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#I just had this shit in my head all day
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Foolish lamb, I’m fucking baaling
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rithmeres · 5 months
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bait / hook / line / sinker
#the hunger games#finnick odair#thg#the hunger games fanart#this was a very very weird painting for me.#like i have painted decapitated heads and severed arms and shattered ribs and guts falling out and gallons of blood#and not once have i ever looked up from my work and been disgusted or disturbed by what i’ve painted#but the first day i was working on this one i looked at it and just felt so sick i had to get up and take a shower to get away from it#HE WAS 14 WTF WTF WTF WTF#that is a baby. that is a little kid. turned into a killer and paraded around like a novelty and used like a toy.#but on the whole i am very satisfied with this propaganda piece it's just as beautiful and unsettling as i wanted it to be#ugh my mind. nothing in the composition is overt but all the implications are there#not just the capitol's sexualization and brutalization of children but the fetishization of the districts' labor as well#as my good friend and mutual theworldiswhispering said.#'the hard labor you do is not safe from being romanticized by the people who benefit from it at your expense'#and i think about that every day#wherefore art thou#thg reread#why he so smooth.. just like a shark#[katniss voice] mfs took all my body hair cant have shit in the capitol#i just know tumblr's gonna crunch the quality of these images but i worked on a canvas 4 times larger than the usual size#so a lot of the detail gets lost when i post it. oh well. click for quality i guess#his expression changes when you're far away#far away he looks kind of vacant#close up he's smiling. like the photographer wanted a specific cocky emotion from him and it was there#but when you zoom out there's just a thousand yard stare#i did think about turning these into prints or actual posters but um. i don't think i should do that
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cozylittleartblog · 6 days
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my ACEN tip gimmick has been fulfilled, aaand i got a little carried away with it. I haven't had time to draw for myself (or at all, really??) in like two weeks, i needed to Doodle and Have Fun. ... also, i did not think he would get so many donuts. people understand the value of giving treats to fictional characters :) its what he deserves
also shoutout to snazzyskeletons who had the same Tip Theme i did. we took pictures with our tip jars together. they are adorable v
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i'm glad their vash got some donut money too :) 🍩 please check them out if you want some cute trigun stuff
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i can't believe there's still people out there who genuinely think Ochako would "kill Toga on sight" at this point
like, okay, there's the anime-only people who aren't aware of manga developments or are actively avoiding spoilers, and of course there's all the people who clearly stopped giving a shit ages ago (yet somehow still feel completely secure making blanket declarations about a franchise they no longer keep up with???)
but even then, and even if you're not a shipper or just don't like the characters-- how can anyone have ever believed that makes any sense ever? like we're not even talking self-defense apparently? just "on sight"? who do you think Ochako is, the Punisher in pink?
like i don't think i'm especially media literate myself, but-- how is it possible for people to be this bad at reading where a narrative is going?
because of course that's exactly what the Togachako plotline was leading up to, clearly the ultimate endpoint of developing Toga Himiko as a sympathetic villain important to Ochako's heroic actualization was a teenager unquestioningly enacting the extrajudicial murder of another teenager
that's exactly what MHA is all about, right? that's the sort of person Ochako is, the kind of hero that she wants to be? that's definitely good storytelling and not at all inane or grotesque? ugh
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poisonsword · 23 days
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Sophia, who had been trying to find the trio all-day:
The trio, trying to hide from Sophia after skipping classes:
(twin au)
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do you ever get an idea in your head and you can’t get it out unless you draw it. that’s what this is basically
also based on this scenario i came up with in a fit of Evilness
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tswwwit · 1 year
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I would love, even if its just its just brief summaries, to know the different thoughts going through bills head throughout the last smut. (mainly when he got the text and when dipper starts just blurting out thoughts and ideas bc i think those moments would be fun to see)
Imagine you're having the shittiest day at work. You're gritting your teeth and hanging onto it by your fingernails, knowing that eventually dealing with this absolutely idiotic, waffling, overstuffed, condescending dipshit of a client will be done with, you'll charge him out the nose for your services - which will probably be, like a hundred dollars, the way this is going! What bullshit. At least afterwards, you can collapse onto the bed and complain to your spouse about it. Which you have been doing, actually, waiting for a decent excuse to bail or check out early.
