I am deep in all of the feels over this book. At different turns this book has had me crying over a single line of dialogue and at others it’s made me want to fling it across the room for an entire chapter. I’m still trying to process everything that I read, so I hope this review comes out okay.

I really liked Wallace as a main character, but he was a total asshole at the start of this book. I loved that by the time we get to the end of the story he had learned from his past to make a better future. Hugo was such a sweetheart and he really deserves all of the hugs and warm tea. And I can’t forget Mei, Nelson, and Apollo! They got up to the best shenanigans. I also really loved that this book didn’t shy away from hard topics. And that it dealt with them in a genuinely kind way, especially Cameron’s storyline. I think the only draw back to this book is that it was really slow paced. But I think it also worked for this type of storytelling.

This is one of those books that will stick with me long after I’ve finished it. This book deals with grief in a different way then any other that I’ve read and it hit home in ways that I wasn’t really ready for. But it was also something that I think I really needed and for that I have to thank TJ Klune. Under The Whispering Door is getting a four and half out of five stars.

Edit: I forgot my reading challenge prompts again! 🤦‍♀️

Reading challenge prompt fills:

PopSugar 2022: a book about the afterlife

Pet Names, Double Dates and Other Fiascos

READ PLATONICALLY

Request:  SECOND ARO FIC OH MY GOD !!!! maybe them getting a lil dirty and ben really does a number on reader, so he takes her to mcdonalds or sumn and the waiter says something along the lines of “you’re such a cute couple!” and reader gets really uncomfortable with it maybe??? and ben being taking her home and cuddling her PLATONICALLY and he’s like “it’s ok we don’t need to let anyone else’s opinions affect us”

Pairing: Aromantic!Fem!Reader x Ben Hardy

Summary:  It's (nearly) all fun and games until someone assumes your relationship is romantic.

Warnings: Smut, kitchen sex, floor sex, oral sex (f receiving), a mild hint at choking, vaguely dom!Ben but not intentionally lmao, discussions of aromanticism and queerplatonic relationships, not as dialogue heavy as the first part though. 

Words: 7, 264

A/N: Happy Arospec Awareness Week!! Big thanks to the anon who sent in that request when I asked for ideas for future chapters. I put a little bit of a twist on your idea but it’s fundamentally the same. Also the last scene is one that I’ve been thinking about for literal months now and I finally managed to fit it into a fic! 

As always, if you’re curious about anything to do with aromanticism I am very happy to talk about it and answer questions! 

Taglist:  @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama​ @deakyclicks​ @jennyggggrrr​ @drowseoftaylor​ @hannafuckingsucks​ @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​ @queenmylovely​ @ilovequeenmorethanyou​ @johndeaconshands​ @borhapbois​ @stardust-galaxies​ @cherries-n-rocknroll​ @scorpiogemini

The day had started off well. You woke with Ben tucked up under your arm, his legs curled up towards his chest since you’d stole the covers as you’d slept. Your face was pressed against the back of his neck and you felt him shift as you sighed sleepily and tried to keep from waking. Squeezing your eyes shut and pretending you hadn’t stirred must have worked because the next thing you knew was waking up to an empty bed and tinkly tapping sounds from somewhere else in the apartment. Groggily you shuffled out from the inviting comfort of the mattress, stretched, and pulled down the hem of the shirt you’d slept in to better cover your otherwise bare thighs before following the noises. You found Ben, still in his pyjamas (well, his boxer briefs) in the kitchen, dropping a couple of toasted waffles onto a plate, humming to himself.

“That for me?” you asked, stifling a yawn. “It can be,” he said, passing the plate to you with a quick kiss on your cheek, “There’s some cut up fruit and the maple syrup out on the coffee table and there’s coffee brewing over there,” “Thanks Benny,” “You’re welcome, Puddin’,” “Puddin’?” “I thought it was cute,” “Very cute.” You laughed as you reached for your coffee, unable to help but smile as you left the room. The first few months of your partnership had taken some adjusting and one thing Ben had decided he would do to make you both feel more at home with the dynamic was to come up with some non-romantic based terms of endearment for you. You’d vetoed things like baby and honey straight away, all of them a little too heavily skewed towards romance, or just reminders of past relationships you’d tried to force yourself into, for you to enjoy them. But, as Ben had said, he liked a good pet name, and he’d seemingly been determined to prove as much, constantly coming up with new things to call you. You, never really one for pet names anyway, mostly stuck with Benny or Benjamin if the situation called for something longer but you had a few other go-tos – things like Pet and Blondie as signs of affection, or Handsome and Tiger when you wanted to make him blush.

A few minutes later Ben joined you on the couch, placing his coffee down beside yours, almost spilling it as he watched the news story that was playing. “Remember we’ve got that double date with Jill and Martin this afternoon,” you said, the memory only just coming to you yourself. “Yeah, what time was that?” “Hang on, I’ll check the chat.” You scrolled through the messages on your phone with one hand while you ate with the other, “uhhh right, yeah, meeting at the bowling alley at 1.30.” “Bowling? Good, better than another shitty movie,” You laughed, “hey the last one they picked wasn’t too bad.” “Yeah I know, just not in the mood for it since I’ve been on set all week. I know if I went to the cinema now I’d just get distracted thinking about all the behind the scenes stuff which isn’t ideal for becoming invested in the story. Plus they’re always choosing romcoms, doesn’t that get annoying for you?” “Not really,” you shrugged, “I mean, do I sometimes wish they’d branch out? Sure. But I enjoy romance in fiction I just don’t need it in my real life. Don’t get me wrong though, very happy to do something different this time.” “How long d’you think we’ll be out?” You shrugged, “A few hours maybe?” “We should pop to the shop on the way back then. You need milk and we could get something nice for dinner.” “Sounds good. Does that mean you’re staying over again tonight?” “I was planning to, yeah. Barely saw you last week so I was hoping to spend all weekend with you to make up for it.” “Bet you regret agreeing to go out with them now,” “Kinda. S’pose it’s too late to cancel though,” “Nah you still could but you know they’ll get stroppy about it and we’ll have to go out with them next week. They don’t have any other couple friends since Neil and Percy split and Bianca took her fella overseas.” “Yeah, wasn’t seriously suggesting it.” “What would the plan have been if we did cancel?” Ben chewed a mouthful of fruit thoughtfully, “you, me, your bed. No need to be too quiet since Sophie’s still out,” he glanced at your roommate’s bedroom door, his eyes swinging back to you as he continued, “Or y’know, we could do a puzzle and listen to music all day, have a cat nap after lunch, whatever.” “You’re cute when you’re being all lazy,” “There would be nothing lazy about it thank you very much,” “Cat naps aren’t lazy?” “You know that’s not the part I was talking about,” “It wasn’t? Then what won’t be lazy,” you tried to hold back a giggle in the middle of your faux confusion but broke when Ben blew a raspberry at you in response.

Nothing more was said about cancelling as you finished your breakfast, though truthfully you probably wouldn’t have minded if Ben had cried off sick and rescheduled the double date. But you both decided that Sunday would be a day for just the two of you to make up for having to spend Saturday afternoon with others. Instead, you spoke of the week just passed and commented on the news still playing on the TV. When you were finished (Ben using the last corner of one of his waffles to swipe the remnant syrup from his plate) you stood and stacked the sticky dishes in your arms. Ben collected the coffee cups and a few other assorted dishes from the previous night, leading the way towards the kitchen and the dishwasher. He loaded his small collection onto the shelves before turning to grab the top plate from the pile you held. A noise of disgust rose from his throat as you held the plate out and he miscalculated the trajectory, his palm landing in a puddle of syrup and fruit juice. You were torn between laughing at his expression and taking the opportunity to toy with him a little but, always ready to tease him, your desire to see him blush won out. Trying not to smile too much, you reached forward and wrapped your hand around his wrist, pulling his palm closer so you could lick the sweet syrup from his skin. Predictably his cheeks turned pink and he pulled his lip between his teeth as you let him go with a laugh. “Bet you’re really wishing we didn’t have to go out now, huh Tiger?” Ben didn’t respond but he did react, his eyes locked on you as he swiped his fingers along the same plate and held them out in offering. Not quite sure where things were heading but very keen on finding out, you leaned forward and let your lips part slightly. He took the action for what it was, an invitation, and trailed his fingertips across your lower lip before slipping them between the two. He watched closely as you sucked his fingers deeper, using your tongue to lick up the sweet residue. There was still an element of novelty with this aspect of your partnership. Still part of you that was intensely aware that it was Ben’s fingers in your mouth. There wasn’t any hesitation though, hadn’t been since that first time when you’d both had to psych yourselves up to actually look at each other naked. But there was a part of your brain that was almost surprised when you found yourselves at the edge of a sexual situation. You suspected he was similarly discombobulated by how easy it was for you to end up there, how frequently playful teasing and friendly jokes turned into hands grasping at bed sheets and breathless moans against sweat-slick skin. He pulled his fingers free from your lips, unwilling or perhaps unable to shift his gaze away from the thin string of saliva that connected them like some kind of erotic spider web that you were both already caught in. You waited to see what he’d do next, feeling your heart race in the pregnant pause so full of potential. And then he moved. You laughed as he grabbed you around the waist and lifted you at the same moment he stepped towards the bench, your legs instinctively wrapping around him. He kissed you too, hungrily, as if it were impossible to resist. You’d looked down at him and suddenly been pulled towards each other, lips meeting with all the force and attraction of a magnetic field. Usually, he would have had a hand against the back of your head or your jaw but carrying you meant both his hands were already occupied so instead you substituted your own, tangling your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck to keep him from pulling away too far. As soon as you were safely positioned on the edge of the bench though his hands were free to fall elsewhere. One pressed against the small of your back as the other squeezed your thigh, encouraging you to keep your legs spread. Not that you could have closed them with Ben standing between them and not that the thought had even crossed your mind.

If you’d had all day Ben probably would have taken his time with you. Despite what he’d said earlier, you’d discovered Ben had a soft spot for slow and sensual intimacy. Making out that gradually built to passionate kiss-filled sex, foreplay that included soft caresses and whispered praise, anything that let him explore your body in intricate detail with his hands and lips. You’d been with guys like that before and had hated their insistence on linking hands and kissing you slowly. Those relationships never lasted long but with Ben it felt different, it felt good. Maybe it was because he knew you weren’t on board with overtly romantic acts and respected those boundaries you’d talked about so you never felt as if he were pushing you into a roll you didn’t enjoy. Or maybe he was just a better lover than they had been. Either way, it came to same result. You still preferred something less gentle and more energetic, though you felt you better understood the appeal of being held so close and kissed so tenderly. But with only a few hours before you’d have to start getting ready, Ben was inclined to speed things up a little. His hand quickly slipped up your thigh to press against your pussy, the cotton knickers you’d slept in the only thing keeping him from direct contact. You broke the kiss suddenly, the smacking sound loud in the small room, and dipped your head to press your lips to the notch between his clavicles. In response, Ben lifted his chin, exposing more of his throat to you and you took the chance to playfully nip at the junction where his neck and shoulder met. “Oi, no marks,” he said lwoly as you moved to kiss back up towards his jaw. “Afraid I’ll brand you with my initials?” “If you could legibly write your initials in hickeys I’d put up with whatever teasing the makeup ladies gave me,” “I’ll give it a crack then shall I?” Before you could so much as flick your tongue over his skin, Ben had raised a hand and placed it over your mouth to keep you from testing our your writing abilities, “Don’t think theres enough time, Sugar, but if you really want to I’ll let you try tonight, on my thigh where no one is likely to see it.” “Make it your arse and you’ve got a deal,” you said though it was a little muffled by his palm. “Fine,” he laughed, drawing his hand away, “But then I get to try it on you too,” You nodded, grinning, and then both fell into giggles, leaning against each other’s shoulders. This was what you’d hoped for when Ben had first approached you with the idea of being partners, what you’d been afraid you’d never actually find. Someone who would follow your tangential jokes even if it delayed sex. Someone you could be yourself with. You were distracted from the thought as Ben pressed his lips to your shoulder over the sleeve of your shirt. “Should I continue?” he asked, still smiling though softer, his fingertips lightly dancing over the crease of your thigh. “I’d be offended if you didn’t” “Can’t have that,” he leaned in to catch your lips once again, at the same time resuming stroking you over your panties so that you felt all the air leave your lungs in a rush. It felt good but you need more and so shifted your hips, trying to press yourself harder against his fingers. To get more leverage and better brace yourself as your centre of gravity changed, you dropped a hand behind you. Intuitively, Ben shifted the hand on your back higher and closer to your side to help keep you steady, the other still drawing lines along your clothed slit. You gasped as his thumb took up residence against your clit, rubbing it firmly so a visible damp patch began to form on your panties.

Ben grinned at you as your breath came harder and dragged his thumb back down away from your clit towards the leg of your underwear. Still watching your reactions, he twisted his fingers up under the material, gently tracing them along the same path they’d just followed only now he could feel your wetness directly. “I’ve got an idea,” he said, leaning close to your ear, as he circled your entrance with a fingertip before pressing it into you, “of how I’d like to fuck you right now. It might take a little flexibility on your part though. I mean, nothing too much, just getting your legs up on my shoulders.” Curious, and more than a little distracted by the addition of a second finger inside you, you nodded, “Sounds fun.” “Knew you’d say that. Just tell me if it’s too uncomfortable,” “Will do.” You leaned forward as Ben moved back a little, taking his fingers with him, giving you enough room to drop your hand to his crotch and grasp his stiff length through his undies, “Just get on with it.” “Puddin’ was too nice a nickname for you. Sugar too.” he gasped as you dragged your palm along his length and back again. “What’s the matter, Tiger?” “Maybe I should call you Tiger, if you’re going to keep grabbing my cock like that,” You laughed and let him go, leaning back on your palm again, “Tigress? Whatever, doesn’t matter. Are you going to fuck me or not?” “No I just wanted to get my dick hard for no reason,” he said sarcastically, poking his tongue out at you as he pushed his underwear down. “You’re such a –” you broke off with a sharp gasp as Ben tugged your underwear aside and pressed into you without warning, “dork.” Ben chucked and leaned in to kiss you quickly before readjusting your position a little by pulling you closer to him so your arse was right against the edge of the bench. Slowly he rolled his hips against you, pulling back and thrusting forward again, finding a rhythm that worked. You leaned back on both palms as Ben grabbed you by the waist, the other resting on your knee to keep it pressed against his side. “This feel alright?” he asked as he gave another thrust, hitting a spot deep inside you. “Mmhmm,” you nodded, able to feel yourself growing wetter with each stroke of his cock. “What about this?” Ben shifted first one of your legs and then the other to his shoulders, encouraging you to bend them at the knee. His hands moved to your sides, fingertips digging into your back as he pressed you even closer. The effect was that you felt as if you were almost folded in half but it wasn’t too uncomfortable. There was an almost weightless feeling to it and any slight awkwardness you felt with your chest meeting your thighs was a small price to pay for just how good Ben felt once again moving inside you. You tightened your fingers against the benchtop, wishing there was something you could grab onto as your whole body rocked with each of his thrusts, the position allowing him to penetrate you deeply, continuously brushing against a number of spots that sent electric spikes of pleasure through you. “Fuck,” was about all you could think to say. “That a good fuck?” Ben questioned, voice gruff with his exertions. “Yeah, yes, fuck, so good,” “So you like when I do this?” You let out a soft moan as he roughly fucked into you again, timing it just right. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he half laughed, turning his head to kiss your leg before leaning forward to catch your lips again. After that there wasn’t much room for talking. Ben, having assured himself that you were happy, speeded up his rhythm, clutching you tightly to keep your legs from slipping off his shoulders. His breathing became rougher, matching your own, as he drove into you, though he still kissed you as much as he could, panting against your lips, swallowing your moans and pushing whatever air he had into your lungs.

You could feel your orgasm bubbling up, like a pot of water on the verge of boiling, but knew Ben would reach his first, recognising his expression as the one he wore when he was trying to hold back from the edge. “Fu-ck you’re s-so tight,” he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut as he leaned his forehead against yours, “gonna have to pull out soon,” You could feel him pulling away and tightened your calves on either side of his neck in an effort to stop him, needing just a little more to reach your own release. “Not helping,” he groaned, suddenly unable to hold off any longer, “Shit. Y/N.” You whined as he stilled to shoot his release over your walls. “Jesus,” he said a little breathlessly, as he pulled out, your underwear slipping back over you, and rubbed his neck absentmindedly, “Didn’t expect that to finish me off. Did you…?” You shook your head, letting your leg slip to be caught in the crook of Ben’s arm. “Well let’s fix that, shall we,” he said, already letting you go to bend forward, his face right between your thighs. You felt a puff of his hot breath against you as he hooked his index finger into the crotch of your knickers, pulling it aside, and then his tongue was on you, lapping up your arousal and coming to rest against your clit. He set up camp there, focusing all his attention on the small nub. You let yourself drop back so you were holding yourself up on one elbow, your other hand on the back of Ben’s head, tugging on his hair as he drew a series of moans from you. With a particularly firm suck, you felt your cunt pulse and something warm and wet ran from you, dripping over the edge of the bench onto the cupboard door. You had an idea what it was so it surprised you when Ben released your clit to lick between your lips, catching it with his tongue and spreading it along your slit. “We taste good together,” he mumbled, going in to trace the same path over again, greedily licking up the mixture. You swore under your breath, feeling yourself right on the edge of your orgasm, unspeakably turned on by Ben lapping up the load he’d just left in you. Sensing how close you were he dragged his tongue over your clit again, quickly sliding two fingers into you to help you along. You whined his name as he pushed you over the edge, continuing to pump his fingers into you as he again sucked at your clit, not stopping until he was sure it had worked. “Thank you,” you said as he straightened up again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re such a dork,” he laughed as he kissed you again, tracing his tongue over yours. The man clearly wanted you lightheaded from lack of air. “Shut up,” you pushed yourself to sit up straight again, expecting Ben to step away and let you hop down from the bench. He didn’t though, instead absentmindedly toying with the leg of your underwear as his gaze fell to your lips. “Seriously?” Ben shrugged, “Eating you out made me hard again. And,” he quickly ran his fingers along the edge of the bench, collecting some of the mess you’d left there, “I think it’s only fair you should taste us too,” If he’s said it less earnestly you might have batted his hand away and laughed off the suggestion but something about his tone made you grab his wrist to pull his fingers towards your mouth. He hadn’t been wrong, the mix of you both did taste pretty good, though you’d already got a hint of it as he’d kissed you. “Good girl,” he breathed out, eyes heavy with lust, “think you’re up for more?” “Can we move elsewhere? The edge of the counter is digging into me.” “Okay,” Ben began tugging your underwear down and kicked off his own before pulling your shirt over your head, making you laugh. He Helped you stand and then immediately pushed you to the floor. For a moment you thought he was suggesting you give him a blowjob and were about to question him but half a second later he was following you down, laying down and pulling you on top. “I meant like the bed or the couch at least,” you said somewhere between incredulity and amusement. “Too far,” he grunted, bucking his hips to encourage you to mount him properly, “need you now.” You rolled your eyes as you sank down onto his dick, “Do I actually get to cum this time or…?” “Only if you move,” Ben growled as he grasped your hips and pulled you down onto him, making you cry out at the unexpectedly sudden sensation of being filled. He let you ride him for a bit, alternating between squeezing your thigh as he rubbed his thumb over your clit and cupping your breasts, teasing your nipples as he encouraged you to fuck yourself on his cock faster. You kept to the same steady pace though, intending to drag it out a little, make him wait. But it wasn’t long before he got fed up with the deliberately slow pace you’d cultivated. Without warning you found yourself on your back, Ben grasping your thighs as he kneeled over you, pulling your hips up a little so he could fuck you the way he wanted. Your voice shook as you moaned and writhed in his shadow, your own fingers dancing over your clit to keep building your orgasm. “Isn’t that better?” he said roughly, laughing a little as you nodded your agreement, “Making me wish I had cancelled our plans. Could stay in your pussy all day.” You whimpered and rubbed your clit harder. “C’mon Pumpkin, so close aren’t ya,” You squeezed your eyes shut, moaning when you finally tipped over the edge. But that didn’t stop Ben. He waited until your orgasm had subsided and then pushed your legs wide and up into the air so he could lay directly on top of you as he continued to pound you. Your voice shook as a moan was pulled from your throat and you squirmed beneath him, feeling yourself once again being drawn towards release. There was something about his weight pressing down on you, his breath against your ear. Something about how close he seemed, almost panting as his hips stuttered in and out of the rhythm he was desperately trying to hold on to. He mouthed at your neck as you tilted your head to accommodate him, reaching a hand down to squeeze his arse cheek. You were sore from every other way he’d fucked you, tired from the two orgasms he’d already wrung from you, and yet the thought of stopping him, of ending the incredible pleasure you felt at his hands, was the furthest thing from your mind. A scream caught in your throat as he seemed to press you even harder into the floor, your legs shaking in the air as he grit his teeth and grunted with each harsh drive into you. And then he came, gasping against your throat as he felt you cum too, finally releasing the scream you’d been holding onto until the noise turned to breaths so ragged they felt like sobs.

