The only motivation that’s getting me to gradually pack up my apartment in anticipation of moving within the next couple months is that once I move & have made sure the new apartment meets my criteria (roomy, doesn’t get dangerously hot like this one, tenant rules, etc.), I am getting a kitty beast or two if I can. I am tired of being the only creature under my roof.

Practice retirement day...

Yesterday I had a holiday from work, and for the first time in a long time, it was just a day off. I didn’t have anything planned (and the one appointment I did have scheduled was moved to a non-holiday date). I was home alone—no kids, no spouse.

I decided that it would be a great time to trial acting like I’m retired. What does that mean? Well, it means setting an alarm (yes, an alarm) and getting up and getting myself ready as if I’m working from home. Because when I’m retired, that’s exactly what I’ll be doing, but instead of Current Day Job, I’ll be writing.

And I did.

I moved between productive writing-related times and doing tasks around the house that needed to be done. I did the dishes, folded the weekend laundry and put it away, dealt with phone calls and some vacation planning. I also reviewed more self-publishing information, completed the basic layout for FTR (as much as  I can do until I get the IBSNs and cover), created a layout template for the Seven Lakes books in general, and created a logo for my indie-pub company.

I even made time for PT for my neck, back, and hips, and for snuggling of kitties. And for anime.

My focused writing time was only about 3 hours total, but I got a LOT done, and I was relaxed.

It was freakin’ bliss.

Being back to the day job is hard. I’m quite honestly daydreaming about when writing IS my day job. When I’m able to do the things I love, and get a lot done AND relax at the same time.

When spouse worries that he’ll never retire, I remind him that if I can actually make money at this writing gig, while we also have retirement money saved, then YES, he can retire. We’ll have an income. It’ll work out.

Right now I’m just thrilled to have finally been able to pilot a properly organized day. I want to create a schedule that I can adapt to weekends to see if I can get better about protecting my writing time then, too. It’s harder when there are more outside demands. But maybe I can do it, by demonstrating how well it works when I’m alone.

What this does mean is that I’m getting closer to being able to put Finding Their Roots out into the world. I have the next steps on my to-do list (which I’ll hopefully be attacking tonight).

Then it’s time to start planning books. And writing. 

I think once the first book is out, it’ll get easier. It’s the publishing/marketing/etc. process that is harming my ability to write. I think if I can create a procedure, map it out and be able to repeat it later, it won’t be so overwhelming.

It’s a thought, anyway.

And hey, if you might be interested in getting an ebook as a review copy of the first book in a new MLM series, let me know. It’s paranormal romance, and slightly spicy. Small fictional magical community in the Adirondacks, and a POV character who… keeps forgetting that magic exists, to the point where he doesn’t know it exists at all. Which is interesting, considering growing up he was a member of a werewolf pack… 

I love this series, and I hope readers will too. I’m happy to provide some copies of the ebook, once it’s fully packaged, in exchange for honest reviews.

I have… digressed.

But see, that’s the thing. Getting to focus on writing and writing-related tasks makes me excited about it again.

Counting the years. A little under five to go.

What is August going to do if his little decides to play with his forbidden knife collection? :3

Omg so this took a while and i'm sorry but im sooo happy with this! It got a little long so im hidig it under a cut but i hope you enjoy! @littlefreya @viking-raider

August swore vehemently looking around for the blades he'd sharpened specifically for his next assignment.

This needed to be silent and precise, he'd sharpened each blade twice! Not once but twice!

He wouldnt even attempt his 'arm hair' shave test this time knowing he may have gone over board with the sharpening.

But he couldnt help it, he found it therapeutic running his hands over the blades again and again, it was like medatation for him.

But they were no where to be seen! Hed placed them each delicatly in the rolled travelling leather holster, useing the small poppers to lock each dangerous blade in place and then hid it in the small safe in the wardrobe.

"Baby girl! LITTLE ONE HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE SAFE?!" He shouted down the stairs only not to get an answer, the radio on the kitchen drowning him out.

You were baking, well 'bakeing' he had bought a 'unicorn gingerbread box kit' for you both to make today.

It was a small treat he would spend the day with you doing anything your little heart desires befor setting off onto his week long mission.

You were currently rolling out the gingrbread and he had decided to sneak his weapons into his bag while you were preoccupied.

August never liked rubbing innhis occupation with you, never liked faceing the awkward questions, he wont lie to you but in being truthfull he can sometimes frighten you.

In the bedroom he was as ruthless and rough and demanding as he was at work.

But like this when you were little, you drew out a softer side. Well as soft as he was capable of, he was a stern man in everything he did, even in daddying you.

August huffed and zipped his case violently stressing out he needed to go down and pversee ou before you did something foolish, like tried to put the gingerbread in the oven.

Your panicked hyperventilating and bitten 9ff screams drew his attention immediatly!

He bolted down the stairs as fast as he could, so panicked by the cries and screams from the kitchen he raced through the housestomping and crashing with all the grace of a bull in a china shop.

Oh hell.

He froze, face paling mouth agape as he took in the scene.

Then he roared in a way you'd never heard.

You cowered holding your hand tightly as it bled profusely red life blood poured all over the white counter ruining the sheet pan dusted with what was once pure white flour.

The blood was also over the rolled out gingerbread, along with a very familiar knife.

You cried and staggered over you august holding your wound tightly tripping over your feet to him, wandering blindly unable to see much through your tears. Or hear past your frantic crying and yelps of "daddy!?"

August quickly decended on you grasping a teatowel from the laundry basket on the counter and tookover holding your offered wounded hand whislts snappjng at you in worry fueled anger.

"What the fuck are you dojng with that!? They are daddies special knives! You know not to touch thwm you silly little girl!"

"I'm s-so-rry! OUCH, NO-OO DAD-DY IT HURTS!" You cried out complaining as he dabbed the wound inspecting it.

It wasnt to deep just long, across the whole of your palm. He could tell your slipped and probably didnt evwn notice youd cut yourself untill it'd sliced fully across.

He'd sharpened them that much.

"You will be! By god little lady you will ne so very very sorry when im done woth you!"

"Come on sit down before you pass out and bleed all over the kitchen" he said tying a knot in two corners ot the teatowle making a triangle like a sling and looped it around your palm then fetched a wooden spoon slotting it in the large opening and began twisting it tight making a tourniquet.

You hissed as he pulled the clother thighter and tighter then slipped the wooden spoon into your fingers holding the teatowel still, before raising your hand high letting gravityhelp slow the bleeding.

"Now hold that there, dont you move, w need to stop the bleeding so i can mend it" he snipped grunting to himself. He wasnt worried as such, it looked worse than it was he had tended to worse on himself.

"Y-you can fix it da-ddy?" You sobbed tryi g to be brave but you were shaking like a leaf, youd never bled that much before.

"Yes daddy can fix it poppet, daddy can always fix it" he said quickly pulling out his... vast medic kit that was fully stocked to deal with everything from burns and cuts to bullet woulds and decapitated fingers. Because ou never know.

"A-are you mad da-addy?!" You whined eyes wide as he huffed and sighed dragging his hands through hos hair irritated

"Im not angry im very very disappointed. And you can bet your little ass is gonna be meeting that spoon shortly!" He said vehemently trying to calm himself and remind himself it wasnt too serious and he could deal with this cut.

You didnt even argue just looked down, dropping your watery eyes to the floor like a kicked puppy, and it wasnt even to soften him either.

"Why were you touching daddies private things?" He spoke tyring to take both his and your mind off your wound as he located everything he needed from the box.

"A'cos i wa-nted to see...they were shiney after you were polishin'em" you explained hicupping slowly weeping still as the pain and throbbing set in.

"I was sharpening them poppet, not polishing" he uttered quickly with a sigh trying to find a quaze big enough to wrap in a bandage.

"I just wanted to see... Never gon' touch" you sobbed bijng your lip eyes flickingnup the the now red teatowel, your figers were going a ittle numb from the tight tourniquet.

"And then?" He asked quirking a brow as you before waling to the kitchen sink washing and rinsing the washing up bowl thoroughly befpre filling with fresh warm water and a new clean cloth.

"Then the box said cut round the unicorns with a knife... And I already got it out to look at" you said shrugging a little as he moveed down your hand. Luckily the bleedig had stopped.

"I also says let and adult do it" your daddy chided as he slowly and gwntly unwrapped your hand making our fingers sting a little at the renewed bloodflow

"Im an-adult" you argued weakly then hissed as he begancleani g the wound dabbig it ever so lightly knowig he had to use clean water instead of antiseptic that could slow the healing of the delicate skin.

"Your a baby" he said with a roll of his eyes 'a spoilt baby' he added as an after thought to himself.

"...but im carful never cut myself with my big girl knives!" You agrued then gasped giving a small 'uh oh' you mouth had run away with you again.

"You mean the kitchen knives?" August asked quickly coming down on the new information like a... well hammer on a land mine.

"No... my saftey knives daddy" you uttered under your breath hissing as he moved on to the next stage of tending to your wound pressing the gauze to it.

"What do you mean your safety onives little one?" He said paying close attention to the bandages he was unravling over your hand trying to keep it firm but comfortable.

"My safety knives... i-in my purse?... Incase of baddies" you whispered slowly praying he wouldnt hear you. But his fingers paused for a second before quickly tying off the bandage in a knot and gave you a fierce look.

"You have knives in your?- wait hold-" august frowned and held a hand up singnalling you to stay then left the kitchen.

He returned moments later and emptied your pjrse only to growl shaking his had as a plethora of 'cute' weapons fell out. Hello kitty switch blades, rainbow blades, pink pocket knives and suspicious looking comb, key knives, pen knives you name it! There was even a ... cat keyring obviously meant to be some sort of pointy eared knuckle duster.

"Really poppet? Knives and... knuckle dusters- these are" he began scolding you but you cut him off

"I know i know daddy im sorry-" your apology was halted as your daddy spoke over you in a warning to e, he didnt like being interrupted.

"No where near good enough! These are all close range! If your close enough to use these then your already fucked! No you need pepperspray and a tazer!" He growled quickly picking up the feeble knives that had no grip to them, and wasnt ever sharp!

"T-tazer?" You stuttered tiltinnyour head cradling your injured hand to your chest.

"Yes, they are close range but will stop any attacker in their tracks! You can get away whilst your attacker is convulsing and laying in a pool of his own piss!" August growled becoming more and more aggravated as he realised you had now real way of protecting yourself when he wasnt around, big or little!

"Im getting you a tazer- today! Before i leave" he decided nodding to himself as he binned the now soiled teatowel and wash cloth.

"...can i have a pink one daddy?" You asked not being the slightest bit against having a tazer, it would make you feel alot safer then a knife.

Knives needed a proper opening and some brute force to protect you and could really really hurt someone!

A tazer was just a button and could work nomatter where ou hit the baddy and would kill them just make em gall over and pee.

"You can have a pink one princess... or a lipstick one or a tampon one?" Auguast suggested trying to thinl of the best one for you... he was sure a smaller discreet one whould be better than a law enforcement grade.

"That sounds uncomfortable daddy..." you uttered shuddering at the thought of that... being mistaken.

"Its not really a- fuck it... Right come on lets get in the living room you can go pick a tazer online" he said beginni g to pack up the first aid kitpillig everthing neatly into the box.

"O-okay... but no spankies daddy... I'm hurt" you warned cautiously waving your bandaged hand

"Yes spankies! Absolutly spankies! You take this spoon with you and you can pop it on the table as a reminder!" He ordered holding you with a level gaze blue eyes warning you to do as you were told.

"But my hand-" you said sniffling cradling it.

"Will be the least of your problems when I'm tanning your naughty butt! Now go or else" he threataned clipping the first aid box shut still watching you, staring unblinkingly.

"Or else what-" you started but your daddy was havig none of it and cut you off again.

"There is a silicone butter icing spreader in this kitchen that will be much worse than thw wooden spoon! Now get in the living room befpre i make you find it" he growled not about to let you throw a paddy about getting your ass blistered after the stunt you pulled.

Your lower lip wobbled but yu nodded giving up, plucking the wooden spoon and turning around leaing the kitchen in a walk of shame muttering a tiny 'yes daddy, sorry daddy'

Auguast watched with a stern face, before turning his attention to the bloody kitchen he will clean before coming to deal with you.

A good fifteen mineut wait will let you have time to reflect before he comes in and tans you hide.

THE AARONS 2020 - Best Film

Believe it or not, there were movies released last year - 75 of them at the very least, as that’s how many I watched. That’s 30 less than last year, even though I spent approximately 300% more time inside my home, but I’ll cut myself some slack. 2020 may have been a loss, but there were still some real winners to come out of it. Here are the Aarons for Best Film:

#10. The Assistant

It’s a sin of omission: No name is spoken in the film. No crimes are labeled. The towering chair in the middle of the shot sits empty, and yet the dangerous jaw of the doorframe is unmistakable. Kitty Green’s office procedural is made more nauseating in its minimalism; loosely based on the Weinstein sexaul assault scandal, The Assistant counts on a viewer’s familiarity, not just with the broad strokes of abuse, but the minutiae that enables it. By following a junior employee, played by the always tactful Julia Garner, through a series of daily mundanities, Green’s film shifts the spotlight, questioning our collective culpability in creating toxic environments. Every act must be an act of rebellion, the film says, or else we are assisting.

#9. Happiest Season

Happiest Season hit a snag last year: what was set to be a landmark in wide-release studio rom-coms became another victim of a pandemic that pushed people apart for the holidays. The homey movie might have hit harder in its Hulu-Original release though, as a needed reminder of the power of patience during difficult times. Harper (Mackenzie Davis) waits too long after an invite home for Christmas to tell her girlfriend Abby (Kristen Stewart) that she’s not out to her parents, imploring they keep the relationship a secret for the time being. It’s an unreasonable ask, prompted by unjust circumstances. By honestly exploring that conflict in hilarious, heartfelt fashion, Happiest Season was the most wonderful time of an interminable year.

#8. Wolfwalkers

Wolfwakers doesn’t run in a pack with the output of other animation studios, despite sharing a similar gravitas to the best of the Disney Renaissance. The wild style of its swirling sensory colors shed realism for an immersive, uninhibited fantasy world. Formatted like a proper fairy tale, the film centers on a moral: as wolfhunter’s daughter Robyn gains the ability to transform into the animal at night, the film walks viewers through overcoming fear of “the other'' in order to identify the true monsters among us. The howl of its voice actors, backed by a repurposed single by singer Aurora, completes this captivating creation. Released on the Apple TV+ streaming service, the film can rightfully boast of being one of the best of the year, so there’s no need to buy a wolf ticket.

#7. Onward

Onward put Pixar back on a forward-thinking path after a series of skippable sequels. Like director Dan Scanlon’s previous effort, it’s a smaller-scale saga for the studio, riffing on a classic comedic conceit rather than voicing existential crises: in a modernized fantasy world, two brothers take a road trip to locate a mystical artifact that can bring their father back for one more day. The quest is Pixar at its most magical, tweaking traditional tropes and tugging at one’s heartstrings. Despite the pieces being present, the film circumvents the jealousy of “knowledge vs. natural talent” that fueled Scanlon’s Monsters University; its vulnerable, supportive, affectionate sibling relationship made Onward especially moving. 

#6. The Vast of Night

The Vast of Night plays on the vastness of imagination, tracking a young radio DJ and a switchboard operator through interviews that untangle the extraterrestrial events of their small town. In effect, the film is the Super 8 of the podcast world, plugging into the particular power of its medium by way of a retro-sci-fi adventure. For those on that wavelength, the atmospheric indie is an equally eerie and enticing beacon to the thrill of discovery. This audial focus doesn’t come at the expense of its visual format, mind you: the film’s hypnotic hold is only broken once - by the absolutely stunning construction of its midpoint tracking shot, one for the record books. 

#5. Tenet

A question of cause-and-effect: did Christopher Nolan’s newest blockbuster fall into my top five for the year, or was a new Nolan novelty destined to place there before the year even began? His filmography has been on a roll since its inception, and the director keeps that forward-momentum going with the twisty Tenet, a time-bending thriller about agents unraveling a temporal cold war. Any way you look at them, the innovative, physics-based action scenes astound. Meanwhile, the midpoint movement turns on wondrous, child-like glee. With this grand of a scale, it’s a shame that Nolan’s devotion to the big screen despite the pandemic hampered the release; it seems some of the director’s tenets are better than others.

#4. His House

The works of Jordan Peele will likely be at the forefront of a viewer’s mind during His House, but, make no mistake, the film has horrors all its own. It’s a similar set-up to Get Out: a South-Sudanese refugee couple endure the various racist micro-aggressions of trying to assimilate or accommodate to an unwelcoming environment, even before learning their government-mandated housing is haunted. While that’s the foundation, His House’s ultimate form is unexpected, linked not to the guises of progress, but to the guilt of the past. Its supernatural sequences are made more startling by the raw performance of stars Sope Dirisu and Wunmi Mosaku; they own His House. 

#3. First Cow

Behind every successful man, there stands a cow. Director Kelly Reichardt continued her career-long deconstruction of the Western last year in her best bittersweet concoction, First Cow. Pioneers Cookie and Lu seek the promise of the frontier in 1800s Oregon Country, sneaking milk from a wealthy land-owner’s cow to start an oil-cake business. The camaraderie is lovely, but that contract is a lie: the truth is a world in which only capital begets capital, where the rich are more concerned with having something than using it. Reichardt doesn’t beef up this drama with overblown conflicts, instead milking the minimalism to ‘udderly’ devastating results: they were the first, but we’ll all be waiting on that Western promise of prospect ‘til the cows come home. 

#2. The Invisible Man

Often, movies will ask viewers to look at their monsters as metaphors; sometimes, they’re just monsters through and through. The Invisible Man, an update on the classic Universal film, polishes up the original’s special effects, but makes its titular character much uglier. Bringing the invasive nature of invisibility to the surface, the film reinterprets the character as a domestic abuser, gaslighting his ex, Cecilia, from beyond his supposed grave. Elizabeth Moss makes it a must-watch, never letting the audience look away from the trauma and terror of that situation. It’s highly-disturbing horror, made more so by an ending that leaves viewers in the dark, and the craft is always phenomenal. Director Leigh Whannell clearly had vision since his very first film project, but after The Invisible Man, everyone will be saying, “Saw who?” 

AND THE BEST FILM OF 2020 IS...

#1. Straight Up

Straight Up? One of the best rom-coms of recent memory, and my favorite film of an odd year. It’s a fittingly off-beat premise after all: a young gay man and an equally-witty young woman, each struggling with intimacy in different ways, explore an unusual romantic relationship with each other. In a time when we were all cut off from connections with other people, Straight-Up reexamined internalized phobias and millennial malaise to forge new ones, uncovering the rare occurrence of a platonic ideal. With whip-smart dialogue, reflective filmmaking, and two star-making central performances, you will surely fall as in love with Straight Up as I did, and that is nothing less than My Hahn-est Opinion.

NEXT UP: THE 2020 AARON FOR WORST FILM!

Rising from the Ashes: Of Dates and Disguises

So this is Part Seven here is to my Master List and Part Six.

--------------------------------

He texts back his Angel asking to go out this Friday night. She responded positively. He told her that he would pick her up from work. She told him not to overdo it or she wouldn’t talk to him again for a month. He promised he would try and keep it lowkey. Damian fell asleep with a smile on his face and a place in mind.

She wore a red a three-quarter sleeve dress the flows out between her elbow and wrist, the skirt is flowy and ends above the knee. She wore cute ankle boots and black tights. She grabbed her black mini purse. It was still cold, so she grabbed her navy blue winter coat has fluffy faux fur on the hood. The next day of Marinette’s work went well. 

She excitedly waits outside of Lucky Spot for Damian. She hears her phone ring, she picks it up. "Hi, Angel. I'm running a bit late. I got caught up in a bunch of traffic. I thought I would be out in time, but I'll be around ten minutes late. Can I pick you up at your apartment?" Damian asks speaking louder than need be.

