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risingwiththeheatabove · 1 year

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A Little Honey - Chapter 3 - Strange Horizons

Pairing: Josh X Reader

Series list

Warnings for series: 18+, Alcoholism, toxic parents, domestic abuse, drug use, alcohol use, explicit sexual content, NSFW, smut, unprotected sex, fingering, oral, blood kink, praise kink, daddy kink, and probably so much more that I am forgetting

Word Count 5.2K

August 2021

From Josh

We have a show in Franklin this week. The guys and I would love to have you and Nora there. There will be a small after party that you are welcome to stay for. Just let me know and I can get you all set up with our security team.

To Josh

That sounds incredible! We will be there! What day is it on so we can both request off work?

From Josh

Oh I guess I forgot the date. Haha. It is on Thursday the 5th. I can not wait to see you.

To Josh

I will be thinking about it all week.

Nora and you were both able to switch shifts to get Thursday night off. Debbie even ended up giving you Friday off just in case you needed to recover from the festivities. Debbie had been trying to get you to go out ever since you started working for her. She was always concerned you were too much of a hermit. She was happy to hear you had plans with someone other than just Nora for once.

Thursday rolled around quickly. You and Nora decided to enjoy your morning off by getting breakfast at your favorite cafe. You sat out on the patio enjoying your iced coffee and smoothie bowls. As you walked back to your apartment, anxiety began to creep back in. Nora could tell you were not yourself.

“Hey can you help me pick my outfit for tonight?” She asked. You knew she did not need your help. She has probably had an outfit planned since you told her on Monday. Not to mention she was always the more fashionable of the two of you. You knew she was trying to help calm your nerves so you agreed you would help each other find something to wear.

Nora grabbed three options from her closet. They had already been displayed on the hangers. No doubt she had them ready for several days.

“Which one?” She asked as she lay them all on the bed.

“I like the pants and jacket from this one.” You said as you grabbed a pair of black pressed trousers and a royal blue velvet fitted blazer. You jumped up and grabbed a t-shirt out of your closet. It was a white Jimi Hendrix Tee that had a psychedelic colorful pattern on the front. “How about this shirt instead?”

“That is way cooler than what I had planned!” She laughed as she accepted the shirt. She quickly changed and modeled the outfit for you. “I may need to borrow some shoes to go with the cool girl aesthetic.”

“Docs or Chelsea boots?” You asked pulling both options from your closet.

“Surprise me!”

You toss her the Chelsea boots. She slips them on completing the look. You check the time. 12:50. You still had hours to kill before heading to the concert. You huff and throw your phone on the bed.

“Let’s find you an outfit then we can go grab some drinks before the show. A little liquid courage never hurt!” Nora suggested.

“That sounds really nice!” You agreed with a nervous laugh.

You ended up going with a black mini slip dress with lace detailing. It had a deliciously placed slit that came up the front of your thigh. Adding black sheer tights, and your favorite black docs. Playing with your jewelry you mixed some delicate gold and silver chains and rings. You decided to wear your hair down again, finishing the look with a light Smokey eye and blush. Nora finished her look with a textured bob, statement hoops, mascara and a nude pink lip.

You pick a bar not to far from the venue that had decent reviews. As you drive to the bar you pass the venue.

“Wow I didn’t know they were that popular!” Nora said, repeating exactly what you were thinking. People were camped out on the concrete with sleeping bags and chairs. You knew they had gained popularity through TikTok, but you hadn’t know to this extent.

You get to the bar, unsure of what your luck would be trying to find parking at the venue. You decide to park at the bar for the evening. You both take a fancy shot of Nora’s choice and order a cocktail each before closing out.

“I needed that!” You say hugging into Nora as you walk to the venue. The doors didn’t open for another hour but you Josh asked that you be there early. You find the side entrance as instructed. Here you are quickly meet with the head of security. They give you each a “Crew” pass and tell you to stay out of the way of the actual crew. You nod in agreement as they hastily rush you to the green room.

“The guys are in here, it opens from the inside unless you have a key so don’t get locked out.” Security states as he scans the key to pop the door open. You thank them as you walk into the room.

“Hey you made it!” Danny said walking up to Nora giving her a bear hug. You shoot her a quizzical look and note this interaction to discuss later.

“Can I get you ladies a drink?” Sam asks as he pulls you into a side hug. As always with a cocktail in hand.

“That depends on who the bartender is.” You say with a wink.

“It’s pretty hard to mess up a jack and coke!” He whines back.

“I am sure you could find a way!” You hear Jake’s voice enter from the door. Jita follows behind waving. You greet them both with a hug.

“Where is Josh?” slips passed your lips with out thinking.

“Don’t worry, he will be here soon.” Jita says with a big smile.

“One thing you will have to learn about Josh, well all of us really. Is that we are always late. If you want us to be on time, lie! Tells us that dinner will be at 4 if you want us there before 7.” Sammy explains.

Everyone laughs and Sam hands Nora and you each a questionable jack and coke. You sit and discuss what everyone has been up to. They are excited for the upcoming shows and eventual tour. You finish your drinks and get comfortable on the green room couch.

“Have you guys heard from Y/N?!” Josh questions in a very animated fashion while he barges through the door. He freezes for half of a second when he sees you. You could have sworn a slight blush came across his cheeks. “Why hello!” He says cheerfully with a big toothy grin. He opens his arms inviting you in for a hug. Standing from the couch you walk over and find yourself wrapped in a tight embrace. He smells divine. He is wearing a white jumpsuit with embroidered colorful feathers along his leg and chest. The whole suit is studded with silver rhinestones. An additional white, sheer tule jumpsuit is worn over the top with even more rhinestone embellishments. He looked ethereal, celestial even. A stark contrast with your dark feminine energy.

“You look absolutely amazing Josh.” You speak softly still wrapped in his arms.

“You are too sweet Honey.” He responds in a bashful tone. “Look at you!” He theatrically gestures to your outfit as you unwrap from one another. Now causing you to blush. “A true rocker goddess stands in front of me!”

“No body has complemented my outfit!” Sam chimes in. He does a quick spin and places his hands on his hips to pose.

“Cedric is about to start his set. Does anyone want to join me?” Hannah asks as she peaks her head through the door. The guys all insist on staying in the green room, so it leaves the four girls to go watch the opening acts. You find reserved seats on Jake’s side of the stage. The opening acts were fantastic and your company was even better. You enjoyed dancing and laughing with the girls. You all got along so easily. The sun had set and the warm Tennessee night encircled you. You began to feel the butterfly’s in your stomach as the boys were about to take the stage.

“I am going to go smoke before the guys come on. Does anyone care to partake?” Hannah asked as she took out a small joint.

“Oh hell yeah!” You respond.

“I will pass.” Nora didn’t smoke often but when she did it normally ended up in a state of panic.

“I will stay with Nora.” Jita said placing a hand on Nora’s shoulder.

Hannah finds you guys a spot back stage. You pass the joint back and forth while you talk.

“So… what’s up with you and Josh?” She says with a suspicious smile. You pause for a second not sure what to say. “Not that its any of my business.” She quickly adds when she sees you thinking on your response.

“I am not really sure if I am being honest. We text like friends, but when we see each other in person…”

“…It’s more than friendly.” She finishes your sentence shooting you a wink.

“Mainly harmless flirting. I am really not sure if he is interested. The guys all seem to be pretty flirty.” You shrug your shoulders slightly embarrassed for admitting you care if Josh is interested in you. You take the last hit and stomp out the stinger.

“Josh doesn’t text people. If he is texting you back, he is interested! Again its none of my business, but I think everyone can tell you guys have chemistry.”

You see the lights dim and soft intro music begins to play. You both run back to your seats giggling like high schoolers who just got away with smoking in the bathroom.

You grab Nora’s hand as you see the boys take the stage. You all scream cheers of excitement as you hear the opening notes of Heat Above. The whole show is magical. The boys are all elevated versions on themselves on stage. Jake makes cute nods to Jita through out the evening. Sam sends a few waves in Hannah’s direction. You stood there wishing you and Josh had what they did. Nora would squeeze your hand when she saw you going into your head. You would squeeze back as if to say thank you. Even though their newest album hadn’t been out long, you already knew all of the words. You sang along through out the entire show, to the extent you thought you might lose your voice. When they left the stage the first time Jita motioned for everyone to follow her. You all joined hands and ran back stage. The boys were exhausted grabbing a quick water and catching their breath before the encore. You got there just before they retook the stage. Josh’s eye caught you as he was running up the stairs. He blew you a quick kiss followed by his classic smile. Nora hugged you from behind in excitement for you. The girls lead you to side stage to watch the boys finish off the show. You stood there in absolute bliss. This night was entirely perfect.

You all waited backstage for the guys to come off stage. You were practically vibrating with joy as you saw sweaty Josh run down the stairs. He picked you up in a hug spinning you around as you both chuckle at the intimacy of the moment. He sets you down, placing his hands on your hips. Yours around the back of his neck. With your body’s still touching he pauses staring at your lips. You watch his as he bites his bottom lip gently. You make eye contact with him and a smile is plastered on his face. You can not help but smile back at him. He is glowing. His forehead meets yours and you feel every breath he takes.

“Honey, have you been smoking the devil’s lettuce?” He softly teases into your ear. You both continue to giggle in your embrace.

“Hey maybe you guys should do that further from the stage.” Danny yells playfully. “Unless you want an army of angry teenagers to find her!”

Josh grabs your hand and runs you back to the green room. He pours you both a drink while the rest of the group files in behind you.

“So what now?” Nora said as she entered the room with Danny.

“Now we PARTY!” Sam exclaimed.

“First we shower!” Jake said throwing a towel at his younger brother. Sam grabbed it sticking his tongue out at Jake.

“Us girls will stay here while the guys get cleaned up!” Jita explained.

“I won’t be gone long Honey.” Josh said placing a kiss on your cheek and handing you your drink.

“Hurry back Sugar.” You said while offering a short slap to his ass as he walked away. He jumped cheerfully as he left the room with the other guys.

You made your way to sit back on the couch next to Hannah and Jita. Nora was looking in the mirror fixing her hair.

“So…” You pause getting Nora’s attention. She looks at your reflection in the mirror but does not turn around. She knows what is coming. “You and Danny seem…”

“Y/N STOP! We are just the two single ones of the group! Do not turn this into something more!” Nora barks back.

“I am single! Josh is single!” You retort.

“You guys don’t look single!” Jita adds, shyly hiding her face in her drink immediately after speaking.

“Obviously I like Josh, but right now we are just friends!”

“…Friends with benefits?” Nora asks in a mischievous tone.

“The night is young…” You reply in a similar tone.

The whole room erupts into laughter. You were falling for Josh, hard and fast. Though you had only been friends for a few weeks it felt much longer. You connected so effortlessly. You spent most days texting about silly details of your day. He would recommend a movie for you to watch and you would recommend him a book. Your music taste was similar though his was much more in-depth. Occasionally exchanging flirtatious text that never amounted to anything. You were unsure where you stood with Josh. You knew you wanted him in your life at least as a friend. You could settle for friendship. But you longed for more.

