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brodieland · 2 months

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.˚ 𓈒 ࣪.𝝑𝝔 always matching, now the matched ´ˎ˗

Percy Jackson x Fem!Eros!Reader Synopsis: A road trip with Percy already left you spinning, now you got a dream from Eros to decipher Warning(s): guys I said the f word lock me upp Word Count: 2061 Part 1

It's been about a week since you and Percy brought over 7 year old Delilah back to camp. It's been about a week since those excruciating long hours stuck in a car. And it's been about a week since those late night talks with Percy, where you opened up like you never had with anyone.

You've felt... awkward? You didn't really know what it was, but ever since the little road trip your recurring dreams of your mom depressed over your dad have stopped. You hadn't seen Percy around as much, he'd been pretty busy doing head counselor duties. So was Piper, since she was also a head counselor.

You walked out your cabin and saw little Delilah sitting alone in front of the Hermes cabin. Since arriving she hadn't been claimed yet, you could tell she might've been a little sad about it, but that was normal for lots of campers. Sucks but it is what it is. You made your way over, "Hey Delilah, you feeling okay?"

"I'm okay, I just miss my dad," she frowned. You weren't really sure how to comfort someone when it comes to their dad, but you did your best.

"Your dad told me your like gardens," that seemed to catch her attention. "Wanna get some strawberries together?"

She smiled wide and nodded fast. You picked her up piggy-back style and skipped over towards the strawberry fields. "Woahh."

"Woah indeed," you said as you plopped her back down. You followed behind her as she roamed through the rows of strawberries. When she sat down by a bush, you sat next to her as you both enjoyed some strawberries together. "Taste good right?"

"Super," she giggled. "Y/N?"

"Yes?"

"Is Percy your boyfriend," Delilah ask. You let out a tense chuckle, you were definitely caught off guard.

"Oh uh, no. He's not my boyfriend. I don't have a boyfriend."

"Oh okay," she frowned. "He looks like he likes you, you know."

You couldn't tell if it was the summer sun or Delilahs teasing, but you were starting to sweat. Crushes weren't something you'd ever have, to be fair they were something you'd sworn off. And as far as you were concerned, people weren't really having crushes on you. "No he doesn't, we're just close friends."

"There you are," speak of the devil. "I've been looking everywhere for you."

And there he was, Percy! "Wow, haven't seen you in a minute."

"I've been busy being important," he joked as he took a seat next to you and Delilah. "Hey there Delilah."

He held out his fist which she bumped, "Hi Percy!"

"So whatcha guys talkin about?"

"Oh nothing!"

"Okay don't tell me," Percy dragged while looking at you up and down. Before you could say anything Delilah let out a loud and content sigh.

"Guys, look! I did something to the strawberries, taste them now," she handed you both a strawberry and they may have been the best strawberries you've ever tasted.

"Holy sh-" you smacked Percy's arm before he finished his sentence. "Ow."

"You'll be so okay its not even funny," you and Delilah laughed.

"Anyways," Percy continued. "How'd you do that?"

Before Delilah could answer, wheat, daisies and poppies appeared over her head. She was getting claimed by Demeter. The little girl started jumping up and down as she pulled you and Percy into a group hug. While in the hug, you saw Percy looking into your eyes and your mind just went blank. Before you knew it Percy stood up, grabbing Delilah in his arms, "Lets take you to met your siblings yeah?"

"Yeah!" Percy treated the younger campers so well, it made your heart melt. You stood by the Demeter cabin's door as Percy left Delilah with her new siblings, watching her fit in immediately. As you watched Percy, you remembered something he said, 'I knows there's someone out there ready to love you, trust me.'

What did he mean by that? You and Percy were walking side by side out of the Demeter cabin. You didn't realize how long you were quiet for before he broke the silence. "You there? Why're you so silent?"

"Oh," you stammered. "It's nothing."

"You know you can tell me anything right? There's no reason for you to be nervous or something."

You paused for a second. "When we got back. You said something, you told me there was someone out there ready to love me, and you looked so serious. What was that supposed to mean?"

You turned just to see him smiling down at you. Before you registered anything Percy just ran his hand through your hair and just draped it over your shoulders, holding you close for a second. "Cupid really is just a nickname, not a real title. Hmm?"

You just tilted your head as Percy excused himself, claiming to still have more jobs to attended too. After a couple of hours, it was curfew time, so you headed back to your cabin to get some sleep. The dreams were back, but this was different. It was new, and it didn't have anything to do with your mom any more.

You stood in the middle of an empty beach. No, not just any beach. It was the one at camp. As you looked around and realized it wasn't so empty. You saw a girl sitting by herself watching the sunset, when a boy made his way over. They started talking, though they were too far away to pick up on what they were saying. The closer you got, the more familiar they looked.

It was you and Percy. It was you and Percy the day you met.

Suddenly the setting changed and it was dark out. You turned around and saw orange and red colors blazing in the campfire. And who were the only people there? You and Percy. It was the day you both couldn't stop burning your marshmallows. You remember this, he almost burned your finger.

The scene changed again, and again, and again. They were all past memories of you and Percy throughout all the time you've known him. Right now you were watching the late night talk in the car with him.

One last time, you're back at the strawberry fields, watching you and Percy stare into each others eyes. Fast forward, now you're watching him pull you close. Why were you seeing this?

You and Percy disappeared, but you stayed back in the middle of camp. You looked around, but saw nothing.

"I know what you want, my girl." "People don’t change, not really."

"Who are you," you called out.

"I've been watching you. You're quite the stubborn one aren't you?"

You stoped moving for a second, "Dad?"

"Why are you denying love for yourself? Why aren't you allowing yourself to enjoy something like love?"

"You saw what you did to mom, why would I let myself fall in love like that," anger started to seep into your voice.

"Oh my dear. How naive you are, love is a natural force. As natural as fear, it cannot be avoided as much as you try."

Your breathing started getting faster, you started hearing Eros' voice come closer from behind you. When you turned around, you saw something flying towards you.

It was an arrow, landing straight in your heart.

You sat straight up in your bunk, covered in sweat. You were breathing hard as you looked around, making sure you didn't wake anyone else up. You checked your window and saw it was still dark out, probably uaround 3AM. You quietly slipped out of your bed and made your way to the bathroom. You stood there staring at yourself in the mirror.

An arrow landed straight through your heart. Your heart started beating faster, the sweating getting worse. 'Love is as natural as fear', you've never felt love, and all you're feeling right now is fear. You didn't want to end up like your mom. You know what Eros was saying when he was showing all the memories with Percy. And you didn't want to say it out loud. You looked down and saw your hands shaking. You took a deep breathe before heading back out and go to bed. Keeping yourself up wasn't going to make you feel better, so you just fell back asleep.

The next morning you woke up by getting violently shaken awake. "Hello???"

You groaned as you sat up, meeting with a pair of beautiful sea-green eyes. "Finally your up, you missed breakfast you know."

"Oh-" you started stammering over your words. That dream really messed with your mind. You really needed a shower, the sweating was getting out of control. You may have had a problem.

"Y/N, are you okay? You look a little.. red? Are you sick," Percy asked as he brought his hand and placed it on your forehead. You swatted it away and quickly made your way to the bathroom, again.

"I'm fine," you ran into the door, and Percy just couldn't help but stare at you confused. You just opened it and locked it behind you, hoping to wash off your embarrassment in the shower.

You wanted to spend the rest of the day avoiding everyone. Everywhere you walked, you saw a spot from your dreams, or a spot you made memories with Percy. Percy. Stupid Eros. You decided to just ignore the dream, put a bathing suit on and relax by the beach. The sound of the ocean calmed you, no matter how much they reminded you of Percy. Or maybe that's why you liked them so much.

As you sat with your knees to your chest, you saw a shadow looming from behind you. You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know whose toned figure was approaching behind you.

"Hey Percy," he took a seat next to you, mirroring the way your sat.

"Hey Y/N," he greeted as he stared out toward the ocean. You both sat in silence enjoying the scene in front of you. "What's up with you?"

You were quiet, feeling conflicted on whether or not telling him of your dream. "Getting over your fears isn't as easy as people say."

One thing you love about talking with Percy, is that he just listened. Never asked a million questions, or cut you off, or made you feel any less when you opened up. He just listened.

Love. You just said love.

"I had a dream," you turned to see him looking at you, eyes encouraging you to continue. "It was Eros, he was trying to tell me something. I mean the message was pretty clear, he shot an arrow through my fucking heart."

You chuckled and Percy looked a little confused. "It scared me."

"Wanna talk about the rest of the dream?"

You watched the waves for a moment before continuing. "It just started with a bunch of memories of us, from when we first met to now. He called me naive. Naive, for thinking I can avoid falling in love. It's funny, that's what I called everyone else in love. Naive."

"What are you saying," Percy asked softly.

"I'm saying, to be in love is to be dumb and afraid. And I'm stupid and terrified," your eyes started stinging, though nothing fell out. "You know, my brain just goes blank when I look at you. I think I'm going a little crazy."

Percys put his legs in criss-cross apple sauce and turned directly to you. He held his arms out for you. You hesitated before going close and laying into Percy's chest. "Sounds like you might just be in love."

"With you," you whispered into Percy's chest.

"Hmm?"

"With you," you sat up and looked into Percy's face. "I'm in love with you, Percy. You told me to trust you, to trust you that someone was ready to love me. Did you mean you?"

He smiled, "I'm glad your not actually that dense." You just rolled your eyes, "Yeah, I was talking about me."

"Your not gonna disappear on me are you?"

"You couldn't pay me enough," you laughed softly at his answer.

"Can you, just, kiss me already," lots of things can change in less than two weeks.

One whose fear is someone she loves leaving her behind. Another whose fatal flaw is loyalty. What a pair.

#percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson pjo #percy pjo #percy jackson #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackson x you

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lovingmattysposts · 6 months

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Friends with Benefits Part 4

welcome to the illicit affairs chapter, you have been warned enjoy..

P1 P2 P3 P5 P6

paring: y/n and matt sturniolo

Summary:You and Matt are best friends, who occationaly have sex on the low. No string attached, just sex. Well, just sex for him. Little did he know you were falling in love and falling fucking fast.

warnings: smuttt (lowkey nothing major), mentions of not eating, depression, anxiety, drugs, effects of being high, drinking, cursing

first of all i just want to thank you guys so deeply for the love and the never ending requests for the next part of this series. The fact that i wrote this before i had tumblr and was never planning on releasing for others to love, blows my mind. this one is a long one and a rollercoaster, love y'all.

xoxo, Autumn.

Y/n pov

I never thought my body or mind could handle the amount of pain it's endured over these past few days. Never thought the amount of tears that have come out of me was possible either. But here we are. I haven't let my bed in days. I've just been watching reruns of the vampire diares and the notebook feeling sorry for myself. Yeah, I'll admit it. I have nothing else to do but feel what i'm feeling and I think that's the worst kind of punishment you can have.

I heard the door of my room creek open. I glanced over seeing Lucy peek in my room. She smiled. I just looked at her. "Good, you're up" She smiled walking in with a plate of food. I sighed leaning back as she walked up to my bed.

"I made eggs, hash brown casserole, I know how much you love that so I made extra" She smiled up at me. I smiled softly at her. "Bacon and some fruit" She pointed to the plate. "Well-I didn't make the fruit, but I cut it" She said laughing to herself. I just looked at the plate of food.

"You don't have to eat it, but I thought If you did get hungry you could have something good" She said setting the plate down on my side table. "Thanks Luce" I said softly. She nodded but didn't leave.

"I know this is the last thing you wanna hear right now, but how are you doing?" She asked cautiously. I just looked down at my lap. Just hearing the sentence tore my heart in two. I breathed, leaning back.

"Better" I lied. She smiled and nodded. She looked down at my shirt-Matt's shirt. I hadn't taken it off since Lucy gave it back to me that night. It's the only part of him I have left. The only smell of him left in this house. The only thing that I can keep of him. I looked down at the shirt and looked away from her.

"If you need anything-anything at all-" She said looking up at me. "I know Lucy" I breathed, she nodded and started to walk away, but I sat up. "Lucy?" I asked making her turn around. She raised her eyebrows looking at me. "Has-" I bit my lip. "Has he texted you at all?" I whispered. She sighed looking down, before shaking her head slightly. I sighed before nodding.

"Okay I just thought-" I stopped myself. "Okay" I nodded pulling the covers back over me. I let out a breath, before I heard Lucy close the door to my room. I felt tears come on again. He hasn't even tried to reach out. It must really be over. I don't think I can maintain a reality without Matt. I let out a shaky breath as I felt a tear drop onto my nose. I wiped it quickly, imagining it was Matt, telling me everything was going to be okay. But it wasn't and it was never going to be.

I closed my eyes as a silent sob came out as I gripped the T-shirt inhaling his scent. The scent I loved so much. The scent I craved. The scent that was like a drug, because it was his.

They said that grief comes in waves. That there are different 'stages' as people say. They say you can go back and forth between stages but they usually most of the time stay in order. It's been almost an entire week since that dreadful night and I've allowed myself to cry and cry and cry. Cry on the shower floor, cry in bed, cry in front of the mirror and I was done with it.

I was still hurt, I felt it in my chest like an elephant laying on my chest, but tonight I wanted to move past what I was feeling. To mask it. To forget about it, even if it was just for a few hours. If I could trick my brain into thinking about anything other than Matt Sturniolo for just a few hours, I didn't care If that meant it would take me twice as long to get over him.

I felt my phone buzz beside me. I stood frozen for a second, before hesitantly picking up my phone. I opened my phone to messages and sighed when I saw a text from Tommy.

from:Tommy Boy

Ayo Y/n/n, party tonight at Zao's place. It'd be cool if you came be there or be 🟥

I shook my head and smiled at the text. Tommy. An old friend of mine, we have been friends since high school. I've known him for like forever. We've always been close but ever since I started seeing Matt, we stopped hanging out so much. That and the fact that he's a hard-score stoner. Not really my vibe, but he was always a good friend and fun to be around nonetheless.

That was until Matt was around him and that whole thing went down about 2 months into our friends with benefits thing.

"Shut the fuck up" I died laughing pushing Tommy's chest. Tommy laughed looking down. Matt stood beside me on my left while Tommy spoke in front of us with a joint in between his finger.

"I swear you did. You looked the guy in the eyes and said that If his pull out game was a strong as his attitude maybe he wouldn't have knocked Sarah up" Tommy said reminiscing on an old story from high school. I wiped tears from my eyes as I laughed. I shook my head.

"I was drunk" I stated. "Still a badass move" He said taking a rip from the joint. I looked up at Matt, who's eyes were fixated on Tommy. "Why don't you ever come around anymore Y/n/n? The guys miss you. Even Blake, who you shitted on so hard." Tommy laughed. I rolled my eyes smiling.

"You're the only girl cool enough to smoke with, everyone else is so uptight nowadays" He sighed. I glanced up at Matt who's eyes were still on Tommy. I sighed looking down. "You know life lately is crazy. I've just been caught up in shit" I said looking at him. He nodded looking down and then at Matt.

"Or caught up in your little boyfriend" He motioned to Matt. I glanced at Matt who's jaw was hard. "Oh we're not-" I started to say. "We're not together" Matt said over me. I looked at him, but he didn't look down at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked back at Tommy.

"Yeah" I said quietly. Why did that kind of sting? Tommy looked between us. "Dude, you're an idiot. If she'd give me the chance, I'd hop on that a long time ago" Tommy said taking another hit. Matt bit the inside of his cheek, his chest raising. I looked over at Tommy.

"Tommy" I felt my face go red. He rolled his eyes. "Oh come on y/n/n, I was kidding. You rejected me out-the-bat freshman year. I got the memo. I'm just saying you're a hot chick either way." He chuckled. I looked over at Matt who grabbed my arm slightly and pulled me away. I waved a slight wave at Tommy who smiled shaking his head.

I turned to Matt who's face was hard. "Matt" I said through gritted teeth as he dragged me back inside. He let me go and stopped in front of me. "What the fuck?" I whispered up at him.

"You can't hang out with him anymore" He said looking down at me. I scoffed. "Excuse me?" I asked raising my eyebrows. He looked to the side before back down at me. "He's a dickhead and did you see the way he was looking at your tits?" He asked briefly looking down at my chest. I glared at Matt.

"You mean the way you've been staring at my tits all night?" I asked raising my eyebrows. He rolled his eyes. "He wants to fuck you Y/n, I can see it in the way he looks at you" He said shaking his head, as if it was my fault. I shook my head. "Tommy's been my friend forever Matt" I breathed.

"I don't like the way he looks at you" he sighed looking down at me. I smiled looking up at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Matt are you jealous?" I smiled. He rolled his eyes. "No I'm just telling you that he looks at you the way I do" He said softly. "Hm" I hummed pulling him against me.

"Does that make you mad?" I whispered. He just looked at me. "Because you seemed a little mad back there" I said smiling. "I just want to be the only name you're screaming for the time being" He breathed. I rolled my eyes and released my arms and started to walk past him.

"You're ridiculous" I shook my head. He grabbed my waist and pulled me back in front of him effortlessly. "If you want to go around fucking random guys, go do it. I'm not telling you not to." He said pressing against me. "I'm just saying you and I both know they don't know how to please you the way I do. They don't know where to hit the spot that makes you see stars. They don't know that you like it when you can't walk the next day. You and I both know the only eyes you want staring at your tits are mine." He said into my ear. I swallowed as he leaned in front of my face.

"Tell me you won't hang out with him anymore and I can make all those things happen right now princess" He whispered. I blinked at him as he tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. I nodded slowly as I looked into his dark eyes.

He reached up sqeezing my jaw, opening my mouth. "Didn't hear you" He said. "I won't see him anymore" I said breathlessly. He smiled. "Good" He breathed before connecting our lips.

I blinked, attempting to forget the memory. This was what I was talking about. A break from the thoughts. Old friends. It would be nice. I texted Tommy back.

To: Tommy Boy

Weirdo, guess i'll see you there 🥱

I stood up, throwing my sheets off me and ripping the shirt from my body discarding it on my bed. I looked up walking over to my mirror. Looking at myself. I leaned in, looking at my face. My eyelashes were still wet and my cheeks slightly a pink color from the tears. I put on the most convincing smile. Pretty. I leaned back looking at my body, investigating it. Pretty.

I smiled letting out a breath before walking over and turning on my speaker. I shuffled through my playlist landing on love is embarrassing by Olivia Rodrigo. I played it loudly through the speaker before looking through my closet, not thinking about anything other than the sounds screaming through my speaker.

"I told my friends you were the one after I'd know you like a month"

"and I stayed in bed for like a week, when you said space was what you need. Waited by my phone like a-"

"GOD DAMN FOOL!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and shook my head as I danced around my room. I smiled as the song played, this felt good. I held up tops in the mirror before landing on a new one I had just got last week. I jumped up and down as the song played, swinging my head around, singing along. I pulled the top over my head as I moved over to pick out some jeans.

"love's embarrassing as hell" I sang to myself.

I suddenly heard my door crack open. Lucy walked in with her eyes wide as she watched me slide the jeans on smiling.

"Get dressed!" I said over the music with a smile. She looked at me concerned. "Y/n, you're scaring me" She said withe straight face. I rolled my eyes and smiled walking over to her. "Come on, do you want me to be sad forever in here or do you want to go out and be normal?" I asked looking down at her. She just looked up at me, like she wasn't sure if i was serious.

