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delcakoo · 1 year

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i choose you! ˚ᘒ ˖˚𓈒 n.rk

SUMMARY ! at last, your journey begins on route 1 with your first pokemon by your side.. and your pesky neighbor who somehow angers a flock of pidgeys enough to chase the both of you back to where you started. but don’t worry, riki will be there to protect you.. probably!

PAIRING ! pokemontrainer!niki x gn!reader

WC ! 3.7k

GENRE ! pokemon au (dont need to know that much to understand) frenemies to lovers, fluff <3

WARNINGS ! riki’s nickname for you is dummy, mentions of scraped knews/elbows, bandaged wounds, blood, being attacked by birds

a/n: this has been in my drafts since january cuz i only wrote it for the pokemon nostalgia and im kinda iffy abt it.. i tried to clean it up tho so hope u all enjoy!

ding dong! ding dong! dingdongdingdongdingdongdingdo—

you practically yank your front door off the wall in vexation, the ringing in your ears dissipating the moment your annoying neighbour comes into view. he has a cheeky grin plastered across his pale face as his finger drops from your doorbell, shoving into his short’s pockets mischievously.

he tilts his head, and his black wavy hair bounces along animatedly. “ready to go, dummy?”

you’ve had the misfortune (or fortune) of being glued to nishimura riki’s side since birth.

you were the same age, yet it felt more like you were babysitting than hanging out with a friend during most of the time spent with him. your neighbor was the definition of a dork; an impulsive idiot with no sense of limits or rules that you’d constantly have to take control of before he did something stupid (though, there was no harm in letting it happen and relishing in the entertainment every so often). in fact, you could dare him to lick the sidewalk in exchange for a single oran berry, and he’d do it without hesitation.

reckless or not, you couldn’t deny your vast soft spot for the raven haired boy, considering he’s grown up with you and all.

but today, riki’s grin and visible excitement shockingly held a valid reason.

“hell yeah,” you reply with a smirk, gripping your backpack tighter once you descend down the front porch.

riki’s arm finds its way around your shoulder, smile growing as he stares down at you. “can you believe it, y/n? today’s really the day.”

you chuckle and nod. “yup, all those years at the academy will finally pay off.”

at least, it would for you; it was a miracle riki even graduated, noting that he still didn’t even know what would beat a dark type pokemon if one were to jump in front of him now.

“wonder what type of pokemon our starters will be,” he ponders. “i hope mine’s a dragon!”

“eh.. i think a bug type suits you better.”

in reply, he violently pinches your arm. “ay, ‘bet you’ll get a poison type with that attitude.”

while the bantering continues, the sliding door to your town’s lab eventually parts for the both of you. the high ceiling building was filled with all sorts of strange machines and metal tubes, and it was rather quiet besides the occasional sounds of pokemon chirping and playing in the distance. you vageuly remember being here once before on a field trip, as well as the memory of riki almost releasing a wild pokemon from it’s enclosure and getting your whole academy banned.

ah, good times.

as you trail inside, you feel something enclosed around your hand and carefully lace through your fingers. you glance down to investigate, brows furrowing at the sight of riki’s hand clasping yours tightly.

“..what are you doing?” you mutter with warm cheeks.

he shrugs. “this is a big moment, so i felt like holding your hand.” riki didn’t seem phased nor flustered at all, swinging your intertwined hands back and forth. it wasn’t too surprising for him to initiate physical touch, yet for whatever reason something as simple as hand holding was making a strange feeling erupt in your stomach.

though before you could question him further, a feeble voice echoed blaringly through the laboratory. “my my, what do we have here?”

and in walks who you remember as professor bonsai, icy white lab coat nearly touching the ground as her frail fingers reach up to adjust her green glasses. you recall the old woman visiting the academy once or twice, and it was easy to tell she knew a whole lot more about pokemon than any of your teachers or trainers just by how she spoke of them.

to his disappointment, you quickly rip your hand from your neighbour’s, bowing politely. “professor bonsai, it’s an honor!” you exclaim with enthusiasm. riki quickly bows too, following you closely.

the woman’s lips raise, scanning you up and down. “ah, i remember you. y/n, correct?” you quickly nod, smiling. when the professor looks over to riki, her welcoming expression drops, wrinkles deepening unpleasantly. “and you..”

riki’s eyes widened, scratching his neck nervously. he seems to have made a bad first impression with the woman in the past, and you couldn’t say you were surprised in the slightest. “uh, hi again.. professor.”

“lord arceus.. ” she mumbles disapprovingly before clearing her throat. “alright then, both of you this way.”

with that, the old lady turns, walking away and leaving you and riki to exchange worried glances.

“she definitely hates me,” riki whispers as you follow her through the lab.

you raise a judging brow, pinching his side. “probably for good reason. i bet you played some stupid prank on her at the academy or something.”

comically, his eyes widen. “how’d you know?”

as you open your mouth to reply with ‘because you’re riki’, the professor stops, gesturing to a small table under a bright light behind her.

“here we are, i assume you’ve already had the lecture of what it means to have your first pokemon?”

you nod, while riki watches dumbly. “yes professor.”

“then, you may pick one,” she states.

instantly, you freeze up.

there lay three shining red pokeballs, each in their own little capsules on display to the two of you.

that’s when it hit you that this was fully happening. the moment you’ve been waiting for since your first day at the academy; the day you’d get your first pokemon — your partner for life.

you glance over at riki.

when it came to your childhood friend, it felt like you already had a partner for life, as cheesy as it sounded.

you shake your head, riki would tease the hell out of me if i said that out loud.

while you were in deep thought, riki had already walked closer to the three mystery pokeballs, ever so carefully grabbing the middle one.

he glances over to the professor, who’s studying his actions sternly. “do i just- can i..?”

“go ahead,” she deadpans.

you watch in awe as riki throws the pokeball in front of him, red light flowing out of it before a small, turtle like creature with a single sapling coming out of its head plops onto the ground. it was mostly a pale green with a hint of yellow on it’s chin and feet, and a small brown shell adorned it’s smooth back.

“oh my god, it’s so cute,” you squeak in awe, rushing over to pet the pokemon’s shell. riki grins, quickly kneeling next to you to do the same. you fail to notice how every so often, his gaze bounces over to thoroughly take in your beaming expression rather than the little creature before him.

“that one is turtwig,” professor bonsai informs. “he’s a grass type, and the shell on his back is made from soil, which hardens when he drinks water.”

when riki scratches under turtwig’s neck, the creature chirps in delight, leaning into his touch more than yours. “guess i’ll have to buy lots of water,” riki declares, “i’ll choose him.”

without another moment of hesitation, he picks up the small pokemon, holding it in his arms happily. turtwig wiggles around, licking riki’s fingers and making the boy giggle cutely.

you gaze at them in desire, impatience rushing through you. riki observes as you pace over to the remaining two pokeballs, hesitantly taking the left one. the ball feels stable in your grasp, so shiny that you could make out your reflection reflecting onto the red lid. “pick a good one, dummy,” he cheers you on cheekily.

you roll your eyes in fake annoyance, still smirking as you gently throw the ball before you. rather unceremoniously, a small blue penguin flops out of the ball, face planting right onto the hard floor with an ugly chirp.

professor bonsai sighs, and riki bursts into a mean cackle. meanwhile you gasp, rushing over to help the pokemon up and into your embrace. “poor thing, are you okay? i’m sorry, i must’ve thrown it too hard.”

in response, the penguin puffs out its chest stubbornly, yet its expression screams that it’s embarrassed. the creature’s tiny yellow beak was slightly in a pout, and it took everything in you to not boop it fondly.

professor bonsai rubs her forehead. “that’s piplup, her species is rather clumsy yet very prideful. she has a hard time accepting food from humans and bonding with trainers that try to get close to her — and as you can see, she puffs out her chest whenever she falls down, which is quite often due to her poor walking abilities.”

contrary to the woman’s words, piplup seemed to enjoy your presence, peering up at you in satisfaction as you rubbed her tummy. however, when riki walks over to pet her as well, there was nothing to prepare him for when she decides to rudely peck his hand.

riki jumps back, nearly dropping turtwig. “ow!” he whines, and you swear you see the professor snicker proudly in the background.

“that’s what you get for laughing at her,” you declare, sticking your tongue out teasingly. piplup, who was now completely relaxed in your hold, sticks her small tongue out as well, making you burst into laughter. “if it’s okay, i’ll gladly take her, professor.”

she nods, nudging her glasses up with the tip of her finger. “very well then. do you both know where to go from here?”

“yeah,” “no,” you and riki blurt in sync.

unsurprised, you roll your eyes. “don’t worry, i have him under control.” with piplup sitting carefully on your shoulder, you grab riki’s forearm, quickly leading him out. “thank you professor, we’ll be sure to repay you!”

———

“i wanna be the very best, that no one ever was! dun dun du-dun, to catch them is my real test, to train th—ow!” riki pauses his serenading, cradling the arm that you’d pinched rudely.

