#I love reading about first experiences because i've already had mine | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thediktatortot · 2 years

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There's been something I've been thinking about for a while now with how fandom wank has grown into a monster that has begun to hurt more and more people in very real ways and one of those topics (only one. I want to say that because there are SO many factors that go into social politics in general and I can't speak for ALL of them. So please don't come in here with 'well what about-' No. I'm only talking about this single one.)

There's been a lot more talk about adults (I would say 20+ as far as that goes) reading/writing fanfiction that is based on teens/young adults (13-14 to 19-20) and how it's obviously a bad thing somehow and that is how people know you're a p/do or know you're a bad person somehow.

And I want to say something that I haven't really heard anyone talk about before but what it really feels like to me is going on.

Most often (I say most often because there are always going to be bad people in every demographic. You cannot take a group of people and find that everyone in that group are 100% good people. That's just how life is and it's up to you to keep yourself safe and learn how to set boundaries.) people are just...people. They are nuanced and layered and have have varying arrays of trauma and issues that they too go through their own life. There's culture and family environments that are different and depending on the age you are, your life experiences are going to be different too.

The life experience part is what I want to really talk about as far as Fandom goes. When adults (20+) read/write fiction about Teens/Young Adults (13-20), most often the reason isn't about them being a teen that is the main desire of reading/writing. The main desire is to read about First Experiences.

And what I mean by first experiences is that as you grow up, you experience firsts in your life that once experienced, you will never get that same feeling as the first time.

You can fall in love many times, but there's nothing like that first love, that first experience of falling head over heals for the crush you have who you fear to talk too because you might make a fool of yourself. That first experience of stepping foot out into the real world and feeling like this is your oyster. The first experience of sneaking away with friends or doing something taboo while your heart beats rapidly in your chest because it's fun.

For me specifically, those are the feelings I'm looking to get when I write/read stories about these younger characters. Sure, you can write a 25 year old who never fell in love before, but there comes a baggage with age that you don't have as a teen. With age, that 25 year old character who's never had sex or never fallen in love before gets a stigma placed on their shoulders by society. They grow insecurities that teens don't experience until their grown.

There's a layer of outward influence that gets placed on adults as they get older and hit different stages in their lives that things no longer effect you the same way as they would before, as they would if you were still fresh minded and unaffected by the needs of adulthood.

It's not about their age, it's just about the way you can experience things at that age that's different and nostalgic.

#Fandom Wank #Just a thought bubble #That's how it is for me #I love reading about first experiences because i've already had mine #you can only get those once #but through reading/writing you can experience them again

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embrosegraves · 3 months

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ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕖𝕕 𝕆𝕧𝕖𝕣

(request) Fernando Alonso x Fem!Reader Starting a committed relationship means telling all of your deepest secrets

Warnings: Mentions of negative mental health, mentions of abu$e, mentions of su!cide, talks of selfh4rm. I am begging you, don't read this if the topics discussed may trigger you

Note: I've never gone through anything like this myself so, with permission, I have based a little bit of the story on a very close friend of mine. It's not exact obviously, but there are elements of a real experience.

You hadn’t been dating Fernando for very long. Just barely 3 months. It still felt like a very new relationship, even if people said otherwise. It had been enough time to realise that you might genuinely love him. He never pressured you, he never made you feel less than, and he always made sure to tell you that you were enough. Sure it was the bare minimum, but it was always nice to know people could be like that.

However, the fact was that you were scared to love him fully. You had almost sworn off dating completely because of your last partner. Your ex had made you feel so unworthy of everything. He had almost convinced you that he was the only person who would ever love you. Almost. Thankfully you had an amazing support system in your friends and most of your family. They had helped you get out of a horrible situation and they were with you the entire time, helping you recover from the trauma you had experienced.

When Fernando had told you he was serious about dating you, you had said to him that it would be a long while before you went further than kissing and holding hands. Like a true gentleman, Fernando had told you that he completely understood that some things would take time, but he was willing to wait for however long it took for you to be comfortable. Which is why today was so important for you.

“I’m nervous to show him, Y/f/n. What if he runs off after seeing it?” You had called your best friend, who was basically like your sister, trying to get rid of the rest of your nerves and anxiety.

“Babe, I’ve seen how he treats and looks at you. He won’t run off and you’ll be okay.” She said, “You’re so brave and incredibly beautiful and he will see that regardless of your skin and scars. I promise if he hasn’t said ‘I love you’ before, he definitely will after this.”

You scoffed. “Thank you but I doubt it. Once he sees he’s going to run for the hills.”

“Who’s running for the hills?”

You jerked your head around and saw Fernando walking through the door. You quickly said goodbye to your friend who wished you luck, and hung up the phone. You turned your body so that you were fully facing Fernando. Thankfully he could understand that this was going to be a serious conversation, so he gingerly sat next to you and took a hold of your hands.

“I need to tell you something important.” You said, keeping your eyes firmly on the space of blanket between you. His thumbs started rubbing circles over your knuckles, bringing you some comfort.

“I don’t need to know if you’re not ready to tell me.” He said softly.

“No. You need to know this.” You took a deep breath before you launched into your explanation. It was now or never.

“When I was in my early 20s, I was dating this guy. He was my first serious relationship that I’d ever had and for a time I thought he was going to be my future. I didn’t realise it at the time but he was very isolating, and controlling. There were times where he would scare me and laugh when I’d cry. He wouldn’t always, but he would often tell me that he was the only person who could ever love me, and for a time I believed him.” You didn’t want to count the amount of times your voice had already cracked.

“It really took a toll on me. So much that in the last few months of that relationship, I started to hurt myself. Because part of me thought he was right. When he found out what I was doing, he started to- He started-”

Fernando wiped a tear from your face. When had you started crying?

Taking in another big breath, you continued. “He started to hurt me as well. He would press on them while they were fresh and he would bruise me to see the colours. If my brother hadn’t walked in, I probably would’ve taken my life.” You finally looked at Fernando’s face and saw that he had begun crying too. Lifting one of your hands you wiped his gathering tears.

“I decided that if our relationship is going to go further, then you need to see what I did to myself.”

You slowly stood up, taking your hands from his, and began to shimmy your trousers down until they were pooled at your feet. You kept undressing before you could chicken out. You took your cardigan off and your shirt followed soon after. Standing there, in front of Fernando in just your undergarments, your scars were on full display. The scars on your thighs and stomach had been healed over for many years now but they still looked just as angry as the day they appeared. You had to force your arms to stay at your sides instead of curling around your stomach like they wanted to. You tried your best not to flinch when Fernando brought his hands up to gently trace them with his fingers.

Fernando looked up at you from where he was still sitting. He looked at every inch of your face and he saw just how broken you were. His heart hurt just thinking about all the abuse you were put through. He took hold of your hands again and slowly dragged you closer to him, giving you plenty of time to back away if you wanted to.

When you stood directly in front of him, he wrapped his arms gently around the back of your thighs and laid his head to rest on your stomach. Your hands were on his shoulders.

“You don’t know how incredibly strong you are, Mi Vida. You are so, so strong and I’m so lucky to be with you now.”

By now the both of you had tears streaming down your faces. Neither of you bothered enough to wipe them off. You were terrified of how your relationship was going to continue, if it was continuing at all.

You felt Fernando leave soft kisses just over your scars, as if he was afraid to hurt you by pressing more firmly. Quiet sobs broke their way past your lips. Your grip on his shoulders tightened just a bit.

“Please don’t leave.” You whispered, voice heavy with emotion. Fernando loosened his grip and stood up to cup your face in his hands. You brought your own hands to rest on his wrists as he held you.

“There is not a single thing about you that would make me leave.” His thumb brushed a stray tear away. “I love you more than I can say.”

Hearing his words, you closed your eyes and began sobbing harder. Your arms wrapped tightly around his waist as you buried your head into his chest. Fernando hugged you close to him and gently caressed the back of your head.

“Thank you for being brave enough to tell me.”

I hope you enjoyed reading this! I tried my best to write this in a way that was both a little detailed but also very vague so let me know how I did!

as always, likes, replies and reblogs are always appreciated <3

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writingshushf1 · 1 year

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Ooo mick bc I cant find smuts abt him

Bereal

Summary: the app goes off and mick has an idea.

Rating: +18

Warnings: shameless smut, p!rn with a little bit of plot, shibari/restraining, unprotected (wrap it before you tap it!!!)

Word count: 0.6k

Note: god. this is the filthiest thing i've ever written.

masterlist

The room was hot, Mick had a wicked grin on his face, holding the ropes that were tied against your body.

Right after you started your makeout session, he said he wanted to try something new he heard the boys commenting, because of it, the German searched about and bought what needed, now wanting to try it out - he loved to experiment new things, so did you. After a few minutes, he made a star harness with arms shibari, it was not just beautiful, but restrained your movements as well, so he could take more liberty on controlling you.

You had your face against the mattress, while Schumacher thrusted hard inside of you, earning loud whimpers out of your mouth, he was loving every single minute of it. He held the piece of rope that restrained your arms, while the other travelled between your hips to slap your ass harshly, leaving you to whine louder.