Ben kissed your throat and then your jaw as he came back to earth, still laying on you. “How was that?” he asked softly when you’d remained quiet for a while. You drew in a deep breath, “Pum-Pumpkin?” “What?” “You called me fucking Pumpkin of all things, while trying to get me off?” “So?” “Jesus Ben,” you half-heartedly swatted at his side, “you’re lucky I was so close that it didn’t matter otherwise I might have laughed and completely lost the orgasm.”   Ben joined in your laughter, the sensation of his shaking body on top of yours slightly odd but mostly quite comforting. Until he shifted his hips without thinking and made you wince. “Sorry,” he said, pressing his lips to yours again as if to kiss away the discomfort before he gingerly pulled out of you and sat back on his knees, “But you did cum that time, right?” “I think you know I did,” you sighed, already able to see what was coming, as you let your legs drop to the floor. “So wait, how many times exactly?” You sighed and shook your head slightly. “Because if my maths is right, I think we got you to three times. Once on the bench and twice on the floor. One plus two is three, yes?” “Yes that’s how basic addition works Ben,”  “And who was it again that got you to three orgasms? Was it,” he pointed a finger as his one chest, “Moi?” “Alright asshole, you’re very impressive and a somewhat decent shag,” “I think you could be a little more grateful considering that performance. Might have been my best ever moves,” You pushed Ben in the middle of the chest, exaggeratedly rolling your eyes but, truthfully you were inclined to agree that it had been his best performance yet, at least in your experience. “Here let me help you,” he chuckled as you tried to stand, almost falling over as your legs shook. Quickly, Ben pushed himself to his feet and then offered you a hand up too, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you steady. “Thanks,” “I hope I haven’t made it too hard for you to walk. Wouldn’t want to throw off your bowling cos you were fucked so right.” “Jesus Christ,” you couldn’t help but laugh.

The rest of the time you had before you had to leave was spent tidying up the kitchen, cleaning up the evidence of the mornings activities in case your roommate got home before you, washing up and getting ready to go. Which is really when things started to go downhill. If you’d realised you might have told yourself to stay home, come up with a quick excuse to get out of it and just played video games with Ben for the rest of the day or something. But there was no way to know what was coming so you didn’t. You talked happily as you got into Ben’s car (which was already parked on the street), excited to see your friends and looking forward to the afternoon.

The double date itself was quite fun, although draining. There was always an element of playing pretend at these sorts of occasions. Not that you minded so much. It was either play up the romance of your relationship or have to explain what you were to everyone and a few hours of pretending Ben was your boyfriend was honestly much simpler. At least bowling was better than the cinema. The first time you’d gone on a double date to a movie you’d sat down beside Ben, the popcorn you were sharing balanced on the arm rest between you. Martin and Jill had raised their armrest and were virtually sitting on top of each other, hands entwined. Which would have been fine except Martin had leaned over and said, “you know these things move” and looked expectantly at you. Ben and you had shared a glance and then tried to say you were both fine with the space but they’d given you matching looks that said they thought you were being weird or prudish or judging their willingness to cuddle in public. So you’d relented and shifted the armrest so you could spend the next two hours sitting with Ben’s arm around your shoulders, both of you more tense about the situation than you ever would have been if you’d just been allowed to sit in your seats like normal. Things had improved a bit since then. Ben had told you that one night when you’d gone out to a bar together, Martin had pulled him aside as asked why he never kissed you properly. Ben had shrugged and said he didn’t like PDAs, that he didn’t want photos to spread or anything like that, especially since it was still so new, and Martin had accepted it. They began to see that your ways of being affectionate were quieter, stealing sips from each other’s drinks, a warm hand against a knee, dumb nicknames that made you both laugh. Even if Jill did sometimes still try to convince you that there was nothing wrong with snogging in the middle of a busy street. Nonetheless you never felt fully able to relax when it was just the four of you. Always conscious of how they saw you, always worried that they’d decide you weren’t being affectionate enough and would tell everyone else you were going through a rough patch which would lead to more scrutiny. While at the same time worrying that one of them would start asking how serious it was between you and Ben, were you thinking about the future? Could you see yourselves moving in together? Was he the one? And it took a lot of energy to constantly be alert about what you were saying, always careful to not accidentally give away the secret truth of the situation. Bowling was fun though and less pressure than other double dates you’d been on. You could get away with not holding hands or sitting on Ben’s lap since everyone was standing up frequently and it didn’t make sense to be on top of one another. You could share small pecks on the lips or else tight hugs to celebrate strikes. And Ben made sure to tease you for missed pins, just like he always had, with a few added silly nicknames. He called you his sweet little hotdog after a particularly bad gutter shot which had made you laugh so hard you choked on your drink, and made Jill give him a disapproving glance. He’d smoothed it over by letting her overhear him saying he loved you, whispering the platonically just for you.

By the time Jill had been declared the winner of the game, you were ready to head home and spend a night forwarding Ben weird videos and dumb memes. Ready to be allowed to just exist without needing to be romantically linked to anyone. But it wasn’t quite to be. Martin made the suggestion that all of you should head to McDonalds for dinner and before you knew it you were standing in line, waiting for the kid at the cash register to serve you. You leaned your head on Ben’s shoulder as you stared at the menu, and vaguely wondered how someone working in a fast food joint could be so bright and bubbly. Right up until Ben nudged you and asked what you wanted. “Um, can I get a quarter pounder and a frozen coke, thanks.” “And?” Ben supplied. “And what?” “Y/N I know you want dessert, get dessert.” “And an Oreo McFlurry,” you smiled and bumped Ben’s shoulder with yours as he laughed and finished paying. “You guy’s make a cute couple,” the girl who’d served you said, eyes following the path of Ben’s gaze to you, still smiling. She seemed to realise what she’d said, her ears turning red, but Ben thanked her and added, “I think I have to agree,” as he squeezed your hip, before moving away so Jill and Martin could order. You’d smiled at her too but it wasn’t quite genuine.

It wasn’t that you weren’t used to it, people assuming you and Ben were in fact a couple. You were. One or two weeks after you’d first agreed to try out being queerplatonic partners, most of your friends had put two and two together and worked out that something was going on between you. Of course they didn’t know you were aromantic and they probably didn’t have any idea what a QPR was so they’d really added two and two and got five but you weren’t about to correct them. As you’d said to Ben, it was too much too soon to do that. Maybe if the QPR thing worked out long term, maybe then you could tell them. And besides, they weren’t exactly wrong anyway. They’d originally assumed you and Ben were just hooking up after Martin had dropped in to pick up something he’d left at Ben’s and had seen you spread out on Ben’s couch with sex hair and a rather large hickey on your neck and Ben’s sweater hanging off your shoulder. He’d asked Ben who’d just shrugged in response and said it wasn’t a big deal. You estimated it took about a minute and a half to reach everyone else. The next time you’d gone out as a group you’d felt them all watching you and Ben closely, trying to determine if Martin with bullshitting them all or not. They’d all decided it was just sex though. Until you were clearly still together a month later and they decided it had to be serious since Ben had never successfully fucked a girl for that long without catching feelings. That was when they started referring to you as boyfriend and girlfriend. That was also when the comments about how cute you were or how they’d always known you’d get together had first started. The first few times you’d heard it, it felt weird but you figured that was just because it was you and Ben and you were still working out how to be partners without the romance. You’d been in relationships before though and didn’t have any major objections to anything they said so you found it fairly easy to deal with and mostly you didn’t notice it anymore.

Except now it was bothering you. Something about the girl’s comment had rubbed you the wrong way. Which made you feel bad because she was just a kid with a shitty minimum wage job who didn’t know you from Adam. She had no idea. She was just trying to say something nice to a couple of strangers. You supposed your dislike of the comment probably had something to do with spending all afternoon putting on the romantic act for the benefit of your friends. Maybe even something about the sex from earlier. Probably just exhaustion from everything, a shorter fuse. It could even just be PMS though you’d have to check how far off your next period was to be sure. Whatever the reason it felt…not wrong exactly just off. You stayed quiet during most of the meal, aware you weren’t being great company and aware that Ben had realised something was wrong since he kept glancing at you when the other two weren’t looking. “Y/N,” Jill’s voice cut through your thoughts, “Still with us?” “Yeah,” you said, pulling a smile onto your face, “sorry, just a bit tired. Didn’t sleep well last night,” That statement was met by high pitched oohing noises and Martin jokily reprimanding Ben for keeping you up. You forced yourself to laugh with them, “Not like that you pervs. Ben was filming a night scene yesterday so didn’t actually get to mine until what,” you looked to Ben for confirmation, “One-thirty was it?” “Something like that. I don’t know I fell asleep almost as soon as I put my head down.” “Me, not so much,” you shrugged, “It’s all just catching up with me now.” They accepted that excuse without question and didn’t aim too many more comments in your direction, letting you finish your food without having to keep your mind on their conversation. And pretty soon you were hugging them goodbye and promising you’d organise the next date as Martin told Ben to get you home to bed before you fell asleep in your ice cream.

Ben waited until you were safely back inside your apartment before he asked if you were okay. “We were meant to get milk,” you sighed, trying to push away the annoyingly persistent discomfort. “I’ll go out later and get some. Or we can get Sophie to bring some back when she comes home. Are you okay though?” Unsure if this was a situation where you’d want space, Ben hovered at a respectful distance until you stepped in close and leaned your head against his chest. As soon as he knew you wanted him there he wrapped his arms tightly around you, “What’s wrong?” “Not sure. Think it all just got a bit much.” “How do you mean?” You shrugged as much as his embrace would allow and talked against his chest as you tried your best to explain how flat you felt, “I think the girl who served us was just like the straw that broke the camel’s back, y’know.” “Did me agreeing with her make things worse?” You shook your head, “Don’t think so. I knew you meant it in a different way to her. Besides, the other two were in earshot so there wasn’t much else you could say.” “You know that what everyone else thinks of us doesn’t change anything about what we have, right, or what we mean to each other. It doesn’t change who you are.” You didn’t mean to say it but the words had escaped before you could stop them, “Wouldn’t it be easier if it did though.” “But then you wouldn’t be you and I love you, platonically.” You smiled and nodded as you stepped back a little, though Ben’s arms wouldn’t let you go too far, “I know, thank you. And I’m fine, just having a bit of an off afternoon.” “Are you sure? Is there anything else I can do to help?” “No, you’ve been perfect.” You leaned up to give him a quick kiss, “And I know I’m being stupid about it. I knew what I was signing up for when I decided not to come out to them. Besides, being back home with you has definitely made me feel better already.” “Do you want a cuppa or anything?” “Nah, think I might just go lie down and read for bit. Decompress a little, y’know.” “Okay. Give me a shout if you want anything, yeah,” he pressed a kiss to your temple and give you an extra squeeze before he let you go.

Slowly you headed to your bedroom, kneeling down at your bookshelf and running your fingers along the spines until you found the one you wanted. That particular book had seen better days. It’s spine was cracked, the image on the cover peeling away from the cardboard underneath. More than one page had begun to fray around the edges like an ancient treasure map in a cartoon, with little triangles missing and the corners permanently creased where they’d been dog eared a hundred times. But as you settled into the bed, Ben’s pillow still smelling faintly of his hair pomade, you began to feel more yourself. Ben was right. What other people thought of your relationship didn’t matter. He was still your Ben, the same Ben who’s hoodie had been living in your cupboard for years now because he spent so much time at yours anyway it just made sense to keep a spare there. The same Ben who’d bought you your favourite pair of sunglasses when you’d left your old ones at home by accident. The same Ben who’d gradually been reading his way through your entire bookshelf rather than buying his own paperbacks. You had too much history there and too much love for each other for anyone else’s opinions to matter. And your partnership was good. It made you happy so it had to be good.

The time passed quickly as you read so when you looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps and saw that a couple of hours had passed, you were a little taken aback. Ben poked his head round the corner and then stepped through the doorway when he saw you looked better. “Nice to see you smiling again,” he said softly as he crawled up beside you. Without thinking you lifted your arm so he could snuggle against you, his head on your chest. “What’re you reading?” “First Test by Tamora Pierce. First book in her Protector of the Small series.” “What’s it about?” “A girl training to become a knight. Gran bought it for me as a kid while we were on a holiday at the seaside.” Ben glanced at the worn pages, “Do you reread it a lot?” “Yeah a bit. The main character, Kel, is like the only aromantic character I know of so she’s kinda important to me.” “The main character’s aro?” “I mean, not explicitly. It was published in ’99 and the terminology to describe aro experiences didn’t really start being used until like the late 2000s and even then only in certain communities online. But Tamora Pierce did answer some questions on her website and said that as she was writing the series Kel became less and less interested in romance and sex so even though she didn’t have the words for it back then, she would consider Kel aro and probably ace too. And I mean, rereading them I definitely feel an aro sort of reaction to a lot of the romance stuff, even when Kel does start kissing boys and all that.” Ben leaned back to better see your face, “Will you read to me?” You leaned down to kiss him, unhurriedly, softly, letting your lips linger on his. “Is that a yes?” “That was a sorry I’ve been weird this evening kiss actually.” “Don’t worry about it,” he said simply, snuggling back down, his head once again resting on your chest and his arm thrown over your waist. You adjusted your grip on the book and began to read from where you’d left off, one hand running absentmindedly through his hair, both of you sighing softly as you relaxed into each other.

Love, Theoretically | Sebastian Stan x reader (Chapter 1)

for @evnscvll​​‘s 3k celebration challenge, I immediately broke the rules and took only one prompt: Love, Actually.  then I made it into a series.  oops.  but she made me that lovely moodboard anyways!

summary: having lost your husband, sister, and best friend all to the same extramarital affair, you ran away to a secluded villa in the Hungarian countryside to write and get a little time away from the life you’d left behind.  you were only looking for peace and perhaps some inspiration for your novel, but instead you found an unlikely connection with the immigrant repairman-- even though the two of you don’t speak the same language.

word count: 2.3k

warnings: mention/description of infidelity, awkwardness, me teasing y’all by making this a slow burn

(quick note: I’m not fluent in romanian but I did my best to translate the dialogue as accurately as possible, rather than as literally as possible.  if you don’t speak it I would recommend not translating seb’s lines so you get the full experience of having no idea what he’s saying just like the reader in the story but I won’t tell you how to live your life)

You usually trusted your intuition, but up until now you'd convinced yourself that you were being paranoid by worrying about your husband.  Trusting him was more important than anything, and definitely more important than a strange feeling in your gut that something was wrong. 

The sad thing is, you would've never guessed that he was having an affair with your sister.  Not in a million years.  All the sneaking around, the strange stories that didn't add up… you would've put your money on a secret gambling addiction (pun unintended but welcome), or maybe that he'd secretly lost his job.

But even with all your suspicion, all your low self-esteem, all your fear that he was too good for you… nothing could've prepared you to walk in and see him with his face between your sister's legs.

He didn't even do that to you; he said he didn't like the taste.  You realized now, as you stared out the window of the train at the trees flying by, that that should've been a red flag from the start.  For a man who had claimed to be a feminist, things were never really equal in your house.  You both worked full time but you were saddled with more chores; you made more money than he did, but for some reason, you found yourself asking for his approval on large purchases; and of course, whenever you'd talked about children, he'd always just assumed you would stay at home forever and do most of the child-rearing.  He told you that you'd need to handle them when he was too tired from work-- but what about when you were tired from watching them all damn day while he was working?

God, you needed to stop thinking about this.  If you cried on this train people would probably look at you funny and you did not need that right now.  You couldn’t take any more reasons to believe people dislike you.  Even as much as you wanted to say that you didn't want or need your husband’s approval anymore, you still felt so shitty, so fundamentally worthless that he'd chosen your sister over you.  He hadn't wanted to touch you in months.  You wondered if it had been going on longer than that: when you'd blown him after that company party half a year ago, were you putting your mouth on something that had been in your sister's--?

"Something to drink, madam?" the attendant asked as she rolled by with her cart, pulling you from a very dangerous cycle of thought.

You jumped a little and looked over to her as she smiled at you-- no hint of judgment or confusion as you wiped a tear away.  In her shoes, you would be nosy and want to know more about the woman crying on the train.  Then again, maybe it was obvious to her: a woman, alone, who bought the last ticket just before the train left, carrying only a small briefcase and a few hastily-packed suitcases… a woman with nothing to lose, going nowhere as fast as possible.  Could it be anything but her having been done wrong by a man?

"Tea, please," you nodded with a smile of your own-- weaker than hers, more awkward.  You'd make a bad stewardess.

"Black or green?"

You didn't trust them to steep the green tea at the proper temperature, so you asked for black and nodded in thanks when she handed you the warm paper cup and rolled on by to the next passenger.

What really made your head spin, you considered as you sipped at your drink, was not your husband’s actions but your sister’s.  You remembered when you were both teenagers and her boyfriend had cheated on her, she’d gotten so upset with the girl he’d done it with rather than him.  You had thought that was ridiculous because the girl didn’t owe her anything.  You understood better now, and of course, your sister did owe you something.  You two had had your rough patches but overall, she’d been your best friend for most of your life.  So much so that she was the one you went to when you were worried about your husband.  She told you to give him space.  You would’ve never imagined that was her way to get you to back off, to cover her own sins and give her more freedom to shag your husband in your goddamn bed.

Yes, that was the real betrayal.  Lots of people have ex-husbands, but you couldn’t exactly turn her into an ex-sister.  You were stuck with her, but you had no plan as of yet to face her again.

The night in the sleeper car was restless, literally.  It was so dark out that you couldn’t see the trees or mountains anymore, but if you focused really hard and made sure to turn off every light in your room, you could just barely see the stars in the sky.  You hoped that you would have plenty of time to spend looking at the stars once you reached your destination.  As much as you’d loved the city lights of London for the past several years, you really needed to be somewhere that was actually dark at night.  And where the air was clean.  And, best of all, where nobody knew who the fuck you were.

You stepped out of the train and onto the platform, feeling very much like you were surrounded by people ending their stories-- reuniting with loved ones, finishing vacations-- while yours was just beginning.  Well, you supposed it made sense that most of the people travelling from London to Nyíregyháza, Hungary were probably from Nyíregyháza, Hungary.  Unlike you, who had only been here once while backpacking through the area in college and fallen in love with it.  You were lucky that the owner of the secluded cottage you’d crashed at back then had picked up the phone when you called from the train; you were especially lucky that she was willing to pick you up from the station, you not being quite dressed or prepared for backpacking.

Exiting the station and finding the cobblestone street, you were nearly tackled by a portly old woman as she tried to get your attention.

“Mrs. Alberti?!” you asked with wide eyes.

“You should at least pretend I haven’t aged a day,” she frowned, her words coated with her thick Hungarian accent.  

“I was just surprised that you’re still running the cottage!  I figured you and Mr. Alberti retired ages ago,” you explained, following her back to her car and putting your luggage in the boot.

She seemed a little crestfallen, wistfully considering your assumption.  “Well, it’s not quite what it used to be but yes, I am still the owner.  Sadly, Mr. Alberti passed away several years back.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that,” you replied, hoping to be as comforting as reasonably possible, “he was such a sweet man.”

“Yes, but he had a long illness-- and before that, lived a very full life,” she smiled confidently, walking to the driver’s seat as you followed along the other side and got in the passenger.

“It’s too bad he won’t get to see you again, though,” she continued as she started the vehicle.  Considering how old it looked, you were impressed that it worked on the first try.  “He would’ve been amazed to have a repeat customer from somewhere so far away.  I certainly am!”

“Yes, well, I have great memories from staying in the villa, and decided to go in search of some of the lust for life that I had back then-- chasing after youth never backfires, right?” you joked.

“I wouldn’t know,” she replied with a smirk.

You knew you were getting close to the old house when the roads turned from asphalt, to cobblestone, to gravel, and finally to dirt.  As much as you figured trees and grass looked basically the same everywhere, you appreciated that it somehow managed to look totally different than England.  Maybe it was the scattering of blue wildflowers, or the way the wilderness was dominating the few signs of human existence rather than the other way around.  Driving it was different than hiking it, certainly, and you wondered if you would find the time or energy to climb the foothills on the other side of the lake like you had before.  Maybe you didn’t want to find out how much athletic ability you’d lost since college…

“Here we are!” she announced as she made one last turn and yep, there it was: a lonely stone cottage, with flowers all along the walls and pink wooden shutters.  

You could tell it had aged since it had looked how you remembered, but if anything it had gained a quaint charm, with its moss and ivy and old trees which sagged under their own weight.  Figuring you would have more time to take in the scenery in the indefinite time you planned to spend here, you decided to make good time and gather your things first.

As you opened the boot and reached in to grab your luggage, someone appeared beside you and pushed your hands aside, saying something that you couldn’t parse at all.  You stepped aside and realized that it was a young man-- not horrifically young or anything, but certainly… strapping.  He shot you a smile, and you couldn’t think of the last time somebody had looked at you with so much joy on their face.

“Oh, thank you,” you nodded, letting him lift your suitcases (which he did with ease, just to make it all extra cruel).

“This is Sebastian-- he lives here and does odd jobs for me,” Mrs. Alberti informed you, "Don't waste your time talking to him; he doesn't speak a word of English."

