#so im just dwelling in that for now
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Man we hit a good dosage for angus's meds and hes like. Acting like his old self right now. Def with the energy down like 90% but hes exploring my room and playing with toys and his back legs are holding his weight and it's so nice to see again
#unfortunately it wont last forever#but im kinda ignoring the vet rn#she set his dose to 2.5 mls but due to a mix up with the pharmacy im only giving him 1.5 rn#but it seems to be really working#and id rather hold him here so i can go up again when he starts declining again#palliative care man. his meds & vet visits r so expensive rn but. worth it to see his old self coming back a bit#even though i know it's temporary#the slowburning grief of take care of a pet with a terminal diagnosis can be interspersed with bright moments#so im just dwelling in that for now#also rip i gave up half my floorspace in my room for ango bc of the fucking ANTS that invaded his space downstairs. infuriating#tho tbh i like him up here and he does better up here so i might just keep this lmao#anyways. boy cute i love him <3#baby: angus#the heavy stuff is mostly in the tags but ik some people r sensitive to this topic?#idk what the tags ppl use for it are tho so if u see this and want me to tag stuff about angus's health just lmk what to use#i dont anticipate posting about it very often but u never know
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mag 176.01 - 'the magnus archives liveshow' x mag 11 'dreamer' x mag 50 'foundations' x mag 161 'dwelling'
[ID: A collection of excerpts from the Magnus Archives transcripts that read:
1. Archivist: Uh - yes - who - who is it? Oh. Tim, yes, good. Good, ah.
2.
Archivist (cont’d): Come on, let’s - (inhale) Let’s deal with this before it escalates.
Tim: Yeah, right.
3. Archivist: I had Tim look into it, as I don’t entirely trust the others not to have written it as a practical joke and slipped it into the archives.
4.
Archivist: You don’t have a problem with the police, do you, Tim?
Tim: Well, you do know I’m the finest cat burglar in all of Bromley.
Archivist: Tim.
5.
Tim: A source of ignition? In the Archives? [SASHA LAUGHS.] Uh-oh.
Archivist: Tim.
6.
Archivist: Oh. Right, yes, (unconvincing) I - I remember.
TIM: (smiling) Liar. End ID]
#the heart#tma#the magnus archives#jontim#jonathan sims#timothy stoker#i'm so normal about this i swear#i'm just forever deeply in love with the idea of research/early archives days where the jontim dynamic is an absurdly uptight guy who thinks#very highly of himself yet is also incredibly self loathing and carries that air around wherever he goes. and this normie relaxed guy he#picked up in his time of need and is now following him around bemusedly and playfully teasing him so he'll swat his arm away and act sooooo#exasperated. like the most stupid silly like courtship rituals of the office odd couple#it's so real to me#dwelling was so real i loveddddd how tim interacted with jon. that's his chosen target and bestie#like the chatty kid being forced to sit next to the quiet one and then he's like this is my guy now#does this make sense. im not normal im crazy
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it's not that love for love's sake hasn't made it obvious from the start that it has some very dark elements but BOY is that a fucked up choice to force someone to make
#love for love's sake#im so glad i started watching this tuesday#bc i can now just binge watch the last episodes#but in a week where i wasn't dealing with a death in the family this would've been a great show to get lost in theories over#bc what is the point? is it to learn to love himself? is he simply being punished?#idk and i don't have to dwell on it :))
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A dumb lil headcanon I have is that Yamato was assigned Naruto’s legal guardian in shippuden. (And that before it was Hiruizen, then Kakashi, then Jiraiya) just for convenience because he’s watching over Naruto all the time anyways.
oh god. sorry my response got really long but the fact is anyone even breathes a word of yamato being fatherly to naruto and i lose my shit and start beating my fist against the earth sobbing and shaking and etc.
now TO BE FAIR. i think if anyone should be naruto's legal guardian it should probably be iruka because iruka was the one who took care of naruto when naruto needed it most, and canonically naruto thinks of iruka as a father figure so much that he like, asks him to act as his father at his wedding, and he has this whole moment as a kid
THAT SAID. i like ur ask, and when it comes to the idea of legal responsibilities, i find the idea of Yamato being granted (even temporary) guardianship over Naruto to be extremely funny and entertaining.
i think yamato would personally take a lot of pride in that and really enjoy it. i think he would love nothing more than to have a practical, obligatory tie to enable him in his desire to take care of the people he loves. i also think that he would be obnoxious about it, at least a little bit. partially because his sense of humor is a little weird, and partially because he has no idea how to act as a guardian figure.