If you weren’t already a mess from having him inside of you, the blonde started to kiss your neck, nibbling and giving big hickeys around it, slowly making them go closer to your breasts - avoid getting into the rope, of course, he didn’t want to ruin his beautiful work. When you weren’t looking, he grabbed a bullet vibrator and put it against your core, making you chant his name over and over again.

Out of nowhere, the sound of bereal rang from the driver's mobile phone, which made you two look at each other for a few seconds. He scrunched up his eyebrows, picking up the phone.

“Can I?”

“Just don’t show my tits or any of those parts.”

“I wouldn’t want to, they’re mine and only for me. No one needs to see it.” His face got closer to yours. “Because you’re mine, baby… And I would be very jealous if someone got to see you like that.”

You whimpered with his words, at first, he took a selfie, his face reddened by the heat and if you paid attention very closely, your legs appeared on the back of the picture, who were also tied up. Then, you let him hold your face to the side and show all the bruises on your neck and a part of your naked torso with the rope being very evident - of course, not showing your breasts. He turned off his phone, looking at you again.

“Such a beautiful good girl, letting me show off how good I take care of you.” He muttered, starting to thrust again in an agonising slow pace.

You were getting closer and closer to an orgasm and he kept provoking you, making you get into the edge of it, then slowing down at once so you would never get into your climax.

“Mick… Please.”

“What, baby?”

“I’ve been such a good girl… Please, let me cum.”

“Oh. Do you think so?”

You went quiet, looking at him while holding the most obscene moans. Schumacher chuckled, slapping your thigh and going again at a painful speed - now painfully fast, knowing that after that, it would be very hard to walk.

When you came, your walls squeezed him inside, making him cum too, screaming your name multiple times while he finished inside of you.

After this mind blowing sex, you two were laying together, cuddling naked on the bed when Mick grabbed his phone, seeing multiple notifications from bereal and his friend group chat. As he read the reactions of his friends - many shocked that he was into that sort of thing, the German showed you and you both laughed together at how their friends believed him to be an innocent person.

#mick schumacher x reader #mick schumacher imagine #mick schumacher fanfiction #mick schumacher #mick schumacher smut #mick schumacher x you #mick schumacher x y/n #mick schumacher drabble #mick schumacher blurb #mick schumacher one shot #msc47 #f1 imagine #f1 smut #f1 one shot #f1 fanfiction

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outlanderskin · 2 months

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Tobias Menzies

I was reading on a card how much would fit in ten years and I saw that in 10 Years

fit 120 Months

521,714 Weeks

3652 Days

87648 Hours

5258880 Minutes

315532800 Seconds.

And even in all this, it doesn't fit what it meant for me to wait for him.

Within these 10 years, there are memories of being persecuted since the beginning when I said that he was my favorite.

All the times, I had to explain the difference between actors and characters for people who hated him because of Frank and BJR.

All the times I've had to say that I really like Sam, but that at the top of my list will always be Tobias, and this isn't a sin.

All the times I said there was no dispute between them.

All the times I was hurt when I saw people from my side of the fandom excluding him from photos or wishing he wouldn't go to some events because it would "take the focus" away from the main actors couple (yes, this stupid thing happened).

I've been in this fandom since the beginning, and anyone who knows me knows that for me, it's always been about him. I'm not someone who started using Tobias to justify hatred or to disguise an unhealthy love for Sam. It was natural from the first day I looked at him. And a thousand times, I've expressed my pride about how private, talented, different, down-to-earth he is.

I've been going to Cons of Outlander since 2015, but he rarely does Cons, I had already met the loves of my fandom friends' lives, but never mine. Until Saturday, April 13, 2024.

When I took the first photo (with him and Sam) and saw him for the first time, everything around me disappeared completely. There he was, finally. I was practically led by my friend, I gathered all the courage to say where I came from, then he blinked, and all my senses and rationality, and 🎶🎶🎶 all that was me, was gone🎶. I don't remember how I left the room, but my friends remember... I needed to be strong, I thought. There would still be three photos with him alone (one of them a gift from much-loved friends), a photo with him and Sophie, and an autograph. I would have to maintain my sanity until then.

For the first time, I understood the fact that Sam Heughan's fans left photo shoots shaking.

During the photo shoot, I spoke quietly, and so did he, and for me, it was like a dance because I said he decided the poses and I followed. I left the session and I want to thank from the bottom of my heart the girl on the team who asked me how I was and I could only say "he's my favorite" and she hugged me.

There was a rush at the autograph, but I gave him a book about theatre from my country, and I believe it was a gift he didn't expect. He thanked me with his hand on his chest, like the gentleman he is and at that moment I wanted to be royalty because I was going to give him all the honors of a noble English knight that I could find in the Buckingham Palace . Do I like British Monarchy? I like Tobias Menzies.

Ah....how I wish I could sit down with him and say he has a fan page that I manage, say that I admire him for being truly discreet in every way. Ask about his process of acting , speak about Stanislavski, Brecht, Ibsen, talk about my experiences in the classroom with The Theater of the Oppressed and say how good is for me to see someone like him acting. But conventions are collective experiences, and there would be no time.

In ten years, a lot can happen... all this time waiting for him. And I would do it all again. Someone like him was worth waiting for.

#outlander #fandom is for fun #the love of my life

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inklessletter · 5 months

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I didn't expect to be this emotional today, but I feel like I need to share here, where I feel safest.

Not many close people, friends and siblings, know that I draw. Well, they know I've been drawing all my life, but it's not like they're aware what I've been doing lately. Due personal reasons, what I've been sharing this past year here, I kept it for myself until I was ready to share. At first only my bff and my (now) hubby knew about it, but then I grew confident and started sharing with some friends.

This Christmas I shared my socials with a first cousin, which loved what I doing. I told my parents and my in-laws, and they were really supportive. Like, they had no clue who these two guys are or where they come from, but they were all so nice about it.

Yesterday, I showed my godmother (and aunt) my latest piece (Eddie taking the picture). She told me, very effusively how much she loved it, and that she was waiting impatiently for the companion art.

She told me that she would frame them and hang them in her house. I thought that she was only being nice but she jsut sent me a voice note saying that she already had the frames. She sent a picture of them.

Then my mum went by today, and told me that she wanted another two to frame (her favs are the pairing of Eddie and Steve in summer), and another aunt of mine wrote me that how on earth I hadn't shown her sooner what I've been up to. My mother-in-law asked me to send her some of my pictures because she was in a family reunion and wanted to show what her daughter-in-law art skills.

Apparently, my godmother (whom I've inherited the passion for drawing from) had been bragging around.

Fucking bragging.

This may sound small and not a big deal, but to me this is huge. I went online in a rather anonymous way to do my art and my thing and whatever I'm passionate about at the moment, not expecting absolutely anything but heal from a traumatic experience that just dragged me down emotionally at a level of feeling absolutely worthless of any place in any community, with nothing to give, nothing important enought to write down and worth someone else to read.

I can't stress you enough how dizzy this makes me feel, how fortunate, how grateful, of having them in my life.

Just wanted to share that. Thank you for reading this far.

#inklessletter #personal

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randomblack-girl · 1 year

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I knew this guy with Uranus conjunct Mars in the 8th house and "it" was huge 😟

Siren in the 6th house have nice bodies

I feel like Jupiter in the first house wanna be thick so badly or they are but they usually have nice bodies

I might have already said this but chiron in the 6th house might have body insecurities or health issues the type to grow up fat then start eating healthy as they grow up or maybe they had bad skin and got into skincare

I hate to say it but it's true pisces placements do be lying especially ones related to the 3rd house/Mercury a friend of mine with Neptune in her first house admitted to lying for fun and an old friend of mine with Neptune in the 3rd house said she'd lie so people wouldn't know stuff about her (Scorpio rising) but I hate saying this because I have pisces/Neptune influence over my chart and I'm not a liar, but it is some of them.

There's definitely a connection between pisces/Neptune people and fishes, mermaids, etc my friend who has Neptune in the first house said she wants a little mermaid birthday party. They do look really good in a mermaid aesthetic, it's giving:

As a Scorpio rising I keep attracting Scorpio moons!!! And I love Gemini risings as a gemini moon and idk bout y'all but I get along better with people with similar placements to mine bc yk people be saying opposites attract...

What's y'all experience with Saturn in the 8th house men? Like what's going on down there? I'm curious 😭😭 I keep meeting guys with that placement I also don't know how to read this placement really, a lot of them seem kinda traumatized and closed off

People with Venus badly aspecting their asc usually think they're unattractive, it's sad

Ok so I have pisces Venus conjunct Uranus in a composite chart with this guy and we like each other but we live in different countries but he literally set the standard for my future bf 😭

On the list of hot voices is mars in the 2nd house. This guy ik has Capricorn mars in the second house and he sounds so smart and like a gentleman but hot at the same time. I also noticed he talks really slowly? Idk but I like it 😋. Sirene, Saturn, and Neptune also aspect his Mercury and neptune is in his 3rd house he has a pisces mercury too. I think pisces/neptune might make your voice nice, I have Neptune aspecting my Mercury and I've been told my voice is soothing. Ok I think Pluto makes a voice hot too because I'm noticing it's Venus, mars, and Neptune that keeps showing up in people's charts who have nice/attractive voices. Saturn can make them sound more mature and Jupiter can make them sound funny/be funny. Jupiter voices also sound deep and pisces/Neptune influence makes someone good with their words/poetic.

