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thedarkplume · 3 years

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Throwback Thursday

Dust off those browsers, friends. We’re gonna travel back in time to the stories that brought us into the fandom or the ones that have stuck with you through the years.

Share your super old faves and reblog them, showing the authors their classics are not forgotten. Leave them a love note showing them how much it means to you.

Then reblog the first story you wrote for your current fandom or even the first one you wrote for each fandom you belong to. The world is our oyster. Let’s rediscover some pearls.

I'm not going to lie. This Ask made me a little bit sad. There have been some really great writers on this site that have left us for unspecified reasons, and some for the childish bullying that seems to be a daily thing.

One of my favorite blogs was @chocolatecherubs. They were a blog that was written specifically for black female characters in the Marvel Universe, with Steve and Bucky as the central love interests, particularly during the 1940s.

However, all is not lost! There are still plenty of blogs that I follow and love and can always count on to provide the most entertainment you can achieve without picking up an actual book. One of the blogs who always delivers on this front regardless of the subject matter is the beautiful and talented @avintagekiss24 . I've been following her for a year and it has been a nonstop rollercoaster of fun, excitement, surprise, and even a little bit of heartbreak.

@avintagekiss24 has so many stories that I reread over and over again, it's nearly impossible to pick just one. But...if I did have to choose a classic in a split-second decision it would be Night Shift. This was my first time ever reading a story about Andy Barber and since then I have not stopped!

As for my own forays into fanfiction, I've written for Twilight, Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Cruel Intentions, a few WIPs for We Have Always Lived in the Castle, Knives Out, and the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and that's not counting all of the stories knocking around in my head vying for attention!

Here is a VERY old Buffy the Vampire Slayer story I wrote.

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pairing: Buffy/Angelus

Setting: 1700s, New Colonies

A/N: This story is a little different from the others I’ve written. This story is set in the days of Angelus’ life when Drusilla had just turned Spike. Bear with me if everything is not exactly up to par historically – I am not a history buff! NSFW 18+ Warnings for offensive language, subject matter, violence, blood, gore, and sexual abuse.

His features could not be termed uninteresting—there lay in them something bold and daring—but the expression on the whole anything but benevolent. There were contempt and sarcasm in the cold dark eyes, whose glance, however, was at times so piercing that no one could endure it long.

from The Mysterious Stranger (1860) – Anonymous

What is obsession? Is it the madness that consumes a man when he’s confronted with the one thing he knows he is not supposed to have? Is it the burning desire to possess the aforementioned object, ensuring that she will only think of him as he only thinks of her? Angelus paced back and forth in his chosen room of the mansion. Darla was still off reconnecting with Dracula and giving Angelus some much-needed breathing room. While she was off having her own adventures, he moved his childe and grandchilde to the American Colonies. They were in the colony named New York. Angelus loved the New Colonies. The women were not as sexually repressed, and the humans as a whole were more trusting. Since their arrival, government officials, writers, artists, scholars – everyone who held wealth and power had invited Angelus, his “sister” Drusilla and her husband William, to parties. There was nothing Angelus enjoyed more than drunk socialites.

And it was at one of these parties that he saw her. The object of his obsession. Elizabeth Anne Summers. Buffy, to those who knew her intimately. She had long, golden blonde hair, not unlike Darla’s, but hers had more of a silky texture. Her eyes were large and hazel, brimming with innocence. She had sun-kissed skin that seemed to glow underneath the moonlight.

Angelus wanted her. He wanted to bury his fangs and his cock inside her. Her scent proved that she was untried, but that would only last so long. Angelus found out everything he could about her. She was promised to the governor’s son. She lived with her parents Hank and Joyce Summers. She had a baby sister – Dawn – who caught pneumonia and died at the age of six. Her father worked as a developer for the colony and his wife owned a prominent boutique. She had two best friends, Willow Osbourne née Rosenberg and Alexander Harris, husband to the beautiful and licentious Cordelia Harris née Chase.

The first time Angelus spoke to her was at a party that was thrown by an oil barren. Angelus, as usual, found himself surrounded by three potential meals. Drusilla stood by William’s side, smiling proudly as he recited poetry. It was terrible, but the women thought it was the most beautiful thing they had ever heard.

“Do you hunt, Mr. McConroy?” one of the women – Mrs. O’Hara or something or another – said, pulling him from his thoughts.

Angelus flashed an enticing smile. “Why yes, Mrs. O’Hara. ‘Tis one of my many pleasures.”

She wet her lips and fluttered her eyes in what he was sure was meant to be attractive. “Well, in that case, you should come to my husband’s estate in the country. You two can hunt and later you could tell me more about your pleasures.”

“How can a man of sound mind resist such an enticing offer?” he said, kissing the back of her hand.

The woman continued to place unnecessary hints concerning secret rendezvous and Angelus almost lost control and snapped her neck on the spot until one of the younger women spoke up.

“There’s that Elizabeth Summers.”

Angelus’ attention immediately shifted, seeking out his dark obsession. She came in with her parents. Her large hazel eyes seemed sad, and Angelus suddenly wanted to seek out that which had caused her misery and destroy it. He wanted to be the sole source of any pain she felt. But he could not gaze upon his obsession in peace as one of the three women continued her verbal assault.

“How a strange girl like that was lucky enough to have a contract with Governor Finn’s son is baffling.”

“She is a strange one, Harmony,” Cordelia Harris vehemently agreed. “My husband says that she spends all of her time reading. Reading! Have you ever heard of such a thing?”

“Well, I hear that she wishes to become a writer! As if any respectable man would want anything written by a woman! A proper lady should spend her time learning to attend a household and concern herself with pleasing her husband.”

“Yes, well, we all know that Buffy,” she sneered the name. “Is as far from a lady as one can be. It baffles me why Alexander enjoys her company so. It’s embarrassing!” she glared as said husband made his way over to Buffy.

“I see nothing wrong with a properly educated woman, Mrs. Harris,” Angelus said, drawing their attention away from Buffy. “It would be refreshing to hear a woman contribute something to the conversation beyond how pretty the dresses are overseas.”

Cordelia Harris’ expression darkened so that if Angelus had been human, he might have been afraid. “Well,” she sniffed, highly offended. “It is upon the hour, and I believe I shall take my leave.” She stood and scowled at Angelus when he broke societal conventions and refused to stand when she did. “I bid you goodnight, Mrs. O’Hara, Harmony, Mr. McConroy.”

“Mrs. Harris,” his flourishing bow was meant and taken in all its mockery. He smirked as she huffed and stomped away. He watched her approach Buffy and Alexander, and used his enhanced hearing to listen in.

“…husband and I must be going,” she said in a clipped tone.

Buffy knew that her friend’s wife didn’t like her, but for Xander’s sake, she at least made an effort. “I am sorry that you must be leaving so soon. I hope you will feel well, Cordy.”

“Oh, Elizabeth, how many times must I remind you to call me Mrs. Harris?” she said tightly.

“Of course. I apologize.”

“Alexander.”

The dark-haired young man looked between his wife and his friend, wishing he could stay, but knowing he would never hear the last of it if he did. “Of course, dear. See you soon, Buffy.”

Her other friend, Willow, who had watched the scene from across the room, performed her usual damage control ritual. “You know I think one of these days he shall divorce her.”

“Willow!” she whispered, linking their arms. “You should not say such things.”

“Well, he should! I’m fairly certain the only reason he puts up with her is for the sex and we both know the pregnancy scare was the incentive for the marriage to start with…”

Angelus watched the two young women disappear out onto the gardens. “Ladies, if you will excuse me.” He left the woman at the table and sought out William. He didn’t have the same mental link with him as he did with Drusilla, but William could feel when his grandsire called him.

“You called?” he said, appearing moments later.

“Yes, I’m stepping out for a moment. Make sure no one sees Dru nibbling on the livestock.”

“Are you ever going to tell me what’s so special about this bird? I mean, she’s a cutie and all, but is she really worth our queen mother handing you your own arse?”

“What Darla doesn’t know won’t kill me.” Angelus knew William had a point. Darla was extremely jealous and possessive of him, but he was still sore around the edges where she was concerned, considering that she left him to die in a burning barn. Darla was his sire and that was a bond not easily broken, but nothing could reestablish the trust he lost for her. He glanced at Drusilla to see if she was keeping out of trouble and caught her thralling Harmony. “If you want the blonde as a party favor you should take her out of here. She’s as dumb as a post but has a pleasant peach scent to her.”

Angelus left his grandchilde to attend to Dru and followed Buffy’s scent through the large garden maze. She and her friend, Willow sat on a bench in front of a pond talking quietly.

“…says?”

“You mean when she’s not nursing a bottle? She blames me. She says even whores aren’t low enough to chase their own fathers,” she sniffled.

“Oh, Buffy, have you thought about telling Riley?”

“No, I can’t tell him, Will. If he thought for a moment that it’s gone further than a drunken fumbling, he’ll never speak to me again.”

“And right now, he’s your only way out,” Willow sighed in sympathy to her friend’s plight. “You know Oz and I will let you move in with us.”

“People will talk.”

“They’re already talking. One of New York’s most beloved sons married to a kike?”

“Willow!” Buffy admonished. “Don’t ever call yourself that.”

The redhead shrugged carelessly. “I have been called much worse. I am just telling you that Oz and I do not care what anyone else says about us.”

“I appreciate it. And if the wedding was happening later than next month I would say yes.”

“But what if he goes too far before Riley can save you?”

The unanswered question hung heavy in the air. Angelus seethed. He barely restrained himself from going back inside, grabbing Hank Summers and tearing off his worthless cock with his bare hands. It didn’t anger Angelus that the man was taking liberties with his daughter. It bothered him that his touch would not be the first she had known from a man.

“I should get back inside before Oz starts looking for me. Come with?”

“In a little while. I just want a little more time away from the noise.”

“Don’t take too long. Your parents,” she mumbled.

Angelus watched the Osbourne woman return to the party from his place in the shadows. He turned his attention back to Buffy realizing that they were finally alone. She leaned back, her hands flat on the bench and her face turned up towards the starlit sky. Her eyes were closed, and the subtle breeze disturbed the tendrils of silky tresses framing her face. Angelus had the perfect view of the golden skin of her smooth throat. His face shifted as he imagined sinking his fangs into her throat as her naked body writhed helplessly underneath his.

Buffy’s eyes suddenly snapped open. She stood and she looked around her as if sensing she was not alone. “Is someone there?” she called.

Angelus contained his excitement and returned to his human visage. “Just me,” he said, pretending as though he was simply out for a stroll through the garden’s maze. “Didn’t mean to frighten you.”

Buffy stared at the man before her. She was certain that she had never seen him around before. He was tall, very tall. He had long dark hair that was bound behind his head. He had a wide mustache and she wondered if it was as soft as his hair looked. He had dark eyes. Eyes that were mischievous and secretive. She started to believe she was dreaming. She always thought Riley was cute in a boyish way, but this man before her with the long brown hair, his piercing dark eyes and his enticing smirk was…beautiful. His smirk seemed to widen, and Buffy realized with startling clarity that she was rather rudely staring at him.

“No, you did not frighten me, sir,” she recovered.

“You are Elizabeth Summers, correct?”

“Yes, but everyone calls me Buffy.”

He took her hand – it seemed tiny and engulfed by his – and pressed a small kiss to it. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Buffy. I am Angelus McConroy.”

Recognition flashed in her large hazel eyes. “Of course, Mr. McConroy! You live in the Crawford’s old mansion. Your brother-in-law, William, is it? He ordered a gown from my mother’s boutique for your sister.”

Angelus suppressed another smirk. He had sent William on that particular mission to scout out the boutique and Buffy’s work hours, and to spread the word to the local undead community that she, her family and friends, were off limits.

“Yes, my family and I moved there a few months ago.”

Buffy fidgeted with her dress before resuming her place on the bench. “Would you…would you care to sit?” she offered timidly.

He flashed a dazzling smile and took his place beside her. “Now what is a lovely girl such as yourself doing out here all alone? It’s really not safe,” said the wolf to the rabbit.

Buffy glanced up at him and flushed as he stared down at her unblinkingly. “Oh, well, I just stepped out for a moment. Just for some air,” she shrugged.

“You don’t truly enjoy parties, do you?”

“They are…acceptable.”

“Ah, but a lass such as yourself would much rather be at home in front of the fire with a book. You prefer the silence and solitude to the noise and excitement.”

She flushed an attractive pink and looked up at him from under her lashes. “I realize that those are not exactly the qualities one looks for in a woman, but…”

“But you are far from a woman, lass. You’re still a wee child.” He watched appreciatively as her skin flushed a darker red.

“Sir, I will have you know that I am of sixteen years and will soon be a wife,” she said, not really succeeding in sounding offended.

“Yes, to Governor Finn’s lad no less. I find it difficult to see what it is the boy could have done to deserve the hand of such a fair lass.”

Her hazel eyes met his and she wore a smile befitting that of the most experienced of coquettes. “Do you tell all your ladies that, Mr. McConroy?”

“Only the pretty ones,” he smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

She started laughing and Angelus thought it was the most enticing sound he had ever heard. “You are indeed a charmer, Mr. McConroy. If I may be so bold…?”

