#I know nothing about stars or astronomy or constellations
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beelzebub who has obscure knowledge because he cares so much about his brothers' interests, they become his, too – or, a slight beelzebub character study at 3am because i need it and so do you.
beelzebub who can name every constellation in the night sky of all three realms, who knows both astrology and astronomy, who has read all of belphie's essays and research papers, who was there when they were written.
beelzebub who knows how to play (and cheat, and win) about every casino game, who knows how to do fast math even if he doesn't really care for it, who checks the fucking stock market every morning to see if mammon's mood will be affected by it or not.
beelzebub who knows the difference between the scent of white and red roses, who knows how to properly do your (and his) makeup, who has memorised which products are good for his complexion and how many times a day he needs to apply sunscreen, because asmo swears that the fridge light hits him as much as the sun would have in the human world.
beelzebub who can quote jane austen and poe and shakespeare and euripides from memory, who makes references from books that were destroyed with the library of alexandria, who knows about every breed of cat there is, who listens to satan explain whose fur is the thickest and whose the softest.
beelzebub who will rewatch tsl for hours, who will carry boxes upon boxes of games upstairs, who will (poorly) draw ruri from memory, who will know how to play most games levi hyperfixates on and the plot from most anime he has rambled about.
beelzebub who knows even the most bizzare of genres of music, who can taste the difference between a thousand year and a thousand and one year aged demonus, who immediately recognises the jazz song lucifer is playing when he wants to spend quality time with him but doesn't want to disturb him.
beelzebub who, if you ask him about his interests, will reply that he doesn't really have any, who will search within him for an ounce of self, who will give up after a while because he is six beings in one, and he doesn't know if there's room for one more.
beelzebub who decides that it's okay to be a mosaic of his favourite beings, who finds out that he has been carrying seven in him all along, who gazes in your – a human's – eyes and understands why she fought and why she fell and why she tried so much.
beelzebub who, in his spare time, will go in the human world to visit museums and archaeological sites and long abandoned villages, who will reminisce about when everything he just saw was once new and shining, who will retrace the steps he took aeons ago, alone this time.
beelzebub who often feels lost, who grieves and eats and grieves some more, who carries the memory of his sister because he once read that one truly stops existing when they are forgotten, yet smiles when he sees red roses and shiny coins and old books and video games and cursed records and the starry sky, who sighs into your neck right before he falls asleep and promises to never forget the way your skin feels under his.
beelzebub who, without you asking him, tells you he likes flowers and animals, who likes everything the sun touches, whose eyes glimmer when you ask him to tell you about yarrows and their meaning and their colours, who will explain in a heartbeat, just for you.
beelzebub whose self is a wounded one, a fighting one, whose self is a memory box he just keeps adding into, a scrapbook of eternity's erosion, who finds happiness in the little things, in the simple things, who binds his family together.
beelzebub who loved and loves and will love until there's nothing of him left, until he is the last one remembering, until the night sky is no longer a painting, but just an accumulation dead stars.
#obey me#obey me shall we date#beelzebub obey me#beelzebub x reader#i feel like he has so much depth#and if he doesn't he does in my head#some people only view him as the nom nom himbo but good lord#i beg to differ#finally being able to let out the 2 year beel brainrot to real humans and not the voices in my head is fantastic#i hope this wasn't too messy#sing me a song // the song of our glory
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love and starlight
pairing: luca x black!reader
summary: you finally meet your long-distance boyfriend, luca.
wc: 496, you're welcome
a/n: my man, my man, my man!!! someone scream with me, thanks.
“Woah.”
“What?”
“The stars.”
Luca would never get enough of the wonder that shone in the irises of your brown eyes. He’d never seen beauty so brazen, so outrageous since he discovered the beauty of the kitchen. Even still, that beauty was different — people moving into and around each to create the perfect dish, the best presentation, before being whisked away to the customer. That beauty was like a symphony, growing louder and louder only to be met with an uneasy silence at the end. A long pause until the song repeated its first notes, orders in and chefs working once more.
Your beauty was another deal entirely. It was of another realm. You whose smile made his heart beat twice as fast, adagio to allegro. There was no abrupt silence, no uneasiness. No pressure in waiting to hear if the customer liked the dish. No head chef to tell him he’d been moving too slow or too fast. Just you, lighting up his world so bright even the sun seethed in envy.
He’d underestimated his feelings from behind a computer screen, the distance between you and him tricking him, luring him into false security. To be fair, Marcus tried to warn him �� she’s larger than life in person, he’d said. And Luca heard, but he hadn’t really listened. If he had, his heart wouldn’t be putty in your hands when you finally met face to face two days ago.
“What about them?” Luca asked, hands pushed deep in his pockets. He waited with a smile until your head finally turned back down from the cosmos to his eyes. “The stars?”
“Nothing. Nothing, it’s dumb.”
“It’s not dumb. Can’t be if it makes you happy.”
Another smile, bashful this time, on your lips. You kicked a rock across the pavement. “It’s just… I’ve never really seen stars. Not like this, in person.”
Luca was only slightly taken aback, his brow raised. “Really?”
“Lights are too bright in Chicago. ‘S all you can see.” You shrugged. “And I’ve never really been anywhere rural—”
“You think Copenhagen is rural?”
“I meant in the states.” You laughed, pushing his shoulder playfully.
“I know what you meant.” He added with a chuckle. “Couldn’t really see the stars in London either. I think ‘s called light pollution or something.”
“Fuck light pollution.”
“Agreed.”
You tilted your head back up to stare at the stars, wishing that you’d paid attention in your astronomy class in college. Maybe then you’d be able to point out at least one constellation. The stars didn’t care either way. They sparkled bright, maybe even brighter than usual, just for you. You brushed a stray braid behind your ear as you slowly spun around, gazing into the night sky. “‘S really pretty.” You commented, mostly to yourself.
Luca didn’t look at the stars. Only at your eyes, at the reflection of starlight on your brown skin. “Agreed.”
Then and there, the stars bore witness to true, unashamed love.
#luca x reader#chef luca x reader#the bear fx fanfiction#the bear fanfiction#the bear fx#luca the bear#the bear hulu#the bear headcanon#pastry chef luca
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star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 14
synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.
there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.
pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader
genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers
word count: 35K (🫠)
warnings: cursing, drinking, jealousy, mutual pining, sexual tension, intense making out, dirty talk, mature content, sub! hyunjin, references to fingering, mentions of the word cock, dom! hyunjin, handjob, grinding, dry humping, overthinking, references to anxiety and therapy, slight confrontation, opens with a flashback
a/n: thank you for being so patient with me, and this story! i worked a lot for this chapter, and its very pivotal to the rest of the story, in terms of hyun and yn. in fact almost 80% of this chapter is just them. i hope you love it. its very longg so please grab a blanket and snacks before sitting down to read it ;)
i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!
important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.
masterlist
summer of 2015.
“Do you know why those stars are called Cassiopeia?”
The constellation was more visible than ever tonight — made up of five stars, it almost looked like a Queen sitting on her throne, in the sky.
It was a real question, because you had absolutely no idea why the constellations were named after Greek myths. You’d read about it, of course, within faded literature pages in middle school, but you’d never been interested in astronomy, so you hardly paid attention.
Staring up at it now, you wished you had.
“Hmm?” He asked, and you realised that he also hadn’t been paying attention, to you.
“Cassiopeia” You repeated, pointing your hand upwards, at the bright stars.
“I don’t speak French, babe”
“It’s Latin…” You told him, “What are you thinking of?”
The sand between your fingers was icky, but once you got used to it, it wasn’t all that bad. The waves rushing over you felt calm. The sea was warm this time of year, and the only thing you had looked forward to all summer was this moment, right here.
“I’m thinking…about how I’d do anything for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now” He replied, as if he’d been crafting his answer with perfection for ages, as if you hadn’t just asked him about the night sky, something completely unrelated.
You turned your head, cheek pressing into the sand, “Really, Lix? We…just ate”
Felix sighed, still staring at the skies above, but making no effort to actually see anything, “I know, but…I’m still hungry”
It was tradition at this point, for you and Yongbok to run away to the beach, lie down in the sand, and talk about anything and everything in the world, or talk about nothing at all.
He was the one person in your life you didn’t mind silence with.
You rolled over to face him, as another wave washed over the two of you.
He squint at you, “What? Don’t look at me like that”
“Like what?” You laughed, elbows digging into the sand, “The carbonara Hana made was good, Lix. It was her first time making that too, don’t be so harsh on her”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good, but I just don’t understand why we didn’t let Minho make dinner, as he does every time. You should stop being a kiss-ass to Hana”
“I am not a kiss-ass” You rolled your eyes.
He sighed, and sat up, making you sit up too, knees digging into the wet sand. You fixed the red strings of your bikini, tightening the knot at the sides.
He stopped you in the midst of that action, hand landing on your bare thigh, “Please? Just one sandwich?”
“Why can’t you make it yourself?” You frowned, looking up at him.
“Because…I don’t wanna get up” He hummed, lending his help to you. His fingers drifted upwards to your swimsuit and he tongued his cheek, “You don’t even know how to tie a knot properly. Let me”
You sat back, hands resting on your thighs as he took over. His fingers were cold, making you shiver, and Felix smiled at that.
“Did you even hear what I said?” You asked, annoyed.
He squinted, “About the French chick?”
You glanced back up at the sky, and the constellation that you had been talking of, “Greek. I was asking you if you know why the stars were named after her”
“Maybe she was really hot”
You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure she was”
He looked up at you, after tying the strings in a perfect knot, “Then they should name a star after you too, Y/N”
“Stop” You laughed, pushing his hand away, “You’re just saying that because you want me to get you food”
He smiled, shameless, “Yeah I am. Please?”
You glanced towards the cabin, a few hundred or so meters away.
There were no lights on, since everybody else in the house had gone to sleep. Along the rest of the coast, other cabins dotted the beach, of all sizes and styles, lit up and occupied by families or groups of friends. It was a hot summer and nobody liked to stay in their stuffy city homes.
But the coast was beautiful, and serene.
“Fine” You hummed, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “But you owe me, Lix”
His eyes were bright and you could never say no to him, so you gave in.
“I love you” He sang, as you walked over to the cabin, footsteps light in the sand.
You took your time, relishing in the cool wind against your skin, occasionally turning back to smile at Yongbok. His eyes never left your figure until you reached the porch, making sure you got there safely, even though it was the safest place in the world.
Soon, this summer would end and you’d be back at school, missing this gritty sand and warm seawater.
Yongbok’s shirt hung on the porch railing, next to your sweater and you slipped it on over your bikini, before stepping inside. The cabin tend to get cold, even on summer nights like this, so you hugged yourself to keep warm, as you walked through the foyer.
Your friends were sleeping, and you had to be quiet. Treading carefully, the loud creak of the door still gave your presence away, wooden planks becoming wet with your footsteps.
You blindly fumbled in the dark, finding your way to the kitchen.
The television was on.
It was a little past three, and static noise buzzed through the little house, flashing colours lighting up the living room.
“Hello?” You asked, trying to see in the dark, “Minho?”
A blanket lay on the couch, but whoever had been watching TV had already left, since the remote lay buried in the pile of cushions. Frowning, you picked it up, turning it off.
“Just because Yongbok’s uncle pays for this doesn’t mean we can leave shit on…” You sighed, in the empty room, hoping Minho would hear you. The cabin was small, so even if he was upstairs, he’d be able to hear you.
Now that the television was off, the entire room was engulfed in darkness again, and perhaps it would have been smarter to just leave it on so you could navigate.
You weren’t scared of the dark, but you were easily startled. Moonlight filtered in through the windows, and peeking out, you could see Yongbok’s shape against the dark horizon.
In the blue light of your phone screen, you spotted your headphones on the coffee table. You plugged them in, switching to a playlist Yeonjun made as you slipped the headset over your wet hair.
It was silly, that you’d be making sandwiches for him at this time of the day, but you’d do just about anything in the world for Yongbok.
Humming along to your music, you stepped into the pantry, searching for the bread. For some reason, Minho had brought back four different kinds of bread from the local bakery earlier today, and you peered at the labels, wanting to pick one which wasn’t multigrain, since Yongbok hated that.
Whispers interrupted your search, and you stilled in your movements.
“Yongbok?” You turned around, but you couldn’t see anything or anyone in the dark.
It was probably your music that made you hear things, and you turned back to the shelf.
“There you are” You smiled, spotting the Whole Wheat Bread.
You stepped into the kitchen, packet clasped tightly within your hands and that’s when you saw them.
You stilled in your movements.
The bread unceremoniously dropped from your hands, landing on the musty floor with a thump.
What the fuck?
Across the kitchen island, sat on the two bar stools, your best friend, Song Hana was kissing your other friend, Yeonjun.
No. They weren’t even just kissing. Hana was halfway in Yeonjun’s lap, and his tongue was so far down her throat that this obviously wasn’t the first time it happened.
Your reaction of surprise wasn’t loud, but it might as well have been like dynamite inside the quiet house because it made them jump apart from each other, turning to face you.
His eyes were wide, as she noticed you in the doorway, “Oh my god. Y/N. Hey”
Hey?
So simple. Hey, I wasn’t just making out with our best friend.
You wish you could have just walked away without drawing attention to yourself, but now they were both staring at you.
You cleared your throat, thankful the dark concealed your shock, wondering what you could possibly say to diffuse the awkwardness, “Uh, I didn’t know anyone was awake in the house”
“Yeah” Hana laughed, fumbling over her words, “I couldn’t sleep so…I came to get some dumplings”
Your gaze drifted to Yeonjun, and a faint pink coated his cheeks, but he wasn’t even looking at you.
“Right... Jun?” You asked, making him finally glance up. Even in the darkness of the kitchen, you could prominently see the shape of his Adam’s Apple, as he swallowed, “Yeah, Y/N? Were you at the beach?”
You obviously saw them kiss, but they were hiding it, and there was nothing more to say.
“I…um, I just came to get some jelly, for Felix” You told them, “But…I’ll leave you two to it. Enjoy the...dumplings”
You immediately turned around, because you had to process this - whatever the hell you just saw, because your best friends were hooking up, and this was how you found out?
Hana had never expressed a romantic interest in him before this, what changed? Your friendship was too special, far too precious, to ruin with an impulsive mistake or decision like that.
You would ask her about it later, not tonight.
You had to get back to the beach, to Felix.
To something familiar, and comforting, and known and—
—A hand immediately grabbed your arm, stopping you in the corridor, in the midst of your thoughts.
You shouldn’t be surprised that it was him coming after you, instead of her.
Yeonjun was always the one wanting to fix everything, “Y/N, please wait”
He was always the one who never wanted to hurt you.
“Yeah?” You turned around, hoping you sounded as nonchalant as you wanted to, “You can keep the bread. I…I’ll just tell Yongbok we don’t have any”
“You’re hurt”
Your eyebrows shot up, at his statement, “Hurt by what? The sandwiches weren’t even for me, I’m fine”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about”
A laugh escaped you, “Then what?”
Yeonjun closed his eyes, “I wasn’t hiding it from you…I was going to tell you”
“It’s okay, I can pretend I didn’t see anything” You shot him a smile, trying to leave but he pulled you back. You stumbled towards him in the dark corridor, wondering where Hana was, if she was listening to this, and what she must be thinking.
“Jun…” You laughed, another forced chuckle.
A flash of regret painted his eyes, “I promise, I was going to tell you”
It was cold, and you were confused, but Yeonjun’s grip was warm, and understanding.
He didn’t need to explain himself.
You were…just surprised, a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head of everything that could possibly go wrong after tonight, and wondering if you really knew your friends as well as you thought you did. They’d been hooking up all this time, and you never noticed, and you never picked up on any hints?
You were more disappointed in yourself than anything.
He continued speaking, “I was going to tell you in the morning, I didn’t know you’re still awake, Y/N”
“I just didn’t expect that. Does anybody else know about you?”
He shook his head, “There isn’t an us”
You swallowed, “I mean, it’s fine if there is. It’s just…kind of something I have to get used to. How long have you been-”
Yeonjun grimaced, “No, you don’t understand. That was the first time it ever happened, Y/N”
Your voice fell, “What?”
“You just …walked in on our first kiss” He explained, “We haven’t ever done that before. That’s what I was trying to tell you. It just happened”
“But…” You squeezed your eyes shut, “What? I don’t understand. Are you��two tipsy or something?”
Yeonjun laughed, “I wish, but no. We’re...completely sober. Sorry you had to see that”
Your voice softened, tension falling from your shoulders, “You don’t have to apologise. I just didn’t expect...”
He nodded, a chuckle escaping him, “Yeah. You know that I’ve liked her for years”
You crossed your arms, hugging yourself, “Yeah…I just, I had no idea she liked you back”
He laughed, “I didn’t either, but she said that she always wanted to kiss me too”
“That’s good” You told him.
He lowered his voice, “Y/N. There’s something else. She said she’s in love with me”
Your eyes shot open, “What? In…love with you?”
He nodded, a smile on his lips, “I know. It was hard for me to believe too. The girl of my...fucking dreams just said that to me, like it took no effort. I didn’t think that stuff happened in real life”
This changed everything.
Yeonjun was only sixteen, and he’d found the love of his life, and you were so happy for him.
Your eyes lit up, “Did she kiss you first?”
He nodded, his lips still had traces of Hana’s lipgloss on it, “Yeah. She did”
“Fuck, that’s...really cool” You stared at the floor, trying to process it, “I was just taken aback, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to freak out or anything”
He shook his head, “No, I completely understand”
Just then, Hana stepped out from the kitchen, footsteps timid, hands hugging herself as she saw you, “Hey”
“Hey”
The only light in the corridor was from the moon, and it illuminated their silhouettes beautifully.
They hadn’t even got together yet but you could imagine them being perfect together.
“I’m sorry you had to find out like that” She bit her lip, “We were going to talk to you tomorrow. I’d never keep something like that from you”
Yeonjun glanced at her, eyes crinkling, “I told her”
She looked up at him, mouth parted, “You did?”
The way they were looking at each other made it obvious. This wasn’t just a temporary, impulsive crush. Was it so easy to find the love of your life?
“I’m…gonna go up to bed though” She squeaked, and Yeonjun nodded.
She turned to you, “Is it okay if we switch places? I wanted to stay with him tonight. You could…stay with Minho, or Felix?”
“You’re kicking me out of our room?” You joked.
Hana immediately seemed guilty, “Sorry. I can move your things for you”
“It’s okay” You nodded, even though you had far too many things and art supplies for Hana to even attempt to move, and you could never fall asleep in Felix’s bed, but they were in love and that was the craziest thing in the world, so those technicalities didn’t matter right now, and you’d make do.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to move my stuff just for tonight. I can share Lix’s comforter” You smiled at her.
Hana walked away, and you were left alone with Yeonjun.
His gaze trailed to the kitchen, “Did you want something…from in there?”
You remembered the reason you’d been here in the first place, “Felix…he wanted-”
“Peanut butter and jelly?” He finished your sentence, “It’s almost four in the morning”
“Yeah, you know how he is” You laughed.
He sighed, shoulders sinking, as realisation sank in, “Sorry”
For what?
He had nothing to be sorry for.
Guilt overcome you, because you’d walked in on his first kiss, essentially ruining it and now he was saying sorry to you.
You frowned, reaching to grab his hand, “For what? I’m really happy for you, Yeonjun. I’m sorry I ruined your first kiss”
“Y/N-”
“I should be the one apologising. I know I was surprised at first, but you know that you deserve the best? I…know how long you’ve liked her, and I’m really glad she feels the same way. Why are you apologising for that?”
Yeonjun was looking at you in amusement, and he reached ahead to tuck a wet strand of your hair back, “You’re really special, you know that right?”
“What?” You frowned, “Why?”
“I was apologising to you just because…me and Hana finished all the jelly”
»»————-
“The jelly is gone”
Felix turned to you, quirking an eyebrow, “What does that even mean?”
You settled back into the sand, still in your sweater, curling your legs up, “It means…the jam is over. They finished it”
“Who?” His voice raised, in pointed annoyance, and surprise.
“Yeonjun, and Hana”
Felix sighed, leaning back on his palms, “Why were they eating jelly at three am?”
“I walked in on them kissing” You blurted.
“What?”
“I just…I saw them, inside, kissing”
“Wait, what?” He shifted on his knees, towards you, “Who? Hana and him?”
You glanced at him, “Yeah, who else?”
A variety of emotions passed Felix’s face, and perhaps you weren’t the only one having trouble processing this. They would be perfect for each other, but what if they were not?
You buried your hands in your sleeves, watching the moonlight bounce off the high tide.
There was silence between you, the only sound of the ocean waves breaking at the surface.
You had been excited for them, but now that you truly thought about it...a worry festered within you.
“I didn’t know Hana liked him back” He spoke.
“They’re probably gonna date, right?”
“I don’t know” He shrugged, “They might”
You traced a heart in the sand, “I’m happy for them”
He tilt his head, “Yeah, sure, you sound real happy, Y/N”
You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling crazy for even thinking all of this but you could tell Yongbok anything so you did, “I am. I’m just worried”
“About?”
You felt like a child, but you had a tendency to imagine the worst case scenarios, “What if they stop hanging out with us?”
Felix’s eyes softened, “Babe…”
Your voice shot up, “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen it happen. What if they break up? Everything’s going to go to shit then. It’s a bad idea to date within your friend group, isn’t it? This could be the downfall of everything”
Felix sighed, shifting closer to you, “Nothing is going to happen”
“You don’t know that” Your voice now broke, and you felt stupid for worrying when you should be happy for them, “I don’t want to lose them…or you. You guys…are the best thing in my life”
“Babe, they haven’t even started dating yet” He chuckled, hand reaching to your chin, “Calm down”
You erased the heart you’d drawn, “Yeah. You probably think I sound dumb as fuck”
“I’d never think that about you” He smiled, “Your concerns are very valid…but I don’t want you to be upset about something that may never even happen”
You sighed, and maybe spending so much time around Felix had made you as dramatic as him, “But what if we have to choose? I don’t want any of them to get hurt”
“Why would we ever have to choose?”
“I don’t know. Like…pick a side between them, if they fight. You know that I can’t choose, I love Yeonjun as much as I love Hana-”
Felix laughed, “God. I love you”
“Don’t laugh at me” You frowned.
“I’m not laughing at you, babe” He smiled, “I just think you’re…making yourself upset for no reason. You love doing that”
You looked up at him, “Lix…”
His voice softened, against the harsh ocean waves, “Nothing is going to happen. Even if it does, you’re not gonna lose us. I’m always going to be here, you know that, right?”
You grabbed his hand, pulling him closer, “What about…when you get a girlfriend?”
Felix laughed, “I doubt that’s going to happen soon, but if I ever have to choose between my girlfriend and you…I’m picking you. It’s not even a question”
A smile made its way onto your face, “Thank you. I would do the same”
The edge of his lip turned up into a grin, “I know you would”
Staring at Felix now, you felt the calm return.
The ocean was beautiful again, the sky was vast, the stars endless, and you felt at ease.
Things would perhaps forever change tonight, your best friends were in love with each other, but maybe everything else would still be the same.
“It’s a good thing, right Lix?” You asked, squeezing his hands so that your nails dug into his soft palms.
He tilt his head, “What is?”
“Love. Them…being in love? It’s a good thing” Your words were low, because you didn’t even really know what you were asking.
“Of course it’s a good thing, but it’s not just about their love. It’s about ours too”
You were confused, “Ours?”
His eyes swirled with intensity, and he swallowed, “Ours, like all of us. You, me…Minho, and them”
“Right”
“What constellation were you telling me about earlier?”
“Cassiopeia?” You questioned.
“Hmm. That” He crawled over to you, “Which one is it?”
You pointed him in the right direction, just over the horizon, where it was visible, “The five stars, it kind of looks like a W”
“Right, and she was some hot Greek chick, right?”
You laughed, “Yeah. She was”
He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close, “Well, she...died like billions of years ago, but she’s still here in the stars, isn’t she?”
“What are you trying to say?”
Felix turned to smile at you, “We’re just like her. The five of us. Five stars. That can’t be a coincidence, can it? We’re not going anywhere, okay?”
Your eyes widened at the sweet metaphor. Yongbok wasn’t one for romance, or anything of the sort, but you knew he meant his words.
He believed them.
And if he did, so would you.
“The five stars” You smiled, feeling your calm return, “Immortal”
He laughed, “Yeah. So don’t worry about us. You need to have more faith in us, Y/N. Things don’t just fall apart so easily, they won’t”
“I know” You laughed, “I guess it’s kind of crazy. They found love so simply”
“You jealous?” He nudged you.
You rolled your eyes, “I wouldn’t even know what to do with love once I found it. All I need right now…is a job this summer, something to do, so I don’t sit at home and waste my youth”
He laughed, “Right, there’s the Y/N I know, only in love with the craft. I’m sure there’ll be a place in town you can work at this summer. Maybe a café , so you can get me free pastries every day”
“Oh. I almost forgot. Are you still hungry?”
“Starving”
“I got you the sandwiches” You reached behind you for the Tupperware container you’d brought out of the beach house.
His eyebrows knitted together, as he stared at the box, “I thought you said the jelly was gone”
You lift the plastic lid, “It was but I crushed up some fruits, and I read online that if you add honey, it tastes just like jam…that’s why it kind of took me longer in there”
Felix doubled over, laughing loudly, “Oh my god. You did that for me at four fucking am?”
“It may not taste the best, but you better enjoy it” You mumbled, shoving the container into his arms.
“I know I will” He smiled, “And don’t worry about them, okay? No matter what happens, you always have me”
“Thank you, Lix. I know"
»»————-
summer now.
It had been years since you’d made each other that promise.
Tonight, it felt futile, as you stared at the myriad of overwhelming text messages he had sent you. You had texted him back, telling him that you weren’t home, but he hadn’t replied since then.
“More beer?”
You looked up, to see Yeonjun stood with another bottle in his hand, a cranberry extract he’d brought straight from his freezer.
You hated beer, but you needed it tonight, so you grabbed it from him. It surprisingly didn’t taste horrible, so you savoured the fruity flavour in your mouth.
“What did you say to him?” He asked, sitting down next to you.
“I told Felix I’m not home…” You spoke, “I asked him if we could talk tomorrow instead? I hope he understands”
“I mean, to Hyunjin” Yeonjun cleared his throat, “You were about to go over to his place, right?”
You glanced up at him, chest wrenching.
Sinking into the cushion, you stared at your phone, “I told him I can’t come either. He…didn’t question it. He probably was expecting me to cancel anyway”
Yeonjun needed you right now, and you couldn’t just abandon him— no matter how much you wanted Hyunjin, no matter how fucking horny you felt after that phone call.
Your legs still felt weak, your heart was still pounding impossibly hard, and your underwear was soaked, but that wasn’t important right now.
Your needs could be saved for another day.
He would understand. Hyunjin would still be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and you could meet him then.
“You really don’t need to stay with me” He spoke, “I feel like an asshole keeping you here”
“Yeonjun. You were crying, at three in the morning. I’m not leaving you alone”
He sighed, taking another sip of the cranberry beer, “Did you tell him why…? I don’t want Hyunjin to hate me”
“And why would Hyunjin ever hate you?” You turned to him, confused. Yeonjun hadn’t done anything wrong.
His eyes were still glossy, fresh tears dried on his face, and you hated the sight of it. He wasn’t an easy crier. In fact, in all your life that you’d known him…you could count the number of times you’d seen him so upset on one hand.
He licked his lips, swallowing, “Because I always keep coming between the two of you”
“Shut up” You scoffed, shoving his shoulder, “You know that’s not true”
He was still serious, despite the fact that you didn’t blame him at all, “Isn’t it? You were literally on your way to see him”
“I can see him tomorrow” You shrugged, trying to maintain a semblance of indifference and nonchalance, convincing yourself that it wasn’t that important. After all, it would be stupid to acknowledge how truly dependent you’d become on Hyunjin for your happiness.
It wasn’t right, and even though seeing him right now felt urgent to your heart, to your body, you would still live another day and the world wouldn’t end if you didn’t meet him right this moment.
“I guess I don’t need to ask why you were on your way to him at three in the morning” He added, a teasing evident in his tone. You looked over to him, the emerging smile on his face and if teasing you was going to make him feel better, then you’d indulge him in it.
You laughed, embarrassed at how you’d been feeling like a fucking horny teenager, “You know Jun…any other day you would be very wrong, but tonight, I have to say it is exactly what you think”
“I thought you two weren’t going to be anything” Yeonjun hummed, stating the obvious fact that you were carefully trying to circumvent.
“We aren’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything” You tongued your cheek, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened.
It started out as just a simple phone call.
How did it escalate to that?
“Right. I’m sure having sex with Hyunjin won’t mean anything to you at all” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “Sounds just like you”
You looked over at him, “Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you can call me out like that”
He laughed, leaning closer, “I’m just saying. He’ll probably be a million times better than the boys you’ve been with. Are you even prepared for that?”
You narrowed your eyes at him, heart jumping at his implication, “You’re supposed to be talking me out of this, not give me more reasons to want to jump him”
Yeonjun laughed louder, “Man. You should enjoy this feeling, while it’s at its peak”
“What feeling?”
“That feeling, you know…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “When you’re falling for someone…and you’re fucking crazy about them, about every little thing they do? I remember, in the beginning, I used to have heart palpitations every time I saw Hana braid her goddamn hair, or something because she looked so adorable”
“What?” You let out a giggle, “I didn’t know you care about stuff like that”
Yeonjun smiled, “I was into everything that was about her, or even remotely related to her. I guess I was obsessed, but I don’t think anything in the universe can top that feeling”
You nodded, and you wondered if you’d ever stop feeling that way about Hyunjin.
It had been months you’d known him, years since you’d first seen him, and your heart still went berserk at the mere thought, “Sometimes when I’m talking to him, it…feels like I have tunnel vision. I can’t see or comprehend anything except him”
“I know what you mean” He smiled.
You swallowed, remembering the reason for Yeonjun’s tears, “I’m sorry…about you and Hana”
“Yeah. I’m sorry too”
You reached over, to grab his hand, “And I’m sorry your heart is broken, and I wish I can take that pain away”
Yeonjun’s smile was sad, in return, “Me too…”
The couch cushions were frayed at the edges, because he hadn’t lived here in a while, and you fiddled with the corners to distract yourself from everything, from his broken heart, from your pining one.
“Did he say anything? Hyunjin?”
You peeked into your phone, to read the new texts, “He said, I got a call from Chan too. I hope Yeonjun feels better”
“Oh”
“Yup” Your fingers wrapped around the ice-cold beer again, and you took a swig, hoping the liquid would be enough to calm the fire in your heart.
“It’s from the 7/11 behind Aera’s” Yeonjun explained, as if he’d read your mind, “You like it?”
“I do” You swallowed, refreshing your phone to see if Felix had said anything yet.
Yeonjun was silent, and he sat like that for a minute, staring into the dark corners of his living room, until he spoke, “Earlier today, I was thinking of the summer me and Hana got together”
“I was thinking about that summer too” You mumbled, “Can you believe it was almost…six years ago?”
“Six years?” He laughed, “That’s insane”
“It is. It feels like yesterday”
“I told her I loved her that summer for the first time… and six fucking years later, it’s not enough. You’d think the person you love for six years, you’d stay with them forever”
“I know...” You realised.
“What did he say…when you told him you can’t come? Felix?”
Perhaps, on another day, you would find it funny that Yeonjun had to keep clarifying which boy he was referring to, as if you had a carousel of boys in your life to keep you busy.
You sucked in a breath, “He didn’t say anything. I just...don’t understand what happened between us. One day we were fine, the next he hated my guts. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to him, my own best friend”
“The only thing between you and Felix…is Felix himself. It’s not your fault”
You laughed, realising the situation, “I’m sorry, this is so…typical of me. I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around”
“That goes both ways” He hummed, and you looked over at him.
He looked exhausted, sat with his legs curled, dressed in silly panda pajamas. It remind you of high school, when you used to study together; you would help him with literature so he could help you survive math.
You used to sit right on this very couch, frustrated with the books, wishing everything in life was as easy as painting.
Even though as of late, you’d contemplated why everything seemed to be against you, you realised how blessed you were to know him.
He looked so different from the boy you’d grown up with, yet still somehow the same.
Yeonjun was only twenty-two, but he’d just lost the love of his life, and you could see that in his gaze.
It resembled yours, the night you lost the apprenticeship.
Maybe that was an insensitive comparison. After all, a lover couldn’t ever compare to a temporary two-year art mentorship, could it?
Yet, your craft was the one thing in your life that you know you’d have, even after he left. That would still be the same.