Idk if I'd say Scorpios look sexy/mysterious but I do try 😭😭 it's so hard though bc that's not who I am naturally I'm trying to just be myself though, I do notice I am just more reserved/quiet but that's when I'm not around friends or people I actually wanna talk to (Virgo 11th house) bc I don't really become friends with just anybody

I've noticed the connections I've had where the composite chart rising was Scorpio be deep/seem deep I love these relationships as a Scorpio/Pluto dom!!! I feel like we click and can talk about deep things like trauma easily

Idk the thing about tauruses and food is kinda right bc one thing about me...imma eat 😭 and I have a friend who's a Taurus moon who loves food

Let me tell you, having my Aphrodite and Lilith in Virgo and a pisces Venus the one thing I'm gonna do...is wear green, crystals, seashells, blue, etc ITS GONNA EAT EVERYTIME idc same with black but in terms of color? It's gonna be green, blue, and sometimes white (I'm still scared to wear white) but I love white too and omg don't get me started on grey and brown!!!! Or MATCHING SETS!? bye I want some juicy couture so bad!!! I love neutrals as much as I hate so say it bc it seems so basic but they're so easy to pair up and they look good together. But I'm trying to get into color and my favorites so far are green, orange, pink?, And blue also neutrals are easy because most likely it's gonna look good. Color can be complicated it's the same with patterns which is why I have a lot of basic tops now 😭.

Another thing I'm gonna do is wear tight clothes or crop tops 😋 and I honestly find it hard to not wear that or shirts that show cleavage now that I got a sewing machine I make everything a lil bit lower 💅🏾 and I love waist beads!! Emphasis on the stomach

And one time someone said "don't you think Tionna (me) looks good in comfy clothes" which is very interesting because taurus placements do look good in comfy clothes

Btw that picture came from Pinterest!

#astrology #astro observations #neptune #appearance #capricorn mars #mars #pisces venus #fashion #aphrodite #virgo lilith

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isabella-kr · 1 year

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Just read your reassurance fic and fuckin loved it. Absolutely feral for price rn. Not sure if you're still open for requests, but i am a strong believer that price gives the best hugs, holds you to his chest for comfort, problemsolving kinda hugs, but maybe something happened and now its oc/reader's time to return the favour.

This is the first time I've ever made a request so hope I did it right lol. basically I'm starving for fluff. maybe a bit of hurt/comfort.

Thank you so much for requesting!! I'm so glad you liked it!! I agree, he definitely gives incredible hugs and I would kill to experience them at least once. I hope you don't mind, but I made this an F!reader because you didn't specify and it's what I find easiest; however, if you'd like me to change this to gender neutral, let me know and I will edit this :))

Out of Your Control

Do not repost

Synopsis: After a mission gone awry, Price can't help but blame himself for everything that had gone wrong. Hugs won't solve the problem, but they will definitely help ease his nerves.

Pairing: John Price x Female!Reader (Hints of an established relationship)

Genre: Angst & Fluff / Hurt & Comfort

Warnings: Swearing, self-blame, Price cries, reader cries, use of ‘sweetheart’ and ‘love’

Word Count: 2k

General Masterlist COD:MWII Masterlist

GIF not mine

The mission was a disaster.

Everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong. It was as though the enemy was expecting them, and decided to make his defence ten times stronger, quicker, and more ruthless. It was clear that the mission was doomed for failure from the start, but they prevailed nonetheless; eager to complete their task.

The place was swarming with soldiers who were armed with weapons from head to toe. So were they, but no matter how armed their Squad seemed to be, the enemy soldiers had twice as many guns, and twice as many blades. They were like flies on a hot summer’s day, doubling at speeds that didn’t seem humanly possible, and before long, they were surrounded from every corner.

Their hushed voices rang out through the comms as they considered their next course of action. Yet as Price was about to tell them to retreat - to evacuate because there was no way they would come out if this mission alive – it was already too late. Loud sirens rang out in their ears, and the rapid sounds of stomping boots made the hairs at the back of all their necks stand up. It went south too quickly for them to even attempt to deescalate the situation.

Bullets rained down like hail, and it didn’t take a genius to know they would not be getting out of this scot-free, and none of them did. Some of their injuries were worse than others, but they all looked equally beat up, as though they were on the brink of death.

It was barely an hour later that they were sat in the medical bay, with nurses and doctors running around them like headless chickens. Their frantic movements and hushed whispers made her head feel like a balloon ready to be popped, and she could only assume the others felt the same from the way their faces scrunched up with discomfort.

Price was nowhere to be seen, having ran out the moment the nurses told him he was free to go. The Captain’s injuries weren’t as severe as the others, and that only seemed to worsen the guilt he was already feeling.

It was Soap who looked the worst out of all of them, like Death himself was about to knock on his door and take him away. Yet somehow, with half of his face turned purple, and his left eye swollen shut, he still managed to send her a sweet smile the moment their eyes locked together.

She sent him a sympathetic glance in return, hissing and flinching when a bullet was suddenly extracted from the flesh of her thigh. She almost glared at the doctor who pulled the metal out of her, but stopped herself when an anti-septic was wiped over the open wound, and another wave of pain made an anguished groan leave her throat. She could only sigh and wait for this to be over; to finally leave and get some time for herself.

“Take this,” a nurse spoke with a sweet smile, giving her three small pills and a cup of water. Once she downed the medicine and emptied the small, plastic cup, the nurse nodded, “Good. Now, you get some rest, alright? You need it.”

“Thank you,” she nodded, plopping down from her bed to leave the stuffy room. She winced with every limped step she took, but decided she would rather suffer than spend the night in the medical room because of a non-fatal injury.

She wasted no time before making her way over to her room, welcoming the familiar smell with a smile on her face. The material that was soaked with her sweat and blood was pulled off her tired body, and soon replaced with something more comfortable. The new clothes were soft to the touch and didn’t stick to her bruised skin, making her sigh out in relief. She decided to wear something that would cover her up entirely, not out of modesty, but to hide the injuries from the captain’s guilt-filled eyes.

After leaving her room and making another stop to brew two cups of tea, she began making her way down a long corridor. It didn’t take her too long to arrive at Price’s office, though the wound in her thigh definitely slowed her down somewhat. His door seemed to be locked shut, for when she pressed her elbow against the handle, it didn’t budge.

With a small sigh, she knocked on the door with the rip of her boot, and waited for the door to be opened. Yet no sound came from inside the room; no gruff voice telling her to piss off; no sound of papers rustling, and no heavy footsteps making their way across the room.

She exhaled sharply, eyes closing as she kicked the door harder than before. Some of the tea trickled down from the mugs, the steaming hot liquid burning the skin of her finger. She ignored the burning sensation, instead focusing on the man who she knew was on the opposite side of the door.

“Sir, I need to speak with you,” she spoke out loud, hoping the sound of urgency in her voice would get him to open up. But alas, the silence continued. “Captain-” she looked around her, making sure there was no-one there to hear her next words, “John… please let me in.”

That seemed to get him moving, as only a few seconds passed before the door was pulled open. She walked in without waiting for permission, and placed the two hot mugs on his desk. Her eyes were quick to notice the scattered papers on his desk, his handwriting turning frantic on some of them.

Her eyes soon settled on the bearded man who walked around the desk and sat down in his chair. He had a blank look in his eyes, and she slowly sat down on the chair on the other side of the desk. She moved one of the mugs closer towards him, but he made no attempt to reach for it. His eyes didn’t even glance down to look at it.

“John,” she spoke slowly. Softly.

He didn’t look at her, and she swore his eyes were avoiding eye contact at all costs. There was a dark bruise forming on the apple of his left cheek, the skin turning a dark purple, mixed with a sickly yellow. A deep gash also decorated his clavicle, the skin red a raw, yet the wound was not deep enough to require stitches.

She could feel her heart break into a million pieces at the sight of his hopeless state. “John,” she whispered once again, “…sweetheart.”

This time, his eyes moved to look into hers. They were glazed over, and she could tell he was close to cracking, the guilt eating him up alive.

“This wasn’t your fault, John,” she told him with a shake of her head.

He let out a humourless laugh. The type of laugh that told her just how deep in despair he was. “Yeah, it was. I should’ve known better.”

“John, no.” She disagreed, “You couldn’t have predicted this.”

“No, but I should’ve been ready for it,” he argued, “I should’ve been prepared for things to go wrong.”

“And you were,” she spoke softly, “But we were all taken by surprise. None of us could have known this was going to happen. No matter how prepared we could have been. No matter what you think you could’ve done, we were simply too outnumbered.”

With a tilt of his head, he exhaled sharply, “This was supposed to be an easy mission. In and out.”

She nodded in understanding, “And it would’ve been if the information you were given was correct,” she pointed out. “This one was out of your hands, John.”