“You may.”

“Why is there not a Mrs. McConroy? A gentleman such as yourself should have amassed quite the number of prospects from the fairer sex.”

Angelus, seeing his opportunity, angled his body towards hers. “Perhaps it is because a man can only have ale for so long before he starts to long for a fine wine.”

He could hear her heart pounding in fear and excitement as their seemingly innocent conversation began to take a different turn. “But what if you’re not supposed to have the wine?” she breathed.

“That’s when it’s the sweetest.” His hand cupped her cheek and her eyes fluttered from the contact. “Look at me, Buff,” he commanded. “Look into my eyes.” Angelus knew he could have waited rather than jumping at the first opportunity to thrall her, but he was anxious to have her in his bed.

“You have pretty eyes.”

Angelus felt his eyebrows rise. You have pretty eyes? Angelus concentrated harder and Buffy flinched as he suddenly seemed to be scowling at her.

“What? Men can have pretty eyes,” she pouted slightly, thinking he was offended.

Angelus blinked. He surveyed her carefully, playing close attention not to let himself linger on her pouting pink lips. He didn’t understand how it was possible for her to resist his thrall. No one had ever resisted! The girl was obviously human. She smelled human. She had a heartbeat. What had gone wrong? His eyebrows knitted together as he ran through any and all explanations as to why his gift had failed him. He felt her warm hand press against his own.

“Angelus? Is something wrong?”

He recovered, wearing his signature smirk. “You think my eyes are pretty, do ye?”

Buffy fiddled with the sleeves of her dress looking anywhere but at him. “Yes, they resemble little pools of chocolate.” She felt his fingers lace through hers and looked down. She liked the way their hands fit.

“Now which one of us is the charmer here, Buff?” he watched her shiver as his fingers idly stroked hers.

“There you are!”

Buffy stood, withdrawing her hand from Angelus, completely missing his darkened expression. “Riley,” she said, her heart pounding heavily as though she’d been caught doing something terribly wicked.

“I have been searching all over for you, Bethie.”

He took her hand in his own, missing her subtle wince at the nickname she loathed. “Forgive me if I have caused distress. I only stepped out for a moment.”

“Your mother and father are looking for you. They –.” Riley stopped short when he saw movement behind Buffy. “Hello,” he said to the man who sat on the bench watching them unabashedly. “I do not believe we have met. I am Riley Finn, Elizabeth’s husband-to-be.”

“Oh, yes, the governor’s boy,” Angelus said, taking in the blue-eyed baby-faced boy with mocking eyes.

Although the sarcasm went completely over the boy’s head as he puffed out his chest and stood a little taller, Angelus smirk only grew when Buffy gave him a warning glare.

“Yes, yes, I am,” he said proudly.

“Riley, this is Mr. McConroy.”

Riley tensed slightly, something neither Angelus nor Buffy missed. “McConroy. You purchased the old Crawford Mansion.”

“Yes,” he confirmed, his eyes glinting slightly.

“Well, it was nice making your acquaintance, Mr. McConroy, but Elizabeth and I must be going.”

“Of course. Nice meeting you, Finn.” He turned his penetrating eyes to Buffy. He picked up her hand and gave her a lingering kiss that left her near breathless. “T’was a pleasure makin’ your acquaintance, Buffy.”

“Mr. McConroy,” she blushed.

Riley’s jaw clenched as he led Buffy away. But his annoyance over what he saw as a threat to his future wife was nothing compared to Angelus’ fury over Finn impeding the progress he had made.

“I do not trust that McConroy fellow,” he confided when they were of a safe distance away from him. Or so he thought. “He worries me.”

“Riley,” Buffy sighed. “Mr. McConroy is a nice man.”

“You know him well, then?”

“No. We only made acquaintance tonight.”

“Yet he already calls you Buffy.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. “Riley Finn, I do believe you are jealous.”

“Perhaps I am,” he admitted. “Do you find him attractive?”

Buffy blushed and lowered her eyes. “He is…agreeable. But it is you who will become my husband. Your name I will carry and your children I shall bear. Tell me once more why you are jealous?”

With a few well-executed words, Angelus could see Finn’s worries and inferiorities fade away. He leaned down and kissed her lips as carefully as if she were made of glass.

“Bethie?” he whispered, still holding her close.

“Yes?”

“If I asked you to do something, as your future husband, would you do it?”

Buffy tensed. Her small hands fisted the sides of his shirt as her mind twisted and turned over in itself. As her future husband, he could ask almost anything of her, and she was duty bound to obey. She trembled against him and swallowed the bile suddenly flooding her mouth. “Yes.”

“I wish for you to have no further contact with Mr. McConroy or any of his family.”

Buffy stepped back from him so that she could see into his eyes. “Riley, I have already told you that Mr. McConroy bears no threat to us.”

“But he does,” he argued. “Have you noticed the strange occurrences in our town?”

“Are you referring to Madeleine Archer?” Maddie Archer was two years younger than Buffy and had gone missing from her bed in the dead of night.

“Yes, as well as Rebekah Harte, Joshua Black, Edward Morton, Christine Adams, and countless others.”

“Riley, how do these unfortunate people pertain to you desiring distance between Mr. McConroy and myself?”

“They all vanished or perished inexplicably after McConroy, and his family took residence in the Crawford Mansion.”

“You are not suggesting…?” she gasped.

“There is something amiss about them. His sister is said to be touched in the mind, but there is more. She speaks in prophecies. Her husband, William, the poet, who may I say is not very good, he was seen with Rebekah Harte before she went missing. Then there is your new acquaintance. He never leaves the mansion during the day. He does not work and yet he attends every party and somehow amasses enough wealth to support his family. They have no servants or cooks. Their skin is unnaturally porcelain – must I go on?”

“Are you suggesting to me that Mr. McConroy, his sister and her husband may be…nefarious individuals?”

Riley smiled humorlessly. “Why does it frighten you to speak the word, Bethie? You once told me that what most would believe to be a monster, you see as a beast maintaining his nature.”

“I was referring to the work of Bram Stoker, Riley. Beasts exist, yes, but not of that sort, and certainly not amongst Mr. McConroy and his family.”

“You have always had faith in the most undeserving of creatures, Bethie.” He reached inside his trouser pocket and withdrew a silver cross on a chain.

“It’s beautiful.”

“I wish you to wear it whenever you leave the mansion.”

“Even in the sunlight?” she quipped.

“Even in the sunlight,” he answered, unaffected by her glibness. “All of the victims’ blood was drained through small punctures to the throat.”

Buffy paled as she gasped. “What? But you never said anything!”

“My father thought it was best that the families were not informed of this. It would lead to panic and at this time, the authorities have declared it a beast. Wear it. For me.”

“Okay,” she whispered, still struggling with the concept of the creatures she learned of as a child could truly exist beyond the pages of a novel.

Riley secured the cross around Buffy’s neck and exhaled in relief. “Now I believe we should find your parents. They can hardly fault a man for enjoying the company of his love.”

The couple left the garden arm in arm, completely oblivious to the heavy stare on their backs.

Angelus was beside himself with fury when the Finn’s and the Summers left the Hardy Mansion. He had covered his tracks and the tracks of his childe and grandchilde carefully. Yet, the Finn boy seemed to have linked all of their victims back to them. Although he tried his best to come across as noble and caring in Buffy’s eyes, the boy was far more concerned with her affections rather than her safety. The thought in itself caused a malicious smirk to befall his angelic features. They would have to be careful. Meticulous. One mistake and all would be lost. Nevertheless, Angelus would have Buffy Summers…even if he had to eviscerate every townsman to get her.

Angelus itched to relieve his fury and he knew just how to do it.

“Margaret, is it?” she was nothing. An aide in the Hardy household with the burden of a fatherless son. She was not remotely attractive, and her blood was not in the slightest appealing. But her polite smile and cautious eyes appeased him.

“Yes, sir.”

“I regret to bother you as I can see you are terribly busy, but I am afraid I require your assistance.”

“In what way, sir?” still so trusting.

“Come with me, please.”

Ah. There is the hesitation. “Very well, sir.”

He led her to a dark corner underneath the stairs hidden from the rest of the intoxicated socialites. “Ah, that’s better, isn’t it? Not complete privacy, but it should do for what I have in mind,” he said, letting his eyes drift over her, hoping to discomfort her. She predictably squirmed under his gaze, unaware that her used and aged body held no appeal for him.

“Sir, I…I should get back,” she stuttered, her heart pounding beautifully, forcing her blood to flow quicker through her arteries.

“Why not stay a while? After all, you did say you would help a fellow with his problem,” he purred, moving even closer to the frightful maid.

*“Sir, please, I should return to the party.”

*“Margaret, Margaret, there’s no hurry.”

She tried to pull away from him, hoping that someone might see. *“Mistress will be wondering…”

*“Sshh,” he cooed. “Mistress will be wondering how to get the good Reverend Chalmers into bed and will not notice the absence of canapé.” He stroked her chin for good measure, and she shuddered in spite of her fear. “Stay with me,” he urged.

Angelus could tell by her eyes that she was considering it. How could she not? A lowly maid, past her prime, receiving the attentions of the young and wealthy Mr. McConroy, a man that all women, be they married, betrothed, or divine worshippers, have attempted to lure into their beds.

*“Sir, people might talk,” she weakly protested. “I’ll be put out on the streets. My little boy would…I can’t lose this job,” she said, forgoing any thoughts she might have had about taking a chance with the beautiful Angelus McConroy.

Angelus, sensing her resolve, lost his temper. He grabbed her arms. *“Then you must keep quiet.”

*“You’re hurting me!” she said, speaking a little louder than she intended.

*“Ah! Cry out. Call for help. I’m sure Mistress will believe your behavior beyond reproach,” he sneered.

*“Please!” she gasped, wriggling in his embrace.

Angelus shook her roughly. *“Come, make a scene, huh?” he taunted. “Shall I?”

Margaret hesitated. *“No,” she whispered.

*“No, no. We’ll be as quiet as mice.”

Margaret lowered her head. Her shoulders sagged in defeat. If she closed her eyes and didn’t put up a fight, maybe it would be over soon. No one would believe her if she said their familiarity was forced.

Angelus could almost taste her defeat. His face shifted and when she looked back up at him, her fear and terror flooded his senses. *“No matter what.”

*“Sir!” she trembled, tears welling in her eyes. “My son!”

Good, he had almost forgotten. *“Oh, he’ll make a fine dessert, huh?”

He grabbed her, sinking his fangs into her throat before she could scream. He drained her quickly. She was unsatisfying and not at all fulfilling. He released her, letting her body fall carelessly to the floor. He tucked her away in the corner, knowing one of the other servants or perhaps her Mistress herself would find her. Angelus maneuvered around the intoxicated guests, following Margaret’s scent to the servant’s quarters. He found Margaret’s whelp sleeping in his bed. He was a boy of no more than seven years. His hair was curly like his mother's and a brighter shade of blonde. Margaret’s pallet lay positioned beside the boy’s bed. The boy clutched a worn brown bear that was missing its left eye. He was a beautiful child, clearly taking after his father. The boy opened his eyes and startling emerald green eyes met his own.

“Are you an angel?” he whispered.

His lips twitched as he fought the smirk that threatened to reveal itself. “An angel?”

“Mum says when it’s time an angel will come and take me to see my Da. Will you take me?”

He arranged the boy’s body in his bed and retrieved his mother, placing her on top of her pallet. From a distance, it would look as If they were merely sleeping. He returned to his mansion an hour before sunrise.

“Daddy, we saved her for you!” Drusilla called over the screams.

He strolled down to the “playroom” in the cellar. The room smelled of sex, blood, and fear. The young woman from the party, Harmony, was naked and railroad spikes had been driven through her hands and ankles, courtesy of William. Her legs and stomach were flayed, and Drusilla greedily lapped up her flowing blood.

William leaned against the wall, a pipe in his hand. “How did it go with the bird?”

Before he could answer, Harmony turned towards Angelus. Her face had been clawed, most likely by Drusilla, and her right eye hung out of its socket and lay limply against her cheek. “Mr. McConroy, help! Please help me!” she whimpered.

A cold smirk drifted on his lips as he played with her blood-soaked hair. “I could help you, Harmony, but you would have to do something for me first,” he taunted.

“Anything, anything.”

“Open your mouth.” A single tear fell from her good eye. She opened her mouth without hesitation. Angelus released his semi-hard cock and shoved it into her mouth. She choked and gagged as his hand knotted in her hair. “She resisted my thrall.”

William pushed off from his relaxed stance against the wall. “Resisted? How the bloody hell did she do that?”

“Gee, William, I have no idea. I’ll be sure to ask her next time,” he growled, shoving his entire length down Harmony’s throat.

“She’s not like the others,” Drusilla whispered. Her eyes were wide and unfocused. She was having a vision.

“What do you see, pet?”

Just as Harmony’s heart stopped beating, Angelus felt his seed spurt into her mouth. He pulled out, using her hair to clean himself off, smiling lightly as his seed and her blood dripped from her mouth.

“She was almost Called.”

“Called?”

“As in…?” Angelus had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“But the Powers…she was unworthy…innocent blood on her hands…now she is just a human.”

