My laptop charger died. New one gets here on Sunday :/

Your Needs, My Needs

I : Strawberry Wine

a masterlist of how you can help gaza

the prelude to this series

pairing: cowboy!joel x f!reader (no outbreak)

description: joel fixes your toilet but you can't help but yearn for more time with him. so you invite him to dinner and try to win his stomach? aka love?

word count: 3.2k words

warnings: there is no smut in this part. still MINORS DNI! no use of y/n! vague talk of reader's old life before texas, no real description of the reader, reader does have anxiety/mental illness that is not fully recognized/diagnosed, mentions of eating food, reader lives alone, reader got MONEYYYY, mentions of joel's ex wife (gasp), alcohol consumption, smoking cigarettes, kissing, flirting. all the fluffy stuff <3

author's note: hey...hey.... how y'all doing?? i'm so so so sorry this has taken so long. my life has been crazy for the last like 4 months and I'm finally getting settled into my life again. I miss y'all and I miss writing, so HERE I AM! I'm hoping everyone who wanted me to tag them months ago is still cool with me tagging them 4 months later lol. okay, lemme know what you think xoxo

Joel comes and goes for days. The first day he returns, he inspects your toilet again and tells you he has the wrong tools. You discuss a game plan and by his initial projections, your toilet should be fixed the next day. But when he fails to come by in the morning, you decide to call the phone number on the post-it note he left for you the day before. 

The phone rings and you get an answering machine of a younger girl telling you to leave her and Dad a message after the beep. When the line lets out a long ding, you breathe out the random croak in your throat. 

“Uh, hey, Joel, it’s me. Just seeing if you’re stopping by today. If not, that’s fine, I’ll be home all day today and tomorrow. Okay, uh, bye.”

Hours go by and you find yourself pacing, regretting your decision to leave him a message. What if he gets it and thinks that you’re crazy? 

Ever since you had made his acquaintance, you felt completely reliant on interacting with him. It may be due to the fact that you haven’t socialized with anyone else in months. You were very good at isolating yourself, but lately, it’s been eating you alive being so alone. Now that you had this big house, the silence felt almost too quiet. Joel’s southern drawl and straightforward responses gave a bit of light back to your life. 

Around dinner time, your landline rings. You practically fall over your couch racing to pick it up, hoping it was him. 

“Howdy neighbor,” He grunts through the phone, “Sorry I didn’t come by today, hope ya didn’t miss me too much.”

You let out a dry laugh, trying not to sound too giddy about him following up with you. You were borderline pathetic. 

“No, I just wanted to make sure you were still alive,” You manage to get out, “You are still alive right?”

“Still kickin’, just busy as all get out. ‘M fixin’ to head to your place now if you’re not busy.”

You look down at your pajamas and start to nod. It’s not like he can see you through the phone, but you are reacting to his words like he’s right in front of you. 

“Sure thing, I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

-

“So… It’s really just you here? All by your lonesome?”

He’s messing with his toolbox, searching for the one tool he needs to fix the toilet. You stir your fresh brewed tea, ensuring none of the sugar clumps up at the bottom of the mug. You had offered him some, but he politely declined, telling you that he had a big dinner.

You take a sip, testing the sweetness. “Just me. How about you? Just you and your daughter, right?”

He laughs heartedly, turning towards you from where he’s squatted. You look at him with curious eyes, unsure if you asked the wrong question. He stands up, a wrench in his hand, a smile still spread across his face. 

“Her mama left town with her new boyfriend about 5 years ago. Wanted the city life, not the life I gave her. It’s been just me and her ever since.”

So he’s single. You think to yourself. 

You realize the laugh was probably because of how absurd and new it must be for someone to ask him about his life. He grew up here and you are positive everyone here already knew all about his business. You are a breath of fresh air for him. 

Before the silence becomes awkward, you speak up. “City life ain’t worth a shit.”

“Yeah, she’s different. Won’t speak ill of her ‘cause that’s my bosses’ mama. She sees her now and again. They are just very different.” 

The conversation comes easy with Joel. While the first couple of interactions you two shared were a bit strained, after days of small talk, you realize he’s the truest Southern gentleman you’ve ever interacted with. Polite with a little bite. He never speaks ill of others, except his brother. He loves to pick on Tommy. He seems like an attentive father. He loves to pick at you, always pointing out your Northern tendencies. Your horrible driving. Your accent and your speech patterns. But he’s also very complimentary. A couple of days ago, he remarked how nice your perfume was when you were standing close to him. It made your heart skip a beat. 

And on top of all of those things, he’s very easy on the eyes. 

“That’s mighty fine of you not speaking ill of your ex,” You try to drag out the silly Southern saying, which causes him to chuckle again. You smack your lips before continuing, “Wish I could do the same.”

You are not sure what he’s doing to the tank of your toilet, but you watch him strain to get a piece out of the corner with the wrench he has. He clenches his teeth, turning the piece to the left to loosen it. 

“Exes are exes for a reason,” He grunts, fiddling with some more things in the tank, “I ain’t too hung up on datin’ right now. I got my girl and my horses.”

“And now you got me, your annoying neighbor who almost crashes into your horses and asks you to fix toilets.”

He breathes out loudly, “Yeah, ‘nother pain in my ass. Just what a man needs.”

-

The toilet is fixed too quickly. You had busied yourself with other small cleaning tasks that when Joel finds you in the kitchen doing dishes, he startles you. It took him about 15 minutes to finish the job and you had thought you could at least finish up the dishes you made from dinner. 

“‘M all finished up. Gotta get back home to do some rounds at the stables,” He says as he waltzes over to your paper towel holder. He grabs a sheet and begins to wipe his damp hands, “Anythin’ else for me today?”

You turn off the running water, going down a list of fixes you could ask him to do. You decide it’s probably best to just ask him to swing by another day to help you with other things. 

“No, thank you though, Joel. I am sure I’ll be by to ask for more help,” You chuckle, shaking your hands dry, “I owe you dinner or something.”

As you say it, it feels like all the air leaves your lungs. He’s staring at you and there’s a glint in his eyes. You are not that good at reading people, mostly because you are deathly afraid of being wrong. His eyebrows raise as he leans against the counter near you. He’s so close and in your space, but you try to push the thought of him coming onto you out of your mind. 

“What’do you got on the menu tomorrow?”

His voice is kind of husky which makes your brain draw a blank. You wipe your hands on your pants before crossing the kitchen to check your fridge. You glance through your ingredients, settling for the only dinner item you can conjure up that his southern palette may like. 

“Baked chicken and vegetables?”

He nods, tossing his paper towel into the bin beside you. “Yeah, I've been needing a home-cooked meal. Think I could come over at like 5? Tomorrow?”

You recollect a time when a guy showed interest in wanting to hang out with you outside of work. It had been years and he was not nearly as attractive as the man in front of you. 

You nod slowly, trying not to look too robotic due to your nerves. “Sure thing, cowboy.”

-

You did not know what to wear. You contemplated going into town to see what the local boutiques had but you ran the risk of Joel seeing you out. You didn’t even know if this was a date. 

You settle on a sundress you have owned since high school. It’s the perfect length and while your mind goes to wanting to impress Joel, you also need to be comfortable. 

You cleaned your house, adding some new decorations to your living room walls. You even clean your sheets and make sure your bedroom is vacuumed. 

When the time comes for Joel to arrive, you pace the kitchen anticipating the doorbell. You already had all the food prepped and ready to put in the oven. The vegetables have been cut and seasoned. Everything was just the way you needed it to be. 

Joel gets there 5 after your scheduled time. When you welcome him at the door, his hair is styled and you can tell he put on his “fancy jeans”. 

What you didn’t expect was the bouquet of flowers he had in his hands. 

“Afternoon, neighbor,” He begins before extending the floral arrangement towards you, “My girl said I had to bring you something nice. Somethin’ bout being a gentleman.”

You smile widely, giving flowers all your attention. Even with the fragrant bouquet, you get a whiff of his sandalwood cologne. 

“Nice to see you cleaned up for me, cowboy. Come on in, dinner is about to get put in the oven.”

-

You catch him scanning you up and down when you place the spread of chicken and vegetables on the table. He was in the midst of talking about his daughter and her band fundraiser, but he completely halted when you took notice of his staring. 

You settle into the dining room chair across from him, waiting for him to continue, but he doesn’t. 

“She needs more sponsors?” You break the silence, wanting to move away from the sudden awkwardness. 

He swallows, reaching for the serving fork, “Oh, yeah. She needs to reach a certain goal to go on her senior band trip.”

You try to avoid his wandering gaze again, focusing on organizing your plate of vegetables. “Where are they going?”

“Disney. She ain’t never been out of Texas, so she really wants to go.”

You remember all the trips your family said they’d go on to Disney, but they never did. Your father could not stand being around his own children, let alone other people’s children. You think about how he used to complain about your constant questions, all the times he completely ignored you for your brother. You start to spiral, the anxiety creeping up in the back of your throat. You push your chair out from under the table, excusing yourself for a moment. You go to the bar you have set up in the living room and grab the only sweet wine you have. Strawberry. You grab two glasses from the top of the setup and walk back to Joel. 

“Forgot wine,” you mumble, setting a glass in front of him, “You want some?”

He is already picking at his chicken, “Yeah, I’ll take some.”

You are quiet as you uncork it expertly, pouring it into each of the glasses. Joel watches you like a hawk. You can tell he’s trying to read your expression, so you try your best to remain neutral even though your hands are shaking. 

You place the bottle in the middle of the table, making sure it’s easily reachable. 

You finally sit back down, sipping the red liquid. The strawberry flavor isn’t very strong, it’s more like a hint of the berry. You had gotten the bottle from a roadside stand in Kentucky. An older lady who must have owned a vineyard nearby was selling them for $5 each. You told yourself you would only use it for a special occasion. This event seemed fitting. 

