#I need to know easily when things are anyway sh
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you can kiss a hundred boys in bars
synopsis: good luck, babe! - inspired fic (essentially sana left 6 years ago and you still can't stop thinking about her even though you're married to another man)
warnings: cheating, internalised homophobia, not chronological, implied sex, cursing
w/c: 6.4k
a/n: hi 😀 this one may not hit as many of the audiences but it was interesting to write. i zon't think i like it toooo much for how much time i spent on it (edit: the moots have made my day i do like this one a lot actually) but just one of those things i needed to get out before i was able to move on to the next thing :P weeeEEEEHHEEEE i love angst!!!!!!!
ok this one's going to be a bit different guys pls READ THIS or you'll be like what the fuck. purple text is the present. ty enjoy, that was it LOL.
▂▂⌇
you wake up with a migraine. it came not long after you married frank and it’s stayed ever since. you sit up on the bed, careful not to make too much movement or sound to wake your husband next to you. although that was pretty unlikely anyway considering how he slept.
you sigh lightly, holding your head in your hands trying to mitigate the damage.
your head starts drifting off, as it did on most nights these days. it seemed the only thing that ever worked to stop the pounding in your head was thinking about her.
▂▂⌇
funnily enough, sana was actually the reason you and frank had met.
it had happened when the both of you were at a bar after class celebrating the end of exams. sana being sana had made a whole group of friends 10 minutes upon entering the establishment. you were sitting back watching her challenge someone to down the most shots in one minute. you would have stopped her on another day but after the hell week she's been through with her finals, you figured she deserved it. and you'd be there to take her home afterwards anyway.
she's whooping and jumping around, turning back to you with a grin when she wins. the poor loser skulking away back to his friends.
frank goes up to her then. introducing himself with that kind voice of his, just making sure she had someone to go home with and look after her.
and sana adored the attention. she's flirting with that charm of hers that no one could resist. but strangely enough, frank resisted. he was a gentleman, not wanting to pursue anything while sana was intoxicated, instead, he asked who could look after her, and sana points to you.
▂▂⌇
you're not getting back to sleep. instead you silently step out of bed, grabbing your phone and the hidden pack of cigarettes you kept in the second drawer of your bedside cupboard.
you step outside onto the balcony, breathing in the cool night air, shivering a little as you wrap the blanket you left on the balcony chair around you.
you click the lighter on, the small flame illuminating the darkness of the night, the only other light source aside from the moon. you're thinking if sana's somewhere she can see the moon right now while you put the lighter to the end of your cigarette. is it night for her? was she asleep? did she ever think about you?
you bring the stick to your mouth, inhaling, feeling the roughness of the nicotine hit your lungs, and exhaling softly, watching the wisps of smoke dissolve into the night sky.
sana hated when you smoked. frank didn't like it too much either, but he was never able to stop you.
▂▂⌇
"do you have to do that here?" sana's frowning when you release a puff of smoke into the air.
"sorry. stressed." you mumble in response, cig still stuck between your lips.
"you know i can help with that. just not when you taste like an ashtray." sana's still staring at the cancer stick you're sucking on with contempt, she never hated anything but if you had to place your money on something it'd be your bad habit.
you're smiling sheepishly, taking the cigarette out of your mouth and smooshing the end until it's not burning anymore.
the frown on her face is gone immediately, she's charmed you listen to her so easily. and she sticks to her word, stepping closer and leaning in.
your lips meet lazily, she's got a hand on your cheek, the other at your waist. you're wrapping your arms around her hips, holding her against you as your lips slot against each other.
sana was an attractive woman. there was no doubt about that. the two of you had met during high school. she had caught you sneaking off for a smoke during P.E. and had somehow convinced you to go and get your nails done with her instead. ever since then you two had been inseperable.
it was after you broke up with your first boyfriend in college that you started sleeping together. you remember he had decided to call it off because he was going all mormon and was ashamed of having had sex already, calling you a 'sex-addicted whore who was sent by the devil to tempt him into the flames of hell'. sana despised that he made you feel unwanted, and even more that he blamed you for the break up. she needed you to know just how valued you were, just how wanted you were, and in her drunk dazed mind that meant worshipping you until you came crying under her. and in your drunk dazed, heartbroken, self-pitying mind, you let her.
when it happened again, and again, and again, and then not under any alcoholic influence, the both of you decided to continue seeking each other out for sexual relief whenever you were stressed, or in any sort of mood that called for sex. you stopped every time one of you started a new relationship, but you always found your way back into each other's arms eventually.
▂▂⌇
you curse lightly when you reach the end of your cigarette.
picking out another one, you’re repeating your actions, lighting it up, bringing it between your lips, inhaling, feeling it fill your lungs, and then pushing it back out.
there hasn’t been a single day that’s gone by where you hadn’t thought about sana. frank didn’t get it at first. he asked you why you couldn’t just call her, you two were the best of friends, surely it wouldn’t be that difficult to reconnect?
he didn’t know you slept with sana on the night of you and frank’s wedding. doesn’t know the countless times you’ve slept with her before that. doesn’t know sana woke up earlier than you the next day, disappearing into the early morning, no note, no text, nothing. you were too ashamed to try and contact her for weeks after that, it wasn’t until you came back from your honeymoon that you realised you were knocking on an empty door when you tried to find her at her apartment. it was cleaned out, no furniture, no remnants of her, nothing to prove she even existed. you had called her over and over, tears of desperation spilling over, holding back choked sobs that only grew stronger with each voicemail message.
it wasn't until sana's old landlord holding a 'for lease' sign in his hand comes and kicks you out that you finally realise you'd lost her.
after that, your relationship with frank started to deteriorate. what did you expect though? was it sana's fault? if sana hadn't left would you have lived happily ever after, the three of you together?
it took a long time to realise the answer to that was no. you spent years blaming sana for leaving, and when you finally came to the terms that you were the one who drove her away, it was too much to bear.
▂▂⌇
"y/n!"
you smile at the sound of sana calling you in the corridor, turning to meet her hug as she crashes into you.
she starts talking your ear off and you nod along enthusiastically, but suddenly she stops, looks down to your hand, intertwined with someone else's.
"oh. who's this y/n?"
you look over at your newest boyfriend in surprise, almost forgetting he was holding your hand and standing next to you. you tended to forget a lot of things when sana was around.
"oh this is danny. we met at that bar i told you about last week remember?"
"hmm..." she's looking up at him in scrutiny, eyes squinted and eyebrows furrowed. you can feel danny's palms start to sweat under her gaze.
"one week huh? not bad, let's see how long you last, if you go longer than a month then i'll introduce myself to you." sana says then.
"sana!" you're hitting her lightly, flabbergasted at her insinuation.
"what? your last one was like 3 days. you just keep breaking these guys' hearts y/n." she places a hand over her heart dramatically.
danny's tightening his grip around your hand, speaking up, "excuse me, i don’t appreciate you wishing doom on our relationship even before its started. and i wouldn’t want to be introduced to a slut who’s never had a real relationship before anyway.”
sana’s speechless for a second but her face morphs into a scowl quickly after, “okay danny,” spitting out his name, “first rule of being a decent boyfriend? don’t talk shit about your girlfriend’s best friends. let’s see you last another hour after that comment.” she turns to you, raising an eyebrow, “you gonna let him off with that y/n?”
you’re stuck, and danny’s looking at you expectantly.
“sana… that comment was a little uncalled for y’know… you did kinda start this…”
danny’s smirking, looking smugly back towards sana.
“what?! are you serious right now y/n? y’know what? i don’t care. your life and whatever. see you later.” she’s stomping off, your heart sinking as you watch her.
“c’mon babe, forget her. let’s go get sushi.” danny doesn’t wait for a response before he’s pulling you in the other direction.
▂▂⌇
when you wake up again the next day, frank’s gone.
you stumble to your feet, clumsily making your way to the bathroom.
it’s almost late afternoon already. you’re lucky you didn’t have work today.
sana always used to scold you if you woke up past noon. she said you'd waste the whole day sleeping when you could have been spending it with her.
these days the second option wasn't exactly viable.
you cringe a little when you catch sight of yourself in the mirror. unkempt hair, dark circles under your eyes, visible signs of ageing. you'd bet sana still looked as radiant as she was all those years ago.
your phone starts buzzing when you turn on your electric toothbrush. it couldn't be anyone else other than frank. you didn't really talk to anyone else anyway. after sana left, you became a social recluse, and a lot of your friends were technically sana's friends so without that mutual connection anymore, you drifted from them very quickly.
“hello?”
“hey y/n, is my white button-up back from the dry cleaners yet? i need it tonight for this work event.”
“… no you didn’t tell me to pick anything up.”
“what? i left a note for you on the fridge did you not see it?”
“i just woke up frank.”
“it’s 2pm.”
“yeah.”
you can hear him sigh over the phone, “alright it’s fine i’ll pick it up after work.” he hangs up abruptly after he says that.
no goodbye, no i love you, he doesn’t call you by any pet names anymore either, just y/n. well it’s not like you did any of those things for him so you suppose it’s fair. he did do a lot of those things when you were dating and early in your marriage but eventually, when you stopped responding and got more and more tired of being with him, he stopped trying as well. you can’t even remember the last time you were intimate together.
frank had suggested the both of you try out marriage counselling but you were strongly against the idea. you didn’t feel particularly excited about disclosing everything that went on with sana with frank let alone with a complete stranger. you remember that week you fought about it and you ran away and didn’t come back until a month later. frank only tried to call you once during that time.
▂▂⌇
you were standing in front of an apartment door in japan.
you weren’t really thinking when you stood at the front desk of the airport, demanding a ticket for the next flight to osaka with only a small backpack and some essentials you were able to grab after your fight with frank.
it wasn’t until you were physically in the plane that you realised you didn’t actually know anyone but sana there. and you had made that unconscious decision because being with frank was simply too… nothing, and being with sana was… everything. it had been over 6 years since you had seen her last, when she left you that quiet night in may.
though it seems fate was on your side this time. sana’s cousin just happened to be working at the airport the night you arrived, when she recognised you, she was waving excitedly, ushering you over.
“y/n right? oh my goodness i haven’t seen you in so long! not since that time sana brought you here 7 years ago right?” her accent is a little thick but you’re grateful she can speak korean regardless, you could only understand very basic japanese picked up from sana.
you’re nervously rubbing the back of your neck, “ahaha yeah… do you actually happen to have sana’s address?”
she frowns a little, “she didn’t give it to you when she found out you were coming?”
it seems like sana hasn’t told many people about your relationship with her either.
“u-um ahaha no she must have forgotten. you know how she gets… too excited she forgets the important little details.”
the cousin laughs a little in response, agreeing and quickly typing in sana’s address on your phone. internally you’re thanking all the gods and deities you know of for this stroke of luck or you’d really be stranded in osaka with no knowledge of the language and nowhere to stay.
“i have to get back to work but say hi to sana for me! we haven’t seen her much since she came back a few years ago, she’s been really busy with work i think.”
you nod, heart pounding at the tidbits of information you’re getting about sana. anything to fill in the 6 year gap you’ve been apart.
you wave goodbye, thanking her again and then you’re hailing down a taxi and showing the driver the destination on your phone.
so now you’re standing in front of her apartment door, hands sweaty and nervous, just praying she wouldn’t kick you out or worse.
you’ve been standing here stupidly, deliberating when, how, if you should even knock. when there’s a slight commotion to your left, the sound of a bag of groceries dropping and a light gasp.
“y/n?”
it’s very cinematic when you turn, sana coming into view for the first time in so long is like finding water in a desert. you’re drinking her in hungrily, her darker hair, smile lines, perfect nose, she looks just as beautiful as you remember.
