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taysui · 2 years

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🔥🔪🦇🧨🔮 — — did you see taylor sui hanging around CAYUGA HEIGHTS? i think they’ve been in town for their whole life and are a HAIRDRESSER at fringe salon. she's probably staying at bellayre. played by b.

QUICK FACTS:

full name: taylor sui

nicknames: tay

gender & pronouns: demiwoman & she/they

age & birthdate: twenty-four & april 5, 1998

zodiac & mbti: aries & esfp

hometown: ithaca, ny

current residence: bellayre in cayuga heights

occupation: hairstylist & colorist at fringe salon

+ tratis: creative, opinionated, forgiving, optimistic

- traits: unreliable, indulgent, crass, reckless

links: pinterest!

BACKGROUND & HEADCANONS:

according to her parents, taylor is a disappointment. but according to herself? she’s downright bitchin’!

growing up in ithaca, she often felt stifled by the small-town feel, the seasonal turnover of college students only seeming interesting for so long. she leapt at every chance she had to visit nyc, often taking weekend trips with friends or playing tourist in the city with family visiting from out of state. she was in love and knew it was exactly where she wanted to wind up... and yet, she never made any steps in that direction.

taylor was a chameleon in high school, racing through a million and one different phases and styles, constantly reinventing herself from week to week. while it turned her into a fearless individual who was insanely comfortable in their own skin, it freaked out her parents. “rebellious” was a favorite adjective around the sui house and taylor quickly lived up to it, rolling her eyes and talking back right up until graduation.

under the sensible pressure of her nurse mother & actuary father (“total and complete worrywarts,” according to taylor), she enrolled in business courses at ithaca college just to keep them happy. at the same time, she started working at fringe salon on the weekends. her hobby-job soon became her priority and after 3 years pursuing a degree she didn’t care about, taylor dropped out.

predictably, her parents flipped when she told them. it caused an explosive fight and tension that still lingers, no matter how much peter, her older brother, tries to play defense on her behalf. even now when they all get together for their monthly dinner, her mom will passive-aggressively ask her how classes are going as if she’s still attending lmfao

about a year into being a fulltime hairdresser, taylor is living comfortably on her own in a studio apartment at bellayre, still mooching off her parents & constantly bugging her brother in nyc

worships gregg araki

obsessed with tyler, the creator

a chronic oversharer, especially while working. exhibit a: she once rambled to a new client about how she’d spent the weekend in a fancy af hotel suite to recover from a nasty breakup, but got stuck in the massive tub bc of too much bubble bath and had to call down to the lobby for a rescue. -- they were not a repeat client after that.

played soccer all throughout high school and became rabidly competitive about it. spit-flying, screaming at the ref, and kicking shins type insanity

graphic liner 💖💖💖

taylor’s style is very grunge / goth / alt, but on hungover post-party days, you can absolutely catch her wandering through the aisles of greenstar grocer in a velour tracksuit with her lil pomeranian bertha tucked under her elbow like she’s ‘00s paris hilton

has a never-ending rotation of speeding & parking tickets that she should really pay someday....

affectionately refers to her brother as “peter bateman” and asks him what new nfts he’s traded with his wallstreet bros lately

totally unironic 2am text to receive from taylor: bae wanna watch metalocalypse w/ me?

she’s never been one to hold a grudge, but she also never takes a serious situation seriously enough. you get the good with the bad ig??

POTENTIAL CONNECTIONS:

childhood friends — anyone else who grew up in ithaca!

ex-friend(s) — aaahhhh, so i love the idea of taylor having a huge falling out with a v close friend at some point, maybe around graduation?? and things have never been the same between them since. nothing beats the heartbreak of a fractured friendship xx

clients @ fringe — pls come to taylor if u want lavender hair, she’ll set you up

fwb / hookup — open to any gender! could be as simple as a one night stand or a semi-regular occurrence between them.

exes — again, open to any gender. taylor’s been in ithaca for 24 long years, there’s plenty of rocky dating history there to explore!

friends... but are we? — any sort of relationship built out of convenience. taylor’s using them, they’re using taylor, or maybe neither are happy to hang & just tolerate one another for a third party.

and anything else!!! as always, i really love feeling out connections through dash chem, too, so feel free to lmk if you’d ever like a rando thread & we can dive straight in! 💕💕

#ithacaintro

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laviesuspendue · 2 years

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Why I headcanon these criminal minds characters as autistic

Reid:

He is considered a genius due to his high IQ and more than a third of autistic people have above average IQs

He doesn't understand humour or sarcasm

He has a photographic memory

He has an atypical way of speaking, he puts intonations in weird places, especially at the en of his phrases, and he speaks very fast

He sees patterns easily

In multiple episodes he stands or walks with his wrist limp against his chest witch is referred to as the t-rex pose and is very common in autistic people

He also runs strangely and has an abnormal posture when standing witch are both autistic traits

Local police always look at him like he's a weirdo or a freak genius and denote his oddness to Hotch. They do not understand him cause his way of speaking, walking, acting is atypical

He had a drug addiction witch a lot of autistic people do, due to the fact it lowers our sensory issues and slows our thoughts

He doesn't drive and a lot of autistic people don't have permit cause they have drivers anxiety

Garcia

She wears heals all the time witch is a form of tiptoe walking and that's an autistic trait

She understands computers and numbers better than people

She fidgets a lot with her pens

She has so many stim toys on her desk and in her drawers

Just like Reid, local police and sometimes her own team usually joke about her oddness because she doesn't understand social cues and just says what she's thinking like flirting with Derek in front of everyone and cracking jokes in the middle of a case

She overshares constantly

She speaks very fast and also rambles when she's talking about things relating to computers, witch is her special interest

She keep her office very dark, so she probably has sensitivity to light

She's shown as being hypersensitive as she's the one that cries the most on the team and is affected by graphic pictures

Hotch

Has one facial expression

Also seems to only exhibit three emotions witch are anger, neutral, and very happy

Has a very monotone and flat tone

Has a walk and posture very stiff and robot-like

He wear the exact same thing everyday. Yes there's probably an overall dress code but we see the team wear different things whereas he's always wearing a suit. Either because of routine or because it's his comfort clothes

He is very blunt

His job is so important to him that he chose it over his wife cause she couldn't respect that it was THAT important to him. I think profiling is his special interest

Emily

Shes super good at learning languages and I think languages might be a special interest of hers

She is very good at acting witch is a form of masking. She kept her role of Lauren for years and she also acts very differently during questioning when it's needed

Again, she also has a very monotone way of speaking

She is very similar to Hotch in a lot of ways and understands him and communicates with him easily. If you consider Hotch autistic this is a big sign that she is as well, as autistic people usually get along well with each other especially when we have the same "flavour" of autism

In the beginning she tries VERY hard to be accepted by the team and to socialize with them witch a lot of autistic people "try too hard" to do as well since we know people don't usually like us or the way we interact with them so we overcompensate

She is very secretive and doesn't trust others that much. She relies on herself for everything. Of course this can be because of her trauma but it is also something a lot of autistic people do because we learn quickly that others can't be relied on to help us

She is way more logical and rational than emotional. When she comes back form faking her death she immediately goes back to work without crying or being upset

Rossi

He has a same food, carbonara pasta

He's also very strict about rules and the process of making food

He has trouble working with others, he works best alone with his thoughts. He had trouble adapting to the gang when he first arrived

He also has trouble with relationships in general as we know he's had 3 failed marriages

He always seems confused about what's going on with people especially in the earlier seasons and asks Hotch to explain to him

He only gets comfortable with the team when his social role gets very specific and easy to understand. When he starts acting like a mentor and father figure to the group, it gets easier for him to form close relationships with them, because he understands his role perfectly

Also along those lines, he's super surprised when Hotch asks him to come coach his sons soccer team. I think it's because he never realized they were friends as he understood their relationship to be coworkers. After that episode they are shown to be way closer as Rossi now feel comfortable acting friendlier since he knows for a fact they are friends and not just coworkers

Blake

She got along with Reid instantly and understood him better than everyone, and again autistic people get along very well usually, especially when they have the same "flavour" of autism

She also clocked him from the start witch I did for all my autistic friends and asked him if he had asperger's (very outdated term but it's the one she uses in the show)

She doesn't show a lot of emotions on her face even though she seems to be feeling them

She is very reserved and doesn't share a lot about herself or try to connect to the team (appart from Reid)

She has been away from her husband for multiple months at a time for years and even tho she eventually decides to take another job to be closer to him, she still could tolerate it for all these years. Autistic people need a lot of time alone and usually miss our loved ones way less then allistic people

She got her PHD at 22 and got recruited by the FBI at 24. Again a lot of autistic people tend to have high IQs and do good in school

She knows so much about language and speak a lot of them. It's probably her special interest

#actually autsitic #autism #autistic headcanon #autistic! spencer reid #autistic! penelope garcia #autistic! aaron hotchner #autistic! emily prentiss #autistic! david rossi #autistic! alex blake #criminal minds #criminal minds headcanons

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natalia-lafourcade · 3 years

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Michelle Zauner and Karen O in Conversation

for Interview Magazine

KAREN O: I wanted to talk about fearlessness. You tear the fucking veil off what so many of us hide behind, when it comes to sickness, pain, death, the complexities of familial love, and loss. It almost feels naked to me, how much of yourself you reveal. How did you find a path to that honesty?

MICHELLE ZAUNER: I have naturally always been a grossly oversharing type of person. I think it comes from my dad, because my mom was really private and withholding. But my dad is such an over-sharer, and I get that from him. I also felt this sense of urgency, because when I was going through all this, I kept thinking that no one warned me this is what happens. I was really angry at the world for a really long time, that no one had told me that this is what death looks like, or what illness looks like, or how to prepare. Much of this book was me wanting to share that, and warn people that this is what happens and what it looks like. I was really driven to go there because I felt like no one could understand the depth of my drama and sorrow, and I needed everyone to know; I needed to bear every wound in that way.

