#I know this isn’t new. but I’m mainly venting here because this is frustrating | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rantrambles · 3 years

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Ever get so upset you make a Tumblr account to vent?

I haven’t even listened to The Penumbra Podcast yet but it’s on my list because it’s insanely popular and the cosplays I’ve seen are hot as hell (A+ to all the cosplayers I’ve seen you’ve done great work). Now, with the recent news surrounding the podcast, I’ll wait till it’s done if I ever do get into it. I’m Asian and part of the LGBT community but I’m not nonbinary so I can’t say much about the trans represention in the art but I wanted to add my two cents on the matter as a person of color and someone examining the situation from the outside. Also, before I get deeply into it, I’m not the only person of color with opinions on this matter so if people have their own frustrations and criticism with the racism in The Penumbra Podcast and/or the new artist they hired, definitely listen to them too. These are my own personal opinions, and I’m sure other people will disagree and that’s fine. We’re all going to have different views on this so bear that in mind. Also, feel free to correct me or add anything if I’ve missed some information. Here’s a great breakdown of the whole situation for those that don’t know what happened. Finally, I was very hesitant to post this, but I felt it was important because I make a statement at the end on how race should be presented in a podcast format so if you are interested in making a podcast and want to have a diverse range of characters, please skip to the end to read those thoughts.

I’ll start off by saying, I’m not even that upset with the new artist that The Penumbra Podcast hired. I know that statement alone is controversial but I don't personally know them, and I’m not going to judge who they are as a person by a few pieces of art they’ve made. They are the least of the problems that I have here. Since the announcement and the backlash, I’ve been scrolling through the artist’s Instagram account and I can tell why people find the designs offensive, but I’m also comparing the designs to the artist’s other work, and I honestly believe that’s just their style. They’ve exaggerated the features of just about every character they’ve made, regardless of race or gender. From what I’ve seen the sharp angles and overly round curves in the anatomy that make some of the character’s features more jarring are how they prefer to draw. I’m sure they’re capable of drawing more realistic proportions but for the most part they’re art aims to call attention, be bold, and create distinguished features. Not inherently a bad thing on its own.

And yeah I’d understand the issue if this were a scenario where the artist heard how these characters acted in the podcast and thought “hey, obviously this character is a black woman because they are super strong and therefore must have big muscles, no other woman could look like that” or “hey, this character has to be Asian because they act super seductive sometimes better draw them as such.” But from my understanding the race was already decided by previous official artists and a general description of the characters were already generated by the audience, similar to how The Magnus Archives leaned towards drawing scrawny Jon with black, greying hair and dark skin. The new artists couldn’t really change those features even if those features aren’t described in canon because a depiction that strayed too far from popular fandom interpretation would make the character’s unrecognizable to the fanbase.

I think the reason this became such a big issue for most people is because the new Penumbra artist used their exaggerated art style when making these characters and people of color and nonbinary folks already see themselves drawn as these exaggerated caricatures all the time (with those images being used to further discriminate against them). I’m sure the artist didn’t mean for their art to be offensive, but that of course doesn’t change how it was received.

According to some, the poses and expressions the artists chose did not fully represent the characters entirely and only served to further perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and I’ll have to take their word for it because I still haven’t listened to the podcast so I have no idea how the characters act. But again much of the criticism is based on the one line-up and doing a deeper dive into the artist’s work I managed to find artwork that was much less offensive. Here some art where Vespa is depicted in a non-violent pose and one where Vespa is in a threatening pose but not an overly violent one. Here is Peter drawn in a non-seductive pose. Hopefully, the artist truly does keep the criticisms in mind as they work on the new official art. I’m just not the type of person that wants to get the pitchforks out and cause this particular person to lose a job they seemed really excited about over their old character line-up, especially when that person is also part of a marginalized group.

Again, that’s just my opinion on that particular artist. Those who are offended by their art are still valid in how they feel, and the artist should absolutely take their criticism to heart to better how they represent the characters.

What I’m more upset about is that I think The Penumbra Podcast should never have released official art for their characters in the first place and that’s their mistake that they refuse to own up about. They have made it clear that the story was never meant to portray characters of colors, a fact emphasized by the fact they hired mostly white actors from the start. They only started releasing art of the characters to get a profit. And the thing is they know what they did was wrong. All I had to do was search Penumbra Podcast racism and there is a note on their website saying that they archived some old official art.

“We have discontinued all Penumbra merchandise that uses the original character designs, and in the meantime, any profits on the sales of that merchandise will go to the For The Gworls project. We also realize that the depiction of these characters as POC, while not appropriate for us to use in our marketing and merchandise, has nonetheless become personally meaningful to many POC listeners. For that reason, and because we do not wish to distance ourselves from our mistake, we are keeping these images on our website for archival purposes. Though we do want to make it clear that many of the main/featured voice actors are white and that we did not write the characters to represent any specific POC experience, you are, as always, free to imagine these characters in any way that you like.”

I went to their shop and they still sell posters and pins with the character’s faces on them, but they are donating it to a good cause so hopefully that stays the same. However, I still find it a little uncomfortable that they are still selling character merch and have plans to continue selling character merch. They have no right to dissuade the fans that already found representation in the characters, but they also have no right to profit off the representation that was built, regardless if they made the story.

Let’s compare this to another piece of popular media. I love Avatar the Last Airbender and, I liked the ATLA voice actors just fine but there should have been more people of color doing voice acting behind the screen too. The voice actors for that show were mainly white too, however, the creators knew that they would be making poc characters. That’s what makes the difference. Did they still choose to go with mostly white voice actors? Yes. Could they have done better and pay more people of color? Also yes. But I’m not as furious at them because they did their research on the cultures they were basing the ATLA world off of and intentionally gave us a show where Asians could see characters that looked like them represented on the screen. The Penumbra Podcast did not do any of that. Again, they openly admitted that it was never their intention to make the character’s people of color when they made the podcast so that goes to show no research was made to properly represent specific cultures. The color of the character’s skin in their official designs therefore became more of aesthetic choice rather than representation, and it wasn’t even their aesthetic choice to begin with!

Race isn’t a color you can just throw onto the character because you feel like it. So I want this to be a lesson to anyone that wants to make a podcast: if you want to include poc characters please do some research into the cultures you plan to represent the way you would with any other form of media. Just because the audience can’t see the characters and just because it’s harder to smoothly introduce the character’s appearance doesn’t mean you’re allowed to be lazy on how you present the characters. Do research before you start writing the first episode and take the time to hire poc actors. Hiring poc actors is actually the least that can be done to show representation. Also, since the audience cannot visually see the race of the characters on a podcast and it can’t typically be described the way you would in a book, you’ll have to be creative. It’s not my job to say how, but my suggestions would be, before the fans come up with their own image of the character, you need to establish race in the first few episodes or release character profiles on a website so that the fans know you canonically intended the characters to be of a certain race even if you aren’t able to mention it in the actual podcast. If you are unwilling to do any of these then the best route is to avoid stating race at all and allow the audience to build their own representation into your form of media. However, once this happens, you are not allowed to profit off popular fan interpretations. You lose all rights to create official art or images of the characters. You cannot use “we have a diverse cast of characters” when you market your story. It doesn’t matter whether you created the content or not, you did not create the representation for those minority groups.

It’s one thing for fans to build their own inclusivity into a form of art like a podcast, but it’s another thing for the creators who never worked to make the representation happen to take advantage of the representation that the listeners built for themselves. Thank you for attending my TedTalk.

#the penumbra podcast #podcast #race #the magnus archives #diversity in podcasts #diversity #tpp #tpp fanart

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fallowdoe · 3 years

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Exotic human

Uniting the realms is a tricky task - part 1, part 2, part 3

I’ve been thinking how human MC’s, given demons have similar dynamics to humans, would have to go through an “exotic” phase.

TW: racism (as in demons towards humans, but it gets uncomfortable), nsfw (mention of p*rn), mention of physical and sexual abuse

Note! Race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender or any other sexual fixation and fetishization is still a big problem in our society. I do not approve of any of described situations, they’re disgusting and rooted in racism, misogyny and homophobia. This is just a dark headcanon!

The first month in the Devildom being simply awkward, after all, you have to learn everything about this weird place you suddenly have to live in. You need to get to know your surroundings, learn about power dynamics, what you can and can’t eat, basically adapting to a new area with extra steps.

Everyone is staring at you no matter where you go. They’re pointing fingers and whispering, some of them are laughing, joking, it’s mainly harmless. Simply spotting someone who draws attention in public.

Some may want to harm you, after all, you’re closer to a meal than an equal being in their eyes. But they’re yet to test the waters. Throwing a comment or threatening you is too risky since you’re always accompanied by one of the demon lords.

Maybe they’re venting to each other about it. It’s frustrating. An incubus you just passed on the street while walking to purgatory hall with Mammon has just sent a text to their friend about what they’d do to you if you were alone. There are jealous lower demons whispering about how you might taste in RADs bathrooms.

The only ones seeing you as an equal, or even superior, are the ones at the bottom of the hierarchy. Little D’s chirp their greetings whenever you pass them at RAD, happy to have a different kind of attention than mocking.

That is the first month.

Your reputation grows. You’re no longer a random human, by now you made yourself known as the exchange student, a wielder of pacts with a few of the avatars. A big deal, almost like Solomon.

You’re getting popular in a lot of different ways. Some demons wave at you as you pass, some surprise you by asking for a photo or wanting to chat. They know your name, some of them really like you.

Some hate you, whatever the reason is. They’re jealous, angry, they’re tempted to hurt you. But you’re always protected. Even if the demon brothers aren’t with you, the threat of Diavolo’s wrath is too much to risk. So they stay silent and either let it go or continue to despise you.

I’m sure that at some point you even scored yourself a few stalkers.

Because here’s the thing. You’re fresh, you’re trendy, you’re different.

Demons have the internet, we’ve seen what humans can post, now imagine what creatures driven by lust can come up with.

“Human porn” has been trending for a while, but at this point, it’s getting out of hand. It’s like a fetish, a kink. They’re just curious after all.

It starts getting uncomfortable when you scroll into the comments. Your name might as well be the most mentioned phrase on those sites.

It gets worse when the first fake porn featuring you gets made. It might start with a simple horny fanart, it makes more spill though.

You want to see the exotic human in a movie? It really isn’t that hard to put your face on someone else’s. It’s popular, it’s making grimm, there’s a lot of it.

You want to see the cute exchange student in a specific scenario? Just type [MC whatever] it definitely exists by now and if somehow it doesn’t you can always commission someone.

Human is now a regular tag on porn sites.

Of course, Diavolo tries to get it under control, censor it, at least what he can. Come on though, you know you can’t censor the internet.

You’re kind of powerless when it comes to this one. Handle it as you wish, angry, sad, disgusted, react or pretend it doesn’t exist.

It dies down soon anyway, just like every other trend.

Maybe there are campaigns, something to draw attention to other aspects of humanity. Some demons see it as wrong, maybe they spread awareness, criticise what’s happening. Maybe it becomes stigmatised, taboo or just embarrassing and cringy.

You go on, it gets quiet but the bitter memory stays.

#obey me!#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me headcanons

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binniedeactivated · 3 years

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The King’s Princess. ||soobin 💦

╰─▸🖤❝ @[𝒃𝒖𝒈𝒔𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒚𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈.. ] ✎𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝒔𝒐𝒐𝒃𝒊𝒏 𝒙 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌!𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 ✎ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆,𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕¡ ✎ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕; 2.3𝒌

[@𝒃𝒖𝒈𝒔𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆] 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇…

-ˏˋ🖋“𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓, 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒆?”. ˎˊ-

“we don’t want to hear it anymore soobin. you’re going to be arranged with someone rich, sweet, skinny and pretty. and that’ll be the end of it”. her sweet yet sassy tone flared among the walls of the house, voice fluttering with beauty yet her tongue was sharper than razor blades. As the Queen it was her every right to be. A frown flickered at her vibrant red lips and her bright brown eyes burned holes into her son’s face.

“mother I just think things should be different”. soobin argued back, shifting his food to multiple sides of his platinum plate. they were all having their nightly feast at the lengthy dinner table, the butlers coming back and forth with servings and refills for drinks. his father straightened his hankerchief in a serious manner, dabbing the corner of his lips like so.

“you cannot always get what you want soobin”. he reminds in his usual monotone.

“that’s for damn sure”. yeonjun muttered just before picking up the wine glass to sip from. he always hated how his younger brother acted when it came to the monarch. almost as if the world revolved around him and him only.

soobin shoots his brother a frustrating look, “no one is talking to you hyung”.

“don’t talk to your older brother like that”. his mother quickly reprimanded. “why don’t you be more like him anyway? even your younger brothers have more self control than you”.

soobin glances at a silent Beomgyu, taehyun, and kai and rolls his eyes. their suits hugging their smaller frames in a way that made them look much more sophisticated than the average teenagers. he hated when she said that. hated it to the fullest. he always had a pocketed feeling that she favored his brothers more than him anyway.

always the pocketed feeling that she wished the second born son was never required to inherit the throne.

almost as if she’d rather have yeonjun take his place instead.

soobin breathes, “I just don’t understand why I can’t just become king and participate in arranged marriage after. I don’t need a wife in order to be king”.

his father glares at him in the midst of his chews of his roasted chicken, “and what are you without a woman by your side soobin? you cannot make all decisions on your own. A woman can see and detect things that most men can’t. without that intuition what would that make of you?”.

“i can make wise decisions without a woman”.

and with that not only did his parents scoff but sparks of laughter was passed around the whole table. soobin just wanted to throw a plate at both of the youngers for even participating in this mess.

“what are the both of you laughing at?”. he addresses clutching his fork in his balled fist.

“hyung you can barely even wake up on your own for school in the morning. what makes you think you can make decisions without a woman?”. taehyun replies matter-of-factly, using his butter knife to gently slice his chicken.

“what does that have to do with anything?”.

“it means you’re not fit to be king. I don’t even know why the inheritance is on you in the first place”. yeonjun snarls.

“because I’m the second born, smart ass”. soobin snarls back.

“you shouldn’t have been born at all”. yeonjun retorts with his whole heart.

“boys that’s enough! yeonjun apologize to your brother”. their mother interrupts angrily.

yeonjun dramatically turns his body around and flashes soobin a fake smile. if soobin didn’t already have a reputation to his name he’d smack the smile off his face. yeonjun cross his legs and places his folded hands atop of his knee.

“i’m sorry that I hate your fucking guts choi soobin”.

“alright! everyone go to your rooms. dinner is over”. their father announced with his loud and obnoxious voice bellowing through the hallways.

“father we weren’t even fighting”. kai whines, referring to him taehyun and beomgyu.

“I don’t care. everyone to their rooms until I say other wise”.

the five boys stood up, each of them sucking their teeth with the exception of kai who annoyingly threw his napkin in the middle of his plate. taehyun rolls his eyes, “thanks a lot yeonjun hyung”.

