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#I need him but in a biblical sense
sidoyaboi · 2 months
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I want u…
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sinnabee · 2 years
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pov: something’s wrong with sun
colored and b&w because i am!!! very fond of both of them!!!
i’ve been working on this for DAYS anyway this is basically my magnum opus idk if i’ll ever be able to draw something this involved again (pls pls i am begging you zoom in on the joints)
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nico-di-genova · 9 months
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If I speak-
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joakims-metal-machine · 7 months
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If Joakim stood before me like this, I would lose all dignity and tell him to take me.
I need him fiercely.
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orbdotexe · 2 months
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Give me all of the thoughts you have on those three and I will give you cute cat video (threat)
OKAY SO. its been a hot minute since ive done anything outside of writing the already established shorts for Exile, so this might be a lil lacking in what i usually put into these. But i promise its got more of plenty else! my brain has been zoomed ALL the way in on getting every single floof in warframe (i have all but like. 5. and those are all from Venus. please help)
Drifter. Drifter Drifter. He does NOT want to get attached and Shin and laughing at him the whole time. That man knew exactly what he was doing when he dragged Drifter into this and feels no regret. You might even get a rare smile (albeit smug) from him when talking about it.
It may not have been the most moral thing to do; using Drifter's experiences with the Nine to trap him into doing something insanely dangerous--But he's fine now, and he barely even came out with a bruise. Besides, the whole system should be glad Shin did that. At least now, Wolf has some direction.
It's not the most moral thing, yet again, to point Wolf at enemies again--A weapon, again--but it's what they needed. Horrible thing to need, the exact thing you need to get away from. But they have to want to get away from it enough to leave, first, and they can't get to that point without it. Wolf has to be a weapon to know what to do with themself, now. They spiral without it, and Ghost takes far too long to realize it--And refuses to acknowledge it when he does.
But they need an outlet, and the City still needs them. Two birds with one stone (though Wolf might object to that specific phrase). Think of the greater picture, Shin might ask.
That's why now, after a life removed from the bigger picture, I'm risking everything I am on a simple bet—that you are different. That you are better. Than me. Than them
This is what I want—need—you to understand. Your path is not your own. It is shared. It has impact. It carries consequence and creates wake, both obvious and unseen. And the path you're currently walking is… concerning. For yourself, whether you see it or not. More importantly, for others.
Have you considered this?
Shin is much more attached than he sounds (thank you autofill for recommending "attractive"), trying to both guide them and keep at a distance. Not that he ends up doing the greatest job.
Drifter, on the other hand, is more or less his typical self--If much more... put-off by the whole thing, at least for the first while. He gets used to Wolf's tendencies, and how Ghost and Shin try to direct it, so they don't catch themself too far in their own crossfire (not that its effective, but the two try. Thank the Light for Crow coming around).
But Wolf is still unnerving, maybe because they remind him and the states he was stuck in. Maybe because it's-- Well, not willingly. But the things they put themself through that they don't have to? So, maybe there's resentment, or maybe he just doesn't understand and maybe they don't exactly help much of anyone understand. Maybe they're unnerving because of their eyes, because of how they hold themself (a kicked dog.), because of the fighting spirit, the determined heart, reduced to the mere haunting of someone who was before.
Maybe it's pity. Maybe he doesn't want someone else to end up like him, or the people he's known throughout his far too long history.
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cas---2y5 · 7 months
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watching the last few episodes of s13 (I think I’m one out from the finale) and WOW they rlly popped off with the Sams cage trauma content. Like YES this is how he should’ve been with Lucifer from the second he escaped in season 11!! We deserved two whole seasons of Sam looking absolutely sick anytime they talk about needing to find Lucifer!!!
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kizoken · 5 days
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calcharo, give me your children challenge, go!
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gloominggf · 7 days
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Miles teller with a mustache >>>>>>>>
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karinyosa · 1 month
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"i need [_] biblically" still like minorly gets on my nerves just because you could say "i need to know [_] biblically" and that's way sexier and more interesting sounding to me
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whostamera · 3 months
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Black Widow Blues on repeat
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yeyinde · 13 days
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The 141 finding out you've never had sex.
Just casually drinking, playing cards. A joke causes it to slip out.
body electric: the virgin edition
Gaz, the instigator, mutters something about not having been fucked in ages. this springs up a sudden surge of comradery, because, yeah. neither have they.
Soap's devote Catholicism (i like to imagine) leaves little room for flippant intimacy. he tries to be a good boy. key word, of course, being: tries. but the last serious relationship was years ago. back when he was grunt. he's pent up. abstinence, yeah? he holds it tight in his hand. but the thing about fists is that they're often mistaken for anger. Soap's a realist masquerading as an optimist. he knows whoever falls into his jowls next will be a MacTavish by the time he's through with them. and commitment. well. his comes at a price. a hefty one.
Ghost prefers casual flings where he doesn't have to take any clothes off. unzips his trousers, frees his cock, and then tries to pretend he's a real, flesh and blood, human. to feel something, anything, except a vacuum between hollow bones. but his tastes are peculiar. on the side of unhinged. he hasn't found the perfect body yet satiate himself with.
Price. well. with his bloody hands, he thinks he'd rather not dirty the same people he swears to protect. and divorcing at the age of 30 does that to a man, maybe. his role as a captain (an excuse in retrospect) also keeps him from unleashing his wants. the very same ones that are probably best under lock and key, anyway. it's just for the best, really. something he ought to do because the moment he has another chance to sink his teeth into someone's neck, he'll tear them apart. break them into pieces.
despite bringing it up, Gaz knows the real reason he's single is because he's pushy. he wants. so he takes. and then takes some more. more. more. until his gullet is full of the person he's obsessed with. carrying them around in his breast pocket everywhere he goes. the perfect mate. the one he can shower with unfettered affection. a deluge, in all honesty. one with the ideation to drown. biblical floods. trapped beneath him. he likes it more than he should, but. singedom, then, he supposes.
and then you roll the dice. admit, sheepishly, that, technically, you have them all beat. zero is always lesser than five, ten, twenty. but it's this misstep—zero, never—that catches their attention.
suddenly, you're not surrounded by kin but a pack of wolves. all hungry in their own ways, all starving. it just makes sense to quench their hunger with you, doesn't it? friend, ally. pretty little thing. so sweet for them. and perfectly mouldable. putty they shape to their hearts desire. the perfect mate.
Soap grips his rosary. the sign of the cross, heavenly Father and Holy Spirit, digging into his palm like the burn of a baptism. what's devotion if not pain? he cuts himself on the gold. offers blood of the sacrament to whoever might be listening, and leans in, sniffing.
Price's knuckles are white. he leans back, hidden in shadows. all you can see is spark of burning orange from his cigar as he takes mouthful after mouthful of smoke, contemplating. assessing.
"that so?" he doesn't even need to look at his Lieutenant to know that the man has gone still. too bad for you, it's not from shock.
