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mangomonk · 8 months

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i caught myself

↳ summary: remus goes to a coffee shop for the first time ↳ content: fluff, oblivious idiots x idiots, coffee shop au, rock band!muggle ↳ a/n: i wanted to write something fun and i've been listening to too much of my punk rock playlists from when i was 15. feel very free to listen to "i caught myself" by paramore (or any paramore song) while reading..! i love portrayals of remus as an earnest loser where the reader/sirius is ridiculously infatuated with his endearingly awkward ways. in other news, i've given up on using 'y/n,' it killed me every time i had to type it so i just chose a random name, feel free to make a mental edit to 'y/n' if you're more comf with that.

It's rush hour when she first sees him. She almost doesn't — it's just her and her coworker today and her eyes are only moving from the cash register's buttons to each cup as she hastily scrawls names and orders onto the plastic.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" She asks half-distractedly as she finishes writing Mocha Cookie Crumble Frappuccino before sliding it over to her coworker with an apologetic look. Frappes are the worse to make, and it doesn't help that the line is nearly to the door now. She almost doesn't look up but the silence to her question is a little too long, so Winnie darts a quick look up, hoping to see no one standing there.

What she's not expecting to see is a man with wide brown eyes and equally brown hair squinting at the menu above her head. Winnie thinks he's the most good-looking man she's ever seen. As she tries to recap the Sharpie, she stabs her own hand. "Shit," she mutters automatically.

"Sorry?" The ridiculously good-looking man asks politely, his gaze flickering from the menu to her. His eyes are the same color as caramelized sugar and Winnie thinks he looks just as sweet as she watches him pull at the frayed collar of his knitted jumper.

"Nothing, nothing," Winnie says with a dismissive hand as she puts on her best customer-service-smile. "What can I get you today?"

His brows furrow as he turns his gaze back to the menu. "What—" he begins, drawing out the word slowly. Winnie takes his hesitation to steal another appreciative glance at him — he's tall, his frame somewhere between lean and lanky, though it's hidden by a jumper that's clearly been knitted to be a few sizes too large for extra comfort. "—would you recommend?"

"Well, what do you normally like?" Winnie asks, casting a glance behind him. As much as she'd love to talk to this cute stranger for the rest of her shift, the line has started to wrap around.

The man rakes a hand through his hair, tousling already-tousled waves of brown. He looks sheepish and a little panicked. "I've never really had coffee before," he admits. A little strange, but Winnie's not one to judge, especially when he's looking at her with deer-in-the-headlight eyes.

"How about I get you my favorite drink then?" She suggests, already reaching for the sharpie and another cup. It's a trick she's learned from working in the coffee shop for the past few months — customers are less likely to be unhappy with their surprise drinks if they think it's your favorite drink.

The man nods, his shoulders sagging with apparent relief. Matcha latte, she scribbles before looking up at him again. "Can I get a name?"

"My name?" He repeats, looking dumbfounded as if she had just asked for his number.

She lifts the cup and shakes it a little to draw his attention to it. "For your order."

"Remus," he says, straightening. He clears his throat. "Remus Lupin."

"Got it," she says as she writes it down. Remus Lupin. She's never had a customer give her a full name before, but Winnie doesn't have time to ponder it as she slides the cup to her coworker. "That'll be $4.50."

He fishes out a $10 and when she tries to hand back the change, he shakes his head with a soft, polite smile.

"Come again," she calls after him, pleased, before turning back to the monstrous line that had managed to form behind him. "I can help the next customer."

— — — — —

The next time she sees him, it's just her behind the counter. Since the rush died down an hour earlier, she's been leaning over the counter squinting at an eight count that she can't quite get right. When the door jingles, Winnie puts down her pencil and moves back behind the register.

"Hi! What can I get for you today?" She asks before she properly looks up. It's the fluffy-haired man from last week. Today he's wearing a scarlet and gold jumper bunched at his wrists and slacks the same brown as his eyes and hair. She doesn't recognize the lion emblem embroidered on his chest — it doesn't match any of the mascots of the nearby universities. When he unwraps his scarf, she can see that his cheeks are flushed red from the cold. It's a good look on him. "Cold outside?"

"Getting there," he says with a soft sigh.

"I can't wait," she says conversationally. "I love autumn."

"Hm," he says, ending the conversation rather abruptly.

Winnie tries not to grimace at the awkward silence as she pulls out her sharpie from the pocket of her apron. "So, what can I get for you today?" When he hesitates for a moment too long, his gaze darting back up to the menu behind her, Winnie tries for conversation again. "How was the matcha latte last time?"

Remus hesitates, his gaze darting to her. "It was very green."

The response is so unexpected that Winnie barely bites back a bark of a laugh before she catches herself. She wasn't a gifted conversationalist, but Remus was making her seem like a total extrovert. "It was," she agrees, smiling now. Up close, she can see shadows below his big eyes. Maybe he needed an espresso? Or less coffee and more sleep. "I'm guessing it wasn't to your taste? I'll let you order today—"

Remus seems to catch himself because he straightens hurriedly. "No, I'll have a matcha latte," he says firmly, already fishing out five dollar bill.

Winnie punches the numbers into the cash register and nods him along, but he hesitates, looking at her expectantly. "Don't you need my name?"

"Not unless it's changed from Remus Lupin," Winnie chirps cheerfully, biting back a smile as he blinks at her rapidly. "Has it?"

"No," he says, clearing his throat. "It's still Remus Lupin."

"Coming right up, Remus Lupin," Winnie says with a mini salute as she turns to start making the drink.

After he leaves, she notices a strange looking coin in the tip jar that hadn't been there before. When she squints at it, she can make out the carved word, Sickle. With raised brows, Winnie slips the strange coin into the pocket of her jeans.

— — — — —

The next time she sees Remus Lupin, he's wearing a long coat over a sweater vest. Winnie thinks he looks like a cute little professor.

"Hi, how's it going—" she's beginning to say just as Remus says choppily, "It's cold outside. Now."

They both blink at each other for a moment before Winnie grins a little, inwardly pleased that he remembered their last conversation. "Yeah?" She turns to squint critically out the window. "On a day like this, I'd kill to be in bed with a warm cup of tea."

Remus nods thoughtfully before pausing. "Not matcha?"

"Matcha strikes me more as a spring-summer drink," she muses.

He nods again, eyes darting to the menu above her head. Winnie is used to this now, so she waits patiently for his order. To her surprise, he looks at her again tentatively, his brown eyes startling bright. It feels as though she's been sucker punched.

"I'm not much of an autumn or winter person," he says. It takes her a moment to realize that he was still referencing their previous conversation. "The cold gets to my joints," he adds, looking a little sheepish.

"Ah," she says dumbly, nodding, before blurting, "Well, did you know that matcha has antioxidant and anti-inflammatory effects?"

Remus blinks at her as though she's clubbed him over the head. "Anti-ox-i-dant," he repeats slowly, as if saying the word for the first time.

Winnie inwardly grimaces. Why was she still talking about matcha? She had been so caught off guard that he was continuing the conversation and that his eyes were stupidly pretty that she had fumbled a little. "Er, so what can I get for you?"

"A cup of matcha then," Remus says, fishing a five dollar bill from his pockets. "For it's anti-ox-i-dant effects."

Winnie's cheeks burn a little as she waves him off. "It's on the house today," she says.

Remus looks surprised as he hesitates. "No, I can pay—"

"No, no, it's on the house," Winnie says firmly, thinking inwardly, For my piss poor attempt at conversation. Before he can insist, she takes her Sharpie and writes Matcha latte, even though it's only her behind the counter today. "Name?" She asks, half-teasing, half-hoping to distract him from trying to pay.

He blinks, looking startled. "Remus Lupin," he answers automatically, straightening.

"Just making sure it hasn't changed," she hums, smiling a little as she gets started on the latte.

To her surprise, Remus laughs, the sound low and rich and warm. "It hasn't yet," he says, glancing down at her name tag for a moment before looking back up at her, his brown eyes wide and bright as he drops the ten dollar bill into the tip jar. "Thank you, Winnie."

Winnie is too stunned by his laugh to complain.

— — — — —

Remus starts to come by more frequently. She can never quite figure out his schedule — it's sporadic, sometimes during rush hour where they can only exchange a few words, but mostly when the coffee shop is empty. She's grown so accustomed — and perhaps, has quickly begun to look forward — to seeing him that she can't help but look up hopefully when someone comes in.

Their conversations at the counter gradually grow less halting. She makes a point to always ask his name and Remus dutifully plays along each time, his lips twitching each time he gives her his name.

"You're always working on music," he observes one day. He must have come in without her realizing because when she looks up, she finds Remus nodding down at her paper.

"I am," she agrees mournfully. "I study music at the local university," she tells him, straightening her apron.

"That suits you," he says with the soft smile that she's grown terribly fond of.

Pleasure warms her chest as she tries not to beam at him. Though their conversations are mostly quiet and simple, it feels as though she's always trying not to smile a full-teeth smile at him.

She learns that he's only recently graduated from some sort of private boarding school. From his vague references, it sounded like one of those preparatory schools for gifted students. It doesn't strike her as much of a surprise — from his responses, Winnie can get a sense for how knowledgeable and bright he is, though to be fair, he always seems to bring a new book in when he visits. It might also explain how awkward and closed off Remus is, Winnie decides — she thinks public schools build thick skin. Winnie doesn't really mind the occasionally halting conversations though — Remus, for his credit, is a wonderful listener and always asks her questions when she talks about her band. And something about the attentive way Remus looks at her makes her feel comfortable about talking. She's almost worried that she talks too much — it's a welcome reprieve from the quiet slowness or the repetitive "Hi, how are you?'s" of the coffee shop.

"Sorry," she says one day when she brings him his drink. "I realize that I talk your ear off whenever you're here and I'm sure you've got things to do, books to read."

Remus shakes his head, sending his fluffy brown hair falling against his brow. It's gotten longer since the first time she's met him, the ends beginning to curl down the nape of his neck and around his ears. It's a good look on him, though admittedly, Winnie finds herself thinking that whenever he comes in.

"It's no problem," Remus says easily. Winnie nods, about to return to the counter when he clears his throat. "I... enjoy your company," he says with an impossibly tiny smile. At the sight of it, Winnie wants to fall to the floor, but she hasn't mopped it yet, so she opts to stand perfectly still instead. "If you ever feel inclined to take a break to chat, the chair is always open."

Some days when the shop isn't too busy, she takes him on his offer to sit and chat. Some days their conversations are long and winding, about nothing in particular, and on some days — mostly the days where he looks strangely exhausted — they both sit in a comfortable silence with Remus reading his books and Winnie laboring over her music.

One day when she's put all her focus on composing, Winnie nearly jumps out of her skin when Remus speaks up. "New song?"

Winnie looks up from her sheets at his question. A little thrill runs through her body when she sees that his book has been discarded to the side as he looks at her curiously. "Old song," she sighs. "I've been trying to finish these lyrics," she says, giving a frustrated glare to the paper. "I wanted to finish it in time for my band's next show, but I can't seem to get anywhere good with it."

Remus hums thoughtfully. "What's it about?"

"It's a love song," Winnie says before thinking. She darts a quick look at Remus as her ears burn, but fortunately, he's looking down at her lyrics thoughtfully. To be fair, she reasons with herself, she had started writing it before meeting Remus. "I've been stuck for ages now though."

"Hmm," Remus hums, leaning back in his chair to stretch his lithe limbs before letting his arms settle on his head. It's an effortlessly attractive motion — Winnie tries not to stare. "I'm sure you've tried already, but maybe you can draw inspiration from experience?"

Winnie clears her throat. "Oh, er, well, I actually don't really have..." She falters, feeling her cheeks burn. She's undeniably red now. "—experience in that realm," she finishes lamely.

"Ah," Remus makes a sound, his eyes widening a fraction as he re-rights himself to sit up straight in his chair. "Sorry, I just figured that you... That there'd be..." He stops himself, looking sheepish.

"That I what?" She presses, arching her brow to deflect from her reddening face.

"I just thought that you'd have experience in relationships," Remus coughs, his cheeks pink now. It's cute enough that it nearly distracts her from the mortifying conversation they're having.

"Ah, no," she says, swallowing. Then she adds hurriedly, darting a glance at him, "It's not that I don't want to date. It's just the type of guy I've attracted in the past has always been—" Winnie cuts off her rambling abruptly as Remus leans forward, brown eyes trained on hers.

"Has been what?"

"Oh, I don't know," she mumbles, scrubbing a hand over her face, grimacing. "You know, tattoos, eats cigs for breakfast. Maybe my nose ring gives the wrong impression," she lets out an embarrassed laugh, wishing that the ground would open up and swallow her whole to stop her nonsensical babbling.

"I see," Remus says slowly in a tone that very much sounded like he didn't.

"What about you?" She blurts. Remus looks startled, so she shoulders onwards. It feels as though she has nothing left to lose, anyways. "I'm sure you were popular in school."

"Ah," he says, making a noise at the back of his throat. He rubs the nape of his neck, looking embarrassed as he looks down as his discarded book. She bets he wished he never stopped reading. "Not really," he says. "I was always busy with school and, er, other things, so I never..." He trails off, making a vague motion with his hands. "Yeah," he finishes lamely.

"That's a surprise," Winnie says, inwardly relieved that he wasn't dating anyone. "I'm sure you had plenty of admirers."

Remus smiles at her wryly, a flash of embarrassment flickering across his face. "My mates had plenty of admirers," he says, though not enviously. Winnie waits patiently for him to continue — one thing she's gathered from Remus was that he often deflected talking about himself through talking about his friends. Sirius, Peter, James, she had learned were their names. "Sirius, in fact, was plenty popular." He darts a strange look to her, his brows knitted together and contemplative. "You'd get along well with him, I reckon."

— — — — —

Another day, during rush hour. She can see him waiting in the long line stealing glances at her that sends her heart stuttering. When their gaze meets, she offers him an apologetic smile. Remus just returns her smile and shakes his head, sending his hair down across his brow.

When he finally reaches the counter, he doesn't leave her any time to say hello. "I have a mate," Remus starts, pausing long enough for her to raise a brow.

"A mate," she drawls, trying to decode the peculiar expression on his face. He's visibly hesitating, his brow furrowing and relaxing as if he's overcoming some inner dilemma. Winnie waits patiently.

"A mate," he says again, rubbing the base of his neck. "That wants to learn how to play the guitar."

"I see," Winnie says slowly, patiently.

"It's Sirius — my friend that I told you about before," he adds, not quite looking at her but not quite looking away either. "Obviously, you can say no, but I thought that since you played the guitar, that maybe you'd...?"

Winnie thinks about it for a moment, an idea forming in her mind. She felt a twinge of guilt briefly for having an ulterior motive, before reasoning with herself that she was about to give a free guitar lesson. "I can give him an intro lesson," she says. "But only because he's your good friend."

Remus relaxes, his face breaking into a smile that only makes her feel better about her choice. Lord, she thinks, her eyes tracking his dimple. She thinks if he smiled like that at her, she'd do anything. "Brilliant," he beams.

A customer behind him clears her throat meaningfully, jolting Winnie out of the conversation. She had entirely forgotten she was working.

"So, a matcha latte?" She asks loudly. When she looks back at him, she's expecting him to sport his normal embarrassed half-smile, but she's caught off guard to see him grinning at her roguishly. Remus never fails to surprise her.

Remus nods, clearly trying not to laugh as he fishes out a bill. Winnie goes through the motions of punching in the numbers and preparing the cup. "We can do it at my flat, I have an extra guitar," she tells him as she finishes his order.

Remus smiles and nods, turning to leave when a thought occurs to her. "Oh, and Remus?" She calls after him.

He whirls around, brows arched and eyes wide and attentive. "Hmm?"

"You'll be there right?"

"Me?" Remus blurts, looking startled.

Winnie bites back a sigh. As she expected. Doubling down, she nods. "I'm not going to let a random man into my flat," she tells him, brows arching. She tries to ignore the customer behind him huffing impatiently.

Remus hesitates. "Sirius isn't a random man." Despite herself, Winnie likes this stubborn side of him.

"I've never met him," she sniffs, jutting her chin out mulishly.

"So you'll feel better if there's two random men in your house?" He counters archly.

But Winnie had been expecting this. She gives him a smile. Remus blinks, looking startled as any semblance of resistance dissipates. "You're not just a random man," she says meaningfully.

Remus blinks again. Then he turns, clearing his throat as he begins wrapping his scarf around his neck. Winnie thinks she can see a pink flush crawl up his neck before he covers it with a scarf, but she might just be seeing what she wants to see. "I'll be there," Remus says gruffly with a stiff nod.

Winnie mimics his stiff nod and bites back a smile.

"Thank you for waiting," she says to the next customer with her best customer-service-smile.

Before Remus returns for his drink, Winnie makes a split-second decision to write her number on a napkin. The idea has her stomach doing a dangerous, giddy flip in her stomach, but she does it anyways and slips it under his drink waiting on the counter.

— — — — —

The next three weeks is grueling for two reasons. The first is that she doesn't see Remus once, despite taking extra shifts. The second is because she waits for a phone call that never comes.

She's never given her number to anyone before so she doesn't quite know what the socially acceptable amount of time is before getting a call, but after the first five days of radio silence and his absence in the coffee shop, she's sure that she's made a terrible mistake.

She feels embarrassed and a little foolish, wishing she hadn't gotten swept up in her hopes and his stupid brown eyes. She had been silly — she was just an overly-chatty local barista and he was just a nice customer with a nice smile and nice eyes and nice everything who put up with her rambling. It's a little mortifying to think back on, so Winnie tries not to think about it, though every time the door's bell jingles, she's caught in a vicious cycle of hope, disappointment, and embarrassment.

She reckons that if he did ever come back, she'd either just pretend as though she never gave him her number or she'd hide in the storage room. The latter option sounded the most appealing the longer she went without seeing him.

She's closing up the shop one night when the door bursts open, the bells jingling loudly. Startled, Winnie nearly drops the bucket she had just finished mopping with. Her heart drops to her stomach.

