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#I live in a house (college residence) and we do social events and stuff together to build unity through the trauma of academic pressure

thefanficmonster · 3 years

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Corpse Infested

Corpse Husband & Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Mentions of dysfunctional family, Family problems, Swearing

Genre: Humor, Comfort, Platonic fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When your friend disappears for a long time, seemingly having lost interest in what fueled the most passionate fire in their life, you cannot not worry about them. Even if you wanna give them space, you will reach out, you will offer your help. You will tell them they always have you to rely on and talk to.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! I’m really sorry it’s taken me so long to complete and post your request, but here it finally is! Hope you come across it and if you do I hope you enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

For me, it’s never hard to find things to do. I’ve constantly got things on my mind and tasks to tend to, keeping me occupied and my mind focused at all times. I think that comes with living in a home as dysfunctional as this one. I honestly can’t recall a time when my parents got along nor can I think of a time where there was at least one second of peace while the two are both present in the house. It’s always a warzone up there. I’m saying up there because I tend to live out of the basement of their home. I know living in your parents’ basement is considered a peak loser point, or the bottom of the bottom, but you’d have to believe me when I say - I wasn’t always like this. In fact, I only recently came back to this hell-hole and boy do I regret it. I mean, it was a decision forced upon me by circumstances. Trust me, I tried every other option there was. When my dorm was to be closed down and demolished, we were given a notice to start planning our next move about a month early. You can bet I immediately started looking at places but my very tragic and miserable budget didn’t allow such a purchase. No rent was adequate for me and my near-empty wallet so my second option was moving in with my best friend who was also not in the greatest of situations but I thought I’d give that a shot too.

Spoiler alert: it didn’t work out. She lived in a tiny apartment with her boyfriend and his best friend at the time, so four people in one apartment was a nightmare. Still a lesser nightmare than this one but a nightmare nonetheless. Some unwanted and downright traumatizing events chased me out of that place after barely managing to pack my stuff. Therefore, finding myself on the streets again, I had no other option other than the obvious and least liked one: moving back in with my parents.

Making money during my first year of college hasn’t been easy. Working two jobs at once and also streaming video games on the side was what my time was filled with all throughout the first semester but then this damn pandemic started and now ruined everything for me. I had things going for me, I was slowly getting my life together and now it has all fallen apart yet again. The places I worked at closed down due to quarantine and I haven’t been able to steam, not only cause I’d be the victim of my parents’ comments but also cause my terrible home life would be exposed to all my fans and viewers. It’s not like I could cancel out the commotion going on right above my head, it’s a livestream and this house’s walls are cardboard thin meaning all the arguing I hear almost 24/7 will serve as background noise for my streams.

I haven’t reached out to my friends or fans to inform them of this which I feel slightly guilty about but I’m really not looking forward to having to lie to them, just as much as I’m not looking forward to having to tell them the truth so instead I’ve picked silence which is probably either worrying them or driving them insane. Either way, I’ll make my comeback soon.

Well....not very soon by the looks of it...

I have to gather the money, then I have to find a place, then comes the packing, moving out of here, moving into the new place...oh God, there’s so much to it that I don’t even wanna think about. Just that thought that I’ll be inactive for that long makes my stomach turn. Streaming’s where I’ve been channeling all my negative emotions, turning them into something positive and entertaining with the help of my friends.

Speaking of my friends, I should probably put emphasis on how amazing they are. Basically the older siblings I’ve always wished I had. I’m the baby of the group, the eighteen year old freshman in college, powering through life the best they can cause they are constantly getting tripped up by inconvenient occurrences such as this one for example. I tend to have the gang poke fun at me quite frequently - all lighthearted and with good intentions obviously - but they are also the ones to get super defensive if anyone gets the balls to talk shit about me. They’d never allow me to be the victim of any smack talk or online rumors and ‘cancel culture’ or whatever the hell people will come up with to leave others restless and wondering if they did something shady a decade ago. Well, to be fair, I didn’t even know about the concept of social media a decade ago and I’ve never been one to post much but I still have a protection squad in case anyone decides to come after me.

Little do they know the people I need protecting from are the very people that are supposed to protect me - my parents. Luckily, they don’t venture into to basement very often if at all and I have my own exit to the outside world so I don’t have to run into them unless I absolutely have to. The only time I emerge to the surface of the house - aka the ground floor - I do so to leave my share of rent money on the dining table and I usually do it when they aren’t home or when they’re asleep - that happens often with how many bottles they each knock back on the daily.

*sigh*...at least I don’t have to talk to them, right?

Anyhow, remember how I mentioned I always have things to do? Well, right now I’ve tasked myself with rifling through the large boxes containing random stuff I found in one of the basements down here to see if there’s anything I could possibly sell online. For starters, I’d like to hope there aren’t any severed body parts in here because this was one shady-ass basement before I moved in and un-creeped it a bit so I wouldn’t have to become an insomniac due to the paranoia of there being a homeless person down here with me or some paranormal entity. Regardless, old basements tend to be, apart from haunted, also filled with junk no one would find valuable despite it actually being worth something after all. That’s basically what I’m hoping to find at the moment.

As I dig through the contents of the first box, the YouTube playlist I have put on on my phone cuts off causing me to furrow my brows in confusion for a second before my ringtone pierces the silence the lack of music created.

I quickly mute the ringing and take a look at the Caller ID to see a name I never thought would pop up on my screen as an incoming call - Corpse. I, as well as many of our friends, know that he’s not the biggest fan of talking to people on the phone so this is rather surprising. Still, I pick up the call in case it’s not a mistake and an odd chance that it’s somethin urgent cause Lord knows Corpse doesn’t call people willy-nilly.

Thank God it’s quiet up there at the moment.

“Hello?“ I try my best to cover up the confusion in my voice but I can only assume I didn’t do the best job considering Corpse replies with a slightly awkward chuckle.

“Surprised you, didn’t I?“ He asks, getting my cheeks to redden a bit, “You can’t blame a guy for calling after up and disappearing on him and on the whole internet. Where’ve you been?“

I open my mouth to respond when I hear the sound of glass breaking a shouted curse from upstairs.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

“Um...you know, places?“ I’m aware the answer isn’t only nonsensical but also sounds more like a question, but I can hardly focus on that right now. I’m too buys praying to an entity I don’t fully believe in for the situation above to not escalate.

“Uh, is everything ok over there? Where even are you right now?“ The teasing tone to his voice is all but gone at this point, replaced with deep concern, having obviously heard the commotion that did the exact opposite of what I prayed for - escalated.

“Y-yeah, it’s ok. It’s just another Thursday, you know.“ I attempt a small laugh but it’s blatantly miserable, “I moved back in with my parents when they announced the quarantine so that’s where I’m at now. They’re not the quietest of folks as you can tell so...“

“I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! I HOPE YOU DIE“

Oh crap, here we go.

“...So I can’t really stream a lot...or at all.“ I mutter, cringing with all my might, “But it’s only temporary! I’ll get back in the saddle as soon as I find another place to stay.“ I don’t dare mention how long that’s gonna take me, it’ll be too disappointing and depressing for the both of us. “So yeah...um...thanks for showing concern but there’s really nothing to worry about. I’m ok, everything’s ok, things are just...a bit off the rails, but I’ll fix em no problem. Like I always do!“ I attempt to sound as cheerful as possible with little success due to the overwhelming anger I feel towards those people upstairs and the gut-wrenching nostalgia for the world of streaming I can no longer be a part of because of them. Actually, I put the blame first on the pandemic and second on my parents - if it wasn’t for Covid I’d probably still be in my dorm!

“Hey...um, I think I know an affordable place where you can take up residence. Only if you want to, of course.“ He sounds hesitant but I easily overlook that as excitement bursts throughout my entire being at the sound if an escape being offered to me just like that. Had I known I’d find the solution to my problem in the very people I spent time avoiding because I was afraid of their pity, sympathy and judgement.

“Oh please, it could be a rat and roach infested shoe box and I’d go running to it. How much is rent?“ I ask through a gasp of hurried laughter that’s a result of my inability to contain said excitement. Listen, I’ve been sitting here in Hellsburg for three months now and haven’t gotten a proper shuteye during that whole period, whatever Corpse is offering has to be better than this misery.

“Rent can be discussed once you move in...“ He trails off, “And it’s not rat nor roach infested but there’s a slight issue...“

“Which is?“ I’m honestly expecting the worst: in a bad neighborhood; faulty wiring with a high chance of being electrocuted; faulty piping with a high chance of flooding; people have died there; things get randomly moved around in the middle of the night etc. However, I don’t voice any of them to avoid getting laughed at for my wild imagination.

“Well, uh, it’s corpse infested.“ He says a little awkwardly, causing me to let out an inaudible sigh.

So my ‘people have died there’ guess was on point, huh?

“People have died there, huh? Well, I can turn a blind eye to that as long as I don’t find their bodies in the closet or meet their spirits at 3AM.“ I attempt to joke, now second-guessing my eagerness to accept the offer.

Corpse bursts out laughing his ass off at my statement, getting me to furrow my eyebrows in confusion and wonder what I said was so funny - it was a poor attempt at a joke, it in no way deserves that sort of reaction, barely a chuckle in my opinion.

“You’re golden, Y/N, I swear.“ He says once he forces the laughter to subside, “I meant corpse infested as in Corpse Husband infested.“ He breaks out in another fit as my brain slowly starts connecting the dots.

Oooohh he’s asking me to go live with him

“Wait. Wait, wait, wait, hold up for a sec. Are you aware of what you’re offering me? I mean, we’ve never met IRL, you barely know me and....and for all you know I could be the serial killer in this situation!“ I have no idea why I’m pushing my luck, don’t ask. I just don’t want him to make a decision he’ll later regret, I guess. “Like, I could kill you in your sleep!“

“Would you?“ He asks confidently, silently stating he already knows the answer.

I roll my eyes, “Of course not! But...” He cuts me off.

“Great, the offer stands on my end. I’m not a noisy nor nosey roommate so I suggest you start packing. If you choose to live in that hell-hole over living with me, I’m sorry but I’ll be hella offended, just so you know.“

Corpse sounds like he’s about to hang up on me, a decision already made, so I hurry to stop him. “Wait! What about rent?”

“Fuck the rent, pack your bags.“ And just like that, despite my efforts, he hangs up on me.

Well...this is a chance of a lifetime that I know refusing would lead me to not only remain stuck here but also put me in the hugest loser bin. There’s also the fear of being Corpse’s burden which I’ll try my best not to be - I mean, I’m a super independent person and Lord knows that if this offer came any other time or from any other person, I would’ve declined asap, no discussion.

But streaming

But sleeping properly

But having a normal life again

Yeah those are most certainly the reasons I get up and go into the closet in search on my emptied suitcase. Time to fill it up again, I guess. This time with a smile on my face and excitement fueling each and every movement of mine.

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macgyvermedical · 5 years

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This Year and Beyond- My Year in AmeriCorps NCCC

I will get things done for America.

To make our people safer, smarter, and healthier.

I will bring Americans together to strengthen communities.

Faced with apathy, I will take action.

Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground.

Faced with adversity, I will persevere.

I will carry this commitment with me, this year and beyond.

I am an AmeriCorps Member, and I will GET THINGS DONE!

-The AmeriCorps Pledge

My name is Ross.

I’m a 25 year old Registered Nurse, EMT-B, and Wilderness and Remote First Aid Instructor from northeast Ohio. On January 9th, 2018, approximately 316 days ago, I left my family, my apartment, my job, and very close to all my personal belongings to fly 602 miles to a small town I’d never heard of, with people I’d never met, to do work I didn’t choose, manage people who didn’t like to be managed, learn and grow more than I ever thought possible, make friends I’ll never forget, and become the person I’d always seen myself becoming.

I want to underline the hubris with which I embarked on this journey.

I graduated nursing school less than 2 years prior to entering the program. While there and in my first year as a nurse, I transitioned from female to male, was an RA for 2 years, survived a 3-year abusive relationship and 4 horror-story level roommates, and struggled with picking, hair pulling, compulsive lying, and generalized anxiety.

I thought, nothing could be more difficult than what I’d just gone through. This was going to be a break. I’d go, develop my leadership skill, meet some cool people, serve my country, and come back ready to tackle whatever came next.

Heh. Heheh... it didn’t exactly go like that.

First, some background. If you’ve never been in the AmeriCorps NCCC world before, it’s a pretty foreign place. You hear about military life a lot as part of popular culture, and Peace Corps is at least a household name. But I’d be willing to bet that unless you know someone who’s served, you probably don’t know much about (or possibly haven’t even heard of) the National Civilian Community Corps...

(Note- this is a really long post, something like 5,000 words. But its also pretty cool if you’ve got the time, or are interested in AmeriCorps NCCC. Also, there’s definitely some triggery stuff in here, so you may want to skip it if mental health, suicide mention, and anything along those lines doesn’t sit well with you.)

To avoid some confusion, AmeriCorps and NCCC are not synonymous- AmeriCorps is a larger organization that oversees several different civilian national service programs, including Volunteers in Service to America (VISTA), State and National (which is itself many, many programs), and the National Civilian Community Corps (NCCC, pronounced N-Triple-C).

NCCC is the program I was in. I don’t have proof of this, but having lived it, NCCC is likely one of the most intense domestic national service experiences one can have. It’s often billed as a “team based, residential national service program for young people aged 18-24.” And it is, but that doesn’t really capture the intensity of the experience.

For one thing, when they say the service is “team based” they mean it- Not only do Members work 40+-hour weeks together, but they truly act as a team- you live (sometimes all in the same room) with the team, train with them, eat with them, work out with them, have mandatory meetings, reflections, and team building activities, participate in 1:1 meetings, grocery and other shopping trips, and share one 15-passenger van for all transportation needs.

You live in a residence hall while on campus, but while away on project (called “SPIKE”), housing could be anything- cots in an office building or church basement, a cabin at a summer camp, the classroom floor of a Boys and Girls Club or YMCA, a school gym, a local college residence hall, the semi-completed portion of a house you’re actively building, or basically anywhere vaguely flat and dry enough to put a mat and sleeping bag.

Personal belongings- or, more accurately, space for personal belongings, is also at a premium. For SPIKE, you get a “red bag” with enough space for uniforms, underwear, a couple of sets of personal clothing, toiletries, and your personal protective equipment. You also get your sleeping bag/bedding bag (a space life saver, you can stuff any small belongings that didn’t make it into your red bag in here), and a personal backpack. You’re given a military style duffle (your “green bag”) to store out of season clothing, bedding, and other personal belongings on campus while you’re away. But that’s it. You learn to say no to free stuff pretty quickly.

There’s also TONS of rules, most of which are related to safety or reputation. We like to say “Someone did something stupid 5 years ago, and now we have to wear hard hats while gardening.” It’s funny, but its so close to true, it hurts. In context, it makes sense- NCCC is a government organization, and when you join, the government assumes total responsibility for your wellbeing. They pay for your food, your medical care, your housing, and your transportation.

In return, you do anything that might pose a risk to any of the above on their terms- even if you would never wear safety goggles while painting or make a passenger get out and ground guide you into a parking space at home, you do here, because they’d have to pay for it if you got paint in your eye or ran into a pole, and they reeeeeally don’t want to. NCCC, being a government-funded service organization, also can’t afford to do anything that could jeopardize their funding situation or reputation- so if you’re wearing “the A” (uniform items that have the AmeriCorps logo on them), swearing, drinking, jaywalking, and really any other unwholesome activities are expressly forbidden.

On the more logistical end of things, the 10-11 month “service year” is split into training (a month of team leader training (TLT) and a month of combined corps member and team leader training (Corps Training Institute, or CTI)), and 4 distinct, 6-8 week “Rounds” of (1-2) projects with week-long prep/training segments in between. There’s a week-long midyear break and a long weekend at some other point where you can go home or chill on personal expense, and 3 personal days that can be taken throughout. Otherwise, you’re either on SPIKE working, or at campus training.

Projects can be a lot of different things. Most common projects at my campus were working with environmental groups removing invasive species and building/maintaining trails, working with neighborhood revitalization organizations and police departments improving the look and condition of neighborhood buildings and empty lots, providing supplemental staff at non-profit summer camps, Boys and Girls Clubs, and YMCAs, and building houses for low-income families. Other projects might include tutoring children, general maintenance at non-profit or government facilities, building or maintaining parks or schools, entering data, conducting surveys, mucking and gutting disaster-affected homes, staffing shelters, creating lesson plans, piloting community events, and other tasks organizations need completed, but don’t have the reliable manpower to do themselves.

Before each project, you research the area and work and present a “briefing” to your unit leader, assistant program director, and unit support team leader (team leaders who live and work on campus supporting staff and teams in the field, and who act as a reservoir if field team leaders drop or need to go on extended medical or other leave). When you return from a project, you prepare and present a “debrief” and “portfolio” documenting your work and its impact. The briefings and debriefs take about a half hour each, and portfolios are 12-25 page papers on your project work, which will be used to justify the continued presence of the NCCC.

But just the work is not enough- each corps member has one or more “rep roles” or jobs that support the campus or team. “Official” rep roles include the Project Outreach Liaison (present to and try to get organizations to apply for NCCC teams), Recruiter (present to and try to get people to apply to be members and team leaders), Service Learning Initiator (responsible for facilitating team reflections and secure learning opportunities for the team), Media Rep (coordinates media coverage, writes press releases and articles about projects, creates social media posts), and Yearbook Rep (who creates a yearbook page and/or team video for each Round). “Team” Roles include Assistant Team Leader, PT Coordinator (organizes workout times, places, and activities), Food Point of Contact (creates shopping list, manages food inventory and budget), Cleaning Point of Contact (makes sure housing is ready for weekly inspection), and Team Builder (puts together activities and outings for recreation and team building/bonding).

