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just-my-type-x · 1 year

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Night Outs and Nightclubs

Angst

A/N: whatever i say in this imagine is purely fictional. In no way am i targeting Brad of having this type of behaviour and in no way am i projecting his behaviour in this imagine as being real in his day-to-day lifestyle. + another A/N at the end, pls read that before u start the imagine ♥️

Synopsis: y/n is also an artist and she recently has a radio interview where she has to confront the fans' rumours about her and Brad being more than friends. Her answer makes Brad reconsider their situation and take wrong decisions.

I put the headphones on my head and wait for Chris to introduce me to our listeners. I take a deep breath and say hi to everyone listening, followed by him applauding.

"Thank you, thank you", i laugh and he moves his microphone closer to his mouth

"Welcome back to BBC Radio 1, y/n, it's so good to have you back, it's been a while."

"Thank you, Chris. I know.. It's been like two years?", i ask him and we both frown, thinking about it.

"I think so, yeah. How have you been, love?"

"We're still not going to date, mate", he bursts out laughing and i smirk at the camera that's filming us

"I didn't even get friendzoned, i got matezoned. Well, this is new for me. But seriously, how have you been, what's new? I saw you were a supporting act for The Vamps on their latest tour. How did that work out for you? Since you've been in the game for almost as much as them, how was the experience of being a supportive act? ", he asks while checking his notes for any missing questions

"I've been very well, thank you, I'm very proud of my latest music video and I'm so glad it received its deserved praise haha. Secondly, i loved supporting the boys, they're great company and I've known them for a lifetime to be honest. It felt like a very refreshing time, because I had just gotten back from my tour and i stuttered a bit before agreeing to support them, but I'm glad i made the right decision.", i smile and take a sip of my coffee

"That's so nice to hear. I will say tho that I've seen a lot of comments regarding your reason for touring with them and if you don't mind, let's clear some things up for your fans, shall we?", he asks and pins me with his eyes, asking me, in a way, if i feel comfortable doing so. I agree and take another deep breath, making sure it can't be heard in my mic. "A lot of fans said that you're involved with one of The Vamps boys and that's the reason you actually went om tour with them. Also, a lot of people had pointed out that your boyfriend hasn't been in the picture for some time. Did anything happen?"

I chuckle before answering and i bite my lip. "He hasn't been in the picture because we broke up two or three months into the greatest hits tour. It was a really tough breakup because i didn't see it coming, honestly, i just woke up one day and my relationship was over."

"Was there a certain reason for the breakup?"

"Actually, yes, and it sucks because it was based on rumours. He saw a lot of comments, tweets, posts on Instagram about Brad and I and there were people shipping us, others were speculating about what we're doing, how they think we're closer as the days go by... Apparently he thought i was cheating on him with Brad and he decided to believe some rumours, rather than believing his 2 year girlfriend.",i exhale sharply when i finish talking

"You know he wasn't the right one when you see him do something dumb like this. No offence tho.", Chris chuckles and i smile. "Was there anything in particular that made things believe that?"

"Oh my Gosh, Chris, not you too.", we laugh and i take another sip of my coffee. "No, i would never date Brad. We work together way too much, we have the same management, record label, it'll be way too complicated. What people don't know it's that we wouldn't be allowed to work this much together afterwards and it would be a pity."

"There you have it folks. You heard it here first. This is BBC Radio 1 and we'll be back in 2".