Wine always makes you flushed, but you are always a bit flushed around Joel. Even more so when he’s watching you so intently. 

After a couple of sips, you finally rest your shoulders and begin to eat your dinner. 

“I could sponsor her,” you finally say, returning to the previous conversation. For some reason, you felt obligated. Joel quickly retaliates, shaking his head as he chewed on your roasted veggies. 

“You ain’t gotta do that, doll.” 

The nickname rings in your ears. You take another sip of wine. You can tell Joel notices your reaction because he smirks with his mouth full. 

“But I want to, Joel. I’m sure she has worked hard her high school career, she deserves to have fun.”

He hums, but still shakes his head negatively, “I can’t let you just pay for-”

“You can and you will,” You enjoy another bite, smirking at your defiance towards him. He looks perplexed. “So when is this fundraiser? Is there like a dinner or something?”

He finally caves, “This Friday at the school. It’s a dinner and auction. I guess if the kids don’t find their sponsors, some local businesses are willing to sponsor them.”

“Are you going?”

“Yeah,” He cuts up his chicken, “I guess you’re gonna come along, too, if you’re givin’ my girl all that money.”

“Does a check work?”

He sits back in his chair, already finishing off his wine, “You seriously don’t have to-”

“What are neighbors for, Joel?”

He nods, “You mean friends.”

You furrow your brows, trying to let your hazy mind find a time when you called him your friend. This was a new development.

“Friends, huh?”

He pours more in his glass, “Well, I’d like to think so.”

The wine is hitting your system and you realize your arms feel lighter. You grab the stem of your glass and tip it up to down the rest of the alcohol. Joel’s eyes are trained on you, waiting for a snarky response. 

“Do friends stare at other friends like that?” You pour more wine for yourself. You realize he’s done eating so before he can respond to your flirtation, you speak up again, “You done with that?”

He looks down at his empty plate, “Yes, ma’am.”

“Yes friends look at other friends like that, or you’re done eating.”

He grins, “‘m done eating, doll.”

-

You two find your way out to the rocking chairs. They were left there by the previous owners and you could tell they were probably as old as you. 

You had another full glass of wine, sipping it as Joel lit up a cigarette. He admitted it was only a bad habit when he was drinking, which was rare. “Sarah gets onto me when I have even one beer. So this has gotta be between us two.”

You swirl the crystal, watching him carefully take a drag of the stick. “Your secret is safe with me, cowboy.”

He giggles as he lets out a huff of smoke. “I haven’t had secrets in a long time. Guess I’m lucky it’s with the town stranger.”

The statement hits you in the very pit of your settling tummy. You furrow your eyebrows, leaning forward towards him. Your chairs are not that far away from one another, so this is probably the closest you have ever been to him except for that one moment in the kitchen. 

“Luckiest man in Texas that’s for sure,” You muster, averting your eyes. You could not stare into his beautiful brown eyes for too long. “Having the privilege of getting me out of my head. No man has done that in years.”

“What? You not good at letting loose?”

You shake your head, knowing that he did not understand what you meant. You take a moment to inhale, finally glancing up at him again. “I think I may just be cursed.”

“Now, why do you say that?”

You contemplate spilling the beans. Letting your heart fall onto your sleeve after years of shielding it from anyone who looks your way. Your lips part, but no words come out. It’s just the sounds of the cicadas. 

“As soon as something is good, it gets bad somehow. I don’t even get a moment to savor it.”

You feel the statement down to your bones. The last time you felt settled in your own life, the rug got pulled out from under you. You cannot remember a time when you truly felt present in a special moment. You always felt like you were floating outside of your body, watching things happen and never really truly feeling anything. 

You don’t expect him to lean closer to you, “Whatever happened before you got here, you ain’t gotta worry about it anymore. You obviously put distance between you and what happened for a reason. Let this little side of the world be your home now.”

You push your spiraling thoughts away, letting him be right. 

“I’m workin’ on getting settled. It’s easy when you have a handsome cowboy to help along the way.”

It comes out like word vomit. Between the wine and the nerves coursing through your entire being, you can’t help but admit your little crush on the man. You slap your free hand over your forehead, admitting defeat before he can even respond. You knew he would take the comment and run with it.

“You always flirt with your friends, sweetheart?” He was toying with you, which was a good sign. If he wasn’t interested, he wouldn’t call you such a thing. 

You smile, releasing your face from your hand. His eyes are tracing every curve of your face, a subtle pass that you did not capture quickly enough. 

“Only ones that fix my toilets.”

And then, he kisses you. It happens so quickly, that you don’t fully grasp that it’s happening until you're molding your lips into his. Once your buzzed brain picks up the fact that the man you have been crushing on is kissing you, he pulls away. Your eyes are still closed, your hands still gripping onto your wine glass. 

He huffs loudly and stands up quickly. Once you place your eyes on him, he’s pacing around the back deck stairs, not too far from where you’re sitting. You instantly bite back the urge to ask him what’s wrong, because there’s always something wrong. 

“‘M sorry, sweetheart. I should’na done that.”

He instantly regretted it. The thought made your throat tighten. He continues to walk back and forth, causing a draft. 

“It’s fine, Joel. I’m n-not mad.”

He shakes his head, halting his robot-like movements. He finally looks at your pitiful expression and lets out a long sigh. “I don’t think I’m much of a gentleman, kissing you on the first date.”

You watch as he places his hands on his hips, contemplating his whole life right before your eyes. You realize he is too traditional to see that nowadays, people are sleeping together on the first date. First base is nothing. You rest your glass on a decrepit table next to you and stand up. 

You slowly approach him, trying to catch a glance from him, but he continues to avert his eyes. You grow bold enough to tilt his chin towards you, letting your guard down for a moment. 

“You’re such a gentleman, it hurts,” you whisper, slowly letting a smirk grow across your face. The comment makes his shoulders lower, finally relaxing from such a heated moment. 

“Just don’t wanna mess this up with ya,” He murmurs, only letting you and the nearby fireflies hear you, “I enjoy spending time with you.”

You slowly lower your hand to your side, trying to act casually about the confession. But the truth is you want to run and wake up every cow and horse within a 10-mile radius with a squeal of delight. 

“I like spending time with you, too, Joel.”

He takes your hand as you say it, bringing your knuckles up to his lips. His breath is hot on the back of your hand before he says, “Well now, I quite like the sound of that."

taglist (some of y'all can't be tagged, I tried lol)

@midnightdragonzero @casssiopeia @anoverwhelmingdin @notsosecretspy @raindrcpsangel @art-estrange @misstokyo7love @lizzie-cakes @d1lf-loverrr @ashleyfilm 

@blckbrrybasket @cande-beggins @gloryekaterina @lilyevanstan1325 @frogtape @jamesdeerest @mellymbee @arrowsandanchor @polishedtaylor @harrieandharassed @ranahx @youwouldntdownloadapizza @jmillersgirl @wintersquirrel @stefanibear003 @joliettes @startsm00n @abbsfrommars @76bookworm76 @youotterbekiddingme @jodiswiftle

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So I was really bored,like extremely bored and I was having a huge headache,I was extremely frustrated and I was thinking about my life because to be honest it sucked,I had nothing to do and I just decided that I was gonna try entering the void so I used your tape for an hour and after an hour I decided to affirm for the void,

To be honest I affirmed for 20 minutes and I was already getting extremely bored,I was about giving up so I said I'd affirm once more and then stop,so I affirmed once more and as I was about getting up,I began to feel very dizzy and boom i entered the fucking void,I was surprised at first but then I shrugged because I wanted to affirm fast and get out and that was what I did,I only affirmed one thing which was "all subliminals work for me instantly no matter what"and I got out.

I was eager to try out a subliminal because although I did believe in the void I just couldn't help but doubt a little so I just tried the sub out once btw it was a long lash sub ,I looked at myself in the mirror nervously and I was scared to death my lashes were so long too long infact,so I read the description of the sub and it said 100 inches in one minute subliminal,I laughed at myself but overall finally I'll get instant sub results from now on.

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that was SUCH a nail in the coffin analysis ive always felt weird abt how mcr and their fans have been operating ever since they came back and u put it into words 😭 like i genuinely think mcr is still effectively broken up and only came back bc they missed a) each other/performing occasionally kinda and b) MONEYYYY because a full tour and multiple makeup palette launches with no album out after like four years is insane! (i get that the pandemic mightve shifted their schedule maybe but lets be real) and i think mcr fans are subconsciously hurt by this and somehow the revisionist history of mcr being freedom fighter genderqueer activists that threw the first brick at warped tour makes them feel better about it?? like "oh this band has values so surely they wouldnt come back from a breakup JUST to take my money"

I actually think that back in 2018-2019 the band originally intended to record and release an album and then were not able to follow through. I think COVID probably affected people’s mental health or drawing out the creative process for several years more than originally planned led to the same tensions that resulted in the band breaking up coming back to the surface. 

The earliest MCR reunion leak was actually in Spring of 2018 by SWMRS (lol) and had probably been going on for a long time prior to that. They have had plenty of time to record an album, they either just can’t or don’t want to. 

The initial reunion announcement had a lot of really stylized and specific imagery that was new and not nostalgia bait at all. It also felt very extra for just a tour. I don’t religiously pay attention to MCR but they have been doing a lot of stuff to try and keep the album hype going as we head into 2024, like flashing a 5 symbol at shows. I feel like that type of thing was more prevalent early on, but it’s been 4 1/2 years (!!!) so it’s hard to remember. 

Also, I joined bandom in Feb-March of 2013 and all throughout the hiatus through reunion leaks in 2018 (so 5 years), MCR were constantly doing things. They each had solo projects (Frank several) and Gerard was doing comics and a TV show. Plus, the band released CW, several demos, and merch. 

Over the last 4-5 years, they have basically had one tour and that was it. What have they been doing this entire time? Nothing? 

