#I haven't heard a single song from her new album either
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Champion of the World **^
Part 2 of Music Producer! Harry blurb as requested in the notes by @totodiamond :) I just did a proper one shot for it.
Warnings: Oral (f receiving), fingering, sex, mentions of death and loss, cheating.
WC: 9k
LAST WARNING... If you haven't read the BLURB first you can do so here.
The reception of Y/N’s band’s new album was expected to be pretty promising. Granted, their music wasn’t “mainstream”, but Harry had insisted that they have 2 singles on the album to get them more on the radar and well, it had worked. Their second single had a more indie-pop feel and swept the nation thanks to a TikTok posted by their label. Because of it’s popularity it really helped hype up the anticipation for their album release and it was projected to do really well. They were also projecting that the second single would be the “song of the summer”. And well, they would start to tour in August so they would be busy from August until next May.
The topic of tour seemed to be the most frequently asked question as she navigated through the room at the album’s launch party. This was their first headlining tour, they had opened on a few tours for several shows with their EP and first album, but this was the big one. Their self-titled album. Because this is how they made a name for themselves. It was a lot to take in and the more people asked the more overwhelmed Y/N felt. There were people everywhere and she was slowly starting to get anxious and she just needed a little break so she headed outside to catch some fresh air. When she got out there someone was smoking off to the side and the scent just called to her. She hadn’t smoked in years, but she was feeling nostalgic, so she went up to him and bummed a cigarette off of him before the man headed inside. She had just taken her first drag and it felt so familiar that she smiled to herself.
“Seriously?” She heard and immediately recognized the voice and turned to her right to see Harry walking over to her with a disbelieving smirk on his face. She was partially hidden behind a giant palm planter for this very reason, she didn’t want a scolding from anyone about her smoking. She knew cigarettes were gross and bad for you, but she was feeling nostalgic when the scent reached her nose and she gave in just this once.
“I know, I know…but I haven’t smoked in maybe 4 years, it’s just this once. Don’t narc me out to Richard.” She said to Harry of their manager as he stopped before her, still smirking.
“Gimme that.” He said extending his hand to her and she frowned.
“Fine. Just one more though.” She said to him and he laughed softly.
“Relax, I’m not gonna put it out. Nor will I narc you out.” He said to her lowly and she smiled at him as she passed it on over, “D’you mind?” He asked as he raised it to his mouth and she shook her head.
“Go for it.” She assured and he proceeded to put the filter between his lips and inhaled for a few seconds before letting the smoke flow out from between his slightly parted lips as he exhaled.
“Wow, I haven’t smoked in ages either.” He said to her with a smile, “It’s as awful and comforting as I remember.” He added and she chuckled.
“Yeah…” she agreed.
“I promised myself I’d never do that again…thanks.” He joked and she shrugged.
“I’m sorry for tempting you. I’ve heard that I tend to bring out the worst in people…” she apologized with a half smile on her face.
“No you don’t.” He shook his head, “You bring out the wild side in people, but it’s only because you’re so effortlessly cool and yourself. Like people want to impress you. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.” He said and she smiled.
“Is that what this was? You trying to impress me?” She teased him.
“No, I have some dignity.” He countered with a grin and she laughed loudly as he chuckled, “Nah, I saw you walk out in a bit of a rush and just wanted to make sure you were alright.” He explained, “So are you alright?”
“Yeah, it just got a little overstimulating in there. Too many lights and voices and questioned and smells…it was a lot.” She said and he hummed as he took another drag before handing the cigarette back and she immediately took a drag.
“Oh, the shitty parts of acquiring fame…”
“Yeah.” She giggled as the smoke billowed out of her mouth. He started at her lips for a few seconds as she glanced off somewhere else. Her lips were slightly swollen and looked so smooth and juicy from whatever product she had on them. He’d been dying to kiss her for months, but he didn’t want to start anything with her while they were actively involved in a professional relationship.
“Are you excited for the tour?” He asked after a few beats of silence. And she wasn’t annoyed when he asked about it, but maybe it’s because it was him.
“Yeah, we already start rehearsals next week! I think we need to re-work the setlist though…but we’ll see once we run the full show through.”
“Are you guys rehearsing here?”
“Yeah, we’ll stay in LA.” She confirmed, “What’s next for you?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve got a couple offers on the table for different gigs, just not sure what to choose.” He confessed and she hummed.
“Well which one has you most excited?” She asked and he bit his lip pensively.
“Ummm…I’ve been approached to compose for an indie film…” he said and she gasped in surprise.
“Oh? That’s so cool, Harry!”
“Yeah.” He smiled, “I haven’t really done any original compositions since…maybe grad school?” He said with a questioning expression, “So it’s not out of my skillset, but I’m definitely out of my depth and out of practice. I’m sure I’m rusty, but it’s something different than what I’ve been doing the last few years, you know? So it seems the most exciting and challenging.”
“Yeah. That’s really sick. What’s the storyline? If I can ask.” She said and he nodded.
“Yeah, ummm, it’s one of those dystopian love stories…so like the world’s gonna end in a few weeks and we’re all gonna die and it’s about like making peace with yourself and living in the moment, finding the beauty in the tragedy…that kind of thing. I really liked the script, it’s so realistic and well written. I’ve even considered going for one of the lead roles.” He said to her and she smiled.
“Oh? Acting too?”
“Yeah.” He chuckled timidly.
“Well aren’t you multitalented!” She smiled as he smiled bashfully, “Well, it sounds really cool, definitely sounds like something I’d watch. If only to hear your compositions.” She said and he smiled.
“Hey, if I say yes maybe you can sing on a track.” He suggested and she smiled.
“Yeah, I’d be down.” She assured as she flicked the ash off of her cigarette before taking another drag and exhaling, “Do you want another?”
“Yeah, last one.” He said and she chuckled as she passed it over to him. Once he took his drag he held it out to her.
“I’m good. You can kill it or…kill it.” She said and he smiled as he stepped over to the little ashtray over the garbage bin and extinguished what was left of the cigarette before stepping back over to her.
“So, should I keep myself open for your next album or has the illusion of having me produce your albums died?” He asked with a grin and Y/N laughed aloud at his question before biting down on her lip to suppress a smile.
“Ummm, I’d say keep yourself open…I think I need to give you a fair shot.”
“Oh… OK.” He smiled contently, “Good. I’ve got some really great ideas for some of the songs we cut from this album that can help kind of establish your sound for the next one.” He said.
“Geez…already? Everything moves so fast here.”
“You’re definitely not in Kansas anymore…” he smiled at her and she rolled her eyes playfully, “Don’t roll your eyes, you know you want to laugh.” He said to her and she finally did but shook her head.
“I’m not even from Kansas! I just went to school there!”
“Yeah, but the rest of your band is, and it was formed there, so whether you like it or not, you’re now from Kansas - well according to Wikipedia you are - so the joke works.” He said smugly.
“You wikipedia-ed me?”
“Well, I wiki-ed the band before I agreed to work with you guys. You’ve seriously never googled anything about me?” He asked her incredulously.
“Eh, kind of…I mean, I googled narcissistic personality disorder, to see if you met the criteria for it…” she said and he laughed loudly and she smirked, “When I realized that I was reaching, I googled your birthday and discovered you’re an Aquarius, and well…that explained a lot. Like how you’re so great at your job but also a control freak and kind of a dick.” She teased and he shook his head.
“I see how it is…” he hummed in mock offense and she reached out for his arm, her hand rested against his bicep.
“I don’t think that of you anymore, just to clarify. It was before when I was still mad at you. I’m sorry. You’re perfectly normal according to the DSM-5.” She assured giving him a small, reassuring squeeze and he grinned.
“Yeah, thank you for stating the obvious.” He chuckled as her hand started to slip away from him and he grabbed it in his, which made her look up into his eyes. Her heart rate starting speeding up as her eyes met his own before he glanced down at her hand, “This is nice.” He said to her as his thumb grazed over the sunburst ring on her middle finger. She looked down as well and felt her tummy flutter at his innocent, but very intimate gesture.
“Thank you. My sister gave it to me.” She replied, her hand still in his. He hadn’t made a move to let go and she hadn’t made a move to pull her hand away from his either, so their eyes met again as their hands came down, still connected by their middle fingers being hooked together. The tension and electricity buzzing between them was extremely obvious.
“It’s gonna be weird not seeing you guys every day.” He said to her and she smiled.
“Yeah…everyone’ll miss you, if that’s any consolation.” She said with a small smile and he smiled down at the ground and asked his question before he could talk himself out of it.
“What about you? Are you gonna miss me too?” He inquired before looking back into her eyes and she smiled bashfully.
“Gee, I don’t know…what do you think?” She asked playfully and he chuckled.
“I mean can you blame me for asking? Your messages and feelings towards me are kind of hard to read.” He said and she hummed as she bit her lip pensively and then glanced up to his eyes before placing her hands on chest and tiptoeing to graze her lips over his. Her eyes flickered up to his.
“Does this clear things up for you?” She asked with a soft smile and he smirked.
“Ummm, it’s still a little murky.” He teased.
“Oh yeah?” she responded quietly and he hummed teasingly, “Let me make it clearer then.” She whispered before pressing her lips to his. His hands immediately found their place at her waist as hers slithered up to loop around his neck. Their soft and playful kisses soon turned into languid and hungrier kisses as the seconds passed them by in their dark little hiding place.
Harry now had Y/N up against the wall with one hand around the back of her neck and the other against the wall as he sank his teeth into her bottom lip before sliding his tongue in against her own. Her beautiful, breathy moan made his ears perk up and ring. It was such a beautiful and sensual sound, he wanted to put it on a track; layer it in somewhere and commemorate it as the beautiful and artistic sound it was. Her index fingers were hooked into his trouser’s belt loops, keeping him as physically close as she could. She wanted to disappear into the night with him and see where they ended up. The tension between them had been building for months and well, they hadn’t seen each other in a few weeks after they finished production on the album, so she assumed that the tension would dissipate with time. But she was discovering that hadn’t affected her longing for him, not even a little bit.
“Do you wanna get out of here?” He asked her quietly, and admittedly with a smidge of uncertainty, as his nose skimmed down the length of hers in a delicate and playful gesture.
“Yeah.” She whispered and nodded her head in a double confirmation to him that she wanted to be alone with him.
“Alright.” He smiled against her mouth and she smiled as well before he grabbed her hand and pulled her around the building towards where he parked. He was given a spot right out back instead of having to valet, which would be a waste of precious time with her. So they hurried around to the back and they got inside and took off. He was in his classic, white Mercedes with the top down, so when they were leaving, they were inevitably papped. And as much as she tried to keep her head down to avoid being recognized as the woman in his car any comparison in outfit would easily prove that she had in fact left her own launch party with Harry, her producer.
“God, they’re everywhere!” Y/N griped as they finally got on the main street and were stopped at the traffic light.
“And there’s more.” He said to her as he cocked his head to the people who had followed them on the sidewalk up to the light and were snapping pictures of them in the car.
“Jesus.” She huffed.
“Wait, where’s your stuff?”
“Oh I didn’t bring anything with me, just myself.”
“Not even your wallet or phone?”
“No, I mean, food and drink were provided and every person that I would be texting was there tonight.”
“Richard forbid you from bringing your phone, didn’t he?” Harry asked with a smirk and she sighed.
“OK, yes, he did…he said something about me sulking in the corner all the time or whatever.”
“You do look very unapproachable when you’re on your phone. You’ve got this like…broody, angry face going on.” He said trying to mimic it and she laughed loudly before they took off as the light turned green.
“That’s not my angry face, if anyone should be familiar with my angry face it’s you.” She reminded and he chuckled, “S’my concentration face. Like sometimes I get ideas and I start writing them in my notes or other times I’m reading a book or an article and it’s like so loud that it takes extra willingness to concentrate.” She explained and he smiled at her.
“Well maybe don’t read at parties.” He suggested and she glanced at him incredulously.
“If I don’t read at parties how will I maintain my reputation as mysterious and elusive, Harry?” She asked jokingly and he grinned.
“You’re so annoying.” He muttered as she giggled beside him.
“So where are we going?” She finally asked and he turned to her.
“Ummm, wherever you want to go.” He shrugged and she hummed pensively.
“Take me to…a place that means a lot to you.” She said and he chuckled.
“Here?!” He asked and she nodded, “God...this is my home, tons of places mean a lot to me.” He chuckled as he thought about it, “OK, I’ve got it. Hang on!” He warned with a big smile as he sped up and just made it onto the 405-S ramp.
Y/N’s hair was whipping back with the wind as they sped down the freeway. He was blasting Rhiannon by Fleetwood Mac which made her feel like she was the main character because before he played it he said it was dedicated to her elusiveness and mysteriousness, which she appreciated. Soon he was signaling to get off on La Cienega and as they continued driving down the street she saw the giant Randy’s Donut donut and she gasped.
“You know, I’ve never actually been here before! Is this where we’re going?” She asked happily and he chuckled.
“It’s not, but we can stop if you want?”
“It’s alright.”
“You sounded so excited, like you wanted to stop. So I’m gonna stop.” He said as he started to slow down as they approached the entrance and she smiled at him.
“Well, if you insist…” she hummed and he chuckled. They found a spot to park and walked over to the window. It was 10pm but there were still a few people in line waiting to be served. “What do you get?” She asked him.
“Usually the maple raised, wheat and honey cake, or the red velvet one if I’m feeling particularly fancy.” He said to her and she smiled.
“That does sound good…” she said as she peeked around a few people to get a better look at the menu displayed on a big screen inside. “They have a fruity pebbles one.” She gasped.
“Such a child.” He joked.