The program is set up to be an immersive and intense experience. Teams of between 6 and 14 members travel throughout one of 4 assigned regions (Southern, North Central, Southwest, and Pacific) for SPIKE projects. They are led by a team leader, who mentors members, coordinates work assignments and tasks at the job site, does paperwork, responds to emergencies, and pretty much just makes sure all required things get done. Teams are organized into units, which have between 8 and 12 teams. Team leaders report to unit leaders, who remain on campus for the majority of the year.

Okay, so that was maybe a lot of background. But I think it is important to provide that information- unless you read the blogs or know someone, there’s not a ton of depth officially available as to what to expect.

But here’s my reflection on the year-

It started in Team Leader Training. I remember arriving with a lot of expectations. I’d come for the purpose of honing my leadership skills, getting some experience in disaster work (NCCC teams can be pulled off projects to respond to declared emergencies), and taking some time away from being a nurse before I settled down into my forever life. I’d read all the blogs and news articles, corresponded with a unit leader, and talked to people online. I felt I knew everything there was to know about NCCC despite never having met someone in it. I felt so ready.

Team Leader Training was amazing. It was everything I could have ever wanted. I was learning how to do a job I’d fantasized about since I was 17- how to manage members, work with site supervisors and sponsors, coordinate team roles, do necessary paperwork, mediate conflict, drive a 15p van, foster team bonding, balance a budget, etc… It was some of the coolest training I’d ever done. We got up at 5:30 for PT, trained until 5PM, and did homework and hung out in the evenings. By the third and fourth weeks, especially during our training “mini-SPIKE,” tensions among the TLs rose somewhat, but looking back, it wasn’t anything horrible. We were all pretty competent and like-minded people, doing something we loved and creating a network of support that would carry us through the year. I’d never been more comfortable with a group of people in my life. We didn’t get a ton of time off, but it was interesting enough and important enough that we didn’t care.

Then, February 13th, everything changed. Suddenly, where there had been 32 TLs learning to interact with each other, now there were 31 TLs (one went home) and 190 Corps Members. The place was swarming, and each TL was in charge of 8 or 9 CMs they had to mold into something they barely understood themselves. I remember totally flopping on my first meeting with my CMs. I already felt like I was drowning.

We now got up at 5:15 for PT, had “Muster” (morning meeting) at 6:45, trained and conducted trainings/meetings until 5, had team dinners, team meetings, and then were up until 9 or 10 at night submitting daily behavior logs for each member, preparing other paperwork, and preparing for the next day. It was utter and complete chaos. If yours was the team on duty that night, you probably didn’t get to sleep until 1 or 2 in the morning.

Then, suddenly, it was March 9th- departure day. My team, Cedar 2, drove a mere 2 hours to Wapello, IA, but it might as well have been to a foreign country. My campus-based support of other team leaders and staff was suddenly pulled out from under me. My Unit Leader was available by phone, but I struggled hard to find the time to talk to her. The team took the transition to SPIKE life hard, pushing back on the norms and expectations- PT, food shopping, team dinners, team meetings, etc…- as much as possible, making sure I knew how stupid every decision I made and action I took was. I kept it up the best I could, but I quickly became tired and depressed. Every day was a struggle to get people to follow rules, to get them to come to dinner and do their work. They complained, loudly, about everything, said extremely mean things to my face and behind my back.

I remember after a long day of of some pretty scathing 1:1s, sitting in the middle of a field away from my team and sobbing to my mom on the phone and begging her to give me some reason to stay in the program. I was sick with a stomach bug for over a week, and my CMs called me a hypocrite and a lier for taking a few hours out of the day to go to an urgent care. I felt for sure I wouldn’t be able to make it through the year. I began thinking of hurting myself. I contacted an old counselor to see if she did phone sessions. She didn’t, and I didn’t know where else to turn. I thought, hey, If I got caught, maybe I would get kicked out. The idea seemed almost nice.

We started the year with a “split round” project, meaning we spent 3 weeks in Wapello, IA doing trail work, and then 4 weeks in West Branch, MI doing construction at a summer camp. In between, Cedar 2 spent 3 days back on campus, which helped reset the team. We had many meetings with our unit leader, remade our team charter, and came up with a lot of plans to improve our dynamic. I felt like maybe things were looking up, that maybe Wapello would just be that dark time we would look back on and then never speak of again.

When we got to West Branch, things were better, but not good by any stretch. The team had lost a member and had turned somewhat on each other, forming 2 cliques. There was bullying against one of the members that I noticed and felt horrible about, but also powerless to stop. I went almost 2 weeks without more than an hour or two of sleep a night during this project, and my only contact with the outside world was a landline telephone in the (public) camp office and 1 bar of service if I walked to the edge of the parking lot. We had WiFi the first few days, but only rarely after that. We got snowed in for weeks. I got cussed out and screamed at by a CM when I asked him to put on safety glasses while operating a tile saw (I did successfully maintain calm and talk him down, which was a particularly shining moment during this time). I had problems with CMs not doing work that I didn’t know how to address without it becoming a much bigger problem.

I was still kind of a wreck, but I had figured out at least one thing I wanted to do- recruiting for nurses in the US Public Health Service was starting in May, and I couldn’t wait to start that process. By the time I graduated from NCCC in November, I could have a position with them.

It was an interesting project though, and due to our reset, we now did everything exactly by the rules. 3 PTs a week, 3 official team dinners with someone cooking 5 days a week, everyone wore their PPE or suffered the consequences, participated(ish) in team meetings, turned in their weekly reports, and we left with glowing reviews from the sponsor and site supervisor. Attitudes were still objectively bad, they might have hated it, they might have grumbled, but it was an expectation now, and they did it without being overly hellish towards me.

During this project, we also gained a new member who was very competent, polite, but who I couldn’t really read. He’d come from a sister program of NCCC called FEMA Corps (similar in structure to NCCC, but the only projects they do are through the Federal Emergency Management Agency) after failing a background check. I was a little concerned about his integrating into the team, but he seemed okay, and would talk to me at the job site when I talked to him, and actively tried to boost team morale, which was more than anyone else did and something I greatly appreciated.

We went back to Vinton for “1st transition” (the week of training between first and second rounds), presented our debriefs and portfolios, and prepared our briefing. It was the first time I’d seen “Team Green” (the NCCC name for the team leaders collectively in reference to our uniform shirts being green instead of the grey CM shirts) since the end of CTI. Some TLs had had a blast on their first rounds, while others, like me, looked positively gaunt. You could absolutely tell who’d been through hell their first round, and who, like me, hadn’t been able to communicate that until now. We swapped horror stories while training for our next projects, and I finally felt some hope for making it through the year.

The USPHS had unfortunately decided not to open recruiting for nurses after all, but I’d come up with another plan for LAA (Life After AmeriCorps)- I was going to graduate school instead. I had a plan to start applying early in our next round.

Our next SPIKE was a 7-week project in Yankton, SD doing a particularly extensive number of projects. We worked at a Boys and Girls Club, cleaned and packaged artifacts at a museum for a move to a new facility, painted a residence hall and did interior demolition on some bathrooms at a local college, and taught archery classes to children. I felt like a soccer mom, shuttling my CMs from project to project, and trying to spend at least a couple of hours at each site each day. I still dreaded 1:1 days and had to deal with some members’ poor life choices now that they were in a town, but the sun was out, the days were warmer, and due to the nature of the project, everyone was getting quality time away from each other. Thank heavens.

Despite this, I was personally still having some issues. I spent a lot of time hiding from my team after work. It was the only way I could see myself getting through the 7 weeks until midyear. I went for long walks and admired the architecture, hid with my computer watching TV, and leading DnD type medical adventures on Discord. Cedar 2 totally avoided our problems and it was exactly what needed to happen to get us through the round. Nothing got resolved, but people did what they were supposed to do, got great work experience, and no one got (seriously) hurt.

And I got accepted into a program at Kent State for Environmental Health Science! Woot!

And something else was on the horizon. We would return to campus for half of a transition, then enjoy midyear break, then return to… A brand new team! Staff had told us at the beginning of the year that there would be a midyear team switch, but hadn’t told us exactly what that would look like. But finally it had been confirmed. Everyone’s team would be shuffled, and new teams created, with no TL getting any of their former members on their new teams. I was extremely hopeful the next team would be better than the last, and I’d get to use what I’d learned from the first 6 months I’d endured.

The Cedar unit was also disbanding, and Cedar 2 would be absorbed into the Oak unit. When I returned, I would become the TL for the brand new Oak 11.

And holy crap, Oak 11 was awesome. Unique people who said good morning and cleaned up their mess, sat and talked after dinner, wanted to cook for the team (and were great cooks), planned great outings, participated in team meetings and team builders, and were pretty consistent about their work ethic and dedication to the team. Everything wasn’t perfect, but it was so much better than it had been on Cedar 2, and I was thrilled- it wasn’t all me that had screwed it up after all. I’d gotten a team who just brought out the worst in itself.

But I found, to my dismay, that even though the team was great and our project (Erie, PA doing neighborhood revitalization work) and housing and location were all awesome, I was still having problems. Thoughts of self harm were coming back and I was even sliding somewhat into suicidal thinking with graphic intrusive thoughts. I knew the team was working hard and doing what needed done, but I constantly mistrusted them. I would misinterpret situations and respond inappropriately to them, which significantly hindered my ability to lead the team. I leaned heavily on exact execution of the many, many rules of NCCC, but had no energy to enforce them and therefore just felt terrible about my abilities as a leader. I felt I was useless and not at all what the team or anyone deserved to have to deal with. My new unit leader was great, but he wasn’t the touchy feely type and I didn’t think I could get much support from him.

I tried again to contact my counselor, and she agreed to start seeing me over the phone. It was nice to have someone to talk to, even if that meant I had to pace in a public park while talking about very personal things in order to have some privacy from my new CMs, but it also didn’t help a lot. I would hash out the same situations over and over, and my counselor would point out my reactions were exaggerated, and I was convinced she just didn’t understand how intense the program was. After a few sessions, we talked about me quitting the program to get some more intensive help, and about me going on medication. And, if I was going to stay in the program, I had to start checking in with a friend every day, and my mom three times a week.

At this point, I wanted to stay in the program more than anything, and I didn’t want to feel like I was giving up. I had been very against medication from the first time I’d started seeing a counselor 6 years prior, but I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to make it through the last 3 months in the program if nothing changed, and I’d rather do something of my own volition than end up hurt or fired. I ended up taking 2 personal days- the first 2 I’d taken all year- to travel home to Cleveland and see a doctor about the mental health issues and a chance of getting a hysterectomy when I got home in November.

I ended up going on medication. The transition onto it was a little rough, but fortunately I was going into fall break (a long weekend) and then a transition week, and by the time we were on project again (Willow River, MN, doing maintenance at an environmental education center), I felt a lot better. Suddenly, I was functional again. I could lead a team and do what needed done. I still had some issues, but for the first time I was completely confident I would make it to graduation. My CMs noticed the change. I’d decided not to tell them about the mental health stuff in anything but extremely vague terms, or about going on medication, but it made me happy to hear other people noticed how much better I felt, and how much more I could do now that I could trust my perceptions of situations and didn’t feel like crap all the time.

The team went through a couple of hard weeks in the latter half of the project- including one day when every single person on the team asked to take a mental health day on the same day (mental health days are expressly not allowed in the Corps, but you can get around this with creative paperwork). Instead of doing PT that morning, we sat in the living room and talked out some things. It didn’t resolve much, but it did help people feel that they weren’t the only ones having problems. Only one person ended up staying back from work that day, and I looked at it as proof I was getting better- I had looked at a situation and instead of following the rules to the letter, I had bent them in a way that was absolutely helpful to the team.

The project felt like it was at once the fastest and the slowest project we’d done. We drove back to campus with a feeling of finality. This was it. We weren’t prepping for another project. Once we finished these last two weeks, we were going home for real.

A lot of my CMs struggled with that concept. Some had homes to go to, some had homes they wanted to get out of as fast as possible, some were successfully setting up jobs, some were planning to wing it when they got off the plane. Overall, going home would be a change for everyone in the Corps- people who were now very used to the schedule and the rules associated with NCCC life.

The day after I returned to campus I finalized my LAA plans too- my insurance had gone through and I would be having a hysterectomy in December! Woot!

Then it was just the long haul. Closure felt like CTI again except waaaaaay more relaxed. We did a couple of trainings or teambuilding things a day, but usually just hung out or did end of round paperwork and caught up with everyone we hadn’t seen all round.

We had an awards ceremony and a nice graduation that was streamed to Facebook so family living hundreds of miles away could watch. Less than an hour later, we drove our teams to the airport. Oak 11 stopped by a fast food place on the way and had one last team meal together before parting.

When we returned, the campus was empty. As 25 TLs, we scrubbed and returned our vans, and then each got assigned a staff member who put us to work preparing things for the next class.

The night before the TLs left, the night I’m writing this, we went out to the one mexican restaurant in Vinton and hung out for the last time. Some people went out to the bar after, but I hung back and wandered the halls of campus for the last time.

I walked past the gym where Rob Levis led PT at 5:45 on freezing January mornings. I washed my hands in the sink where Silvia shaved my head a few days into TLT. I wandered the classrooms where I’d trained and the kitchens where I’d cooked (and where the vent exploded that one time). I looked at all the rooms I’d stayed in on campus, sat on the couch where I’d stayed up way too late processing my first set of end of round paperwork after Wapello. I stuck my head in the room where I’d done team building for the first time with both of my teams (I didn’t stay long, there was a FEMA Corps team having a meeting). I walked the tunnels, the lounges, said goodbye.

Tomorrow morning at 9am, I will load my green bag and 2 backpacks into a 15 passenger van and ride to the airport. At noon, I will begin the journey back to Ohio.

The year has been so incredibly growth-inducing for me that I don’t know how I ever could have gotten to this point in who I am without it. Like thousands before me, I owe so much to the NCCC.

Even though it sounds corny, I will carry this experience with me, this year and beyond. I am an AmeriCorps Member, and man, did I get things done.

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#AmeriCorps #NCCC #personal #reflection #tw: suicide mention #tw: self harm mention #tw: mental health

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newstfionline · 5 years

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I Took ‘Adulting Classes’ for Millennials

Andrew Zaleski, CityLab, Oct 29, 2018

On the eve of my wife’s 30th birthday--a milestone I, too, will soon hit--she posed a troubling question: Are we adults yet?

We certainly feel that way: We hold our own jobs, pay our own rent, cover our own bills, drive our own cars. Our credit is in order. But we don’t yet own a house and have no children--two markers commonly associated with fully-fledged adulthood (and two markers that both our sets of parents had reached well before they turned 30). And there are other gaps in our maturity: I don’t buy napkins or know how to golf; up until last year, I didn’t know how to change the oil in my car’s engine. Thankfully, last year we managed to throw a dinner party, our first, without burning the pork roast.

A vague anxiety over these known-unknowns is something of a generational hallmark. A Monday-morning scroll through the social media feed of the average 20-something might turn up a handful of friends sharing memes of dogs--looking bewildered, exasperated, or both--unironically captioned with something like: “Don’t make me adult today.”

Yes, Millennials have killed yet another thing. In this case, it’s something so fundamental that it may have seemed unkillable, but apparently isn’t: knowing how to be an adult.

Younger people need not look far on the internet to find popular condemnation from card-carrying grown-ups about our many shortcomings. We are, we are often told, simpering, self-indulgent, immune-to-difficulty know-nothings, overgrown toddlers who commute on children’s toys and demand cucumber water in our workplaces. But in our own social circles, such constructive criticism can be harder to find. Young urbanites tend to pack themselves into specific neighborhoods, cities, and living situations that have relatively fewer older residents. In such communities, knowledge on how to Seamless a meal to the doorstep is a dime a dozen, but first-hand experience in snaking a drain, cooking a meal for four, or operating a manual transmission comes at more of a premium. (To say nothing of the fact that a third of Americans between 18 and 34 are living with their parents.)

Luckily, the rough road to adulthood can be paved with adulting classes. The Adulting Collective, a startup venture out of Portland, Maine, made a big splash about two years ago after national news outlets reported on its in-person events. In its short lifespan, the Collective has offered up lessons, either guided or via online video, in such varied life skills as bike safety, holiday gift-giving for the cash-strapped, putting together a monthly budget, opening a bottle of wine without a corkscrew, and assembling a weekly nutritional plan. Their target audience: “emerging adults,” the massive 93-million-strong demographic group composed of people in their 20s and early 30s.

There are similarly structured programs across the country. At the Brooklyn Brainery, for example, you can take classes on how to run a good meeting or what Seinfeld teaches us about love. Take an online course with the Society of Grownups, sponsored by the insurance company Mass Mutual, and topics will include budgeting and how to deal with student-loan debt.

The sheer banality of many of these courses is their salient quality. They’re teaching stuff that people neither look forward to nor seem to enjoy, but implicitly recognize as part of being a grown-up: paying bills, setting a budget, calling the car insurance company, looking after your health. The joyless, quotidian chores of post-adolescence.

“Adulting is something nobody prepares you for, but you know it when it happens. It’s the unglorified part of being on your own,” says Rebekah Fitzsimmons, assistant director of the writing and communication program at Georgia Tech who taught a class on adulting in the 21st century in 2016.

