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#It can be done
taboo-delusion · 2 months
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So, I just discovered something interesting.
This is a bit of a long one, so bear with me. It's important. Seriously.
I just woke up a few hours ago. My meds are starting to kick in. I was having a very serious and genuine, deep conversation (in-head) and it was... beautiful. It wasn't happy, but it was beautiful. Not the point.
Point is:
I had not had a single fucking intrusive thought today until someone made a noise in the other room.
I am so fucking PISSED OFF
Why my brain refuses to realize that intrusive thoughts CAUSED the good feeling to go away, I have no fucking idea. I've known that for almost a year now, yet my stupid fucking subconscious refuses to change anything it's doing
Before I snap my fucking android phone in half and yeet somebody's face into neptune, I thought I'd share the discovery!!!!
Basically:
MY INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS DID NOT START UNTIL SOMETHING STARTLED ME OUT OF FOCUS
AS I TYPE THIS, I REALIZE THAT INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS -AT LEAST FOR ADHDERS- ARE A SURVIVAL TACTIC.
Elaborating:
When you fall asleep and your heart slows too much, your body does the falling thing to make sure you're still alive.
It's not that intrusive thoughts are *Just* because your brain gets too quiet, It's because your life has never been completely quite before, or -like me- the few times it is quiet, something interrupts. And even if it doesn't piss you off, even if you don't jump like I do, your brain still registers it as not safe.
--
Falling asleep, heart slows a lot-
Body: *Sends adrenaline just to make sure it still actually works.*
Drowning, even mostly unconscious-
Body and brain: *Hold onto that last half-breath even if it feels like you're head is going to explode.*
Going grocery shopping or talking to someone you think is cool-
Brain: *Remembers what it felt like the first time your guardian was indifferent or mean about something that made you happy or calm.*
Things around you actually get quiet-
Brain *Sends a thought you hate just to make sure you're prepared for a sudden problem.*
TDLR 1: Your brain isn't mean on purpose, It's just paranoid and still has a will to live.
Listen. I know I'm just some random dude from a weird blog. But I'm trying to translate, to assist. Maybe somebody else needs this realization as much as I do. I apologize for the yelling earlier. I'm still just as upset, but only at my dumbass subconscious. Now some time has passed, and I have regained self-control.
(I also apologize for the above paragraph, my brain nags for me to do this, but I can't remember why. So:)
I am no psychologist. Here are my qualifications (why you should listen to me):
As my friends call it- "Disturbingly self-aware at all times."
Paranoid Schizophrenic with actual (unrelated) OCD, with years of experience dealing with it- more healthily in recent years.
Philosophy and deep thinking is simply my default. I use metaphors, but everything in this post is entirely literal, ...except the angry threat. (*begrudgingly accepts disappointment*)
I am a fiction writer. I don't know about healing people/first aid, but I know a LOT about how anatomy works, with many deep-dives on the psychology/evolution side.
People irl generally consider me a genius? Idk how to gauge that, IQ tests are irrelevant with this type of... smart?. I've been compared to both Da Vinci and Einstein. So, ...actually that's pretty fuckin' cool- (I AM NOT TRYING TO BRAG! I APOLOGIZE IF IT COMES OFF THAT WAY! I've never put it all down like this, and I'm just surprised and questioning my reputation.)
(Also, I love playing detective, so naturally I call myself Batman XD.)
Autistic; I experience the world, and every situation, from a view without any context.
ADHD: My brain automatically -As a guardian I hate describes- "Can watch three different movies at the same time, all in fast forward, and can keep up with all of them." ... Well, yes, but technically no. Idk if other ADHD people do this, but my brain "connects the dots" so quickly, I end up laughing at jokes I've never heard before the 'punchline', because I've already figured out what you're going to say next.
Now combine all that. I am kicking depression's ass and now I want to help you do the same.
I have only mentioned the relevant things. Please keep in mind that ALL of these have both advantages and disasters. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I am running on four hours of sleep. For the love of whatever, I hope this actually helps someone other than me.
Qualifications are noted because: This is all stuff (and stuff like this) that I am just always casually aware of.
TLDR2: Even if I wasn't trying to help people feel better, Apparently I was born with a nat 20 perception/insight check, so please don't argue that I truly understand what I'm talking about here.
