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so-this-is-hell · 4 months

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Ok I watched the leaked episodes

Let’s start with the positives! I love positives!

- Alex Brightman put his whole Alexussy into this shit oh my god, Pentious and Adam actually sound really good. Adam singing is also really really good. Alex can sing in character and carry things well and I’m glad now he’s part of the project. Because at least it’ll be bearable if I see the other episodes.

-Vox is actually weirdly really compelling? Like I actually ended up enjoying the vibe he’s got and his own voice grew on me, I know it’s not what people wanted but it works well.

-Nifty’s voice is pretty ok, so is Charlie’s. They’re some of the better voices of the cast, Alastor’s performance was uh. It wasn’t bad so there’s that!

-the opening exposition was needed but also a bit hamfisted- wait shit the positives- uh, I love the direction it went? Art wise?

-the songs are pretty good, they get you from point A to point B, and at least wasn’t Poison levels of cringe in writing.

-Charlie actually helping Pentious in episode 2 try to repent and be a better person actually feels nice, like a crumb of what the show should of be-

…

Ok let’s get to the point.

-the episodes clearly are trying to shove as much of the plot as humanly possible, to the point that you get whiplash.

-Angel Dust, Vaggie, Valentino, Husk all have voices that either do not fit, crack from the pressure to perform, or are trying so hard to mimic the previous voice that it’s actually worrying. The Angel dust one in particular I’ll get to when I get to the point.

-The plot starts with the main antagonist, literally telling Charlie that her plan is pointless and she should give up. There’s no actual “I want” song to counter this, unless you count the song where Adam mocks her for trying and tells her the exterminations will happen twice a year now.

-Pentious at least wasn’t a creep like i was fearing in the script, but he comes off too pathetic? Like I know he was pathetic and that’s the point but why the fuck does he want to be equal to the Vees now? Didn’t he want to rule over hell himself? I know the instagram had him crop himself into pictures with the Vees but remember those aren’t canon!

-I realized I was able to hop in because I had Wikipedia level knowledge of these characters to the point they click in my head (and enough to where Alastor, Charlie, Vaggie and Husk all felt a little off but that’s neither here nor there). But god I cannot imagine being a new person trying to jump into this show, this is bad. None of the characters get actually introduced outside of Charlie, the show references the pilot which isn’t part of the show so new audiences have no idea what they’re talking about, and the staff gets actually introduced in episode 2. EPISODE 2, TO PENTIOUS!? GIRLIE POP HAVE HIM COME EPISODE 1 THEN?

-Animation that’s either too floaty, too janky, too stiff or straight up traced. Which I don’t blame the animators for, Mammon was busy buying 10,000 dollars worth of peacocks to bother paying them more than a dollar per frame. There’s no charm here.

-Where did the fucking cat key come from? No I’m serious. Where did it come from? It just kinda exists now.

-Alastor’s commercial is just straight up MEAN and he’s often more mean than chaotic, which I know is ironic since he wasn’t a good person and I wasn’t expecting him to be but it’s to a point where it’s not even fun mean. He literally called Charlie’s endeavor “Daddy issues”. It felt like he was just there to slap Charlie in the face.

-Angel Dust rant is gonna be so long that I saved it for last.

I have to put it under the read more because of talk of SA! Fun!

Ok.

I’m saying this as someone who loved him from the pilot and was willing to excuse his behavior as “flaws he can work on” since Addict and everything else proved that there was more under the surface and he was a character that could change and grow and-

…

Angel dust, the rape victim… the guy running away from his abuser…

The Angel dust who has traumatic episodes so fucking graphic that he flashes back to them when he’s performing.

Saying “yeah no, fucking sexually exploit me! It turns me on!”

Viv, I know you’re not reading this but I mean this genuinely.

Fuck you.

As someone who’s family has experienced sexual abuse, as someone who’s family still has CPTSD because men in power decide to exploit them… how fuckin dare you make a character enjoy their own exploitation.

This isn’t me kink shaming a sexual character! He can be sexual and like sex! It’s never been the problem and hell it could of been liberation to have sex he deserves.

But no.

Let’s make the SA victim into the sexual harassment character, let’s make the SA victim the Stolas of the show where he wears down his love interest so thin that they have to give up.

Let’s make the SA victim still work under his shitty abuser, and make that into a joke as the abuser mentions wanting to rape everyone in the hotel.

Don’t pay to watch this show, I mean it.

Pirate it.

Hell don’t even watch it, find something better to watch. I’ve been binging anime as of late and I still like captain lazerhawk.

#hazbin leaks #hazbin hotel critical #oh yeah btw I reneg my statement of letting go of Angel dust #I’m stealing his ass #Viv stole from people anyways #Angel dust is now my character and I am keeping him away from Valentino #The radio dust au is gonna be my comfort from this

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weebsinstash · 3 months

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*strums guitar* you know who would be a total piece of shit, to be stuck up in Heaven fuckin FOREVER with

This douchebag! Gotta get some Adam content out before the finale drops and then I'm sure I'll be back for more then too!

I was listening to "You Didn't Know" again and I HATE this man, and because I hate him and he's an asshole, I can then see his wretched character doing shitty and debauched things

Which then means he's conceptually fuckable and we must discuss

I was sitting and thinking about. Ok in the most dramatic fucking way possible can you imagine being in the courtroom with Charlie as a Sinner Representative because you're dope like that, and Adam just starts fucking beefing with you on sight and you give it right back to him because HOMIE BASICALLY INVENTED MISOGYNY, you're standing in HEAVEN while an ANGEL looks you dead in the eye and calls you a CUNT like I wouldn't fucking tolerate it I'd be screaming at him like a feral beast, "why don't you look at your FEMALE BOSS and say that again, you dickless loser?!"

But can you imagine just having this insane BEEF, you guys are having MUSICAL DIAGETIC SINGING BEEF, and then, like. Either there in court or later on in the plot, hey, everything is good now, Sinners/you can ascend or we can go from heaven and hell and visit our families and everything is good now, yaaay! Or your name was mispelled on a form and it's like oh shit you were supposed to be in Heaven all along our bad and ONLY you are cool to "go upstairs"

And you can't even be happy about it because it's literally "oh cool I DO belong in Heaven!">wait but my friends are in Hell > oh fuck THAT ANGEL THAT HATES ME IS HERE, and sure enough he's standing there at the pearly gates to personally welcome you into Heaven, grinning like the cat that ate the canary, making it EXTREMELY CLEAR that he's basically gonna be stalking you because he wants to personally witness you fuck up and get sent back to Hell where he can kill you himself

Homie is back at base posting photos of you all over the walls like an insane person, "look at this tricky fucking bitch, fucking scheming, fucking planning something, fucking bitch" and even Lute is standing there, ".... that's a photo of them eating a sandwich, sir" and she's like TRYING to see where he's coming from but these are photos of you like SLEEPING and the suspicion that you might act out becomes an excuse to stalk you as he gets progressively more unhinged and perverted and frustrated (in more ways than one)

Let's also just discuss some baseline ideas! Abso fucking lutely do I see him as some, frat boy piece of shit who is always at least vaguely hostile to women so we're discussing female Reader specific ideas. Like imagine he's trying to actually be friendly and be cool with you or maybe you guys even hang out on good terms or whatever, maybe you both play guitar and he likes how you can shred it, and, he's the kinda guy to invite you to hang out and not specify other people are gonna be there so you get there and he's with his buddies and they're all talking about, gross shit like the size of the tits on the girl they last fucked, "oh hey did you sleep with Stacey" "fuck yeah I slept with Stacey you know that slut takes anyone", like, Adam deadass expects you to stand next to him with your red solo cup as they all talk about "the massive cow tits on that bitch" and if you even mildly imply this isn't entertaining "you're just bein a prude babe!"

Like Adam has no self awareness, he'll be saying horrid shit about women and then one of his buddies makes the most MILD of comments about you, "yeah your friend is kinda fuckable" and Adam is like in a RAGE, "hey man, that's not fucking cool! Let's go, outside NOW, fuckin step up, bro!" and he's brawling dudes for shit he's said about their conquests PLENTY of times

Just picturing the idea of like idk Saint Peter or even Emily flying around and they see you sitting on a bench outside far far away from where other people are and they fly down to greet you with the biggest smile, "hiya, how are you?" and you um look at them with such a genuinely dead, depressed, empty expression that they like cannot even fathom it. You're??? Unhappy??? In HEAVEN??? they cannot even comprehend it.

The real kicker is if you started to CRY and look this angel or seraph directly in the eyes as you ask, "can i... go back to Hell? I'm allowed to leave, right?" and THAT'S what raises massive red flags and sends that angel straight to their fucking boss. Sera would be over here, "oh she's having problems with Adam oh that's unfortunate but they'll sort them out -- WAIT WHAT DO YOU M E A N SHE WANTS TO LEAVE????" And,, oh, NOW they suddenly care about how happy you are, NOW they're suddenly willing to help maybe mildly keep Adam away from you. Because why? Because now you're potentially going to damage Heaven's perfect track record, and, geez they can't have you running around DEPRESSED, with your face looking all... ICKY and SAD! What if you made the other darlin-- I mean other residents of heaven sad and they maybe wanted to leave their precious angel protectors too? Huh? Ever think of that?

I love how I was sitting over here "what if like the entire Spider Society was yandere for the Reader" and ever since then my brain is like a puppy chasing treats, "what if I made this entire community mentally unhinged"

Also. Carmilla Carmine and her family + Zestial protecting Reader from Adam or any other angels because 👏 we can have as many mommies or daddies or fake family members as we want down here and that's the facts on that 👏

#hh #yandere hellaverse #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere x reader #sinprompts

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boarcide · 5 months

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There is something so good about Akutagawa--a very much feared, boogeyman like figure (even amongst his own men) in Yokohama because of his violence, bloodlust, and steadfast loyalty to a violent criminal organization such as the Port Mafia--given biblical angel symbolism

I don't know, something something about someone whose beauty is so incomprehensible and terrifying to most. He's not physically ugly, he's not--he's beautiful, the type of beautiful that almost feel as if he's not a real person, like he's a mirage, or a painting. But he's beautiful not like those renaissance cherubs and lovely looking maidens for angels, but more like the biblical angels with their beauty beyond mortal grasp, the beauty that brings fear and revulsion towards whoever sees them because they cannot comprehend it. Coming across him makes you understand why angels say, "Be not afraid" when they reveal themselves to mortals. An incomprehensible beauty that very few can keep looking at. A dangerous feat, literally and metaphorically.