I’ve had anxiety all day about meeting you because you’ve meant so much to my life. When I discovered your music, it was like my entire world had been flipped; it seemed impossible that someone like me, and with my cultural background, could find themselves in the kind of place that you have. And I’ve never seen anyone exhibit the showmanship and spirit that you do, and have this amazing breadth of catalog, and be the coolest performer of all time, but also able to completely rip your heart apart with your incredible ballads. Did you have someone like that when you were starting?

KAREN O: No, there was no one out there I could relate to in that specific way. There were definitely a few mega inspirations and influences, and I was trying to think of some who aren’t white, because the entertainment and music industry is highly populated by white folks. I went to [Oberlin] College in Ohio, and they’d have lots of indie bands play this tiny venue called the ’Sco, short for disco. I remember seeing Kazu [Makino], from Blonde Redhead perform, just whipping herself across the stage, and I felt this envy, like, “Man, I want to be able to do that.” There were no Korean or Korean-American rockers I could turn to, but there were a few Japanese girls, like in Cibo Matto, that were pretty awesome. But what really drove me towards music was the misfit mentality.

ZAUNER: Totally.

KAREN O: Reading your book—which totally destroyed me, by the way—I’ve been going through this enlightenment in regards to how complicated it is to grow up happy in America. With everything going on with Black Lives Matter, and Stop Asian Hate, and identity and being biracial in this country, I’m realizing it’s far more complicated than I ever let myself understand. What you were describing, about seeing me on stage, was maybe similar to what I felt reading your book, because it was such a unique experience to be able to relate so specifically to everything I was reading. I related to things you said about being a little too white for the Koreans and too Korean for the whites, and feeling like a professional tourist or outsider, seen in this strange way. In a positive sense, we’ve had to reconcile what that means culturally, the differences between Korean and white American society within us. So there’s a greater empathy, maybe, that we feel. But there’s a quarrel in there too, an angst. I have an endless reservoir of angst, and I fucking channeled it into my music. It’s where I finally felt I belonged, in the community of misfits in music.

ZAUNER: I had the exact same feeling. My relationship to music is such an essential part of who I am, and was a big part of my relationship with my mom. It was the first major point of contention between us. I’ve spent my whole life trying to figure out my place of belonging. I’ve never quite felt all the way American or Korean, but it feels like the stage, and maybe this is cheesy, is where you create the space for yourself. You and I both made our own sense of belonging, on our terms, in our art and the worlds we’ve created. When I started doing press after college, I never got asked about my racial identity; I was asked more about being a girl in music. Now it’s like all I get asked about. Was that something you ever got asked about?

KAREN O: No, no one was interested. The closest it came in the press was them trying to figure out what “O” was short for. Outside of that, it was focused on being a girl in a boy’s world, which is also a big deal. Actually, I still haven’t been asked that much about it.

ZAUNER: I’ve been lucky to come up when there’s such a huge explosion of women, and especially Asian women, in music. My first tour was with Mitski and Jay Som, and it was such a charmed experience, not only because the bill was three Asian women, but a lot of the shows that we played, almost half the audience was Asian, which is wild. I wondered if that was something you get asked about because part of me wonders, should I avoid questions like that? But I also feel this responsibility to answer, because kids like me are looking to hear you talk about it.

KAREN O: It is important, because even recently when I was asked why there are so few women in rock, I was pretty confused myself about why. Until I talked to this journalist friend, who said it’s just representation: You have to see it to be it. So I think it’s important that even if it’s laborious, you answer the Asian-related questions because it’s still brand spanking new, in American culture and music.

ZAUNER: What did your mom think about your interest in music? Was it fairly early on that you expressed this?

KAREN O: I was interested in music and singing since I was 3 years old. And my mom is Korean mom, so we definitely rubbed, in my teenage years. But both my parents, probably one eyebrow went up when they heard that I was in a band. I remember my dad bringing me to Tower Records when that was still a thing, and saying, like, “Behold the thousands of CDs. What are your chances?”

ZAUNER: Wow.

KAREN O: But I’m a person who’s like, that’s exactly what I need to hear.

ZAUNER: Yeah. I’ll show you, Dad.

KAREN O: And they are my biggest fans, honestly, especially my dad. It happened so fast for us. Our very first gig was opening for the White Stripes at Mercury Lounge in 2000. A lot of us who were just starting to play local venues in Brooklyn and the Lower East Side all-of-a-sudden had worldwide attention. So my parents were like, “Oh, she’s in a band,” and then it was, “Oh, she’s in this magazine and that magazine. They saw this really quick trajectory, so they were like, “Okay, I guess this is her career now.” What about you? Your trajectory was different.

ZAUNER: My mom never got to see me become successful, but I guess like a typical Korean mom, she wanted me to have a backup and was worried about not only me making it financially, but also mentally, because I was really sensitive. I started playing in bands and writing songs when I was 16 years old. I knew I loved it but because I had this parent telling me this was a very unrealistic goal, I felt I had to do something as a backup. Then when my mom got sick, I had to put this band on hiatus, and it was a big deal, and I lived with her in Eugene for six months, and then she passed away. Six months later, I helped my dad pack up the house and started writing in my free time, which became the first Japanese Breakfast record, Psychopomp.

At this point I was 25, and I was like, “It’s too late for me, I have to give this up.” I moved to New York and got a job as a sales assistant in advertising, and on weekends and after work, I would go mix this record with my friend Ned. I sent it to a bunch of labels, because I was like, maybe I’ll press 500 records and sell them over the course of the next ten years, and that’ll be that. There was a small label called Yellow K Records in Maryland, that makes vape pens to fund this label. I was like, “Listen, I’m not going to tour, I have this new job and health insurance, I just want to press these records and sell them.” And they were like, “We’re going to hire a publicist,” and I was like, “Okay, it’s your loss of money, whatever.” And then the record did really well. Then we got signed to a bigger indie and made Soft Sounds from Another Planet within a year. But I kept waiting for the trap door to open, because I’d seen so many of my friends make it, and play to 1,000 people in Europe or something, and then have people get tired of them. I still feel that way. Is that ever a thing you felt?

KAREN O: Are you kidding me? Do you understand what you do for a living? It’s different in the sense that I’ve established myself as a career artist, which is really hard to do, especially these days. So I feel the pain of younger artists. But every stage of your career, you face different insecurities and challenges, and the trapdoor is always there. At this point, it’s relevance—how relevant am I anymore?

ZAUNER: You’re relevant to me.

KAREN O: But every time I start something new, it feels like square one again.

ZAUNER: You’re still making some of your best work now. The greatest Late Show [With Stephen Colbert] performance ever was the one you did [of the song “Woman,” shot in one take for a music video by Spike Jonze]. I would love to hear about your collaborative relationship with Spike Jonze.

KAREN O: I don’t know if you’re finding this in your life, but many of my most notorious collaborators, it’s just hanging out with peeps. Me and Spike befriended each other back in the day and dated for a year and a half. When we split—I’m a Scorpio, so I’m not really good at keeping in touch with my exes—he wanted me to work on the Where the Wild Things Are film soundtrack, and through working together we became really close friends. We bonded in our super irreverent and playful and mischievous approach to making art. Honestly, thank you for saying that because I was expecting that to really make a splash.

ZAUNER: It was iconic.

KAREN O: I’m curious about your process and writing lyrics. I was really into writing poetry when I was young, and I feel like lyrics essentially are bad poetry. But if you’re a good writer like you are, how do you write bad poetry for lyrics?

ZAUNER: I think I write like an elevated way of how I would talk. I feel much more comfortable as a lyricist because you’re just writing in fragments. That was something that was hard for me in writing this book, because a lot of times, I leave stuff hanging because it feels good to me, and I remember showing it to my husband who would help me edit, and he’d be like, “A sentence can’t end that way.” But I studied creative writing [at Bryn Mawr College] and that helped me immensely—having to focus on a micro moment or detail, and expand on that and find depth in the ordinary. But I never wrote or even read much poetry.

KAREN O: I relate to it so much more, maybe because my attention span has shrunk so much that it’s what I can do before I go to sleep. But the emotional experience of your writing—I’m incredibly impressed that you can do that. It’s like what I feel from music, you can do from writing. I feel a kinship in some of the themes that you touch on throughout your records. There is a lot of yearning, but it’s like yearning for something that you already have, like a “What if that’s slipping through your fingers?” kind of yearning, and trying to grasp the bittersweetness of that.

ZAUNER: Whoa. I feel so seen.

KAREN O: A lot of it has to do with the trauma of loss, and I went through a pretty traumatic loss at a young age as well. This new record, I feel your spirit is daring to play more than the other ones, but with conditions. Like whatever is going to set you free better fucking sweep you away in a flood.

ZAUNER: I think that’s part of just growing older. Being in my thirties and married, I feel this anxiety sometimes that teenage feelings—really intense feelings of longing and heartbreak and jealousy — are what great songs are made of. And I don’t go through that kind of torment anymore; I’m an adult. There’s something beautiful about that because I’m not heartbroken or embarrassed all the fucking time, I have consistency in my life and love that’s deep and mature. But I have this anxiety as an artist, that, “Oh shit, that’s what they want from me, how do I conjure that? How do I maintain this intensity of emotion that gets muted as you grow older?”

KAREN O: Most of my artist friends and I do have that refusal to grow up in certain parts of our soul. Like keeping the child alive and kicking. That sense of yearning and idealism and fantasy you have when you’re a teenager, I don’t ever want that to go away. Because it’s fucking beautiful, and people need that magic and mystery. On your new record, I feel like you’re settling into what it means to love deeply. And it’s funny you mentioned wanting to return to that teenage adolescent feeling because the production style on this record totally reminded me of Tiffany from the ’90s.

ZAUNER: Oh my god. I love Tiffany. I’m curious, what is your relationship to Korea? Did you go there when you were a kid?

