#I work like every day this week but once I get the time I am gonna post SO much art
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Rose Garden - Part Two
↳Pairing: Prince!Lee Know x Maid!afab reader
↳Words: 12,500~ (oops)
↳Warnings: SMUT obviously so as always minors DNI, unprotected sex (don't do this! but its not like these two had any other choice), p in v sex, oral (m and f receiving), fingering (f receiving), creampie, overall very vanilla stuff. Mentions of nausea but no one does on-screen. (For someone with emetophobia, I write about nausea a lot). Pregnancy scare?, ANGST
If there's anything else I missed, let me know!
TAGLIST: @ohmy-moonlightx , @junebug032 , @giyusatorou , @skzfelixlove , @kittkat44 , @nap-of-a-starr, @ventitto , @blankdyean , @lethallyprotected , @poisonivy21 , @nobody3210 , @chuuswifereal , @hisokasimp1, @lookitsjess
(Strikethrough means unable to tag, if I forgot someone or would like to be added then please let me know!)
↳Notes: I finished this first week of May then got taken out by a mystery illness for basically the whole month (respiratory infection I think). Anyway, today is my 27th birthday so I am giving all of you a gift!
PART ONE
↳Ready on my AO3: Here
“CAN’T YOU BE more gentle?” You groaned as your ribcage tightened. With every tug of the laces on that infernal corset, your ribs condensed and your breasts swelled. You could have sworn that a seamstress could thread you through a needle at this rate. You often wore a corset of your own to work, but it was more for general support than to actually suck you into the point of suffocation. The whale bone threaded through the offensive garment assured you that once you were in, nothing would move.
“That’s how this works, Y/N. You should know, you entrap me in my corset every morning.” Joy muttered through gritted teeth. Her fingers worked on the laces to make sure they were perfectly snug and not going anywhere. “It’s not so bad once you get used to it.”
“I can hardly breathe.” You gasped out.
“Maybe so but you will be the picture of perfection. This dress is going to look amazing on you.” Joy promised.
Your eyes darted to the dress laid out on the bed. For the day, the queen had assigned guest quarters to every visiting lady with the invitation to spend the night if it fit in the travel plans. Joy, of course, had jumped at the opportunity for a night away from home. Especially if that night was to be spent dancing away at the palace. That meant the pair of you had a private bedroom that could be used to change your identity. The grand four-poster bed was large enough to sleep four comfortably. You had a feeling that she would insist on sharing the bed with you. Poor thing never did like sleeping alone. You didn’t mind.
“What is wrong with you?” You panted. Your lungs worked overtime to get used to being in such a compact space. “How can you people wear this all the time?”
“They train us young.” Joy muttered. “Aha! Done! Let’s get you into this gown, shall we?”
Before you knew it, you were drowning in a sea of blue and pink fabric. The skirts were never ending and created a full ball gown silhouette, though your bone underskirt held most of the fabric away from your legs. The gown was made of rich peacock-blue silk and layers of delicate tulle that sparkled and shimmered under the light. Silver lace appliques decorated the bodice and the top half of the skirt. Some light tulle fabric hung just off your shoulders, creating a sweetheart off-the-shoulder neckline. You had to admit that the colors were absolutely stunning. It didn’t feel right that someone like you should wear a gown so beautiful.
However, once the garment was secured in place with some lacing, you fell in love with it. The gown hugged your waist and pushed your breasts up just enough. The skirts swished when you moved and glittered in the light.
“Y/N,” Joy breathed, “You look beautiful. Come, let me do your hair and put on your jewelry.”
“Shouldn’t I be the one getting you ready?” You asked as Joy guided you to sit down at the vanity.
“There is time for that. There’s no harm in being a little late if we need to. The ball will undoubtedly go all night.” Joy waved it off. She pointed at a hairbrush on the table and you passed it over your shoulder to her. “All of that playing dress up when we were kids was totally worth it.”
“Ow…” You muttered under your breath as Joy brushed out the tangles in your hair.
“I wonder who the Queen chose to be the princess. Surely it’s not me or we would have received some sort of notification.” Joy mused as she ran the brush through your hair. “I wonder why they would have all of these lavish parties if they’re not going to choose one of the ladies who attends them. Whoever the princess is surely is very lucky. Prince Minho is quite handsome and I’m sure he will make beautiful babies and-”
“Miss Joy. My apologies but I’m nervous enough as it is. I’m terrified of being in the same room as the prince.” You cut her off, wincing as you did so. Your training clearly specified never to interrupt your lady but all this talk of Prince Minho marrying someone else was beginning to make your heart feel heavy in your chest.
You hadn’t found the time to tell Joy about what happened. You wanted to scream it out to the world that Prince Minho was your soulmate but there was no telling if anyone would even believe you. When you first met him, he was trying to escape from his duty but after he fucked you he dove head-first into it. You wondered if someone could die from having their soulmate marry someone else.
In the end, it would all come down to if Prince Minho would confirm the fact that you were soulmates. If he were to deny you then you would have to live your life without your other half. The difference in status would make any kind of relationship difficult regardless of Prince Minho’s feelings.
You weren’t sure if you had the strength to go through with this facade but you were already dressed. You’d already made the decision. You couldn’t back down now. The dress was on and Joy was carefully putting your hair in a simple updo. She took a few pins from the hair kit you brought for her. Each pin had a diamond on the end. The hairdo you had planned for Joy would use most of the pins, so as she worked on your hair you tried to think of what style you could do instead.
“Y/N, are you okay? Your head is up in the clouds.” Joy’s voice softened.
“Yes, miss. I am merely thinking about what hairstyle to do for you.”
“No, I don’t think you are. You’ve been gone since Prince Minho’s appearance at tea. Are you alright?”
“Miss… I don’t know. I feel strange. I think me coming with you was a terrible idea.”
“What? How could you say that! I don’t know what I would do without you by my side!.”
“If I hadn’t come then I never would have-” You paused to blink back your tears. Joy paused her styling with a quiet gasp, “I never would have met…”
“Who is it?” Joy whispered knowingly.
“I can’t tell you. It would ruin...”
“Y/N, dear, please tell me.” Joy moved to your side and bent over to be at your level, “I promise there is nothing you could say that would make me think less of you.”
“It’s not me it would ruin. It’s him. He and I can never be together.”
“Y/N, please.” Joy reached up and gently brushed away a few of the tears that had escaped your eyes. You couldn’t stop crying. “Tell me and maybe I can help you.”
You looked her in the eye, hoping that maybe she could read your mind. You and Joy had been friends for as long as you could remember. You grew up in the same house. Your mother was Joy’s mother’s maid. You, in turn, became Joy’s. Even as a maid, Joy always preferred to treat you as a friend.
To no avail. Joy remained clueless.
“He’s…” you took a deep breath, “My soulmate is… Prince Minho.”
Joy’s jaw dropped. She stumbled back a bit and sat down hard on the bed. She stared at you with wide eyes. If only, that made you cry harder. At this rate she would never allow you to go to the ball. Who in their right mind would let you attend a ball when your soulmate was the prince?
“Do not lie to me, Y/N.” Joy warned.
“Have you ever known me to lie to you?”
“I suppose not. You’re sure it’s him?”
“After what we did in the garden, I would know him anywhere.”
“My god, you performed the soulmate act already?” Joy gawked, her eyes swimming with questions. “Tell me everything.”
“I don’t know…”
“I am asking as a friend, Y/N, but I will ask as your lady if I have to.”
“Okay, well… I wandered off. I didn’t mean to! But I needed a break from the sun and-”
You told her the story from beginning to finish. Meeting him in the garden and thinking he was the gardener, the accidental touch, the intensity of the soulmate act, and the way he’d turned cold afterwards. You explained how you’d searched for him and how your stomach had churned when he was announced as the Prince.
“It’s all hopeless!” You wailed, dropping your tear-stained cheeks into your hands, “We can never be together. After tonight I may never see him again!”
“Perhaps not… But what say you to see if we can get you two to meet one last time. At least share some words, a kiss, something!”
“How would we do that? He doesn’t know who I am. He doesn’t know my name or anything.”
“You’re going to the ball tonight, of course he’ll find you! If he doesn’t then I will speak to him. I will tell him his angel is looking for him. Come on, my dear, let’s get you looking perfect!”
~!~!~!~!~!~
YOU WERE CERTAIN that you were going to pass out at any moment. The corset was bound too tightly and it was as if you were walking through hell’s inferno. In reality you were only walking down a long corridor warmed with fireplaces, but it may as well have been the same thing.
A finely dressed butler escorted you and Joy through the palace to the ballroom. Joy held your hand as you walked, her grip like an iron vice. She looked beautiful. Once it was your turn to make her up, her hair was worthy of the princess’s tiara. Her forest green ballgown was made of the finest silk that rippled like water when she walked. She held her head high and turned to look at you with a bright smile.
“You would fit right in here.” Joy whispered lowly so the butler couldn’t hear your conversation.
“Maybe in the kitchens.” You sighed. “You look more like a princess than I do.”
“Nonsense. I wasn’t born to be a princess, unlike you.”
“Lady Joy, I definitely was not born to be a princess. Maybe the gods made a mistake. They’ve been known to do that, right?”
“There is no way this is a mistake. It’s clear that you belong here! You’re the most beautiful noblewoman I’ve ever seen, cousin!” Joy squeezed your hand pointedly.
Muffled music played through the doors and you suddenly felt sick. You pressed a hand to your stomach and stopped walking. Joy stopped as well. The butler continued on for a few steps before realizing that you weren’t following.
“I can’t do this.”
“Y/N! Are you with child?” Joy whispered and nodded to the hand on your stomach.
“What? No! It only happened this afternoon. It takes longer to develop a child. I’m just sick to my stomach.”
“It’s only nerves. Once we get into the ballroom, everything will be okay. We’ll dance a little bit and then we’ll enact the plan, alright?”
“I can’t. This was a terrible idea, let me go back to the room and-”
“No! Y/N, no! Just take a deep breath. I’ll be right there by your side the entire time.” Joy promised, “Let’s go.”
She pulled you along and the butler continued leading you through the palace. The music got louder and louder until the butler paused at a large set of double doors. Joy turned to smile at you one last time before looking forward.
A pair of butlers opened the doors, revealing a lavish, golden ballroom. Several crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling with candles casting flickering rainbows on the walls. The dance floor was packed with ladies and gentlemen alike, dancing away in celebration. A handful of musicians played a waltz.
Your eyes were immediately drawn to a raised platform at the back of the room. A triad of ornate golden thrones with purple velvet and diamonds were perched atop. In the center throne, a woman in an enormous embroidered gown with a huge crown atop her head tapped her fingers to the time of the music; the Queen. To her left sat the young princess, no older than fifteen but old enough to be at her brother’s party. She stared out into the crowd with a polite smile. Then, your gaze landed on the man you wanted to see.
Prince Minho sat to his mother’s right. He wore the same outfit as before, except he’d taken his crown off and hung it off one of the posters of his throne. He lounged a bit in his chair, not really paying attention to anyone around him. He sipped on a goblet of wine. The prince, instead, stared at the ceiling.
He looked just as beautiful as the moment you first saw him. Something about the candlelight made his skin glow.
You sucked in a breath when you laid eyes on him. It took every ounce of self control in your body and Joy’s hand to keep you from running through the ballroom to be with him. Something tugged on your heart like an invisible string, urging you forward.
When you stepped through the door into the ballroom, Prince Minho cocked his head suddenly. He turned his gaze away from the ceiling and scanned the throngs of dancing people. He scoured the dancers before turning his attention to the walls. Servants were stationed by the wall or in the corners where they couldn’t be easily seen unless you were looking for them. Just out of sight, but there in case they were needed. Prince Minho searched the face of each one until his gaze passed over the doors you’d just walked through.
Then came the double take. He looked on the other side of the room for a moment before turning his head back in your direction.
When you made eye contact, you gasped and gripped Joy’s hand a little tighter. Joy immediately snapped her head to look at the prince. She followed his gaze and found you as the person in question. He raised an eyebrow in question but said nothing. He knew your true stature but he was in no position to tell anyone anyway.
“Come, let’s find something to eat. You need your energy.” Joy whispered, pulling your attention away from the Prince.
“But… Prince Minho…”
“There will be time for that. We have hours before the Prince will retire. He’s seen you, so there is no doubt in my mind that he will seek you out.” Joy assured you.
She pulled you through the ballroom to a dining room. There were several tables lined with food piled high on silver platters. Dishes like pork, chicken, rolls, roasted vegetables, you name it. Instantly, your mouth watered. You could not remember the last time you broke fast and your dehydration this morning left you with a pounding headache.
“I am pretty hungry…” You mused.
“Let’s get you something to eat and then I’ll tell you everything about my plan.”
~!~!~!~!~!~
JOY’S SUGGESTION DIDN’T sit right with you at first, but she eventually convinced you to dance with the very first man who asked. You’d barely caught the man’s name, Christopher something-or-other. He was staggeringly handsome, though he could hold no candle to your Destined.
Christopher spun you around the dancefloor for two whole dances. He was careful to keep his touches over your clothes but you noticed that his eyes kept dipping down to your mouth and to the swell of your breasts out of the dress. You wore long silver satin gloves up to your forearms, as was the fashion and the social assurance that no one could find their soulmate at these social events unless you tried really hard.
At the end of the second dance, a whirlwind of a waltz (where you definitely stepped on his foot more than once), you were beginning to feel a little out of breath. Joy was off dancing with another man, a complete heartthrob who had introduced himself as Peter. Joy had promised that she would watch you all evening, but Peter had her absolutely captivated.
Christopher gazed down at you with big, brown puppy dog eyes. He pursed his lips before opening his mouth to ask you to dance a third time. However, a terse voice cut through the atmosphere.
“Sir Christopher, do you mind if I cut in?” The voice sent a shiver down your spine. You would recognize it, recognize him, anywhere.
“Oh. Um, of course, Sire.” Christopher bowed before disappearing into the crowd.
Prince Minho took his place in front of you. You looked at him for a moment before dropping into a deep curtsy. Your eyes turned to the floor. Your heart pounded so loudly in your chest that you thought you might faint.
In an instant, Prince Minho was touching you. He put his hands on your shoulders to pull you out of the curtsy and one of his hands moved to your chin. With his soft fingers, he guided your face until you were looking directly into his eyes. The same grief from this afternoon clouded them and his eyebrows were pulled together.
The music started and other couples around you began to dance. Skirts swirled, girls giggled, shoes tapped on the wooden dance floor. However, none of that mattered. The outside world became a blur until the only thing you could see was the man in front of you.
He called you an angel before, but you were certain that the angel was actually Prince Minho. He glowed under the candlelight and his crown looked like a halo. Prince Minho grasped your waist and took your hand. You gasped at the contact.
“Take my arm.” He commanded. You quickly set your hand on his shoulder.
Before you knew it, Prince Minho spun you into the crowd of dancers. How he managed to lead without taking his eyes off yours, you may never know. You had so many questions but you had absolutely no idea where to even begin. All you knew for sure is that this would most likely be the last time you ever saw him.
“What’s your name?” Prince Minho asked.
“Y/N.”
“Beautiful. I knew your name would be beautiful.” A smile played on his lips, “How did you manage to come tonight? I thought you were a ladies maid.”
“I am. Lady Joy is more a friend than a lady. We grew up together. She asked me to come with her tonight.” You explained, your voice weak.
“Damn. I’d hoped that perhaps you’d fooled me in the garden. If you were a lady then my mother might have allowed us to marry.”
“Couldn’t we still pretend?”
“My mother, the Queen, is very resourceful. She would look into your family and find that you’re of common birth. Unless, of course, you can provide undeniable proof of noble birth.”
“I’m afraid I don’t think that will be possible.” Tears brimmed in your eyes at the thought.