"Oh, he only speaks Hungarian?"  You turned to him again; "Szia, hogy vagy?"

He shook his head and smiled awkwardly.

"No dear, he only speaks Romanian," Mrs. Alberti explained with a laugh.  "Can't you tell I can only afford to run this place by using cheap immigrant labour?"

"Salut," he greeted.  At least you could figure what that meant.  You chuckled uncomfortably and looked to the ground.  

You followed Sebastian and Mrs. Alberti into the house, admiring how little the interior decorations had changed-- it was all macrame and flowers in old-fashioned ceramic vases, with lots of oddball Hungarian trinkets to round it all out.  Perhaps the only thing you could notice that was different was new floorboards.

“You like the new floor?” Mrs. Alberti asked, as if she were reading your mind.  “Sebastian put that in for me.”

Sebastian seemed to perk up as he set your bags down briefly, clearly aware he was being talked about.  

“Remember?” Mrs. Alberti addressed him, motioning to the floor.  “You put in the new floor, huh?  Új emelet?”

You wondered why she’d seemed to laugh at you for trying to speak Hungarian to him, when she was doing the same thing.

“Da,” he smiled, pressing his shoe down onto the floor to apparently demonstrate the lack of creaking.  “Ți-am făcut un etaj nou.”

“Alright, go ahead and take her bags upstairs,” Mrs. Alberti instructed him, motioning to the luggage and then to the staircase.  He nodded and picked them up again, starting to walk across the room.  “He knows where your room is, just follow him,” she told you.  

The stairs, unlike the new floor, did creak, and you weren’t sure how far behind you were supposed to be on the staircase to avoid having his ass right at eye level.  You didn’t want to stare at it… but either the jeans were doing him a lot of favours, or Mrs. Alberti’s ‘odd jobs’ do a body good.  Maybe a little bit of both.

He used his back to push open the door to your room, setting your bags just inside before turning to leave again, like he thought it would be rude to step inside.

“Wait,” you requested, but he kept going-- probably the whole ‘not understanding English’ thing.  God, you were going to look so stupid at least a few more times trying to get through to this guy, you could sense it.  Forced to get his attention another way, you reached out and grabbed his arm; not hard, but it was definitely a slightly aggressive thing to do anyways.  It worked, though, and he turned around with an expectant look.  “Could you help me unload?” you asked, gesturing towards the bags.  

His brow knitted with confusion as he tilted his head.  You sighed, not sure exactly how to pantomime this.

“One of my bags,” you began, pointing to one of them, “is heavy--” a lifting motion-- “could you--” you pointed to him-- “unpack it?” 

That seemed to make more sense to him, and he stepped back into the room with you.  “Voi încerca,” he said, somewhat to himself, as you opened the suitcase.  Inside was your typewriter; he nodded with understanding and scooped it up.

“Unde?” he asked, and regardless of what it meant, you were going to show him where to put the typewriter anyways.  

“Just over there, the table by the window,” you pointed to it.  He nodded again and walked past you, setting it down, and even adjusting it a little to make sure it was centered.

“Thank you!” you piped up when he turned back to you.  And just like that, you were plunged back into awkward silence.  You pointed to him, and then the typewriter as you pantomimed typing.  “Can you type?”  He seemed to understand what you meant.

“Nu,” he shook his head, “când eram mic, trebuiau înregistrați anual.”

“...huh,” you mumbled, not sure what to do with that.   

“Plec acum,” he announced as he started to step past you again.

You cleared your throat and let him walk out the doorway.  “Right, um, have a good afternoon…”

He gave a little wave as he walked down the hall, and you sighed once he was out of sight and making his way down the creaking stairs.  You impressed yourself with your ability to embarrass yourself constantly, even with total strangers.  But, all that aside, you were finally ready to settle in and properly enjoy your change of scenery.

how did you get into writing fic? i'd love to start but idk even where to begin! I loved adats so I was wondering do you have any advice?

Oh my goodness! I am so flattered you’ve asked me this. Yes, I can absolutely help. I’ll throw a bunch of rambling under the cut.

I started writing fic probably when I was... sixteen years old? A lot of my early works were oneshots. I couldn’t figure out how to do anything plot heavy for the life of me, so I just stuck to AUs or whatever I felt like. I wasn’t in any particular fandom -- I really wrote whatever I had ideas for. I remember I tried once to do a plot-heavy story and I received a review absolutely ripping it to shreds. Like, it was so cruel I cried lol. I ended up deleting the fic. Years later, I get what they were trying to say (basically, more substance, less style), but at the time it cut to the quick. Really, it was only when I was in my twenties that I started writing work that was longer and/or better.

The fandom that helped me actually write plot heavy work was a historical-based fandom. As I’m a historian, it was perfect. I got to use my research skills and knowledge to create works that, above all, aimed to feel authentic. I mainly read historical fiction, so I was familiar with how that genre worked. Miraculously, people loved my work. I think I wrote about ~200k in the period of a year? These were several short stories (20-40k) and a few oneshot filler fics. While I was part of this fandom I also helped organise a Big Bang which was a lot of hard work but was extremely rewarding. Along with that, I interacted mainly with other fic writers, so I spent a lot of time chatting to people about ideas and encouraging other writers, and it just created a lovely medley where no concept was impossible or any line of dialogue too difficult. We supported each other and it was truly like a little commune. I gradually stepped away from the fandom mainly because it was just a part of my life at a very specific time, and almost as soon as that time was over, my love for that story/ship faded, but I firmly believe I figured out a lot of how/what I do now purely through that experience.

Regarding ADATS

With ADATS, it stemmed entirely from wanting to “explain” three months in canon (at the end of season three). I was interested in the idea of season four setting up Will/Mike in canon, and I wanted to test the source material to see if I could draw from what already existed to create something authentic. I began with that simple idea: what happened from July to October in 1985? Then I thought about the major themes I wanted to hit -- family, friendship, coming of age, sexuality -- and I nested them around the bigger concept: how do I get Mike from being ostensibly straight to realising he is gay? That meant thinking of two steps: Mike discovering his attraction to guys; Mike discovering his attraction to Will. Those two concepts were separate “arcs” that needed addressing in different ways. Balance was key to weaving them together and making the reader feel like they knew what was coming (and that they felt smart for putting the pieces together) without just rushing through and going “now kiss!” That’s partly why ADATS needs a sequel, lol: because it’s not finished!

Writing process

The first thing I do when I start to get an idea is I write it down. Sounds obvious. But when you have a killer line of dialogue come to you in the shower and you think “I’ll remember that” -- reader, you will not remember it. You gotta get it down ASAP! I do that the whole way through, as generally I’ll be thinking of scenes I’m stuck on and then it’ll just come to me and I’ll quickly jot it down.

The next thing -- or what I do in the meantime -- is start structuring. I plan. I try to plan a lot. Sometimes it’s okay to write “and something happens here to get them here”, because you’ll figure it out later, but for the most part I’ve discovered that planning is like gold and you can’t get enough of it. I break my work up into generally 3-4 parts/sections, and I treat each section like a mini story. So each part needs a conflict and resolution, and it needs to flow into the next section. You need to have a feeling of things evolving and maturing. Once I’ve planned those little bits, I start thinking about the bigger plot arc and how I can drop in hints along the way. I’m probably not a subtle or skilled enough writer to yet pull off that sort of gasping twist you get in really excellent books, but I’m trying to get there. It’s hard, is what I’m trying to say, but that’s okay, because we’re all learning.

Then I generally do aesthetic stuff. Sounds stupid, probably. But nothing helps me get more into a mood than doing a Pinterest board or -- most of all -- making a Spotify mix. I start thinking about the vibe and the general atmosphere, and then I almost exclusively listen to that mix when I’m working. Sort of like muscle memory? Just to get the creative juices associated with that particular selection of songs.

Another thing I’ll do along with plot structure is character structure. This is a biggie. I mean, a story is nothing without characters. So I’ll just jot down a bunch of bullet points of characters and particular aspects that I want to highlight or remember. I hate continuity errors in fiction. Like, if someone says they work on Maple Street but later in the fic they’re working on Pine Street. I hate that. So I keep note of specific things that my main character might notice at repeated points in the story (colours, places, smells, names, sounds -- so they’re all consistent even as the narrative evolves). That’s another thing -- your characters’ motivations. Not everyone is going to be a huge player, but they all do serve a purpose. The most important character is obviously your main character. I personally think it’s important to let your M.C. be an arse at times. They’re going to be mean, they’re going to misinterpret things or fly off the handle... just let ‘em. Let them be wretched humans, and then bring them back and make them realise what they’ve done. Let them learn! I love consequences in fiction, lol.

At the same time, I’ll probably start writing. We’ve already written down some snippets of neat dialogue or descriptions, but now we should start the actual process. For me, I used to start at the beginning. Usually this was the most fleshed out anyway: I’ll have a clear idea of the beginning and the end, but nothing in the middle. These days, if I have a scene in mind that I can’t forget, I’ll just write it. It will possibly get scrapped or rewritten, but that’s okay, because at least you’ve got it down and now you can devote your brain power to something useful (like figuring out what the middle is supposed to be). I’ll have half a dozen of totally out of context scenes just littered in my Word document that I’ll add to as I go along. Eventually, though, you’re going to start writing properly, and that’s when you write your opening scene.

Opening scenes: super important. Every time I write a scene I think: what is the point of this? What do I want the reader to learn or takeaway? Sometimes you do have filler scenes, but they also serve a different purpose (perhaps to establish a group dynamic or to explore/describe a character’s surroundings). Mainly, though, every scene should push something forward in some way, whether it’s character development or a plot point. So, with an opening scene, I always think you have to establish: where you are; who you are; what they are doing; where they’ve come from (in a philosophical and practical sense); and where they’re going (ditto). That doesn’t have to happen in the first paragraph -- that would be silly. But if you sprinkle that information in over time it’ll gradually build up a picture of your character and that way the reader can get an idea of who they are. You basically need to give a snapshot of what your story is about. This also goes back to the character creator stuff: where they are at the start should be different to where they end up. How that happens is, of course, because of plot, and because you’ve structured everything to the nth degree, we’ve got a very clear progression of that character’s growth (/s easier said than done lol).

General advice

Write down everything: every idea, a bit of dialogue, a description, whatever. Write it down. Doesn’t have to be neat. Just has to be on paper. You can’t remember everything, so if you’re spending time trying to hold those things in your head, it’s taking up space for new ideas to come along.

Structure, plan, structure, plan. Sometimes it’s boring and I hate it. Other times, when I’ve not written in a few days and I open the Word doc and think wtf is this supposed to be, I am very grateful for Past Me for leaving such detailed notes. Seriously, it helps so much. Oneshots don’t really need planning, in my experience. You just get those out there. But multi-chaptered stories really do, even ones that “just” focus on a relationship.

Whatever you want to write, commit to it. Space goblins invade Hawkins? Do it. Eleven and Max find themselves in a cult akin to Midsommar (2019) and must escape? Yes. Just... whatever you want to do, remember that you’re writing it for you. Write what most interests you, what makes you when you reread it go AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!! Because that makes it a thousand times easier to actually get on with the writing when you enjoy what you’re doing.

Write a lot. Every day, if you can, or at least at designated times. Occasionally I have a very specific headspace/vibe I have to be in, but sometimes it just hits me and I’ll say to my partner “I need to write now” and just disappear, lol. The more you write the more you write. It’s so, so, so true. Cannot emphasise this enough. When I wrote that ~200k in twelve months? It was because I literally wrote every. day. Or near enough. Remember that some days you’ll write 200 words, and other days you’ll write 20k (this happened to me with ADATS -- part of the reason I finished it so quickly was because I had sprints of writing 10k+ at a time that only happened because I was in the rhythm of it). Write, write, write. Who cares if it’s crap! No one will see it until you are ready. In the meantime, just write!

Probably last of all (although I could go on and on) is connect with other writers. If you’re struggling to start, sometimes just talking about it can help a huge amount. I hope it goes without saying that you can message me whenever you want, anon or not, and I will talk to you. We can talk about ideas or I can beta stuff, whatever you want! Find like-minded people and talk to them about what you want to do. Another thing this helps is in advertising your work when you do publish. I see a lot of first time fic writers get super down because they publish their magnum opus on AO3 but no one comments. Honestly, it’s because no one knows you’ve published! You don’t have to be tooting your own horn every which way, but just actively talking about your work and even collaborating with other content creators with get you hyped and other people too (and the input and encouragement other fandom members give is just... out of this world. Anon messages helped me finish ADATS when I was really worried I wouldn’t [that’s the truth]. Seriously, support is everything). When you have people excited about your work, you get excited. It’s really as simple as that.

I could go on but this is already horrendously long. I hope even a bit of this helps! If you want to chat or have any more questions, just hit me up any time.

honsool | myg (m.)

synopsis ↳the ongoing war between two countries has finally been settled once and for all after two decades. Emperor Min Yoongi now rules and he’s able to rest after five years of holding the throne, that is, when he orders to have a private session with the districts best — yet the dynamic of the encounter changes.

— historical!au

→pairing: emperor!min yoongi x gisaeng!female reader

→genre: smut, crack, pwp

→word count: 2.3k+

→contents ⨯ warnings: mentions of alcohol consumption, drunk yoongi (duh lol), unprotected sex (pls wrap it up), exhibitionism (a little), overstimulation, impreg kink, teasing, oral sex (f receiving), some spitting, some ass slapping, creampie, hair-pulling, yoongi is a total dom but he’s also soft (don’t @ me), daddy kink (more like the use of “sir”)

song rec: “honsool” by agust d

a/n: just PURE fucking, filthy SMUT with 0% plot & NOT edited because i’m a SLUT for AGUST D/SUGA/YOONGI MIN! FuCK, like if you haven’t listened to D-2 yet, you’re clearly lacking some good DICK in ur life so make sure you go stream it because FUCK have I NOT been able to function since it’s release & the whole album has been on repeat & GODDAMMIT I am now officially YOONGI’s MAIN BITcH!!!

☞ disclaimer: Please drink responsibly. If any of the warnings listed above offends you in any way, please do not read. I am not 100% knowledgable of the history of Korea, therefore if any characters, settings, and/or facts/statements are incorrect, please disregard. However, this body of text is for entertainment purposes only. All characters, settings, scenarios, and dialogue are fictitious. Any similarity to events or persons, whether living or dead, is coincidental.

You’d been arranged a sudden journey to the dong of Myeongryebang, having received a letter from a nearby official that the emperor of Korea has requested your services. You carried nothing more than your cloth, tight-fitted hanbok. The emperor you’d heard of went by the name: Min Yoongi. Many townspeople spilt gibberish about his supposedly “ravishing” looks, yet you had never encountered him — not even once. If you could have pulled extra information from within “the book of gossips amongst the people of Jung-gu” you’d also discover that citizens raved mostly about his feline tendencies. Which was odd enough, you wouldn’t have known until you actually met him.

It was a brief moment when you’d taken in his appearance for the first time, and sure enough everyone was right. He looked exactly like a cat that it was nearly frightening. But fascinating at the same time. His rich, coffee-colored irises captured your attention. Evidently, you never knew any man with such intriguing, hooded lids that peer into your soul as if you’d just set up a “For Sale” sign. But it wasn’t just the eyes, it was him entirely. Lengthy, blonde strands draped down his figure, paired with those golden charms that dangled and adorned his ears. The geumbak-printed pattern of his black, silky hanbok shimmered on sight, startling whomever within his vicinity.

Yet again, it wasn’t just that.

The final attribute that grasped your attention, maybe even just did it for you like a finishing touch. The massive scar over his left eye, almost as if a sword had taken a clean slice. You’d only assumed it was evidence from a battle in which he’d won. But it was oh, so beautiful. The blemish spoke a thousand words — showing you that he’s powerful, willing, loyal, and courageous.

The moment Emperor Min laced his fingers around your waist and gazed deeply into your eyes, after you’d cited a few old Korean proverbs and sang a song, your entire being electrified with an overwhelming sense of lust. It was almost as if he’d lured you into a trance. And before you knew it, his cupid bow-shaped lips smashed with yours. The slightly dry texture rubbing against your top lip, and tugging your bottom lip back into place. His brawny, large hands grasped you tighter, pulling you flush to his body.

He smelt of flowers you’d happen upon somewhere in the fields, and his lips tasted of the deep, red bokbunja-ju he doused during your performance. He was intoxicated; the blackberries working as an aphrodisiac, clouding his judgment that he could no longer control himself, needing some type of relief especially during these hard times — a dry spell long overdue. He tugs your lip and sucks harshly, his kisses filled with nothing but lust and hunger. His erection throbs reluctantly at the sound of your soft whimpers.

“Shhh, princess. Can’t let anyone hear us, now can we?” He pulls away to whisper in your ear, sending chills down your spine. You nod your head in a “no” gesture, fully aware that your duties are to not involve sexual or romantic matters within your line of work — all the more reason the situation is exhilarating. His thumb and index finger lift your chin up and he cocks his eyebrow at you.

“Answer me, princess.” He demands, a slight sparkle in his eye from the ambient light of the oil lamps in the palace.

“Yes, Sir.” You slip, with a whine followed afterward. A coy smirk appears on his face, and he slips his hand behind your head to pull you towards his lips again, and this time he presses further. His tongue glides across your bottom lip, and you give in easily consumed by him and nothing but him. Before you could process everything, the night had just begun with pieces of your hanbok strewn across the flooring of the bedroom, left only in your undergarment. He has you underneath him, caged in his embrace as he hovers over you, planting love bites along your chest and being cautious to delicately nip at your neck and jawline, to not mark you enough that people would notice his markings on your body. The harmony of muffled moans and wet kisses fills your eardrums.

Your fingers find placement in Yoongi’s mane, the silky strands landing gracefully along and around your skin. Having removed your jeogori, your breasts on full display, Yoongi eases down your body to place kisses along your sternum and tummy.  He trails his lips back up again and presses them against your nipples, easing his tongue out to work in a clockwise motion around your areola. His lips encase around your stiff bud, sucking ever so greatly, resulting in a rapid heat building down below. You quietly slip a whine, grinding yourself up against him.

“Look at you.. Warm and ready for me.” Yoongi coos while massaging your tits and flicking his tongue along your nips.

“Should I fill you up with my children? Make you so full of me that when anyone asks of your Emperor, all you’ll think of is how full you are of his cum, hm?” His fingers dig into your sides while he continues to suck your breasts as if they oozed milk. You delay in answering him, and he slaps your thigh, a sudden gasp escaping your lips.

“Speak when you’re spoken to, princess.”

You nod quickly, “Y-yes, Sir!” Desperate for his touch and cock.

“I don’t think you deserve my children, do you?” He abruptly stops his sucking session, and you squirm in response, needing to feel his mouth on you due to the rising heat within your core.

“Yes! I do, Sir. Please. Want you to fill me up so much.”

Your desperate cries and his desire to roam your body leaves Yoongi with no choice but to un-tie your dari sokgot. His fingers find placement on the thick material, the veins in his hands popping as he does so. Your wet pussy revealed to his eyes. He hums in response, flinging the fabric out of reach. Your impatience grows, as Yoongi places kisses along your abdomen, moving along your inner thighs. He notes your hips bucking in response to his ministrations.

“Patience, my princess.” Your eyebrows furrow due to the arousal peaking within the pit of your tummy. You need him badly, it’s now or never. Your kitty clenches, and it’s as if he senses this, his cold fingers slither up and down your folds.

“Mmm, Yoongi.” You moan, bucking your hips upwards yet again. He plants a gentle kiss on the mound of your cunt, slowly easing down to your outer lips, teasing you just an inch more. He uses his index and middle fingers to spread your lips apart, displaying your throbbing, drenched, cunt that aches for his attention. He gazes upon you and notes your fucked out expression — a small smirk appearing on his face.

“Is this all for me, hm?” His warm breath blanketing your core as his fingers  coat themselves with your wetness, dragging them along your folds and salivating at the sight. You nod as a reply, your nerves anticipating for his next move. His thumb pulls your clitoral hood back and he teases yet again with a soft kiss straight onto the bud.

Your legs fight back, wiggling and writhing underneath him, but he applies pressure onto you, holding you still to the bed. Your core glistens in the small space of the atmosphere, and with that his tongue lays flat and glides up your lips in one lick.

“Ungh, Yoongi!”

It’s the eyes. They will be the death of you, literally. Yoongi glares into your hooded lids as his tongue travels up, down, and all around your core. He continues to eat you out as if it’s his last meal, like the 너비아니 (neobiani) he’d consumed for dinner that same night. Savory, juicy, and full of flavor. He laps and sucks at your clit, making the most obscene noises with his tongue and lips that drive you wild. Your hips grind in rhythm towards his gestures. A shot of vibration flows from below. You realize Yoongi is moaning into you and it’s nearly enough for your orgasm to impend. He pulls away to drop a line of saliva onto your already soaked pussy, he eases his index finger inside of you, your walls calling his name as they continue to contract, drawing his finger in deeper.

