God I can't fuckin catch a break my adhd keeps pelting me with so many things to be obsessive about and my autism makes sure that if I don't interact with them I'm gonna feel like my chest is being torn out and I'm dying slowly but my adhd doesn't let me actually choose one to interact with cause it keeps bringing up the others but my autism is panicking about that because I need to have a Thing to do

I just want to like. Read, write or draw in peace. Is that too much to ask for. Five minutes

I missed having a hyperfixation when I didn't for a month or so but I forgot how extreme my brain gets about them ig they're called hyper for a reason

Honestly if someone tells you their support needs level and your response is 'No you're wrong'....

One reason my posts probably don't get any attention: I'm not concise. I always write way too much without meaning to. I doubt that's the only reason my posts get very little attention, but it's probably part of it. I mean, some of my posts have 3-4 paragraphs! I know I tend to write too much, but I can't really help it. I'm super bad with being concise. You know, maybe that's why I struggle with paraphrasing in school.

i was chattin w my psychiatrist and idk why but i get the feeling she's really gunning for me to be schizophrenic, like im familiar with a lot of the surface level diagnostic questions for most mental illnesses so i get that she's just kinda going over cursory stuff but like a couple of times it switched back to the schizo affective stuff and idk i dont think my spiritual beliefs should warrant me A Look(TM) and notes during that section

i fucked my knee up while sleeping lol. this does happen sometimes. i dislocated my knee in high school and it's kind of fucked me up ever since, it's thrown my back out too i get sciatica shit with it. sometimes i can feel the tendon/ligaments move and it's painful, and sometimes my whole knee joint just hurts, sometimes it's both.

i've dislocated my knee, my pinky finger, and my thumb, which i think is statistically higher than the average person to experience a dislocation of a joint. i nearly got my shoulder once too loool it was so close. i've always kind of felt like my joints were a little loose, but being on hrt i feel like they're just ever so slightly looser. i've done hypermobile tests on myself and i don't meet the threshold to be hypermobile, though about a decade ago a personal trainer friend of mine did say he thought i had EDS or was hypermobile or something because i was way more flexible than the average person.

besties it's fucking wild going from the perception of healthy young strong 6'1 fucking white man to a potentially disabled trans woman. my body is physically less abled than others it's wild. i can't stand for more than an hour without having to stretch because of pain.

sometimes i just want to show my face and my life to prove to others that they're not the only ones, but at the same time, it feels weird and narcissistic to be another face on the internet and my social phobia will not allow me to open up to strangers. no, i don't think ppl are narcissistic for filming themselves, but i fear i will be perceived in that way because who the hell am i to exist in front of so many others?

Becoming a sexy tumbly man

I created my account a while ago but listen NEW THINGS ARE SCARY I've done a handful of quizzes tho, and a lot of them told me you funni little freaks would like me so here I am (being called a "sexy tumblr man" by a quiz somehow is greatly offensive but also an incredible compliment, so I shall accept that crown) I have yet to understand this platform though, so if I do not pass the vibe check, I apologize (my knowledge of Tumblr mainly comes from Karina, a Drawfee member) Anyway, I'm sitting in my tiny, self made cave called my streaming room right now and attempt to be a being deserving of existing, so I shall end it here.

"i think today's a listening to remix 7 on loop kinda day" -me, 2023

AITA for not having time to read my mutual's writing?

Met a mutual on here, bonded through fanfic, have been tight with them for a few years with pretty much no bumps in the relationship, just overall had a really good time hanging around them when I could. We both write a lot and share our writing, and occasionally we talk about that writing/workshop it in passing.

In the past few years I've gone through a ton of life changes. Most notably I went from a multi-person household to a single-person one, and I've been living alone in a prohibitively costly city for a while now working 40 hour weeks and barely scraping by. As soon as the transition started I spent the last of my free income on a shitty little laptop so I could still write, putting down words on my bus/train commutes in the morning and quite literally writing on my breaks at work because I feel insane when I can't create. I bring this up to really stress that I don't have the time for the hobby, I force myself to make the time and even then it never feels like enough.