She glanced to my speaker

"and I'd give up, I'd give up everything-" I smiled and jumped to the music, walking over to her. "And i'm planning out my wedding, for some guy i'm NEVER MARRYING!" I yelled moving around her. She just stared at me like I was a freak, and maybe I was, who cares. I sighed looking at her as the song ended.

"No tears, No sadness, No M-" I stopped myself, swallowing. She raised her eyebrows at me. "I'll let you wear my Chanel top" I said suddenly. Her mouth fell open. "Wow, you're serious" she said looking at me. I nodded. She smiled. "Deal" She breathed running to my dresser.

Matt pov

I heard my door crack open, but I didn't move. Normally If I just didn't move they would think I was asleep and they would leave.

"Nick went to drop Nate and Justin off at the airport" I heard Chris's voice say. I didn't say anything and I heard him sigh. "Matt" He stated. I rolled over and looked at him. He looked sadly down at me.

"You can't stay in here forever" He said walking fully into my room, making me groan. He stopped and crossed his arms. "You've been in here all week long, in the dark, alone" He said looking down at me. I just looked up at him. "It's getting sad" He breathed. I looked away from him.

"Are you done now?" I asked pulling the blankets back over to me. I heard him walk over and sit on my bed. I looked over at him. "Did you text Lucy?" He asked quietly. I looked down before pulling up my phone and pulling up the texts

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 1 11:48pm

Lucy, is she okay? Please I just need to know if she's okay.

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 1 11:52pm

I need to talk to her. She didn't give me a chance. I have to make sure she's okay.

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 2 1:03am

I know she likes to go home to her parents when she's stressed. Is she there? Is she at the apartment? Is she doing okay? Does she want to see me?

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 3 11:58am

Lucy. Im dying here just tell me that she's okay. I don't want to overwhelm her, does she want to see me?

to: Lucy (Y/n/n roomie) Aug. 4 3:07pm

I can't live without her please.

Chris looked up from the phone after scanning the messages. "Not a single response?" He asked, I shook my head. He sighed. "Maybe you should just text Y/n" He said looking at me. I looked up at the ceiling, feeling my heart clench even at her name. I let out a breath.

"I can't say what I need to say over the phone to her. She won't listen unless I make her" I said softly. Chris looked at me and sighed. "Then make her listen" He said standing up. "You said you wanted to fix this. You're saying you don't want to lose her, but you're letting her walk away" He said shaking his head. I bit my lip, he was right.

"What do I do?" I asked looking at him. He bit his lip, thinking. "Do you remember what happened when her dog died last year?" He asked looking down at me. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Chris I'm serious-" I said sitting up. He shook his head. "Think. How did she react?" He said looking at me. I squinted and looked down at my lap.

"She loved that damn dog like a child, she was devestated" I explained, remembering. He nodded. "She cried for a week straight and then she-" I paused sitting up. He raised his eyebrows at me smiling. "She snapped out of it for a couple hours and made us all go downtown to some party, she said it was how she processed things like it was like clockwork" I breathed looking at him. He nodded as he looked down at his phone.

"There a party on sunset, her old friends are there. If I had to guess that's where she'd be" Chris said standing up. I stood up quickly running to get my keys.

Y/n pov

"Drink" I said handing Lucy a bottle. She shoved it away from herself. "I'm driving remember" She shook her head. I sighed. "How am I suppose to have fun without you drinking withe me?" I whined. She rolled her eyes. "I'm here to make sure you don't do anything stupid" She smiled. I rolled my eyes before looking around.

"Like what?" I asked turning back to her. "Like hooking up with a random guy, or puking everywhere" She said narrowing her eyes at me. I sighed before pointing to guy. "Why? He's cute" I frowned looking at the boy. She lowered my hand. "He looks like Matt, and I'm not listening to you cry tomorrow morning after you regret it" She said looking at me. I rolled my eyes before bringing the bottle back up to my lips. She lowered the bottle.

"Slow down" She said softly. "Drink every time you say the M-word. I've made it my little game" I smiled sarcastically. She rolled her eyes. "I appreciate you wanting to move on Y/n/n, but you're deflecting. You realize you have to process these emotions at some point right?" She asked, making me walk away from her.

"I can't hear you! To busy deflecting!" I yelled as I walked away. I rolled my eyes as I set down the bottle and walked towards the bathroom. I knocked on the door and sighed as I waited. I saw a guy start to walk up to me. I just looked at him.

"Hey" He breathed. "Hey" I said looking down. "Where are you from?" He smiled looking down at me. I looked to the side and then back up at him. "Were in California aren't we?" I asked looking at him. He furrowed his eyebrows and smiled. "So?" He asked. "Use context clues" I smiled sarcastically. He laughed and looked down.

"I'm Thomas" He held out his hand. I looked down at his hand. "And I'm not interested" I smiled. He dropped his hand. "Boyfriend?" He asked. I sighed looking down. "Complicated" I explained. He nodded. I suddenly felt a wave of guilt come over me.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude, I've just had a hard week" I sighed. He shook his head. "You're okay, I get it. This city will get to you" He laughed. I nodded smiling. He reached in his pocket. "I got something to take you're mind off it if you're interested" He said holding two pills. I looked down at them, suddenly feeling nervous. I don't take pills like that.

"Oh, No thanks I don't do that kind of stuff" I said shaking it off. He shrugged. "You should" He said popping one in his mouth. I just stared at him. "You're kind of beautiful to be in something that's complicated" He said smiling down at me. I smiled, when all of the sudden I felt eyes on me.

I furrowed my eyebrows and looked around me, feeling like I was being watched. I scanned the room before my eyes stopped. Brown hair, blue eyes, black t shirt, staring at me. Matt. My heart dropped to my toes. We stared at each other. He just looked at me from across the room. My body lit on fire. I couldn't do this. No. I can't. He can't-

My body filled with panic. I had to get out of here. I looked back up at the boy standing in front of me. "Nice to meet you, I have to leave" I said turning without waiting for a response, I didn't look back at Matt as I sped in the opposite direction and walked down a hallway, walking out onto the back porch. The cold air hit me as I attempted to breath. Air. Where was the air?

"Y/n/n?"

I turned quickly and I saw Tommy sitting in a chair, along with Blake, Tyler, and a few other people I knew. I turned around and didn't see anyone following me, so I looked back at him a soft smile.

"Hey" I breathed. He stood up off the chair and walked over to me wrapping me in a hug. "Thanks for coming, It's good to see you" He smiled letting me go. I nodded smiling. "Come sit" He said motioning to the open chair. I nodded looking back towards the door, still nothing. I walked over seeing a bunch of weed, rolling papers, and trays laid out on the table in front of everyone.

I raised my eyebrows and looked at him. "Should have known I'd find you out here" I laughed lightly. He smiled and nodded as he sat down next to me and picked up the joint he was previously rolling.

"Where's that little white boy you're always with?" He asked looking up at me briefly before going back to the blunt focusing on it. I looked down at his hands and then towards the door. "Uh" I breathed. I leaned back in the chair. "I don't know" I lied shrugging. He raised his eyebrows. "I didn't scare him off too badly did I?" He chuckled, making me smile. I shook my head.

"No, he just uh-we don't-" I stopped biting my lip. He nodded looking at me. "Ah, I see. No more white boy" He said. I sighed looking at the table. "No more white boy" I said back. He smiled. "Good. Now you can hang with me again" He smiled. I laughed and shook my head at him.

He finished the blunt and held it over to me. I shook my head scrunching my nose. "You know I don't smoke" I said pushing his hands away. "Yeah you're pussy ass lungs can't handle it" He chuckled. I rolled my eyes. "Whatever Tommy" I smiled. He leaned up reaching in his bag. "If you want to get high though, me and my buddy made these this morning" He said throwing a plastic bag of brownies on the table in front of us.

I looked at the bag and then to Tommy. Ediables. He looked at me as he lit the joint in his hands, inhaling it. I shrugged. "I don't know Tommy" I breathed. He rolled his eyes. "Sounds like you just went through a shitty breakup no?" He asked raising his eyebrows. I pursed my lips, looking down.

"And you're here to get over that because you wouldn't be here right now if white boy had a say. Am I right?" He asked leaning his hands on his knees. I sighed looking up at him. He shrugged leaning back. "I know you, you're deflecting" He pointed at me smiling. I pushed his shoulder shaking my head.

"Did you drink?" He asked. "A bit" A said quietly. "Then if you take an ediable it just intensifise the drunk part, you'll be good" He nodded. I sighed looking at it. "Just eat the damn brownie y/n/n" Tyler said from the other side of me, clearly high out of his mind. I groaned picking up the bag and staring at it.

Did I really want to do this? What would Matt say? Why wasn't he coming and looking for me? I bit my lip. Does he not care? Why is he here?

I closed my eyes. Get out of your head Y/n. This was the whole purpose of tonight. Forget about it for a little while. Just eat that damn brownie.

I blinked my eyes opened. "Girl, you're freaking me out" Blake laughed. I glared at him. "Shut up, don't you have a baby at home?" I said his face dropped as Tommy and Tyler laughed.

I opened the bag and took the brownie out. I looked at it before taking a bite and chewing it. Tommy just looked at me as I swallowed it. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"Damn girl that was a big ass bite" Tyler laughed. "Ew, it tastes like grass" I laughed. Tommy nodded. "That's what it is dumbass" he said making me laugh. I sighed and leaned back. This would be good for me. Wouldn't it?

Matt pov

I practically ran out of my car and up to the front of the house, my heart beating out of my chest. Was she safe? Was she okay? Was she talking to another guy? My breathing was unsteady as I walked through the front door. My anxiety was at an all time high. I didn't even know if she was here. Something in my chest told me she was. I took in a breath as the crowd of people around me appeared.

I glanced around, looking for her. Face after face, nothing. I didn't recognize anyone. I swallowed as I moved through the crowd. How did I let it get to this point? I waited too long. My heart pounded against my chest, I could hear it in my ears. Please be here. Please be here. I moved by some people, one girl attempting to talk to me but I completely ignored her.

Y/n.Y/n.Y/n. Was the only thing I could hear in my mind. The music blaring so loud but I couldn't even hear it as I looked at girl after girl. None of them her. I walked into the kitchen, letting out a breath.

"Where are you?" I whispered glancing around the room. I walked past a group of people moving into the living room. My eyes scanned the room. My heart dropped when I saw her. She was leaned up against the wall, looking down. She looked so beautiful. Her jeans hugging all the right curves and her eyelashes batting slightly down, her hair tied up to show her face. I let a smile come to my face. Mine.

"Thank you God" I whispered. I let out a breath, before stepping forward but stopping when I saw a guy approach her. I stood frozen. My feet practically cemented to the ground as anger rose on my face.

I saw his mouth move, she glanced up at him responding and then looking back down. I just watched them from across the room. He spoke again, her face screaming 'i'm not interested' as she glanced away from him as she spoke.

Her sarcastic smile, made me smile. She wasn't interested. I let out a breath. He held out his hand but she just looked down at it and then back up at him with a straight face. This boy has no idea what he's doing clearly. She kept speaking to him and I saw him reach into his pocket saying something and holding two pills out in his hands. My heart dropped along with my smile.

Y/n don't. My mind screamed, but my feet wouldn't move. She looked down at his hands and shook her head. He shrugged before taking one.Y/n walk away. I wanted to scream. He said something making her smile. My face tightened, then her eyebrows furrowed as she glanced around the room, before her eyes landed on me.

The power of her gaze, of her acknowledgement almost making me sick. I swallowed as I saw the expression her face change, her face turned white as she stared back at me. We just looked at each other as I saw a million thoughts race through her head. She quickly turned back to the guy in front of her and said something before bolting in the opposite direction.

My heart dropped. No, please. I stepped forward, but felt someone grab my arm, pulling me backwards. I turned around glaring when I saw it was Lucy.

"What the hell are you doing here?" She snapped. I let out a breath, looking down at her. "Remove your arm from me now Lucy" I stated calmly. She roughly let go of my arm. "You're lucky i'm not ripping it clean-off dickhead" She spat at me. I pinched the bridge of my nose. There's no way I'm dealing with this right now.

"Seriously. What are you doing here? You need to leave" She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not leaving" I said shaking my head looking at her. Her face hardened. "She doesn't need this. Not tonight. Not right now. She's trying to move on. Why won't you let her?" She said shaking her head looking up at me. I swallowed. "She's deflecting. She's not moving on. You don't call this moving on" I said motioning to the party around me.

"You don't think I know that Matt? She's my best friend" She sighed looking at me. I turned looking towards the direction she walked. "Don't" Lucy warned making me look back at her. I glared harshly. "Do you know what you've done to that poor girl? She hasn't left her room in a week. She's not talking to me- She's not eating. God, she's not even herself!" She yelled at me. My heart clenched. I looked down at my feet, swallowing imagining what Y/n's been going through completely alone.

"Why didn't you respond to my texts?" I asked looking at her. She sighed looking to the side and then back to me. "Because you don't get to know how she's doing Matt. You don't get to know if she's talked about you or if she wants to see you or any of that shit Matt, because you're not apart of her life anymore. You don't get the priveledge of knowing what's happening with her at all" She shook her head. I bit my lip. She was right. I didn't deserve to know anything.

"Did you tell her I've been texting you?" I asked raising my eyebrows. She just looked at me with pursed lips. "Lucy, come on." I groaned. She shook her head holding her hands up. "I'm not apologizing for it either. It's better for her if she thinks you haven't reached out" She said looking at me. I shook my head letting out a shaky breath.

"You don't understand Lucy. You don't understand anything about us. We're-" I stopped. Why was I sitting here explaining this to her and not searching for Y/n. "I'm not doing this. I'm going to find her" I said turning and walking away. She grabbed my arm again stopping me.

"Not if I can help it, leave Matt. She doesn't want you here" She said glaring at me. I ripped my arm away. "Lucy" I said closing my eyes letting out an angry breath. "No, you can't keep playing this game with her! You're selfish! You're-" She yelled at me.

"I love her goddammit!" I yelled back, her face dropped. I just looked down at her shaking my head. "I'm so fucking in love with her, I can't even think straight" I breathed. She closed her eyes sighing. "You're an idiot Matthew" She breathed calmly. I bit my lip. "Don't you think I know that? I'm trying to fix this" I said feeling tears brim at my eyes. She tapped her foot, looking at me contemplating believing me.

"I c-can't live without her please" I whispered looking at her. She rolled her eyes before looking at me sadly. She licked her lips. "You check upstairs, I'll ask around if anyone saw where she went" She said looking at me with a straight expression. I sighed a breath of relief and smiled.

"Thank you" I breathed. She nodded looking annoyed. "Go" she waved me on. I nodded before turning and running towards the steps. I could barley see, my mind was racing as I ran up the steps of the house. I looked from side to side, seeing people crowding the hallways. I sighed, worry filling my chest. I walked to the bathroom and banged on the door.

"Someone's in here" I heard a girl say. I banged on the door harder. I few seconds later two girls I didn't recognize opened the door with a annoyed expression. "Geez how bad do you have to pee?" One blonde said angrily. I looked behind them, she wasn't in there.

"Fuck" I whispered before turning down the hall, opening a door walking in seeing a group of people sitting and talking. None of them were her. I swallowed walking out without saying anything. Opening door after door, people making out, people doing drugs, people passed out. Not one were her.

I swung one door open to see two people full on having sex. I closed my eyes and slammed the door, trying to delete the imagine from my brain. I shook with disgust. God, I hope that's not what we look like.

I opened the door beside it and saw two people pressed against each other against the wall. My heart dropped, brown hair, jeans. Please, no. Please, no. I froze looking at them. Y/n No please no, don't be you. God please don't let it be her. Not her. Not mine. Someone else's not mine.

The two people pulled apart glaring over at me. Blue eyes, big nose, not her. I sighed of relief, leaning back. "Sorry" I breathed walking out of the room, closing the door. I closed my eyes and sighed.

Y/n, where were you?

Y/n pov

"If you think about it science fiction is not really science fiction because the fiction part of it might actually be true, we just don't know it yet" Tyler said looking up. We all looked at him with a blank stare.

"Dude" Tommy laughed leaning back. Blake started dying laughing and I chuckled to myself, shaking my head as smoke circled around me. "I hate this conversation" I laughed. "Then let's talk about you" Tommy said motioning to me. I shook my head leaning back. "Let's not" I smiled. He rolled his eyes.

"You feeling anything yet?" He asked, I shrugged. "Not really" I replied. "Then eat the rest" He motioned to the half finished brownie. I furrowed my eyebrows looking down at it. "Dude" Tyler said looking over at Tommy. "What? She must have a high tolerence" He shrugged. I just glanced between them. I was feeling it a little bit, I was a tad foggy but not high.

"Should I?" I asked looking at him. He glanced over at me. "Are you still thinking about white boy?" He asked taking another hit of his joint. I sighed looking down. His face, eyes, smile, and voice came over my mind like a storm. I bit my lip.

"Eat the brownie" He said clearly knowing my answer. I sighed picking up the brownie eating the rest slowly. Tommy smiled as he went on to talk with the rest of the people around us. We'd been sitting out here for almost 30 minutes now. I engaged in the conversation here and there, but mostly just listened. I was really trying to feel the effects of the entire weed brownie I just ingested.

Now, I feel kind of stupid. Turning to drugs just to forget. I placed my hand against my forehead. God, i'm an idiot. I looked towards the door. I wondered If Matt left. I wondered if he came to see me or happened to be here and saw me and the left. I wondered if he missed me, or at least the sex. God. I leaned back looking up at the sky.

I was calm. I smiled to myself, wait this was cool.

"Y/n/n?"

I looked up and everyone was looking at me. I smiled loosley at them. Tommy chuckled. "You feeling it sweetheart?" He asked. I nodded, feeling myself start to laugh. Tommy shook his head smiling.

I missed Tommy. I wondered if he did want to fuck me though, I wondered if Matt was right. I scrunched my nose. Ew. Thinking about having sex with anyone other than Matt made me physically Ill. I wondered If Matt thought the same thing. Ah, Matt. He's so cute. His eyes were so blue. I loved him so much. Why was I mad at him again?

I blinked slowly, trying to regain my thoughts. Wow, my head hurt. I swallowed leaning up and sitting forward, but my vision came afterwards. I closed my eyes grasping my hands on the sides of the chair, trying to regain my sense of movement. I blinked my eyes open. Fuck. My vision was going in and out of focus and the people around me were here and then they weren't. The voices around me I no longer could hear. The chirping of the crickets around us were no longer chirpping.

I closed my eyes. Focus. You're just freaking yourself out, it's just weed. Just a drug, control yourself. You're stronger than it. I suddenly felt a jolt, as if someone touched me. My eyes shot open as I flinched, I gripped the sides of my chair.

I looked around and everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I looked around, horrified. Tommy leaned into me. "You....Okay?" His voice was slow. I squinted my eyes at him. Why was he talking so slow? I just looked at him trying to understand him. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest. Oh no. Oh god no. I was too aware of my heart beating and I was too aware of my breathing as I attempted to breathe in.

I saw the door open that led out to where we were. I glanced slowly and I saw what looked like Matt, the boy I loved so much. But he wasn't here. Was he? I narrowed my eyes and saw Matt sighed and a worried expression spread across my face. I squinted my face as I gripped the sides of the chair harder, screaming in my head. Fuck.

