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itsnothingofinterest · 2 days

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Hey 👋 been a while, hope you're doing well?

Regarding the recent bnha chapter, and the ones before it, does it feel like the way things are going that everyone is kind of missing the "point"?

Because yeah, it's great for Deku to finally be seen as a "rising" hero that also inspires everyone, with them all fighting together and the civilians cheering them on.

But is all of that really so different from when All-might fought AFO at kamino? With the heroes helping All-might win and everyone else cheering him on?

It feels like everything has gone in one giant circle up to this point...

It doesn't seem like anyone (except for ochako, shoto and maybe Deku depending on what he does with shigaraki now) has really changed or learned anything.

(Aizawa is in a weird place because kurogiri is doing all work for him by glitching out and helping the heroes now, so aizawa can see that shirakumo is still in there, so he just acknowledges that.)

Because It's true that the civilians did try to "help" the heroes in a recent chapter but looking past the symbolism, all they actually did was give Deku a shirt and the other heroes some bandages or something, it wasn't very moving in my opinion.

And the hero side may take a more nuanced kind of view, with how they deal with aoyama and lesser villains like gentle and la brava, but that doesn't really help anything either.

Because aoyama was practically a hostage and gentle/la brava were the least "villainous" villains ever.

Can I ask what you think about all this?

Hey good to see you too, and yeah I 100% get what you mean. I don't want to act like I didn't like the chapter for the spectacle, but it is lacking something; and I think it's the sense of progress and improvement you're talking about. Because the chapter feels like it wants to have that, but i just don't feel it does.

And so, though I find the chapter rather fun & inoffensive on the whole, I'm still gonna throw some of what I will politely call constructive criticism at it and the last few before it for a bit if you're giving me the chance to.

These past few chapters have just been tossing all else to the side to get all gung ho about Deku and his hero allies becoming the greatest heroes, the heroes they were always meant to be (the kind of black & white story you'd expect AFO to usher in)...and I'm just not feeling it. I mean the team-up montage trivializing all of AFO's moves was cool but I got all style, no substance from it. Just typical hero stuff, comparable as you said to All Might with the other pros at Kamino.

It's like, I've been feeling this real want from both the readers and these latest chapters to say that Deku is surpassing All Might, and this is the moment where it's happening. 422 even talks about Deku's having a 'weakness' All Might lacked let him get up again and inspire others to get up again. But I've said before; Deku hasn't done anything All Might wouldn't in the same circumstance, and I think people who believe otherwise tend to assume AM was a lot less kind & a lot more independent, and Deku a lot less independent, than they are. Plus, All Might was the king of inspiring other heroes and he had to be literally paralyzed to stop fighting so what's that even about?

(Thinking about it; the problem might be that the manga wants to say Deku is more inspiring than AM; but the group we see him inspire to action most by far is fellow heroes, the same group All Might too most inspired to action.)

So yeah, it feels on the whole like we've just come full circle with our wheels spinning where I was hoping we'd move forward by now. And maybe there are a few exceptions where you could see some change, but even for them I question how much.

For one thing: I’m honestly not sure how much of Deku and Shoto’s more nuanced behaviour to their villain foils is from them being better heroes and what’s from Touya and Tenko being exceptions to them. Like, how will Shoto treat the next Dabi he meets if they aren’t his sibling? How will Deku treat a Tomura Shigaraki type that he can’t psychically see the inner child of? Ochako's the only one going against the grain just for the sake of a villain, and even then, it's not like we can expect repeat results. Fun as it sounds, she probably can't date every abused girl she meets and send off to jail.

Not to mention these past few chapters haven't even had any talk of villain saving anyway; no one has come here to save Tomura. I mean, Deku might (though sadly even his intentions must now be qualified with a 'might') but everyone else is here to save their fellow hero and beat the big bad; same as ever.

The civs haven't done anything too noteworthy or out of expectations we would've had for them in the early arcs either: just provide small help ranging from medical aid to one guy's shirt, and then sit back like a cheer squad for the next symbol/pillar while the heroes rush forward to do all the work, inspired by that same symbol/pillar. Maybe that's more than they would've done without the events of ch. 323~325...but that thought is mostly just depressing.

