hello, I hope your day finds you well. I really like your halsin content and I like the insight and understanding you provide this character even through the less-than-stellar writing/pacing of the character in the game. I have a thought and was wondering if you could address if you feel this is a valid characterization headcanon or something fully off field: Even from the little Larian has given us about Halsin and his past with sexual trauma it does seem that Halsin has poor self-awareness when it comes to his role in it. In that, I mean, he knows he can have sex and enjoy it tremendously but what happens if he stops enjoying it? If his partner is having fun but he isn't, would he ask them to stop or use a safe word or would he try to 'get through it' for the pleasure of their partner? We have the example of the bear, but that's a little different. If it's someone he is in love/romantic with, would he speak up, do you think? How much does Halsin value his own consent and his own boundaries, do you think? I have my theories but I'd like to hear yours, if you have any. (I apologize for the novel of a question and also, feel free not to answer. you are a busy person :) )

Hello friend! I have a huge load off my shoulders now that two of my four final assignments are done, that's for sure :) Thank you so much for this ask and your nice comments!

So, this is an interesting question, and it's hard to answer because Halsin is just so complex, and sexual trauma itself is complex. He lets the player get away with so much awful stuff- even staying with them if they threaten to sell him back into sexual slavery. That's not just a forgiving nature or goodwill stopping him from asserting himself. But what is it? Does he think it was a joke, or that the stern comment was enough since his captors are dead? Was Halsin's lack of self-assertiveness with loved ones deliberate, the result of rushed writing, or an attempt to write him as "chill" while not realizing the implications of this combined with him lamenting how people think he can't be hurt? He lets the player toy with his heart if partnered, the player repeatedly saying they want to break up only to change their mind- Halsin gets increasingly upset each time, yet never leaves, never tells the player there won't be a next time... it's worrying and confusing.

That said, I think Halsin's sense of sexual boundaries is good enough that he wouldn't let it get to that point. He might or might not stop if he wasn't enjoying it, but if he was in distress, I think he'd speak up. It's not just the bear that makes me think of it; if you later suggest at the love dryad that his greatest regret was turning down the she-bear, he replies, "rejecting unwanted advances is no failure, even if it earned me some scars."

There's also his party banter to Ascended Astarion. "To give oneself wholly, and to have a lover totally in your thrall...? A harmless game, until it becomes real. I worry for the two of you, Astarion. For your sake, I hope some of it is just a fantasy, deep in your heart."

So this shows that Halsin does understand the risks of kink well, and is very firm that there is no problem in rejecting unwelcome advances- in asserting one's boundaries.

That said, he has a very big and gentle heart, and I do think there are circumstances in which he'd be very vulnerable to being manipulated. However, those would require certain deliberate actions on behalf of that person; I don't think it's his default state. (I suppose he might also be prone to this in situations where his trauma was triggered and such, but again, I don't think that's his default.) I think Halsin knows he has as much of a right to boundaries and to have his consent respected as everyone else- he is just bad at defending himself when it comes to hurtful words and actions.

That's just my take on it, though; everyone will have their own opinion, and don't let this tell you not to interpret it that way. If you were, IDK, wanting to write a fic or something, don't let this stop you! There are many ways to make it work, I think.

1 does holly remember any of the spells from the pale vessel fight 2 does holly remember godhome and what happened there 3 was godhome like a dream for hornet or the nailmasters? 4 how are the nailmasters and sly doing? 5 how are cornifer and iselda 6 did the knight finish seer's quest

Oh that's a lot of questions, let me think.

1 - They remember some of them, yes. Particularly focusing to heal, this wasn't a thing in the fight but I assume it's something anyone who learns soul magic can do. They can only heal themselves, though, and to a limited degree (like I mentioned in a previous post, they can't grow back the arm or heal any of their disabilities, only surface wounds). The biggest reasons why they don't generally use soul magic in the AU are: 1. they don't really feel the need to, the domestic life doesn't require combat abilities and they rarely have to heal and 2. they don't have a constant source of soul to use, there are some soul totems scattered around Hallownest but they rarely travel outside of Dirtmouth, and the hot springs in the AU are just water that contains minerals which help you relax and focus, they aren't a source of soul. So while they would in theory be able to use some of the spells, they choose not to.

2 and 3 - Godhome in the AU works a bit differently, I decided to interpret it that way to fit my vision for the AU. It's, as the name suggests, the home of the gods, those which do not have physical forms such as The Radiance and other gods that I want to design some day. Another name I tend to use for this place is The Gods' Plane. The hall of gods doesn't exist in the same form it does in the game (I choose to interpret that part as simply just a gameplay thing with no lore implications). Godhome/The Gods' Plane can be accessed with a Dream Nail through the Godseekers, who I imagine have a similar role to the Moth Tribe and thus similar abilities. Through the hall of the gods, you can enter individual realms of the gods (for example, The Radiance's dream realm, as well as the realms of Unn and The White Lady; the nightmare realm was once part of it but was separated following Grimm's banishment).

So none of these characters were actually there in the AU, physically or through dreaming. The way I imagine it, The Radiance was "summoned" to Godhome from her dream realm and challenged by Ghost. The void then followed, seeping through Godseeker's mind into Godhome. Perhaps Holly witnessed the fight in their consciousness, but they weren't part of it - to them it's more like a memory. So they're the only one who remembers what happened, even if the Pure Vessel fight didn't actually happen there. I hope that makes sense.

4 - Sly moved to the City of Tears after the infection ended, in hopes of becoming rich, to put it short. He has his little shop in the city and finds many more customers than he ever did in Dirtmouth. I imagine he and Lemm are direct competitors since they ended up selling very similar items, so there is some beef between them.

The Nailmasters are where you'd expect them to be. Sheo and the Nailsmith are together, and the other two still live in their huts. Though I like to think Mato visits Dirtmouth from time to time, so he's the most involved of the three brothers. Perhaps there's something going on between him and Brumm, wink wink.

5 - They still live in Dirtmouth and run their shop, though Iselda began joining Cornifer on his trips. They are good friends with the Vyrm family, especially Vyrm himself since Iselda played a big part in helping him recover after the Grimmkin incident (she ran after Brumm as he carried bleeding Vyrm home and then helped with treating the wound). Cornifer is also buddies with him, and Hornet often accompanies him during his trips if they overlap with her morning patrols.