"Hi," Remus says, pink-cheeked and breathless. "Are you closed?"

Winnie stares at him wide-eyed. She has a brief irrational flash of self-consciousness as she holds a mop and bucket in her hands, her hair and makeup unruly after a long shift. "I—" Winnie bites the inside of her cheek, looking at the clock. She was just a local barista, and he was just a customer, she reminded herself, swallowing back the growing burn of embarrassment in her belly.

As if sensing her hesitation, Remus straightens, clearing his throat. "I mean, you don't have to make a drink or anything actually, I just—"

"I can make a quick drink before I close up," Winnie says hurriedly, not quite able to look him in the eyes as she moves behind the counter. Memories of her giving him her number is seared in memory and it takes all her willpower not to crumble in mortification in front of him.

"No, it's alright," Remus says hurriedly, following her. "I'll help you close up."

"No, go sit over there," Winnie says, her voice a little too clipped. Remus hesitates, floundering before stubbornly following her again. Too close. She whirls around on him, exasperated and embarrassed. Pride wounded. "Remus, I'll make your drink just—"

"Winnie," he cuts in softly, his eyes tracking over her face carefully, quick to pick up her emotions. Winnie diverts her eyes mulishly. "I didn't actually come for a drink today," he says in a patient tone that only amplifies her growing embarrassment that she hides under irritation.

"Then I'm guessing you came to mess with a small local business," she grumps unfairly to herself, stomping behind the counter to drop the mop and bucket into the storage closet. Remus follows her doggedly.

"No, that's not why either," he says, huffing out a good natured laugh. Winnie ignores how smooth and honeyed it sounds.

"Then why'd you come so late? Seeing as how you haven't come in the past three—" Winnie cuts herself off, mortified, before stalking past him to busy herself with wiping down the counter.

"That's exactly why I came," Remus says from behind her. "I haven't seen you in three weeks and I wanted to see how you were doing."

Winnie swallows, caught off guard by his straightforwardness. And then she continues to scrub the counter aggressively, refusing to turn around and be swayed by him, though she could feel her grievances begin to dissipate. "Well, you could have called," she grumbles pointedly.

"I, er, don't have a telephone."

"You don't have a telephone," Winnie repeats automatically, before turning to balk at him. He looks embarrassed, his fingers fidgeting compulsively with the sleeves of his lumpy cardigan. In disbelief, she squints at him suspiciously. "Listen, Remus, I really won't be offended if you weren't interested, so there's no need to make up an excuse—"

"It's not an excuse," Remus interjects, straightened. He looks visibly affronted, his lips twisting into a slight frown. "I don't have a telephone."

"Oh," Winnie says dumbly, her voice small. And then she frowns, still skeptical. "How do you get into contact with your friends? Carrier pigeon?"

Remus lets out a huff of a laugh, mirth flickering in his brown eyes. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

For some reason, she believes him, so she drops it. It's probably the warm fondness in his eyes that neutralizes her. "I see," she says finally, unsure about whether to feel disappointed or relieved.

Remus seems to notice because he clears his throat. "I would have called you, really," he says. He's looking at her with those brown eyes again, big and earnest, and Winnie can't help but stare.

Flustered with the way he was looking at her, she turns to grab a tray of milk cartons. "I thought you were ghosting me," she grumbles. "I mean, I give you my number, you don't call and stop showing up. What's a girl supposed to think?"

Remus follows her, even closer now, close enough that she can smell his cologne — he smells good, she notes distractedly — and gently takes the tray of milk cartons from her hand, his big hands enclosing over hers briefly. Winnie nearly drops the whole tray. "You're not getting paid for that," she says, flustered and embarrassed and—

—and Remus is smiling at her with an impossibly patient and endeared smile, the sort that softens his eyes into little half-moons. Lord, Winnie thinks, her mind going unhelpfully blank as any memory of her mortification fades quickly.

"I would have called you," he says again, turning to look at her properly. He clears his throat, his eyes snagging on to hers intently. "I wanted to call you." He's holding the tray of cartons and she's trapped in the corner and the whole thing feels a little ridiculous, especially with the way her heart is stuttering under his gaze. He steps closer, his shoulders curving over slightly as he tries to match her height to appear less imposing. "I'm sorry for not giving you a heads up — I got swept away for work, but I'll let you know next time that happens."

"There's no need," she mumbles, flushing now. God, he probably didn't even know what he was doing. "It's not like we're..." The words die on her lips. She doesn't really know what she wants to say. Were they friends? She sure hoped so, but she could see how she was just a local barista and he was just a regular.

Remus ducks his head a little so that they're looking at each other properly again. They're close enough that Winnie can see his long lashes fluttering across his cheeks. She can see the splay of freckles across his tan skin. The thin shadow of a scar across the bridge of his nose. It's like she can't escape as her mind goes unhelpfully blank again. His eyes are warm and apologetic and earnest and Winnie feels like she's being seen right through. "How can I make it up to you?" He asks, looking entirely sincere.

Winnie's mouth — her heart — moves before her mind does. "My show," she blurts.

His brows furrow ever so slightly. "Your show?" He repeats, understandably not following because she was barely coherent.

"Yes," she says, straightening and doubling down. "I'm having a small show. With my band. This weekend. You should come." God, Winnie thinks, grimacing at how choppy her words were. Remus is looking at her with those distractingly pretty eyes again, so she steels herself, taking a steadying breath. "I mean, I'd love it if you came."

Remus nods, his lips twitching as if she hadn't just given an awful word-by-word monologue. "I'd love to."

— — — — —

The venue isn't terribly large, but even on stage staring into a dark crowd of faces, Winnie can spot Remus immediately. That's how she knew she was in trouble. Well, maybe she had already known she was in trouble the first time she heard Remus laugh properly.

She's had shows before, but this one feels different. It feels as though it's only her and Remus. So as Winnie plays her guitar and sings her songs, she gives in to the enamored thrill blossoming in her chest and pours it into her music. She hopes he can hear it.

The show passes by in a euphoric blur. All Winnie can really remember is Remus beaming at her from the crowd — and her beaming back — but she thinks it went well. Backstage, her bandmates are energetic and grinning widely, clasping each other on the back. "One of our best," their drummer proclaims, cheering.

Winnie tries to smile and listen, but the excitement of the show has started to turn into a bundle of growing nerves as she waits backstage with her bandmates.

"Waiting for someone today?" Doreen, their bassist, asks astutely as she starts moving some of their equipment.

"No," Winnie blurts unconvincingly, only gathering delighted hoots from the others.

"I knew this one felt different for a reason—" Doreen shouts gleefully, before falling silently abruptly, her eyes falling on someone behind Winnie. It takes all of her willpower to look casual and not whirl around. "Oh. He looks like he should be in a band," Doreen's voice drops into a hushed whisper. "Can we please add him? He can... play the triangle or something. He can be the face of our band. Our new mascot—"

At this, Winnie frowns and turns around. She wouldn't exactly say that Remus, with his soft jumpers and fluffy hair, looked like he'd be the face of a rock band—

"Hi," A voice, smooth and pitched low, says. "Winnie, right?"

Winnie stares at this stranger uncomprehendingly. He's strikingly handsome, his eyes the color of mercury and his hair the color of ink. He's all sharp angles and perfectly unruly curls and devilish smile, the type that Winnie has seen before. It comes with the crowd a rock band attracts, though this man in particular looks as though he was carved out of marble with his aquiline nose and high cheekbones.

Winnie blinks at him. "Yeah," she says uncertainly, scratching her cheek. "Er, do we know each other?"

"Winnie, this is Sirius," a familiar voice cuts in from behind the dark-haired man. Winnie straightens, her eyes snagging immediately on him as he steps out from behind Sirius.

Unlike Sirius's leather jacket and tattoos, Remus looks so painfully out of place in his sweater vest and slacks. She's impossibly endeared at the sight — in fact, all she can really do is stare dumbly at him. He's holding a little bouquet of yellow flowers. Her heart gives a dangerous squeeze.

Doreen clears her throat, jolting her out of her fixation. Winnie tears her eyes away from him to give his friend a polite smile as she shakes his hand. "Hi there." Distractedly, she turns back to look at Remus. "I didn't know you were going to bring a friend—"

"We love friends," Doreen says brightly. Winnie bites back a laugh at Doreen's lovesick scheming as her gaze snags on to Remus again. "Friends are always welcome here."

"I've heard loads about you," Sirius says smoothly, flashing her a charming smile. She swears she can hear Doreen faint next to her. "Remus, in fact, doesn't ever stop—"

Winnie's stomach does an Olympic-gymnastic-level flip as she watches Remus indiscreetly dig his elbow into Sirius's ribs. Sirius seems unbothered, but he stops and gives Winnie a smarmy grin.

"How was the show?" She asks, her gaze darting to Remus. It's like she can't stop looking at him.

"Brilliant," he blurts, beaming. "Absolutely brilliant. You were amazing," he says, eyes bright. "I mean, I knew you loved music, but seeing you in your element..." He stops abruptly, looking embarrassed. She isn't sure if it's the lighting, but his cheeks look pink. Or it's a reflection of how red her face has turned. Pleasure blooms in her chest so violently she feels a little dizzy.

"I'm glad you liked it," she manages, uncharacteristically bashful. She can feel her bandmates staring at her, slack-faced, and forces herself to ignore it. "I wasn't sure if it would be your type of music, but..."

"No, it was," Remus says hurriedly, turning to look at Sirius. "Right?"

Sirius nods, looking between the two of them with great interest. "Remus was practically on his knees—" Another jab into his ribs.

Winnie bites back a laugh, flushed and pleased, before nodding down at the bouquet in his hands. "Are those for me?" She asks, half-bluntly, half-hopefully.

Remus looks down at his hands as if he only just then remembered what he was holding. "Oh, yeah, yeah," he says. Winnie thinks she's dreaming for a moment, until Remus thrusts it into Sirius's hands. "They're from Sirius."

She blinks. Sirius blinks, an equally baffled expression on his face though he covers it up quickly. "Oh," the dark-haired man says slowly, his silver gaze flickering to his friend. "I guess—"

"—as a thank you for agreeing to the lesson," Remus cuts in hurriedly as Sirius hands it to her uncertainly.

Winnie takes the bouquet, bewildered now, but she plasters a polite smile on her face. "Er, it's no problem at all," she says, unsure about whether to say that to Sirius or Remus.

Sirius takes it in a stride though. "I would kill to play the guitar like you," he says, voice dripping with charisma. "How'd you—"

"You can try my bass, if you'd like," Doreen interrupts from behind her. Winnie's jaw goes a little slack — Doreen's the most protective with her bass — but her bandmate shoots her a meaningful look.

"Brilliant," Sirius says brightly. Winnie turns to watch Doreen in disbelief as they disappear into the backroom.

"Now he's not a random man, right?" Remus murmurs to her, his breath coasting against the shell of her ear. She nearly jumps out of her skin at the proximity.

"I suppose not," she says, trying to keep her cool but Remus is looking at her with bright eyes. It doesn't help when his lips quirk triumphantly, smugly. "But—" she interjects before it can widen any further, "—if it turns out that your friend is horrendous at the guitar, I think it's only fair if you also have to suffer through it."

Remus's brows shoot up. "And if he's good at it?"

"Then you get to witness my masterful teaching."

He huffs out a laugh, a little disbelieving, a little amused. "Fine," Remus sighs, but he's clearly trying not to smile. She finds herself wishing that he did. "I'll be there."

— — — — —

Sirius, as it turns out, is awful at the guitar. Winnie tries to chalk it up to it being his first time trying it out, but even then, he seemed... challenged.

She had been teaching him for an hour now — her sitting on one of the kitchen stools she had pulled into her flat's shoebox of a living room-bedroom situation, Sirius sitting on the couch with her old guitar precariously balanced on his knees. Remus tried to excuse himself once he realized his friend was musically challenged. Feeling merciful — and also realizing that Remus's presence was making her too nervous to focus on teaching Sirius — Winnie nodded him towards the kitchen. She had spent all morning meticulously cleaning her flat — even she knew she was being a little ridiculous and overly nervous when she started scrubbing at the oven — in preparation for the session. Even then, the knowledge that Remus was in her flat filled her with a different type of nerves.

"Let's take a break," Winnie huffs finally, setting her guitar down.

Sirius rises to his feet and stretches, looking relieved. "I'll get some water for us?" He offers, already making himself at home. Winnie nods, waving him off as she tries to fight back the incoming migraine from stressing over Sirius snapping her strings. At the reminder of his hand-eye coordination and all the glass she has in her cupboards, she springs to her feet quickly.

"Maybe I should just charm the guitar," Sirius is murmuring when she walks in to the kitchen.

"No amount of charisma will charm the guitar," Winnie says, amused. The boys straighten, looking strangely guilty.

"But Sirius is particularly charming," Remus supplies abruptly, darting a quick look to Sirius, who just looks startled by his friend's sudden proclamation.

"I see," Winnie says slowly, exchanging a baffled glance with Sirius.

"Right, well, I ought to practice some more then," Sirius says, giving a salute as he leaves the kitchen.

"Is he that bad?" Remus asks once Sirius leaves.

"It's like he's never used his hands before a day in his life to do anything," Winnie whispers to Remus with a solemn nod.

Remus makes a choking sound as though he's trying not to laugh. Winnie wishes he did. "You don't know the half of it," he huffs, lips curling as if he's sharing a secret.

"He's not really not very good with his fingers," Winnie admits honestly, lifting her cup to her lips.

"That's not his reputation among the girls," Remus blurts.

Winnie chokes on her water and starts coughing violently. Alarmed, Remus reaches out and pats her on the back. "What?" She rasps around a sore throat as she turns to give Remus an incredulous look.

His expression is too carefully neutral as he shrugs at her. "Sirius has always been Hogwart's most sought after bachelor," he recites, as if she's supposed to know what this meant.

"What's going on, Remus?" Winnie questions, her brows shooting up higher. "You've been acting strange recently. It's like you're trying to sell me this poor boy or..." She falters, turning to look at Remus. To his credit, he looks sheepish as he looks away to inspect her cabinets. "Remus," she begins, her voice dangerously low. "Please tell me you're not trying to set me up with your friend."

Remus goes pink in the face and it's all she needs to confirm her suspicions. Inwardly, her heart drops a little, but outwardly, she just stares at him, waiting for a proper response. As if realizing there wasn't a way of getting out of this, the brown-haired boy sighs a little, raking a hand through his hair. "I just thought you two would get along well together," he says, looking at her with earnest eyes.

It hurts. Much more than she cares to admit. Trying to swallow back the disappointment, Winnie turns so that he can't see it on her face. So that's what this has been about. "For how long?" She asks, her throat dry. She can feel a headache coming on.

"How long what?" Remus asks. He sounds confused.

"How long have you been thinking about setting us up? Did he even want to learn the guitar?" Winnie thinks back to Remus's reluctance on coming to her flat. She thinks back to him bringing Sirius along to the concert. She thinks about how much she likes Remus and how she thought he felt the same way. So it had all been one sided. Humiliation burns in her stomach as she stares down at her hands.

"No, he did, he did want to learn how to play the guitar," he says quickly. "Or, er, he was interested in learning after I told him about you. Sirius is a great guy, really!" Remus, all too late, seems to sense something amiss when she doesn't respond. He straightens, an expression of growing alarm on his face. "Are you... upset?"

"No," Winnie says. She wasn't, for once. In fact, she just wanted the ground to open up and swallow her hole. "I'm just..." She trails off, pinching the bridge of her nose before exhaling quietly.

"Sirius is a great guy, I promise," Remus says again, slowly as if not to spook a wild animal. But Winnie has already been spooked.

"Yeah, he is," she says, her voice pitched just slightly too high and just slightly too clipped as she turns to flee the kitchen. "But not very great at the guitar, so I'd better go check up on him. I suspect he'd find a way to set fire to my flat with just a guitar."

"I'm an idiot," she mutters to herself, closing her eyes for a moment.

A cheerful voice chirps up from the couch. "So, when can I join your band?"

— — — — —

Winnie doesn't go to work for the rest of the week. She asks her coworkers to cover her shift with a fake cough and a groan of a headache. The headache part isn't really a lie — ever since her conversation with Remus in her kitchen, she's felt a dull ache drumming behind her eyes. So she's holed herself in her apartment — specifically her bed, under lots of blankets — sulking and moping by herself.

By the fifth day, Winnie realizes bitterly that she can't keep this up. She has rent to pay. On the day that she's decided to come back into the coffee shop, her phone rings. "Winnie, are you coming in today?" her coworker asks.

"Yeah, I'm feeling better," Winnie lies as she stuffs her apron into her bag.

"Great," her coworker says before pausing. "There's been a bloke coming by asking for you."

Winnie can feel the headache come back full force. "A bloke," she repeats, knowing full well they both knew who she was talking about.

"Tall, brown hair. I told him you've been out sick, but he seems worried, so you ought to give him a ring."

To her chagrin, Remus is there the first day she comes back.

"Hi, welcome," she says, her voice tight. Winnie plasters a too-bright smile on her face to compensate. "What can I get for you today?"

Remus blinks. "A matcha latte. How have—"

"Coming right up," she says, punching in the order with rapid speed. Still smiling brightly. "That'll be $4.50—"

Remus hands her a five before she can finish.

"Here's your change, sir—" Winnie tacks it on at the end of the sentence before she can help it. Remus's face crumples in confusion for a moment, his brow furrowing together as he watches her for a moment longer. It feels as though his eyes are burning through her.

"You can keep the change," he says softly, still looking at her.

Winnie forces out a thank you. She feels as though her smile is starting to look like a grimace. Her cheeks are hurting. He's still looking at her with those stupidly pretty brown eyes. She knows he's waiting. She forces herself to look back down at the register before straightening. "Next in line, please."

— — — — —

To her relief, she's not on cash register duty the next time he comes. Winnie ducks her head with forced concentration as she makes an order. She's definitely too concentrated on making the drink that she doesn't notice the way his face brightens again when he sees her as he nears the counter. She's definitely too concentrated to hear her coworker take his order of a matcha latte. She's definitely too concentrated to feel his eyes on her as she busies herself behind the counter. She definitely wasn't paying attention.