“Jake just text me, they are heading to the van.” Jita said interrupting the conversation.

“Well ladies lets go!” Hannah said as her and Jita lead you both out of the room and towards the van.

As you approached the van you noticed all the guys had changed into there usual styles. Josh wore his classic white t-shirt, khaki pants and vans. His face slightly pink from the activities of the evening as well as the heat. He wrapped his hand around your waist and guided you into the van. You held his hand pulling him closer to you as you both sat down. His head rested on your shoulder. “Are you tired?” You asked as you softly ran a hand through his hair. He hummed turning into you. His nose brushing your neck.

“A little. It’s been so long time since we preformed. I am out of shape.” He said softly into you neck.

“You don’t look out of shape.” You coo back. He reaches over placing his hand on your upper thigh offering a light squeeze between him thumb and forefinger. You can not see it but you know you are both smiling. Josh melts into you for the short ride to the after party. The van stops and he lets out a slight sigh as he hears the door open. He lifts his head offering you another kiss on the cheek grabbing your hand once more to guide you out of the vehicle.

“Come on Hannah lets show Y/N the bar!” Sammy says. Hannah and Sam wrap one of their arms around each of yours and quickly sweep you away from Josh.

Josh offers an annoyed “HEY!?” As he slaps Sam on the back of the head.

You look back at him and mouth “Sorry.” Between the drinks and the weed consumed earlier in the evening you had a decent cross fade going. You knew you had to pace yourself to enjoy the remainder of the night. You ordered a water which Sam met with disappointment.

“Not everyone drinks as much as you Samuel!” Josh approached the bar placing a hand on the small of your back as he neared. You leaned into his touch. Nora and Jita joined the group at the bar.

“Did you guys have a good time?” Danny asked directing the question to Nora and yourself.

“You guys were fucking awesome! Best concert I have ever been to!” You respond a little too quickly. A slightly more sober you would have been embarrassed.

“It was really fun even if I didn’t know any of the songs!” Nora said comically.

“Y/N you knew every song! I was impressed! I don’t think I even have the new album memorized.” Hannah said light heartedly.

You felt Josh’s body tense as he removed his hand from your back.

“WAIT Y/N, You are a fan?!” Sam said flabbergasted, throwing his arms in the air.

“She is a huge fan!” Nora responded for you. She could see the embarrassment across your face. Josh pulled away further repositioning himself closer to Jake.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Jake asked.

“It just never came up.” You shrugged taking a sip of your drink to hide slightly. Your face must have been a vibrant pink.

Extremely aware of Josh’s sudden change in demeanor. Josh scuffed and walked away joining a group of what you gathered were mainly crew. Nora shot you a confused look, one in which you returned.

“If you guys will excuse me…” You say softly breaking the group to look for the bathroom. Nora follows noticing your changing mood.

“Are you good?” She asks as you enter the bathroom.

“Did you notice Josh? How he changed back at the bar?” You say with slight panic in your voice.

“Hey, what happened?”

“I have no clue Nora! All of the sudden things felt different.” You were trying to focus on your breathing to stay calm but you could tell something switched in him.

“Hey, Hey. Stay with me. You are probably just over thinking things. It’s fucking Chris’s fault. You always had to be so aware and on edge around him. But you don’t have to do that with Josh. He is a good guy Y/N. Don’t get in your head.” Nora rubbed your shoulders as she talked you down.

“You are probably right. It’s probably nothing.” You said not fully believing what you were saying.

You both rejoined the group, Josh was still away talking with the crew. Everyone else seemed like themselves. You figured Nora was right and continued to enjoy your time with them. You all danced and laughed and celebrated the world slowly starting to open back up. Several hours passed with not even a glance from Josh. As the festivities died down you were extremely intoxicated. You did not pace your self well but instead decided to try and keep up with Sammy. Bad idea. Nora the only sober one of the group carried you back to the van when it was time to go. You spent the entirety of the van ride telling the group how much you loved them and how lucky you felt to call them friends. Everyone reciprocated the sentiments. Everyone expect Josh. He didn’t say a word. The van returned you to the venue and drove off. Josh slipped away to quickly for anyone to know where he was heading. Sam and Hannah said their goodbyes heading back to their hotel. Leaving just Nora, Danny, Jita, Jake and yourself.

“Shit!” Nora said as she searched her purse for the keys.

“What’s wrong?” Danny asked coming to her aid.

“Oh nothing I just forgot we walked here from the bar. She won’t be able to walk back like that so I will have to get the truck and come back for her.” Nora explained.

“That’s fine, I will set her up in the green room and she will be taken care of until we get back. I will walk with you. You do not need to be walking alone this late at night.” Danny said as he got Jita to help take care of you.

“I will be back for her shortly. Thank you guys!” Nora said as her and Danny made their way toward the bar.

“Alright Y/N lets get you some water and a place to lay down!” Jita said as she and Jake helped walk you back towards the green room. Cursing yourself for drinking too much you repeatedly thanked them for helping you.

“What are friends for?” Jake said sweetly.

You entered the green room unaware Josh was sitting across the room fiddling with a few of his things. They sat you down on the couch and gave you a bottle of water. Jita sat next to you while Jake joined his brother. You closed your eyes and layed on your side. You were in and out of sleep, but you caught bits of the room’s conversation.

“I think she had a little too much fun.” Jake said jokely tapping his brother on the back.

“Why is she still here?” Josh spit back at him.

You wanted to spring up and leave but your body began drifting back to sleep.

“What is your fucking problem?” Jake questioned Josh, waking you once more.

“Shut up guys she is awake!” Jita whispered harshly.

You fell back to sleep. The next time you woke up you could have sworn you were alone. You sat up reaching for your water that had long since fallen off of the couch. You stood up but betrayed by your legs, resembling that of a new born deer. You huffed falling defeated back into the couch.

“Where you ever going to tell me you are a fan?” Josh asked softly from across the room. Causing you to jump slightly and your breath to catch in your chest.

“Shit you scared me.” You said with a hand on your chest trying to steady your breathing. “Um yeah, I guess eventually. It just never felt like the right time.” You manage to stumble though your words.

“So you were just going to lie to me until then?”

“What? I never lied to you Josh! Nobody ever asked me!” Your face was starting to grow red with anger. “Why the fuck does it mater so much to you?”

“I don’t get involved with fans Y/N.” He said sharply unable to look you in the eyes.

“Is that really what all of this…” you said throwing your hands around frantically. “… is about?!”

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Then fucking enlighten me Josh!” You yell back.

He stepped towards you and opens his mouth to speak. Just then the door opens. Nora and Danny walk in with concerned faces. Surely they heard you.

“Lets fucking go Nora!” You barked as you stood up too quickly. She caught you on one side and Danny on the other.

“Is everything okay?” She asked in a hushed tone. Your eyes began to well up so you hid your face. That was answer enough.

“I can take her from here Danny.” Nora said.

“I will help you get her out to the truck.” Danny insisted. Nora realized she would probably need the help given your essentially non functioning lower extremities.

They carry you out to the truck. You try to hide your now flowing tears with your hair. Setting you inside and buckling you in. Danny pats you on your head gently and closes the truck door.

“What the hell did we walk into?” Danny asked Nora.

“I have no clue but I will talk to her if you talk to Josh?”

“Deal.” Danny said hugging her goodbye.

Nora started the truck reaching over to hold your hand. You turned your head away and closed your eyes. She placed a kiss to the top of your hand to comfort you before pulling out of the venue driveway.

The ride home was silent besides your occasional sniffle. Nora didn’t ask questions. She knew you were in no state to talk. She was hoping the situation in the green room could be blamed on too much alcohol consumption. She helped you into your apartment and slipped off your boots. Before she could get you into pajamas you were already asleep on your bed. She threw a blanket over you and set a glass of water on your nightstand. She slept in your bed as well to keep an eye on you.

You woke up to sound of the front door opening.

“Coffee delivery!” Nora yelled as she entered the kitchen with a tray of drinks and greasy breakfast food from your favorite diner.

You fell to you feet adjusting your dress and removing the hair from your mouth. You looked in the mirror and shuddered at the sight. Your once smokey eye was now resembling that of the grudge. Mascara tears stained your face and your hair looked like a nest belonging to a forest creature. Throwing your hair up into a clip you meet Nora in the kitchen.

“You are my savior Nora!” You say grabbing a coffee and a greasy brown bag of deliciousness. Taking a seat at your small table she follows closely behind.

“I like your new look.” She said flashing you a smile. “Very heartbreak chic!”

You knew you would have to tell her about the conversation you shared with Josh.

“There is no getting out of this one, is there?” You ask as you lay your forehead into your hands.

“I am afraid not.” She said placing a fry into her mouth.

“I really don’t even know where to start!” Still hiding your head.

“Well clearly he changed at the bar. Which I have to apologize for gas lighting you!” Nora said offering you a consoling hand. You reach out grab her hand in yours.

“You did nothing wrong! You were just trying to help me.” You tried to reassure her. “It was like once he found out I was a fan, he completely detached from me. Physically and emotionally.”

“What did he say in the green room?” She asked.

You retold the conversation the best you could remember.

“Who the fuck does he think he is? Stringing you along like that! We are absolutely not going to their show tonight!” Nora said in a fit of rage.

“What do you mean their show tonight?”

“Josh didn’t tell you? They are preforming there again tonight. Danny told me. He said Josh was supposed to invite you?” Nora said puzzled by your shock. “But of course he didn’t say anything because he is an asshole! I am texting Danny right now to tell him we will not be there!” Nora grabbed her phone typing so fast her finger could have caught fire.

“ Nora you can still go if you want. I will be okay. I need to rest for work tomorrow anyway.”

“Are you kidding me? I am not leaving you alone right now! We are going to eat shitty food, watch shitty movies and pretend that those boys do not exist!” She grabbed your hand with hers and pushed a stray hair behind your ear with her other hand. “You should also probably take a shower.” She said giggling at your appearance.

“A bath sounds really nice actually!” You respond.

“Its settled! You will get cleaned up and we can have a girls day! We could even do face masks! Oh and I can paint your nails!” She smiles rather happy with her plans. You agree to entertain her agenda for the day. Finishing up your meal you head to the tub. Lighting a candle and putting on your favorite Fleetwood Mac album you settle into the warm water. You instantly start to feel better.

“Fuck him.” You think as you sink deeper into the water. You were hurt but he was never yours to have. There was no promise or agreement between you two. Your life will go back to how it was before meeting him. You loved your life before him. But the familiar sting of heartbreak still hung around.

