dimitri felt and thought and believed meant nothing because he died, too. As a beast, no less, validating everything Felix ever hated and was terrified of about a person he once adored. He never gets closure with Dimitri, never is able to come to terms with what happened to him.

And through all of this rejection of self, Felix proves to himself that he is not valuable as an individual. The only aspect of himself that is worth anything is his strength, that is his singular point of individuality. There is no reason to form strong emotional relationships, no reason to serve anybody or anything. He roams around without purpose, killing because that’s all he really knows. Some of his endings seem to portray him as happier, or at least give a more hopeful outlook about his life, but I think that’s more of a broken man making the most out of his life. Not because he’s actually moved on or dealt with his trauma, but because he’s got nothing else. Although, I have to point out that it’s also obviously because we have to have nice ship bait in the endings because God forbid a mostly serious game about war forgets to pander and not give the drooling masses a happy ending. Not to say that I’d prefer he suffer his entire life, but it definitely cheapens the experience when his potential happiness has no context other than a single line. That said, his non-Azure Moon solo ending as well as the ones with Dorothea and Sylvain are the ones I feel work the best.

To tie this all up, let’s jump back to something I mentioned above as well as an aspect of “Epitaph” I really tried to highlight, Felix’s lack of closure with Dimitri is what ultimately ruins him. Dimitri is the most important turning point of his recovery in Azure Moon, so it makes sense that his death would have the opposite effect by changing him into an isolated, bitter person who kills without remorse and represses his emotions, even running from them. Felix becomes haunted by his actions and betrayal and by the constant question of why it wound up like this, all the while hating himself for feeling this way because he knows such questions are pointless. It’s a feedback loop of self hatred and violence because he knows nothing else, because he has nothing else. No place to go, nowhere to belong. The fear he expressed about what would become of him when there were no longer any battles to be fought is validated and he’s left hollow.

So, those are my thoughts on Felix. With that fic… Are you proposing an angst-ridden tragedy of trying to save Felix from himself only to realize it’s like blowing into a hurricane and falling further and further into the despair of watching sweet, beloved Felix succumb to his worst self? Because… yum…. I’m on board.

#immaeterial #felix hugo fraldarius #fe felix #fe3h #fire emblem three houses #headcanons

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faraway-wanderer · 3 years

Text

BOOKS BY ASIAN AUTHORS MASTERLIST #stopasianhate

In light of recent events and the growing anti- Asian hate in the US and UK over the course of the pandemic I wanted to put together a masterlist of books by Asian authors. Obviously, it’s not extensive and there are HUNDREDS out there, but supporting art by Asian creators is a way of showing support; read their stories, educate ourselves. It goes without saying that we should all be putting effort into reading stories of POC and by POC because even through fiction we’re learning about different cultures, countries and heritages. So here’s some books to start with by Asian authors!

Here is a link also for resources to educate and petitions to sign (especially if you don’t read haha). It’s important that we educate ourselves and uplift Asian voices right now. Your anti-racism has to include every minority that faces it.

https://anti-asianviolenceresources.carrd.co/

for UK peeps, this is a good read: We may not hear about the anti Asian racism happening here, but it is definitely happening. https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/culture/culture-news/a35692226/its-time-we-stopped-downplaying-the-uks-anti-asian-racism/

THE BOOKS:

· War Cross- Marie Lu ( the worldbuilding in this is IMMENSE.)

For the millions who log in every day, Warcross isn’t just a game—it’s a way of life. The obsession started ten years ago and its fan base now spans the globe, some eager to escape from reality and others hoping to make a profit.

· Star Daughter- Shveta Thakrar

A beautiful story about a girl who is half human and half star, and she must go to the celestial court to try to save her father after he has fallen ill. And before she knows it, she is taking part in a magical competition that she must win!

· These Violent Delights- Chloe Gong (I told my little sister to read this book yesterday bc she has a thing for a Leo as Romeo- so if you want deadly good looking Romeos, badass Juliet’s and to learn about 1920s Shanghai- this is for you.)

The year is 1926, and Shanghai hums to the tune of debauchery. A blood feud between two gangs runs the streets red, leaving the city helpless in the grip of chaos. A Romeo and Juliet retelling.