“I didn’t say I was going to get it. Fruity pebbles are just super nostalgic and they smell amazing.” She defended.
“That’s true, they do smell divine…”
“Oh, they have blueberry…that’s it. That’s the one I want.”
“OK.” He chuckled.
As they stood in line Harry couldn’t help but notice that a few guys in the other line were ogling her a bit too much for his liking. They were obviously young since they were being obnoxious and loud, trying to get her to turn around, but she didn’t seem to be taking the bait. He leaned in closer to her and grabbed her hand, which caught her by surprise and she glanced up to him and he smiled down at her.
“Is this OK?” He asked her lowly and she nodded as she scooted a little closer to him as a light breeze blew over them and made her shiver. She was in a thin little party dress and her platform boots and the night was only getting colder, they were due for more rain over the weekend. He wasn’t even wearing a jacket he could offer her so he just pulled her in front of him and hugged around her waist. He couldn’t help but smile as her hands came up to his and she slotted her fingers in between his. She smiled as his warmth pressed into her back and she just leaned her weight back on him. He leaned down a bit to reach her ear before he spoke, “That’s what I mean when I said people are always trying to impress you.” He said quietly and her body shook with a giggle.
“How is being obnoxious impressive?”
“I literally have no idea.” He chuckled as they moved up in the line.
“Hi, I’m so sorry to interrupt.” They heard from beside them and turned to see a younger girl and her friend standing a few feet away, “We really like your album.” One of the girls said with a nervous smile.
“Oh! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.” Y/N smiled happily, but she kept her voice down as Harry let her go so she could talk to the girls who started gushing about how pretty she looked. Which they were right, she looked beautiful.
Well, to Harry she always did, but she did just a little bit more when she had events and things to do. Often times he felt that when people did themselves up for events they went so overboard that they barely even looked like themselves, but not Y/N. She had mastered this effortless look that proved that a little goes a long way; she was almost ethereal. He liked that she didn’t care to hire a glam team to turn her into another Hollywood starlet clone; she and the rest of the band did most of their looks themselves. He recalls that at the BRITS earlier in the year she was crammed between him and Kassie, smearing some eyeshadow onto her eyelids and getting on her mascara just minutes before they would have to walk the carpet. Witnessing that made him like her even more. That was what drew him to them in the first place, their authenticity, and well if anyone was a champion of unapologetically being your authentic self it was her. She made everyone feel good about exactly who they were and he loved that about her.
“Harry, would you mind taking a picture for us?” She asked him and he shook his head.
“Course not.” He smiled as one of the girls handed over her phone to him. He took several and then handed it back.
“Can we get one with both of you too? You’re like a total icon.” The girl said to Harry and he shook his head bashfully.
“Hardly.” He said to her humbly as Y/N asked the person ahead of them to take their picture. After they got a few pictures the girls said their goodbyes and got back into the line. As soon as she and Harry stepped up he boxed her in between his body and the counter. “Hi, can I get a blueberry cake, red velvet cake, and a…large? Crewneck?” He said to the woman at the window and she nodded.
“What color for the crewneck? We have gray and navy blue.” She said.
“What color?” He asked Y/N softly and she glanced between him and the cashier.
“Oh! For me?”
“Yeah, you’re shivering and I don’t have anything in my car.” He said to her and she smiled at him.
“Ummm, I’ll get the gray one.” She said to the woman who nodded and then gave them the total before rushing off to grab their stuff. “I’m paying you back.”
“Absolutely not. This is your first time here, so think of it as a commemoration gift.” He said to her and she shook her head. “And if you ever try to pay me back I will return it to you in pennies.” He said and she laughed as she shook her head.
“You’re something else.”
“I know, love. I know.” He hummed.
“Here you are!” The woman said as she returned with the sweater and a baggy with their donuts.
“Thank you!” He and Y/N said simultaneously before walking off to the side. “Gimme these.” Harry said grabbing the donuts from Y/N and he gripped the bag between his teeth as he helped pull the crewneck over her head as she got her arms into the sleeves. Yes, it was oversized on her, but crewnecks were meant to be baggy, they just were. It was a bit long as well, it was a bit shorter on her than the dress she was wearing and it made him wonder what she’d look like in his own clothes. He liked wearing oversized things just as much as everyone else, so he’d imagine that she’d look absolutely swallowed and adorable in his hoodies. They walked back to his car hand in hand before they each had to get into their own sides and as they sat down she turned to him.
“I have to tell you something.” She said and he looked a little bit concerned but nodded, indicating for her to go on. “I really, really love that you don’t open the car door for me.” He looked at her with narrowed eyes, “I swear I’m not being a smart ass or sarcastic. Like when guys do that it just…bothers me because like…. I have functioning arms, you know? Like I can do that myself, I don’t need help! And it’s not like one of those general polite things, like holding the door open for someone who’s behind you! Like that makes sense, because it’s more than one person coming through the door! But in the car only one person can get into the passenger side so why does someone else even think to touch my door?” She asked and he chuckled.
“I can see you’re very passionate about this.” He grinned and she sighed and nodded.
“Yes. Yes, I am…for some weird reason. It’s just relieving and it just might be by favorite thing about you.” She decided and he grinned.
“Seriously? My unwillingness to participate in benevolent sexism is your favorite thing about me?” He asked for clarification and she smiled.
“Yes.”
“It can’t be anything else?” He asked and she rolled her eyes up as she hummed pensively.
“Mmmm… no. That’s it.” She confirmed and he chuckled.
“I’ll check again at the end of the night if that’s your favorite thing about me.” He said smugly and she turned to him with a grin.
“What’s that supposed to mean? What are you insinuating?” She questioned and he smirked.
“You’ll see…” he hummed as he started the car and they took off. They only drove a few more minutes before Y/N saw the Sizzler’s on her left and then the Forum right up ahead. “Oh…interesting.” She said and he smiled at her.
“Yeah.” He said to her and she hummed, really anxious now to see why this particular place meant a lot to him. They kept driving straight and went around the back of the lot and he wheeled to a stop. It was desolate tonight, which was rare. He put the car in park and she turned to him and he smiled.
“So when I was 14 we came here on a family vacation. Like my parents and sister and aunt and uncle cousins…I’m the baby of the family by the way.” He disclosed and she smiled as he shared this, “So…my oldest cousin discovered that Coldplay had a show and he’d missed their show in England and he wanted to go. My sister was also a fan and I mean, I was too.”
“Yeah, it’s Coldplay!” Y/N said and he chuckled.
“Exactly! So my cousin convinced the adults to let us get tickets, they didn’t want to bring me along because I was the youngest, but I wanted to go. Anyway, saw Coldplay, my first concert ever.” He said and she smiled, “And afterwards we were waiting to get picked up, but my stepdad got lost and ended up going another way so we were just hanging out, right over there because it was well lit.” He pointed to where the trailers and trucks were usually set up, “My cousin and sister went up to see the merch and I just waited there, with my other cousin like they told me to.” He recalled, “And then out of nowhere a couple girls started panicking and Chris and Will walk on over to say hello.”
“No way!” Y/N giggled with surprise and he nodded.
“Yeah! And he was so kind to everyone. I didn’t have anything with me to get a photo or an autograph. But I was the only child there so he gravitated my way, asked where I was from and he was happy to hear that we were from England. And me being the brazen kid I was, I told him I also sang and wanted to start a band with my friends from school, like they did. And he told me that he was rooting for me, to believe in my music, and to never give up on my music. And…so I never did.” He finished his story and she was smiling so brightly. His story was so wholesome it made her eyes well up, that was so beautiful! What an experience to have with someone.
“That’s so amazing, Harry. Like so fucking cool!” She said with excitement and he hummed and nodded.
“I got really lucky that night.” He said softly “And well, whenever I get stuck or feel insecure or like I’m losing my touch I come here and it reminds me to never give up on my music. To continue believing in myself…so that’s why this place means a lot to me.”
“And well, you’ve produced for Coldplay now. Did he remember you?” She asked and he chuckled.
“He kind of did, mostly because I was a British child at one of their LA shows.” He said as they laughed softly, “He didn’t remember what we had spoken about or anything specific. And I did tell him and thank him because, if he hadn’t said that to me I’d definitely be in a whole other world, you know? It was cool and so fucking unreal for someone like me to have that full circle moment that so many people never get.” He expressed and she nodded, “And you know, those of us that get to spend our lives drowning in our passion, making art, literally getting paid to live and experience the best life has to offer just so that we can commemorate it with our art…like we’re so fortunate and so fucking lucky. It’s hard to remember that sometimes with the dark sides of this industry or even just the fame. But this is the best thing that will ever happen to you, Y/N. And what you do now that you have this platform matters more than ever. And that’s why I like you and the band, you guys are so down to earth, you’re in it for the art, you’re in it to have fun, you’re all so genuine and yourselves…never change that. Because as long as you stay in tune with yourself, even when you get stuck or feel like giving up, you’ll find your way back.” He said with certainty. And as he looked back to her she was watching him intently and then nodded in understanding at what he’d just advised. “Sorry, that got super deep, super fast-”
“It’s alright. I mean, we were bound to get deep when I asked you to bring me someplace meaningful to you.” She said and he shrugged and smiled.
“True…”
“And I know that I’ve got this like look about me that screams “I learn on my own” and “I don’t care what anyone says”, but it’s just that, a look. I promise that after the whole thing with Dr. Auclair I started taking in and listening and considering everything you’ve said to me. So I just want you to know that I listened to what you’ve just said to me, and thank you because after feeling so overwhelmed by everything tonight I just… I really needed to hear that. And I’m not going to forget it.” She shared and he smiled as he reached for her hand she smiled as he slotted their fingers together. “H, hand me the aux.” she said and he grabbed his phone and gave it over and she turned the phone away from him to type something out and then she locked it before grabbing his hand again and second later “Champion of the World” started to play over the car’s speaker and he smiled down at his lap before turning his head to look at her.
“Nice one.” He said softly and she smiled brightly at him. She was in love with the way he was looking at her in this moment. Her smile slowly started to fade as she just took him in intently. She was memorizing the details of his perfectly sculpted face, memorizing the indecipherable feeling he was emitting through his eyes. Whatever it was, it was undoubtedly a good feeling. She started to lean in and he joined her in the middle as their lips met with blazing passion as these big, beautiful emotions surged through and between them. “Do…” he paused as his lips smashed into hers once more, “d’you wanna…go back t’mine?” He rushed out with his exhale before their lips met again. He felt her nod ‘yes’ but he wanted to hear her say it. He need to, so that he knew for a fact that he wasn’t imaging that Y/N, this marvelous and radiant person, wanted him too. “Hmmm?” He insisted.
“Yeah.” She mumbled, “Take me home.” She said quietly. It was so hard to tear away from her after she said that to him.
It was just a 20 minute drive to his house in the hills and the whole time they held hands. Once they got there they wasted no time in getting inside and to his bedroom. They were undressing on the way there. It was giggly and clumsy because for some reason she was leading while Harry called out directions to her, but her unfamiliarity with his space was showing as she bumped into things along the way. When she finally got to his room he picked her up from behind and flung her onto his bed. She shrieked as she landed on the mattress with a muted thump. Harry soon climbed over her and kissed her through his smile.
“You’re so fucking pretty.” He hummed into her lips and she smiled. “I can’t get over it.” He exhaled before they started making out again.
Y/N whimpered as his erection rubbed over her dribbling pussy. Well, over her panties, but she was so sensitive that he might as well have been rubbing himself bare through her folds. A wave of warmth pulsed through her body as his lips moved down her neck. She arched her back as he started to snake his hands under to get her bra unclasped. He did so quickly and dexterously before pulled it away from her body and sucked her nipple into his mouth. She hummed with pleasure as the other was fondled with intent. He wasn’t being delicate with her and she loved that.
“Oh fuck…” she chuckled as he bit down on her nipple for a few seconds before sucking it hard. She was so wet for him that she was squirming as her cunt throbbed and pulse with need, “Harry. Harry, please.” She keened as she tried to find his hips with her own, “Need you inside. I need to feel you so bad.” She muttered into the dark as he sucked his mark on her breasts.
“Need me, baby?” He asked her before continuing to kiss down her body.
“Yes. Yes, I need you so bad…fuck.” She groaned as he kissed over her clothed cunt. He patted her thigh and she lifted her bum and he dragged her panties down her legs as he kissed right over her clit before licking through her slit and flicking her little bud a few times. “Harry, fuck that’s so good!” She whimpered. His licks started getting heavier and languid, sloppier even. She could feel his stubble and mustache tickling her already hypersensitive pussy as he moved his head from side to side with intent. Y/N tangled her fingers in his hair as she thrusted up to his mouth, grinding herself against him. She noticed that he grew more whiny and vocal as she used him and tugged at his hair and it made her even more aroused.
“You like when I use you to get off?” She asked and his lips turned up in a smile as his eyes fluttered up to hers, “I’ll take that as a yes.” She hummed before biting her lip and moaning, “Fuck, that’s perfect!” She praised him as he sucked her clit, brushing his tongue over it each time he’d suck it in, “Fuck…” She sighed with a smile, “y’suck my clit so good.” She panted as her tummy tightened deliciously with pleasure, “You’re gonna make me come!” She whimpered and he moaned against her, causing her toes to curl as her walls started to pulse hard and fast as she vibrated from the inside out. “Oh fuck!” She shrieked as Harry sunk two fingers into her without a warning and started to fuck her in time with his sucks on her clit. Not slowing down for a moment as she started to come.
Her hips wriggled around and her back arched as she trembled as he pulled yet another orgasm out of her without even letting her come down form the first one. Her ears were ringing and she was covered in goosebumps as the waves of pleasure rippled through her. Finally he started to slow down and then gently eased his fingers out of her.