You put on your favorite pair of cozy pajamas and slippers. You joined Nora in the living room. She had an array of snacks and drinks layed out on the coffee table. She had already started watching your favorite show, The Office. It was your also on your favorite episode. The one where Dwight sets off the fire alarm in the building to teach fire safety. You sit next to her and giggle at the goofy antics on the screen.

“Face mask time! Also I only own pink or blue nail polish so you will have to pick the lesser of the two evils!” She joked knowing you never had color on your nails. She sat there pampering you while the show continued to play.

“I am sorry we didn’t get the chance to do this when we were kids Nora.” You said. The moment brought up feelings of melancholy. You always wondered what it would have been like to share your childhood with your sister.

“We get to do it now!” She chimed back. “You have nothing to be sorry for. You rescued me and gave me all of this!” Gesturing to your small apartment.

The afternoon turned into evening and you both began to feel sleep creeping in. You insisted on cleaning up as she went to bed. She obliged and headed into her room.

Just as she shut her door you heard your text tone go off in your room. Nora sprang from her bedroom door before you could even process the sound. She ran to your phone.

“If this is Josh I am going to give him a piece of my mind!” Nora said unlocking your screen.

From Josh

Can we talk?

“No you can not fucking talk to her you fucking douche cannon!” Nora yelled to no one.

“Nora please do not respond!” You pleaded. She huffed handing you your phone to see the text. Checking the time you take a mental note that he should be getting on stage soon.

“What are you going to say?” Nora said trying to calm her rage.

“Nothing. He is about to go on stage anyways.” You were not about to be left on read for hours. Nora throws up a questioning eyebrow. “Seriously I am not responding.” You throw your hands up defensively. “I will even leave my phone in the kitchen for the night.” You do as you as say heading to bed and Nora doing the same.

“Can we fucking talk?” You think to yourself. Nora is right. Who does he think he is?

#josh kiszka smut #joshua michael kiszka #josh kiszka #gvf series #greta van fic #greta van fluff #josh gvf #greta van fleet #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van smut #josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka fanfiction #josh kiszka fluff #josh kiszka x y/n #joshua kiszka

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littlelcvestory · 6 months

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thank you @wesperbrekkered for tagging me even though im so inactive on like all my fandom accounts 😭😭😭

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

i have 13 :)

2. What is your AO3 word count?

29,858 words 😭 thats kinda crazy for me ngl

3. What fandoms do you write for?

my main is six of crows! my ao3 still has my fics from when i wrote solangelo tho lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

sparks fly (whenever you smile) with 268 (wesper)

we were in screaming color with 244 (solangelo)

Doctor Death (god this fic is so old i hate it 😭) with 236 (solangelo)

i wanna teach you how forever feels with 221 (wesper)

time can't stop me quite like you did with 205 (i wrote this for a school assignment, it's from the book they both die at the end)

i strongly dislike this list mainly because of solangelo being on there and how long ago i wrote those fics because theyre really bad now 😭 perhaps leave more kudos on my wesper fics :)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

YES it makes me so happy that people enjoyed what i wrote. i'd like to say it's author fuel but i have not touched any of my fics since august but they ARE author serotonin

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it's either time can't stop me quite like you did (because he literally d!es) but none of my SoC fics have angsty endings, because none of them have endings. haha

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhh i'd say it would be i wanna teach you how forever feels purely because it's a cute domestic post-ck wesper

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i dont think im widespread enough to have haters on my fics tbh 😭

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

nope, i am literally 16 !! although i have written a few very intimate passages but theres also taught you the way you call me baby which is the closest i'll ever get for now

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

my wesper romeo and juliet au like fire and powder that i havent touched since august! this was like my most big brain idea ever but i'm torn between discarding it and starting from scratch or continuing as it is right now

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i dont think so, and i hope not !

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no :)

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

also no

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

wesper. next!

15. What’s a WIP you’d like to finish but doubt you ever will?

THE ROMEO AND JULIET AU I AM CRYING i need to continue it as soon as possible oh lord

16. What are your writing strengths?

not sure tbh! i do find writing dialogue easy but it also leads to my downfall sometimes which i'll explain in the next question

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

inner monologues, because they jump around too much and i eventually stray from the original thought. or anything thats not closely tied to a character ... i'm really strong with character driver things but if you hand me a plot, i'm gonna struggle (which may be why the r&j au is failing LMAO) and how i said with dialogue, it ends up being dry and makes the scene move a little too fast. i'm really bad at slowing down scenes 😭

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

never done it before hehe

19. First fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson, i think

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

my romeo and juliet au because its the most ambitious thing i ever tried to accomplish. i really want to get back to it because i'm still so intrigued by the idea of it and i was shocked i wrote 10k for the first chapter but it felt like it was being squeezed out of me... i'll do my best to get back to writing i've had insane weiters block (no thanks to school 🙄)

thanks for tagging me rae :) i'm tagging @artsypretzel @jazzythursday and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it :)

#six of crows #fanfic #fanfic author #fanfiction #wesper #wesper fanfiction #wylan van eck #jesper fahey

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lutiaslayton · 7 months

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Hey guys! Guess who's FINALLY done writing her thesis manuscript, who's finally freed from the nightmare that was getting it corrected by my three PhD directors who each had their own expectations piling onto each other's, getting it printed and mailed to her jury, and completing dozens of administration related details, and who is finally allowed to have some free time to rest after all that 👀 (PS: I have one week)

I know "I" have been posting ED chapters every week and reblogging others' stuff every now and then, but regarding the ED chapters it's really just been the queue doing all the work haha. I'd actually finished writing the translation all the way back in August and decided to post a chapter per week in anticipation for these tough times when I'd be virtually dead online, just so this blog would be on some sort of life support in the meantime. I've been editing the PREV/NEXT links as each chapter came out (sometimes a day or two late because I forgor), but other than that I've only been browsing tumblr as a half-brained shadow 🥲

All that being said — I need rest. I've stayed up late up to 2-3am working and writing and drawing graphs way more often than my body would have preferred, pulled at least one all-nighter, and lost literally all sense of time (well, more than usual that is). I'm kinda writing this with the only brain cell I have left right now lmao.

So. After working on it since April, I finished writing my thesis. 171 pages, 49409 words with even more text that has been written and then scrapped for the current version, 58 graphs, 20 tables, 165 references in the bibliography, and tons of equations. Whatever am I going to do now?

...write even more words, of course 🤭

I know there's a lot of translation work to do, a lot of other work elsewhere, and just thinking of looking at my to-do list is making my brain implode. And you'd think that after writing so much to the extent that my eyes started burning 24/7, I'd be sick of writing. But... strangely it's the opposite lmao

All that to say, SLS hasn't been updated since April 1st, and this needs to be fixed. I miss these dorks so much and I need some self-indulgent fanfiction writing after all this.

PS: I say I have one week to rest, because my PhD isn't over yet. I still have a scientific paper to start writing right after I come back from the grave (thankfully for that one I won't be the only one writing), and after that, I'll have my PhD defence planned for December 11. So yeah, I'm still not off the hook quite yet hahaha

#stable like sand #lutiastalks

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seahdalune · 5 months

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Seana's 2023 art highlights

(surprisingly, not a reupload this time!)

January: i drew nothing! we're off to a great start.

February: i drew something! i love Champ even if i haven't drawn anything tf2 related since April. i think it was this piece where i decided to give Champ RED coloring. [link]

also, this is the month i made my second Moldy plush.... i wasn't very happy with this one, though. [link]

March: uhhhh. more of my tf2 ocs but i think those aren't that interesting. just go to my tf2 oc blog @brokenbrainstormbulb if you wanna see them honestly, i have an image limit to keep ffs. that said, this was around the time i got into TC2, so i drew a lot of that kind of stuff... i'm never drawing stuff for it ever again, sorry. [link]

April: look at the cool thing i drew for a fellow tf2 robot fan! now, this is the point in time where i start drawing more because of a certain interest, so look forward to all the art that'll come up here.....

May: wow, this really was my first public piece of Papa Louie art, huh. i was so proud of it when i showed it off on tumblr the first time... i don't like it as much anymore. for one, the office wall color is wrong.... i still can't believe Papa Louie was what got me out of art block, but god, i'm glad it did. i don't think i've drawn this much before, and even though the community's tiny, i'm glad to give back as much as i can. anyways, i said something like "it's so funny that people think they're either super married or divorced as hell" on the same post. i still think that, and it's defos funny as hell, but i've grown a kind of appreciation towards the ship as well. like yeah, you go girls, we love that extra slow burn with so many road bumps on the way! [link]

June: how the hell did i pump this out. this was also like a few days before i had to leave for the airport too... i don't know myself sometimes. i swear i still love Boigashipping! i just... i'm just busy with other ships okkkk [link]

July: i didn't draw anything...? i was in Bali. and i was busy selling adopt designs to draw anything substantial, oopsie! actually, i DID draw the first part of WDB... it's uh, still the only part. i'm sorry!!!! i'm sorry!!!! i swear i have the whole thing outlined!!! can you just give me anons about the story instead so you won't have to wonder what comes next!! [link]

August: TOSI fixation. it had not gone past it's conceptual stage, i must note. i do wish i would do something about it though. [link]

September: the art trade i did with my friend! actually, i was a few weeks late with my part, so it was supposed to be finished by August. oops. i like the textures tbh. my Chuseok drawings.... i need to draw more characters in hanbok, hee hee. [link]

October: (breaths in) ...this is the month i finally gave into the JoGotcha wantings. LOOK. ever since someone put the idea into my brain i couldn't get enough of it, and like,, nobody draws the ship anymore so i had to take matters into my own hands. this is the first ship i'm this obsessed with. i usually leave ship stuff to other people but this time that wasn't enough and i... i had to do SOMETHING, y'know? [link]

Cringetober? who's that? haha;; i stopped feeling like doing the whole list after less than a week. impressive.

November: oh look, Plushy Power League. Quinn didn't win, but i do like the thing i drew as propaganda, so whateves. the first Papa Louie character i ever drew (minus Chuck and Taylor)... did i change how i draw her? uhh. maybe? i'm not too sure. [link]

also look! the keychain drawing... i need to talk about my Gods and Monsters au again at some point. actually, since i last uploaded the image of my keychain, i revised it tons... it's kinda different now, and i defos think it looks better. this is actually the time i finally fixed the stupid display setting thing that was really messing up my coloring! [link 1] [link 2]

December: ...oops! tablet broke. and i got my 3ds back so i just didn't draw that much even after exams were over. didn't stop me from drawing though, and in fact i think i made something pretty neat with my christmas art.... even if it did come one day late. [link]

wow. that's a whole year of stuff... and that's defos a lot! i think i'm really happy with what i drew this year.... i don't know what was in my water the last few years but my art highlights felt really.... miserable? for some reason. i mean, yeah, i didn't do a lot of what i had planned (GOE ANIMATIC IM SORRY) but i can see that i've done just as much with my hands anyways, so like, who cares? plus, i always have next year... that's coming in 3 hours, oh god- so, maybe i won't be too hard on myself for not fulfilling my goals... like, i kinda glossed over it, but i did sell my designs for money, and that's like, really impressive! so many people around me buy and sell their art stuff already, so i guess i didn't really register it as something to be proud of... but doing that shit (making, and marketing) is hard!! so like, it's a wow moment for me!

anyways, i'm tired, i only came back home a few hours ago, and i need to get up again for church in a few hours.... mrphgdjd. lets stop being sentimental, and i'll see you people next year. that's a long way off! hope you don't miss me.