· The Poppy War- R.F Kuang (My fave fantasy series just fyi- it’s soul crushing in the best way. Rebecca Kuang is a god of an author).

A brilliantly imaginative talent makes her exciting debut with this epic historical military fantasy, inspired by the bloody history of China’s twentieth century and filled with treachery and magic, in the tradition of Ken Liu’s Grace of Kings and N.K. Jemisin’s Inheritance Trilogy.

· Loveboat Taipei- Abigail Hing Wen (Really heartwarming and insightful!)

When eighteen-year-old Ever Wong’s parents send her from Ohio to Taiwan to study Mandarin for the summer, she finds herself thrust among the very over-achieving kids her parents have always wanted her to be, including Rick Woo, the Yale-bound prodigy profiled in the Chinese newspapers since they were nine—and her parents’ yardstick for her never-measuring-up life.

· Sorcerer to the Crown- Zen Cho (if anyone is looking for another Howl’s Moving Castle, look no further than this book)

At his wit’s end, Zacharias Wythe, freed slave, eminently proficient magician, and Sorcerer Royal of the Unnatural Philosophers—one of the most respected organizations throughout all of Britain—ventures to the border of Fairyland to discover why England’s magical stocks are drying up.

· Emergency Contact- Mary H.K. Choi (very wholesome and fun rom-com!)

For Penny Lee high school was a total nonevent. When she heads to college in Austin, Texas, to learn how to become a writer, it’s seventy-nine miles and a zillion light years away from everything she can’t wait to leave behind.

· Jade City- Fonda Lee (I am reading this currently and can I just say- I think everyone who loves fantasy and blood feuds in a story should read this.)

JADE CITY is a gripping Godfather-esque saga of intergenerational blood feuds, vicious politics, magic, and kungfu. The Kaul family is one of two crime syndicates that control the island of Kekon. It's the only place in the world that produces rare magical jade, which grants those with the right training and heritage superhuman abilities.

· A Pho Love Story- Loan Le

When Dimple Met Rishi meets Ugly Delicious in this funny, smart romantic comedy, in which two Vietnamese-American teens fall in love and must navigate their newfound relationship amid their families’ age-old feud about their competing, neighbouring restaurants.

· Rebelwing- Andrea Tang

Business is booming for Prudence Wu. A black-market-media smuggler and scholarship student at the prestigious New Columbia Preparatory Academy, Pru is lucky to live in the Barricade Coalition where she is free to study, read, watch, and listen to whatever she wants.

· Wings of the Locust- Joel Donato Ching Jacob

Tuan escapes his mundane and mediocre existence when he is apprenticed to Muhen, a charming barangay wiseman. But, as he delves deeper into the craft of a mambabarang and its applications in espionage, sabotage and assassination, the young apprentice is overcome by conflicting emotions that cause him to question his new life.

· The Travelling Cat Chronicles- Hiro Arikawa

Sometimes you have to leave behind everything you know to find the place you truly belong...

Nana the cat is on a road trip. He is not sure where he's going or why, but it means that he gets to sit in the front seat of a silver van with his beloved owner, Satoru.

· Super Fake Love Song- David Yoon

From the bestselling author of Frankly in Love comes a contemporary YA rom-com where a case of mistaken identity kicks off a string of (fake) events that just may lead to (real) love.

· Parachutes- Kelly Yang

Speak enters the world of Gossip Girl in this modern immigrant story from New York Times bestselling author Kelly Yang about two girls navigating wealth, power, friendship, and trauma.

· The Grace of Kings- Ken Liu ( One of the Time 100 Best Fantasy Books Of All Time!)

Two men rebel together against tyranny—and then become rivals—in this first sweeping book of an epic fantasy series from Ken Liu, recipient of Hugo, Nebula, and World Fantasy awards.

· Wicked Fox- Kat Cho

A fresh and addictive fantasy-romance set in modern-day Seoul.

· Descendant of the Crane- Joan He

In this shimmering Chinese-inspired fantasy, debut author Joan He introduces a determined and vulnerable young heroine struggling to do right in a world brimming with deception.