“shut up, i’m trying to read this useless piece of shit,” you bark. “seriously who drew this thing? even you could make a better map than this!”

it’s quiet for a moment as the four of you continue wandering to who knows where, piplup fast asleep on your shoulder while riki and turtwig searched around cluelessly. there were freakishly large trees surrounding every mile of land, and lots of patches with wild grass that you both made sure to steer clear of; the last thing you needed was to fight wild pokemon before you could even buy pokeballs at the next town.

originally, you suspected that going from the lab to route one would be a piece of cake, but clearly not everything could go perfect in a day. unless you were reading it wrong (which you probably were), your map sent you in repetitive circles — and of course, the boy next to you didn’t provide much support.

abruptly, turtwig lets out a small chirp of his name minutes later, gesturing backwards with a prompt nod. riki follows his pokemon’s guide, eyes widening a fraction. “hey dummy, we’re looking for route one.. right?” he suddenly inquires, tapping your shoulder.

you roll your eyes, “yes, i told you that like an hour ago—“ you finally look up from your map and follow the boy’s gaze, jaw hanging off your face when you see a giant, obnoxious white sign reading ‘route 1’ on it.

you feel your eye twitch in annoyance. you were supposed to be on map duty while he kept an eye out for the destinations you read off. “you’ve got to be kidding me! riki, you were supposed to be looking for that humongous thing right in the middle of the forest for the past hour, are you blind?”

“i don’t know, turtwig didn’t see it either! i was just.. excited,” he defends.

how on earth am i supposed to survive with this idiot? you huff, folding up the map and throwing it into your backpack’s side pocket. next to you, riki has a small, discouraged pout on his lips, walking with his head slightly down.

his posture makes your eyes soften, guilt rushing through you as you reach up to pat his shoulder gently. “it’s okay, ki. sorry for yelling,” you apologise quietly.

riki kicks a rock into the air out of impulse, and you watch as it rockets all the way into a near patch of grass with no mercy. “nah, i deserved it anyway.”

then, an angry squak rips from the grass in front of you, right where riki had booted that stone.

you grip his shoulder in concentration, patting piplup awake with your other hand. “riki..”

“no y/n, seriously,” he insists, “i really do need to start focusing. we’ve only just left and..”

while he blabbers, you’re busy witnessing a raging flock of pidgeys fly up from the tall grass, furiously glaring down at the two of you.

“riki!” you holler, yanking him by his backpack. piplup is chirping frantically, holding on tightly as you grab riki’s hand and pull him behind while you sprint for your life.

the wavy haired boy has barely processed anything; nearly tripping on his own sneakers. when he looks back and realises the situation, riki’s eyes double in size comically. one pidgey hurls a small whirlwind right at him, and he narrowly dodges out of the way milliseconds prior with the help of turtwig’s warning chirp. “holy shit! what the hell do those ugly pigeons want!?”

“that rock you kicked must’ve hit one of them!” you scream your reply, anxiously feeling the birds getting closer. they were all scowling aggressively, clearly not up to discuss or show mercy.

just as you prepare to speed up even more, you feel the warmth of your neighbour’s hand get pulled away as a strong, angry gust yanks you away and down to the ground, piplup rolling off your back in the process and leaving riki screeching to a halt. your elbows and knees burn from scraping against the dirt, and the spinning in your head emits a groan from your lips.

nonetheless, you turn yourself onto your back in determination, sitting up on your palms again achingly. “get out of here!” you order riki, “me and piplup can deal with it.” the blue penguin chirps in agreement as she gets up herself, stretching her tiny arms and puffing up her chest again in an attempt of intimidation.

the pidgeys have almost caught up to the both of you, yet riki refrained from standing down; instead rushing to stand in front of you defensively. “no y/n, i have to do something helpful today,” he snaps. “turtwig, use razor leaf!”

riki spoke confidently as if he’s done this a million times before, yet it wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone that this encounter was both of your first ever real battles.

your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets at his command. “what— but— riki no! grass types are unaffective against flying types, we learned this in—“

it was too late — turtwig had already jumped in front of you in obedience to his owner, throwing an attack at the brown creatures with an angry howl.

but just as you’d explained, the normally sharp leaves had barely any effect on the pidgeys, only infuriating them further as they grouped together to summon another giant whirlwind at you.

right as the tornado spins towards you, you feel riki rush over and wrap his body around you protectively, shielding you for whatever’s to come. his arms felt surprisingly sturdy and warm, opposing the powerful body of wind firing your way.

at the same time, a new voice breaks the silence of your accepted defeat. “watch out, you two!”

you feel riki squeeze you tighter just before everything turns black.

———

it takes you a couple tries until your eyes fully open. the peaceful silence keeps you calm as you slowly but surely wake up, taking in the white hospital room accompanied with a quiet beep of a monitor next to you.

at your awakening, piplup coos in greeting from the pillow beside you. “hey cutie,” you greet with a smile, patting your pokemon’s head affectionately.

“oh, thought you were talking to me.”

you quickly turn over to your other side to see a dishevelled riki in a bed of his own, raven hair sticking up in all directions and a blue hospital gown adorning his figure. he has a couple bandages wrapped around his arms, and your chest tightens when you see slight hints of blood seeping through then.

at his words, you sigh. it amazed you how your neighbour managed to joke around even in a situation like this. “how’re you feeling?” you ask with worry.

riki looks away, staring up at the white ceiling emotionlessly. “useless, stupid, a failure.” you frown further. “besides that, just peachy.”

“it was just a mistake—“

“i’ve made enough of those, don’t you think?” he snaps, now completely turned on his other side to avoid eye contact. “and that time it wasn’t just another fuck up, y/n. you could’ve got hurt.”

your brows furrow, mind flashing back to how hard riki tried to protect you throughout the entire attack, no matter if he was endangered in the process. “and what about you, ki? sure, you messed up, but instead of running away like some people would, you tried your hardest to fix it and take responsibility.” the boy remains motionless, breathing slowly against his white pillow. “even when those pidgey’s nearly swept us off into a damn tornado, you still tried to protect me instead of yourself for some stupid reason.”

he scoffs. “c’mon y/n, you know damn well what that reason is.”

“what? no i d—“

“i care about you, like, a lot. i fucking like you, dummy.” at last, riki sits back up to face you, casually smoothing his hair down as if he’d just commented on the weather or what he had for breakfast. the boy scoffs as you freeze, rendered speechless with your lips parted dumbly. “geez, you’re acting like this is new information,” he deadpans.

in his head, you’d always known of his little-not-so-little crush, but just decided to stay quiet in hopes of not breaking his heart — which he secretly appreciated, even if it was the complete wrong approach to take.

meanwhile, you were spiralling. riki, as in nishimura riki — your idiotic neighbour, lifelong childhood friend, the boy who didn’t know that grass pokemon are useless against flying ones — liked you?

suddenly, you feel a demanding peck on your arm, which happens to be piplup sending you a ‘stop sitting there uselessly before something flies into your mouth’ glare.

you gulp, making hesitant eye contact with him. “i- i really didn’t know, how- when?” you exclaim desperately.

before your answers could be retrieved, the hospital room’s door is pulled open, revealing a handsome young male with jet black hair and sunglasses. a varsity jacket covers his built figure, along with a navy backpack thrown over his left shoulder. his features and demeanour were all extremely sharp and intimidating, which you suppose matches the charmeleon that follows close behind him.

the boy removes his eyewear, surveying you up and down before doing the same to riki and releasing an amused chuckle. “finally. you newbies were out all night.”

riki grunts. “who are you?”

“call me jay, the one who saved your asses.” he explains, leaning up against the wall with crossed arms. “which reminds me, you little dorks owe me big time. took me and my buddy here lot’s of energy turning those pidgeys into dinner.” his tone was too difficult to read to assume he was kidding around, no matter how aggressively charmeleon growled in agreement.

you and riki shared a disbelieving look while jay lets out a yawn, completely unaffected by your lack of response. “y’know, i wouldn’t mind a cash reward too.”

“sorry for the trouble, and thank you,” you gulp. “i had some in my bag i think, you can—“

another round of laughter cuts you off. “i’m playing with you guys, it’s all good. how about you repay me by accepting the poor guy’s confession? i heard there’s a great first date spot up in sandgem town.” riki’s eyes widen at that, an embarrassing tint of red reaching his ears at the idea of the older male listening in on the past few minutes.

relievingly, a doctor shows up moments later. “sir, i’m sorry to interrupt, but we need to check on these patients in a minute.”

before his fortunate departure, jay sends one more glance between the both of you, winking at riki and leaving a teasing salute behind.

it was awkwardly silent once he was gone.

until once again, piplup delivers a gentle but demanding peck to your arm, snapping you out of your daze. you swallow in determination, attempting to build your confidence as you sit further up in bed. “riki, i—“

“it’s okay,” the male swiftly intervenes, “you don’t have to say anything, i already know you don’t—“

“riki!”

he flinches slightly at your raise in volume, sending you a bewildered glare. “what?!”

“geez, i like you too, idiot.” you get a blank stare in response for a good minute, which only comes to an end once a proud, approving chirp from piplup snaps him out of it. riki swallows, clearly not prepared for such an outcome judging by his hands that fidget with each other endearingly.

“oh,” he replies uselessly, ignoring the headbutt turtwig punishes him with moments after.

of course that was all he had to say.

you roll your eyes, hopping off your bed to begin searching through your backpack. it’d be better to simply change the subject if he’s going to react like this, isn’t it?