“Mmm that’s right, princess. So tight and warm all for me.” His digits slide in and out continuously while rubbing your clit with his thumb. He eases in a second finger, stretching you slightly to prepare you for his member soon. His tongue finds your clit again, flicking and sucking harshly. Your toes naturally begin to curl, your fingers find their path into Yoongi’s strands, pulling tightly.

“I-I’m going to-” Your breath hitches and Yoongi witnesses your reaction, admiring the vision in front of him.

“Cum.” He more-so demands, rather than finishing your sentence for you. His fingers still inside of your cunt, rubbing against that one spot in your walls, with his lips wrapped around your clit.

But again.

It was the sight of those feline eyes, focusing on you, that was enough for your orgasm to crash upon you. Your thighs trembled and shaked violently, while calling out his name, and Yoongi wasn’t sure if it was the wine he’d become drunk off of, but there was a sentiment of nostalgia there. Hearing you murmur his name repeatedly, like it was a daily prayer or mantra. Your walls contracted around his fingers, and he couldn’t place another feeling in the universe that he’d rather feel everyday for the rest of his life and never grow weary of. Observing the blissful expression on your face from his simple gesture of pleasing you, sparked something in him.

Yet, the night advanced with his naked form underneath you. His breathtaking, blonde mane strewn along the bed of which you both laid upon. You distractedly began playing with the strands, admiring how lengthy each fibre was. His cock erect and mushroom tip a deep-rosy shade of color, oozed of precum. He stroked his member as he watched you pet his hair softly, which felt like pure silk.

“Princess?” He slips while loosening his grip from stroking himself. Your eyes meet his, and he’s already smiling softly at you.

“Yes, Emperor Min?” Yoongi snarks at your sudden formality. A smirk re-appearing on his face.

“That’s not what you were just calling me a few minutes ago.” You roll your eyes in return, which results in a harsh smack on your left ass cheek.

“Going to be nice to me, now?”

Your eyebrows furrow in response to the small shock of pain, slightly turned on at the same time. “Y-yes, Sir.”

“Hm, good girl.” Yoongi wraps his fingers around his cock, and you take note of how gorgeous it is. He’s not too big and not too small, just right. He rubs his member along your folds, coating his tip and mixing your juices with his precum. You slowly sink yourself down onto him. His hands grip your hips to help ease you down further, and there’s a slight burn from the thickness of him that feels beyond words. He stretches you more than you have been before, and you can’t help but moan his name for the thousandth time. He bucks upwards, giving you the last few inches of himself and he’s buried to the hilt.

“Oh, Princess!” He moans, and it even shocks you. Some part of you feel that it’s the alcohol talking. “Wow, you’re so wet. You feel so good, I don’t want- Fuck. Please don’t leave me. Stay. Stay here with me. I’ll arrange for us a-” he cuts himself off, eyes shutting at the tightness of your pussy wrapped around his shaft.

“Wedding. We’ll get married and have- we’ll have” You move yourself up and come back down, and again. And again. Your hips grind back and forth, sucking his cock inside of you and gliding along your walls. Your head falls back, completely wrapped up in the pleasure of his rock-hard member massaging your walls to the fullest amount of pleasure. He felt amazing, and he still does.

“Children. Many children.” Yoongi bucks back up into you again, gaining some control. And he doesn’t let up, no. For the remainder of the night, he fucked you into oblivion — orgasm after orgasm followed. You’d ended the night, wrapped up in his arms, trembling from overstimulation. But, it wasn’t the first time. It continued this way, every night when he’d drink himself into a pool of lust, and he loved fucking you. You even recalled one night when he couldn’t hold himself any longer yet again and proceeded to screw you from behind at the gates near the entrance of the palace. He slipped your sokgot completely off and bent you over, ramming into you relentlessly, his hand covered your mouth to muffle your moans and groans.

A rush of excitement coursed through you, knowing that the guards could catch the two of you consumed in your lewd actions. The sound of Yoongi’s balls slapping against your ass, echoes within your thoughts as you recall the memory. You remember the stinging sensation from the breeze freezing your ass cheeks mixed with the pleasure of Yoongi’s balls deep inside you.

“Don’t ever want to stop fucking you, my princess.” His hand grips your hair, pulling it back in a rough manner. Your back flushed against his chest as he whispers in your ear, “Have my children.”

With his last few thrusts, your body jerking forward, Yoongi pants as his orgasm crashes upon him. His groin tightens and stiffens itself, streams of his cum spurts deep into your core, coating your insides with nothing but him. He rests his forehead onto your shoulder, his warm breath smothering your cheek, contrasting with the cool, fall weather of the night.

“I love you, dear ____.”

A small sigh of relief escapes your lips. And at this moment, you couldn’t ask for anything else to make you happier, the warmth of Yoongi’s cum seeping from your sore kitty and the sound of his raspy voice causes your heart to flutter, and now you feel like you’re flyin’.

YWBK update: chapter 25 + liner notes

yesterday will be kinder has updated! you can read chapter 25 here, or start from the beginning here

okay, on to notes and commentary! first time i’m doing these, let’s hope this works out. commentary under the cut to save people’s dashes

Hamin laughs. “Given how bad you are at not being suspicious, that’s understandable.” “Oh, come on, I’m not that bad.” Hamin screws up his whole face in a squint. “Okay, so maybe I’m a little bad.”

this part was really funny to me when i wrote it because i was like “hmm reasons for DHM to understand why HHJ wouldn’t work in the guild” and then i was like Wait. Their Whole First Meeting, Dude. DHM was lowkey convinced for the longest time that HHJ was like, on the run from the KR version of the mafia, and got plastic surgery to look like his little brothers, and is possibly in some sort of witness protection program??? or something??? how else does he not have cops on his ass this man is so suspicious all the time

“I don’t think… They said the dungeons were, like, different worlds? Did they find people there?”

mafia theory second place. dungeon theory first place

“Like, humans? Um. No, no humans.” “So then you can’t be from there. Okay.”

dungeon theory shot down. mafia theory back in the running

“Hey,” he says cautiously. “I’m— I’m gonna go get us some water, okay? Why don’t you… take a minute.” “Okay.” “The bathroom is over there, if you need it.” “Okay. Thank you.”

after four years working alongside a guy you start to notice when he’s feeling a little out of it and needs a bit of a break... but as JHW mentions later you also learn to be a little subtle about giving him one

jung heewon What’s with your typing? It reads like Jihye’s [HYJ]’s fine. Very energetic Too energetic? He’s going to burn out. How do I make him calm down

Epic Burnout Man makes a reappearance! when translating sclass one of the things that makes me want to shake HYJ most is his habit of constantly adding things to his to-do list while he already has 1 billion things on his plate. and all the time he’s whining about “UGH there’s SO MUCH WORK to do” No One Asked You To Do It

Anyway. the point is. HYJ isn’t about to be beat by HHJ at Developing Issues 😔

jung heewon I haven’t spoken to him directly about this because if he’s anything like you he’ll take it as an insult You wtf whts tht supposed 2 mean quit typing jung heewon Better not say shit, mr “No, I can’t take days off and cater to my interests or go out with friends or on a date, I’m too busy taking care of the kids and making sure their needs are met, no I don’t care that there are thousands of people out there balancing personal enjoyment and romance and work AND kids at the same time, are you suggesting I be a BAD GUARDIAN to MY KIDS?”

see above re: not being too direct with pointing out when HHJ’s having Issues because he doesn’t react well

You wht but our eyes r fine jung heewon Even if having glasses doesn’t run in the family, you should still get him checked, just in case

top 10 funny time travel moments: referring to you and your past self as “us” (our = my eyes are fine), but other people think you mean “our family” (our eyes are fine = no family history of long/shortsightedness)

Also. Sooyoung-ie says hi [Attachment: 20XX1213_144516.jpg] 

ok no lie this was one of the parts that pissed me off the most, even though it’s Literally One Line, because. i love chat exchanges. i really do. when done right they’re a lot of fun to read. But Do You Know How Long It Took Me To Figure Out A Calendar For The Events In This Fic. now everything’s TIMED i have to count HOW MANY DAYS IT’S BEEN since XY event so i can CORRECTLY NUMBER the FILE ATTACHMENTS!!! this sucks!!! it took me fucking forever to pin down a timeline just so i could write this chapter plus the few before and after it!!!!

anyway i gave up when i reached year. i just put 20XX. fuck it. we are running on fairy tail time now. (actually i think that’s XXnumber number? XX76? or was it X796. something like that. Who cares i stopped watching fairy tail forever ago)

Fuck it! Hamin will understand!! “If you Awaken you should come work with me,” Han Hyunjae says all in a rush. 

“HAMIN WILL UNDERSTAND” => he literally was cool with me giving zero context for half a dozen absolute balls to the wall nonsense bullshit things i’ve done before. he’ll be fine with this too. dog_in_burning_house_this_is_fine.png

“You already know about the guilds, those are going to be for dungeon Hunters, but I was thinking of forming something like an independent group of contractors. Awakened people with skills that aren’t useful for combat, but that might… that will be generally useful. It’d be you and me, and maybe one other guy I met recently. Probably more in the future.”

given that HHJ has no idea currently that peace exists (i’m so sorry baby i’ll find a way to shoehorn you in soon i miss you so much) he’s got no intentions to start a kiseungsu business yet! he mostly wants to live quietly while just acting as a manager for other Awakening-related services, like YMW’s forge and DHM’s tracking service, along with the information exchange/lowkey spy ring that he’s planning on setting up with JHW and the bar. since HYH is fine associating with him in this timeline, HHJ’s thinking he can get a foot in the door that way, then eventually spread out into dealings with most major guild leaders

RIP to this plan. you were well-made but you will not last long.

“Please, I can’t tell you how I know that, I really can’t, it’d put me and my brothers in danger if it got out. But—” “No need.” Hamin looks slightly alarmed, and Han Hyunjae feels himself settle at the obvious concern in his eyes.

MAFIA THEORY RAPIDLY RISING TO PROMINENCE??? THIS IS NOT HOW DO HAMIN WANTED HIS GUESS CONFIRMED

“I spoke to the Task Force Head and she said that there’s been discussion about hosting a meeting for the nearby high-rankers, where they’ll announce the guild proposal and see who else is interested in trying it out.”

“they’ll announce” i’m sorry king 💔 you deserved a nap

(OH ALSO FUN FACT choi eunyoung is a canon character, not an OC of mine! she appears in uhhh i think late 140s? 150s? something like that)

“I think there’s… probably only one other S-rank who’s Awakened right now?”

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehhehe

Hamin beams. “No, they’re doing great! Spookie’s taken really well to the new housing situation, but I think Spots might miss the store…”

shoutout to @daemonic-dawn​ for letting me borrow a pet name, love u king. i had a much longer ramble about pet names here but i finished typing and realized it was all entirely off topic so i removed it for convenience

Hyunjae makes an annoyed noise in the back of his throat. “Don’t— I mean.” He huffs, visibly taking a deep breath, and Yoojin frowns reflexively. [...] “Is everything alright?” Yoojin kind of wants to be annoyed at his tone on principle, but he forces his shoulders to relax, matching Hyunjae’s posture. Though he can’t stop himself from being a little short when he answers.

things the brothers have learned in four years living together: getting confrontational often leads to arguments that just fizzle out anyway, so it’s way fucking easier to consciously tone down their combativeness in advance when talking to each other about things they have problems with, instead of screaming their heads off and then having to calm yoohyun down afterwards to boot

“I guess. Whatever.” Yoojin slumps. “Can I…” “Hm?” Hyunjae blinks at Yoojin as he gestures to the spot on the bed beside him, then jolts. “Oh! Yeah, sure, c’mere.” He opens his arms, and Yoojin goes over and flumps on the bed, head in Hyunjae’s lap. Almost immediately, Hyunjae starts stroking fingers through his hair, and Yoojin relaxes into the touch, listening as Hyunjae continues speaking.

cuddles 🥺🥺🥺 sorry i don’t have any other commentary here just. cuddles. extremely and overwhelmingly comforting for a man who spent the better part of 8 years(?) with no major positive relationships, and a kid who spent 12 years of early life basically abandoned by his parents. you had best bet they gave up on not hugging each other 1 year into this whole mess

Yoojin hums in acknowledgement. It’s not like he’d ever let himself get hurt; he has too many responsibilities to his family and friends. If he wants to be good enough to keep up, he can’t afford to fuck up like that. But… hyung will worry if he keeps working so hard. He can slow down a little for him. 

Problems disorder man when will you stop. the way he sees “getting hurt” as an inconvenience and an obstacle to his duties rather than a danger to himself. the way he doesn’t really care if he himself gets hurt, but if it’ll worry his family, then it’s a no-no. it’s just. wow. i know i wrote this but i hate him

“Not really. I talk to Myeongwoo about it sometimes.” “Ah, right, Myeongwoo.”

haha gays

“Don’t be weird about him,” Yoojin warns[...]. “I won’t, promise.”

if the “i won’t” line had a dialogue tag it’d be “Han Hyunjae lied”

“Is Eunwoo still in his relationship?” “Mhm, happy as ever. Apparently they’re trying long-distance, now that Eunwoo’s gone off to university abroad.”

three guesses for who eunwoo’s dating and you won’t need the first two

Hyunjae raises his hands like he’s going to deny the accusations levelled against him, so Yoojin seizes him by the collar and shakes him until he cries for mercy

oh my o/rv ass struggled so bad with not writing “shakes him like a man betrayed” here. it killed me not to. but in the end i prevailed (against, uh, myself. don’t think about it too hard.)

“Jeez, okay, he’s an F-rank!” “Eh?! Then why—” “He’s also got an SS-rank potential skill,” Hyunjae admits[...].

play-by-play of this scene because god if i draw any scene in this fic it would be this one just for the sheer hysterical nature of HYJ’s reaction:

YOOJIN: I HATE YOU WHAT THE FUCK WHY. TELL ME HIS RANK

HYUNJAE: HE’S AN F

YOOJIN: WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK?

HYUNJAE: he’s also got an SS-rank skill,

YOOJIN:

Hetalia Fics I Really Like

this  ⭐ will be for fics I really like. I’ll try not to star everything.

I’m starting with my favorite of all time and tbh I think the fandom should see this fic as a OG, like Auf Weiderstein Sweetheart or Gutters, I really do.

Are We Even Humans  ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ (Literally all the stars)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4103344

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5660761/chapters/25048773 (prequel)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7036330/chapters/16007758 (sequel)

The war is over, but putting together everything that fell apart will be a greater challenge than anyone is prepared to handle. Alliances dissolve, and the lines between friends and enemies are blurrier than ever before.

Opinion: Please read it. It is a series with a sequel and a prequel that can be read on its own but it’s so good. Imma go on a quick rant here. This fic is great from the writing, plot, characters, and the nuances of nationhood abilities. I literally rioted during the first chapter because it was so good. One of my absolutely favorite things in the fic and the series as a whole is Prussia. Kingdom of Prussia, German Democratic Republic, Gilbert Beilschmidt. His character progression and seeing him through the series as a whole is astounding. I was literally left shaken at the end of this series and I’ve read it twice. The OC’s are usually the antagonists, but hot damn, they are memorable OC’s who are great (terrible?) villains. And the family dynamics! The family dynamics are enough of a reason to read it by itself and the romances. Omg I love this fic so much. Main takeaways: astounding characterization, amazing plot, will cry, long read, and a reality check on what it means to be a nation.

Would it be too much if I did a separate post on how much I love this series and an in depth analysis? (I feel like such a nerd omg)

Hard Times Passing 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23516458/chapters/56397817

Alfred is homeless during the Great Depression and in his wanderings he's charged with the task of caring for a small orphaned Taiwan. AU-Human names used, Taiwan is a child.

Opinion: So incredibly heart warming. It’s well written and I love the dialogue so much. Also, the little cameos from other characters are an absolute delight. It’s a it short, but so wholesome.

Flowers Don’t Grow on Battlefields  ⭐

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14153106/chapters/32619954

https://archiveofourown.org/works/16898919/chapters/39697068 (sequel)

As war tightens its hold on the nations of the world, new alliances are formed. Nobody will escape the war unscathed. Italy only hopes that this time, he will find a way to save those he holds dearest.

Opinion: I realllly like this fic. Maybe I’m a bit bias because I remember reading it from like to third chapter and watching it get updated till the end, but this is really good. Cute gerita, great characterization, good plot, and some lines just really make me melt. And the fluff omg. There’s a sequel that’s linked under too that I may like more than the first. 

Who Knew (One Shot)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23516695#main

“The last time the two of them had any sort of contact was when Gilbert sent the letter to Matthew before the first war started.

That was twenty-six years ago. Twenty-six years Matthew had not seen Gilbert. Twenty-six years of Matthew worrying about if his fiancé was alive or not. Twenty-six years of Matthew thinking about all the horrible things that could be happening to Gilbert. Twenty-six years of Matthew wishing he could just see Gilbert, even if it were just for a second. Twenty-six years of pure hell for Matthew. Twenty-six years of being all alone.”

Matthew Williams, the personification of Canada, never thought that he would fall in love, but he did. He fell in love with Gilbert Beilschmidt, the personification of Prussia, but their romance would have to be cut short with the up coming war that was soon approaching them.

Opinion: My god my heart. Matthew had great characterization. Like amazingly so. 10/10 somber and melodic tones throughout the story. Good tension. And again, my heart. 

TELL ME A PIECE OF YOUR HISTORY  ⭐

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3741175/chapters/8294941#workskin

An account of the media reactions to the reveal of Nations (anthropomorphic national embodiments) with scholarly commentary.

Heavily inspired by: United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015) [fallingvoices, radialarch] with mixed genres.

Opinion: It’s really cool. It’s told through media, like email, twitter, texts, online magazines, subtitles of videos (not actual videos tho). I love the outside view point of the world on nations and how some people really like them and how others absolutely despise their very existence. One of the main things that sticks out the me is the in depth analysis other humans or posters do on the nations and people even interview the nations, chapter eight is like my favorite for that reason, or how some humans just gush about the nations on so media like how half the fandom does lol. It’s really good. Super creative, great insight on how to world sees the nations, and honestly a great read.

Red Winter (One shot and crossover!)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/909492

The Winter Soldier's new target: a Russian politician named Ivan Braginsky.

Things don't go as planned.

Opinion: Literally so cool. Like nations are total BS to outsiders, especially assassins. I was loosing it during this fic because from Bucky’s POV nations are something else. The writing is really solid and the author uses italics to highlight an action sound or word and even single-word thoughts. The fight scene is really entertaining but also it flows fantastically. 

In Costa Rica (Oneshot)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18614041

“You have this backwards,” McLaughlin said. “Everything. You have it all backwards.” He was a lithe man, looked to be in his mid-thirties. Schnabel leaned back in his chair. Outside, the afternoon rain started, and the frogs momentarily fell silent. “They are dangerous, aren’t they?” Two men discuss the nations and history.

Opinion: No actual nations appear in this fic. It’s just two men talking about the nations and it’s really interesting to see them humor and take seriously the idea of nations. They both discuss what they already know about the nations and theorize. Also hearing an outside perspective and how the nations effect the word around them is golden. I give this fic a big ol’ chef’s kiss. 

Finally, I’ll Just Miss You! (Oneshot)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/15553608

Countries will be abolished tomorrow. For the first time, they breathe and realize this might be their last breath and they’ll never wake up again. They want to wake up, they want to go to sleep, the land will still be there when they’re gone. But they breathe, it won’t be the same- for once, they feel human.

Opinion: Bro, I swear I’m not crying. This one is short but really bittersweet and my heart really hurts. I like the snippets of insight on the characters. 

Diamond in the Rough  ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ 

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12872642/1/

The year is 1952, the last full year of Joseph Stalin's rule over the Soviet Union. After an incident with Latvia, Estonia is determined to find out what Russia did to him. And so unfolds a chain of events that would lead the Baltic States to tears, to forgiveness, to unexpected courage and horrifying discoveries about the mysterious past of Gilbert Beilschmidt. See AN for rating.

Opinion: This just be a legitimate book. I have honestly read this one like three time and every time I read it I am absolutely elated to discover another detail or action I missed. It is a longer read but I think it is absolutely worth it. For one, the characterization is beautiful. Maybe I might be bias because I stan and love the Baltics, but how they are written compared to the many other fics I’ve read on them is phenomenal. While the author does take some creative liberties and deviates from canon a little, like the Baltics actually considering themselves to be brothers, I really enjoy the changes. ALSO, the history and research and on this fic is genuinely impressive. To think fic authors do this shit for fun and pour so much of their passion into a piece of writing. Secondly, while Russia may be an antagonist in this story, I honestly think it is just. His mentality, backstory, and current predicament explain his behavior and make him a justifiable antagonist. I highly recommend this one. 

Adieux (Oneshot)

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700886/1/

What happens to nations after they cease to exist? Do they simply disappear or do they get a second chance? It wasn't a subject Francis was particularly keen on finding out about...but at the same time, it wasn't something he could just ignore. One-shot

Opinion: I hate this fic because I love it way too much. I might of cried a little bit and I instantly melt of Francis and Matthew. 

