#I wrote a thesis on that one back in uni
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hiiiii so have you heard about astarion actually having DID? (dissociative identity disorder in case you don't kno) ive seen that a few times on tiktok now and i thought i finna ask you about it because that shiz is wiiild to me. like girl wtf.
TW: Dissociative Identity Disorder
He's got...what. Just what.
What in the world is TikTok cooking up now? Like, what in the world? I myself don't use TikTok, so I've never heard this before but damn. Damn.
Flower, I'm not gonna lie, this confuses me more than the 'his crying is a sign that not ascending is the bad choice'. Because this? This is wild, you're so right. This is more than wild, this is the wildest shit.
DID is such a highly specific disorder, why would anyone get the idea Astarion could have that?
(Once again, I'm not standing in the way of anyones headcanons, play around as you like, but heavens, no. I don't see that at all.)
Over the entire game, I haven't seen a singular sign that could point towards DID. And yes, sure, one could say 'well Alters are meant to protect the system to the shift is not obvious so Astarion's alter called Astorian could just be hiding it really well' which...yeah, okay, that's true I'll hand them that but there's other signs apart from the shifting alters that Astarion simply doesn't display.
He might have some common comorbidities, but if we go just by that he could have pretty much any other disorder known to man because so so many of them come with the same comorbidities. That is why diagnosing people accurately is so difficult.
Also - DID is developed in early childhood. Mostly in children before the age of nine who experienced extreme trauma. And yes, while Astarion WAS abused and his abuse would definitely be enough for that, he wasn't a child. I mean, come on, he was 36. And yes, that is young for elves but it's still a blown arse adult. It just doesn't make sense.
And, can I just step away from my social worker self and into my writer self for a hot second? I usually try not to, but it's necessary here.
Astarion's trauma and the resulting behavioural patterns exist to add complexity and depth to his character. They are devices used so that he isn't just the campy cunty vampire. We are supposed to see his layers, to see that he is more than just the rude pretty boy. We are supposed to make connections between his behaviour and how Cazador treated him, which is why his behaviour is as obvious and textbook as it is.
It's a glaring neon sign made for us so that we understand the character and endear him to us.
That is why they are there.
Anything used in a story is there for a reason. Everything is used to drive the story forward and carry it into the authors chosen direction. It would make absolutely zero sense to give Astarion a disorder as rare, as misunderstood and as interesting as DID and not mention it. That would be so. much. wasted story telling potential.
It just doesn't make sense, absolutely not.
And I'm not saying DID wouldn't make for an interesting story - quite the opposite. I think the community could thrive on some destigmatisation because all the DID characters I've ever seen were crazily homicidal maniacs and it'd be nice to see a character that is displaying DID in the proper way, but Astarion simply isn't it.
He really really isn't.
TikTok is throwing around wild theories every day it seems, I'm really truly baffled!
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate#baldurs gate#astarion#astarion ancunin#the dark urge#DID#dissociative identity disorder#I wrote a thesis on that one back in uni#such an interesting topic really really interesting#but also wtf
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i'm almost three (3) weeks behind deadline, oh well, how did that happen
#i'll tell you how it happened i had exams and didn't know how to start writing#tbh this far my thesis is mostly hot garbage#as it should be#hopefully my uni staff is used to letting people who wrote hot garbage graduate#also my references are 75% from that one magasine for teachers because i suck i finding resources#feels illegal hopefully it isn't since there are different authors??#anyways back to writing#hopefully you're doing better#uni#university
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when not in rome.
a @lilystyles blurb!
my masterlist & no strings attached masterlist & blurbs masterlist
authors note idk this was a random thing i wrote at 2AM because i just missed them, i am still working on style so don't worry that should be out soon. also this is set way before no strings, i love writing about them in their previous moments!
brief description harry surprises y/n at her graduation (also listen to love of my life by h whilst readinggg)
warnings! angsty? fluffy? drunk y/n and harry (2.1k)
younger!lhh!nostrings!h x reader
* * * * *
SIX YEARS BEFORE
University has a funny way of making you feel like you might never cross the finish line. Y/n like everyone else had multiple days where she would just sob and scream from the stress of it all. Exams were totally a torture device.
When Y/n graduated with her first degree before deciding to write her thesis Harry surprised her.
He’d been touring the world with One Direction for months now and she hadn’t seen him since Paris the year before, when he’d surprised her by flying her to join them in their Paris show and they’d had a wild few drunken nights that she felt blurred the lines of friendship into something more.
But after their few days, when the champagne ran out, and she came back home, she sobered and realised that nothing would ever happen between them. And if you spent a few nights with Harry in a limo drinking champagne and dealing with his wandering hands you too would fall for him. Just a bit. It's only natural.
She missed him, though, loads. He was one of her best friends after all.
Around a month ago they phoned each other, it was late for her and the morning for him, she’d been studying and they talked for hours catching up till the sky turned bright for her and her eyes drooped shut. The time between their phone calls had grown longer and longer now, and she missed him. She’d mentioned that she was graduating soon and that they were both supposed to be graduating if he’d stayed in Uni. She remembers them staying up late at parties discussing their futures and how post-graduation Harry was insistent that they’d still be roommates. She realised now that their dream definitely wasn’t a possibility anymore.
He’d told her that instead of being there graduating like they’d suspected he was going to be, he was in Rome at some fashion show gala thing, and his date was this sexy model named Rosalie who had her sex tape leaked a couple of months ago. She was happy for him, but a part of her couldn’t help but be disappointed. She felt like he was drifting away from her every day, but she couldn’t find in herself to be cross with him. He was swept up by the fame of it all, and how on earth could she be mad that he was literally a rockstar? She knew that he was still Harry and she was still Y/n but they weren’t Harry and Y/n anymore. Not like before.
And honestly, she’d probably leave everything and everyone behind, party all night, and sleep with sexy models too if she had the chance to be famous. But she couldn’t sing for shit. So instead she did what she was doing, and shoved her nose in a book rather than in lines off a bathroom sink, and she was rather content with the peacefulness of it all.
All thoughts of Harry were swept away from her mind when she walked across the stage in the grande hall. She was finally graduating! Thank god! She thought. She had a sash that showed she was an honours student, and she was blooming with pride, when they called her name her list of achievements was longer than the four painful years she’d spent studying in their grande libraries. She was so glad to shake the hand of one of her favourite professors and leave, the next year ahead she planned to travel and work overseas, she was excited about that.
But honestly, she was even more excited to get absolutely shit-faced at the graduation after-ball party. She found herself a few pints down, sitting by the edge of one of the fountains, when she nearly fell in at the absolutely shocking sight in front of her.
There was just no way it could be true. I mean he was in Rome, and she was drunk in London. She’d seen photos on her Twitter of him wrapping his tattooed arms around that Rosalie model girl, so how could he be here in London just like that? It was not real, surely. She must be hallucinating and the second-hand smoke of all the spliffs had finally got to her brain. But suddenly the man turned around and Jesus Christ it was him. It was Harry. His eyes were pinched as he searched the crowd and when he finally saw her they lit up, all green like a forest, and his mouth kicked up into that devilish grin of his.
He saw her dumb-struck expression and laughed softly walking toward his best friend. He was dressed in a suit jacket like everyone else, and since they were all drunk none of them noticed it was the Harry Styles of the One Direction AKA the biggest band in the world. To them, he was just some random twat who just graduated too.
His hair had grown all long and curly, and he just looked so much more like a man than when he’d left. Had he gotten taller? More strong? The arms of his jacket strained and Y/n sighed at the sight of him.
She didn't think she'd changed much, but Harry thought she looked even more beautiful than before, if possible.
When he stood right in front of her, her mouth was still wide in utter shock. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
He laughed. “Is that all you hafta’ say? Come on, hug your best friend!”
She sprang up from her seat and the silky long dress, which was a teal blue colour. All smooth and tight on her skin was hiked up slightly. Her gown and cap were long gone, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and shoulders. He lifted her up off the floor and spun them around.
She smelt like peaches and sweetness, and God, he could've stayed holding her for weeks.
She giggled and felt her face hurt from smiling so big. “Oh my God, I can’t believe you!”