You couldn’t explain it but your heart swelled with affection for him. You barely even know the man. However, you could practically feel every cell in your body aching for him and needing to be with him. His touch sent bolts of lighting through your veins. His lips were eye level with you and all you wanted to do was claim them as yours. Party-goers and the Queen be damned. This man was your soulmate and you wanted everyone to know.
“My love,” Prince Minho smiled sadly and moved his hand from your waist in order to brush away a tear that had fallen. He replaced his hand before you could fall out of step with the dance. “We will find a way. Maybe it won’t be today but I must have you by my side. I want to know everything about you. Please, my angel, don’t think of this as an ending. Merely a rocky and uncertain beginning.”
“How can you be optimistic about this?”
“I am a prince. We have a way of getting things done.” Prince Minho smiled warmly. The assurance that he was feeling the same way as you in this absurd situation made your heart ache a little less. “Dance the night away with me, my love.”
How could you possibly refuse him?
You spent the next three dances in the circle of your prince’s arms. Sir Christopher asked for your hand for one dance but Prince Minho stole you away the moment it was over. You twirled around the ballroom, talking and laughing with one another. He searched your mind, asking about your past, your family, your life. He wanted to know your favorite meals, your favorite colors, artists, and flowers. He, in turn, told you all about his favorites.
More and more things began to line up between the two of you. With every new thing in common, it became extremely apparent why he was your soulmate. He was your perfect match in every way. He was everything you ever could have wanted in a life partner. He was charming, witty, a fantastic dancer, and he cared deeply about his country and his duties.
Eventually, Prince Minho led you from the dance floor and onto the terrace outside. The air was cool against your skin and you hadn’t realized you’d been sweating. The party continued behind you, grand and gold. There were three sets of tall glass doors that were propped open between the terrace and the ballroom. There were fewer people outside, so it gave you and your Prince a quieter place to talk.
And talk you did. For hours it seemed, you spoke and shared things about your life. There wasn’t much for you to share but you wanted to know every detail about him.
“You must be dreading your marriage.” You sighed.
“I am… but I know it must be done. The last thing I want is to be with someone who isn’t my soulmate. However, I understand that it is what I must do. My father would have wanted me to do the same as him.” Prince Minho explained. “In the garden earlier, I was prepared to run away from it all. I still wish I could escape. However, now I know that I cannot escape my duty.”
“The same as your father? What do you mean by that?” You asked. You bit down the stinging pain in your chest from all the talk of him marrying another. Though, you had to admit that it made sense.
“My mother was not his soulmate, you see. He never told me who it was but I’m not sure that they ever got to be together before he died.”
“Your parents managed to have children, though! That is an accomplishment! I heard that fertility rates between non-soulmates is very low.”
“I think it worked because my mother has never met her soulmate. She truly loved my father and I believe that it was her love that made my sister and I come into existence. Or maybe it was pure luck.”
“Do you believe in true love? Love that isn’t born of soulmates?”
“Well, I suppose I’ve never thought about it. I don’t think that I have ever loved anyone before. I fancied a few of the ladies when I was younger, but I always knew that I would either find my soulmate one day or I would have to live without them.” Prince Minho gazed out into the garden. The paths were lined with torches that cast a golden glow on the ground. Two or three lone couples strolled through the garden.
“I apologize, My Prince. We can discuss something else.”
“Angel, it is alright. There is no way you could upset me.” Prince Minho assured you.
He reached out and cupped your cheek with his hand. He guided your head to make sure you were looking directly into his eyes. “This situation is less than ideal but it is in no way your fault. It’s crazy. It feels as if I’ve known you all my life.”
“I know… I wish I didn’t have to leave.”
“I wish you didn’t have to go.”
Minho guided your face a little closer to his and pressed a fleeting kiss onto your cheek. His soft lips lingered on your skin for a few long seconds. His musky scent filled your nose and overwhelmed your senses. You closed your eyes and breathed him in. Something deep in your core wished that he would have kissed your lips instead.
However, all good things come to an end.
“HEAR YE, HEAR YE.” A voice boomed from inside the ballroom, “ALL SUBJECTS APPEAR BEFORE THE QUEEN FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.”
Prince Minho pulled away from you and looked towards the ballroom. The music had stopped and all of the guests were venturing towards the center of the room to listen to the announcement. He turned to look back at you.
“It’s time, my love.” Prince Minho offered you his hand.
Your lower lip quivered and you blinked back the tears brimming in your eyes. You stared at his hand. You forced yourself to swallow a sob. Gently, you took his hand. He led you back into the ballroom. The stifling heat made it nearly impossible to breathe. Your chest ached. Your heart pounded in your ears.
Once you got deep enough into the room, Prince Minho pulled you to a careful stop. He looked deeply into your eyes for a few long seconds. You stared back, desperately trying to memorize the way his eyes glowed like honey in the candle light. They sparkled a little and with a start you wondered if he was about to cry.
“I’m going to miss you.” He whispered.
“And I you.”
He gently pulled you closer. You thought for a moment that he was going to kiss you. The air between you thinned as his face inched closer. He cupped your cheek in his hand and pressed your foreheads together.
“Your lady is Lady Joy, correct?”
“Lady Joy Park.” You affirmed.
“I will send for you this evening, my love. Fear not, this will not be the last time we see each other.”
With that, he vanished into the crowd. His hand dropped from your face and he let go of your hand. The other guests of the party bustled around you. The air in the ballroom ran hot, but you shivered. You searched the faces around you desperately, hoping that perhaps he would emerge from the crowd and come back to you.
Prince Minho did emerge from the crowd, but only when he stepped back up onto the platform and reclaimed his throne. His stoic face was set and he stared blankly into the crowd. Your eyes welled up with tears and you blinked to try to keep them at bay.
How were you supposed to go on without your soulmate? All you wanted to do was run up to the throne and tell the entire room that he was yours and that no one else could have him.
Almost as if she read your thoughts, Lady Joy appeared at your side. She took your hand and gave you a reassuring squeeze.
“How did it go?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
The Queen cleared her throat so loudly the chandeliers quivered. She rose to her feet and instantly all chatter in the room ceased. Someone coughed.
“It is with regret that I inform you that our dear prince has not found his soulmate.” The Queen began, “Despite all of our efforts to find his destined partner we were unsuccessful. However, we still have call for celebration this evening. I am happy to announce Prince Minho’s betrothal to Princess Anna from the Roman Kingdom! The nuptials will be held next week and invitations to the event and the following balls will be sent henceforth! They will honeymoon on the island Sicily, where our dear princess was born before they return home to us. Please, let us congratulate the lucky couple!”
Everyone in the room applauded politely. Prince Minho rose to his feet and bowed before sitting back down.
You were absolutely positive that you were going to be sick.
“Lady Joy?”
“Yes, Y/N?”
“Get me out of here.”
Joy wasted no time.
She tugged on your hand, urging you to follow her. She weaved through the crowd of people. On your way, the man you remembered as Lord Peter stopped Lady Joy. They whispered to each other for a few seconds, including something about a promise to see each other again soon. With that, Joy set off again. Lady Joy beelined towards the doors and urged the guards to open them. They gave her a puzzled look, but followed her silent command.
Your lady pulled you into the hallway and you couldn’t help but glance back one more time. To your relief, or perhaps horror, Prince Minho noticed the opening of the door and his gaze found you immediately. You locked eyes one last time before Lady Joy led you down the hall, out of sight.
The heavy doors slid shut behind you, the heavy thud making you wince.
How were you supposed to leave Prince Minho behind you?
~!~!~!~!~!~
“IS SHE QUITE well?” The butler’s concerned voice carried through the large bedroom. You heard him even over your crying. You sobbed into the pillow that was damp with your tears and yet you couldn’t stop. Your body shook with crying and you could not seem to stop it. Lady Joy stood at the door, accepting a pile of dry pillows that she’d requested after you’d dampened all of the others with your tears.
“She is well, do not worry.” Lay Joy assured him.
“Should I send for a doctor?”
“Heartbreak is something a doctor cannot fix, I’m afraid. I will call for you if we require anything else.”
With that, Lady Joy shut the door and made her way back to the bed. She tossed the pillows at the foot of the bed before climbing under the luxurious duvet with you. She wrestled with the neverending fabric of the blankets and her nightgown before she settled in and returned her attention to you.
Both of you had changed out of your ballgowns as soon as you’d returned to your quarters. You managed to hold back your tears just long enough to get out of your corset. Then the waterfall began and hadn’t stopped. Joy did her best. Supplying you with things to dry your eyes and drink to keep your body from drying up but there was only so much she could do.
You told her everything. You told her about the dancing, about your conversations, and about how Prince Minho promised that he would call for you. What made it worse is that it was hours ago. You’d already gone through at least half a candle, if not more. The music from the ball could be heard faintly through the window.
“Perhaps he’s still there. It would be rude of the host to leave prematurely.” Joy reminded you.
“I can’t help it! I don’t know what to do!”
“Oh, my dear Y/N, I wish I could help you.” Joy gently stroked your hair.
“Will the pain fade?”
“Perhaps with time. It’s getting late, Y/N… you look exhausted. Let’s try to sleep okay? In the morning we can escape from this wretched place.”
Your eyes ached from crying. Your cheeks were sticky with tears. Joy grabbed one of the dry pillows from the end of the bed and replaced the one you were using. She slipped out of bed once more to blow out all of the candles in the room.
Once the room was dark, Joy slipped back into bed with you. You buried your face into the pillow and sniffled. Your eyelids grew heavy and you begged sleep, or perhaps death, to overtake you. You squeezed your eyes shut and forced yourself to think of other things.
Tomorrow you would have to spend hours doing laundry. You would be washing all of the undergarments and skirts, ironing dresses, polishing jewels. The task would probably take the entire day. The banality of your day to day work would be sure to wipe away your feelings of dread.
It must have only been moments after you drifted into a restless sleep when someone pounded on the door. Your eyes shot open and you found Joy had also been startled awake. You stared at each other for a few seconds before the pounding on the door came again. Joy abruptly sat up. She wrestled with the blankets for a few long seconds before she successfully freed herself and hurried to the door.
You sat up when the door creaked open.
“Is there a young lady here by the name of Y/N?” A male voice spoke from beyond the door.
“Y/N… is there another name?” Joy asked.
“Angel. Prince Minho sends for her.”
You perked up immediately. You threw the blankets off and clamored out of bed. Joy put a hand up and you froze in place.
“Yes, sir, she is here. Please allow me a moment and I will fetch her.” Joy spoke calmly. You bounced on the balls of your feet.
“Yes, my Lady.”
Joy shut the door and turned to you, eyes sparkling with excitement.
“Y/N, take off your nightgown.” Joy stared at you expectantly for a few seconds. “Make haste!”
~!~!~!~!~!~
YOU CHEWED ON your lower lip as you stared at the large pair of ornate double doors. The butler who had been sent to get you waited patiently nearby, waiting for your command to open them. You couldn’t explain why the nerves and fear that overwhelmed your heart as the butler led you through the dark hallways of the palace.
Perhaps it was the silence. The butler didn’t say a word to you unless to remind you to follow him. Or it was the dark hallways, lit only with a few lone candles.
Or perhaps it was the nightgown that swirled about your ankles. Joy insisted on giving you hers. Your nightgown was a plain white smock but Joy’s was made of the finest pink satin and was decorated with lace and satin flowers. It came paired with a matching silk robe that tied around your waist. The sleeves and the skirt billowed as you walked. It didn’t feel right to you to be wearing such a garment but Joy insisted. If you were meeting the prince, you had to be dressed accordingly.
You couldn’t argue with your lady so you agreed to switch nightgowns with her. Once she had yours on, she promised to get you a nicer nightdress for your birthday.
“Anytime, Miss.” The butler pursed his lips. “The prince does not like to be kept waiting.”
“Open the door, please.” You barely recognized your own voice.
The butler pulled the door open and gestured for you to enter first. You took a deep breath before striding through and into a bedroom about twenty times as ornate as the quarters provided to Lady Joy. The lofted ceiling should have made the room cold, but a large fireplace was lit ablaze and crackled away.
The door slid shut behind you. When you glanced back, the butler hadn’t followed you.
You slowly walked deeper into the room. You passed through a lush drawing room, surely meant for entertaining. A study where a large oak desk dominated the space. A door was cracked leading into a bathroom where the bathtub alone was the same size as your room back home. Until finally you reached the bedroom. A large four poster bed stood tall against one wall and a chaise and a few plush couches surrounded another active fireplace. Against the wall opposite from you stood a pair of floor to ceiling glass doors that were open and led out onto a balcony.
And there he stood. Prince Minho had his back to you and he leaned against the balcony railing. He stared off into the night. If he heard you enter, he did not say. For a few moments, you stood in the middle of his bedroom and waited. You weren’t sure if you should say something or not. Besides, it was not in your nature to speak before spoken to. You wondered what he was thinking about.
“Come, my love.” Prince Minho glanced over his shoulder and gestured for you to join him. Your feet carried you past the threshold and onto the balcony. You didn’t have a chance to see the view before you were crushed in the warmest hug you’d ever received.
Once you were close enough, Prince Minho pulled you into a tight embrace. He buried his face in your neck and breathed in deeply. His warmth enveloped you and his body hid you from the cool night air. You didn’t hesitate long before your arms wrapped around his waist and pulled him into you. The soft breeze around you ensured that his rich scent invaded your nostrils and you ached to have the smell imprinted on your very soul. You wanted to remember how he held you. He held you as if it was truly the last time.
“We will find a solution, I promise.” Prince Minho murmured into your neck.
“I wish I could stay.”
“I could command it.”
“I can’t leave my lady.”
“I can’t bear to be wed to another.” Prince Minho pulled away just enough to look at your face. “This entire kingdom should be yours.”
“As long as you are my soulmate, the entire kingdom is mine.” You assured him with a small smile. Even though your entire body ached with sadness and you wanted to cry, you couldn’t. You didn’t want to cry in his presence.
“Look at it.” Prince Minho moved behind you and wrapped his arms around your middle. He moved until you stood at the railing. “No matter the circumstance, as a prince you are my princess. When I am king you will be my only queen.”
Your breath caught in your throat at the sight and his words. From here, you could see the entire gardens as well as the golden glow coming from the ballroom. The city sprawled out around the palace, warm and alive. The lights below glittered and you could almost make out the subjects walking the streets. For them, their days were just beginning. The city extended as far as the eye could see until it met the black ocean. From there, only inky blackness.
“Look.” You pointed towards the city, “You see the clocktower?”
“I do.”
“When I have time to myself I like to go to a park nearby for a walk. I get a day off a month and I usually spend it there.” You explained, then pointed somewhere else. “I take my lady to a seamstress near the tavern over there.”
“Where do you live?” Prince Minho’s breath fanned against your ear.
“Over there.” You pointed off to the side, “Just out of sight. Beyond that spire.”
“My angel… tell me something lovely.”
“Like what?”
“It matters not. Tell me something lovely that makes you feel happy.”
“Hmm…” You mused for a few seconds, “The feeling of grass under my feet on a warm summer day. The ocean breeze through my hair. The tiny noises of a puppy. Crawling into bed after a long day. The smell of freshly baked bread. The rich scent of roses.”
“Roses… I may never look at them the same way again.” Prince Minho chuckled.
“I don’t think I will, either.” You giggled. “What about you? What are some lovely things?”
“Well…” Prince Minho’s lips pressed onto your neck and he hummed. His hair tickled your skin and you couldn’t help the giggle that came from your throat. “Your laugh is the most beautiful music I’ve ever heard. The smell of old parchment. Having a warm bath after a hunt. Biting into a perfectly crisp apple. Kissing the skin of your beloved. Pink silk nightgowns.”
Between each offering, your prince pressed a warm kiss on your skin, trailing from your neck to your shoulder. His fingers gently moved the fabric of your nightgown aside so he could press kisses on all of the skin he could. You sighed and tilted your head to the side to give him more access. Your eyes slid shut.
“Prince Minho,” you sighed when his fingertips traced your collarbones.