Matt, help. Matt help me please. Baby. Please. Help, I'm so high. Help, I think I'm dying. I'm freaking out. I can't breathe.

eekkkk live laugh love life uhh see yall tomorrow? (im sorry)

tag list: @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @miastromboli @secret-sturniolo @strunsclutter @sturniolodreamz @ejswift @mmm1234 @dandeluvr @paper-crab @mwah0mwah

#nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #matt sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #Spotify

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lizthewriter · 9 months

Note

Hi! I love your fan fictions! I was wondering (First time requesting ever) if you could do a FIC for Mattheo or Theodore based on exile and the readers dealing with self hate,anxiety, autsim, adhd, Depression, and they feel so alone and push him away because the readers scared to accept her feelings and afraid she’ll get left, and no one loves or cares about her?

AUTHOR'S NOTE Oh my God, thank you so much for sending in a request! This is actually the first request I have ever received, so this is a first for us both! By exile, I'm assuming you mean the song exile by Taylor Swift. Here's a little blurb just for you anon! And thank you for the compliment, I'm glad you love my fanfics! Sending love and good vibes your way

Honestly, I tried my best with this. I've gone through depression and self-hate, and I am currently dealing with anxiety and ADHD. I don't know too much about autism, but I really tried my hardest to convey what you've requested. I hope this is satisfactory!

exile / mattheo riddle

PAIRING Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader

SUMMARY Everything in your life feels like it's going wrong and there's nothing you can do to change it. What once brought you joy only leaves you numb. What once excited you now only bored you. What you loved only saw you as a friend.

Taking shelter in an empty classroom during a panic attack, Mattheo Riddle finds you a sobbing mess on the stone floors. You find out that he likes you more than you think he does.

TAGS Mattheo Riddle x fem!Reader, angst, hurt/comfort, self-hate, depression, anxiety, stress, ADHD, autism, exams, panic attack, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, fluff, happy ending, kissing

"All this time, / we always walked a very thin line, / you didn't even hear me out," - exile, Taylor Swift feat. Bon Iver

WORD COUNT 2.0K

WRITTEN 23.08.2023

pt. 2 here, karma

You sat in Transfiguration, leg bouncing nervously as you stared down at the test questions. You have always been a terrible test-taker - all the pressure of having to get good marks in such a limited time period and all this weight on your shoulders with the upcoming NEWT's made you more than nervous. Your brows were furrowed in both concentration and confusion. As you were gnawing on the end of your quill, McGonagall announced that it was time for you to place your quills down and pack your things. You let out a shaky sigh, placing down your quill. How could you not answer a simple question? Everyone else seemed to be finding the material easy, why couldn't you? You sat there, beating yourself up as you quickly packed your things away and left class.

You left Transfiguration by yourself and headed back to your dorm. Not only were you doing poorly in your classes, you also happened to be insanely in love with someone in your year. And, of course, you had to fall in love with the most unavailable person. Not only was he not interested in girls, he would never be interested in someone like you. I mean, why would he? What made you so special? And he has referred to you as a mate on so many occasions that if you had a nickel for every one, you'd surely be drowning in an ocean of them. Oh, and not only that, but you didn't really have friends. Most of the people you knew were dating and had at least one best friend. But you? No, you may know a variety of people but you couldn't call any of them a good friend, even. You didn't understand what you were doing wrong. Why was everyone else living happy, productive lives while you were stuck being miserable, alone, and depressed?

I mean, you lost all interest in everything. You couldn't find the joy in reading or taking walks about the grounds anymore. Your schoolwork was taking a turn for worse and you found yourself and bored and tired of your classes. Your grades were slipping, you had no friends, no partner, no nothing. Everything just felt wrong, wrong, wrong. And all you could do was sit there and blame yourself.

You knew you wouldn't be able to make it to your dorm to find the privacy to cry- you quickly ducked into the nearest room, curled up into the corner, and burst into sobs. It was all just too much and too little at the same time. You just felt like you couldn't deal with all this anymore. If you didn't deserve to be happy, than maybe you didn't deserve to be at all. Your hands bunched up into fists, lightly hitting your head at your temples. You hated your thoughts, the way your brain worked. You hated how you could think about everything all at once. You just wanted it all to stop, all to end.

You didn't hear the sounds of footsteps passing the classroom - Mattheo had only been walking by, skipping out on Potions, when he heard you. When he glanced into the classroom and saw you crying there, he couldn't help himself.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

You froze, sniffling, your chest heaving for air. You hadn't heard him and was caught off guard. Quickly, you wiped your face with the edge of your sleeve, collecting your bag from the ground and hiking it up your shoulder. "Nothing - nothing's wrong."

He ducked his head, his lips set into a thin-line as he observed you. "I'm not stupid. I can see that you're crying."

Great. Now you had offended the only person, perhaps, that even cared to talk to you for more than five minutes. He must hate you right now. Depise you. Think you to be cruel. "I didn't mean to say you were stupid." It was hard to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill over the threshold. You wiped your eyes with the end of your sleeve again. Why should he care about you? He must be pitying you now, surely he would have no other reason to act so concerned. Even if he did, he would one day realize that you were never as good as he thought you.

His gaze softened, the edges of his lips curling up slightly. He approached you, raising his hand to wipe away a tear that had collected in the inner corner of your eye. "'S all right, darling. Don't cry. Just talk with me about it, hm?"

Your chest heaved as you took in a shaky breath. "W-why do you care? I'm sure you have better things to do." You let out a weak laugh, backing away from his touch. "I mean, come on, don't you have Potions right now?"

"Why do I - I care about you. Do you need a reason why?"

"Yes, I do, actually," you responded, cringing at how snarky you sounded.

Mattheo let out a sigh. "I care about you because you're beautiful, inside and out. I care about you because you make me laugh. And you make me feel better when I've had a shit day. I care about you because no one makes my heart flutter like you do." His voice got smaller as he took a step towards you, and gradually raised his hands to cup your cheeks. He drew your gaze to his eyes, those beautiful brown eyes. His expression was rather serious, as though he were trying to affirm his words. "I care about you cause you're the only person who's ever really cared about me."

You trembled beneath the soft caress of his knuckcles, meeting his eyes for a short moment before shoving him away. A brief moment of hurt echoed through his eyes as you shook your head, backing away from him. "No, no you don't. I don't. And even if you did . . . " You found your voice trailing off. You hiked the strap of your bag up your shoulder again, having slipped down your arm. "I should go. I have History of Magic soon and I don't want to be late."

Mattheo glanced at you and then down at the floor, his jaw clenched. "Fine. I won't stand in your way then."

You spent the majority of your time avoiding Mattheo, but you knew there'd be a day when you would run into him and you couldn't do anything about it. Today was that day, almost two weeks after the aforementioned incident.

You were curled up in the Astronomy Tower, late at night, lying on top of a blanket as you glanced up at the stars. It was perhaps the only moment of peace you had found in a while - maybe it was the whistle of wind or the glittering of the stars.

You should've known he'd be up here. He's always sneaking off places late at night, the highest points of the castle. You heard your name being called and turned around to see a surprised Mattheo. He stood but a few feet from yourself. You weren't exactly sure what to do - in your panic, you did nothing.

"Erm - may I sit down?"

You didn't say anything for a moment, drawing your legs into your chest and resting your head upon your knees. You nodded ever so slightly, glancing away from him as he plopped down next to you. His shoulder brushed up against yours and he leaned forward to try and catch your eyes, mimicking your seated position.

"Hey, I'm sorry about the other day. I should've stayed there with you . . ." His voice trailed off. He let out a sigh as he leaned back on both palms, now spraying out his legs across the blanket. He stared put at the stars, his expression neither upset nor particularly happy. "I don't think you really meant it when you said you didn't care about me. I know you do. I just want to know why you're trying to convince yourself that you don't." He paused, hesitating. "Is it because you think I don't feel the same way about you? 'Cause you can erase that thought from your mind. I like you - really, really like you. And I don't know why exactly you keep pushing me away, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen."

He bathed in your silence, not necessarily perturbed by it. He finally decided to test the waters, raising his hand to gently touch yours. He seemed fascinated with you as he ran his fingernail gently across your skin.

You didn't know whether you wanted to tell him or not. You didn't know if you could trust him. If he wouldn't just laugh in your face, call you a fool, and leave you a pitiful mess. But Salazar, did you want to spill your heart out to him. And in the mental state you were in now, coupled with your fatigue, you didn't even care anymore.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't have any friends. I'm not particularly close with my family. And everytime I did start to make a friend or - or something more, they'd just leave." You wrapped your arms tighter around your legs. "I always wondered, what's wrong with me? Do I say the wrong things? Act the wrong way? Am I really so despisable that people actively go out of their way to ignore me?" You scoffed. "Guess I must be some kind of horrible person then."

"That's not true," Mattheo said immediately, surging forward in anger. "You're an amazing person. Whoever has just left you or treated you like that, they're arseholes. I won't do that to you. Never. I don't care how many times I have to say it 'til it gets through that pretty little head of yours, I like you, I care about you, I want to make you happy . . . and if leaving you alone and pretending like I never admitted that to you makes you happy, then that's what I'll do." He waited for your response, painfully hoping for a verbal one. However, you remained silent. Mattheo felt his heart sink. "Right then. Well."

He began to push himself off the floor to get up, but you quickly grabbed his hand. "Wait!" you exclaimed in alarm, finally meeting his eyes. "I - I lied before. I do care about you. Please don't go. Please."

Mattheo sat back down with an easy-going grin, like he knew he had you right where he wanted you.

"You really like me?" You asked, both breathless and doubtful all at once.

"Do you need me to prove it to you?" His grin grew smug.

"Yes, actually."

"All right then." Mattheo raised his hand to rest under your chin, tilting your head slightly to the side so you were facing him directly. Your eyes widened as he drew closer, his eyes glancing between your eyes and your lips. Breath growing shallow, you tensed as you could feel his humid breath on your lips. "I can prove it to you right now, if you let me."

You wasted no time in smashing your lips against his, hands coming up to cup both of his cheeks. Your eyes were shut tight as you relished in the feeling of his buttery smooth lips running against yours. He was a bit more passionate tha you had expected, but he had been waiting for years to do this. And whatever his imagination could try to conjure, it was nothing compared to the real thing.

Mattheo was the one to pull away but he was soon back to give you a quick peck, sming against your lips. "You're amazing - I don't think I'll ever be leaving you after a kiss like that."

You finally grinned, a true grin, gor the first time in a long time, and brought his face back down to yours to kiss under the stars.

Thank you all for reading! Be sure to like, reblog, and comment! I really appreciate it ^^. If you have any requests, by inbox is open but make sure to check the list of characters I write for here. If you want to be tagged in any upcoming fics/headcanons of mine, let me know. If you want to see more from me, go ahead and check out my masterlist here!

#— [ glizzy posts ☆ ]#mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #mattheo x you #mattheo riddle headcanons #mattheo riddle headcanon #slytherin boys #fanfiction #my writing #my fanfiction #my fic #writing #harry potter #fanfic

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strongheartneteyam · 9 months

Text

Realize where you belong.

Chapter 9

Pairing: neteyam sully x female!dreamwalker!reader/female!human!reader

CW: wholesome fluff, a good amount of angst, lo'ak being nosy lol jk he's genuinely trying to look after neteyam, descriptions of masturbation, TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of depressive symptoms, reader meeting neteyam in her avatar body, neteyam and reader vent to each other about their struggles, sensitive themes, hurt/comfort, cuddling, sexual tension, kissing, sexual content, mentions of sexual fluids, neteyam slightly begging to mate with reader, foreplay (i don't know if it counts but it definitely is teasing in a sexual way). Tell me if I missed something ♡

Hello, my cute little readers! I got a little better in terms of my fibro flare up and have been feeling a little better emotionally/mentally these days, so, I was able to write again. There's a slight chance that some paragraphs are a bit confusing. I didn't fully proofread it. I'm sorry, my babies, I'm really tired right now, really achy, still. And I'm extremely hungry and there's some delicious homemade orange cake in front of me waiting to be eaten 😍 I've already eaten two pieces of it and drank a full cup of coffee with milk but I NEED to eat more bc I'm still starving and I love cake and coffee 🤤 idk about other countries but it's a tradition that we have here in Brazil to eat cake and drink coffee, together 🤍 anyways I gotta shut up now lol Hope you enjoy this chapter! I'd love to read your lovely comments down below 👉🏻👈🏻 I love y'all SO MUUUCH 😘

Slightly proofread.

Chapter 8

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

No way out of your quicksand

But I can breathe underneath

Take your love, cover me

Pull me down, pull me down

You are wonderful

You've taken all of my heart

It was so worth the fall

Don't let go

Quicksand (Bridgit Mendler)

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Today you felt anxious but excited. It was your first day off in a week. You were gonna Dreamwalk in your Avatar today. But you were not gonna be on a solo mission this time. Neteyam would be by your side. You two had planned to meet each other next to the river you always loved to play in. You had always loved running water.

Having Neteyam around felt like a breath of fresh air to you since you never truly felt at home amidst other human beings and, after so many years, it started to feel like a joke to you to insist on trying to fit into a society that seemed to not even want you there, in the first place. Most people behaved towards you like you were weird in some way. Neteyam never made you feel that way. You did not know if it was in view of the fact that he was na'vi or if it was just because he was in love with you.

You had always preferred to live among plants, insects, songs, books, animals… on your own little world, since you were a little girl. Everybody used to call you a daydreamer, saying you had your head on the clouds. When you were a child, you did not let that get under your skin. That's the beauty of childhood wonder, it has a lot of wisdom in it that we seem to forget, once we start growing up. Your little self never cared about those "demonstrations of care and concern" (that were nothing but condescending criticism and you never understood why people tried to conceal that fact if it was so obvious) because you knew you were not crazy or completely oblivious to reality like they used to say. Your fun and whimsical inner world was what felt like home to you, not the everyday mundane routine, the protocols that seemed ridiculously stupid to you, the shallow conversations and gossip… the over-all human society. It fucking sucked, if you were going to be totally honest.

It's not that you hated your own kind. No. It's just that you hated the way they built their empires, throughout history, the tainted legacy the ancestors left for the ones to come in the future - like a dying Planet, for example -, because of their own stupidity and recklessness.

You knew you were not harming anyone - yourself included - despite always engaging in daydreaming, all alone, with your earbuds on or just staring at a beautiful landscape and your grip on reality was still in check. Your grip on reality was actually so tight, your fingers would get hurt and start to bleed sometimes, because reality is a double bladed sword. It keeps you safe and stable, it is needed for you to not go bonkers, but it also cuts you deep with its sharp edges.

༊⁀➷

Neteyam prepared to go out today to meet you during the day for the first time after the both of you became mates. It was just like Eywa had blessed him as he was able to finish all his duties to the clan and his training a little earlier than the usual today. Or maybe the Great Mother had nothing to do with it and it was all Neteyam making the greatest effort ever just to be able to spend some time with you in the daylight and finally see you in your na'vi body again. He missed seeing you like that. He missed the way your tail would wag softly showing you were feeling happy, he missed looking at your stripes and thinking they were the most beautiful stripes he had ever seen and most of all, he missed admiring the way you loved his planet, the way you respected and appreciated Eywa instead of hurting her.

When Neteyam was taking his bow and arrows and putting them on his back, ready to go into the woods to meet you, Lo'ak approached him, suspicious.

"Where are you going, bro?"

"To the forest. Maybe I can hunt for some food and if I'm lucky I'll bring us some good meat for dinner." Neteyam smiled and gave his younger brother a head pat, rapidly walking out of the Sully's hut door

Lo'ak wanted to yell something to his older brother, something like "I know there's something you're not telling me" but he did not. If Neteyam was hiding something, it would probably not be something that would harm him - Neteyam. Everybody knew how responsible - to the point of being annoying, sometimes - Neteyam was. Lo'ak used to get Neteyam into trouble all the time back when they were just teenagers and he was trying not to do that as much as he used to, even though he was not exactly doing a great job - he was doing a terrible job, actually - but he was still trying. He would still keep an eye on his older brother - "It seems like the tables have turned, huh?" Lo'ak thought - but he would leave him alone to do whatever he was going to do in the forest. He knew Neteyam did not have much free time for himself and he sometimes felt sorry for him, seeing him so tired and even stressed out really often because of his Olo'eyktan to be training and his responsibilities as the older brother. Lo'ak used to hold some grudges on his older brother when he was younger but now he understood that Neteyam actually struggled a lot too.

Neteyam pretended to not notice anything when he was leaving home but he did not fail to see the mistrust on Lo'ak's face. That was something he would have to deal with sooner than he wanted to, he acknowledged. He also thought about how his mother would react when she eventually finds out that her son, the future Olo'eyktan of their tribe, was in a relationship with a human girl. Neteyam did not want to disappoint his mother. He knew how proud she was of him and it hurt to think that she could start to think badly of him. He tried his hardest to whoosh those thoughts away.

༊⁀➷

The Pandoran sun shone bright up in the sky, its rays reflecting on your bioluminescent freckles, making them a little more evident on your skin. The soothing sound of the leaves dancing with the pleasant wind and the water running in the nearby river filled the atmosphere around you. You walked slowly towards Neteyam, adrenaline dancing around in your belly in a bittersweet motion.

When Neteyam looked at you, it was like lightning had struck him. Not a destructive kind of lightning but a good one, sweet in its intensity, falling strongly all over him. Neteyam was seeing you in your Avatar for the first time after you had become his mate.

Your mouth was somewhat open, revealing your upper teeth and your na'vi (Avatar?) fangs. Your gaze revealed how much you had anticipated that moment, how much you stayed up when you should be sleeping, thinking about finally being able to see the look in Neteyam's face when he saw you in your Avatar. You knew he had watched you while you were Dreamwalking too many times before but you never got to see the admiration in his eyes when he did so as he had been stalking you, not letting you know he was around. You had wished to see his beautiful golden eyes captivated by you for so long. You wanted to feel pretty and desired like that. And now you were finally experiencing it as Neteyam looked almost dumb with enchantment while he stared at you. But cute dumb, you know? So damn cute…

You stared back at him as you took the last steps towards the place where he stood, as if he was frozen.

Neteyam felt like he was not able to move as he took in how beautiful you looked. He had never seen your na'vi body so close to his own body and it felt overwhelmingly good to do so. His sweet yawne finally belonged to him and he could now touch you and hold you in the physical form he found you most beautiful in. It's not like he did not think you were madly beautiful and hot in your human body, he always wanted to pin you down and make love to you while he was close to your human form, but nothing compared to seeing you in your na'vi form, the form where you smiled the most, where you seemed so much more alive and full of lust for experiencing the world around you. That made you even prettier. Happiness looked pretty on you.

Neteyam was na'vi and his people did not have as many severe mental struggles like humans did but there were rare cases where some na'vi who went through terrible trauma in their lives did become uninterested in fighting their dark thoughts and they did become extremely depressed, though they could be cured from that illness through rituals that healed the spirit, performed by their clan's Tsahìk.

Neteyam was not blind or oblivious to things that were obvious to the naked eye. He knew that nobody would break down and cry as often as you did, only minutes after waking up in the morning, while getting ready for work etc if this person was not in an enormous amount of pain, the kind of pain that made them wish to disappear and never be found again. Thinking about his mate feeling that kind of sorrow made him feel like his heart was being torn into pieces, blood spilling from it like water spills from a fountain.

The reason why Neteyam was so determined to convince you to transfer your consciousness to your na'vi body forever was not some selfish wish, it was not just because he wanted to take you to his tribe and have you be his mate, be able to bond with you through tsaheylu every night and get to love your body, sharing his affection and sexual pleasure with you as well as feeling your own through the bond - even though that thought did wake up a raw, intense desire and need inside of him and he just could not stop himself from fantasizing about that while stroking his cock when he could be all by himself without any chance of disturbance. Neteyam also wanted to give you the opportunity to live a blissful and fulfilling life, a life where you would laugh way more often than cry. If he knew someone that deserved nothing less than that, that person was you.