“sana…” you’re voice is hoarse with emotion.
she’s taking slow steps towards you after picking up her groceries. one… two…
“what are you doing here?”
“i-i- u-um i-“
“how did you get my address?”
“u-um i saw y-your cousin at the airport and she recognised me and i- i may have asked her for your address... i'm sorry! i would have called or like let you know but... y'know... i-i couldn't really do that..."
she considers you for a little bit, looking you up and down, her face stoic.
"...did you come here for something then?"
"i- um- well not really it was k-kinda an impulse decision. u-um frank and i fought and i just- i don't know i went to the airport and i found myself here i guess..."
you notice how her hand tightens at the mention of frank's name, the slight sound of the crinkling of her grocery bag.
"and what did you want me to do about that?" she's pushing past you now, taking out her keys and starting to unlock her door. you begin to panic, scrambling for words.
"i- sana please! i- i'm sorry! i'm sorry okay?"
the jingling of her keys stops, but she doesn't look back at you.
"what are you sorry for? i'm the one who left remember?" her voice is bitter and a little shaky, you realise she's not facing you because she's trying not to cry. you ache to hold her.
"i… i’m the reason you left though. right? it took me a long time to realise but i’m sorry i wasn’t able to be true to myself and i’m sorry you were a casualty to that. i missed you sana…." your voice is quiet, you feel your own tears welling up in your eyes.
“… what weren’t you true to yourself about?”
you take a big inhale, breath shaky when you let it back out. “that i love you.” your voice is tiny, you just confessed your love for the woman you’ve spent most of your life with, the woman that’s occupied your mind every second of every minute since she’s entered your life. the woman you were too scared to admit you loved, who waited for you to do exactly that only for you to enter a loveless marriage with someone else. you can only imagine the pain you’ve put her through. it would be nothing compared to the last 6 years without her. and the last 6 years without sana were undoubtedly the worst of your life.
sana’s sniffling now, unable to hold back her cries.
you inch forward and tentatively place a hand on her shoulder. when she doesn’t move it, you shift closer again to wrap your arms around her loosely.
suddenly sana’s turning and burrowing her face in your neck, you feel her wet tears stain your skin, but also your own start to run down your face. you're surrounded with sana sana sana, her smell, her sounds, the feel of her against you when you tighten your arms around her. you missed this so fucking much. you missed her. and for the first time in 6 years, you finally felt like you were home again.
▂▂⌇
after you've finished your morning routine, you lazily trudge into the kitchen, discarding the small note frank had told you about, and pouring yourself a bowl of cereal.
you sigh into the empty house. frank wanted kids of course, that's why you bought such a large house in the first place. he had dreamt of the whole white-picket fence family and you were excited to share that with him and sana. she had helped you design the place, decorate it when you first moved in, she was meant to move across the street and you were going to grow old together and watch as your kids played around and became the best of friends, just like the two of you were.
now though? you hated this house. it just felt so much more empty. you and frank had tried for kids, although that only really drove you further apart. sex just became more of a chore than something you enjoyed, and when people know you're trying to get pregnant? suddenly everyone has their 2 cents on what you should eat, what types of exercise you should do, the latest superfood that was meant to make you more fertile. everyone seemed to have more control over your own relationship, over your own body than you did.
eventually, the small amounts of love you and frank had for each other, fizzled out. and you decided you didn't want to raise a child in a loveless marriage, that wouldn't be fair to them. frank, even with his endless optimism and kind soul, agreed.
▂▂⌇
that night in japan, for the first time in six years since you saw sana, you were able to kiss her again, to feel her bare skin against yours, to taste her as she writhed and cried out your name above you.
you woke up before her the next day, sun sluggishly making its way past the horizon. you watched as her breaths came in and out, soft, her expression at peace, not clouded with anger or sadness at you. you traced the lines of her face, recollecting every single hair, every mole, every perfection and imperfection on her, so she'd always be with you in your memory.
she stirred after a while, blinking softly and you wait for her to come to, fingers tracing soft lines over her side.
you feel her freeze under you, breathing picking up, just barely noticeable but you were sharing the same airspace. her eyes meet yours for the first time that morning and you're committing the brown irises to memory now as well.
"you didn't leave." her voice is laced with morning fatigue.
you only hum in response, continuing to trace random shapes into her skin.
"why?"
you take a moment to think about your answer. years ago, you would've been terrified with the idea that someone would've found out about the two of you. that someone would know your dirty little secret. and that secret was that you were in love with your best friend. it was different for sana. sana was flamboyant, and proud, and happy. it wouldn't matter who sana liked because that didn't take away from her personality. she was still valuable as a person. you weren't like that though. you were always just sana's best friend or danny's girlfriend or frank's girlfriend or whoever else you dated at the time. the moment you deviated from that, a new label would be stuck on you, and people would pity sana, talk about how she could do so much better, how you were a witch who lured sana in. so you were selfish. you took from sana, and you never gave back. because sana was perfect in your mind, and she didn't need anything else.
"i'm sorry. there's a lot to be sorry for and a lot i need to make up to you. but at the core of it all, i love you sana. these six years without you have been hell. and i'm sorry it took that long for me to realise this, but i love you, not frank, not anyone else, just you."
you feel your eyes begin to tear up, heavy with emotions, sana's mirroring you, her bottom lip slightly quivering.
"what happened with frank?" her voice is a little shaky.
"we fought. i didn't want to deal with him anymore, my feet took me to the airport, and i ended up here."
sana sighs then, turning away from you and lying on her back. "so you're still together?"
"well... i- no but-"
"how is this time any different then y/n?"
"i- i- it's over, me and him. seeing you again has affirmed that for me. there hasn't been love between frank and i for a long time. i never loved him the way i love you. i'm ending things as soon as i get back. i promise sana. please- please believe me." you're scrambling a little, you couldn't afford to lose sana again. not after you had just gotten her back.
you can see tears running down the side of her face. you hate yourself for making her cry. that seems to be all you ever made her do.
"okay."
"okay?"
she turns to you again, wiping at her eyes, "okay. i really shouldn't but i love you too much and i've missed you too much to say no."
"really?" your perking up, disbelief clear.
"you keep asking me that and i'll change my mind." she teases, smiling for the first time.
you're overjoyed. rolling onto her and sweeping her up in a kiss, hoping your actions convey your feelings for her better than your words do. she's laughing into you and god have you missed that sound. you attack her sides immediately, almost desperate to hear it again, to make her feel something other than the sadness you've caused her. you make a promise to yourself in that moment, that you'd never, never make sana cry again.
it took you only a month to break that promise.
▂▂⌇
"hi, frank's wife right?"
you resist the very strong urge to roll your eyes, instead nodding politely and listening as the woman who approached you launches into a conversation about her husband and how he and frank got along at work and really you couldn't care less.
you were at the work event frank had mentioned in the morning. he did end up picking up his own dry cleaning and you saw him briefly at the event when you first showed up, only saying a quick hello and kissing your cheek before he was off again mingling and entertaining guests.
you had intended on just sticking to the bar and making use of the free-flow alcohol but now this woman was talking to you about her kids, and whatever else and you really just want to throw your drink in her face and yell at her about how to read a room.
you spot frank in the corner of your eye, surrounded by a group of women. you knew he had slept with other people ever since you stopped accepting his advances and affection. you're honestly surprised he hasn't asked for a divorce yet.
but frank was kinder than you. you were still his friend before you were his wife. he still cared about you and didn't want you to be left alone. you couldn't seem to convince him you were fine alone. you learnt to be fine when sana left. although lately, even he seemed to see you less as a friend and more and more, just as his wife.
▂▂⌇
"i still can't believe that time you thought danny was a good choice for you. and you defended him too!" sana was laughing, slapping your arm playfully.
you whine in response, "i told you i was sorry for that alright!!"
she's still laughing when frank comes back to the two of you, looking at you inquisitively and gesturing vaguely towards sana. you shrug, helping him set the food he had ordered for the three of you on the table.
"what's funny sana?" he asks, sliding into the booth with you and picking up a burger.
sana's waving a chip around now, pointing at you, "just talking about y/n's shitty taste in men."
frank fakes shock, looking at you with an exaggerated look of hurt, "me?"
you laugh, hitting him lightly, "not you dummy."
"yeah you're one of the good ones franky. probably the only good one out there."
"aww thanks sana."
sana grins, digging into her food.
you smile at the two of them. your two favourite people in the world. when you first met frank, you were skeptical of him. you were sure he was only trying to be friends with you to get with sana. so imagine your surprise when he had actually been plotting with sana behind your back to ask you out. you had said yes of course, he was a sweet guy, attractive too, and most importantly, sana liked him.
you ended up hitting it off, and the three of you were almost inseparable after that.
it wasn't until about 7 months into your relationship that sana started distancing herself. she would say she was busy, turn down more offers to go out, start hanging around a new group of people.
you heard from frank later that they had some sort of disagreement, which was why sana had started avoiding you. you were hurt by this though, because sana was still your friend. she was yours before you were frank's, and even when you were frank's you were still hers. didn't she know that? she had to.
you intended for her to know that when you cornered her, a late afternoon on a friday when the three of you used to go out for ice-cream as a reward for the week's end, but she had been staying behind to study or always had something else on instead.
"why are you avoiding me?"
sana's eyes are everywhere, her movements skittish as she tries to look for an escape before giving up and huffing. "i don't know what you're talking about."
"yes you do."
"no i don't."
"stop this sana. frank told me the two of you fought. if you don't want to be around him fine. that's your choice. but that doesn't mean you get to avoid me too."
she looks at you then, eyes fiery, "is that what he told you?"
you nod, "i don't understand sana. i don't care that you fought. i can seperate us and my relationship with frank. you're still my best friend."
"we fought because he told me he felt like i was stealing you from him."
"what?"
"yeah. he said he never got to spend any time with you. i was always there. he felt like he was the one who was third-wheeling our relationship."
the words third-wheel and our relationship swim around in your mind, "w-what? that's impossible!"
"is it really though y/n?" sana's voice is soft now.
"what do you mean?"
"i mean, is it really impossible for you to see us that way? frank obviously did, and he felt threatened by that."
"w-what- sana what are you talking about?"
she sighs a little in frustration, and then suddenly she's yanking you forward by the collar and planting her lips against yours. you react automatically, kissing her back, hands immediately going to her waist as you revel in the feeling of her soft lips against yours. it was always so different kissing sana compared to all the other guys you've been with. you chalked it up to the fact that sana took care of her skin, her lips, the way she smelled, all of that made kissing her that much sweeter.
but then you remember frank and you're pulling away, breaths heavier than they were mere seconds ago. "what the fuck sana?!" you're whipping your head around, looking to see if anyone had seen the two of you. it seemed to be clear.
sana's chuckling lowly, wiping at her lips, face downcast.
"what were you thinking?! i'm with frank! you set me up with frank!"
her eyes meet yours again, and you're taken back by the glassy look on her face. she's whispering, "i know. i know and i hate myself for it. i thought- i thought if- i thought i could get over this if i saw you happy with someone else. and then you were! and i just felt worse y/n. and then frank could tell and that was the last straw i guess. i needed to be away, away from you so i could get make these stupid feelings go away. i'm sorry y/n i'm so so sorry."
you're dumbfounded, staring at her blankly when she starts sobbing, hands coming to wipe at tears falling faster than she could catch them.
you don't understand what this means, what you felt, all you knew in that moment was sana was crying. the person you cared about most in the world was crying and you were the reason for it. so you do the one thing to make her stop. you tilt her chin up, heart breaking at the sniffles and the watery eyes, and you press your lips against hers again.
you end up where you've ended up so many times. legs entangled, sweaty bodies on sheets, heavy breathing, and minds lost.
