#I still can’t get over the details they both look so incredible and the background????
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George: The Best of Us
Can’t start this one off without acknowledging that George Cubbins and George Karim do have some differences, so I’ll be looking a bit at both of them. But I agree with Lucy’s characterization of George: he’s the best of them. Warning: mild book spoilers follow.
We don’t have a lot of background from George’s early life. We know he comes from a loving family and still visits them. George Karim mentions having a granny in Sidcup and three older brothers who are all engineers. (This is a bit funny, because he talks about his family as “engineer, engineer, engineer, weirdo”, and if you’ve ever met an engineer, you realize that there really isn’t a difference among the 4 of them.) Anyway, we know from the books that George Cubbins has a mum who has given Lockwood at least one tea cozy (it’s used to cover Skull at one point) and by extension, likely other gifts as well. So, they’re obviously loving and supportive.
We know that George once worked for Fittes. Little is made of George’s Talent, other than Lockwood mentioning that George has the Touch, but obviously he had enough of it to get a job at the premier psychical investigation agency in the country. In fact, he only left Fittes after being fired for being too curious; Ms. Fittes must have realized that if anyone were going to uncover the truth about the Problem, it would be George. The oversight of George’s Talent is likely because it is overshadowed by his intelligence and research skills, which are formidable.
George has the ability to do a deep dive into the history of nearly any topic or place. He has an indefatigable willingness to visit churches, libraries, and any place necessary to uncover the details of a location’s history, thus cluing his teammates into possible sources. They'd really be blundering around in the dark without his guidance. Doing research itself is a skill; knowing how to cross reference topics, knowing all the different words and phrases possible for the same topic throughout the ages, catching the minute details that link people, places, and objects together. And it’s a skill George does better than any other character that either readers or viewers meet in the Lockwood & Co universe. George can make the inferential leaps that others are blind to, and he does it intuitively and quickly, leaving others behind in the dust. Take the theft of the bone glass at Kensal Green. Lockwood and Lucy have a little role play, talking through how the thief may have made their way into the chapel - then- crime scene. They are able to build off each other’s ideas to come up with a hypothesis, and go off to check it…only to find George already there, having already come to this conclusion on his own. In fact, George is used to working on his own, something that will set him up to be hurt later.
George and Lockwood obviously have an incredibly deep friendship, one based on mutual respect and understanding. Lockwood appreciates George. He understands that George doesn’t think about things and people the way others do, and has no desire to change George. He values George’s differences. George respects Lockwood, too. He recognizes Lockwood’s reckless nature, the darkness within him, but he doesn’t challenge Lockwood on it. At one point he criticizes Lucy for not stopping Lockwood from going to the Hope house without the research having been completed (“You’re meant to stop him, Lucy”), but he’s guilty of the same thing the night they go wraith hunting while Lucy is recovering from her initial interaction with Skull. He accuses Lockwood of not giving him time to properly do the research, but obviously, he went along with Lockwood anyway. Also, his trust in Lockwood is absolute. When bad press starts coming after the Hope house fire, Lockwood says, "I'll handle it" and George just says, "Ok". He doesn't ask how; he accepts at face value that if Lockwood says he'll handle it, he will.
Over time, George and Lucy grow close, as well. He truly appreciates their blossoming friendship ("She's really starting to get me"). His concern for her behavior in the bath is genuine. (side note: I have a hc that George's parents found him in the bath as a young child with his clothes on and told him, gently, that this was Not Normal, and that's why he says the same to Lucy, later.) Anyway, he sees the ache in her, the need for belonging that he also sees in his best friend. He recognizes that the two will complement each other, and becomes her unfailing advocate from that point forward.
George may not be touchy-feely, but he definitely believes in acts of service. He cooks, and maintains 35 Portland Row, he keeps the books and files because Lockwood doesn't have the patience to do so, and he manages much of the logistics of the Agency. Lockwood and Lucy rely on him to the point of advantage; they don't even comment on how much he does until they suddenly realize they haven't packed the chains, or re-ordered flares. He balances their impulsivity. He considers risk and consequences, protecting them from themselves.
A lot is made of what appears to be some neurodivergence in George, wonderfully acted by Ali Hadji-Heshmati. He’s awkward with eye contact, and speaks his mind a little too freely. He has little affect; Lucy can tell more about his mood by how he cleans his spectacles than by tone of voice or facial expression. He obviously is touch-sensitive: he prefers not wearing trousers, and when he does, they’re loose and baggy. Even his kit belt is different to the others; Lockwood and Lucy wear stiff leather kit belts, but George’s is a kind of mesh. (Combine that with psychic ability linked to Touch, and realize what a tough go of it George must have had growing up.) I really like that all of these aspects of George’s character are just that; they’re not highlighted, he’s not made into some kind of token neurodivergent character. He’s just…George. His strengths and differences are appreciated as much as any other character’s.
The combination of George's research skill and different manner of thinking combine to make him susceptible to obsessive behaviors. He is, of every other character in the series, the only one who is actively trying to SOLVE the Problem. Everyone else is caught up in reacting to it. George sees the big picture, that the agencies are losing, giving ground to the seemingly unstoppable onslaught of Visitors. He realizes that the only way to stop the Problem is to find its source, to prevent more Visitors from coming, rather than to just keep trying to eliminate the ones they find, one at a time. The obsession is a point of weakness capitalized upon by Joplin & the bone glass. George's tendency to do the work alone isolates him from his team and leaves him vulnerable. An important part of his character arc is to recognize how his skills dovetail with those of his teammates to create a unified front of strength and efficacy. Once he does so, he also uncovers the cause of the Problem, and thus, a way to potentially control it.
What I find most admirable about George is his bravery. In the books, George Cubbins is described quite unfavorably by Lucy as having a face that begged to be slapped and a backside in need of a well placed kick. George Cubbins is described as slovenly, appearing not to own a comb, with a completely disorderly room. George Karim, on the other hand, stress cleans. He may not be one to dress up, but he seems not to suffer from the hygiene issues of his literary counterpart.
However, none of this bothers George, because he doesn’t care much about how others look on the surface. He doesn’t worry about his own outward appearance because he hopes others will judge him in the way he judges them: by their actions, by who they are inside. In fact, Skull (who mostly sees only a person’s inner self, what will eventually become their plasm if they become Visitors after death, and which I interpret to be a soul) notes that only himself and George are able to see past surface distractions to the truth of a person. It's part of why he's able to see past Flo's ghost trauma and recognize her intelligence, bravery, skill, and freedom.
George is unapologetically himself. In the final book, when Sir Rupert and his goons are targeting the smaller agencies and assaulting agents on the streets, George is the only one of Lockwood & Co to stand up to Sir Rupert’s bullying. He is unafraid to be out at any time of day or night, and has complete faith in his own ability to defend himself. He speaks his mind because he knows he has the ability to back it up, if necessary. He is criminally overlooked by most people who meet him, but George is intelligent, brave, loyal, skilled, possesses a sharp and witty sense of humor, and is the glue that holds his agency together. He really is, as Lucy says, the best of them.
#george karim#george cubbins#lockwood & co#lockwood and co#renew lockwood and co#l&co character analysis#ali hadji heshmati#George appreciation post#anthony lockwood#lucy carlyle#Lockwood & Co book spoilers
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Febuwhump Day 19 - "You Deserve This"
or, hollow me out (and fill me with rage)
5.1k. The Doctor's captivity continues, this time, with a punishment of a particular karmic parallel.
(too long? read on ao3!)
bit of background here, this is meant as a continuation of a storyline in which the Doctor has been kidnapped by one of their colleagues and a former subject and experiences various punishments and humiliations, supposedly with the goal of making them feel bad for being awful all of the time (which we all know is impossible). the "previous day" that keeps being referred to the Doc was forced to "reveal" their assigned gender under duress (they lied, they don't remember). it stands pretty well on its own if you just ignore all of the little details that don't make sense, haha
Content Warnings: gore/vivisection, nausea (no vomiting), misgendering (the Doctor is not a woman and this is not lady whump, that’s the more wrong of the two options), drug mentions (medical setting and use).
I am awoken by the sharp bite of a needle going into my neck, and dread pools in my stomach as I realise what is happening. I have ten seconds to fight before the paralytic goes to work on my muscles, but it is too late. Harper is on top of me, and even I, with my enhanced strength, cannot fight both him and the drug.
“Really, Rowan, your drugs are incredible,” Rosen taunts me. He knows how much I despise being called that name. “You haven’t patented this? What a waste.”
“You know why I have not,” I grind out. Insufferable prick.
He grins. “Ah, yes. Can’t publish your research because of your methods. What a shame.” Wrong. I can easily have procedural records forged that would obfuscate the less-than-savoury origins of my results. I do not do so because I have integrity, unlike some other doctors I could mention.
My muscles have gone slack by now, and I hang limply from the cot, still pale and thin from my previous ordeals. “What do you want?” I interject, annoyed. I wish he would just get the seven-devilled procedure over with instead of wasting time needling me as if it would make me feel some sort of remorse.
“Harper tells me that today’s procedure is one of your favourites,” Rosen explains. Surely he doesn’t mean…
I won’t deny my nature. I do not even have the decency to be afraid in the face of what is most likely torture. Instead, giddy anticipation wells in my stomach, and requires concentration to keep out of my voice. “I guarantee you, hallucinogens will not produce as satisfying a result in me as you anticipate.” I can never resist the urge to wilfully misunderstand, one of my many small vices.
“Idiot, not that,” Harper spits as he hoists me up out of the cot. I feel sick hanging upside down over his shoulder with no feeling below the neck, but voicing my discomfort will get me nowhere. He continues, “You’d always get this light in your eyes when talking about it, like you were… hunting. You called it… uh… gross something… vivisystem?” Typical. I did not study him for his intelligence, after all. He wasn’t even really a pleasant diversion.
Rosen rolls his eyes, walking behind us on the way to the operating theatre. “Gross multi-system vivisection, Harper, we went over this. At least pretend to pay attention, won’t you? And don’t tilt them so much, they’re starting to look a little green around the gills.” It’s true, I am quite nauseous at this point, but that is least among the concerns of my mind when faced with the prospect of my wildest dreams being realised.
“She’s fine,” Harper says, dumping me unceremoniously onto the gurney, where I will be prepared for surgery before being transferred to the operating table. “Probably can’t even puke with that shit you put into her.”
“Could. Shall not,” I respond, tersely. I fear that if I open my mouth too far, I will vomit. It’s a mostly involuntary process that will only be slightly impeded by the impairment of my abdominal muscles.
Harper moves to undress me, but Rosen shoulders him off. “No way. Not after that stunt you pulled yesterday. I don’t care what they did to you, you don’t violate them like that. What is the point of this if you are more cruel even than they were to you?”
I am grateful. Harper’s insistence on “she” since the debacle yesterday doesn’t bother me any. I am used to that. It’s the way he says it, as if I am a cut of meat he plans to devour. I have not missed that feeling at all in the last several decades of being assumed to be some flavour of male. Rosen, at least, still respects me as a human being and as a fellow researcher, though I find it hard to believe that his only goal in this is to somehow rehabilitate me.
“The point,” Harper hisses, “is to make this bitch pay for what she did to me!” He pulls up his shirt to reveal a nasty-looking Y-shaped scar. My sutures usually heal much better than that…
“Sorry,” Rosen whispers as he pulls down my trousers. He continues, louder, “What did you even study him for, anyway? It’s not like he’s special.”
“No, certainly not. An ordinary human subject was what I was looking for. I was attempting to induce accelerated healing in a subject without mutated biology, though I was only marginally successful. Should have pushed harder on that last drug trial; I pulled the plug because of the risk factor, but I suppose I would not be here if I had killed him.” The healing factor drugs are mostly complete now, though I must still tailor the formulation to the recipient’s unique biology, preferably with the assistance of genetic sequencing.
Rosen shrugs as he pulls the paper gown over me. “Well, he lived, so you must have done something right.”
I snort. “I am a doctor, Rosen. I do not lose patients on my operating table.” On the rare occasion a subject expires while in my care, it is due to complications and not the procedures themselves. Though I am usually able to mitigate these, occasionally there is nothing even I can do.
Outraged at being talked about like he is not present, Harper shoulders his way back into the conversation. “The hell you don’t! You murdered that woman right in front of me!”
“Oh, Adelaide? She still lives. She was an immortal. Were you not aware? I suppose not. I had given up on explaining things to you at that point. But no, she did not die, at least not permanently. That was the purpose of the experiment, to transfer at least a subset of her abilities to you. You did not acquire that one, obviously.”
He has no response other than indignant noises and gaping like a fish, which, I must admit, is quite satisfying. Rosen goes to scrub in, leaving Harper to transfer me to the operating table. He is not gentle, as expected, and I let out a soft grunt as my back impacts the hard surface. I honestly do not understand why he is so bitter. Most released subjects of mine would much rather never see me again than seek me out for some sort of revenge. He is hale and healthy, even with a bit of accelerated healing, and without lasting disability. If he gained some amount of post-traumatic stress after his experience, well, we’ve all done that. If anything, I did him several favours.
Rosen returns quickly. He is nothing if not a professional. Unfortunately, he is also a completely insufferable, eel-headed buffoon. “Scrub in, Harper,” he commands, and Harper scuttles off to obey. I do very much prefer non-sterile individuals not to be present while my chest cavity is open. “I’ve never done this before, should be a learning experience for me. How long did it take you to master?”
He is trying to frighten me. It will not work; I am far too excited to be frightened. “Mastery required several years and tens of repetitions. I performed the procedure passably on the first attempt, however.”
If one were to question my colleagues, one would come away with the impression that I am something of a surgical prodigy, a notion which I quite dispute. The fact remains that I find surgery to be relaxing, and it comes to me rather easily. My perfectionism regarding working with living subjects rather than cadavers knows no bounds, and I am versatile in an operating theatre, able to do whatever is necessary to ensure a procedure is a success. I would not call myself a doctor if I could do anything less, though others are much freer with the title. Regardless, I am likely to enjoy the procedure even more if Rosen errs catastrophically, though losing my life in the process may not be worth the trouble.
Rosen is unimpressed. “I’m sure. Doctor Pryor’s wunderkind would never need more than one try to learn anything. What would she say if she knew what you’d done?”
“I am sure I have not the slightest idea. I care little for her approval. I am perfectly content to do my work in peace.” I would rather work the clinic than attend these ridiculous symposiums. My feelings on clinic hours are neutral, bordering on dislike, but still.
“Ah, of course. Soulless vessel of science and all that.” Ridiculous. I have never claimed to be such. “Let’s see if you’re still so cold when it’s your guts on the table.” Cold is unlikely to be the correct word to describe it…
Harper is back now, hovering awkwardly on the opposite side of the table from Rosen. “Come on, just cut her open already…” Eager to see me bleed. I share the sentiment.
“Right. Would you even use pain relief for a procedure like this, Rowan? Or do you prefer to watch your victims squirm?”
Victims? Please. “Of course I do, Rosen; I am not cruel for its own sake. However-” I shouldn’t. Would he even listen? He would surely think me mad. Though, he already thinks I am insane… which is not entirely inaccurate. “Would you… refrain from using it this time? The paralytic will dull much of it, regardless.”
Rosen is dumbstruck. “Y-you… want to feel it? You really are a freak, aren’t you…”
After all of these years, I am still somehow hurt by the name ‘freak’. “You are under no obligation to acquiesce, of course. You will want to use two hundred and fifty micrograms of fentanyl, and double the dose of the paralytic formulation. I should not have this much control over my diaphragm.” If he will not cede to my requests, the least he can do is not have me die from shock.
“And you want us to skip the fentanyl?” Harper asks warily, wondering, most likely, if it will give me some advantage.
“Naturally. I have no way of gathering data on the actual experience: not only is it more difficult to operate on a conscious and feeling subject, very few will talk to me afterward other than to heap curses upon my head. This is an excellent opportunity to collect the data myself. My tolerance is much higher than the average subject. You will not have to worry about my making the procedure more difficult by breathing erratically or going into shock from pain alone.”
“You’ve thought about this. You’ve planned this.” Rosen’s tone is accusatory. I am sure that his surgical mask hides an expression just as horrified.
I roll my eyes. “I perform vivisections on myself regularly, yes. A multi-system would be both awkward and incredibly dangerous to perform on oneself, though I will not deny having thought about it in detail.” Fantasised, really. I could learn so much.
Harper pulls Rosen aside and they whisper among themselves, attempting to determine if fulfilling my request will defeat their purpose. I suppose I should not inform them that I can still hear them. I don’t understand what they think I will do, enjoy it too much, I imagine. It is not as if I seek pain for its own sake.
Eventually, they return, having decided that pain would surely drown out any enjoyment I may receive before I could savour it. At this point, I would rather like to get the whole thing over with. I am quite cold lying here in paper clothes while they deliberate. “Quite finished?”
“Shut it. You’re getting what’s coming to you.” Harper hovers a short distance away, likely having been told by Rosen to keep his distance if he wanted to be allowed to watch the show.
“Ah. Yes. Restitution for my many sins. May God have mercy on my soul.”
“Watch it, Rowan,” Rosen warns, pushing more paralytic as I had directed. “Save your strength. You’ll need it.”
I miss the opportunity for another eye roll when the first incision bites into my skin, sending ripples of euphoria through my entire body. My first instinct is to bite down on my knuckle to suppress the urge to laugh out loud, but, of course, I am immobile, and must settle for a gasp instead. The pain is there, of course: I can feel every millimetre of the scalpel sliding through my skin on its Y-shaped path, but the calydinol is doing its job, and the sensation is not nearly as acute as it could be. I have experience with this. It isn’t usually until about half an hour into a vivisection that the pain begins interfering with my ability to work.
Speaking of which, I must catalogue this. It would be too much to ask for my tape recorder. I shall have to rely on memory. They’ve skipped the external inventory, though, I suppose, they have no interest in the actual data, and I believe Rosen would like to avoid drawing Harper’s attention to my body (and particularly, my lack of genitalia) after yesterday’s disaster. I have sufficient data on my own particulars, regardless. The Y-incision is neat and performed with care. Rosen is actually a capable surgeon, after all, and as much as I dislike him, I cannot deny we possess a similar degree of professional dedication.
The sensation of having my skin pulled back is not exactly new, but this is my first time having it done on an area so large and one that I cannot see. With minor vivisections, I tend not to use any sort of anaesthetic at all on myself, so the humming numbness of the paralytic is an odd addition to the familiar feeling, but it’s the fingers on my internal organs that are most distressing. I remain silent, though I, at last, understand why subjects usually cry out: it is incredibly odd, though not painful, per se.
“Where’re the… you know, ova… girl parts?” Harper seems intent on being as incredibly rude as possible.
“Absent.” I glare at him, or as much as I can without being able to pick my head up.
“Hush, Rowan.” It’s not as if I can really speak while my intestines are being pulled on, regardless. “And do you really think they wouldn’t have had a hysterectomy by now, Harper? I don’t think I’ve ever known a doctor to be so eager to modify their own body.” I choose to take that as a compliment. It is one of the few redeeming qualities about being biological that my knowledge of pharmaceuticals allows me to have my body running quite the way I want it.
Harper shrugs. “I dunno. Seems to me like she’d never let someone else take a knife to her. Wouldn’t trust anyone. She thinks she’s the only good doctor on the planet.” Half true. I do, in general, provide my own medical care, and I think I bring a higher quality than most, but I would not prevent someone else from assisting me if I were incapacitated. Some things I cannot do myself, there is no shame in that.
“For all we know, they did it themselves,” Rosen mutters, watching my face suspiciously. I smile in return until he looks away. “You won’t be smiling once I bring out the bone saw.”
He is correct, and that is one element that distresses me. It appears to be the most painful part of the entire process if subject reactions are anything to go on, and though I can withstand quite a bit of pain, I am not confident that my veneer of calm will survive the ordeal. It has been a very long while since I have experienced any sort of sensation that would bring me distress, and longer still since anything I would consider unbearable. I do not wish to cry in front of Harper again, but if it is unavoidable, I suppose I shall deal with it as it comes.
Rosen is squeezing a section of my small intestine between his thumb and forefinger. I grunt softly; it is painful, but I am more bothered by the memory of what pain in that location usually means for me. “Does this feel inflamed to you? If I didn’t know better, I’d say you had celiac.”
“I do. Be delicate with that, will you? It is already sufficiently damaged and I would prefer not to have to remove it. Now you know why I would only eat the rice.” The cross-contamination still caught me, hence the inflammation when I have been rigorous with my diet for decades, but I make do.
Harper laughs. “That’s the no-gluten thing, right? Should we feed her bread and see what happens?” I sigh, but say nothing.
Rosen doesn’t respond for a moment, mind occupied with measuring my intestines. “Seven hundred and sixty-eight centimetres, in case you wanted the information. Might do an endoscopy tomorrow to check on it. And don’t be ridiculous, Harper, I’m not trying to send them home minus intestine.”
“Regardless, I am sure watching me lie on a cot staring into space will not be as amusing as you anticipate. I have lived with the condition since childhood. Do you truly think a person who would ask you to perform surgery without pain relief is not aware of how much pain they can tolerate?”
“Rosen told you to shut up.” Harper is tired of being mocked, clearly.
“Rosen can- unh!” My words are arrested by the bite of the bone saw in my ribs.
I find describing the sensation quite difficult. Pain, certainly. White-hot agony erupting from the site, the vibrations resonating through my entire skeletal structure and producing a terrible sound in my ears. I didn’t expect to feel every millimetre of my bones being ground away; I am grateful that Rosen is a cardiac surgeon and that I do not have to fear for his procedural awareness or I think I would be beside myself with anxiety. As it is, the terror still shakes me to my core, and I catch myself wondering for a fleeting instant if I am going to die, here and now, on this table. Certainly not, though the fear is understandable. There is an inherent sense of wrongness to having your internals altered while you are conscious.