If in the worst case scenario, you still felt so bad after you had your consciousness transferred to your na'vi body, Neteyam planned to ask his mother to perform a ritual that heals the spirit on you. Thinking about that, he suddenly felt anxious and he felt his heart tightening inside his chest. Neteyam had been trying not to worry about the fact that it would be extremely hard to convince his mother to accept you as his mate and perform the ritual of transference of consciousness on you but that thought had been eating him alive constantly, ever since he talked to you for the first time, outside of the laboratory’s kitchen window.

"Hi, muntxatan." (male mate) Neteyam's heart started beating quickly and it almost came out of his throat when he heard you calling him your mate in his people's language as you stopped in front of him and smiled widely, your eyes narrowing slightly. Those torturing thoughts about his mother trying to tear the both of you apart quickly were washed away from his mind by your presence. It was hypnotizing to him.

"Yawntu… You're just so beautiful. So insanely beautiful." Neteyam smiled, his eyes shining, still bewitched by you, and pushed you roughly against his body. He hugged you tighter than he ever did before since he knew he wouldn't hurt you by doing so when you're Dreamwalking. The size difference between the both of you was not that substantial anymore. His chin rested on the top of your head as he held you strongly against his body.

His roughness did not hurt you, on the contrary, it made you feel safe and protected to have his big - currently not huge, just big - arms around you, keeping your body close as your head was against his chest, your eyes shut and you could hear his heart beating fast. It made you indescribably happy to know that you were the reason for that quick heartbeat. You curled your lips up, smiling peacefully.

Peace. You spent so much time without feeling that but, after you accepted becoming Neteyam's mate, finally defeating your cruel fears, you started to feel peaceful way more often than you had ever felt in your life, even more often than you did when you were little.

Neteyam distanced your bodies a bit, still putting his hands on the sides of your arms, right below your shoulders and announced:

"Come! There's a place I wanna take you to." He took your hand and started walking in front of you, excitedly leading you somewhere

"Where are you taking me?" You smiled and chuckled softly, curious

"You'll see." It was all he said

Neteyam made you feel excited about little things, like you were just a child again, a feeling you hadn't felt in so, so long. After Neteyam came to your life, it was like he painted vivid colors on your once all too white and dull canvas. You almost shivered at the reminder that you nearly ruined your chance to have a love so pure and true such as this one because of fear of the unknown and refusal of getting out of your comfort zone.

After walking through the rainforest with you for a little while, Neteyam stopped in front of a tall, large tree and you soon recognized it. Its branches had clusters that were full of some beautiful fruits that reminded you of blueberries that used to exist on Earth, before they went extinct.

"Here. Do you recognize this tree? I've seen you look at it so many times. Were you wondering if the yovo fruits are safe to eat?"

"Yeah." You smiled bashfully "They look delicious."

"And they are. They're safe to eat, yawne. We can eat some now, if you want to." Neteyam smiled kindly at you. The fact that he remembered small details about you made your heart melt.

"I'd love that, Teyam."

Neteyam smiled, unbelieving.

"What did you call me?"

"Teyam…?" You furrowed your eyebrows "It's just a nickname I came up with for you… Do you hate it?" You contorted your features in a way that showed him you were feeling slightly insecure and embarrassed

"No! I love it, yawntutsyìp! I love it." He smiled and chuckled "I just wasn't expecting it. I love that my muntxate is calling me by a special nickname. Feels intimate." Neteyam came closer to you and held your face with both his beautiful strong blue hands

You looked up at his face with doe eyes and waited as you knew what was coming. You could feel it. The sneaky butterflies started flying inside your belly again.

Neteyam kissed you slowly, crushing his soft wet lips against yours. He pressed his lips on your mouth again and again for a short amount of time but it was enough to make your legs feel weak.

"Come, oeyä muntxate. I'll help you climb the tree."

Neteyam did as he said and soon enough you both were sitting on the wooden "floor" of the tree, sharing yovo fruits and eating them.

You two started to chill and talk about everyday life. It felt so good. It felt familiar, just like any relationship you had had before with a human guy, but better. So much better. Your alien boyfriend - mate? It felt so weird to say it like that… - made you feel things that none of your ex human boyfriends could ever dream to do. Neteyam made you feel understood. He did not judge you. He made you feel at home. Neteyam was becoming home for you.

You started to tell him how sad and done with everything you sometimes felt. Well, not sometimes… It happened all the time, even though it got better now that Neteyam was in your life. But you did not want to make him worry about you.

"You know, sometimes I feel like that too."

"What do you mean?" You questioned

"Like there's so much chaos inside that I just wanna talk to someone and vent. But I'm always so busy. There never seems to be time to find someone to do that with."

You were slightly surprised.

"Yeah, me too. Always too busy." You sighed "And exhausted, to be honest. Both physically and mentally."

"Well, I do have way more stamina than humans do" You laughed at Neteyam's teasing "But some nights I come home from training and after taking care of my siblings, really, really tired too. And I don't mean only physically."

"We have some stuff in common, don't we?" You pointed out, smiling

"We certainly do." He smiled back

You felt good knowing that.

Neteyam laid on the floor, right by your side.

"I'm full" He let out a laugh that sounded lovely in your ears while stroking his stomach.

"Me too." You laid on the floor too, just like Neteyam had just done. Your belly felt pleasantly filled up "But these fruits are so good I'd still eat a dozen of them." You playfully said, laughing

"Do you want more? I can get you some more." Neteyam gently offered

"No, it's okay, Teyam. I'm good for now." You smiled at him

Neteyam smiled back, showing no teeth, a soft, enamored look in his feline amber eyes.

You two spent some time together in comfortable silence.

"Oeyä muntxate?"

"Yeah?" You looked at him and let out a relaxed sigh, smiling softly

"Oel ngati kameie." He said, with vulnerable sincerity in his eyes

It seemed like he was gazing inside your very soul. Like his golden eyes could see something in you nobody else could. Like he saw who you truly were. Like Neteyam saw the good and bad and the ugly and the greatness and the doubts and the fears and the uniqueness and the ordinary parts of you, like he saw all of you, and it did not scare him off to see your dark side. You could feel he was staying for both your virtues and your vices. And maybe that's what "Oel ngati kameie" meant, when said to the one you're choosing to be your mate. Means connecting to someone in a raw, deep way, a way that nobody else is able to. A way that allows you to see the other person's flaws but not be afraid of them and try to find a way out. A way that allows you to see the grace in every little detail that that other soul has, to see the beauty in them that they themselves could never see.

"Oel ngati kameie…" You finally said, smiling, still not believing he had said those words to you

Neteyam smiled brightly while gazing into your eyes. He always looked deep inside your eyes… It felt almost too much but it still had just the right amount of intensity for it to be deliciously alluring instead of overwhelming.

Neteyam took your hand and intertwined your fingers on his. You felt the touch of his warm hand burning your skin in a pleasant way. After a few seconds, he kissed the back of your hand tenderly. You kept staring at both your hands glued together for a while.

"I wanna cuddle with you, oeyä muntxate." His voice brought your attention back to his face.

You could hear nervousness and need in his tone.

"Sure, yawne."

You were starting to really like calling Neteyam by na'vi pet names. The na'vi language was incredibly pleasing to the ears, in your opinion.

Neteyam started moving your body carefully, so you could lay on your side and when you obeyed, laying in said position, he himself laid on his side and pulled you in, making your body be as close to his as he could, your ass against his clothed member.

Your lungs started to do a poor job at helping you breathe now that the both of you were so close. You got nervous as you two had, yes, cuddled before, when you were in your human body, but he was never behind you like that, his body glued to yours. You knew he could feel your ass on his cock. Your heart was beating at the speed of light.

It did not take long for you to start to feel Neteyam was now fully erect, his cock pressed against your ass. You felt the inner walls of your pussy start to twitch and you got all wet, your juices spreading over your panties. Neteyam was so big and thick and your body responded like crazy to him.

It was a violent, invincible desire that made Neteyam cling so much to you, all the time. It would burn his insides, making him yearn for you, for your touch, for your warmth. There was no rational explanation inside his head for it. Neteyam could not understand it, he could only feel it covering all his being, exuding from his eyes whenever he looked at you, touched you, kissed you… He knew you could tell how much he was thirsty for you almost all the time. But Neteyam did not care about being so vulnerable. He wanted you to know what you did to him. Maybe like that you would surrender sooner and give yourself to him completely already. He felt so impatient. Everyday it was getting harder and harder for him to not take you in his arms and mate with you. This wait was killing him, day by day. It was like a slow and agonizing death. And now that he could smell your sweet juices so vividly, he felt like he could no longer hold back.

Neteyam pushed you even closer to him. You whimpered softly, the feeling of his huge, girthy cock pressed against your butt was divine.

Neteyam got you crazily wet just so quickly that it never failed to surprise you. He was like quicksand to you; you could try and run as much as you wanted but you would always end up being swallowed by his love.

"I need you so much, muntxate…" He cried out softly in your ear while rubbing his hard cock on your ass. "You're all wet for me. You smell so good, it's intoxicating." He sniffed the air, savoring your natural scent just like it was the most mouthwatering thing he had ever felt filling his sensitive nostrils "Please, lemme make you mine completely, my sweet yawne. Please…"

༊⁀➷

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gayhoediaz · 1 month

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nieeeee. i literally cannot stop thinking about of solace and amelioration. like. i've read it three times and i always skip to the end and cry because buck and tommy are. so full of love for each other, it literally makes me Ache. and. the little details you wove in there about tommy's backstory? just.. annihilate me. do you have any more tommy/bucktommy headcanons to share pls 🤲🏾🥺

jaaaack my loveee 🥺🥺🥺 yess of course anything for you!!!! ❤️❤️❤️

tommy spent a lot of time alone growing up so he can solve a rubik’s cube in like absolute record time. for some reason buck finds this just… so hot. he loves it when his man is capable and confident. (and he loves his hands.)

tommy doesn’t necessarily mind being alone because he is so used to it - spending christmas alone, watching love actually and cooking just for himself doesn’t make him sad. he’s certainly not someone who feels sorry for himself. but when he does have people around him? oh god he loves it so much. he loves taking care of people he loves loving people and he loves it when he gets the same right back.

buck is not a huge fan of muay thai either but he still learns a little bit - mostly because he likes seeing tommy all hot and sweaty (and capable) in as many situations as possible (and yes it always ends in sex, in fact i think eventually “muay thai” stops meaning muay thai altogether. it’s just code for dicking each other down.)

buck loves running his fingers through tommy’s hair and tommy loves it when he does it. after a bad day, he’ll just walk in through the door and drop himself on the couch with his head in buck’s lap.

a few years ago tommy went to the animal shelter to maybe get a cat cause he was a little lonely, but he came home with an irish wolfhound and he named her keira because bonus hc: keira knightley is his favorite actress. (buck and keira take to each other immediately, and since buck does more cardio than tommy, he takes up a habit of running with her whenever he has time - usually in the morning, dropping a kiss to a half-asleep tommy’s temple as he tells him he’ll be back in a bit.)

tommy loves buck’s ass (what he sees, i don’t know, there is literally nothing there) but by the time they’ve been together for a few months, he’s comfortable enough to stop holding back, and he’ll just fucking live down there. often it’s sexual but sometimes it’s also not - sometimes they’re having a sick or lazy day, watching the tv in tommy’s bedroom, and buck is fully dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie, and he always ends up on his stomach so tommy can use his non-existent ass as a pillow.

they shut keira out of the room when they fuck, but when they’re done they always let her back in to sleep in bed and she takes up 85% of the space but that’s okay ❤️

tommy meditates and buck tries too but his brain moves too quickly it doesn’t really work for him. when meditation doesn’t work for tommy either - he smokes. it’s a terrible habit left over from rebellious teenage years and stressful time in the closet, and he’s done a good job kicking it, but sometimes buck kisses him, and he can smell it on his breath and he just. sighs. and runs a hand through his hair and asks if he wants to talk abt it.

the longer they’re together the more “cracks” start to show in tommy, i think he’s a lot better at hiding it than buck is - but he struggles not only with ptsd, but with depression and anxiety and he has worked on himself and continues to do so, but he still keeps a lot of that stuff to himself - it takes a while but when buck starts opening up more, tommy slowly starts to do the same, and evan is the first person he feels he can truly rely on and trust, and he’s never really had that before, never felt as if he can be all of himself with someone - not like this.

tommy is plant dad. he has so many plants and he takes such good care of them, and of course, since buck loves learning things, it quickly becomes a shared hobby. their monstera is their pride and joy.

tommy drinks his coffee with so many extra shots of espresso that buck usually makes a little bit of a face when he kisses him right afterwards.

tommy has a lot of small skills he’s kinda good at but not really but kind of (usually, again, born out of boredom and/or loneliness) painting, baking bread, playing the harmonica. he knows how to do these things, but whether or not his own results will be great is… a toss up. however combined with buck’s love of learning and adhd brain, they learn a lot more small skills together. kind of. for a while. until they drop it and move onto the next thing.

tommy is really good at playing the guitar and the first morning buck wakes up in his bed, he asks him about it, and he plays for him. until buck wrestles it out of his hands and puts it to the side because his boyfriend is even hotter now and he needs to get dicked down again thanks. (when they’re done, buck asks tommy to teach him and they end up doing the classic “hands over hands” move and it’s very cute but tommy keeps pressing soft little kisses to bucks shoulder and telling him he’s doing so good and it’s hngggggg… very distracting.)

tommy used to be on the swim team in high school.

tommy is indeed abby’s tommy cause i think it’s funny. it throws them both off a little bit but then tommy says something so smooth that buck forgets all about it. it doesn’t matter. they are each other’s now, fuck her. (i think tommy ended things w her amicably probably cause he was figuring out he’s gay and doesn’t have any negative nor positive feelings abt her, but when buck eventually tells him how she ended (or didn’t) things w him, tommy decides that he does have decidedly negative feelings about her actually.)

#nie answers 💕#mutuals 🏷️#jack 🎑#writing tag #bucktommy

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webslingingslasher · 3 months

Note

tw: depression

hey! i was wondering, how would peter react or take care of reader with depression? can be either nerdy or frat peter or any peter rly :)

sorry i am very much kinda really going thru it rn 😞

felt that. depression is fucking brutal, anon. i'm here for you and i hope you're taking care of yourself for now.

you don't move when your window opens. you haven't moved for hours, you couldn't draw up enough energy to turn or eat, or breathe. the wall in front of you hasn't changed, it's been a blank slate of emptiness. just like the pit inside you.

'i know you're not sleeping.' it's teasing, your heart doesn't have it in you to perk up. you don't feel excited peter showed up, nothing could top the numbness that's burrowed its way into your chest and mind.

'you haven't texted me back all day, i was about to send a smoke signal.' your bones feel sharp, the idea of rolling over to face him stings, you think you'll shatter into a million pieces. you have nothing left to give, even talking seems exhausting.

'baby?' peter knows somethings wrong, he thinks he knows what's wrong. you had a good stretch, it had been months before the depression caught up and sent you bedrotting.

peter can't imagine how it feels for you, but for him, watching you go through this, kills him inside.

your mattress sinks, you close your eyes when peter reaches out for you, his hand on your skin is the most warmth you felt all day. it's peter; your rock, your safety net, your protector.

you think it's the first time you've talked all day. you had a permanent lump in your throat and you knew just by opening your mouth the tears would start.

but it's okay, because peter is here.

'i'm really sad today.' it's all it takes, your shoulders shake with your sobs, how could you feel everything and nothing all at once? peter's soft whispers have you curling into yourself. you don't deserve him, he doesn't deserve this.

'oh, honey.' it's full of love, his nose brushes your shoulder like a puppy asking to be pet. 'wanna give me a hug?' your voice wavers on your answer, it's raw and scratchy, begging to be hydrated, you don't think you've even had water today.

'yes, please.' your cheeks feel sticky but peter's holding you tightly, yet softly, it's like he's trying to hold you together. it's working. 'i'm sorry.' you feel bad. you should be more for him.

'don't be. i want to be here for you, and when you can only give twenty percent, i've got the other eighty. i love you. always and forever. no matter what.'

he needs to add the end, he needs to because he knows how it weighs down in your mind. how you've told him over and over it's unfair he has to put up with this and how he doesn't deserve what you bring to the table.

peter told you he's got a big fucking table and it's got more than enough room for your "mess." you don't say the silent part out loud anymore but he knows you still think it. peter would never admit it to you, but sometimes he really hates your brain and the way it thinks about yourself when your depression sets in.

it's selfish, you hate it about yourself but you need a reason to keep going.

'can you tell me how sad you would be if i died?' to anyone else it would sound morbid, to peter it means you're feeling better. peter slightly rocks you in his lap, he hums like he needs to think.

'you think you're depressed? just you wait, i'll make this look estatic.' a smile teases, he's determined to get you laughing. 'i mean it. i'd be on my knees, tears and snot all over my face, holding your hand at your funeral. i'd probably throw myself down the hole with you.'

it works, it's minuscule but you gave him a real smile and a tiny laugh. it's because you're picturing the teary-snotted face he'd be sporting and he's totally okay with that.

peter presses kisses over your hairline, he's speaking from the heart and you can feel it.

'because if you're not living, i wouldn't have a reason to either.'

#nerdy!peter drabbles

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g0giro · 3 months

Text

PLEASE READ THIS!!! NEOPENTANE5 TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF AFTER I TALKED ABOUT THAT SHE SUPPORTED RAPE TO MY FRIEND

Someone sent this to me, and I have something to say about it. Don't buy what she said on her Twitter, I explained every single detail below.

I'm adding these pictures as well since these tweets were basically her referring to me and saying a lot of bad things about me. I've heard this meant "I wish you go kill yourself", "You don't deserve any friends" and so on, so I decided to translate it. She deleted it, and it's gone by now, but I could get a screenshot of her saying it.

TL;DR: I cut neopentane5 off and blocked her last year, I've been struggling because of severe depression since last year and she was the main reason who caused it, I vented about how I felt and what I couldn't understand her to my friend, and somehow it ended up with Neopentane5 seeing my DM with my friend and she self attacked me on her Twitter because of the DM, revealing my personal information and writing on her Twitter that I need to kill myself.

Below this is about what exactly happened and how Neoepentane5 tried to justify her actions. I explained it with all the proof that she was wrong and spreading misinformation, including some NSFW pictures she sent.

I don't know where to start, but let me talk about what happened last year between me and her.

The first reason I cut her off :

A few months ago, a guitarist of my favorite band passed away, so I was really shocked and sad, and I wanted to talk about it to someone and get comforted. There was a discord server where I, Neopentane5, and some other people were so I went there and talked about it. One of them asked me about it, but Neopentane5 just said nothing but sent a nsfw pic right below my text, completely ignoring me.

It was really rude and disrespectful, not just because the guitarist was my favorite but it was really weird and absurd of her to send a nsfw pic when she heard that someone died. Because of this, I was feeling depressed, so I tried not to pay attention to the server and her. I muted the notifications and tried to do something else like watching movies, playing games, or going out and so on because I thought it would become better if I could ignore this.

But she kept sending a bunch of nsfw pictures like these pictures without my consent and I was really overwhelmed and mad because of it.

This is the uncensored version of the screenshots.