"Damian, that sounds super loud are you ok? Are you safe?" Marinette asked, walking towards her apartment.

"Yes it's just traffic," Damian says. "Umm, I gotta go.."

"Oh ok," She said while hanging up. She finished walking home, texted Damian her address, and turned on the news. Robin and Red Hood were fighting Mr. Freeze. Well, they finished fighting they had Mr. Freeze in cuffs and was in the GPD's custody. Robin ran off out of view, the reporter talked about the fight when she heard a knock on her door. She got up quickly while turning off the t.v. and answered the door.

"Hey Damian," She smiles as she sees the boy, normally perfect black hair was quite messy, but handsomely messy, his green eyes sparkling in her dim lights. "Welcome to my humble abode. Would you like to take a look around?" 

"That would be lovely," Damian said, closing the door behind him.

"Just let me remind you that I've only been living here for a couple of days and not everything is decorated or how I would like it to be," Marinette explained, quickly. "This is my kitchen and living room it's an open floor plan." If you follow me this way I have what will be my sewing room once I sell this twin bed. This is my bedroom, it's a mess right now so I'm just going to close this real quick. Then the bathroom is right here."

"This is quite a nice apartment for only being here for a couple of days," Damian compliments. "It doesn't look like you have much stuff though. Did you not take any of your stuff with you? Did your family not give you any housewarming gifts?"

"I recently lost my parents, that's part of the reason I left," Marinette said her face falling a bit. "They died when our house burned down, so I started from scratch. The things I own now were either left by the last tenant left, hand-me-downs from Chloe, or things I recently bought."

"Well I'm sorry for your loss, but I know you're strong. I'll be here if you need my support, Angel, as your friend or something more," Damian said, Marinette ran over and hugged him.

"Thank you, Damian. That means so much to me," Marinette said into his chest.

"You ready for dinner, Angel?" Damian asked, rubbing her back.

"Yes, just as long as it's nothing over the top as I said last night," Marinette said, looking up at the handsome boy breaking away from the hug.

"Yes, come on," Damian said as she locked the door. They walked downstairs, Damian then opens the door to his car for her. 

"So where are we going?" She says, buckling her seat belt.

"It's going to be a surprise," Damian smirked, looking forward at the road, safety first.

"Can't wait," Marinette said, looking at the window, watching the city go by. "The city is so beautiful. Oh! I forgot to ask, did you get caught up in the Mr. Freeze traffic. I saw it on the news, man it must have crazy growing up in this city."

"You saw that?" Damian asked, looking over at the beautiful girl.

"Yes, it was the traffic light boy," Marinette smirked. "and Red Hood. They took him down quite fast, but Robin left quickly after Mr. Freeze was in cuffs."

"Traffic Light Boy?" He asks, remembering what Ladybug had said the night before. He smiles, knowing that the girl he wants as his girlfriend, is even more amazing than he thought. 

Marinette blushes as she explains. "I didn't know Robin's name when I moved here, but my first impression was a traffic light. The designer in me died just a bit but since it's a right of passage, and it's quite honorable."

"We're here," Damian said, getting out of the car then he opens the door for Marinette. "Welcome to the first restaurant my father took me to when he first got custody of me from my mother."

"This looks so homey, what food do they serve," Marinette asked, taking a seat on a stool at the counter.

"Burgers, french fries, hotdogs, milkshakes, and pizza. I hated American food growing up because my mother had me on a strict diet," Damian said. "It's still not my favorite, but I want you to have the full American experience. Do you want to get a little of everything and just split it?"

"Sounds good," Marinette giggles. "So you've heard about me. What can you tell me about you?"

"I grew up with my mother Talia and my grandfather. They were big on self-defense, I spent a lot of time on learning martial arts; I have achieved many black belts. I don't want to talk about myself, I want to hear more about you," Damian said. The waitress came over and took their order.

"I started designing at a young age because I didn't want to be in my parents' bakery shadow. They were the best in Paris, but I didn't want to disappoint them if I wasn't as good as them. As a thirteen-year-old in collège, I started designing for Jagged Stone. I also was found by Gabriel Agreste after winning a competition. He then let me release my line," Marinette told him. The food had arrived and as Damian said they split everything. "So what do you want to do after you're done with school?"

"As the only true blood heir to Wayne Enterprises my brother decided that I would inherit the company, but they would always help me," Damian said, taking a bite of burger. "How do you like American food?"

"It's pretty good, but it seems super unhealthy. I think I'll stick to homemade Parisian food for a while. Next time I'll make the food," Marinette said, pulling out her wallet from her purse to pay.

"Ok you know that I am a son of one of the richest men in the world, but you insist on pay, why?" Damian asks, taking her wallet before she could pull out money.

"Because, my prince, you were first Damian, Titus' owner. The boy I first met was adorably nervous, complimented me, and insisted on paying for breakfast as a sorry for being tackled by his dog," Marinette said. "I'll pay the tip. It's a tip or all meal."

"Fine," Damian said, giving her back her wallet. He paid the part he said he would. They left and he held the restaurant door open then also opened his car door for her. Damian walked Marinette up to her apartment.

"Thank you, Damian, for walking me up to my apartment," Marinette said unlocking her door then turns toward him.

"Thank you for coming with me. You make me happy, Angel,"  Damian said looking down at her. Marinette leaned up and kissed his cheek. He leaned forward and whispered. "Angel, may I kiss you?"

"Prince, I thought you would never ask," Marinette leaned up and met his lips. They are incredibly soft. They broke their chaste kiss. "Goodnight my Prince."

"Wait, Angel, will you be my girlfriend?" Damian said stopping the door before she could finish closing it.

"I would love that," Marinette said hugging him. 

"Thank you, Angel, for making my life brighter," he said, kissing her head. "Good night, Marinette."

"Good night, Damian," She closes the door with a smile, she slides to the ground.

The next morning Marinette got up and put on a straight long brown with blonde highlights wig she had bought earlier that week. She put on green contacts and wore the horse miraculous. She wore an emerald green shirt and her black skater skirt, all paired with green converse. 

“Hey, Chloe,” Marinette said into her phone. “I’m about the teleport is it ok if I use your room.”

“Ya I’m here now, I’ll be waiting,” Chloe said then hung up. 

“You heard Chloe, girls,” Marinette said looking at the kwamis. “Kaaliki full gallop. Full forth!"

The portal opened and she stepped through, now standing In Chloe’s room. She detransforms and hugs her friend. 

“I haven’t seen you in forever!” Marinette said. 

“It hasn’t been a week,” Chloe said. 

“It feels like longer though. Guess what?” Marinette said breaking the hug now looking at her friend. 

“What, you got  Titus owner to be your boyfriend,” Chloe guesses, rolling her eyes. Marinette blushes. “Wait seriously? You’ve been in America for five days and you already have a boyfriend? I guess I need to come to America too. Help me pack my bags?”

“Chloe his name is Damian and he’s super sweet,” Marinette smiles. 

“Lila’s fake boyfriend’s name is also Damian,” Chloe snickers and then mimics. "Her Damiboo is so shy." They laugh together and Chloe takes a closer look at Marinette. "So who are you today?" Chloe asks

"Today I am Ann Prince, and I am here to visit my dear childhood friend, Chloe," Marinette said in a British accent, twirling.

"Hello Ann I'm happy to see you again, it has been ages," Chloe says, hugging her long lost friend. "What do you have planned for today?"

"Well, I would love to see the friends your friends you speak so highly of. If I remember correctly Adrien and Kagami have a fencing tournament, then Kitty Section has a performance," Marinette said with a smile.

"I'll text my friends to let them know that my dear friend Ann is coming," Chloe said texting them. "Want some lunch before the tournament?"

"I woke up, got dressed and came here, so breakfast would be better," Marinette said as they leave Chloe's room.

"How about brunch?" she says closing the door. "There's a small cafe near here we can go to."

"That would be lovely," Marinette said as they walk together in sync they talk about everything they had missed. They eat eggs and benedict. They talk about their futures, how Chloe is doing in school, and most importantly Christmas. 

When they arrive they sit in the front row. They're on the quieter side careful not to draw attention to themselves. After Kagami won the girl's division she came and sat with Ann and Chloe. She smiled seeing the bluenette turned brunette. 

"Good job you guys! Hi, my name is Ann, I'm one of Chloe's childhood friends," Marinette greeted, still speaking in her British accent. 

"Hi, I am Adrien Agreste, and this is my beautiful girlfriend Kagami," Adrien said, hugging Ann.

"Hello, Ann," Kagami said also hugging her. Lila and Alya walk up to the group.

"So who is your new friend, you're all so quick to replace Marinette. What? Is she a bully too?" Aha sneers. 

"Well I am Ann Prince, it is a pleasure to meet you," she said, holding out a hand with a sickeningly sweet smile.

"Ann you don't want to hang out with these people, they are bullies," Lila warned smiling.

"Lila, why are you here?" Adrien said, stepping in front of Ann.

"I came to see you of course Adrihoney! You are my boyfriend!" Lila screamed, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Lila, I've told you many times that we are not dating. I'm dating Kagami and have been for two years," Adrien said.

"We both know your father is making you date her. I'll be here for when you can finally be free from her cold claws," Lila said, walking off with Alya tailing behind her.

"Well, you guys ready to head to Kitty Section's performance?" Marinette asks.

"Sounds like a plan, Ann," Chloe said, locking elbows as they walk out of the school.

Kitty Section is playing at the TVi studio as part of a competition judged by Uncle Jagged. Apparently, he had been a bit quieter since his niece's funeral. She was excited to see her friends and her uncle even from afar. Luka won the best guitar solo, but Kitty Section did not win as a group. 

"Hi, Luka! My name is Ann and I'm an old friend of Chloe. It's nice to meet you," Marinette said still in her British accent, hugging the bluenette. "Congratulations, I loved your guitar solo! The rest of your group was pretty good." 

"Thank you, Ann, you guys ready for dinner? I’m starving," Luka said turning to the rest of the group.

"That sounds great! I haven't eaten since before the competition," Adrien said, rubbing his stomach.

They ate dinner together. They chatted and she told them the news of her and Damian. She told them about the Gotham heroes and everything in between. They told her about their Christmas plans. They smile as the pay and say goodbye. She left to go talk to Master Fu.

"Master Fu, it's good to see you, she says bowing. "I ended up in America, how are you able to get me the correct papers?"

"It's good to see you again Ms. Marinette. I like the wig and contacts a simple but good disguise," Master Fu compliments. "I just have my connections, don't worry it's nothing illegal."

The process didn't take long and soon she was heading back to Chloe's room. She opened the door to see her friends sitting down watching an anime. She sat down on the couch her friends and watch half an anime before they're interrupted by a bing.

Prince: Hey Angel how are you doing

"Aww Damian is texting," Marinette said, smiling at her phone.

Angel: Pretty good. what've you been up to today?

'Prince: I had a couple of meetings today. They were boring, but I'm alive. How bout you'

Angel: Chloe video called me so I could watch Adrien and Kagami's tournament. Then Kagami video called me so I could watch Luka's performance. It was fun. Want to come to my apartment tomorrow for a homemade meal

Prince: I would love that

Angel: Great see you, tomorrow prince

Prince: It sounds like you're getting ready for bed, but do you realize it's only two o'clock

Angel: Seriously I didn't even realize it

Prince: Lost in a design?

Angel: No, Adrien recommended us all a different and new anime, Sword Art Online. It's pretty good

Prince: Well I hope you enjoy it. Dick is telling me to pay attention. Bye Angel.

Angel: Good luck, Prince.

Marinette smiles, standing up while saying. "Guys. I should be going. It's already eight here, two in Gotham. I'll miss you guys, I'll be back for Chinese New Year and regular New Year." 

"Well we can't wait to see you again Ann," Adrien said, hugging the girl the rest join in the group hug.

"Kaalki, full gallop," She transforms back into Mare. "Thank you for announcing my moving, by the way. Full forth. See you guys soon." Then she was gone. She had taken some French food she had missed a bit. She put the food in the kitchen, and grabbed her sketchbook, wanting to sketch her new found inspiration from being home. After a couple of hours of designing, and a shower she went to bed early because of jet lag sorta.

---------------------------

Tag list (Open):

@northernbluetongue @melhuney @ladysblackcat @sturchling @otaku4312 @g-arya @smolplantmum @bluefyoto94 @echpr @moonlightstar64 @thesunanditsangel @cutechip @heaven428 @elmokingkong @kass-is-weird @niza13149 @urbanpineapplefarmer @ginamarie1512 @chocolatecatstheron @iggy-of-fans @crazylittlemunchkin @komatsuna-yuki @weird-pale-blonde-person @ellerahs @sinnamonroill @daminett4life @queenmj10

⊱┊27

THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUAL ASSAULT. READER DISCRETION ADVISED.

-ˋˏ ༻🍷༺ ˎˊ-

theo pushes me against the door and smashes his lips onto mine. at the same time, he slides my denim spaghetti strap dress down my chest, exposing my bare chest to his full view.

“damn,” he admires them hungrily, “look at ‘em built~in stress balls.”

“take a picture, lasts longer,” i tilt his head back up to eye level with me.

“oh, don’t worry, i’m intending to,” and he crushes his lips back onto mine.

he grabs one of my boobs in his palms and squeezes before pinching my swollen nipple. soft moans flow out from my mouth and my wetness down there increases.

🎶my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like, it’s better than yours damn right it’s better than yours

“nice ringtone,” theo smirks.

“shut up.”

he chuckles. “aye, let’s see if your milkshake really does bring all the boys to the yard,” he smugly raises his eyebrows and lowers his mouth to the bud he had been torturing seconds before. he begins to suck on it whilst kneading the other one.

“ohhh,” i moan. “yesss.”

his tongue circles my areola, nibbling, slurping and lapping up his drools. after pretty much mutilating my nipple, he lands a cute peck on top of it like that’s somehow gonna heal every nasty thing he did to it. “tell me how you like it done, babygirl.”

“touch me.”

he pulls the rest of my dress below my waist and skims his hand down my stomach to my core. if i keep my eyes shut for long enough, i could pretend it’s not him. i’m torn between wanting to remember and forget. i want to remember how it felt when isaac touched me, but i want to forget how it felt when he broke me...

“damn, you’re so wet.”

my phone goes off again but this time it reminds me of reality. it reminds me of how my life was once a dream these past few months and now it has gone to literal shit. getting irritated, i lift theo’s shirt up and drag him into myself, desperately tugging at his zipper.

“alrighty then,” he grins. “my babygirl is one greedy little bitch, ‘cept imma spoil her like her daddy couldn’t.”

the dress slides off my body entirely and pools around my ankles. i wriggle out of my underwear. he gets rid of his pants and boxers. then he picks me up by the thighs and walks backward to his bed. he falls onto the bouncy mattress. i get on top and dry grind on him. he grips my waist like he’s got claws for nails.

“fuck, you’re good!” he groans.

i push myself further down onto his erection, the wetness of my core spreading to other parts. “ooh, theo.. “

“that’s it, baby, just like that,” he lifts his head up to watch me rub my kitty on him. “keep it go..ing..mm..oo..yeah..” he exhales deeply, dropping his head back down on the pillow.

i lower my hand, further massaging his bulge with my palm and pressing it into myself. more grunts escape from his mouth and it looks like he’s in a paradise of his own. my phone, yet again, goes off. i glance over my shoulder to where it’s placed on the far back cupboard.

theo yanks me down. “eyes on me, slut!”

his lips are so sour. i try to find the sweetness within them, but it’s difficult. it’s unlike the first time we kissed and unquestionably unlike mr killian’s, nowhere near.

isaac’s was a whole nother valhalla.

theo changes position, getting on top of me. he reaches over and pulls back the top drawer from his nightstand. everything is happening so fast. i am getting dazed and confused even faster. i lean up on my elbows, watching him rip up the silver packet with his teeth and rolling the rubber on.

he returns, caging me.

my respiration becomes dense and i kinda become uncomfortable, a bit claustrophobic. my ringtone continues on and off in the background and it really does bring me back to reality. the hell am i doing with the school’s pitcher??

“theo,” i calmly lay my hand on his abdomen, “i..i don’t think we should do this anymore.”

“c’mon, rosé,” he jeers. “what happened to that girl who was all over me in the boys’ locker room? surely, she’s in there somewhere. maybe i can help bring her out?”

“no, really, theo,” i reach my hand down, ceasing him from entering, “i want you to stop.”

i’ve made a mistake. this whole thing is a mistake. it was like a bandaid on the crack of my healing heart. only now that it’s beating again, all i wanna see is lime green eyes greeting me, not the blue that i’m drowning in.

“no, you don’t,” he decides for me and plants a rough kiss on my lips.

i press my head back, getting his tongue out of my mouth. “yes, i, fucking, do.”

“rosé, you can’t just fucking do that,” he snaps. “you can’t just get me hyped up like this and then not go through with it.”

i sigh, “i’m sorry. i just..i just thought i was ready, but i’m not.”

“it’s too late, you said yes already so quit being a pussy with that ‘i’m not ready’ shit girls do, and let me do my thing. i ain’t stopping.”

“but i’ve changed my mind, i don’t want to anymore. i’m sorry.”

“try to relax for me, okay?” he gets rid of the interference on behalf of my hand by gently placing it beside me. “i won’t hurt you.”

i stubbornly place that same hand at my entrance.

theo heaves, “well, what the hell do you suppose i do with my hard as fuck dick then?”

“fuck if i know. jerk off or something?”

“you’re shitting me, right?” he raises his eyebrows.

why is he being so demanding?! i’ve never seen this side of him.

a forced homely smile appears on his face. “...just relax.” he pretty much snatches my hand up and away. “and breathe, okay?”

before i can stop him again, he’s already inserting himself inside of me. i make an effort in relaxing, i really do, but my body just won’t have it.

“see, ain’t that bad,” his voice toys with me. “i’d ask if this is your first time, but i know it’s not.”

“what’s that supposed to mean?”

“whatever you make of it,” he avoids answering the question. “you good? i’m gonna start moving now.”

“please, baby, let’s just do this another day,” i push my hands up on his chest like i’m bench pressing him, but of course it does nothing. “promise i’ll make it worth your while?”

“for fuck’s sake, stop fucking resisting!” he lashes out. “it won’t do you any good but make it hurt more!”

i flinch at his sudden outburst and fear creeps up on me like slow molten lava. patience is wearing thin from both sides. i need it to stop, but i’m petrified of the monster this will unleash, this monster right in front of me. all the way in he goes and all the way out i feel utter disgust.

“you are tight as fuck, rosé,” he grunts. “almost like you’re milking me.”

“..theo.. maybe..i..we..”

“shhh, baby,” he whispers. “it’s okay.”

sickening aftertaste merges in with my saliva, my lips quiver.

he extracts, “you taste nice.”

i look to the side so that his gaze meets my cheek. he exists out of me slowly, then back in he goes. i try to move underneath his body, but he has me cemented in such a form where comfort is not an option, let alone the chance of escaping.

“don’t cry, rosé, please.”

at this, a dozen silent tears escape from my watery eyes. hostility is the only word that comes to my head. hostility in his eyes, hostility in his tone, hostility in his biceps. it’s like the smell of cigarettes, intoxicating, and that’s what scares me the most.

“i’m only giving you what you want, rosé.”

i can’t answer him.

“this is what you want, right?” he looks me dead in the eye.

i nod...

“good girl.”

the droplets trickle off the side of my temples and land on the plush pillow. i just want isaac. i need him. i miss him...his dimple, his half~smiles, his tired blinks...i miss him a lot.

“you’re doing great. just a little while longer, i promise.”

i dry my tears with his neck because i’m too scared to move my hands.