#dalune recap #dalune recap 2023

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glassanimalsarchive · 4 months

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August 10, 2020

DREAMLAND, the visual album, on VHS... on the store now. When the songs were finished, the album still felt like it was missing a little something to tie it all together nicely. so i started thinking like....what's that one constant thing in my life throughout the up/ down/confusing/strange/crazy moments that these songs are about? MY MUM. She used to make home movies on a VHS camcorder of me and my little brother as we grew up. She'd narrate what we were doing as she filmed. I thought i could take the audio from these movies and lay them between the songs as interludes, almost as if she was narrating the album. It fit perfectly and i was so happy to have my mum on the record...and i knew she'd be really happy to hear her voice on the record. but i was wrong. she hated it. she said "i hate my voice take it off." Anyway to cut a long story short - she more or less came around to the idea (thank you mum, love you). I thought it would be pretty apt to make a VHS version of the album. Like those classic home movies. Drew got to work. He did such an amazing job synchronising our memories to the music. here are his words on the project:

Dreamland is all about looking back on growing up, all the happy, sad, & crazy shit that happened on the way to now.. So Dave had the idea of making a visual version of the album from his mom's home movies, videos that we took over the years at special moments when we were all hanging out, right the way up to footage of our most recent Deja Vu tour in America 2020.

We collected hours of all these videos, and I picked out the best bits and edited it together into Dreamland: The Home Movies, which is here on a SICK see-through VHS and special packaging, all designed, selected & made beautiful by us by hand. I went and copied the video 30 times on to these the tapes... it took a long time haha.

So there you have it, these are THE ORIGINAL Glass Animals home movies on VHS. Hope these memories are as special to you as they are to us. Love Drew x

#glass animals #instagram

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pixlostinatos · 11 months

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For Few Can Take a Broken World (and Still with Beauty Fill it)

so, back in august, @fogwitchoftheevermore and i had a concept for a fic centered around the clones of Mezalea and the concept of them being a bit of a (true) ghost story told in the mesas of tumble town

it was intended to be three sets of paired chapters, one focusing around a season 2 character followed one about their season 1 counterpart in each pair of chapters--jimmy, fwhip, and joel.

it never got finished, and it never will at this point, but i think itd be a shame if we never shared what we did have written, so thats what this post is! we had a lot, so head under the cut to actually read them <3

Jimmy s2

Jimmy has lived in dry areas his whole life, and you pick up on some interesting things, such as a rather unique dialect of sign language that only varies in specific finger motions between the desert and the mesa

Theres some interesting folklore in the mesas, as well

Where most places would blame half-built and incomprehensible structures on the elusive herobrine, mesa-dwellers tell a different story

terracotta people, once part of a beautiful empire, now lost and without purpose, wandering the mesa until either the end of time, or when the magic that sustains them finally fades

Don’t go out too late, elders warn, lest you encounter one of these ghosts. who knows what they might do. Those who've seen them say they’re harmless, just wandering, aimlessly and wordlessly, but no one knows where they came from or why they all share one man's face.

Jimmy runs across one of the clones one night

It calls him the codfather

Jimmy recognizes some weird variation of the sign for fish

Despite its hands having less joints than that of an actual human, the mesa’s sign language is perfectly accessible to the clone. weird

He is very confused

"i mean this is the middle of a fucking desert but sure i can try and get you some????"

it just keeps insisting "you are the codfather" and he gets Very Weirded Out at the fact that this weird doll keeps trying to call him a fish person.

this is almost worse than being called a toy.

Jimmy s1

Mezalea is one of the only places Jimmy is comfortable taking off his head

After all, the clones aren’t truly sentient, and even if they were, its still Joel, right?

The clones aren’t unsettling at all haha why would you suggest such a thing

Jimmy is fairly certain the man isnt entirely sane. But hes not unkind and Lizzie loves him and despite his slightly overinflated ego, Jimmy considers him a good friend.

fWhip s2

Jimmy tells him, as his number 2 deputy, there's some Weird Shit about the mesa he should probably know

Aka the clay people. They’re not aggressive, in fact, they somehow seem almost sad, but they’re still scary as shit

Fwhip runs into one despite the warning anyway

The fact that it looks strikingly like Joel isn’t the first thing he notices. The first thing he notices is that they’re building some sort of… something. It looks like a sort of tower with a rounded top, he doesn’t quite get it.

The second thing he notices is that it looks strikingly like Joel.

Or, sort of? Those are Joel’s eyes, and the general shape of his face and body, but this clay person doesn’t have a beard and it’s much smaller than Joel (still, comparatively to Fwhip, very tall, but we don’t have to talk about that)

The clay person is just as confused as Fwhip is when they first see each other

Fwhip gives it some sort of greeting (cause I mean, they are just people, right?) and it perks up in a strange way

It walks closer to him and starts making a sign with its hands. He doesn’t quite recognize it, Jimmy has started teaching him the mesa’s sign language but he’s not very good at it yet. He recognizes that the sign for gunpowder is in there somewhere, and one of the signs feels very familiar, but that’s about all he gets.

The clay man is trying to ask him “are you Fwhip?” but it’s not communicating correctly at all

Fwhip tries to ask if they need something, if they want to go see the sheriff, and it nods at the mention of Jimmy, so he takes them back to Tumble Town

Jimmy is very confused about why Fwhip brought it here, and when it starts trying to say “you are the codfather” he tells Fwhip that the ones he’s run into have been making those hand signs at him but he hasn’t figured out what it means

Neither of them quite know what to do with this person and kinda decide to just… let them go and hope they figure out what they need to do

fWhip s1

Unsettling mention of the fountain statues being approximately just as sentient as the other clones, despite having extremely limited joint movement. “Elaborate on that.” “no”

The clones’ sign for Fwhip’s name is a mix between the signs for redstone and gunpowder

Fwhip didn’t learn that many of the signs because he didn’t run into them very often. He learned most of the emperor’s name signs, but he adamantly refused to learn Jimmy’s because, and I quote: “why would I ever need to talk to them about him. I’m not sending messages to him. Fuck that guy.” He also learned stuff like terracotta and concrete, gunpowder, and different dyes

He practices the signs a lot because even though he doesn’t run into Joel very often and is like sorta enemies with him??? he wants to be able to easily do trade deals and such

Joel s2

He doesn't like this

It's not like looking into a mirror, looking down at this little clay face

He's tall and strong and sexy and handsome and a god and did he mention tall

But he remembers full well what he looked like before jumping into that fountain and ascending to godhood oh so many decades ago

And this is eerily similar to that

It's even got the same strip of green curls he’s always had, nestled into the shorter, darker hair

But it doesn't have a nose. Or a mouth

Not that photographs exist here, of course, but its like looking at a polaroid of yourself from a few years prior but changed just so. Its creepy as hell

There are. Many.

And they start bowing

As they should! He's a god and everyone should bow to him!

But it feels wrong

(that's his face)

And the one that first approached him asks him what they should build

He never learned the mesa’s unique sign language

How does he understand it?

Unimportant. it asked for his opinion.

(what will piss off jimmy the most?)

(he isn't sure why, but he thinks a salmon could be funny)

He tells them to build [toy story reference]

The moment they get to work he flies off

Maybe he should stop calling jimmy a toy actually

After seeing those dolls, he feels like thats giving him far too much credit

But no. the joke is too funny to give it up now

Joel s1

Gem and Pixl are both not exactly happy about his usage of blood sacrifice, but it's all his own blood, so they can't actually justify stopping him, only just voicing Disapproval

He crafts each clone with care

They shatter, sometimes. Terracotta is strong, but it’s brittle.

Yet somehow, the first he created is still with him now

There have been so many

Builders, messengers, trade managers, statues, cleaners, warriors

Each especially is formed slightly different

But they all take a life to make

No single person can lose that much blood and survive

But for the rulers, death cannot be caused by something as unimportant to fates grand design as a little self-inflicted bloodletting

(killing yourself that much, even knowing you’ll come right back, is not exactly great for your psyche)

(there's a reason Pixl asks him to stop making him add candles to the Vigil, a pained undercurrent to the voice he tries to keep light, every time he visits)

The first he made had defined middle and index fingers, despite the two being fused together

It was kinda weird and unsettling though, so he started making them into one slightly wider finger

He went back to the original design eventually, his grip on his sanity slipping just enough for him to find it funny instead of creepy

They already shared his face after all

The Mother Tree accepts his blood freely, and gives life to the clay dolls all the same

The explosion that destroys the Palace also kills the Mother Tree

However, the servants were always built in such a way that they could outlast their creators

Otherwise, older clones would die the moment Joel sacrificed himself to make a new one

When joel died, the clones lost their way

They weren't actually sentient, after all, only having a very rudimentary sort of magical artificial intelligence

So while they could talk, and recognize people, and take orders from their King

(their Creator)

(their God)

They had no true higher thought

And could only fulfill the purposes they were created for

(the Messenger servants were the first to fall, though the ones meant to send messages to wetter climates, to lizzie and scott and jimmy, were more durable and stood longer)

(the Statues never moved, as they were never built to. They remain buried under the dunes of what was once mezalea. Maybe one day they will once again be displayed as a sign of their Creators might)

(after thousands of years, only the Builders still wandered the earth)

(yet still they were always drawn to mesas)

(it is all they knew, after all)

(and the heat of the desert sun would keep moisture from cracking them from the inside out)

(after all, a broken clone is of no use to its King)

(without their Creator to guide them, their builds had no direction)

(simple structures that only the most dedicated archeologists may even have the hope of recognizing as fragments of the old Mezalean build style)

#empires smp #empires sheriff #the codfather #empires solidarity #empires smallishbeans #empires fwhip #goblin fwhip #count fwhip #mezalean king joel #mezalean king #ostinatos post #ostinatos writing #i was in charge of the joel chapters and space was in charge of the fwhip chapters and we were collabing on the jimmy chapters #the title comes from Pellinore And The Beast by the Mechanisms btw! definitely one of my favorite mechs songs (along with Stranger)

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suddence · 9 months

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Retrospective!

HI. So. Since Suddence draft 3 is done, I thought I'd do a bit of retrospective on this story :^)

This little project started as an escape from my main wip, APHELION, which is a big sprawling sci-fi thing. I thought Suddence would be a nice little novella, 40k words tops.

Turns out, it's 60k words long. That's right. It's a wholeass novel.