Yeonjun had the hint of a smile on his face as he watched you finish the beer, and he was so handsome when he smiled, but…the crinkles in his eyes were strained, forced.
He was only smiling so you wouldn’t worry about him.
“Why do you we put ourselves through this?” You blurted, the effects of the beer settling in.
He tilt his head, “Through what? Feelings?”
You chuckled, staring at him and the spots that dotted his cheek, “Yeah. Feelings”
“At least we have each other” He laughed, “I’m really glad you exist, Y/N”
You wanted to stop moping, and to just appreciate what you had.
You shifted closer to him, so that your bodies would touch, and you wouldn’t both be alone right now, “I’m glad you exist too, Jun”
He immediately wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him.
It was always better to be alone together.
The television was right in front of you, and the shelves framing it were stocked with old VCRs, and tapes and movies.
“Remember when there were five of us on this couch…and there was absolutely no space for anyone, but we would watch Say Anything over and over again?” You laughed, thinking back to all the sleepovers.
You’d spent so much of your childhood here, in this room as Yeonjun’s mum baked you treats. Tonight seemed to be a night of remembering, and of nostalgia, and your mind felt clearer than it had in hours.
Maybe it was Yeonjun’s arm around you, maybe it was the memory of Hyunjin’s voice in your head, or maybe it was the fact that Felix had finally reached out to talk.
You wonder what he had to say, but regardless, that was a problem the you-from-tomorrow would worry about.
You-of-tonight would just let this night be, and not try to make of it more than it was.
“Do you wanna watch it?”
You glanced at him, “Just the two of us?”
He nodded, “Yeah”
It was well past three am, and starting a movie right now would mean that you both wouldn’t get any sleep, but that was okay, and some sleepless nights were worth it.
You had work in the morning, but Yeonjun wasn’t here for long so you had to make the most of those moments. This might be exactly what he needed, to feel better.
“All right” You agreed, “Let’s watch it”
He got off the couch, stretching his lanky panda-pajama legs out. He wandered over to his cabinet, filtering through the box of CDs. You hadn’t used those in forever, far too used to the Netflix you shared with Yongbok, but perhaps bringing everything back to as it was, is what would make everything better.
“What do you think he wanted to talk to me about?” You wondered out loud, tracing the rim of your new beer bottle.
Yeonjun was sat on his knees as he searched for the movie, “Honestly?”
“Yeah”
He stared off into space, hands paused in his work, “Felix…would do anything for you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to apologise now”
You nodded, taking another sip of the cheap cranberry-extract beverage.
“I made a promise to him, when we were fifteen… that I wouldn’t let anything come in between us. Do you think he blames me for what’s happening to us?”
Yeonjun glanced at you, soft gaze, before turning back to the wooden box, “He could never blame you for anything, Y/N”
You sighed, “Yeah”
“Do you need help?” You realised, as Yeonjun frowned.
“Could you check the other box?”
You nodded, joining him on the wool carpet, rummaging through the box his sister had labelled.
“I swear, Yuqi needs to have a better organisation system in place” He mumbled.
“I miss her” You laughed, “How is everything with her?”
“She’s actually visiting soon, especially when I told her I was back in Daejon for a while” He smiled, “She’s almost done with her studies”
“That’s crazy” You laughed, “Is she gonna work in Busan too or will she move back here?”
Yeonjun hummed, “You can ask her all of that when she comes. I really do not want to discuss my sister right now”
You laughed, flitting through the various discs.
“Found it!” You declared, bringing out the DVD and handing it to him, “Will it still work?”
“I have faith it will” He got up on his knees, inserting it into the player, “Does Felix know you’re at my place?”
You shook your head, “He would freak”
He seemed to be pondering over it, “You could…call him here”
You blanked, “What? You…two haven’t talked in months. I don’t think he’d come here, even if I called him”
“Say Anything was his favourite film. Tell him we’re watching that”
You laughed, because the idea was so ridiculous, “You think Felix would put aside all of his animosity towards you…because we’re watching his favourite movie?”
Yeonjun nodded, “It sounds exactly like him”
You chuckled, “Yeah… you’re right”
You sent him a text.
im watching say anything…
If you wanna come?
felix:
i thought you said you’re not home
you:
im not
im with yeonjun
we’re gonna watch it together
felix:
you’re at yeonjun’s house??
you:
yeah
we can talk about whatever it is you wanted to discuss here
felix:
sorry yn
im gonna pass
you:
seriously?
im trying here lix
felix:
trying what exactly?
you:
i thought we agreed not to let anything get in between us
or do you not remember that summer?
felix:
out of the two of us, i don’t think im the one that doesn’t remember that summer
ill see you later yn
you:
sometimes youre being impossible and i don’t know what you want
felix:
maybe it’s better you don’t
“Any luck?” Yeonjun asked, and you glanced up at him, disappointed.
“Nope”
He let out a sigh, taking a seat back onto the couch, and you joined him. The disc player made a lot of noise as it started up, and you feared it may not work from years of no use, but the screen lit up.
Perhaps the reason you liked this movie was because it was so simple.
It was about an impossible love, made possible, against all odds.
You settled into Yeonjun’s shoulder as it started.
It didn't feel the same without them. There were silly parts that Felix would always laugh at, jokes that weren’t even funny, and Hana would always be pointing out the inaccuracies in the movie, to Minho’s joy.
It wasn’t the same.
Everything had changed.
Would things be different today, if you’d thought with your head instead of your heart?
Or would everything still be the same?
“Do you believe in fate?”
He glanced at you, new bottle of beer balanced in his lap, that he’d took from the icebox near his feet, “Hmm?”
It felt sad, just the two of you, drinking away, at what should be the peak of your lives.
“You know…the notion that there’s a path our lives are supposed to be on, and that every choice or decision we make just takes us there”
“I don’t know, Y/N. Doesn’t that mean we have no free will? That everything is already chosen for us?”
“I guess” You shrugged, reaching for the bottle between his thighs. He let you, and you brought it up to take another sip.
“What? Do you think it’s fate we broke up?” He laughed, “Me and her?”
You shrugged, “No, I guess I’m just thinking if I made the right choices this summer”
“What do you mean?” He turned to you, seemingly having lost interest in watching the movie anymore.
You picked at the fabric of the couch, “I loved how things used to be. Still, I was fighting it for the longest time because I so badly wanted everything to change too. I wanted to move out. I wanted Felix to support that. I wanted Hana to not be heartbroken anymore. I wanted us all to…stay in touch, no matter what, but now I wonder if wanting all of that is futile. I can’t have all of it. Isn’t that too greedy of me?”
“Y/N…” Yeonjun spoke, “It’s okay to hold on to the things we love, even if you want your life to change. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wishing that”
You bit your lip, “Because now I really wish Lix were here…I made a promise to him that I’d never let anything come in between us”
“You were fifteen. I made a lot of promises to Hana too, which obviously aren’t true anymore… but that doesn’t mean I was lying when I made them. People change, and priorities change. It’s not set in stone”
You nodded, “I guess promises when made, are just hope that even if everything in the world changes, you’ll still hold on to that person”
“Yeah”
“Tonight at the pool, before the dinner party, Hyunjin said that he would finally tell me what was going on, with Jisung, with the media, and why he’s been so stressed the last couple of week. I wanted to ask him so many tim-”
Yeonjun turned to you, “Did you just say Jisung?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“Um. Nothing. I just…heard about him…on the news”
You sat up at those words, turning to face him, “What did you hear?”
He sighed, “You really want me to tell you? It might be better if Hyunjin does. I don’t know the whole extent of things”
A wave of worry washed over you. Was the situation really so bad that Yeonjun, a person who didn’t even keep up with such news, had already heard about it?
You settled back down, because there was no point stressing over it now, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, first thing. I hope Jisung is okay”
“How is his band anyway?”
“You haven’t heard their music yet?”
He shrugged, “On the radio, a couple of times”
“What? They play his band on the radio?”
Yeonjun glanced at you, smiling, “Yeah. Sometimes when I’m browsing the television, their videos also come up. Their sound is really fucking cool”
“That’s crazy” You realised, “I think I’d lose it if I heard Hyunjin’s voice on the radio. I’d...probably think it was fate or something”
“I have no doubt that you would” He laughed.
“I haven’t heard all their albums” You admitted, “Does that make a bad friend?”
“Depends” He shrugged, “Why haven’t you heard it?”
You fiddled with the blanket in your lap, “If I hear all their music, and his voice when he sings…I might fall even crazier in love, and that’s just…avoidable”
Yeonjun smiled, eyes crinkling, “Why…why don’t you tell him, Y/N?”
“Tell him what? That I haven’t heard all of his music? He’d hate me-”
“That you’re in love with him”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because if he knows you love him, it might change everything”
You swallowed, “It won’t change the fact that he is who he is, and that his life is the way it is”
“No, but listen to me, Y/N. Love is a…it’s a huge fucking thing. It might change everything, if he knows what you feel for him, the true magnitude of it. He might reconsider his never-dating-anybody theory”
You stared at Yeonjun as he spoke, unable to even imagine or comprehend how Hyunjin could react to such knowledge.
To be told that someone was in love with you.
How would you react to something like that?
You’d never been in that position before, not romantically anyway, and maybe Yeonjun was right. It would change things. How could it not?
“I’ll…think about it”
“Sometimes, the things that can make the most difference in our lives, is the stuff that we don’t say”
“God. You’re like…a complete self-help book speaking at this point, you know that?”
Yeonjun rolled his eyes, poking you, “If someone told you they loved you, wouldn’t that change everything?”
“It’s hard to imagine. Maybe you’re right”
“When is he going back to the city?” Yeonjun asked, the one topic you’d been avoiding forever.
Your heart stung at the reminder.
He was going to leave, eventually.
“Not till the end of summer, which is still a month away, so...I have time”
But he would leave.
“He’s going back in a month? Fuck, that’s...not much”
“Yeah” You nodded, “I’m trying not to think about that. It’s...too soon, it’s going to go away in the blink of an eye. I don’t really wanna think about how I'll feel the day he leaves”
“I understand”
“I’ve gotten so used to him, and being around him, it feels...natural, and after tonight- we’re only getting closer”
Yeonjun smiled, “Maybe one more month with you, and Hyunjin may just change his mind”
You rolled your eyes, “It’s impossible”
He sighed, wrapping his arm around you again, “Guess what? Last week, at work, one of the HR interns…she asked me out on a date”
“What?” You laughed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“There was nothing to tell. She’s cute, well I don’t even know her, but I think I’m gonna take her out next week”
“You are?” You giggled, shifting closer.
He smiled, waving his hands about, “It’s time for me to finally branch out. To move on”
“I can’t believe all of this started from Hana wanting to move on, the beginning of this summer” You remembered.
Yeonjun glanced at you, “So then technically, you have me to thank for bringing Hyunjin into your life”
You laughed loudly, “God, yeah, I guess that is it. You’re responsible”
He grinned, pulling at your cheek, “I guess fate does exist”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. If me and Hana had to be over so that you could find the love of your life, I’d say it was pretty fucking worth it”
You rolled your eyes, “And why can’t the both of us…be happy? Is fate so cruel to deny you your one true love?”
Yeonjun turned to smile at you, a glint in his eye, “Well. Maybe… the cute intern from HR is the love of my life”
»»————-
The loudness of The Grove did nothing to ease your headache. It was just a little past six am, but the diner was in full swing, and customers filtered in and out of the joint, grabbing their usual breakfast waffles and chocolate milkshakes.
“Give me just two more minutes, Y/N!” Seonmi yelled, over the counter, as she sped through making the quickest caramel macchiato you’d ever seen.
“Of course” You responded, balancing your bag on the counter as she cycled through the customers. You’d hardly slept last night, not even having the energy to finish the film, and you and Yeonjun had fallen asleep on the living room couch as the credits rolled.
You had been woken up by your very loud alarm, and you’d apologised to him for it, somehow forgetting that today was a work day, and that you’d have to leave at dawn.
Glancing around the diner, you noticed some familiar faces from the Lakehouse party, people you remember seeing through your blur of tears. San and Seonghwa knew a lot of people, but you hadn’t expected to see them around town so soon.
One of the boys made eye contact with you, and you looked away, hoping none of them remembered the harsh fight you’d had with Hana.
They probably heard everything.
Not that you cared what they thought of you, you just wish you could go back to that night and erase the argument, for your own sake.
“Okay, I can take your order now!” Seonmi squealed, stepping up to you, bouncing on the balls of her feet.
You tugged the earphones out of your ears, smiling at her, “Can you take a breather for me?”
Her eyes widened, in perplexed cuteness, “What do you mean?”
“You seem so stressed and the day hasn’t even started yet” You grabbed her hand over the counter, squeezing it, “Don’t forget to breathe”
Her lips tugged up, “Thank you, Y/N. You know how it gets sometimes, there’s a rush this morning and I don’t even know why”
“Well, I don’t know how it gets since I don’t work in the most popular diner in town” You teased her, as she smiled, “Something tells me a lot of people come here for the cute waitress”
She let out a giggle, “Thank you. What can I get you, though?”
“The regular would do” You told her, playing with the little tabletop jukebox, “Whipped cream too, please”
“Of course” She smiled, getting back into the meld of things, and you took a temporary seat at the barstool, as she made your drink.
“Those people…do you know them?” You asked her, glancing over at the group.
She looked up momentarily, “The ones from San’s party?”
“Mmh”
“They’re older than me, so I don’t really hang with them much. I think most of them are only here for the summer”
“Really?”
Seonmi nodded, as she piped whipped cream onto your hot latte, “Jiho’s from Seoul, and Alexander, he’s visiting from up in Incheon”
It seemed like everyone your age who was born here, had since moved out of Daejon, in pursuit of happiness, and better things.
“Ah, I see” You bit your lip, even though you didn’t know who Jiho was or who Alexander was.
“Why do you ask?”
“They were looking at me earlier, and I think I saw them playing beer pong at the Lakehouse. Just wondering” You shrugged, as Seonmi reached over, handing you your cup.
“Ah, probably because of Hyunjin” She giggled.
“What do you mean?” You tilt your head, a soft smile fighting you just because hearing his name made your heart pound like crazy, even at six am on a work day.
“You know…” She glanced up at you, while wiping the counter clean, “You and him are always together…people are talking”
You sat up straight, “About… us?”
She nodded, “Don’t worry about it though, the people of Daejon always need something to talk about. They’ll move on soon”
Even though you hated town gossip and rumours, the idea that people associated you and Hyunjin with each other made your heart warm. You’d never thought something that bizarre could happen, but hearing his name with yours made it all the more real.
You smiled, flushing at just the thought of him, “Um…did he come by earlier this morning?”
Seonmi had moved on to her next order, hurriedly adding caramel to a drink, “Hyunjin? Nope”
You frowned, “He usually comes by though, right?”
She nodded, “Without fail, every morning…he’s here. Kind of gives me something to look forward to, if I’m being honest”
“Yeah?”
Seonmi paused in her work look at you, “Yeah. He’s always so…kind. It’s like within the flurry of customers, he’s the only patient one. Plus, he’s a sight for sore eyes on morning shifts”
You chuckled, “I didn’t know he’s here that often”
“Oh, he is. I guess Hyunjin can’t live without his coffee either” She shrugged, and then suddenly lit up as if remembering something, “Oh! The other day, you should’ve seen him, Y/N, he was so cute. He spent the entire day here, just reading this book he’s carrying around, and wow…everybody was asking about him, about the quiet, pretty boy in the corner”
Just hearing Seonmi describe him made your heart flutter, because you could picture it so perfectly in your head, even though a part of you was also envious that she got to see him like that, instead of you.
“When was that?”
“A couple of days ago” She scribbled an order for another customer, “I wanted to ask him what book he was reading, but I was really nervous”
You laughed, “Why were you nervous?”
“He’s…intimidating, and I didn’t wanna bother him. But you two are close, maybe you can ask him for me”
Close couldn’t even begin to describe it, but how else would you explain what you two had?
“Yeah, we’re…close”
“Kinda weird he isn’t here today” She added, “But you can always bring him coffee… Maybe he’s busy, or slept in late”
You hadn’t even thought of that, “I could?”
She laughed, “I mean you two are practically dating, aren’t you?”
The warmth faded, and you shook your head, “No of course not, we’re …friends”
Of all the things going on in his life, he couldn’t afford to get into a dating scandal right now, especially because of you.
“Right” She rolled her eyes, “You should still bring your hot friend a coffee”
“You think so?” The idea of bringing it to him made you giddy, because you could imagine his smile, and it would be such a great start to your day - making him happy.
“Of course. He gets the same order as yours anyway, I’ll just add another to your tab”
“Okay” You agreed, and pulled out your phone.
You hadn’t talked to him since last night.
Since…that phone call.
The memory made you red and hot all over, and you opened up his texts. You weren’t sure how to even start, but perhaps you wouldn’t overthink it.
It was obvious to him how you felt, especially after that conversation, and you would just be yourself now.
There was only a month. There was no time to shy away from what you truly wanted.
No more holding back, or second-guessing.
you:
good morning hyun
are you home ?
His reply was instant, meaning he was awake and okay, and you leaned on the counter, waiting for him to type out his answer.
hyun:
morning yn :)
yes i am
where else would i be at six am ?
you:
idk haha
im at the diner
are you coming here ?
i was thinking i could, like meet you before work
hyun:
oh
im sorry
i don’t think i can
you:
is everything all right?
hyun:
i think i might be sick :/
you:
what??
what’s wrong?
hyun:
haha its nothing…
just my head hurts like a bitch
ive been up all night
You frowned, heart clenching at the thought of him being in pain.
“Here’s your coffee, love” Seonmi interrupted, placing a to-go cup in front of you, “Well…Hyunjin’s coffee”
“Actually…could I get some peppermint tea instead?” You asked, and she stared at you like you were crazy.
“You’re asking for tea?”
“Hyun is feeling sick” You told her, and just the words felt bitter in your mouth.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know, he didn’t say much, just that his head hurts” You frowned.
“Oh” She pouted, “Of course. I’ll get you some right now, but it might get cold by the time you get it to him. Maybe the caffeine will help more?”
“You’re right” You stared at the coffee.
“Hey” She laughed, reaching forward to grab your hand, “Now you’re the one who looks stressed”
“I am… just worried about him”
“He’ll be fine. It’s only a headache” She hummed, returning to her chores, then teased, “Just friends, you say”
It was your turn to roll your eyes, “Friends can be worried, too”
“I know” She laughed, “It’s funny cause Eunbi keeps saying the same thing to me about her boy. Just friends”
“Who’s Eunbi dating?” You questioned, hoping some town gossip would distract you from Hyunjin being unwell.
Seonmi glanced up at you, lowering her voice so the other patrons wouldn’t hear, “Oh, they’re not dating. Just fucking”
“I didn’t know Eunbi is into that kind of situation” You noted, grabbing Hyunjin’s coffee in your hands.
“Yeah! I honestly didn’t think Felix would be either but like…they’re both hot, so I completely get it”
“What?” You looked up, stopping in your movement.
She flippantly glanced at you, “Yeah…her and Felix”
“Wait…what?”
She chuckled, “They’re fucking…I just told you. You didn’t know?”
“No…” You trailed off.
Is that what Felix wanted to talk to you about?
She stared at you, realisation dawning on her face, “Oh. I thought everybody knew”
“I didn’t” You stated, perhaps too harshly.
“Fuck. You’re…not in love with him or anything, right?”
“What?”
She shrugged, “I mean…you two have been…you know…best friends since-”
You frowned, grabbing your bag off the counter, “No. I’m just taken aback…”
“You sure?” Seonmi frowned, eyebrows knitting together.
You stared at her, “Yeah. I’m sure”
“Well, I’m sure he was gonna tell you soon. Maybe he just forgot”
“Yeah. We’re not really talking right now” You mumbled.
She nodded, “Ah. Eunbi mentioned that. Your fights”
“She knows about that…?”
She shrugged, knowingly, “Yongbok told her”
You squeezed the coffee cup in your hands, a bitter taste in your mouth but you didn’t have time to dwell on this right now, Hyunjin needed you, “I…um, I better get this coffee to him before it gets cold”
»»————-
It had only been a few minutes since you knocked at his front door, the floral wreath hung on the front shaking every time you did so, but nobody had come to the door yet.
You should be patient and wait a bit more.
But your mind assumed the worst, like what if Hyunjin passed out…or fell so sick he couldn’t get out of bed?
You had half a mind to bring out your phone to ask him where he was because he said he’d be home, but your hands were unfortunately occupied by the coffee.
The revelation from the diner was still bothering you, but now, you had more important things to worry about.
“Hyun?” You called out loud, in the hope that maybe if he didn’t hear the knocking, he’d hear your voice.
In response though, you heard a bark, making you jump out of your skin.
Kkami.
He was nearby, and you stepped off Hyunjin’s porch, following the sound of his puppy’s excited mewling and barks.
“Kkami?” You asked, tentatively, peeking around the side of his house.
You don’t know how you hadn’t noticed this before.
A little metal gate, rusted, led to a back garden.
The path was surrounded on either side by overgrown vines and flowers.
You hadn’t ever come here before.
Well, technically you’d only been to Hyun’s house once and hadn’t seen anything except his bedroom. The memory made you warm, and you relived it in your head as you pushed open the rusted garden gate.
The path ran along the side of Hyunjin’s house, and stepping over the pebbles, you passed the windows of his kitchen and living room.
You were trespassing, technically, but he would understand, right?
“Kkami…?” You called out again, emerging into the back garden, when the little ball of fluff ran head-on towards you, jumping at your body with enough force, catching you off guard.
The surprise knocked you and the coffee to the ground, and the cup overturned, spilling all over your top.
“Ow” You mumbled, hitting the grass, as Kkami began licking your hand, and the coffee soaked all the way through your shirt.
It was already cold by now, so it didn’t burn. Still, frustration coursed through you because you’d carefully sought this coffee for him, and now you wouldn’t even be able to give it to him.
“Oh my god” Hyunjin’s voice interrupted your short-lived misery, and you looked up, an impossible frown on your face.
A frown that melted immediately, with the sight that you were greeted.
Hyunjin.
He sat cross-legged on the grass, across the garden, a soft white sweatshirt enveloping him.
A paper-thin novel was held between his hands, glasses pushed up to his hair, and you had half a mind to question just why Hyunjin was up at six am on a weekend, and reading a goddamn poetry book, but that wasn’t the craziest thing about him today.
His hair.
Wispy bangs fell into his eyes, the color of fucking chocolate.
What the fuck?
Your annoyance at Kkami was forgotten, and so was any semblance of a thought you had in your head. Talk about a fucking cliche.
“Y/N…” He immediately stood up, placing his book to the side, face-down on the grass, and you worried that the pages would get wet, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to care about that right now.
He rushed to you, bending down to your height, “I’m sorry, Kkami. He…”
Carefully, he pried the puppy away from you, telling him to go sit in a hushed whisper, before he turned back to face you.
You felt silly, sat on the grass on your butt, with just your palms supporting you, coffee soaking through your work clothes, staring at him.
Had his eyes always been that pretty?
The light-brown hair brought out the hazel in his eyes, which seemed even brighter now, and every romance book you’d heard Hana talk about suddenly made all the sense in the world, as you felt yourself get sucked into the depth of his gaze.
“You okay?” He tilt his head, the movement making his bangs shift, and you noticed that the side strands were longer, framing his face perfectly.
His brows were darker now too, to match the hair, and just when you thought you couldn’t go absolutely insane about him anymore, he’d prove you wrong by doing something like this.
His lips, puffier than usual, curled up into a smile when he noticed you staring so blatantly.
“Yeah” You cleared your throat, “You…you said you were sick”
So he just forgot to tell you this morning that he’d completely changed his hair?
“I am” He chuckled, then his gaze fell to your top, “You’ve got coffee on you”
“Oh” You glanced down at it, and you didn’t feel anything, or maybe you were too enamored by the boy to feel any pain.
He must be a fucking siren, or a creature of some sort to have this sort of effect on you, even after all this while. Everything you’d been worrying about seemed like a distant memory, a problem you didn’t have to deal with, and all he’d done was say five words to you.
“Are you hurt? I’m sorry about your coffee…Kkami is misbehaving a lot-”
“It’s actually your coffee” You stated, looking back up at him, finally finding your bearing on coherent words and sentences, “Well…was your coffee”
“Mine?” He smiled, “You brought that for me?”
You nodded and added, stupidly, “I…was at your front door, but you weren’t there, so I…came in through the metal gate”
“Yeah. I was here” He explained, even though it was obvious, “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”
You nodded, reassuring him, “I’m okay, but…if you’re sick, why are you out here?
“I needed some fresh air. My head…” He grimaced as another bout of pain hit him.
Without thinking, you reached forward, caressing his face, and Hyunjin was taken aback, just slightly.
Your voice was low, soft, “It hurts?”
His eyes fixed onto yours, as your fingers trailed down his jaw, “Yeah”
“I’m sorry” You spoke, “Where does it hurt?”
He grabbed your hand within his, long fingers wrapping around your wrist, and guided it to just above his eyes, brushing past his bangs, “Right here, but…don’t worry about me”
“Let me take care of you” You blurted, touching him delicately.
His eyes closed, and he smiled, relishing in the feeling, “I need to get you out of these clothes first”
“What?”
His eyes shot open, realisation sinking in, “I mean…the coffee. You have to change”
“Oh, okay”
“Come on” He gestured, helping you stand up, with your unsteady feet. The cup of coffee lay upturned on the grass, along with your bag. Hyunjin held your hand in his own, and bent down to pick up your bag with his other. He slung it over his shoulder, tugging the strap tightly.
You looked around the back garden, and it was so beautiful that you had to do a double take just to take everything in.
“It’s amazing” You breathed, watching Kkami play in the grass, tossing and turning around. Your gaze fell to the book that lay open on the grass, and Seonmi’s words came to mind, “What were you reading?”
“I can tell you that later, when you’re warm and dry” He chuckled, then touched your lower back to guide you into the house, “Come”
You nodded, his touch sending a tingle down your spine, but let him lead you into his house.
It was crazy, that just yesterday you were so bold, talking about the things you wanted him to do to you, and now…now you were going into overdrive just at his hand on your back.
You craned to look at him, “Are you in a lot of pain?”
He shook his head, “I’ll be fine”
There was another entrance at the back of the house, sliding doors opening up to reveal his living area, warm wooden floors and cosy seating. Kkami ran in just after the two of you, jumping around the futon.
“Do you want to wear something of mine?” Hyunjin asked, leading you to his bedroom. You’d been so lost in him that you’d forgotten what you were doing here.
You had initially been on your way to work.
“I have…a hoodie in my bag. An extra one” You told him, “I brought it in case it gets cold”
He stopped at the threshold of his doorway, looking at you, “Well, that’s perfect then”
“Yeah” You nodded, “Can I change in your bathroom?”
“Of course” He smiled, and you stepped inside.
Being back here after all this time, was strange.
His bed was exactly the same kind of messy, but covers and duvets now switched out for a sky-blue color, and his pillows were lined up against the wall.
It made you want to lie down, since you were severely lacking sleep, but you had work, and this bed wouldn’t probably be big enough for the two of you.
The thought was ridiculous anyway, but it left you wondering.
Last night, you were on your way here in your lustful daze, and if Yeonjun hadn’t been heartbroken, you would have come here.
The canvases leaning against the far wall were new; you could tell he’d been working on so much art in your absence. Paint canisters were haphazardly placed across the floor, and you carefully walked amongst them, hoping to not knock over any.
Pushing open the door to his bathroom, you placed your bag on the counter, searching through for your hoodie.
Hyunjin leaned on the doorway, watching you, peacefully. He must be in more pain than he let on, because he was hardly saying anything.
You glanced at him, eyebrow raised, “Are you… going to stay here while I change?”
He laughed, “No, I…I’m just…Never mind”
He turned around, giving you the privacy you needed.
You peeled off your tank top, scrunching it up over the sink to squeeze the liquid out, and you both didn’t address the fact that you hadn’t closed the door, instead letting Hyunjin stand facing the other way.
If he turned, he would see you in just your bra, but you honestly didn’t even mind, or care.
Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you wiped the sticky coffee from your forearms.
“I’m sorry about Kkami” He spoke again, and you glanced at his back. It was cute, how he stood facing the other way, arms crossed, like a kid on a timeout. His hair grazed just past his shoulders, the chocolate brown contrasting perfectly with his sweatshirt.
“It’s all right” You smiled, running the shirt under water.
“Are you dressed?” He asked.
“Not yet” You told him, pushing your arms through your spare sweatshirt, “I’m… really upset”
“Why?” He asked, surprise in his tone.
“The hot drink…it was supposed to make you feel better” You frowned. “Now I don’t have anything to give you”
“That’s okay” He laughed, “I already feel better”
“Your head doesn’t hurt anymore?” You asked, looking over at him.
“No, it does hurt but some sleep will make me feel better” He laughed, “Are you dressed now?”
You glanced at him, a soft smile overtaking you, “No”
Hyunjin nodded, a small ‘Okay’ leaving his lips.
You laughed, pushing your sweatshirt down to cover up, “Why are you so impatient? But yeah, I am dressed now”
He immediately turned around at those words, and pulled you in for a hug, like he’d been counting down the seconds till you could be in his arms. You stumbled into his embrace, surprised at his urgency.
“Thank you for coming to see me, Y/N” He mumbled, face buried in your hair, and you brought your hands up, wrapping your arms around his waist.
“You don’t have to thank me” You smiled, dying but living for the warmth of his body.
He squeezed you in his embrace, “I do”
It was a simple hug. It felt so innocent, so tame, so mild compared to last night, yet the carnal desire you felt for him was just the same, if not more now.
How could Hyunjin be more desirable when he wasn’t even trying to be?
All he was doing was hugging you in his little bathroom, surrounded by potted plants, and fragrances, and candles, and they were all so him.
Pulling away, you looked up, noticing the puffiness of his eyes, “You look so tired”
“I had a stressful night…after you told me you couldn’t come” He explained, “I ended up calling Chan, and we talked up until five”
“Five am? So…you haven’t slept at all?”
He nodded, a forced smile as he shrugged, “Guilty”
“Hyun…” You frowned, “You need to get some sleep, now”
He sighed, “Now? I’ll end up sleeping through the day if I do, and I…don’t want to waste any time”
“Waste?” You questioned, “It’s not waste. You’re…just sleeping”
“Yeah” He swallowed, “But…”
“But?”
“But you won’t be here” He finished, “And I would much rather…spend time with you. I know you have work today, I was thinking I could come in to the shop. I promise I won’t distract you, I could sit and read. You won’t even know I’m there. Or I could paint”
You couldn’t help but smile, heart swelling at his eagerness, “If you’re there…I won’t be focusing on my work, Hyun”
He shook his head, as if he’d already prepared the answer, “Then I can sit in the back room. You won’t know I’m there”
You giggled, “Then what’s the point?”
He tilt his head, “The point is… that I’ll be close to you”
Your smile grew, and you tightened your grip on his waist, “You…changed your hair”
His eyes widened, “Yeah. I did. Took you long enough to notice”
“I noticed it the second I saw you. I just-”
“You didn’t say anything” He interrupted.
Your gaze followed the light-brown tendrils as they grazed his jaw, “I don’t even know what to say”
“You hate it?” His smile fell.
You shook your head instantly, “No. It’s…It… reminds me of chocolate”
His lip tilted up, “Good enough to eat?”
You laughed, letting go of his waist, “I take the flirting as a sign that you’re feeling better”
“Mmh”
“You still need to get in bed”
“Are you gonna show me how much you like it in bed?” He asked, and you laughed.
“Shut up” You pushed him, lightly, “It’s unlike you to ask for validation”
“It’s unlike you to be so flippant to me” He pouted, walking back into his room.
It was hot inside so he pulled off his sweatshirt, revealing the tight black t-shirt he wore inside. The neckline dipped low enough to reveal his collarbones, and it was different from the more oversized shirts he usually wore. He stretched his arms, a small yawn escaping.
“I…have to get to work” You realised, “I’m gonna make you some coffee first though, is that okay?”
He glanced at you, in surprise, “You don’t have to”
“Caffeine will help with the pain”
He shook his head, “I promise I’ll take a nap after you leave”
“Okay” You nodded, grabbing your bag, “I’ll…get going then”
You passed him to leave, but he reached out, tugging at your tote bag to stop you.
You looked at him, “What, Hyun?”
“Aera’s doesn’t open until another forty two minutes, and it’ll only take you eight to get there” He hummed matter-of-factly, with the convincing powers and puppy-eyed gaze of a kid who wanted to go to Disney.
“What’s gotten into you?” You laughed, but let him take your bag, indulging him in his little request. He was right, after all.
You had to make the most of your time with him, even if it were stolen little moments like this.