He shook his head in disagreement, hie eyes trained on the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. With a small wince, she pushed herself off the chair and walked over towards him. Her fingers curled around his jaw and she moved him so that his eyes were locked with hers.

“John, what matters is that we’re all alive.” She told him, “You’re fine. The boys are fine. I’m fine. We’re all okay.”

With a blank stare, his hand moved to her thigh and applied some pressure in the exact spot where the bullet had penetrated her skin. He didn’t do it hard, in fact, he barely touched the area. Yet despite all that, she felt like a thousand needles were stabbed into her sore skin at once.

She choked at the pain that travelled through her body, and her hand instinctively pulled his away. He stared at her with a look that told her he did not believe a word she just told him. How could he when the soft, and otherwise welcome gesture caused her so much pain.

“You don’t sound fine to me, love.”

“John.” She scolded, “This isn’t something that’s never happened to me before. I’ve lost count of how many times I got shot, and I’m sure you have too.”

He didn’t respond to the accusation, his eyes only closing in shame. With a small, yet deep sigh, she managed to pull him towards her. The non-bruised side of his face was pressed against her chest, and her arms wrapped securely around him. The palm of her left hand cradled the back of his head, whilst the other moved to rub comforting circles on his shoulders.

“I know you won’t believe me,” she whispered, “But none of us blame you. Not Ghost, not Soap, not Gaz, and most definitely not me”

Upon hearing her words, he wrapped his arms around her torso and pulled her even closer to him than she was before. A small whimper left his lips, and he moved his face so that his nose was pressing against her. She moved down, carefully not to startle him, and kissed the crown of his head. She kept her face there, only tightening her hold around him when his body began to shake; the dam which he had built breaking into pieces as he allowed his emotions to flow freely.

His tears soaked through her shirt, and the situation made her own eyes well with tears. She didn’t care when they began to roll down her cheeks, or when his fingers clenched around the material of her shirt and pulled on it. She only cared that he finally let himself feel, without shoving his emotions away until they became unbearable.

“We would never blame you for this. Sometimes things are out of our control, okay?” She hummed against him, “There’s no point in beating ourselves up over it. It’s in the past. We can’t change it, so let it go. Please, just let it go.”

A sob wrecked through his body, and his fingers let go of her shirt to dig into her skin. He managed to nod against her, and she felt as though a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She knew the guilt had not fully left him, and that they still had a long way to go, but this was progress. She was just glad he was willing to try and move past it, and no matter how long it would take him, she would remain by his side the entire time.

She would wrap her arms around him and hold him close as he let the tears flow freely, just as he had done for her so many times before. She would hold him for as long as he needed her to, even if her arms began to ache, she would keep her arms wrapped securely around him.

“Just please…” she sniffled, “Don’t beat yourself up over this. We’re all going to be fine. Nothing a little rest and some medicine can’t fix.”

“And some stitches.”

“Yeah,” she let out a small laugh as her lips pressed against his hair once more, “And some stitches.”

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flanaganfilm · 1 year

Note

Good morning/ evening! My name’s Sam and I’m currently a film student hoping to get into freelance writing. I’ve got a couple questions if you don’t mind (hoping you haven’t already answered them and I just missed them).

When you first starting making your own films, did you have already have thick skin for any critics/ bad reviews? Or is that something you grew over time?

Also, for your production company, do you hire interns and PAs or do you prefer filmmakers with more experience?

Thank you!

To your first question, I do not have a thick skin in that area AT ALL and never have. I don't know many people who do.

I'm often approached by fans who will talk about what a project of mine means to them, or I find a review or think piece online where the author really connected with my work. I want to let that feedback in, because it's validating. But letting it in means letting ALL of it in, even the negative. I don't really get to pick and choose. Once I decided to let myself react emotionally to other people's feedback, those gates are open I've got to accept whatever comes through.

I take my work very seriously, and tend to pour my heart and soul into it. We make these things because we love them. It can literally take years of daily work to do. When people love it, it feels great. When people don't, it hurts. There's really no way around that.

Film criticism has, like a lot of things, devolved over time. I was a massive fan of Robert Ebert, who was thoughtful and sophisticated in his critiques (most of the time), and tried to approach each movie he watched on the film's own terms - from the perspective of "how successful was this at achieving what it set out to do?" I see a lot of criticisms today that don't do this, and instead are lamenting what a movie is or isn't, saying things like "I wish this was more..." or "This isn't good because I wanted it to be something else."

"I wanted a ________ and what I got instead was ______ so it sucks."

The other issue is that loud, sensationalized vitriol gets more clicks. Negative reviews, especially brutal and callous ones, get more attention than positive ones. I've gotten to know and befriend some professional critics over the years, who have all told me that the positive reviews don't generate the audience reaction quite like the negative ones. People enjoy watching things get beat up. We reward the wrong kind of discourse, and that isn't unique to film criticism - it's everywhere. That's just a symptom of our culture.

One of my great frustrations is how we assert our opinion as objective truth. There's nothing more dangerous than tweeting "I liked ______ movie!" The comments flood in about how you're wrong, how it sucks, blah blah blah. People think their own taste is somehow factual. If someone says "I had a fantastic steak dinner last night and I loved it," we don't say "you're wrong, steak sucks". We understand the concept of taste when it comes to other things we consume, but when it comes to entertainment each one of us thinks we're the ultimate authority.

For myself, my producer and my wife have long discouraged me from reading reviews. I still can't help it. It's not healthy though. I can scroll past a dozen positive ones, and they evaporate in my mind, but I read one scathing thing and it sticks with me for days. There is one particular review of MIDNIGHT MASS that is one of the most baffling and frustrating things I've ever read, as the author appears to have misunderstood just about every aspect of the series, and drawn the angriest, most misguided, most erroneous conclusions. I read it with my jaw on the ground... "but they're objectively wrong. That isn't what happens, and that isn't what the show is even about." But what can I do? Who am I to say their experience of the show is invalid? They feel how they feel, and that's fine. That's okay. It has to be.

So your skin doesn't get thicker, it is a bizarre emotional experience to put something personal out there into the world and see the gamut of reactions. But at a certain point you have to remind yourself that it's impossible to please everyone, and that these projects don't belong to the filmmaker - they belong to the audience, and each and every one of those experiences is unique and valid. Perhaps there are lessons to be learned, and perhaps the critique can help you grow as a filmmaker.

I have similar feelings when I see someone trashing someone else's work I happen to love - for example, I remain baffled by people who didn't like EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, but that doesn't mean anything. It didn't work for them, that's all. Nothing works for everyone.

I have found over the years that I respect and appreciate analyses and criticisms that take this more personal point of view, and talk about their own interaction with the work as opposed to just dismissing it outright. When someone says "this movie didn't work for me," or "I didn't connect with it," or "It just wasn't my cup of tea," I have a much easier time taking it seriously. It's changed how I talk about my own reactions to movies or shows that I didn't respond to. And I found that it's made it much easier for me to enjoy things even if they aren't quite for me. Instead of being reactive and saying "it sucks" or "I hate this," I've gotten better at realizing it's not a binary experience - I can look at what DOES work for me, and I can appreciate it, even while other elements might not.

It makes for a much more nuanced discussion, and helps me grow. Sometimes, though, it's just the wrong thing to watch on the wrong day, and that's fine too. Maybe that makes it a little easier. If I step out of something and just really don't enjoy it, it helps remind me that it's not personal. Clearly, other people DO enjoy these things, sometimes I'm very much in the minority. And when that happens, I can say "oh, it's not so bad if someone hates a movie I made, or a show, or whatever. Life's too short."

But I long ago decided I'd never say anything negative about someone else's work in public. I know too much about what it takes to make a movie, and I'm not a critic. I'm a filmmaker. This town is too small, and there is zero upside in dragging another filmmaker's efforts. On the rare occasions when I do see another filmmaker indulge in that behavior, it is always a terrible look. And it can have real-world consequences - there are a few filmmakers who I've seen publicly slag off other people's work, and I quietly decided never to hire them. Like I said, it's a small town... and most of us read what people say about our work.

We should get back to that work, remember how lucky we all are to do this for a living, and leave that kind of thing to the critics.

#filmmaking #criticism #boy do I miss Roger Ebert

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fanaticsnail · 5 months

Note

I watched the Storyteller version of Sapsorrow and knew it sounded familiar! I read "The Magic Fish" by Trung Le Nguyen. It's a graphic novel about a young Vietnamese boy struggling to come out to his friends and parents, particularly because they're immigrants and he feels they might not understand. His mother and him bond over fairy tales and there are three main tales in the novel that are used thematically, the first is Tattercoats (i.e; Sapsorrow), the second is a Vietnamese story Tâm Cám, and the third is the little mermaid. The Tattercoats story is a little different than the Sapsorrow Storyteller version or your version, but the art is beautiful I seriously recommend the book from the art alone (and if not the art, the Vietnamese fairy tale is kind of like Cinderella at the beginning but so interesting and full of plot twists).

I have to thank you for introducing me to Storyteller though, I'm gonna have fun looking at all their other retellings.

Oh my goodness, I know The Magic Fish! I haven't read that one in years!! Thank you for reminding me it exists, sweet snail. I adore it.