When he placed her down, his hands did not leave the curve of her waist. “Surprise, babe.”
“What the- shit- I thought you were in Rome! How’d you even get here?” She asked
He smiled. “I was, got a flight this afternoon. It was the only one coming home, sorry for missing the graduation part.”
She just smiled up at him. “You’re crazy.”
He shook his head landing a hand on her shoulder. “I knew how important it was to you, and I missed you. Sue me.”
She laughed, eyes welling with slight tears. Maybe he wasn’t drifting too far from her after all. “Oh, god, don’t make me cry, you know how I get after a few pints, H.”
He laughed, arms outstretched for her to cuddle him. “Aw, pet, c’mere.”
She smacked his chest playfully but cuddled him nonetheless. “Let’s go get royally fucked, mate,” She whispered and they pulled apart, hands interlocking as she lead him off to one of the pubs where everyone was buying drinks.
It was called The Ducks Nuts.
A few of her mates were inside. Ones Harry didn’t know, but she’d already spent a good portion of the night with them. So she told them her old friend had surprised her and they’d be here and there.
Harry ordered them some shots and eventually the night was just a blur of hands touching each other, as they got so drunk Y/n felt her world spinning. They’d hopped around multiple different pubs and bars and Y/n was so tired. Her heels itched her feet with pain and she ripped them off, along with her bag. As they walked with little purpose she threw her things at him and began to dance in the middle of the road.
Harry was holding her things as she danced in the street showing her best Elton John impression, and he silently decided that was what made her so perfect. She was just herself. And he loved that about her, he loved everything about her.
He laughed and told her what a realistic impression it was, and how they’d met at some award show to back up that comment. She was infinitely jealous, she loved Elton.
On her way back toward him she landed in his arms after losing her footing he shook his head at her.
“You are very drunk, Lovie. Aren't ya'?" He said, in a soft tone one that made her tummy turn in flips.
She sighed as they walked in a direction with no destination in mind. “You aren’t drunk enough, you need to get on my level.”
He noticed her shiver under his arm and quickly ripped his coat off. It swallowed her form and she smiled gratefully hugging the coat around herself. It felt like a warm embrace, and that smell filled her nose and suddenly she was home in her old flat with him, home in Holmes Chapel, home with him. Just home.
“Smells good.” She giggled as she sniffed the shoulder pad, her cheek brushing against the soft material all dog-like. “N’ soft too.”
“Why thanks, it’s Gucci.” He replied.
She rolled her eyes. “Come on then, money-bags, let’s get you as drunk as me.”
They strolled into a tavern near her flat and drank so much tequila that they had to practically carry each other home.
As Harry looked up at the stars and moon, feeling the cool air nip her skin he sighed. He hadn’t gotten this drunk, and been this happy in such a long time. He was giggling contently, as she leaned into him and he silently wished that the night would never end.
He never wanted his time with her to end either. He loved spending time with her, whether they were on an adventure or doing nothing at all. Y/n made it worthwhile.
When they reached the shitbox of a flat she lived in Harry followed calmly behind her, and when one of her neighbours spat a comment about drunken youths he sighed, “I wish you would’ve taken up my offer,”
She looked up at him as she played with the jammy door that never seemed to open on the first try. Shoving her shoulder into it as she managed to finally wedge it open, stumbling inside ungracefully.
And with a roll of her eyes, she ushered him inside. “There is zero chance I’d let my all-of-sudden bazillionaire rockstar friend buy me a flat, just cause he can afford shoes worth more than my entire life savings. Anyway, how could I ever pay it back? I have two p to my name and a packet of noodles in my possessions, Harry.”
He laughed. “Think of it as a graduation present then,”
She sighed. “Just shut up and sit down, and I’ll get some wine.”
It was almost 4AM now, and neither cared. They were beyond drunk, but Y/n missed him and if force-feeding him wine would get him to spend a whole 24 hours with her, she totally would.
When she sat down with two mugs spilling with a cherry red wine, that was the cheapest shit she’d ever bought, Harry laughed. Her wobbly legs forced her to land awkwardly on one thigh practically on top of his. He smiled, one that showed his kind eyes.
Green pools of emerald she wished to swim in for eternity. She laughed at the thought, she really got poetic when she was drunk, huh?
“God, remind me to get you drunk more often.” He whispered.
She sighed. “Oh shut up, and fill me in on life then. Who are you shagging?”
He looked at her pointedly. “Who are you shagging?”
A blush crept up her neck, and suddenly the only secret she had kept from him was threatening to slip past her drunken red-stained lips.
“None of your business, but there’s this hot guy in my physics who I would totally shag,”
He laughed, but underneath it, he felt a jealousy creep up his spine, he knew he had no right since he’d been balls deep in two Italian models this morning, turns out threesomes are a really good cure for hangovers by the way. But despite that, he felt an itch he couldn’t scratch that resembled something pretty close to jealousy.
“What’s he like?” Harry asked.
She shrugged. “Dunno, tall, glasses, got that whole nerdy silent thing going for him.”
“That’s what you like then, silent types?” He asked, running a hand through his long curls, and she reached out to play with one.
She shook her head, and said distractedly, “I don’t know.”
“Makes sense why you never dated me then.”
During primary school, Harry dated every girl in their class including Daisy and Penny, except Y/n who told him she didn’t fancy him. It was an ongoing topic of discussion between them. Why wasn't he good enough? He always asked.
She laughed at that comment. “I know you too well for that, and I get the unfiltered you, and I lived with you which was basically like being married to you. We bickered too much to ever date, Haz.”
He looked at her with hooded eyes, and for some reason that stung, but trying to be light-hearted he said. “Never say never, what if we needed to repopulate the earth?”
She looked over at him and placed a hand on his and kissed his cheek, all soft and slow, and for a moment he thought she might actually kiss him for real but instead, she said. “There’ll be no hope for humanity then.”
He sighed, fake pouting before a couple of minutes of silence passed and he turned to her and said. “Come with me to Brazil.”
Her eyes widened, “What?"
“I leave tomorrow night, come with me.” He said.
She frowned. “What? Come with you? You can't be serious.”
He nodded. “Please? I miss you! And we can party for a whole week together, or sleep, or do whatever the fuck you want! Just come, pack a bikini and something sparkly, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
Y/n and Harry did end up going to Brazil but that’s a story for another time.
She stood up from the couch holding her hand out to him, and he slid his into hers. Cool rings grazing the soft skin of her palm.
“Let’s just go to sleep, you're talking like a crazy person.” She said, softly pushing a lock of his hair away from his eyes.
He sighed at her, “But m’ serious, Love.”
“Alright, ask me again tomorrow. That is if you even remember...now come on, let’s listen to Fleetwood Mac and sleep until tomorrow evening.”
Y/n's room was cosy and welcoming. Harry felt his eyes droop at the sight. A tiny lamp shining over them in an orange glow, her cot-like bed covered in blankets and the scent of her likely covering those sheets.
That night they slept in Y/n’s twin bed, cuddling, with Stevie Nicks serenading them to sleep. Cheeks plump and pink from too much alcohol, hands wandering scandalously, and the love in air was thick and obvious.
Before Y/n fell asleep she pecked his lips, in a quick kiss, one that it barely even touched him and said, “Night, mate,”
His lips burned like wildfire, and from that night on, he did think humanity had a chance if it was up to them. Whether or not she believed that.
“Night, Love.”
i have been a bit slack with updates lately...second year of uni is crazy and im already soooo busy, but i missed them and i wanted to write a lil sum for y'all until my next proper update :) BIG LOVEEEE
#nostringsattachedblurbs#nostringsattachedseriesbylilystyles#harry styles#harry styles smut#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#harry styles angst#harry styles x reader smut#lilystyles#harrystylesseries#childhood best friend to strangers to fwb to lovers#nostrings!H#blurb#longhairharry#my love#them
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foolish one (stop checking your mailbox) | joshua hong
fluff, slightly suggestive | 1154 words | some cursing
a/n: wifey @bluehoodiewoozi: "if you write me an encouraging boyfriend shua x burnt out uni student y/n fic, i'll be the happiest woman on earth" except I wrote none of that :D
The university has dedicated study rooms all around campus, providing a conducive space for students to catch up on their coursework, computer work, or reading. It’s a great place to comfortably work on thesis papers without the stuffy silence of the library, or the rowdiness of the campus courtyard. It is not, unfortunately, a good place to audibly express disappointment every 10 minutes.