In a bygone era, the ordinariness traditionally associated with growing the hell up was something few noticed--in the first half of the 20th century, 20-somethings were too busy trying not to die of the Spanish Flu or fighting Hitler to worry too much about what life skills they were failing to develop. That has now been replaced by public displays of what it means to be a self-sufficient human being, Fitzsimmons says. At the intersection of these two competing truths is the cottage industry of adulting, one nurtured by Instagram hashtags and built around how-to classes for hapless Millennials.

Born in 1989, I am a card-carrying member of the oft-derided demographic. How hapless am I? To find out, I signed up for the two action challenges the Adulting Collective offered last fall: one on nutrition and another focused on monthly budgeting. Via email, I received instructions for each of these week-long courses, which had me tackling a new skill or task each day.

When I hit 30, I intend to complete emerging adulthood fully equipped for whatever comes next.

First lesson: Hydrate! Never would I have thought the amount of water I consumed would be a point of instruction. But it turns out that young adults are notoriously poor judges of this particular basic biological need. The crash course in nutrition from the Adulting Collective that arrived in my inbox last fall was titled “Detox Before You Retox,” and it heavily emphasized hangover avoidance. Billed as a way to prepare yourself “before the next happy hour,” the instructions contained multiple steps broken down over five days. Step one: Get your basics in order, like eating your veggies, exercising, and drinking more water.

So one evening I stood in the harsh glow of my kitchen’s overhead fluorescent lighting--pitcher at the ready, glass on the countertop--applying myself to my first adulting lesson. On my smartphone I made a quick calculation: my weight, divided by 2.2, multiplied by my age, divided by 28.3, divided once more by eight. The answer: eight. More precisely, I needed to drink 7.56 cups of water to hit my proper daily intake.

This was only one of the big takeaways I received. I also learned that a morning drink of lemon water and cayenne pepper mixed with said water can help boost my metabolism, apparently. Like the unnecessarily complex hydration formula above, some of this material had the effect of making a heretofore uncomplicated thing more daunting. It was months later it finally dawned on me that a simple Google search could yield a far simpler answer for the number of glasses of water I ought to drink every day.

How did it come to this? Did previous generations have so much trouble mastering the basics?

“In an ideal world, we would all be followed around by this combination of our grandmother and Merlin who would lovingly teach us how to do each and every thing in the world,” says Kelly Williams Brown, author of the 2013 book Adulting: How to Become a Grown-up in 535 Easy(ish) Steps. “In the absence of that, it can be nice to have resources.”

Brown’s book seems to be largely responsible for the meteoric rise of the gerund form of the word (which was short-listed by Oxford Dictionaries as the word of the year in 2016). A revised edition of Adulting was published in March. The adulting industry itself is newer. Rachel Weinstein co-founded the Adulting School (now Collective) with Katie Brunelle in fall 2016. (Brunelle has since left the business.)

A professional therapist, Weinstein would sometimes encounter younger clients who spoke about the idiosyncrasies of grown-up life with a feeling of self-conscious shame. Being overwhelmed about how to manage money or clean out their kitchen pantry were things they felt they had to hide. “I just saw a lot of my clients struggle with life, trying to be competent in skills that we’re not necessarily taught. People had this sense of internal embarrassment,” she says.

To Weinstein, this seemed like a golden business opportunity. As a group, 26-year-olds are the single biggest age cohort in the U.S., followed by people who are 25, 27, and 24. Yet unlike previous generations, the young people of today are slower to reach the milestones usually associated with adulthood: living independently, forming their own households, having children, and getting married. “Today’s young people,” as the U.S. Census Bureau reported last year, “look different from prior generations in almost every regard.”

Tempting as it might be to identify the price of avocados as the culprit in this stunted generational progress, there may be other reasons to explain the shift. A research report released in the spring by Freddie Mac cited weak wage growth and the rapid rise of both housing costs and average expenditures as some of the principal reasons. “A popular meme, ‘adulting is hard,’ provides a humorous take on the challenges faced by young adults,” the authors wrote. “Like a lot of good comedy, the phrase has a tinge of cruelty.”

The typical adulting student is someone whose childhood was tech-dependent and activity-rich, the sort of high-achiever kid told to get good grades.

Geography plays a role, too: Millennials tend to choose to live in the centers of high-cost cities, and their earning power hasn’t kept pace with housing costs. Since 2000, the median home price in the U.S. has risen by a quarter, from $210,000 to $270,000, while the per capita real income for young adults has risen by only 1 percent during that same period. Throw those myriad factors together, and you have some of the explanation for why 20-somethings are renting for longer periods of time than they once did, as well as why marriage and fertility rates have dropped. Appropriately, Freddie Mac’s report was titled, “Why Is Adulting Getting Harder?”

But if you go further back, delaying the markers of adulthood does have historical precedent, says Holly Swyers, an anthropology professor at Lake Forest College. She recently completed a project examining adulthood in America from the Civil War to the present day. For much of the period Swyers studied, many Americans over 18 followed roughly the same trajectory as modern Millennials do: They spent their 20s figuring out life and establishing themselves financially. The script didn’t flip until the 1950s and 1960s, when the markers that defined crossing over into the world of adulthood came to mean marrying and having children.

“Marrying when you’re 20, having kids by 21, and being established is a little bit freakish in American history,” she says.

So if those Americans of yore managed to (eventually) attain maturity without the aid of online courses, why can’t Millennials?

Maybe we really are uniquely ignorant. That’s the thesis that GOP senator and Gen Xer Ben Sasse presents in his book The Vanishing American Adult. He writes that younger Americans have willfully embraced “perpetual adolescence.” Some of this is our fault, evidently: staring at our smartphones for hours on end has obliterated our attention spans. Yet Sasse also places blame at the feet of his own generation for its “reluctance to expose young people to the demands of real work.”

Weinstein, however, offers another explanation. She attributes the acute modern need for additional grow-up instruction to class and demographics. Her typical adulting student is probably someone whose childhood was tech-dependent and activity-rich, the sort of high-achiever kid who was repeatedly told to bring home good grades in order to get into a good college. “Whatever folks are really being pressured for college prep, they’re just not getting as much time and exposure at home hanging out with their family, learning how to unclog the kitchen sink, or hang a picture on the wall,” she says.

Lots of those over-scheduled and test-prepped teens of the aughts also missed out on erstwhile educational staples like home economics and shop classes, where high-school kids once learned how to darn a sock or hold a hammer; many schools began mothballing these mandatory courses in the 1990s. As a result, legions of American high-school graduates are being unleashed on the world without any basic skills. Some higher-education institutions, such as New Jersey’s Drew University, have stepped in to offer “Adulting 101” classes in things like beginner car care for their undergraduates.

The Adulting Collective doesn’t rely solely on Weinstein’s expertise for its courses, although it appears that designing an adulting curriculum is just as much of a challenge as growing up. Right now, the website contains some short posts and links to videos explaining a few skills, which is a deviation from the original idea to enlist instructors to offer online lessons. According to Weinstein, the new plan heading into 2019 is to build out a membership program that involves action challenges similar to the nutrition course I took part in. “One of the things I’ve learned as a therapist is a lot of times a little bit of accountability to somebody helps us achieve goals and get tasks done,” she says.

To Swyers, what’s extraordinary in Adulting Ed isn’t the curriculum itself, which is a pretty standard mix of self-improvement and personal finance tips. It’s the notion of branding such lessons under the “adulting” rubric. After all, classes geared toward grown-ups and their skills are all over the place. Visit any big-box hardware store and chances are there’s some sort of hands-on workshop taking place, for example. “If somebody is willing to be taught, for instance, basic kitchen skills--which people pay for all the time--they don’t call it an ‘adulting collective.’ They call it a cooking class,” Swyers says.

The difference, says Weinstein, is that the way younger adults are expected to grow older and assume our place in the world has dramatically changed: “I don’t think it’s a ‘hapless Millennial’ kind of thing at all. I just think there are things that are harder about the world today.”

Case in point: The spiraling costs of higher education. Those emerging adults are entering the workforce with massive student loans to pay off; no wonder some days all they can manage to do is Instagram bewildered-dog memes. “I have clients graduating from school with over $100,000 dollars worth of debt,” she says. “When you’re paying a mortgage’s worth of school debt every month, you’re probably going to need a little help stashing some money away in an emergency fund.”

Indeed, the most useful takeaways from my own brush with the adulting industry involved money management. Last fall’s challenge on budgeting included a chart for itemizing monthly breakdowns of expenses: so many dollars toward utilities, housing, food, clothing, and so on. After six months of following the chart I completed during the challenge, I managed to save up a sizable emergency fund of eight months’ worth of expenses--not bad for a freelance writer who graduated college with $250 to his name, and well worth the $5 I paid for the course itself.

The class was theirs. But the experience was all mine. And with my savings in order, I was freed up to stash excess cash in an additional account my wife and I hold to save for a future home down payment. With a house on the horizon, we’ve recently turned our attention to the prospect of having children sooner rather than later.

#adulting #adulting classes

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lettersfromhav · 7 years

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college advice from someone who’s been on both sides of it

So I'm finishing up my Ph.D. and preparing to depart for the real world (no, just kidding, I'm going to be in school forever, only in a different capacity) and I thought I'd put together a list of some college tips to share with you all. I graduated with my B.A. in 2012, magna cum laude, with 2 majors, 1 honours thesis, 2 on-campus jobs, and 3 music things. Since then, I've gone to grad school and also taught six semesters of first-year seminars. Now I'm going on the job market for teaching positions. All of this means that I've seen both sides of the college experience, as a student and as an instructor. There are a lot of great & useful college advice posts going around studyblr this time of here, and I wanted to add my own. I hope it’s useful. So here we go, with a “read more” because it’s long (sorry if you’re on mobile):

academics

find your classrooms ahead of time (profs' offices too)

figure out how long it will take you to walk between places

figure out where your best seat will be & claim it

say hi to the people next to you, learn their names

take notes in class

take advantage of extra credit

try your best not to fall asleep in class (and if you do fall asleep, apologise to the prof afterwards)

bring your glasses if you need them, don't be stubborn about it

check out the library, wander in the stacks, talk to the librarians

figure out how & where to print

buy used books/textbooks, or rent them, but be careful with ebooks (some profs don't allow them)

plan breaks into your class schedule, or block everything together, whichever works best for you

work out the pros & cons of 8am classes and/or night classes

plan ahead – have a planner, put things in it, do them

fake deadlines are a thing (write down earlier deadlines, trick yourself into meeting them, bask in satisfaction)

grades won’t be what they were in high school

keep in mind GPA values: a 3.5 will see you graduating with honours

be nice to the departmental administrative staff, thank them for helping you (even with small things)

office hours versus emailing profs: both will get your questions answered (probably) but if you can go and talk in person, do it

profs & TAs are people too, they have lives, they have bad days

if something comes up, talk to your prof, be honest but don't overshare, just show them you're trying

on that note, try

ask friends and especially older students for opinions about profs when you're deciding on your classes, but also check things out yourself

if your profs invite you to dinner/coffee/events, show up

unless the prof is not a good person, in which case AVOID and spread the word to your friends

if your friends spread this word to you, believe them

if you end up with a prof that your intuition tells you “no” about, trust that intuition

switch classes, talk to the dept. head, talk to the dean, do whatever you need to do

also document everything (save emails, screenshot things, write it down)

also “confidentiality” might be a lie, even if they tell you that your report is confidential (at my undergrad, only the counseling center & chaplain's offices were truly confidential, and even then only if there was no immediate threat)

the above isn't meant to scare you, just make you aware – statistically, you'll probably meet some people you'll wish you hadn't met, so take care of yourself and know your options

you might change your major a few times and that's ok

if it takes you more than 4 years to graduate, that's ok too

it's not the end of the world if you get a bad grade

it's not the end of the world if you need tutoring

tutoring is awesome & you should take advantage of it, especially if it's free -- campus writing centers are great too

it's not even the end of the world if you have to withdraw from a class, or take a leave of absence

keep at it & you will be fine

food

remember to eat

be nice to the dining hall staff (and all campus staff, especially maintenance/facilities, they are the ones who can help you out)

figure out how to discreetly take food from the dining hall (dry cereal, fruit, a sandwich, not entire pantries please)

keep snacks in your room (and don't eat them all at once)

fruits & vegetables are your friends

you all know this already but stay hydrated

take advantage of free food events on campus (my undergrad had a twitter dedicated to this)

sometimes religious organisations will host them – you can go even if you're not religious, just be polite

find a coffeeshop & be nice to the baristas, tip if you can

but also take it easy on the coffee consumption, you only have one heart

you still have to eat even if you get sick – at least what one of my family members calls the “BRAT diet” (bread, rice, applesauce, tea) until you feel better

if you have allergies, talk to the dining hall staff and explain your situation, ask them for advice & they should be able to help you out

if you feel pressured to diet or lose weight, 1) leave those people, and 2) eat what's right for your body

housing

make a roommate contract (rules for lights on/off, quiet hours, temperature control, guests, cleaning, locked doors, etc.)

don't lose your keys, but also don't wear a lanyard (carabiner inside a backpack pocket is a good plan)

unless lanyards are your thing, in which case, go for it

don't overspend on décor/bedding, go basic & minimal (rooms are small)

figure out how much sleep you need & get it, and try to stick to a routine

bring a padlock or two and some cable, use if it you feel you need to – also, laptop locks are under-rated, get one

bring a mirror, a lamp, and possibly a comfortable desk chair

extension cords with surge protectors are the way to go

if you want to bring a stuffed animal or something just bring it, don't worry about it not being “cool”

bring clothing that makes you feel like yourself when you wear it

get a plant or two and try not to kill it

open floor space creates the illusion of a bigger room

find out how to take out your trash & then actually do it

keep a few basic cleaning supplies in your room (Clorox or Lysol wipes will take care of almost anything in a dorm room, plus maybe a vacuum)

if you have white towels and white sheets, you can wash them together & add a little bleach, they will always look clean

lofted beds look nice but are a pain to change sheets on, just fyi

invest in a mattress topper (I say “invest”; mine was foam and like $20, no need to get super fancy)

if your mattress really is crap, talk to facilities about your options

invest in good headphones (this may actually be an investment)

bring a few favourite non-academic books to keep in your room for when you need a break from school reading

co-ed bathrooms might be a thing, it will be fine

if it's not fine, report it (RA, residence life, campus security) – be safe, kids

shower sandals are your friend – you might also want regular slippers

don't sexile your roommate – that's just rude, it's their room too, they're paying for housing just like you

if you are the one sexiled, have a conversation about it (after the fact, when everyone is clothed again) and lay out the rules

get your RA involved if need be, you have a right to your own room

don't hole up in your room all the time, but also don't be afraid to retreat back to it when you need to

if you have an apartment:

know what the deal is on how/when to pay rent, utilities, etc.; take photos for your security deposit; say hi to your neighbours even if you're not friends; have a basic toolkit; write down the non-emergency numbers for local police & fire and post them on your fridge; learn the system for taking out trash (dumpster, trash tags, etc.); make sure you know parking rules if you have a car; check your mail every day so it doesn't pile up; clean regularly

you will not survive college without a good living situation, so do whatever you need to do to make that happen

life

don't be afraid to do things alone

don't be afraid to fake-date your friends in order to get free stuff (for example, my undergrad had some free “couples” events on Valentine’s Day that a friend & I took advantage of a few times)

keep an eye out for dogs on campus & pet them (unless they're service dogs and hard at work, in which case admire from afar)

get a backpack that's comfortable to wear & can hold what you need

send postcards to your friends at other colleges (getting mail is surprisingly nice)

learn how to do laundry before you go to college

find the gym & use it (if it's free)

find the campus health clinic & use it (especially if it's free or low-cost)

don't leave your things unattended in the library even if it seems safe

learn how to use your local public transportation, if it exists

explore your town/city, bring friends along

bring a bicycle if you can and if your campus isn't entirely hills

if you have a car: wash it from time to time, keep the gas tank at least half full, get a snow shovel and keep it in your trunk (climate depending)

have at least one warm jacket, and one rain jacket (climate depending)

have good shoes, possibly boots – you'll likely be walking a lot

take early morning walks with friends (but be safe about it) and then go to breakfast together

find a playground & use it

go into campus buildings that you otherwise wouldn’t and explore – find new study spaces, cool art, comfortable chairs, who knows what

check out campus museums

join clubs you will actually enjoy, or that have people you want to spend time with

you can quit clubs at any time

you can change your mind any time – show up to an event, don't like it, leave, it's fine

you can also make up things if you need an excuse to leave -- no one will know, you are the master of your own schedule in college

there's something weirdly wonderful about showering at 5pm with the windows open, just saying

if you're queer and want to come out, come out; if not, no pressure

if you do, be careful about who you come out to, and what gets spread on social media -- look out for yourself

also your campus almost certainly has an lgbtq resource center so maybe use it (mine was a subset of the women's center)

if you came out using a term that then stops working for you, you're allowed to change your terms

don't drink too much, look out for your friends, tip $1 per drink, figure out which bar is least sketchy (also most sketchy – and then avoid that one)

the least sketchy bar is possibly going to be the place your profs hang out -- do the casual nod/wave to say hi if you see them, don’t just ignore them, but then get back to your friends

be super careful of what/how much you drink at house parties since you probably don’t know what you’re actually drinking

don't give in to pressure to be sexually active if it's not your thing

if it is your thing, still don't give into pressure, and also use protection every single time

enthusiastic consent is a thing, check in with your partner, make sure you're both good

get to know people in years both above and below yours

save people's numbers, names, birthdays in your phone

take photos with your friends & save them too

listen to your college’s radio station (maybe even DJ for them)

call your parents or family of choice from time to time, or at least text them

watch whatever will fit your mood and don't worry about what anyone thinks: childhood movies, HGTV, YouTube, whatever

in general don't worry so much about what people think, everyone is mostly a mess anyway

so try to be patient with people, and with yourself

survival kit: full water bottle (maybe one with a filter if your tap water is bad), gum or mints, lip balm, a pen, ibuprofen/advil, some cash

do what you want to do, within reason – you're an adult now and can make your own choices, so make good choices and be the person you want to be

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havekiddoswilltravel · 6 years

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#notwithoutmychild An American Traveling Family’s Take on the Zero Tolerance Policy

Let’s attempt to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes...