The only thing I can really stand to do with my 3 hours of free time at night is hang out with my moots online. I'm an extrovert so being around people recharges me. If I don't have designated social time I get super depressed and can pretty much feel my soul withering away. I also feel like I should probably mention that I kinda have a slew of mental issues, personality disorders and PTSD and AuDHD and the works. Point being, shit is rough my dude, but I am a person who likes to work hard and face challenges head on and even though we strugglin, we doing it with a positive outlook.

But! I am an incredibly solution-oriented person and I have found what I personally believe to be a good balance. No one should have to live like this, but I do, and I have found a way to be happy. My writing and my social time is all load-bearing. It is not something I just choose to do on a whim, it's all planned and scheduled and I adhere to those routines very strictly because, I cannot stress this enough, I will go fucking bonkers if I don't.

I'm mutuals with a lot of writers obv, and I sadly don't have time to read their work anymore, unless I get some extra time on my days off or something gets cancelled or like, I end up taking a vacation. I carry a great amount of guilt for this, though, even though I logically know it's reasonable. I try to support them where I can, cheer them on when I see them writing and tell them how cool their ideas sound, hype them up even when I can't actually read & review.

One of the things I do is sometimes I leave a kudos on fic I haven't read. I'm not trying to be ingenuine, and if they asked me I'd tell them like 'Oh I didn't read it yet, just wanted to show support!' but to me it's kinda like ripping a paper tab off a poster so that other's feel inclined to do the same. Plus my pals get a little email and a hit of serotonin.

Except one of my acquaintances, the one I mentioned at the start here, saw that I left kudos on a couple pieces another mutual of mine wrote this year. They more or less blew up my DMs with a ton of accusatory (like, literally presented like a 'GOTCHA!') stuff about how I was selective in who's fic I read, more or less implying that I secretly held some sort of grudge or negative feeling toward them and was making the conscious decision not to read or interact with their writing because of. Something, I don't actually know what they were trying to say. They also told me they vented to their friends about this MULTIPLE times, but they never once approached me to let me know they were feeling paranoid or neglected, they literally just took the most bad faith reading of it possible and then presented that to me like it was something I intentionally did, while the whole time I was unaware.

I tried to explain to them the kudos thing, that I didn't do it to every story, just ones I caught/noticed in my busy schedule. And I laid all this out and asked, multiple times, what free time am I supposed to read with? They didn't answer, and doubled down, kept trying to show me 'proof' that I was shorting them and no one else. Once they started to realize how wrong they were they backed down, but they didn't really apologize, or admit they were wrong, and they tried to end our relationship and left every single server we were in together. Because of some other unrelated stuff going on in my life, I didn't really consider them to be a close friend, but they were someone I really held dear and would've walked through hell for if they'd asked.

I still feel like there is something I'm missing here, and that's why I wanted to ask if I'm TA. I'm a pretty good communicator but one of the things I told myself when talking down my disordered thoughts (guilt about this prior) was "no one in their right mind would use reading fanfic as a metric for friendship." Now that I've had that exact thing happen, I'm starting to think maybe those thoughts weren't so disordered. Maybe this IS a big deal, and I should think about it more, but I don't even know what the solution to that would be. I just. Don't have time to read something lovingly crafted and appreciate it for what it is. All the hours in my week are used up, I'd have to lose sleep for this and with my mental health the way it is that is not an option.

Feel free to be a brutal, my skin is thick. Thanks!

What are these acronyms?

Any chance you could do Lando x AUDHD (Autism&ADHD) reader?? Either just him or poly with Oscar, maybe Oscar try a keep them both in line??

The Responsible One

Landoscar x Reader

Summary: Oscar reflects back on the chaotic duo he has for partners

Warnings: none :)

Notes: Lando is ADHD coded... change my mind, I dare you. Also, a life update for you all! I know things have slowed down, but I am still writing! I've been working my ass off and getting ready to start my masters program, so life has been insane. Thank you all for the continued support! ❤️

Masterlist

It certainly wasn't anything new to Oscar, having to manage both Lando and their girlfriend. The chaos they bring with every footstep is insane, but he loves them both dearly.

One time, he found them deep in a conversation about the difference between chocolate and vanilla. Sometimes, he gets absoloute silence only to be interrupted by Lando's strange thoughts that he just needs to say.

Don't get him started on taking them anywhere out to eat. He hates anything to do with it because both of them have differening food sensory issues. It's a pain to get them to agree on anything.