Draft #1

On May 17th, 2021, I started the first draft. While I had a strong idea of the basic premise and a nice solid beginning, I wasn't sure how exactly the rest of the story would go. Most of this draft was just me writing down scenes that seemed interesting. At this point, I hadn't even figured what exactly Dany was gonna do after reaching Suddence. I threw together some semblance of a wham bam action climax. I didn't like it, but I couldn't think of much else.

Also, while I had the alternating timelines idea already, they were both written in regular prose.

After "finishing" this draft, I went back to my main wip for a while and continued struggling with it.

Draft #2

On November 16th, 2022, I started the second draft. In this draft, my goal was to tie the story down. The prose doesn't have to be good; it just has to be finished and whole. The beginning of the story stays mostly the same, except that I decided wait! Wouldn't it be more interesting if we got to read the flashbacks as if they were Dany's diary entries?

I tested this out and decided, yup. It was much cooler.

So, I focused on this for a while. Progress was meandering and I was struggling a bit with how I wanted the story to end. At some point, I peeked at my first draft, hoping to have some inspiration, and noticed I started it on May 17th. And at this point, it was also almost May 17th (2023). And I thought to myself, "Man, wouldn't it be something if I could finish this draft on May 17th? Wouldn't that be nice and symmetrical? Haha. That's not possible though."

But with the power of promising I'll treat myself to a Lego splurge after I finish the draft, it was, indeed, possible.

Now, as you read through the draft (I say "you" as if you will ever read this version of the story), you will notice that the quality significantly gets worse as it goes on. But I was perfectly fine with it! I had confidence and trust that my future editing self will handle it. All that matters right now is that it's done.

I let the story marinate for a few months, leaving notes whenever I thought of something, and went back to focus on APHELION. And I had a HUGE breakthrough there, which only boosted my confidence. I had been struggling with this wip for SO long, and it was amazing to finally have it figured out.

Draft #3

On August 1st, 2023, I began the third draft of Suddence. I switched my goal from "it just has to be finished" to "it has to actually be good." My mindset on this stage was that it had to be in a publishable state, even though I don't plan on publishing it just yet. I took the chapters one by one, reading each of them out loud to catch any strange wording or confusing moments. (There were a LOT of these that would have slipped by if I hadn't been reading out loud.)

One thing that really helped was keeping a notebook on hand, and any time I thought of something (e.g. checking the continuity on a previous scene, or a reminder to add something earlier, etc) I would write it down. This made editing SO much more manageable. I didn't have to rely on my spotty memory, I could cover so many more bases, and it's very satisfying to check each task off my list as I tackle them.

I wasn't really sure how long the edit would take. My general goal was to have something ready to show by April/May of 2024, where I'll hopefully be tabling at VanCAF again.

And now it's only been a bit more than two weeks, and the edit is done. 😳

Next Steps

So! My next steps will be to get critiques. I've set up a critique form, and now I'm preparing to reach out to people for beta reading. It's exciting! But also nerve-wracking. I've never gotten to this stage with ANY of my wips before. (Unless you count, like, my grad film, which I definitely don't.)

After critiques, it'll be one more round of edits!

I'm also going to have a copy printed out just at a local print shop, just so I can have something physical to hold :3

Publishing

I'm sure I've talked about this at some point before, but I'm planning to publish the story serially online first, and then having physical copies and e-books once it's done airing, so to speak. I've been checking out a few websites, like Wattpad and Royal Road and Substack. I'll have to poke around them a bit more before I decide which one to use.

I haven't really decided which printing company to use, either. Last I checked, BookVault doesn't ship to Canada :'( and the only other printer I've used is Lulu. I guess I'll have to look into KDP and all that eventually anyway, so I'll do some research on that front as well.

Thank you to everyone who's been following along on this journey! For now, I'm gonna migrate back to APHELION.

#suddence #writeblr #writing update

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supernovaa-remnant · 8 months

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Ask game: 24 22 and 19

19. What are come of your favorite pieces of c!Dream animations/songs/other types of video/audio content?

The Old Days animatic by Knp lives rent free in my brain. Watching that animatic changed the trajectory of my life I'm so serious it's so aklsjdhsgajksdshass the way it so perfectly represents c!dream's longing to return to a simpler past? when he could laugh and have fun with c!george and c!sapnap???? the way you can see when c!dream stops smiling in the animatic?? aughhhh c!dream team my c!dream team you are a wound that never stops aching.

22. If you had all the time, resources, and skills to create your ideal piece of c!Dream fan content, what would it be?

I've talked about it before, but genuinely You and I Drink the Poison From the Same Vine (my theoretical c!dreambur semi-canon compliant fic that I talked abt in the post linked). I think about it all the time. I would love to just... have the commitment needed to write this long fic that examines canon through the lens of one non-canon element being added.

Also, it'd be really really fun to write interactions between c!punz and c!wilbur (where c!punz doesn't understand why c!dream keeps c!wilbur around and does what he wants and c!wilbur holds his connection to c!dream over c!punz's head like a taunt).

Uh, other than that, I have a slide show about c!dream that I never finished. I started making it with the goal of presenting it to my non-c!dream sympathetic irls haha

24. When/how did you become a c!Dream apologist?

Okay, this is going to get long and I may get into way more detail than I need to, so buckle in because this was quite the journey for me.

So, I didn't get into the fandom until around august-september of 2021. However, I had multiple irls who were really into the dsmp in late 2020-early 2021. And, uh, they're very very non-sympathetic to c!dream. (also believers in the l'manburg mythos, but we are not getting into that...) anyway, I heard a lot about the dsmp from an outside perspective during my time of not being in the fandom. And this included hearing about the exile arc (with one hilarious instance where my friends did not specify it was rp so for a moment I thought cc!dream was just a really really bad dude 💀) and hearing about how horrible c!dream was how evil he was etc etc.

In typical "I am not invested in this fandom at all but my dear friend is" fashion, I just agreed with them. All of my info came from hearing them talk abt something they were interested in, so why would I disagree?

Anyway, flash forward, like, half a year, and I begin watching the manhunts. I got really into them and ended up reading some non-dsmp fics. And then everything spiralled and I got sucked into the fandom. I remember reading some c!dream redemption fics, and I was really enjoying it, but I still didn't consider myself an apologist. Afterall, my entire first impression of him was how horrible he was through my friends.

Anyway, I don't have an exact timeline, but it wasn't until I actually followed someone from dreblr that I started fully embracing my c!dreamisms and my c!dream apologism. I kept my c!dream apologisms hush hush in front of my friends for so long. I still do to an extent. I'm scared, okay? And I don't wanna get into arguments with them, so it's best to just, like, not bring it up I guess.

#c!dreamie has always been my favorite character though #it definitely started with some cc bias bc I got into the fandom via manhunts #but it has evolved from that #stella answers #sioster #dreblr #ask game

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where-fantasy-meets-reality · 1 year

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“Reflections of A Distant Past” Chapter 3

Masterlist Chapter 2

Pairing: Ben Kenobi x Fem. Reader (second person)

W/C: 7.9K

Warning: Angsty Ben and a lot of it. Other than that nothing that I can think of.

A/N: Hello everyone! I apologize for the disappearance but as I am nearing the end of my grad program and focusing on my thesis, my appearances and updates will be less frequent. I took advantage of the blip of free time that I had during spring break and wrote this. I hope you all enjoy it, I really liked the second half of the chapter and the relationship and world-building that it allowed me to explore. I haven't forgotten about this story (or any of the others) and think about them daily... so one day I will return to continue and finish them. For now, enjoy this surprise update, and as always thank you for the support.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

There was something about the golden sun’s rays of late July that were different than other times of the season.

The last days of the hot summer that came with August, along with the dread that every school child felt, weren’t exactly alive yet. However, neither was the joyful optimism that everyone felt at the beginning of June, the idea of a whole summer filled with possibilities and untapped potential for a good time and everlasting memories.

You remembered those days fondly, having been a child and then a college student that relished the free time that the summer brought them.

Now though, as a business owner, summer vacations only met more customers who came in for their beach reading.

This particular week had been busy but today was quiet; after the rush of the prior days, you weren’t complaining. Running a “one-man show” could be stressful during those times, but you still wouldn’t trade it.

Due to all the foot traffic that the store had experienced, things were looking a little rough. The carpets and floors needed a good vacuum and sweeping, and the shelves needed to be reorganized (people had a bad habit of just putting a book down anywhere) and dusted. And you needed to prepare for the inventory that would arrive in the next few days.

Grabbing the feather duster, you decided to get to work on the shelves first. Walking to the speaker that was kept on the back counter behind the register, you put it on and opened up the music app on your phone. Cranking up the music a tad bit louder than you should have, you started cleaning.

It was after the lunch rush and before the after-work rush. If you got one customer an hour during this time, especially in the summer, you’d be very lucky.

Therefore, taking some time to self-indulge in a great playlist on shuffle while you cleaned would be more than okay.

You were about halfway through “100 years” by Five for Fighting when you heard the little belle on the door jingle.

“....I’m 33 for a moment….” you were singing along to the song.

As you were still singing along you turned toward the entrances of the store. “Hi welcome…”

Ben Kenobi stood by the counter, hands tucked into the pockets of his dark jeans casually. He had on a dark green t-shirt today that contrasted so nicely from his mesmerizing blue eyes. “Hi, Emma.”

Oh… that accent stopped you in your tracks every single time. If you were going to start interacting with him more, you were going to have to do better at preparing yourself for stuff like this… even the small stuff, like his accent.

“Hey Ben….How are you?” You asked as your brushed your hair out of your face. Before he could answer you reached into your pocket and grabbed your phone lowering the music.

“That’s an interesting song….100 years right….” He jutted his chin out toward the phone, indicating to the music.

“Yeah….an oldie but a goodie….”

Ben’s smile widened with understanding.

“....I remember when it came out, I used to listen to it nonstop, literally.”

“Haha, oh yeah, how come?” Walking towards him you leaned against the counter, resting all your weight on one arm.

His eyes broke contact with yours and he bounced nervously on his feet as if your question made him feel uncomfortable.

You were starting to notice a slight pattern with him, anytime he was asked an overly personal question, he shifted the topic of conversation or he shied away from it.

Which left you with two observations. 1) he was either extremely insecure and shy or 2) Something had happened in his past and he didn’t like answering questions about himself because of it…or he couldn’t talk about it.

Judging by how this man carried himself, you were betting it was the second theory….which only deepened your burning curiosity about this intriguing individual.

“Ahhh…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “...You know how it is when you are young, you latch onto a song and just wear it out without understanding what it's really all about….I’m sure you did that as a young one.”

Nodding your head animatedly, you smiled brightly. “Oh yeah, that’s for sure. My parents would beg me to find a new song sometimes because they were tired of hearing the same one over again….that was the summer they caved and got me a walkman.”