Photo credit: Rebecca Wilhite Photography

When our first born was 15 months old, my family traveled to the Dominican Republic on an extended family vacation with my parents and sister. At that time, children could travel with both parents with an official raised seal United States birth certificate and didn’t need a passport. As a first time parent, I was naive enough to trust this process and off we went. We entered the Dominican Republic with no problems, a bienvenidos and a smile. We spent 7 nights enjoying the picturesque waters and beaches of the island, while also visiting family and friends. To our surprise, at the end of our trip as were going through customs and immigration in Santo Domingo, we (my husband, baby girl and I) were separated from my parents and sister and brought into the back room. After several minutes of complete silence, agents looking at our passports, plane tickets and her birth certificate while whispering to each other in Spanish, we were called to the desk. It turns out that the custom agent whom check us into the country stamped the adult’s passports and inadvertently didn’t stamp our daughter’s birth certificate. Thus, there was no record of her entering the island and we basically looked like child traffickers. Here we were, young law abiding American Citizen parents stuck in limbo in the holding area with no idea how to get out of this predicament.

Our story had a happy ending for many reasons

First, I am a Dominican born United States citizen and was traveling with a U.S. born U. S. citizen husband who also happened to be an M. D. Why does this matter you may ask? I’m fluent in Spanish and could understand all of the speculations being made by the officers. I could also advocate for our family fluently in their native language without needed U.S. embassy involvement. Dominicans are known to value and respect education and titles. Having my husband be a doctor may have actually helped them believe me and added credibility to our side of the story. Having licensiado and doctor in front of your name goes a long way in Latin American culture.

Secondly, I am obsessive with documenting our children's lives and had a lot more time to do so with just one child. As a result, I was able to produce pictures on my phone and camera from her birth, first year of life and our family vacation on the island. I even had pictures of her on the plane and as we entered the customs area a week prior. Phew! By the grace of God, we dodged that bullet, but the scars have stayed with me.

Lastly, as a Dominican American who’s traveled in and out of both countries extensively, I had an insider’s view of both cultures. I was able to navigate and use that to our advantage and this resulted in us leaving many other people behind in that holding room and not even missing our flight. Others are not so lucky.

The lack of empathy and dehumanization of immigrants is troubling and hurtful. Our family’s immigration story is the epitome of the American Dream, on the surface at least. My mother is a college educated Dominican whom actually taught English in the Dominican Republic prior to our family immigrating to the United States in the early 80′s. This did not protect us from the trauma and pain associated with any immigrant story. My parent’s decision to move to the United States was made in order to provide their children with educational opportunities. What started off as an idealistic and financially tasking undertaking, turned out to be one of the most traumatic experiences of our family’s lives. It has shaped my passion for social justice and the disenfranchised.

My father traveled to the United States first (once our papers were granted) in order to secure a job and set up a place for us to live prior to my mother traveling with the three kids. My mother unexpectedly got a call that my father had been detained and held while attempting to enter the United States. She had to immediately leave her teaching job, home and three children behind in order to clear my father. Why? My mother had been sponsored by her eldest sister and she had in turn sponsored my father and us. She was not aware that because her name was the primary on my father’s residence card (green card), he couldn’t legally enter the United States for the first time without her. I was the youngest of their three kids at that time and though only four years old, I remember the confusion, sadness and pain associated with that experience. It’s for this reason that I cannot stomach watching videos and images of children being separated from their parents. What if this was your story? What if what you’re leaving was that difficult that you were willing to risk death to leave it? How do we decide whose life has value and whose children to protect?

In order to protect my extended family’s privacy, I will leave out the details of much of the pain and trials that we’ve experienced in our adventures in the United States. All of us are now Naturalized United States Citizens. My father passed his immigration test at the age of 70. My parent’s “American Dream” became a reality, as all three of their children have college or masters degrees, however that “dream” came at a cost. My passion around #notwithoutmychildren comes from a place of deep personal pain associated with immigration and time away from my parents as a result.

My personal life experiences as well of those of my extended family and friends still make me slightly distrustful of the “system” that is suppose to protect us. I treat our family’s passport like treasures. I never let them expire and don’t leave the country by air, land or sea without them. I also when solo traveling with my children, travel with a letter from my husband stating that he’s aware that I’m leaving the country. I’d rather be safe (slightly paranoid) than sorry, when it comes to spending one night of my life away from my children.

Where do we go from here?

Are you struggling with understanding, processing and responding to what’s going on with families? These are resources that I’ve used with my family to discuss and attempt to understand how we got here and where we stand on this issue. Also, I challenge you to turn off the news and attempt to interact with real people in real life on this issue. Do you know any immigrants of color? Have you broken bread with them? Have you heard their story from their own mouths? If you don’t know any immigrants of color, I’m willing to share some of mine. Here’s my cousin Lorena’s story. Read it, process it and take a step forward in better understanding people’s experiences. This blog post has been in draft form for over two weeks. Why? This stuff is painful. It brings up old hurts and creates triggers like no other experiences in my entire life. I’m letting you into a very personal part of my history in hopes that hearts will be moved and we can move toward empathy and love. Choose love.

Additional resources:

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This is a great resource that can be used to discuss the current events with our children in a manner that protects them and their sensitive hearts. We don't watch the news and I personally can't stomach watching the videos or images on this issue. My focus has to be on raising our children to be different, and looking for ways to advocate for those with no voice.

One of the challenges that I believe many of us have in regards to engaging on this topic is lack of understanding of our country’s history. Dr. Kira Banks did a great job putting together a video outlining our history and sharing ways to help us makes better understand what is going on.

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I will continue to update this blog post with additional resources that I’m using to make sense of what’s going around us.

History doesn’t have to repeat itself...

What are you doing to have your voice heard in this matter?

Let’s start by sharing our stories.

Pin it for later:

THE BEST WAY TO HELP IMMIGRANTS AND REFUGEES WHO HAVE BEEN ARRESTED/DETAINED

”Immigration advocates have noted one sure-fire way to help people separated from their children: Posting their bail. This is one of the fastest ways to reunite immigrants with their family,” said Pilar Weiss, project director at the National Bail Fund Network said.

This is true for undocumented people who have been detained by ICE across the whole Country, including in my home state of CT.

Here are two organizations that can help:

National group

Connecticut Group: http://www.ctbailfund.org/

About Ruth: I’m a wife and mami of 4 active and globe-trotting kiddos. I’ve always loved a good adventure and truly believe that it’s possible to travel with kids. Join me, as I share our adventures and inspire you to get out of the house with your kiddos. Whether you’re planning a family vacation, a road trip or a trip of a lifetime to an exotic destination, I’ll share insights, trip reports and information that will inspire you. Check back often to stay up to date on things to do with kids at your next travel destination.

#notwithoutmykids #immigration #parenting #drkirabanks #zerotolerance #familiesbelongtogether #immigrationstories #empathy #teachingkids #knowourhistory #notwithoutmychild #nosinmishijos #compassion #justice #drkira #homeschoolresources #DismantleTheImmigrantIncarcerationMachine #bethebridge #bloggervibes

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mercerislandbooks · 3 years

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Girls With Bright Futures: A Conversation

You’ll be seeing a book on the Island Books new paperback fiction table February 2nd, if you haven’t already spied it on several most anticipated releases of 2021 lists, including Newsweek, Refinery29 and Popsugar. With an eye catching cover, a local setting and an instantly intriguing premise, Girls With Bright Futures is the book everyone is going to be talking about. Taking place in Seattle at the fictional Elliott Bay Academy, and told from three alternating points of view, we get an inside look into the cutthroat world of college admissions and the unrelenting pressure on both the kids applying for college and the parents trying to ensure their success.

I was hooked from the very first page, plunged into the high stakes of vying for the last early admission spot at Stanford, and thankful that my college application days are now in the distant past! Seattle residents and co-authors, Tracy Dobmeier and Wendy Katzman, were kind enough to answer a few of my questions about their book and the writing process. And be sure to check out the details for their book launch at Island Books at the end of the blog!

Welcome Tracy and Wendy! How did you two decide to write a book together?

We’ve been friends for more than 20 years. In fact, Wendy’s husband and Tracy first met when they were right out of college living in Washington, DC. We all ended up in Seattle in the mid-1990s and connected when our oldest kids were toddlers, and the two of us became instant friends. Over the years, we’ve supported each other through careers, motherhood, community volunteer work, and many life events—some wonderful, others terrifying. Throughout it all, we bonded over our deep reliance on humor and our tremendous mutual respect. It’s not an exaggeration to say that we always felt a collaboration on something was inevitable. But for years, the perfect idea eluded us. On long, angsty walks, we batted around book ideas (always non-fiction in those early days), business ideas, and even an idea for a board game. But at the bottom of it all was a desire to better understand the culture of motherhood today—all its rewards and privileges, and on the flip side, the judgment and toxic self-doubt that plague so many of us.

Finally, just when we were starting to launch our kids from the nest, we read two books that really set us off on this path, but for very different reasons. The first was Modern Romance which was a collaboration between the comedian Aziz Anzari and Eric Klinenberg, a sociologist from Columbia, in which they looked at how romance and courtship rituals have evolved over the last 100 years or so. Something about that the way that book took on a culturally relevant topic, combining humor and research really resonated with us and got us thinking about whether we could do something similar with modern motherhood and friendship. But we quickly realized we were neither stand-up comedians nor sociologists, so we were still casting about for an idea.

And then we read another amazing book—Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. We were so inspired. For years, we’d been telling our kids that it’s OK to try new stuff even if it means failing sometimes, and yet we’d been unwilling to take that kind of risk ourselves. And so we thought: If we were going to “go big” and really risk being vulnerable, what would we do? All of the sudden we realized we wanted to write fiction (and please believe us: writing a novel and sharing it with the world is an excruciating exercise in vulnerability!). We wanted to create something, to be free to dream up characters and stories and worlds. The only flaw in this plan was that neither of us had ever written a word of fiction. If only we could figure out how to write a novel, we believed our work ethic and willingness to hold ourselves accountable to each other would get us the rest of the way there. So what did we do? We kid you not...we pulled out our computers and googled: “How do you write a novel?” That was at the end of February, 2016—and the rest is history!

What was the inspiration for Girls With Bright Futures?

Because our book is launching in the wake of the Operation Varsity Blues college admissions scandal, most people assume that salacious news story was our inspiration, but that’s actually not the case. In fact, prior to Girls with Bright Futures, we had already written an entire manuscript featuring college admissions mania as a major theme, but that manuscript was submitted to publishers in 2018 without success. Forced to go back to the drawing board, we ultimately conceived of Girls with Bright Futures in late 2018 and had not only plotted out the entire book but had nearly completed our first draft when the scandal first broke in March 2019!

As far as why we chose this topic in particular, it's kind of a long story! But in a nutshell, when our older boys were in the midst of the college admissions process, each of our husbands suffered a life-threatening health crisis. Thankfully (knock on wood), our guys are alright, but it was such a bizarre coincidence that we both experienced such intense brushes with mortality during the high anxiety of the college admissions process—it felt like a sign we couldn’t ignore. Initially, our writing was more therapy than anything, enabling us to try to make sense of all our feelings. At the same time, we became fascinated by what seemed to be an increasingly competitive and anxiety provoking college admissions process for our kids. We wanted to explore the impacts of all this on families, friendships, students, and school communities.

The pacing is so good in your narrative, what was your writing process like to make that happen?

Well first, thank you for saying that! We’re staring at each other over Zoom right now trying to remember how it all came together! Before we start writing, we work out every scene—e.g., whose point of view, where the scene starts and ends, and what we need to accomplish. Every scene has a specific purpose to keep the plot unfolding. In addition, we really wanted our story to illustrate and mirror the real-life phenomenon of how an anxiety-fueled action by one character can provoke escalating responses in others. Some of our pacing derives from this tension. Finally, we intentionally juxtaposed humorous or satirical scenes against more serious ones, and dialogue-heavy scenes with more expository-laden scenes. After all, variety is the spice of life (ugh—and cliches are the bane of a writer’s existence!).

How did you decide what kind of representation you wanted in your characters?

Our overarching goal was to write a compelling (even shocking!) fictional depiction of the toxicity of the college admissions process for parents, families, friendships, and communities. There were many different approaches we could have taken and we considered all of these, including race, ethnicity, and income/class. As two white women, we were conscious of not wanting to misappropriate any stories, but we did want to find a way to show how racism rears its head in this setting. We decided to make our three main characters white women of varying socioeconomic levels while incorporating plot twists (no spoilers here) and a whole roster of women whose races and ethnicities are intentionally ambiguous to expose some common racist assumptions in many high school communities. Telling this story through a lens of extreme income inequality allowed us to shine a light on the role of that particular trend as a major driver of anxiety and bad behavior in many school communities. Our hope is that we’ve constructed a story that will stimulate discussion on a range of social justice issues.

What was surprising to you about writing your first book?

Writing and publishing a book are two totally different endeavors. On the writing front, we had no idea how little time we’d spend actually writing our book versus planning it on the front end and revising/editing it on the back end. In terms of publishing, we were initially surprised to learn how much marketing is involved and that the majority of that marketing involves social media (even more so now because we’re launching in a pandemic). As neither of us were remotely active on social media before our publishing journey, we had to push ourselves to overcome our discomfort and there has also been a (very) steep learning curve (like what the heck is an Instagram story for and why do we have to do it?). We’ve been fortunate to have digital natives (i.e., our children) who owe us big-time for all the years we spent raising them. Check out our social media game on Instagram @katzndobs.

What are you working on now?

While we can no longer sit side-by-side at Tracy’s house, we’ve continued working together over Zoom. Our next novel isn’t a sequel to Girls with Bright Futures, but it’s set in a similar world with more parents behaving badly. That’s about all we can say right now!!

And last but not least, at Island Books the staff is always asked about what we’re reading. What are the two of you reading and recommending now?

Tracy: My favorite read over the holidays was The Midnight Library by Matt Haig, and I am currently reading Black Buck by Mateo Askaripour.

Wendy: Eliza Starts a Rumor by Jane Rosen was my favorite read over the holidays, and His Only Wife by Peace Adzo Medie is my current read.

Photo by @KristenSycamorePhotography

Tracy and Wendy will be at Island Books on Saturday, February 6th from 10am to 2:30 pm for a Covid-era signing of Girls With Bright Futures. A free custom Hello Robin cookie is their special gift to you with purchase of their book, while supplies last! So put on your mask and stop by to support these lovely debut authors and their fantastic book. Hope to see you there!

-- Lori

#island books #lori robinson #girlswithbrightfutures #katzndobs #2021debuts #bookclub #debutauthors #tracy dobmeier #wendy katzman

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ozarkianhillcrofters-blog · 6 years

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Mark Kumming, Collector of Ozarkiana

By Curtis Copeland, The Society of Ozarkian Hillcrofters

In the world of the Internet and social media, Mark Kumming is becoming well known for his knowledge of Ozarks history, memorabilia, and almost all things Ozarkiana. From posting photos of his personal Ozarks book collection, to images of Silver Dollar City and Branson area tourism memorabilia, to answering questions from followers about people and places of the Ozarks, Mark is actively becoming a guru of Ozarks regional culture.

A follower and fan of Mark myself, I felt fortunate to interview him and ask several questions, for his collection and knowledge is fascinating to me as well. Although Mark spent his earliest years in the suburbs of St. Louis, Missouri, he eventually moved to Branson in his early teens. Like many people, Mark Kumming’s interest in regional and local history was influenced at an early age by his parents. “My dad would carry my brother and I, later our sister, all around St. Louis in the family van in the late 1960s and early 1970s. He took us to all kinds of museums and historic sites, primarily to keep us occupied on a day off from school or during summer vacation from school,” Mark said, when asked about how he became interested in history.

His father had some interesting occupations. These occupations, along with his father’s devoted interest in spending time with his children, led to some interesting experiences for Mark. “Dad was a licensed embalmer and funeral home director when I was very small, and so he had an interest in old cemeteries, too. I have been to all kinds of odd, strange, and unusual places around St. Louis that few life time residents even knew about. I thought it was fascinating to go to the Old Courthouse and stand in the room where the Dred Scott Decision was made or see all the stuff in the St. Louis Art Museum, the McDonnell Planetarium, and other such places.”