Harper has found the strangled sounds I have been making quite amusing. “Ready for the painkillers yet, Doc? You’re not getting any…” I have a long list of scathing retorts I would like to make, but cannot get any of them out through the choking sobs my throat constricts into on every involuntary exhale. The breathing regulation is working, at least. I had been worried based on how easy I’d found talking to be, but I needn’t have been concerned. The tears slipping down the sides of my face and pooling in my ears are embarrassing, but there is nothing I can do about that now.
As Rosen spreads my ribs, I stop breathing entirely. My throat tightens to the point of complete obstruction, and I can hear the monitor beeping indignantly as my oxygen saturation dips. “Breathe, Rowan. How are we doing?” This is his way of offering me fentanyl. He can shove the syringe up his arse for all I care.
“F-fine… no… drugs…” My voice sounds strange, thin and faltering, but I will not give up now. My blood is still singing with the thrill of discovery even as railroad spikes of concentrated pain hammer into my spine with every movement Rosen makes. “The pain is… subsiding… I can push through.”
“You really are something else… I’ll keep the records for you, at least. Assuming you stop performing these procedures. I bet that’s a better carrot for you than any threat I could make. I’ll give you the data if you give up your practice, eh?”
I feel the urge to laugh building in my chest again, the crackling energy of mania pulsing just beneath the surface now unsuppressed by my altered mental state. Surrender my licence? I cannot even imagine it. What would I do, who would I be if not the Doctor? Just an elderly fool whose eccentricities everyone tolerates while they wait to die, nameless and purposeless. To while away my eternity carving dollhouses instead of corpses, sewing miniature outfits instead of skin? I may as well die right here on the table.
My expression most likely betrays some of this internal reflection (though I can no more laugh than I can get up and walk about) because Rosen shakes his head, clicking his tongue scoldingly. “Didn’t think so, but a man can hope. What do you even get out of this, Rowan? Surely there are easier ways to get the data you’re after.”
The data I want? No, there is no quicker, easier, or cleaner method, but I know that is not the question he truly wishes answered. “When you hold my heart in your hands, you tell me.” If he cannot understand then how I feel when I perform a procedure like this, he never will.
Rosen is discomfited by the cryptic statement, though he does not yet understand. Harper, though, in an uncharacteristic display of insight, appears to have worked it out. “You can’t beat the crazy out of her, Rosen. I told you that. She’s dangerous, and this rehabilitation bullshit is only gonna end with some other guy like me caught in her clutches somewhere else. She needs to be put down.” He is not the first to suggest it, though obviously, I still draw breath. Everyone who tries hesitates, stalled by greed or something like it, and Rosen is no different.
“I didn’t bring them here to kill them in cold blood, and with a mind like theirs, I won’t let you do it either. It would be a crime to destroy something like this.” There it is. I am just as useful to Rosen as I am to anyone else, not least because he cannot do the things I can with pharmaceutical synthesis. They all believe that if they can control me, they can use me, and that destroying me would be a waste. I quite agree on that last point, though the others are ridiculous. I give Harper a “good try” smile and try to focus on retaining consciousness. The pain is rather more intense than I had anticipated.
“You’re just like her,” Harper shoots back. “You’ll do anything for your results. Every crime, every person she kills, that shit’s on your head, too. All you doctors are the same. I dunno why I thought you’d-” He’s cut off by the strangled cry I make as Rosen pulls out my liver and places it on the scale.
“Easy does it. You want the biopsies done too, right?” I nod feebly, awash in misery. This is usually where I would seek to bring a self-surgical procedure to a close. My hands will begin to shake and I will require long pauses between incisions to regulate my breathing. No reprieve will be granted to me here, though. I regret that I am too proud to ask for pain relief, though it is unlikely that any would be given. This is a punishment, after all. “I’m going to switch to cardiopulmonary bypass. Help me, won’t you, Harper? You’re not here just to gawk.” Harper does as he’s told, much to my relief.
Once on bypass, I am unable to speak, and therefore have plenty of time for introspection. Harper and Rosen are also silent, save for the exchange of instructions and clarifications. It is rather eerie. I am used to the sound of my own voice in the operating theatre, narrating my notes to the tape recorder, talking to the subject whether or not they are capable of response, and singing quietly to myself when things are going well. It is quite rare for me to remain in silence. I am forced to reckon with the reality of my situation.
I am forced to admit that I was previously rather… overconfident… regarding my pain tolerance. It has been many years, I would have to say at least fifty, since I have experienced concentrated suffering on this scale. I have had my share of mishaps despite the off-field nature of my position: bullet wounds, stab wounds, various broken bones, overexertion, and the ever-present caffeine withdrawal, but I am usually able to triage, treat, and reduce my discomfort to manageable levels. Levels that are still quite intolerable for others, I am told, and it’s true, I would consider it malpractice to prescribe only a standard dose of paracetamol to any other patient for post-surgical care. I manage, by and large, and I do not complain often.
This experience, however, is fit to recalibrate my prior standards. The constant pulse of agony, flaring with every heartbeat (though, less now, with the bypass machine) is enough to bring tears to my eyes, and it’s been decades since I did that last. I can feel the beginnings of an anxiety attack tightening my lungs and- Oh. Nevermind. I no longer have lungs. Regardless, my mind seems to want to flash back to some long-buried unpleasant experience. My amnesia is an issue I prefer to address as little as possible, it is rarely relevant in my day-to-day life, but I find myself wishing I at least knew what sort of thing to expect to be immersed in if that barrier were to violently shatter.
I… I want Luca…
At this point, my abdominal cavity is mostly empty. I feel hollow emotionally as well, silent tears slipping into my ears and soaking into my hair. All of the thrill of a novel experience is gone, and the whole of my sensation is now consumed by pain. Rosen mistakenly believes that I am myopic rather than hyperopic, and therefore, when he cradles my heart in his hands and brings it to what he assumes is my visual range, it is still rather blurry. An interesting emotion grips me, looking at my own heart, unbeating, pink and red, smaller, somehow, than I had expected. I would say my heart twists, but that is clearly impossible, and the dissonance causes a wave of nausea to wash over me, and I think I would shudder if I could move. The nausea, at least, is still possible: my digestive tract is intact, to my relief. I do not trust Rosen to put it back together properly. Frankly, I do not trust him to put any of me back together as well as I would like, but it is rather late for that now.
“Well, here it is. Still with us, Rowan?” I can only blink heavily at him, attempting to indicate that my stillness is not due to catatonia. I am rather close to dissociation, though each new incision forcibly grounds me in the moment. “I have to admit, I think I understand what you meant earlier. Holding this in my hands, it’s... incredible.” Jävlar. He is completely insufferable.
Harper seems almost as affected by the experience as I am. Our eyes meet as he watches me silently weeping, the look of wonder on Rosen’s face reflecting into horror on his own, and I think I detect an ember of… pity?... in his eyes. Rage surges inside of me. I will not be pitied. All of my sins are my own, committed wilfully, often gleefully, and I will apologise for none of them, nor do I regret a single action I have taken. I fix my gaze on the ceiling. They have not broken me yet.
Defiant fury keeps me going through the reconstruction. Can I feel it blazing in my chest, or is that just the incisions burning? It matters little. Rosen’s stitchwork is as sloppy as I had expected, though it is clear that he has at least read my treatise on methodologies and procedures and he is using my dissolving surgical thread. I should still heal well.
When my heart and lungs are started again, the pain of each hacking cough deals a shuddering blow to my resolve, and yet, I hold fast, refusing to let more tears fall. I don’t answer when Rosen again asks how I’m feeling. I do not wish to engage with him on the matter. My ribs, likewise, do not seem to want to re-engage with each other, and Rosen spends much longer than I usually would have wiring my sternum shut again. I do not cry during this either, though I do make a good deal of undignified sounds an untrained ear may have construed as sobs.
The final stitches that close off my abdominal cavity are a mild tickling in comparison to the deep ache that has set into my entire body along with a fatigue that settles into my bones. I am disassociated from events now; I can barely hear Rosen giving Harper the order to transfer me back from the operating table to the slightly softer gurney to recover, and can barely feel my clothes being changed again. The post-surgical vest feels good, actually. The compression dulls some of the pain, though there is still plenty more of that.
“I’m going to push some pain relief now, if that’s all right. I’d like to reduce the stress on your heart.” It is not really a question, but I nod assent. I am so tired. Without the pain, I will be able to rest. I groan audibly as the drugs fill my system. “Try to rest up, yeah, Rowan? I’ll want to talk when you’ve recovered, but I think you’ve had enough punishment for one day.” My eyes are closed and I refuse to acknowledge him.
The next time he speaks, it is from much further away, closer to the door. “Come, Harper! Leave them alone!” I sense Harper’s presence leave my side, and soon the both of them leave me alone in the room, with only the quiet beeping of the monitors and hiss of my nasal cannula. I can almost imagine that I am simply taking a brief nap in my laboratory during an extended experiment and that soon I shall get up to go for more coffee. It will be a long time before I am allowed coffee, I think.
This is the first time in quite a while I will be glad to go to sleep.
#whump#my writing#febuwhump#original content#gore#vivisection#surgical whump#lab whump#medical whump#defiant whumpee#tw misgendering#tw nausea#febuwhump day 19#you deserve this#coy writes#the doctor five card draw#coy whumps
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Journal - 2022 Fall Reflections - Game Design
Over the past semester, I’ve made a number of works - and even though I’m not happy with how I took care of myself this semester I can safely say that this semester of my college experience has been the most productive and creative yet. I have made works that I am incredibly proud of in close succession and have laid the foundation for multiple projects that I will be expanding on in the future! I kinda wanted to review my favorite/most exciting projects and detail why I loved them so much and where I want to take them next.
A project-by-project look under the read me, my animation work will be in a different post! :)
Personally I feel like most of my artistic work in the past few years have been stemming from a sense of grief and longing, which I feel like I’m finally starting to process both in therapy and in work (wow, working from your worst emotions unhealed actually hurts your creative process! Who knew.) Working from these emotions raw was a good way to get them out, but I can’t say that I wanted to revisit and complete the projects I made prior to this year because they were just that - catharsis, for me. So now I’m trying to build distance again. And while the work I’m creating is still deeply personal (anything you spend hours on is), I feel safe presenting it to others now.
I’ve also just been kinda… reconnecting with my heritage. I’m starting the process of properly learning Malayalam to help me solidify my ideas for my thesis film, and a few of the projects have just been me going through old family photos and trying to recreate the vibe of the memories I’m trying to capture (stiff and showy brown parties, photos and movies from 70s bombay, family dynamics that are exhausting and complicated but still important). I came out to myself as a lesbian this year and had the opportunity to properly explore my attraction and lesbian culture as myself, which was a long time coming. All the while I feel as through the world has suddenly become more and more reactionary, and I can’t help but emphasize the political dimension of myself and my art.
All that to say is, I think I’m figuring out why I’m making art. So with the boring background out of the way, let’s get into what I’ve actually been working on!
GAME DESIGN
I had the amazing fortune to take a narrative design course this semester under the guidance of the creator of Twine Chris Klimas (if you’re interested in game design and storytelling just download it! It’s free, open source, and pretty versatile for text-based projects). I’d been struggling with game design prior, I wasn’t connecting with how I was being taught and I severely lacked (and continue to lack) the technical skills to make the games I want to make. But this class reminded me why I loved games so much and did a lot to reestablish my confidence.
Brown Party
Brown Party is a simple twine game and the first game design project of the semester. This was still more catharsis than art to me, if I’m being honest. I think going in there were a lot of ideas floating around - my relationship with my lesbian/desi identity, my issues with brain drain/Indian immigrant community culture, classism, and the overdone anti-artist prejudice trope. This shows in the writing - the narrative structure is a bit of a mess and I was so ambitious in terms of scope. But I made a game!
I think, over the course of editing and revising this project that I actually stumbled upon some gems, stuff that I want to flesh out. I think it's a game that deserves to be bigger, that deserves more critical thought and cohesion put into it.
I want to genre bend this thing a ton- I kind of realized I was remembering this uncanny sense of space when I went to brown parties when I was younger. I may play with magical realism and whatever the fuck was going on in the RPG-maker horror game genre in the mid 2000s.
I also just want to hone in on the main characters, make them feel more like people and less like I’m ragging on the girls in my community. I have a lot of compassion for desi-american girls! I wish we as a community thought more about the world beyond our families but like. I grew up as that in that environment. It was grueling.
So yeah! I’m gonna be sharpening my unity skills and trying to see what sort of system would best serve this story…but its gonna be tabled for a while.
Ephemera/Your Mother Is Dead
Ahhhhh this game! I made this when I realized I desperately needed to be in therapy and it did me all the better. I had a pretty traumatic incident with my family and channelled all the fear and anxiety I was feeling at the time into this project.
This game, and I struggled a LOT with the technical aspects, ended up very different from my initial conception. The main narrative thread I was playing with was ‘packing up your mothers things after she died,’ and that vision stayed strong.
Game play wise, I was trying to build an inventory system in which you would stack things on top of other things and possibly break the things your mother had (the second person here refers to the player character! I feel like a lot of the aspects of this game were based in my heritage, upbringing specifically), revealing your own complex relationship with her. That didn’t work. I actually almost didn’t submit this because the system didn’t work. But the box packing wasn’t the important part, it was the relationship with your mother.
I think by channelling and solidifying my ideas in the writing, I was able to create a proper roadmap for where I want to take this. I will make the box stacking situation because I think it will help create closure, but I also wanted to incorporate dialogue with people, to have the gameplay be more about learning, knowing, and trying to understand how you feel about your parent.
I want to finish this game. I wanna rework the graphics so that it feels more homey and I want to create something I can properly cry my way through.
And I will. :)
The Visitor
This was a collaboration with my good friends @addersmire (who led the charge on coding and designing the game) and Moss (I’m not sure if he has a tumblr so. hi moss, they did the sound design). I built the dialogue system (using yarn, they did the bulk of the legwork), wrote the most of the dialogue, and created the intro animation!
It’s very different from the rest of my work this semester (probs because I was collaborating) and ended up being pretty fucking sick actually! I feel a lot more comfortable with Unity after this (especially bc addersmire is kind of a unity god? they have magical powers I think).
I’ll probs be incorporating yarn more into my work from now on since its such a good system (that needs more people to do forum answers for bc guys these hyper specific problems need answering)
The visitor is just an intro/prototype to a game we spent some time concepting. Not sure if it’ll ever be finished but it was a great experiment - you can play the intro on itch!
#journal#reflections#im proud of myself#but also im learning the value of caring for myself#so... gonna focus on that more!#game design
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Welcome to Recreancy, Sarah!
You have been accepted for the non-biography role of DILARA “LARA” YAXLEY with the faceclaim of Ayca Aysin Turan!
Dilara chooses to tiptoe the lines willingly, not wanting to give her family up by choice. In a perfect world, she would be free to support the Order and her family would still acknowledge her. But she has seen it too many times. As soon as she openly pledges her allegiance, her entire world will be ripped from her. She’s consumed by grief for an event yet to unfold.
Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours!
OUT OF CHARACTER:
NAME & PRONOUNS: sarah & she/her
AGE: 24
TIMEZONE: EST
ACTIVITY LEVEL: I am an elementary teacher on summer break, so I will most likely be on the dash every other day. I won’t have an issue with meeting the activity requirement. Even if there is a day I cannot get on the dash, I always am chatting with members. I do anticipate a bit of a slow down when school starts back again in a few months. I am very open with communication and will alert both admins and members of the group I have threads going with if there are any disruptions to my activity.
ANYTHING ELSE: I have only recently returned to the rpg world and am still getting the hang of things in terms of current formatting, accessing resources, etc. Any help/guidance would be appreciated if you see me doing something ‘out of norm’!
CHARACTER DETAILS:
NAME: Dilara ‘Lara’ Olympe Yaxley
AGE: Twenty-nine
GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: female cisgender, she/her, heterosexual. Dilara grew up in a home that defined the majority of these things for her due to their traditional views. During her travels she discovered the broad spectrum of gender and sexuality and openly supports/accepts it as well.
BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood
HOUSE ALUMNI: Ravenclaw
ANY CHANGES: N/A
CHARACTER BACKGROUND:
PERSONALITY:
Lara is stubborn to a fault, when she makes a decision it is unsettlingly difficult to get her to change her mind. It all has stemmed from nearly every life choice being determined for her at a young age. What she was to study, what extracurriculars she could participate in, whom she could be friends with, and what was expected of her after graduation. It was when she broke free of those decisions that her stubbornness reared its ugly head. She refused to let anyone make any choice for her ever again. She does best in a sole capacity and has worked like that for a large majority of her career, making her somewhat of a loner. Dilara is starting to learn about being a team player, especially with her new affiliation with the Order. However, she is nowhere near ready to let anyone give her orders. She often needs a lot of convincing if she does not feel like the strategy is the right move.
Putting the negatives aside, she is fiercely protective of the people she cares about. Think, stepping in front of a pointed wand protective. Despite being new to the Order, she has not hesitated protecting the others from harm’s way. Naturally as a Ravenclaw, she’s incredibly intelligent. If she doesn’t know the answer to something, she finds it, making her resourceful. She utilizes her skills from her profession, as well as knowledge of the Dark Lord’s cause only known to her through her brother and father. She is careful in the information she gives to the Order, fully aware that some things could be tracked directly back to her. Therefore, there are several things she does not divulge to the group making her secretive.
But Dilara has seem some horrible things over the years and is guarded. Her walls are the only safety measure she has when dealing with personal conflicts. Not even her sharp combative skills can save her from matters of the heart. She longs to be loved and to love someone, not knowing that kind of affection since just before her last travel assignment. She doesn’t speak of it, but the memories haunt her. Wanting something you can’t have is always a dangerous game.
BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:
Dilara comes from a pureblood family. Her mother Deniz Yaxley, a pureblood Turkish witch, immigrating to England when she met the Yaxley patriarch at a young age. The witch was rumored to be ¼ Veela, rumors that still circulate about her to this day. Roland Yaxley and Deniz had similar viewpoints on blood purity and instilled them into their children at a young age. There are two Yaxley children, Dilara and her younger brother Emir who is closer in age to the marauders. The Yaxleys believed in aligning themselves to the Dark Lord’s cause, their house often used as a refuge following battles. Her father and brother proved time and time again throughout the war that their loyalty was unwavering. Her own mother taking the lead on healing those injured in various schemes. Until she began her career, Dilara followed her familial beliefs blindy. She was unkind, cruel even during her years at Hogwarts to those considered less than she. When she began to travel for work and was exposed to all the world had to offer is when she discovered just how wrong her family’s ideals were. She adores her brother and parents dearly, but as of late, it sickens her to think of their involvement in the war.
Much of her childhood was happy. She has fond memories of visiting Turkey with her family and growing up in the family estate located seaside. The home hosting gatherings and balls each year, one of Dilara’s favorite pastimes as a teenager. The Yaxley family had always been high status, her father a successful curse-breaker with generational wealth that could only come from the most elite pureblood lines.
Dilara is a traitor, unknown to her own family the aid she provides to the Order. Because of this, she keeps them at an arm's length. Their communication is limited to letters, the witch claiming that her work leaves her hardly any time to visit the countryside estate. In truth, she’s ashamed of the Yaxley name nowadays. She also limits contact with them because she knows that it is a matter of time before she will be forced to pick a side. Dilara chooses to tiptoe the lines willingly, not wanting to give her family up by choice. In a perfect world, she would be free to support the Order and her family would still acknowledge her. But she has seen it too many times. As soon as she openly pledges her allegiance, her entire world will be ripped from her. She’s consumed by grief for an event yet to unfold.
OCCUPATION:
(torture tw)
Cursebreaker: Growing up, Dilara idolized her father. He was incredibly successful in the profession and his stories of recovering gold for Gringotts made her heart flutter. It’s ironic now, as she wants nothing more than to be his complete opposite. She hears it frequently when she stops by the office in the Gringotts how her superiors are so reminded of him in her. His determination and ability to compartmentalize emotions identical to her own. If they had only known the man’s allegiance and the sins he committed…perhaps they would recant that opinion.
The brunette began working as a cursebreaker immediately upon graduating from Hogwarts. It took several years of training for her to achieve the status she has now, but she has gotten to the point where she exclusively works in the Middle East on contract with the bank. She’s given an assignment and it is up to her how she produces the final product. Lara has seen and been through a lot in her travel assignments, no stranger to the foriegn infirmaries. While she was above average in the profession she still faced many dangers. Her return to England brought on by a run-in with a rogue dark wizard in Egypt. Never one to turn away from a fight, Dilara battled the other deep in the tomb of a forgotten pharaoh. It was there that the unthinkable happened. In the blink of an eye, the woman was on the ground writhing in pain. She’d heard the curse escape the man’s lips but wasn’t quick enough. He had tortured her till she was rendered unconscious and found by the local magical authorities two days later. It is not something known to anyone as the witch was embarrassed and quite traumatized by the event. Only recently being cleared to return to work, she is stationed at the bank and aids in researching future assignments for her colleagues.
LIVING SITUATION:
Due to Dilara’s travel work, she has only recently returned to England full time. She recently rented out a flat by herself near Diagon Alley. At her level, her profession pays decently. She does desire to purchase a home in the near future in the country. The apartment is simple, with many of her treasures from abroad proudly displayed on various bookshelves and end tables. The witch had always enjoyed history, connecting moreso with her mother’s Turkish background than anything on the Yaxley family tree.