· Pachinko- Min Jin Lee

Richly told and profoundly moving, Pachinko is a story of love, sacrifice, ambition, and loyalty. From bustling street markets to the halls of Japan's finest universities to the pachinko parlors of the criminal underworld, Lee's complex and passionate characters--strong, stubborn women, devoted sisters and sons, fathers shaken by moral crisis--survive and thrive against the indifferent arc of history.

· America is in the Heart- Carlos Bulosan

First published in 1946, this autobiography of the well known Filipino poet describes his boyhood in the Philippines, his voyage to America, and his years of hardship and despair as an itinerant laborer following the harvest trail in the rural West.

· Days of Distraction- Alexandra Chang

A wry, tender portrait of a young woman — finally free to decide her own path, but unsure if she knows herself well enough to choose wisely—from a captivating new literary voice.

· The Astonishing Colour of After Emily X.R Pan

Alternating between real and magic, past and present, friendship and romance, hope and despair, The Astonishing Color of After is a novel about finding oneself through family history, art, grief, and love.

· The Gilded Wolves- Roshani Chokshi

It's 1889. The city is on the cusp of industry and power, and the Exposition Universelle has breathed new life into the streets and dredged up ancient secrets. Here, no one keeps tabs on dark truths better than treasure-hunter and wealthy hotelier Séverin Montagnet-Alarie. When the elite, ever-powerful Order of Babel coerces him to help them on a mission, Séverin is offered a treasure that he never imagined: his true inheritance.

· When Dimple met Rishi- Sandhya Menon

Dimple and Rishi may think they have each other figured out. But when opposites clash, love works hard to prove itself in the most unexpected ways.

· On Earth we’re briefly Gorgeous- Ocean Vuong

Poet Ocean Vuong's debut novel is a shattering portrait of a family, a first love, and the redemptive power of storytelling.

· Fierce Fairytales- Nikita Gill

Complete with beautifully hand-drawn illustrations by Gill herself, Fierce Fairytales is an empowering collection of poems and stories for a new generation.

BOOKS BEING RELEASED LATER THIS YEAR TO PREORDER:

· Counting down with you- Tashie Bhuiyan- 4th May

A reserved Bangladeshi teenager has twenty-eight days to make the biggest decision of her life after agreeing to fake date her school’s resident bad boy.

How do you make one month last a lifetime?

· Gearbreakers- Zoe Hana Mikuta- June 29th

Two girls on opposite sides of a war discover they're fighting for a common purpose--and falling for each other--in Zoe Hana Mikuta's high-octane debut Gearbreakers, perfect for fans of Pacific Rim, Pierce Brown's Red Rising Saga, and Marie Lu's Legend series

· XOXO- Axie Oh- 13th July

When a relationship means throwing Jenny’s life off the path she’s spent years mapping out, she’ll have to decide once and for all just how much she’s willing to risk for love.

· She who became the sun- Shelley Parker-Chan- 20th July

Mulan meets The Song of Achilles in Shelley Parker-Chan's She Who Became the Sun, a bold, queer, and lyrical reimagining of the rise of the founding emperor of the Ming Dynasty from an amazing new voice in literary fantasy.

· Jade Fire Gold- June C.L Tan- October 12th

Keep sharing, signing petitions and donating where you can. The more people who are actively anti-racist, the better. And if your anti-racism doesn’t include the Asian community then go and educate yourself! BLM wasn’t a trend and neither is this. We have to stand up against white supremacy, and racism and stereotypes and we have to support the communities that need our support. Part of that can include cultivating your reading so you’re reading more diversely and challenging any stereotypes western society may have given you.

Feel free to reblog and add any more recommendations and resources of course!

#stopasianhate #books by asian authors #anti racism #i'm so sickened by everything that's happening and i hope that this list does encourage people to read books by asian authors!!!#ya #poc authors #fiction #i haven't all of these yet #asian writers #asian authors #masterlist #antiasianracism

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brazenautomaton · 3 years

Note

Given that you are literally the perfect candidate for this, I request your assistance. In light of recent animu viewings, and upon stumbling across the TVTropes page for Princess the Hopeful, I was inspired to run a few sessions for my boys. However, digging back through your blog, I found a post indicating you had some fairly negative feelings on the system. As I trust your judgment, I would like your input on How To Make Princess Work, whether these suggestions are thematic and/or mechanical.