You leaned against the bedroom door, eyeing him up, as he put your bag to the side, and he clearly didn’t plan on letting you leave anytime soon.
He bent down to gather the stray paintbrushes on the floor, “I just felt like spending some time with you. Is that so wrong?”
You smiled, looking around the room, “Why is all your shit everywhere?”
He glanced up at you, “I paint when I’m stressed”
“Oh” You recalled, “You were painting last night when you called me”
“I was” He hummed, “When do you get off work?”
“Couple of hours”
“You don’t work Saturdays, usually”
“You have my schedule memorised?” You raised your eyebrow, wanting to tease.
“It’s not that hard” He rolled his eyes, “You work alternate days”
“Right”
He kneeled onto the floor, pulling out a wooden basket from underneath his bed, placing paint tubes inside it.
You weren’t sure what to do as he started packing his art supplies.
He wasn’t even saying much, as you stood leaning against the door, observing him, recognising the tune he hummed to himself.
He bent over, and whenever he did his shirt would fall forward, allowing you a glimpse of his chest.
Every time you met, you pushed another boundary, crossed another threshold, and after he talked about fucking you last night, you obviously weren’t just friends anymore.
The energy felt...so different, but it was never uncomfortable.
3 a.m. Hyunjin was a stark contrast from 7 a.m. Hyunjin, and...you loved both.
It felt so strangely calm, so domestic, so heartwarming.
It was seven am on a regular Saturday morning, and you were in Hyunjin’s bedroom, as he cleaned up.
A pink tube then slipped from his hands, rolling under the bed, and he cursed, “Shit”
“Let me” You offered, kneeling to join him on the floor. You stretched to reach for the watercolour tube, and underneath his bed were discarded hairbands, pencils, and a bag of treats for Kkami. Cute.
After retrieving it, Hyunjin smiled at you, whispering a ‘Thank you’ as he placed it inside the original packing.
“One day you should really let me organise your art supplies”
He tilt his head, “Can that day be today?”
You laughed, “I told you. I have to go to work”
He shrugged, “Skip it”
“Oh, will you start paying my bills when I eventually get fired from Aera’s for slacking?”
“Yeah I will” He said, without hesitation.
Your eyebrows shot up, “Shut up, Hyun”
“Shut up?” He gasped, “Can’t believe you’re being so mean to a sick boy”
“Oh” You realised, reaching forward to cup his cheek, “It still hurts a lot?”
He smiled, leaning into your touch, “Less when you’re here”
You dropped your hand, heart clenching, “I wish I could stay then”
“But you don’t work Saturdays, so why today?”
“Mina wanted me to help with the stock…we have some new supplies coming in, and just needed to get my mind off something
“Something like what?”
“You don’t have to worry about it, Hyun”
“Maybe I could get your mind off it”
You crossed your arms, “What if you’re the thing I need to get my mind off?”
He frowned, “Did I do something wrong?”
You laughed, “No, don’t worry about that”
He closed the wooden lid, gripping the box, “Last night…You said Yeonjun wasn’t feeling all right. Is he okay now?”
“It’ll take time. He’s just having a hard time, with Hana”
“Oh”
You shrugged, “Love sucks, I guess”
He laughed, “You got that right”
You sat back on your ankles, looking around the room, “What was the book you were reading?”
“Oh. I left it out in the garden. Could you get it for me?
"Yeah, once you tell me what it’s about”
Hyunjin smiled, pushing the box back under his bed, “It’s about fate”
You slid open the doors to the back garden, cold morning air rushing in. Plants of all kinds grew alongside the wooden fence. You wonder if it was him, or his aunt who had planted them.
Picking up the book, you saw the page it was open to had been creased.
Hyunjin had marked some pages, left little notes, annotating it, and he must have read through it countless times, so you asked him about it when you came back, “So why are you reading a book about fate this early in the day?”
Hyunjin was still sat on the floor, except his head was buried in his hands, “Fuck. I really shouldn’t have stayed up”
You immediately abandoned the book, stepping up to him, “Hyun. What’s wrong?”
He mumbled, ‘I’m okay’, running a hand through his hair, but he clearly wasn’t okay.
“Come on, let me get you into bed” You gripped his arms so you could pull him up, but he stayed where he was.
“I’m fine” He answered, through gritted teeth.
You tilt his chin up, so he’d look at you. His eyes were tired, puffy and red, and he looked terribly sleep-deprived.
“Why do you not want to sleep?”
His voice turned soft, “Because then you’ll leave”
“Hyun…” Your heart melted, “I’ll be back in a few hours, you’ll barely notice that I was gone”
He pouted, “I'll notice”
You smiled, tilting his chin up to look at you, “Why are you trying to be cute?”
“Trying?” He acted offended.
“Fine” You rolled your eyes, “Why are you being cute? You know I don’t actually want to go, but...unfortunately we live in a capitalist society and I need to pay the bills”
“I fucking hate capitalism”
You laughed, “Come on. What’s wrong?”
“I just...like being around you” He shrugged, “And now that...you won’t be moving for the program in the city, I don't know when I’m gonna see you again. I was really looking forward to meeting you in Seoul”
“I know, me too, but you'll see me every day for the rest of this month. Isn’t that enough?”
It was ironic that you were saying that, because it obviously wasn’t enough even to you.
Something flashed through his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t recognise and he mumbled, “I guess”
“Hyun, we have time to deal with that later, but can I bring you some Aspirin now?”
“I’m just so fucking tired of this shit” He mumbled.
“What shit?”
He glanced at you, “If I tell you…you’ll be stressed too”
Your eyebrows knit together, confused at what he was talking about now, “Please tell me, Hyun”
He sighed, running another hand through his hair, “Okay. It’s just…it might upset you, and you’re going to be thinking about it all day at work. I know it”
“I don’t care, I want to understand why you’re feeling this way”
His eyes were heavy with emotion, “Are you sure, Y/N?”
It scared you, what he wasn’t telling you, but you had to know.
“You’ve been upset about this, for weeks, Hyunjin. I…maybe I can help, or make you feel better somehow”
He shook his head, a chuckle escaping, “You can’t make me feel better about this”
Ouch.
“Oh. Okay”
He looked up at you, “Shit. That’s not how I meant it. I mean…nobody can do anything, it’s a fucked up situation”
“I’ll try my best to understand it then”
He sighed, leaning back, fiddling with the string on his sweatpants, “It’s…about Jisung. I had to leave Yeonjun’s place early yesterday, because…there’s been some stuff going on with Jisung, and it’s just so frustrating”
“What’s going on?” You asked, hoping you didn’t overstep with your questions.
He looked up at you, “Under my company, we have this…sort of contract, a contract that’s responsible for our health. Mentally and physically. They ensure we’re okay, because it can get stressful and tiring, for our bodies…do you get it?”
“Yeah. That’s a good thing, right?”
He nodded, “It’s supposed to be, yes. It is a good thing. If it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t be eating well, or getting enough sleep”
“What do you mean?”
He swallowed, “I mean…sometimes the company wants us to be in a certain…shape for an album, or a photoshoot. The pressure of that can be a lot, but this…this contract, it basically makes sure that they don’t push us too hard”
“Right”
He added, “It’s because of that contract that I was able to come back home, because they recognised that I needed some space. Most people in my line of work…they don’t get that freedom or liberty”
“The freedom…to go home?”
Hyunjin laughed, sore, “Yeah. I know how it sounds. It’s really rare for someone to go on a voluntary hiatus…like I did. They never allow it”
“Oh”
“And part of that contract is…we have these weekly appointments with a ….therapist, I guess you could say? I’m not sure what her specialisation really is, but she…talks to us and checks in with us every few weeks, to make sure we’re doing okay, and if we’re stressed about anything.
She works with the company, so it’s nice to have someone to depend on, and someone to just…rant to at the end of a really horrible month, you know?”
Even though he was telling you something nice, you could tell what he was leading up to wouldn’t be because his shoulders were tense and his voice was harsh.
He was stressed even just talking about it, and you suddenly regret asking him to explain it to you.
You nodded, wanting to comfort him, hands itching to touch him somehow, but you kept your distance, “That’s…really nice, Hyun”
He nodded, “It is. Well…Jisung has been going to her much more often, ever since an article came out about him last month. The one you read. He was getting a lot of…negative public attention for the fight he was a part of, so he’s been seeing Mrs. Yoona far more often than the rest of us”
You nodded, unsure of what this was getting at.
“Mrs. Yoona…that’s the name of the woman we see. We talk to her every month” He clarified, and you were grateful he took his time to make sure you understood everything.
“Okay”
“Yeah…and…last week” Hyunjin sucked in a sharp breath, “I don’t know how it fucking happened, but someone got access to her files…which are supposed to be confidential”
Your breath caught in your throat, “What?”
“They…released everything about Jisung, everything he’s ever said in his… sessions, all of the things he’s anxious about, the things he hates about the job, stuff about his family, about his ex-girlfriend”
Your heart plummeted, a terrible feeling clawing at you, “They released it…publicly?”
Hyunjin nodded, voice getting angrier, “I don’t know who the fuck it was. Probably someone from inside the company, but it doesn’t matter now, the files are out now, for every person in the fucking world to see, and it’s so unfair, because that shit’s supposed to be private. It’s his life, and…it’s not fair everyone gets to see it, and somehow use it against him”
His voice broke, and you immediately reached out to him, hand grabbing his, so he would know you were here, “I…I’m so sorry Hyun, that’s horrible”
He nodded, looking up at you, “Yeah. It is”
“I’m sorry” You repeated, unsure what else you could say, but you felt sick. It was the worst kind of invasion of privacy, and you felt so angry.
Why the fuck would someone do that?
You couldn’t even imagine how Hyunjin felt.
“Yeah. Me too” He spoke, “I’m just on edge because of this”
“Do they…have your files too?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound insensitive for asking about him, when something horrible had already happened with Jisung.
Hyunjin glanced at you, eyes widening, and he pulled you closer, “Y/N…please don’t worry about me”
“But-”
He cut you off though, “It doesn’t matter if they have it or not, or whatever they decide to do with it. That’s for me to think about. I can’t have you stressing about it”
“But…that’s impossible”
His expression softened, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you”
“Hyun…” You squeezed his hand, “I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish…”
“It’s okay” He cut you off again, “I’ve been dealing with it half my life, it’s honestly not the worst thing that’s happened, which sounds so fucking cruel to say. Mostly, I’m just sad about Jisung, but he’s holding up okay for now”
Your phone suddenly buzzed, because Mina was calling you.
“I’m gonna tell her I’m gonna be late” You pulled your phone out of your denims to text her.
Hyunjin watched you do so, “You don’t have to, please”
“Yes, I do”
“Y/N” He reached up to stop you, “Forget what I said before. I don’t want you to miss work because of me”
“Hyun…this is more important” You told him, but your heart was pounding, “You should lie down now, you haven’t slept all night. I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”
He nodded, moving over to his bed.
You walked over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for him, trying not to fucking panic about what he’d just told you.
You had to breathe.
Hyunjin needed you, and it would help no one if you also began freaking the fuck out.
How could people do something like that?
You needed to be stronger than this, because you wanted to cry just thinking about how Jisung felt.
You squeezed your eyes shut, to calm yourself, and then finished filling up the glass for him.
There was stuff all over the kitchen counter, different kinds of Daejon-special snacks, sour candy, instant ramyeon packed into little ziplock bags.
Was he going on a trip or something?
As you went back to the room, Kkami was on top of Hyunjin, sitting on his chest, as Hyunjin stroked his chin, fondly. He was lying down, hair spread out on his pillow, and he glanced at you.
“I think this is the first time he’s paying so much attention to me” He told you, smiling as he scratched Kkami.
“Maybe he knows you’re sick” You hummed, placing the glass of water on the bedside table, “Are you going somewhere? Your kitchen counter...is messy”
He shook his head, eyes wide, “Um, no. I was just cleaning... earlier”
That seemed like a blatant lie, but maybe he was planning a surprise, so you didn’t push. He probably needed any break he could get. He settled further into his blanket, staring at you, “So now you know why I had to leave, when we were at the pool”
Everything made more sense now.
That’s why he had left in a hurry, and skipped the dinner party at Yeonjun’s.
He must have heard about the scandal in that moment, and the thought of finding out something like that about your friend also made you want to cry.
You bent down to grab your bag, wondering why those people wouldn’t just leave him, and his friends alone.
“Are you all right?” He asked, at your silence.
“I’m just mad…at whoever did that to Jisung”
Hyunjin reached out, grazing your arm with his fingers, “Me too, but…that anger isn’t yours to have”
“Of course it is!” You spoke, eyebrows shooting up, “I care about you and I care-”
Hyunjin sat up, interrupting you, “Hey, hey. I know”
You squeezed your eyes shut, “You don’t deserve this. None of you do. I just..I don’t understand how this shit keeps happening and people actually get away with it? Why do they care so much about your lives-”
“Y/N…” He spoke, “Can you look at me?”
You reluctantly opened your eyes, and he leaned in closer, “I know you’re upset, but can you just…please promise me you won’t worry about this?”
“I can’t…” You blurted, “You know me, Hyun. I can’t promise you that”
Hyunjin shook his head, “Can you try? If you’re going to be around me… there will be a lot of this stuff happening. You can’t let it get to you”
You swallowed, knowing this conversation was futile right now, “Yeah. I’ll try my best. You could have told me about this last night, Hyun. I could have been there for you”
“I know. I was going to, but...I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good night” He smiled, clearly trying to cheer you up, and last night’s intense conversation felt like a fever dream compared to now.
You swallowed, “But still-”
“When you come back. I’m gonna make you feel much better, okay?”
You smiled at the new comfort between you, “I’ll see you in a few hours”
He laid back down, head resting on the pillow, “It’s cute. You…trying to take care of me”
You rolled your eyes, “Well, forgive me for caring about you, Hyunjin”
He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I will be okay”
You stared at him, and he stared up at you, sleepily, eyes barely open.
You should be the one making him feel better.
Your impulse won, and you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his forehead.
He murmured, “When you’re done at work, you can let yourself back in. The key is next to the window, under the daisy”
“The key?”
“To my place”
Your heart stirred, “Hyun-”
He curled up into his duvet, eyes drifting shut, “I’ll see you soon, Y/N”
You closed the door to his bedroom, peeking at him one last time as he buried a hand under his pillow. Hopefully he would fall into a deep, restful, stressless slumber.
The walk to Aera’s wasn’t long from his place, but you took your time, savouring every moment that warmed your heart, but your gut twisted with the new knowledge you had gained.
You had many more questions about the Jisung thing, but it wasn’t the right time to ask.
How could Hyunjin be so kind, despite the horrible things happening in his life? You would think that such hate would turn people cruel.
And despite all that fucking stress, he still called you last night. He stayed up with you, trying to make you feel good, even though your problems were nothing compared to his.
Aera’s came into view, and you could see Mina inside, idling away on the cash counter, probably playing a game on her phone.
In front of her lay a large bouquet of flowers, and your curiosity peaked.
Who sent Mina flowers?
As far as you knew, she wasn’t in a relationship, and her latest hookup had ended badly, yet a beautiful arrangement of daffodils was sent to her.
Your gut twisted, in part envy and some inspiration.
Maybe after you left work, you could bring some flowers for Hyunjin.
It would barely do anything to cheer him up, but it was still a nice gesture that you know he would appreciate.
You hope he felt much better when he woke, less in pain, more at peace.
You stopped in your tracks, just outside the steps.
You’d forgotten to give him the medicine.
What if he woke up, and was looking for it? What if his head hurt again?
You were so stupid for forgetting it. It was one of the reasons you’d gone over to his place in the first place.
Aera’s was right here and you were late, but it would only take you ten minutes to get to his place and back. You needed to make sure he was okay.
For a minute you stared at the little art shop, but then you thought of the frown lines in his forehead and the sadness in his eyes and your heart eventually won the argument.
»»————-
The key was next to the Daisy ornament, as he had promised.
It felt invasive, to enter his home, and when you pushed open the door to his room, Hyunjin was deep asleep.
He was on his side, face pressed into the pillow, covers pulled up to his chest.
Kkami wasn’t in sight, so you walked over to his bedside table, placing the pills, a bottle of water, and a candy bar.
Just in case he was hungry.
He sure seemed at peace, eyelids shifting slightly. He was dreaming.
What kind of things did Hyunjin dream of?
You hope all the terrible shit in his life didn’t invade his subconscious, and you wish you could stay here.
You gripped the spare key, reaching for the doorknob, but his voice startled you.
“Y/N...?”
Fuck.
You hadn’t been quiet enough, and now you’d stupidly woken him up.
“Yeah?” You turned around, and he was clearly awake and you didn’t imagine hearing him say your name. He shifted around in his blanket, to face you.
“You’re back…” He mumbled, a sleepy smile, voice hoarse, “How was work?”
Your eyebrows shot up.
You hadn’t even gone to work yet, and it had only been fifteen minutes since you left but…it seemed like he’d lost all sense of time, and clearly been dreaming away.
You stood still, staring at his body under the covers, as he looked at you, waiting for a response.
“Hyunjin, I…”
“Was it not a good day?” He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, a frown on his lips, and the kind of person he was, of course his first question was to worry about you, about your day, which hadn’t even happened yet.
In the early morning sunlight, snuggled up in his blanket, brown hair tousled from sleep, Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect.
His hair fell into his face and eyes, and his bangs were cut completely wrong, but god, you wish you could have explained to him how much you absolutely cherished his new hair.
It brought a sense of familiarity, and of warmth, liquid fire running through your veins.
Like the first sip of coffee on a long day.
Like the sunset on Jeju Island.
Like a book character crafted just for you. Like an angel that fell to Earth.
You could stare at him forever.
He opened his eyes half-way through, confused why you weren’t answering, “Y/N?”
You had a choice.
You could go back to Aera’s and help Mina with the stock, yet be consumed by thoughts of Hyunjin all day.
Or —
“No, work was…great” You smiled, giving in.
Giving in to the only thing you could ever want.
Him.
“I’m so glad” Dimples appeared in his cheeks, as he smiled, “I hope Mina didn’t overwork you”
You walked over to him, voice soft to not disrupt his sleepy subconscious, “She didn’t”
“Are you tired?”
“Yeah”
His lips curled into a frown, rubbing his eyes again, “Oh. So…you have to go home?”
Another choice.
It was time to stop resisting.
“No. I don’t have to go”
But it would always be him.
“Is it all right if I stay here with you, Hyun?”
The smile grew on his face, reaching all the way to his puffy eyes, and he instantly shifted, to make way for you, “Of course”
You don’t know what you were thinking, or if you even were thinking. You slipped off your sneakers, pushing them under the bed, next to the discarded items Hyunjin had long forgotten about.
Your hesitation disappeared, and it ceased to exist, so you climbed into Hyunjin’s bed.
The bed was small, not nearly big enough for the two of you, but it didn’t matter because you squeezed yourself next to him. Hyunjin pressed himself up against the wall, making way for your body, and to share his pillow with you.
There were no words spoken, like it was habit - routine that you just slipped in next to him, like you weren't friends who could never be lovers, like this was what your everyday looked like, like this was all normal.
It was your first time climbing into his bed, but it felt like the most natural thing to do, like it was your fate, no matter how mundane it was.
The only sound was the ruffling of sheets, as he pulled the blanket over your body to cover you up.
The bed was so little - all of your limbs touched his, and your noses were inches apart, sharing the same breath on his baby blue pillow.
“Are you comfortable?” He voiced.
“Mmh” You reached over, hand tracing his cheek, “You?”
“I’m perfect” He smiled, a yawn overtaking him soon after, “Although I’m still soo tired…it’s like I barely got any sleep”
You laughed, knowing he voiced the truth, “Go back to sleep, Hyun”
He nodded, “And…what about you?”
You slid your hand under the pillow, staring at him, “I will too"
Hyunjin’s hand moved under the blanket, reaching over to your waist. He pulled you closer, his chest pressing against yours, and your fond heart melted.
“You deserve to rest. You work too hard” He mumbled.
The guilt of skipping work crept over you, but…you needed to be selfish today, and you’d never felt this kind of calm before.
It was just one day you missed.
He was forever.
The way his legs fit between yours, and his hand on your body, was forever.
He tilt his head, voice coming out whiny in his reverie, “What are you thinking?”
“Just…about you”
“What about me?” He whispered.
You pushed back the uneven hair from his eyes, and his forehead, words slow because sleep was crawling over the two of you like a wave in the ocean, “I wish I could make everything easier for you”
A dimple appeared in his cheek, “You already do”
You smiled at his words, eyes drifting shut, but you had to ask,“Your head…does it still hurt?”
Hyunjin didn’t answer, and you thought he must already fallen asleep, but when you opened your eyes, he was looking right at you.
Eyes half-lidded, he was staring at you, “You’re so beautiful…”
Heart squeezed in your chest, an unsafe amount of emotions overwhelming you, and you mumbled, “Hyun…”
There was so much to say, but you couldn’t even comprehend your feelings in the moment. His body was so warm, safe, familiar, and it belonged there, and nothing could convince you otherwise. His eyes were so puffy and they kept drifting shut, and then just like that…he was asleep.
You stared at him as he fell asleep, at a loss for words. You thought you were getting used to the way you felt around Hyunjin, but truthfully you could perhaps never get used to it.
You’d never felt this way before.
You’d do anything for him.
You would do whatever he wanted in the world, and go wherever he wanted you to, and the thought was so scary that you almost cried.
It was good that he fell asleep, because the next words at the tip of your tongue were far too dangerous to be said at a time like this.
You would have told him you loved him.
You were sure of it.
You loved him more than it was possible for humans to love each other, more than it was possible for you to love a boy you met just this summer, more than you should love someone you could never be with.
Just one second longer, and you would have blurted it out, because it was too strong an emotion to hold back anymore.
It’s a good thing he fell asleep when he did, and it was a good thing you didn’t say it.
If you told him how you truly felt about him, he would leave you.
You were sure of that, too.
»»————-
You woke slowly, and then all at once, eyes blinking awake, a steady heartbeat pulsing under your ear.
It took you a few seconds, to gather your bearings and to pull yourself out of this slumber, trying to make sense of where you were.
You’d been dreaming of stars…and you opened your eyes to the sun.
The blinds were pulled shut, subdued sunlight hitting the room.
Your fingers were clutching onto fabric, a t-shirt, and you were on top of Hyunjin.
Somehow, you’d moved in your sleep, your head pressed into his chest, which would explain why the first thing you heard was the sound of his heart.
Hyunjin’s chest rose, and fell, soft, calm.
His face was pressed into your hair, and you wonder how he could even breathe, pushed up so close to you. His fingers dug into your sweatshirt, arm still wrapped around your waist.
What time was it?
There was no clock in his room, and you shifted, to reach for your tote bag. It lay by the side of the bed, your phone half-way out. You stretched your arm, but it was still out of reach.
You didn’t want to wake him up, so you settled for not knowing what time it was, and perhaps you could exist in this moment forever, and never have it be stolen from you.
“It’s…just past ten” He breathed, and you shifted, to look at him. Your arm drifted, grazing his stomach, and it wasn’t until your fingers touched his bellybutton piercing that you realised his shirt had ridden entirely up, revealing bare skin.
“You’re awake” You stated, pulling yourself out of sleep, but everything was still hazy and blurry.
His eyes drifted open completely, “Mmh. I am”
He’d been awake a while, it seemed.
The reality of the situation set in.
You flushed, pulling your hand off his abdomen, even though you’d been enjoying the taut muscles of his stomach.
“Sorry…” You mumbled, “How long have you been up?”
Despite being wide awake, Hyunjin didn’t stop holding you.
“An hour…”
“An hour?!” Your eyes widened, “Why didn’t you wake me?”
He smiled, “Because you needed the rest”
“But…” You felt conscious, “Fuck, sorry, I was basically pinning you down, and you must have wanted to get up, to feed Kkami”
“Don’t worry, I already fed him” He laughed, chest moving with every chuckle.
You frowned, “You…did? How?”
“How?” He repeated your question.
“How did you…feed him?”
He laughed again, confused, “I got up and put food in his bowl”
The realisation sank in.
Hyunjin got up, fed Kkami, and then he—
“You came back to bed after that?”
He smiled, “I wasn’t going to leave you alone, you looked so comfortable”
Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at him.
You had been asleep, and he did all that without waking you.
He…climbed out of the blanket, the bed, and then back in, snuggling up to you, holding you even tighter than before, without ever managing to wake you up.
A bashful smile tugged at your lips at the mental image, “I see”
“Mmh” He tilt his head, “Did you sleep well?”
“I did”
“Even after you lied to me?”
Your eyebrows shot up, “What?”
“You told me that you had a good day at work”
“Oh…”
“You didn’t have to skip work for me, Y/N. I was only kidding before”
You sat up, trying to fix your hair which must have been a mess after that unplanned nap, “I wanted to stay”
Hyunjin got up too, crossing his legs over the duvet, “Mina won’t be mad at you, right?”
You shook your head, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes, “I can just take the afternoon shift”
He ran a hand through his sleep hair, pushing it back. You got lost in the way he did, brown curls falling across his jaw.
“When did you even get the time to dye it?”
A hoarse laugh escaped him, voice still groggy from sleep, “Late last night or early this morning…however you see it, after I finished taking to Chan”
“That’s why you got no sleep”
“Yup”
“Can I ask why you did it, Hyun?”
“I guess I just…needed a change. With everything that’s been happening” He looked down at his dye-stained hands, “I wanted to feel more like myself”
“And this…” You ran your hands through his hair, “…makes you feel more like yourself?”
He chuckled, “It’s silly, isn’t it?”
“No, not really”
He nodded, “I guess I needed to remind myself of why I’m doing all of this. The last time I had my hair like this…I was still just a kid, before I had this kind of life”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah” He laughed, breathy, “I remember, at that time… I dreamed of debuting and making it big, and I was so…focused. It was like I had tunnel vision. I never thought this far ahead or about the stuff that comes after you become famous. I guess I was naive. But now when I look at myself in the mirror, it’ll be like looking at the seventeen year old version of me, and maybe I can dream his dreams again”
You smiled, running your hand across his jaw, “You’ve come so far, Hyun. I’m…really really proud of you”
His eyes crinkled as he looked at you, “You are?”
“Of course” You shifted onto your knees, to caress his cheek better, “I think you’re one of the strongest people I know”
Hyunjin’s hands landed on your thigh, and he laughed bitterly, “Thank you…but if I was actually strong, I wouldn’t have had to come back to town, or go through all of this shit”
Your heart clenched, and you nodded, “Right…”
If he was strong, he wouldn’t be here.
Maybe you were happy that he wasn’t strong.
A wave of guilt washed over you, so you turned away.
You’d overstayed your welcome, and…Mina would be waiting for you.
Hyunjin’s hand on your wrist stopped you, “Wait. That’s not what I mean, Y/N”
“You don’t have to explain, Hyun” You spoke, putting your feet on the ground, hoping the cold floor would wake you up, but the floor was warm, warm like the bed, like his embrace.
Hyunjin stopped you from getting up.
His grip on your arm pulled you back, closer to where he sat on the bed.
He explained himself, “No, I mean…I don’t regret it, at all. I just wish it was under better circumstances, you know? Coming back home…”
You wish it was under a better situation too.
You turned to look at him, “Yeah…but what did you really get out of coming back? A…drama-filled summer, a splitting headache, and…a really messy haircut”
Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “You think it’s messy?”
The tension was forgotten in seconds, and you couldn’t help but laugh, “Your bangs are…like completely messed up. I take it that this was your first time trimming it yourself, without a team full of stylists to help you”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before” He narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean they’re messed up?”
“They’re really uneven. It’s cute…but maybe you shouldn’t go out with this hair” you said, watching how the strands fell to his eyebrows.
“So, let me get this right. While I was baring my soul to you about my dreams, you were thinking about my hair?”
A giggle escaped you, “Maybe you can fix it”
His eyes widened, “You…you know how?”
“No…but…I can try”
“Okay, follow me” He got out of bed, gesturing for you to follow him, and you didn’t think he meant right now.
He stepped into his bathroom, clearing the counter, and you noticed how tight his sweatpants suddenly seemed, stretching at the crotch.
You kept your distance, watching as he placed a box of tissues, and toothbrush holder to the side, trying not to focus on that. It was distracting.
You knew how anatomy worked, and you knew he couldn’t control that he woke up with morning wood, but it still made your brain fuzzy, like a stupid girl in love.
“Okay” He looked up you, and your gaze flickered back up to his face because there was no way you’d be caught staring at his fucking crotch.
“I’ve never done this before, so if I mess up…you can’t be mad at me” You spoke, as he hopped onto the marble counter, legs dangling off. He looked cute, staring up at you.
You don’t even know how you got here, from bringing him coffee this morning to napping in his bed, and to now attempting to cut his hair.
He ran a hand through his hair, “You just need to trim the ends, make it even, right?”
“Yeah” You stepped up to him.
His shoulders relaxed, as he leaned back on the counter, “You’ll be fine. It’s not that hard”
You reached up to brush back his hair, “I mean, I think you did a pretty good job already. How long do you want them?”
“Just so they don’t fall into my eyes…” He told you, craning to look at himself in the mirror behind.
“Do you have a towel?” You asked.
His eyebrow shot up, a teasing smirk on his face, “A professional, are we?”
You rolled your eyes, “It’s just so it’s easier to clean, Hyun”
He smiled, pointing back to his room, “There should be a new one in my closet, on the upper shelf”
His wardrobe was surprisingly organised as you sifted through it, trying to find the towel.
Your gaze landed on a ribbed burgundy t-shirt; you’d never seen him in it before. A silver zipper ran till the chest. You couldn’t even imagine how good he’d look in this.
“Did you just get this?” You asked, walking back with it, along with a towel.
Hyunjin was reading the label on a candle he lit, and he looked up at you, “Yeah. I haven’t got a chance to wear it”
“Oh, okay”
His lips tugged up, “You want me to put it on for you?”
You flushed, putting it back, “No, I was just curious”
“I’ll wear it for you later” He laughed, knowing you far too well because you’d never have asked, but you needed to see him in it.
Placing the towel on his lap, over his taut sweatpants, you hoped it would also serve as stopping the very obvious distraction. He didn’t even seem embarrassed or affected by it though.
He hummed, “Thank you”
You laughed, tossing the hair in your hands, “Thank me after I’m done, this may turn out to look like shit”
“It won’t” He assured you, and you grabbed your phone.
“What are you doing?” He asked, “Texting while I’m asking you to help me?”
“I’m not texting” You rolled your eyes, tilting the screen to show him.
He read off your screen, “Step by step: How to a man’s hair”
“I don’t wanna mess up” You explained.
He giggled, loud laughter filling the bathroom, “Oh my god. You’re referring to a Wikihow article? I am truly doomed”
“They’re helpful sometimes, asshole” You pout, “We need to get your hair wet”
He nodded, leaning onto the mirror behind him, as you ran your hands under the sink to get them wet.
“It’ll be easier if I get in the shower” He suggested, and you glanced at him.
There was a smirk on his face at the recommendation.
“I…don’t think that’s necessary” You stated, flushing under his stare.
“It’s not like I’m going to get naked, Y/N” He laughed, “Don’t worry about it”
You shook your head, running your hands through his bangs to get them wet, droplets falling into his eyes. His eyes fluttered shut, and the drops of water trailed down his neck.
“Your shirt will get wet though” You added quietly, trying not to fixate on the trail of water that had made parts of his shirt see-through.
He blinked, wet hair falling into his face, “We should probably take it off then”
“Yeah” You swallowed, paused in your movements.
Hyunjin laughed, “Oh come on, it’s not like you’ve never seen me shirtless. You seem embarrassed—”
You immediately tugged at his shirt, pushing it up his chest, perhaps to prove that you weren’t affected by this. His eyes widened, and he clearly hadn’t expected you to take the initiative, but he smiled to himself, lifting his arms up, so you could pull it off completely.
Once you got it over his head, and arms, he was flushing red.
“I don’t know Hyun” You hummed, “You’re the one who seems embarrassed now”
“Stop” He laughed.
You tried not to get distracted, but in the soft light of the bathroom, his muscles seemed even more pronounced, the twinkle in his bellybutton catching your eye more often than you’d want.
You took in a deep breath, holding a hairbrush up, “Here goes nothing”
“If you ruin my hair, you should know some stylists in Seoul are gonna be very unhappy”
You laughed, untangling all the knots, “So…no pressure then, right?”
He shrugged, “Mmh, none at all”
“And they’re not going to be unhappy with your dye-stained hands?”