Ghost barely holds himself back. keeps tight in his seat. fists clenching. unclenching. he has a good enough read on the people around him to see the unfiltered desire ripping across their face. scorching. but to bite, with his mouthful of jagged, seraded teeth; ones meant to rip, break, tear, would ruin you. permanently. unequivocally. and—
"wanna give it a go?" all eyes turn to Gaz, electric in his seat. eyes smouldering umbre. "i mean, you trust us the most, don't you?" us. it's stunning, he thinks, the way Gaz can weave tapestry in the air like this with just his words. one tangled like shibari binds. "and we care for you a lot. we'll be gentle. it's up to you, of course, but—"
Soap's bloody hand disappears under the table. you gasp. "yer askin' fer it, ain't ye? beggin' so pretty fer it."
"n-no, i—"
"mind your manners." Price. his voice is chiselled into char, authoritative; low. a lulling command spoken in a breath of smoke. "and don't lie, love. or i'll have to take you over my knee."
the tension is thick. Soap's arm moves, slow. deliberate. Ghost has clench his jaw to avoid bearing his teeth. snarling.
Gaz cuts it with a knife. hews compliance into your skin with a fine needle point. "it's okay. we'll take such good care'a you. make you feel so good."
your submission is a heavy thing. oppressive. the shallow dip of your chin, the blistering heat simmering under your flesh, burning right, is the prettiest fuckin' thing he's ever seen. he does clench his jaw this time. tight, tight. tight
until something pops.
"okay." you yield. head bowed. beautifully submissive.
when he looks around, catches the predatory crackle in the air. his hackles raise. immediate. instinctual. and ah, right.
it's easy to forget he's surrounded by a wild pack of stray dogs. starving ones, too.
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teamblck · 4 months
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what the 141 would have your name saved as in their phone
Price-
the missus
doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating 1 week or married for 10 years this is what he would refer to you as so it’s only fitting that’s the contact name for you <3
Ghost-
your full name
lmao i feel like he has all his contacts in his phone saved under first and last name. he doesn’t use his phone much other than to make a call every now and then and to take pictures. he wouldn’t also be a good texter, most of everything would get a 👍 or 👎 reaction
Gaz-
my girl ❤️
i have a strong belief that gaz would use nicknames with my in front of them, like my love, my girl, my dove. he’s a sweetheart and anytime someone asks him who he’s texting cause he’s grinning like an idiot he would just say “oh my girl” and then show a picture because of you cause he’s so proud of himself for snagging such a cute partner
he’s so- i need him biblically
Soap-
bonny <3
this is what he calls you the most. he almost never uses your real name so it doesn’t make sense to have your contact anything other than bonnie <3. I truly think he would even begin calling you this before you even started dating and were just friends. he just thinks you’re soooo pretty 🩷
i am obsessed with these men
i did not proof read so lmk if there is any typos
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i’ve always loved the way you eat ; suguru geto
synopsis; suguru is a morning person. he likes the serenity of it all; the quiet of the early hours, the expensive feel of his coffee pot. more than anything, he likes bringing you breakfast in bed.
word count; 4.9k
contents; suguru geto/reader, gn!reader, just comfy morning vibes, fluff fluff fluff!!, suguru being a good soon-to-be husband, lots of petnames, reader is whipped (and so am i) but suguru is even worse, i need him biblically.
a/n; this is my personal essay on why suguru geto is the perfect man and wife. bon appetit !!
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something smells good.
as your eyelids flutter open, and you gradually slip out of sleep’s fuzzy embrace, you are engulfed by that one thought. that one sensation.
there’s a sweet fragrance in the air, an unnamed something you can’t place. a force of love.
soft sunrays flit in through the haphazardly closed window blinds of your bedroom, cascading across the floorboards and bouncing off the walls. splotches of sunshine envelop you in a hazy kind of glow; gentle and coaxing, stirring you awake. it feels good on your skin.
indulging in a few more slow blinks, you shift to lie on your back, halfheartedly attempting to chase the sleepiness away. tangled up in silken sheets and fluffy blankets, you stare at the ceiling — but even such a mundane task feels so nice. just wallowing in the tantalizing scent drifting through the bedroom, the flurry of little kisses that the sun smothers you with. 
it’s still early, and you’re still sleepy. outside the walls of your apartment, the sun is rising to its feet, dyeing the world in warm colours; violets and blues melting into pinks and oranges, like an egg cracked open on the canvas of the sky. everything is quiet, not a sound to be heard except for the very distant chirping of cicadas from the trees outside your window. utter peace. like time isn’t even passing.
in the midst of such a precious moment, all you want is to laze around. it’s just that kind of pleasant, mellow morning; the kind that makes you wish the sun would never fully rise.
a satisfied little sigh slips from your lips. content to soak in the heavenly feeling until it passes, your eyes flutter shut — you’re just so sleepy, and the sun just feels so warm. soothing you, making it even harder to stay awake, cradling you in its hazy embrace. sunlit and saccharine.
with the morning fatigue clouding your senses, you don’t even notice the other presence in the room. 
suguru smiles, from his spot by the door — leaning against the wall and gazing at your relaxed expression, an immense fondness reflected in his eyes. taking a moment to silently admire you.
you look so content. tangled up in blankets and pillows, with your limbs outstretched and starfished across the mattress. your hair is a little messy, and you’re drooling just a smidge, wearing his shirt; it’s a couple sizes too big for you, slipping off your shoulder and exposing your sunkissed skin. as suguru’s eyes trail over your features, the fond smile on his face only grows, shifting into something honeyed and giddy. 
you’re perfect, he thinks. absolutely perfect.
a moment passes. then another. suguru continues to stare, as if trying to etch the image of you into his memory. trying to prolong the moment for as long as he can. 
until, finally, he’s had his fill. simply admiring you from afar isn’t enough — he needs to see you up close, needs to hear the sleepy little tilt of your voice. so he opts to make his presence known, voice gravelly and sweet, echoing softly throughout the room.
“good morning, sweetheart.”
softly, your eyes flicker open. the familiar voice sends a tremor of something running through your chest — and suddenly, it feels as if some of the sleep clinging to your skin has been washed away. it’s a little easier to make yourself move, shifting to your side to get a better look at the source of the sound.
and the warmth that blossoms in your chest when your eyes meet suguru’s is almost overwhelming.
(god, he’s pretty.)
suguru looks perfect, in the morning. he looks like the rest of your life. hair a little messy, tied up into a lazy half-done bun, silky black strands cascading down his neck. and wearing a pair of comfy sweatpants that hang a little low on his hips, but no shirt — showing off the curve of his tiny waist, the slight twitch of his arms when he indulges in an idle stretch. 
you try to restrain yourself from ogling his bare chest and arms too much, but it’s tough. frighteningly so. with the sunlight embracing his skin, muscles on full display, he looks a bit like a sculpture. a little too good to be real.
but he is. and he’s yours. and he’s smirking at you, lazily, affectionately — eyes half-lidded as he balances the tray that’s making the room smell so sweet. just standing there, looking so unfairly gorgeous. waiting for you to muster up the energy to respond to his greeting, more than happy to watch the way your eyes soften as they trail across his features in the meantime.