Joshua can’t take it anymore. How many times does he have to watch you check your phone whenever a notification pops up, how many times does that hopeful look on your face morph into disappointment when it was just another push-ad from a shopping app?
He’s just about had it when you let out an audible sigh for the nth time, once again disrupting your supposedly productive study session. And so he bites the bullet, hoping that whatever it is that is distracting you from completing that dreaded thesis is worth all the sighing for.
“What are you waiting for?”
“Huh?” You look up from the laptop, annoyed that he distracted you just as you were about to concentrate.
Right on cue your phone lights up. He snatches the phone faster than you could reach for– it prompts a disgruntled “Shua no!” out of you. Joshua gives the notification a once over before he places the phone screen-up, crossing his arms.
“You can’t possibly be waiting for–” He squints at the screen, reading out the pop-up banner. “ ‘60% off your next coffee’– Oh… That’s a really good deal.” He looks back up at you, watching as you sink back into your seat at the announcement. “Anyways, you’re clearly not waiting for the coffee. Spill.”
A minute of silence passes as Joshua watches you gape like a fish, mouth opening and closing but unable to find the right words to convey your current dilemma.
“...It’s Lucas–“
“You’re still talking to him?!” His disrupted yell earns him multiple death stares from others in the study room.
You wince at his outburst, but you know it comes from a good place. Lucas, despite being known as the worst frat boy to come out of this university, is also the smoothest talker; somehow, he manages to get every girl on campus swooning at his feet. Joshua personally thinks he’s just a load of bullshit, that you could do better than that walking STD stick. Still, he sighs when he sees your downcast look, staring blankly ahead at your dimmed laptop screen.
“Y/n, he’s a player. You got a taste of his dick once and it was good, sure, but you didn’t mean anything to him. I’m serious!”
You hate the connotation that came with his words– it felt like he was calling you a whore. Your brows furrow deeper. You know he didn’t mean to, but it still sounds like that, and it still hurts.
He realises his mistake almost immediately because as soon as those words come out, he backpedals on them so fast.
“No wait, I– I didn’t mean–” He’s instantly shut down by you, cutting through him like a knife.
You avoid looking straight into Joshua’s eyes, fighting the magnetic pull towards his chocolate eyes. Your next words are soft enough that he has to strain his ears to pick them up. “He isn’t like that though. He said what we had was different! He said I was special, that–“
“That no other girl could compare to you? Y/n, he says that to everyone!” Joshua’s exasperated. His heart breaks a little when he spots how glassy your eyes have become, but he presses on, wanting to tell you the hard truth. “Do you know what he does back at the frat house? He marches around, boasting about how many he’s slept with and what they’re like in bed. He shares those stories like some kind of sick trophy. He’s a disgusting, sorry excuse of a man!”
Joshua leans forward across the table, engulfing your small hands with his. He rubs the back of your hands with his thumbs, trying to comfort you when notices silent tears running down your face.
“No…” You hiccup, trying to get your words across your sniffles. “I swear, I can change him!” Even you know how ridiculous you sound; there's no changing a fratboy so set in his ways like Lucas. You slump over your laptop, begrudgingly wallowing over your words. You sigh. It’s impossible. You’re just a hopeless romantic chasing after the affections of a man who gave you an ounce of attention.
“I really thought he was gonna be the one, Shua.”
“There, there. You could do so much better and you know it. Don’t be so foolish!”
“Like who?!” You can’t help but snap at him. You’re desperate, of course; trying to shield your already humiliated and broken heart from his harsh (albeit truthful) words.
His voice drops to a whisper.
“Like me?”
His grip on you hardens. There’s determination and endearment directed straight at you, that you’ve never noticed before, pouring through his eyes. He gulps; his biggest secret is out. The long-time crush he’s been harbouring on you is now public– to you, at least.
“I can treat you better.” He reaches out to wipe a tear from your cheek, gently caressing your cheek with his thumb.
You sigh. You’re doing a lot of that today; it's becoming a bit pathetic. “Shua, I'm not in the mood for you joking–”
“I’m not! Hell, I’m already letting you wear my jacket!” He tries to be serious, gesturing to the oversized jacket he lent you earlier, that envelops you around your shoulders.
He heaves a sigh of relief when you let out a chuckle. His large hands find yours again. You feel yourself calming down, but your cheeks still heat up from his sudden proximity.
You cock your head to the side. “Why didn’t you say anything before? I mean–” You gesture to the space between you. “Before all this?”
“Because you looked so happy, and I was afraid of ruining it all.” A shy smile graces his face. “Let me make up for it, please?”
You hold your stare, making him wait in anticipation. Finally, releasing a breath you didn’t know you were holding, you reply.
“Buy me lunch, and I’ll think about it.”
“Lunch? Yeah, I can do that.” He can’t help but full-on grin at you. Standing up to gather his things, he extends a hand to pull you up. Ever the gentleman, you think.
“Lucas was pretty good in bed though. Think you can one-up that?” You joke.
Joshua pulls you into his chest, one arm wrapping around you while the other picks up your bag. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll show you an even better time later.”
“Later…?” Your voice trails as you let him whisk you away for lunch. He wiggles his brows at you, mischievous demeanour unveiling.
And so, your thesis remains incomplete yet another day.
#joshua fluff#seventeen fluff#joshua hong fluff#hong jisoo#seventeen#svt#svt fluff#seventeen scenarios#joshua#joshua hong#˙✧˖° aiyu writes ༘ ⋆｡˚#˗ˏˋ avy! ˎˊ˗
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HIII, PHONOLOGY HERE !!! in all truth i dont blame u, i was really tired from uni when i wrote that, lmao.
okey so, like misunderstabding in the way he hasnt told hiro and aunt cass and reader thibks its bc tadashi thinks they wont last or is ashamed of her when in reality is just that he is very nervous and never finds the perfect ocassion
Normal Girl pt. 1
Hey pookie! This took forever but I realized midway through I needed to split it into three parts. Thanks for the request this was fun to make.
You wish you could lay here forever. It was raining and your puffy sheets were cold which would have bothered you if not for the warm body you were resting on top of. Tadashi had been under a great amount of stress. He wanted his doctor title and was the youngest candidate going for it. In order to do that he needed a dissertation of roughly 100-450 pages to defend in front of an academic jury. The paper was done, thank goodness. But he still needed to defend it and even then they could deny him his phD. If he’d spent his week trying to prepare for his defense he’d drive himself insane. So instead, he spent all his time with you. Watching movies, sleeping in, staying up, doing mundane tasks and trying to relax as much as possible before his defense. You’ve never had to refill your anti-stress tea collection and melatonin gummies in one week before.
But the defense was tomorrow and he desperately needed to calm himself. So he went through his presentation twice and then zipped it away in a separate backpack. You pressed your ear to his chest and listened to his breathing and muffled heartbeat. The patterning of the rain on the window going through one ear and the opening and closing of your boyfriend's valves pumping blood through his body in the other.
“I never want to get up.” You admitted.
Tadashi responded sleepily, “I know.” With his eyes shut. Gosh his eyelashes were so long.
“What time is your hearing tomorrow?” You brought your hand up to his face and started caressing it. All the prep work he was doing to defend his thesis had resulted in a lack of care for personal upkeep. He’d started growing stubble (which you found very attractive) but eventually had you help him shave it off to look presentable for his defense. (Something you were clearly upset about)
“10 a.m, I have to be there like two hours early though.”
You just hummed in response and continued to lay in his bare chest in silence. You’d gotten to the point where you could just be together like that without it being inherently sexual. On your nightstand, your phone buzzes and vibrates through the wood. When you checked, it was your mom. She sent you a photo of a four leaf clover she found in her garden with the text: Look what I found!
You knew she was wishing Tadashi good luck. Once while visiting her he’d let it slip that he wanted to be Dr. Hamada , and your mom actually squealed. She’d known him as long as you two had been together and she’d rather make sure he was fed before you were. She was proud of him.