He held his palms up, staring at them, as you pulled his hair taut, “It’ll wash off soon enough”
“Close your eyes” You spoke, “I don’t want to hurt you”
He nodded, and you carefully trimmed the front ends, choppy pieces of his bangs falling onto the towel in his lap. You had to make sure it was even, as you measured it roughly, and you’d never been a hairdresser but all those years engaging in crafts surely came handy now.
“You’re quiet” He spoke.
“I don’t want to mess up”
Hyunjin’s hand suddenly found it’s way to your waist, and you stilled, scissors in hand, “Unless you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye…don’t do that…not without warning”
He glanced up at you, despite the precarious position, gulping, “Sorry”
Just as he was about to move his hand back, you stopped him, “I…I didn’t say you have to stop touching me”
Realisation passed over his face, and he nodded, gripping you tighter.
Now that he held you, you felt more anchored, confidence flowing. You focused on what was left of the task, trimming the rest of his bangs as he watched you.
Any other moment, you would feel conscious, because you were the only thing he was looking at, but today you didn’t.
“Are you almost done?” He asked, voice soft.
“Almost” You promised, putting the pink scissors away, to look at him.
The light-brown bangs fell just above his eyebrows, growing longer at the side, tucked behind his ears. The rest of the hair brushed his bare collarbones, almost a mullet in the back, shorter in the front.
There was barely anything to even fix, and maybe you just needed a dumb reason to be so close to him again. He knew that too, yet he indulged you.
You let yourself stare at him, seconds stretching into minutes.
It was perfect.
“Is it… all right?” He asked.
His eyes were blown wide, and curious, teeth biting into his plush lower lip, with apprehension.
“It’s beautiful, Hyun” You admitted.
His smile grew, “Really?”
You nodded, putting away the towel on his lap, “If you went to my school, everyone would have had a crazy crush on you”
His eyebrows shot up, “That’s…random”
You bit your lip, “I’ve been thinking about that a lot”
“About…school?”
“No” You shook your head, “About how things used to be. Everything seemed simpler back then”
He nodded silently, as if understanding exactly what you meant. After all, he’d just been talking about a similar thing -- about how things were easier before he debuted.
“Did you…have school too?” You asked him.
He laughed, “Of course I did”
“In Seoul?”
He nodded.
“Why didn’t you just go to the one here…in Daejon? Isn’t this your home?”
He smiled, “I had to go to the academy every day to train, before and after my lessons. It would have been impossible to travel so much if I was in Daejon”
“So you never visited home? What about your aunt? This is her place, right?”
He nodded, “It is, I’m taking care of it for her while she’s away”
“And your parents?”
“They moved with me to the city…” He explained.
“Do you miss them...now that you’re here?”
His gaze softened, “Yeah, I do, but…even when I was there, I couldn’t meet them often. I would try to talk to my mum every day at first, but over time that became…really tough”
“Why?”
“I was just…insanely busy. Not that it’s an excuse, but I just let myself get carried by the work, by the... responsibilities and what was expected of me”
Your hands gripped onto his bare shoulders, “When you go back, you’ll be busy again”
“Yeah”
“When do you even make time for yourself, between…all of that?”
He shrugged, “I...don’t. That’s why I cherish moments like this the most”
“I see”
He tilt his head, “Do you think we’d be friends…if I went to your school in Daejon, instead of in the city?”
“Probably not”
Hyunjin frowned, “Wow. You didn’t even have to think about that”
You smiled, apologetic, “No, I just mean…I’d probably be too intimidated to approach you, and…you’d definitely be dating the most popular girl in high school”
He rolled his eyes, “Stop. That would never happen”
“Right. I forgot you don’t date”
His eyebrows knit together and he tilt his head, “You know that’s not what I meant”
You absentmindedly fiddled with the string on his sweats, twirling it within your fingers, “Hmm”
“What kind of girl were you, in high school anyway?” He asked, lazily leaning back against the mirror, allowing you a more prominent view of his collarbones, and his bare chest.
“What do you mean?” You laughed, “I was…the same”
His eyes were full of amusement as he watched you speak, and you couldn’t comprehend how…easy this felt. How domestic.
Hyunjin sat across you, shirtless and just in sweatpants, as you talked about the most mundane things at eleven in the morning.
Is this what it’d be like?
If he let himself love you?
“Minho told me differently”
Your eyebrows shot up, “What did he say?”
Hyunjin laughed, eyes crinkling into crescents, “He just said you were different, that you were…much louder”
You tilt your head, “As all teenagers are”
“He also told me you failed Art once”
You gasped, “He did?”
Hyunjin giggled, “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”
“The professor…felt differently than me. I actually had a full-blown argument with him in class” You recalled, “Man. I don’t think I’d do that today. I kind of regret it”
He smiled, “I’d love to see that. I’ve never seen you…angry. If it makes you feel any better, I’d definitely fail that art class too”
You laughed, “Why?”
He leaned forward suddenly, closing the little distance between you, “Why do you think?”
You lost your train of thought, getting swept up in his gaze, “I don’t know…”
“I would be too distracted… staring at you”
Your heart sank, at what could have been, “Yeah…”
He laughed, breathy, “I’m sorry. I…shouldn’t say stuff like that, right?”
Your chest felt heavy, eyes landing to the floor, or anything else, “Yeah. You shouldn’t”
“But you have to know” He cupped your cheek, tilting your chin to look at him.
“Know…what?”
He swallowed, “That…I wish everyday for things to be different, and sometimes I wish I was just a boy you met in high school, instead of…who I am right now”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing” You frowned.
“It’s true. Things would be simpler if I was just…some Hyunjin, wouldn’t they? A nobody”
“No... Hyun, you can’t wish for that. You worked so much to be this. You are who you are, because that’s who you’re supposed to be”
“Supposed to?”
“Aren’t you the one who was reading all about stuff that fate earlier? Don’t you believe that you’re here right now in this part of your life, because you’re meant to be?”
He frowned, “Does that mean I’m…supposed to suffer too?”
“Suffer? That’s…a harsh word”
“You don’t agree?”
You nodded, “Things would be simpler, of course…but you told me that you don’t mind the bad stuff, because you love what you do”
“So you don’t wish for things to be different?”
You swallowed, admitting, “Obviously it would be easier if you were just Hyunjin, a boy from my art class, instead of…a world-famous member of a band"
“You should stop thinking of me that way” He interrupted, pulling you closer between his legs.
“Even if I stop thinking of you like that, it doesn’t change the truth”
His eyes were soft as he spoke, “Maybe you can forget about it for a day”
“Forget who you are?” You laughed, “Before I knew that about you, it didn’t matter to me at all, but now...it affects every part of your life…it’s hard to just ignore what’s real”
What happened with Jisung just further solidified that for you. Hyunjin had run away from the fame, but it still found him, festering into his heart and mind. Miles away, he worried about it, defeating the sole purpose of him coming here.
His thumbs brushed under your shirt, “I know, but just for a day, don’t think about that”
“What should I think about then?”
“Think about how nice it’d be…if we were in another world, where I wasn’t me”
You frowned, “But who you are is... perfect. I don’t want that to change”
He closed his eyes, “I know you don’t…I’m sorry. I know it’s upsetting, but…I wish for a lot of stuff”
You leaned closer, brushing your thumb against his jaw, “What do you wish for?”
He leaned in, gaze piercing through your soul, “I wish for…a normal life. Wouldn’t I be happier then?”
Your heart stirred, “We all suffer, Hyun, even when we lead normal lives”
Hyunjin’s hand slipped around your neck, the space between your mouths almost negligible, “You want to know what true suffering really is, for me?”
“Yeah?”
“Being this close to you…and not getting to have you in the way I want”
Your voice trembled, “And…what way is that?”
“In every way that’s possible…I want you”
You moved in the same breath that he did, crushing his mouth to yours, before he could even finish speaking.
It didn’t matter who moved first. Your lips were on his, and he let out a satisfied groan, as you swallowed his words, his breath, his taste.
Your hands slipped into his freshly-cut hair, frantic as you kissed him, and he devoured you in open-mouthed kisses, and you could feel it all the way down to your toes, within the crevices of your heart, within the depths of your soul.
It was electrifying, the way he gave into you, like it was muscle memory at this point.
“Y/N-” A groan escaped his lips, between pecks. His hands slid around your waist. He pulled you flush to the counter until your hips met his, thighs closing around your body to trap you in his embrace.
A bottle of hand-soap knocked over onto the floor, as did the pair of scissors you’d held so delicately before, and earlier it was so tranquil but now it was so rushed.
He tilt his head, mouth crushed against yours, and it was already messy, saliva dripping down his chin, but you didn’t care.
Not after what he just said.
He tasted of lazy Saturday mornings, of books about fate, of home.
He tasted fucking perfect.
“Let me make you feel good” You whispered, “Please, please, please”
Despite the growing lust, he was still fucking polite, shaking his head, “No, let me-”
You pushed your tongue into his mouth to interrupt him, words slipping out in a rush, “You don’t have to suffer, not when it comes to me”
“I know” He whined fervently, in a heated daze. You were both burning up, and it was so hot inside this room, but he was the hottest boy that had ever existed. You wanted to do so much, but your time together wasn’t infinite, and the things you wanted to do to him were.
“Please let me do this” You mumbled, pecking his lips over and over.
“What are you going to do?” He whispered.
You fingers rest in his hair, and you pulled at the strands to tilt his head back with enough harshness to make him whine, allowing you access to his neck.
Within seconds, you pressed a trail of kisses down his throat and jaw, nipping at his ear.
“Fuck-” He moaned, as you bit onto his neck. Your other hand travelled up his body, fingers brushing against his chest, and his hips bucked up into nothing.
You should be more careful. You wanted to be delicate, but you couldn’t stop, and he couldn’t either, as he slowly rocked his hips against yours, to relieve the friction.
Hyunjin was restless, squirming, as you did so, and he suddenly whined, “Baby, don’t mark me”
You pulled back to look at him, “Why?”
His eyes were half-lidded but clearly he was still thinking straight, panting, “Someone… could see”
The disappointment must have been evident in your face because he immediately kissed you, whispering, “You can do anything else to me, I’m sorry”
You indulged him in the kiss, feeling his tongue in your mouth, as he explored you, grip strong on your jaw. His other hand pushed your sweatshirt up, and his lips were so fucking swollen, dripping with spit - yours and his.
It was messy, his hair was wet, and his hands were stained with dye as they travelled up your body, tracing each curve, under your sweatshirt. They brushed the wire of your bra, and he immediately paused, puling back to ask for permission.
Hyunjin had touched you before, but he’d always been so fucking respectful, never going into unfamiliar territory. Despite the heat of the moment, his eyes were shy, as he silently asked you if he could go further.
“You can…keep going” You nodded, pressing your lips to his again.
It was all the approval that he needed, before his large hands squeezed your tits and you moaned, “Hyun-”
“Last night-” He began speaking, voice hoarse, “I wanted to touch you so fucking bad”
“Me too” You breathed, “You made me crazy…with what you said. I’m sorry I couldn’t come over”
“I’m sorry too” He apologised so sweetly, but he groped you so filthily, fingers pulling back the lace of your bra, ”I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel good, when that’s all I ever fucking want to do”
He made you clench, “Fuck, Hyun I promise when I came over this morning, I…I wasn’t expecting this”
He shook his head, kissing the corner of your mouth, “I know, I know, you were just being so fucking sweet, you’re always so sweet”
“I was— I was just so worried about you” You admitted, but every word was difficult when you couldn’t breathe. Every word was difficult when his tongue slipped into your mouth, and you gave up on speaking, to just taste and devour him.
“I know. You care about me far too much” He mumbled, pulling back to gaze at you.
“Does it still hurt you?”
“If I say yes--”
“I’ll make it go away” You promised.
“How?” He breathed, chest heaving, wondering what you could possibly do to take away the pain.
Your hand landed on his lap, and he was clearly so turned on, and you gently squeezed him through his sweatpants.
A loud moan escaped him, back arching at the sudden sensation, “Oh my god…”
“Is it okay if I go on?” You asked, against his lips.
“Please, I might die if you stop”
You smiled at his words,“You’re hard”
“I know” He chuckled, eyes half-lidded.
“Is that because I kissed you?” You teased, pecking kisses down his jaw, as you palmed his cock through his sweats, “Or is it because I’m touching you?”
“It’s because you’re you” He groaned, head thrown back against the mirror.
Suddenly, a buzzing caught your attention, and your phone vibrated against the bathroom counter. Still, you didn’t stop touching him.
“Baby…” He moaned, his voice was hoarse, trying to find his way to a sentence, “Your…your work”
“Don’t think about that right now” You told him, kissing under his ear, sucking over the sensitive spot, “Just let me take care of you”
Your hands hovered over the string of his sweats, “Can I?”
He nodded, frantically, “I told you. Do whatever you want...to me. You don’t even have to ask”
“Okay” You undid the knot, loosening the waistband of his sweatpants, and Hyunjin held his breath, abs clenching tightly, as you slipped your hand inside, feeling him bare.
He let out a whimper, “Oh god”
Your fingers wrapped around his entire length, and you’d touched him before, the first time that you kissed him, but things were different now.
“Fuck” He grit his teeth, “If I don’t last long-”
“Don’t worry about that” You told him. It was stupid and silly how your brain short-circuited; all you could think of was how hard and big he was.
“Wait-” He interrupted, and you looked up at him, wondering if he changed his mind. Instead of asking you to stop, he grabbed your hand.
You watched, curious, as he lift it to his own mouth, his lips wrapping against your fingers, wetting them.
It dawned on you what he was doing, and maybe you were so far gone that you’d forgotten how to even do this, and you felt embarrassed, but Hyunjin didn’t let you feel embarrassed for too long. The sight of him with your fingers in his mouth was so absolutely insane that you had to remind yourself to stay still, and not pounce on him in that very moment.
He pulled them out, with a pop, spit trailing down his swollen lips, “It’s easier… this way”
You immediately slipped your hand back into his sweatpants, tugging at his cock. It was easier now with spit on your hands, and it was better as you gripped him tightly. He was so warm, leaking already, and you wanted to just feel him inside you.
It was only the morning, and maybe that’s why he was flushing red, squirming as you touched him in broad daylight, and he pressed his mouth to yours, too shy to look into your eyes.
Too shy, but far too turned on, as his cock twitched with every tug of your hand, hips bucking to feel more of you.
Your grip was steady, thumb brushing against his tip and you learnt that he loved that, because his whines got louder when you did, curse words escaping his lips.
“Oh my god” He groaned, and his mouth fell open, eyes squeezing shut.
“Do you like that, Hyun?” You asked him, “You like being touched?”
“Fuck. You’re going to make me come so fucking fast” He mumbled, embarrassed, hands gripping the marble counter.
Your pace increased, squeezing him every other second, and it had been so long since you’d given a handjob that you would get tired but of course he was helping you out, rocking his hips into your hand to match your pace.
He was unable to keep still, knuckles turning white, sweat dripping down his chest, drenching his abs.
He was so sensitive, and it was tough because your hand was restrained by the elastic of his sweat, but he kept squirming, so you gripped his thigh with your other hand, “Stay still, Hyunnie”
“I can’t” He whimpered, a tear slipping out, “It feels so good”
You kissed the edge of his mouth, as his moans got louder and your pace increased, hand gliding up and down with ease. It would be easier if his sweatpants were off, but you’d lose it if you saw him like that.
A loud ringer threatened to pull your attention away.
“Someone…someone is calling you again” He breathed.
“They can wait” You cut him off with another kiss, and his hips bucked up into your hands, legs wrapping tight around you.
“Y/N-” He moaned, the veins in his neck strained as he held back.
Your phone was ringing, but you didn’t care about it right now. You’d been interrupted countless times in the past, and today you would make him feel good, no matter what.
“Faster?” You asked.
“Yes, please” He pleaded.
You picked up the pace, squeezing his cock tightly and he bit down on his lip, harshly.
“I just wanna be buried inside you” He blurted, cheeks red, chest heaving, “I can’t imagine how good you’d feel”
“I’d let you do anything to me too, you know?”
“Really?”
“You can fuck me, anywhere… anytime that you want”
He swallowed, “Shit- I want that now”
You leaned closer, pressing your chest to his, “You want to fuck me?”
He bit his lip, “Y-Yes, but-”
He was so whiney, and it was so easy to tease him, “But you’re not supposed to. We’re not supposed to do this, right?”
“I don’t give a fuck about that. I need to be inside you. I dreamt about you, every night” He blurted, and you learnt that perhaps forbidden love was his turn-on.
“What do you dream about?”
“I dream about — Fuck. I dream about you, on top of me, and about - it’s so inappropriate”
“Tell me, please Hyun”
He nodded, wanting nothing more than to please, “I dream of tasting you, and I can’t imagine how sweet you’d taste, and I think about waking you up in the morning, and — ”
He seemed like he was losing it, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, specks decorating his collarbones, and you were losing it too, at his words.
“Do you touch yourself to it? To those dreams?” You asked him, squeezing him again.
Tears brimmed at his eyes from the pleasure, and he shook his head, “I want to, but is that...is that okay with you?”
You smiled, kissing him, “Are you asking me if it’s okay?”
“Yeah” He breathed.
You pecked his cheek, and his ear, while stroking his cock, “You can think about me all you want when you touch yourself”
“Fuck” He groaned, “I’m so close. Please don’t stop, please”
“What do you need?” You whispered.
“Let me touch you” He begged, and you nodded, so his hands found their way to your body.
He pulled you close, pushed your sweatshirt up, just enough to catch the lavender lace of your bra, in the early afternoon sun, “You’re so fucking hot”
You ran your fingers through the freshly-dyed hair, and when he felt your nails against his scalp, he moaned loudly, and you learnt that he loved having his hair pulled.
You pulled at his hair, and his hips bucked, thrusting up into the air, head falling back, and with another tug inside his sweats, a loud moan escaped him.
“Fuck—” He groaned, pink lips parting, eyes squeezed shut, cock twitching as he came in your hand, soaking you.
Small whines left his lips, and he rest his head against the mirror, and you continued touching him, and his legs trembled from the pleasure and the pain, until he was done.
It was only a regular Saturday morning but it was the most beautiful moment in your life.
You learnt that you could never feel as satisfied, as you did right now, revelling in his orgasm.
You stopped, in awe of him, until his breathing returned to normal. His hair was sticking to his face, and you pushed it back, and his chest was moving rapidly.
Hyunjin’s lips were bitten red and swollen, a sheen of sweet dripping down his abs, as he tried to catch his breath.
“Fuck” He muttered, opening his eyes to look at you, after he’d finally calmed down.
Slowly, you slipped your hands out of his sweats, and he noticed the mess he’d made, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s-”
“Don’t say sorry” You told him, kissing his cheek.
“But I…let me clean it up” He felt embarrassed, post-coital haze taking over, and he reached for a tissue, wiping your hands with it.
You smiled at his tenderness.
He was red all over, as he wiped his release from your hands, “I’m sorry”
“Hyun” You interrupted him, “Relax”
His shoulders slacked, and he nodded, “Okay”
Like clockwork, your phone rang again.
Hyunjin’s gaze drifted to it, reading the caller ID, “Are they gonna be mad at you?”
“I don’t care”
His eyes searched yours, and he nodded, and his cheeks were so red, and he was so endearing.
“How do you feel now?”
He let out a chuckle, pulling you closer, “What do you think?”
“I don’t know” You teased, nails grazing his abs. You were turned on beyond belief, the sight of Hyunjin like this enough to make you go insane, but it wasn’t about you right now, it was about him.
When you got home, you’d think of him and this moment, and make yourself feel good.
You’d think of the moans, and the feeling of his cock in your hand, and you’d imagine it was him touching you.
“I promise this wasn’t my intention…when I asked you-”
“I know. You just wanted help with your hair” You interrupted him.
He laughed, “Yeah…and you helped me”
You tucked his hair behind his ear, still not used to his new look, “You look perfect, Hyun”
“I’m embarrassed” He admitted after a while, “I’m sorry if I was pushy or-”
“You weren’t” You assured him, only half-joking, “Now I know what I’m gonna be thinking about at work”
His eyes shot to yours, widening, “Y/N…”
You laughed, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I’m kidding”
“What about you?”
You laughed, “What about me?”
He smiled, coy, “Isn’t it my turn now?”
“Your turn to what?”
He leaned forward, voice dropping, “You’re…you’re not wet?”
You swallowed, because of fucking course you were, and then your phone rang again, for the fifth time in a row.
“I…I should get that” You stuttered, stepping away from him.
You don’t know why, but…you weren’t ready.
You weren’t ready for him to see you like that, even though every part of you wanted him. Maybe because you knew it couldn’t last. You feared that if Hyunjin touched you even just once, you’d never feel the same again.
So, you answered the sixth missed call, “Hello?”
Hyunjin watched you from where he sat.
Mina’s voice came in, “Oh my god, I thought you died or something”
“Yeah, sorry. I…wasn’t feeling well. I’ll be there soon” You replied, staring at the cabinet and how he’d arranged everything beautifully — a black cherry candle on the top shelf, a cerulean blue hand towel, and a tiny glass jar of hair-clips.
Your gaze darted to Hyunjin’s, and he was putting on his shirt now.
“Okay, I’ll see you there” Mina spoke, hanging up.
“You have to go?” He asked.
You turned to him, “Yeah, in a bit”
He stepped closer to you, “Are you all right?”
You nodded, “Mmh. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He smiled, pressing you into the counter, “Because you didn’t answer my question”
Your eyes widened, “Hyun-”
“I hope you don’t think of me as one of those guys”
“What guys?” You laughed.
“The guy… who’d let you just go to work without taking care of you too”
You gulped, “You don’t have to take care of me”
His expression fell, “You don’t want me to…?”
“No, it’s not that”
“Then tell me what it is” He asked, leaning in.
“Hyun…maybe later” You told him, “Mrs. Aera…will really hate me if I don’t show up”
He sighed, “Yeah. No one could ever hate you, though”
“Let’s not wait and find out” You laughed, grabbing your phone. As you headed for the door, Hyunjin watched you from the bathroom counter, but suddenly spoke, “Y/N”
“Yeah?” You turned.
He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Your heart jumped at the suddenness, and the kiss was so soft, so slow.
“Thank you” He said, pulling away, just slightly, “For…cutting my hair”
“Of course” You smiled. His fingers brushed against the skin of your stomach, and he pulled you close again, finding your mouth with his for the second time in the same breath.
Immediately, you kissed him back, and his tongue slipped into your mouth, deepening the kiss.
“Thank you…for…” He mumbled again, between kisses.
This time…you knew he wasn’t referring to the haircut.
Your mouth hovered close, nose touching his, “Don’t thank me, Hyun. I’ve only been dreaming about it forever”
“So...you dream about me too?” He asked, looking right into your eyes.
You laughed, hands coming up to his chest to push him away, “Shut up”
“Wait” He leaned in to kiss you again. You let yourself melt into his embrace, and you wanted to ask what the hell happened to his no-dating rule, and all of his damned rules about love, but you didn’t.
A chuckle escaped you, “You have to stop thanking me…”
“No, you just…you make me feel so good” He whispered, “I don’t deserve it”
Your eyebrows shot up.
Where did that come from?
“Hyun, I’ll be late” You told him, and you were crazy for willingly pulling away from him, but you wanted to respect Mrs. Aera and her time.
There was no hurry. Hyunjin wasn’t going anywhere right now, and you’d have all the time in the world to kiss him when you got back from work.
There was still time.
“We’re meeting at the Creek later tonight, right? Yeonjun might come too”
“Tonight? I almost forgot about your futile mission to make me love Daejon again”
He pouted, and you wonder how he could look so adorable after doing something so filthy, “Don’t call it futile”
“We’ll see who’s right” You hummed, adjusting your sweatshirt.
“Have a good day at work”
You felt like teasing him again, just a bit, “Maybe you should change your sweats after I leave”
He flushed red, “Stop. You’re the one that couldn’t resist me, and all just because I changed my hair”
You narrowed your eyes, “Unfair. You win”
He smiled, cheek dimpling, “I know”
»»————-
Work felt a lot like hell that afternoon.
As you sorted through the new paint, all you thought of was him.
His moans haunted you, his nose scrunching in pleasure, spit trailing down his swollen lips.
What came over you to do such a thing?
How did he let you?
The answer, of course, was simple enough.
Fucking lust. Or love. For you, it was both.
It seemed like he’d realized that you couldn’t stay away from each other, and you were thankful that you didn’t have to pretend to resist each other anymore.
“Acrylics?”
“Huh?” You looked up from where you were bent on the floor, hands buried in bubble wrap.
“Could you pass me the acrylics?” Mina repeated, standing tall on a ladder, trying to stock the upper shelves.
“Right. Sure” You reached into the cardboard box behind you. A new edition of paint bottles lay there, named summer pastels, and you handed it over to Mina.
Just a few hours more that you had to make it through.
You were meeting him and Jun by the Creek later for a night swim, and the thought of seeing him so soon again excited you. There was so much to do with him and you were looking forward to the rest of the summer.
He definitely seemed eager to explore the rest of Daejon, and you had to take him to the night market, the summer solstice festival in the park, to a paintball fest, the list was endless.
You wanted to teach him your favourite techniques about art. He’d asked for your help after all. You’d help him excel in watercolour, and gouache, and maybe he’d love impressionism. It was surreal, and dreamy just like him and you could imagine the landscapes you could paint together.
How amazing would that be?
If you and him worked on a painting together.
Your styles were so different, but they’d meld together so well, and you’d let him take the lead. You could imagine how proud he’d feel.
You hope you wouldn’t get too distracted and caught up in each other, and would actually finish the painting, and god, it would be so hot if there was paint all over him-
“You’re distracted” Mina pointed out, stretching to reach the upper shelf as she stocked new sharpies.
“I’m just tired”
She smiled, “Thinking about a boy?”
“What else did you want me to hand you?”
“You’re cute when you’re flustered, Y/N”
“I’m not flustered. I told you…I’m tired”
Your phone buzzed, and you immediately reached for it, before realising that you were technically at work, and you shouldn’t be so eager.
Still, Mina caught onto that.
“Oh my god” She laughed, “Who is he?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You put your phone face down, so you wouldn’t be tempted to check.
“Yeah you do” She smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed of it”
“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, because nothing is going on” You felt like a broken record repeating that, but it was the truth.
Your phone buzzed again, and you peeked at the messages.
They were from Seungmin.
seungmin:
hey yn
i think you may be at work but I can't get in touch with hyunjin
whenever you do, can you ask him if the refund for the last payment came in?
you:
refund for what?
seungmin:
the art classes
at the château
he was registered for the whole summer before, but since he’s not attending them anymore, we’re refunding him
you:
what?
he cancelled the classes?
“Y/N. I arranged the colors the way you like. Is it okay?” Mina interrupted, and you looked up at her, confused by what you’d just learnt.
“Yeah. It’s okay” You mumbled, reaching for your phone again.
“Can you please text whoever he is after work? I need some help with the canvas” She asked.
You nodded, “Of course. Sorry”
Hyunjin probably had a really good reason for cancelling the classes, maybe it was getting too expensive for him, and you’d ask him about it later.
“Which one even is he?” She asked.
“What?”
“Which boy?” She grinned at you.
“It’s just Seungmin” You told her, “And you’re one to talk”
“What?” She asked.
“Earlier when I came by…I saw the daffodils. Who’s the secret admirer, Mina?” You laughed, turning the tables on her.
She laughed, stepping down from the ladder, “Those were for you, dumbass”
“What?” You glanced up at her, heart jumping.
“They’re in the back room. Since you didn’t come for the morning shift, I put them in some water so they wouldn’t die”
Your eyes widened, “Can I go see?”
“Of course, but come right back please. I need some help with the easels”
Hyunjin sent you flowers?
Why didn’t he tell you? He must have wanted it to be a surprise, and you immediately stood up, dusting the dirt off your jeans as you made your way to the back room.
The daffodils were peeking out from a cut-up plastic water bottle, a stark contrast to the natural beauty of the flowers. Your heart melted. Mina had done her best, going so far as to putting them on the one shelf of the storage room that got sunlight.
As you stepped closer, the scent overwhelmed you. It had been so long since you’d gone to pick any flowers.
The petals were delicate to your touch, and you turned the bouquet around. There was no note attached from him.
The flowers were enough though, and you smiled to yourself, making a mental note to take them home with you, and put them on the windowsill by your bed.
You would thank him later.
You wanted to cheer him up anyway, and since you were going to the Creek tonight, you knew the perfect fucking way to do that. You just couldn’t wait for him to see it.
“They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Mina asked.
You turned to see her standing by the door, “Yeah. They’re so beautiful”
“Someone is waiting out there for you” She nodded back toward the shop.
“Oh, I’ll be right there” You grabbed the fragile water bottle, carrying it back out with you.
You stopped in your tracks as you entered the shop again.
Curly hair falling to her shoulders, the color of rose-gold, heart-shaped glasses balanced atop her nose, she was flipping through a Daejon brochure.
“Yuqi?” You exclaimed.
She looked up, immediately pushing the glasses up her head, and her lips tugged into a gorgeous smile.
“Seems like you’ve been up to a lot while I’ve been away” She grinned, pointing to the tourist brochure in her hands.
“I’ve been up to nothing” You laughed, stepping up to pull her into a hug, holding the flowers in your other hand.
“Fuck, it’s been so long” She hummed.
“When did you get back?” You asked, placing the temporary vase on the cash counter. You leaned against it, turning to face her.
She looked like a dream in denim dungarees and a tube top.
“I drove in early this morning. I was running a few errands for Yeonjun since then”
You crossed your arms, “Oh, he’s already making you work for him?”
She rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately, as his twin sister, I have no choice but to do it”
“What errands does he even have?”
“Ice-cream to aid his broken heart”
“Oh” You pouted, “He told you about that, huh?”
“Texted me crying last night” She shrugged, “That’s kind of why I drove in last minute. I wasn’t supposed to come home until the fall”
You smiled, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sure he will be too”
“I’m like the worst therapist” She laughed, “But…I have dealt with assholes and heartbreak before, so I may just be the perfect person”
Your eyes fell to the brochure in her hands, “What are you even reading that for?”
“There’s a beautiful picture of you in it" She said, waving the paper around.
“What?” You grabbed it from her, flipping through the pages.
It was the new tourist brochure for Daejon, and just like she said, there was a picture of you.
It was from the Paint and Wine event at the Château.
You were painting, smiling at someone off-camera, and you knew that it was obviously Hyunjin, but he hadn’t been a part of this frame.
Maybe that was better since you didn’t need any rumours around town. Still, it remind you of that night and how beautiful it was, well… until the part where Hyunjin told you he could never be in a relationship, or let himself love someone.
You folded and kept it away, looking back at Yeonjun’s sister.
“You said you drove here? From Busan?”
She nodded.
“You brought the red pickup?”
She laughed, not one for nostalgia or outspoken love, “Sometimes I think you love me just for my car”
Just outside the store window, was parked her gorgeous red pickup truck. You had countless memories associated with it — nights Yuqi would sneak you and Felix out for drives, to the night markets and candy shops in Samhae, up the hill, to the river when Minho had his fishing phase in school.
Observing your wistful expression, Yuqi smiled, “Don’t tell me you’re reminiscing high school already, Y/N”
“I’m not!” You defended, “But it was kind of fun. It was simple”
“It isn’t now?”
You shrugged, “Things have changed a lot since you were last here”
She stepped up to you, “I already know about Hana and Jun’s fallout; what else happened?”
You didn’t even know where to start. Yuqi had always been like an older sister to you, even though technically her and Yeonjun were the same age, but you’d hardly kept in touch ever since she moved.
She’d been so busy in her life, and there was so much she didn't know about you.
You fiddled with your charm bracelet, wondering how to sum up the best summer of your life, “I uh, I met a boy”
Her eyebrows shot up, “What the actual fuck? Tell me everything”
“Sure, but I have to help out Mina too” You laughed, moving back to the supplies, “You’re coming tonight, right?”
“To the Creek? Yeah, Yeonjun told me he’s going” She questioned.
“You should come! You can meet him there”
Her eyes widened, “The boy you met, he’s coming tonight too?”
You smiled, “Yeah. It was actually his plan to go in the first plan”
“Fuck. Is he cute?”
“Mmh. He is” You laughed, pushing the cart of supplies towards Mina as she stocked them, rolling her eyes at your and Yuqi’s conversation.
“You ladies are not passing the Bechdel test” Mina laughed, from the top step of the ladder.
You glanced up at her, “You know what that is?”
“Of course. How dumb do you think I am” She laughed.
Yuqi leaned against the shelf, crossing her arms, “What is the Bechdel test?”
“Like...a way of figuring out if a film or book represents women without the stereotypes or sexism, and in order to pass the test, the book should have more than one conversation between women...which isn’t about men” You explained.