“morning,” is all you can rasp, eyes closing as your cheek sinks deeper into the mattress. a bit too tired to talk to him properly, and a bit too unguarded to look at him without feeling as if your heart is about to leap out of your throat. 
he’s a little too pretty, like this. framed by the hazy sunshine, like something out of a dream. all soft clouds and gentle caresses, the scent of dried lavender, the pitter patter of rain against a windowsill. all things kind and comforting. 
you’re afraid that your heart might give out, if you look at him for too long.
suguru doesn’t seem to mind. he only chuckles, voice deep and husky, sending shivers down your spine. his lips quirk up into a smooth kind of smile, and he’s quick to make his way to your side; crouching down to meet you at eye level after placing the tray on the nightstand.
a hand comes to caress your cheek. the rough pads of his fingers smooth down your jaw, gentle and doting, as if coaxing you out of hiding. as if you’re made of porcelain. suguru always treats you like you’re fragile, like you’re the most precious thing he has.
(because you are, he thinks. more precious than the expensive vanilla extract he used to make the waffles on the tray, more precious than the diamond-clad ring he’s hidden away in a drawer of the guest room. more precious than anything this world has to offer.)
a blissful little sigh slips from your lips, as you nuzzle into his palm. suguru leans forward to smear a kiss against your forehead, overcome with fondness; warm lips lingering on your skin.
the sensation strikes you as just a little heavenly. his touch is so tender, every caress so full of love. instinctual, the way his love bleeds into his touch, trickles down his veins to the tips of his fingers — smoothing along your skin. such a heavy thing, but he just makes it feel so light. 
“still sleepy?” he hums, a little teasing. eyes crinkling, voice bordering on a coo.
and it’s infuriating. the amusement that flickers through his eyes, the way you can tell he’s itching to tease you for being so groggy and tired.
between the two of you, suguru’s always been the one to get out of bed first, to your grave annoyance. and he’s so smug about it. you want to tell him that waking up so early on a saturday isn’t normal, that he’s the weird one for not being sleepy — 
but when he’s cupping your cheek so gently, all you manage is a meek little murmur of mm. one that has suguru stifling a coo, lips curling up into an adoring smile. 
look at you. his sleepy little baby, dyed in sunrays and tiny specks of dust. so effortlessly pretty, tangled up in fluffy blankets, an image so precious he almost feels like he shouldn’t be looking at it. yet he continues to do so, mesmerized.
(suguru doesn’t mind being a little greedy, when it comes to you.)
“i made you breakfast,” he continues, as you melt into his touch. an absentminded action, but almost brimming with trust; the trust you have in him to treat you well. one he’ll always, always affirm. “your favorite. wanna eat with me?”
breakfast.
something in your brain visibly reacts to the sound of the word, shooing away a little of the morning fatigue still clouding your senses. before you know it, you’ve forced yourself into a sitting position, with groggy movements and a soft groan. rubbing the skin beneath your eyes and kicking the blanket off your legs, a little clumsily.
suguru breathes out a soft bout of laughter, low and amused, as you lazily stretch and indulge in slow blinks. his hand goes to ruffle your hair, and all you do is lean into it.
“i’ll take that as a yes,” he teases, eyes full of fondness. you crack a sleepy smile at his amused tone of voice.
suguru’s hands are big, and a little rough, but still so very soft. you could spend hours tracing them — from the tips of his fingers down to the veins of his wrist, across his knuckles littered with small scratches and barely visible scars. stories of his childhood, that he loves telling you about, almost as much as you love hearing them.
you love his hands. they’re so pretty. so warm and grounding, as they smooth down your hair, unmistakably caring. the weight of them is a comfort, as his fingers card through your bedhead, scratching softly at your scalp. a sensation that makes you feel all fuzzy inside.
suguru is just so good to you.
and you’re only further reminded of that fact when your gaze trails over to the assortment of breakfast foods he’s prepared, neatly stacked on the nightstand. all your favorites, made with so much love; and it’s so evident, even just in the presentation. the freshness of the strawberry slices, the perfect amount of syrup spread over the waffles. the cup of coffee made just the way you like it.
maybe it’s the morning fatigue, or just the softness of the moment. the intimacy, so palpable you can almost reach out and touch it. or maybe it’s something else entirely — whatever the cause, you feel your eyes get somewhat glassy. 
a meek little sniffle leaves your lips, and it catches even you off guard.
suguru blinks. suddenly alert, his morning-fatigued brain trying to comprehend the sight of your teary eyes. brain spinning in circles, not sure if it should be telling him to panic just yet. something in him constricts, twists and turns, a desperate kind of yearning to protect you.
but before he can even reach out to wipe away the wetness with his thumb, you’ve latched yourself onto him.
arms snug around his waist, face tucked under his chin. fitting into him like a puzzle piece. breathing in the remnants of the cologne on his neck; a nice bergamot mix that you like, so he sprays on a little extra just for you. so close to him that you can feel the patter of his heart against you, as you soak in his body warmth. 
and his arms find their way around your form just as naturally, without him even having to think. like every bone in his body was born with a desire to cradle you close. like he was crafted in the image of someone made to soothe you. 
being in suguru’s arms is pure bliss. the most grounding sensation you know, one that never fails to calm you down, no matter how stressed or anxious you’re feeling. with his broad chest and strong arms, his bergamot-scented skin. so doting, pressing little kisses to your shoulder, trying to console you. his hair tickles your cheek a little, but it’s comforting.
”what’s wrong, honey?” he questions, voice set on a low, particularly soothing lilt. coaxing, almost cooing — a tone that buzzes with safety. his big hands go to rest on your head and back, smoothing down your spine.
”nothing,” you sniffle. feeling a little silly. ”you’re just too perfect. ‘s not fair.”
a pause. 
then, a chuckle bubbles up from suguru’s throat. something fond and delightful unfurls in his chest, a kind of relief; a feather-light amusement.
(you’re so ridiculous, he thinks.)
but you only nuzzle further into his neck, all sleepy and affectionate — and it stirs his heartstrings in a way that makes him feel rather helpless. crumbling beneath your touch. gazing at you with soft eyes, a happy little hum buzzing in his throat.
he takes you in, in all your clingy glory; so impossibly sweet. maybe he should have sprinkled some sugar on the strawberry slices, just to see if the taste could ever measure up.
”ah, is that so?” he drawls, a lazy amusement flickering through his eyes. playful. ”i’m sorry, baby. i should be the one saying that to you, though.”
but you just shake your head, arms tightening around his midriff. as if offended that he’d have the audacity to brush off your objectively correct statement, to even think to deny how perfect he is. 
and suguru raises a brow at you, in tandem, a mild protest resting on the tip of his tongue — offended at your blatant disrespect, shaking your head at his factually correct words, as if disagreeing with your own evident perfection. 
but before he can even begin to fight you on the topic, you part your lips to speak.
”thanks for breakfast, sugu,” you sleepily murmur, biting back a yawn. still a little meek, but oh so loving. ”i would die for you.”
he stills, once more. then another soft bout of laughter escapes his lungs, rumbling through his chest like a soothing thunderstorm. it makes you feel so terribly safe.