Of the Storyteller Series (1988), I have littered some of the plot points in several others.

Remember Me: (Shanks x Bride!Reader), I had "the true bride" in mind. Particularly her apprehension at having her hair touched. In the story in that case, it was a promise to not let another person kiss their cheek - in mine it was a sweep of the hair.

Drawing inspiration from things that impact your heart is so much fun. Makes it all the more real, in my humble opinion.

There are only nine episodes: (All are linked to YouTube for ease)

The Soldier and Death

Fearnot

The Luck Child

A Story Short

Hans My Hedgehog

The Three Ravens

Sapsorrow

The Heartless Giant

The True Bride

I would honestly love to write an OP fic for each of these.

Soldier and Death - Zoro He traps death, now unable to die. He has lived his life to the fullest, but death is the only thing that truly fears him. Reader is the reaper, ordered by Death to not claim him. Fearnot - Luffy He's just a sunshine boy who has never been frightened a day in his life. He wants to experience fear. Just once. The Luck Child - Buggy He is a failing forward king, as the usual. Circumstances demand his death, he continues to thrive. A Story Short - Usopp He has to perform a series of storytelling adventures and present them towards the court for a hundred days. On the hundredth day, he has come up with nothing. What will he do? Hans My Hedgehog - Corazon He will only reveal himself to his wife at night, cursed as a monster within the hours of daylight. She wants to break him of this curse, but has no knowledge to help him. The Three Ravens - Sanji Just imagine Sanji desperately crying out for his love to grace him with the sound of her voice, begging her to say something to aid in her defence - bound to the stake and threatened with death if she does not speak. Ahhhhh. Screaming. Sapsorrow - The one I'm actively working on with Mihawk The Heartless Giant - Doflamingo Speaks for itself, truly. He just is. I could also do this for Sir Crocodile, if I wasn't too busy shipping him with @empressofmankind's Shivs. The True Bride - Already partially did for Shanks. I would love to visit this trope again for him though. Have him be the one with amnesia trope.

Honestly, I would love to do this as a massive moot fairytale collaborative au.

@since-im-already-here - what say you, sis? You reckon I've got the characters and the prompts down for each series?

@gingernut1314, do you know this jim henson series? You want to take a crack at one of them?

@writingmysanity - go on. I know you want to do the Corazon. You so, so want to do the Corazon.

@sordidmusings 👀 c'mon now. Romance, pining. Angst. All that good stuff, dear.

@feral-artistry, you've even already drawn some puppets. You know you want to....

#one piece #opla #opla fic #one piece live action #x reader #buggy #mihawk #shanks #usopp #zoro #sanji #luffy #doflamingo #corazon #the storyteller #the storyteller au #fic prompt

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ghostoffuturespast · 5 months

Text

Works In Progress 2023: A Cyberpunk 2077 Year In Review

I thought for a hot minute about doing one of those snazzy templates that’s been going around, but editing photos just ain’t my MO and rather than going by month I picked 12 favs that I’ve posted in 2023. Some of them were popular, some of them weren't. Overall, I think I did pretty good for just doing vanilla photomode on console.

You might be wondering why there's a picture of a sticky note. I don't remember when I started doing this, and I'm horribly inconsistent as you can see by the dates, but I'll jot down my word count for my wip chapter and then jot it down again when I remember to later.

I write slow. A lot of times I sit down to write and it feels like the wheels are spinning in place. My minutes and hours don't stretch very far, typically don't add up to much. But days, weeks, months. That's when I can at least measure the progress.

Fic: So It Goes 40/44 - 438,946 words

My V x River Ward and tinfoil hat conspiracy theory long fic. I've spent way more hours on this then I have on any of my VP.

I got tagged by @just-a-cybercroissant @therealnightcity and @wanderingaldecaldo to do some WIP Whenevers. I post my VP pretty regularly, so it’s always seemed silly to do work in progress posts for them, and I don’t know when I’ll have any new writing to share since in between work and the holidays, I haven’t had much time to sit down with anything since my last chapter update. And I've been feeling very... stingy, lately. Especially when it comes to mine and other people's writing. So take this WIP/Year In Review as my offering. Both these series, as am I, are all very much still works in progress.

I confined my reflections for this year below the cut. If you don’t want to read my long-ass essays, you can admire the pictures, maybe check out my fic, or just move along and have yourself a lovely day.

We’ll start with the easy one.

After at least a year of multiple playthroughs (I’ve played all the lifepaths, done all the endings), it only occurred to me at the beginning of this year to start taking VP. Part of the reason I never did before was because I didn’t realize it was a thing and then by the time I did, I figured I didn’t have much to offer. I play on PS5 and only have access to vanilla photomode, so seeing everyone else’s high-fidelity, ultra ray-tracing, modded, posed, full on virtual photo shoot photos, I was like there’s no way. (Not that I’m hating on PC modders, it’s just not everyone has access to mods or a PC capable of running the game, and I’m all for making art and creative endeavors accessible.) On top of that, all I’d ever heard from most other folks was how much vanilla photomode sucked. In the glamorous world of VP, I didn’t think there was any room for me.

But I started snapping pics anyway. And sure, there are a lot of limitations with vanilla photomode. But what that really translates to is opportunities to get creative. I am also a hoe for subverting people’s expectations, and very much believe when there’s a will, there’s a way.

Environmental and landscape shots were my first subjects before I started branching out into portraits and then capturing story moments. Through VP I found an entirely new way to enjoy a game that I’d already played a ridiculous number of times along with also finally being brave enough to share my V with other people too. I’d always worried about that before, if people would like her. Granted, I know Grandpa’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you like her or not, I certainly think she’s made a name for herself over the past few months. Even if most people haven’t really gotten to know her the way I’d hoped.

I’ve taken hundreds of photos this past year. Most of which I’ll never share. There’s a lot of flops, a lot of weird experiments, ones that didn’t quite turn out the way I’d hoped, but I’ve learned something from every single one of them. I know how to spot good lighting, frame shots to create optical illusions, get a very limited toolkit to work in my favor, parkoured on all of the things, and heck, I even figured out how to make Grandpa smooch other NPCs. I’ve done atmospheric, mundane, down right goofy, as well as things that most people probably thought weren’t fucking possible.

I can’t say how long I’ll keep doing this, I’m sure I’ll move on at some point, but for now I’m still enjoying myself. There's a lot to explore in this game and I just can’t stop digging Night City.

Now, for the more complicated thing.

Writing

So It Goes… My peace, my war, my greedy and most ravenous of ghosts.

I’m operating under the assumption that most people following me here probably haven't read my fic or aren’t all that interested in reading it to begin with. It’s fine. But you need to understand this fic, my writing, is the main thing that brought me here. This is also Grandpa V’s story. Most of you have met her, but unless you've been reading, most of you do not know her.

I wrote around 185,000 words and posted 10 chapters this year. 2022 was about 253,000 words and 30 chapters, along with several unrelated one shots. However, I don’t think I’ve done a single chapter this year that was less then 10k, and my longest managed to hit 27k. As of the last update I posted, the fic is currently sitting at around 439k words, 40 chapters, and still isn’t done.

I have four more chapters to write. I have written a metric shit ton of words. This is, by far, the longest and most intense creative project I’ve ever endeavored to complete.

When I started writing, I was expecting this fic to be around 100-150k. That seemed to be the average for most long fics. I did not plan on being an outlier. I'm not sure you can ever really plan for that, but I guess I enjoy subverting my own expectations too.

For those of you who are reading my fic, it is my sincerest hope that it shatters every expectation of where you think it’s going. It’s not a joke that I tagged my fic “#an ode to my tinfoil hat”. An ode it has turned out to be. I’ve been sitting on this theory for two years. I have told no one about it. I hope it sticks the landing and hits the way I want it to. I don't know if it will. But fuck, I just want to be done with it so I can move on with my life, take a break, and give myself the opportunity to make and focus on other things before I have to get back on the damn horse.

I wrote less this past year then I did in 2022. I had a lot of life changes, most of which were good, but with times of change come times of adjustment. Along with some realizations that maybe you don’t understand as much as you thought you did. Looking back, I’ve been in a state of unsettled, kuzushi, for a really long time. Which is not a good place to be. It’s how your ass ends up on the ground with a knee knocking out all your teeth. I thought I knew better. Thought I had enough practice to get away from it. But bad habits have good memories.

I think given the circumstances, I accomplished a lot with my writing this year. I don’t know if my writing is exactly where I want it to be. I doubt it every will be, but it’s evolved, grown, and I wrote a pretty hefty stack of words considering I started working full-time again, bought a house with my partner, moved, and have been dealing with the millions of other beans that life tends to throw one’s way. That being said, and for full disclosure, I’ve also been dealing with some of the worst cases of jealousy and envy I’ve had since I was a teenager.

Frankly, it sucks. They walk with me every fucking where I go, hold my hands to whisper back all my doubts. Try to persuade me to my baser instincts, to be cruel and lash out. But that's not aikido. Luckily, I’m not 16 anymore so it’s at least been easier for me to identify the problem. Though I’m still coming up short in terms of actually being able to do anything about it, and will be for at least a few months more.