Mark’s father later went to work for McDonnell-Douglas, an aerospace firm in St. Louis that had a US Government contract during the Apollo and Skylab Eras with NASA. He met many of the astronauts when they came to St. Louis for training prior to their space flights. He personally knew Gus Grissom and Neal Armstrong. Mark recalled one special experience, “Once, on a day off from school, my dad took me in the family car to a warehouse in the St. Louis area, so he could pick up some parts for Skylab and take them to another location to deliver them. When he came out a few minutes later he had a little Ziploc bag with some electronic circuits in it...part of Skylab! I got to hold that bag in my hands and take a good look at it...something that soon would go up into space! That was a big deal for a little kid, and I remember it well.”

In 1973, Mark’s father felt that after spending time in the suburban areas of St. Louis, that he wanted his children to experience life in the country. The family moved to Perryville, MO, to a small farm on an Ozarks ridge just above the Mississippi River bottom lands. Relocating to this region of the Southeast Missouri Ozarks reinforced his interest in the Ozarks, it’s culture and history. “I was about 11 years old. That summer, a local publisher printed THE PERRYVILLE ADVERTISTER, a little magazine with a bunch of ads in it. The publication featured several articles about local history and folklore, lost treasure legends, historic spots, church history, settlement history, and so on. It was something I ate up! I loved the legends and local history stories. It was the first piece of regional material that I kept. I still have it today.” But it was not only the history of the local museums and history sites of the area that influenced Mark. He began to have an appreciation for the natural features that make the Ozarks region so special. “My brother and I explored the Ozarks woods around our farm. We had a natural spring that bubbled up in our pasture, and we followed it through the woods down to a much larger creek that eventually dumped into the Mississippi. Along that stream there were caves, limestone water falls, and all sorts of cool things for little early teenaged boys to explore. That left a big impression on me, too.”

During this time of the mid 1970’s Marks parents divorced. Although this was an unfortunate event, the silver lining was that his mother and stepfather worked for a large healthcare company, which had transferred them to Branson, Missouri. His family back in 1968 or 1969, had visited Branson for the first time on vacation right after the Beverly Hillbillies episodes aired on TV. They spent several days in Branson then, doing Silver Dollar City, Baldknobbers Jamboree, and other sights, which had made a great impression on young Mark. In 1978, after his mother and stepfather had been transferred, Mark found himself in Branson once again, but as a resident, and thrilled to be living in the town that brought him so much joy as a young boy. “We lived for the first two weeks in the Branson Inn, while mom and stepdad looked for a house. Then, I got a job at the age of 15 at SDC in the Foods Department, working at the Vineyard (now the Wagon Works Restaurant.) We were enrolled in Branson schools in the fall. Life was good! Of course, now with the SDC "pass exchange program" a benefit which let employees of the park into Branson attractions at no charge, I had the ability to go to all the music shows, attractions, just about everywhere in town for free! It was fantastic!”, said Mark of his moving to Branson.

This is the time when Mark began his collection of Branson, Silver Dollar City, and Ozarks memorabilia. Many people are now thankful that Mark saved every pamphlet, small trinket, and many things people of the late 1970’s and early 1980’s considered unimportant, or even trash. “I slowly accumulated Ozarks related material beginning in this period. I kept everything my employers gave me at SDC. ...I am proud of saving from the SDC dumpsters several small pieces salvaged from the float trip and diving bell attractions when they were torn out and updated with the American Plunge and the Lost River.” These early Silver Dollar City and Branson places of employment during his high school years gave Mark the opportunity to be surrounded by and participate in the “Ozarks-themed” tourist industry which he loved. He also made a lot of friends in this “golden age” of early Silver Dollar City and Shepherd of the Hills attractions, that would become well-known locally, and influential to the community even today. “I got a job as the concessions manager at Hee Haw Theater in 1981, it was a showcase for the Hee Haw TV stars. I transferred to the Attractions Department at SDC in 1979, and worked at Jim Owens Float Trip Ride, Rube Dugan's Diving Bell, Flooded Mine, Fire in the Hole, Grandfather's Mansion, Tree Top House (Huck Finn's Hideaway) the One Mule Swing, and did ad-lib street entertainment and was involved in one of the street feud skits regularly in the 1980 season. In 1981 I was second lead man at the diving bell. During this period, I graduated from Branson High School in 1980 and attended College of the Ozarks.” Mark stated about his early employment.

Mark’s experience and knowledge was not only increasing in the areas of Silver Dollar City and Branson tourism, but also the Ozarks region and its history and culture. “My collecting continued, primarily buying Ozarks books at the SDC book store. I worked with many people from the old days of Branson tourism at SDC, so I heard many old stories of what it was like in the area from decades past. Also, I went to high school with Jack Herschend's son, Bruce Herschend (who now runs Talking Rocks and Butterfly Palace) and Kelly Trimble, Mark Trimble's son, who had Shepherd of the Hills at the time. I went to high school and college with Jace Land, whose grandpa was Townsend Godsey, noted photo journalist of the Ozarks, and a contemporary and friend of Vance Randolph, Otto Ernest Rayburn, Harry Truman, and Thomas Hart Benton. Jace taught me some photography basics, too.”

In 1984, Mark’s educational and career path took him away from his friends and favorite places of Branson. He went to Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau to study mass communications and business. During this time at SEMO University he was classmate with a man that went on to a big career in TV and film, Cedric the Entertainer. They had mass communications classes together and were friends at the time.

Later in 1984, Mark began a 20-year career as a radio broadcaster, working as a disc jockey, announcer, news reporter and news director at radio stations in Cape Girardeau, Dexter, and Kennett, MO. All these towns are in the bootheel area of Missouri. In 1990 Mark moved to Forrest City, AR to continue radio there, and met and married his wife, Janette. He became an instant husband and stepfather. In less than three years their oldest daughter had her first child, and he was a grandpa for the first time. Mark and his wife now have two daughters and ten grandkids.

Mark had a very successful career during his twenty years in radio. He received several awards and met many celebrities, politicians and influential people. He received the Distinguished Service Award from the Journalism Department at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock in 2000. He was a stringer for the ARKANSAS GAZETTE newspaper in Little Rock, and THE COMMERCIAL APPEAL newspaper in Memphis, TN. Mark contributed news on a regular basis to the Arkansas Associated Press Broadcasters Association, the Arkansas Radio Network, the Brownfield Ag Network, and the Learfield Data News Service. As a news reporter he covered events attended by President Reagan, Vice President George Herbert Walker Bush, and met and interviewed such people as Barbara Bush, Bill Clinton, Academy Award winning actress Mary Steenburgen. Mark also went to press events featuring Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood. He interviewed Ricky Phelps of the Kentucky Headhunters. Mark also had the opportunity to interview Jesse Jackson, was part of a press pool that covered a press conference featuring author John Grisham, and met and interviewed three Missouri governors, and five Arkansas governors and was on a first name basis with Mike Huckabee when he was Arkansas governor.

During that 20-year timespan of being in his radio career and raising a family, Mark’s collecting of Ozarkiana and memorabilia had come to a standstill. They had vacationed in Branson a couple of times over the years, but that was about all. “I still was interested in local and regional history, and as a news reporter did many stories on local and regional history topics, festivals, and so on. All that stuff was Mississippi Delta Region material, not Ozarks material.”

Then in 2003, Mark’s wife, Janette, had an opportunity to move to northwest Arkansas and double her salary. She had a great career working in medical offices doing billing, Medicare, Medicaid, insurance contracts, etc., so they moved to Rogers, Arkansas. Unfortunately, Mark’s radio career had ended, and he went into construction work for a while, then was a clerk in an emergency room at a hospital in Springdale, Arkansas for nine years. “My, how my eyes were opened! This was much different work than entertaining in Branson or being a radio broadcaster.”

When that job ended, Mark became a clerk in a government contractors firm in Rogers for four years. When that job ended in 2017, he became a substitute teacher in the Pea Ridge School District. Mark and his Janette moved to Pea Ridge in 2007. In January of 2018, the Pea Ridge Community Library made Mark their children's storyteller. He also has done freelance writing on Ozarks topics since 2010. “No money in it, but I have had about 150 articles published in regional magazines and newspapers. I am regular contributing writer for THE MISSOURI CHIGGER magazine published at Lowry City, MO.”

After moving to Rogers, Mark was once again able to turn his sights towards his Ozarks collection. “I went at it full throttle when we moved to Rogers. My wife and I began going to yard sales, and I started picking up material like old out of print books on Ozarks topics. Then I discovered several fine used book stores and "friends of the library" type book stores, where material was sold cheap. I built a library of Ozarks material over the last 15 years. At times, I ran out of space, or found myself in an economic bind, and sold huge chunks of the library for cash at yard sales we held or traded material for better stuff with the secondhand book stores. I have two double book shelves full of Ozarks material. I have a closet packed full of other material I have found in flea markets and antique stores.”

Mark’s collection began to make its online appearance in 2010, when he joined the www.sdcfans.com web site, a web page for the fans of Silver Dollar City. “I posted over 2000 posts on that site [www.sdcfans.com] and began a Flickr account to post SDC and Hee Haw Theater photos. I found that all that stuff I had saved for over 30 years from my youth at SDC and Hee Haw was now interesting to someone other than myself! A younger generation who had only heard about this stuff was amazed when I started posting scans of my collection on line, and they marveled at the stories of old time Branson and SDC of the 1970s and early 1980s.” In 2013, Janette bought him a computer tablet, and his son in law signed him up for a Facebook account. “Over time I discovered the Facebook group pages I now contribute to. Now I administer the Hee Haw Theater Facebook page in honor of the people who worked at the theater with me. SDCFans.com began a Facebook page, and the administrator asked me to be a co-administrator with him, so I do some work there. I am very pleased to be able to share my knowledge about Ozarks topics with folks on those group sites.” Mark also stated that he is pleased to be an active member of the Society of Ozarkian Hillcrofters and enjoys sharing his collection with that group as well.

Mark’s sharing of his collection is not just in cyberspace. He was amazed when Josh Heston invited him to the State of the Ozarks Festival in 2017 at Hollister, where he had a booth with items from his collection. He felt honored to be a part of the festival and could visit with people directly about his collection of Ozarks memorabilia.

I asked Mark some specifics about his collection. “Regarding the rarest piece I have, it is a copy of M.E. Oliver's "STRANGE SCENES IN THE OZARKS," a handmade book limited to a printing of 400 copies. I’m very pleased to have that. I have tons of brochures, postcards, and many other pieces of paper goods that promoted or told of aspects of Ozarks.” Mark has some advice for those interested in being collectors themselves. “If I could give anyone a tip on what to collect I would say to seek out the many, many small cheaply made booklets that Ozarks natives made and peddled to tourists in the 1950s through the 1980s. These little books contain many gems of Ozarks history, little tidbits that the bigger books by the university presses don't discuss. Some of those books include one by Silver Dollar City's first Marshal, one by a miller at Sullivan's Mill at SDC. Also, books written by the eccentric "Coin" Harvey at Rogers, AR who founded the Monte Ne Resort in the 1920’s, and books by a Bentonville, AR man, J. Dickson Black, who did several books on northwest Arkansas history.”

Mark met several interesting people, some of them old timers, along the way during his collecting. He had the opportunity to get acquainted with Walker Powell from Silver Dollar City, he met Ozarks author Phillip Steele a couple of times, during his time freelance writing. Mark had encounters with Jack and Pete Herschend, and helped train Branson area entertainment legend, Terry Wayne Sanders at Silver Dollar City. “I was a coworker with many good, good people who worked at SDC, the Branson music shows, Shepherd of the Hills play...gosh, I worked or was friends with many good folks from Shepherd. There are many stories I could tell if time permitted.”

Not only is Mark a collector, but he is also an accomplished author. He has had some 150 freelance stories published in regional periodicals. He also used the CreateSpace platform on the Internet to publish his first collection of poetry. It is a small chapbook of poetry and photos titled “REFLECTIONS ON THE BATTLE OF PEA RIDGE IN POETRY AND PHOTOGRAPHS”. It is currently available on amazon.com. “I have seen the printed proof of the little book, and I'm proud of it, although I do not expect a little book of Ozarks poetry to sell more than a handful of copies.” He stated with a chuckle.

Mark intends to continue his writing efforts. “I do have plans on publishing some of the Ozarks articles that have appeared in print in magazines and newspapers in the months and years ahead. There is a lot of material that I have in my filing cabinet. I do have plans on issuing a history and memoir of my diving bell days and my time at Hee Haw Theater when time permits.”

Mark is also continuing his new career in education as well. Although he is currently substitute teaching in Pea Ridge Schools, he hopes to be able this summer to begin to study and obtain a teacher’s license, and teach full time in Pea Ridge Schools, hopefully beginning in fall. “It will be a long, hard process for me, but I hope at this time to accomplish this. It hopefully will be a career until I am eligible to retire at age 68.”

Mark Kumming’s lifelong interest in the Ozarks, and his collection of Ozarks memorabilia has become something much more than the hobby of an individual. It has become an important historic record of the region and a source of education for this and future generations. The excitement that Mark has had for Ozarks history and culture, and his willingness to share the collection, has created an interest in the Ozarks that is essential for the preservation of the unique culture of the region. □

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chrismalcolmhnd2c · 4 years

Text

Doorstep Portrait

©Annie Dresner

©Julie Michaelsen

“In time of test, family is best.” – Burmese Proverb.

Research the Narrative

In your workbook or blog, research Social Portraiture. There will be further tasks and support through the Contextual Studies class.

Tell the Story

Organise a group shot that will involve a minimum of three people.

Following restrictions imposed by lock down, photographers have been finding neW and inivitave ways to continue their practice of social photograhy, and in turn documenting the current situation.

You may interpret this brief in a variety of ways however the end product should display a group of sitters photographed safely on location.

The location will be the sitter’s residence or work place however consider the best place at the location to photograph the sitters. Windows, doorstep, garden shed? Have fun with the posing.

Good location, controlled lighting, co-ordinated styling, effective communication, and effective posing/composition will all add to the ‘experience’ for your sitters.

A parental consent form should also be created when any members of your group are under 16.

Edit and refine: Complete worksheet

These images should be of a quality suitable for a private client to purchase and print, retouching flaws, great composition, sharp and properly exposed.

Submission: One Final A3 folio print ready canvas with 2 significantly different images of the same group.

Initial research for Social Portraiture for “White Shirt”

https://chrismalcolmhnd2c.tumblr.com/tagged/white

Further research on Doorstep Portraiture

Coronavirus: Doorstep photo diaries capture life in lockdown

Published 21 May 2020

Magnus and Jenny have enjoyed spending more time together during the coronavirus lockdown.

Over the last eight weeks doorstep photos have provided some of the enduring images of Scotland's lockdown.

Families, couples and housemates are having socially-distant photographs taken at their front doors in an effort to record these unusual times.

Among those following the trend to create snapshots of modern life is Glasgow photographer Caro Weiss.

"I now have more than 100 shoots booked over the next four weeks," she said.

"I've done a great mix of people, artists, makers, couples, people with dogs, kids. I have been booked for an anniversary shoot, a 'should have been our wedding day' shoot, birthdays, and ones that friends have booked for their friends to cheer them up if they are finding it really tough.

"I can't wait to meet everyone. It's the highlight of my days now."

We asked some of her subjects to tell us about their lockdown experience.

Alison and Willie McBride

Alison and Willie McBride, both in their 60s, can't do their regular jobs at the moment.

"We've recently moved to this flat which fortunately has its own private garden which we are thankful for during lockdown and we spend time there reading and playing Scrabble. We sent our doorstep photos to our daughter and family living in America and our son, daughter-in-law and another daughter living in Manchester. We are trying to face this crisis with quiet resilience and the photos show a sense of being in it together and looking after each other."

Susanne Bell and Stephen Gallagher

Musicians Susanne Bell and Stephen Gallagher wanted to document lockdown with a growing bump.

"I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant and we wanted some photographs to document our lockdown with our growing bump! We've not been able to visit friends and family for three months now so we're really missing seeing them and showing off the baby bump. We are both musicians who play in bands and teach music so we are working from home with Stephen's son Johannes who is 12. We've been really lucky to have lots of musical instruments and projects to keep us busy. Stephen is in a band called Scaramanga and has been writing, recording (remotely) and releasing new music."

Jenny McLean and son Magnus

Jenny, 38, wanted to record Magnus' sixth birthday during the lockdown.

"We're coping well - we face Queen's Park, so we never feel too isolated with all the people coming and going for their daily exercise. We've kept busy through a combination of juggling work, craft projects, schoolwork and a worsening online shopping habit (I bought a 1960s swimsuit the other day… when I'm next going swimming, I have no idea!). We've been lucky to stay healthy throughout. It was Magnus's sixth birthday at the weekend so it seemed the perfect way to remember his day, and a time where - amidst the pandemic - I've felt really lucky to have more time with him, away from our usual busy lives."

Barbara Smith, Chris Macfarlane, Innes and Ishbel

Barbara, 37, Chris, 38, and their children Innes, 6, and Ishbel, 4, loved their "daft" photos.

"We are so pleased with our photos, they're so informal and more than a wee bit daft. Kids get big so quickly, it's a real treat to have a record of this time, even if it has been quite intense in parts! We are all healthy and enjoying having more family time, although I'm not sure I'm quite cut out for home schooling. I'm a wedding florist, so my business has been affected drastically, everything is either cancelled or postponed. Which at least means that I am able to take on childcare now that Chris has to work from home. He is a college tutor and is having to adapt to teaching his students online."

Cecilia Stamp, Greg Paterson and Leo

Cecilia Stamp is looking after her mum in nearby sheltered housing and has lost a family member to the virus.