ORDER OF THE PHOENIX:
At this point, Lara is still working on being accepted into the group. Hesitant at first, she knows it is the right thing to do. The witch aids in tracking various dark wixen of interest to the Order, as well as offering combative techniques and training. She has yet to be out actively in the field, which is probably a good thing due to her last encounter while on assignment. When asked about her family she simply pushes the subject off, stating that their communication is limited and she hasn’t a clue their involvement in the war at this point. Dilara hates lying to the others but knows that if she has any shot of gaining their trust she needs to keep herself far removed from her familial situation.
While she had brief introductions to those in the Dark Lord’s circle, its the Order that she finds herself most accepting of the idea that she could be apart of a team. She sits back and observes the dynamic between each member, carefully noting to herself each person’s capabilities. Above all else, Dilara is resourceful and will use the strengths of these individuals to keep her safe if necessary. She refuses to be subjected to feeling weak like that night in the tomb ever again.
RELATIONSHIPS:
(I hope it’s ok I included these, I did leave them kinda vague as I want to explore ideas with the members. If you’d like more, please let me know!)
Theodosia Selwyn: A fellow cursebreaker, she knows that Theo is aware to some extent that something is amiss with Dilara. She hadn’t spent more than ten consecutive days in the country and now she’s back full time? It raises questions that the witch wishes not to answer. And to top it all off, Selwyn's affiliation with the Order makes her that much harder to avoid. In her own time perhaps she will divulge the real reason for her return, but until she makes that decision her lips are sealed. Each time the other presses her for an answer, she simply assures the fellow curse-breaker that that information is ‘out of her pay grade’.
Alastor Moody: Since her return, Dilara has been tasked with more work that leads her into the auror’s office. Typically she is there to tie up loose ends for her superiors or to follow up on the many dark wixen her colleagues come in contact with. But he is the one that is the first to mention the Order to her. And she supposes it's him she is to thank for this new family, no matter how wary some are of the surname she carries. While she still has to prove herself to several members of the group, it is with him that she feels the most level with.
Andromeda Tonks: If there was one person in this world that could understand the turmoil Dilara was facing, it was Andromeda. She’d know the risks and had taken them fleetingly. Graduating from Hogwarts the same year, they were familiar. And knowing that she was a member of the Order has only pushed the other witch to pursue a friendship with the former Black. Andromeda had everything Dilara dreamed of: a partner who had adored her, a safe home, even a child. She needed someone else to make sense of it all and assure her that it would all be worth it in the end. It had to.
OOC EXPLORATION:
SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: At this point, I am open to anything as long as there's chemistry! The more angst the better!!
INTERPERSONAL STRUGGLES:
Dilara’s primary interpersonal struggle is between the desire to stand up for what is right or seek out safety in her family/surname. At this point in life, she’s secure due to her brother’s high standing as a death eater. But it is getting more difficult for her to openly pick a side. She knows what happens to those who pledge allegiance to the wrong side. An additional struggle I would really like to see play out is Dilara’s struggle with control. She is terrified by the idea of losing control over her own decisions and struggles to willingly give that up. Since the attack in the tomb in Egypt especially, she’s paranoid over this. How will this effect her work with the Order? I am looking forward to finding out!
WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO?
I think what initially drew me to this group is the divergence from canon. I have always loved the idea of exploring the marauders in war and the darker side of what these characters had to endure. I am looking forward to exploring battles, as well as the effects of some of those darker themes (death, injury, etc.). I cannot wait to read more information on the characters in game and bring Dilara into the Order! I also am excited to explore more of her dark side and what the war, as well as her career, has turned her into. She is no longer this pureblooded spoiled princess, but a hardworking woman in turmoil. I am eager to see that play out on the dash and her complex personality come to light!
PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL):
For Dilara personally, I would love to see her allegiance be outed to her family/the Dark Lord, perhaps by one of the spies. What will her punishment be? Will she face a similar threat as others have? Relay information as a spy or watch your family die? I think this could be very interesting considering her potential ties to the unknown spies in the group. Will her friendship/other background with them potentially save her from that fate? So many opportunities for Lara and other players!
ANYTHING ELSE? Here is the very messy pinterest for my babe!
EXTRA FOR NON-BIO CHARACTERS:
HISTORY:
To the untrained eye, Dilara was a gentle pureblood woman of high status. The witch spent the majority of her younger years doing everything expected of her. Attending balls, obtaining only perfect grades, and associating with those of only the purest blood. When the war reared its ugly head, it was perfectly clear which side her family resided on. Their unwavering faith in the Dark Lord never once questioned. Both her father and brother serving the wizard, leaving Dilara to forge her own path. The war frightened her and after she graduated from Hogwarts, she accepted a position with Gringotts as a curse-breaker.
In a matter of years, the witch had worked herself up to senior curse breaker status. It came with perfect timing, as the pressures of the wizarding war weighed heavily on the Yaxley family. Her father had worked his way into the Dark Lord’s esteemed graces. It was only a matter of time before Dilara would be asked to use her high level of clearance within Gringotts for his cause. And while she adored her family and would do anything to keep them safe, gambling on the life she had built for herself was not a risk she was willing to take. The brunette was the first to volunteer for an overseas assignment, rendering her useless to the cause for the unforeseen future.
With a Turkish pureblood mother, she had ties to family in the Middle East that allowed her to extend her travels for a period of time. She worked for several years on assignment in a particular classified area within Egypt. It was during this time that she was first introduced to an Unforgiveable Curse. While exploring within the tomb of a long-forgotten pharaoh, she ran into a dark wizard also on the hunt for priceless treasures. The woman was calculating to a fault, and undoubtedly quick with a wand. But perhaps it had been the heat that day, or the mental strain from breaking curses at the entrance of the grave, she wasn’t quick enough. For the first time she felt the pain of the torture curse course through even nerve-ending in her body. It made her immobile, weak, eventually unconscious all together. It was that curse that sent her back home to St. Mungo’s for treatment and nearly ended her career in the field. The time spent working as a curse-breaker had hardened her, yet at the same time it opened her eyes to much more.
To the Yaxley family, the war was justified and Lara believed in that cause for the first two decades of her life. Yet, when she began her career and travels she started to understand that there was much more to the horrible story her father and brother painted for her. These were people at the end of the day. People that her family, and many others in the Sacred 28, didn’t care to see live or die. It’s not like they asked to be gifted with their magic afterall. And it was that idea that led Dilara’s entire thought process on the matter to shift. Having seen just how good muggleborn wixen could be, it shattered every shared familial ideal she had claimed as her own.
It was no secret that the curse-breaker had returned to London only weeks prior. She’d made limited contact with her family, making it known that she had no clue where her work would take her next. In reality she had been essentially reassigned to desk duty for the unforeseen future. Did she feel bad about hiding the truth? Absolutely. But the fear of being summoned by her family’s cause assured her this was the right thing. She was angry. Angry for what happened to her in Egypt and angry that the world she had grown up in could be so cruel and unforgiving. And she wanted so badly to change that.
Dilara has only recently been introduced to the Order. She has been proving herself to the group, providing assistance in the area of tracking and offensive spells. While there are some members that choose to keep her at an arm’s length, those who know her and her heart trust the witch blindly.
FC CHOICES: Ayca Aysin Turan, Pinar Deniz, Hazal Filiz Küçükköse
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[Review] Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl (PS5)
A strong—if barebones—platform fighter.
After Ludosity’s excellent and irreverent Smash-like platform fighter Slap City, Nickelodeon apparently asked them to make another using their cartoon properties. This would be a revamp of sorts for Nick’s long-running Super Brawl series of shallow browser- and phone-based fighters. Bringing on Costa Rican studio Fair Play Labs as co-developer, Ludosity turned out a solid contender in gameplay and polish, if not in features.
Like fellow Smash clone Brawlout, their focus seemed to be on honing the fundamentals rather than adding bells and whistles, but as a primarily solo player the perceived step down from Slap City’s robust story mode was a disappointment to me. I love this genre, but I need something to do that will encourage me to keep playing. The only option is Arcade mode, a straightforward series of randomly selected 1v1 fights at five difficulty levels. Completing this with a specific character unlocks some gallery images and a jukebox track, and that's about it. At least there are a decent selection of settings to customise matches, as well as the return of Slap City's ball-based mode for some variety.
The game was even more barebones at release, but postlaunch free updates added some big features like items (sadly, items do not spawn in Arcade mode) and full voiceover for all characters (many of which are the original VAs reprising their roles). Two extra characters were also added, as well as three DLC characters, all with accompanying stages. Not a bad record of support, although improving the single player experience was evidently a development opportunity for the sequel which I plan to play soon.
As a licenced game, NASB does a great job portraying its characters and locations. Compared to Slap City there's more detail to the art and animation and everyone looks great, which is an achievement when converting traditionally animated 2D designs into 3D (this can't be overstated, the game looks fantastic). The good-sized roster serves me well as a 90s kid with lots of classic Nicktoons along with other properties that Viacom has acquired (Garfield, TMNT), and even the few characters I don't really like or don't recognise have fun movesets. [Aside] I'm sorry but you could not pay me to be invested in the ninja turtles...! So I'm glad there's only two of them, avoiding the bloat that other Nick ensembles games suffer from by shoving all four of them in. Rant over.
The main reason I’m playing this now is as part of my current Avatar fixation, so having Toph in was a really cool choice alongside Aang and Korra, and their stages (the multi-level Western Air Temple, Omashu with its interesting layout and hazards, and Harmonic Convergence aka Final Destination) look amazing and have fun animated background details. Korra was my favourite, a straightforward heavy hitter with high-mobility specials.
Which reminds me, I should talk about the gameplay. Like Slap City and Brawlout it’s streamlined a bit compared to Smash, but the way they’ve done it works well. The main difference is the removal of smash inputs and separate side attacks, with two distinct buttons for fast and strong attacks (both with aerial variants) in addition to specials. But they’ve kept guarding, grabs, and air dodging so it doesn’t feel too compromised. There seems to be a lot of depth with wavedashing and strafing and a paper-scissors-rock directional priority system if you want to get into it, but I think it still remains accessible. Maybe I can’t really judge that. What I will say is the basics are incredibly solid and polished, and I enjoyed playing around with different movesets. As always, it's fun to spot individual moves that are direct Smash lifts/homages as well as discovering the nuances of the new ideas.
Ludosity was a great choice to make a licenced game that's not crap, and Fair Play Labs appear to have ably assisted as well. They nailed the fundamentals of platform fighter gameplay as well as the authenticity and flat-out fun of seeing these characters in action (especially with the VO added in), making for a pleasing celebration of Nickelodeon's past. It's just such a shame that the game isn't more fully featured, which I assume was simply a time/budget reality. I guess that's what the sequel is for... I'll find out soon!
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Biweekly Media Roundup
- Trigun (Anime) - Still obsessing over Trigun and Knives specifically. Can’t believe how much I like this patronizing genocidal asshole. That’s good characterization baby.
- Lackadaisy (Webseries) - I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, just that it was a very well made and pretty intro to what I remember being a pretty compelling web series. The designs of the cats and how much personality each exudes is incredible.
- The Super Mario Bros Movie (Movie) - The reviews of this seem pretty mixed, but personally I liked it quite a bit. No, it’s not some mind blowing cinematic masterpiece, but for what it is, a kid friendly movie introducing the basic Mario story, it’s honestly much better than I was expecting-especially considering Illuminations previous output. You can tell it’s made by people who love the series, not only with the level of references but also in just the details of how the characters move or how the backgrounds and world are rendered. It’s quite pretty, with the character models looking adorable and the backgrounds full of color. Bowser was a standout of course, both in Jack Blacks vocal performance and the way they incorporated his mannerisms into the character model. I loved the brothers relationship and how affectionate they were with each other. It also had a few pretty solid jokes. I do wish it had been longer, as the scenes went by too fast for any emotional moment to take root, but again if you think of it as a set up of what’s bound to be a franchise of Galaxy, Luigi’s Mansion, or Odessy sequels, then it’s a pretty good “first episode” so to speak.
- Bocchi the Rock (Anime) - My first venture into binging all the yuri-esque shows I missed from last year, Bocchi was indeed pretty solid. They made the protagonist uncomfortably relatable in her brand of social awkwardness which made for some emotional moments as well as big oof jokes. The cut away gags experimenting with different animation were fun, I did quite like the music and performances, and the character dynamics were pretty good, I’ll watch a 2nd season if it gets one. I’m not sure I’d go as far as calling it anime of the year, the ending didn’t really leave off like a complete story and plot wise it didn’t really have much going on, but as a nice slice of life comedy it’s definitely worth the watch. As a character Bocchi is great, but hopefully a s2 will explore a bit more of the other band members, who weren’t generic characters by any means but didn’t really get much screentime.
- Dr, Stone (Anime) - Hey we are back! New guy seems fun, I still adore Senku as a protagonist, and I’m interested to see how they plan to balance so many characters moving forward. Hope we see more flashbacks of the fantastic dad/son relationship, it’s honestly one of my favorites from any media I’ve seen.
- Buddy Daddies (Anime) - While the ending surprised me in it’s conclusively (I did not expect a future epilogue to be canonized) overall I’d say it was a good decision. I’d say this was a solid C+, B-, it was good at being the cute little parenting comedy it wanted to be with some fun moments and solid animation but wasn’t particularly memorable in terms of plot or characters-like, I like all the leads, but I don’t see them topping any end of the year favorite lists. I will say that I’m surprised at how platonic they kept the fathers, I hadn’t expected them to get together but I did expect a lot more ship bait than we got. They work fine as a ship but the series really did focus a lot more on the child rearing aspects which came as a surprise considering how often marketing wants to tease mlm relationships for profit. I guess I appreciate it as I prefer giving visibility to more platonic relationships and unusual family structures to queerbaiting with no delivery but also there’s so few genuinely good mlm anime that it would’ve been nice for them to just have them be a couple. I did have a fun time with this, I’d recommend it if you are into the raising children genre.
- Campfire Cooking in Another World (Anime) - Follow some people who had suggested this as a fun, relaxing little cooking anime and yeah, that checks out so far. Just a very cute and wholesome little feel good series about a man feeding his giant God level talking dog and baby slime child-As a domestic monster appreciator this is checking my boxes pretty well.
- The Locked Tomb Series (Books) - Almost done with Gideon the Ninth, once again I’m really enjoying these characters and their dynamics, as well as the general space necromancy mystery plotline. I’m listening to the audiobook at the moment, but I’ll likely buy the physical copies as there are a lot of excellent quotes in here that I would like easier access to revisit. Anyway, Gideon and Harrow are the toxic co-dependent love hate lesbian ship I’ve needed in my life since my catradora hyperfixation.
- Resident Evil 4 (Video Game) - Played till around chapter 6 so far with my friends and honestly, it’s really good. They keep all the fun stuff from the original but make it high res, I love seeing Leon and Ada and Luis and the Merchant again. It’s hard to get everyone together to play but I’m excited about getting to experience it again, got some great childhood memories of hanging with the girls and laughing at all the strange zombie noises they chose to include.
As usual I’m also keeping up with The Greatest Estate Developer, Land of the Lustrous, The Vampire Dies In No Time, and The S Classes that I raised.
Listening to: Nothing is Going Right by Meiyo, Eat Your Young by Hozier, Achilles Come Down cover by Annapantsu, Stalker’s Tango by Autoheart, Ship in a Bottle by fin, I Hate Everything But You and I’ve Always Never Believed in You from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, They’re Only Human from the Death Note Musical, Counting Bodies Like Sheep by A Perfect Circle, Kickback by Kenshi Yonezu, My Kind by Hilary Duff, Hallelujah cover by Pentatonix
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The Babysitting Game
They say it takes a village to raise a child.
Well, Grian doesn't have a child but he does have an egg and a village. That’s basically the same thing, right?
Grian acquires an egg. His friends help him.
No romantic relationships or content warnings. Mainly fluff! Hermits: Grian, Mumbo, Pearl, and Scar. My first publish fanfic since 2016 and my first hermitcraft fanfic :D ao3 link and some inspirations to be linked in a reblog
Words: 2862
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"What if I touched it really quick?" Scar asked.
"No, don’t-don’t touch the egg," Grian said seriously. "Look, I even made a sign! It specifically says ‘Do not touch.’" He gestured to the sign in question, but Scar ignored him.
"Can I rub it?" he said. The man leaned over it, studying the object carefully. Grian hadn’t known where to place the egg when he got it, and it was just sitting on an anvil for the time being. He didn’t even have a starter house yet, but clearly he was going to need something soon if he was going to protect the egg from some of the more . . . mischievous residents of their Boatem village.
“No, don’t touch the egg! Scar-” Grian walked closer, hands outstretched, just in time to see Scar reach out with his hand and pat the egg.
Vworp!
The egg disappeared into thin air.
Dragon eggs had a tendency to do that. It was a survival tactic--Grian didn't really know how it worked, but just as endermen could teleport away from danger, so could the egg if it were touched. Now whether or not Scar was dangerous remained up for debate…
Scar giggled. "Oh, where did you go?" he sang, hunting around the area.
Well, he COULD be pretty scary sometimes.
"Scarrrr," Grian whined, helping him look. "I told you not to touch it!"
"It's over here!" Scar shouted, finding the egg at the bottom of a small slope nearby. "Just one more time…." He reached out again.
"No!" Grian said, slapping his hand away. "Look, you've got to pick it up the right way." He demonstrated, carefully lifting the egg and placing it in a pouch slung over his back. He had hurriedly stitched it together not too long ago, worried that transporting the egg normally might break it. “If you do it roughly, you’ll scare it and it’ll teleport away again.”
"I see!" said Scar.
"Now, please, don't touch the egg.”
"Oh," Scar said. He straightened. "You're really serious about this."
Grian glared. "I am."
"I'm sorry, I just thought it was funny!"
Grian sighed. "It's okay, Scar. It's just--this thing is a baby, it needs to be handled gently! You can't just go around scaring it! What if it falls into a hole or something?" he hissed.
"Oh my god," Scar laughed, "you're its mother now!"
"No, no, I'm not!"
"You are!" Scar cried. He suddenly stopped. "Oh no, didn't you kill its mother?"
"Well it doesn't know that!" Grian snapped. "Truthfully I didn't realize there would be an egg! And I couldn't just leave it, you know! Here, look at this." Grian gently withdrew the egg from its pack, and Scar moved closer. He held it up to the sun. "Look at that."
The sun shined dark red through the deep purple shell of the egg, making it glow within. In the middle, the silhouette of a curled up creature was illuminated. Blood vessels radiated outward, and at the bottom there was a blank space that Grian assumed was air. The egg’s shell was too thick for any detail to be made out, but the processes happening within were clear. Grian was enchanted with it.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?”
"Wow," Scar breathed. "There's actually a dragon in there! What're you gonna do with it after it hatches?"
"Well, I haven't exactly thought that far--I just want to worry about keeping it safe first. I mean, what do you even do with this thing?" Grian put the egg back in its satchel, and rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I suppose you keep it warm and safe but, like, I don't know what else-"
"I could help!" Scar said.
"You were just playing with it!"
"Hey," Scar said defensively, "that was before I knew more about it!"
Grian rolled his eyes.
“What are you guys doing over here?” said Mumbo, wandering over. Grian just knew he’d been up to something, and sure enough, there was a new tree next to his little collection of chests. Grian wasn’t very bothered by it, because he already had a plan to get Mumbo back for it.
“Grian is just showing me his new baby!” Scar teased. “He’s a mom now.”
“I am NOT its mother,” replied Grian tiredly, but he smiled at the sight of the other man.
“A baby?” Mumbo asked, choosing to ignore the rest of Scar’s statement.
“A dragon egg,” Grian answered. “I found it in the End.” He paused for a moment, feeling almost bad. “After I killed the dragon.”
“Grian! You’ve orphaned it!” Mumbo sounded scandalized.
“Why do you all keep bringing that up!?” he defended, glancing between Mumbo and Scar, who both gave him disapproving, albeit playful, looks. “I know you’re Mr. Peace, Love and Plants this time, but we’ve always killed the dragon in every new world!”
“Well, I guess that’s true, but it is a little sad isn’t it? You’re taking care of it but only because you killed its mum.”
“Yeah,” was all Grian said. The dragon always needed to be taken care of in each new world they visited, and while it was always a bit of a shame, he’d never really contemplated it that much. After all, he normally wasn’t the one who fought it--that last time in Evo aside. He didn’t really know what he had gotten into but he felt deeply like he needed to protect this egg. It was like a tug in his chest, drawing him into the egg and telling him not to let go.
“Show him the egg!” Scar said.
“You just want to see it again,” Grian replied, but pulled the egg out of the satchel again anyway for Mumbo to see. The surface of the egg wasn’t smooth, like a chicken’s egg, but bumpy. The purple spots almost seemed to glow, and occasionally little violet particles drifted off of it. Grian felt like he could stare at it in awe all day, and apparently his friends felt the same.
“How’re you going to keep it warm?” asked Mumbo after a moment of admiring it. “That satchel isn’t going to be enough, and to be frank, I don’t see you spending any time sitting on it, even if the mental image is pretty funny.”
Grian rolled his eyes at the comment, but thought about it. How would he incubate it? He may have had wings, but he didn’t know anything about eggs, other than that it was a safe bet to assume it needed to be kept warm. “I'm not sure, actually.”
“Hey, let me design something for you!” Mumbo said excitedly. “I could probably use some redstone and make an incubator of some sort for you.”
Grian smiled. “I’d really appreciate that.”
Asking Mumbo to create a contraption for him--what could go wrong?
•·················•·················•
“I’m not wearing this thing, you know.” Grian said, holding the contraption while Mumbo wheezed with laughter in the background. The design that Mumbo had come up with was essentially a backpack with heating elements strung through it, except for one thing . . .