“hey, hey?” theo brushes the hair off my face. “shh, shhh,” he coos. “why you crying for, baby? you’re doing amazing, okay?”

there’s a sudden shift from soft to rough. it’s like he wants a taste of both worlds. his thrusting has intensified and his audible satisfaction has grown louder. the fear in me, well, that disappears. i don’t like being used in this way. taken advantage of.

“hones..honestly! you’re hurting me so please just get the fuck off me!”

he pins me down fully, almost like dead weight on top of me. he digs sharply into me like a shovel, tearing away at my insides a gluttonous thrust at a time. my tears crystallise, my body aches. it’s as if my heart is in the place of my brain; the pulses banging on my skull. i throw a series of blows to his chest, but even that works against me.

“don’t fight it. the only thing that’ll do is make me fuck you harder!”

my heart is thundering, there’s an apocalypse going on in each of the chambers and it’s taking everything in me to focus through the rumble. my hand despairingly searches for something on the nightstand, anything.

amongst the lamp, the tissue box, an opened marlboro pack, a lighter, a vape pen and some empty red bull cans, i finally hit jackpot. insanely tight, my fingers encircle themselves around the glass body of a corona extra.

1, 2, 3.

“fucking bitch!” he roars, clasping his head.

this gives me enough time to escape from underneath him. i fall out of the bed, slide back into my dress and leave everything else behind.

“rosé!!” theo growls after me, grabbing his boxers.

barefoot, i run to the stairs. only a meter away from the staircase when a hand latches onto my ankle, tripping me over. theo cusses and tries to claw his way atop of me, but i flip over and kick him in the nose. he groans loudly and releases me, cupping his nose.

i run down the stairs, feeling him only a step or two behind me. i slam into the door and begin desperately unhinging each lock in a row. fuck, how many goddamn locks does this guy have?! when the last one gets undone, i pull down on the handle only to be ruthlessly pulled right back with my fucking hair.

“where the fuck do you think you’re going, huh?!” theo snarls. “i ain’t done with you yet, babygirl.”

i scream, holding onto his hands holding my hair. he sickly inhales the scent of my neck and places his palm over my mouth. i bite down immensely hard. he rips his hand free and stumbles back.

silence.

i’m just so scared.

so, so scared.

i don’t see blue eyes anymore. i see grey. pure grey. they stare right through my soul, irises of like hurricanes trapped in tiny snow globes. the globes begin to crack, bit by bit... there will be an avalanche in just milliseconds.

i open the door, stumbling out onto the lawn before regaining my balance and breaking into a sprint. i look over my shoulder when suddenly i bump into a wall right in front of me, forcing me to arrive at a standstill.

glancing up, it’s not…a wall but..

isaac killian.

Teddy (Shinsou x Reader)

Pairing: Shinsou x Reader

Genre: Fluff!!! Periodt!!

Summary: You’re walking back to Shinsou’s place to help him pack after a party with the Heroes, but he doesn’t seem to want to.

Word count: 1,542

Tags:  @yuki-osaki​ @liviitehe​ @iamsoftsodonttoucheume-blog​ @bunnythepipsqueak​

a/n: Help I think I just devastated myself into wanting Shinsou as my boyfriend hhhhh you have been warned

This might be my favorite of the 3 so far.  Some of you might think Shinsou as ooc here, but this is my note that you’ve been dating for a loooong time and (as it says in the story) he wasn’t always like that, he needed to work at it.  He’s just a giant who loves lazing around and cuddling okay shut up

Shinsou is my 2nd fave boy in MHA so I hope I did him justice.  I agree he deserves so much more love and attention because he’s secretly soft babe.  Not much spice here, but 12 cavities worth of fluff uwu.  

I’m finally done with everyone I wanted to do this scenario for! (If this is your first time here, I’ve also done Bakugou and Todoroki)  I have a huge list of ideas and no clue what order to write them in, plus Icy Hot’s birthday is in 2 days, so I’m obligated to do something special for him.  

Okay I’m done talking now, enjoy!

"Did you have a good time?"

My purple haired boyfriend shrugs.  "You know I don't really care about parties.  I only went because you were going."

I frown at his avoidance of the question.  "Okay, but were you miserable being there?"

"Miserable isn't the word I'd use."

"Hitoshi!" I groan.  It's like pulling teeth with him sometimes.

He chuckles at my frustration before wrapping an arm around my waist and placing a kiss on my temple.  "Just messin' with you.  Of course I had fun, I was with you."

"Is that why you were practically glued to my side the whole night?"  I poke his firm stomach teasingly.

"Not the whole time.  I talked to Midoriya, Todoroki, had a drink with Kaminari-"

"-While you were still within 10 feet of me."

He huffs a stubborn breath and plops his large hand on top of my head to ruffle my hair.  "You're my favorite person there, why would I stray from you?"

I lean into his touch, almost like a pet cat.  "To make friends?  Socialize?  Mingle?  Something to that effect maybe?"  Not that I'm the most extroverted person either, but at least I try to make an effort for friends.

"Yea- No, I'd rather be home sleeping next to you," he dismisses lazily, rejoining our hands together.

I chuckle at his predictable answer.  "Can't say I don't agr-EEH!"

Shinsou suddenly hoists me into his arms bridal style and continues walking down the dimly lit road as if it's the most natural thing.  "Now that I have the thought in my head, I wanna hurry and get home to cuddle with you, kitty."

My arms instinctively cling around his neck.  "Don't you have to pack first?"

He groans in annoyance and picks up his pace.  "Then we really need to hurry."

His overt display of need is amusing.  As I lean against his chest, I'm reminded of when we first started dating.  Shinsou barely even wanted to hold hands in the beginning because he would get flustered, and now here he is carrying me down the street in public.  Even the first time we cuddled, as soon as I leaned on him, his body was stiffer than a board in confusion.  After a while, he's grown into an oversized teddy bear hungry for cuddles.  If that isn't growth, I don't know what is.

"What did you and Todoroki talk about?" I draw circles on his chest absentmindedly, the steady rhythm of his steps rocking my body back and forth.

"Nothing really.  Just hero stuff."

"I always thought you guys would've been good friends, since you're both alike," I think out loud.

"You don't say?"  I can tell I've piqued his interest.

"Yeah, both of you took a while to come out of your shell, you both took a while to trust and befriend people even though both you claimed you didn't come to UA to make friends, you both had your walls broken down by Broccoli boy."  He snorts at my stupid nickname for Midoriya.  "Both of you are touch-starved babies-"

"Hold on," he stops dead in his tracks and eyes me warily.  "How do you know Todoroki's touch-starved?"

"Because every Sunday I go to his place to pet him and rub his tummy," I retort sarcastically.  When Shinsou continues glaring at me, I kiss his nose cheekily.  "Obviously, Midoriya talks about it all the time.  Not to mention Todoroki clings to Midoriya the same way you cling to me."

"I don't appreciate the attitude, Tiny."  A smirk spreads across his face, and I know I'm dead.  Before I can protest, he flings my body over his shoulder.  "You deserve this!"

I smack his back defiantly, my face heating up in embarrassment.  "Hitoshi!"

Shinsou makes a point to skip the elevator and climb all 3 flights of stairs up to his floor with me still slung over his back.  When we reach his apartment, he flings me down onto his couch and looks down at me like a disappointed parent.  "Did you learn your lesson now?"

I nod in earnest.  "I won't tickle Todoroki's tummy without your permission again."

His face turns red and he growls out loud before attacking me in a frenzy of tickles.  "What did you say, kitty?!"

"Stop!" I struggle against him, but he's too giant for me to push him off through my laughing fits.  "You know...I'm sensitive!"

"Try again!"

"O-Okay!  I won't...taunt you...again!"

He finally stops his attack, pinning me under his massive body, my wrists next to my head as I gasp for air.  Shinsou bursts out into a fit of his own laughter.  "You should see how red your face is."

"Shut up."

He collapses on top of me, his head nuzzling into the crook of my neck and his arms caging me against him.  "You're mine, kitty.  I love you."

I smile to myself, playing with his hair.  "I love you too, you giant bear."  He's come such a long way.  I wouldn't have imagined him to anything like this almost a year ago.  It sobering that all this time, we've grown and changed together.  I bask in the nostalgia, hearing his steady breathing against my skin.

And then I start running out of air.  "Babe, I can't breathe anymore, get off."

"Hmm."

"Babe, you're smothering me."  I attempt prying his arms from his tight grasp.

"Five more minutes."

"Hitoshi, you still need to pack!"  I finally kick him off the couch, sending him tumbling onto the floor.  "Come on you big lug, we can cuddle later.  Let's go."

After a few minutes of struggling to get him off the floor, Shinsou finally trudges into his room and pulls out his bag, lazily surveying the clothes in his closet and drawers.  He messily throws his them into his duffel, not caring where everything ends up, leaving me the responsibility of folding them up and neatly packing them away.

I pick up a printed black hoodie he threw into the pile to pack.  "Can I keep this for the week, babe?"

He looks over his shoulder and chuckles.  "If you go out in public with that, send me a photo.  You'll look like a tiny child."

While he goes back to throwing stuff in the pile, I strip off my top and replace it with his hoodie, letting his natural musk envelop me in a hug.  I snort when I see myself in his mirror.  Shinsou's hoodie comes halfway down my thigh, swallowing up my entire frame in black.  Moments like this remind me how much larger he is than me, not just his hands.

My boyfriend snickers when he sees me.  "I told you you're tiny."  His arms slither around my torso and he rests his chin on top of my head.

I play with the shoelace strings dangling from the hood.  "It smells just like you," I admit softly, staring at him through the reflection.

His head descends to place a chaste kiss at the base of my jaw, sending warm tingles down my spine.  "I'll be back for you, I won't be gone too long.  And I'll be thinking of you the whole time."

"You better," I pout, not even trying to sound threatening from my tiny appearance.  I hold his chin to place a kiss on his cheek.  "I'll send you a morning text every day."

His cheeks blush faint rose.  "I look forward to it," he mutters before collapsing his head into my neck.

"Hey hey, go finish packing."  I try pushing his giant weight off me to no avail.

He wraps his arms tighter around me.  "I can finish in the morning, my flight isn't until the afternoon," he drawls his breath into my skin, picking me up easily.  "Let's go to bed, kitty."

I have no choice except to obey as he lays me down on one side.  "Someone's very needy today."

Shinsou jumps onto the other side of the bed, removing his shirt in the process.  "I need to store up for all the cuddles I'll miss when I'm away."  He reaches over to pull his purple and black comforter over us, engulfing me in his warmth once again.

My head rests against his bare chest, the gentle thump of his heart in my ear.  "Stay safe on your trip.  I want you back here in one piece."

He hums in response, the noise reverberating against my face.

"And don't skip your meals.  And get enough sleep for once."

Fingers tilt my chin up to face, dark purple eyes boring into mine.  "How will I sleep well when my kitty's not with me?"

I plant a kiss on his lips.  "Think of me next to you.  Or call me."

His smile warms my heart as he clings closer to me and presses his lips against mine in a lazy, slow kiss.  "You always know just what to say."

I move myself up so I can play with his hair, entwining my fingers in his hand at my waist.  We lay there peacefully, hearing each other breathe, feeling each other's warmth, smelling each other's scent.

"You'll miss me, right?" he pokes open an eye to stare at me.

I squeeze him harder.  "Yes teddy bear, I'll miss you."

EPISODE 3: ABOUT ALICE

Y'all, I am SO CLOSE TO catching up to myself with these chapters! I can't wait for y'all to see the next chapter, it's gonna be all kinds of heartbreak~ >:3c

ENJOY~!

REMINDER: [Dialogue like this is English!]

The farther northeast they traveled, the more Luna missed the absolute shit out of her clunky old gas guzzler of a pickup truck.

Now she wasn’t ever one to complain—she knew better than that—but holy fuck did her feet hurt. She’d had these shoes for god only knows how long, and it was a good thing they were practically made of mithril, because if they hadn’t been mythically indestructible, they definitely would’ve been worn out by now. She had to bear it—they all did. Sore feet were mostly likely only gonna be a minor pain compared to what they were gonna face once they caught up to this Naraku guy (or so she’d heard). So complaining would only make things more irritating.

And she was already irritated enough, thanks to Inuyasha.

“We would’ve caught Naraku by now if all of you weren't demanding we stop and rest every five minutes!”

“Inuyasha, you have to understand that we don’t have your superhuman strength.” Miroku, always the diplomat.

Luna, not so much. She gave her sister a look that all but read she was about to snap, and spoke to her in English: “[If he says one more thing about us having to stop and rest, I’m throwing my shoe at him.]”

Kagome sighed. “[Luna, please don’t do that.]” Their friends looked, confused, between the both of them.

“What’re you guys saying?” Shippo asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Luna chuckled, starting to dig through her backpack. “Damn, I need to be careful about how much I fire my gun, I don’t have as much ammo as I thought…”

Kagome furrowed her eyebrows. “I thought you brought everything?”

Luna glanced up, still rifling through her pack. “I brought everything I could, but I had to leave some ammo and one of my weapons at Kaede’s place, along with my guitar. Traveling this much, especially walking? I had to pack more food and survival shit than ammo, so I gotta conserve what I have if this is gonna take much longer—especially if we’re getting this far away from the Well.”

Inuyasha snorted, and Luna felt her blood pressure spike. “Wouldn’t be taking so long if you all weren’t so damn weak…”

Luna looked at her sister again, and completely disregarded the warning look she got back. In less than a second, she had one of her boots off and chucked it full force at the half-demon’s head. The ensuing chaos was definitely worth the satisfaction.

“WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!”

“For being an absolute prick about us needing to rest!”

“Luna, can you please not?!”

“He’s the one being a little bitch about it!”

“WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!”

“Stop it, you two!”

“I called you a little bitch! Clean out those fuzzy ears!”

“OH THAT IS IT!”

“BRING IT, DOG BOY!”

The imminent fight (which Sango, Shippo, and Miroku were watching like a Tennis match) stopped before it actually got started. Kagome grabbed her sister by the ear and pulled back, causing the older girl to yell out in pain, before pointing at Inuyasha and shouting:

“INUYASHA, SIT!”

The aforementioned half-demon slammed face-first into the ground, and the situation diffused.

“I am sick of you two fighting!” Kagome said, ignoring her sister’s little mutters of “ow, ow, ow” until she finally let go of her ear. “Can’t you guys just try to get along?! We’re supposed to be a team here; how are we supposed to fight Naraku if you two won’t stop fighting each other?!”

Ego bruised (and her ear too, just as likely), Luna tried not to pout as she got up to retrieve her boot. “Can’t promise it won’t happen again.”

“Yeah, me either…” Inuyasha’s voice cracked as he was finally able to lift his head and glare at the elder Higurashi.

“What we’re doing is a little more serious than petty conflicts,” Miroku said, “It might take an adjustment period for all of us, as Luna is new to our group, but we still need to focus on our actual goal.” And of course, as he gave this incredibly insightful bit of wisdom, his hand was drifting.

Sango flinched, then turned to slap his cheek, pinching the skin on his hand to keep it away from her butt. “And what part of that goal is this?” She growled.

The monk chuckled nervously, “N-nothing?”

Luna rolled her eyes, a small smile on her lips as she sat back down to re-tie her shoe. “Never a dull moment, huh?” She sighed as she knotted it, finally glancing over at Inuyasha. “Alright. I’m sorry, okay? But you gotta not complain like that. Gets on my nerves.”

“I’ll complain if I wanna complain…” Inuyasha mumbled. He quickly corrected himself, as the harrowingly angry look Kagome gave him struck fear into his heart. “F-fine. Whatever. Sorry.”

Luna chuckled. “There then, that’s put to rest. And, speaking of!” Instead of a second half of that sentence, she stretched her arms out and fell back to relax back on the grassy hill they’d chosen as their rest stop. She sighed, enjoying the quiet and the sun for a few minutes. She could swear she was about to drift off to sleep, when she heard the softest little “mew!” just beside her. She opened one eye to find Kilala blinking big red eyes at her.

“Adjustment or not, Kilala seems to like you,” Sango said with a light smile.

“She sure is cute,” Luna mumbled happily, sitting up and giving the kitty little scratches on the head.

Sango chuckled. “Thank you. Kilala is my very best friend—she has taken care of my family and my clan for generations.”

“Yeah?” Luna tilted her head, quizzical. “Does she always stay in cat form?

“What do you mean?”

Kilala paid the conversation no mind, she just decided that this person petting her was the lap she wanted to lay on for the moment. Luna chuckled as the nekomata curled up with her head on her thigh. “Well… funny enough, my best friend is a cat demon too? She’s even done the same—watching over our family for generations.”

“Really?” Surprised, Sango looked to Kagome, who nodded.

“I thought you said there weren’t any demons in your time, Kagome?” Shippo piped up.

“It’s not that there aren’t any,” Kagome said. “They’re just… not all over anymore, like they are here.”

“Japan is one of the only places I know of that have actually kept their supernatural m—” Luna cleared her throat, “uh—inhabitants?—in check. The country where I live? Not so much.”

“But you mentioned the cat demon you know has a human form?” Sango asked. “I’ve never seen Kilala take on any form than this one or her full demon form.”

“Maybe… it’s because Alice is a Bakeneko? Rather than a Nekomata?” Kagome mused.

Luna nodded. “Could be, yeah. She’s got a cat form like this—and like Kilala’s full demon form too—but a lot of the time she stays in her, ah….” Luna started snapping her fingers at Kagome, trying to think of the word in Japanese. “[Humanoid form?]”

Kagome shrugged, “Most of the time, Alice just looks like a human.”

“600 years old and looks 25,” Luna rolled her eyes. “ ‘I choose to look this cute~!’, that’s what she always says.”

“She’s also watched over the Higurashi Family for generations. Heck of a coincidence, huh?”

~ ~ ~

Everything hurt.

From the tip of her nose to the end of her tail, every inch of Airisu’s tiny, feline body hurt. Her black fur was matted with blood and dirt, one of her eyes wouldn’t open all the way, and she struggled to draw in breath. Not only all that, but she was running low on her own demonic power as well—if she tried to use any to heal herself, she might not make it through the night. As it was… she feared she might not make it through the night anyway, but she had to keep going. Her family would have wanted her to.

It had been an incredibly rough night for the little cat demon. Her family was the last of the Bakeneko clan this far south; all the others of their kind had moved to the northern mountains a hundred years ago. And it wasn’t until now that Airisu saw why: down here, they were plagued by other demons. Their family over the years was slowly picked off, until it was only her, her parents, and her brother and sister. Until now, she’d done her best to try and protect them… but tonight… she’d failed.

Mama… Papa… everyone… I’m sorry… If she could shed tears in this form, she might have been. But all she could do right now was limp forward. At least I’ve lost the pig…

Or so she thought.

A rustling in the bushes caught her off-guard. Hackles raised (despite the sting), she hissed as the figure of the same ugly boar demon that murdered her family lumbered out of the woods. The boar’s crude scythe weapon was still coated in her family’s blood—and she could see a stain or two on its tusks, as well.

The thing’s laugh was a little more than a snort. “Thought you could get away, eh?! I’ll eat you, just like the rest of your little family!”

Grief twisted in her gut like a cold steel blade. This was it. She had just a little power left, and if this was going to be her last stand, then she was gonna use it to avenge her family. This boar was going to pay for the lives he’d taken. She summoned up her last nerve, and grew to her full size; flame erupted from her paws to ignite the transformation, her front fangs elongated past her chin, and her body grew to the size of a panther. She wouldn’t have long in this form, so she would have to strike quickly.

She leapt at the boar, one last war cry roaring from her maw. She aimed for its throat, but the boar wasn’t as exhausted as she was. He swung his weapon faster, catching her in the chest. She landed, chest heaving, and attempted to swipe at him with her claws, but she was too off-balance. As she fell, she shrank again, the last of her demonic power used up.

At least I went out fighting, everyone… she thought as she crumpled into the dirt, prepared for death.