Then you get a text. And it's your partner saying they got you a brand new console, your favorite pizza - Oh! And a million bucks in untraceable cash - but you might have to kick your shitty client in the nuts so hard his eyes pop out. Does that sound... okay? No pressure or anything.
The reason Bill was a minute later than expected is because even he needed a moment. It was the sheer whiplash from going from Shit to Fucking Amazing.
#answers#Bill went from full on eeueuughhh about his day to practically having hearts floating around him#Perhaps literally depending on the magic situation in the place he was in#In my head Bill was 'hired' by a (shitty) villain and he got out of it by doing a quick betrayal and demanding to be cast out by the 'heros#“I Got THIS to get back to!! You think I wanna keep him waiting???”#He already hovers in his normal triangle form but this man was practically floating with delight heading back to Dipper#A graph of Bill's mood would start out super low then spike sharply at the pic#It then stays super high up with more spikes during all the shenanigans#After the smut they likely get cleaned up. Cuddle. And talk shit about idiots they've had to deal with#Bill Cipher has gone from doing his evil deeds and playing piano to an empty bedroom while raiding his own bar for distraction#To coming home to someone who'll listen to him bitch about his day and absolutely bicker with him about it#Calling him the worst thing in the universe. A scourge upon reality.#The most clever awful bastard. How *dare* he be handsome that's a crime -and frankly Dipper basically did it for him so he can't take credi#And sometimes even saying 'yeah you didn't *entirely* deserve to be screwed over that way. I could have done that *way* better.'#While Bill rests his head in his lap. Having someone listen to him ramble while he gets his hair played with. Lots of really good kisses#Warm. Close. Grossly domestic. But hey! Even *sex* can seem gross if you phrase it weird and *that's* a normal demonic pleasure#Sometimes fun things are just fuckin' FUN y'know?? Even if this one seems weird to other demons#It's. Nice. REALLY nice.#There's absolute no goddamn way he's going back to NOT having this#Even death won't pry it out of his greedy little mitts
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skrunksthatwunk · 1 month
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why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.
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#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance#i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines#and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone'#gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK#i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it#in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day#and it's still not done. GUHH#I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE.#MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING#THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head#going to work on it some more. fuckk#the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal#themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it#sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time.#i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l#go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow#so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff#i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum)#eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit)#i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh#why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)
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on the one hand listening to music while drawing is an easy solution to wanting uninterrupted background noise While I Draw however the downside is every time a new song starts theres a 50/50 chance that ill remember how i wanted to make an animatic/comic for it and ill scream inside
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moregraceful · 5 months
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accidentally invented a new form of no bedtime called 11pm glass of emergency-c + 4pm latte + 8pm cup of black tea + 9pm cup of black tea
#the real question is can i go to church on less than 5 hours of sleep and still function lol#i unlocked my instagram bc church wouldn't stop tagging me to direct people to me for stuff but that meant i had to delete a bunch of pho#tos AND rewrite a bunch of captions for photos i didn't WANT to delete bc i was too mean to random sharks prospects#which is fine if it is u know the anonymity of tumblr but not public instagram where my church won't stop FULL NAMING AND TAGGING ME#''anonymity of tumblr'' i doxx myself on here like 80 times a day in front of more people than i went to college with#anyway my point is i was going through deleting all evidence of politics pens fandom and legal documents and i was like damn#my attitude towards my team SUCKS. i gotta be way less of a hater!!!#what did my prospects ever do wrong besides everything NOTHING. the system is BROKEN. i am sorry i will be so much nicer guys :(#also if u really want to be humbled. scrolling back to 2012 on your instagram and re-experiencing senior year of college. BAD#i've deleted i think everything that would reasonably get our nonprofit status pulled but what a horrific journey it was#two full hockey intermission periods of deleting shit plus another hour at home doing several more passes and then rewriting captions#so that some poor 21 year old prospect randomly searching their name doesn't see me full ass call their teammate cringe#their teammate IS cringe. but i love him. but the nuances are lost on instagram people don't understand these things they take everything#at face value#don't know why i just assigned shakir mukhamadullin they/them pronouns#i think i need to go lie in bed with a blanket over my head until i suffocate#this ALWAYS happens i get too hype about mackenzie blackwood and start listening to selena gomez and then it's like almost 3am and i'm just#fresno oilers.txt#oh and. a friend sent me screenshots of the girl she's been flirting with on a dating app and they are SOOOOO cute#i hope they make a good run of it i really do bc it was SO cute. living vicariously through episcopalian lesbians as one does#but then i was trying to figure out how to edit my dating app profile to dissuade chasers but still honeytrap guys who are tall enough#or athletic enough to pick the tangerines at the top of the tangerine tree. bc i couldn't reach this week#but there were still like god maybe 150 tangerines on the tree. i was like this could be feeding people but i'm TOO SHORT#and my life will be like this. FOREVER#icb the future of this garden is so psychologically burdensome that i'm having to build it into a dating app profile lol#well now that i'd treated this entire tag set as twitter for and hour and a half#time to go try to lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and then wake up in [checks notes] four hours