▂▂⌇
you couldn't stand being inside anymore. it was suffocating.
you breathe out smoke as you exhale, the cigarette end still burning.
you watch as someone makes their way outside, shuffling around a little in their pockets and cursing when they realise they don't have a lighter.
the person looks towards you and you hold out yours. you help them light the end of their cigarette and nod when they mutter their thanks, inhaling the smoke into their lungs and standing awkwardly to the side.
it's a few minutes here in the cold, and you're almost finished your cigarette, about to throw it away when the stranger speaks up.
"do i know you from somewhere?"
you pause, looking back, you don't think you recognise this person. "you must have me confused for someone else, i'm sorry."
"wait... no you're sana's best friend right!?"
you drop the cigarette in your hand in shock. it had been a long time since someone had said that name out loud. she only ever lived in your head, it was hard to believe she was someone to other people too.
"right yes of course i remember now! i'm momo i was sana's roommate in college. although you probably don't remember i think we only really met like once. sana was always with you around campus and posted you a lot though so i remember you."
you vaguely recall the woman as she chatters away excitedly.
"right... momo... it's nice to meet you. i'm y/n."
momo grins, "have you spoken to sana lately? i don't think i saw you at the wedding, although i may have just been drunk." she chuckles a little at herself, not realising the way your face drops.
"wedding?"
momo looks at you a little in confusion, "yeah. last month? sana got married in sapporo."
your head is spinning with the new information. sana was married?
“woah you feeling okay?” momo’s reaching out for your shoulder, steadying you. you didn’t even realise you had lost your balance.
“i-i- yeah sorry.”
“you sure? are you here with anyone? anyone i can call?”
“no. it’s okay, thank you though.”
“yeah no problem.”
she’s shuffling back again, sucking on her cigarette.
“sana and i haven’t spoken in years. i was just a little surprised is all.” you speak up when you feel a little steadier on your feet.
“oh shit! i’m so sorry y/n i had no idea!”
“it’s okay, it seems no one really does.” you laugh a little bitterly.
momo doesn’t know how to respond to this, flicking her eyes between you and the door.
“it’s fine though. i’m happy for her.” the words taste vile on your tongue. is this what sana felt when she watched you walk down the aisle on your wedding day?
momo softens a little, “she is happy.” she offers you a kind smile, tapping out her cigarette and mumbling a quick thanks before heading back inside.
once you're sure she's gone you let yourself break down. sobs wrack your body as you hold your hands over your mouth trying to quiet them. you can barely see through the tears streaming out of your eyes. this was it. you'd finally lost her. you couldn't cling to the delusion that somewhere out there, some of her still belonged to you, some of her happiness, her memories, her love. you'd lost all of that now.
▂▂⌇
"what was that y/n?"
"what?"
"don't fuck with me right now. that was frank wasn't it? on the phone just then?"
you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose, "what do you want me to say sana?"
"that you're keeping your promise. that you're going to return to him, break up with him, and then you're going to come back here to me. and then we can finally start our lives together."
"it's not that easy sana."
she explodes, "what do you mean?! it is that easy y/n! you told me when you came here that you and frank were over. have been for years. and now you can't tell me that same thing?"
"i don't- no sana-"
"what? what y/n? what’s your excuse now? do you have to make sure your job is secure? after you've spent a whole fucking month here you expect me to think you still care about that? do you have a child with him? is that it? is he sick? what other possible excuse is there for 'it's not that easy sana'?!"
"you don't get it! you can't say that to me sana!"
"what?! what don't i get?! tell me y/n, let's sort this shit out right fucking now. tell me why you can't be with me."
"it's not- that's just the way i am sana! i can't-"
"you told me you loved me. was that a lie then?" her eyes are brimming with tears, anger evident and your heart breaks again. you promised, you promised her and you promised yourself that this wouldn't happen again.
you're quick to step in again, trying to stop her from crying the one way you know how, brushing her cheeks with your thumbs and kissing her.
she doesn't let you get away with it this time though. she rips away from you, placing a hand on your chest and pushing you back lightly, keeping you literally at arm's length.
"don't do that." she's chuckling, her laughs mixed in with quiet sobs, "don't think you can just kiss away your problems. that's not how real life works y/n."
"please sana, please just-"
"what? you want me to be okay being your secret again? you want to be able to go around in public with frank only to come home to me? you can't have both y/n! i'm not going to do that again for you!"
you’re both crying now, standing across from each other in sana’s apartment, a place that’s felt more like home to you in a month than your place with frank has felt for you in six years.
your voice comes out in a hoarse whisper when you speak up, “i can’t- i can’t feel like this sana.”
sana’s wiping at her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. then she’s turning on her heel and heading into the bedroom.
you follow her, you’d follow her anywhere, but your heart sinks when you realise she’s going around the room picking up your belongings and shoving them into your bag.
“w-wait s-sana, what- what are you doing? stop please-“
you’re almost begging, scrambling after her trying to pull her back but she’s stubborn, she’s able to fill the bag within a minute and then she’s pushing it into you, and out the door.
“please! sana please i can’t lose you again don’t do this please- you’re my best friend sana.”
she’s managed to successfully push you out the front door now, still crying. “but you’re not mine y/n. you were never my best friend. you were always the love of my life. and you can’t be that for me anymore. so leave. please. don’t try and find me again.”
“n-no sana please d-don’t-“
“you’d have to stop the world just to stop what you feel for me y/n. but you don’t realise that. and i’m sick of loving someone who can’t give me all of that love back.”
and then she’s slamming her door shut in your face, the both of you sobbing on opposite sides of the door, hearts shattered a second time, and later, when it happens a third time, it’s only the sound of yours breaking.
#sana#minatozaki sana#twice sana#sana x reader#twice sana x reader#sana x fem!reader#sana x f!reader#twice x reader#twice x fem!reader#twice x f!reader#twice imagines#sana imagines#royaltozaki
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can i request headcanons for the monster trio plus ace with a Fem!reader on her period?
Sure! Some of these are based off of personal experience of what my boyfriend does for me
Period headcanons (monster trio, plus ace)
Warnings: talk of blood (obv), slightly suggestive in ace's part.
Masterlist
Luffy
Man does not get it at first. Straight up thought you were dying.
But after some explanation from Robin, you, and Nami beating him, he finally gets it.
Still doesn't understand it in full but gets the most part
This man is now glued to you hip, even going as far as to deny playing games with usopp and chopper.
He kinda treats it like you are recovering from a injury
So obviously you need help with everything in his mind
Taking a bath? Now luffy has to sit in the bathroom and make sure you don't hurt yourself
Hungry? Omg so is he!
You wanna lay in bed all day? He's gonna cuddle you for most of it
Once he discovered the chocolate thing he made sure you had what kind you wanted.
In short luffy is the kind of boyfriend to constantly be beside you during your period if he can help it.
"Y/N can bleed for days and still be able to work! She's so cool right?!"
Sanji
Ngl man has been prepared for this day
He knows your cycle better than you do man
Like he is prepared with extra blankets
Red meats to help you recover the iron you loose
Mentally prepared for any mood swings you might have
And has stocked up on a stash of snacks just for you during this time
While he is the most attentive and loving during this he is also the absolute worst in the best way possible
He's just trying to be helpful and you know that
But he is also making you eat liver and kidneys because you need the protein and iron
Also the type to just straight up scream at anyone who bothers you during this
You are his baby. Gotta keep you safe and happy especially when you are aching
"Come on, sugar. Eat the kidneys it's good for you- LUFFY DONT YOU DARE EAT THAT"
"But she doesn't want it"
"Shut up stupid. Come on now honey eat the food I even have some chocolate chip cookies waiting after you finish this"
Zoro
Unbothered king
Straight up just doesn't care about bloody sheets or mood swings
He kinda thought you had a wound at first that you had hidden from him and freaked the fuck out
But after some explanation and him examining you just to be sure, he understood.
Makes you drink water the whole time
Does not care if you complain about being bloated. you are drinking those eight glasses a day
Naps with you during your sleepytimes
Will hold his hand on your stomach to apply pressure when you ask
But will also make jokes about you being his ketchup packet
Will go shopping for your tampons, pads, period cups. Doesn't know what any of them are so he asks Nami and robin for help
Comes back with something from every brand he could find and is now deeper in debt to Nami
Also straight up growled at someone when he could see they were annoying you???
He is now your social shield. Will tell someone where they can shove it if they don't fuck off and let you rest.
"607...608...609....610- oh. Nap time already? Alright alright I'm coming woman- did you just call me your cuddle bear? No I'm not blushing shut up"
Ace
Ahem. Ace? More like living heating pad.
More than happy to hold you the whole time
Nice and cozy against those warm man titties 🤌
Anyway. He is absolutely one of the best about things
Completely indifferent if you snap at him. Understands that you are just easily frustrated and also sympathizes with you cause he can't imagine feeling like he wasn't in control of his own emotions
Nap time? Great! He sleeps more than you.. actually he might have a iron deficiency now that I think about it
Warm hands on belly at all times
Will knead at your belly to help soothe out any cramps
None of these men care about blood. It's just the pirate way.
Has his red wings. You know what I mean ;)
"Here, lemme warm you up. Sh sh don't cry, you aren't bothering me at all baby"
#one piece headcanons#portgas ace x reader#portgas d ace#luffy headcanons#one piece luffy#luffy x reader#luffy x you#straw hat luffy#monster trio#one piece zoro#zoro headcanons#zoro x reader#zoro x y/n#one piece sanji#sanji headcanons#straw hat sanji#sanji x reader#black foot sanji#fluff#period mention#period cramps#period pain
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Soft Kisses
Mizu X Fem!Reader
CW: N/A
WC: 1.0k+
A/N: Hope y'all like a sh!t ton of fluff!
Blinking my eyes open, I found a rare sight before me. Mizu. Asleep. Peacefully. Usually she'd wake up from a nightmare or something would cause her to stir awake, preventing her from falling back asleep. In turn, it would wake me up, getting me an early start to the day. She'd always feel bad about waking me up earlier than I'd like to, but I didn't mind. Especially if she woke up from a nightmare. She went on for so long without getting comfort and whenever I offered it for the first time, she didn't understand it. She left and didn't come back until sundown. It worried me, but after each time I helped her calm down, she finally understood what comfort felt like. Unconditional love and comfort.
Finding her asleep put a smile on my face. I carefully reached over and brushed a few strands of hair away from her face. Her long, black hair that didn't always look black. There were some times it looked brown to where I questioned what color it was. Maybe it turned black in the summer and brown in the winter. Or vice versa. It was something of the sorts.
The brushing of my finger pad over her skin caused her to blink her eyes open. I smiled wider as I was met with those alluring blue eyes of hers. The one thing she hated about herself, but one of many things that made me love her.
"Morning, Mizu."
A small smile crept on her lips as she reached up, taking my hand, "Morning."
Oh that raspy morning voice. I can't tell if it was her natural morning voice or the one she uses to disguise herself. Either way, it sent a chill up my spine, causing the hairs at the back of my neck to stand up.
"Anything planned for today?"
"Unless Taigen comes unprompted again, no. Other than just spending another lovely day with you at my side."
"Oh, Mizu," I playfully pushed her.
She was never one to be flirty or romantic, not at the beginning, anyway. It was hard for her to show love, but she knew I understood it took her a while. Her past relationship wasn't the best on her, so when we started ours together, it was a long road of being cautious with her. She was cautious around me as well, but I had to know her triggers and what set her off. And they were very easy to know. But the one thing that didn't trigger her was whenever I complimented her eyes. At times, I'd find her standing there, confused on why I said that. She had to process that someone in this world actually enjoyed looking at her eyes. And didn't scrutinize her for them. Didn't call her names that weren't true. That someone was actually capable of loving that part of her that she despises.