“jay mentioned something about sandgem being the next town, and that only means one thing. we’re all the way back in twinleaf. so i guess we’ll have to—“ when you look up from the map, you freeze at the view of riki standing in front of you, holding a look in his eye that differs from any one that he’s given you previously. he reaches for the map and places it gently on the bed, taking another step closer to your figure.

your breath immediately hitches. despite the messiest bed-head imaginable, bloody bandages, and his outfit being nothing but an unappealing hospital gown, your best friend never failed to look good, and it was about time you pointed it out. “y/n, do you mean it?”

you didn’t need to ask to understand what he meant. “yeah.. do you?”

before you knew it, your jaw was being cupped ever so softly by his palm, and when you didn’t reject his touch, riki leaned down to connect his lips with yours. it wasn’t rushed or frantic — no, your reckless best friend managed to kiss you so gently, you think he’s imagining you poof-ing into the thin air if he moved any rougher. his other hand attempts to bring you closer by the waist, but the action only results in a pained hiss due to the bandage-clad injuries decorating his skin.

pulling away reluctantly, you reach up to squeeze his shoulder while desperately attempting to hide your giddy smile. “y’know, i always imagined you’d be a messy kisser.”

riki smirks. “i can be if you want me to, dummy.”

at the sound of his nickname that you’ve annoyingly got accustomed to, you pout. “you’re really still gonna call me that?”

his lips press against yours once more, effectively shooing your pout away. “of course, you think being your boyfriend would make me change or something?”

huffing, you reach down to put the map back into your backpack, accepting defeat. “whatever, we should get out of here before the doctors come.”

“okay.. wait,” riki’s eyes brighten mischievously, immediately sending a worried expression to your face. “so.. you’ve imagined kissing me?”

shit.

“…piplup, use water gun.”

if you enjoyed, reblogs + feedback are always appreciated n’ motivating!

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mariacallous · 5 months

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For months, GOP presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy has been dog-whistling to supporters of extremist far-right ideologies and wild conspiracy theories like QAnon. On Wednesday night, at the fourth Republican presidential debate, Ramaswamy went full tilt: After blasting the three other debaters for turning on former president Donald Trump, Ramaswamy argued, without evidence, that the January 6 Capitol riot was an inside job, the 2020 presidential election was stolen, the government had lied about 9/11, and the “deep state” was responsible for all these things.

Then, Ramaswamy claimed that the “great replacement theory is not some grand right-wing conspiracy theory, but a basic statement of the Democratic Party’s platform.” The great replacement theory is a widely-debunked conspiracy that the liberal establishment, along with a cabal of “global elites,” is encouraging the immigration of people of color in order to “replace” white voters.

Immediately, white supremacists online celebrated the reference to the racist and antisemitic conspiracy.

Nick Fuentes, a white nationalist influencer who was livestreaming his reaction to the debate on the alternative streaming platform Rumble, appeared visibly shocked that Ramaswamy went so far. He watched open-mouthed as Ramaswamy continued to boost wild conspiracies. “Let’s go,” a visibly delighted Fuentes told his thousands of viewers.

A clip of Fuentes’ reaction was posted on X by Irish antisemitic and anti-immigrant influencer Keith O’Brien, known online as Keith Woods, with the comment: “Time to mainstream this discussion across the West.”

The post quickly racked up tens of thousands of likes and shares, including from Ramaswamy’s own official X account. “Repost by Vivek, very cool,” O’Brien wrote on his Telegram channel. “We love Vivek.”

“When someone like Ramaswamy promotes great replacement and other conspiracy theories, he's platforming a violent and paranoid ideology to a mainstream audience. It's clear that he speaks the language of conspiracy theory believers, antisemites, and extremists—many of these same people have embraced his candidacy,” Mike Rothschild, an author who writes about conspiracy theories and extremists tells WIRED. “And he's speaking to these people not to help his DOA campaign, but to cement them as his future base for whatever he does next in this world. It's a dangerous and cynical ideology.”

Ramaswamy subsequently deleted the post from his feed, but within minutes of Ramaswamy boosting the conspiracies, verified accounts on X and major far-right influencers on platforms like Telegram were celebrating. “Vivek says ALL the RIGHT things,” John Sabel, a QAnon promoter known as QAnon John, wrote on his Telegram channel.

Jordan Sather, another QAnon influencer, claimed that initial media reports of Ramaswamy spouting conspiracy theories “prove that Vivek kicked ass on the debate stage last night.”

Ramaswamy did not immediately respond to requests for comment from WIRED. The night before the debate, the candidate also boosted the conspiracy theory on X in a post calling the theory “basic immigration policy for Democrats.”

“We know this conspiracy theory can drive people to kill,” Jared Holt, extremism researcher at the Institute for Strategic Dialogue, tells WIRED. “If this supremacist lie is further embraced by political leaders, I think it's reasonable to worry that the chance of violence will increase.”

The once-fringe theory has been cited as a motive by multiple mass shooters in recent years. It has been boosted not only by online far-right influencers but also mainstream right-wing figures like Tucker Carlson, who pushed the great replacement theory hundreds of times on his former Fox News show.

“The “great replacement” is just one of several iterations of racist “white extinction” theories that radical right actors have injected into American politics throughout the years. It’s motivated far-right extremists to carry out acts of grotesque racial violence, whether in the United States or abroad,” Hannah Gais, a senior researcher at the Southern Poverty Law Center, tells WIRED. “At times, these theories have mainly found favor among the far-right fringe. In other cases their embrace among more mainstream political actors has led to devastating policy changes, such as the use of racial quota systems in immigration law.”

The great replacement theory has also been used across Europe to justify the rise of authoritarian regimes, such as that of Viktor Orbán in Hungary. It was recently cited as an excuse for the violent riots that engulfed Ireland’s capital last month.

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hideyseek · 3 months

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oh my god ahaha so, i was reading through my writing journal from 2023. this is because today i am embarking on the semi-daunting journey of figuring out where i left off in drafting narrative!fic, and one of the specific steps i identified that i could do (to avoid overwhelming myself with "uh. just get familiar with like. 20k of draft material hidey") was to read through last year's writing journal and see what i was thinking about the last time i actually wrote for this project. i haven't yet gotten to the point in the journal where i did (i'm reading backward and i was so immersed in my secret saito fic that all of the last entries are just that), but i did find AN ABSOLUTE GEM.

from december 26, 2023:

oh and the other thing i wanna try before i even start the revision wishlist is a readthrough where i just pay attention to what ticks me into the positive / negative feelings as i am reading!!! the way george saunders recommends! i think this wil be an interesting exercise in paying attention to what keeps my attention as a reader, since it will be important to know that as i am revising because i subscribe to the school of thought that i am revising to MY experience of the story.

this!!!!! this is now an INTEGRAL part of my writing process now! i can't believe i've had this for less than two months! like i had kind of forgotten how much i thought about the beginning of devotion (my secret saito fic) as specifically a "proof of process", but i'd also forgotten that i didn't even do this prior to that fic! like, this is how i hand-hold myself through the first readthrough of my shitty down drafts! this is also what i do to get from the first semi-decent up drafts to the rest of the up drafts! like ... wow. truly the start of an era there.

it's kind of strange to think about the timing of this realization / idea (?) to do what i now abbreviate as a "p/n readthrough". what i'm referencing here when i say "the way george saunders recommends!" is -- there's a section in his book a swim in a pond in the rain where he talks about how reading for fun and reading for critique are pretty much the same, in both cases you have this like, meter in your head (dial?) where as you're reading sometimes you run into something you like, and that ticks the needle into the [P]ositive, and sometimes you run into something you don't like or that bores you, and that ticks the needle into the [N]egative. and when you're critiquing, you just write that down, and maybe dress it up to be a little more palatable to the writer you're providing feedback for. but like, i read about this idea in [checks my goodreads] JANUARY of 2023! and then didn't even do this now extremely loadbearing thing in my writing process until december!

all that to say, it's wild how these things work out sometimes! this p/n readthrough has carried me extremely well through three fic drafts (two up drafts and one down draft) in the last month and a half (for when future!me stumbles across this post and can't be bothered to cross-reference with my writing journal, that's the up draft of mini heist!au and the up/down drafts for weilan blowjob fic). and now i can't imagine my process without it! it's made my writing process much kinder to me!

i used to be soooo daunted by going from a shitty first draft to any better draft. i used to just kind of read through the down draft and go "okay here are all the things that are Bad and make me feel Bad when i run into them in the doc, let me immediately write down the things that are Wrong and also i must immediately think of a way to Fix It". like, i would really only be looking at things that felt like they weren't working, and just be like "X isn't working" in my notes. and ... yeah. of course that kind of sucked, emotionally. this is also like, not how i would ever beta anybody else's fic.

and now, in the structure of the p/n readthrough ... i'm a lot more ... inquisitive, i guess, is the best word for it. first of all i'm approaching with more of a "what parts of this fic are close to what i'm aiming for, and what parts aren't?" which, for me at least, is a much gentler approach than "what is wrong with this fic?" haha. the goal isn't "find out what is Bad in the fic and Eliminate It", but the goal of this process is to help me to a deeper and clearer understanding of the themes, characterization / character arcs, story arcs, worldbuilding, etc, of the fic i'm writing. and a lot of the time, reading through, what is revealed is that i don't know what i'm going for, which is just as useful to me as the places where i can go "oh yeah this is exactly what i want to be doing."

and the other big difference that makes this gentler to me is the way i provide myself feedback in this structure. rather than going "X is a problem, it needs to be Different In Some Way", my notes are phrased as "oh X is happening, but i kind of wish Y was happening instead because i want to see [whatever]" or "i want to explore [whatever]" or "i vaguely remember a note i can't find anymore that i wanted to do [thing] here". for me, phrasing it as things i want, or things i wish were happening that aren't happening in the fic, lets me approach the readthrough more from a reader's perspective (someone who's looking for narrative satisfaction from the fic and just so happens to have my exact taste, hehe). the changes from before are that i'm doing a lot more reflection to identify why i want more or less of what i'm seeing in the fic, which goes back to that idea of the goal of this process being "understanding the fic" rather than "identifying the problems in the fic".

and then, understanding the fic sort of leads into identifying the places where the fic is farther from where i want it to be, and where it's closer. most of the time, a p/n readthrough gets me to a new rough outline of how i want the major elements of the fic to come together, because in this framework it's a lot easier for me to jump back and forth between the details (whatever actual in-the-moment specific decisions i've made in the down draft) and the bigger-picture understanding of the story and themes of the fic. (caveat: i've only done this for fic that's like, under 5k-ish, so who knows as i venture into longer fics lol)

okay haha. this is so long. if you are still here, i salute your ability to read my five million rambling, thank u, mwah.