6 - They did, yes. They were collecting dream essence anyway and decided to help her. Which means that the Moth Tribe (that is moths associated with The Radiance, I imagine there are still moth-like species out there) is officially extinct in the AU.

spoilers for pt. 4 of lantern rite, thoughts mainly focused on furina.

at first i was concerned that her & hu tao meeting was going to be another little jab at furina's trauma concerning the floods & the people that were lost to the waters & other things ( because she genuinely carries a lot of guilt with her over it & the powerlessness she felt for the last 500 years & just making false promises that she herself as she was had the power to help them when that wasn't the truth ), so i'm really glad that it didn't end up being the case & it ended up being an entirely different thing.

by the sounds of it furina might be testing her wit on making a horror film which i would love to see personally. i hope this comes back full circle in a later patch - would love to see who she thinks would make perfect actors to star in her horror film, it'll probably be characters from liyue since liyue folklore seems to have been the source of inspiration for this film idea she's trying to iron out.

i'm glad that we caught the fontaine cast as they were leaving liyue because i really wanted the lantern rite to be more heavily focused on the liyue cast. i love the implication that the fontaine characters were there enjoying the lantern rite as well though!

i can't express just how happy i am that furina got to meet zhongli first out of the seven & that she got to spend time with him in the company of hu tao. she genuinely enjoyed their company & i adore & i'm so happy that she did because it emphasizes that her isolation isn't something she does with pleasure. furina doesn't like to be alone, she doesn't want to anymore. being on her own is just something she was forced to live with, self-isolation to cope with what may come her way & threaten her spirit. the fact that she can kick it off with others so well is wonderful & that she feels so at ease & comfortable to just be herself around them.

furina being able to tell there's more to zhongli than meets the eye by a mere conversation was awesome. the exhaustion i feel when people want to discredit her ability to critically think on her own or that she's too "childish" to connect two & two on her own is ridiculous. also this one shot of zhongli looking so happy to see her in person is very cute to me.

it gets glossed over that the seven see furina & her expelled divinity as one entity ( individual interpretations from the fandom/fanon aside ), so betwixt them they hold her at a very high esteem for being able to successfully deceive the heavenly principles which is an entity that they all fear ( for good reason ). they don't see furina &/or focalors, they just see furina who has simply destroyed her throne & is now like zhongli & venti are, they're just three retired tired & exhausted ex-archons. furina, however, does not fully have her memories intact, she only has vague recollections of her very old life. should that ever return to her in full swing or not is still very much in the air. it's neither a yes or a no.

anyway, i'm glad that it can't be argued that furina cares so much about neuvillette. he means a lot to her. & that she thinks of his wellbeing & is hopeful about him giving himself a chance in this world even with his lack of interest for it which she has known he has for the longest time. she knows him so well it's actually so lovely to see it play out how it does. she's using the traveler as her middle man, to pass on her message to him but i'm hopeful for the day where these two will get to talk to each other again & reconcile as she continues to find a healthy way to sort through her traumas & her woes to where it's not entirely consuming her anymore. having her see that she's deserving of love & is worthy of it & that it's genuine is the day i'm so excited to be able to see & witness for myself. for hundreds of years furina encouraged neuvillette to integrate himself more & more into the human world so that he for himself can see the beauty she saw in it even through the struggles & pains that come with it so i'm sure hearing the advice furina told the traveler to pass on to him was a song he was all too familiar with. him admitting & coming to terms with that is very important to that part of their relationship.

hearing clorinde regard furina as her friend no doubt meant the absolute world to furina & given how familiar furina is with clorinde it was important to me that she heard it from clorinde the most because furina knows clorinde wouldn't just say & toss the word friend around so lightly & so mindlessly. it really strengthened the foundation afterwards for furina to call them both her friends as well a few moments later because that was reassurance to furina. clorinde just saying this is what friends do for each other was letting her know that they really see her as their friend & that it's okay for furina to consider & see them as her friends as well because they already consider her as part of their group. it made me so happy. they all came separately but they all depart together.

in general i was pretty happy. it was so nice to see furina again. she means everything to me.

some tid bits that i found so funny were the implications that zhongli really did avoid neuvillette which the conflict in that is something i love because there really is a deep rooted conflict there by relation that needs to get addressed & ironed over & not fixed by the power of friendship.

hu tao saying that neuvillette was a friend of furina's that still had a lot of growing up to do because it's true, hu tao isn't wrong but it's just so funny that it came from hu tao, not because i believe her immature, but because her saying it out of anybody else is implying something.

& then the fact that furina vaguely recalls neuvillette's age as a result of hu tao saying that neuvillette has so much room to grow. i didn't know there was so much controversy around it because from the very beginning it was made clear that furina knew he was the sovereign. you may interpret the text as you want. both cn/jp say that he's at least a thousand years old while the english translation say he's several thousands which, both in essence, are not wrong. furina counting his previous dragon incarnations into his current one isn't anything new, at least to me.

regardless, i'm happy furina got to spend time with zhongli. they're good friends now.

WHATSUP GRACE, your 10/14 fic has me pondering....tbh I was going to comment this but I ran out of characters ahaaaaa. IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH OR IF YOU REALLY DONT CARE AKSKEIE it's just that your fic was amazing and it made me consider the lore implications it has on the series, because let's be honest: the multiverse is real, even if you don't believe it the fact that the theory exists proves it's point. That's how I think of it anyways. My point is that this story is totally real in another universe and so I HAVE QUESTIONS

first, did Tentoo stay in the parallel universe to be with Rose? Or did he stay and find an alternate Y/n? Would 10 have at all considered letting Tentoo stay to be with Y/n? Second, whY WHYWHY did he finally come back for her? Did 11/12/13 think of her? Did they visit her/check on her without her even realizing?! And third, more of an assumption, he broke up with her because he knew he was regenerating right? He must have figured that 11 was his last life if he'd already been through the 50th anni. Fourth, what does River think about her? Fifth, I love you

AHH IM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT. There are a lot of holes that were mostly put up for interpretation but I'll try to clarify and rectify possible mistakes and questions the best that I can.

1) In this fic, tentoo gained the Doctor's feelings - moreso absorbing every remaining ounce of longing the Doctor had for Rose, unbeknownst to the Doctor. So naturally, the best outcome for all was Tentoo and Rose being happily placed together and left in the parallel world.

2) Prior to regenerating, the Doctor realised he no longer held love for Rose. instead, Y/n became a constant in his mind. He became regretful; full of anger. All pointed towards himself - leading to his inevitable demise. After his regeneration, he still thought of Y/n a lot, but everything he did to her made his hearts ache, so he'd push it away. Though, sometimes, against his better judgement, he'd land the tardis someplace quiet, and he'd watch her from afar.

Turns out Y/n's head wasn't playing cruel tricks on her with the taunting traces of the tardis' wheeze.