well I can't be as helpful as you would think because after a certain point the instinctive shame was too much and I can't even bear to read the current version of it so I don't know what to say "don't do this" other than "don't do anything that was Earthscorpion's idea". I asked someone to read it and summarize for me but then they just didn't do that.

and some of it was mechanical stuff you can't change, and probably the most important one was the post about nightmares as the primary environment, which I can't find now because of course I can't and now I am thinking maaaaaybe I never actually detailed it outside of PM?

the primary environment and source of low-level threat is a Nightmare, which is a little sub-reality bubble created by one person's fear and misery, operating under dream logic, where spirit creatures that are manifestations of that person's fears and flaws dwell, and the person is both the prisoner and monarch, exalted and tormented. the nightmare creatures go out into the world and hurt people and try to bring them back in, so that's the first source of monsters of the week. to put a stop to them you need to find the source, the Nightmare itself, and free whoever is trapped inside. the Nightmare reflects their fear and trauma and etc and you need to at least somewhat understand it to free the person, because you need to convince them they can and should leave. also because the nightmare creatures aren't self-aware it's a situation where starting a fight doesn't mean the end of social interaction; some challenges have to be talked through and some have to be fought and maybe you're doing both at once because the talky creatures don't notice or care you're fighting the gibbering monster creatures and you need to get past both to get to the core

yes, there's a lot of Madoka in that, but when Princess was first conceived Madoka didn't exist so it gets to catch up

higher level antagonists use and exploit these Nightmares. Princesses of Tears drive people to this point on purpose because like Kyubey harvests magical girl despair, the energy released by awakening a Nightmare is what keeps the lights on in Alhambra for a little while longer. evil warlocks use them as a source of disposable minions.

things are bad, it is a World of Darkness, because everything is tainted by Darkness. the taint of the Darkness is not Blizzard fel corruption or sinister black mind control oil -- the taint of the Darkness is fear. people do bad things because they are afraid. if an antagonist isn't cackling and unapologetically evil and clearly Okay To Kill, their actions are motivated at some basic level by fear. set them up so they can be redeemed and helped because a Princess is about fighting fear and balming misery. but also that redeeming them will take away most of their evil powers so that the group doesn't just accumulate a larger and larger posse of warlocks to stomp everything.

Dark Magical Girls should always be able to be redeemed. Ignore whatever stupid fucking subsystem EarthScorpion put into Princesses of Storms that kills them if they turn good, whether it's still the stupid organ implants or he changed it to something else. Basically anything that is a unique subsystem just for them was probably EarthScorpion's idea, he was obsessed with them for some reason

give players lots of opportunities to interact with higher-level antagonists before they are in a situation where one of them has to die, so they can get to know the antagonist better.

never imperil a character's civilian-life relationships unless they have fucked up super hard or you have given them ample, ample chances to prevent it from becoming a problem -- you cannot make it so the best idea is to cut yourself off from your friends so they won't be in danger, that's what lonely and isolated and terrified Dark Magical Girls do

the Queens are maternal figures who cannot give advice relevant to the situation on the ground (can't solve problems for you) but help you work them out yourself (they would love to do more but the dream-state they are in makes it hard to operate on anything but dream-logic)

Princesses are not evil, Queens are not evil, there is no "oh no you're so morally grey maybe you're the bad guys" because that is covered by every other WoD game. the darkness level of the game is keyed off of "how much does it matter that you're truly and righteously good guys? will that help you change things?"

this does not preclude them from getting into conflict with other forces who believe themselves to be or truly are motivated by goodness, but play up how that's a tragic thing that people who want to help the world have to fight

I also had a thing where Princesses basically gambled Belief the way Hunters gambled Willpower, to represent getting extremely emotionally invested in what you were doing and the possibility of being spiritually crushed if you try your hardest and fail. this was a way to get fucking super amped up EX modes on your Charms but not knowing how their system works I can't say how to adapt it

one other mechanical thing I wanted was "a Princess is basically invincible if she's devoting all her juice to keep herself safe, but has very little capacity to actually do anything else; the more effective you want to be at actively doing things to the world, the more you have to put yourself out there and risk being harmed" but again don't know how to integrate that into whatever mechanics they have

if I think of anything else I will let you know

#princess the hopeful

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