KAREN O: Yeah, I was born in Seoul, my brother was born in Taiwan, and we moved to Jersey when I was a year-and-a-half-years-old. We would go to Korea maybe every three or four years. In my twenties I went almost every year because I was so close to my grandparents there, until 2008, when my grandmother passed. It was an amazing time because my whole life, maybe you’ll relate to this, I was waiting for Korea to have their moment in pop culture.

ZAUNER: Oh, they’re having their moment now.

KAREN O: Yeah, they’re having their fucking moment. They have for the last decade, basically. I went regularly later on, and saw the evolution to the cultural tour-de-force it is now. But for most of my life, it was nowhere to be seen.

ZAUNER: Me too. People were like, where is Korea?

KAREN O: You hung out with your relatives in Korea, right?

ZAUNER: My mom’s two sisters and my grandma, but I didn’t have a great relationship. I was really scared of my grandma.

KAREN O: I could tell from the book.

ZAUNER: Do you like Korean food?

KAREN O: We mostly grew up eating kalbi, and those fried wings that everybody loves, and japjae and mandu, just the approachable stuff. But jajangmyeon was a big deal, and naengmyeon. Every Thanksgiving there’s always kalbi.

ZAUNER: Does your kid like Korean food?

KAREN O: My kid loves Korean food. I feel like most people that ever have Korean love Korean food.

ZAUNER: Yeah, Korean food is a fun time. There’s a lot of communal eating. There’s a lot of novelty to it, too, even just getting a bunch of side dishes and grilling meat on the table. I don’t know what a shitty food would be. I guess Polish food is kind of weird.

KAREN O: Yeah, that’s my other half.

ZAUNER: Did you grow up eating Polish food?

KAREN O: Not really, because it was just always my dad and a bunch of Koreans. We had no family on his side. I like pierogies and borscht.

ZAUNER: Borscht is cool. I apologize to Polish food.

KAREN O: I feel like you should be canonized by foodies around the world. You’ve brought such profound depth to the language of love in food. It was not lost on me, the love letter to your mother in your relationship with food. You exquisitely express how profound that connection is, as an expression of love that’s harder to express in other ways. It gave me a different perspective on people I know who are obsessed with food, because it keyed me into the depth and power of something that is passed down from generation to generation. Especially in this pandemic; so many people have turned to cooking food and feeding themselves to heal themselves. Is there no greater expression of love than feeding someone, do you think?

ZAUNER: That was certainly how I was raised. I love remembering little details about people, and that’s something I really loved and appreciated about my mother, in retrospect. If I had friends over she would remember what banchan Corey liked, or who was a picky eater, who didn’t eat spicy food. That’s how I remember, too; I like knowing people’s preferences and little ordinary things that make up who they are, and displaying that through the way that you care for someone. I have a great love of food and it’s definitely how I’ve started taking care of myself in the pandemic. Thank you so much for reading my book and listening to my little album. I am such a monster fan of yours, and this has made my whole life. I feel like you’re not supposed to meet your heroes and I was worried, like, “What if she hates me?”

KAREN O: You’ve made a serious fan out of me. As an artist, you yearn for someone just getting where you’re coming from, especially as a woman. A lot of people think, “Oh she just sings on those songs,” and don’t understand how much we generate that, from writing to playing to conceptualizing the entire world and drawing it from ourselves. The fact that your companion piece to your record is this powerhouse of a book, what a gift. It’s a double gift and after reading your book then listening to your music, you experience it differently and it really got to me. So congratulations, and fly high.

#TWO WORLDS COLLIDE #japanese breakfast #michelle zauner #karen o #yeah yeah yeahs #wonderful woc #blogmusicdaily #dailymusicqueens #dailymusicians #interview magazine #long post

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bisluthq · 3 years

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A letter from Nat

23.7.21

Good morning Bisluts,

Firstly, today I realized I’ve been living in August for the last little bit. My apologies. Secondly, I would like to address Shailene Woodley’s vagina because I have so many jokes and finally, today we’re going to speak specifically about “bravery” because it’s an interesting concept and we touched on it a bit last time.

Re: Shailene, did she really need more Vitamin D after…the sunning! Like who needs the ex, Callum, or Aaron when you have a whole ass star helping you out? Also does she sun just it or suntan naked because if the former those are some bizarre tan lines. Like shit’s going well, you’re going down on a girl, making your way downtown so to speak and then - a sunburnt vulva! She opens her legs, more sunburn! You look up, “Should I get you some aftersun lotion?” you ask, forgetting to be seductive. “You can’t apply it down there,” she replies. “I use Vitamin D…cream.” She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. You know what you have to do…you have to supply Vitamin D cream brighter than the fucking sun’s.

Now, amusing as this is, it also brings us into our topic of the day, which is bravery. However fucking weird Shailene is, she’s brave - both in how her ass keeps being arrested for stuff, and how she wants to share advice. Oversharing is not in and of itself brave. Lena isn’t brave, she just uses the media as her confessional. But sharing with a view to help, or at least make people feel less lonely, can be an act of courage.

What is bravery,or courage, then? In these letters I’m never doing the Dictionary.com thing. To me, being brave is putting yourself out of your comfort zone for the good of other people. It can be big - running into a burning building as a first responder - or small - choosing to wear your marginalized identities on your sleeve. It can be standing up to a bully in your life, saying: “that’s not okay.” It can be taking responsibility for something that scares you or is uncomfortable to admit. It’s a range of actions + reactions where personal comfort flies out the window and you say, “Now hang on + hold my drink, I’m gonna go sort this out.

Each one of us has the capacity for bravery and courage. The Order of the Phoenix, if you recall, had plenty of members who weren’t inherently brave but stepped the fuck up.

But what happens when you…can’t? When it’s too scary, or the consequences too dire? When we talk about pride as the response to shame, what happens when exhibiting that pride risks - at worst - lethal consequences? Well, in that case, sometimes just living and allowing yourself to love yourself can be brave. Continuing to live + laugh is an act of bravery each one of you should be commended for.

So as a challenge for the day, I want each of you to find a time you were proud of yourself for being brave; and I want you to do something brave today - even if it’s messaging a school friend you haven’t heard from in a while, calling a crisis hotline, or doing your makeup nicely, even with nowhere to go. Feel free to share with the class under #bravebisluts. I look forward to reading them, and I’m sure y’all do too.

I love getting your letters, by the way. Feel free to keep sending.

Sending love, strength + however much Vitamin D your vagina (real or metaphorical) needs.

Nat

PS Tomorrow’s letter will be recs of shit I’ve read/watched/listened to in clinic because we can’t only do inspirational shit, sometimes we have to discuss Dua + Josh B

#bae takes over #a letter from nat

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marionettejonesdraws · 3 years

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Disappearing is no longer a valid life choice. I have made up my mind.

My mascot~ She’s so cute. I love her. Venting a bit. long story though~

I got invited to my college classmate’s art exhibit. His works are amazing! But I got there late, almost closing, all my other classmates already left, and I had been stuck in bed for the last couple of days before this. Bummed out that I have to wait a whole week to talk to the nearest psychiatrist so I could finally get meds. I was tearing up throughout the commute. Maybe I consumed too much sugar this week. idk~

The artist says hi, asks me how I’ve been. “I’ve been feeling numb lately.” I don’t hide these feelings anymore, though it’s probably not good to overshare either. I guess I was asking for help. And he advised me to paint. We are, after all, painting majors. I haven't painted on a canvas ever since I was at school though. I have been told this many times already. I don’t feel anything about that comment anymore. I guess, if I really need to, I’ll stick with ink.

But I do love this one piece of his with traditional Filipino furniture. It’s soft pastel over construction blueprint tracing paper on stretched canvas. It’s very interesting and so pretty and intricate so I asked him how he prepared it. Grey primer on canvas, gel matte medium to stick the blueprint to it, and acrylic pastel primer on top. Talked about the quality of the blueprint paper too. Something new to me~ That short conversation did lighten my mood a bit. I wish I get to talk like this more.

Didn’t really say goodbye--chose to walk back towards the main road rather than take a trike so I could actually cry a bit. I don’t really want to calculate how much I spent just on commute. Spent some more on dinner and ice cream. I’m just so emotionally pent up.

The classmate who invited me there invited me again to another exhibit that is really far away. I declined immediately. Commuting is just so tiring. Told her about how bad my mood was and my plans on getting meds. She shared how she had a miscarriage and post-partum depression and the ten years she lost to it before getting into painting again. She lives with other artists now, away from her family. She says she’s better nowadays. Then we say our goodnights.

After about 20 mins? I talked to her again. I’m a bit irked so I had to ask her what she meant by “Blacked out” and told her how depression had been messing with me since highschool. Turns out her PPD is quite severe that she was hurting herself throwing/breaking stuff. It turns out we had the same family problem with having siblings with disabilities and that our mothers force their care on us because we were firstborn. She was also told “Take care of OUR child.” and that there are no competent men in the family. I guess in the end I felt lighter knowing I have a comrade.

#me #vent art #vent comics #mjdraws

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luque-moreau · 3 years

Text

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different.

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd. this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be v e r y enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information.

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #theory #headcanon #razputin aquato #this is real biased #isnt it

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meli-productions · 4 years

Text

Angel in the Gallery

Was able to get this one in earlier in the day! My next piece for the #ineffablehusbandsauweek by @ineffablehusbandsweek.

Available on my AO3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26664100

Professor Fell was everyone’s favorite. He was warm and friendly, with a bit of a bastard streak that his older students loved. And he made his subject come alive with his teaching - almost as if he’d been there among the salons of Paris or at Michelangelo's side as he painted the Sistine.

And the best part of the Professor were his capricious trips to the museums -

“How can I expect you to learn without being embraced by history and art itself?” he asked his students.

And really, who would argue?

It was a breezy October when Professor Fell decided to sweep his students up for a last-minute outing to the nearest art museum to see the Roman statues.

The crowd huddled around him for warmth - and he did look the coziest wrapped in his tan cardigan and camel-hair overcoat. There was an inner warmth to the man, too, which the students just wanted to bask in as much as they did in the light of his smile.