In Our Solemn Hour (incomplete) ⭐

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8975529/30/In-Our-Solemn-Hour

The time was World War II, at the dawn of a global conflict like nothing any of the Nations had ever seen before. Nothing could've prepared them for what lay ahead: a war more total and radical than anything they could ever have imagined. This wasn't just business as usual; it was centuries' worth of pent-up emotions all coming into play at once. This was indeed their darkest hour.

Opinion: Characterization is on point. One part of this fic I remember very well during a fight to the death, Finland mutters a little “Oh dear”. The characters retain some of the qualities that make them silly in Hetalia but because this is another take on it it does get darker. I think Germany’s portrayal is my favorite because he does cruel and unnesscary things and questions it because its not his usal nature. The author notes are super insightful and sometimes funny; it really adds to the rest of the story. I might revisit this post to make a more in depth opinion on it because I don’t remember it all to well when I know I really like this one.

So that was my post lol. I’ll probably make more on other fandoms later tbh or I’ll just make a part two. If you end up reading about any of these posts, please feel free to tell me about them! I love talking about fics and reading in general. Thanks for reading!

My thoughts on Chemical Hearts

This is probably a mess, a long mess, but thank you if you read it, and feel free to ask me something or talk about it, I love talking and analyzing movies 

First of all, I LOVED the movie, I will watch it probably a lot. Great cinematography, and the ambience of the whole movie, and how they let the natural sounds of the scenes and places be heard, I think that makes it more raw and more open to feel like you are part of this movie

The scene where Henry search up Grace was sooo fun, I loved seeing those photos of Lili and that Austyn did a cameo lol. Maybe I would of liked more if they did the scene with Lola and Muz on the basement (that it’s not in the movie)

I LOVE LOVE LOVE the relationship of Cora and La god they are so beautiful! I would love more of La and the kind of (really kind of) friendship she had with Grace, and how she called out Henry in the book but I loved her whoever, such a great character

MUZ my baby, he is such a softy (lol), I felt like he needed more lines maybe, but the moments he was there he was so funny

I loved how Lili acted (obviously), but like the progression of the Grace and the ups and downs where really good, and she pulled it off perfectly. Her acting was very raw and very sincere and she made me feel everything that she was feeling

The same goes to Austin, his acting was so good, and how he transmitted the sentiments through his face too, it was really good. He made me relate to him in some scenes (like the awkward things he did when Grace went to his house for the first time, how he doesn’t know how to express himself, thats literally me lol, or (Im writing this as I watch) the part he loses his bus only bc he wanted to talk to Grace, makes me remember some shit I did for a boy two year ago

Adored the soundtrack, even tho i would have loved if at least one song of the strokes were on the movie (don’t know how that works), but I loved it either way

Cora speaking in spanish, that’s it

I loved the scene where Grace explains how oblivion is having your sins wiped away and when she showed him the engraved on Latin, and how she was in kind of a moment of vulnerability and she didn’t realize and then when Henry asked she closed up, they both killed that scene

Loved the details, like the art Henry does, and how is something they use it throughout the movie, like when Grace says that she is not like the vases or how in the end when grace gives him the poem all pieced together right after he finished reading about the scars, it shows that the “scars” of the paper were similar to the “scars” of the vases he fixes.

God, when Muz says “what if she is hanging out with her boyfriend?” and it goes to the scene where she goes to the dom’s grave, was so heartbreaking

THE TRACK SCENE, that broke me literally, the way Lili pulled it off so well, then again, the fact that they let the natural sounds on the scene, makes it more raw and you feel it so much more

The line about being young is so painful hit me, bc i am a teenager (lol), and it’s true, and I feel and felt everything Grace described

Lili really pulled off (I don’t know how many times I used that expression lol) the sentiment Grace has of grief and guilt for both sides, like for Dom, and she feels kind of guilty that she can’t give more to Henry, and at the same time you can see that she is trying, don’t know how she did that but she did it great

The part Grace says the thing of changes and how we change and we are never the same it’s so on point and kind of called out Henry when he asked that question, and then it came that scene where he says something like “do more old Grace things” that kind of reminds you that Henry still has this idolized Grace in his mind

Again, with the guilt part, when they are about to kiss and the song starts playing and like there are no words in that moment of what Grace is feeling but you can see it all in her face and it’s so good, and then that kiss on the street and the immediate regret and the guilt again, it was really good, and like confusing bc it had to be confusing

Something I would liked to see is the powerpoint lol but it’s okay

One thing I related with Grace was how she didn’t let herself feel the emotions after Dom’s death, cause a few years back I did kind of the same thing with my grandma’s death

The sex scene was really honest and that was really good, and when she wakes up and cries enters again the theme of the guilt and obviously she pulled it off perfect. While watching it I thought about on interview of Richard and he explain how they wanted to film that scene, and I think it worked really well

The scene where they go to the place with dom’s things hints that she is clearly trying and how she started to drive again

The chemistry between Austin and Lili was so good too! the whole cast was so on point, but the two relationships have great chemistry

The scene when they are at Dom’s room retakes the guilt and breaks the cliche of romance movies where the person moves on in like two days and that was really good. There is this mix of, like I said, guilt from Grace in both sides and she trying to explain that she is trying but she can’t give him more bc it’s difficult, and how Henry is selfish and the he realizes it and he realizes that he had an idolized view of her. I said this already on a post, but the fact they put the dialogue of “why do you kiss me like that” in this scene it made it 5 more times heartbreaking, and I loved the fact that she replied and looked over to Dom’s picture

What Henry’s sister says after is true and I really liked it, I liked her character a lot

ok THE SCENE, the pond scene, I loved it, Lili did so wonderful in that scene, so heartbreaking and raw, it was truly beautifully sad. And retakes the guilt she feels. And it’s, too, the moment she let’s herself sob and feel her pain and Lili killed it.

The final scene(s) are really good and bittersweet (as it is the whole movie) and I really liked how they showed how Grace was doing better and how Henry was trying to go through heartbreak till he could face her again. Again, I loved the details on the poem and the “scars” of it being similar to the scars of the vases he makes.

The final final scene is so sweet! and loved the group together and the little scene of friendship between La and Henry

So in conclusion: I LOVED the movie clearly, I would love for it to be longer and to have more of the side characters and friendships

Review for Trish’s Dream Fic

Trish ( @couragedontdesertme  ) said she’d write an epilogue of the elsarik dream Fic if I made a Formal Review of the elsarik dream fic. So here we are.

Please note review should be taken VERY LIGHTLY this is more or less me re-reading the Fic and loudly yelling about things with too many exclamation points. Enjoy Trish.

Ch1

First of all imagine my fucking surprise I didn’t even know you had gotten work done on the dream fic???? Here I was thinking the link you sent me was the next chapter of city of ice and then I click on it and it saYS DREAM FIC???? E X C U S E M E oh my goodness

The first section is just so entirely domestic and beautiful and you can tell how lived in and content they are in their life as roommates. ALARIK (listen my phone autocorrects ALARIK to be in all caps and I’m too lazy to fix it so y’all are gonna have to deal with reading ALARIK’s name as if I’m yelling it every time I type it) anyway ALARIK just bringing her the chocolate croissants she loves so dearly and Elsa curling up with a book and him fretting and worrying over her being there alone all day and later... it’s just SO DOMESTIC. it’s such a small short moment but it’s so domestic and a perfect opposite of the PAIN THAT HAPPENS AFTER!!! And we al know I LOVE READING PAIN

The fact that ALARIK was only home late because he was doing tutoring to earn more money to by Elsa A PRESENT????? Shut up no one speak to me that’s true love but also PAINFUL the guilt he must feel oh my god

Elsa...stops struggling... because she doesn’t want ,,,, ALARIK ,,,, to get hurt. Because she cares for his safety more than her own because he has protected her and he is her friend and she loves him I am going to SCREAM

The fact that you use the phrase ~marching her out of the warmth of the room~ when she just used her magic to like cover the walls in frost makes my Heart burst cause idk if it was intentional or not but I just love the thought that this room has become Home to her it’s become safe and beautiful and lovely and WARM because it is full of love and friendship and companionship rather than the cold loneliness of say her ice palace of her locked room as a child. I like to think Elsa could have covered the room entirely in ice and snow and frost and it would still feel warm to her because of the love that’s developed there thank you for coming to my tedtalk

Ugh fuck hans

I have literally no words other than fuck hans for any section with hans in it I DONT even want to RECOGNIZE THAT HE EXISTS !!! Making Elsa feel like she’s nothing I am going to punch him in the eye

~ALARIK weeps over smushed chocolate croissant. End scene~

I know that it’s such a heartbreaking sad ending for that first chapter but also I really can’t stop laughing about him crying over a stepped on croissant since I know that your like planning note for that last scene was literally just some variant of ALARIK cried over a smushed croissant and that’s just such a funny IMAGE TO ME EVEN THOUGH ITS SAD

I just like to imagine ALARIK cradling the chocolate croissant in his arms like a bébé as he sobs

Ch2

I’m fucking S A D

ALARIK having like NO MONEY and just thinking about that the money he has was going to go to a gift for Elsa and the guard LAUGHING AT HIM LIKE THATS IT THATS ALL YOU HAVE?? Like shut UP HES TRYING TO SAVE HIS BELOVED

P e t t y c h a n g e HE IS TRYING MR GUARD I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW HE WORKED EXTRA TO GET THAT MONEY

ALARIK is so fucking DEVOTED I’m going to run through a goddamn wall I cannot cope. Willing to sell the clothes off his back have you ever seen an idiot more iN LOVE

ALARIK just going willingly cause he has no fight left in him and he just wants to see Elsa even if it means he gets imprisoned too oh my GOD

THE SCENE ITS THE SCENE!!!!!!!!!

STRAIGHT FROM TRISH’S SUBCONSCIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAT STARTED IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!

ALARIK wanting to hold her hands when her hands are what are chained up and seen as dangerous and what ~make her a witch~ the absolute love and power that holds.

LET ALARIK AND ELSA HOLD HANDS

“I promised to keep you safe” the pain I feel oh mY GOD

“They’ll KILL you” they’re really out here trying to protect each other at all costs oh my god nothing matters more to the other than keeping the other safe and for that I want to cry and love them and also I want to ram their heads into the wall because wHY WONT THEY JUST PROTECT ESCH OTHER TOGETHER

The PARALLEL OH MY FUCKING GOD

the P A R A L L E L of ALARIK stilling and no longer struggling when the guards threaten Elsa’s death in the same way that Elsa stilled and stopped struggling when they threatened ALARIK’s death oh my god that broke me right there

U g h hans fuck that guy

A N N A !!!!!!!!

When I first read this,,, I DONT know why??? But for some reason??? I didn’t think Anna would be in it???? Which like thinking back on that it makes no sense of COURSE Anna would be in the FIC why would I ever think otherwise. But anyway I was so surprised when she showed up I literally gasped and went ANNA??? Out loud because I was so shocked

ALFAFA GERANIUM

ALARIK really is just so bad under pressure who thought this was a good idea

AG FOR SHORT wink wink nudge nudge cough cough

I’ll be thinking about ALARIK shouting alfafa geranium on my death bed let us never forget

“No harm, no foul” is literally the most fucking Anna line I’ve ever heard. She absolutely would say that to someone who was being question for a crime she’d be like “it’s not biggy”

Why is it that when hans says “BUT ANNA!!!” I hear it like he’s wining like a petulant child I read it like “bUT annNNAAAAA” ugh I hate him

“Don’t scream” *ALARIK’s inner monologue* “this ,, is the story of how I died”

ILL HELP YOU HELP HER ESCAPE!!!!! HELL YEA YOU WILL ANNA HELL YEA YOU WILL

Ch3

My dumbass really went “why are none of the children named neta” before remembering that is the child of Anna and Kristoff and these...are the children of Anna ,,, and .... ugh please don’t make me say his name

I would die for these kids though I love them and I want to protect them at all costs 

Johannes at 5 (and a half!!!!) being a fine soldier GOOD FOR HIM

Isak owns my entire heart from the moment he started fake crying for his mother what a star performer a true Actor he’s too good

Arendellian Royal Guards, are they guards? Or are they simply baby sitters? The world may never know

JOAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One of the babies being named JOAN!!! Hang in there Joan!!!!!!!!! That made me cry oh my god J O A N

Bébé Isak lookout supreme with his big eyeballs and smile and goofy lil salute I love him

The fact that Elsa says she felt stupid for being lured into a false sense of security means she felt secure and safe for literally the first time since she was a child when she was with ALARIK and I cannot properly articulate how much that made me cry I love that so much that has to mean sO MUCH TO HER oh my god

“You have to get out!! Do the magic!!” NO ONE SPEAK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT THIS LINE FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL MONTHS I LITERALLY WEPT

the use of DO THE MAGIC oh my god AND ELSAS HEART LIKE BREAKING BECAUSE SHE FEELS LIKE SHE CANT

DO ! THE ! MAGIC !

Brave little boy with his mother’s determination saying “be brave. That’s what mama said to tell you” oh my GOD THESE CHILDREN HAVE MY WHOLE HEART OH MY GOD

A rooster crow for the signal COUKD they be more obvious I love these kids they’re ridiculous they are truly the children of Anna

Elsa!!! Chose!! To be!!! Brave!!!

IF SHE TRIED TO SAY GOODBYE TO ELSA!!! SHE MAY NEVER LET GO!!!

SHE HAD NO WHERE TO GO!!! BUT SHE DOES BEVAUSE THERES ALARIK WAITING FOR HER BECAUSE GUESS WHAT

ALARIK IS HER HOME !!!!! HE IS HER HOME !!!! SHE CAN GO TO HIM!!!!

Queue another one of my shocked and delightfully surprised screams as I shouted KRISTOFF????? Because blonde dude driving a reindeer cart

Let’s get you somewhere safe I’m going to cry THEYRE finally together again and they can keep each other safe together as. They. Should.

They are cuddling and my heart is exploding oh my god ALARIK seems so surprised like you big dumb idiot you’re both in love with each other it’s a mutual thing get with the program

SLEEP ELSA! ITS GOING TO BE OKAY! AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN PROBABLY FOREVER! IT WILL BE!

Ch4

*queue another gasp* there’s only one bed?????

Yea I saw it coming yea I was just as shocked even so yea I got very excited about it wHAT DID YOU EXPECT

They’re cUDDLING and he went to move away and she DOESNT WANT HIM TO they could’ve been sharing a bed THIS WHOLE TIME AND I JUST WANT TO SCREAM BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY

ALARIK laying all the credit on kristoff and the kids when he’s kind of the one that steamrolled the whole plan into happening because he’s the one who showed up ALARIK please give yourself more credit

“You came back” “of course I came back... I couldnt ...” “why?” And then ALARIK refusing to meet her eyes has me absolutely weeping this is the kind of shit I THRIVE ON this is truly a gift to us all everyone say thank you Trish for these three bits of dialogue I will be thinking about them for all my days

ELSA KISSED HIM!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I do lose my shit anytime Elsa is the one to make the first move you go girl you go

THE SPICE VENDOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bringing in all my favorites I am going to cry thank you Trish I love Darius

I SUPPOSE YOU TWO HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN MARRIED

listen I SCREAMED WHEN HE SAID THAT I SQUAWKED!!!! MARRIED!!!!!!

I had been observing you two and just assumed!!!!! You would assume right mr spice vendor sir if they WERENT so stupid for so long it’s okay we understand

WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ??? And Elsa says MARRY US? And ALARIK is going to PASS THE FUCK OUT

He literally got to finally kiss the woman he’s in love with for the first time last night and now they’re getting married poor boy is going to get WHIPLASH from how fast things are progressing but it’s okay im sure he is happy

Elsa’s little vows of just needing each other and keeping each other safe and keeping company and not needing gold or silver ugh TRUE LOVE

And ALARIK hopelessly devoted to her being like I PROMISE

“just you being there no matter what is enough” peak romance true love the devotion the dedication I’m a wreck

LE SMOOCH! LE MARRIAGE! INCREDIBLE I LOVE THEM

~end review~

Okay where is my epilogue please and thank you

I just finished watching all of the Kingdom Hearts game cutscenes in 16 days! Under the cut, my super-long analysis post.

This was such a bad idea and also the best I’ve ever had. I can no longer tell the events of separate games apart, other than the stuff I added to this post’s draft while watching, but it’s given me so much to do in the quaran-times.

I would say my favorite games at this point are KH3, BBS, and 358/2 Days. I actually played through KH3 to like 90 something percent so I’m most attached to it, but storywise Aqua, Ventus, Roxas, and Axel/Lea have the best plots. If I had to pick a top favorite, other than Sora(because. Well. Sora’s my chosen middle name for a reason) I would say it’s Axel/Lea, and Aqua is the world’s closest second.

My favorite Disney worlds are probably Traverse Town for the music, Nightmare Before Christmas for the costumes(both the wintery ones and the spooky ones), Disney Town for the character appearances and aesthetic/colors, and BH6 for the plot/dialogue. Honorable mention to Hunchback of Notre Dame for being the only one I hadn’t heard about before starting this journey AND being a friend’s current hyperfixation so I got to share hyperfix joy with them for a bit.

I think Aqua has the best voice in the series. Especially with BBS 0.2/KH2.8 there’s quite a few scenes where the only dialogue is her talking to herself and she’s got such an emotional, pretty voice to pair with her heartbreaking journey home.

Axel/Lea’s relationship with his name is the same as a trans person with their deadname and I love that for him. For example, in the end of Dream Drop Distance, he gets frustrated with Riku not knowing it’s changed to Lea again but gives up on correcting him because the rest of what’s going on is more important. I’ve definitely done that with people deadnaming me.

On the other side of that coin, in ReMIND Demyx struggles to remember it’s Ienzo, not Zexion, but he corrects himself over and over. He doesn’t seem to want to deadname Ienzo, he just hasn’t gotten used to it yet. I think that more than anything else is what proved to me personally that Demyx really was trying to do something good.

Also, with Axel/Lea, can he not make bad jokes IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS OWN DEATH? Hello?! I said this on Twitter but hey, buddy, I love you dearly but now isn’t the time.

Xion’s name is pronounced she-on, not zee-on like I thought when I read it. Idk why I thought it was that way when I read it printed but it’s not.

Donald is always cute, all the time, and he’s cutest when he and Sora are squabbling like little kids. I love him. Or maybe that’s the Ducktales fan bias creeping in...

Speaking of HEY, WAS ANYONE GONNA TELL ME HDL AND SCROOGE ARE IN MORE THAN JUST THE KH TRILOGY?!?! What a pleasant surprise to see Scrooge in BBS and to visit Disney Town.

Nobodies make the wobble sound of laminated paper being shaken. I keep thinking about that for no reason.

Does anyone else think Riku saying he can “smell the darkness” on people in ReCOM is weird? Am I just really late to the party, or are we just going to ignore that? Yeah? Okay.

Aqua’s end of Birth by Sleep has some of the sweetest, most poetic dialogue in the series imo. When Aqua and Mickey are talking about Ven, and Sora and Riku talking about hurt within the heart? Yeah. I’ll cry.

Also, another sad scene: Isa and Lea as kids when Lea explains his whole “get it memorized” thing is so he can be remembered and live on, if need be. I cried real tears at that one.

Conversely, some of my favorite sweet scenes are: in the beginning of BBS when Aqua tells Ven and Terra they’d “make the weirdest brothers,” Sora meeting Santa in KH2(I think?) which reminds you hey, these are children, the scene right after they find out Goofy’s not dead and Donald flips out, Lea summoning his Keyblade for the first time(powermove,) and of course the series of reunions in KH3. There’s at least a solid scene or two in each game that really warms my cold sad heart.

Speaking of the KH3 reunions, the best one I think was Xion, Roxas, and Lea’s. At least with Aqua/Terra/Ven they started out with hope, and Aqua and Ven at least had the ability to hold onto that hope to get them through. The ex-Nobody crowd really didn’t have anything. Just the promise that they’d meet again, and maybe not even in this life. I will cry.

Some of the voice casting is surprisingly great. Like, Nala’s voiced by Vanessa Marshall, who did Gamora in the GOTG tv series. Love her. And Hynden Walch who does Starfire is the Alice voice at one point which was such a pleasant surprise.

Also hey, Zachary Levi went so fucking HARD on his voice work. Even Rapunzel has some lines that fall a little flat compared to the tone of the original, like the KH version of the “first time outdoors” sequence. But Flynn Rider has this consistent energy to him that I really love.

In ReCoded I really liked the second-person Mickey narration. Idk why. It just made me super happy.

Hercules is a movie that frequently becomes a level in these games and like every time they continue that trend of Phil’s “I got two words for you” joke like guys, wasn’t the thing in the original that it translated to two words in Greek? Not that he couldn’t count? Anyway that’s the best reoccurring joke. I hate it and love it in equal measure.

One of the frequent things in KH that I love is there’s this sense of ridiculousness to it. Like, it’s a lovely story with excellent worldbuilding and character designs, with a brilliantly complex plot, but like. You get into scenarios like the end of ReMIND, and Sora’s time-travelled to save his dying and sorta already dead friend(Kairi). He’s cradling his other dying friend in his arms and talking about how he found his way to them by tracing the connections between their hearts. Beautiful, poetic, showstopping, right? Except it’s Mickey motherfucking Mouse. You can’t find this anywhere else.