Even the cases of Gentle, La Brava, and Nagant don’t seem like these signs of progress to me; because I’ve said it before, but police asking criminals to catch worse criminals is normal. This has been standard procedure throughout. And Aoyama shouldn't even count and I'm almost angry that the story thinks he does.

Something that kind of caps off all this is how All Might talks about how Deku is his greatest hero; that line Deku was always eventually meant to embody (and apparently always did to AM). And cool as that is to confirm he's met all of All Might's expectations, it also feels like it's saying he's ended his arc; at this point where, if you ask me, he's only gone so far as to match All Might at best in every department besides raw power. Which is fantastic as far as Deku's personal goals go, that's all he's ever wanted; but when it feels like the world of HeroAca needed a guy who could exceed All Might, would could lead the charge for a generation of heroes to exceed their predecessors, it’s a shame that’s a level they’re all content just to meet. And that small shame sours something that should be really cool.

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fictionfixations · 3 days

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Book 7 JP spoilers (recent-est i think)

(recently found out how to do keep reading bits.)

i. have been told what happened

you know this groovy with him crying

i know context now

and

oh my god

my. heart. ughUISHfdi rOOOOK.

(m gonna be honest rook was never my favorite and i honestly didnt know how to feel about him. [to be fair i hated sebek at one point but now im like a huge sebek fan so.] but i think when this gets onto EN and i play through it im just gonna be a huge rook fan man.)

okay

so i know what happens in the story

(also i love this so much this is now in my mind, rook's actual room pre-nrc [except vil's not in an RSA uniform LMFAO. actually if it was PRE-NRC i dont think either of them would have enrolled at a school yet, unless neige is older than vil, or unless RSA doesnt do the same enrollment ages or whatever like NRC)

ACTUALLY SCRATCH THAT NEIGE IS IN HIS 2ND YEAR???

??????? people notice so much oh my god..

wait....

actually do you think neige joined a school because he saw vil join one?? cause. i think he really idolizes vil. (actually kind of makes me think of cheka idolizing leona)

huh. random thought.

i mean i only know a summary of it (im fine with spoilers ngl and i dont care even if you shove like a fully translated post of the entire chapters and stuff.. i just like seeing story that i dont mind rereading)

but like man. its gonna break me when we're there for that moment. (in EN)

dont want to say anything in case there's an EN person here. and i mean if they're spoiling themselves all the more power to them but i also feel like its one of those things that are a LOT more impactful when you encounter it for the first time so im just. not gonna try to learn more about it and wait. (although its like. JP is in Part 8 i think, we're in Part 4??? that seems so far away sob. but also we gotta finish lilia's dream first so...)

im just. sadge. (also idk what vil's dream is but i think we end up seeing it. unless it was actually a render of him from rook's dream, which i wouldnt think is too far off. but also--)

THIS IS APPARENTLY CANON?

I SAW IT AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A JOKE BUT THEN I RAN INTO IT AGAIN??? and its like. LISTEN. he looks so goofy i cant... epel. i love you. but oh my god (i cant take you seriously im SORRY im DEAD)

also he's still in pomefiore which is cool (he accepted his cuteness! although i dont know how much of a weapon his cuteness would have now..?. you think he snaps out of it cause ppl might laugh at him [and then he beats them up] but he still gets irritated cause what the heck im not cute anymore--- [..wait. i was never cute. what am i on about.] ...i keep overusing the word cute and i know he wouldnt use it himself but i have a very small vocabulary.)

im just.

i dont know how to feel about this ??? (it feels more cursed than hatless rook. i can at least pretend he isnt hatless. but like. epel..)

also vil in rsa /neg /hj (the rsa uniform looks so bland and i like him in darker colors)

okay im gonna be honest i have a dislike against RSA. and thats honestly because im petty and hold grudges.

also i like my villain boys and i just want them to win (..yknow. i really dont think GloMas counts when the RSA boys were actually nice enough to like. ..take hits for them??? and then we were planning on leaving them like LMFAO 'not my problem')

so yeah.

actually wait if rooks dream takes place in VDC how the fuck

WHO IS NRC TRIBE????

CAUSE VIL'S IN RSA WITH NEIGE?? HELLO??? WHAT.