“Look what my mom sent.” You smiled, pointing the phone towards your boyfriend's face.
Tadashi opened his eyes and instantly smiled. He took the phone from your hands and sent your mom a voice recording thanking her for all her support (and free Printer ink).
“She loves you so much,” you smiled and kissed his lips. “She really is my mother.”
Tadashi cupped her hands around your head and smiled at you. “Yes she is, pretty girl.”
You stayed that way while Tadashi whispered sweet nothings into your ears as the sky started to get darker and he had to leave. Aunt Cass was insistent that he spend that last night before his defense hearing back at home so she could make him sweet potato for good luck. He leaned over your bed and slipped his shirt back over his head and pulled his pants over his boxers.
You got up out of bed and slipped an oversized shirt over yourself and walked him out the door.
“Good luck, baby, I love you, my smart boy.” You buried your face in his neck with a hug.
Tadashi dug his face into your head and kissed the tops of it. “Thank you, darling . I love you too.”
“I’ll come pick you up tomorrow and take you out, wherever you want.” You promised.
Tadashi shrugged into the hug. “They may not approve my defense, you know?”
“If they don’t they’re morons but that still doesn’t matter. Because you worked so hard and deserve so much, right?”
Tadashi’s unrelenting and slightly irritating humbleness drove you truly mad sometimes. He had the work ethic of a mule and a brain like Berkeley. Everyone knew it but if you pointed it out he’d just say “oh, thank you but I’m not all that”. Not even in a pick me way. And you were determined to get his confidence up.
He just nodded, dropping his head into your shoulder while you combed your fingers through his dark hair.
“Right?” You repeat.
“Right.” He confirmed.
You gave him one last forehead kiss and sent him off the drive home. After he left you went to your kitchen and started cleaning what little appliances you had after not leaving your room with your boyfriend for nearly a week. Once the kitchen was clean you needed to shower and change your clothes. Showering with another person is not exactly the epitome of cleanliness, not that you’ve only been showering with Tadashi for the past week….. When you headed back to your room dripping wet you kicked something laying on the floor.
It’s Tadashi’s backpack. With his defense inside.
———————————————————————
Tadashi is very clean. He doesn’t like messy anything, his room remains clean and his schedule is so organized to the point it was more of a battle plan than a timeline. So this was not only out of character but IMPOSSIBLE.
Hiro was watching in horror as Tadashi wrecked the entire car and dumped every item of clothing in his overnight bag out onto the floor.
“What is happening?” Hiro asked, completely baffled.
Tadashi diddnt respond and continued to mutter under his breath “where the fuck is it?”
It wasn’t until Aunt Cass walked out back to the absolute wreck with a small bowl of sweet potatoes and matcha on a tray that he looked up from the wreckage.
“Auntie, have you seen my defense?!” Tadashi's voice dripped with desperation.
Before Aunt Cass could even answer Hiro practically screamed, “YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING DEFENSE?!”
“Hiro! Language!” Aunt Cass slapped him in the back of the head. “But seriously, Tadashi! What happened to it?”
Tadashi squeezed onto his hair so tightly it looked like he might rip a chunk of it out. “I don’t know! I had it ,I know I did!”
Silence between the three until Hiro perked up. “Wait, you have a copy of it on my computer. Just reprint it. I think the print room at the lab closes at 10, if you rush you can make it.”
Tadashi didn’t need to be told twice. He ran upstairs, sent the document of his defense to the schools Printer email, and texted Wasabi to ask him to stand at the printer so the techs didn’t shut down the printers for the night. And he was off, speeding over the speed limit (by two miles per hour) and headed to the school.
Unknowing to him you were making your way to his house to drop off his defense. You could have just called him to come get it but he didn’t need any additional stress including driving.
You’d only been to Tadashi’s house once and it was when there was nobody home. You just needed to use the bathroom and his house was closest. But you knew about his little brother and his aunt and about how he lost his parents when he was young. How could you forget? The way he talked about them made you cry harder than him.
When you pulled up to the front of the cafè the lights were mostly off except those coming from the kitchen. You swung the backpack over your shoulder and headed towards the door. A small bell above the door jingled and prompted a woman to walk out with a tray of dirty coffee cups on them.
“Oh, I’m sorry we’re closed.” She apologized.
You waved your hand and held up the backpack. “Oh no, I’m not here to order anything. I just have Tadashi’s defense.”
Hiro poked his head out the curtain after hearing the word “defense” to see you standing at the entrance with his brothers backpack.
“Oh! Okay, Hiro tell Tadashi that he can turn around.” She told him.
You handed your boyfriends aunt the backpack when she asked, “I’m sorry, what’s your name again?”
“Y/n,” You smiled.
But the smile completely faded when Tadashi’s aunt turned around to look at his brother with a “have you ever met her before” look. Hiro shook his head before calling his brother telling him to turn around.
You added with uncertainty, “I’m…Tadashi’s girlfriend.”
Hiro pulled the phone away from his ear and perked up. “Tadashi has a girlfriend?”
The entire cafè went silent. They didn’t know? You’d never met them before but they didn’t even recognize your name? Who the hell did they think Tadashi was spending his entire week with? Who did they think he FaceTimed in his room at midnight pretty much every day? Either Tadashi’s family had the memory of a goldfish or….your boyfriend lied. Not just about you but your existence as a whole. The girl he said he loved.
You just nodded and let that sink in. You could see the collective “oh shit” look in your boyfriends family’s faces as they tried to salvage it by saying things like “you know your name does sound familiar” but it didn’t matter. Nothing anyone who wasn’t your boyfriend explaining himself was going to change how you felt.
Around that time an engine pulled up the front of the cafè and switched off. Tadashi had turned around and came back home. When he opened the door it was like the aroma of awkward bitch slapped his psyche across the face.
“Hey, hunny.” He whispered and brushed his thumb against your skin. “Thank you so much, you’re a lifesaver. I love you.”
You didn’t respond. Only wished everyone a good night and left. Hiro looked at his brother with a look the read “what the fuck?” And Aunt Cass looked at her nephew with a look of “what did you do?”
Fun fact about Tadashi: he can take a hint and read social cues. So he ran outside in the cold and chased octet you right as you were about to get into your car.
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s wrong?” He grabbed your wrist.
You looked at him with daggers in your eyes. “They don’t know who I am?”
Tadashi looked like he was going to puke. And you were having none of it.
“My mother invited you to her graduation, and you went to my cousins wedding. And your family does know who I am!” Now you were yelling. Tadashi’s neighbors were getting dinner and a show.
When he didn’t respond you forced yourself to ask the question that had been lingering in your head. “ Are you…are you like—ashamed of me?”
“No! Never!” Tadashi shouted back at you.
“Then how come they don’t know who I am!” You shouted.
Tadashi rubbed his temples. “I have mentioned you before, back when we were still just talking. But it’s not something we do! It’s just not! Every once in a blue moon they’ll check up on my romantic life but that’s it. Hiro liked a boy for five months before I even knew his name! When my aunt goes on dates she doesn’t tell us their names. It’s just not us! That’s all!”
It made sense. You know it did. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.
Tadashi grabbed onto your face and pressed kisses all over it. “I love you, I swear I do. Nothing you do will ever make me ashamed of you. You mean the world to me, please believe me.”
You grabbed his hand and gently removed it from your face as you started kissing his hand and his wrist. Your kisses trailed up his arm and onto his face until you gave him one last forehead kiss.
“Good luck, tomorrow.” And you hopped back in your car and drove off. Leaving tadashi standing there in the streetlight surrounded by urban darkness. And with every tire rotation away from him, Tadashi’s heart broke a little more until it eventually snapped when he could no longer see your car.