The second reason why I cut her off:

Around last Halloween, I posted this to do inbox trick or treating. People who wanted to join it left likes there, and everyone who left likes on that post answered back, but Neopentane5 was the only one who didn't do anything even though she left her like. I thought she might be busy, and I asked her why she hadn't answered. She said she read it and wanted to draw something for it and would post it that night, but I didn't really mind if she wanted to draw something or not, because I was content with communicating with people by sending some candy pics and it was wholesome.

She really seemed to draw one for it, and I didn't want to let her down by saying I didn't really need her drawing or so, so I gave her enough time and she didn't post anything about it even two weeks had passed. I was really getting upset and depressed because it felt like I was worthless and not worth being remembered or cared about. I stopped texting her and everyone back then because of my depression.

Then she suddenly texted me first unusually and it was like this.

She just wanted to use me for translating that picture when she clearly knew that I didn't like the reboot stuff and didn't want to see it at all. She could've just googled it and used a translator, but she still decided to ask me to translate it for her. I had been feeling really down that time, and I didn't want to text back, but I also didn't want to make her feel bad so I just joked like I was all good and translated it for her. I felt I was worthless than the google translate and she just laughed it off and didn't really care about it when she should've made a proper apology. It didn't look like a person who was genuinely feeling sorry and it made my mental state worse. So I said just forget about it, and she didn't even answer back.

Other reasons I cut her off:

I had been already feeling depressed because I had always felt that I was the only one who cared about the 'friendship' she claimed to call it. Whenever I wanted to 'talk' with her, I always had to bring something interesting related to the fandom stuff, or she didn't even reply or reply very carelessly like "okay cool" a few days later when I texted her. She also didn't text me first usually, and I noticed it when I started talking with her last year. I thought I could talk about it to her and solve the problem together, so I seriously asked her to text me first sometimes and told her that I was feeling neglected because of her lack of messages. She said she wasn't just a talkative person and didn't really start a conversation first, but it was also the same for me because I wasn't a talkative one either. At least she promised that she would change and try to message me first, but she didn't. I talked about it to her more than three times, but she didn't even try hard to keep her promise and I lost trust that it would fix anything if I talked with her.

This was the last conversation when I blocked her.

I was trying not to be rude, and I explained why I decided to distance her. If she actually cared about the 'friendship', then she should've apologized to me and asked me if we could start over. But she immediately decided to cut me off (which means she didn't care about me) and started making excuses to justify her actions.

About Neoepentane5 saying something supportive about rape:

She tried to make her words promising about rape is okay by using the logic that she's Asian and Asian people are like that. Me, as a Korean, I don't support rape and I am against people who tolerate rape in any case. I couldn't understand how could a person be okay with rape at all and I was so disgusted by it, so I vented it to my friend because I'd already cut her off and there was no way for her to see this, a few days ago. But somehow, Neopentane5 was able to see my DM which I only intended to share with my friend, and wrote about it, making excuses and revealing my Discord name and Tumblr blog to the public, allowing her followers could easily attack me when I had no intention to expose her when I was talking with my friend.

We used to be friends, but we didn't quarrel and the quarrel she means is the last conversation I wrote about above, where I was explaining why I decided to block her. I didn't drive a distance between Neopentane5 and her friends, in fact, there was only one person I asked why didn't they distance Neopentane5 yet. The friend she was talking about was also my friend, and when I decided to block her, I told the friend too. I was genuinely worried about the friend because they said that they also had problems with Neopentane5 before and had an emotionally hard time because of her.

I talked about my interaction with her to my friends, not making it go on the public. Every person can feel bad and hate someone, and I needed to vent my feelings to my friends, Neopentane5 is talking about this as if I did something wrong after seeing what she wasn't able to see. About how she could manage to see my DM, my friend shared it with someone else without my consent and their friend shared it again to another, and so on. This is a wild guess, but when I talked to the friend after blocking Neopentane5 they said they already knew what happened, and in the way Neopentane5 talked in the last conversation I had with her, it's not hard to assume that she probably said many bad things about me. I don't blame her for talking back behind my back, because it's natural to vent someone's feelings to someone, but it's very disappointing and frustrating to see her attack me.

When I said I could make her an account, she denied it because she didn't want to look weak in front of me and said it was cheap to buy a new phone number, saying it didn't even cost a single dollar.

It was one game she bought, and I told her how much I appreciated it enough that she told me to stop praising her. However, she hadn't played it once when I asked her to play it together later. I don't know what she's talking about the 'learning new ways to use AI for me' because if she's talking about CAI, I was the one who was making characters mostly and I've never asked her to make one for me.

I asked her to do RP with her because it looked like she was getting tired of CAI's waiting line and the limited responses. I said it was totally okay if she didn't want to do so, but she accepted it and then I made a server to invite her. She talked like she didn't enjoy it at all, but as embarrassing as it might sound, I enjoyed it and appreciated her for doing it together, and when I asked her if she was enjoying this too, she said yes and saved funny moments we had.

I say it again that it wasn't an argument or a quarrel. I explained why I wanted to distance her instead of just blocking her without any words, giving her the last chance to apologize and to make things better again. I explained it in the last conversation I had with her, you can read about how she keeps trying to justify her careless actions toward me by saying she's just forgetful and I don't understand her at all when I was struggling because of my depression and I needed someone to show me that they cared about me, but she couldn't understand me at all. I expected her to show it to me because she said I was special and different unlike the other friends she had, but maybe I was too naive.

I've never talked about anything related to her to the public or in my account where anyone can see it until now. Look at who decided to point me out and blame me, revealing my blog and discord account.

It's also not healthy to write me to go kill yourself.

This is all, and it was Neopentane5 who started blaming me on the Internet first. These are her Tumblr, Twitter, and Instagram pages. I hope anyone who reads this will distance yourself from her and her devotees, and it would be appreciated if you could reblog this post and share it on other websites like Twitter too.

Sorry for tagging the fandom tags, but I don't want other people to suffer the same thing I did. Thank you for reading a long post. + I edited the post since it was flagged.

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honeysuckleharringtons · 1 year

Text

"Forever Valentine" ~ E. Munson

Summary: When you aren't feeling yourself one Valentine's Day, Eddie is determined to make you feel better and let you know that you are his forever valentine.

Pairing: Mechanic!Husband!Eddie Munson x Wife!Reader (no pronouns used but Reader is called Wife)

Word Count: 938

Content Warning: Reader is lowkey depressed, mentions of food, sorta implied smut but not really?

Genre: Hurt/Comfort and some Fluff

Extra Notes: NAWT THE BAD SUMMARY AGAIN 😭

Based On the Request: "I've been feeling quite sad and not like my usual self. Do you think you can make a comfort/fluff of reader feeling similarly and Eddie helping with cuddles and snacks and whatever else you think of?" (requested by @rupsmorge)

Originally Written: 02/14/2023

Beta Read By: @dungeons-are-too-cold

honeysuckleharringtons masterlist can be found here!

honeysuckleharringtons ask box can be found here!

It was four p.m. on Valentine's Day, and to say that thus far it had been underwhelming… Well, that was a major understatement.

It hadn't been all bad. Eddie had woken you up at the crack of dawn with a kiss on the forehead, whispering promises of a surprise when he got home from work that afternoon. When you'd finally forced yourself out of bed at around noon, you walked into the kitchen to see he'd left you a bouquet of red roses and a note that read,

"I'm not good with words, but to be fair, I don't know if there are words to tell you how happy I am to be your forever valentine. Happy first married Valentine's Day, my love." - Ed ♡

And sure, those things made you happy. You yourself couldn't believe that it was the first Valentine's Day you were spending as a married couple. But no matter how many chocolate hearts you ate or bottles of champagne you popped, it couldn't change the fact that you'd been in a horrible funk lately and had no clue how to fix it.

So, instead of asking for help, you did what any normal human being would in this situation—turned on cheesy Hallmark movies, wrapped the teddy bear that Eddie had given you last year in your arms, and ate strawberry ice cream straight out of the container.

You hadn't even realized that you were on your third rom-com of the day until Eddie crept into the house, left a ghost of a kiss on your ear, and commented, "Is this really what you do when I'm at the shop?"

You gave him a sideways smile, putting on your best show of happiness for him. Valentine's Day was one of his favorite holidays, because there was no way you could fight him on spoiling you for the day.

"Not always," you answered, "only on special occasions."

"Speaking of special occasions," he said, leaning down for a kiss on the lips, "happy Valentine's Day."

As he pulled away, he held out his hands, revealing the handiwork of what he'd been doing during the overtime he'd been working the past week.

He held out a metal rose, with "Eddie + YN" engraved in one of the petals. Sure, it wasn't the most practical of gifts, but to you, it meant the whole world. Eddie using his talents to make meaningful trinkets just for you? Swoon.

Tears poured down your cheeks as you took the hunk of metal from his hands, holding the material close to your chest. "Thank you, Ed," you managed to say through sobs, your chest heavy with some odd mixture of love and guilt.

Eddie almost immediately picked up that those weren't tears of happiness, prompting him to pull you into his embrace. His curls fanned out around you as he held your head against his chest, leaving soft kisses on the top of your head.

"What's wrong?" he asked, rubbing small circles on your back.

"Nothing," you lied, attempting to slow the flow of your tears. "Just super happy that you made this for me."

He let out a deep sigh, holding you close as he led the two of you down to the couch. Pulling you into his lap, he turned you to face him and pushed your now wet hair away from your cheeks. "I can't fix the problem if I don't know what it is," he told you. "Please, tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," you insisted. "These are happy tears."

"If I said or did something-" he started to say, but you stopped that thought before he could even finish thinking it.

You placed a loving hand on his cheek, your thumb gliding softly against the stubble growing there. "You could never do anything to upset me. Well, except for when you leave your grease rags lying around."

He chuckled before leaving a long, soft peck on your forehead. "I love you. So much. Please come to me if you ever need me. There's a reason I asked to be your husband."

You melted into his embrace, tossing your legs over his and wrapping your arms around his neck. "I just…" you started, pausing to consider your words, "I've just been in a small funk lately."

"Whatcha mean?" Eddie asked in a whisper, placing his large palm in the center of your back.

"I've just been really sad. And tired. And I just feel off. I don't even remember how it feels to be my normal self," you explained. "I didn't say anything because I knew you were busy with work."

"Hey, hey, hey," he stopped you, his hand moving from your back to your hair, his fingers softly tugging at the ends, "never hesitate to tell me things just because of work. Work can wait. The second you slid this ring on my finger and I said, 'I do,' you became my top priority."

The two of you stayed like that for a while, enjoying the comfort of one another's embrace. He held you tight against his chest, whispering quiet "I love you's" against the shell of your ear, and trailing kisses along your neck.

"I love you too," you answered eventually, giving him an actual smile this time.

"Since it's Valentine's Day," he said as a smirk appeared on his perfectly plump lips, "can I show you just how much I love you, my beautiful, *kiss* amazing, *kiss* wonderful wife?"

You giggled, a smile sitting on your lips as they landed on his for a passionate, slow, strawberry-flavored kiss. "I *kiss* would love *kiss* nothing more."

Aaahh, happy belated Valentine's Day, lovers!! I tried so hard to have this up on Valentine's Day but alas, good things take time and I had to wait. But, I hope it was well worth it because I absolutely love how this turned out!

Thank you so much to @rupsmorge for this lovely request!! May everyone's sweetheart Eddie make you feel better and give you a lil comfort 🫶🏻💗🫂

-> Taglist: @dungeons-are-too-cold @ducky-died-inside @awkotaco24 @princesseddie @aftermidnightwriting @manuosorioh @hereiamhereigo @esoltis280

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got-ticket-to-ride · 5 months

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Wanted to know your thoughts on this, but for what I've reading on John it really looks to me he really got worse post Paul and post Beatles, like his saddest songs match the moment he started to have issues with Paul, he wasn't really having much contact with anyone outside Yoko, he wasn't doing much music, he wasn't being that funny either, he even died without being able to fully overcome his heroine addiction (addiction that started in the Beatles fall out right?), and idk i believe his involvement in the whole peace/art movement looked more like an escape (like some people do with religion) than actual interest.

So what you think, was John at his worst after he got out the band and cut his relationship with Paul or was it was always like that?

Hello @lord-pain

thank you for this ask! I hope I'll make sense. I think the White Album was definitely the start of John's "sad songs". Happiness is a Warm Gun, Yer Blues. Subsequently, Dig a Pony sounded so desperate to me and Because which is yeah, post India, post breakup?

There's so many different accounts during that period. Some narrators might be unreliable because you never know who these "historians/journalist/"acquaintances" have their allegiance to.

During the 70s it was said that John was miserable, became a violent drunk (who believed in astrology). He was quite unhappy with how things turned out in his life due to his choices but he was too proud to admit it.

About drugs, Fred Seaman said John stopped with heroin in the last half of the 70s in this video.

Due to differing accounts that are out there, I just concentrate on John, what he wrote lyrically and how clearheaded he was during his last interview. He was trying to be better. I think that is the most important detail despite everything that went down. Also the part where he was going to work with Ringo and had booked a studio with Paul for January 1981.

His activism was partly a distraction for him. Beatle John dabbled in it, but he became very aggressive about politics after the break up. He was anti-religion when he released Imagine (1971). But went back to believing in god when he wrote "Grow Old With Me" (1979?), which I have so much thoughts about but I haven't even had the courage to voice out.

While there are glimpses of John's mental anxiety visible in his song "Help!" (1965)

"Help me if you can, I'm feeling down, and I do appreciate you being 'round",

he was trying to be positive about it as seen in "Strawberry Fields Forever" (1966):

"It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out, It doesn't matter much to me".

And was still holding on during the conception of "Across the Universe" (in February 1968) with his mantra:

"Nothing's gonna change my world",

which I think might've been a result of Paul's engagement in December 1967 to Jane.

Across the Universe (February 1968) > believer God (1970) > anti-religion Imagine (1971) > anti-religion (he made a satire song which I did not include here) Grow Old With Me (1979) > believer

During his alleged break from music from 1975, he was still making home demos and was writing Skywriting by Word of Mouth.

I think John and Paul being apart was just not good for them. The general opinion was that Paul left John and had moved on. (I don't believe that's true). It was John who made the decision to leave, it was this push and pull thing, and Paul continued to reach out to him (and we don't know what happened during all those times they've met up). Some accounts say that John was practically begging for a reunion but then again Paul never stopped reaching out to John (see 1976) so I personally think, regardless of all these details that are out in the open, there is still a missing piece we have not considered yet and that can only be told by Paul himself.

To summarize it, John probably had depression (since his teenage years) but Paul was a constant positive thing in his life that he needed and that had helped him through it, "the girl who came to stay" until something happened...

John Lennon was definitely at his worst without his buddies by his side in the 70s.

#Asks #John Lennon #Mclennon #John and Paul #Lyrics #Paul Mccartney #The Beatles #would love to hear your thoughts too!#gttr-beatles

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mayajadewrites · 5 months

Text

Almost: Levi Ackerman x Reader

Chapter 8: Clean

Chapter Summary: Reader is in the midst of a depression episode, and Levi refuses to be unheard. We get some sweet Levi this chapter, arguably my favorite Levi. Also cleaning Levi makes an appearance because why not!

ao3

The next day, I called in sick to work. And again. And again. 3 times. I've never called out of any job before, but the state of my mental was almost unbearable.

I didn't want to get out of bed, take care of myself, nothing of the sorts. I stayed in my bed, curled up with my favorite blanket watching Grey's Anatomy.

A therapist would probably say I'm going through a depression episode. They would be right.

My thoughts are clouded with negativity around myself that I don't want to burden on anyone else. I have sick time accrued, so why not use it.

Levi caught on to my absence on the 3rd day, since he assumed I just had 2 days off in a row and I was texting him like normal. He's been busy with work, taking on meetings and new projects.

Levi: Brat, why didn't you work today?

I close out the text thread, pushing my phone to the other side of my bed.

Bzzzzzz.

Levi: Ignoring me doesn't work.

Bzzzzzz.

Levi: You've left me no choice. I'll see you soon.

I groan, rubbing my eyes to get rid of the sleep that's still in them. Levi is serious when he says he'll see me, but I still don't want to leave my bed.

About an hour later, I hear someone banging on my door. The sounds are urgent, booming through the building.

I walk to the door, standing on my tip-toes to see who it is. Once I saw the jet black hair, I knew who it was.

I opened the door with my blanket wrapped around me, my eyes open half way.

"What is wrong with you?" Levi gently pushed me inside of the apartment, grabbing my shoulders. "What's going on? Are you sick? Did someone hurt you?"

I shook my head, looking down at my feet.

"I'll fix it. Whatever it is." Levi leaned down to my eyes, rubbing my arms gently.

"There's nothing wrong with me. I'm perfectly okay." I turn around to walk back to my room. Levi takes off his shoes at my door, then follows me.

His face turns sour once he sees the state of my room. "You've been here for days, haven't you."

I nod, burying myself in my sheets. I'm embarrassed to look at Levi. I've always wanted to impress him and here I am showing him who I really am. I'm a mess.

Levi smoothed out the sheet and sat next to me. "Tell me what's wrong."

Finally, I look at Levi and stare into his steel eyes. I could drown in them the way I was looking into them. If I don't tell him what I'm feeling now, he will more than likely never stop asking.

"I'm depressed, Levi." I sigh and sit up on the bed. "I have no motivation to do anything. My head is a bad place to be in right now."

"Tell me what your brain is telling you." Levi had a stern look on his face (no different than usual).

"That I'm not good enough. That no one will ever love me. That-" I pause, looking at him. "That you'll leave me one day because I'm so unloveable and a mess you don't want to clean up."

Levi stared at me for a moment, analyzing my features, taking in my words. I raise my eyebrow and hope that words will come out of his mouth sooner rather than later.

"I'm not leaving you." Levi put his hands on mine, rubbing my knuckles with his thumb. "If you're a mess, then I'm a mess too."

"You don't need to say that, I'm sure there are plenty of other women who are put together that would love to be with you." A tear rolls down my cheek. "Fuck, I hate crying." I wipe the tear from my face. "Especially in front of you."

Levi was silent, caressing my face slowly with his index finger. Somehow he knew exactly what I needed at that moment. No talking, just silent reassurance.

He gently pulled me down onto the bed, wrapping his arms around me. His fingers traced shapes on my skin as he left kisses on my head. I began to cry more, simply because I feel so comfortable. I expected Levi to say I'm dramatic, insult me, and leave.

That's what my father did to my mother.

We laid together for a couple of hours just soaking in each other. I occasionally felt Levi's lips on my skin, reminding me he's still there.

"Why don't we get you cleaned up?" Levi suggested as he gently pulled my arm.

"You're gonna help me shower?"

"Only if you want me to."

Well, duh I want you to. What person in their right mind wouldn't want to be naked and soapy with Levi Ackerman?

I grabbed Levi's hand, leading him to my bathroom. I brushed my teeth, making sure I scrubbed every part of my mouth.

Levi stood behind me, observing.

My back is to him as I change, sliding my t-shirt and shorts off my body, revealing my naked body. I looked at Levi's face in the mirror, which looked like he was stunned.

He said nothing though. Soon enough his shirt and pants were off, exposing his chiseled physique.

"Hot or warm?" Levi turned the shower on.

"Hot, please." I shivered, crossing my arms over my chest. Once the water was hot enough, Levi led me into the shower, making sure I was under the water.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head back - taking in the hot water. I haven't showered in days so this felt invigorating

As I pull my head back up I notice Levi staring at me with a half smile. He's sudsing up my shampoo, massaging it into my scalp, and making sure it's clean afterward. His black hair stuck to his forehead as he did this, and every move he made had me mesmerized by the way his muscles move.