Also, an album that was significantly delayed or didn’t pan out would explain Frank’s garage sale fiasco. The FOB reunion was originally prompted by a blog post from Patrick complaining about how he had blown his savings on Soul Punk and it failed— so if Frank had invested personally in LS Dunes banking on a MCR album, that might explain why he needed to auction off sweatbands as well as the band getting snippy on socials about how they can’t “afford” to film a video. 

And like, no, nobody is “owed” a MCR reunion or MCR album or “owed” closure and if they want to fuck off and drink virgin Pina Coladas in Tijuana for the rest of eternity and play WWWY and Riot once every 4 years or something they can 

But stringing fans along with “cryptic messages” for 5 years and not making any kind of acknowledgement in the press is weird and like you said, I think explains a lot of the obnoxious holier-than-thou behavior from the fandom. During the time MCR have been “back,” FOB, Avril Lavigne, Blink, and probably other people have gone from varying degrees of hiatus to being well into full touring and promotional cycles for new material which has also made MCR less and less special. Those acts didn’t set outrageously high and dramatic expectations beforehand like MCR did either. 

I also really don’t intend to be disrespectful or make assumptions but I think Gerard especially has a long history with drug/alcohol issues in relation to performing and doing touring before the album was even recorded may have led them to delay stuff to (at best) prevent any issues arising. 

And like maybe their bodyguard is telling the truth and there will still be an album. But planning a reunion starting in 2017 at the absolute latest, recording and releasing a single in 2019+playing reunion shows, and not releasing the album until 2024 at the earliest is not really a normal schedule and at best is indicative that they ran into issues along the way. 

Kdramas are in such a sorry state lately it's so sad. We're getting all these sequels for shows that mostly weren't supposed to have multiple seasons so they're a mess bc they have no story to tell. They're all dazzle razzle and no actual decent writing (taxi driver, nine tailed fox, romantic doctor etc) and then we have the 500 crime/thriller shows which are mostly deeply mediocre or downright awful. At least with romcoms if the chemistry is good and the character work is decent enough you can have a really fun show. With these dramas most of it hinges on a well written plot at which the majority fail spectacularly. News came out a few weeks ago that there are 80 dramas made that might never air bc they have no platform bc all the big ones cut the wen-thurs slot except jtbc so there are 80 dramas that will most likely rot after so much hard work and these could be great dramas, because their criteria is it will air if it has big names in it, so this is not a quality issue. Netflix really f*cked us, not only did it start the collapse of the us industry( writers are striking, actors are about to strike, shows are getting cancelled after 1/2 seasons and 8 episodes, shows getting purged for a buck, everyone is only looking for IP with big names and no one cares about good ideas or creativity) it also insidiously burrowed into the kdrama industry and changed the genres of dramas we get, the number of episodes we get, even the sequels bc it used to be no matter how huge a shows ratings were, the worst they could do was an extension, sequels weren't a thing that happened except very rarely in prodecurals like ten or vampire prosecutor. The entire thing is a sad state of affairs, another case of tech bros devastating an industry (I'm referring to the US tv/movie industry) they don't understand to line their pockets and moving on to the next one while the wreckage left in their wake will never be salvaged.

anon i absolutely agree. this is such a depressing topic for me especially because i just love cinema so much. my parents raised me to love movies then i eventually fell in love with tv shows and kdramas and it literally kills me to see the downfall of these amazing comforts in my life. i think the main reason why i haven't been here is because i just wasn't feeling like dragging through another kdrama with a medicore plot. y'all know what i was doing instead? watching old movies i've been meaning to watch for a long time or rewatching classics. you hear this every day and you could jump me for it but...they don't make them like they used to anymore. and idc how corny it sounds cause it's fucking true. exluding some very good recent movies where people making it still care about making an enjoyable piece of media (i don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of tom cruise or top gun, maverick was the only new movie in a long time that made me feel like i used to while watching movies and i literally cannot wait for the new mission impossible film). i'm a 100% with the writers strike, i really hope that they can get what they want and we will finally get back at least a fraction of something that was lost along the way. netflix was supposed to make things accessible, not turn the industry upside down and inside out then light it on fire and piss on the flames. every time i read a season 2 announcement of a kdrama i just go UGHHHHHHH. why are we adding seasons to a show that doesn't need it and why are we cancelling seasons for shows that needed to go longer to tell a story? what's the fucking rationale? oh oh OH mONEy???? netflix don't have enough MONEYYYY??? can't pay residuals to writers or renew a show that has moved people and has more story to tell but has money to make a squid game IN REAL LIFE (which is in itself like....the point flew over everyone's heads) and renewing shows NO ONE ASKED FOR?? oh what? what? more and more people are unsubscribing from your service? how could that be.....only if there was a solution to keep your subscribers by offering them quality content instead of mindless cash grabs....

i'll close this with probably one of my favorite posts on this site

💸💸💸💸💸

this is me just talking abt money and random stuff veeerrryy boring but i bought a pair of shoes a couple months ago for $200 and i have only wore them once i just stare at them and think about my bad spending decisions and i know i will start wearing them soon because they’re the only platform shoes i have but they’re also the most expensive shoes ive ever worn & i just die a little inside i need to get over it tho but i also thought of getting new walking shoes since ive had these ones for 5 yrs now (tbh i think the 200$ shoes r the only ones ive bought 4 myself new like all my shoes which is like only my everyday walking shoes, a pair of docs from hs, & a pair of flip flops i dont have many shoes & all were bought for me by someone else like yrs ago) and my feet r starting to get sore wearing them everyday but i think i might just buy new soles instead like these shoes still have traction.. cuz i need to buy a hair dryer and diffuser cup thing soon because im tired of air drying my hair and i want to make my wavy/slightly curly hair look presentable on the regular and not just occasionally and i need to spend money on that instead!!! but also will i do that??? i just put it off lmao it will probably be months before i actually buy something for that why does everything cost moneyyyy i feel like every day im making bad money decisions but i haven’t been That bad like 9/10 i use the stuff that i buy all the way. im physically stopping myself rn from dropping 40 something on this thing that a lot of ppl say really actually helps their cystic acne which ive had constant problems w. but i cant just do that. its 40!!!! instead i need to buy travel liquid containers that are smaller than 3 oz online cuz they usually only have big ones at walmart and i don’t need them to be That big i never do anything beyond a carry on because checked baggage is Expensive and it stresses me out on top of the expensiveness Anyway u can only have like a sandwich baggy sized thing w liquids in a carry on which is sooo annoying 😒 anyway there’s like $100 worth of stuff this yr that ive got that ive actually Really regretted like at the end of the day the new shoes r worth it for me because i’ll wear them until they break. i get so stressed over not using more than a third of the alcohol based mouthwash i got in feb because it burnt my mouth too much i get stressed over the cerave gentle cleanser i got but then it’s not what i need liked i needed the salacylic acid one instead so now that one just stares at me in its largely unused glory like i worry tooooo much but it’s also kind of good worrying because it keeps me in check cuz it makes me quadruple check if i really need something… but i do usually keep my impulse spending to the thrift which is usually a good thing. i bought a cool hat a couple days ago for a couple bucks but my head is too big :(( i need to look for a place that’ll give it away for free im done w giving stuff to goodwill or other places i just want ppl to be able to get clothes w out paying for it i hope that theres something like that around here. anyway i need to buy a really small point pen tomorrow to do this art thing for Father’s Day cuz my smallest point pen went dry yrs ago and this is the first time im picking up doing something like this in yrs like it’s for Father’s Day tho so i feel like it’s justified. and then i’ll need to get T in the next month 🚬 which has been 140 recently cuz i my state doesn’t cover it in insurance. at least insurance covers blood draws and my doctor doesn’t charge for messaging online abt stuff, so. and at least medicaid in my state covers some dental because ihave that appointment next month. and then ill be paying close to $200 for a flight ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh at least its not more than that ig. at least cheap allegiant flights r a thing . im so lucky in so many ways financially because of my mom step dad being so nice to me basically buying a car 4 me at 18 and letting me live w them rent free etc like idk how i got here i am still not used to it really i feel like its gonna be

pulled out from underneath me soon or something

AU where you work part time at a vintage bookstore (inspired by this beautiful vintage bookstore i live near that has the most amazing selection of hundred+ year old books they also sell new releases ofc bc not everyone has vintage book moneyyyy) and one day late at night, maybe closing time idk, this guy walks in just looking around at the new releases, picking up paper backs, reading blurbs, etc. and you walk over to him and ask if he needs anything and if he needs help to let you know especially in regards to the first editions and such, and at the mention of first edition books his eyes just light up and he immediately inquires. now, i know i personally would never expect a guy that looks like jason to be so enamored by such beautiful classic literature, and yet here he is. he ends up having you take down like dozens of books and you just go through them for hours well past what should’ve been closing time. a lot of old books are actually pretty cheap but the more expensive first editions of classics or signed copies can get super expensive so you don’t really expect him to buy anything. not bc he doesn't have the money, crime lord plot or wayne family reunion plot either way he's got no shortage of cash. you ofc don’t know that, i mean he does just look like a typical (super sexy and built) college student, so you tell him he can come by whenever time he wants to talk about and look at the vintage books. now, he’s got a reason to keep visiting this pretty individual that works the night shift at this secret little book store.