(This isn't only with his physical appearance either--for someone who is constantly beaten down both by canon and by the fandom for being "simple", he is a terrifying bundle of different aspects that contradict each other. Like a super machine you open up and you see the intricate criss crossing of wires and bolts that hold it together. He's a mess of nerves and feelings and experiences so profound, so horrific, that you don't know where to start with him. To uncoil him and see him truly bare is almost impossible. Where does he end and the roots that connect him to the earth begin?)

Something about Akutagawa being an angel, a being created entirely to follow the will of "God", obey their every word. Unwavering loyalty to their master while singing praise. Acting entirely on the order of their master--wing always dipped in blood for his sake. A weapon of "heaven' that brings destruction to those who oppose "God" and be one of the many upon which "God" rests upon.

(Almost everything Akutagawa does is for the sake of the Port Mafia, taking orders from the "master" (boss) himself. Willingness and obedience and loyalty repeatedly exploited and used, everything he has done as one of the high ranking leaders handling most of the Mafia's dirty work playing a part so Mori's throne stays high.)

Something about comparing Akutagawa to a certain archangel, finding repulsion in "God"'s cherished creation, the inferiority that came with being "less" to "mankind", and the painful fall from grace to the deepest pits of despair when he confronts the being that created him, molded him, and then condemn him. And to his humiliation, mankind, for centuries, condemns him too.

(He can't be compared to Lucifer, God's most beloved angel. Maybe Dazai did value him, but it doesn't matter, does it? because the difference between the two is that one was cherished and one never was. However, you can compare the rage and humiliation Akutagawa felt towards Atsushi--for obtaining Dazai's approval and affection with no effort, no proper control over his skill or any seemingly differentiating quality-- to Lucifer's refusal to bow down to humanity--a creation inherently imperfect and lackluster, with not the qualities of angels. And as a result? Disgraced. Both by the creator and by ones that held their creator's favor. )

Something about Akutagawa being an angel--someone whose presence means nothing pleasant to those he appears before. A reaper of sorts, responsible for taking life and for souls to see the afterlife (killing both as an order and an act of mercy, for he despises torture and meaningless suffering). A guardian angel watching over "mankind" from afar, where he is not aware and saving him from certain death at his own expense.

There's just something so appealing about depicting Akutagawa--a fearsome, ruthless, and bloodthirsty mafioso, a boogeyman to his own men--as an angel, be it of death, of mercy, a destroying angel-- whatever anyone wants to see him as and use him for.

#ryuunosuke akutagawa #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #bungo stray dogs akutagawa #character analysis #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #this post was brought to you by delulu gang #I just love akutagawa I love how despite how monstrous his actions are he looks almost angelic while doing it #maybe not angelic is the conventional sense but what is an angelic abomination if not an angel #ive said he's beautiful the way a spider is beautiful and its true #its much more accurate in a sense: he's all long limbs #cloaked in black #eyes too big and eerie #and many people don't like him the way they dont like spiders. the way people harm and attack or straight up avoid him #he's like a spider that had been crushed under the sole of your heels until he pops #but he is equally an angelic beauty; equally as divine as he is grotesque and horrifying #he is ultimately incomprehensible to most people. those who don't bother to look deeper at him #Even those who do “know” him do not know his heart. Dazai may know what he wants and how he works but he does not know his heart #anyways good morning America

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thephantomessoftheopera · 4 months

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I tried to find an answer on this but I couldn’t find it. Do you know why Christine said that she gave Erik her soul and now she is dead? Why did she say it and what does it mean?

Hello and sorry for taking so long to answer! This is a very interesting ask. Let‘s have a look at the scene first where she says so. The dialogue takes place in chapter 2, where Raoul overhears it while eavesdropping outside Christine‘s dressing room:

The man‘s voice spoke again: „You must be tired.“ „Oh yes! Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead.“ „Your soul is very beautiful, my child,“ said the man‘s deep voice, „and I thank you. No emperor ever received such a gift! The angels wept tonight.“

After her gala performance, Christine was so weak that she had to be carried of the stage. She gave everything in that performance, and the „I‘m dead“ means that she is, literally, completely and utterly exhausted — both mentally and physically.

The „I gave you my soul“ expresses how much of her heart she put into the performance — and she did so for Erik, who is still the „Angel“ to her at this point. As the critic wrote, „he had to assume that she had just fallen in love for the first time“.

When Erik taught Christine to sing, it was not just about perfecting her technique. It was more about unlocking her soul, her passion that lay buried beneath all the grief over her father‘s death. During the gala night, Christine was able to channel all those emotions into her singing, and she did so for Erik. In the French text, she says „ce soir, je vous ai donné mon âme“, and what I find interesting is that this phrase is implicitely mirrored by Erik later. In „At the Masked Ball“, Erik sings „Nuit d‘Hyménée“, the wedding night song from „Roméo et Juliette“ when coming for Christine, and one of the lines is „Je t‘ai donné mon âme“…

(If you haven‘t listened to it yet, DO IT! It‘s a lovely song, and this one comes with subtitles: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_X8LsHwJXfA)

#phantom of the opera #asks #gaston leroux #leroux phantom #le fantôme de l'opéra #erik x christine

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puckgoss · 6 days

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Okay great! Same anon from before. BTW, love your blog! The others seem to have a clear bias but I love how you keep it real over here. Super interesting as well! Now with the real deal...

CELEBS:

Justin Bieber is super nice, he seemed genuinely honored and happy to be there. Him and Mitch Marner are sooo cute, Justin was so supportive of him all the time and cheered backstage so much. He's also cool with Crosby apparently, saw them talking a lot. Met Hailey briefly and not surprised, just classic model behavior, glasses on inside, didn't say hi to anybody just a slight smile. It's fine I guess but compared to Justin who was a ray of sunshine seemed kinda odd. Michael Bublé did not 'accidentally' take a huge dose of weed, he was joking about how high he was and laughing about smoking more afterwards. Will Arnett is like a drunk uncle but not drunk. Both nice. Tate McCrae is soo sweet! I felt her because we were only like 5/6 women backstage and she was the only female captain, also with an ex who is an NHL player so already has that "puck bunny" reputation, so her being there was cool to see. Her BF was also backstage, but I don't think the players knew it was her BF haha, a colleague and I noticed at least 15 of the guys walking up to her and chatting it up. Ones I remember that looked flirty are Sway, the Hughes (they talked throughout the whole weekend and they're all around the same age so may have been friendly but you know how men are), Elias Lindholm, Elias Petterson, & Mat Barzal. She obviously talked to a lot of people but these I remember looking more like them trying to get somewhere with her. Her and her BF are so cute though! He was very touchy with her. Saw her talking to Boone Jenner for a while, but he seemed just friendly. He is also her ex's teammate so wonder what that's about.

PLAYERS:

Auston Matthews is actually really charismatic. At one point the whole dressing room went quiet and we heard him singing "Baby" by Justin Bieber. We all cracked up haha. The Hughes brothers had a fight the first day, don't really know about what but Jack walked in upset and Quinn wouldn't even look at him. Both with their frowning RBF. McDavid had the same attitude as Hailey Bieber LOL. He softened up a bit when talking to other players but otherwise he is super cold always. Pasta and Travis Konecny also seemed to lowkey hate each other. Colleague told me Travis doesn't like Pasta at all but can't 100% confirm that as I didn't hear it directly, just an interesting rivalry. The Canucks players were like a group of mean girls, they literally stuck together the entire weekend, even if they were drafted to separate teams. Vincent Trocheck flirted his ASS off with several women, myself included. Found out later he was married. Swayman is truly a nice person, I think he and Boone Jenner were the only ones who said hi to the whole crew and also goodbye. Also saw him and Georgiev have a bro-hug after they lost the game and he said something to him that made him really laugh, it was very cute. The Hughes also seem to not like Suzuki, avoided him all weekend. Cale Makar is like a doll haha he is so awkward all the time and everytime he speaks his face looks like he immediately regrets it.

That's all at the top of my head, but if there's anything else you want to know LMK!

ahaha ty ty! i def have my biases when it comes to teams but i try pretty hard to keep it neutral and not give my biases away 😭 as for players i don't have any faves or rly think any are angels so i have no preconceptions there

omg there is so much to unpack here idek where to begin

justin bieber - he did seem so happy to be there the whole time lol he loves hockey and the leafs i think that was all 100% genuine! so sweet

hailey bieber - sounds abt right lol

michael bublé - lmaooooo tell me ur from vancouver without telling me ur from vancouver.... iconic he was so funny that whole weekend

tate mcrae - ya i forget her bf's name but i was aware he was there n they do seem v cute together! love all the wifed up guys chatting her up ahaha except barzy n petey they get a pass. another anon on here was telling me all the CBJ guys & wags liked tate a lot so doesn't surprise me that boone & her were friendly

hughes brothers - jack n quinn having a fight is soooo funny omfg i can't. also being bitchy towards suzuki like 😭 funny bc they're so tight w cole caufield (esp jack) n suzuki n cole are teammates and besties

mcdavid - you comparing mcdavid to hailey bieber is fucking sending me dsiofjdskghdfjklgh he is so awkward...

TK - TK having beef w pasta is soooo funny

canucks - canucks players "like a group of mean girls" i'm dying omfg 💀 lindholm was drafted to a separate team ya but he was only traded to the canucks like a few days before that so that was the first time they were really meeting him

trocheck - flirting his ass off with multiple women dsfknadslfkjgfng his kids were literally on the ice watching the skills comp w him that's soooo bad

swayman & jenner - being sweethearts aw that is nice to hear

cale makar - "like a doll" "awkward all the time" "every time he speaks his face looks like he immediately regrets it" perfect no notes!!!

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carebearmareee · 8 months

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random ass redacted headcanons bc i don’t have a life

• guy and honey would go see “& juliet” (after a wholeee lot of convincing from guy) and guy would be like whisper singing along the whole time

• asher and babe do matching costumes every halloween, if they shaw pack holds a costume contest, they are the winners for sure

• i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, angel and honey are both readers. honey is just a bit embarrassed by the fact that they enjoy emily henry’s writing so guy doesn’t need to know they read romance yet

• on the other hand, david will literally read anything that angel recommends to him, even if he thinks he’s going to hate it (he always ends up liking the books at least a little bit)

• i feel like sam would like noah kahan but idk and hozier. he just feels like that kinda guy to me

• damn crew definitely went to the eras tour with caelum

• gavin and fl were miss americana and the heart break prince FOR SURE

• guy and honey watch mean girls on a regular basis, either that or guy is blasting the musical soundtrack through the speaker they have. honey will sometimes come home to find him preforming a whole ass musical number while doing something around the house (can you tell that i love them yet?)