This game of concentration can only go on for so long, Winnie realizes belatedly after she finishes making his drink. She stares down at his name on the cup glumly for a moment before putting her best customer-service smile back on. "For Remus," she calls out without quite looking up. Though she knows that he's sitting patiently at his normal table.

When he comes, Winnie puts a straw on the lid, trying not to look as tense as she feels.

"Hi," he says, looking at her fully in the face.

"Hi," she says back, not quite looking at him, but also not quite looking away. This time, there's no line and nowhere to escape to.

Remus fiddles with the straw wrapper slowly. "How..." He falters, his eyes imploring as he tries to catch her gaze. His brows are furrowed slightly. "...have you been? They said you've been ill?"

"Ah yeah," Winnie says weakly, busying herself with tidying up the straws and napkins by the register. "Caught a cold."

"It's not Dragon Pox, is it?" He says, his brows furrowing even further, a crease of concern between them.

Winnie blinks at him. "Dragon Pox?"

Remus blinks back at her. "Oh, maybe not then," he murmurs hurriedly before clearing his throat. "Er, if you're still feeling ill, I have this—" He reaches into the pocket of his long coat and pulls out a small vial. Winnie stares at it blankly. "—that helps with cold symptoms."

She squints at it, dubiously. "Is that medicine?"

Remus fiddles with the little glass vial. "Something of the sort."

"You just carry that around... in your pocket?"

"Well no," Remus says, looking embarrassed now. He clears his throat as his eyes dart down to the vial. "I wanted to give it to you, but I thought that dropping it off at your flat might be too much."

"Oh," Winnie says dumbly. Her stomach does a traitorous flip and she forces herself to also look down at the vial as her last defenses against him begin to crumble. She should've known this was going to happen. "That's sweet of you."

"It's nothing," he mumbles, setting the vial on the table. "Er, are you busy today?"

Winnie swallows. "Yeah, I've been out, so I ought to pull my weight around here," she says, though she thinks the both of them knows that it's a lie. The coffee shop barely had anyone else in it. But Winnie doesn't look up at him to see his face fall — she knows that if he just flashes her his doe eyes, she'll be back at square one. She forces a smile on her face.

Remus nods. His disappointment is clear on his face as he stuffs his hand back into the pocket of his coat. Winnie tried not to think about it. "Right, well, I'll be over there if you need a break."

— — — — —

Her landline rings again for the third time in the past fives minutes as she tries to get the chord progression correct. Though she's been trying, she's hit an even bigger music-block recently. Winnie squints at the number — it's the same one that's been trying to dial her. With a frustrated sigh, she sets her guitar to the side and picks up the receiver from the landline with a little too much vigor. "Hello?" She asks, the irritation in her voice cutting through clearly.

"Winnie?"

She pauses, taken aback. "This is she," she says after a moment. Who would be calling her nearly at midnight?

"Sorry, were you sleeping? I just got a telephone and I wanted to call, but I didn't realize it was this late—" The person on the other end sounds a little out of breath.

"Sorry, who is this?" She asks, bewildered now.

A pause. "It's Remus."

Winnie nearly drops the phone. "Remus?" She repeats.

"Yeah," he says uncertainly. "Remus Lupin," he adds, as if that'll help.

"Of course I know who you are," she says, a little disbelieving.

"You didn't sound like you did a few seconds ago," he says good-naturedly.

"Well, I wasn't expecting a call from someone without a phone."

He huffs out a laugh, soft and quiet. Hearing it close to her ear through the receiver makes a warmth spread through her chest. This was dangerous. She settles back on the couch as Remus continues talking, his voice soft like he's trying not to wake up his flatmate. "Well, to be fair, I did just get it."

"I never thought I'd see the day," she murmurs despite the danger bells tolling in her head. "What made you take the technological leap?"

Winnie can almost hear his eye roll through the receiver. "Well, I may have offended a girl at this coffee shop I frequent by not having one. Thought I should right my wrongs."

Her heart stutters dangerously in her chest. She's glad he can't see her because she can feel a pleased warmth flushing across her face as she lies down on the couch and kicks her legs over the armchair. She wants to scream from the giddiness. And then scream again for having no dignity. The thought that he had gotten a phone to call her is entirely absurd, but Winnie almost lets herself believe it. "I see," she says after she collects herself for a moment. "Sounds noble." A pause. "So you kept my napkin."

"No," Remus says automatically. "Sirius threw it away."

Winnie frowns, her brows furrowing. "Then how'd you get my number?"

"I memorized it."

She nearly falls to the floor at that, the phone rubbing against the couch as she sits up swiftly.

"Hello?" Remus's distant voice calls uncertainly through the speaker. "Winnie?"

"Hi!" Winnie chirps into the phone quickly, too brightly. She's beyond glad Remus can't see her face — she knows she's bright red now. And she's trying hard not to grin ear to ear. "Sorry about that, poor connection," she fibs.

Remus pauses. She can almost hear the frown in his voice when he speaks up again. "Is it my phone? The man at the store said it might—"

"No, no, that was on my end," she says quickly, fanning herself now. She needed to calm down. Immediately. "So, why did you call?"

A pause. She can hear him shuffling like he's sitting down. "No reason," he says. "I just wanted to hear your voice. I like this. It feels like I can hear you smiling."

To hell with calming down. She was getting no sleep that night with the way her heart was palpitating. "Holy hell," Winnie murmurs out loud, very sure now that Remus was trying to kill her. Death by heart attack. Remus Lupin, the secret ladykiller.

"What was that?" Remus asks through the phone.

"Nothing," Winnie mumbles, closing her eyes.

They both fall silent, though Winnie is sure he can hear her thumping heart through the receiver. "Er, Winnie," Remus speaks up finally. "The other reason I wanted to call was I suppose it had felt like it's been ages since we last spoke and I missed talking with you."

Winnie's heart does a dangerous quiver. And then she catches herself, all too soon, and all too suddenly.

Even after the past few weeks of trying to get over her unrequited crush, all it took was a few sweet words from him for her to cave and start at the beginning again. She couldn't keep being pushed and pulled and pushed and pulled. If she wanted to properly move on, she needed distance. Proper distance.

As if sensing something, Remus speaks up again hesitantly. "Did I do something?"

"No," Winnie says, closing her eyes. She can almost hear him breathing on the other end of the call. This would be easier to do over the phone, when she can't see his big brown eyes staring back at her earnestly — although she feels as though she's committed it to memory and can imagine it. "It's me, I— It's nothing that you've done or anything, I just need space."

"Space," Remus echoes quietly.

She tries to let out a light laugh. "Yeah, I've just got a lot on my mind recently. It's nothing you've done."

Remus is quiet for awhile before he speaks up again. "I'm here to listen if you ever want to talk through anything," he says softly. "We're friends, after all, right?"

"Friends," she murmurs to herself before straightening. "Right, of course."

More silence. "Well, it's late so I'll let you go." A pause, as if he's waiting for a response. Waiting for her to keep talking like she always did. Waiting for a reason to keep talking.

"Good night, Remus," she says instead, her fingers tightening around the receiver.

"Good night, Winnie." Winnie can hear the disappointment in his voice and lets it sink into her like a dagger. She needed to remember it to move on. Then maybe they could properly be friends. Winnie hangs up the phone first.

— — — — —

"Morning, Winnie," a bright voice chirps.

Winnie looks up, startled to see a pair of striking, but familiar gray eyes peering back at her. Sirius Black is standing in front of the counter, grinning at her widely. "Sirius," she says, surprised. "What can I get for you?"

Sirius gives the menu a cursory glance. "Huh, matcha," he says to himself thoughtfully.

"That's what Remus normally gets," she offers, trying to be helpful.

Sirius looks back at her, his eyes bright and startling astute. "You know," he says, dropping his voice to a secretive murmur. Despite herself, Winnie leans closer curiously. "Remus thinks matcha tastes like grass."

Winnie recoils, bewildered. That wasn't what she was expecting to hear. "Grass?" She repeats, a little affronted now. "It does not taste like grass—"

"Winnie," he says again, arching a delicate brow at her. "Remus thinks matcha tastes like grass."

She shoots him a baleful glare that goes against her customer service training. "Okay," she exhales. "So what drink would you want then?"

Sirius sighs as if she's being terribly daft. "What I'm saying is that Remus hates the taste of matcha but comes here nearly every other day to drink it. Isn't that strange?"

Winnie blinks. Once. Twice. It's as if Sirius can see the thought forming on her face because he starts to grin. "But," she says stubbornly, mulishly. Sirius's grin falters. Winnie takes secret pleasure in that. "—he drinks it every time."

Sirius's expression goes slack, but Winnie refuses to be deterred. She had already tricked herself twice into thinking that there could be more between her and Remus, she wasn't going to put herself through that again. "Merlin," Sirius exhales, scrubbing a frustrated hand over his face. "You both are so bloody stubborn—"

"No, he doesn't," a voice cuts in from behind her. Her coworker steps in with an equally exasperated expression. "Winnie, I'll be honest with you, he only ever drinks it when you make it. Whenever I hand it to him, it just sits there."

Sirius's grin returns, full force, as he nods excitedly. "I'm only telling you so that you can both stop dancing around each other. And so he can stop playing your bleeding cas— casserole... Merlin, what are they called? The little magical music squares?" Sirius flounders and turns to her coworker for help.

"Cassettes?" Her coworker supplies uncertainly.

"Cassettes!" Sirius agrees, looking relieved before he rounds on Winnie again to continue his berating. "So he can stop playing your bleeding cassettes around the flat!" And then he pauses. "Er, no offense, your music is great, but I just can't keep listening to the same album—"

"He has my cassettes?" Winnie whispers, wide-eyed.

Sirius stares at her like she's being impossibly dumb. "Yeah," he says, solemnly. "Everyday I'm a little tempted to throw them—" He seems to catch himself because he shoulders on smoothly. "Anyways, while he's been sulking around the flat, I finally found out that Moony was being ridiculous and was trying to play cupid. He can be incredibly dense for someone so smart," Sirius sighs, grimacing. "By the way, I actually was interested in learning the guitar."

Winnie stares at him dumbly, a little shell-shocked. "Oh," she says as Sirius gives her a wink.

"He's coming by later," he says as he turns towards the door.

"What?" She blurts. Remus hasn't come by or called her ever since she had asked for space, expectedly. She had been ignoring the empty feeling since then, reasoning it to be a necessary development for her to move on.

"I told him you had called on the — what's it called? — phone-tele saying you wanted to see him."

"What?" Winnie exclaims, but Sirius is already fleeing through the door. Dimly, she thinks that he didn't even order a drink.

"Go easy on him, sweetheart! He likes tea!"

— — — — —

"One matcha please."

"Name?"

A small, uncertain smile. A hesitant hint of a dimple. Her heart quaking again. "Remus Lupin."

"Coming right up."

Winnie tries to still her shaking hands as she makes him a drink. It doesn't help that she can feel her heart bursting through her chest. She takes a steadying breath and rakes a hand through her hair before taking the drink to his table. "For a Remus Lupin," she announces, setting the cup down in front of him. It's near closing time and there's no one else in the coffee shop.

Remus looks up, his brows shooting up below his waves. "What's this?"

"Earl gray," she says, matching his gaze.

His brows furrow. "But I ordered matcha."

"It's a personal recommendation from the kitchen," she says, nodding down at the tea. "I heard that matcha tastes like grass."

Remus's face pales, but he manages to cover it up with a nervous laugh that only confirms her suspicions. And her hopes. "Matcha doesn't taste like grass—" he begins, but his voice falters when he catches sight of her smiling.

"Remus," she says brightly, her smile broadening. "I finished the song."

"The song," he says blankly, looking startled as if he's trying to keep up. He blinks at her rapidly.

"The love song I've been stuck on," she reminds him impatiently.

"Oh! Oh! See, I knew you'd be able to finish," Remus says, still looking bewildered.

Winnie smiles at him. "It was inspired by you."

"Inspired by me," he parrots for a moment, nodding, before his eyes widen fractionally. "Inspired by me?" He blurts.

"What I'm saying is," she begins, folding her hands in her lap to keep them from shaking. "I like you."

Maybe the only way to move on was to be properly rejected. Or maybe the only way to move on, Winnie thought selfishly, was to give in to the hope that Sirius had planted.

Remus's face goes slack. And then, wonderfully, a soft pink flush begins to crawl up the nape of his neck, dusting his cheeks in two brilliant splotches. "I— Winnie— But you're—" he flounders, mouth opening and closing repeatedly. Dimly, Winnie thinks it's a little unfair how adorable he looks flustered. She also thinks that she wouldn't mind always seeing him flustered.

"But I'm so what?" She asks, tilting her head to the side casually, despite her thundering heartbeat.

"But you're so, so—" he's stammering now, flushed and a little wild-eyed. "—incandescent."

Winnie thought she had control over the conversation, but at his admittance, she feels a little dizzy. "Incandescent," she repeats in a wide-eyed whisper. In that moment, she knew that no boy would ever call her anything as meaningful. That there would be no other boy that would mean anything to her.

Remus's face only turns a brighter scarlet as he backtracks. "I mean, you're you and I'm— I'm Remus," he says nonsensically.

"Remus Lupin," she corrects with a weak laugh, heart still thumping dangerously.

Remus nods earnestly, as if that's supposed to make any sense. "Yeah," he says, throat bobbing as he swallows. "And, and you could do so much better." Winnie's heart clenches a little at the way he can't meet her eyes. "I'm— I'm not good with people— I wouldn't be good for you."

Winnie chewed the inside of her cheek uncertainly. "Remus, I can't tell if you actually think that or if you really don't like me and are just using that as an excuse because I'd rather it if you just rejected me outright—"

"Of course I like you," he blurts a little frantically with a disbelieving laugh. Winnie's heart trembles so violently that she thinks she needs to take a seat. Remus, on the other hand, pales a little at his outburst as he scrubs a hand over his face. "I mean, anybody would. But you could do so much better. I mean, I'm not good with people or talking and I don't—" She can see that he's begun to work himself up into some sort of frazzled frenzy. "I don't have tattoos or eat cigs for breakfast," he blurts.

Winnie does a double-take. "I know?" She says, bewildered. "Where is this coming from?"

"You said the type of guy you're attracted to has tattoos and eats cigs for breakfast."

Winnie balks at him for a moment before she realizes what he's talking about. She wants to laugh but instead holds it in as she stares fondly at the man in front of her. "Remus," she sighs again, stepping closer to him. The knowledge that he liked her back sends thrilling waves of adrenaline through her. Even though he's taller than her, she feels as though she's the one towering over him.

Emboldened, Winnie takes a deep breath, rises to her toes because he's so bloody tall, and grabs him by the cheeks. Remus's mouth clamps shut as his eyes widen. She wishes she could pour all her emotion into her palm and just press it against him so that he would understand.

"I said that those were the guys I attract, not that I'm attracted to. And I think you're lovely, to say in the least. You're kind, brilliant, a wonderful listener. I think your eyes and your smile are stupidly distracting— Actually, I think you're just the prettiest boy I've ever seen. And I wish you could see these things for yourself, but if it means that I have to love you for the both of us, I would be happy to. If you'd let me."

"Oh," Remus blurts, two bright scarlet splotches flushing on his cheeks. Up close, Winnie can see the way the light catches like gold in his brown eyes.

"Sorry, I'm always talking your ear off," she whispers, her fingers curling a little in the waves his hair. His skin is soft and warm beneath her fingers. "It's fine, really, if you want to reject me. But it's not fair for you to make the decision based off what you think I should want. Because I know that I want you and that's enough for me, yeah?"

Remus parts his mouth and Winnie is so sure that he's going to say something stubborn again.

"Can I kiss you?" He murmurs, brown eyes blown dark and wide as they dart to her lips.

Caught entirely caught off guard, all Winnie can do is make an assenting sound before his head is dipping down towards hers swiftly, as though that was all he was waiting for.

There's no soft, chaste exploration she had expected — instead, Remus kisses like he's burning up from the inside, like he's melting into her. His mouth is warm and sweet — he tastes like the earl gray tea she had made — and his lips are soft as one of his hand rises to catch her jaw, his other hand slipping gently to cradle the back of her head, his long fingers in her hair, as he tilts her face up.

Winnie's mind went blank the moment his lips slotted against hers, but she's rendered entirely useless when his teeth tugs at her bottom lip gently. All she can do is cling onto his neck and shoulders — she doesn't even know when her hands had moved from cupping his face — as Remus tries to guide her even closer to him. Winnie doesn't even have the capacity to feel embarrassment at the appreciative sigh that's pulled from her lips when he deepens the kiss.

To her mingled disappointment and relief — because she's started to run out of air and was feeling light-headed — Remus pulls back just far enough to peer at her with wide eyes. "Sorry, was that too much?" He whispers, voice wonderfully hoarse, his lips still brushing against hers. His brown eyes dart from her eyes to her lips and back around as if he can't decide where to look.

Total ladykiller, Winnie thinks dimly. Somehow, he always managed to catch her off guard even when she thought she was in control. "Um," she manages, breathless, her heart nearly giving out now. "Wow."

When she catches sight of him properly, another thrill runs through her. His pretty eyes are dazed over and his lips reddened and flushed. He looks a little dizzy. "Yeah," he murmurs back, equally nonsensically. He brushes a thumb across her jaw, sending a shiver down her spine. Catching this, Remus just smiles at her, as if impossibly endeared, and it does little to calm her heart. "How about a date tomorrow?"

"Not a coffee shop, I hope," Winnie says mulishly in an attempt to deflect from her warming cheeks. But Remus, as always, can see right through her.

A soft laugh rumbles in his chest as he smiles down at her fondly. "We can go wherever you want."

— — — — —

It's rush hour again. There's a dozen cups lined up for her to make and she's begun to lose track of what she's doing. When she glances down at the name of the one she just finished, Winnie doesn't bother hiding her grin as she calls out, "An earl gray for a Remus Lupin!"

