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#I just started playing Fallen Order and I love Cal so much I just wanted to write him
sesamestreep · 8 months
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Din Djarin, 30
30. was it worth it? (from this list) further adventures in that modern au with anti-social baseball cap wearing single dad din djarin because i have no idea what's happening on the show anymore, let's doooo this
Once Din pulls into the driveway, he cuts the engine and sends up a tentative prayer to the universe that the sound is not enough to wake Grogu up. The kid is zonked out in his booster seat in the back, clutching the stuffed animal Din had won him at the fair—at the booth where you shoot a target with a water pistol to make it move, of course, because his aim is still worth writing home about after all these years—and seemingly unbothered by the sudden quiet. Din breathes a sigh of relief and then shifts his focus to the daunting task of trying to get this kid out of his seat, up two flights of stairs, and into the apartment without somehow waking him. It's not going to be easy.
With another sigh, Din opens the door and keeps it there with his foot as he digs around in the center console for his phone and his wallet before pulling the keys out of the ignition. Belatedly, he sees the golden light pouring from the open garage door and realizes Cal must be working in there still. Before Din can properly catch up, Cal is already outside and on his way over.
"I'll uh," Din says, as he gets out, gesturing back at the car, "I'll get this out of your way in a few, I just gotta get the kid upstairs first."
Cal shakes his head, already smiling. "No rush," he says, easily. "We're not going anywhere. And besides, you're always up early anyway. Do it in the morning."
"I don't want to block you all in, if you need to—"
"Like I said, we're not going anywhere. It's fine."
"Well—”
"I'll ask Merrin, if it'll make you feel better! But she will definitely also say it's fine."
Merrin is Cal's—well, Din isn't sure if they're married or not. Cal doesn't wear a ring and Merrin wears dozens, so it's hard to tell. They're definitely a couple, because they do that seamless first person plural thing all the time when they talk about each other, but if they happen to refer to each other in the third person, they just use each other's names, rather than “my spouse” or “my partner”, except for the time Cal—perhaps accidentally—referred to her as "my Merrin" and she made a face and mimed punching him in the stomach for it. They live on the first floor and generally manage the property because they know the owner, which means Cal has all of his tools and his work bench in the garage for his various projects and Merrin tends to the garden out back, which grows a bunch of vegetables and strange plants that Din isn't convinced should be able to survive in this climate. He suspects she has a way with these things but has never bothered to ask about it.
"I'll take your word for it," Din says, reluctantly. "And I appreciate it."
"No problem," Cal replies. "Need any help?"
Din opens the door and starts unbuckling Grogu from his seat. "Uh, I think I'm alright, but thanks."
Cal leans slightly back, so as not to be in the way when Din gently lifts Grogu out of the car and tucks him over his shoulder. "Wow, you really tuckered him out, huh?"
"Yeah. We went to the fair, the, uh, Apple and Trout something or other...?"
Cal laughs. "Peach and Chowder Festival," he corrects. "I know it well."
"This is a strange town."
"I know that too. Looks like you did alright, though."
"Yeah," Din says, gingerly lifting the tail of the stuffed shark in acknowledgement. Another parent at the booth had claimed it was a knockoff of some famous trademarked shark but Din doesn't know about all that. He only knows it was the next best thing in Grogu's mind when there were no frog or lizard plushes to be won. "He's happy, at least."
Cal tips his head to the side, curiously. "You didn't enjoy yourself?"
"Ah, well, you know...crowds and lots of noise and kids all hopped up on sugar...that's not really my thing. But it's not about me, it's about him, so..."
"Yeah," Cal says, with a small smile. He puts a hand gently on Grogu's back. "Bet that makes it all worth it, huh?"
Din suddenly feels very stupid for never bothering to ask Cal or Merrin if they have kids. He’s never been great at that stuff, asking the right questions to really get to know people, and so he can only guess what their situation is. He thinks they're about his age, give or take a few years, and that means they're young enough that, if they had any children, he expects they'd still be living together, but he's not sure about that. They could have kids old enough to be living on their own, he supposes. And they've always been kind to Grogu, never once making a snide comment about him not talking much or needing his space sometimes, the way some other folks do. Sometimes, Cal will even let the kid hang out in the garage to watch him work, waving away Din's concerns about him being too much trouble by pointing to Beady, the cat that's almost always curled up around his neck or perched on his shoulder.
"If I can work with this one around," Cal's fond of saying, "your son's no bother."
Still, Din's not sure how exactly to ask that politely—if they have children of their own or not—especially if the answer is more complicated than a simple yes or no. And there is something complicated and sad about what Cal's expression is doing right now.
"Anyway," he says, cheerfully after a moment, and the expression is gone, tucked away somewhere. "I'll get out of your hair. Just wanted to offer some help if you needed it."
Din clears his throat, thinking about how his therapist is always talking about how he should get better at accepting the kindness other people offer him and also something about how his upbringing had convinced him there's some nobility in suffering needlessly. He probably can get Grogu inside and into bed without any assistance, but it would be easier with help. There had also been a discussion in therapy about depriving people of the satisfaction of showing their love for him by turning down their offers to be of service.
"Actually," he says, feeling foolishly nervous about something so small and seemingly easy, "if you could grab the door for me, that would be a huge help."
"Of course," Cal says, with an easy smile. "Happy to."
"And let’s just, uh, make sure we don't lose the shark,” Din says, as they make their way up the steps. “I don’t think I have it in me to win another one.”
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foxykatie425 · 6 months
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No one asked, but here are my hopes for a third and final Jedi game…
Things I want:
• A reason for the characters not to be involved in the OT. My prediction is that Cal will be forced to destroy the compass to keep the colony on Tanalorr safe from the Empire, leaving them stranded with no way out of the Abyss, but having a small but thriving settlement with everything they need to survive. And then some day, after the Empire falls, some other Jedi (whether it be Luke, Ahsoka, Ezra, whoever!) will have to go on a mission to reach them and reconnect them with the galaxy.
• Kata training with the Force. Most likely she’ll be trained by Cal as a Jedi, but there’s a chance Merrin could also be teaching her some Nightsister magick. I’m looking forward to Kata being a fully fleshed out character.
• Declarations of love. I guess technically we got a little of that in Survivor, but both of them have yet to actually use the L-word! And I think we’d all scream at an “I love you” “I know” moment!
Things I don’t want:
• A Merrical baby. As much as it would make my shipper heart happy, there are two reasons I don’t want this. Firstly, introducing another kid would take the attention (and by that I mean the audience’s attention) away from Kata, who has yet to really have her time to shine. And secondly, it would probably contribute to the next thing in this list I don’t want…
• Threats on his family pushing Cal to the dark side. At least in a super blatant way. I’m fine with Cal struggling with the dark side, and given the way Survivor ended I’d say it’s almost necessary. (Although, I can’t see him falling completely, that would not be a very satisfying ending to his arc.) What I don’t want is Cal dabbling in the darkness in the name of protecting his family. First of all, let’s not prove the Jedi Order right! Second of all, we’ve had that story in Star Wars before! More than once! Of course, that was one of the big reasons for Anakin’s fall, but we even had that in Survivor with Bode! And while comparisons between Cal and Bode might seem poetic, they would be a lot more poetic if Bode was still alive. Obviously everything that happened still affects Cal, but from a storytelling perspective, you can’t really expect the audience to draw parallels between two characters if one never appears on screen. Case in point: Cal and Trilla shared a lot of interesting parallels in Fallen Order, but Trilla is only mentioned in Survivor once, and it’s in passing. But if Cal started doing unscrupulous things to protect his family, he would very quickly be reminded of Bode and stop himself from making the same mistakes. (Besides, lest we forget, Merrin doesn’t need protecting!)
• Cal dying. (And not just because I want him and Merrin to have the first true happily ever after in Star Wars.) It’s always the looming threat in anything set before the OT, especially with Jedi. I mean, never mind Yoda’s declaration to Luke in ROTJ that “the last of the Jedi will you be” because that’s already been proven false in pretty much every way; I’m fine with assuming that, believe it or not, Yoda may not have known everything! However, Cal has made himself a pretty high-profile Jedi in the eyes of the Empire, and one would logically assume that if he was around during the OT, Luke would have sought him out. Thus we once again run into the question of “doomed prequelitis.” Rogue One played this trope completely straight. Rebels mostly did not, but notably the two major Jedi characters were both removed from the equation. One in the form of death, and the other in the form of semi-voluntary intergalactic exile! (Of course there’s the loose thread that is Ahsoka, but there are lots of plausible ways to keep her out of the OT, so we’ll save that discussion for another day.) My point is the status quo that is established at the end of Survivor would not keep Cal and company off of Luke’s radar. They are still involved with the Hidden Path, which presumably would have ties with the larger Rebellion, and they would surely keep doing that as long as they are able. However, killing off Cal would be the easy way out in terms of storytelling. Even if his death was some kind of heroic sacrifice, it would once again be a story we have already seen many times in Star Wars. It would be lazy, repetitive writing, and with the time capsule that is Tanalorr, it does not need to be that way. All we need is a reason that they can’t leave Tanalorr and a reason no one can go in after them. Hence why I think the last compass will be destroyed!
Obviously these are just some overarching ideas for what I think the third game should look like and have little to do with gameplay or any kind of specific plot. I’ll leave that to Respawn! 😉
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thevikingwoman · 7 months
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Top Ten Video games
thanks @keturagh for the tag!
as this list shows - I'm not young, and I started out with PC gaming, where truly my love for gaming was built. It was hard to pick 10 games - for being a "gamer" I don't actually play a lot of games, and there's only a few games that really stick out as truly noteworthy over time to me. Criteria is muddled - games that are great, games that are fun, games that defined a moment for me. Yes, there's a certain amount of nostalgia too here. I've by internal logic excluded text-based IFs from considerations.
Tagging @myreia @galadrieljones @galadae @roguelioness @redinkofshame @lilas @coldshrugs @allaganexarch @a-shakespearean-in-paris if you want! And anyone else! tag me!
Civilization
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I refuse to pick one, but I'll probably go with IV if I had to, just because of the music and I think it's where they introduced cultural victory. Civilization was the first video game I brought with my own money, and yes that's an old pic of all the boxes (I don't have the Civ I box 😭but I still have the disks and manual). I also have Civ VI, but no new pic. Civilization is genre defining, a PC gaming defining game - there is no other game like it.
2. Diablo II
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I played so much Diablo II - it was such a fun game full of fun gameplay. It was also the first game I truly played online - meeting new and wonderful friends and got embroiled on online drama! Diablo II was just sheer fun, from the builds to the loot to the secret cow level. The cut scenes were phenomenal, the one above is still one of my favorites of all time - the shattering of the world stone. Tyrael was possible my first video game crush, yeah just the wings and voice, don't @ me
3. Warcraft III
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I played so much Warcraft III. The gameplay was fantastic, just a great RTS. It had humor, but also possibly the most heartwrecking storyline I've played - the fact you get to play out Arthas decent into evil was a stroke of gameplay and storytelling genious. Coupled with this era of Blizzard's cinematic department, the hands down best cut scene ever. This remains a top game for me.
4. Mass Effect
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What can I say? Mass Effect is fun to play, has a pretty great and well written story - it's one of a kind to be honest. I don't do shooters, but I do do Mass Effect.
5. Pharaoh
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I love city building and this was the best one. IS the best one, as this is remastered on steam. I'm currently playing this, and this is from the other night. I love this! pyramids! logistics! production! bright colors!
6. Dragon Age Inquistion
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would be weird if I didn't include this one, right? I love the game and I love all the stuff that lives in my brain because of it. Also I do think the combat is fun? I think mechanics and environment wise it's also the best of Dragon Age.
7. Assassin's Creed Odyssey
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I had a hard time picking between II (best boy Ezio, Desmond), Origins (pyramids! BAYEK and AYA, the mature story!!) and Odyssey - in the end I think Odyssey won because of the feel of AC - assassin, the vast explorations, the many quests, and ofc yelling in DMs over lost love. Not to forget - clop, clop, clop, the fake minotaur quest.
8. Jedi: Fallen Order
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Look, I don't like platformers or difficult combat, but story mode hit the spot, and the story was SO good. Cal Kestis is my son in my heart, the story and his character touched me.