"I'm a jeweller and I don't have full access to my workshop at the moment so I have been working as best I can but I really miss my workspace - especially as there's equipment I don't have at home. One of my main priorities has been looking after my mum who lives nearby in sheltered housing, doing food shops for her etc, as she can't go out. We've had a family member die from the virus down south, which was a huge shock as he was in good health, so it's been especially difficult for her too. We couldn't go to the funeral and trying to sort things remotely was a challenge."

Kenji Kitahama and Till Stowasser

Till, 42 and Kenji, 44, are both working from home.

"We're hanging in there and trying to make the best of the situation. We're very lucky in that both Till and I are able to work from home. Till is a professor and has been holding all of his lectures online since the beginning of March. I'm a bookbinder who makes bespoke photo albums and books. I run my small business from my home studio, so the lockdown hasn't affected my daily work routine a great deal. However, this is a time when I'm usually busy making wedding albums but since all of these celebrations have been cancelled or rescheduled, it's been a bit quieter. We're so grateful for all the frontline workers and of course, the postal service—who are making it possible to keep my little business afloat."

The McGarrigles

Eamon, 40 Claire, 40, Nancy, 5, and one-year-old Nena are getting used to sharing their space a lot more.

"We are currently adapting to the new way of life with Eamon now working from home. I'm no longer able to work as my place of work is temporarily closed due to Covid-19, so I am now attempting to be a home school teacher to Nancy who was in P1. We are missing our families and friends so much as we are both from Northern Ireland originally and have no family here in Glasgow. Our kids keep us sane and drive us mad in equal measures. I hope they will remember this time in their lives as the time we all got to hang out more, baked cakes, clapped with all our wonderful neighbours on a Thursday night and painted rainbows."

Terri Hawkins and Ernst

Terri Hawkins, 31 and Ernst Wolf, 2, have a flat full of flowers.

"I am a florist and rely mainly on weddings and events, so my business has been hugely affected. Me and my partner Angus fell through the cracks for government funding so we had major money panics. My business was the only way we could earn money, so we turned our living room into a dried flower workshop and came up with these flower arranging kits that people can make at home using dried flowers. They are great and keeping the whole family just afloat right now! Angus has started working for me, he's in charge of the logistics, computer stuff, ordering and I do all the making.

"Our house is a mess filled with flowers, our poor two-year-old has to watch TV every morning whilst we frantically work, we try and get it all done for lunch time then spend the day playing with our son Ernst! The online flower shop has been our families saviour, we are extremely grateful."

The Evans family - Mhairi, Maeve and Joe

Mhairi, 35, Joe, 36 and Maeve (who will be six next week) have made the best of a bad situation.

"Joe and I are working from home and juggling home schooling. We've all been lucky to be quite well but did have some mild symptoms near the beginning so went through isolation. It's pretty full on. Some days are fun, some days are really hard and we've all been up and down. Maeve is beginning to really miss her friends and her school. We're just trying to make the best of it but we miss our families and friends a lot. I have so much respect for all key workers and I'm happy to stay at home for as long as we have to if that keeps them safe."

Hazel Jane and George Windsor

Hazel Jane, 23 and Dr George Windsor, 29, had only moved in together in February and say their lockdown was a "cohabitation of fire".

"We're both lucky enough to continue working full-time from home throughout lockdown and we do this by rotating spaces between the kitchen table and the sofa. Neither of us have shown any symptoms so it's been a smooth ride in that sense, but we have certainly suffered the mental health dips that come with quarantine and won't be unhappy to see the end of it. We moved in together in February so this has been a cohabitation baptism of fire. Also, these are not the haircuts we went into quarantine with. Mine is now considerably longer, while George's DIY cut leaves lots to be desired."

Claire Jonston-Dawson, John and Eddy

Claire, 33, John, 30 and Eddy, 2 have enjoyed more time together in their "flat bubble".

"We co-own a tiny pizza restaurant with a friend, so life is completely different for us in lockdown as we are closed right now, and have been since mid-March. It has had its ups and downs, as we, like so many others, still wait to find out what financial help we're getting for our business, but restaurant aside we've adjusted to slower, much simpler days and getting to hang out together. And we know we are some of the lucky ones in this situation, so really just spend our days swinging from guilt to gratitude for our small but cosy flat bubble, to being overwhelmed and angry at the UK government."

Source: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-52706375

Further Research

Photographers taking 'doorstep portraits' capture candid picture of life in lockdown from Kent's towns and villages

By Sean Delaney

Published: 27 May 2020

Photographers across Kent are taking candid shots of households on their doorsteps in a bid to document precious family memories and drum up funds for the NHS.

The industry was among those hardest hit by the lockdown restrictions as studios, weddings and other public places were all deemed out of bounds.

Couple Charlie and Lauren Moore in Snodland Photo: Strawberry Photography

But now so-called "doorstep photoshoots" are providing families with the chance to capture some priceless memories during these difficult times.

It has also afforded snappers a safe space in which to engage with clients and neighbours while also bringing in some much needed cash for their businesses and the health service.

New mum Sarah Hunt is currently running her business Strawberry Photography from her home in Snodland.

The 32-year-old usually focusses on weddings but as these have all now been rescheduled until next year the doorstep project has been providing a new outlet in-between caring for her three month old daughter Margot.

Each session is conducted outside and in line with government guidelines on the two metre distance, although in reality Sarah says it’s closer to four or five metres because of the quality of her camera lens.

Tony Legg and Jane Pullinger-Legg who is a nurse assessor in the NHS Photo: Strawberry Photography

"It was a little bit slow at first. I think people couldn't quite grasp the idea of how it worked," she said.

Work soon began to pick up and Sarah has been booked in for various sessions around Snodland which she times around her baby's feeds.

"These have been a lot of fun and gone down really well," she said. "My approach is very relaxed and informal which enables me to create real and candid photos."

"I was doing virtual shoots and these were okay but they are just not the same as getting out and taking photos".

Sarah has snapped everyone from a funeral director to a nurse assessor and her pet pooches.

But a group she has taken shots of regularly is mums-to-be and includes one expecting mum who found out she was pregnant just days before going into lockdown.

Funeral director Gray Reigate, pictured with wife Zoe, daughter Molly and Boris the boxer Photo: Strawberry Photography

She said: "As well as family photoshoots, I have also photographed mums to be which has been so great as many of them have been in lockdown since the start of their pregnancies, so this has been a lovely way for them to show off their bumps.

"Otherwise there is going to be people being like 'oh my god' you're pregnant.

"Adapting my business to be able to create these images for people in these unprecedented times has been extremely rewarding – It's also great to just get back out there with my camera."

Payment is collected through contactless means and £5 from every shoot is donated to the NHS.

Sarah is also part of a team of Kent wedding suppliers who are putting on a wedding worth £35,000 for one lucky NHS worker.

The competition is the brainchild of Lou Finn, owner of Ashford-based Bake To The Future who has brought together 52 suppliers to donate their services for free.

The Champion family photo: Estelle Thompson Photography

Another photographer who has been doing her part for the NHS is Sevenoaks-based Estelle Thompson.

The 46-year-old has been capturing a frank snapshot of what lockdown life has been like in the small village of Fawkham in Longfield.

Estelle's calendar would usually be booked up with weddings and baby shoots at this time.

But when the Coronavirus struck her business Estelle Photography ground to a halt and as a self-employed worker says she did not qualify for government relief.

She wrote on her blog: "My heart broke every time a bride contacted me to discuss new dates for a wedding that was long awaited and now would be pushed back further."

Scarlett and Harry used the photos to wish their nanny a happy birthday, as they couldn't be with her. Photo: Estelle Thompson Photography

The snapper filled her time taking shots of her dogs and birds on the garden feeder but said nothing could match up to the joy of "capturing the personalities and cheeky smiles" of people.

"We are never photographers because it pays the bills, we are photographers because we love it," she said.

Estelle noticed people talking about a project in America called "Doorstep portraits" and decided to emulate it in her own tiny village by posting on the Fawkham community Facebook page.

The response was simply overwhelming, she says, with so many people wanting to be photographed – mostly to document what the current time is like for their children.

It was this which was to serve as her main motivator throughout the period, she adds "for those kids to be able to turn around to their own kids and show them this is what it was like".

In return Estelle asked villagers for a £10 pledge to the NHS and has now amassed more than £500 thanks to various generous donations.

Adele Barker is the new priest-in-charge at Saint Marys Photo: Estelle Thompson Photography

She said: "So, I had photographed the village, the people that live here, the rocks and the rainbows.

"It is kind of my gift, to the village that I love, where both my home and my business is."

She recalls how even her husband became a hero in the village after dressing up as a Tyrannosaurus Rex and surprising a three-year-old boy from afar while having his birthday party in lockdown.

The photographer says the idea has since "spiralled" into a time capsule, with her being asked to bury a USB containing some of the doorstep portraits.

She even snapped the new priest Adele Barker who arrived at the local church St Marys in Longfield not long before lockdown.

"So much has changed," she said. "If you look back now the first photo had daffodils, now there is blue bells."

Estelle's husband dressed up as a dinosaur to celebrate neighbour Josh who was celebrating his third birthday in lockdown Photo: Estelle Thompson Photography

But even though she misses her family and friends Estelle says she is incredibly grateful for her village neighbours.

She added: "The community during this time has just been incredible –to have their experience to document."

David and Jemma Rannard of Click:Create Rannard's Photography and Design have been offering to take family portraits outside homes but also to record important events during lockdown.

David said: "The family photos have really taken off. It is a way for people to keep in touch during these terrible times.

"When we realised people were making the effort to stage VE Day parties at home we thought it could be a natural extension of what we do."

David and Jemma Rannard and daughter Eva of Click:Create at Iwade offering VE Day photos on your doorstep

Wife Jemma, a graphic designer, is usually on hand and the couple now have an apprentice in the shape of their nine-year-old daughter Eva.

The couple charge £20 for a 10-minute photo shoot and donate £5 to the NHS.

It’s an emotional pledge for the family who sadly lost a friend to Covid-19.

And while offers of work are now coming in from different parts of the county the couple say they are having to decline them.

He explained: "It really only started as a bit of a service to villagers in Iwade where we live. We have done a few in Sittingbourne but I didn't think it was right for us to travel too far.

"It really angers me when people don't take this situation seriously and ignore the advice we are being given. The more we all sacrifice now, the quicker it will be over."

Source: https://www.kentonline.co.uk/authors/sean-delaney/

#doorstep

0 notes

dramallamadingdang · 7 years

Text

Wee-plies...

Or, not-so-wee-plies, as the case may be...

For @mustluvcatz-reloaded, @penig, @didilysims, @kayleigh-83, @acquiresimoleons, @holleyberry, and @verakas...

mustluvcatz-reloaded replied to your post “Does anyone out there have this thing...”

She's been active on MTS recently - maybe try there? (Or if you did, just ignore me.)

I...think I did? I can’t remember! It was a while back. And since then I deleted all my in/outbox messages at MTS, so I can’t even check. And now I don’t want to look like I’m spamming her, in case I did message her there. :\ But, if sending out a WCIF doesn’t work, then maybe I will try there again, with apologies for possible spamming/stalking. Or, maybe it’ll be trying there for the first time. Middle-aged memory, yay. :P

penig replied to your photo “Ohhhhhh, I have a bad feeling about this…. (If it’s not clear, because...”

Good thing he got that "bonus," huh?

Yeah, between that and the ~20K he already had, he wasn’t totally up the creek. :) Which is kind a shame, because otherwise he could’ve become a homeless hippie for this lot. Plantsims would make good hippies, being “one with the earth” and all, and outdoor living suits them well, since they don’t do the too hot/cold thing and rain is good for them.

didilysims replied to your photo “Ohhhhhh, I have a bad feeling about this…. (If it’s not clear, because...”

Oh gosh, is that after one offence of being in a bad mood? Harsh! Well, at least he's jobless and homeless with 40K under his belt.

Y’know, I don’t really know. I know he probably went to work in similarly bad moods before, but I didn’t look at his job perform-o-meter to really know for sure if one instance of totally-red-on-the-job was enough to do it or if it was a few times in a row. But whatever the case...Yeah, his ass was fired. :)

didilysims replied to your photo “Meanwhile, Maddie Knight, town burglar and one of Sage’s paramours,...”

That's so cool with the car! Now I want to track down my burglars and peek into their stash.

I had always wondered if burglars kept the stuff they stole. I kinda remember reading that they did, but I wasn’t sure that I was remembering right. And I don’t usually make burglars playable; I’m just testing out the jail idea here for feasibility. But then I realized I could actually check...and there the car was. :) TS2 really does have some lovely details. :)

kayleigh-83 replied to your post “Where can I find the Random Occurrences thing??”

My random occurrence generator is a really low-tech, old-school version.... I have them hand written in the notebook I keep next to the computer for Simming, numbered (I have 28 at the moment), and I ask Siri to choose a random number between 1-28. Nice and easy, very little set up, and I don't have to minimize to roll. I don't use random occurrences all the time, only when I need to spice up a round for a particular family that may be a little boring!

I would probably do that, too, but since we move around quite a lot between three houses, possibly four in the relatively near future, I try to keep stuff I have to remember to take along when we move to a minimum. So, if I can put it on the computer as opposed to having to remember to take a notebook along, it’s good. Plus, this is really simple. Just...load the program, and there the options are. :) I don’t have to minimize because I play in a window anyway. Full-screen on this big monitor just looks weird, plus I can keep my tracking spreadsheets open side-by-side with the game.

acquiresimoleons replied to your photo “Meanwhile, Maddie Knight, town burglar and one of Sage’s paramours,...”

"What did you do with the car?!" "You will NEVER FIND IT BAWAHAHAHA!"

Heh. :) Geez, it’s a car, not a body. ;) Of course, Sims can apparently stick really big things up their asses, which makes possible all sorts of crime. ;)

holleyberry replied to your photo “Meanwhile, Maddie Knight, town burglar and one of Sage’s paramours,...”

I've never seen the Social Bunny in my game O_o

I only see it in certain situations. Like this one. A single Sim locked in a section of a lot where they have no interaction with anyone, a situation that pretty much doesn’t happen in my game otherwise, because even socially-isolated hermits I’ve played have all adopted a stray dog/cat (or five) for companionship. It’d be different if there were other inmates, of course, but so far...nope. Because no one’s in the Criminal career...yet. And no other burglars have been busted so far. At least, not since the police station has existed.

penig replied to your photo “Meanwhile, Maddie Knight, town burglar and one of Sage’s paramours,...”

That mirrors what happens to the teddy. Even Nice children will cuddle it, beat it up, then cuddle it again.

Yeah, but you can excuse toddlers and children from being completely nutso. Because they’re nutso by nature until they’re fully housebroken and civilized. A few days of social isolation shouldn’t make the average adult completely lose it. :) But yeah, the game has exaggerated behaviors and all that. It’s just bizarre to watch, is all.

holleyberry replied to your photo “I like to use the random occurrence thingy in single-Sim households...”

I've considered looking into that Random Event thing.

It’s kind of fun. I really do need to put together my own set of occurrences, though. With this one, I often have to “reroll” at least four or five times before I’ll get something I can do in my game in the sense that it conforms to my rules and all. I need to put some thought into that.

And it’d be nice to have some elder-specific occurrences, maybe even an entirely separate set just for them, since many of my single-Sim households are elder households, where the kids are gone and their partner has died and they haven’t chosen to remarry. Or can’t remarry, according to the rules for the neighborhood. Often, I’ll consolidate elders in retirement communities. Might be fun to do an ROS for each resident in that circumstance...

penig replied to your photo “While her daughter was busy failing at flirting, Gwen was at what will...”

But that tunic is perfect for yoga!

Maybe. But paired with those pants, she makes my eyes bleed. My bleeding eyes trump their fashion choices. :)

holleyberry replied to your photo “Nice, Mars. *eye roll* And he looks so happy doing it, too!”

At least it's outside.

Well, there is that, I suppose. I just feel bad for all the people who barge into the house who have to wade through an ocean of dog pee to get to the front door. :\

verakas replied to your photoset “This neighborhood is weird. The residential lots are 98% recycled from...”

I love it! It looks so clean and simple! And so maxis match, I love your style.

Thank you! :) Yeah, my game is kind of weird. I build sort of Maxis-match(ish), but my Sims are totally not Maxis-match and I have a fondness for Bodyshop stuff that’s currently out of favor. :) So, my game’s style is “Stuff What I Like.”

kayleigh-83 replied to your photo “Um…Nice outfit, Amelia! And hey! She rolled the Family aspiration!...”

I for one cannot WAIT to see who she ends up with. Call me sentimental but I'm rooting for the underdog (aka the fat unemployed mechanic)

We’ll see who she finds! She just went off to college in my playing. (Where I’m about a Sim-week ahead of what’s been posted.) Of course, there’s a question of how long she’ll stay in college... She doesn’t exactly have an academic personality.

acquiresimoleons replied to your photo “Um…Nice outfit, Amelia! And hey! She rolled the Family aspiration!...”

Lmao fat unemployed mechanic. She aims high, this one

Hey, fat unemployed mechanics need love, too! I just can’t help picturing a guy in a wifebeater and grungy boxers, sitting in a recliner watching TV and guzzling beer by the gallon and Cheetos by the bagful, while she sits staring at him with stars in her eyes, heartfarting like crazy. Makes me LMAO. :)

holleyberry replied to your photo “And it was another GilsCarbo Roof Raiser™ Most likely because it was a...”

Romance Sims. So "Easy".