3) The Doctor didn't talk much about Y/n, too ashamed at himself for the way he'd treated her, though occasionally he'd accidentally slip up and mention her. Consequently, after their marriage, he told River all about her. And River could see the love and hope he held in his hearts for her. She was respectful and understanding. She even scolded him lightly, which he agreed he deserved.

But ultimately, the Doctor and River's relationship didn't change. Only with the Doctor being a little more withdrawn than in the show.

4) 14 was entirely devoted to Y/n. Internally, he had made a vow to never hurt her again. In this regeneration, he realised he had reverted to his former self because he had unfinished business with her. He desperately needed and yearned for his former fiancèe.

Y/n fought with her self respect and urge for travelling. Should she stay, knowing he was capable of mentally destroying her like he had before? Or should she leave before it was too late?

She took ahold on his hand, allowing him to giddly lead her to the tardis. Gradually, she let her walls slip, noting how different this version was. She no longer felt like a second thought.

And they both agreed that one trip just wasn't enough.

So, she did as she had done years before. She stayed, conscious that she may, as she had previously, live to regret that decision.

*Completely up to you if you want to decide they had a happy life, Y/n sticking around for the 15th, too. I like to imagine that was the case, but is anything really that easy when it comes to the Doctor?*

ILYSM TY FOR ASKING AND INTERACTING <33

Thinking about the implication that Gillion is the one who has constructed his trial makes things all the more fucked up.

When the donjon uses the word "sin", it is pulling from Gillion's own interpretation of what a sin is: and what Gillion sees as a sin is his inability to bear pain. In the sun temple he confesses that he doesn't want to be the chosen one, that he feels he can't bear the responsibilities and that makes him sinful. In the end of the trial, he confesses he hates the elders, he hated the failure, he hated waking up in the morning and that makes him sinful. Gillion feels sinful for wanting to be normal, for being abused, for feeling depressed and even suicidal. When the donjon interrogates Gillion for his sins, Gillion is judging himself harshly from a very flawed view of what sin is.

His "wrath", his "pride", his "impulsiveness". Although Gillion has these flaws, the ways in which he identifies them in his past is such a worrying sentiment. He puts blame on himself that he killed humans in the first case, even if he couldn't have known better. He puts blame on himself that he was self absorbed in the second case, even if he couldn't have known better. He puts blame on himself that he attacked a navy officer in the third case, even if he couldn't have known better. When Gillion reflects on his past and projects his own failure onto it is so deeply troubling - he's weaponising his own hindsight against himself. His sin is hating the elders and it's a sin because what happened must have been a fault on his part. Gillion didn't say that it was the elders fault he failed, just that he hated the elders for waking him up TO fail. THEY didn't fail him, they WATCHED him fail. There's a difference between these two sentiments.

And what we also need to bring up is that even if Gillion tried his best in each case, it still wasn't good enough. There's a reason why Charlie had to make wisdom saves just to see if Gillion felt what he did was right. No matter how far he comes he still doubts himself.

I think that there's good reason why the trial didn't have a resolution. Gillion's trial still did little to trump his fear of his abusers, it still did little to make him feel confident. He still has to physically prepare himself in case he failed because the pain of failure still overwhelms him. And you know even if Gillion says that he doesn't need their validation, Gillion still constructed his own trial and bore it in the hopes he wouldn't be guilty. How can Gillion resolve his own trial when he's still bearing so much emotional baggage? Even if he had recieved his verdict, would it really have resolved anything? Chances are it only would have made Gillion worse in one way or another.

The way Gillion held himself was amazing in some regards, but the fact is that Gillion constructed his own trial because he judges himself as a screwup. He WAS banished, he WAS guilty. This trial was a judgement of his current state rather than him at ALL forgiving himself for what he did. This trial is not enough to forgive him of his past, only to see if he "will no longer be destined to ruin that of which you touch". No longer be destined - which doesn't mean he WON'T, just that he's no longer "destined". And oh boy the fact that for all this time Gillion has felt that he was destined to fail? That he's been waiting EVERY day for him to ruin everything around him? Everything he touches? To ruin Jay or Chip or to fuck something up the next time he tries to help like the chosen one he's meant to be?

Dear deities above, why did the donjon have to be a reflection of Gillion's inner conflict. That's so messed up. It's not healthy for Gillion to continue to deal with all this alone; he's already dealt with everything alone for so long. How I wish for someone, ANYONE to tell him that it's not his fault...

Any thoughts on Mike's suicide attempt in S1? Do you think there could be a call back to that moment in s5?

I'm going to be honest, the first time I watched the show, I really didn't pick up on the implications of the quarry scene, but upon rewatching it, boy did it get me. The context around that scene is so heartbreaking, and we even hear Dustin saying "I don't need teeth" to Mike while Troy is threatening him; he's saying to Mike that his teeth aren't worth Mike's life, and yet Mike is perfectly ready to step off the cliff if it means that his friend doesn't get hurt, because he doesn't see the value in living any more if it means they have no way of getting to Will and if so much of what Mike believed about the world no longer holds true. I really think that one of the reasons Mike clung so tightly to El was because it gave him hope that there was a way to overcome that darkness that took over Hawkins, the darkness in losing Will, and when he's not only lost Will, but also lost that one thread of hope he was clinging onto so tightly when he thinks El left, Mike doesn't know how to make sense of his reality or what the next step to take is. This is what giving up for Mike looked like, because at least then Dustin could keep his teeth, and he could do some good. I really think that Mike felt so powerless in that moment, because all through season 1, we saw Mike actively trying to help to find Will even when he was told not to. He wanted to do everything and anything in his power to get Will back safe and alive, and if that meant putting himself in danger in the process, then so be it. But Mike felt as though he alone wasn't enough to save Will. I really think that the quarry scene is kind of the turning point for Mike's arc, because he relinquishes his role as leader of the party here. He no longer feels like what he has to contribute is meaningful in this endeavor, and I also think that this feeling of worthlessness that Mike felt at the quarry is also helplessly intertwined with his entire relationship with El. El once again steps in and plays her part as the superhero to save Mike's life, and of course he's grateful to her for that because I'm not really sure that consciously Mike wanted to die, but at the same time, I don't necessarily think he felt relief in her coming back because he felt like his own life mattered, I think he felt relief because he could still cling on to that hope that Will could be saved. But even still, Mike believed that El was the one who mattered, and not himself, and I think this moment is really key in understanding the development of Mike's superhero idolization and fixation on El when Mike thinks she dies at the end of s1, because El symbolized this hope and this new understanding he had of the world, this ability to change the boundaries of reality, and in his eyes, this was the only way to get Will back, so without her in season 2, he throws himself into being Will's protector without truly believing he's enough to protect Will.

