#I will let you know
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My mom bullied me into going to a Passover seder at some semi-related family members, and I agreed cause she's old and I don't have many of these left.
They sent out an email instructing people to bring a photo of someone that we would like to have at the table but who otherwise could not attend.
As someone who has lost a father, all four grandparents, an aunt, an uncle, and a cousin, this is like telling me to bring a freight train of emotion to a stranger's table, and I am so annoyed by it. I understand that it's a nice gesture, and I'm sure as we go around the table talking about who we would like to have with us who can't be there, that it will be a meaningful moment to a lot of people, and I hope that I will somehow manage not to burst into tears (no, I will, I am getting teary about it now just thinking about it), but FUCK.
I don't know. Maybe I'll bring a photo of Harpo Marx. Nothing says 'we were slaves in Egypt' like the occasional interruption of a honking horn.
#if i end up bringing one of you#i will let you know#i'm gonna be mad about this seder for a while#when i suggested to my mom that she could go without me#she guilt-tripped me#she did the 'nevermind then#i won't go'#which is so fucking manipulative i could lose my mind#but it works cause also i don't want her driving that far alone at night
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✧ I have fallen into something I never thought I would get into (again), and it's DnD! ✧
✧ This my oc Lilipad! (Nicknamed Lily) She's a 2'9" forest gnome in the Druid class. This is my first time participating in a campaign so I'm excited to see how this goes! ✧
✧ Here's a small sketch sheet I made of her before I drew her icon for her character sheet. She's, believe it or not, 200 years old, lives alone in the forest, and has 4ft bunny mount as her pet. His name is Nibbles! I haven't sketched him yet but I should do that soon- ✧
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#dnd oc#lilipad#whether she survives the campaign or not is questionable dhbsj#i will let you know#regardless#she will stay as an oc#she's so cute#crossing my fingers she will make it out alright#my art#digital art
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y’all next thursday i have a field trip to the amusement park should i find valleyfair’s versions of the choirs’ favorite rides and ride them or not?
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If Ancaeus has million fans, then I'm one of them.
If Ancaeus has one fan, then I'm THAT ONE.
If Ancaeus has no fans, that means I'm dead.
#warhammer 40k#space marines#adeptus astartes#warhammercommunity#blood angels#angels of death#my mom would be sad if she knew what I think about this man#go watch this show#or#yar har fiddle dee dee#if you know what I mean#i will let you know
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Soo, what's my fluster score? >w>;
my guy
let me read it first
I just got home from the store sdobfgruodfsdbk I'll get back to you on that one
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You're lucky bro I finished the fanfic at 10:45pm but I am impatient child you better update me when you add more to the story
or else I kick yo butt boi
My first threat!! Thank you!!!!! It's an honor <3
#the journey to find mimir#i am so glad you are enjoying it :)#i am behind on my many reports for school#so it might be a hot second :/#but I am thinking about it a lot!!#I know its been a month since my last post#i wish I could just sit and finish the whole thing#but the many reports#(multiple page reports)#(double digit reports)#must come first </3#i will let you know
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Thank you so much fir fixing the timeline page for thecreaminhiscoffee! I thoroughly enjoyed the stories, and your takes on Roger and Jessica Rabbit's relationship! I'm so grateful to you for making the threads readable! :-) Do you know if you'll do the same for the timeline for nearlostcauses?
Yes, thank you, sorry I didn't answer your other ask, I saw it and then intended to answer when I had those links fixed!
They aren't fixed currently, but I plan on fixing them for you! (I've actually fixed the ones with Scully before and am. frustrated with tumblr for changing how links function so most of them don't anymore. The one with the Greek title, ironically enough, still does??? Don't ask me why; dear tumblr.)
The past few weeks have just been. mentally rough for me. So it's like - sometimes I can do things and sometimes I'm not in a good place for doing things! And when I've been in a place for doing things, I've been prioritizing fixing things here or writing. (I have been writing something with Jess, actually! That's borne out of that timeline! ...ish! I'm just. very very slow right now. I was on a much better writing schedule last year. And the year before that. This year has just been rough!!)