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shelfperson · 1 year
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aight, look, if they make mike and vanessa a thing in the movie i won't be too mad. IF. AND ONLY IF. they inject those fuckers with so much collective mental illness the sun explodes. i want through-the-roof bisexuality. NAY, homosexuality. she has to be evil. btw. as a treat. to me.
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ivan-fyodorovich-k · 7 months
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people will get on this website and post shit like "in my native language we don't say 'hello' to people we literally tell them that we want them to have a good day. I just think that's so beautiful. There is no equivalent in English."
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theoddsideofme · 1 year
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Every so often, I think about these two and then mentally shake my fists at the sky about how we were ROBBED. DAYLIGHT ROBBERY. I still can’t believe it. Man, f-k Fox for that 😤😭
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ashenmind · 6 months
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tengu fortress
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the-way-astray · 3 months
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this series is never gonna end, but in my humble opinion, the series ending is not synonymous with the fandom dying. like. yeah, during these hiatus years we're all just sitting here chilling waiting for the next book, but that doesn't mean people can't keep making fandom content after the series is over. like. this is keepblr. there's more cursed shit on here then there ever was anything else. you can keep making cursed content even after the series finishes. not saying the series ending won't put a tiny bit of a damper on the fandom, but y'all will find a way to pull through. trust.
the series ending is not the same as the fandom dying.
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vladdocs · 10 months
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How it feels to read a banger article about Vlad and see them using Corpus Draculianum as a source:
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motheringbird · 9 days
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Give me any Noah Kahan song and I’ll somehow connect it to A Good Girl’s Guide To Murder. Trust me, I can do it.
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ovaruling · 1 year
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we’re still working on the finer points of the etiquette of cuddling (no biting or scratching the hand that loves you sosososo much) but former feral Tommy’s first forays into couch time have been so good. we’ve watched 4 movies together over 2 days. he liked The Bad Seed (1956) the most bc he sat up at stared at the tv when the little girl rhoda was talking abt the murders she committed and i think he liked how animated her speech got
once again, never met any cat more desperate for human touch and warmth. his first time on the couch w me and he was already obsessed w getting into my lap to snuggle as close as could be bodily possible. then he sank into purring and biscuit-making, as if he’d been doing this kind of thing forever. you’d never guess he had such a rough and violent life. a year ago i couldn’t get within 10 feet of him without being mauled
btw, discovered that he twitches when in deep sleep. i wonder what he dreams about
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tashi-kitsune · 2 months
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OMG I have 3 weeks until graduation! I can't even believe it. It's been a long 3 years. But gonna graduate with an associates in applied science and be able to take the Vet Tech National Exam.
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ineffable-writer · 1 year
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Hot take ban advertising
All advertising
You get the sign on your door, word of mouth, and maybe a slot in a phone-book-style catalog where people can look you up if they like and that’s IT
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mermaidgirl30 · 3 months
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Trying to hold myself accountable, so maybe writing it down will solidify it. I’m so close to finishing some chapters up, so next week you might be seeing my new Joel one shot, the next Love Amidst the Blue chapter, and the next Moulin Rouge chapter. Keep those fingers crossed!
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gayofthefae · 1 year
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Hot take: I love that relationships like Lucas and Max, Mike and Will, Mike and El, Nancy and Jonathan, etc. are making mistakes and having relationship problems. Otherwise, they’re just people with common interests and shared trauma - and shared trauma can feel like a stronger basis but it’s not. It’s more vulnerable and closer for sure but not inherently sturdier longterm. Not growing beyond just common interests and possibly shared trauma is how a lot of childhood friends to lovers/high school sweethearts DON’T stay together (as seen in Astronomy by Conan Gray). So I’m really happy that we get to see that growth onscreen because the key to longterm relationships of any kind isn’t ultimately chemistry or even necessarily closeness but rather ability to grow together (Grow As We Go by Ben Platt).
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greentrickster · 2 years
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“How do you write characters going through trauma so well?”
Experience.
“...how do you write characters healing from trauma so well?”
(puts a supportive, loving hand on shoulder) Experience.
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sordidamok · 9 months
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Cruelty is never accidental.
No one has ever slipped on a banana peel and commited rape or genocide. Cruelty is always a deliberate choice.
It is always possible to choose kindness.
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