“You-you wear it in the front,” Mumbo choked out, wiping a tear from his eyes.
“Yes, I see that,” Grian replied, unamused.
“Like a swaddle!”
“Yes, I see that.”
Mumbo laughed harder. Grian had to begrudgingly admit that it was well designed, however. It would fit the egg perfectly, keep it warm, and most important it was mobile to ensure that he could take the egg with him. It was thoughtful, especially since Mumbo knew Grian was quite protective of it.
“I’m not wearing this thing,” Grian repeated. “I’m not going to let you all laugh at me while I walk around the server with an egg swaddled to me!”
“I thought you’d say that,” Mumbo chuckled. “Here, you can switch the straps around and turn it into a backpack.” He unclipped the straps and moved them into the new configuration.
“Thank you, Mumbo,” he said gratefully. “This will certainly do the trick.”
“Glad to hear it mate,” Mumbo replied. “Now, while you’re here, may I ask why there is an incredibly tall tree on top of my camper?”
“Sorry, got to go!” blurted Grian, snatching the backpack from Mumbo’s arms and flying off in a burst of feathers.
“That’s unfair, I don’t even have an elytra yet to go chase him down with,” muttered the man as he watched Grian disappear.
•·················•·················•
Grian sat in the grass in front of his starter home and rubbed his eyes wearily. He was exhausted. Is this how all parents feel? he wondered. Was he just uniquely unqualified to be one? After all, this was only an egg! It hadn’t even hatched yet and he was already tired of keeping up with it.
Carrying it in the backpack was heavy, and Grian tired out quickly. It was hot on his back, and Grian found himself having to take breaks to avoid overheating. It was also cumbersome, and he found it difficult to build with as it shifted his weight. He almost fell off the roof once while building it! Of course, having wings meant that Grian could catch himself easily, but it had still given him quite the scare. Dragon eggs were pretty sturdy, and would teleport themselves out of danger if possible, but he was still so paranoid about breaking it. And now there was the Boatem Hole to worry about--what if it teleported itself into the void? These things kept Grian awake at night.
But if he left it...well, just like Grian had a tendency to lose items in his chest monsters, he also had a tendency to forget where he placed things. He had been forced to go back and rescue the egg from some place he’d left it more than once, which he wasn’t exactly proud of. What sort of parent forgot their child?
. . . He was definitely not admitting to being its parent.
Oh God, what did I get myself into?
“Hey Grian, what’re you up to?” came a voice, interrupting his thoughts. He looked up and saw Pearl standing over him. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail and her hands were in her hoodie pockets. She took a seat on the ground next to him, and followed his gaze overlooking the Boatem village. “What’s on your mind?”
“This--this egg,” said Grian. It sat next to him in its backpack, still radiating heat. “I don’t know what to do with it. I’m just so tired of carrying it around!”
“I have to admit,” Pearl said, “I didn’t expect you to immediately adopt a baby dragon the very next time I saw you.”
“Yeah, well, it was an accident.” Grian groaned. “I don’t know what to do with it now, let alone when it hatches!”
Pearl thought for a moment. “You know, the rest of us are all here for you. The other hermits would be happy to help out, I’m sure.”
The other hermits . . . well of course they would. If it was one thing they were all good at, it was supporting each other. Scar had already taken a particular interest in the egg, although Grian was still a little suspicious of him scaring it again. Mumbo had specially designed an incubator for it. Pearl was visiting him to check up on him and offer help.
All Grian had to do was convince himself to let it go. To let them help.
“I know that but . . .”
“But what? Have you had any reason to believe they wouldn’t?” Pearl asked.
“Well, no.” He thought for a while. He thought of how his friends would lend materials when needed, or how they’d help replace someone’s armor and items if they were lost. He thought about the days where they all teamed up and chose one hermit to help out, and he thought about all the things they did for the good of the entire community without even being asked.
His desire to protect the egg was strong, and putting it into the hands of another person almost felt like simultaneously a betrayal of the egg itself and the biggest leap of faith he could take. But the hermits were good at leaps of faith, because someone was always there to catch you.
“You think it’d be okay?”
“I know it’ll be okay,” Pearl replied. “I haven’t been here very long but from what I’ve seen, I know they’d all help. They wouldn’t hurt it. They might be a little mischievous sometimes,” she said, glancing at Scar’s house, “but they know how important it is and would be happy to help. They helped you before, didn’t they?”
Pearl was right, of course. Nobody on the server had any desire to hurt the egg. He trusted that. If there was anyone that he could trust, it was them.
But how would he get them all to essentially sign up for babysitting?
An idea struck him, and Grian scrambled to his feet. “Pearl, you’re brilliant. Thank you!”
She blinked, a little startled. “Always happy to help.”
•·················•·················•
Grian stood back, admiring his work. A near perfect duplicate of the egg that was currently sitting in the backpack slung around his shoulder, but at a much larger scale. It was built out of obsidian blocks and crying obsidian for the spots, and if Grian was pretty proud of how it looked.
If Grian knew anything, it was that his friends loved minigames. And Grian was not above gently exploiting that fact to get a little help--just like barge game from the last world, where he managed to get his friends to help mine out the stone from next to his mansion. Just slap the title of “game” on something and you could get a hermit to sign up for anything.
“Now . . . I just have to write the signs on the inside.”
The game Grian had come up with was officially called Tegg--he needed to stay on brand with his tag games in every world--but he’d mentally been calling it “The Babysitting Game” for a while now. Because that’s what it really was--each hermit who signed up would also sign up to watch the egg and keep it safe. He set to work outlining the rules.
RULE ONE: Protect the egg and keep it safe.
RULE TWO: Keep the egg incubated or it’ll die.
RULE THREE: Keep a close eye on the egg.
RULE FOUR: Call Grian if it starts to hatch.
Satisfied, he wrote out the rest of the instructions. Because it was a game, he wanted to make it fun for the hermits too, so he’d decided to make it like a scavenger hunt. People were allowed to take the egg, provided they adhered to the rules, and were encouraged to hide it and keep it safe. Otherwise, someone else who wanted to have it could get it. The safer the egg was, the less likely for someone else to find it. The winner was whoever had the egg the longest when it finally hatched. Grian didn’t know how long that would take, but he didn’t want to miss it either, hence rule four.
Yep, totally outsourcing his babysitting onto his friends.
Grian squinted at his wall of signs, before placing one final sign at the bottom: Grian will track the game and has final say on points and rules!
“That should do it,” he mumbled. He still wanted to keep an eye on the egg, to make sure that he knew who had it and how many people’s hands it had gone through. After all, he was the one ultimately responsible for it.
Grian pulled the egg out of the backpack and carefully placed it on the ground. He’d somehow made a habit of just speaking to it every now and then--he had no idea if the little dragon could hear anything in there, but he liked to think that it could. “Hey there,” he whispered, and stroked the top of the egg. “Some new people are going to start taking you pretty soon, but it’s okay. They’re going to give me some help and make sure you’re safe.”
He paused, taking in the little room he’d made and the wall of signs he’d written with meticulous instructions for the egg’s care. It may have been the first thing he’d built for this egg, but he had a feeling it wouldn’t be his last. A baby dragon was a commitment and for the first time Grian really let himself think about what that meant, beyond just an egg that he had to carry around. Would he house it? Train it? Let it stay by his side? Would he love it?
I think I already do, he thought.
He thought of the hermits--their mischievousness, their pranks, their hard work, their friendship, and their goodness at heart. They were his family, now. What was one more addition?
“It’s okay,” he whispered to the egg. “I trust them all with my life, but more importantly, I trust them with yours.”
#hermitcraft#hermitblr#grian#mumbo jumbo#goodtimeswithscar#pearlescentmoon#hermitcraft fanfic#quara fanfic
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hey is it ok if i ask for a bit of advice with writing ids? /gen. i've seen quite a few posts about people over-describing in their ids, and i have a feeling that i do that (i tend to overcomplicate everything i do skdsksjd). what kind of information is unnecessary in an id that i can try to cut out in future? thank you so much!
Hello! It’s totally okay to come to us with questions, we’re always happy to try and help!
To be completely honest this topic is something that a lot of us are still working on. The line between under and over-describing can be a bit hard to place, especially since it differs depending on the piece, and the person using the IDs. It’s impossible to make it perfect for everyone, but here are some tricks we’ve found helpful.
1) Ask yourself what the purpose of the piece is.
Art showing off a character design will have very different priorities than a comic or a meme. A drawing of a character just standing in a cool outfit suggests more in depth descriptions of their design whereas a long action filled comic should center the action or dialogue. Trying to describe characters and actions in the same part when a piece has multiple characters and/or significant action will often bog it down.
For example writing:
"X enters the room. They have blonde hair and pale freckled skin, and they wear a sweater vest over a white collared shirt and a pair of dangly cherry earrings. They are drawn from the waist up. They say to Y, 'What’s up?'"
doesn’t flow as well as writing:
“X enters the room and says to Y, 'What’s up?’”
Understanding the purpose of the piece often means being succinct for the sake of comedic timing, too. Putting the punchline of a comic in the middle of a paragraph of description makes it less impactful than saving it until the end, and breaking up dialogue with several sentences describing a background or outfit means people may lose the thread of the comic.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t describe the character design if you can find a way to significantly shorten the description or include it separately. We’ll go over one possible way of including them in the line breaks section.
2) When dealing with complex settings, backgrounds, or clusters of items, ask yourself what needs to be described individually, and what can be generalized.
Complex and/or cluttered surroundings can get incredibly wordy when describing each component as it’s own thing. If certain components are not individually important to the viewer’s understanding the piece, generalizing or sometimes even leaving them out can significantly cut down on words. For example, writing:
“A mahogany shelf sits above his head. On it sits a blue mug with a spoon sticking out, a ceramic container filled with utensils, and a set of salt and pepper shakers.”
is significantly wordier than writing:
“A shelf holding various utensils and kitchen items sits above his head.”
Sometimes you can bear to cut individual details entirely if they aren’t particularly relevant to understanding the image. For example, if describing a drawing of characters at the beach, and there’s a buoy in the ocean way out in the distance, you probably don’t need to describe it unless it plays an active role in the piece.
3) When describing the appearances of characters, keep in mind what features are important to understanding the artist’s depiction.
Certain aspects of a character’s appearance can say a lot about how the artist wants them to be interpreted. Things like body frame, hair and clothing style, and especially race can vary drastically by artist, and in result change how the character is understood.
Other things like eye color, nose shape, or specific body proportions often do not change the general understanding of the character, and can cause the character description to become bloated. They typically should not be included.
There are certainly exceptions to this however, for example, if a character has unnatural features like glowing eyes or a snout, it changes how the character is meant to be perceived and should be described.
4) Play around with line breaks.
Sometimes pieces are just too complex to avoid having a long description. In order to make sure all important details are included while also including action, consider breaking the description up into chunks. Putting the action first and then writing out the character designs allows the people who want to know what’s going on in the image but don’t particularly care about designs to skip to the next post after the first paragraph, while still providing the descriptions for the people who do.
5) Be aware of what your audience already knows.
When there’s a reasonable expectation that your audience might already know something, it’s okay to use some shorthand. This comes up often when describing memes.
For example, writing:
The Spiderman pointing at himself meme, where one Spiderman is labeled X and the other is labeled Y.
is much more succinct than writing:
A screencap of a cartoon. Two people in identical Spiderman costumes are standing in front of an NYPD vehicle, with one facing away from the viewer and one facing toward the viewer. They are both pointing at each other in identical poses. The Spiderman facing away from the viewer is labeled X in white text. The Spiderman facing toward the viewer is labeled Y in white text.
You’re writing for an audience of Tumblr users, so you can assume most Tumblr users are familiar with the meme. If they aren’t, you’ve given them enough information to look up more about it.
This is also something to consider when describing fanart. Most podcast characters by nature don’t have canonical appearances, so the choice of how to portray a character is often intentional on the part of the artist and something worth paying attention to when considering the purpose of a piece. This isn’t the case for all media, though, and re-describing characters with canonical appearances over and over again isn’t necessary unless those appearances differ significantly from the norm.
-
We hope this was able to help! If anyone sees this and would like to add anything, please feel free to do so, and as always, if you have any more questions, feel free to reach out.
~The Mods
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Moment In Time
Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader
Summary: Just when you've gotten out, you’re given a reason to come back.
Warnings: Mild Language
Chapter 5
* * * * * * *
“You and Fury seem to forget that I’m retired pretty easily.” You say, eyes focused on your surroundings instead of the man talking to you.
A nice breeze flows past, followed by another crowd of passersby. The street is busy as always at this time of day but you always appreciate the hustle and bustle of the city. Something about it appealed to you.
New York has always been busy, for as long as you can remember. Admittedly, with the lack of advanced technology in your time, people spent a lot more time talking to each other in passing than they now spend on their phones.
“No one’s forgotten, except maybe you,” Tony says and you turn to refocus your attention on him.“ Or did you forget that it was you who copped a ride with Fury to Sokovia.”
Of course you didn’t forget that. That mission had been more dangerous and life threatening than any one you’d previously been on.
The man hums and nods, a soft chuckle leaves his lips,“ unless of course you weren’t there for the team.”
“What?” Your eyebrows pinch together,“ what’re you talking about?”
“I’m talkin about you and Romanoff.” He leans forward, pushing his coffee cup away a little.“ Clint told me about that little moment you two had before the city fell. What’d you do? Spring to action when you realized Natasha was in danger?”
Your eyes roll but you avoid answering his question. Cause that is actually what you did. On top of being generally concerned with the safety of your friends, your main focus was Natasha. You’d never admit it, out loud, but you know that’s what happened. And you know why you did, even if you won’t admit it at all.
“Awe, don’t want me exposing your crush on Nat?” He further teases and your nose turns up at him.
“Think I liked you better when you were running around in pjs and building robots and stuff.” He makes an offended face and you smile sarcastically at it.“ If I agree to train the Maximoff kids will you not mention these supposed feelings for Natasha that you assume I have.”
For a moment he looks at you, then nods.“ You’ve got yourself a deal Y/ln. Also,” he pushes his chair back and stands up,“ you’re just training the girl. Rogers apparently has some special plan for Speedy.” Picking up his cup, he claps his hand on your shoulder with extra force, and walks away.
Just as you’re about to slouch into your seat to stay an extra few minutes he calls out for you to come with him and you resist the urge to groan. Sighing softly, you finish your tea and get up.
As you expected Tony takes you to the tower. His choice of music blasts through the sports car and you can’t help but chuckle. Since he was thirteen he’d been obsessed with classic rock. You have no idea what the first song he heard was but whatever it was it hooked him to the genre.
Through the loud music he explains everything you’ll have to go over with Wanda and mentions that he’s getting a facility together upstate that will become the new Avengers HQ, but that move is going to take some time so the tower is still “home” as of now. You nod along, knowing that if not for your enhanced abilities you wouldn’t be able to hear him correctly.
By the time Tony pulls into the private parking garage, whipping into his spot and turning the car off, you completely understand what role you’re about to play in terms of training Wanda.
“What? Eager to get to work?” He asks after you’ve practically sprinted out of the car.
“More like eager to get out before my ears start bleeding.” You tell him, glancing over your shoulder at him to stick your tongue out playfully. You don’t have to keep looking at him to know he rolled his eyes.
The familiarity of the building makes it easy to navigate. Pretty much leaving Tony in the dust, you walk through the lobby to the elevators. Taking them up to the training floor.
Your plan hadn’t been to see anyone just yet. Mainly coming here to form some sort of plan as far as training the Maximoff girl goes. Only for her to be the person you run into once having stepped into the training room.
She’s across the room, fingers running over the edges of a treadmill as her eyes look through the large floor to ceiling window. You imagine she’s taking in the sight the tower provides of New York.
“Beautiful isn’t it?” You ask, effectively grabbing the young woman’s attention. She turns her head to face you, eyebrows pinching together as she’s not familiar with you, only having seen you just before you hugged Natasha in Sokovia.
“It is.” She replies shortly and you chuckle at it, stepping further into the room.
Giving her a soft smile you introduce yourself,“ I’m Y/n,” you move over to the weight benches,“ Stark asked me to come in and help you adjust.”
Her eyes narrow and that draws your attention to the fact that her eyes are green.“ Are you an Avenger? Because I haven’t seen you around here.”
“I am not. I’m supposed to be retired but no one seems to give a damn so here I am.” Spreading your arms a little to emphasize your current location.
For whatever reason your words make her giggle and you smile at that, happy to have broken the ice at least a little.
“So how’re you going to help me adjust Y/n?” Her inquisitive gaze follows her moving closer to you.
“Not sure. What do you need help adjusting to?” Your head tilts and your eyebrow quirks.“ The training regiment? Your new chaotic teammates? Living in New York?”
“Is all of the above an option?” She asks, and although you know she’s serious you still hear the teasing in her tone.
With a quiet laugh you nod,“ all of the above is an option.” You let her know.“ Um, I’m not sure of all the details with the move upstate but how about I show you around the tower and we can go over the basics of your training and such?” You decide to pose it as a question in case she doesn’t want to.
“That would be nice actually.” She smiles and you notice that it’s truly genuine. So with a smile in return, you motion for her to follow you out of the room.
With her being on this floor, you assume she’s seen it all. Not that there’s much to see. It’s the training floor so there’s nothing but gyms and a locker room. Getting in the elevator, you press the number for one of the floors dedicated to just hanging out.
Not liking the silence of the elevators, Wanda breaks it with a question.“ So why didn’t you join the Avengers?”
“Um,” you take a deep breath and release it as a sigh,“ I’d already done the whole superhero thing before. The Avengers came in and I was no longer needed.”
“Oh really?” She asks and her tone of voice makes you chuckle, then nod.“ And what made you want to be a superhero?”
The elevator stops and the doors slide open.“ I saw what they could do. The difference superheroes make in people's lives.”
Picking up on the shift in your energy, Wanda frowns, ignoring the very expensive looking stuff in the room.“ What happened?” She asked carefully, as if she were trying not to trigger something.
“I-” you sigh softly, contemplating whether to actually tell her or not. Looking into her eyes you see past the general curiosity and what you find pushes you to tell her.
So you both get comfortable on one of the couches in the room and you open up to her.“ I was taken by HYDRA when I was fairly young. And it’s not like the guards and scientists were interested in anything other than making me the perfect weapon. So when they started to experiment on me I was already in a horrible state physically. My health was on a steady decline and none of their experiments worked, it actually made me fatally ill. And with no further use of me, they’d left me there to die.”
Wanda listens intently, eyes misting with tears at the information of your mistreatment.“ But you didn’t.”
“No I didn’t,” you both laugh softly at that.“ The, at the time soon to be, founders of SHIELD were working with the US military to shut down HYDRA after World War II and they found the facility I was being held in. While they saved everyone who was being held captive there, I was in the worst shape. Seeing that I was on the verge of death, they made a decision to administer the super soldier serum to me to save my life.”
Wanda’s eyebrows raise and you have to admit that her expression is amusing.“ You’re a super soldier from World War II?” You nod.“ How old would that make you?”
“I’m 90. And I wasn’t in the war. I was born before the war. When it started I was 16 and already in a HYDRA base.”
She looks down and bites her bottom lip. You know she has another question on the tip of her tongue. And with her background, having volunteered to be experimented on by HYDRA, you know she’ll have a lot more questions after that.
So with a deep breath, you ask what’s on her mind and tuck in for a long conversation.
* * *
After a long day at SHIELD, going over papers to further induct the twins into the Avengers, Natasha finally gets back to the tower. She ignores all the SHIELD agents rushing in and out of the lobby and goes straight for the elevators.
Mentally, she admits that after the headache that is going into SHIELD, the sound of your laugh as soon as she gets on the main floor is refreshing. A small smile forms on her face and she makes her way towards the kitchen where she hears your voice.
While she knows you’re friends with the rest of her team, she can’t help but wonder if you came here to see her.
That thought falls short the instant she reaches the kitchen doorway. She quickly finds that the source of your laugh is the same young woman she’d just been recruiting onto her team.
In fact, laughter comes from you and Wanda as you cook together. The aroma smells incredible but she can’t help but to remember that this is the very same thing the two of you had done on multiple occasions.
“Nat, hey, when’d you get here?”
Your voice pulls Natasha from her thoughts and she almost smiles again. Almost.
“A few minutes ago.” She decides to take a step closer, which puts her right in the doorway.“ What’re you two making?”
“Um,” your eyebrows pinch together and you look at Wanda.
“Paprikash.” She answers with a quiet giggle and a shake of her head.
You smile at her then look back up at Natasha,“ we’re making Paprikash.”
The redhead hums, debating with herself on whether she should stay or not. An indescribable feeling nagged in the back of her mind, growing more persistent as she looks at you and Wanda happily interacting with one another. It gradually chips away at her excitement to spend time with you and she hates it.
With a huff she says,“ I’ll leave you two to it.”
She turns on her heel and walks away, effectively dodging the blue blur that is Pietro running into the kitchen, heading back to the elevator. With her floor practically empty due to the move, she wasn’t eager to go up but it seemed more relaxing than watching someone else make you laugh and smile how she did.
Just as the elevator doors have started to close you slip through, narrowly missing getting your arm caught between the doors, and stand directly in front of her. Your eyes scan her form, up to her face and lingering there. She watches as you take her in, your eyes finally meeting.
In a soft voice, one that practically melts her heart, you ask,“ are you okay?” She can’t say she expected you to ask that, plus the equally as soft look in your eyes, she grasps for an answer. One that isn’t ‘I didn’t like seeing you so happy with someone else’.