9. World of Warcraft
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well, the sheer amount of time and investment I put into this game count for something. At some point it seemed like half the world played it, for good reason. I don't think I can go back, but WoW was the first MMO I truly enjoyed, and I love the art style so much. and I got to turn into a demon for massive damage, and endlessly frustrate my healer. Infinite mana, baby, just heal me
10. Master of Orion II
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another old 4x game, this just hit the spot somehow.
other contenders: Geometry War Retro Evolved, Tetris, the MasterMind game my dad coded himself and we had a vicious family competition for the leaderboard, Settlers III, Heros of Might and Magic (but I don't recall which version I loved the most), and Warlords (the original DOS game)
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More little, perfect things in Jedi: Fallen Order because we’re starting chapter 6 and it’s getting even better (Spoilers ahead!):
When Cal breathes on Ilum, his breath fogs when he speaks/breathes!
BD-1′s little antennae move like an animal’s ears (ex: when he’s scared they fold down and when he’s happy they shoot up) and it’s so cuuuuute!!
Literally everything about Cal back on the Matis after his first flashback of his master on Danthomir. I cannot get over the fact that he gets to safety and immediately collapses; he’s physically and mentally exhausted, and all he wants to do is curl up and cope with the pain. There’s a lot of awesome story stuff that happens here too, but the attention put into finally showing Cal falling apart under its weight makes it that much more immersive. (Respawn, let me hug him please--)
Little Cal!! Everything about him! His teeny voice, his more open expression, his little celebratory jumps, he’s so cute! Makes a wonderful contrast against present Cal. (Also, I wasn’t playing the game myself, but it looked like young Cal had less stamina and less control than older Cal which makes perfect sense!)
Merrin’s posture on the Mantis?? Again, it’s so unimportant but her posture is impeccable, and it just adds so much character to her for me, especially when the developers go out of their way to show how both Cere and Cal tend to hunch over.
TRILLA’S. WALK. I have no idea what makes it so powerful, but man, does it make me nervous!
Just noticed this, but Cal has two run animations!! One is a more casual jog where he’s upright, and then there’s another where he’s outright sprinting and bent over to let the momentum carry him. I just love that someone acknowledged the difference because seeing it made the motions feel very different and enhance mood changes more!
When Cal and Cere have their heart to heart after Trilla gets the holocron and Cere is struggling with the guilt of being “responsible”, she kinda laughs at times despite clearly being stressed and it’s such a human reaction, I love it.
SPEAKING OF WHICH, when Cere knights Cal, she pulls Trilla’s saber to her uSING THE FORCE, PROBABLY FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE SHE GAVE UP BEING A JEDI HHHHHHHHH--
To put it simply?
ART. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
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starsscarmyceiling · 11 months
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the only thing i have ever known about merrical is what i've seen you reblog over the years, and i was always fine with that like go off...but now idk, i have seen so much of this pairing on my dash and i find myself being a little more curious? i feel kind of insane going to your askbox about this, but it seems to have certainly intrigued me ngl. and since you are the og merrical i've been following forever (reylo 4 life!), is there any sort of way you could give me a crash course on it? 🥺🙏
Holy gee WOW did I smile so very hard at this nonnie, I can't even tell you omfg. I was kind of wondering if Merrical would reach others in the SW fandom. I just know it's a smaller ship, especially in comparison to Reylo...and let me just tell you, Reylo Merricals, I think are mighty cool people.
Alright, well, I had another ask where I just gave all my fic recs and stuff like that, so you can find all of that here!
Okay okay okay, damn...where to start? I mean coming from Reylo you're still getting that enemies to lovers the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine goodness. Just imagine like...a Dark Rey/Jedi Ben AU? Yeah that seems like the right vibes to me.
Alright, so like the absolute 🤌thing🤌 for Merrical imo is all of the unspoken understanding between them. When I first played Jedi Fallen Order, what truly got me to start shipping is the moment Cal looked into Merrin's eyeballs and dropped the "I know what it's like to lose everything" line, like damn. That fucking--that ruined my life. He looked at her and validated her and then told her that how she'd been treated was wrong, and I just like fainted the old Katie can't come to the phone right now because she's dead. Here are two people, who both have been through so much, all of the same traumas of losing their entire people at such a young age and they found each other...like...do you know how special that is??
I think that is just another thing that I love about these two. There really is so much unsaid understanding between them that it seems like no matter the universe, they just seem to just naturally want to be around each other, and maybe they don't always understand why, but what it has is the potential to turn into is like *chef's kiss* of building something together that may have a foundation of joint trauma, but can then turn into everything they have been seeking and not even knowing they were. About two broken people, finally feeling like it's okay that they are, like they don't need to be fixed, like they don't need to explain, and they can just be.
It's about what they can build together.
They are so very healthy, have such amazing communication, and ISTG Star War if you don't give us this one pairing that won't end in tragedy I am setting everything on fire.
Alright, so obviously I would suggest playing JFO and then Jedi Survivor to get like the full story, but if you're not a gamer and want to commit to watching the "movie" version JFO, I thought this one was the best of the ones that weren't like 5+ hours but still providing enough context with cut scenes and some game play. I know it's still long but I tried to pick the best one under 3 hours!
For the JS movie. I thought this one was also a good balance of game play and cut scenes to get context. Let me just, like wow Respawn really made this game for the Merricals. Oh shit, these two are going to fuck your life up...in like the best way.
Also...HEH you're still gonna get all the freckle and hair appreciation in the world. Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
Fellow Merricals, if there was like anything that I left out that you think is important, just comment on here! I hope that was as succinct, you know, for me, and efficient of a Merrical crash course that I could give you anon.
This was fun, thinking this all out, and I truly hope you enjoy just another lovable set of space idiots over here. Also don't be shy! If I've successfully converted you, please show some love to the amazing authors and artists that this fandom has to offer.
AW YEAH guys we could have another convert to the house of Merrical I am kicking my feet in the air and screaming love all of us always 💖💖💖
Also, yes, our home base is Applebee's. Come join me for a drink sometime 😏
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spidezer · 2 years
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welcome to: spidezer rambles about survivor!
i wonder if vader is going to be in survivor??? we already know the grand inquisitor is going to be in it, most likely sent after cal by vader, but is he himself going to?
on one hand, i hope he isn't, because it would take away from fallen order's end--- and i doubt that they can ever top the first reveal in the game. that terrifying breathing paired with fog and smoke descending down from above was just perfect, and redoing that will weaken it imo
but on the other.... i want to explore the idea of vader being semi obsessed with hunting down the two who managed to evade his inquisitors for months and even kill one, before breaking into his fortress and escaping his very grasp... the two able to hold their own against the most powerful force wielder, who both fought him face to face and survived. i think vader being a prominent figure from the start would hammer in that is it a sequel, taking components from the end of the game and lessening that chance of weakening vaders reveal in fo.
i LOVED the fact vader wasn't treated as a normal enemy in fo. we were never meant to fight him because we (and cal) would LOSE. and if vader IS in survivor, i hope its that same formidable presence we know we will die if we face and not an actual enemy. because we all know cal is NOT strong enough to actually fight vader and live.
im not exactly enthusiastic about the idea of survivors main antag being another inquisitor, let alone one we have seen in multiple medias already... something i loved about fo is that every single chararcter had never been seen before, save for a few (which also made vader's reveal so much more amazing). i do think there will be another antag though, and i hope it has something to do with the man in the tank.
we know from reviewing fo's trailer than there are a lot of scenes in it that never appeared in the game, and i wont be surprised if some of the scenes aren't shown at all. in fact, i think i'd be surprised if they're all in the game. who knows, maybe the grand inquisitor will only be used a plot device and not an enemy!
now to get onto my actual complaints, (/j) WHERE ARE THE PONCHOS. i did not spend HOURS hunting down all those god damn loot crates on every planet for this little cunt to dump them WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY. but i AM curious on what the new loot collectibles are going to be if not ponchos.... but either way, cal will always be a poncho boy in my heart
anyway, this all seems very bitchy but i promise i'm really excited for this game hahaha. personally im super excited for more merrin content and more bd-1 and cal interactions, along with the new planets. as much as i love the current ones they get a little boring after playing them over and over, and i cannot wait to see what survivor has in store for us in the worldbuilding aspect as fallen order's was spectacular
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less-than-three-3 · 1 year
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spiderman remastered is amazing
before going on a ramble I should say I have not played the DLC (I will soon, but I just really wanted to write about this game!) or Miles Morales (purchased and raring to go) and will probably write about both later if there is anything particularly interesting to write about. I’ll start off without spoilers
let me get this out of the way first: this game does make you feel like spiderman. this is probably something that a million other people have said, but I swear I’ll add something interesting! let’s step back and look at another game that I loved: Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order (review here)
probably one of my favorite things about fallen order was that it felt like a star wars movie through and through while still being like a game. the music, the presentation, the “cinematography”, the dialogue. it’s interactive, you play as cal for sure, and it feels really fluid, but the overall game presentation feels cinematic
spiderman is... sort of different? the music is very marvel but it doesn’t feel like a movie bgm, it feels like the bgm of swinging through new york, which you are. you don’t get those wide establishing shots or as many of those tense standoffs, but you do get a lot of spidey action and peter parker... action? this sounds kind of like a poor tradeoff but where I think it really shines (besides in gameplay, which I’ll talk about later) is in the character moments. without getting into spoilers, it adds a layer of personal connection that I think is incredibly central to the progression of the plot and everyone’s arcs, peter’s connection with may, martin li, MJ, dr. octavius. it also helps that the VA’s give an A+ job, especially aunt may and otto, and without all of this I think the conflict and resolution would not have hit nearly as hard as it did, but it did, and as a result the story is probably one of my favorites in all of gaming.
of course, yeah, you are spiderman swinging through nyc. that’s fucking awesome. I really don’t think it can be understated how cool swinging is, and how even the minor upgrades you get to movement add to how fun it is. I would actively not use fast travel to just swing around and listen to JJJ’s podcast (which is hilarious, btw) on my way to do things. I really think this is the biggest and most obvious gameplay highlight. it’s spiderman, that’s what he does.
the combat also has spiderman flair, with a variety of gadgets, combos, and throws to weave together. figuring out different ways to use the gadgets and powers mid-fight is pretty satisfying. this is kind of where the compliments end for this though, since by the end of the game it does feel kind of worn out because it’s still fairly simplistic (I am on that platinum games brainrot), and enemy variety does not improve too much. having different challenges and stealth helps, but not enough by the endgame that I just kind of ended up skipping side challenges to just complete the main story (I unlocked what I wanted then just beelined the msq). there’s definitely plenty to do between challenges, research, side combat missions, though, don’t get me wrong. it just gets a little worn thin by the end, if that makes sense?
speaking of low points, I just kind of really did not care too much for MJ and miles sections. just kind of boring stealth that I just ended up ungabunga hold forward and getting through. maybe I just wanted to get back to being spiderman but I just really thought they weren’t necessary. they aren’t very frequent but when they do happen I do roll my eyes.
last negative point I promise, and this one’s a nitpick, and really no one will care, but I just kind of laugh any time an enemy speaks chinese because it’s noticeably “chinese american” pronounciation. maybe all of the goons are 2nd gen or later lol. I think the voice cast for them is probably chinese american based on credits (feel free to check me on this, I have been wrong about this before :x ) so nothing against them. just something I’ve noticed also being 2nd gen.
oh another nitpick is just that it’s really funny as a chemist to hear video game characters basically spew out science word salad talking about things. not a bad thing, just kinda amusing. not gonna be That Guy lol
anyways time to get into spoiler stuff. 
I really have no complaints with pretty much any story beat until maybe the very end. it was incredibly compelling from beginning to end. like I said before, every single character connection felt super meaningful and only makes the tragic clashing of the final confrontation and peter’s decisions all the more gut wrenching. I won’t summarize the story obviously but I’ll mention the highlights.
my one complaint is really that I empathize far too much with doc ock and martin- they have very legitimate beef with osborn and I feel like spiderman’s “killing is bad, actually” kind of lets osborn get off scot free. I really wished to see, yknow, repercussions, for the person who essentially started every single conflict in the entire damn plot. but I am going to guess that will be addressed more in miles morales, and the sequel(s). just felt kind of empty to let him go. I get spiderman’s anti-vengeance spin but I don’t know how justified it is at the very end. we’ll see for the future I guess.
but like god fucking damn what a tragedy these character arcs are. martin’s farewell letter and backstory and otto’s treatment of peter and expressed vision and talents really humanize these characters. the other supervillains yeah whatever. even going in knowing these turns are going to happen (despite not really being a comic nerd) because yeah martin li and otto octavius oh boy I wonder what’s gonna happen to them, their confrontations with peter are built up excellently and just so damn good. I would be lying if I said I did not tear up at his final dialogue with doc after the final fight.
speaking of tearing up, aunt may is a fucking treasure. her VA fucking killed it and every time peter goes to FEAST it’s a joy. which makes her rapid demise to the devil’s breath and peter’s decision to save the antidote at the end so heart breaking. 