“To you, I am no prince. I am merely Minho.” he whispered. His fingers trailed down your chest to the silk ribbon holding your robe shut, playing with the fabric and running it through the pads of his fingers. “Will you let me love you? Let me shower you with my love and bring your body so much pleasure.”
“Pleasure like in the garden?”
“Just like that, but tenfold.”
Your body trembled with nerves, but you nodded all the same. Minho pressed soft kisses on your skin and you sighed at the feeling. He slowly pulled the ribbon free and your robe fell open for him. He smoothed his hands over your stomach and hips and you sighed at the contact. You leaned your head back to rest on his shoulder and he accepted your weight willingly. He wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly.
“You can say no,” Prince Minho whispered, “It’s okay. I can love you in more ways.”
“I want to but… I’m nervous.” You admitted. You ached to have him again, if the aching between your legs was anything to go by, but now that the soulmate urge had passed the thought of having something so… big inside of you again made your heart flutter.
“My love, I would never hurt you. We can take this as slow as you wish.”
You stayed in that position for a few minutes. Your head on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around you and holding you as close to his body as possible, both of you staring out at the kingdom below. Your mind wandered, giving you visions of royal life. Perhaps working in the palace so you could at least be closer to him. Getting to sleep in his room each night, slipping out in the morning. You could never be queen. Joy taught you to read but you never quite understood the classic literature that everyone of noble birth had to read to be educated.
You imagined attending parties, dressing up, and dancing the night away in beautiful golden ballrooms. You imagined eating food prepared by the palace cooks each and every morning. If what the cooks prepared tasted as good as what you had for dinner, you thought you could get used to this life. Honestly, you didn’t even want to be queen. Or even a princess. You just wanted to love him. Freely. Openly.
“All I want is to know you.” You whispered and Minho hummed to encourage you to keep speaking, “I want to know you inside and out. I want to grow a partnership, I want to know what you hate and I want to know what you love. I want to know how you take your breakfast, how you take your tea, your favorite walking paths, where do you hide when you need to get away from it all? I don’t want to leave in the morning.”
“Then don’t,” Prince Minho tried again but he knew your answer, “Stay with me in the palace. We could figure something out and I will make sure that you stay by my side.”
For a few long seconds, you stayed silent as you contemplated his words. As the seconds ticked on, Prince Minho heard his answer.
“I’m sorry, my lord.”
“Then let us focus on this night. Let us spend our time focusing on each other.” Prince Minho turned you around in the circle of his arms so he could gaze upon your face. His eyes glistened with tears and you wished you could take his pain away. “Please… call me Minho.”
“Prince-”
“No,” he cut you off, pressing his lips to your forehead for a few seconds, “Just… Minho.”
“Minho…” You breathed, “Bring me pleasure. I will bring you pleasure tenfold. Please.”
“Angel, you never have to ask.”
His lips crashed onto yours with no more ceremony. Your heart swelled at the contact and you kissed him back eagerly. His lips tasted so sweet. Your favorite sweet could never compare to his taste. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he pressed you into the balcony railing. He twisted his head a little and kissed you deeper. You accepted everything he had to give you.
Minho put his hands on your shoulders and pushed the robe off. The fabric pooled around your waist and he started on working the robe off your arms but you pulled away a little.
“Wait. Not here.” You whispered. Minho pulled away from you.
“No one can see us up here, Angel.”
“Still… I… I don’t want to lose the robe. It belongs to my lady.” You admitted.
“When you are mine, I will give you hundreds of nightgowns made of the finest silk in all the land.” Minho pressed warm kisses on your jawbone and neck as he spoke, trailing his lips along your skin and leaving trails of fire in his wake.
“I’m already yours.”
“Don’t you forget it.”
With that, Minho swept you up into his arms and carried you bridal style back into his room. You yelped when you initially lost your footing but giggled as he carried you. You held onto him and nuzzled your nose into his neck. Minho paused in the middle of his room and looked towards the fireplace then towards his bed on the other end of the room. After a few moments of deliberation, he made his way over to the bed and gently laid you down on the plush mattress. He was over you in an instant, pressing his knees on either side of your hips.
“Angel, I want to see you this time. I want to see all of you.”
Minho’s hands ran over the fabric of your nightgown. His eyes trailed over your curves. His hands moved to gently cup your breasts. He squeezed them and pushed them together to watch them swell under the fabric. His thumbs ran over your pebbled nipples and you gasped at the surprisingly pleasant feeling that came from it. Minho smiled softly and repeated the action again and again, rubbing his thumbs in circles around your nipples. Your back arched into him and your eyes slid shut so you could enjoy the stimulation.
He moved one of his knees to press at the seam between yours. Your legs easily fell open to accommodate him. Minho leaned down to capture your lips in a searing kiss. He resumed his task of helping the robe off your body. You assisted him by pulling your arms out of the sleeves and tugging the offending fabric away so it could pool on the ground. Minho gripped your thighs and worked on pushing the silky fabric up your legs so he could touch your bare skin.
Your hands busied themselves with pulling his blouse up and over his head. He broke the kiss briefly to rip his shirt off and toss it on the floor before kissing you again. He didn’t give you the chance to admire his figure, but your hands traced his strong shoulders and strong chest and abdominal muscles.
That telltale arousal began to pool between your legs. The same heat you felt in the garden licked up your spine and made the junction between your legs ache. Your hips unconsciously rolled upwards, only to catch on Minho’s pants. The sudden friction made a moan slip from your lips. Minho pulled away with a gasp.
“Please make that sound again. I will worship the ground you walk on.” Minho moaned out. He pressed his thigh closer to the apex between your legs until it pressed firmly against your heat. You gasped at the contact but winced when you remembered that Joy’s silk gown still covered you. You grasped the skirt and pulled it up over your hips and Minho moaned again. “Nothing underneath, angel? Were you hoping I would fuck you?”
Mindlessly, you nodded, choosing not to remind him that it was, in fact, him who ripped your undergarments to the point where they could not be used. Instead, you pressed your core against his thigh and moaned at the pleasure that sparked through you. Minho flexed his thigh and urged you to grind against him. Your hips moved slowly as you got used to the rhythm and the new pleasure. You whimpered as the pleasure grew but you weren’t sure if you would be able to climax like you did in the garden.
“More,” you whimpered thoughtlessly.
“My angel wants more?” Minho cooed. He stared down at you with such awe, as if perhaps there was an actual angel below him. “What do you want? I shall give it to you.”
“I…” you trailed off, your mind going blank, “I don’t know. I want you to touch me.”
With that, Minho pulled his knee away and pushed your nightgown up to expose your core to him. Instinctively, you parted your legs a little more. Minho’s gaze flickered down to your center and pulled his lower lip between his teeth. Your folds glistened in the low glow from the fireplace across the room. Minho moved a hand and gently swiped one of his fingers through your folds and brought it to his mouth. His eyes rolled back in his head at the taste of you.
“Angel, can I taste you properly?” Minho’s gravely voice sent a wave of arousal through you.
“You just did…”
“I want to put my tongue on you.” Minho slowly lowered down the bed until his face hovered just above your core, “If it’s too much tell me to stop.”
With that, Minho flattened his tongue against you and your back instantly arched off the bed. You let out a choked gasp as the dizzying sensation swept through you. His warm, wet tongue licked through your folds, mapping every ridge and dip and curve. He swirled his tongue around your opening to gather your wetness in his mouth before he moved up to suck on your clit. A keening moan left your throat as he sucked and nipped at the little bud. You couldn’t stop the small moans and gasps you let out as Minho’s tongue played with you.
“You taste so good, angel.” Minho moaned.
He licked down to your entrance and slowly wiggled his tongue past the barrier. He moaned against your core and pushed his tongue deeper into you. You moaned at the feeling and tilted your hips up to chase his face, as if he had any intention to move. He lapped at your walls greedily, like a man who’s never tasted water before. Minho’s eyes slid shut as he savored your warmth in his mouth. His nose nudged your clit with every few pushes of his tongue and it was enough to build the most amazing feeling in your stomach.
You recognized that feeling now, it was the same one from the garden. As if on instinct, you reached for his head to keep him against you before you paused, realizing that this was the prince you were about to touch without permission. He’d told you a hundred times that you could, but the doubt still hovered.
As if reading your thoughts, Minho reached up and grabbed your wrist. He led your hand to the back of his head before hooking his arm under your leg to hold you against him. Your fingers slid through his silky locks easily. You gasped out at a particularly harsh suck and you gripped his hair tightly. Minho let out a moan into your pussy and the vibrations, in turn, made you moan.
Minho refocused his efforts, moving up to wrap his lips and tongue around your little clit. His other hand slid between you until his fingertips prodded at your swollen hole. You gasped at the contact, but tilted your hips up to chase the feeling. You could feel him smile against you. The coil within you tightened and you gasped.
“Aw, sweet girl, are you going to cum?” Minho cooed.
“Yes! Yes, please, I need more.” you moaned out.
“You want my fingers?” Minho drew a small circle around your hole with a fingertip.
“Fuc- yes!” You choked out a moan when he pushed one finger into the knuckle.
“Mm, you’re so tight.” Minho murmured those last words right against your clit before sucking it into his mouth.
You were certain you had died and gone to heaven. The added stimulation of his finger and the incessant swirls of his tongue sent you hurtling towards a release in record time. Like the wave inside of you, your moans also rose like a crescendo. Growing in pitch and frequency, you couldn’t hold them back. You gripped onto Minho’s hair like a lifeline as the pleasure peaked.
“Cumming- sir! Sir, I’m cumming, please!” You all but shrieked as you came into his mouth.
Your legs shook, even as Minho slowed his ministrations to ride you through it. Even though he’d just given it to you, he pulled his finger out and moved his face a little lower so he could lap gently at your pulsing hole. You quivered and moaned as wave after wave of pleasure washed over you until it slowly turned to pain. After one soft lap, you winced and let go of Minho’s hair.
He took this as a sign and pulled away from you. He sat back on his knees and tilted his head back. He closed his eyes and rested his hands on your legs, just to keep some form of physical contact with you. You watched as he ran his tongue along his lips as if to gather every single drop of your sweet essence.
“You’re so beautiful when you cum.” Minho commented, opening his eyes once more to look into yours.
“I want to make you cum, too,” you declared, sitting up and placing your hands on his hips.
His noticeable and very neglected erection strained in his pants. You kept your eyes on his as you moved your palm to gently cup him. Minho’s eyes fluttered shut at the contact for a moment before he opened them once more to look at you. He cupped your cheeks in his hands as you palmed him through his pants.
“And you will do so once I am inside of you.” Minho’s low voice slid easily down your spine and you shivered.
“But Minho… Can I taste you, too?”
“How can I say no to that when you’re looking at me so sweetly?”
Minho’s nimble fingers immediately got to work on the laces on his pants. He flopped down on the bed next to you and worked his pants off his hips until they were a forgotten pile on the floor. His shirt was thrown on the floor next, leaving him completely bare. His fingers played with the hem of your nightdress and his eyes twinkled.
Slowly, you lowered yourself to get a closer look at his cock. Long, thick, and heavy. The dark pink head oozed precum and you licked your lips in anticipation. You could hardly believe that this is the thing that had just been inside of you this morning. Only a few hours ago, this thing had made you cum so hard and it was about to do it again.
Unable to wait any longer, you leaned forward to press a wet kiss to the leaking head. Minho moaned on contact, throwing his head back into the plush pillows as you suckled it into your mouth. You ran your tongue over the velvety skin, sighing as he leaked more precum. Salty and musky but overall not unpleasant. Minho’s deft fingers swept through your hair and pulled it back so it wouldn’t get in the way. You lifted your gaze to meet his and he just about blew his load right there.
You looked so sweet, gently sucking on the head of his cock while looking at him innocently through your eyelashes. Your petal pink nightgown hung down just enough for him to get a clear look at your tits that swelled with each breath. The sight alone made him moan louder.
“Am I doing it right?” You pulled away slightly to blink at him.
“Fuck, yes.” He responded, laughing softly, “Keep going.”
Not one to refuse an order from your future king, you lowered your head and put him back in your mouth. Minho moaned softly, the sweet noise encouraging you to take a little more of him. Minho panted as he watched you take more and more of him until your nose lightly grazed his stomach. His tip prodded the back of your throat and you choked a little. Minho rolled his hips up into your mouth and you let out a little gasp.
“Run your tongue along it.” Minho guided you.
You wasted no time and swirled your tongue along the underside of his cock. You bobbed your head up and down his length, swirling your tongue as you went. Occasionally you rose all the way up and sucked on the head like you would a cube of ice on a hot day. This action would make him whimper and writhe under you. Every time he made a noise of pleasure, your core clenched and dripped even more for him. You couldn’t wait to take him again.
Minho used the grip he had on your hair to guide you up and down his length. He kept his eyes on your lips as you accepted him into your warm, wet mouth time and time again. The knot in his stomach kept tensing, threatening to spill his release down your throat but he wasn’t done receiving all the the pleasure your body could give him. Maybe one day he would paint your face and lips in his cum, but today was not that day,
All too soon, he pulled you off of him roughly. He tugged you up to be face to face so that he could kiss you. His plush lips caressed yours hungrily, coaxing your tongue into his mouth to suck on. If he minded the salty taste of his precum on your lips, he didn’t say anything. Just like you didn’t say anything about the taste of yourself on his tongue.
“If I don’t fuck you right this instant, I may die.” Minho murmured against your lips.
“How do you want me, my love?”
“Naked.”
Minho clawed at your nightdress and pulled it over your head. The flimsy fabric joined the pile on the floor. The air hit your exposed chest and your nipples perked immediately. His hands came to gently cup your breasts and he kneaded them slowly. His thumbs gently traced matching circles around your nipples and pleasure sparked through you with every touch. You arched your back, pushing your chest into his hands more. Minho grinned mischievously before he leaned up and closed his lips around one of your hardened buds.
“Oh!” You gasped as his tongue circled your nipple. His teeth caught on the sensitive peak and you moaned and threw your head back. “Minho!”
“Yes, angel, tell me who’s making you feel good.” Minho whispered as he moved his mouth to your other breast and latched on. He sucked and swirled his tongue on your nipple like he would die tomorrow and the only thing that could save him was you and the essence you could promise him. “Just imagine these beautiful works of art filled with milk for our baby, hm?”
“Yes,” The thought of bearing his child sent another wave of arousal through you. Though you knew it would never happen, you decided to let him play into the fantasy.
“My angel, you would look so beautiful. Giving our baby life, giving me life.” Minho sucked harshly on your nipple and switched one last time to the other side. “I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from tasting you every day.”
“Minho!” You moaned when he lightly bit down on your swollen nub.
“Good girl.” Minho pulled away with a quiet pop and blew onto your damp skin. The cold stream of air on your wet breast made you shiver. “Lay down. I want to see your face when I enter you.”
You scrambled onto your back, your hands hastily brushing your hair out of your face as Minho crawled over you. As natural as opening your eyes in the morning, you opened your legs for him. He smiled as he settled between your thighs. His cock brushed your inner thigh and you both shuddered at the contact. He buried his head into your neck and sighed. He breathed you in, kissing your skin deeply.
“Minho, please.” You urged, your hands finding purchase on his slim waist and pulling him closer to you. Your core ached, wet and empty.
“I’m going to make love to you now. If you need me to stop, tell me and I will.” Minho rolled his hips into yours. His cock slid through the wet lips of your pussy and caught on the hood of your clit.
“I never want you to stop.”
Minho moaned into your neck and kissed his way up to your lips. He kissed you deeply, dipping your tongue into your mouth to drink in your moans. One of his hands dipped between your bodies to grasp his cock. He ran the tip through your soaked pussy, pushing it against your clit to illicit moans and gasps from you. Each pass made your hole even more soaked and empty.
“Angel, you feel so good.”
“Put it in.” You whined.