(sorry this got so long)

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telly nonnie i’m so sorry i’ve been keeping this in my inbox for AGES but i’m finally ready to part with it and share it with the blog 😭

ugh i love vintage bookstores so so much and the idea of working in one PLUS having the man of all time come in as a regular makes me want to scream into my pillow. he’s so well mannered and a little quiet until you get to know him better but then he’s got a smile for you every-time he comes in and he’s telling you about the books he’s been reading and and and i’m going to explode.

also please don’t apologise!!!! i love messages in my inbox so much <3 especially when they’re about jason <3

ik it’s so embarrassing 💔💔 i remember that week being not the best so maybe i was just emotional in general ?? idek 😭. i also cry over fluff more than angst. i read angst when i’m like at a rly low point bc it’s almost kinda comforting ……. idk dw bae i sound insane rn too ! we pretty much have the same favorite cereal bc if i had to choose i’d get the chocolate rice crispy ones (or honey nut cheerios) and i LOVEEEE milo. my nana from australia always sends it over and it’s delishhhh. so nostalgic. YES spanakopita is life, it is so so so so good. lmk what you and your mom end up getting ^_^ that sounds so fun i love eating w ppl

ITS THE HYUNE BODY ROLLING SO TRUE. i like when he dances with short sleeves or sleeveless tops bc the arm muscles just make me 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 insane !!! i’ve been wanting to watch a new movie so maybe i’ll watch howl now ^_^ i’ve heard a TON about it and i think you just fully convinced me hehe. do you have any other movie or show recs ?? i’m not a big movie or show person but im tryingggg to watch more stuff so tell me any of your faves

oh yea i could slander america as a professional job. like don’t get me wrong i’m extremely grateful to live somewhere where i can get a good education and just like survive but at the same time … i’m barely surviving ?? all our money goes to stuff that doesn’t even benefit us ??? idk man i’ll keep going if i don’t stop myself BUT YES PLS all the mcflurries 🙏🏼. possible unpopular opinion but oreo mcflurry dipped in fries = chefs kiss. it’s an underrated combo fr

i would pay MONEYYYY to experience one skz dance practice but hyunjins alone oh my oh my oh myyyyy. i don’t think i’d survive, his clinging would be ineffective bc i’d just be 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠. smth about the way he dances just GAHHH. YES CONFIDENT MISCHIEVOUS LITTLE YONGBOK he’s so cute 😭😭😭😭 i love his korean name it’s adorable

i watched the live when i woke up this am and it was the cutest thing ever <///3. felix looked so bf and i swear the There music video made it WORSEE. the parasocial vibes rly smacked me in the face and said grace u need to wake up and accept you can’t have these men 😔

spamming once again gahhhh can u tell i’m bored <///3. im stuck inside for another day bc nyc is having a rly bad snow storm rn and it’s torturous lol. as much as i love being in my bed all day, it gives me a raging headache every timeeeee

- 🐈‍⬛ kisses 4 uuuuu i hope ur sleeping well ^_^

i've never tried honey nut cheerios but now i kinda want to?? lets see lets see. going back to my campus this saturday so i gotta stock up on my food stock 🫡 i'm gonna try honey nut cheerios hehe. milo is good but i can't drink it that much bcs its best mixed with milk and im lactose intolerant </3 i mean i do consume dairy anyway but milo and milk is a deadly combination. one sip and you're gonna end up with diarrhea. even worse when u have lactose intolerance. god lactose intolerance sucks so bad, especially when i love dairy </3 life is a war game and the toilet is my battle field. </3 aaa me and mumsies ended up not getting breakfast bcs we didnt wake up on time LOLL love that 4 us 🤞

sleeveless tops on hyune always look so good. his arms are so nice, the type that isn't frail nor too muscular, he's just nice. dont get me started on his hands yo his hands are pretty big too and his fingers?? majestic. slender and pretty. makes me dizzy just watching it 😵‍💫howl is incredibly good, u reaaaaaally need to watch it <3!! mmm for tv shows, i really like gilmore girls and jujutsu kaisen. or if you like romance, u shud try out horimiya!!

I UNDERSTAND ABT THE MONEY THING... malaysian road taxes r no joke. youngsters going broke frm paying taxes is CRAAAZY. fries dipped in vanilla ice cream is so good so i get u!!!!! it's the mixture of sweet and salty 🤌

when hyunjin does a lil smirk while dancing... im frothing drooling melting. like bae stop i will get through this phone screen and kiss u 😭 so pretty. YONGBOK IS SO CUTE AND YES HIS NAME!! I LOVE WRITING HIM AS YONGBOK BCS I LOVE HIS NAME SM... i also love jeongin's name. it's cute and suiting for him.

the live c hdbhs i was fixated on seungmin the whole time... was just staring at him dreamily like... 💭 he made a mess but i's ok bcs it's seungmo!!

THE THERE MV OH MY GOD GRACEEEEEE. I'LL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT. HYUNJIN AND SEUNGMIN'S PART GOT ME GIGGLING!!1 also can i just say that the settings suit them so much? it feels like it's actually their ideal date. jeongin with the shopping for clothes, hyunjin with the camera and channie in the studio... it makes so much sense. omg what if it IS their ideal date? bye im gonna combust. why are they parasocializing with us!! its making the delusions worse!!!

talking abt parasocializing, felix needs to calm down. bro was wiping at his mouth and stuff r u indicating that we just made out?!?! not very pg13 of him. i heard he spams om bubble too 😭 he needs to find a gf his bitchless behavior is getting worse 😟

ur spam is always entertaining so dw!! i take my time with it always cs i wanna put thought in my words hehe. sorry to hear abt the storm :(( i hope ure staying warm <3

i watched the dallas theater company les mis and here are my observations part TWO

i recently watched a modern adaptation of les mis from 2014! i took hella notes bc les mis being set in modern day has a LOT MORE than you would think! i just posted my act one notes, so here are the ones from act two. enjoy! :D

ACT TWO

(Building The Barricade)

oh javert,,,you and your red beret-scarf combo

everyone shakes hands the same way?? they all like. half bro hug. young people ig 🤷‍♀️ 

oh on my own is gonna hurt me huh

éponine has her hands up when she goes to take the letter to cosette that’s an interesting take

jvj looks so done lmao “really bruh just give me the letter i’ll give it to cosette it’s FINE”

omg first time i’ve ever seen éponine not take the money after the letter!! that actually makes so much sense bc she doesn’t take marius’ money when he asks her to find cosette’s house either. that,,,yes that’s good

the modern era begs the question... why didn’t marius just ask for cosette’s number?? i’d assume it’s just a thing that jvj doesn’t allow her to have a phone bc The Cops, but. maybe marius and cosette are the straight version of cottagecore lesbians they just write letters for ~The Aesthetic~

(On My Own)

i was right on my own was gonna hurt me

first time i’ve ever seen an éponine disguise where she actually passes as a boy lmao 

FINALLY A VERSION OF OMO WHERE ITS NOT JUST FORLORN SELF-CARESSING THANK YOU

surprisingly i have less notes here that’s fun i thought i’d have more

(Javert at the Barricades)

WOAHHHHH THEY DID NOT SKIMP ON BARRICADE SET PIECES THAT SHIT IS COOOOOL

oh the barricade scenes are already hitting too hard 

cops are in riot gear cops. are in. riot gear.

oh the javert spy thing that also hits funny because obviously

gavroche is armed with a bat i love you son

FULL VERSION OF LITTLE PEOPLE AT THE BARRICADE AYEEEEE

(A Little Fall Of Rain)

wait hold on why is marius not,,,singing to éponine on “why have you come back here?” he’s like. scolding someone,,, huh??

oh enj goes to help marius with ép!! and he calls over who i assume would be joly i STAN

MARIUS CRIES AFTER ÉP DIES KILL MEEEE

(The First Attack)

i like how jvj does the second confrontation here. he looks less angry and more like,,,compassionate and that MAKES SENSE bc yk. he’s telling javert he’s wrong but he’s not doing it out of spite he’s doing it bc this guy NEEDS to know what he does as a cop and realize that being a cop isn’t just enforcing rules, and it never was just that. 

i do love the exasperated “gO” from jvj that’s kinda great ngl

(Drink With Me)

i’m very sad that there won’t be any exr from these boys

v e r y sad here

i do see grantaire looking PRETTY sad though

bold of y’all to assume that the modern day amis would all be straight

okay i can tell that grantaire really is going hard on the Existential Singing like,,,sure he’s just standing there but like. damn bro

SO THERE A R E LADIES ON THE BARRICADE WHY TF ARENT THEY FIGHTING

BETTER SEE SOME CHANGE THERE

i just realized that the cockades are buttons that is the BEST

(Bring Him Home)

jvj actually looks kinda happy in BHH and tbh i kinda like it?? it’s only on the “he’s like the son i might have known” line but i like it

oh those vowels oh boy they TALL

(The Final Battle)

enjolras is for some reason, still angry...why...why bro....

the staging for gavroche’s death is INTERESTING bc he’s reaching up at the sniper on the tower. hm. i dont hate it

OH SOMEONE ON THE BARRICADE IS RECORDING I THINK!!! GOOD ADDITION!!

i can’t imagine how many blood packs they went through 

oh enjolras’s death okay so. he’s in a like. No Man’s Land almost, and the riot cops come in after him. it’s an interesting take because it almost mirrors the scene in the book, except obvs grantaire isn’t here. they also have an added scene after he dies where cops are checking out and using radios that is. that is EERIE.

jvj walks over to enjolras’s body 🥺

HE ALSO FUCKIN S C R E A M S WHEN HE SEES MARIUS ON THE GROUND GODDAMN MAN O U C H

thenardier steals combeferre’s glasses wow thanks for that added pain

thenardier and jvj have a mini fight oh that’s kinda cool hm

(Javert’s Soliliquy)

javert opens his soliloquy with some SPICY SADNESS OH B O Y he sounds broken already!! start strong!!

emotions go broken - anger - confusion? - mAJOR confusion - hopelessness 

javert can FLY! no legit he’s on ropes

(Turning)

turning is. turning is almost a funeral. 