“Taste so good, baby.” He hummed against her mound before kissing and crawling back up to her mouth. As soon as he was within reach she crashed her mouth onto his.
“That was the best head…holy fucking shit. That thing you did with the sucking and the tongue?!” She expressed with a bewildered smile.
“Enough to update your favorite thing about me?” He asked with a grin and she hummed pensively.
“I think not.” She said and he chuckled and shook his head.
“You’re such a turd.”
“Thank you.” She grinned and he chuckled. “Harry?”
“Yeah?”
“I like still want to have sex with you. Like really badly.” She said and his eyes widened as he chuckled.
“Yeah, ummm, sorry I was just giving you a little break.”
“I don’t take breaks.” She hummed as he leaned over to grab a condom from his bedside table.
“Well, good to know.” He smirked as he knelt up to get it on himself as she repositioned herself against his pillows. Watching him roll down the condom with lustful eyes and a kiss-bitten lip held down beneath her teeth. He was so fucking perfect that it was almost physically painful. And well, Y/N could admit that he was also perfect inside, like where it counted. She pressed herself to sit up and pushed herself up to pull his head down to meet him in a deep and searing kiss. He let himself fall into it and continued his task blindly. When he shifted above her she laid back down as he guided his cock down to her entrance where he gently prodded at her leaking and tight little hole a handful of times before he surged into her. His thick cock pushed her walls apart as he glided in, in one fluid motion.
“Harry!” She gasped, back arched and body tense as he plunged in to the hilt with very little resistance, “Mmmmm you’re so deep!” She whimpered lowly.
“S’that where you wanted to feel me, baby? Are you getting what you wanted? What you need from me?” He asked and she nodded.
“Yes, Harry…” she sang breathily as he started to pulse his hips, his tip nudged into her g-spot over and over and over, her breath was hitching and her legs trembling.
“Fuck, you’re squeezing so hard…” he hummed in delight, “Come for me, baby. Cream on my cock.” He panted and she moaned loudly at his filthy words as she came undone. She was coming so hard, she’d never had an orgasm solely from having her g-spot stimulated, it was game changing. A pressure had formed inside of her that she had never felt before, but it was as he had said, that’s exactly where it ached for him and he was satiating that perfectly.
His thrusts slowed down as she settled from her orgasm, but he kept going, slow and deep, not really letting the entire feeling fade. Extending and milking the pleasure for her as far as humanly possible. And it was happening as he groaned and picked up his pace. When he started going he knocked his head back and grunted with each deep pump of his cock into her. She was so wet, the sounds of her arousal sopping her up for him were unreal, she’d never been that wet before. She was certain of it.
“I’m so close. Getting so close.” He groaned lowly as his hips started to snap harder with each dip into her pussy. One of his hands slid up from her waist to her breast, kneading it and playing with it as he brought them both closer and closer to the final orgasm. She was a fucking goddess, he wanted to obsess over her until he had learned every single detail of who she was. “Fuck, rub your little clit. Want you to come with me.” He said and she immediately did as he said. Her orgasm started to build at double speed than before. She was quickly right on the edge with him, holding on just a little bit more, trying to get the most out of this moment together until their bodies demanded their climax. “Oh shit…oh…oh… fuuuuuck.” He grunted before he started to moan as his orgasm overcame him. His desperate thrusts and gorgeous sounds pushed her over the edge. The fact that he was vocal enhanced everything for her, it brought a feeling of pleasure to her that she’d never experienced. As they lay there in satisfaction, recovering from those incredible, earth shattering orgasms she spoke up.
“I like that you’re not shy with your sounds. It’s really attractive.” She hummed as she ran her finger nails down his arm that was draped over her body.
“You know, I usually am more of a heavy breathing kind of guy. But with you being how you are, I don’t know, I just felt like I didn’t have to hold anything I felt back.” He said and she smiled.
“Yeah…you can, do that with me, you know? For like anything you need…Not hold back I mean.” She added, “You can not “hold back” with me anytime and for anything.” She rephrased and he was just smirking as she tried to un-confuse herself. She only stopped when she felt his body shaking before he burst into laughter.
“I got what you meant the first time, baby.” He assured and she shook her head as she laughed. “And I want that for you too. To not hold back with me.”
“OK. I won’t.” She smiled as she confirmed this to him.
After that night everything between Y/N and Harry changed. Any rational human would think that falling in love after one night together was completely insane, but that’s exactly what had happened. The two spent time together every single day up until the day Y/N and her band left for tour. With his newfound time alone he decided to follow through with auditioning for that film he was asked to compose for and after a few nerve-racking weeks he’d found out he’d gotten the part. Obviously, Y/N was happy for him and they celebrated over FaceTime. But now that he had a new gig he needed to just take some time to get the compositions together.
Harry worked diligently on the film score for three months. He only needed 4 pieces as there would be other songs weaved through out the film. And then it was off to filming. Filming was in Canada and that went on for 8 months. Y/N had been able to visit after the band’s tour ended, but it was just for two weeks as they were heading back into the studio soon. And just like that it had been a year apart. Because he was working on his film, he couldn’t produce their next album, though during their down time over the next holiday he did give it a listen and share some insights with her. And then the following March he got some bad news from back home about his father and he headed back for a few weeks.
When he returned he was really upset about it, but he had solely come to break up with Y/N. His dad didn’t have very long apparently and he’d been away for so long that he decided that he needed to be there with him for as long as he could. He was going to look after him until the end. And well, Y/N completely understood why he wanted and needed to do that. It was sad, but amicable. And for the first few months they continued their routine of chatting regularly, but she soon discovered that it was just prolonging her pain. She wrote a song from it that she called “Good Grief”. It was about grieving the beautiful things, remembering them with love, and simultaneously talking about it being hard to let things like that go. That song launched them into an entirely new era and things took off for the band which ended up putting even more distance between the two. Harry also didn’t move back to LA, so they didn’t even have a chance to easily see each other and with each decision pulling them further apart they inevitably fell out of touch.
It was three years after their break up now and the two were doing well. Y/N was about to be engaged. Well, she assumed she was. Her boyfriend, Riley had been extra odd all week and her friends and family were oddly unavailable so she was expecting it. Harry had just moved back to LA after all that time, he just needed a change of pace after looking after his dad for one year and then dealing with the aftermath of it all for the next few. He was excited to come back, reconnect with some old friends…and of course, talk to Y/N. He hadn’t moved on, he hadn’t loved anyone like he had loved her and he just wanted to be back in her life, in nay capacity. She was it for him, he knew that for certain.
It was a day like any other, except for one thing…she was craving a donut. But not just any donut, a red velvet donut from Randy’s. She knew it was completely ridiculous to be driving out to Inglewood at 4pm for a donut, but she was alone for the evening and had nothing better to do since apparently everyone in her life was mysteriously busy. She got in line for the drive thru and as she glanced out of her window absentmindedly she saw a very familiar face walking over to the back of the line. She smiled wide and her heart did flips and her stomach fluttered with butterflies at the sight of him. Of seeing him here of all places. Her mind went back to that night he brought her here. How perfectly wonderful that had been.
“Harry!” She shouted out the window and he glanced in her direction and his lips widened in a smile as he waved. “I’m gonna get out!” She shouted and he shot her a thumbs up and got out of the line to meet her where she parked. She rushed out of her car and straight into his arms. He hugged her tight and spun her around as they laughed and greeted each other with enthusiasm. “Wow! How insane to be running into you here!”
“I know…” he shook his head.
“What brings you to LA?” She asked.
“I’m moving back actually. Just touched down and figured a little detour wouldn’t hurt.” He said and her eyebrows raised.
“Oh, that’s good. It’ll be nice to have you within reach.” She said with a smile and he nodded, “I’m sorry about everything with your dad. I wanted to call or something, but I didn’t know if I even had the right to since we haven’t talked in a long time.” She explained herself.
“You always have a right, Y/N. Love of my life, remember?” He said and she smiled.
“Light of my life.” She said as she reached for his hand and squeezed it gently.
They got their donuts and talked for a bit before they headed off. She waited a few days and this intense need to see him again didn’t go away. So she talked to the band about it, they knew each of them the best and well, they all agreed that maybe they needed a better form of closure. So she reached out to Harry and asked him if he wanted to go for lunch. And he accepted, which is what led them to their meet up at Seabird’s Kitchen.
“You look pretty.” He complimented her as he hugged her quickly.
“Thanks. I rushed over from a meeting I had this morning.”
“Ah, work attire.”
“Yeah.” She giggled, “So how are you settling in? Are you back at the old house?” She asked and he shook his head.
“Nah, got something smaller. Got rid of that place a few years back.”
“Oh, I didn’t know.” She pouted, “So many amazing memories there.” She hummed and Harry nodded.
“So what’s up?” He asked her and she sighed.
“Well…as you know, what we had together it was…magic. Literally heaven on earth.”
“We were pretty perfect weren’t we?” He smiled fondly and she nodded.
“Yeah…and ummmm, well I’ve never really been able to 100% move on because well…there were just a lot of things left unsaid because we kind of broke up and then you went back home. And I guess I just…didn’t want to talk to you about that when I knew that you were dealing with so much already.” She explained and he hummed. “I guess I just needed closure on a few things because…well, I ummm….” She swallowed thickly, she had no idea why she felt guilty saying this to him, but it just felt wrong to tell Harry this information, it didn’t make any sense, “I think I’m getting engaged really soon.” She said and his eyebrows shot up.
“Oh!” He said and quickly morphed his surprise into a smile instead of the frown that was clawing itself to the surface, “Congrats!” He smiled brightly. He knew that she had a boyfriend…but he doesn’t know why it never felt real to him. Maybe because he hadn’t heard it from her own two lips. Or perhaps because he was far away so it didn’t feel like a reality to him? Who knows, but reality hit him over the head with that one and he could feel his heart breaking over her once again.
“Thank you.” She forced her smile as best as she could. As she looked down at his hand she could very easily picture herself holding it in hers. She could see herself enjoying it and her heart warming as she pictured their fingers interlacing together. As if no time at all had ever passed. It made her feel afraid now as all of it started rushing back to her.
“Hey, are you alright?” Harry asked her and she nodded.
“Yeah, I just got distracted.” She shook her head, “Ummm, well anyway I just wanted to I guess give us the proper goodbye we deserved.” She said and he nodded with a broken heart but he stayed for 3 hours, catching up, joking around, talking, reminiscing until it was time to go. Harry was walking Y/N to her car since she had parked quite far down the street. And when they got to her car she had him hop in so that she could give him a ride back to his car. And they hummed to her music playing from her phone as they made the short drive over, and soon they were just saying their goodbyes. He was hugging her over the console, mentally saying a different kind of goodbye to her that was making his heart wilt in his chest. They were about to pull back when “Champion of the World” started to play and she smiled as she relaxed in his hold before pulling back a bit, their foreheads pressing together and it felt like no time had passed at all.
“We’ve been here before.” He whispered and she hummed in confirmation as her eyes fluttered shut to give herself a moment. This was hurting far more than she expected it to. It felt like they were breaking up all over again and this time it was her choice and he was complacent in her decision. It felt wrong to be saying goodbye to each other twice. “I don’t think I’m ever gonna fall out of love with you.” He said softly and her eyes fluttered open and she slightly frowned as she looked from his eyes to his lips a couple of times before just doing what her intrusive thoughts had been telling her to do since he’d shown up this afternoon. She surged forward and slotted her lips against his.
Harry didn’t hesitate to kiss back. One deep kiss led them to a stolen peck, then another, and then a deeper kiss, and more and more. It felt like they were kissing to makeup for the three years they hadn’t been able to kiss. There was still so much love between them, Y/N supposes it had just been dormant this entire time he was gone. And she had indeed missed how it felt to be completely and undeniably gone for someone. There wasn’t another thought running through her mind in that moment, so as they pulled away she knew that she was still in love with him. She had been this whole time.
“Fuck…sorry.” He whispered and she shook her head.
“I kissed you, so it’s alright. I’m sorry, if I kissed you and you didn’t want to kiss me.” She apologized.
“I’d never not want to kiss you.” He chuckled and she smiled with a heat in her cheeks from his flirtations. “Do you regret it yet?” He asked teasingly and she shook her head, but she wasn’t smiling. She was completely serious.
“I can’t regret anything that happens between us. It’s just a proper goodbye, yeah?” She said sadly and he nodded wordlessly.
“Hey, you better invite me to the wedding. Just because it’s not me, it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be there or that I’m not happy for you. OK?”
“OK.” She smiled and with that he got out and they went their separate ways.
She cried the entire way home and she felt completely heart broken. Like she had lost him all over again and she couldn’t be getting married to someone when she was in love with someone who wasn’t the person she was supposed to marry. She was so absolutely confused and it was affecting her work horribly. They were in the middle of some writing sessions for their next album and she was not being even a little bit helpful. Her mind was elsewhere. And it was like that for two whole weeks and everyone was fed up with her.
“Dude what is wrong with you?” Kassie asked her and she groaned.
“I don’t know…I’m really distracted.” She fibbed and everyone sighed, “I just…can’t do this today. Sorry, guys.” She said before gathering her things and heading out. When she got to her apartment Riley was there making dinner and it made her heart sad that it wasn’t Harry.
“Hey, love!” He smiled and the smile faded as soon as he saw her face.
“Ummm, he’s back. And I asked to see him.” She said to Riley who sighed. He had been there through the entire break up, between her and Harry. At the time he was a session musician who’d been hired to play on one of their songs. But he was so nice and thoughtful. But he also knew the love that she and Harry shared for each other. In a way he always expected their paths to cross again, but he’d just hoped that it wouldn’t affect her. But he still did, in every way apparently.