We take our headphones off and take a quick break.

~~~~

I enter Tristan's apartment and throw my bag on the sofa and take off my shoes. I don't live in London, so whenever i have press interviews or radios to attend to, Tristan offered to let me stay with him for those few days. We've always been really close and helped each other with anything, so I'm really glad he offered to do that. I enter the kitchen and i raise an eyebrow when i see Tristan having lunch with Brad.

"Hello there", i say surprised and walk over to hug Brad.

"Hey", he says with a cold voice, but i brush it off almost immediately

"What are you doing here?"

"I have writing sessions with Olly Murs and Mabel these 2 weeks", his attention falls back on his food and i nod, giving Tristan a questioning look. He shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite of his pasta. I murmur a quick ok and head to the fridge to get a water bottle.

"You have food in that bag, we wanted it to keep warm until you got home. Oh and we're going out tonight. Are you feeling groovy?", Tris asks as he dances around me with his pasta plate in his hands. I laugh and catch him by the waist to stop moving around.

"I don't think so, i was supposed to meet up with a friend tonight. I'll see for sure later, but I'm definitely not down for a nightclub.", i chuckle and sit at the table to eat. Brad looks at me from the other end of the table with a sad look and i frown, but he gets up and puts his dishes in the sink.

Hours go by and i end up staying at home, watching tiktoks, when a friend texts me.

F: ayy, y/n, how come you never introduced me to Brad and Tristan before?

I look confused at the text

Me: no reason, why?

F: sent you a video

F: sent you 4 photos

My eyes grow wide at the screen, as my chest tightens with a weird feeling. Brad's leaning on five different girls, talking to them so close to their faces that he might as well kiss them. Unless he, of course, did, as i scroll through the photos and i see him kissing one of the girls from the previous video.

Me: they're so drunk :))

F: wtf no, they haven't drunk anything so far. They're for real having fun:))

I leave her on read as i feel some jealousy creeping in. While we were touring, after my breakup, Brad and i did get really comfortable and maybe too friendly with each other. We had a lot of fun together and we would always hang out before the show and backstage. It went on like this for about 3 months and every day i felt closer to him. But what i said in the interview was true, there were so many factors that our relationship might have messed up. Tho our management is very chill and gives us freedom to do whatever we want, we wouldn't bd able to work together on most occasions. And i know he's aware of that too. He's also the one to say this first, how their career is now at a peak it hasn't been in a while, so they don't want that to get messed up. I'm also their friend, i can't be so selfish that I'd prefer to be with Brad and mess up with their scheduling and work days.

I toss the phone to my side and almost an hour later, i hear the keys in the lock. I check the time and it's a bit past 2AM,which is weird for any of them to be home at this hour.

I wait until the door is closed and i get out of the guest's room, only to find Brad taking off his shoes, his eyes scanning my exposed legs because of the pj shorts.

"Where's Tris?", i ask, crossing my arms at my chest

"He left with someone, he'll be back in the morning", Brad manages to offer me a half smile and i almost rolled my eyes at him, but he turned his back at me to get to his room.

I follow him and i lean on the door frame and watch from behind him how he unbuttons his shirt.

"I saw you had fun tonight", a chuckle leaves his mouth, followed by a shake of his head

"Oh yeah, wild night actually. Your friend is awesome", i swallow the heavy feeling in my throat and straighten my position in the doorframe. He turns around to face me and my eyes fall on his exposed chest and abdomen.

"You had fun with my friend?", my voice is a bit more raised

"Does that bother you? She didn't seem to be", he smirks and takes off his shirt, throwing it on the bed.

"Bradley..", i warn and get closer to him. He raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue. "You were on every single girl in that club, why did you have to hook up with my friend?", i throw my hands around and he smirks

"I didn't hook up only with her, don't be so dramatic", my cheeks heat up from his words

"Brad, did you really make out with those girls?"

"Are you jealous? Does it bother you? If yes, why?", Brad sits on the bed and waits for me to answer, but i just stare at him. "Good, because since you'll never date me, i have no reason to wait for you", he gets up again and walks toward his bathroom

"Wait for me? What are you talking about? And stop showing me your back when you're talking to me!", i walk in front of him and press my pointing finger on his well defined chest

"You're a smart woman, y/n, figure it out. I need to shower, please move out of the way or i will pick you up and throw you on my bed.", Brad's eyes darken at his own words and out breathing gets heavier.

"Bradley, answer me", i hold his gaze and i feel my eyes burn in the back of my head. Hr walks closer to me and i walk backwards until i hit the bathroom door with my back, his face dangerously close to mine.

"Stop saying my name like that", he almost whispers and i put my hands on his abdomen, pushing him back a few steps

"Stop being as close to me as you were with those girls"

"So you really are jealous. Why tho? You said really clearly that you'll never date me. I moved on with my life", Brad walks away from me, putting his shirt back on, since it doesn't look like he's gonna shower soon.

"Is this about my interview this morning?", i frown at him, but he stays silent, buttoning his shirt. "What would you have wanted me to say? That I'm in love with you and that i was so glad my ex broke up with me? I've gotten so many dms and comments about you and i, i saw how people see us and how nobody wants me next to you. It was a lie so i could take the attention off us for a while in 5 months. ", i take a deep breath and he scratches the back of his head. "Why couldn't you just ask me? Talk to me? You went out and made out with all those girls for what?"

"So you're saying it's my fault i screwed up", he let's his arms fall next to his body, his palms hitting his thighs

"I wasn't the one clubbing tonight", i cross my arms at my chest and we stay in silence a few moments.

"Fuck", Brad swears and takes two big steps until he reaches me and cups my face with hid hands, crushing his lips on mine, his tongue licking my bottom lip. I give him permission and his tongue touches mine with every movement and my teeth sink in his bottom lip, pulling at it gently. His hands fall on my ass, tracing the form of my ass cheeks. I take a step forward, getting closer to him, pulling at his shirt collar and keeping him close to my body. "Fuck, y/n", he moans and i push him on the bed. He falls back and holds himself up with his elbows, watching my every move. I get on top of him and i straddle his lap, his hand forming a chokehold on my neck as he pulls me to kiss him. He falls back on the bed and i lean more on him, not breaking the kiss. Brad's other hand holds my waist and the other one frees my neck, caressing my breasts with it before moving it to my waist too.

"Is this a mistake?", i break the kiss and i ask him, heavily breathing.

"I don't care", he answers, his lips back on mine.

A/N: i couldn't fit this at the beginning bc it was too much, so, I also have to apologise for something. I wrote this over yesterday when that club video went out and over today, while i was in class, and i didn't know the entire story behind what actually happened behind the scenes of that video until now. I apologise and if the story wasn't already finished and scheduled for today, i wouldn't have posted this imagine. At first i loved how it would've been a great context, but now i know more things and i really don't want it to seem disrespectful or look like I've profited off that. Again, I'm not trying to picture Brad's behaviour as being like this in reality or that his behaviour should be taken for granted.

#brad simpson imagine #brad simpson smut #brad simpson #brad simpson x reader #bradley will simpson #brad simpson x y/n

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skepticalarrie · 2 years

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hello, I hope you are well, I want to ask you a question that may be stupid, I know that bbg is a stunt, that is, it is used for promotion but it is not entirely clear to me, the promotion that an artist needs is for the gp, how Is it useful to use the child for that? attracts attention but from its own fans not from someone else that's why I still don't understand how it works

*Sorry let me warn you before anything else that this is going to be a long answer and I completely missed the point I guess... but I just started typing like crazy and I just thought I should share all my thoughts because why the fuck not I just need to get things out of my system at this point*