WE'RE NOT WINNING WHAT THE HELL

(unless our role in the dream is to drop a jawdropping performance [idfk do we have diasomnia boys minus lilia(? i honestly dont know how lilia's dream ends and if he joins us) and malleus???)

but listen. if vils the best. and neige is the best.

we're so. not winning..? (i was going to ask if it was gonna be like rook this time voting for NRC and thats how we win. but like. HELL no are we gonna have it be split 50/50 again like that)

anyway i am still very excited and so pumped and oh my god fhsuihe

i find it so funny that at the start of the post i was so crushed like 'oh my god...' cause angst and then here i am doing a complete 180

EDIT: hold on. i didnt think to think about it but now that we know what his room looks like

thats his bed. you can see the neige part. and that thing he's holding onto is like the movie poster (or i assume its a movie poster) with vil and neige

ngl i saw some people linking it up to like the hunter crying on snow white's dress

which. i never saw this movie so like (i dont even want to know what happened but also these movies are OLD. also in like sleeping beauty?? i saw the animated of once upon a dream or something like that and mans just comes up to her out of nowhere. no warning and holds her and sings and im just like brUH if you did that id fucking hit you like WHAT???)

also i just noticed his muscles goddamn.

#thoughts #twst jp spoilers #twst jp #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #twst book 7 #twst book 7 spoilers #pomefiore #rook hunt #vil schoenheit #epel felmier

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perksofbeingpoet · 3 days

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Would the dps boys like the 2023 Barbie movie/how would they react to it?

☆ THE POETS' THOUGHTS ON BARBIE ☆

(please bare in mind that these are teenage boys in the 60s)

NEIL: not really his kind of movie (he's one for indie arthouse stuff, and all the poets tease him about just wanting to sound cool and different), but loves the portrayal of struggles slowly chewing away at Barbie, resulting in a breakdown, and then the reveal of it all belonging to the human experience. It makes him feel understood in a small way. Plus he thought the Kens were hot but shhh

TODD: loves 👏 the 👏 colours 👏 the whole pastel vibe is super calming to him and he likes the music, and that end bit with the trees and montage bits? it definitely touches him, kinda like Keatings speeches do, plus it was his first entry to mainstream feminism (seeing that the boys literally have like zero contact with girls), giving him a chance to maybe do some research from then on!

CHARLIE: hot take but charlie would be annoyed by its portrayal of women's struggles, he'd totally be the type of guy to like chuckle a bit when the speech about how women have to be way too many things at once comes up. i know the book is not canon and the worst but there's a scene in there where charlie gets annoyed at Gloria being like "oh it's nice that you don't just wanna make out with me but also care about my inner values" and i think that is kinda true to Charlie (at least seeing how he pretends to create poetry for the girls to show off)? Ultimately, he did want girls to join Welton just so the boys could stop "beating off", and he is just a 16 year old boy when it comes down to it- so I think that he'd love the music and would definitely identify with Ken, but I'm afraid to say he'd make fun of the feminist aspect. He has room to grow though! I genuinely believe that Charlie learns and gets better <33

KNOX: LOVES it. Come on, tell me knox isn't absolutely in love with the movie and forces the poets to watch it again because this time he wants to sing along. Oh also think he'd talk about it with Chris to like see if she shares the experience described in the movie, and knox is pretty shocked to learn that huh, women do experience discrimination?? Tries his best to be extra nice and thoughtful afterwards

MEEKS: thought it was good, but could have been better. Meeks is definitely the poet with the most education on the women's rights movement and expected something a bit more fierce or outgoing, but he still appreciates that you have to please the masses and for people who know nothing about feminism at all, like most of his friends, it's a good starting point. Laughed SO much about the horse jokes.

PITTS: thought it was funny. didn't think about the message too much, just enjoyed the music and storytelling, plus he was a big fan of the reference at the beginning! Learns the I'm just Ken choreo with Knox, and has the songs stuck in his head for the next days.

CAMERON: surprisingly moved by it. I think he'd recognise both his parents in Barbie and Ken. I'm also of the belief that Cameron is super insecure, so I think that he'd identify with barbie a LOT, but feels kinda weird about that. Doesn't say much when asked about how he liked the movie by the others.