It didn’t come. Instead, there was another voice; a human one. Airisu could only keep one eye open, straining to see what was happening:

It was a human woman, strangely dressed but boldly blocking the boar from finishing off the half-dead feline. She held an odd weapon—a rifle? But it looked so different from the ones Airisu had seen before… When the woman fired it, it looked like it spat fire, and the boar demon reeled back, squealing. No rifle Airisu had ever seen had that kind of effect on a demon: his flesh seemed to be sizzling as he tried to get away into the forest.

“Ugly-ass PIG,” The human girl shouted as she cocked the rifle again, “You leave that poor kitty alone!” She fired it again, and the boar demon fizzled into nothing.

Does this woman think I am a mere cat…? Airisu wanted to laugh, but she didn’t have the energy. She was fading fast. Either way… she saved me… even if it was in vain...

~~~

“Thought you said you had to save your ‘am-hoe’, and you got and blow some of it on some weak-ass boar demon?”

“Inuyasha, please don’t say it like that—”

“No, let him, it’s hilarious.”

“He does have a bit of a point,” Sango cut in, before either Inuyasha or Luna could spark another fight. “You did say you had to save your ‘shells’, right? It seems a little wasteful if you used some on that boar demon—why did you?”

Luna nodded down at the little bundle in her arms—it was the little cat that the boar demon had been after the night before. She was asleep; Luna had bandaged her injuries and kept her warm and safe all night. As the little cat slept, her breathing had evened out, and Luna figured (what with the demon markings and all) that she would be alright soon.

“This little cat was trying to fight him,” She said softly. “I saved her.”

“Well ya ain’t keeping it—”

“Inuyasha!” Kagome chastised.

“Quit yelling at me!” Inuaysha snapped back, “It ain’t like it’s a house pet! She’s a demon cat like Kilala. She’s alive, so we should leave her be and keep going. She’ll heal by herself.”

“Who died and made you King of the Rock?” Luna grumbled at him.

“Guys, look!” Shippo, sat beside Luna, stretched up to peek at the little bundle. “She’s waking up!”

Quickly but gently, so as not to alarm her, Luna set the cat down and backed away a little. The demon cat’s eyes blinked open, blurred and confused. Luna smiled at her.

“Hey there, kitty,” she said softly. “You’re gonna be okay now…”

She sat up a little, pulling out something wrapped in paper and tied with a string—a handful of little fish from the river. She let the cat sniff it before setting it down in front of her. Cautious, the cat stared at her for a long time before she began to munch on the offering.

“[‘Atta girl,]” Luna chuckled, “You feeling better now?”

The cat paused in eating, blinked, and then disappeared into a cloud of smoke. A little startled, a couple of the group jumped back, but Luna stood where she was.

In the place of the little cat now sat a girl. Short waves of black hair fell around a pair of sleek feline ears and kissed her cheeks. The pupils of her eyes were catlike as well, sitting among irises that resembled a sunset. She wore a short, tattered pink kimono, and had a bit of black fur tucked around her collar. She had the same magenta markings that the cat had; on her cheeks and forehead, as well as the same bushy black tail.

The girl plucked the little cloth she’d been wrapped in as a cat off of her head, smiling brightly as she held it out to Luna.

“Much better!”

There was a beat of confused silence, before the others began to clamor in confusion.

“She had a human form this whole time?!” Inuyasha shouted.

“She was probably weak from fighting, Inuyasha, that could be why she stayed in her smaller form—” Miroku tried to reason with him.

“She did look a little like Kilala does—but she has only one tail.” Sango uttered.

“Then she’s a Bakeneko!” Shippo proclaimed, “They’re not common around here, my dad used to tell me they all went up North!”

Kagome looked suspiciously at her sister, who wasn’t shocked at all by the new information. Luna just stood there, watching her friends start to freak out with a sly little smile on her face. When she caught Kagome’s eye, she quirked an eyebrow, but said nothing as she turned back to the Bakeneko sitting before her. Like she knows something… Kagome mused to herself.

“My name is Airisu,” the Bakeneko said, bowing her head in greeting, “I want to thank you, Miss. That boar demon took the lives of the rest of my family last night, and would have taken mine as well if you hadn’t intervened.”

Luna shrugged. “I was only doing what I thought was right.”

“Well, for that, I owe you my life,” Airisu bowed her head once again, placing her hand over her heart. “I doubt I could ever fully repay you, but to show my gratitude, I will do the same for you. I will follow where you go, and protect you as you have protected me.”

Luna opened her mouth to respond, but her friends were once again surprised:

“That seems rather extreme…” Miroku said.

“You’d think so!” Shippo commented, “but some Bakeneko are really loyal like that! Especially since she saved her life!”

“Really?” Sango wondered.

“Still though…” Kagome chuckled awkwardly.

“Luna doesn’t need her protection,” Inuyasha scoffed, “she’s got that crazy weapon—and if she did need someone else to protect her, she has us!”

“Guys,” Luna waved her hand at her friends, laughing, “Don’t worry about it. I got this.” She extended her hand to the Bakeneko. “Alice, I accept.”

The cat demon pouted. “It’s Airisu!”

“Right, right. Sorry—Airisu,” Luna corrected herself. “Welcome to the team.”

“Hold on, Luna,” Kagome grabbed her sister’s arm, pulling her aside. “Shouldn’t we all talk about this first? I mean… you only just met her?”

“No I didn’t,” Luna said, with that knowing little smile on her face again. “You kidding? I’ve known her all my life. And so have you, Kags.”

It took a second for Kagome to put the pieces together. She glanced back over at the Bakeneko, who had started formally introducing herself to the rest of their friends. The bubbly smile, the black hair, the vibrant orange eyes—it finally clicked. “Wait… you don’t mean that’s—”

“The very same,” Luna smiled fondly as she watched the realization cross her sister’s face. “She’d be pretty young for a demon by now—only 40 or 50 years old—but that’s Alice alright. And I’d trust that cat with my life.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t recognize her at first,” Kagome said softly.

“Well, it’s also been a few years since you’ve seen her, too,” Luna nudged her sister. “But look, we can’t tell her that we know her in the future. Gotta Marty McFly this, okay?”

“You can’t go two seconds without some pop culture reference, can you?”

“Absolutely not.” Luna laughed.

I just woke up from a mini nap. I am not feeling great. My foot is hurting real bad and I woke up really hungry and inhaled a sandwich but now all that bread hurt my tummy. I am going to close my eyes again once I get this all posted up.

I had a pretty okay day! Last night was a lot of fun. And I got home around 11, got the shower I wanted, and I slept well. But then I woke up at 730 and my back was so itchy and I couldnt reach it. It was the perfect spot on my back I couldnt reach from either side! I texted James who was in the kitchen and he came in and helped me out. Which allowed me to just rest for a little longer. 

I felt pretty good. I woke up an got dressed and wore my new sweatshirt from Jess. But I was just kind of off all day. Which is frustrating. I am trying hard to not be a potato. But I just feel low. 

But James is great and helped me feel a little better. He made some amazing crepes with ricotta and lemon and strawberry. He had never made crepes before and they came out so nice. I love him. Always trying to take care of me. 

Kimberly texted me to ask to borrow a soft ruler and so me and James searched for that. I couldnt find my big one but found a small one that would work for her. So later in the morning she would come over. But in the mean time we cleaned. 

I vacuumed and did the kitty litter and the fish tanks. James worked on surfaces and trash. We got the place nice and ship shape. It always feels nicer when its not so dusty in here. The new vacuum is so good at getting up cat hair and its excellent. Helps with the second cat too. 

Andrew is a sweetheart but I am looking forward to only one cat in the apartment. SweetP is not good at sticking up for himself when Andrew does normal cat things. He just doesnt know whats happening. So when Andrew bites his neck he's like ???? And then Andrew tried to hump him and were like!!!!! Stop!!! 

But I keep making sure I give sweetP lots of attention and remind him he's special. Because Andrew is getting his forever home soon!!

Kimberly came down with Kia the dog to introduce her to Andrew for real. And it went. About as expected. 

Andrew was really puffy and freaked out at first but we were all calm and Kia is such a sweet baby and even when Andrew hissed and swatted was just laying on the ground showing she isnt scary. By the end they were sitting in the same room and everything was calm. I am so glad its working. And Kimberly loved the collar I made for him and gushed about the mushroom charm I put on it. I knew it was the right choice.

Soon it was going to be time to go to work. I packed up a lunch and me and James hung out on the couch for a bit. I didnt want to go. But I know work is good for me. I just feel really tired. Emotionally and physically. So when James drove me I was like. Really bummed to be going there. The school just upsets me to be in. Its frustrating when I really do love the work!! 

But I get to the school and found the classroom locked and I had to go search for someone with a key. And I was just not feeling good and was sad about how things keep getting stolen from us. 

So I spent my set up time trying to move everything into the cabinet that was open in the art closet and made it so all the good stuff is out of sight. But I was still sad and tired. I wanted to go home. But I didnt. I stuck it out.

And the kids were good in general. I only had one issue with a fight between some of my kids. But we worked on our paper mache and we painted. We talked about abstraction. We told stories. It was nice. I still didnt feel good but it was a very good day in the class.

Pick up took a really long time and James was in the parking lot waiting for me but I had a millon things to clean still and got paint on my dress and then a crayon got caught in the board's wheel and got on the ground and I almost started crying because I couldnt get it off the floor. Marcus told me we would deal with it later. It was okay. I just needed to go home. 

James made me feel a little better. He made us baked potatoes with broccoli and it was really nice. But I was just really tired. So at 7 I went and laid down with a video and eventually fell asleep. 

I woke up and some of our DnD friends were here. I had my snack and it didnt make me feel great. But I am trying to convince myself not go get something else to snack on. I really just want to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow but I am afraid Im going to feel this crappy again and have to call out or something. 

I am going to try to make this work best I can. Make it through the day. 

Wish me luck everyone. Sleep well. Be safe. Stay warm, its getting real cold out there

WISH YOU COULD STAY

TAGGING → @yourkittywilde & @sammynolanh  

TIME FRAME →  I don’t remember, some time in Jan. 

LOCATION → Sammy’s apartment, NYC.

WARNINGS → none that I can remember, tho it’s kitty & sammy so probably nsfw - ish.

NOTES → Sammy leaves to spend a bunch of time in LA filming. 

KITTY

It felt like the easiest route in the world, the one from Kitty's place to Sammy's. Everything was finally easy, everything was right and perfect and now? Now Sammy was leaving and the knot in her stomach had only gotten more tangled since the moment they landed back from Florida. She puts her hand on his apartment key easily and opens the door to her boyfriend's apartment. "Hey, hot shot," she calls out, smiling involuntarily when she sees the small dog emerge from seemingly nowhere. Dude had grown on her, he had this playful energy that reminded her of Sammy so in some ways it was inevitable. She wasn't a dog person, Dude was the exception. "What's hanging, little dude?" She reaches down to pat his head, "Where's your dad that's abandoning us today?"

SAMMY

Sammy had just emerged from the shower when he heard another voice in his apartment. Since he knew nobody else had a key, he figured it was Kitty. Not that he wasn’t expecting her but he didn’t what time she was coming around. He had about another hour before he had to leave to the airport. He could hear the dog barking in excitement and he stepped out of his bedroom with his towel wrapped around his waist to go and greet the girl. “Hey, beautiful.” He grinned and pulled her in to kiss her deeply.

KITTY

Kitty leaned into her boyfriend's kiss, her fingers grazing over his shirtless chest. She'd miss this. She pulls away from his lips with soft smile. "Go and put some clothes on," she says her hands moving to his abs. "Its not fair to walk around taunting me with your hotness before you leave me." She pouts for a second before unhooking the towel from his waist, "but I'll take this anyway. You know, to control to the washing you leave behind... Come on." She smirks, towel in hand as she moves towards his bedroom and gestures for the pup to follow.

SAMMY

Sammy raised a brow when Kitty told him to put some clothes on “You really want that right now?” He grinned as she unhooked his towel. “That’s what I thought.” He laughed as he rushed back to the room with her. Chills went up His body from being naked. He looked over at Kitty and walked over to her with a small smile. “You doin’ okay?” He asked her.

KITTY

She threw the towel down onto his bed, letting it land messily, and turned around with a smirk on her lips when she saw her super hot naked boyfriend. The next question though really wasn't one she wanted to answer. "It doesn't matter either way, babe," she says nonchalantly, looking up at him with a faint smile. She was determined to get through today without feeling like her heart was breaking - neither of them needed that, and Sammy didnt need to know it already kinda was. "Are you doing okay?I guess it's just another day in the life of a movie star for you." She asks him, her arm wrapping around his waist as she leans in to kiss his chest lightly. "Do you need help with anything? Packing? Dude? There's got to be... something I can do."

SAMMY

Sammy frowned a bit. “It does matter.” He mentioned and ran a hand through her hair gently. Yes, he was excited to start filming again but he was also very sad to leave Kitty. They had been attached to the hip ever since they got together. He shrugged. “I’m excited to work but I’m really sad about leaving you and Dude behind.” He kissed the top of her head. “I’m actually all packed, I didn’t know if you wanted to stay here with Dude or take him back to your place, but I packed you a little dude overnight bag with essentials.” He told her with a small smile. It was hard to be too happy because he didn’t know how long it would be before he would get to see her again and that killed him. He nuzzled his face into her hair. “I love you.”

KITTY

Kitty sighs quietly and a little sadly, hugging her arms around him tighter. This wasnt a conversation she was ready to have. Going from spending every possible minute with each other to being in different states for God knows how long felt like a disaster waiting to happen, but she was going to support Sammy. "I love you," she murmurs finally, ignoring everything beforehand that could remind her there's a lump in her throat. She pulls away to sit on the bed. "I dont know where I'll stay, but thanks." She smiles up at him and calls to Dude to jump up. "I know I want him here, but you can take him with you if you want? He's still your puppy, babe, and you dont know how long-" She still can't say it outloud, so she shrugs. "Also not that I'm complaining, but you really should put some clothes on before you freeze."

SAMMY

Sammy shrugged again. “You’ll have more time for him anyway.” He told her. He reached over to the pile of clothes he had set out before his shower, grabbing his briefs and sliding them on first and then his joggers. He sat next to Kitty on the bed and pulled his socks on before laying back on the bed, looking up at Kitty. Dude attacking his chest with kisses but settling there after a moment. Sammy pet the dog lovingly and smiled at Kitty. “I’m gonna miss you.” He told her.

KITTY

"You won't." She shrugged and laid down next to him. "You may, for the first hot minute because you're so used to having me around, and then you'll get swept away in Hollywood," she muses, looking at the ceiling and then back to Sammy. "There's a reason long distance doesn't work like, 99 percent of the time. And we've only been together a few weeks, you're about to be away for longer than we've even been together. So, you know, you won't." She sits up and takes a second to pull herself together, before mustering a smile, "But, it's okay. I'm okay. We're okay."

SAMMY

Sammy furrowed his brows, he wasn’t sure what was going on or why Kitty was saying all this. Was she breaking up with him, is that what was happening? Cause that’s how it felt. “What are you doing? Why are you saying this.” Sammy replied, his chest feeling tight and his stomach in knots. “Why are you being so negative about us? Do you not believe in us?” Sammy didn’t get it, the thought that they wouldn’t work out long distance hadn’t even crossed his mind. He was going to visit her and plus it wasn’t even that long.

KITTY

"I'm not being negative. I'm being realistic. Long distance relationships rarely work out." She shrugged. "I love you, but you cant even tell me when we'll see each other again" she says, her voice breaking slightly. "And then you'll finish your movie and press and Hollywood heart throb duties and come back to New York in time for me to leave it. It feels like a lot of goodbyes... and not something we talked about before we decided to get together." She chews on her bottom lip, and could feel the tears on her cheek. "I mean... for you and Dude, obviously," she adds and forces a smile to try and lighten the mood. "Don't worry, I'll get used to it, I just didn't think about it. Since meeting you you've spent most of your time in New York so you've always been in my life. At times annoyingly so. And now, it's gonna be different."

SAMMY

He sat up.“I’m not going to be gone for that long. They only gave us a month to finish the movie. I’m going to come visit you, Kitty. But you can’t think this way and let this get the better of you.” He spoke quietly. “It almost sounds like you’re just giving up because it might be too hard. And I don’t know where you get the idea that I’m not going to miss you or that I’m going to forget about you.” He brought his hand up to brush the tears off her face and pulled her close to his chest, kissing the side of her head. “We are too special to give up. We’re strong and we’re going to get through this... Even if you decline all the plane tickets I’m going to be sending you.” He added on.

KITTY

Kitty shook her head. "Sure, long distance feels kinda impossible. But I'm not giving up on you, babe." Even if a part of her did think it would be easier, she would take one look at Sammy's face and change her mind. Her eyes flutter shut for a moment as his hand brushes her cheek, and all she can think about is how quickly she has fallen for this man and how much this whole thing sucks.  Not as much as when he went to LA to be with his fake girlfriend, but sucks nonetheless. "You know it's easier to leave than be left, right? " She says quietly, as she leans against his chest. "I think I'm gonna miss you a lot, Samuel Hummel... I'm gonna have to get my own coffee, and actually sleep at my own apartment. By myself." She huffs. "It'll be like I'm single again, except I can't get random cute boys  to buy me coffee on the off chance I'll hook up with them."  she sighs and looks up at him with a small smile. "But for the record,  I don't let anything get the better of me."

SAMMY

Sammy bit his lip and sighed “I know... but don’t think this is easy for me. All I’ve known is you for the past month.... I know I’m going to miss you, so much.” He rubbed her back gently and cuddled her into his chest. “You know you can stay here and you can Uber eats your coffee, or use the French press I bought you for Christmas...” he grinned. “But you’re not single and we’re gonna have sexy phone and Skype calls. Plus you have those pictures and that video we took in Florida.” He raised a brow with a suggestive smirk. He leaned down to kiss her. “I love you.”

KITTY

"Always my coffee knight in shining armor." She muses happily, and smirks when he reminds her about the sex tape. "That's very true. I guess I don't really need you here any more then." She teases, poking him playfully before pulling away with a quick peck to his lips. "I love you too... But we should go to the airport." Because the longer she sat in his embrace the more likely she was to suddenly beg him to stay... probably without clothing. And the less likely she was to keep holding it together. "Say good bye to Dude because staying with me I don't know what state hes gonna be in when you get back." She laughs as she picks him up hold the small pup in her arms.

SAMMY

Sammy sighed as she reminded him that he had to go. He nodded and turned to grab his shirt and pulled it on and then turned back to Kitty and the puppy. He leaned over and kissed the pup, letting him lick at his face. He chuckled and pulled away, wiping the dog saliva from his face. He looked up at Kitty with a sad smile. “Okay, lets go.”

Hi, today is my 20th birthday and I was inspired by Taylor’s Elle article. I’ve learned so much about myself and life the past 20 years. These are the things I hope to always remember whenever I feel down or need some simple reminders.

1. There’s no place like home

Home is where the arch is at (look at me slowly becoming a walking UGA advertisement). But seriously there is nothing better than being home where you have that one char that perfectly contours to your butt and having a place that holds so many memories.

2. Music Serves a Purpose

Music for me has become something that brings forward many memories, so many friendships, so many moments that have become part of the song. Let’s Get Married? My heart starts beating so fast and I remember Taylor’s face when she told me she knew I was the bleachers fan. This Love? rep Tour Atlanta. Bad Blood? Crippling my back.

3. Food is the Spice of Life

I’m lucky to have parents who really have encouraged me to try all different cuisines and new flavors. Mediterranean, Turkish, Green, Chinese, Indian, Mexican, and everything else in between makes life interesting.

4. You never know who’s watching

Online and in real life. Potential employers, Taylor Swift, Taylor nation, radio stations, classmates, friends, teachers, the lady who’s serving your food. Everyone is watching and in a way what you give to the world makes an impact and affects how people see you.

