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#I have probably overshared

slothspaghettiwrites · 1 year

Note

Hello, wonderful human being! <3

I recently found your book (well, like a few seconds ago because of the last ask you answered), and I wanted to ask if you get a good share when buying your paperback edition on Amazon? And if not, is there another website where I can buy it? Just wanted to ask first before getting it because I want to support you as best as possible with it! <3

All the love to you <3 and btw, the summary had me hooked within a second 👀

Oh hello! I am so happy liked that summary and are interested in reading my book.

An interesting question! I always push the fact you can read my book on Kindle Unlimited (which is always running a sign up deal if you aren't already signed up) and then ya know if you really like me/my book, you can buy the paperback as a trophy (this is what I do lol).

But some transparency! I'll but this below the cut, but you can see what rates I get from Amazon on each format, and what I made in October as a new author who only promotes their book through crazy tiktoks.

I actually had to look this up because I couldn't remember (and I should probably make a note of this), but let's not focus on my disorganization today.

When you buy my book as an eBook for your kindle, I make £1.58/$1.90 (ignore the 70% I am not enrolled in that option).

When you buy my book as a paperback, I get £2.52/$3.07 (wide just means you can find me on like the B&N website I actually don't know who much or little or whether I get sales from those wide/expanded outlets). But the big thing to point out here is that Amazon has a minimum I must set my books to so the pricing here is less my choice.

If you are like me, you only read on your phone and really only read Kindle Unlimited books because you are cheap trying to support indie/new authors more, but are be sensible with your budget before you buy a paperback for you trophy shelf.

When you read my book on KU cover to cover (400 pages) I make about £1.50. This number a bit of an estimation because I won't really know until the months end what I will make on KU because it is based on page reads.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that if you are on KU, read my book there. Because if you don't like it, you can return in and I still get paid for the pages you do read. Where as, if you buy the eBook or Paperback, decide you don't like it and return it, I get the full retail price taken from my royalties that month, which could mean I have to pay Amazon money.

This is my October Royalties breakdown. You can see I made .99 from print sales (which means I got some wide sales!), and the rest from KU page reads.

#sloth asks #eviesaurusrex #authorashraven #I have probably overshared #but I don't care #this just some straight up honesty #three moons ranch #amazon publishing #kdp #kindle unlimited #self publishing #amazon self publishing #kindle direct publishing

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homunculus-argument · 7 months

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My maternal grandparents weren't perfect people, they made some questionable chocies in raising their children for one, but one thing I will always remember about them is just how much they clearly loved each other. My grandfather was a man of few words, and being the nonstop chatterbox that she was, there really wasn't any other way to get a word in with my grandmother than by interrupting her, but there was one conversation between them that I overheard, that I'm going to remember for the rest of my life.

It was the last christmas I spent with my family. I was sleeping on the couch in the living room because there weren't enough beds for everyone. The door to my grandparents' bedroom was open, and laying awake on the couch, I was eavesdropping on them laying awake and just talking to each other. I can't recall what led them to the subject, but what I can clearly remember was my grandfather saying:

"I remember the first time I decided that it would be you. You were out swimming at the lake with your family, and I remember looking at you and thinking 'that one is mine'. I would still choose you."

They were in their eighties, and had been married for more than 60 years. They had four children and a flock of grandchildren together. Rural finns aren't exactly people of grand romantic gestures, or vocal about expressions of love, and my grandfather was not the kind of a man who would bother with talking much at all - never saying a full sentence if half of one would do. That might easily be the most that that I had ever heard him speak all at once. But those are the words I will always remember.

I would still choose you.

#I know I've probably told this story before #but I have shoddy memory and I was in the mood to overshare #so I'm telling it again

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sketchy-tour · 6 months

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I just wanted to quickly say thank you guys!! Like... LIKE REALLY!!! THANK YALL SO MUCH!!!! The amount of constant love I receive for my work has been overwhelmingly wonderful to experience. I don't even know how to put it all into words. BUT IM GONNA TRY!

FAIR WARNING! I'm about to be really really sappy under the cut. So feel free to ignore that if you wish. But I got a lot of emotions I'm about to try to say.