When he smiled, a real genuine smile, you could tell because it reached his eyes and changed his whole expression. Gone was the standoff-ish shy person and the confident, warm and sincere person that Ahsoka had described him to be was in front of you.

“Anyways, that was a long time ago….I assume you are here for the book?”

He gave you a tight head nod. “Yes ma’am, I sure am….. I apologize for not answering your call, I was unavoidably detained.”

Circling behind the counter, you waved your hand where he could see it. “Not to worry Ben, most people don’t answer their phones these days. At this point, I expect to get people’s voicemails and then am stunned if they pick up.”

Grinning, he now leaned on the counter with both arms. “I will bare that in mind.”

Rising, you placed the box on the counter. “There we are….the collector’s version of A Study In Scarlet….just give me one second to update the store’s inventory, saying that you picked up the book….” glancing at him sideways, your lip perked up in a crooked smile, “...not that I would forget you stopping by, I just like to be thorough.”

“Of course….This business is important to you, and I wouldn’t want to see it disrupted by me….but I shall indulge in the fact, with your permission of course, that my stopping by is a memorable event.”

You were blushing, you could feel the heat rising in your cheeks.

“Of course it is.” You muttered, daring not to move your eyes away from the screen. “Alright, all set there….now let’s switch over here, I’ll cash you out, and then your good to go.”

“I can’t thank you enough for going the extra mile and ordering this for me….as I said to you last week, this book means a great deal to me, and there are many fond memories attached to it…I greatly appreciate it.”

Punching in the amount he owed you into the register, you shrugged your shoulders. “It is my pleasure Ben. That’s part of the services we offer…if there is ever any book out there that you want that I don’t have in stock, I am more than willing to help it get into a reader’s hands in any way I can.”

When you looked up from the register, about to tell him his total, you caught him staring at you.

“Kind, witty, helpful, and beautiful….is there no limit to the qualities you possess?”

Pursing your lips, you ignored him with a smile and gave him the total.

Reaching into his back pocket, he grabbed his wallet and pulled his credit card out.

As you swiped the card and closed out the transaction you finally gave him an answer. “Well thank you…..but you flatter me way too much….”

Handing him the receipt and his card, you noticed how his fingers diligently brushed against yours. His skin was incredibly warm again.

About to comment on it, you decided against it. You didn’t want to bombard him with too many questions and you knew that he was not big on talking about himself so you didn’t bring it up.

Ben put his receipt in his pocket and his credit card back into his wallet. He sighed as he finished. “Well, I guess this is it then….unless I just decide to come back tomorrow and order the rest of the Sherlock Holmes collection.”

You put your hands in mock surrender, “hey, I don’t tell you how to spend your money but I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to it…seeing you is always a pleasure.”

“Shit.” that last part had slipped out.

Yet, to your delight, he didn’t seem put off by it. His smile only grew brighter.

Reaching into his pocket, he grabbed his phone. Typing in a passcode, he briefly looked up. “Why don’t I get your number if that’s alright with you….that way if there are any other books I choose to order, I can be in touch with you easily.”

Not bothering to say anything, you practically grabbed his phone out of his hands and created a contact for yourself.

Ben arched an eyebrow as you were typing furiously. “Do you have an out-of-state number?”

“Nope. I am giving you both the number to the store and my personal cell…I don’t have a house phone or I’d give you that too…that way whenever book inspiration strikes, you can find me.”

“Perfect.” His voice was warm and soft.

Taking his phone back from you, he picked up the package from the counter. “Seriously Emma…Thank you again.”

Walking out from around the counter, you smiled ear-to-ear. “As I said before, it was my pleasure Ben. Just promise not to be a stranger, okay?”

A twinkle passed through his ocean-colored eyes. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Ben sat on the front steps of the old craftsman-style house, a cup of coffee in his hand. It was quiet, a sweet-smelling summer evening and the stars were sparkling in the vast, inky-colored sky.

He loved to sit on the porch at night and look at the stars. Growing up in London, stars were something he only caught glimpses of, the city fog and smog always covering the sky in thick blankets. But here….now…he took every opportunity he could to sit and enjoy their beauty. It also helped that this was the space and time he used to clear his head and center himself…a self-check-in type thing. Being alpha, a clear head was an important thing to have… fogginess or uncertainty could have unintended consequences or cause other members to be restless.

On the nights when there was no deep brooding that was he being done, he still came to this place just to enjoy the agreeable weather and the outdoors.

Sometimes he brought a book or a crossword puzzle. On rare occasions, an audiobook…although that was not his favorite option, as he felt it distorted from the beautiful sounds that outdoors had to offer.

Tonight though, he just sat in silence, pensively staring at the sky, enjoying everything the natural world had to offer.

Crickets chirped to their own melody and in the distance, the owls joined in chorus with their soft hoots.

Every so often, a firefly would pass by, glowing brightly.

The moon was still and large, a silvery glowing orb that hung menacingly in the night sky….well, for him it was menacing.

Before, like every kid in the 19th century, the moon was one of the world’s greatest mysteries and wonders…. and just looked really darn cool.

But now….for him, the moon represented something completely different.

Scoffing at the orb, he shifted and leaned against the white wooden collum that was attached to the red brick front steps.

For a pack headquarters, the house wasn’t much by any means. A lot of werewolf alphas he knew lived in large, grand houses that were big enough for their whole packs to live in if they needed to.

Yet, that wasn’t what Ben wanted, and additionally, he already lived with his entire pack. Any closer and the four of them would start snarling at each other due to dominance issues. Packs like to be close and tight-knit, but a wolf still needs their freedom to run.

This time around, when they had moved into town, he had picked the house they were to live in. He had chosen an older craftsman home that was built in 1912, one of those Sears home catalog houses that had come in a package with the precut lumber and everything needed to assemble.

At 4,000-ish square feet, a three-car garage, four bedrooms, and two floors, she was pretty much perfect in his eyes. A double wooden front door with a large, beautiful front porch, lots of big pretty windows, and made out of sturdy wood and stone, it had not taken him much to convince the others that this should be the place they settle down in this time.

All these years later, with some modern upgrades, the house was still standing soundly. Sure, it creaked now and again, and sometimes the wifi had issues, but he appreciated her quality and her charm. It also reminded him of the simpler times he was desperate for.

And, at the end of the day, the house was four walls and a roof that kept them safe, warm, and together. It wasn’t large or grand, but just right for a pack of four unsuspecting werewolves who wanted to go unnoticed in the world they lived in. And, it was a heck of a lot better than some of the other places they had lived in…by a long shot…

The location had been perfect too. They were right on the edge of town, but not so far out in the boonies where getting to the city was a hassle. The house sat on a decent size of land, enough for them to have more than enough privacy.

Ben sighed as swished the contents of his mug around. Checking his watch, he realized he had been sitting out there for a while…which would explain why his coffee had gone cold.

He gave a “hmp” as his mind went back to the original reason that brought him outside with nothing but his thoughts.

But before he could too lost in his own thoughts, from inside the house Ben could hear footsteps approaching the door, and by the gate of the person walking and their sent, he already knew who it was. He took a deep breath to center himself in preparation.

The door swung open quickly.

“Crying out loud Ben….How loudly are you going to brood out here? Any more of it and I’m going to stage a full-scale pack intervention.”

Anakin stood in the doorway, half hanging out of it, looking at his oldest friend who hadn’t even bothered to turn around and acknowledge him.

Ben chuckled softly. “I haven’t even said a word.” His voice was calm and soft, communicating to Anakin that hadn’t been rattled by his intrusion.

He heard the door click closed and Anakin’s footsteps about a half second before the man sat down next to him.

“Yeah, well that’s not what the pack bonds say…I can feel and hear half of your thoughts remember?”

Ben rolled his eyes, “Don’t remind me,” he groaned.

Anakin shifted and leaned his back against the stones that made up the side of the house. “Seriously….why all the moodiness? She’s a girl, not a banshee….”

Ben just choose to stare into his coffee cup and ignore the comment.

Nudging the other man’s foot with his, Anakin inclined his head. “Come on, you definitely need to talk to someone…let it be me… you are always there for me, let me return the favor….Plus…” he pursed his lips, “I think I’m the only person that can help….”

Ben gave a loud sigh, allowing the breath he had been holding in to escape and causing his shoulders to relax. Out of the corner of his eye could see the bright blue eyes of his second beaming at him. Finally smiled. “Oh, alright….fine….Yes….You know me pretty well at this point…and you do have a lot more relationship experience than I do….”

“And I’m a werewolf,” Anakin said pointing his index finger in the air.

Slightly nodding his head up and down, he continued not to look at Anakin. “That too.”

A silence fell over them as both men sat leaning against opposite sides of the house, one continuing to swirl the contents of his coffee cup in his hand, the other expectantly looking at the other man, waiting for him to say something and open up.

Even though it was not his intention, Ben was really starting to irk Anakin with the silent treatment.

“Well?!” He huffed with a wave of his hands.

“Well, what?!” Ben sighed defensively, his accent more British than he meant to be.

The younger man (although they physically looked the same age) pursed his lips into a straight line. “...Ben….You’ve got something on your mind…and I know it’s got to do with several things but the girl is a big part of the angst….. so just start from the beginning and skip the “I hate being a werewolf part” because I am well versed in your version of that internal battle.”

Finally turning toward him, Ben looked at him with an expression Anakin couldn’t initially place. “You never hated it or struggled with it…..being this monster?”

His voice was quite like he was ashamed to ask such a question.

“Not for a second…I choose this remember?…and I don’t consider myself a monster”

“Because of me…You choose this lifestyle because I corrupted you to it…” Ben huffed irritatedly.

Anakin bobbed his head back and forth in thought. “Debatable….arguable…but ultimately…I don’t think it was all you so don’t give yourself all the credit….I mean, you raised me, took me in when I was a 10-year-old orphan on the streets….so yeah, there was that connection…as a kid, I got to watch you run around and do all these cool things as a wolf that I couldn’t wait to do and wanted to do so badly”

“I wouldn’t call them cool” Ben whispered under his breath

“….and when the time came…the thought of getting to spend eternity as a supernatural creature with my best friend…well…no brainer…” Anakin spoke to his friend.

Ben shook his head. “I have never once felt that way, ever.” His expression glum.

Anakin opened his mouth and closed it, thinking before he said something.

“....I think the way it happened to you has everything to do with your thoughts and emotions tied to being a werewolf….and honestly…I think if I was in your situation…I might feel that way too…”

Raising his eyebrows and looking back at his cup again, Ben murmured, “...at least it’s not only me who came to that conclusion…”

“No it’s not….but what does all that have to do with Emma? If you have felt that way from the first day, why is that particular emotional battle conflicting you more so than usual….and whats her connection?”

Wide-eyed, Ben turned to Anakin, “Seriously?.... It has everything to do with her….”