I’m really looking forward to digging into the DLC and miles morales, from what I understand the former is kind of just “more spiderman” and I actually don’t know too much about miles morales beside it being relatively short compared to main game. Like I said if they’re interesting to write about maybe I’ll do another mind dump. but for now, wow. what a great game. 
19/20. (November 2022)
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quinnigallagherjones · 10 months
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hey hey milo!!! what is one thing you always WISH people would ask you when you reblog an ask game like this, and what's your answer to whatever question that is? ;)
HEY ARWEN MY BELOVED 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
one thing i wish people would ask me is about my favourite video games honestly !!! i love gaming so much and i am always down to talk to people about video games :') sooooo with that being said i am now going to go on about some of my all time favourite games !!!
the last of us - this goes for both games but oh MAN when i played the first game for the first time back in 2017 when i first started playing single player games properly it was such a surreal experience !!!!! i am so glad more people are getting introduced to the game now bc of the show and it makes me so happy to see people getting attached to ellie and joel as much as i have been for years now !!!
uncharted - once again this goes for all of them but in particular u4 and lost legacy !!! what can i say i am a naughty dog simp, they make amazing games and amazing characters !!!!
marvel's spider-man + miles morales - insomniac peter parker is honestly one of my favourite adaptations of him like when people fight about the live action spider-mans i am sat here like INSOMNIAC SPIDER-MAN IS RIGHT THERE !!!! the storyline in both spider-man and miles morales is SO DAMN GOOD and it's one of the smoothest games i have ever played honestly !!! i am so excited for spider-man 2 later on in the year !!!!
the legend of zelda games - i didn't want to pick just one but some of my fave ones are twilight princess, wind waker and breath of the wild of course !!!! i haven't started playing tears of the kingdom yet but i am so goddamn excited to play it !!!!
jedi fallen order - another game that is so damn good story wise !!! i don't know if you can tell but i very much love games that have an amazing storyline and this is definitely one of them !!! i haven't had a chance to play jedi survivor yet but my GOD am i excited to see my boy cal kestis again <33
the quarry + until dawn - putting these together as they are both made by supermassive games but mannn i love a good "ur choices have consequences" type game hahaha, having to make split second decisions that will ultimately affect what ending you end up with is THE SHIT !!!!
once again i will stop bc i don't want to make this post really long hahah but some honourable mentions include: horizon zero dawn, the batman arkham games, the wolf among us, life is strange, the walking dead, journey and a short hike
sleepover asks !!
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upperranktwo · 1 year
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Honestly didn't start playing Jedi: Fallen Order because of Cal, my fav. I started playing it because the game was sent to me by my s/o and I wanted to try it out. I also watched other friends play it too and watched them ALSO struggle with this game (I played the game and understood the struggle like it honestly frustrated me LOL. Why did I choose that difficulty? Idk probably for the challenge and to say it proudly LOL). Cal became my fav because he just looks so god damn cute, and from what I've played so far he has such a soft and admirable personality. I just spoiled myself a little with what happens in the game regarding personality—and honestly, I don't mind spoilers having watched others play the game already a little BUT I am willing to play it all by myself for experience and to get an understanding of wtf happened—and he really is soft. Idk if you've watched Star Wars, but under the faction he grew up in, the Jedi, they value mentorship and understanding and that really warms my heart with how he shows those traits. I'd honestly give him a big hug and plan on writing a self indulgent one-shot for him soon.
I've seen a good amount of star wars stuff but I haven't played a game of it since the game cube days 😭 so i'm not familiar with this character. But it's cute that you like him so much! And if you want to write a one-shot you should! I'd write one for me and my fave but I cannot write to save my fucking life 😭 got some respect for writers since that is hard!
Tell me why you love your fave ♡
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whatanoof · 3 years
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Cal Kestis Headcanons that No One Asked For
So I’ve slowly been going through story mode of Jedi: Fallen Order, and I’m about to go to the Fort Inquisitorius so I haven’t even finished yet but I’m absolutely in love with Cal Kestis, so here are some hc about him, romantic and non-romantic.
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SPOILERS FOR JEDI: FALLEN ORDER
Cal x female!reader
You both love it when you play with his hair. The first time was almost an accident on your part, because you were just sitting behind him on the bunk while he’s tinkering with his saber and staring at the back of his head. It’s so red, and you’d honestly rarely seen such a bright color naturally occurring, much less growing out of a human head? Your hand brushed a strand almost of its own volition, and you both just froze. He slowly turned to look at you, and you almost stopped breathing because Did you just mess up did you just fuck up the relationship oh shit shit shit--. And he just whispers, “Uh, could you do that again?” And you’re in such a state of shock and relief that you just scoot back on the bunk and gesture at your open lap. Cere walks in on the two of you later, him dopey and almost asleep with his head in your lap, your fingers running through the silky strands. She doesn’t say anything, even when Greez points out the two small braids that you left at the nape of his neck.
He’s so competitive. Like come on, this man refused to back down from  two or three separate fights against fully-fledged Inquisitors and one insane Jedi Master while he was still technically a Padawan. So he won’t let you beat him. At anything. You’re watering the latest seed that he brought back from a planet? Bam, he’s got Greez’s special plant food and he’s giving every single one of them a five-course meal. If you’re a Jedi, and you’re meditating in the back of the Mantis? You open your eyes after ten or so minutes and he’s right there in front of you, doing that little concentration face that you fell in love with so easily. If you’re a Jedi, you’re evenly matched in almost everything that you do in terms of abilities, and you teach each other where you’re not. Greez is terrified of watching you two spar, because you don’t hold back, but you’re also so equal to him in skill that it’s a whirl of light and blocking known attacks. 
Him and BD-1 were a package deal, but as soon as you were welcomed aboard the Mantis, Cal couldn’t believe how easily the little droid warmed up to you. Of course, BD sticks with Cal and is his right hand man on adventures, but Cal no longer occupies 100 percent of BD’s free time. You refuse to tell Cal exactly where, but you found a spot right behind BD’s “head” where if you scratch it, the droid is on the ground and kicking a leg in the air in happiness. If you’re a mechanic, you can usually be found in the back, tinkering with BD’s processor to make it run more efficiently, or oiling his joints again, or designing new paint jobs for the happy little droid. Either way, you’ve stolen a decent fraction of the droid’s affection, and none of the Mantis crew has any idea how you did it. It’s actually the first thing that urged you and Cal to start spending more time together, and you remember BD’s happy little hops after you’d finally kissed Cal for the first time.
There is absolutely no backing for this, but I think that Cal can sing. Nothing fancy, of course, it’s not like there are vocal lessons available on Bracca or in the Jedi Order, but he can carry a tune. It’s sometimes the only way you can fall asleep on the Mantis, because even though Greez and the crew make it cozy, it’s not home. But as soon as you’re curled up in the twin-sized bunk, and Cal starts humming to you, you’re out before he’s finished the chorus. Sometimes the songs are happy, but they’re often little ditties that he heard from the clones before Order 66, or mourning songs that fellow workers on Bracca would sing during the night when the rain was pounding on the metal and creating a natural rhythm and harmony for the tired mechanics. They’re songs of lost love, fallen brothers, and vague longings for newer, better lives. You fall asleep to his soothing voice, but you often wake with an ache in your heart for the suffering and pain that Cal has experienced and witnessed in his short life.
He’s ticklish. He hates that you know. He hates that you told Merrin, and now she can blackmail him into getting her favorite foods from supply markets. But you love the childish giggles that you’re able to pull out of him when you finally corner him and run your fingers over his neck. Tickle fights always end in make-out sessions.
+18 NSFW under the cut
So... Cal never had the chance to understand wanting intimacy before you, sexual and non-sexual. He was terrified the first time he looked at you and didn’t recognize that strange feeling in his chest. He’d never felt it before, was there something wrong with him? Was he sick? It takes a sit-down with Greez for him to figure out what’s going on, and it’s even scarier than the possibility of illness. Jedi were forbidden to love, it had always been a taboo in his mind, even if he had never had the opportunity to find out what it felt like.
He pushes it away at first. He ignores the flutters in his chest when you’re laughing with Merrin at dinner. He denies the complete shorting out of his brain when he accidentally brushes too close to you while trying to get to your shared bunk. 
He has his first wet dream, and wakes up absolutely throbbing with the memory of the dream that involved you and him and way too little clothes for his repressed childhood. He tries to grit his teeth and go back to sleep, but it’s too uncomfortable, and he can’t get the image of your body out of his mind. Jedi Masters always gave their Padawans the sex talk, and Jaro Tapal was nothing if not a good Master. So Cal knows basically what he has to do to relieve the tension so that he can get a little more sleep. He just doesn’t expect to lose control of himself to the point where he grunts your name when he comes. His heart just about stops when he hears the bed above him creak, and he yanks the sheets over his head until he’s sure that you’re not awake. He gets up early the next morning so that he can clean up without fear of you catching him.
After you get together, Cal is even more scared of the relationship. He had checked with Cere, and though she skews more traditional in her beliefs, she knows that Cal’s trauma and overcoming of it is more than she could hope to understand. Maybe this relationship could bring a stability to his life that nothing else could provide. She cautions him on the power of Dark Side, and how the fear of losing love dragged many great Jedi astray. But she also trusts you, and she knows that you would never do anything to hurt him. She hadn’t missed the lovesick puppy eyes you’d been sending his way.
You start out promising to take it slow. Neither of you had much experience in the areas of relationships and dating, much less sex, so at the beginning, you make sure to clarify that there’s no pressure to rush through anything. It’s mostly just spending more time together, slowly exploring each other. You both learn about each other’s pasts, and spend time talking through the different experiences, rationalizing and comforting each other. Before you even begin to experiment in bed, he’s become your best friend.
When you finally do, it’s short and sweet and perfect for two people who are trying to take their relationship slow. You teach him about what you like, and he gasps out in between moans what feels good and ohhh, what feels even better. 
Okay, a bit of a time skip here, but after Cal’s more experienced, he is a sucker for you riding his thigh. He’s built and strong, so the ridge of muscle beneath you and rubbing against every single spot that sparks delicious warmth in your belly brings you to climax so much more quickly than you could have expected. He loves looking up at you, mouth open and eyes half shut in ecstasy as you chase your high, your heat leaving sticky wetness on his thigh that only serves to make him harder. He’ll grind his leg up if only to hear that heavenly little squeal and whimper that he can get out of you. You’re beautiful to him even on the worst days, but when you’re above him, sweaty and on the brink of coming all over his thigh? Stars, you’re the most glorious thing he’s ever seen, and he rode a shyyyo bird over the untouched forest of Kashyyyk.
Sadcanons. Don’t read if you don’t want sad feels tonight
There is no denying that Cal’s not a whole person at the beginning of the storyline. He definitely regains some of himself back, but there are parts of him that I believe died with the clones and died with Jaro. There are times where he has nightmares, and when he wakes up, he doesn’t want to be with anyone. Even you. He’ll lapse into silence for hours and days at a time, staring at the blank wall while you try to get him to eat or drink something because damnit it’s been days and he hasn’t so much as moved. Your heart breaks at every sign of his damage, because you know that there is only so much you can do to help. This is a journey that he has to complete independently, though it doesn’t mean that you won’t be here for him when he wakes up.
You trace his scars to comfort him. He’s insecure about them, and is terrified of the memories that they bring back. But when you’re there, loving even his jagged edges, it’s all marginally better and he can bear to live with himself a little more.
He comforts you too. Whatever your background, the Clone Wars and the Purge gave everyone a little bit of damage, and you were no different. He holds you when you’re crying, and comforts you after your nightmares. He’ll purposefully pick a happy song to sing when he knows that you’re down, and he never fails to make you laugh through the tears.
His psychometry allows him to understand your trauma better than you could hope to understand his. Before you even allow him to sense your past, you make him promise to not internalize any of it. You know that he would, though it makes no logical sense. He promises. 
Oops I made myself yearn. Now back to our regularly scheduled program of single life. School’s kicking my ass right now, but this made me feel better so I can’t complain too much.
But in all seriousness, I recommend this game 10/10. The Star Wars content is absolutely impeccable, the graphics are gorgeous, it gives me a thrill in my chest to know that every single second is canon. Cal is a beautifully written character, and even though his story breaks my heart, it’s written so well. He doesn’t lash out in anger, rather internalizing his fears and pain in a way that I can relate to, and he’s scarily powerful. It’s a feel good story for me despite the pain, and I’m looking forward to finishing it this weekend!