@folkloreforever sorry I took so long!

♡ please feel free to send me asks about the poets or dps in general, or even if you just wanna say hi! i love hearing from you guys! ♡

#dead poets society #dps fandom #dps #dead poets headcanons #neil perry #todd anderson #charlie dalton #knox overstreet #gerard pitts #stephen meeks #richard cameron #barbie #dead poets society fandom #dps headcanons

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grailfinders · 2 days

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Grailfinders #341: Mary Anning

hey y’all! would you like-a talk-a dino? no? too bad, here’s Mary Anning anyway. she’s an arcane trickster rogue to sell literal rocks to people at a profit (and get a cool dog), plus a primeval druid to summon a lightning-spitting plesiosaur. and i thought jurassic park was taking liberties…

check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

next up: shouldn’t he be istanbullos by now?

Ancestry & Background

despite having nautiluses for hair, Mary is still a Human, so she gets +1 Dexterity & Intelligence, as well as proficiency in Nature (old nature sure, but still nature) and the Tough feat for an extra 2 HP per level. she also used to be a sickly child before being nursed to health by a literal bolt of lightning yes that’s a thing that happened so she’s definitely being Rewarded by something. that gives her Insight and Persuasion proficiency, as well as the Skilled background for more proficiency in Mason’s Tools, Athletics, and History.

Ability Scores

your Intelligence should be as high as it can go. we don’t actually need it here, but you were the first person to figure out what an Ichthyosaur is (not a dinosaur) and what coprolites are (not something you want to touch bare-handed). second is Wisdom. half the difficulty of paleontology is finding the damn things. the other half is dodging the rockslides, which is why your Dexterity is also pretty high. this does mean your Charisma is lower than I’d like. you’re a fine saleswoman, but you didn’t get a lot of credit for the work you did. this means your Constitution is middling, and your Strength is as low as it gets. thankfully you can just reanimate the fossils now, so carrying them’s a lot easier.

Class Levels

1. Rogue 1: if we want to find fossils, you need to be damn good with a chisel first. also I’m not making the same mistake I made with Galatea, I’m not going to figure out how to have you wield a hammer in one hand and a chisel in the other officially, sorry. on the plus side, no matter how you use that chisel you can still Sneak Attack with it, adding 1d6 to the damage done as long as you have advantage on the attack or another friend next to them. all fossils are restrained (by rock), so you shouldn’t have any issue getting advantage. you also learn Thieves’ Cant, which is really just Cockney. finally, your Expertise in Nature and History will double your proficiency bonus when you make checks about old animals or natural history. suck it, publications!

also as a rogue you get proficiency in Dexterity and Intelligence saves, as well as Deception, Investigation, Perception, and Sleight of Hand, bc god knows you didn’t have enough skills just yet.

2. Rogue 2: second level rogues get a Cunning Action each turn, letting you dash, disengage, or hide as a bonus action. the early paleontologist gets the bone, as the assuredly real saying goes.

3. Rogue 3: we haven’t picked up all your fossil-hunting gear just yet- we still need some explosives, and a dog. thankfully, we can get both of those from being an Arcane Trickster! now you can cast spells using your Intelligence! okay I guess we actually did need that. anyway, your spell list is pretty restrictive, with only one spell that can be freely picked from the wizard spell list. the rest all have to be enchantment or illusion spells.

but before we talk spells, let’s talk Cantrips! Thunderclap will help remove solid rock, while Mold Earth will dig through loose dirt real fast. you also get Mage Hand which comes with its own Legerdemain, and that’s going to be Tray for this build! just have it do the dog shadow puppet thing to really sell the flavor. the original mage hand lasts a minute and is a floating ghost hand/dog that sticks near you, and you can use your action to move it and have it pick up objects, open doors, grab stuff from containers, or pour out liquids. you know, basic dog tricks. the legerdemain makes your dog a little more special, letting it pickpocket people, pick locks, and turn invisible. those are less doglike, but you can do all of those plus the og stuff as a bonus action now too.

as for your spells, Mage Armor will help you not die, Distort Value will help you sell rocks for enough money to live on, and Illusory Script will help you get out of whatever shitty contract super bunyan tried to force on you.

one last thing- you can use Steady Aim to give yourself advantage as a bonus action, so long as you haven’t moved yet and don’t plan on doing so this turn. the rocks are generally stationary, so it should be fine.

okay, okay, the real last thing- your sneak attack deals 2d6 extra damage now. this is what happens when you can afford the good chisels.

