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#I'm doing everything the teachers are asking me to do
wangxianficfinder · 15 hours
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In the mood for...
May 26th
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1. hi i’m itmf a fic where lwj actually goes to visit wwx at lotus pier and gets his promised tour and shenanigans @nalalie
sweet chaos by eachandeverydimension (G, 86k, WangXian, Arranged Marriage, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Romance, Light Angst, Falling In Love, Different First Meeting, Qīnghéng-jūn’s A+ Parenting, Night Hunts, Chinese Language, Good Sibling LXC, Good Sibling JYL, POV LWJ, Getting Together, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Chinese Culture, Slow Burn, No Homophobia AU) Wangxian get betrothed at 14, LWJ spends his time in lotus pier to get to know his betrothed
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2. Hi, I'm in the mood for anything with either
a) wwx or jc not losing their golden cores but there still being a war, and like, some bamf wwx (doesn't need to have the tag, just the vibe yk?)
b) anything with the Lans warming up to wwx after they realize that he isn't actually awful (and some wwx following most of the rules perhaps?)
2A)
Lay my body down by tawaen (M, 48k, WWX & WQ, WWX & WN, wangxian, WWX & JYL, Canon Divergence, Time Travel, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Eventual WangXian, No Golden Core Transfer, Not Cultivation World Friendly, Canon-Typical Violence, Not JC Friendly, What if WWX saw the first siege of the burial mounds and said Nope to the war, OCs, OC point-of-view for one chapter for plot reasons) WWX leaves instead of giving up his core & avoids the war, but still has badass moments protecting the Wens iirc
Become Tomorrow by ShanaStoryteller (Not rated, 39k, wangxian, BSSR/LY, Alternate Universe, a story full of tragic pining gays, and one chaotic gremlin, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, WWX is BSSR’s disciple)
🔒 Bright Voice Roughly Rendered Softly Silent by Preludian_Staves (T, 26k, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, No Golden Core Transfer, Muteness, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Not JC Friendly, Confessions, Angst, Choking, Red String of Fate, Appearances by Paperman WWX, Inventor WWX, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Goes to Cloud Recesses, Feelings Realization, Caretaking, Supportive Lan Family, Genius WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Protective LWJ, Protective Lan Family, Character Death (not wwx or lwj)
Debts of a Child Part 2 by Hauntcats (M, 111k, WangXian, YZY Bashing, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Angst and Feels, lots of anger, JC Bashing, not Jiang friendly, Angst with a Happy Ending, Content warning for icky spiders in later chapters.)
🔒 Whatever you do by apathyinreverie (T, 8k, WangXian, LXC & LWJ, somewhat darker cultivation world, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, BAMF LXC, don't mess with the twin jades, not Jiang friendly, YZY Bashing, WWX is appreciated, genius WWX, everyone is a little darker in this, except for WWX, who is still sunshine personified, Fluff, Possessive LWJ, Gusu Lan would like to send Yunmeng a fruits basket, as thanks for their idiocy, Fix-It)
2B)
❤️ Joy In the Midst of These Things Series by Glitterbombshell (T/G, 53k, WangXian, Angst with Happy Ending, Post-Canon, Teacher WWX, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff)
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3. ITMF ask: I saw a bit of art and now I have a need. Give me your best/what you have/favorite modern cultivation aus. I want worlds like “The Truth Will Out” or “All Old Things Are New Again” or worlds nothing like them but feature cultivation society and modern society meshing together to let cultivators still cultivate, just in a modern setting. I want the good ones, the ones with interesting concepts or ones you think are tragically underrated. As long as it’s a good modern cultivators au!😌 @omgnectarina
transmuter by WithLoweredVoices (Not rated, 113k, wangxian, Modern with Magic, Magical Realism, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending) an incredible and underrated modern with magic (but not cultivation) that I think the requester may appreciate is transmuter which features truly epic world building.
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4. Hello<3 i just read everything from your jc/jiang bashing collection and i wonder if anybody has some new recommendations? I'm in the mood for bashing. Thank you!
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5. itmf some fics where wangxian are #relationshipgoals. Outsider POV is great but any is good. Just fics where's there stuff about how wx are like the it couple, and how other people see them and are like danggggg when they walk by haha. Bonus points for wx being the campus couple at uni :)
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6. itmf fics where wwx acts as a father/father figure to mxy in addition to a-yuan. Preferably modern au but canon timeline is fine too
a thousand fragile and unprovable things by theLoyalRoyalGuard (G, 5k, WangXian, Modern AU, Trans Male Character, Trans MXY, MXY Deserves Happiness, Best Dads Wangxian, Handwaving The Legal System With The Power of LWJ, A little bit of angst, mostly soft, Happy Ending, Gender Happiness, Let LWJ Wear Skirts Agenda, Additional Warnings In Author’s Note)
🔒 Song of Divination by LittleSummary (M, 28k, WangXian, LXC/NMJ, LSZ & LWJ, LWJ & MXY, LWJ & WQ, LWJ & WN, WWX & WQ, WWX & WN, JL & WWX, NHS & NMJ, NHS & WWX, WIP, Single Parent WWX, Modern with Magic, Demonic Cultivation, Amnesiac WWX, Curses, Past Abuse, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-Typical Behavior, Bad Parent YZY, Bad Parent JFM, Canon JC, No JC & WWX Reconciliation, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, LSZ is a Wei, MXY is a Wei)
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7. hii! do you have any fics featuring wwx in lan robes and/or with his own lan ribbon (because of marriage, not because he was adopted in the sect or anything)? i'd prefer fics focusing on the second option but both or just the first are fine too. tysm~~ @harapecowee
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8. Do you have any books where wx are from the previous gen, as in wx are the same age as jfm, yzy, wrh like that
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9. Hi, this is a itmf ask. Does anyone know fics where Lwj asks Wwx to choose him or something along the lines of that because wwx keeps putting the wens or the Jiangs before himself or Lwj. They argue over it. I’m hoping for fics that aren’t LWJ biased or Wwx biased, like making one person apologize for everything despite them being right. It could be modern or set in canon, all are welcome. Thank you!!
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10. Um hlw. I wanted to ask if you have ever read a fic where wwx didn't die and was soon made aware of lwj's punishment. wwx going mad about it? wwx nearly wiping out the lans? Wwx kidnapping lwj? @ladoremanna11
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11. ITMF any fics where WangXian are divorced/separated/not together but co-parenting Lan Sizhui. Any au is fine, but WangXian endgame please. @thehappyyellow
(Un)forgettable by Edens_Cat & VividestList (E, 67k, wangxian, LWJ & LSZ & WWX, WWX & WQ, modern, misunderstandings, angst w/ happy ending, kid fic, teacher WWX, single parent WWX, amnesia, protective WQ, protective LSZ, smut)
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12. This blog is a wonderful delight that's helped me find so many fics. Thank you for all your work! For the next "I'm in the mood for..." list, could I get any fics where WangXian (either separately or together) are immortals in the modern world? Thank you!
❤️ All Old Things are New Again by The Feels Whale (miscellea) (M, 52k, wangxian, modern, reincarnation, sugar daddy, kink negotiation, gentle dom LWJ)
🔒 Closer Than Eternity by Netrixie (T, 26k, WangXian, Modern AU, Reincarnation, an unhealthy addiction to starbucks, Immortals, Self-Doubt, POV Alternating, Minor Original Character(s), Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, Temporary Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending, not for jc fans, This is not a reconciliation fic)
so you’ve been robbed by a museum by yukla (M, 5k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, yearning tm, Mild Sexual Content, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, immortal cultivators in a modern world, JC is a good brother, WWX has a couple self-worth issues)
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13. Hi! ITMF fics where Lan Wangji can draw Suibian after the swords seals itself? Thank you!
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14. Itmf!!! I just read concord and loved the idea of gusu rules just breaking wei wuxian, is there any ffs where wwx isnt happy in gusu he feel restricted and he slowly becomes more and more depressed?
(thx for everything u guys do lots of love <333) @yesibest
a light hidden and singing by occultings (microcomets) (E, 48k, wangxian, arranged marriage, pining, getting together, slow burn, misunderstandings, miscommunication, blood & injury, happy ending, smut)
Mourning Robes by Starlight1395 (T, 17k, wangxian, No Sunshot Campaign, Arranged Marriage AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Depression, dissociating, Mild Blood, Fluff, juniors idolizing WWX like he deserves, slowburn between WWX and Cloud Recesses, Hinted smut, Jingyi has a CRUSH, Supportive JC, Mojo’s Post)
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15. Hi,
A) Could help me please. I wonder if there are works where LXC is not allowed to retreat into seclusion. Like he is required to deal with the past transgressions and work to fix. Same for LQR. Like 'made a mistake, learn and make it right'
B) Also I'd like to read more about pointing out JYLs dangerous negligence in everything, especially to her face.
Recently read one work where she had an ultimatum to form a core in 1 year and she couldn't and didn't want in the first place. Would like to read more.
Thank you!
🔒 The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 56k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, WIP, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Not Yunmeng Jiang Sect Friendly, Not Jiāng Family Friendly, Not YZY Friendly, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, JGS is his own warning, Wooing, LWJ is romantic af, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gusu Lan Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Protection Squad) I'm not quite sure if this is what 15B is looking for but in The Second Hand Unwinds, the Lans tell Jiang Yanli how her attitude hurts both Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng.
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16. Do you know any fic where LXC is sick/hurt/captured/broken and his brother help/save him and be protective of him? We see often the reverse but i would like to see a protective little brother.
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17. Hi! For the next itmf I was hoping anyone had something similar to pd-mdzs's au in which instead of there being a CRSA there's a Yunmeng study arc? Or just lwj going to Lotus Pier
a life without sun by thankgodforpandas (T, 30k, WangXian, JC & LXC, JC & WWX, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives, Mutual Pining)
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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***
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Even More DBD as Incorrect Quotes from a Random Generator
Charles: So like, how far do you think the distance is from that window to the ground? Edwin: Enough.