Angelus ran a hand through his hair, attempting to process what they had just learned. Buffy was meant to take the Calling. She was to be a Slayer, but she killed someone. The Powers deemed her unworthy and now she will never be a Slayer. But even though she didn’t have the Call, she was still equipped with the typical Slayer attributes. A mental block to resist the thrall. Possibly strength to fight against any demonic creature.

“Darla is going to kill you,” William snickered.

“Darla is too busy fucking Dracula to care what I do!”

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.”

Drusilla hunched over, moaning and hugging her stomach. William’s good mood faded quickly as he and Angelus flocked to her side protectively. “What do you see, Dru?”

“Bad man…bad man…bad man…”

“What bad man? What is he doing?” Angelus questioned her as she leaned against William.

“Touching…bad touch…bad touch…wants to keep her…wants to hurt her…!” she moaned.

Angelus growled deeply, startling his childe and grandchilde. “Hank Summers is a dead man. William, at first dark, I need you to do something for me.”

#writer appreciation #favorite blog and stories #my writing #asks #ask answered

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iamnightduchess · 3 years

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Is it just me or it's getting difficult to find theories and meta on this fandom esp in reddit without someone going "yes genocide is 100% the solution" and as someone who lives under duterte's regime whose followers echo the same sentiments it's getting kinda difficult to navigate through fandom space without seeing those uncomfortable takes

Hello dear Nonnie,

Don't worry, it's not you, it's actually the general consensus in Tumblr that almost all is against a genocidal overlord 😢 but, if we were to share our opinions & stances on that for SnK fandom specifically in all other socmed channels (Reddit, Twitter, FB, IG, YT), get ready to be mentally recked, stand corrected & sniped virtually on the spot. Their genocidal overlord can do no wrong & all the alliance members are ungrateful, idiots & dumbasses for working collectively to stop millions of people and the earth from dying.

I feel so sorry for the people who has this type of mindset: their ancestors, their families and themselves have not been born in a situation where they've been through oppression. Eldians are no different. They were the first oppressor, then now the oppressed and these readers strongly believes that the rest of the world deserves to be fucked up. Eldians in Marley & Eldians in Paradis are like two children that was forced apart and separated when their parents divorced (Fritz 145 & Tyburs/remaining Eldians in Marley). Yet both parents remarried to toxic partners who, also, instead of suggesting of working together for the children's future + greater good, used the children as weapons to attack the other side.

For people from multiracial countries or countries that have or is suffering a regime/administration run by a tyrant, it is always ingrained in us to strive for unity, peace, humanity & livelihood. We were told stories of not of our oppressors but of how us, the people work together to fight for our independence. All different races, we love each other & we want our country be a much better, peaceful safer place for our children. Thus why, Isayama's work hits us so damn much in our hearts. It hits too close to home. Genocide is never a solution. Because even if Eren succeeds & only the Islanders are left alive, bet you how long it'll take for the remaining humans to fight each other even if they're both from the same place, have the same blood. E.g Kiyomi reiterated this to Floch & before that, the Jeagerists were a prime example of what extremists would do.

I myself, is from a country like Marley, where we have asylum-seeking refugees and we are multiracial. We have differences without a doubt but instead of a melting pot, we are a salad bowl where we mixed together in harmony but still retains our unique cultural identity, faith & attributes with respect for each other. Even if you've been blessed enough to not have to go through all that oppression in history, it doesn't take a genius to appreciate all living beings. It's humanity. The world had treated Paradis as an evil entity but you fight hate with love. It's easier said than done, yes, but you and I, we're both living proofs (like Ackermans & Azumabitos!) in the real world that peace has to be fought through unity, empathy, compassion and not violence or mass killings.

They said, the Eldians in Marley have thrown them under the bus but Niccolo & Onyankopon are amazing examples that the rest of the world can coexist with Paradis, but you have to be patient, work hard at it & you need time. My country managed to achieve our independence in 1957 because of our first Prime Minister's efforts; he has a globalist mentality like Armin has. What he did was if Armin goes to Marley to table a thick binder detailing our constitution proposals for an alliance/truce with Paradis. He believes in humanity & he united all races under one country name & constitution. It has been done in reality. (But some people just want to see the world burn)

Oh but no, their genocidal overlord doesn't have much time, (he's dying in four years!) & he feels genocide is the only solution. This is why I agree with Reiner when he said that the Founding couldn't have gone to a much worst person. OG Ymir & Eren are proof that tremendous powers would destroy worlds if they're given to children whose thinking have not fully developed & mature to be logical & objective. (I also want to share my grievances on OG!Ymir. I used to sympathize with her but the moment she got the powers & she went back to offer herself again as the tyrant King's slave, my sympathy just went down the toilet. She was a classic victim who has Stockholm Syndrome & she allowed herself to be manipulated by an abusive man just because she needed to be validated when she has this God-like powers. She should've killed that evil king from the beginning & ally with Marley. Yet now, she's using Eren as a tool/vessel to fuck the whole world up for her own mistake that she made.) also, these people are in denial that the MC/hero can do no wrong. That's the beauty of Isayama's writing: he flipped the table with Reiner as the MC and these people lose their minds. What if he always wanted the story to start with Eren but ends with Reiner?

Thus why, you can only still find a more positive environment that are more 'sound', 'sane' & 'humane' only here in Tumblr. However, I've also personally noticed the sudden appearance of new Tumblr accounts of these toxic members from other channels, sending unsavory asks & commenting with unsavory phrases on mutuals & some of the top posts on my page 😂

Hang in there, Nonnie. It's hard to voice out the truth sometimes but as long as you keep on breathing, you shouldn't stop fighting for humanity's survival just like the alliance!

People can disagree with our opinions but I drew the line at genocide & mass killings. Period. Even criminals have a legislation & justice system before they are ruled out for execution. Eren is a child that's been given the most dangerous powers. His own version of freedom is twisted & skewed. The Alliance is willing to die first, fighting for the world's humanity's survival than living peacefully (really? With the Jeagerists own regime?) in Paradis at the expense of the bloods shed and lives lost by millions around the world.

I'm so sorry for this barrage of texts, Nonnie. I get very emotional when those who supports genocide shits on the humanitarian's principles. You can't also be in other channels without getting brain damage of the 'genocide is right/the only way' sentiments. We can't control what other people posts but the only thing we can, is: how we react to them.

I hope Tumblr could still be a positive safe space if I can help it!

xoxo

Thank you for the Ask! ☀️ Take care & stay safe ❤️

#asks #textposts #anonymous #snk opinions #personal opinions #aot opinions

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seasonsofchange · 4 years

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you say you will leave the spn fandom because of all the toxicity and then you go around and reblog stuff with your positivity shtick. that's being more than passive-agressive. and fake. i guess you're just not capable of expressing any opinion of your own except that you liked the finale. and you're obsessed with the winchesters. because fuck cas right?

Lol, okay. I just about had it. I'm gonna answer this one and then I'm gonna turn off the anon asks, close my inbox. Listen, I really don't need to justify myself to any of you for having an opinion, but here we are. Once you all read this, please do me a favor and block me or unfollow if you disagree or want to fight more. Firstly – I said that I'm thinking about staying of tumblr for a while, and in the tags I've mentioned that I'm thinking about blacklisting the Supernatural tag because of all the negativity and toxicity. In the end I didn't, because guess what – I don't come to tumblr only for Supernatural stuff. Secondly – my positivity shtick? What the hell. I mentioned that in one tag (I actually had to go look for it), and it meant that I'm keeping the positive things I pulled or got from the finale and keeping it to myself. It is MY positivity. I didn't try to force it on anyone. Thirdly – I'm obsessed with the Winchesters. ... I don't even know how to answer this one. I am not obsessed with them, I have a Winchester preference, if you want to name it that way. I like Cass as a character, I do. And I love Misha. I just connected with the Winchesters more and that's my personal choice. I have faves in every show or movie I watch. In Supernatural, Sam and Dean are my faves. I have never said and will never say „fuck Cass“. I do not hate his character for fucks sake. And yeah, I am not a Destiel shipper so I'm not as invested in him or his connection to Dean as some of the people are, but that does not mean I was happy when he died or whatever else has happened to him throughout the show. On the matter of my opinion, fine. Here you go: I liked 15x19, even though the solution for dealing with God was a bit silly to me and maybe just... too easy? But hey, it happened and I liked the aftermath of it and the boys saying to him: You will grow old and you will be forgotten. Because that's a popular opinion in the old tales and myths etc., that that is the reason why there aren't any gods anymore. It's also basically in canon of the show? Remember the Paris Hilton episode? Remember the episode with all the other gods when Gabriel dies? Yeah. The thing with Jack being a power vacuum was messy because it wasn't really set up well, but it kind of worked. I've dealt with that and moved on. The finale – yes, I liked it. It made me really emotional to the point of ugly crying. I'm glad it did. One of my fears for the finale was that I just wouldn't get it or feel it and that this huge thing that has been a part of my life for the last 10+ years will just leave me feeling nothing. Luckily that did not happen. I've always had two ways the show could end in my head: 1. Sam and Dean being a sort of mentor figures to other hunters, like Bobby was to them. But still doing hunts, and basically riding off into the sunset in the Impala – because they have work to do. 2. Heaven ending. Yep. I was kind of leaning towards this one just because of everything that has happened in the show. There was no way that they both survive the final showdown and get to live happily ever after (even though they deserve it), but they would get to know peace in Heaven and finally be free. We kind off got a mix of both of these points, with them riding off into the sunset at the end of 15x19, and with them ending up in Heaven in 15x20. Some points I've seen thrown around I'm going to address so you can get my opinion as wanted. 1. Dean didn't deserve this ending Yeah, that is the whole fucking point. He did not deserve it and he got it anyway. Because that is just how life works sometimes. It's sudden and unexpected and it really isn't fucking fair. Just because we all love Dean and wanted better to him does not mean he would get it. He got to die by Sam's side, in the arms of someone he loves most in the world, his little brother and he got to say his peace. He was scared but he wasn't alone and he got to say his goodbye. Would I've liked it that both him and Sam got to grow old? Yes. Of course I would! Who wouldn't? But I also really understand this ending for him too. He died in a silly way. I'm sorry, but shall we count how many times they all could have died in an instant when they lose their weapons, get knocked over or pushed or whatever? We got a whole fucking episode about the sudden ways Dean can die (Mystery Spot) and we are still surprised that this could actually happen? It was sudden and unexpected and that was the whole point. One wrong thing happens and you are gone. And this time there is no one to heal you and bring you back because that is what life is. 2. Sam's ending I get this too. Dean made Sam promise, and Sam kept his promise. The woman was not seen properly, it wasn't Eileen etc etc. Also – that was the point. We got little flash-moments of his life to see that he lived it, he kept his promise to Dean. I understand people who are upset it wasn't done well (that wig was really atrocious) or that his wife wasn't Eileen, but I also understand the decision to not put focus on anything but Sam and his son. Concerning both their endings – people are saying – stupid endings because this is what the boys have always wanted or feared and it was exactly what they got. I get even that. What happened to Dean could have happened to him 10 years down the road. It could have happened to Sam. It could not have happened at all. It could have happened so that they both die on the same hunt. But the ending thought is this – they would always be reconnected in Heaven. The long or the short way round would always end up in the same place and this time we got what we got. The thought that they ended up in Heaven with everyone else, that's what counts the most for me. 3. This is a stupid ending Not for me. This is coming back full circle for me. I've read more than one time that this kind of ending negates everything they have done, but I respectfully disagree. They have done a lot. They saved so many people. They won a fight against God and ultimately saved the Earth and made it so that everyone had free will. That is fucking huge and so important and such a big legacy to leave behind, even though basically no one knows about it. And them ending up how they did does not make everything they have achieved any less important. Who they've saved, killed, loved, lost – this ending doesn't make it any less important or stupid. Not for me. 4. They didn't pay homage to any other character on the show ... but they did? At the end of 15x19? I mean, yeah, maybe they could have put Cass or Jack or Donna or Jody at the ending too, or whoever else you want to name, but they didn't. Why? Because ultimately this was a story about two brothers against the world. I understand that decision too, and actually I love it because we got to focus on them for the finale. Do I agree with everything in this season – no. Some things could have been done better. The writing was choppy at times and some things didn't make sense and yes, they could have mentioned stuff and people... But there are worse seasons that this last one, so that's saying a lot. In conclusion - I am allowed to have my opinion. I am allowed to love something even though someone else really hates it. I am even allowed to dislike or hate something that makes someone else really happy. Except I don't go around attacking people in their inboxes for hating on something I love and vice versa, I don't put my anger about a certain ending or a character arc onto others just to feel better. That's being a shitty human. And Supernatural, and so many many many other shows have thought us to not do that. Instead they've taught us (or tried) to be better, do better, to be compassionate and kind. I urge you to do that. Next time you want to rant and accuse and shit all over someone, I kindly ask you to take a breather and think about it, think about what you are doing to others and to yourself. And do better. That's all I have to say. Take care of yourselves everyone. Be kind.

#supernatural #spn finale #i cannot believe i wrote 1500 words about this #but this is also the last thing i'll write about this #if you disagree please unfollow me or block me #it will make both our lives much easier #thanks!