Yeah, I keep talking about it because I don’t know how many people know that I've been feeling this way. And I’m tired of not talking about it in a room full of creatives, because yeah, I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. And not talking about it just makes all that pent up resentment worse for everyone.

Don’t get me wrong, I love writing. But with the way I work and think, it’s a slow, tedious, and incredibly time-consuming art. With how much my fic has snowballed over the course of writing, it’s left very little room for the other hobbies in my life. And as my fellow writers probably already know, writing is an incredibly insular craft. And unlike a picture or an image, which only requires a glance, reading a bunch of words requires time and commitment.

So, when you put yourself out there and share what you wrote, it’s a lonely feeling not knowing whether or not anyone connected with what you put on the page. Especially, when the people who do read aren’t compelled to voice anything and when the people you’d hope would read don’t. And then you're stuck in the dark, not knowing, because neither of us says a goddamn thing.

I started writing this fic prior to actually joining the CP2077 fandom. And I joined the fandom because I felt alone. I’ve been here a while now, albeit in a few different places, and that feeling still hasn’t gone away. I’m still trying to find camaraderie with my fellow writers and carve out something that kinda sort of resembles a home or a sense of community. I watch my peers around me as they seem to build that with each other, except me.

I’m envious of the things that people make and jealous of the relationships those have created and fostered between said people, because for the life of me, it’s been a struggle to cultivate that since I got here. I know it’s selfish, but I also don’t know what about me makes people so hesitant. There have been a handful of strangers that have shown up for me regularly, but as far as people I call friends in this fandom that have shown up and actually stuck around, I can only name one right now. (I know we're all busy. And I acknowledge my writing's not for everyone. I know maybe some of you are quiet, or shy, or probably a thousand other things. I get it. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt any less. People will never know unless you say. Never know unless you take the time to interact or engage. Be brave. And that's true for a lot of things.)

The propensity is for the negative to outweigh the positive. I've got a lot of numbers on my fic, so you would think things would be fine, but at this point they just feel empty. They don't bring me any comfort or real satisfaction. And I hate feeling like the people I know don’t care and that most of you are just talking around me. That I’m some kind of annoyance not fit to interact with. Which may or may not be the case. I don’t know. Again, most of you have never said anything. And maybe I need to accept the fact that most of you never will.

But this is me trying to start conversation.

It’s really shitty, knowing that the thing I want the most is also the thing holding me back. I know how to work on it too, not that it’s any guarantee. The problem is I’m still writing and in a needy state of greed. And because I’m slow, I don’t have the time or the energy to be generous. I can only take right now. I can’t give.

Relationships require both.

I can’t bring myself to read other people’s writing. I can’t comment, or like, or share if I haven’t read anything. I'm desperate for conversation, but I also don't have the time or assurance to facilitate it with other people right now. And for some reason people never seem to want to talk to me, especially when it comes to writing. I want to be part of conversations, talk deeply with other people. But I can’t speak right now, I'm not in a place to offer generosity without someone first giving it to me.

And generosity and grace is what we all need.

Four more chapters and I hope my ghosts will finally let me read in peace.

#cyberpunk 2077 #2023 year in review #year in review #virtual photography #writing #from the top #fic: so it goes #long post #i can't guarantee a safe space but i can guarantee a brave space #if anyone's been feeling similarly and wants to talk about it my dms are open #the door's always open

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vintagemoon1 · 1 year

Text

love letters

𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀 ; beomgyu x gn! reader

𝗀𝖾𝗇𝗋𝖾 ; fluff

𝗌𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒 ; after going on a hike (spontaneously) with your bestfriend, you expected anything but you surely didn't expect a picnic and a love letter.

𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗌 ; lowercase letters intented. reader cries because beomgyu is too sweet.

𝗐𝗈𝗋𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍 ; 1.12k

𝖺/𝗇 ; i just thought the idea was so cute to not do it. also the word facet (if you don't know) means one part or particular aspect of something/one side of a precious stone. happy reading!

──────────────────────

"gyuuuu," you whine out, tugging on his hand. "it's been 3 hours since we've been walking!" you complain, dropping your hand from his.

it all started with a simple question.

"what do you think about hiking?" your best friend, beomgyu, asked.

"i have never tried it before but i'm sure it's fun." you replied, shrugging as you went back to your phone.

"do you want to go to hiking?" he asked. your head snapped up at him, furrowing your eyebrows as you shut your phone and scooted closer to him.

"right now?" after knowing him for several years, you knew his intentions very well.

"yeah, right now."

"alright then. let's go." you sarcastically stand up. beomgyu follows the suit with a grin on his face as he jumps.

"let's go then!" he intertwined your fingers with his as he guided you. you could've sworn you felt butterflies in your stomach.

"wait- i-" you started before closing your mouth as he had already started to drag you.

"we're right here!" he exclaims, running towards a specific tree. you sigh, trudging towards him slowly. you drop on the ground, panting.

"have some water." he throws you a water bottle. you catch it before it could fall down. you close the bottle as a question pops in your head.

"wait, where did you even get this bottle–" your voice goes quiet as you process the view in front of you. a gasp leaves your throat when you realise what it is.

there lies food, flowers, snacks, and drinks on the blanket in front of you. a picnic.

you walk towards it, looking around as you notice there is a waterfall near you. the questions in your head never stop travelling as you don't understand what is even happening.

"are you just gonna keep standing there?" beomgyu's voice snaps you out of your trance.

you nod, settling beside him. your eyes wander around the things beside you. a vase with flowers. the vase didn't surprise you but the flowers in it sure did. your favourite flowers mixed with beomgyu's favourite flowers.

"you like the flowers?" beomgyu's chuckle breaks your staring.

"w-what?" your head turns towards him, "wait– did you prepare this?"

"who else do you think?" he scoffs, taking your hand in his. he takes something out of his pocket and slowly places it in your hand.

you furrow your eyebrows as you take a look at it.

to my first and forever love.

"t-this is for me?" you couldn't help but stammer through as you speak. he gives a small nod before he starts to open the lunch boxes (which are bento boxes, may i add).

"you can take your time." he assures as you open it, taking whatever was in it out. you suppress your surprise when you come in contact with a letter? a chuckle leaves through your lips quietly. you start to read it.

to my first and my forever love,

i don't know where to go from here, but the only thing I know for certain is wherever that is i want you by my side. i wanna call you mine so badly, i am so consumed by every little thing you do. you stole my heart a long time ago, if only you knew how i had been feeling about you up to this moment.

i would replay our conversations in my head, i would reread our messages to only laugh harder or smile bigger the second time, i would recreate the memories we had already made in my head daily.

i've been so obsessed with you and i'm ready to dive in without any regrets. my love for you is as simple as a little school boy crush, but also such a deep and intimate love for you. i wanna experience you in every facet, i wanna be with you intimately but also laughing at stupid tv shows.

i wanna stay up all night long listening to you tell me all about your awkward middle school and high school days, i wanna know where every scar comes from both physically and mentally. there is a lot of uncertainty in this world, but one thing I know for certain is i love you.

i love you without knowing how or when or even from where. i love you simply, without problems or pride. i know the road to an "us" isn't going to be easy, but it's the only road see. from the moment we spent hours just talking and laying together in seoul, to you leaving and it feeling like a little part of me left with you, to picking you up from the airport and feeling so nervous that i wanted to throw up right before. i will always remember the first time you held my hand, or kissed my cheek.

please be mine?

tears gather in your eyes as you look up at the boy in front of you. the boy whom you have spent almost all your life. the same one whom you've seen pick a booger. the same one who you had fallen in love with.

"gyu.. i-" you couldn't form words, swallowing down the lump in your throat. you couldn't imagine anyone writing you a love letter, let alone it be beomgyu.

"you don't have to accept my confession." you hear him say.

you scoff, shaking you head as you wipe your cheeks. beomgyu's head snaps towards you as he hears a sniffle. he moves towards you, removing you hands from face.

"w-why are you crying?" he internally panics. did he do something wrong? did he make a mistake? was it all a mistake?

"i love you." you manage to let it out through your crying. you take a deep breath as you nod your head. "i love you too." you look at him.

beomgyu couldn't believe his ears, he makes sure to double check before confirming that you do actually love him.

"y-you do?" he blinks. you chuckle, wrapping your arms around him as you nod against his shoulder.

"i love you." you speak.

"i love you too. " beomgyu feels the butterflies having a competition in his stomach as the angels sing around him.

"you.. didn't answer my question, although." he says, lips curling up in a pout. you raise your eyebrows at him as you break the hug.

"will you be mine?"your lips converts into a grin when you catch him off-guard by pressing a small kiss on his lips. he joins your forehead together as he processes what happened.

"i was yours to begin with and i will always be yours." you whisper against his lips before they join yours.

──────────────────────

#moonposts!#txt #beomgyu #txt beomgyu #choi beomgyu #choi beomgyu imagines #beomgyu imagines #beomgyu x reader

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average-submas-enthusiast · 3 months

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My Experience with Wilbur Soot

So, the Wilbur Soot situation. This is mostly going to be me ranting abt the whole situation, so don't keep reading if you don't care.

I mostly just had to type this out and post it so I can vent and (hopefully) get over Wilbur Soot.