Yuqi laughed, “Well, fuck me. You’re still telling me all about the hot boy you met this summer. The Bechdel test can sue me”
»»————-
Hyunjin was waiting for you by the forest trail, later that night. Liquid dripped from his lips as he sucked on a cherry, and he had a bunch in his hand.
He looked adorable, hands tucked into denim jeans, his hair pushed under a baseball cap.
“Where did you get those?”
He glanced up, a small smile on his lips, “Hey”
He pulled into a half-hug because of how messy his hands were.
“Hey”
His lips were redder than ever, juice from the fruit dripping down his neck. It did something to you, and you looked away, not wanting to relive your thoughts that overtook you at work.
He bit into another cherry, “I picked them out earlier by myself. At first, I wasn’t sure how to know which ones are fresh, because back in Seoul, I just buy them from the 7/11 under our dorm, but I don’t know, there’s something truly satisfying about picking your own fruit, you know?”
“Wow. How will you ever adapt to living in the city again?” You laughed.
His eyes crinkled, “Very sadly”
“I got your flowers, by the way” You smiled.
His eyebrows shot up, “What flowers?”
“The daffodils…that you got me?” You laughed, looking up at him.
Hyunjin seemed confused, which confused you further, “Um…”
“You…weren’t the ones who sent me those?”
He shook his head, an unreadable expression on his face, “No, that…wasn’t me”
“Oh okay. Never mind... How long have you been waiting here?” You asked, wanting to change the topic because that was fucking awkward, tugging your tote bag higher up your shoulder.
“You’re not late. I just got here early” He explained.
“To pick cherries?”
“Nope, I just needed to get out of the house”
“Oh. How do you feel now?”
He sighed, biting into another cherry, “It could be much worse”
“Oh…”
“But, hey, at least my head doesn’t pound anymore” He joked, as you arrived at the Creek.
The moon was supposed to be bright tonight, according to the forecast you looked up, but clearly nothing was going to plan, and everything that had happened since this morning had been all kinds of unexpected.
The water was enveloped in darkness, and it felt like you were looking out into nothing.
Yongbok had always fed you tales of the many elves, faeries, and sirens that lived in the deepest abysses of your town. Stories of otherworldly creatures that inhabited the depths of the Creek, which would only reveal themselves in the deep of the night, concealed in the shadows.
Obviously you’d never seen one, but you weren’t stubborn enough to tick their existence off the list.
He had told you those stories many times before, and you didn’t believe them, not really.
Still, staring out into the dark right now, you did feel a little on edge.
The water was mostly still, as all of the little streams led to this spot, pooling in this gorgeous area. You thought it was beautiful how every river across your town ended up in one place, bringing together each corner and story of Daejon - forming a whirlpool of the lived memories.
To be honest, if there were any chance of otherworldly creatures existing in the entire universe…they probably would be residing in the cool cerulean blue water of the Creek.
“What are you thinking?” His tender voice, calmer than the waters, pulled you out of your fantastical thoughts.
Looking up, you saw him stood by the edge of the cliff, on the same rock he had jumped off months before, but you didn’t know him back then. He was but a stranger to you at that time.
You did know him now, at least you think you did -- over the weeks of peeling every layer of what made up Hyunjin, you knew so much of what made him, him.
“I was…just thinking about how Yeonjun is late” You told him, crossing your arms against the cold breeze.
Hyunjin’s lips curled up, “He’ll be here”
“I hope he didn’t ditch us” You stared back at the dark water.
Hyunjin laughed, “Of course not. I think he’s just running late”
“You seem fairly confident when you’ve known him for less than a week”
He chuckled, stepping closer to you, “We can get in the water. We don’t have to wait for him, you know?”
You swallowed, “Get in the water, like…just me and you alone...together...?”
“Yeah”
Hyunjin standing there right now, looking like this, did not help your emotions.
Chocolate brown strands framed his face, grazing his cheeks, and the rest was pulled up into a bun, messy, uneven, so fucking attractive.
And even if all those tales Yongbok and the town-dwellers told you were false, Hyunjin was the closest thing to an ethereal, out-of-this-world, ripped straight out of a fantasy novel creature - that you'd ever see.
If those stories had been written in today's age, they would probably all be about him.
The t-shirt you'd picked out this morning fit him far too well, the zipper stopping at his chest, burgundy sleeves hugging his arms and biceps just like you wish he would hug you.
You were surprised when you’d seen him in that, and you definitely hadn’t been subtle enough this morning.
He tilt his head at you, “Is there a problem with that? If it's just you and me in the water, alone?”
Was there?
The hint of a smile made it's way onto your face, and you reached up to untie your halter top, and even the fiercest creatures in Daejon couldn’t intimidate you right now as much as he did, “No...there's no problem at all, Hyun"
His eyes fixated on you, as you slipped off the top, revealing the swimsuit you’d picked inside. Light-pink, it hugged your body far too tightly, but he didn’t seem to care.
He stared at you, unabashedly, unashamed, as you kept the top to the side, with the rest of your stuff. His eyes flickered over your body, and then back to your face.
“Your turn” You told him, crossing your arms.
“Okay” He chuckled, reaching up behind his neck, to take off his shirt, and your pulse went frantic and you felt so silly.
Hell, you’d seen him shirtless only hours before, but it was never enough, and he looked so fucking pretty in the moonlight.
You reached for the button on your shorts, popping it open, and Hyunjin watched as you slipped them off your legs, stepping out of them. It was chilly tonight, and you bent down, to put all of your stuff inside your backpack, and you were so fucking excited to show Hyunjin what you’d been planning. He would love it so much—
“Jisung called me”
You looked up, “What?”
“Yeah” He released a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. I’m ruining this moment”
“No...that’s okay. How is he doing?”
“As good as he can be right now, but...” He sat down on the rock, staring at the water, “I feel bad that I’m not with him”
“You’ll see him in a few weeks though, wouldn’t you?”
Hyunjin swallowed, “Yup”
You’d been expecting that Hyunjin would feel better after…what happened earlier this afternoon, but maybe it was naïve and stupid of you to assume that. You couldn’t change his life circumstances. You made him cum, you didn’t fix all the problems in his life.
You felt defeated, because he certainly didn’t seem to be in the mood for this.
And why should he?
His best friend was going through shit, and he could do nothing about it.
“Are you sure you wanna do this?” You asked.
Hyunjin glanced up at you, “Do what?”
“Swim. We don’t need to. I know you’re not in a mood to…we’re only doing this for me—”
“No, I wanna do this” He interrupted, “Did I…made you feel like I didn’t?”
“Maybe we can just wait for Yeonjun” You spoke, joining him on the rocks, “He must be close”
He nodded, crossing his legs on, “Yeah, he must be. So who do you think the flowers are from?”
You turned to him, pulling your knees to your chest, confused, “I don’t know. I…just assumed it was from you”
His face fell.
You smiled, to reassure him, “Don’t worry. They’re probably sent to the wrong person. Or maybe they’re consolation flowers for not getting the apprenticeship”
Hyunjin frowned at the mention of that, “Once I get back to Seoul, I’m definitely giving a piece of my mind to that shit company”
“What?” You laughed.
“They’re crazy to deny you” He expressed, turning to you, “Have you thought about…applying to another?”
You glanced at him, “Another program?”
“Yeah” He wrung his hands together.
You shrugged, staring at the dark water, “Not yet. I’m not proud enough of my work to send my portfolio again, and I’m…not really over the rejection”
“So, what, you’re gonna just give up?”
You shook your head, “No, of course not, Hyun. I’m just gonna take some time off”
“You can’t do that”
You frowned, the urgency in his tone unmistakable, “Why…? Isn’t it a good thing to take time to myself?”
“No, because-” He turned to you, grabbing your hand, “You’re so fucking good at what you do. Right now, there will be so many chances…and opportunities that you could get. Do you know how many companies I auditioned at before I got selected at Pegasus?”
Your face softened, unfamiliar with this urgency, “No, I…didn’t know that, Hyun”
There was so much you still didn’t know about him.
Realisation sank into his face, “Yeah. Well, it was a lot. If I’d given up, do you think I’d still be here right now?”
So much you yearned to know.
Why did he choose to audition in the first place? What made him even go after this profession?
And then more. Stuff about his life that didn't matter, or maybe it did.
Who was his first kiss? What was his favourite book? His worst heartbreak? The first girl he fucked? Your curiosity would rip at the seams and maybe it would never end, because the things you wanted to know about him were endless, and now that time was slipping away, it was the only opportunity to stop thinking and start asking him all of those things.
There was no point in dwelling on the what-ifs.
Hyunjin was here now, and you would not hold back anymore.
“How do you do it?”
“Do what?” He glanced at you.
“Stay so fucking positive, despite everything. If I was in your place, I think the apprehension and fear would have killed me”
His lip tilted up, “It’s not always this way. This year is just not a good one for us. I guess because people are finally beginning to know who we are, it just invites so much more hate, and anger”
“I don’t understand people”
“I know” He sighed, “But for the amount of hate, the love we get...it cancels out all the bullshit”
Hyunjin spoke of love in so many ways, except one.
“Like…” You picked at the pebbles with your nails, lowering your voice, “Some people are so evil”
Hyunjin nodded, “Mmh, but let’s... forget about them tonight. For the time we have left, I don’t want you to spend it inside your head”
“The time we have left...” You repeated, and you would forget about those people tonight, because tonight was special, “I have a lot of things I wanna do with you”
“You do?” He looked at you, voice unsure.
“Yeah” You smiled, “You’re going to love it. There’s so much stuff that happens the end of summer, like the solstices festival, and I still have to teach you so many of my favourite techniques! So I...I was thinking that we could paint together—”
He swallowed, “Maybe we should just take it one day at a time, Y/N”
You stopped mid-sentence at his words, “Oh”
You were getting carried away.
Hyunjin sighed, realising what he’d said, “Because…I mean, you know…eventually, I’ll have to go-”
It just reminded you that this was so temporary.
Your thing with him was temporary — whatever that thing was.
Hyunjin would just walk out of your life, and his life would go on as it always did.
Was there a point to what all you had planned, if he was never going to see you again after that?
“Yeah I know” You interrupted, “Let’s get in the water”
“Y/N…” He spoke, reaching out to your cheek, “We came here for a reason, right? You love this place, and so you’d have a good-”
“I am having a good time” You stood up, standing by the edge, and you would.
Tonight was supposed to be special.
He joined you, staring at the drop, arms crossed, “Are you gonna ask me to jump again?”
You laughed, “You’ve done it before”
He glanced at you, biting his lip, “Together?”
It wasn’t that scary, but this was only his second time here, and so you took his hand in yours, letting him grip you tightly.
And then you stepped forward into nothingness, stomach lurching at the sudden drop.
You’d jumped off this rock a hundred times before, but this time you still didn’t feel prepared.
The cold water swallowed you both, and for a minute or what felt like hours, everything was blank.
It was black, and blue, and freezing, and you couldn’t see where he was, and your head pounded with the pressure, and for a second, you feared your worries would weigh you down until you couldn’t come up —
But then Hyunjin pulled you up out of the water, holding you tight.
You gasped for breath, taking in fresh air, yet it still felt like all the oxygen had left your lungs, because he was touching you so close.
Hyunjin shook his head, to get the hair and water out of his eyes, “Fuck. The water’s fucking freezing”
“It is” You shivered, drifting closer into his arms, to share in his body heat.
The water finally settled around, ripples from your jump dissipating, and if there were any creatures in the water they surely would have woken up by now.
“This is what you missed about Daejon? Freezing your ass off? I can see why you hate this town”
You laughed, loudly, gripping his shoulders, “Shut up. It’s nice if you let it settle”
His teeth chattered, and he was so dramatic because it wasn’t that cold. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him to you, “It’s better than a cold shower”
“What do you even love about this?” He asked you, “It’s better in the morning. It’s warm and I don’t get hypothermia—”
You grabbed his chin, making him look up.
He did, mouth parting, in awe of the view.
The stars had never been as bright as they were tonight, and he sucked in a sharp breath, “How is it so clear? It’s…even better than the hills”
“There’s no lights here, so you can see them much clearer”
Hyunjin’s gaze stayed up to the sky, as he watched the stars twinkle.
“Shit, isn’t that gorgeous? I can see all the constellations from down here” He spoke, “Wait, I think I know that one. It’s Cassiopeia”
Your heart stung at the reminder, but you calmed yourself.
One day at a time.
Tonight would be great.
You tilt your body back, floating on the water, and Hyunjin held onto your waist, drifting with you in the cesspool of your lived memories.
Time felt like it stretched into hours, as you watched the stars move so slow, as the Earth spun, and Hyunjin’s fingers kept you rooted to reality, and your perception of everything was different here.
You almost expected to look up, and be back in the past somehow, and the thought was terrifying because as much as you wanted things to be good again, it couldn’t happen at the cost of Hyunjin.
The stars blinked, disappearing every other second, reminding you of a memory you’d forgotten - you’d actually planned something for him, and you were going to miss it, because you were stupidly stuck in the past, when your present was already so perfect.
“Fuck” You straightened up, “We need to get out of the water”
There was something Hyunjin needed to see.
And it had to be now.
“What?”
“We might have already missed it” You immediately swam back to the bank, and Hyunjin followed, confused why you were getting out of the water so early.
“Missed what?” He laughed, as you lifted yourself out. The wind pricked your skin. You slipped on your flimsy top, and there wasn’t any time to wear your shorts and you can’t believe you fucking forgot about this.
How lost were you?
“Why are you getting dressed?”
“It’s…like your thing on the Château” You told him, grabbing his hand to drag him away from the water and into the woods, not wanting to spoil it anymore.
“What thing?” He stumbled after you, still dripping wet from your short-lived swim.
“The town lights on the hill. Remember you showed them to me?” You spoke, as you pulled him through the underbrush.
“I remember” He was confused, following as you ran through the clearing, into the denser part of the woods. The sound of crickets surrounded you, drowning your little gasps of breath as you ran through.
The leaves crunched under your hurried footsteps, pushing past the twigs in your way.
You hadn’t been there in a few years, but there was no better time to revisit.
He had to see, and he had to now.
He would love it, you know he would love it so much.
If anything in Daejon could make him feel grateful and happy, it was this place.
“But where are we going?” Hyunjin almost whined, trying to keep up with you. He was much taller so it should have been easier for him, but he was still stumbling through, clearly not used to the wilderness and the city boy inside him was peeking out.
“We’re almost here!” You promised.
“Can’t you at least tell me—“
Your abrupt stop made him bump into you, and he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did you step on-”
“I want you to close your eyes”
His eyebrows shot up, “What…?”
“Just…” You grabbed his hands, “Please listen to me and don’t ask any questions”
He laughed, amused but slowly closed his eyes, and you grabbed his warm hand in yours. You lead him deeper into the clearing, and he hesitated.
“Don’t make me fall into a ditch—”
“Just trust me, Hyun” You told him.
“I do trust you. I just don’t want to get hurt blindly walking through a forest” He asked, stepping over the leaves, and pebbles that he felt under his feet.
Your smile grew, as you finally made it to the clearing, a view prettier than anything in the entire universe.
You hadn’t come here in ages.
You turned to face him, catching your breath, “Okay. We’re here”
“Where? Can I open my eyes now?”
You laughed, because Hyunjin was such a hopeless romantic, but he was so impatient too.
Amongst the Daejon woods, was a clearing, where the terrain was flat, and the woodland plants grew tall - a mix of orange and purple flowers, surrounded by thin weeds.
But, the most beautiful part of this clearing, was what you’d brought him to witness.
“You can open your eyes, Hyun”
Confusion painted his face, in the form of suspicious furrowed eyebrows, until he finally looked up, realising just why you brought him here.
His mouth fell open in awe, eyes widening, as he took in the scene.
“Oh my god”
Soft, twinkling lights illuminated the entire clearing.
A hundred of them, bright lights, flying above the canopy, like stars shining through the canopy.
Stars that flew around, bumping into each other, creating paths and patterns that could never be replicated even in constellations.
Fireflies.
Hyunjin’s eyes were lit up, mouth parted in amazement like never before, watching the little lightning bugs illuminate the dark woods.
“Oh my god” Hyunjin repeated, a chuckle of disbelief escaping him. He clutched his stomach tightly, as if he couldn’t believe he were here, turning a full circle to take in the view.
“There’s so many of them” He breathed.
A smile overtook your lips, voice soft, “Do you like it?”
He turned to you, pure adoration in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas morning, like a boy in love, but not with you, with what you’d done for him.
“How did you know they would be here?”
You shrugged, coyly, “A coincidence”
His gaze softened at your words, “You planned this”
“I did…I wanted to show them to you”
He looked up again, getting distracted in the way the fireflies flew above the canopy, “It’s so beautiful”
You swallowed, “I wanted to show them to you…before you have to leave. I thought it’d make you feel better, even if only temporarily. I know you’re having a hard time, and I just thought you should see this because—”
When you looked up at him, he was staring at you, not the fireflies anymore, an unreadable expression in his eyes.
His gaze pierced through you, and then flickered to your lips, “Thank you”
You swallowed, suddenly nervous as you looked up at him, “Earlier you said you wish you had a different life, and you’d be happier somehow and I want you to know that’s not true. You can be happy in this life, I know we still have a lot of time, but I don’t want to miss any moment—”
Hyunjin cut you off, pressing his lips to yours.
You let out a noise of surprise, as his arms gripped you, pulling your body closer to his. You stumbled into his embrace, immediately kissing him back. His chest was still glistening with water droplets, and his hair was dripping, sticking to your face, to your lips.
Cold, and wet fingers grabbed your cheek.
His mouth felt hot on yours, as he pressed his chest to yours, wasting no time in pushing his tongue into your mouth.
“Hyun-” You whined, pulling back an inch to breathe, but you didn’t want to breathe anything except his taste.
“I have to tell you something, Y/N”
At first you thought you misheard him.
“W-what?” You paused.
He kissed you again, holding your face in his hands, “It's...very important”
His voice was suddenly heavy with emotion, and you realised that no you did not want to know.
You’d push your curiosity to the side, and fuck that, because you didn’t want to know anything that would break your heart, and what Hyunjin was going to say definitely would.
“I don’t wanna know. Not now. Just kiss me, please”
Hyunjin’s gaze softened, “Are you sure?”
“Please” You pressed your mouth to his, “I just want you right now”
“Y/N…” He breathed, against your lips.
It was hard to speak, and you didn’t even know what you were feeling at the moment, “I just want tonight to be perfect, and I want you so much”
“Okay” He breathed, pulling your face back to his, and you kissed him, trying to erase everything he was going to say, and this could have been a beautiful moment but perhaps you weren’t the only self-destructive one.
Perhaps it was far too perfect for Hyunjin to handle, and that’s why he was trying everything he could to destroy it, but you wouldn’t let him.
So, you kissed him, until you both sat on the grass, and your knees touched the forest floor. He was on his knees too, holding you to him, hands clutching your face to still have the semblance of control.
You kissed him until the pebbles and rocks under you stopped hurting, leaving imprints on your skin forever just like he had.
You kissed him until he’d swallowed all your tears, and until denial tasted just like the cherries he had sucked on.
You kissed him until he was hard, and he mumbled, “Baby...”
He pressed you to the floor, crawling on top of you.
He never broke the open-mouthed kiss, and everything was so wet, with your spit, with the water from the Creek that still hadn’t dried off, with your soaking underwear.
His weight on top of you was new, and it was unfamiliar, and you don’t know when it would ever happen again, so you tried to memorise it. Your hands sifted through his freshly-cut hair, and it remind of you this morning, and of how beautiful he’d looked, and how different things were.
Hyunjin at seven am was so different from him now.
You wanted to learn him, and discover who he was at every hour of the day.
Hyunjin’s hands grabbed yours, and in a single move, he pinned them over your head, taking control of you.
Your hands pressed into the grass, and the rocks, and you were at his complete mercy.
“I…couldn’t focus on work today because of you” You complained, when he pulled back to breathe.
“What were you thinking about?” He whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, pushing his knee between your legs.
“Fuck” You mumbled, and his other hand dropped to your stomach, holding your body down, and it was so fucking sexy you couldn’t stop your whines, “About how pretty you look, about how big-”
He let out a groan, pushing his hardening cock against your swimsuit bottoms, “It’ll feel more perfect when I’m inside you”
Blood rushed to your head, and you tilt your head back, as he planted kisses all over your collarbone. His hand slid under your sweater, squeezing your tits in his hands as he grind against you.
You wanted to touch him, but he didn’t let you, keeping your hands at bay, and it was so fucking hot and you were so wet.
“This swimsuit…is so fucking adorable on you” He mumbled, fiddling with the strings of your bikini bottom, “Is it okay if I touch you?”
“Yes, yes, please”
Why was he even asking?
And then he pressed his fingers into your core, over the thin fabric, and you almost passed out at the touch.
“Fuck” You moaned, squirming, “Don’t tease me”
He nodded, swallowing your whimpers, “I won’t. I was just making sure you’re ready”
“I am” You all but begged.
“I know” He smiled against your lips, and true to his promise, pulled the waistband of your pastel-blue panties forward.
You could still see the fireflies from here, the twinkling lights in the sky, and you wanted to remember how that looked, but Hyunjin was rolling his hips against yours, and you couldn’t focus on anything else.
You let out a loud moan, when his hand slipped inside your underwear, and he was so fucking sweet as he kissed your cheek, “Will you let me finger you now, baby?”
“M-”
“Y/N?” A familiar voice interrupted, echoing in the woods, and Hyunjin immediately stopped, pulling back to look at you.
“Did you hear that?” He asked you, eyes half-lidded.
You were so distracted by his dilated pupils that you didn’t register that someone was calling your name, and you would have chosen to ignore it, but Hyunjin was already standing up, pulling you to your feet.
“Y/N?” The voice sang again.
“Shit” You cursed, squeezing your eyes shut.
“Who is that?” Hyunjin asked, fixing the straps of your top, pushing them back onto your shoulders.
You ran your hands over your face, trying to gather your bearings, but your head was filled with a cloud of lust, “It’s…her”
His eyebrows shot up, as he tugged your sweater over your swimsuit, “Who?”
“Y/N?” The voice called out again, as footsteps ran out into where you were.
She stopped, feet skidding against the dirt, as soon as she saw the two of you.
Hyunjin turned to her, eyes widening.
You flushed with embarrassment, because if you heard her…that means she definitely heard you moan.
She stood still, staring at the two of you, and it would almost be comical if you didn’t feel slightly ashamed.
Her rose-gold hair was pulled up into two ponytails, a red swimsuit hugging her curves.
“You must be Hyunjin” She blurted, “I’ve heard so much about you”
“Oh” He trailed off, looking back at you, and you could see he was trying to restrain the hard-on in his swim-shorts.
You were still so lost, head fuzzy, because what was Hyunjin going to tell you before you interrupted him?
Yuqi looked apologetic, “Sorry I ran in here, I parked my car and then I saw your clothes out by the rocks, and I assumed the worst, like you never know what goes on in these woods, there could be some serial killer, and I literally fell asleep watching Friday the 13th last night, and if you’ve seen that, you’d know that—“
“I haven’t seen it” Hyunjin interrupted her.
“Oh. You should. It’s…nice”
“I don’t really like horror movies”
“I’m Yeonjun’s sister” She added, an awkward smile.
“Ohh. You look like him”
“Yeah. Cause we’re related”
She looked around the glade, “Did she bring you out here to see the fireflies? I swear she and Felix are so obsessed with thi—”
“Where’s Yeonjun?” You interrupted.
“He’s already in the water” She jut her thumb back towards the water, “I’ll see you guys there!”
She ran back through the woods, and it’d be funny if you didn’t feel so frustrated. You and Hyunjin had horrible timing…or maybe it was fate’s way of saying you weren’t supposed to be doing this.
“She definitely knows what we were doing” Hyunjin spoke, softly, hand slipping inside his shorts to adjust, and you looked away.
“Yeah, but you can trust Yuqi. She…won’t tell anyone”
This was reckless. There were a lot of kids and groups from town that hiked in the woods, especially in the summer.
Hyunjin was already dealing with scandal upon scandal, he didn’t need you to make it worse.
His gaze fell to the floor, “I’m sorry for getting carried away. That was stupid”
You nodded, “Yeah. It was”
“We should be more careful” He mumbled, but you could see the frustration in his eyes as he began walking back.
You followed him, trying to calm your breathing, “It’s a good thing it was just her”
“I didn’t even know Yeonjun has a sister”
“Yeah, she lives in Busan” You told him.
“She has a car?”
“Yeah”
“I was going to rent one” He spoke, as you fell into step with him.
"You were?” You turned to him, “What do you need a car for?”
He shrugged, pushing through the rustling leaves, “I…got us tickets to something”
“Well, I’m sure Yuqi would let you have it for an evening. You don’t have to rent one”
“That sounds good” He nodded, shooting you a soft smile as you finally caught up to Yuqi and Yeonjun, who were already in the water.
They were splashing each other already, asking you to jump in.
Hyunjin headed to them, but you reached out to him, “By the way, tickets for what?”
He laughed, looking sheepish, “Can that part still be a surprise?”
»»————-
Fortunately for you, the curiosity about the surprise only lasted for a day.
“You’ve never seen Jaws?”
“I’m not really a monster movie kind of guy” Hyunjin replied, arms crossed against his chest as Yuqi gaped at him, an almost comical expression on her face.
“Does that mean you’ve never seen Chucky either?”
“I happen to like dolls, and I don’t want to change that”
They’d only known each other a little more than a day, and were already comfortable enough with each other, thanks to the hours spent last night swimming and getting to know each other.
“You’re fucking kidding me” She stated, then turned to you, “Where did you find this guy?”
“Leave him alone, Yuqi” Yeonjun replied before you could speak, and you laughed.
“No, because monster movies are easily the best genre!” She told Yeonjun, who’d already stopped listening, and was checking the tickets on his phone.
The drive-in theater was busy tonight, as a crazy amount of families and couples had come out to watch the iconic screening of Jaws.
Hyunijn had insisted that you come here tonight, another thing off your list that you’d mentioned to him, and the fact that Yuqi just happened to have a car — was a cherry on top of a perfect coincidence.
When they’d learnt of your plans, Hyunjin had been kind enough to let them come along with you, because he enjoyed their company as much as you did.
You don’t know why Hyunjin was rushing through the things, but you couldn’t complain.
Every summer, cars would line up until Mrs. Erin’s noodle shop, and a huge projector and screen were set up, facing the woods.
They usually played the same movies on loop, so you’d already got tired of the the same blockbuster tropes. Being Yongbok’s friend, you had had no choice but to indulge in every single one of these films.
Still, tonight was different, because Hyunjin was here now.
Every time you came in the past, you would borrow Yuqi’s car since her pick-up truck had space in the back to squeeze all of your friends, with thick blankets and enough snacks to last double-features. Her truck was also ideal for star-gazing and movie nights like this.
You stood leaning against it, in the minutes before the movie began. As of now, they were only showing previews and trailers, as everybody parked their cars.
“I’m not a fan of watching people get ripped apart” Hyunjin replied to her, his voice low.
“Can’t believe you’re a softie” She tilt her head, as if analysing him top-to-down. Hyunjin’s cheeks turned red at her scrutinising gaze and he turned to you, for help.
He looked extra adorable today, in a white button-up shirt, and faded boyfriend-fit jeans.
You laughed, pushing the pebbles at your feet, “You’re on your own, Hyun”
He sighed, turning to Yuqi, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the thrill, I just prefer to indulge in a different kind of …excitement”
“Yongbok must hate you” She laughed, “He’s obsessed with those movies. Have you two met yet?”
Your eyebrows shot up, and you saw Hyunjin stiffen.
You spoke, before he could, “Um, yeah they have”
“How did he approve of you then?” She asked, eyes wide.
“Yongbok doesn’t have to approve of anybody” You rolled your eyes.
“Yeah, yeah. You two just don’t seem like you’d get along” She told him.
Hyunjin’s expression was calm, and reserved as she said that. You realised that while you’d heard plenty of opinions from Yongbok about him, you had no idea what Hyunjin felt about him.
Hyunjin smiled, “He’s a cool guy. I’m sure if we hung out more, we’d get along”
His eyes landed on yours, and you agreed, “Yeah. I’m sure you would”
“So then what do you like? Don’t tell me you’re into that cheesy Notebook shit” Yuqi narrowed her eyes at him.
“I’m sorry I just happen to have a more refined taste than you, Yuqi” Hyunjin replied, catching you and her by surprise as she gasped. You laughed, proud of how he’d already learned to deal with her.
“Okay. I see you, Hwang Hyunjin” She hummed, smiling at him.
“These tickets should get us a popcorn and soda combo. Is there anything else you need, guys?” Yeonjun asked, squeezing his phone back into his jeans pocket.
“That sounds good” You answered, “I can go get the snacks”
“No, me and Hyunjin will go” Yeonjun smiled, looping an arm around him, “Won’t we?”
Hyunjin smiled, shy gaze falling to the floor, “Yeah, of course”
They walked to the pop-up booths, and you and Yuqi hung back, watching the crowd filter in.
“He’s sweet”
“He is, isn’t he?”
“Where did you find him?”
You laughed, “I didn’t. Hana found him. Kind of”
“Where is she, by the way?” Yuqi asked, glancing up at you.
“I haven’t seen her since the party” You shrugged.
“Ah. The party Yeonjun went to?”
“The very same” You sighed, wanting to forget the nightmare Lakehouse party, “You and Hyunjin were talking a lot last night in the water. What about?”
She waved a hand dismissively, “Oh. He was just asking me about Felix”
You turned to her, “Felix? What did Hyunjin want to know about him?”
“Just a lot of random things, it wasn’t an important conversation"
What random things?
You searched the crowd for the boys, but your gaze landed on a recognisable silhouette, walking away from you, clutching a tub of popcorn tightly in his hands.
Light blonde hair that stood out in the crowd, and he was in a leather jacket, and there was a grin on his face. You’d missed seeing that so much.
He looked so different, yet so familiar, and your heart ached in the wake of all that familiarity.
“Oh, isn’t that him right there?” Yuqi asked.
“Yeah. It is”
“Aren’t you gonna go say hi?” She laughed, confused at your somber tone.
“Um. I should. I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Of course. Tell him I said hi!” She smiled.
You walked over to him and you felt nervous, but you had to have this conversation sooner, than later.
“Lix?”
He turned around at your voice, eyes widening in happy recognition.
Immediately, he smiled, his entire face lit up, “Hey. It’s been a while since I saw you”
You hadn’t seen or talked to him in what felt like forever.
“I didn’t think you’d be coming tonight”
He laughed, “Why would I not? You know how much I love Jaws”
“Right. I…remember”
“What are you doing here?” He asked, stepping closer, to hear you better over all of the crowd, and the sounds of the previews.
“I…” You trailed, point to the projector, “The movie”
“Right. The movie” He laughed, tub of caramel popcorn in his hands and Yongbok hated caramel so you wonder why he was holding it this tight.
“Are you here alone?”
“No, I came with Eunbi” He responded, gesturing to where she probably was, not that you cared for that right now.
“Oh”
He tilt his head, “Did you get the flowers, by the way?”
Your eyes widened, “You…sent me the flowers?”
He chuckled, “Did you hate them or something?”
“No. I...” You trailed off, unable to comprehend why Felix would send you flowers, of all things in the world, “I love them. They’re great...”
Was that his attempt at an apology?
“I’m glad” His eyes crinkled.
“Yuqi’s here” You blurted, wanting to not talk about this any longer, because it just made no fucking sense.
“Yuqi?” He laughed, seemingly not affected by your ignorance to his gift, “She’s back in town?”
“Yeah. She drove in last night”
“From Busan?”
“Mmh” You nodded.
“She’s still the same?”
You smiled, “Yeah. She is exactly the same”
He looked around, trying to spot the iconic red pickup truck, “So you’re here with them then?”
“Hyunjin too” You added.
Felix’s gaze changed, and he nodded, “Right. Of course”
“Yeah”
He took a step back, smiling, “I guess I should let you get back to him"
Felix looked so happy, so much like his usual self, you felt safe again and you had to ask, “What did you…want to say to me? The other night, when you texted me?”
He laughed, except it seemed forced, “Um, forget that. I was just tipsy, and I was missing you”
You recalled his texts, “No, you said you realised why you’d been acting this way. What way?”
“Well…” He tucked his hands in his pockets, and stepped even closer. Under the lanterns, his eyes sparkled in a way they hadn’t before. Was it because it had been weeks since you’d seen him this happy, or was it just that you’d never gone so long without him?
“I yelled at you, at the cabin, at the party. The one you organised, just for me”
“I remember”
He sighed, “I’m sorry about that. It was…uncalled for, and I was an asshole, for doing that to you, when all you’d been doing was trying to make sure I had a good night”
“Why are you apologising to me now? All of a sudden?”