Crystal: I never said I was gonna get back together with them. But I was thinking, they're in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave them a call? Jenny: No. No, Crystal, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one: a super volcano. Number two: an asteroid hits the Earth. Number three: All the Evel Knievel movies are lost. Number four: Person F calls Person C. Number five: Niko gets eaten by a shark. Niko: I’m Niko, and I approve the order of that list.
Charles: Some people are like slinkies. Edwin: What? Charles: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs. Edwin: Edwin: Please don't push the Cat King down the stairs. Charles, pushing the Cat King down the stairs: Too late.
Crystal: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed. Edwin: But you do know better.
Edwin: Ew. What kind of tea is this? Charles: I boiled gatorade.
Niko: Are you mad? Jenny: No. Niko: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?
Charles: What the fuck is with english teachers and being like; "write a story about a deep and personal memory that impacted your life". Ma'am, if I do that you're going to send me to the counselor's office.
Crystal and Charles: Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?
Charles: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I’ll wait. Edwin: You and me. Charles: *tearing up* Ok.
Crystal: Hey, can I get a sip of that water? Esther: It’s not water. Crystal: Vodka! I like your sty- Esther: It’s vinegar. Crystal: …What? Esther: It's vinegar, PUSSY.
Charles: Underestimate me. That'll be fun.
Edwin: Welcome to Fucking Applebees, do you want apples or bees? Crystal: Bees? Edwin: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES! Crystal: Wait- *Charles approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*
Jenny: What’s something you guys are better than Edwin at? Crystal: Mario Kart. Charles: Yeah, video games. Niko: Emotional vulnerability.
Charles: So apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually "Severe psychological distress."
Charles: You're a lying piece of shit! Crystal: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Edwin: I'm leaving and I'm taking Niko with me! Jenny, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.
Charles: If you were to have sex with any insect scaled up to human size, what would it be? Jenny: What the hell is wrong with you?
Charles, about Edwin: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!
Esther: *writing a letter* Esther: Dear Santa, I'm writing to let you know I've been naughty... And it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard.
Charles: How do those little boys on XBOX parties always know what slur to call you? Crystal: They're empaths.
Charles: Mama. Just killed a man. Charles: Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead. Charles: MAMAAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Edwin: What?! Let me hide the body, where is it? Is there anyone around that can hear us? Edwin: ...Are those song lyrics? Charles: Those are song lyrics.
Crystal: What’s the straightest thing you’ve ever done? Edwin: *sighs* Edwin: I killed a man.
Edwin: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you.
Edwin: What's this? Charles, hugging Edwin: Affection! Edwin: Disgusting. Edwin: ...Do it again.
Edwin: If you've ever had a crush on me, god bless your poor, misguided heart.
Crystal: I'm gonna need a human skull but you can't ask why. Edwin: Only if you also don't ask why. Edwin: *pulls four pristine human skulls out of their bag* Crystal: ... Crystal, grabbing a skull: This one will do.
Niko: Source? Crystal: Divine intuition.
Crystal: Made you all playlists! Crystal: Jenny, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul. Crystal: Edwin, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression. Crystal: And Niko has the ABBA Gold album.
Charles, to Niko: You know, the Cat King can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching. Charles: *blows airhorn at the Cat King* GET FUCKED!
Niko: Croissants: dropped Charles: Road: works ahead Crystal: BBQ sauce: on my titties Monty: Shavacado: fre Jenny: Miss Keisha: fuckin dead Edwin: Edwin: ...I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.
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042502 · 10 hours
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☆༉ — CHRIS STURNIOLO. The Unwritten Rule.
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about. Everyone knows the rule, don't fall in love with your best friend's boyfriend.
author's note. This is the chapter 7, I hope it sounds interesting to you. My first language is not English. masterlis!
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I started to relax a little after working for a while. Because Anna doesn't care about assignments when it's something she wants to do, like the individual investigative report we were assigned as part of the grade. He gives everything of himself, even more.
In eighth grade, she did an awesome interactive project about Broadway. He wrote about actors and actresses who were good in their day, and used their stories in a report, almost a book due to its length, about what Broadway represents for those who were part of the works that made it important.
It was so good that our English teacher wanted to talk to Anna's mom to try to publish it, but Anna's mom is always busy, and at the end-of-term ceremony she had to leave early, even before Anna received her award.
"Here," she says, pushing aside the book she was holding. "Now I know exactly what the proposal will be for my project - Broadway's fight to keep the ever-growing members of the media on edge.”
"Wow," I say, and she smiles.
"I know! Great, right?"
"Too much.”
She stretches and leans toward Chris. "What are you doing?"
"I don't know yet," he confesses. "Maybe something about how artists practice in a society where funds are harder to find, and how there are no real stars in the field anymore. At least not the ones everyone hears.”
"Because there is no money in them, just like you said," he remarked. "It's easy to be famous for just being someone, and that's what usually pays. Or at least it gives you something." Now his eyes are on me. “What are you doing?”
I shrug and Anna nudges my leg with her foot, smiling. "You already know that," she frowned, confused. "shoes, of course. Your obsession, which is completely strange" there was silence until she spoke again which is great.
"I don't think it's strange" Chris didn't seem to share Anna's thought. "I've never been to as many Broadway shows as how many, fifty? But I'm not saying you're obsessed."
"That's different," Anna babbles, "Why are you so mean? Ada, aren't you being mean to me?"
I know what I'm supposed to say, “yes” and then Anna will say “thank you” pretending to be sad and then she'll flirt with Chris and throw herself at him and... Why does Anna have to make me feel so bad sometimes?
"Good, now you're both being mean to me" he crossed his arms, pouting his lips pretending to be sad. "He's sorry that Broadway isn't as good as what you call art, Chris." He stops looking at Chris and now turns to me. "I'm sorry I don't want to read about shoes or spend years making ones that no one will see because who looks at feet?" oh that was really hurtful.
"I need some air." Chris stands up abruptly, walking out of the room. After a few seconds he heard the patio door sliding.
"Oh shit," Anna curses.
My gaze falls to the ground. "Do you think it's weird that I like shoes? Really?" I dare to ask him, still keeping my gaze on the ground.
"No," she replied, she was looking at the door and then I see her shake her head. "Not really. It's different, but it works for you."
What are you trying to tell me?
"What do you think I should do about Chris?" I change the subject so quickly, of course after all the only thing that matters is her relationship with Chris and not how I may feel. "Boys have gotten upset with me before, but it's always been for things like I don't want to be with them or talking to another boy. I don't understand why he's upset. I haven't said anything bad about him or his art," she bites her bottom lip for a second. "Well, not really anything bad. Would you go talk to him? See how upset he is?”
"I don't want to get involved, Anna" I looked up at her, with a serious face.
"Get involved? Come on, Ada. You just have to know why he's upset with me. It's asking him a question, and you've done it before. Besides, he didn't go against you."
"He didn't go against you, either. He just came out to take a breather." Of course, it's all about you, isn't it? "And I think you should go out and..."
I stop when Anna gives me a cold look, she is upset.
"I didn't tell you everything that happened last night”
Whats?!
"I asked Mike if he wanted to go out with me. I wanted to show that I can kiss someone else and it wouldn't be like kissing Chris. But it didn't happen like that. I keep thinking about what he would do if he saw me, and it wouldn't be like she was with another guy. I can't even imagine it focusing or anything. I can only see him leaving me and…” he sighs. "I couldn't stand it, and I'm sorry I said what I said about you and your shoes. You're not mad at me, right?”
"Just hurt" I notice Anna's surprised look.
"I didn't mean to..." his voice trailed off. "When I say things like that, I don't mean for them to sound bad. You know that, right?”
I nod, because I know, and Anna smiles as she stands up. She nudges me with her knee to make me follow her.
"Let's go" is already happy again. "Talk to Chris, I'll prepare something to eat."
I stare at her, jealous, I get upset with myself for it and she bites her lip.
"I'm really sorry. I'm a horrible person. You shouldn't go out with me, and now you know why my parents never want to be around me."
Her voice breaks on the last few words, and I know exactly why Anna is the way she is, why she's so quick to say words that hurt more than she thinks. I know why she is so scared of being left behind. Why did it happen to you?
"Your parents suck. Too much," I spoke truthfully. "And I've wanted to be with you since we were in kindergarten."
"Oh really?" I nod my head in response. "Thank you" she whispered, hugging me and then she walks away and pushes me towards the patio door, we walk together towards the door without going through it.
"Look at him" we both looked at Chris. "Its not cute?"
He was standing outside, a few steps from Anna's yard, with his head down, his eyes closed. He looks tired and sad. It made me want to run up to him and hug him and tell him to let it all go.
"He's fine" I speak, Anna laughs and opens the door now pushing me through it gently. Pushing me towards Chris. He turns around as I do so.
He takes a step towards it and I can hear Anna humming as she closes the door. I wanted to go back and sit on the couch.
But really what I want is to be with him out here alone.
"Chris?" I said, hoping my body wouldn't shake like that just from saying his name.
"Hey" he said, turning to face me, the light that was supposed to shine on the back garden and exposed potential thieves or the weed or whatever was there just for him at this moment, just shining on him, and he's magnificent, and I kissed him.
I kissed him, and he kissed me, I should have talked touching his hair, I should have memorized the feeling of his mouth, there should be more than just thinking. "Yes, this is it, this is what I've been waiting for, this is how it had to be."
"Anna is very worried," I said, but the words came very quickly, as if by not getting them out of my mouth quickly enough I would stop thinking. I would stop loving. "She likes you a lot" and now my voice was cracking, but I wasn't sad, I'm not. I forced myself to smile, spreading my mouth wide. "She'll even make you something to eat."
She's never done that for another guy.
He looked at me, and I wondered if he could look inside my head, if he could see the words that I had no longer said out loud, and that I wouldn't dare say.
"Are you okay?" he asked me, still looking at me, I felt my smile slip, fade, and the silence that fell upon us was so full that I could hear nothing, neither the hiss of my heart beating in my chest, nor the sounds around us; insects, the wind, and the other distant rumbles in each other's lives in houses built close, but not too close because when you look out the window all we pretend to be seeing is the new.