"I'm being honest," she said.
"I know you are," I said and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
Some blush crawled over her cheeks as I did that. Another thing about Mizu: she's easily flustered. Especially when I show her any form of affection aside from holding her hand. And we weren't even out in public. If I were to kiss her cheek whenever we were strolling around a village, her red nose would turn even more red and her cheeks would turn a light pink. It was easily noticeable if you were looking right at her, but if you were just walking by, you'd think it was the cold getting to her. But it wouldn't be the excuse for the spring and summer. She'd blame it on allergies in the spring and the heat in the summer.
"Can we stay like this for a little longer?" Mizu asked.
"Of course, Mizu. You don't need to ask to stay with me."
"I-I just feel like I need to. In case you had something planned for today."
"Other than spending my day with you, I didn't have anything planned."
"Good," she mumbled, pulling me closer to her, burying her face in the crook of my neck.
I smiled and wrapped my arms around her, brushing at the long strands of hair. I rested my head on top of hers, holding her tightly as she would place light and soft kisses to my neck. I giggled quietly as she did that, which led her to pull away and look at me.
"Is something wrong?" she asked.
"Nope," I said, cupping her cheeks, pulling her towards me.
"Why are you staring?"
"I can't admire you?"
She shrugged, "Never really had someone do that."
"I'll be the first."
"If you'll be the last, too," Mizu smiled.
"Of course, Mizu."
I leaned towards her, placing a gentle kiss to her nose, both of her cheeks, her forehead, and finishing it off, I placed one to her lips. Pulling away after a few moments, Mizu smiled at me once more, her eyes appearing to be brighter than their darker shades whenever she's angry or pissed off. I loved that about her eyes, too, how different they can look depending on what mood she is in. The one where she wants revenge is the most horrifying, yet, all the more beautiful.
The pad of my thumb caressed the skin underneath her eye, as I stared into them, longing for this moment to last forever and ever. To return the favor, Mizu leaned towards me and pressed a kiss to my forehead, to my cheeks, and along my jawline she could reach before leaving one on my lips behind.
How could such a woman who is filled with revenge and hate be so kind and gentle? Soft one minute, a raging storm the next. I don't know how she did it. It amazed me. It made me want to know more about her, even though I knew every little detail about her. But there are still things she keeps in the dark from me, which I don't mind. They're mostly the darkest thoughts she has ever experienced. A different side of her that she never wants anyone to see, not even me. A part of her she wants to bury deep within herself in the hopes of being forgotten.
That aside, I pulled her towards me, this time, being the one to bury my face in the crook of her neck. I let out a sigh as I took in her warmth, despite her being one that lacks a lot of it with how skinny and somewhat malnourished she was. That we were working on, but I can't force her to eat if she doesn't want to.
"I love you, Mizu."
"I love you, too, Y/N."
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Can I ask a Mars analysis for Jungkook? Thank you very much 💗
Jungkook's Natal Chart: Scorpio Mars in 10H, 11°
(this gif gave me Mars energy LMAO)
-> Hello! Thank you for your request! It's been a while since I talked about Jungkook's astrology, I'm sorry If you missed it! But here is some content ^^ Hope that you will enjoy!
Mars in the astrology is a planet that will show how we express anger, jealousy, any strong emotion, and our drive, ambition. It can also show some s3xual desire but, I'll talk minimum about this, or try to keep it light.
Scorpio Mars
-> Scorpio Mars are native that are veryyy intense emotionally. I think the most "popular" thing about them would be that they are kinky, obsessed with s3x or just freaks. I mean, it's not wrong, but scorpio mars are more than that, for real. To me, they are people that are very intense with their emotions, they feel stuff very deeply. So, something makes them sad, then they will think about it for days, and it might last for some times. But they will make not cry about it, at least def not in front of you. Omg, crying. Scorpio Mars people HATE crying in front of people. They hate that so bad, and they will feel ashamed to feel that deeply. They are quite sensible but hate to show this part of them? Noticed how Jungkook hates crying in front of people? Yeah. They are the type that prefer to bottle up until it explodes rather than to share how they feel. So, anger is powerful to them. They have this desire, even this urge to get revenge, but most of the times, they don't revenge. Mostly because they let life do it, or they will wait for the right opportunity. They are patient people. But if looks could kill, Scorpio Mars wouldn't hesitate. You feel it right away when they don't like you, and it can show in how they look at you. They also won't talk to you, and might ignore you. You'll def know, and they want you to know anyway. I also noticed that Scorpio Mars people aren't the type to fight or to argue that easily, and they cry during fights, because they feel a lot and it just goes out. So usually, they tend to think they are weak for that, or just not strong enough? They can be harsh on themselves. Like a lot. Depends where it is placed in the chart. Also, even though they don't fight, or it's rare, they can have dreams where they beat the sh*t out of people lmao, they can also have the need to be active physically to let the anger out. Scorpio Mars people are indeed jealous, and I don't think I met one who is not lol. They tend to have obsession troubles sometimes lol? The main "problem" with Scorpio Mars people, if I dare to say it, is that they are very emotional people, and they feel things very deeply. So, they care a lot. So jealousy, and possessiveness can often occur in those individuals. They like mysterious and taboo things, things that are forbidden too. They are in fact very faithful to their partners if they do have one. It's rare for them, except other placements, that they cheat. They feel things deeply, which means if they are in love, they will see only you, and I am not kidding. They are also super petty, don't be shocked about it lol. They also attract a lot of people, people may sexualized them a lot. And they don't open up easily, so they give off the vibe to be mysterious. About ambition, Scorpio Mars are hard workers, and they tend to have ambition most of the time. They want people to respect them, and don't ever dare disrespect one, they will hate you forever and find a way to get karma back at you. They are very goal focused. They are very passionate people, so if they love that they do or what they pursue, good luck to see them give up. They will be very focused on what they do, and you can't stop them. They have a good reputation in bed, because they are passionate, love the deep and intimate feelings of these moments and mostly are sexualized, resulting in people fantasizing a lot about them.
Mars in 10H
-> The 10H is a Capricorn house, so technically, that makes JK very goal focused, and very ambitious. He will never give up, and this add a lot of maturity in his career. Having Mars in his 10H to me makes him very career oriented. It's also an indicator of being a good dancer, so I'm not surprised JK has it lol! This placement adds a very sexualized reputation. It is part of what he is known for. But Mars being also about his ambition, JK is also known for his work, but also for his back story, being just a boy and alone in Seoul to be a trainee at such a young age. With the 10H, it gives me real boss, CEO energy, and so if JK one day has his own company, be the CEO of a new music agency, I wouldn't be shocked. JK also has a lot of energy when it comes to being the best, and this placement could also explain that. He feels bad when he is hurt because he doesn't want to stop. He wants to be the best and give the best of himself. This placement just give me an insane drive, and work goal oriented. This man really didn't care much of the rest in his life, when he says only music counts, he is not kidding. It also explains why and how bad JK hates to lose lol! He wants to be the best and will achieve it. Already has. But Mars in the 10H people will work very hard to be the best, and because they have so much ambition, they rarely fail. But it also makes them very hard on themselves, they constantly feel like they can do better.
Mars 11°
-> The 11° (Aquarius) is about being unique, and JK has a unique personality. They don't care if they are different, they will work hard and know that being different is more of a strength than of a weakness. They are pretty friendly, so it makes JK being pretty enemy free. He also has Libra MC so he def has a good reputation. The degree is also about new technologies, internet and social medias, so it could help him a lot in his career, which it did! He is popular on social medias, and being a singer at such futuristic time was def a good point for him. He knows how social medias can be a good opportunity for his career. JK is a visionary person, and because he is very career oriented, he wants to be ready will all the "future" opportunities. He is very smart.
Thank you for reading!
back to index ; ask ; requests ; rules
#uyuans#bts#jungkook#astrology#jungkook astrology#bts astrology#jk astrology#jk#kpop#kpop astrology#jungkook natal chart#jungkook mars#bts natal chart
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opinion posting about riza hawkeye/otp on something i see a lot around town but i disagree with.
Anyway. One thing I see more often than not is the idea that Hawkeye joined the military in order to chase after Mustang because she wanted to protect him. Or that she chased him while in love. But that is actually not true. I know ‘Because I have someone to protect’ is meemed into everyone’s head, but that was not her reason for joining the army. And it does not make sense either.
Like in a strategy guide to get Riza laid any% speedrun, what option is most logical?
1) Go completely no-contact with Mustang. Attend possibly multiple years of the military academy, likely in a different region from where he is. Get into a speciality that is wildly different from him. Git gud at that and then hope that maybe, if all the stars align her future boss will one day for some random reason put her in the proximity of this magic scientist she has not spoken to in years. And then ??? profit?
2) Literally just call Roy on his phone number, perhaps sent him a nice letter, or visit his address.
Sure, the first thing is what actually happened. But it's way too uncertain for that to have been planned. She did not need to be a soldier to be close to him. Roy was not a stranger to Riza, she had his current up to date contact info. He gave it to her on page/screen after her dad died.
When she first sees Mustang in Ishval Hawkeye looks angered and shocked to see him. The first thing she says to him is ‘Do you remember me?’. These two had no contact at all between 1905 and 1908. Mustang got flame alchemy and skedaddled out of her life (even though he was supposed to look after her lmao) and Hawkeye also had clearly no intention of seeking him out when she could have done so easily. She did not join the army to protect him. And also, she says why she joined:
She wanted to improve the lives of the people of Amestris. So am I saying it had nothing to do with Mustang? Well no. Her reasons for joining the military are the same as his.
She looked up to him. Here is this young man who has been to places beyond her sad little town and graduated from the military academy, he is a genius alchemist and must know what he’s talking about, right? That is on top of whatever their relationship was like before then, and whatever adoration she had for him already. She trusted him and thought his dreams were wonderful. Riza also wanted to believe in a peaceful future. Remember that they live in a totalitarian military dictatorship that has been in continued armed conflicts since the middle ages. There has never been a time of peace, ever, since the country was founded. And from the normie Amestrian point of view, they are just defending themselves from outside attacks. I believe that if Hawkeye and Mustang were sent to a border conflict instead of the civil war, they would have never questioned their government.
Anyway, Riza saw an opportunity to be useful with her own two hands, beyond being a walking notebook. Even if she could die in the process, it’d be worth to try. (And the military would also give her a salary after growing up in poverty and a place to live that is not the house she was abused in). She was a teenager with no family, no guidance, no idea what to make of herself. But this was something she could do. (She could have chosen many non-violent paths instead too, to be fair, but I digress).
And then it all went to shit obviously. You cannot become a sniper and never expect to kill. Selling your agency to the state means you can’t just play hero when you want to, you will be sent where ordered whether you like it or not, and forced to commit horrors or die a traitor. Believing the naive ideals of protecting her country was a mistake. Blindly admiring and trusting Mustang was a mistake. Smarter people than me can go expand on that.
But the ‘because there is someone I have to protect’ reason Hawkeye gives for being in the military is actually the reason why she stays. She could have gotten her diploma after Ishval and leave the military behind. But she chose not to.
She stays and will continue to kill because flame alchemy is her responsibility and she has created Mustang, all his kills are mentally hers. If she quits or kills herself while he does not, flame alchemy is still loose in the world outside her control. And just like Roy, she never fully gives up on her dream about protecting everyone. There must be a way to make all this worth it. There is still a way to change the country so future generations won’t have to go through what she did. She’s already doomed so she will take that responsibility so others won’t have to. She violently and fully clings to that.