Levi began washing my body, being careful on my sensitive areas. He never tried anything sexual, he just wanted to take care of me.

I smiled as Levi rubbed the washcloth over my skin, leaning my forehead on his.

"Thank you." I whisper, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"Don't thank me. Thank me by trusting me." Levi continued scrubbing, making sure every inch of me was clean.

Once Levi decided I was clean enough, he wrapped my body in a towel and kissed my forehead. "I'm staying here tonight. No if ands or buts, got it?"

I nodded, shuffling through my drawers for clean clothes. Putting on a new sweat set actually helped my mood a bit. I walked out to my living room where Levi was lighting candles while simultaneously cleaning. Leaning against the doorframe, I smiled as I watched him. He didn't seem to notice me since he was so in the zone with cleaning. His bicep twitched as he cleaned, taking off any speck of dust that lived on my furniture.

Was I taking a glimpse at my future? God, I hope so.

#levi #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #levi fanfic #levi fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfic #levi ackerman fanfiction #attack on titan fanfic #aot #aot x reader #levi smut #levi ackerman smut #levi ackerman attack on titan

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river13245 · 6 months

Text

Look at me - Derek Morgan

Navigation / Criminal Minds Masterlist

Pairing: Derek Morgan and FTM reader

Warnings: Dysphoria, Derek being in love, Sad thoughts, Depression or sadness

Authors Note: This was completely written as a way to get my own feelings out. To anyone who is feeling like this you are not alone. and even on those bad days just talk to someone or do a self care day ILY

When you went to bed you hadn't planned on having this type of day. You were planning on getting up in the morning and have a great day off from work, your boyfriend was even coming to visit you.

However when you woke up that morning and felt the small pressure on your chest that has been their your whole life it seemed to bother you more than it did yesterday. As you sat up you felt them, you had went to bed without a shirt on or nothing on because you liked to let your upper body be free, but when you looked down you really wished you hadn't.

Some days are rough while others are not. Some days you don't think about it as much as others because your too focused on your job. Where as there are others where its a big thought in your brain, especially when you don't fit into things most men do.

The fact is, is that you had the female anatomy. Its not something that you think is disgusting or gross its just something that you wish you hadn't had. Having breasts was one of the few things that caused you extreme dysphoria as a trans male. You usually pushed those thoughts away but it seemed to be something you couldn't shake today.

When you get up from your bed you walk over to your closet and pick out a baggy t-shirt. The one that you picked was one of your boyfriends old shirts that he had left here one night when he stayed over. As you throw that on you happen to look in the body mirror you had hanging up. Seeing the way your body was made you close your eyes and turn away.

Instead of going and making breakfast like you had planned on doing last night you ended up going straight to your bed and wrapping the covers on top of you and closing your eyes.

It had only felt as if you were asleep for a few minutes until you heard your boyfriends voice through your apartment. "Hi Handsome where you at. I've brought breakfast for us." Tears formed in your eyes because you felt ashamed at who you were. How your body was. What if he looks at you and notices all your flaws just like you do today and its the day he decides he doesn't want a guy like you.

How can the same person that had asked you out, kissed your tears away and even managed to stick around after meeting your family. Also be the same man that you were too afraid of seeing right now. He had never once said anything about your figure or said anything negative about you or any of his friends. You knew it was irrational to think like this but today just wasn't a good day.

"y/n?" His voice had gotten closer until you hear the door open. Covering your face up with the blanket as he walked closer to you. "what's wrong?" he asks as he pulls down the blanket just enough to see your face. When he notices the tears in your eyes he places a kiss on your forehead before he asks again.

Closing your eyes you speak, unable to look him in the eyes. "me..im what's wrong." He looks at you "what's that supposed to mean?" You sometimes wish he could feel how you feel. just to understand what you go through. "what don't you understand. Look at me!" your sitting up now and looking at your boyfriend in front of you who is looking at you with a confused look on his expression.

He takes your hands in his and looks at you trying to calm you down. "all i see is my boyfriend looking back at me with tears in his eyes" God you wanted to crawl out of your skin, you were usually easy to calm down but not today. Today was a really bad day and he's never been with you on these days.

You get up out of bed and walk away from his pacing your room before standing in front of your body length mirror once again. Your hands move to your stomach as you close your eyes. A sigh leaves your lips before turning around and looking at Derek who is sitting on your bed.

He knows about you being trans and he has been a huge supporter. Maybe he wasn't an expert on it when you guys got together but he was always supportive of things like that. He has helped you in so many ways. So rationally you knew he loved you regardless but this side of you that was pessimistic was awful.

As you stood there probably looking like a crazy person he was looking at with such love that it was heartbreaking. "You aren't looking at me though. You see what I want you to see...I've never let you see me without a shirt on"

Your voice breaks as you wipe your tears from your face "Boyfriends are supposed to be able to do that. I want you to see a glimpse of how I see myself" Your hands go to the bottom of your shirt and you pull it up and off of you, then your arms cover you a bit out of instinct.

Derek who had walked up to you as you had been talking places his hands on your arms. "can I move these?" he asks and when you nod he moves them to your sides. He doesn't touch them instead he acknowledges them and places his hands on each side of your face making you look up at him. "you want to know exactly what I see?"

You respond with a quiet "what?" there is a kiss placed on your lips before his voice fills the room. "I still see my boyfriend, my very handsome boyfriend actually. Who is extremely intelligent, and helps out at work every day and does such a great job. Someone that will talk during a movie or gasp at certain scenes, and then without a doubt be the one saying all the behind the scenes stuff we missed out on"

He pauses and kisses you again "A man who i just happen to love wholeheartedly and would do anything for. A man who I truly believe to be perfect even on days when he thinks he is less than that. Having breasts don't make you less of a man, i understand how it could feel that way but its who you are. You are a man and you will always be one and it will never make me feel less for you or make me see you any differently than yesterday"

Tears were running down your face as he spoke and the only response you could give was you throwing your arms around him and kissing him. His hands go to your waist and kisses you back.

When you finally pull away for air he laughs and kisses your lips once again. "if you are feeling up for it would you like to watch a movie and eat?" You take his hand in yours and walk to the living room with him "I would love too"

-----

The rest of the night is spent feeding each other and laughing at jokes one of you told even as the movie plays. You two were curled up with each other under a blanket as the movie ends. And without a doubt you told him a few facts about things that happened behind the scenes and some other cute facts that he hadn't known yet.

#river13245 #angst #fluff #criminal minds masterlist #derek morgan #derek morgan x reader #derek morgan x male reader #derek morgan x Ftm reader #gender dysphoria #transgender #criminal minds fic #derek morgan imagine

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lady-charinette · 1 year

Text

"Do you think....we are good parents to her?" Rei's question got whispered into the bedroom, only the silver light of the moon peeking into their room.

Kazuki flexed his hands, turning his head to make out Rei's oddly serene features in the darkness. It's been a while since they left their life of killing, it took even longer than that for Rei and Kazuki both to lean into the normal, civilian way of life with honest work and daring to dream of safety.

But with Miri, all their struggles seemed to reduce in size.

Kazuki smiled wrily. "Are you getting sentimental on me, old man?"

Rei nudged him with his good elbow. "We're only in our 40s."

Kazuki laughed, quietly enough to not rouse Miri from her room. "Yeah..." with a deep sigh, he slowly turned to fully face Rei. "Honestly...sometimes I don't really know. Miri's older now, we get into fights with her every now and then. Remember the first time she talked back to us?"

Rei suppressed a chuckle but the corners of his lips twisted into the beginnings of a smile. "You had a mental breakdown the whole day and hallucinated "rebellious teenage Miri"."

Kazuki turned serious for a second. "Rebellious teenage Miri CAN hurt me."

Rei shook his head. "Hm...I think..." with some effort, Rei turned on his side, now face to face with Kazuki. "I don't know either."

Kazuki sighed, a fond smile gracing his lips. His hand twitched on its position between their bodies. "I think we're doing our best, just like everyone else. Tomo-chan told me the other night how she wants to strangle her husband sometimes because he doesn't do as much housework as he used to."

Rei chuckled with a knowing smile. "Did you offer to dispose of her husband again in your drunken state?"

Kazuki scratched the back of his neck. "...I might have. Hey, nothing that is said while drunk counts. The moms still think I'm joking."

Rei sighed. "Who knows what they would do if they found out you aren't joking."

Kazuki hummed thoughtfully. "...I actually think they might be down if they found out we used to be actual hitmen."

Rei ignored the last remark, his voice turning softer again. More vulnerable. "I wonder if I made it hard for you and Miri..."

The unspoken words hung heavy in the air, Kazuki staring at the cloud of guilt hanging over Rei's head. "You sacrificed so much for Miri, for us. We pulled through everything we set our mind to so far, so..." in a bold move, Kazuki scooted closer to Rei on the bed and gently rested a hand on the back of Rei's head, leaning in close to bonk their foreheads together. "Be more confident, eh?"

Rei couldn't clearly see in the darkness, but he knew Kazuki was grinning his trademark grin.

In a leap of courage, Rei inched closer and rested his hand on Kazuki's cheek. "Only if you do the same, you hypocrite."

Kazuki froze. "Huh?"

Rei smirked. "You don't think the mom group sends me updates about your drunken adventures? I've seen you cry as a drunk depressed ball more often than sober."

Feeling heat burning his cheeks, Kazuki tried to back away. "Ah- wait, about that- ugh I knew I shouldn't have trusted Mari to keep a secret!"

Rei snickered, rubbing his thumb across Kazuki's cheek, which caught his attention. "We're in this together, partner. So...lean on me too."

Kazuki blinked rapidly, touched at Rei's sincerity. They've come a long way since their starting days, but it still surprised Kazuki to see the softer side of Rei.

Still, a good hitman knew to never miss an opening shot.

Now fully pressed against Rei's body, Kazuki wrapped his arms around him and rubbed his nose against Rei's affectionately. "If you insist, partner."

Kazuki was positive Rei was blushing up a storm with how hot his skin felt on his. "I-I didn't mean it like that..."

Even when he said this, Rei wrapped his arm around Kazuki and never let him go till morning.

Thanks for reading!

#bd #buddy daddies #kazurei #kazuki kurusu #rei suwa #miri unasaka #bd fic #buddy daddies fic

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skinnypaleangryperson · 7 months

Text

There are literally tears streaming down my face right now, and I wasn't even expecting to care about the episode that much. Once I processed what the show is trying to communicate with Rick's inner stagnance and grief, I started balling with the music at the end that was meant to portray the fact that he realized now that now that there's nothing left to do or anything to act on or to put all that energy to there's nothing left except for the hardest battle to fight, which is the acceptance of the fact that he can't get his wife or anything back.

This is such a perfect portrayal of what inner depression feels like with nowhere for it to go or anyone to talk to about it because it's just something you have to accept.

Rick is such an incredibly good portrayal of depression and grief because, especially with this last couple of seconds when Morty thinks that he's satisfied, but there's nothing that you can do about emotional grief and the fact that you can never get back what you lost, especially with something as profound as what Rick obviously considers the love of his life. The feeling is like nothing else; and even worse, it's the loneliest feeling in the world because nobody knows what it feels like to carry that grief every single day and it's profound and constant battle except for yourself.

It's the worst feeling and the heaviest feeling in the world for Rick to realize there's nothing left to do-he still didn't have his Diane back, and his grief is still full of nothing but what he can't help but feel is a cheap emulation of the life that he should have had. If you ever genuinely grieved over anything that you can never get back and there's nothing left but emptiness to reflect over it, I don't know how you couldn't be incredibly touched by Rick's character. His story is such a stark and jarringly incredibly written story over long-term grief and how it never really heals or gets better, but is a weight that you care with you for the rest of your life everyday, every moment.

I remember when I watched the first unity episode I was literally paralyzed from how much it touched me once we got more information about the fact that the reason why he went home and tried to terminate himself was because he had this a lifelong grief that he was carrying with him that he still is. I don't think in my life, literally, I have ever been so touched or so abrasively paralyzed by the idea of someone suffering from a young age all the way till 70 and never getting over it, because, if your brain is wired a certain way, some people truly never get over tragedy.

This show is so goofy and it obviously doesn't take itself seriously, but somehow it managed to pull up one of the most compelling paralyzingly impactful characters that I've ever consumed in media in my life.

#I am projecting a lot #but I really don't have any interests in anything anymore except for itself shipping with Rick Sanchez and one other character #as much as I can be I'm grateful for the fact that Rick came to me and my life at a time when I really needed a character to grieve with at #this incredibly life-endingly paralyzing time in my life.#and I couldn't care less about being accepted by the fandom or whatever it's called so I'm free to make as many whack post as much as I want #or whatever it is most of you would call it #rick and morty #lol

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otomefiend · 10 months

Text

Alfons Sylvatica

Story Event: I want to steal you

Chapter 1

It's so much fun translating this event, since Al is such a troll. I love it. His dialogues are stellar. Enjoy this prelude to the wild ride that is Al's event. Every event. You've been warned. Further chapters go places. 👀

~~Part 1~~

It was the day after witnessing a horrific incident during one of the Crown's missions.

Alfons: "How are you doing, Kate?"

Kate: "Ah, it's you, Alfons."

Kate: "Um... I'm fine as ever?"

Alfons: "I see. Oh? Who left this chocolate pudding here?"

Elbert: "....? I have no idea."

Alfons: "It seems there's no name attached to it..."

Without hesitation, Alfons scooped up the pudding with a spoon and popped it into his mouth.

Kate: "Is it okay? It could still belong to someone else."

Alfons: "Dearest Kate, you're always so serious. It's delicious because it belongs to someone else."

Alfons: "Fancy doing something sinful with me? Let me borrow your mouth."

Alfons: "Say aah."

Kate: "Eh? Wait... mmph!"

Alfons: "Heh, now you're my accomplice. How naughty of you, Kate."

Kate: "Just because you put it in my mouth without asking ---."

Harrison: "Oh, here you are, Kate."

Kate: "... Harrison. Is something wrong?"

~~Part 2~~

Harrison: "I have a message from Liam."

~~~

Liam: "I'm really sorry. I was looking forward to our date tonight, but I'm acting as a stand-in on stage at short notice."

Liam: "I wanted us to have a lot of fun at the travelling fair."

~~~

Harrison: "You know, he meant to tell you this in person, but was afraid he wouldn't be able to leave if he saw your face."

Harrison: "That's why I'm delivering the message."

Kate: "I see. Thank you for telling me, Harrison."

Harrison: "Yeah. He was worried, thinking you were still feeling down."

Elbert: "...oh, after last night?"

Elbert: "I heard it was a horrific scene."

The mission I went on with William last night was one of the bloodiest I've experienced since becoming a fairytale writer.

I thought I had gotten used to it, but the scene still lingered on my mind.

(He didn't say it directly, but I think Liam was trying to ask me out on a date out of concern for me.)

He was a kind man who tried to take care of my heart whenever something happened.

Elbert: "... will you be all right?"

(Oh no.... I shouldn't worry others unnecessarily)

Kate: "Yes, don't worry about it. I'm fine."

Elbert: ".... are you sure?"

Alfons: "What a pointless question, El."

~~Part 3~~

Alfons: "If Kate is depressed, it's because she no longer has a date with Liam."

Alfons: "Am I right?"

Kate: "You're wr....!"

I tried to deny it, but I thought it better if I played along so as not to make everyone feel uncomfortable.

Kate: "... it might be so. Liam has been there for me during times like this."

Alfons: "I see. If that's the case ---."

Alfons: "Would you like to go on a date with me? All you have to do is entrust yourself to me, and I guarantee you a good time."

Kate: "With you, Alfons? ... why all of a sudden?"

Alfons: "I already told you. Stolen pudding tastes the most delicious."

Alfons: "There is nothing more enjoyable than a love affair that has been snatched away from someone else."

(I had a feeling that might be it, but what an outrageous reason. And...)

Kate: "I don't belong to Liam ---."

Harrison: "Huh? Any idea what's happened to my pudding?"

(Was it Harrison's!?)

Alfons: "Indeed, it's already been gobbled up and should be in Roger's stomach by now."

Harrison: "Seriously, a lie? Have you forgotten that my curse allows me to see through lies?

Alfons: "Oh? Then it must have been El's blunder?"

Elbert: ".....?"

Alfons: "Now then, shall we flee from those scoundrels, dear Kate?"

Kate: "Eh? Wait a moment, Alfons!?"

Harrison: "...hey!"

~~~

Alfons led me to a strange place.

Kate: "T-this is..."

~~Part 4~~

Kate: "T-this is..."

Alfons: "Your tonight's plan was to go to a travelling fair with Liam, yes? This seems like a perfect amusement park to me, don't you agree?"

Alfons: "Dense trees, gloomy air, that feeling of tension that might find release at any moment... The haunted house!"

During the time we lived together, I managed to learn a little about Alfons.

He was insolent and dishonest --- a nightmare of a man.

(Probably... no, certainly)

Kate: "This is not a date or anything like that. It's just a mission, isn't it?"

Alfons: "Heh, please be so kind and stop pouting. I was the only one available for this mission, and it felt so unbearably lonely."

Kate: ".... it's pretty obvious you just wanted someone to toy with."

Alfons: "My my, so you're aware of being a toy? As expected from the Crown's very own talented Robin. Excellent, excellent."

(Ugh... for every thing I say, he comes back with a hundred retorts)

Still, since I had been brought here, I had to fulfil my duties as a fairytale writer.

Besides, I really didn't want to go home alone from such a depressing place... yes, that was most certainly the reason I decided to stay.

Kate: "... Fine, I'll go with you. So, what's this mission about?"

I was curious what kind of incident had brought us to this desolate ruin before us.

Alfons: "Theft of valuables and murder. The so-called robbery-murder is rampart in this area."

Alfons: "There are rumours that the perpetrators have broken into the house and are using it as their base."

Kate: "I see... It's true that no one is likely to come here."

Alfons: "First of all, let's check if there are any stolen goods inside."

~~Part 5~~

Kate: "...what if we encounter the culprits while searching?"

Alfons: "Then of course I'll protect you, but don't worry, it will be nothing like last night."

(When Alfons says it, it instantly smells fishy)

But I also felt relieved at his words, which in turn made me a little frustrated with myself.

Alfons: "Onwards. Let's explore this ruin and hopefully have such a stimulating experience that will leave our daily struggles in the dust."

Alfons: "Oops, I got ahead of myself. I was in the process of courting you while Liam was away, wasn't I?"

Alfons: "Kate, would you like to hold hands? Lovers' hold or folded arms, choose any way you like."

With a smooth, uninhibited movement, Alfons took my hand in his.

Alfons: "Oh, your hand is cold. Are you afraid?"

My cheeks flushed involuntarily as he smiled and held my hand in a teasing manner.

Kate: "I'm not scared and we don't need to hold hands. Let's go, Alfons."

Alfons: ".... You really like to play tough, don't you?"

Kate: "...eh?"

Alfons: "Am I wrong?"

---I was going to eat my words just a moment later.

~~~

(Oof...!)

The interior was dim, the paintings on the walls were tilted, and the ornaments were covered with a thick layer of dust.

(I want to find the stolen goods and get out of here as soon as possible!)

Alfons: "Boo!"

Kate: "Wahhh...!"

Alfons: "Haha, your voice just now!"

Kate: "It's not funny. I thought my heart was going to burst..."

Alfons: "In the unlikely event this happens, I'll resuscitate you, so don't worry."

Alfons: "What method would you prefer? Passionate mouth-to-mouth or..."

Normally, I would have said something back, but I was in no position to do so right now.