“Come around, there’s a love,” he said. “Now, wander around a bit and take notes of what you see: subject, material, style all of it is indicative of something we’ve learned in the past few weeks. And don’t be lazy. I will be sitting in the new exhibit for you to meet up with in an hour.”

He waved them off and, hands clasped behind his back, made his way into the exhibit of the featured artist - one Anthony Crowley.

Professor Fell wandered around, taking in the beautiful contours and almost renaissance-like beauty of the artwork. He hummed happily as he came before a landscape - lush and green - with a snake wrapped around the trunk of a tree.

“Nice, huh,” a voice behind him said. “Heard it’s supposed to be an interpretation of Eden.”

He turned around and came across a handsome, angular face. The only discernible characteristics of the man before him were the wide smile and the red-hair that was tied back at the top letting the rest fall in soft waves around his shoulders. His eyes were hidden behind dark glasses that turned to the painting.

“It’s lovely,” said Professor Fell, turning back to the art. “I can tell that the artist really loves what he does - and this medium does him well. The oils really allow for the scenery to reach for its own light. Truly a master in their own right.”

The man gave a little hum, “Is that right? I’d love to hear your opinions on his other work…that is, if you have the time.”

Bright hazel eyes, sparkling with the intensity of his smile, “My dear boy, I have an hour before I’m swarmed by young academics wanting to share their discovery. I would love to take in the exhibit with someone.”

“And what can I call you, angel?”

“Oh, terribly rude of me. My name is Azra, Azra Fell. And you, dear?” asked Professor Fell, looking up at the man through his eyelashes.

“Just call me Tony.”

As the hour wound down, students started circling around the exhibit where they were told to wait for their professor but not coming in just yet. The first two to arrive and slip in were a mischievous pair that flocked to Fell like chicks to a mother hen - Warlock and Adam - and they were surprised by what they saw.

While every student knew everything there was to know about the oversharing professor - from his home in London to the cat he’d had in uni that he’d named Oscar - and were protective about him - defending him from his hardass boss, Dr. Archer - there was one thing that only these two were privy to and more protective of than anything else. And that was Fell’s heart.

So when they found their dear Professor hiding a stream of chuckles behind a hand as he sat - a little too close - next to a stranger, the pair were immediately on high-alert.

“Who’s the twink?” asked Warlock, sliding in close to Adam and stare at the couple keeping their quiet laughter to themselves. “And why is he so close to Professor Fell?”

Adam shrugged, “I don’t know - but I think the professor likes them. And I think the twink likes him back.”

“Well, I don’t like him,” Warlock said, crossing his arms. “He looks like a love ‘em and leave ‘em type. Not good enough for Fell. Could break his heart.”

“There’s only one way to test him. Why don’t we go and find out what his intentions are,” said Adam, his eyes twinking with mischief. “If he can’t handle us hellions then he has no right to Fell. If he can - we can give him a chance, right ‘Lock?”

The other young man grunted his approval and allowed Adam to drag him forward as he rushed over to the blushing professor and his new friend.

“Hey, prof,” said Adam, plopping down at Fell’s feet. “The exhibit was nice - got a lot of notes for the presentation. Can’t wait to show you what ‘Lock and I got. Who’s your new friend?”

Without waiting for Fell to respond, the man reached a hand out, “Tony, nice to meet you kid. You too,” this he directed at Warlock, “nice kicks, by the way.”

Warlock glanced down to his burgundy Docs and mumbled a thanks, choosing to sit on Professor Fell’s open side rather than the floor. For his part, the professor was alight with joy as he presented the boys to Tony, commenting that these two were his best students and sharing with boys the wonderful time that he and Tony had while looking through the new exhibit.

“You like art?” Adam asked.

Tony smiled, “I do. Love it - would make a career out of it. Like having someone to talk about art just as much.”

This was directed at Fell, who blushed once again and gave a wiggle that the boys had only seen him give when eating a good meal. Warlock and Adam shared a look, sharing a silent conversation between eyebrow raises and mouthed out words, then focused on Tony and the dopey smile he was giving their professor.

It was Warlock that broke the silence with an exaggerated sigh, dropping his forehead against Fell’s soft cardigan, “I’m glad that you found someone to talk to, Professor. Must’ve been nice not to be bored waiting for us.”

A hand came up to smooth the long, black hair as Fell smiled back at Tony and said, “It is when the company is good.”

Tony shifted, bashful, and Adam rolled his eyes, but continued to study the two as Tony cleared his throat, “You know, Azra, I’ve been invited to the public opening of the exhibit - terribly boring, wouldn’t want to come alone - would you like to accompany me? Keep me from dashing my brains out?”

Warlock’s head shot up, looking at Adam with wide eyes and finding that his friend was in a similar state. Between them, Fell fiddled with his ring.

“Oh, I’d love to, dear boy, but - I don’t think I would fit in at such an event,” he said, the light in his face starting to dim. “I’m too - much too - outdated, fuddy-duddy- ”

“That’s not true.”

“You should go.”

“Go, Professor Fell, you’re smarter than the lot of them.”

The boys went up in arms, tugging on his shoulder and hand and trying to convince him to accompany Tony. Fell, surprised, turned from the two boys to Tony who was also a little taken aback if the slight drop of his mouth was to be believed.

Fell smiled, easing the boys off his extremities, “Well, dear. I guess I will be accompanying you after all.”

Tony beamed and the boys around them did, too.

“Then it’s a date.”

Anthony J. Crowley - Crowley to those he liked - was in a frenzy.

The minute he’d gotten back to his flat from the museum he’d swept into his studio and started sketching. One sketch turned into two - and then into a dozen - all of soft, Rubenesque round rolls of fat and sparkling eyes. Oils of blue, green, greys, and browns mixed to try and capture the right shade of dancing hazel.

“It has to be perfect,” he muttered, eyes narrowed at the canvas as he fixed the fluffiness of white curls with his fingers. “Perfect like him - an angel in the room.”

Since the moment he sauntered into the exhibit of his own work, he hadn’t been able to keep his eyes off the only other person in there. The way that the sunlight from above had fallen onto the fluffy curls of cloud-white and the rapture on the face, cute nose tilted up as he looked up at the hanging artwork - well, it was artwork in itself.

Azira Fell, stunning and soft and brilliant, had fallen into his path like a light to guide him towards new inspiration.

His subject matter had always been biblical - repenting demons and places like Eden and Babel - but never an angel. Until this one had appeared.

His phone rang and, with a press of paint-dirty fingers, he put it on speaker to continue working, “Crowley here.”

“Are you getting ready for the opening?”

Crowley rolled his eyes, “Nice to hear from you too, Bee, and I’m in the middle of a creative outpour so no, not yet. But I will be there, don’t worry your fuzzy little fly-head. You see, I have a date.”

From the other end of the line, there was a little hiss of laughter, “Who did you hoodwink into being your date to this thing.”

“Not hoodwinked, charmed,” he said, taking a break and sighing until his body was relaxed. “Bee, this is the most beautiful man I’ve ever met and he’s kind and simply amazing. I think I’m in love.”

“You said that both about Lilith and Lucian and look at what happened there,” said Bee,. “Just watch yourself, I don’t want you to go down that spiral again.”

Crowley cooed, “Aww, Bee-Bee, you do care.”

“Shut it, punk. Just finish up and get ready. Send me a few pictures of your work…see if we have another exhibit on our hands.”

And without letting him get another word in edgewise, Bee hung up and Crowley found himself facing the unfinished painting. The crinkles at his eyes and the soft curve of that smile that Crowley followed with the tip of his finger.

“He won’t be like the others. He’s different. I can tell,” he said. “You are.”

Azra was waiting outside of the exhibit, afraid to walk in alone and have eyes on him. He tugged the cream waistcoat down, wishing it didn’t press so tight against his stomach.

Nerves danced within him until he felt like there was no other option but to turn around and go home - what was he doing in a place like this anyway? He didn’t fit - and Tony would be better off without someone like him.

This way he can find someone more like him.

Mind made up, Azra turned around and bumped into someone.

“Oh, I am terribly sorry, I was just on my way out,” he said, bending down to pick up the glasses that ended up on the floor.

“I certainly hope not,” the person he bumped into said. “Considering you’d be standing me up.”

Azra straightened up to meet the gorgeous, uncovered gold eyes of Tony who was giving him a shy smile. He let himself look the man over, a pang in his stomach as he took in the sleek black outfit, sinfully tight, and scattered with red sequins.

When he met the eyes again, Tony’s smile had slipped a little, “Are you really about to leave?”

“I - I just don’t belong here,” said Azra, pouting. “Everyone is so fashionable and beautiful and far beyond my league.”

Tony grabbed his hand where they were twirling the pair of sunglasses, “Hey, it’s alright, angel. You’re not here for them anyway, you’re here for me. And you’re just as beautiful as anyone in there - more, because those are just money hoarding, elites who have no heart. Now what do you say - will you come in with me?”

With a weak nod, Azra allowed Tony to take the glasses and tuck his hand into the fold of his elbow.

“There’s a love. Let’s go in, gorgeous.”

When they walked in, a short guest fell at Tony’s unoccupied side, eyes glued onto the phone in their hand.

“Okay, so they’ve been waiting for you. You probably will have a good ten minutes where everyone will want to schmooze, then another five for photo ops, and then one good one in front of the piece that you choose. Got it?”

Tony rolled his eyes, “I got it, Bee. Let me introduce my date, Azra. Azra, this is my - manager Bee.”

Bee looked around and their eyes got bigger at the sight of the professor, “Oh. Nice to meet you. I can see why he spent all afternoon doodling. Might have another hit series - won’t we, Crowley?”

Azra’s face paled as another moment of bickering passed between Bee and Tony, “Crowley? As in - as in Anthony Crowley? The - the artist of this exhibit?”

