PhD defence is TOMORROW holy shit. Time hasn't felt real for the past month. I'm mostly exhausted and can't wait for it all to be over but trying to be at least a little excited for it too because it's a pretty big moment isn't it...

Day 336 of the PhD

Finally finished editing my confirmation document. I sent it off to my supervisors so now it's their problem. But my to do list is still massive so on to the next thing.

You know what would suck

If the zombie apocalypse subsequent fall of society occurred right after you got your PhD

Like all that work for nothing!

Talk about a hardened darkened rage filled apocalypse character lol

Source

The thoughts of your favorite PhD student who likes Zelda (me) after getting a p-value of 0.06

one of my favorite things about reading academic texts is when I see footnotes, and within those footnotes, academics are passive-aggressively roasting each other's conclusions.

if it were tumblr-speak:

academic-man-1: I hate it when CERTAIN PEOPLE headcanon X because it means Y, which is WRONG. #philosophy blorbo #reading comprehension #delusional academic-man-2: CERTAIN PEOPLE know how to read and would know I'm not saying Y because of Z. #critical thinking skills #you're wrong #read the text again

the main conclusion is that when we squabble about our head canons and blorbos, just know that grown adults do it too about their academic blorbos and then roast each other in footnotes, as if they were tags.

it's human nature to squabble about the things that mean a lot to us

Don't let the distance between where you are and where you want to be scare you out of moving forward.

But how?

This fear is like gravity. I can't feel it pulling me down, it is not prominent. It is not in the top of my head and making me fret every moment. It is not crushing or intense, it is not making me implode.

But it is there. It is keeping me from moving. I am paralyzed without even realizing. It has stopped me from being hopeful, or even looking at the future.

What's the cause? The distance between where I am and where I want to be, rather where I have to be. It is so far because I lagged behind once. And I am lagging behind still because the distance is daunting me now.

It's a loop. One thing feeds the other and vice versa. As time passes, the distance just keeps growing and I am standstill right where I was a year ago. And with the distance grows the fear. I get anxious more and more, and even simple tasks feel monstrous now. It is only a matter of time for me to succumb into the loop: to spiral into a blackhole.

How do I get out of this loop? How do I break this loop? How do I not let the distance scare me? Right now, I am all questions and no answers. I am writing this blog post to lift some weight off my chest and put it out in the open.

What helps you in such moments? Have you escaped the loop before? Or, are you too stuck in a loop like me?

30.08.2022 | a head full of memories and a new book stack to start the academic year !

What it feels like talking to people who don’t know how pricey doctoral regalia is. (And that’s without a hood because we don’t wear them at my institution!)

If anyone needs me, I’ll be crying in the fetal position about my impending financial ruin for the foreseeable future. But, there’s nothing better than dropping a grand to motivate me to finish my final chapter (after I properly mourn my savings account being drained, of course) so I get to actually wear it!

Our new home! Wah a lot has happened over the past few months and I'm only just starting to process it all. We knew all along that we were leaving Zurich after I finished my PhD, and vague plans to move to the mountains have been around for years. In early 2023, we started talking about it more seriously and soon realised living IN the mountains (rather than in a town in the valley at the bottom of the mountains haha) would involve buying a house because there aren't really any rentals in the villages around here. We spent a lot of time that winter looking at different places to find areas we liked, and then a lot of time in the summer viewing houses and figuring it all out. We decided on a house in late August, thinking there would be plenty of time to get it all through before the end of the year, that I would defend and then we'd move. As usual, that didn't go to plan and instead we found ourselves driving the 3.5 hours to Valais to sign for the house 4 days before my defence 🤦‍♀️ not ideal and all the uncertainty around the buying and the move combined with the defence stress over all those months really did me in, I'm still exhausted now even though the pace of life has gone from 100 to 0 (okay maybe more like a 10 but still) in the past few weeks. And the house is definitely not without issues 🤣 some of which we knew about, some we didn't, so the actual move in process has also been more exhausting than anticipated. There's also a ridiculous amount of admin involved in moving canton in Switzerland, it's almost like moving to a new country, especially as foreigners. But we survived the first bits, we moved in properly in the days after Christmas, and it's all slowly coming together now, and I love it SO much already. It's so quiet and peaceful, there's a little forest right outside our balcony that has deer walking through it almost every day, they come up all the way to the front door sometimes. Skiing is 10 mins away. It's been pretty cold as we're still figuring out the heating but we have a wood stove and it's so cosy. I love walking down the stairs in the morning in my warm jumper and making tea and meditating and journalling, all the while looking out at the mountains. I'm so burnt out from the end of the PhD and the entire past year it's been hard to take it all in, and it doesn't feel real yet most of the time. But when it does I feel so lucky. And I have a lot of time now, because I'm finally taking that gap year I've been saying for years I will take haha. It won't be an entire year, probably, but it will be a few months at least. Lots of skiing for now and some time to write, finally, getting settled into the house, and then some travelling.

Day 396 of the PhD...

Today it's pelting down rain so I decided it was perfect weather to do some phd work at home in pjs, blaring mamma Mia 😂

It does mean my little assistant Alice is helping, so together, we will have these guidelines finished (hopefully)

Trying to romanticize my life as super tired PhD student. 💫

Source

From @errantscience

This is currently how most of my time is spent. In math and econometrics books ✨🤓

seeking advice

Hello my dear academics - and other various nerds.

I am looking for advice for my current PhD application; I am finalizing my Statement of Purpose and I have space in it to talk about my autism diagnosis and Ianto being a service dog.

However, the dilemma, would it be used against my application or not/ should I wait to hear if I get in before telling them I need accommodations like for a job or should I use it in the essay. This application does not have any sort of 'my struggle' essay to write, just a writing sample - my MA thesis - and the SOP.

I already said in it that I wrote and implemented the Egypt Centre's first autistic accessibility program.... which is literally how I found out I'm autistic. So it does fit in, and I have the space.

But it is a disorder that is discriminated against.

going to tag a few folk but I want as many opinions as you have for me so please comment/re-blog whatever. I have also decided that 1 like = 1 vote to disclose so feel free to just like if you don't feel chatty.

@13faeinapenguinsuit @saintartemis @queenanne1532 @chaotic-archaeologist @autie-j @micewithknives @bundibird @rudjedet @sisterofiris

as usual; the above is a non-exhaustive list of the people on here whose opinion I admire and trust. there are always people I have left off because remembering all y'all's handles is impossible.

Viva coming up, Fitbit alerted that my resting heart rate is up by 10bpm, makes sense