Which is more information than you asked for. T.T
TL: DR: I plan on updating them for you, and I'll tag you when that gets done! Sorry for taking so long. ><;;;;;
#musings#chrysalis the butterfly#i may add links to those timelines on the fic masterlist too#since like#greater scope for the fic#whenever i get the links fixed#the fic goes somewhere between /on birthdays/ and /down/#i guess really the events of the fic depend on when scully would do the thing#not when jess would#because it's prompted by something scully does#which i think would happen as the result of the events of /on birthdays/#but before the events of /down/ because i think that's farther along with jess than i want her to be for the fic#...which has the first chapter up and is#pure self indulgence actually#me mixing my fandoms#ANYWAY TL;DR#I WILL LET YOU KNOW
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someone asked me about reo *happily sighs* time to get crazy i guess
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Your blog makes me so horny I would love to fuck you
Get in line, my job does that for me.
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
#ramble#if you say unalive in front of me i will personally kill you with my hands#you just can't muffle and censor and hold someone's hand through some things#some things are horrible. and they should be spoken aloud and they should upset you. because they are horrible#the second we started kidzbopifying the world was the end of taking anything seriously i think#i'm not even joking i've spoken to people older than me who won't even say the world sex#this isn't the playground you're not going to get in trouble just let us say the word!!!!!!#how am i supposed to listen to you when you won't even say the thing you're supposed to be talking about#yes this is the fault of the platforms with their censorship rules but the fact that we all just go along with it like it's not dystopian#you do know it doesn't stop with cursing right. people are already having to censor queer terms because they get flagged as inappropriate
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The world exists in such a baffling state of simultaneous sex-aversion and sex-hegemony. Every social platform on the internet is trying to banish sex workers to the shadow realm but I can't post a tweet without at least two bots replying P U S S Y I N B I O. People are self-censoring sex to seggs and $3× but every other ad you see is still filled with half-naked women. Rightwingers want queer people arrested for so much as existing in the same postal code as a child and are also drumming up a moral panic about how teenage boys aren't getting laid enough. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
#it's bad if you want i have sex it's also bad if you DON'T want to have sex#god forbid if you're a woman in a heterosexual marriage and aren't in the mood#that's 'withholding sex' and you're clearly abusive scum who should be divorced and left without any of your shared assets.#but if you DO have sex now you're a degenerate freak plotting for the downfall of western society#i don't know what to say i'm just so tired#politics#culture#queerphobia#lgbtqia#misogyny#<it's not the exclusive source but let's be honest sooo much of this is integral to the patriarchy#patriarchy needs access to an underclass they can treat like sex objects but they also don't want them to have any human rights#so sexuality is both obligatory and stigmatized#purity culture#i'm really struggling with tagging this because most of the appropiate tags would- in a beautiful twist of irony- get me booted off tumblr
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you're going about your normal day when, suddenly, surprise! you've been pokémon mystery dungeon'd!
unfortunately, due to budget cuts, the pokémon assigning quiz has been canceled. instead, you must spin THE WHEEL, assigning you a random, unevolved, non-legendary and non-mythical pokémon. you must now go on some sort of world-saving adventure as this pokémon. good luck!
tell me in the tags what you rolled, and how you feel about it - for bonus points, you can spin the wheel again for (or just take your pick of) a pokémon to be your partner.
bonus rules:
you're not shiny unless the wheel tells you you're shiny
take your pick of regional forms and evolutions (for example, if you roll vulpix, it's up to you whether that means normal or alolan vulpix)
apply whatever logic you like with regards to gender
have fun and be yourself!
#pokemon#pkmn#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd#tag games#someone might've done this concept already but i had a worm in my brain you know.#i thought itd be fun to list all the unevolved pokemon... now i know there's only around 400 evolution lines total!#.. not counting mythicals legendaries ultra beasts or paradoxes#by the way! alongside the shiny result there are two other bonus results: an obligatory pikachu and... a surprise!!!#finally feel free to let me know if i misspelled something or accidentally included an evolved mon (other than pikachu)#sorry long tags ha 😅 i'm done now
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My blog has become infested with angst goblins, and they must be fed with some hypothetical scenarios!🙏💚
#grey art#fan art#hazbin hotel fanart#hazbin hotel#Hazbin hotel comic#JESUS WEPT THIS FUCKING THING WAS A BEAST#BUT I LOVE IT!#hazbin charlie#hazbin alastor#Alastor#charlie morningstar#angst#hurt/comfort#whump art#I know what you people are I’m one of you!#I heard your cries for more angst and I aim to please!#also good excuse to use clip studio more#I only bust that out for something special#now let’s do something else! like eat!