#hidey speaks #hidey talks fic #lmao okay so uh. this is just me talking about my revision process “breakthrough” (????)#<- kind of a big word for something that boils down to “hidey learning how to apply Structure to be gentler to myself in fic revision”#ok back to like. what i was doing earlier. lol.#i am determined to reorient myself in this longfic that i haven't touched for uhh several months at least. by 1pm today #oh god writing this post took like 45min and now i have only an hour HAHA FUCK LOL GOODBYE

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scotianostra · 6 months

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On November 21st 1835 the Scottish makar James Hogg, the poet died in Ettrick.

I say poet, but Hogg defied categorisation. As well as his poems he is known as a songwriter, playwright, novelist, short story writer and parodist, he wrote with equal skill in Scots and English. Labelled as the Ettrick Shepherd, the former Borders farmhand, whose life spanned the 18th and 19th centuries, befriended many of the great writers of his day, including Walter Scott, John Galt Lord Byron,and Allan Cunningham.

Even though he was celebrated off and on in his own lifetime, some details of the author’s life remain unclear. Records place his baptism on December 9, 1770. But Hogg long believed he was born in 1772, on January 25 – Burns’ Night no less.

Aside from mimicking medleys, Hogg’s own body of work is made up of mountains of bits and pieces – and must be enjoyed on those terms. Seeking conclusions or definitive statements will only frustrate. Tales can drift off into fragments of poetry both familiar and new. Within stories he flips perspectives with little warning.

His , The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner us described as dark, humorous, violent, sweet, light, weird, wild,

Hogg’s mother, Margaret Laidlaw, was an important collector of Scottish ballads and a canny taleteller. His maternal grandfather, known as Will o’ Phawhope, was said to have been the last man in Selkirkshire to speak with fairies. Fairytale figures certainly fill Hogg’s most imaginative stories, most notably in his first collection of prose fiction, The Brownie of Bodsbeck and Other Tales (1818).

Burns was an early influence on Hogg, who considered himself to be the rightful heir to the Bard of Ayrshire and published his own collection less than four years after his idol’s death. Long before then, the locals dubbed him Jamie the Poeter, and he wrote countless songs for local girls to sing.

After writing a popular patriotic song, “Donald Macdonald”, in 1803, Hogg was recruited to collect ballads for Scott’s Minstrelsy of the Scottish Border. He also undertook extensive tours of the Highlands with a view to securing his own farm, but became more interested in the songs he heard along the way.

By 1819, he was recognised as a leading expert on Scottish ballads when the Highland Society of London commissioned him to produce the Jacobite Relics of Scotland, which became the benchmark of Scottish anthologies for many more decades.

He endured many failures on the way. In 1810, at the age of 40, Hogg moved to Edinburgh to settle into the life of a full-time writer. Within a year of starting it, his magazine The Spy folded. Readers weren’t ready for a publication that covered shocking themes such as extramarital sex!

Hogg spent the next few years scribbling more poetry and prose, and in 1817 he helped the subject of a post only yesterday, William Blackwood establish Scotland’s most influential literary periodical, the Edinburgh Monthly Magazine (later, Blackwood’s Magazine). In time, displaced by punchy younger contributors, Hogg eventually became a figure of fun in the same periodical. But he kept writing and writing. Winter Evening Tales, produced in the middle period of his life, is said to have been especially rewarding.

The University of Dundee recently produced a free online edition of The Private Memoirs and Confessions of a Justified Sinner, which includes explanatory notes and copies of the earliest reviews. Scotland’s great intermixer awaits new readers on the link below.

The statue of Hogg can be found at St May's Loch near Selkirk.

#scotland #scottish #history #edinburgh #poet #makar #writer #shepherd

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alephskoteinos · 8 months

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May I ask how you interperet Hellsing as a LHP practitioner?

More like student, but...

I have covered a lot of that in an article that I wrote in January when I was still reading Revolutionary Demonology, and I believe I've posted about on here before writing it out.

The irony central to Hellsing's overall premise has never escaped me. You know what I mean, I'm sure. The Church of England setting up the Hellsing Organisation to fight vampires, ghouls, the general forces of darkness and what not, and their ace is not only a vampire, he's essentially Dracula himself! I'm well aware of it, and that's why I don't cringe or wince at the Christian imagery as I might in other cases. In fact I often find myself thinking of Alucard as the closest thing that anime or manga has to a "satanic hero" figure (despite the fact that his loyalty is to the Church of England!), and to be fair these are always so hard to find in any kind of fiction. Maybe it's his irrepresible and romantic pride in himself, maybe it's the fact that he kills his enemies by turning into some kind of demonic shadows (I believe that's stuck with me for quite some time now), or maybe it's like he himself is darkness, or that even his death is only the final victory. Frankly, I love Alucard as a character.

Lately I sometimes relate him to Georges Bataille's headless god, like a headless god of darkness. I can sort of justify this image in two ways. First is the fact that even just being decapitated doesn't seem to stop him (as one Alexander Anderson would find out), or the fact that, in the other clash with Anderson, it's like Alucard's "head" is almost just a black flame with one eye (which, funny enough, comes after Alucard literally loses his head again).

I'd stop here, but there's something to say about that "satanic" aspect being directly tied to the figure of Dracula himself. Christianity often figured the vampire at large as aligned with Satan as an antithesis of the Christian faith. That's probably why you might find a fixation on vampirism within the modern Left Hand Path now and again (I know it's a terrible example but I know Michael W. Ford liked to milk that theme to death in his older books!). But it's also linked to the figure of Dracula himself, not just because of some sense of transcendent supernatural evil he is supposed to represent, but because his name means "dragon", the animal that Christian symbolism has for centuries linked with the figure of Satan, to the point that in modern Romanian the word "dracul" apparently sometimes means "devil".

Now I know Dracula never really literally looks like a dragon. Which almost has me thinking about how almost anything can be a dragon. Have you ever seen Son of the White Mare? It was a movie directed by Marcell Jankovics, released in 1981. It's based on the Hungarian folk tale Fehérlófia, about a young man, raised by a white mare, who with his two friends goes off to rescue three princesses from three dragons, each one with more heads than the last. But in the movie, even though they are dragons, they don't look like dragons at all. The first dragon looks like a three-headed golem, the second one looks more like a tank that somehow has six faces, and the third and final one looks like a big moving city where twelve buildings have faces of light!

Here's a video of a tribute animation someone made where you can see all three of the dragons as they appeared in the movie:

youtube

It's fucking wild. Watching it honestly might have deep down fundamentally changed the way I think about the depiction of dragons in fiction and narrative. Perhaps by this sense Alucard is a "dragon". But then it must be that he is the dragonslayer and the dragon. Is there not a better image of the Sun?

#hellsing #left hand path #dragons

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klassickdei · 1 year

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pointless life updates #04 - I've been through a lot, but I'm ok with it.

hi. welcome back to another episode of my pointless life updates. it’s been an entire month since I wrote an update. like october, november was also a hectic month for me, it was wild. my body was sending signals that I need to rest. and I do feel drained. but I know I am capable of continuing the run. I know that I must run. I can rest when I'm done. some parts are painless. but of course, some other parts are not. talking about "changing" yourself. what about that? changing yourself means giving up on yourself until now, denying yourself until now, and never again showing the face of yourself until now, as if you were sending it to its grave. it is a good thing? this is not such an easy thing to talk about. that is why people do not try to change and why they want to feel okay with things as they are, no matter how tough life gets. and end up living in search of "okay as I am". there's a monolog in me. "I'm sorry for making the most beautiful time of the life into a sad memory" but it always ends up "I am who I am now because of the time I spent with you, thank you for making precious lessons & memories with me." every person has sad experiences and setbacks and suffers unbearable treatment and also great disappointment. but some people refer to tragedies as 'lessons' or 'memories'. do people know how long I doubted myself? I'm sure they don't. I am the one who knows how much I've worked hard and gone through. I don't let it show, but I've been through some shit. people only know the result, but I, who know the process, am so proud of myself. and talking about being alone... as I said that I am comfortable doing all things alone because I barely find someone who believes in me and in the same frequency, I even fear I am too comfortable being alone and might struggle with letting someone in. I have someone that I adored so much, I truly appreciated him, he always motivated me in many ways. BUT I think he doesn't like me as I did. I confessed but the response is not so clear to me, anyway even IF he does love me, mAyBE we can not be in a relationship? as it is NOT my priority at the moment... but there are days when I feel like there is a void in my life. there are days when I wish I was in a loving relationship or wonder if I will ever find THE person. hahah such an irony. december will be no different. I had to do final exams, and I plan to back home as soon as possible. so that is making me so "lively" but in all the good ways. after going back home, I do not have anything I should do for my study thing, but I still have some work and projects for clients that I had to finish by the end of the year. that is also the reason why I still didn't tell anybody but my family about my d-day coming back home. less than a month 'til coming back home idk what is going to happen after. but I am excited and my plans are wide open for january. maybe I'll arrange a trip or staycation as a "self-reward?". ehehe idk yet. yet persevered toward, surer for the distance; Instead of saying "see you again", I'm sure it's right to say "goodbye" to this era/part of me living in Indralaya-Palembang, South Sumatera. not say that I don't wanna go back here again, just... the story of these 5 months in here right now, I want it to be a precious lesson. last but not least, I wanna recommend songs.. it’s… "회전목마 (Feat. Zion.T, 원슈타인) (Prod. Slom)" by sokodomo as well as "Ref:rain" by エメ. that’s all for today. thanks for tuning in and don’t forget to drink your water. happy holiday, see you next year. 12.2022 from ra.