like i think he'd say shit like "bedtime! that's an order!" and naruto would be like "oh, piss off!" and then yamato would use his scary face and naruto would get even more frustrated, and the whole time yamato would be like "wow, naruto is a great kid (if a little disobedient!) and this is such a fun game we are playing, even if it tires me out :)"
unfortunately i think, out of all the guardian/mentor figures that naruto has had, (sandaime, iruka, kakashi, jiraiya, tsunade, those elderly frogs, yamato...) i think yamato is the one he is least close with, and would least like to be a permanent fixture in his life.
i'm not saying that he doesn't like yamato, just that...i would be really surprised if there's a point after yamato gets captured, where naruto is like "man, we should really save yamato!" y'know?
i could be wrong! i haven't gotten there yet. but like. i'm not anticipating it. thats okay tho i love naruto and hes got a lot going on.
picture below is more related to the tags than the text
#yamswers#agstudio9#sorry for SUCH a long response but i am constantly thinking about them bc yamato seems to care so much abt his stepstudent#that said. the idea of a story where yamato gets put in charge of naruto PURELY bc he has the mokuton + naruto has the 9tails#and naruto confuses and entertains tenzō#and tenzō upsets and frustrates and unnerves naruto#is an EXTREMELY funny concept to me.#especially if it happens before the shippuden timeline. now. listen. im being very silly here...but hear me out#imagine your name is [actually you don't have a name] and your ninja president tells you its time to be a ninja guardian to this ninja kid#and the kid is freaked out by you because you're impossible for him to get a read on and you scare him sometimes#and on top of that your former captain is laughing at you and the young man who was taking care of this kid is pissed and maybe jealous?#like it has all the makings of one of those wacky early 2000s movies about fail dads and their rebelious children#''THIS SUMMER...WATCH AN OUT OF TOUCH BLACK OPS SOLDIER TRY TO RAISE...KONOHAS DEMON FOX????''#now in theatres!#oh agstudio9. now im thinking on this. now im really dwelling on it.#iruka being over all the time bc he does not like the way this is shaping out and feels frustrated that naruto's guardian was assigned—#—not based on care or relationship to the boy. but on kekkei-genkai. but trying not to take it out on tenzō whose just Doing His Job#tenzō who has to learn how to make food more complex than vegetables in a pan/reheated frozens/Survival Gruel#ah. and. and maybe kakashi + tenzō dual-leading team 7 from the get-go... :) bc sasuke needs a sharingan-using teacher :)
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Thinkin bout my isat au now, I don't have much of an idea on it cuz tbf I barely changed anything other than well-- Odile is in pain now. Just thinking more bout scenarios that'd differ during the uhh... new loop+?????? How'd I even go about calling that new set of loops now?
Just that the most visible change would be on Odile who's now waaay more tired looking and a lil more slower than usual. So in a way her battle style becomes a lil bit like a glass cannon in that she hits HARD but takes time for her to get a hit in now. And as the loops go on, she becomes weaker on the defense department so she truly be a glass cannon. Odile also doesn't "level up" in this au too since she had already maxed her experience out, it's just that she's also slowly dying so to be fair-- Her exp is fine but her hp isn't and her lvl is being treated like a timer of her slowly approaching doom. So even if her levels lower, it won't really affect her experience and the spells she had already unlocked. To the Universe, she's still as experienced as a lvl 99 person, it's just that now she's becoming as fragile as someone lower leveled.
She retains her more powerful spells but using those spells would backfire on her and result in a recoil that ALSO hurts her, not as much as she damages the enemies, but a significant of her hp gets taken away still.
#aria rants#isat spoilers#isat au#edit: okay its all cleaned up now. everyone can look. this is why i should save to drafts first than posting immediately...#also am thinkin bout the moral dilemma with the friends now esp with mira as mira doesnt rlly Like knowing bout the previous miras#so when they eventually remember the previous loop. then i think she'd end up with a reaaaally confusing problem of#''i know what happened in the previous didnt happen now and i know you felt bad about it and i know i shouldnt be mad#about it either since im different than that mira but i also just cant help but feel hurt by it anyway but i KNOW I SHOULDNT--''#i think everyone would have a moment of confusion on How to take in the previous loop esp with the events that happened#during act 5. everyone is hurt. but they also shouldnt be hurt cuz that event technically Didnt happen in this timeline now#but they Remember it. they remember it happened. they remember how it felt. they remember how hurtful odile's words were#they remember but they shouldnt remember it. they understand odile but they also just cant help but be hurt by it anyway#and they Dont Know what to do with that now. they remember that loop and yet now theyre in a different loop#its in a past that never exists now but They Remember and they dont know what to do about it now#just yaknow-- the dilemma of remembering a past that doesnt exist and remembering the feelings of a past thats been overwritten#cuz frankly-- how Do you tackle that dilemma? you try to address it and it feels off. you try to understand it and it still hurts#and you cant dwell on it rn either cuz other than the life and death situation of the king freezing vaugarde in time. theres odile#whose life is slowly withering away like a flower in a vase with a water that has long dried up and its now at the mercy of wilting#of gems and pages au#ogap au