Winnie's smile widens when she catches sight of him in his knitted sweater. And then, "I'm missing a drink."

Her smile falters in confusion as she looks down at the earl gray in his hand. "Hm?" She hums, frowning now.

Remus nods down at the other drink she had finished making, his lips twitching. Winnie blinks at his smile distractedly before peering at the cup. "Matcha latte for Cariad?"

Remus just smiles innocently at her, his eyes warm and fond. "That one's for you."

a/n: hope you enjoyed! love love love hearing your thoughts, so let me know what you think! <3 i feel like i could make a whole remus coffee shop -verse of oneshots now... if that's something.... we would be interested in............. i love the idea of wizards interfacing with muggle society and how shite they would be (re: sirius not knowing how to do anything). even though remus's mom is a muggle, i imagine since he's been at hogwarts for most of his life from 11-18 and spent his childhood moving around a lot and living in the more rural areas, i wanted to play off the idea that though he's been in muggle society, he's probably awkward as hell in a muggle city. edit: more remus x winnie oneshots on my masterlist! >> my masterlist!

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sennamaticart · 4 months

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Every New Years, I like to show off some of the art that never got posted during the year! I think its important to know not everything makes it through to the final stage, but its always good to keep track of your work!

Explanations under the read more!

One of the many unicorn drawings I made this year, I was SUPER dedicated to making something that echoes the design of a halberd. When I was making it, it ended up feeling like I was going through the motions and I lost sight of the original idea. It ended up being finished, but I never posted it because it felt like it wasn't good enough to stand alongside my other works in the series!

A little doodle of Uncle Stinky and I from early January! I really DO like this one, and would have posted it if it were more substantial. I'm hoping to maybe repurpose it into a bigger collection of my diary comics instead of letting it rot on my hard drive for no reason!

Another Uncle Stinky drawing. I actually think I might've posted this one somewhere on twitter or Instagram, but it didn't seem to make it to tumblr for the same reason as the previous drawing. But fun fact! This was one of the first drawings I made with the Kolormarc brushes that ended up shaping my unicorn art during the year!

Another unfinished Unicorn drawing. This one went through a ton of differently thumbnails over quite a few weeks. I got all the way to the lineart before I burned out on it. I just couldn't decide how I wanted to color it and other work ended up piling up. I would really like to see it through to the finish line in the future.

A collection of photobashed weapons from a DnD campaign. This was the campaign my friend DMed and the same campaign that created Romeo. I made this drawing for a zine we've been working on for a few months. If it ever makes it to finish, I'd love the share the zine with you guys! The weapons are (in order from left to right) a lethal squirt gun, owned by Romeo, a glittery mace owned by Hugh Mongus, a temperature-controlled hook for Captain Hook, and a feather-light sword for Hickory.

The very first thing i made in the Womp 3D software! I don't have much experience with 3D modeling, but it was pretty easy to latch onto the mechanics of this! It was just a simple beast, I still kind of like it!

Another DnD drawing for the same zine as #5. This is a little drawing of an NPC named Rumple, who's some fancy fashion designer who's crossed paths with Romeo in the past. Rumple was really fun to interact with, and the snazziest dresser in the campaign!

A itty bitty Uncle Stinky I made for a super bare-bones pet game i found somewhere? It was so barebones that it's pretty much useless. But hey! If you wanna try it out, I'm hosting it on my (practically unused) neocities page

Some drawings of my friend @finnimate 's DnD character from the same campaign as Zoltan! His name is Angel, and he's a big sturdy triceratops. I love a good dinosaur, but Triceratops are notoriously awkward to draw. I threw this page together just to try it out and see if I could help them settle on a design. I don't think I succeeded, but I like getting to draw Angel anyways :D

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brother-emperors · 4 months

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how long do you typically spend drawing a comic page? I'm a perfectionist and I have a hard time keeping a reasonable working pace for comics

so I’m actually going to not answer this one (the answer is both less and more time than people think, and it depends) but instead I’m going to give you some advice on how to deal with perfectionism when it comes to making comics

the first thing is to see if you can kill your inner perfectionist, which basically means, can you get comfortable with imperfections? this is something that can be difficult to do, but it can also really take some weight off your shoulders if you can look at a line that’s a little squiggly instead of perfectly smooth and move on from it. there’s a whole page, a single wonky line, is like. fine, especially if you’re doing more than one page.

if not, that’s okay! we’re moving on to the 75%-80% rule, which is: figure out what giving 100% in art looks like for you, then find out what giving 70%-80% looks like. As a person, you can probably consistently give 80% to any given illustration, but doing 100% all the time is going to fuck you up in the long run. If you can get comfortable consistently giving a 80%, you can then decide when you want to crank it up for dramatic effect, or you can save going all in on something fun or a big project. if perfectionism is a hard habit to break, instead try it reframe it as giving a ‘perfect’ 80% instead of 100. it’s all about that overall visual consistency, baby!

comics can feel like doing seven or eight individual illustrations on a page (panels) and some people definitely tackle them this way, and that makes learning what you can consistently give without wanting to shove your hands into cement very important. If every panel is a solid 80%, the entire page looks Good (which means the entire page is working at 100% because you have visual consistency/coherency and that’s what matters)

ideally, you reach a point where you can gauge what a good 80% of what you can give looks like across an entire sequence. for me, Trikaranos is operating at 80% while Ex Voto is 70% (part of it is that Trikaranos is more demanding, while Ex Voto is more casual and vibes based, but for both I put a lot more work into formatting and lettering)

part of what can help with all of this is figuring out a good work pipeline that encourages finishing up a sequence to keep you from getting stuck agonizing on small details

a decent one is this

thumbnails > rough pencils > do tight pencils where you think you’ll need it (I do tight pencils on facial expressions, furniture if there are bodies on it, and perspective shots) > inks > colors > lettering

adjust it based on whatever your own needs are, etc.

what’s imperative to this is that you don’t do the pencils > inks > coloring stages in sequential order, but instead jump around so that you don’t burn your energy through it (in that there’s a drop in quality as you either get tired or start to rush). Jumping around lets you spread out your high energy points and it picks up the slack for when you want to just get it done, but also it forcibly keeps you from spending too much time on one specific thing. (which is why breaking it up into stages is important, instead something like finishing one whole page from pencils to colors and then doing the next one)

when I do single page comics, I usually alternate every other panel, when I do multi page comics, I’ll either alternate entire pages or I’ll do the first and last pages at the start, and then jump around the middle in whatever order I feel like.

whenever I find myself spending too much time on something, I will set a playlist that has either a 15 minute or half hour run time, and when I reach the last song, if I’m still fucking around focusing on one thing, I’ll make myself move in and return to it later. I do this the most with the inking stage so that I don’t over ink something (I find crosshatching relaxing, but it doesn’t often look good because I do too much in one place and it looks bad because it doesn’t work with the rest of the panels and then I have to start over), and then I can go back to a panel with fresh eyes later and decide whether or not more detail is necessary for the whole page to look good, or if it’s fine as is.

and ofc, the most important guideline of all: the Fuck It, We’re Done rule, which is at some point, you may look at a page and go ‘I don’t want to work on this any more, I’m tired, it’s not fun, I’ll be stuck here forever, etc’ and that’s when you put your pencil down, physically move back from the page, and figure out what the bare minimum amount of work you need to do in order for the whole page to be coherent is, do JUST THAT, and post it.

at the end of the day, it’s the whole page that’s important, not all the individual details, so try not to focus on too many small details early on, but instead go back and add them in closer to the end. You can clean up any line art mistakes that are bothering you here at this stage too.

finally, don’t zoom in too close on a digital canvas, especially if you’re doing pencils. there’s no reason for a reader to zoom in close like that unless you specifically want them too, spare your hands the agony of tiny details that won’t be seen when you upload it at viewer resolutions. I know artists who won’t go past 150% because those details won’t show up at print resolutions.

HEUGHGHHH this is so so long, but hopefully there is some helpful advice in there for you, anon

#ask tag #long post #art supply tag #like technically #it’s more like art advice but the same kind of deal #ymmv this is a very professional ‘I have deadlines to meet’ type of thing. because I had deadlines to meet lmao #this is also close to how the American industry pros go about doing it. so. spare yourself the student loan debt #and modify it away to suit your needs

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asherashedwings · 16 days

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kind of a dumb question but how do you redraw a frame? im just wondering how you completely draw over the character and get the same screen effects as the show

It’s not a dumb question, dw!

I know you asked specifically about screen effects, but I’m just gonna go over my whole process just to clear all bases.

So first, I start out with the frame I want to redraw. I’ll be using this frame as an example.

So I go onto my desired drawing program and insert the photo onto my canvas. I usually scale it up quite a bit since these screenshots tend to be pretty small and I don’t want my brush strokes to be bigger than I like.

Next I trace over the character’s basic shapes, just so I can get a grasp on how they’re posed, their expression, and figure out how to translate that into my own style better

Then comes the actual redraw part. I sketch over this layout with my own design and style, altering details like proportions and a bit of posing as I see fit to capture the same energy while keeping true to my own style choices.

Then I do line art and color.

Then I carefully edit out the parts of the original character so they’re not peeking out behind the redraw. This mainly just comes down to color matching and blending in order to make it look natural and not obviously edited. My editing tend to be pretty crappy, but it’s good enough to not be noticeable at first glance I think lol

Then, to get the character to look like it actually belongs in the scene, I add several overlaying layers and shading.

And then it’s done!

I think the only screenshot redraw I’ve had to try a different tactic on was this Sir Pentious redraw, cuz the shot had a camera effect over it. For that I just added a purpley pink overlay and a bunch of horizontal lines that I later blurred a bit

Hope this helped!

#ashedwings post #ashedwings art #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel redesign #hazbin alastor #hazbin pentious #hazbin sir pentious #hazbin hotel redraw #hazbin hotel fanart #art tutorial #i think?

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ikranwings · 1 year

Text

RECOMS KINK LIST PART TWO

Same as before! Two kinks per character!

This is strictly 18+ minors DNI

Tw: mentions of blood, wips, Lopez is a kinky mf

This is part of a present so I hope you all enjoy ❤️❤️

MANSK

COCK WARMING.

This man thoroughly enjoys cock warming, he feels it brings him and his partner closer together. He wants to be close to you right away and this is the closest thing he can think of.

Sure he tries to stay still even makes it a game to see who breaks first. This man loves the feeling of you wrapped snuggly around his cock and if he could stay like that forever he would.

After a good fuck he will fall asleep in this position with you as long as you're comfortable with it. In his mind it's a good way to keep all of him within you for as long as possible. All of these things he talks with you about prior to doing so, the man is very big on having your consent and ensuring you are satisfied just as much as he is.

Sometimes you tease him(why not he does it to you all the time?) You'll both be laying there within one another's arms. Him balls deep within your pussy and you just lightly grind your hips down into his pelvis. The groan that comes from this man, dear lord. You can't tell me he doesn't turn you over after that and pound you into the mattress until you're a shaking and overstimulated mess.

Body worship/slight overstim

He loves being able to play with your senses, wax play, ice play, blindfolds,fingering. Anything that he knows you enjoy you better believe hes going to extort it all just for your pleasure.

Dragging the ice down your body, from your neck, down between your boobs. Trailing a slow line down to your navel. Mind you as hes doing this, this man has the fingers of his free hand buried deeply into your cunt. His thumb softly rubbing your clit as he watches every little reaction you have. This man has you under his finger and you both know it.

How are you doing princess? You like that? You look so beautiful like this. Your so wet baby and its all for me? Gorgeous princessa absolutely gorgeous.

LOPEZ

MASOCHISM KINK

Outside of the bedroom this man ensures you're safe, hes really attentive to the point that really no one would assume this sort of thing about him.

Inflicting pain in the bedroom is something he gets off on, both giving and receiving. However he dose agree to a color system with you simply to ensure it never goes to far. Yes he dose enjoy, even love inflicting pain. However not to the expense of your own health.

Lopez absolutely loves to be tied up during sex, especially if it's tied a little to tight because again he loves pain being inflicted upon him. Tie his arms behind his back and ankles together, make him kneel before you. Ride him like there's no tomorrow! Make your hands grip his shoulders in order to make him hold the both of you up.

Orgasm denial or giving him relentless orgasms is another way to induce pain on him, overstimulation can be painful and really he quite likes that a lot. Bring him to the very edge multiple times just to stop what your doing.

Use a wip or a flogger and strike his thighs this man will just moan for you, hes like putty in your hands. Drag the leather across his cheek, sure in the beginning you where worried about this part being to much for him however, he insisted and promised you it wouldn't be. This man is begging for the pain this thing inflicts on him and who are you to tell him no?

MARK HIM, bite his shoulder! the area where his neck meets his shoulder as well. That little juncture there makes him go nuts. Draw blood from him when you do and lick over it. This man dose it to you all the time, why not inflict that same pain on him? Especially since it will make him a moaning mess. Only you can make him feel this way and it would make anyone feel a sense of pride and power.

Mannn, pull on his braid, yank on it. Thats the sort of pain he enjoys. You pull on anyone's hair let alone something that contains his que of course its going to cause pain however for him, when it comes to you? A growling moan is pulled from deep within his chest. Oh you're not going to be able to walk for a week that for damn sure. But it was going to be for a deliciously pleasurable reason.

ORAL/ FACE SITTING

When he first suggested face sitting it more than likely made you a little nervous. Not for yourself but for him. Don’t be afraid you’re going to suffocate him, this man wants to be buried face deep in your pussy. Lopez can never get enough of you.

He will wrap his arms around your thighs in order to help keep you in steady above him. Anything to make it easier for you to ride his face so he doesn't have to worry about you moving off of him in order to readjust yourself over his face, this man wants to waist absolutely no time with you. He will eat you out like its his last meal and will continue into painstaking overstimulation as he just loves the sounds that fall from your lips as your grind down on his tounge.

Grab his hair and tug on it as you grind on him, its back to the firs kink for him. He loves the dull pain that you cause when pulling on his short hair in order to gain some sort of levrage on him. It pulls a groan from him that vibrates through your body and man dose it feel so eye rolling good.

He knows when your close to. Your thighs start to shake in his hands and he just knows how to pull it out of you, how to prolong your orgasm so you collapse over him crying out his name and shuddering within his arms.

Taglist:

@nin3kyuu Lopez is a present

@tarrynightss

@dyingofcookies

@milknhonies

@villiansimpqueen

@drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed

@zilena9

@mxddymay

@avatarbyamara

#avatar #avatar 2 #avatar the way of water #avatar: the way of water #ikran #navi #mansk avatar #mansk smut #mansk #private mansk #recom lopez #recom lopez x reader #Lopez #avatar recoms #recoms x reader #recoms

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saradiation · 4 months

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What brush do you use for your final lineart ? How do you color your sketch ? i struggle so much with this ;(

I can only tell you my brushes and process for Paint Tool Sai because it's the only program I know, but I'm sure it'll be very similar for other programs as well, you'll just have to find where to change your layer modes/clipping mask and for the brushes try different settings until they look somewhat the same I guess? :)

So first, my brushes : I only use two for my whole drawing and rendering process lol. One for the first sketch (a marker brush) that I also use to shade/render. And a second one to refine my lines, darken the lineart ↓

Now for changing your lineart colors, there's several options but the one that works for me is to keep your lineart layer in multiply mode, then add a new layer on top of it and clip it to the one underneath (it's called Clipping Group in SAI but I believe they call it Clipping mask in other programs) ↓

then you just have to paint in the clipping mask layer whatever color you'd like your lineart to be :)

Also as a note, if your Lineart layer is in multiply mode, you'll want to have layers with colors/shading/rendering always under your lineart layer or the layer effects won't work anymore. (You can see the exact order I keep my layers in the picture above)

Hope this helps! ❤️

#art tips #ask

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rollinouttahere-writes · 9 months

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One Piece Space AU

In this AU, the Grand Line is now the Grand Line Galaxy. A particularly diverse and dangerous galaxy that draws in all kinds of adventurers. There are also tons of valuable resources here that catch the attention of the Enforcers. Enforcers are this AU’s version of marines. They claim to exist to maintain peace and order.

The Grand Line Galaxy is known for having streams flowing through it that can be used for traveling. These streams are made up of a clear liquid that resembles water but has a far lower freezing temperature and is also extremely toxic to anything that didn’t evolve to inhabit it.

There are two types of spaceships here. One is the more typical version that we see in sci-fi movies, the other is the kind of boat inspired spaceships like in the Treasure Planet movie.

The boat spaceships are considered ideal in the Grand Line because they can be used to sail on the stream, thus only needing fuel when they leave the stream to dock at a station or planet. This is not only much faster than the average spaceship, but is much more fuel efficient since it can just ride the current. The current is extremely fast, you do not want to fall off.

There are no devil fruits in this AU, just weird alien powers.

Fishman are pretty similar to how they usually are in this AU. They evolved in the Grand Line Stream so they can enter it freely. Biggest differences are that they’re larger and have more alien features.

Humans do exist in the space AU, but aren’t very common to see. Aliens have been snatching up humans for experiments/labor/pleasure for a long time, so it’s not unheard of to see them about. Some humans have been able to escape what they were sold into and have established human colonies.

The calm belt is made up of vapor from the streams and consists of dense storm-like clouds that cover the entire galaxy. Absolutely no technology functions while in the calm belt, only entirely hand operated mechanisms will be able to work. There are many large deep space creatures occupying the calm belt that will rip apart anything/anyone that is unfortunate enough to drift into it. The only “safe” entrance to the Grand Line Galaxy is where the streams first begin. If you’re in a regular spaceship, it’s pretty easy to slip in through the opening. If you’re in the boat spaceship and have to enter the stream, it’s much more tedious. Due to how fast the current is, one wrong move while entering it can easily slip over the ship and tear it to shreds.

The Straw Hats

Unfortunately as a writer, I cannot name things for the life of me. None of the alien species here are going to be named, but feel free to assign names to them if you feel like it. I am also going to be including Brook and Jinbei here even though I haven’t gotten to them yet. My interpretation are based entirely off spoilers I’ve seen and cold reading, I will probably come back later to tweak these after I get to them.