5. Kitty snuggles

Animals make just want to be loved and want your attention and affection. I’m here to give all the snuggles and belly rubs.

6. Remember where you come from

Your parents lived through struggle and hardship and worked so hard to give you a life

where you can have nice things. Don’t take that for granted.

7. Aging is fun

Your body is 20 years old and all the aches and pains are starting.

Knee pain, back pain, carpal tunnel. Yay!!

8. VITAMINS!!!

See number 7. My body needs some help and some reinforcement! I make look like an old granny with my pill case at the dining hall- but I don’t care because they help out so much. Vitamin C for immune health (let’s be honest college campus is a breeding group for germs), Fish Oil to keep that heart healthy, biotin to keep my hair on my head, multi vitamin to fill all the gaps, vitamin e for energy, chondroitin to help my joints, lutein for my vision, and turmeric to reduce inflammation. Yeah it’s a lot, but I feel so much better.

9. You always wanted to grow up.

Yet now you are “grownup” in a sense and it’s weird because you still feel 13 and living your best life playing Red in repeat.

10. Fuzzy socks

I mean need I say more. A good pack of fuzzy socks during the cold winter months is a must and makes great gifts because socks will just disappear on you.

11. You can’t bake

Cook, yes. Bake? HARD NO

12. Politics

The P word. Politics are tricky and not everyone is going to align with my own views, and that is OK. What can I personally do to share my own viewpoints?

13. Taylor Swift

I think my parents never really knew the full extent of my love for Taylor until I can running down the stairs screaming “OMG I’M GOING TO MEET TAYLOR” and they were really confused because they didn’t know about my social accounts. I ‘ve learned that if I truly love and support something, just go for it. And I do now proudly on my forehead.

14. Hard work pays off

Sports and school have really taught me that I am a person who needs constant practice and problems to overcome to get better. Putting forth the bad work and effort is something my parents have instilled in me since a young child. Everything I do I hope to always give it my best.

15. Failure is okay

It’s okay because failure brings forth so much learning and self-learning how to move forward and strive to do better.  

16. Journaling

Journaling has been a way for me to remember so many important events, thoughts, etc. It’s an easy way for me to vent and go get ideas off of my chest.

17. Lipstick gets on your chin

It happens every time I eat and tbh it is because I have a big mouth.

18. You can’t fight genetics

Not so great skin hehe thanks Mom and Dad for that. Weak ankles, thanks Mom. Smooth hair thanks genetics! I can’t really stop these parts of me, but I can do things like taking extra steps towards skincare and wearing ankle braces to help out.

19. The internet is as safe as you want it to be

I choose what I share and what I don’t share. I block the people who appear to have not the best intentions. The friends you make are amazing.

20. Work, work, work

In a couple of years I’ll be working like a full time adult job. I don’t drink coffee on the daily  in the morning but who knows what the future holds!!

@taylorswift @taylornation

DOTW 55 update

Eren was an omega with a dilemma or seven. He had the most perfect nursery and a burning need to nest on the soft plush rug in there. Thanks to Levi's daily need to clean, he'd had to "smuggle" out Levi's dirty clothes from the bathroom, only for his alpha to notice as he was packing to leave and wanted to pack half the things now squirrel away in his nest. The problem was that he didn't have enough clothes to split between his current nest of perfection and the nursery. They couldn't leave the door open without Titan climbing into the cot and claiming it for himself as he'd done the moment he could, but the room didn't have enough of their scents. He didn't mind Titan in the nursery, as everything was neatly packed away. They were still yet to get soft toys for the pup, so between the rug and the cot, he could live with a little fur... he just didn't want Titan peeing in there... and if he nested on the floor, there was the struggle to get back up. But it looked so inviting to nest in... and his current nest felt amazing. His pillow was covered with one of Levi's shirt, while a dirty towel covered in Levi's cum was helping with his other urges. Not that he was touching himself, it was more the need for the scent of his fiancée wanting him. He'd asked Levi for something dirty, not expecting his mate to jerk off while he slept and to leave such a present in his nest. That was another issue. He didn't want the nursery smelling of sex. He wanted to keep all thoughts of sex outside of it. It was almost a sacred space for the omega. Their child was innocent and he wanted to persevere that innocent for as long as possible. He'd already decided no dating until his pup was at least 30, and even then, they had to get past Levi first. His third dilemma was that he was looking forward to proving to Levi that he was alright alone. His alpha worried too much, and that was just during his 12 hour shifts. He'd napped after his alpha left, the started prepping meals for the next week, to send to Levi, quietly proud that his alpha was going to be attending such important training. 7 days alone would have been perfect, but Hanji had come to check on him on his first night alone... with enough clothes for and Anna to stay the whole time Levi was away. Titan wasn't as fond of the little girl as he was. She was starting to crawl... and the object over her attention was the fat tom... and if it wasn't Anna chasing Titan, it was Hanji. The only time Titan got any relief was by hiding in his nest. Hanji had chased him in there while Eren was trying to nap. The woman going to retrieve him out the nest, only for Eren to yell at her. It was his nest, and Levi had explained that it was his right to choose who entered. Hanji definitely didn't have his permission to. It'd taken hours for her smell to stop bugging him as it was. His forth dilemma was the worst. Ever since Levi had left, the weather had been shit. Storming non-stop. Storms weren't so bad with Levi there, nor too bad when he become one with his nest. The only issue was the fact he had to pee... and the lights kept flickering out... and his anxieties shot sky high... and Hanji was there to witness it all... He'd thought his week alone would be easy, but life had other plans... as he counted down the minutes until his fiancée came home. * Having decided to keep their engagement to themselves, they'd stayed locked up in the bubble of bliss right up to the moment Levi had to leave. The alpha calling in sick to work, so he could spend every moment with Eren. Every time they whispered "fiancée" to each other, Eren would giggle and kiss him. His happy smile and constant purring was adorable, while Levi was just as bad. He couldn't keep his hands off his beautiful fiancée, only leaving Eren alone while he slept, so he could get some much needed rest on the off chance his omega's nightmares returned in his absence. This had made assembling the nursery hard, every time Eren was out of his reach, he was reaching for him, pulling him back against him so he could nuzzle and breathe in his scent. But once the nursery was done, he felt a rush of pride. Everything had come together perfectly, Eren having accepted the handprints had been painted over, yet still the cot was still positioned beneath them. Eren was in tears from it all, crying into the crook of his neck as he thanked him. Levi didn't know what he was being thanked for, Eren was the one doing all the hard work of carrying their pup. Things couldn't get any more perfect. He had the most amazing omega in the world for a fiancée and mate, who was carrying their big and healthy pup... and by the end of the year, they'd both be parents. Eren had stayed at home, while Erwin picked up him. The moment he left the apartment, he felt like all of this was a huge mistake. His face settling into a fierce scowl that stayed there for days. Mitras was all a scam. The place recognised for its historical significance, leading to the capital city of the island being an ugly mix of old and new. The rich arses that called the place home were completely out of touch with reality, the kind of people to call emergency services if they had the wrong spoon for their snails... or whatever you use to eat snails with. Levi still couldn't stomach the idea of eating snails, especially when it could be lethal due to the parasites they carried. Rich people were definitely in world of their own... yet some how, he still found himself wishing he could have brought Eren with him. His fiancée would go crazy for all the old cobbled alleyways, and fancy manor houses. Instead, he was stuck sharing a tiny room with Erwin and his eyebrows. There wasn't even anywhere he could escape for privacy. The bathroom wasn't sound proof, which he'd learned the hard way when they'd arrived. The balcony was much the same. He'd called Eren to let him know they'd gotten to the hotel safely, happy to hear his mate's sleepy voice as he complained about how big and empty their bed was. Telling Eren he loved him, he walked right out to Erwin "oooohing" and laughing over their conversation. So, now if he wanted to talk to his mate, he had to head all the way down to first floor, safe from Erwin's prying. And the only time he got to call Eren was in the middle of the night. They could text during the day, but he really didn't seem that happy being with Hanji. He'd asked her to check in, not to fucking move in. He wanted his fiancée happy and relaxed, waiting for him to come home with a smile on his face and a warm cuddle. Having showered for the evening, Levi checked his phone. He'd messaged Eren earlier to ask how was feeling. Smiling at Eren's name on his screen, he opened the message to find a screenshot of a raw stuffed turkey. The message under it reading "I found myself on the google". Laughing to himself, he sank down on his bed. Erwin was busy out on the balcony, the smell of cigarettes wafting into the room. Fuck it. He really wanted to hear his fiancées voice. They were training for rescues in extreme situations, and had spent the day fucking abseiling, something he was sure wasn't supposed to be in their job description. He was a fucking paramedic, not a firefighter. Tapping on his screen, he sighed to himself as he raised his phone to his ear. All he wanted was to be home, but there were three fucking days of this shit left "Levi?" Eren sounded confused, but the breathy way he said his name sent his heart racing "Hey, you. So, you're a turkey now?" "I feel stuffed... and if you think about it, the roasting pan is kind of like a nest" Levi let out a soft laugh "That's true, but I think I prefer you being you. How was your day?" "Ugh... it was... yeah" "Did something happen?" "It's just chaos. Titan's scared of Anna. Anna wants to pat the kitty. Hanji wants to pat the kitty. The only time I get some peace is when I'm in my nest, and Hanji even tried to get Titan out of it" Levi growled. Hanji had no fucking right "It's ok. I yelled at her for it. But fuck, I miss you" "How's your anxiety been?" "It's been storming here. The lights keep going off... so not great, but then I remind myself you'll be home soon" "Do you want me to talk to Hanji?" "No... No, it's ok. It's nice spending time with Anna. She loves baths almost as much as she loves Titan" "Should I ask how dirty the apartment is?" "No. Let's just say, there are crumbs over the sofa, and recliner, and every surface there could be... no matter how much I clean. But I can only clean at night, and by then I just want you and sleep" Fucking shitty Hanji! "3 more days, and I'll be home" "I know... I miss you so much. My nest feels so good, but it'd feel even better with you" "When I get home, I can show you just how good it feels with me there" "Mmm. I like the sound of that. My sexy fiancée showing me just how much he's missed me" "You have no idea..." "From that present you left, I have a pretty good idea... I have my face up against it right now" It was equal parts hot, and equal parts revolting to think Eren had a jizz covered towel to his face "Has it helped?" "It reminds me of the night I proposed to you... you in my lap, suckling on my breasts. They feel so heavy" Levi groaned, his hand slipping beneath his towel before remembering Erwin was out on the balcony. Fucking cock-blocked by bushy brows "Brat..." His voice a gentle growl "Every time Anna cries for food, they start to leak..." "Fuck, brat. You should send me a photo" "Maybe... it depends" "On what?" "If you'll stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep?" "You know you don't have to ask" "It's still early, but I've been so sleepy" "You're not sleeping?" "Not very well. Not without. I keep locking my door, then I have to struggle out of bed to pee..." He wasn't getting it. It was a simple lock "You need to get up that frequently?" Eren softly mumbled "I... I had a really bad nightmare and my screaming scared Anna. I have to block the gap under the door. I'm scared of upsetting her again" "Eren, you need your rest" "I know. But like I said, it's ok if I tell myself you're coming home soon" "Do you want to talk about you nightmare?" "It wasn't great" "I know. You've never had great ones" "Levi, the happy ones are called dreams" "You know what I mean" "I do... it's just the rain. Instead of me being in that basement, it's our pup. He's crying and crying, but I can't get out my chains. Then when you show up, they hurt you. I know it can't happen. I know it's just a dream, but if anything ever happened to you... or our pup. I don't want to think about it" "I'm sorry I'm not there" "No. You're where you should be... hang on, I'll be right back" In the time it took for Eren to return, Levi finally got dressed. Crawling under the stiff and over starched sheets, he placed his phone on his pillow and listened to the background noises of the apartment. Eren's return following a few curse words and a long groan "Brat, everything ok?" "Yeah. Titan ran under my feet. I think he knows I'm talking to his daddy" "Just a few more days and I'll be home" "I know. I tell him every morning that you miss him, and that Anna isn't staying forever" "With all that running, I'm going to have to stop calling him fat" "He's fluffy. He had a failure to cat earlier. I had to move his food to the kitchen bench because Anna was getting to it. He went to jump up, and ended up smacking into the side of the kitchen bench. He seems ok. He paused then glared at me, before running off to my room" Levi smiled at the thought of Eren's laugh. He fucking missed it "What else has been happening? How's the pup?" "Kicking my ribs. He always kicks more when Hanji's around. I swear he's trying to pick a fight with her" "That's because he knows how fucking annoying she is" "Maybe. She did help me out with the first panic attack, then she went and cooked eggs, and that was it. I told her not to" "Did you throw up on her?" "No. I spent a solid ten minutes throwing up into the kitchen sink. Then I ended up walking around the house trying to figure out if I should move my nest" "It's not any good?" "The nest is perfect. And I'll wash everything I've borrowed, but the nursery still smells like paint. I really want to get it smelling like us" "Why didn't you move our sheets into it?" "Because of a certain alpha that couldn't keep his hands off his fiancée" "From what I remember, we didn't make a mess" Eren had asked not to be knotted again because of his sore arse. So they'd touched a little and used condoms to keep the mess down "No, but they smell like sex. It'll be alright once you come home. I can open the room up again" "Did Hanji say anything about it?" "She wanted to look, but I'm not ready to share it yet" "It's alright, we don't have to. Do you two have anything planned for the next few days?" "She wants to take me shopping for supplies, for the baby shower. Honestly, I don't even know if I want to go" "Then we won't" "We can't skip our own baby shower. Besides, there's going to be cake" "Oh. So that's what I need. Bribery to get you out the apartment?" "I like going out with you... it makes me feel like I can and it's been long enough that no one recognises me anymore... Shopping with Hanji is like shopping with an adult sized toddler. If it's sparkly, she wants it" "Aren't you the same?" "I don't want everything shiny... between one tiny shiny and a whole day with you, or a massive shiny and half a day with you, I'd choose the tiny shiny" Eren let out a long yawn, Levi could hear him burrowing down against his pillows "I'd buy you all the shinies you want" "And the fact you don't, makes me happy. I want to be with you. Not with an alpha who tries to buy my love. Besides, books are good too" "Do you need new books?" "I don't know. I'm too sleepy to think. Actually, I'm thinking. But not about books" "Then what are you thinking about?" "Bridges" Levi raised an eyebrow "Bridges?" "Like how did they used to make them? In like really deep water. It's so weird" "Why are you thinking about bridges?" "I don't know. I started thinking about them when I was peeing" "Did Hanji give you strange drugs again?" "She's making me drink this fibre drink stuff that tastes horrible, but she swears I'll thank her for it. I like the chocolate stuff better" The chocolate stuff was actually a hospital grade meal replacement shake that was filled with vitamins and minerals to help keep Eren healthy with how much their pup was absorbing from him "I promise I won't make you drink it when I get home" "Good. She also ate all my food prep... it was all neat and tidy, then gone. We have to get food when we go get things for the baby shower" "I'll put some money in your account" "It's ok. She ate it, so she should pay for it" "I meant so you can buy anything you like" "I was thinking about getting some soft toys..." Eren yawned again "... but that can wait until your home. Tell me about your day" "Exhausting. It hasn't been raining here, so we've been stuck outside..." It only took a few minutes for Eren to be asleep. Levi didn't know if he should be insulted or not. His day had been long and rather boring. At least it had been to him. Closing his eyes, he listened to Eren's breathing. A slight wheeze concerning him. He was going to have to call Hanji and yell at her not taking better care of his omega. It didn't take long before a soft purr came through. Titan would be curled up at the top of Eren's nest with him, or laying with his head up against Eren's breasts. He'd wanted to go home from the moment he'd left, but right now... he'd sacrifice Erwin in a heartbeat to be there. * The day had come. He was finally back home. Erwin had dropped him off, and Hanji had apparently gone home already to get ready for tomorrow's baby shower. The woman really didn't know how to take a breath and slow down. Both he and Erwin were exhausted and without realising it, they'd been in Mitras for Halloween. Levi had been thinking there was some extra week in October, but November had slipped in there from nowhere. Letting himself into their apartment. He closed and locked the door quietly. Eren was no where to be seen, while the apartment looked as if a bomb had hit it. He had no fucking idea how Hanji made so much mess, or how she'd managed to stink the place out so badly. His alpha roaring in anger over the fact her scent was mixing with Eren's, though her scent didn't compliment his love's at all. Rolling his suitcase over to the sofa, Levi dumped it in order to struggle out his jacket. "Eren?" Calling softly, he got no reply. Checking the bathroom, their room and Eren's room, he found them empty. That only left the nursery. Letting himself into the room, Eren was curled up on the floor rug. A single blanket covered his fiancée. Walking over to him, Levi squatted down, stroking Eren's hair as he smiled at the sight of his mate "Eren, it's time to wake up" Mumbling his name, Eren curled himself tighter. How was supposed to ignore an invitation like that? Leaning in, he kissed Eren's parted lips, the omega immediately moaning into the kiss. Pulling back, the omega blinked at him with wide green eyes, before surging up and throwing his arms around him "Levi!" Falling backwards, Levi ended up with a lapful of happy omega "Hey, brat. Did you miss me?" Nuzzling furiously into his neck, that was definite yes. His senses were filled with the rush off pure happiness exuding from his fiancée. Gently pushing Eren back, his omega was not to be thwarted. Cupping his face, Eren's lips eagerly found his. The kiss deep and filled with affection, yet over all too fast "Let me look at you. You're ok, aren't you? How was training? How was your flight? Did you smother Erwin for snoring?" "Calm down and take a breath. I'm fine. No injuries. The flight was boring, and as tempting as it was, no. What about you? Why are you sleeping in here?" "Oh... I came in to bring the blanket in. I guess I was so sleepy that I fell asleep. I'm so happy you're home" "I can see. I missed you so fucking much" Leaning in, Levi kissed his mate, Eren mewing and grinding in his lap. The need to kiss every single inch of his fiancée was too much for him. With a growl and a protest from his knees, he'd gotten them both up from the floor and Eren into his arms before his omega could realise what was happening. Giggling, Eren peppered his jaw with kisses "My sexy fiancée" "You're the sexy one" "I don't know about that" "I do. I'm going to show exactly what that means" "Oooooh... then you better take me to my nest" "I wouldn't dream of taking you anywhere else" Eren's nest had collected even more of their things in his absence, including the rabbit Eren had won. Laying his mate down, he climbed into Eren's lap "Fuck, brat. You're beautiful. Have u told you that?" Eren giggled "You might have mentioned it" Sliding the omegas shirt up, Eren's swell had him drooling. His mate even bigger than when he'd left. Leaning down, he nuzzled Eren's stomach "He's missed you too" "Mmm. Hello, baby. I'm sorry daddy had to work. But I'm home now" Running his tongue alone the dark line in the centre of Eren's stomach, Eren moaned. His hands gripping the sheets as Levi's hands went to the waist band of Eren's boxer briefs. Thank fuck the omega wasn't wearing anything more complicated. His brain could barely function as it was "I love you and I want you" "That's all I can think about" Lifting his hips, Levi freed Eren of his underwear. The omega's dick already hard as his thighs shook. Growling, the last of his braincells short circuited as hungrily took Eren into his mouth. A week might as well as been a month, or even a year. Bobbing his head, he stripped himself without letting up. With all the blood having gone to his dick, it was almost like he was in rut. He needed to be connected to Eren as soon as possible. He needed to feel his mate around him, and he needed to hold him. Throwing his button up shirt across the room, he then fumbled with his belt, cursing himself for wearing too many clothes. Forced to pull back, Eren whined at him "Shirt. Off. Now" Nodding