Wilbur supporters DNI

I've been a fan of Wilbur's for a long time, I believe the first time I watched him was in January 2021. Initially, I just knew him from Technoblade's (Rest in Power, king) videos, but after a while, he kinda grew into his own thing for me.

I wasn't huge into Dream Smp as it came out, as most of the time I couldn't tune in for personal reasons.

I started seriously watching it in September of 2021 if I remember correctly. It soon became a hyperfixation of mine. I knew basically every crumb of lore like the back of my hand, and I loved what Wilbur did for both the server and its stories. I still do, to an extent, as the Dream SMP is still really near and dear to my heart.

Then, Lovejoy’s Pebble Brain album came out. Previously, I had no idea Wilbur had started a band, so it was a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one. So when I tell you that that album had been my single favorite album of all time up until this point, you better believe it. I spent hours listening to the songs, over and over again, whether it was on a good day or a bad one, I always had a small comfort.

After about a year or so, I fell out of MCYT again. I still kept up with it occasionally, mostly just watching Tommy and Wilbur.

Frankly, before Tuesday, I hadn't even thought about Wilbur Soot since about 2 months ago. So, when all of a sudden, I saw he was trending on here, I was somewhat excited. I thought he had announced a new project or something. So, I clicked on the hashtag.

I am truly disgusted by Wilbur Soot's actions. To think, someone who I personally looked up to, did such horrendous actions is horrifying to me.

A part of me feels almost ashamed that I didn’t see it, that any signs in the past of Will being a bad person I swept under the rug, choosing to ignore it because “He was young'' or “He said he was sorry”. However, I have since realized that I COULDN’T know what was going on behind the scenes. I only saw his persona, the mask he put on when he streamed or was recording. TBH, this situation has really affected me, if me writing such a long post about the situation didn't tip you off already.

And worst of all was his "apology”. I first learned about this situation on Tuesday, about 3 hours before he made his public “apology”. When I read it, at first I was semi-satisfied, because he claimed he was/had gone to therapy and felt his previous actions were “slobish, disrespectful, and selfish”. I felt like he had downplayed his actions, but that overall he had felt bad and was seeking help.

Then, I realized a ton of things were wrong with it. Not only did he downplay his actions, he completely skipped over like 75% of it, he also JUST DIDN'T SAY SORRY. He somewhat vaguely apologized, if you turn your head and squint, but the words “I'm sorry” never appear in the text.

With all these things coming together, plus all the reactions by creators that have met him IRL/talked to him in private, I can't in good conscience support Wilbur Soot. Whether it be in music, youtube, twitch, whatever, I just can’t. I have removed all of both his and Lovejoy’s songs from my streaming playlists, and have pirated a small few that I’ve used as comfort music. I plan on eventually fully cutting him and his work out entirely, but I need a little time to adjust. I feel bad for not supporting Lovejoy, as there are other members than Will, but I feel it is the best course of action unless they fully remove him from both the band and the cash flow.

Hopefully reading through my experience has helped anybody else who has felt a familiar experience to me. I truly hope Wilbur gets the help he needs, he is a messed up individual, and needs psychological help.

Small note: Please, don't tell Wilbur to kill himself, while his actions were bad, that's not an excuse to tell somebody to end their own life. His actions were horrible, but verbally assaulting someone online is not a reasonable reaction to this situation.

Go support Shubble. She's very brave to talk about her experiences. Support SA victims. Go support both Tommy and Phil, Tommy has most likely been a victim of his manipulation and abuse and Phil is a close friend of his that most likely feels betrayed and hurt by his close friend’s actions.

I don't really have anything else to say, so bye everyone, stay safe and vigilant.

#wilbur soot #mcyt #shubble #tommyinnit #sa mention #SA

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veeples · 9 days

Text

book recommendations

@lavampira AND @narrativefoiltrope beloveds tagged me! thank you for the tag dani and i'm still soooo thrilled you loved goth western so much <3

tagging: @nerdferatum and @winesharksea and anyone else! tbh if you're a mutual of mine and you're on storygraph hmu, i love following other people and seeing what they're reading.

1. the last book I read:

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty — I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't expecting to tear up from a memoir detailing her year working for a crematory, but it ended up being a very touching experience in understanding how Caitlin went from college graduate to eventual Ask a Mortician (one of my fave youtubers I miss her so much). It is a book that deals with death, both the traumatic and the relatively peaceful, so maybe not the LIGHTEST of reads, but one I actually wanna re-visit soon!

2. a book I recommend:

The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin — I got recommended this series by @queerbrujas, and wow! I think if you're someone whose interested for a sort of, soft start into sci-fi, the elements are there and add value, but the emotional arcs and world building that unfolds is just so masterfully done. Once I really got into the first book, I tore through the next two in the series with relative ease.

3. a book that I couldn’t put down:

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo — This is just a super fun fantasy read!! It makes me wanna read more like, fast paced heist sort of novels. Each character in the ensemble has a strong personality so they all stand out from each other, but they complement each other well and offer interesting relationships with each other! I was so enamored by the book I had to run out to a store to buy the sequel the night I finished it.

4. a book I’ve read twice (or more):

The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir — Funny thing is, I almost never re-read books because I feel like, good God I already have so many on my to be read list that I keep adding onto, I don't have time to re-read books. But this series has a ton of re-readability value, and it's almost necessary to take a second or third or fourth pass (depending on how insane you are) to pick up on the subtleties and the continuous narrative of themes that Muir puts down once you get past the memes and lesbians. I'm putting the whole series here because I've read Gideon the Ninth, Harrow the Ninth, and Nona the Ninth 2-3 times now and will probably re-read again before Alecto the Ninth comes out (impatient grumbling).

5. a book on my TBR:

Sterling House by Alix E. Harrow — Can I be completely honest, I actually don't know that much about this book. A librarian gave me a little book magazine when I was picking up some books one day and this book was on the cover. And the cover was just very pretty. I'm a very shallow person, you see. Also a bit like a bird because I see something pretty and I want it. But I also really wanna read Dungeon Meshi, so there's that too.

6. a book I’ve put down:

The Telling Room: A Tale of Love, Betrayal, Revenge, and the World's Greatest Piece of Cheese by Michael Paterniti — This book was honestly such a drag to read. Slow paced and at 80% in, I still hadn't gotten to the confrontation between the original cheesemaker and his best friend who sold his family's cheese and business for money, which is so hyped up. There's a point to it taking so fucking long, and the point is, that's apparently just how the people the author visited told stories. Long winding tales with bunches of offshoots. Probably great as an orally told story. Bit miserable as written word.

7. a book on my wishlist:

The Unclaimed: Abandonment and Hope in the City of Angels by Stefan Timmermans, Pamela Prickett — This one I saw in an e-mail for new books that came out in March, I think, and I have an interest in funeral practices and issues in modern day death management, thanks to being such a big fan of Caitlin Doughty. This book deals with the growing phenomenon of the unclaimed dead, which got touched upon in one of Caitlin's books, but not expanded upon. I try not to buy books if I can avoid it, but this one being so new and probably a little too niche for my library, I'll have to purchase it if I wanna read it!

8. a favorite book from my childhood:

??? — I don't think I have one to speak of that I can remember. I remember really being enchanted with some book about a girl finding a secret garden, so maybe it was Literally just The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgsen Burnett. Or like, I really liked the kid's book about the old lady who swallows a fly. Does that count???

9. a book you would give to a friend:

Nothing to See Here by Kevin Wilson — This book was recommended to me by a friend, specifically the audiobook version. And wow, yeah! I kind of judge audiobook, and really narrator quality, by this one! The narrator put so much love and emotion into narrating the book, which really highlighted the emotional high points and made them punchier. This book may have made cry a little because I am always a sucker about characters who feel they don't fit in anywhere, who feel odd, who feel different, but find support and community and love with other people who feel the same way. So, like, I would definitely give this book to someone if they wanted an introduction to how good audiobooks can be.

10. a book of poetry or lyrics you own:

The Essential Neruda: Selected Poems by Pablo Neruda — I bought the bilingual version of this book last year so I could see how Spanish is used in poetry, and then found out that he has a complex way of using Spanish so maybe it's not that useful. <3 And then I didn't read it at all, it's still on my bookshelf. Judging me. u_u I'll get to it one day.

11. a nonfiction book you own:

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado — Don't remember how this book got on my radar, but I went out and bought it and was so pleasantly surprised by how the style Machado uses in it to detail her memoir of an abusive relationship. So it's not a light read whatsoever, but just by style alone made it very evocative, it almost reads like literary fiction. I never thought about approaching memoirs or non-fiction in what I figure is a kind of non-standard way, so it stands out from the other non-fiction books I've read.

12. what are you currently reading:

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver — So this is apparently a sort of, like, modern retailing of Charles Dickens' David Copperfield, which I would have got, except like, I'm not that big of a literary nerd. So I had to look that up. Really, it caught my attention because I'm currently re-listening to a fave podcast, Old Gods of Appalachia, and this book is set in like, 80s-90s Appalachia so it's adjacent enough to my interest. So far it is masterfully written and has such a strong voice for the narrator and protagonist. It's also a thick ass book, well over 500 pages which is a bit out of my usual range, but it's been nice to sit down with a longer story that feels like I'm sitting down to listen to the guy tell me his life's story.