Minho pulled back from you just enough so that he could watch your face when he pushed into you. The head breached your hole and you let out a keening moan. Your hooded eyes watched his face contort into pleasure as he slowly inched inside of you. His length caressed your walls as he sunk in, inch by glorious inch. His eyes never left yours, even when he hit a dead end.
He bottomed out, his thighs pressed firmly into yours. You could have sworn the tip of his cock was hitting the back of your throat.
“You look so beautiful when you’re full of my cock.” Minho moaned. His skin was tinted a rose color and the vein in his neck looked close to popping. “You’re so tight, Angel, I could cum right now.”
“So full,” you choked out, hardly able to form words around the stretch of him in your cunt.
“Wanna fill you up even more, Angel.” Minho buried his face in the crook of your neck again. He rocked into you slowly, hardly even moving at all. If he moved too much too fast he was worried that he would cum far too quickly. Your tight heat choked his cock and coated him in your sweet wetness. His slight movements in and out of you made your pussy squelch around him.
“Move,” You begged.
“I’m going to make you cum so hard.” Minho promised.
With that, he pulled his hips back until just his head remained sheathed by your walls. Then he pushed forwards with all the force he could muster and your combined moans were like music. Your cunt clamped onto his cock as he fucked you with earnest. He rolled his hips into yours slowly but with so much force behind them that you were sure you’d be sore tomorrow.
Tonight, you couldn’t care less.
You rolled your hips up to meet every thrust. Minho’s precise thrusts rubbed against all of the perfect spots inside of you. His girth stretched you wide and you wondered how it was possible that there would be enough room inside of you for his cum.
Minho wasn’t faring with that thought any better. Your tight cunt gripped him like a vice. Every time he entered you, you clenched so tightly that he was worried that every thrust might be his last. The last time he fucked you, things had gone by quickly and he hadn’t had the time to really feel you. This time, he was careful with his thrusts so he could feel every inch of your slick walls around his aching cock. Your walls clenched and clamped onto him.
“Angel, you feel so good,” Minho moaned, leaning down to suck a mark into your neck, “I don’t think I’ll last.”
“Me either.”
You were surprised with how quickly the pleasure mounted within you. Your core ached like before, but this wasn’t a quick fuck like in the rose garden. Minho was making sure that you could feel every single inch of him and that he could feel every ridge and bump of your walls.
When he fucked you behind the rose bushes it was quick and rushed. He’d pounded into you like he was going to die if he didn’t. The orgasm he’d coaxed you through was powerful and quick.
This, however, was the exact opposite of that. Each movement was slow and calculated. Each deliberate roll of his hips made you shudder with pleasure. It was like he was trying to get his entire cock into you with every thrust while also taking the time to feel every inch.
“Faster,” you choked out.
“Want to feel you, angel.” Minho grunted, “Want to feel you cum on my cock. Can you do that?”
“I-it’s too much-” you choked after a particularly brutal thrust.
“Come on, love, I know you can do it.”
Minho’s hands trailed down your body, to your legs, to hook under the back of your knees. He hiked your legs up until you had your ankles hooked behind his back. This gave him a new angle to thrust into you. His pubic bone grazed deliciously against your clit with every pass. You were certain that you would lose consciousness at any moment.
“I can’t.” You sighed out.
“It’s okay, angel. Just relax and let me take care of you.” Minho urged.
Only moments later, the string in your tummy pulled taut. You moaned softly into his neck as he delivered each of his perfect thrusts. Your back arched off the bed and you pushed your hips up to meet his. This created the most beautiful and intense pressure in your cunt.
“You’re squeezing me so tight! Are you about to come?” Minho moaned into your ear and you nodded. “Good girl, let me feel it.”
It was like your body waited for his command. Your orgasm crashed over you and you couldn’t stop yourself from throwing your head back and letting out the loudest moan of the night. Minho continued fucking you through it, chanting words of praise into your ear. Your cunt squeezed the dear life out of him and he wasn’t sure how much longer he’d last. You tightened your legs around him in order to keep him inside you.
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere,” He promised, “I’m going to come inside of you, mark you as mine so you keep a piece of me with you wherever you go.”
“Yes,” You moaned out, still shaking through your powerful orgasm.
It was all the confirmation he needed to bury himself as deep inside you as he could to release. The warm sensation of cum filling you up spread through your belly. Your pussy spasmed around his length, milking him for every single drop. He thrusted into you shallowly a few times until he was completely empty.
Finally, your legs dropped from around his waist and he took that as a sign to carefully pull out of your spent hole. Minho sat up on his knees to watch as his softening cock left your tight hole. His cock was coated with your slick and shone in the low light from the fireplace.
He collapsed on the bed next to you and wasted no time in pulling you into him. Minho held you tightly, neither of you minding the tacky stick of your sweat-slicked skin. You clung to him as well, burying your face into his neck. Together, you came down from your highs, breathing hard and holding one another tight.
“Please stay.” Minho whispered into your hair, “I won’t command it, but will you please stay with me until dawn?”
“Yes, Minho. I promise, I’ll stay.”
~!~!~!~!~!~
THE CALL OF the rooster roused you from your sleep well before you were ready. Your eyes peeled open and the sun had barely even kissed the horizon. You sighed and pushed the blankets away and sat up. You glanced up at the pink silk nightgown that hung from your door. Lady Joy refused to let you give it back, but you couldn’t bear to wear it again.
Gone were the fine silks and wools of the Prince’s palace bedroom. Here to stay were your maids quarters with its scratchy sheets and windows that you could never quite get clean. You gently lifted your hand to touch your lips. Those very lips had touched the Prince’s months ago.
Slipping out of bed that morning had nearly gutted you, but you redressed in your lady’s silk gown and returned to her quarters. All before the prince even awoke.
Eons ago. The ball and the roses and the gowns were eons ago. So why did you still feel his touch on your skin? Why could you still hear the orchestra playing the waltz that your prince whisked you away to?
You were thankful that his wedding bells hadn’t rung on your day off for the month. Lady Joy attended the ceremony but left you at home with a long list of chores to complete. Most of them were mindless busywork but she knew to keep you distracted.
Since the ceremony, life simply returned to normal. Your daily tasks resumed and you cared for your lady to the best of your ability. Which, as of late, was not much. Lady Joy did her best to be accommodating, which you were more than thankful for. You just wanted to get back to work. You had a feeling that the grace she was giving you was beginning to frustrate her mother.
You forced yourself out of bed and you quickly dressed. You swallowed down the wave of nausea that climbed up your throat and made your way to Lady Joy’s chambers. The curtains were drawn and the embers of a fire crackled in the fireplace. Lady Joy was curled up in the center of the bed, fast asleep. Her light snores provided some white noise as you rekindled the fire and prepared her vanity for her morning routine.
Eventually, you flung open the curtains and the warm light from the sun streamed into the room. You sighed as it hit your skin, basking in the warmth for a few moments. Joy groaned behind you and shoved her head under her pillow.
“Rise and shine, my Lady. You have many duties to attend to today.” You chided her.
“Like what?” Joy groaned, muffled by the pillow.
“There is a tea party this afternoon. Duchess Loh is hosting and is expecting your attendance. Then Lady Mina is requesting your presence at dinner this evening.” You explained, moving from the drapes to the closet. You threw open the doors and perused the gowns available for the day. You were admittedly a little behind in your laundry.
“I think we should cancel.” Joy groaned, “I’m feeling quite ill today.”
“Ill? Are you alright?” You retreated from the closet to sit on the edge of her bed.
“My stomach is turning. I’ve been feeling ill for several days.” Joy gently rubbed her stomach. “It usually passes in the evening but perhaps dinner disagreed with me?”
“For the last several days? That sounds quite serious. Perhaps I should call for the doctor?” You cleared your throat, wondering if you should tell her that you’d been feeling the exact same way.
“Perhaps it is simply the pain of my courses. I’m supposed to bleed soon, right?” Joy finally pulled her face from the pillow and sat up.
“Have you not begun yet?”
“No…” Joy trailed off. “Oh, lord have mercy. The ball was three months ago now, right?”
“I suppose so. Oh no…” You trailed off, “My Lady, what happened when I left for the Prince’s chambers?”
“I… made a promise not to say a word.” Joy chewed on her lower lip, “Sir Peter came to find me. We had such a stimulating conversation and he wanted to continue it. It was an accident, but we touched and…”
“Lady Joy!” You gasped, covering your mouth with your hands, “Why has he not come to call?”
“He’s from Rome, like our princess. He left the next morning.” Joy wailed, a dam breaking within her and her tears flowed down her cheeks. “Dear Y/N, I am so sorry I didn’t tell you! I thought you wouldn’t want to hear it after everything with the prince and-”
“You need not apologize to me, my Lady.” You took her in your arms and patted her hair while she cried for a few minutes, “I know it must be so difficult to be without him.”
“It feels like my heart has been torn from my chest!”
“My Lady, please let me fetch the doctor. If you are with child then we must know. While he’s here, I think he should see me, too.” You winced as you spoke.
Lady Joy pulled away from you instantly, her eyes as wide as saucers. Her eyes dipped from your face down to your stomach. You chewed on your lip, wondering if it was seriously possible that both of you were with child at the same time. You hadn’t experienced the nausea that most women report but you noted that your courses were late last month, and certain smells that once pleased you were now nauseating.
“Would that mean that…” Joy trailed off.
“I believe so, miss.”
“Fetch the doctor.” Joy scrambled out of bed and threw the drapes closed. “And… fetch mother. I fear we will need to retire to the countryside for the rest of the season.”
Your hand drifted to your stomach, now churning with fear. You met Joy’s eyes and for a moment. Anxiety swirled between you as the consequences of your actions hovered over your shoulders.
For a moment, both you and Joy remained still.
Then, you did what you do best. You rose to your feet and walked head-first into your duties and your future. Without your prince.
#minho smut#lee know smut#stray kids smut#skz minho smut#lee know angst#skz lee know angst#stray kids angst#soulmate au#skz minho imagine#lee know imagine#lee know x reader#lee know x you#lee know x y/n#skz smut#rose garden#skz angst#skz imagines#lee minho smut#im bad at tags
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Stream Recap, ZombieCleo, 6/09/24
((Since the first few of these I did seem to be going over well so far, I'm doing some more and we'll see how it goes. I am going to call them Recaps from now on though, because in almost every case I'm working off the VOD, pausing, going back to figure out who said and did what, etc. This Recap is from Cleo's Twitch VOD for Sunday, 6/09. I watched the stream live but parts of it were moving much too fast to note down accurately!))
0:00 Cleo goes live. She is on the Hermitcraft server, in the front yard of her base. She says hello to everyone, especially the weirdos in chat. She realizes the chat has been left in emote-only mode and turns them back on. She tells Chat she has just gone through her mail and there is a lot of it. She got two horn-of-the-month club deliveries at once, and she needs to meet with Joel about armor stand work. She has a sand and gravel coupon and a Mission Possible mission, so much to do!
1:40 Cleo goes into the house, warning Chat as she goes that she has “lored” in here. There are eight books she has written just for this room, all for the lore. She goes back outside and spots Cakebot on the roof, then laughs about how she always sees the bot and, thanks to the long distance and long nametag, thinks it’s Scar sneaking up on her.
2:40 Time to get started! Cleo shows off the Tower, which needs to be dug out into a tower base. They say they are actually working today which doesn’t happen often, especially this past week or two. Cleo has been too sick to reasonably work and so has been taking a sensible rest. A chatter asks if Cleo is going to die today. Cleo says they are feeling better, somewhat, and not going to die. The cats are fighting in the background.
4:20 A chatter asks why their message was deleted. Cleo tells them to read the rules. She greets Cam the mod.
5:30 A chatter engages Cleowo mode. Cleowo interacts with the chat and thanks subs. Today is the first day Cleo has been feeling well enough to go outside in awhile. She quotes The Little Mermaid as a prose poem. The Little Mermaid was the first movie Cleo got to watch in the cinema, and that’s how old she is. A chatter plays a spicy jelly bean. Cleo says they also moved into the new office, which is mostly clean and painted and pretty.
7:45 Cleo leaves to get tissues and wishes everyone a happy Pride. She needs birch wood for the build and goes to find it in the basement. Cleowo mode ends. She thanks subs and donos as she navigates through her base.
9:20 Back at the tower build, Cleo needs to figure out something to do with the roof. They contemplate maybe blocking it off entirely. Chat is trying to remember their first Disney movies. Cleo assures them that this is not a quiz and they don’t need to remember or share that information. ((For the record: the animated The Little Mermaid released in the UK in October 1990. This probably makes Cleo slightly younger than the livestreamer, whose first Disney theater experience was Who Framed Roger Rabbit.))
10:30 A chatter asks if this will be on the test next week. Cleo adopts an extremely ominous voice to reply that nothing will be on the test next week because “NEXT WEEK DOESN’T EXIST!… because it’s an abstract concept.” A chatter plays a cheerful musical sting that makes the whole thing sound like the last punchline in a sitcom.
10:40 A chatter says they will not disclose their first movie because they are too old. Cleo says they are not going to force anyone to disclose anything in chat, movie telling is not mandatory. Everyone is cool here, no narcs allowed in the chat. The mod reminds Chat not to get specific about ages. Cleo agrees and promises that one of these days she will remember to support the mods on that issue, but possibly not soon. Cleo lines up a zinger on herself, delivers it, says that was mean and blames chat for it.
12:00 Back to design talk. Chat continues talking about movies and theatrical productions. Cleo removes most of the mangrove from inside the tower in order to replace it with sandstone. She agrees that the Lion King musical is great and reminds Chat that she is very tired. Being sarcastic all the time can be a problem for her because people don’t always understand it and can become offended very quickly. Chat likes that Cleo is sarcastic. Cleo points out that the people who do get offended tend to leave and then badmouth her on the internet. Her first inclination is to ask them to come back, but then she realizes they would not do well in her chat anyway and so she doesn’t care very much.
15:00 Cleo tells a story of someone who didn’t understand their sarcasm, who got very offended when they said Cleo was wonderful and she replied “I know.” Chat is definitely on Cleo’s side for this one. A chatter says content creators don’t owe the attention of sub thanks to their audience, but Cleo believes that it is important to thank donos and subs, though sometimes she does miss things. She says she is known for being a screwup, even as she misjudges the blocks she is placing for her new wall. She sighs.
17:00 A chatter asks if Cleo is doing anything for Pride. They answer that they do not like in-person events because they are not good with large groups of people, but does participate in Pride things online. Being a member of the community, they feel, gives them a pass on having to do too much stuff. Cleo did enjoy MCC Pride. The tower area is clean now, but needs shaping and a couple of floors.
19:00 Cleo organizes her inventory for building. She has a lot of stuff she doesn’t want or need. She finds sixteen anvils and wonders sarcastically where those could have come from. She needs spruce but doesn’t think she has any. A chatter asks why she doesn’t use background music. Cleo explains that she has an Epidemic Music license for her main channel but not one for the VODs channel where this will be uploaded, and YouTube Music has neither sufficient music nor a good player. Other solutions for royalty-free music has gotten streams muted in the past because of YouTube’s overenthusiastic AI. They tell chat that if Chat has any good suggestions, they are listening. A chatter suggests using the Hotdogs on Your Face song exclusively, but Cleo jokingly claims not to have enough cards for that. Cleo has forgotten what they are doing.
23:50 Cleo thanks the subs. She remembers that she was putting in floors. A chatter plays the Hotdogs On Your Face song. Cleo is now hyperaware of the lack of background music. She says that she is not going to upload this VOD, so she will see about doing some Epidemic music. She asks chat for what genre they want. Suggestions include “Silence,” “Lofi,” “Elevator Muzak,” and “Jazzercise.” She chooses “beach destination chill.” A chatter plays “Hug a Creeper.” Cleo says they’ll get there. A chatter asks Cleo to give some building techniques. Cleo suggests making a build more interesting by starting with a basic structure and then adding purpose-based additions. That is the easiest advice they can give, they are all tapped out for building advice. The chatter admits they were hoping to get some building skill through osmosis. Cleo sadly informs them that she has tried the same thing many times by sitting next to other hermits, but it does not work.