Anon, remember when Louis said "cause nobody cares when you're boring"? Stunts are exactly about that, to make a fuss, to create narratives, to make people relate, to keep people interested and talking. Stunts are not exclusively used to bring new people in, it's also used to engage. People love to talk about artists' personal lives, everyone loves gossip. And if we think about it, when Harry and Louis are in a position where they can't talk about a massive part of their personal lives, they basically become the two of the most boring people on the planet. They will never be involved in rumours and gossip.... that's why there's no closeting without stunts. They need to give people something to relate to and to talk about, something to make people think they "know" them. Imagine - in a scenario where larries also don't exist - if there were no stunts over the last decade... people would know nothing about them, they wouldn't even be able to speculate about what their songs are about. And fans don't like to be left out like that, we like to know everything and feel included.

When the news broke about babygate, it was a huge scandal. It was a very fragile time for One Direction, they had a hiatus planned, Zayn had just left... so it was clearly a massive publicity push. It crossed the borders of the fandom, I remember literally seeing about it on the news. Everyone was talking about it and it really brought the attention back to the band and especially to Louis that was fading in the background, and it kept him relevant for a while. And then over the years, they just kept the narrative rolling.... the same way they do with Eleanor. It's a backstory for Louis' life, and that's how they have been using it nowadays. When there's something to promote, instead of talking exclusively about his music with *no context*, they talk about his "life", about his kid, the mini-me articles... or anything people can relate to. The pattern is very clear, promo season is when the stunts are all over the place. That is one of the main reasons why I personally think babygate keep happening - besides punishment, but this would be a whole new post.

Look at the last few months with all the fuss about the kid showing up again in Louis' life, it's pure chaos. And the controversy about the kid not being his just fan the flames even more. Nothing brings the fandom more alive than that. This could be why they're pushing babygate again after so many years, to be fair. Louis' fanbase skyrocketed over the pandemic, so maybe that's what shifted. I don't think the intention has been bringing new people in, they're targeting this to the fans. Maybe they're building a backstory with this situation for some reason... I don't know. I see a lot of people concerned and confused on why the press is not picking up the stories, about Christmas or the tweet. But I think this is actually quite reasonable, 1) because social media is much more relevant than headlines and tabloids nowadays, stunts don't work the same way now they did back in 2010. This is how things work in 2022 and with Holivia it became crystal clear that Instagram and "organic" content is much more effective now. And 2) if this is a backstory being build for some reason, everything that is happening right now will be relevant in the future and they can easily bring back "the time Louis and Freddie spent Christmas together" or whatever.

#ask #babygate 2022 #stunts #why babygate

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smallstoriesiwrite · 3 years

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The boy who learned to love

Reiner x reader modern AU!

A/N: yes i had this idea off of tik tok i don't know if anyone has done it yet here (and if they have please tag me i would love to read it!!!) But I posted my best friend to this song every time i get it because I love the bitch too much and it came to my idea what if reiner was posted to this song! so yes i'm writing this hopefully it dont turn out shitty!

Like always take care of my loves and drink water and remember to love yall selves !!!!

@lemlemss

( I suggest you play the song as soon as you see this because I timed it hopefully this goes well!)

No one Pov:

It was a peaceful day at the Braun Residency.

From Gabi and Falco laughing while playing video games with Udo and Zofia.

To The Galliard brothers getting along with Reiner and Bertolt.

Along with Annie , Peick and Y/n sitting on the couch quietly conversating.

Miss Braun was busy cooking along the side of the mothers of the growing Teenagers to Adults one last time before the dreadful day came of sending them all off to University. Knowing that would be in a couple months still broke these mothers' hearts knowing that their children weren't so little anymore.

quickly brushing her hands on the towl miss Braun made her way to the living room seeing the growing adults laughing and chatting.

softly smiling she tapped her son

“Reiner! Tell y/n to meet me upstairs real quick.'' Reiner's mother whispered to his ear.

while making her way upstairs

reiner got up from where he was sitting and made his way to y/n

“Hey Babe! my mom said she needed you upstairs.” reiner said softly

looking up you see reiner eyes soften and a small smile was seen

nodding you excuse yourself from Peick and Annie and headed upstairs

walking up stairs you see the hallway filled with pictures of Reiners childhood.

from his first award ceremony

to his first Awkward dance,

and Lastly his highschool Graduation photo with just him and his mom.

smiling you headed to the master bedroom and knock silently when you heard a soft “come in”

Y/n Pov:

opening the door I see Miss Braun sit on the edge of her bed.

“Reiner said you wanted to see me? is everything okaY” i said making my way to her

she smiled and held my hands softly and looked up to me with tears in her eyes

“I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for loving my son and being there for him when everything was at its worst. Reiner grew up hating love when his father left us. but my love wasn't even the start of the damage. Reiners' father engraved into our heads that Family was blood and that you didn't need anyone else. engraved us with hatred to anyone that wasn't him. but when he left us. it might have been the happiest day of my life.” she motioned me to sit on the bed with her and continued

“When he left it hurt Reiner. Gave him sadness but made him angry. Rage. Hatred. But y/n you got through those walls. when you come into his life and push through the walls of hatred , pain and fear. you showed my son that love isn't a good thing but actually is worth it. my son became happy and at peace with everyone. you my love, gave him access to an amazing group of Friends he considers family. You showed him that family isn't always blood. but family is the people who cared and loved you when you couldn't love yourself. and the day he brought you home as his first friend. I just knew you would be the one he ended up loving. And see, I was correct. He fell in love and god knows my boy is head over heels in love with you.” Smiling, I wiped her Tears from her eyes and held her cheek.

“loving your son makes me the happiest person in the world. and I wouldn't change it for the world.”

smiling she kissed my palm

and spoke

“Seeing you both go to the same university with scholarship makes me the happiest ever. you came into his world at the darkest and brought me my loving son back. Thank you. The reason I wanted you to come up here was to give you your early going away gift. I wanted to do this alone because I wanted to be a mother and daughter moment.”

standing up from the bed she walked to the dresser and pulled out a small box

“I can't really say in law yet. but i hope to be soon” she winked at me and sat down while handing me the box

“open it”

I carefully unwrapped the box to find a necklace locket.

I carefully opened it to see 3 pictures.

smiling i looked up with tears in my eyes

“Miss braun. you shouldn't have.”

“my dear, how many times do I have to tell you to call me mom. and my dear i bought this for you because i know the love you have for my son is more than i can ever imagine. It took me so long to get you for a going away gift when it hit me that you loved the locket necklace I wear with reiner and I took a photo with it. So I did some shopping and photo digging and i put those 3 photos in it. You and reiner first ever photo at the age of 11. Yalls senior dance photo and lastly a picture of you two kissing in graduation photos. I got the locket engraved with your initials and mine as well. so you can have a piece of me when you're far away.”

Before she can finish I engulf her in a hug.

“thank you”

“now let's not get all sad. Here let me help you put it on and head down stairs. knowing reiner he's going to be worried.” she said while helping me put on the necklace and ushered me down the stairs.

The night went on from laughing to singing to all of our friends and family sitting outside enjoying the starry night with the music very low in the back.

i was scrolling through my pictures while listening to Peick rant about her latest adventure when i see the picture of me and reiner laughing that Bet took on the night of our senior dance,

when suddenly an idea popped into my head

i went to instagram and went to my story and posted photos of reiner and i thought of our friendship to now. with Olivia's new song and tag him.

I am satisfied with the masterpiece I posted it.

When the post is finished I look to see reiners reaction.

Reiner was happily talking to Marcel when he looked down to check his phone.

Reiner Pov:

Mid conversation with Marcel I felt my phone buzz.