If Mustang dies before doing anything positive for the world with their dreams and his abilities, all Hawkeye has done with her short life is cause destruction, murder and create a murderer, all the suffering would have been a waste. She cannot life with that guilt or continue the path alone, she will give up and kill herself. Especially in the scenario where she kills Roy herself, and with that her only hope.
There is no way out for them. But their murder-suicide pact was not planned for since they were young. They never intended to see each other again and spend their lives like this. You can blame dad for setting them up for failure.
#verwijder later#thanks for reading my rambles if you do#i have to write it out or it keeps bouncing in my head and distracting me all day at work
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From One Mask To Another
Soundwave and Mixmaster share a drink in a private meeting spot.
Content Warnings: None that I can think of, but feel free to let me know if I should add something here!
Note: Soundwave uses it/its pronouns in this. Scene under the cut !
“Y-y-you’re late,” Mixmaster said, leaning casually on the doorframe to storage room number 35-b. It was where the Constructicons kept excess materials that usually ended up dumped in his drum to be reworked. So only he really had any reason to be there.
“Reason: Irrelevant,” Soundwave responded, running a quick check of the camera feeds around the storage wing.
Mixmaster shrugged. “I wasn’t asking. J-just…observing.” He tilted his head slightly and looked off down one of the hallways, his lips curled into a small smirk. “Hook is in 78-c g-g-getting some corrosion resistant gloves. We sh-should duck inside. And keep quiet.”
“Affirmative,” Soundwave confirmed Mixmaster’s statement with a quick peek into that hall on the camera feed, nodded slowly, and followed Mixmaster into the storage unit, shutting the door quietly behind itself. It didn’t inquire about Hook or the gloves. None of its business, and Mixmaster wasn’t the type to share excess information easily anyway.
Soundwave watched as Mixmaster sat down and leaned against the wall. Soundwave noted the bit of hesitation as he sat which was new. It seemed a pain in his hip was bugging him, but Soundwave simply joined the Constructicon on the floor, Mixmaster taking note of the replacement mask Soundwave was wearing as it did. It was brand new. He could tell. It was lacking in all the scrapes and scuffs of the old one. But Mixmaster didn’t pry, simply offering Soundwave a cube of energon.
“S-s-same as last time. Except I added a c-citrus flavor to it. Earth flavor,” Mixmaster said, smiling softly when Soundwave accepted the cube.
“Appreciated,” Soundwave replied, turning away as it opened its mask to take a sip.
Mixmaster turned his gaze away, not daring to peek at the tapedeck while it drank. Clearly it didn’t want him to. It never wanted him to. And to do so would violate the wonderful thing they had going on together. Meeting up for drinks and fooling around. No follow up questions allowed, though neither of them dared to say that part.
“Assessment: Better than last time,” Soundwave said, offering the empty cube back to Mixmaster.
“Ooo w-wonderful,” Mixmaster hummed as he took it back, pleased with his handiwork. “Would y-y-you like the recipe?”
Soundwave paused for a moment. “Affirmative. Reason: Frenzy would enjoy it.”
The mention of one of the cassettes was new. Mixmaster nodded amicably, sending the recipe to Soundwave over comms. After a moment or two of silence, Mixmaster started with his usual small talk. It was never anything with any real substance.
“I w-w-was in the repair bay th-the other night, cleaning the tools. You know they need to be scrubbed after use, so th-there I was. S-s-scrubbing.”
It was never anything interesting.
“And I figured I could just use b-b-bleach. But I didn’t want to just start mixing it with my usual c-cleaners. Cause a n-nasty reaction? No th-thanks!”
It was never anything new.
“So I decided to just use what I always did! No c-c-crazy experiments for me th-that night. Hahaha!”
It was always words devoid of information. Hollow stories that never mentioned any other Decepticon or any notable event or any feeling or thought, presented charmingly. He was always charming, social, put toegther. His act was well-rehearsed, deliberate in its lack of his thoughts, feelings, and relationships. Soundwave listened even though there wasn’t anything there to find. Mixmaster was good at pretending he had nothing to hide by talking a lot about nothing. Soundwave respected the routine as a mech of few words and a million secrets of its own. It was an act different from Soundwave’s own deliberate silence and one that worked just as well at keeping others out.
Mixmaster chuckled a bit as he poured himself another cube and sipped at it, having had a couple since he’d started telling his story. “Ah, I told you th-th-that one last time, didn’t I?”
Soundwave nodded slowly. He had. Mixmaster knew when he started telling the story that it was the second time. Soundwave had seen him do that before. It was part of his character to be a bit forgetful even though he wasn’t. Mixmaster smiled at him knowingly. He knew Soundwave saw right through him.
“Tell me about your d-day,” he purred before finishing his third cube of energon.
It wasn’t a secret between them. The awareness of what the other was up to. They didn’t have to say it to know.
“Soundwave: Tended to security duty.”
“H-h-how was it?”
“Security duty: uneventful.”
“Well, th-that’s good! What shift do you h-have tomorrow?”
“Tomorrow’s shift: security duty.”
They each knew the other was a fraud, hiding behind the mystery and the mundane. A mess swept under the rug. A face under a mask.
“S-s-sounds nice,” Mixmaster moved over to sit on Soundwave’s lap, facing it. Soundwave set its hands on Mixmaster’s arms with an amount of tenderness no Decepticon other than a cassette had ever seen. And Mixmaster. The Constructicon’s hands rested on the tapedeck’s shoulders, and he flinched a bit as he started to lean down, his hip troubling him. Soundwave moved a hand quickly to support him.
“Sorry th-th-thank you,” he muttered. “Accidentally b-banged it the other n-night…”
That was new. An event. Some information.
Soundwave’s vice grip on its silence slipped.
“Understood. Not trouble. Rumble: helps Soundwave with weak knee joint sometimes.”
Their gazes met, and for a moment they shared a silence filled with nothing but tension.
No follow up questions. With no words spoken, they fell back on that rule. Mixmaster shut his optics and Soundwave opened its mask, and they held each other and kissed softly. Two frauds safely behind their masks again, keeping things quiet together.
#transformers#transformers fanfiction#maccadam#soundwave#mixmaster#constructicons#decepticons#transformers fan continuity
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WIP Wednesday
Might have a couple of different ones to share today. This one is a bit experimental and may forever stay a WIP (especially if I fail to get the discord skin for ao3 to comply with my will 🙃)
Herewith the thought experiment that nobody needed…
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Extract of Discord Chat between rocket46boi and Anarchy_Aunt_Est44
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So - big news!
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You beat the Undead Overlord???!
WITHOUT ME??
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No, you daft idiot we have a hot date with that guy tonight.
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Oh of course. I did not forget that.
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You’ve been having a stab at it without me haven’t you?
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Noooooooo.
Well a bit.
I mean we both know it’s impossible as a solo run. Just testing out some options… you know so I don’t let you down in the field, right?
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Haha guilty conscience much?
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Um, sorry… I just couldn’t resist when everyone was off doing stuff and I just… needed a distraction from all the everything.
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Mate, it’s cool. And you do have my number you know, if you need a distraction just text me.
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Aww thanks ☺️
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Anyway - back here whatever 19:00 GMT is where you are?
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Cool. Yeah! Looking forward to it!
Usual caveat for if I’m not there it’s not personal just my part time job thing you know sometimes the hours are a bit random.
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Yeah yeah Mr Mysterious.
Anyway…
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Sorry!!!! What news, my Queen?
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I’m not going to college!
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Wait, what?
Don’t tell me they turned down your scholarship?!! Those ignorant bastards!
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Calm down hun
(though your rage on my behalf is cute 🥰 )
I did get that, but am not gonna need it.
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Has someone said something? Don’t let the losers get in your head.
Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean you have so much potential??
You’d smash college!
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Slow doooown.
I’m not just bumming out.
I have a job!
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Oh! Uh, ok what kind of job?
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Not 100% clear yet but it’s in experimental digital tech field and there’ll be a shedload of training on the job and best bit is…
Drumroll please…
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What? What?!!
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ACCOMMODATION INCLUDED!
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Oh! You get out of the SH hellscape!!
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Yep!!!
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That must be a relief.
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Yeah. Oh you have no idea.
Like, I wish them well and all but… my ‘neighbours’ are just constant drama. College would be cool but how on Earth I’d get that kind of study done with all that going on?
Instead I get a sweet little flat with just a couple of other trainees who will actually be On My Level you know?
The only one I’ll miss is Clarry. Might see if I can put a good word in for him when I get settled.
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Well, congrats! When do you start?
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Tomorrow!
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Oh!
Wow that’s fast!
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Yeah the guy is keen to start on whatever this new project is so - tomorrow I get on a private jet to somewhere awesome!
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Ok. Wow. You weren’t wrong that’s huge news
I’m really pleased for you
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Chin up rocketboi, it’s a tech job, gaming has gotta be an unwritten part of the job description! We’ll still hang out ;)
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Oh ok :) Good to know!
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Should be a decent WiFi connection there as it’s not paid for by the skinflints at SS! I might even kick your ass more easily.
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Hahaha like you need any help with that!!!
I really am pleased for you!
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Thanks ☺️ I’m pleased for me too.
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Ok I gotta run but, see you later for giant-zombie-crushing?
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Laters xx
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advice about sh, sorry if this is triggering: I have never once showed my scars on purpose to my friends or family, and my birthday is coming up and I want to wear a normal t-shirt. How do I get to a point where I can feel comfortable doing this? You don’t have to necessarily answer this, thank you anyway :)
you're all good! I'm not easily triggered, so you don't gotta worry about asking me anything :)
I would make sure first that you're comfortable by yourself with your scars showing. So when you're in your room, in the house (if you live alone ideally, or if you don't, that could be an experiment to see reactions), just sorta out and about, try wearing a t shirt or even just slightly pushing up your sleeves, so it slowly becomes smth you know you are comfortable with. go to Walgreens or smth with a short sleeve shirt, start to experience going outside in public with it, so you get a little bit used to looks. I feel like the biggest reason I show my scars is because when I'm home, I never ever hide them on purpose, they became just a part of my body. They aren't really my scars anymore, they're just me.
I think it's also important to think about the types of people your friends and family are, and if they would pose a problem to you. for example, my mom notices when I have newer scars, and usually either waits a few days to say something, or doesn't say anything at all. my dad, however, asked me immediately at my brother's highschool graduation after-party thing if they were new without thinking, not angrily, but still loudly enough that everyone there heard. I can deal with that, mostly because I don't live with them so I see them maybe once or twice a month, but you have to sorta think about what you could and couldn't deal with. there are some people I reveal less to, depending on the occasion, just to avoid conflict or embarrassment.
if it's possible, it could be helpful to tell a friend or two that you would be wearing something that reveals your scars, and gauge their opinion on the situation. it's also a way for you to gauge reactions from your friends that way as well.
if you're not comfortable being put in a position to talk about it, it may be better to try to find some type of middle ground. wearing some bracelets, using some foundation/concealer on them, stuff like that. that way you still get to wear the shirt you'd like, but also have less of a risk of them possibly making you uncomfortable. or bring an out for yourself, like a different shirt, a sweatshirt, or a cardigan, if you choose to hide them fully last minute. sometimes it's easier to show them if you know you could hide them if you need to. your brain will process it as a less scary or "risky" situation.
I hope this is helpful, I know that this is a super personal journey that depends a lot on the personalities of all the people involved, but I really do hope you're able to do and wear what you want without that fear eventually 💜💜💜
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I wanna try to compliment the SH fic in the least spoilery way possible but i will most likely fail but WOOO TIME FOR A RANT
Starting off, Star Holder
Everyone is so worried that Eclipse or Pluto will manipulate them when Aurelia has already done that. She's the reason why they are so traumatized and meek and so easily gullible. And now here they are, in between several gods while they are all pulling on different limbs in different directions trying to tell them to go their way and to not listen to the others. I don't blame Star Holder for being so god damn anxious about every single conversation. Every conversation could literally end up in a war if they say something wrong.