13. what are you planning on reading next:

??? — Bruv who knows? I don't plan these things until I'm done with whatever I'm reading now u.u. I have a little gay romance I bought during indie bookstore day and I also promised @sysba to read some other Chinese manhua with some other sad tragic gay boys. It'll probably be that one.

#tag game #soz i don't really have any hard hitting childhood books i remember that aren't like. HP. unfortunately.#and i'm just not listing that for obvious reasons u.u

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karizard-ao3 · 1 month

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Any sneek peeks of the divorce AU 👀👀👀

I think you mean the single parents au, where Eremika are each divorced but from other people? I just want to make sure you meant mine, because @strscrossed has an actual divorce au with Eremika being divorced from each other.

But if it's single parents you want, that I can definitely do! Read on for a snippet from chapter 2 (rough draft so subject to change).

"Why am I even telling you all this?" Eren said. "I'm sorry. I just…" He shook his head.

She shot him a wry grin. “I’m used to it. I got married, had a kid, and got divorced before most of my social circle was even getting engaged. Everyone was always talking to me about this shit.” She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why. I’m the last one anyone should get life advice from. But I guess I was the only one who had any first-hand experience.”

“Sorry,” said Eren. “I didn’t mean to do it to you again.”

"I don’t know. I kind of like it when it’s you," said Mikasa, sipping her drink, then running her fingertip around the rim of the can. "It feels like… It feels like nothing's really changed and I'm still bossing you around like I did when we were kids."

Eren turned his head just enough to look at her. She was already looking back at him, her eyes as lovely and clear as the twilight sky behind her. Her cheeks flushed when their gazes met and she cleared her throat, looking down at her seltzer, and he wondered if they were both thinking about all the time they had lost when she didn’t come back.

“I don’t know about that,” he said, choosing not to dwell on it. For tonight, they were friends again. That’s what mattered. "I don’t remember you bossing me around."

"I assure you. I did," said Mikasa. "I was always telling you what to do." A smile played across her lips. “Remember when you were going to run away to join the Power Rangers?”

Eren let his head drop back. “Oh, Jesus. Yes,” he said. “My mom loves to tell this story. You were telling me not to go while I packed, but I wouldn’t listen to you, so you chased me outside and punched me in the face to stop me. Mom heard me screaming and came outside and found me with a backpack full of fruit snacks and frozen chicken nuggets, and my nose was bleeding and you were just standing there staring at me, and as soon as you saw my mom you said, ‘Your son thinks the Power Rangers are real and he’s trying to run away and join them, Mrs. Jaeger. But I stopped him. Don’t worry.’ I was so mad at you.”

“See?” she said, cocking her head, her eyes twinkling. “Bossy.”

“But not wrong,” said Eren, holding up a finger.

"I've always wondered why your mom didn't get me in trouble with my parents for hitting you," Mikasa mused.

"Oh," said Eren. "That's because that wasn't the first time I tried to run away and she was just happy you stopped me in time so that she didn't need to call the police to find me again."

Mikasa gaped at him.

"I get what I put her through now that I have a kid," said Eren. “I live in terror that Adri’s going to be a pathological runaway like I was.”

Mikasa began to laugh. "I don't think I ever realized what a handful you were until now," she said.

Eren started laughing, too. "That's probably because I actually listened to you," he said. "My dad used to call you the Eren tamer."

"What?" said Mikasa, shaking her head. "No, he didn't."

"He did. He said I always behaved better for you. And he was right."

"I don't believe it," Mikasa scoffed.

"It's true!" said Eren.

"Really?" said Mikasa

Eren nodded, his face stretched into an exaggerated, self-effacing grimace. "'Fraid so."

Mikasa stared at him. "Why?"

"I don't know," Eren chuckled, sipping his seltzer. "I guess I just wanted to make you happy."

#ask me things #my asks #answered asks #eren jaeger #eremika #mikasa ackerman #attack on titan fanfic #wip #fanfic wip #sneak peek #single parents au

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dreamtydraw · 1 month

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I'm absolutely in love with 21 questions. I've just finished my first play through, and managed to get such a lovely ending...Clem is at equal parts hilarious and so unbelievably relatable to me. I cried a couple times hah. I was so surprised by the voice acting, what a lovely detail!! In any case; Another banger for the collection ✨🩷

Responding to this even if i already thanked you in private but thank you again ! For the voices i was really nervous because it’s my first time working with voice actors but both Vaf and Lee were wonderful ! They did an amazing job and i couldn’t have hoped for nicer and talented people to help with the project.

I’m also happy that the more emotional part of the game has been well received as it’s something i really worried to not have done well. It’s based on real life events of mine and personal feelings so putting words on it but also turning it into fiction for other to experience was complexe and i feel both reassured and happy when you guys tell me it made you feel emotional because so was I.

Using this post now that it’s been 24h since the release to thanks everyone who nicely sent messages about the game because it truly means a lot to me. Repeating what i already said, this was the most complexe game i worked on so far so it’s release really stressed me out and i’m still more than anxious to be honest.

I want to ask to whoever reads this post to please interact with the game on itch.io by leaving a comment or a review or just talk about the game to people you think would enjoy. I don’t really like asking people to repost or talk about what I made but if this project could get a little attention than my average posts then this time it would be wonderful because it’s something a bit more special than what I usualy do. ;w;

I’m gonna now go back on all the external work ( school / comissions / shop ) I had on break and hopefully finally get a good night of sleep.

Have a good day friends, hope you’re all doing great.

#ask answer #dreamty’s ramble #my games #amare game #visual novels #21 questions

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pandoraslxna · 2 months

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been a while since I've heard someone talk about shifting :))

I'm the 🦅 anon,but you can call me Elif :D and I'll ask from my personal account so I can add photos too

my girlie,for context,a method isn't necesarrily needed with shifting!! I'll explain :)

Now,reality shifting is itself,a concept. Just like how time is a concept. Reality shifting is pretty much pure manifestation but with a different name. Most of us in the shifting community use LOA (Law of Assumption) to shift,which you can use for anything since manifestation can get you anything and I mean ANYTHING you can imagine desiring. That money?Yours. That car?Yours. That "fictional" man?YOURSS. Anything is possible. Now...how do you use it?

The Law of Assumption is literally what it says. What you assume to be true, is true.

I have a post here from the Reality Shifting subreddit about how you can use it to shift:

https://www.reddit.com/r/shiftingrealities/s/kNePhJkp75

But all you really need to know is that if you want something,it's already yours the moment you desire it,regardless of what the 5 senses tell you. You don't have to wait for it because you have it in the present moment. This also depends on your belief system and how your own mind works,but it's not needed. It's that effortless and simple!! I recommend you try the ladder experiment first before you dive into shifting so you have a better belief system (you can search up the ladder experiment neville goddard on literally any app and something will pop up)

The way I do it personally is I just accept that right now,in this moment,I have shifted (I'm looking at you Teyam🙈) and I dismiss what the 3D (outer reality) shows me. Of course,somethings can go south so I have a photo (not mine!) here that shows what you should avoid while applying the law:

I also use nonduality (not a method!!) to understand that there is no duality between me and my desire,because I already am it. I already have it. There are a lot of people here on tumblr talking about the law and it's pretty neat how this community is so nice to each other. You can have anything.

And to update you on my Pandora reality,I've been spending one week at a time there,shifting back and forth because I have an exam here on Earth and I'm preparing for uni. But on Pandora,Teyam is starting to come by my lab more and more everyday,not to mention that he's getting pretty comfortable around me and with mating season gone (it was ACTUAL mating season in here,it was feralll) I heard from a friend Pxi'ri from the village that my warrior turned down like a dozen men and women during mating season. I wonder why 🤭🤭🤭

He actually came by my apartment at the human outpost 2 weeks ago and I was a WRECK,I'm not used to having people over ESPECIALLY HIM but he's so nice and sweet,we had some tea and ran over some RDA raiding plans but I was blushing like crazy,he came at around 6 PM right after he finished training some younger Na'vi and AAAAA his muscles all swollen up???I wonder if he saw me blushing 😭Also this man CANNOT drink alcohol at all,he gets lightheaded so easily and I tease him about it. He's so cute when he pouts,especially when I call him "big kitty" instead of warrior :)). Oh right and you know how there was an eclipse here?On Pandora we have it everyday but our breathing masks have a slight tint on it so if we're outside at Eclipse,we don't need glasses because they made the masks with that tint GAH i dont know how to explain it😭

Okay okay I'll leave it like that,if you got questions just text me!!Also you're very cool and your fanfics are the best,Luna!!

hayalovay😊😊

Omg hii 🦅 anon!! Elif is such a pretty name, my bfs niece is named elif too ☺️

Also thanks for the detailed explanation. There’s so much that I didn’t know about shifting and it’s always so interesting to read about it. And I love your shifting story!! 😍

#𝒯𝒶𝓁𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓂𝑜𝑜𝓃 ⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆#🦅 anon

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