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theokusgallery · 3 months
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The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first
#siiiiiiigh...#im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT#poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay#writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying#there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and#(starts crying)#he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless#(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course)#god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him#he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires#he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem#don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw.#but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything.#even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy#he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay.#that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does#it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish#my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before...#which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much.#(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course)#arsenic#rant#sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)
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angellurgy · 2 months
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#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK#CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING#NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT#ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you#too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much#CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after#TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE#FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT.#AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will#please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop#cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION#caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out#NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP.#I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE#LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice#FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT.#SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME#WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR.#NO OTHER CHOICE.
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sherlock-is-ace · 2 months
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#oh wow...#i just had an oh shit fuck moment#wow#i usually complain about the one therapist i had in my entire life and how she wouldn't just listen to what i was saying#if it didn't fit her textbook definition of whatever she was thinking at the time#and how i talked to her about my anxiety and how that made me feel and she would only focus on how i acted#so the example i gave her was the one time i went into a shop to buy something by myself#because my mom didn't want to go in for me and arguing with my mom in front of the shop in public and then inevitably have to#go in myself either way was way worse to me#because of the embarrassement of arguing in public. the fact that my mom was gonna spend the entire walk home telling me how i have to#''just suck it up and learn and just overcome my anxiety because i don't have a problem'' or whatever#and then having to go into the shop where the lady had been watching me from inside the entire time how i clearly didn't want to go in#and possibly be even more awkward with teary eyes because of the anxiety and awkwardness i already bring to the table any day...#all of those things that were going inside my head were trumped by the fact that i did go in and did buy what i needed#although my heart was coming out of my chest the entire time... all that didn't matter to my therapist because in her words:#''if you had anxiety. you simply wouldn't have gone in''#which is ridiculous#but anyways... i just had an epiphany... that was masking wasn't it?#forcing myself to do something that brings me major discomfort to make my mother and the shop lady not judge me?#pretend i'm a normal human being just doing normal things instead of someone who's about to have a heart attack buying embroidery thread?#panicking the entire time because i wasn't prepeared and hadn't scripted the entire transaction in my head?#yet still going in and putting on my ''normal person'' mask to try to seem like i wasn't just dying seconds ago (and still was)?#isn't that literally what masking is?!#and the ''autism specialist'' ass therapist was like ''if you did it then you don't have a problem''#when i'm literally telling her how much of a problem it actually WAS?!#you know what's the best part about all this#that when i told my mom after i left that therapist that she didn't listen to me because [insert everything above]#my mom's response was ''well sometimes therapist will say things that you don't want to hear but you have to accept them''....#same woman who's always saying how much she hates therapists because they ''will say whatever and pretend they know shit''#ok so it's only The Truth when I tell you it isn't...
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front-facing-pokemon · 11 months
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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09lover · 5 months
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my reaction after ()’s attempt to gaslight me for the uncountable time into trying to repair this broken relationship that they ruined
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sailor-aviator · 8 months
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#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point#i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one#i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit#and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair#and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again#i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl#and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it#and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill#and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with#and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own#i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person#and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks#also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me#and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now#and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do#and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this#but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me#and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end#anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down
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