Lunar!
That cheeky fuck. I love him so much hes such an asshole(/aff). He's just a silly guy doing silly things and he might want to kill you but it's okay because he's just a silly guy! His back story is tragic and perfectly explains why he is the way he is. I also love how open he is to his plans. Is he using you? Yes, but at least he's honest about it. A true gentleman.
Moon
God damn. That's all I can say. Just- damn.
Okay but in all seriousness Moon is great. Maybe not great to others (after hearing what Pluto said about the star-) but he's a great character. Very anti-social and quiet but he can have fun if he wants to. *quiet chanting* Moon in a dress! Moon in a dress! Sorry, my demons. Anyway. He's definitely trying his best, but he's not very good at it. E for effort, F for execution.
Sun. Dear lord Sun-
Again, he's trying. He just has no fucking clue what he's doing. He's incredibly oblivious it's almost painful. I don't know if I want to give him a hug or slap him. I could do both. Hug then slap. That'd be nice. But anyway, he's very interesting but after learning more about his past I just keep thinking "hypocrite". Talking about how Eclipse is trying to manipulate Star Holder (which he may have at first) only for the star, but he made the star for the purpose of controlling his own brother. That doesn't seem fucked up to him I guess. Of course there's reasonings but it's still so incredibly wrong. But I think that's enough about Sun.
Pluto
Oh how I love her. She seems like the only one (besides Eclipse) who truly cares about Star Holder and doesn't want to use them. The moment Sun and Moon found out that the star was growing they immediately jumped to "we need to know how to use it." Though, Eclipse also seems to have a similar thought process, so he's not much better. Is it possible that Pluto is using Star Holder? Maybe. But lets be honest, so many gods are trying to use them that you can barely even tell which ones are actually sincere of their promise that they care. She is so lovely though. I love how she is actually trying to give them the choice of using the star for good and not just using it to control people (as it was originally intended) She seems genuinely good and it'd be devastating to find out that she isn't... concrete turning noises to stare at my angst loving self. Anyway.
Eclipse
He's my babygirl and no one can tell me otherwise. He is a pathetic traumatized stray cat that everyone thinks has rabies but is actually just starving and wanting love and affection. Okay! But in all seriousness! I love him. The more we find out about his past the more we realize "maybe the good guys aren't as good as we thought." They accused him of murder and didn't even let him explain. Sun didn't even try to use his gift? Although, Lunar did say that it's harder to use the gift when upset so I guess that makes sense. But I'm still annoyed cause I'm a whiny bitch. They seem to just never give Eclipse any slack or any benefit of the doubt. Though, we still don't know his entire story, so there is still likely something that changed things a lot (besides Moon's mother's death.)
I'm gonna stop here since I could go on forever. TBH all my thoughts of the characters could be totally wrong in my perception of them. If that's the case, I formally apologize, I don't think much as is so when I do it's not always the best thing. BUT YEAH. THESE ARE MY THOUGHTS. If you want more there is plenty where this comes from just say the word and I'll flood your ask box again with an entire tangent.
Anyway, this is Birdcage signing off dramatic bow
skips away like a goofy goober
Hello!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Thank you so much this was so sweet. I love hearing people's thoughts and theories on the story and acvsgvsgvdth MAN. I don't want to give too much away. I will say that things are about to get interesting *looks at Saturday's chapter*
Anyway, thank you so so much!! I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I love getting asks so feel free to share your thoughts whenever (I may take some time to reply).
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Alright since requests are open how bout Kyoko and Sonia with an S/O that's like Tsumugi? Hope you have a good day!
Kyoko Kirigiri and Sonia Nevermind with a S/O that's like Tsumugi Shirogane
hey guys what's up I posted isn't that insane??!??!?!
my friends boyfriend released his new album and it's punk music you guys should check it out it's called quiet reading time!
update on uni uhhh this math final is not the move LMFAO it's literally in a month and i'm just sitting here like damn.... lololol. anyway i also got switched dorms bc my dormmate was homophobic LOL! this dormmate oh my god he is perfect, I love him SO MUCH! but he's dropping out at the end of the semester so i'm gonna die tbh i'll miss him... I hope they don't room me with another nobody. me and my husband are doing good!! we had like a month long confuffle where we were mad at each other but it's chill now it's fine we are very very good. he stayed awake for me today so we could get starbucks together :> this means the world to me because he works all night so he always sleeps at 9am (srs... that exact time) and my class gets out at 9:45 and he STAYED and waited outside my class too... I love him so so much. knock on wood.
^ aaaaa and he's learning asl it's so cute i love him so much >.> he's actually sleeping rn and I left to grocery shop and go back to my dorm LOL.... let's see his mood when he wakes up. I left last night too BUT IT'S NOT HIM I JUST CAN'T SLEEP AND I FIND NO AMUSEMENT IN LAYING THERE WHILE HE SNORES IT'S SO ANNOYING.
-Mod Souda
Kyoko Kirigiri
✯ There's a form of love when it comes to having a girlfriend who doesn't show much of her emotions. Her eyes don't light up when she sees you in costume, but she shows her appreciation by keeping you in her gaze, her eyes never leaving you even when you are doing something as casual as scrolling through your phone.
✯ Sometimes she will be dressing for work as you dress in your costumes for a con (a beautiful juxtapose) and she will offer the smallest of critiques.
✯ "You need to brush the back of that wig."
✯ Sometimes she'll go to cons with you and just act as your bodyguard (in the humorous sense but also in the genuine sense, she keeps her eyes on you and people who invade your boundaries in days in which you do end up wearing some of your costumes in public like that).
✯ She is very protective over you, and in an alternative universe in which she speaks like teenagers these days, I imagine she will constantly say a sharp "damn that's crazy but who asked" to people.
✯ She's a good listener! When you go on rants she'll pay attention, and when you make niche references she'll ask you to explain.
✯ She still is entirely independent and doesn't like when you ask about her work. Her ability to change the subject and get you to talk about your interests is peak.
✯ Or when you say some "I'm just plain", she'll always hit you with the "Obviously you're not", which gets you a little ruffled.
✯ Whenever you make her blush, no matter how far into the relationship you are, it still makes you flustered. It's satisfying to know she likes you that much, that someone as stoic as her can find you desirable.
✯ ^ You like letting your perverted side out a bit because of that.
✯ She likes holidays that surround gifts because you are the easiest person to go shopping for.
✯ Her job is a topic that cannot be discussed at the dinner table, you can easily very freaked out at some of the things she sees on a day-to-day basis... so dinner table talk surrounds your interests >:).
✯ You can ask her to put on the cosplays you create so you can see them on another person but she will say no LOL (but you can ask).
✯ She looks at you with a small smile sometimes, which to you means a lot... it's a lot of expression for somebody who is good at hiding.
.
Sonia Nevermind
✯ She has so much interest in anime and manga, and she gets so excited when she sees you making costumes for it.
✯ She wants to know all about your interests and why you like them. Listening to you talk is the best part of your day.
✯ She hates when you call yourself plain! She thinks you're the most interesting person on this planet. No literally, you are beyond unique and she admires your capabilities more than anything (his seems like a pretty obvious thing to say anyway).
✯ Her status in the hierarchy means that she has people to satisfy her every command, meaning that any material you need, you can get. She can even gift you really expensive fabric/stable wires/long-lasting glitter/anything you need, no matter what expense (and if you prefer one specific brand, even if it's 'cheap', she's not going to force you to use something else).
✯ She was raised with a lot of people always around, so when she gets the solo time with you, it makes her feel a lot less princess-like, and it makes her feel like a normal teenage girl. She likes to study in the corner while you sew (studying - it's so fun, especially when she gets to say things like "I'm studying!").
✯ Being around you while you work is her own personal love language.
✯ You wear a lot of layers, and so does she! If she gets cold, even though she might have a servant on hand for that, you can still lend her your jacket :> (else a jacket you make... perhaps you have even made one for this specific occasion too... and perhaps she will never know that it's a reference to your favorite media).
✯ She is more academic-brained than creative-brained so creative processes are very interesting to her, especially ones that require style and clothing.
✯ Sometimes she'll talk to her seamstresses about things clothing-wise and they are always like 'oooh you know about that!!! that's so cool!!!'.
✯ She can often mimic your perverted jokes, and return the energy back to you.
✯ ^ But whenever you get dressed she'll turn around, even if you don't mind.
✯ She will love to try on your cosplays. You can use her as a model any day!
✯ When it comes to costumes with bows and glitter, she loves looking at them! She'd always loved when her servants tied her bow for her. Bows are her favorite accessory, and she falls in love every time she sees you tie one.
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Spicy Thenamesh Doctor AU!
In the ambulance!
Thena inhales between kisses, "I should go."
"Why?" Gil whispers, and she's not sure if he's being a tease or if he's really asking. His hands are still on her waist, under her scrub top just to feel her bare skin.
"Because I'm on call," she laments as Gil continues to kiss her neck with that very talented mouth he has. "And if we get interrupted neither of us are going to be very happy about it."
"Hm," Gil muses, seeming to almost consider her argument until he pulls her shirt up a little bit more. "It's been a quiet night. I don't think they'll need you in the next...fifteen minutes."
"Fifteen, hm?" she laughs faintly as she does a very poor job of pushing him away. In fact, instead of pushing against his chest all she manages to do is bunch up the material in her hands as she paws at him.
"What can I say," Gil chuckles as he pulls her scrub top and shirt off in one clean swipe. "I'm feeling adventurous."
Thena gasps as he does away with her bra just as easily. He's a bit of a sucker for her boobs, but she doesn't mind. Her spine tingles as he toys with her nipples. "Fifteen minutes worth of adventure--and not a second more."
"Yes, Doctor Thena."
"Wh-!" Thena squeaks as Gil flips them around, letting her brace herself on the inside of the wall while he slips his hand into her scrub pants.
His fingers are immediately in her panties, swirling around the wetness that was already collecting from their make out session and soon pushing in two at a time.
Thena lets out a long, loud groan, "Gil!"
"Sh, baby," he croons in her ear, leaning over her shoulder as he fingers her as if they're horny med students getting caught in a stairwell. "I'm just warming you up."
She's already more than overheated, thank you.
Thena bites into her bottom lip as his fingers move in a beckoning motion inside of her. He always knows just what to do with her. Every once in a while she'll wonder if Gil has always been this proficient a lover or if there's something unrealistically special about her (and her with him). But she doesn't really want to know the answer, so she always forgets it part way through.
"Come on, sweetheart," Gil whispers, moving his fingers faster, holding her hips with his other hand.
Thena whimpers, her knees buckling as she comes around his fingers. Gil likes things hard and fast or he likes sweet, slow love-making. There's never an in between with him. But she is likely to get both in one evening, if they have the time.
Gil pulls his fingers from her slowly and gently, careful of her tender sensitivity. He pops his fingers in his mouth as he moves her to sit on her knees on the ambulance bench.
Not before her pants find a way under and around her knees, leaving her ass out entirely. She whines at him, "have to clean this."
Gil kisses the back of her neck, under her ponytail, "I had to clean it before the next shift anyway."
Thena moans again as Gil braces her hips back against his. He seems so sweet and docile in nature, but she's quickly learning that he's ready to fuck at a moment's notice. She pushes her hips against his.
Gil pushes into her and immediately starts rocking his hips. The ambulance is shaking faintly from them both pushing against it with their palms meshing clumsily. Gil's hand covers hers, "fuck, baby."