#pointlesslifeupdates

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alexander-the-ham-man · 1 year

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I don't know why I am doing this, but I just wanted to share this with you all. Months ago I wrote this short fanfic about James HamiltonJr (Ham's brother). It is a one shot but I am working on another fanfic with James as well. Here goes the angst. Love y'all!!!

St. Croix December 1786,

James Hamilton Jr could feel death coming, he was 33 but knew that those were the last days on that earth for him. On his deathbed, with two diaries in hand a little portrait the man smiled. “I am going to mama little brother”, he whispered to the painting of a man, tears wetting his cheeks. His dark bright eyes wondered around the small room, his friends there with him alongside his wife. Behind her, James could see his beloved Caribbean Sea, he could hear the waves calling him. His wife though wasn’t looking at the sea, her eyes red for all the tears she shed, her hands trembling because of fear. “Send them to him…” He managed to whisper and point at the diaries. “He- He must know I never forgot him. He must know” He cried, sobbing and spitting blood from his mouth. “My love” his wife reached to him, a wet napkin on his forehead, adorned by beautiful brown curls. “Send them Anna. He must know.” She nodded, knowing to whom he was referring to. James, known as captain Croix spent the last day of his life coughing blood. “Mama” he called, feverish, close to death. “Lex”, he cried before shutting his eyes forever. Mary and the five men were now alone, silent and shocked at the death of the young man. “Who is Lex?” Paul asked, trying to send away the tears. “I don’t know; the captain was always secretive about his life.” Rudd answered between sobs. “Only those diaries know who he is.” Paul was about to reach the diaries but Anna stopped him. “No. no one will ever read them.” “Anna, he is dead don’t you want to know who he is?” Rudd approached her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I know enough, and I swore I’ll never tell anyone about us.” She stared at her young husband, beautiful like the god of the waves, brave and brilliant. James Hamilton, that was his name, obviously the crew had no idea of that. She knew what she had to do, give the diaries to James’ brother in the new born United States. She searched for a ship, for any mean to reach her husband’s brother, but in January, she discovered she had caught the illness as well. She sent the diaries and some letters that James wanted to send to his brother, but tragedy and misery followed the Hamilton’s family like a disease. The ship was sacked by pirates and the diaries lost forever, or so it is believed.

St. Kitts and Nevis, Four Season Luxury Resort 2022,

After a party, filled with champagne and music, a group of friends decides to go swimming under the stars, one of them touches an object under the water, a book, no… two books. Diaries, it appears. The boys open the book and read:

Memories of Captain James Sparrow Croix aka James Hamilton Jr

Dear Alexander,

If you are reading this, I am probably dead. I bought this diary years ago in Nevis, you told me to improve my writing and I called you a pretentious shit. I decided to leave the first page of this diary empty, in order to fill it when death was near. See, I am writing this in 1786, but the next pages will bring you back to old times. When you weren’t a war hero, or a prodigy. Alex, Lexie, I am proud of you and my greatest regret is to have spent a life without you. I always knew that you were going to become someone important, and I know you are going to be in history books someday. I never wanted that, I have always been too wild and lazy to sit down and learn. The woman who is giving you this is my wife and mate Anna, do not let yourself be fooled by her looks, she can use knife and pistol. Hence (It is a fancy word, you taught me this one), do not seduce her with your violet eyes and red hair. My dearest brother, you were always in my thoughts every day of my short life. You, mama, and sometimes also papa. I beg of you, do not overwork yourself and don’t be self-destructive as usual, do not pick up fights with everyone. And please, please little Lex, do not engage in duels, I had my fair share of them and trust me they are an awful affair. Especially when you gave your opponent a broken gun and steal his rum. Now my intelligent, brave, magnificent little Lex, wipe your tears and embrace yourself, in this diary you’ll read my greatest adventures and will understand why I never looked for you during these years.

PS: I always pretended you were there with me, by my side, my other half, my brother. Except when I was having sex of course that would have been very weird.

PPS: There are grammar mistakes, don’t roll your eyes too much or they will end up falling behind your eye socket.

To my darling little brother from Captain James Sparrow Croix (James Hamilton Jr).

#alexander hamilton #amrev #james hamilton #jameshamiltonjr #thomas jefferson #john laurens #eliza hamilton #hamilton fanfiction

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keepcalmandbrewtea · 2 years

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I'm greedy, hence 2 questions: 🎤fave line in a fic you wrote? 🎁 have a quote from a WIP?

Oh, dear... we start with the hard stuff... :-D

Fave line: obviously there are quite a lot, but I'll go with this one from Verdun: “The war was hardly started to botch your attempt to mend a broken heart, Erik. That would be quite egocentric of you to believe that, don’t you think?”

Blanchet is the first OC that I ever wrote and I'm quite proud of how it turned out. I wanted someone who could cover the role that is usually taken by Nadir, but who could offer a different and independent POV to Erik. By the time they have the "Christine convo" they've known each other for a year or so and they feel comfortable with each other, they like each other and but the cool thing is that if Blanchet tells the hard truth to Erik's face, Erik knows there is no hidden purpose or meaning behind it, no preconceived notion, no shared past... and that, perhaps, makes it easier for him to understand and accept.

Quote from a WIP: quite a longish (unedited) one... dedicated to an opera lover ;-)

Christine throws her entire soul into the character of Semiramide and Erik throws himself into the care of Christine. Once he would have criticized each note she sang. Now, her performance choices are all her own as he does everything he can to make sure she will not fall prey to any illness before the day of the performance – gargles with warm, salty water, constant hydration throughout the day and a spoon of honey before bedtime. Rest whenever she needs it and a warm shawl around her neck at all times.

His efforts are awarded when on January 5 the crowd at the opera theatre in Rome drowns the palace in wild applauses for the entire cast, and Christine is acclaimed as the new heroine of the city.

He looms in the dark, as he always has; he waits for the moment that she is alone in her dressing room, when the ritual line of adoring fans and less than recommendable but very wealthy patrons has expired, and he can claim her again as his own. She is sparks of joy and rays of light when he sees her at last. Her smile radiates a happiness so deep he cannot but be affected, seldom used muscles at the sides of his twisted mouth curving upwards in a rare display of elation. Her body melts into his when he encloses her in a breath-taking hug, lifts her and makes them both twirl on the spot.

#fic ask

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leelee120000 · 4 months

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Poppy Splits From Titanic Sinclair

January 19, 2020

Poppy, the artful and creepy experiential YouTuber turned musician has publicly split from her director, creative partner, and alleged boyfriend Titanic Sinclair. Poppy rose to mainstream internet fame around 2016 when PewDiePie reacted to her videos in a video of his own.

The task of explaining what exactly Poppy is a grueling one. She’s a character whose style was very innocent, kawaii and bubblegum pop until this year. Her videos feel hypnotic with their insanity.

Anything can happen, from 10 minutes of her literally only saying, “I’m Poppy” to her interviewing her best friend, a mannequin. Viewers can begin to see that the videos have a creepy under layer to them. Things seem off; numbers keep appearing, things glitch, and Poppy begins to sound like she’s crying for help. That’s where the fun of being a fan of Poppy begins, being able to theorize what’s happening, it’s exhilarating.

However, this is real. Moriah Rose Pereira, the actress who plays Poppy, is claiming Titanic Sinclair (Legal name: Corey Michael Mixter) has abused her, in a public statement made on Dec. 28, Poppy wrote, “I was a person who suffered similar wrongdoings as one of his former partners brought to light,” which, many have taken to be a direct comment on the 2018 Mars Argo lawsuit. Mars was Titanic’s former creative partner and girlfriend who sued him based on abuse and sued Poppy for copyright infringement.

The news was sparked by Poppy unfollowing Titanic on all social media a few days before the public statement, as fans became quick to run wild with conspiracy theories. Titanic later did the same, unfollowing and deleting every photo of Poppy.

Then on Dec. 7, 2019, Poppy removed the directing credits for Sinclair from many of her YouTube videos. Shortly after the deleting, rapper Ghostemane revealed that he and Poppy had begun a romantic relationship.