But Chris is not mine.
"I'm fine," I replied. Looking over my shoulder, I caught a view of Anna moving around the kitchen, with fluid grace even when doing something as ordinary as making popcorn. She could get extra butter just because she knew I liked it, I knew that about her just like I know she had chickenpox when she was four, and she had a scar on her right ankle because of that, the only place she had been marked, her mother told her that she had been bad for doing that and it made her cry. "I'm fine" I said again, and this time when I looked at Chris I forced myself to look at him with Anna the first time, that first night at the party at the end of summer, and then the moments that came, after school, weeks of them together. Weeks, which I did because I had to see what was real.
"You should go in and talk to her" he pointed inside. "I'll give you five minutes of privacy and then I'll go in, grab my things and leave."
He looked at the ground. "Can I ask you something?"
Yeah. No Yes. I sang internally, I forced myself to shrug my shoulders, to say “sure.” Without words right now I couldn't do anything.
"Ada" He said coming closer, my fingers curled inside my sneakers, waiting. Waiting for whatever was to come. "I need to know something, you... Do you remember the party before school started? You were in the studio and I came in.”
I nodded, watching his torso work, his pale skin caught in the glow of the light falling on the darkness.
"I really wanted to keep talking to you" the words came out in a whisper. "And when I called your house the next day, I didn't call for Anna, Ada. I wanted to talk to you."
"With me?"
"Yes," his voice was rough, intense, and we were too close to touch, but we weren't, we weren't.
But I could feel everything around us, with every breath I took there was the promise of his skin touching mine, and I wanted that.
I wanted us to kiss again, I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted him.
I love him, and he is looking at me like he looked at me that night.
He is looking at me like he wants to kiss me.
"Chris" His name came out of my lips like a plea. I was afraid of this, of him, of me, especially of him and me. But not enough, not as it should. Then his head lowered toward mine and I rose to my feet, longing to find him and then...
And then Anna's mother yelled, "Who the hell parked their car in my garage?!"
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author's note. If you want to be part of the taglist leave a comment below and I will add you. Thanks for reading, remember to like, share with your friends and leave a nice comment ^^
taglist. @l34n @jetaimevous @jnkvivi @loveyoumatthewbernard @d1tzy-bl0nde @laxbabe131147 @slut4chriss @dontellaf1lms @surniolozzzprincess @sturnlova @inlovewithchriss @whicked-hazlatwhore @mattsgirlsblog @nsjsnshey @always-reading @y-s-a-p @h3arts4harry
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mybworlds · 2 days
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CHAPTER 11
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status: ongoing
pairing: joel miller x f!reader
summary: your life is full of 'must'. You live with your overprotective mother who controls every aspect of your life. You have a dream, to write romance novels, but love - real love - you haven't found yet. Your mother has even decided what you must do in your free time: play music. One day, however, when you go to your music teacher's house, you will have an unexpected encounter and from that day on things change…
Masterlist
rating: 18+ explicit (minors, DNI)
Before to start... Thank you for your support, for your likes and reblog, thank you, thank you, thank you ❤️If you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging and leaving comments 🫶 if you don't like it don't be rude and keep going. 😉 Please remember English is not my first language, so please be merciful! 🙏
Thanks @vase-of-lilies for the banner and thanks @saradika-graphics for the divider.
Taglist: @harriedandharassed
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The next day you wake up against the door of your room, you don't know what time it is or what day it is, you don't have your cell phone, you feel dazed, your eyes are swollen which you open with difficulty, you only see that it is daytime because the sunlight illuminates your room, you barely get up and go to the window.
People walk quietly down the street, there are small groups of kids walking here and there, a couple of couples holding hands, a father and daughter walking hand in hand. You rest your hands on the window feeling miserable and burdened, you place your forehead against the window and close your eyes, you think of Joel, who knows if he called, if he wrote to you!
You hope your mother didn't read or see his calls! Luckily you have the block on your phone.
“You don't want to fly away? Then fly away,” you think back to Joel's words.
You open your eyes again, walk to the door, and make to open it, but it's still closed.
“Mom? Mom open it.”
You hear her footsteps, and this time after a few seconds the door opens, your mother is wearing a red coat, her hair is combed back, she is lightly made up, and she is still peering at you coldly. She doesn't speak; she waits for you to do so.
“I don't deserve this,” you tell her, wanting to use a firm tone of voice, but your tone of voice is shaky.
“I don't know what to do with you anymore.” she says in a defeated tone of voice “I thought making you attend my prayer group, making you take music lessons would make you better than your father, and instead…” she leaves the sentence hanging.
When she wants to hurt you, she compares you to your father. You don't know exactly what he did, but it is certainly something very serious. Or so you have always guessed from her words and the tone she uses when she mentions about him.
“Excuse me if I'm not the daughter you wish,” you tell her.
Usually when she compare you to the other parent, you always told her what can I do to change your mind, she told you that you should study and try harder, be more obedient, and after a few weeks, serenity returned between the two of you because you got back in line, in her lines. Today, you don't want to say that statement anymore. It is not fair that everything you want is constantly repressed and belittled. It is not fair that she prevents you from seeing someone. You cannot allow that.
Your mother sighs, then shakes her head. “So who was the man Mrs. Bixby saw?” she asks again.
You don't want to get Joel in trouble, you can't.
“His name is Jack.” you answer her “I met him when I was waiting for you at the end of my music class, I had finished a few minutes earlier and went into a bar to have a glass of water.” you tell her.
“We're getting somewhere.” she says hearing you confess “How long have you been seeing him? Have you seen him again? What does he do?” she begins with her many questions.
“Since a couple of months, Jack studies psychology. We've always seen each other in public places like the library, restaurant, diner, never here or at his home. Nothing has ever happened, if that's what you care to know,” you say finding a firmer tone of voice.
If she knew what you do with Joel.
“I'd like to meet him,” she says.
“Mom it's a little early, we don't know each other yet to have him come here to the house,” you try to dissuade her.
“I insist!”
You lower your head, you don't have a choice. By now you have to do this or your mother would start again and forbid you any kind of outing.
“All right,” you reply not at all enthusiastically.
Instead, she seems to visibly calm down, “Fine,” she says.
“Where are you going?” you ask her.
“I go to church.” she replies and then she turns her back on you, “Ah, your damn cell phone has been ringing nonstop!” she exclaims.
You leave and make to go to the kitchen to get it back, but your mother once again stops you with her words “I saw there are messages from your friends and at least two from Joel Miller. None from Jack. It's kind of strange that he's not looking for you, isn't it?” she says making you freeze.
“We had a fight two nights ago,” you reply, shrugging your shoulders.
“Well, I'm going then.”
You nod, when you hear the door close you resume breathing normally and run to unlock your cell phone. You call Joel immediately. “Baby, finally!” he exclaims in an alarmed tone “I was scared for you. You okay?” he asks you.
“Joel, when are you coming?” you ask him not answering his question using an alarmed tone.
“I'm home. D' ya wanna me to pick you up?” he asks you in the same tone.
“No. Um, listen,” you check the door, “my mother suspects something. I can't make you come down here to me anymore, I'll come to you. I'll wait for her to go to the hospital tonight and then I'll sneak out. Okay?”
The door opens and you immediately close the phone pretending you are going to get some cookies for breakfast. Your mother is back, she forgot something she tells you and then goes out again. You breathe a huge sigh of relief, then go back to look at your phone and text Joel “Sorry I ended the call, I couldn't talk. I wish I didn't have to force you to go through this… “
Joel calls you back, you answer.
“You're going to tell me everythin' tonight. 7 o'clock 's okay for you?” he tells you.
If you could, you'd run straight to him.
“Yes. See you tonight,” you tell him, “Bye.”
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“Miller careful with that or you'll end up without something very dear to you!” exclaims his colleague, the only female presence on the site, the only friend Joel has and who knows all about you and who has eagerly seen your presence in his friend's life.
Her name is Tess, she pats Joel's shoulders to call him to attention, he looks up and she smiles at him.
“Hey.” Joel greets her thoughtfully, the man is splitting bricks, but the cuts are inaccurate.
Tess stays behind him, “What?” asks Joel.
“Those bricks need to be split four inches farther apart, and then the angle is wrong.” Joel snorts, “What's the matter, Miller?”
“Nothin'.” his tone does not convince Tess, who grabs a rickety chair and sits down. She says nothing, just observes Joel continuing that wrong slanted cut. Joel snorts, actually you are his fixed thought, at first he was attracted to you because of your sweetness and great insecurity towards the world, towards everything that was unknown to you and he couldn't help but think of your eyes and its endless expressions of astonishment, joy, fear, but also desire and love as you you know each other. When you met, he would have thought anything but to think so much about someone after what had happened to his daughter Sarah and then with his partner! Indeed, when his brother Tommy had asked him to tell his pupil that there would be no more meetings, he never thought he would meet a sweet, pure and fragile girl like you, never thought he would find himself captivated by you, never.
“If you want to talk, I'm here,” Tess says again, lighting a cigarette.
Joel gives her a sidelong glance, “There's not much to say.” Joel picks up the hammer breaking another block.
“Is it about her, isn't it?” she asks.
Joel nods pronouncing your name in a whisper with such delicacy and sweetness as if you were the most precious gem in the world to him.
“I would like to be strong for both of us,” Joel says, throwing the hammer just farther, “but the truth is that knowin' her in danger, in this state of duress, hurts me. What I want is to hold her in my arms and tell her that I will always keep her safe with me.”
Joel quickly realizes, however, that this is not possible. You might have been thrilled about it, but while he himself would have been very happy about it, he still has a lot of doubts about how right it is to bond you with someone like him.
“Did you tell her about Jess?” Tess asks him, taking a puff of her cigarette.
“Yes.” Joel replies immediately, moving away from there and toward the scaffold. Tess follows him in a half-step, “I told her in a nutshell that it didn't end in the best way between us.”