i looked at my phone and i can see it was a notification from Y/n from instagram,

I opened it and it led me to her story with photos of us.

i turned up the volume forgetting that my phone was connected to the speaker and i hear the song go

“Well, I hope you know how proud I am you were created

With the courage to unlearn all of their hatred

God, I hope that you're happier today

'Cause I love you, and I hope that you're okay”

i looked up to see my family and friends with concerning looks due to the fact the song was on loop.

“here” i say handing my Phone to my mother and watch as my family and friends croud my phone

while i made my way to y/n

i hear in the back

“AWWWWWWW”

“okay this is actually cute what the hell.”

“Bert are you crying ?!”

“y/n did it like on the tiktok ones!!!”

“okay why is everyone crying now.”

i pulled y/n into a hug and a long kiss.

pulling away i looked at her

“the only reason i unlearn all that hatred was because of you. so thank you for coming into my life.”

“i love you y/n l/n”

“and i love you Reiner Braun”

#reiner braun #reiner x reader #olivia rodrigo #fluff #modern au #angsty #childhood friends

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growingstronglikeahighgardenrose · 3 years

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Sanditon Season 2: all the news & my thoughts

So, we're getting not one but two new seasons of Sanditon! After a year of tremendous effort on behalf of the Sanditon sisterhood who kept the fandom alive, we'll be looking at a new season. Although I think the biggest thank you probably goes out to Bridgerton, which showed that romance, regency, a diverse cast and butts are a perfect mix to lure audiences.

I want to take this moment to reflect on what I think we'll win, what we'll lose and what we can expect in the future.

1. No Sidlotte HEA

This is probably the most heartbreaking salty news we could get. But I know Theo James, he likes new projects. And after divergent's disaster, I can't blame the boy for not wanting to hang onto another franchise. As a fanfic writer, although mainly an Esther/Babington one, I broke my head for over a year on how to get Sidlotte together. I had to imagine the grandest schemes to get them together. Tom needed 10 000 pounds in less than a month. Even Babington was probably not worth that much. That's over 6 million in today's money if adjusted to inflation. Regency era's England's top 1-2% made that in a full a year, and most of that is probably in assets and investments. And they don't just get to keep that money, most used a good chunk of it to keep their estates running and to pay their staff. Anyone know someone who has a casual 6 million lying around?

There's only two realistic solutions: either have Eliza die: which would be cruel and take years (unless you kill her in childbirth 9 months in), or create a grand scheme that would take months and see Sidney, Crowe and Babington actively work hard on their 'business' while in the meantime Charlotte, Lady Denham and Lady Susan get everyone including the prince regent to come to Sanditon. I kind of accepted they would have a hard time getting out of that plot twist. It was likely that Sidlotte could not be endgame.

Personally, I never felt a strong connection to Sidlotte, and had hoped that Charlotte, like Jane Bennet, would go to London with Lady Susan to recover from her heartbreak, and I kind of hoped James Stringer would eventually go down there for his apprenticeship, where a sort of Captain Wentworth-like situation would come to exist where he is a young man trying to make something of himself. I know Charlotte didn't love him. But I also knew that Charlotte wanted adventure and perhaps needed to grow as a person. But in the new season she'll probably be a bit jaded, closed off, and depressed. And will probably need a softer more available man. Growing up goes with swinging to extremes. She was an open optimist at the beginning, and eventually turned to the opposite, not letting her emotions shine through and being very guarded (@miss-holly-goes-lightly did a wonderful post on this). Adulthood is finding a good balance again.

So while I am saddened, because this brings along a long set of questions like: "Does Sanditon still take place in Sanditon then?" "Where will Sidney live, will he then live in London with his wife?" "Why doesn't he come help his brother the next season or visit his family, as we know Tom will make a mess of things" The show will have to answer these questions in a believable manner.

2. No Beaufort twins

Mollie Holder said on her instagram that the Beauforts wouldn't be returning. This leads to quite a few questions like: where will Georgiana stay then? What will be happening to Mrs. Griffiths? Will Georgiana be her sole ward while the Beaufort's absence is explained as them having married or having become governesses?

3. Who remains aboard

Rose Williams is definitely on board. It's also pretty certain Tom will be there again. Lady Denham is also likely to return. The child actors and their parents were willing, but worried about their increasing age a few months back. Old Stringer said he'd have loved to be part of Sanditon again and to see it continue, but he's well... dead on the show so he won't return. So who will join Charlotte?

Leo Sutter might not return. He plays an important role in the next spin-off of vikings. Vikings has a new season each year. On top of that he's currently busy recording Gateway 6. We don't know how long that might take. And perhaps by the time filming ends he's required for the next season of the Walhalla series. Leo Sutter is a rising star, he might not even have the time to return. Especially for two seasons. At his age and point in his career, he needs to cement his name, or he'll remain b-list while he has a-list potential. So he might have to give up Sanditon for his career. It's sad, I'd love a Stringer/Charlotte future where they both grow to being suitable for each other while becoming people confident in their own abilities. But in the end, I would be alright with it, as Charlotte didn't express immediate interest in him. Writing him out would also be fairly easy, they could just write that despite thinking he had to stay home after his father's death, he went to London in the end under Charlotte's encouragement. Perhaps he could then come back for a guest appearance.

Crystal Clarke will reprise her role as Georgiana. Clarke has, since Sanditon, spoken out about the sometimes tone-deaf director and scriptwriters. She had to step in a few times to make sure Georgiana was done justice. She also said she hoped Georgiana, if the show was continued, would get the space to breathe and be independent, instead of playing a minor role as token black friend of Charlotte while under the control of Sidney. It will be complex to have her return without involving Sidney, as his character will have to be written out. I imagine this can be done with a timejump, but the timejump would have to be 4 years to make Georgiana 'of age' as she is 17 in the show. They'll probably place her under someone's care while saying Sidney is "still her guardian, but away". Georgiana is, in my opinion, an essential part of Sanditon. Bridgerton showed the world wanted to see diverse faces. Austen wrote a black character as a wealthy and desirable woman. They simply have to do more with her in the future. Clarke will reprise her role, this time with black writers to do justice to her character. I'm excited to see what will be done.

The actor who plays Arthur, Turlough Convery, is a good actor and mostly in period pieces. However he's never overly in demand, and usually stays with shows for multiple seasons. I think he's quite willing to come back and it means Georgiana would have a friend. I also hope they delve into his character, especially after his "I don't think i'll ever get married".

Matthew Needham and Mark Stanley, Crowe and Babington, are Sidney's best friends. It will be hard to have them come back without them explaining why Sidney is never with them. But I believe they would work well as a duo: the drunk and the one braincell are a fun dynamic. Both are not much in demand, despite that I quite like them as actors. So we might see them returning. Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Their return would also be vital for the return of a few other characters:

Charlotte Spencer's Esther Denham is married to Babington. Without Babington returning, how can Esther? And vice versa. Their storyline was also the main romance for me and a big part of the last few episodes. They kinda need to return. Babington is also Sanditon's access point to high society. To cash in on Bridgerton's success they should search that royal connection. Babington is friends with the Prince Regent. On top of that he has the most money. If he hosts a party and Charlotte is invited, this is where they get those grand-bridgertonesque scenes.

Lily Sacofsky's Clara had a romantic subplot with Crowe. In their final unaired scene they went to London together. She could return. However, the chances are quite slim. Clara is in London, and Sanditon takes place in Sanditon. Unless Lady Susan takes Charlotte to London for a while and she meets Clara and Edward there, cooking up a plan to get back at Esther and Lady Denham.

4. Predictions