#baymax#big hero 6#big hero six#tadashi hamada#disney#fanfic#hiro hamada#bh6 x reader#tadashi hamada x reader#napakmahal#writing#x reader
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A side note about Japan and queerness: I wrote a thesis about the history of homosexuality in Japan in uni, so I feel qualified to comment on it. Gay and trans identities were absolutely not invented in English speaking countries in the 20th century, they are the ones who invented homophobia. Japan in the middle ages and up until the end of the 19th century was extremely gay and had a very open gay culture, bisexuality was considered the norm. The samurai, who were the ruling class were extremely gay and Buddhism didn't have any history of homophobia, so both the dominant religion and the political elites were not homophobic and were encouraging same sex relationships among men. Japan not being super queer is a fairly recent (20th century) development. The terms that were used back then to describe queerness were also different and it is not useful to try and describe these identities with modern terms, but if you look at old primary sources, then there was probably a lot of conflating of what we would today call trans and gay. Japan is not a pure desexualized heterosexual place from a shoujo manga. If anyone wants to read more, I would recommend the book "Male Colors: The Construction of Homosexuality in Tokugawa Japan" by Gary P. Leupp. (there are also a bunch of other good sources, but this is the one I would recommend first). So yeah, don't let the weebs tell you you are pushing an LGBT agenda on Japan, the period of Japanese history in which homosexuality and transness were considered normal is way longer than the non gay period.
youtube
#pokemon#trans#gnc#gender nonconforming#non binary#transmasc#transfem#paldea#pokemon go#penny#sylveon#team rocket#japan#samurai#tokugawa#Youtube
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I just remembered the personal blog I used to have. I started writing on it the summer at the end of my first year at university and I stopped posting the autumn I'd handed in my master thesis. It followed me through ups and downs for over five years and looking back at it now feels strange.
It's coming up on the 10 years since I started that blog. I just opened my first post to check it out and immediately noticed a dumb spelling error. And oh, how naive and unsure I was back then. Just 19 years old thinking that I was becoming an adult.
To be fair, I was but I've spent most of the last decade becoming more and more adult and I'm not sure I've reached "proper" adulthood yet. If such a thing ever exist.
But it was a curious thing to see what took up my heart and mind. Lots of university struggles, spending time with my horse, writing and setting myself writing challenges, dealing with anxiousness and stress. Perhaps not all that different from my life now (if you swap job with uni) but somehow, contradictory, also vastly different.
In the five years that the blog has sat abandoned (my old age of 24 sitting in the banner as a marker), I've gone through a lot. As a human I've grown immensely, even if many of my interests and the way I engage with the world is still similar.
My very last blog post was about handing in my thesis and then having to do an oral defence a couple of weeks later. I finished on this: I don't know if I have ever been more scared. It was that anticipation of what my life would look like when I was no longer a student.
I had been a student my whole life, jumping from one form of education to another. Ten years of school. Three years of gymnasium. Six years of university. Almost two decades of being in school in some shape or form and the anticipation of what came after was so scary. I would lose all of my structure and crumble, I could feel it in my bones.
In some ways, I did. But in other ways, I also have been very fortunate. It took me over a year to find a job. I had to go through a pandemic that only made it harder. The isolation was gutting but it also made me find an online community that are now some of my closest friends. I started working a reception job only to be able to move into a department related to my field after ten months.
I've kept past friendships from schools, I still have my horse, I'm close with my family, I daily chat with my online friends and we've been (and will go) on trips to meet up. I've got a good salary, I like my colleagues and boss, and I get to try new exciting things, even if that sometimes scares me. I have written and published almost 100 fics since that last blog post and my writing has only gotten better and better.
My brain still trips me up. I didn't dare dive into some of the more mental health related posts I made at this moment but I think I'll see present me echoed in those too. Even if I've gotten better at dealing with stuff in some ways. I'm going to try to continue to improve on that front.
Five years is a long time but somehow, in the span of a full life, also a short time. For five years, I wrote on that personal blog. It's been five years since I've touched it. One version of me started it and another version finished it, and me looking back on it now is yet another different version.
I don't share like that anymore on the internet, but I do still keep a journal I write in every single day. And well, then there's these "my tumblr dabbles" a way to give myself permission to post tiny parts of me and my thoughts online still. Crack myself open and see what flows out onto the page that I want to share. Thank you for everyone who indulges them.
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deleted scenes deleted scenes
going to shamelessly use this to talk about worthy punishments behind the scenes
at the top of the document i have 'troubles always gunna find you baby / but so am i' from western nights by ethel cain because literally. thats them
heres a bunch of random sentences that got cut because i never built the scenes to go around them:
Sirius, in charge of paying literally one bill, realised he forgot when the kitchen light went out. Lily told him not to open the fridge and they ate bread for dinner, sat on the kitchen floor with candles on. She would have taken a picture, only her phone had run out of battery three hours ago and she couldn’t open her laptop without seeing the thesis document and feeling sick.
"James sent you a pie but I ate it" Sirius said, holding the pie box and not even looking guilty.
The masters she was meant to do in two years she was now going to do in three, sat on the phone with uni administrators trying to explain how her brain felt laden with cement, unusable actually, and she needed the time to figure out how to be a person again. Sirius, mysteriously, would always appear with a biscuit packet at the end of these conversations, and, after a particularly horrible one, a bottle of tequila he’d had delivered, and she chewed him out for spying but not really.
They pulled the tattoo gun out out over the next few months, mostly keeping to his back and arms, easily coverable. His visa case number. A crudely drawn square. ‘Jimmy’ in a heart with a cross through it. They got really drunk once and Lily almost wrote ‘sense and senseabitch’ but they couldn’t figure out how to spell it (senseabitch or senseabitchity).
Something James had said to him once, after doing something insane to impress lily in school: I heard her voice, what was I supposed to do?
Sirius has spent his life being distracting. It is, in fact, maybe the only thing he is good at.
heres sirius getting a haircut. i have no idea why i didnt put this in i think i forgot:
“It needs more off the top.”
“You just said that.”
“It still needs it.”
“How can you even see the top?” Sirius accused.
“It looks weird–“
“It’s gunna– Lily!–“
Lily had taken a large chunk of his hair and was carefully cutting against the comb, “he’s right, there’s too much at the top.”
“Oh my god–“
“It was making you look like a poodle.” James added.
“You’re mixing your metaphors.” Sirius said, shortly, “Before you said I looked like I’d been lost at sea for ten years.”
“Okay Lily, you looked like both.”
“I looked like a poodle at sea?”
“He’s mixing his similes, not metaphors.” Lily corrected, absently.
“Are you done?” Sirius asked.
“No.”
“Remus said you were looking slightly caveman the other day.” James added.
“You’re loving this, aren’t you?”
“Honestly,” James grinned, “Massively so, yeah.”
Lily stepped back, squinting. “Okay, I think the left side is quite a lot shorter than the right.”
“Brilliant, cheers Evans.”
“Let me see” James said, craning his neck on facetime, “I need screenshots for the group chat.”
“Christ.”
here's a scene i wrote ages ago and cut because i couldnt think of a better joke for the last bit, even though parts of it are okay:
Sirius was having a cigarette for breakfast when Lily walked in and sat at his desk and said “I think we need to spice things up”
“In what sense?”
“In our relationship.”
Sirius, overwhelmed with joke opportunities, genuinely couldn’t pick one and missed the window. “Okay,” Lily got up, clearly reading his expression, “I want to start this again.”
“No, wait–“
“No, I’m not giving you a chance–“ she said, leaving. She then immediately walked back in. “I think we should–“
“Spice things up in what sense?”
“We started this conversation again.”
“I didn’t,” Sirius said, “Are you finally propositioning me? Because I’m afraid you couldn’t afford me.”
“I was literally just going to suggest we go a day without talking so we would actually have stuff to catch up on the next day, but now I don’t think one day not speaking is enough.”
“Oh,” Sirius feigned disappointment, “My ideas were way kinkier than that.”.
“You just said I couldn’t afford you.”
“I’ll give you a discount.”
“Hard pass.”
“Snob.”
Lily stood up, “This entire conversation has been pointless, I’ll see you at dinner.”
“I can’t believe you just came into my room to tell me you didn’t want to speak to me anymore.”
“AndI turned down your prostitution offer.”
“You are a shit mate. James would’ve taken me up on it.”