“there’s no need for that,” he assures you. ”don’t you wanna eat instead?”
to his surprise, he’s met with another soft shake of your head. so snug in his embrace that you could practically live there, only clinging to him a little tighter with a huff.
”just wanna hug you first…” you yawn, arms squeezing at his waist affectionately. shifting in his hold until your lips find their way to his neck.
”i love you,” you mumble, kissing down his jaw and collarbone. sleepy, open mouthed pecks, trailing over the expanse of his pretty skin. ”so much.”
it tickles, a little. suguru digs his teeth into his cheek, ever so slightly, just to hold back the giggle that threatens to break out from his throat.
and it’s maybe just a little too sweet, the sensation that blossoms in his chest, something honeyed and flowery; fluttering deep within his ribcage, like a dragonfly buzzing and trying to break free. it gets him a little weak in the knees.
to distract himself from the voice in his head urging him to go get the ring in the guest room drawer right this instant, suguru scoops you up. cradling you close, as he plops down on the mattress, legs crossed to give you space on his lap.
you don’t protest, only snuggling a little closer — as if yearning to tuck yourself away within his ribcage. 
and suguru chuckles, the deep tremor of his voice reverberating through his chest, echoing in your head as you listen to the rhythmic beating of his heart. rubbing your back with a teasing smile, pressing a kiss against the crown of your head.
“i should make breakfast more often if it’ll get you like this,” he grins, basking in the warmth of your body against his. 
a little whine falls from your lips. muffled into the curve of his shoulder, against his bare skin. “it’s not about the breakfast,” you pout, looping your arms around his neck. “it’s everything you do…”
a heat rises to your cheeks, a little embarrassed at the sappiness you’re exuding. but the sun feels so nice on your skin, and the bedroom smells so good, and the whole world feels so kind. 
inhaling the fragrance of bergamot and coffee, you can only fall apart at the intimacy of the moment. 
“i’m really grateful…” you murmur, resting your lips against his skin. buzzing with a warmth that has him shuddering. “‘m just bad at expressing it.”
suguru’s eyes soften. melting into a tender hue, like that of a creamsicle sunrise sky. a dreamy look smoothes over his features, and a fond hum buzzes in his throat.
“nah, you’re fine,” he drawls, squeezing at your hips affectionately. pulling away ever so slightly, just to plant a kiss on your forehead, brushing your bangs away with a certain bleeding tenderness. “you don’t need to say it out loud. i know, anyway.”
and he does. suguru understands you better than anyone; a point of immense pride, for him. knowing you so deeply that he can practically hear your thoughts before you speak them, knowing what you need at a single glance. just from a certain furrow of your brows, or the slight tilt of a smile you’re trying to hide. 
always one step ahead, folding your laundry on days you’re feeling particularly stressed out, or giving your hand a comforting squeeze when he notices that you’re nervous. always so attentive. it’s a little overwhelming, but also so comforting — to be so thoroughly understood.
his eyes are warm. full of pure affection, a devotion so heavy it makes your heart stutter in your chest. all you can do is glance down, shyly, slumping your forehead against his bare chest. 
your voice comes out a little strangled, still raspy. a little wobbly in the wake of your adoration.
“i wanna appreciate you…” is muffled against his skin, your lips curled down into a soft pout. and suguru breathes out a flustered little breath, amused — somewhat delighted.
“you can appreciate me by eating a hearty breakfast,” he suggests, a teasing tilt to his husky voice. cradling you just a little closer, as if even the miniscule distance between you is unbearable. as if he needs your hearts pressed together to keep himself intact. “how about that, hm? or would you rather give me a kiss?”
a moment passes, and a sleepy hum slips from your tongue. he feels your lips touch the soft skin of his neck, once more; then you muster up the strength to pull back from his embrace, slumping against his shoulder with your back against the headboard. it takes concentrated effort.
and suguru chuckles, again. odd, how a man who’s normally so put-together can’t seem to ever hide his joy whenever you’re around. but suguru is just a little too weak for you — he can’t help but let you strum his heartstrings along, however you want. any kind of melody you desire.
(it just so happens that no melody sounds prettier than a joyous one, when it’s falling from his lips.)
a lovesick smile painted on his face, suguru watches as you finally dig in. and he thinks it’s precious, the strawberry juice smearing your lips, the contentment in your features as your eyelids flutter shut. a mellow kind of pride swells in his chest with every satisfied hum that you grace him with, every giddy declaration of how delicious it all is. 
there’s something about it he can’t quite explain, can’t put his finger on. something almost otherworldly, in how fulfilled it makes him feel, like he’s lived his entire life just for this moment. just for the sake of making you breakfast and watching you wolf it all down.
suguru doesn’t think there's a single better way to show his love for you than this; cooking for you, putting every last drop of his love into everything he makes. from beverages to pastries, each of them carefully chosen to suit your tastes.
there’s an intensity to the labour, something that brings him great joy. the care and excitement in something as small as the flick of his wrist when he pours sugar into your coffee, or the weight he puts on the kitchen knife while cutting the fresh strawberries he spent four minutes picking out at the market.
there’s something about it that’s just so, so tender. that earnest wish to see you happy and healthy, to make sure you never go hungry. taking care of you. it's pure, domestic, love incarnate. he’s so weak for it, so sappy, but he just can’t help it — suguru loves watching you eat his cooking more than anything.
that, and your blissful little expression is a sight to behold. sunkissed by the morning rays flitting in through the window blinds, suguru thinks you look something like an angel, soft and fleeting and so beautiful it makes his heart squeeze painfully inside his chest. heavy thumps of blood; warmth trickling from his heart to his wrists to the pads of his fingers, as he rubs absentminded circles into the skin of your thighs.
and he thinks to himself that all the happiness he needs is right here in front of him. in this moment, with you tiredly munching on the breakfast he made, sipping slowly from your cup of coffee and savouring every last drop. smiling at him so sweetly, so positively precious that he simply can't resist leaning down to taste the caffeine off your lips. 
everything feels so wonderful, so completely and utterly right. the world feels so kind, like this. a world where all that exists is you, and him, and the sun. heaven on earth.
all of it sends a tremor running through his heart, every slight change of the scene reflected in his eyes. the soft smile on your lips, the way you lean your head against his shoulder and bite back a yawn, the expectant look in your eyes as you feed him pieces of your food with a giddy grin —
suguru thinks to himself that he’d sooner die than give it up. 
as much as he loves sleeping in, loves indulging in your warmth until the sun sits comfortably on the blue canvas of the sky, he loves this even more. loves dragging himself out of bed before the sun even has a chance to peek out beneath the horizon painted pink and purple, tired and groggy, and so disgruntled at the warmth that leaves him when he pulls away from your skin. loves making his way to the kitchen almost in a daze, moving around the open space so very naturally; fingers curling around the lid of the espresso machine, and the crinkled paper bag of pastries, and the carton of orange juice he bought just for you.