There's no words to describe the popularity of Bridgerton, so this WILL influence Sanditon. I predict: more sex, more scandal, and even more ahistorically modern ideas and characters, multiple female characters and multiple male characters that each get screentime and their separate storylines and developments like in bridgerton, instead of just Charlotte's pov we follow. Glamorous scenes. And more POC.

The season will start with a timejump in all likeliness (as it is easier so they don't have to focus too much on her grieving). Charlotte will catch us up with what has happened while perhaps narrating over some letters she's written to georgiana and lady susan. She'll return to Sanditon during a summer. Sanditon will have been partially rebuilt with Eliza's money, and many activities will be planned. Sanditon will be in some kind of trouble. Charlotte will still be a planner. Her being very actively involved in things and having a vision was one of the most alluring parts of her character. In the books there was a rival town Tom hated. That might be a bit tricky to adapt so they could introduce some local competition for attention around Sanditon. A local duke hosting parties could overshadow tom's events. Or the social season in London could lure everyone there instead of to Sanditon. Charlotte will try to help Tom with this while getting reacquainted with everyone still in Sanditon, and hearing about the reasons why Sidney/Esther/Stringer/The Beauforts (to be seen) aren't in the show anymore. She'll also rebuild her relationship with Georgiana.

Then one day for an event Charlotte will invite Lady Susan, who will invite her to the London season to get over her heartache à la Jane Bennet. Charlotte will join Lady Susan to lure a crowd to Sanditon. There, she'll be confronted with some of her demons of the past season. Perhaps a pregnant Eliza Campion makes an appearance to rub it in Charlotte's face. In Sense & Sensibility Margaret discovered Willoughby's relationship in a most shocking manner in an almost public setting. Sanditon likes to nod at all Austen books so this could be a nod at that book when Charlotte discovers unpleasant news in a public manner. Charlotte will congratulate her and wish them happiness, and afterwards either a girlpower moment could happen with Lady Susan or Georgiana supporting her, or a love moment. Mrs Campion has tried to talk Charlotte down in front of people in the past, if she did it again, a new love interest could step in at that time to compliment her and then take her off for a dance. That could be an emotional moment for her, as she realized her feelings for Sidney in London during a dance the last time around as well. And she could have her cinderella moment by excusing herself and running off after the dance, uncertain of her feelings. She'll have some grand balls, might be harrassed by a man and risk a scandal, or try and prevent Georgiana from ruin during a scandal.

At the last moment she'll succeed in her goal and lure a crowd to Sanditon's events that will put Sanditon on the map. Either the local competitive duke, or someone from London will be impressed with her, but she won't be ready to marry yet. I trust that by the end of the second season, she'll finally have a realisation that she's quite happy with how she's living her life and how good her work is, and that she has finally stopped feeling sad. So the second season will stop with her atop a cliff, letting go of the traumatic loss she suffered on that same cliff a season before. By the end of the season, one or two love interests will be set up for the last season.

So the nudity and big romance will have to come from elsewhere. Georgiana will get more agency and action in the next seasons. She could be trying to tempt Charlotte in joining her adventures as a single wealthy independent woman. She might even leave to find her place in the world via boat, returning to where she was last truly happy: Antigua. The second season could maybe end with Charlotte overlooking Georgiana's boat leaving from the previously mentioned clifftop. Another option is Georgiana falling in love with a local man and taken an interest in the town. Financially speaking, Georgiana could be the only one able to save Sanditon. But I don't think she owes the town anything. Another option is the writers focus on Georgiana navigating her relationship with Otis, who might be back home for a holiday after navy duty. We could also see some political debates à la Poldark S5 about freedom, servitude, independence and so on. The first plan for Georgiana doesn't even have to exclude the second, she could decide to sail away with Otis to find their place in the world. In any case: race shall not be brushed under the carpet and Georgiana will kick some shins on her way to her happy ending. In Jane Austen, we have rarely seen a woman who tried to elope, or escape her guardian, get a happy ending. Georgiana Darcy, Eliza Williams, Eliza's mother, ... they're all tragic tales of women falling for bad guys who try to steal their virtue or take their money. And in the end they always become dependent on men again. I hope in Sanditon Georgiana will learn and grow herself, instead of being coddled by men. A lot could be done.

Esther and Babington could be a very cool insert if the actors join. They can really connect the high society to Sanditon. They could host balls, invest in Sanditon or drive the London plot. But they can also be an emotional backbone to the show. Esther married Babington, but she wasn't in love yet. I'm not a fan of the edward/Esther angle. After all he did, I rather she hated him with burning passion and never spoke to him again. But he could try to blackmail her and ruin her reputation in London. Perhaps become some kind of Lord Whistledown. With Charlotte coming to Esther's aid. Esther's plotline could be about learning to trust people and open her heart again. Perhaps she could have a conflict with Babington about him wanting a family and she still being uneasy with marriage, let alone children. Maybe they could have a fight, with one of them going to London. In their separation they might realize they love each other. And then the other comes back home from London with Charlotte and they fix everything. Another route is them having a fight, Esther going to confront Edward or Clara about their blackmailing or maneouvring. Babington thinks it's because she doesn't love him, but actually it's because she loves Babington and wants to be rid of her past. But she gets into an accident and Babington only realizes the truth later on, leading to a happy ending.

Other things I'd love to see: Mary finally growing a backbone and telling Tom to either be open about his affairs and finances or be gone. Arthur and Diana growing a backbone and telling their brother he's a fuck up. Charlotte realizing Tom is stupid. Lady Denham appointing Charlotte or Arthur to head of Sanditon after showing their worth an entire season. Tom being repentant. Diana getting over her fears. Arthur getting a love interest. Crowe being in Sanditon, I just love him. Kisses. Healthy love interests that aren't broody and traumatized and in need of fixing by women. Jane Austen's men need to do their growing ON THEIR OWN. And then they earn their brides.

5. What we'll lose

- A Sidlotte ending: once the new season comes out, Sidlotte is no longer headcanon.

- A happy Esther/Babington ending: they married and looked happy, despite Esther's rushed turn around. If they're in the new season, their marriage won't be perfect. They'll have conflicts, just for plot. Whatever headcanons we had for them will probably be falsified. We might come to dislike them or their relationship. I've seen almost all my ships crumble to dust on the rocks of multiple seasons dragging out relationships and piling on conflict just to keep it interesting.

- A part of what made Sanditon Sanditon: we'll lose many faces we've come to love. And the dynamics and relationships will therefore change a lot.

- Fanfics become dated: I know it is the problem of every fandom, but it's one I regret all the same. Part of why I love Austen fandoms is the fact that the books are written. The characters and relationships won't change. With 2 new seasons coming, all fanfics out there will become dated. The millions of hours authors put into Sidlotte fics will perhaps become barely read when Charlotte gets new love interests. All the headcanons I and many others wrote down for Sidlotte, Esther/Babington, Charlotte/Stringer, will officially become silly fantheories. I've been there a couple of times before that shows changed the entire course and personality of certain characters and then you can't help but feel exhausted and sometimes annoyed because these are your babies and you had dreams for them, and the writers took them in directions that sometimes don't do them justice. But it's canon so you gotta accept it. Sometimes fantasy is nicer than a writer toying around with storylines and characters just to create drama. And I'll have to write my characters in a new way that fits the characters based on the info from the new seasons. I might fall out of love with them. Ah, the burden of being a shipper weighs heavy.