(It's frustrating to show my weakness like that)

Kate: "Um..."

Alfons: "Yes..?"

Kate: "It doesn't have to be your hand... Can I hold the hem of your clothes?"

(I'm definitely going to be teased......)

Alfons: "Please, go ahead. Do as you wish."

Chapter 2

#omg I love him so much!!! 🤣❤️#ikemen villains #ikevil #alfons sylvatica #ikevil alfons #ikevil story event

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nappingtopknot · 1 year

Text

Home for the Holidays - Will Poulter x Reader

God you guys have no idea how long I was working on this, writer's block and depression are a bitch.

Anyway finally getting my shit together and really wanted to finish this before moving on to something else.

Hope you like it

Warnings: Some swearing, a tiny bit of angst but mostly fluff

Word Count: 3,304

Summary: You take your boyfriend home to meet your family for the first time and it takes an unexpected turn.

Under the cut for length.

Introducing your boyfriend to the family was never an easy thing to do. Especially around the holidays.

You haven't seen your parents in a while and they've been itching to meet the new beau since you first made it official two summers ago.

This is huge.

What if they don't like him? What if he doesn't like them?

Anxiety flushes over your arrival at the airport. A million thoughts race through your mind on how this can end so horribly.

"Hey" a voice snaps you from your trance.

You look over at your boyfriend, concern on his face. Reaching over to grab your hand before giving it a gentle squeeze.

"It'll be fine I promise. They'll love me" he says matter of factly.

You hear them calling your boarding group and before you have a second to contemplate it any further you're making your way toward the gate.

Here goes nothing.

Driving through your hometown is always so weird. The nostalgia that flows can be overwhelming, relieving memories so vividly as you pass through certain areas.

You miss it you do. But you left and that part of your life is behind you now.

Walking up the steps to your family home the nerves set in again. Go away, you tell yourself as you try to shake them off before ringing the bell.

They'll love him.

They'll love him…

"Y/n! Oh, honey, we're so glad you're home!" Your mom says pulling you into a bear hug. "We've missed you so much"

She pulls away briefly looking around before meeting your face again. "Y/n, where is he? Your bae" she says teasingly, "You said he was coming to meet us"

"He's just getting the bags from the trunk I'm sure he's-"

Your mom all but screams when she sees your boyfriend finally.

"Hey Mrs. Y/L/N! It's so nice to finally meet you" he says holding his hand to meet your moms for a handshake.

"Mom, this is Michael"

"It's so wonderful to meet you too! Oh my gosh y/n isn't he just the cutest"

She likes him. That's good?

"Let's get you both inside"

You're home.

Walking through your childhood home sent so many memories flooding through your brain. Walking up the stairs, looking at all the photos that line the walls.

Nostalgia hits you like a brick wall as soon as you enter your old bedroom.

Michael lets out an audible laugh when he sees some of your childhood photos.

"It was a phase okay? Don't laugh" You playfully scold.

"I don't know I'm kinda digging this look more. Maybe you need to bring this back" he teases as he draws closer to you. His hands raking up your hips.

You press your lips to his chest, "maybe if your lucky I'll dig that shirt out later"

But before Michael can answer your mom hollered from downstairs.

"Y/n your father's home! Come on downstairs"

Mom's no big deal compared to Dad.

You feel the worry and anxiety wash over you again but before you can get lost in your thoughts Michael squeezes your sides tight.

"Hey, it'll be fine, alright?"

You nod and make your way downstairs with Michael in tote.

As you turn the corner wrapping around the stairs you meet your father's eyesight.

"There's my girl" your dad shouts from the bottom.

"Dad!"

You make your way down the stairs to meet your father's warm embrace.

"I've missed you so much sweetheart," he says squeezing you tighter.

"I missed you too dad"

He holds you just a moment longer before letting go and finally laying his eyes on Michael standing behind you.

"Ah, this must be Michael. Put her there son" he says holding his hand out for a handshake

"Pleasure to meet you, Sir"

So polite.

"Pleasures all mine"

Going well so far.

"Whaddya say about a beer son? I'll show you the man cave in the basement."

Michael looks towards you briefly for a moment before your father speaks up, "I'm sure y/n and her mother have some catching up to do so it'll give us a chance to get to know each other"

"Yes sir"

"Alright y/n, we'll see you later. If your mom asks where I am tell her I'm in the basement"

And with that, they were gone. He whisked your boyfriend away to the "man cave".

Fingers crossed they get along. God, you hope they get along.

Walking into the kitchen brings back old memories of rushing out of the house to get to school.

Those random bake sales you did with your girlfriends. And you can't forget the late nights spent hanging out with friends.

You've kept in contact with most of your old friends, and a few you've grown apart. Life just gets in the way and it's understandable.

No one stays in your life forever.

Pulling you from your thoughts is the sound of clinking dishes. Helping mom, right.

"Hey need help with anything?"

"Yeah hun if you wouldn't mind pulling the leaf out from the garage, we'll need it for dinner on Wednesday."

"Why the leaf? I thought it was just us for Christmas"

"Oh gosh I didn't tell you did I? Your father and I have been doing a joint Christmas dinner with the neighbors, it's too quiet with all the kids gone so it's nice having a full house again."

"You.. you guy's never mentioned that. Mom, I would have come home more for Christmas if I knew you were lonely."

"Oh, sweetie!" your mom exclaims, "It's no problem! You are an adult with your own life and career sweetie we understand. It's actually been great! It's like a potluck and we switch off houses each year and we happened to be hosting this year."

"Well that sounds fun I guess"

Now you kinda feel like a jerk for leaving your parents all alone.

"It's a lot of fun. You forget how to live for yourself when you have kids, and after you leave us we as parents all feel lost. But I've found new hobbies and made new friends of which Linda from pilates and her husband are coming so you'll get to meet them."

"Well that's good I'm excited to meet them. I'm happy for you mom."

"Now go get the leaf and you can help me start prepping dessert."

You nod and make your way toward the garage.

After some digging around in the garage you finally found the damn leaf hiding behind a heavy box you can't lift.

And you think to yourself that this is a perfect excuse to go steal your boyfriend back from your father.

But as your walking back into the house you hear indistinct talking. Your mom. And someone else?

You can't make out who it is, but they sound eerily familiar?

As you make your way back inside, walking through the mudroom into the hallway you hear the voice more clearly.

That's not...

Rounding the corner you're sent into a tailspin.

Why is he here?

You're not even paying attention to the words your moms saying to you, you're too distracted by him.

You clear your throat awkwardly as you realize you've been silent for too long and their both now just staring at you.

"Sorry, Mom what?"

"Y/n, honey, I said did you find the leaf?"

"Oh right, sorry. Yeah I was coming in to get Michael because it's behind some heavy boxes I couldn't move on my own"

Stop staring at him.

Why are you staring at him like that?

"Well, what perfect timing, look who stopped by? I'm sure he won't mind helping now won't you, Will?"

"Of course not. It's lovely to see you y/n! It's been too long"

"Same, uh, to you. What, um are you doing here?"

You couldn't be more uncomfortable right now.

"I'm in town visiting my parents and your mom had asked for a few eggs so I'm just dropping them off."

"Greaaat. It's fine though I don't need your help, I was just gonna get my boyfriend to help. You can go home."

"Nonsense y/n, I'm sure he doesn't mind", your mom interjects.

With awkward silence that's only awkward to you, Will finally speaks.

"Right, well lovely speaking with you Mrs. Y/L/N, mum's looking forward to your pot roast on Wednesday."

"How sweet, tell her I look forward to her famous toffee pudding!"

"I'll make sure to tell her," he said before walking toward you.

"This Way" you lead.

"So love, how have you been?"

Will tries to fight the silence.

You don't hate him. You just dislike him.

"Been good Will."

Okay, maybe you do hate him.

Growing up you were two were close. And now you're not and no amount of pretending is going to make things normal.

"Boxes are there" you spit more bitterly than intended

"Right let's get these buggers moved shall we."

The truth is you did like him at one point. But that's long since passed, he's an ass. Conceited and only cares about himself.

You were good friends with his sisters, that's how you two met. But he's an ass and abandoned you.

"All set, do you want me to carry this in for you? It's quite heavy"

"No Will I got it."

"Are you sure?", Will tries to insist, "It's really not a bother"

"I said I got it."

"Alright... I do mean it, it was lovely seeing you again. Don't be such a stranger."

Psh. Me? He's the stranger.

Besides. You both are different people now. And you don't need him in your life.

Will holds his hand out for a handshake and you turn to grab the leaf with both hands instead.

Will retracts his hand taking the hint, "See you around love."

----

Even though you hadn't been home for long you cannot count down the days until you were back home in your own bed back to your normal life and routine.

It's definitely comforting to at least have Michael here by your side when you wake up.

Staying with your family has gone smoothly so far.

You couldn't have been happier that Michael and your family were getting along.

Making breakfast the day before for your mom and dad was certainly the cherry on top for them with Michael.

You were helping your mom clean the house and move furniture around to make room for all the tables.

Michael is even helping hang some decorations.

Everything was picture-perfect… until he showed up.

"Will! I'm so glad you could come help." Your mom all but cheered for him.

"Of course Mrs. Y/L/N, I'm always happy to help"

"We have some decorations that need to be hung and I cannot for the life of me find our ladder, but your nice and tall so I figured you should be able to reach them"

Will let off a soft chuckle.

A sweet sound you haven't heard in a while. No, you hate him remember?

"I will do my best," he said simply.

"Great Michaels in the dining room he'll show you where you put them"

Fuck.

Should you be nervous that your boyfriend and Will are in the same room? Any sane person would say no.

The thing is, Will has never liked a single one of your boyfriends growing up. Not one.

He always had something to say and always thought you deserved better no matter who you were dating.

Seeing them making small talk has you nervous he'll try to sabotage another relationship.

It's one of the reasons why you started to drift apart. There was no winning with him and after graduating, he just up and left.

"Alright, mom what's next?" You say in an attempt to clear your mind.

"Besides setting the tables and putting up a few more string lights I think we're good. Let's go check on the boys."

Godsend. Get Will out of here.

As you make your way toward the dining room you can't help but feel anxious.

What have they been talking about? Are they talking about you?

Was Will just being a dick again, trying to run Michael off.

"Wow, it looks good boys!" Your mom says looking around the room

"Yeah it looks really good guys," you say checking out all the hanging decorations.

"Thanks, love" Will responds.

Your boyfriend shoots you a look of discomfort at your seemly newfound nickname.

Will was a part of your past that you never got into with Michael. It never felt like something important that needed to be discussed.

Besides every celebrity has an asshole story about them from their past friendships.

and to be completely honest, you never thought you'd ever see him again. One big role and suddenly Will's too good to call you anymore.

What a dick.

It didn't help to see all those girls hanging on him like arm candy.

Deep down you couldn't blame the girls. He was incredibly attractive and his accent. God. It's like heaven.

But you knew the real Will. You wouldn't fall for this fake sweet person he suddenly is.

Pulling you from your thoughts, your mother remarks, how nice it is to have everyone together again.

"You should have seen how inseparable these two used to be Michael. We couldn't keep them apart!", your mother jokes lightly nudging both you and Will.

"You know we all used to think you'd get married someday, how silly is that?" Your mom further explained and laughed.

Earning a blush and a chuckle from Will.

Meanwhile, Michael couldn't look more uncomfortable. Clearing his throat he excuses himself.

Taking his queue you follow your boyfriend and as you're heading up the stairs you can faintly hear your mom ask Will,

"What? What did I say?"

…

You find Michael up in your old room, pacing which is never a good sign.

You make your way into the room and plop down on the bed, watching Michael angrily pace, you try to grab his hand to bring him close to you but he pulls away.

Upset he asks, "Were you just never going to tell me, y/n? Cause I think that's pretty shitty of you"

"Woah, tell you what? I have no idea what you're talking about. Calm down baby come sit, talk to me" you pat the empty spot on the bed next to you.

"Calm down?" Michael begins to raise his voice

"Hey", you say firmly interrupting him, "please don't shout with my parents downstairs"

"Y/n, I'm going to shout if I want to shout because I am angry! How could you not tell me your history with him?"

You don't even get a chance to respond as Michael interrupts,

"You really think I want to spend my Christmas with my girlfriend's family and her ex-boyfriend." if your parents didn't hear him shouting before they certainly did now.

"Oh my God no, we never dated! What on earth would give you that ide-" before you could finish your sentence you realized the implications of what your mother said. "That's not what my mom meant Michael"

You stand up and grab his arm trying to bring him closer to you but he pulls away, shoving your hand away.

"No", he shouts, "don't lie to me. I see the way he looks at you."

"Michael, baby please listen to me" you plead

"Damn it, y/n, no I'm leaving!" he says before opening your bedroom door and storming out slamming it behind him.

You had tried to catch your door from slamming but you were too late, it sent a violent shiver throughout your bedroom. And the whole house if you're being honest.

Whipping the door open as fast as you can to try and catch up, chasing him down the stairs desperately pleading with him to stay and talk with you.

But you're too late. He's out the door and starting the rental car, your rental car, and peeling away.

You just stand there in utter shock, you can feel the tears fighting to escape as you watch him drive off into the distance.

This isn't the first time you've fought with your boyfriend.

It's not unusual for him to work himself up over nothing, only to then scream at you for 20 minutes and then apologize.

It's not healthy and you know that. But when you aren't fighting he is a nice guy who makes you laugh and you love him.

But you don't want to walk back inside and face your parents knowing they heard your fight.

There's one place you know they won't look for you, and that's your old tree house.

The place you spent most of your time hiding from the world.

As you make your way up the ladder you think to yourself how perfect this plan is because you know It won't be long before the guests start to arrive. And then your parents will be too distracted with hosting to bother you about Michael storming off.

You can wait it out.

What you weren't expecting was a knock on the tree house door.

"Y/n, I know you're up here. Can you please open the hatch?"

Of course, he would come to find you.

"No, Will go away! Can't you read the sign? No boys allowed"

You can hear him laughing from beneath the floorboards.

"Fair, but darling, I am more of a man though, so can you please let me in?"

He's the last person you want to see right now, yet here you are undoing the latch to the door.

You shimmy back to your little corner to make room for Will and you can't help but giggle at him bumping his head as he enters.

"Oh, is my pain funny to you?" he presses his hand to his chest feigns his hurt.

You try your hardest to fight the smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth.

"I mean you really should see yourself right now" now fully failing to hide your amusement

After some rustling around on Will's end, he was finally able to sit down despite looking so uncomfortable and out of place in your tiny childhood tree house.

"So…." Will breaks the silence

"Sooo…."

"Michael seems… interesting"

"Oh shut it, Will. You never have anything nice to say about anyone I've dated"

"Yeah, but that's because you always manage to date arseholes"

You huff, "I do not always date assholes, Will."

"What about Steven?" Will asks, raising his eyebrow

"Or that Chris guy… and Matt.. oh and that guy with Mohawk- you cut him off "okay okay I get your point. Alright? But you don't know what it's like."

"You have always been so critical of everyone I've ever introduced you to. It's not nice having your best friend tear apart every guy you bring around"

Will frowns. Knowing he's made you upset.

Why the fuck did you let him up here.

"I'm sorry, love. I wasn't trying to be mean on purpose I just-You mean so much to me, you deserve so much more than those losers"

"If I meant so much to you why did you leave me?"

The question you had asked yourself for years.

"Because Y/n, you deserve more."

Your eyes swell, desperate to keep the tears from spilling. You've been fighting these emotions for so long.

You are tired of fighting. Fighting yourself, fighting your feelings.

"Don't bullshit me Will, honest to God. I loved you, you were my best friend and the last person that I thought would abandon me."

"Y/n-" Will starts but stops his train of thought.

"I'm a massive wanker"

You're caught off guard by his choice of words, falling to suppress a giggle through your tears.

"Don't laugh, y/n I'm trying to be serious here"

"I'm a massive wanker- he begins again, "for not telling you how madly in love I was with you."

"What?"

"I was afraid it would ruin our friendship and then things got so busy with acting, always traveling and you didn't deserve that. You deserve someone who can be there for you always."

Will moves closer to you before continuing,

"But it's not only that, I wanted to tell you so many times, but the more I thought about it the more I thought about what people would say about me online I could only imagine what they would say about you, and I just couldn't put you through all that."

He pauses to take your hand into his for comfort.

"I'm sorry, I handled it poorly and shouldn't have left you the way I did."

"Will, I- I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything, it's okay I just want my best friend back. And I will understand if you say no"

"I-yeah yeah Will I think I would really like that."

You look up at him and see how wide he's beaming.

"Would you care to join me for dinner before it gets cold?"

"Yeah Will, I'd like that."

---

Later on, in the evening you texted Michael and told him to have his shit packed and out of the house before you returned later in the week.

You then spent the rest of that night, and a few more hanging out with Will. Catching each other up on everything and anything.

You felt nostalgic, you missed this. You missed him.

Despite everything that happened between you and Will it felt like a fresh start, you felt at peace with where you two were.

And who knows where this rekindled friendship will go.

#will poulter #will poulter x reader #will poulter fluff #will poulter imagine #will poulter x you

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thedeerman · 2 months

Text

Do You Want to Know?

Hey all, I've been writing nonstop because im obsessed with these stupid idiots and im so excited for whats coming up!!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

Ch5: Realize

Alastor woke up earlier than he’d like. A lot earlier. But… He woke up. Which meant he fell asleep. He tried to think of falling asleep the night before, vaguely remembering tossing and turning late into the night. But at some point, for the first time in days (weeks?), the radio demon had at least a few hours of solid rest. Alastor sighed. A deep, heavy, appreciative sigh. I don’t know how it happened, but bless the sins it did. He had no fretful dreams. No sudden, panicked waking. No feeling like there was still a hole torn into his chest.

The demon shook himself awake, not allowing his little bit of rest to be spoiled by thinking of how unrestful he’d been recently. Don’t ruin a good thing, he thought as he prepared for the day. He picked up the envelope on his desk on his way out and made his way toward the kitchen to make coffee. His shadow followed wordlessly, seeming to smile wider than it had in days. Alastor ignored it, figuring maybe the thing had been tired too. Does it get tired…? He wasn’t sure. He’d never thought about it before.

Coffee was made, and the daily chore board was still out and displayed in the meeting room. Charlie was nowhere to be seen, but it looked like the board had been updated. Curiosity led the radio demon into the room to get a closer look. No senseless chores with Lucifer today, thank the stars. Only his regularly scheduled hotel running nonsense. He went to turn away, but his eyes caught something before he could. A name. Lucifer. What’s he going to be doing today…? Alastor stopped himself suddenly. This is enough. This needs to stop. He cringes, remembering the contents of the letter that he had written last night, before getting some well needed rest. Why was his mind so frustratingly stuck on Lucifer recently? Alastor skimmed over the schedule again and decided that the morning meeting wasn’t important today. Nothing was important today. There was one place and one place only that he needed to be if he was to fix this, and it sure as shit wasn’t under the same roof as Lucifer.

Alastor waited until Charlie made herself known to excuse himself for the day. The princess seemed disappointed but understanding, as always. He patted the girl on the head before handing her his daily envelope and taking his leave.

Lucifer’s morning was uneventful. Really uneventful. As in, out of the two most noticeable beings in the building, only one was present for their morning meeting. There were plenty of sinners in the hotel, but as far as Lucifer’s fleeting attention was concerned, the only souls that mattered were Charlie and Alastor.