Around the artist in question, Bee gave a little snort, “Okay, so I know you’re not in it for the fame. Good to know. Keep an eye - and hand - on him, Crowley. You’ve got a keeper for once.”

Crowley turned around, hand scratching his neck, “Yeah, I - I didn’t want you to feel obligated to like anything just because of who I am. I really enjoyed our time this morning and didn’t want it ruined by - by my name.”

Azra sputtered, “My - my dear, your artwork is stunning. This is your celebration. I shouldn’t,” he tried to pull out of Crowley’s grasp which made him only hold on tighter.

“Please, don’t,” said Crowley, thumb rubbing over Azra’s knuckles. “I don’t care what all these people think - or what they’ll say. Please just let me enjoy the exhibit with someone that actually like me for me and not because my name is under all these paintings.”

“You could do much better than me, my dear, just look around.”

“Azra, listen to me,” Crowley said, turning him over so that they were face to face. He held Azra’s face in his hands and looked at him from above the rim of his glasses. “I think you are stunning - thought so since I laid eyes on you. I - ngk - here, let me show you.”

Crowley grappled with his phone and held it out for inspection. Pictures after pictures of the work he’d poured over that afternoon with one subject - Azra.

“You see, angel,” he said. “I don’t want any of these people on my arm or around it - I just want you. Please? Will you let me have tonight and then, if you want, not another second more.”

The open earnestness in Crowley’s eyes made Azra sigh, a small smile on his lips, “Tonight and - maybe dinner tomorrow? My treat?”

A giddy smile spread on Crowley’s face, “Absolutely, yes. Anything. Dinner, breakfast, a movie, a play - anything, hell, feed me to those boys of yours.”

Azra laughed and looped his arm into Crowley’s again, “Not anything so drastic, love. But, come now. I believe Bee said you had ten minutes of schmoozing to get through.”

Arm in arm and laughing, Crowley led Azra through the crowd of elites presenting him to all as ‘my angel and my muse’.

The next morning, Adam dropped a newspaper in front of Warlock, a giddy smile on his face when his friend looked up.

“Professor Fell’s dating the artist.”

Warlock for his part looked at the picture taken of the two - besotted smile on both their faces - and gave a little grin of his own.

“Good. He better know he has a treasure in his hands.”

Adam shrugged, “If he doesn’t, we’ll let him know.”

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endxng · 5 years

Text

Almost Everything Part 2— @closebywriting I know you wanna rest your head And just forget the night Forget the night So know I’m gonna stay right here I’ll sit by your side pairing: Ashlyn & Zosia (feat. Kayla and Cordelia) timeline: The verse in which Kayla and Zosia are together but Zosia is wholly invested in Ash’s recovery location: Zosia and Kayla’s place content: Short part two of ? Ashlyn and Zosia talk about why she got kicked out of rehad.

The house hasn’t changed much since she’d last stepped inside. Even in the comfort of their own home Zosia and Kayla didn’t overshare who they were or what they had. The occasional photograph hung on the walls, mostly of Cordelia, and sometimes of Zosia or Kayla, but almost never both together. They were candid intimate snapshot into very mundane tasks, as though the reason there was any photograph of either of them was because the other one was behind the lens. It was obvious to anyone who walked into the house that Cordelia was the centre of both of their worlds, and yet knowing them and looking at the pictures they had taken of each other you could see the fondness and adoration that both women had for each other.

And Ashlyn always felt like she was intruding every time she starred too long. There was a wordless exchange for Ashlyn’s coat and she complied before following Zosia deeper into their house.

Although she’d never admit it, Ashlyn’s favourite room in Zosia’s house was the kitchen. Not for the layout, or the way light always seemed to flood it no matter what time of the day it was, rather for the various drawings and tattered photos that covered their fridge. This was where Cordelia’s art exhibit seemed to flourish. Ashlyn’s favourite drawing was a self portrait of the two of them, made in crayon and wavy lines, wearing matching superhero costumes. No visit without seeing the drawing was complete.

As Zosia fixed them both a cup of tea, Ashlyn ran her finger along the outline of Cordelia’s vision of her, felt the doubt in her stomach ease a little. Although she had nowhere to go, and would never ask Zosia and Kayla to move in, she’d figure something out. She was still in the early recovery stage of her latest relapse, only four months into sobriety, but she had so many safeguards in place now to curb the urge to shoot up.

“She worships you, you know,” Zosia told her softly, handing her a cup of tea. She wrapped her nearly frozen hands around the mug and raised an eyebrow towards Zosia.

“I wonder whose fault that is,” she replied. Zosia leaned back against the counter, observing, always observing, with the faintest of smiles on her face.

“Thank you,” Ash said after a brief moment of silence, “for not telling her the truth.”

Zosia took a small sip of her drink, keeping her eyes on Ashlyn, before putting her tea down on the counter and crossing her arms over her chest.

“She wouldn’t see you any differently if I did.”

Ashlyn ignored that, tried taking a sip of the too hot beverage before blowing on it in a desperate attempt to get some of the heat to dissipate so that she could warm herself up from the inside.

“Did you bring anything with you from Searidge?”

“You mean drugs?” Ashlyn said, almost defensively. Zosia smiled and held her hands up in front of her as if to say hold your horses.

“No, I meant any of your property. Relax, Ash, we can talk about it when you’re ready.”

Ashlyn forced a burning sip of tea down her throat and averted her eyes from Zosia altogether.

“They weren’t my drugs,” she said, focused heavily on her cup of tea. When Zosia didn’t say anything, Ashlyn spared a glance in her direction only to find that Zosia was still smiling softly at her, waiting for her to continue. “It was my roommate or whatever, I don’t know.”

She sighed and put the cup of tea down on the counter. “I just said they were mine because… I don’t know, she has nowhere to go I guess. And she needs to be there more than me. The first month is the hardest, and she wasn’t selling them to anyone. They were for her use. It wasn’t hard for them to believe it was me, you know, with my record of dealing and stuff. I don’t know, I didn’t think it through.”

She was rambling now, only noticed as much when Zosia put a calming hand on her arm. Ashlyn took a deep breath and curled her hands into fists, willed the tears to stay out of her eyes.

“I’m sorry, I can’t seem to stop fu—screwing it up.” She swallowed and continued, “I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I’m sorry you keep giving me chances and I keep letting you down.”

Zosia’s warm hand slipped under her chin and guided Ashlyn to look at her.

“You’re not letting me down. You humble me and make me proud to know you.”

She pulled her into a hug and Ashlyn felt herself warm up from the inside for entirely different reasons. They stayed like that for a while, interrupted only by the opening of the front door and quick hurried steps into the hallway.

“Cordelia! Get back here and take off your shoes like a civilized person!” she heard Kayla call out after her. The little steps stopped about halfway from the front door to the kitchen. There was another step, walking closer to them, and Kayla’s warning voice “Cordelia.”

An exasperated sigh made Ashlyn and Zosia smile at each other before loud clomps walked back towards the door.

“I don’t even want to be sea-vinized,” she heard Cordelia grumbled. Zosia laughed softly and pulled away from Ashlyn all together to poke her head into the hallway and observe what Ashlyn was sure was a completely normal scene in this household.

After a brief moment she heard the same quieter little steps barreling down the hallway and into the kitchen, straight past Zosia to vault into Ashlyn’s arms, a magnificent feat for a four year old.

“Yaaaaaaayyy! Youstayedyoustayedyoustayed!” She wrapped her small arms around Ashlyn’s neck and buried her face into the girl’s neck. Ashlyn smiled down at the little human in her arms and forced herself not to get emotional at the onslaught of affection she had received in the last five minutes. Despite her best effort, she still felt the tears prickling behind her eyes.

“My socks are wet now,” she heard a small whisper into her neck and Ashlyn laughed.

“Oh no, we can’t have that now can we.” She maneuvered herself so that she was supporting Cordelia with one arm and then used her other hand to pull Cordelia’s socks off. There was a pause and then Ashlyn tickled the underside of the little girl’s foot eliciting a shriek and proclamation of “put me down, put me down!”

Ashlyn complied and placed her down before ruffling her hair. Kayla walked into the kitchen then, Brutus in tow who also went straight for Ashlyn. She bent down to pet the excitable dog and saw out the corner of her eyes Kayla pressing a quick peck to Zosia’s lips.

“Ewwww,” Cordelia stated, covering her eyes. Kayla and Zosia laughed and then exchanged another look which elicited a nod from Zosia. Ashlyn was jealous, and not because of the kissing, but in the effortless way it seemed the two could communicate without words.

She watched as Zosia pried the little hands away from Cordelia’s face and whispered conspicuously, “Why don’t you show Ashlyn to the bathroom upstairs so that she can have a warm shower before dinner, do you think you can do that?”

Cordelia nodded seriously before grabbing Ashlyn’s hand and pulling her out and away from the kitchen, rambling about how after dinner she could show her all the toys she had and how Ashlyn could read her a story before bed. Ashlyn turned just as they reached the stairs and caught a glimpse of Kayla and Zosia now in the middle of a serious conversation.

#( ;ashlyn )#( ;ash recovery arc )#( ;zosia )#( ;kayla )#( ;cordelia )#( closebywriting )#honestly i dont know why i thought it would take me two parts to get this little plot i had inside my head onto paper #it may be three or four parts at this point #i hate myslf

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personaldiaryspace · 3 years

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6/7/2021

Heya, Something has just hit me. So I am starting my new job on Monday, with a team day on Friday that I am going too, so really on Friday. I was really pleased with this job. I am fresh out of uni and so to get a job so soon is awesome. The pay is awesome and I will be working with people and be able to gain some amazing skills. It is contract but It is still an amazing opportunity.

Anyway for various reasons, that would identify me if I was to disclose them so i won’t, dad read my contract, which is standard practice. I also read the contract so I knew what it said as he can’t read them forever. So I know how long my probation is, and the policies and practices etc.

A little about me, I am outspoken and opinionated person. I know this. I am super aware of this and I am working on it. It is a trait that has clearly been passed down to me. It is not all under control but I am working on it because they are not good traits to not have under control.