• milo did that august tiktok trend with aggro (can you tell that i also love taylor swift very much?)

• ollie and baby probably have like a shared google calendar where they put everything that they have planned so that they can make time to hang out because they’re both so busy with work and stuff

ok i’m done nowww

if anyone were to write a fanfic abt any of these little headcanons i would combust probably but if u do pls tag me i would scream

#redacted asmr #redacted audio #redacted guy #redacted asher #redacted david #redacted gavin #redacted sam #redacted milo #redacted vincent #redacted caelum #redacted ollie #redacted headcanons #no one asked u mare 🤭

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keikakudom · 8 days

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In your AU: Reset Resort, is Lucifer very different from the Canon Lucifer?... What is his relationship with Charlie like?

P.S. I love your AU and your drawing style, they are both absolutely beautiful! ♥️

I had to think about this question for a bit, but since this AU is more canon-divergent than any core changes....

It's not ~great~. He's not very different than canon Lucifer, but like we saw in ep 5, Lucifer and Charlie only bonded and talked out their issues because Lucifer felt jealous/threatened of his relationship to Charlie when Alastor played up the role of a father figure to replace him.

This point wouldn't happen in RR!AU, since Vox isn't actively trying to antagonize Lucifer. Lucifer still cares a lot for Charlie, which is why he insured Vox to support her-- but it doesn't mean he understands her vision/dreams yet. If anything, Lucifer doesn't really like how the angels are getting more involved with Hell, he only tolerates their presence in his domain since it's Charlie's wish.

They interact a little bit, when Lucifer comes to visit, but it's always kind of awkward and strained.

I mentioned before that Vox and Lucifer meet weekly for tea, where Lucifer catches up on Charlie. Vox usually is able to update him in a tactful way that detaches angel associations, so just the fun stuff. I think an average convo between them would go like this;

Vox: *talking about some interaction* and then the Princess was so happy that it looked like that snake guy was making progress or something she literally broke out into song Lucifer: She started SINGING?!? Oh my DAD. Show me- Vox: *internal eye roll, starts playing video on his screen* Lucifer: *gushing* Ohhh my widdol girl, I wub her so much... OK now send me that video and then erase it from existence :) Vox, deadpan: If you want to see her so bad, why not just... visit the hotel? Lucifer: I can do that? NooOoOOoo. Oh, but I wouldn't be welcome, oh goll-lee ha HA! Can't do that. Can. Can't? Charlie wouldn't want to see me.... Vox: (when did I become a family therapist. and to the king of hell?? does bro not care how uh, pathetic he looks rn) tf. How about we just....call her and see what she thinks? How about that?

(And then some back and forth happens, but the point is. Lucifer kind of leans on Vox for interaction with Charlie, and well interaction in general. Not that Lucifer has ever needed it, but it's convenient in his relationship with Charlie.)

Lucifer loves Charlie, but doesn't care to be involved in her interests/redemption project since he can't see anything good coming out of it. For Charlie, that's very important to her. Heaven is giving leeway to redemption, so nothing has occurred to force Lucifer's hand, or force Charlie into asking for her dad's help yet.

So basically, imagine the relationship between Lucifer and Charlie is pretty much as if "More Than Anything" hadn't happened yet(WHY'D I DO THAT??? That song is so cute and pivotal, ARGH!!), still stuck in this awkward disconnect.

I hope this makes sense! Thank you for the fun ask, I definitely want to explore and draw more with Lucifer's involvement in this AU :))

#au: reset resort #ask #draymany

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blapis-blazuli · 8 months

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Now listen up

I am obsessed with this man. He's got so many weird details about him and I love (almost) all of them.

First, Slim's original concept fucks. Being an undead cattle rustler out for bull's blood due to being trampled to death is fascinating. I don't know how long it took before someone at Disney cried "too dark" at that backstory, but I'm surprised it was even in consideration given the mostly lighter tone of the final product. More than that, Disney could've had a literal ghost rider among their villains! Had that movie been any good, he might've joined Disney's popular villain lineup, or maybe we could've even gotten a boss battle with him in a Kingdom Hearts game. That's not what we ended up with due to Reasons, though, which is a bit disappointing, but not much you can do about that.

Anyway, onto what we did get.

Before Slim makes his formal appearance, he's only seen in silhouette, on a wanted poster, then in disguise, and is finally fully revealed when he rides in on a bison. He is huge, and I don't mean because he's fat, I mean he's a good deal taller than most of the other characters. He's set up to be someone threatening, to be taken seriously.

And then comes his yodeling villain song.

The moment it's revealed that Slim's yodeling can hypnotize cows, the music picks up and there's a literal rainbow of colors for the rest of his number. As I said, he's a big man, but he's also light enough on his feet to dance and jump on and off any of these cows while not missing a beat in his performance. When the men who got knocked out beforehand come running after him, he doesn't threaten them, he just throws his spurs at a precarious bit of rocky landscape with such force that it falls and blocks the pathway to him. That's more badass than if he did draw his gun on them.

Actually, I wanna talk about the music he performs. The movie's set in Wyoming during 1889, so obviously Slim's not gonna be yodeling A Cruel Angel's Thesis or whatever. They could’ve come up with something original for him to yodel to (which, I mean, they kinda do), but they chose music by composers such as Tchaikovsky and Beethoven, which aren't exactly things you'd associate with the wild west. The obvious out-of-universe answer for why those pieces were chosen is "they existed before the year this is set in, and they're recognized even today," but we've no in-universe answer for why he chose them or how he knows them. Regardless, it's kinda amazing that he knows them well enough to yodel them.

His lair in Echo Mine has an area with some nice furniture in it. How'd this shit get there? Who knows. Anyway, this is where he reveals that he disguises himself to buy up the properties owned by the people he's stolen cattle from, which includes his former employers. Why doesn't he work for any of them anymore? He never directly says. According to him, they didn't "appreciate [his] talents," which means they probably hated his yodeling. I don't blame him for being mad about that because why the hell would you tell someone that? If he's doing the job right and well without hurting anyone, then who cares? The idea that he's moved on to use a skill against the former bosses who didn't like it is kinda great though.

(Side note: a nice, small detail about this part of the lair is the faded branding on the map, which shows that Slim has been doing this for quite a while. Shame that it's not more consistent from shot to shot though. I can't take credit for noticing this myself: my partner pointed it out after I posted a screenshot as a joke on Discord. She's so cool.)

Slim doesn't like it when someone calls his yodeling "singing": he thinks singing is beneath him given the disdain in his voice when he says that's what birds, saloon gals, and children do. No, he considers what he does to be an art. He's not entirely wrong, though: it is an impressive skill, especially since he can yodel to certain classical pieces like The William Tell Overture, Ode to Joy, Ride of the Valkyries, and The 1812 Overture. (Also Yankee Doodle, because, well, American. Also maybe Largo al factotum from The Barber of Seville, but I'm unsure of that one: unlike Slim, I am no classical music expert.) There's no need for him to be quite as defensive about it as he is, but his nephews calling it "singing," saying that might be why his bosses didn't like him, and calling yodeling "silly" is enough to make him get violently angry at them. Man's got issues.

Oh yeah, Slim has nephews. They're triplets named Gil, Phil, and Bill, and they're collectively known as The Willies. Unlike their uncle, they're all blond and thin, so god knows what Slim's unnamed and unmentioned sibling must look like.

Slim also has a bison named Junior. I'm not fond of the whole "he's too fat to ride anything else" angle of that, but I do like that they chose an animal that people are constantly told to not mess with because of how dangerous they are. Slim's not afraid of him: he's got this creature trained to listen when he calls for him. I can only guess that Slim is the one who named Junior, so maybe he also raised him. It would explain why Junior appears annoyed with him but still puts up with having Slim jump on his back and the like.

You know what Slim doesn't have though? Kids. Putting together the disdain in his voice when he mentions children, his seemingly low opinion of saloon girls, his big villain number turning the landscape into a rainbow of colors, the queer history of cowboys, and the prevalence of queer-coding in Disney villains... well, I think you get where I'm going with that.

Moving onto his disguise. Don't ask me why nobody figured out this was Slim sooner, given that his wanted poster shows they have the same facial hair, bushy eyebrows, and bags under the eyes. My best guess is because it's in black-and-white and he's in a different outfit, and unless someone's encountered him before they probably don't know what he sounds like. Anyway, His alias is Yancy O'del (yeah, I know), but the one sign we see him with has both "Mister" and "Esquire" in there.

Having looked this up, I learned a few things. First, having "Mister" and "Esquire" together isn't something you're supposed to do, yet nobody in-universe caught this. Second, in the United States, "Esquire" is a title only used for lawyers, so maybe that's why nobody questioned him - fear of a sudden lawsuit for something or other. Third, "Yancy" was not really a name used back then, or at least not a common one. Why'd he choose that name (besides for the pun)? I dunno.

(Also, where the hell does Junior stay whenever he goes to one of these auctions? The world may never know.)

Slim's final defeat at the hooves/wings/what-have-you of several farm animals is pretty pathetic, even by silly Disney villain standards, but I got to give him credit for not wanting to give up even after his disguise is (literally) blown and while he's stuck in a train's smokestack. I have no idea how he planned on getting out of that one, and whatever it was most likely wouldn't have worked anyway, but I admire his refusal to back down in the face of obvious defeat.

Even in his very last scene we see him struggling with the ropes they tied around him while he's carted off to jail. He does not give up.

Anyway, here he is picking up Small Black Market Dealer Steve Buscemi one-handed like it's nothing. (His name is Wesley, but Slim keeps calling him Mister Weasley. That's right, this movie used that joke before Frozen did.)

And here he is lifting three full-grown cows off the ground before tying them up faster than they can react to it. (The cows have names too, but this post ain't about them.)

He uses his left hand to write and aim his gun and seems just as adept with using it as much as his right, which is cool. (There's no frame with both his face and the gun, so you'll have to trust me on that.)

Speaking of his hands

Look at this huge-ass man and his pinkies, I can't with this dude

Look at that smile, sir, who gave you the right

If there were a whole movie about just these two, I'd watch it, I won't even lie.