quickly Eren stripped himself, before rolling over to present himself to Levi. Forced to climb off the bed in order to strip, he couldn't get back on fast enough. Grabbing Eren by his arse, he spread his cheeks, slick already dribbling down his crack as his opening twitched. He didn't think twice before burying his face against Eren's arse, his tongue making his love jump as he pushed in, desperately lapping at the slick like there was now tomorrow. Even when so painfully aroused, he wouldn't risk hurting his mate. Using his tongue and fingers, he drank down every drop of slick he could until Eren's opening was wide and loose "Alpha... please. I can't take it..." "I've got you, omega... such a good boy, presenting for me like this. Going to knot you so good" Eren nodded, holding himself still as Levi shuffled forward enough to mount his mate. Moaning in unison, he pushed in completely before waiting for Eren to adjust "You... can move" Fighting his instincts Levi forced himself to rein in his alpha. He had his whole life to fuck Eren right in his mattress, but he only had one moment like this. Slowly he thrust, Eren gasping at every movement, while Levi enjoyed watching himself sliding in and out of Eren with ease "My pretty little omega. You take me dick so greedily" Nodding, Eren clenched around him, Levi nearly blowing his whole load at the sensation "All for you" "Going to fill you with my seed and breed you so good. You're going to have a whole litter of pups" "Yes! Please... please give me your pups! Need them..." "Have you birth this one, then breed you all over again" His alpha had taken over his mouth. It's primal desires falling from his lips "Or maybe you'd like me to fuck you through your labour? Make you come with each contraction" Eren let out a shrill cry, coming so hard Levi couldn't move as he clamped around him "You like that? My dick fucking you while you think of birthing our pup? Or would you rather sit in my lap as I drink from your breasts again" "A-alpha. They hurt" Sliding his hands from Eren's hips, he took his breasts in his hands, pulling Eren up to sit in his lap while working his nipples. Whimpering, Eren went boneless against him, Levi's alpha finally getting its wish as he rode his mate harder "Look at you... so hungry for an alpha's fat knot in that slutty arse of yours. Take it all like the omega you are" Dragging his teeth along Eren's shoulder, he sank his teeth in as his knot popped. Growling, his knot tugged as he tried to bury himself as deep as he could get. Panting through his nose, his teeth remained in Eren's flesh until the initial thick pulses of his dick had passed, the majority of his come bow painting Eren's walls weight as the rest of his come oozed out as it would for next 20 or minutes. Pulling his teeth free, Levi lapped at Eren's neck. Slightly lightheaded from the intensity of his orgasm, while his alpha's ego swelled over how sexually compatible they were. Kissing Eren's shoulder up to his neck, he caught a whiff of something sour, stilling as he realised Eren was shaking like a leaf "Hey. Eren, are you ok?" "I..." "Shit. Here, come here" Sitting back properly, Levi wrapped his arms around his mate "I'm sorry... that was probably too much. I lost my mind to my alpha. I didn't mean to scare you" Eren sniffled. He knew tears didn't always mean anything thanks to Eren's hormones, but these seemed to "I lied..." "You lied?" Levi was confused. Nodding, Eren turned in his hold. Enough that Levi could see the side of his face "I went to the nursery because I had a nightmare..." "Oh, brat. It's ok. I'm home now" "I dreamt I didn't escape... they made me stay there... and wouldn't let me see you or our pup" Something he probably should have known before thoroughly drilling Eren's arse. Again he found himself mentally cursing, though this time at his alpha for not keeping its mouth shut "Shhhh. You're ok" "I missed you. I missed you so much. I thought I'd never get home to you" Crooning softly, Levi kissed Eren's temple "You're safe. You're safe and I've got you" "I'm so relieved you're ok" "Of course I'm ok" "I'm sorry" "You did nothing wrong. As long as you're ok. I didn't hurt you, did I?" "No... no. I'm ok. I'm just so relieved... and I can't stop crying because I'm so relieved your ok" "My silly omega. I could never leave you all alone" "I know... I was going to have everything perfect for you, but Anna cried all night. That's why Hanji left this morning... I didn't mean to fall asleep" "What do you mean? Everything's perfect as it is" Eren shook his head "No, it's not. The apartment... I know how much pride you take in it" "Eren, everything's perfect because you're ok. That's the main thing" "I really wanted to show you I'm ok. That I can look after myself... but Hanji didn't leave. I love you" Levi knew Eren could look after himself. He just loved taking care of him... "I love you too. Once my knot goes down, why don't we take a shower? Then we can clean" "Are you sure you're not angry? They were so angry at me..." Eren must have been referring to his dream again "No, I'm not angry. Never with you" Taking his hand, Levi placed it one Eren's belly, before covering it with his own. Slowly Eren's sniffles faded, as his fiancée fell asleep in his arms. Enjoying Eren's lingering scent, Levi made sure his mate was comfortable as he left him to sleep in his nest. Despite the fact he was now home, he didn't dare take any of the washing from the nest. Eren had everything the way he needed it, and with the state apartment was in, a few dirty clothes and blankets was the least of his problems. Having knotted their fiancée, his alpha had settled from whatever bullshit it'd decided it needed to sprout. His happiness over being reunited with his mate had gotten the best of both of them. Eyeing his apartment in disgust, the whole thing should have been labelled as a fucking biohazard "Titan, come here boy" Titan let out a yowl as he came sprint-waddling from the nursery. Lifting the fat cat up, the tom started purring his head off as he headbutted Levi's face "I hear you had a rough time..." Rubbing Titan's fur, he grimaced "You need a bath too. I don't think I want to know what this sticky shit in your fur is... but first, do you want to go sleep with Eren? We both know how you feel about the vacuum cleaner" Titan continued to purr, drool running from his mouth and flicking as he tried for more pats "Yes, I know. I missed you too, big boy. Thank you for taking care of Eren for me. I'm just sorry you had to be Hanji'd" Kissing Titan's forehead, he carried the tom into Eren's room, placing him down on the bed where Titan flopped down beside Eren, his tailing flicking slightly as he watched Levi leaving. If there could be crumbs or messy hand prints on something, there was. There were traces of where Eren had tried to clean, like the dishes in the dishwasher, but for a week of "house-slash-omega sitting", things really shouldn't have been this bad. First thing first was stripping his and Eren's bed. Hanji's shitty scent had ruined the weeks of accumulating his and Eren's in the room, leaving him with no choice but to open the window, as well as the balcony doors to get some air in. Levi was still cleaning when Eren called for him. Stripping off his plastic gloves, he walked over to Eren's room and let himself in. Laying in the middle of his nest, propped up with his elbows Eren had his legs spread "Mmm... there you are" "Having fun without me, brat?" "No. I woke up and my fiancée was missing. Maybe you've seen him? He's a little on the short side, and kind of looks like a grumpy catfish... likes to leave his omega sleeping all on his own" Walking over, Levi climbed up onto the bed, leaning over to kiss his mate. Snaking an arm up, Eren pulled him close to deepen the kiss. One slow kiss turning to two before the broke apart "I guess you'll do" "Shitty brat. Have a good nap?" "It wasn't awful, until I woke up without you" Echoing Eren's playful tone, he smiled back at his mate "Oh. I'm so sorry. What can I do to make it up to you?" "Wellllll... you could kiss me again" Giving Eren a small peck on his lips, his omega sighed at him "That's not quite what I meant" "Oh, what did you mean?" "Down there..." "Down where?" "I've literally been waiting all week for you to touch me again. Do you really think once is enough?" "Roll onto your side for me" Whining, Eren complied. A pool of slick where he'd been laying. Running his hand over Eren's hip, he slid down the bed "You're so beautiful" Kissing Eren's hip, his omega raised his leg up, so he was basically laying in the recovery position. His abused opening still loose, dribbling slick and cum. Smirking at the sight, he blew lightly across Eren's arse "Levi..." "I'm sorry, I can't help it. You're so gorgeous" Applying his mouth to Eren's entrance, Eren mewed "Fuck... just like that" Eating his lover's arse slowly, Eren rocked back against him. He wasn't used to Eren being asked to be eaten out, but he definitely wasn't complaining. After all. He deserved a sweet treat after spending hours cleaning. Bringing Eren to orgasm, his omega grabbed for him, pulling him up to cuddle him "How was that for a kiss?" "Good... really good. Nearly worth waiting a week for" "I'm pretty sure I was kissing you earlier" "Mmm... there is that... I missed you so much" "Me or my tongue?" "You and your tongue. Is the bathroom clean?" "I've done our room, and the bathroom" "Fresh sheets?" "Yeah. But we're going to have to cover them with your scent again" "Nooo, with ours. What's the point of having a fiancée if I can't smell him?" "I could say the same to him. I bought you something" "Is it you? All I want is you" "Well, I am here. But no. I got you something in Mitras" "You had time? With all the rescuing and surviving Erwin's snoring" "I made time. Anyway, you can go head and use the bathroom. I know you need to pee" "Me? Pee? Never..." "I guess I'll just mop the floors then" "I'm going! I'm going! I don't think you appreciate the effort that goes into getting up" "Let me help you" "How did I survive a whole week without your fussing?" "Very well. You did so good" "I don't know about that" "I do. Come on, I want to give you your gift already" Gift giving was delayed thanks to Eren deciding he wanted to shower, the pouting when Levi didn't join him. There was no point. Not when he still needed to finish cleaning. Waiting for his omega on the sofa, Eren came padding out in a shirt and underwear "You have no idea how good it is to shower without a crazy woman yelling out every five seconds" "Actually, I do. Right, come sit down and close your eyes" Coming to sit next to him? Eren scrunched his face up "If the wind changes, your face will stay like that" "It's not my fault. You didn't have to bring me back presents" "Exactly. I didn't have to, but I wanted to" Retrieving the box beside him, Levi popped it open, taking out the ring on the chain inside "Lower your head for me" Slipping the chain into place, he struggled with the parrot clip, before finally getting it to clip. Sitting back, he nodded to himself "You can open your eyes now" Eren's hand went up to his chest, the gold ring and gold chain looked great on his omega's neck "You got me a ring? I proposed to you" "I know... and one day, I'm going to propose right back all over again. This ring is my promise. I know your fingers are swollen at the moment, so I go..." Eren flung himself onto him "Thank you! But... why?" "I kind of just saw the ring and thought of you" "But you're my fiancée, I proposed to you! I should have got you ring" "I'm not complaining. I just thought we were keeping it a secret a little longer. My secret fiancée" "Fuck, it's like when you call me your mate. Your sending me into a meltdown" "You're going to have to wait until the baby shower for your next gift" "You didn't have too... you can't keep spending your money like this" "It's fine" "It's not fine. I'm banning you from spending more money me until next year" "I'd like to see you try" "Well, Hanji does owe me..." "Like if ever let her near my finances. Besides, there's still Christmas" "I don't need anything. I have you, and our pup, and Titan. And as long as I have you, i don't have to live in fear" They both knew that wasn't strictly true. They had no idea about the kind of fallout from Grisha's death, or the destruction of the omega breeding facility... but if Eren felt like that, that was huge progress. And it had been months... Was it too much to hope they'd just forget Eren existed? And that Eren would one day forget them? "I'm gonna go look at it... thank you" Kissing him, Eren scrambled back off the sofa, heading back into the bathroom. The ring was a simple gold band, with a small green gem. He had Eren's engagement ring after all. This one was just so Eren knew he was his. * After a late night scrubbing the apartment spotless, followed by a night of napping and reconfirming their love with Levi in his lap, the last thing Eren expected was for Levi to pull over to the side of the road, then tell him he was driving. He had no idea how to fucking drive! He'd even kind of forgotten he'd even got his learners permit in the first place. Why Levi would suddenly spring this on him, he had no idea. Sitting behind the driver's wheel of Levi massive car, he had to struggle to find the seat adjuster. Levi's legs were sooo much shorter than his. He didn't know how Erwin fitted. But then again, Erwin wasn't 7 months pregnant. Sitting there, he looked at Levi "Now what?" "Do you know which pedal is which?" "Not really. First time behind the wheel here" "I wouldn't say that... I remember two instances that say otherwise" Levi wasn't helping his anxieties. He had no idea how Hanji had put together the baby shower, or who the hell was coming. Glaring, his alpha sighed "Accelerator. Brake. And clutch is the closet. You use the clutch to change gears when the revs are up between 2 and 3" 2 and 3 what? Couldn't this wait until after he'd given birth?! When he had the patience to learn this?! "Alright, we're going to start the car... Eren, you need to stop staring at me and turn the key" Turning the key, the engine whined at him "Oh. Right. Put one foot on the clutch, and one on the break..." If Eren didn't have a bad feeling about this before, it all went plummeting down with that comment. Eren decided he would be happy to never drive again as he slowly limped Levi's car into Hanji's driveway. Ripping the handbrake up, Levi growled at him, and again as he stalled. The moment he climbed out, he snatched up the keys and flung the across the yard with a scream "What the fuck!" "Don't what the fuck, me! I am never fucking driving again!" "Don't be overdramatic!" "I'm being overdramatic?! Who's the one didn't even bother to fucking tell me how to brake properly!?" "That was one time!" "I fucking stalled, and you fucking laughed!" "It's not my fault! You looked so confused!" "Because you said you'd teach me to drive and then didn't tell me anything! Get fucked!" Marching towards the house, Eren was fuming "Eren..." "No! Get fucked, Levi! Take your shitty fucking knot and shove it up your fucking arse!" Jogging over, Levi found up his keys "Brat..." Ignoring his... Ignoring Levi, Eren let himself in. Levi following up the stairs in time for the door to slam in his face. Rushing over from the kitchen area, Hanji was all smiles "Eren! You're here. Where's Levi?" Opening the door, Levi let himself in "Eren, look..." "No. Fuck off. I don't want to look at your and constipated face!" Stepping onto the first stair, Levi wouldn't let it drop "Where are you going?" "To the bathroom, to take a fucking piss. Or do you want to come laugh at me over that too!?" Hanji laughed "Oh no! Trouble in paradise?" "I decided it was time he started learning how to drive" "And Levi can stick it up his arse and rotate!" "That good..." Storming up the stairs, the best he could, he hoped his mood would bring an end to this conversation. It was his first time ever driving. He didn't know what he was doing, and instead of explaining, Levi first laughed. Then got progressively madder, then laughed when he'd fucking stalled again. He was trying his hardest. Having peed, Eren was now sobbing in Hanji's bathroom over being mean to Levi. It wasn't his alpha's fault he was too stupid to get it. With a light knock, Hanji let herself in "Hey, honey... wanna talk about it?" "I yelled at Levi" Hanji smiled, walking over to him and wrapping her arms around him "It's fine. Levi's more worried about you taking so long up here" Great he was making Levi wait on him. Hiccuping, he wiped at his face "I don't know what to say" "You know, you can't talk to him if you're up here" "I got so mad at him" "Then tell me about it" "No. I think I'd rather forget it ever happened" "Sweetheart, its ok. Learning to drive is rough" "Did your teacher laugh at you, and not tell you how to do things? When you're this fat and ugly?!" "You're not fat and you're not ugly. And Levi... he's not great at teaching things" "He taught me I never want to drive again" "Do you want me to teach you? It's quieter out here than in the city" Eren shook his head. Fuck no. No driving. Ever "I don't ever want to drive again" "I'm sure with a bit of time..." "Hanji. I said no. I don't want to. I can't. Ok. I can't" Running for his life was less scary than learning to drive and yelling at Levi. Especially yelling at Levi. His poor alpha was trying... he was just so much work... "Alright. Here, why don't we clean your face up? People are starting to arrive... We can put your hair up? Yeah?" He didn't want to go downstairs. First of all, he was still recovering from coming up them. He didn't want everyone looking at him... and what did say to Levi? Sorry? How was one little word supposed to fix that? He'd yelled at him! Where anyone could be watching or listening! And now... he had to go back downstairs and apologise in front of everyone. Levi probably didn't really want to talk to him. He'd been so mean... he'd been bad. First he hadn't kept the apartment clean. Now he was yelling at Levi when he was just trying to help. Clutching at the ring his fiancée has gifted him, he couldn't breathe. He'd hurt Levi. He'd been bad "Hey, shh... honey, it's ok. It's ok. You're ok... Levi isn't mad. He's not mad at you. He's just worried. Why don't I go get him? Maybe that would be better? You two can talk? See that he's not mad..." Hanji must have texted Levi rather than leaving him. Letting himself into the bathroom, his fiancée rushed over to him "He thinks you're mad at him for earlier" "Thanks Shitty Glasses, but I already figured that much out. Give us a moment" "Ok. Eren, I'm going to be right outside. If you need me to hit him, you just let me know" He didn't want anyone hitting Levi. Kissing the top of his head, Hanji made space so Levi could squat down in front of him "I'm sorry about before. I should have been more patient. You did really well" "Y-you laughed... I'm s-sorry I'm too stupid" "Brat, you're not stupid. It's just been a long time since I taught anyone to drive. Hell. The first time I did, I was teaching Isabel and she drove into a police car. Luckily no one was in it, so we just drove off... but still. I didn't think about how stressful it would be for you. First having me gone, and then having Hanji and Anna. I just wanted to give you a little more independence" "I'm sorry for yelling at you!" Levi laughed "You're yelling right now" "Because I was bad..." Levi let out a long breath, punching the bridge of his nose "No. You weren't bad. You kept it together and didn't yell at me until we were out of the car me" "I had no idea what I was doing and I'm stupid!" "You're not stupid" "I couldn't drive!" "It was your first lesson" Levi sat, taking his hands in his "Besides, if you were stupid, I wouldn't have signed you up for online classes through Shinganshima Training and Further Education" Eren sniffled, panting stupidly from the lack of air in his lungs. His stomach hurt from his pathetic sobbing "Y-you what?" "I told you I had a second present for you" Eren shook his head "I don't know what you mean" "You've been working so hard since I met you to educate yourself. It makes so fucking proud. Every time I see you with your books, it makes me all that much prouder. They offer a course online that's like doing high school" "But... I can't do that" "The only person who thinks you can't, is you. It's all online. You don't even need to go in to see them. You just email everything" "I can't email. I can't use a computer" "You can use your phone and we can work on it together. Once the pup comes, I'll be on leave for a while. So we can work through it all together" Eren shook his head "I'm not smart enough" "You are. You're so smart. And you're curious. And I know can do this" "I only went to school until I was 10" "Yeah. And how much have you learned in this last year?" "I don't know" "You've learned a lot. You worked and worked at those books until you understood and when you didn't, you asked me. And we worked it out together" "I..." "You're going to put yourself down again, and I'm not having it. You're my omega. My mate. My fiancée. And I promise you that you can do this, and I'm going to be there to help. Besides, I've already ordered all your books" "I told you not to spend more money" "I'd already organised all of this. They're going to send a letter out with all your course details and online log in. We can just use my email for now, or I can make you your own" "I'd have to ask you about it anyway" "Ok... I'm really sorry for yelling..." "I deserved it. I love you" "I love you too... fuck... I don't want to go downstairs" "It's alright. Mike and Erwin are making flirty eyes at each other. You're not missing much" "Mike and Erwin?" "They sleep together and then man whore Erwin sleeps with someone else, because he's too chicken shit to be with Mike" "I didn't know that" "That's because they don't talk about it. I think Erwin moving in here was to force Mike's hand, but like I said. I don't know. I don't want to think about them boning" Eren scrunched up his face "If I wasn't feeling sick before, I am now" "You feel sick?" "Heartburn, and gross from crying" "I'm sorry. I promised I wouldn't make you cry" "It's ok..." "It's really not. Do you want me to help clean you up?" "H-Hanji said she would" "Hanji can go jump. You're my mate. No one but me, gets to touch you" "I probably look horrible" "Just a little" Kicking Levi in the knee, his alpha sighed "Really?" "Mhmm..." "Alright. Are you ready to get up?" "I need a few seconds. Go wait with Hanji, I'll come out when I'm ready" "Do I have to?" "Play nicely with the other children" "Buuuuut, Eren..." "Buuuut, nothing. If I have to be nice, you have to be nice too" "Fine. I'll go wait" "I..." "Don't apologise again. I know you were going to" "Sometimes I feel like you know me too well" "You are my fiancée... and my mate and carrying our pup..." "Ok. I get it. Just let me freshen up, and I'll be right out" "Don't rush. You scared me enough going up the stairs. I want to be there when you're walking back down" Eren groaned. Fucking stairs. He never wanted to see another stair as long as he lived. Even his ankle throbbed in agreement. * "Levi!" With a whispered squeal, Levi had barely closed the bathroom door behind Hanji was