“Did you also tell her she's around and from time to time you see her?” she asks him, resting her forearms on the scaffold's balustrade. Joel gives her a long, penetrating look that counts as an answer, which is no.
Joel still cannot talk about her unfiltered because to do so would mean talking about Sarah, and Sarah is a chapter of his life that he does not want to share with anyone. Unless he has to.
“I know you were really bad first about Sarah and then about Jess, but maybe with her you could-”
“Tess, do you mind if we don't talk about those years of my life at all,” the tone of his voice does not allow for different replies.
“All right.” Tess says “I had felt that you cared particularly for her.”
Joel sighs heavily. He is trying to remember why he still addresses the woman. At that moment it escapes him.
“Yes.”
“If it was a sex thing, I wouldn't have told you to talk to her about who-you-know.” she adds “But from what I understand it's more than that.” the man looks at her with an enigmatic gaze and Tess's eyes go wide “You haven't yet-- oh my God, then this is a serious thing!” she exclaims with a half-smile “And who would have expected old Miller to fall in love again!” she exclaims again patting the man's shoulder who rolls his eyes shaking his head.
Joel looks toward the buildings still under construction, he doesn't like to talk about his feelings, he was never good at expressing them if the situation was clear. Let alone today with you who are so much younger than him, you are absolutely inexperienced and naive! Nonetheless, Joel can't do without you or think about you.
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Evening comes and Joel is in great apprehension about you: your voice, your tone were strongly cracked, your words had put him in a state of great agitation.
He has tidied up the house at the least, ordered Italian food, and he's waiting for you with great impatience.
When you knock on the door, he immediately runs to open it. Joel does not even have time to greet you, that you pounce on him, encircling his neck with your arms and burying your head in the crook of his neck. Joel wraps both arms around you and holds you tightly to him, closing his eyes.
“Baby.” he whispers in your ear then kissing one forehead “You're safe.” he tells you increasing his grip even more and then sinking a hand into your hair “My poor baby.” he repeats, you can't speak, you feel overwhelmed, you just stay in that position and inhale his strong scent.
You have, the two of you have, chills.
You can't separate yourself from that embrace, you don't know what to say to each other, but maybe that embrace is worth more than many words.
You eat in silence and only afterwards, when you are on the couch, you lying with your head on his thighs and him gently stroking your hair, you tell him what happened with your mother, you tell him that you are afraid to be there, that you would like to get out of there, to run away. You've always felt this state of oppression, but never as tightly as the night before.
“Please go away. You can come to me,” he tells you.
You look at him with a surprised look, you had thought about your friends, but certainly not him.
“Joel, I…”
“Think about it, but I don't want to know you're in danger. If something happened to you--” you raise your head and stand beside him "I could never forgive myself."
“Sssh,” you say as you sit on his lap, resting a finger on his lips, “I'm here now.”
He gently kisses your fingertip making your skin crawl, you smile at him and then pounce on his lips.
Spending the night in his bed gave you back an ounce of courage that your mother had previously deprived you of, breathing in his strong scent relaxes you, being hugged by him all night long makes you feel good and peaceful all of a sudden. In the morning you wake up like this still hugging each other: you have your back to him, he still holds you tightly to him, you open your eyes, your eyes still pinch a little from the loud crying of the night before, but you feel better already. You feel him moving just behind you, mumbling some unintelligible words, and you find yourself smiling and turning slowly toward him with your face and then your torso. You watch, thanks to the first light of dawn filtering through his bedroom window, his face still stretched out, his lips parted, his beard growing. You find him wonderful. You don't want to disturb him, but you can't help the urge to caress him. You gently stroke with your fingertip the contour of his face, his angular nose, the barely noticeable wrinkle between his eyebrows, his forehead, his beard, then his lips. Joel begins to wake up, smiling and muttering “Gmrning.” you find yourself smiling back before returning his greeting only to find your eyes in each other's. Those sweet chocolate eyes settle on you, he smiles at you and then holds you tightly to him again, you find yourself smiling at each other and exchanging sweet kisses, gently caressing each other.
“I would stay like this all day,” you confess to him, afraid to put your foot out the door of his house because you know that once you are out everything will go back to the way it was before and you will go back to being the one forced to act a certain way, to be a certain way. You don't want to, you don't want to. But you have to.
“I'm here for you. If that's what you wish…” he smiles at you, caressing your face this time with a finger "you will be granted." he says placing a finger on your lips, you gently press your lips against his fingertip without looking away from his eyes. You love to see how the expression in his eyes changes when you do something especially good for him, how his eyes seem to get bigger and darker. Which happens even now.
“Joel…” you say without finish your sentence.
He whispers your name, he pronounce it with desire.
You bridge that very short distance that separates you at once, your lips rest against each other, they open in unison, and your tongues dance at first softly then almost wildly, it is a kiss that takes your breath away.
You wish he would touch you, you wish he would do more-- but you feel it, Joel is like he is always holding back with you. Maybe it's you who has to help him.
You take his hand and bring it to your breast, you know you will drive him crazy. Indeed, his breathing becomes shorter and you find yourself smiling into the kiss. Glad to have provoked a reaction in him.
“Little girl…” he says to your lips, his tone of voice should be a sort of a warning or do you imagine that's what he means using that tone, but you deliberately ignore his tone and instead you look him in the eyes for a long time before saying, “Will you teach me to make you feel as good as you did with me?”
His eyes become if possible even darker, “No.” he answers you dryly “Not yet. You're not ready.” he adds, swallowing.
“You're afraid.” you say moving away from him, he turns supine “You're afraid to cross the line with me, aren't you?” you insist, he looks at you “Well, we've already crossed it. I touch myself because of you, if I have to say it!” you add feeling the heat on your cheeks "You make me feel so good, why can't I do it with you too?" he doesn't answer you, he looks at the ceiling.
You also turn in a supine position, you look away. You don't say anything, you don't know what to say. If he doesn't want to, you cannot make him.
“You don't trust me.” you say after what to you seems like hours of silence, you turn completely away “All right.” you add feeling a knot in your throat, you first feel him move to the other side of the bed then you feel a hand caressing your side and finally you feel a strand of hair move and a kiss behind your ear. You shiver, wanting to hold the point, but you already know you won't last much longer, not with him kissing that sensitive portion of your skin and then moving down to kiss along your neck.
More shivers run down your spine as his unshaven beard brushes against your neck, you turn toward him finding yourself lost in a kiss again. He almost pulls you toward him, you groan from surprise and also from the arousal that is spreading inside you and spreads even more as he towers over you completely. He breaks the kiss and you find your eyes meeting. His hot breath breaks against you and you find yourself closing your eyes.
Like other times, anything could happen out there, but if you are with him you really don't care.
He places a kiss on the tip of your nose and you smile. You smile again.
“D' you wanna try somethin' new?” he asks.
You open your eyes nodding.
He sits in the middle of the bed, you also make to sit, but he shakes his head saying, “Stay down and lemme do it. Honey, if you feel uncomfortable, if you have any pain, stop me right now, okay?”
“What is this about?” you ask him leaning on your forearms.
He looks at you, “I want to touch that your tight little hole with my fingers.”
You flush more at his dirty tone of voice than at what he said, “Haven't you already done that?” you ask him uncertainly.
“Not exactly.” you look at him questioningly “I've only touched a small part of you, I'd like to go deeper.” you swallow “If you don't wanna to-”
“No, no!” you quickly interrupt him “All right. What should I do?” you ask him.
He leans toward you caging you in his arms, he lays a quick kiss on your lips and then returns to sit in the middle of the bed, “Can I take 'em off?”
You nod as he lays his hands on the elastic of your shorts, looks you once more in the eyes as if seeking your consent once more, consent which comes immediately by just raising your pelvis allowing him to remove your shorts and briefs in one move, remaining completely naked from the waist down.
It's not the first time he touches you, but this time you are completely exposed to his sight and it sends more discharges of arousal all along your body especially noticing his equally lust-filled gaze.
He pounces on your lips almost sucking your lips and tongue together, you groan in surprise at that kiss so different from the others, “You are beautiful.” you tell him through your lips feeling him smile and looking into your eyes. He grazes your nose with the tip of his nose, “You are perfect, baby.” he comments leaving a trail of moist kisses along the line of your jaw and then down your neck. You drop your head back, blissfully surrendering to his lips and then to his hands gently resting on your breasts, moaning softly as you close your eyes.
“Are you aroused yet?” he asks you.
You nod, “Yes.”
“Lemme see.” he says and then caresses with his left hand your thigh, then your inner thigh and finally there, your intimacy, you squeeze your eyes shut, he hasn't touched you yet and you already feel those familiar tremors inside you.
“You're already soaked.” he says, you open your eyes and look at him questioningly, “Is that wrong?” you ask him puzzled.
“Absolutely not.” he replies running a finger along your intimacy causing you to hold your breath “It means you're already ready.” he explains repeating the same motion back and forth, you find yourself biting your lower lip and clenching your toes feeling an ever-increasing heat spreading to your lower abdomen.
“R - ready for what?” you ask tremblingly, but curious.
“For me.” he answers you with lust-filled eyes as he continues that precise, slow movement “Relax, don't be afraid.” he tells you noticing your tense expression.
“I am not afraid.” you reply looking into his eyes, and it's true you know that whatever he will do, it won't hurt you. You know that you are safe with him and that you would do anything with him.
“Now I'm going to insert my finger inside your cunt,” you swallow “I'm going to do it very slowly, if you have pain or feel uncomfortable, tell me and I'll stop.” he says scrutinizing your face carefully, his gaze tense, focused, full of desire. You nod barely trembling with desire.
Slowly he slides inside you first just the calloused fingertip as you almost jerk to feel part of his finger inside your taut and tender flesh, you tremble with desire, a boiling desire that reverberates in every cell of your body; he stays like this for a while then slides the phalanx inside you, you drop your head on the pillow feeling you are in a world out of the ordinary, you find yourself spreading your lips wide as if searching for oxygen, moaning softly.