“shut up”. yeonjun grumbles.

and just like that they parted ways. angry. annoyed. not wanting to speak to each other again, and this was how most of their days went. one of them ruining it for all of them and making them go against each other. soobin being the one most impacted this time, being criticized by his parents about being king and then having his older brother say he isn’t fit to be anything and that he shouldn’t have even been born.

it was normal to say things you didn’t mean when you were angry.

but it was even more normal for the truth to slip out when you were under a fit of rage.

and that’s just what soobin thought about yeonjun’s statement. yeonjun was admitting his truth.

unlocking his door to his room soobin opens the door and throws his suit jacket down on the floor next to his door. he kicks his shoes off in front of the wall, completely disregarding his closet which he could’ve entered had he took the chance to walk further in his room but he didn’t. he was much too frustrated to do anything. he stumbled along his shining marble floors to get under his cardinal colored satin sheets underneath his diamond chandelier.

but he wasn’t expecting company.

with his closet door open there was a girl, slightly bent over, reaching inside his closet to be, what it looked like, organizing his shoes. judging from her outfit--being a skin tight crimson flavored dress with a white apron decorating the front--she was clearly a maid.

soobin could stare at her luscious thick brown thighs for the entirety of the day, but he’d rather not be the perv here. instead he cleared his throat. startled she turned around not even noticing his arrival. she quickly got up off of her knees and bowed graciously. soobin couldn’t stop his eyes from skimming her physique. she was quite thicker than anything he was used to. and her beauty distracted him like a deer in headlights. brown almond shaped eyes, corpulent lips coated with gloss and flawless skin worth dying for. her hair was middle parted and sleek, curly and black stopping only a little past her shoulders. she hadn’t spoken yet but soobin knew just by how straight and white her teeth looked, her smile was going to kill him the most.

“are you a new hire?”. soobin spoke softly. she nods,

“my school tuition needs to be paid. this was the only job open. today is my first day, I was assigned your room. am I bothering you? I can finish later”. she says, the sound of her voice to soobin’s ear was like chocolate to a sweet tooth’s tongue. he wanted more of it and he couldn’t help himself.

“you’re not a bother at all. I’m just surprised my parents didn’t tell me. what’s your name anyways?”.

“indigo”.

and she was just as beautiful as the color, soobin thought.

“I’m choi so--”.

“choi soobin”. she interrupts with a head nod, “I know. everyone knows you”. she informed with a small smile, a dimple pushing into her left cheek. soobin’s heart could just burst.

“oh yeah? are they good things? or bad?”. soobin quizzes, folding his arms with a slight grin. she laughs with sweetness dripping from her lips equivalent to that of honey.

“we all know you’re the second eldest. we know you’re handsome and we all know you’re a spoiled brat”. at this point soobin didn’t know if he was more attracted to her beauty or boldness. maids were never permitted to have more than a 5 second conversation with anyone of royalty. hell, barely even a look in the eye.

“a spoiled brat? I am not. that’s actually quite embarrassing”. soobin admitted with his cheeks turning red. she stands at the tips of her toes and whisks her thumb against his cheeks. any normal human being would know that this wasn’t the way to get rid of a cheek tint but to soobin’s surprise it worked. her hands felt like home against his skin.

“don’t worry. we know you can’t help it. being rich and inheriting the king’s throne has it’s perks huh?”.

“being rich has it’s perks. having your whole family think you’re not fit to be king doesn’t”.

“prove yourself to them”.

soobin scoffs, “yeah and they’ll just laugh in my face again. I don’t even know who they’re thinking about arranging me with. probably someone whose just as bitchy as everyone else in this monarch”. he says, not even realizing he was venting to her.

“god you’re really stressed choi soobin”. she utters mainly referring to the slight vein crawling up his neck.

he peers down at her, “yeah, I am”. the communication between their eyes becoming invincible. a smirk flickered at the corner of her lips and soobin pushes his body closer to hers.

“and if you’d like to help me with that, you’re more than welcomed to”.

she ghosted her lips over his, “but is it permitted?”.

“I don’t care if it isn’t”.

“rebellious boy aren’t you?”. she grinned. soobin smiles, “only a little bit”.

“I guess it all depends on how you want to be helped”.

he grins with secrets in his eyes, “I won’t tell”,

her gloss glistens in chandelier’s glare. “ hm. how do I know that?”.

“get on your knees for me and you’ll see”.

she mutters a small hmph before lowering herself sluggishly, her eyes painstakingly mounting up into soobin’s until she was touching the ground. soobin gifts her a haughty, unflinching stare.

“like this?”. she utters with big innocent eyes. god--she was sexy. and she was well aware of that, soobin could tell.

“seems like you’re asking questions you already know the answers to”. soobin breathes while she drums her fingers on his belt before unfastening it like so. a poignant smirk pierced her cheeks seeing soobin’s length. she tugged his briefs down and let his veiny cock spring free.

“it seems like you’re trying to do things that you know you can’t do”. she replies, wrapping her hands around the base of his dick. soobin tenses before he answers.

“like what?”.

she positions the plushed, throbbing head onto her lips, “like domming me”.

she made those her last words before she sunk his length into her mouth, making sure to hide her teeth and wrap her tongue around it’s shaft. soobin felt his heart race at the feeling of her tepid tongue around the places he was sensitive most.

she hums against his length while a fervid, lewd moan withdrew from her lips. it was careful, yet so erotic that she almost could’ve been mistaken for a pornstar. soobin’s knees turned into jelly at the sound of them. the squelching noises of her saliva filled tongue seeped through the air in the most sinful way. this couldn’t have been her first time.

soobin’s dick was throbbing so hard in her mouth it became too overbearing to withstand.

“f-fuck”. he exhaled desperately, sitting down urgently on the edge of his nearby bed. he watches her plump lips roll off the tip diligently with a protracted spit string to follow. she jerks him off, twisting her hand up to his tip before dragging it back down again.

“is this what you do?”. she questions seductively, and soobin was groaning so much underneath his breath he didn’t even think he had the ability to answer her. “shit--what do y-you mean?”.

“get maids assigned to your room so they can suck you off?”.

soobin sits his head back between his shoulders closing his eyes in the utmost ineffable bliss. “n-no. no I haven’t”. he stutters, just as much as his hips.

she arranges her lips to layer a line of spit along his length and smears it around with her thrusting hand. she taps the tip against her tongue before taking him in whole again, pushing it much deeper into her throat this time. she sucks everything she could reach prior to purposeful gagging, reaping the fruit of her efforts all over his lap. she twirls her tongue around it, lapping her mess in trail from the skin of his lap to the base of his dick.

“fuck you’re so fucking good at this”. soobin glares at her in a lustful daze.

“am I?”. she teases, kissing her way to the beloved tip again. soobin thought looked even sexier with her thighs spreading wider since she was on her knees, the both of them begging to inch their way out of her tight dress.

“fuck yes”.

“will I get a raise for this?”. she snarkily asks with the head of his dick filling her cheeks. soobin’s hips bucks up into her mouth again. the veins in his neck were even more prominent than before just from him forcing down his needy groans. he nods frantically.

“y-yes you can get whatever you want”. he exhales again with oceans of pleasure wreaking havoc in his torso. “I’m about to fucking cum”. she jerks him off once more at an even faster pace, biting the plump juicy lips that soobin wanted to suck off her face.

his hips sputter once more and she immediately sticks two fingers in his mouth while his hot cum darted from his tip. his sheer broken moans vibrated her fingers until he was finished.

she climbs up his lap now straddling him. her relentless eyes met his weary ones, “if we’re going to keep doing this, promise me that I will be the only one making you cum like this”.

soobin nods his head trying to assure her as best as he could. “I p-promise”. she then wraps his hand around his neck,

“you promise what?”.

“I promise you’ll be the only one making me cum like this, princess”.

#soobin smut #txt smut #soobin drabble #txt #txt imagines #txt drabble #drabble #kpop #soobin #choi soobin

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road2nf · 3 years

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Things are still hard but I am much better now.

(This one is very good but very real and intense, so forewarned: CW: mentions of harmful and suicidal thoughts, abuse, death, hurting others, bullying. alternate desired realities)

________________________________________________________

I’ve had a pretty shitty life. And I don’t just mean ‘I don’t get picked for stuff ’ and ‘my parents didn’t buy me that game’, I mean fucked up stuff that should never happen to a kid.

I grew up. I was treated poorly, by everyone. There was different levels to how badly I was treated. Some people were just mean to me because I seemed indifferent. Some people disliked me because I was incapable of asking for help (and I still have trouble doing this, mainly because no help was given to me when I called for aid as a child, and it ingrained in me that asking for help is useless since no one is going to help. The same thing with crying).

I lived through this. For years.

I am still in a bad place, but now I am strong and hard and I have some confidence. But...I had given up trying. I had given up trying back when I was in year 5 and the thing happened. I had given up then. The spark wasn’t there.

I wasn’t suicidal though. I love me. I am nihilist, and I do not believe this is all real, but I believe in the high possibility of this being an experience my real me is experiencing. I know that sounds confusing, but bear with me.

I...don’t want to stop existing here. I have no way of knowing the other existence isn’t worse. It could be better. There might be a ridiculous cloud city with everything I need. There might be a place where people are educated in not being dicks. I dunno, I could stop existing here and start existing as my Nation State’s leader figure. I could wake up and this was all testing done on some lab. I could die and be stuck as a ghost here (I’d like that very much actually. At least I am sure of what is here). Well, my point is, I love things here. Things that are not society. Things that are great.

The feeling of sharing laughter with a human who is not a threat and who won’t harm you. The feeling you feel when you yawn in the morning after you’ve finally charged up the courage to jumpstart your body into action.

The way icy cold water down your throat feels like pure bliss on a thirsty day.

The way birds do the thing where they just go along their business, Jumping back and forth rather than taking steps.

The way dogs encircle their sleeping spots.

The way the laughter of a fierce rogue in a movie makes everyone crack a smile.

The way it feels to touch a beautiful instrument.

The way you feel when you see someone you are fond of manage to do something that makes them happy.

The way the ground sounds when you are not in a hurry.

The way the wind blows a nice breeze on a sunny day.

The way your heart races when lightning suddenly illuminates all the darkness.

The way you can get into an argument with any animal based solely on making noises at them and them responding with a noise and you doing it again.

The way your own eyes look when you are happy and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and you can’t help but smile at how beautiful you are in that second.

The way that a new pen starts working smoothly, with grace, when you buy it.

The way everyone tries to lick thiir elbows once they find out they can’t.

The way it feels to bite into plain toast when you are hungry but not for flavor, but for crunch.

The way music-box music can make you dazed and exist only to experience the music at that moment.

The way it feels when the first drops come after a drought.

The way looking at the ocean feels like.

The way it feels when you can hear the ocean before being able to see it.

Those are all beautiful things. I knew they were. But I also knew society was hazardous. I knew my domestic life was hazardous. I knew people who proclaimed to be adults defined adults as ‘people who rules over those who are not adults’, rather than what they should be, protectors of the young and the old. I knew the system was so corrupt I could not seek revenge or justice if anything bad happened to me. I didn’t think people with ‘normal’ lives could understand how hard it was to be fucked up. I didn’t believe it was possible.

Then I found John Green.

The way he talked...it was enthusiasm, not unlike that of an innocent child, but relaxed...it was the sort of thing I wish I could achieve.

When I was a kid, a few times I felt that typical kid enthusiasm. I would stumble over my words, I would feel like bouncing up and down. I felt like everyone should listen and that I couldn’t get the words out and that telepathy should be real so I could explain myself. I wished I could keep that feeling, I wish that life hadn’t killed that feeling out of me. I wished I could have grown as an adolescent with that feeling. I wish I had been an active teen. The feeling rekindled about...I don’t know. Not that long ago. I know that when I was 15 I felt horrible, terrible.

I held on. I loved me. I was the only one that loved me for me without asking questions and without expecting anything.

I held on, I droned on. I could have given up. I could have refused to move. I could have stayed in bed and tried to sleep everything away (and I wanted to, I wanted to so badly...).

Little things kept me from doing that. Things like being able to experience another life, no matter how fake, on a game console. The way I could create an alternate me, who wasn’t stuck in this life, a me that could be free and could start recuperating from this life.

I’m glad I survived. I’m not saying John’s videos saved me, I’m just saying there were one of the many very important things I stumbled across to come to the brilliant realization that it is possible to overcome the bullshit.

The way John calmly, though excitedly, answered questions and made comments and tried to see different sides of things...it was...it was amazing to see. Everywhere I had looked everything was anger and sadness. I felt angry all the time. I felt sad all the time. I felt like killing people. I got so frustrated I wanted to end them. I didn’t plan out killing them or anything, its just...I knew I wasn’t going to let myself die. I had overcome things. I wasn’t going to give up. And I wasn’t going to let anyone hurt me. I didn’t care who I hurt in the process. And I was willing to end people for it. I held on. I let my frustration seep through the games I played. I vented through them. I vented through art. I vented through reading. I never broke anything or got into fights, but I loathed people. I loathed society. All societies.

But I got to this point where...where things like GISHWES were a thing. Where I found people willing to help. And they didn’t need to help me, just help in general. They existed there, on the other side of the internet, and they were doing things because...there was no because. You don’t need a reason to help people.

I’m not saying I’m not sad now or that I don’t hate things...but I do have happiness. I have neutrality. I can be calm. I can make friends. I can be distant but still close.

When I had finally gotten to that stage...when I started watching the vlog thing...man, Hank and John are just amazing. They were like friends who didn’t expect anything from us or each other. They made their lives public...and it turned out okay.

And I know this is weird, but I love the SciShow Hank does. I love learning things. I haven’t felt such passion for learning since I found out what dinosaurs were as a kid!

It’s beautiful. Life is. And society one day can be too. But...at least there are some little pieces of society that are okay.

So...I guess I love you guys.

Nerdfighters made this big. I...I can’t thank you enough, ok?

I felt so horrible all the time and now I just...I love things now.

Things are still hard but I am much better now.

I just love you guys, all the thousand and millions of yous.

- Anonymous

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candicewright · 3 years

Note

Hello Candice, it might not be the right time and place to vent my opinion in, since it mainly includes twt and ytb and might cause some controversy, but you are very reasonable person and won’t slam me so I’ll just do it. I am both XZ and WYB fan. I am not an yizhan shipper yet the majority of accounts I follow are bjyx related. Why? I cannot stand most of the solo stans. The last straw for me was today’s announcement of USXiaoZhanFans🇺🇸 twitter account and all the comments below. If you want to spend the rest of the evening peacefully, do not look it up. So there is this thing... Whether you are just XZ’s fan or WYB’s fan you will occasionally come across a content that involves both of them. And that is alright, isn’t it? Since CQL has been such a huge success, and let’s be honest ~ XZ hit a jackpot with his popularity especially thanks to his outstanding acting in the said drama, it should be all well. Yet, especially XFX, are trying to either wash XZ’s part in filming CQL or wash WYB’s existence in general. They would mention almost everyone XZ has ever associated with except for WYB, claiming there are just protecting him. But are they really? Isn’t it partly their fault XZ and WYB can’t publicly interact anymore? If XZ sees his fans disliking WYB’s presence around him, what will he logically do then? And I am not even talking about those XFX slamming WYB. Before anyone can come at me for complaining just about XFX, I would like to say I did a big research on things, watched tones of toxic solo videos and content, stuff involving the 227 incident, not because I like to torture myself, but because I wanted to make my own opinion. The funny part is that I have seen just minority of MTJJ talking badly about XZ but I have seen tons of XFX slamming WYB, acusing him of not supporting XZ or even participating in the 227 incident. Of course, this might be different on various platforms, especially on weibo, but I just find this very interesting. I immediatelly dismiss all the people blaiming WYB for taking part in the 227 incident. There is no point in interacting with them because what would he achieve by that? I’m not blind, I know WYB has valued his friendship with XZ over everything else. If you don’t see it from their interviews, and choose to ignore it from the bts clips (because if they didn’t like each other they wouldn’t have interacted at all; it’s not like they were forced to do so) then you are just a big idiot. As for people slamming WYB for not supporting XZ after the hate.. Well, is that even a question? First of all, I doubt that XZ, as WYB’s senior, would like him to suffer as well. Second of all, wouldn’t it make it even worse? Third of all, silence is better than bullshit. I believe that they supported each other privately. I’ve been a long time k-pop fan so this silent treatment is nothing new for me (as some of the k-pop idols get slammed for even more ridiculous things). XFX blaiming WYB for not being dragged down by the incident as well (yeah, you see this right) are just on another level. Did he really not suffer? Didn’t he loose his good friend...? “Why the antis attacked just XZ, not WYB?” Maybe because WYB has already gone throught this and got stronger and wouldn’t keep up with their bullshit at all? It was only logical thing to tear XZ down as his popularity was insanely increasing and in the antis eyes he was the weaker prey. (Don’t get me wrong here. I am not saying XZ is a weak person, I am just stating the fact that WYB has already gone throught this and is more experienced.) .... I could go on and on but I choose not to do it. The main point of submiting this wasn’t just to “vent my anger,” but mainly to thank you guys. As I said before even though I don’t ship them I have never seen more love and understanding than here. I can clearly see you care for both of them, without being biased, and that’s what I want, what I was looking for. And how do I deal with stuff I don’t like to see or don’t feel comfortable with on bjyx blogs? I simply skip it, ignore it. 😊 It’s not that hard😊🖤 TY

Hey! It's absolutely okay to vent here. In fact, I encourage it💜 I completely understand your frustration. If I was in your shoes, I feel like I too would follow bjyx blogs because I've seen way too many toxic solos trying to bring each other's idol down. There are some really sweet solo fans though! I could name many here on tumblr and they are a delight to talk to.