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nostalgiabones · 3 years
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Simple Sunday Afternoons // CH
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This is just a random thing I wrote one day after talking to @calumrose as always lmao. I didn’t intend to post it but I think it’s a just a nice soft Sunday so, I thought I would! I also just wanted to make the point that the little moodboards I’ve made aren’t representative of what any of the ‘characters’ look like — they just represent the concept of the blurb! Let me know what you think, and as always, reblogs and feedback is so appreciated! ❤️
Word count: 4.2k
“Good morning,”
A warm smile rises on Calum’s lips at the words as he flips a pancake in a pan, clad in only his grey joggers and a messy mop of curls upon his head, along with the glasses he’s taken to wearing more often recently. He doesn’t hear the giggles or yawns of your daughter, just some of her usual sounds in the morning, and assumes you’re entering the kitchen alone without her.
He doesn’t have a chance to turn around and check before you’re wrapping your arms around his waist — his warm skin soothing against your own. It’s not often you get little moments alone like this — not without a baby in between the two of you, either resting in his arms or your own. Not that it’s anything to complain about; the two of you love Mara more than life itself. You just miss getting to hold Calum for a little longer in the mornings.
“Yes, it is,” Calum replies, taking one of your hands in his own, lifting it to his face and brushing his lips over your knuckles. “Where’s the little one?”
You rest your cheek against him, just wanting to be close, wanting your skin on his. “I just put her down for an early nap, she was kinda fussy. I think her teeth are coming in.”
He nods, pouting at the thought of his sweet daughter being in pain.
“We’ll have to keep an eye on her,” He states, and you nod in agreement. “She’s probably going to be asleep a while, isn’t she? Do you want to go back to bed?”
You take a sip of coffee from the mug on the counter, not caring whether it was his or one he made for you. Everything he has is yours, and vice versa — even something as insignificant as coffee. He feels the same way about your heart.
“We finally have some time together, I don’t want to waste it sleeping,” You murmur, your palm sliding down his back, the gesture familiar and soothing to him. Goosebumps break out over his skin.
“Okay, well..” He turns down the heat on the stove, moving the hot pan to a cold ring in order not to burn himself when he gets distracted by you. He spins around, a hand landing on either side of your hip, his nose brushing yours as he leans in. “I could just stand here...” he interrupts himself by brushing his lips against yours. “And kiss you instead.”
You sigh against his lips and bask in the moment, one that is so rare nowadays. He notices you pout and he chuckles — his warm palms landing on the small of your back.
“What’s up with you, pouty?” He asks, keeping your face close, his eyes searching your face.
“I miss kissing you,” You whine, and he can’t help but kiss you again with the way you’re looking at him. You think back to Sunday’s before Mara — it feels like a different lifetime, but it wasn’t so long ago. Now days are filled with tears, smiles, happy baby giggles and messy meal times — but you wouldn’t have it any other way. Even if the only time you got to be close to Calum was at bedtime, once Mara had gone down.
“You can kiss me whenever you want, baby,” He replies, his pointer finger brushing up your cheek as he furrows his eyebrows at you.
“I know, but we don’t get time anymore,” You remind him, and he nods. You know you both need to make more of a conscious effort to spend quality time with each other — instead of trying to clean the whole house whilst Mara is napping. “It’s nice to be close to you like this.”
“Maybe Mara should grow some teeth more often.” He jokes, and you slap his chest playfully as he laughs.
“Don’t say that! She’s in pain,” You scold him, your hands pressed against his chest as he holds you close. “You won’t be saying that when she wakes up in a bad mood and won’t sleep tonight.”
He knows you’re right. As much as he jokes, there’s nothing he hates more than seeing his sweet girl in pain — whether it’s her teeth or anything else.
“Touché.” He smiles, kissing you once more. “Do you want to eat? I made pancakes.”
“But that means we have to stop kissing,” You sigh, and he can’t help but laugh at you once more. Calum brushes his lips against yours, his hands rubbing up and down the tops of your arms as you stand there. There’s something about seeing you in one of his t-shirts that goes straight to his heart every single time — even after being married for several years.
“Come on, pouty. Let’s have one meal uninterrupted before we have to deal with a grumpy Mara.”
***
“Cal, I need to get up,”
The sounds of Mara’s cries fill your ears as you gently push on Calum’s shoulders; trying to get him to move from where he’s fallen asleep on your lap so you can get up to get her. The two of you decided to watch a movie (or as much as you can get away with) whilst Mara slept, yet less than halfway through, Calum had fallen asleep with his face pressed against your chest.
“Mara is crying,” You murmur, brushing your fingers through his hair to rouse him a little more as he wakes up. “I need to go get her.”
He shifts in your lap and leans on one arm so you can get up, almost face planting the sofa once you stand up and he’s left there alone. He yawns and listens to the soothing words slipping from your lips as you approach Mara’s bedroom, already knowing you’ll be met with her sad eyes and messy hair. Her cries slow down but your voice gets louder as you head back to the lounge, and he sits up so he can take her.
“Look who it is,” You kiss Mara’s temple as you carry her through to where Calum is, her tired eyes lighting up as she spots her dad. Her skin is warm and flushed from sleep, much like Calum’s — the similarity between your husband and daughter when they’ve both woken up makes your heart melt.
“Hi, honey,” Calum greets her, reaching out for her from his spot on the sofa as he wakes up a little more. She yawns and her lips curl into a small smile as you set her down in his lap, a hand coming to hold either side of her as he gets her. You sit down next to them, unable to stop yourself from smiling at their matching puffy eyes and flushed cheeks. “How was your nap, hey? Are those naughty teeth still hurting you?”
He gets an answer through her gestures — as he speaks, she presses her lips to his shoulder, like she was trying to find some relief for her angry gums. “Oh, my poor girl. Shall we get you something that’ll help, hey? I think some yoghurt might work better than my shoulder, little one.”
Calum stands up from the sofa with a dramatic groan as he lifts her, kissing her forehead as she whines in his arms, rubbing at her heavy eyes with little fists. He opens the fridge as he hums under his breath, picking out her favourite apricot yoghurt and a spoon in the hopes of soothing her mouth.
“Why don’t we go for a walk to the park in a bit?” You ask, watching as Calum sets Mara down in her high chair. He pulls up a chair in front of her so he can feed her - knowing he’s about to get as messy as she usually does. “It’s a nice day out, and we can walk Duke at the same time.”
Calum nods, coaxing Mara to open her mouth as he feeds her. “That’s a good idea. Although I think we’re gonna need a bath after this.”
“We?”
“Do you see how much yoghurt is on her hands?” He laughs, leaning forward to kiss Mara’s forehead. In the process, she reaches out for him, the sticky, dairy snack landing on his own skin. “I think there’s more on her than in her mouth.”
He’s right, she’s messy, but looks significantly less uncomfortable than she did when waking up — so it’s worth it.
***
“Watch her eyes whilst I wash her hair, Cal,”
Calum steps out of the stream of the shower so you can rinse Mara’s hair, after lathering a sweet smelling shampoo through her curls. Breakfast had been a messy affair, and in an effort to save both time and water, you decided to have a family shower together.
He cups his hand over her forehead as you gently rinse the shampoo away, your fingertips smoothing over her scalp as content noises slip from her lips. The smile on her face tells you how happy she is to have your joint attention; loving nothing more than being inbetween the two of you.
“What does she find so funny about showering?” Calum asks, laughing himself as he holds Mara, lips brushing her wet cheeks as she giggles. He grabs the sponge to clean under her chin, making sure all of the yoghurt is gone, the familiar smell of her lavender body wash a comforting one. She tries to reach for the sponge as he does — her eyes fixated on the purple object.
“I don’t know, actually.” You reply, watching her eyes follow you as you move to wash Calum’s hair, too, noticing how much the blonde has grown out and his roots have come through. “We need to swap places again.”
“We should let Mara shower with us everyday if it means you washing my hair,” He suggests, met with a playful eye roll from you. Showering together was something he’d do everyday if he could — it’s one of his favourite intimate moments with you, a wonderful way to start his day. It’s more difficult to find time for it with Mara now though.
“I don’t know why you’re acting like I don’t do it even when your hands are free,” You reply and he laughs, knowing you’re right. Having his hair played with whether you’re washing it or just running your fingers through it is one of his favourite things, especially now it’s longer — a way to instantly make him relax. “You’re just using Mara as an excuse today, isn’t he, honey? He’s using you to make me wash his hair.”
She giggles and gives you a sweet wide mouthed smile, one that you wish you could freeze in time and see forever. One that soon will be accompanied by the teeth that are causing her so much pain.
“She doesn’t mind,” He pouts as he looks at her, lips brushing over her forehead as she smiles. She follows your lead and reaches up to put her own little hands into his hair, tiny fingers grabbing the curls in an attempt to help you. You laugh at her action, with a “are you trying to help mum, sweetheart?”
Calum grimaces but can’t help but laugh as he feels Mara tugging at his hair, knowing she’s trying to help, but isn’t quite as gentle as you are. “I think you need some lessons in hair washing, my love, it feels more like you’re trying to rip my hair out.”
It hurts, but her smile makes him ache in a completely different way.
***
“Is her pushchair in the garage?”
Calum grabs a teething ring from the fridge with his free hand as he nods, Mara occupying the other as she clings to his shoulder. It’s been a few hours since her morning nap and he knows she’s getting tired again; evident through her rubbing her eyes and her little whines. He knows she’ll fall asleep on the way to the park.
“Yeah, it’s near the back, behind the car.” He replies, kissing Mara’s forehead as she leans against his chest. She yawns and he rocks her in his arms, resting his cheek ontop of her head and holds her close. “Are you tired, little moon? That shower has made you sleepy, hey?”
His voice is a soft murmur as he talks to her; the tone one that is reserved for when he speaks to her. He’s so gentle and loving whenever he speaks to her and it makes your heart melt.
“Here we go,” You open the door and push her pram into the entrance to the house, unbuckling the straps so Calum can put her in. “Do you think she’s wrapped up enough? I don’t know if it’s as warm as it looks.”
Calum lifts her in his arms and pats her back, rocking her on the spot as he judges the weather. She’s comfy in a little t-shirt, hoodie and leggings, complete with baby old skool vans that Calum got her, to match his.
“How about a hat, too? Should we get you a beanie to match dad, baby?” He asks, knowing it’ll keep her ears warm if it gets a little chilly. You smile and head to her bedroom to get one of her little hats; her collecting growing with every one that Calum buys. “Come on, sweetheart, lets get you all cosy.”
He moves her away from his body to put her down and she cries, little hands trying to hold onto the neck of his own hoodie. Calum knows she’s being fussy because she’s getting tired and her mouth hurts, yet it makes him sad all the same. “You’re okay, honey, shh.”
Calum manages to set her down in the chair without too much of a fuss; making sure she’s sat down properly, and has her little elephant in reach as well as her pacifier. He leans down in front of her and kisses her nose, making a little ‘mwah’ noise as he does to try and soothe her and make her laugh. It doesn’t though — she still tries to hold onto him so he’ll pick her up again.
“What’s with the tears, angel? What’s the matter?” He soothes, staying close to her and gently wiping her tears away with his thumb. She sniffles and his heart aches at the sight. “You can go to sleep when we get walking, okay? You’re alright, my love.”
It’s moments like these where he’s happy that her pushchair is back facing, so she can see the two of you whilst you walk. You join them near the door, Mara’s beanie in your hands, a pout forming on your lips when you spot Mara in her pushchair.
“Oh, baby, what’s wrong?” You ask, smoothing your fingers down her cheeks to soothe her. You tuck the hat over her head, making sure it covers her little ears to keep her warm. Calum hands you her soft blanket, and you tuck it around her knees so she’s snug — almost certain she’ll fall asleep as soon as you set off. “Your poor mouth is making you so sad, isn’t it? We don’t like having a sad girl.”
Calum grabs Duke’s lead and attaches it to his collar, handing it to you before he takes the handle of Mara’s pushchair. “Let’s go, my loves.”
You lock the door behind you before setting off; one hand holding Duke’s lead, and Calum takes the other — his calloused fingers slip between your own, warm and comforting. It’s such a small gesture yet it reminds you of the love between you both. Calum’s other hand pushes Mara’s pushchair at a steady pace. It’s a lovely spring afternoon — blue skies and birds singing in the trees, with just a slight breeze.