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acoupleofbravedorks · 4 years

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For the Future of Dragons and Vikings

Soooo... I’ve had this ficlet sitting in my docs for... a while now. I had meant to have it uploaded on New Years, something hopeful for the fandom going forward... but then I never posted... nor did I post it on Hiccup’s birthday which was a bit of a missed opportunity. Part of it was because it felt... rough, like it needed polish, but I couldn’t bring myself to get back to it. However, with today being the tenth anniversary of this wonderful franchise, this wonderful film... well, figured it was about time to get this dumb thing out into the world. Hope yall like it.

Oh, just a heads up, this is gonna be a bit canon divergent from THW.

It had been a few days since Snoggletog, the first Snoggletog the Berkians had since they’ve arrived on their new island home. Up atop the balcony of his still new home, Hiccup took in the sight of his village before taking a deep breath of air as he tried to get his mind off of the things that bothered him. New Berk had been coming along nicely, with only a couple places still needing a proper door or some shingles for their roofs. The Vikings who now called this island home were happy for the most part, some of the older ones still drunk from merriment of the holiday while the younger ones made the most of the considerable snowfall in some rather inventive ways. However, even as he tried to get lost in what he saw, Hiccup still felt like something was missing-or, rather, someone who he wished was still here.

His mind went back a few months, to when they only just been on what would become New Berk for a few days, most of the buildings he saw now not even existing as a thought on anyone’s mind yet, and the snow that currently covered the land was nowhere to be found, leaving only a sea of green. It seemed so peaceful in hindsight, Hiccup mused, which made it seem almost impossible that the final battle against Grimmel and the Warlords who had only taken place that same day. Hiccup and his tribe achieved victory, they managed to save the dragons, but nearly at the cost of his life as well as that of his best friend. In that moment, it seemed clear that they-no, he could not keep Toothless and the rest of dragonkind with them, that they needed to disappear. Toothless seemed to agree, and after one last moment together, the Night Fury motioned for the dragons to leave…

In that moment, something unexpected, something borderline miraculous happened.

While a plenty of the dragons flew off, some towards the hidden world and others towards who knows where, there were just as many that seemed to refuse to go. Many of them were the dragons that had been with the tribe since the defeat of the Red Death, had been with them through thick and thin. When Astrid took off Stormfly’s saddle and urged her to follow the rest, the dragon simply nudged her and took it back in her jaws, insisting on staying with her. Meanwhile, Hookfang simply smacked Snotlout with his jaw when he attempted to remove his own saddle before staying close, not intending on flying off either. Even Gobber’s dragon, Grump, got up only to lay atop and trap the older viking underneath, while Cloudjumper simply watched the other dragons for a moment before tilting his head back to Valka, the call of the wild paling in comparison to the bond that he shared with her. As the minutes went on and the number of dragons that were leaving dwindled, Toothless looked on, seeming to almost reconsider before Hiccup took the chance to wrap his arms around and give him one last squeeze. He meant to comfort his best friend, but it ended up helping him just as much. When he let go, Toothless gave him one last look back before taking off, slowly disappearing into the sunset, the light seeming to follow as night took hold and the stars started to speckle the sky.

Content as Hiccup was to be lost in his memories, the sound of a dragon landing behind him managed to catch his attention. Turning around, Hiccup saw a familiar blue and yellow nadder touch down before the dragon’s rider hopped off. He could see in her movements that she had just finished a dragon race, what with that confident sway in her steps being a bit more noticeable, and a slight shiver as the rush of victory was still coursing through her veins. This, along with a rather playful smirk on her face as she made eye contact with him, was all telling him what just happened while he was mentally away. Still, he always made it a point to ask what happened anyway when he had the chance, he just wouldn’t get the opportunity this time.

“There you are!” Astrid started, a bit more bounce in her step as she got closer still. “I was wondering what you were up to. I didn’t see you at the race, what’s up?”

“Oh, well…” Feeling like he was caught off guard, Hiccup scrambled to say something, a very clear stutter before he found some proper words. “Sorry I missed it, just was… busy.”

“Busy with what?” She asked, swinging her arms behind her back before she held them together, getting closer still with only a few feet separating the two at this point.

“I was just thinking… thinking about Toothless.” He let out a sigh, his thoughts pouring back in. “It’s weird, doing this without him. I never imagined doing all… this.” Hiccup gestured to the village, seeing juvenile dragons and viking kids playing together, while their elders ate and celebrated in their own ways… Hiccup silently thanked Odin that the dragons never developed a taste for mead and ale. “At least, not on my own, especially not after he became the alpha and I became chief. I’m still trying to make a better world for both dragons and vikings, but sometimes, it feels too much to bear on my own. I know I can’t do anything about it, and he’s probably happy out there, but… sometimes I wish he would just come back.”

“Hiccup...” Astrid took another step, lowering herself a little as his gaze started to drift down and away. “I know it hurts to go on without him, but… remember what I said, before we rescued the dragons that day?” She brought a hand under his chin, gently bringing his face up so blue eyes could meet green. “That he only helped bring out what made you… you? Made it easier for you to do that? I wasn’t kidding when I said that, and I know you can make the world a better place. Besides…”

Hiccup’s eyes stayed locked on her, the whole world seeming to fade out as his focus was solely on her. “You’re not alone. You know Stormfly and I got your back, and you know the other riders will help too, even if Snotlout and the twins still like to cause some trouble for you every now and again.” He couldn’t help but let a smile tug at his lips, especially when he saw a heartwarming grin on her expression. “We have something amazing with the dragons here, and it’s all thanks to what you and Toothless have done. In a way, he’s still here with us.”

“I guess he is, isn’t he?” A soft snort left Hiccup's nose before he looked back to the village. He felt like Toothless would be happy to see how the dragons were doing now… and part of him could still imagine a black mass bounding between buildings and running off with some fresh caught cod. Holding Astrid close, he felt better about going forward, feeling as though the future was going to be bright. “Thank you, I… I really needed that.” “Mmmmm… I know.” The blonde smiled, content to stay in his arms and wrapping hers around him in return.

#Astrid Hofferson #Astrid #Hiccup #Toothless #Stormfly #The other riders even if they don't play a biiiig role here #Happy 10th anniversary!#HTTYD #How to Train Your Dragon

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rahorak · 4 years

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POSITIVES & NEGATIVES.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

tagged by: @vulpesse & @starthieve way back. Tysm guys! tagging: @moonaspect, @finalwhispers, @voidsought, @shikaal / @hansokus, @luxcnna, @silkbladed, @multimoose, @twstfate, @fireblamed.

MUSE.

MY MUSE IS: canon / oc / au / slightly canon-divergent / fandomless / complicated.

IS YOUR CHARACTER POPULAR IN THE FANDOM? YES / NO.

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED HOT™ IN THE FANDOM? YES / NO / IDK.

IS YOUR CHARACTER CONSIDERED STRONG IN THE FANDOM? YES / NO / IDK.

ARE THEY UNDERRATED? YES / NO / IDK.

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN STORY? YES / NO.

WERE THEY RELEVANT FOR THE MAIN CHARACTER? YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

ARE THEY WIDELY KNOWN IN THEIR WORLD? YES / NO.

HOW’S THEIR REPUTATION? GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

HOW STRICTLY DO YOU FOLLOW CANON? —

Very little of my portrayal of Leona is canon. I’ve kept some aspects like her being an Aspect, her background with Diana & such but her personality & what happened on Mount Targon, in my interpretation, is rather different from canon. My Leona is softer, & her stance with the Lunari is neutral rather than offensive —— a big part of my Leona’s character is her desire to make peace with the Lunari after many years of fighting.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals. —

Beeftower with a heart of gold. Leona is definitely the friendly giant, she is caring & nurturing to those around her & her smile can light up a whole room. She is a loving friend & partner who puts others before herself & always is looking for ways to improve the lives of her followers, the Solari. Will kick a butt to save those she cares about, which admittedly, is a lot of people. If you want a literal ray of sunshine in your life, she is just what you need.

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?). —

Leona’s biggest flaw is perhaps her stubbornness. Once she has set her mind to something, she will stop at nothing to achieve it. She has trained her entire life & had little hardships in the process, leaving her somewhat unable to fully emphasize with those who have gone through hardships, no matter how hard she tries to understand them.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO RP YOUR MUSE? —

Moon did! We were joking around one evening about how lore had done Leona a massive disservice & what do you know, the next morning I had a Leona blog. It always goes like that tbh but I am so grateful for it because idk where I would be right now if I hadn’t made this blog. Writing Leona has done so much good for me as a person & I love & adore her.

WHAT KEEPS YOUR INSPIRATION GOING? —

Redbull. Looots of Redbull. I’m serious I drink too much of that nasty stuff just to stay awake sdjkshkjsd anyways, summery stuff like lemonade, fruits & stuff is what I snack on to stay in the mood for Leona. I listen to some gay ass music sometimes as well, but I prefer to keep it very low volume if not sit in complete silence when I write for her. But yeah summery things & scents is a big one. I don’t think I could go for long writing her without those things.

MUN.

DO YOU THINK YOU GIVE YOUR CHARACTER JUSTICE? YES / NO / I SINCERELY HOPE I DO?

DO YOU FREQUENTLY WRITE HEADCANONS? YES / NO / SORT OF?

DO YOU SOMETIMES WRITE DRABBLES? YES / NO.

DO YOU THINK A LOT ABOUT YOUR MUSE DURING THE DAY? YES / NO.

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR PORTRAYAL? YES / NO / SORT OF?

ARE YOU CONFIDENT IN YOUR WRITING? YES / NO / A LITTLE BIT.

ARE YOU A SENSITIVE PERSON? YES / NO / SORTA.

DO YOU ACCEPT CRITICISM WELL ABOUT YOUR PORTRAYAL? —

I like to think that I try to be very reasonable with criticism in general, but I must admit that due to my mental health issues mostly, I am not always very good at doing just that. I have to be in a very specific headspace to receive it well & if I’m not there then I simply just can’t take it well. If I am, though, then I will sometimes even ask for it! But yeah it depends a lot on the day.

DO YOU LIKE QUESTIONS, WHICH HELP YOU TO EXPLORE YOUR CHARACTER? —

Yes! Though I may be slow at replying to curious anons / people in general it always warms my heart when someone wants to know more about my Leona.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES TO A HEADCANON OF YOURS, DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? —

Sure, I would rather have a healthy discussion about the headcanon than someone feeling like it should be different & sitting with that feeling without a chance to discuss it with me. All I ask is that we be reasonable. Who knows, I could even end up changing the HC if I like what the other person is saying.

IF SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOUR PORTRAYAL, HOW WOULD YOU TAKE IT? —

I would probably redirect them to the longest standing Leona blog ( Hi @ask-leona ❤ ) & if they didn’t like either of our portrayals, I don’t really know what else you’d want from this character? We both write her rather differently. As for how I would take it personally, I would be sad ofc, since I pour so much of myself into this character. Though, I’d remember that for each person who doesn’t like her, there are plenty who do & that warms my heart to think about.

IF SOMEONE REALLY HATES YOUR CHARACTER, HOW DO YOU TAKE IT? —

I’d say it’s their loss!

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PEOPLE POINTING OUT YOUR GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? —

Yes, so long as it doesn’t come from a place of malice. English is not my native language & I am mostly self taught so there are bound to be mistakes.

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE EASY GOING AS A MUN? —

I didn’t use to be, but now I can proudly say that I am! Really, I try very hard to be at least. I have my shy moments & I do have some issues keeping up with conversations but it is never a malicious thing if I don’t respond to someone. I just don’t always have many spoons a day, if you will. I try to be as nurturing as Leona is, & it makes me happy to interact with the rest of the fandom the way I do.

#⊰ ` ✦ » ooc / the idiot lesbian has arrived. ⊱#this took forever but it was fun!

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esepoimipullula · 3 years

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So, there’s this reply to that “do you ever read you friend’s writing and you wonder why they even put up with you” post, about how that’s an unhealthy attitude that will only hurt both you and your friend, even if you pass it off as a joke. About how you should try to better your writing because you love writing and it gives you joy and improving makes you feel proud, not because you keep comparing yourselves to others or because you’ve been told you can’t be too confident in your achievements and now think hating everything you create is the way to improve when it’s really just a way to both destroy your self-esteem and make creating unnecessarily difficult. And the thing is, I agree with it. The wording feels a bit harsh to me, but I’m kind of an oversensitive softie, and I suppose people do need a good kick in the pants once in a while. And I really do agree.