He shrugged, “I’ve been wanting to for a while. I just couldn’t find the right time, and then earlier this week, I was actually thinking about us. About the cabin, and-”
“Felix…”
“Do you remember that summer?” He interrupted, and even though you’d spent every summer the same way, you somehow knew exactly which one he was talking about.
The summer Hana and Yeonjun started dating.
The same summer you promised Felix you’d never let anything get in between you.
How did he know that you were thinking of it too?
Was it because you and him had spent your entire lives around each other, and he knew you so well?
“Yeah. I remember” You nodded, “What about it?”
“I miss that. I’m really sorry for getting frustrated at you, and overwhelmed. I was upset because-"
“Because you what?"
He shook his head, “It wasn’t just because of Hyunjin”
“Then what?”
He sighed, “That’s not important. What matters is…I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot, and how it was probably the best one of my life. We snuck out to Jeju, do you remember that?”
“I do. Your parents got so mad”
“They did” He laughed, “Anyway, so I was thinking…we could go for a swim soon, right?”
“Why?”
He smiled, “It’s the season of the fireflies. Don’t you remember?”
Your heart crumbled at the memories.
You and Felix used to go there, every summer, to play with the lightning bugs.
Was it you that ruined everything?
Felix tilt his head at you, “You all right, Y/N?”
You swallowed, because it was time to tell him what you’d been feeling, “No. I…keep thinking about how things used to be, and I miss that”
His gaze softened, “You do?”
You had to be honest now, “Do you think too much has happened…that things can never be the way they were?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…Hana and Yeonjun will probably never talk to each other again, half of it feels like my fault”
He shook his head, insisting, “It’s not your fault. They just weren’t meant to be together”
“You believe that?”
“Yeah. When two people are meant to be, everything in the world brings them closer, not further apart”
“And…what about you and Yeonjun?”
He shrugged, a playful expression on his face, “Maybe…we can be friends again”
“Really?”
“I…honestly don’t even remember what I was mad at him for. For breaking up with her, for leaving us, it doesn’t matter”
“And…Hyunjin?”
His eyes shot up to yours, “What about Hyunjin?”
You swallowed, “You and him…do you think you can ever be friends with him again?”
He shrugged, “Does it matter? He’s…going to move back to the city, and I’m probably never going to see him again”
“Why?”
“I mean…with his job, it’s not like he’s going to be visiting every summer. So I don’t think it matters if me and Hyunjin get along or not. We’ll hardly ever meet”
You nodded, the sting of Hyunjin leaving hitting you again, but then something Minho had told you came back to you, “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah, you can”
“When we were fifteen, you said you’d look for the boy from the shop, but you…never told me you found him. Why did you never tell me?”
Felix’s gaze fell to the floor, “It was..futile. It would just break your heart, Y/N”
“What do you mean?”
He stepped closer, clearly wanting to explain himself, and his voice was louder now, because the movie was beginning to play, “I didn’t want to give you false hope. When I found out who Hyunjin is, I also found out what he was doing…training in some big-shot company that would basically own his DNA if he debuted. And he did debut”
“So?”
“So…there would have been no point if you even knew his name, Y/N. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I’m sorry I lied”
Your gaze fell to the floor, because of course he made some kind of sense, it’s not like Felix was an evil person who would keep such things from you for no reason. He cared about you, and so he did what he could to protect you, even if it was wrong, “So is Eunbi your girlfriend now?”
“Where would you get that idea?”
“Seonmi told me everything”
Felix laughed, “Seonmi told you what she thinks she knows. We’re just sleeping together”
“Right. I should go-”
He stepped up to you, closing the distance between you, “You asked me if things can go back to the way they were”
“Yeah?”
“Why do you want that so badly?”
You frowned, “What…what do you mean?”
“I mean…Hana was a bitch to you ever since Yeonjun left her. You wanna go back to that?”
Your eyes narrowed, “That’s not what I meant”
“Then what did you mean? Do you even know what you want go back to?”
“Of course I know, Lix”
“No, I think you like hurting yourself. Why are you always chasing after things you can’t have? Like that art internship in the city. Like…him”
Your eyes widened, and you stepped back, sneakers skidding against the dirt, “How…how do you know about that?”
He sighed, “Is that really the most important thing right now?”
You squeezed your eyes shut, “I was here to fix things, not to fight again”
Felix let out a breath, reaching out to grab your hand, but you stepped back.
“We’re just having a conversation, Y/N, I’m sorry if it makes you feel like I’m fighting you. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is to fight you”
“Then what are you even saying?” You mumbled, “Why don’t you want things to go back to the way they were? Don’t you want us to be friends again, Yongbok?”
“No, I don’t, Y/N”
“What?” Your eyes shot to his, because you hadn’t expected him to say that, “You…don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?”
His gaze fell to the floor, and he seemed nervous, until he looked back up at you, “I don’t think this is the best place for this conversation”
“No, Yongbok, if you’re cutting me out of your life-”
His eyes landed on someone behind you, “I’m sorry. I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I’ll see you later”
“What...?” You watched him walk away, heart sinking.
“Before you say anything, I tried my best!” Hyunjin laughed, and you turned around. He stood with Yeonjun, snacks in hand, smiling wide.
“Tried your best on what?” You asked, a lump in your throat after that entire conversation.
“There were way too many candies at the stall. I didn’t even know there’s that many flavours of gummy bears” Hyunjin noted, and then extended a packet towards you, “So I got you guys a mix of them”
“Oh...thank you” You fought a smile, following them back to the truck. Yuqi had spread out all of the blankets, to make enough space for the four of you in the back.
“That’s perfect” Yuqi reached out, taking the pack of candy from Hyunjin, “A gummy bear orgy is just what we need”
“Gross” Yeonjun sniffled, climbing into the truck, crawling over to get comfortable.
You grabbed the tub of popcorn, balancing it on your lap so Hyunjin could hop into the back too. He slid in next to you, pressing you to the side, and you pulled the blanket over yourselves.
“Are you comfortable?” He glanced at you, leaning into your ear to talk because the movie had already began.
“Yeah” You manoeuvred your legs over his, entangling them. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer, and it was easier to forgot about the conversation with Felix with his arms around you.
He smiled, dimples appearing, “Warm enough?”
“Yeah” You smiled, not wanting to ruin yet another night, “Don’t worry about it”
“The movie’s starting guys, save the pillow talk for later!” Yuqi whisper-yelled, leaning over to look at you.
“Okay, okay” You laughed, bringing your knees up to your chest, letting yourself get comfortable.
“Is the opening scary?” Hyunjin whispered in your ear to not disturb the others.
“A bit”
“Man” He mumbled, sinking deeper into the blanket, and it was cute how he tried to make himself smaller, “I’m definitely going to embarrass myself tonight”
“Why?” You laughed.
“I might scream” He mumbled, as onscreen a girl went out for a late night swim, while her boyfriend stayed on the beach. You, of course, knew what was coming next.
“You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel better” You told Hyunjin, and he glanced at you, wondering if you were being serious.
“Are you making fun of me already?” He narrowed his eyes at you.
“Of course not” You smiled, reaching over to grab his hand, pulling it into your lap.
“Is the shark gonna come now?” Hyunjin tensed up, as the music in the movie got louder, and he squint his eyes, preparing himself for a jump-scare.
He squeezed the life out of your hand when the shark attached the girl. You watched with bated breath, as people in the drive-in theater started cheering, making you laugh. He was focused on the film with unparalleled focus, even though he pretended he hated it.
“You’re so fucking cute” You blurted, already feeling so much better, mid-way through the movie.
He looked at you, eyes still narrowed, “You’re enjoying my misery”
You laughed, “I am, but only because you look adorable”
He pouted, eyes wide, “Why did I want to do this again?”
“Because you’re the sweetest boy in the world” You hummed, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but you couldn’t, not here. Instead, you settled for staring at his plush lips.
It seemed like he was thinking of the same thing, because his gaze dropped to your lips, and he mumbled, “Y/N…We can’t. Not here…”
You were in public, surrounded by tons of families, and Hyunjin couldn’t engage in PDA like this, ever. After everything that was happening with Chan and Jisung, he couldn’t risk anything of this sort.
“Sorry” You bit your lip, moving back.
His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at you, “It’s fine. We just…have to be careful about this”
This. He acknowledged it, and that made you happier than you thought it would.
It wasn’t just mistakes, or built-up tension, or lust that had pulled you two together.
It was purposeful.
And you had to be careful about it now.
You felt lost in his daze, “Can I come over after this?”
“Actually. Could I come to your place instead?”
“Oh, of course”
“My place is just a mess” He laughed.
“I don’t really care. We can still go—”
“Let’s just meet at yours” He insisted.
“Of course” You settled back, a little confused.
You tried to focus on the movie, and you almost did, for a good five minutes before Hyunjin spoke up again, “It’s not that I don’t want—”
“Can you pass me the pop soda, Hyunjin? This fucking kernel is stuck in my throat, and it feels like I'm deepthro-”
“Yuqi!” You interrupted her, “Why would you put that image in my head?”
She laughed “Just give me the soda, please”
Hyunjin blinked, looking back at her, “Shit. We… forgot to get that”
Her eyes widened, disappointing flashing through, “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go get some”
She stood up, the truck creaking under the sudden weight.
Hyunjin sat up too, pushing the blanket off himself, inviting cold air onto your legs, “No, that’s okay. I’m the one who forgot. You’ll miss the movie”
She shook her head, “I’ve seen it before. I’ll come with you, I’m already up”
Hyunjin shot you a smile, “See you in a bit”
You nodded, watching them walk off, hurrying towards the food stands, so they didn’t interrupt the other cars' views.
Yeonjun bit into the leftovers popcorn, shifting closer to you, “More for us”
“You’re right” You laughed, reaching into the tub to eat some.
“Are you having a good time?” He asked.
You smiled, “Yeah. I am. How are you feeling now?”
“Yuqi’s a good distraction” He laughed, “She’s been taking care of me”
“She’s amazing”
“Can I ask why we’re here?”
“What do you mean?”
He laughed, gesturing to the drive-in theater, “I mean, you haven’t come here in ages, and then Hyunjin bugs us about doing a movie night literally the next day…even though he clearly hates the movie playing”
You stretched your feet out, “Yeah. We’re…checking off a list”
“A list?”
“Of stuff I love about Daejon. He thinks it’ll help me feel better”
“I don’t understand why you two don’t just…date” He laughed.
“It’s impossible, Jun” You bit your lip, “Especially right now”
“Yeah. I know” Yeonjun spoke, “Did he tell you what happened with Jisung? There’s going to be some big lawsuit, I heard, against the company”
“What?” Your head snapped to his, “Did he tell you that?”
“Some of my friends at work were discussing it, when I was on the video call earlier. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?”
“No…he didn’t mention that”
Yeonjun sighed, “It’s probably really shitty for him, to watch his friend go through that”
“I can’t even imagine what Jisung would be feeling” You stared at the screen, zoning out of the movie already, even though it was gearing up towards some of the iconic scenes.
“What’s taking them so long?” He wondered, “They’re missing the best parts”
You glanced around, but you couldn’t spot them anywhere, “They must be on their way. Are you missing your emotional support Yuqi?”
He rolled his eyes, “As if you aren’t missing your emotional support Hyunjin”
You laughed, “I can go check. Maybe they’re picking gummy bears again”
You made your way through the cars, as the movie continued playing in the background.
Yuqi was walking back to you, soda in her hands. Why was she alone?
You looked around the parking lot, but you couldn’t see him anywhere.
“Hey” She shot you a smile, meeting you in the middle, “I finally got it out of my throat. Man that was so uncomfortable”
You laughed, “You...are so entertaining”
“I know” She grinned, grabbing your arm to lead you to the truck, “Come on, let’s go. I miss my dumbass brother”
“But where’s Hyunjin?” You asked, stopping her.
Yuqi sipped the soda, “Oh, he was right behind me. I’m sure he’s on his way”
“But the two of you went together. Is everything okay?
She glanced at you, but her voice was too cheerful to be authentic, “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I'm sure he’s fine”
Why did it feel like she was hiding something from you?
You narrowed your eyes, “Yuqi...tell me the truth, please”
She sighed, “He said he’ll join us in a minute. He told me to go back to the truck! Why would I question him?”
“You go back to the truck. I’ll go wait for Hyunjin” You dropped your arm from her grip, walking back over to the food stands.
“Wait!” Yuqi made a noise resembling a grumble, and ran after you.
What if he got a call from the city, what if he wasn’t okay?
He wouldn’t just walk out of the movie like that.
The noise of the film carried across the entire area, and it was so loud now, the music swelling and escalating as the film geared towards another jump-scare.
Frightful and excited cheers echoed through the parking lot, and your heart was pounding, from the bass of the speakers, and from the fear of not seeing him anywhere.
Where could he have gone?
You turned the corner from the dumpling stall, looking over towards the restrooms but the line stretched long, and he wasn’t there either.
You turned around to her, “Did he seem okay?”
Yuqi was cursing, wiping her shirt, “Fuck, I spilled my soda!”
You stepped forward, voice softening, “I’ll get us tissues on the way back, but Yuqi...was Hyunjin oka-”
Then you heard him.
Towards the exit, under the huge drive-in sign, were two silhouettes.
Hyunjin and Yongbok.
You were so far away, but you could see that they were in a heated discussion, of some kind.
“Do you know what that’s about?” You asked her, a lump rising in your throat.
Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head, “No, but Hyunjin told me—”
“They’re arguing...”
“Y/N, let’s just go back” Yuqi spoke, pulling at your arm.
You’d never seen Hyunjin like this. He seemed so overwhelmed, hand over his face as Yongbok talked to him about something.
You pulled your arm away from her grip, walking over to them, and they were so engrossed that they didn’t even notice you coming.
“When the hell are you gonna tell her?” Yongbok was saying, “After you were already gone-?”
“Yongbok” Hyunjin mumbled, breathing into his hands, “Please... try to understand”
He grit his teeth, “I don’t have to understand shit, Hyunjin”
“What is going on?” You asked, but your voice came out shaky and you thought you’d cry.
What the hell were they talking about?
You felt sick to the stomach, as they turned to you, like they’d been caught...
Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “Y/N”
You stepped closer, footsteps steady despite the absolute storm brewing inside your heart, “Tell me what...? Is everything okay, Hyunjin?”
Hyunjin looked defeated, as he stepped over to you, “I need to talk to you”
»»————-
⇐ masterlist ⇒
please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you <3
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taglist:
@thebelljug @lovhyunj @imthecuteanimal @caratinylyfe @princess-kayleigh @lovelyyyou @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @murderyoursoul @hyuneluvbot@hyunjinslovelys @danyxthirstae01 @jamaisvu97 @lixvs @lcvryu @seungly @hyuka-luvbot @neochaeryeong @xa21x @mel-the-mad-hatter @jellyjelly605 @beaann @sadbixth11 @tae-kook-lover @hyunzales29 @hyunhanji @imhyvnjin @hyynee @xpressomarstini @hyyuniverse @tulips4u @kibblesnbites @natskilou
@marsophilia @dragonyeon @yubinismn @yellowroseskolchek @lochness-butmakeitsexy @bangchan-simp @princehyun-jin @sunflowerbebe07 @hyuckie-lee @malachitehoe @leechanniee @lovesickgirl253 @itslinaaaa @lovingonchan @ladytrbl @putmetogetheragain13 @kangyounghyunhands @itsallaboutclassic @fwess @rie-cchi @w-a-v-ee @levantea @hyunelixies @a-person-with-void @jellyjelly111 @werewolves-onthe-loose @simpsarzie @pumkiinpasties @hyunhoz @xxencagedxx @agentsofsheilds @miadreams @cherrywithluvxoxo @emmie5168 @lixie-dori @thegoddessharmony @kathdearie @hyuniemie @byunhoebaek @hyunjinslittlestar @shiru-chan @bewitchedoracle @noteighteenanymore @tildisen @kenzielovescookies-blog @punks-rad @tomaytoess @vieysstuff @tanyas97 @sstarryoong @svintsandghosts @awkwardnesshabitat @kookie04sstuff @hhyune-e @reighlee-greaves
#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin imagines#friends to lovers#hyunjin fics#skz x reader#smut#angst#fluff#series#skz fics#star lost with you#hwang hyunjin x reader#hyunjin x you
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Can you write a fic for Regulus Black where the reader and him go to a planetarium?
So this is a bit old. I'm so sorry. Hopefully, it's fluffy enough to make up for it!
I've also never written for Regulus but I'm going with the very few character details we get from Deathly Hallows.
Look at the Stars, Look How They Shine For You.
Regulus x G/N Reader- Established Relationship
Warnings: The tiniest glimpse of negative self talk
Word count:
Tuesday nights became something you always looked forward to lately. It had nothing to do with classes and everything to do with the boy you sneaked up to the astronomy tower to meet with.
You can't place a finger on exactly when playful jabs and jokes start to bleed into something more. It felt natural, some pull to the youngest Black boy. Something that he felt in return, pointed out by your loving but annoyed friends who were tired of seeing you two pine over each other.
It quickly became a part of your weekly routine to meet at the astronomy tower after you started taking classes and would rattle on for hours about the different stars and constellations. Regulus just sitting there smiling at the excitement in your voice.
When you got to the top of the stairs, you saw the moon reflecting on him, making the outline of him visible. You walked over and plopped down next to him, placing your hand on top of his.
“Regulus. The brightest star in its constellation.” You point out to the twinkling star, almost right above you two. “Some people call it the lion's heart because it’s in Leo.” You can feel his eyes on the side of your head but continue anyway. “But I see it a bit differently. I mean, look at how it’s surrounded by darkness, all the black void of space, and it can still shine that bright.”
Your cheeks heat up at the line. It sounded way less cheesy when you practiced all of this earlier.
“Do you really believe that?” He asks in a small voice you would have never thought he was capable of having.
You turn to face him for the first time since laying down. “With my whole heart.”
For a second, the words hang heavy in the air. He slowly reaches up and puts his hand on the side of your face. His hands are soft and gentle on your face. He starts to lean in and your heart seems to get stuck in your throat. Even after all this time, your heart still sped up at his touch, cheeks would still heat at this attention.
He freezes slightly and starts to pull away.
He’s silent for a moment as he searches for the words. A small sigh leaves your lips without you thinking. When he goes to pull away even more you lightly put a hand to his cheek, copying his earlier movements.
“What's wrong?” You ask in a gentle voice.
“I don’t know. Just the way you look at me. I’m scared I’m not going to live up to it.” He admits. He can’t meet your eyes, clearly embarrassed.
“You’re here. With me. That’s all I could ask for.” You pause as he looks at you again. “We’ll worry about the rest later, okay?”
“Okay” Is the only response you get.
You pull his lips to yours. The kiss is soft and sweet as you try to pour all the unsaid words into it . After a few moments, you can feel him relax and his hand rests on top of yours, still on his face. When you two pull away, he’s smiling widely, his eyes crinkling at the sides.
“Can you show me more?” He says, breaking the silence that hung in the air.
“Honestly, that was all I had come up with but I think I can make it up as I go.” You respond and click the remote to change the view. He puts an arm over your shoulder as you lean back into him.
He listens to you point out all the stars you could name. Laughing as he chimes in a few times with outlandish stories of how the stars got their names. The two of you stay up there for hours until the night grows too cold for both of you. He rubs his hands up and down your arms trying to generate some warmth refusing to end this moment in your own little bubble. But inevitably, a yawn makes its way out and you're reminded of how late it is on a day when you have classes in the morning.
He turns to look at you, your eyes heavy with sleeplessness, and gives you a smile that shakes off the chill for a moment. You return it before you lean back into him, a sleepy kiss placed on his lips before you start to stand. Extending a hand to him, you help him to his feet and the two of you walk down the stairs in comfortable silence.
Without a doubt, Tuesday nights were your favorite part of the week.
Um hi. So I literally had this sitting finished in my drafts but I just never posted it. I'm about to make a longest post explaining where I've been but I wanted to get this out first.
I hope it's even a sliver worth the wait and that whoever requested it is still on the app.
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Bengan oneshot
Is that the ship name?
“So, you see, the zodiac signs are not some star pattern that just determines your whole personality,” Logan said. “They’re just ancient star patterns that have been documented for centuries!”
Ben nodded as Logan showed him his astronomy book. Ben honestly had no interest in space or stars. But he did have an interest in Logan…nnnnnn’s ramblings!
Ben felt his face grow slightly red. He was still in slight denial about his crush on Logan… Logan talked a lot when he was comfortable. And Ben loved to listen.. listen to his voice, his interests, the little pauses and repeats he makes when he stumbles on a word.. Ben loves to listen to it all. He’s lucky to have a rather stoic face. He can hide his emotions and what he’s really thinking if he tries hard enough.
But liking friends.. it could ruin things. He likes spending time with Logan.. admitting to anyone, even himself, that he likes him.. might ruin that.. Ben’s never been so close with anyone before..
Logan let out a soft, dreamy sigh as he ran his fingers along the page about the Virgo constellation.
“Isn’t it fascinating that all those stars we see in the sky, the constellations, don’t actually exist anymore? Really makes you think…”
Ben was snapped out of his thoughts upon hearing Logan’s voice and he looked at the page and then at Logan before clicking his pen.
“Think about what?” Ben wrote.
“Oh, um.. yknow.. about how small we are in this big universe! Yknow?”
Ben nodded in understanding.
“Like how Taylor talks about zodiac signs?”
“Ugh, nooooo! Astrology is a bunch of bologna! I’m talking about aliens!”
Ben raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly. “Aliens?”
“Yes! The math is in their favor! Plus there are some sightings that are completely unexplainable, like that time with all those kids who were visited by an alien who said the Earth was dying and all of the kids’ stories lined up exactly! I’m telling you, Ben, we are not alone in this world!” Logan said, doing the Vulcan salute.
Ben started to laugh and Logan paused before laughing along with him, putting his hand back on the table.
“B-Besides.. what about the phantoms? They could be, like, aliens, or something..”
“Maybe.. but we don’t know what they are..”
Logan leaned back slightly in his chair. “As messed up as it is.. I kind of hope they’re aliens..”
Ben gave him a half-entertained, half-concerned look, causing Logan to laugh.
“Ya, I know, sounds pretty bad when I say it out loud…” he hugged his knees. “Just.. at least that’s something I can understand. I know stuff about space and all that.. not.. whatever is going on in the dreamworld..”
Ben gave him a sad look. He was an empathetic person. He could read people easily. And he could read Logan like the front cover of a book. He knew Logan hated being useless and not understanding something…
He gently took the book from Logan and opened to a random page and pointed at it.
“Oh..” Logan murmured, gingerly taking it back. “You wanna know about Orion?”
Ben nodded and Logan smiled. “Well, let’s start with the Ancient Greek myth of Orion-“
He was cut off by a group of guys slamming their hands onto their table, causing Logan to jump.
“Well, well, well,” said one of the guys. “Hey there, Starboy.”
Logan’s eyes constricted and he tried to scoot back his chair.
Ben’s face immediately hardened and he tried to remain calm, but he could already tell these guys were bullies.. and he hates bullies… Just the thought of them causes his hand to drift to his neck and remember that day..
Logan clutched his book tightly, holding it close to his chest, and averted his eyes. “Surprised to see you guys in a library..” Logan murmured, almost inaudible.
“What was that, nerd?”
“N-nothing!”
One of the guys raised an eyebrow and took the book from him. “What’s this? Some astrology shit?”
“A-Actually, it’s astrono-“
The guy cut him off by tearing out a page and throwing it at him.
“W-wait!” Logan exclaimed. “That’s a library book!”
Seeing them ruin Logan’s property was what broke the straw on the camel’s back. They were destroying something he loved. Just like how bullies destroyed Ben’s love for singing.
He grabbed a pen and threw it at one of the bullies, hitting him in the head.
“Huh? The hell-?” The guy turned to Ben. “What do you want, mute freak!”
He stopped when he saw Ben.
His face was dark and there was an aura around his that radiated violence.
The guys’ eyes and they both gulped and slowly back away before running off.
That was the only perk about looking so big and intimidating. Assholes like that leave when you glare hard enough..
He turned to Logan who was holding his book sadly.
“I’ll buy you a new one” Ben wrote.
Logan smiled weakly. “That’s sweet.. but this is a library book.. the librarian has trusted me for years! I’ve never returned a book that’s been destroyed! What am I going to tell her?”
“The truth?” Logan wrote, confused. That should be the obvious answer, right?
Logan’s face turned slightly red from embarrassment and he looked down, his brow furrowed sadly. “It’s.. embarrassing. Telling people I’m harassed and bullied. It makes me feel.. pathetic.”
Ben felt his heart hurt slightly and sat back down and leaned in a little close to him, putting a hand on Logan’s shoulder.
Logan turned his head to look at Ben and smiled slightly. “I admire you, Ben. You’re so strong and.. intimidating when you need to be. I wish I was like that..”
Ben looked away for a moment before turning back to Logan.
“I admire you a lot as well. You’re so passionate about stars and space. I haven’t been passionate about something in a long time.”
Logan blinked at the paper before looking at Ben. “Really? Not since singing?”
Ben hesitated before writing his response, hiding the paper as he wrote. When he held it up, he hid his face in his hand, too embarrassed to see Logan’s reaction.
“I’m passionate about you.”
Logan’s eyes were wide and his entire face and neck turned rose red.
Before Logan even had a chance, Ben stood up and quickly sped walked out of the library.
Logan was about to go after him when he saw the note he left behind.
“Need to go meet up with Aiden so we can walk home. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Logan clenched his fists and held the note for a moment. “I’m passionate about you”….
The more he read in, the more embarrassed he got and the more butterflies filled his stomach to the point he was worried he accidentally swallowed milkweed seeds.
What does that note mean? Passionate about him? What does he mean by that?!
Logan clutched his head as he tried to think logically about this. But he couldn’t.
Did Ben.. confess to him?
The thought of that…
Logan grabbed his bag and ran out of the library exist to scream into his shoulder.
“Ben liking me?! Highly improbable! I mean.. maybe he does..”
He looked at the note again, clenching it tightly.
“He’s passionate about me? What does that mean…? What does that.. mean?”
Logan’s ears turned red and he looked at his astronomy book and then the page his bully ripped out.
He opened the crinkled up page. It was from the section about the planets.
This specific page was about.. Venus.
Well.. Logan thought. That.. seems like a terrifying omen.. Goddess Venus, don’t strike me down with an absolute heart attack from how much my heart is beating…
#school bus graveyard#Sbg#ben sbg#ben clark#logan sbg#logan fields#logan x ben#Ben x logan#Fanfic#fluff#oneshot
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ohhh maybe "pull over. let me drive for a while"?? i love you <3
hi baby thank you i love you <3 @lesbiandiaz also asked for this one so i hope you both enjoy this little thing
***
When Eddie wakes up, it’s to the rumbling of the Jeep beneath him and the sound of Buck’s astronomy podcast coming from the radio, the volume turned low so as to not disturb Eddie’s sleep. Buck must’ve switched to it after he dozed off because Eddie vividly remembers falling asleep to the sound of Buck’s soft humming instead. He remembers thinking how there’s nothing he’d want more than to fall asleep to that, with his kid sleeping soundly in the backseat, for as long as they drive places together.
One look to the rearview mirror confirms that Christopher’s still sleeping, head lolled to the side and his glasses sitting crooked on his nose. He’d fallen asleep almost as soon as they left the campsite; as much as Chris likes to complain about having a bedtime at thirteen, staying up way past it last night to stargaze really took a toll on him. Out of the three of them, Eddie’s the only one who shouldn’t be tired, not when he’d fallen asleep when only a few stars could be seen in the sky. Buck and Christopher had stayed up until two, whispering about stars and constellations and planets; quietly, trying not to disturb Eddie, who’d been called in for an extra shift right before they left for their camping trip.
He’d woken up hours later with his son’s head on his shoulder, snoring softly and Buck, still awake, sitting on Christopher’s other side, leaning back on his palms and looking up at the sky. For a moment, Eddie had stared at Buck, at how beautiful he looked bathed in moonlight, his face so peaceful and relaxed.
He’d thought that by staying very still, Buck would think that he was still asleep, but something must’ve given him away because, without taking his eyes from the sky, Buck had said, “oh good, you’re awake. I can carry Chris inside his tent, but I was ready to leave you out here.”
Eddie had snorted, careful not to wake up his son. “Well, it’s not so bad out here.” He’d fallen asleep under the stars one time, he could probably do it again.
Buck had grinned at Eddie over his shoulder. “Tell that to the mountain lions.”
“I know you didn’t bring me and my son to a place where there are mountain lions roaming around.”
“Of course not,” Buck winked at Eddie, pushing himself up to his feet. “Coyotes on the other hand-” He’d trailed off with a goofy grin that Eddie had wanted to kiss off his face even though he was being an idiot (especially since he was being an idiot).
“Shut up,” Eddie had said, but when Buck had picked Christopher up, careful not to jostle him, and taken him to his tent, Eddie had made his way to the one he would be sharing with Buck, away from any coyotes that might be lurking in the trees.
“Hey,” Buck says now, pausing the podcast and turning to Eddie. “Did I wake you? Sorry, after you fell asleep too I needed something to keep me awake and music wasn’t enough.”
“No, you're good,” Eddie says with a shake of his head. “I should be sorry, I’ve been falling asleep on you all weekend.”
Buck pouts a little. “And I was the one who dragged you camping on your day off after a forty-eight.”
“Yeah, because my son’s been obsessing over constellations and planets since his school took him to the observatory and you thought he’d like to go stargazing,” Eddie says, reaching over and grabbing Buck’s hand, giving him a soft smile. Buck takes his eyes off the road for a second to return the smile, it’s genuine if only a little tired. “And he did. And so did I, even if I didn’t do much of it.”
Eddie still got to listen to Buck and Christopher geek out about planetary lineups and satellites and moon phases on the drive up, he got to tease Buck for failing to start a fire so they could make s’mores several times before he got it right (“my job is to stop fires, Eddie, not start them!”). He got to watch Buck stuff his face with as many marshmallows as he could (five marshmallows!) while trying to keep them all awake until the sky was dark enough to see anything. Christopher dared Buck to fit a sixth marshmallow and it ended with him spitting out the rest, and Eddie had laughed and told Buck it was okay, that he knew just how much he could fit into his mouth, and then he got to watch Buck blush to the tip of his ears. He also got to kiss Buck goodnight in their shared tent, and having only started doing that recently, the novelty of it still hadn’t worn off (though to be honest, Eddie doesn’t think it ever will).
Eddie’s thoughts get interrupted by Buck freeing his hand from his so he can cover his mouth when he yawns. It makes sense that Buck is the most tired. He stayed up later than Christopher last night, and even much later than Eddie, and he was the first one up this morning. He hasn’t been able to take a nap because he’s been driving. He even had to switch from music to his podcast to stay awake because both Eddie and Christopher fell asleep, and he had no one to talk to him.
“Hey,” Eddie says and Buck hums tiredly. “How long until we make it back?”
“Hm, maybe an hour until we’re home.”
Home. Eddie’s house. Where Buck will linger after dropping them off until it’s too late to head to the loft so he’ll end up staying the night. It’s something that has been happening since before they got together, only now Buck gets to sleep on Eddie’s bed with him instead of his couch.
Which is good for many reasons. One of them being the fact that Buck clearly needs some proper rest.
Right now, he’s blinking his eyes repeatedly, trying to stay alert. Eddie puts his hand on Buck’s leg. “Buck, you’re tired.”
“I’m fine,” he says, grabbing Eddie’s hand in his and bringing it to his lips, kissing it.
“You’re falling asleep, baby,” Eddie says and watches with a thrill as Buck melts a little at the pet name. “Pull over. Let me drive for a while.”
“You hate driving,” Buck says with the same little smile he gets when he teases Eddie about his permanent passenger princess status.
“I do, but you know what I’d hate more? You crashing us and our kid into a pole because you fell asleep behind the wheel,” Eddie says, kindly ignoring the way Buck’s breath hitches when Eddie says our kid. “It’s only for an hour, come on.”
It shows just how tired Buck feels that he doesn’t put up much resistance. “Hm, okay.”
He pulls the car over and they both climb out. Eddie takes a moment to stretch his legs and Buck takes the opportunity to walk over to his side and crowd him against the door.
“Hey,” Buck says, hands on Eddie’s hips, his nose brushing against his. “Thank you.”
Eddie smiles, pushing up and kissing Buck’s lips. “I got you.”
“I know.” Buck can’t help himself and leans down to kiss him again and Eddie can’t help but let him, let Buck kiss him on the side of the road, on their way back to their home with their kid still sleeping soundly in the backseat. Eddie might just stay here forever, powerless to pull away from Buck’s lips-
That is, until their kissing gets cut short by Buck yawning again.