His favorite moments are when both of them are incredibly clingy. It's like being suffocated with hugs, kisses, and cuddles. It's an amazing way to die if you ask him.

He once had to run around looking for them because neither was getting back to him. Turns out they were asleep on the floor together. Blankets tangled with their limbs. Rain sounds playing from somebody's phone. They looked so cute and peaceful, and Oscar does love to sleep. So the Australian joined them in their huddle on the floor.

Speaking of the floor: why are they both obsessed with it? He can't tell you exactly why, but they both love it. Floor time is an essential part of their day that Oscar has adapted to. When Kim started finding him on the floor, he laughed and said, "Oscar! They got you, too!" Apparently, Max also likes the floor because of them. Then Charles started because of Max. The domino effect her supposes.

The one thing he spends most of his time trying to figure out is volume. Specifically why Lando can be quite on second and not the next. It's a jump from word to word sometimes. Whereas the female is so random, he can't predict it. He wouldn't mind it, except for when they set each other off, and then she gets overstimulated. Lando feels so bad that he has to apologize at the end of every sentence for the rest of the day.

He spends many hours trying to soothe both of them. He knows, however, that's at the end, he will be treated to comfort food and a movie. Not because he needs it neccecarily, but because the other two do, and he gets to reap the benefits.

Humor and jokes with the two are his favorite. One of them is blunt, and she loves to tell people like it is. She has no filter really and is a deadpan like Oscar himself. The other can't lie to save his life but tries. He lacks a filter in such a strange way that really Oscar never knows what he's going to say. Oscar is constantly having to hold in his laughs.

They both talk his ear off about random information about the things they love, but he could listen to them all day. They get overstimulated and need breaks. But he's happy to provide a safe space. They cuddle and hug and cling to each other, but he basks in it.

They love him unconditionally, including him. They make him feel wanted.

And it doesn't matter him to him how many people ask him why, or how many tell him they are too chaotic. He could care less. He loves them because they are the definition of distraction walking around as humans.

They are his chaos. He doesn't mind being the responsible one if he gets to keep laying on the floor listening to their ramblings.

And what can he say? It's fun to watch them be brutally honest with people.

there's this AuDHD person on instagram who gets a lot of hate from people saying they're faking their autism.

one of the reasons these people brought up is that they wear noise cancelling headphones in their own apartment, when real autistic people would only wear them outside.

i mean, this is already so obviously bullshit because people of every neurotype already wear noise cancelling headphones at home. plus, the commenters don't actually know that this person also isn't wearing them in public. they just think they're "too sensitive" for needing them in their own house.

but as a vision impaired autist, there's an extra layer for me.

i exclusively wear my noise cancelling headphones inside my house. i do not wear them in public, no matter how loud it is.

you wanna know why?

it does not feel safe.

noise cancelling headphones cancel out much of the sound that i need to hear when i go out in public to be able to tell where a car or a person is coming from or how far away they are from me.

the only place i would even remotely feel safe wearing noise cancelling headphones outside is in the small village i grew up. but even there i get so paranoid about cars because i'm traumatised.

i fucking wish i could drown out the noise while still being able to rely on my hearing but i can't.

it's either safety and potential sensory overload or sensory comfort and potential danger.

both decisions are valid but i choose safety.

so that pretty much does leave me only wearing my noise cancelling headphones in my own house. but it helps. i don't even live in the loudest area and i have really quiet neighbours but after a long day in public or at a family gathering or something and not being able to drown out anything, the smallest thing at home could send me into a meltdown.

do these people really need us to go outside with noise cancelling headphones even though it might be unsafe just to prove we're real autists?

bitch, i already get so disoriented when it's windy because all the sounds suddenly sound weird. i'm not doing that, lmao.

I can understand how Shuro may be a frustrating character to some folks - in fact that is kinda what he is there for, narratively speaking. But it really gives me ick when people just wanna shit on him for "being awful/the worst/an asshole"

The way I see it, the dude is his own different flavor of Autism- repressed, conditioned, awkward, and forced to participate in high society, not to mention the culture clash - and he sees laios just being his own weirdo self and he hates it --- no, thats not it. I honestly don't think he hates laios; i truly believe he hates that Laios gets to be TRUE to himself, and he (shuro) Doesn't get to be.