EDIT: Big thank you to @emtynessinmyworld for coming up with all the names for the alien species!

Both the Going Merry and the Thousand Sunny are the Treasure Planet style ships.

Luffy - Anaxdunamis

His species is known for its above average durability and strength. They can shrug off devastating blows like it's nothing and bounce back from it due their bodies being somewhat stretchy. If you pressed down on their skin, it would be tough, but have a little bit of give to it (like squeezing an eraser). Skin colors vary from orange, to pink, to red depending on the individual. Hair is very coarse and dark, it feels like a scrub brush. Their eyes are very dark, the pupils and irises are both pitch black and indistinguishable from each other (eyes do have whites). Carnivorous and have sharp teeth. Has four fingers on each hand. Relatively similar to humans in appearance in terms of anatomy. This species is considered ideal for being an Enforcer.

Luffy himself has a light pink skin color (looks like a bad sunburn). Despite being carnivorous, he eats all kinds of food regardless. Luffy’s abilities far surpass the average member of his species. His body has more give and can stretch far beyond what it should be able to do. Possible hybrid but no one has been able to confirm it or come up with what the other species would be.

Zoro - Dynamikopis

A very bulky bipedal mammalian species with quills all over their bodies and slight snouts. Densest on the back, but are present along the arms too. No hair, just quills pointed back on head. Skin is tan (like pre time skip Zoro). Omnivorous, mostly eats meat but can also eat other things. His species hibernates for a few months out of the year due to their home planet having extremely harsh winters. Has three fingers on each hand with claws. Eyes have vertical pupils and are various shades of green or brown (like alligator eyes).

Zoro’s quills are a deep forest green color, and his eyes are a light brown. While Zoro doesn’t do the whole hibernation thing done on his home planet, he naps a lot to make up for it. His body is designed to store fat so he’s prone to having a bit of a dad bod.

Nami

Human.

Nami was abducted along with many other humans as an infant. The ship she was on was intercepted by pirates. The battle was brutal and ended with both ships being destroyed. A passing Enforcer ship came by, and when Bellemere (also human) found only two intact stasis pods left with Nami and Nojiko in them, she took off with them back to her home colony because she knew other Enforcers might try and sell them off.

Usopp - Savrasynkalypsis

Reptilian based species. Have a horn right above the nose, males typically have longer horns for display purposes. No hair, just some crests that point downwards around the head. Experts in camouflage, skin can change color to blend in with anything. The base skin color varies a lot depending on the environment the individual grew up in. Like most lizards, they have tails that can be dropped, but they do grow back. Primarily insectivores but occasionally eat plant based foods. Eyes are like that of a gecko including not having eyelids. Hands and feet have five digits on each and resemble chameleon feet.

Usopp’s horn is considered excessively long even by his species’ standards. Always wears a rag on his head and goggles to help protect his eyes. Despite his species not having finger pads to help climb smooth surfaces, he could climb a greased pole if he was scared enough. Drops his tail a lot, it’s usually a nub.

Sanji - Taornis

An avian inspired species. Not completely covered in feathers, flesh is exposed on the hands and feet. There are display feathers at the base of the neck that flare up for mating purposes (like peacocks). Tons of variety in colors for each individual, no two look identical to each other. They can fly but only for short distances. No hair, but there are longer feathers on their head that resemble hair. Feet are flat, not like birds of prey or anything. Omnivores, are capable of eating all types of food. They eat food raw. Have beaks.

Sanji’s feathers are primarily blue with yellow and black highlights, beak is black. The display feathers on his neck have pink heart shapes on them. They flare up a lot. The longer feathers on his head are yellow and go down to his chin. These feathers typically stick up so this looks strange to others. Preens a lot, both with himself and any woman that will let him. His love for cooking is considered extremely odd by the rest of his species since they only eat raw food.

Chopper - Proteustarando

His species is known for consisting of the best shapeshifters in the universe. Their base forms resemble species of the cervidae family. The planet they’re from is bitterly cold, so they have thick, shaggy fur. Fur can be white, cream, light brown, or dark brown. All members have antlers regardless of gender. The antlers are very ornate and curly. Herbivores, but can eat other foods when they’re shapeshifting.

Chopper is an outcast because while he can shapeshift to an extent, the transformations all still strongly resemble his base form. Fur is light brown with a cream colored tuft around his throat. The antlers are still pretty short due to how young he is.

Robin - Makrovotiarachne

A species once known for their immaculate record keeping that is extremely long lived. Members of this species have six arms and four eyes. The eyes are on the face where you would expect them to be, with one pair directly under the other. Their “hair” consists of very fine tendrils that resemble jellyfish tentacles. They assist with storing memory and controlling their multitude of limbs. If you were to run your hand through the “hair” it would feel like running your hand over a TV that was just turned off. Skin is various shades of blue and purple. Five fingers on each hand. The species is officially labeled as extinct after Enforcers annihilated them hundreds of years ago.

Robin is the last of her kind. There was a small colony hiding on an inhospitable planet, but after Enforcers caught wind of them being there, they were all killed with the exception of Robin who managed to slip away via evacuation pod as a child. All she wants is to find the old records and spread their knowledge to out whatever it is that the Enforcers wanted to hide. Her skin is a light purple (lilac) and has blue eyes. Her tendrils are a dark midnight blue.

Franky

A cyborg, originally human.

He remembers very little about Earth due to being abducted at a young age (5), but does have some memories of it. Definitely romanticizes it a little. His stasis pod was dropped accidentally and eventually drifted and crashed on Water 7. After the train incident, his body needed to be entirely replaced with robotic parts, nothing but his brain still remains from the original body. His appearance is much more visibly robotic compared to his One Piece design, but is still very similar in terms of anatomy.

Brook

Human infected with a parasite.

Brook was a member of a fairly well established human colony made up of people who were able to escape whatever they escaped from. He was already an adult when he was abducted and worked as a music teacher. Before he could be sold off, a group of human vigilantes took over the ship and freed everyone on board. Brook would ultimately go on to join this crew of vigilantes. During a patrol, they were sucked into a black hole and left in a destitute corner of the Grand Line Galaxy. The ship was unable to work after the black hole encounter, so all the members began dying off as resources got lower. Brook happened to be the last one still alive when a parasite slipped on board and found him. The parasite infects its host by latching onto the soul and feeding off it. It won’t affect your behavior or memories, only forces you to stay alive. Once you’re infected, you become virtually immortal. Brook wanted to join his crewmates, so he tried to starve it out, not knowing that it fed off his soul and not his body. Since the parasite only needs the soul to thrive, it is willing to let the body rot away if the host doesn’t maintain it. Over time, Brook became nothing but bones, but there are some dark tendrils from the parasite visible along his body. Still has his hair somehow.

Jinbei

Still a fishman, not much really changed. He’s a bit bigger and has eight eyes instead of two.

This AU is going to be a lengthy multichapter series because I’ve put too much thought into this for it to only be a oneshot.

#one piece #monkey d luffy #zoro roronoa #luffy #one piece nami #nami #cat burglar nami #usopp #black leg sanji #sanji #tony tony chopper #nico robin #franky the cyborg #cyborg franky #brook #soul king brook #jinbei #space au

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bluegekk0 · 3 months

Note

the way you color stuff is AMAZING!!! I MEAN IT! mind explaining how you make colors look so good?? its ok if you dont want to :)

Hi, thank you so much!!! <3

Generally, I try to go for softer, more pastel like palettes, and that helps make the drawings seem more "consistent" and pleasing to the eye.

First tip: if you use Clip Studio Paint, definitely get this tool. It saves so much time on filling out lineart, and it's crazy accurate. If you're having trouble figuring out how it works, here's how I do it: I put the lineart layer in a group, add another layer below it (still in that group), and then use the tool on that new layer. Make sure the tool is set to refer to layers in a group though. Then I erase some areas that were "enclosed" by the lineart.

As for the actual coloring process. First of all, I use the mechanical pencil brush from Clip Studio Paint, the same one I use for the lineart, except this one has random color jitter per stroke. It adds slight variety to the base colors, which helps making them look less flat.

Here are the settings I use, but I recommend playing around with them if you want less subtle results.

For a comparison, here is one of my drawings with regular flat colors vs one colored with the brush I mentioned:

A pretty important part of the process isn't actually related to the coloring itself, but the layer effects I add to the finished drawing, as well as the paper texture (which you can see in the background; I add it twice, to the background and on top of all the layers).

Here are the layers I usually go with, I'll explain each of them below.

I'll start from the bottom. The paper texture is almost white with some very subtle warm tones, and it's set to linear burn, which works the best for this kind of texture. Like I mentioned, I use this overlay twice, but both use the same layer mode.

Next is the brown-ish linear light mode layer. This is to give the drawing more subtle contrast while also tinting it with a sepia-like tone. You can use any color for this, but I find this light brown color to work the best for my artstyle, since it makes the drawing look softer and gives it the old photograph kind of look which I tend to go for.

The multiply layer is mostly transparent aside from the edges. This is for the vignette effect, not much aside from that. It's definitely a personal preference thing.

Lastly, there is the pin light layer. This one is a bit weird, but I really like the effect. It's hard to explain it, but I use it to tint the dark tones of the drawing with a slight blue color. You'll see what I mean in the examples below. Occasionally, I'll add another layer with a darker base color, since pin light kind of works in reverse: if you use a light color, it will target the dark shades on your drawing, but if you use a dark color, it will instead only go for the light shades. Note that it's pretty strong in this drawing in particular, I usually make it a bit more subtle. If you look at my recent drawings you'll see it.

Here is the same drawing, with each of the layers applied in the order I listed (left to right order):

I'd also like to mention the lineart, which actually plays a big role in making my drawings look softer. I color the lines on the "inside" with a darker shade of the base color, though I often make it more saturated to really bring them out.

For example, here are the colors I use for FPK's lines. Not including his eye colors or the tips of his fingers/feet, since I don't color the lineart there. And a comparison of what he looks like with and without those lines colors, just to show how big of a difference it makes.

And to go back to the previous drawing, here is a similar comparison.

One thing to note is the additional white lines on the darker areas of Grimm's arms, the lines blend with the base color so I like to make them slightly lighter to help them pop out.

And lastly, I'll mention the light outlines you probably noticed by now. I add them as the final touch, they're the same color as the background though I sometimes lower the opacity if I feel like they're too much. They're meant to help with colors that blend together too much, and to highlight the silhouettes of the characters, as well as adding more dimension to the drawing. I think you'll see what I mean when I hide them in this final comparison:

Hope this is helpful! Sorry if you didn't expect that long of a post, I wanted to go through each step in my process so that I can explain it the best I can haha

#ask stuff #gekko.art #art guide

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tswaney17 · 10 months

Text

I Do Bad Things with You - Part 40

Ask and you shall receive. 😏 I've been sitting on this update for a while now and I can't believe it's time to share it. We are so close to the end of this fic and it just floors me completely how far this story has come. 🥺 On a side note, I have something very special coming for the 3rd anniversary coming in July. Stay tuned for more! 💙💚💜

My fanfic account: @tswaney17fics

My ao3 account: tswaney17

Please let me know what you think about this update. I love getting your feedback. Constructive criticism is always welcome. 💕

Catch up here.

Credit to @featherymalignancy for Cassian’s nickname, Cash. 😘

Trigger warnings: violence, sexual assault , language, NSFW

Word Count: 9,125

A few weeks after their getaway, Azriel was ready to pop the question. He took the day off to prep the penthouse, asking for help from Rhys and Feyre in setting up seeing as Nesta and Cassian were locked down at home in prepping for their newest arrival as they approached Nesta’s due date. He ordered an atrocious number of flowers (as Elain would likely put it), both red roses and blush-colored peonies alike. Even went as far as requesting cases of rose petals to line the walkway from the elevator to the piano. It would be a mess to clean up but she was worth every effort.

He and Rhys had managed to swivel the instrument around so it faced the elevator doors rather than the window so he could watch her as he played. At least a hundred candles were sporadically placed about the room and kitchen, giving off enough light to see clearly while having the regular ones turned off.

It was every shade of romantic. And, of course, he didn’t want to miss getting her reaction on film, so he grabbed a few of the small cameras from work and hid them amongst the décor to capture her and him from multiple angles.

Everything was perfect—exactly how he envisioned the proposal. His siblings bid him goodbye, once they finished helping him, not wanting to get caught by Elain when she made her way home.

He was just sprinkling the last of the rose petals on the floor, already in his most expensive suit and tie when Fenrys texted him and told him they had just left the hospital.

Azriel’s nerves kicked up—such an unusual emotion for him to experience. It’s not like he thought Elain wouldn’t say yes, but they never had really talked about marriage aside from those blind statements about being the only one for each other back when they first got back together. He wanted to make it a complete surprise, hence the at-home proposal rather than getting her dressed up to go out. Azriel had no worries that Elain wouldn’t care about whether she was in some dress or a pair of scrubs.

He checked his pocket for the fifth time since he had gotten dressed, verifying the box was still inside. The ring itself was stunning. There really was no other way to describe it. Rose-gold in color, it was large, though not ostentatious enough that Elain would be hesitant to accept it. The band looked like a vine, with leaves at the top, framing a three-tiered diamond center. It was masterfully crafted to look like a flower, something he specified when he helped design it. The ring was intricate, one-of-a-kind, and hands down the most beautiful piece of jewelry he’d ever laid his eyes on.

Az took a seat at the piano, stretching his fingers as he waited. The ding of his phone announced that Elain was in the elevator on her way up to the penthouse. Taking a deep breath, Azriel set his scarred fingers on the keys and began to play.

The doors pinged open and she stepped out slowly. Even from across the room, he could see the emotions on her face. Surprise at first. Maybe a little disbelief. And then the realization of what was happening. Silver lined her incredible doe eyes as she looked across the room at him.

And then, he started to sing.

What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawing me in and you kicking me out. You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down. What's going on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery ride. And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, But I'll be alright.

Elain strolled closer, having dropped her bag on the floor without a care in the world. Tears were rolling down her flushed cheeks as he continued singing.

'Cause all of me, Loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges, All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning, Even when I lose, I'm winning.

Azriel sang with every inflection of his voice. Every piece of his heart was put out on display for her. His love, his joy, and his dedication to her mixed into the words he poured from his very soul.

I give you all of me. And you give me all of you, oh oh.

And when he was finished, she was crying in earnest at the side of the piano, fingertips covering her mouth. He slid off the bench, standing in front of her before sinking onto a single knee.

Elain choked out a sob. The emotion, the love on her face was enough to make his heart stop.

Azriel gave her a broad smile. “Elain Violet Archeron—my love. You have always been the brightest shining star in my life. From the moment I met you, I knew you were going to be someone special in my life. Little did I know that the girl that I sat next to in biology, the one that I pegged with a soccer ball in gym class would one day become the love of my life.

“I have never met anyone as kind as you. As generous and loving. As resilient as you. Despite all that we’ve been through—and knowing this proposal is coming over a decade late—we’ve built this incredible, beautiful, beyond-my-wildest-dreams life together. There isn’t anyone else I would rather share it with.” He flicked open the box, enticing a gasp from her chest. “So, my sweet, my love, my Elain… Would you do the absolute honor of marrying me?”

Elain fell to her knees, weeping, and clutched him to her. “Az,” she croaked, barely able to get the words out.

He wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her up as her body shook from the force of her sobs. Kissing her temple, he waited until she calmed down enough to speak.

“I can’t believe you did all of this…” she murmured, sniffing and wiping the tears from her eyes.

Cupping the side of her face, Azriel brought their lips together for a gentle kiss. “You deserve all of this and more, El.”

She laughed softly. “Who knew you were such a romantic.”

“Well, this romantic is still waiting for an answer to my question.” He needed her to answer more than he needed oxygen in his lungs. Blood in his heart.

Those beautiful, brown eyes, shining bright with golden hues flicked up to his face. “Yes.” A broad grin overtook her face. “My answer is yes. It has always been yes.”

Seizing her mouth in a ferocious kiss, Azriel pushed his utter bliss, his love and devotion, his overwhelming need for her into that single moment. Kissing her was like tasting spring. It was lovely and sweet and warm.

It was home.

Azriel had found his home in her, and he vowed to himself to never let anyone take that away from him.

She gripped his shirt, pulling him harder against her before she flattened her palm on his chest, clearing her throat in an indication that he should put the ring on her.

He did just that, removing the ring from the box and sliding it over her finger. It fit perfectly. “You know, this is the first time you haven’t complained about receiving jewelry from me.” It was a terrible joke, but Elain laughed.

“Would you like me to complain?” she teased.

A nervousness touched his face, something he knew she picked up on. “If you don’t like it, then yes.”

Elain cupped his cheeks between her palms, the coolness of the ring a stark contrast to his heated skin. “Azriel, I love it. It’s beyond anything I ever pictured myself wearing. Wherever did you find it?”

His thumb swept under the back of her scrub, finding the soft skin of her spine. “I had it custom-made with my specifications. I wanted you to have something that was uniquely yours. That nothing similar would ever sit on somebody else’s hand.”

Crawling onto his lap until her knees were slotted on either side of his hips, she stroked his cheek with her fingers, leaning forward to kiss him softly. “You are, without a doubt, the most thoughtful man I have ever met. And this ring,” she held her hand between them, “is the most gorgeous thing I have ever laid my eyes on. But it means even more to me because you had a hand in its creation. I will never stop questioning what I have done to deserve you.”

He pressed her palm to his chest, over his heart. Let her feel its thundering beat. “You deserve better than me, Elain. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you that you made the right choice in me.”

“We deserve each other, Azriel. You are my life, my always.” Like she needed to prove it to him, she kissed him, melting into his embrace as she pushed his suit jacket off his shoulders and then started working on his tie, loosening it to pull it over his head.

Sensing where her intentions were going, he stopped her from shrugging off her scrub top. “Hang on,” he breathed heavily against her lips. “I have cameras set up around the penthouse to capture the proposal on video. Let me turn those off before we do anything.” Az rose on his knees, lifting them up slightly to reach into his pocket for his phone.