“When are you seeing him?”
“It was two weeks ago.” She said and he nodded. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I was just hoping to get some closure on some stuff. But then I…I realized that I’m still in love with him. And I kissed him.” She confessed everything, “I’m really sorry.”
“Jesus, Y/N.” Riley said with disappointment.
“I know…I should’ve told you right away but I was trying to figure out what I should do.”
“There’s only one thing to do, Y/N. You said you’re in love with him.” Riley shook his head, “You know, I always knew this would happen some day.” He said lowly, “I was stupid for thinking you’d pick me though.” He said as he made his way towards the couch and grabbed his sweater and he furiously slipped into his sneakers, “Please, don’t call me when this all blows up in your face.” He said with spite before he slammed the door hard on his way out.
She frowned, obviously she deserved that, but he was a good guy. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he just….wasn’t the love of her life. Maybe she was foolish for thinking that things could start back up with Harry. Well, it’d been a few years, they’d been through plenty of things on their own, it was safe to say that they were pretty different people now. But the way things felt were exactly the same, it wasn’t just nostalgia. Being with him made her feel alive and in control and like everything would be alright. She was a bit stuck with her next step, as she weighed out her options. She sighed and decided to take a drive to the place that always helped her think.
The sun was setting as she placed her hands on the white rails of the Forum parking lot. After Harry left she’d made it her special place to come think. He had given this place a new meaning to her and it felt like the best place to decide on whether that goodbye they had was the final one or if she should give in to her desires and go after him. She stood there for a few minutes, just the sounds of the city around her.
“Why am I not surprised to see you here?” She heard and turned around to see Harry in his shorts and hoodie, smiling brightly and she smiled back.
“What brings you here?” She asked.
“Feeling a bit stuck…And you?”
“Same.” She responded. They were quiet for a little bit before she spoke up, “I think we’re feeling stuck over the same thing.” She said to him and he glanced to her, his eyes soft as he looked over to her.
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“Whether it’s too late for us or not.” She said softly and he hummed as he looked at her.
“Well what do you think?” He asked and she bit her lip.
“I told Riley we kissed…he told me not to call him.” She said and he frowned.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not.” She said softly and he glanced up into her eyes with a gleam of hope, “I’ve been in love with you this whole time. Waiting for you. I want us back. I-if you’ll still have me.” She offered a hopeful smile and he grabbed her face and leaned in to kiss her.
“Course I’ll have you.” He hummed with a smile, “You’re the love of my life.” He said softly and she smiled against his lips.
“And you’re the light of my life.”
As always, all feedback is appreciated!
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I promised a couple of people in the comments that I would write up my thoughts on the relationship between for the benefit of all the broken hearts and the Carly Rae Jepsen album The Loneliest Time, and as a way of dealing with some wicked writer's block, here it is. (below the cut, because long, and I know only a few followers/mutuals are likely to be interested. also: spoilers for my fic, if you are interested in it but haven't read/finished.)
fwiw, even if you have no interest in this particular fic, I highly recommend the album, it's great!
So I wrote most of this fic while listening to this album: I was looking for some good background music, I wanted some pop music, and I had listened to it once and thought it was pretty good, so I put it on. And THEN it turns out most of the album hits the Themes and Motifs I was playing with, and I became obsessed. (Tidal continues to let me know, month after month, just how obsessed.) And CRJ became an ingredient in the character I was writing, which turned into a great feedback loop of the music and the aesthetic and getting sent interviews, which fed back into the character, etc etc etc.
As I was writing, I ended up with the headcanon that this album is sort of/mostly/not entirely/in a parallel dimension the album that the unnamed protagonist is working on throughout the story. Which in the story, she's written about half an album, quite a bit of which is about her relationship with Ed, and then she's inspired to write new songs by the events of the story itself. In my head, that works with the songs in the real album in the real world, because I think of them as three categories.
I will say that sometimes songs move around in categories in my head, or I've thought about their relationship to the story in different ways over time, which is part of the experience of mostly listening to a single album for seven months. (Apologies to my neighbors, I guess? Or anyone who has ridden in my car.)
Songs that have nothing to do with the story
If this is the album in the story, these are songs she wrote before the story that are not related to her relationships, they're just songs.
Beach House - although a song like this is directly referenced, I think a couple of times? She redirects the interview in the final scene by talking about something like it, a song inspired by terrible online dating experiences, which I think is something I heard in a CRJ interview about Beach House.
Bends (which is apparently a song CRJ wrote about grief from losing a family member) - the chorus is very vibes but it doesn't hit anything in particular
Western Wind - likewise vibes but not story
Shooting Star - I do love this song, but yeah, not part of the story
Pre-WFU (or at least pre-story) songs about Ed
These are also songs she came into the studio with, but they are specific to her relationship with Ed, and a particular conception of them that she has in her head. I am agnostic about whether she wrote them entirely before WFU, or in the gap during/after when she didn't know about those events.
So Nice - this is the song re: Ed; it's the song she can't quite get in the studio after meeting Mary, the song she remembers writing while watching him, the song she can finally record properly after things are more resolved. (Yeah there is a direct reference, I happened to be writing a particular bit of chapter 9 while it was playing, and decided to do something silly.) This song inspired a lot of how I thought about her feelings about Ed, too.
Surrender My Heart (this is the song that gave me the title) - altho this one I can sometimes see either way, as something she came in with or as something she wrote as it happened?
Sideways
No Thinking Over The Weekend
Songs from the story
These are the songs that she writes over the course of the story, and that as I listened to them, had extra resonance for writing the story. Some of them I associate strongly with particular chapters or sections, or I have strong visuals in my head for them. I tend to imagine her writing them as if thinking from the perspectives of the other characters, too.
Bad Thing Twice - if listening to "So Nice" is the "oh this is her and Ed's song" breakthrough moment in my writing process, this is the "HEY IT'S A WFU SONG" that cemented this album as going with this story. It works so well it's a little spooky tbh. Sometimes I think of it as Ed to Stede or vice versa, but it's also tasty to think of it with her and Mary too.
Talking to Yourself - late in the draft process I solidified that this is the first of the songs that she writes over the course of the story, the couplet that comes to her while taking a break from recording. I tend to think of it also as Ed to Stede, and something of the vibes that she's absorbed from that first chapter with Ed and then from talking to Mary and briefly encountering Stede.
Joshua Tree - speaking of Mary, this is THE song for her and Mary, which is partially the painting references, partially the California driving vibes, partially the lines "California dreaming's never what it seems/But here it comes, I know what I must do now".
Go Find Yourself or Whatever - so I have this scene in my head that I will probably never write, of the foursome sometime after the story going out to karaoke, and ofc some of her songs are there, and Ed and Mary sing this as a duet while staring directly at Stede, who is attempting to disappear under a table.
Keep Away - conversely, this is very much Stede's song, all the way through, and I'm always [bites fist] about "I'm keeping company [...] with all the friends I got from you" in the context of Roach being part of the comedy show scene.
Far Away - not a strong association, but it makes me think of her realizing that she hasn't really known Ed, and in some ways wanting to start over. So a little bit chapter 1, even, and a little bit chapter 10, I think.
Anxious - I think I rotated this through lots of different feelings, and eventually settled on the whole chapter 13 situation, and Ed and Mary, and it's something about the energy of it and also "ooh, boy, you've got a reputation"
Special category: The Loneliest Time
There's two aspects to this: in the story, she's writing it in chapter 11 specifically, so between Berlin and Los Angeles, and it's a duet, and I got to bring in some ambiguous famous male singer (theories and headcanons welcome) that is a bit of a foil and context for her in that and in the following chapters in the recording studio.
But also, at some point very early on, it struck me that if I did this thing successfully -- that is to say, if I fixed it in a way that I personally would recognize as fixed, it would feel like the way The Loneliest Time sounds.
By which I mean: something about the interweaving of the vocals and the depth of the sound and the chord progressions (I think? it has been 1000 years since I did anything with music) and the lyrics and the whole vibe of it. Something about it feels like a resolution, even if it's not perfect or final, it's settled into a new place, one that's hopeful, and that's what I wanted to get to.
(For a while, I thought that if I was able to land it, I would title the fic "The Loneliest Time", but it didn't quite fit - when I made the series for it and A secret third thing and the missing scenes fic I'm working/posting/block on, I decided it works for the set as a whole.)
As a final thought, one of the things I appreciate about this album in relationship to this story is that the songs don't appear to be in a story order. There's no particular story arc or narrative or even necessarily direct relationship between any of the songs. And that worked with the idea that comes up in the final chapter: "It’s not one to one. The story you’re telling isn’t always your story exactly as it is." And before that, when she thinks about putting the music out into the world and it become part of other people's stories.
There's something about that, and about how this story relates to a lot of personal things in a similarly non-linear way, that makes this album feel even more connected to this story.
#my writing#my fic#carlita coded content#I love this album so fucking much#much thanks to anyone who has listened to me ramble about it at length#ironically I got invited to see CRJ in concert just weeks before this obsession hit#and passed for a bunch of complicated reasons#otoh the friend who invited me ended up with an extra copy of the ROSE PINK TRANSLUCENT VINYL and gave it to me
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I think the fact that songs like Don't Blame Me, Wildest Dreams and Enchanted became Tik Tok hits + the released rerecords in recent years is part of what made the setlist "odd". She had these old songs that people, specifically casually fans, had recently (re-)discovered, which meant focusing on only the newly released material, as she usually did, would leave out actual recent hits.
I'm sorry this is a bit of a rant, but I just cannot agree with this at all.
"Focusing on new material would leave out actual recent hits"? Outside of ME! and arguably I Bet You Think About Me, what massive hits since her last tour did we miss with less time of the setlist attributed to those albums than arguably otherwise would have been? So with more time being allocated to it like usually happens (though I would argue that outside of the 1989 tour [which was very deliberately nearly only 1989] all of Taylor's concerts have had a good balance of old and new). Like idk I guess you could arguably say that had she not done it this way, she wouldn't have done 3 hours worth and some may get cut from that, but that's making assumptions and even before we knew the setlist, most of us were guessing that it'd be her longest setlist and would range from 2.5 - 3 hours so I can't get on board that actual hits would be missed out. If anything, I think deep cuts would have been.
I also disagree completely that the tiktok/rerecorded hits made it weird because all of them were either fan faves (DBM, Enchanted, ATW), a good enough representation of their album that she almost named it that so works perfectly on the setlist (Enchanted) and/or singles that likely would have made the setlist either way (Wildest Dreams and now ATW). Like all of these songs work well in the setlist. And my hot take in general within this fandom is that I don't think it's a bad thing if she makes tour setlists for the locals. Every artist has to to some degree and I love most her singles lmao.
In my honest opinion, what makes it weird is that there's so many songs, a big chunk of it is half songs without there being any mashups. Like Taylor showed us in the Reputation tour that she can easily execute medleys (style/love story/ybwm) and I just don't really understand why she didn't do that if she was going to do half songs and wanted to get in as many songs as she could anyway? And tbh? Ultimately I feel like the amount of songs/it being half songs is only weird because Taylor doesn't usually do it so we're not used to it. So that's not even the issue I have.
The aspect that my brain can't get past is the deliberate era sections and callout at the start of the show on having each and every era just to not have one era and barely have another era. Like had she not put that emphasis on it, I wouldn't have even expected a debut song and would have only expected Enchanted like we got, and I've been saying that for months. So like yes, I am specifically a little sad that Tim McGraw itself was cut out (because I feel like it's perfect to have on the setlist of the ERAS tour celebrating her career as her first song. Also selfishly I haven't heard it live before so was hoping to), but like I said, it's more about the cognitive dissonance of the focus being each era just to like not be.
Also, and I'm not saying that you've done this anon, just in general, I resent that people are implying that myself or anyone else who wasn't 100% over the moon about the setlist came into it with unrealistic expectations. Like I have been the one sitting here since Folklore came out saying that the next tour was going to be for the casual fans. I have sat here having accusations thrown at me for years that I didn't think Taylor loved her fans because I thought her playing Long Live nightly was a pipedream on tour while everyone around me thought it was a sure in. My tour prediction setlist was 95% hits/casual fans faves and/or Midnights tracks with a few stan faves thrown in. I am the last person anyone had to convince that debut wasn't going to get the spotlight. But I don't think it was unrealistic to take her cues of saying that each era being represented and that it was going to be a show about her whole career, not 2018 - now like we expected, and think that that was going to be the case and be a little disheartened when it wasn't. Like (from what I've seen) nobody is saying that they'll be upset forever and this has ruined the tour for them, we're all just a little confused and sad.
Anyway as I've said for the last day now, I am still sure that it probably feels better (less rushed/more intimate) in person and I am still excited for my show, but the livestreams don't reflect that for me personally. Like it just doesn't feel like there's much room to breathe, which I understand is less of an issue in the moment when you're full of adrenaline. So I will get over that, I just need time to process and readjust my expectations. Thankfully for me I won't be attending until the Sydney show so have plenty of time for that. In the meantime I'm also going to be so thrilled about the piano surprise songs because I have been begging for this for a decade! :)
#taylor swift#eras tour#making it clear that just because i ranted doesn't mean i'm upset with you or anyone else. these are just my honest thoughts on the tour
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Hi!!! I'm so sorry I didn't reply until now. This week has been blah and I've felt more tired than usual. I love it all too and I loved seeing Long Live live so much, but I mostly understand why they were cut. I like everything how it is, but I would probably change the Evermore and Red songs the most. I would get rid of We are Never and I guess 22 for State of Grace and Red, which is an awesome opener and title track that sets up the whole album. I would not get rid of ATW 10 at all omg!!! For Evermore, I would probably get rid of Tis the Damn Season and Tolerate it, even though I like the table setup. I would probably put Gold Rush instead or maybe Long Story Short and would hypothetically want Evermore since it's another title track and my fav. I still liked her solo version of it too. I think I would try to add Our Song somewhere but it's a good thing its in the movie! I definitely love Look What You Made Me do with the other Taylors and the Don't Blame Me transition. The thing about rep to me..is I like every song but I don't really have specific favorites in the album as much. I feel the same way about 1989 sort of but Iove the singles, so I don't know if I would change anything on tour.