just watching the world wake up, basking in the peace and domesticity of it all. basking in the thought of you — you, with your messy bedhead and droopy eyes, always blinking up at him so sleepily when he returns to you in the morning. he loves it all.
the soft little frown that sometimes tugs at your lips when you’re still lost in dreamland, blindly and subconsciously reaching for the empty side of the bed when he gets up to stretch. the weight of your arms around his waist, hugging his back on the somewhat rare occasion that you make your way to him before he makes his way to you. the grumbles against his skin about how he always abandons you on your days off, even if he only does it so he can make you both coffee.
you, in all your glory — now resting against his shoulder as you plop the last strawberry into your mouth, closing your eyes with a blissful little sigh.
and suguru feels so lucky. so very honoured, to be the one you chose. the one and only person who gets to see you like this, when your voice is still raspy and your hair is still messy, and you have crumbs sticking to your soft lips that you're too sleepy to wipe away.
he does so, himself, with an amused little huff that’s really more of a sigh laced with adoration. thumb smoothing over your skin gently, a silent i love you hanging on the tip of his tongue. his fingers find their way to your skin so effortlessly. like they belong there, like they exist solely to trace the softness of your jaw and to cradle your cheek.
”thank you,” you beam up at him, grinning sweetly. 
and suguru knows that you mean it. he knows that you’re grateful, knows not a moment goes by when you don’t notice his affections, no matter how subtle. he thinks you're a little bit silly for worrying that he doesn't. but he thinks you're even sillier for not realizing that you deserve all of it and more, that just that sweet smile of yours alone is more than enough to make up for it.
more than anything, he hopes from the bottom of his heart that you know the opposite is true as well. that he appreciates every single thing you do, notices everything you do for him, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem to you.
you're so good to him. always have been. how could he ever bear to not repay you in tenfold?
”you’re welcome,” he smiles, soft and saccharine and genuine. his lips brush against your forehead with a soft peck, one that has your body melting into his just a little more.
breakfast passes you both by in a flurry of warmth, splotches of sunlight and content hums, until you’re lying side by side beneath the blankets once again. curled up close to each other, with you resting on suguru’s chest, cheek smooshed right over his heart. his arm rests on your back, cradling you closer.
”that was delicious,” you chirp, something soft buzzing in your voice as you bite back a yawn. stretching your limbs out lazily, a honeyed smile on your face. ”as always.”
suguru’s a little too tired to fully hide the soft grin that crawls up to rest on his lips, almost smug. awfully happy with himself, and your words of earnest praise.
“yeah? ’m glad,” he hums, looking at you with affection swimming in his eyes. ”i haven’t lost my touch yet, then.”
”of course not,” you exhale, somewhere in between a huff and a chirp. “you could start a whole breakfast diner with your skills!”
the words are teasing, a little much, but laced with a syrupy sweet sincerity that has suguru’s heart doing laps in his chest. thump, thump, thump — strumming his heartstrings along as you please, conducting the orchestra inside his ribcage. but he’d much prefer to think of you as his muse.
a low chuckle rumbles through his body, akin to a purr. buzzing right by your ear, as his fingers curl around yours, his thumb rubbing soft circles into the skin of your hand. ”you think so?” 
an eager nod, as you gaze up at him happily. the sight makes his lips twitch upward, and he can only hope you don’t catch the way his heart skips a beat.
smoothing a large palm over your head, he tousles your hair fondly. ”yeah?” he chuckles, again. “you'll be my first customer, then.”
the smile on your face widens. ”will i get a discount?” you ask, a fuzzy contentment in the way your eyes glimmer. ”since i’m your favorite.”
suguru grins. a husky puff of laughter seeps out of his throat, filling the air with a palpable fondness. it’s almost overwhelming, the affection that simmers in his chest, a cup overflowing. he wants to reach over and smother you in kisses, wants to coo at you. wants to tell you how irresistable you are, like this; so cute and sleepy that he thinks you could probably coax him into giving you every star in the sky.
but that can all wait for another time. he doesn’t want to break the peace of the mellow moment, the subtle intimacy that lingers in the air. the playfulness in your words.
”of course,” he simply says, indulging you with a sweet smile. ”you’ll get all the discounts you want, baby. nothing less for my favorite customer.”
suguru’s eyes crinkle, brimming with love when he hears the happy little giggle that tumbles from your pretty lips. so pretty that he can’t resist pulling you a little closer, to give you another kiss — relishing in the way you soften against him. like you could fall asleep just like this, so safe and comfortable. breathing him in.
sunlight shines in through the window blinds, engulfing you in that familiar heavenly hue. your bedroom almost seems to glow, like a hazy polaroid, a moment that feels too precious to put into words. 
you look stunning, he thinks, with your droopy eyes and sleepy yawns. absolutely breathtaking. soaked in a brightness rivaling that of the sun herself, the most precious thing this world has to offer.
and suguru thinks to himself that this might just be it. that this might be all that he needs, all that he’ll ever need — but he already knew that.
he thinks of sunrises. of soft embraces and fluffy blankets, of expensive coffee pots and diamond rings, of the way your lips curl up every time he kisses you. he thinks of the light of morning, how it always seems to devour everything else. how it makes every sliver of darkness seem so inconsequential.
he thinks of how your presence always seems to do the same. 
when suguru looks down, pulled out of his lovesick stupor by the sound of a little snore, you’ve fallen back asleep. cheek squished against his bare chest, drooling a smidge as you dream so prettily, your chest rising up and down in a rhythmic serenity.
his heart flutters. fleeting and giddy, a little dove trapped in his chest. with a sweet coo, he reaches over to caress your skin with the back of his hand, careful not to wake you — so gentle that he holds his breath, as if afraid that even a single exhale could disrupt your well-deserved rest. 
butterflies dance in his stomach, when he sees the way that makes you smile. a whirlwind of them, wings fluttering eagerly, as if attempting to fly out of his throat. he gulps them down again, but he can still feel them. just like he could when you first met.
butterflies that still haven't gone away, despite how long you’ve been together. butterflies that never will go away, as long as there are plates to fill and breakfasts to be made.
in other words, they're there to stay — forever and ever.
(suguru’s gaze falls on your ring finger. he thinks of the secret in the bottom of the drawer, and wonders what kind of breakfast he should make for you when it’s time to bring it out.)
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fleur-bbyy · 1 year
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MOTH TO A FLAME
✰summary: kiri is staying at bakugo and his girlfriend’s house when he catches them having sex through the crack of their bedroom door. kiri discovers he’s into voyeurism.
✰ warnings: all characters aged up 21+, SEX (minors and ageless blogs dni!!!!), non-con voyeurism (is that a thing?), kink-discoveryish?, spitting, some degrading, creampie, female reader, oral (f receiving), bi panic for kiri, squirting, bkg is bigger than reader, belly bulge
✰wc: 2.5k
heavily inspired by “private affairs” by @lady-lauren (amazing writer and very kind person!!) might continue this, who knows!!