I think we're really meant to see the significance in this moment when it's called back in season 2 with Ted saying, "If your friend jumped off a cliff, would you jump too?" Because it contextualizes this scene completely differently than the initial interpretation that it was just about Dustin. The connotation was that people believed Will had either jumped or been pushed off of the cliff into the quarry, and Mike had been willing to follow. It indicates to us as viewers that there was so much more going on in this scene than what initially met the eye, and that Will was always centered there.

I think it would be a great narrative choice to see a callback to the quarry, but I'm not quite sure how I would want that to happen yet. I think that so much tragedy has already taken place there that I would like to see some form of healing taking place in a return to the quarry, an intimate conversation about loss and how much the friendship (or something more) that exists between Mike and Will means to them both individually. I'd like to see a reclamation of the quarry in a way that doesn't lack the acknowledgement of the trauma surrounding it, but that also makes it a meaningful place to look back at and think, thank God it didn't end this way for us.

Undead Unluck ep.7 thoughts

[Don't Let Your Dreams Be Dreams!]

(Contents: minor griping, adaptation notes)

Okay, we didn't get quite where I expected with this week's episode, as we seem to have gone back to two chapters per episode, this one being 13 and 14. I'm not sure if it's because we used up a little bit of chapter 13 last week, but there were a lot of recycled clips in this episode, something I always find annoying no matter what anime does it. I find it especially annoying when it's using scenes we just saw a few minutes ago!

BUT! Ignoring the reused clips, this episode accomplished the sort of thing I've been hoping to see in this adaptation; expansion on the source material. It wasn't by a lot, but the teacher's scene running at Spoil surrounded by the sunflowers that represent the dreams of the children, lining her path as if they were forming the aisle she always dreamed of walking down in a wedding dress, was such a beautiful interpretation of what was originally two otherwise unnoteworthy panels

The teacher hugging Fuuko also nearly made me cry, as being able to convey Fuuko's initial confusion and her transition into acceptance carries so much more weight when you can see how long it takes her to do so, how much she has to wrestle with the realization and understanding of the implications and consequences. I've always liked that scene in the manga, but I never got this emotional over it

Spoil's transition to Phase 2 was also rad. Seeing his cocoon unfurl into his wings, coupled with that ominous music, was super intimidating, and watching Spoil extend his disgusting, oily neck to Fuuko and Shen was so much freakier than his face suddenly being next to Fuuko with no explanation. Aside from the fact that they don't animate his mouth moving, Spoil looks great, and my favorite part is hands down his hair dripping with sludge that corrodes the earth it lands upon, kicking up presumably noxious sand. And the sandstorm clearing as Fuuko declares her dream, hoo, what a great touch!

Really the only things holding this episode back for me are the recycled bits and non-animated moments (like Fuuko bumping her way through the zombies through freeze-frames), but you know what? They're gonna be sooo worth it with either next week's episode or the one after, cus we're about to hit the midseason climax, and you know they want these two to look good. If they're anything like the Gina fight, I'm stoked!

I’m surprised that you mentioned people interpreted Casca’s “I wanna be with him as best I can, I wanna be the sword at his hip to help him achieve his dream” as non-romantic.

I mean, to me at least, that piece of dialogue, with Casca looking like she’s blushing at the thought of Griffith, seemed blatantly romantic. Yeah, she says that it was a smokescreen of her real want to be Griffith’s lover, but I thought it was pretty obvious she was infatuated with Griffith and that wanting to be his sword carried implication of being a romantic partner rather than just really useful swordswoman.

I mean, fucking hell, how do you look at this panel and think “Yeah, she just wants to be useful to the one who saved her, no romantic intentions included.”

I'm not sure whether you're talking about the people who think Casca was never in love with Griffith or the ones who thought she had a motivation other than wanting to be with Griffith (not totally the same thing), so I'm going to address both. Ahem!

For the first one, I'd say it's less that people don't realize the romantic implications of Casca's behavior here than that they think she's wrong about it. From what I've seen the general line from people who don't believe Casca was in love with Griffith is something like, "Casca idolized and idealized Griffith and mistook her admiration for love, and only realized that she wasn't really in love with him when she fell in love with Guts and saw what real love is like."

The thing is I do understand where they're coming from on that because of the vague way she talks about it in the meadow scene, but at the same time it doesn't make any sense. Because while Casca may idolize Griffith she idealized him less than anyone else in the Hawks, and also because in context there's no way for "I lied about what I said in the cave" to mean anything other than that she was (at one point, at least) in love with him, since her statement is basically "I lied when I said I wanted to be his sword. I'm not stupid, I knew he was going to marry the princess so i thought if I couldn't be a woman to him then maybe a sword, as long as I was something indispensable." The only real question is whether, or when, she stopped being in love with him and the answer is never, because she still was right up until the Eclipse. It just became more complicated because of Guts and because of Griffith's situation.

But yeah, I mean I do think it's obvious that she's in love with him no matter how she says it. Hell, even Guts picks it up, and he's clueless about emotions 90% of the time.

Anyway that belief, IMO is just shipper purism. It's a Berserk take on "I thought I knew love, but I never knew love until I met you" soulmatery. You get it in every fandom, and sometimes even in creators especially in spheres like western comics where the fans grow up and write their fanfic into the published stories. For some reason shippers often have a hard time with the idea that people in their pairing ever loved someone other than the other person in their pairing, idk.

Now for the latter, I think they do tend to realize that she was in love with him, it's just that they were hoping that wasn't her only motivation. Because if you like her in theory - the idea of her or I guess the idea of what she could hypothetically have become, then you're going to be hoping that she had more substance to her motives than that. And then she didn't, so its like, "oh."

...

The thing is, I think she's meant to have somewhat substantial motives, like I don't think Miura sat there like how do I make a woman who is just completely defined by her romantic feelings for two men. He talked at some length about not wanting to treat female characters disrespectfully and not wanting to make ladies who were designed to be convenient for men, and how he always hoped that women would like them. He also sought outside help from Mori in designing them since he didn't really know any women. And because he wrote that period of Berserk kind of like a shojo, I can understand why he would think being motivated by romance isn't weird - and honestly if we're keeping it 100, Guts is motivated by Griffith a lot of the time, too.

I think what really makes it go down poorly with Casca is just how visible the strings are. Because with Guts, his character is so substantial and has so much going on that his being pulled around by his heart where Griffith and Casca are concerned is just like a ripple in a great lake. Griffith's not dissimilar - so much of his character is driven by his feelings for Guts, but he also has other things going on, most notably his ambitions. Even the later-series heroine, Farnese, has a crush on Guts but she's also studying witchcraft and she has her own individual relationships with Schierke, Casca and Serpico. She had a whole arc about leaving the church and another about leaving her family. etc. etc.