Speaking of ReMIND, the part where Sora connects all the keyhole things? It looks like a starry sky full of constellations? Yeah. Holy fucking SHIT is that pretty. I literally had to pause it twice to absorb the visuals in that scene.

To end off, here’s some of my pride headcanons: Terra and Xion are trans, Ventus and Riku are nonbinary, Saïx/Isa is agender, and Sora is genderfluid. Axel/Lea is pan, Kairi, Riku, and Sora are poly, and Aqua is bi. ((I definitely have more of these but these ones I think are most important.))

I retaliate/reward you with writer asks 2, 3, 4, 12, 22, 24, 36, 37, 39 and 42 ;D

Sounds good to me. XD

Okay, let's break these down. (I've crammed things that should be separated in different paragraphs in the same paragraph because of the structure of the ask. I just think it is easier to navigate it that way even if more paragraphs would make more sense. That way every opinion is constricted in one paragraph and you can tell which point it refers to easier. (At least imo.))

(I can't put a read more link rn as I'm on mobile. Sorry.)

2. Don't use adverbs

I cannot begin to describe to you how much I LOATHE this. It is, by far, some of the stupidest writing advice I have ever read. No, I don't care Stephen King supports this. Stephen King writes mostly horror and in horror you need to maintain suspense so short and to the point is definitely better and cutting adverbs is certainly a way to do that. However, I don't think this applies to all writing. I think this isn't really a genre thing as much as it is a specific case by case thing. And in most instances I think this advice is bullshit. Think about it. Language was created to allow us to express ourselves. Cut all adverbs out of it and that narrows down your way to express yourself. It's kinda like "Oh, hey, my leading hand serves more purpose. I should probably cut off the other one because it's not that effective." Congrats, you just crippled yourself. It's the same with language. Why would you deny yourself the help of an entire group of "tools" to express yourself? I just don't understand it. I suppose you've seen the posts going around about "good" and "bad" adverbs so I won't go into that as I agree that an adverb is a good idea when it adds some meaning to the word that wasn't there before (eg. "cried happily"). Sometimes it can actually make things faster to just "tell" them rather than show them through the context. I think adverbs are as neat as any other part of language and deserve their place in writing.

3. Write what you know

Yes, you should know what the hell you're writing about. Whether it was something that you were familiar with before you started writing or you did your research on the matter. I might be a little biased on this because I kinda hate doing research so I can be swayed towards write only what you are completely familiar with but that would just make things boring. So I think you can write about stuff that isn't quite your area of expertise as long as you put the effort to research it to the proper level depending on what you need it for. If it's more of a mention, you don't need that much knowledge about it but if you intend to make it the subject of your writing, please make sure you understand what you're going to be talking about in the entirety of your story. I am begging you because when you don't, we end up with stuff like 50 Shades of Grey (and I'm not just talking about the sex parts since this book is full of poorly researched stuff that, shockingly, ends up being unbelievable at best, potentially harmful at worst). However, I think that applies to a greater degree to published fiction rather than to fanfiction but let's not get into that debate since it's a completely different topic and I already veered off course.

4. Avoid repetition

This I mostly agree with but it depends on the purpose of the repetition. If it is done in order to establish a theme or motif or to emphasize a point (without overdoing it, of course), I fully support it. (I do that a lot in my personal writing and it shouldn't be that hard to find examples of it when looking at my fics ("What Is the One Thing That Can Never Break?" is the best example of this but I have done it countless times in most of my fics if not all of them since this is one of my fave techniques).) However, there is a thin line between establishing a theme and making dead herrings aka something that is brought up repeatedly without any point to it other than boosting the word count since it doesn't lead to anything and it was already discussed at a prior point (which I might have done a few times myself in some of my longest fics). If you're bringing another angle to an issue you've already looked at or are furthering the point, you should be fine but this is indeed a thin line to tread so it demands a bit of caution. I do believe repetition can be a valuable technique in specific circumstances, though, so it all depends on how it is used.

12 is already answered here

22. Do not use semicolons

My personal opinion on this isn't very applicable to anything else because I am not really quite sure how to properly use semicolons so I avoid them. I also don't really like them in other people's writings. I'm sure they have their uses but I think a lot of authors also overuse them to make those horrendously long sentences that I hate (but have started becoming guilty of as well even though I think that if you can't remember how the sentence started at the end of it, it is too long and needs to be split in some way). It is why I haven't bothered to learn how to operate them. XD But I think that my point about adverbs should be applied here as well. It is another tool you can use and I am sure it can be helpful. So I am not necessarily against it and wouldn't tell someone to stop using them. Only, maybe try using full stops as well? And I'll try to do the same because, like I said, I have started becoming guilty of paragraph long sentences as well. (Just to be clear, sometimes longer sentences are okay. But not when literally every sentence is over 150 words. You need to break them down, spice it up with shorter sentences thrown in the mix.) Also, I think this is an instance of the trap of "bigger is better" for a lot of writers except that here it is "longer is better". It really isn't. And I can tell you why. My scenes have started getting thousands of words long and if I were to write novel, I could hit 50k words with about ten scenes. Most novels are up to 120k words total. Those would be 24 scenes in my numbers but don't you feel like a novel will need more than 24 scenes? Consice writing is definitely a good idea and it is much harder to cut things rather than to add (at least for me). Fanfiction gives more room with the word count but I still think that it is important to be able to convey your point in as little words as possible. (Btw, this is a tangent but long sentences and semicolons appear a lot in academic writing and I hate it even more there because it makes it more incomprehensible than it needs to be (and in a lot of cases it already is written to be as incomprehensible as possible). Just... start another sentence, I am begging you. This one already is a page long, for the love of everything in the world.)

24. Don't edit as you write

A complicated one. Mostly because I have done this. I used to do it a few years back. I (mostly) don't do it anymore. I might stop to edit a typo or change a sentence that just doesn't read right but nothing bigger than that. And you should, arguably, not do that either. Why? Because you may end up deleting the entire paragraph, page, chapter and all that perfecting will have been for naught. It has happened to me when I spent a ton of time perfecting the first chapters of several of my works and some of them I will never finish while others actually need to start from a different point in time so the whole chapter needs to go. Along with all of my efforts. I would say this is mostly for longer and chaptered projects since the structure of a one shot (depending on the length) is easier to figure out and you probably won't need to rearrange parts of it. And if something is really poking your eyes out, you can fix it real quick. But once you have the whole thing, it will be easier to see what needs to stay, what needs to go and what needs to be changed. Sometimes the temptation is hard to resist and it's fine if you give in as long as you're doing it with the knowledge that "yes, this may be all for nothing but I can't look at it like that for another second". Sometimes I would say that you need to go back and see where everything derailed if you can't move on. There was good advice that if you're stuck, the problem is probably a few paragraphs before the point where you hit a wall and it has helped me get over a block a time or two. However, if you can move on without touching anything, you probably should. That can also save you from deleting something that is actually good. I have felt like the whole thing I was writing was terrible but holding back from deleting or even altering anything and, instead, giving it some time to breathe has saved a few fics along the way from being completely butchered. So I think this is, generally, good advice because of the reasons I listed but just like any other rule, it can be bent and broken. (I would say fixing typos is a form of bending it which I allow myself all the time. Spelling is just really important to me.)

36. Never use a verb other than 'said' to tag dialogue

I hate this specific phrasing of it a lot. Never start any rule with never. Of course, you need to use other verbs as well since they were created to express the wide range in which a person may speak their chosen words. My problem with this is the reason that is usually given for it and that is that it distracts the reader. It has never distracted ME. Not a single time. And while I agree that using said most of the time works since people usually speak in a calm, even, steady manner which to describe as simply "said" works well enough, I think that other dialogue tags have their places too. Because people don't always say things. Sometimes they scream them, sometimes they whisper them, sometimes they hiss them, sometimes they snap and so on. Here I think a better phrasing would be to use Syndrome's lesson again that "when everyone is super, no one will be". Dialogue tags different from said are supposed to direct your attention to the change in tone. They're supposed to stand out. If everything stands out, nothing will. (This philosophy is so applicable to so many things and I think we have to take a minute to appreciate how valuable the lesson of "The Incredibles" is.) So as with every other writing tool, if used accordingly, dialogue tags (all of them, not just "said") can only be of help and will not hinder you in any way. Just don't put more frosting on the cake than there is cake, you know?

37. Do not start a sentence with a conjunction

FUCK THIS RULE so much. This one you have to keep to only in academic writing. The moment you step through the threshold of creative writing this rule should be crushed under your soles. I often start sentences with "and" or "but" because I am looking to emphasize whether this sentence agrees with the previous one or not. Think about it. When you say "I liked him. But I didn't trust him.", it reads very different from "I liked him but I didn't trust him.". It focuses your attention on that contrast and makes you pay more attention to the objection to the first sentence that comes in the second. That can be incredibly valuable and help emphasize what you're saying in a more subtle way than repetition would. This is one of my favorite techniques of focusing the attention on where I want it to be and I will never give it up. Sue me if you want. And see if I care.

39. If there's a story you want to read but it hasn't been written yet, you must write it

Must is too strong a verb. You are not obliged to write anything. I couldn't possibly write everything I want to see written in a single lifetime. Calm down there. I think what people need to understand here is more that "if you want the story done the exact way that you would do it, you will have to do it yourself because no one else will do it the very same way". Doesn't mean that someone can't come close enough (I had that luck once) but it is unlikely that they'll do it in a way that you won't have any complaints about. So, really, "if you want something done right, do it yourself". But this can also mean "you have something fresh that the world needs because no one else has done it yet" (or at least not the same way you would do it). Which is cool but you really don't owe anyone anything. If that story is what you want to read and write (emphasis on that because writing is hard and takes a lot of energy, guys), then great! Go right ahead. But if you don't feel like doing that, you can leave it alone. Someone else might do it in time but with that we loop back to my previous point. I think that you should write whatever you want to write whether no one has written it before or it has been done hundreds and thousands of times.

42. Write your first draft by hand

Very mixed feelings here. I used to do that. The main reason for that is that I didn't trust myself to edit quite as sufficiently if I wrote it directly in a document as I would if I had to transcribe it from paper to the computer. For me personally, it is easier to change sentences when there is only blank space after that sentence since I don't have to worry whether the next sentence I have will still make sense once I'm done rewriting the current one. It was just easier to change things. A way to deal with that is to just press enter a few times before you start editing the sentence so that it looks like there is nothing after it and you're free to change it as you please. However, writing directly in a document is definitely faster and since I was having a lot of things to do in a limited time, I started doing that. It helped get over the fear of a blank page to a degree. It is faster. And I don't think I have noticed a change in the quality of my fics. Not a negative one at least. I just know that if I had had to write the 10k+-word ones by hand before typing them on the computer, I would've lost it. It would've taken way more time and patience than I was willing to give these ideas. Writing the words by hand sometimes helps me feel them better, though, (if that makes sense) and I wouldn't completely give up on it. I like to go with my intuition when deciding whether to write it by hand or type it directly in a document and it has worked out well enough for me so far.

The Lion King 2019 Review: What I Liked, What I Didn’t, and How It Compares to the Original

Non-spoilery overview and note to anyone debating watching this- 

If you’re looking for this film to give you something that the original didn’t, you will be disappointed. This is a nearly shot-for-shot exact recreation of the original for most of the movie. There are some minor changes, but no major differences in plot. 

However

It’s definitely worth seeing- once on a matinee ticket at the very least- if you enjoyed anything about the original. It’s pretty faithful to the source material and the hyper-realism of the animation really is best viewed on a big screen. The comedy is solid, the changes they made to the story and characters were good decisions, and as a guy that was literally raised on the original movie and grew up loving every part of it, i did legitimately enjoy seeing this remake with my mother (who introduced me to the original when I was very little) and getting to share this story that I loved with my younger sister for the first time.

If all you are here for is the “Let’s Go Lesbians” guy you will be satisfied

Spoilers under the cut

What I Liked:

The visuals of the opening sequence alone are worth the price of admission. They’ve lovingly recreated the iconic intro nearly frame for frame in astounding detail. It really succeeded in taking me back to my three-year old self seeing the original for the first time on my family’s little box tv, captivated by the visuals and score. 

Timon and Pumbaa were legitimately funny and are stronger characters than in the original.

They kept the aspects of Scar that made him sinister, conniving, and creepy without stepping into queer-coding territory. They also didn’t apply racial coding to him in the overt way they did in the original.

At first I was disappointed by Rafiki’s lack of a staff in the opening, but I was later pacified by its appearance for the final battle. I would however, have liked to see the “oh yes, the past can hurt” bit between him and Simba, which was absent in this version.

I felt that the introduction of the hyena characters in the elephant graveyard was stronger in this version, but i do wish that the chase scene had gone on for longer. It’s significantly shorter than the original, and the cubs don’t fight back like they did in the original.

The hyenas played a larger role where they had much more agency, and the relationship between them and Scar was on more equal footing. Shenzi was an especially welcome change, presenting a truly chilling presence easily rivaling Scar’s. Florence Kasumba’s performance really stands out. Additionally Eric Andre and Keegan-Michael Key’s hyena characters served as quality comic relief without any jokes straying into possible able-ism.

The ‘pinned-ya’ scenes were re-choreographed to be more like two kids wrestling and didn’t have the awkward sexual implications some people point out in the original.

This version offers a quick explanation as to why Scar is living with the pride despite the typical customs of real lions

The mouths were really animated very well, and were for the most part very expressive. They were a bit hard to track during the songs, but generally words were formed pretty believably in their mouths and expressions such as smiles or grimaces were rendered very clearly without looking foreign on an animal face. This was by far best achieved on Timon and the hyenas, but was decent on the lion cubs, Scar, and most of the minor characters as well. The other adult lions weren’t as expressive, but they’re weren’t terrible either.

The animation of Timon, Pumbaa, and the hyenas continually impressed impressed me throughout the course of the film. They were simultaneously the most consistently realistic looking and the most expressive. I honestly don’t understand why some people are coming for Pumbaa and saying he’s ‘nightmare fuel’, his design was both very friendly looking and accurate to real warthogs. He and Timon seemed to be the favorites of both the kids and adults in my theater. 

The short scene where adult Simba gleefully pounces after a pair of butterflies and invites a scared Hartebeest hang out, oblivious to his own  status as a carnivore, was pretty adorable.

Timon and Pumbaa were more or less confirmed to be a gay couple, and are shown with their own piglet during the ending sequence. This isn’t lingered on for longer than necessary, just long enough for you to appreciate how adorable the little striped piglet is, and thus it comes off as more genuine than performative allyship (it’s definitely better than Beauty and the Beast’s “exclusively gay moment” or Endgame’s Gay Joe Russo). It also helps that Timon isn’t being portrayed by a straight guy leaning as hard into the camp gay stereotype as possible. It was a moment that I, as a queer person, actually enjoyed.

What I Didn’t: 

I felt that the musical score wasn’t as strong as the original. I wanted that first note over the sunrise to shake the theater, to bang across the screen in brilliant gold, and when it didn’t, I was disappointed. I felt this way regarding the score and soundtrack for much of the film.

While much of the dialogue matched the original nearly word for word, the delivery of most of it was much more subdued. I understand that they were going for a grittier tone that was less cartoon-y, but a lot of Scar and adult Simba’s lines seemed like they were mumbled off at the end of a work day and they’d just given up on trying to get a better take. Donald Glover seemed to teeter between Marshall Lee and complete disinterest a lot of the time. 

I would have liked to have seen more of Rafiki than what we got, and I’d been hoping for an expansion on his role from the original rather than a reduction. 

The “I killed Mufasa” bit was done very well- Chiwetel Ejiofor’s delivery of the line was chilling (although not as much as Jeremy Irons’), the expression in Scar’s eyes was very sinister, the light of the fire hit him just right. The following revelation of this truth to the lionesses however was bumbly, and seemed like it was originally written to be longer but was quickly and awkwardly condensed. It really didn’t flow as well as the original.

The end battle between Scar and Simba was anti-climactic. The choreography and visuals were much more creative and suspenseful in the original. The blows didn’t really have much weight or ferocity to them, and they didn’t coincide as well with the score. There also was no sick kick move, Scar literally just accidentally rolls off the cliff. The showdown between Nala and Shenzi is far better- it’s vicious and animalistic, with a few shots having them silhouetted with fire roaring behind them, Nala’s massive teeth shown off impressively in profile. 

From the very first introduction of Scar, it’s strongly and very overtly implied that Sarabi is the one that gave him the scar after he attempted to advance on her despite her rejecting him. This is revisited again when he commands Sarabi to be his queen upon his assuming of the throne. She again rejects him. With this moment being played twice, I expected this to be a plant for a later third scene of Sarabi temporarily putting Scar back in his place, or at least threatening to take his other eye, to replace the scene from the original where he slaps her across the face. Scar and Sarabi do eventually come to blows as Simba and Nala return to Pride Rock, but it’s very brief and sort of just a clumsy grapple without a clear winner, and with no reference to their apparent backstory. This comes off as a case of planting without payoff. I expect that either a scene such as the one i described was originally planned and cut for time, or it was thought that the implications of such a scene might bring the film up towards a PG-13 rating.

I wish that in the more harrowing sequences, such as the elephant graveyard chase and the stampede scene, that we could see some real fear on the character’s faces. There’s some really good tensing of the body and some bared teeth, but there’s not much in the eyes. I feel the emotion would have been communicated better if the pupils were dilated, if the eyes were darting back and forth with the whites showing at the edges occasionally, the ears flattened down hard against the head.The child actors put forward some really believable fear and sadness through their voices, but the faces just didn’t quite match it. I do however understand that this is a kid’s film, and that showing a hyper-realistic lion cub gripped with sheer terror or coming to the understanding of the gravity of death is probably too much for most young kids. I personally just prefer to have truly heartwrenching, impactful, and emotional scenes in the media I consume, and I often walk away unfulfilled in this respect (although, i admit i am very difficult to please in this area- i’ve been a die-hard mcu fan for the better part of a decade and i left my first watch of infinity war almost completely unaffected.)

Continuing from the last point- The eyes on most of the characters were very static. They rarely blinked, only really looked straight ahead and lacked any range of expression beyond neutral and slightly squinted. The expression of emotion could have been greatly facilitated by the use of the brow muscles, dilating and contracting of the pupils, more squinting and widening, some side-eye or eye-rolling, etc. Even using some more body language would have made a world of difference (for example- an excited cub wriggling with excitement, his paws shifting and his little butt scooting in the sand because he just can’t contain himself, his shoulders shaking with high-pitched giggles) Emotion was delivered quite well through the mouths, but almost not at all through the eyes. This made the scene where Simba discovers his dead father especially awkward looking. JD McCrary delivers some heartbreaking cries and a few tear-choked lines, and the little cub body shakes and cowers, but Simba’s cgi face retains a completely neutral expression. Its a very cute, and perfectly realistic face for a lion cub, but it’s a face that feels inappropriate for this context. Adult Simba and Nala are the worst offenders in this respect. Simba looks almost like a plush doll, almost never changing expression at all. Nala looks superbly hyper-realistic, but... too realistic. She’s as perfect of a cgi lioness model you could possibly ask for, but because of this, there’s no intelligence in her eyes for some of the shots. It’s strange and distracting to hear a human voice come out as her mouth moves realistically while the eyes retain a vacant animal stare. This is really weird to me as there are multiple moments in the film where they absolutely nail the eyes- the sequence where Simba chases Rafiki through the dense jungle, several shots of Nala sneaking away from Pride Rock by moonlight, the close-up of Scar as he reveals to Simba that he killed Mufasa. The commonality between these shots seems to be strong directional lighting, where light from the moon or a fire can catch the irises and make the expression in them really pop. Closeups of Mufasa’s face showed that they had unprecedented control of the facial muscles- they moved with intricate complexity under the skin and fur- and yet the eyes were blank. It’s disappointing that they clearly had the capability to get the eyes right and apparently just didn’t allow the cg artists enough time to apply this consistently.

The slow motion zoom away from Simba’s face as he watches his father fall from the cliff face is admittedly ridiculous looking in cgi. This “long live the king” doesn’t come anywhere close to the original. Mufasa’s climb up the cliff is pretty good, but the fall feels flat and unemotional. 

The sequence tracking the wad of Simba’s hair went on for too long.

The story seemed much faster paced than the original, and each scene seemed to be too short, leaving me wanting more. Some of the scenes feel awkwardly chopped or condensed, and some of the dialogue is a bit bumbly. This movie kinda relies on you being very familiar with the original. 

(Major JoJo's Bizarre Adventure anime spoiler warning) My review of...

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders and Battle in Egypt (I'm counting them as one whole season but as two parts) is, admittedly, my least favorite season of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. 48 episodes long across the two parts, the show is definitely enjoyable but I personally wouldn't watch it again for anything other than a few cool fights. However, once again showing his viewers just how crazy his work can and will get, Akari makes JoJo's Bizarre Adventure even more bizarre starting with this season. For this review, I'm going going to take both parts into consideration. As usual, I'm going to keep my review as neutral as possible even if Stardust Crusaders isn't a top pick for me.