I think love is fundamental, and if you don’t love writing or what you write, you should either stop or take a good, long pause to figure out if you can love it, again or at all. I write because I love it. Or at least, I feel something close to love for it. I don’t really think about it. Sometimes a sentence, a description or a line of dialogue or a simile or anything else, pops into my mind out of the blue and I’m like either, “Oh, what is that? Who or what is it about? Where do is it lead me?” or “Yes, that’s it, hold that until a less ungodly hour/a moment when I’m free to try and do something with it or at the very least write it down.” Sometimes I’m watching or reading or doing something and my brain says, “Yeah, but you know what would be cool? If this thing happened to these characters!”, and the thing that should totally happen to the characters may or may not be related in any way to the thing I’m watching or reading or doing. And sometimes I have a sudden craving for a certain story or character or scene, or a want that has built up through years, but of course I know I won’t find any piece of fiction that fits my tastes exactly and precisely and because I don’t know any writers who happen to be mindreaders and I’m not about to become the kind of prompter who feeds the plot almost line by line to the unlucky writer their asking for a story, so in the end I go, “You know what? This is actually a very good idea and it’s a shame no one has written it yet so I’ll just do it myself!” And sometimes I feel frustrated or unsatisfied or irritated or even just a little too frantic and in too deep to actually feel any love or joy or anything else while I’m writing rather than when I take a step back to reread and edit what I’ve written, but I wouldn’t trade all those other “sometimes” I’ve just mentioned for anything in the world. And honestly, I wouldn’t do it even with these less pleasant “sometimes,” as much as I like to complain or joke or jokingly complain about them. Because they are all part of what makes me me and the idea of ever giving them up, even for some relative peace of mind, feels as absurd and unnecessary as the idea of consciously trying to change my tastes in food or music or fiction or jokes or pets --- I can only guess at where some things come from, so how would I even go about upturning or taking away things that feel almost more like instinct than anything else? And why would I ever wish to? And I don’t think I’ve never been in romantic love, I’m not even sure if I know how that’s really supposed to feel like or work out, but this is kind of love I know. The kind of love I feel for my family and my friends, who all have annoying, stupid habits because that’s what people do and I’m sure they find my habits annoying and stupid, too, and that’s fine, and the kind of love I feel for our cat, who yells at me when he’s hungry and scratches me when we play and bullies the neighbour’s overly friendly, peace-loving dog and does a lot other things that made me fear and wonder, “Oh, god, what if the novelty of having a cute little cat all for ourselves wears off after a while and we don’t want him anymore and we become one of those families that take in a pet and change its whole life only to immediately give it back and give it trust issues in the process because they’re not actually fit to have a pet” before we’d actually gotten him but now they’re just part of him and you’ll have to fistfight each and every one of us in a parking lot if you try and take him away from us. That’s the kind of love I have for writing, and even if it’s not always joy, and sometimes it’s annyoing or irritating or no more pleasant than merely, simply breathing, what does the unpleasantness or the lack of enthusiasm really matter? Nothing, or at least, very little. It’s my love, I can only guess where it really comes from, it’s always with me and I can’t imagine it ever going away, and you can fight me in the aforementioned parking lot.

And I think it’s this love that allows me to... not quite be carefree about my writing, but something a bit like that. What do comments and reviews and kudos matter, if my love expresses itself through fandoms most people don’t even think can be considered as fandoms or themes nobody but me thinks or cares about? Sure, validation and compliments and people genuinely enjoying what I create make me feel great and may even warm my heart, depending on how much thought and effort I put into a particular work or how long I’ve wished to be able to find other people interested in a certain fandom, but they’re not my reason for writing or even something I really need -- I’ll keep doing my thing whether I get a hundred kudos and fifty comments or only three views. I did use to compare myself unfavorably to other writers and despair over all the ways I found myself inferior and lacking, but then I realized... what good is wishing I could be as good as someone else, or even someone else altogether, if my writing is part of me, stems from who I am? What influence on me could another writer’s success and the methods and techniques used to reach that success even have? I should strive to satify myself while doing what I want, to become as good as I can be according to my standards and through the methods and techniques that work for me. I can take what I like and analyse it and try to make it mine and incorporate it in my style and my ideas, there’s nothing wrong with that and it’s a good way to broaden my horizons and challenge myself and improve my work and love writing even more, but in the end, I can’t be anyone but myself --- and I may have lots of flaws, but in the end, there’s nothing fundamentally wrong with that. Actually, there is some joy, and even pride, in that. And so, I reread my old works and see them with new, more charitable eyes, remembering the fun and the satisfaction and the need to write precisely that specific thing, pushing aside the old doubts that gave me nothing but endless nitpicking and rewriting and saying, “You know? Maybe my use of em dashes wasn’t actually as overbearing and cringy as I thought, maybe I should start using them a bit more freely again.” I reread my new works and tell myself, “Fuck it, of course I enjoy this and I am actually a bit proud of it, I wrote it for myself, according to my own tastes and following my own inspiration and putting as much effort and care into it as I thought it needed!”

I still have doubts and fears like everyone else, but they’re more along the lines of, “I know I can write better than this, so why am I not doing it right now? What is the problem here?!” or “I love and care and believe so much in this idea and I want to be good enough to do it justice and make sure it’ll make me feel perfectly satisifed and proud with the final result”, than “Everybody is doing the thing I feel is my thing better than me” or “I’ll never be this other writer I admire.” My writing blocks are usually more about getting stuck in the middle of a work while struggling to find the right words to put the exact feelings and actions I have in my mind on the page precisely as I’ve imagined them (”No, thats not it! There’s something missing and I can’t go on until I find out what it is! The words here don’t sound right!”), or struggling to find the Right Words to start a new project at all because I still have to work on internalizing that perfectionism is the enemy and a first draft is meant to be changed and corrected and maybe even kind of suck even if rationally I understand both concepts, or having Something Big in mind but knowing I usually just follow the flow of my ideas until it dries up and feeling my best works really come from truly getting lost into it and then worrying about how difficult Building An Actual Plot Like A Rational Person will be, or having scenes or even whole stories feels just so complete in my head that laboring to get them out of it feels like doing the same exact work twice for nothing (which isn’t true, but tell it to my brain), or just... not being able to start or go on or even end even if I have everything from ideas to motivation ro the right, relaxed but willing and driven state of mind, for some reason. Or, like, utterly dumb stuff like, “This paragraph will only make me feel good if I manage to get the lines to align in this specific way without changing the meaning or ruining the tone and atmosphere, so I will now modify it four or five times until I get it right even if I know this doesn’t make any sense.”

Except... there’s this friend. Her writing is the kind that uses a scant amount of sharp, essential words to tell whole worlds made of unsaid things, so soft they make you feel like you’re inside a dream or so harsh they're like a punch in the gut but always so clever and full that you always feel you’re always missing somthing, you just aren’t smart enough to figure it out. I have to make a conscious effort not to compare them to my works, because then mine feel overwrought and overdramatic, childish and naive.

And I know, believe me I know, that despite how much of yourself ends up in your writing, despite how much your writing can be a part of yourself, skill as a writer is not synonymous with worth as a person. You can be a good and/or succesful writer and be a complete shithead, and thinks like kindness and open-mindedness will always be fundamentally more important than the ability to string words together in a pleasing manner. But she’s kind (perhaps kinder than I deserve, because I know sometimes I can be a real dick), and open-minded, and sweet in her own way, and brave, and confident, and so smart and cultured, and sharp, and funny, and interesting, and she seems to understand people a lot better than I do. And even when we’re just chatting, I’m not always sure I understand every layer to everything she says, I’m not sure I can keep up with her wit and her mind. The confidence I feel while writing evaporates and I feel slow and shallow and boring and dumb and wonder why she puts up with me, how she hasn’t realised she could be talking to her people more like her yet.

The worst thing is, it’s not even her doing anything to make me feel like this and I know it too well. I don’t even think she knows, and I hope she never finds out. She’s not just kind to me, but affectionate and supportive, and in a honest and genuine way, and I know it’s irrational and stupid to think I might have tricked her into behaving like that with me, or that she’s not being sincere, or that she just doesn’t care enough to take a good look at me and find out what my brain thinks is the truth. I know it would be hurtful and ungrateful to tell her.

I also know she’s not perfect, because no one is. She has her flaws, too, and sometimes she says things that make me roll my eyes or sigh in frustration. There are some things I know more about than her, too. And we don’t even live near each other so I’ve never even met her in person, so I know if that happened at one point, I’d probably find out a bunch of annoying things about her.

But when she compliments my writing, sometimes my brain either shortcircuits for a moment or starts coming up with all kinds of bullshit like, “She’s just saying that because you’re friends and she’s a very supportive person. You’re pretty much the only one writing for this ship, so this is more like when you’re desperate enough to run fics in Russian and Chinese through Google Translate and you still leave kudos even though half of it came out as gibberish. It’s like when you read something you know is actually not well-written or well-plotted at all just for a certain specific character or trope in it, she’s just the type who doesn’t believe in guilty pleasures. She’s using a very happy and pleased tone but that doesn’t mean anything on the internet, almost everything here is hyperbole anyway so her actual reaction must have been a lot more lukewarm.” And when she writes to me or says she enjoys talking to me, sometimes my brain will go, “That’s great and I appreciate it! ... but seriously, why.”

*sigh* I guess that’s another thing I’ll have to try and work on this year. Being more open about what I feel -- at least on a sideblog read by only *checks* fourteen people, none of whom are the friend in question or any friends we have in common or any of my regular internet friends at all -- instead of keeping everything bottled up inside at all times is another one, apparently. Let’s see if it’ll really make me feel lighter.

#personal #rant #please don't reblog #might delete later

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erenthecoordinate · 5 years

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Eren’s Possible Endgame

For the whole of this arc, Eren’s motivations have been a mystery to much of the fandom. His words speak of freedom for the people in Paradis, while his actions provoke an all-out war charged by the rest of the world’s advanced forces. We’ve learned that Zeke’s big intention for getting himself and the Coordinate together was to rewrite Eldian DNA so they may never create future generations, a method to prevent their race from suffering any more harm from the oppressive world they reside. Eren has been aware of this since his first meeting with Yelena, and counsels with Zeke in Marley to enact this plan. Eren’s words to Zeke are everything he wants to hear. Mass genocide of their own race is the only path to freedom.

Or at least, Zeke and his followers seem to think so. But does Eren, one that had once vocalized the value of freedom is granted to those who are born into the world, that life and living are the only way to be free, that fighting to break those chains that others cast upon them will obtain that goal, really believe in Zeke’s solution? Is forcibly preventing future generations from carrying on their race’s existence the only way for them to be released from their figurative and literal slavery?

[If you want to skip the grueling hard work I put about an hour into because I’m getting tired of having to repeat this, like, all the time, every chapter, I have an in-summary at the end.]

I think when we visit the core of Eren’s morality, he certainly harbors a great deal of resentment to the situation he was placed in. He values his freedom, of course, and he’ll fight tooth and nail to obtain that. But with new knowledge, he’s learned that while what exists beyond the ocean is his enemy, the ones who are truly to blame are those who pass on their fears, their anger, their hate to their children, so that they may continue planting the seeds that keep the cycle of oppression spinning. It’s an inevitable happening. There is no way to stop it so long as people are ingrained with this mindset. Eren understands this, and that people cannot help if the environment they live in affects their ideas of other people. The world is cruel like that. He is no exception, of course.

That said, how can Eren commit the act of involving casualties of war, of any demographic, and deprive the choice of others to bring new life in the world, to force Eldians to die off? And if that’s not the case, what do his actions plan to achieve?

Chapter 118’s typeset recently released and while it’s no official translation, the context of the dialogue isn’t difficult to misinterpret. The chapter, among previous ones that question Eren’s motives, indicate that much of what Eren is doing is being forced upon him. Why else would Eren even agree to enact the Rumbling and genocide their own race? Armin, finally, persuades the 104th that the Eren they know wouldn’t do this. The decision was not Eren’s to make. Essentially, since many have presumably been consuming Zeke’s spinal fluid, it isn’t hard to imagine that there was an ultimatum here. I’ve mentioned this previously that this might be the case that explains why Eren so easily cooperated with Zeke and dragged his friends into a surprise-attack battle. I think Armin’s suppressed laugh in ch116 is his reaction to the concept, that there is no way Eren would actually agree to this.

Eren is, however, adamant about initiating contact with Zeke to do-- something. I think a lot of what was mentioned in terms of the Rumbling, the manipulation of DNA, the war of the worlds, Paths, etc. will come into play in the final climax, and I believe Eren’s intentions are to commit the small scale devastation with the payoff being a temporary “world peace.” Yeah, peace. Not just restricted to Eldians, this will involve everyone.

Basically, my theory is that the Rumbling is going to happen. Throughout the story, much of what Armin speculates using his logic, not personal feelings, tends to be right. He guesses that Eren will use the Coordinate to effectively destroy the world’s military forces that will arrive at their doorstep, using the wall titans in Shingangina to pose a warning and protect the island from attacks until they are able to fend for themselves. Only Eren can call upon any orders, be it awakening the Wall Titans, sterilizing the population, or both.

There is a fear that Eren is rage-filled enough to wipe out the entire world if he willed it. He says so himself that he is capable of destroying everyone. But Armin recalling Eren’s words when he first sees the ocean, that if they kill their enemies, they may be free, emphasizes the keyword enemies. He brings it up before he transforms in Liberio. However, in his conversation with Reiner prior, he admits that he thought everyone on the other side of the ocean were his enemies, then realized when living among them and experiencing their environment, that they were the same as anyone else.