“Yeah, well, he’s still got some start-up money.” Lily called, rounding the door.
also this:
They have a huge fight about whose turn it is to vacuum, full yelling, Sirius banging kitchen cabinets, Lily’s voice going hoarse. She goes in her room and tries to call James but the line is busy, which probably means Sirius is talking to him. This is so annoying that Lily goes and bangs on his door and tells him to hang up, Sirius yells back that he’s not even on the phone with him, which Lily immediately outs as a lie when she barges in the room. Sirius continues to lie loudly that it isn’t him and James puts on a high voice for ten minutes, fabricating an elaborate backstory until it’s just all of them –Lily standing, Sirius spread on his bed, James’ voice –talking shit for an hour until Remus comes looking, and then he joins in. That’s the day.
heres this random exchange:
"I wouldn’t mind going to jail"
"What if Remus wasn’t around to bail you out" Lily countered
"That would never happen." Sirius said, eating a donut for some reason.
they were going to have a big fight. it was actually one of the first things i wrote for it, and its not bad, but i couldnt have remus appendix/lilys thesis crisis/sirius depression stuff AND this. too angsty. anyway here it is:
Lily let him ring three times, before picking up on the fourth.
“You are fucking shite–“
“It’s your turn for coffee–“
“It’s nine am! You have never been awake at nine am! Fuck off!” She hung up.
The phone rang twice. She picked up fourth ring, third call.
“I said-“
“First of all, nine am is not an unreasonable time to call someone, secondly, when you were banging pots at all hours last week not sleeping and making some typically heinous bullshit I did all the dishes and said nothing because that’s my end of the deal, and for the record not all of us have the luxury of operating on English time one-hundred-fucking-percent of their blessed life, some of us are having to conduct company bullshit in a time-zone for a country they can’t even enter, and have been awake for four hours, and had to get out bed today. Grow up Evans.”
The dial tone was a knife.
Lily made the coffee, and walked into Sirius on mute on zoom, glaring furiously at a notepad. He looked up when she walked in, looking a little guilty and mostly defensive.
“I thought about spitting in this.” She held out the coffee.
His shoulders relaxed a little. If she’d been another person, any other person, she wouldn’t have noticed, “Only thought about?”
“Yeah. Sorry for last week.”
“Sorry for about five minutes ago.”
She shrugged, “Nine a.m. isn’t an unreasonable time.”
“Your cooking isn’t that heinous.”
“Liar.” Lily gave him the coffee, “How is the meeting?”
“Vitally important, so I’ve had them on mute for ten minutes.”
She smiled and hit the unmute button on his laptop. Voices burst in, Remus, half-arguing about system design, two unknown voices trying to shout him down
‘no murders’ she mouthed at him, backing out of the room.
He grinned, winked at her. Turning back to the screen: “Oi, let Lupin finish what he was saying–“
i rewrote that sirius depression scene a hundred times, i can't even tell you. a million versions of it exist and still i dont know if its right
lily was going to say this: “No I don’t” Lily took the bottle out of his hands, “You are not wrong, you’re brilliant. There is no charity, nothing works without you”
or this would happen:
No, no” Lily said, easing the bottle out of his hand,
“I’m weight. You can’t keep trying to bail me out. You can’t fix it”
“Whose trying to fix it? That’s impossible. But you can tell me.”
“Doesn’t do anything.”
“Yes it does,” Lily, stubborn, always, to the blood, “You know it does. Its the only thing that really does work, it’s just hard to remember. You’re not charity, or weight, no one’s bailing you out. We love you. I love you. And if that’s bailing you out then fine, that’s for free forever.”
alternately this would happen: Sirius wasn’t there for any reason other than he was bored at the bar and James was in the business of throwing lifeboats to people he loved. And Sirius always needed the lifeboat, the saving, the pulling back. Lily dragged him to every meeting, made sandwiches, wakes him up. Remus bullied him onto every call. Their club was the only one he ever wanted to be in, but that could not be enough forever. Without them he falls into Regulus’ crowd, dead in a tunnel somewhere, speed-racing. Remus hated that. James too. Sirius loved going fast
anyway there were so many. lily was also going to say this at one point but i never built a scene around it:
"Theres nothing more stupid than marrying your high school boyfriend but im going to do that"
all of the lily and sirius stuff at the end is inspired by this one line in my notes: it's weird. i don't remember the bad stuff. you were there.
also lowkey very proud of this title like when i thought of it i was like oh my god
anyway i have to run, talk more soon abt this stupidly large thing!!
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A letter to someone I haven’t talked to in months
I wanted to write something about how it is hard to create something (art?) that involves someone else and try not to hurt them. When you want to express yourself and how you feel but someone else is involved in the process. Instead, I wrote this: something very personal about one specific person in mind. I am sorry, but sometimes we just do.
I moved to Barcelona around 6 months ago. Remember how I told you I had applied for a master’s degree?
I went to see the Japanese House in Newcastle, one of those bands that not a lot of people know, and you probably haven’t. And on my way, I stayed in Manchester. I really like Newcastle, not so much Manchester.
I take the bus at 10 pm to get back from uni. I took the night bus at 4 am to get back from a friend's house once. Sometimes I take the metro late at night back from my brother’s. That’s kind of rare back at home, remember how much anxiety it gave me?
It was my birthday two months ago. I don't know if you remember or just ignored it. I turned 28. It hurt, to be honest. It really hurt when you didn't even text me. It hurt to think you just forgot. Did you even think about me that day? Do you even think about me?
I am writing my thesis. It’s about memes. Who knew my trolling tendencies would get me to write an entire thesis? I did really well in my classes and I really enjoyed my thesis subject.
I still get waves of depression, anxiety, and isolation. I’m trying to get better at that. I go on walks and force myself to do stuff I like. It’s all a bit easier here. It’s safer, sunnier and there is so much stuff I haven’t done yet. It’s very different than in Latam.
I spend a lot of Fridays crying. Because I miss home or because I just feel a bit lost.
I miss my family a lot. My sister got married. It’s funny because for a while I thought about inviting you. But then all of that happened…
My other sister was here a few days ago and we spent some time in Paris.
I also miss Coni. Lollapalooza Argentina is around the corner and I wish I could experience it with her. I talked to her all day and she replies within the day which I really need. Doesn’t take her a month.
I saw the 1975 in Madrid and Paris. I know you don’t like them and just pretend you did for me. You probably hate Matty Healy because of the Taylor thing. That’s funny. I am better at that. Caring less about online discussions and bullshit. It truly doesn’t matter. In the end, none of it matters.
Bet you are glad you no longer have to keep up with musicians you don’t know. Or pretend you like their music.
Speaking of that, I'm still hurt at what you said when all of that went down. It really hurt. It hurt the way you grabbed my feelings and threw them to the ground. After all the talks we had, I thought you’d be better than that.
I know you want to know about my love life because that’s all people like you want to know. I am taking my time to heal so I’m working on myself, I truly don’t want anyone to get in the way of that. Guarding my heart and mind.
I don’t have much to say. But today I was leaving the Louvre crossing the road to walk by the Seine and I saw the Eiffel Tower. I was listening to You're Loosing Me by Taylor Swift and I realized you truly lost the best thing at any party, me. I mean look at everything I get to do. Look at everything I enjoy and the people I have. And you lost me.
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i genuinely love people complaining about not being able to write essays on their conservative views at uni lest they be marked down. bc it’s just not true. ur not marked on how right u are. ur marked on how well u argue. i didn’t believe in half the things i wrote but i knew i could structure an interesting argument around certain views with numerous objections so it didn’t matter what i believed or what my professor believed. i was marked on how good my argument was. so e.g. i wrote an essay defending inequality as just and got one of my best marks for it. was it because my professor or i believed inequality is just? no. it’s because i had a thesis and arguments to back it up and objections i could respond to. i could’ve written a paper refuting the one i turned in and gotten the same mark. like. just admit that the problem isn’t that ur being penalised for your politics. it’s that u can’t coherently defend them
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Hi!!! So, this is going to be a weird (and probably invasive) question to ask a stranger on the internet but. um.
So I saw your add-on to the post about historical remedies and such and it FASCINATED me. The cross between historical and scientific study was just... so cool!
And I'm in High school, right now, and I'm still trying to decide what I want to major in. So I wanted to ask--
What major did you write that thesis for? How did you get into that major (like, what kind of credits/ background/grades did you need to get accepted)?