Unlike its predecessors, Stardust Crusaders has no narrator for the majority of the season, only showing up to speak the occassional thoughts of characters or animals. Akari always keeping things fresh, I think this is good for the show; we're no longer in the past so we don't need a narrator to tell us events as they happen in front of us.

First, I'm going to talk about the new element Akari brings into JoJo's Bizarre Adventure with Stardust Crusaders: Stands. An absolutely badass idea, Akari plays with this new element of the show beautifully. Unlike many other shounen manga/anime, the ability to control a Stand isn't solely about who has the biggest dick energy attack, but instead Akari turns the tables and uses the Stands for strategic battles; this way, it doesn't actually matter who's stronger or weaker, but instead who's smarter (which very much counteracts the art style of buff men quite nicely). Due to the Stands and mental/wit battles instead of physical battles the way it usually is in the shounen genre, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure takes a very unique turn for the better and works incredibly well given the context of the series.

Now lemme tell ya about the intros: I LOVE the both of them, and I'll start with Stand Proud from the first part of the season. So much energy, wonderfully timed visuals and the fantastic 3D-looking 2D animation; there is nothing about this intro that I don't like. It's ranked as my second favorite intro in terms of song choice, is tied for my number one in terms of visuals, and is tied for my favorite in terms of sound effects. The beautifully drawn night sky, the small addition of sketched art, the subtle hints of enemy Stands in the background, and the background constantly changing in such drastic ways are such terrifyingly engaging imagery that it makes me cry tears of happiness. Not to mention the hard to see hint of Dio at the end, only people who are active on-lookers or were shown that he's there at all will see him. I also love that, in the beginning of the intro, you see 5 stars, alluding to our 5 main characters, but then a 6th star appears, which alludes to Holly Joestar still sick in Japan. Also, the physics of Jotaro's chain and shadow is absolutely ravishing, it's little effects like that that really get me going, as well as the gradual breaking of glass at the end of the intro. The entire sequence is a masterpiece by my standards, truly a job well done.

Now, as for the second intro, I don't like it as much as the first one but it's still great in its own right. I adore the mixing of vocals, going from hard rock to the softer sounding male and then mixing them both for a wonderful Ora Ora Ora duet. I lean in towards my computer screen each time I watch the intro because the fast moving visuals are so enrapturing, not to mention you can see subtle changes in the faces of the characters and their body stance between the fast-paced frames. There's even one point where the group is lined up and the beat strikes, quickly switching them out for their Stands before swiftly changing to the next image. I also admire the way the credits are so well integrated into the intro, jumping and spiking along with the enthusiastic beat, emphasizing the song without being in the way. And when Dio uses his ZA WARUDO to stop time during the second version of this intro, I go into orgasmic bliss because it's so awesome; you can even see that piss bucket SMIRK while hearing his soft footfalls and I love it. Once again, there is nothing that I don't love about this intro.

Just like with Phantom Blood, there isn't much I can say about the soundtrack as a whole, but is fantastic in that it reflects the current situation and could easily switch up its beat when a battle turned.

As for the outros, I love Walk Like an Egyptian and its spirited inspiration, beat and vocals (fantastic job by the Bangles). There's no song quite like Walk Like an Egyptian so it's always a win in my book whenever it's used, especially in such a fitting case. I don't really like the second outro because, unlike every other intro/outro of the series, Last Train Home is a more somber or melancholy song, which doesn't really fit the show in my opinion. It's certainly a nice sounding song, but I'm just not crazy about it.

As for the characters, while I don't like them as much as other characters from other seasons, they certainly aren't bad either; we even get to see character development throughout both parts. Some characters become more mature, more level-headed and smarter with situations, and each person is internally unique as exemplified by their Stand. Some were more likable than others but, in general, the cast was pretty damn cool.

Now that I'm done gushing about all the things I love about this season, I'm gonna gush about the things that made me dislike this season more than the others, and I'm gonna start with the female side character Anne. This girl... did absolutely nothing throughout the show. In her defense, she didn't get in the way of the characters, but she didn't do anything for them either. She was even dropped out of the group halfway through the first part of the season, being inconsequential the whole way through. There was also some kind of weird sexualization going about her too: her age is never stated but she's definitely prepubescent (given the dialogue, she's probably 11 or 12 years old) but she had the body of a teenager and fawned over Jotaro. Once again in her defense, young girls fantasizing about older men (I personally enjoy the company of older men as they tend to be financially stable and more responsible) and having more developed bodies compared to their peers isn't odd at all; instead, it's actually very normal and healthy. However, Jotaro is 17, which is a lot older and, generally, the older the man (or woman) is the weirder it gets.

Speaking of sexualizing little girls, I want to turn attention to the Strength Stand user orangutan, Forever. This literal animal had the hots for Anne, and tried to do stuff to her that I can only describe as attempted rape, so that was a thing. Obviously, that's some fucked up shit that wasn't actually necessary to the story since Jotaro found out about Forever anyway and beat the shit out of him.

Next is, once again, Dio's motives. I love Dio, I really do, but he's just not that much of a well-explained character. His goal is explicitly stated this time around: he wants to rule the world. Fantastic, but WHY does he want to rule it? Who knows, it's never said why.

My next problem is with the villains of the show, they all seemed the same and reused to me. While each Stand (expect for two that did legit the exact same thing of stealing souls and putting them into objects) was unique given the user, whenever they were defeated they did one of two things: they either begged for forgiveness, which would always result in getting the snot beat out of them, or they swore their absolute loyalty to Dio (less of them did this) and died. Some of them would run away, but all of them (save for two Stand Users) never made another appearance, so most of them were just throw away characters.

Finally, my biggest problem is with Iggy, the last party member in our group of main characters who showed up at the beginning of Battle in Egypt. I know Akari wanted to make an animal Stand user to be a part of the cast and I know that Iggy was dragged out to Egypt against his will, but that doesn't make him any less of an infuriating character. For nearly the entire season, I absolutely hated Iggy: he was more useless than Anne as he intentionally turned his head the other way when the group was in trouble and/or DYING, he tried to sell Jotaro out to save his own skin as soon as he was introduced, and he had the absolute worst ambition of any of the characters in that he basically just wanted to be a pimp. After getting fucking up by an avian Stand user that totally should have won the fight (the finishing icicle appeared so much more slowly than all the other volleys, plot armor truly is invincible) and getting his leg dismembered, Iggy finally stepped up to the plate that he probably should have been on to begin with and earned my respect. Seriously, why would you so eagerly make an animal Stand user only to not use him for the entire show and then kill him off when he's barely shown what he can do? It makes no sense and it's so frustrating.

However, Akari truly has magic hands because as soon as Iggy actually started doing something, he immediately became a badass in my book and I cried another river to his death.

Speaking of deaths, just as a side note, why kill Avdol, bring him back, only to kill him again? As I understand it, Akari killed off Avdol the first time around but then realized that if he was going to kill a main character, he should probably make that character more important. But then Avdol died again and his death still felt insignificant. A good opportunity to learn on Akari's part, but I feel like bringing Avdol back to life didn't make much sense either.

Culture and Translation - S01 E02 C04-C07 and SKAM+ Clip 1

Hi hi! Okay, so I’ve both gotten a bunch of followers and the tag is a lot more poppin since the last time I posted one of these. Quick explanation: when I got into og Skam, I felt I had to piece together a lot of the cultural context behind it, such as, yes, Russetiden, but also stuff like the cost of a bunad or sex without protection. I’ve also read from multiple Norwegian people that the fansubs didn’t do justice to the slang Skam characters use. So these posts provide cultural context. They also provide explanations for the translation I went with in the subs and the best approximation to the slang the Skam España characters use on the show in the cases where I felt the translation didn’t fully do justice to the actual dialogue.

Note: these posts are based on my own subs/translations, so they might not make as much sense if you hadn’t watched those.

Note 2: You can check the culture and translation tag for the rest of the posts.

CLIP 4: In which I learn that a dj system is not a mixer.

This clip was shot in the Pinar de Chamartín subway station. It’s the only station that connects another line with lines 1 and 4, and the show thanks Metro Ligero in the credits. Pinar de Chamartín is a Metro Ligero subway station. (There are several kinds, depending on which company manages the station.) They probably used this station because it’s big and doesn’t get a lot of commuters. Otherwise, it’s completely out of the way of anything these characters would go to.

Hola acosadora! (“Hi creeper!”): would be closer in meaning to, “hi, harasser!” (which doesn’t flow well in English) or “hi, stalker!” (but Eva uses the word in English right after). So creeper it is.

Dale duro (Subs: Hit it hard): I don’t really have any comment about this, other than it seems to be Lucas’ signature phrase. He’s always saying it.

La gente se cree que hacen una movida los DJs que flipas (“People think DJs are some kind of crazy wizards”) Holy shit, I had so much trouble with this sentence. I wish I knew whether this line was on the original script or if Jorge’s actor reworded it. As per the FormulaTV article, the actors get to reword lines if they think it’d sound more natural some other way. Alas, I couldn’t think of how to translate “movida” in this context (it comes up again later), so I settled for the line in the subs. Let’s just say that the implication is that DJs are almost unknowable in their mad DJ skillz, what with the “movida” and the verb “flipar” that we’ve seen so often at this point. I find my translation much inferior to Jorge’s line, which provides such a vivid visual and is hilarious.

Hablando de punchi punchi (“Speaking of sick beats”): Jorge obviously doesn’t say sick beats, but he’s trying for an onomatopoeia for the beat in dance songs. There are a lot of variants in Spanish for this specific purpose of talking about the beat in a song. Another popular one is, “chunda chunda.”  I’m actually really proud of how I translated this line, lol. Too bad I can’t put it on a resume.

“¿Te renta?” is another idiom that often comes up on Skam España. I’ve been told it’s Madrileño slang, but I’ve personally never used it or heard it before the show. (Which doesn’t mean it’s not in use, lol, just that it hasn’t made its way to me yet.) A literal translation would be, “Is it worth it?” Jorge asks Lucas whether it’d be worth it to Lucas to do something this weekend, and Lucas responds going out for beers would be worth it to him. In this case, I didn’t go for the literal translation as this scene is already too long and involved to be throwing more idioms into the mix. Other times, I’ve translated it as is, because I do feel it sums Madrileños up well. Like, we can’t be bothered to do anything or go anywhere if we don’t feel it’s worth it.

Keli (“House”): This has been Madrileño slang for decades at this point. It just means house.

Sí, movidas, ya sabes (“Yeah, shit, you know”): “Movidas” comes up again, this time in the context of Lucas’ home life. Basically, there’s trouble, but the use of “movidas” implies movement, i.e. it’s an active, ongoing situation.

Tengo un programita (“I have some ‘wares”): The literal translation is, “I have a little software,” but I remembered downloading completely legal software from sketchy websites, which would call them ‘warez.’ I thought this phrasing would be more vivid for English speakers. Also, there’s really nothing about Jorge’s persona that suggests this software would’ve been obtained legally, so yeah.

It’s unclear what part of what Eva is saying Jorge reacts to when he says, “Fuck…” Personally, I think he’s impressed that Eva has scammed a rich dude out of an invite to that huge-ass house. But it could also be that he’s proud she’s making plans with the girl squad! Either way, he’s impressed!

Pico, pala, pico, pala (“Joke, flirt, joke, flirt”): OKAY. So, the literal translation of this is, “Pick, shovel, pick, shovel.” This is fairly common Spanish slang for the process of flirting with a girl until she is won over, or she is less reluctant to flirt back. Visually, it makes you think of a miner having to put in long hours of exhausting physical work in order to get results. It makes it sound like more scummy than it is, kind of? I translated it as “joke, flirt, joke, flirt,” because that’s what it usually amounts to. As we’ve seen from Jorge, he does voices, gives odd nicknames and generally aims to be cute in a cheesy way. That is the kind of techniques that are meant to win a girl over, or at least get her to joke along with you.

One more objectionable maneuver, which would still fall under the umbrella of pick and shovel, would be Cristian’s “my DMs aren’t working” move to get Eva to give him her cellphone number.

Final lines from the clip that didn’t make it to the episode:

Eva: But, okay, no. Save up or ask your parents to get it for your b-day, no?

Jorge: Nah, maybe I’ll just get one secondhand.

Lucas: And you lend it to me.

Jorge: Okay.

Lucas: But you can’t… [cuts off]

I love the way all the dj system talk ended up having no impact whatsoever on the plot. It’s not like I had to look specific terms or anything.

CLIP 5: The girl squad chooses an impractical, yet picturesque, meeting point

Eva is waiting right outside Tribunal subway station. I’ve met up with friends at this station probably since I was allowed to hang out on my own, lol.

You can barely make out a building behind the girls. It’s this one: Museum of History of Madrid. Entrance is free, and it has tons of cool stuff to check out.

The girls have a quick chat on how they’ve dressed up for Cristian’s party. Cris says it was about time they had a chance to dress up. Nora says she put on one of her daily outfits, but the girls don’t buy it and tease her over it. Honestly, she doesn’t look overdressed at all? She wore an actual dress for New Year’s Eve.

Maripili! (“Maripili!”): Maripili is a name, which Nora randomly uses to call Viri over. It doesn’t seem to be a meme, so I think Nora is just teasing Viri with a name that sounds dated and cutesy. It’s very gentle teasing though.

Al chino (“To the convenience store”): Eva instructs the girls to go to “el chino,”  which is slang for a type of convenience store owned by immigrants. These are usually Chinese immigrants, hence the name, but stores owned by Maghrebi and Latinx immigrants are also fairly common. The name “chino” has stuck regardless. These convenience stores sell a small range of foodstuffs, such as canned food, microwavable food, some fruit and vegetables, ice cream, bread, and, as the scene implies, booze. They also remain open longer than most grocery store chains, often until 23:30 on a weekday and way past midnight on Fridays and Saturdays. They’re not allowed to sell alcohol to minors, but I guess they don’t mind breaking the law? I don’t know, guys, we got older students to buy us booze lol.

Que me acaba de dar un cringe (“I just cringed a lot”): “Cringe” is an English loanword, which is obviously the word cringe.

Tú la que más, tú la que más (“You’re partying the hardest, you are”): The literal translation is: “You’re the most, you’re the most.” It’s implied that whichever girl is “you” (it’s the singular form, so Cris doesn’t mean all of the girls) is doing something the most, but the sentence doesn’t have a verb. Basically, it’s a way of hyping themselves up for the party. I assumed Cris meant “partying” from context, but it’s not explicit.

In the episode, clip 5 became two different clips to account for the train ride. That’s why there’s a timestamp in the middle of the clip when you watch the episode version.

Cristián lives in Pozuelo de Alarcón, an affluent Madrid suburb with its own city hall. At the time, twitter commentary from Spanish viewers was critical of the show choosing to make the girls meet in Tribunal, because public transit from Tribunal to Pozuelo takes too many connections and it’s not like Madrid isn’t rife with convenience stores. I included both the route the girls take, and an alternate for ur edification.

I just realized that when Viri goes over to greet Lara, you can clearly hear Lara saying, “what’s up, dude?” in response.

And also, when Eva begs Nora not to leave her alone, Nora teases Eva by saying the sentence back to her. That’s why Eva laughs and says Nora is being dumb.

A saco (“going all out”): “A saco” is that kind of slang that’s hard to translate, but Eva means that Viri is assertively taking the lead in pursuing (and making it clear she wants to make out with) ALEJANDRO, rather than waiting for him to notice her.

CLIP 6: Viri lost a battle, but she didn’t lose the war!  

Nora’s ringtone is so… She truly leaves me speechless sometimes.

No soy celoso (“I’m not possessive”): I translated “celoso” as possessive, because if I translated it as “jealous” it would mean that Cristian, right this moment, doesn’t feel jealous of Jorge. In fact, what Cristian is saying that this is a general personality trait of his, like being blond. He is totally chill with any and all girls he is interested in having boyfriends. That’s not at all an obstacle!

It’s also a very corny thing Spanish guys say all the time when a girl says she’s taken, hence Eva’s uncomfortable smile in response.

As Inés and Alicia greet ALEJANDRO, he seems pretty annoyed by Viri floating around him, clearly laying a claim on him. The three of them intentionally crowd Viri out.

CLIP 7: Hard work pays off

En doce siglos (“in twelve centuries”): This is Amira’s catchphrase for measuring time. She also uses it during the truth or dare game.

One of the season 1 mysteries: what did Alicia say to Inés to make her leave so quickly? In hindsight, it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with Jorge, but that was one of the popular theories at the time.

Another detail: Cristian is behind Inés, seemingly on her side of this girl fight. ALEJANDRO’s crew seems to be pretty friendly with Inés and Alicia. They celebrated Inés’ birthday together, and often post ig stories together.

Social media:

I already mentioned this in a post, but Cris’ instagram makes it very obvious that Cris is a stoner. Her rainbow tops are peak Spanish stoner girl fashion, the soap video she regrammed is the sort of thing a stoner would be fascinated by, she follows ifyouhigh and highpeopledoingstuff, and she’s holding a blunt for her first ever ig pic. So yeah. I also just realized the implications, seeing she’s the s2 main. I don’t think she’ll lose a bunch of weed, but she might smoke it with 🐸?

“Perezón,” i.e. the title of clip 4, would literally translate to sloth or laziness, but its actual meaning is “what a drag,” as in “that party/those people/going to that rally is such a drag.”

Viri’s house is pretty basic-looking. What we can see of it looks like a working class household, but it isn’t the borderline hoarder situation in Vilde’s clip.

Eva watches an 11-episode show, which may or may not be Skam s1. The fun thing is she promises she won’t watch episode 12. The NYE special is listed as episode12 on the Movistar site.

Jorge got ahold of a charger after midnight!  

SKAM+ #1:

This clip takes place between episode 2 clips 6 and 7. Specifically, 20 minutes before the last clip.

Aitana is a Spanish singer born in 1999. She became famous thanks to talent show Operación Triunfo, where she came in second. At the time season 1 aired, she had only dropped two songs, Lo Malo with Ana Guerra, and Teléfono. Both of these songs played a prominent role on the show.

Cristian’s dad works at a record label! Explains Cristian’s huge ass house and mixing room!

ALEJANDRO asks Aitana where she’d like to hang out with him at Retiro Park. Retiro Park is one of the largest parks in Madrid. The park belonged to the Spanish Monarchy until the late 19th century, when it became a public park. It’s one of the most picturesque sights in the city and it’s overrun by people. So I don’t think it’s the place you want to take a celeb on a low-key date, but otherwise, good choice! Almost makes it seem like ALEJANDRO isn’t after sex!

Hasta yo preferiría a Aitana (“Even I’d rather Aitana”): That is… so lesbian of Viri.

Speaking of lesbians, Cris is also absolutely overcome by Aitana’s beauty.

In case you weren’t aware, Spaniards greet each other with two cheek kisses when we meet someone. Touching people’s hair without their permission, though, is still a no-no.  