“It’s so nice to be out in the sun,” You comment, and Calum nods in agreement. His eyes land on Mara and he notices her squinting at the sun; stopping for a moment before he pulls the hood of her pushchair a little further up to shade her. “Is that better, honey? Can you see now?”
“It feels like we haven’t done this for a while.” Calum says, his thumb rubbing back and forth over the palm of your hand as you walk. He can’t help but feel a small amount of guilt nagging at his mind, knowing he’s spent a lot of time working recently. He’s always home for bedtime, but he’s always tired too — he knows you need to spend more quality time together. “It’s nice.”
“It is,” You reply, squeezing his hand in return. “When are you in the studio next week?”
Calum doesn’t answer for a moment as he thinks about the timing of you asking — like you also know that him being in the studio has meant less time together.
“I’m not going to go in,” He replies, and he knows it’s the right thing to do. “I miss you. I want to spend time with you and Mara this week, they can manage without me.”
It’s a small relief to hear the words. You never want to force Calum away from the studio, but he’s always in a different mindset when he writes. It’ll do him good to be away for a week — so you can spend more time wrapped in each other and with Mara.
You nod before speaking. “I’m so proud of you though, Cal. The songs are sounding great so far.”
A smile rises on his lips at the words, and he raises your joint hands to your lips so he can brush his lips against your knuckles.
“Thank you, honey. I know it’s a lot when we first start writing. I don’t mean to be distant, it’s just hard to get out of my head when I’ve been writing.” Calum explains, yet you don’t need him to; it’s a cycle you’ve witnessed several times throughout your relationship. You nod as he speaks.
“I know, Cal. It’s okay though.” You reassure him, leaning your head against his shoulder as you walk. “It’s all part of who you are, and I love you for you.”
Nothing else needs to be said.
It’s then that the two of you realise the gentle movement of the wheels of the pushchair against the pavement has sent Mara to sleep, and she’s tucked up under her blanket, fast asleep. Her cheeks are rosy red from the warmth and her sore gums, her little hands tucked up against her face. Calum smiles at the sight, reaching into the pram to push her curls away from her face.
“She’s so sweet.” He murmurs, his heart melting when she leans into his touch, even in her sleep.
“She’s all you,” You reply, watching as she wiggles in her sleep. From her wild curls to her full cheeks and pouty lips, every inch of her reminds you of Calum. He disagrees, though.
He shakes his head.
“No… she doesn’t get her temper and grumpy faces from me.”
Your mouth opens in shock and you playfully hit his arm as he laughs. “Hey! You know for a fact that her grumpy morning face is all from you, don’t try and put that on me.”
“Yeah, yeah,” He replies, leaning to kiss you in a silent playful apology. “Whatever you say, my love.”
***
“Should we sit down here for a bit?”
Calum nods and puts the break on Mara’s pushchair, where she’s still sleeping soundly, in between the two of you as you sit down.
“She’s been asleep for a while, there’s no way she’s sleeping tonight.” Calum tells you, and you fear he might be right, even though she needs the sleep with her teeth coming in. “Do you think we should wake her up?”
You gently push her curls away from her face as she snoozes, your heart melting at her pouty lips all smushed up as she sleeps. You realise it has been over an hour since she went to sleep, and that she’ll feel even worse later on if she can’t sleep.
“Yeah, as much as I don’t want to,” You pout, feeling how warm her skin is under your touch. “It’ll do her good to have some fresh air and wake up a bit.”
Calum gently moves the blanket from her lap and pats her tummy, slowly trying to rouse her. Ever since she was born, Mara had been a heavy sleeper - never one to be easily woken up. Maybe she did get that from you. There’d be times where Calum would take her outside with him in the morning to watch the sun rise and she’d happily sleep in his arms, undisturbed by any movement.
“Mara…” Calum murmurs, undoing the buckles so he’d be able to pick her up once she wakes up. He didn’t want to startle her, and knows she’ll just go back to sleep if he rocks her. “Wake up, sweetheart.”
He notices Mara twitch and start sucking on her pacifier — a sign that she’s a little more awake than she was. He brushes his thumb over her cheek and she whines, screwing her eyes up when she realises that she’s outside. She stretches, reaching her arms out for a moment and closing her eyes once more when she relaxes.
“I love watching her wake up.” You comment, chuckling as she very slowly comes round. Calum decides she’s awake enough to move her — carefully slipping his hands underneath her and pulling her up to his chest. “Hi, baby.”
Calum groans dramatically as he gets her settled in his lap and a few cries slip from Mara’s lips at the disturbance; fists lifting to rub her eyes as she wakes up. She sniffles and sucks harder on her pacifier, burying her face against Calum’s chest as he holds her.
“Good afternoon, my love,” Calum murmurs, rubbing her back with his fingertips as he cradles her. “Are you back with us, hey? You’ve been asleep for a long time, honey.”
You know she has no idea what he’s saying, but she loves hearing his voice all the same. He gives her a moment to wake up, brushing his fingers through her hair and cuddling her against him.
“Look how red her cheeks are,” You mention, pouting at the sight — rosy red from how sore her gums are. “Our poor baby.”
He lifts her up so she’s basically standing on his legs, her face in front of his - her hands lifting to cover her eyes from the light. There’s a few families around, children playing and birds singing — a lot of different sights and noises for her to take in. It’s a peaceful day — a feeling of contentment overcoming both you and Calum.
“Hi, little moon,” Calum kisses her pouty lips and gets her settled in his arms, a hand underneath her to keep her sat up. She yawns and her eyes land on you, a smile on her lips as she realises you’re there. “Oh, there’s a smile! We haven’t seen one of those for a little while. Should we get you home soon and have some dinner? How does that sound?”
Calum decides to carry her on the way home for a little while, and your heart melts at the sight — the way he points out different trees and her curious eyes take in the new sights. There’s no one else you want to discover more of the world with.
***
When Calum said Mara wouldn’t sleep that night… he was right. After an hour of rocking her in her room to no avail, you decide to let her join your movie night; there was no point in stressing yourself and Mara out if she didn’t feel like sleeping.
“She gets her stubbornness from you too,” Calum announces, kissing Mara’s temple as he sits down on the sofa next to you with her in his arms. Duke is curled up on one side of you, a blanket thrown over your knees as you waited for Calum to bring Mara down to join you both. “She is not sleeping anytime soon.”
Her big brown eyes look at you from her spot on Calum’s lap — evident that no sleep is about to take place. You laugh at Calum’s words and roll your eyes, shaking your head as Mara reaches out for you.
“Yeah, come here, sweetheart,” You take her and settle her in your lap, brushing your fingers through her hair. “Dad is so mean, isn’t he?”
Calum joins you under your blanket and throws his arm around your shoulder, pulling you both close to him. His cheek rests against your head as he looks at Mara, seeing so much of both you and him in her. He finds the discarded teething ring and hands it to her, hoping it’ll settle her down if it soothes her a little.
“Hey, don’t tell her that,” He replies, his free hand stroking her cheek as she yawns. “You’re meant to be on my side, sweetheart.”
“Sorry, we’re ganging up on you on this occasion, babe.” You shrug your shoulders, rubbing your hand down Mara’s back as she settles in his lap.
Mara finally falls asleep a little later that night curled up in Calum’s arms on the sofa — a warm bottle of milk managing to help her drift off. At the same time, you’re fast asleep with your head in Calum’s lap, and he decides that Sunday’s are his favourite day.
And that with his little family... every day feels like Sunday.
***
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kybervisions · 3 years
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a taste of life [kylo]
summary: ben solo is brought back from the dead by a force-sensitive pirate and is given the opportunity to start a new life as part of her crew. 
author’s note: hdjfkj i love the idea of a pirate!reader so here is my contribution,, so this takes place a few weeks after the battle of exegol in which the first order was defeated ,, if you’ve played jedi fallen order than reader’s ability is exactly like cal’s ,, lmk what you think :)) ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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“I have a bad feeling about this,” Isao muttered as he navigated the ship through the wreckage. The ruins of Star Destroyer fleets decorated Exegol, evidence of the New Republic’s victory. And There was so much to loot! You chuckled. The Scorpion landed near a weird-looking throne. It was so dark that Isao landing the Scorpion was a miracle. 
“Well I see a very fun trip to Canto Bight in our future,” You said with a smile and ran out of the cockpit. It had been a while since you last visited the city and partook in the activities of wealthy individuals. You so desperately wanted to gamble and drink credits away, so you quickly strapped your belt on and grabbed a blaster before exiting the ship. Nori ran after you. 
“Canto Bight? I thought we were going to Jedha and see the remains of the Jedi temple there,” Nori expressed disappointment with your desire to return to Canto Bight. She had become obsessed with learning more about the Jedi after learning about your Force sensitivity. 
“Jedi Temples don’t have open bars,” You reminded your Twi’lek friend, “or casinos,” Nori sighed in frustration. “I’m just trying to be plastered and gamble,” You smiled. “No need to get ourselves involved in Jedi business,” 
You’ve known about your connection with the Force your entire life. You were a member of the Blazing Chain — an organization of nomadic raiders made up of Force Adepts that wandered Unknown Space. With no loyalty to the Sith or Jedi, the Blazing Chain simply utilized their Force abilities to make raids easier. Three wars occurred, and each time, for better or for worse, the Blazing Chain remained neutral. You had no intention in breaking that tradition. 
As you walked, you found a cube. The strong fog made it nearly impossible to see, but your foot gently kicked it. A faint blue glow radiated from the cube and you felt a compulsion to pick it up. You knelt down, and as your fingers touched the cube, a scene played back in your head. And then, a blinding white light. 
“Ahh, dank farrik!” You shouted and crawled away from the cube. Nori ran to your side. 
“What happened? Are you okay? Did it happen again?” Nori asked frantically. By ‘it’ she was referring to one of your ‘echo episodes’ in which an object gives you a memory by touching it. You were one of two adepts cursed with that ability from the Blazing Chain. It was referred to as a Force Echo. 
“I’m fine,” You groaned, feeling a sharp pain in your head. “That kriffin’ holocron was part of the battle here,” You informed Nori, crawling back to the cube. It wanted to be opened and only you could do it. 
“Whoa,” Nori marveled at the unique gold design on the cube. You held the cube in your palm of your hand and closed your eyes. Within seconds, the holocron levitated and opened. “That is so cool,” Nori muttered. 
A white ball of energy emerged from the holocron. You opened your eyes and a bright white light shined. You appeared possessed, and it terrified Nori. She screamed. You began muttering words in a language she couldn’t understand. 
The energy ball dispersed. The holocron closed and fell back onto your palm. 
“What the kriff was that?!” Nori exclaimed. You stood up, completely unfazed by the recent possession.  
"No clue,” You told your friend. 
A tall man dressed in black emerged from the fog. The light from the Scorpion beamed on the man. He was very pale and bloody. His black sweater bad a large hole and was absolutely filthy-looking. 
You would not be caught dead wearing that. 
“We don’t want any trouble, um, sir,” You attempted to de-escalate the interaction. The holocron must be worth thousands and there was enough on the Star Destroyers to share with the beaten-down man. 
“Do you know who I am?” The odd man asked. 
“Oh...um, no?” You replied. You looked to Nori. She shook her head.
“Where did you get that?” The man looked at the holocron in your palm. 
Immediately you tossed the cube to Nori, who put it inside her bag. “Get what?” You played dumb. “Do you need any help? A new outfit perhaps?” You asked him, looking at the large tear on the chest area of the sweater. 
His right hand reached for the hole in the sweater. His fingers touched his bear chest. He stared blankly at you, “I’m lost,” He felt a strange comfort when looking at you.
It was you that gave him life. 
“Well you are in luck!” You said with glee. “We are pirates and there isn’t anywhere we can’t go,” You informed the stranger. As a child you learned all the best traveling routes to bypass First Order and New Republic checkpoints. With the power struggle and chaos that followed the fall of the First Order there was no better time to be a pirate.
“Coruscant,” He replied rather quickly. With Alderaan destroyed, his mother would be buried at the capital. Coruscant had been in open rebellion against the First Order, and he was certain the New Republic would restore peace. 
Your smile dropped, “Coruscant? Why would you want to go there? Are you part of a gang?” You questioned and reached for your blaster. “Like I said, we don’t want any trouble,” You said cautiously. 
“What do you have in Coruscant?” Nori asked, aiming her blaster at his head. 
Truthfully, nothing. Kylo had nothing. 
“Where are you going?” He asked you, and your smile returned. 
“The Smuggler’s Moon,” You replied. 