“Jus' a lil more.” he warns you before inserting the phalanx inside you. You clench the blankets in the fist of your hands and moan softly, “You're so excited, my baby.” you feel him kiss you on the lips, but you can't kiss him back, you're seeing stars behind your eyelids, it's indescribable.
Then, he sinks inside you again and you open your eyes suddenly, you look down and seeing his finger fully sinked inside you is an even more arousing sensation, feeling his long, thick finger reach such intimate parts of you makes you wet even more “How's it goin'?” he asks you.
Your vision is almost blurred, you are at a loss for words, you just nod. He leans over to you and kisses you gently on the lips, slowly lets his finger out inside you and this hollow feeling makes you moan into his mouth, then slowly slips his finger back into you making you moan again. He repeats this movement with a slow rhythm that makes the desire inside you grow faster and faster. You moan surrendering to the pleasure he is giving you with that relentless rhythm of his, lips parted and completely exposed to him. Then, with a confident movement, Joel also touches your throbbing center sending you more discharges of pure lust, you no longer know what to focus on, whether on his finger touching hitherto unexplored areas of you or on the palm of his hand caressing your clit. Hearing you moan against him makes him instinctively close his eyes and breathe deeply, he feels the contractions of your next climax squeeze his finger and the lust spreads strong inside him, he would have liked to make you cum in his mouth or around his cock, but he still has to restrain himself.
Your climax explodes violently causing you to gasp and clench the blankets even more tightly in your fist. The room suddenly becomes silent. There is only your shortness of breath.
“How d' ya feel?” he asks after a couple of minutes of silence, giving you a cloud-light kiss on your neck as the waves of climax slowly leave you.
“Fine.” you reply, still nodding with your eyes closed.
He slowly kisses your forehead, then your cheek and finally your lips. You open your eyes and exchange a sweet smile.
“Would you like some breakfast?” you ask him after a while.
“Pancakes?” he offers.
You smile, “That'd be perfect.”
You slip back into your briefs and shorts and go downstairs to make breakfast. You found out one more thing about him: Joel is a disaster in the kitchen, first he forgot to add milk to the mixture, then he dropped an egg on the floor in short you did nothing but laugh during this rocambolic breakfast preparation. You manage after almost an hour to sit at his kitchen worktop eating your pancakes, you add some honey, raspberries and blueberries. You eat in silence, only exchanging long glances, then after you bite into the last piece, you tell him, “I've been thinking about the title of my story.”
He nods chewing, “And that is?”
“Bittersweet.” you reply, smiling at him.
You see him swallow, “What's it about?” he asks you.
“It's the story of a young woman and her music teacher, a man who is apparently an asshole, actually very sweet and who will help his student to become more and more confident,” you tell him in outline, turning to face him.
He smiles conspiratorially, “That reminds me of somethin'.”
“Huh, yeah!” you exclaim, returning that look and his smile.
“D' you wanna start writing now?” he asks you.
“Do you mind?” you ask him.
He turns to you, then gently taking your chin between his fingers he says, “If you ask me with these sweet eyes, I can't say no.” you lower your gaze for a moment, “Well, I'll take the opportunity to take a shower and then put up a couple of shelves in the living room. You set up wherever you like, here, in the study above, in the bedroom, wherever you like.”
What did you do to deserve such a man?
“Do you mind if I sit on the couch in the living room?” you ask him, this is his house and it seems more than fair to ask his permission before moving anywhere you want.
He leans toward you giving you a sweet kiss on the lips, “Wherever you want.” you smile, then lays his forehead against yours and takes his leave. He sees you turn on the computer, cross your legs and lay the laptop on your lap. He sees you open the program to write, Joel has never understood much about computers and stuff like that, he has always been an analog guy, always loved manual work.
Joel goes into his bedroom and lies down on the bed, feeling alive. He is feeling good for the first time in a long time, living the little moments of everyday life with you makes him feel good, alive and special. He didn't believe that someone like him after all he has experienced could again hold someone in his arms who makes him feel welcomed, loved, who tries to make him feel good, it is a wonderful feeling.
He breath deeply, the scent of you is still strong in his room. Joel was about to give in earlier when you had asked him to pleasure him, was about to say okay, but that wouldn't have been right. Joel becomes more and more aware that yours is not just a physical attraction, yes of course there is that too. Yet when you are apart he cannot help but think of your scent, your eyes, your smile, your sweetness, your need to be welcomed, cuddled, loved.
He feels his cock throbbing at the thought of your narrowed eyes and wide-open mouth, as he was pleasuring you with his fingers for the first time, the memory of you so tight and wet causes him another jolt. He undresses completely and goes to the shower, he opens the water jet and finds himself thinking that he would love to have you here with him, he imagines what he would do if you were there together. He'd press you against the shower wall and you'd look at him with those wide eyes of yours in surprise, he'd kiss your neck and you'd close your eyes, he'd press himself against you and kiss every inch of your body, he'd feel you tense up and beg for more. How he would love to have and give more! He wraps his taut erection in his fist, the roar of the water covers his moans, his heavy breathing, the image of you clinging to him, your arms encircling his neck, he imagines you giving him pleasure. He grits his teeth to disguise the long moan that comes out of his mouth as streams of his hot seed fall partly into his fist and partly against the shower wall.
“Fuck…” he says, resting his forehead against the shower wall.
He washes himself thoroughly, then gets out of the shower. He dries off, puts on old jeans and a black T-shirt he usually uses to do chores around the house, and comes downstairs. He sees you drinking a glass of water in the kitchen, he reaches you out and he wraps his arms around you, and you smile sweetly at him, “How's the writing of your masterpiece goin'?” he asks.
“Don't tease me now,” you reply to him, setting the glass down in the sink.
“I'm not teasing you.” he says giving you a kiss under your ear “If 's something of yours, it's certainly unique. Beautiful. To me, a masterpiece.” you turn to him finding eyes in each other's eyes, he places a kiss on the tip of your nose, you chuckle "I hope everyone gets it, that you can work up the courage to sign up for some classes and they'll notice you, that they can read you sooner or later." he confides.
“Then I wouldn't be here with you anymore,” you say in a huff that makes the two of you feel sick.
Joel lays his hands on your forearms, he strokes you gently, then slides his hands behind your back, “I don't wanna you to be confined here. In this small town. You deserve places like Seattle, Los Angeles, New York, or even Europe. You deserve the world. I wish you could see all the wonders there are,” he tells you.
“You are all the wonder I want in my life,” you tell him.
“Oh, baby.” he says holding you in his arms and placing kisses on your cheek and forehead “You're so sweet, so…” he dips his nose into your hair and you close your eyes, you don't care what he wanted to add, the important thing is what you told him. At the moment you like to write, but you don't want to get away from him, you couldn't stand a world where he is not there. For you it would be intolerable.
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venturelovebot · 5 hours
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A/N: This sincerely took me damn long enough. There's really no excuse other than my brain was being really stubborn this month, so I'm sorry about that. Link to request is here!
Premise: You're the new kid at school with horrific anxiety and no friends. Angela Ziegler has a plan for that. Anxious!Alt!Reader x Nerdy!Kidcore!Venture hehehe featuring a tiny bit of SunShrine
Warnings: None! Pure cavity inducing fluff!
EDIT: EVERYTHING IS FIXED NOW PLEASE DISREGARD ALL PREVIOUS READS 😭
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"Oh! I'm so glad you decided to show up, Sloan!" Angela beams, taking a seat at the library table.
"No problem Miss Ziegler! What did you want to talk to me about?" They ask, sitting down in the opposite chair.
Angela folds her hands underneath her chin and looks them directly in the eyes. "You already agreed to tutor [Y/N] for me, but I wanted to inform you that it's no longer necessary." She begins explaining.
"Oh– did something happen?" They add, taken aback by the sudden decision.
"Not exactly. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that [Y/N] does all of their classes alone." Angela takes a moment to decide how she wants to word the next part of the explanation. "Never mind that. I think it would do them a world of good to have someone they could call a friend."
"... a friend?" The confusion on their face grows.
She nods. "That's where you come in."
Sloan fidgets in their seat nervously. "Uh, well..."
The first thing that comes to their mind were all the rumors about you, that you were one of the weird ones: you hated everyone and everything, your parents were trained CIA spies and your presence was just a plant to keep everyone distracted, that you poisoned someone at your previous school and that's why you had to transfer here.
A look of horror appears on their face. Tutoring was one thing, but being your friend? What were they, a lab rat? What happens when they inevitably end up as poisoning victim number two? Surely Angela was out of her mind.
They can hear the main doors opening and closing in the distance.
"Miss Ziegl–" Your voice shyly calls out before noticing someone sitting with your teacher.
Your body freezes in fear.
"[Y/N]! You're just in time!" Angela stands up from her seat and offers it to you.
You say nothing, now moving stiffly towards where she was sitting before replacing her presence in the chair. You gaze down at the table with emotionless eyes. Angela's arms gently squeeze your shoulders in a desperate attempt to comfort you before the main doors open once again.
"Ah, Miss Ziegler. It's good to see you here." Your biology teacher walks up to the three of you before placing a hand on the small of Angela's back.
"Please– just call me Angela at this point." She giggles lightly before turning away from the two of you. "You kids have fun now!"
What a weird sequence of events that just happened.
"Wait... Miss Ziegler and Miss O'Deorain are dating?" They sincerely couldn't decide what was weirder at this point: Angela forcing them to be your friend, or the fact that Moira was able to pull anybody– let alone somebody like Angela.
Sloan's eyes turn back to you. This was the first time they had seen you up close before– the intricate make up, the dark clothing and the beautiful jewelry– it was certainly what they expected. However, there was an intimidating air about you when viewed from afar that was lacking up close. Instead of scary, you just seemed frightened. Lonely, even. Is that how you lured in your victims? A nervous grin appears across their face.
"Um. Hi!" They speak up in the cheeriest voice they can muster.
You glance up at them and your eyes don't know where to look first: the colorful chunky hair clips with fruit patterns, the rainbow glasses chain, the dinosaur themed tape holding said glasses together, the rainbow rubber bands present on their equally as rainbow braces... you could go on and on. The truth is that you enjoyed the look, though. It was the type of uniqueness that you enjoyed.