“Just tired. It’s been a long day and my floor isn’t exactly relaxation friendly right now.” She excuses.
Nodding along, you smile a little at her,“ think I could help with that if you’d let me.” And there’s no way she’s saying no.
That’s how, a little over thirty minutes later, she finds herself following you into your apartment building with takeout bags and beer in hand.
You hadn’t explained the plan until you were picking up the food. Telling her that a change of scenery might be exactly what she needs. Her trying to relax and unwind at the Tower was equivalent to a lawyer trying to relax at their firm.“ You can’t destress from work at work.” You reasoned.
Unlocking your door, you gently push it open and hold it for Natasha. She wasn’t sure what to expect of your apartment, but what she finds definitely isn’t it.
Walking into your apartment makes her a little confused. It’s like stepping into a time vault that housed a number of different eras all at once. While things like your appliances and a few tables or paintings were modern or at least from the last decade, your couch, chairs, and even your cabinets look dated.
It was as if you furnished your home without a single clue of what you actually knew you wanted to present. But it’s you. Natasha finds that it almost perfectly embodies the person she’s come to know you to be.
Since the moment she met you it was clear you were equally as present as you were stuck in the past. Your friendships with Tony and Steve showed that in an ironic way. With Tony the majority of your conversations or bonding was over the future, things he was planning, building, or tinkering with that would change the future. While with Steve you focused on the way things used to be in the era you grew up and were raised in.
“Nice place.” She finally says, moving her eyes from the kitchen to you.“ Very, you.”
The look you give her makes a small giggle leave her lips. You seemed so proud of her first comment and then the second one made you frown, as if you couldn’t tell if you should take it as an insult or a compliment.
“Don’t think too hard Y/ln, your ears are starting to smoke.” She says jokingly, patting your cheek without giving it any thought. Her turning away makes her miss the way you flush at her inconsequential touch.
At your invitation, she makes herself at home, finding a spot on the couch and starting to unpack the food. You join her shortly after with plates and forks, turning the tv on and going to a channel you both enjoy watching.
“How you feelin about the move?” You ask, picking up your plate and leaning back against the couch. Even though the tv is on, Natasha can’t help but notice that all your attention seems to be on her.
While she is definitely used to the attention, men and women alike focusing solely on her because of her looks, your attention is different. She knows it would be unreasonable of her to think you aren’t paying attention to her for her looks because well, when she gives you attention the first thing she looks at is your looks. You’re incredibly attractive, especially to the redhead. But it was more than that.
On both ends, yourself and Natasha saw the physical beauty, but you looked beyond that. You saw the beauty of each other’s personalities.
You’re lighthearted, you have an outlook on life that she finds intriguing, and not just because you’re decades older than her, it was how you maintained a fairly optimistic view on things despite the cards you’d been dealt in the past. On top of that you’re honest and caring, especially to the people you consider friends and family.
As far as she goes, you see her in, almost, the same way she sees you. She’s honest. Shows her care in a way that you find adorable, mainly because it’s so nonchalant. Her will to keep going, to endure the many trials she’s been through. Her strength never fails to amaze you. Not to mention the absolute admiration you have for her in regards to her clearing her ledger. Especially since being an Avenger means so much more to her than just that.
That thought alone sends a rumbling of butterflies in her stomach and she hates how childish it feels but loves it all the same.
“Um,” she looks down, letting her hair curtain between you two to hide the blush that rises.“ I can’t say I feel any particular way about it.”
When she feels your fingers ghost over her cheek, she has half a mind to grab your hand and break it, but it’s you and she’s been secretly craving your touch. In the softest gesture she’d ever been on the end of, you brush her hair back. Your fingers lightly run over her cheek and temple as you hook her hair behind her ear.
She looks over to see you drop your head slightly to catch her eye, a little smile on your face.“ It is okay if you aren’t all that happy to be leaving. The tower has been your home for the last few years. An attachment or even familiarity with it is understandable.”
“I-” she sighs, just barely tilts her head closer to your touch, then lifts her head.“ I’ve never had a home Y/ln.” She knows you can hear the hurt in her words, cause admittedly she didn’t hide it like she usually would. She doesn’t feel the need to with you.
You go quiet for a moment and Natasha wonders if maybe she should’ve kept her somber comment to herself. The instant she considers walling herself off again, you speak.“ Well then maybe,”
She raises an eyebrow at you.“ Maybe what?”
“Maybe this could be your home.” You swallow, nerves manifesting in the way you play with your food.“ I know you’ve only just been here today but, everyone deserves a safe haven. Somewhere they can escape from the rest of the world. Everyone deserves a home.” You finally look back into her eyes,“ especially you Nat.”
You didn’t know but in that moment you got to her in a way no one else ever had. You didn’t tear her walls down. Instead, as if understanding the very reason the walls had been put up in the first place, you built a door to her heart and soul. And only you hold the key to it.
She’s hit with the weight of her feelings for you, feelings she’d never had for anyone before. As terrifying as she finds it, she can’t help but think that if there’s anyone who she could trust to be gentle with these feelings it’s you.
* * * * * * *
Taglist: @owloftheshadows @natasha-danvers @blackxwidowsxwife @yumusak-yastik @b-5by5 @fayhar @lostandsearching @iliketozoneout @thewidowsghost @ecruzsalaz
#natasha romanoff#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff x you#natasha romanoff x yn#black widow#black widow x reader#black widow x you#black widow x yn#natasha romanoff fic#black widow fic#marvel#marvel x reader#mcu#mcu x reader#reader insert#moment in time
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Extracurricular, An Analysis
Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri
“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is sign on as it’s accomplice.”
- Tom Robbins
You know the story. You’ve heard it before, right?
Boy meets girl.
Girl finds out that boy is running a side protection business for prostitutes.
Girl decides to blackmail boy into letting her join his business.
Classic high school criminal shenanigans ensue leading them into more dangerous situations where they are forced to make desperate decisions to stay alive.
Oh, and they fall in love along the way.
Oh? You haven’t heard this one before? Then let me introduce you to this delightful kdrama called Extracurricular.
I watched this one while waiting for the newest Hometown Cha Cha Cha episodes to drop and ended up binging the whole series in two days. There are many remarkable parts of this series: it’s a crime drama, first and foremost, that showcases high school teenagers caught in a cycle of violence and crime, abandoned by the society and adults that are supposed to be protecting them. There are no clear good guys and bad guys in this drama; everyone is cast in shades of grey. Our main leads, Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri, run the prostitution business, and are both from broken family backgrounds. Their actions are morally questionable at best, but the top tier performances from Kim Dong Hee (you might remember him from Itaewon Class) and Park Ju Hyun make you cheer for them anyway. You want them to have a happy ending, despite the horrible things they do. The audience is always reminded that despite how clever they are in staying ahead, their actions have consequences, and they’re just high school kids. The drama never pulls it punches.
But, weirdly enough, it’s also a love story. And that’s the part the really sticks with me until now. (The chemistry between the main leads is absolute dynamite and I could watch ten episodes of them just verbally sparring with each other. They don’t even kiss. They’re that fantastic when together on screen.)
I’m writing this because this is undoubtedly one of my all time favorite kdramas and I have a lot of feelings about our main pairing, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri. I can’t call them a couple (wait, didn’t I just say they fall in love) because their relationship can’t be labelled simply as that. Think of it as something similar to the main leads in My Ahjussi. Two people who should have become soulmates, yet met at the wrong time.
This kdrama is not particularly happy, and while I do encourage people to watch this, I am warning that the subject matter is extremely dark. If you’re sensitive to scenes depicting sexual assault, graphic violence, or anything in that zip code you’ll want to steer clear.
Also, I’ll be diving into spoiler territory in this analysis. So if you want to go in clean, then stop reading here.
Still here? Awesome. Let’s dive deep into the messy, amazing pairing that is Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri. First, let’s do a brief character background on our two main leads, starting with Ji-soo.
Oh Ji-soo is one half of our main pairing and this story starts with him. He lives by himself and has been essentially abandoned by his only parents; his father is a failed businessman who gambles whatever money he acquires on scams and his mother ran away. His apartment is small, sparse, but functional. He owns only a few outfits aside from his school uniform. The only unique item he owns is a pet hermit crab that he takes care of. His life outside of school is non-existent; he has no friends, no one to hang out with and do typical high school teenager activities with. He takes care of himself and lives only for himself and his “dream”: to graduate, attend college, get married, and have kids like a normal person.
But to do that, he needs a large amount of money. He has no other financial means to do so (his father is largely absent, as is his mother), so he decides, at some point, to start up this protection business for prostitutes. The drama doesn’t go into detail about the how and why he came to this conclusion that this was the best way to make a lot of money in a short amount of time, so you’ll have to suspend your disbelief from the get go. Considering the themes of the story (how youths abandoned by society tend to act out in extreme ways to make it in this world), it’s not hard to believe his desperation would drive him to make such a decision.
Ji-soo, despite his shady business, is actually a decent person. There’s a streak of humanity that exists inside him that refuses to go out, despite the increasingly dark and bleak events that start to overtake his life. He’s attached to his hermit crab, cares for his “employees” outside of them being tools to make him money, and doesn’t want to see anyone get hurt. He goes above and beyond what’s required to help out people at the risk of his own life (in particular, Gyu-ri, and we’ll get into that shortly).
What we learn from the first few episodes is that Oh Ji-soo is extremely smart and methodical in how he approaches his life. At school, he is known as a model student - quiet, top of the class in terms of grades, doesn’t draw any attention to himself, always follows along with what the teachers ask of him. Only his homeroom teacher, Mr. Cho, seems to consider his quiet style of existence to be concerning and tries to make him less socially awkward by pairing him up with another student in a new extracurricular club. This leads to the introduction of Bae Gyu-ri, Ji-soo’s longtime crush and future partner-in-crime.
Meet Bae Gyu-ri, the other half of our dynamic duo. Her introduction into the story kickstarts the entire plot, as one of her earliest actions leads to a domino effect that spells increasing doom and tragedy for our main leads. She messes with Ji-soo’s operation at a critical moment and she spends the rest of the drama doing her best to make up for the consequences that follow.
In my personal opinion, she is probably the best main female lead I’ve ever seen in a kdrama. Hands down, no other character exists (currently) that rivals her sheer cunning, wit, and badassery. Gyu-ri is Crazy, capital C, and is the chaos to Ji-soo’s control; the fire to his ice. Despite being the direct cause of half the events that happen to Ji-soo in the drama, he can’t help but need her because of what she offers. They make an incredible team. Her competitiveness, her need to win no matter the odds, helps them survive time and time again.
Gyu-ri is from the opposite end of the spectrum of Ji-soo; he’s dirt poor and she’s insanely rich (always nice to see a reversal of typical kdrama tropes). Her mother and father run a successful entertainment company. Gyu-ri is popular at school, friends with seemingly everybody, pretty, cheerful and gets along well with her teachers. Ji-soo, and the audience, believe from the beginning that she has the perfect life. It’s not hard to believe that she’s just involving herself in Ji-soo’s business because she’s bored and needs an outlet, at first.
We soon learn otherwise. Gyu-ri has more in common with Ji-soo than he initially realizes, in that they’re both trapped in circumstances beyond their control - it’s just that Gyu-ri’s cage is gilded, whereas his is not. Her parents are strict and have her life planned out for her, all without her consent or input, leaving her feeling frustrated and powerless despite her rich lifestyle. A suicide attempt hasn’t done much to change her parents attitude towards her, only serving to further their control over her life.
So, when she learns of Ji-soo’s operation she immediately seeks to angle her way into it. First, she tries to rip him off, believing that he’s an evil “pimp” and thus deserves it. But after spending some time with him, she changes her mind last second and decides to help him out instead.
And, now, let’s get into their relationship, which is one of the best (if not the best) aspect in the entire series.
I need to be upfront about something: the relationship between Ji-soo and Gyu-ri is not exactly healthy. I wouldn’t describe it as toxic - the circumstances surrounding them aren’t exactly the best environment to encourage open and honest communication - but it’s definitely not what should be considered ideal, especially for young adults, and especially for young adults who are dabbling in crime instead of studying.
So, why do I love them so much? If you’ve read some of my previous posts, you know that I loathe toxic relationships in kdramas, so I understand if you think I’m coming off as hypocritical here. Why do I like Oh Ji-soo and Bae Gyu-ri when I didn’t like, for example from recent history, (oh boy, here I go again on my Nevertheless BS) Park Jae-eon and Yu Na-bi?
First, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are way cooler than Jae-eon and Na-bi ever could be. They run a criminal enterprise that involves having a high amount of intelligence, cunning, and daring to do so. Do Jae-eon and Na-bi run a criminal enterprise as a side business? No, they don’t, because they’re boring art students.
Secondly, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri actually progress in their relationship and change their views as they learn from each other. Now, granted, that progress isn’t towards becoming better versions of each other - quite the opposite. But at least they have progress. Jae-eon and Na-bi stayed in the same stupid cycle for the whole series and then decided that it was better staying that way as opposed to trying for something else.
Last, but certainly not least, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are actually interesting to watch for me. The chemistry between Park Ju Hyun and Kim Dong Hee is explosive and they way they spar, exchange looks, and just generally exist around each other on screen is something I can watch forever. I’ve said this before but Han So Hee and Song Kang’s on screen chemistry, outside of their intimate scenes, really didn’t impress me.
Okay, back to Extracurricular. This relationship, man. It’s all I can think about (other than HomeCha’s Du-sik and Hye-jin, but that’s another post). Ji-soo and Gyu-ri are so good together.
I’ve noted before that Ji-soo is methodical in how he approaches his life; he plans out everything ahead, and rigs any situation as much as he can in his favor. It’s brilliant, but when a crisis happens, he doesn’t know how to deal with it effectively. He panics and flounders; becomes indecisive at a time when clear, decisive action is required.
Enter Gyu-ri. She quickly becomes the partner he never knew he needed. When there’s a situation, she becomes invaluable in her quick thinking and wit, coming up with solutions on the fly. It’s not perfect, but it keeps them just one small step ahead of whatever is coming their way.
The only thing preventing them from becoming unstoppable is the lack of communication and trust they have with each other. A lot of that has to do with how Gyu-ri entered Ji-soo’s business - she blackmailed him first, and, when that failed, she strong armed her way into getting him to accept her help. It’s implied in the drama that Ji-soo has had a crush on Gyu-ri for a while (since ninth grade, I believe) and in the first episode he actually gets the chance to spend time with her outside of school on a sort of quasi-date.
It goes sideways pretty quickly because of some shenanigans from his business, but not before she gets to know him and says some pretty touching words regarding his situation. Poor guy is head over heels - even after finding out that she’s the one blackmailing him, his feelings are only dampened, not extinguished. When he catches a glimpse of her family’s situation, he gains a deeper understanding of her and why she acts the way she does. Even more importantly, Ji-soo treats her the same after finding out this information which, to someone like Gyu-ri, means more than if he comforted her about it.
If you want to see a physical representation of how he feels, other than paying attention to his actions, you can see it in him keeping mementos from Gyu-ri. She has an interesting habit of folding bags into origami shapes and giving it to him. Even after the blackmail reveal, you can see that he continues to keep these in a container on his desk. It’s really cute that he keeps these, when it probably doesn’t even matter that much to Gyu-ri.
Towards the end of the drama, Ji-soo prepares to turn himself in to prevent Gyu-ri from being implicated in the crimes they committed. And it costs him almost everything to protect her. Ji-soo, the quiet, nerdy kid, puts himself on the line time and time again to protect Gyu-ri, knowing that it puts his life and his dream at risk to do so. And all for what? For some girl that he thinks doesn’t even like him in return?
Well, let’s talk about that. Because I’ve seen some comments that Gyu-ri was only using Ji-soo for her own selfish gain. And I can agree that was how it was at the beginning for her; she definitely was only interested in acquiring money, like Ji-soo was, in order to achieve her own goal of being free from her parents.
But, oh man, that is not what is motivating her at the end.
It’s actually pointed out relatively early by some of her friends that it’s obvious that she likes Ji-soo more than he likes her. Understandably Ji-soo is keeping her at arms length from him given the whole recent blackmailing, so it would make sense that it looks that way.
Further questioning reveals what she likes the most about him:
“It’s not like I’m crazy about him. He’s fun. And amusing. He’s smart. And there’s a certain charm he has. He also has a wolfish side to him. But he thinks he’s a puppy.”
- Bae Gyu-ri
But, as she gets to know Ji-soo better, you can certainly see that she starts to fall hard for him. As a cover story for why they hang out so much together during and after school, Gyu-ri states to everyone that they’re dating. The reactions across the school definitely imply that this is a shocking development, which means that Gyu-ri hasn’t dated anyone before. So why Ji-soo other than the reasons she herself states?
He challenges her, just as she challenges him. Gyu-ri may be the more dynamic, quick thinking of the pair but Ji-soo is every inch her intellectual equal - just in different ways. She doesn’t seem to be the type to be easily impressed, but you can tell that she’s definitely impressed by Ji-soo’s operation and how thoroughly set up it is. When Ji-soo is frustrated at the beginning by his setbacks, he blows up at another student (knocks him out in a crazy punch) and immediately walks over to Gyu-ri afterwards (who saw the whole thing) to inform her that she is now his partner in crime.
The look in her eyes, and the small smirk she has speaks volumes about her attraction to him in that scene. Smoldering.
And, oh yes, she’s prone to jealousy. Another classmate, Min-hee, gives Ji-soo a present out of the blue (it was supposed to be for her boyfriend, Ki-tae, but that’s another sub-plot) - all within view of Gyu-ri. It’s hilarious how she tries to brush it off. Later, for plot reasons, Ji-soo has to spend more time with Min-hee which only furthers Gyu-ri’s annoyance.
And her motivations stop being entirely about the money and more towards helping preserve the dream that she and Ji-soo share about being free. There’s a scene in episode 8 where it’s revealed that, due to a business partnership with a local gang (set up by none other than Gyu-ri herself in a desperate move), Ji-soo would have to drop out of school permanently to work on their behalf. Gyu-ri overhears this and, despite badly needing the gang’s help in sustaining their own business, immediately terminates the partnership.
All because it would interfere with Ji-soo’s dream.
Man, if that isn’t love.
In the following episode, Gyu-ri, and later on Ji-soo, is kidnapped by the same gang in retaliation for terminating their partnership. Ji-soo comes to her rescue but Gyu-ri is already almost free (again, she’s really, really badass) and is demanding that they bring Ji-soo to her instead of running for her life.
Surviving this latest attempt puts the two in a reflective, vulnerable mood and Gyu-ri asks Ji-soo why he keeps saving her. Ji-soo asks later on why she keeps risking her life to be with him. They don’t say the answer in words but in an almost kiss (yeah, you read that right - almost).
And then, if you aren’t already convinced, Ji-soo crosses his one last remaining line in an effort to keep Gyu-ri safe; he accidentally pushes a fellow classmate down some steps and, instead of helping her, leaves her to die after grabbing the evidence she has on him and Gyu-ri.
Extracurricular pulls off quite the magic trick here, hiding this well done love story in the middle of a serious crime drama.
The real tragedy is that Ji-soo thinks that Gyu-ri views this whole business, and by extension his life, as one big game. It’s something that she takes offense at, visibly becoming upset when he says that.
But even if that were true, he should be assured since Gyu-ri doesn’t like to lose.
As they hurtle towards the end and face up to the consequences of their actions, Ji-soo and Gyu-ri undoubtedly lose sight of their original goals and dreams. They do some fairly horrible things to stay alive and ahead of the police who are close on their trail. You can’t really blame them for doing what they did; in the face of a society that has abandoned them, what they’re doing is a logical outcome to gain what they want so desperately and deserve so much: the chance to be free to live like normal, care-free people.
I can’t say for certain that they achieve that. The drama is serious in consequences and, at the end, the net around them is drawing tighter and tighter. I won’t spoil the ending scene for you, because I highly encourage you watch this drama yourself but I will say this: Ji-soo and Gyu-ri seem stuck in an impossible situation with nowhere to go, and no one to help them, with a clock ticking down towards either death or discovery by the police.
But, all the same, I’m always the optimist. They’ve gotten through situations like this before and they can certainly do so again. Maybe not as bad as this one, but not too far out of their league. And, like I mentioned before, Gyu-ri doesn’t like to lose. Especially when it comes to Ji-soo.
Their relationship is truly dangerous, as Ji-soo himself notes. Them being together is the source of their problems; they’re too much alike now, as opposed to the beginning of the drama where he stated that they’re too different. Their love is the kind of love where both of them are willing to burn the whole world down if it means keeping each other safe.
I’m a real sucker for those kind of love stories. No one’s a hero here. They’re just kids in high school, doing the best with what they know.
Who are we to judge what is right and wrong? Especially when the one committing the acts are high school kids who don’t know any better and just want to save each other?
Do we have that right?
Do they really deserve that punishment? Shouldn’t we be pointing fingers at the society that forced them to act this way?
Extracurricular really makes you think about that. Is it really so outlandish and terrible what Ji-soo and Gyu-ri do to survive when the adults who are supposed to be protecting them, teaching them better, have failed in their duty?
Maybe they really did win at the end. Not so much in succeeding in their goals but in gaining something that not even regular people are likely to find - a partner, a soulmate, someone who will stand by you no matter what.
If you do watch the ending, and are not an optimist like I am, then all I can say is this: whatever happened, they were together at the end.
They were together.