“Okay,” Eddie says, manhandling Buck until he’s the one leaning against the door. “Let’s go before you fall asleep on your feet and I have to leave you out here with the coyotes.”
“You wouldn’t dare, you love me,” Buck says, grinning from ear to ear, looking far too happy despite Eddie’s teasing.
Eddie can’t help but grin right back when he says, “yeah, I do.” Still not used to being able to say it so freely. “Come on, let’s go home.”
If possible, Buck’s grin gets even bigger.
#i wrote this yesterday but i fell asleep before i could post it oops#hope you enjoy it <3#buddie#buddie fic#monse writes#i still have another one to write but i'm gonna reblog the prompt list again in case anyone wants to send another one#lesbiandiaz#cowboy-buck
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“He'd memorized the constellations outside of his plain when his starblind species didn't even have a word for ‘constellations.’” This is such a good line. (I think you meant to write “plane,” though.)
Did Bill’s dimension have a word for “star,” as in the shape? And did he connect it to the ones up-but-not-north before he left?
aprofessionallurker asked: Ah, never mind about the typo, I just saw the other ask about it. Innnnnteresting…….
Yeah lol. But I do appreciate that I've had two different people point out the plain/plane thing! Like sincerely—I'm always worried that my ADHD and I are missing a TON of typos and that everyone is too polite to point them out, but I want folks to point them out so I can fix them! This specific one happened to not be a typo, but the fact that y'all have pointed it out means you'd probably point out other typos too, which I'm always grateful for.
Star the shape as in ⭐️ the five-pointed one? They probably have a word for it, but since they can't see it from the top, the visual effect of the shape wouldn't have the same significance to them.
The word probably means something different depending on if they consider a star "five points like a pentagon, but with lines connecting each point to an opposite point instead of a neighboring point," or "ten points like a decagon, but half the points go in instead of out":
(they wouldn't be able to accurately draw the shape on a paper like we can, since their papers look like a line; but, to be fair, WE can't accurately draw a cube, since our papers look like a flat surface. And yet somehow we can make drawings we understand to be cubes so I'm sure they can make drawings they understand to be stars.)
If they're going by definition one, whatever word would translate into English as "star [as in the shape]" probably has a definition to them like "simple spirolateral pentagon." If they're going by definition two, it would probably translate like "isotoxal concave decagon." After all there's nothing innately celestial about a pointy five-pointed shape, it's just a geometric figure.
They also had a word for "stars" as in the celestial body: even though they couldn't see the third dimension, theoretical physicists measuring the effect of light on their world recognized the possibility that light emanated from a specific point outside of the visible world, in another dimension; and also the possibility that there were a multitude of diffuse weaker light sources that contributed minutely to the light they experienced.
They came up with words for "the primary singular source of most light" and "the multitudinous weak sources of the rest of light" that would be translated into English as "sun" and "stars," but in their own language they were considered terms for abstract unproven concepts. Like the way we use "graviton" and "dark matter" to describe thing physicists think might exist but haven't observed or proven.
Their words for "star [as in the shape]" and "star [as in the weak light source]" are completely unrelated. Bill did correctly figure out that the things he saw in the third dimension were the sun and the (light) stars, but he didn't associate the (shape) star with the celestial bodies.
Bill thinks it's kind of cute that humans named simple spirolateral pentagons after the distant light sources they see at night, even though the celestial stars don't look anything like that—either from the humans' perspective OR in actual fact. But he doubts they're gonna rename spheres "stars" now that their astronomy has advanced enough to know how stars really look. Still, the symbol they've named "star" is sorta romantic—gives the sense of something radiating out from a central point, like light from a star—kinda like how their "heart" symbol doesn't look like the organ but does look like two halves squishing together to form one whole. Visually poetic. Humans are good at that sort of stuff.
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I do hc Della as being Unwell About Astronomy Since Childhood and all that, but sometimes I do laugh at the perfectly reasonable idea that she knows NOTHING about astronomy. She never talks about space at all outside What Happened, and that would be so funny to me personally. She’s a pilot and traveler, she knows the constellations by season etc but that doesn’t do shit when you’re out there. Like if she didn’t want to explore the stars bc they’re her ✨ soul’s dream ✨or whatever, she just Wants To See Stuff and got mad hyperfixated on The Biggest Unknown Because It Was Big. Like we see her w the star maps on her desk but that’s while she’s already drafting, how funny would that be if she was like “hell yeah it’s like my plane but higher!!! Like my video games!!! I’m sure it’s exactly the same bc I totally thought this through!!!” And she just like. Ended up there. Fish out of water. Whoopsies. For comedy.
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Field Study - Chapter 13
Ao3 - Masterlist
Chapter Summary: After Astarion and Cas's tryst in the woods, they have a much needed conversation about their relationship.
Relationships: Astarion x Female!Tav
Rating: Explicit (18+)
Word Count: 4.8k
Chapter Tags: Fluff, admitting feelings, cuddling, hand holding, she's wearing his shirt.
“Do you have any interest in astronomy?” Cas lounged beside him on the blankets and bedroll she had laid over grass beneath them, gazing up at the starlit sky.
After their tryst in the forest, Astarion had carried her all the way back to their private, makeshift campsite on the border of the river. Crickets and frogs mixed with the gentle rush of water as fireflies blinked wherever he looked. Though it was well past midnight, the summer air was still warm. Warm enough that Cas felt comfortable laying around in her panties and his shirt without making use of one of the blankets.
His shirt was far too big on her, but he couldn’t help but stare. He didn’t normally wear a shirt when he rested, so he didn’t mind the theft. In fact, he kind of liked seeing her wearing something of his. Cas claimed she wanted it because it looked comfortable, but he had a feeling it was more than that.
It almost felt like she was claiming him, in a small, private, way. Just like he had claimed her with his bite mark, she claimed him by wearing his clothes. But it was more subtle than the bite. Less permanent. While those twin puncture wounds on her neck aggressively marked her as his, she quietly marked him in return. Cas knew him well enough to know he would never allow her to mark him physically. But the fact he was allowing her to wear his clothes at all…. It was something. Something difficult to explain.
Just like his feelings towards her. Difficult, confusing, and often contradictory. It was like everything about her, about their relationship, ran perpendicular to what he knew. The lifetime of cruelty Cazador had drilled into him insisted that none of it was real. That he didn’t deserve her or the moments of peace she gave him.
But there Cas was. Laying beside him with her dark eyes glittering with the reflection of a million stars. Gorgeous and understanding to a fault, but all his. At least for tonight.
He didn’t dare think beyond that.
“Eroc tried to teach me some constellations once upon a time,” she continued, completely unaware of all the thoughts coursing through his mind. She drew an invisible line with her finger as if to paint an image in the stars. “I can recognize them, but I can never remember their names.”
Astarion hummed, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t because he found the conversation boring. In fact, he typically enjoyed talking about everything and nothing with Cas. But he felt like there was something they should have been doing other than talking.
Hells, she was practically laid before him like a gift that was already partially unwrapped. Long, slender, legs bare beside him and the v of his shirt revealing the soft curve of her breasts. He could have her so easily. Any way he wanted her. That was what they were supposed to be doing, right? Wasn’t the point of the entire night to get lost in one another? To have fun?
They hadn’t promised anything else. All he knew was that she wanted him enough to look past his mistakes. But he couldn’t fathom why.
Briefly, he wondered if Cas would have suggested the hunting idea if he was anyone else. If he wasn’t a vampire. Hunting her, biting her…. Was he fulfilling some deranged fantasy of hers?
No. Cas wasn’t like that. They had talked a little bit about her research, and that research seemed to be the extent of her interest in vampires. At least, vampires in general. From what he knew, her friend Eroc was working on various treatments and quality-of-life improvements for those cursed with the affliction. Most likely for his own sake rather than for the benefit of vampires everywhere. However, Astarion never bothered to ask for details. It seemed pointless at the time.
But now? Now he wanted to know everything that was going through Cas’s head. What did she really think of him? Why did she still want him, even after what happened with the drow? Did she mean all of the things she said?
‘You’re clever and funny and you’re one of my favorite people to talk to.’
‘Whatever you’re doing with me — this whole sneaking kisses in the middle of the night — doesn’t need to happen for me to help you.’
‘Thank you for being my friend and making me laugh.’
Then there was the portrait she made for him. It was the most wonderful gift someone had ever given him. She had put thought and time into it, and wrapped it up and left it as a surprise for him. He certainly didn’t deserve such kindness. Not from her and definitely not at that moment.
He didn’t deserve someone like Cas.
Instead of looking at the stars, he tilted his head toward her. She was the prettier sight, after all. And the gods knew she shined just as bright. She seemed so relaxed. Content. Like she wasn’t expecting anything more than exactly what they were doing.
Fuck….
He was falling for her, wasn’t he? Oh, who the hells was he kidding? He had started falling for her the night she let him bite her. Or maybe the night when she brought him a bottle of wine. Maybe when he watched her draw while they were keeping watch in the swamp or when they discussed the changeling detective novel. Moments of where she didn’t gain anything from him except his company.
Hells, Cas had given him her blood just because he had asked. Without any expectations or asking for something in return. Just because she had wanted him to be strong. To be happy.
Strangely enough, Astarion found himself wanting her happiness as well. Not just his own. And he wanted to be the one who brought a smile to her face.
But that could never happen. Not while Cazador loomed over Astarion’s shoulder like a headsman with an ax. If Cazador ever regained control over him, if he ever found out about Cas…. Astarion would have to bring her to his old master, wouldn’t he? With a snap of his fingers, Cazador could turn Astarion from Cas’s lover to her tormentor. Or her executioner.
He couldn’t bear the thought.
“Astarion, are you okay?” Cas’s soft-spoken question snapped him out of his thoughts. A cute little frown tugged at the corners of her lips and he wanted to kiss it away. She turned onto her side, propping her chin on her palm as she gazed down at him, eyes full of concern. “You’ve gone quiet.”
“Just thinking, sweetheart,” he assured with a practiced smile. Force of habit, he realized. He gave false assurances all the time when he was luring people, but he didn’t want to deceive Cas. Yet, he wasn’t quite sure how to tell her what was on his mind. Or if he even should.
Her brow drew together slightly, but her frown didn’t fade. “About?”
It was supposed to be a fun night. He couldn’t let himself ruin it because he couldn’t get out of his own head for a few hours.
Astarion brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face, letting his fingertips ghost over her soft skin. “About how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have met you,” he tried, his false smile still firmly in place even though his words were technically true. It just wasn’t the whole truth.
A puff of laughter passed her lips as she rolled her eyes. “Now tell me what you’re really thinking about.”
Instead of replying right away, he caressed the side of her face and guided her lips to his. For a second, she held back, simply letting him kiss her. But then she relented. He rolled her onto her back and caged her beneath him, kissing her slowly. Giving himself a few more seconds to think.
Hells, he wasn’t even sure how to define his relationship with Cas. Beyond the fact that they both seemed to enjoy each other's company both in and out of the bedroom. What if she just wanted a fling? What if he was simply thinking too much about it because… she was special to him? Maybe it was time to admit that he wanted more. Though he wasn’t sure what “more” entailed.
But their relationship still seemed so fragile. It wasn’t but a few hours ago that he had convinced himself that Cas wanted to end their love affair. But they never really talked about what they wanted. All he knew was they wanted each other.
A warm, gentle, hand pressed against his chest until he broke the kiss. Once he did, Cas immediately cupped his face in her hands as if to stop him from trying the same tactic twice. “You’re trying to distract me,” she chided, a soft smile on her pretty lips. “If you don’t want to talk about something, just say so. I’ll leave it alone.”
“Like you are right now?”
She narrowed her eyes at him and the look of annoyance on her face drew an unexpected laugh from him. It was a more playful sort of annoyance than something that stemmed from a place of genuine frustration. Though he couldn’t really fault her if it was genuine. He was being difficult on purpose.
“Stop looking at me like that or you’ll wrinkle your pretty face prematurely,” he said and smoothed her brow with his fingertip.
Like it was the most natural thing in the world, she looped her arms around his neck and smiled up at him, eyes full of mischief. “Is that what happened to you?”
“How dare you.” Astarion placed a hand against his chest with mock offense. “You drew that lovely portrait of me and didn’t capture a single one? Here I was thinking you were a competent artist.”
Cas shrugged. “I took some liberties,” she teased but then her smile fell as her dark eyes locked with his. “And you’re still trying to change the subject.”
Instead of answering right away, he leaned down to kiss her again only to be blocked by her palm over his lips. She bit back a smile and shook her head. “Astarion.”
“Fine,” he groaned. “There is something that I want to ask you about. Something kind of important.”
“Okay,” she said as she settled back against the bedroll, her fingers playing idly with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Ask away.”
Shit. His nerves caught in his throat. He was committed to asking her now, wasn’t he? He couldn’t retreat without drawing her suspicion. Briefly, he considered just making something up. A question that sounded important but that he really didn’t care about. That way no matter how she answered, he wouldn’t get hurt.
No. He had to be honest. He had to talk to her if he didn’t want things to blow up in his face like they did before. If she didn’t give him the answer he hoped to hear, well, he could always improvise. He was good at that.
Before he could lose his nerve, he took a deep breath. “What made you decide to give me another chance?” he asked. “I was surprised that you still wanted me after, well, everything.”
There. The words were out and there was no taking them back. It wasn’t the exact question he wanted to ask, but he felt like it could get him the same information regardless. If he were to have any hope of having something real with her, then they had to be able to have hard conversations.
“To be completely honest, I was surprised too,” she said, her tone soft and contemplative as her fingers paused in his hair. “I didn’t want to at first. And I probably won’t if something like that happens again.”
Astarion could have guessed as much. It was completely understandable after all that happened. Nevertheless, the words still stung.
“But after we talked and you gave me some time to think….” Cas shrugged and gave him a gentle smile. “I realized how much I enjoy our time together. I like you a lot and I have fun with you. I didn’t want to give up what we could have over one mistake.”
Something about her choice in words didn’t sit quite right with him. On one hand, she could be completely genuine and meant exactly what she said. Nothing more and nothing less. On the other hand, ‘spending time together’ and ‘having fun’ were euphemisms he frequently used for activities of a more carnal nature. Considering how most of the time they spent together ended with them doing things with their mouths other than talking ….
He tried to shake the thought. He couldn’t let his mind go down that path, no matter how badly it wanted to. Cas was different. No matter how many times the ghosts of his past told him that nothing had changed, he only had to look at the woman in front of him to know that wasn’t true.
If Cas only wanted him for his body, she wouldn’t have been so upset over what happened with the drow. Even though their conversations turned into something more, Cas was never the one to initiate it. He did. He initiated their first kiss, second, third… their first time together, their second… Even if she was the one to suggest the idea of him hunting her, he was the one to agree to it. Knowing what he knew about Cas, she wouldn’t have batted an eye if he had said no.
His mind drifted back to the night when she saved him from that monster hunter. Afterwards when they kissed and then he changed his mind. Cas didn’t push it, even though she was very into it.
Cas never pushed him into doing something he didn’t want to do.
But… he needed some reassurance, he realized. Between the passionate kisses at the party and him taking her in the woods like a wild beast, he just needed to hear that she still saw him for more than just a body to be used. That she saw a real person inside the vampiric husk of the man he once was.
“You like me that much?” he asked, his voice much smaller than he intended as he stroked her arm with a featherlight touch. “What do you like about me?”
Cas grinned at him. “Are you looking for a sincere answer or just flattery?”
“Sincerity, love,” Astarion said and leaned down to kiss her neck. Just to give himself a moment. A brief reprieve from the kindness and patience in her eyes. He wasn’t used to anyone looking at him the way she did, so just to keep the mood light he added, “Then you can flatter me all you like.”
She hummed as her hand traced along his spine, over the bumps and grooves of his scars, from his shoulder blades to the small of his back. But the touch didn’t feel sexual. It felt nice. Comforting even. “I’ll tell you only if you answer a question for me first. Deal?”
As if she had asked him to fold the laundry or some other boring chore, Astarion huffed. “I suppose it’s only fair,” he said.
Even with his agreement, there was a sense of anxiety radiating off of her. Anxiety that worked its way into his veins and made him nervous in turn. Not knowing what to do, he delicately nipped her neck, lavishing attention around the bite mark, everywhere he knew she liked. Partly as an attempt to soothe whatever worried her. But there was another part of him that said that the better he made her feel, the more likely it was she would give him the answer he hoped for.
“Ask me,” he whispered against her ear, his voice falling into the tone he so often used when he was seducing people.
A shiver went through her when he nibbled her earlobe. The peaks of her breasts brushed against his chest through the material of her shirt— his shirt — when she arched into him. “Is this all you want from me?” she asked, her voice barely audible over the sound of her pulse. “Sex?”
Astarion stopped. It seemed like the whole world went utterling silent as her words. He blinked twice as his brain caught up with what Cas had just said.
A laugh threatened to burst out of him, but he bit it back. It wasn’t because he found the question funny. That wasn’t the case at all. But because it never once occurred to him that she could be worried about the same things he was.
Cas had every right to be worried. After all, he had planned to use sex to manipulate her feelings for him in the first place. A plan that ultimately failed, considering how he got tangled up in his own trap, but the plan had existed nonetheless.
Placing his palms flat against the bedroll on either side of her head, Astarion hovered over her so he could see her face. There was a false smile on her lips as she tried her best to pretend she didn’t care about his answer, but he could hear her heart beating like a war drum. A tear glimmered in her eye before she quickly blinked it away.
“Is that what you want?” he replied, his voice tight despite how he tried to sound indifferent.
“Not really,” she said. “But if that’s what you want or if you don’t feel ready for anything more, it would be wrong to try to change your mind.” Cas averted her eyes as though it hurt to look at him, and in the quietest voice she added, “No matter how I feel.”
The answer shouldn’t have surprised him. For two centuries he was subjected to the whims of a cruel man. What he thought, what he wanted or what he felt never mattered. Obey or be punished. That was his entire existence. But Cas was giving him a choice. A choice he never could have fathomed only a few weeks ago.
Astarion rested his forehead against hers, closing his eyes and breathing in her scent. “What would ‘more’ look like?”
A single, nervous breath of laughter passed her lips. “I don’t know,” she said. “Going on fun dates. Or dates that go so terribly we can laugh about them years later. Doesn’t really matter as long as I get to spend time with you. I just want the chance to get to know you better, because I like what I know so far. You’re smart and sweet and so fucking funny I—” Cas shook her head as color darkened her cheeks. “I’m going to stop talking before I embarrass myself.”
“Oh no,” he protested as a smile, a real smile, snuck onto his lips. “Please go on about how wonderful I am. It’s great for my ego.”
It was amazing what just a little bit of reassurance did for him. Hearing the words from her lips melted away his fears for the time being, leaving only a vague sense of hope in their place. Cas liked him. Him. Not just his face or his body. Or the fact that he was a vampire because that apparently did it for some people.
Just him.
Centuries of being used, of being exploited and abused, screamed at him not to believe her. Told him there was no way she was telling the truth. That all of this was just another bizarre act of deception and cruelty.
But he didn’t need the tadpole to know she meant what she said. It was clear in her eyes. It was clear in every part of her. Everything she had done for him, from fighting for him and even fighting against him when appropriate. It was because she saw him as a person. Not a plaything, not just someone to be used and discarded. But someone worthwhile.
Astarion took her hand in his and pressed a lingering kiss to the inside of her wrist. “I don’t want this to be just about sex either, love,” he said, doing his best to hide the faint tremor in his voice. “I’ve had enough of that to last several lifetimes. I don’t want to be thought of in those terms, especially not by you.”
Something about her expression softened. Cas smiled at him, all warmth and adoration. “If anyone thinks of you that way, then they’re missing out on all the best parts of you.”
Those might have been the kindest words anyone had ever said to him. The words were like honey. Sticky and syrupy, making him vaguely uncomfortable, but also so sweet that he almost didn’t mind. Darkness at the back of his mind told him to wash it all away before he gave in and drank it all in.
After all, some of the most fatal poisons tasted deceptively sweet.
Words failed him. It wasn’t often he found himself not knowing what to say. He had a quip or a snappy comeback for just about everything. But all it took was a few kind words to leave him utterly speechless.
So instead of saying anything at all, he kissed her. He kissed her like she was the most precious thing in the world. His lips moved against his in a slow, silky caress. Different from any of the kisses they shared before. Less urgent. Something to be enjoyed for what it was rather than what it could lead to.
Cas’s fingers sunk into his hair and she kissed him back as if she were trying to breathe him in. Like he was someone to be cherished. Someone treasured. With no pressure for anything more.
They didn’t have sex again that night. They kissed between conversations about everything and nothing. They listened to the crickets and the sounds of the lazy river as they gazed at the stars that painted the perfect indigo sky. Cas pointed out some constellations, but since she didn’t know the names, they made some up.
One of the names he proposed (and the subsequent reasoning for the name) had Cas laughing so hard she started crying. He tucked the name away in his memory so he could remind her when she least expected it. Just to see her smile. Or maybe to make her laugh at an inappropriate time. Whatever suited the occasion.
As it turned out, Astarion had an interest in astronomy after all.
—
As much as Astarion loved the sun now that he could tolerate it, the morning light crested over the horizon far too soon, painting the dawn in shades of orange and pink. However, it was still nice to watch the sun rise without having to run for the nearest spot of darkness. What made it even nicer was Cas snuggling up next to him, her head against his shoulder and her legs tangled with his beneath a soft blanket.
For a while, he simply enjoyed the moment. Warm, comfortable, with his hunger for blood sated and a beautiful person who cared for him beside him. What more could he want? Beside getting rid of the tadpole and ensuring Cazador died a gruesome death, of course. Those pressing matters aside, he felt almost… happy.
It wasn’t too long before Cas stirred. She smiled at him as she bid him good morning, her eyes still a little tired and her hair a mess. It was cute. Endearing even. It was something he could see himself getting used to all too easily, starting his day with her.
Perhaps they could start sharing a tent.
But he was getting ahead of himself. There was far too much to do, far too much that could go wrong, before he could even entertain such ideas. For all he knew, they could both be mind flayers tomorrow. Or one of Cazador’s monster hunters would come and snatch him away.
So as much as he would like to, he couldn’t let himself get comfortable. It would only lead to disappointment.
Part of him wanted to sequester themselves away for a few more hours, but Cas needed breakfast and he needed to get back to the real world. But as they dressed and packed up the campsite, erasing any physical evidence of their night together save for the bite mark on Cas’s neck, Astarion tried to commit everything he could to memory. Just to have something wonderful to keep in the back of his mind for a rainy day.
Dried leaves and twigs crunched under their feet as they leisurely made their way back toward camp. They weren’t taking the most direct route, he realized, but he didn’t mind. Just a few more minutes for just the two of them.
Walking shoulder to shoulder, he felt calloused fingertips brush against his skin once, hesitating. As he glanced down he saw Cas's fingers loosely intertwine with his own.
“Is this okay?” she asked, her voice hushed as though not to disturb the stillness of the forest.
Astarion swallowed and held her hand a little tighter. “Of course, love,” he said just as quietly, down by his best to sound casual even as his heart felt like it would burst from a simple act of innocent affection. “So long as you recently washed your hands.”
She gave him a broad grin, as bright and brilliant as the morning itself. Gods, he never thought he would love seeing someone smile so much. Seeing her happy made him feel happy in turn. It was a foreign feeling, one that he didn’t completely understand but he was in no mood to contemplate.
Her thumb brushed over his as she gazed up at him, furrowing her brow as if she was unsure about something. “Define ‘recently.’”
“Oh, just in the last tenday,” he replied as if that were perfectly reasonable. “I’m not overly picky.”
Mischief glimmered in her eyes as she gave him her best sheepish smile. “You might want to let go of my hand then.”
“Never,” he said and pressed a kiss to the back of her very clean, washed-as-of-that-morning, hand.
Cas gave a girlish giggle, a short and sweet sound that he already wanted to draw from her again. If it was because of the joke or the gesture, he couldn’t tell. But it didn’t really matter either way. What mattered was that he was enjoying the moment with her.
He wanted to enjoy every moment he could get.
She had all but given herself to him entirely last night. Not because he tricked her or coerced her, but because she chose to. Because, for whatever reason, he made her happy. The gods had given him so few gifts, and he wasn’t about to question it.
After everything they talked about, after the time they spent together and the way she made him feel, he would fight tooth and nail to keep her. It meant that he had to kill Cazador. No matter what. It was the only way he could keep them both safe. The only way they might have something of a future together. For however long that could last.
With Cas, he could picture himself living again. Truly living. That was worth whatever perils that laid ahead of them.
All too soon, their campsite came into view, and one of the best nights of his life had officially come to an end. Astarion flexed his fingers around Cas’s, unsure if he should let go because of their proximity to camp. He didn’t know if Cas would be okay with their companions seeing them like this.
Even though they all knew that he and Cas had been intimate with one another, none of them seemed to be aware of the nature of their relationship. Hells, he barely knew what their status was. We’re they a couple? Dating? Some weird limbo between friends and lovers?
A sharp gasp from Cas pulled him from his thoughts, startling him. His head whipped towards her, trying to identify what had happened. To make sure she wasn’t hurt. But he only saw a smile spreading across her face as she stared straight ahead towards the camp.
He followed her gaze and almost swallowed his tongue. His entire body iced over in an instant. Time seemed to stand still and a high pitched ringing in his ears drowned out any other sounds.
Leaning against a tree at the edge of the campsite was a man Astarion had never met, but he immediately recognized.
A wood elf. Copper skin. Sharp facial features. Dark brown hair. Even darker brown eyes.
Eyes that went from Cas’s face, flickered to the bite mark on her neck, and trailed to where her hand intertwined with Astarion’s. Like an eagle locking onto his prey, the elf’s eyes finally landed on him.
And all Astarion could do was stare back as the Huntsman of Neverwinter approached.
---
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#astarion#astarion x tav#astarion x female tav#astarion fanfic#astarion smut#field study bg3 fanfic#bg3#baldur’s gate 3
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random little things that i think the mw22 cast would like.
simon riley; “ghost”
web weaving. gathering quotes and lines from books and poetry and history, collecting lyrics and artwork, then putting them all together in the theme of a person, a place, a thing, a memory, something. creating a piece of artwork centered around a single person’s experience with something they can recall. sharing an experience, emotions, memories, without ever having to say a single word.
john mactavish; “soap”
baking using ingredients he grew. knowing every rain shower the cucumbers got, knowing the strawberries were just picked a few minutes ago. taking seeds and making something out of nothing using soil and water and the sunlight outside his home, taking that something and making it into something more, and then holding it out in offering and gift for the people he knows. making his own food, and providing it as a show of his care for the people he’s around.
john price
photography. capturing a single moment in memory forever, keeping memories and emotions stored somewhere safe, so that their faces and the place and the state of the world just then is, even as the world changes neverendingly, never forgotten, and can be easily remembered. being able to keep a moment he holds dear in his pocket, hidden from the cruelty of wars and military force. a log of his own life, so he never has to forget the things he loves.
kyle garrick; “gaz”
origami. taking such an ordinary sheet of paper and folding it over and over and turning it and folding and unfolding and then folding again, until a personally created, holdable piece of artwork rests in his hands, something he made to keep his hands busy, something he can look at and know that he made that, no matter how many tries it first took.
nikolai
astronomy. using the stars as his guide, knowing the story behind every constellation, being able to know exactly why the stars look as they do, knowing what lies beyond them and knowing what humanity is scraping their fingers along as they explore. flying at night and having more to think about than just his destination and the aircraft’s parameters or current performance. he knows that by heart. but the stars? that’s something else. knowing that he is made of stardust, and so is everyone else.
farah karim
musical theater. a story told through music, characters moving around stage, the different sets. the casts cycling through, the original recordings and covers and the sound of projecting voices echoing through the theater. the curtain calls, sound design, lights and tech crew. makeup and quick changes - over a dozen art forms coming together to create a single product.
kate laswell
making her own tea blends. taking care of plants to dry them in the sun when they’re ready, always leaving some for later. testing out what goes well with what, sharing the ones that taste the best with her wife. using natural medicinal properties for nausea, for headaches, dealing with cramps when they get bad. customizing teas to make the people she meets a tea that’s unique to that experience, every time.
rodolfo
archeology. seeing how people lived all those years ago, how humanity has progressed. ancient acts of kindness - the disabled living long lives, babies buried with the best that could be offered, pets being laid to rest with their owners, tombs telling stories about the people’s lives, gravestones showing how loved the individuals were. what daily life looked like what must have been forever ago. knowing that there will be kindness and love and war and good and bad and victories and everything that makes humanity what it is, for as long as humans have their feet on the ground.
alejandro vargas
marine science. the vastness of it all - the depth of the ocean and the strength of the currents. the diversity of life and how much such a simple substance, just water, does for the entire earth. the different terms, and especially coral reefs. how a formation worn away by time and current and sun and tides has become a central place of life and support for so many creatures. how colorful they are, how delicate, now beautiful and so incredibly necessary they are. how much there is to love about the planet he lives on.
philip graves
urban exploration. seeing everything that’s been left behind, abandoned by the people who were there before. admiring how nature has taken back these man-made structures, the wear and tear, the animals that call those places home, even if they were never meant to be there. the echoing of footsteps and voices, the light filtering through cracks in the ceiling. ivy and sunlight and dust, serenity and silence in a once bustling thing.
#just havin some thoughts#sources:#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare 2 2022#codmw22#codmw2022#characters:#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#john price#kyle gaz garrick#kate laswell#farah karim#nikolai#rodolfo#alejandro vargas#philip graves#post type:#headcanons ☁️#posted by:#znmjr 🦈
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So, I wrote a backstory for Black Hole. Call me cringe all you want but it's mostly a different universe where the contestants have parents and families, which, we don't know where they came from in actuality. But that also gives us free reign to let our creativity flow. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do!
Thank you so much to NariiennTunes as I said, a very good friend of mine who listened to me ramble about this idea and also helped in a lot of areas.
Also, note, that not all of this is gonna be completely accurate to real life astronomy. I'm still learning about it currently but I'm not gonna stress myself out over the accuracy of it because there's a literal black hole in the show and he's not ALWAYS sucking up people left and right, and hasn't destroyed their earth yet. And also, he was compressed into a smaller size. So there you have it. Now, on with the storyline!
And finally, for the people who asked to see it specifically:
@tarochinomochi
@indescribable-infatuation
Way back in the past, growing up, Black Hole, being an alien (in my headcanon/gijinka), lived on a planet called Astramios. Where stars, galaxies, comets and asteroids alike all live together personified in harmony.
Except, it wasn't harmony.
There was constant suffering, death and wars. Higher ups were corrupt and the lower class were forced to accept the fact that they'd never be treated as equal. Aliens alike brushed off constant death as if it was nothing to get sad over.
All, except for few. And one of those few was Black Hole. He was exposed to death from a very early age, his parents not exactly being the most loving or nurturing. Everybody's way of thinking on his planet—
kill or be killed.
He hated it.
He hated the constant death, the wars, the fighting, the screams—the suffering.
He grew up in the middle of war.
But, Black Hole wasn't always Black Hole.
Mu Cephei, son and prodigy of V Cephei and Ky Cygni, some of the most powerful and high class stars on their planet. With a reputation to uphold, there's no room for remorse, or emotions or sympathy. They must raise their son to be able to defend himself and honor his family's name.
Black Hole was once Mu Cephei.
His parents put excessive amounts of pressure on him, especially his dad—V Cephei, who's name was passed onto him. Constant training since the age of 10 to be a soldier, a warrior, a general. A leader.
No matter how much it tired him.
No matter how much it hurt.
No matter how much he just wanted peace.
He must be the best, and continue his family’s legacy.
Mu Cephei never liked fighting, or the training, anything that his family raised him with really—the only thing he was grateful for was knowing how to use his powers, and even then, it was only purposed for fighting.
He doesn't WANT to fight.
But, one day, he had gotten too close to a battle while outdoors, only trying to gather food for himself and his family. That was a mistake.
A blast was sent in his direction, and he couldn't avoid it—and before he knew it—he blacked out.
A while later, he had woken up, but not as his usual self. He was…darker, he felt different, and he was sucking up things around him.
He was a black hole.
By the time he came to, his parents had surrounded him, forcing him up to his feet and leading him home. He had no idea what to do, or say. They seemed angry. He did break one of the first rules they taught him, after all.
Never let your guard down.
He was…scarred, to say the least. As a star, it wasn't as hard to avoid hurting people and cause destruction, because — well…he was a star. Still powerful, but not out of control.
He hardly knew what he was now. And his parents didn't look at him the same anymore.