Lucifer stops mid-stride at that thought. What in the absolute fuck? This was getting to be… too much. Like, genuinely honestly too fucking much. The king of hell had spent a lot of time alone. His wife had left him decades ago, taking Charlie with her. After the loss of the only light in his eternal life, he didn’t really get out much. Depression took over, he spent day after day working on silly little rubber duck toys (okay, maybe he still does make them here and there, what of it?) and there were times when literal years went by without so much as touching another living soul. That screws a guy up, right?

Lucifer continued aimlessly wandering down the long, empty halls, letting himself reason that this was all just a response to some kind of mental illness or something. It’s not like a mentally healthy individual would want anything to do with Alastor… But then his mind does what his mind does. It spiraled. And by the time he’d looped around the entire ground floor of the hotel, he was already wondering if Husk would make him a breakfast cocktail. Husk… Suddenly, the king gets an idea. It might not be a good idea, but it’s an idea nonetheless. He put the idea aside, letting it simmer a bit before deciding on it. For now, he was going to go back to his room to read today’s letter.

Once he got to his tower, Lucifer carefully pulled the papers out of his pocket. He glanced over today’s writing prompt first, already wondering what question would put Alastor at the forefront of his mind yet again. Well, aside from the question of where he’d gone off to early this morning. Not your business. Not your problem. The king looked over the mostly empty page. On the top, the prompt read: “Name one thing that you assumed about your person but have since realized that you were wrong about.” Lucifer let a few stray thoughts run through his mind. I assumed a lot about him. Some of it was right, like… he’s an asshole. But some of it was wrong, like… Lucifer glanced at the radio on his shelf, thinking again of the calming music that he fell asleep to the evening before. The angel was too deep in his own thoughts to get this done right now. He turned his attention to the sealed letter addressed to him. Tearing and tossing the envelope onto the floor, he slowly opened the perfect square inside. Lucifer’s eyes ran over the words. It said:

“Name three interesting things you’ve noticed about your person.”

One thing that I’ve found interesting about you has been your sudden dedication to the hotel. You weren’t around before the attack, but ever since, you’ve been here every single day. A second thing that I find interesting about you is that you tend to walk most places, even though teleporting would be easier. The third interesting thing that I’ve noticed about you is your new bowtie.

The color suits you.

If Lucifer’s jaw could have hit the floor, it would have. The first point stung a little, the awful guilt he felt over not being in Charlie’s life up until now was still pretty fresh. But he takes a moment to also acknowledge that it mentions his continued dedication since getting here. The angel shrugged at that, okay, so that part isn’t ALL bad… and moves on to the next point. It was true, he did walk most of the time. He hadn’t realized that anyone noticed. Walking gave him a few minutes to process going from someplace comfortable and private to going someplace filled with other troubled, tortured, miserable souls. It was a soothing routine. And that brought him to the final point in the letter… It was… a compliment! A straight up, no nonsense compliment, no hidden meaning that he could find, just a genuine nice thing being said about him.

Lucifer glanced at the corner of his desk, locking his eyes on the two perfect little squares that sat there. He opened each of them up and read all three of them, one by one. First,

One thing I admire about this person is his raw power. It has a lot of potential. Another thing I admire is his determined unwillingness to back down from a challenge.

Next,

One thing I am curious about is your absence throughout the day. Aside from scheduled meetings and chores, you almost always seem to be missing.

And finally,

The color suits you.

The fallen angel read the notes over and over, and noticed that the first letter was formatted differently from the others. Like the writer was answering the question directly to whoever had asked, rather than to the person intended to read it. Lucifer stared at the pages like they would eventually give in to his questions, telling him exactly who was writing to him. Not knowing who he was assigned to didn’t bother him much before, it was a gentle curiosity at best. But now, this person complimented him. There had to be some ulterior motive, but how? How could someone manipulate his feelings about them when he didn’t even know who they were? People didn’t just give compliments to him. Not even his own wife (ex wife…) gave out free compliments. His mind flashed to his typical, pre-mixed mess of anger and depression that always took over when he thought of Lilith, but it was amazingly short lived. Lucifer didn’t let his thoughts take hold and drag him into an ex-wife shaped emotional breakdown. He managed, somehow, to break free of the thoughts almost as soon as they started. He looked down at his new bowtie and then back at the final page in front of him. His cheeks warmed up noticeably as he again read the line at the bottom.

The color suits you.

Several minutes of silence later, Lucifer remembers the idea he had earlier. He decides that he doesn’t actually have much of anything to lose and opens a portal down to the hotel bar.

Cannibal Town was one of the more pleasant areas of Hell, and all credit was due to the overlord ruling over the territory. She was tall, sharp, wise, and kind. She was also one of Alastor’s most trusted confidants. As the radio demon pushed the door in front of him open, Rosie’s head turned towards the sound. She immediately lit up at the sight of her dear friend, rushing over to greet him. “Alastooor! I wondered when you would stop by again!” He nodded, and quickly said, “Rosie, dear, do you have a moment?” The cannibal overlord’s smile widened as she rushed her visitor into the small sitting area in the back of the shop. It was closed off from the rest of the building and Rosie had made it nice and private. Alastor sat at the table, as he had many times before, lost in his thoughts. His thoughts about…

Rosie interrupted his wandering mind with “Are ya hungry? Want a little something to nibble on?” As much as Alastor typically loved Rosie’s assortment of fingers and legs and whatever else she may have gathered up, he just couldn’t find his appetite. “No thank you, but I do appreciate it.” Then he added, “I’ve come to ask for some advice.”

Rosie left the snacks where they were and went to the table to sit across from her friend, bringing only a small tea cup along with her. Alastor could feel her black, endless eyes watching him, quietly, as he formed his next thought. Once he could find the words, he leaned across the table just a bit, as if someone would be listening in. “I’ve been experiencing some… problems.”

“What kind of problems, hun?”

Alastor’s smile was strained, almost a snarl, as he thought about the past few weeks. His sleeplessness, the flashbacks, the panic, and of course… “Lucifer.��

“And what has the king done now to deserve such a reaction?”

Alastor closed his eyes for a moment, trying to mold his thoughts into words. “Nothing. He’s been very… civil” the demon starts. “But… There's something else.” With a heavy sigh, he began explaining the princess’s new activities to Rosie, and that he was being forced to write anonymous letters to the devil. He went on, describing his inability to sort his thoughts on the fallen angel. At first all Alastor wanted was for him to leave. His very presence jeopardized all of Alastor’s plans, ones that he had painstakingly put together over the course of months. He told her about his contradicting thoughts, how he wanted to be far away from the king, but also as close as possible. How he couldn’t get the idiot out of his head no matter how hard he tried. He told her what he had written in the letters, how all he could think of the night before was that the angel was actually listening to his radio broadcast, how looking down at the wide eyed king made his dead heart beat louder.

Rosie listened in silence, sipping her tea and dunking a severed finger into the hot liquid before biting into it. She waited patiently as Alastor continued.

“That isn’t all. I’ve been experiencing these terrible flashbacks… From the battle.” He took a moment to remind himself not to let the anxiety take over. “I keep seeing it again and again. I can’t sleep. I can’t even walk down an empty hallway without being strangled by my own memories.”

Rosie spoke up. “I didn’t realize the invasion had affected you like this…” Her frown was quickly replaced with a gentle smile. Then she asked, “Is there anything that helps?” This made Alastor pause. After a moment, he admitted that the previous night, he actually slept for a few peaceful hours. For the first time in weeks. But he couldn’t fathom why.

When he looked up, the overlord in front of him had a mischievous smile on her face. She was trying to suppress it, but it was obvious that she was failing. “Now Alastor. Didn’t you mention that you spent the evening thinking about Lucifer and how he’s been tuning into your show?” The radio demon was still. He stared into the black holes that were Rosie’s eyes, confused. She let out a sweet, giddy laugh. “Alastor, honey. I’ve known you for a long time. A long time. And I genuinely never thought this would ever happen. But who am I to deny what’s clear as day in front of me?” Alastor was getting uncomfortable, but only slightly. He forced himself to take a breath and looked again at Rosie.

“I find suffering just as fun as anyone else in Hell, but even I am lost at your response to my… problems.” Rosie looks at him with a knowing look in her nonexistent eyes.

“Okay, listen. First off… with the battle. You’ve never been one to run from a fight unless it’s looking dire. So I suppose I’m right in assuming that you got hurt pretty good?” Alastor gripped his microphone protectively, willing his mind to keep him here, in Cannibal Town, in front of Rosie. “Yes” is all he says.

“Well, that fact isn’t going to change. What’s happened is done and over. But sometimes in a near double-death experience… Well, physical wounds aren’t the only ones that need time to heal, you know?” Alastor took a moment to consider this. There were very few times in his life or death where he felt so helpless. He didn’t remember dying. The bullet that killed him had gone straight through his brain and his death was over before Alastor even knew it had started. The only other time previous to the invasion where he felt so helpless was…

He forced his mind away from the thoughts he felt beginning to rise to the surface. Another unhealed wound, the demon thought to himself. He was silent for a long time, and then let out a sigh. “I suppose you may be right. Perhaps this will pass in time.” Rosie’s smile grew again.

“Now, with your other little-” she chuckled at the height joke, “issue.” Alastor leaned forward, his mind now firmly placed in the present. “Do you really not see it, dear?” He shook his head, confused as to what this woman could be possibly going on about. “Please,” Alastor says quietly, “If you understand how I can remedy this, explain it to me simply. In plain words.”

Rosie took a moment before sharing her thoughts. “Okay.” Her smile fell a bit as she continued, “Now, all I know is what you’ve just told me. But I’ve been around a long time, and the way souls interact with each other is my specialty. You know that.” Alastor nodded slowly. “So, what I’m about to say may sound odd to you, but keep in mind that I have very good reasons to say it.”

It was quiet for too long. Far too long. Alastor was about ready to fill the building with an unholy amount of radio static just to bring an end to the silence when Rosie finally spoke again. “The feelings that you’re describing to me aren’t a problem, dear. It isn’t hate at all, it’s interest! You’re interested in him. There’s nothing wrong with that!” The radio demon’s eyes narrowed at his friend’s words. “Interest?” He questioned.

“Yes! The kind of interest that one soul gets for another. The kind that leads to spending more time together…?” As Rosie waited for the demon in front of her to piece her words together, Alastor sighed. “You think I want to be friends with him?” Rosie laughed, “No! Oh Alastor, you’re too funny. I guess I’ll just come out with it.”

“Yes, please do,” Alastor hissed, losing his patience. Rosie is overcome by another fit of giggling, trying to hide her wide smile behind the cup in her hand. What she said next, she said in a sing-songy voice, with a smile wider than even that of the demon sitting in front of her. When she finally says it, it’s like she’s been holding it in for hours.

“You have a CRUSH, Alastor!!!”

The bar isn’t entirely empty today. Angel was sitting on one of the barstools, watching Husk with a really odd level of intensity. I mean, the guy was just wiping down the counter. What was so interesting about that? He sat down a couple of seats away from the spider demon, not wanting to intrude on anything. And yet, before he could even ask for a drink, Angel was perched on the stool next to Lucifer, staring. Staring at… him. The king felt his face get warm at the sudden attention. He opened his mouth to speak but it was too late.

“Heya, short king~” He didn’t know how to respond to that. Before he had to make a decision, a fluffy paw set a drink in front of him. It was the same drink as last time. The king gazed up guiltily at the bartender. Husk grinned and said, “Uh huh. Figured.” Angel watched the interaction without a word, but Lucifer could just vaguely make out a sudden feeling of annoyance coming from the demon. Or maybe it was jealousy? Why would this literal porn star be- But the discomfort was gone as soon as it arrived, dissipating immediately as Angel’s eyes met with Husk’s. And then both sets of eyes simultaneously looked to the king.

Lucifer started stuttering, “Uhhh… If you were in the middle of something, um, I can, I can go, I-” It was Angel that interrupted him. “No, that’s not it. We uhh… We wanted to talk to you about somethin…” Lucifer’s eyes went wide at this. They want to… Talk to me? He struggled to put on a casual look. “Yeah! Yeah of course! Uhh.. What’s, um, what’s up?” His smile was beyond forced, probably looking as ridiculous as it felt, and his mind was racing trying to figure out what it was these two demons wanted to talk to him about.

Angel continued, “See, Husky and me have been noticin’ some things.” Husk spoke next. “Yeah. Some worrying things.” If the devil was capable of having a heart attack, he would've found out right about then. He didn’t even get a chance to ask what they were talking about before Husk continued.

The bartender let out a heavy sigh. “Listen, highness. It ain’t my business really, but it’s getting a little…” Angel spoke up. “Weird? Obvious? Embarrassing? Oh, definitely embarrassing. The second hand embarrassment I get watching you two is-” Husk glared, stopping Angel mid sentence. The cat demon went on. “I seen the way you look at him. And you might not notice, but he’s been looking at you a hell of a lot too.” He shrugged. “All I’m sayin is, everyone’s already expecting it now. Might as well give it a shot.” Lucifer was lost. Completely and utterly lost.

Angel piped up then, adding “Okay, but all I’m sayin is you betta hit that. You might be the only one that can!” Husk put a new drink down in front of Angel, briefly distracting him with the bright pink liquid. Lucifer can’t figure out how to speak all of a sudden, but manages “Ummm… I… I really honestly don’t know what exactly is happening here… Who exactly.. Uhh, what are we talking about again?” Was he drunk? No, he’s barely had a sip of his liquor. So why isn’t this making sense?

Husk speaks again. “Look, everyone in the hotel notices the tension. It’s getting painful. The two of you can’t even be in the same room without making the new residents uncomfortable. None of them understand what’s going on. They’re constantly waiting for some kind of blow up between the King of Hell and the Radio Demon.”

The… Alastor? What? The king must make a face of some kind, because Angel puts his fluffy head down on the counter with a thunk. The devil could barely hear the muffled voice say “Really has been a while for ya, huh?” Lucifer was past confusion. He mentally started back at the beginning of this interaction, hoping to understand this better the second time around. Well, he came down to the bar to ask Husk about Alastor and-

Oh.

Ooooooohhhhhhhhh.

Shit.

“Now he’s gettin it,” Husk mumbles to Angel. The spider peered at the king for a moment before downing his drink and turning his body fully to face Lucifer. He put his hands on the king’s shoulders as if afraid that the man was going to flee from the conversation. Angel’s large, mismatched eyes drilled into Lucifer as he said “Listen up, short king. I know it’s been a long time since you’ve been in the game, so I’m gonna help ya out. First things first, let's get it all out there. You’ve obviously got a thing for the strawberry pimp radio star.” Lucifer opened his mouth to speak but Angel's second pair of arms appeared just in time to put a finger up, stopping him. “Don’t try to argue, we’re past that point. You like him. And lucky you, Husky over here thinks Mr. Fancy talk radio voice himself has the hots for ya, so no need to worry about that!”

It’s a good thing Lucifer didn’t actually need to breathe. Because that was absolutely not on the table right now. Angel kept speaking, watching the king closely. “Now, here’s the hard part. You have to actually initiate something. I get it, sin of pride and all. But if one of ya doesn’t start this talk soon we’re all gonna lose our minds.” Husk sighed, leaning against the bar. Angel looked at the king for another long moment and finished with “We’re here to help ya. So now that that’s outta the way, why don’t ya start spillin’ it?”

Alastor didn’t host his radio show that evening. After his visit, he needed some time to think. Before leaving Cannibal Town, Rosie gave him a small stack of literature on various topics involving relationships. The promise to return the books to Rosie was the only thing keeping the demon from burning the things on sight. He did not need a relationship. He did not want a relationship. Alastor had never fallen in love, in life or in death. He had become close to others plenty of times, Rosie being an example. But of the many times someone had been interested in Alastor, it was never reciprocated.

The radio demon sighed. Now he was the one with the interest. He sat at the desk in his tower. Alastor’s shadow then motioned towards the pocket on the demon’s coat. Charlie had given today’s envelope and paper to him on his way back in, after his brief trip out. He’d placed it there and forgotten about it. It wants to read the letter…? Alastor eyed the entity suspiciously before quickly opening and disposing of the envelope. The paper inside read:

“Name three interesting things you’ve noticed about your person.”

Alastor,

I’ve noticed many interesting things about you. The first was your shadow. It really is an interesting being.

At this, the demon’s shadow practically purred. Alastor’s eyes went wide at the response before waving his hand to motion the thing away. He continued reading.

Another thing I’ve noticed that I find interesting is your coffee mug. It’s a silly pun, but still funny. And the third thing I find interesting is your radio show. It isn’t what I expected.

Ignoring the mention of his shadow (again), Alastor thought about the other two points. His smile widened a bit at the mug reference. It was the radio demon’s favorite piece of dishware, afterall! And then… Whoever’s writing to me has listened to my broadcast… At that moment, Alastor wondered for the first time if maybe, possibly, the resident writing to him was the same resident that he had been writing to.

But the thought didn't take root, as Alastor knew of multiple others in the building that listened to his show semi-regularly. And his simple, jazz-filled broadcasts always seemed to surprise, so it wasn’t exactly new information. He appreciated the sentiment though, reading the words over again in his mind. Alastor was never opposed to being complimented.

After a moment, the demon remembered the other half of the project. His letter to Lucifer. The letter from today’s envelope was smoothed out and placed in the stack with the others. Glancing over the new paper, he read the writing prompt. “Name one thing that you assumed about your person but have since realized that you were wrong about.” Alastor closed his eyes, replaying the events of the day. It’s not until shortly before he goes to sleep that he finally puts words on the page in front of him.

It’s Quiet Time. That’s what Niffty called the short span of time between the night owls and the early birds, where absolutely no one was around. Well, not no one… Nifty’s favorite part about Quiet Time was the visitor she sometimes got, an old friend. The little maid had known Shadow for as long as she’d known Alastor, and that was quite some time now. In the span of those many years, there were plenty of times when Alastor was asleep and Niffty was not. And during those hours, Shadow and Niffty spent their time together.

Shadow had not been coming to see Niffty much after the angel’s attack. Niffty knew what that meant, Alastor wasn’t sleeping. The being was odd, it had the ability to leave Alastor, going quite some distance before restrictions set in, and yet rarely left the demon’s side during waking hours. It’s something that Niffty would ask about, if Shadow could speak. But he can't, which sometimes leaves him limited. He can write if there's a pen around, but most of his thoughts can be made perfectly clear to Niffty without the need for words. They’d spent decades together, words weren’t necessary. But now, for the second night in a row, Shadow was here! Smiling and spending time with the quick little demon running up and down the halls.

Shadow stopped suddenly, frowning. It took a moment before Niffty realized her companion was no longer behind her, having stopped her scurrying at the end of the long hallway. But looking back, Shadow was motioning down another hall. Niffty ran back to the entity to see what she’d missed. But when she gets there, she sees nothing of note. She glances at the shadow on the wall and then hears it. Ever so faintly. Music. The little demon tiptoed carefully towards the sound, wondering who else in the hotel would be up and about at such an hour. And playing music? What instrument is that? It sounds familiar… When she finally reached the source of the sound, she and Shadow both peeked around the edge of the doorway, into the room that Lucifer and Alastor had recently cleared out. Is that…? She suddenly realized where she had heard the instrument before. That first time the king came to the hotel… He fought with Alastor and played this thing.

Realizing that the fallen angel was facing away from the door, the two watched a moment longer. The maid took note of the shiny, golden instrument Lucifer held as he played a sweet tune. Niffty and Shadow share a moment’s glance before silently backing away from the room, leaving Lucifer to play his music in peace.

#hazbin hotel #radioapple #hazbin fanfic #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel niffty #mine #Do you want to know

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