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he knows he shouldn’t be watching.
he’s a guest in his best friend’s house. graciously being able to stay in the guest room while his house is being fumigated. they’ve been nothing but accommodating. feeding him, insisting he not do any household chores, ensuring his comfort during his stay in the house.
how does he repay this kindness?
by watching his bakugo and his loving girlfriend go at it in their bedroom.
eijiro didn’t do it on purpose. he’d never go out of his way to watch his closest friend get to know his girl in the biblical sense. he was simply just trying to go get a glass of water from the kitchen, having to pass their room to do so. he kept his steps quiet, practically tip-toeing down the hall to not wake them if they were asleep. kirishima noticed the door was slightly cracked open as he was about to descend the stairs, but stopped mid-step when he heard the first noise.
he turned his head to look into the room when he heard the slight moans and whimpers that escaped through the crack of the door. it wasn’t opened enough to see everything, but he did see the way your legs were spread and glistened with a light sheen of sweat. your breast were bare, exposed to the gentle glow of the light you always kept on. your head thrown back as more of those sweet moans left your lips. he then noticed the large, calloused hands holding a grip hard enough to bruise on the plush skin of your thighs. strong arms wrapped around them to hold you in place. the blond was between your legs eating you like a man starved and covering your most private of areas with his head. the sight was enough to bring his dick to life and for him to drop his knees to the hardwoods with a soft thud. he hid in the shadows and mentally thanking whatever force compelled them to not fully shut their door.
“fuck kats. i’ve missed you so much. i need you.”
eijiro admired the way you sounded when you were overtaken to the waves of pleasure your boyfriend was drowning you in. he’d never admit it out loud, but he’d always thought you to be beautiful. always gentle, like a ray of sunshine that had fallen to the earth. i’m some ways, you were just like him. a stark contrast to katsuki, eijiro’s other schoolboy crush.
he let his mind drift to wonder about how you’d would taste on his tongue. you’d probably be the sweetest he’s ever had and he’d drink it up with fervor until you’d beg him to stop. he also wonders what’d it be like to have katsuki’s tongue running along the veins of his thick shaft. he accidentally lets a small moan slip, thankfully, it was covered by an even louder one from you as you released on katsuki’s face. thighs clenching and your manicured fingers digging into his blond hair. your hair swished as you threw your head back against the bed in pleasure, mouth forming the classic ‘o’ shape.
he decided to forego the glass of water when katsuki removed his mouth from your pussy to remove his cock from the grey sweats that hung lowly on his hips. he was built beautifully. rippling muscles that covered his entire body and a beautiful adonis belt that led straight to his dick. eijiro wondered if it was weird to call a dick pretty, but it was the only word that could describe katsuki. long and thick, but not as thick as the redhead that was spying in. a beautiful blue vein running along the erect shaft and his tip was a perfect shade of pink.
he pumped himself a few times to prepare to take you. eijiro doing the same. preparing to watch the love-making and passion between two very attractive individuals. just touching himself lightly enough to relieve the ache. ghosting his large fingers over the head and smearing some of his own pre down the length.
he knows it’s wrong
he knows he shouldn’t do it.
but he was too far gone to stop.
he was drawn to the scene unfolding before him like a moth to a flame. watching and admiring bakugo’s cock intently as he toyed with your entrance. rubbing the head up and down your wet slit until you were practically in tears begging him to push in. a loud moan leaving you when he finally does push all the way in. katsuki having to clamp his hand down on your mouth to try and keep you quiet as he began to rut into you. his hands gripping the curve where your waist and hips meet and low groans of his own escaping his mouth.
kirishima kept up with bakugo’s pace. fisting his cock to the rhythm he created as his hips snapped against yours. eijiro wished it was his name rolling off your pink tongue as he fucked you. watching your tits bounce with every thrust given and wishing his could just reach out and touch you.
he also wished to be under katsuki. he wanted to be the person katsuki was sweetly praising and hatefully degrading. wanted to know what it felt like when he wrapped a thick hand around his throat like bakugo had just done to you.
“‘m so fuckin’ addicted to you. pussy’s a drug, baby.”
he shuddered at the sound of katsuki’s voice. stern tone lacing the words that left his lips and made kirishima wish he was on his knees before him. his cock practically jumped in his hand every time bakugo spoke filth down to you.
“‘m gonna fuck you into the shape of my cock.”
“you’re just a desperate fucking slut, so greedy f’me.”
“roll those fuckin’ hips on me, princess.”
having to choke back his own whimpers to remain unnoticed. eijiro relished at the hot tears that ran down your cheeks that katsuki had so kindly wiped away for you before harshly tapping your cheek.
“open up, baby.” you obeyed his every command as a string on spit fell from his tongue and into your mouth. swallowing it without much of a second thought. eijiro’s eyes rolled back as he continued to beat his cock to the sliver of a view he had of the pair of you.
you whined when katsuki abruptly pulled out. he flipped you over and bent you over your shared bed before burying himself back in your wet heat.
“‘s too much baby!” you whined as he pistoned his hips into you at a faster, rougher pace.
“shut the fuck up and take this cock.”
eijiro was getting closer with every stroke of his fist. having to use one of his own hands to help him choke back and muffle the sounds threatening to spill from him. the fire burning in his abdomen only growing every time your ass jiggled from the rough pace katsuki had set. more of his pre leaking out of his slit and quickly being used as lube to keep himself going.
eijiro intently listened as your moans became louder and of a higher pitch. endless strings of slurred and babbling words coming from your mouth as you warned your boyfriend of another incoming release.
“fuck… fuck gonna cum, kats, gonnafuckingcum.”
“that’s it, princess, cum all over my cock. wanna feel you clench around me.”
if kirishima could see your face, he’d bet your eyes would be rolling to the back of your head as bakugo hit that sweet, spongy spot inside of you. he was about to let himself go until katsuki spoke up again.
“i know you’ve got another one in you-“
getting so horny for this was disgusting.
“-so be a good girl for me, yeah?”
but he was willing to be a called-out pervert if that meant he could continue watching.
he slowed the hand that jerked his cock, bound and determined to finish when you cum again. eijiro loved watching you be used as a cocksleeve. loved watching your beautiful cunt grip your boyfriend’s cock and suck it into your body.
and bakugo looked like a dictionary picture of power. he looked so domineering over you. a behemoth compared to your shorter frame. he’s always been strong and just simply better at everything because he wanted to be. nobody ever holding him back from something he wanted. eijiro imagines him to be the best fuck he could ever dream of having, somewhat envying you for being the one that gets to experience it.
“you’re so fucking deep in me.” a another bead of pre-cum rolls out of his slit when he notices the bulge in your belly every time katsuki pushes all the way in. he wishes it was his cock. he wishes it was his stomach. he’s never seen someone look so pretty taking a pounding like this before. bakugo’s hips speeding up as he tries to bring you over the edge before he falls victim to his own release. maneuvering a hand down to toy with your sensitive clit, causing your whines to grow louder and more needy. your cunt squelches with every thrust he gives and you take it all with grace.
“y’gonna come f’me again baby? gonna cum with me?”
he’s so close.