Kylo remembered hearing Han mention Nar Shaddaa throughout his childhood. It was an entire world filled with pirates and outlaws. It was also the homeworld of the Hutts. Leia would threaten Ben with a visit to Nar Shaddaa when he would not behave. It terrified him as a child. 
“Got some people that might be interested in that glowing cube,” You mentioned. 
“You can’t sell that!” Kylo exclaimed. Both women took a step away from him, but they weren’t scared of him. They appeared rather annoyed with his outburst and demand. 
“First of all, I’m the captain, so watch your tone,” You pointed at him, unamused. “Second of all, I can sell whatever I want,” 
“That cube is an ancient Jedi artifact,” Kylo informed you. 
“Oh, well in that case,” You smiled. Kylo smiled too then, believing he had convinced you to keep the very thing you used to bring him from the dead. “I know just the Hutt to sell this to,” 
His smile dropped instantly. 
“Are you a Jedi?” Nori questioned. 
Was he a Jedi? Ben had been a padawan when Snoke tainted his mind. He spent more years of his life as a pawn for the Sith than he did as his uncle’s student. He blankly stared at Nori before his attention returned to you. 
“Doesn’t matter,” You answered the question for him. He was beyond grateful for your reply. “The cube is getting sold, and you, my friend, have three options,” Ben knitted his brows and slightly tilted his head in confusion. “You can remain lost on this hellish planet, I sell you, or you can join my crew,” 
“Why?” Kylo asked. Kindness was not virtue he experienced often. There had always been strings attached to the kindness of others. Snoke disguised his actions as a way of helping Ben. Oh, how stupid the mind of a child is. 
You had already done more than you knew — you brought him back to the land of the living, unknowingly it would seem. Offering him a spot on your crew was you giving him a chance to truly live. Joining your crew would also give him a chance to figure out how you gave him life.
“Tall, broad-shoulders beast like you, figure I could sell ya for some pretty New Republic credits,” You smiled, taunting Kylo.
“Isao said to hurry up or he’s going to leave without you,” A B1-series battle droid exited from your ship. The droid was in pristine shape, despite its mismatched torso and right arm. "I don’t know if he was being serious,” The droid added. 
Nori walked toward, “I’ll hold him off,” Both she and the droid boarded the ship. “And I’ll adjust your sarcasm setting,” Nori smiled at the droid. 
“So, what d’ya say?” You asked him. “Roger could use help cooking and cleaning,” You laughed as the words left your lips. You were filled with genuine happiness. Kylo could feel it, and it was intoxicating. 
He gave you a simple nod, “I will join your crew,” 
“Great, do you like Canto Bight?” You asked and began walking toward the ship. Kylo was hesitant to follow you. You felt his hesitancy and stopped walking to face him. 
Kylo studied you for a brief moment. Nothing about you screamed danger, but he was almost certain your hands were drenched in blood. “I’ve never been to Canto Bight,” He replied and took steps towards you. There was so much Ben had yet to see. So much of the galaxy still left to explore, and somehow, you blessed him with the breath of life. 
“Oh, you are in for a treat, big guy,” You stated, more than happy to show off your favorite vacation destination. “But first we are gonna need to buy you some clothes,” You said and boarded the ship. Kylo followed after you, and the scent of burnt cookies touched his nose. 
“Sorry!” Roger apologized, attempting to get rid of the smoke by frantically waving his arms.
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calpops · 4 years
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second chance | c.h.
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A second chance at a question brings you and Calum to a beachside sunset with waves and flowers in your sights and forever in your hearts.
1.4k words
dates with cal masterlist
Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format (translations included).
<< >>
Calum peers out to the sea, his hand in yours and the sun setting just as he had pictured it. The sky is aglow with deep purple and red, the sun a flame lowering along the horizon of the waves. He already has his answer to a question he had been preparing for weeks, but your finger is bare and your hand squeezes his when he sighs. The previous night had been a disaster but it ended with certainty and quelled anxieties and fears. Morning brought new beginnings and a promise to try again. Afternoon saw you to the coast where Calum’s plans laid. You walked the shore line hand in hand and collected shells and sea glass that came in with the tide. You ran through the waves shin deep and let out laughs that collide with the sunset.
“Are you ready for dinner?” Calum asks and feels nerves come to life in a surging storm inside him. He doesn’t know why he’s nervous, he’s already asked you to marry him and you’ve already said yes, but the difference sits in a velvet box inside his pocket. Opal harbors extra promises and notions of forever. A ring is more permanent than a word.
“Yes,” you respond and turn with hands still held so you can better look at Calum.
The legs of his pants are rolled up but the ends are still wet from the waves. His shirt is unbottoned midway down his chest and his sleeves are rolled up as well. He had dressed to impress but playing in the ocean was too tempting to keep yourselves together. Your own clothes were soaked and rumpled but neither of you mind the messes. You walk past the pier and towards the town that lines the coast. A small restaurant with seating outside has a reservation waiting for you. The wind blows and candles on the table flicker around as you settle into your seats. You can hear the crash of the waves just as well as you can see them.
You sit beside each other with chairs angled towards the sea. It’s become a habit to sit next to each other instead of across from one another. Sharing plates and having an arm around each other is much easier this way. Calum scoots closer to you, the inches of distance between your chairs too much for his arm to secure around your shoulders and your head to rest against him as you wait for your orders.
“I’ve missed you,” Calum admits and knows it’s of his own doing in his attempt to get this moment right. “Have you had a good day?”
You nod against his shoulder and breathe in the familiar scent of him that hadn’t been around often enough for your liking. He plants a kiss to the top of your head and lets his fingers gently trail from your neck to your shoulder and down your arm where goose bumps raise against his touch and the wind. He says he’d offer his jacket but it too is wet and cold.
You laugh, already fond of the memories created on the beach. You just now notice your favorite flowers sit in the middle of the table and petals are scattered around your feet. You realize last night was all for naught and guilt builds in your chest as you gaze at Calum who has nothing but love in his eyes and motions and plans he worked so hard on.
“I’m sorry,” you say around a thick lump in your throat and Calum hones in on tears yet to have fallen. He’s pulling you even closer to him though that doesn’t seem possible. “I should’ve just asked you what was going on. I didn’t mean to ruin today.”
“No, no,” Calum quickly defends and tries to set your anxieties at ease. A breeze swirls around you and petals float through the air. They bring images of an aisle scattered with petals and a bouquet to be thrown. You’ve already said yes but the circumstances weren’t ideal—you feel you’ve ruined it. “It’s not on you to get inside my head or make me open up. I wanted it to be a surprise so bad I couldn’t talk to you at all. You don’t know how many times I nearly popped the question in the kitchen or while you were sleeping. I think I might have even asked in whispers while you were asleep.”
You smile and feel yourself go flush and warm and rejoice in wildfires that still seem to cut through your being at simple words from Calum. You bite your lip and find some ease from his explanation and denial.
“So, today isn’t ruined?” You wonder; you know it hasn’t been ruined for you, you’ve enjoyed every minute with Calum and have waited patiently, curiously, for whenever he’ll ask you again, for when opal will rest on your finger and the notion of forever will be between you in more than just words.
“Of course not,” Calum soothes and the sound of the waves crashing to the shore help punctuate his words with meaning. “There’s no way any day spent with you could be ruined. It’s why I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”
Your heart leaps and your body buzzes with excitement at the statement. It’s familiar, was said last night in a lead up to a showing of the ring. If you weren’t tucked into Calum’s arms you’d be on the edge of your seat, waiting with bated breath and a thrumming heart beat. Instead you pull away from Calum’s hold just a bit, just enough to see his eyes and the way they shine with the sunset and collide with yours. Feel the way just his stare lights you up and his smile makes you smile back.
“I feel the same,” you say in a whisper and lean into his touch when his fingers gently rake through your hair. You let out a sigh. Wait and wait for him to say something, move from his seat to drop to one knee and ask a certain question you’ve already said yes to.
He does nothing but continue running his fingers through your hair. You don’t mind waiting but your heart is ready to say yes and make up for the night that went awry.. Your food comes and you wonder if he’s hidden it in the food like in so many movies but think better of it and choking. Dessert and wine are next and the ring still isn’t in sight. The sun is going down, the sky darkening into deeper purples and reds. He pays the bill and leads you away from the restaurant, back to the sand and the waves. Right in front of the sun as it starts to dip past the horizon. You start to wonder if he won’t ask tonight. If maybe he’s saving the ring for another time.
“Sweetheart,” he starts, voice low and meant for you and you only. “Would you…”
He trails off as he digs into his pocket and gets down on one knee a second time. The lid of the ring box pops open and a familiar opal collides with the dim light of the setting sun.
“Say yes, again, to spending forever with me? Marry me?”
“Yes,” you’re saying before you even realize. His words are a blur in front of you and so are the ring and the waves and the setting sun. Everything inside you hones in on Calum and doesn’t let go; once more you fall to your own knees to join him and wrap your arms around him. “Yes again. Yes now, yes tomorrow, yes forever.”
You feel his smile into the soft skin on your neck as he dips down to bury his face against you, to kiss you where it makes you grin and this time it’s even wider and brighter than usual, knowing that you have the rest of your lives to see and feel his smiles, to live your lives and chase a dream made of rings and white picket fences and wrinkled hands hold each other on a porch swing. A second chance at the same question was perfect.
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karajaynetoday · 4 years
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forever and always | calum hood
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I couldn’t find the original credit for this gif but possibly here? It’s a deactivated blog though if anyone has the proper credit please let me know!
I don’t know how or why, but I woke up this morning thinking about this concept and I had to get it written to make my peace with it, in a way. Shout out to @spicycal for reading through the draft for me, and sending love to anyone this resonates with. It’s a very emo Calum one-shot that includes pregnancy loss (if that’s not something you can read, feel free to give this one a miss), but I promise it has a happy ending. 
Word count: 2.8k
Warnings: mentions of pregnancy and pregnancy loss/stillbirth, and references to COVID-19 (the pandemic circumstances i.e. quarantine, not actually having the illness)
(This is a fem reader insert)
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Calum ducked his head down to meet your gaze, brown eyes swimming with concern.
You were sat together on the couch in Ashton’s living room, surrounded by a lighting set up, having a quiet moment while Andy and Ryan were setting up their cameras in front of you. 5SOS were preparing to release their next album, and to reflect on the past ten years’ of the band, they had decided to film a documentary alongside the album process. After much deliberation, KayKay, Sierra and Crystal had agreed to take part, because they were just as much a part of the band’s journey as the boys’ families were, and their support and influence on the music was obvious. For you, though, it was a little different. You and Calum had successfully hidden your relationship from the public eye for the last four years. It was some sort of miracle, honestly, especially given the last little while where you’d gotten careless and slipped up by holding hands and showing affection in public. If any fans or paps noticed, they never said anything, and it gave you and Calum a sense of relief that no one knew your name or true identity when you were spotted with him or the rest of the band family in public.
Relief, but you had to admit that it hurt a little too. You’d seen the hate and vitriol that the other guys’ partners had experienced, and you knew Calum was just trying to protect you from all of that, but every time someone made a joke about him being the only single one in interviews, or asked him what he looked for in a girl, or the fans ran away with relationship rumours whenever he was photographed within breathing distance of a potential love interest,  it made your chest feel tight. At the end of the day, though, Calum always came home to you, and that was what truly mattered.
To say that this was a big moment, publicly announcing your relationship with Calum, and revealing that you’d kept it hidden for years, was an understatement. But you knew it was important to both of you to finally share it with the world. Not just because you loved each other and wanted to show it, but because the events of the past year had broken and rebuilt you all over again. As individuals, as a couple, and even for the band as a whole. You knew that the hope you’d held, and the pain that tore you down, and the healing you’d been through came across in Calum’s contributions to the new album, so it felt right to sit down and use your own voice to convey your feelings about it all.
You broke out of your deep train of thought to nod in response to Calum’s question, and press a quick but reassuring kiss to his lips.
“I’m sure if you’re sure.” You whispered, as Calum threw his arm around your shoulders and squeezed to let you know he was in support of whatever you wanted to do.
“Okay guys, we’re ready if you’re all good to go?” Ryan spoke up from behind the camera, trying not to unsettle you two and the moment you were clearly having. A deep breath and a brief smile from you and Calum let Ryan know he could start recording, and Andy sat down out of frame and pulled his notebook of questions into his lap.
“So, shall we start from the beginning?”
Your heart swelled, as you began to remember.
--
Ashton had full on wingman-ed Calum when you first met them both at a bar downtown. He was dating KayKay at the time, so he’d made it his mission to find Cal a hot date, or a lover, or a lifelong companion (“Any of the above will do, as long as you’re not a shit person”, he’d told you as he tried to pitch Calum to you). The pitch had worked, and you’d joined them for a few drinks and rounds of pool, before exchanging numbers with Calum at the end of the night.