But Elain’s hand on his wrist had him freezing, and looking back into her eyes. “Leave them on.”

Surprise had his brows shooting into his hairline.

She slid her fingers back into the hair at his nape. “I want to record this entire moment. Just for us. Please, Az…”

Her nails scratched at his scalp, sending shivers down his spine. He would’ve asked her if she was sure about it, knowing a sex video was a very personal, dangerous thing to commit to. But looking at her face, he didn’t need to. Az could read the unending trust, the assuredness of her answer without her having to voice it. So, he set his phone on the ground, gripped the hem of her scrub top, and pulled it over her head.

Elain’s fingers went to his shirt, flying down the buttons to help him shrug out of the garment.

It took some maneuvering, but they managed to get each other undressed and her back onto his lap, him on his knees. His cock was hard and aching to be sunk into her warm, wet heat, but Az took his time to worship her body. Kissing her neck and delicate collarbones, sucking marks everywhere he went. His teeth grazed her pert nipple, suckling it until her back arched and she moaned, low and throatily.

Elain’s hair cascaded down her back, tangling in his fingers gripping her and keeping her pressed into him. She pushed her pelvis forward, rubbing him between her legs and producing just the right friction that had them both groaning. “Az,” she whined. “Please…” Her scrunched-up face of pleasure was the sexiest, most adorable thing.

“What do you need, Elain?” he breathed against the shell of her ear. “Tell me what you need.” Azriel licked that sensitive spot behind her ear making her shudder in his arms.

She clutched him, fingers gripping him hard enough that his tanned skin would be peppered with little bruises.

Fuck he loved wearing her marks on his body.

Fingers gripping his hair, she let out this needy little sound that had his balls tightening. It was like his body was wired to her touch, her presence, the cute little noises she made when they were hot and heavy. Just a simple sigh from her lips could have him hardening in his pants in the most pathetic way. He was utterly a goner for her. Mind, body, and soul, he was hers and she was his.

“I need you,” she cried, tugging on his hair.

It wasn’t enough for him. “You have me, El. I’m right here, love,” he murmured into the skin of his neck.

Elain made a growling sound, her hands in his hair tightening and forcing him to look up at her. Her eyes were blown wide with lust, wholly dark with just a ring of brown around her pupils. “I need you inside me, Az. I need your cock. Fuck me, please!”

“Good fucking girl,” he groaned, slipping his fingers between them and circling her entrance. “Fuck, Elain. You’re so wet and needy for me, aren’t you?”

His touch had her crying out, hips undulating and grinding against his hand. “Now, Azriel,” she demanded.

Who was he to deny his queen—no. His fiancée… His large hands engulfed her rear, lifting her. “Put me where you want me, love.”

Elain reached between them, grabbing his cock in her small hand and pumping him twice, spreading the slick that had rubbed on it from between her legs. She lined him up and slowly sank, taking him inch by glorious inch, filling her, stretching her fluttering passage until he was completely submerged in her wet pussy.

He held her still, giving her those few moments to adjust to his size, and if he were being honest, the time he needed to collect himself so he didn’t bust a nut upon their initial joining. He always had to take a few moments to catch his breath when he first entered her. She just fit him so damn well, like she was fucking made for him. Azriel had been with a lot of women but never had anyone felt as heavenly as Elain. “Fuck me, El. You’re so goddamn tight.”

Her breaths grazed his neck as she buried her face into the junction of his shoulder. “I can see you inside me,” she whispered like she was trying so hard not to come right there too.

You and me both, baby, he almost said. Instead, he looked down between them, and sure as fuck, there was a bulge in her lower abdomen, his dick imprinting itself in her body. “Jesus fuck,” he groaned. He released one hand from her ass and placed his palm over the bulge, adding pressure to it.

Elain moaned, her arms tightening around his neck as she held him closer to her.

“Ride me, El.”

On shaky legs, she rose until only his tip remained inside of her and slowly sank back down. The sensation of the added pressure was indescribable. His name tumbled from her lips in the most delectable sound.

He guided her into slow thrusts down onto him, wanting to make this more about intimacy than just fucking. Elain’s high sex drive often had them fucking quick and hard. The rare times when he’d slow them down because he wanted to make love to her too were some of his favorites. The tenderness of their fingers linked while he rolled his hips into hers, their constant eye contact. Azriel wanted this one to be like that. So, when she started to pick up her pace, he slowed her back down with his palm cradling her behind. “It’s not a race, baby. Take your time.”

Elain’s gorgeous eyes blinked open, understanding why he wanted to take it slowly. She cupped his face between her palms, her engagement ring sparkling in the candlelight, and kissed him. It was heated, but it wasn’t the clash of teeth and tongues like they normally did when they had sex. Pacing herself, she rode him leisurely, savoring every inch of him, every pass of his cock over the spot deep inside her.

He twisted his hand still pressed to her abdomen so he could circle her clit with his thumb.

Her body shuddered and she broke off their kiss to whimper. With her forehead pressed to his, he could watch every twitch of her face. “Azriel,” she drawled out the syllables of his name. “I’m so—so close. Don’t stop.”

Drawing her lips in for another kiss, he breathed into her mouth. “Never.”

It only took a few more strokes down his cock until she crested into her orgasm, her sweet pussy fluttering around his member and drawing him to his pleasure.

Elain’s arm reached down the middle of his back, nails digging into his tattooed skin and clawing him as her release washed over her. She clung to him like he would be ripped from her. But like hell was anything ever coming between them again.

He would burn the entire world to the ground for her.

Azriel used his strength to slide her up and down his cock, prolonging their combined pleasure and pushing his seed deep inside of her. She’d be leaking it for hours after much to his masculine pride and male satisfaction.

Her body went limp against his chest as she panted heavily, fingers tangling in the hair at his nape. “My fiancé,” she grinned into his neck.

He chuckled lightly. “Fiancée does have a nice ring to it, but I can’t fucking wait to call you my wife.”

The soft, feminine laugh she let out brightened up the darkest corners of his heart, his soul until he was flooded with light. “My future husband,” she corrected. Her fingers danced along his jaw. “I love you, Azriel. Wherever life takes us, I’m blessed to have you by my side through it all. Now and forever.”

Capturing his mouth in a searing kiss, he gently laid her down on the floor. “My heart, my body, my soul is yours, Elain. Only and always yours.”

Covering her with his massive frame, Azriel made love to his future wife over and over again until she was utterly spent and blissfully happy.

~~~~~

It had been a month and a half since their engagement, and the entire time had been a blur for Elain. Aside from getting engaged, which she was ecstatic about, Nesta and Cassian welcomed their baby girl to the world.

They had their baby shower just three weeks before her arrival, inviting many of Nesta’s friends and coworkers and a few of Cassian’s. Azriel had been exceptionally affectionate during the whole ordeal, even going as far as to lift her off the couch and sit down, placing her on his lap.

It was a little bizarre to her, Azriel typically keeping most of his endearing affections to the privacy of their home. This overt display of it had her finally asking him what he was doing.

“Nesta’s paralegal hit on me at the grocery store a few months ago,” he told her, wrapping his arms around her.

Elain glanced towards the young girl, whom she had noticed was giving her fiancé heated looks throughout the shower. “Are you scared of her?” she teased.

Az nipped at her jaw with his teeth. “No, brat. I just want to make sure she knows I am happily taken.”

She slid her left hand to his cheek, making sure her diamond ring was on display. “Don’t worry, my love. I’ll keep you safe.” And then she kissed him in a way that was highly inappropriate for a baby shower, but it did the trick. The girl stopped making eyes at her man for the remainder of the party.

And then three weeks later, her niece was born.

Sutton Mazaei was the most beautiful little girl she had ever seen. With Cassian’s dark hair and skin tone and Nesta’s blue-grey eyes, she was guaranteed to be a showstopper when she was older, much to Cassian’s dismay.

“She’s never dating,” he had said to her and Azriel when they visited them at the hospital.

Elain took careful notice of how her fiancé acted when she placed her in his arms. Was it cliché to say her uterus pulsed at the sight of him holding a baby? He looked honestly terrified about having something so small and precious in his hands. She wasn’t sure if she should ask him about it or not, so she didn’t, taking the bundle back when he offered.

Now she was at the grocery store, having offered to go get the new parents some supplies while they enjoyed their new little one. It was her day off, but she pre-coordinated with the Moonbeam twins to come with her, knowing that Azriel was still nervous about the silence from Elias.

They were in the produce section when she heard her name being called.

“Elain! Elain Archeron!”

Turning around, she saw Clare Beddor, her old coworker from the bank, waving at her.

“Clare!” she grinned, excusing herself from the twins and making her way over to her old friend. Well, a friend was a strong word for their relationship. Acquaintance felt like a better description of what they were.

The brunette pulled her into a hug. “It’s been well over a year since I last saw you,” she gushed. “How are you?”

“I’m good,” Elain said honestly. “I’ve been busy with work. And my sister just had a baby. I’m shopping for her and her hus—”

“Oh, my god,” she interrupted, snatching Elain’s left hand. “Look at the size of that ring! You’re engaged?” Clare shouted, causing a few heads to turn in her direction. “Whom are you engaged to that can afford a rock like this?” She eyeballed the two men with her. “Is it one of them? Please tell me it’s not the golden blond because I’d climb him like a cat in a tree.”

Elain looked over her shoulder at the two males who were obviously pretending they weren’t listening to the entire conversation; saw the slight hue on Fenrys’s cheeks. She softly laughed. “No, they’re… well, they’re a part of my security team.”

Clare’s eyes went wide. “You have a security team? Mother, Elain. Whom are you marrying?”

“Um,” she hesitated. “His name is Azriel.”

Recognition flared in those green eyes. “Wait… You’re telling me you bagged Azriel Knight? The Azriel Knight? Multi-millionaire Azriel Knight? That Azriel Knight?”

“You know it’s weird that you keep saying his full name.”

One of the reasons that Elain tolerated Clare, but didn’t consider her a friend was one—she was a notorious gossip, and two—she was judgmental as hell. She saw the shift in the other woman’s features that had her taking a small step back. Without even seeing them, she knew Fenrys and Connall took note of that step and slowly shifted to face them.

“How the hell did you bag him?”

It was a derogative question, but Elain let it slide. “We dated in high school and reconnected about a year ago.” She didn’t need to tell her what exactly brought them crashing back together.

Clare crossed her arms, judgment radiating off her entire form. “Well, you’ll have to introduce me to his brothers. He has some, right?”

Oh boy. Typical Clare and her hunt for men. “He does. Adoptive ones, however, they’re married to my sisters.”

The woman scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Like always, you Archerons take every good bachelor in this god’s forsaken city. Nesta had Cassian wrapped around her finger in high school. And now you’re engaged to the most eligible bachelor in Velaris. Did you leave anything for the rest of us mere mortals?”

The utter disdain in her voice had Elain recoiling. It was enough to have the Moonbeam twins come up to her and try and herd her away. But like hell was she going to let her have the last word. “Last time I checked, Clare, we’re not responsible for your love life. If you want to find a decent man, perhaps you should present yourself as a less judgmental person.” Shock rippled across her face at Elain’s comments, but she didn’t let that deter her. “Take care.”

Fenrys placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her away from the fuming woman back over to their cart. “She seems pleasant,” he muttered once they were out of earshot.

Elain snorted. “Understatement of the century.”

“How do you know her?” Connall asked from a step behind them, guarding her back.

“We worked at the bank together but she went to school with my sisters and me. Graduated a year ahead of Nesta and Cash.”

“She seemed plenty interested in you, brother,” the dark-haired twin sniped, clapping Fen on the shoulder.

Elain whipped her head to look up at the other twin. “Please, no. Clare’s not good company to keep.” She stopped in the drink aisle, grabbing a few energy drinks for Cassian. The dark circles under his eyes told her he could use a caffeine boost as he did everything he could to support his wife.

“Jealous, Archeron?” Fen teased grinning down at her.

She shook her head, huffing a laugh. “No, but I do know somebody for you if you’re interested.” Since Azriel’s proposal, it seemed Fenrys had finally gotten a grip on his feelings for her, falling back into the more friendly nature of their relationship rather than the strict, professional setting they had regressed to for months.

Those bright eyes lit up in surprise. “You do?”

Elain nodded, pushing the cart forward and making it seem like she was a bit aloof to his eagerness. “Mhmm. She’s a recently graduated nurse. Very beautiful. Dark brown hair and these emerald green eyes. Kind, courageous, and incredibly smart. I think she would suit you.”

He stopped her with a hand on his shoulder. “What is her name?”

A smile tugged on her lips. “Lysandra. Her name is Lysandra Ennar.” She watched him mouth the name like he was tasting it on his tongue. Reaching for the pack of Cassian’s preferred energy drinks, she said, “I’ll introduce you two next week.” Glancing back at the tall male, Elain swore she saw a blush dusting his cheeks when he ducked his head. Yeah, they would be really cute together.

~~~

“A little birdy told me that you set up my new nurse with Fenrys,” Viviane cooed as they made their way toward the front of the hospital.

Elain flashed her an innocent look. “Should I not have?”

The head nurse raised a brow. “I don’t see him going anywhere soon; I just want to make sure he’s not going to use her and break her heart. I don’t need her quitting right after we hired her. You know I need the hands, Ellie.”

She could understand her friend’s concern, but it wasn’t fair to judge Fenrys without knowing him. “Don’t fret about them. Fen seemed really interested in her and they hit it off when I introduced them a few days ago. I don’t think that’s what this is.”

Viv looked like she was going to say something else, but didn’t as they approached the hospital lobby and found said man waiting for her. “Afternoon ladies. Good day?”

Elain smiled at him. “It was, thanks, Fen.”

He ushered them both outside, listening to the two girls chatted about the most bizarre case of the day when they were ambushed by an influx of people.

“ELAIN ARCHERON! ELAIN CAN WE GET A QUOTE!”

Flashes blinded her. She startled, like a deer caught in the headlights, then cried out when they surged forward, curling into her friend. Their shouts echoed around them like church bells ringing.

Viviane grabbed her arm while Fenrys barked out, “Get back!”

“HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DATING AZRIEL KNIGHT? WHEN IS THE WEDDING?”

She had no idea how the paparazzi found out about their engagement, but their swarming her had her panic rising. Elain gripped Viviane’s hand, especially when they started reaching for her, trying to pull her away from the nurse and Fenrys. Her anxiety made it hard to breathe, the air coming out in quick, short pants. And then she heard him.

“Move.” Azriel’s thundered, midnight voice and his presence had the crowd parting. He towered over most of the mob making it easy for her to spot him. The look of utter wrath on his face had some people stepping back; others fled outright. He made a beeline straight for her, pulling her from Viviane and wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “Head down,” he told her.

Elain had no hesitation about hiding in his embrace, fist clutching his shirt.

“MR. KNIGHT! TELL US ABOUT THE WEDDING!” the paparazzi called out, chasing after them like a hive of pissed-off bees.

Azriel ignored them, tugging her to his other car where Cerridwen already had the back door open for her. “Get in,” he said, voice softening as he spoke to her.

She climbed in, letting him shut the door behind her once securely inside, and quickly made his way to the other side. As soon as he was inside, Cerridwen took off, the other car with the Moonbeam twins following close behind. Elain let herself be pulled across the seat into Az’s lap, him not giving a shit about the seatbelt or the law.

He cupped her face in his scarred palms and let his thumb swoop over the apples of her cheeks. “Are you all right?”

Physically? Yes, she was fine. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her breathing was still short, but overall, she was fine. Mentally, however, was another story. Elain nodded. “I’m okay.”

It was obvious he didn’t believe her, but let her white lie slide.

“What are you doing here?” she asked instead.

He grabbed something from the door and handed it to her. “Nuala saw this at the store this afternoon. I had a feeling you were going to be ambushed.”

It was the same magazine that blasted them on the cover after the fundraiser, and there they were again. Az’s portrait was front and center, taking up most of the front page. A small image of them walking into and out of the fundraiser was placed over it like a collage. She read through the headline.

Velaris’s Most Eligible Bachelor: Off the Market? Azriel Knight of Knight Securities engaged to Dr. Elain Archeron of Velaris Medical Center.

Elain flipped open the magazine to the article.

Sorry, ladies. He’s taken. Azriel Knight of Knight Securities is rumored to be engaged with Dr. Elain Archeron, a surgeon at Velaris Medical Center. Elain is the sister of the world-renowned artist, Feyre Archeron (married Rhysand Archeron [Knight]), and prominent defense attorney, Nesta (Archeron) Mazaei (married Cassian Mazaei).

No confirmation has been received by Knight’s team.

So, who is Elain Archeron? Born and raised in Velaris, she attended Velaris High and went to…

She closed the article, her skin going cold at how they blasted their lives in some sleazy tabloid.

Azriel rested his palm on her thigh, thumb stroking. “I will find out who leaked our engagement, Elain.”

But Elain didn’t need him to find out. Because she already knew who leaked it. “I think it was me,” she whispered, looking down at her fingers tangled in her lap. They hadn’t planned on announcing to the press yet, knowing they would eventually have to with Az’s status. It wasn’t something they could just sweep under the rug and wanted to be in control of the situation.

Gentle fingers gripped her chin and turned her face up to look at him. “Talk to me, love.”

Elain breathed heavily, shoulders drooping. “A few days ago, you remember I ran into my old coworker at the grocery store?” He nodded. “Well, she saw the ring on my hand and started asking all these questions, wanting to know whom I was engaged to. I just said your first name, but she seemed to put it together based on the size of the ring and your name. She’s a fairly aggressive person when she wants something and blames others for her failures.” Guilt washed over her. “I snapped. She must’ve gone to the press with the information for a quick buck. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, El. She took our private information and sold it. This is, unfortunately, a common issue when living in the spotlight. So we didn’t get to announce it the way we wanted to. Oh well. I’ll have my team work up something for us and we can go over it together.”

She threw her arms around his neck as they pulled into the garage under their building. “I’m fine with that. Thank you, Azriel. I didn’t mean to create more work for your team.”