That’s the thing, though! Sage is a Romance Sim, but Will is Popularity. And he’s the one who pushes the whole thing. I guess maybe it’s because Sage is familiar? Familiarity doesn’t always breed contempt. Of course it’s kind of weird(er), too, because Sage is in actuality much younger than Will, even though he “appears” older, because Sage was a plantbaby with their toddler-to-adult insta-grow. So...Yeah, weird. Yet, it amuses me. :)

holleyberry replied to your photo “Mars the wee puppy grew into Mars the great big hairy...”

That is an adorably fluffy dog

He is full of floof, slobber, and loooooooove. :)

#mustluvcatz-reloaded #penig #didilysims #kayleigh-83 #acquiresimoleons #holleyberry #verakas #replies

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shortywiththebuttons · 6 years

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This bouta be one long ass typo filled vent.

First and and foremost I just added HELLA people specifically People from my African diaspora on this. I’ve had it since high school so 2010 I’m in University now . nice to meet you all 🤷🏿‍♀️✊🏿😝 my name is Ro . I’m super open to conversation questions whatever.

I added mad people because I organize ,politically im no pro or anything,I don’t even know what I’m doing 1/2 the time I just do what’s in my heart and he’ll I guess every small step I make makes a difference.

I’m currently in the process of getting a sexual assault resource center built in Isla Vista California which is an unincorporated area behind the University of California Santa Barbara ...I want all contractors to be from marganilized backgrounds and ultimately I’m gonna have this project be a community collective.itll be a long term project and it’s currently in the beginning stages and the meetings are going well but given I attend a PWI I’d like outside support and more energy from my people to continuously push for this to be created . Scrolling my page you’ll kinda see the shit I’ve been dealing with and where this comes from. However I’m currently slowing down THIS video BELOW ...making it onger and more detailed

https://youtu.be/c-yKepzDwzY

But editing is depressing triggering and frustrating and I’m on some Kevin gates Aint shit gone make me sad today type stuff so it’s not going well. I currently just need to add audio to the lengthened version and I’ll be fine to share it.. But audio means watching it and choosing a song and perfect timing so yeah...I hate reliving the stuff .but eh I hope you like the video I’ll post the update ASAP . I actually move out of CA soon APRIL so it’ll be before I leave to embark on this random traveling experience I have planned 👌🏿🙆🏿‍♀️

My main goal socially is to be as real and open as possible up until around May 2017 I was mad timid to speak up but once the shit happened it just did .

(I was drugged and raped by someone who knew me and was invited over and nah he wasn’t white he was in our diaspora. Despite being on video drugging me ,admitting I wasn’t conscious during his acts and all this other sick shit that is in the video posted as well as the slowed down version...Santa Barbara did not TOUCH THIS SICK FUCK . Specifically he lived on the same street as the foot patrol and they never even went to question him . Never went over evidence so never caught the drugging I had to analyze my own evidence see my drugging send it in turn in all physical evidence myself because she never went to the crime scene and some more dumb shot . He’s on surveillance pushing me into my house because I can’t move and he’s also on surveillance attempting to touch me and I fight back . He admits I bit him in resistance and bleh I’m getting trigger ...well look they had all of this PLUS WAY MORE evidence and nothing 🤷🏿‍♀️ .. the gag is until I had a sit in months after my rape we FINALLY got a sexual assault detective on Isla Vista ..THIS MEANS WE NEVER HAD ONE THEREFORE THE PERSON WHO WAS ON MY CASE WAS NOT A DETECTIVE TRAINED IN SEXUAL ASSAULTS. That’s why he did shit ass backwards and didn’t get evidence or blah blah . He did a pretext for a confession and still didn’t make an arrest or attempt to question this rapist . So I had to go public . 😒

The system did me even grimier and in addition so did the African men I spent a lot of my time around before this incident who just happened to be the idiot rapists housemates . The story is actually pretty sick.

Like niggas was like” we weren’t really friends like that “ “you just met is” and some more shit ,but drove or rode in my car got they hair done by me niggas cooked together went wherever niggas dead ass all ran together the only difference was I’m a female and I was the one who was drugged and raped . Lol I knew that house a good 5 months . And when you serving 4 years in college that’s a long time especially when y’all all seeing one another tops 5 days a week . But it’s cool lol I swear that shit happened and fucked my mind up for a while . Until I got over the fact that Im a protector , I’m used to protecting people . Even after being raped I tried to protect this individual from the system but seeing myself be drugged in my house as someone sickly plots and has all the sickest reasons as to why ..

I had Inglewood out there and we ain’t lay a finger on ANYONE and EVERYONE WAS HOME and available but I wasn’t trying to see anything happen .protector ...some call it dumb ... but honestly any reaction that would’ve deviated from what I did up to now would chance my current circumstance ...and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fine RN. 🤷🏿‍♀️ ptsd depression here and there but honestly IVE BEEN KICKINGASS , saving and changing lives as well as I don’t have any fuck people around me . It’s so easy for me to cut people off now and keep people I feel ANY KINDOF way about away from me ...and I’m more open basically I PROTECT ME MORE AND ...that’s what’s great for me ...so I needed it all to get where I am so eh.

A: I don’t forgive or have any care for the person who drugged and raped me . That’s the only place I didn’t grow . People say I should work on that ...I literally have dreams of killing him though so eh🤷🏿‍♀️ it’s the whole premeditated buying a drug putting it in a drink and handing it to me at the specific time I was distracted and the entire plot really . Walking me in public drugged to make you seem like a saviors and saying you noticed it hit 😒 staying after raping me , like moving my body from a living room to my room like dragging me or whatever the fuck you dieting afterward and only moving after I post the video publicly like you really wanted to live your life regular as a rapist after attempting to ruin mine . In all honesty as you said your first thought was you thought the drug was going to alter my feeling for you and make me like you ..it only knocked me unconscious and inhabited my brain from having any memory and you stilllllll decided to be sick . .

-the best thing for me is I have no memory of being raped , I don’t even have a memory of me leaving the house only waking up and asking all the questions I had getting the answers I needed and reporting so that’s why I’m so open about it ....it hits a sensitive spot as far as anger and disgust but I would literally be dead if I was conscious or aware of the encounter .

Alll of that I added in the end it was the vent I guess .)

and yeah . Whatever so socially I’m tryna educate Africans not to feel obligated to be a savior but to look out when shit like this happens. Because not reacting not doing anything and really any thing else

I never asked anyone to pick sides , never asked anyone for help. But acting like you ain’t know someone you seen on a daily and being fearful or whatever it’s not and never was that deep. I don’t see how anyone has a mother and can let or be aiight with shit like this happeneing and not be proactive .

But I’m alive you’ll see from my blog that worse shit has happened since then and even before . so I focus my pain elsewhere and my energy into activism and advocacy. Shit no one handed to me when I needed t most ✊🏿☝🏿

http://endrapeoncampus.org/centering-the-margins

Here’s my story

http://www.theburningspear.com/2017/12/RoShawndra-VS-the-University-of-California-Santa-Barbara

It’s also more stories about whatever white people wanna say about me in Santa Barbara newspapers and my case and what I’m doing , but this is the one I approve of because it was written in the Burning spear and this is such a monumental and important news paper in our community so yeah.✊🏿❤️ I really love US.

Periodically I post videos call campaigns calls to join political organizations (that are grassroot orgs and funded by our people) and yeah that’s basically my public professional appeal. I use a lot of profanity idk why but yeah I curse like a sailor I was introduced to grown folk conversations at a young age cursing was apart of my male dominated upbringing so 🤷🏿‍♀️ shiiiit I just curse a lot from time to time .

I’m a member of the African National Women’s org. Or ANWO and we’re an organization that was created by request less than half a decade ago to bring African women into the political atmosphere. Our one goal is FREEDOM . UHURU to any comrades or future comrades reading this , I hope in your daily struggles you see the symptoms of colonialism and mobilize to dismantle this colonial system .

I have NOT AND DONT PLAN on watching black panther . It’s not apart of my agenda rn but If my job requires me to take my residents to the movies it’ll probably happen ...I’ll get to the job stuff later. . Basically from my current understanding the villain in the film had “political views” similar to Malcolm or Huey or Marcus Garvey and it should be known by us ALL THAT THESE MEN WERE ONLY AEEN AS VILLIANS HISTORICALLY BY WHITE SUPREMACIST AND COLONIZERS AS WELL AS THOSE COLONIZED PEOPLE WHO REFUSED TO RESIST ...so I’m not spending a dry penny or sitting in a theatre to watch some bull shit . Wakanda must fall dear . THERE is no freedom in a colonial system and we can’t move with our colonizers PERIOD. We have been tricked throughout history into being complacent and waiting on an European created GOD to come save us and give us our Paradise in death. Therefore we accept what we shouldn’t and given I’m not about to be apart of that complacent movement ...(ps I’m a religious studies major) I decide I’m going to struggle and win. Period ✊🏿

https://youtu.be/LIQioGRD1Sw

White folks need to pay reparations so yeah share this link also if you don’t mind

https://www.uhurusolidarity.org/

White solidarity with black power 💕

Some talks/events I’ve participated in or held

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPFDFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MWRqeFhkZ2RiUEx4WpjQiVNCw8SGGbKJP7IkRiwM1SuoQnT-Oar94sFnraqo

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPjzFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MVJER2xuVkVhbWd4TBAgTafg3086N-ST4efXtgBbzFU6VOSI9yuHJ4V1dmE8

https://www.pscp.tv/w/bVfPzTFQWEVkbWVCWU9iUWV8MW5BS0VXblZNUmxKTClihPl8eVewKBG7TwSC2FcIZkc0BiJcYgkAkLrQX_7Z

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dentalrecordsmusic · 3 years

Text

Welcome Change, Goodbye Gravity: The Morning Of’s Debut EP Turned 15 This Week, ft. Lyricist + Bassist Abir Hossain

Words by Catherine Dempsey

Photo by Alexander Yerks, 2007

2005 was a glorious time, mostly because of the dawn of social media. MySpace wasn’t simply a fantastic way to learn HTML coding and adjust your Top 8 -- in 2005, MySpace was music discovery before “music discovery” became a buzz word. At 14, I was keen on picking a song for my profile that would capture my general emotional state for the week, and most of the songs in my repertoire were in the realm of pop-punk and indie. It was so easy to go to one band’s page, peer at their Top 8, and click on another band that you would most likely fall in love with. Sometimes there would be a link to an online store to buy records and merch, but people like me would just go to a show for that (or wait for Bamboozle or Warped Tour to roll through town).

My first ever local show experience was on December 16, 2006 at The Ritz Theater in Newburgh NY with The Morning Of and Always Rushing By performing (it would be the latter’s final show). The “Save The Ritz!” event was a fundraising benefit for the venue itself, which was at risk of closing permanently. I made my mom drive over an hour to get us there from our home in Eastchester, NY and she was more than happy to do it; her father did the same thing for her when she was 14 and obsessed with The Rolling Stones.

I don’t remember the exact moment I discovered The Morning Of, but I do remember their first song I added to my profile: “A Barrel Tapped At Both Ends.” A love letter to the state of New Jersey, “A Barrel...” is soft and loud, with a magnificent build up in the intro to super-catchy verses. The lyric, “I'd give a life to get washed up on that piece of cold atlanticism and the enthusiasm your inhabitants reside... oh they make me want to dance!,” made me want to dance. And dance I did.

It’s safe to say that I kept dancing through middle and high school. And it was around then when I decided I wanted to become a part of the ever-mysterious music industry. This might be a bold statement to make, but I don’t think I would have cared to be a part of the industry if it wasn’t for the existence of The Morning Of. They were that influential. that moving, that awe-inspiring that I knew I needed a scene that was my own, just like TMO had crafted around themselves.

The Morning Of was technically a high school band, which blows my mind to this day when I consider just how well-composed their early work is. For the most part, the crux of each song on Welcome Change, Goodbye Gravity were written by Abir Hossain on bass, Chris Petrosino on keys, and Rob McCurdy on guitar. Fleshed out in Chris’ parents’ basement in Newburgh NY, the songs were written during the summer after Abir’s tenth grade and through eleventh grade. “I went to poetry camp one time,” Hossain says. “I think a lot of the one liners started from that, and then I developed them lyrically into songs.”

In the Fall of that year, Petrosino and McCurdy wrote the instrumentals. Hossain said he has memories of playing a show with The Wonder Years and hearing people react to a song like “The Dreamer and The Realist” as something that needed to be on the EP. To put it in perspective, Hossain and Petrosino were seniors in high school when Welcome Change... was released, and McCurdy was a junior. While Petrosino and McCurdy were fleshing out the music, Hossain and then-singer James would work on the melody and lyrics to figure out what would work melodically.

Hossain recalls getting kids to attend the band’s shows by actually driving them there. Always a personable guy, he saw it not only as a way to have bodies in the venue, but to build community around the band. Newburgh, the band’s hometown, wasn’t simply where The Morning Of was based, but it was a huge influence in the way the town was romanticized on the record. “I have vivid memories of skipping school to go record with John Naclerio [of Nada Studios, producer of My Chemical Romance’s debut album] so that was a real thing,” Hossain says.” Even being a band from the Hudson Valley, Hossain felt like they had a different fanbase in Newburgh than they did in Poughkeepsie. The Newburgh fans, Hossain says, were The Morning Of fans, while the kids in Poughkeepsie were simply music fans.

“The Dreamer and The Realist” is written based on teachers having conversations with Hossain’s parents about how he was focusing on music more than his education. “I feel like it’s the only song I can comfortably relate to now,” Hossain says. “In terms of an adult, because it’s an experience that’s easy for me to still feel that, as opposed to songs you write about girls - and I’ve been married for a while now. You think about relationships and stuff when you’re that young and they don’t really make sense to you but [”The Dreamer...”] being a real thing that I can look back and relate to.”

While Welcome Change, Goodbye Gravity isn’t a concept record, the themes of the record are similar tie-ins to feelings one would have throughout high school. It’s balanced with how Hossain and James were able to piece things together lyrically and melodically. The original version of the EP did not include two particular songs: “Grey Turning...” and “Turquoise and Lavender” but were later added as Japan-exclusive tracks for a label then. When the band later on signed with Tragic Hero Records, they re-released the EP with the two songs included in the official tracklist.

The Morning Of had played so many shows around the time of the release of Welcome Change... and taken the touring part so seriously, but they were just the right age that they used the internet a lot. “I would treat MySpace almost like a full-time job,” Hossain says. “I would sit there just messaging kids left and right from other bands that I thought their fans would appreciate us. Really personalized messages, just writing and I remember there were times when Chris and Rob and I would sit in my parents’ house on like, 56k internet for 8 hours and saying, ‘If this is what we want to do with our lives, we have to put the work in.’ We were writing message after message to people just asking them to check our music out.” For the kids out there who weren’t around for the MySpace era of the internet, this was essentially modern-day public relations.

Hossain looks back on this EP as his first music business learning experience. Which is fully justified when you consider that he is currently the Vice President at Quadio, a music tech startup that is a social networking site for college creatives with a record label that was launched in partnership with Sony. At this point, he’s been working in the industry for about a decade and says he “learned how to press an EP, got it sold online through a retailer” and that was his first learning process of roll out. Before joining Quadio, Hossain worked in A&R at various other labels. Chris Petrosino and Rob McCurdy are both currently producers signed with Warner/Chappell and they’re responsible for a ton of great songs.

Despite all the time that has passed, I still hold Welcome Change, Goodbye Gravity so close to my heart. It established my love for the baby bands of the world, and it pushed me to want to become a helpful hand in the music industry, whether it was through publicity or journalism. As both a dreamer and a realist, it’s safe to say that I still have hope that music, as small-town and back woods as it can be, always has a chance to shine under the right circumstances. Maybe we’ve moved through the golden age of music discovery, but I have a feeling there is something even more profound on the horizon. Welcome change, goodbye gravity.

Catherine Dempsey is a writer.

#the morning of #abir hossain #welcome change goodbye gravity #the morning of band #new york #feature #catherine dempsey #newburgh ny #always rushing by #the ritz theater

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aikasjournal · 4 years

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April 7, 2020

- Talking to him on the phone. He was always my one-phone-call-away, and we could actually talk on the phone for hours, mostly about politics, stuff we saw on TV, our neighbors, our neighbors and acquaintances who recently died, my travels, my travel plans, my sisters, what he ate for lunch, what I had for dinner, our health issues, almost everything. Even during my heartbreaks, I could count on him to listen to me whine about the most cringeworthy stuff.