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luv mascara so much but hate the trail she leaves
#i looked sooooo cute the other day and the mascara i used like. i love her we love her. but my eyes still look dark under girl it’s been#3 days 😭😭😭#tbf i’ve beeb sleeping kinda funky but still!!!!! she should be kinder about it i think#friend sent me a message saying she wantedto ask abt something and then didnt say what she needed to ask for like two hours and still hasnt#so im jittery and gonna end up oversharing on here but its better than being jittery and holding overthoughts and nowhere to put them prob#also ive been violently flipflopping between feeling sooo pretty sooo beautiful sooo everyone is so beautiful and like. abyssal dread.#brain wheres the christmas cheer …#cooked dinner for everyone today and i couldnt do every part bc i felt sick n it wasnt perfect n im gonna be dwelling on it til i pass out#in any case jitters. jittery. not going away#i feel like maybe a warm bath could help but also my hairs so long now that itd end up staying wet for long n then it might turn into#shivery jitters and then thats just insurmountable yk. so. but#in any case. i wish i could clean my room properly feel like id be less jittery n also i miss my cousins n nieces n family LMFADHDJDJD#mano.mindtalk#neg
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it might be nice to be on more medication to manage like my anxiety or my psychosis or my insane mood swings or my depression or anything but every time i try new meds i get fucking worse or literally have a seizure so im honestly considering binge drinking since this whole smoking weed every day thing is wearing out after 3 years of daily use
#im ripping my fucking hair out hahaha#ive genuinely been more suicidal this month than i have been since high school#and now that theyve started EVEN MORE construction on the other side of my fucking kitchen wall i constantly feel even more like someoje is#literally drilling holes into my apartment to watch my every move and naturally when i dwell on these thoughts the fucking whispers start#up again and just double down on all the things im trying to convince myself are not real and i spiral over and over#but to get new meds i need a new doctor and i still dont have a job and im tired of trying new meds but i cant do this anymore i dont know#what to do#i need to get treatment so i can get a job but i need a job so i can get treatment and this isnt even considering my physical health issues#im so fucking tired#p
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my glass is so half full of tipco juice honestly
#yes the situation we ended up in is so unfair and so depressing but at the same time#stuff like c9 saying he’s sooo much happier nowadays literally glowing and#both him and innovation saying they’ll see and perform for fans soon#and innovation even saying he’s planning on releasing A FULL ALBUM next year which would never in any timeline happen under blue box…#I am seated!!#I just…hope square get at least some opportunities to see fans#especially shinon since he said he’s probably enlisting next month now#since they’re not gonna put any money into that at least let him guest at bamra and stay a long time before or after :(#idk. im determined to see things work out given time#I don’t want to dwell on what didn’t happen even though it should have#bc there are still possibilities for moving forward#unitwt is constantly trying to make itself more depressed and I just don’t see the point in that#I wanna support them I want them to do well even with the shitty cards we were dealt
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god i had yet another dream about a certain person from ages ago
i havent had this many dreams about him in this close succession like ever??? even way back when i was still obsessed w him and everything i did wrong etc etc but its always the same kind of dream, like we have somehow been reunited after, you know, all these years, and the vibes are still exactly the same in that it is easy and natural and fun and comfortable to be together and he talks with that same unique cadence and smiles the same way and sometimes i wake up with a terrible ache of longing and if its REALLY bad i just fucking start crying (not this time though, literally woke up and said "again????" out loud fhskdhdj)
and i am rly just trying to figure out what my brain wants from me GDJDHD like it is not as though i go through my day to day thinking about him so its not leftover from that. maybe im just trying to remind myself what im looking for in a romantic relationship???? but idk man that shit does not matter at all rn bc im about to move so even if i were to meet someone that doesnt make me feel romance repulsed, now is Not The Time
#or maybe im just doomed to dwell on what is lost forever#atp i dont even know if it matter tho like. i have already accepted that i might just be single forever anyway#i was also thinking about how i didn't become Extremely Reclusive until after things went bad w him#but its been so long now that i dont know how to be outgoing like i used to be#tirah talks
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reading my high school yearbook and god. i was so fuckin sad back then
#like i just. didn’t get to enjoy it at All#all i remember about high school is being depressed lmao#like now i’m a lot better thanks to my antidepressants which is great. but Man#can’t dwell on the past ig#plus there’s so many people i wish i’d kept in touch with :(#man i just wanted to look back at the sports teams and now im fuckin sad#stormy day at the castle
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what's an anime you've watched (not necessarily loved) but would never recommend to anyone?