He waved her off. “Don’t even worry about it. This is literally what I pay them for.” He kissed the side of her head shuffling her off his lap so he could open the door and help her out.

Fenrys and Connall parked next to them, climbing out of the car.

“What the hell is going on?” the former demanded.

Elain knew he probably felt blind-sighted by the commotion outside the hospital, and maybe a little responsible that he couldn’t control the situation.

“Our engagement was leaked. The press is hounding us for a statement.”

“Mr. Knight, we apologize for not being more prepared. I didn’t even see them outside when I went to get the car for Elain.”

Azriel waved a hand. “They know I’m difficult to capture—I’m notorious for getting around them. So, I’m not surprised they hid to get something from her. They probably assumed I would’ve coached her into being like me.”

“We won’t be caught unawares again,” Connall told him with determination.

Elain went wide-eyed. “Again? You think this is going to become a regular occurrence?”

Her fiancé gripped her hip in comfort. “Unfortunately, yes. I don’t see them backing down anytime soon. So, we’ll need a different plan of attack to get you in and out of the hospital.”

“There’s a back door entrance,” she announced. “It’s typically used by vendors for shipments, but I can get in with my keycard.”

Fenrys grinned. “We like backdoor entrances a lot.”

Az nodded in agreement. “I think that’s a good idea, at least for now. Hopefully, they’ll get tired of trying to capture you in about a week or so.”

Elain laid her head on his bicep, wishing for that too.

~~~

Two months.

It had been two months since the incident with the paparazzi and Elain was still using the back door to get into and out of the hospital unseen. They had even taken it upon themselves to flood the lobby a few times trying to snap her photo, catching her once or twice and inserting her on the cover of that damn magazine. They dug into her past, blasting her sexual assault case into the public and how Graysen essentially walked from it, pulling him into the limelight.

His father filed a defamation suit against her for it, which Azriel’s lawyers aggressively shot down. And though Nesta was still on maternity leave, even she was on the phone harassing the press about privacy and threatening to turn the Nolan name to mud if they so much as even breathed Elain’s name again.

She could barely sleep; was constantly woken up with nightmares of absolutely everything. It was thoroughly exhausting. And poor Azriel was desperately trying to keep her calm, always sitting up with her at night when those dreams plagued her until he could coax her back to sleep.

Everything about the situation was absolutely ridiculous.

“It’s only going to get worse,” she said, leaning against Azriel’s desk. He was currently going back and forth with his PR team about how they should navigate the whole ordeal since none of them had expected this to last for as long as it had. “The physical wedding might put them into an actual feral frenzy.”

Azriel pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning in frustration, and shoved his chair back from his desk. He turned to look at her and something about the way he did so made her gut churn with anxiety. “You still want to get married, right?” The hesitation, the nervousness in his voice told her just how scared he was that all of this might have changed her mind about him.

Elain moved, perching herself on his lap. “Yes, Azriel. Of course, I still want to get married. Nothing—and I mean nothing—would ever stop me from wanting to marry you.”

He breathed out a sigh of relief, wrapping an arm around her waist and tugging her closer to his chest. “I’m going to have to add security for the wedding. There’s just no way our current team can hold back this mob.”

She stroked a finger down his chest. “What if they didn’t know when or where we were getting married?”

Those beautiful hazel eyes glanced down at her, indicating that she should elaborate.

“What if we eloped?” she asked, voice hushed.

“Don’t,” he said adamantly. “Don’t do that. Don’t let them take away our wedding.” His hands twisted her body on him, forcing her leg over his hips to straddle his lap.

Elain took his face between her palms, her diamond ring glinting in the sunlight coming in from the floor-to-ceiling windows. “Azriel…We don’t need a huge wedding. The only thing I need is you standing by my side as we say ‘I do.’”

“You deserve to have the wedding of your dreams, Elain. I want to give that to you.”

She swiped her thumb across his cheek. “You have given me everything, Az. Everything and more. I never wanted a giant wedding. That was never my dream. I’m too simplistic to have desired something like that—you know that.” She paused, debating if she should say the rest. “Graysen wanted a big wedding. He wanted the three hundred guests and the attention from it. So, he was planning the monstrosity of a party, and frankly, I dreaded the whole idea of it. The only thing I need, the only thing I want is just to be married to you.” She leaned forward to kiss him softly. “So, whether we get married at the courthouse or here on the balcony, it doesn’t matter to me. I just want to be your wife.”

Azriel surged forward, capturing her mouth in a heated kiss. “How did I end up with you as my fiancée?” he asked, groaning against her lips.

Elain giggled. “Sheer persistence and ungodly attractiveness.”

He barked out a laugh, throwing his head back and exposing his throat. His amber eyes sparkled with mirth. “You’re sure about this, El?” he asked her, always checking to make sure she was certain of her decisions.

“I’m sure.” There wasn’t an ounce of hesitation in her voice.

A smile cracked across his face. “We’re not getting married at the courthouse. That I refuse. You deserve much better than the goddamn courthouse. And we’re not getting married at our place.”

She rolled her eyes at his insistence—honestly, she didn’t care where they got married, only that they did. But as she looked at his face, an idea struck her. “What about on the beach? In the Summer District? We could take the jet; invite our siblings, though I’m not sure if Nesta and Cassian will come because Sutton is so little.”

He tugged her closer into his chest, scarred fingers finding their way under her shirt to stroke her bare skin. “I think a beach wedding is exactly what we need.”

“During the sunset, at dusk,” she told him.

A chuckle passed his lips. “Of course. Whatever your heart desires, it shall be.” He leaned forward to kiss her neck, teeth scraping the soft skin. “Now for a date—when do you wish to be married, my love?”

It was hard to concentrate when he ravished her with his mouth, but she forced her mind to focus. “Next month?”

That had him pulling back to look at her face, eyes going wide. “Next month? Are you sure?”

The hopefulness in his tone nearly broke her heart. “Yes, Azriel. I want to be your wife and you my husband already. The sooner the better.”

“I fucking love you, Elain Archeron.” His mouth crashed to hers in a bruising kiss. It was hot, all teeth and tongue. “I can’t wait to take your last name.”

“You’re what?” she spluttered between his kisses.

“Azriel Archeron has a lovely ring to it, don’t you think,” he admitted like he had thought about this a lot.

She blinked. Was he serious? “Azriel, I can’t let you just take my name.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

“Because you have an entire empire behind your last name. How would it look if Azriel Archeron was the head of Knight Securities?”

The man scoffed. “You think I care about that? It’s still my company. Besides, there’s no way I’m letting you change your name when you have a medical degree associated with it. You earned that, Elain. It’s Doctor Archeron, not Doctor Knight.”

Shit… He had thought about it. A lot, clearly. Secretly, Elain adored Azriel Archeron—AA. But she didn’t want to erase his name completely. Her fingers toyed with the hair at his nape. “What about a compromise?”

His brow raised. “I’m listening.”

“We hyphenate. Knight-Archeron.”

Az pursed his lips. “No.” Surprise lit her features, then melted when he continued. “Archeron-Knight. Your name comes first.”

Her eyes soften as she looked at this gorgeous, kind, completely beautiful man. “Azriel and Elain Archeron-Knight. It sounds perfect.”

He closed the distance between them, sharing a special, intimate moment between them. “How about I show the future Mrs. Archeron-Knight just exactly what that name does to me?”

With barely a thought, Azriel had her out of her shirt, bare from the waist up. His mouth went right for her breast, sucking her nipple deep until her back arched, a sultry moan passing between her parted lips.

But Elain had other ideas, halting the progression of his lips. When he looked at her curiously, she flashed a little smirk. “I have other ideas.” Rolling her hips down onto his, she slipped off his lap, stripped out of her bottoms and underwear, and knelt on the floor between his legs. “You’re going to let the future Mrs. Archeron-Knight show you exactly how much you mean to her.” Raising herself on her knees, Elain dropped a kiss on his hardening cock, still confined by pants.

Azriel hissed, threading a scarred hand in her thick locks. “Baby, you’re too fucking good to me.”

Elain had never really enjoyed giving blowjobs. Graysen liked receiving them but he never reciprocated after she finished him. But after that night when she had given one to Azriel, she found that she enjoyed it. She liked giving him pleasure, hearing just how much she affected him and the praise that tumbled from his lips made her eager to get her mouth on his cock. It also didn’t hurt that he tasted fucking good—as weird as it sounded.

He didn’t often let her go down on him, always wanting to save himself to sink his hard member into her wet heat. But when he did give in to her, she fucking devoured him.

Reaching up, she popped the button on his jeans and tugged down his fly. She slid her hand in, stroking his cock twice before tugging his pants and boxers down to his knees. Looking at Azriel’s erect cock was always a sight to behold. His sheer size, the vein feeding it always made her mouth go dry.

“You looking at my cock like it’s a fucking meal is about to make me combust, El,” he groaned, fisting the hold on her hair.

Elain gripped him tightly, earning a heavenly sigh from his parted lips. Licking him like her personal lollipop, she wasted no time in engulfing him with her lips.

“Fuck, baby,” he moaned, using her hair as leverage to control the speed and depth of her bobbing.

She worked him deep into her throat, breathing steadily through her nose as he pushed her farther and farther down. Elain relaxed the muscles of her neck until he slipped past her mouth and she gagged, spit drooling from her lips and onto her hand. Her fingers twisted, sliding over the rest of his hard member that she couldn’t fit into her mouth.

Elain sucked, cheeks hollowing as she pulled that pleasurable sensation from deep in his gut. He was getting close, she could tell by the sounds that came from him, how his fist seemed to tighten further in her hair, how his cock twitched between her lips.

Just when she was about to slide him down her throat, they heard it. The distinct sound of the elevator doors opening.

She tugged him out of her mouth with an audible pop, eyes widening in alarm when Rhys’s voice echoed down the hallway.

“Azriel?” he called out.

Elain snatched her clothes from the ground and scrambled under his desk, Az following close behind her and sliding his chair far underneath to avoid him seeing his naked thighs and his hard-on.

“Office,” he grunted out, annoyance ringing clear in his voice.

Light footfalls came from the hallway and then she heard her brother enter the room. Elain was grateful that Azriel’s large desk went down to the floor, shielding her in shadow.

“What do you want?” her fiancé demanded.

“Well, hello to you too, brother,” Rhys purred. “I came to pick up the camera set.”

She had forgotten that with all shit going on, the constant digging into their personal lives, they had suggested their siblings put up some extra protection around their homes. Just to be safe. Azriel supplied them with a few extra camera equipment pieces that they could place around the house and monitor from their phones. Cassian had picked his and Nesta’s set up the day before, bringing little Sutton with him while Nesta took a break to shower and get some sleep.

“It’s on the counter.”

Elain had to cover her mouth to keep from giggling at Az’s brusque tone. Reaching forward, she gripped his cock again, the surprise had her fiancé’s knee slamming into the desk.

“Fuck!” he bellowed sliding his large hand on top of his leg to rub at the hurt.

There was a pause before Rhys asked, “Are you all right, man?”

She kissed his injury, then began to tease him, licking a stripe from base to tip on his dick.

Azriel cleared his throat. “I’m fine.” His tone of voice told her he was indeed, not fine. Not fine at all.

Elain wrapped her lips around his head, sucking quietly. Truthfully, she wanted to see how long he lasted before snarling at his brother to get out.

“Okay, well since you’re such pleasant company today,” Rhys said sarcastically, “Where’s Elain?”

Her name on her brother’s lips had her freezing, wondering why he was asking about her.

“She had to run to the grocery store,” he lied. “Why?”

Elain heard Rhys shuffling from foot to foot.

“I have this bite on my arm that’s getting large. I wanted her to look at it.”

“She’s a surgeon, Rhys,” he snapped. “Not your primary care physician. Go see your doctor for that shit.”

Elain struggled to stifle her laugh, clapping a hand over her mouth. Her shoulders shaking with the effort. Poor fucking Rhys. He was receiving the nasty end of Az’s temper without knowing why.

“You know, perhaps you should have her—” he stopped.

“Have her what?” Az gritted out between clenched teeth.

She slid him back into her mouth, hoping to relax him a bit, feeling the tension in his thighs. Slurping him down without making a sound took more effort than she anticipated, but she made it work.

“I was going to say, ‘Have her take care of you when she gets home,’ but I’m getting the distinct feeling she’s doing that right now.”

Elain choked, Azriel coughing to cover up the sound.

“Mhmm,” Rhys murmured, a twinkle in his voice that told her he knew exactly what was going on. “So, I’m just going to go. See you later.” His footsteps echoed out of the room and then he called out, “Bye, Elain!”

She waited until the elevator doors pinged before she started laughing.

“Do you think that was funny, you naughty girl,” Azriel said, sliding his chair out and hauling her from under his desk.

She grinned. “It was a little funny.”

“You sucking my cock while I tried to have a conversation with my brother is funny?” he asked incredulously.

Elain raised a brow. “It didn’t sound like you were trying to have any kind of conversation with him, baby. You were most definitely trying to get him out.”

“Because you were sucking my cock under my desk without a care in the world that we had company. And for that, you should get punished. Over my knee. Now.”

His change in posture, the way his voice took on that dominance had heat rushing to her core. She was wet already, but now she felt herself pulse around nothing, dripping with need. Elain rose on shaky legs. “What are you going to do? Spank me?”

Challenge flared in him. “You bet your sweet ass, I am. Bend. Over.” It wasn’t a request.

Was she really going to allow him to do this? Elain knew if she told him no, he’d stop immediately, but the curious creature inside of her, the one that he had coaxed out of her, was peeking an eye open at the idea. “Will it hurt?” she hesitated, fingers gripping each other.

His face softened, sensing her internal war. “There is a fine line between pleasure and pain. Will it sting? Yes. It will. But it is also pleasurable too. I promise not to take it too hard with you this first time. And if you don’t like it, you can tell me to stop at any time.” He held out a hand to her, an offering to try something new.

Elain hesitated just a moment longer before she took his hand and let herself be tugged over his lap.

Deft fingers swept between her legs, feeling how wet she was. “So needy for me already, my love. Let’s see how drenched we can get you before I fuck you against my desk.” He kneaded her backside, and Elain felt the blood rush to her cheeks at how exposed she felt. “We’ll start you off with five smacks. Count for me.”

Without giving her any other warning, his palm came down on her cheek, skin clapping skin. Elain yelped at the surprise assault, her body convulsing from it. It didn’t hurt, per se, but it stung a bit. Remembering he gave her an order, she gritted out, “One.”

“Good girl,” he murmured, rubbing over where he smacked before bringing his hand down again.

“Two,” she breathed, feeling herself getting wetter already.

“Louder, Elain,” he demanded, running his hand over the curve of her cheek. “I can’t hear you.”

“Two,” she squeaked again, earning another caress over her backside in satisfaction. By the third smack, her body melted into him, becoming more aroused. It didn’t help that his length was currently digging into her side. “Three,” Elain moaned, head bowing.

Az chuckled. “I can see your slick running down your legs, baby. Are you getting turned on?” he asked just as he brought his palm down again.

“Four.” She was barely able to focus over how fucking stimulated she was. Her backside was sore, but fuck did it send delicious tingles up her body.

His hand came down a final time.

“Five,” Elain cried out, body positively aching for release.

Two thick fingers plunged inside her center, meeting no resistance from how turned on she had become. “Good fucking girl, Elain. You took that so well and look at how soaked you are.” His voice was practically a growl as he pumped in and out of her, his thumb pressing down on her clit.

“Az,” she groaned, fingers clutching his body. “Feels good.” The words tumbled from her lips in a slur.

He pumped and stretched her, stroking that spot that had her shaking. “Come, my love. I need you to let go.”

She was barely hanging on as it was, erupting into her orgasm with a scream. Elain’s body clenched around his fingers still fucking her as she fell, and fell, and fell into her release. A surge of liquid ran down the backside of her thighs.

Azriel’s head dipped and then his tongue was licking her there, intensifying her pleasure and building her up at the same time. “My sexy girl looks so good when she comes,” he groaned into fluttering, pink sex. Pulling his fingers out of her, he readjusted her until she was straddling him and sank her onto his cock.

Elain’s arms automatically went around his neck, holding him close as she moaned from deep in her chest. She had slid onto him with ease, her body molding itself to accommodate his size and girth. Fuck he felt so good stretching her, filling her. She said as much out loud.

His hands on her hips raised her up and down his length, helping her fuck him. It was exquisite to feel him pulse inside of her. Every stroke had her seeing stars in her blissed-out state.

Azriel kicked off his pants and boxers, shuffling Elain in his lap before he rose from his chair and pinned her against the window, the cool glass a stark contrast to her heated skin.

Elain’s legs went around his waist, using it as leverage to match him thrust for thrust. “Az, please!” she cried out, tipping her head back against the glass.

He sank his teeth into the junction of her neck, sucking hard enough to leave a bruise.

The slight pain mixed with the pleasure of his hips snapping into hers had her cresting into oblivion again. Elain’s body pulsed, milking him and sending him hurdling into his release, spilling deep inside of her as he pushed into the hilt and stayed there, groaning into her skin.

They were sweaty and breathing heavily, each coming down from their high. Her delicate fingers swept through his damp hair, brushing the locks back from his face and forcing him to meet her eyes. She had never seen those amber irises shining so bright as they were then. “I can’t wait to call you my husband,” she murmured, leaning forward to kiss him softly.

A sound pitched from his throat as he carried her over to his desk and began to ravish her again.

~~~~~

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pedroscurls · 1 year

Text

Title: The Teacher (Part 7).

CHAPTER TITLE: Confessions

Character(s): Joel Miller, Reader (female, first person POV), Tommy Miller, Maria Miller Summary: You and Joel delve deeper into your relationship, talking about each other’s past despite how difficult it may be. Word Count: 3,908 Author's Note: We’re diving deeper into the Reader’s past a bit, so be warned. There are some implied violence, rape, killing, and death. Thank you to everyone who has read this story, who have left comments... It really means a lot! Warning: Mentions of implied rape, killing, death.