26:30 Cleo goes back to assembling supplies. Pixlriffs raids into the stream. Cleo welcomes the raiders and tells them that in this stream they are being obnoxious and facetious and other ous words. A chatter comments “So a normal Cleo stream?” and they respond “No, this one’s got music in.” They try to build a staircase in the tower and decide a ladder is a much better choice for the space involved. Pix’s chat tell Cleo that Pix was playing Elden Ring, a game Cleo knows nothing about. She hopes they had a fun time.
28:00 Etho is mentioned in chat (due to the “Ladders” nickname and his love of ladders). Cleo tells the chat she didn’t know about the ladders thing for a long time after meeting Etho. She didn’t know Etho before Hermitcraft and thus is much less in awe of him than folks who literally grew up watching his videos. She is aggressively _not_ an Etho fangirl. A chatter says they heard he was washed up. Cleo laughs and jokes that he washes up for supper sometimes. Chat is very enthusiastic about Etho, trying to counter Cleo’s amused dismissiveness with a list of Etho accomplishments. This is difficult because Cleo is not an Etho viewer and does not do redstone and is thus unimpressed by the Etho Hopper Clock.
30:00 Cleo decides to create a secret room to avoid having to deal with the unusually-shaped space at the edge of her base, while simultaneously trying to convince Chat that Etho is Just Some Dude. Chat is having none of it. Chat is also very in favor of Etho and Cleo as a Life Series comedic duo. A chatter mentions that Impulse also has a common redstone device named after him, the sorting system. Cleo declares this fact “cool” and reiterates that the things they know about the Hermits could fill a very small book, or maybe a pamphlet.
32:00 Cleo thanks the donos and subs, and makes a few more Etho jokes. They work on coming up with a design for the entrance to the secret room. Chat is still in Etho-mode and suggests maybe Cleo is secretly obssessed with Etho. Cleo points out that they didn’t even bring Etho up, only responded to Chat bringing him up in the first place. She assures Chat her days of not taking Chat seriously are coming to a middle. She blames Chat fully for this.
35:00 Cleo mentions new TCG cards are coming. Two of Cleo’s cards are already done and they are very good! A chatter activates Hydration time and everyone has a drink. Another chatter asks why Etho fans are here and not on Etho’s stream. Cleo laughs and asks why Etho fans are so obsessed with her. A chatter activates Posture Check Time. Cleo’s TCG cards are always good because they choose amazing artists, but they will not say too much so as not to give anything away.
37:30 A chatter asks how Cleo is feeling after Doc’s pigicide. Cleo answers “Litigious.” The tower elevator is coming together and needs signage. A chatter asks what her favorite minigame is, besides Decked Out. Cleo points out that they do not play very many minigames so don’t really have a favorite. They put signs in the elevator shaft to hold back the water.
40:00 A chatter asks what kinds of builds and genres Cleo would like to try in the future. Cleo says she mostly just builds what she is feeling at the time and doesn’t care too much about overarching themes or what other people think about it. She begins filling the elevator with water source blocks. A chatter says the build reminds them of the Owl House. Cleo does not know what the Owl House is.
42:00 Xisuma joins the server, says hello via in-game chat, and asks what Cleo is up to. Cleo tells Xisuma she is finishing her builds before Thursday, then explains to Chat that Things are happening on Thursday. Xisuma asks Cleo if Thursday is a secret. Cleo is not sure but says the details are probably a secret. Chat suspects that it is either a court case or base tours. Xisuma asks if Cleo needs anything, but they reply they are nearly ready and just have to finish building.
44:20 A chatter say that it is not difficult to guess what is happening, Cleo invites them to actually guess, if it is so easy. She says no special guests and no court case is happening, just Hermits doing Hermit stuff. A chatter says Joe mentioned base tours after the Hermitcraft meeting. Another chatter guesses update day, but Cleo explains that only Xisuma cares about update day. Xisuma messages again to offer wood and Cleo asks for spruce for the floors.
46:30 Cleo finishes the elevator and jumps down for more supplies. A chatter plays the Feral Ghoul sound from Fallout and startles her. Cub logs onto the server and exchanges greetings.
47:30 Cleo says there are a lot of things that need to be figured out right now, like whether a particle effect from ender chests goes through slabs. They currently have a floor that seems to consist of dark gray wool, carpets, and ender chests. Cleo takes up some of the wool and carpet and begins placing slabs over the chests. The answer appears to be “kind of.” A few particles are making their way through the wood slabs. A chatter who is the maker of the Armor Poser mod proudly announces that the mod is ready for 1.21 and hopes Cleo is excited. Cleo congratulates them and endorses the mod to Chat but says she has no input on when the Hermitcraft server will actually update. Chat notices that Cleo has not confirmed or denied base tours as a possibility. Cleo says they can see why chat might think that and continues not to confirm or deny. Xisuma drops off some spruce and flies away like the Lumber Fairy. Cleo declares that X is the best and has forgotten again what she is doing. A chatter plays Sour Jellybean.
50:40 Cleo remembers it is time to Hug a Creeper. They set spawn and fly into the air, falling from a high place. They collect up their bits while gloating about being able to legally claim sour jellybeans as a business expense. Pearl signs on to the server
51:50 Cleo responds to a chat suggestion that trapdoors might let in more particles than slabs do. They make a bunch of spruce trapdoors from some of Xisuma’s logs and place some of them down, but it’s hard to see the particles in the current testing area. Cleo begins picking up the floor to move elsewhere and mentions receiving a troubling message from Pearl in the mail. She flies down to her mailbox and shows the large quantity of mail parcels she talked about at the beginning of the stream, including one that contains a single block of purpur and requests that Hermits buy more purpur from Pearl. Cleo confesses that she doesn’t like purpur at all but feels like she should maybe buy some from Pearl anyway as she clearly seems to be suffering. Chat somerwhat incoherently tries to inform Cleo that the parcel is from Joel, who lost a bet with Pearl and was forced to advertise the Purr-Purr shop and raise sales for Pearl. Cleo eventually parses what Chat is trying to say and is no longer concerned about Pearl’s message.
55:00 Cleo goes back to picking up the trial floor from the wizard tower. Pearl writes in the in-game chat that Chat has been losing her sales since 2024. Cleo tells her that purpur is gross, but because it is Pearl selling it, they will buy some. Cleo likes the look of spruce trapdoors over ender chests and decides to buy purpur in celebration. Chat asks what time it is for Pearl. Cleo believes it’s around 6am, Pearl-time. Pearl says she has a minigame to build. Cleo tries to convince her she does not have to build minigames at 6am.
57:10 Cleo arrives at the purr-purr bus and admires the new dumpster, saying it’s a good addition. She doesn’t really understand how Iskall can hate diorite so much when purpur exists and is a much better target. They shake their head over the prices in the shop but buy a bunch of chorus fruit to make end rods, plus some end stone. According to Cleo, buying purpur-adjacent things definitely counts as supporting the shop. Pearl is grateful. Cleo says that Pearl is undercharging and pays extra for all the chorus fruit. As Cleo flies away she notes that between herself and Cub, they have most of the server’s money right now.
59:30 A chatter asks what the bottom half of the vTuber looks like. Cleo adjusts their stream position to make the entire vTuber figure visible. Chat is impressed that Cleo has legs. FalseSymmetry, in stream chat, comments “omg legs (in caps)” to circumvent the stream rule against all-caps. Cleo shows off the limited set of movements available to the full-body figure, then puts the figure back in the usual place.
1:01:00 A chatter mentions that the vtuber figure can walk and can be used to replace the default character in certain games such as Valheim. Cleo confirms that it can be used for some games, like Valorant, and she could stomp around in there as Cleo if she wanted to. She cannot use the model on VR games because it is above the poly count. It’s primarily intended for vtubing. Using it for VR would be pretty rough on game performance.
1:02:15 Someone plays the Poe Poe Siren (Skizz singing the Poe Poe song) outside Cleo’s base. It is definitely Scar, who just signed onto the server. Cleo fetches their own horns and plays Skizz’s “Dang it, Scar!” horn, then yells for Scar to come back with a warrant. They go back inside just in time for Scar to play Xisuma’s “This is Illegal!” horn.
1:03:00 Cleo realizes that this is a war. She plays Etho’s “There was some kidnapping involved” horn.
Scar retaliates with his own “Trader Scar’s not going to eat you” horn.
Cleo plays Grian’s “I’m eating a curly-whirly right now” horn.
Scar plays Impulse’s “Say it and we’ll bleep it out” horn.
Cleo plays her own “Oh no-woh, not Joe-wo” horn.
Scar plays Ren’s “I’d like to see your butt, please” horn.
1:04:10 Cleo yells to Scar that she has run out of horns and demands to know where he is. Scar flies overhead and repeats the Ren horn, followed immediately by the Michael Scott “I declare Bankruptcy” horn. Cleo giggles and declares she needs to buy more horns, then remembers she has an ace in the hole. She heads for her mailbox, finds and plays the “I see you” horn from the Horn of the Month Club.
1:05:15 False logs into the server just long enough to play her own “OMG hiiiiii” horn, then logs out. Cleo play’s Gem’s “That’s Amazing!” horn. Th3Pooka raids into the stream.
1:05:45 Cleo thanks the raiders and welcomes subs. They have once again forgotten what they are doing. Chat reminds them that they are working on flooring.
1:07:00 Someone plays a horn from The Office outside. Cleo plays the “I see you” horn, explaining that even if she doesn’t see him, she has to play the horn. She returns to working on her floors. A chatter asks what program the vTuber model was made in. Cleo does not know but points the chatter to the link for the designer, MotherLyra. Zedaph suffocates in a wall.
1:08:20 Someone plays the MGM Lion horn, startling Cleo. They follow it up with a horn (maybe Etho or xB?) saying “I chop, I dig, your mom is really big.” Cleo plays the “Dang it, Scar” horn again. Someone plays Scar’s “Take a look at how big my booty is” horn. Cleo plays Tango’s “I see you” horn again and yells to Scar that she only has limited horns . Scar, who is stream-sniping, disclaims responsibility in in-game chat, even as someone plays Iskall’s “What are you doing?” horn. Cleo guesses it must be Cub. Cleo decides it’s either Scar or Cub, or both, or Pearl, or Tango, or Xisuma. Scar asks Cub in chat where the alien horn is.
1:09:50 Cleo attempts to go back to work, while admitting that they are not trying very hard to work. A chatter asks why Cleo has so many ender chests. Cleo says it is for the particle effects, then jokes it is because they have an addiction but most people don’t comment on it. In game chat, Cub tells Scar that the alien horn should be at the shop unless someone already bought it. Cleo wants to know more about the alien horn. Outside the window, Pearl plays Scar’s booty horn again and flies away. Cleo plays the “I see you” horn again. Zedaph suffocates in a wall again.
1:11:10 Cleo bemoans her own lack of horns, while Scar suggests that the alien horn has probably been sold. A chatter plays a scary noise, but Cleo is currently immune thanks to all the horn shenanigans. They go back to work, declaring loudly that they are feeling bullied, and it is because the hermits are bullying them. It’s not just one of those feelings, it is definitely bullying. Pearl assures Cleo in chat that it is only love. Cleo replies that one can bully with love, and invites Chat to “Ask me how I know.”
1:12:10 Cleo asks Cub if he’s done the Xisuma legs horn yet. Cub says not yet, but maybe for next batch. Cleo is pleased about that possibility. They want to hear the legs horn, because it is weird. False rejoins the server. Xisuma, who has been silent for a long while, asks what about his legs in game chat.
Cleo tells him they’re very pretty. Cub explains that Xisuma made a remark that tickled Cleo. X says thanks and that he never skips leg day. Cleo chuckles and mutters “nerd”
1:13:30 Cleo confesses proudly in game chat that they always skip leg day. Scar thinks someone got the alien horn from the shop and appears uncertain about what to do. A chatter plays Xisuma’s “Legs Legs Legs LEGS!” sound, which Cleo had forgotten was an available bits-reward sound on their channel. Scar plays the “Darth Vader Breathing” horn but Cleo is distracted. A chatter asks where the Legs soundbyte is from, and Cleo tells them it’s from MCC Pride where they were on a team together. Scar plays the Michael Scott “Inside Joke” horn. Cleo greets Scar and/or Pearl, possibly both or neither, whoever is out to get her, specifically.
1:15:15 Cleo talks about MCC Pride and hopes no one was expecting them to win. Scott has not officially told Cleo that they are being added to teams as a nerf, but that it’s just generally known. Cleo’s role in MCC is “ballast.” Scar asks Pearl if she bought the Alien horn, Pearl does not know what he is talking about. Someone plays the “Hello there!” horn. Cleo runs outside yelling “Oh my god, hiiii!” but no one is there. Cleo is disappointed, and asks that whoever is blowing horns at least say who they are. Chat believes it’s definitely Scar. Cleo plays the “Dang it Scar!” horn again.
1:16:45 Zedaph falls out of the world. Xisuma describes this as Zed doing Zed things. Cleo agrees and says that’s pretty much his job. A chatter asks Cleo what is their favorite “Cleo thing” to do. They say sleeping, mostly. A chatter asks if Cleo has any information on books or info about lgbtq+ issues. Cleo says not really, they don’t read up on it much, just experience it from their own perspective. They refer the chatter back to the chat for recommendations.
1:19:00 A chatter asks why the floor only has a certain number of ender chests under it. Cleo explains that it’s going to be a summoning circle, and the ender chests are in a circle under the floor to provide particles in that exact spot. A chatter asks about using a spore blossom for more effect, but Cleo explains the range is too wide. A chatter plays sour jellybean. Another chatter plays a door noise. Cleo turns the music back on. A chatter notes that Cleo now has a convenient crawlspace under the floor. Cleo agrees, but says they did not plan it that way, because planning is for losers. She parenthetically adds that she is a loser. Zedaph blames Tango for his untimely death in in-game chat. Cleo agrees that most things are Tango’s fault.
1:21:30 A chatter asks how people are playing noises and jellybeans, Cleo explains the Streamloots program. Another chatter admits that they have read a great deal of fiction and anecdotes about the lgbtq+ experience, but not much nonfiction and nothing to really recommend. Cleo agrees that this seems pretty common, and talks about how if mainstream sources won’t provide gayness, the community will make it for themselves. A chatter plays Favorite Things, and Cleo says mostly intangible things, like the way you feel in the morning when the sun is rising and you know people you hate are suffering. She says she doesn’t understand why people think she’s so sinister all the time. She also likes petrichor.
1:23:45 Cleo begins texturing the new floor with slightly lower trapdoors in places. They talk with Chat about queerness in history and how it is difficult to know exactly what it was like in the past because so many things were different. They reorganize their inventory again and go into the mines to find a box of crystals for decoration. Cleo is too tired for in-depth discussion on these serious topics and just needs to get some crystals. A chatter puts the chat into emote-only mode, Cleo refers to that as the “Cleo says stop” button.
1:28:00 Cleo finds the geode and begins harvesting crystals. They love amethyst noises, and wants to put amethyst under carpet someplace in the build. There are not as many crystals as Cleo was hoping for, and they take some time to free up more faces on the crystal-producing blocks. “Crystals are going to become important!” she teases. She agrees with chat that amethyst needs more block variations, since it is a far nicer color than purpur. The crystal noises are very soothing.
1:31:20 Cleo says that the most annoying thing you can call a geologist is a “crystal girlie.” Chat does not understand the term. A chatter says their geologist friend doesn’t like being called a rock-licker. Cleo says rock-licker is fine and if they don’t want to be called a rock-licker they should stop licking rocks. Cleo explains that a crystal girlie is someone who believes in crystals for healing and energy alignment, rather than studying them scientifically. Chat has a discussion about eating rocks. Cleo advises that many rocks are inert and can be licked, but that one should not lick rocks instead of taking medicine. Some rocks should not be licked at all. Cleo specially advises Chat not to eat uranium and suggests (then immediately unsuggests) that they look up radium girls. ((A sad story from history of some workers who became the reason for later regulations.))