I've gone on about this guy for probably too long by this point, so to sum it all up:

Babygirl

#Alameda Slim #long post #I tried being coherent but that slipped away from me towards the end lmao oh well #''Blapis are you done being mentally ill and gay for Slim yet'' not in the slightest have a nice day #I mean I'm trying to with a tropical storm and an earthquake warning at least #I'll try adding image descriptions later when my brain is working better sorry #shut up Blapis

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chaifootsteps · 3 months

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College anon bored out of their mind again: People need to stop shitting on the new VAs. Y'all aren't fucking children. That's cruel and Vivzie Stan-like behavior. They're GOOD. They're OBJECTIVELY good. That's what is so annoying! She DID get talented people, people who are trying to make their way into animation at that, for her shitty show and into her drama. THAT is their legacy. It's an awful start for them.

I cannot tell you how annoyed I am that HH is this disappointing and that my girl Erika is in it. She deserves to get a real princess role. Brightman is a delight and his vocal abilities, that cannot be replicated on this level mind you, are likely not exploited. I still haven't watched the leaks but I SWEAR to GOD if Viv didn't make him use his normal voice instead of his Beetlejuice one to differenciate our funny snake loser from Fizz, I will lose my shit. You literally hired someone who can do BOTH and has amazing wacky energy and you just??? Don't use it?? What.

Back to Erika and Charlie. I think she's a perfect fit. Charlie has been called a "Disney Princess stuck in Hell" for years and by everyone. Erika has the voice and energy for it. I remember people saying it when she was in Mean Girls, her performance as Cady was so endearing! My only problem is that I doubt that Viv had her do what the old singing VA did: going into opera-like vocals at times. Maybe the old VA didn't do it on purpose but it WORKED. It gives that Heaven-like vibe to Charlie which is important and a neat detail. As if she were trying to be like an angel. A reminder that her father was one. A hint that she's a good person, a pure person. It makes her different. I wish, because I know it won't happen, that we got notes like that from time to time, when the songs allow it, along with the princess vocals. I have SO MUCH to complain about when it comes to Charlie. In five minutes, I can create a more complex character than Viv could in over FOUR years. It's so easy it writes itself. Bet if she were a dude Viv would have tried making her an actual character.

As for the hot topic, I haven't seen the Poison leaks. I like the song. It's good, Blake has a nice voice that I wish wasn't hindered by the nasal tone he was forced to use. His own songs sound beautiful. I wish we could have one like that in the show, pure and almost haunting, which would show a new facet of Angel's personality, a certain vulnerability, the hurt he's hiding or denying. Thinking of him, there's so much to say too. Viv had potential but just HAD to make him into another uwu softboy who did nothing wrong and was hurt by the world. Anyway, back to the main thing: Poison is good. But it will NOT fit into the show. Musically and performance-wise, it's a fucking pop song. Unless the visuals were vague, kinda like in Two Minute Notice at the "crushed under your feet" part (oh and Fizz is a much better take at the archetype than Angel), it will not fit in. The only thing I can imagine is a singer in the middle of a performance... And that is NOT related to Angel and will not serve his story properly. I just know I will be staring at the screen dead inside whenever it comes on because it's such a poor choice and waste of time.

There's a metal cover where the vocal performance is better IMHO because there's vulnerability and emotion in it. Like you can feel he's having doubts about what he's saying, that he doesn't really like it. It still wouldn't fit into the show because there's NOTHING there. The lyrics don't work for a musical.

I think he should only have ONE solo song for his story. He's not the main character so he cannot clog too much of the runtime. And that song? A sorrowful and slow solo where he's actually vulnerable. Have him participate in other songs, bringing in a pop sound every time he's in (with some polka like that one character song Gooseworks had done years ago to spice his musical identity up) and fun energy. That way, the moment the spotlight is finally on him and only him, we get whiplash as the funny sex guy finally puts down his walls and stops with the obvious facade. That's his turning point, that is the moment we KNOW that this guy can be redeemed. That he WANTS to. That what Charlie is working for is possible. And motherfucking Blake Roman can sound like the beast that he is with his actual voice and impossibly beautiful high notes. Ffs I heard a slower down version of Poison that was SO good! It's deeper which makes it work infinitely better.

Sorry for the huge rant but not sorry enough to say that I won't be back to bitch about the missed potential here. Vivziepop is SO close to achieving what she wanted, a GOOD and interesting show, but she keeps falling short. Think, Vivianne, THINK

...Now, you said you haven't seen the leaks, so I'm not gonna say too much in the way of spoilers. There's...a lot to shit on.

But you're right, never the actors themselves. They're an extremely talented group of people and Vivzie brought them on only to squander their talents. None of this is their fault.

#Anonymous #viv stuff #actual blog post #college anon

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wayhavenots · 6 months

Text

Cleaning up my drafts (instead of applying for jobs whoops). Found this from literally two years ago, and it’s basically polished enough but I also have no intention of finishing it lol. Anyway. AU where Avery has a kid. Inspired by this art.

“Who are we being assigned to protect?” asks Nate.

There is a flicker of vulnerability on Agent Lin’s face as she places the manila folder on the table in front of them, flipping it open to a photograph.

“My daughter,” she says, voice surprisingly emotionless for such a reveal, "and my granddaughter."

“You’re saying that you’re a grandm---” begins Farah, though she’s silenced by the agent’s narrowed eyes.

The team gathers around to inspect the photograph, from which two smiling faces look back at them.

It's a sweet scene, labelled in Agent Lin's neat writing as Eliza’s fourth birthday. A small, blond-haired girl hugs a stuffed creature to her chest as she smiles shyly at the camera. A young woman with light brown hair hugs the little girl close, beaming with pride.

It's a sweet scene, but the unit is more distracted by the identity of the woman than the tender mother-daughter relationship on display.

Farah bursts out laughing, Adam’s jaw tightens, Morgan rolls her eyes, and Nate quickly reassures Rebecca that her family is in good hands.

In fact, Farah can’t help adding, they’ve already had the pleasure of meeting the detective.

“Angel,” sing-songs Bobby Marks as he opens the door, “you’re late.” He leans against the doorway of his apartment with arms crossed over his chest, in a pose that he thinks is attractive. As if anything could attract Avery to this man again. His brow furrows into something adjacent to concern as he looks her over. “What happened?”

“I caught the killer,” she tells him nonchalantly. “Tackled them in an alleyway.”

His eyes widen, and she swears he’s grabbing for a recording device behind him.

“Two killers, actually,” she continues. “Their names are None Of and Your Business. Do you need the spelling on that?”

“Cute,” he says. “Forgive me for being concerned about the mother of my child, and the safety of my town.”

The words might have tugged at a younger Avery’s heart, but she sees right through him. “Forgive me for knowing that all you’re concerned about is your scoop,” she shoots back.

Bobby shrugs, not bothering to deny it. “I can care about more than one thing.”

Before Avery can retort---and she desperately wants to, because Bobby Marks cares about nothing more than himself---she sees her daughter pushing around Bobby’s legs, wheeling her little backpack behind her, clutching her plush tardigrade to her chest.

And Avery has to crouch (painfully, as she is still sore from the ruckus at the Ferris Warehouse) to catch her in a hug and plant a sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“Hi, Goldilocks,” she greets her, brushing the little girl’s blond hair behind her ear. “I missed you. I’m sorry I was late.”

Eliza grips her shoulders tightly. “Mommy, is it true that there’s a-a-a raving lunatic on the loose?”

“Where did you hear that?” she asks, keeping her voice pleasant, even though she knows exactly where this phrasing had to come from.

“I was just embellishing, princess,” explains Bobby, ruffling Eliza’s hair. “For the readers.”

The four-year-old giggles at the gesture, though she smooths down her hair again. “What does ‘embellishing’ mean?” she asks with wide brown eyes, looking between the two of them.

Avery bites her tongue to keep from saying, “Lying,” and she lifts an eyebrow at Bobby, more than a little curious about how he’s going to look his daughter in the eyes and defend himself.

But Bobby, being Bobby, has no shame. “Sometimes, when I report a story, I don’t know all the details---not everyone is the most forthcoming.” Here, he lifts an eyebrow back at Avery. “So my readers rely on me to make my best guess.”

“Oh,” says Eliza, nodding sagely. "What does ‘forthcoming’ mean?”

Bobby ruffles her hair again but doesn’t answer. Bored of her questions, Avery guesses. “It’s getting late, princess."

He crouches down to pull her into a hug and press a kiss to her forehead. He's not a terrible dad, at least. She wishes he were better, but, whatever---that was a younger Avery's mistake, to think that he could be, to think that love was enough to change him.

And he loves their daughter, or at least pretends to. More than in that bare minimum way that Avery felt loved by Rebecca when she was growing up---food on table, roof over head, indifferent nanny technically in charge. He's selfish, but he sees himself in Eliza---in her blond hair, and a little in her facial structure, though (thank God) not in her personality---and Avery supposes that's enough to make her a priority for him. As long as Eliza feels loved, as long as Eliza has a village in her corner where Avery only had herself, the rest will be fine, she thinks. Hopes.

Avery puts the bag in the backseat as Eliza hops inside, insisting on buckling up herself in her child's seat. Avery double-checks that she's done it right, gives her a high-five, and then slides into the driver's seat.

“Forthcoming means...willing to give all the information," she tells her, meeting her eyes in the rearview mirror. "I'll be forthcoming with you, okay, Eliza?"

Eliza nods. "Okay, Mommy."

“There’s a dangerous person out there,” admits Avery. "But I’ll catch them. That’s my job. And I’ll keep you safe. That’s my job, too. I'm very good at both."

She’s not sure the extent to which that’s true. She’s been a detective for a day, at the end of which she was pummeled by some unknown hooligan, cornered by four other hooligans she couldn’t apprehend, and was late to pick up her daughter. But she tries her best to project confidence.

"Okay," yawns Eliza. "But be careful, Mommy. I can sleep with you if you're scared."

Avery smiles at her. "Sounds like a plan, Stan."

"I'm not Stan," protests Eliza with a giggle.

#iirc my other plans for this au:#nate and farah work at the daycare while morgan and adam are 'helping' avery with the investigation

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anonymous-dentist · 1 year

Text

Stupid Idiot Death Knife

My piece for @dreamoirezine. I am now the c!punz expert. Go to the Dreamoire blog to download the zine itself, it's literally even badass.

Once upon a time in a land not too far from our own, there was a tower, and inside of that tower was a man on fire. Why he was on fire is not important, nor is the question as to how he came to be on fire. What is important is that there was a man, and that he was on fire, and that he was very unhappy with his current situation.

“Fucking Tommy,” he swore (for that was the name of the absolute jackass that had set him on fire in the first place), hurriedly rushing to the nearest water basin to try and douse himself. “I’m going to kill him, I swear to god.”

