hai :3 trade offer
You get: art of your choosing
I get: infodump about space cat/and or autism (/nf btw)
*smug smile* YES, PLEASE.
I have talked about executive dysfunction before, but have you heard about
Autistic inertia?
It is the inability to change task or focus.
Our autistic brains love to be fully & all-consumingly engaged in one activity & we struggle to retreat back from it/ take a break to do something else.
You're probably familiar with the term hyperfocus, which is (to the person experiencing it) a positive side of being focused intensely on (preferably) your special interest. You can't stop & you're consumed entirely by it & it gives you joy. PURE BLISS!!
Although I tend to forget I exist during these times...
For me, inertia & hyperfocus are two sides of a coin.
Inertia does not give joy.
It can lead to the frustrating reality of my body & brain working against my desire to do something nice & relaxing.
It's independent of any desire to do the other activity; unlike procrastination, where you purposely avoid tasks due to reasons.
Example: I absolutely love The Legend of Zelda & I was in BLISS about the newest game. So naturally, one would assume I've beaten Tears of the Kingdom at least ten times & that I've reached 100%.
The hard truth: I have not even completed the four main quests, nor have I achieved to get the whole map of the overworld.
The desire to play it is... low. (SAD DONNIE NOISES)
This is because my brain struggles to adjust from one reality (the game isn't out yet) to the new reality (the game is released). I was so in awe & excitement that my brain still hasn't processed that it's truly playable now.
As time passes, the inertia will go away - you just have to be patient.
Sadly, autistic inertia is often seen as laziness or procrastination - a character flaw, if you will.
But it is tied to how our brains are wired & function. It's not a personal failure.
It's just one of many aspects that make autism a disability.
I'm trying my best 🥺💜
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i really hate trying to google things related to my intrusive thoughts but i want to try and understand why i think the things i think, but a lot of the time the results i get are unrelated or i get helplines suggested or i end up being triggered by something
it fucking sucks man
i dont want these thoughts, i dont want to deal with this - im very good at stopping myself from following through and at talking myself down when they get bad, i can recognise when they're getting too much for me and have ways to calm down without help
i just want answers as to why its happening so i can better prepare myself for when it happens and adjust my methods for safely resolving my intrusive thoughts in a more productive manner
i just want to know if my occasional sudden urge to drink is just my intrusive thoughts or if its something more, you know???
i have a family history of alcoholism and almost fell deep into a steady pattern of alcohol abuse myself when i was in college before i realised what i was doing and immediately stopped myself before it became a proper problem
are these urges to drink a symptom of a more serious underlying problem or is it just my brain being a piece of shit to me for no fucking reason
i know intrusive thoughts and alcoholism can go hand in hand, my main concern is am I handling these thoughgs correctly or am i setting myself up for hell down the road?
i haven't drank in months, last i drank was cider at Christmas and i had maybe 2 small cans and that was after having nothing for a whole year
and when i did drink in college it wasn't like i was binge drinking, i had a small sip of whisky maybe twice a day whenever i had to go into college and only on those days
that was more than enough as it was, honestly - it can start with just one sip to manage a headache, then its 2 then its 5 then you lose count
the moment i realised i was starting to try and justify drinking when it really couldn't be justified, and that i was falling into a pattern of harmful behaviour that would only worsen if i continued to ignore it, i immediately got rid of the last of my whisky and have never touched a drop since
i know not everyone can do that, I was incredibly lucky that i realised what i was doing before i couldn't stop myself
but now im worried that i had already done irreparable damage by that point
had i? or is it just my intrusive thoughts making me feel like i need alcohol so everything will be okay?? this bothers me a lot
i wont drink, i can't really rn anyway with the current state of my diabetes, but the urges are getting more and more frequent it feels like
and i am so fucking tired
anything that helps me shut up the urges would help a lot, even if it's just knowledge of what is causing them to start with
if i know what the problem is i can work on a solution
problem is, i dont know what the fucking problem is
the stress this causes does not help suppress the intrusive thoughts, as you can probably imagine, and only makes drinking sound all the more appealing.... the fucking joys
for the record, i am safe and sound tonight im just angry
angry and tired and angry at being tired and tired of being angry and maybe im also feeling a little bit robbed
but I'll be okay, just needed to voice this Bullshit somewhere
the ravens know i cant say any of this to my family lmao
fr tho, any info or advice is appreciated guys 💕
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Good mornooning my beloveds, soon I'm going to have a specialist coach work w me in the office to help w the brain fog/short-term memory issues I have thanks to my Grave's!
I've been advised to tell them that I have suspected AD.HD (bc getting a formal diagnosis is taking me SO long and my workplace assessor empathised SO hard) and supposedly they'll know within a session or two if I do have it, and it can be included in their report if I do so I can receive further guidance for it.
Honestly I've had more help in the few months I've spent in my current role than in the years I ever spent in my last dept, I'm so grateful.
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