This Dec. 28, 2019 tweet shows three screenshots of Poppy’s Instagram story explaining the situation. (Twitter @poppy)

A transcript of the above screenshots:

“To whom it may concern,

I grappled with the thought of making this statement but I decided to set the record straight.

As some of you know, my former creative partner and I have parted ways. This was a long time coming but this is a person whom I defended in the past because I thought he was misunderstood. The reason I am making this statement is due to the amount of misinformation online about me and my character and I owe it to myself to clear a few things up.

I met this person at a young age and things were seemingly good for a while until echoes from his past were too loud to ignore.

I was never ‘an accomplice’ to this person’s past actions like some believe – I was a person who suffered similar wrong doings as one of his former partners brought to light.

This person glamorizes suicide and has used it many times in the past to manipulate me. And the last time I finally had enough.

As a grab for attention he messaged fans before he tried hanging himself while I was on tour with an item that belonged to me. These are tactics that he used for years. This person lives in an illusion that he is a gift to this Earth. He weaved himself into a storyline, wanting the public to believe he was a puppeteer, which is so far from the truth.

In light of recent events brought to my attention, he is already quick to jump in and use my former friends as his next experiment, repeating manipulative patterns he has for years.

I was trapped in a mess that I needed to dig my way out of – and like I always do, I figured out a way to handle it. I encourage those of you who feel trapped in a situation, whether it be similar to my previous one or not – to take the first step because that is the most difficult one.

This is not a request for sympathy and I am not a weak victim, but this is me setting the record straight.

I am happier than I have ever been and I am excited to move forward.”

Fans cheered on Poppy, starting the hashtag #TitanicSinclairIsOverParty in which they spread the word of her statement, showed support and admiration for her, and shared memes making fun of the alleged abuser.

People have criticized Poppy for victim-blaming Mars back in 2018, others have speculated that Titanic might have forced her to. Poppy’s tour is still on schedule and publically she seems to be fine.

LeAnne McPherson

#my writing #poppy #abuse

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arpov-blog-blog · 2 years

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Republican ex-congressman suggests colleagues ‘had serious cognitive issues’ | Books | The Guardian

..."After leaving Congress, Riggleman worked for the House January 6 committee, members of which were reportedly angered by his decision to publish a book.

Describing text messages surrendered to the committee by Mark Meadows, Donald Trump’s last chief of staff, Riggleman shows that on 5 November 2020, two days after election day and with the result not called, Gohmert touted his experience as an attorney and tried to join the White House team working to overturn Joe Biden’s win.

“I’m in DC,” Gohmert wrote to Meadows. “Thinking I’ll head to Philadelphia to fuss. Would love to be there … at [White House] to be ear for discussions and advice if asked. Handled massive fraud case vs Texas biggest utility … so some legal experience. May I come over?”

Meadows asked Gohmert to go on TV instead.

But Gohmert remained in Trump’s orbit. On 20 December, along with Scott Perry (Pennsylvania), Andy Biggs (Arizona), Jody Hice (Georgia), Matt Gaetz (Florida), Mo Brooks (Alabama) and Marjorie Taylor Greene (Georgia), he attended a White House meeting with Trump at which election subversion was discussed.

According to testimony to the January 6 committee, Gohmert, Gaetz, Brooks, Greene, Perry and Biggs asked for pardons before Trump left office."

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vdemon-weeb · 2 years

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Can't wait for USA to start bombing the shit out of Brazil because we're having a Nazi resurgence in the south states such as recently having a congressman go on a """free speech""" podcast and talk about how there should be a official Nazi political party.

Also, aren't the same people using denazification the same ones who just until January would shit their pants and get in a definition and empty moral fight about "punch a Nazi" platitudes and that Antifa calling themselves "anti fascist" doesn't mean they don't display or have authoritarian and negative behaviour associated with fascism? I'm just ranting at this point, but damn people really don't what their own principles and what to believe at this point eh?

I specifically wrote that post because of this.

Listen, I don't like Azov or similar formations, however their existence and what they're doing is Ukrainian problem. Not Russian. The only thing other countries have to do is to state their opinions or forbid certain organizations on their own territory - which Russian already did in the past.

Russia never cared about neonazis - their own or not. They are saying to themselves that "we defeated the Nazis", as if this makes them innocent and always right (btw, Soviet propaganda barely ever called them Nazis, only fascists - because how can socialists call their mortal enemies nationalist socialists? And Russia continued this tradition). They barely talk about horrors that Nazis committed, and when they do - only to say how they are good and heroic. WW2 for them is not a bloody massacre that took away millions of lives and changed the world and how it operates forever, for them it's a story about how good Russians (not mentioning that Red Army had people of various ethnicities, this was only remembered by authors who saw the war itself) saved the day and how the rest of the world in ungrateful to them.

Also, the post I linked. "Ukraine sided with axis".. Excuse me? Ukraine was a part of USSR as Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic. And Moscow let Nazis go wild on Ukrainian land, because of inadequate response to the invasion. Most of Ukrainian territory was occupied by Nazis, and they did whatever the fuck they wanted here, including burning down villages, murdering people, trafficking them to Germany (my own great grandmother had to fake being sick with syphilis and cover herself in bandages, so that German soldiers were too disgusted to verify, and this rendered her unfit for manual labor in Germany). I believe they are referring to UPA and Bandera, but for what I know history there is more complicated and there's actually a chance that they didn't side with Nazis, but I'll return to this topic when I'll do my research (and I don't have mental resources to dig it right now). And anyway, they were a relatively small group on the west of the country, that btw modern Russian propaganda doesn't even recognize as Ukraine, but as "Stalin's gifts to Ukraine".

Anyway, most of Ukrainians aren't Nazis, neo or not. Nationalists do have parties, but their support is so tiny that even united, they didn't get enough votes to get to parliament. And their existence, again, doesn't fucking justify what bullshit Russia is doing right now. As it was said, we elected a Jewish comedian as our president, and Russian propaganda calls him a Nazi.

What Russia tries to do now has nothing to do with fighting nazism anyway. They're doing good old imperialism, including "divide and conquer" part - that's why those so-called republics appeared in the first place, and Russia fueled that conflict for 8 years. And now they are aiming at destroying the government and putting there their own puppet president (Kadyrov, this terrorist with armed gangs, already asked Zelensky to step back and let "legit Ukrainian president Yanukovich" rule, you know, that one that has spent in Russia last 8 years and who asked back then for Russian military intervention). They did it with Georgia in 2008, same with Pridnestrovian Moldavian Republic. They want Ukraine to either be divided in a bunch of "republics" that only have humanitarian catastrophe and are completely dependent on Russia, or be a puppet state like Belarus now (fuck Lukashenko; btw, he also calls his political opponents nazis, including labeling own Belarusian flag that was official flag from 1991 to 1995, a nazi symbol... sounds familiar?). Putin is imperialistic madman.

Basically, I'm just really-really angry at those people. They suck imperial cock and call themselves anarchists, on top of that.

#ask #shoujoboy-restart #long post #fuck russia

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sroloc--elbisivni · 2 years

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Prompts open until 2022

I announced this on the last chapter of Definitionless in this strict atmosphere that went up today, (!!!!!!) but to say it again and for anyone here who likes my writing but doesn’t care about Transformers: **I am opening prompts until January 1, 2022. I will make an effort, within reason, to respond to any prompt I get for the rest of the year. **

They can be for scenes from another perspective, or missing scenes from, or future timestamps of fics I’ve already written. I’m even putting a moratorium on my no-responding-to-sequel-requests rule.

They can be for any fandom I’ve written for, or ones I haven’t but you know I know about.

They can be for ‘things I mentioned one time and never elaborated on’ or completely new ideas.

They can be for single words and a ship, song lyrics and a fandom, completely original snippets, character dynamics, whatever. Anything goes. If it really squicks me out, I just won’t fill it, but for pretty much any request (assuming good faith) I’ll give it a shot.

All I ask is that if I ask you to narrow something down, please do! otherwise I’ll take a wild guess, but I like specificity.

Why I’ve done this, gross sentimentality, and rambling personal crap under the cut.

The first and fastest reason is that I’m almost at 1000 followers, and I always meant to do some kind of prompt thing in celebration. Another reason is...so this is my wordcount on AO3 for 2021 as of finishing Definitionless.

For context, here are the previous three years

2020 includes the total word count of Universe Collision, which has been a work-in-progress since 2016. It’s 37k but only about 8k of that is from the last three years. I have literally written more this year than I have in the past three combined. This is your brain on Transformers, I guess!

Most of that is Definitionless, which is part of why I’m sentimental today, because that isn’t the first fic I wrote for Transformers but this--it was a big, long project that I started back in January and kept chipping away at a little bit at a time and now it’s done. That’s cool. I’m celebrating that.

The last reason...In 2019, my dad died.

I know. Subject change. I said I’d be getting grossly sentimental and this is part of why but it’s been over two years now and I still haven’t figured out how to explain that delicately. My dad died and I kept functioning outwardly like a person but I got kind of fucked up on grief for a while, enough that in 2020 when everything shut down and classes went online it honestly came as a relief. This is my context for I think the single most traumatic collective event of my generation: it was a relief.