(And that was where his troubles began, because when you swear to the gods, they sometimes even listen.)

He was in so much of a hurry to put himself out that he didn’t notice the sudden flash of light or the sudden trumpeting of angelic horns so high up in the heavens that even his tower couldn’t reach. He didn’t notice the sudden change in air pressure, nor did he notice the rise in temperature.

What he did notice when he turned around from the basin was a tall golden table standing right in the middle of the floor where there was no table before. And then on that table was what appeared to be, by all means necessary, a dinky little rusty-ass dagger, and a neon green index card next to it covered in scribbly red-ink letters in a language he didn’t know. The only word he could make out was his name, Punz, and that alone was worrying enough to keep him from approaching fully.

“What the fuck?” Punz asked, voice barely above a whisper. It was not terror that gave a notable termor to his voice, though it really should have been. No, it was confusion, and, above all, annoyance.

He stared at the dagger, hair still smoldering and hoodie singed beyond all recognition. He was insulted, frankly, just a little. Just a little. Not because of the sudden divine intervention, but because whatever force had decided to bother him gave him the shittiest fucking knife that he had ever seen. Fae, demon, god, whatever it was, it obviously didn’t know his reputation. Because he was a mercenary, the best of the best. Diamonds were beneath him; how could iron even think to compare?

But still, he found himself picking the dagger up and turning it over in his hands. It had a good weight, at least, and the edges were still sharp. The rust almost looked like a bloodstain spread across the entire blade.

Once more, he repeated, “What the fuck?”

His eyes shifted from the knife to the card that had come with it. What were scribbles a moment ago were suddenly clear and legible English.

Use Me :)

And, now, Punz wasn’t a stupid man. He might not have been Dream or Wilbur levels of intelligence, but he knew enough to know that suspicious knives with even more suspicious labels were baaaaaaad news.

“Fuck this,” he declared, dropping the knife back onto its pedastal and backing away.

He looked up at the ceiling as if it was watching him. (It was.)

“Yeah, no thanks,” he told the ceiling.

On a whim, he flipped the card over and written on it was, And Get Your Just Rewards.

And, now, Punz wasn’t a stupid man. He was not stupid, no, but he was greedy. Greed makes the world go ‘round, so they say. So when he saw the word ‘rewards’, his brain momentarily shut down. Little green dollar signs floated above his head, and he himself felt as if he was floating on a cloud.

“I mean, I dunno…” he muttered, running a finger along the knife’s edge. It came away bloody, but he couldn’t tell his blood from the rust on the blade. “It’s just kinda fishy, y’know?”

He glanced back up at the ceiling again, waiting for a reply. No dice.

As his eyes traveled back down to the dagger, they caught on a shine on the table that wasn’t there before. A single chunk of raw gold right where the dagger had been.

Oh, Punz thought. The gold was cool against his burned palms.

“My just rewards, huh?” he mused. He nodded. “Alright. Bet.”

And with that, he slipped the dagger into an empty sheath on his belt, and he stuck his bleeding finger in his mouth, and he took the gold to a chest upstairs, and he thought, Alright. I can work with this.

There are very few things more powerful in this world than greed. Spite is one, hunger is another. (And then there was fear, but that was hardly relevant.) The other three he could work with.

One, greed. He never liked to consider himself a greedy man. The word left a bitter taste in his mouth. Greed, no, he was just… well, he was greedy, but not in that way. Who wouldn’t want money? Money makes the world go ‘round. If he was broke, he wouldn’t be able to afford food or clothes or fancy decorative swords to hang on his walls, or Fortnite V-Bucks. It was just simple economics. Not greed; stonks.

Two, spite. Punz liked to consider himself a pretty chill guy, all things considered. He wasn’t Sapnap or Tommy; if someone pissed him off, he just let it slide. Usually. Sometimes. Well. The thing about spite is that it mixes with anger and makes a kind of pissy kind of soup. Punz knew that soup well. He had it for dinner every night alongside caviar and imported English iced tea.

Three, hunger. Punz liked food. Enough said.

But fear? Nah. That wasn’t his style. What did he have to be afraid of? Dying? He couldn’t die. He was badass. Kickass, even, all of the -asses. Death feared him.

Death rewarded him, too. One lazy afternoon Punz took his new knife out to the forest to test something out and came home to a pile of gold on the table and five rabbit pelts and ten wolf skins slung over his shoulders. Death wasn’t a scary thing. Death was just a capitalist. He could fuck with that.

But there was a difference between killing animals and killing humans. Punz preferred his kills to be clean and efficient. Nothing’s worse than getting blood on your white hoodie, he figured, and maybe he should have just changed his aesthetic. Maybe he should have done that. But what he did instead was do things meticulously, so meticulously, and it worked.

And it worked.

And it worked until there was a battle for a country he had no part in and that he didn’t care about. A dethronement, and then a war, all in the same day. He would have stayed home and ignored the whole affair in favor of catching up on Grey’s Anatomy if he wasn’t getting paid enough money to drown a cat with. (And, being friends with Sapnap, he knew plenty about drowning cats.)

It was in the heat of battle when Punz stabbed his first child. Pogtopia wasn’t the most populous nation in the world (if you can call it a nation to begin with), but it had enough supporters to make Punz’s attempts at getting at the commanders really fucking hard. He had already lost his sword in the initial rush, and that was fifteen minutes ago. Fifteen minutes and a couple of chunks ago. His ax was stuck in the chest of a woman on the ground, and his shovel really wasn’t up for battle.

So when the kid snuck up on him, Punz grabbed the only weapon he had on him and plunged it into their chest blindly, eyes defocusing as they stared up at him in shock. His face was warm from exertion and blood. Sticky. His hands were sticky.

A small tickle in the back of his mind told Punz that he got blood on his hoodie. A much larger tickle told him that there was a good chance that he had just become a gold ingot richer. A gold ingot could pay for so many chocolate bars.

It wasn’t too hard a decision to make. His hoodie was already ruined, anyway. He could just buy a new one after the war.

Yanking the dagger out of the kid’s cold body, Punz slipped it into its sheath just long enough to wrench his ax free of the corpse holding it.

By the end of the war, Punz was a half stack of raw gold blocks richer.

This, he decided, looking down at the chest of gold in front of him. This would be enough to last until the next war.

Three weeks later, the dagger slipped between a crack in Sapnap’s armor. It was almost worth enough for an ice cream cone.

One, greed.

Punz was not a greedy man. He was just a capitalist. Big difference. Greed requires a certain amount of other, some extra oomph to give it meaning as anything other than just plain old want. It isn’t greedy to want a new pair of boots. It isn’t greedy to want a Robux gift card. It isn’t greedy to just want.

There is a difference between wanting something and craving it. Punz never craved the rewards he got for killing. He wanted them. Big difference. He could put the dagger away and never touch it again. He simply chose not to. He liked getting money. Money is cool as hell. So are the things you can get with money. Like a new PlayStation. Or a hamburger at the McPuffy’s when you don’t feel like baking a fresh loaf of bread.

Punz liked explosions. They were loud and, well, explosive, and they reminded him of happier times when all he had to worry about was childrens’ attempts at war and Sapnap being a fucking idiot. Punz had always been one for chaos, and nothing, nothing was more chaotic than an explosion.

But as the butchers scattered before him like headless chickens, there wasn’t the usual rush of adrenaline. Punz was almost bored as he chased the L’Manbergians around. He was bored when he let them chase him around.

The knife on Punz’s belt itched.

He wasn’t explicitly told not to kill anyone, but he wasn’t told to do anything other than distract. But he was bored, and that was making him sloppy. He let himself get hit in the shoulder with an arrow and grit his teeth into a grin at the sudden burst of energy he got in response, blade singing in its sheath.

Fundy had a crack in his armor. The butchers’ armor was ragged and worn, obviously leftover from the war, and Fundy had a crack in his armor.

It wasn’t until Punz felt the weight in his pockets that he realized that the knife had made contact.

Fundy let out a cry, and Punz felt the knife shaking in his grasp, but he wasn’t moving. Punz wasn’t moving.

The call to retreat, Dream’s voice in Punz’s ear telling him to get the fuck out of there.

Three dollars. Chump change. More next time, Punz hoped.

Two, spite.

Once upon a time, Punz used to feel spiteful. Angry, too. Sad. Betrayed. But it’s kinda hard to feel betrayed when you don’t have anyone to betray you. And maybe that was Punz’s own fault, but, really, who could fault him? The server was an active warzone six out of seven days of the week. How the hell are you supposed to keep a friendship going with someone that might stab you in the back at an Olive Garden?

Punz was no diplomat, and he never pretended to be. What he was was a mercenary, and a damn good one. No loyalties when someone can buy yours for a stack of gold pieces and a Chili’s gift card.

It might have occurred to Punz once that maybe he would be the guy to stab you at an Olive Garden.

Well. So be it. You probably deserved it, anyway.

Punz had a child. He refused to think of the dead chicken at his feet as his child, but it was his child. Its head was snapped clear off its tiny body, but Punz remembered seeing it blinking up at him in its first moments of life.

The puddle the dead chick was in had long dried by the time Punz got around to visiting it.

There’s something to be said about the death of a child. Your child. Punz had chicken for dinner two days ago, and he killed the chickens himself and got a pocketful of gold for his troubles. But this thing? This miserable little wretch of a dead chicken?

Punz scoffed and lightly nudged its body with the toe of his boot. His boot came away stained.

He wrinkled his nose. Fucking gross.

The spirit that had so graciously come to hang out and talk about dicks for an hour was long gone, but Punz still felt the familiar urge to dig his knife into something and not let go. If he stabbed something longer, would that give him more money in reward?

The knife on his belt twitched like it was shrugging. Punz pretended not to notice. Not his problem. Sentient capitalistic daggers were the least of his problems. He had wars to fight in, battles to decide, chickens to avenge.

Vengeance has gotten a bit complicated recently. You can’t just blow someone’s house up and call it a day. No, someone always has to get pissy about it, and that was fine by Punz’s standards. He was a mercenary; his trade depended on people getting pissy. No pissy people meant no paycheck, and a life without a paycheck would be a sad one, indeed.

There was the rush of battle, the adrenaline-charged thrill of removing a motherfucker’s head from their body and immediately getting a broken rib for the trouble. Punz missed his broken ribs. There wasn’t enough going on to warrant a broken bone. What, the L’Manbergians were causing trouble? That was old news by that point.

War was profitable, but war was also getting just a tad bit boring.

A chicken war would at least be interesting.