“fuck, kats, please.”
so goddamn close.
your words slur and become airy as if bakugo is knocking all the breath from your lungs. eijiro hopes that his best friend is going to fill your sweet pussy so he can imagine it’s his cum dripping out of you. his balls feel tighter and with every moan or groan he hears spill from your mouths, he finds the coil in his stomach to be twisting tighter. just a few more strokes and he’ll be done for.
“right there, kats! fuck.. please! i’m gonna cum.. i’m cumming! i’m cumming!”
“fuck yes baby, take this shit. cum on my fat cock. cum with me, princess.” eijiro loses himself at the piercing whine that leaves you when you squirt on your boyfriend. watching the clear liquid gush from your tight and stuffed hole sends him and katsuki over the edge at the same time. eijiro biting his hand and drawing blood as he tucks his dick back into his sweats to catch the load of cum that erupts from him. he watched bakugo’s every reaction as he came. head thrown back and brow furrowed as he continued to snap his hips into yours. grabbing a fistful of your hair and pulling you towards him. he watched the way the warm glow of light illuminated the sweat on your bodies and it made him feel as if he could jerk off again.
he payed extra close attention when katsuki slowly pulled himself from you. your hole gaping from being stretched by the massive man and dribbles of his white hot cum running out of your pussy. he intently watched once more as bakugo scooped up the cum and pushed it back in to you.
“not wasting a drop, baby.”
he had to close his eyes before he got riled up again, but he couldn’t bask in the post-nut clarity either. as quickly as possible getting off of his knees and trying to quietly walk on wobbly legs down to the kitchen to get himself the water that he actually needs now. somberly thinking of what he’d done.
eijiro kirishima is not a pervert. he didn’t do shit like that, but here he was. standing in the kitchen of his best friend’s house after busting a nut to them having sex with the wet patch on the inside of his sweats to prove it.
he stared at a dust bunny that had gathered where the countertop and wall met. he felt as dirty as that spot as guilt overtook his body. weighing down his muscular shoulders. the air felt thick and almost suffocating as he tried to take a few deep breaths to ease the shame that had settled in.
carefully making his way back up the stairs, he hoped to just walk on by. hoped that this would be a thing to only weigh down on him and him only. hoped he could put the disgusting, perverted, and voyeuristic act behind him.
you can only hope for so much when you’re guilty.
“eijiro.” he heard the booming voice of katsuki right as he passed the doorway. it was quiet enough for him to question if he was dreaming or not. he stopped in his tracks, glass in hand, to try and hear movement in the bedroom and see if anyone was awake.
“i know you’re out there, ei.” shit. he wasn’t dreaming. he felt the weight on his shoulders double as he tried to find his voice to respond back.
“yeah?” it was all he could muster. ashamed, embarrassed. there’s no way they didn’t know about what he did. he’d been caught.
“come here.” the two words were confusing to kiri, but his legs moved to enter the room anyways. was he going to get his ass beat? kicked out? murdered? he wasn’t sure. but he did know his eyes weren’t deceiving at what was laid out before him.
you were still on the bed, but had flipped over on your back and propped up on your elbows, completely naked. he got a good look at your still hardened nipples and glistening cunt from the fuck you’d had 10 minutes prior. katsuki was also still naked. standing at the side of the bed in all his glory, cock still half hard. eijiro’s eyes widened at the sight.
“i know you were watching us.” is all katsuki can say before streams of ‘sorry’s’ and ‘I swear it was a one time thing’ leaving his mouth before he could even think about what he was saying.
“there’s no need to be a fuckin’ baby about it,” bakugo cut his apologies off, “princess here loved it, didn’t you?” the two men look over at you as you smiled and nodded your pretty little head.
“y’know, we’ve both never came so hard before, so we thought we could reward you a bit.” your voice was sickeningly sweet. you could ask eijiro to do anything for you and he’d do it, no questions ask if you continued to lure him in with your seductive voice. your eyes were half-lidded as you looked up at him through your eyelashes. taking in the bashful expression on his face.
“reward.. me?” kirishima felt weak in the knees again as his cock stirred to life once more at the thought of either of you giving him a little something.
“yeah, yeah. you want it?” katsuki spoke, looking unbothered, bored even. eijiro nodded his head without a sliver of hesitation. his excitement resembled a puppy wagging when a treat is held in front of its face. his entire body felt like it was jumping in anticipation and the pressure holding his shoulders down had lifted. it felt like he’d gotten one hundred times lighter. like he was floating
he gasped when bakugo grabbed a fistful of his red hair and pushed him to his knees, facing your pretty pussy. his tongue darted out to lick his lips before katsuki spoke again.
“you want us? eat my fuckin’ cum outta her cunt.”
eijiro didn’t pay any mind to the dull ache that spread across his scalp. nothing would cause him to hesitate at the opportunity to taste the two of you.
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happy74827 · 1 month
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Butterflies
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[Harvey Specter x Female!Reader]
Synopsis: You know you’re screwed when you feel them fluttering in your chest {GIF Creds: jeysuso}.
WC: 717
Category: Fluff
For all my Harvey lovers out there, I made a cute fluffy quickie (I’m seeing a lot of my fics being swarmed with love so why not add to it 🤗)
『••✎••』
It happened over a bottle of bourbon. A spilled bottle, actually. But a bottle of bourbon nonetheless, and that is important to note.
You didn’t mean to spill the alcohol all over your date, but he had made some comment about how you shouldn't be wearing a dress with a plunging neckline, so you just… happened to tip the entire thing over him.
The man was furious, of course, but he left pretty quickly after that. And you were left with a mess on the floor and a waiter hovering at the side, asking if you wanted another bottle.
You told him no. You just wanted to go home.
You didn't want a new date; you didn't want to sit at this stupid table with the stupid white tablecloth, the stupid, gaudy candlesticks, or the stupid waiter with the stupid, expectant look on his face.
"Miss?"
"No, thank you," you say, a little more firmly, gathering up your things and leaving as much cash as you can on the table. If you were smart, you'd have brought an umbrella, but you're not smart, so you'll just get drenched like an idiot.
But, fortunately for you, the person calling your name knew you well enough to know you weren’t that smart.
Before a drop of water could even hit your hair, a tall, dark figure steps out in front of you and blocks the downpour. Some might consider this a gentlemanly action, but you knew the man, and he was hardly ever a gentleman.
"You're welcome," Harvey says, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"You're a pain," you reply, but you're grateful for the cover.
"And you're dateless. So, I see two options: we can have dinner and a drink back at my place, or we can do dinner and a drink back at mine."
You can't help but laugh. "Did you use this on Scottie? I see why she left. That line was bad."
"You're not going to ask how I knew you were here?"
"Nope. You probably had Louis stalk me."
"Don't talk about the puppy like that."
"So you did have him stalk me!"
"I prefer the term 'make sure you were alright,'" Harvey replies, and he holds out his arm to you. "Guy was a douche. Let me buy you dessert to make up for it. And I don’t mean in the biblical sense, although that can be arranged, too, if you'd like."
"Harvey, you’re such—"
You turned to him, ready to tell him exactly what you thought of him, but the words died when you met his eyes. Those same eyes that allured you into taking his offer at Pearson Hardman. The same eyes that made you agree to work with him on the case despite your better judgment.