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I've been thinking a lot lately about how Kabru deprives himself.
Kabru as a character is intertwined with the idea that sometimes we have to sacrifice the needs of the few for the good of the many. He ultimately subverts this first by sabotaging the Canaries and then by letting Laios go, but in practice he's already been living a life of self-sacrifice.
Saving people, and learning the secrets of the dungeons to seal them, are what's important. Not his own comforts. Not his own desires. He forces them down until he doesn't know they're there, until one of them has to come spilling out during the confession in chapter 76.
Specifically, I think it's very significant, in a story about food and all that it entails, that Kabru is rarely shown eating. He's the deuteragonist of Dungeon Meshi, the cooking manga, but while meals are the anchoring points of Laios's journey, given loving focus, for Kabru, they're ... not.
I'm sure he eats during dungeon expeditions, in the routine way that adventurers must when they sit down to camp. But on the surface, you get the idea that Kabru spends most of his time doing his self-assigned dungeon-related tasks: meeting with people, studying them, putting together that evidence board, researching the dungeon, god knows what else. Feeding himself is secondary.
He's introduced during a meal, eating at a restaurant, just to set up the contrast between his party and Laios's. And it's the last normal meal we see him eating until the communal ending feast (if you consider Falin's dragon parts normal).
First, we get this:
Kabru's response here is such a non-answer, it strongly implies to me that he wasn't thinking about it until Rin brought it up. That he might not even be feeling the hunger signals that he logically knew he should.
They sit down to eat, but Kabru is never drawn reaching for food or eating it like the rest of his party. He only drinks.
It's possible this means nothing, that we can just assume he's putting food in his mouth off-panel, but again, this entire manga is about food. Cooking it, eating it, appreciating it, taking pleasure in it, grounding yourself in the necessary routine of it and affirming your right to live by consuming it. It's given such a huge focus.
We don't see him eat again until the harpy egg.
What a significant question for the protagonist to ask his foil in this story about eating! Aren't you hungry? Aren't you, Kabru?
He was revived only minutes ago after a violent encounter. And then he chokes down food that causes him further harm by triggering him, all because he's so determined to stay in Laios's good graces.
In his flashback, we see Milsiril trying to spoon-feed young Kabru cake that we know he doesn't like. He doesn't want to eat: he wants to be training.
Then with Mithrun, we see him eating the least-monstery monster food he can get his hands on, for the sake of survival- walking mushroom, barometz, an egg. The barometz is his first chance to make something like an a real meal, and he actually seems excited about it because he wants to replicate a lamb dish his mother used to make him!
...but he doesn't get to enjoy it like he wanted to.
Then, when all the Canaries are eating field rations ... Kabru still isn't shown eating. He's only shown giving food to Mithrun.
And of course the next time he eats is the bavarois, which for his sake is at least plant based ... but he still has to use a coping mechanism to get through it.
I don't think Kabru does this all on purpose. I think Kui does this all on purpose. Kabru's Post Traumatic Stress Disorder should be understood as informing his character just as much as Laios's autism informs his. It's another way that Kabru and Laios act as foils: where Laios takes pleasure in meals and approaches food with the excitement of discovery, Kabru's experiences with eating are tainted by his trauma. Laios indulges; Kabru denies himself. Laios is shown enjoying food, Kabru is shown struggling with it.
And I can very easily imagine a reason why Kabru might have a subconscious aversion towards eating.
Meals are the privilege of the living.
#Dungeon Meshi#Delicious in Dungeon#Kabru#Kabru of Utaya#Laios Touden#Dungeon Meshi meta#you can have him in the tags too. as a treat.#Dungeon Meshi spoilers#this was directly inspired by livelaughlaios's post about Kabru self harming but I decided it got too long to make it a direct reply#this is a theory I've been working on for weeks because I kept noticing this while skimming for screencaps#I'm hesitant to trigger tag this because of the way certain subcultures on tumblr operate#but if anyone needs me to add a content warning please let me know#also I included image descriptions! I did my best#I think they even help illustrate my points but my god were they sad to write. Kabru is so fucking sad you guys#musings with Dea
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#god: rosalynn you've lived such a long and wonderful life#what would you like me to send to your beloved husband to let him know you're being taken care of? a bird? a rainbow? a random sunbeam?#rosalynn: kill henry kissinger. he'll know I asked. :))))#jimmy carter#rosalynn carter#henry kissinger#us politics#world politics
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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