“Cock war,” Punz absently said. His voice echoed around the wilderness sounding entirely unfamiliar and too much like someone from a YouTube anti-depressant medication commercial.

He smiled at his own joke anyway and looked back down at his dead child. The little thing wasn’t quite important enough to him to warrant revenge or anything, but it gave him an excuse to go and stab someone on his terms. Maybe that’d make the whole thing feel a bit more worth it.

Three, hunger.

Punz had a fridge full of leftovers. Chinese, mostly, some Chipotle. Homemade stuff. There was a veggie platter he put together for a failed Christmas dinner he was supposed to have with some friends.

That went well.

He liked food. He loved food, actually. Didn’t mean his stomach wasn’t empty all the time, or that he wouldn’t constantly be feeling like he needed… more. More. His fridge was full, but his pockets were empty. He could look out the window and see Tubbo and Ranboo walking down the path with their pickaxes hitched up on their shoulders. A couple of minutes’ walk away, Bad and Skeppy had their mansion. Punz had a tower, and he had a knife, and he had Dream.

And he had Dream.

Maybe hunger isn’t exclusively for food. Maybe it’s for something else. Like companionship. Or a Planet Fitness membership.

Punz killed a dog. Two gold coins added to the pile.

Across the growing crater that used to be New L’Manberg, the world was ending, and that was just fine. None of Punz’s business. To steal a phrase, it was never meant to be. (Or something like that, anyway.)

It was weird being on this side of the war. Punz couldn’t see Dream in all the chaos, but he had his orders not to look. Can’t act too suspicious…

And so Punz stabbed another dog and ignored the way he wanted to cry over it. They were just stupid dogs. No big deal.

Somewhere, Tommy was screaming. In all the racket, it was hard to pick it out from every other scream of pain, fear, agony, desperation –Technoblade’s triumphant rambling and Philza’s relative quiet. Dream above watching silently (somehow, Punz knew that he would be looking right at wherever Tommy was.)

But that didn’t concern him, so he stabbed another dog. Up to six coins now, hell yeah. He can get a Happy Meal with this kind of money. Funds were drying up with all the battle prep, but he’d be able to treat himself after the apocalypse, at least.

Idly, Punz wondered if there would be a McPuffy’s left after this. He decided he didn’t care.

It was a little hard to care about anything when all there was was the splash of blood against his face and the panicked screeching of a bunch of idiots running around like headless chickens.

On his way to try and take down one of the withers (how much money could a wither get him?), Punz tripped over a root and nearly face planted into one of the dogs that Sapnap had butchered on his way to his dumbass fiance.

It was red. The root, that is. Small, barely poking above ground. Punz stared at it for just a moment longer than he should have before snapping out of it with the sound of a wither skull being shot at his head.

He narrowly managed to dodge out of the way, landing in an awkward half-roll that sent his dagger skidding across the ground out of reach.

Panicked, Punz lunged for it, scrambling around in the dirt and the bloodied mud to get it back before it got lost or (god forbid) someone took it from him.

He picked the knife up with both hands, lungs heaving, and, when he looked at it, his reflection in the blade was thin and sunken like a skeleton’s.

His hoodie was ruined. That was fine. He could just buy a new one.

Four, fear.

Punz was not afraid of anything. He wasn’t sure if he could be afraid anymore. He couldn’t be much of anything anymore. He could be cold; his blankets had begun wearing thin, and he needed new ones before the winter got too bad. He could be wet; his umbrella broke months ago and he never bothered replacing it, not seeing a point to when he had a hood. He could be tired; he never got enough sleep, not anymore, and even his sleep was restless thanks to the itch under his skin.

He slept with his knife under his pillow. The rust had long worn off, and he didn’t remember when he started being able to see himself in its reflection or when the mirror over his bathroom sink shattered, but he just blamed the mirror on yet another home intrusion and called it a day.

Use Me :), the note had read, and Punz had. There was a box under his bed full of gold coins, enough to make a pirate horny or a banker cry.

And Get Your Just Rewards, indeed.

Punz sure felt rewarded. The world was silent, and he could finally sleep.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Punz was a chicken once. He birthed a child, even, not that he chose to think about that too often, just when he was drinking and trying to think of fun weekend vengeance plans to fill his calendar with now that his friends were all leaving to join some weird breakfast cult.

Boredom, that’s what Punz could feel.

Boredom.

No wars. It was quiet. Any adrenaline was long gone. Maybe he was addicted, maybe he was going through withdrawals, but when a gigantic egg said that it could provide for him, well. It was more convincing than it would have been a couple of months ago.

Well? It asked.

“Well what?” he responded.

It looked down upon him judgmentally. A heavy feeling settled on Punz’s shoulders, one he didn’t like. It felt like hands curling, claws digging in. Into his skin, into his flesh, into his soul. (He didn’t even realize he still had one of those. He thought he lost it months ago when he first picked up that knife and his eyes were opened to the world for the very first time.)

Punz was alone. Bad had escorted him down and had left with only a smile and a wink and a pat on the shoulder. It wasn’t really anything out of the ordinary for Bad, honestly, but something about it left Punz on edge.

And then the Egg started talking.

What are you waiting for? the Egg asked. Its smile curled around Punz’s brain and squeezed.

He didn’t realize he was raising his dagger until he saw its blade glinting in the dim red light.

The Egg liked him, It had said. It heard all about him already from previous visitors. It had seen him Itself, because It sees everything. Knows everything. Is everything.

Punz wanted chaos, It had determined.

No, Punz wanted to argue. He wanted the money that just so happened to come from chaos. He wanted a cure to his boredom.

(He wanted to feel again, he didn’t say. That would be embarrassing.)

All the Egg needed was a show of loyalty. It couldn’t just accept any old merc off the street. It had to know he was being serious, and there was only one way of doing that.

The dagger shook with anticipation, level with his chest, aimed right towards where he distantly remembered his heart being back when he still had one. Punz stared his own reflection right in the eyes. His reflection was smiling; he was not.

The knife plunged in, and Punz bled gold.

#dreamoire zine #dreamoirezine #a.d.'s fics i suppose.#a.d.'s fics i suppose #guys im the expert now

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akashigadabi · 11 months

Text

Healthy Admiration (Thirst and Elation)

Pairing: Yandere All For One x Consenting Reader

Summary: An arrogant young yakuza leader insults and threatens you, and All For One reacts as poorly as expected. Inspired by Klaus Mikaelson Making Iconic Threats for 3 Minutes Straight by The Hero With No Fear.

Word Count: 1,246

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Drama (?)

Rating: M

Warnings: Soft Vibes, Reader Being Soft, Reader Being Thirsty, Soft All For One, Suggestive Language, Mutual Pining, Idiots In Love, Pre-Relationship, Murder, Threats of Violence, Violence, Blood

Other: Reader has a quirk. Reader is written so reader is gender neutral as far as gender/gender identity and romantic or sexual orientation. NGL I was watching Klaus Mikaelson clips and some of his threats sounded very hot and like something All For One might also so say, so bam here we are. I literally wrote this today on a whim. Bone apple teeth. I love that meme don’t come for me.

Ao3.

All For One is a vision as he stalks forward, crimson eyes furious and snow white hair still perfectly combed. His lips twist into something too sharp to be considered a smile, dimples on full display and a hint of fang peeking through parted lips. He looks as ethereal and angelic as ever, even with the dark aura he radiates and the arterial spray staining the expensive fabric of his bespoke suit. Your eyes track the swish of his hips as he crosses the room, straying toward his ass and thighs unbidden. It’s a problem, because this is perhaps the worst time to have these feelings surge to the forefront, but the sheer power and killing intent he exudes toward the arrogant yakuza who insulted you sets you on edge in all the wrong ways. It takes all your self-control not to clench your thighs together even before he starts speaking, and you dearly hope nothing shows through your own trousers.

“If you speak another word against them, I will tear you limb from limb,” All For One starts, voice smoother than silk yet sharper than his favorite Damascus steel knife, “and only then, when you are a writhing mass of blood and flesh, will I rip your heart from your chest.”

You almost bite through your lip because holy fuck that’s hot. What’s worse is how melodious his voice sounds when he’s like this. Deeper with a darker edge, soft like satin yet cutting and bitterly cold. The temperature in the room has plummeted. Any of the yakuza with two brain cells look appropriately terrified. Even your own allies seem nervous. Giran and Aina both stiffen where they stand at your back, their anxiety nearly palpable as the struggle not to flee, primal instincts no doubt singing warnings about a predator on the prowl nearby. The weaker-willed yakuza start to drop like flies. Some merely sink to their knees, but others faint. Only a handful remain standing, while the leader alone retains his ability to move. An ugly sneer still adorns his face, and despite the clear threat All For One just delivered, he doubles down as if he has no sense of self-preservation. Did he not see the bloodstains leftover from the meeting before this one where a different yakuza challenged All For One directly and lost?

“Is the little bitch that fragile? Maybe they need to toughen up a little. If I had my way, I’d beat that weakness out of them.”

In the blink of an eye, All For One goes from the middle of the room to standing directly in front of the distasteful man, who has maybe less than three seconds to register the sudden change. His eyes widen, right before All For One grabs him by the throat, lifting him off the ground with ease. He claws futilely at the hand cutting off his air supply as his legs dangle midair. He isn’t a small man by any means, but All For One dwarfs you all, standing a head taller than the second tallest person in attendance. Sputtering and gasping fills the air as All For One continues holding him in an effortless vice grip.

For some reason the sight excites you. Even though you don’t “need” the protection and are in fact perfectly capable of taking care of yourself, it’s so unbelievably attractive to see him choke out a man who both insulted and threatened you. He’s just so fucking strong and vicious and it does things to you. Now your worry over accidentally showcasing arousal doubles, and because All For One does nothing by half, he threatens him again and you’re standing there absolutely melting inside as he puts the fear of god into everyone with sense, aka everyone but the arrogant little shit whose windpipe screams underneath the pressure All For One applies to it. He’s got his three Strength Enhancements running since that sort of power crops up rather often even with Metahumans still being so rare, plus his own natural physical capabilities. His idiotic prey must be in agony. You wonder how All For One manages to avoid popping his head like a zit

“If I were you, I’d watch your tongue, else I’ll rip it out and feed it to whatever miserable wretch had the misfortune of giving you life.”

Now your pants feel stifling to wear. When did they get so hot and tight? The comfortable fit changes to something suffocating and you hide your little problem by pretending to check your weapons. Is it possible to die of crotch asphyxiation? You hope not, but you suppose there’s a first time for everything.