In between these things, while behaving outwardly like a person, I tried to relearn how to behave inwardly like a person. How to keep my mental and emotional health and enjoyment of things ticking. A lot of that, for me, filters through fandom and online friends because these have been huge parts of my life since high school. So looking back, when I think of how I got briefly, wildly into the Penumbra podcast and started three fics only to realize now that I haven’t been able to touch the show in months and I don’t know if I’ll ever listen to it, because I was in such a painful place at the time I was first drawn to it, I can realize ‘oh. I was kind of fucked up.’ in a way I truly honestly wasn’t able to see at the time. Sometimes understanding your own pain is really counterproductive to surviving it. (I ran the stats on my own daily poems and the word ‘grief’ just...vanishes in 2020, before coming back in force this year. it’s kind of wild)

In late December, my friend Iz asked me if I’d join the D&D campaign she’d been running for a while. I went ‘sure, I’d love to, and also by the way, I’m really interested in playing as a character from your canonically post-apocalytic decaying world who’s lost everything for some reason.’ (At the time, if you’d asked me how I was doing, I would have said ‘oh, I’m fine’ and genuinely believed it.) Iz, you are a saint and a gift of a friend and the game you made was a lifeline for me. I don’t think I can say that enough.

About that same time, I finally gave these comics Steph had been telling me about for ages a shot and picked up MTMTE. I didn’t make it through on that first round, but I did watch the Bumblebee movie, and between those two things I got enough context that when someone on my dash started raving about astolat’s MegOp fic I went ‘hm’ and opened those. And then I read my way through a solid chunk of the archive. And eventually I went back to MTMTE and had Some Kind of Feelings.

In March or so, feministbatman who I was now playing D&D with and I started talking about our characters, and an AU where they had a different first meeting, and over the next four months we co-wrote a novella set in just that scenario. I wrote out a small percentage myself, but mostly I cheerled and edited and opined and generally just got the chance to remember: wow. I really like writing, actually. If you’re reading this: thank you, thank you, thank you.

Right after this is about when I got back into MTMTE. And watched TFP. And I kept reading a lot of transformers fic, and mentioned it to my friend Jess, who went ‘hey another friend is also telling me about transformers recently’ and then started playing in that space with me as I started to come up with ideas. and still hasn’t stopped, even though it’s been over a year of me sending her many stupid and silly ideas and fics in 400-word chunks over the course of weeks. Thanks. Thanks thanks thanks. I owe you so much.

I’m as stable and I’m happy as I am today because of dear friends, because of community, and because of the silly things I’ve done with words online. I want to celebrate that, and give back a little bit, and since the thing that I have fun contributing and that I think other people often have fun with from me is my writing, well...here you go. Ask away. I’ve been lucky enough to received a lot of joy from the people I’ve interacted with in the past couple of years, and I want to put some of that joy into the world.

And if you’ve ever clicked on something I’ve written because you wanted to see what it was, if you’ve ever liked a poem or fic I’ve posted, if you’ve ever taken that extra step to reach out and tell me ‘hey I liked what you made’--this is for you, in particular. Thank you all. Thank you so, so, much.

#sroloc babbles #personal crap

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kazqedglitzr · 2 years

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smiletrio exchange letter

helo. it me. the bean.

first of all you are so cool. who are you? idk. if ur in the smiletrio exchange ur so very cool. second of all here are some ideas 4 u !

1. mack janifold

its ME what did u expect. i love jamanifol i :emoji_69: him. rocketduo perhaps. or hotelduo if you want to write see exclamation mark jack. or fissionduo! with tubbo! idk i submitted a lot of potential jack manifold relationship tags and you may feel free to absolutely run wild with the possibilities. something i discussed with aug was “jack and niki were superheroes but it didn’t pay so now they’re villains”. well it was similar to that but also not because aug wanted to keep the actual idea. or perhaps... trans his gender? maybe cc!jack living with scott smajor hears one too many token cishet jokes and starts to Wonder? the possibilities. are endless. i love jack manifold. it’s jack manifold january, babey. (pleASE THE GIRLBOSS NIKI NIHACHU TAG IS ONE FIC AWAY FROM BEING CANONISED)

2. mmmbench of trio

now i love me some tommyinnit. but if we’re doing characters? tub all the way babey. ranboo? my BELOVED. what a guy. all this to say that if you want to write benchtrio i will be happy and i will pog and maybe i will champ too who’s to say. for these three uhhhhhhhh trans at LEAST one gender this does allow for the option of making them transmasc and changing absolutely nothing else about them. perhaps some hybridity but not wing tommy bc that’s so very thoroughly done. im thinking about that one anastasia au again. benchtrio have so much “the characters from anastasia” energy. maybe they’re pulling off the con of the century. they can do it i believe in them.

3. ccwilbur

do it. add another fic to the Autistic Wilbur Soot tag. you know you want to.

4. what if crumb was there,

and then there’d be one more person who didn’t use he/him pronouns (side note neo some pronouns when you’re writing what you write! or make like. ranboo a she/her boy! whatever u feel like! whatever vibes hit u! whatever floats ur gavle goat!) and i just. crumb. she is small and good and cat. :emoji_69: again. and her animations are pretty and i like her. she would be good with characters like tubbo and ranboo (rainbow<3) but she is also child of sparklez in the lore. cwumb

5. GRINE. boatem actually

season 8 of hermitcraft was only like 30 episodes long you could binge the whole thing and know exactly what the hell im talking about! grian mumbo pearl impulse scar. they live in a town with a giant hole in the bedrock and a totem pole made of boats on top and they are BEST FRIENDS. the apocalypse came early so they moved into the void last week. remember when i wrote that fic about grians baby dragon. yeah. i love them

bonus ideas

mianite. yall ever watch mianite? mianite.

i like. eret. theyre cool

i used to want to get Tommyinnit Crashes His Own Funeral (Video Blogging RPF) canonised because season 2 and 3 did me so dirty for that

dnw

dreamnotwoun[GUNSHOT]

uh. major death darkness and destruction. some angst is cool but id rather nobody gets hurt

the benchtrio polycule - its just not for me

the boatem polycule either, while we’re at it - if any hermitshipping, references to scarian or grian/mumbo would be fine, but not more

(honestly if you wanna include significant romance get fens to run it by me first)

wing boy innit like i said. UNLESS you write winginnit interacting with wing grian because they<3 (and that could be any-season grian if u do)

in conclusion

whatever u write i will probably anixPog and leave u comint and suchlike. have good day gamers :thumbsup:

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whatdoesshedotothem · 2 years

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Sunday 23 March 1834

8 20

12 25

rainy windy wild morning F49 ½° at 9 ½ am at which hour breakfast with Marian and staid talking till 11 – looking over Eugenie’s account – asleep - from 12 10 to 1 20 – read the service to my aunt and our 3 servants (except the litany) and sermon 23 volume II Mr Knight - my aunt not well enough to read the responses tho’ not poorly as last Sunday - came to my study at 1 50 from then to 6 10 reading 1 thing or other Hooper’s medical dictionary and read thro’

‘Observations on the pestilential cholera, (asphyxia pestilenta) as it appeared at Sunderland in the months of November and December 1831: and on the measures taken for its prevention and cure’ ‘En faire les moyens et non pas la fin de notre étude, et ainsi tâcher de les surpasser en les imitant’ – Pascal, de l’ Autorité en Matière de Philosophie, Art 1 p. 135. By William Ainsworth Esquire – member of the Royal college of surgeons, late senior president of the Royal physical and Plinian societies of Edinburgh etc etc, London Messrs. Ebers and co., old bond street 1832 printed ‘by J. Mayes, Castel street, Leicester Square, London 1 Volume 8vo pages 172 – 12 January 1834 - given by Miss Walker Sunday Dinner at 6 20 and coffee – at my desk again at 7 20 from then to 11 ¼ (except from 10 to 10 ¾ with my aunt pretty well this evening) wrote 3 pages and ends and close to M- an altered edition of my letter written on Tuesday in substance that I had more common sense than to sacrifice my happiness to the pomps and vanities of the world ‘Time hired another hand, not mine to tear away the fairy visions of youth; parsons and things had disappointed me too cruelly; and the stay my heart had fondly leaned on twenty years, was torn away, ere she, whom I had doted on so long, had ‘new lessons to learn’ to make me happy – I awaked as from a dream – the day of like far spent, and the structure of happiness to begin anew - at 1st, I could scarce persuade myself the change was real; and my heart fainted beneath the burden of its sorrow - but vigorous effort, aided by that best belief that providence makes all things work together for good, enabled me to reason more and more calmly; the bitterness of feelings passed away, and, as I told you at Leamington, I only hoped that, in common charity, you would never from thoughtlessness, or ignorance, or another cause whatever, inflict again such desolating disappointment -you cannot possibly doubt my regard, my deeply heartfelt interest in your welfare - I am, at least, your friend, a tried, and steady one; and my feelings overcome me as I earnestly entreat you to remember, that the bane of happiness is the want of confidence - would the new lesson be an easy one, to teach me how to trust again? But you are whose faith is still unshaken - your way is, therefore, smooth and easy - go on in it cheerfully - enjoy, as you deserve to do, the nameless pleasure of doing good, and hope, and believe with me, that we may still live to see each other happy - you know the pain it would give me to do anything, you had reason to disapprove or dislike; but if you see me as happy as I myself aspire to be, I am sure you will rejoice and be satisfied – the prospect is as fair as such prospects are in general - But I shall be able to give you a more distinct answer by and by - wrote the last 22 lines till 11 35 - very windy, rainy, stormy day and night till now 11 35 at which hour F51 ½° - conclude with God bless you my dearest Mary ever very especially yours AL this letter and the last left out the entirely.