I didn't have to look up that drama because it popped up on my Twitter tl. I'm glad they made that statement and the QRTs and replies are just a free block list. But yes, it's disheartening to see so much hate in fandoms that would be so much better together.

I agree that wyb had nothing to do with 2//27 and it always makes me sad to see people saying that they wish he had done more because he probably wishes so himself. But yes, It would have just made things worse if he had, and I think it's obvious that he gave xz his support privately.

I am glad that you can find a comfortable place here! We really do love them both and you can always ignore our screaming and CPN if you need to lol😂 I wish you all the best, anon💜

#ask response #bjyx #yizhan

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somebodyonline123 · 4 years

Note

If you wanna try writing fanfic, what about 14 with Sokka for the fluff prompts? (Feel free not to answer this if you’re uncomfortable with that)

I tried to answer here both your request for 14, and also include 11, ‘cause apparently I’ve misread @roselevesque‘s request for 19.

11: "Is this ok?" "It's perfect"

14: "Shut up" "Make me"

Boys and Soldiers or Turtleduck Tales

Zuko sighed, rubbing his temples. Being the Firelord didn’t always come easy for him, since he had to handle some especially delicate matters regarding peace- his father’s old councilmen weren’t exactly helpful either. Fortunately, Iroh did his best to help his nephew, but even he seemed to have become tired of dealing with the aftermath of his brother’s reign.

In time, Zuko had learned to control his temper, but even now, on some occasions, he would feel like lashing out, mainly because of stress, due to the pressure of the other nations; expectations and demands.

His only outlet for venting was the turtleduck pond in the palace garden, where his friends would often find him feeding, petting, the little animals, and even, on occasion, talk to them about his problems. He would often spend hours there, enjoying their company, but he couldn’t help feeling alone in doing so. Sure, he had his friends, and he and Mai were still on good terms, despite their breakup, but something in his life seemed to be missing.

On a particularly stressful day, one of his father’s old generals came to voice his complaints.

“Prince Zuko- “

“It’s Firelord Zuko, to you”, said Sokka, stepping forward from behind the left side of Zuko’s throne. He would, occasionally, swap shifts with Suki, to ‘cover for her’, but in reality, he just liked spending time with Zuko.

“Prince Zuko, what’s this? A man in make up? A harlot, by your side? Is this what you want to teach our children? That our nation isn’t the greatest, that they should succumb to this outrage? To feel shame of our ideals of a nation, and think of us as invaders, while we only enlightened these savages? Your Father, the Firelord would have done a much better job at this than you ever will, prince Zuko”, continued the general, unaffected by Sokka’s commentary.

“How could you say his, you ignorant piece of-”, started Sokka.

“ENOUGH”, resonated Zuko’s voice trough the throne room, clearly angry.

“You’ll get your punishment, ladyboy, let’s see how you’ll shake your ass in prison”, smirked the general, satisfied with the development.

“I was talking to you”, growled Zuko, grabbing the general by his collar. “You dare come into my house, show no sign of respect, accuse me of not knowing how to do my job right, even though you haven’t served the Fire Nation in any significant way, and have the audacity to disrespect my trusted and dear friend? I was holding out on sending you to prison, along with the other generals who have betrayed our nation in such a horrific way, by taking military action against innocent people, since you didn’t have much of an input. Now, I’ve changed my mind. Guards, you know what to do.”

Whole being steaming, Zuko watched as the offender was dragged to join his dear Firelord. Sokka had never seen him this way, and tried to lighten up the situation with a joke.

“So... that was a pretty steamy situation, you ok man?”

Zuko answered nothing in response, and instead left hurriedly. Of course, we all knew where he was going. Sokka found him sitting alone, staring at the turtleducks with a sad expression. Before he could open his mouth, his friend said:

“Do you ever look at them, at how carefree they are, no rules to follow, no shoes to fill or change, no expectations of the world resting on their shoulders, and wish that you could be a turtleduck?”

“Well, I don’t really spend as much time with them as you do, but honestly, I wouldn’t choose that. If I were a turtleduck, I wouldn’t have had so many great adventures, grown as a person, or even meet you. I can’t live in a world like that. And I know that secretly you don’t either. Look, what that man said isn’t true. You are the greatest Firelord I have met, which isn’t really saying much, ‘cause I’ve only met your dad and he’s not the best example, but, look. What I’m trying to say is that you have done so much for these people and have made their lives so much better while being Firelord, and it’s only been such a short while, you have a whole reign ahead of you.”

“Well, a lot of people don’t seem to agree with you, like that general, for example. They think that I’m ruining the Fire Nation, that I’m destroying the values of my ancestors, but I’m only trying to do what’s right? Why can’t they understand?”, sighed the young, angsty, teenager, in frustration.

“Zuko, you are the reason I can believe in a new day. You are my hope for the reconstruction of my homeland, the one who made peace possible, and who can guarantee me that I can rest knowing that the next day will not bring another war in my way. I have faith in you, and besides, you are not alone! We may not be world-class diplomats, but we have dealt with some pretty tough people before. You can count on us, on your friends, to be there to help you when you have troubles. Aang, Katara, Toph, Suki, Mei, Ty Lee, maybe Azula too, in time, when she can heal, and of course, me!”

“But what if I’m not enough? What if-”

“Shut up. You are perfect”, whispered Sokka, both hands cupping Zuko’s face, while leaning in. “Is this ok?”, he asked, inches away from the other boy’s lips.

“It’s perfect”, the Firelord replied, closing his eyes and meeting him in the middle.

When he felt the Watertribe boy’s lips touching his own, Zuko finally realized what he’d lacked all this time- a response to the unanswered questions swirling inside his heart, and all started to make sense for him at once, the two fitting together like two pieces of a puzzle.

As they pulled apart, out of breath, Sokka opened his eyes to see the other teenager looking at him with a lovestruck grin on his face. He couldn’t contain his laughter, and he exclaimed:

“God, you look like a dork, so adorable.”

“Shut up.”

“Make me”, he replied with a suggestive smirk.

And so, he did, relaxing for the whole afternoon in the presence of his dear Sokka, who he now gets to call his boyfriend, while splashing and laughing together, feeding the turtleducks, and sneaking the occasional peck.

#zukka #zukka nation #zukka fanfic #fanfic #fanfic prompt #avatar sokka #avatar the last airbender #avatar zuko #atla

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ryuichirou · 4 years

Note

(Same anon)That’s exactly my issue with the criticisms I’ve seen! When I see the manga brought up in general manga/anime places, the general consensus is that it’s as great as ever, whilst it’s mostly dedicated fandom spaces/accounts that seem to think otherwise. I think it’s because fanon ideas of characters/events are so prevalent, people lose sight of the actual story, whereas people not in those spaces don’t have the same issues. I think you’re right with the monthly updates and leaks as well, as ever since uprising, the publishing arc seems to be viewed pretty harshly, but then when it’s over, it’s viewed better. I hope that’s the case here. I just want an ending that makes sense, and it would take a lot for me to feel the series was completely ruined, even if the ending isn’t mind blowing, but I feel some people want more than it’s possible for Isayama to give (because their expectations are just too damn high) or just want their very specific idea. Sorry about complaining, but with people jumping to pre-judge the chapter due to leaks (again), I needed to vent and to say how much I appreciate your blog and art (seriously, I’m drawing more recently, and would love to draw as well as you)

Oh wow, first of all, WOW, I can’t believe you managed to send such a long message via ask box!! Is this allowed? What kind of magic??

Second of all, YES, I agree with you 100%, Anon. You’re so, so right that this is mainly the case for the fandom accounts, the general manga/anime spaces are way more chill about it. But the moment you enter the fandom space, it’s over: why doesn’t Levi do anything, why is he so obsessed with Zeke, who cares about Zeke anyway???, why is Eren bad, why didn’t these characters kiss, why didn’t they show Eren banging Historia, etc etc etc. A lot of people want others to believe that they care about the manga, but in reality the only thing they care about is whether their favourite ship is canon or not. And every fandom space is like this: on tumblr, on twitter, on reddit. Your ship won’t become canon period, grow up. The story isn’t about pleasing you and making your faves date.

And the leaks make it so much worse??? If you can’t keep it together and take everything with a grain of salt until you’ve read an actual chapter, just don’t read the leaks?? It’s getting worse every chapter, it’s extremely annoying. I don’t know why people keep base their assumptions on the leaks waaay before the chapter comes out. Not to mention that from what I’ve seen and been told, these leak translators fucking lie in their translations and twist the manga the way THEY found fitting instead of respecting Isayama and what he’s doing.

Once again, I’m sure there are people who read the manga the way it is, and even if there is anything they don’t like, it’s not “oh my ship isn’t canon so manga bad”. And I’m not saying that people should like every aspect of it. But when the majority of the complaints boils down to “I want this to be canon”, “I imagined it differently” and “why doesn’t my fave get more screen time”, it gets extremely frustrating to read people’s takes on new chapters. And we gave up doing it altogether, it’s just another reason for us to avoid everything in the fandom.

I really want the ending to make sense too. I want Isayama to finish the story the way he imagined it, the way that would conclude it properly.

(Feel free to complain, as you can see I suddenly have a lot to say too lol)

And thank you so much for liking this blog and the stuff we post!! It’s very special to hear, your ask made our day ❤️❤️❤️❤️ I’d love to see your drawings someday… Hope you’re having fun with them💕

#replies

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jamiedc-they-them · 4 years

Text

Who you used to, and still can, be (Platonic)

Requested Imagine: “Agents of shield x reader where the reader went missing in earlier seasons but later in season 5 when daisy has to be in the fighting arena cause of the kree the opponent she’s facing is the reader but reader is wearing a mask and has no memory of how she got to space let along the future or the team. So when the readers mask comes off because of a blast by daisy it’s like winter soldier but eventually the reader remembers the team? I love ur writing”

Daisy Johnson was tired; she had just beaten Sinara, and still Fitz hadn’t acted. She looked up to her friend, silently questioning that choice; he only shook his head slightly, but she still saw it. He was warning her: Not yet.

She didn’t know why, but she trusted her brother; so, she just nodded and got ready as for what was next.

She, however, did want Fitz to act soon-ish; otherwise this plan would fail, and Fitzsimmons would forever be stuck in this place with no way out.

She couldn’t let that happen to either one of the two, they had already lost each other so many times; to have this happen would probably be the last straw and they’d just give up.

Although, part of Daisy knew her siblings wouldn’t ever give you; they’d been through worse (with the others and without) and the whole reason they made it was because of their bond. Those bonds that never seemed to either waiver or break.

Still, for a while now, they were missing someone in their ranks; a void that was never going to be filled again. They never brought it up, the mere thought of it bringing them too much pain to bear with.

You were with the team since the start and were the closest with Daisy out of all of them; you both just gravitated towards each other and acted like you’d been best friends since forever, even if you had just met and were just getting used to each other.

Ward was once right in his synopsis of how he had wished whatever had happened to you had been physical; something she could hunt and hurt for taking you away from your family.

She looked at Jemma at the reminder of you; even though further away, Jemma seemed to be thinking of you two, the sad twinkle in her friend’s eye gave it away.

Still, all that could wait; she needed to get those friends that she knew the location of out of this place as soon as possible and save the world from her ability. Nothing else mattered in this moment, not even their never fully processed grief.

“Seems the Destroyer is a lot more capable than I gave her credit for,” Kasius said as he leaned forward with intrigue, “Placing our bets, yet friends?” He asked the group of people that certainly weren’t friends; if anything, In Fitz’s mind, they were just pawns in a much larger game the man was trying to play.

Still, they all eagerly nodded, placing a smile on the man’s face as he looked back down at Daisy; the woman was looking defiantly at him, seemingly drawing from the quick trip back to her missing family member.

Pain had always been a powerful motivator.

“Well, I suppose we should waste no time in moving things along, shall we?” He said; Daisy sighed, knowing what that meant, it meant another fight.

She closed her eyes, just desperate wanting to get this thing over and done with as soon as possible.

The new opponent emerged, this one wearing a mask to hide their face from view; Daisy wanted to roll her eyes but rolled her shoulders instead to try and help get them ready for what was about to come.

At least with this opponent, she wouldn’t be able to see their face; at least it made it less personal, she guessed; silver linings and all that.

She had one last look with Fitz; this time giving him the message: Whenever you’re ready.

“I present to you, Tornado!” He yelled, as if the name was impressive; Daisy did roll her eyes at the name.

Wasn’t the most original; then again, her own name was either “Quake” or “Destroyer of worlds” so it was either ominous or exactly on point. She wasn’t sure which option scared her more, really.

She took a breath and rolled her neck, trying to prepare for what was to come.

The next moment, she attacked first.

Daisy Johnson was someone that you called a sister, and she called you her sibling. You both just got along instantly, there was something about each other that made you want to get to know each other.

Sure, she called Jemma (and now Elena) sisters and Fitz and Mack brothers; but, with you, it was a lot quicker. It was probably the way you’d come to check up on her after every mission, the way you’d be concerned for her well being when she came back and after a job well done.

She had seen it a few times before, gangs of people in the orphanage; but she’d never really experience it before. That was until she met you guys, and she almost let herself believe that she had found a place to belong in.

Of course, in your mind, she was already a part of this whole thing; granted, just not with authorisation. But she was here, putting up with your insecurities and assuring you that you too belonged here.

So, that was probably what made her declare you family to her first; the way you always went out of your way to help her when needed; when Coulson was taken by Raina, you defended her against agent Hand, then followed her out and helped her track the man down.

With Jemma, she had kind of become the doctor on sight. As much as she wasn’t really trained in that field, she had done a good job so far; you made sure to tell her. The reward for so would be seeing your friend flash you a genuine smile that did wobble a little.

Fitz was her best-best-best friend, but you and Daisy (Skye at the time) pretty quickly became two of her closest friends. It was most likely the way that you were all cramped on this plane and forced to work together, something Fitzsimmons disagreed with at first. But it had slowly started to grow on them.

Fitz too, had some esteem issues when with anyone else; so, whenever Ward would accidentally go too far, you’d defend the Scotsman, something both him and Simmons appreciated. He quickly knew you were someone in his corner whenever he needed.

Ward had been taught to be closed off; obviously, his training wouldn’t disappear magically. He did, however, start to soften to you all and see you as friends rather than just co-workers.

May showed in her own way that she cared for all of you. Mainly with you, it was by checking on you as your insomnia did it’s job of fucking your sleep schedule up. Secretly, she had asked Fitzsimmons to either try and develop something to help you, or to find you some sleeping pills. Something they did without a second thought.