“You will treat Heretic-san with respect, or I can reach down your throat and pull out your insides. Your choice,” All For One purrs, baring his teeth in a way that suggests half of him very much wishes this little swine of a man would defy him just so he could have the distinct pleasure of disemboweling him by hand. It’s an incredibly fetching sight. Clearly threatening someone comes naturally to him.

All For One releases the man without warning, allowing him to drop like a stone and land in a rather painful heap onto the concrete below. The man rolls onto his side, coughing as he tries to regain his breath. A rapidly forming bruise begins blooming on the pale flesh of his throat. His dignity lies somewhere on the warehouse floor, broken into a thousand pieces. You think you might swoon, blushing from your ears to your navel. You’ve never been more thankful for the mask you wear as a part of your Heretic uniform. All For One stares down at the man as if he wants nothing more than to mash him into a fine, gooey paste, but seemingly changes his mind at the last second. He glides back to your side, scanning you from head to toe as if reassuring himself of your well-being. It makes you weak in the knees.

“Heretic-san, do you feel well enough to proceed with business today?”

You clear your throat to avoid your voice cracking in an embarrassing way. All For One wears violence like a second skin, yet no fear overtakes you, nor do you feel endangered. It helps that All For One graces you with this sweet, earnest, indulgent expression, full of fondness and concern. He clearly cares about you. He’d stop the meeting here and now if you needed him to. You shake your head, touched by the consideration and trying furiously not to blush under his direct attention but failing spectacularly. To your mortification, he notices the change even through your disguise. His hand twitches as if he wants to reach out and touch you but refrains from doing so through sheer force of will. You wistfully wish he had a little less restraint.

“Are you well?”

“I’m perfectly fine, All For One. We can proceed as planned. No need to postpone anything.”

“If you say so.”

He turns from you to address the yakuza again, and you find yourself flooded with not so subtle disappointment. His attention makes butterflies erupt in your stomach. You want him to touch you to a frankly embarrassing extent, but he never has past the smallest of things. Something always stops him at the last second, and it drives you fucking insane. Maybe he’ll come around eventually, but until then, well, nothing could stop you from looking, could it?

#soft yandere #soft afo #protective afo #yandere x darling #yandere afo #yandere all for one #yandere all for one x reader #all for one x reader #yandere afo x reader #all for one x you #yandere x reader #yandere bnha #yandere bnha x reader #lov x reader

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thebackseatofjimsblazer · 2 years

Text

When your music is on shuffle - Blurbs

Hi yes, okay so like i like to put my Spotify on shuffle and just let the gods give me songs to jam to. I mean i have exactly 2,265 liked songs, so it can get a little hectic ya’know? And i was daydreaming about how some of the ST men would react if they also heard what comes on when i hit shuffle. And with that, I bring to you a few blurbs of my daydreams (These are all modern btw, idk if i needed to mention that lmaooo)

MDNI!

Word count: total-1311; hopper-378; steve-390; eddie-543

Pairings: reader x hopper; reader x steve; reader x eddie

Warnings: rated M but not smut! curse words? Idk you’ll probably hate some of the songs I mention but I literally hit shuffle and wrote as i went so *shrugs* alludes to smut in closing scenes

AN: I’ll list the songs with YouTube links so y’all can check them out if you want

Hopper

When the ending notes of ‘Mama Tried’ was followed by the beginning of ‘You Look So Good In Love’, Hopper made sure to come up to where you were at, at the stove and grab you by your hips, swaying to and fro. It was a relaxing Sunday evening… You were making dinner for the both of you — pan seared steak with mashed potatoes —- while your little speaker played music from your phone. These are the kind of nights that you cherished; just the two of you with a few glasses of bourbon and some good music.

“It’s almost done, love,” you say, pulling the steaks off of the pan and putting them in the oven to let them sit and settle. Before Hopper could bring you in for a kiss, ‘STUPID’ came on, causing you to jump up and down. Of course, with it not being classic rock or country, the sounds of Ashnikko made Jim roll his eyes. “Baby, sit real quick. I practiced a little dance in the mirror to this song. Wanna show you,” you say, pushing him back into the dinning room and into one of the chairs at the table. As the both of you waited, him staring at you with a bored look and his arms crossed, you held up a finger until it got to the part you wanted.

“I know you think about me in the shower…” You mouth the words as you go through one of the dances you saw on tiktok, but you soon forget the rest of the moves when you see Jim’s face change.

“Pornhub in your browser, fantasize about the pussy power…” Still singing along, you begin to walk to Jim and drop your knees in front of him. His breath hitches when you put your hands on his thick thighs.

“Think about me with your hand down your trousers. I’m sweet, then I’m sour,” You say, groping his groin through his denim jeans. He groans and grabs your wrists to halt your movements. You give him an innocent little smile and get up off the ground swiftly.

“Dinners done, love. You hungry?” You ask, walking back to the kitchen to pull the steaks out.

“Yeah, but now I’m thinking we should have dessert first.”

Steve

You didn’t hear Steve when he had walked into your apartment; you were chorus deep into ‘Kiss the Girl’ while you showered. And since nobody had been there — besides you — when you had gotten in, you obviously hadn’t locked the bathroom door.

“The Little Mermaid? Really?” You hear from the other side of the shower curtain. You nearly slipped from him scaring you.

“Jesus, Steve. Can you at least announce yourself when you come in? You’re lucky I don't own guns like Nancy does,” you say with a huff. “Just give it a second, it's on shuffle.” You say as you begin to wash the remainder of the soap off your body.

“If you can name the song and artist before the ten second mark one the next song, I’ll order us pizza.” He offers. You quickly agree, not being the kind of person to turn down the possibility of free pizza. Steve never believed you when you told him you truly did know every single song on your Spotify. He thought you had so many because you gave likes out similar to how he collects kids. Well— not like that. You know what I mean.

When the next song began playing, it took you closer to three seconds to quickly say, “Angel of the morning by Juice Newton. I want olives on my half of the pizza, please.”

“Nuh, uh. That was like too easy. Even I know that song,” he protests. “I’ll give you one more try.” He said. You furrow your brows and roll your eyes, but give in. The song starts playing and it takes you about five seconds this time to recognize the song.

“That’s exorcist by kill switch,” you blurt out before it got to the part you like to say. “I’m addicted to Pornhub,” you mutter.

“Oh are you now?” He asks in a flirty tone. You can hear him getting closer to the shower curtain, so you peek your head out.

“Yeah… why don’t you go order that pizza and so we can enjoy dinner and a movie?” You flirt back. His mouth gapes at the way you so casually just offered to watch porn with him. You smiled deviously seeing how his brain short circuited; quickly nodding as he turned to go to the other room to place the delivery order.

He’s just so cute.

Eddie

You and Eddie had been driving around, doing some last minute errands before going back to his trailer for the night. Except this time, you were the one driving in your car rather than him driving his van. You had offered so that he could smoke some of his joint and relax after the day he had at the shop. And since you guys were in your car, it was your phone hooked up to the aux. Your rule was that whoever was driving in your car got aux privileges because “the driver needs to be in their driving zone”. It just made sense and you didn’t allow people to argue about it.

Eddie had been putting up with all of the “lame” songs, as he liked to call them. When ‘7/11’ came on, he grumbled like an old man complaining about today’s youth. And then when ‘Material Girl’ came on, he folded his arms over his chest and moped in the passenger seat. Similar reactions were drawn from him when ‘I Wanna Go’ and ‘Should’ve Said No’ came on the radio.

“Taylor Swift? Blegh.” He complained. But with every song, you sang every word and ignored him. But then a song came on that changed his whole mood. Hearing the drums and intense guitar ring through the speakers, you turned up the radio even more. Singing to the windshield, you began to point at Eddie. The instrumental part came along and you used your steering wheel as the drums. But when it got to the next part, you turned to Eddie and belted out the lyrics.

“I will make your insides on the fucking outside! I’ll tear through your skin and watch you rot!”

With a stunned expression, Eddie reached forward and turned the volume down enough so that you could hear him. “I need you to know that when we get home, I’m eating your pussy from the back.”

You stifle a giggle as his words register in your head. You knew he was being serious, but the way he was so blunt about it was comical to you. And blessed be, another metal song came on right after that one. This one was more upbeat, causing you to squeal in excitement and turn the radio back up.

You sang along with the crude words of it and then grabbed Eddie’s hand to bring to the ceiling of the car when it came to that certain part. Going along with it, you said, “Listen up- you can do anything you want in life. Just dont be a fucking bitch. Put your middle fingers up!”

Already knowing the song, you put one of your hands out the window to flip off the outside world and your other hand was touching your car’s ceiling, effectively only flipping off the cloth of it. Eddie quickly reached out and grabbed the steering wheel to keep the car in control.

“Jesus, babe!” A wild smile covered his face when he looked back at you after you had returned your hands.

“What? He said not to be a fucking bitch…” you giggle out. He shook his head and rested his palm on his mouth before he chose to respond.

“Now I’m definitely eating your ass too.”

Songs:

Mama Tried

You Look So Good In Love

STUPID

Kiss the Girl

Angel of the Morning

Exorcist

7/11

Material Girl

I Wanna Go

Should’ve Said No

Cheyne Stokes

Middle Fingers Up

#bunny’s blurbs #stranger things 4 #stranger things #stranger things fandom #eddie munson #steve harrington #jim hopper #stranger things smut #jim hopper smut #jim hopper x reader #steve harrington smut #Steve Harrington x reader #Eddie munson smut #Eddie munson x reader

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boxwinebaddie · 7 months

Note

i need to know how stan proposed to kyle in Sixth grade Omfg😭😭 i bet he was so cheesy my Sappy king!

oooooooh you already knooooow!!!!! lover boy antics

( this got long, i'm sorry i get really excited when i get to talk abt rm and esp all the stuff from the past bc LORE )

so, before i get into it, in accordance with ncuniverse stanon, all my stans meet kyle and are immediately madly in love with him.

the difference between pep!stan and rm!ravenstan is that pep!stan could not distinguish the difference between platonic/romantic love so stan basically just thought it was completely normal to be unhealthily obsessed with your best friend/think everything about him was perfect...and also he dated wendy on and off his whole life which made things...v complicated.