And it's a feeling I can understand and sympathize and empathize with, as I have been on my own personal journey to try and un-mask and deconstruct and heal myself in a world that has made me feel broken my entire life

People scream "hypocrisy" as shuro sees the same traits between the touden siblings, and is attracted to one whilst hating the other - and yes, I can agree that it's a bit hypocritical, but yall are taking it at face value and not understanding where his feelings are coming from. Shuro doesn't hate laios because he has a special interest, shuro hates that his whole life, he has had to squash himself into a form-fitting box, behave as his family commands, and now he sees laios being free of expectation, just out here being a weirdo, and shuro is possibly feeling that frustrated grief that comes with the late diagnosed autistic situation of "I could have been happy, too, but no, *I* had to be the responsible one"

... at least, that's how I view it. Coz I myself have had those thoughts. And I know, it's NOT a good look for me to be out here admitting that I have felt this way, like for example, maybe I see someone else's struggle with anxiety, whether it's online or in real life, and I have this bitter thought to myself of "yeah, I have anxiety too, but *I* was still forced to be a responsible adult anyway" which makes me momentarily frustrated.

And before anyone jumps my ass about it, NO, I definitely DO NOT think that "if I had to suffer thru it, so should everyone else" that's NOT what I'm saying. But I AM saying that, there is a bitterness, when u see someone who is able to avoid a struggle that you had to endure - that bitterness is NOT thinking that everyone should suffer as I did, but me being bitter that *I had to* at all.

Does that make sense? Coz I really feel like Shuro just gets shit on because people think he's there to interrupt the Yuri and be mean to Laois, and I really feel that he's a whole ass person. And a somewhat melancholic one, at that. He makes me think of how I had to grow up Christian whilst being queer and undiagnosed Audhd my entire life, and I would be very very surprised to hear that a large chunk of dunmeshi fans didn't ALSO grow up this way, feeling broken and stupid and tired, forced to do things the "normal people" way, and then NOT understand how Shuro feels when he sees someone who is in a position to be mostly free of that...

dude everyone knew i was Different as a kid. did they know it was auDHD and shit? no, but they knew i was Different.

i sat alone at lunch and didn't mind until someone else pointed it out. i missed pieces and parts of conversations bc no one was particularly interested in my participation and i just couldn't seem to keep on track. i joined and dropped groups like hot potato bc they didn't fit, i didn't fit, no one else seemed to want me to fit.

i made three or four Friends. they were My Friends. invited them to every celebration and hang out and went to their houses and they came over occasionally. bc they were My Friends.

but i was just their friend. they had other friends, they didn't have any Friends, only friends, and none of their friends particularly liked me.

i became the Last Resort. nothing else happening in town? well at least i was always down to hang. my parents were nice (to them) and i'd almost never turn them down, cause i was attention starved and desperate for positive human interaction and they were My Friends even if i wasn't theirs.

but they moved away, or summer came, or they found different interests, or, or, or, and suddenly My Friends..... weren't, anymore.

and so i was Friendless.

i mean, ofc i had friends. or, well, acquaintances. people i saw and talked to every day, who would probably call me "friend", who i didn't feel any particular way about. but i had no Friends, i was Friend-less and lost.

my once-Friends had spread out amongst different cliques and groups, so i would find myself with the Cool Kids in lunch one day or the Bad Boys in study hall or the Funny Ones in history or....

but i never really fit anywhere, i changed myself day-to-day hour-by-hour minute-by-minute i shifted depending on the people around me bc if i could just get them to like me then Maybe i'd get my Friends back

it didn't work, ofc. i ended up moving away, we didn't keep in touch.

and at them time it was Fine, i was Fine. Problem, What Problem? There Is No Problem Here What Do You Mean.

but now here i am, still struggling, bc i want Friends and most people don't seem to understand the concept of Friends, or they do, and i'm not it.

so yeah, i didn't always know i was autistic, or that i have ADHD, but i always knew i was Different. bc everyone around me knew, and made it very clear.

Poly Sam and colby x reader headcannons bc I love these guys and I think they'd be cute boyfriends @oli-ivia helped me with some of these.