1:36:00 Cleo transforms her crystals into “charged crystals” by renaming them on an anvil, then puts them in a similarly-transformed “Lead-lined Storage Crate.” The box goes into the new tower room for decoration. A chatter plays Teeny-tiny Zombie Cleo, Cleo sings the song. Cleo looks for one of the lore books in the library room that has information about crystals. They do not find it, but find a note about crystals in a cupboard. Pearl asks in chat for verdant froglights. Joe has been buying all Etho’s stock, but Cleo has some in storage. She invites Pearl over to get some. A chatter plays spicy jellybean.
1:41:10 Pearl arrives and yells hello. Cleo provides her with several stacks of verdant froglights, even though Pearl only truly needed four. Pearl is happy for the extra froglights because she likes the green tinged light. Cleo says green-tinge is the best tinge. Pearl says that pearlescent froglights are also pretty great. Cleo says they’re not her favorite. Pearl says she’ll let that slide because Cleo has been so generous and flies away. Cleo blesses Pearl’s little cotton socks and calls her adorable.
1:42:30 A chatter says that Pearl was their first introduction to Hermitcraft. Cleo says that is valid but also unusual, Pearl is not one of the more common vectors into Hermitcraft. A chatter plays Giant. The first chatter explains that they started watching in S8 with Pearl and Gem and their friends. Cleo is happy about how the community has grown. They also can’t wait for the new paintings. Cleo creates a painting to cover the secret door, but does not particularly like the only design that covers the space.
1:45:00 Cleo declares it’s time to clean up the roof, because it looks like arse. Pretty arse, but arse. They are not worried about structural integrity because magic, but some crossbeams would look nice. Cleo says that sometimes it is hard to explain their thought process while building because sometimes there is no thought, just building. They begin adding crossbeams to the interior roof and talking about building process or the lack thereof.
1:49:40 A chatter asks if Cleo has a favorite fan song. Cleo says no, they have not heard many and generally try to keep their research in a bubble. A chatter plays sour jellybean. Cleo says she will watch most Hermit stuff, but the fan stuff can be biting. She wants to keep just a little sliver of joy in her life. She goes on to clarify that “I’ve got two diamonds” and other songs written just for her are exceptions, but fan stuff can be mean in general and she avoids it. A chatter mentions that Doc talks about fanfiction on stream all the time. Cleo says Doc is insane. They don’t need to worry about what Doc is doing, because it is always THE WRONG THING. Chat is not happy about the idea of anyone being mean to Cleo. Cleo clarifies that in fan spaces, fans tend to assume she will not be there, and they tend to speak their minds bluntly. When they’re talking about the character, it’s just opinion, but when they talk about her as a person, it’s hard to deal with. Cleo does not fault the fans, it is a difference of perception between Cleo as the person and Cleo as the character. What they are doing is not harmful in itself, but Cleo seeing it is harmful because it makes her feel bad and she has learned to avoid it. At the same time, 99.9% of the fandom is lovely.
1:55:20 A chatter says their partner is trying to watch every hermit, but doing so during Decked out in S9 got pretty tiring. Cleo does not recommend trying to watch every Hermit because that is too much and too difficult. They realize that many people like other hermits more than they like them, and they’re okay with that. They will never be everyone’s favorite and that is fine. Pearl, in in-game chat, agrees that Hermitcraft is fantastic because of its wide variety of creator styles. Cleo has a hard time finding her saplings and wonders if they might be in the orphan-crushing machine. Chat is confused about the orphan-crushing machine, which appears to be a bonemeal farm. A chatter plays Hydration Time.
1:58:00 Cleo reiterates that they avoid fan spaces and explains that fans sometimes just say rude things on the internet. She can know that a take is bad (“Cleo doesn’t deserve to be on Hermitcraft’) but that doesn’t mean it won’t sting. Pearl chimes in with a story about a Tiktok she saw where all the comments were kind except the ones about her. Cleo is instantly sympathetic and assures Pearl she is wonderful while threatening the lives of the haters. Tango alerts the server to potential lag incoming. Cleo says she doesn’t mind living and letting live with people who are mean to her, but nobody can say bad things about Pearl. Pearl says that most of the community is wonderful and she’s just getting used to living with the bad part. Cleo asks for advice about how to do that, because she has been on Hermitcraft for nine seasons and it is still hard. Cleo talks about the fine line between not feeding the trolls and not clapping back when it would be better to do so. A chatter plays Favorite Things. Cleo says it’s the mail system, because they had nine messages today and it was cool.
2:03:00 Pearl messages that when she starts feeling bad about fan negativity, she reminds herself that she shouldn’t care about the opinion of anybody she wouldn’t be willing to take advice from. It is silly to let the words of the haters have any impact. Cleo agrees that this is valid. They would not listen to those people’s advice, and would also probably say something very nasty to them. A chatter plays gross jellybean, much to Cleo’s chagrin. A chatter plays Giant Zombie. The jellybean is bubblegum, but Cleo would’ve actually preferred the mouthwash alternative. Bubble gum is a bad flavor.
2:05:50 Cleo wonders sometimes if she goes a bit too far, and mentions she might have been a bit too enthusiastic in verbal sparring with Doc. They reiterate the information about their TCG cards and the new expansion. The crossbeams are almost finished, and Cleo adds some above the windows. A chatter says they would not want to make Cleo mad, and Cleo confesses their bark is much worse than their bite. She also does fake anger a lot, because it is funny. When Doc killed the pig, she did get a bit too into the bit, but it was okay in the end. Doc shouldn’t have killed the pig! It’s okay, Cleo says, because he’ll suffer. A chatter asks what an HHH stream is. Cleo explains it is Hermits Helping Hermits and they haven’t done one for awhile because they and Joe are both busy. Cleo thinks she may have frightened Doc just a little bit and laughs about it.
2:10:10 A chatter plays Cleowo. Cleo says she doesn’t think Doc’s scared of her, more that he felt sort of guilty when the pig thing turned out bigger than he intended it to be. A chatter suggests that Doc didn’t realize Cleo was serious when they said they were attached to the pig. Cleo agrees that’s exactly what happened. Cleo has finished one building and has another one started, but they need to decide what is going to go inside on each floor. She takes a tour through the building. A chat plays emote only mode.
2:13:20 Cleo says it’s about time to call it a stream. They switch to big Vtuber mode and thank the chat for subs and donos. They insist that nobody sends them anymore firstborn children because they already have too many of them. Cleo raids into a non-hermit friend and ends the stream.
#hermitcraft#stream recaps#zombiecleo#goodtimeswithscar#pearlescentmoon#falsesymmetry#tall claims court
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Howdy folks!
I'm not really comfortable making posts like these, because I'm extremely accustomed to just getting by Somehow without getting outside assistance. Historically I've just made do with whatever I had and over the years I've gotten pretty good at making "very little" seem like "just enough" at least, sometimes even "quite a bit".
But I recognise that's a long-term trauma response and, what's more, that I can't overcome this particular obstacle without external support.
So here's the situation: I have been on a waiting list for healthcare since 2019 and the most I've ever heard back to be sure I'm even still on that list is the occasional newsletter. There's a chance I'll hear back properly in November, but also every likelihood I still have years to wait.
Moreover, there's every possibility that the UK general election on July 7th will see a considerable crackdown on the availability of healthcare support for people like me. The current government just last week issued an emergency ban until September on medication for children of my demographic in the span of just 62 minutes.
The medication I've been taking since June 2020 has to be sourced from the grey market, and that makes it expensive, especially so if I don't order it in bulk. Which I frankly cannot afford to do due to a bunch of different problems over the last year. Whatever savings I had to the effect of paying for medication (or anything else for that matter) had to be dumped to prevent my bank from taking action against me just for not having enough money at once. I am not physically capable of working any more than I already am, and therefore have no available options to increase my income to resolve this myself.
So here's the rub: It's Pride Month, and my birthday is in 4 days.
If you have any spare change, please consider putting it towards the GoFundMe linked above. If you don't, please reblog this post so it hopefully reaches someone who can.
My supply will last less than 2 more months before I start to deplete parts of it, 3 months at the most overall. It's a dark time here for the trans community, and particularly for someone as far below the poverty line as me, so for my birthday all I ask is for a bit of assistance making it a teensy bit brighter.
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A chance encounter leaves Jack searching for his Cinderella 🪄✨✨✨
18 plus - Adult Themes
PART 1
Jack saw you from across the New Balance store. He was getting fitted for tour and was busy recording in New York and had an appearance on the Tonight’s Show. He walked in and they rushed everyone to finish their purchase to let the superstar shop. You desperately needed a new pair of shoes with being on your feet all day at work. Since working nights the pain was getting worse. You didn’t take kindly to being asked to clear out and were so annoyed you didn’t even care it was him.
“I’m not leaving because some big shot walked in here.” You said pointing over to him which had Jack looking around slightly embarrassed but quite entertained with a smirk on his face. “That’s so disrespectful to your other customers. My feet are in pain!” You complained loudly and caused a bit of a scene.
“Can I help?” You knew the voice. Everyone knew that smooth Kentucky drawl.
“Not unless you work here.” You shot back rudely. Like how dare he?
“Slow down I didn’t ask for the store to be cleared out. I wouldn’t do that.” He said “hold on let me clear this up. Don’t move.”
You sat down out of sheer exhaustion and agony and waited on him for what reason you didn’t know but were too miserable to care.
“K it’s all good, just shop and take your time. You ight?” He asked with the crease in his brow characteristically showing concern.
“Since you asked I am in fact NOT ok. My feet are fucking killing me working night shift.” You replied honestly.
“For real? What do you do? Oh sorry I know you know and don’t seem to care but I’m Jack by the way nice to meet you…” he said extending his hand
“Zoey.” You said shortly. You knew he was a heartthrob but Jack did nothing for you. Although his height in person was impressive you just weren’t into slick fuck boys and didn’t get all the hype about him. He did look effortlessly good though with a backwards green hat that went well with his eyes, white tank and jeans with the New Balances on that he designed with his best friend Urban. There was a kindness in his crystal blue bedroom eyes and dimpled grin with an almost boyish charm the way he covered his mouth and bowed his head when he chuckled. It was staring to register with you a little bit why girls liked him.
“Nice talking to you Jack I gotta go find something good with amazing arch support” You said sounding every bit the old lady you felt like.
“Um ok no worries I’ll um…leave you alone but you had me shook for a minute I can’t lie. I like your spunk Zoey.” He said almost tentatively but kept an eye on you as you browsed.
“My spunk? Ok Connor, me and “spunk” need some shoes for these tired ass feet.” Your slight grin let Jack know at least you didn’t hate him for potentially ruining your one chance to get comfortable sneakers.
“Forget it bro. She ain’t with it.” Urban nudged Jack and whispered. “Not every chick digs you man just chill.”
“Yeah you right lemme relax. Something about her though” Jack mused as he played with the little tuft of hair under his lip trying to figure out his next move or to actually leave you let you be.
“Yeah like she could give a rats ass who you are and now you’re taking it as a challenge and want to crack her code, we’ve been here before fam. Just drop it we gotta go.” Urban said sensibly. Since he settled down he really wasn’t into Jack hunting down girls around him. He had fucked up once and wasn’t about to do it again.
Later that day Jack Tweeted on X as he now rarely did and sent his fanbase reeling “Hey Zoey I got you. Holler.” while holding his New Balance collab. X was going nuts and soon it spread like wildfire across all platforms and gossip blogs were crashing fielding questions about who this Zoey person was.
A few weeks later you hopped on IG. With night shift, school, and managing your little one you didn’t have time to scroll and had turned off notifications for everything. You hadn’t told anyone about your encounter as you had virtually forgotten about it by now. Nobody alerted you to anything as there was thousands of Zoeys in New York City and you never talked about being remotely interested in Jack Harlow.
As you scrolled finally having the time to get your nails done you dropped your bubble tea. “Mommy are you ok?” Your daughter Aaliyah asked you and picked up your drink with her little chubby hands lovingly handing it to you. You pecked her on the forehead.
“Yes bubs I’m fine.” You lied. Suddenly you felt warm and like you needed to lie down, but why? It was New York and famous men checked you out before but this was no regular feeling. You weren’t following him on IG but a hip hop page had the pic of Jack holding the shoe and said “Who is Zoey a.k.a Cinderella”. You swallowed hard, followed him on X and Tweeted back “I’m a size 7”.
PART 2
“Jack? You good bro?” Copelan said watching Jack’s face suddenly look like he’d seen a ghost. They were out just chilling grabbing some fast food which Jack didn’t do often but lately he felt off and everyone noticed.
“She…it took weeks for her to…” he said dumbfounded. He hurriedly called his assistant Kat. “Get me on a flight to New York ASAP. Cope pack a bag we’re going to New York” Jack had kept his Twitter notifications on to know the minute you replied and was just about to turn them off again and flag it under just another chance encounter.
The plane couldn’t go fast enough. He had to get back and see if there was a chance of what exactly he wasn’t sure. He didn’t like feeling out of control like this. He called the shots in every situation but you had a way of unnerving him. Most of the girls in his circle didn’t have much to do but hang out and look pretty. Here you were working a night shift. He had to know more. There was a story there with you for sure. He saw pics of your daughter and you on IG but no dad. He was hoping the coast was clear.
His assistant had already found where you work. Mt.Sinai Hospital. Him, Copelan, Kat, and his security hit the room and had a nap because from Kat’s sleuthing she found out your shift at the hospital started at 9PM. Exactly what you did he wasn’t sure but by the looks of you he was crossing his fingers you were a nurse.
“Ok everybody listen up! It’s going to be another crazy night. You know what to do, have each other’s backs and Zoey will be your resident med student tonight so let her know what you need.” The safety huddle was only 5 mins before everyone scattered for a busy night at the hospital. You were loving your new sneakers, got an A on your last assignment, your daughter was safe with your Grandma and you got an extra pep in your step with a hot large coffee.
Tonight was going to be good. You were finally awake and had a 2 week break from school. It wasn’t easy being in med school as a single parent but landing the gig at the hospital was a huge win. Aaliyah was finally able to get the glasses she needed. Poor little thing kept bumping into things before it was realized how bad her eyesight was at 5.
The night was wearing on but that large coffee had worn off. You had to fill in at the front desk for a bit and it actually was a bit slow. To keep from dozing off you put in your earbuds and put on some Jack Harlow. After you met him you started listening to more of his music and liked what you heard. You put your feet up and did nod off for a second. You woke up with a start by a tap on the shoulder.
“Does anybody fucking work around here or what?”
“JACK????!” You screamed “WHAT THE FUCK”
“Hello is more like it young lady.” Jack said cheekily sitting on the front desk counter swinging his legs preparing to be a total nuisance.
“How did you..???” You said bewildered “When did..”
“I have my ways and I got in this afternoon.” He answered loving that he regained control by throwing you off so much. “So can you get off or what? I got your shoes want to take a walk and break them in?” he said producing a box of size 7 New Balances in his floral design.
“I…wow. Thank you so much.” You said blushing opening the box with a smile that showed your dimples.
“That’s what I like to see.” Jack remarked wholeheartedly. To see you smile and be happy rather than annoyed to see him like the first time made the whole trip worth it. “I also brought well…a smaller pair.” He said as Copelan handed him another smaller box for Aaliyah. “I hope they fit her.” He said.
“Jack I can’t.” You refused the pair for your daughter not wanting to send him the wrong message and not trusting him yet.
“Please. It’s just some shoes, we give them away to kids all the time. I insist.” He said convincingly
“So you’ve obviously been on my insta to know where I work and have a daughter.” You said not sure what to make of all this but cautiously accepting the small box.
“I also didn’t see no man on your gram.” Jack said confidently his manly side showing up in a big way.