Coulson had always noticed you in the background, doing your training and whatever else you needed to do to get by; but, other than that, you weren’t really noticed nor appreciated.

It hurt him a little, seeing someone of your calibre not have an opportunity to use your skills. He knew that, if he didn’t bring you on board, you’d surely be stuck in here forever. Destined to never get out and see the world for all the nihilistic darkness at is worst, and optimistic brightest at it’s best and everything in between.

“Agent Y/L/N?” He asked as he approached your one time when you were eating; as soon as you saw him and heard your name, you almost chocked on your drink. Coulson was quick to pat your back to try and save you.

“Thank – Thank you, sir.” You said once your coughing fit had calmed down; he gave you an assuring smile as he sat next to you.

“Noticed your scores today, doing good, Y/N,” You smiled at his compliment, “But, it’s not your best. Your doing this on purpose,” You looked genuinely offended at his accusation; but he also noticed the look of hesitation in your eye. The look that told him he had assumed correct.

Either way he was quick to assure you, “Don’t worry, this isn’t about that. No, rather, I wanted to propose something to you.”

So, strength was your thing, Daisy realised as she was punched, spinning around before hitting the wall. Now she realised how you got your name, at least. All-be-it in a painful manner.

“Ok,” She said as she raised herself up from the ground, taking note of how you allowed it and didn’t continue your assault, “Alright you freaky bitch, let’s go.” She said, hyping herself up and gaining the adrenaline she needed to push through this fight.

She tried to limit the use of her powers, knowing that doing so would allow her some surprise to you when you used them.

At the same time, though, you were using restraint as well. You weren’t fully giving into your power (something she silently thanked you for) as you instead relied on your moves; moves which she could’ve sworn May used at one point. It wasn’t as kicky flippy as the two of them, but it was in the similar vein.

A punch to your mask sent you back, but also a pain in her hand that had hit the thing.

Ok, so, next time Quake punch it, got it.

SHIELD falling to HYDRA had been a turn none of you had seen coming, if you were honest. But the thing was, they were all together; safe, alive, a family once again. They were, however, missing you in that family.

Daisy had returned with Ward to see Garret being pulled away; as she did a headcount of her friends, she asked, “Where’s Y/N?” Worry coating her tone; after the day she had, she needed someone to vent to and for someone to understand her frustrations; you would provide that need.

They all looked around for you but couldn’t find you.

However, this time, they were lucky.

“I’m here!” You called out as you ran to them, Daisy instantly hugged you tightly, the others all walking over with small smiles despite their worlds falling apart around them at the seams.

“Good to see you again, kiddo.” Coulson said in a fatherly manner, you just nodded as you placed your chin on Daisy’s shoulder; Fitzsimmons managed a smile, although not as bright as it usually was; May gave you a nod; Ward nodded with a small smile before leaving with Garret.

All that mattered to them was that you were here. That you were alive.

Your spin kick was one Daisy not only dodged, but also recognised; now she was on edge. Who had taught her opponent to kick the same way you had. Sure, you hadn’t exactly copyrighted the thing; but the way you kicked was always different to the others, something that May had adapted to.

She spun round as another punch hit her; this time, though, she held felt the vibrations and used them in her returning punch. This punch made your mask and hood fall off.

When you looked back up, Fitzsimmons’ and her own eyes widened as they all recognised the person in front of them.

All agent Johnsons could do was say the name of the person she saw.

“Y/N….?”

That good luck had only lasted so long, however. Sure, you survived the uprising, but Garret had plans for you; he knew how Ward cared about you deeply as a friend. So, when he asked for the man to find Skye, that went double to for you too.

“You could always use a partner, son. Hell, you both were practically partners in SHIELD anyway.” He said to try and get the man onboard with the plan.

He accepted the plan.

He got both of you on the plane; Skye kept an extra eye out for you though, as she was the only one who knew of his betrayal.

However, the last time she ever saw you was when you walked up the spiral stairs.

“Where are they?” Daisy asked with bated breath, she gulped as she asked it and pushed the tears away. Ward’s gazed softened a little at her worry.

“We’ll take care of them –“ He tried to promise her, but she slammed her head into the next moment.

“You son of a bitch!” She growled, forgetting about the threat on her life an acting purely on sisterly instinct which was currently hellbent on keeping you from being in HYDRA’s control.

“She’s just a puppet to you, isn’t she?” She asked, almost breathless as countless scenarios played out in her mind of what could and probably would happen to you in HYDRA’s control.

She was wrong, however; as she never saw you again after that. But neither did Ward after Garret died; you just went off the grid and it appeared as if you had never existed.

You, however, had existed to a few people that cared about you deeply.

Daisy was frozen; she knew, easily, that so where your other brother and sister. She didn’t have time to fully process the new twist that seemed to be added to the tale (maybe Kasius knew, maybe he had someone on his side) as she dodged another punch and kick.

Now that she knew it was you, she could easily tell what your style was going to be. She had trained with you before, even though Ward too trained her; She kind of wished she had you as a SO instead of Ward, maybe it would’ve blocked out a lot of pain.

It did not, unfortunately, block out the pain of another fist to the face; still not your full power, but it still packed a punch.

She grunted at the impact but turned and threw you away with a quick Quake blast. Part of her had hoped that doing so would somehow shake your memories.

It only, however, made you hit the wall and groan in pain.

“Y/N, I don’t want to fight you,” Your opponent begged you, seemingly desperately, “I don’t want to hurt you.” Her voice was soft, despite the situation you both were in at the moment.

“You’re only saying that because I am kicking your ass.” You spat out some blood that had reached your mouth; part of her seemed to soften slightly at you words, as if they meant something to her.

As Jemma had told her when she found her sister before they went to the Framework, she was trying to atone for Lincoln’s death mainly. But both knew there was something else as well.

“I know Y/N’s death hurt you, it hurt all of us –”

“Jemma –” She said, to try and both keep her friend quiet and not have her break down again; she hated to see any of her friends hurt or sad, but Jemma was her best-best-best friend; meaning it hurt a hell of a lot more.

“Daisy, please…I can’t lose you too.” Jemma begged her best friend, not wanting to lose another family member.

“Hey, look at me,” Jemma obliged, “I will beat them. If Y/N was here too, it’d be a hell of a lot easier; but I swear to you Simmons, I will. We will walk out of here. This is not were your story ends.” She promised Jemma.

Your story however, seemed to of ended since the day with Ward in the BUS to Daisy. She, however, continued her search for you; you were family, and she didn’t give up on family, no matter what.

She’d found sightings of you around the place; the Inhuman crisis was taking up a lot of her time, this as something to try and alleviate some of that anxiety over it; along with to try and help ease the guilt she felt for apparently letting you go so easily.

Some Inhuman reports seemed to match up with where you were, so it made sense to her to try and look there. Coulson, however much he may have been curious of them, still denied her the mission. She was told her efforts were spent better elsewhere.

When Lincoln was gone, she was out in her van, drinking from a vodka bottle she had stolen from a store; in one way, it was like a homecoming; in another, it was reminder that she could never fully go back to that life of being a simple hacker; she was a “hero” now; but she was a broken one, one without a sidekick at her side; maybe your disappearance was a blessing in the disguise of a curse, though. Maybe it just meant that she could spare you the fate of getting hurt because of her.

Right now, though, she was getting hurt because of you; you were taking advantage of her not wanting to fight you; throwing punches left and right, always trying to hit her. She could tell that, now, you were putting your whole force behind each punch. Seemed your name was a trigger word for you.

For now, it was just hurt on an emotional level; having to fight one of her best friends and siblings wasn’t something she thought she’d have to do to get the rest out, but here she was. She blocked one of your punched and used her power to stop the momentum of your other arm as she punched you in the face, then kicking you away.

The next moment, the forcefield went down and Fitz jumped down in an action movie style stunt; he then shot the guard that had entered the room, but then he turned to gun on you.

“FITZ, NO!” Daisy cried out in horror and desperation as the weapon went off. You went down the next moment.

Daisy was on the floor, having finally had the days events catch up with her physically; Jemma and Fitz instantly grabbed her and allowed her to put her weight on them as they helped her move over to you.

“Y/N? Hey, come on; don’t do this to me. Not now, not when we just got you back….please.” She begged, putting a hand on your heart that had a faint beat to it; she then looked to two of her other siblings, both of whom nodded (all-be-it with some hesitation) before she used her ability one more time on your chest.

You had been injured on a mission, gravely so. It looked to almost be your end. Almost being the keyword there.

“Lay them down!” Jemma exclaimed as Ward carried you in and did as asked with no comment. He just wanted you to survive.

Jemma tore your jacket off, then your shirt to look at your wound.

“Oh no,” She said in a quick breath she she started pressing her hands against your chest, “Come on, Y/N! Come on! Don’t die on us! Not now!” She begged.

You shot up; eyes wide as you looked around the room with surprise of having woken up.

You then met the eyes of Daisy, who watched you with both a teary gaze, but those tears weren’t just out of relief, they were also out of stress, fear, sisterly love; a lot of feelings all locked into two shiny eyes.

But, part of you recognised the gaze.

“Skye?” You asked, Skye let out a laugh at your use of her name as she put a hand on your knee.

“It’s us, Y/nn. It’s us. I know this is weird, but we have to go. We have to find the others.” She told you in a soft, but fragile tone.

“The others? They’re here?” You asked; a tear ran down her face as she nodded.

The next moment, Fitz entered your vision, “Hey, Y/N. Listen, you’re going to feel a little off for a while. Just let us know if you need us and we’ll help you.” He said as he offered you a hand. You took it in a cautious manner as you were lifted to your feet.

“Your Fitz, right?” He nodded, a smile on his face. You then turned to the last person in the room, “Jemma?” You asked, voice quiet and soft; the woman nodded, before embracing you herself as you felt Fitz put a hand on your shoulder.

“Now, come on. We do need to get out of here.” Jemma said as she pulled away from you.

As you walked, you learnt that Skye’s new name was Daisy, and that Fitzsimmons had gotten together (Sky – Daisy, now owed you money if you remembered rightly; you’d ask later) which was nice for them; even if you were fine if either or happened, you were happy they were happy.

You got Daisy out of the room and into a new one to regroup yourselves and fully cement the fact that you were with them once again.

You crouched down next to her as you helped her bandage her wrist, “I’m sorry I didn’t look for you hard enough.” She said, guilt taking over her tone completely.

You paused momentarily, meeting her guilty and teary eyes; you gave her a small smile as you then resumed your activity, “I can’t remember much, only bits an pieces. I remember that you owe me money,” Daisy let out a laugh as you move onto the next one, “But, from what I remember, I wouldn’t blame you for what you did. Besides, I’m here now.” You said.

She smiled, before she looked back at the couple behind them. You were right, her siblings wasn’t missing one in the pack they had built; her family was back together.

She had found you in the most unlikely of places; but it didn’t matter, she had had found you. Her search had ended in a good place for once.

She couldn’t be happier to be back with her best-best-best friend.

#daisy johnson x reader #daisy johnson imagine #agents of shield imagine #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d imagine #agents of shield x reader

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anhed-nia · 4 years

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BLOGTOBER PRE-GAME 9/30/2020: 30 MILES FROM NOWHERE/CONFESSIONAL (2019)

Spoiler alert. Or whatever. It’s not going to matter, you don’t care.

So, I've been away for a minute. Just about any reason to be away from Tumblr is probably a good reason, but I have an especially good one. I'm finally working on a "real" writing project, which demands, and deserves, all of my attention. My social media abstinence isn't just a matter of time management, though. Once I had a long term obligation on my plate, I became very aware of how the short term satisfaction I get from posting mindless rants was eating away at the fuel I have available for sustained efforts. When I wind myself up with a 500-1000 word blog post, it generates a lot of electricity, but I blow it all as soon as I experience the catharsis of posting it, and I'm further pacified by ego-stroking likes and reblogs. Not to sound like a sanctimonious luddite--I mean, I'm still here, after all!--but it turns out that the staying focused on the long haul has been surprisingly revivifying. In fact, I haven't been talking about my big fancy project for the same reason; I don't want to lose any of the juice I've been storing up by wasting it on the shallow pleasure of describing it. Also such things should probably be somewhat confidential until they're approaching the publishing stage, but I digress! There is an actual reason I'm saying all this, that has more to do with this blog.

(Don’t get all excited, I’m not doing EVIL ED right now, I just need a relatable image.)

As I got deeper into my experience of "real" film writing, I started to reflect on the meaning of my personal writing. Like, the point of it. I tend to write in a sweaty, compulsive, sadomasochistic haze, in which I'm sometimes hyperbolically generous, and sometimes--perhaps more often, unfortunately--as nasty as humanly possible. Sometimes the movies deserve it, when they're lazy, pretentious, or otherwise demonstrate an open contempt for the audience aka ME. Often, though, I'm just creating an opportunity to vent my generalized rage and frustration. That can be very entertaining for myself and (hopefully) my teensy-but-devoted readership, but lately I've asked myself whether there isn't some negative tradeoff for all this amusement. In this phase of my life, it's reasonable to assume I'll make more and more friends and acquaintances who create things I don't always care for, but I don't necessarily think they deserve to be abused for it. As much as I have a right to say whatever I want, technically, I'd be embarrassed if I were caught just jacking myself off by making fun of their work in public. And more to the point, I don't necessarily want to contribute to the growing atmosphere in which people feel more afraid to try and fail, because the public so commonly misidentifies sarcasm and mean-spiritedness as intelligence and superiority, and that form of petty darkness spreads across the internet a lot faster than a movie can reach a wider audience. After all, I'm in the process of potentially turning myself into one of those well-meaning failures right now. I could stand to be a little more deliberate about how I speak, and about what, in general.

My father is an art critic, and once in an extra petulant moment, teenage-me asked him in an accusative tone what he thought the point of his profession was. He replied calmly that he wouldn't publish any comment that he didn't think the artist could make use of somehow. I don't know if he always stuck to that policy, but the thought sure stuck with me.

So anyway, over the last few months I've been giving myself a bit of an attitude adjustment, through a combination of personal reflection, and hard work on something meaningful/not for the internet. I've been feeling all proud of myself and shit, but today reminded me that any path to enlightenment is always marked by setbacks, doubt, and temptation. For today, in complete innocence (or at least a melange of innocence and ignorance, as I very much invite this type of problem), I managed to watch TWO (2) movies about an academic film-cum-psychology project, focused on a gang of college buddies who inevitably reveal what bad people they are under the unique conditions of the project, and then the project turns out to be run NOT by its presumed-dead originator, but by the originator's even-crazier lover. It's amazing how particular something can be, and still be utterly obvious and cliche. In my defense, I really tried to turn the second movie off, because it was...just instantly terrible, but the seed of suspicion had taken root--is this randomly selected movie ACTUALLY EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE PREVIOUS MOVIE?--and I just had to find out if this could be true. I suffered, deliberately, for another hour and a half, to confirm my awful hunch. I don't know how I would have felt if I had turned out to be wrong (better? worse?), but I don't have to worry about that now. Now I just have to worry about my overpowering impulse to be as ugly as possible about what I have personally subjected myself to.

(The completely deceptive poster for our not at all witchy or eerie opening feature.)