"Fuck," she whimpers in reply, echoing his statement. Gil from behind just as a certain...feel to it. He's thick in all the right places--for her, at least. It's like they're made for each other! Not that she needs to be that sappy when he's fucking her in an ambulance up against the wall.
"Kinda hot though, right?" he asked, and she just knows he has that devilish grin on his face. Like when he's asking her if she's left any of her panties in his car by accident (just so Kingo doesn't find them, he says, but she thinks he just likes embarrassing her a little).
"Gil," she drawls, trying to sound like she's scolding him for it, even while he's inside her. She listens to the creak of the bus metal and groans, "not now."
"You're right," he purrs, and she knows she's about to get truly and deeply railed. He picks up one of her thighs and angles her hips differently, "I have more important matters at hand."
Thena's jaw drops open as his hips crash into hers. He holds her thigh up, careful of the tightness in her hip flexors (because of course he is). "Gil!"
"Shit," he pants, basically hugging her thigh to his chest, "you close?"
"Yes, I'm close, fuck--I'm close!" She lets her knees - or one knee, rather - go in preparation. Gil catches her at the waist which grinds them together even more closely and firmly. She comes.
"Fuck!" Gil bellows in response to her coming around him, pulling him to follow. His hips buck against hers.
She moans, all of her muscles becoming useless. She might as well be a pile of gauze on the floor, she has so little bone structure left. She whines.
Gil lets her leg down gently and pulls her into his arms. He kisses her forehead, as if he wasn't just rocking the ambulance so hard she feared it might topple over. "You okay?"
"Hm," she purses her lips, eyes still closed but wiggling in his grasp. "I told you to carry some with you."
"Well, I can't exactly keep 'em in my pockets, hon."
No, maybe that isn't the kind of thing an EMT needs to have that on hand at all times. Thena pushes against his chest, "towel."
He tosses one to her, "we don't really keep them in here, either."
Thena rolls her eyes, using the towel to clean herself up as best she can. No, there isn't much of a need for condoms in the ambulances. But still! "Gilgamesh."
He chuckles, kissing her cheek as she offers it to him for his part of the cleanup. He sighs as she pulls her bra back on, "fine, I'll keep some somewhere on me from now on, okay?"
She huffs as she tugs on her regular t-shirt first and then her scrub top, "y'know, I changed my mind. Maybe the rule is simply no more sex while we're at work."
Gil has the audacity to give her a smirk, "you really think we can stick to that?"
She turns and crosses her arms, warmth in her cheeks, "I'm not talking about the call rooms!"
Gil comes over to her again, leaning over her hunched shoulders and kissing her hair, "okay, honey, whatever you say."
She rolls her eyes; he'll be extra affectionate (unprofessional) tonight. "I've got two more hours on call. Just behave for that much?--if you can, that is."
He gives her a mocking salute as he opens up the doors for her to make her escape, "yes, Doctor."
She purses her lips at him.
He blows her a kiss, "see you soon, dear."
She sighs, turning around to make her way back into the Emergency Room. With any luck, she can avoid Ajak and the accusation that she was using her break time to rendevouz with Gil...again.
#Thenamesh Doctor AU#Thenamesh 18+#not rated E but rated...a little bit spicy#I like#variety is the spice of life!#and listen#this Gil...fucks#he f u c k s#he's up for a wild time#they work very stressful jobs!#and obviously it works well for them#Thena isn't really opposed to it#she just doesn't want to have to be there when someone asks hey what happened in the ambulance Gil is hosing out?#or you seem happy where were you?#or don't you have better things to do on your break? and your shirt is inside out#listen they're maybe not very subtle#it's why everyone basically already knows about them even if they're not 'official'#they basically are#let's face it they basically were long before now anyway#everyone in Emerge knows#and the nurses knew better than to go after Gil for a long time before now anyhow#no use in getting on the Goddess of War's badside
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any hcs on p1dude and p2dude?????? :0000000
YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! I’m sure I’ve made lots of posts of my hcs about them in the past but that’s been a while so 😈😈😈😈😈
P1-
•He has multiple mental illnesses.. and autism.
•He has old and new sh scars
•He is a HUGE nerd. He lowkey wants someone to share all the knowledge he knows with but yknow..he’s scared of everyone and paranoid. He would say he’s fine being a loner but he really wouldn’t mind having a friend. It will just take him a while to get used to having one.
•If he makes a friend, he’s gonna be at their side all the time. He swears it’s only because he wants to protect them from others because ‘they don’t know what’s going on like he does’ but it’s really just because he wants human interaction.. so if he trusts someone somehow, they have to deal with him a lot.
But I can also see him having times where he just suddenly ghosts them bc he’s having mental breakdowns and doesn’t reach out.
•He’s shy!!! And he can have a hard time talking to others. I feel like sometimes he doesn’t even wanna talk while he’s around a friend tho, like being just around them while he works on his own thing makes him happy. He both hates and loves silence.
•Has a really hard time sleeping. He doesn’t like letting his guard down. So he stays up probably on his couch in his living room all night, gun near by until he either falls asleep or he just doesn’t go to sleep for days on end. (Which leads to him getting eye bags)
•He loves baggy clothes & clothes that just covers him up a lot in general. That’s why he decides to wear that trench coat AND sweater :/
•Has a weird relationship with religion. Sometimes he will just think about god and whatnot for hours on end but other times even slightly thinking about religion sends him into a mental breakdown.
•His hair is greasy af!!! I think he actually does have a semi normal shower schedule but he just gets the cheapest shampoo ever. That or he doesn’t even use shampoo… like he just gets his hair wet and calls it a day.
• OKAY SORRY FOR A ROMANCE HC BUT…. I think he would love someone holding his hand :3 or laying on him.. He’s very touched starved. Oh he also blushes easily 💃
• Animal lover!
P2-
•Has lots of mental issues too.. but he’s learned how to deal with them a bit better.
•He LOVES nu-metal. He’d dress even more goth if his wife wouldn’t give him shit for it.
•He’s kinda good at socializing but also not??? Like he can talk to restaurant workers and all those types of people pretty well and can actually be really friendly but he’s also accidentally really creepy. Like sometimes he zones out and will just end up looking at someone for a long time without noticing. And if he likes someone, he gets in their personal space without thinking about it as well.
And he’s also kinda easily annoyed. It doesn’t take much for him to make him feel like threatening someone lol
•Bi :3 He goes to the gay bar near his place somewhat regularly on the weekend since around the time him and his wife started having issues. (Why don’t people make fics about p2 going to that place,…like??? It’s canon he lives close to a gay club and no one does anything with it?? 😭) I think he has a male lean also.
•He’s not good at standing still most of the time. If he’s up he has to be moving in some type of way and if he’s sitting, he’s bouncing his leg.
•Tsundere. He has to make jokes or tease someone when they are being nice to him. He’s not used to it so it’s how he copes :/
•Sleeps on the couch bc his wife takes up the bed. He doesn’t wanna sleep near her or touch her anyways.
•Once he leaves him, he doesn’t clean up after himself at all in the trailer LOL so many things are just thrown around (it’s kinda canon but whatever)
•He never eats a good meal and doesn’t bother cooking for himself often. He needs someone to look after him when it comes to his health like p1. Smh
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Nowen talkin bout bleach
BLEACH TYBW EP 24: What to do When the Abyss Blinks at You
(or, I CALLED IT SUCKAAAS!!!)
Alright folks. In the first five minutes we get a bricks worth of lore thrown at our heads, we then get a return of a character who actually is a big deal (kind of), and we get a good look at the skills and abilities of the zero division.
Overall I kept repeating one phrase through the episode. OH SH**!! Absolutely insane episode. The fight hype is real and we are going to see something cool (I hope). It’s just funny that I mentioned power scaling last week because it is going to come into play today and next week.
And yes, that ice cold son of a eyeball gun blinked this week. He blinked 5 times (yes I counted and watched it twice to be sure.) He blinks when he’s about to do something bad. Like murder, or lying, or even taking the eyes from a tiny god
Shinigami deaths: 16
Quincy deaths: 16
(Leave it to the zero division to tie up the game)
Spoilers below
Things I liked:
The whole intro that just completely explained where The Soul King’s hand came from, how Ywach made the decision to invade 1000 years ago (ngl he was probably gonna do it anyway), and what happened to the eyes he inherited from his dad. Needless to say, utterly amazing.
Ganju! I completely forgot you were in this! It makes sense, though that he’s going to the Royal Palace, considering that he is part of one of the noble families, but I don’t think that’s going to come up until way later.
Mayuri being so butthurt about Kisuke and his rocket. Man is the DEFINITION of petty
The shot of the frontline Invasion forces little broken circle. Clever work!
I’m sure it was just a testing tactic, but did Haschwalth really just drop some soldat and expect them to not get killed? Clearly he was using them as Guinea pigs, but still.
Senjumaru is so coldly polite, showing etiquette and courtesy when needed but with no sincerity. And then immediately murdering in the most cold-blooded way. This woman has it going on.
Nyanzol looks so baked goofy but still maintains menace. Great balance by the voice actor.
The Quincy royal guard look menacing as hell and are wonderful. Each of them get their own bullet point. starting with Askin! He is such a goofy fella, easily the one people will love later on
Gerard sounds exactly like I’d expect. Bombastic as heck and as murderous as a razor sharp knife
Lille exhudes arrogance and superiority, and his gun and shooting look great.
Pernida is scary as fuck. Plain and simple. Did you see what he did to that one guy with a look? I am not looking forward to hearing him talk.
Senjumaru addressing Pernida, and his silent words are just peak set ups for his reveal. 
God, I love Nimaya. He’s the perfect blend of goofball and monster that I like. Also, he laid out every single one of the Quincy royal guard before anybody else could lift a finger. 
The way Nimaya clowns on Lille is peak. Love it so much. 
The sound that Sayafushi makes as it cuts is interesting. It kind of sounds like a single second of the hum of a vibrating blade. Which makes sense considering that it’s so sharp that it cuts through anything it touches and is most likely cutting straight through the air molecules to make that sound
 The way Sayafushi ends up in Pernida’s head is so sudden I stopped breathing on the first watch. God I love this fight.
Last thing about Nimaya, his broken English is so fun that it completely circles around to grating and then right back to fun
Everybody knows that Ichibe is a killer. Compared to Yamamoto and Unohana, their kills are just playground fights compared to the stuff he’s done. There is a reason I bold the man’s name, and it is because he is the scariest being to ever exist.
Things I didn’t like:
Minor thing. random Quincy girl, kudos on the bravery of attacking the scariest person in existence btw, shot bullets. Granted they were Quincy bullets, but if this was 1000 years ago does that mean that the Quincy invented guns? Or is it like just a fast cannon? Questions I have.
That after all of Senjumaru’s sick as hell moments, we don’t get to know more about her palace or her roll. Each of the squad zero members has something that contributed to soul society. Names, healing, zanpakuto, the uniform, and artificial souls/cooking. We get to know the about the other four, why not the fifth. 
Nyanzol’s toungues made me think he had pieces of deli meat hanging out of his mouth.