Anyone can look like a bad guy. Anyone can look like a hero. There is empathy for those he once saw as “the enemy.” But it’s clear that “the enemy” is not the world, but those that oppress people’s freedoms. He has had this philosophy since he was young, but ending the world isn’t a viable option like killing the kidnappers were in his eyes-- in fact, despite the intentions, it’s often brought up as an alarming act by a child. But unlike before, those views aren’t so black and white, and he has grown beyond vengeance but rather sees the violence as an act of duty and necessity. He has to destroy his enemies because, sadly, diplomacy can’t bring their guns down if they still have guns in their hands in the first place.

So, the Rumbling will happen. They anticipated the world’s mightiest to arrive for their assault, and if they choose to attack even when the Wall Titans are mobile and near indestructible, then that’s their choice to risk their lives. And it’s more than likely that all forces will join together to stop a common enemy (this doesn’t mean they are forever allies, but I’ll get to that in a sec). They had already been motivated by Willy Tybur’s speech. That was the cog needed to rotate this in action. Had the world refused and not cheered for Willy upon his declaration, perhaps there would be no need to get the whole world involved. Or else Eren wouldn’t have waited for a queue to attack, why bother waiting until Willy officially declared war, finished his speech, prevent other nations from listening before they can agree. Willy was the ignorant adult to persuade every ambassador there, and the world proved themselves to be easily manipulated children. So long as a well respected person is to call someone the devil, that person will be the devil to their followers. Which is why the play, the Attack on Liberio, reclaiming the Warhammer titan was so vital.

But what of after that? Once this common enemy is destroyed, Paradis will become a land to conquer because of its resources. Hizuru, even as supposed allies to Paradis, lend their help with the trade of ice burst stones, which is a limitless energy source that can provide extended use of fuel. Resources are the reason why Marley plans to take the island eventually, because using Titans as their weapons will become obsolete. Other nations are advancing and the need for shifters and pure titans pose less and less of a threat with each war. With Marley now crippled, there is no stopping the world from fighting for that territory and those resources, effectively causing them to fight each other (which they have been already). The cycle of war isn’t stopping and perhaps it will never stop. Especially if those armies exist. Simply because they fought against their biggest enemies, it does not mean the world will come together in cooperation- this is brought up in the earlier chapters of the manga. Eren even says that it is basically ignorant (too optimistic) to believe humanity can be brought together as one even if they fight a common enemy. This wasn’t the case when Titans were their only antagonists, and it doesn’t apply to the rest of the world.

Eren may not be actively solving every crime imaginable when it comes to wiping nations, and he may not be doing this specifically to reduce the amount of war for an extended period for the world. He takes the survival of Paradisians as a priority, but dismantling militaries force nations to halt their fighting and to build up from the start. This gives Paradis more time to build their own defenses, while making fair connections with allies that won’t make them vulnerable if they cannot compromise on certain actions, and puts them at a level playing field whenever the world is ready to fight again. Which is exactly what Paradis needs. It is not an infinite “world peace” and it’s not even really “peace” but it is a semicolon to the chaos so that Paradis can catch up with modern technology. Specifically, without Titans.

That’s where the agreement with Zeke stops. Eren doesn’t want to sterilize his people, but he does want them free. And the only way to free Eldians is to get rid of the Titans, as he has always said. Except this time, he really means the identity of Titans. If rewriting Eldian DNA can be done to cure sickness, sterilize the population, become titans at all, literally healing shifters and pure titans from any injury, why wouldn’t the DNA be written to severe the ties the physical body has to the invisible Paths that connect Ymir to her people? True that this will be a big leap of chance on Eren’s part, but it isn’t illogical to come to that conclusion. The power of Ymir, the Founding Titan specifically, can stretch that influence to Eldians at any proximity. No matter where Eldians are, they are always bound to the curse, and therefore will always able to become a titan. The world cannot get over that fear because it’s simply true- Eldians can become cannibalistic monsters. It’s their fate and genetic makeup that chains them to that identity, and they have no choice in the matter. Even as Pure Titans, they are victims to only their subconscious, their intellect and morality suspended, not even aware of what they are doing. Shifters are pre-determined to die in 13 years despite their near indestructible and powerful bodies. Titans brought upon suffering in the world and caused a race of people, some who had no idea that they could become monsters in the first place, to be ostracized, enslaved, feared, despised, abused, and murdered for the misunderstanding that they are pre-determined to be evil people. Because, to the world, monsters are evil, even if in reality that is not always the case.

So if the existence of physical monsters are no longer present, and the world learns of this, Paradis is able to prove this and properly have the time to establish peace among nations, then the fear is at least partially diminished. Oppression will always be a thing, but the important thing is that the possibility of being a Titan will no longer be there and eventually that aspect from others’ minds will very, very gradually die as generations are less likely to hear this from their parents, or at least less inclined to believe it if there are clearly no more Titans around at all. Even the Walls may be broken. Even those in the frontlines in this current battle who may turn into Titans because of Zeke’s inevitable scream will revert back and no longer have to worry about it happening again. The ability to be a “monster” in personality will lie solely on choice, and not because it is predestined upon birth.

Breaking the Paths will likely also prevent an Ackerbond from being created. While Ackermans aren’t affected by memory manipulation and possibly not even DNA alterations, they are still descendants of Ymir by biology and their bonds are remnants of Paths taking effect. Ackermans perhaps have more free choice than Eldians themselves to create their bonds at all or perhaps break them, but as the bonds exist, they have a bias to follow their “lord” (or “master” as Eren means) and said lord’s motivations. It isn’t to say Ackermans cannot have their own dreams, but they are still inflicted with the Paths that can possibly affect some judgement. Breaking the Paths themselves will prevent that connection if you think about it logically.

Of course, this doesn’t quite align with Eren’s words to Mikasa. I think Armin’s important role in ch118 (and really his reason for existing in the story) is to remind everyone that Eren’s actions have a greater meaning, and had he not brought up potential lies that Eren made about the Ackerbond to Mikasa, it would have been more questionable that he’d lie at all than it is now. It’s possible that those words were to break Mikasa free on her own without simply severing the Paths. It’s also relatively fool-proof, as severing Paths would only be a theory in Eren’s mind, and not an absolute.

And finally it comes down to the pregnancy. Historia at this point already accepted shouldering the burden of carry children to pass down the Beast Titan, and the government was willing to see this through as cooperation with Hizuru to do this. Initially, Eren was opposed to this, but of course Yelena (or Eren) as part of the ultimatum with Zeke told Historia that her early pregnancy was to ensure Zeke’s safety for an appropriate amount of time to act. However, I also believe it could have been used as a backup plan in case breaking Paths did not succeed, or that he had no actual choice but to enact mass sterilization (which would probably only happen on terms of a massive threat). I’m not saying this was Eren’s initial intention, and that he very much is still against Historia’s forced circumstances, but if it was all going to happen for the sake of Zeke anyway, it wouldn’t be far-fetched to assume that once that plan is carried out, Historia’s unborn child will be unaffected by this DNA change.

Allegedly, when a shifter dies naturally, Paths dictate that the next born, not conceived, Eldian baby will receive power. This implies that Paths and therefore the Founding’s actions do not affect unborn children. In this case, the race will not die off, as it can be carried on by another. Even if this weren’t true, Historia herself would have to remain fertile (as well as someone else) to continue producing children until Eldians on Paradis are able to either A) stabilize their forces that make them formidable against large armies or B) Eldians gradually die off without war consuming them all.

While it’s not quite clear why Eren has not told anyone this, I think it’s basically what Armin expect as him being pushed to a corner and unable to tell them to truth. They were involved in war to show that the weakness he has toward his friends’ survival, which that he made very clear that he cares deeply about (and why would he have ANY reason to lie), would not interfere with Zeke’s plan. He trusted them to be able to survive, yet Sasha’s death proved that he couldn’t even do that-- he had almost no choice but to push them away and locked them up. He kept them at a distance so Zeke, Yelena, and the Marleyan allies are not suspicious. Ultimately keeping them in one place yet near enough lets him keep an eye on them so that they are still safe. Would they have understood? Maybe. But it doesn’t mean they would agree to a massive world war to destroy armies. There are a lot of risks involved and it won’t solve everything, but to Eren this would be the best method to defend against oppressors while removing the chains. He can’t have his facade broken like he broke down when Sasha was killed. He can’t afford that to interfere. And he, everyone, can’t afford to sit down and do absolutely nothing, as they have been doing before Eren, by Hange’s admittance, decided to be the one to act.

The theme of the story is to break free from the walls holding you back. It’s an experience Isayama has lived as a kid, that as he grew he envisioned to experience the world beyond his town. Armin and Eren are very literal when they are young, and Armin still speaks of freedom as a physical obtainment and knowledge, something global, but Eren projects his version of freedom to apply to the will of others in a general sense, more self-focused. That one cannot truly be free if they are bound by threads of fate, that truly free choices cannot be made if there is both an actual and metaphysical boundary preventing them from reaching whatever dreams they desire. Eren himself wants to be free, but that also means freeing his people. Ironically, he binds himself to the responsibility. He even emphasizes with Reiner’s confession that he wanted to be a hero and that’s why he committed to breaking the walls; Eren doesn’t necessarily want to be respected or seen as a hero, but he chooses to take on that responsibility to be that symbol, even if there are many that see him as a monster to do it. Because even if Reiner had the best intentions, he was still hated. Eren will be the same way and he accepts this.

But he must not become one to destroy all, but one to grant choices that will advance their existence forward. That’s literally what this manga is titled. That’s exactly the titan he harnesses. Choice is a word that has been nearly every character’s vocabulary at some point. Which is what the entirety of this series is based on and has been consistently presented by other characters, Levi, Erwin, Armin, Mikasa, Jean, etc. Eren severing the bounds and eliminating the threatening oppressors grant choice to his people, and to Eren, willpower and choice are what bring a person freedom.

In summary:

Eren will enact the Rumbling to fend off and effectively destroy international armies. This will put the world at a level playing field in terms of military buildup so that Paradis is able to make its connections and advance aka “obtaining more time.” Eren will not follow Zeke’s sterilization plan. He will severe Paths and effectively end “all Titans” (not Eldians) so that his people can be free. This may include Ackermans. Historia’s unborn child will not be affected by the sterilization so long as it remains unborn for the duration of the plan IF Eren is forced.

Thematically, it makes sense for the story’s direction. It makes sense for Eren’s direction. All the story’s morals about choices, free will, influence, war-- everything comes to relevancy here and all has a reason to be lesson exposed to Eren, specifically.

Eren’s character moral is to not become like the opposition, which is revealed to be Zeke and his ideology. He must fight against that. It has always been about fighting and breaking free. It’s completely ridiculous to believe otherwise. It is completely ridiculous to believe Eren would throw away his personal connections and beliefs in favor of listening to the people who slaughtered his comrades, who advocated for a continuous cycle that would ensure their containment, who think death is the only freedom, who will continue killing innocent people. His philosophy and love for his friends, both that he lives by to the fullest extent since the very beginning, contradict all of that.

I’m not sure if my theory will be completely correct, but as far as events are going in the manga, as well as the development of Eren as a character and the story’s symbol, to Advance, I think a lot of these outcomes are likely.

#eren yeager #eren jaeger #snk meta #snk chapter 118 #snk spoilers #meta #theory #analysis #mypost #erentag

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daikenkki · 4 years

Conversation

MrDonald09: Since Series 22, what new change has annoyed you the MOST??

tttedrawings: Fantasy sequences and the intro/life lessons outro, they just make the episodes shorter, and most of the time aren't really needed at all.

MrDonald09: Ah yes unfortunately you can only have 4 options on Twitter polls, I’m sure the list would be huge if you could have more.

MasonDey1: To me the whole concept of the Steam Team is just pointless.

MrDonald09: Yeah it limits the characters that are used most of the time.

PSideplates: I voted for bouncing since it's closest to the general "kids show" tone that BWBA takes on. It really is like watching a show you put on for your 3 year old so you can leave the room in peace. It hurts to watch. If we were getting the Brenner era where the engines bounced, had ugly details, went worldwide, and got Nia and Rebecca, I'd be miffed but accept it. But BWBA just claims to be TTTE and acts like a generic preschool show. And I don't wanna be in a position where I'm an adult watching a preschool show.

MrDonald09: Agreed. I feel proud to be a fan when I watch classic era and Brenner era, but if it was like BWBA throughout the whole show I can tell you I would not be supporting it now.

TCKRangeltoon: I blame Chuggington.

PSideplates: I don't. Chuggington ended before they came up with BWBA. If anything, Chuggington made the market for train toys/shows competitive which forced HiT to make good Thomas products, well toys anyway.

ronniethe14xx: Honestly, disagree with the point it's the most general kids show tone. Travelling seems to be the new hip and cool thing to do in kids shows, I'd argue that makes it slightly worse then the bouncing because it's clear Thomas only jumped on that trend to be "hip".

JovanniChavez11: Faster pace and Thomas losing his identity. I don’t mind Thomas going on a trip but that wasn’t the way to handle it.

MrDonald09: Yes. IMO it should have stopped after the BWBA special, I think it should have only been a special.

Bostonthomasfan: Don’t really mind the bouncing but it can be over done at times. For around the world? I wish there were more episodes on Sodor and less around the world. Like 18-8 would be good.