- Papa cooking for me. He was a great cook. Growing up, mama was our resident chef (she’s the best of the best), but when papa started to live by himself, he learned how to cook, and he’s a testament that you can actually improve your cooking skills at any age. His tinolang isda was simply the best — not too salty, not too aggressive, just the perfect amount of clean, fresh soup that highlights the best of the fish and lemongrass. I learned how to cook my all-time favorite dish —dry adobo— from him, too. I remember how he walked me through cooking adobo, step by step, which, by then, I realized just how easy it was and just how lazy I was not to have learned it sooner. He cooks the best grilled fish and kinilaw, too. I will miss our quiet meals together whenever I’m home. We were the best partners because he loves to cook, and I love to clean up the kitchen afterward. We could actually live comfortably together, so long as we don’t talk about gay rights. Ha! - He was my calmness guru, or just my first teacher ever. Growing up, I looked up to papa a lot. He was well-read (and supported my love for reading). He was brilliant in Math. He knew a lot about World Wars and the British monarchs. He wrote perfect-English palanca letters (and excuse letters, where I learned just how classy “Respectfully yours” sounds as a closing line). He was my first Wikipedia if there ever was one. Most importantly, he was incredibly patient in each of these subjects, always willing to answer my stupid questions and even more willing to expound. - He knew just what to say and what I needed to hear. Because of his calm demeanor (papa was a very patient, slow-burn person), I could always count on him to calm my nerves or talk some sense into most of my frenzy and my high strung tendencies. - That being said, papa and I shared similar personality traits — a little neurotic with a lot of nerves and addictive inclinations. When I was in the process of quitting smoking, I learned a lot about papa and his early adulthood, how we shared similar vices. Both smokers. Both very social. He also experienced panic attacks during his college years. He shared his experience with me and always reminded me that when faced with anxiety, I should learn to loosen my grip, to let go. Time and time again, he never got tired of being there for me when my anxiety peaks. I remember his words, perfectly describing my fears, "Kung paminaw nimo mura na kag mamatay, isipa nalang eh di mamatay gud." (That sounds crass right now lol.) At that time, I was just so grateful to have someone on my side who actually understood how I felt. Now I’m even more thankful that my father could be so generous of his patience and understanding throughout all those times. I would even call him in the wee hours of the morning whenever my panic attacks set in. He would stay on the phone and slowly but surely distract me. Goddamit, I don’t know what I’d do without his calming presence. - I miss our squabbles. Papa and I were obviously very close, which means we had our very own kind of relationship. It wasn’t perfect, of course. I would irritate the hell out of him, just as much as he would annoy the hell out of me too. In his later years, he had become such a hoarder and I would always make fun of all the plastic cellophane bags he collected at home. I would ask if he had plans to sell some of these cellophane bags in the market himself. And since I’m an obsessive cleaner, I would give him grief about the state of our home in Tabon. To his dismay, I’d clean up the house, making it hard for him to locate his personal things, either I threw some of them away or I hid the crap out of them. But we always made up in the end because his patience rivaled that of a saint. He seldom loses his temper (but when he does you know it’s the shit). He knows me and thus knows I’m the exact opposite — easily angered, easily forgets. How I’ll miss having this one person who knows me so very well and loved me so unconditionally. - I will miss his take on politics. If there’s one thing papa was very acutely interested in, it would be the state of politics, particularly Philippine politics. I always respected his opinion. He knew his stuff. He was fair in his thoughts, always concerned about the less fortunate, always critical (with great, great knowledge) of political goings and current events. He would give me grief on how apathetic I was, reminding me always that social awareness is a duty and a mark of an outstanding citizen, and that to turn a blind eye was not just unbecoming but irresponsible. I always, always respected his politics. - I will miss him. Just him. His soft, garbled voice. His quiet presence. His homey smell. His restrained, almost in pain smile. His kind eyes that look exactly like mine. His wisdom. His compassion. His intelligence. His intense love for the barbaric art of boxing and martial arts. His old, depressing, romantic music. His loafers. His well-ironed pants. His generosity. His never-ending support. His concern for my well-being. Our Christmas traditions. Our days in the market together. How he would unselfishly give me his share of durian. How he would care for me when I’m sick, when I’m away. How much he loved my sisters and I, individually, collectively, unconditionally.

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biofunmy · 4 years

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Sharing a Room in Bedford-Stuyvesant and Making New Friends

Though Craigslist and Facebook have been the go-to places to find a room share for years, Kira Hooks, a 26-year-old musician who moved to the city from Nashville this August, quickly ruled out them out.

“Broker fees are crazy here and all the qualifications you have to go through are really hard,” said Ms. Hooks, who was also conducting her housing search remotely from Tennessee and had to rely on FaceTime to meet people and tour spaces.

Instead, she opted for a co-living apartment in Bedford-Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, run by Outpost Club, a company that has 17 locations in New York and — crucially — shared bedrooms that brought the cost of co-living into an affordable range for her. Ms. Hooks pays $1,090 a month for her room, on top of a one-time membership fee of $690.

Co-living, wherein vetted tenants rent space in all-inclusive furnished apartments in co-living “houses” or apartment buildings, has become increasingly popular in recent years, due in part to the difficulty many newcomers have in navigating the city’s complicated rental market. But as the rent for a room with everything from internet to basic cooking supplies and weekly housekeeping bundled in can be steep, some co-living purveyors have started offering shared dorm-style rooms with twin beds. Outpost Club even offers triples in some of its locations.

$1,090 | Bedford-Stuyvesant

Kira Hooks, 26

Occupation: Musician. She also teaches at the School of Rock in the Whitestone section of Queens and does social media work for Food For All, an app that aims to reduce food waste. What her rent includes: Wi-Fi, furniture, olive oil, coffee, cups, hair dryers and paper towels, among other basics; Ms. Hooks also paid a one-time membership fee of $690. How big the “house” is: 17 bedrooms spread across six apartments. The guest policy: Residents can have guests between 10 a.m. and 10 p.m. and out-of-town guests can stay free of charge for up to a week each month in open beds in other apartments. Overnight guests require at least a week’s notice. There is no couch crashing. Her decorative touches: A string of Christmas lights and some New York-themed throw pillows. She hopes to keep things minimal in her next apartment, too. “I think in New York, the more stuff that requires maintenance, the less convenient it is. I want to make sure it’s just enough to make it feel like home.”

“I had been looking at communal living options,” said Ms. Hooks, who is a singer and songwriter and also teaches at School of Rock in the Whitestone section of Queens and does social media work for Food For All, an app that aims to reduce food waste. “I thought it would be nice to have a sense of community.”

“I also wanted something pretty decent, clean. I love the fact that a cleaner comes once a week here,” she added. “And transitional. My partner is moving to New York from Nashville in January, at which point we’ll start looking for a place with other friends.” (Ms. Hooks’s boyfriend and her other friends are also musicians.)

As for sharing a bedroom with a stranger? “It was nerve wracking for sure,” she admitted. “I was worried: I am a musician. What if I come home late? Is everyone going to be O.K. with that? But I’m pretty good with people in general — it takes a lot for me to get riled up — and every roommate I’ve had has been wonderful.”

Since moving into a three-bedroom apartment this August, Ms. Hooks has had three bedroom-mates. One of the appeals of co-living is flexible lease terms that can be as short as 30 days. The downside, at least for those who like their roommates, is high turnover. Her most recent roommate, a Brazilian event planner here for three months to practice her English and take a bartending class, arrived this November.

In addition to Ms. Hooks’ shared bedroom, the apartment also has two single rooms — which rent for about $1,700 each, depending on length of stay and level of membership — and each bedroom has an en-suite bath. One of the occupants, Kari Lebby, a 29-year-old South Carolinian who moved to New York to attend a program for directing at the New School this summer, is, like Ms. Hooks, a longer-term fixture, having lived there since August, but is planning to start looking for a studio or one-bedroom at the end of the fall semester.

Anthony Nickele, a 26-year-old traveling nurse, occupies the other room. He’s lived in the apartment since November, when a pipe burst in his bedroom upstairs, forcing him to switch rooms.

“I didn’t mind moving down because everyone in the apartment was kind of familiar,” said Mr. Nickele, who came to New York in September and is leaving this January to take a different assignment in California. “It’s a little transient, but I needed someplace flexible and it’s a good space. You know it’s clean. Probably the best thing is that making friends is so effortless.”

Gracila Coutinho, the Brazilian housemate, said that initially, she’d looked for a sublet on Craigslist and Facebook, but had trouble finding situations where chatting with roommates would be welcome. “Everyone was like, ‘I work a lot and when I come home I don’t want to talk to anyone. We don’t drink wine together, we don’t do Thanksgiving together.’ ”

Ms. Hooks was born in Houston, but her father’s work — he was in oil — took the family to the Netherlands, Scotland, China and a number of other countries.

She attended college in Los Angeles before moving to Nashville. New York, she said, felt very much like home, filled with people from all over the world forging connections.

“I always wanted to come to New York,” said Ms. Hooks, who describes her music as a mix of soul and jazz. “For a musician, it was the last in the trifecta.”

In January, Ms. Hooks said she hopes to find a cheaper apartment nearby that can double as a practice space for four musicians. “I’m in a phase of my life where I like the feeling of making a home and I want to be in New York for a longer time,” she said.

But though six months may be a relatively brief stay, Ms. Hooks, like her housemates, said she appreciated the comfortable, companionable atmosphere that co-living provided. Adjusting to life in New York can be challenge, and it’s nice to be surrounded by a bunch of other people who are also figuring out the M.T.A, discovering the delights of late-night bodega food and learning where to buy basics like tissues without spending a fortune. “There’s this camaraderie of ‘This is such a crazy town,’ ” said Ms. Hooks.

“In the beginning New York felt really lonely,” she added. “But it helps that we’re all going through this first little bit of transitioning into New York from slower-paced lives.”

Sahred From Source link Real Estate

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akxyaptn-blog · 5 years

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blkwidowsweb · 5 years

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A Conversation with Chosen Few Guest DJ, Mickey Calvin

Mickey Calvin, a Chicago native began his love for music as a collector at a young age. While he was still a club kid himself, not really intending on being in front of an audience; he began DJing as a hobby. With great influences like his dad – who bought him his first set of “12’s” and the support of his friends Jamil Monley, Scooter B, Eric Jones and Cody Shorter who taught him the craft of Djing; Mickey finally decided it was time to test his skills before live audiences.

Like most DJs in the 80’s and early 90’s, Mickey began to refine his sound by spinning at old school ‘house’ parties and opening in clubs for other House DJs. He’s played alongside some very notable DJs.

He started doing events on a larger scale with promoter Marvin Terry and with the Help of George Jackson, He ended up doing venues such as Medinah Temple, The Armory and various other cool ‘house’ music party’s. DJ Mickey Calvin was in demand enough to establish an opening residency, with the help of his Mentor DJ LiL John at the hottest ‘house’ music club in Chicago - “Red Dog” from 2000 until 2003 (now closed) on North Avenue. In 2004-2009 relocating to Nashville, TN Mickey connected to a small house scene and started doing a summer event called The Tea Dance, and also House Music Nashville. In his time there he also started doing an internet show on Pressure Radio that was based out of the UK. 2012 came fast and DJ Mickey Calvin teamed up with DJ/Producer Deejay Alicia in the creation and launch of MAC Productions. Together they started a weekly Thursday Residence at the Licorice Lounge on the Southside of Chicago.

In 2014 he extended his branches a little further and became a partner with the tee shirt company “It's House Baby/U'Memba dat with Mace and Tim who started out in 2007 with a simple idea, to have a tee shirt that represented our love for House Music and the culture we were raised in. The same year he also was asked by Steve Silk Hurley and Shannon “DJ Skip” Syas of S&S Chicago to edit songs on the forthcoming The Chicago LP. In 2015 DJ Mickey Calvin partnered with Devo Entertainment to form House Music Monday at The Family Den which is still one of the hottest ‘house’ music parties running on a Monday night on the Southside of Chicago. 2015 also marks the year that Mickey became a member of FREE UR SOUL in Atlanta where he participated in the Atlanta Weekender and the parties surrounding noted ‘House in the Park’.

In 2016 he developed Mickcal Entertainment and was invited by Farley “Jackmaster Funk to play at the 35th year Anniversary Festival of the legendary Hot Mix 5 DJ’s and repeated that event the following year. In 2018 he partnered with (Lady Alicia, DJ LIL John, and Renee Sonya to form M.A.J.R. Moves Chicago where the four friends decided to grow their friendship into a more social yet productive level. In this same year DJ Mickey Calvin also served as a guest DJ at the Phoenix House Fest in Arizona.

This year has been an incredible year for Mickey Calvin as he released his first E.P. ON Campo Alegre Productions and was chosen to play the 2019 Chosen Few Picnic & Festival.

I had a chance to talk to Mickey about his career and his thoughts on playing this year’s Festival and Picnic.

Black Widow: What was your introduction to House Music and what made you want to become a DJ?

Mickey Calvin: I was introduced to house music in high school. I loved the music and was in a dance crew. I started collecting music and hooked up with a few friends who taught me the art of DJing. I learned about BPMs and how to mix and how to know your music. It really just grew from there.

Black Widow: When did you know DJing was more than a hobby?

Mickey Calvin: Initially when I started to DJ it was really just for me. I wanted to make mixes for myself that I could take with me and listen to. I would be creating mixes at home and some people, who later became friends, would knock on my door and ask who’s that playing? From there people would ask me to DJ their parties. I started doing parties around the neighborhood. From there I would do high school and college parties and it eventually led to me DJing in clubs.

Black Widow: What would you consider to be the key to longevity in this scene, especially in Chicago, where the market is so saturated?

Mickey Calvin: I think putting my time in, studying my music and my craft has really been the key. When I first started, I would practice almost 5 hours a day. I still practice now. I think acquiring good music, keeping your ears to the street and knowing what’s going on in the scene all help. I really think there aren’t any bad DJs…

Black Widow: Really?

Mickey Calvin: Yeah, I say that because when I go hear another DJ play, I’m always learning. I’m either learning what to do or what not to do.

Black Widow: So even when they are bad, you still take something away from their set, you are always observing and learning from other DJs?

Mickey Calvin: Absolutely! Yes!

Black Widow: Over the years, you’ve had different residencies. You are currently a resident at House Music Fridays, and House Music Mondays. What are some of the lessons you’ve learned as a resident DJ?

Mickey Calvin: Pick the place you want to have your residency carefully, talk to the owner, go in on different nights and see what they do. If you start something you want it to last and it won’t if you don’t know the crowd and how they may vary on different nights. You also have to have a dope team. It has to be like a family. Everyone has to be on the same page, the bar staff, the security…everyone. Honestly, everyone on the team should like house music because if they don’t, your patrons can see and feel that energy. You don’t want that. When people come to an event and see your bouncer bopping his head and your bartenders feeling the music, it helps create the atmosphere for a great party.

Black Widow: it’s more than having a great place and DJ…

Mickey Calvin: Right, because that’s what makes or breaks an event. People come to feel connected and when the team feels like family, that energy translates throughout the party. That’s part of the experience. The customer service, the atmosphere…that’s what we are selling. If you don’t have that, people are going to stop coming. It’s a complete experience. You can have the best music on the planet but if the atmosphere sucks, people won’t care. They can’t focus on the music because everything else is messed up. Each piece is an essential.

Black Widow: When did you decide you wanted to stretch into production?

Mickey Calvin: Most DJs want to make their dance floor different so I started doing edits. From there I started to try to create stuff on my own. I started with remixes and would remix my own remix.

Black Widow: What would be some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned throughout your career?

Mickey Calvin: I spend time worrying about craft. My focus is always on how I can be better next year. Whether it’s marketing and promotion, DJing, my musical selections, I’m always focused on being better. I don’t like to spend a lot of time focusing on the past or the negative. I don’t like to look back. I look at it like this, if I’m a conductor on a train, I’m not looking back to see where I’m going. I’m looking forward to what’s coming ahead.

Black Widow: Onward and Upward…

Mickey Calvin: Yes…always.

Black Widow: how did it feel to get the call to play the Chosen Few Festival and picnic?

Mickey Calvin: WOW! It felt amazing. Wayne called me on a Friday. He was so casual. He said I’m just checking to see if you are busy July 6th. I’m having an event, I want to you participate in. It was so funny because it hadn’t clicked yet. I remember saying well yeah, I think so. I actually thought they selected DJs for the picnic already so I thought he was asking me to play a pre or post party. When he said he wanted me to play the picnic, I got quiet at first. [Laughter] then I was like OMG! I’m available!

It was quite overwhelming, humbling. That was the best call I’ve received this year. It’s just so amazing. It means so much. Playing the picnic feels like I’m accepted by my city, the birthplace of this genre, the mecca. It’s such an honor. We have so many talented DJs in Chicago so to be mentioned, looked at, selected or Chosen it’s an honor and a humbling experience.

It means what I’m doing matters to somebody, people noticed what I’ve been doing over the years.

Black Widow: Like a validation…

Mickey Calvin: Yes, exactly

Black Widow: So what are you looking forward to the most at the festival?

Mickey Calvin: I can’t wait to play the first record because that’s the hardest part. That first record sets the tone.

Black Widow: Have you given thought of the direction you want to go?

Mickey Calvin: I have some songs but it’s probably going to be more of freestyle because when you play events like this it’s really can change. When I see the people, when I feel that energy, I’ll know exactly what I want to do. It’s about feeling the vibe when I get there.

Black Widow: Well I cannot wait to hear you play. You know I’ll be there from sunup to sundown…

Mickey Calvin: RIGHT! You know how we do! We are Chosen Few Professionals! [Laughter]

Black Widow: Indeed! [Laughter] We will definitely celebrate after your set. I’m excited for you!

Mickey Calvin: Thank you so much! I’m excited too. It’s going to be great!!!

In addition to this year’s Chosen Few Festival, You can catch Mickey Calvin each and every Monday at the Family Den and on Friday nights at VIP Bar & Grill and on the following social media sites:

Instagram.com/djmickeycalvin

Twitter.com/djmickeycalvin

Mixcloud: https://www.mixcloud.com/djmickeycalvin/

Facebook.com/djmickeycalvin

Djmickeycalvin.com

Until next time, See you at the Chosen Few Festival and Picnic July 6th!!!

-Black Widow

#BlackWidowsWeb #BlkWidowsweb #musicBlogger #ChosenFewDJs #ChosenFewPicnic #ChosenFewFestival #MickeyCalvin

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