I am excited to hear it later tonight though omg!!! I forgot which song you said you were the most interested in or the most excited to hear. For me, I think it's still Slut and between Suburban Legends or Is it Over Now. Did you see the lyric snippets she posted and which songs do you think they were a part of? The first one reminded me of Holy Ground cuz of the coffee lyric mixed with a little bit of I Wish You Would but then someone said it was more chasing shadows in the grocery line lyric and I might prefer it if the song did have more longing actually so I guess we will see. That might also change what song I'll think it's from. When she did these for Midnights, I was pretty good at guessing a few of them. I am more interested in the pool lyric cuz of aquamarine for now but we will see if she shares another one later today too! Do you listen in order or vault first? I'm still gonna try shuffle for this one and see how it goes. If you have any other predictions for the songs, you can put them here. I am very curious on the sound, though I have no idea what it could be. I think there could be another slowish dreamy song and maybe it will be the new closer. Even though most of the songs are pretty short, I'm hoping they are still amazing and I'm sure they will be! Also, I wanted to ask you if you plan to listen to The Good Witch too cuz I really don't know if I should listen to Maisie or Taylor first. Like I feel like I wanna save Taylor for last but then I will be too excited..and maybe it depends on how long the album will be, but I also wanna hear Maisie's songs too, and I don't know what to do.
For Midnights, I honestly just consider the 3AM version the main version. I think when we heard it, it was all together cuz it was almost midnight and we were barely still getting thru the main album. I remember being the most excited for Midnight Rain, and Lavender Haze, and Antihero. I did not really like Midnight Rain on the first listen and my prediction of the song was wrong. I thought Lavender Haze might be an old fashioned 50s Broadway style love song from the way she talked about it and that was wrong lol. Antihero has become one of my favorites and I liked it when I first heard it but it wasn't an instant love either. The album grew on me a lot but my favorites have stayed mostly the same, and we have some of the same favorites! I think I'm going to listen to it later to get in a 1989 pop mood and I haven't heard it in a while.
Anyway I listened to Hollys album again and I think my favorites are Into Your Room, Ghost Me, Antichrist Lauren and Elvis Impersonators. Some of the songs blended and I think I need more time but I really enjoy the whole album. I think some of her older songs stand out to me more though at this point, like Scarlet and Walls are Way too thin.
Ya stunt casts are always sort of mixed for me, but if it works and gets more people to see shows, then I guess it's a good thing. Ya I was wondering how you felt about Jordan Fisher in the role. I knew it was rumored but didn't know it was confirmed, and I would be interested to see him in the role. I hope you have fun at the tour and I think seeing someone else might make a difference in a good way, even though I like Reeve. The only thing about the Waitress proshot is I'm not used to Sara in the role haha but I'm sure she's still good. Idk if I will see it yet but I do want to at some point and hope I don't forget about it. I realized I never got around to watching the Heather's proshot either, except it wasn't one of my favorite musicals. I seriously meant to watch Daddy Long Legs and Allegiance at some point..like I had both on my old computer, but never got around to it! I have listened to the cast recording of Daddy Long Legs though and know the basic plot and meant to watch the old movie version from the 50s. I remember one of the things my sister said was she has such an interesting voice too and thats why some songs would always get stuck in my head. I love She Loves Me and have seen a non pro shot version of First Date before. I've never had Broadwayhd but always wanted to check it out. I try to watch as many proshots as I can. I've never heard of Snapshots but it sounds interesting mixing Stephen Schwartz shows. Haha yes, we have actually already discussed Smash more than once in your asks but I do love it. I wonder what happened to the Smash musical. By the way, I heard Gatsby got mixed reviews but at least I think the costumes I saw made it look better and the sets were gorgeous!
Les Mis was great but now I can barely remember it! I can't believe I went but it almost doesn't feel like it. I loved him as Marius! He has a good voice and I always love Empty Chairs. My sister said she actually didn't care for Enjolras on tour and preferred Aaron in the movie and also that Jean Valjean sounded like Hugh Jackman from the movie, but it could be that we are too used to it even if I do love it..but seeing it on stage obviously just feels different and it's better. Just remember that reading or annotating is supposed to be a hobby so just take your time if you want, since it's so long. Eventually you will make some progress. Honestly I haven't had a lot of time for reading either if it makes you feel better. I did make time to start our buddy read which I wanted to do before I replied to you cuz I read that you said you didn't like it as much, and wanted to see how I felt about it. only read 2 chapters so far. I thought it was okay, but I think the thing that threw me off was that I never read third person so I would have to get used to that. If you don't want to read it anymore for now though, I can also start the Night Circus..even if it's not October anymore lol. Also I realized that I might have been confusing the Starless Sea with the book that you said you hated..the house in the cerulean sea lol. I realized I don't even know what that book is about but maybe I will try to find it if I like the Night Circus. But another person I follow said they loved the Starless Sea too and it's definitely one of their favorites so I might have to check it out. Oh I did not know that about Only Murders but I know the newest season revolves around a theater show and does have music or singing in it so thats awesome. Also..I actually know nothing about hockey at all! I remember it was a category on connections at one point and I was so clueless, but I hope you had an awesome time at the game! Anyway have a blast listening to the album tonight and I will reply with my reactions and opinions so we can talk about it!!!!
i was just thinking about you, friend! i've been looking forward to hearing from you, but no pressure on when you pop into my askbox 🤍 i hope your week gets better soon, and you get to rest this weekend!! do you have anything fun planned?
ugh i love state of grace — i do prefer the acoustic but it's such a good song. "mosaic broken hearts" is one of my favorite phrases that taylor's ever written. and i was lowkey always surprised gold rush never made it on the eras setlist, but then also a lot of things about the eras setlist surprised me (like no mashups). her solo version of evermore is so good; i really hope there's a live album of the surprise songs!
and i did! i think the 300 coffees one is from is it over now, but i'm not sure what the aquamarine one is from! othe chasing shadows line is so good too, i love cardigan. i'm still upset it was cut from the movie (despite understanding why she did that). i'm really bad at guessing things so we'll see! i would love a slowish dreamy song, but i feel like 1989 will be more pop upbeat stuff this time. i'm going to listen in order, but i might actually listen to maisie's good witch deluxe first and then 1989!
i'm still holding out hope for a 3 am vinyl. i love the way midnight rain is done on tour (i think a lot of midnights is perfect for touring, actually). i do think that 1989 and midnights seem more like sisters, than midnights/anything else — including lover; what do you think?
and yay!! i'm so happy to see that you listened to holly again! i do think some of them sound a bit similar, and i think that my favorites from her ep (scarlett, the walls are way too thin, deep end, etc) still outrank how i feel about my favorites on PMBB, but am curious to see how that'll change with more listens/over time!
i think jordan fisher will be great, vocally! there's been a lot of jokes about if he shows up to work (from when they were in deh) but i think jordan's always been a very strong vocalist and i'm really interested in his interpretation! i've never seen sara in waitress, but i have some friends who REALLY love her, so i'm excited to one day see the proshot! i am so bad at watching things — it's been years and i still haven't watched the come from away proshot either, and i love that show. i loveeee megan mcginnis' voice, it's so pretty! i also really like how she sings in some things are meant to be (little women)! i remember that now 😭 sorry! i haven't looked into the gatsby musical too much after we talked about it!! i'll look at some reviews and then we can chat about it next time :")
i'm so glad you got to see gregory as marius before he left!! i just love his marius! and yes — i am so excited to buddy read! are we still buddy reading both books? which book did you get two chapters into? happy to match your pace, obviously! i am finishing up an audiobook (hopefully tonight) and then am good to start something else! i love the starless sea! but i do hate the house in the cerulean sea!! the house in the cerulean sea is probably up there for my least favorite books of all time (for many reasons). if you want i'll also buddy read starless sea with you! a quick note for night circus — pay attention to the dates! i didn't realize it wasn't chronological the first time i read it and had to restart after a friend pointed it out to me.
wait do you play connections daily!! i play connections religiously; i love it. i had a blast at that game, and i feel like every time i go see a game in person i get more into the sport — i've been watching the last two kraken games online, which has been really fun (i used to lowkey just follow updates but now i'm watching from home and learning a lot more)!
by the time you read + reply, you'll probably have listened to the vault tracks + good witch deluxe so i'll leave you with some questions! what were your favorites, and initial thoughts? least favorites? how accurate were your predictions?
hope you're having a good weekend + have some time to rest!! xx
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Top 10 Tracks of 2022
After being absolutely infuriated by the abhorrent journalism of TIME Magazine's Top 10 Tracks of 2022, I've decided to take it upon myself to list my Top 10 Tracks of 2022.
Here are what I believe to be the best tracks of the year:
10
SBTRKT - Miss The Days
SBTRKT's return to the musical sphere was a welcome one. After seeing incredible success from his self-titled album, he would go on to make the 2010s a very interesting year for electronic music indeed.
"Miss The Days" taps into that nostalgic Jungle/Drum 'n' Bass sound that has been missed since the 90s, ushering in a new era for his music and maybe even music in general.
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9
Poetically - Girls In High Heels
One of two Montaime singles on this list, Danish Electro prince, Poetically, cements his musical talents on a bombastic and flirtatious three minute affair that's not to missed in the slightest.
He's been hard at work on an album for a long time, so hopefully 2023 is the year we see that arise from his hard drive.
8
Christtt - Doomscroller
There's something very scary, but ultimately captivating about Christtt's "Doomscroller".
The artist, also known as John Zobele, who is known for many musical aliases and running the Business Casual record label, has been known in Vaporwave circles for years now.
Now, I don't really listen to Vaporwave myself, but I pressed play on the Spotify's Vaporwave playlist by accident and this came on shuffle and I was immediately hooked.
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7
Charlotte Adigery & Bolis Pupul - Blenda
Although this track technically came out in 2021, it featured on her 2022 debut album, so I'm giving it a pass.
"Blenda" is a eclectic electronic track by DEEWEE's finest, with more striking undertones when listened to at first glance.
Charlotte's lyrics about not being like other musicians because of the colour of her skin and not sounding like them either, drives home the message that racism is still prevalent in the music industry, but she's determined to strive above this.
Listen to her "Topical Dancer" too while you're at it.
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6
Yuni Wa - Without You
Yuni's been on quite the streak this year.
A great friend of mine, he's seen his monthly listeners on Spotify skyrocket and he's played multiple shows outside of his home state of Arkansas.
"Without You" is a brilliant track with thumping drums and echo-y soundscapes, that just guarantee a good time.
5
Joji - Glimpse of Us
I had to put this on the list somewhere, simply because it was very leftfield of Joji to make a track like this.
Usually he's known for his chilled out beats with a melancholic slice of lemon and ice, but "Glimpse of Us" really threw me off at first when first listening to it.
The fact that the track saw mainstream success in the charts and on TikTok, means that Joji really is an artist that will remain relevant for years to come and his grind to get to this point was well worth it.
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4
Jamie xx - LET'S DO IT AGAIN
Hearing this track at All Points East played by Jamie himself, back in 2021, I had to know what the track ID was and for the longest time I could never find it.
That was until Jamie released it himself and it became one of my feel-good anthems of the year.
It's a shame the follow-up to this single wasn't very good, but I still have high hopes for a new album, when and if he comes out with one.
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3
DJ BURRITO BOY - LOVE WORLD INC.
I had no idea who DJ BURRITO BOY was until this year and I'm so glad that I know about his music now.
"LOVE WORLD INC." is probably one of the most emotional Lo-fi House tracks I've heard of all time, with a tantalising rhythm and fantastic sampling.
Give this one a listen if you haven't yet.
2
DASH30 - Try
This was my favourite song of the year for quite some time, but DASH30's "Try" is an immensely supreme effort from the Idaho-based musician.
Released on Montaime, "Try" was conceived from a production challenge on Discord and then fully transformed into a full-blown track from DASH30 himself.
DASH30's musical depth shows no bounds, as he leaps from genre to genre in his musical career, starting with French Electro and now producing more melodic hits.
1
Carly Rae Jepsen - The Loneliest Time (feat. Rufus Wainwright)
I just want to say a massive fuck you to TikTok for putting me onto one of my favourite tracks of the year, by far.
But I shouldn't be speaking negatively about this track in anyway, it's an absolutely divine pop song which really gives me hope for the genre.
Perfect vocal work from Carly and Rufus cement this as probably one of my favourite pop songs of all time.
I need to listen to more Carly Rae Jepsen.
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yves.’S 2021 YEAR IN REVIEW
(2018) (2019) (2020)
(view the image in highest quality here!)
A look at something I wrote every month in 2021. All of the above excerpts can be read in order at this link, and I've included a few notes below on the pieces and months in question. It feels as though I spent so much of my time writing for Patreon and editing Forest Castles and so on, but there was still a lot of fresh content every single month!
JANUARY - In Her Arms (unpublished)
COVID's been pretty bad, hasn't it? I think it's been pretty bad. Wrote this piece almost a year ago now to deal with it, and have workshopped it several times since. Eventually I'll get a version I'm happy with, and then you'll see it published!