( wendy is in rm, but wendy is NOT from south park, so that OG canon doesn't exist in rm, but she's definitely coming into play soon and i mention her in the next chapter in a small way so ;) keep your eyes peeled for that my friends )

but, uh...oh my god. so rm!stan helped kyle move in and was...immediately In Love with him and KNEW that. in(stan)taneously. it was...On Sight. *stan vc* Wowza

like kyle broflovski tapped stan on the shoulder, hit him in the face with that New Jersey accent and it was OVER for stan. like the skies opened up the angels were singing he was like that is my husband dhsksk heeeelp it was also extremely obvious to literally every single person in south park that stan was madly in love with kyle…

...Except For Kyle.

like obvious to the point where when little stan was in the hospital after the hockey puck incident

( which...that is MY FAVORITE FLASHBACK YOU CAN TALK TO ME ABT THAT ANYTIME )

he was largely unresponsive and pretty miserable, but kyle came in with flowers and soup to say thank u ( he was stuttering the whole time my god he was so nervous ) and stan smiled so hard and got so excited to see kyle that he ripped...all his stitches open and had to have his jaw REWIRED shut....unbelievable....pack it up Gay Boy! that's right! i know what the fuck you are!!! ashdsad MAN!! RELAX!!!!!

also multiple people have brought it up to kyle and he is genuinely confused abt it bc his self confidence and body dysmorphia was so bad ( eric cartman i will fucking kill u ) that he cannot even fathom stan having a crush on him being Not a really cruel joke :( sigh

part of it is that all my stans are very conventionally attractive and frighteningly beautiful, which i think is so funny because to offset that i just make them soooo fucking gross that it is offputting slkdsa

( also stan never grew out of his nasty boy antics, like management is like...raven did u...accuse the prime minister of france of 'ripping ass' on national television and high five him because it was a '9/10'...and call him 'broski'...and raven is like...it was actually an 8 but i didn't want to be rude so i gave him an extra point and management is like RAVENSSKHLHD!!...if ur waiting for the day ravenstan is not in trouble...ur gonna be waiting a long time...hes in tabloid jail 25/8 )

BUT ANYWAYS! BACK TO STAN BEING BEAUTIFUL AND GROSS!

despite being gross...his eyes are too blue and pretty unfortunately so people are willing to let that go...he has pretty privilege help

and by age 11 stan had been asked out/proposed to like...over 22 times ( mostly cartman, die cartman )...all declined. he used to be really nice about it, but recently if cartman tries it and uses his deadname and the wrong pronouns stan just...looks at him blankly and is like "who?"

and then sees kyle come out of his honors english class with all his books and is immediately like all over him, chatting excitedly aw aw

the second gag is that rm!stan does not think kyle is in love with him but hes willing to be super best friends with him forever and never tell him if that means he can stay close to him...only wants him to b happy...even if its not with him....AAAAAa....i hate it here :'(((

with that in mind! sixth grade! cartmans mom was getting remarried to some really rich guy and cartman was flexing hard like "listen up peasants and poor people my mewm is marrying into royalty sluts!!"

and kyle was like...lmao "congrats on ur moms...what is it? eighth marriage? my family lost count after wedding gift number 5"

naturally this pissed cartman off and he was like "oh yeah, jewboy??? at least my mom got married!! actually my mom got married eight times and you??? you're nothing, you're disgusting!!! you'll be lucky if anyone pities you enough to marry you once!!! i bet by the time i've got grandkids, you'll be still be miserable and alone. choke, fatty : )"

kyle was unfortunately used to this behavior and was like whatever!! marriage is a social construct you idiot!!! and tried to play it off but stan Over Heard it and was MAD AS HELL! he took that shit HELLA PERSONAL!!!! he was like hell no absolutely the Fuck not, you trick ass bitch!

and hatched a stan plan

*narrator nina vc* Stan Always Had A Plan.

and that plan...naturally...was to propose to kyle. in an extra way.

( yes all my stans propose to my kyles in extraneous ways smh...dramatic bisexual boy behavior i am embarrassed )

( another small side bar, i think at this point in rm stan is...about as happy as he gets and i don't even feel bad about talking about this because i was going to mention it in kyles letter but i forgot...

so in rm stan had really really reaaaaally long hair like had never ever gotten a haircut and it was a large part of his gender dysphoria and stress for him...so as a birthday present...sharon cut his hair to about shoulder length ( which was...a big deal...ill go into it later ) but stan was SOOOOO HAPPY!!!! it was so :')))) he like started wearing his hair down and smiled so much he was so happy omg my son my son

also him and kyle went as coraline and wybie for hween it was so cute like...stan in the yellow raincoat and the boots...kyle in the iconic black and white fit...love them )

ANYWAYS! MIDDLE SCHOOL STANS PROPOSAL PLAN

so he spent 2-3 days, as is natural for my stans, doing a craft, getting something ready to give to kyle smh

and then texted him and was like "do u want to go to starks pond?" he also used !!! three exclamation points and the :'D face...gay ass...smh

they had a cute little picnic and the tiny ring box was burning a tiny hole in tiny stans pocket but he panicked...like he had a song and everything...he got too nervous help!!!!

stans last ditch effort was that he asked kyle to skip rocks with him and was like "dude!!! hang on ur shoes untied!!!!!! let me get it" ;)

and kyle was like "oh thanks bro--WHA " :O

bc...there is stan...on the bank of stark's pond...in all the rocks and mud and dirt and grass...with the stars out...and alll the fireflies flickering around like fairy dust...on one knee and...

he hollowed an acorn out :') and made a little rope hinge out of twine and stuff so it opened and closed....he also...painstakingly weaved pine needles into a tiny little ring perfect for kyles finger and hot glued a little fresca bottle cap on there

( when they met kyle asked him for a bottle opener for his fresca and stan opened it with a lighter and said 'I Am The Bottle Opener' which...yes is a Metal Boy Thing...also yes kyle was in love...also yes stan kept that bottle cap...wow )

in shop class he also engraved their intials on it...like on stans old bed....gross im crying so cute...ew ew ew

and stan was like!! "haha STUPID!!! you're wearing rainboots dumbass i cant believe u fell for that" ( while literally proposing )

and kyle was panicked and freaking out like "w-what are you doing?!?!?!?"

and stan was like "what does it look like dummy shdlka"

( heeeeelp )

and kyle was like fully in shock like

"aRE YOU PROPOSING TO ME??????????!!!!?!?!?!?!?"

and stan was like "well i'm Trying to! Jeez! but it’s gonna take forever if you keep INTERRUPTING! ME!" unserious omg and is like "look, i couldn't ask you to the dance, so i decided to do the next best thing…which was to ask you to marry me!!! so what do u say?"

( a very reasonable and logical next best step help )

poor kyle he was not ready for this, this is like an insane dream he's having...yes he's had this dream before...they were older in it tho...yes stan looked like raven...i dont want to talk abt it

hes like

"whAT???!?!???!!!! STAN YOU CANT /ASK/ ME TO MARRY YOU!"

and stans like "why Not!!!!>:( i mean...ugh ok!! so it's Not Legal, but it will be! Eventually i hope! until then, it can be our secret! <3"

kyle is like "Nononono, i mean like...were in MIDDLE SCHOOL, stan!!! Adults get married and Have kids!!! Kids Do Not get married!!! also why -- why the hell would you want to marry Me of all people???"

he is sweating and shaking oh my god also stan is like wow so cute but also hes also....really nervous bc hes worried this is going Badly...poor stan...his luck with proposals going smooth is...rip

and stan is like "first off all Mr Technical! we are Preteens!!! and people say you're supposed to marry your favorite person in the world!!!! and YOURE my favorite person in the world!!! so why wouldnt i marry you if you're my super best friend???? but…”

*stan sigh*

“Ugugugh...Okay.

if you're That worried about us being too young to get married..."

stan, still freezing to death, soaked to the bone is like

"temporary me."

*flustered confused kyle vc* what????

and stan is like "temporary me!! like Temporarily Marry Me. like as a trial run? i'll propose to your right now and then in like ten years, when were adults and they've legalized gay marriage, come find me, bring me the ring & box back and ill replace it with a real one :') <333"

then continues

"but like...you're going to get into fancy schools and meet lots of rich smart successful people...so if you find someone else that you actually really love, that...that's...o-okay...you can just give everything back to me and wash your hands of it...just let me know which one haha! i guess...that's a little confusing? sorry! shdslahd whew!"

but kyle is still processing like "temporar...but what if you find someone else YOU love and want to be with instead???"

and stan just smiles and is like "i wont"

and kyle is like "stan!!! be seroius!!!!"

and stan is like "i Am being serious. I Wont."

( AAAAA MY STAN IS A ONE MAN MAN WHAT CAN I SAY! he is being so FR too like…im crying ur honor )

and hes like "okay but is that a yes....my legs are going numb"

and kyle is like "yes of-of course, but sta--"

and stan is like "SWWWWWWWEEEEET!" and slides the ring on kyles finger and gives him the box and then his watch beeps and hes like!!! "oh shit i gotta go catch that last bus or my mom will kill me!"

but before he goes he gives kyle a kiss on the forehead and is like "see you later, kyle marsh!!!"

and kyle is like "b-bye!!! s-stan broflovski!!!"

stan rings the bell on his bike at him and disappears into the night and kyle is just sitting there...looking at his hand...

A Temporaried Man

( also present kyle...does look at it often in The Stan Box...aka stans open casket aka the stuff they didnt bury with him rip...

also stan made that little ring so it fit on a much larger middle school kyles ring finger but...present kyle can wear it on his PINKY...as an Adult...so unfortunately...i think that says a lot about how kyle is doing with his...ed...unfortunately...im sad )

but yeah!!! my sons are married!!! anyways!!!! style world domination!

ok wait Actually i think before he left little stan was like

"ky!!! stop making the freak out face, dude!!! just breathe! relax!!!"

*rm stan vc* smile pendejo ;)

AAAAAAAAAA RAVESEY WORLD DOMINATION BABY!

-uncle nina vibing at 7am drinking a monster energy

p.s very inchresting that it’s been ten years…hm…

#idk if this makes sense because its like 7am #BUT LITERALLY MY SON THE ROMANTIC #like rm!stan is so cute because he was in love in love with kyle #like zero hesitation like he took that hockey puck in the mouth he carried all of kyles books ties his shoes #like it was so unserious and so Sad because stan was just like its ok i dont want to lose him so i wont tell him!!! hahaha we are Friends :#ALSO NOT THEM BEING TEMPORARIED #THEYRE SO CUTE #sometimes when people hit on him #bc kyle is super fine #but hates people #he says hes married #also says my husband #and also says stan #delulu behavior but its ok...he can be delulu bc actually...Hes Right #that doesnt happen that often for delulu people but it is actually happening for kyle and stan is a FIONE PUNK ROCK STAR CELEBPRETTY #so he actually fucking won #also little stan and kyle...so cute...love them

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