4. Rogue 4: fourth level rogues get their first Ability Score Improvement, so improve that Dexterity while you’re here. yes the rocks don’t move much, but you still have to worry about your AC. in the same “not getting hit” vein, you get Color Spray this level. this one’s just pocket sand. blast it in peoples’ faces and they go blind for a round.

5. Rogue 5: fifth level rogues have an Uncanny Dodge. whenever you’d take damage from an attack, you can use your reaction to take half damage instead. ideally you wouldn’t get hit at all, but it’s not like you can afford platemail. speaking of damage though, your sneak attack deals 3d6 damage now.

6. Rogue 6: sixth level rogues get another round of Expertise, so double down on Perception and Persuasion to find and sell fossils.

7. Rogue 7: seventh level rogues learn Evasion, which means every time you have to make a dexterity save you only take half damage on a failure and no damage on a success. your job consisted of going to rockslide mountain during rockslide season but you didn’t die until breast cancer took you out, there’s clearly something going on there.

also you learn Dragon’s Breath. it’s a secret tool that will help us later. for right now, your sneak attack deals 4d6 damage!

8. Druid 1: at level one, druids also learn Spells, which they use their Wisdom to cast. since we’re mixing spellcasters, you’ll have to check the PHB to figure out how many spell slots you have at any one time.

first, cantrips. Shillelagh lets you turn a club into a magical club that uses your wisdom to hit, so I guess if you really want to use a hammer, now you’ll be slightly better at it. you can also use Druidcraft to figure out the weather for today. I don’t know if rockslides count as “weather” exactly, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

as for your spells, druids can prepare spells from their whole list every day, so I highly recommend checking out whatever suits your fancy. the only spell I think is in-character right now though is Faerie Fire. sadly we can’t make it only work for women, but it’ll make it impossible for anyone hit by it to turn invisible, and attacks against them have advantage.

9. Druid 2: second level druids enter a circle, and the Circle of the Primeval was practically made for you! before we get into that we do need to mention your Wild Shape real fast, though you’re not using it if you’re staying in character- I’ll just say for now you could use it twice per short rest. more importantly, you can use those two per rest charges to summon a Primeval Companion instead! with this, you can summon a medium plesiosaurus that you can order around with your bonus action. it can’t swim just yet, but he’s just getting started! (this is where Dragon’s Breath comes back in, now you can have him shooting lightning right out the gate. or yourself, if you want.)

also, as a Keeper of Old, you can add a d4 to your history checks.

(and I will say now that yes, you could use wild shape charges to summon a Wild Companion if you want Tray to be a real dog, but that would mean he’d have an actual HP bar and I’m just not ready to deal with that.)

10. Druid 3: third level druids learn second level spells! Enhance Ability gives you advantage in one kind of ability check of your choice, while Locate Object can help you locate the nearest fossil. it’s kind of like cheating, but fuck it!

11. Druid 4: fourth level druids get a Wild Shape Improvement, so while plesi can’t swim yet, you can. somehow. also your Dexterity goes up again. also also you can cast Guidance now to give yourself or a friend a d4 to their next skill check, for when you really need to sell this next fossil.

12. Druid 5: fifth level druids learn third level spells! Conjure Animals is your go-to for your noble phantasm, letting you summon a bunch of smaller fossils all at one go, but you can also use Elemental Weapon if you want some electrical attacks for yourself too.

13. Druid 6: now that you’re a proper Prehistoric Conduit, you can cast spells as though they came from your plesiosaur. this means you can cast Dragon’s Breath on him without even having to touch him! given that he’s probably in the thick of battle, that’s most likely for the best. also, if he gets caught up in one of your spells, he gets advantage on his save against its damage and evasion for said spell, regardless of what kind of save it is.

14. Druid 7: seventh level druids get fourth level spells, like… actually there isn’t really any I want. maybe Elemental Bane if you can find a non-spell way to deal lightning damage? otherwise just upcast conjure animals.