In need of a passable time-waster this afternoon, I put on 30 MILES FROM NOWHERE. Released in March of 2019, Caitlin Koller's claustrophobic black comedy feels oddly like a product of 2020. A group of estranged, middle-aged college pals of the BIG CHILL ilk--which one of the characters calls out, out loud, just so ya know--come together for a fallen comrade's funeral, only to find themselves trapped in his widow's increasingly creepy cabin in the woods. Said comrade was driven to suicide by the failure of a psychological experiment he conducted that plunged its subject into madness, and if you don't realize right away that the obnoxious and unstable cast are the new subjects of their not-quite-dead friend's renewed project, then you're firing a lot slower than 24 frames per second. The dialog is often decent, aiding a handful of funny, natural performances...but it's hard to forget that you're just waiting for the conspicuously crazy widow to reveal that the "unexplained events" in and around the cabin are part of a controlled attempt to get the guests to devolve into their worst selves, which isn't such a difficult task considering the undesirable state they all arrive in.

It just made me ask myself, what was the point of this? Why do people make movies that are entirely predicated on the shock of the twist, knowing that if the twist isn't so shocking--or is baldly obvious from the start--then the whole experience just falls apart? Why not hedge your bets with a little more depth, or purpose, or style, or really anything more reliable than a smug attempt to prove that your script is smarter than your audience? Even if you do manage to pull off this dubious accomplishment, it reduces your movie to something like the experience of having somebody jump out of a closet and scream in your ear to "get" you. I've always felt concerned that if somebody ever tries to "get" me like that, I might just automatically punch them in the face. But anyway, whatever shred of good will this movie could have accrued with its plucky performances is blown away by the final insult, when the cops arrive to clean up the inevitable bloody mess. The responding officers are hilariously unimpressed and unsurprised by the byzantine scheme that has resulted in a shocking act of violence, because the cabin's "guest book", which our heroes all filled out, was actually the signatory page of a complicated waiver form granting full permission to the hosts to, like, do whatever the hell they want to everybody. Presumably this shit just goes on all the time, leading the local law to shrug off anything that happens to or because of the dumbassed lab rats who frequent the cabin? I dunno. I mean, what can I say? ACAB, I guess!

At the time, I managed to resist the urge to take to the internet and decry the crimes of this lame-o party joke. I really don't like the sensation that a movie is just trying to trick me into thinking something that isn't true. But, this isn't, like, an affront to cinema. People make annoying, below average movies all the time, and maybe you kinda have to, if you eventually want to make better movies. I imagine myself in the shoes of the people who actually put some elbow grease into this production, having to wade through the rantings of internet ghouls like myself while they're trying to see how their efforts are paying off. Making a movie is probably a lot harder than I think it is.

But that's part of the point I'm heading toward. I'm always amazed by people's willingness to pour huge amounts of energy and capital into something to which there is ultimately very little point. I mean, I have bad, unoriginal, boring ideas every single day of my life. But I almost never DO any of them. I have a hard enough time convincing myself to just get out of bed in the morning, let alone devote blood, sweat, and money to deliver unto the world material evidence of my personal mediocrity. I can't imagine thinking it would be worth it, for myself or the unfortunate people who are subjected to my project, to actually execute on my bad ideas. I'm being judgmental, but honestly, I don't even know if my attitude makes me better or worse than someone who accomplishes the task of completing and selling a movie that's mainly a waste of time. Movies are so complicated, and realizing them requires the consensus of so many people, that it's sort of incredible that there are people capable of making one that doesn't have a powerfully compelling motivation behind it. People who are able to do such a thing obviously have something that I don't, and it isn't just "consideration for the audience."

So, I could probably stand to be more forgiving--or just, less eager to absolutely flay someone alive on my dumb little blog because they so opened themselves up to my arsenal of elaborate insults. But like...not all the time. Sometimes, a movie really fucking asks for it, and in revealing itself to me, it has effectively signed a waiver giving me patent freedom to do whatever I want to it. CONFESSIONAL is the latest movie to give me such a gift. After the final credit rolled in 30 MILES FROM NOWHERE, I looked for a little palate cleanser. As little as I like movies that put their single egg in the motheaten basket of a "shocking twist", I also have a problem with what I identify as canned theater. Not that I think all movies have to be lavish productions, but I think they should try to do something that is natively cinematic. It's very rare that I'm impressed by anything that is literally all talk. So, I went in search of some more familiar form of trash to help me recallibrate, and trash is definitely what I got.

(Me crying over my own bad decisions.)

To be fair, I kind of should have known that I was in for a challenging experience. The 2019 found footage thriller CONFESSIONAL is more or less based on the "confessional" part of sleazy reality TV shows, isolating each cast member in a soundproof stall so they can spill the rotten contents of their guts. Unfortunately, I spotted a review suggesting that the movie succeeded, against all odds, at remaining visually dynamic despite the unchanging scenery, and I was intrigued. The reviewer was correct, impressively; the monotony of the coffin-like environment with its dark foam walls was the least of my concerns. Other problems superseded that threat, immediately. The plot concerns a group of college pals who come together to remember a recently deceased friend--a filmmaker who expired mysteriously while completing a psychology-tinged project in which she recorded all of her friends' most shameful personal secrets. Now, somebody else has taken over the project...someone who "has never been identified", according to an early title card in this movie-within-a-movie (EVEN THOUGH THIS PERSON WILL BE EXPLICITLY IDENTIFIED AT THE END OF THE MOVIE SO LIKE WHY), but who seems likely to be the decedent's ex-lover...who continues to expose their subjects' most shameful secrets on film. I mean, what the fuck? Did I somehow manage to pick a second movie with almost the exact same plot??? I couldn't believe it. I didn't know if I could take it. My prospects only got worse when the cast showed up and started talking. I tried to turn the movie off. I backed out and walked away from it, twice. But I couldn't leave it alone. I had to know if it was really the same movie.

CONFESSIONAL concerns characters who are contemporaneously in college, which actually goes a long way to making everything worse. Each of these walking cliches is connected in some way to Amelia, a film student whose mysterious death has created a campus scandal, leaving shattered hearts and lives in its wake. The living have each received a blackmail-flavored invitation to speak about the deceased in a tiny "confessional booth" somewhere on campus, where, predictably, they find themselves locked in until they confess whatever they know about Amelia, and their classmates. I don't know why practically every single movie about young people has to be so miserable, but this is one of those. I assume that it has something to do with the fact that youth is simultaneously so desired and so ignored. People in their teens and early 20s are so sexually coveted, yet so easily dismissed as individuals, that we wind up with all this media that panders to them relentlessly (or at least, panders to the legions of ticket-buying perverts who enjoy watching them prance around), without almost any consideration of how they actually think and act, and look. Movies like FAT GIRL and WELCOME TO THE DOLL HOUSE may be accused of their own form of pandering, a venal form of voyeuristic schadenfreude, but at least they reflect something of the awkwardness, isolation, and incompleteness of adolescence; something more than the dissociated, pornographic fantasies of adults who have long since forgotten what it was like to be powerless and ignored, or desired by people who don't even like you.

Not that CONFESSIONAL is supposed to be a work of grim realism, but it is most definitely rooted in a fantasy about college life that makes its contrived, message-y plot a lot harder to take. With almost the sole exception of "the nerdy one", every single character looks like a Bratz doll, oozing an exaggerated indecency that belies the movie's pretentious insistence on addressing the sex & gender Issues of the Day. What you get is a really good example of what happens when millennial characters are modeled, not on any actual millennials, but on other forms of marketing that are aimed at millennials, which are themselves just based on other preexisting youth-targeted commercials, et al ad nauseam. Even setting aside the deliriously slutty wardrobe choices, makeup appears to have been laid on with a trowel, coating each actor in a thick creamy layer of spackle that only makes any scars, pits, or other evidence of individuality look utterly bizarre. Accordingly, everybody preens, pouts, and generally behaves as if they're about to take off their clothes, which might be a huge relief given the profusion of chafing, cheapo mesh and straps they're laboring under.

So, ok, not every movie can have a great costume department, but the dialog here is a perfect match for the disastrous aesthetic decisions. Actually, this is the real reason I almost walked out on CONFESSIONAL. If I may ramble briefly, without substantiating any of my broad-ranging claims: Sometime in the late 90s/early 00s, horror cinema seemed to suffer a degenerative slide away from genuine thrills and chills, and into a version of the genre that is best characterized as the Slutty Halloween Costume approach. Any sense of existential dread, revulsion, or bodily vulnerability was widely replaced by a cutesy, Hot Topic-y preference for fast fashion and sex appeal, in which bloodshed more facilitated an informal wet teeshirt contest than any real fear induction. Horror's new mall goth look came with an equally shallow, boring verbal affectation: a sullen, sleazy, tooth-sucking sarcasm, that ushered in a new era in which, instead of making fun of the scummy coked-out dialog in porno movies, we now expect everybody to just talk like that, because it's hot. There's probably a line to be drawn between this unfortunate development, and the boneheaded real-world trend of identifying "sarcasm" as an important personal selling point on dating sites, but I won't try to prove that here. For now, I will just say that as soon as I heard the CONFESSIONAL characters start to speak, with their sneering, insinuating tones, with the vocal fry, with the head wagging, the jutting jaws, the smoldering gazes, the juvenile dragging-out of horny grownup words like de-bauch-er-y...I almost lost my nerve. Listening to these little creeps hissing and spitting for 84 minutes is a lot like being hit on by some barfly who continues to bludgeon you with his hot breath and corny lines without ever noticing that you've thrown up into your pint.

Uh, anyway. So what actually happens in the movie. Why would anyone ever allow someone to record video of them revealing the ugliest, most embarrassing parts of themselves? Especially a kid, for whom popularity and reputation are often a matter of life or death--literally and specifically, in the case of this story. The flimsy reason is that the late filmmaker, Amelia, was the most awesomest girl ever. Everybody loved her, because she was so sweet, and so smart, and so cool, and so nice, and so deep, and so original, and so talented, and so sexy, and just like, the bestest most perfectest girl in the whole wide world. N.B. "The greatest of all time" is, perhaps counter-intuitively, a really bad quality that makes for really shitty, boring characters. For better or worse, Amelia is rarely on screen (and when she is, she's no Laura Palmer, frankly), so it's up to the viewer to just sort of imagine a type of person who could make you act against your best interests on account of you just like them so much. After all, so many of the characters were obsessed with her in some way, that it's like they're here to help you clap your hands and believe in this seductive, compelling part of the movie, that just isn't actually there on the screen. The anonymous antihero behind the confessional booth scheme slowly extracts from each character the selfish, destructive behavior that in some way contributed to the tragic loss of the most amazing person of all time--and part of the result is, if not a very interesting excuse for Amelia's death, then a story so wacky that I really wish they had centered the movie on it, instead of on the tawdry soap opera we're locked into. Even if that imaginary movie had been really bad, and it probably would have been, at it would at least have been entertaining.

Part of what leads up to the death of Amelia is the existence of a secret school fight club, led by a stereotypically sleazy gender studies major, named Major, who is out to prove men's inherent superiority. The club is called CFB, or Cock Fights Back, which is somehow a garbled pun relating to cock fights, and Trump's famous line of "locker room talk": "grab'em by the pussy" > "pussy grabs back" > "cock fights back". CFB is different from your ordinary fight club in that the fights are always between girls and boys, and the boys are always blindfolded, in order to prove that a fully-abled female is no match for even a handicapped male. To complicate things, a new designer amphetamine is gaining popularity on campus, called "odds-on", meaning that it makes you the odds-on favorite in your CFB fight. As awkward as that is, it also seems that men are never the guaranteed winners of these fights, which makes you wonder why Major insists on continuing to host them. As much as I would have preferred to watch a stupid movie about this stupid idea, I'm stuck instead with a movie in which Major is such an aggressive MRA because he's secretly gay, and he thinks that hating women is a great way to hide that...as if that isn't what we all openly suspect about aggro MRAs. Secret gayness is a big part of this movie, involving multiple characters, although it amounts to very little other than the perpetuation of some stale, harmful cliches about how unfulfilled homosexual urges lead to suicide, sexual abuse, and murder. CONFESSIONAL is just as reliant on this grim vision of gay life, as it is on its weirdly obtuse discussion of drug addiction, for the suffocating sense of self-importance that it uses to try to elevate itself above its porn-y trappings. None of the movie's hot button issues are given any real thought, but are only dragged through the mud to create the illusion that there's a point to all this, thus relieving the film of any sense of innocence that could have made its condescending sleaziness forgivable.

Admittedly, I can't really remember all the details of the film's tortured intrigue anymore, even though I basically just saw it. A lot of its meandering revelations just left me thinking, "Why did I need to know that? Why should I care?" I do know that about half way through this ordeal, I became really anxious about whether it would turn out that CONFESSIONAL did NOT have exactly the same plot as 30 MILES FROM NOWHERE after all, and I put myself through all this for nothing. But no, I was right to begin with. The wonderful Amelia's ethically dubious film project has been picked up by the unhinged lesbian character who loved her so much she wanted to become her, and killing Amelia and usurping her confessional project was apparently the best way of doing that. I guess exposing all the dark, violent secrets of all these tangentially involved characters was just an added bonus, or whatever. Ultimately, this ugly, ignorant PSA about something-or-other only deals itself further damage by relying so heavily on the potential of its clumsy twist to blow your mind, which it does not at all.

So that was it, that's how I burned a whole afternoon allowing my mind to implode-not-explode under the ponderous force of TWO (2) movies about exactly the same exhausted cliche that is still being peddled by certain pretentious assholes as fresh and exciting, and beyond the capacity of the audience to anticipate. There's probably a whole slew of other movies that employ this overly familiar "surprise", but I don't have it in me to dig them out of my long-suffering brain. Feel free to contribute in the comments. For now, I must prepare myself for the ordeal of Blogtober, during which I will *hopefully* choose my screening selections and words more thoughtfully than I have in previous years, when this blog was motivated by just as much abject misanthropy as these movies, which do nothing but willfully insult the audience's intelligence. Maybe today's detour into degradation will help me go forth toward more additive experiences, having purged several lungfuls of meaningless venom from my system, and this season will bring with it more interesting, provocative posts than the last. Or maybe not! In any case, I promise to keep trying my hardest to make it funny.

PS I actually love both FAT GIRL and WELCOME TO THE DOLLHOUSE. I’m “just saying”.

#blogtober #2020 #confessional #2019 #30 miles from nowhere #horror #thriller #black comedy #found footage #brad t gottfred #jennifer wolfe #jennifer bosworth #caitlin koller

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beebrainedstudios · 3 years

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ADSOM Headcanon Voices

At least for the villains/antagonists anyway (Holland’s here too), since I’m still figuring out how I think everyone else sounds. BTW, we’re ignoring accents here because someone (AKA myself) is horrible at recognizing them; this would mostly be about tone, enunciation, and whatnot. I’ve included some examples and explanations for anyone who’s curious about my reasoning too for fun. If anyone has any of their own headcanon voices to share, please do! I’d love to hear them! I’m also including descriptions for each link for those who don’t have time to listen or who don’t want to be spoiled for the mentioned shows. Enjoy!

Athos- Either Jonathan Young or Dan Stevens. Examples:

https://youtu.be/B6AlxZeTKpY (It’s a cover of Yzma’s song, a removed part of the Emperor’s New Groove soundtrack. I recommend listening to both the beginning verses and the final chorus-chant to get a full feel of the range in energy).

Jonathan Young: My take on Athos is both extremely energetic and extremely dramatic, so of course my first pick would be something based on a Disney villain song! Any one of Jonathan Young’s Disney covers would work here, but this one is the most fitting. There’s just something about the way Young jumps around in speed and almost seems to be growling some of the lines. His tone has both playfulness and roughness in it that suits Athos well; also, he’s absolutely the type to sing a villain song.

https://youtu.be/TZpG7i6H_LA (It’s a clip from the first season of Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, specifically one focusing on the first season’s villain, Scarlemagne. If you watch the whole clip you can see an example of both excited Athos and calm Athos. The clip also features an example of his laugh and general musical ability. I’m sure some of his lines as Matthew Crawley from Downton Abbey would work too, but this is the first example that comes to mind.)