Having read my contract my dad messaged me and said we needed to talk about ‘Conduct’. I didn’t really understand, as this was not my first job. I had worked since I was 16 so I know what working is like, and appropriate topics. Dad rings and he is going on about how if i voice my opinion i am going to lose my job. That because I overshare that I need to be careful because otherwise I will lose my job. The conversation lasts 30 mins, and it is all about how I could lose my job. I am so hurt by this because I am not stupid. This kind of organisation is the kind that there is a chance that politically they are opposite to me, however so are most of my peers, especially at uni. But also I felt that dad is not acknowledging the growth that I have, and I don’t exhibit the traits that he is worried about, as much as I did when I was younger. Which is really hurtful because I am so super self aware.

Anyway me and dad were talking about cars today, loans and all of that kind of stuff because I need a few things, like a new car, now I have a well paying job. He then starts going on about how I could lose my job and I have to be careful when looking at loan payments because I could lose my job without notice. Its all he is going on about AGAIN!! I keep saying, yeah I know, yeah you’ve said, but he is like stop interrupting me or you don’t know listen. It is just super frustrating

I do know, I am aware. Its kinda like he is expecting me to fail and lose my job, which is super weird because he would have to financially support me again if that was the case. Also like I said this is awesome experience so I don’t get why he is mentioning it so much.

And before you say, yeah well your dad cares, he does, but he isn’t going it in a way that is helpful he keeps saying YOU WILL LOSE YOUR JOB. Its like thats what he is expecting to happen. Also I think its because he doesn’t understand anything that he has not worked in, which just FYI is a male dominated field, and one that I don’t want to work in and will never work in because I have no qualifications for that kind of work (if that makes sense?)

Anyway I am feeling now terrified that I am gonna mess this up and lose my job!! I am scare to start work for other reasons so this just adds to it.

I hope that all makes sense because it is late and I am tired.

Anyway yeah that happened today

Thanks :)

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ofmistyeyes-blog · 6 years

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throughout the mist jay heisel ( a seventeen year old boy, need i remind.):

-gets (falsely) accused of sexual assault.

-is placed IMMEDIATELY in a position of power in times of crisis by being one of the decision heads along with gus and kyle.

-gets to fly a drone! because he knows how to it’s the only decent thing that happens to him in any early episode

-is the person who finds the dead bodies of two soldiers in the dead of the night, by himself, in the dark.

-is the person who CUTS DOWN these bodies instead of any of the numerous adults that are in the mall!!

-plays a role in the brute squad as well, he’s usually partaking in the calming down of people who need to be restrained or held back.

-tries to plead his case to the girl he likes who accused him of assault, literally trying his hardest to get her to forgive him.

-exhibits the strength to hold back two adult nerd men :/

-gets a GUN pointed at his head for asking alex to tell her mom that he didn’t hurt her!!! she threatens him with the gun the whole series hes only seventeen calm ur fucking self PLUS in this scene she says ‘i always was an anarchist’ like CLEARLY implying she’d fucking do it !!!

-at this point feels obligated to help as much as possible like he’s also part of the whole helping gang whenever sb has a panic attack to make sure they don’t run out into the mist

-smiles for the first time since the mist came to the mall the mall when he’s given a fucking FOOTBALL that’s how happy he is he FINALLY gets to be a fucking KID again!!! jeez

grown ass woman literally says to him ‘hey if i’m looking to get date-raped i’ll invite you into the conversation.’ like dont be such a fucking bitch!!! jesus christ he literally said ONE OFFHAND THING

-the FIRST person to run to help at the bookstore (which was a BULLSHIT scene i fucking HATE it)

-the same grown ass woman from the first time is back again and he says ‘maybe we should wait ‘til the police get here’ and she NO JOKE says to him ‘you wanna wait for your dad? well tell me what would he do if he were here? because the officer heisel i know isn’t a pussy like you.’ THATS BECAUSE HE’S A FUCKING CHILD, COURTNEY!!!!!! AND HIS DAD IS A GROWN UP ***CHIEF POLICE SHERIFF!!!!!***

-breaks down a locked door, runs through fire, then grabs a fire extinguisher that BURNS THE FUCK out of his hand to save himself and alex.

-god okay i hate everything abt the next mall scenes okay first he gets blamed for locking the door AND setting the fire to kill alex FIRST by alex ‘did you do it so you could play hero?’ and he has to convince her that he DIDN’T!!

-AND THEN he’s finally got everything calmed down, he’s walking with alex, he’s finally gonna feel safe bc he’s allowed to stay in the other place with alex’s crew, and alex’s mom SEES him, and PUNCHES him in the face without a fucking WORD!!!! this grown ass woman!!! then alex’s mom BLAMES HIM for starting the fire !!! she doesn’t give a fuck about this boy and she hasn’t seen what he’s had to go through but he is tired enough of this woman to say to her face ‘and i just don’t believe you’re gonna shoot me over where i crash.’ HELL YEAH BABY

-alex’s mom then threatens to shoot him again but lets him stay. we’re fine!!! stop threatening jay

-then. THEN!!! alex’s mom is clearly sick of him she hates it when they even smile at each other and literally always talks about how she wants to shoot jay like she sits down and her friend goes ‘there was no touching’ and she goes ‘shame, i wanted to shoot him.’ who says that about a fucking seventeen year old!!

-he finally gets to have a little fun with alex they go rollerskating and then they kiss he’s so happy and then they come back and he’s asked to help with water and always eager to please he’s like ‘sure thing.’ and guess the FUCK what!

-alex’s mom LOCKS him into a room with NO windows down a long ass hallway, basically imprisons him all bc alex and him were happy together no offense but she’s such a cruel bitch she didn’t even try to talk to him!!!

-she visits him like a few hours later and he is EXHAUSTED he literally asks her ‘why not just let me die?’ when she throws this crummy bag at him that has HALF an energy bar and some water like,,, btich

-he tells her that his dad thinks that he’s guilty of a crime he didn’t commit too and she literally says to him ‘if you’re looking for pity look elsewhere’ you are the only person he has talked to in HOURS he’s gone from being surrounded by people to being completely alone in a dark room exhausted and tired and upset let him overshare you insufferable BITCH

- when he’s finally seen again he’s KEPT in there with alex and her mom and adrian and they’re all together and he’s so HAPPY to see alex again but adrian and alex’s mom hate him so he’s very,,, uhhh,,

-gets BEATEN with a paint can by adrian like hes gone through ENOUGH!!! they just LEAVE him on the ground too like jesus christ kid prob has a broken shoulder

-HIS DAD IS HERE! he’s so happy to see him he starts turning around on the floor despite having a probably broken shoulder blade and his dad helps him up and he is so obviously in pain his shirt is DRENCHED in sweat and everyone just watched him fucking LIE there im in bits.

-the infamous scene where his dad sends him out to the mist to die (’: he doesn’t die he survives bc he’s a good boy

-then he dies saving alex from the mist vortex that nearly killed her despite having EVERY reason not to do it he did it because he clearly cared sm and he wanted to save her!!!! god he’s so unequivocally good

#i love jay you heard it here first #✘ ⠇ NONEXISTENT IMPULSE CONTROL! ( OOC. )

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medievalpoc · 7 years

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“Kzoo” refers to The International Congress on Medieval Studies, which takes place in Kalamazoo, MI, at Western Michigan University.

To give you an idea of how Big a Deal it is:

The International Congress on Medieval Studies is an annual gathering of around 3,000 scholars interested in medieval studies. The congress features around 575 sessions of papers, panel discussions, roundtables, workshops and performances. There are also some 100 business meetings and receptions sponsored by learned societies, associations and institutions. The exhibits hall boasts nearly 70 exhibitors, including publishers, used book dealers and purveyors of medieval sundries. The congress lasts three and a half days, extending from Thursday morning, with sessions beginning at 10 a.m., until Sunday at noon.

Almost everyone I have academic discourse with on any platform always asks me if I plan to go.

Every year, the answer is no. And it’s not because I don’t WANT to. I very, very much DO.

I can’t go because I’m disabled. And all reports have indicated that this conference is not accessible for someone with my particular set of abilities. I most likely would even be unable to physically access the spaces. And I don’t care to humiliate myself and have to personally overshare and disclose, because I’m a “Special case” and I should be grateful for whatever crumbs they’re willing to toss my way to allow me, PERSONALLY, to attend. As if I care to do so when other disabled people cannot. As if I care to do so being followed by jerks begging for cookies at how “accessible” they made the thing just for ME. I’m missing out on just about everything this discipline might have to offer: opportunities, collaborations, discourse with other specialists and consultants, and they are also missing out on the perspective that I have to offer.

Because I’m disabled. And somehow, this is my personal problem, as if this conflict, this issue, resides firmly in my non-normative body and not in the institutions and individuals that reject the concept of anyone outside of a strict set of parameters or “expected” ability levels being interested or able to participate in such an event.

And I’m not even going to start on the intersectional clusterf*ck of, “but, you’re not even in disability studies, you talk about RACE!” because of course all disabled people are white by default, right? *eyeroll*

The inaccessibility of these types of events send a very clear message: Someone “like me” could not possibly have anything worthwhile to contribute to their event.

I’m feeling this loss especially keenly at the moment because I just returned from WisCon 41, the only con I ever attend because it’s the only con where I do not have to worry about being able to participate in any official event that I’d like to.

To be very clear: WisCon didn’t get that way by magic, it got that way through the blood, sweat, and tears of those who have been trying to carve out a space for themselves for years, and I am the grateful beneficiary of their often thankless toil. And it’s not perfect, but at least I can actually get into the events.