But with Casca, there's really nothing going on with her other than her feelings for Griffith and Guts, and her life being stressful because of her feelings for Griffith and Guts, so she comes off as a bit flimsy.

Hi RBS,

Hope you are doing well. For the longest time I wondered if DD was demisexual. Never seen him interested in anyone beyond GG.

But his reaction to xiao junjun s performance is a revelation. I don’t think he has ever reacted to a woman like that on SDC ever .

Hi Choko, I am well, thanks! I hope you are too! 😊

Fake, fan fiction, CPN.

Choko is talking about this clip from SDOC3, which was edited/censored out of the episode that aired at the time and only recently came to light when a dance studio shared it on Weibo.

I've seen a lot of different reactions to this clip over the past couple of days. A lot of people view DD's response as being very gay, very into how hot and steamy this performance is.

DD definitely shows a lot of enthusiasm for the performance. And it's true that it's inconceivable that DD would ever respond quite this enthusiastically or openly to a similar performance from a woman. We all know how he responded to sexy dances from women during that same season.

However, I personally didn't interpret his reaction in quite the same way a lot of fans have. I don't see DD's reaction as sexual or aroused or drooling or whatever.

If you look at XJJ's performance, a lot of the moves are typical - even stereotypical - 'striptease', 'burlesque' kind of moves women have commonly performed in the past. It's a very sensual, sexual, seductive performance, the type of thing that is usually associated with femininity/women.

Men aren't typically seen doing this type of thing. Social and cultural norms don't allow men to present this sort of open, seductive sensuality in public.

I think DD (and Jackson too, for that matter) is reacting to the stunning way XJJ is breaking down barriers with his performance. His enthusiasm is for the bold courage and incredible skill being shown by XJJ, to do this sort of performance in public, in CHINA, on TV, for a group of male judges. XJJ has balls of steel. 😅

To a queer guy like DD - and like myself and a couple of others whose reactions I've heard from - this performance is powerful and striking in its bravery. As one person said - and I agree - queer people (and I think especially queer men) are ultra conscious of how to behave in public so as not to become a spectacle or create a fuss or draw attention to our queerness.

Seeing another guy do all of that so brazenly, yet so naturally and unselfconsciously, is jaw-dropping. He makes it look easy, and he shows us a glimpse of 'what could be' if the world wasn't so utterly fucked up.

I think that's why we see DD practically jumping the couch over what XJJ is giving on that stage.

It's inspiring to see a guy perform so beautifully and sensually in a setting like that.

And DD expresses in his comments afterward that he is impressed that XJJ was able to captivate 5 'street dance' men in the way that he did. It's a testament to how well he performed that sensuality.

So it's kind of difficult for me to clown about this clip or get all gleeful about what it says about DD's sexuality. I don't think it really has much to do with his sexuality. At least, not directly. It's more of a cultural thing, and very meaningful, to witness a man openly defying gender stereotypes and norms in this way.

And no doubt some of the political implications of that are likely why the clip was censored in the show that aired. The government there considers it very inappropriate for men to step out of the very tight, very constrictive box it's trying to keep them in.

Obviously none of us know what was going through DD's head, but based on my impressions of him, that's my take on it.

As for DD being demisexual, I guess it's possible, but I don't personally see him that way.

Some related posts people might find interesting:

DD being into skateboarding and motorcycles must mean he’s straight, right?

China’s policy around effeminate men in the media

How can queer international fans deal with queer issues in China?

Queer men being chosen for nationalistic projects?

DD’s Sneakers and Ice Cream Post

Let's talk about Tsumugi for a minute...

I was thinking about what her plan was at the end of the game. It's clear that she was setting up for Junko to be the "Mastermind". Right?

It's one way of interpreting it at least, another way of interpreting it would be she had always planned on revealing that Danganronpa is just a game.

I'm inclined to believe what may be closer to Canon based on the events that happen is the latter.

My reasonings are under the cut as well as what I think might have been a plan if she were trying to set up for Junko.

Okay let's start with option one: Junko was the planned mastermind reveal.

This could have fit into the story of Tsumugi having faked her own death, only to later come back at the mastermind Junko in cosplay. This could have been solved by Shuichi and friends figuring out that she was actually Tsumugi and thus the beans get spilled on accident, causing Tsumugi her despair.

I don't think that aligns with a cannon interpretation though because she doesn't fake her own death, plain and simple. So it asks the question, what was her plan? She clearly left breadcrumbs to imply that the mastermind was Junko, and when she is caught she says that the mastermind is Junko because it's always Junko.

But she pretty readily admits that everything is fake actually, it almost feels like she is abandoning her earlier plans to include Junko.

One interpretation is that she grew attached to the survivors and wanted to stop Danganronpa. It is supported by two things: 1.) She doesn't vote. She says it's because she wants hope to win, but after everything she just witnessed, if she had predicted everything else that happened, I find it hard (not impossible) to believe she didn't see Kiibo not voting as a real and viable outcome. 2.) She says, "because you guys are my friends." And she says this earnestly. She really thinks that, of course the survivors and the audience are emotionally intelligent enough to understand that even if she feels that way it doesn't justify her actions or make her less of a threat. But if we can say that she actually really thought of the cast as her friends by the end of the game, it contradicts her initial motives and statements, that everything and everyone is fake. Fiction. Her creation. To say friend implies a level of mutual ground.

She doesn't say, "because I love you guys" or "because I want to watch what you do" or any other statement that would get the message across with enough ambiguous superiority that it could have a varied implication. She says " you are my friends" you are my equals.

So if she had come around and needed to double down as the bad guy to give them all the strength to end DR once and for all, that could make sense in the context of what we are given. I think that makes more sense for her character.

It could be that option one was her original plan but it wasn't scheduled until later, and then she changed while taking part in the KG and decided that she wanted to dismantle what she created.

That's just a theory though.

Juicy details on why the white beard pirates hate?? If you want, I'm mean. I am entirely ambivalent towards them and in my limited One Piece bubble only see the occasional Marco stan but you always have such good takes 😌

I talked about this recently but I'll rehash it because I think about it CONSTANTLY.

The Whitebeards are predatory. Straight up. This is canon. Just basing Ace's "recruitment" (which is treated as TOTALLY NORMAL by all the Whitebeards), Whitebeard and his crew deliberately target young and vulnerable captains, basically cornering them to absorb those captains and their crews into the fleet.