In a flash, you saw the whole thing: your first meeting, the cases, the laughs, the looks, the touches. And now, the moment.
When you were younger, the term butterflies had never really made sense to you. The idea of feeling them in your stomach seemed ridiculous, and yet, there you were, feeling them for the very first time.
They were all fluttering around inside of you, and all you could think was, "Oh, no."
And as if the universe had heard you, it suddenly stopped raining, and you both stood there in the middle of the street, the moon casting a warm light on your faces.
Harvey noticed it, too, and his expression softened. His usual cockiness was replaced with a gentle concern. "You okay?"
You nodded, biting your lip. "Yeah."
Harvey reached up and brushed a strand of hair away from your face, his hand lingering a moment longer than it needed to. He gave you that signature grin and asked, "You look like a velvet cake kind of girl. Am I right?"
He was right.
Goddamnit, he was right.
And as he swaddled you in his coat to keep you warm as you both went back inside, the anger and confusion you felt earlier melted into a quiet, warm glow.
Date night had not gone according to plan, but when his lips met yours and your hands slid through his soft, brown hair, you realized that, perhaps, sometimes, it was good to deviate from the plan.
The butterflies seemed to agree.
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soulrph · 11 months
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chaotic unhinged lines from 2022-2023 (prompt edition).
basically in 2021 i made a list of prompts inspired by lines in tiktok videos and instagram reels that made me laugh so hard i cried! and now i have returned with another list! these may provide an alarmingly clear image of what my sense of humor is (aka broken) but i figure a little levity is always a good thing! more prompts are forthcoming, but in the mean time: bon appetit!
knowledge has always chased you, but you've always been faster.
no... no, that was mango apathy juice. from the farmer's market.
of all these people, you are the one i understand the least. i want to get to know you better, but like, not that much better.
i-i will CHEW YOUR MEAT!! WHAT are you doing?!
ooooh god, no, you wouldn't be long getting frostbit!
you are evil. like a hobbit.
WHY MUST YOU FAIL ME SO OFTEN?!?!!?
i have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
AHEM!! fill my cup.
may god ignore you like you ignored my greetings.
i will avenge you mister van gogh.
call off work bestie, we need you to solve a murder. here's fifteen dollars.
you're not in love. you may think you are, you dumb fuck, but you're not.
go ahead and put the ranch away.
sadly, "hopefully" doth butter no parsnips.
forget school, i want to be an italian sandwich.
you shouldn't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster.
you can stop roleplaying now. you're free.
her coupon game was so fucking raw.
i'm sorry guys... he's making a salad.
you could get a straight guy here if you learned to make a good pasta. i'll teach you how to make a risotto that'll get you married and out of my basement.
hey, do you want me to get together a plate of roast beef and hide it in our room so we can have night meats?
it's not the most ethical thing in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby.
no, children, you're wrong. once upon a time, there was a piece of wood.
and i'm not saying she deserved it, but i am saying that god's timing is always riiiiight.
hydrate or die-drate, ya DICK!
why did the monkey fall out of the tree? because it was DEAD.
new york city is a fictional place written up by someone with a sinister mind and a knack for comedy.
this is grindr my guy.
wait, i didn't finish teaching you the difference between human and wolf anatomy.
it's time to tell your grandmother that she was wrong. do not be afraid.
vanilla vodka... you fucking child.
without ash to rise from, a phoenix would just be a bird getting up.
you are fucking alive. do what you want.
why are you cradling me like a baby, friend? this isn't how guys of my generation hang out.
i hope a hedgehog shits in your cereal, you difficult person.
you know, i am not as mean as i would like to be. and i think people should appreciate that more.
see, i am not a kangaroo.
well, i'd like to help, but... you see... not as much as i'd like not to.
rest in peace you fucking onion fairy.
when god sings with all his creations, will a turtle not be part of the choir?
i fight for a seat in heaven, every. single. day.
map maker? can you find me somewhere on the map where this big man thinks he's the king?
you bald-headed demon...
so... there are 24 million pigs in australia... and 24 million people... so if you ever feel lonely, there's like, a pig out there that's sort of your cosmic twin.
remember, alcohol is god's apology for making us self-aware.
i'm straight!! stop CONFUSING me!!!!!
you guys want something to eat? because... i know we'll die if we don't eat.
he is a BIBLICALLY gorgeous man. i wanna feed him grapes. i wanna fan him with the frond of a date palm from the forests of Lebanon. i wanna find the alabaster vial of perfume oil that one woman broke for jesus and comb it through his hair. like... he's stressing me OUT.
i'm not sad! i'm freaking HUNGRY!
maybe, if we wait a little bit longer, a fuck will fall into my hand, and i can give it to you.
it's not my fault you thought you lived in this IKEA.
let's leave my mother out of this.
jason may kill people but he's not bad enough to kick a dog.
i run for LUMP!
oh no, i'm all out of caring, baby!
you don't think it mcbe that way... but it mcdo.
what is this enticing bowl of white?
serious question, do his nipples sparkle?
what in the reese's peanut butter fuck is going on here?
if your parents don't buy it, stop loving them!
i just hope you know just how much you've decreased productivity today.
that was poetry at its FINEST.
and if you let that motherfucker shenan ONCE, you best believe they're gonna shenanIGAN!
may god bless the dinosaur that died to make the fossil fuel that was treated to become petrol in the car that took her mom to the hospital to give birth to her.
that's modern milk for ya. what a time to be alive.
you have attachment issues. please fix it.
remember when people had secrets? we should bring that back.
the moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal.
i don't like the cobra chicken.
i didn't know eggs were this expensive? it's time to lay my own, i fear.
so you're saying the reason i don't have a girlfriend is because i'm not a big enough threat yet.
god gave him a top lip, that's why he's so powerful.
it's a common mistake, but frankenstein was actually the author.
i finally got a pocket-sized diary!!! also i don't get the concept of life.
if a beautiful woman disagrees with me, i will immediately change my view. i've no principles.
how did you all end up married to such boiled potatoes?
if so much as one tear drops from their eye... i will slap you back into your mum.
you are ringing a phone that does not like to be rung.
look how Dr. doofenschmirtz had a fucked up childhood but didn't project his trauma onto his teenage daughter. he projected it onto a platypus.
it is mathematically impossible for you to get a wedgie.
i'm breaking up with you. i love you, it's just... i don't think you could protect me from a mummy.
if you can't do fractions....... you will fucking die.
that's right; in the year 1791, all of our bottoms were killed in a Big Bottom Massacre.
people always assume i'm mean. like CAN you BELIEVE THAT CRAP?! like WHAT would make you think i'm MEAN?! I'M THE NICEST PERSON ON THE PLANET!
the chocolate milk is strikingly overpriced and at the same time very easy to steal; another of god's little tests.
someone's gotta tell the waiter that i ordered mashed 'taters and it sure as shit ain't gonna be me.
if i had a week i couldn't list all the reasons that wouldn't work.
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