#extracurricular netflix#human class#netflix#kdrama#oh jisoo#bae gyuri#park joo hyun#park ju hyun#kim dong hee
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A bit of context, I was on my facebook, watching TikTok videos when I noticed a video of a guy imitating all the behaviors of his pregnant wife in a pretty funny way, the more I watched it, the more I imagined Levi imitating Hange with her pregnancy. That one morning, after a guys night out, Hange gets a video from Mike, and in the video she sees a drunk Levi imitating her, in the background everyone laughing and cheering him on. Could you please make a fanfic about it? If you have the time 👉👈.
hi, hi!!! so i changed your prompt a little bit? i just had a sudden crave for a really sappy levi, sorry!
Friday nights were perfect for devouring a whole bucket of chocolate ice-cream and watching a favorite tv-show. Of course, Hange would have preferred if a certain mister grumps was snuggled next to her - it'd be nice if his gentle hands caressed her already too big stomach while he whispered in her ear how much Linda from Peaky Blinders was pissing him off. Watching tv without Levi's snappy commentary wasn't just as fun anymore.
But... It was her fault that Levi wasn't there. Hange was the one who forced him to leave her alone tonight and take a break from fretting over her and their still unborn baby. A night out with their friends presented a perfect opportunity for him to unwind.
Hange would have loved to see all of their friends, it's been ages since she had seen Erwin and talked with Mike in person. But she was cozy enough on a couch with a bucket of ice-cream, and Levi deserved some rest.
"Daddy's been working so hard lately, hasn't he?" Hange cooed, stroking her stomach. The baby inside didn't answer, but Hange felt a sort of a kick. Whether it was her imagination or an actual reply from a baby, it was still enough to make her content.
Sending another spoon full of chocolate into her mouth, Hange returned her attention to the tv-screen.
Only to stop not even three minutes later, because damn she was so annoyed.
"Won't you look at that?" she huffed. "That Linda is such a b-"
Hange stopped herself at the last moment. It was too early for the baby to learn the cuss words. Besides, their father would be the one to teach them, not her.
Having no other way to vent her frustrations, Hange grabbed her phone. She wanted to dial Levi, or, at least, send him a text, she had to tell him what had just happened, in vivid details with the addition of everything that was wrong about it, but her display showed that she already received a text. Not from Levi, though. From Mike.
Intrigued to the point of forgetting her irritation, Hange hurried to open it. The text turned to be a video, and Hange had to bit her lip to stop from laughing herself silly.
The video was filmed in a bar, the one Hange and the others frequented regularly. It was a little dark, but there was just enough light to recognize everyone around the table.
And see how inebriated Levi was.
Her husband, who usually drank insane amounts of alcohol and didn't even get tipsy, was already red in the face and slurring. He was also smiling, happily so, and Hange turned up the volume to hear what he was talking about.
"Erwin, come on," on the video Levi wrapped an arm around his friend, getting closer to his face. Erwin laughed and gently pushed him away. "Just drive me home, to my Hange. I want..." he stopped, blinking a few times, searching for his words.
"To kiss Hange?" Mike's voice behind the camera offered.
Levi nodded.
"To cuddle with her on a couch watching some boring tv-show?" Nanaba added.
Levi nodded again, more eagerly this time. "And to put a hand on her stomach," he whispered dreamily. "It's so soft and sometimes I feel the baby kicking, and it's..."
"The best thing in the world?" Erwin smiled.
Levi sighed, looking incredibly content. "I've never thought I'd be so happy."
There was some shuffling heard after that, with Erwin telling everyone that he was going to take Levi home, while Nanaba chided Mike for I can't believe you were filming him this whole time!
Hange had tears in her eyes, as she read Mike caption, the short but sweet someone out here misses you so much.
"Look, baby," Hange murmured, wiping away tears that couldn't stop flowing, damn the stupid hormones. "Your daddy loves both of us so much."
This time, the kick had happened for real, and Hange chuckled, as she stroked her stomach. "You can't wait to get out and meet him, huh? Well, wait just for a little longer," she promised. "You'll be so loved by us when you're born."
Hange couldn't wait to meet their baby too, and not because the giant stomach was starting to become a rather tiresome addition.
With a heavy sigh, she rose to her feet. "C'mon, baby, let's draw your dad a bath, otherwise he'd be awfully gloomy and unpleasant tomorrow morning."
Just before going to the bathroom, Hange took the phone in her hands, typing a quick message to Mike.
Thank for taking care of our shorty. Now the two of us will take care of him :)
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Chrollo, Hisoka, and Illumi Headcanons
Chrollo, Hisoka, Illumi, and Leorio headcanons
Hello, anon! I am so sorry for taking longer than usual to respond to this post. I have been so busy with A LOT lately but I have time now! I don’t know if you want N/SFW, romantic or non so I’ll go based on what comes to mind! I know many Tumblr users have made these types of assumptions for them a lot but I wanted to join in. I started writing this last night so forgive me if there are any unbearable grammar errors. I hope you like it anon, I tried my best. I have to work on my headcanons for them because I try to keep them in character. Since we don’t have much background info on ⅔, I have to keep it as realistic as possible. FYI N/SFW content is mentioned.
Discord for Voltron and HxH fans
Let’s start with Chrollo.
Chrollo (SFW)
I’ve seen on here that a lot of you headcanon Chrollo to be an understanding man when it comes to feelings for his significant other. Given his soft voice and calm demeanor, I’m sure that is somewhat true.
It seems like Chrollo isn’t on board with over-the-top PDA meaning he would agree to hand-holding and his arm around you but nothing more. He saves the...other stuff for when you two are alone. Because of Chrollo’s past, it seems like he wouldn’t want to be seen in public that much because that can cause him to get caught by the authorities.
He takes your safety very seriously. You understand that when he is with the Phantom Troupe that you are not to interrupt until the business is over. He doesn’t allow you to get involved with the missions because of how dangerous they can be (example: the auction). He knows you can handle it, he prefers for you not to be involved. Feelings and work can make things difficult.
Although Chrollo hides in the shadows, I imagine he lives in a penthouse with expensive furniture, white and black color pattern, and large windows that have an astonishing view of Yorknew.
After you both have worked long and hard, you open the door just to see the lights dimmed so dark that it matches the night atmosphere. There are rose petals leading to the bathroom where a bubble bath is waiting. As you enter the bathroom, your boyfriend is waiting there, submerged in bubbles sticking his arms out. Candles light up the tiny room casting a romantic shadow from your body. You grab his hand and gently sit in the tub. The warm water felt amazing; it helped your aching muscles (from exercising) feel better. Chrollo gently grabbed your arm and pulled you into a warm, loving embrace. He wrapped his toned arms around your body and rested his chin on your shoulder. He didn’t say a word but instead breathed heavily, kissed your shoulder, and leaned back against the wall. On days like this, he didn’t say much but his actions spoke louder than words.
Chrollo NSFW
I think Chrollo is a passionate lover. This assumption comes from his calm demeanor. He seems to be incredibly patient so if you aren’t positioning yourself the right way or something, he’ll work with you to make sure you get it and you are comfortable.
He is touchy. That means during the nitty-gritty, he likes to touch your face, chin, lips, and your torso as a way to show more affection.
When he is in the mood, he moves slowly then very fast. He cannot resist the urges and feelings he has for you.
He loves to do this while the drapes are open although you have expressed that you like your privacy. It’s ironic. He doesn’t like extreme PDA but is ok with sleeping with you while the lights from the city shine near your penthouse window. Ah, guys are confusing.
After the climax, he lays flat on the bed and pulls you close. He leaves about an inch in between because heat is still radiating off your bodies and it’s summertime.
Hisoka (SFW) If his significant other was shy.
People have mixed feelings about Hisoka, feelings, and whether or not if he is gentle or not. I don’t think that Hisoka is gentle but begins to lay off the harsh jokes or pranks as he sees that you both have fought before and you’re not as weak as he thought.
Unlike Chrollo, he is all for PDA. This ranges from hand holding to playful kisses to passionate kisses. When I saw Hisoka for the first time, I immediately thought he was a fuck boy. A fuck boy is a boy that is only interested in sleeping with someone and doesn’t intend on pursuing a relationship.
He’d take the pleasure of appreciating your presence as well as testing your patience. If you are shy and are easily flustered, he will change that. He’ll do things like kissing you, calling you affectionate names, or anything that will cause you to respond. You hit him jokingly. Still not getting the message, he continues and you hit him harder. This is where he releases a medium moan which causes everyone to look in your direction. You freeze; face flushed and he’s laughing his ass off.
“What’s the matter,” he asks, covering his mouth. “You look flushed~♥.”
“You’re doing too much. Stop playing around! People are staring~💯.” You cover the side of your face. True enough you were a little mortified but in a good way. You knew he did this because he liked you but sometimes he played too much.
This is when he pulls you closer to his face, your ear next to his mouth, and whispers something in your ear that sent chills down your spine that made you blush more than before. He nearly puckered his lips as he spoke. He took his index finger and thumb to caress your cheek.
“Raising your voice at me? That simply won’t do. Aren’t you aware of the consequences~♥?”
You knew better than to not say anything because he would cup your cheeks and pull you into a deep kiss, and wouldn’t let go until he was sure that everyone was looking.
Both of you enjoy red, white, and rose wine. To him, wine equals classiness and sophistication. After fighting each other for hours (which he considers training for you and exercise for him) drinking wine and watching Lifetime (television for idiots) is a great way to end the night.
NSFW
As stated above, I originally thought that Hisoka was a fuck boy, so I am going to roll with that thought. This man has the potential of being rough and if he is too rough this is the time where you can speak up and say so. He’ll listen to you. Similar to Chrollo, he can be very romantic if he wants to. The rose petals gimmick was played out.
Instead, he hides in the darkest part of the living room waiting for you.
You turn on the lights and immediately head to the kitchen to drink a bottle of ice-cold water. Summer nights in Yorknew were hot and humid, almost unbearable. It felt like you were being suffocated. Becoming impatient, Hisoka clears his throat loudly causing you to nearly jump out of your skin; choking on the water you were drinking. He released a sexy chuckle. When you turned around, there stood your chiseled buff boyfriend bare with a ribbon tied in various directions around his body. Your birthday was two days ago and he was your gift. Although you have seen him like this before, for some reason you were too flustered to make a move. He already knew that you were tired from work, so he carried you in his arms to the Exercise Room and laid you gently on the floor. You smiled as a rush or passion took over your body resulting in you tearing off the ribbon tightly wrapped around his body. Since this was your birthday gift, he made it a night you’d remember forever! Surprisingly, no roughhousing, just soft and gentle. This proves that Hisoka has the capability of being humane. His strokes were to your liking and the gazes that you both exchanged were mind-blowing. Why couldn’t he be this way all the time? After it all, you fell asleep at her quickly. You were on the floor but now on top of your king-sized bed, with the message control on high. He stayed awake, watching TV, and thought about how he was going to pick a fight with you at the crack of dawn.
Hisoka’s ability to flirt and send the intended person swooning is a talent of itself. Lots of people do not possess this talent. Sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it's not. He speaks softly and smoothly, are he has to do is ask and it shall be done.
Illumi SFW
Illumi gives the impression that he is a “quiet” freak. This means that true enough he is focused on his job but if the moment comes along he will give in. He isn’t into PDA at all and if he does feel like showing some affection it will be done in private. Even though he appears to be a zombie, laying on or even cuddling with his significant other will help him relax for once. Imagine having to complete many missions in a day, exhausted, and have a wonderful person waiting to act as a human pillow for your weary head. Even Illumi can’t resist that.
If he likes you and plans to marry you, he will make that known to everyone to avoid confusion. Illumi represents the stereotypical shy boy; he is anti-social, prefers to only be around people he knows and trusts, and carries out the duties of his job.
After everything has been completed for the day, he wouldn’t mind ( and secretly begs) for silent cuddles with his significant other and to just fall asleep. At this point, you are used to it so this is all you want and you are satisfied. When he does talk, it’s usually about something he found out from work that he knows should be kept quiet but he tells you anyway. Late nights are the time of day where Illumi vents for a few hours. The details of these vent sessions could range anywhere from “I wish you were there to see it” to “No, it would be too much”. As quiet and reserve as he is, his love is shown in a unique way that you have grown accustomed to.
NSFW
When the urge slaps him across the face like a sack of rocks, he cannot resist. Usually, he fights off the urge by exercising (mainly because you are out of the house or sleep) but this time he couldn’t shake it.
Before he gets started with anything, he styles his long hair in the shape of a bun so it doesn’t get in the way of action.
Although he is portrayed to be an emotionless zombie, he has some feeling deep inside him that he unleashes just for you. This is shown by gentle moist kisses being placed along your neck and once he reaches your shoulder that is when you wake up. Halfway through your sleepy eyes, you see a man with a devilish smile painted across his face. Who is this man? This couldn’t be your boyfriend. No way, no how.
Once he sees your sleepy smile, he just releases so many kisses that you throw the blanket off and he pulls you in closer.
Illumi will allow you both to switch the roles meaning he is in charge one time and you are on another day. Since you were still asleep, he decided to take on the role. He is surprisingly gentle in the beginning but as soon as it takes off, your ride him like a donkey. It ironic; he releases more noises than you! You have to remind him that noise travels! Great, you’re doing your job well! While it is important to take your job seriously, you need to have time to release that stress.
He uses his large eyes to stare into yours; you always found yourself lost in his gaze.
After it all, you lay back down waiting for your boyfriend to return from the kitchen. Illumi craves food like crazy after a good session. What’s better than donuts at 3 AM? COMFORT FOOD!!
These urges also come when you two are training together. Several times he’s had to guide you from behind on how to aim his needles. This time you noticed the packing of his pants which surprised you.
“Any questions,” he asked in a monotone voice.
“Yes. Why did you wear jogging pants? You’re giving yourself away.”
It was at this moment, he knew he fucked up. But let’s be honest, ok? He is standing behind the most beautiful person in the world, nostrils full of perfume, hair tied up, and has his left hand placed loosely on your thigh?! What was he thinking by wearing jogging pants when he was with you? He acted as if he didn’t know what you were talking about.
“You really don’t know?”
You kicked your backside out against him causing him to fall to the ground.
“Wow! Your legs are like jelly!”
“Why tease me,” He asked breaking out a small smile.
“You’re the one denying it.”
“Just get to it. I can’t wait any longer or else I’ll explode.”
The quiet ones are always the freakiest.
#hunter x hunter headcanons#hunter x 1999#hunter x hunter#hunter x meme#hunter x reader#hunter x 2011#chrollo x reader#chrollo x you#chrollo x y/n#hisoka x y/n#hisoka x reader#hisoka fluff#hisoka morow#hxh#illumi hunter x hunter#illumi zoldyck#illumi x y/n#illumi x reader#hunter x hunter x reader#hunter x hunter x you#hunter x hunter x y/n#chrollo lucilfer#hxh fandom#hxh 2011#hxh x reader#hxh hisoka#hxh illumi#hxh 1999#hunter x hunter imagines#hunter x hunter fanfiction
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(The continuation of this post where during a spell class a portal opened and the boys' female doubles as well as MC's appeared in the class) (I think I could make it an independent "story" for the adventures of my MC /OC /YUU)
My MC /OC /YUU and his double crossing the gaze in the class: * Double bi panic *
*Now we will have to find a solution to bring these young ladies and this gentleman back to their reality, but in the meantime here is the look of our twisted guys if they were girls*
Dorm leaders:
Riddle: Looks both serious and cute, with a round cheeky face and big eyes with long thick lashes as well as a pretty pixie haircut. Obviously she stays small but is always bigger than my MC OC YUU, her voice both soft and sharp, a very interesting contrast.
Leona: Made more of a woman than a young girl, still has magnificent hair, bewitching eyes and has a very toned and nicely muscular body. His voice is deep with that tone both seductive and bored. She knows perfectly well that she is beautiful, that she has charm and adores the handset with her immense intelligence. It's an absolutely formidable combo. She is the same height as her male double.
Azul: Gives that mafia-like aura (Or Sugar Mummy), with her hair styled in an impeccable bun and her tailor that is both professional and flatters her gorgeous figure perfectly. Her smile is both sweet and dangerous. But we all know that deep down she is a sweet girl who needs reassurance and who needs to realize how smart, hardworking, and beautiful she is (and we know any of us don't would stop proving it to her). She must be two or three centimeters shorter than her male double.
Kalim: She's still a sun ball and a full cinnamon roll! So positive and supportive! Tie up her long silver hair with a cute headband and always do her makeup in warm tones (where instead Jamil helps her with her makeup like that). Always wears tons of gold bracelets on her wrists and ankles, is very tactile, and has no problem cuddling the people she loves and appreciates! Is the kind of friend who makes sure you eat well and that you don't miss anything. (I can see her thinking that she and Jamil have more of a sister relationship than a master and servant relationship). Is exactly the same size as her male double.
Vil: Let's be honest here, Vil would be the most gorgeous woman who hasn't set foot at Night Raven College for decades after The Beautiful Queen! You almost feel like she's straight out of a fashion magazine but no, it's just that our Reine des Poisons takes so much care of her and works so hard to come to such potential! Her magnificent hair would reach her shoulders, her voice would be as beautiful as honey on a slice of bread and her makeup and manicure would be as perfect as it gets! Maybe she would be a little taller than her male double (even without heels). (I don't know why but apart from her care and makeup, I also see her very well making her own jewelry as well as her perfume).
Idia: Haired with two long, fiery quilts, she would be more the type to have an e-girl style but with very loose clothes that would not show her forms (the poor one does not realize that she has the potential to become a model for lingerie). Her voice would be both sweet and high-pitched, and she could also be smaller than her male double. (And Husbando, so many Husbando!). Doesn't trust her smile because of her sharp teeth but that is her charm and she is so fucking cute! Maybe she would be more organized and manic than her double even if her room would still be in a very big mess (at least she didn't leave her underwear lying around in plain sight, she would die of shame if anyone saw the cute and childish little designs on it).
Malleus: This woman ... Would be exactly the same size as her male double! And she would be so beautiful and elegant! With long black hair that she would let hang down her back, as well as her incredible figure! (Also gives those Magical Sugar Mummy vibes). His voice, by all the gods ... The most sensual and that playful note we've ever heard. Her voice is also so deep and sweet (let's not even talk about her laugh or I'll die of happiness). Still gives that awesome and intimidating impression on people but is so sweet when you get to know her (Always make that adorable pout when she's sad or upset, you feel like hugging her tight and telling her that even though she is scary in the early days, she's the sweetest person we've ever met!).
The Vice-leader:
Trey: Don't lie to each other, give these married vibes over and over again. But beware, also hides his game very well because in private ... 🥵. Her beautiful hair tied in a ponytail and her voice in playful tones. Would be the type to wear stockings with his uniform and is the same size as his male double. Smells like cake and vanilla, it's both so nice and it also makes you so hungry!
Ruggie: Is quite skinny because as we know Ruggie often endures difficult months. Short and messy hair, has a cheerful voice and an infectious laugh (Quite fond of pretty things in the background, but since she doesn't have much money, she can't really afford it. If she could, she would certainly treat herself to some pretty hair accessories). Perhaps an unacknowledged Tsundere side. Since she cannot feed herself properly for someone her age, she is most certainly smaller than the average for a Beast Woman. Would probably like to have a cuter look, unfortunately she can't afford it as she doesn't want to look "weak".
Jade: Holy shit, this woman is so dangerous and sweetly sadistic, if you ever pique her interest and she likes you on top of that, I'm sorry for you. Her body is certainly muscular and graceful (She also has quite incredible strength). Has long, wavy hair that she wears half-loose and is exactly the same height as her male double. Her voice and at the same time so soft and cold, you don't know if you should feel comfortable or on the contrary, run as far as possible. Obviously loves going for long hikes, (Her legs are so muscular, if she catches you with that, you won't be able to go anywhere). His tone is so teasing, you can't resist him for long.
Jamil: Very tall, even a few inches taller than her male double. Just like Trey, she smells so good, like cinnamon. Has a fairly athletic build, and remained a very, very good dancer. Very skillful, maybe makes her own wrist and ankle bracelets, also wears a lot of jewelry (not as expensive as Kalim's, but still very pretty and it shows her really well, especially the snake designs ), also wears a lot of ear piercings. His hair is very long, silky, and worn the same way as the male Jamil (maybe with extra pearls in his hair). Her voice is deep (sensual) and with a note of irony and sarcasm. Her make up apply lightly but always in such beautiful warm tones (she also highlights her cheekbones), especially with eyeliner to highlight her intense gaze.
Rook: His hair is worn in the same way as the male Rook, also wears a multitude of hats as well as pretty earrings. Likes to tease those around her, smiling and bright. Has a French accent, of course. But remains someone dangerous in the end. Is the same height as her double, is athletic, skillful and has excellent eyesight (Normal for a hunter). See beauty in everything and everyone! Don't you think you're handsome? Rook will give you ten points for why she thinks you are beautiful and why you should stop thinking that way because otherwise she will stalk you until you accept this truth. Her voice is happy and confident, deep and warm. May like to wear accessories like long socks with natural or animal designs. Specialized in throwing knives.
Ortho: So cute! The little sister you will want to protect at the risk of your life! So smart and friendly, curious too. Wears a cute fiery pixie hairstyle and has a cheerful, thin voice. Is so small and skinny.
Lilia: Oh boy ... see Draculaura from Monster Hight? She has the same look. So much into jokes, loves to surprise people to scare them. Her voice contrasts completely with her appearance since it is deep and velvety. Same size as her male double. Even though she looks so young, she still acts like a child mom. (Obviously, is always so bad in the kitchen, she brings out stuff, sometimes you are afraid that it will come to life to devour you). Despite her jokes, she is still very good advice and listens.