It ultimately left them disappointed, and ashamed of their own son. They were upper class aliens, for constellation’s sake! He can't destroy both his and their reputation like that!
But either way, they both kept training him. Trained him to re-learn everything as this new species of alien, and Black Hole did his best to follow, even when he felt out of control all the time.
By the time he was of age, the relationship between him and his parents was worse than ever—and the state of their planet was awful. It was evil.
He hated pain, he hated death, and all it had to offer.
He hated seeing others just die on the spot, even with how they all had thoughts and feelings and their own lives—but nobody seemed to care!
It often felt like he was the only one who did.
So, just like that—when he got the chance…
He left, without looking back.
It was a hard decision, all things considered, but he knew he'd survive wandering space—as long as he was careful.
But no doubt it got…lonely.
The constant silence was better than constant war, but it was still…chilling. Being all alone with nobody but yourself was lonely, isolating. But he didn't have a choice. And even then, people still got hurt by him. Traveling into space and getting sucked up by him, the screaming and then the inevitable silence all over again, and he could hardly do anything about it.
Until…he found Earth.
Coming to Earth was an odd decision. With the help of an odd, blue alien, his powers and essence in general was condensed on Earth’s atmosphere so he could live there. Before the challenge started, he was hesitant on even staying, seeing as even with the limited abilities… he was still dangerous. But overtime, he learned to control it better, and was somewhat content.
This world was so beautiful, and so much less corrupt than his old home. People weren't constantly killing eachother.
Okay, that last bit is a lie. Death was still prevelant, and brushed off. But it was more understandable because they had recovery centers, and he liked THAT at least…
But seeing death, over and over again was awful. Traumatizing..Tiring. Like he was living out his old life all over again. Especially if the suffering was at his own hands.
So, obviously, upon joining the challenge and seeing others just as ecstatic about a pacifistic life as he was—was…uplifting.
He felt like he had a chance at not being a monster for once.
He threw away his old name, Mu Cephei, and went by his new one permanently.
Black Hole.
And that's how it all began.
#black hole#black hole bfb#bfdi#bfdi black hole#bfdi headcanon#bfdi prompt#prompt#writing#backstory#battle for bfdi#object show community#bfb#the power of two
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I have been summoned :D
Hello!! Thank you for tagging me because I love analyzing so much 😊
First, I’d like to say and warn you that my predictions may be too far-fetched/detailed. Quite literally researched so much to double check my facts and opened a word document to for out my analysis and to plan and space out my thoughts (Get it? Because constellations and all are in space…? Anyway-)
1) We gon’ analyze this from top to bottom. The top two corners of the cover have the same sigil, just inverted. A crescent moon, a star, and a girl. Now, if we were to just scrap the surface of the meaning; The crescent moon is Remus, the star (of the show) is Sirius and of course, the girl is the reader.
But what I find interesting is how you chose the waning crescent moon to represent Remus, instead of the full moon like most people do. The waning crescent moon symbolizes ‘the perfect time to rest and regenerate’. Ironically, the waning crescent moon is one of the first few stages of the moon before it turns full once more.
I’d like to think that you’re representing Remus as his own person. He is a werewolf, yes. However, it doesn’t define him as a whole. That is not all who he is. Not to mention, I love how the moon partially encompasses both the girl and the star.
The latter two are positioned in a way that makes it seem like they find comfort with the moon. The moon has a small opening; it doesn’t confine the star or the girl. Rather, it encourages freedom and independence.
Ergo, Sirius and Reader find comfort with Remus and Remus protects and shelters them in a way (reference example: when Remus calmed Sirius and Reader down from causing trouble with Barty Crouch Jr.). Remus doesn’t restrict neither Sirius nor Reader to be with him. They can come and go as they please, and Remus wouldn’t mind. But the positioning of the girl and the star make it quite obvious that they choose to be with the moon. They want and are drawn to it.
I also want to highlight the fact that the star is practically clinging to the middle of the curve of the crescent moon. Referencing Remus and Sirius’ good relationship (platonically or romantically, take it as you please) and how Sirius is connected to the moon, only because of Remus. However, the girl is sat towards the edge of the crescent moon. Almost as if she’s looking at the moon and the stars. Referencing that Remus and Sirius are not the only reason why she has this connection with the galaxy.
The Reader being a fairy already made that connection and helped her have a natural inclination towards subjects like Divination and Astronomy. I think her being drawn towards our two boys just amplifies it. Moving on!!!
2) The Sun. It’s partially filled in. Maybe it’s nothing. But I feel like it’s something. So I thought, ‘What could possibly block out the Sun?’. Short answer; the Moon. When do the Moon and Sun align together? During a lunar eclipse, werewolves don’t transform apparently. So, perhaps there will be a lunar eclipse to come within the next three remaining chapters? Perhaps a really soft Moony too 🤭.
Suns – There are suns scattered every on the cover. There’s a sun on the crescent of the moon, suns at each corner of the book title. Suns at the bottom. But that’s not just the Sun, but it shows Earth and Mars too. I’m not entirely too sure about the science behind this, but I do know that there will come a point in time the Sun, Earth, Moon and Mars will align together in a straight line, creating the total lunar eclipse. So perhaps, we wouldn’t get a regular eclipse, rather a total one.
Also, the Sun represents life, light, warmth, power, and divinity. This somewhat correlates with the symbolism of the fox. Perhaps this hints that the Reader is the biggest star among the three. Because if the Reader has some sort of correlation with the Milky Way, which contains so many suns, technically that would make her brighter than the brightest star of Canis Major and the moon put together ;)
Not to mention, moonlight is just reflected light from the Sun. Without the light, we wouldn’t be able to see the moon. (I actually have no idea where I’m going with this last paragraph 💀)
3) The constellations; (from left, right then center) Canis Major, Lupus and Vulpecula. All of which represent different animals.
Canis Major is a dog = Sirius
Lupus is a wolf = Remus
Vulpecula is a fox = Reader
Now the first two correlating with each other makes sense. Considering Sirius’ animagus and patronus is a dog, while Remus turns into a werewolf and his patronus is a wolf. (Remus never actually casts a corporeal patronus as to not make people suspicious of him. Poor Moony).
Now the link between the Reader and foxes interests me. My biggest hunch I have right now is that Reader is also an illegal animagus like Sirius. Which would make sense considering a fox is a symbol of spirituality, creation, omens, afterlife, offering wisdom, guidance, protection, nobility, and a sign of good luck to those they encounter them.
And the Reader has proven to show a majority of these traits naturally. How did the Reader become an animagus? In the earliest chapters of this book, I recall that young Reader and Sirius bought a book about animagi. I also faintly recall Reader copying some important pages off the book (most probably the process and preparation for the potion and all).
Next, there is something behind each constellation that represents our beloved main characters. Canis Major and Lupus have the marauders map behind them, representing their involvement with the famous Marauders, the four boys sharing their shared tendency to spread and cause mischief.
The same can be said about Vulpecula, however there is the faint sigil of the Milky Way. The Milky Way symbolizes coming of age and afterlife. Look at that, Vulpecula and the Milky Way share one thing in common in terms of symbolism. The afterlife. I think this correlates back to Reader being a fairy. One of the theories of fairy origins is that they are a representation of the spirits of ancestral dead. ✨ A f T e R l I f E ✨. Reader is about to pull out some serious powers >:D
That’s the suspicion anyway.
4) The moon cycle on the bottom. Initially I thought that it was a regular-degular moon cycle. Then it didn’t make sense because there were some stages that did not make sense. Why choose only certain stages of the moon? And they seemed slightly out of order. That’s when I realized, it was the blood moon cycle. Not a regular one. Plus, with the latest chapter being on the night of the blood moon, it makes sense. According to some resources, werewolves are most dangerous during these blood moons. So, assuming we get a chapter with a lunar eclipse, we would have witness different intensities of Remus’ transformations. I’ll end this here.
Whoever reads this, bless you and your patient soul for sticking through this long with (1230 words if you end at ‘with’). Also I just read the comments and realized that @starchaser-lily also made some points that make me look like I’m copying them… I swear I didn’t read it until I looked at the comments 😭 😭 😭 But you have really good points! Great minds think alike? Idk if I’m helping my case 💀
Have a lovely day and lots of love! ~
I cannot confirm or deny anything but, can I just say….
I freaking love my readers?!? I mean look at this 1k words worth of theories over a single poster that’s so freaking amazing! And son well thought out of and so detailed and ingenious. Like man, this is university worth quality analysis, and for my poster??!? I feel so freaking honored!
And the ATTENTION TO DETAIL holly mother of Merlin so freaking precious. Like all of your freaking theories, you guys are brilliant *cries*!
I literally have the cleverest readers of the whole cosmos! I’m so freaking lucky!
Side note: not sure why you think it’s only three chapters left?? It’s a whole lot more than that, like I’m already working on chapter 26 and the end toll is borderline going to be like 40 chapters so you guys are in for the long run.
I did say it was going to be slow burn, didn’t I?
For those who have no clue what this entire thing it’s about, some of you guys ( @cometsghost @starchaser-lily @moonyunebi and a certain little annon ) were theorizing over on this post about a poster/cover for Gilded Constellations!
#one shot#imagine#oneshot#moony#marauders x reader#sirius black#sirius x reader#padfoot#marauders x you#the marauders x y/n#remus x reader#remus x y/n#remus x you#remus lupin x y/n#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x you#gilded constellations#lilly talks
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the star dreamers are deities or at LEAST linked to moonlight. éclair's dream was a vision. —a theory
you know what time it is! the theory i ALWAYS ramble about.
some parts of this may be taking stretches, but let's not waste any time. more important factors are in bold for ease.
this is in sections.
- a summary of the story
- an observation of the costume set's descriptions and inspirations
- observation of the costume set's bond story
- why the nightfall butterfly was used by moonlight to induce éclair's dream as a vision
with that, allow me to begin.
a summary of the story :
the bond story is linked here if you'd like to read it for yourself. butttt, for those of you who can't be bothered :
éclair cookie falls asleep whilst writing a relic journal on nightfall butterflies. he dreams of three cosmic entities, constellation guardians. these being financier cookie, wildberry cookie and cream unicorn cookie. éclair wakes up, and there is assumption his dream was from the nightfall butterfly, tales say it can cause dreams of the night sky.
an observation of the costume set's descriptions and inspirations :
éclair cookie, stargazing scholar :
let's clear éclair up first, shall we? éclair is not as significant as of currently compared to the other three. he is an astronomer and the observer, serving as the gateway to what we see about the star guardians. he is based around the fantasy-astronomy aesthetic. he has no zodiac basis, yet for...some reason the fandom just appointed him as aquarius someday. he is the main character of the story.
financier cookie, brilliance of justice :
alright, to the deities here! financier cookie's brilliance of justice costume is based upon libra, as well as the greek titan-goddess themis (lady justice). the theming of lady justice is extremely blatant.
and as of the manner the costume is described in. it's pretty straight up.
the phrasing of so divine that you do nothing but revere to her is head on. that's a deity right there! these descriptors are...obviously deliberate.
wildberry cookie, hero blessed by the stars :
wildberry's costume is based off of heracles, the greek divine hero. there are also hintings of the leo and serpens constellations.
also pretty on the nose. the beginning of a new legend, plus this description is literally how you'd tell an epic tale or legend..... a hero protecting the peace of the night.
cream unicorn cookie, memories in the night sky :
cream unicorn's costume's basis is pegasus! the fandom also kind of collectively agrees there's virgo stuff LOL
a moment too magical to be true. this theory can also lean on cream unicorn a little more due to them being a mythical creature and powerful figure already.
yeah? yeah! the common theme here is that the three guardians are described like you'd think of a divine myth or something.
the theming is also very well picked out. the costumes could have easily been designed with the same midnight theme as éclair, but they chose great figures. verrry deliberate.
it's also established in stormbringer cookie's update that gods and deities appear to be a different matter in cookie run. deities are seemingly “lesser”. do what you will with that.
you probably think "this is just a dream this is going to happen", i can counter that
observation of the costume set's bond story :
hope you didn't forget the summary too fast! lets get into this next part where we apply more onto this.
as i said, the story begins with éclair adjusting himself for a night of stargazing.
the first constellation he falls onto is wildberry. wildberry knocks out the serpent and lion constellations via a punch, calming them. apparently things have been growing dangerous in the northern sky. his powers seem to include peace induction.
this isn't normal, no shit sherlock. oh but wildberry in the real world is something i'd like to discuss.
wildberry cookie's strength does not appear to be natural, or at least stronger than the average cookie. okay, gauntlet, sure, but he doesn't seem to have much problem fighting an ambush of white masks bare-fisted. he also can carry his gauntlet around without problem while crunchy chip (a strong WELL trained cacaoian warrior mind you, literal beast tamer) struggles with it. we can assume somethings going on here
wildberry is outshone by the dazzling light of financier cookie's sword. financier, as her description pretty obviously states, weighs out justice with her scales. the stars with "murky lights in their hearts" flee from her.
financier in the real world has a great sense of justice (see: cookie odyssey). it'd be a nice pointer to these things. a fair just paladin, the glass slipper of serving as lady justice would fit perfectly.
and finally, cream unicorn's mild light pacifies both stronger lights of wildberry and financier's. well, i'll use the dream excuse for them walking across the milky way because How™.
cream unicorn's case in the real world is interesting. they are already powerful, the role of a deity wouldn't be far off from them. at least i believe so? i'm not too caught up on their lore and i apologise for that.
and the story concludes with éclair awakening. he makes his way to the natural ecology wing to see a faint glow coming from the nightfall butterfly. as stated, tales say they can induce dreams of the night sky.
this actually gets into the next point.
the nightfall butterfly and why moonlight used it to induce éclair's dream :
for reference, here's the relic!
in the bond story it's actually called the nightlight butterfly, but we can pretty easily equate them to be the same thing. plus the butterfly is in the nature hall, no doubt the ecology wing.
the alternative name to the butterfly is the star jelly butterfly. the city of wizards has a motif of star jellies throughout, especially with say, milky way cookie. it even takes place on moonlights clock tower!
also wings like the night sky? providing dreams? that's the city of wizards for ya.
onto miss "night sky and dreams" herself — moonlight cookie!
moonlight's crescent guardian attire is on par with the guardian star dreamers costumes. right off the bat.
moonlight providing the dream makes sense. note this could have been ANY cookie as the observer, though they chose to play around with éclair's relics. moonlight can prooobably grant specific dreams.
this, is moreso a vision than a dream. the nightfall butterfly was in the reach of éclair. and listen, he's knowledgeable enough to hold such a revelation and to piece the puzzle. it'd make sense for him to be plucked out.
wouldn't it be nice to see some of the stars moonlight yearns for, those who she'd dance with upon twilight?
moonlight is awake when gaining her crescent guardian state. this is reality. it is achieved upon reuniting with stardust cookie (look. STARdust. the stars). stardust is essentially the key to this, and this perfectly falls in line if we assume this time period is when éclairs dream happened.
my point is also to say that the dreamers are in a state of dormancy of some sort.
a few extra points to this :
sea fairy blesses the gem mermaids with powers. why shouldn't a fellow legend be able to do the same?
the odds of the costumes having relevancy to lore is NOT impossible, contrary to belief. due to the setting being a dream, it could've actually happened and had no effects on the lore quite yet. also, white lily's costume was presumed to just be an "au" but became canon to the storyline. it's not impossible!
éclair doesn't know these cookies. or at least, he is never seen to interact with any of them. éclair DOES interact with financier in the crunchy spring picnic story, but wildberry and cream unicorn? debatable. why dream of cookies you don't know? the brain cannot make up faces.
this is a stretch but getting a whole bond story when easily able to have been lumped in with crunchy dreams?? goddamn!!
also.. face it. if devsisters can get money off of this for a beast yeast plot or something, why not go in for it? AND there is still room for a moonlight update. she will gain a crystal jam eventually, as well as other untouched city of wizards things that could be expanded on.
some of this might not make sense, i was extremely tired typing. butttt.. here's my whole input of it. thanks for coming to my ted talk
#cookie run kingdom#cookie run#crk#financier cookie#cr#star dreamers#wildberry cookie#moonlight cookie#stardust cookie#eclair cookie#cream unicorn cookie#éclair is the chosen one i suppose#crk theory#cookie run theory#theory#zodiac costumes#it's unlikely but i WILL persist#to you they are an unimportant costume set to me they are everything
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Whats a hc or theory you've been dying to share but just haven had the right opportunity yet to share?
Hello there mysterious anon. Are you the colorblindness anon or someone different?
Well, I'm not sure if you're asking about the FS manga or LU? (Or Zelda in general, but seeing as I do very little talking about general Zelda, I'm gonna assume it's one of the first two!)
Let's see, for FSA! If you want LU, ask me again and tell me or reblog this or something <3
Oh, this is a good one I haven't gotten much of a chance to spread around yet. I've got it planned for some stories but getting to it is taking a while!
I headcanon Vio to be a massive astronomy nerd, absolutely enraptured by the stars. They help to ground him, make him feel small and insignificant when everything around him needs him to be big enough to shoulder the world. (This ties in somewhat to my headcanons about the Colors being connected to their respective elements within their swords!) And like any nerd, Vio loves to talk about the things he loves. Ramble on endlessly, explain everything he knows, help people understand it.
But until Shadow, no one really listened to him when he talked, and by then he was desperate for someone to hear him. Shadow listened, and stargazing became their thing. Vio pointing out constellations while Shadow complains that they look like nothing at all, tracking when planets as they appear and disappear, keeping a count of the seasons. Vio makes Shadow a complete star chart, as complete as he can anyway. (I had to start making a star chart to keep track of what I was coming up with lmao.)
Vio's favorite constellation is the Hero, as even the stars of the Hero have shadows spilled in between them.
#Question Paloma#Is anybody listening?#You heard? No.#Paloma Writes#my writing#Vio Link#Shadow Link#Vidow#vio x shadow#loz four swords#loz fsa#four swords manga
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First of all, I'd like to thank @renru @reesevernerlovebot @honeylemonbutte and Bee too (I believe I don't follow her ç.ç) for giving me the courage to start posting these. And @lacunafiction for thins wonderful story omg, I love her book.
_Fallen Stars
There were books sprawled all over the floor. Astronomy, physics, star charting ones. Papers and journals filled with equations that were almost impossible to read, covering up huge constellation maps made by hand. Doctor Yu used to joke that you'd write even on the walls of the lab, given the chance.
Well, you're in your Pa's old apartment now, there's nothing stopping you. If you had some neon blue makers, you'd be sure to write down your chartings, it would look beautiful at night. Maybe people would lock you up in an asylum this time? You know that, if Dr. Yu ever hears someone repeat this to you, you’d fear for the person’s wellbeing. You got this style of brainstorming from Dr Kuiper, after all, and the trio of you were best friends since freshman years.
Dr. Lara de Armas, the astrophysicist. Dr. Sieben Kuiper, the mathematician. Dr. Morgan Yu, the engineer.
You guys made some amazing discoveries and built amazing things together. You miss them dearly.
But that's not important right now. Well, you did trail off a little bit... A portion of the wall south of the kitchen had some scribblings on. Huh, you gonna have to clean that later... Or not? It could be related to art, right? Right?
The intention was to put a monitor in that wall, anyway. Nobody has to see this. Yes, good plan, big brain.
The apartment was still getting its new decor. There were some boxes of new purchases you intended to use in this place. You've already asked for some midnight blue wallpapers. And the kitchen had some new utensils for you to use whenever you had another sudden craving for strawberry smoothies.
But where did you put your telescope...? Too many boxes! Too many boxes!!
Your thoughts are derailing again, aren't them? Ugh.
Focus!
Today was a special day, after all...
The wristwatch beeped and you stared at the time with a slight frown. There was still about an hour to gather your things and go. Getting up from the mess you were, you ask yourself how that marker ended up in your hands, but there isn’t much time to dwell on it.
There’s a smile on your face. A happy one. The kind of happiness that Bee would instantly click a picture of.
A meteor shower today was the cause for your happiness. You were the first one to discover it. Dr Yu even tinkered with your telescope for you to get a better view.
You wish they were here. The bright smile on your face dampens a little bit. But there's no time to lose. So, you march around the mess in your apartment and gather your things.
Telescope? Check
Chartings? Check
Camera for stargazing? Check
Something to sit on? Check
Time to go, Lara.
Things were loaded in your car especially fast, even if with all the gentleness in the world. There was a humming beneath your breath, a soft melody, your body moving at your tune without much thought.
" - Ok, Frodo, how are you gonna name it?
- Just because you're taller than me, doesn't mea-
- Hmmm, I'd called it the one ri-
- You're a brute, you know that?
- Morgan, stop annoying my student!
- I'm sorry, Dr. Kuiper. Now, now, Doctor de Armas, would you name it? You're the one who found its trajectory first, after all.
- It already has a name... It's a perseid!
- Are all astrophysicists this uncreative? Come on, give it a name. What would you call it?
- Uncreative? You called your arm bot "Morg_4rm".
- Better than perseid, still. Go on.
- Ugh! Possibly Ocean fall.? Ocean... drops?... Scintillans falls!
- I like the sound of that. Keep at it, Sam.
- I detest Yu.
"
Oh! You've forgotten something! There’s nothing to drink! That's why you stop at the diner, right...? Right?
Well, it doesn't matter, you're parched and when the diner enters in your field of view, you don't rummage your brain as for the "whys". The fact that you have butterflies in your stomach doesn't register instantly. Did you eat something you shouldn't?
Your pulse just spiked up? There was no physical activity today. Well, Mal did show you a beautiful place that he may not even know how much it meant to you. You can always bring him photos of the shower!
Why are you thinking of him right now, though? Oh, right! Because you're at the diner! And he's interesting! You like his company, even if can be really charged. The fact that your heart, at the thought of him, makes you feel like a little rabbit, doesn't matter. Must be the lack of sleep. Nothing about that cheek kiss? It can't be, right? It is because he knows too much about this town and you’re trying to understand what he is. Surely!
You find yourself inside the diner, your mind still wandering to a certain lake, the brightest smile on your face. Except when those hellish creepy spoons sound like an undead knocking in the glass. You hate those, sparing them a murderous glare.
Clyde welcomes you, mimicking your smile, and you go instantly to ask for some tea and energy drink to pack while your eyes wander. You're just taking in the diner. It's not like you already had the whole blueprint of the building in your mind. You're just taking the ambient in, right?
Right!
Must be nothing aside from that.
"Someone seems extra bright today, Ms. De Armas!", Clyde comments from his place at the cooking top, cleaning his spatula from some leftover batter. He's cooking some pancakes? The smell makes your stomach rumble. Haven’t you eaten today? Well, it doesn't matter, you can eat later.
"Nighty night, Clyde! Today is a special day, after all! I'll bring you guys some photos from a phenomena that only happens once a year. And we've managed to get some cobalt reading in this year's batch, so-", you stop suddenly when you see confusion in the chef's face. You manage to breathe in a little bit, slowing down your thinking process to make sense for the middle-aged man, a softer smile on your face. "Pardon me, Clyde. I got a bit caught up. But there will be a meteor shower today, in about... ", you stop to look at your wristwatch, pouting a little bit, "40 minutes. It's going to be to the west, and it will look like ocean blue stars."
The old chef returns your enthusiasm, smiling back at you with energy. "Then you'll need these as fast as we can make it. Maybe a special someone can make the tea just the way you prefer and you can take him with you?", the suggestion in his tone takes you off guard for a moment and you fumble with your words, blushing hard.
Wait, he means the drinks! Yeah, totally the drinks! Hundred percent sure... You think?
It wouldn’t make sense otherwise, right?
Ugh, some social cues are hard to read.
"I'd... love that!", your eyes sparkle with delight. If you manage to make it to the spot you encountered earlier, you for sure will have a great view of the event. Your hands tremble in excitement. There’s also the need to go fast, though, it’s a thought you don’t quite enjoy.
That’s when you feel it. It begins as a featherlight sensation in the nape of your neck and travels down. Your hair stands up at the end and a shivering sensation crawls beneath your skin. The bright smile vanishes from your face, replaced by an intense focus. Your gaze rests in every exit of the diner, trying to understand where the sensation comes from and where you can take cover, if needed. There’s a slight pressure in the back of your neck. Annoys you so deeply that you can’t understand why this is happening. You stand below a hanging cupboard, it acts as a protection for your thoughts as you analyze the diner. If you can pinpoint the direction it comes from, maybe yo -
“Hey there, Charmer.”, the voice comes from behind your left. It’s a honeyed tone, slightly hushed if not amused, as if you both were sharing a secret. You didn’t notice him coming. Not that this is abnormal. Is his modus operandi, after all. But you were not expecting to be taken off guard, so his sudden awake gives your body a slight jump and you hit your head in the cupboard, releasing a pathetic “Yiiik!”. You instantly protect your slightly throbbing head, looking back at him with watery eyes.
“Mal? Hey!”, your eyes abandon the diner and are naturally drawn to him. You don’t stop to think about how it is always like this. Exits, covers and possible weapons forgotten, shoved back to the back of your mind. The shivering sensation, though, intensifies. You wonder if it’s the cold coming from the fridge. You can hear its motor in the back of the diner, and the place where you are can be an air duct for both cold and hot air masses to meet. He is dressed in his diner uniform, holding a bag in front of your face. There’s a very disarming smile on his lips. Lips that you're so not staring. Shaking your head slightly, you smile up at him, flushing heavily. “Something could’ve fallen from the cupboard, so be careful, please? But it’s ama- great! Great to see you!”
His smile becomes less disarming, and a touch more genuine. His eyes are hypnotic to you, so you decide to stare at the diner bag. Maybe you should take some medicine for your heart, something is surely not right. But the shivers stop, replaced by a warmth you don’t quite understand. Weird.
Especially because Mal didn’t move a muscle.
“Something falling would be the least of this place's problems, wouldn’t it?”, you slightly narrow your eyes as his mysterious words, opening your mouth to say something, but he just continues. “Besides, having something falling for you wouldn’t be so bad.”
Oh! Oh… Ok. Remember. Night sky. Ocean Blue meteorites. Don’t stare too much. You have other things to see tonight… And he’s just being friendly, right? Right!
DON’T THINK ABOUT THE NOTE HE TUCKED IN YOUR BACK POCKET. I SAID DON’T!
Friends do that, right? Is it a normal thing?
And the way you felt about it… You weren’t expecting any kind of slap, it wouldn’t make sense. Who likes to get slapped?
Not that you liked his hand in… You know what? You’re not going there.
Is it a social cue? You know your lack of actual romantic relationships makes it harder to navigate these things… But Mal doesn’t see you that way… Not him, and not with you…
… You think.
The way he phrases things, though? Why does it slam you with so much strength? It confuses you a bit… He barely knows you, you don’t even know his full name yet.
Then why do you feel like you’re lying to yourself?
“I - I… Well, thanks for bringing me these. I told Clyde about the meteor shower tonight, would you like some photos? I wish you could see them first hand…”, you say, a dreaming look in your eyes fills Mal’s vision. Something passes through his expression as his jaw sets, your curious look isn’t answered, as per usual, so you just let a soft smile take place in our lips. Pushing is something you don’t enjoy when it’s done to you, so you won’t do it to him either.
“Mal, why don’t you take some hours off? Ms. De Armas may need some help carrying those bags!”, the line cook shouts from his spot at the cooktop. There’s a huge smile on his face as he points at the duffel bags resting on the table you’ve put them on, when you’ve arrived at the diner.
Again, Mal’s expression shifts. You were too busy listening to Clyde’s offer to notice. His jaw tenses and the customer service smile in his face dies. He looks at you, giving nothing away. Is he expecting your reaction? Is he angry at Clyde for offering? You know something always stops Mal from spending any time with you unless late in the night, but you don’t understand or know why. You want to ask, but you know you won’t receive an answer. You’re still pulling the puzzle pieces together. Maybe when you get the whole picture, it will make sense.
“Well, uhm, do you want to come? You don’t need to, I have… 22 minutes to get there. It’s around 15 km, so I can get there in time if I get a constant velocity o-... Oh, sorry. Again, you don’t need to go, I won’t be sad or anything, I always go alone on these. And I can bring photos!”, you stumble. You have to stop being too specific about things. Is something you got from Dr. Kuiper.
“What a server wants isn’t really ever questioned in our line of work, Charmer.”, Mal smoothly replies. You glance at him quickly, a trace of sadness in your face. You wish you could help him. He doesn’t seem happy with his role. Truth be told, behind all of that confidence, there’s a deep sorrow, for what you could detect. You won’t overextend here, you don’t want to burden him. As you did with Bee. What if you have to leave, and he expects you to come back, like Reese and James did. What if you put him in danger, as you did to Silas.
No. You won’t pile up your list of wrongdoings.
Giving him a soft look and smiling in a way that draws his eyes, you nod. The waiter rests his left hand in the cupboard above you, his knuckles turning white. You take a step forward with intention towards the exit, looking at your duffel bags after taking the drinks from his hand with the same delicateness that you would use to take care of your telescope. There’s a slight movement from him, as if he wanted to reach out, but you don’t linger in that. “I care about your wants, Mal. So you don’t need to do anything on my behalf. Tell me if you need anything, ok?”
“Lara…“, he speaks in a hushed voice, staring at the increasing separation of your personal spaces with a hard expression. His customer service smile isn’t coming up so easily at this moment, you wonder why. You collect your things and wave at Clyde, smiling. The line cook looks between you and your bags, giving a sad smile. You thought Mal would’ve already disappeared, but he stays there, holding the cupboard like it’s the only thing he can hold onto right now. You lift the diner bag in his direction and give him a smiling farewell.
Your steps are wide. Well, as wide as they can be, given your height. There’s somewhere to be, after all. Even if there’s a nagging feeling in the back of your mind wishing you were sharing this with someone. But you always did this alone, so why change now? Reese passes through your mind, and your heart beats a little faster at him sharing this with you. But is it him that you wanted to share this so badly?
No, you’ll do it alone, as it has been done for so many years. It brings you peace. Something needed right now.
The drive is free of any danger, as it always is with you in the wheel. Bags are unpacked with efficiency and speed, setting everything up is a matter of a few minutes. You’ve noticed this cliff surrounded by a bed of flowers and overlooking a lake some days prior, and knew this would be the perfect spot for your “Scintillans falls”. The trek was eventless and gave you some time to enjoy the nature around Fernweh. Even with everything awful that happened in this town, you can never deny how beautiful it is. It makes you wonder, if these things didn’t happen, this place would be a haven.
The night was unusually dark, even with a half moon illuminating the surroundings. You brought a small blue weak lantern and laid it within the towel beneath you. The wristwatch beeped again. It was time. Setting the camera and fixing the telescope, you began stargazing.
A soft wind blew around you as the stars fell down, painting the skies in a blue hue. The colors of the ocean on a sunny day brightened it, as if hundreds of bright blue fishes jumped down from a huge waterfall. It was mesmerizing.
How would this starlight frame Mal’s face?
No, uhuh, not going there.
Then your mind finds another thought that you shouldn’t linger… But it's there, anyway.
You wonder if your family is between them, traveling through the skies, watching over you with the love they always had. You miss them. More than you care to admit.
It should’ve been me.
You hear a faint noise in the distance. Maybe a motorcycle? But your mind is too occupied right now to pay attention. There’s a lone tear lining your right cheek that you fail to notice.
Blinking against it, you start to take pictures.
It’s beautiful tonight.
#the fernweh saga#choice of games#ooc post#Mal Ro#This vile man breaks my heart everytime#I tell you#Aelsa knows what she's doing#I have a whole essay on Mal#I'm very sus
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high infidelity regulus black x reader
do you really want to know where i was april 29th? do i really have to chart the constellations in his eyes?
you never meant for it to happen. but who could blame you? your half-assed, so-called "boyfriend" acted like he wanted nothing to do with you while regulus black had dropped his cold facade at the sight of your vulnerability. he showed you a side of him that nobody knew could ever exist. the regulus black going soft? for someone he just personally met? not to mention all the attention he had been secretly paying you over the last few years. the nights you two spent in the astronomy tower, simply gazing at the stars— at least you were, he insisted that you were a beautiful sight— were much more intriguing than anything your current boyfriend could handle. and he showered you with the love and care that both of you deserved, so is it really your fault?
do you really want to know where i was april 29th? do i really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?
anyone feel free to make this a full fic/imagine just tag me!! also how do we feel about a "part two" with dress by taylor??
#regulus black x reader#regulus black#regulus black imagine#regulus black hc#regulus black blurb#regulus black fluff#toxic boyfriend#i'm not justifying cheating it's just an idea#high infidelity#midnights#marauders#marauders era#marauders era blurb#hp#harry potter#regulus black x you#Spotify
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