If they can do it, so can others. So can everyone. HIRE AN ACCESSIBILITY CONSULTANT FOR YOUR EVENTS. Create spaces for marginalized people of all kinds, including people of color, gay, queer and/or trans people, variously disabled people, and those who cannot afford the hidden financial costs of attending such events. I’ve had too many sickening bellysful of disingenuous, simpering “How do we get more DIVERSITY at our thingy-thing??” questions slung about on social media, expecting FREE LABOR FROM THE VERY PEOPLE who you are ACTIVELY PREVENTING FROM ATTENDING YOUR EVENTS.

I’m tired of grieving. Do better.

#accessibility #medievalpoc #kalamazoo #medieval studies #WisCon #disability

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autisticrae-blog · 5 years

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aspergirls: reblog & bold which ones you relate to!

Females with Asperger’s Syndrome Unofficial Checklist by Samantha Craft

Section A: Deep Thinkers

A deep thinker

A prolific writer drawn to poetry

*Highly intelligent

Sees things at multiple levels, including her own thinking processes

Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything, continually

Serious and matter-of-fact in nature

Doesn’t take things for granted

Doesn’t simplify

Everything is complex

Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out” (blank stare)

Section B: Innocent

Naïve

Honest

Experiences trouble with lying

Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty

Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation

Easily fooled and conned

Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed

Feelings of being misplaced and/or from another planet

Feelings of isolation

Abused or taken advantage of as a child but didn’t think to tell anyone

Section C: Escape and Friendship

Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action

Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects

Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming

Escapes through mental processing

Escapes through the rhythm of words

Philosophizes, continually

Had imaginary friends in youth

Imitates people on television or in movies

Treated friends as “pawns” in youth, e.g., friends were “students” “consumers” “members”

Makes friends with older or younger females more so than friends her age (often in young adulthood)

Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, attitude, interests, and manner (sometimes speech)

Obsessively collects and organizes objects

Mastered imitation

Escapes by playing the same music over and over

Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real)

Numbers bring ease (could be numbers associated with patterns, calculations, lists, time and/or personification)

Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging

Escapes into other rooms at parties

Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts

Everything has a purpose

Section D: Comorbid Attributes

OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste) (might have synesthesia)

Generalized Anxiety

Sense of pending danger or doom

Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive)

Poor muscle tone, double-jointed, and/or lack in coordination (may have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and/or Hypotonia and/or POTS syndrome)

Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten

Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues

Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges

Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with a mental illness

Experiences multiple physical symptoms, perhaps labeled “hypochondriac”

Questions place in the world

Often drops small objects

Wonders who she is and what is expected of her

Searches for right and wrong

Since puberty has had bouts of depression (may have PMDD)

Flicks/rubs fingernails, picks scalp/skin, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, paces in circles, and/or clears throat often

Section E: Social Interaction

Friends have ended friendship suddenly (without female with AS understanding why) and/or difficult time making friends

Tendency to overshare

Spills intimate details to strangers

Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class

Little impulse control with speaking when younger

Monopolizes conversation at times

Brings subject back to self

Comes across at times as narcissistic and controlling (is not narcissistic)

Shares in order to reach out

Often sounds eager and over-zealous or apathetic and disinterested

Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside

Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly”

Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest or feasible new friendship

Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, body stance, and posture in conversation

Conversation are often exhausting

Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually

Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-filter

Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people

Visualizes and practices how she will act around others

Practices/rehearses in mind what she will say to another before entering the room

Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others

Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situation

Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, inappropriate, or different from others

As a child it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk

Finds norms of conversation confusing

Finds unwritten and unspoken rules difficult to grasp, remember, and apply

Section F: Finds Refuge when Alone

Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house but at the same time will often harbor guilt for “hibernating” and not doing “what everyone else is doing”

One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat (this can even be a familiar family member)

Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety

Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar

Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up

All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about

She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event

OCD tendencies when it comes to concepts of time, being on time, tracking time, recording time, and managing time (could be carried over to money, as well)

Questions next steps and movements, continually

Sometimes feels as if she is on stage being watched and/or a sense of always having to act out the “right” steps, even when she is home alone

Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk (CBT) doesn’t typically alleviate anxiety. CBT may cause increased feelings of inadequacy.

Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind

Requires a large amount of down time or alone time

Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest

Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms

Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, and/or crowded theater

Section G: Sensitive

Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep

Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort

Dreams are anxiety-ridden, vivid, complex, and/or precognitive in nature

Highly intuitive to others’ feelings

Highly empathetic, sometimes to the point of confusion

Takes criticism to heart

Longs to be seen, heard, and understood

Questions if she is a “normal” person

Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions

At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words

Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily, if not hourly

Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work

Views many things as an extension of self

Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment

Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people

Collects or rescues animals (often in childhood)

Huge compassion for suffering (sometimes for inanimate objects/personification)

Sensitive to substances (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, medication, hormones, etc.)

Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action

Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person

Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts

Section H: Sense of Self

Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in

Imitates others without realizing it

Suppresses true wishes (often in young adulthood)

Exhibits codependent behaviors (often in young adulthood)

Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule

Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms

Feelings of extreme isolation

Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work

Switches preferences based on environment and other people

Switches behavior based on environment and other people

Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her

“Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later

Young sounding voice

Trouble recognizing what she looks like and/or has occurrences of slight prosopagnosia (difficulty recognizing or remembering faces)

Feels significantly younger on the inside than on the outside (perpetually twelve)

Section I: Confusion

Had a hard time learning that others are not always honest

Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable (self’s and others’)

Confuses appointment times, numbers, and/or dates

Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest

Spoke frankly and literally in youth

Jokes go over the head

Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray

Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme

Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike

Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her

Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity

Difficulty recognizing how extreme emotions (outrage, deep love) will affect her and challenges transferring what has been learned about emotions from one situation to the next

Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white

The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood (all or nothing mentality)

A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world

A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss

Section J: Words, Numbers, and Patterns

Likes to know word origins and/or origin of historical facts/root cause and foundation

Confused when there is more than one meaning (or spelling) to a word

High interest in songs and song lyrics

Notices patterns frequently

Remembers things in visual pictures

Remembers exact details about someone’s life

Has a remarkable memory for certain details

Writes or creates to relieve anxiety

Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words and/or numbers

Words and/or numbers bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship

(Optional) Executive Functioning & Motor Skills This area isn’t always as evident as other areas

Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship

Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome

New places offer their own set of challenges

Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic

The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety

Mundane tasks are avoided

Cleaning self and home may seem insurmountable

Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task

Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia and/or dysgraphia

A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming

Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class

Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are; not being able to locate something or thinking about locating something can cause feelings of intense anxiety (object permanence challenges) (even with something as simple as opening an envelope)

#asd #autism #actuallyautistic #females with autism #aspergirls #autism spectrum disorder #aspie #aspies #actuallyaspie #aspiegirls #autistic #autistic community #aspergers #asperger syndrome

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akria23 · 7 years

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I've heard people say they wouldn't watch the US remake

And while I always side eye when America remakes something - they're doing a Misfits remake that I'm currently judging - I have to be honest with myself and Americas work. America does ALOT of remakes - the world does really, Asia is known for it, it's actually often considered a compliment over there. The thing is America doesn't always get it wrong and there have been a number of times where America has done better. I love Skam's story itself, so I'd be interested in seeing what we Americans can and cannot do with it. I'm American but I don't trust America much. I wouldn't advise them to redo the stories we've already been presented - instead id recommend taking those stories that didn't get to be told from the perspective of the characters that get to have a voice. This will allow a distance so we're not under the shadow of the original story but still connected enough to be Skam while allowing America to expand on their own flare. The things that Skam hold dear aren't things American writers really are good at holding up tho tbh. When we tell stories of young people for some reason we feel like they have to be fast paced and dramatize. Love stories are rifled with unnecessary triangles that DONT tell you nothing about the characters other than to add conflict, everybody gots to cheat - within the group too because for some reason that's what they think being young is all about, just about nobody stays together because no one stays in love young, we're friends but imma stab you in the back every which way from Sunday and that's okay because we'll still call each other friends cause we make a cute bitchy group. Evaks entire story would have a problem existing in America lol. The reason I love Skam is because it's so different from the stories we get in America. It starts with the girl group and while it's flawed, it no where near what we present female friendship as. It was about propping eachother up and no matter what state of argument they were in they pulled through and were there for each other during the fact...not after it. And even though they have a boy gang it was a we hate eachother fest that's why we're separate, it wasn't that at all. Skam has this quiet moments that we often find boring in our own works - but I do think they're better at it. We're often trying to be different - artistic but Skam in those moments is trying to be raw and that's why it feels authentic. Evak is a perfect example of this because that piece was really artistic - they pay attention to the lighting, the the colors that would be in it and how they would reflect the emotion the character was presenting, glamming up the actors for one shot then leaving them bare and flaws open the next one. Nothing was out of place. Every moment is riddled with emotion - no matter if they were talking or just presenting an image. I do think Evak would be the most difficult story for us not just because it's difficult as hell to look up and find a gay story as the freaked lead 😒 but because their love story was solely about being in love. Their physical intimacies aren't like what our writers normally present us with - take Malec for example...they kiss, they touch - but only when necessary, only when there's an appropriate emotional moment that the writers are trying to woo the fans/audience with. Evak is not like that, the characters touch constantly just because they're around each other, they talk close and low, everything is lingering from the eyes to the tip of the fingers. Lots of Eskimo kisses and cheek brushes - the things that seem so small in the story but were so big to the story they were trying to tell. Intimacy is important to every story because it tells you not only about the character but about the relationship. Evaks intimacy is different from Yousana's and VildexMagnus love to overshare on all their intimacies lol. I f they do decide to do the same stories I do think America can do Sana's story - maybe not better but in a way that people can understand because it seems like a lot of viewers missed the point of her story while being focused on other stuff they had issues with. Plus we're used to these kind of stories even if the Muslim religion hasn't been the forefront theme before. I do think we get so insulted at someone else wanting a piece of the 'pie' that we forget how those people could benefit. Young America has been hyped up on friendships and relationships presented in those such as glee...some Skam would do them right. Flawed ladies who actually love one another. A nonjudgmental boys club that still hold one another accountable 😱. Brother and sister sibling love that's about actual respect and love not normalizing bickering and disinterest. Religious difference not being a bad thing but a shining one. Men being vulnerable, soft, nice for the sake of being nice, seeking advice from women, actually tuning in and listening instead of talking down or at. Women not being guilty or judged and drug through the mud for being themselves (other than you know by the audience 🙃). Women being considered strong by other women who believe them when they say they're gonna come through and can make some shit happen, telling one another that they're the strongest person they know even when that strength isn't something on exhibit 24/7. MEN RESPECTING WOMEN'S BOUNDARIES. Friends fighting for friends instead of against friends. Forgiveness with no tearing down. Minorities/ oppressed as buds. The allowance of subgroups but the ability to come together in celebration and happiness. Love just love with no excuses, no lines drawn in the sand. The crew with through a lot they were scandalous at times - but in all it really was about growing, not just the show writers claiming they had grown. Let's be honest America needs to eat the whole damn pie and swallow the burp. Just because I have found the original and I have no problem with having to read subtitles because of my own lack of knowledge - doesn't mean everyone is in the same boat. If America doing their own version gets the story to more people and moves them - I'm for that. I would just hope like hell that America does right by this piece, because it deserves it.