From there, it was coffee dates, and brunches, and then dinners and nights out on the town. Soon it became days or nights at each other’s houses, which became entire weekends, then it was trips away or secret visits to see Calum on tour, and before you knew it, you’d been dating for the better part of the last two years and Cal asked you to move in with him. He knew it was a sacrifice on your part, not only dating someone who was away for months at a time, let alone someone whose hand you couldn’t hold out in public for risk of being photographed, but you also knew that you and Calum loved each other more deeply than you’d ever loved before. You understood he’d be burned in the past with public or semi-public relationships, and seeing his band brothers go through them made him hesitant at best. By moving in together, you’d see each other more, and you’d also get to shower each other with the love and desire that was building more and more within your soul with every passing day.
--
“So that’s the story of how we met. Mate, honestly, I was head over heels from day one.” Calum laughed, kissing your forehead quickly.
“I’ve had the privilege of observing you two and your love for one another for a few years now, and I have to say it’s a beautiful thing. You just seem to know each other inside out, and I love that soulmate aspect of your relationship.” Andy mused, flashing you a warm smile.
“Now, in terms of influence on this upcoming album, I know the past 18 months have been a rollercoaster for us all, but you two especially have been through a lot. Do you feel comfortable talking us through that a little bit?” Andy was careful with his words, not wanting to upset you or make you uncomfortable.
You squeezed Calum’s knee, before swallowing thickly and thinking back to the time period Andy had mentioned.
--
When 2020 began, you held so much hope and excitement for the year ahead. Watching Calum and his brothers play the Firefight Australia concert was incredible, and you were so thrilled for them to be releasing their latest album that truly felt representative of the four individuals who had come together to craft it. But then the pandemic began, and you were ordered into quarantine. Each day felt heavier somehow, with more sad stories on the news, and more frustration building up amongst your loved ones. It broke your heart to see Calum and the boys not able to release the album in the way they’d originally hoped, but Cal himself was both an optimist and a realist, and constantly reiterated that it felt like the right time to release it anyway, because maybe it would bring a bit of joy and serenity to people that needed that in their lives amongst all the chaos.
You’d quickly fallen into the routine of home isolation, waking early to get your work hours done, so you could spend your afternoons with Calum and Duke by the pool, or hiking a nearby trail, or bingeing Netflix on the couch. It was strange to have so much time together, but it was also so warm and comforting that it didn’t take you long to get anxious at the idea of Calum ever leaving again for tour or promo. That was a while away, though, so you tried your best to make the most of the time you had, and take it one day at a time.
You couldn’t remember the first day you woke up feeling nauseous. Sometime in June, you supposed. A few days of vomiting and fatigue that made you feel like you’d been hit by a bus, and you had a telehealth appointment with your doctor to try and figure out what was going on. Given your symptoms, they’d asked you in for tests right away. A week or so later, you were back sitting in the doctor’s office awaiting the results, extra nervous because the COVID-19 restrictions meant that Calum couldn’t come in with you. You’d thought about FaceTiming him into the appointment, but there was something in the back of your mind telling you that you wanted to have a moment to yourself to process the news, whatever it was going to be.
When your doctor looked at you with a smile and told you that you were pregnant, all you could do was gape back at her in shock. It shouldn’t have come entirely as a surprise; you and Calum had spoken a few times about the vision you had for your future, and the uncertainty and restlessness that quarantine had given you made foregoing protection seem right, somehow (lovesick logic, or something like that). But it happening so quickly was unexpected. Your shock was soon replaced with tears of happiness, and you were already bursting at the seams to get home and tell Calum the news.
He was speechless at first, too, but then again Calum always was a man of few words. You’d kept it to yourselves for a little while, only discussing it in quiet whispers, or soft touches onto your non-existent bump, or sending links of cute baby things to one another via WhatsApp message. A few weeks later, you had your first scan, and this time Calum was allowed in the room. You could see his eyes light up when he heard the strong heartbeat on the monitor, and later he’d tell you how he immediately wanted to voicenote it on his phone to listen to while he was away on tour, or even mix it into a song.
Seeing that tiny blob on the screen and hearing the heartbeat honestly made your entire year, and from then on you couldn’t resist sharing your happiness with others. Video calls with yours and Calum’s parents, more happy tears and cheering from the soon-to-be first time grandparents.
The restrictions in California had eased a little, so you invited Ashton, Luke, Michael and their respective partners over for dinner one night. You’d prepared some cute greeting cards, one for each couple, thanking them for all of their support over the years with helping to protect your privacy with Calum, and slipped a copy of the baby scan with “see you in February” written on the back inside the card. Once everyone was settled onto the couches in the living room, waiting for dinner to be ready, you handed them out and sat down in Calum’s lap, taking a sip of your drink to try and hide the excitement on your face.
It was so amusing to observe the reactions that were representative of each couple. Michael and Crystal gasped and cheered, immediately pulling you and Calum into tight hugs. Ashton and KayKay were more reserved, but whispers of love and encouragement and happiness into your ears were so lovely and cherished. The tears in Sierra’s eyes, and the comfort of Luke’s squeeze of his arms around your waist said more than they could ever put into words.
The emotional celebrations soon turned into teasing jibes, and Ashton’s pitch for a new line of 5SOS baby merch. (“Come on guys, a baby-sized bucket hat? Tiny hoodies? Wildflower plush toys? A lullabies album? I’m telling you, there’s a whole WORLD of opportunity for us opening up right now!”), and you couldn’t help but feel both overjoyed and overwhelmed at how much this little baby was going to be surrounded with love and support for every day of their life.
The months carried on, and your once invisible baby bump grew and grew. You and Calum cleared out a spare room for the nursery, and got lost in furniture shopping and paint swatches and reading every parenting book you could get your hands on. There were doctors appointments, and birthing classes; lists of potential baby names on the fridge, and consulting your dog trainer on how best to introduce old man Duke to the idea of a new arrival.
As December approached, and you started getting into the festive spirit, Calum began returning to the studio as he and the guys toyed with some potential new directions for the next album. All of them had studios built into their homes, so they could meet and work together in relative safety, which was reassuring. You were standing over the kitchen sink one day, rinsing out the pan you’d used to make eggs for breakfast, when a searing pain in your abdomen had you groaning in discomfort and gripping onto the kitchen counter for dear life. The pain eased momentarily, and then came back stronger, and you managed to grab your phone from the counter and dial Calum’s number frantically as you gasped for breath.
The next few hours were a blur; Calum raced home to find you curled up in pain on the kitchen floor, Ashton and the paramedics were quick to follow him inside. They put you in an ambulance and took you straight to the hospital; you and Calum were gripping each other’s hand so tightly that your knuckles were white with stress.
The doctors determined you were in pre-term labour, and soon enough you were in a delivery room panting and pushing and crying out to Calum for comfort. It was all so terrifying and overwhelming but he was doing his best to ground you, brushing his fingers through your hair and holding your hand and whispering sweet nothings into your ear. When you finally delivered the baby, a hush fell over the room, and you could tell from the look on the faces of your doctor and nurses that something wasn’t right. 
The silence continued, and your heart broke when you realised that the baby hadn’t started to cry like you’d expected. The nurses had moved the infant over to another station, suctioning their airway and connecting them up to all manner of tubes and wires, but after a few moments your doctor told you the news. It was a baby girl, but her heartbeat wasn’t there. She’d come into the world and gone out again, just like that.
--
“I know a lot of people struggle to talk about stillbirths, and losing children, and it’s such a deeply personal thing so I get it. But it’s also grief, and loss, and emotions that you feel whenever you lose anyone you love. If there’s one thing I wish we could do more, as people in general, it’s discuss how we feel, and normalise having emotions, because it brings you closer and makes you feel less alone.” You spoke softly, blinking away the tears that had started to well in your eyes.
Andy nodded gently at you, before a quiet “Cal?” with an encouraging flick of his head.
Calum cleared his throat and glanced over at you before speaking. 
“I think that’s a huge part of why we wanted to be here today and talk about not only our relationship but losing Matilda in particular. It’s a sensitive topic, I know, especially for men, but holding back and bottling up your emotions isn’t good for anyone. Without her support in getting me to open up, or having the boys to listen to me cry and help me get some of my feelings out, in words and on this album, I don’t think I’d be in as good a place as I am now. It’s dark to think about, but important not to ignore, I think.”
“You’re so right, Cal. And Matilda is always going to be a part of our story, and we’re never going to forget how much we loved her and how much closer together she brought us,” You began, pausing briefly to squeeze Calum’s hand that had settled on your swollen stomach, “And when our little rainbow baby arrives in the next few weeks, I can’t wait to tell them about their sister, and how much she would’ve loved to meet them, but now she’s watching over them instead.”
“Exactly. We’re always going to have had Matilda, and then this little one, and however many others we decide to try and bring into the world. But it’s the love that builds you and the loss that breaks you that makes us who we are. Forever and always.” Calum’s voice was emotional, but also firm and calm, as he looked down at you and kissed you intently, his hand never leaving its spot on your bump, where your little rainbow baby was kickly softly at the sound of his voice.
“Forever and always.” You agreed, inhaling deeply and feeling a sense of deep peace and content wash over you.
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ahsoka-lives · 4 years
Text
Apprentice
SUMMARY/ AN: INQUISITOR CAL SOULMATE AU The first words your soulmate says to you appears on your wrist after they’re spoken. Reader is almost in Cal’s position except the backstory is different(you’ll see what I mean and reminds me of Rey a bit). I’m sure you’ve all read a fic that started with the Bracca scene so I tried to change it up. Gif is by @ciricinnamonroll​ and it’s sos os goood. Please lmk what you guys think!! 
WARNINGS: A bit violent and a little sad
WORD COUNT: 1594
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   The weather on Bracca was as cheerful as ever. Grey and dark blue clouds were scattered across the sky as the rain carried on into the night. You were exhausted, no beyond exhausted. If you were to spend one more minute on top of that frigate you would have fallen asleep up there.
You’d been a scrapper for as long as you could remember, Bracca was all you’ve ever known. The woman who raised you claimed that you just appeared on her doorstep in a small wooden basket, barely a few months old. She took you in and raised you as if she was your mother but she was already old when you arrived. She passed away when you were young, leaving you to learn the ways of the junkyard planet by yourself. You were eternally grateful for the time you had with her but there was part of you that ached for that feeling of belonging again, for a family. Everyday alone here was the same; Wake up, go to work, take the train back to the husk of an Imperial Walker that you called home, and do it again the next day.
One day, you told yourself, one day you would meet your soulmate and then you would get to have that feeling. You dreamed of the day you would look down and see the first words of your true love on your skin. You knew only a handful of people who had theirs and the envy you felt was unparalleled. 
Suddenly the train began slowing down but it was way too soon for it to be your stop. The calm chatter of the train transformed into hushed gasps and you could almost feel the tensions rise. You jumped to your feet and looked toward the commotion at the front of the train car. 
“Imperial troopers!” A small boy who couldn’t be older than 15 yelled from against the window. 
“Troopers are stopping the train?” You mutter aloud to yourself. This was unusual, sure troopers were just about everywhere nowadays but they almost never did random stops. 
The train finally came to a full stop and the doors to hissed open. The sound of the rain pattering onto the ground could be heard from inside. Two troopers walked onto the train and side-by-side inspected the car while ordering identification papers from everyone on board. This was also unusual, your stomach began to churn with anxiety. What was going on?
“Everybody outside now!” A trooper ordered with the usual lifeless tone. Within seconds all of the passengers filed out onto the muddy Bracca terrain. You pulled the hood of your poncho over your head in an attempt to protect yourself from the onslaught of rain. 
Standing side by side perfectly still were two Imperial Inquisitors. You recognized them from a propaganda poster that the Empire used to trick young boys into willingly enlisting but you weren’t sure of their purpose. Living out here kept you hidden from a lot of the Empire’s atrocities and you considered yourself lucky. As you were pushed toward the Inquisitors by the wall of troopers that formed behind you, you fixed your gaze to the mud that caked your boots. 
“We are here today because we received word that one of you may be a traitor to the Empire.” A bitter voice called from behind her winged helmet. “It would seem that one of you is a Jedi.” 
Her words sparked visible confusion from the group and everyone began exchanging worried glances between one another. A Jedi? Aren’t those extinct? 