15. Druid 8: eighth level druids get another WSI, so now you can fly if you want. also you can use your ASI to start improving your Charisma for better sales pitches.

16. Druid 9: ninth level druids get fifth level spells, and while Plessy doesn’t really talk much he’s probably a lot smarter than most dinosaurs, so I still think Awaken is a good pick for him. this’ll make the animal or plant you use it on sentient permanently, and it will be your friend for up to a month. past that point, how it feels about you is up to it.

17. Druid 10: let’s grab Mending real quick before we go into the level, I imagine your clothes probably get torn up pretty often in this line of work. also you now share a Titanic Bond with your living fossil, making it large enough to ride around on and it can finally swim! as a bonus, once per turn you can try and frighten a creature when you hit it with an attack or spell. everyone’s seen jurassic park by this point, they know not to stand near dinosaurs.

18. Druid 11: as we near the end, you can finally grab sixth level spells like Move Earth. for up to two hours after casting, you can reshape dirt, sand, or clay in a 40’ area that can be moved around, with each change taking ten minutes. also worth noting, this doesn’t work on stone or stone structures, so any rock formations might collapse if you use this too much. Make Sure Nothing You Love Is Under the Rocks.

19. Druid 12: use your last ASI to bump up your Charisma again! with a charisma score like that you could even make a 19th century englishman respect… well, literally anyone who isn’t also a 19th century englishman.

20. Druid 13: for our final level you gain access to seventh level spells, but again there aren’t really any I want. sorry to end it on a sour note, but now you can upcast your animal conjuring and lightning breath, so that’s neat!

Pros & Cons

Pros:

druids have access to some powerful aoe spells, and while we only really use Dragon’s Breath in this build, being able to shoot them out of a large creature means you can make those aoes even bigger, for free, and odds are Plesi’s gonna be just fine on top of all that.

as a rogue, you like having people around you. as a druid, you can make people around you. well, dinosaurs. still, everything goes with sneak attack, so you can pretty much guarantee that extra damage whenever you want.

rogues are always great at skill checks, and you take that to a whole new level. as long as you have anything to sell, your party will never have to worry about their budget. also, while we got a lot of skills for buying and selling, most of them are open-ended enough that they can be used for any skill check you want!

Cons:

it takes a while for this build to reach something I’d call a finished state. while it works fine for most of the game, riding around on a plesiosaurus is kind of the dream, and you can’t do that until level 17.

a lot of your spell list is spent on utility spells, and while they aren’t necessarily bad, it’s hard to think of when you’d really want the ability to dig for two hours over say, a fireball. they don’t even break rock, so good luck getting to actual fossils with Mold Earth.

both druid and rogue are pretty greedy classes- they both want you to focus on them as much as possible. because of this, we get neither a big sneak attack bonus nor druid’s busted capstone ability, which is rough. it’s not the end of the world since you’d probably never see any capstone ability used in regular D&D anyway, but still.

#fgo #fate grand order #D&D 5e #DND #Mary Anning #Rogue #Druid

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inkskinned · 1 year

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this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

#spilled ink #writeblr #:) lol . anybody notice how i write about dads in second person exclusively #me: haha silly cartoon #also me: ): this child is not getting what they need #also btw this is about a father but it might apply to any parent or caregiver #there's a really weird space of like #''this person was technically around me but either ignored me or was actively harmful to me''#and like u learn this very strange ritual of like... this person is my parent/caregiver on a technicality #that you almost spend all ur time with them like... tiptoeing and acting as THEIR parent so u don't upset them.#like you're 17 and ur mom is suddenly hit by a wave of wanting to talk to you so she's like :) lets make breakfast together :) and ur like #uhhhhhh okay?? bc you feel like this is absolutely going to go wrong and is why u usually make breakfast alone #and she starts being like: THIS is called a TEASPOON ... & u know all this stuff but you also know to just be very quiet #bc if you say like ''mom ive been making this breakfast every day since i was 13'' she would FREAK OUT and be like #DONT ACT LIKE I NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU DONT ACT LIKE I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU. FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL .#so u have to smile like ur a preschool teacher and be like. OH COOL! i didn't know A CUP existed! tell me MORE! :)

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