MikeArc31375512: The bouncing. Loathe it with a passion.

ThomasTVNostal1: The thing I hate is constant arguing over opinions.Some people have been told to fuck themselves for disliking an episode of BWBA that the majority of the fandom likes and vice versa. This is unacceptable. As a fandom, we're a team and we help each other out.

ChillerB3: The forced feminism with Nia, Rebecca and the newer Steam Team really rubbed me the wrong way, more than hyper bouncing and worldwide shit did.

MrDonald09: Same, especially how the majority of the audience really doesn’t care about that, having more females, great! but don’t mess with many people’s childhood to make SJWs and toxic feminists happy cuz I guarantee you the people who wanted this change probably don’t even like the show.

ryanburges4472: I didn't read properly and the real thing since Series 22 that has annoyed me the most is the bouncing. I've been more bothered about the steam team without Henry (Just Henry). I'm happy with Edward sleeping at Wellsworth.

MrDonald09: Yeah, I completely agree honestly i’m not mad that Edward isn’t in the Steam Team anymore. It's Henry that annoys me the most.

ryanburges4472: I know! Gordon and James sleeping at Tidmouth without Henry. Edward is best at Wellsworth because he has a branch line which stars from Wellsworth.

CoolCar161: Henry and Edward stopped appearing as much anyway. They haven’t been good characters since series 4, even in the Brenner era they had little to no appearances due to writer's block. Rivets is a nice little detail that makes them seem more real, Thomas always wanted to see the world and the bouncing is hardly that bad.

TheBlueE21: Thomas' world tour. It's so inconsistent. Doesn't tie into the movie that hyped it up, never explains why or for how long Thomas is in each country, 1 ep he's in China, then Brazil etc then Sodor eps act as though he never left due to always being there. Plus most sets aren't great.

halfbakedhex8: For the record, I voted the 'rivets' option because the inclusion of the new detailing runs so counter to what the show is now, that trying to inflict reality onto the now-very-unreal engines feels very confused as to what the show is trying to achieve.

BluebellThEngin: The "bouncing" doesn't bother me much at first, but as time went on, it starts to get a little out of control and it kinda bugs me. I don't have a problem with the added details like the rivets, but they do look a little too big. Shrink them in size and they'll be okay. I'm mixed on Thomas travelling around the world if I'm being honest. The new Steam Team is what bugs me the most out of all of these options. I never liked it to begin with (minus my child self). It makes the other characters look useless. What I love about the Classic Series is we got lots of stories about almost each and every single one of them it makes the series interesting. But with the Steam Team, not only does it focus on the main characters so much, but it also brings them out of character. Especially if it's for the sake of the plots.

fan_ttte: The New Steam Team with Nia and Rebecca is what I don’t like most. I don’t mind the bouncing or rivets, Thomas going worldwide is okay. I don't know, I just feel like it would’ve been better if Nia and Rebecca did join, but also keep the others, for some interesting interactions and episodes.

islandofodor: If Thomas hadn’t gone worldwide, we’d probably still be in the Brenner era. Granted, it’d still be a slight step down but the international episodes barely take advantage of the different setting and opt to use generic plotlines that we’ve already seen on Sodor.

thesaddletank18: Bouncing, rivets and worldwide idea are bad but the new Steam Team is just....why was this done to the show?

Jacob34335638: I liked the new details, I’m mixed on the New Steam Team, and Thomas travelling the world. But the bouncing is what pisses me off the most, it literally makes the show look like Chuggington. The bouncing was at it’s worst in Journey Beyond Sodor and Thomas’ Magical Birthday Wishes.

TWR_Douglas_10: ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!!!!!

DFox1203: Is everything an option?

TheWinnerGuyCJP: Voted worldwide cuz it makes Thomas completely out of character.

SoupyGunzilla: I think a lot of the stories suffer from the shorter time. A lot of them could be better if they had more time.

kofi_milky: The bouncing, more sing alongs, replacing Edward and Henry with Nia and Rebecca. Even Thomas going worldwide. When the Rev. W. Awdry said "Here is your friend Thomas the Tank Engine. He wanted to come out of his station yard and see the world", the world that's he meant is Sodor.

sodordaily: Choosing New Steam Team because I miss the old SO MUCH!

peter_sam_no4: I think for me the bouncing as it’s so unrealistic . A 1 ton lump of metal can not swing all over the place like it has no weight.

Growlithemaste1: I hate the bouncing the most, but the rest are all useless too.

sixteen_dnw: Worst is the New Steam Team, then worldwide, then rivets, and then bouncing. TBH it doesn’t bother me too much.

BearsFlush: It annoys me that Thomas travels the world, as they remove chapters that might be focus on Sodor, and the locations and some engines are not represented correctly on the railroad.

VacentTest: I’m fine with the New Steam Team changing Edward and Henry out for Nia and Rebecca, I’ve always supported it in the beginning because increased feminism is good. Thomas going worldwide, that didn’t annoy me cause I was interested in that, the rivets is minor and nothing to worry about. But the bouncing, annoyed me the most at first but I’m used to it.

SnatchyBoi: The bouncing and the New Steam Team.

GWREngine: The New Steam Team is the most annoying change. It feels like Mattel doesn't care how special Edward, Henry, and Toby are. Plus we don't need to have more than 1 female main character. Emily being the only girl used to make her special. With Nia and Rebecca around, she isn't special anymore.

TurnTable2002: Chris Renshaw's music really annoys me.

MichaelfromNZ1: Bouncing, worldwide and New Steam Team. They represent how far Thomas has fallen since Mattel fully took over.

ArmchairRailway: New Steam Team.

TI4MGP: This is probably the hardest time I’ve had deciding on one of your polls lol. I went with the Steam Team though, but bouncing comes in a REALLY REALLY close second. The other two are less but equal with each other.

jack_bench: TBH, I'm fine with all of them? But I chose bouncing because the rivets are neat, world-tour - while it makes no sense - has a valuable goal (and is kinda fun), and the Steam Team really needed more female representation which we got with two positive role models in Nia and Rebecca. Bouncing is unnecessary, but not horrendous.

Holycro1Michael: Everything!

JosefSnowBall: Rivets was something I actually liked seeing on some engines. Bouncing is something I’m OK with, it’s kind of grown on me. New Steam Team sucks because it gets rid of the 2 best engines, Edward and Henry, and Thomas worldwide sounded like a bad idea to begin with.

TheThomasFan: Probably Thomas going worldwide . The animation is shit and it’s all just recoloured.

TheUnluckyTug: The new Steam Team. I think I'd be a little more accepting of BWBA if Edward and Henry weren't so transparently and obviously thrown to the side and treated as if they don't exist. It was like the biggest "fuck you" to fans ever.

MrDonald09: Yeah, not to mention Nia and Rebecca have such generic personalities they can barely hold a unique episode nowadays. I can understand Edward staying at Wellsworth but they did Henry DIRTY by slapping him at Vicarstown so he can focus on his Mainland duties yet not do any episode focused on this new job.

SteamEn83954980: Ok so ignoring Emily, it was a perfect 1-7 number of characters and now it's just 1, 18, 22, 4, 5, 6 and 12. Like I know it's minor but that fact gets under my skin.

DBlue02: I voted for the bouncing, but yeah, I kinda have to agree with Simon Martin’s opinion on the Steam Team concept, it’s long since overstayed its welcome. I’d prefer a nice balance of the main and side characters getting their share of the spotlight, like in the classic seasons.

TFan512: What if Edward, Henry, Nia and Rebecca were all part of the main cast.

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itsclydebitches · 4 years

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With how much the """heroes""" are doing bad things that the narrative pretends are good--and especially things that characters the narrative pretends are evil have done--I wouldn't be surprised if, here in a few Volumes, they start actively doing things that literal villains have done. Attacking someone because they blame them for someone else's death, despite that person not having been their killer, is the most likely one with Qrow gunning for Ironwood now. (Part 1/?)

The tricky thing about RWBY’s writing - and what the show itself has yet to acknowledge - is that yeah, the group has begun doing “bad” things under the assumed justification that they’re for “good” reasons:

Though it was never explicitly established, we started this series under the implication that these heroes were of the ‘shall not kill’ variety given how often Ruby tries to talk to people instead of just attacking them. Yet now Yang and Blake have killed someone and (presumably) kept it quiet. Yes, that was undoubtedly self-defense... but any fight where Ruby is attacked by criminals and killed them would have been self-defense too. The assumed morality of “Heroes don’t kill people” was tossed out the window and then never discussed

Similarly, there’s been the implication that heroes act like respectful, upstanding members of society considering that these heroics are attached to a formal job that keeps said society running. Trying to sneak into a mission during your school days is one thing, stealing military property and then running from the authorities twice in one volume is one hell of another. Yet not only is this not acknowledged as a problem, the group uses language that thoroughly denies any responsibility: “You made us steal from you.”

Much more overtly, the show established (even if I personally don’t agree) that heroes do not lie to their allies and keep such important secrets from them. Not only does the group keep plenty of secrets outside of the Salem stuff, we got a scene that was so obviously a parallel to Ozpin it still astounds me that the show then went, “Nah. It’s totally different.”

Connected to that, heroes supposedly don’t manipulate people into fighting a war when they don’t fully know what they’re getting into. The show established that and then the fandom emphasized it all throughout Volume 6: Ozpin is horrible for getting them involved in a fight they didn’t know they can’t (“can’t”) win. Yet guess who, days later, continued to do that to their one remaining ally? Then weeks later pressured Ironwood to do it to the council? Then they did it to an entire Kingdom by saying, “Yeah, everyone needs to stay to fight Salem with us.” They don’t care if anyone else knows they’re fighting an immortal enemy.

Many of our (presumably) less bad villains are considered villainous because they’re assisting Salem and her henchmen some way. Roman is more than a lowly crook because he’s assisting Cinder. Raven is more than a bandit because she’s helping Cinder, Watts, Mercury, and Emerald. Lionheart is no longer just a scared headmaster because he actively gave Salem information and fought the others. “Assisting the enemy” is a major black mark in this show and Volume 7 gave us Yang and Blake assisting, not an enemy, but a potential enemy in Robyn, and then much more overtly gave us Qrow teaming up with Tyrian. Then yeah, as you say, Qrow makes the threat to attack and/or kill a man innocent of tClover’s murder even if (so far) he hasn’t gone through on the attempt.

Again, we can assume that so long as the heroes are doing questionable things with good intentions behind them then those actions remain heroic. That’s an argument a lot of stories make. Only problem is... that assumption doesn’t extend to the whole cast. Ozpin is presented as being in the wrong despite having good intentions and those intentions achieving far more good than harm (that long time of peace). Then, outright stated, Oscar declares that Ironwood is as bad as Salem because he’s doing questionable things in an effort to save the world. So clearly “bad actions but good intentions” isn’t a justification offered to everyone. Only our main cast. It seems absurd to say, “Some volume we might see the group threatening an ally to get what they want”... but we’ve already seen it. Get out of my way, Cordovin, or I’m taking a headshot. Get out of our way, Ace Ops, or we’ll knock you unconscious and hide your bodies who knows where. Two years ago I never would have believed that we’d get such characterization, so I can’t think it absurd that things might continue to get worse. And by all means, give me a story about heroes who have to descend into awful choices in order to protect the rest of the world... but then don’t pretend they’re still perfect heroes. Especially don’t claim that while dragging the rest of the cast.

#rwby #rwde #mymetas #zsweber-studios

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prettygraceful · 5 years

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ok, i’ve been telling my dad this for months and i thought i’d finally share here. here is my dream scenario for when shadowhunters comes back (since i still keep hope that it will). and by that i mean what should happen- within realistic parameters- that i think would bring the show more general positive reactions, a larger fanbase, and stable success to ensure many more wonderful seasons. so we pick up shortly after where the epilogue left off- with the mains divided into the new york group and the alicante group- and they stay split up. this allows for 2 “A” storylines to run concurrently to allow for a wider audience to stay invested and more character dynamics to be fully explored, instead of shoved into rushed, very limited screentime “B” and “C” storylines. i’m thinking similar to daenerys and jon snow (pre s7) in GOT, aka equally important main leads.

clary remains the hub of the NY squad, as she’s always been. she is the favored female of the fandom, and this still honors the spirit of the books. alec becomes the hub of the alicante squad. he is the favored male of the fandom (tv time’s recent poll had him at more votes than the next 2 guys combined. he had over 700,000 while jace and magnus only had over 300,000 apiece. clary was at over 200,000). ok, we’ve got the chosen by logic “hubs” so let’s talk the “spokes”.