FEBRUARY - KAY Valentine's Drabble 2 (read online)
I made sure to come up with something to post for Valentine's Day 2021-- a cute little moment between Kay/Atlas, and then Constantine/Julia. Still warms my heart to read over this... that transphobic dad of Kay's isn't always completely useless!
MARCH - mortālēs (unpublished)
I've had a lot of ideas for erotica this year (all excerpts here are SFW!) but haven't managed to post them yet-- I'd probably put them on a separate NSFW writing blog, as I've mentioned before. Well, here's one, inspired by my sudden apparent interest in historical m/f.
APRIL - Silvia (unpublished)
While in the car on the way to a more wintry setting, I listened through the entire Miike Snow self-titled album, and was struck by a sudden intrigue caused by this song. Here was something out of the box, intense, explosive in its unrequited emotion. I could see it all playing out in my head, so clearly I knew I was coming up with a 'true' narrative totally disconnected from the original... but, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't set it to paper. I'm going to let it percolate.
MAY - Forest Castles (first two chapters)
Again, I did edit FC year-round, so I only displayed it here in months where I honestly couldn't find any other new writing (probably hiding in the depths of my Drive.) This was a fun scene to write, though who knows if it'll survive later cuts.
JUNE - THE LOVER RISES FROM THE ABYSS・恋人が黄泉から生えてくる (read online)
I wrote this flash piece in either early June or late May, and then I was stuck revising it for quite a while. You can read about the process of that on Patreon! I worried over it until I felt it couldn't be worried over one second more... and then I edited it as I posted it on Tumblr ^__^
JULY - Something Weird I Heard About Rebecca (available in BLOOD&BREATH zine)
I wrote this so long ago! And, honestly, I expected to spend even longer editing and submitting it, but when the Blood & Breath submission form came around, I knew it was perfect. Preorder the LGBT vampire zine before January 5th to read the story in beautiful, physical form!
AUGUST - Forest Castles (first two chapters)
Day One Hundred And Seventeen Billion: Eliza Is Still Stuck In White Castle. To be fair, though, I remember when I thought I'd never reach White Castle! I hit quite a block around here, which I am still unsnarling, and I like that I've chosen to lean much harder into Eliza's princess nature.
SEPTEMBER - WTWBingo drabbles (read online)
Oh, God, what a timesuck! In addition to The Death of The Author (more shortly), in joining the WTWBingo event, I found myself tormented by hundreds of ideas for drabbles! Thanks so much to the WTW folks for inspiring me to write 10,000 words of these stories.
OCTOBER - The Death of the Author (read online)
I love Halloween. I love Halloween writing, and I love Halloween Episodes. More than all of that, though, I love murder mysteries, and so I am thrilled to present to you, with no further context whatsoever, The Death of the Author.
NOVEMBER - The Proposal (unpublished)
More erotica, with an eerie amount of people waiting on it. Very, very simple romcom MILF nonsense, which apparently is not only a thing I can write but something other people might want to read. I absolutely loved this piece, and it was responsible for my incredible 8K start on Day One of NaNo.
DECEMBER - Exhaustively (read online)
Exhaustively's had a big edit, and I'm now formatting it to release in limited edition paperbacks, in honor of beloved Archivist Max @goose-books! I highly recommend taking a look at it in this graphic (instead of just in the transcribed version) for full formatting joy. Also, I wrote 10,000 words in a day... but that didn't make it in here.
Man, was I prolific this year! I really enjoyed my writing, and I explored all sorts of artistic nooks and crannies (as Patrons especially will appreciate, what with all the experiments and behind-the-scenes things posted to Patreon this year. Fun Patreon surprise coming for free shortly...)
I also spent a lot of time on non-writing writing things, such Exhaustively's formatting, and, well, this Year in Review! I tried to show myself how much of my work wasn't just sitting and writing but reading and thinking and promoting and posting, and I think it worked... though I do miss just-plain-writing this week, as I wrap up all these New Yearly loose ends.
This upcoming year, I want to work more steadily on Forest Castles. It's hard to fit in with all my other priorities, especially when I don't have too much time to write a day. Do I need to set aside an amount of time daily to get it done, or is it better to dedicate full days? That's something I am still exploring.
Finally, this year I began using 4thewords, and I quite like it! Makes writing addictive and much more naturally fun. If you'd like to join up, feel free to DM me any questions, and my referral code is LOMDY47116.
And please, if you feel inspired by this post, make your own! That links to my template, which shouldn't be too painful to use. Just hop in there and change my name to yours, and tag me when you're done so that I can see it!
As always, you can read all of my posted writing here, and if you’d like to support me, I have both a ko-fi for one-time donations and a Patreon for exclusive monthly content. Thanks for being here this year! It's been a big one for so many reasons, and I'm so grateful to have had you along. Have a wonderful 2022, and I'll see you then.
#wtwcommunity#writeblr#year in review#writers on tumblr#writeblr community#writeblr meme#writeblr game#tag game#(Though I'm not tagging people because as always IF YOU WANT TO YOU SHOULD JUST DO IT!)#txt#i have to say the first and most important thing to me is whether i like how it sounds...#2021#year in review 2021#summary of art#summary of writing#year in writing#excerpts#writing meme#writing game#important writing updates
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somebody to love [au]
Genres: Romantic, AU, Fluff, Songfic
Note: Sorry for stupid little mistakes, it's my clumsy translation:)
1986
At another noisy party Jacob Frye was actively leaning on beer and looking for some girl to whom he'd buzz all ears about the recently released album of Queen. He had already drunk a decent amount of beer, and now he was looking for a "victim". But the third girl turned up her nose, not wanting to listen, how brilliant the Queen's songs are. It's strange that he didn't manage to talk to anyone with the same success as when he was sober. He looked very well: perfectly styled and combed hair, leather jacket, black t-shirt and jeans. Frye was sure that he wouldn't leave here alone today, but hope of a hot continuation of the night for the third time slipped away.
Jacob walked down the corridor with a sigh, where only couples in love hung around. He looked into the living room, hoping to find one of his friends, Ezio or Edward, but they're not there. Suddenly, the gaze of green eyes stopped on girl sitting alone on sofa in front of TV. She looked quite nice, concluded the drunker mind of Jacob, who had already gone with the fourth attempt to prove the genius of Queen.
"Do you know, why the song "Somebody To Love" from new Queen's album is the best?" Frye asked, sitting impressively on the sofa next to the girl, placing his hand behind her.
She looked up from the contemplation of the glass with a drink in her hands, looking with a grin at Jacob, who was ready to smile triumphantly. Well, at least someone paid attention!
"Why?"
"Because it's my favorite song".
"You should have thought of something better for flirting", she snickered, and Jacob raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"Is it really that bad?"
"Terrible."
"Then, why you haven't left yet?" he snorted resentfully, not taking his eyes off the girl, who didn't stop smiling.
"I was waiting for a music lover like me to come up to talk", she shrugged, and Jacob smiled broadly, immediately suggesting that they go somewhere, where is quieter. She didn't refuse.
They left the house and went outside, where walked slowly towards the campus park. It was a warm summer night. Jacob didn't stop talking all the way, speaking with pleasure about his favorite band, and girl walked next to him, listening attentively, without interrupting. Soon they sat down on a bench, and Frye suddenly came to his senses.
"I'm sorry. Where is my politeness?" he reproached himself, smiling charmingly. "I'm Jacob. What's your name?"
"Gwen", she smiled, and drunk Frye caught himself thinking, that he'd never seen such a beatiful smile before. Perhaps, his hormones and a strong desire to have sex with someone today spoke in him, but girl was really beautiful.
"And... what do you listen?"
"I also like Queen, but I prefer Elton John", Gwen confessed.
"Elton John is a pop singer", Jacob sneered, but it didn't hurt her at all.
"He's a great pop singer. In general, I listen a lot of things."
"Can I rate your vinyl collection?" he arched his eyebrows playfully, directly hinting at his desires at the moment, which made Gwendolyn laugh heartily. "What? Is that even worse than the first one?"
Gwen gave him a curt nod and a friendly pat on his shoulder.
"Unfortunately, you won't have sex tonight, Jacob."
The girl got up from bench and slowly headed towards to the women's dormitory. Jacob, outraged by this turn of events, jumped up from seat and caught up with her. Now he was walking in front of Gwen.
"Tell me, would you sleep with me?"
"Only to Elton John's songs", she joked, and Jacob rolled his eyes.
"Would you? Seriously."
"Good night, Jacob", Gwendolyn said. Frye saw off his last hope for sex tonight and decided to return to the dormitory with a disappointed sigh. The evening was definitely not a good one from the beginning.
In upset feelings, Frye went into the room, to which his neighbor hadn't even returned yet. This only made him more upset than before. He flopped down on the bed and stared at the ceiling in silence until he fell into a deep sleep.
The next day, from the morning, Jacob went extremely dissatisfied, and this didn't go unnoticed by his friends. At lunchtime, as usual, they gathered at the same table in the large students dining room, chatting about the latest events and about something else quite insignificant. Jacob didn't really listen, taking to part in the conversation, although he usually always teased them.
"You're so quiet today, Frye", Edward remarked with his mouth full.
"All girls refused him yesterday", Ezio grinned maliciously cathcing his friend's displeased look. "Really, there wasn't a single girl, who would like to listen to your rave reviews about the latest Queen's album?"
"Go to Hell, Ezio", Jacob snapped.
"You should have heard his flirting on a drunken stupor... If I were a not very smart girl, I wouldn't have fuck with him either", Arno laughed, and a loud, friendly guffaw rolled around their table, but Jacob didn't care. Suddenly, he noticed among the crowd of students a girl, who confessed her love for works of Elton John yesterday. Due to the fact that Frye had drunk too much, he didn't really see her, but he remembered, that she was short with dark brown hair. Now, seeing her with friends, Jacob noticed, that she's really attractive. Especially in this light cotton dress with striped tights.
"Hey, what are you staring at?" Edward waved his hand in front of Frye's face, but Jacob didn't react in any way. His friends followed his gaze.
"Oh, what a cute little one", Auditore smiled. "Will you come to her, Jacob?"
Waking up from a slight obsession, Jacob didn't answer anything, jumped up from his seat and quickly closed the distance to table, where Gwendolyn was sitting. He took an empty chair, turned it back forward and sat down with them as if nothing had happened, which caused girls to stop chatting.
"Oh, Queen fan himself", Gwen grinned, her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail today.
Her friends looked at each other with same grin on their faces.
"I want to ask you have a dinner with me", Jacob smiled, ignoring the others. Right now, he was completely engrossed in the big brown eyes. There was a gleam of interest in them. "Agree. You'll like it."
"Only if you turn on Abba's "Dancing Queen" on your player, heavy metal lover", Gwen said with a giggle, looking very pleased, when Jacob was confused, apparently not immediately understanding, what was it.
"But this is —" he tried to be indignant.
"So, this is also shitty music?" girl interrupted, making an impassive face and turning away from him. But Jacob wasn't going to give up just like that. And if he gave up so easily, he wouldn't be himself.
"Okay, okay! We'll listen to all your favorite music, if you agree to have a dinner with me!"
Gwendolyn turned her attention back to him and smiled warmly. Jacob smiled back.
"Fine. Friday evening?"
"No. Tonight."
"But I have —"
"You've already agreed", Frye interrupted with a wink. Girl exchanged glances with her friends, and they nodded approvingly to her. "I meet you after all classes, right? Just tell me number of the audience."
Gwen called the right class and time, and Jacob, smiling at all girls, hurried back to the table to his friends, who'd watched the whole scene from the beggining. Now his mood is just fine.
It was very hard to wait for the evening. It seemed that time was deliberately dragging on too long, delaying the moment of a date with a girl, who seemed to love music as much as he did. At least, she knew who Queen was, and Jacob was ready to marry her. Of course, this is a rather loud statement, but how nice it was for him. That's why he was waiting so long for half past six in the evening to be at the audience number "345".
The bell rang, and the students, one by one, began to leave the history lesson. Jacob looked for Gwendolyn, who had gone out in the company of her friends. Noticing Frye, she said goodbye to them and approached him with a smile.
"Where are you taking me?"
"To a small but very nice bar on the outskirts of Cambridge", he smiled, offering to take his arm. The girl didn't mind.
"Is it far away?"
"I have a car."
Jacob was the proud owner of a red Mustang, a model of the seventy-fourth year, which made him the envy of almost everyone on campus. And he often drove girls on it. Everyone was in love with this car, including him.
Frye gallantly opened the door for Gwen, and she climbed into the salon.
"Will I turn on Queen?" Jacob asked, already sitting behind the wheel.
"Oh, no", Gwen giggled. She took a cassette of Elton John's new album out of her backpack. "Please. Listen to at least a couple of songs, and then, if you don't like it at all, turn on your own."
"All right, a pop fan", Jacob said with a mockery in his voice, and she just laughed, so sincerely that something jumped in his heart. The cassette was in the tape recorder, and the salon was filled with pleasant notes from the song "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word". Jacob began to listen the words, and Gwen began to sing along softly. The song was touching, a little sad, but he really liked it. It even made him think about how lonely he really was, but all the longing was knocked down by the next "Between Seventeen and Twenty", which seems to be perfect for driving.
A completely different plan for the evening with Gwen was born in Jacob's head, very different from the original one. So they stopped at the nearest store, bought food and a couple of bottles of beer. The Mustang was parked on a high hill with an impressive view of the whole of Cambridge. Jacob liked to come here alone, enjoy music and think about everything in the world. It was a private place, but now he is ready to share it with Gwen.
"Do you like Elton?" the girl was curious when the tape ended, and Jacob turned off the engine.