They canonly captured Ace, who was as far as I remember injured with his crew under attack, and kept him hostage for at least a few months by my guess. He was not willing, he didn't go with them by choice, and he was actively trying to kill Whitebeard. And then he suddenly. . . isn't. He agrees to join the crew, calls Whitebeard pops, and then the Spade pirates are not only absorbed into the fleet, they're separated. We don't really see any of the Spades post-Whitebeard except Ace and Deuce; I don't even know if they were all allowed to stay, considering Whitebeard doesn't seem eager to have "daughters."

I know that the implication in canon is that Ace just ended up liking Whitebeard and his crew but. . . it's all just very weird to me. It feels like it would make just as much sense in a canon context for Ace to be fucking miserable and terrified, possibly without even realizing it. Whitebeard using Ace's issues with Roger especially feels manipulative to me, deliberately targeting the most vulnerable parts of Ace to convince him that the Whitebeard is the only one who would love him as he is (which is wrong!! Luffy adores him and always has!!!) and the only chance he has at a family (wrong again!!!! Luffy get your ass over here!!!!!!).

And again, Ace wasn't willing to stay on the ship without being kept prisoner. He wasn't allowed to leave, he definitely wasn't allowed to go find and protect his crew. So canonly speaking, joining the Whitebeard pirates was Ace's only chance to regain some measure of freedom and reunite with the other Spade pirates. You can't even argue that he was too much of a threat to Whitebeard to let go; he was a teenager going up against an emperor and clearly had no hope of ever actually touching Whitebeard, let alone injuring him. If they actually cared about Ace's opinion, they could've just fucking dropped him off on some random island instead of giving him Stockholm syndrome.

And, again, Ace's treatment was treated as so completely normal that there is no possible way to interpret it in any way except for this being something the Whitebeards do on a regular basis, which would explain how Whitebeard managed to grow his fleet to such an absurd size. It would make a lot of sense if most of his fleet joined and stayed specifically to be close to the captains that Whitebeard stole.

So yeah, while the Whitebeards are framed as a loving family, it would be just as valid to use the canon information to interpret them as highly manipulative kidnappers who steal promising young captains and absorb their crews. Maybe Whitebeard genuinely cares about them but doesn't notice or care how his actions affect them, maybe he's deliberately trying to get powerful captains under his flag to keep them from becoming threats to his power, or maybe (and this is my favorite interpretation) he collects young and interesting captains as a sort of novelty for himself and sees them more as leashed and muzzled pets than his children.

(This darker interpretation of the Whitebeards also gives his crew member's jolly roger tattoos a much more somber meaning. When you see Whitebeard as someone who steals and claims captains for himself, the tattoos seem less like a sign of affection and more like a brand of ownership. A full back tattoo of an emperor's jolly roger would be a very difficult thing to hide or remove if Whitebeard's precious Ace ever decided to leave. . . . . .)

Hi there! First thank you always for translating the Rebecca interviews they are really fun and interesting to read. Seeing some of your comments you made about the Korean Dannys views on romance/homosexuality I was curious. When I first read the novel which was a long time ago, my interpretation of Danny and Rebecca’s relationship was 50/50 maybe really lovers but could also just be some type of non-romantic attachment. After watching the Korean production I feel that there’s a stronger implication of them being lovers. Some Rebecca fandom friends that I know are on the skeptical side I guess about them being real lovers so this is a topic that interests me. I was curious do you think you would’ve still thought of Danny and Rebecca as lovers if it wasn’t for the Korean production/Ock Joohyun? Really wanted to know your thoughts about that! Actlly I want to think of them as lovers but like if asked to defend why I think they’re lovers I’m not sure I’d personally be able support my view properly with evidence or anything since I’m not the good at analysis type etc haha. I hope this makes sense? Thx

Tbh it's kind of hard to say I feel that way 100% with no bias but,,,

(lol under the read more bc i ended up rambling)

Actually, the way I got into Rebecca was I discovered joo hyuns performance > i read the wiki > i watched a subtitled version of the german performance > I watched the Korean production > then I read the book > then I translated the Korean script further and read interviews.

Joo Hyun's performance was only just her singing the Rebecca long reprise at the top of act two, it wasn't really a song that incredibly showcased her interpretation or feelings towards the dynamic between rebecca and danny. when I read the wiki I was already thinking danny and rebecca sounded gay as hell and even watching the albeit reserved german production i felt like the specific situation that danny was found it alluded to that lover dynamic. like im a lesbian LOL so I kind of immediately went hey theres another lesbian right there. When it came to how maxim talked about rebecca it only further cemented in my mind that rebecca was also a lesbian. so like even from the german production, i felt that rebecca and danny were lesbians and had something together. now whether that something was balanced is another story, but i deff in my heart knew that they were some kind of secret lovers.

i don;t think in my mind that i ever had any doubt that rebecca and danny had some kind of more than mistress and servant relationship, and i dont think that i ever doubted that it was ever one sided. idk i just felt it in my gut. But i also moved on from the german production quite quickly when i got a copy of the rebecca production. that initial feeling of theyre lesbians really bloomed into oh they really loved each other when i got to the korean production and joo hyunie was pulling out all the stops. like the way she was acting,,, there was this palpable sense of love, the kind of love that felt equal. i've also talked about this before in one of my review essays (on my writing blog) but i think the contrast of her age against the older german dannys did a lot of work to bring that love closer to "lovers" and a more balanced dynamic imo.

i remember talking to a german rebecca fan and they talked a lot about doing a lot of contextualising and rationalising, trying to bend the script into a way that danny and rebecca were something in a mutual sense. i remember being really confused about that. like they had to put a lot of mental energy into rationalising that they were "mutual lovers" whereas it felt innate to me that they were.

Re: the age contrast. When I finally got to reading the book as well, in my mind i thought danny and rebecca grew up together as children (the line where danny has been with rebecca since she was young). also please note that i'm asian so like cultural aspects of rebecca flew over my head at times, but when i read it thats what i thought that line meant. but i talked to a european rebecca friend of mine and they said danny is referred to as governess and usually theyd be at least like 20 so when danny says she was with rebecca since childhood she meant in an overseeing kind of way; child and carer relationship. me not knowing that cultural thing impacted the balance i saw in their relationship which is why its also interesting that a lot of the korean dannys felt the same way i felt.

i haven't read the korean translation of rebecca so i dont know how they translate that cultural aspect/line but joo hyun, shin young sook, jang eun ah and kim sun young as i have just discovered all thought that danny grew up with rebecca. that her mother was rebecca's nanny and because of their close proximity grew up together. even before reading the interviews where these dannys said that, i also thought that was the case. so maybe its a culture thing?