“If this traitor doesn’t come forward and reveal themselves, all of you will be executed. Show yourself, or we will spill all of your blood!” She shouted angrily and the sound of blasters being aimed could be heard from behind you. Mere moments passed before she sighed in mock disappointment. “Very well, open fire.”
“Wait! Stop!” The young boy from earlier shouted from his place next to you and stepped forward, arms raised above his head in submission. Shock ran through the line of your peers at the events unfolding in front of you. 
“Kestis, time to play your part in this.” The woman commanded and stepped away from the other Inquisitor. 
The second Inquisitor reached to his hip and grabbed a small piece of equipment. In one fluid motion the Inquisitor released it from its clasp and brought two fiery red blades to life. You let a loud gasp slip past your mouth and terror flooded throughout your body. The man called Kestis stalked toward the boy like a predatory animal and that he was. The boy was backing away with fear written all over his face and your heart was racing. Rapid eyes moved from the Inquisitor to the boy and you couldn’t help but think they had to be mistaken. This little boy couldn’t possibly be that much of a threat. 
“Kestis, he has to prove himself first.” The woman growled from behind him, clearly aggravated. 
“Fine, we’ll do this your way.” The deep voice of the man just a few feet in front of you sent chills down your spine. He deactivated his weapon and placed it back at his side before extending a menacing hand to the boy. When the boy hesitated his wrist was grabbed harshly and pulled into Kestis’s arms. He kicked against the Inquisitors hold and grunted useless “get off”s and “let go”s, your heart ached for him. There has to be something I can do.
Before you knew it he had dragged the boy to the cliff side and the Inquisitor hoisted the boy up by his collar and held him over the edge with ease. 
“If he lives, he’s a Jedi and I get to kill him myself. If he dies then we kill them all.” His voice was riddled with irritation, Kestis clearly didn’t like to be told what to do. The Inquisitor gave the line of bystanders one last glance before turning back to the child. “So long, Jedi.” 
The gloved hand left his collar. Screams left the strained throats of those around you and the rain seemed to quiet itself to allow the sound to echo louder. Your hand shot out helplessly as if to grab the boy and a scream of your own left your throat raw. The next few seconds defied all of what you thought possible
It was as if the air obeyed the profound “NO” that you screamed and halted the movements of the plummeting child. He floated over the edge of the cliff for just a moment before your reflexes pulled your hand back to your chest. While the words “What did I do” rattled around in your brain, you cradled the hand that acted on its own and the boy fell. His screams were heard only for a moment as he fell from earshot. 
“So, it wasn’t the boy.” The woman hummed curiously as the two Inquisitors turned toward you. Tears pricked your eyes and mixed with the rain against your cheeks as guilt filled your consciousness. “You don’t even know what just happened, do you?” 
You were panting and staring at the rogue hand, barely paying any mind to the Inquisitors ahead of you. They paused unsure of what was to be done with you. The Inquisitors seemed to be arguing over the issue but you really didn’t care, your mind was still reeling at what just happened around you, to you, and to that poor boy. 
“We can’t just leave her here, Kestis.” 
“We shouldn’t kill her either, she doesn’t even know what she is.” Kestis bit back in a hushed but aggressive tone and stared down the woman in front of him. 
“Do what you want, I’m done here. Troopers, they’re free to go.” The Inquisitor snapped and turned on her heel to leave. You were finally pulled from your trance at the damning sound of his boots stomping over to you. 
Your eyes snapped up and your instincts kick in once again making your feet start to step away from him. The man let out a low growl and grabbed your wrist pulling you to him while he simultaneously brought his masked face to sit in front of yours. From this close you could hear the heavy breaths that left his modulator.
“You’re with me now.” He gritted and within seconds a burning sensation tore into your skin making you scream out in pain. “Oh come on, I barely touched you.” 
You yanked your wrist from his grasp and looked at him appalled. Thankfully, the burning quickly subsided and you blinked away the tears to let your eyes focus on the words forming in your skin. 
Oh my gods, this is it? 
“You’re who I’ve been waiting for?” Your unnerved state was evident in your tone. Kestis hissed and pressed his hand over his wrist as the words you spoke burned into him. He hurriedly ripped his glove off and pulled up the sleeve on his uniform as if they were the cause of his pain. The cold rains of Bracca fell onto the newly revealed skin and soothed his skin.
“What an interesting turn of events.” He chuckled as he read the words over and over again. He was surprised to say the least. “You’re really stuck with me now, hun.” 
He pulled his glove back on and laughed once again, he couldn’t believe his luck. His soulmate and a new apprentice all in one.
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that-sw-writer · 4 years
Note
oooh yas! #16 and 20 for Kylo pwease 😗✌🏻
16: “Are you flirting with me?”  “You finally noticed.”
20: “Shut up and kiss me.”
Word count: 1630
Warnings: Kylo Ren cannot flirt... like, at all.  He’s awkward as shit.
Notes: The song Sugaan Essena comes from the Jedi: Fallen Order video game (the one Cal listens to on Bracca/plays in the Haxion Brood fighting pit).  It kinda slaps so give it a listen if you’re interested.
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“Are you flirting with me?”
It had started a few weeks ago, and at first you had thought nothing of it - but now you were convinced that Commander Ren was following you.
Everywhere you went he would conveniently pop up, and you were just a mechanic, what interest could be possibly have in you?
One day you had been under a TIE Fighter, making minor repairs and when someone cleared their throat you pushed yourself out, only to be met with Kylo Ren towering over you.  You had sat up, reaching for a cloth to wipe the grease off your hands.
"Sir?  Did you need something?"  You asked.
You weren't particularly afraid of Ren in the same way a majority of officers were, after all what did you have to be scared of?  You were a mechanic who really had nothing to do with him, therefore he had no reason to take any of his anger out on you.  Or maybe you were just more level headed than a majority of the other officers, you just didn't understand what made him so scary.
"I-Uh... nothing."  He said before turning tail and storming off.
You furrowed your brow, more confused than anything, but you had been quick to shake it off and get back to your work.
Another day he had approached you outside the mess hall, but just as he had opened his mouth to say something to you, he had closed it and kept walking.
These sorts of interactions were becoming strangely common in your everyday routine.  But you weren't necessarily complaining, since Kylo Ren had stopped wearing his mask it had become a lot easier to address him when you could see his face.  He was undeniably handsome, you and your fellow mechanics had had a pool going about his appearance and you were actually glad you had lost - your bet had been that he had a horribly scarred and disfigured face.  But he only had one scar, it split across his face from his forehead to down below his clothing.  Somehow it added to his appearance, you quite liked the rugged look.
Today you were working on Ren's Silencer, although compared to TIE Fighters it was more than a routine fix.  The whole ship was so trashed you were tempted to write it off and send message to High Command that Ren would need a new ship, but you elected against that, after all you loved a challenge.
You had your headphones in, listening to 'Sugaan Essena.'  It was an old song, one popular right at the beginning of the Empire's reign, but it was a great song to work to.  Perhaps your music was a bit too loud, but you hadn't heard someone approaching and presumably trying to get your attention.
When you felt the mechanic's creeper you were lying on be pulled out from under the Silencer you were startled, and managed to hit your head on the way out.
"Ow!"  You complained.
Groaning you pulled out your headphones and were rubbing the spot on your head that was probably going to bruise slightly.
You were met by Kylo Ren's face, looking incredibly guilty and slightly red with embarrassment.
"Yes Sir?"  You grumbled, not overly happy with the abrasive interruption.
"Are you okay?"  He sheepishly asked, and you nodded.
"I've done worse."  You tried to lighten the mood, but his face didn't move an inch.  In fact, he just fell silent.
"You're not wearing regulation uniform."  He pointed out, and you raised an eyebrow, had he really interrupted you for that?  You never wore your uniform properly.
Your regulation jumpsuit was usually tied around your waist, and you just wore a tight, black long sleeved top underneath.  It was more comfortable that way, even though that wasn't strictly how it was supposed to be worn.
"Sorry Commander."  Your tone was rather dry as you began to undo the sleeves which were knotted together around your waist, but he interjected.
"No, I didn't mean-"  He spluttered and you paused to look at him, utterly confused, "I-it looks good, I mean.  You look good."  He commented, before once again turning tail to stomp away.
He didn't even give you a chance to respond, but you definitely put that one up at the top of your list of 'weird interactions with Commander Ren.'  You still couldn't believe that there was a list - you were so oblivious you found yourself constantly wondering what his problem with you was.
A few days went by without any weird interactions, but you did notice Ren lurking in your peripheral vision multiple times.  He never approached, which made it even weirder.
Finally you reached your limit with Commander Ren following you around when you were working on his Silencer for your third shift in a row and somehow every day you seemed to be fixing the cooling system.  You were a good mechanic - no, you were a great mechanic, and there was no way something as simple as the cooling system was continuously breaking on a daily basis.
"Boss, can you get Commander Ren down here?"  You called to your supervisor, who looked at you, confused.
"Are you serious Y/N?  Why would you want him down here?"  He replied to you.
"Because I have a theory that he's purposely sabotaging this kriffing cooling system."  You shrugged.  It made sense after all, he seemed to be the one finding every excuse to be near you.  Now maybe he was trying to keep you working on his ship.
"Are you seriously asking me to summon the Commander Kylo Ren down here so you can accuse him of something?  You must have a death wish."  He laughed dryly, and you rolled your eyes.
"He's really not as terrifying as you make out."  You shrugged.
"Not terrifying?  Y/N I saw him use that glow stick of his to rip apart an entire computer console the other day - gives me the shivers just thinking 'bout it.  But if you want him down here, that's on you."  He snorted, turning away to go and request the Commander's presence.
You shook your head in disbelief at the fear a grown man had for... well, just another man, and rolled yourself back beneath the Silencer to fix this cooling system for what had better be the last time.
A few minutes later someone cleared their throat and you pushed yourself out to be greeted once again by Kylo Ren.  You definitely hadn't expected him to arrive so quickly, although you were just glad this time he hadn't opted to pull you out from underneath the ship himself.
"What seems to be the problem?"  He asked, and you narrowed your eyes at him, suspicious.
"Sir, I think you already know what the problem is."  You challenged him.
"I was told it's the cooling system."  He casually said, and you could tell he was shifting slightly, clearly trying not to run from the conversations like he always did.
"The cooling system which has broken three times."  You weren't afraid of him, honestly he didn't look like he could hurt a fly the way he seemed so awkward around you.  Although really you knew that wasn't true.
"Oh- I-uh, I wonder why that it.  Maybe it needs replacing altogether."  He suggested.
"That would be a long job for something that should be a quick fix."  You pointed out.  You weren't stupid, you knew Kylo Ren knew his way around a ship, he was a skilled pilot, he definitely knew a lot of the mechanics behind it.
"I'm sure you can handle that.  You're a very-" He cleared his throat, "A very skilled mechanic."  His comment confirmed your suspicions, and a smirk began to tug at the corner of your lips.
"Sir, are you flirting with me?" You finally asked the question which had been plaguing your mind.  The following you around, making awkward comments, it all just added up.
A look of relief crossed his face, and his posture relaxed, "you finally noticed." He said.
You wondered what he saw in you, after all you were just a mechanic, not some general or war hero.  Even with your hair swept up into a ponytail and grease marks all over of your face from a day's work he was somehow interested in you.
"I can't say you're a natural, Commander."  You tried to tease him to break the ice, and when he actually smiled at you you realised that he knew you weren't afraid of him.  You were probably the only person on base who didn't live in fear of him, and perhaps that's what he liked.
"I haven't had a lot of practise."  He sheepishly said, and you stood up, as usual using a cloth to wipe off your hands and face.
"I've seen worse."  You reassured him, with a small chuckle.  In truth you hadn't seen much worse, you hadn't actually had many people flirt with you at all actually.  This was the First Order not a cantina bar in the outer rim.
You walked on board the Silencer, away from prying eyes, and he got the hint and followed you.
"I'm sorry if I was too forward, or made you uncomfortable.  I just- I didn't know how to get your attention, and I thought I was being subtle but then there was the time I accidentally hit your head and-"  He was rambling and you cut him off by boldly placing a finger to his lips.
"With all due respect Commander, you could just shut up and kiss me."  You suggested, and this time he didn't hesitate.
His lips met yours in a passionate embrace and you pulled yourself towards him by wrapping your arms around his shoulders.  For all he lacked in flirting skills, he made up for with this kiss.
Turns out his flirting must have somewhat done the trick, because that wasn't the last time Kylo Ren kissed you and it wasn't long before he saw you promoted to Chief Mechanic.
Only the best for the woman he loved.
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