"... hi." Your voice is soft and you can't bring yourself to raise it.
An awkward silence passes between the two of you before they remember it was lunch time.
"So–" They set their dinosaur shaped ita bag on top of the table, grabbing a juice pack from inside. "Um... lunch, huh?"
They stab the straw into the box before taking a sip.
"I didn't bring mine."
They stop sipping.
"Oh. You just forgot it...?" They wonder.
"I just don't like eating lunch." You lie– it wasn't the food you minded, it was eating in front of others that bothered you.
They don't reply. Normally they would just get up and leave in a situation like this since you clearly weren't interested, but Angela roped them into this without much of a choice. What else were they supposed to talk about with such an asocial human being? Especially one who was rumored to the absolute worst to deal with. This entire situation felt so embarrassingly hopeless, but at least it would make for a funny story to tell Kiriko and Illari.
"Hm. So..." Sloan mumbles, mostly to themself. There really wasn't much to talk about with you it seemed.
You place your coffin shaped backpack on the table and pull out a cutesy coloring book with your coloring pencils. You were entirely done with this attempt at a conversation.
That's when they glance down at what you were coloring– Kuromi.
"Oh! You like Sanrio, too?" Their face lit up.
You guess that was to be expected based on their extra colorful exterior– but it was also the first time you met someone who also seemed to enjoy Sanrio despite being out of its intended age range.
"The characters are pretty cute." You continue to color on your own.
Wow. A full sentence from you! They really couldn't believe it at first.
"Can I help?" They ask, grabbing a colored pencil without asking.
They seem so happy... it was definitely impossible to say no to something like that.
"Sure." You move your coloring book up to let them color the top half of the drawing.
You both work carefully to ensure you stayed inside the lines to make the coloring look nice. Their job was to color Kuromi's signature hat in her iconic colors. They decide to tackle the larger parts with the black coloring pencil first. You were taking care of the background she was standing in: a Halloween candy wonderland. You alternated between orange and purple for the wrappers in order to fit the theme.
But before you knew it the lunch bell begins to ring again, signaling the end of your lunch break.
"Aww... that sucks. We were almost finished it, too." Sloan pouts.
"There's always tomorrow." You note.
They place the color pencils back into their tin and watched as you carefully pack up all your things. Everything you did seemed so graceful and thoughtful– hardly someone worthy of the rumors of being a serial killer. Or a government spy. Or an animal hater. Where did those comments even come from, anyway? You really didn't seem like you deserved them.
"Oh! I almost forgot. My name is–"
"Sloan." You state. "Miss Ziegler told me."
They shut their mouth again.
"I'll see you tomorrow." You try to gather the courage to sound excited, but in the end it's squelched by anxiety, just like everything else in your life was.
You turn and head towards your next empty class.
"I didn't think I'd ever hear that child talk to someone that wasn't Angela." The school librarian speaks up.
"Mrs. Amari? You were here the whole time?" They ask.
She chuckles to herself. "Where else would I be? Well... the beach sounds nice." They joke. "Now get to class."
"Yes m'am..."
As soon as they exit the library they watch as you make your way down the empty hallway mirrored to everyone else. They could really only hope that things would continue to go as smoothly as they did today.
... but why does their heart feel like it's racing?
Sloan sits down at the table that the two of you shared yesterday. Angela greets them again with the same warm smile she greeted everyone with.
"So, how did it go?" Angela inquires.
"I think it went okay." They reply.
"[Y/N] told me that you found something in common. That's great! Try to get them to come out of their shell a little bit more. Don't be afraid to ask questions, they don't bite." She smiles.
If it wasn't for the conversation you two had yesterday then they certainly would've thought otherwise.
"Speak of the devil. Someone used the side door today!" Angela speaks up and draws attention to you.
Sloan turns around in their seat.
"Sorry." You apologize, once more exchanging seats with your teacher.
"No need to apologize, [Y/N]. You've done nothing wrong." Angela assures you.
"Ah... sorry." You apologize for apologizing.
"Oh, never mind. We'll work on it." Angela reassures you. "You two be good to each other while I'm gone!"
You both watch as she leaves to join your biology teacher waiting in the hallway.
"I'll still never get over the fact that she's dating Miss O'Deorain." They finally speak up.
"Love often finds itself in peculiar places." You reply.
They didn't expect such a poetic response to a nonchalant observation. You casually place your bag on the table and pull out the same coloring book and color pencils as yesterday, as if what you said was no big deal.
"Oh! That reminds me..." Sloan reaches into their dinosaur ita bag and pulls out a candy bar and juice box. "I know you said you didn't like lunch... but I didn't want you to go without eating, either."
They offer it to you and for a moment you don't know what to do with yourself. No one in your entire life had done something so kind for you before. You reach out to take the treats, and by accident the warmth of your fingers brush up against the palm of their hand and you delicately blush from the interaction.
Little did you know it also caused their heart to skip a beat– but why? Why did they feel so nervous all of sudden?
"Thank you." You finally take the gifts and graciously peel open the wrapper to bite down into sugary goodness.
"You're welcome!" A grin lights up their face.
The two of you eat in silence, but this time it wasn't awkward. The quietness was actually a nice change of scenery compared to a crowded lunch hall. They couldn't help but miss seeing their other friends though– but how would you react to seeing two new people you'd never met before?
"Miss Ziegler said I should ask you more questions." They state, placing their empty juice box to the side.
You raise an eyebrow.
"... I can't really think of any." They add– that was a lie, but they're not ready to ask you to hang out with other people just yet.
"My favorite color is [favorite color]. I also like [favorite animal]. My favorite ice cream flavor is [favorite ice cream flavor]. I think that covers everything." You answer.
"... not quite." Sloan grabs the black and pink color pencils and continues working on Kuromi's hat.
"What else could there be?" You wonder.
They don't look up from coloring. "Well... why do you take all your classes by yourself? If it's okay to ask."
"Oh– because of anxiety. It didn't use to be so bad until I transferred here." You explain. "The first day I came here people started gossiping about me. Apparently I'm a serial killer."
Guilt strikes their heart like a lightning bolt. "That's horrible..."
"Well, it's okay. I got used to it pretty fast at least." You tried to sound optimistic while brushing aside your bad memories.
"No! It's not fair. You sound like a really nice person..." They admit.
"I do...?" You're curious about that claim. "How so...?"
"Well, you haven't given me a reason to dislike you so far!" They point out.
You think over their words for a moment. "Hm. There's still plenty of time." You point out.
"I don't think so. I like spending time with you." A soft pink blush lights up their face. "I mean– as your friend!"
You can't help but giggle at the sentiment. "I like spending time with you, too."
"Oh, brother. Get a room." An unknown voice teased from behind a bookshelf.
A cute, punkish girl with a beanie steps into view.
"Kiriko?" Sloan watches as she sits down beside you.
"Illari is here, too. We missed your yapping." She says, and a sigh comes out from behind the same bookshelf that she hid behind.
"Good going, loud mouth. I'm never bringing you to another stake out." She takes the empty seat next to Sloan.
Without hesitation you mentally hide inside yourself and cast your gaze downwards. It was just like the day they first met you, the little light twinkling inside your mind had been shut away once again. They think about reaching out to touch your hand and comfort you, but they decide against it. The last thing they want to do is make you feel worse.
"I don't think you guys are supposed to be here." Sloan says.
"Why not? We just thought we'd stop by and say hey." Kiriko glances over at you. "You're [Y/N], right? What's Sloan tutoring you in?"
You couldn't say anything even if you wanted to.
"I'm actually not tutoring them." They speak up for you instead.
"Oh. So you just decided to abandon us then?" Kiriko jokes.
"No! That's not it..." They sigh out of frustration.
They start to explain the whole situation from the beginning. Meanwhile, your hands are shaking from the stress you're being forced into dealing with.
"[Y/N]? Are you okay?" They add.
Words claw at the inside of your throat and you swallow them. A thousand butterflies blossom in your stomach before you grab your bag and rush out the main door and down the empty hallway, your footsteps echoing against the walls. All that remained was a coloring book and color pencils– seemingly the only proof that you existed at all to anyone else.
Kiriko was the first to speak up. "Oh. My bad..."
"Well, what do we do now?" Illari asks. "Just wait for Miss Ziegler to show back up?"
"I don't think we have a choice." Kiriko adds.
You open the door to the art room without looking at your teachers.
"[Y/N]! Good to see you again!" Niran calls out from his desk.
"Hello Mr. Pruksamanee and Miss Vaswani." You reply back, and take your usual seat in the back of the classroom.
The peace settles on you for a moment. Then, you lay your bag on the table and reach for your coloring book within. Your hand glazes over the empty fabric inside before you realized you had left it behind, and you breathe a heavy sigh of frustration.
"What's wrong, [Y/N]?" Niran sits down in the chair opposite of you.
"I left some things behind at the library. I'll just have to get them later." You respond.
"Oh! I hate it when that happens, but at least you know where you left everything!" He chimes.
"Unlike Niran." Satya teases.
He laughs. A smile draws itself on your face.
"Say– you're still working on your clay scarab for your friend, right? Why not do that in the meantime?" He suggests.
You look towards the back of the classroom at the bone white statue. It still needed to be painted, and you bought a special coat for it that would make it iridescent just like a real scarab.
"I guess that's not a bad idea." You answer, getting up from your seat once more.
You grab your hand sized friend alongside your special paints and a palette to put them on. Niran is kind enough to grab you some new brushes from the closet so you didn't have to reuse the old ones with paint chips littered through out the bristles.
"Satya, your favorite animal is the dragonfly, right?" Niran asks.
"I'm surprised you still remember!" She replies.
"I just find it lovely that there's someone else who finds beauty in insects." He adds.
You begin brushing your figurine in a layer of black paint. This would serve as the base layer for the reflective coat once it dries.
"Say, what's your favorite animal, [Y/N]?" Niran asks.
"[Favorite animal]." You speak up without hesitation.
"Wow! Didn't take long to decide on that. What all do you like about them?" He prods you further.