hugging him and doing some kind of weird jumping as she did "Why didn't you tell me!" Levi sighed heavily, fighting to push Hanji off him "Tell you what?" "That ring..." "What about it?" "You proposed, didn't you?" "No. I didn't propose" That was true. Eren had... "What?! No... I was so sure! Don't tell me you brought him a ring without proposing?!" "It's a promise. Between Eren and I" "A promise to marry him?" "I'm already fucking bonded to him. And once the pup is born, and he can enjoy it all properly, then and only then, I'll propose" Hanji's creepy smile only got bigger "Mhmm... you're not one to gift jewellery" "I have before. Or didn't you notice Eren's charm bracelet" "Oh come on!! Hurry up and propose! I'm going to plan him the best bachelorette party every" "He's a guy" "So?" "Then it's a bachelors party" "Trust me. I know how to throw a great bachelorette party. Like the one where I got you the omega of your dreams" "Fuck off. Eren chose me all his own" "You're just salty knowing that I was right..." "I'm not salty. You're just irritating" "I think you mean "I'm wonderful"" "You're crazy" "But the best kind of crazy. A crazy friend who cares. What's he doing?" "Rinsing his face. He wanted a minute alone" "He was pretty upset over yelling at you" "That's because he's been stressed out for the last week, then we stayed up last night" "Oooooh-f. What was that for?" Elbowing Hanji in the gut cut off her annoying "ooohing" "We were fucking cleaning. How the fuck did you manage to get the apartment so fucking messy?" "Well. There was Anna and Eren, and Eren..." "You don't get to pin this one on him" "I'm just saying..." "Nope. And make sure you don't let anyone get too close to him. His nerve are fucking shot" "I know, I know. Did you see Mike's gift?" "I told him to get Eren something fluffy, but I wasn't expecting that" "It's adorable" Shuffling out the bathroom, Eren's eyes were still red, but his breathing was better, as was his complexion "Sorry" Hanji smiled at Eren, reaching out her hand towards him "It's ok, sweetheart. If you need a break or whatever from everyone, you just let me know" "Thanks. But I don't think Levi will let me out of his sight" "Damn right. How do you feel?" "Not great... but this party is for all three of us. Sorry, Hanji. I stole some panadol from your bathroom" "That's fine, honey. You probably need it after all that crying. I don't think things are going to get that loud or out control, but if they do..." "Let you know. I get it. Please tell me they're not all going to yell when we come downstairs?" "I cannot confirm or deny that there may be a pre-organised congratulations" Eren groaned, ignoring Hanji's hand to come to his "Now, now. We're all really happy for the both of you. After everything, you both deserve all the happiness in the world" "I think we're pretty happy, even without being yelled at" "Just let us celebrate! I've already expressed, and I'm dying for tequila" Levi snorted, hugging Eren close. His scent was still panicked, but it was gradually calming "Finally. The truth comes it" "Can you blame me? 10 months without a drink!" Eren mumbled from his shoulder "We should get her that tequila then" "Only if you're sure you're going to be ok" "As long as you stay close..." Stepping off the last stair, Levi watched in horror. It was like an accident, when people crowded around to pry without thinking about the consequences. The moment they stepped off the stairs, everyone turned to them, practically yelling congratulations. What they failed to consider was that party poppers might not be the best idea for an already anxious omega. The moment the simultaneous popping started, Eren screamed "dad" and dropped like a dead weight. Fainting so fast he and Hanji barely caught him. Staring at their group of friends, all of them seemed confused, like Eren had no good reason for fucking fainting. Levi growled, using his knee to balance Eren and lift him into his hold "What the fuck do you think you're all fucking doing?! Didn't you think! He watched his dad shoot his mum, his brother killed in front of him , then finally his dad was killed so he could escape! He just had about had a fucking panic attack upstairs!" His angry outburst was met with silence from the group. In his arms, Eren groaned "Sorry, brat" "D-dad?" "It's Levi" "Dad... I'm sorry..." It broke part of Levi's heart to hear Eren trying to apologise to his dad. His dad was fucking dick, and if he hadn't pushed his mate so hard, Eren would now be enjoying his party. Making space for him, Eld and Gunther climbed off the sofa. Carrying Eren over, it was now that he noticed Armin and Mikasa had been invited. How the fuck had Hanji even managed that?! The pair looked hurt and confused, while Levi's words finally hit him. He'd just spilled Eren's secrets... shit. Sitting down, he kept Eren in his lap "Levi, is he ok?" "Yeah, Erwin. He's coming 'round already. He's going to be embarrassed by all this" "Can I get you anything?" "A bottle of water for him, and I think I need a fucking beer after that" Everyone was still staring. Hanji stepping forward and clapping her hands like a teacher trying to get her classes attention "Alright. Give them a minute, everyone go back to talking. Nothing to see here" Mikasa and Armin were the first to dissolve into a whispered conversation, while Mina started crying in Marco's lap. Jean lifting the little girl and tickling her. He might be a horsefaced arse, but the way his face lit up, he was an amazingly ok father. Slowly around them, their friend group started moving again. Erwin retrieved a glass of water for Eren, and his beer, while his omega sighed against him "Eren?" "What happened?" "You decided you were going to faint" "That explains why I'm not standing up anymore" "Yeah. As impressive as it was, I wouldn't recommend trying it again" "I'm sorry..." "It's fine. I yelled at everyone" Eren sighed at him "You can't keep yelling at everyone" "Watch me"

Never Settle.

***HEY! So, for the purpose of avoiding the saying “my husband,” we are renaming him, “Roy.” I realize that things can get confusing if you dont say people’s names when talking about important things. I’d rather not share his real name because sometimes saying it makes me uncomfortable...***

“I shouldn’t have gotten married.”

Thats what I tell myself almost every single day, and I know I shouldn’t keep reminding myself, but I do. Most days I feel like I deserve all the worst things in life because I don’t want to be with the guy I got married to. You see, when I met him- he had all these red flags and I chose to ignore them all. He never defended me when it came to a lot, still doesn’t. My feelings were always irrelevant, he made (and still makes) me second guess my gut feelings, my advice means nothing to him, my opinions on serious things are ignored, and my hobbies bother him. I just feel like being with someone who makes you question who you are deep down, is not okay; and i’ve always been so scared to leave. I’ve always been so scared to do something about my feelings. 

But why? Why did I marry him?

Simply put, because I felt like I HAD to. It was something I felt like I had to do. Living life was something I was always taught was to be scripted. 

Meet someone Date Get engaged Get Married Have Kids Continue living until death Except, we had my daughter before we got engaged. Which, whatever- there really is NO set way of living your life, but regardless, I still felt like there was. I felt like, well since this is the guy I had a kid with- I’ll be with him forever. There was no such thing as really enjoying myself. There was no such thing as going out with friends and having a few drinks, no going out to dance or having fun. I always told myself I didn’t need things like that. “I don’t need to go out with friends. I dont need to drink or party, or enjoy my life as a young adult. I have a man, and a kid... I’m living what is supposed to be called LIFE.”

I wanted a kid. Yeah, I did. My daughter is the most amazing gift I have been given. She’s taught me so much in such a small amount of time and I’m proud of her and myself. She’s 4, and she is the cutest little girl. My reasoning for wanting a baby, well.. I’m not proud of it. My reasoning for wanting to have her is selfish, I guess. I wanted a baby because I felt like I needed someone who was a part of me to love me. I wanted someone to call MINE, so if Roy left me, I would have that someone. If Roy had a baby with me, maybe he would love me more because that baby was a part of me too. I would have someone else, someone MORE special to love and care for. Roy was never good at expressing his love for me. When other children are involved in the situation, it’s always hard- I understand this. When it came to how I felt vs how his kids felt- my feelings may as well have been shit on the ground. Nothing I said or felt meant anything compared to his kids’s thoughts and emotions. ***ANECDOTE*** For the purpose of getting myself completely off track, I will shorten this story by a LOT. I was hanging out with Roy, and his daughter happened to come home (she wasn’t supposed to be there al night). Instead of letting his daughter know that I would be hanging out there and chilling with him, he HID ME IN HIS BEDROOM AND HIS DAUGHTER MADE HIM TAKE ME HOME. ***END ANECDOTE***

I cried, because that was the first time I really felt like I didn’t mean anything to him. That should have been when I broke up to him, but... luckily for me- I knew how to take a mental beating. I woke up the next morning to threatening texts from Roy’s ex wife. Which- he STILL didn’t come to my defense to. His response? “Just ignore her and she’ll stop.” If I tell him how much those couple of days really messed me up, and how it bothers me even still that he didnt defend me, he tells me: “What do you mean I didnt defend you?? I told you to ignore her and she’d stop! She stopped, didnt she??”

Yeah, Roy. She stopped. But my self worth dropped way down that day. That was the day she made fun of me for shopping at Hot Topic and for liking things like Hello Kitty and Sailor Moon. That was the day I threw almost half my wardrobe out because I wasn’t good enough for him.  Ever since then, my anxiety when his daughter and ex are brought up skyrockets. Even 6 years after the fact. No one has apologized to me, no one has acknowledged it. I’m supposed to be a robot when it comes to my emotions in this relationship, and it’s been that way since we started dating. I could’t see it then.. because the life I was living was shitty with my dad. So anything else? Any other life, AWAY from my dad’s household? Seemed better. I was wrong. When you meet someone, its true what they say- You don’t know what that person is like until (1) You move in with them and (2) You see them angry. When my dad moved to NC I cried almost every single night. Roy would bring his daughter over and I would lock myself in his bedroom and cry. He would never check on me, he would never care to ask if I was alright. I would just cry. -And it all resurfaces more than I like for it to. If I bring it up, Roy just gets upset and tells me that it was so long ago, and asks when I’ll let it go.

I just want happiness, y’know? I know being on my own is a good thing. Being single is a good idea and its not that I feel like I need another man to take care of me. It isnt the sense of having that. Having someone to be with me. It’s more.... having someone love me. Having someone be proud that they have me and showing me off. Geeking out with someone who geeks over the same things as me. DOING THINGS with someone. Going on dates. Going out. Having fun. LOVING ONE ANOTHER. EXPRESSING FEELINGS. THOUGHTS. EMOTIONS. I’m sick and tired of men waiting until I get the guts to leave them, for them to ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN want to express how much they “love and care” for me. It’s plain and simple. DON’T FUCKING MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSE ME. 

Look, I know it starts with myself. I know that in order to love someone else, I have to love myself first. Im starting to. I can honestly say that for the first time in my whole life, I’m starting to love myself and It wasn’t until I decided I wanted to leave Roy, that I started loving myself. I started appreciating myself. I started telling myself that I MATTER. What I like doing, my hobbies, my friends, my likes and dislikes, my feelings, my style- ALL MATTER. I can’t make everyone happy. That’s impossible. I can’t stay in a relationship to make HIM happy. My brain, and my heart can’t keep undergoing these beatings. I’ve been dealing with it for 6 long years. Having a baby didnt fix it. Getting engaged didn’t fix it. Getting married didn’t fix it. Moving to a new house didn’t fix it. NOTHING is going to fix it, except getting a car, finding a place to live, packing my shit (which most of it wasnt even unpacked to begin with when we moved to the new house this summer), and leaving this place. To live a life where my daughter is able to see me happy. Where she’s able to see me smile genuinely, rather than forced. A life I can be PROUD of. Where I do it for me and my daughter and NO ONE ELSE.

I want to be able to say “I love my life” and I want to mean it. 

Until next time~ Yellz

07/26/2018 HELP 

Hello, fellow followers and other valued individuals who may be reading this. I dislike stooping to ask for help, but I'm currently at a loss. I'll be real with you and try to keep it brief. About a year ago, as you see in this instagram post I hit an extremely low point. I was losing everything. My family had broken apart. I lost my step-father, the one man who finally gave me a father after being abandoned by my biological one very young... and no, he didn't pass away.

The person I trusted with everything, my secrets, my fears, my hopes, and dreams... cheated on my mother after ten years and had been actively cheating on her for several months prior to when my mother found out. My best friend of nine years and our other mutuals abandoned me. They couldn't deal with my disorders anymore (psychotic depression, generalized anxiety disorder). My boyfriend at the time had been supportive as possible, but I knew deep in my heart that my depression was consuming me. I didn't like who I became when depressed... how could I put him through that side of me? I couldn't imagine a life without my family together. It shattered me and the only joy I had left was my daycare job. Even that was hard to hold onto, considering I worked a second job where employees, including myself, were sexually harassed.

August 6th, 2017 my mother and three younger siblings packed up to leave. A friend of my mother's and their family was allowing us to live with them while my mother worked her ass off earning money so we could move out and get away from what toxic environment our home had become. I stayed home and told them I'd make the drive later on my own. I didn't bother making up any excuses and they didn't push me to follow. Part of me was waiting for my stepdad to come back because I knew he would be showing up eventually... well, I was hiding in my room, waiting for him when I heard the door open. I heard him open the front door, then go into his bedroom and leave again. I wanted to call out and beg him to fix what he had done. I wanted him to confess all the wrongful doings he had done by cheating on my mother who loved him so unconditionally. I also wanted to scream at him for ruining what family I finally had in my heart. But, I didn't do any of that. I went out there and he offered to talk. I told him I didn't have anything to say. He left and I assumed he wouldn't come back. I wish he would have stayed and acknowledged the pain in my eyes.

That's when I lost myself. I realized I was home alone, I had alcohol, energy drinks, and my three prescriptions in the kitchen. I went into the bathroom and brought all of that, a hello kitty blanket, notebook, pen, and shut the door. I sat down and started to take the pills, counting as I swallowed them. I took twenty-five antidepressants including 25mg lamictal, 150mg wellbutrin, and 150mg of sertraline. I don't remember how many I took of each, but those were the dosages for each individual pill. As I took the pills, I tried to create a goodbye on the paper. I couldn't focus and my hands were so shaky. I tried to write how sorry I was and how I loved everyone. I ended up getting frustrated and scribbled all over the page. That's when it really set in. I was fucked. I was going to do severe damage to my kidneys or actually die if I stayed there. My mom and siblings were out of town by then. My stepdad was god knows where. I was alone and I was going to die. I didn't want to call an ambulance. I would be alone with strangers, then. So I walked outside, sat on the porch steps and started calling my stepdad. He didn't pick up. I tried over and over and he didn't pick up. I texted him what you see below. He almost hadn't come... which still scares me to think about what would have happened if he hadn't come.

I walked up to the car when he pulled up and got inside. I sat there and stared at the seat with my blanket wrapped around me. I then mumbled for him to take me to the hospital. Through the corner of my eye, I could see he was confused and I felt like he was angry at me... he asked me why and I told him what I had done. He said my name. I felt hopeless. He took me to the hospital and they made me change into a gown while a lady with glasses watched. They took my belongings and the lady laid me down on the bed. She started asking me why I did what I did and what I had done while my stepdad sat in a chair and watched them hook me up to different machines. Everything was so fuzzy to me. I felt like I was in between being alive and dead. My mother was called and she sped over an hour of distance to be by my side. She sat next to my stepdad and maybe this is twisted... but part of me hoped my failed attempt would bring them back together. At least, if I couldn't die... maybe my stepdad would realize how terrible of a decision he had made and would fix his mistake... but that didn't happen. He stayed in the room while they made me drink activated charcoal. Never fucking again... let me tell you. I've never tasted something so foul. Eventually, it made me throw up. The doctors told me I needed to throw up several times before they could do tests on me. Once I had thrown up many times, I fell asleep on and off in that room. When I woke up again, I was told I'd be going in a different hospital room. They moved me and explained I would stay overnight to be monitored. A guy was assigned to monitor me. I felt so uneasy. I couldn't sleep with him constantly staring at me. I  wanted to disappear and every time I tried to pretend he wasn't there my heart rate would rise which only attracted more attention. I was stuck... and at one point, my stepdad and mom weren't in the room. I overheard that they were arguing in the parking lot... my mom came back into the room and confirmed that my stepdad had left to go talk to his girlfriend (who he had cheated on my mom with). My mom was fighting for him to get back in the room... she knew how much it meant to me for him to be there and he ... just... abandoned me for some whore. No different than what my biological father had done to my sister and me as kids.

I am twenty now. A year has nearly passed since that day. I am doing better than I ever imagined I would be. I teach toddlers at a local daycare. I have my first in-person lesbian relationship with someone who really clicks with me. My mom has a new boyfriend who treats her like a literal queen. He even took in my dog since I'm not able to pay the pet fee in our trailer. I am happy with my job and my new girlfriend. My biggest concern is money. While I love my job, I am not paid the best. I drive a 2002 Volkswagen Jetta that I have spent well over 1,000 dollars in repairs since March of 2017. I really need to save for a new vehicle and due to my suicide attempt, am trying to pay off hospital bills. I currently owe $1,571.83. It was over 2,000 dollars but I have been paying when I can to pay it off. I also have to pay for college. I cannot sign up for classes until I pay a 278 dollar fee because I dropped Summer classes due to stress. I could really use the help. On top of that, I pay for other bills and my car is unreliable...

Anything helps and if you are unable to donate and managed to read this far... please take this experience of mine as a reminder. Your life is never worth taking. You should embrace your life. No matter how gloomy things look now, you never know when you'll get a positive plot twist. You ARE capable of living a great life. I believe in every single one of you. My inbox here is always open as well or you may dm me at come_aliv3 on instagram. <3

Link to Paypal.me: paypal.me/SydneySutton

Kitty Kompanion Ch 8

Angela had you start right away. You agreed, clearly needing the distraction. You dragged your fat, pregnant self out of bed in the morning to head to the medbay. You were grumpy, but things would be probably better once you got started.

"Just keep me stocked," Angela told you after you settled your weight in your desk chair. "Stocked with coffee."

Your new job turned out to be more interesting than Angela previously told you. At first, you sorted out the appointment schedule. That was normal enough, and you could rest your feet at your desk. Then a haggard McCree walked past your desk, asking for some coffee. Begged for coffee. Just take it to him during his appointment. He didn't care.

You walked in on he and Angela having a staring contest over his smoking habit.

"Yer not gonna win this time, Angie."

"I will win."

You had an idea. You blushed, feeling this was out of character for you. But Angela might appreciate the help.

You walked over to place Angela's mug at the sink behind her. You leaned down to place it just so.

Leaned a little further.

A little more.

You squeezed your forearms together.

Your pregnancy-enhanced cleavage was staring at Jesse from across the room.

You wiggled.

He glanced at you, and Angela jumped in victory.

"Ha! Take that!" she exclaimed, pointing at him. Then she held out her hand to receive his latest pack of cigarillos.

He muttered angrily to himself and left.

"Nice job," Angela told you, impressed.

You grinned, happy to be of help.

"So, who's next?"

"Reinhardt. He's a tough one."

"Tougher than that?" you asked, referring to McCree.

You were about to learn what that meant. Reinhardt strode in proudly, proclaiming his great health.

"Strong as an ox!" And "No, she can stay. See what a real man is like!" with a wink at you.

You raised your eyebrows at that and settled onto a stool in the corner with some decaf.

Within a minute, Reinhardt was whimpering and begging the good doctor not to give him a vaccination. He scooted away and cowered when presented with the needle.

"You are going to an area infected with malaria! You have to get this or you're not going!"

Reinhardt bawled loudly next. Seemed fake to you. Angela waved you over. You dragged the stool with you and sat next to the trembling man on the exam table.

"Hold him down."

You shot her an are you kidding me frown. She nodded, Go on.