OH THEYRE N U N S !

nuns are visiting the barricade 🥺 

OH DAMN “what’s the use of praying if there’s nobody who hears?” THAT CERTAINLY HAS WEIGHT NOW THAT THEY ARE N U N S

it has just occurred to me that people have been dead on the floor for like. a solid five minutes 

(Empty Chairs At Empty Tables)

“now my friends. are dead. and gone” he pauses like he’s realizing it just then oh OUCHIE

wait is marius,,,at the barricades? is he legit singing to his friends dead bodies? oh shit oh NO

OH N O OH NONONO THIS IS WORSE

THE BARRICADE BOYS RISE UP FROM THE FLOOR OH N O OUCH OUCH

they group up and salute him and wALK OFF NO OWWWW

*cosette and marius kiss* jvj: *COUGH COUGH*

marius and valjean’s lil conversation is interesting in the way valjean seems to ask marius “who am i?” rather than ask himself. he phrases it in a way that makes me think he’s like. quizzing marius lmao 

(The Wedding)

omg i think baby cosette and éponine are flower girls 🥺🥺

“go away thenardier” *madame mouths ‘dammit!’*

thenardier your boat shoes hurt me

madame: “get up! get up!” thenardier: “stop—STOP IT!” 

TWO GUYS ARE DANCING TOGETHER AND WAVE AT THENARDIER ON “this ones a queer, but what can you do”

yeah i think i found my new favorite thenardiers thank you dallas theater company

fantine sits on the bench when cosette comes by, cosette sits on bench next to her, and fantine tries to touch her but can’t 🥺

jvj just gave a hand-over-heart head nod to cosette but fantine gave it back i,,,ouch

ENJOLRAS AND GAVROCHE ARE WITH FANTINE AND ÉPONINE FOR JVJ’S DEATH

the chain gang is in the epilogue i repeat the cHAIN GANG IS IN THE EPILOGUE

the orchestra rests on the last “say do you hear the distant drums” and that was the coolest thing i’ve ever heard

that final harmony is MONEYYYY and i want to cry

OVERALL NOTES:

this javert has the most interesting interpretation because up until his FINAL SCENE he is the stone cold police officer, and he plays it SO WELL. like i have never been truly angry at a javert up until this guy, and whether that was because it was modern and resonates A LOT in 2020 or he just looks like a cop i want to punch, I DON’T KNOW but he plays it SO WELL and i love it so much!!

these thenardiers are the fucking BEST NGL they are the perfect mix of funny and cruel. madame t is also funny as HELL and i wish i had her talent lmao

i said it before but the police costumes in this show are. woosh. kudos to the costumer i took one look at those guys and was like “haha, no!.” vaguely related to that, i think this was the first time i nearly cried at Look Down like. the first song at the show, simply because of the convict getting the SHIT beat out of him on the floor. that hurt me and i hate that it is completely accurate to what happens in prisons today.

lovely ladies was,,,a LOT and tbh, i feel like it didn’t need to be. obviously it does show how horrible it is for sex workers, but that is why the music is there. the music and lyrics is there to tell what you don’t show visually. (though i do love the male prostitute lmao he took no shit)

i also said this before but the fact that there wasn’t bigger of a relationship between enjolras and grantaire kind of annoys me simply because they are revolutionaries in the present day. you can’t tell me that ALL OF THEM WERE STRAIGHT. with how many people i know now that identify under the queer and trans umbrella, and also how queer they are (to me) in the brick, the absence of any exr in a modern interpretation hurts a little.

in conclusion, this show was fucking FANTASTIC and even though i’m six years late, it still resonates hard given the time we live in today. i think i nearly screamed when i saw the cops in riot gear on the barricade because that is LITERALLY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. this just reminds me how timeless the story of les mis is because you had to change LITERALLY NOTHING from the story to make it make sense in the modern age, and that is really the lesson you should learn from les mis; these things happen everywhere, and they need to be fixed. 

thank you for listening to my rambling, i am sure i forgot something because there was just so damn much but i hope you enjoyed otherwise! not-a christmas-tree out! :)

649

Are you attracted to the last person that kissed you? Yeah, of course. What did you do yesterday? I spent the morning hungover because I drank the night before, but I had to be in class by 10 AM so I had no choice but to drive to school. My classes were thankfully pretty chill, and the most random thing that happened was my prof making us take a speed typing test in the middle of our class lol. Otherwise, it was a normal school day. Something you really want right now? More moneyyyy. I blew most of it last Wednesday when me and my girlfriend had drinks up in Marco Polo. Hotels obviously jack up their prices on everything, and alcohol is no exception so what I’d pay for a cocktail in my school’s area got quadrupled in Marco Polo. But I had a loooot of fun that night, so I can’t say I regret it even though I lost most of my allowance. If you could seek revenge on someone would you? [continued from yesterday because I just had suuuch a hectic week] Like I’ve said, the idea of revenge is something I daydream about just to feel internally satisfied, but I never feel the need to act on it. How long have you liked the person you like? Six, maybe even seven years.

Are you happy with the way things are going? For the most part. I could go with less worry/anxiety, but I mean I can’t say I’m miserable. Would you ever get a tattoo? Only if I feel like the time is right, which is a FAR cry from “get tattoos of all the things you love”-era Robyn lmao. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Yes. April is my birth month, and I’d hate to be single by then lol. What plans do you have for tomorrow? I finally have my rest day tomorrow, which I’m fuuuucking stoked about. It’s been such a busy busy week and I’m just so relieved that all I have to do tomorrow is sit and lounge around. Has a friendship ended recently that you wish had not? Not really. I kinda cut off friendships with two guys because they annoyed me over some issue, but the thing is they’re part of our high school group so I can’t avoid them forever – I see them when we have reunions, but I don’t mingle with them. What are you listening to right now? I can hear the electric fan whirring in front of me but in my head Simmer by Hayley Williams is playing as loud as ever. Do you and your last ex hate each other? No. What are you afraid of? I hate uncertainty the most, but some other things I’m afraid of are failing in general, videos that make me stressed like footage of collapsing/fainting people or racist people making tirades on public transport, flying cockroaches, sharp objects, and fire. When was the last time you were sick? Some time last year, I got a fever for like two hours but I was totally fine after. But the last time I was SICK sick was sometime in 2017 – but even that was only an overnight thing. I don’t remember the last time I was sick for over a day. Do you tend to waste a lot of money? LMAOOO don’t even remind me. I literally have a single P50 bill left in my wallet – that’s less than a dollar to ya. Do you have trust issues? No, not at all. Do you think this year will be better than last? I’m genuinely unsure, and I’d rather not guess or mull over it. 2020 is going to be a year of so much change – graduating college, getting my first job, maybe moving out for the first time?, not knowing if my girlfriend is going to pursue a master’s abroad, what that means for us, etc. Big things are waiting, and I HATE the uncertainty of it all. I take surveys to forget, so please don’t remind me of things I go here to forget, haha. Have you ever regretted kissing someone? No. Are you a jealous person? I can be, but like I’m not obsessed with being jealous. When was the last time you got a haircut? 2018. I desperately need a dramatic haircut. Do you know anyone that smokes weed? Yeah I know people who’ve told me about it, but I’m sure there are more people I know that haven’t told me they do weed. Who is the last person you rode in a car with? I was with Luisa and Hannah and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t the one driving! Do you look more like your mom or your dad? I ask people this and they always tell me I’m a perfect mix. Apparently the top half of my face looks like my dad, and the bottom half is all my mom. Are there any stressful situations in your life? Yep a little bit yep yep yep. If you were caught cheating would you fess up? If I was already caught, I’d be incredibly stupid to still deny it so yeah, I’d confess. The last time you honestly felt broken? Maybe Monday? Idk, I cried pretty hard that day, harder than I normally would. What do you really want right now? I want this stupid internet speed to be faster because I need to send emails ASAP, and I need some good fucking food. I am not the happiest camper right now lmao. Best thing about the last person you chatted on facebook? He’s literally the most reliable dude ever. I can always depend on him to help me out no matter how last-minute it is. Best thing about the last person you talked to in person? She’s generous. When was the last time you shaved your legs? Yesterday. Is there someone you wish you were closer to? At this point, not really. I’m happy with my circle and there haven’t been new people who entered my life recently. Have any addictions? Nope. Are you anything like your siblings? We’re all reserved, but then again out of all the three of us I’m still the biggest extrovert and I’m also probably the one who finds it easy to blend in with most groups. But yeah, we all definitely have a layer of extreme shyness in us. We’re also never upfront about our feelings, so when we cry we do it in the privacy of our own rooms, or if we’re upset we rant about it to our own friends. Have you ever had a stalker? I don’t think so. Have you ever received an injury from a hook up? LOL what? No I haven’t. That sounds wild though. What did you last eat? A brownie and a sip of coffee. What was the best concert you have been to? PARAMORE. UGH. THEY HAVE THE BEST CONCERTS. I’ve seen them twice and I plan to see them three, four, and the next bajillion times. Paramore forever <3 Who is the last person you hugged? I’m not 100% sure. Maybe Laurice. Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex? I have a couple, yeah. Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now? This survey is a big secret for one, lmao. Where do you get your clothes? It depends. I shop everywhere so I get my clothes from a variety of places. They’re mostly from independent shops/stalls that pop up once in a while at malls, though. Do you have a secret you've never told anyone? [continued YET AGAIN from last night because I am just one big exhausted bean] Again, this Tumblr is a pretty big secret. Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? There are several people who meet this category. Would you rather sleep alone or with someone? I like sleeping with someone only if they’re my significant other. Otherwise, I like my own space when I sleep. Have you ever lived with a girlfriend/boyfriend? No, I haven’t. When was the last time something bothered you? I am bothered at this moment, hence the survey-taking haha. Who was the first male you talked to today? My dog. But if he doesn’t count, it was Andrew. Are you completely over your past relationships? I’ve only been with one person. Do you get attached to people easily? No, it only ever happens with select people. But when I get attached, it happens hard. Are you currently looking forward to anything? Uhhhh sure. I’m dreading most of this week but my high school’s annual school fair is happening this Friday and Saturday and that’s the only thing I’m excited for. Do you believe in love? Yes. Let's be honest, have you ever been played by someone? Can’t say I have. Have you ever played someone? Yes, this I’ve done. I still feel bad about it occasionally but I’m sure the person has long gotten past it. What is currently on your mind? How sad I am and that I have to focus on this survey so I can be distracted. Would it hurt seeing the last person you kissed, kissing someone else? Of course. How many piercings have you had in your life? Just two. Who else is in the room with you? I’m the only one in the dining room but my brother is also here downstairs. Have you ever been beside someone while they were throwing up? [It’s 12 hours later. This is the absolute slowest I’ve ever worked on a survey lmao] No, it was always the other way around HAHAHA Did you eat breakfast today? I haven’t yet but I’m not feeling hungry so I might just settle for a cup of coffee. When was the last time you cried? A few minutes ago watching a clip from an NBA game having a moment of silence for Kobe Bryant. I was never into basketball but we DID have a copy of NBA Live 2003, and whenever I played it I always used the Lakers team so that I got to play as either Shaq or Kobe, so I’m sad and shocked, to say the least. Do you like tea? Just sugary iced tea. None of that herbal stuff. When was the last time you took a nap? Yesterday afternoon. What song is stuck in your head? Simmer, by Hayley Williams. As has been the case in the last four days. Do you have a TV in your room? I used to, but my brother would always be the one using it to play his video games so I eventually just gave it to him. Have you ever broken a bone? Nope. And I’m always extra careful so that I never have to go through such an injury. Have you ever had stitches? ^ Same answer. Are you wearing a sweatshirt? No...it’s starting to get warmer for sweatshirts now :( Have you taken a shower in the last 24 hours? Yes. Are there things in your life that you'll never be able to get over? Of course. There’s been a fair share of deaths, betrayals, abusive family shit that I’ve had to go through and that aren’t easy to forget. Can you remember who you liked this time last year? Yes. What's one physical flaw you'd like to fix about yourself? Straightening my teeth. What do you do when you're feeling extremely nervous? Uh it depends on whatever helps me at that time. I’d pace around, fiddle with my eyebrows, breathe deeply, shake my hands rapidly, bite my nails, etc. Do you have a hard time letting go? Yes. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? I doubt it. What do you plan on doing now? Making my cup of coffee and taking another survey to make up for the embarassment that is taking three days of finishing this one lmao.