“Yeah about that…” You said slowly “I’m too busy and Aaliyah’s dad passed away the 1st year she was born so it’s just me and her now.”
“Oh.” Jack said completely changing his posture to a more humble one. “I’m sorry to come all up in your space like this.”
“No don’t be it’s adorable. I just can’t you know…” You said trying to let him down gently. You saw his face drop and decided to make it up to him. “Let me work my magic and I’ll be right back.”
His face lit up and he jumped down from the counter excited. A few minutes later the supervising doctor came out. “So you weren’t lying! It’s Jack Harlow!” She exclaimed. “Nice to meet you” She said nervously shaking Jack’s hand way too hard and for too long. “You know what Zoey? Take tonight off we got it covered here.”
“Imma get you some sneakers too.” Jack said to her gratefully as he walked away with you. Just let Zoey know your size and I got you.”
“Seriously??!! Can you sign them?” Your supervisor said glowing.
“Done.” Jack said “I’ll send them signed.”
“Wow. So how long you been a nurse?” Copelan asked you.
“Um I’m in med school to be a doctor. Cardiac specialist actually.” You said a little tired of people always assuming women were nurses.
“Oops my bad. I didn’t mean..” Cope tried to recover but Jack just gave him a sign to stop.
“Look Jack I need to know where we’re going. I can’t be walking in too late.” You said worried about Aaliyah and knowing your Grandmother would not be having you coming in wee hours of the morning because you had been out with a rapper.
Jack opened the door of the black SUV for you and once nicely inside he sat beside you and took your hand and said “I know you’re a mom and you have a life and responsibilities and I totally respect that. Nothing crazy, let’s go for a bite to eat with the team so you feel safe. There’s no rush. I’m here for a few days because I wasn’t sure how this would go and in case you didn’t like that I surprised you I had time to go back in for more abuse until I had a relative level of success.” He chuckled and it melted your heart. You were starting to relax.
Dinner was fabulous. It was the fanciest restaurant you had ever been in. It made you a little scared because you were working hard and you didn’t want to give Jack the impression you could be bought and no way was he meeting Aaliyah any time soon. You never had guys in and out of her life and you weren’t about to start now. As glasses of wine clinked and the hum of rich conversation was all around you as you sat in your hospital scrubs you knew that without Jack, the way you were dressed, how ordinary you looked, you would never get in a place like this on your own. Your head was spinning. Forever the med school major you were thinking too much. “Why can’t I just enjoy this?” You thought in frustration.
Jack caught a vibe you were uncomfortable. He leaned over to you and whispered “Hey you want to go for a little walk? Get some air?”
“Sure.” You said immediately feeling claustrophobic.
He got up and pulled out your chair for you. As you stepped out of the buzzing Italian restaurant the night air was chilly so he gave you the light jacket he was wearing and rubbed your shoulders to warm you up making you full on laugh.
“That’s what I been wanting to hear. That laugh. That’s the spark in everything.” Jack said wistfully as you strolled together down the street in the city that never sleeps hitched under his arm. For both of you it felt like a dream. You leaned your head on him that sent a tingle through his body. He liked girls before but was this what love felt like? The feeling he said in numerous interviews he had never felt? Maybe it was the champagne but his head felt light and he felt a weight had been lifted off of him having you warm up to him like this. He just wished he could take you home with him. You, Aaliyah, your Grandma and make all your lives so much easier, but he knew that wasn’t possible, at least for now.
“Thank you Jack for all this I…” Jack interrupted what you were saying with a deep kiss. Steam was rising from the street with lights and sounds going fuzzy for that moment like you were in some surreal parallel universe. You didn’t expect his lips to feel so soft and the touch after so many years of not being kissed was almost overwhelming and old instincts kicked in to escape closeness.
“Oh god, Jack that was… oh my, I need to get home to Aaliyah.” You lied checking your watch. Everyone at home was sleeping not even aware you were not at work.
“Zoey please.” Jack pressed into your body gently going in for another kiss.” This time you felt yourself wilt and totally succumb to him. He backed you up against a brick wall as you hadn’t noticed you had turned into an alley that was hard to see what was happening but you felt completely safe with him. Too safe.
“I need you Zoey.” He said breathlessly as his hand drifted lower and lower to your behind. You pushed your tongue into his and felt him rising. Was it going to happen here? In the open like this?
“Jack no this can’t happen here.” You said weakly protesting as he kissed up your neck.
“I wouldn’t expect anything now.” He said “I’m just savouring this moment. Why don’t we head back sweet Zoey, songs are written about girls like you.”
PART 3
In dropping you off Jack walked you to your door. An old brownstone row house you shared with your Grandmother and daughter. As you were saying goodbyes and you were standing in the doorway Aaliyah snuck right past you. You didn’t even hear her coming. With pyjamas on, a curly mop of hair, rubbing her eyes with a teddy bear she was suddenly looking at Jack bewildered.
“Hi.” She said to him shyly and hugged your legs.
“Aaliyah hunny I’m sorry to wake you up.” You apologized picking her up and hitching her on your hip. This wasn’t supposed to happen! Now she saw Jack and Jack saw her.
Jack was immediately taken by Aaliyah. She was a mini- version of you and he felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest. It was hard to contain what he was feeling and not be super goofy with her in some way. He hoped to have a few of his own one day.
“Hey Aaliyah right? Pleased to meet you I’m Jack.” He simply said not wanting to overwhelm the tired little girl.
Aaliyah rested her groggy head on your shoulder and stuck her thumb in her mouth. “Well Jack as you can see I have to tuck her back in. Thank you so much and I apologize for how I acted when we met.” You offered.
“It’s all good. You were going through it that day. Bye Aaliyah, have sweet dreams. I got you a gift and your mom is going to give it to you tomorrow ok?” Jack said rubbing her back.
“Ok Mr.Jack.” She said sleepily
“Zoey, can I please see you tomorrow?” Jack asked cautiously hopeful.
“Jack I have to spend time with Aaliyah tomorrow.” You replied.
“Ok I can come with, if it’s ok. Aaliyah can I hang out with you and Mommy tomorrow?” Jack asked her
“What are you doing? Don’t ask her that, she’s not ready for that.” You shot back at him turning away cradling Aaliyah as she drifted off back to sleep.
“She’s not ready? Or you’re not ready.” He countered. He wasn’t going to back down easily.
“Jack…” you started to say
“I’ll pick you up at Noon.” He interrupted. You had successfully curved guys for years but feared you just met your match. “How’s the Zoo sound tomorrow for this little sleepy bubs.” Jack said affectionately.
“I call her bubs.” You said frozen in surprise at him using that word.
“I knew this was on some serendipity vibes meeting you. I hope you’re ready to make some changes in your life Zoey cuz this is happening.” Jack said firmly
PART 4
Aaliyah waited by the window for the man that gave her the pretty sneakers with flowers. She liked that he was nice to her mommy and made her smile because mommy didn’t smile that much. She saw the Black SUV roll to a stop in front of her house. He started walking up and rang the doorbell. Aaliyah jumped down from the couch “Mommyyyyyy!!!! Mr. Jack is here!”
You were in your room breathing and talking to yourself that everything would be fine. “It’s just the Zoo, it’s just the zoo.” You said calmly while freaking out inside. That kiss lived in your head rent free since it happened and made you nervous to see him again. You jumped when the doorbell rang and Aaliyah called for you. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror scrutinizing every last detail of your outfit. Hoop earrings but not too big, jeans with a rips in the knees, Jordan’s and a Nirvana hoodie, light makeup, and sloppy but controlled bun. This was a day at the Zoo with a pre-schooler not exactly the time for impressing Jack, and in fact you didn’t want to send the message you were too available.
Jack had a personality that was very strong, quiet, light hearted but energetic all at the same time. He was almost as much of a handful as Aaliyah. You were adjusting to who he was feeling awkward and out of practice going on dates. When you made it downstairs Jack, his Security, Copelan, his assistant, and the driver were all in the living room talking to Aaliyah and your Grandmother. They were eating some fresh homemade banana bread and sipping some tea out of the good tea set. Granny only broke that out for damn near royalty.
Aaliyah was enjoying the extra treats she was getting because there was a guest. She sat happily having an extra piece of banana bread which was her favourite and playing with a new Barbies Jack instructed Kat to pick out for her at Wal-Mart early in the morning. He knew the key to your heart was him treating Aaliyah right and he was holding back from spoiling the little girl or you. He had brought you flowers but that’s it. He could tell showering you with gifts would make you run.
As you appeared in the doorway everyone stopped and looked at you. Jack swallowed hard because he thought you looked naturally gorgeous. Copelan nudged him because he had his mouth hanging open and was staring. “Miss Zoey you had this poor man waiting on the stoop I had to entertain and feed him poor thing was hungry.” Your Grandmother said in a chiding tone.
“Thank you Granny for entertaining everyone while I took a whole 5 minutes to come down.” You said sarcastically. “Aaliyah you remember Jack right?”
“Yes and he brought me Barbies!” Aaliyah exclaimed
“I see that. Don’t get spoiled.” You cautioned her sternly. “Shoes and Barbies in less than 24 hours. Wow okay thank you Jack.” You said disapprovingly.
“Zoey! So rude!” Your Grandmother said in shock you would say that to the only date you had in years that happened to be so handsome and charming. “I’m sorry for my Granddaughter’s attitude Mr. Harlow.” She said turning to Jack embarrassed.
You were mortified and turned crying running upstairs and slamming your bedroom door. “What is wrong with me?” You said sobbing uncontrollably.
“It’s ok Mr.Jack Mommy cries a lot.” Aaliyah said while playing with her Barbies.
“I got this. Guys we’ll meet you in the car. Aaliyah I’ll go check on Mommy ok.” Jack said concerned it was so normal for the little girl to see you cry like that. He gently knocked on your door. “Zoey? You ight? Can I come in?”
You were surprised he hadn’t left. You blew your nose, straightened yourself out and opened the door. “Hey” you said humbly knowing you were totally out of pocket a minute ago.
“Hey.” Jack said softly holding out the bouquet he brought you like some sort of peace offering. “May I?” He asked gesturing to wrap his arms around you to which you tearfully nodded. “No matter how hard you try I’m here. Even if this goes nowhere. I know this is a lot for you and I been holding back to not overwhelm you but if I don’t push a little Imma get nowhere.”
Jack continued holding you and tilted your chin up to look him in his blue eyes. “I’m just trying to get to know you. I didn’t fly all the way back here with my team to make you feel bought and paid for. I genuinely think Aaliyah is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen because she’s a mini you and I’m hoping…Zoey I….I’ve fallen for you and dammit Imma fall as hard as I want to. You’re not the only stubborn one up in here.”
Jack disarmed you once again with his caring calm voice and his warm embrace. “I don’t deserve you. I’m a single mom, I’m not anything to date a famous person. I don’t know how to act or what to say.” You said frustrated with yourself.
“Zoey, that’s why I like you. You’re just you. I haven’t seen you try to impress me once since I met you and you don’t know how much that means to me. Barbies? I held back from buying Aaliyah that whole damn toy store. I’m trying to go at your pace but you gotta let me do something to show I care. So can we go to the Zoo? I’d really like to get out of your bedroom because 3 more minutes and we are taking this convo to the mattress. That messy bun is my kryptonite.”
You giggled and gathered yourself to have a great day. “I’m going to the Bronx Zoo with Jack Harlow and it’s perfectly natural right? What in the actual fuck is going on??!!!” You thought as he helped you into the luxury SUV with the most plush seats you ever sat in holding your hand all the way to the Zoo.
PART 5
“Mommyyyyy!!!! Look!! The giraffes have suuuppper long legs like Mr. Jack.” Aaliyah said delightfully not in any way trying to insult Jack. She was quite taken with him hitching a ride sitting on his shoulders.
Jack thought it was adorable “Can’t beat kids for their brutal honesty” He said with a giggle.
“Wow now I can’t unsee it.” You said with a straight face looking at him and looking at the giraffe. Jack thought he was the only one that could joke sarcastically serious but he was wrong. Most girls would be afraid to come off rude and be putting on a show for him on their best behaviour but not you. He’d already experienced you being down right rude and a crying mess so this was a step up as far as he was concerned.
The day was super fun but on the way home both you and Aaliyah fell asleep on either side of Jack putting your full weight on him. Kat thought it was so cute she took a picture. “Don’t post that it would piss my baby right off.” He whispered in a chuckle feeling like the luckiest man in the world.
“Your baby?” Kat said with a smirk “Careful Jack it sounds like you have feelings after all.”
“I have lots of feelings I just make sure I stuff em down as far as I can cuz when I settle down it’s gotta be forever. I have big shoes to fill with my Grandparents and parents married for so long.” He said so seriously it gave Kat tingles. She was so happy to see this side of her boss. “I can’t fuck up my whole bag on some gold digger. This one right here…might be it” He said pecking you on the forehead waking you up.
“Oh geez I’m so sorry I fell asleep on you!” You said with a start.
“It’s fine. I’m glad y’all enjoyed it.” Jack said
“I never been to the Zoo. My parents died before…and then her dad…I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a downer. We had a ball Jack.” You said not wanting to ruin the moment. There was plenty of time for sob stories. You happily pecked him on the cheek.
“That’s why you cry a lot.” Jack said looking at you like his whole world.
“How did you know that?” You said incredulously
“A little birdie told me.” He said looking at Aaliyah passed out leaning on his arm.
“Yeah that little birdie sings like a canary sometimes.” You said frowning at your daughter for spilling that tea.
When he dropped you off it was turning into evening. Granny was cooking up a storm disappointed Jack couldn’t stay for dinner. Jack had Aaliyah on his shoulder and carried her upstairs. You tucked her in and met him in the hallway. He pulled you in for a long kiss his hand grazing your breast but he pulled it back. “One day soon Jack, I promise.” You said breathlessly. “It’s not like I don’t want to I just…”
“You don’t have to explain but if I don’t hit the road we gone make a movie in your childhood bedroom and Granny tryna feed me.” He said completely serious but you snorted a laugh.
“Mmmmm I hope we make a movie and a sequel.” You said caressing his built chest through his TShirt.
“Zoey please I’m getting a hard on stop it.” Jack said in mock protest. “Im tryna turn over a new leaf here and behave myself.”
“You’re right. Aaliyah is all I can handle.” You replied rolling your eyes at her bedroom door. “Unless….”
“Unless what?” Jack said sexily leaning back against the wall while you put your hand on his generous bulge through his trackpants
“Zoey…..” he moaned
“Come to my room.” You said daringly pulling him in and locking the door.
Granny heard a thud from upstairs as you both flopped on the bed and just shook her head giggling to herself as she finished the macaroni and cheese she was making to go with the pot roast. “I guess he’s staying for dinner.” She said
@itsyagirljaz @okaaay-mice @ride4harlow
#jack harlow#fanfic#jackman thomas harlow#romance#jack harlow fanfic#dramatic#jack harlow smut#jack harlow concepts#jack harlow x y/n#jack harlow x reader
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Christen Press trains with Angel City FC for first time since 2022
Two years to the day after tearing her ACL, Press returns to train after a lengthy recovery with four surgeries
Christen Press returned to training Tuesday morning with Angel City FC, a big step in her recovery after she has been sidelined since tearing her ACL two years ago.
The rehabilitation process has been long and included four surgeries.
Press’ last action for Angel City came in the game she suffered the injury, a 3-2 win over Racing Louisville on June 11, 2022. She scored in the 36th minute and was subbed off in the 66th after going down with a knee injury.
She has trained individually through the early months of the 2024 season, sharing updates on her progress through social media of her shooting, running and dribbling.
“I would say that the thing about recovery is it kind of goes really slow and then comes all at once,” she said after Tuesday’s session. “Today was a milestone and I was happy to celebrate that with my team.
“It was also a really small milestone because I didn’t actually do anything new today. I had been doing all the things that you saw me do today for weeks. I felt really prepared for the moment and it was the next step on. It’s still going to be a decent steepness to this journey and it’s been a long road.”