- Perhaps we still lose a HEA: Season one ended with a happy babington/Esther and an unhappy Charlotte who learned a lot, and a Sanditon that was saved. Although Sanditon has been extended for two seasons it's possible that if the ratings for S2 aren't good they may still cancel the third season. If they don't learn from their mistakes and end season 2 on another cliffhanger even Esther's relationship and sanditon may be at stake. If they're getting 2 seasons they will also not marry or engage charlotte in the second, meaning Charlotte will still be single by the end of the series if they cancel season 3. The whole reason we wanted more seasons was for charlotte to have a HEA. So I'm really fearful that she'll be put in another hard spot. They at least need to get her happy by the end of S2.

6. What we'll gain

- More sanditon content

- More regency era content and images and music which is always lovely

- Seeing our favourites again

- Hopefully we get to see new challenges and romance and humor and tense moments and scandal and drama that will be fun to watch

- A Georgiana story arc: a black woman in a realistic historical setting living her life, being wealthy, and England just having to Deal With It. And as cherry on top she'll be written by black writers.

- Happy endings (hopefully)

- New hot men! This is a guarantee

- Perhaps LGBTQ+ representation with Arthur

- Frustration at Tom's antics (guaranteed)

- Maybe some interactions with Charlotte's siblings

- Esther Babington content

- New material to write fanfics and metas about

- Over 8 hours of viewing pleasure

#sanditon #sanditon season 2 #sanditon season 3 #sceptical fanalyses #sanditon predictions #charlotte heywood #esther denham

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lilmissbeanie · 4 years

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Keiji Akaashi x Famous!F!Reader

Song ~ Ass Back Home - Gym Class Heroes

Genre ~ SFW Fluff

Word Count ~ 1.8k

Posted ~ 11/08/20

Akaashi sighed as he once again read another article about Y/n L/n and Jason Derulo, or some other artist always presuming that they were together. He didn't want to be jealous, but he couldn't help it when he saw his girl with some other guys, wasn't that normal?

He knew it was going to be hard when he asked her to be his girlfriend. He knew she would be away often she would be travelling for tours and of course, meeting up with other artists to collaborate on songs, even though he knew that her new song would be a collaboration with Jason Derulo.

He trusted her, the same way that Bokuto would trust his sets back in high school, the way that Bokuto would always know that Akaashi would always get the ball to him to spike. He knew she would never cheat on him, that wasn't who she was. He knew by the excitement in her voice when he answered the phone, "Kei!" The excitable giggles paired with the massive happy grin he saw on video call on the rare occasions that she could. Usually, it was voice messages or texts with the time difference, but some times she would stay up late so they could video chat, he would let the small smile grace his features when she would rub her eyes cutely and yawn. The way he would tell her to go to bed cause she is tired and she would pout innocently saying that she wasn't worn out. She would ask about his day listening as she slowly doses off, he didn't take it as an insult he just knew she was exhausted. He would sit there smiling at her sleeping face, looking like an innocent child, where she still had her phone in a light grip facing her.

"Good night, my Juliette sleep well. I love you."

"I... l-love you too my Romeo" would often be mumbled back, in her half-dazed state. With Akaashi's love of literature, Y/n just slipped it out once called him her Romeo and ever since it stuck.

Running his finger around the rim of his glass he sighed, it had been a few days since he had heard from her, he knew she was busy he had seen on her Twitter and Instagram that they added more tour dates in America as they stadiums had sold out. It had been eight months since the pair were actually in person together.

"AKAASHI!" He flinched at Bokuto's sudden loudness as said boy appeared next to him. "Why so, mopey? Oh, you're missing Y/n aren't you!"

"Hey my Romeo, I'm sorry I haven't called or texted you in a while, the tour has gotten so hectic recently we are doing two shows a day, so most of my fans can come, and watch and my manager wants to add even more dates." He smiled, enjoying the sound of her voice even if it is over voicemail, and she sounded exhausted. He had woken up for work and seen that he had missed a call from her at three am. "I know you're going to ask when I am going to be home, but I don't know at the moment, but soon I hope I'm going to tell my manager that I need a break. I hope to be home for Christmas."

Rolling his eyes, he shrugged and gave a slight nod to Bokuto's question.

Bokuto suddenly felt terrible for Akaashi. He didn't know how he felt. He didn't have a love like Akaashi. His passion is for Volleyball is his true love right now. He remembered the day he introduced Akaashi and Y/n. She was at an after-party of a game that the Black Jackals won and Bokuto dragged Akaashi along. It was like the couple connected instantly and they soon got together. Bokuto would often turn up at Akaashi's find them sprawled out on the sofa, Y/n with her head in his lap, his fingers running through he hair as he read a book to her. Bokuto had gotten many pictures of them like this. He loved how relaxed Akaashi was around her, a way he hadn't seen with anyone else.

He knew that she was going to say that.

"Anyway I miss you my Romeo, I cannot wait to be home and in your arms again. I want to be in our little bubble of love and cuddles, of you reading to me while you play with my hair. I want to be in the studio with you listening to me sing my new songs and telling me which words would work better with the lyrics I have written." He laughed he did often sit in the studio with her after he finishes work, reading over her new lyrics and crossing out the odd word and putting one that worked better with the theme of the song. He loved watching her pick at the strings of her acoustic guitar playing a few cords and seeing if they worked when she ran her fingers over the keys of the piano. He loved that she could play different instruments.

"I love you so much, Romeo. I hope you sleep well. See you as soon as I can. Bye-bye, my sweet Romeo."

About three weeks later he was sat at his desk eating his lunch, watch the recent interview Y/n had with OK! Magazine.

'So Y/n, when the tour is over what is the first thing you're going to do?' Chloe, the interviewer, asked

'I think it will be sleep we've had some busy months recently, most days doing two shows to it is hard work.' He laughed along with his beloved.

'We've been keeping up to date on your social media, who is this Romeo you keep mentioning, we often see and I quote, I miss you my sweet Romeo, or I love you, Romeo.' He would always reply, but his account was private so no one unless they followed him and accepted it.

'My Romeo is waiting for me at home; I promised him I wouldn't mention him until he is ready for the spotlight as he isn't an actor or musician. But he is my Romeo, and I am very excited to get home and be with him again.' He was so glad that she didn't spill the beans about their relationship. He already had enough of the spotlight with being friends with most of the Black Jackals team, he already has his pictures in magazines when the team goes out, and he gets dragged along with Kuroo by Bukoto and Hinata.

'Can you tell us one thing about him?' Chloe pushed for more details about him. He loved how Y/n's nose would scrunch up, and her left eyebrow would shoot up as he tapped her chin in thought.

'He was a volleyball setter in high school.' She smiled. Akaashi smirked at the fact she gave, there were many setters across the world, and narrowing down to him would be hard. 'And he is my bookworm,'

'A setter and bookworm, those don't often go together!' Chloe laughed, with Y/n soon joining her.

'I know, and I have Shoyo Hinata and Kotaro Bokuto. But honestly, if it wasn't for him I'm sure some of my songs wouldn't make sense, a lot of my lyrics in my book have his scribbles in changing the odd word here and there, I would often wake up finding him hovering over my lyrics book a mug of coffee in hand proofreading them for me.'

He couldn't help the chuckle that slipped past his lips at the dig at Bokuto and Hinata's dislike for books.

'He sound's like a gem! But back to the fact you've met the Black Jackals numbers twenty-one and thirteen. What are they like?"

"I've met them all I know all the Black Jackals, all their school friends too, I met them all after a match against the Cheehle Ekaterinburg, an old friend Morisuke Yaku I knew from my middle school days invited me along, and that was where I met them. Those two boys even though they were bouncing around the court like anything they still had so much energy, I was shocked that anyone could keep up with them, it was like they were children who had just walked out of an all you can eat sweetshop.'

This caused Chloe to giggle. He liked the way Y/n slyly slipped in how they met.

'this Romeo of yours you didn't happen to meet him through your old middle school friend, did you? At this party' Akaashi's eyes widen as the interviewer hit the nail on the head, he was impressed at how Y/n kept her facial expression in check, just the usual smile she used for interviews,