Colby is a human furnace and Sam is always freezing so they share hoodies all the time especially you and Sam stealing colbys

Sam cant sleep without both of u there so he likes to sleep/cuddle in the middle of you and colby- this makes it difficult when they go filming without you and Sam struggles to sleep so colby ends up facetiming you

When you have a headache they are very sweet and colby puts you in his hoodie with big hood so you can hide away- they turn off all the lights and talk really softly- colby lays you on his chest and gives you head massages and back rubs

Sam plays with colbys hair which makes him very sleepy and he he leans into the touch

^ colby is a workaholic even when sick so Sam uses this technique to get colby to stop working and actually rest

^when Sam gets sick, it really hits him bad so he tries not to kiss you guys when you're sick but colby always looks so sad he can't resist

^ Sam's just so sleepy the whole time he's sick and you just spend the day in bed with him because he's too tired to argue that you'll get sick too

This one's a bit longer but my current favourite thing on earth are jellyfish (its the audhd okay) so that's what inspired this

They're filming a TFIL video with you as a guest and they've 'broken in to an aquarium overnight' so you could see jellyfish and other ocean stuff undisturbed- sam and colby wanted you to be safe so they've actually booked the aquarium overnight but not told the fans because that would make the video a bit boring

^when you get in you immediately grab Sam's hand and run to find the jellyfish (or your favourite animal there) and just sit in front of the tank and watch- Sam pulls you into his lap

^After a little time Corey or someone is like: "dude- we gotta do smth so the fans have an interesting vid to watch"- Colby: "just let her sit- we can do stuff without her- she's enjoying it" cut to you happy Stimming sat in Sam's lap by the tanks

^they take turns sitting with you because A. Sam needs to be in the vid a bit and B. Colby was getting jealous that Sam was getting to spend all that time with you (listen he just wants to hug his partner alright- he can't resist how adorable you look in Sam's lap so happy)

^when they decide Sam should be in the video more but he wants to stay with you they give him the other camera so he can film you and him (you give lots of facts about the animal you're watching- its jellyfish for me) so the video ends up being 'colby and the others running round like idiots doing stupid impressions of the fish cut with cute clips of you in Sam's lap stimming and smiling and telling facts'

I could say lots more about that scenario but I don't want to talk too much on one thing so I might write smth separate abt it if u want so now on to more general ideas again

Such sweethearts when you're upset- they'll give you space if you want or they'll sit with you and talk about it- if you're okay with touch they'll pull you in for a hug and rub your back to calm you- colbys an anxious man as we know so he knows good breathing exercises for you

You guys find a stray cat and take it in- you call it smth stupid like 'cat'- cat likes you the most which will always slightly annoy the boys

When colby gets drunk, specifically wine drunk, he loudly sings along to cheesy love songs to you and Sam

Why I fucking hate summer (as an AuDHD trans person):

It's kind of dangerous. In my country, and also due to climate change, summer temperatures often reach the 40s in C and that can become harmful quickly. Along with that, because I'm ND, I forget to drink water and don't really thirst so I'm more susceptible to heat stroke.

Sensory issues. Holy shit words can't describe how hellish it is to be in such hot weather and sweating but not being able to get out. It basically just lowers my ability to function in every day life because of the extra burden of constantly feeling awful because of it.

Dysphoria. Since it's summer and wearing many clothes would be a risk, I have to wear more feminine clothing (I'm closeted). That is absolutely awful.

This is more generic but, I have literally nothing to do. The majority of the day I can't go outside because of the heat and sun, so I just stay inside and get bored. Even school is better than that. It may be tough, but at least I do something you know? If you're trans/neurodivergent/both feel free to add why you like/dislike summer.

Guide: Inspiration, Motivation, and Passion

Anonymous asked: I have time to write and TONS of ideas in my notes. I want them to eventually be final drafts... but in this moment I just don't care about them. Does that make sense? I wish I did, but I'm disconnected. Is normal? Do all writers/authors struggle to connect with and feel passion for their stories/characters, but they write anyway and it comes eventually? Or do they not write unless those feelings are in place already? Forget making readers care about my protagonist. How do I care about them? Could my chance to write already be over? Also Audhd btw :) Thank you for all your advice ❤️

(Ask edited for length)

Inspiration, motivation, and passion are all things that can wax and wane for writers, but they do have to be there in some combination at some point if you want to write. If you consistently lack any of them, there's definitely something going on that's worth addressing. So, let's look at each component individually to get a better idea of what they are and how they ultimately work together to help you write.