A week passed and yet, you hadn’t heard from Tommy or Maria about your plan to go to the school. While you were eager to get outside these walls, you were also patient enough to let the couple come to you. You knew this wasn’t something to be rushed, especially if you were very persistent in being the one to explore the area.

While teaching was different in this new world, it still was such a rewarding experience. It wasn’t the same where each student had a certain curriculum that they needed to learn in order to move onto the next grade, but you did make sure to teach the kids about the old world. Maybe it was useless to be teaching them things that no longer mattered, but it did give you a sense of accomplishment to see your students so engaged with the things of the past.

It gave them an escape of their reality, of the world they now lived and grew up in. You couldn’t imagine growing up in a world like this, so you always made sure to give your students a glimpse of what the old world was like; it deviated their attention from the real threats of the world.

Ellie had joined you quite a few times, helping you with your students and even participating when it came to art sessions. She was talented, but still so very shy about it. It was quite ironic actually. Ellie was always so very vocal, but when it came to her drawings, she was timid, not yet ready for the entire world to see, no matter how much you told her how amazing they were. During art, you had asked Ellie to lead the sessions, seeing her light up with joy and excitement as she helped the other kids use their imagination; it was something you looked forward to everyday. Not only because you loved teaching, but because you also enjoyed spending time with Ellie.

Today, on the other hand, was no different. She wanted the kids to explore their imagination, thinking and drawing the first thing that came to mind with an association to the color blue. You never told her how to teach or run the art sessions, but Ellie knew just exactly what to do to keep the kids engaged. It was like she was a natural, meant to be a leader.

“So, what are you drawing?” You asked, gently nudging her with your elbow.

Ellie looked up at you with a grin. “I’m imagining water, a beach, oh! California.”

You smiled. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Eh,” she said with a shrug.

“You are and I really appreciate you being here with me, helping out with the kids. I think this is the best part of their day.”

Ellie smiled to herself. It made her feel a sense of purpose. “It’s the best part of mine.”

“Oh, you sure about that?”

Ellie blushed, moving her eyes back to her drawing. “It’s nothing.”

“You’re telling me that Cat…”

Ellie immediately widened her eyes, urging you to stay quiet. “We’re just friends. She’s gonna give me a tattoo soon and so, we’ve just been talking about what I want. That’s all.”

You smiled, nodding your head. You didn’t want to push any further, especially since the topic of her scar was still so very sensitive to the younger girl. “Okay,” you said. “Just know either way, I care about you.”

“Okay, okay. Don’t get all sappy on me.”

You laughed quietly. “I just want to extend my appreciation, that’s all.”

Ellie looked up at you, letting a small smile line her lips. She never did get to know her parents, but having Joel and now having you in her life, it gave her a glimpse of what it would have been like if her parents were still alive. It felt… Nice.

“Can I get back to my drawing?” Ellie teased.

“Okay, fine,” you smiled. “But can I see it when you’re done?”

She nodded instantly. “You know you’re the only one I feel comfortable enough showing my drawings, so of course.”

Once school was finished, you made sure that every student was picked up by a family member before deciding to clean up. You figured Joel would be back from his patrol by now and it caused a bit of excitement to know that you would be seeing him soon. It still felt surreal at times, knowing that you were safe within the walls of Jackson, experiencing love and happiness all over again… You had thought that you wouldn’t get a second chance at a life like this and it still scared you from time to time.

You were putting away the books on the shelves when you heard someone clear their throat, trying to get your attention. You looked over your shoulder, seeing Joel lean against the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest and a small smile lining his lips.

“Hey, darlin’.”

You felt butterflies almost instantly. You didn’t think you would ever get tired of hearing him call you that.

“Hey,” you smiled.

Joel walked over to you, bending down with a quiet grunt to help you put away the rest of the books. “You have a good day?”

You nodded. “Always.”

Joel smiled, looking over at you. When you stood, he followed, taking your hand and pulling you into a hug. “Missed you.”

“Me too,” you smiled, burying your face against him. Maybe it was still the honeymoon phase, but you and Joel couldn’t get enough of each other. You didn’t mind though, Joel was a very attentive partner. You were both so focused on learning what the other liked that you hadn’t really talked about your past and it was gnawing at you, wanting him to know everything about your life before Jackson.

“Ellie’s over at Cat’s, saying somethin’ about having dinner over there tonight.” Joel said, pulling away from you.

“Oh okay, so it’s just me and you tonight then?”

“Yeah,” he said, taking your hand and lacing his fingers with yours almost immediately. “I was thinkin’ we can grab some food at the pub with Maria and Tommy.”

You nodded, “That sounds good to me.” Excitement filled you almost instantly. Maybe you would get a chance to discuss your plan with Maria and Tommy.

Joel arched a brow, tilting his head as he stared at you. “No work talk.”

“But–”

Joel chuckled, stepping up to you and pressing a soft kiss on your forehead. “No work talk.”

You let out a sigh, nodding in agreement. “Okay, okay.”

Joel let you go, watching you with amusement as you continued to clean throughout the room. Once you finished, you flashed him a smile and thumbs up. “All ready to go.”

He took your hand, pulling you to his side and wrapping his arm around your shoulders. You leaned against him, leading him out of the school as you locked it behind you. You took comfort in Joel’s warmth, nuzzling further into him. He looked down at you with a smile, holding you closer.

Once inside the pub, you noticed Tommy and Maria sitting at a table, waving in your direction. You smiled, walking over to the couple and taking a seat across from Tommy as Joel sat across Maria. It was crazy to think that almost two months ago, you were on the brink of your death and now, here you were with the people that you had grown to care about.

“What ya drinkin’?” Tommy asked both you and Joel.

“A beer for me,” you replied.

Joel nodded. “I’ll come with you,” he told his younger brother. Joel then turned his attention to you, kissing your cheek lightly. “Want anythin’ in particular?”

“I’ll get what you get,” you smiled.

Joel and Tommy stood from the table, walking towards the bar to place their orders. This gave you a chance to talk with Maria alone and she could tell from the look on your face that you were going to ask her about the abandoned school.

“Joel’s been vouching for you,” she said, beating you to the punch.

“What do you mean?”

“He and Tommy have been discussing it,” she replied. “But, Tommy and I are willing to let you go as long as Joel is there.”

“You know I don’t need a babysitter,” you began. “But I think that’s fair. Joel is my safe place,” you blurted, blushing instantly as you glanced over at her. “What I mean is that–”

Maria chuckled. “Ain’t nothing wrong with that. How are you two doing by the way?”

You let out a contented sigh. “Really good, but you know how new relationships are… Joined at the hip in the beginning.”

“Well, you look really happy and so does he,” she pointed out.

—

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen this side of you,” Tommy laughed, leaning against the bar after both men placed their order. He glanced over at the table, watching you and Maria talk before he turned his attention back to his brother.

Joel shrugged. “She makes me really happy, Tommy.”

“Oh, we can all see that,” he smiled. “It’s nice, y’know. You deserve it.”

“Somethin’ has been botherin’ me though.”

“What’s that?”

Joel sighed, dropping his eyes. “I still feel like I don’t know her, not completely. And she still don’t know about–”

“Don’t rush it,” Tommy interrupted. “Somethin’ tells me she’s fine with how things are going.”

“But what if she wants more and I can’t give it to her yet?” Joel asked. “I ain’t sure if I’m ready to talk about her.”

“Then don’t, not until you’re ready.”

Joel sighed. “I just– I don’t wanna mess this up.”

“You ain’t.” Tommy chuckled. “Since when did you worry so much?”

Joel scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I ain’t worried.”

“Then what would you call it?”

“Dunno”

Tommy smiled. “What could go wrong, Joel? You can’t control everythin’, y’know.” He clasped a hand over his brother’s shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze before the bartender called their names out to retrieve their drinks and food. “Listen, how about you just talk to her? Tell her what’s on your mind.”

“And if it don’t work out?”

“Then she ain’t the one,” he said simply. “But somethin’ tells me that she is.”

Joel shrugged, grabbing the tray of food and drinks as he walked with Tommy back to the table. “Still too early to tell,” Joel replied.

“You’re in denial, big brother.”

Joel knew that he was falling for you, but he certainly didn’t want to scare you, especially since neither of you have yet to talk about each other’s past. Both men set the food and drinks on the table and Joel felt you lean against him, your hand moving to rest on his thigh.

He smiled to himself, kissing your temple. “Got you a burger, that okay?”

You smiled, nodding. “Thank you, Joel.”

Throughout dinner, the four of you shared plenty of smiles and laughter. Everyday this place continued to feel like home and being around the people you had grown to care about was just perfect. After you finished your food, you rested your head against Joel who had his arm draped at the back of your chair.

However, all of your attention was averted when you heard two people yelling and cursing at each other. Within seconds, a fight broke out and Joel and Tommy stood immediately to break it up. Maria walked over to them, looking at the two men who were now separated. She said something to the both of them, causing them both to pull away from Joel and Tommy. You were distracted though. One of the men had glanced around the room, his eyes falling on you and giving you a wink.

Immediately, you felt uncomfortable and your hands turned into fists. Joel saw this and grabbed the man by his shirt, pushing him against the bar.

“Joel,” Tommy said. “Let him go.”

Joel stared at the other man, his grip on his shirt tightening as he felt himself delve further into the pit of anger and frustration. “You don’t look at her,” he said threateningly. “Ya hear me?”

“She’s not your property,” the other man laughed, obviously having had too much to drink. “She’s a pretty little thing, isn’t she?”

And that was all it took for Joel to repeatedly ram his fist into the other man’s face. He lost it. Joel had no control over what he was feeling at the moment, feeling his knuckles split open with each hit. It was Tommy who pulled him away and off the other man, who still was laughing through the pain and blood that now covered his face.

“Fucking psycho,” he mumbled, standing up with Maria’s help. “I was just joking, shit.”

Maria looked over at Joel and Tommy, pointing towards the door. “You need to calm him down. I got this one.”

Tommy nodded, grabbing Joel by his arm and bringing him outside towards the back of the pub. You stood from the table, following both men quietly. Maria gave you a single nod before she turned to the other man.

“Are you crazy?” Tommy exclaimed, pushing Joel through the doors. “What in the hell were you thinkin’?”

Joel shook his head, looking down at his right hand. “He made her feel uncomfortable.”

“And so, you decided to take matters into your own hands, that it? What the fuck, Joel! You can’t just lose your shit like that.”

Joel sighed. He knew Tommy was right and he didn’t know what had gotten into him. Maybe it was the look of fear in your eyes or the fact that your expression had changed so quickly when the other man was talking to you. He didn’t like it. He wanted you to feel safe and so Joel did what he did best: take away the threat.

“M’sorry,” he mumbled. “I just–”

Tommy sighed. “I know you care about her, Joel, but you can’t…” He ran a hand over his face, shaking his head. “You can’t just do that.”

“I know,” Joel replied. “I know.”

Before Tommy could say anything, you stepped outside and both men looked in your direction. Joel immediately gave you an apologetic look whereas Tommy let out a heavy sigh.

“Make sure he gets home?” Tommy said.

“Of course.”

Tommy looked over at Joel and sighed. “I love you, big brother, but you gotta get a lid on that.”

“I know. I’m workin’ on it.”

—

You were back at Joel’s house, sitting at the edge of his bed as you tended to his hand, cleaning up the blood and cuts. You hadn’t said a word and Joel was worried; you hadn’t ever seen that side of him and he didn’t know what to say. He was feeling things he hadn’t felt in so long; it was almost as if he didn’t know how to act.

“That wasn’t very smart of you,” you finally said.

Joel sighed. “I know.”

“I don’t need saving,” you replied. “I can handle my own.”

“I know, darlin’,” he repeated. “You just– You looked so scared, like that one night…”

You bit your lower lip. Joel needed to know your past, needed to know every single thing you did to survive because it was haunting you, keeping you up most nights whenever you weren’t with him. He really was a good distraction from the nightmares, but whenever he was gone, it always came back.

“I’ve been–” you sighed heavily. “I haven’t been completely open with you and I’m sorry.”

Joel shook his head immediately, his eyes softening. “What? No, you ain’t gotta–”

“Joel, just let me, okay?”

He nodded.

You avoided his eyes, continuing to clean his hand even after it was all cleaned up. Joel noticed this and gently pulled his hand from you, causing you to look up at him with slightly teary eyes.

“Whenever I’m not with you, I struggle,” you began. “I struggle with so many nagging thoughts that haunt me every second of the day.”

Joel bit his lower lip. He knew exactly what you meant, but instead of replying, he nodded and listened intently to you.

“Most men terrify me,” you admitted. “Before Jackson, if a man looked at me funny or if they said something that just didn’t sit right with me, I would–” Your breath hitched, looking away from him. “I stopped it before it could ever get to that point.”

“By stopping, you mean…”

You nodded. “Yeah.” Neither of you needed to say it; he knew exactly what you meant. “I had to,” you continued. “The last time I gave someone the benefit of the doubt, I paid for it.”

Joel tightened his jaw. “M’sorry, darlin’.”

“It haunts me every night. I wonder if it’ll ever go away, you know?”

“I can’t say that it ever does,” Joel commented.

“Sometimes, it still feels like this is all a dream and I’m gonna wake up back in that community,” you whispered. “A community that used women to– to…”

Joel shook his head, pulling you into his arms instantly. “Darlin’...”

You took comfort in his arms, leaning against him as you felt tears slowly trickle down your face. “Killing that man was the most satisfying thing I have ever done,” you admitted. “What does that say about me?”

Joel bit the inside of his cheek. It was so crazy to him at how you both had so much in common, the new world changing both of you entirely. “You suffered and you did what you had to, to end that sufferin’.”

“I’m scared that sometimes I don’t know what I’m capable of,” you said, looking up at him. “That sometimes, I just see red and there’s no stopping me.”

Joel was getting to know more and more about you and while he hadn’t seen what you were capable of in terms of combat, he was so certain that you were so capable of taking care of yourself. You managed to survive this long and Joel was now gaining a better understanding of how that was possible.

“That’s how I felt,” Joel admitted. “At the pub earlier.”

“We both knew he wasn’t going to do anything and yet, I was still scared…”

“And I wanted to take that fear away,” Joel added. “Wanted to protect you, keep you safe, and–”

You looked up at him, pecking his lips gently to interrupt him. The feeling was mutual. You wrapped your arms around him, falling back into his bed. He sighed contentedly, glancing down at you.

“Tell me something about before,” you whispered. “A good memory. A happy memory.”

Joel cleared his throat. All he could think about was Sarah and he just wasn’t yet ready to talk about it. He just shrugged and looked down at you. “How about you tell me a good memory of yours, darlin’?”

“I just feel like I’m talking too much…”

“I like hearing you talk,” he reassured. “Tell me somethin’ I don’t know.”

You bit your lower lip, nodding. “I had two younger brothers,” you smiled sadly. “Being the oldest is a lot of responsibility.”

Joel chuckled. “You’re preachin’ to the choir, darlin’.”

“But my brothers… They were so good, you know?” You smiled to yourself, memories of your childhood flashing in your mind. “I had an amazing childhood. I always hoped for a love like my parents,” you said, tears once more filling your eyes. “Married for twenty plus years and still so deeply in love, literally like they were teenagers.”

“And your husband?” Joel whispered quietly.

“I found that with him, yeah,” you said. “Most people say their life changed when the world ended… Mine ended when my husband died. It just– It wasn’t the same, you know?”

Oh, Joel knew all too well about losing a loved one. No amount of time would ease the pain.

“And your brothers? Your parents?” Joel asked carefully. “Y’know, on outbreak day…”

“I traveled to California immediately. It took me so long to get there,” you bit your lower lip, looking up at him. “They were gone… The bombings hit our home and–”

You felt a sudden overwhelming amount of emotion rush over you and you buried your face against him, crying quietly. You hadn’t talked about your family in so long and the pain still felt as fresh and as new as it did when you first realized that they were gone.

“M’sorry,” he whispered, holding you so tight that he never wanted to let you go.

“Everything was gone…” your body was trembling and his shirt was soaked with your tears. “Part of me wishes it was me instead, you know? Like why me? Why do I get to survive and they don’t?”

Joel didn’t know the answer to that. He battled with that himself when it came to the night of Sarah’s death. How come the bullet hit her and not him? How come Tess got bit and not him? He had lost so many people along the way and he never understood what he did to deserve to still be alive.

“Tommy and I– We’re from Texas,” Joel said quietly, watching as you looked up at him. He felt his heart break at the sight of you, bringing his hand up to wipe away your fallen tears. “We were carpenters, didn’t have the best childhood, but we worked with what we had.”

Now, it was your turn to listen. You could see that there was something that Joel wanted to say, but couldn’t. You didn’t pry, didn’t push him to tell you things he wasn’t ready to tell you, so instead, you just listened.

“I’ve done a lot of things since the world ended,” Joel continued. “And I always wonder the same thing… What did I do to deserve to still be here?”

“I’m glad you’re here,” you whispered quietly, biting your lower lip.

“And m’glad you’re here too, darlin’.”

“I guess Maria was right,” you said. “Things happen for a reason and her finding me, saving me and bringing me back to Jackson… It was all supposed to happen.”

“You believe in fate?” Joel asked.

“I do,” you admitted. “Fate brought me to you.”

Joel smiled. If only you could see the blush on his cheeks. He was taken off guard and it made him feel good. You made him feel good, even after knowing the things he used to do before Jackson, even after you witnessed him losing his shit at the pub…

You still wanted him and it made Joel feel a sense of purpose. It made him feel like he could be redeemed of the things he had done.

But you didn’t know all of it.

You didn’t know about Sarah.

You didn’t know about Ellie.

And you certainly didn’t know about what he had done at the hospital, killing all those people to save Ellie.

Part of him wanted to tell you, but another part of him wanted to keep it a secret. He didn’t know how you were going to react, if you would still look at him the way you were now… He didn’t want your view of him to change.

So, Joel decided that he wasn’t yet ready to delve deeper into his past.

He was fine with the way things were right now.

And he certainly didn’t want anything to change.

---

Part 8.

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