Saturday 5th of December 2015 was the day that Y/n finally returned home. She didn't tell Akaashi she was on her, she knew from Bokuto that they would be at his favourite restaurant that serves his favourite food, Nanohana no Karashiae, in a private room at the back. She drove her car into the car park of the restaurant, taking a deep breath she pulled on her cap and her dark sunglasses as she got out and walked into the restaurant, telling the waiter that she was here for the Bokuto party he nodded and showed her to the door.

'Ah, well it was through mutual friends that we met.' He loved how she deflected the question, not letting them on that it was at the party they met.

He leaned his phone against the pen pot on his desk, leaving the video to play, while he got on with his work, the questions had now turned to make-up and what shampoo she was using.

"Thanks, I'll be fine from here." She knew from the photo that Bokuto had put up on Twitter that Akaashi had his back to the door, purposely done for this exact reason. Pulling off the hat and glasses, she quietly opened the door slipping in and once again quietly shutting it. The room slowly went quiet as eyes suddenly locked on to her figure. Akaashi frowned at his friends, why did everyone stop talking all of a sudden and why Bokuto and Kuroo had whipped out their phones, pointing it at him, till he started to follow their line of sight.

"Happy birthday Romeo." She giggled as he slowly placed her back on the floor, their foreheads resting against one another.

"I'm home, my Romeo." His eyes instantly locked with hers the second he heard her voice, as the smiles so wide crossed their faces as he flew out of his seat wrapping her up in his arms, tightly as if he loosen his grip she would disappear again, he spun her around. He was ecstatic she was home.

Nine months, eleven days, sixteen hours and thirty-eight minutes since the last time he held her in his arms. Since he lasted kissed her. Since he last looked into her beautiful deep e/c eyes.

"You are the best birthday present I could ever ask for." He said as he entwined his fingers into her hair, pulling her into a deep kiss that was long overdue.

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yetanotherreader · 4 years

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Useful—1

Genre: College AU

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N, a pinch of Lisa sprinkled in.

Summary: The school's most popular boy wants to be friends with Y/N, out of the blue. It definitely doesn't have anything to do with her hot best friend, though.

Word Count(for the chapter): 1,494

Warnings (for the chapter): Nothing as such. Slightest language?

____________

Useful Masterlist

Chapter-1

Good girls always fall for bad boys.

Now, did they? At least, that's how the legend went. All your life, it was exactly what you had read in those books you carried in your bag. And they were the reason you were starting to believe this pointless theory. Or was it your irresistible attraction towards that leather-jacketed classmate of yours? Obviously, the former. You weren't falling for him of all the guys. And you weren't exactly the good types, were you?

"Y/N!" You heard your friend call from behind, "You up for tonight's party at Jo's?

"Jo? I thought you hated her?" You raised your brow in your friend's direction, continuing your walk down the hallway.

"Nooo, why would I hate that beautiful babe?"

"Lisa," deadpanning, you continued, "Cut the crap."

Lisa smiled at you cheekily, squinting her eyes and you obviously got the sign.

"Boys" You said with the roll of your eyes, whilst she echoed simultaneously with an excited squeal. Shaking your head, you smiled at her excitement, whilst she continued to grin your way adorably. At least someone's looking forward to living their life.

You and Lisa were totally different, to the extent it got you thinking about how you were even friends in the first place. She was one of the most popular girls of the college, whilst you were a hidden hermit. She loved partying and drinking, whilst you made excuses to stay home and read one of those fanfictions they wrote. Not that you got a lot of invitations, but ever since you started hanging out with Lisa, they were more. It was uncomfortable at first, and quite frankly, it still was. You weren't used to it—the attention, so many people around you, people talking to you. Although before you met Lisa, you felt way lonelier than you'd ever like to admit, you still sometimes missed the calm in it. But again, you did you. You still ditched parties for books, still said no to drunk boys, still wore baggy hoodies and Potter glasses, and still ate street food. Uncool? Fair enough. Uncool it is, then.

"So, you coming?" She tugged at your backpack just as you were making your way into the class.

"No"

"Please"

"No"

"Y/N"

"No"

"Today's food on me"

"Yes"

"Yee!" She squealed and hugged you, locking your hands to your body, as you froze in your place. You really did like to maintain that reputation of the tough, unaffectionate girl you had among the few people you talked to.

"Yeah, yeah. It's the free food." With a fake scowl, you went in the lecture hall, as she made her way to hers.

_____________

It was a rather boring lecture, and you would sell your soul to bunk the other one scheduled after the break. All you did during the whole class was scroll down your Instagram feed, or Tumblr checking for another part of the fanfiction you were currently reading. Hunters. How cool was that! You lived to read such fantasies, or who knew if they existed in real life too.

"Didn't take you for the one to use your phone during the class." You looked up to see him, and tried your hardest not to gawk at his entire confident demeanor. Leather jacket, spiky short blonde-ish brown hair, green eyes and—were they...freckles?

You cleared your throat locking your phone, "Didn't take you for the one to talk to unpopular girls during the break, either."

A smirk started to grace his lips as you quickly averted your gaze back to your phone, unlocking it and scrolling through the posts again.

"Ah! That hurt," he mocked hurt as you found yourself resisting a smile at his antics, "Did I see a smile there, and can I sit?" He smiled to himself.

"No," You said with a roll of your eyes shifting to the seat next to the wall, "So what brings you here, Winchester?"

"Low attendance," He chuckled to himself but it subsided soon, clearing his throat, as he heard no laugh from your side, "Sorry, wasn't funny."

"No it was, I'm just trying not to laugh." You said, the bored expression not leaving your face, as you again turned back to your phone, just before it was snatched from your hands.

"First, it's very rude to use your phone when someone's talking to you," He smiled in return to the glare you threw his way, "And second, Y/N, I've come here to be friends with you.

Now that piqued your interest, as you raised your right brow at him, "No, I mean it. I'm buddies with everyone in the class but you. The only time we ever talked was back during the first year, and it didn't quite end well."

"Sweets. Tempting but no," You gave the freckled man in front of you a tight lipped smile, "Winchester, what kinda bet you at, this time?" You said nonchalantly, definitely not believing a word of what he was asking for.

"No bet, I promise! I genuinely want to know you." And he thought you'd believe him, didn't he? As if.

"Guess what, Dean?" You smiled at him sweetly, as he started to grin, "Buzz off, not before giving me my phone back."

His grin faltered midway as he sighed, "You really are a hardhead, are you not?" He handed you over the phone and walked out of the hall.

Well, wow.. that was weird.

_____________

Dean knew it wasn't going to be an easy task. She wasn't a soft nut to crack. Not that he had expected her to just believe him like that. He wasn't joking when he said that their first encounter wasn't the most pleasant one. A bet. That's what it was.

New to college, he knew he needed to make a reputation to survive those four years. He couldn't go down on his first day, after all. He wasn't going to. And as his seniors dared him to throw the next student out of the door into the pool, he did. He was very hesitant, he knew it was bullying and he sure wasn't in favor of that but he also knew that if he didn't, they'll make the next three years of his life hell. He had no other choice.

That's when she walked out of the class—baggy sweater, round glasses, reading a book, your typical nerd. Her appearance just made him more guilty for what he was about to do next, she was too innocent to be a part of any of this. Other bullies of the school would just make her college years a living hell after today, if he did that- when he did that. Although, he was determined he wouldn't let anyone near her after today, it did little to no good easing his guilt.

Next thing he knew was that she was scooped up in his arms, her book on the floor, deep Y/E/C wide orbs staring back into his apologetic ones and her arms tight around his neck as if to make sure she wouldn't fall down—oh boy, only if she knew—and splash!

It was all a matter of seconds when he realized she was struggling to keep up on the surface, "The bet's over, I won!" He yelled at the couple of boys and three girls laughing behind him as he jumped into the pool to save the tiny bean.

"Look I'm sorry, I know it was an ass move but you gotta believe me, I didn't mean any of it. It was a bet, I mea-" He looked at her still baffled expressions, as she tried to regulate her breathing, "Are you okay?"