Dan Stevens: Stevens’ voice also does a really good job of summarizing the manic energy that I attribute to Athos, plus there’s a villainous laugh in there that sounds exactly like a hyena cackling- which fits the White King. This is also a good example of both how Athos plays the piano and when- he’s absolutely the type to throw fake parties for his own amusement. The way he gets so excited and gives out the orders to speed up while also getting more heightened- it just works for Athos, I don’t know how else to describe it.

Astrid- Cate Blanchett

https://youtu.be/Qi1fR98vFME (It’s a clip from Netflix’s Mowgli movie, specifically the scene where Mowgli meets Kaa. The most accurate lines to me are at roughly 0:50, 1:00 and 1:50.)

Astrid in almost every way is more difficult to figure out than Athos, but I really like this voice for her: it’s husky but sophisticated, deep but rich. The way Blanchett speaks so smoothly and so menacingly while hardly raising her voice seems very Astrid, as does the way she sounds so detached from everything. Astrid doesn’t need to emote much in her voice since I hardly think she emotes at all, but the undercurrent of interest and intensity she has is still present here. Or maybe it’s just the fact a giant snake’s talking, who knows?

Holland- Steve Blanchard

https://youtu.be/dvm18AHMeYM

https://youtu.be/8gVA0UN1Q3M

(Both of these are songs from the Frankenstein Musical- the former is The Waking Nightmare and the latter is These Hands. Waking Nightmare is a good example of the lower range of Holland’s voice, such as when he’s angry, while These Hands is a good example of his higher range, such as when he’s excited or anguished. Either one works and both are fantastic, I highly recommend just listening to the songs anyway due to how gripping they are.)

Its obvious (at least to me) why this voice reminds me of Holland- there’s so much raw emotion in the way Blanchard sings/speaks his lines as Frankenstein’s monster. To me, Holland seems like a character who would monologue or even sing like this, trying to vent his frustration at just how crummy life is to him; there’s no reason he can’t be very talented at doing so. At different points I imagine Holland’s voice as either high or low, so whatever voice I attributed to him needed to have the range to switch between the two, and it also needed at least a bit of roughness since Holland’s voice is described in canon to be gravelly. Blanchett doesn’t disappoint in either regard.

Osaron- Multiple (It changes depending on his state. Not all of these answers are human; as such, this section’s structured a little different.)

https://youtu.be/E7WQ1tdxSqI (This is a clip from 2001: A Space Odyssey, where the Hal AI is deactivated. The latter half of the clip is when the AI begins to sing- this is the part that sounds like Osaron to me.)

I’ve never seen this movie, but I know this scene. The AI that sings in the clip is voiced by Douglas Rain, and it encapsulates what I imagine Osaron sounded like when Holland first found him in Black London. Like in the clip, his voice lagged and swooped in pitch due to his exhausted state, with some grammatical errors occurring as Osaron was still actively trying to remember Holland’s language. Fun fact, this song was the first one sung solely by a computer (not in this movie specifically though), so it has even more of an Osaron vibe to it.

https://youtu.be/9altRF7LWgE (It’s a compilation of Aaravos clips from the Dragon Prince cartoon.)

Besides the fact that all of the quotes themselves fit Osaron, the pitch and general sneakiness of Aaravos’ voice match exactly what I imagine Osaron to sound like at full strength. The voice actor here is Erik Dellums, and he does a really good job hamming up the whole “trust me even if you know it’s a bad idea” vibe. The only thing that isn’t 100% exact is that I imagine Osaron speaks a little quicker than this sometimes; he’s described as practically burning with pent-up energy, so some of that would likely be reflected in his speech.

https://youtu.be/ZhlZ-cPO0Xw (It’s the Prowler’s Theme from Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse.)

Now for a fun (if a little strange) one! If you listen to this instrumental, there are these electronic “roaring” sounds (heard most clearly at 0:38, 0:51, and 0:57). These are actually distorted elephant sounds used to help the track seem more intense (which they do, especially as the music progresses), but they also sound a lot like what I imagine Osaron sounds like in his natural state. Oshoc don’t really use a verbal language to communicate on their own (as stated above, Osaron canonly has to use magic to translate spoken language; even if Black London had the Vitari language, Osaron likely didn’t need to know it if he was magic to begin with), but they do still make noise, mainly in the form of distorted thrumming hums of magic. It’s kind of like the infrasound that many animals and even dinosaurs used to communicate. Holland probably heard faint sounds like these as he was approaching Osaron’s throne for the first time, and in the final battle when Osaron’s control starts to slip, he probably starts “humming” to let off some steam.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed this weird little list of voices!

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sleepy-kiddo · 3 years

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Just responding to the tags on your vent because reblogging vents makes me feel bad, but I have to remind myself that these goals aren't set to harm me, and if I can't reach all of them that's okay. I remind myself that this is an "eventually" and not a "right now". I don't know anything about your experiences, but I know looking at some of your goals I kind of went "Oh no way I could do that" and if you're feeling like one or multiple are unachievable it's important to communicate that. Make it clear that this isn't just insecurity, you genuinely don't believe you'll be able to do that. If your therapist is pressuring you to get this all done as a "right now" and not an "eventually" it may be time to take a step back and consider if they are a good fit, and truly have your best interests at heart-not just an agenda to make you come off as nuerotypical. Again, it depends on your goals personally and your experiences with them. They may not be doing that at all! They may be a great fit! But, no one on here can tell you that. If you aren't sure, talk to someone you trust about it. Find your limits and boundaries, and communicate them as openly as you can. If they're met with abrasion and callous responses, it may be time to find a new therapist who will work with you. I know this sounds like me hating on your therapist-but that's 100% because of personal bias' and negative personal experiences. I'm predisposed to read certain things as red flags, but I don't know your situation and I've done my best to keep this unbiased for you. Hopefully something in here is helpful, and you don't have to answer this at all. But you can if you want to. Just deleting it is totally valid though.

I really appreciate this message, thank you! Its hard reminding myself of anything positive when I'm so burnt out. Its all self frustrations really: I'm frustrated that I'm this way, that I need therapy and medication, and need to take baby steps to function on basic adult levels when I'm already almost 25 yrs old. I keep reminding myself that its okay to need extra help and to take extra time, but any time I have an issue I get really discouraged and feel like that no matter how hard I try to change and remind myself, I keep messing up just the same. Like I've been in and out of therapy since I was in 5th grade and I've been on so many medications that barely worked...

My therapist, thankfully, isn't saying my homework has to all be done by the next time we meet in a few weeks - but she wants me to start thinking of applying my homework, maybe trying it and sticking to it so see if I notice a change. But really she wants me to get into seeing a psychiatrist first so I can go back on medication, since medications usually take at least a month to begin seeing any changes.

I'm just more overwhelmed by the fact that I know I have to eventually do these things otherwise I'll end up with worse agoraphobia than I currently have and I'll lose bubby too cause he's burn out completely along with me.

I like my therapist more than any other I've ever had tbh. She really listens to me, remembers what we last talked about, suggests books and activities to help me, and tries to figure out the best route of action with my current situations, but the only option is really just to go through what makes me uncomfortable and to keep doing it until maybe its less uncomfortable.

I expected therapy to be difficult as she is a cbt/dbt therapist and I knew what I would be getting into, but gosh I just don't know how one copes with the anxiety and frustrations during the process of it all.

I feel selfish on top of it all too. Like I'm so uncomfortable and anxious that I don't want to try, but if I don't try that would not only affect me, but also bubby cause he has to deal with all of this too on top of his own issues. So I owe it to him at least to try my best, its just a terrifying process and I'm mad at myself for being terrified and for not being better by now..

I mainly needed to vent cause idk I feel like my feelings about everything aren't valid, I keep questioning myself: "Why do I still let these things bother me?" "Why don't I just try harder?" "Why does this make me so anxious?" "Why can't I just do this thing?" "Am I selfish?" "Am I toxic?" "Am I a lost cause?" "Am I being over dramatic?" "Am I a burden?" "Should I bother?" "What if I don't change?" "If so many others can do this so easily, why is it so hard for me?"

But yeah sorry for the big message myself, I do really appreciate you messaging me. I gotta stick to reminding myself that all I can do is try and if something doesn't work there may be other ways to try things.

#long post #notagere #negativity tw #really thank you

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theincompetentgenius · 4 years

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hi! can I get a matchup for mlqc, ikerev and dfel? Virgo, intp, 9, and very evenly divided between all four houses for Hogwarts. i’m 5’1.75" with curly hair just past chin length dyed in a gradient from my natural ginger to Ruby to amethyst to sapphire hair and eyes that change colors under different lighting. Very petite and pale, freckled.

i’m a performing introvert, so while I can come off as an extravert in reality I’m deeply introverted. I make friends easily, especially with animals (which I love dearly!). I’m very stubborn and persistent when it comes to those I care about, but otherwise am very open and free flowing, following the wind and my intuition. Love to learn, seeks understanding, empathetic, and analytical.

I’m a creative writing and Eastern Asian studies double major with minors in literature and music performance. I love stories, reading and writing them, and creating all kinds of art whether it be on the 12+ instruments I play, singing, or visual arts. I’m a varsity fencer, my main weapon of choice being foil. I’m incredibly hard to offend or bother. I love adventures and exploring new things – especially when it comes to food and art and stories. I love soft things and pillows.

Often described as passionate, enthusiastic, talkative, and dramatic, I actually am very anxious and can be incredibly reserved in private, often closing off lots of personal information and only disclosing it to those closest to me when absolutely necessary. Due to suffering from chronic nightmares, anxiety, depression, and PTSD I often underneath the energetic exterior exhausted and dealing with extreme difficulty keeping it up. Gifted kid burnout, and heavy imposter syndrome. Comes from a successful family with 6 older siblings and as such has developed a strong desire for independence while constantly fearing hurting others or being forgotten or left behind.

Thank you so much and I hope I didn’t add too much!!!

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No problem! In fact, more information helps me pick a match for you. Anywho, I hope you enjoy the matchup!

MLQC

I’d pair you with……….. Victor!

Honestly, Victor seems like the strongest match for you and it’s pretty clear in your description why the two of you would work. However, I feel like Kiro would also be a great option for you since he’s literally a ball of sunshine who’d be able to cheer you up within minutes. If it’s the rare occasion that he can’t, you can at least expect Kiro to be right by your side when trouble occurs. He’d be able to slow down for you without putting too much pressure.

However, Victor is the clear winner here. Although you’re an introvert, you are able to put yourself out of your comfort zone– which helps you interact with Victor at his colder states. It’s even better that you make friends quickly, helping you get closer to the CEO. While he finds the small talk useless, Victor appreciates that you’re trying to get close to him (because no one else wants to take the time to get to know him).

He also finds your passion for art and music very interesting. Although he’s not a music nerd, Victor understands the difficulty in playing 12+ instruments and commends you for your talent. From time to time, he’ll ask you to play certain instruments for him– even classical songs that you’ve memorized and he enjoys listening to.

Victor also likes to push you to your full potential. He notices that you often feel like a waste of talent, but that’s not what he sees. Although he’s not verbal about his support, Victor is willing to help you do your very best in all your goals and assignments.

He also appreciates the fact that you’re empathetic towards his feelings while being analytical about other things. The duality is important and impressive to him because he needs someone who knows how to control their feelings (especially because he’s not in tune with his own emotions).

The only bump in this relationship would be the independence issue, but that’s ok because it would help the two of you strengthen the relationship in the long run. Although Victor is hesitant about leaving you on your own a lot, you prove to him that you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. As time goes by, he trusts your abilities more and finds your independence helpful in certain situations,

Another Possibility: Kiro

Ikemen Revolution

I’d pair you with……… Blanc Lapin!

Again, it seemed pretty clear to me that Blanc would be the winner, but Sirius wasn’t far off. The Queen of Spades is motherly, so he’d be able to attend to your emotional needs (especially if you’re feeling really bad). Also, it would be super cute to see you constantly trying to care for Sirius (because the poor man needs a break) as he tries to assure that he’s fine. But you’re too stubborn to listen and he’s secretly glad that you like to look after him.

However, I couldn’t pass the opportunity to match you with my favorite bunny man! You don’t have to worry too much about getting close because Blanc naturally does that for you. As he shows you around the Cradle, you don’t feel worried or uncomfortable. The two of you chat during your entire tour. You gobble all of Blanc’s fun facts and basics of the Cradle within minutes. He’s impressed with your memory and finds it endearing that you actually pay attention to his ramblings.

As a history person, you’d probably make connections between the Cradle and our world (especially East Asia). Although Blanc knows a few things about our world, he doesn't have extensive knowledge like you, so he’s always intrigued by whatever connections you make. He begins to ask you for more in-depth questions about East Asian history, and the two of you talk for hours. Blanc feels like he’s finally found someone who appreciates his interests with the constant discussions about the histories of the two worlds.

Blanc loves taking you for sight-seeing! Whenever he’s going somewhere that isn’t dangerous, he’ll always ask you whether you want to join him. If you’re down, then the two of you go around and make new memories. Every trip is an adventure and Blanc always gets you a plushie or something cute as a souvenir. It’s both bonding and exploring time!

While some consider Blanc’s smooth-talking as a bad thing, it also means that he knows how to comfort you when you’re feeling down or insecure. Although he doesn’t always have time to help you, the record-keeper knows exactly how to calm your nerves in a short amount of time. Even if he’s on a really tight schedule, Blanc always spares a few minutes to make sure that you’re alright.

Another Possibility: Sirius Oswald

Dangerous Fellows

I’d pair you with……….. Harry!

Not going to lie, my first choice for you is Lawrence (but no one likes his psycho, murdering ass). I could’ve written headcanons for you and pretend like he wasn’t insane, but that would ruin his character. Also, it’s not fun being paired with a killer, so I went with Harry instead! However, I do feel like you and Lawrence would do a great job at leading the team and ultimately form a deeper bond.

But enough of Lawrence, let’s get to Harry. Now Harry is definitely going to approach you first (mainly out of courtesy). He understands that it is difficult to adjust to their group, so he’ll be checking up on you quite often. Besides, he’s the only nice one so you feel more inclined to talk to him out of everyone else in the group.

Although simple talk can be hard (since there’s not much to talk about during a zombie apocalypse), the two of you manage. You talk about your passion for writing, which Harry finds really cool. He inspires you to write a story about the gang, where everyone manages to escape without any casualties. It’s hard to combat your writer’s block, but Harry’s enthusiasm inspires you to get a strong start. Soon, this writing becomes your way of coping.

You’re able to use your fencing skills for a foundation for zombie combat. Harry is surprised and amazed that you have a strong athletic background, so he starts taking combat lessons from you. At first they’re strictly combat, but the lessons ultimately give you two more time alone for bonding. When the two of you become official, there’s more kissing than combat.

Both of you have crying sessions together. Since Harry bottles up all his troubles, he doesn’t have any other opportunity to vent his frustrations. While it may seem sad as the two of you cry and hold each other, it’s also comforting to know that neither of you is alone. If either one of you is having an episode, the other is always ready for emotional and physical support.

Another Possibility: Lawrence

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kattimariias · 5 years

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jasmine flowers

so yknow what snorkmaiden deserves? a gf. i made her one! enjoy a fic about pining.

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Dear Diary,

Today I found someplace new during my travels. It felt like a different experience than what I've seen so far, most of it's residents didn't feel as-how should I put it-rude? They didn't feel like they were judging me for being a bit distant, infact they respected it. I think I'm thankful for that.

The weather was warmer, so I didn't get much practice with my powers. But I could at least admire the scenery for once, which was okay and all-I prefer the winter, obviously. There was something comfortable about my surroundings; the soft green grass, the light beaming towards a field of flowers, and the rivers that quaintly flowed.