thoughts {9.3.19 // 8.19am}

I have just committed to sacrificing everyday Friday & Saturday to 13 hour working days with an additional 2-3 hours travel time. I feel weird that I’m kind of ok with it

currently obsessed with coffees, lattes & beverages in general; kinda prioritising beverages food/it’s so much easier to consume then food

actually love how much & how hard I’m working right now, I feel like everything is coming together & I’m fucking stoked

it’s actually insane how much I thrive off getting up early

getting an IUD put in on Monday & I’m really scare of side affects

for the last year and a half I have had my eye on 2 particular designers pieces that to me were always going to be a celebratory purchase for hard work & I can’t believe not only did I get one last week, but I’ll probably get the other next week or in the following 2 weeks. I feel so damn proud. I'm not much of a designer person but man it feels good to work fucking hard & buy something fancy that you genuinely want, goddamn

I wonder where I’ll be by the end of this year

I got so triggered the other night talking about women’s abuse & I think I may have some unresolved things I need to talk to someone about 

far out I love organisation & cleaning

loving my new hospo job already; I was really worried it wouldn’t work me but it’s so fine & I’m clicking onto it super quickly

so many things I need to buy right now for work but I really don’t want to spend moneyyyy: makeup, clothes, glasses etc

need to make a financial spreadsheet to see if it’s actually financially worth working so far fro where I live; this centre has expensive staff parking & I'm going through a quarter of a tank of petrol almost everyday 

really feel like a big ol hug right now

can’t wait for my day off

it’s been so long since I’ve been in the ocean what is happening

my digestive system isn’t working again & I don’t know what to do about it

food is really boring & annoying me right now; I don’t have the time, I'm struggling to make decisions, I feel nauseous often & my tummy is a little sensitive atm

sushi is so good side note

can’t believe I’ll probably be moving home in like 3 weeks

omg he’s so cute he just texted me asking where his head smooch was this morning - context: even though he’s asleep when I leave I always kiss him on the head goodbye but this morning I started going over to do it & he moved so I thought he didn’t want disturbing

honestly can’t remember the last time I slept in my own bed or had a warm/hot shower

can’t believe I, the tea hater, now drinks tea basically everyday; it’s cold in a huge water bottle & herbal but that still counts right

feeling good

feel super adult atm ahhaah

currently obsessed with people; I think I’m leaning more to an extrovert again

hired a content creator woo & finally will start getting consistent weekly content starting Monday thank fuck; slightly nervous & just trialling this person but hopefully it works

god I need to go through my emails; one day I hope I can have someone who can do emails for me hahaha I hate it

need to more ab workouts; hopefully I can get to the gym/do yoga more this coming week

exciting tings exciting exciting

gotta go 

things have been wild so let me give you guys an update on how the job search has been going bc I'm going through the interview process with FIVE (5) five!!! orgs right now 😱

I've finished final round interviews with 3 orgs who all said I should hear back next week:

job 1 which is the one I really want (and the one that will pay the most) checked references and said they really enjoyed talking to my references and said that they should have their decision mid-late next week. but their email also asked if that was ok and that they wanted to be mindful of any other jobs I was interviewing for and my friend said that sounds like they're subtly asking me not to take another job in the meantime. but (although I'm still trying not to get my hopes up) it sounded like a "we should have good news soon" kind of email 🤞🏽

job 2 which is my second choice bc I love the work the org does and the hiring manager seems like she would be fantastic to work for said that I should hear back next week and then they'll do a reference check. but the final interview went INSANELY well. one of the interviewers liked my idea so much he made a note that they needed to think about actually doing it and he seemed to love everything I was saying. so again 🤞🏽 but I think getting an offer might take a little longer considering they still have to do a reference check.

job 3 is the one I want the least bc I think it would just be a stressful work environment with a lot of tight deadlines and a really heavy workload, but the interview also went really well. I think I really have the upper hand in this one bc the hiring manager kept saying how desperate they were to hire and that they haven't gotten any applicants that they've liked in the past 2 months. I don't even think they'll do a reference check bc they need to hire super quickly. if I got this one first I would really try to stall until I heard back about the others.

I would have to negotiate really hard with jobs 2 and 3 to get the salary I want, which would also give me a little bit of time to hear back from job 1. but either way, if I get multiple offers then I could play them off each other for more moneyyyy, which is such a crazy position to be in.

I've just finished first round interviews with jobs 4 & 5 and I'm kind of lukewarm on both of them but I think I just need to learn more about the roles and orgs as the interview process continues. but hopefully I get an offer from the other orgs before I have to do any more interviews.

tl;dr things are going well!!!! and I should have (hopefully good 🙏🏽) news next week!!!! also, (now that life has gotten calmer) I'm gonna pick up the "good luck with your job search" event prompts later today and this weekend so will hopefully start posting them soon too and I'd like to keep to an actual schedule for once for this event 😅

bruna tagged me and i gotta do it cus her life is on the line if i dont so like i guess ill tag some of u if ya wanna do it 

(it’s supposed to be 20 but like i dont know 20 of yall so like ill tag @evelynebrochu @delphines @odetteannable @gaytiemcgrath mm yeh

Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

last

1. drink - almond milk latte

2. phone call - i ignore all phone calls

3. text message - my best friend 

4. song you listened to - monotonia // the growlers

5. time you cried - mmm like a month ago

ever

6. dated someone twice? - nope

7. kissed someone and regretted it - not really

8. been cheated on - not that i know of so like no

9. lost someone special - in a way i guess

10. been depressed - mmm yeh

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - yeah thas why i cant stand tequila

fave colours

12. light pink

13. black

14. white

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yep

16. fallen out of love - no ive never been in love so like lmao

17. laughed until you cried - yeh

18. found out someone was talking about you - mmm yeh

19. met someone who changed you - no not really

20. found out who your friends are - this is some tea but yes

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - no facebook is for pussies

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - everyone except kate and soph ://

23. do you have any pets - no i fuckin wish bich i want a dog

24. do you want to change your name -  in a way i guess...like i dont really think my name fits me like idk my name makes me uncomfortable but like im used to it now 

25. what did you do for your last birthday - nothing bc houston thas when hurricane harvey hit and like everything was closed down for like a week so happy 20th to me thas mother nature saying fuck u bich 

26. what time did you wake up today - 7:40 am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - idk...i was probably crying bc of sendrick 

28. what is something you cant wait for - for me to be rich and sex see

30. what are you listening to right now - the growlers listen to them theyre sexy 

31. have you ever talk to a person named tom - no all toms are creeps

32. something thats getting on your nerves -  a lot of things like life and being alive in general 

33. most visited website - tumblr

34. hair colour - light brown

35. long or short hair - long

36. do you have a crush on someone - i havent had a crush on someone since last summer thank fuck 

37. what do you like about yourself - sometimes i like her sometimes i hate her it depends on the energy that day but like shes pretty funny i guess like i make myself laugh 

38. want any piercings? - yeah my cartilage

39. blood type - in case im like dying my blood is O- im that universal donor ass bitch 

40. nicknames - my friends call me bitch or b or henny

41. relationship status - single lmao

42. zodiac - virgo

43. pronouns - she/dat/bich

44. fave tv shows - the office, parks and rec and ob

45. tattoos - no  but like i might get one soon idk of what yet 

46. right or left handed - right

47. ever had surgery - no

48. piercings - yah

49. sport - no lmao i was tha lazy bich in high school i only started to get into like fitness and shit my senior year of high school 

50. vacation - i wanna go to england

51. trainers - what does this mean idgi

more general

52. eating - i just ate some chickpea pasta w/ tofu

53. drinking - my 3rd coffee of the day 

54. im about to watch - my life crash and burn bc i have nothing figured out and i feel like wasting my time lmao 

55. waiting for - my lana concert feb 10th and then i can die 

56. want - this moneyyyy

57. get married - no 

58. career - i dont know!!! im a junior in college i should kno but i dont im gonna have a breakdwon 

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs

60. lips or eyes - eyes 

61. shorter or taller - im a short as bich so taller 

62. older or younger - older

63. nice arms or stomach - stomach bich i want this stomach to be flat like where are u bich im so tired

64. hookup or relationship - hookup cus like people are annoying after a while like leave me alone

65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant is boring but like troublemaker is too much work so like neither

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - no id never im a pussy

67. drank hard liquor - yes 

68. lost glasses - i dont need glasses but ive left my best friends shades in an uber once bc he left us in the middle of the road at a festival and we had to run out the car cus it was illegal to stop there so like we ran out and i feel so bad bc they were expensive

69. turned someone down - yes lmao

70. sex on first date - no 

71. broken someones heart - i think...