His head flew back and Anakin let out a tiered groan, “Oh please, tell me the connection isn’t “I’m a werewolf, and she is a human, it’s dangerous crap…”

Ben scoffed at Anakins imaptientness.

“....Come on man!…you were human once too, you still look like one… People can be attracted to something different…..it’s not so bad…. Padme was a human when I met her….”

“Something I was expressly against,” Ben mumbled firmly as he took a sip of his coffee.

“And Im so glad I didn’t listen to you!… She ended up being my mate…..think about for a second Ben….a once-in-a-billion chance for our kind, something that some of us never find….I found my mate….and had I listened to your sour self, I would have lost that opportunity.”

“Emma is not my mate, so that argument does not apply….” His eyes stared off into the distance as if he was waiting for something to appear in the middle of the street by magic.

“How do you know?” Anakin fired back, growing more impatient.

“Because she’s not.”

Leaning forward, Anakin moved into Ben’s vision, settling in for a long lecture. “Are you so sure? You’ve told me you just say things around her that you don’t mean to say, that she relaxes you and makes you comfortable in a way that no humane ever has, before or after your change….she gives you a feeling of hope like everything is okay in the world….That your wolf responds to her positively….”

Ben just shrugged his shoulders.

“Ugghhhh!!!!....I got news for you pal, anytime that thing inside us responds to anyone positively, they’re a keeper….Our wolves are predators by nature, they don’t like people that aren’t pack and he likes her….add all that together and it sounds like a very, very strong match, or…just maybe…you found your mate…”

Ben’s shoulders sunk lower and his head dropped. “...But I had someone already who I loved….I was engaged….”

He turned his head away so Anakin couldn’t see the glossy shine that had formed on his eyes or his lip quiver. It was a foolish attempt though… through the pack bonds not only could Anakin feel Ben’s burst of emotion, but he could feel the intense sadness creeping over him.

A hand touched Ben’s shoulder. “.....Ben…. it has been over 130 years, your devotion is admirable…but….I think you are okay to love again…I don’t think there is a person on this earth or beyond it who would fault you…I bet if you could ask Shopie what she thought, she would tell you to go for it…”

Ben openly flinched at the mention of her name…He didn’t often speak it out loud… but he didn’t answer Anakin; mainly because the younger man kept going.

“....And….” Anakin stiffened his stance, braced for a verbal or physical attack…. Or possibly both depending on how Ben took the next thing he said…. “...You know you weren’t actually engaged, right?….you had only bought the ring just that day…You never actually proposed.”

He winced, expecting the wolf to take over the man and react violently…

but he had braced for an attack that never came.

Ben instead was looking up a the sky, his stance calm, his breathing even, and his eyes were the crystal blue that belonged to the man, not the golden color of the wolf. When he did speak his voice was hoarse…“But in my mind, I was already committed to her…I had been mentally for some time….I had known her since she was born, our families were always together…it was always hinted that one of my brothers or I would marry someone in their family….”

The silence hung between them, like an oppressive blanket attempting to smother them both.

Collecting his courage, Anakin broke the silence. “Did she ever marry?”

For all the time he had known Ben, he never discussed his human life at length because it always brought him great pain. It had literally taken Anakin about 100 years to get Ben to give fuller, more intricate depictions of his life before the change.

Ben shrugged his shoulders. “I do not know….I assume….I never bothered to follow up on what happened to anyone from old life because…well….because…”

He frowned. “...I hope she did, as much as that stings…she didn’t deserve to be alone because of my fate and stupidity…She was so wonderful…no one that wonderful deserves a lifetime of loneliness and servitude.”

“So why should you be punished? Why should you suffer a fate you wouldn’t wish on her?”

Ben was silent, trying to control his sadness and growing anger that was fueled by bitterness. The wolf wanted to spring out of him and fight with his second in command until he learned his palace, to never question his alpha again….

But that's not who Ben was….not the man, who strived to keep alive every day. The human Ben was open to different opinions, diplomatic and understanding, he would want the input and advice of someone as loyal as Anakin.

Stilling himself, he eventually came back to his original argument.

“….We are monsters…. Even you have to admit there is a degree of danger that comes with dating a human….Around me, she is a liability to herself and she doesn’t know it, and she could become a target for so many other things…”

“That we can protect her from,” Anakin interjected.

Ben eyed him strongly. “We’re not a big pack, we can easily be outnumbered.”

“And that’s because of you Mr. Alpha.” Anakin snapped.

Ben shot him another warning look, now a hint of gold in his eyes, and Anakin scooted back a bit and raised his hands.

“Hey, I’m just saying…we’ve been around a long time” his head gestured back and forth between the two of them… “ …even longer for you, as much as you hate being what you are now, you’ve met a lot of others who are just like us…You could have made our pack a lot bigger and more powerful, not that I’m complaining, I like it just us…”

“I am not a leader, not when it comes to being a werewolf….on a good day I am not even overly joyed at my situation and my anger towards it is something I’ve never let go of…”

Anakin reached out and put a hand on Ben’s shoulder again, attempting to change the direction of the conversation. “I think you should go for it with Emma and let go of this pain….We would have your back no matter what and we want you to be happy, as your family and as your pack..…. Plus, you know what they say, happy alpha, happy pack….”

Despite Anakin’s attempt at a joke to break the tension, Ben was still solemn.

“I’m just so afraid of what could be…what potential dangers live on the horizon….and so ashamed of what I am…I feel that she deserves better…I can never give her a normal life….I am afraid that my very association with her will bring her harm…or us harm…a human can be a problem for a wolf pack if she ends up connected to the pack bonds and something happens to her….”

“Ben, you're spiraling….first off…asking her out on one date isn’t going to change the fate of the universe. Secondly, we’ve done this all before, with Padme…This is the same scenario, she was a human, and I was a werewolf…. we made it work and we can do it again, we already know what to expect..… Just think, we didn’t even have Ahsoka when we brought Padme in, and now we have an extra wolf fo….”

Ben interjected. “Yeah, but you changed Padme within a year and then you two got married…”

“So, we can do the same to her if she wants…” Anakin exclaimed with excitement.

Yet….by the time Anakin realized that there was the potential opportunity to change Emma into a werewolf, he remembered that was the wrong thing to say at this moment…. but it had been too late.

Ben had perfected control over his inner beast a long time ago, but at Anakin’s suggestion, the yellow that shined through his eyes would make anyone think that was a lie.

“NO!” he growled, the sound coming from low and deep in his chest. “She will never be what we are...”

That wasn’t Ben talking….that was his wolf…..

Inside a werewolf, there would always be a dominance battle between the human soul of the person, and the wolf…..Kind of like two people sharing the same space but being connected as one… Even the wolves who were very old and considered themselves to have “dominated” their beast still had to deal with another presence inside of them all the time.

Sometimes a trigger, like what Anakin had said to Ben, could cause the wolf to rise to the surface in an attempt to dominate the situation.

That was never a good thing, that was when werewolves were the most unpredictable.

Very slowly, Anakin backed away slowly realizing that this time he really had ticked his superior off. A smarter person would have taken that as the cue to stop pushing the topic….but Anakain never considered himself that person. He was as dominant as his alpha…possibly even more so. His desire not to lead and stay carefree was what caused his master to assume the role that he had.

Unlike Ben, he was a realist. Anakin kept his voice and body language neutral… “Ben…if you get close to her and you two do…you know, really fall in love..she may want the change so she can be around for…well as long as you are…Padme wanted it when we decided to marry…who are we to stop her….”

“NO!” Ben snarled loudly as the cup in his hands shattered. Coffee and blood covered his hands as the pieces of the broken ceramic clanged on the brick steps as they hit the ground.

The door from the house opened and Padme came outside and handed Ben a wet towel for his hands. She knew bandages weren’t necessary. In a few minutes, the cuts would scab and by the time he went to bed, his hands would be completely healed.

She took the spot Anakin had been occupying and sat down, leaning her shoulder against the house like he had. “As much as I know you don’t want to hear it Ben, Annie is right….I wanted to be with the man I fell in love with forever…his version of forever.”

Ben rolled his eyes.

“....And I was against that….He took your life away Padme…” Ben snarled as he wiped his hands. “...I will not ruin her life that way….and turn her into some kind of vicious creature that she’ll be constantly at war with…no, never.”

Padme was an omega��always the lowest ranking member of any pack, but by no means submissive. Because of her status in the pack, she wasn’t a credible threat to Ben’s wolf and his dominance, thereof she was probably the only person who could or should be talking to him right now about this topic or with him in this state. The fact that she was married and mated to the pack's second….was something that could be ignored at the moment.

Werewolves were tricky. They were very aggressive creatures who liked tradition and hierarchy. Yet, due to the human that he was, Ben had worked hard to negotiate with his wolf and do things differently than other packs did…well, not so different that it was new… but it was enough that it took the wolf half of him some getting used to.

The human side of Ben wasn’t a possessive, aggressive, or territorial person, the opposite really. But Ben was dominant, even as a man. At first, the battle between man and beast had been a brutal one, an inner war that raged and wore Ben out and had taken him years to win.

Eventually, the two beings learned to get along and came to agreements on what each would tolerate.

That was one of the problems in Ben’s pack had that no other pack had….or at least out of the ones that he had come across.

All four pack members were dominant beings, making their wolves more of the leadership type.

Their rankings in the pack were split by hairs; making it very easy for one member of the group to overstep their boundaries…something that could be very dangerous for a werewolf.

For example, Ahsoka technically outranked Padme in dominance, but because Anakin and Padme were married and he was the pack’s second in command, Padme took her rank from her husband.

Sometimes it caused problems, as there were so many dominant people in a small social group. But for the sake of family, they all had learned to control their wolves and stick together as a unit. At the end of the day, pack was important.

“Do you still feel that way now Ben? Are you still against me being in the pack?” Padme's voice was a whisper as her warm eyes stared at the sky.

Anakin smirked, he loved how his wife was so quietly clever, he could see the trap she was laying for Ben, who was too busy brooding and cleaning his bloodied hands to notice.

“Of course not Padme…You’re Anakin’s mate and you’ve become like a sister to me…I value you and your company…I love you…” He said without skipping a beat, his attention focusing on his task had allowed him to speak from the heart.

Leaning forward, she kissed Ben on the cheek, a slightly dangerous thing to do with his wolf so close to the surface; but she trusted him. Another dumb thing for her to do.

Never trust a human whose wolf is that close to the surface.

“And I love you too…You are a brother and alpha all in one….You are my family as much as you are Anakin’s. And, because of that, I want to see you happy…Just give it a chance Ben, if it doesn't work out, we move….”

He sighed. “I don’t want to move just now, not again…Ahsoka just finished her junior year of high school and is about to go into her senior year…”

Anakin rolled his eyes, “Yeah for…what…the thousandth time?”