Hi hello and hi. Um. Well, it's hard to explain how much this has meant to me. How much your kind words have sent waves of joy through my heart. How much every like has made me smile. How every reblog has made me feel a rush of pride. Every person who spammed me with likes when finding my blog, every person who talks in the tags when reblogging me, every person who shows up constantly in my notifs, every mutual who interacts with me even in the smallest of ways, every other artist I interacted with who has been kind to me.

All of it. Every single notif has made me smile in some way and I cannot thank you enough. I was so genuinely shy about sharing Dandy with Tumblr because I began drawing Dandy at a very turbulent time of my life. My WH art and oc had become a place of comfort for my mind and I had wanted to interact with the community for a long while but I'm skittish by nature so it took a LOT of mental prep for me to start posting this stuff here.

And the fact I have so much positivity in my notifs! I really needed that. Truly, I did. I still don't see myself as a big artist by any means, but I know I'm so lucky to have the bit of engagement I do from yall!

I feel like I'm rambling. Needless to say...it means the absolute world to me that the art that brings me joy is given such love by yall. Even if hyperfixations change, even if time marches us all in different directions, I'm thankful to have this. Right now. When I needed it.

#welcome home #welcome home oc #welcome home puppet show #dandy leon #my art #probably gonna schedule this so I don't post it at some ungodly hour again #so if you see this I may be asleep!#me desperately trying not to overshare while also trying desperately to make it clear how warm all this is making my heart and why #but all of this. It means so much to me #so so much #I really expected more people telling me I'm weird. Idk why #I just...did. And I really haven't been treated as such #And it makes me emotional realizing I can be silly and loud about the art that makes me happy #I just want to be happy. I want to see others happy. I want to have fun and be silly and it feels so wonderful to do that #and see yall having fun and being excited with me #I love it #thank you #just thank you

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silverwhittlingknife · 1 year

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I noticed something in a lot of your Dick and Tim fics. It's probably so obvious, but you always write that Tim is watching Dick. In your newest one, Tim's watching Dick, in The Return Tim's watching Dick, and you even write that Tim is always watching him. Is Tim trying to read Dick? Trying to understand? Or does he understand him by watching? What is he trying to figure out by watching Dick? What does that say about Tim? I really hope this is intentional lmao because I would be embarrassed. Maybe this is just something so obvious that I'm just getting now.

YES IT’S ON PURPOSE <333 Anon. Anon. I'm so sorry this answer took forever, but listen, this was a really delightful ask <333 I think about this a lot. I really love origin stories—I like stories that resonate through a character’s history.

And for me, a whole lot of what interests me about Dick and Tim is that theme of watching and being watched. Seeing and being seen.

"Watch me on the trapeze, Tim. I'm going to do my act...'specially for you." | "Timmy, don't look." | "I turned away... I couldn't watch. Then I heard you crying and I turned back... I'm sorry, Dick. I didn't want to hurt you by telling you all this." Dick's watching me. Gauging my reactions. (Tim watching Dick watching Tim!) | "I'm taking off the blindfold." "No!" | "I can't see him. You can't see him. But I know Robin. And Robin's always there when you need him." | I love that kid. Too much to let him see me like this. (But Tim spots him anyway.)

Spotlights and lighthouses and cameras and photographs. Blindness and vision and masks and detective work and trust.

I'm going to try to be coherent about this but it's gonna be incoherent sdfsf BUT I'M GOING TO TRY so. Below the cut, a really long grab-bag of my rambling on vision and watchers and watching.

Tim + watching / Dick + being watched / different dynamics

Tim's origin story

Being watched goes with vulnerability/exposure

Incomplete list of moments with Dick and Tim and vision

Tim + watching

The first time we see Tim's face in LPoD: a close-up on his eyes looking for Dick, a close-up on his eyes at the moment that he sees Dick, a pullback to his face at the moment of recognition, a pullback to his face + his camera (you could maybe even argue that Tim comes into existence at the moment that he sees Dick, like, conceptually. the act of seeing is his defining characteristic. it is the thing that makes his character happen. he is the kid who's watching.)