but because of that, the relationship felt balanced enough that i felt like it was mutual. compounded by the more emotive ways that joo hyunie was expressing just how much she loved rebecca, it felt like a no brainer to me that they loved each other exclusively. sure rebecca was out and about having sex, but it wasnt sex out of love, it felt like sex out of fun or a habitual need, it felt like it meant entirely nothing to her. ergo her "love" (the kind beyond just physical sex) was only for danny. ive always felt very certain of that.

i think your feeling of not being able to defend danny and rebecca mutual relationship is understandable. there's so much ambiguity in the original text that its difficult to say that this thing points directly to this, or lots of lines could mean different things to different people. i'm always the opinion of rebecca is a mirror and depending on what themes or ideas or messages that u pick up, it's really just a reflection of what u want to see most. now whether i agree with another person's image of rebecca through that mirror is an entirely differnt matter, but i can't help but feel that way with danny and rebecca. its like,,, all i can say is, have you looked at them?? dont they seem that way to you??

lol im sure if i put my head into it i could make an essay to "prove" that theyre in a mutual relationship, and i know theres plently of evidence that i could pick out, but the gut feeling has been there from the start!

okay but like I'm lowkey experiencing serious brain rot over the scene where lucius tells izzy "we don't own each other"

to me that is such a nerve to hit if izzy really has ed's signature on his cheek (and I'm willing to bet lucius doesn't even know how hard he's hitting)

I'm going crazy at the thought of izzy already loosing ed, then finding something else to do (ordering the crew around) as a means to distract himself and then being told that pete and lucius don't own each other, probably sending him right back to that feeling of loosing control in every sense

like maybe they don't own each other but if that's ed's signature on izzy's cheek, it's pretty clear that ed owns izzy in whatever way suits their relationship before ed got bored and slowly moved on to stede (also not to mention how ed wouldn't let izzy leave, again adding to that ownership grasp ed has on him)

and then adding on the comment of "have you ever been sketched?". I don't know if lucius knew what he was doing but I'm totally reading it as asking izzy to step out of ed's control

and izzy responds by saying "fuck off" in that tone of voice. my interpretation would be that it hits him so hard because he doesn't know any other type of "love" than "being owned" by the other person and because he's still holding onto straws of hope for ed, i don't think he expects whatever the fuck he's feeling to be returned, but he most likely hopes that ed will kill stede as he promised and they will go back to how they were before stede entered their lives, and continue in the safety of their lives before - regardless of what "safety" looks like to izzy (but we know that it won't)

I think this is worded poorly but I hope you get the sentiment. I have been loving reading your takes and I needed to get this off my chest 💕

I got the sentiment! I definitely got the sentiment!

Izzy has so much to work through, and I think the worst part is the interpretation some people have (which, I can't help but agree with) that Ed was very full on with Izzy, to the point he tattooed his X onto Izzy's cheek, and then got bored and moved on to shinier things (Stede). So the idea that Izzy is still clinging to the idea that he's Ed's, that Ed owns him, while Ed isn't feeling that way as strongly anymore? Ouch.

i don't think he expects whatever the fuck he's feeling to be returned, but he most likely hopes that ed will kill stede as he promised and they will go back to how they were before stede entered their lives, and continue in the safety of their lives before - regardless of what "safety" looks like to izzy (but we know that it won't)

:( This is so true. He wasn't asking for Ed to realize he's madly in love with him, tell Stede to fuck off and then fling himself down on one knee for Izzy. He just wanted Ed to follow through on his promised plan and see that out to its conclusion so things could go back to normal.

That said, I imagine the idea of Ed leaving once Stede was dead, going off to be wealthy away from Izzy, wasn't really making him happy. Only the idea of killing Stede so things would go back to normal was what Izzy wanted.

I don't think Izzy wanted to be captain of any ship, I think he was mostly, at the end of 1x04, very flattered and complimented that Ed thought he was capable of being captain, and the very strong praise that was Ed saying he knew the ropes and was good at what he did. I think he was so distracted by that, it was probably a bit of time before he realized the deeper implications: Ed leaving even more than he already was.

Do you think whenever Kokichi said "It was a lie" or "That's a lie", he was actually trying to tell them that the game/the reality is a lie? Like, he somehow knew that everything was faked, but he couldn't outright say it because he was either being watched and couldn't risk it or he literally couldn't, so he says "It's a lie" around Shuichi since he hopes that he could figure out what he actually means. Being an ultimate detective and all.

And lo and behold, the one who figured out what Kokichi really meant was Kaito

Hmmmm Y'know one of the key parts of my interpretation of Kokichi is that he's kind of just as clueless as everyone else about what's going on from the very beginning. Kokichi's smart, so I think he picked up on the weirdness of the situation quicker than the others (especially since he probably spent a good amount of his time fucking off by himself and exploring with his lock picking abilities) but I feel very strongly that he was only slightly ahead, and never had all the answers.

I kinda dislike it when Kokichi is portrayed as someone who figured everything out quickly and is trying to communicate this knowledge to everyone else in code, cause often times its accompanied with implications that the rest of the cast is stupid or only getting in his way or just frustrating to interact with. That Kokichi is the only threat to the killing game and everyone else is just passively surviving. I Do think Kokichi indirectly tries to get Shuichi and others to pick up on some of the things he's figured out by lying or saying weird shit and then saying that it was a lie. He knows that if he speaks directly about some of the stuff he wants to say, it'll put a target on his back. But I also think sometimes, he's just lying. Because he does genuinely enjoy lying if it makes things more interesting. And Sometimes, he's asserting what he thinks is true, but just straight up got it wrong.

I think his character is so much more interesting if Kokichi is just someone who doesn't have all the answers and is trying his best. I think Kokichi HIGHLY suspected, if he wasn't convinced, that they were being watched starting in ch5. But he didn't know the depth of ultimate real fiction, or that V3 was a TV show, and I feel especially strongly that he wasn't even all that suspicious of Tsumugi wrt being the mastermind.

When Kokichi is just a clever person with layers of issues and repression preventing him from working with others. When he's just an ultimate leader trying to lead* his classmates so he can try to get as many of them out of the killing game as possible while keeping them at arms length not only due to his own repression but so that he can be "pragmatic" and sacrifice pawns he deems necessary for the overall cause. When he genuinely needs other people's help to achieve his goals and for so long doesn't take any but eventually requests the help of someone so different from him (Kaito). I find that way more interesting.

This is just my personal opinion, but I think the devs should have the courage to get rid of the ltd once and for all, for good, forever. No more being vague about any freaking thing (including songs) nor letting ppl have their own interpretations or whatever. I know Nojima is doing his best and the localization team is doing their best TO sabotage his work (unfortunately). Many times it felt like their main focus was on ltd and it showed as the scenes went by. I love VII and it's story and I understand that certain things has to happen which makes the story lovable,but many times I have felt like the ltd as a red herring and being in love with Tifa as a "shocking truth and turning point" has been one of the biggest mistakes to happen. Especially since how it turned out with the dating mechanism and shitty localization. It just went way over people's heads and turned out rather ugly.