Padme giggled. “I think she’s gone through 15 high school graduations…Sure, she’s attended more years than that, but she only made it to actual graduation 15 times…”

“Exactly,” Anakin said as he shifted and put his hand on Padme’s shoulder. “If we move I think she will be okay…”

Ben shook his head. “No, a responsible alpha looks after his pack in all areas….she has friends this time, she’s getting good grades for the first time in two decades, and she’s taking care of herself during full moons…. She has a job at the cafe and she enjoys it… she’s fitting in socially, which historically has been hard for her to do…and she really likes it here….”

He shook his head. “No, I put my pack first….”

“And your pack wants you to be happy…Yes…there is no denying that Ahsoka would find it hard to leave, but there’s nothing saying we can’t come back in a year or two… it’s not like she couldn’t stay in touch with the friends she made…she was always good at surviving by herself…Plus….it’s not like she’ll be able to keep up with them…Eventually, we’ll have to move or they will enter into a phase of life that she can not…” Padme’s voice trailed off as she considered the eventual reality.

“But she knows this.” Anakin butted in hoping to save the conversation from becoming sad again. “She was around way before she joined our pack….She’s had connections with people that she’s had to let go of and she knows what to expect…. it's a fact that every werewolf comes to terms with.”

Ben looked at the couple. “Sometimes I forget that she survived 40 years on her own…without us…at times she just…looks so young and helpless….”

As if being summoned by magic, Ahsoka’s tiny indigo-blue Toyota Corolla pulled into the driveway.

One perk of having a mechanic in the family was that Anakin was able to fix any car that was needed or wanted. While the car may not be the newest or the prettiest and they could definitely afford better, Ahsoka had fallen in love with the color and spunk of the little car, which she ended up demanding that her older “brother” turn it into a reliable car.

Stepping out into the warm summer air, she took off the cap that had the coffee house logo on it. Her blue and white blond striped hair shimmered in the moonlight. She looked at them skeptically. “What are you all doing out here? Or are you waiting for something to fall out of the sky?... Which you don’t have to cuz, here I am.” She said with a wide grin.

Anakin smiled and gave her a small wave. “No, we’ve been sitting out here a while despite having heard your car about a mile down the road…I know the way that engine purs anywhere.”

“Ugh, weirdo.” Ahsoka teased as she walked up to the steps of the house.

Looking at the towel in Ben’s now scabbed hands, she became suspicious of why they were really sitting out there. “You okay? You were brooding pretty badly about 45 mins ago..”

Ben threw his head back frustratedly. “Not you too,” he mumbled grumpily.

Shifting her backpack and putting a hand on her hip she gave him a full wave of hr “tude” as Anakin called it. “...Hey, it’s cuz we care….You were the only alpha I agreed to join up with after decades of being a lone wolf, remember that.” Ahsoka crossed her arms. “...Lots of macho creeps had tried to get me into their packs, but I choose you three misfits.”

“That’s cuz you love us.” Padme beamed from below.

“Wholeheartedly.” Ahoksa winked at her.

Turning back to Ben again, she addressed him. “If this is about Emma, you already know how I feel. I am all for it…I really like her and I’ve gotten to know her in the almost two years she’s consistently been coming by the cafe… she is a good soul….”

“Which exactly is the problem.” Ben rasped, to everyone’s collected groans of frustration.

“Oh please Ben, if she wasn’t you wouldn’t be interested. You’ve never even considered anyone else but Sophie…yes, I know…you were “engaged” to her all those years ago, I think you are overdue for something good..…and Emma has dated her fair share of losers, she is overdue for something good as well…” Ahsoka snapped... “I don’t know…,” she threw her hands in the air, “do what you want, but I’d like to see the two of you make each other happy.”

She leaned forward and grabbed his shoulders, looking her alpha in the eye. “The girl quotes Sherlock Holmes readily and owns a bookshop….what more of a green light do you need?”

If Ben was a different type of alpha, Ahsoka’s actions could have had a very different effect and result on the situation…it could have been seen as a challenge or an act of aggression….but Ben wasn’t “that alpha” ….or that type of man.

In fact, it made everyone giggle, even him.

Stepping away from him, she rolled her eyes.

“I’m going to bed, work starts early tomorrow….don’t brood too loudly or please shield your thoughts…Oh, better yet, here's a wild idea…. JUST GO CALL HER.”

“Good night Ahsoka.” Ben drolled.

She shook her head as she maneuvered the steps in between everyone.

“Oh!” She turned around as she reached the door,, “I almost forgot…my friend Hera is having a sleepover Sat. night with some of the girls from the school, can I go?”

“Do you need to ask?” Ben turned to look at her, sporting an amused expression.

Ahsoka blushed. “Not really, no...but…I like to…it just…feels right when I dot.”

Everyone smiled softly. She may be 83 years old in actuality, but there was a part of her that would always be the 17-year-old girl she looked like…..it also meant that after all these years, the lone wolf was starting to enjoy her pack bonds.

“I have no objections,” Anakin whispered.

“Just promise to be safe and keep your phone with you.” Padme pointed her finger at her.

“I promise.” Ahsoka blurted out as her eyes darted to Ben, who as alpha really had the final say.

“Who else is going?” He questioned.

He already knew his answer, but he just wanted some details…sneaky dad-type stuff.

“These two other girls from 4th-period math last year…Sabine, and Bariss….they’re really nice actually… it’s refreshing for people from this generation…”

Ben nodded his head slowly. “Will her parents be home?”

Ahsoka’s eyebrow arched. “....Yes they will, her dad is kinda strict in fact….but I can promise you, no matter the level of harmless mischief we get up to…I am in no danger whatsoever…Trust me, this isn’t that sort of group.”

This was true…if anything, Ahsoka was a danger to all of them. But he knew her and trusted the level of control she had over her wolf…he just liked to make sure she was safe.

Softening his expression, he smiled a toothless smile, his lips pressed together.

“I’m okay with you going as well….Just remember to at least text us before you go to bed so we know everything is all well and good… the sleepover will be taking place the day after tomorrow and the moon will still be relatively full…”

Ashoka squealed before Ben could finish. She leaped forward and hugged him from behind. “Thanks dad! I promise I will.”

Darting into the house and running up the stairs, she hadn’t even fully closed the door behind her. Ben blushed at the term of endearment as he shifted on the steps.

He would never be her father, but it wouldn’t stop him from looking at her like his daughter.

Nodding towards the open door, Ben eyed Padme and Anakin. “See…perfect example, Ahsoka at a sleepover…There was a time when we couldn’t get her to even talk to the other students at lunch…let alone sleep over at their house.”

Anakin surrendered in defeat and got up to go into the house without saying anything. He had enough of trying to persuade Ben for one evening.

Padme scooted closer to her alpha. “I understand, and I agree…I am just as thrilled as you are to see it…but all that means is that everyone is finally secure. Anakin and I are always going to be okay so long as we have each other…Ahsoka is blossoming…so that now means you are the only one left to finally become settled…you have to take care of yourself every now and then…”

She leaned in and kissed the top of his head. “Just be patient with yourself and be open…give her a text and then actually give her a chance…even if you go slow and become friends first, a special friend is a nice thing to have if that's all it ends up being.”

Knowing that Padmes’s words were true in the sense that she believed them and meant them only in goodwill, he decided to put the topic away for the evening, as he knew they weren’t going to reach a unanimous consensus, at least not tonight. For the time being, they would all silently have to agree to disagree.

He smiled. “Ture…thank you, darling, I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Don’t stay out here too long.” She muttered as she went inside and closed the door gently behind her.

Ben snorted a short laugh. This is the one place that would be quiet if he stayed home tonight. Ahsoka was most likely either watching tv or listening to music before she went to sleep…and Padme and Anakin were…well… he knew their nighttime routine before they went to bed.

The joys of supernatural hearing and a small house.

If he stayed outside he would be able to actually think, and he certainly had been given a lot to think about.

He debated changing forms and going for a run to clear his mind….but he knew it would only cause him to dwell further…

Maybe his pack mates had been right.

- - - - - - - - - -

Ben plopped down on his bed, staring at the snow-colored ceiling. Having given up and tired of fighting his restless energy, the nighttime jog he went for around the neighborhood in human form had been what he needed.

He had been agonizing and going back and forth over this decision with himself since everyone had retired for the evening. After coming back, he showered and retreated to the solidarity of his room.

It was 9:00 PM…he knew he needed to do this before it became any later and he appeared rude or awkward.

And waiting till tomorrow wasn’t an option.

He’d be tossing and turning throughout the night, restless as all hell if he put it off any more than he already had… and he had a long day of research ahead of him tomorrow at work.

Picking up his phone, he opened the texting app and choose the correct contact.

The blinking cursor taunted him as it was impatiently blinking, waiting for him to type what he wanted it to say.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he knew it was now it never….he had come to the conclusion that until he just did it and took the leap of faith, he wouldn’t know how it all go.

“What if?” would haunt him. That if he didn’t do it and never found out what could have been between them….then that would really add to his continuous self-loathing and guilt…and drive his curiosity absolutely crazy.

What he had told Anakin was true, he had felt engaged to Sophie long before he bought the ring… in his mind, he had been Shopie’s future husband and she had been his future wife since he started seriously courting her.

That’s how it was back then….You only made serious advances at people you intended to marry.

Even back then when the gesture of a fan or an invitation for a dance meant so much more, Ben wasn’t the type to string girls along or court just to give society something to gossip about….He had believed all the hubbub that had been drilled into him as a child, that marriage was permanent and very serious.

But that had been in the 1870s-80s…..The rules of courtship and dating changed so drastically since then, and he had paid so little attention to that scene after he changed.

Sometimes if he wondered if he could even do it, date like a modern man?

He had 130-ish years to think about something that left him hollow and broken on the inside. How different things were then compared to now…what his romance was like…

But did he really know Shopie…beyond the ideals of a Victorian courtship that is? Did he know her the way couples knew each other today when they got engaged?

No, he didn’t.

He and Sophie had never even been alone longer than 5 minutes without either of their siblings or parents present, or some other third party….he only knew about the person she presented herself to be in public….Not that he imagined the real Sophie was much different…..

As children they had spent more time together in closer contact…it was until they became older that society's rules and expectations for their friendship “changed”....but did that mean she did? The little girl he knew was kind, intelligent, and loved to laugh…the young woman had seemed to be all those things but so much more….reserved.

Being a historian had given him the opportunity and excuse to study the world in which he had grown up in through the eyes of history. From a civilization that advanced and moved on in every way…and he was further in a unique position….he had his own memories that he could compare against books, records, personal accounts….

What had seemed like a rational dating practice in 1885 now seemed obscured….people back then were flying on a wing and a prayer compared to couples today, who were allowed to be themselves….

He had spent 130 years thinking about this, more than any human could have spent.

9:05 P.M.

Now even the clock was taunting him.

Everyone was right….

He had reasoned with himself to the point of madness, this choice was never going to get any easier to make… it was simply now or never…do or do not….

he knew what he needed to….what he wanted to do.

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