And-- this one you don't have to answer at all, bc I don't want to pressure you into doxxing yourself or anything, but-- What college/colleges did you go to/ consider going to that had good programs for said major? (I live in America, if that helps?)
Sorry for the random (and a lil' aggressive) questioning on major details of your life is uncalled for-- which it probably is. I just!!! Your research was really cool and it felt like something I'd want to consider pursuing!!!
TY for your time <3
No worries! None of those questions are what I would consider really invasive, and I don't mind talking about the basics.
That thesis was one that I wrote for my Master's degree. My major in undergrad was history—no specific area of history because it wasn't an option at my school—just history. While there were some classes I was required to take, whenever I was able to choose my own classes, I took classes that dealt with medieval history, which was something that interested me. Most of my large writing projects in undergrad I wrote on medieval topics. My uni didn't even have that many of those classes, but I basically found ways to work those subjects into my work anyway lol. In topics as broad as history, you have to carve out your own space.
I graduated with good grades and went straight into graduate school. I'm not sure I would recommend going straight into grad school after undergrad, but I knew myself and knew that if I didn't do it right away, I would not go back.
At the graduate level, no matter where you go, if you study history you will pick an area/region of history to study in depth. I chose medieval history, and within that carved out an unofficial specialization on early medieval British history. My advisor wasn't even an expert in that topic, but she was supportive, and connected me with other academics who knew more about it. I was a bit of an oddity in the department because I was one of the few students who was getting only a masters degree, rather than going for a PhD. The only reason I did this was because I was also studying for another degree which was more relevant for my desired career path; I chose to study history as in addition for the broadened experience and also because it really interested me.
Now, I know you're in high school still and this kind of decision is a long ways off, but for the sake of my on conscience I am going to pause here to say that you should not get a masters in history unless you are either going on for a PhD and are committed to a career in academia, or if you have another solid career path open to you (like having another degree or other experience). Studying history can give you a lot of great skills and experience and insight that will make you compatible for a lot of jobs, however, if you already have a bachelors, a masters degree in something like history will generally not increase your marketability, and can be very expensive. Alright, you didn't ask for career advice, but I couldn't not say it.
But yeah! As far as prerequisites and such, it's a fairly straightforward matter of keeping up your grades, which may sound kinda lame. The harder and more vital part of pursuing the research you want is to define your goals, communicate those with your professors, and foster relationships with professors who can help connect you with opportunities to present your research and meet others in the field. If you have the chance to present at an undergrad conference, do it. If your professor has office hours, talk to them not only about the current assignments, but about the kinds of things you're interested in. By the time you're a senior in college, having positive relationships with one or more professors will help you find connections beyond college.
This has turned into career advice, I'm sorry if that's not what you were after! I hope that helps.
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Hiiiii, Tiff. I'm new here on your Tumblr and I don't have an ao3 account so this is my first time commenting, even though I've been following tbaw since april (?) I think. Anyways, I got my Tumblr account back just to follow you haha.
Giiiiiirl were do I start. So first of all tbaw is the only story I religiously follow and never forget about and every fucking tuesday is like Christmas to me istg. Even back in june-july when I was busy with my uni thesis and was slowly dying lol I kept reading every chapter and it was such a joy to be able to relax and take a break and escape in the fantasy. And now check the new chapters at work. Guilty 😅
Also, apparently you also wrote that Eren camping smut fic, omfggggg it's so good, easily one of my top fave Eren oneshots.
The way you write dialogues??? Fucking amazing. The interaction between the characters... I literally get lost in that reality and feel every single one of the characters. They are so humane. The tension, the attraction, the love, the hatred, everything feels so real when your characters interact. It's astonishing.
Now, I was team Eren from the start (yes, I am an Eren girl lol), I wasn't opposed to Jean, he is my second favorite from aot, but! Eren was so fucking charming in this fic, I just couldn't get into Jean I'm sorry. He gives mixed signals and we don't approve those in my house fiehdhdj. But Eren was perfect in every fucking way, which was suspicious and now we know the truth sadly.
I can't believe that after the big reveal so many people were shitting on Eren and they switched sides lololol. Like it was kinda obvious tbh. Well not obvious, but expected.
Idc what other people think, but I do believe Eren wants to change and will do that.
Now! As for the reader. Ofc she can't forgive him that easily, I wouldn't. And I do believe they both should work on themselves first and then they could develop a healthy relationship. It would only feel fair for the reader to see Eren really change. And I still want him to be endgame.
Honestly I'm just biased cause I love him lmao, he looks like my bf 💀 objectively, reader should seek her own path, Jean and Eren should figure their shit and forgive each other and be friends again. And then we can see a healthy relationship develop with one of them and a strong friendship with the other. I just see Eren as the best fit because they have really good chemistry. Idk tho, I said I'm biased. He was so cute in the last chapter with the date I was cryiiinnnggggg. 😭 Literally a cute lil cinnamon roll djdkdhekd
Well these are my thoughts I guess?? I'm sorry this is so long but tbaw gets me so excited I really love that and I wanted to give you some appreciation. 💕
omg, hello!! 🥰💗
i can't believe you've been following along since April!!! ahhhh!!! i think i've said this before but it's so crazy to me that some of you have been following along for so long 🥺 ty for your commitment i love it 💗
thank you so much!! i put a lot of importance in the dialogue because it can say a lot more than just what the characters are saying.... if that makes sense lol like what they choose to reveal vs. what they keep to themselves adds an extra element to dialogue aside from the actual words they're saying idk idk but i'm glad you like my dialogue 😭😭
i think some people, like reader, are quite taken aback by the reality of what eren's done. it's easy to forgive him when you're only told vague details and you see him act cute, but seeing this "darker" side of him come out (even though characters have been warning us about this almost the entire story) is really jarring and it affects some people more than others.
damn, you're lucky to have an eren all to yourself!! hopefully he doesn't treat you like groupchat!eren 💀💀
thank you again so much for such a lovely message and i'm so so so happy that you're enjoying the story!! thank you for sharing your thoughts and i hope you continue to enjoy it and have fun with the rest of us as the story progresses 🥰 only 10 weeks to go!
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Food for thought.
While waiting for Yumeno to come back (6 years), I:
-Had a study vacation in Wien (2016), the next year in Berlin (2017)
-Learnt how to use watercolours (2016/2017)
-Worked in my town's library (2016)
-Partecipated in a European Translation's contest (2016)
-Taught an English class in a Elementary school, then another one in Middle school (2017)
-Got B1 at Goethe-Zertifikat (2017)
-Got B2 at the DELE test (2017)
-Got C1 at the Cambridge First test (2017)
-Got C2 at the Cambridge Advanced test (2018)
-Got my driver's license (2018)
-Graduated High School (2018)
-Did 2 courses on work safety (2016 and 2020)
-Got into uni (2018)
-Read 8 books that are longer than the bible (my fellow Danmei fans, I know you're out there) (2019-2022)
-Read about 200 books in total (I'm not a big reader don't judge me) (2016-2023)
-Got into K-pop fandom full swing (I've been a fan since 2017 but never really got into the fandom) (2019-2023)
-Did my uni stage work (2020)
-Attended a Cultural Heritage Conservation Conference (2020)
-Commissioned 3 different art pieces (2019, 2020, 2021)
-Did my uni apprenticeship and wrote my graduation thesis (2022)
-Graduated from uni (13/12/2022)
-Bought a total of 17 K-pop albums (if y'all know how expensive these are, you'll get me) (2022-2023)
-Currently job hunting.
BRUH.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY.
Fun bonus (so I don't rip my eyes out of my skull), how much my art improved (self-taught):
(I am CRINGING at this^ btw)
#bungo stray dogs#yumeno kyusaku#No#this is not me bragging#THIS IS ME PLEADING#I STARTED THIS BLOG WHEN I WAS 17#I'M 23 GOING 24 NOW
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Year in review 2022
2022 has been an incredibly productive year for me. So much happened, progressed and changed in just one little year, I almost don't recognize myself.
At the beginning of 2022 I was an insecure and unsure student, worried about finishing her bachelor in just one more year, worried about the possibilities, about leaving the safety of my beloved faculty and having to look for a job out there in the real world, where everything worked differently.