I've seen some say they enjoy XVI's lovestory more since it's clearly (read: physically) shown (surely the setting is different too) compared to Cloud and Tifa. Which I understand and at the same time don't since VII's story came out at the time when there wasn't that much possibilities/it wasn't common to show physical things. Clive and Jill are undoubtely also based heavily on Cloti.

But for "everyone's" sake and sanity I truly hope Cloud's and Tifa's physical side will be shown and all the emotions and feelings so certain kind of torture could be over. I also feel like for me the implications (with the Remake/pt3) won't be enough. A kiss at least is heavily needed (eventhough I know they're canon etc). I just want the seal to be closed for good. Without a doubt ship wars will continue, but it'd give the exact closure that is needed.

There never was an ltd, just some badly phrased comments from Kitase, and Toriyama being an ass who changes stuff without notifying Nojima. At no point have any of the devs entertained Aerith as being romantically involved with Cloud. It's always as part of the mystery of Zack.

Literally Nomura in 1997. He's talking about the branching mechanic of the story options and saying if they removed them Tifa's the only path.

People got sucked in by Sony and a dumbass tragedy trope and spent 26 years telling the devs their fanfiction was canon. The devs responded with this:

And Nojima wrote Aerith's resolution to have her looking down on Cloud. No matter how you slice it, that's about as romantic as being gifted a steaming turd.

And let's not overlook how Cloud is constantly confused af around Aerith.

There really isn't and never was an ltd outside of idiots delusions.

Merry Christmas even if they were a few days back!!!! I hope you had a good time! (Dont remember if i already wished you well) Currently rereading the latest chapter because i *WILL* send my thoughts on it because both the chapter and you deserve it.

But in the meantime i had some Alicent thoughts that i needed to share with someone else apart from my bestie. So i come here and scream at your inbox with another discount analysis.

Here goes, in my mind Alicent's first time giving birth would have been really traumatizing. As easy as it might have been (in comparison to Aemma's) she was still 15?16? when she gave birth. That combined with the fact that at that time her friendly neighborhood marital rape (for the life of me i am unable to call it anything else) would have hit worse since she was still a child and it was the beginning of her miserable marriage and would have made things much more stressful and hurtful for this child's first time giving birth.

Also also in my headcanon everyone was worried about the baby and whether or not it'd be a boy. And therefore they only spared a look or a word her way when it had to do with the birth and not herself. No worries about her comfort or pain or whatnot. No encouraging words apart from the things you'd expect a farmer to whisper to his birthing cow. Just.. people treated her like a mare to be bred and like the bringer of the much awaited son [and heir (?)]. And oh boi was that a source of stress and terror for her. It must have been!

Not only did she know that the maesters wouldnt hesitate to butcher her trying to get to the Son but also if Viserys could approve of the murder of his dear and beloved wife....what would he approve of regarding her?

What would her father do? Would he even do anything? Isolated and treated as an object. And all that while she is a literal CHILD.

(I dont think my headcanon is that much far from show!reality btw and i must say once more, fuck Alicent haters. She's MY Queen treason and usurping aside. Ilhsm)

Also please let's not forget the actual physical pain and stress the labour would have put on her (underage) body. I cant stress this enough.. she was a C h i l d.

[How can some people be so hateful towards her while simultaneously crying feminist tears over Rhaenyra and her rights and hardships? Hating one of them on the grounds of this flimsy morality means not understanding or respecting either of them.]

Anyways sorry for the spam I just... I was thinking a lot about it while babysitting and having a horrible time trying to get my niece to sleep. I hope my interpretation of what we've seen on the show wasn't completely wrong and horrible.

MERRY CHRISTMAS (respectfully late I’m sorry i have no concept of time being real) TO YOU TOO BESTIE, I’m so excited to hear your thoughts on the latest chapter lmfaoooo

BUT LETS TALK ABOUT YOUR ALICENT THOUGHTS BECAUSE YOURE SO RIGHT AND I LIVE FOR THESE

Calling it martial rape is so right, viserys was really in his “gonna fuck the pain away in a hot teenager the same age as my daughter” era, and somehow managed to isolate Alicent into the role of queen that she had never anticipated before

And the birth of aegon is so loaded with aemma’s ghost and the expectations for an heir but it’s also so scary and has so much implicated for her best friend’s birthright and she really is alone for it and she’s just a baby giving birth to a baby who is in incredible pain and is so isolated b my this role that was thrust upon her

Like you said, her birthing bed was never about her, but about the consequences and implications of her rape bearing fruit, and all anyone cares about is the baby, because as she herself demonstrates, any young pretty thing can be knocked up and called queen when the prior one’s usage expiresm

And then aegon is born and she thinks that maybe, just this once, something and someone is just for her, that her child will love her unconditionally and expect nothing from her and that maybe, despite the horrific origins, being a mother can bring some direction and purpose to her life. The baby will be hers, he will love his mother and give her something to live for and just maybe it’ll be a girl who she can raise up as she would’ve wanted to be raised

EXCEPT it’s a boy

The long awaited ‘heir’

and not even aegon is really hers, because the second he’s born Otto is scheming around him and viserys is haunted even further by the fact that he killed aemma for the chance at this thing that he now has and he realizes it’s meaningless and all of alicent’s suffering for this child was for nothing

I think this plays into the way she is so hard on aegon too, she loves him of course she does, but there is that lingering resentment that aegon was the first to tear her apart and he is a physical manifestation of what viserys and Otto did to her, and he’s such a mess on top of it, it must feel like she did all this for crumbs

And she really should’ve known it would be like this, not even the perils of the birthing bed were about her, why did she expect anything different when the child was actually here, it just drives her deeper into this cold isolated place where her religion and her sacrifice are the only meanings she really has

AND YOURE RIGHT Alicent has a lot of flaws, don’t get me wrong, but so does rhaenyra! And they’re both exposed to this ruthless world where their only bargaining chips and currency are their bodies, wher e power is inherently hinged upon the men in their lives granting them a crumb of respect or autonomy, i think they parallel each other beautifully in that they made the best they could of their circumstances in the only way they could, and that different approach in a system set against them is what inevitably brings them as such interesting counters to each other

(And that’s not even touching on the homoerotic way Milly/Emma and Emily/Olivia played them!!!!)

Anyway never apologize i love hearing your analysis pls send more