Something about that flower field attracted me. I didn't get to see a varied amount of plantlife often, usually being in colder areas and all, so this was almost a new thing to me. Well-more like a revisit of sorts.

I happened to pick a flower with someone else by complete accident. A round troll like creature she was, with hazel eyes and a blonde fringe. Her fur was fluffy and yellowish, and I was stuck looking at her for several minutes; my paw practically stuck on hers and the flower.

We broke our trance and awkwardly apologized, neither of us seemed to know why that happened. I think it's because I personally have never seen anyone like her. She just looked so nice and friendly, like she would never harm me. And I think I'm right in thinking that, because she never did.

She introduced me to this land, told me it was called Moominvalley, and showed me some of it's famous landmarks and her friends. Throughout it all, I couldn't help but be entranced by her cheerfulness. I mainly feel don't feel in place whenever I'm around people that are definitely more spirited in me, but something about her felt...different. Gentle and sweet, and a little bit firey.

I don't know, it was weird. And I want to see more of it, so maybe the next day will bring something new. I think I'll stay here longer than intended. ~ Vietal

Dear Diary,

It's been awhile. It isn't even travel related, but I needed to write this down. It's been a month since I've decided to reside in Moominvalley for awhile, and that likely won't change. I'm not giving up on traveling, that's for sure, but this feels like a main source of comfort. Maybe it's home? I don't think I even know what that truly is.

Anyways, something I SOMEHOW forgot to write last time was the girl's name. Curse my mind sometimes-it's Snorkmaiden. Writing that down feels nice, it's a pretty name.

But she's why I have to talk about something so off topic. I have spent sometime with her during my stay here, whether that'd be relaxing in the forest, going on little adventures, and flower picking. She made me a flower crown to wear on my hat, and I definitely wear it on occasion. Sunflowers aren't exactly my thing, but I'd do it for her.

I don't know why though-with anyone else, I wouldn't be sure what to do with a gift like that. They put so much work into it, they should keep it! Yet this time I want to keep it with me, even when I leave? Do I even want to leave?

...Okay, maybe I'm rushing this too much. Point is, I think I really like her. I like mostly everyone here, but she seems to be a special case. Even when I go to sleep in my little tent, my thoughts rush towards our conversations. Her (barely visibly, but still) smile, her laughs, her hums, her attention to detail when making things for me. And for me only.

I really love that sort of attention. I think I'll write a letter to thank her.

~ Vietal - Dear Diary,

I won't fill this journal with updates about my weird feelings towards Snorkmaiden, I promise. It's just a huge focus for me at the moment.

Today we held paws. By accident, of course. We were just relaxing by the river, laying under the trees shade together. I've never sat so close to someone before in my life, usually I wouldn't let myself. But of course, things have changed ever since I've been in this valley. Still don't want to leave, I'm not radically different.

Anyways-we were so close, I could feel a bit of her fur brush up on me, and while I couldn't exactly feel it due to wearing long clothing, I felt the urge to touch it. Pet it. Feel it sink into my paws and softly breeze through, taking out a few stray hairs-

-no, no, that's weird. I knew I shouldn't do that. So I just forgot about it, but I had already raised my left paw due to the strong urge. And when I placed it down on the ground, I felt hers. Hers on mine.

And for some reason, I blushed. Heavily. I had to use my hat to hide my face just to hide it, but my tail started to thump. And I could already tell she was looking at me weirdly, wondering why I was suddenly acting so strange, until she noticed what was happening. I felt so screwed in that moment and I didn't even know why-I wanted to let go but I couldn't-and then-

-nothing happened much, really. She asked if I enjoyed it, but I didn't know how to respond. But in that sweet voice of hers, sugarlike to me, she asked if I was okay. I still had no idea what to say, other than look at her completely embarrassed.

She told me there wasn't any issue in holding hands. Even if it was considered a romantic gesture, friends could still do it. Close friends usually did, infact. Friends. We were friends. Close friends. I rarely had friends for very long.

This time I hope it sticks.

~ Vietal (and yes, she got the letter, and sent me one in reply. It's one of the few things I think I'll keep with me.)

Dear Diary, Things keep getting weirder. Much weirder.

So I do have more friends than Snorkmaiden, though they aren't as close. One of them is Moomintroll, who I think is in a relationship with her. And that seems to be a problem?

I don't know why, but everytime I see her leaning so close to him, I wish that were me instead. We already keep holding hands with each other while on nature walks, is that not enough? That in itself almost sent me into panic!

She talks about him sometimes while we're together. About how kind and brave he is, and how much he loves him. I sit and listen and don't say much, but there's so much I want to say in return. That maybe I could do they same things he does? I mean, yes, maybe. But why would I want to? Just to impress her?

She's my best friend, I don't need to make impressions.

But I still want to. That's why I climbed ontop of a large mountain a day after, spending most of my time just doing that. I wanted to tell her about this, just so she could hear about it, and be amazed by my efforts. She held both of my hands with that smile of hers, wonder in her eyes. I wanna do it again and again just to see that.

It feels too selfish, though. So I won't.

Sometimes, she rants to me, feeling like Moomintroll's mind just wanders elsewhere when the time is supposed to focus on both of them. Her ears are down, frustration is in greatly in her voice, and she seems kinda lost. Perhaps like I am.

I don't know how to comfort, but I try my hardest during these times. It feels like a part of me breaks whenever she is upset, and that I would wither away if I continued to see her heartbroken.

Of course, I don't say anything, but instead I give her hugs and feel that fur I deep down wanted to feel more of, but that didn't matter then. It sort of matters now, still.

Somedays we don't spend time with each other, and that's fine. But I can't help but feel odd seeing her do our usual thing, walk around the woods holding hands, with him instead of me. It also shouldn't matter, but it does.

And I hate it. I don't want her to have to constantly pay attention to me, she has a life outside of our friendship! But why do I just wanna do the things they do all the time? Why do I want what Moomintroll has so much when what I have is already good?

Maybe this valley is doing something to me.

~ Vietal -

Dear Diary, It's been a long while, again. I just didn't have the strength to write about things. I've taken a break from Moominvalley, and it's probably for the best. I'm not used to interacting with people a lot, and plus, my feelings towards my own friend was getting weird.

If I stay away from her for awhile, then perhaps those feelings will go away.

~ Vietal - Dear Diary, I'm still in the woods, it's a bit of a long trek.

But I had a dream that shows I just can't get over her. I was in one of Moominvalley's flower fields, similar to the one where I met Snorkmaiden. She was there, as beautiful as ever, and it seems like she was glowing as brightly as the sun.

I ran towards her, but it seemed like I couldn't get to her. The field just kept stretching further and further-even if I was close-she was far from my sight again. But I was determined to get to her, even saying this to myself, and I sprinted full force while outright screaming her name.

I reached a hand towards her, and she reached a hand towards me. But then I was gone, and Moomintroll was there instead.

I woke up, repeatedly saying her name.

Something is wrong with me.

~ Vietal -

Dear Diary, I don't even think this is for travel anymore. I've gotten a separate journal for that, this is just filled with a little bit too much emotional venting right now. I'm still far away from the valley, now in the colder areas I'm used to. But I feel so alone.

The solitude feels familiar, yet it's what I would rather not have at the moment. I miss waking up and hearing the birds sing, the sense of Moominmama's cooking not too far away, and Snufkin's music on occasion. And of course, even if I act so strange towards her, I miss Snorkmaiden.

It feels like a part of me is missing, even though I wasn't in Moominvalley for extremely long. I guess that's what I get for staying there for an extended amount of time in the first place? I think I should go back.

Hopefully, they won't be angry about my abrupt absence.

~ Vital

Dear Diary, After a long journey, I've finally returned, just in time for spring. And what a reunion, it was.

No one was mad at me, thankfully, they were a little concerned about why I left so abruptly, but they presumed it was just because of my nature as a Mumrik. I never explained why I actually left, just went with their assumptions, since I didn't want anyone to know about my weird feelings.

I was a bit hesitant to spend time with Snorkmaiden again, but my mind instantly changed when I heard her outright crying. Our conversations never really delved into that point, but it definitely crushed me. I couldn't bear to hear it upon arriving at her home.

I thought it was my fault, because I just decided to leave her with no explanation. And that just made me feel worse, almost on the verge of tears myself. How could I just do that, and not even think about how she felt about me just up and going? I was so stupid. So shortsighted and stupid-

-it wasn't even about me. She reassured me about that fact more than one time. She was really worried when I left, of course, but she understood that sometimes I just needed to be alone, and explore the world. Understandably so, she was still a bit angry that I didn't say goodbye first, but the fact that she didn't hate me relieved a bit of tension on my end.

Not entirely. The true reason why she was upset is because of Moomintroll being so focused on Snufkin returning, to the point where he didn't really care about what she had to say. She was wondering whether if he actually loved her or not, and my heart was cracked again.

I couldn't tell her if he did or not, I didn't know much about romantic love and how it worked, but for once I spoke. I told her that this time, I would stay. I would continue to be with her, and make sure she's happy. If I got the chance, I'd ask him about why he acted like that, hopefully getting an answer.

I wanted to help her smile again.

I comforted her closer this time, she snuggled close to me and I could feel her fur the way I always wanted to. But that didn't matter, as I closed my eyes and rubbed her back. I could hear her whimpers slow to a crawl, as we just laid there on the bed. Softly gripping onto each other. Cuddling.

It was silent, but a good silent.

~ Vietal

- Dear Diary, It took a bit, but I managed to ask Moomintroll about what happened with Snorkmaiden. He told me that sometimes-he just gets really fixated on Snufkin when waiting for him-and pushes people away, probably a bit too harshly? He doesn't intend to.

The two made up, thankfully, and things went back to normal. Least my idea of normal at this point, which was being weirdly jealous.

Something I thought about is that Snorkmaiden was also a bit fixated on waiting for me. Moomintroll also told me that on the first few days of me being gone, she would look outside her window and await my arrival, while also taking some breaks. She hoped that I would come back soon, up until realizing that I needed some space and that it would take awhile.

So-was it a best friend thing? For us to fixate so heavily on those we were bonded with on a close level? Moomintroll did it, Snorkmaiden did it, I feel like I could do it. I know that Snorks and Moomins hibernate, and since I'll stay this winter, I know I'll wait each passing day for everyone to wake up. But it's still a special case for Snorkmaiden.

I think about her a lot. I dream about her sometimes. I even talk about her to some of my other friends, and I don't think I want to stop. Moominmama and Little My always give me some weird look whenever I do too, and I don't understand it.

Is it annoying? Entertaining? Is there something I'm missing? Why do I love her so much?

...

Oh. -

Dear Diary, Couldn't finish the last one properly. I think I understand things now. From myself, to Moomintroll and Snufkin, to why I keep getting those weird faces. I think...I might feel romantic love towards Snorkmaiden. I think that's why I feel excited when I see her, why I like to hold hands with her, why I like talking and doing anything with her, why I want to be with her forever, and why I want to be like Moomintroll.

I really, really love her. Love her more than the winter, than travels-well-I still love those, but my love for her is something I can't get over. She's so lovely herself, knowing so much about romance, I bet she could really surprise me sometimes.

Am I gonna need a separate diary for this? Goodness.

~ Vietal

- Dear Diary, I'm not sure if I can just tell her. I don't even think she feels the same way, since she's with Moomintroll. But it doesn't matter, as long as she can still smile and stay happy with someone she loves.

I'll just have to learn how to deal with this.

On another note, she gave me some flowers today. One of which usually grows during the winter, she says it's a winter jasmine. I don't know what it is, but something about it felt special to me. Maybe it's because she said that one of it's meanings is love?

But she likely meant platonic love. I highly doubt she likes me back, she's still relatively close to Moomintroll. Actually, that reminds me...does he even like her? Romantically?

Whenever I see them walk together, on occasion, he looks a bit uncomfortable. His smiles look a bit forced, he looks a little distracted, and some of his subtle movements seem bothered whenever they come close to each other.

I've seen him more comfortable with Snufkin, whenever I do see them hanging out anyways. Should I do something about this?

...I don't really know how to handle it though, probably not.

~ Vietal

Dear Diary, Well, again, been awhile. It's just been the usual, with a bit more understanding towards my feelings. I've been a bit blue sometimes, but Snorkmaiden's presence just automatically makes things better for me. It's strange how love works.

Well, this doesn't have to do with smiles, unfortunately. Somewhat. Turns out I was right about Moomintroll's feelings, and he was starting to force romantic attraction to Snorkmaiden. Their love was geniune at first, it seems? But eventually, it dwindled. It happens.

I hope it doesn't happen to me.

Snorkmaiden told me it was for the better, and she's happy for him. She told me this on the verge of tears, not unlike what happened when I promised her to stay, and even if she tried to act as if this didn't bother her, I could obviously tell.

I did what I did last time, and gave her more physical comfort as she began to let it out. It was hard to listen to, and I wanted to block out the sound of her sobs beating against my heart, but I pushed through, sort of. I cried with her.

I just couldn't help it? But she started to comfort me, we were both trying our hardest to comfort each other, holding each other tightly. Her snout was heavily pressed against my face, and she stopped her tears for a second to blush. For once, I laughed since it looked so funny, and she did too.

The blushing didn't stop for awhile, though, and she seemed a bit awkward. I wondered why, but then I recalled that how her and Moomintroll basically kissed through pressing their snouts together...

...Oh.

I'm not making any advances, though. She needs time to breathe.

~ Vietal -

Dear Diary, Winter is arriving, and now I must say goodbye to my friends in Moominvalley. For one must travel, and the others must hibernate. I won't even be as lonely, knowing that there are winter creatures here.

Thankfully, this time I can tell Snorkmaiden goodbye and not worry her too much. I have a few flowers for her to sleep next to, as well as a letter for her to read when she wakes up. A letter intended to tell her how I feel towards her, a crush aside, and I am ready for our reunion when Spring comes back.

It's the one way I can say those words to her.

~ Vietal -

Dear Diary, On my travels again, I have kept her gifts, including one she gave me before I left. A photo of us we tried taking while lounging around in the woods. It's messy, it's funny, but it has care put into it. I love it

I love her. I wish to see her again soon.

~ Vietal -

Dear Diary, I think I won't write in this one for awhile, because...it feels like a nice way to look back on how things have progressed.

When I came back, I went to her house first and called for her name. I could faintly hear her run down the stairs as fast as she could, and then she leaped into my arms. We span around in circles, giggling, before eventually stopping to look at each other.

We stared. Like how we first met. Both of our paws were hand in hand, and it felt like it was only us.

She said these words to me.

"Vietal...I read your letter. And I am really flattered to know that's what you think of me." She paused, and gently placed the jasmine flower petal on my hat. I gasped a little, yet continued to hold on her free hand. "I think that's what I think of you, too."

I froze, but her warm smile grounded me to reality. It was true.

"I love you."

Not long after, we looked at the valley together; paw in paw, our bodies and heads close together as the sun rose.

I wouldn't have this any better in any other way.

~ Vietal

#moomins #fic tag #jasmine flowers (fic)#snorkmaiden #vietal #oc x canon #srry if its a bit fast paced towards the end its Late While Im Writing This

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neshabeingchildish · 5 years

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10. Swellview Stats

So, I decided to do a little more Charlotte’s inner thoughts in this chapter. I know I did a touch here and there last chapter, but more in this one. It’s in Italics. Edit: You may have missed Ch. 9, because its an audio post instead of a text post. So, you’ll have to read that one before this one. It don’t look like the other ones.