Inspiration is the collection of sparks that ignite story. In other words: ideas. All those ideas you have in your notes--you wrote them down because they excited you when they popped into your head. Something about those ideas intrigued you enough to write them down and want to explore them later. And the thing that makes you want to explore them later is almost always a question... some sort of "what if" that you need to answer for yourself.

Motivation is the "why" that makes you want to take those ideas and turn them into stories. It's the answers to the following questions: why I write, why I want to answer this question for myself, why I want to tell this story, why I want to explore these themes, why I think this character's story is worth telling, why I want to say the thing I'm trying to say with this story.

Passion is the fire that drives us through the process of turning the ideas into a finished story. It's love for the characters, world, and plot. It's love for all the things motivating you to tell this story. It's love for words and imagery and process. It's love for the act of writing and for being a writer.

Again, all of the above need to be present in some form and combination at some point in order for you to actually complete a story, but these things can all wax and wane during not just one story's writing process, but during different periods in your life. They can also exist on a spectrum that's different for each writer, each project, or different periods of time. BUT... if you never have any inspiration, motivation, or passion for writing... or if you have inspiration initially, but lose interest and have no motivation or passion, writing is going to be really difficult.

Lack of Inspiration - Inspiration is the lifeblood of writing. If you don't have ideas, you can't write. Ideas come from experiencing the world around us. As we live life, observe our fellow humans, learn about history and the universe, and speculate about the unknown, ideas start to occur to us. Whereas a non-writer might think, "That documentary about the future of space travel was neat," a writer might think, "I'm intrigued by the idea of generation ships. I wonder what would happen if a generation ship landed on the wrong planet?" That question is what gets you to the next level... the "why" that motivates you to take this further than a mere moment of curiosity. So, if you're lacking that, there's a very good chance it's because you're not absorbing enough from the world around you. Perhaps your experiences aren't varied enough, you're not observing your fellow humans, and aren't learning about history or the universe, or speculating about the unknown. In which case, my post: Guide: Filling Your Creative Well can help you get into that mode.

Lack of Motivation - Motivation in particular can come and go as you work on a story, but it has to be there at the beginning or you never get started. The answer to "why I want to write" is especially important, because one thing that happens sometimes is people try to get into writing for the wrong reasons. They don't get into it because they have ideas for stories they want to tell, and themes they want to explore, and things they want to say. They get into it because it sounds like fun, because "everyone's doing it," or because it's unique, noteworthy, and--they think--a path to notoriety and/or wealth. But without the need to tell stories, those things aren't enough to make those ideas come or transform them into something more than an idea. But something else that can ruin motivation, and often does for those who do want to tell stories: physical and mental well being. If you don't feel good physically or mentally... if you're busy, tired, distracted, depressed, low on energy, in a bad mood, dealing with chronic pain, under the weather, etc., those things can definitely zap your motivation, even if you really want to tell stories. See these posts for help on that: Writing with Chronic Illness, Writing and Depression.

Lack of Passion - Our fiery love for the characters, setting, story, themes, tropes, questions, etc... that's the thing that most commonly wanes (and sometimes disappears) for writers during the writing process. If it's not there at the beginning, though... if you never feel a fiery love for your characters and their stories... you haven't hit upon the right ideas yet, and you need to keep looking until you find something that really sings to you. But if that passion is there at the beginning and disappears, there can be a number of reasons for that. Physical and mental well being, definitely. Exhaustion, boredom, and any of the things we refer to as "writer's block." These posts can help with finding the problem and reigniting the passion: 5 Reasons You Lost Interest in Your WIP, Plus Fixes, Guide: How to Rekindle Your Motivation to Write, Getting Excited About Your Story Again, Getting Unstuck: Motivation Beyond Mood Boards & Playlists

I hope something here will work for you and help you move forward. But just remember: It’s Never Too Late to Become a Writer. If you're just not feeling it right now, that doesn't mean you won't in a month, in a year, in five years. There are famous, well-celebrated authors who didn't start writing until they were beyond their 50s or 60s. So, don't stress about it if it seems like writing just isn't for you right now. Maybe you'll come back around to it eventually, or maybe you'll decide that you're more of a story consumer than a story creator, which is okay, too. ♥

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I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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