You put your palm flat against his chest, expecting him to throw your hand off.

"Damen, bitte!" he exclaimed.

"Nein," the doctor growled.

Reinhardt cried quieter under the weight of your hand but did not move. The doctor pulled up his sleeve and inserted the needle into his upper arm.

"Why would you do this to me," he begged.

"All done," she said, removing the needle and patting his arm.

"That's it?!" he gasped.

"Yup."

Reinhardt sprang up from between the both of you, back to standing like his usual, proud self.

"See? Nothing to it!" he told you.

You don't know what just happened, but Angela thanked you after. So you must have helped. You told Genji about your success at work that night over a video call on a secure channel just like he said you could.

"I can't tell you the details, because that'd be unprofessional. But it is hilarious."

"I'm glad you are doing better."

"I am!" You beamed.

"It is really hard to be away. And-and I can't make love to you...? Do you know how hard...? How hard I am right now?" He pouted at you with his lower lip stuck out and his thick eyebrows tilted sadly.

"Isn't that distracting? Why don't do you do something about it?"

That got Genji's attention. Sent his heart speeding, pumping more blood south. He took a deep breath, then said, "I have an idea."

Genji ordered you a bullet vibrator. He said you should entertain yourself with it as you pleased, and he would send you naughty pictures. You agreed.

"Okay, but you better send those pictures. This is an equal deal."

"Of course," Genji promised with a purr. "I can't wait."

The look in his dark eyes is reminiscent of when you first told him you were pregnant. He left, and this time the sting of his absence was tempered with excitement. You hung up and lay back, considering what might happen next.

Genji sent you a good morning text the next morning before work, indirectly reminding you about your deal. Excitement prickled up your arms. The image of Genji stuffing himself in a random corner mid-mission to jerk off in a desperate huff as a poor substitute for making love to you came unbidden to your mind. You inserted the vibrator before heading to work. Because honestly, you missed making love to Genji as much as he did. You needed the substitute as much as he did.

You enjoyed the dull buzz between your legs as you brewed coffee and organized the doctor's schedule.

The first orgasm hit mid-conversation with Angela. Your phone buzzed, a message from Genji. Maybe the dick pic you wanted. Only a gentle push mentally, that sent you over the edge.

"Oh. Oh, fuck," you groaned suddenly, swaying in your desk chair.

"What? Something wrong?"

"I just, umm, peed myself a little."

"That's odd. You never mentioned this problem before."

"Yeah, it's new. Mind if I just go clean up really quick?"

"Sure. Come right back. Coffee's running low."

You hurried to the bathroom. You washed the vibrator as best you could and tucked it back in. This secret little arrangement with Genji was proving to liven up your work day. The first picture was Genji's crotch with his modesty plate missing and the outline of a semi-erection tucking upwards behind the black fabric. You set the toy to low again and went back to work, waiting for more pictures.

The next picture had Genji's dick hanging out of the black fabric. The one after was from behind, showcasing his shapely ass. He held his dick down between his legs so you could see everything in one frame. You went weak, melting over in your chair onto the desk.

"Jesus Christ, Genji. How are you so good at this?" you whispered to yourself.

It turned out to be a bad combination with the current size of your bladder. It seemed to tickle your bladder through your walls, leading you to squirm in your chair and being hit with weak orgasm after weak orgasm until you ran awkwardly to the bathroom again, holding your breasts in place to keep them from swinging.

It totally killed the mood and your energy level.

Angela caught you sleeping at your desk at the time you normally took your nap. You apologized, but she sent you to bed to rest. You did get in bed, but you stayed awake to message your baby daddy.

I think I have to end our deal. I had fun, but having to pee ruined it, you sent him.

:( That is saddening news. However :) I have something that might cheer you up. ;P

Your phone lit up with a video call from him, and you answered right away.

"Hello," he said, sounding a bit distant from the call.

You smiled, happy to see the light shining in his green visor, but wishing he was there for you to reach out to and take his hand.

You wiggled your fingers in a wave. Genji waved back.

"I have something to show you..."

His hand dipped down, and he produced a small object; the same remote as the one Genji gave you.

"Oh, really?" you said, smiling and sitting up.

What a pleasant surprise. Genji looked away, concentrating on working out the plate protecting his nethers and pushed aside the black fabric on top. His chest fell with the sigh of relief from being free, and he flipped the camera around.

"It has been like that all day," he whined.

"Then take care of it. Let's see."

Genji ran his hand up his reddish, stiff erection and give the head a quick squeeze.

"Alright, but I have to be quick. They are waiting for me."

You slipped some fingers in your mouth in lieu of his cock.

"See this?" He lightly pinched the slight bulge the base of his length. "I was thinking about you, and my knot grew."

Genji tugged on his foreskin, relaxed his fist and stroked downward, pulling the skin down to show his slick cockhead.

"You know, Honey," you began.

He looked up from his dick to lock eyes with you.

"If the rumours about you are true, then can you put on a show for me?"

Genji laughed.

"They are partially true, but it has been a while since I did that."

He sat up and placed the phone down to show the nondescript safehouse bed he was lying on. He sat back on his heels with his erect cock nestled in the junction between his thigh and his pelvis.

Genji drummed his fingers on his jaw, pondering what to do. He looked around. Then he grabbed the pillow behind him. He put the pillow under his stomach. He fell forward on it, onto his forearms, giving you a view of his body from the side.

Your eyebrows shot up, and you couldn't believe he was about to fuck a pillow for your entertainment. But he arched his lower back, curving his fleshy ass up. Genji rocked his hips into the valley his cock pressed into the pillow. Purposefully and slow at first. Your surprise morphed into delight as Genji inhaled broken gasps, getting off nicely on the friction.

He full-body rocked into the pillow, moaning deeply. His cock was hard and straining. The dark pink head, shiny with precum dragged against the fabric.

He slowed temporarily to taunt you.

"This pillow is no substitute for you, but I can see you can't take your eyes off me."

You blushed and covered your mouth with your hand.

"So cute," he said.

"Hey, you're the one putting on the show here. Don't forget."

"It's good motivation," he assured you.

"You're something else," you said, shaking your head.

"What's something else...is my love for you."

You feel onto your face and groaned.

"Stoooop."

"No," he chuckled breathily, "I'm almost there."

You lifted your head and Genji was facing the camera. Genji jerked himself furiously. His fist was a blur, but he was having trouble finishing.

"It's not the same as your cunt," he growled, biting down on the last word.

"Why don't you just imagine it's me, then? Your hand."

"Okay," Genji panted.

He closed his eyes and went at it harder. His lips grew apart as he neared his climax. You were smug, because normally he was louder while buried inside your clutching heat.

But his cum did shoot up high. He opened his mouth at the last second, and the thick stream landed partially inside his lips. He coughed once, having inhaled some of the thick fluid. Then he laughed at himself.

"I forgot how that tasted." Genji gave you an open-mouthed smile. "I didn't think I could still do that."

You facepalmed, but you admitted it was a good show.

(Just a little Valentine’s day Romy fanfic with accompanying fanart done during my commute today. Happy Valentine’s!

PS: It’s set after the current Rogue & Gambit miniseries. Even if I don’t know what the hell is gonna happen in it XD).

***Valentine’s Day***

She didn't often take time out.

There was always something occupying her, teaching or superheroing or mentoring or shopping or organising or hanging out with friends... Training and sparring and conferring with teammates over strategy, policy, PR and legal issues… And then tied up with that was study, keeping up with case law, preparing the classes she'd taken, marking assignments and doing student benchmarking...

Really. It'd been a long, long time since she'd had some downtime, since she'd found a moment to wind down. Honestly, she was wound up so tight these days, she was beginning to fear she was on the verge of losing it.

"Take some time off," Kitty had said to her. "Go on vacation."

And she'd scoffed and said:

"But I'm needed here."

"Rogue," Kitty had said in that headmistress voice she was becoming so accomplished at using, "you're no good to us on the verge of a mental breakdown. You need some time to relax, to reset yourself. When was the last time you took a holiday?"

She'd stared blankly at the wall. For the life of her she couldn't remember. 

"See?" Kitty had piped up pointedly. "Look. Take a break. Go somewhere nice. Somewhere you can relax. Bermuda. The Seychelles.  I went to Lisbon last summer. It was gorgeous. And everyone speaks awesome English. You'll love it!"

She'd frowned. Somehow she didn't feel she was allowed to relax. How messed up was that?

"I dunno, Kit-Kat..."

"Rogue," came the severe reply, "Go. That's an order."

"Oh yeah? Or what?"

"Or I tell Gambit you need some time off, and get him to book you both on a dirty weekend away."

Well, that had sealed the deal.  She stomped off in a huff, and once she’d got back to her room, she booked herself some holiday.  Three days – not too long, but enough to keep Kitty from making good on her threat.

A few days later and here she was.

Valle Soleada, standing in front of the house Irene had left her.

It was a long time since she'd been here. She'd half considered selling it, or renting it out, but for some reason she never had. Standing here, on this lazy California beach with the sun pounding down on her, she was reminded why. There were few places she'd truly felt at ease, at peace. Some of the happiest moments of her life had taken place here, moments that now seemed so bittersweet. It was that bittersweetness that had made her reluctant to return, that had kept her away so long. But now... She was glad she was back. She felt liberated, free from all the cares and responsibilities that came with all the superheroics that were her business.

She gave a little smile to herself and walked the wooden steps up to the veranda. She felt in the pocket of her denim cut-offs for the keys and unlocked the door. When she stopped inside the vestibule she was surprised at how fresh and inviting everything seemed. She paid a maid to come and take care of the place every week, just to keep it in a liveable condition, with the intention of spending more time here than she actually did. She didn't regret the decision now.

She dumped her bags in the hallway and immediately went straight out the back door and onto the beach. A warm sea breeze hit her, the sound of the waves washing over the shore a glorious soundtrack that she realised she'd missed. How many times had that sound lulled her to sleep at night as she'd lain in the warmth of his embrace?

She half frowned, half smiled. The memories were pleasant yet... irritating. Irritating because they were so damn perfect, and she'd been stupid enough to let perfection go.

Things change, gal, she told herself sternly. But some things didn't, and trying to make sense of the stew left behind was something she'd never been particularly good at.

She gave a sigh and headed back indoors. She was wondering now whether she could brave heading into certain areas of the house, but she figured she was a big girl and if she didn't face this now she never would.

So she picked up her bags and climbed the stairs up to the bedroom, and gently opened the door.

She'd slept in here once since they'd left. She'd taken some time out after the whole Legacy thing, trying to re-orientate herself. After one night she'd moved to one of the guest bedrooms, finding the ghost of his presence a distraction from the purpose of her visit. It hadn't changed much since then. The maid did a great job keeping everything dust and dirt free. A light fragrance filled the air and she realised her housekeeper had left a cute little bowl of pot pourri on the dresser. She laid her bags down on the bed and peered into the closet. Her leathers were still hanging up in there, and she gave a wry grimace. Somehow, it felt like a different person had worn them.

She wasn't sure where his old X-Treme uniform was. She'd definitely seen him wearing the boxing boots once or twice since, but the rest...

She shook her head and closed the closet, moving on.

The curtains were closed and so she went on over and opened them up, throwing the window open too while she was at it. The room was suddenly filled with light and air and the scent of the sea, and she breathed it in with relish.

That was when she heard a sound. Floorboards creaking down the corridor.

Her senses were immediately alert, and she crossed the room back to the door, the adrenaline kicking in, her muscles getting ready for a fight. The footsteps were suddenly right outside the door, and she was just about to yank it open when it swung right open and slammed into the wall with a bang.

She gaped.

In the doorway was Remy LeBeau.

"R-Remy?!" she exclaimed ; and she might've believed this was all just a dream until he cried in exactly the same tone of voice:

"Rogue!"

"I thought you were in intruder!" they both said at the same time, which shut them up for a few seconds.

She glared at him. Standing there in sweatpants and a T-shirt with bleary eyes and a bedhead. It was clear she'd literally just woken him up.

"What are you doing here?" she asked him testily, cross that he'd spoiled her vacation yet again.

"On vacation," he answered in an equally sour tone - he was probably thinking the exact same thing.

"So am I," she huffed. "And this is my house."

"So?" he grumbled. "I got here first. Got everything unpacked and I stocked up the fridge and all. So I ain't goin' nowhere, if that's what you're suggestin'."

She growled. There was no way in hell she was leaving now, not for his benefit.

"Fine," she said. "Just... Just don't ... Get in my way. Okay?"

He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Oh right. I'm the one should be sayin' that to you, chere. You're the one goin' round makin' noise and spoilin' my beauty sleep."

"It ain't my fault you're such a light sleeper!" she groused. "I could drop a pin and you'd hear it! Remember that time when--"

She quickly caught herself mid-sentence. He saw the look and smirked.

"No need t' say it, petite. I know what you're thinkin'."

She blushed. The only things to come out of that little incident had been the discovery that Gambit could not be handcuffed to a bed without being woken up (one accidental little jangle of the chain had had him sitting bolt upright in a flash), and a couple of days worth staggering around because all sorts of unmentionable muscles were unbearably sore.

"Look," she began, chastened out of her bad mood by the memory. "Truth is, I came here to unwind, to have a little space to myself for a couple of days. I was kind of expectin' to be on my own... But I ain't gonna throw you out on your ear, Cajun, and it's nothin' personal. Just... lemme have my own space and we're good. Okay?"

With him, honesty was always pretty much the best policy - ironic, considering the trouble he had with it himself. He put up his hands with an agreeable little smile.

"A'right. I'll keep outta your hair, if that's what you want.  Don't wanna get in the way of your 'me time'."

He backed off slowly, but the smile on his face told her he wasn't being sarcastic. After the turmoil and angst their relationship seemed to have been in recently, it was a welcome relief.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"No problem." He half turned to leave, before adding with a pointed look at her: "Yah need anythin', I'm in the guest room down the hall.  Where Sam used t'stay."

And with that he left.

-oOo-

After that it was useless to have any ‘me time’.  Not because she found his presence off-putting per se, but because she was trying to analyse everything.

She wondered why he was sleeping in Sam’s old room and why he was even here at all. She wondered why seeing him here had rattled her so much and why she’d been so defensive.  Since their time in Paraiso things had been… good between them. The last thing she’d wanted to do was spoil that.

It was just that he had endless ways of catching her unawares, of getting up under her skin without even meaning to.

Truly, she’d come here to be by herself.  But she felt guilty now for insinuating that him being here offended her.  She didn’t want him to think that, because it wasn’t what she felt.  The past few weeks things had changed between them, for the better… And she didn’t want to lose that.  It just felt… weird… not to be slapping away his affection at every corner because of her own fears, her own inadequacies, and really… He hadn’t even offered any affection.  Even if she secretly knew that he was always offering it, with a simple glance or a smile.

Besides, she couldn’t stay cooped up in here like this, not in their old room.  It was only bound to make things worse.

So she sighed and left, headed out and down the corridor to the guest room.  She gave a knock and when she heard his “come in!”, she entered.

She was surprised to see he was packing.

“You’re leavin’?” she asked.

“Yeah.” He didn’t look put out by it, contrary to expectation. “Figured it’d be best.  You’re here for some space, and I’d just get in the way.” He folded up a shirt and put it inside his duffel bag before standing straight and glancing at her. “Don’t look at me like that, chere. I ain’t angry ‘bout it.  Just don’t wanna mess up your vacation.  Or mine, neither.”

That stunned her.

“You think we’d mess up each other’s vacations?” She couldn’t help looking a little hurt at that. “Remy, honestly… You don’t haveta go.  I’m sorry I sounded so… pissed off back there.  I didn’t mean it.”

He regarded her a moment, apparently turning her suggestion over in her head.

“Rogue,” he finally spoke with sincerity. “We can both kid ourselves that you and I are gonna stay in this house and not disturb one another, but seriously.  You and I both know that ain’t gonna happen.”

She chewed on her lip.  After what happened in Paraiso, he was probably right.  The only thing was, she didn’t think she’d mind so much anymore.

“Well, where’re you gonna stay then?” she asked him.

“Oh, Paint and Jack’ll let me sleep on their couch, if I promise to babysit their kids.” He paused and glanced at her. “You remember Paint and Jack, right?”

This time she was really offended.          

“Of course I do!” She pouted. “Yah mean you’re still in touch with them?”

“Well, yeah. I pay ‘em both a visit every time I’m down here.  They always ask after you.  Keep on goin’ on about seein’ you on the TV wit’ your Avenging friends. I tell ‘em you’re doin’ great. Although most of the time, I don’t really know.”

There was a little bit of bitterness in that statement, but in truth she’d barely heard it. Something else he’d said had caught her attention.

“Wait… … You said ‘every time you visit’… … How often do you actually come down here?”

He shrugged, going back to his packing.

“Once every couple of months…  For the same reason you’re here.  To get some time out.  To be alone. To get a little perspective.  To remember.”

The last was lightly delivered, but said a lot more than any of the other stuff. She swallowed a breath.  She was both touched and humbled to hear him admit that he came here often, and that a part of him came to remember what they’d shared here.  She was affected even more so that he’d maintained a life here, kept their old friends and probably hung out at their old haunts.  It made her feel like she’d run away from just another good thing in her life, like she’d thrown away yet another something that could and should have made her happy.

“Okay,” she finally said in a small voice. “Well, I’ll feel better knowing you’ll be stayin’ with friends… I don’t wanna turf ya out…”

“Rogue,” he spoke firmly. “It’s fine.  Don’t worry. Take some time out, relax.  God knows you need it.  Just promise me you won’t do no work, okay?  I jes’ know you brought those kids’ assignments wit’ you.  If you take ‘em out, I’m gonna steal ‘em and hide ‘em somewhere you can’t find ‘em.”

He’d said it to make her laugh, but all she could manage was a faint smile.

“I won’t, Remy.  Promise.”

Her ears were starting to rush and her heart was starting to pound, and it was becoming way too much for her to process, so she left.

-oOo-

She stood at the window of her room, their room, and struggled with herself.

Why had she walked away?  Why couldn’t she be brave enough to open herself up to him and let him in?  Still, after all this time and all the ground they’d recently covered?  

You love him, she told herself helplessly. So go back and tell him.  Tell him you don’t want him to go.

The thought had her trembling, had her stomach in knots.  She squeezed her eyes shut and breathed.  She tried to talk herself into the thing she wanted most in the world. How hard can it be to reach for the thing that you want?

She’d almost psyched herself up to just go and do it when he got there before her.  The door to their room opened softly, and quietly he crossed the floorboards and came up behind her.  There was nothing so sweet or so comforting as the way his arms wrapped round her, the way he held her tight, the way he pressed his face into her hair.

And suddenly it was all bleeding out of her, the tightly coiled knot inside her was unwinding, and she was herself again, even if only for just a moment.

“D’you really want me to go?” he asked her, and she leaned back into him, shook her head.

“No.”

And they stayed just like that for a while, watching the seagulls circling the sky and listening to the lullaby of the sea, just as they’d always done.

“You do know what day today is, chere?” he murmured, brushing his lips in her hair. For a second she was nonplussed, until she remembered.  February 14th.

“Aw, geez,” she muttered humorously. “Fate sure has a way of kickin’ me in the ass.”

“I dunno,” he chuckled. “I think fate brought us here, together, on this very special day, for a reason.” He propped his head on her shoulder. “Y’wanna work out what that reason might be?”

She twisted her head and gave him an arch look.

“Neither of us needs a reason, sugah,” she bantered back. “Except that I love you; and I’m pretty sure you love me.”

“Amen to that, p’tite,” he grinned; and they both laughed lightly before sharing the first of many kisses that night.

-END-