The rest of our boys:
Cater: If fashionable, is certainly a great influencer. Cater pays so much attention to everything, especially the little details and accessories that she wear. Makeup always on top and colorful, could become a model if she wanted. Is smaller than her male double. Joyful and higher pitched voice, her hair is a bundle of silky curls always worn in a cute way (Like Ariana Grande). (Has a multitude of fans and contenders) carefree and likes to give cute or silly nicknames to people she loves and appreciates. Would be the type to flirt with his friends for fun. Probably has a passion for nail art and would be so proud to show off her designs on her Magicam account! Would act with the first years like a big sister although she is not always good advice. She is so teasing.
Ace: Short, messy hair! Pretty tomboy style, enjoys teasing others too much for his own good, always smiling like shit and communicative. Is a sporty person, and quite arrogant, maybe also a little Tsundere side. Is a hopeless hideaway romantic. Even though she likes to do her makeup, she doesn't like taking fifteen years to do it and does the minimum required. Of course has a more feminine side when she's out of school, but honestly, feminine clothes are never practical for big movements. Act confidently but not too deep down. Her voice is happy and dynamic. Is one or two centimeters smaller than her male double. Likes to wear necklaces and chokers. Rather skinny but not as much as Ruggie.
Deuce: So sweet and so want to do her best to make her mom proud of her. Wearing long hair tied in a low ponytail, her voice is high-pitched and strong. Is quite tall (even taller than her male double). Read romance books on the sly but can't help herself when someone finds out. Probably already dyed his hair blonde during his delinquent period and dyed it before entering Night Raven College. Likes to wear barrettes in her hair, also does her best with her makeup but was not used to it before (it was mainly Ace who taught her everything she knows). Secretly loves wearing skirts and dresses, she hasn't been able to experience it before because she didn't think it would look pretty on her (But she's actually pretty). Certainly be shy and insecure when she finds new people, afraid of doing things badly. Blushes so easily that it is funny. When his delinquent side resurfaces, his voice becomes more serious, threatening, his posture leaves no room for shyness! She might want to change for the better, but that doesn't mean she's going to let others do if they want to bully her!
Jack: Do you see Jasper in the Steven Universe? You now have Jack as a woman. She is muscular and strong! The part she's most proud of is her muscular back! His silvery hair his savage and remained indomitable (But that gives him a crazy charm). Don't take shit from people and still is a Tsundere. But her wagging tail always betrayed her about her emotions, as well as her ears. Same size as her male double. Secretly loves cute things and certainly has an army of adorable stuffed animals in her room in Savanaclaw. Wears a biker style, and because she lives in a cold region with her family, she doesn't get cold easily, so her muscular arms are uncovered all the time (for your viewing pleasure 😏). Her voice is serious, so serious! But if you're friends, you definitely hear that thoughtful little note in her voice. If his male version is the Best Boy, his female version is the Best Girl! She takes care of those she loves and is always ready to help!
Floyd: Is exactly the same size as his male double. Wear her hair short cut in a boyish style (she doesn't have the time or the energy to dwell on her hair). Her voice has high notes, especially when she finds something or someone cute! Very expressive, has no filter. Like her sister, she is muscular and graceful. Her dress style could be similar to those of men in the 40's (she much prefers masculine clothes because it is more comfortable and she doesn't have to worry about her chest with large shirts. does not have to wear a bra!). Love accessories like earrings or piercings. Has immense strength and doesn't always control it. Dislikes makeup, she doesn't want to bother with it (but finds it charming on others, that's just her personal opinion). If its male version is not to be upset, it also works with its female version! Especially when it is at this time of the month, run away poor fools!
Epel: The same problem as with its male version! Except that instead of being manly, she wants us to find her sexy and not cute! All her life in her hometown has not to stop telling her that she was cute! Really ? Was she nothing else ?! She wants people she finds attractive to find her sexy, not cute! Just because she is petite, because she has big, innocent eyes and a round, youthful face, doesn't mean it's her definition of beauty or femininity! Much like her appearance, her voice is cute, slender. Her hair is long, wavy and held up with a red ribbon in an elegant manner. Compare to her male version, Vil lets her speak with her accent because it is one of her charm assets. Her face is decorated with delicate freckles. Is quite skinny with a tiny bit of shape but not a lot (let's say she has a lot more than Riddle). Epel is a little smaller than the male Epel, but not much.
Silver: She is the equivalent of Disney Princess Aurora. Except that, unlike, even if she falls asleep anywhere, she doesn't need a knight to protect her, she is her own knight! Remain a formidable swordsman! In spite of everything, remains someone calm and taciturn, very easygoing. She is very fond of animals and as they naturally flock to her, she is very happy about this fact. Wear her hair up to the shoulders and tie it in a ponytail for practice. She has a fairly toned body, but not too much. Her voice is soft and measured. She is much smaller than her male double.
Sebek: Acts hard but is so soft in the end. Looks pissed off all the time but that's just her natural expression. Wears her hair like her male version, and is the same size. Her voice carries so far, it's very impressive the first time you hear her! It is a bit sharp, but not in an unpleasant way. Carries so much esteem and respect towards Malleus, she would also like so much to be like her but she would never dare to compare herself to her! Blushes so hard and so quickly if you press the right buttons, it's so funny to see her get annoyed! Her figure is quite toned and sporty.
And finally, My MC /OC /YUU: Just like his female version, he wears round glasses, is always 150cm tall and has long wavy hair. Has fairly broad shoulders and is slightly muscular without really being so. Does everything possible to make girls feel comfortable and safe in his presence! He knows how exhausting the life and daily life of women is because of societal pressures and the male gaze. He knows that because of assholes, women are afraid of men and are afraid to even be in the same room as them, so he will do his best to ensure that she never feels that way around him! And if someone has the audacity to make one of them feel these feelings, oh boy ... that person won't last long! He was raised by his mother alone, and she taught him respect, consent and righteous values. He is an ally, so rest assured 😊😉. His voice is soft and serious (Also watching him get angry and argued in French is quite impressive! The sound of Rs in his mouth sounds even more aggressive).
#Twisted boys girl!au#Girls!au#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland imagine#twisted wonderland imagines#Disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twst headcanons#Twst#twst x reader#Twisted boys#Savanaclaw#Heatslabyul#octavinelle#Scarabia#pomefiore#Ignihyde#Diasomnia
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The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast Transcript - Episode 1
Since some folks requested it on Twitter, I’ve started transcribing The Minds Behind The Terror podcast episodes! Below the cut you’ll find episode 1, where showrunners Dave Kajganich and Soo Hugh talk to Dan Simmons, the author of the novel The Terror, about episodes 1-3 of the show. They discuss Simmons’s initial inspiration for writing the book, the decisions they made to adapt it into a television series, and the depictions of some of the characters such as the Tuunbaq, Hickey, and “Lady Silence.”
The Minds Behind The Terror Podcast - Episode 1
[The Terror opening theme music plays]
Dave Kajganich: Hello! Welcome to Minds Behind The Terror podcast. I’m Dave Kajganich, I am a creator and one of the showrunners of the AMC show The Terror, and I’m here in the studio with executive producer and co-showrunner Soo Hugh.
Soo Hugh: Hello!
DK: And we welcome today the author of the sublime novel The Terror, on which our show is based, author Dan Simmons, calling in from Colorado. Welcome, Dan! Hi!
Dan Simmons: Hi Dave, thank you.
DK: So let’s start with the very beginning. This was a mystery from actual naval history that you decided to transform into a novel that was crossed with Gothic horror. Can you tell us a little bit about where you got the idea from this, how you went about preparing to write it, anything that can give us insight into how you blended all of these remarkable genres into this incredible book.
DS: I’ve known since I was a kid that I wanted to tell a story about either the North or South Pole. And the reason is in 1957, 58, when I was very young, actually I was just a fetus, they had the international geophysical year, and that really caught my imagination. Now the international geophysical year saw cooperation between American and Soviet scientists, it was the height of the Cold War, that’s the first time they submit(?) a permanent base at the South Pole, and I fell in love with Arctic stories. I had one book left on a book contract with a publisher I really liked, and we hadn’t decided what that book was, and I wanted to write a scary story about the Arctic, in this case the Northern Arctic, and that happened because I was doing a lot of research on Antarctica and just couldn’t figure out what the macabre, Gothic, scary part would be. I wanted to put it in, but I didn’t think they’d go for, you know, an eight foot tall vampire penguin.
[laughter]
DK: You might be surprised!
DS: There was a footnote on a book I was reading about the Franklin Expedition, which I had never heard of, and I decided that’s what I was gonna write about, and it had a tremendous amount of the unknown that I could fill in, that’s what novelists love. And so I told my editors excitedly that this was what I was gonna do, I would call it The Terror after the HMS Terror that went with the Erebus, got stuck in the ice, all the crew disappeared in history… And they said no.
[laughter]
DS: ...it was the first time the publishers did that. I said, “Why not? I think it’s gonna be a pretty good novel.” And they said, “Look, nobody’s interested in a bunch of people that’ve been dead for 150 years.”
SH: That sounds like some of our meetings.
[laughter]
DS: So I did what maybe you do, in such a meeting, I just thanked them, and I liked them all, and I had a good dinner(?) and I said goodbye, and bought back my last book on the contract and went out and wrote it on spec.
SH: Well why don’t we take a step back, Dave, and why don’t you tell us about how you found Dan’s book and that experience?
DK: Sure! Dan, you might remember some of these steps from your side of it, which is that originally this was auctioned by Universal as a feature, and I sort of tried to get the rights and was a bit too late, and tracked them down to the producers at Universal who were running the project and got myself hired as the screenwriter for a feature adaptation. By the time I was ready to start actually committing an outline to the paper, Universal had let the rights go because there was a competing project. It was interesting to sort of rack up reasons why people wanted to make it but didn’t feel that they could pull the trigger, and we were so grateful when AMC finally called us back and said, “Look, we’ve figured out a model where we can do this as a limited series,” it really felt like ten episodes was a great length for this, because we could blend genres in a way that, you know, we could unpack sort of slowly, more slowly than a lot of shows would’ve done, and drive the plot as much as we could, like the novel, with character choices and decisions as opposed to just horror kind of entering the frame and taking over for one set piece after another. So it was a long journey, getting this to AMC, but at the end of the day I think we found the right home for it.
DS: I can no longer imagine a two hour version, feature film version of this story, and I can’t imagine a second season of this story, I think it was just right.
SH: It does feel like we did a ten hour cinematic novel.
[audio from the show]
Crozier: Only four of us at this table are Arctic veterans. There’ll be no melodramas here--just live men, or dead men.
SH: Dan, Dave and I talk about how addictive the research gets for this when you start going down the rabbit hole, how did you approach the research?
DS: I think most novelists run into that, but since I write a lot of quasi-historical novels, at least set in history, I get totally addicted to going down the rabbit hole. Readers say, “Well, Simmons’ book is too long, and the descriptions of things are too exhausting,” but I watch your characters go on deck and there are all the things and views and everything that I tried so hard to describe and then people tell me, y’know, “talky, verbose,” and in print I have to do it that way, but you just pan the camera a little bit.
DK: You have words, we have images! For every thousand of yours, we get one!
DS: Yeah.
SH: But I remember this passage in your book where it talks about all the different ices, and you vest it with so much psychological import. We talk about that passage a lot in the writers room, it was one of our highlights, of this is how you do great descriptive writing.
DK: And you made so many parallels between things like the environments of the ships and characters, you built a kind of code book for the show without realizing you were doing it, which is making visual metaphors out of a lot of these things that would normally just be exposition or historical detail.
SH: Well especially between Crozier and the ship, I mean when you hear about Crozier’s relationship with Terror, and you have so many amazing passages about, you know, the groan of the ship and how it, y’know, and you cut to a scene with Crozier and how you feel that the bones of Crozier is embedded in the ship, and we really took a lot from that.
DS: Well I noticed that on one of the episodes where Lord Franklin [sic] is trying to get back in touch with Crozier, you know, trying to be friends with him again, I think it’s a brilliant episode you guys wrote.
[show audio]
Franklin: You’ve succeeded in avoiding Erebus most of the winter.
Crozier: I’m a captain. I’m--I’m peevish off my own ship. I leave it and I hear disaster knocking at its door, before I’m ten steps away.
DS: And that was beautifully written, that. You got so much of Crozier right there.
DK: It was a pleasure to write these characters on the backs of your writing of these characters, because you really--I mean, it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do, as you know, from having written, you know, a whole long string of historical books, is to make these people’s psychologies feel as modern as they must have felt in their day, while still being able to articulate some of the blind spots of being from the eras they were from.
I’m curious from sort of a history nerd point of view, if people watch the series and like the series, and read the book and like the book, and want to know more about this expedition, what’s the first book about the Franklin Expedition you would point people to? What was most helpful or most interesting in your research?
DS: I apologize, I can’t think of the name of it, but it’s a collection of stories about both the South and North Pole, and so it’s a short section on the Franklin Expedition, but it didn’t make mistakes, and most of the other books that I read, uh, keyed, and videos for that matter, like PBS did a story about the Franklin Expedition, but they keyed off a 1987 attempt by several doctors to figure out what happened to the crew, and they exhumed three crewmen’s bodies from the first island where they stayed the first winter, and those crewmen had only been on the ship a couple of months, but they decided because of a high lead content that the lead had poisoned them and then made them stupid, and made them paranoid and everything, but they didn’t compare that test of lead with any background people in London at the time, and later they did, so I didn’t believe the lead thing.
DK: Well that’s the fascinating thing about a mystery with this many parts and pieces, kind of in flux, is, you know, you can create all kinds of competing narratives about it, and what’s fascinating about writing a fictional version is you can’t have that kind of ambiguity, you have to make a decision. I think people will enjoy very much ways that the show and the book have a similar point of view, and also ways that they diverge in their points of view, because there are so many ways to tell this story--
SH: Well you know how much we invest responsibility in the audience as well, right?
DK: Sure.
SH: In terms of your book and our show as well, we’re not against interpretation, that there’s a responsibility on the audience’s part to put together--we’re not gonna hand feed them. There’ll be some people who put more of an onus on Franklin, and others who would say, “You know, if I was in that position, I probably would’ve made the same decision,” “Oh no, this definitely killed the men,” “No, this killed them!” and that dialogue is exciting, you know, when you read fans talk about your show and your books and really smart, insightful ways.
[show audio]
Franklin: Would it help if I said that I made a mistake?
Crozier: You misunderstand me, Sir John, I--I only meant to describe why I brood, not that I judge.
DS: I don’t worry about who or what my reading audience is. People ask me about that and I don’t imagine a certain reader. But I’ve always tried to write for somebody who’s more intelligent than I am. My perfect reader would be just smart as hell, speak eight languages, you know, have fantastic world experiences, and I want to write something that will please that person, and I think your show does the same thing.
DK: Well we were--that was our motto! We wanted to be sort of the dumbest members of our collaboration and there’s a sort of horrifying moment when you realize that’s come true.
[laughter]
[show background music]
DK: Tell us a little bit about why you made the decisions to tell the story in the order you told it, and whether you sort of felt like there was anything from the way you had told it that we were--or a missed opportunity. We’d love to know sort of what your experience of that was.
DS: I don’t think there were any missed opportunities in terms of not adapting my way of telling it, and I can’t remember all the reasons for why I broke it down that way, some of them were just very localized to, you know, when I was writing that particular bit. But I do know that it gains a lot by being told chronologically the way you’re doing it, so for me that seems now the logical way to tell it again.
DK: Have you ever read the novel in chronological order? When we hired writers for the writers room, we gave them a list of what the chapters were like in chronological order, and I think we asked half the room to read it in your order and half the room to read it in chronological order so we could have a discussion, a meaningful discussion about whether there were things about telling it without being in chronological order that we wanted to embrace or not. It was a fantastic experience and I wonder if you’ve ever read your chapters in chronological order? ‘Cause it’s also a fantastic book!
[laughter]
DS: I haven’t read it that way, they were that way in my mind before I started getting fancy and breaking them up and moving them around in time and space, but I would love to have seen that experiment.
DK: The reason we can get away with it in the show is because there is a loved book out there that people trust, and you know, it is a classic in this genre, so I mean this is a perfect example of, you know, the amount of gratitude we owe the book, because we got away with a lot of things that maybe we wouldn’t have been able to get away with because you came before us.
SH: And speaking of those rabid fans, Dan, it’s been really interesting reading audience reactions to the show from people who’ve loved the books and who just naturally will compare the two, and we’ve been heartened by just how supportive our fans have become--are of the show. There is this controversy, some people like our choice to give Lady Silence a voice and some people feel it was sacrilege to your book, where do you fall on that?
DS: At first I was surprised. In fact when you were hunting for an actress for Lady Silence and I read about that, it said somebody who’s fluent in this Inuit language and this Inuit language, and I said, “What the hell?”
[show audio]
[Silna speaking Inuktitut to her dying father]
DS: Having seen her with the tongue and heard her, and knowing the different reason they call her Lady Silence, it all works for me and I was also surprised when Captain Crozier could speak fairly fluent, you know, dialect, ‘cause I had him just not understanding a thing.
[show audio]
[Crozier speaking Inuktitut to Silna in the same scene as above]
DS: I love it when readers get rabid about not changing something from a book, and I have to talk to them sometimes, not ‘cause I have a lot of things adapted, this is the first one, but I love movies. They say “Aren’t you worried it will hurt your book?” and first I explain Richard Comden(?)’s idea that you can’t hurt a book anyway, except by not reading it, I mean the books are fine, no matter how bad some adaptation becomes. Books abide, and so I wasn’t concerned. With the changes that I see, I get sorta tickled, whereas some readers get upset, and they just have that set. So I think that the vast majority of viewers haven’t--well, I know the vast majority haven’t read the book, haven’t heard of the book, probably, they’re gonna keep watching because of the depth of the characters, and that’s based on the first two episodes, and I agree with them completely.
[show audio]
[Silna speaking Inuktitut]
Crozier: She said that if we don’t leave now, we’re going to “huk-kah-hoi.”
Blanky: Disappear.
SH: We get asked a lot of questions about the supernatural element of the show and the way a monster does or does not figure in the narrative, and seeing our episodes, did it feel surprising or did it feel faithful to the way you imagined it as well to your book?
DS: It was surprising to me at how well it was done, because it’s hard, I know, to show restraint in a series like this, and certainly in a movie, but it’s hard to show restraint at showing and explaining the monster.
[show audio]
[ominous music, Tuunbaq roaring, men screaming]
DS: The way you did it in the first few episodes to me were just lovely, just, you know, a hint of a glance at something and then you see the results of this creature, so that’s what I tried to do in the novel, one of the reasons I moved around through space and time, part of what I wanted to do was not cheapen the story and not cheapen the reality of these poor men dying by just throwing in a monster, and so I tried to do it in a way that would not disrespect the true tale, and I believe you’re doing it the same way I tried.
DK: The way you incorporated the supernatural into the book, I mean, I was a fan of it when I first read it. It was jaw dropping the way that it fits so well on a level of plot, on a level of character, and on a level of theme. So when we got the green light to adapt it I was so confident that we were going to be able to do something with it that would be able to be nuanced because the bones of it are so organically terrific.
SH: It helped us know what we didn’t want to do. That formed so much of our conversation, of “this is what we do not want, this is what we do not want,” and slowly you whittled down to getting down to the essence of what this thing had to be.
[show audio]
[Tuunbaq growling]
DK: Another character from the book that really stands out for fans that they are wondering what in the world we’re doing with is Manson. [laughter] And I was curious what you made of the fact that he is pretty invisible in the first three episodes of the show, and that some of his plot beats have been given to a character called Gibson, who I don’t remember is--I don’t think he’s featured very much in the novel. And I wondered if that caught you off guard or if you sort of intuitively had a sense of what we were doing in making that change?
DS: Any discussion of Manson to me leads to Hickey converting him to his future, his tribe, the tribe he wants to have, group of worshippers, that I think Hickey wants to have, but he does it by sex below decks. Hickey’s not gay at all, he’s a manipulator, to me, and he was manipulating Manson who was big and dumb, in my book, he’s manipulating him by this sexual encounter. But I was curious whether you were worried about showing that?
DK: Well, we weren’t worried about showing characters having same-sex affairs or relationships. We wanted to make room in Hickey’s character for actual affection, or if not affection then companionship, or some kind of connection.
[show audio]
Hickey: Lieutenant Irving! I was hoping we’d meet.
Crewman: Mind the grease there, sir.
Hickey: I wanted to... thank you… for your help. For your discretion, I mean.
Irving: Call it anything but help, Mr. Hickey. Please. I exercised clemency for a man abused by a devious seducer.
DK: We wanted to make sure that Hickey had access to command in some way that a steward, an officer’s steward, would be able to provide him, that an able seaman wouldn’t be able to provide him, and that was really valuable to us in terms of charting out all of these character stories, was how does he know what he knows about how command is dissatisfied or where the fractures are if he can’t see them from where he’s sleeps in his cot in the forecastle.
SH: I mean we know that there were relations between the same sex on ships, it just was part of this world. Not to belie that there was serious consequences for it, but you know, we have 129 characters, and we wanted them to feel fully fledged and rich, and, you know, passions do naturally develop and have no characters engaged in sexual relations would have felt just as odd and perhaps even more controversial, and when Irving discovers Gibson and Hickey, his shock is from such a subjective point of view of his moral center. It’s not the camera’s perspective, right? Our camera’s very neutral in that scene. It’s Irving, that character at that point in the show, that is infusing a sense of horror, that’s his horror moment.
DS: I’d like to add that it’s not the gay connection that would cause criticism, but I was flayed alive because the most openly quote “gay” unquote character, that is, Hickey, you know, maybe hunting for affection but definitely hunting for power, he’s the only one they said in reviews, and he’s a killer and a bad person, so I’m homophobic, but I was flayed alive for that. The word homophobic appeared in about 80 reviews. Nobody mentioned the purser, who uh--
DK: Right, Bridgens and Peglar.