Press is still on the season-ending injury list.
Throughout the first months of the season, Angel City coach Becki Tweed said that it was “hard to put a timeline” on Press’ return, but saw Tuesday as a positive.
“I think it is another step in her rehab and her return to play,” Tweed said. “I think it is still step-by-step for her. Getting her back in with the team is really important. Mentally, for the team, for her, for everybody. Obviously physically too. She is checking boxes and moving along. It is exciting. Again, just the next step in her rehab process. Big for everybody and a good day to get back out.”
At the season-opening Fan Fest, Press said that she dreamed “of the moment I get to run out on that pitch for all of you (fans).”
“Every single time that I was told I have to have surgery from the first to a reconstruction and then the three scopes that I had, I always thought I would be on the quickest timeline possible,” she said Tuesday. “I always had some big milestone in my head that I was sure I was going to make. That’s part of who I am.”
“I’m just relentlessly optimistic, naively positive and just thinking that everything is going to work out for me. I never want that to change and I got off course of all of those timelines so many times that I finally had to actually relinquish that expectation of myself. So to be back in my team training, which is again like a small milestone, but one that like you’re all here for, feels like a full circle kind of moment. It feels a little poetic to hit it on the day precisely.”
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“are the girls going to help you make pierogis?” well no one else is fucking gonna are they? no one else in this house has functional fucking hands apparently
#every Christmas i think about the time we came home from mass and my father said “finally! now we can relax.” and sat down at his computer#and played video games for the next three hours while my mother and sister and i stood six feet away from him in the kitchen making#200 pierogis.#it’s crazy considering the amount of stuff he gets done for him on a daily basis that I would never even think would be done for me by anyo#like bed made for him/all meals/all dishes/food put on his plate for him because he refuses to do it himself/pretty much all errands#whenever he wants tea he just says that want out loud and it gets brought to him by magic#i mean or anything else! he once said “did you say we were having cappuccinos today?” just to no one in particular and we all knew no one h#had said anything of the sort. and then he was given one!#of course he goes to work from 8-6ish every day but other than one day a week it’s remote and has been for years and i can hear him#he is pretty much never not on the phone gossiping with someone#and i don’t begrudge him having a not physically intensive job or anything but im just trying to think of the things he has to do#he makes my mother mow the lawn. i do it when i am home because i think that’s disgraceful.#if my mother begs hard enough he'll do the least amount of yard work possible if it’s something we can’t physically do by ourselves.#but on a daily basis it’s just go to work/eat the breakfast brought to you/eat the lunch brought to you/come downstairs eat the dinner made#for you/play video games until you go to bed in the bed that was made for you in the morning#and on non work days it’s just eat/video games/bed#and like all this to say#he complains more and has a worse attitude than anyone I have ever known in my life#whenever he encounters a minor inconvenience he's talking about how it never ends and he never gets a chance to rest for once#literally any day that’s not spent in complete and total stagnation is considered a failure#he hates when my mother and sister and i are happy like we can’t even play music and laugh in the kitchen while we cook and clean up after#meals because it distracts him from his video games and his YouTube videos about video games and the war in Ukraine#he gets mad when we laugh too much lol like dude you’re pretty lucky you have daughters who can have fun while doing the dishes#considering you haven’t done them in like 20 years#word to the ladies out there btw: my parents used to clean up after dinner together when they first got married. so watch out lmao
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they should make a me that can get socialization outside the internet
#I only talk to people online . btw#like any time someone messages me i get overly excited and attached because i dont talk to anyone in my day to day life#i text my partner but when theyre asleep or at work im sitting in silence#my online friend and i talk the most n thats once every few weeks#n then i do get to talk to someone more and i freak out#i ghost them bc im scared im being too much or i stay and am too much#i cant tell if people want to be my friend or are just being nice to me and they dont tell me and then it's somehow my fault#i dont know. i dont know man im going to attempt soon i can feel it and it always happens in the summer so im scared and angry and feel so#stuck#im tired of sitting in a dark room alone begging for someone to talk to me and then fucking it up when someone does talk to me#i wish i wasn't autistic
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So anyways my plan for the next two months is to kickass at work while I get another job and then leave their asses.
#I'm so mad about this#I've been at this company for 6 years and for the most part everyone I've worked with has been great#Easy to get along with. Smart. Caring.#I've had some not so great bosses and every once in a while I've encountered problem people#But repeatedly one person (not in my vertical but a key person in my org)#Has repeatedly made me feel like shit. Even if she claims to mean well or whatever#I absolutely never feel like we're ok the same team. It always feels like it's her team or death#Which is not an environment I thrive in#And then her boss (who is also my bosses boss) either feeds into that or exacerbates it#I wish I had had the words during our engagement survey because I'm not the only one who feels this way#So many people go into a meeting with her expecting to talk about one thing and instead she asks for something else entirely#It consistently feels like she has no trust in her team and she does not want to foster a culture of 'we're in the same team'#She is fostering a culture of 'im the boss so I'll dictate exactly what I want and I am free to change it at any time'#So. Anyways. If you know of companies hiring in their product or portfolio space hit me up.#I spent 10 hours trying not to cry at work today and then had three separate little cries#Going to going with my boss a little about taking a week off soon#He's going to be alarmed and concerned but like. He should be.#(my boss is generally great my only complaint is that he hasn't figure out how to work with his boss yet so that's compounding my issues.#But that is not all on him. And he has never once made me feel like we're not on the same team)#Blah blah ok. Tomorrow I work and then do the life shit I didn't do today#The day after that I do a second pass at my resume#And use a working block at work to figure out what I want (and sketch out my teams pain points and potential solutions)
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the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it
#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet#I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through#idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :(#like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself#& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy#I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem#I had 4 social plans this month. that's it#that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!!#is this the norm for adulthood? :(#& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy#but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too#the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021#but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all#I'm not going anywhere w this. idk#just one of those days#everything so fuck everybody suck :(#boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake#now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend#assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((:#I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake#& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx'#OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks#but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together!#'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc#'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!!#every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores#they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go#& I'm like any time!! I love u!!#& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired#like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(
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#my digestive issues are literally under the most control they have ever been in my life and they are still ruining my life#woke up fine today. went to a coffee shop. had to leave after an hour#i had so many plans for today and now i'm stuck at home because i can't be too far away from a bathroom#i didn't eat anything that would trigger this. my gut just hates me i guess#earlier this month i have a risk food but i thought i took enough precautions to be safe and it fucked me up for like#2 weeks straight#i wonder what its like for people to not have to wonder about bathroom access every time they leave the house#i wonder what its like to eat normal foods without calculating how sick its going to make you#i wonder what its like to not have entire plans tossed out the window for reasons beyond your control#fucking sucks man#i hate ibs#in exchange for my terrible gut i do have a fantastic immune system somehow but weirdly that means i never take time off work?#ok so i am so good at just managing my issues that i just power through whenever im sick.#it's not like i can afford to take time off whenever i feel sick anyway and besides once you have to take multiple AP tests in high school#while in the middle of an episode you grow a lot of tolerance for being functional while sick#but then. i just i could have excuses to take days off because i have a cold or something. get a rest every now and then#but what illnesses i get beyond digestion issues are so slight that i can just. power through. i am never ill enough to take time off#and i get so worried that one day I will need that PTO that I can't convince myself to use it for like mental health days and ugh#this is more of a personal problem than anything but still. i wish i got sick like a normal person
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Sometimes, living under late-stage capitalism is just like. I'm tired of being asked to spin straw into gold in exchange for a plate of stale, soggy bread crust.
#i genuinely like my day job#but (rant ahead) every month i am being asked to do more and more with less and less#i am being scraped thinner and thinner#and the customers are somehow getting a more raw deal over time too!#i'm honestly watching for my company to accidentally cross that lovely invisible line where people get fed up with the service#and finally abandon it all at once#like with the warner thing#management thinks that if they boil the frog slowly enough it will never notice#i think eventually the frog says to itself “this sauna is too hot wtf” and jumps out#girl i just want to clean and do maintenance and count money and do a few customer's laundry for them . . . and ideally have days off#my days off. got halved since feb. i had four days off in march. TWO OF THEM WERE FOR SURGERY AND RECOVERY.#i am doing 90% of certain kinds of work for the store and 100% of other kinds#and i had to work with a potential concussion because i knew no-one could fill in#if they don't give me that week off in may then i am walking out and letting the store i am single-handedly holding up#c r u m b l e
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I AM UNSHADOWBANNED HALLELUJIAH THIS IS NOT A DRILL
#IM BACK IN THE TAGS I CAN SEE MY MESSAGES AGAIN IM GONNA CRY IM SO RELIEVED#I work like every day this week but once I get the time I am gonna post SO much art#maybe actually finish those animations instead of just thinking about finishing them too#shoutout to my man rem-meta who tagged one of my posts 'tumblr stop being adelram phobic' and tumblr immediately listened. MVP#idk if I'll get back the momentum I had going before all this#but at least people will be able to actually FIND my art if they want#if anyone feels like helping a brother out maybe reblog a piece or too? only if you feel like it tho no stress#I'm just gonna. agshdvdhd#not art
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geez. I want so badly all the time now to get back in contact with other people and apologize to my relatives and try to explain why I ghost everyone and apologize and explain what I’ll do instead in the future but I cannot even remotely get myself to execute a plan to do that
#i got a lot to apologize to a lot of people for#a lot of kids I’ve let down by not following through on things I said I’d do months ago#and a couple weeks ago#and i found out my birthday is only days away and I don’t want it and I don’t like that and I would rather be unreachable in the Arctic than#consider a birthday right now#i don’t know what I am as a person and I don’t considtently perform or feel the same hour to hour and I haven’t told anyone anything for#months and also I keep avoiding any and all medical care and if someone tried to make me I’d be relieved but also run away#it’s just fucked#I know I’m making rewiring progress but it feels like I’m locked in a claw machine#watching my external shapeshifter self secretly make each of her attempts fail#I’m back to feeling like I’m losing my sanity a lot of the time again#mostly I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where to start.#i thought getting enough sleep every night would unlock more than this#and getting set loose on food and gaining weight for once#and living in a safer place and having my ability to journal start creeping back#I’ve drunk the water I take the meds I build the safety I eat the food I care for the dog I keep myself calm I try to be aware of my body#i do the breath work I do the yoga none of it DOES anything I’m just STUCK#i keep having the same debates and the same sabotage and the same inaction over and over and over again#but if I let go of some control the little kid ‘I’m the center of the universe’#part of me comes out and makes me go WAY too hard with see-sawing the opposite direction of normal#and it makes people uncomfortable and ends up preventing me from getting taken seriously ANYWAY#raps on head gently. please. i am fucking begging#either shut off the pride for a while so I can get us through the agonizing and mortifying shame stage while I get help or shut off the#self sabotage so I can get help while retaining pride#jesus h Christ#please#I KNOW I DON’T SEE MY OWNSYMPTOM SEVERITY CLEARLY U CAN’T FOOL ME BRAIN#I know what avoidant numbing is!!! i know what unaffected attitude and minimizing and laughing it off are!#I’m not gonna back off this time I NEED TO GET OUT OF DEBT AND INTO HAVING HOBBIES U DUMB BRAIN please for the love of god work with d#*me
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don't know whether my neighbor meant to be passive aggressive when he mowed HALF my front lawn earlier without saying anything even though the grass wasn't even long since I just mowed 10 days ago but.......... 🤔
#we mow our lawn once a week im slightly late this time cause i work all day then it rains EVERY SINGLE DAY right as i get off work#so i was planning on doing it either today or tomorrow even though its not even that long anyways and theres barely any weeds#but i went out there to do it earlier and half my fucking lawn has been NOTICEABLY mowed#like bro went all the way to my mailbox in the front#and maybe he was just doing a bit extra cause obviously our lawns are connected but#HE WENT ALL THE WAY UP TO THE SIDE OF MY HOUSE SO#THAT'S LIKE 10 FEET AWAY FROM THE PROPERTY LINE. YOU DONT JUST DO THAT FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES#i just finished up the rest but now im like well if he did do it passive aggressively ive just 'given in' to him thinking#my grass was too long !! so now i feel like a stupid idiot GIRL who doesnt know when her grass is too long#EVEN THOUGH IT WASNTTTTTTTTT#i am overthinking and overanalyzing i am aware but the dads on my street intimidate me lmao#im the yard girl of the family so they talk to me when im out there doing yardwork#and now i feel like ive gotten a bad grade in Yard and got scolded or something LMAO#anyways rant over thanks for listening to my lawn gossip#j.txt
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I feel so stupid crying over this but i just feel like the biggest idiot in the world
#i spend all my days studying all my goddamn days since OCTOBER#the closest i got to going out was when i'd go get drinks after lectures EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE#i went out with company ONCE. ONE WEEKEND. O N E#and i really AM the idiot bc it's just me#all my other friends have lives and free time#everyone i know is always out always going somewhere hanging out with someone#everyone i know on here is able to work on their hobbies all year round#the way i work like a fucking mule you'd think i'm studying medicine or something#else that guarantees a well-paid job but no. i'm in fucking language studies.#i work like a mule with all my breaks leaving me so exhausted that all i can do is scroll or just rest#and then i DON'T EVEN PASS????????#AND THEN EVEN MY SUMMER ''BREAK'' WILL BE SPENT STUDYING SOMETHING#I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW BETTER I COULD STUDY#AND EVEN THEN I'LL HAVE LIKE SIX GODDAMN WEEKS#and then what? another year starts and once again study all day have no time for myself#and because i'm stupid i'll do this for God knows how long#five years at minimum. but that's if i pass everything on time#i failed this exam but it's not a prerequisite for 3rd term only 4th term subjects#but lit is a prerequisite. if i fail this exam i'm already setting myself back an entire semester#and for what? i'm literally wasting my time#i'll be dead in 60 years if i don't raise a hand against myself sooner#i spent 20 years doing fucking nothing that i wanted to do#even during breaks it was everything my parents expected of me#God#and now i can't even go to sleep bc i'm too busy being a pussy bitch and crying about this#and i have to be up in 7½ hours yayyyyy
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trying soo hard to be normal and Good At Conversation this time
#i will make at lease One irl friend to hang out with regularly !!!#dont get me wrong taking time off work to do school was a great decision but like. i dont rly talk to anyone anymore#save for the two days per week i have class :/#and it sucks idk.#i havent had a Best Friend TM that i actually get to see more than once every 12 months in years#& im also struggling to control how i usually put more importance onto other people than they do me#like this week in particular im rly feeling the whole experience of labelling someone as a really good friend only to find out that i am#at Best just a pleasant acquaintance#which is fine yk not every relationship has to be something super deep#but still. sucks when it keeps happening.#like id rather the reaction to me almost just be actual disgust bc then thats pretty unambiguous#no room to get hopes up or create a narrative.#anyway i usually go with the strategy of just talking to someone like we're already friends bc ive heard thats the most effective#/least awkward way to get to know people. & im also only focusing on a couple people at a time so i dont get overwhelmed#bc last time I just. yeah it wasn’t the best moment#struggling in general with people and just pacing out of much of Myself is a tolerable dosage#recently I just feel like I’ve green falling onto the ‘over eager and annoying’ cycle :/#been*#I don’t want to be a Chore I guess.#I keep thinking about how nice it would be to not feel that way#like maybe I’m not the most exciting person ever and it takes me a minute to get used to someone but :/ idk I think I’m good company#(god knows I spend enough time around just myself lmao)#usually I can tell when I’m feeling like this again bc I start spending more money on hobbies and Stuff#just to fill time/give myself something to look forward to#but I can’t really do that rn lmao/don’t want to#I’m not rich I can’t just have retail therapy every time I start to feel lonely :/#it’d be nice lmao but no not practical#man I just want to talk to people. have conversations. feel like people are actually Happy that I’m talking to them.#that’s it that’s all#they say never trust your brain after 9pm but what if you’ve been sitting with it for weeks?
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