I don’t remember how Ywach escaped the cage beyond him throwing the medal, so I’m hoping they explain things next week beyond “I’m metabreaking”
This is not so much an issue with the anime, but rather with the story. For those of you who know, squad, zero loses this fight. And on top of that, they lose bad. And because of that people think that squad zero is not as strong as day are supposed to be.  the thing that I like about this is that this episode shows squad zero is exceptionally strong because of their unique abilities as well as skills. They just unfortunately went up against a mini God with the most nonsense powers ever conceived. And I know that next episode, there’s gonna be a bunch of people saying “oh man squad zero is so weak, how could they have lost?” I’m really hoping that things look good next week before the big L drops 
And that’s the episode. If we’re doing 13 episodes for this core, then we’ve got two more. It looks like one is going to be all about the squad zero fight, and the final most likely will be Ichigo and his friends arriving at the palace to find that things have not gone well. Still, it I won’t be all bad. After all, we’ll finally get to meet the Soul King! The guy who all the fuss is about 😁
Just don’t blame me if you throw up when you look at it
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hi ren! i was wondering why you don't want your donation post tagged? tagging crowdfunding etc posts helps me find them again on my blog easily to rereblog in case they haven't hit their goal yet but i don't wanna make you uncomfortable
cw: weight talk/health issues
anon hiiii, i’m really glad you asked this and finally have capacity to write out fully why! so thank you 🤗
among the millions of users on this app, some things have gotten super cemented as The Way™ but that means staff knows it too.
while the 4 tags: “s***nal b***t”, c**wdf*nd”, “d**nation”, and “mu**al a*d” may seem helpful for sorting and awareness at face value, we as users have been using and overusing them for years. it’s like a sick joke to chronically poor “ebeggers” as we have been named by old reddit.
bottom line is staff hates poor people; even before they decided to take away tipping soon, they flagged posts and sh**ow ba**ed accounts, deleted users (usual poor and black/indigenous/of color) while letting gen pop think they were doing a good job. my main account has over 3k followers and i cant get any post i make over 3 notes anymore despite being a semi popular radical blog.
my messaging was taken away. i could hit post limit and still have activity of max 20 notes a day. the post itself could be randomly deleted or even hard to search all of a sudden even with a tag. it’s awful to be isolated on the internet when you’re poor. :/ call me paranoid but i barely touch my main account now.
anyway, my fandom blog doesn’t deserve a forced lack of community and i love you guys too much to not be able to see/be seen or talk to my friends. ive already been told by staff that this blog was flagged as spam once and they took away my messages, right after my last sciatic spasm. it took Weeks to get messages back.
it was awful, i was living in the dark and only eating egg cheese sandwiches or sugar rice and water bc i couldnt afford anything else. i’m not going back to that. i’ve gained weight that is making my bones hurt bc of my poverty food choices and forced sedentary lifestyle while healing my back. and i’m only just now getting back going walking and being employed sporadically. it’s super hard to not have help and not have a job bc of disability discrimination AND have deconditioned muscles. poor nutrition is horrible for muscle. it’s even harder to stomach getting 3 thousand notes on something and $17 while i owe Thousands the way it works on my main account.
if i can do anything to advocate for myself, it’s to ask this: dont use old, overused tags. get creative with tags so more people see and wont restrict me. tag comerades/mutuals in the post. tag the post with a random well wish like “good luck” or something. literally anything but the most common 4 tags. the same way people get creative with the name for their queues!
i made a post about other/different tags that can be used but it doesnt have a ton of notes, i tried looking for and i cant find it which shows 1. the tumblr tagging system still sucks 2. it will never get a ton of notes. many of the posts in the tags mention in the beginning of this post barely reach 100 notes. mathematically a post could need like 9,000 notes to be fully funded depending on the amount. there’s a post in there with 22 notes, unless that person makes a new post everyday (i know a person who does that), it’s a wasted effort and some days i barely have spoons to get up and relieve myself tbh :/
anyway, especially with things that took years to happen or months to fix, it’d just be nice if post got notes into 1k-10k territory to be effective.
i hope some or any of this answers your question, let me know if you have more! have a great day!
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"A Rather Polite, Bigger Thing" (Pt. 18)
Masterpost:
“Don’t worry, I got him. He’s right here in my workshop.”
“Is he alright?!” Was the desperate reply on the other side of the line. She seemed to be almost in tears.
Carah turned to where the Edward lay, huddled beneath her work table in a heap of limbs, refusing to listen to even Ollie’s pleading. “He’s… a work in progress.”
“What’s wrong?! Hold, on I’ll be right—!”
“No!” Her voice was so loud it caused both robots to flinch. She mouthed an apology and lowered her volume.
“Are you crazy?! You, a single woman, alone in the dark, in a neighborhood like this?! You’ll get eaten up alive!”
“But—!”
“No buts.” She said firmly. “We’ll keep an eye on him for you. You can come pick him up in the morning.”
It was for the best, in more ways than one. Not only was it just common sense, but also Edward was not in the right mindset to meet her all. In truth, Carah wasn’t so sure she was comfortable with it either. After all, the Third Law mandate only kicked in if the robot in question genuinely felt their existence was in danger.
Just what had happened?
Once she hung up, she turned around to face her new charge, determined to find out.
***************************
“No luck.” He reported as he heard the monster approaching. “Won’t talk. Only wants you.”
“....take it out.” Edward croaked. “T-take it out!”
“That’s all he says.” Ollie slumped down, disappointed. He’d wanted to help. Still, Carah patted his head anyways.
“Do you know what he wants taken out?” She asked as she kneeled down next to him. Edward curled up tighter under the desk as she approached. It was almost funny, since he was so big.
“His feelings, I think?” If he wanted to take out something that the monster had given him, it was either his feelings or his limbs, and the first one made more sense. “I don’t know, just that he’s scared.”
His voice dropped to a whisper. “You think his owner hurt him?”
“No.” Both their heads snapped up to attention upon hearing Edward say something new. “She didn’t get to. I ran too fast… I was a coward. T-that’s why you have to fix this!”
“Fix this?” The monster asked, confused. “Fix what?”
“Me!” Edward roared. “I only started malfunctioning once you messed with my head! This is— Th-this is—”
His words collapsed in a gargle of static. Ollie patted his shoulder gently.
“For the record,” the monster said. “I didn’t ‘change’ anything, at least not when it came to your emotional state. Jayce just… got rid of everything that stopped you from working at full capacity.”
There was a long pause. Then finally: “...I don’t want it. Please, change it back.”
“Can’t, sorry. Jayce is the one who codes, remember? He’s not available until the morning.”
That was a lie. Or at least, part of one. JayJay was the one who did the programming most of the time, that was true, but the monster knew enough to restore anything to its default settings. She didn’t want to turn him back. And he didn’t want her to, either. Why did Edward want to be an empty shell again?
“It’s not going to fix anything, you know…” He said softly. Edward only stared. “You’ll still think and feel and hurt.”
“I don’t want to.” Edward croaked. “I’m not strong enough…. I can’t! A-and if I can’t… then don’t give me a choice!”
“But that’s not what your owner wants.” The monster said evenly.
“C-c-can’t you tell her not to? She’s kind… Sh-she’d understand…”
A thick silence descended on the three of them. Ollie looked up towards his monster to notice that her mouth was stretched in a thin line, her shoulders tense. Her exhaustion was showing. She’d been working all day and half the night, and there was another problem she couldn’t fix easily. Ollie laid a hand on her leg.
“Monster? Could you leave us alone?”
Carah did a double-take. “You sure?”
“It might be better if there were no humans around.” He lied. Really, she just needed to get some sleep. The monster’s yawn furthered his resolve.
“Alright… just yell for me if you need anything.”
Edward closed his eyes as her footsteps walked away.
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💉 How do they feel about needles
✏️ Do they write
🛍 What is their fashion taste
Can I ask these 3 about Bobo, please?
(Sorry about the laziness. I'm still waking up, lol)
💉 - How fond are they about needles? (Op of the oc asks really used the word fond? Who's fond of needles?? I would think at best one can tolerate or is indifferent to them... unless I were to say Xia-lin loves needles but only in sticking them in other people /j)
Bobo's indifferent to needles. She doesn't care too much for them, but she has no issue with them if she does need a needle for any medical reason.
(Probably lucky and doesn't even feel needle injections which apparently everyone around me irl but me has such luck. I hate needles. Though a couple of years ago I found the best way for me to not feel/minimize feeling anything is to have it shot-gunned into me. Like just done really fast.)
✏️ - Do they write? If so, what kind(s)? Creative, journaling, etc.
The format of this question makes me want to think the question is asking if the oc writes for any fun manner; or even doing something like calligraphy, again for fun.
Bobo does not journal or write creatively or anything like that. The closest she gets to it is when she has to handwrite letters to the kingdom above her own. They insist that Bobo handwrite them and it sometimes takes longer than she'd like as she makes sure her handwriting is super neat and easily readable. Because if it isn't, the royals from the other kingdom will basically nag her about it.
Usually Bobo types things on a device with the occasional screen-touch written/drawn? signature. Though she also does at times write, her handwriting is readable, but a bit messy and rushed looking. With all the paperwork she reads through, Bobo has no interest in any creative form of writing. She's tired of looking at blocks of text.
🛍 - What’s their fashion taste(s)?
(I know like the name of some fashion styles, but not enough to actually name any of them for any of my characters. Unless it's business casual or lolita or gothic.)
Bobo has a preference for bright, cheerful clothes like blue and yellow. She often wears a red-orange color though as that's the Mycelind royal color. Not really a necessity for their royalty to wear, but she takes her job so seriously that she chooses to wear it anyway. If she can, she'll never wear a majority of the color white as that's the other kingdom's royal color. Her gloves do tend to be white as that's her personal preference on telling how clean her gloves are.
Bobo prefers dresses, skirts, and skorts. She often wears light-weight shorts or something similar underneath her skirt for modesty. Though really the chances of seeing under her skirt would usually only be in battle I would think and I'd think the fight itself would be too distracting to even notice. Just in case though.
Due to her kingdom's climate, Bobo does go with shorter wear, like short-sleeves and/or no sleeves. I'm actually a bit torn on how to dress her during her childhood as while I know what modesty would be like for the kingdom, I'm concerned of it coming off as inappropriate for kids. Like in-universe it's probably no big deal, but online irl I worry about gaining the attention of creeps.
So childhood Bobo's probably dressed more modest, while adult Bobo might not be? I actually haven't experimented with what adult Bobo's outfits may look like now that I think about it. Like I've decided what adult Bobo's hairstyle will be and I'm sure her outfit will be similar to her childhood ones. Anyway-
Bobo quite likes frills and cutesy looks. Her preference for skirts doesn't mean she hates pants though. She's willing to wear pants and prefers pants that has some frills or a semi-skirt to it.
Twst Bobo is a bit different as she's in a different climate that she's not used to. In Twisted Wonderland Bobo is constantly feeling cold so she's usually in full uniform to try to fight the coldness. She's also limited in clothing options so she doesn't get to show off her style much. I have her tie her tie as a bow like Riddle and Epel do as partially as that's what she prefers and partially because she's never tied a tie before.
I also gave her a grey shirt instead of white as Vil has a grey shirt which suggests to me that school uniform shirts don't have to strictly be white. If Bobo has options, she will avoid white. Only her gloves get to be white. (So of course the fairy gala outfits are basically majority white and I do plan to draw her in one of her own at some point.)
While Bobo does prefer skirts, Twst Bobo won't even look for them. She's used to mid-length/short skirts which would be too cold for her liking. She leans more for pants in Twisted Wonderland.
I do have a fan oc for twst named Lance that I've made mostly as an excuse to give Twst Bobo some more clothes. Though Bobo just takes whatever she can have, not feeling like she has much right to ask for any specifics. Especially as Lance doesn't seem to know how to take proper breaks along with him giving her stuff for free.
#ask#oc ask game#twst bobo#bobo mycelind#daedalusslabyrinth#i took a while to answer because i want to do this on desktop and i was distracted by a game#emojis#are emojis screen-reader friendly?#i do appreciate the questions!#just been distracted by majoras mask lately#along with a little project im doing#oh i could see bobo in a dress with birds on it but mycelinds version of birds are bats so it would have bats on it instead#cute little bats on a blue dress#too many things i want to draw but my brain and body wont sync properly to get them done#or well i think its a mental and physical sync issue thats going on
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