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" His eyes all but widened at the unexpected not-just-an-outburst but a hard slap to his face.

Turns out, she didn't need all that saving after all.

He chuckled at the memory. It's been three years, and they were still not friends. Gosh, what did he not do after that. Passed her sorry notes, apologized to her in person, waited for her outside her classrooms and even sneaked into her dorm earning an earful from the warden. Oh, Y/N still didn't know about the dorm one, not that she ever would. Finally, after all those efforts she sure forgave him, but they decided that they won't talk ever again.

And they didn't.

It wasn't that he never wanted to. He did, he really did. Y/N really intrigued him, to the point he found himself staring at her just to study her, in hopes to look past the mysterious aura she carried. If he didn't know better, he would have thought he had a crazy crush on the girl.

Right then, though, he hoped she came to Jo's party that evening, and he sure as hell hoped he could get some help winning over the beautiful girl he had gotten a crush on.

Lisa.

______________

Chapter 2

_____________

A/N: Wellllll. I tried my luck again. I don't know how it turned out but ah. So it will have more parts, so if anybody of you wanna get tagged, send me an ask or reblog it with your comment. Feedback is really appreciated, so I can know if I should continue or not. Love❤️

Tags: @bi-danvers0

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nanasrecovery · 4 years

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September 13, 2020

Well things have definitely changed a bit since my last journal entry, so this is gonna be a long one. I spent a week back home with my family, and the first day back was, as expected, my most anxiety filled day due to a full to-do list and just adjusting to another environment. I had errands to run for the little celebration I wanted to have for Alisa, Jungkook, and Bronson's birthday, and had some bottle drop offs to take care of as well. I didn't really have time to myself, except when I was in the car, which isn't exactly my most anxiety-free space to begin with (which wasn't always the case surprisingly). I enjoyed being around everyone and even making our own pizzas from scratch, but when it came time to eating, my social anxiety & ED took over (mostly ED). I let him convince me that I shouldn't eat even though I was starving. I knew exactly what was happening, but still, I couldn't get myself to eat. So I tried my best to enjoy the night, regardless of feeling uncomfortably hungry.

The next morning, the negativity continued. First thing I'm greeted by when I come downstairs was a multitude of questions from my mom like "why didn't you eat last night? Why didn't you go to your room and eat? How come you're not telling me how you're doing?" And I know she's coming from a good place as a mother, but this is the kind of thing I wanted to get away from when I moved to Henrico. My eating disorder and anxiety is something my mom will never fully understand, or maybe even try to understand. I've had several conversations with her before on ways she can help me, and I mean really help me, not the ways she thinks she's helping me. For example,

Really listening to me when I talk about my struggles

Not using her own struggle with anxiety as the cure for mine

Trust me that I'm making strides towards recovery at MY pace

But of course, sometimes I feel like she only hears what she wants to hear. What frustrated me the most was she said, "you know how I deal with my anxiety? I eat". And I said "well if you would really listen to me, you would know that I can't do that. If I could, we wouldn't be having this problem right now." And that immediately just made me irritable towards my mom for the rest of my time home, unfortunately. Regardless of that exchange, I was able to eat breakfast and finished my entire pizza from the night before for lunch.

I already had a feeling that being home was gonna help my anxiety a lot, and regardless of the negativity from my mom, it really was. I'm so thankful for Jaron and that he's so understanding and helpful when it comes to my anxiety. He said he would get a ride back up to Henrico just so I could stay home longer, and I'm honestly so glad I did. I've realized how much being home is healing for me, atleast during these current times. When things were going well for me in the beginning of the year, I loved being in Henrico, but after covid hit and things completely changed, I wanted to be back home even though I never wanted to admit it. But I can't dismiss the fact that home is where all of my favorite people are, and some of the anxieties I feel up in Henrico just don't exist when I'm back home.

The moment that made me really miss being home was my absolute favorite part of my week, and something I want to do more often. I had an impromptu picnic with Alisa, Jessa, and Bronson at Chesapeake City Park and it was literally the most relaxed I have felt in so long. Not having technology in my face the whole time, soaking in the sun and breathing fresh air in an open field just felt so nice, and I was able to eat half a sandwich and some pretzels in front of them, which is the most people I've eaten anything in front of in a long time. From that point on, I really wanted to try and make positive steps towards recovery.

I had asked on Twitter and Instagram if people had used CBD products before and what their thoughts were, and I received nothing but positive responses. Ate Jackie had some CBD products she had that she wasn't using so I picked them up and tried them out (yay for not having to pay). The gummies actually taste so good that I would totally eat a bunch at once if they weren't CBD haha. But at first I couldn't really tell if it did anything, but after use over the next couple days I felt the effects, and I'd say it did help mellow me out! I eventually needed a stronger dose and told John about it, so he went to a CBD store and bought gummies for me and some oil for himself (thankful for you, John). The new gummies definitely hit me harder, sometimes I feel like I'm high cause I'm so mellowed out hahaha. Either way, I'm glad that I've found a natural aid for my anxiety since the medication route hasn't been the best choice for me since ED.

Over the next few days I really tried to spend time with people while still giving myself time to rest. For one, I got into Stray Kids, which getting into a new group is a Serotonin boost in itself haha, especially when my biases look like this

How can I not feel happy when I look at them?????

But throughout the rest of the week I also soaked up my time with Deedee, Megan, and even Marc cause they always put me in a great mood. Definitely one of my favorite parts of being home.

Regardless of being stressed due to watching my nephews and dodging my mom's questions or overbearing tendencies, I was able to eat the most that I have in a while, which was really nice, but also brought on anxiety simply because my body isn't used to it. I am still super happy and excited about it nonetheless.

Friday night I had therapy, and after spilling out basically everything I had written about up until this point of the post, she really helped me organize my thoughts and worries, and I just always feel better after therapy sessions with her. She reminded me that sometimes it feels like we're fighting against our family, but we're on the same team fighting against ED, and showed me resources that I could give my mom to help her understand my situation more. She also helped me ease some worries about Jaron and I's current situation of planning on moving back home due to struggling finances since covid (which I'll probably go into detail another day).

My week back home ended with a visit to my Auntie. She texted me earlier that morning that if I had free time to stop by because she had something for me. I had no idea what to expect, but when I got there, I must say it was nice seeing family. She gave me a devotional journal, prayer card, and small vials of Rose oil, sat me down and basically said "the reason why I reached out was because I dreamt about you the other day and I rarely dream about family. And the dream was so dark and gloomy that I wondered why and felt like I should reach out". She told me about her struggles in life and how she trusted God and continues to learn and trust in Him. I told her how, even though the past year has been so difficult, it really brought me closer to God. Prior to going to their house, I was feeling really sad and anxious, but after leaving I felt so much better.

I made my way back up to Henrico, and man I missed Jaron a lot. Spending the past couple days with him has been really nice, and I've eaten generally well while being up here. Unfortunately it's hard for me to be by myself in the apartment all week and not feel super anxious, so I told him I wanted to stay back home for a bit, and of course, he understood. So I packed up some things and I'll be heading back down tomorrow morning.

This past week helped me see things in a new light, and how things will never go as planned, but everything definitely happens for a reason. My struggles are preparing me for the blessings to come and I'm going to be 100000x stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually after all of this is overcome.

Here's to more steps forward, no matter how small.

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