"Exceeded all my expectations", he said honestly. With the next tape, he turned on Queen. While the first songs were playing, the couple talked about everything, getting to know each other better. Jacob liked Gwendolyn more and more, and he saw in her something like a kindred spirit.
As soon as the food was eaten and the beer was drunk, Jacob got out of the car with Gwen. In the cold of the evening, he offered to dance. Exactly at this moment, his favorite "Somebody To Love" started playing. Jacob began to dance and sing along, not taking his eyes off the girl, who couldn't help but smile. Their hands were constantly intertwined. He pulled her to waist, already singing along to Freddie in a half-whisper.
Frye's voice caressed her ears, and Gwen felt a magical warmth spread in her chest. It was something incredible. She had never experienced anything like this with any guy before. Jacob was special. And suddenly she understood, why he liked this particular song so much.
"Why did you stop smiling? What is it?" he asked, stopping when he noticed her sad look.
"I feel like I'm in this song, too", Gwen said seriously, looking into his green eyes. "It seems that it doesn't sound sad, but... its meaning is very close to me. I understand why you like it so much, Jacob."
Frye raised his eyebrows in surprise, but didn't interrupt her.
"You're the same. Behind the external fun and recklessness, you hide your loneliness, you just want someone to love you as selflessly and endlessly as you are ready to love someone", Gwendolyn smiled sadly, gently stroking his shoulders, realizing from his discouraged face, that she'd hit the nail on the head. Jacob remained in a sincere stupor for several minutes, gradually agreeing with every word she said.
"I'm sorry if I —" Gwen hurried to add, because the silence dragged on, but she didn't have time to finish. Jacob leaned over and kissed her gently on the lips.
The girl answered with pleasure, smiling through the kiss.
"Can I call you Gwenny?" Jacob asked when the air in his lungs ran out. Gwen nodded, receiving another kiss. "Please be my... my girlfriend, Gwenny."
"If you turn on Abba's Mama Mia", Gwen joked, and Frye laughed.
"I'm ready to turn on anything, as long as you're be mine."
They laughed together and danced to their favorite songs for the rest of the night. As soon as the notes of "Mamma Mia" rang out, Gwen began to sing along, without taking her eyes off Jacob, who was looking at her with the most satisfied look, falling more and more in love with every second. He felt, that he would never be as happy with anyone as with this girl. On the last chorus, she came close, pressing her whole body against him, put her arms around his neck and kissed him a couple of times on the scar on his cheek, and whispered on his lips:
"My, my, I could never let you go."
Jacob smiled broadly, drowning in blissful oblivion and forgetting about everything around him. His whole world now consisted of cassettes with his favorite songs, a red mustang, a beautiful and happy Gwendolyn in his arms, and an evening that instantly stopped being cold. And only the happiest time was waiting for them ahead.
#assassin's creed syndicate#assassin's creed#jacob frye#jacob x gwen#fanfiction#fanfics#my fanfic#fanfic#au#romantic au#1980#fluff#ubisoft#game#stupid little things#collage#photoshop#aethestic#drabble#original female character#gwendolyn mortimer
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Gorillaz: Humanz
SHere it is, the comeback tour! I was so excited for this album, I sucked all the singles that came out before I could download the album. This album basically reminded me of the reasons I love Gorillaz. All of them. One particular reason a little too well...
Okay, let's get the elephant out of the room. This album is a bit controversial among the community for playing a little too hard to one of Gorillaz' strengths: showcasing cool artists. There are more than a few tracks where Damon doesn't even show up. Hell, my favorite track doesn't even have it on him. Me, I honestly don't care about that as long as I get to hear good music but for the rest of you die hard Gorillaz fans? Just think of this as a compilation album like NOW That's What I Call Alternative/Indie Hip-Hop/R&B/Electronica/Pop.
See? Rolls off the tongue. Now let's get started.
1. Intro: I Switched My Robot Off
Nice. Real ominous. Gorillaz really know how to build up a presentation. Feels like you're walking through the doors of the doors to the Shrine of the Silver Monkey. Anybody remember Legends of the Hidden Temple? Were there doors on that stage? Anyway, awesome.
10/10
2. Ascension
Holy hell, Vince really knocks it out of the park on this one. Different beat, nice flow, social commentary...He was not fucking around on this track. Damon's barely on the track but Vince makes up for it with his existential rhymes and chorus back-up. Man, Gorillaz has gotta take advantage of gospel more often.
9/10
3. Strobelite
That didn't take long, did it? Anyway, this is my favorite song on the album. Peven has an incredible voice, the music psychically compels you to dance and...that's it. Sometimes, well usually with me, you just need to go with Simple Yet Awesome. Have a good voice and a good beat. This song has both and I'm pretty sure that one day, a scientist will hear this song and will be inspired by it to cure diabetes.
100/10
4. Saturn Barz
Ah, the lead single from the album. Remember the 360 house, everyone? Yeah, you remember. Glad to have Gorillaz welcome back Reggae into their line-up with Popcaan manning the helms. He and Damon tag-team the eardrums with the power of dread as the instrumentation makes you feel like you're in a haunted house. Welcome back, guys.
25/10
5. Momentz
WELCOME BACK, GUYS! De La Soul returns to say some real shit about time and how you should, respect and stuff. Seriously, awesome track. Kicks so much ass and you can even dance to it as you wonder if this MOMENT will be one of the last times when you feel really happy. Nice...
9/10
6. Interlude: The Non-Conformist Oath
Hey, Steve Martin! I like to imagine a bunch of assholes listening to this and...just not getting it. Not us though. We get it. We're smart. Smarter than those guys...
10/10
7. Submission
This song had to grow on me but years after I got the album and after I learned to appreciate Danny Brown a little more like all humans should, this song became one of my favorites off the album. Don't worry Kelela, he doesn't carry the whole song. Her voice is so beautiful that it can calm a charging rhino or a coked-up Connor McGregor. These make the song a lot classier than it had any right being.
90/10
8. Charger
She's beauty, she's Grace...she's also Jones. Man, I haven't heard from this woman since Corporate Cannibal and she has clearly been keeping up practice. God, how can a woman's laughter both scare and arouse me? Damon's no slouch on this track either, singing about the monster that keeps us all tethered: the charger. I kid, I kid. Hey, did Damon really get a boner on stage when he sung this or are you guys messing with me? Message me if you know.
9/10
9. Interlude: Elevator Going Up
On a recent trip, I tried to go up the elevator but it was card-activated so a desk lady had to help me. That's it.
8/10
10. Andromeda
Damon has to do the heavy lifting here and his muscles have not completely wasted away from lack of use. He tells us to take in our heart and you know what? I did. I took this song directly in my heart...and my playlist.
50/10
11. Busted And Blue
Yeah, this song is a bummer. A good bummer. It's Broken's younger brother who joined the army to make his parents proud after he couldn't get into university like his older brother who managed to form a separate family with his squad and began to think that maybe he was good enough after all before his squad gets bombed and, as he lies legless dying painfully on the ground, a blue butterfly land directly on his outstretched busted hand...
Directed by Mervyn LeRoy
10/10
12. Interlude: Talk Radio
You ever wonder how we get voices in machines? I know you think it's a complicated process but I know a dude who picked up the radio in his electric fan once. Think about it.
8/10
13. Carnival
Again, this song had to grow on me but one day, while I was thinking about Gamzee for a godforsaken reason, I thought "Geez, he talks about the Dark Carnival and the Dark Carnival isn't even some of ICP's best days. What's a good song about a carnival?" Anyway, Anthony can spin a person's mind and mind around just by singing. He's wild.
80/10
14. Let Me Out
Hey, wouldn't it be funny if Mavis was Vince's mother? She's not but that would be funny as well as cool. Her and Pusha T bang on the walls of this track as they rant about the politics at the time of this song. Yeah, they're talking about Trump. That car horn can't protect you forever, you orange bastard.
9/10
15. Interlude: Penthouse
Dear Penthouse: Hi. Does anyone check in on you, just you? I'm here to say I think you're important and you provide a necessary outlet for men to brag about being perverts. At least before the Youtube comment section existed.
Thanks for everything,
mytastessuck
8/10
16. Sex Murder Party
Ooooo, this track puts me in a funky mood. Like, there's a part but there's sex there...and MURDER. So you know it's an awesome party. Kick-ass, right? I know it's kick-ass. Keep dancing, people.
11/10
17. She's My Collar
Pretty sexy song. Gotta love people vauging about being used in a song. That's why we love Offspring, that's why we love Damon on his knees onstage. Hey, there was a post that said Noodle wrote this song about her girlfriend. That was an excellent post. Well done.
9/10
18. Interlude: The Elephant
I SAID GET OUT OF HERE, YOU BASTARD!
8/10
19. Hallelujah Money
Ah, the technical first single. Remember when they said that they weren't going to put this song on the album? Anyway, this is exactly the song we needed after The Incident occurred. Benjamin manages to calm down an entire populace while Damon just fearfully wonders what our future will be like...and he's in the UK. This song is one long terrifying lullaby to an entire country...until the end, anyway.
75/10
20. We Got The Power
A great way to remind listeners that no matter what's happening, no matter who's in charge, we have the power change everything. An excellent message for people who were still recovering from The Incident.
10/10
21. Interlude: New World
Okay, the bonus tracks. Should be nothing special here, right? Just some B-sides and I've never shown favoritism towards B-sides, right?
8/10
22. The Apprentice
A nice song from the same Rag n' Bone Man who brought us "Human". Zebra manages to lay down some nice rhymes as Ray BLK backs them both up with the force of her voice. These guys should form a team with how well they work together. Oh, they should make a virtual band! All they need to do is find an artist...
9/10
23. Halfway To The Halfway House
A very nice song if a bit overshadowed by the others on the album. Still, Peven can't be beat when it comes to crooning and he raises a song from a solid C to a B.
8/10
24. Out of Body
This song had to grow on me also but when it did...lord, this song is weird. Hypnotic suggestions, telephone tones, the song starts then Zebra jumps in to help then who is this person?! Why are people applauding?! Who are you people?! Why are there so many crows gathering outside my house?!
60/10
25. Ticker Tape
Well well well, look who's back. Damon returns with his old friend Kali to join the accuser of the vain Carly Simon to beg us to stay on the album. Sorry Damon, but I got places to do and people to go. There's nothing you can do to convince me to stick around after how long this album already is.
9/10
26. Circle of Friendz
Huh. Seems like a riot is going on. Weird for Gorillaz to get this real. What, this guy is just going to keep saying Circle of Friendz again and again? Is this supposed to affect me? Get real. It'll take a lot more than a nice voice and implications to...
To...
...
...Maybe I should listen to the album again.
11/10
Album score: 25/10
Damn, that took a while. Shouldn't be the case next week when we cover The Now Now. See you then!
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Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Eight
A/N: Just saying the story is picking up pace after this part so get ready.
Words: 3.4K
Warning(s): Explicit language, mentions of drug abuse
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I watch as Tommy and Nikki finish up their MTV interview to promote the new album, Nikki glancing at me every now and then.
"And, before we go, can you repeat those dates again for the release of the video of first single and the debut of the album?"
"Uh, the 'Girls, Girls, Girls' video--we're filming for that around the end of the month, the album's coming out between May fifth and May tenth, probably." Nikki states.
"Alright, you heard it here. May is gonna be the month of Mötley Crüe, obviously when those release details become more specific we will let you all at home know but for now just keep your eyes on May. Nikki, Tommy, it's always a great talk anytime you're in the studio with us, we appreciate you dropping by."
"No problem." Nikki says.
"Anytime, Dude." Tommy adds.
"Good luck with the album, it's gonna be at the top of the charts when it's out, I guarantee."
"Thanks, we really appreciate that." Tommy nods.
"And good luck also with shooting the video, I'm sure plenty of our audience will be looking forward to all the women, and of course we'll be looking forward to all the censoring we're gonna have to edit in." The interviewer's last line is sarcastic as he shakes their hands, and they laugh. "Nikki Sixx and Tommy Lee of Mötley Crüe, folks. Don't go anywhere." He finishes as they cut, and Nikki waves me over, sitting his coffee cup down to reach for my water bottle in my hand.
I give it to him and he nearly drinks the entire thing before handing it back to me.
"Thank you, babe." He says to me, letting out a breath as the interviewer bids them one last "goodbye" as they stand up and stretch.
We have to meet Mick, Vince and Doc at their rehearsal space so they can continue their auditions for background singers.
So far, the girls that have tried out are either gorgeous but can't sing, and the ones who can sing like Whitney Houston aren't "hot enough to be on the same stage as Mötley Crüe", even though I've seen them hook up with far worse.
I haven't said a word about 'You're All I Need' because the giant, heavy scratch my key left on the entire passenger side of Nikki's brand new car will say plenty when he finally notices it.
So far he hasn't even driven the thing since he's been back. It's just been in the garage.
"...Okay, thank you for your time." Nikki pipes to the pretty dark-haired girl with almost honey colored eyes.
I think she's on the "hot but talentless" list.
"Dude, we're never gonna find fucking singers." Tommy groans, rubbing his face.
"Viv, can you sing?" Vince whines.
"Like chalk against a chalk board." I reply blankly and he sighs.
"All this has been is just hours and hours of disappointment with a few good blowjobs in between." Vince states.
"Just shut up and be patient." Mick tells them.
Doc sends the next girl in, and I see everyone's faces light up because she's pretty.
Blonde hair, a nice figure, and she dresses the part.
"Hi." She greets us with a smile.
"Hi." Vince grins back.
"I-I'm Donna McDaniel." She says next.
"Okay, here's some lyrics." Nikki hands her a sheet of paper with the main lines of a few of their songs she'd have to sing backup for and she takes it. "Start when you're ready."