Swellview Stats

Swellview might as well be a Utopia for simple minded individuals and intellects who gave up being competitive in the wide world. We have some of the safest neighborhoods, because of a couple of reasons. One of them is the Man Team. The other is the fact that our villains are stupid. Honestly, our townsfolk are stupid, too. There's probably a handful of brain cells in Swellview that get lent around for convenience, and a select few absolute geniuses who just got stuck here because they were born here and staying was too easy. I can't be one of those geniuses. The last time there was a murder in Swellview was like 35 years ago and it was accidental. There are often injuries as a result of chaotic driving or Captain Man goofing up a rescue, but statically, Swellview is a safe and comfortable place. Do I love safety? Yes. Do I love comfort? More than anyone I know! Can I settle for being the best in my field when my counterparts would never even rank in the country? Why would I?

I'm Charlotte Page. I aspire to be Dr. Charlotte Page, a Renaissance woman who specializes in every letter of STEAM, focusing on biomedical engineering… she looked at her boyfriend, shoving oversized eggs into his mouth while the rest of the guys counted, "8,9.." she got up, shaking her head and left the table.

She already had a dozen acceptance letters for colleges, was already taking some courses and had finished a couple of programs via Swellview University while she was in school. She had all of her graduation credits last year. She was going to graduate early, but decided to just get additional high school transcripts dings, and start college low-key, to transition a little better afterwards.

Besides, her work in the Man Cave was excellent practice for the work that she would be doing in her near future. She was thinking by 21, she'd have her first degree and probably be able to design electrical circuits, software to run medical equipment, or computer simulations to test new drug therapies. She'd want to try out a tech position at a renowned lab, but might have to settle for something more subtle because she'd still be working on her education, too.

By 23, she should be able to finally make a move towards the lab of her choice with the previous lab work experience and her highest degree completed."Hey, Charlotte! Jasper just stuffed 12 eggs into his mouth!" Henry bragged and stuck his tongue out laughing. "Then he swallowed them whole!"

"What?" She asked turning to the table again.

"Just gulped 'em down his gullet!" Ray cheered.

"Jasper?" Charlotte fussed. "You KNOW that eating that many boiled eggs will give you painful gas!"

Jasper said to the guys at the table, "Hey. How many farts you guys think I'll make when these eggs give me gas?" They started giving out numbers.

Charlotte folded her arms and glared at him, shaking her head. Henry was grateful HE wasn't the one getting the look this time. In fact, those looks seemed to be reserved for her boyfriend these past few weeks. She definitely loved him. Henry knew she did, because why else on Earth would that match even take place. But, he also realized that she had buttons. Buttons that Jasper pushed with childlike wonder, with enthusiasm that seemed to ask, "What does this one do?" Henry offered some intervention in saying, "Charlotte, you are dating a legend. A Man Cave legend. Nobody makes stats like Jasp does in this place."

"And what are these stats good for?" She asked Henry.

Ray intercepted, "Allow me." He grabbed a remote control and pressed a button, which revealed a chart of really stupid things (like how many punches in the belly you can take), and a points system. Jasper was in the lead. She was in last place.. in a contest that she didn't even know could happen, with points mainly for dodging certain death during Ray's irresponsible tantrums or something. "Yes, stare in awe," Ray told her.

"Awe is definitely a word," she said. She sighed, shook her head and said, "I'm going up into the store, before the gas and fart counting begins…" She heard a loud noise and saw Henry's distorted face.

Ray cheered, "Too late." And she was gone. Up the tube gone. She wasn't even gonna stay at work if this is what they were doing with their time.

Jasper was really sweet. Whenever it was the two of them, she was the only person in the world. Whenever they were with their friends, he was still sweet, but… they brought out the oaf in him. Now… as a friend of all of these people, she couldn't be too judgy. And nobody MADE her say yes to Jasper. She just wished that his best round of friends weren't.. this.

She was thinking about the upcoming college years and he was literally making a game out of his flatulence. The most frustrating thing about that was that Jasper isn't even a fart humor type person! He finds that gross and childish!! But, whenever it's the guys, he's onboard for childish shenanigans. Unless he's pretending to be more mature when he's with her. Then, that's false advertising, and she'd feel bamboozled. BUT then, if THAT was the case.. she would have to admit to being outsmarted by JASPER! Charlotte let out an aggravated squeal and frightened a lady and her dog walking by. They went to the other side of the street and she kept going, feeling awkward.

Piper was home, so she stopped by. "Hey… I wanted to vent to someone about Jasper…"

Piper raised her palm and said, "Let me give you a little disclaimer. Whatever it is that you have to say, my perpetual thought will be, "What did you expect when you started going out with Jasper?"

"Fair enough. Can I begin?" Piper sat down and Charlotte joined her on the couch. "So.. I know that Jasper's a little bit offbeat."

"What an understatement."

"He's honestly not as stupid as people think. He's very good at listening. He is insightful when it comes to interpersonal relationships. He gives excellent pep talks and sometimes pretty good advice, if he understands all of the details. He's an honest, loyal, and caring friend and has been a very thoughtful boyfriend."

"So, this is gushing and not venting? Balls." Piper flopped back, prepared to listen to Jasper praise that she didn't ask for.

"No. That was the good stuff that I have to get out of the way before I complain to him about what I can't stand, unless I want to see him cry!"

"You.. say all of that before you get to your point? And he listens?"

"Jasper feeds off of compliments. They open him up fully and then you can slide in the complaints. Only thing is that I knew he was the guy that he is and it's not fair to expect him to change, but.. Shouldn't he want to? Wouldn't you rather do anything else in the world than count farts with your friends, when you have an awesome girlfriend who's also around?"

"I would rather do anything else if I was as lonely as an old lady in a house thought to be haunted. But, I'm not Jasper. And like you said, you knew he was an idiot from the moment he first opened his mouth. We all did. I knew he was an idiot from the moment my memory formed as a toddler and he was at our house in all his stupid glory."

"But he's not stupid! That's the problem. He's ignorant about a lot. He's naive. He doesn't always think things through. But… have you ever seen him plan something out for a date? Or heard him talk to a little kid? Jasper is definitely unique, but I think he could do anything he puts his mind to. I just wish he'd put his mind to things that matter."

"Do you ever suggest these things?"

"Yeah, but I can't control him!"

Piper laughed, "Oh, Charlotte. I keep forgetting that this is your first boyfriend. Of course you can control him. Jasper is… what's a word that you won't refute?... Impressionable. Make better impressions. Lemme see your phone."

Charlotte reluctantly handed it over and Piper read out loud as she typed, "Shame that you didn't want to hang with me today. Gonna have to pick out new undies by myself. Sad face emoji."

"What?"

"Send."

"WHAT?"

Piper held a hand up to her, then pointed to the phone to show her Jasper was typing. "I would chop off the entire bottom half of my body to be included in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Too late. But, hope that the fart counting went well. Maybe, if you're more considerate later, I'll text you pix of my choices."

"Don't send that!"

"Send."

Charlotte snatched her phone from Piper, but Piper bent over her to see Jasper's next response, "Okay… I didn't mean to be inconsiderate? Next time, I'll check to see if you need anything from me before being stupid with the guys all day." Charlotte shook her head and said, "That's unfair to play him like that."

"Are you mad at me, Babe?" Jasper wondered.

Charlotte: No. That was Piper. I let her see my phone.

Jasper: Ok… but… did you tell her that stuff about me?

Charlotte: I said some things, but…He called. She groaned and answered, "Hey. Sorry about that…"

"Hey… if I'm doing something wrong, you can just tell me. You don't have to go to Piper."

"I came here just to vent."

"About me?"

"A little."

"Vent to me. Tell me what's wrong." She began to give out her list of compliments, but he cut her off, "Charlotte. I said tell me what's wrong. I know that you like and respect me. There's no other reason that you'd date me. What's your beef, though? What did you have to vent about?"

She sighed and laid on the couch as she talked. Piper hung around, listening to the end of the chat as she used her own cell phone. "I just feel like you would rather be doing senseless things with the guys at work than anything with me."

"I feel like I do a lot with you and that I've hardly hung out with them in the past few weeks, but I'll try to be more mindful about things. I don't want you having to vent about me."

"I… shouldn't have said anything."

"How else could I know? I'm not intuitive." She frowned. "Hey, pretty girl. Smile. Don't stress about it. You didn't say yes to a caveman. I just like to relax with my bros sometimes and that can't change. You smiling?"

"Yeah," she lied.

"No you're not. That's not your smiling voice."

Now, she was smiling, "Thought you said you weren't intuitive."

"There it is!" He cheered. "I'm not intuitive. I just really know you. Not enough to read your mind, but enough to hear that smile."

She smiled even wider and said, "You irritate me."

"Maybe. But not right now. Otherwise, you wouldn't be smiling so much." They both held the phone a while and Jasper asked in a low, soft voice, "You love me, right?"

"I've never said that," she said.

"That wasn't a no!" He said and she could swear… she could swear that she could hear him smiling. "I love you too." He hung up the phone and she nudged Piper with her foot.

"You're welcome," Piper said.

Swellview is not so much "Home Sweet Home" as it is, a safe place with sweet people that you could get used to. Crime rates are fairly high, but the crimes are pretty safe. The news is hilarious. You can just walk right into a friend's home and their door is probably open, and their family probably treats you like you're a part of theirs. It's a good place to meet the love of your life, even. Maybe not so much to stay there with them, though. I don't know how to ask Jasper what's going to happen when we graduate. I don't know how to even suggest that he come with me. I have no idea if he'll even want something more than Swellview. I have no idea if he thinks that I'm something more than Swellview.

#A Chasper Fic #chasper #henry danger #hd fanfic #Nesha HD Fics

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meeshy69-blog · 5 years

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Michelle’s Mindfulness on Music: an Interactive Twitter Narrative

*Michelle Betty* @pettybetty1017

Michelle had succumbed to the state of loneliness after becoming a freshman in college. She has always been a positive thinker; she has always been motivated in school, and she had always lived an active, happy lifestyle. But her soul was taken over by sadness after facing heartbreak.

Michelle and her boyfriend Johnny had been dating for three years during high school, but soon after graduation she went on to attend her dream college, Columbia University in New York. She had only been in school for shortly under a month and was still adjusting to being away from home. Her and Johnny always made time for each other daily over the phone. Sometimes it would be a little tricky for the two of them to make time, but they would still manage to catch up.

“What?” Michelle said in confusion, as she pressed her ear to the phone, “I don’t understand, John… I’m only two states away from you, Johnny.

“There’s not much to explain here, Mich.” Johnny replied in a curt manner, as he and Michelle exchanged conversations. “I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. Now that you’re settled in at school, I think we should do our own thing. The distance isn’t worth it for us two.”

Michelle’s vocal fry peaked through the phone, but she made sure Johnny wouldn’t hear her break. She excused herself from the call so she could tend to the imaginary dinner she had cooking in the oven.

Michelle was anguished. She spent most of her pre-adult years with Johnny and couldn’t think of any reason why long distance wasn’t worth it for him, especially since it didn’t cross her mind once that it was ever a problem. Johnny was someone she looked forward to talking with at the end of the day, weather it was about something comical or frustrating that went on that day. He was the ear she would rely on for all of her daily stories.

Days after her and Johnny split, she spent most of the time in her room, lacking motivation in school, her social life, and her academic performance. Her grades started to slip and she didn’t know what to do to cope with such a life changing event. She even considered dropping out of school all together so her headspace could be in the right place again. Michelle’s emotions were eating her up inside.

“Was it something I did?” she would ask herself. “Or maybe it’s someone else… I knew I should have stayed at home for a year with him. He’s probably at home filling the gap with some other girl while I’m stuck here feeling miserable.”

She figured that finding any type of excuse towards his reason for breaking up with her would potentially help her move on. She even tried becoming angry with the whole situation; maybe if she had fingers to point at him, some of the stressful emotions would be lifted from Michelle’s shoulders.

Michelle didn’t find any of this helpful at all. In fact, nothing seemed to be benefiting her mood when she would implement distractions on her day. She started isolating herself daily to the point where even her friends didn’t want to be around her negativity.

“Why does one change in my life cause other people to leave me too? I’m stuck in a domino effect of bad luck.”

This thought really pushed her down further in her negative emotions. Michelle was tired of feeling sorry for herself. She missed having a connection with people and most importantly, she missed sharing laughs with her close group of friends. Johnny was the last person on her mind at this point, and all she was missing now was just a genuine connection with people.

The only piece of comfort Michelle got out of her day was through social media after she had physically separated herself from human interaction. Social media was the one thing that gave her a sense of belonging again. Seeing that little red emoticon heart pop up on her instagram feed allowed her to feel a pinch of gratification, but only for a slight moment. She craved this feeling heavily each day to where she would even find herself venting about her problems on Twitter, hoping for someone to notice her pain.

Michelle considered herself an expert in the field of social media, but mainly because she was studying Social Media Strategy at her University. She was aware of how users can rely on social media platforms to deliver messages to a larger audience in a quick and efficient way. This also allowed her to recognize how effective hashtags can be over such social platforms. She often found reliable sites and pages through hashtags that related to her own personal life, gaining that small sense of comfort back again for a short while. This reminded Michelle of how she once relied on specific hashtags that would lead her to tips and articles on healthy eating, workout routines, and even beauty routines. She would always utilize these tips, especially before moving away to school. This gave her an idea:

“what can Twitter do for me to help with my mental health instead of my physical health?” she asked herself.

As she was trying to cope with her emotional trauma through Twitter, she began using the hashtag #depressed as a cry for help. As seen on her Twitter feed, she overshared about her issues and several of her friends believed that her oversharing on twitter was a way to gain attention from Johnny, but she was feeling so separated from the world that this was her only way of venting her emotional problems.

Using the hashtag #Depressed led Michelle to share her story with others that were also feeling this way over Twitter. This connected her to others that have gone through similar situations, and it even connected her to a page that shared coping mechanisms for her specific mood changes. After reading several articles through the #Depressed page, she stumbled upon one specific article that provided some good insight on what music can do for the human brain.

“Music helps control blood pressure?” Michelle read aloud as curiosity sparked her interest.

She was puzzled by this statement after reading an article from Digde Project, something she found through twitter and the #depression hashtag. This article talks about the several ways in which music improves multiple disorders, including a few that she had been struggling with as of recently. She had noticed that her depression has recently been causing panic attacks that kept her from falling asleep at night. In this article, AJ Block states that The Cardiovascular Society of Great Britain recently discovered that some genres of music can in fact match up with our rhythmic beat as humans, causing the heart to slow down and relax.

Not only does Block touch base on how music can relax the human heartbeat, but it is also stated that McGill University in Canada had conducted a study on how music can positively affect the chemicals in the brain. Dopamine is a great chemical, especially when the brain is doing its’ job at producing it. According to McGill University, music acts as a stimulant for the brain, jumpstarting it to regularly produce this happy hormone once again.

“I don’t remember the last time I updated my music playlist on Spotify.” Michelle thought to herself.

Eager, she took her phone out and began scrolling. She scanned through several old bands and artists she once enjoyed, which made it hard for her to pick a song out to test-drive this theory. She then took it upon herself to create a specific playlist incorporating “feel-good songs” in it that she once loved.

She plugged her headphones in and rolled onto her bed, staring at the ceiling fan. As she watched the fan spin on low-speed above her, she became unaware that her toes were keeping beat with Kevin Morby as he sang through her ears, an old favorite musician of hers. As her ankles and toes began to softly dance, she realized all the movement in the room was in perfect sync.

The fan spinning, her toes wiggling, and the soft voice of Kevin Morby through her headphones; Michelle could feel her eyelids become very heavy as she actually relaxed for the first time in awhile. She missed this sense of comfort that once overwhelmed her body, and Michelle was finally at ease from her thoughts.

#music and mood #depression #coping #protips

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