I was worried about starting offline classes again after Covid, after 2 years in blissful setting at home that I really liked. Dicussions, homework and classes all nicely done from home, no annoying travelling and lots of time with my family, those were the 2 best years of my life. Until now.
In 2022 summer semester I got my first job at uni as tutor that I really enjoyed.
I started my course for writing mentoring at the uni as part of an extracuricular activity, met the best teacher there, learned a bunch of new stuff about writing and started my research project in writing sciences.
I made 3 new close offline friends and my first ones at the university. 3 awesome girls that study things I considered studying myself, who are super sweet and philosophical, smart and thoughtful and hardworking. It took a year, but I'm finding out we are agreeing more and more on stuff that matters and that's gratifying.
I got my new job as writing assistant at the university in September 2022 and it was a giant jump from that. Proper 10 hours a week, a work collective for the first time, advising students, holding classes and advice sessions of my own in academic setting, organizing my time around classes...incredible work skill progress.
I can see my future in academic setting now. I can see myself finishing BA, MA and then going for PhD, in topics I love, holding classes, publishing articles and being happy.
Now I'm excited about finishing my BA this February and starting my master's degree, about continuing as an univeristy assistant until I can start working as PhD. About being more active, joining conferences, travelling, doing a semester in foreign country altogether. I'm so excited about the future and so happy everyday.
I finished my BA thesis this Christmas, 2 months before the official deadline so I can sign up for Master classes on time. It's been such a beautiful experience. I read incredible books for it, my knowledge grew to the sky, my view of studying popular culture and literature totally updated and progresses, changing my world of the world and life.
I was worried how difficult my BA thesis would be to write and what quality I managed as a assistant myself, but the progress was enjoyable and I'm proud of the result. The first feedbacks have been very positive.
I have grown more bold, outspoken, more oriented in what I want and care about and want to accomplish.
I finished my first novella, Tears of Iron, in 2022. It needs some editing and a wrap up chapter, but I still never wrote so much consistently in one project, never shown it to an editor before, never had betareaders looking at it. Big shoutout and thank you to @avrablake who keeps giving me comments, thoughts and tips that are incredibly helpful, joyful and encouraging. I'm very grateful.
I also want to thank @myhusbandsasemni for being an amazing friend who really helped me out and supported me in hard times.
Overall I want to thank you guys who stuck around, who witnessed what happened and stayed on my side, didn't blame me, or turned your backs on me against bullying and attacking of such a degree. Lots of my close friends jumped the vagon and joined in the hate-blame wave to look cool, hence my break from tumblr that taught me as much as my presence did. But my win lies in not shutting down, in not staying silent, and moving on from the wrong people.
You are going to see what you are looking for, and if what you look for is negativity, unfairness and power structures, no matter what is there and gonna blame people for seeing something different, well, then we can't be friends and I'm sorry there isn't a way to tell this apart before a crisis happens. Perspective depends on the reader (Cawalti/Berger/Storey)
Anyway. Up into a new year, learning and shaking off the bad, focusing on the good and making progress in goals, knowledge and dreams.
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Tagged by @whatevsbla thank you very much :D
Rules: List ten books that have stayed with you in some way, don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard - they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.
In no particular order:
1. Pet Sematary by Stephen King. I read it once when I was a kid, haven't reread it since, but due to the young age it really did stick with me. Been remembering it a lot this spooky season.
2. The Red House Mystery by Alan A Milne. A childhood favourite from the very start of my mystery novel phase; I was so invested in it that I drew out the layout of the whole house for myself. I also just like the fact that my favourite detective is written by the Winnie Pooh guy hdhvdhbfb
3. The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Simply a favourite classic, the language is easy to follow, and I enjoyed the characters as well. Used it for 2 uni assignments the semester I read it.
4. More Than This by Patrick Ness. I rated it 4 stars upon finishing and then changed it to 5 a few days later because I couldn't stop thinking about it. Realized it probably just hit too close, and I was mad about it. Very captivating, very good.
5. The Whispers by Greg Howard. A pretty quick read, pretty sure I read it in a single day myself. I make sure to mention it every time someone asks me for book recs. I only bought it because there was a dog on the cover, but that was a good decision.
6. The Room by Emma Donoghue. I don't actually own this one because I took it from a library back then, but the atmosphere was great, I read it sitting in my living room armchair and felt like I myself haven't left the house in months.
7. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell. It's not my favourite book anymore, but back when I first read it, it was the first book I read outside of school in some years, and it got me back into reading as a hobby. Made me realize modern fiction is fun actually.
8. The Travelling Cat Chronicles by Hiro Arikawa. I bought his new book yesterday, and I fear it because of the tears I shed over this one gdhbdhbfhnf
9. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. I'm not even sure I'd like it so much now that I'm not 16, but back in the day it did leave an impression, especially since I went into the book blind, somehow VDHBDHVDG
10. The Ask and the Answer by Patrick Ness. Okay I wanted to do it a book per author but nah I can't not mention Chaos Walking. Highlighting book 2 because while book 1 did already hook me, book 2 is probably what cemented it as my future favourite series. I wrote my bachelor's thesis about it, come on!
I'm out of touch with most of my tumblr mutuals so I'm only gonna tag @rynloveshats and @summersizedmii ; no pressure to do this, but if you do — have fun!
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Wed, 14 Dec 2022
hey.
my first log here is about me telling you what has happened today.
today's morning was somewhat normal. well... if you'd overlook the fact that me randomly woke up at 11pm-ish after fell asleep at 6pm as then went back sleep a couple of hours later only to wake up at 5am for morning prayer. at least thats pretty much what i remember. i didnt get a blink of sleep since.
morning was meh. i got to do morning walk with mom to nearby 24h cvs to buy sugar, cup ramens, a family sized white bread, kewpie mayo, and bottled chili sauce. kewpie mayo was an impulsive buy since they offered a bogo sale. idk whether it was a good decision or not. we bought 2 cup ramens from different brands, thought we could compare and see which ones tastier.
we went home, i proceed to cook the cup ramen and pan-toasting a slice of bread with grated chocolate. the bread took the cherry by a miles, i didnt know a warm toasted bread smothered with melted choco could be so comforting. but the calories and gluten were haunting.
around 9am-ish i got a message from uni that said my yudisium was scheduled on 10:30, and i was like bruh why is this announcement came out of nowhere?? i told mom about this, asking for her help to quiet down anyone cause i got yudisium to attend. mom was delighted. the event was something we've waited so long since my thesis defence. she was like "oh i havent ordered those graduation sash, if only you told me earlier... " yes, i always oppose to the idea of buying it cause i see no need for that thing, yes its a once in a lifetime event but i do just fine without it. it only serves as decoration purpose anyway and it costs quite a lot of money. ive been well aware of how sensitive our economy has been, we practically have debt left and right its getting harder to breathe each passing day. so why should we buy that thing?
so then, mom made the sash from papers. she wrote my name on it along with my newly obtained degree behind my full name and proceeded with coloring it with highlighters. she made a couple of mistakes on placing the punctuations. i cant imagine how proud she was, her only child graduated college after so longg, also her child being the first one to gradute college among her cousins from mom side of the fam. when i had done attending the event i hug her and gave news that my final gpa is 3.85 out of 4.00, i'm 0.05pts short compared to my lifetime rival cousin. she forced me to take photos, smiling and posing with her handmade sash:')
then my old bro came home, much later than usual. mom told him the news abt me graduating. would have been a lie if i didnt expect some sort of present from him but we've been very disappointed after what happened two weeks ago.
later on the evening we called dad to convey the news. i asked him for some money cause i want to buy a handcream. the one my friend got me was really nice but it wasnt as hydrating as i wanted it to be, kinda felt underwhelmed with the effect, mind you it was a body shop product. it comes with price higher than my roof. so i want to buy another from different brand, korean, this time. shouldnt be surprised when he didnt give me anything and told me to be patient *sigh*. anw i had a blast talking with dad, sure its quite sad, so sadd cause i wanted to buy something for only 5bucks for my graduation present yet i wouldnt get it till idk when.. probably till i forget i ever want it.
lianne, logging off.
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