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wednesddddd · 5 years

Text

These are all of the symptoms I have

-A deep thinker

-Highly intelligent

-Sees things at multiple levels, including her own thinking processes

-Analyzes existence, the meaning of life, and everything, continually

-Serious and matter-of-fact in nature

-Doesn’t take things for granted

-Doesn’t simplify

-Everything is complex

-Often gets lost in own thoughts and “checks out” (blank stare)

-Naïve

-Honest

-Experiences trouble with lying

-Finds it difficult to understand manipulation and disloyalty

-Finds it difficult to understand vindictive behavior and retaliation

-Easily fooled and conned

-Feelings of confusion and being overwhelmed

-Feelings of isolation

-Survives overwhelming emotions and senses by escaping in thought or action

-Escapes regularly through fixations, obsessions, and over-interest in subjects

-Escapes routinely through imagination, fantasy, and daydreaming

-Escapes through mental processing

-Escapes through the rhythm of words

-Philosophizes, continually

-Imitates people on television or in movies

-Makes friends with older or younger females more so than friends her age (often in young adulthood)

-Imitates friends or peers in style, dress, attitude, interests, and manner (sometimes speech)

-Mastered imitation

-Escapes by playing the same music over and over

-Escapes through a relationship (imagined or real)

-Numbers bring ease (could be numbers associated with patterns, calculations, lists, time and/or personification)

-Escapes through counting, categorizing, organizing, rearranging

-Escapes into other rooms at parties

-Cannot relax or rest without many thoughts

-Everything has a purpose

-OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)

-Sensory Issues (sight, sound, texture, smells, taste) (might have Synthesia)

-Generalized Anxiety

-Feelings of polar extremes (depressed/over-joyed; inconsiderate/over-sensitive)

-Eating disorders, food obsessions, and/or worry about what is eaten

-Irritable bowel and/or intestinal issues

-Chronic fatigue and/or immune challenges

-Misdiagnosed or diagnosed with a mental illness

-Experiences multiple physical symptoms, perhaps labeled “hypochondriac”

-Questions place in the world

-Often drops small objects

-Wonders who she is and what is expected of her

-Searches for right and wrong

-Since puberty has had bouts of depression (may have PMDD)

-Flicks/rubs fingernails, picks scalp/skin, flaps hands, rubs hands together, tucks hands under or between legs, keeps closed fists, paces in circles, and/or clears throat often

-Tendency to overshare

-Raised hand too much in class or didn’t participate in class

-Little impulse control with speaking when younger

-Monopolizes conversation at times

-Brings subject back to self

-Shares in order to reach out

-Often sounds eager and over-zealous or apathetic and disinterested

-Holds a lot of thoughts, ideas, and feelings inside

-Feels as if she is attempting to communicate “correctly”

-Obsesses about the potentiality of a relationship with someone, particularly a love interest or feasible new friendship

-Confused by the rules of accurate eye contact, tone of voice, proximity of body, body stance, and posture in conversation

-Conversation are often exhausting

-Questions the actions and behaviors of self and others, continually

-Feels as if missing a conversation “gene” or thought-filter

-Trained self in social interactions through readings and studying of other people

-Visualizes and practices how she will act around others

-Practices/rehearses in mind what she will say to another before entering the room

-Difficulty filtering out background noise when talking to others

-Has a continuous dialogue in mind that tells her what to say and how to act when in a social situation

-Sense of humor sometimes seems quirky, odd, inappropriate, or different from others

-As a child it was hard to know when it was her turn to talk

-Finds norms of conversation confusing

-Finds unwritten and unspoken rules difficult to grasp, remember, and apply

-Feels extreme relief when she doesn’t have to go anywhere, talk to anyone, answer calls, or leave the house but at the same time will often harbor guilt for “hibernating” and not doing “what everyone else is doing”

-One visitor at the home may be perceived as a threat (this can even be a familiar family member)

-Knowing logically a house visitor is not a threat, doesn’t relieve the anxiety

-Feelings of dread about upcoming events and appointments on the calendar

-Knowing she has to leave the house causes anxiety from the moment she wakes up

-All the steps involved in leaving the house are overwhelming and exhausting to think about

-She prepares herself mentally for outings, excursions, meetings, and appointments, often days before a scheduled event

-OCD tendencies when it comes to concepts of time, being on time, tracking time, recording time, and managing time (could be carried over to money, as well)

-Questions next steps and movements, continually

-Sometimes feels as if she is on stage being watched and/or a sense of always having to act out the “right” steps, even when she is home alone

-Telling self the “right” words and/or positive self-talk (CBT) doesn’t typically alleviate anxiety. CBT may cause increased feelings of inadequacy.

-Knowing she is staying home all day brings great peace of mind

-Requires a large amount of down time or alone time

-Feels guilty after spending a lot of time on a special interest

-Uncomfortable in public locker rooms, bathrooms, and/or dressing rooms

-Dislikes being in a crowded mall, crowded gym, and/or crowded theater

-Sensitive to sounds, textures, temperature, and/or smells when trying to sleep

-Adjusts bedclothes, bedding, and/or environment in an attempt to find comfort

-Highly intuitive to others’ feelings

-Highly empathetic, sometimes to the point of confusion

-Takes criticism to heart

-Longs to be seen, heard, and understood

-Questions if she is a “normal” person

-Highly susceptible to outsiders’ viewpoints and opinions

-At times adapts her view of life or actions based on others’ opinions or words

-Recognizes own limitations in many areas daily, if not hourly

-Becomes hurt when others question or doubt her work

-Views many things as an extension of self

-Fears others opinions, criticism, and judgment

-Dislikes words and events that hurt animals and people

-Collects or rescues animals (often in childhood)

-Huge compassion for suffering (sometimes for inanimate objects/personification)

-Sensitive to substances (environmental toxins, foods, alcohol, medication, hormones, etc.)

-Tries to help, offers unsolicited advice, or formalizes plans of action

-Questions life purpose and how to be a “better” person

-Seeks to understand abilities, skills, and/or gifts

-Feels trapped between wanting to be herself and wanting to fit in

-Imitates others without realizing it

-Suppresses true wishes (often in young adulthood)

-Exhibits codependent behaviors (often in young adulthood)

-Adapts self in order to avoid ridicule

-Rejects social norms and/or questions social norms

-Feelings of extreme isolation

-Feeling good about self takes a lot of effort and work

-Switches preferences based on environment and other people

-Switches behavior based on environment and other people

-Didn’t care about her hygiene, clothes, and appearance before teenage years and/or before someone else pointed these out to her

-“Freaks out” but doesn’t know why until later

-Young sounding voice

-Had a hard time learning that others are not always honest

-Feelings seem confusing, illogical, and unpredictable (self’s and others’)

-Expects that by acting a certain way certain results can be achieved, but realizes in dealing with emotions, those results don’t always manifest

-Spoke frankly and literally in youth

-Jokes go over the head

-Confused when others ostracize, shun, belittle, trick, and betray

-Trouble identifying feelings unless they are extreme

-Trouble with emotions of hate and dislike

-Feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her

-Personal feelings of anger, outrage, deep love, fear, giddiness, and anticipation seem to be easier to identify than emotions of joy, satisfaction, calmness, and serenity

-Difficulty recognizing how extreme emotions (outrage, deep love) will affect her and challenges transferring what has been learned about emotions from one situation to the next

-Situations and conversations sometimes perceived as black or white

-The middle spectrum of outcomes, events, and emotions is sometimes overlooked or misunderstood (all or nothing mentality)

-A small fight might signal the end of a relationship or collapse of world

-A small compliment might boost her into a state of bliss

-Confused when there is more than one meaning (or spelling) to a word

-High interest in songs and song lyrics

-Notices patterns frequently

-Remembers things in visual pictures

-Remembers exact details about someone’s life

-Has a remarkable memory for certain details

-Has certain “feelings” or emotions towards words and/or numbers

-Words and/or numbers bring a sense of comfort and peace, akin to a friendship

-Simple tasks can cause extreme hardship

-Learning to drive a car or rounding the corner in a hallway can be troublesome

-New places offer their own set of challenges

-Anything that requires a reasonable amount of steps, dexterity, or know-how can rouse a sense of panic

-The thought of repairing, fixing, or locating something can cause anxiety

-Mundane tasks are avoided

-Cleaning self and home may seem insurmountable

-Many questions come to mind when setting about to do a task

-Might leave the house with mismatched socks, shirt buttoned incorrectly, and/or have dyslexia and/or dysgraphia

-A trip to the grocery store can be overwhelming

-Trouble copying dance steps, aerobic moves, or direction in a sports gym class

-Has a hard time finding certain objects in the house but remembers with exact clarity where other objects are; not being able to locate something or thinking about locating something can cause feelings of intense anxiety (object permanence challenges) (even with something as simple as opening an envelope)

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