The relief on their faces when she starts, makes me want to laugh.
She's attractive and she can sing.
"When you leave, tell Doc that we're interested, and he'll lead you to where you can stay until we finish up." Nikki informs her and she nods, handing the music back to him.
"Thank you." She tells them as she steps out.
"No, thank you." Vince says out of earshot, looking a little more hopeful that they'll find their second singer.
And sure enough, they do.
Within forty more minutes, they're sending everyone else home after another blonde, named "Emi" but she pronounces it "Amy", comes in.
I can see Vince's mind churning up how to get her and Donna to fuck around with him, and Nikki can see it, too.
Once Emi is sent to wait with Donna, Nikki's going into military sergeant mode.
"If we hire them," he starts, pointing at Tommy and Vince, "nobody fucks them. Got it?"
"What? Why?" Vince looks heartbroken.
"You don't shit in your own backyard, man, that's why. They're employees, we're the bosses."
"Yeah, Vinnie, we can't have employees having us wrapped around their finger." Tommy adds with a nod.
"It's the easiest pussy there possibly will ever be, are you serious?" Vince complains.
"If it's so easy, why did they both turn you down already?" I point out and he glares at me.
"Just. Don't. Fuck. Them. Got it?" Nikki sternly asks.
I guess now is a good time to mention that Nikki fucked Donna on the "Girls" tour.
The closer we got to tour, the more adamant Nikki was about cutting his addiction.
But, despite him constantly saying "I'm done with it" and throwing away everything to get high on, I'd always find him crawling around in our yard, naked, with his shot gun...carrying on about midgets and Mexicans.
It wouldn't take the neighbors five minutes to call and let me know he was out there.
Trying to tell them a believable excuse was the hard part.
I let out a soft breath, pulling the covers tighter over me, drifting further and further into sleep as the sound of our ceiling fan and Nikki flickering his lighter from the closed closet every now and again moves through the room, and lulls me to sleep.
I don't know what time it is when I wake up to the sound of Nikki screaming, running out of our room, but I force myself to sit up as quickly as I can and go after him.
I turn on the light in the hallway just in time to see him pressing the "panic" button on our security system contact box, which alerts West Tech, our security company, and they send out one of their people to come check on the situation.
"Nikki, what the hell?!" I ask him and he turns to look at me, pissed off and paranoid.
"I'm tired of these bastards not giving us any peace."
"W-What? Who?"
"You know who!"
"Nikki, what are you talking about?!"
He had smoked his crack and convinced himself our security had bugged the house and were watching him, constantly.
Then, he had decided "no, it's the FBI that's watching me" and gained the courage to set off the alarm to our security that something wasn't right.
And then, by the time West Tech arrived, Nikki was turning on them, again.
"Nikki, let me get to the door." I tell him calmly as the knocking continues.
"Fuck off!" Nikki shouts.
"Mr. Sixx, it's Chris with West Tech--"
"--Get off of my fucking property or I'll fucking shoot you!" He screams as we stand on the other side of the door, his shotgun ready. "You motherfuckers have bugged my house and I'm not fucking taking it anymore!"
"Mr. Sixx--"
They stop trying the second Nikki cracks the door open, and points his gun at all of them.
I hear them scatter to their van, the tires screeching as they quickly make a break for it.
He slams the door shut and locks it, the both of us waiting in silence until we decide they're gone.
"You called our security...then shot at them because they answered the call..." I point out to him, exhausted, and he looks down at me. "I'm sleeping in the guest bedroom." I state.
I lock the door behind me and climb into the bed, hearing Nikki go back to our bedroom, and I envy Karen for staying over at a friend's house because Nikki is starting to really wear me down with his shit.
The next few nights consists of Nikki, Tommy, me and the director working on the music video, Wayne Isham, trying to decide what strip club would be best to film the video for "Girls, Girls, Girls" at.
And me and Nikki arguing over another matter that is too be determined:
"I said I'm not gonna be in the video." I repeat to Nikki, crossing my arms and he raises a brow.
"Babe, it's not that serious." Nikki states.
"I already told you I'm not comfortable with it."
"You wear bikinis all the time, you wear thongs and bras all the time...It's not like I'm gonna have you up there topless or anything." He motions to the stage of the Seventh Veil.
"Nikki, I'm not comfortable with it. Why can't you just let that go?"
"Why can't you be more fun?"
"Nikki, it's fine if she doesn't want to." Tommy lightly tells him with a chuckle.
Nikki doesn't even hear him, too busy focusing on me to see if he cracked me or not.
"Are you fellas good on drinks?" A scantily clad cocktail waitress asks us.
"We're fine, thanks." Wayne tells her with a decent amount of class...but that doesn't sit well with Tommy and Nikki.
"Okay, my name's Tabby if you guys need anything, let me know."
Before she can smile and walk away, Tommy's stopping her.
"Actually, there is something else, Tabby." He states, smiling, and she grins politely.
"What can I get for you?"
He motions for her to come closer and he gets in her ear, with Nikki smirking, knowing exactly what he was proposing to the pretty brunette.
Her face pales, and she glances at me before awkwardly giving Tommy nudge with her elbow as if he were joking.
His face shifts to one of seriousness.
"What, you think I'm joking?" He asks her and she tries to keep from looking too uncomfortable, giving all of us a small smile before saying:
"I've gotta get back to work. Let me know when you guys need a refill, you know it's on the house."
She walks away and Nikki and Tommy chuckle.
That was the first time I had seen a woman get uncomfortable around the guys.
Usually they were all for whatever it is Tommy or Vince suggest doing with them...I later found out Tommy had suggested to Tabby that he and Nikki meet her in the bathroom to tag team her.
That's why she had looked almost sick looking at me, when he was whispering in her ear.
She was probably thinking:
"Bless her naive heart."
Me nor Wayne bother to ask any questions about the incident before we're getting ready to go.
The guys and Wayne talk to the owner about possibly shooting the video and he's all for it, giving them the day after tomorrow to get it done.
I'm too busy thinking about what Nikki said earlier to really listen all that much.
"Why can't you be more fun?" who the hell does he think he is? Oh, right, he's "NiKkI fUcKiNg SiXx."
Once we're stepping outside and telling Wayne "bye", Nikki and Tommy are putting in to going to the Cathouse.
I just want to go home.
"I don't feel like going all the way back home, then coming all the way back." Nikki complains and I furrow my brows a little.
"Nikki, it's..." I grab his wrist to pull his jacket sleeve up and look at his watch. It's nearly 3:00am. "...2:53."
"Then just call a cab." He suggests.
"Are you on smack right now?" I don't sugarcoat the question. "You're being a bigger asshole than you are when you're sober." I add.
"Fuck off!" He snaps at me.
I can tell Tommy wants to say something, but keeps quiet.
"Fine." I say, turning on my heel to the payphone down the way.
I realize I don't have any money to pay for it, but before I can go back and ask Nikki for some change, he and Tommy are off.
So I find my next option.
I walk nearly an hour to the Franklin and get to where Duff's staying, only to find him, and none of the guys are home.
I feel like crying, but decide this isn't the end of the world before I calm down and sit by his door like a lost puppy.
I wake up to the feeling of someone nudging me awake with their shoe, and I'm met with Izzy looking down at me.
"Izzy." I greet him.
"Viv." He replies blankly. "Did you leave or were you thrown out?" He asks me and I roll my eyes before he gives me the slightest hint of a smile before it fades and he's nodding across the hall. "C'mon."
I stand up as he unlocks his apartment and motions me inside.
"You can stay here until Duff gets in." He says.
"Thank you." I reply, sitting on the couch as he hands me a shitty blanket.
"I'm gonna go scrub the lipstick and regret from my balls." He informs me, heading to the bathroom.
"At least you regret it." I say back.
"Nah, I don't regret getting a blowjob from a random girl, I regret not nailing her." He corrects me and I don't even hide my laughter.
Once he's done, he's stepping across the hall to see if Duff's back. Apparently he is because Izzy's coming to get me.
"Fuck off, Sixxette." He takes the blanket from me and I gladly head towards Duff's place.
When I get inside, Duff's passed out on the couch, snoring, and smelling like a bar.
I walk over to him, gently shaking him awake, and he let's out another groan.
"Go away." He waves his hand, his eyes closed, and I raise a brow.
"Duff, it's Viv. C'mon, at least go get in your bed so you won't feel worse tomorrow."
He perks up at the sound of my voice, lifting his head, rubbing his eyes.
"I've...is this a dream? 'Cause usually you're naked and 'Purple Rain' is playing." He slurs and I feel my face heat up in embarrassment.
"No, it isn't a dream...and I didn't need to know that but thank you, I guess." I reply, pulling his boots off.
I help him stand, his tall, lanky figure towering over me.
"You look pretty, were you on a date?" He asks when I get him to sit on his bed, helping him not fall over as he tries to take off his shirt and gets caught in it.
"Er...kinda?" I shrug and he nods. "Were you on a date?" I ask when a condom wrapper falls from his jacket and he scrunches his face up.
"Er...kinda." He replies in the same tone, rubbing his face and I laugh. "Hey, I'm a bachelor now, Viv. I'm gullible. I mean elgib--no, estrang...or amb...what the fuck is that word?"
"Eligible?"
"Yeah, that one." He coughs, taking his belt off as I pick up his scattered dirty clothes and put them against his wall in a pile.
When I turn back around, I get a split-second's worth of an eyeful of him completely naked and snap back around, covering my eyes.
"Ohh...I should've told you I'm freeballing." He says.
"Just..." I turn around, keeping my eyes closed, holding my hand out for his pants so I can put them in the pile with his other clothes.
"Are you reaching for it or something?" He laughs and, again, my face is bright red.
"No, Duff, I'm not reaching for it. I need your pants." I inform him.
He laughs some more, throwing the pants my way and I take them and put them in the pile as he crawls into bed and under the covers.
"By the way, it's bigger than that." He informs me and I furrow my brows and look at him.
"What?"
"It's cold in here so..."
I realize he's referring to his dick and I scream internally.
"...Okay, Duff, too much informa--"
"--I'm packing. That's all I'm saying. I'm like a can of Spam. Lotta meat in--"
"--Shh!" I blush even more, squeezing my eyes shut.
"Oh, oops."
"Jeez. Goodnight, Duff." I'm about to go sleep on the couch.
"Where ya going?" He asks me when I turn the light off.
"Sleeping on the couch."
"You can sleep in here, I can take the couch." He sits up.
"No, no. You're not gonna feel good tomorrow just sleep in here, really, it's fine."
"Well, are you gonna be okay? You don't sleeping by yourself."
I sigh, wishing it were that simple.
"Duff, we can't do that. Nikki wrote an entire song about wanting to kill me, and it was because he thinks something's happening between you and I." I explain.
"Nikki accusing you of cheating?" There's an uncomfortable wait before he says, "that's fucking rich."
"Yeah, well, he doesn't like it so out of respect for him--"
"--I don't fucking respect him." He mumbles.
"Duff, you're drunk. Just sleep it off."
"You're right. I should shut the fuck up let the universe deal him his fucking cards."
I ignore him saying so, turning to leave, but I stop myself.
I'm only here to begin with because Nikki couldn't just take me back home.
I step back to the bed, taking my heels and jacket off.
I take the extra pillow under mine and put it between us as I get into bed.
"Goodnight, Duff." I say quietly, turning my back to him.
"G'night, Viv."
Nikki would have had an absolute fit had he known, then again, I wasn't fucking Duff, I had no intention of doing so, and I told Nikki exactly where I ended up staying the next day.
The sun glitters through the window of Duff's room, hitting my face, and I blink my eyes open, feeling Duff breathing in and out.
Sometime during the night I must've broken past the pillow partition because, although I'm facing away from him, my back is pulled to his side, the side of my face is resting against his bicep, my shoulder tucked under the pit of his arm, and the arm that my face is against, is wrapped around me, his hand resting against my stomach.
I turn to look at him, seeing his peaceful expression as he sleeps contently.
My mind drifts back to that dream I once had about him.
I hate that Nikki thinks anything is going on between Duff and I, but it's my fault.
I lied about seeing him, I lied by omittion at the beginning by not even telling Nikki about him...a part of me wants to think if I were to tell Nikki about me dreaming I had sex with Duff, it'd be a wake up call that our issues are more serious than he believed.
I mean, when you're in a committed relationship and you can picture yourself having sex with someone you're close to, to the point your subconscious creates this entire fantasized scenario, there's something wrong that needs to be talked about.
But another part of me knows he'll flip his shit, call me a "whore" and probably file for divorce.
So, keeping it to myself it is.
My eyes go to my crucifix lying on the bedside table, and I reach out for it.
I taken it off last night when I felt too guilty for sweeping in the same bed as Duff, knowing Nikki wouldn't like it.
I thought if I took it off, I wouldn't feel bad anymore.
And I didn't.
When I was a teenager I would take that necklace off anytime I did something I thought my mother would disapprove of. Whether it was cheating on homework assignments, or, eventually, fucking Nikki Sixx.
I ended up picking that habit back up once Duff and I started getting closer, except instead of avoiding the disapproval of my mother, I was fleeing the disapproval of Nikki.
One thing I didn't take in to consideration, however, taking it off left me at risk for leaving a track.
Just like Mick had put together I had slept with Nikki because my crucifix was on his bedroom floor back in '81, halfway through the "Girls" tour with Guns N' Roses, I accidentally left my track on the bathroom counter in Duff's room, where Nikki went to throw up while he was hanging out with him, Slash, and Steven.
What they should teach in children's church: if you're going to sin, keep any religious jewelry or articles of clothing on.
Whomever the hell you worship already knows you're up to no good.
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