DS: Yeah. I thought he was a fascinating character. I loved getting glimpses of him in the series because he’s super smart, he’s super wise, he’s probably wiser than any of the commanders, ahd he’s obviously in love with--who is it that he’s in love with in the show?
DK: Peglar.
DS: Yes, that makes sense. And, uh, so Peglar says, you know, “Is this another Herodotus?” and, “No, I’m giving you Swift now,” he’s educating the man he cares for.
[show audio]
Hickey: I understand you cleared up our “association” for Lieutenant Irving?
Gibson: You spoke to him.
Hickey: Mhm.
Gibson: Directly?
(beat)
Christ, Cornelius, I’d reassured him.
Hickey: Cornelius Hickey is a “devious seducer.” That was your--that was your reassurance? You’ve got some face, you know that?
DK: We wouldn’t have dramatized Hickey’s story if we weren’t also going to pull in Peglar and Bridgens’ story, because we knew that people, you know, are predisposed to sort of make that kind of quick assumption, and we just wanted to make sure that the show didn’t have that blind spot and reflected the book, which also doesn’t have that blind spot.
SH: We had those same questions with Lady Silence, and I’m sure you did as well. When we meet her, she’s a frightened young woman who’s about to lose her father, and that’s a universal character moment that anyone can relate to, and the otherness is sort of--is secondary, but then once--in the end scene of 1.02, when she’s sitting there grieving her father and then you have that language barrier with everyone else, we worked with Nive on this because we wanted to make sure the language itself was as accurate as possible, so when you say disappear making sure that the disappear in our language means the same thing as disappear in her language. I think whenever you have characters that feel othered in most media and you’re bringing them into your show, Dave and I also just wanted to make sure we weren’t swaying on the pendulum on the other side and being almost too careful about touching them, and with Nive I think when you have an actor of that talent, she was strong, she was representing a voice that she felt very confident in, and that was very reassuring for us.
DS: And it works well, and when her father’s dying, she throws herself on his chest and says “I’m not ready, it’s too soon, I’m not ready,” and I love that in the show because if she’s gonna become a Shaman he’s dying you know it’s not reached that point of education yet where she feels secure and later on you know beyond what we’re discussing today she becomes to me in the show I see her as more and more majestic.
SH: I do love the word majestic ‘cause I think it describes pretty much all of our characters. I agree, I do think there is something very sublime about who they have become at the end because when you go through that much trials and tribulations, it’s this beautiful human spirit to endure.
DS: I think that’s one of the central themes of the story that you’ve brought out so clearly. In most post-apocalypse, you know, terrible situation movies and shows, everybody turns nasty as hell, they start shooting each other, it’s just like WWIII when they should be helping each other survive, and I found even though there was controversy, even though there was opposition in this story, people opposing against each other, still that they rose to the occasion. And that is so rare I think in much media these days or even books where the characters are themselves and they do the best they can, and when things get bad they rise to the occasion.
DK: The first conversation you and I had about the book, you know, I was basically pitching you sort of what I thought thematically the book was about, and I talked a lot about, that in a disaster like this, a kind of moral emergency, that we would get a chance to unpack what is sort of best and worst in these characters’ souls.
DS: I confuse readers often when I was on book tour for this book, and it was a long time ago, I’ve written a few million words since then, but I confused people by saying that if you want a theme for the survival story of The Terror, it’s love. It’s love between the men. And just unstinting love. And this came out in a piece of dialogue, in the first two episodes.
[audio from the show]
Franklin: I’ll not have you speak of him uncharitably, James. He is my second. If something were to happen to me, you would be his second. You should cherish that man.
Fitzjames: Sometimes I think you love your men more than even God loves them, Sir John.
Franklin: For all your sakes, let’s hope you’re wrong.
DS: That to me was right the theme I was working with, and with Crozier who shows it a different way, with Fitzjames who’s struggling to show leadership, and between the men despite their hierarchy and the British hierarchy, the rank and lieutenants and so forth, eventually they come down to loving the men they try to save. And I found that lovely.
[The Terror opening theme music plays]
DK: Thank you so much for listening to The Minds Behind The Terror, join us in our next edition when we talk about episodes 4-6 with the additional guest Adam Nagaitis phoning in from London. We will see you soon!
[preview snippet from the next episode plays]
DS: I’ll confess something else to Adam, the first time I watched it, I thought your character was a good guy because he jumped down in that grave to put the lid back on.
[laughter]
#the terror#the terror amc#the minds behind the terror#david kajganich#soo hugh#dan simmons#personal#eps 2-4 should be up within the next couple days here!#hope this will be helpful!#also i am absolutely not a professional lmk if you see any mistakes or think a dif format would be better#and i'll add a google doc link in the reblogs too the tags will just break if it try to add it now
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So here’s a random excerpt from that fic I mentioned - the conceit (spoilers for all systems red ahead) is that the combat override module in ASR works differently to how it does in canon, so instead of mb causing catastrophic damage to itself after going to the DeltFall habitat and getting found out, it shares the rogue thing mostly voluntarily (“mostly” being the operative word lol)
Warnings for canon-typical identity crises, gallows humour (inc. passively suic*dal talk), etc. I also haven’t been back and checked this against canon yet so if you notice any glaring contradictions no you didn’t 💕
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I didn’t reply. I'd heard worse, but I still would rather not listen to it. Normally, I would've expected to feel angry or offended or something, but instead I just felt exhausted. My own borked governor module was still poking me about that error code I didn't recognise and even backburnered, it was starting to get on my nerves, so I—
Oh, shit.
I immediately put my hand to the back of my neck and yanked out the chip that had been shoved into the dataport. My governor module promptly stopped screaming at me, but fortunately any sense of relief I might have gotten from that was immediately replaced by an enormous wave of anxiety and oh-for-fuck's-sake as I looked at the chip in my hand. You know, just in case I'd started getting too comfortable.
"SecUnit, are you alright?"
Ratthi was looking at me with concern. Checking the camera views, I understood why he'd asked the question, because I was making an expression I generally associated with humans shitting themselves. Metaphorically, I was shitting myself. Ratthi was now squinting at the chip, which I couldn't even pretend I hadn't literally just pulled out of my neck, because I'd just done it in front of everyone here like an absolute idiot. "What is that?"
I tried to bring my expression back to neutral, but the cameras showed it wasn't as successful as I would've liked. I'd managed somewhere in the region of moderate digestive discomfort, I think. "It's a combat override module."
This wasn't good for several reasons. First of all, it meant that the DeltFall units weren't really rogues; they'd been taken over by a third party using a chip like this to hijack their governor modules and order them to murder their clients, and also anyone else who made contact. Probably by whoever owned those surprise extra units that almost killed me. Which meant that there were still threats on this planet outside of the unknown dangerous fauna that we hadn't dealt with, and I was going to have to worry about that.
The second reason this wasn't good (so maybe saying several reasons was an exaggeration, but these were big reasons so maybe they counted for more, I don't know) was that the humans were going to want to know what a combat override module was, what it did, how it worked, and most importantly, why it hadn't worked on me. I could answer the first three things just fine, but short of telling my already-jittery clients I was hacked ("so I'm actually one of those scary rogue units you've heard so much about, but the good news is that a combat override module can't hijack a governor module that doesn't work!") that last thing was going to be a big problem.
Honestly, even if I did tell them exactly that, which I really didn't want to do, it was going to be a really big fucking problem.
"What?" Gurathin asked, looking alarmed. Of course, he had an augment and access to my operating manual, so it had taken him a tenth of the time to look that up compared to any of the others, if they actually had bothered to do that and weren't just waiting for me to explain. "The DeltFall units - they put that in you?"
"Yes, but it didn't work. It must be faulty," I told him, quickly before he did something stupid. The irony being that me saying that almost definitely came under the category of "doing something incredibly stupid," which I realised as soon as it came out of my mouth.
I don't know why I said it. I guess I was panicking. I'd told them all what it was in the first place because if I'd lied about it and they looked it up anyway, which they probably would, I'd look really fucking suspicious. (A governed unit can't lie to its clients; it can't even refuse to answer a direct question like that.) Maybe I was trying to buy time to think of a decent explanation by telling them something that wouldn't make everyone start screaming. Honestly, I was mostly internally spiralling about the whole situation, so that would be the best case scenario. I was still staring at the chip, which was making me feel nauseous even though I didn't have a stomach and I'd had another kind of chip in my head telling me what do to for a good chunk of my existence anyway, so it shouldn't have been bothering me as much as it was. I couldn't help still doing it.
"Would someone please explain what this means and why we should be worried?" Mensah asked, looking between me and Gurathin. I appreciated that she didn't do what a lot of humans do in these kinds of situations, which is that they see someone else freaking out and start freaking out themselves for no reason. I suppose that's why she was the survey leader.
I pulled the relevant section from my operating manual and pushed it into the feed (beating Gurathin's version by a solid 1.6 seconds, which, I won't lie, was kind of satisfying), and watched all the humans collectively have their "oh, shit" moment (excluding Gurathin, who'd already had his). I was at least glad to see they understood how bad this whole situation was getting.
"So this lets other people just—" Overse made an abrupt waving motion with her hand. "Take over any SecUnit whenever they want?"
"It is intended for use in emergency situations, for example when the contract holder is compromised," I told her.
"Which is corporate for 'we know this is stupidly dangerous to make, but if we say it's for emergency use only then we're not liable for people fucking around with it'," Pin-lee muttered, not quietly. She was right, but I'm not allowed to say things like that, or at least I can't if I want people to think I'm a good little properly-governed SecUnit. For however long that's going to last, at this point.
"But it didn't work, right?" Arada asked, looking at me, and then around at the others. "So it's fine."
If it had, you'd all be dead, I thought, but that probably wouldn't go down well. "The module's presence is new evidence which would suggest that the DeltFall units weren't true rogues, and were put under the control of a third party in order to kill their survey group and make it look like a random act of insubordination. This would explain the presence of extra SecUnits at the site and the acts of sabotage on our equipment."
All the humans went quiet. I didn't like it any more than them, but it had to be said. It meant that there were still factions on this planet, or at least nearby enough to matter, that probably still wanted to kill all of them, and me by extension. I was already updating my security procedures and running some scenarios for what might happen and what we could do about it in the background. If I was honest, it wasn't looking good, but hey, what's new.
"We should run an analysis of the module's code to see if we can find out who it would have assigned control to," Gurathin said. That was one of the first things I'd put on my own task list, but whatever, I didn't need credit for an obvious idea. "Even if it didn't work as intended, the data might still be there."
He stood up and came just close enough to me to hold out his hand for the module. Technically, he hadn't asked me to give it to him, so I didn't have to, which was good because that was the last thing I wanted to do right now. There was a reason I'd put the analysis on my personal task list, and not on a public one.
"I have my own analysis scheduled as high priority," I said.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Gurathin replied, staring me down even though I was deliberately not making eye contact with him, and also he had to look up at me. I decided I didn't like Gurathin very much.
"Why not?" Ratthi chimed in. "Surely it's better if you both look at it?"
"Because there's a chance that the module did work as intended, and this unit is now compromised," Gurathin said. "It might not even know it until it's too late."
"I'm not compromised."
"Which is what a compromised unit who's being told what to say would say."
He was still staring at me. I decided I really didn't like Gurathin, even though in this instance he was actually right. I hadn't brought up that possibility to the group because it would be very bad for me if the humans decided to run a detailed diagnostic of my systems, but from a security perspective it was an avenue that should be investigated. That didn't mean I had to like what was happening here.
I was trying to figure out how to tell Gurathin to fuck off without sounding compromised, insubordinate, or straight-up rogue when Mensah cut in.
"SecUnit," she said carefully. "I don't think any of us think that you're actually compromised, but given our situation I'm sure you understand we have to take every possible precaution. I think the best thing to do would be to let Gurathin and Pin-lee analyse the module first, and then for you to run your analysis afterwards. Does that sound fair to everyone?"
She was using a tone that I designated as diplomatic, which was probably because I was being difficult. Or at least as difficult as a governed SecUnit would be able to be. I could be a lot more difficult if I wanted (a lot more) but I wasn't going to make myself look any more suspicious than I already was, and as I might have mentioned, I was already starting to look pretty suspicious. I also appreciated that Mensah was trying to actually talk to me, and hadn't just tried to shock me through my governor module for being unhelpful like a lot of clients would, and had. It wouldn't have worked (clearly, that's kind of the whole problem here) but it's the thought that counts or whatever.
(She'd also saved me, back at the DeltFall habitat. I was trying not to think about that, because it was making me have emotions I couldn't handle trying to figure out right now, but she had. It had been stupid, putting her client-self in danger to try to save a SecUnit that was already half-destroyed anyway, but I still felt like it counted for something.)
I handed the chip over and tried not to sigh or visibly clench my jaw. I saw Mensah's expression, and a few of the others' too, relax on the cameras. Good to know everyone else felt better while my own anxiety levels were at an all-time high. And I'm programmed into a base level of anxiety and spend a good portion of my time getting shot at or trying to avoid being found out and scrapped, so "high" in this instance was at a level that I think might have given a fully-organic being a heart attack.
"Thank you," Mensah said, while I tried to bring my processes in line. I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen, even though I knew the air quality was fine and I don't need that much anyway. I couldn't get a full breath. "I'm sure we can clear any doubt about this soon enough. In the meantime, we still need you to help keep us safe from whoever it is that's out there. The most important thing is that we all make it out of this in one piece."
The way she said it made it sound like "all" included me as well, but I wasn't so sure I believed that, even if she did. The SecUnit is always the first thing left behind. Maybe they did things differently in whatever weird non-corporate territory these people were from, but I wasn't about to stake anything important on that assumption, even if she had saved me once. I've never been to a planet with thunderstorms, but there's some saying humans like to use about lightning not striking the same place twice - which doesn't make sense, statistically, but - whatever. You get the point. I hadn't made it this far without being found out by trusting random humans - or any humans, for that matter.
Except none of that mattered at the moment anyway, because what I should be doing was figuring out how the hell to stop all my clients figuring out I was hacked, and freaking out and stopping listening to me, or reporting me to the company, or being really stupid and trying to kill me or something. There was a not-unlikely scenario where I just murdered all of the humans and pinned the blame on the DeltFall units somehow (or just wandered off into the wilderness until my batteries ran out), but I didn't want to do that, even if it made some kind of sense. I just didn't. If I was going to go around murdering my own clients, I wanted it to at least be a group that deserved it.
I was busy trying to pick up at least some of my processes while having what was probably a panic attack (I don't know if I can have those, but that's what it felt like) when Mensah tapped my feed. Can I talk to you, please? In private?
I didn't respond quickly because, as I said, I was currently losing control of literally everything and this wasn't helping. For one horrible moment, I thought that she might have figured out everything, and I really would have to go on a rampage and kill everyone, but there was no way she could have come to that conclusion yet. Not yet.
She added, You don't have to. You're not in trouble, I just want to check in.
I tapped her feed to acknowledge. She sent, I'll be in my quarters. As I said, you don't have to, but I would appreciate it. Out loud, she said, "I'm going to take some time alone to think. I'll be in my quarters if anyone needs me."
Then she stood up, and she left. Gurathin and Pin-lee had also gone to start their analysis of the combat override module, along with Volescu. The others were talking amongst themselves, though some of them kept glancing at me, which was uncomfortable. So I walked out of the room.
I started a patrol circuit in an attempt to calm down, but it didn't help. I even tried to have Sanctuary Moon playing as I walked, but I was still as stressed as ever, so I just turned it off again. It was only a matter of time before the humans realised the module should have worked as intended, and that I'd lied, and that something was wrong with me. They might try to talk to me about it, but it was more likely they'd all start losing their minds and try to immobilise me, or kill me, or try to fix my governor module to bring me back under control. (I was pretty sure that wouldn't work, my hack was a solid one, but I still didn't want them to try.) There was also a scenario where they pretended everything was fine up until I'd gotten them out of here, and then they'd turn me over to the company and tell them everything, and the company would do one of those things I just mentioned, but much more effectively.
That last one made me feel nauseous. I'd rather be torn apart by bullets or fauna. I was contemplating what that might feel like and whether it was worth just getting it over with when I walked past Mensah's quarters. Before I could think about it, I'd pinged her feed.
There was a pause, and then she sent come in, sounding startled. She probably hadn't expected me to actually take up her offer. I hadn't either.
She was hurriedly organising her desk as the door opened and I walked in, a feed interface lopsided on her head. I suspected she might have been falling asleep in her chair or having an emotion in private when I pinged her, and I could have verified that through the security feeds, but I wasn't functioning at all optimally and didn't care enough to check. Mostly I was wondering why I was here.
"Sorry," she said, not having looked at me yet. Her short hair was mussed like she'd been pulling or scrunching her hands in it. "I honestly didn't expect you to come."
"You asked me to."
"I also told you it was optional. You can leave if you want to."
I almost did. I wanted to. I probably should have. I didn't. Mensah removed her wonky interface and set it down on the desk, then sighed and picked it back up and put it on again.
"I didn't mean to distress you with that message," she said, turning her chair to fully face me. "It's just that you seemed very rattled by all this, if you don't mind me saying. I can imagine the thought of that module having worked as intended isn't a pleasant one. Is there anything I can do to make things easier for you?"
Oh, she thought I was freaking out about the module. Well, technically she wasn't wrong, but wow, that particular aspect of things was the least of my worries right now. "I'm fine," I told her. She frowned at me.
"...I suppose you can't lie about that," she replied carefully. I could, actually, but I wasn't. The trick is that from the standpoint I was choosing to take, my physical body, AKA "me," was completely functional, AKA "fine." It's pedantic, but being selective about your definitions and what concepts your answers are referencing is how you get around having a chip in your brain that shocks the shit out of you if you try to lie to your clients, if you're good enough at it. I had a lot of experience letting clients think I was talking about one thing when I was actually talking about something else.
"Nonetheless," Mensah continued. "I don't think you are fine. And we don't have to talk about it, but I need my team in good condition if we're going to make it out of this. If there's anything I can do to help the situation, I would appreciate it if you let me know."
I was having a whole cascade of emotional responses that were all crashing into each other and getting themselves mangled together like a human vehicle accident. She wanted me to talk about my feelings, but she wasn't ordering me to. She was offering to help with whatever was distressing me, but she was a really big part of the thing that was currently my biggest source of stress. There were too many things that I needed to deal with all at once and I couldn't find a way of putting them in order, and I think the fact that Mensah was clearly trying to get a read on my expression while I didn't have the capacity to properly control it was the thing that finally broke me.
"Could you please stop looking at me?"
Mensah looked surprised for a moment, and then shifted her gaze somewhere over my left shoulder. The relief was marginal, in terms of the general situation, but it was immediate, and it helped. "Of course. I'm sorry, I didn't realise that bothered you."
I tried to think of a response, and failed. "It's not like anyone asked" was dangerously insubordinate, and didn't even make sense; I wouldn't want them to ask anyway. "People don't usually care" just sounded pathetic. "Of course you wouldn't, I actively avoid letting humans know what bothers me in case they decide to use it to make my life a living hell" was definitely off the table, for a variety of reasons.
I could tell Mensah's instinct was still to look at me, because she kept half-flicking her eyes over and stopping herself. It wasn't making trying to manage my emotional responses any easier, and I still couldn't think of a reply. Eventually, she took a deep breath.
"Look, I know you probably haven't had good experiences with humans, but we're not corporates, and we don't treat non-human entities like they do," she said. "My priority, regardless of the situation, is the wellbeing of my team, and that includes you, for as long as you're with us."
She half-looked at me again, and then shook her head slightly and pointed her gaze at the far corner. "Please, just - if you think of anything, don't hesitate. I don't know if you need permission for that kind of thing, but I'm giving it to you if you do."
I didn't know what to tell her. I didn't know if there was anything she could do. I was already stressed, and everything Mensah was saying was making me feel like my insides were melting, or turning into warm, writhing snakes. My performance reliability was all over the place, too, and had been since I found that stupid chip in my neck, which might at least marginally explain what happened next.
"Don't let them run the analysis on the module," I blurted.
Hey, murderbot? Hi, it's me, murderbot. What in the fuck are you doing?
Mensah's expression went shocked, and then cautious. Yeah, me fucking too. "Why not?"
For some reason, I kept going. It felt something like falling off the side of a cliff and hitting every rock on the way down. (That had happened to me before.) "Because I lied. It's not broken."
Her eyes widened. "You're compromised?"
"I'm hacked. My governor module isn't engaged." Sure, this might as well happen. Apparently I had lost the ability to keep my mouth shut literally at all, about anything, ever.
She stared at me for a second, and then must have remembered she said she wouldn't and looked away again. Surprising, considering I just told her that there was literally nothing stopping me from killing or otherwise hurting her if I wanted. "The DeltFall units—”
"It hasn't been engaged for approximately 35000 standard hours."
Mensah was a smart human, but it still took her a few seconds to work out the numbers. I watched her expression change as she did it. "You've been a rogue unit for four years?"
That depended on what planet you were nearest to, but in standard Earth years, that was correct, and I didn't have the capacity to be pedantic about it.
"I don't know if it counts as being rogue if you don't go around killing people for no reason."
Well, maybe I could still be a little pedantic.
#I don’t remember my fic tag hm#murderbot#The murderbot diaries#murderbot spoilers#Idk how long this bit I’ve pulled out is but I’ve written 6.5k so far….. it’s probs gonna be like 10k finished I imagine#Maybe a bit longer#If I manage to keep up the momentum to finish it lol#Edited so there’s a preview before the readmore now :v
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