"I think they're cute!" You answer honestly.
"That much is true!" He agrees.
You finish up the first layer of black paint on the scarab before setting it down on discarded newspaper nearby to let it dry.
"Do you have any other classes today, [Y/N]?" Satya asks.
You dispense a little bit of iridescent overcoat onto your palette. "No. Why?"
Satya looks up at you from her desk. "Why not finish up painting so you can give it to your friend after school?"
You think over her words for a moment before a smile widens on your face. Thinking about their reaction fills you with butterflies again– but this time, they're excited. You can feel the jitters crawl up into your fingers as you pick up the paintbrush for a second time.
"Do you think they'll like it?" You wonder.
"Of course! Why wouldn't they? Anything made by a friend is special regardless of what it is." Satya assures you.
"Okay. I hope you're right." You reply.
She begins writing a note for Sloan in her beautiful handwriting. "I'd bet my job on it."
"I'd bet Satya herself on it." Niran beams.
You apply the finishing touches to your clay scarab before observing it under the lighting. The back of it becomes a glimmering gradient of green to purple, while everything else was painted opaque black to help the gradient stand out even more. The pride of seeing your finished piece swelled in your chest.
"It's wonderful! You did such a good job, [Y/N]!" Niran encourages you with a smile.
"Thank you, Mr. Pruksamanee." You reply.
The final school bell rings and the empty hallway fills with shouting. From the window you can see waves of people coming and going for minutes on end before the noise begins to dwindle.
"Here." Niran fetches a small piece of yellow ribbon from the closet and ties it around your scarabs neck– or its equivalent of one.
"It's perfect. Thank you again, Mr. Pruksamanee."
You hold your bug friend in your hands and look over it one more time.
"Niran, may I speak to you in the back room?" Satya gestures for them to leave before Sloan arrives.
"Very well." Niran places a hand on your shoulder. "I'm sure everything will turn out just fine, [Y/N]." He gives it a comforting squeeze before walking off to join Satya in the storage room.
Now it's just you, your scarab, the oncoming silence–
"[Y/N]?" Sloan's voice squeaks from nervousness.
– and the little rainbow nerd standing right outside the door.
You perk up at the sound of their voice.
"[Y/N]! You're okay!" They run up to hug you without a second thought.
You feel a pink blush light up your face as they enclose their arms around you. The connection between the two of you is electrifying, you can almost feel your hair standing on end. Their scent lingers in a delicate cloud– fruity goodness, almost like cereal milk– and you close your eyes to welcome in the affection.
For the first time in a long time you feel yourself wrap your arms around someone who wasn't in your direct lineage. You cannot sincerely remember the last time this had happened. Time briefly pauses for a moment more before they pull away, and you feel yourself already missing their embrace.
"Hugging the serial killer? Oh shit!" Some kids laugh out in the hallway. "They're next for sure!"
... but the words didn't sting as much as they usually did.
"I'm so sorry about what happened earlier. I explained everything to them the best I could– they feel really bad. They didn't know any better." Sloan explains.
You look at them with a smile. "It's okay, I believe you. I'm sorry I ran off like a scaredy cat."
"You don't have to apologize! You've didn't do anything wrong!" They assure you.
Angela's words from earlier echo inside your head. "No need to apologize, [Y/N]. You've done nothing wrong."
"– I almost forgot! You left these in the library." They add, handing your coloring book and color pencils back to you.
"Thank you." You graciously take them back before slipping them both inside your backpack.
"Oh!" They finally notice the hand sized scarab figure on the table. "That's so cute!"
Your blush turns from peach to ruby.
"It's for you." You watch as they pick up their gift and hold it delicately in the palm of their hand. "Do you... like it?" You ask.
They're quiet for a moment as they study your work with a grin on their face.
"Like it?! Please, this is literally perfect! I love it!" They feel tears start to form in the edges of their vision. "But how did you know? I never told you I loved scarabs."
"Mr. Pruksamanee and Miss Vaswani told me. I don't know. I guess I thought about making one for you after that." You clarify.
"You talk about me?" They question.
"Yes– no– not in a bad way!" You start getting nervous.
Sloan only grins, showing off the neon colors adorning their teeth. "You think about me?"
You clasp your hands to your face as shyness overtakes your entire being.
"Yes! No– I mean yes! But, like I said– not in a bad way! Gaah!" You cry out in frustration as you feel a familiar set of arms wrap around you once again.
"You're too sweet!" They comfortingly rub your back as your heart explodes inside of your chest.
Tears begin to stream out from your eyes as they console you to the best of their ability. "I know I've only known you for a couple days, but–" your voice hitches between sobs. "I think you're cool! And nice! And fun to be around!" You admit.
"Aaaawwww!" Sloan squeezes you tighter. "[Y/N]! You're so cute!"
"N-no I'm not!" You play down your compliment in a desperate attempt to save yourself even more embarrassment.
"Yes you are! You're adorable!"
Congratulations! You've officially made it worse– and yet, the kindness rattles around in your brain relentlessly, sending off all sorts of happiness receptors inside that were collecting cobwebs all this time.
"Cute! Adorable! Kawaii! Sweet! Baby! Angel!" They swing your body playfully as your face burns with the power of a thousand white hot suns. "Precious! Little! Sunshine!"
"Now, now– no throttling other students Mx. Cameron!" You hear Niran finally speak up, teasing the two of you for your blatant and shameless PDA.
"I'm not throttling them! I promise!" They let go after being called out.
"Oh my! Spending a little too much time in the sun, are we, [Y/N]?" He adds.
"Niran, please." Satya chides. "Let poor [Y/N] take some breaths. I'm sure they're overwhelmed."
"My apologies. Take all the time you need."
Everyone gives you a little bit of time to regather your thoughts. The minute hand on the clock ticks by slowly, and before anyone knew it, thirty minutes had already flown by. You can hear Sloan's eight bit style text tone going off from their pocket.
"Ah– I guess I gotta go. Thank you again for the scarab [Y/N]–"
"Wait!" You cut them off. "W– would you wanna come over tonight? And maybe watch a movie? Or something?"
The blood rang in your ears as your heart pounded one thousand beats per minute.
The same sparkling grin paints their face from ear to ear. "Would I?!"
You could hardly believe what was happening to you.
"A friend! You finally made a friend!" Your mother cheers, heating up the hot cocoa over the stove.
"Mom! Please!" You beg her to stop being so dramatic before Sloan loses all interest in staying over.
"Nice to meet you, Mrs. [last name]!" Sloan looks around your house in awe.
Everything appeared entirely normal– perhaps a little dated, but that's to be expected. No government surveillance equipment. No dead bodies. No headless cats. Just ordinary in every sense of the word.
"Please, just call me [mom's name]!" Your mother replies. "Or maybe even mom at this point!"
Sloan giggles. "You got it, mom!"
You roll your eyes in despair.
"The hot cocoa will be ready in a few minutes. You kids have fun!" Your mother watches as you walk steadfast into your room.
"Awesome! Thanks again, [mom's name]!"
"Please don't encourage her." You beg.
You watch as they flop down on to your bed and snuggle up into your pillows. The stark difference between your darkly decorated bedroom and their rainbow appearance was almost comedic.
"So, what are we watching?" They ask.
"I– I don't know... I didn't think I'd get this far..." You admit.
You pick up the remote and start scrolling through all the options before you find a relatively good looking movie to put on– a horror film about demon zombies.
"Demons and zombies? At the same time? Wow!" They joke.
"Everything has already been done before. What else is there to make and sell?" You reply.
They lay on their side facing the television. "I guess you have a point."
You stand up to dim the lights so that the screen was easier to see.
"Hot cocoa!" Your mother barges into your room without warning, setting two mugs on the nightstand.
"Thanks, mom." You watch as she waves and turns the corner back into the living room.
You sigh in relief before climbing back on to your bed and laying next to your friend as the movie starts.
"I know it's only been a week, but I can't see myself living without you!" The lead female actress cries out. "Please don't leave me here with the demon zombies!"
You stifle a laugh as hoards of sickly looking mutants shuffle across the screen and into the darkness. One of them latches on to a screaming human as it bites into their neck, causing an obnoxious amount of blood to spout from the wound. They fall silent as it continues to eat the gored flesh of its victim.
"Ew..." Sloan mumbles underneath their breath.
Another human has their leg severed out of nowhere by a mysterious falling beam. Several demon zombies feast on the severed appendage before the bleeding human limps away as fast as possible.
"What in the world is this movie even about again?" They question.
"Didn't you read the title? It's about demon zombies." You turn around to face them instead of the screen.
Their gaze is fixated on you– their pulse increasing as your eyes meet theirs. A near uncontrollable urge to reach out and cup your face overtakes them and they use all the willpower they have in their body to hold themself back.
Why? What could possibly be causing them to feel this way?
A peach toned blush paints across their face.
"Are you scared? Need me to hold your hand?" You tease.
They don't reply right away. Instead, they think about when your hand brushed theirs in the library earlier today. The same rush of emotions they felt then were beginning to return in this moment.
"Of course I'm not scared! Why would I be scared?" They jump on the defensive. "Are you scared?" They playfully mock you instead.
A giggle stirs from your lips. You're so cute– oh no! It's too early for them to start thinking like that. You're just friends. Miss Ziegler told them to just be friends with you. So that's what they're doing of course– just being friends.
Friends.
Your hand reaches out to touch theirs and they instantly latch on with zero hesitation. The warmth and softness of your skin was just as noticeable as it was all those hours ago.
Friends.
"Can I be honest with you for a minute?" You don't let Sloan reply before speaking up again. "I know it's only been a couple days, but I'm glad you decided to not give up on me, and be my friend."
Right. Friends.
"No one at school has ever been as nice to me as you've been. I'm thankful for that. And for you, too."
The word ricochets inside their skull like a bullet.
"I know it's still a little early to say what I really want to say. So, if I do what I'm about to do... you won't tell anyone, right?"
Your face leans in close to theirs.
"Right?" You ask one more time.
"R-right–" They reassure you.