72. had your heart broken - yeah

73. been arrested -  no oh myg od i always have nightmares in which im arrested like i just want a mugshot but no 

74. cried when someone died - ok but liek who hasnt

75. fallen for a friend - mmm lmao

do you believe in

76. yourself - yes i have to push myself tho like its just me and myself fighting all the time but yeah ultimately i do 

77. miracles - yes like i really do after like me n my best friend almost got caught smoking we*ed in her house and like her mom came home early from a trip and like i really thought we were gonna die that day but im smart and lit a candle so like idk how she didnt smell it but like after that day i believe in miracles i do 

78. love at first sight - yeah but like only in fiction like irl it’s lust at first sight 

79. santa clause - yes i love her 

80. kiss on a first date - yeh if im into it 

81. angels - by the xx, gr8 song

other

82. best friend’s name - she dont have a tumblr 

83. eye colour - dark brown

84. fave movie - silver linings playbook, prisoner of azkaban, and the polar express i said what i said 

85. fave actor - anna kendrick and emma watson and like katie and evelyne 

Chapter 4:

Play Music For Each Character To Catch The Vibe:)

Melody:  

https://open.spotify.com/track/6LGwYMXXgURfaequXipzHx

“Wakey Eggs and Bacon” Tye said waving bacon near my nose. I looked up at her struggling to see it was so bright. “Mmm Tye close the blinds” I said. She got up and closed them and sat back down. “How you are feeling?” She asked. I groaned outing the cover over my head. “I feel okay, I was so sick on that boat” I told her. She shook her head. “You threw up on this fine ass nigga, who was the owner of the boat, and he helped you clean up and brough you to the car, a gentleman might I say” She told me. I remembered throwing up but not on anybody. I palmed my face. “Tye your lying” I said. She shook her head “Nah honey you threw up on him, he was in a towel because you ruined his fit” She said. “OMG, bruh It was the liquor that had me feeling crazy, I should apologize or something” I stressed. “Well he said he stop by sometime today to see if you’re okay” She said smiling. I looked at her, “He really that fine?” I asked. She nodded. “Yess girl and he got moneyyyy” She sang. “Mmmhm well Ima see for myself” I said. She passed me some bacon. “Yeah get your ass up and get cute right quick, I’m going to the mall with Samar today. I think the girls want to go to the salon too, so Ima see yall when I get back and we can just be on chillllll tonight” Tye said. I nodded and looked at my nails which one was broken. “Ooh yeah I need me some new claws baby” I said. I got up and got dressed. Kept it real cute and casual today, I wanted a frappe today and to also get a wax cause my hair was growing back fast. I looked at myself in the mirror to see which shoes I was going to wear. “Melodyyy” I heard. “Yeaahhh” I screamed back. “Come here!”. I walked out my room and to the balcony to see who called me. I see it was Ari. “Yes?” I asked. “Somebody wants to see you” She said. I curiously walked downstairs and over to the door. Ariana smiled at me and walked off. I grabbed the door and Opened it. I see it was a tall sexy man. “Um hi?” I said confused. “Hey, you probably don’t remember me, you kind of puked on me” He said laughing. I blushed embarrassed. “Hi, I’m soooo sorry, I was not feeling good and I’m sooo sorry, you need me to pay for anything?” I asked sincere. He shook his head and held out his hands. “Nah, you good baby girl, I just came to check on you. My name is Malachi Davis, I wanted to meet you” He said. I smiled. “I’m Melody Dixon, and that’s so sweet you didn’t have to” I said. He smiled this nice ass smile. Whew and his jawline. “Well I mean after I seen you, I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I was like damn let me go see who this beautiful girl is” He said. I blushed trying not to hard to smile. “Is it okay if I get your number and take you out on a date?” He asked. I shook my head. “Yeah no problem. Its 678-872-4562” I told him. “Mm okay you from Atlanta” He said putting my number in his phone. “How long yall here for?” He asked. “2 weeks” I said. He nodded. “Cool, listen I’m out here for promo and business but Ima make time to show you a good time is that okay Melody?” He asked. His voice was smooth and chill. “Yeah that’s fine, I’m down” I said trying to not be so excited. He smiled at me. “Good so I will be hitting your line okay?” He told me. I nodded. “Great” I said. He smiled and walked off looking back at me smiling. I see his car it was a blue Lambo. “Girl let me throw up on somebody” Zion said eating chips behind me. I looked at her and laughed. “Girl gone some where you got a man” I said to her. “You better get that Dick!” Tye yelled. “Brother look like he is hanging!” She said. “This isn’t no girls trip anymore” Ari said laughing. After joking and talking we all went to do our thing for the day. Ari, Z and I went to get our nails done, and we my lashes done.

https://open.spotify.com/track/4y9oPKGnnqEbiM9PvrhP5q

Soon after we split up and I went to my wax appointment while they went to the spa. I enjoyed just being to myself for a minute. I got me a milk shake and just walked across the beach. Thinking about life, feeling the breeze. “Melody?” My thoughts stopped as I looked to see who called me. I turned around and seen Isaac. My heart dropped. I couldn’t really think of what to say so I just smiled. “I been hoping to see you again since the club” He said. “I uh been busy” I said feeling like I said something stupid. “Yeah, so how you been? what you are doing down here?” He asked. I looked at him and seen he had grown out his mustache and he had been working out since we broke up. He was fine as fuck; my heart was beating so fast. “I been good, amazing actually. I’m here on a girl’s trip with my girls you know Tye, Ari, and Z” I said. He nodded, “I see, yall got into a fight” He laughed. I awkwardly smiled. “Well you know Ari, started that” I said. He shook his head. “Yeah Ari with the shits boy” He said. “But yeah, you look beautiful Mel” He said. He leaned in for a hug and pulled back a little. “I’m sorry” I said. I leaned in and hugged him awkwardly. I kept thinking about how when we broke up I replayed this moment in my head we see each other again and I be mean as fuck but honestly everything I felt slowly creeped up on me, and I wanted to disappear ASAP. “I see your IG, I wanted to contact you, but I didn’t know if you reply back. It’s crazy how we meet up here huh?” He asked. I nodded. “Yeah, crazy” I said. The wind started to blow hard and my hair was all in my face. He got closer to me again and moved my hair out my face. “It was nice seeing you, I got to go meet up with the girls” I lied. “Mel wait” He said grabbing my hand. “Can we meet up and talk maybe kick it?” He asked. I hesitated. “Just text me Isaac, I still have the same number” I said leaving. My stomach was going crazy, I had to shit. He smelled so good, fuck. “Get it together Mel”.

 Ariana:

 https://open.spotify.com/track/2k9cDkVumJEtoBASCPIiFw

  I stood in line feeling on how soft my face felt while waiting in line at Taco Rico with Zion. “Mel just text the group chat” Zion said. I grabbed my phone. “Damn she seen that nigga again” I said. At this point Isaac is stalking Mel. “I think it’s cute, he aint seen her in a long minute and now that he does, he ready to hit them new squatted cheeks” Zion said. I playfully bumped her with my hip. “Stop it, he left her the fuck” I said annoyed. Zion looked at me. “Trust me! I’m not a fan either but shit ironic, this could get spicy new boo and old boo” Z said. I rolled my eyes. “She aint got no boo......yet” I said. Zion spoke to soon about boos cause in walked in Anthony, the man from my run yesterday. I tapped on Z. “Z look there he is, the fine nigga from yesterday I seen” I told her. She slightly looked and her eyes got wide she pulled down her shade. “Girllllllll go over there” She said trying to move me over lowkey. “No, I’m hungry” I said. “Go over there!” She said slightly poking me all over. I left her and walked over near him; he was near the napkins waiting in line, so I pretended not to see him. He turned over towards me. “RiRi?” He said. I turned around. “Oh, it’s you” I said pretending to not care. He smiled and laughed a little. “Yes, it is I, your knight and shining armor” He said playfully bowing. I laughed and looked over to see Z peaking with her shades on the bridge of her nose. “What you came to eat?” I asked. He nodded. “Yeah you?” He asked. I nodded. He smirked. “Bet, let’s get some food and dip” He said. I looked at him crazy. “Hmm?” I asked. He smiled. “Yeah let’s get some food and go explore, I will show you around my city” He told me. I hesitated on leaving Zion. “I don’t know my friend is right there, I came to meet her that be rude” I told him. “Hey mami?” Anthony yelled loud as fuck; people turned around. Zion looked at us embarrassed. “I can take your friend on an outing?!” He asked. She turned around and gave us a thumbs up. Damn it! I thought. “See no problem” He said looking his lips. I stood there annoyed, but lowkey hype. We grabbed the food which he paid for and got in his nice ass car. We stopped at a store to grab a blanket then headed to the beach, but not like the big beach, it was a small part with just us a maybe 5 other people just chilling. I bit into my food and looked over at him just smiling at me. I rolled my eyes. “Can I eat in peace?” I asked. He quickly looked away laughing. “You funny, I like your aura” He said. I looked at him annoyed. “Well I think your weird” I said playfully. He shrugged. “I can take weird, I just like to study people, sorry” He stated. I looked at him for a minute. “I’m sorry, I just don’t know people intentions so, I’m mean to protect myself” I said. He nodded. “I can tell, you like a boiled egg” He said smiling. “That’s cool cause I like me a boiled egg” I busted out laughing at him. “Nigga can I be an M&M not an egg”. He shook his head. “Nope, I don’t like M&Ms I like boiled eggs” He said taking a bit of his taco and sipping his drink. We talked and laughed. He made me open up to him. I felt like we were only here for 2 weeks so who gives a fuck if he knew me like that. “I’m for real I had to go to the hospital it was so much blood, I will never again try to skateboard off my room” He said. I squirmed at the thought. “You are soo weird who the fuck does that?” I asked he laughed pointing at himself. He then got up and gathered our trash. “Get undressed” He said. I looked at him crazy. “Nigga what the fuck?” I asked. He pointed towards the beach. “We are getting in” He said taking off his shirt and pants revealing his boxers, and I could tell he was right. “I don’t know about this” I said. He started backing up dancing into the water. I looked around and got undressed revealing my grandma draws and my sports bra. “Don’t laugh at my draws Anthony” I stated. He laughed. “Come on Ms. Ari, I’m going to help you baby” He said playfully sounding old. I playfully pushed him into the water. “Shut up!” I laughed. He picked me up and swung me around, and then put me back down. I felt so free the sun was setting it was the perfect vibe. He splashed me with the water on my back. “Nigga you are ruining my vibe!” I screamed chasing him around falling. “Oh, water fight” He slightly said. After a while it was just us on the beach, almost dark. He brought me close to him, my heart rate when up. I was nervous. “What you want to kiss me?” I asked. He smiled and bent his head down to kiss me. Sounds crazy I know but, with Marlon we just chilled at his house all the time, he was my first ever real something and we only went on 3 regular ass dates before I gave it up, I never had no spontaneous shit like this happen and I was going to give up my punnai like that already, but I learned my lesson, but baby I wanted to show him things on the Dick that I couldn’t even do yet. The kiss was so intense, I had butterflies in my stomach and vagina. He broke the kiss thank goodness. “You ready to go, got to get you home before midnight!” He joked. “Want to race?” I asked. He shrugged. “I don’t know, I don’t want you to lose” He said. I smirked. “Ready, set Go!” I yelled running to the car beating him by 4secs. “Damn you fast mami” He said. I did a little dance. “Basketball and Track in high school” I said. His mouth dropped. “Aight we need a one on one. Which is cool cause tomorrow my folks having our Puerto Rican barbeque and My abuelita has a basketball goal” He said. “Nigga you want me to meet your family already?” I asked. He shrugged “Yeah why not my uncles Rio and Arnez make the best Puerto Rican barbeque Im just trying to get you some good food skinny mama” He said to me. I sucked my teeth in. “We gone see if this some good barbeque sir” I said. We got in his car and just vibe out to music, he lit a blunt and we just smoked as he drove us back. We sat in his car and just made jokes about each other until I started dosing off. “Wake up, am I boring you!” He asked sounding silly. I laughed a little. “No, a bitch is worn out” I said. All this adventure and facials and weed got me gone. “Aight well, don’t forget tomorrow RiRi” He stated. I started grabbing my stuff. “I won’t” before I got out, he kissed my forehead then my lips. “Ima make sure you get in before I pull off” He said. I smiled and nodded. When I get inside, I took a shower and passed out naked.

 Tye:

https://open.spotify.com/track/4IdAIZRVkwuQQnHpi529cn

 “This is cute” I said looking at clothes. Samar was on his phone just giggling with some girl. I’m only here because he needed me to style him for Lit and Wild. Plus, in return he said I get a $200 shopping spree which was not much, but I was going to take my time. “Hurry up Tye Tye damn” He snapped. I shooed him away. “Finish talking to your bitches” I said. He mugged me before walking out of the store and sitting on the bench. I got me 2 dresses, another swimsuit and some sandals and 2 pairs of shades and some perfume from Forever 21, Zara, Ray Bans and Macys. “Tye?” I heard. I looked to see it was Julian. Sexy Cuban from the club. “Hey” I said smiling. We hugged and he smelt spicy but good. “So, you busy, you here alone?” He asked. I pointed towards Samar, “Nah I’m here with him” I said. He looked at me. “That’s your man?” He asked frowning. I shook my head laughing. “No that’s just my gay best friend” I lied laughing at what I said. Samar was pissing me of with these hoes so this my way of getting him back. “Oh okay, so you never hit me back about the date?” He asked. Julian and I been texting off and on. I see Samar turn around and look at Julian and me. “Yes, I’m free” I said. He licked his lips at me. “Cool, I been thinking about you ever since the club, I just want to eat you up” He said looking me up and down like he aint ate in days and I’m the first meal he seen. I was scared but i was ready to get ate like he was a savage. “Well Bon Appetit” My dumb ass said aloud. I covered my mouth. “I can’t wait I meant to say” I said embarrassed. He laughed at me and lightly brushed my chin with his finger. “You bad as hell” He said. “What’s up homie?” Samar rudely interrupted. Julian stepped back and just lifted his head up to say hey. I wanted to laugh cause Julian thought Samar was gay. “Ima see you later mama” He told me hugging before he left. “Who’s that nigga?” Samar asked. “The guy I met from the club” I simply said as we walked through the mall. “You trying to fuck?” He asked. I shook my head. Yes, I thought. “No” I lied. “Jelly?” I asked. Samar laughed. “Nah got to make sure niggas treat my sister right” He said. Oh, see now I am about to pogo stick Julian’s dick now, nigga call me his sister. I guess my chance of telling how I feel just was a dream. “You really see me as your sister?” I asked annoyed. He shrugged. “I mean you fam, I love you, I protect you. You know?” He simply said. We got to the parking garage and I put my stuff in the car and got in. “Have you ever been attracted to me?” I asked. He slowly nodded. “Yeah but then I see you as my pretty best friend cause we never took it there just can’t see you being in my life as anything else” He said kissing my hand. I wanted to drive us into the mall. “Yeah just like bro and sis whew” I awkwardly said. He looked at me. “You good?” He asked. I nodded. “I’m happy” I lied. I texted Julian. “I’m free tonight 😋”. He texted me back. “Bet 😉”.

  Zion:

https://open.spotify.com/track/4YNrBVo8fv6qiTNwHLVDai

 I was walking all over the house on the phone talking to Kyrel. “Favorite Childhood movie?” He asked me. “Ooh easy Cheetah girls, that’s my shit!” I stated. He laughed. “Wow you and my sisters’ man” He said. “Nigga that movie is a classic” I told him. “Because we are sisters we stand together” He sang. I fell out on the floor in a laughing fit. “Kyrel I’m going to make you watch it with me now” I told him. “That’s cool with me, spending anytime with you is cool” He said in a sexy tone. “So how about now?” He asked. “Hmm?” I asked confused. “I just pulled up” He said. I heard a knock at the door. I went to the door and opened it. Revealing this fine angel glowing in the dark. I smiled. “What are you doing here?” I asked. He walked in and closed the door. “Just wanted to see you, watch a movie and possibly hold you and that’s it” He said staring into my soul. I nodded. “Okay” I said. I brought him up to the room, I was staying in and we started kissing a little then he stopped me, and we watched Cheetah Girls on Disney plus, until we fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night to Kyrel holding me. I felt a since of protection. I wanted this forever, but I reminded myself in two weeks I be gone, and this shit be over so kept it together.

Supporting Characters:

Isaac: 

Malachi:

Anthony:

Kyrel:

🌟☀️🌠🍀🐰🐧🍦 and one of your choice!

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)well, if we’re doing this.. i like that i have a pretty optimistic view on things, my base level is pretty positive and it’s usually not easy to shake that. and despite just getting another no from another theatre i think i’m pretty ok at this acting thing???? (like I said, optimistic lol) hmm. and lately i’ve been pretty pleased with how much time i spend with myself. i used to need company in order to feel fulfilled, but lately i really feel in my own skin and enjoy time alone. i guess you could say i like that i like myself? :)

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?MOST?? as in ONE thing?? jeepers. my best friend is… radiant. his laugh was one of the first things i Noticed, and honestly it still gets me every time. when he talks about something he’s jazzed about it just pours out of him and you can’t help but be jazzed about it too!! whether he’s showing me a song or a meme or we’re working on a show or rolling a j, when @thehumangenius is happy it radiates everywhere and is absolutely infectious c:

🌠 if you were in charge of the world, what would the world look like?ah geez. i wish i had enough knowledge to like come up with an actionable plan but idk shit. so aside from the obvious no hunger no war typa stuff, i guess it’d be cool if everyone knew all the languages. i feel like a lot of bullshit would be avoided if we literally understood each other better. all those things there aren’t words for in other languages??? shit. imagine. oh and everyone goes to therapy.

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?i haven’t seen new get down yet but what i’d give to be mylene’s boo

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?…………………………………….i’m bi(nothing really, i’m mostly an open book)

🐧 describe yourself in 3 wordsgiddy, mature???, cozy

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?every fall when i was a kid my grandparents used to take me and my two older cousins to the Luurs’. i guess Mr. Luurs was a friend of theirs, but i know it was in/near rosemont cause we always passed the water tower with the big rose on it. but they had this pumpkin patch/fair type thing?? omg. there were ponies and pumpkins and a rly good face painter and affy tapples and bratwurst, and we’d always be passed out in the car ride back. pretty much all the times with my cousins before we went to europe lol. we were pretty good kiddos.

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?MONEYYYY. of course. but otherwise nothing 😏 i’m not the most satisfied with where i am a year after graduating - i haven’t booked a professional gig yet, i’m still living at home, i’m pretty much at the same place financially. BUT i’m almost there on all three it feels like!!