Top 12 Pixar movies that will make you cry, ranked in order of how much they’ll make you cry

12. Cars 3

I am ashamed to admit that I shed a tears the first time I watched this movie. There’s nothing quite like the disappointment you feel in yourself after you cry during a Cars movie. It was not as effective as it could have been with a minor change to the ending, but between all those flashbacks of Doc, who has died but still has more of a presence than many of the living characters, and Cruz’s story arc, which was easily the most satisfying aspect of the movie, there was... something there. 1/10 - a humiliating cry that will make you feel bad about yourself

11. Wall-E Who knew you could develop such a compelling relationship with no dialogue except for the characters names. The scene where EVE thinks WALL-E doesn’t know her is perfect with its building suspense and lingering shots on the characters’ eyes. The moment where EVE tries to float away but WALL-E won’t let go of her hand? Poetic cinema. 2/10 - I’ve never cried during this movie but I know people who have

10. Monsters Inc. So overall, this is not a particularly emotional movie. Pixar was going for more of a light, fun, quirky tone at the time, and it was doing its job well, but the scene where Sully has to leave Boo at least gets it on the list. They did a really good job developing this relationship without you even realizing they were doing it until it was at its emotional climax. Solid groundwork for their later movies, where character and relationship development is central. 3/10 - ekes out a couple tears at the end 

9. Brave Generally not cryable. Has one scene where I teared up the first time or two I watched it. Maybe it would be different for people with more difficult relationships with their mothers? Idk, if the scene where she thinks her mother is permanently a bear had gone on a little longer, I probably would have cried more. I feel like this one really sacrificed what could have been an extremely emotionally compelling story for comedic bear hijinks. 4/10 - minimally cryable on first watch 

8. Finding Nemo The Pixar team were on us right from the beginning with this one. Killing Marlon’s entire family except for Nemo in the first five minutes of an animated children’s cartoon? Bold. One could even say fearless. Introducing the idea of a fish real estate market? Even more so. It really puts Marlon’s overprotective nature and desperation at realizing Nemo was missing into context. It wasn’t easy, but they knew what they needed to do and they did it.  5/10 - they knew they wanted our tears and they wasted no time

7. The Good Dinosaur Overall, this is not one of Pixar’s strongest entries, and given its subject matter, it did not make me cry as much as it should have. Arlo’s whole character arc is learning to overcome his fears and learn how to help keep his family afloat after his father dies. There was a lot of potential here for a real emotional gut punch, and the movie just never quite followed through on it, but the moment where Arlo has to say goodbye to Spot and then immediately gets to leave his mark hits the notes it needed to. Considering the content and overall tone of the movie, the real failing would have been if it hadn’t drawn out any tears at all. 6/10 - no more effective than it needed to be

6. Toy Story 2 “When she loved me” gets me every time. Jessie’s lasting emotional damage over being given away by Emily was the perfect foil to Woody’s complete optimism that Andy would never forget about him. I feel guilty about even forgetting about clothes in my closet, and maybe watching this scene at the age of seven had something to do with that? Anyway, the fact that this montage was so geared towards making me personally cry at a time when Pixar wasn’t really trying to hit that tone with it’s movies is really fantastic. I would expect something like this out of 2016 Pixar, not 1999 Pixar. 8/10 - a cry ahead of it’s time

5. Finding Dory Pixar’s strongest non-Toy Story sequel is just so heartwarming? There were several scenes that packed a punch, from the flashbacks of Dory’s parents, to Dory wondering if her parents will want to see her, to the final, beautiful reunion. The cool thing is that they all hit different emotional cues that make you cry for different reasons. At this point, Pixar has already made a deal with the devil to learn the ins and outs of our emotions and is in its cryable prime. 10/10 - a wholesome cry

4. Inside Out After a series of weaker movies, Inside Out was really Pixar’s return to glory, and boy did it pack an emotional punch. It’s got impressive world-building and some pretty serious subject matter, laying the groundwork for Coco. Inside Out’s big themes were change and growing up, and it even dealt with depression. Because it took place inside someone’s head, the emotional sucker punches were deeply relatable. The fact that they were able to pull this off speaks to how well they’ve learned our emotions and how to manipulate them.  100/10 - an intelligent, feel-good cry

3. Toy Story 3 All the Toy Story movies have high emotional stakes, by the most recent installment in Pixar’s strongest franchise is the only one that’s truly heartbreaking. You only cry once, but you sob. Here, Pixar capitalizes on the fact the fact that we’d been watching Woody trying to get back to Andy for literally fifteen years by making us watch Andy give him away. It deserves an extra point the fact that they timed its release so the kids who grew up watching Toy Story would the same age Andy is in the movie. 487/10 - a low but satisfying blow

2. Coco This movie really comes through on cryability. I cried through the entire last half-hour of the movie. You see the twist coming, but that doesn’t stop it from being the most fantastic mix of devastating and heartwarming that I’ve ever seen a movie pull off. Pixar has perfected its formula for reaching into your chest ripping out your heart, and it shows. Each big reveal and gut-wrenching line was perfectly timed to get you crying again just when you’d almost stopped.  820/10 - a cryable masterpiece

1. Up Every time I watch this movie, I’m like, maybe this is the time I’ll be able to get through it without crying, and every time I’m wrong. This is the only Pixar movie that gets you crying within the first five minutes, and it keeps you crying throughout the whole movie, whenever the Adventure Book comes out, and then it gets one last shot at you at the end, when he finds the hidden page. 10,000/10 - I will die before I get through this movie without crying

Guardian Chapter 11

Warnings: Self deprecating thoughts, nightmare, mentions of mind control, small amounts of violence, very minor cursing. Let me know if I missed something.

Pairings: Eventual Prinxiety and Logicality.

Word count: 3,900

Chapter 10

_________“Heya kiddo, how's it going this morning.” Patton chirped happily.

“I’m doing better, Thanks for helping out last night, Pat,” Virgil said from the kitchen table.

Patton started working on making some waffles for breakfast. “No problem, I am always here to help.”

“Are you really though?”

“What? Of course, I am.” Patton said whirling around to face Virgil. “I promise.”

“You weren’t there when I needed you most though,” Virgil said simply like he was having the most casual of conversations. “This is all your fault.” His voice sounded normal but was laced with such venom it made Patton’s blood run cold.

“No, it’s not my fault!” Patton said desperately.

Virgil stood up and slowly stalked over to Patton.”Yes, it is.”

No! Patton tried to say but his voice failed him. “You made me feel like I was a burden. You made me feel worthless. You lied to me! You hurt me so bad that I went to a literal demon for help. Do you know how desperate I was? How I wished for anything to just make the pain to go away?” Virgil closed in on Patton His eyes feral. Patton tried to back away but his feet were frozen to the ground.

It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. He was trying to scream to Virgil but his voice wouldn’t come. “No, you wouldn’t because you weren’t there for me.” It’s not my fault. “You’re the one to blame.” It’s not... “You did this to me.” ...my fault. “You lied!” My fault. “You made me this way!”  My fault. “It’s all your fault!” My fault. My Fault. MY FAULT! It’s all my fault. When Patton thought this he felt a hand seize around his throat cutting off his air supply. Virgil was going to kill him. Patton knew he should fight back. He should be trying to tear the death grip from his throat. He needed to do something, but couldn’t bring himself to fight back. He deserved this. Virgil was right.

Patton couldn’t breathe, his lungs felt like they were filling with water. He gurgled and he choked trying to fill his lungs with air. It burned. Suddenly he wasn’t in the kitchen anymore. He was in the ocean and sinking fast. He couldn’t breathe and Virgil was pulling him down into the inky darkness below. Patton looked into Virgil’s eyes they were glowing yellow. That wasn’t right. This wasn’t Virgil. He finally found the desperate need to start fighting back. This wasn’t Virgil that was trying to drown him. He tried to pull away. But the effort made him feel weaker. He couldn’t breathe. Patton tried to scream for help, but again no sound came. He only sucked more water into his lungs. He strength was leaving him fast. His vision began to blur and his head was spinning from the lack of oxygen. It seemed so pointless to try to struggle anymore. He was going to drown alone with this monster that had Virgil’s face. It terrified him, but what could he do. He felt so cold and miserable, maybe it would be better if he just gave up and died already. It was at this moment when he was about to give up and just accept his fate a voice cut through to his dulled senses.

“Patton!” The voice was familiar. He couldn’t place it, but it felt so good to hear. The monster that was pulling him down shied away ever so slightly at the voice. Growling despite them being underwater. “Patton, wake up!” This time the monster shrunk way from Paton like the voice had burned it. As soon as the creature released its hold on him, Patton started to float up to the surface of the water. Patton starting to regain his strength started kicking his legs to swim upwards. He could still hear the voice calling out him. It was warm and inviting. It chased all the cold away making Patton feel warm and content.

He was almost to the surface now. He could see clearly again. He was going to get out of this. He was going to live. His lungs were still desperate for air as he quickly approached the surface, but he was going to make it. He had to.

“Patton help me!” Patton looked beneath himself from where he was rising up to see Virgil down below him, sinking fast into the dark. His brown eyes frantic and full of fear. “Don’t leave me here! I need you!” Patton didn’t even register that he shouldn’t be able to hear Virgil under this water he suddenly changed course trying to dive down, but he couldn’t go against the current that was pulling him upwards and away from Virgil.

“Patton! Wake up!” The other voice called.

“Patton don’t go, please!” Virgil said his eyes welling up with tears. “I am sorry for being a burden! Just don’t leave me!”

Patton screamed trying as hard as he could to get to Virgil, but his strangled cries were muffled by the water. Patton kept rising. Virgil kept sinking.

Patton looked up to see the surface was inches away now. He looked back down but couldn’t spot Virgil, but he heard one last whisper of his voice. “I’m scared, Patton.”  With that Patton finally surfaces.

_______

“Virgil!” Patton screamed waking with a start. sitting upwards nearly colliding with the man who was hovering over him. Patton looked around desperately for Virgil. “Where is Virgil? I have to help him. He is alone and he is scared. I have to get to him. This is all my fault. I have to fix this.” Patton sobbed his eyes stained with tears.

“Shh, Patton. Shh, you were having a nightmare. Calm down.” Logan cooed gently.

Patton’s eyes suddenly found the man sitting beside his bed and calmed if only slightly. It took only a moment more for Patton to remember the events of the previous day. He also remembered what Logan should be doing right now. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be helping Remy with the potion?” Patton asked still extremely frazzled from his dream.

“At this time Remy does not require my assistance and…” Logan trailed off gently grabbing Patton’s wrist that was badly bruised. “I felt this. I assume you injured yourself on the nightstand in your frantic tossing and turning you were doing when I found you.”

“You feel it when I hurt myself?” Patton asked still crying, but slowing down.

“More like I sense it. It is another thing we get when we are bonded with our Wards so that we know when they are in physical danger.” Logan explained gently. He softly ran his finger over Patton nasty bruise examining it. Patton winced slightly and pulled away. “Apologize I was attempting to…” Logan trailed off again not really sure where he was going with that line of dialogue.      

“It’s fine!” Patton interrupted shifting uncomfortably.

“Are you alright Patton?” Logan inquired looking at the clearly shaken man.

“Yeah, I’m fine just a really bad dream. I’ll be okay.” Patton said both trying to reassure himself just as much as Logan.

“May I inquire as to what your dream entailed. Perhaps talking about it will help to assuage your fears.” Logan said in an attempt to make Patton feel better.

Patton shook his head. He felt like if he started talking about it he would only start panicking again. Thankfully Logan seemed to understand and didn't press Patton any further. “Alright, we won’t talk about it them.” After saying this the room fell into an uncomfortable silence. The only sound to be heard Pat’s now quite sobbing.

Logan still is unused to dealing with such emotions moved awkwardly. He reached up and stiffly began to cart his fingers threw Patton’s soft hair. Patton at first stiffened at the touch but relaxed into it. It felt nice. He let out a wet laugh, at Logan’s awkwardness. “You're not used to comforting people are you?” He asked sending him a small glance.

Logan retracted his hand to Patton’s dismay. “I am sorry if I did not act according to for what the situation called for,” Logan said stiffly embarrassed at his inexperience in emotions.

Patton whimpered and shook his head. Taking Logan’s hand into his own he placed it back in his hair. “No, don’t stop. It was helping.”

Logan couldn’t help but, compare Patton to a newborn kitten, small and innocent, scared and unsure, but grateful for comfort he was being given. Logan indulged this little kitten by carting his, more relaxed this time, hand through his hair. Patton’s strained features softened and his strangled sobs ceased completely giving way to an only occasional sniffle.

He looked so at peace to Logan. He would have bet if Patton could purr he would be. Instead, however, the precious kitten stomach began to growl. Making them both realized with a start that Patton had not eaten since the dinner they had shared nearly two days ago now. Patton blushed at his stomach loud behavior. While Logan mentally scolded himself for not making sure his Ward had the nutritional care he needed. He must be starving.

Logan pulled his hand away from Patton’s head once more. Causing Patton to whimper. He wished his stomach had remained silent just a while longer. He honestly didn’t feel like eating.

“Despite the hour, I believe we should go acquire some food for you,” Logan said reluctantly pulling away from Patton who had looked at him in a way pleading for him not to go.   

Patton considered if he should go on a hunger strike until he had Virgil back. He couldn’t imagine the idea of eating anything while Virgil was out there in who knows what kind of trouble, but his stomach had something else to say on that matter as it growled at him again. Patton sighed and flung the covers of the bed off of him. Going to fallow Logan to wherever he planned to take him.

Patton followed Logan out of the bedroom he had been given for the time that he would be staying with the Guardians. Logan led him down a long hallway into a communal kitchen. Patton no longer had to remain hidden as everyone had heard of the mess Logan and Roman had gotten themselves into. Although the nasty little detail of the Gatherer was less than common knowledge. So they couldn’t discuss it out in the open. They had to a least keep some of the peace.

Logan quickly marched over to the refrigerator in the large kitchen. “I am assuming that you would like to eat something light as to not upset your already unsettled stomach.” Logan mused out loud more to himself than to Patton, but Patton still nodded in response to the statement.

As Logan busied himself with putting something together Patton marveled at the large kitchen. It was huge, easily big enough to make over two hundred cupcakes in one go. He smiled at the idea of spending an afternoon completely dedicated to baking or cooking some sort of delicious meal. He was immersed in thought when the toaster popped up with a ding. Causing him to jump with a squeal.

Logan then pulled out the toast and covered it jam. “Toasted whole wheat bread, adorned with Crofters jam. I hope blueberry pomegranate is an okay flavor.” He said handing the slice over to Patton.

“It’s fine,” Patton said with a small smile. He had actually never tried it before, but he knew he liked most jams. Patton took a bite. An explosion of flavor erupted in his mouth. This was by far the best jam he had ever tasted. Maybe, It was because he was really hungry that made the bread taste so good, but he severely doubted he would taste a better piece of bread with jam. “Oh my goodness. This is absolutely amazing.” His hunger strike completely forgotten he scarfed down the food in less than a minute. When finished he started licking his fingers and looked up expectantly at Logan. “Can I have s’more please.” He slurred around his fingers.

Logan let out a soft chuckle at Patton’s childish display. “Sure.” He said putting another slice of bread in the toaster. Patton didn’t stop there he ended up eating a grand total of four slices of toast before he was satisfied.

Patton let out a soft yawn when he had finished his last slice. He looked over the clock on the stove top it read 3:48 am. He let out a sigh. Despite him now being tired he didn’t like the idea of going back to sleep. He didn’t want to have another nightmare.

Logan followed his gaze to the clock and misunderstands its meaning. “Do want to go back to bed? I can leave you alone if you would like. I need to return to aid Remy in the potion making soon anyways.”

“NO!” Patton said quickly. “No, I am not tired anymore. Um… Maybe I could come and watch you and Remy work on the potion. I am sure it is super interesting. Oh, and maybe I can help.” Patton’s heart leaped at the idea of being able to do something to get Virgil home quicker.

“But, you haven’t received the proper amount of sleep that a human requires in order to function properly,” Logan added.

“I am fine. I don’t want to go back to sleep.” Patton said desperately not wanting to be forced into it.

Logan sighed. “Very well, Let us go see how Remy is doing.”

_______

During this time Roman sat in the window of his room lamenting the loss of his bond with Virgil. He couldn’t even know where he was. It was torture. He could always sense the location Ward ever since they had been bonded together, but now there was nothing. He felt nothing. He looked around his room. It was the room he was given when he had first bonded with Virgil. It was small just big enough to keep a few things in. No bed, no desk, one small chair. Guardians once bonded don’t need a room for much more than a place to keep a change of clothes and a few personal items. They don’t come around very often because they are always out protecting their Wards. His room looked as sad and as empty as Roman felt. Not being able to look at his room any longer he went back to staring out the window. It wasn’t much better. It was dark and the stars were obscured by clouds. Only occasionally did Roman catch the slightest glimpses of the moon peeking through. It was like it had been watching Virgil from afar. Only getting to see him from far away and for only the briefest periods of time. He could see him but he was just out of reach. Now though he may never see his pale moon ever again.

It also worried him. If he couldn’t sense Virgil now did that mean he wasn’t his Ward at all anymore, and what would that mean for Roman? Did that mean he had no obligation to Virgil anymore? Would he die if Virgil did? If their bond was completely severed he would have no need to interfere in what was happening. Then there was the question that truly terrified him. Did he have the right to call Virgil his Ward, or even interfere? If he had no connection that would mean that it is completely out of his hands.

Roman shook his head to clear his mind of these thoughts. No Virgil is his Ward and only his. He has every right to be the prince in shining armor coming to the rescue.

He is Virgil’s Guardian and he will save him.

_______

The rest of the night past on in an uneventful manner. Logan assisting Remy with the potion in Remy’s lab. Patton valiantly attempting to help until he fell into a dreamless sleep when he had attempted to rest his eyes for just a second. Roman remaining at the window unmoving for the rest of the night his eyes scanning and searching, but he didn’t really know what for.

Finally, the sun began to peak over the horizon where it would embark on its daily journey across the heavens. As soon as the first speaks of sunlight hit Roman’s eyes he was moving. He made his way down to Remy’s lab to check on the progress being made on the potion. He hoped they would be done soon. The sooner they were done the sooner the Virgil sized hole in his being would be filled. His footsteps echoed through the still empty hallways. As those Guardians who were not out protecting their Wards had yet to rise at this early morning time. Finally, the Guardian arrived at the door to the Lab. He hesitated before entering settling himself so he didn’t look as strained as felt. Once he deemed himself ready he entered.

“He is drooling on my desk! We need to move him!” Remy whisper yelled at Logan.

“He has been unable to sleep properly all night he needs as much as he can get,” Logan whispered back.

“But the drool. I can’t even. You are like being totally a pain.” Remy continued to whisper.

“I ‘like’ don’t ‘like’ care ‘like’” Logan shot back to the stunned Remy.

“What has your Ward done to you,” Remy asked in shock losing all his sass when met with this strange sarcastic Logan.

“I have no clue as to what you are referring, but I rest my case. Patton gets to sleep until he wakes up naturally.” Logan says electing to ignore Remy’s shock, and putting his foot down.

Remy regaining his composure sighs. “Whatever gurl, but ya gotta clean it up later.” He conceded reluctantly.

“Um, I hate to interrupt, but given that you two have time for bickering does that mean you have finished the potion?” Roman asked making his presence known to the others.

“Well, almost the ingredients have to settle together first before they will become active,” Logan explained.

“How long will that take.” Roman groand being impatient.

Remy glanced at the wall clock where it read 6:55 am. “At least not for another hour.”

Roman groaned impatiently, again. “Fine I am going to go eat something. I will be back in an hour.   

______

An hour later Roman returned his stomach full and his patience empty. He had to get to Virgil back soon otherwise he was he was afraid his head would explode. He once again entered the room of the lab to see Patton and Logan talking quietly and Remy scrolling through his Tumblr page.

Roman could scream at them. That damn Gatherer was doing who knows what in Virgil’s body and they are all just chilling out. It was unacceptable. “Well, glad to see you guys are working so hard to get Virgil back.” He spat venomously.

Patton visibly shrunk in on himself at Roman’s harsh words. Those of which Roman was now regretting seeing the death glare Logan shot him. Of course, Patton was doing all he could. But it was obviously not enough for Patton, he wanted to do more.

“Sorry,” Roman mumbled. “I am just really on edge right now… sorry.”

“It’s okay kiddo. We are going to get Virgil back I know it.” Patton said with a reassuring smile. While he sounded confident and sure that what he is speaking is the truth, on the inside, he is the most unsure out of all of them.

“Thanks, Pat,” Roman said appreciating the effort put forth from the clearly distraught man. “So, Remy is the potion ready now?”

Remy reluctantly set his phone down. “Sure is hun, I told you I could do it, gurl.” He walked over and picked up a large vial containing a purple liquid. “It all ready to go, but ya gonna need to listen to me very carefully before you go drinking this.”

Roman nodded. “Ok so like, you’re gonna drink this and it will make you like fall asleep and then basically your mind will be transported into the mind of the person you are thinking’ of. It’ll like probably help if you say his name or whatever before you fall asleep. Then once you're in his mind ya can’t get out until he wakes up.” Remy explained.

“Okay, so how do I wake him up?” Roman asked.

“That depends on him and you boo. Every mind is different and this isn’t exactly something that is like normal. So I don’t know.” Remy shrugged his shoulders.

“Okay, well there is no time like the present,” Roman announced grabbing the vial from Remy, ready to chug it.

“Wait!” Remy warned before Roman could drink it. “First off you’re gonna want to be on a bed before you drink that if you don’t want to end up face first on the floor. Second, you don’t want to drink all of it I made like way too much.” Roman nodded and started out the door to find somewhere he could lay down. The other three close behind.

The group eventually ended up in the room Patton had spent the night in, or at least some of it before his nightmare. Roman sat down on the bed ready to go. “Good luck Roman. Remember to act with caution.” Logan advised.

“See ya later gurl,” Remy said trying to figure out what he was going to eat for breakfast. Hey, so what if his friend was going off on a dangerous mission he was hungry.

Patton just shifted uncomfortably not saying a word.

Roman smiled at the group. “I shall be back. With Virgil safe and sound.” He said regally. With that, he took a small sip of the potion. Gently set it down on the nightstand before saying: “Virgil.” Then his body slumped down on to the bed in deep sleep.      

“Well, there is nothing else we can do except wait,” Logan stated matter-of-factly.

Logan and Remy both started out o the room heading to do other things. Patton remained unmoving staring at Roman, his mind racing.

“Patton, are you okay?” Logan asked turning around in the hallway.

Patton turned his head tears threatening to tumble down his cheeks. He then seemed to make up his mind on a decision. He bounded forward to the nightstand. He grabbed the vial containing the potion.

“Patton what are you…” Logan starts.

“I’m sorry I have to help.” Patton cries, and before Logan can take action he takes a sip of the potion. “Virgil, I’m coming.” With that Patton’s body crumples to the floor, completely limp.

Every nerve in Logan’s body screams at him. His Ward is in danger he has to do something. He looks the vial in Patton’s limp hand most has spilled onto the ground when he fell but there is just a little left. Without thinking Logan grabs the vial and downs its contents. “Virgil.” Is all he manages to say before his body falls next to Patton his blue wings blanketing the small Ward.

Remy stands in the hallway really annoyed. “Well, there go my plans. Damn it gurls, I just wanted to go eat."

________

Chapter 12

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