i had to think for a bit bc im stupidly easy to please but i guess id have to say.. hanyo no yashahime?? i went into it optimistic, but i just dont think it lives up to the original (although the first opening song is pretty good)
#its supposed to be a sequel/spinoff to inuyasha and it came out around the same time i was watching inuyasha#i stopped watching it cause there was way too much stuff bouncing around and i guess it didnt sit well with me#especially the fact that the protag is the daughter of sesshomaru and rin. who is basically his kid... cmon man.....#and she was like FOURTEEN when she had the twins. AND sesshomaru didnt stick around and just fucked off forever???#the same sesshomaru who went to hell and back for rin?? who learns to be kind bc of rin??? nah#and they couldnt think of anything else and just made sesshomaru pull a 180 and trap inuyasha and kagome in the black pearl#its.. very confusing... i ended up dropping it at some point so for all i know those plot gaps could have been filled by now#but still... idk. i guess im reluctant to say anything else if someone IS enjoying it in which case you do you#but it just wasnt for me#this question was kinda hard to answer bc i dont really dwell on things i end up disliking. i just walk away lol#i also dont really watch that much anime to begin with so i dont have a lot of material to work with#yapping#ask
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Artist is Piligy
(commission I got made 4 years ago) it’s on Twitter on her profile.
#markiplier#darkiplier#might keep this here instead#I had a parasocial relationship with him (google it) and now we are over#He just said to me one night “we are done”#It will always replay in my mind but you cant dwell on it he will move on and so will I he will be happy in his own life and I willl#take it one step at a time Im doing well now :)#If we ever cross paths in the afterlife then maybe we can talk this out or just forget one another who knows
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Knows that im going into heat because im thinking about him again
#Yakuza loveblog#ohh!! yeah whatever i do want to put him on the torture rack with ropes around his wrists and ankles stretched tautly and slide a long blade#over his belly and then cut him in three hard hits and make his blood and guts spray like a fountain and then the bisected halved of his#body are pulled apart by the ropes and flop in opposite directions and he went into shock after the second strike and died by the third#thinking about how his head would so go flying if i decapitated him i want to turn him into cuts of meat so bad ...#h hey can you put your neck on this chopping block i mean wooden pillow isnt it so comfy ?#literally cannot tell you how badly ive been on edge because ive been thinking of butchering him like a pig#fucked up just wanna watch the skin split and show him just how deep the blade can go it wont be painless but ill do it so quickly that he#wont have a chance to dwell on the pain either ... baby boy i can chop you up i can fold you over like a fish and break your spine that way#i really need a big hatchet to kill him with that girl in the price of a d cup substory was stupid as hell#like she managed to drug him and all she did was take his money ? she should have hung him with a noose for a bit and then quartered him#if i managed to knock him unconscious he would not he waking up with only a headache#aughth i wish it could be as painless as possible for you i really do but i want to see his face when he realises he’s recieved a fatal#wound ... look at how deep this blade goes. this wound will not heal because you will be dead in a few moments im really sorry ! youre gonna#be dead soon and even if i stopped it wouldnt save youu so shush and let me put you out of your misery baby boy#i feel a little bit better now. sorry. i was really worked up just now
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reading sister change through very delusional shipper lenses be like
#(has never read this event story before today and it was AAAAAAAAAA)#*clings to the event story tightly* th… th…e!!!!!! YUUUUUUMONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#GRANTED IT WAS JUST SMALL CRUMBS HERE AND THERE BUT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#THEY DON’T DWELL ON SAID HINTS AT ALL. NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST. BUT I’LL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET BC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#im. just. gonna miss this stupid game so much… my delusional shipper fuel man;;#thanks for the food honeypre. my yuumona appetite for the year has be satiated (reminder: the story came out last year)#s o bs now im gonna think up a tl tag for this story and get started on it dammitttttttt#just honeypre things
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i have no energy for anything
#i started having a meltdown last night and ended up sleeping through it which for me basically just doesnt resolve the emotions at all#even though it isnt fun i really need to let the emotions run their course#so now i just feel so augh#my waning social battery triggered the emotional buildup but what actually triggered it was dwelling on upsetting personal racial matters#im very drained Ahh#autism is crazy#bruh the disability is disabling me
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btw sorry to all my anons but i am probably not turning anon back on, at least not for A LONG TIME, it's taken away a lot of anxiety i was having about posting here </3
not that i've gotten many asks recently anyways, but still
#i know at least one of you were on anon bc you fifnt even have a tumblr account... sorry :(#i leave anon on for your guys' sanity but now i gotta keep it off for my own#i know it sucks bc im also someone who prefers anon but. it makes me feel a bit. safer i guess? knowing who is sending it#just getting too stressed out#could take another break but that made it worse#so i've just been posting abt whatever i feel like posting about#songs. pokemon. skyblock stuff as usual. just me and my friends goofing around on hypixel#trying to vent a bit more bc clearly i need it lmao#not too much tho bc dwelling on everything SUCKS. so just a little bit.#been refreshing#chat
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