NY squad includes jace, obviously, and simon, izzy, maia. but instead of sizzy or saia, they slowly develop into a polyamorous throuple. this accomplishes many things: 1st, the shippers could make peace. 2nd, maia would have a solid link to who’s always been the center of SH: the lightwoods family. and 3rd, it could trim the fat, so to speak. instead of having supporting character wlw (heline, ollie, sam- all stereotypically characterized tv wlw, who only ate up screentime that should’ve gone to the downworlder mains imo) the wlw rep could be izzy and maia- already fleshed out mains. after spending time together resulting in unlocking some feelings, they could all get together since they both still care for simon too. now they’d have to be bi/ pan obviously- so no lesbian rep- but as a lesbian myself, i’m averse to the idea that every show has to “check every box”. quality over quantity. a trio of only POC is original vs just another wlw pair with 1 white person. as long as it was written properly, it could avoid bi stereotypes.

now the NY squad has all the different dynamic options to explore that this fandom seems to love (clace, climon, clizzy, claia, sizzy, saia, jimon, and jaia. and the jace/ izzy dynamic can finally get it’s dues!) and with a 3 POC to 2 white ratio, it’s better diversity than when things always revolved around the squad of shadowhunters in s1 thru s3. meliorn can join the fun sometimes. clary gets her powers back, but hopefully without the “mary sue” aspect. when the solution for everything was often just being shown new runes and drawing them, where was the earned achievement? (versus like when valentine was defeated, she did that!) generally, self-made heroes- rather than “born special”- are more relatable and inspirational. like arya vs daenerys- who was born able to hatch dragons in fire. she achieved so much, but without the dragons- like clary’s angel powers- none of it would’ve been possible. then again, i know daenerys is very popular, so my preference in hero types obviously isn’t universal. so either way, i guess.

on to the alicante squad (my personal favs)! magnus and luke have obviously already joined alec here, and they’re rebuilding the shadowhunter homebase to be an accepting environment. there has to be an actual lengthy, difficult power struggle here- an extremely prejudiced regime like the clave wouldn’t just topple overnight. maryse is here too and should be bumped up to be a main. then it’d be 4 women to 5 men as our mains- much more balanced. then 1 or 2 new lady characters could be introduced. let’s get some new blood on the show! and to appropriately fit into the already existing dynamic here, it’d be best if they were 30+ in age. (and hopefully they cast taller ladies, cuz aside from the mother roles- jocelyn and maryse- all of them have been 5′2″ to 5′5″ and it’s time to mix it up). they can develop solid friendships with our squad. also the parabatri needs to finally get it’s dues, since we’ve been robbed long enough. ok, and so with 1 shadowhunter, 1 downworlder, 1 sh turned dw turned sh again, and 1 sh turned mundane, there’s a lot of different perspectives here. and the new ladies could have their own unique perspectives as well. so it’d be very interesting for there to be problems they all must solve, but they each have their own ideas on how to go about it. thru compromise at times- and deferring to the one who’s perspective lends a better insight other times- they’d have innovative solutions.

to address why mizzy instead of either with clary, why the new women would probably not be wlw, and why the “hubs” are both white- it’s cuz the point of this post is me throwing in my 2 cents on what changes could be made- in the hands of new showrunners and now that we’re free of the book material- but is still possible, realistic, and viable given the way the industry machine works, and the demographic of this fandom. i’d also like to note that i just really want raphael and catarina gone, since they refuse to let magnus interact with them! they each only had 4 eps with him, yet they’re his “family”? it became beyond absurd! raphael= none in s1. 1 in s3. catarina= none in s1/ s2. only 1 in 3b- 3x22 doesn’t count cuz they didn’t talk at all. and for those who’d balk at alec being separated from jace and izzy, i say- have you never met adult siblings? it’s healthy, normal, and encouraged in society, that when siblings grow up, they go their own separate ways and live independent lives. forge their own paths. it does not mean they love their siblings any less. i have a sister, i should know.

in conclusion, the 2 separate squads would have their own adventures in the first 8 episodes of each half season. i think most everyone agrees that politically driven themes- dealt with symbolically thru this fantasy world- would make for better story arcs rather than just good vs evil (val, jonathan, lilith) all the time (esp since SH doesn’t have the budget to make fantasy elements very exciting). since there is a nice ratio of shadowhunters and downworlders in each squad, the set up for these themes would already be in place. and then much like any show that has divided storylines, at some point you’ve got to bring them all together. this could happen in the 9th episode. a wedding or holiday celebration or whatever. they could all sit around a giant table and have a feast and this ep could just be warm and fuzzy. lightwood family time- including magnus/ jace’s long overdue friendship- and a chance for them all to reconnect, until the last scene of the ep when some big bad guy dramatic problem could arise. then the final ep of the half season could be them all working together (as a whole or separately in smaller groups) to defeat the big bad (save the budget and the big fantastical sets/ creatures for the finales). end on an exciting cliffhanger. ta da!

#shadowhuntersedit #tagged to reach a larger audience #plz no one start drama #just sharing my thoughts #if you like it let me know :)#if not... oh well #meta #like i said this isn't my absolute ideal scenario either #seeing as alec/ izzy is #my 2nd fav dynamic on SH after malec #but overall i feel this would be best #ok i've reread and edited this post #like a billion times for over a week now #i'm not even kidding #so time to just post it already #here we go...

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robininthelabyrinth · 5 years

Text

Fic: Lonely, Dark and Deep - ao3 link - Chapter 3

Fandom: Naruto Pairing: Madara/Tobirama, background others Summary:

Hashirama was always going to have to leave Konoha behind one day, but no one was expecting for it to happen so soon.

Tobirama falls apart without his brother.

Madara, mad and bitter and preparing to leave himself, finds that he’s now without his best friend and responsible for a village he’d just about given up on.

And now it seems like there’s something not quite right with the forest…

———————————————————————————–

“Dead?”

Tobirama laughs, as painfully as the last time - more a gargling noise than anything else.

“He’s gone. He’s gone to the forest. He stood up and said that I had to take the hat and the job because he couldn’t be sure that you’d be staying, and then he went.”

“If all he did was go, we can bring him back,” Madara shouts, rising to his knees. “You stupid –”

“There’s nothing there to bring back!” Tobirama shouts back. “Haven’t you noticed? Didn’t you see? The Uchiha are burdened with a curse of the heart; the Senju with one of the mind – what do you think was the first thing the forest took?”

Madara hesitates.

(Hashirama didn’t come to talk him out of his rage. Hashirama didn’t look at him as he passed through the village. Hashirama looked at everything with a distance that was unusual to him, looking always out at the forest, and sometimes it seemed like he needed an extra second to wake up to hear what the people around him were saying – as if it wasn’t important, no matter what it was, as if nothing was as important as what he thinking about out in the forest – as if his mind was already gone elsewhere…)

“At least we’ll have peace,” Tobirama says, scrubbing his face now in earnest, turning his cheeks and eyes red with the pressure of his palms. “Konohagakure…you named this place better than you realized. The forest itself will defend us, at least until it’s fully taken back what belongs to it.”

It takes a second for Madara, whose clan believes in consigning corpses to the flame, to realize what Tobirama is talking about. The Senju bury their dead, most of the time, but sometimes they do something they call sky burials – a barbaric custom, in Madara’s opinion, where they just dump a body out there for the animals and the sun to disintegrate into dirt. And if what Tobirama is saying is true, then that means the forest itself will defend their village, defend their peace, until it has wholly consumed Hashirama’s body, like the bodies of the unfortunate who never left the battlefield, stripped down to the very bones –

Madara shudders at the thought.

“We should still go look for him,” he says. “To – to offer an alternative, if nothing else.”

To kill him, he means, as an act of mercy.

“What do you care?” Tobirama scoffs. “You’re going to leave anyway.”

Madara opens his mouth – but what can he say? He was going to leave – leave, and bring back a bijuu, the kyuubi, turn it into a weapon aimed at Hashirama and all that he loves to force Hashirama to step up and kill him –

Hashirama would have killed him, Madara knows now. He would have, but it wouldn’t have meant what Madara wanted it to mean. For an Uchiha, giving your life to someone you love, forcing them to kill you, is the greatest sacrifice of all – the only way to achieve the Mangekyo, the greatest of their powers. If Hashirama had been an Uchiha, Madara’s death would have meant something: a farewell gift, however poisonous, a memory to stay with him forever. But for a Senju…

(Hashirama would have killed even Tobirama for peace, sacrificed the reason for his peace for the reality of it, and Madara’s never going to un-know that. And somehow, though he doesn’t know quite why, that changes everything.)

“I’m still his friend,” he says helpless.

“And I’m his brother,” Tobirama says, looking down at the hat with dull eyes. “I’m his brother, and he entrusted the village to me. He would have given it to you, but you’re leaving, so he gave it to me.”

Madara feels a stab of pain, a sudden stroke of insight and empathy.

How must it feel, to love someone as much as an Uchiha does, and yet to know at every moment that they would sacrifice you or cast you aside for their goals? Worse: to give as much of yourself to someone as Tobirama has given to Hashirama, and then, in the end, to still be second best – not even to a dream, no, but to an enemy…

Madara doesn’t really need to kill Tobirama to destroy his life the way Tobirama destroyed his when he struck down Izuna, does he?

He’s done it already, just by existing.

“We should go look for him,” he says again, this time stronger. His head feels clear, somehow, like he’s just broken the surface of an ocean he hadn’t even known he was drowning in. “I’ll tell him – I’ll tell him I’ll stay. He deserves that happiness, before he’s gone.”

Tobirama looks at him, suspicious, but it’s too late for him: Madara knows his weakness now, the weakness Izuna spent his whole life searching for and never found even though it was right in front of his nose.

For Hashirama’s happiness, however marginal, Tobirama will agree to anything.

They go out into the forest, looking, but for all that Tobirama is the finest sensor in Fire Country and maybe the world, for all that Madara is the finest tracker of the Uchiha clan now that Izuna is gone, they can’t find him.

His footsteps disappear in a grove of trees, as if he had suddenly taken wing or sunk into the earth, leaving no trace behind him.

“Do you know any jutsu to help find bones?” Madara jokes after a few hours of fruitless searching. They’re searching through bushes at this point, just in case Hashirama collapsed, though neither of them can really imagine that.

“I can resurrect the dead imperfectly, which, yes, involves a method for locating bone fragments,” Tobirama replies from where he’s perched in a tree, eyes closed and sensor abilities lashing out strongly enough that Madara can feel the force of it from several meters away. “I've already used it. There are no bones here beyond those of animals.”

Madara pauses for a long moment. He’s pretty sure he didn’t know that Tobirama could do that.

“When you say you can resurrect the dead –” he starts.

“Hashirama made it kinjutsu,” Tobirama says, leaping down from the tree. “I don’t think he’s ever put something on the forbidden scroll so fast…It doesn’t work right, anyway, or else I’d have younger brothers alive today.”

An excellent point.

“Nevertheless, out of curiosity…”

“It rips the souls of the dead out of the Pure Lands, resurrecting them as weapons in unbreakable clay bodies fixed forever at the time of their death. I don’t know if their souls return to the Pure Lands afterwards, either, or if they’re condemned to – wandering.”

Madara grimaces. He would never impose such a horrific half-life and second death on Izuna, no matter how dearly he wishes he could see him again.

(He’s not sure he would have thought that way even a few hours ago. He’s not sure he would have cared, even though he should have; he thinks he might have caused Izuna any amount of pain if it would only alleviate his own. He has the distinct suspicion that Hashirama might have saved him again, all unknowing: no shock any less terrible would have been enough to wake Madara up from the nightmare he’d created for himself. Seriously, Madara's going to have to have a stern talk with his clan - why in the world did they leave him alive? Don't they know the damage an Uchiha maddened by loss can do? To those around him, to their clan, to the world? What were they thinking?)

“Are you really staying?” Tobirama asks. He’s suddenly standing there in front of Madara, his eyes still redder than usual. “Or was that just something you were going to say to Hashirama to ease his passage to the next world? I'm not going to stop you if you go, but I'd like to know now so that I know whether to rely on you or not going forward.”

Madara hesitates.

Tobirama clearly needs the help - that much is obvious, just look at him - but can he really give up his goals like that?

The stone tablet he had found had said that the only way to save the Uchiha clan was through the path it offered, the Infinite Tsukuyomi…but without Hashirama, could that path even be achieved? It depended on the Rinnegan, after all, a merging of Senju and Uchiha, and it feels somehow unsatisfying for the Senju blood he needs to come from anyone but Hashirama. If it’s even possible for other blood to serve the purpose – Hashirama was the only Senju with the Mokuton, after all…

Still, he can’t give up that path. If it really is the only way…

Hmm.

Maybe he doesn't have to give up his path - and maybe his path doesn't necessarily mean he has to give up on the village, either.

Maybe he can have both.

Hashirama would never have agreed to such a plan, too full of love and hope and naïve belief in humanity, but Tobirama – as much as Madara hates the man for what he took from him, for Izuna's untimely death, he’s no longer so overwhelmed with grief as to be unable to think straight. And Tobirama has always had that marvelous combination of extreme curiosity and fairly uncertain grasp of ethics…

“I’ll stay,” Madara says, deciding even as he spoke. “I’ll stay and help you run the village, the way I should’ve helped Hashirama. But in return, I want your help with something.”

Tobirama crosses his arms. He’s suspicious; of course he is. Madara doesn’t blame him. Convincing him will not be easy, but Madara is quite certain he can do it.

“Come, let’s walk back; I’ll tell you as we go,” Madara says, turning his back on the forest. “You see, there’s a legend among the Uchiha of a dojustu more powerful than the Sharingan: we call it the Rinnegan…”

#senju hashirama #senju tobirama #uchiha madara #lonely dark and deep #my fic

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