Your eyes gently close before your lips press softly against theirs. A second passes– then two, then five, then ten– before you pull away and recast your eyes on their crimson colored face. Their free hand flies up to their lips in disbelief. The fireworks inside their body light up simultaneously as the realization settles on them. The words you want to say continue to dance on the edge of your tongue.
"C-can I have one more? I won't tell anyone–" Sloan asks– or pleas, more like.
You repeat the process one more time and the two of you quietly gaze at each other afterwards. The lead actress on television holds desperately on to her love interest as the two of them overlook the burning city crawling with the demonic undead.
"I know it's still early– but I love you. If we survive this, will you still love me?" She wonders.
"Of course. I will always love you–" The protagonist happily returns her affection. "– but don't tell anyone. Not yet. Not until all of this is over."
"So! How have you two been getting along?" Angela inquires, noticing how you've moved to sit next to Sloan instead of in front of them.
You glance at your 'secret' admirer for a second before smiling.
"Good." Is all that comes out.
"That's wonderful! I'm glad everything is working out between you two." She smiles warmly, just as she always has.
"I talked to Illari and Kiriko and they would still love to meet you, [Y/N]. Would you like to try talking to them again today?" She adds.
You nod.
She stands up and heads towards the door. "Super! I'll let them know they can come in. You kids be on your best behavior, alright?"
"Yes m'am!" You both say in unison.
Both girls you saw yesterday enter as Angela leaves for her daily lunch date.
"Oh~ what's with that face, hmm?" Kiriko points out with a sly expression.
"What face? It's just my face!" Sloan defends themself before turning away to avoid drawing any more attention.
You can't help but laugh.
"There's something you're not telling us. I have a feeling I know what it is, though." Illari states.
You brush your hand against Sloan's underneath the table. A finger wraps itself around one of yours as their face begins to glow from embarrassment.
"I can't tell you. Not yet." You smirk.
The truth is that nothing needed to be said– because it was already written across their flustered little face.
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holduwheremyheartis · 10 months
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inkskinned · 1 year
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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.
one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.
i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.
the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.
my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.
i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.
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frenchublog · 3 months
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how do you have the energy/time to colour in every piece you do? especially so detailed?
way too much turkish coffee
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Are you still active on tumblr?
YES I am!! Sorry friends for dropping off the face of the earth, I got a job and I had to move and it was a lot. But I am less stressed now and I hope I can get back to posting more regularly!! I really missed it (ノ^ヮ^)ノ*:・゚✧
I will never leave tumblr because there is no other place on the internet where I can tell people that 80% of the time when I try to introduce myself to someone in the office that I haven’t met yet I get so focused on smiling and holding eye contact that I forget the part where I actually have to introduce myself (°□°)
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#HELLO FRIENDS#how are you!! I missed you! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ#I hope you all had a good summer!!#mine was very nice even though there was a lot of stress and new things happening#suddenly there were so many adult things in my life that at the end of the day I just sat on the couch and watched decorating shows#I love decorating shows but today they showed this decorating competition and one woman had to decorate her whole bedroom coral#and then I knew it was time to go back#friends I've done so many new things the past few weeks!! I've really underestimated what this new chapter of my life would be like#it's very nice and I'm glad but I've never thought about things like insurance and taxes and parallel parking before#and I'm in a new apartment and everything!! ✧⁺⸜(●′▾‵●)⸝⁺✧#it is a very good apartment but the landlord left us so many of their chairs#this does not sound like a problem but we also owned chairs before#so our chair number is doubled now#the kitchen is full of chairs the balcony is full of chairs#I've hidden two chairs behind the TV but I can still see their chair heads and then I feel bad because they do not deserve this#they should be roaming free#also rode a BIKE#they say you never forget how to ride a bike#but my secret is that I never really knew how to ride one#in Germany all students have to do a bicyle test in fourth grade and I was so bad that my teacher asked me#afterwards if I had tried to confuse the other students#I just said 'uh yes' and then he said ok and I passed with the worst bicyle grade of the whole school#I hade made 8 bicyle mistakes#I hope you're doing well friends!! see you soon!!#have a nice day :)
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wildflowercryptid · 2 months
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forced to go to work when i'm truly meant to agonize over the underlying theme of adults failing the children they're meant to protect & nurture in scarvio.
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keymintt · 17 days
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CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You got the mural job, that's amazing news =D
THANK YOU!!! i've haven't quite done anythin like this before BUT i have enough experience from other projects to where it's not a super super daunting thing. like yeah it's Big and that'll have it's challenges but i'm excited !! :>
i don't know if i can show my proposal sketch off else i'd put it here but i will certainly show the finished mural off here once it's done >:3
#asks#clubsheartsspades#it also helps that i will be paid. several thousand dollars for this job. now part of that is to cover supplies bc it's. FUcking Big but#definitely the biggest job i have had so far size and paycheck wise dhglkdhfgl#i wouldn't call it weird exactly but i'm at an interesting place in my career as an artist bc i feel as if i should have found a specialty#by now. and by no means is it a bad thing that i haven't bc i love working on a huge variety of projects and i learn a lot from all of them#but for me it's like#i'm a freelance illustrator. i'm an art teacher. i do public art. i run an online shop. i do comics in my free time. every now and again i#exhibit in physical galleries#i do digital art but i'm also a traditional artist#'mintt why are you like this' i'm insane and i don't realize it until i write out everything i do like. oh. huh.#i don't mind doing any and all of that it's fun and there is an inherent cohesion to my work regardless bc i made it#but a lot of the artists i follow. especially the handful of professional artists i know irl do like. one or two of those things bc that's#their specialty. and idk if i have that career specialty yet. i Certainly have my specialties irt subjects#i think there's something to be said though about me seeking out more local opportunities than anything bc i don't feel like i quite have#the portfolio yet to be really noticed when applying for Big Things out of state and whatnot#at least with my more traditional work digital stuff is different#i am thoroughly rambling now sdhgklhflg
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voraxiia · 7 months
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remember there was a time when i said i wouldn't know how to quit tumblr
( there's a small rant going on in the tags but the point is i miss it here ok and i hope everyone's having a splendid day / week / month and your favourite treat is on sale bc you deserve it )
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running-in-the-dark · 11 months
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had a conversation about gym class with my friend who I went to school with today - it was depressing but also nice to hear that her experience with it (at that particular school) was just as bad as mine.
I don't think the way my school treated gym class was entirely normal tbh. it was completely different to the school I went to after, anyway. and everyone I talked to there only knew gym class to be a pretty fun, lighthearted thing. at my old school it was only about achievement, you had to be perfect, if not you were usually yelled at. and if you couldn't participate because you were feeling a bit ill (but not enough to stay home from school) you were ridiculed and/or insulted in front of the whole class. this happened with every gym teacher we had over the whole 9 years there.
it felt like two hours of punishment, there was nothing good about it. and it made at least the both of us feel like any kind of exercise/sport, especially in a group setting, was terrifying - for years after. even my much more positive experience at the other school I went to didn't make that go away.
#maybe my school really just sucked#I mean I already know it did. but maybe it did in even more ways than I thought#maybe it's a Gymnasium thing. idk. any Germans please feel free to comment if gym class at your school was like this#and it wasn't just because we were bad at sports or anything. I got very good grades in gym class at the other school. and my friend does a#ton of different sports now and everything#I remember there was a girl in my class who got a 1 (the best grade) in every other class and a 4 (out of 6) in gym class. and the teacher#was so fucking awful and gleeful about it. he made fun of her so much.#I'm pretty sure I was about to get a 6 in gym class right before I dropped out - and that definitely played a part tbh. I just couldn't#spend one more second with that gym teacher. he was horrible and gross and mean (and sexually harassed girls at another school! but of#course he was still allowed to teach at our school!! ľ#anyway. gym class was the worst part of my (already not great) life from 11 to 19 so I hope all my old gym teachers break both their legs :)#except one. he was really nice to us and didn't do any of the stuff the others did. but we only had him for a year in between all the other#ones so it wasn't enough :(#like one of our (female!!) teachers would loudly make fun of girls who said they couldn't participate because they were on their period and#in too much pain.#in front of everyone. when we were like 13.#I hate that woman more than any of the others.#lol it's funny how like half of my issues are because of my parents and the other half is because of that fucking school#I will never forgive my mother for forcing me to go there and never letting me change schools even though I asked to for 8 fucking years#personal
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simplydnp · 4 months
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fuck
#trigger warning for anti-queer legislation & transphobia further in the tags#it's just so. awful. and i forget sometimes cause i'm here on my tumblr bubble & i havent left the house in 3 months due to chronic illness#but i am very lucky to live where i live and get to do what i do and i cant even do that anymore. because of this illness#and while im away. theyre. hurting my kiddos. taking away their rights. 'for the children' they say. fuck off.#'leaves them with less choice as adults' what does that even fucking mean. nothing! it means nothing. its to scare you.#do i need to send a letter home to call a child by a nickname instead of their government birthname??#i'll let you all in on a secret: my government name is not char. but my teachers called me it. and my parents didnt need to be notified.#and the world didnt end!#i had a pride flag up in my room. and a kid asked me what it meant. and immediately i knew it was delicate.#hes like whats it for. and im like well. what does a flag mean to you? do you have a flag you connect with?#and the kid was like yeah. its like. community. and im like yeah! that's what this is for some people. it's also a show of support.#and the kid said 'oh i get it.' and then a pause. 'i like the colours' and i said me too!#and we talked about his country flag and other country flags and completely moved on#but he listened! and he learned! this kid hardly listens to me teach but he respects when i'm real.#auoghhh. so many kids affected. genuinely makes me ill. on top of everything.#i dont even know#c.text
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sherlock-is-ace · 2 years
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theflyingfeeling · 11 months
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It's not too late to start being kind to yourself today 💕✨️ but i hope tomorrow is a better day for you if today wasn't so great 💖
So sweet of you to say that 🥺 I'm afraid I've already fallen into that vicious "I can't do this" cycle so today's lost, but as I said, maybe tomorrow will be better
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