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swiftgronmasterpost · 4 years

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Spring/Summer/Fall 2013 - The End(?)

Click here for an appropriately sad Swiftgron breakup playlist.

I don’t know if it’s important or not but Dianna wishes several friends a late happy birthday on twitter, apologizing for missing the actual day through this spring and summer. It seems like maybe she’s going through something (like a bad break up?) because it’s not like her to miss friends’ birthdays.

March 26, 2013 - Maybe a relevant tweet?

April 7, 2013 - Dianna tweets a photo of James Dean in a day dream like setting:

April 16, 2013 - The article that outed them:

Someone made a fake article that said Swiftgron was dating:

Dianna tweets seven times that day which is a bit much for her.

The hashtag here stands out to me:

The fake article goes viral and all week people are tweeting about the possibility that Dianna and Taylor are dating.

April 23, 2012

It seems to culminate on this day. Many people are buzzing about Swiftgron and this actress tweets:

That’s right at midnight.

About 12 hours later Dianna deletes her public Tumblr:

On that same day Dianna reblogs several things on her private Tumblr. These two stand out to me:

She reblogged both of these posts and the only hashtag they had in common was “#lost love” - she was searching that hashtag.

I think it’s very clear that today is the day Swiftgron 2.0 broke up. I believe they were forced to by their management teams due to being outed.

April 24, 2013 - Taylor seems regretful/stressed out she screenshots her text to Austin and posts:

I think Dianna’s obviously upset about this and as an act of defiance she tweets at Taylor a few days later (Taylor does not respond.)

April 29, 2013

Instead Taylor posts on Dianna’s Birthday (April 30) a silly google search (very DIanna in nature tbh) with a play on the lyrics from 22:

Taylor had the week of Dianna’s 27th birthday off of the Red tour (it was scheduled like that) but as far as we know they did not hang out.

May 4, 2013 - Ours

At her first show since their supposed break-up, Taylor performs Ours as a surprise song. She introduces it by saying: “This is a song about how, when you fall in love everybody starts to give you their opinion. I imagine it could be really hard to make a relationship last, I wouldn’t know. But, given that everyone is giving you their own opinion about it, I think that the only opinion you should really listen to is yours and if you love that person, that should be all that matters.”

youtube

Dianna dyes her hair brown and goes to Morocco a week later with Ashley (”You searched the world for something else, To make you feel like what we had”) from about May 11 - May 14 or 15. While there she attends the A Small World relaunch. ASW could be viewed as a bit “sketchy” if you will. I think this is where she befriends Olivia Wilde.

This is Dianna’s first (known) trip to Morocco (Derek Blasberg is there too) but she seems to be drawn there over and over again after this, even marrying Winston Marshall there (and possibly meeting another boyfriend, Gus Wenner there.)

May 19, 2013 - Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas

Taylor wins 8 awards and says this during her acceptance speech:

This and the performance of Ours makes me think Taylor is bitter about a break up right now, even though publicly she broke up with Harry back in January.

This is also the event where Taylor is famously grossed out by Justin and Selena’s hetero nonsense and does this:

It seems like as always, Taylor has a lot going on right now...some kind of drama with Justin is boiling but it’s possible she’s also referencing her breakup with Dianna in her acceptance speech.

Dianna pops back up in NYC.

May 20, 2013 - WLW icon Kristen Stewart apparently spends the night at Taylors?

May 28, 2013 - Taylor plays Haunted on the Red Tour and gives a speech:

"This is a song that I haven't played on this tour so far. It came up when one of my friends tweeted the lyrics to it today and it reminded me that I haven't played this song in about two years. It has to do with the fact that, you know people talk about ghosts all the time. You just kind of imagine it being this supernatural thing, but there's another kind of ghost and it's just a person who is out there walking in the world or just doesn't love you anymore and that's a whole different kind of being haunted." Seems like she’s really going through it.

July 2, 2013 - Anniversary of Hyannis Port trip and interesting private Tumblr post from Dianna:

Bad things happen this summer. Cory Monteith passes away and Taylor is assaulted at a meet and greet by a DJ.

July 2013 - Dianna buys a house in LA (I Wish You Would)

August 2013 - Dianna’s whosirmesir moniker gets outed and she stops blogging under that tumblr account.

August 14, 2013 - Taylor is in a weird place according to the Lover diaries:

1. she seems to have basically written The Lakes here

2. she’s really harping on themes she ends up addressing in I Know Places, Out of the Woods, and Wonderland

August 29, 2013 - Dianna steps out with restaurateur Nick Mathers.

Not sure what to make of this one. Dianna seems to date two types of men: 1. teeny bopper actors for bearding and pr purposes (it generally seems) and 2. rich businessmen. Nick is type 2, but their relationship is reported on as if it’s PR. “Sources” call up gossip sites to fill them in on the relationship and both their projects get plugged along with announcements on them as a couple:

I don’t know if they were more or less legit but she goes out with Taylor five days later...

September 4, 2013 - The Fun! Concert:

Swiftgron’s last pre-Kaylor public sighting - they go to a Fun! concert in LA

It’s just a split instant of video footage but Sarah Hyland uploads this to Vine and it does not look like Dianna is enjoying herself:

Note: It kind of looks like DIanna has her arm around Taylor’s waist and also the person to the right of Taylor is Selby Drummond who is still friends with DIanna as of writing of this masterpost (December 2020) and who still appears to be a fan of Taylor’s.

Dianna does look miserable but I do think it’s interesting they seem to be making an effort to hang out on the two year anniversary of their public (perhaps private as well) first meeting.

Dianna tweets about the concert the next day:

September 6, 2013 - Taylor plays Speak Now as the surprise song on the Red tour. Interesting given the timing of Dianna and her new boyfriend being public just one week before this.

September 8, 2013 - Taylor plays Sad, Beautiful Tragic for the first time ever live and gives this speech:

"I kind of feel like playing a song I've never ever played live before. This is um a song that I wrote about how you know just because something's over doesn't mean it wasn't incredibly beautiful. Cause another lesson I've learned is not all stories have a happy ending and you have to learn how to deal with that. So this is a song about a story that didn't end so happily but was still supposed to happen. This is called Sad, Beautiful, Tragic."

I don’t think this song was originally written about Dianna but I do think at this time while they stumble through the last phase of their relationship Taylor was inspired to sing it.

October 2013 - Taylor writes I Wish You Would, a song inspired by an ex who had recently bought a house near her driving past her house. It’s thought to be about Harry but Harry didn’t buy a house in LA until March 2014. But of course we know Dianna did buy a house near Taylor’s in LA earlier this fall.

November 11, 2013 - The music video for “She’s Just Another Girl” premiers starring Dianna looking stunning in high fashion drag, dressed up as the lead singer, and lip syncing the words to the song:

Some lyrics to the song include:

All of my friends say I should move on She's just another girl, don't let her stick it to your heart so hard And all of my friends say it wasn't meant to be And it's a great big world, she's just another girl

I could be reeling them in left and right Something's got a hold on me, tonight Well maybe all of my friends should confront The fact that I don't want another girl

I think it’s at least possible that Dianna was drawn to this project because the lyrics resonated to her given what she was going through with Taylor at the time.

November 12, 2013 - Day of Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show rehearsals and Dianna posts this (now deleted) picture:

November 13, 2013 - Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show where Taylor performs and Karlie Kloss walks the runway.

Dianna posts this picture (now deleted) of her at Emma Stone’s birthday party from 11 months previous:

It’s likely she’s looking at Taylor in this photo who was seated across from her.

It’s a very random picture to post. It wasn’t titled as a throwback and it wasn’t an exact year after the picture was taken (prompting some kind of happy birthday shout out to Emma Stone or anything) - just a random picture of Dianna smiling, likely at Taylor.

November 17, 2013 - Dianna posts a (now deleted) photo about missing someone:

November 21, 2013 - Taylor posts lyrics from a hopeful love song about a troubled relationship:

Lyrics:

December 9, 2013 - Dianna listens to Pale Blue Eyes

Lyrics are about being emo over a lost love with Blue Eyes:

Sometimes I feel so happy Sometimes I feel so sad Sometimes I feel so happy But mostly you just make me mad Baby, you just make me madLinger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyes

Thought of you as my mountaintop Thought of you as my peak Thought of you as everything I've had, but couldn't keep I've had, but couldn't keep

Linger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyes

If I could make the world as pure And strange as what I see I'd put you in the mirror I put in front of me I put in front of meLinger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyes

Skip a life completely Stuff it in a cup She said, "Money is like us in time It lies, but can't stand up" Down for you is upLinger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyesIt was good what we did yesterday And I'd do it once again The fact that you are married Only proves you're my best friend But it's truly, truly a sinLinger on your pale blue eyes Linger on your pale blue eyes

December 11, 2013 - You know the drill...Dianna posts a now deleted photo to Instagram:

December 13, 2013 - Dianna posts an attention grabbing photo on Taylor’s Birthday

Conclusions - Swiftgron very clearly goes through a rough breakup due to being outed.

Then they attempt some sort of reconciliation - even hanging out (date night?) on the second anniversary of their Fairfax Flea Market meetcute, but it goes wrong.

Taylor is on tour for much of this time and Dianna is posting angst ridden and peculiar Instagram posts exactly at the time Taylor meets Karlie.

Click here to keep reading!

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