Tim's a very vision-centric character: he's first introduced as a camera, then as a pair of binoculars, then as a pair of eyes. His whole backstory is about watching: watching Dick's parents die, watching Dick on TV, watching Batman and Robin. I've grabbed a few panels above with Tim watching Dick but there are so many more. His major deductions are all vision-based: he sees Dick-the-acrobat and later recognizes Dick-as-Robin; he sees Bruce-in-the-past and recognizes him as Bruce-of-our-time; the climactic moment in Red Robin is about going into a dark cave with a torch so he can see what's there.

And he's a detective. He pries into secrets. He analyzes people. He's a worrywart and a fusser who always wants to understand what's going on with other people. In a lot of those panels where Tim's watching Dick, his inner monologue is busy deducing Dick's emotions and trying to psychoanalyze him. Tim's caring and watchful and intuitive... but all those qualities also make him very very intrusive.

Dick + being watched

Dick performing acrobatics for Bruce, Donna, and Tim in Detective Comics 38 (his first appearance), New Teen Titans 16, Batman 441, and Nightwing 88 (where he reflects he's glad to be back in the hot glare of the spotlight)

Dick's a detective too, of course - Tim deliberately mirrors Dick, both in-universe and out-of-universe. But also Dick's a performer who loves being watched and also wants to control how he's seen. He gets a kick out of showing off, making puns, kicking ass, taking names, and he gets a kick out of having an appreciative audience. And he's got a kind of yearning for recognition - it hurts, when Bruce won't look at him, and in fights with Bruce, Babs, Roy, he'll often bring up the past, trying to get them to acknowledge a shared history.

At the same time, he's a very private person who withdraws and hides and pushes people away when he's upset. Right before Tim shows up, Dick's just ghosted the Titans because he's having emotional turmoil and doesn't want to have it in front of them, and they're trying to respect his wishes... but that solitude doesn't last long, because then Tim tracks him down. Tim will do this again when Dick's having an emotional crisis and trying to avoid everybody in Nightwing 110.

Possible dynamics

Tim watches Dick in Robin 11, while silently analyzing Dick's anxieties about Two-Face

"The watcher and the person being watched" is a dynamic that really interests me, partly because it can be so complicated?

You can see in Dick and Tim their very first roles: enthusiastic performer and the enthusiastic audience member. Dick likes to perform and show off and entertain; Tim likes to watch; those are roles they both easily slide into and they have a lot of fun together! But also you can look at the harsher side: the crime victim and the voyeur, the amateur photographer and the guy who hates being photographed. Dick's intensely private about his vulnerabilities; Tim's intrusive and watchful and constantly trying to figure out how other people tick. Sometimes Tim's the caring friend who watches Dick closely, reads him well, understands him; sometimes he's the nosy mini-detective who pries into Dick's secrets. And that's just two different ways of describing the same thing!

One of the things that kinda fascinates me about Dick and Tim's relationship is that in a lot of ways it's built on a bunch of low-key boundary violations. A lot of their early relationship is driven by Tim's desire to know more about Dick vs. Dick's reluctance to get close to anyone from Gotham; Tim's often out-of-line, but without his pushiness, it's hard to see how they would've developed a relationship at all. Later on, their friendlier relationship is marked by Dick teasing and low-key bullying Tim; it's pretty obvious that Tim isn't actually bothered by this, but it does involve Dick ignoring whatever Tim's claiming he doesn't like ("Quit it!" "Shh").

And one of the aspects of those boundary-violations is that Tim has a habit of witnessing things that Dick would prefer that nobody see. Tim's a witness to Dick's first and most miserable tragedy; he sees the aftermath of some of Dick's fights with Bruce; he's there when Donna dies. And he's sharp and observant and analytical, and I like to imagine this as being something Dick's not entirely comfortable with.

When Dick first meets Tim, it's before he's learned to wear a mask. And Tim spends a lot of time trying to see through Dick's masks, and he's pretty good at it, and a lot of that prying comes from love and care, because one of the ways that Tim shows love and respect and admiration is by trying to absorb absolutely everything about you, like a little sponge. But there's also something unsparing and even threatening about the search for the truth of someone else. It can be comforting or threatening, to know someone's watching you.

And I love how all that complexity is wrapped up in Tim's origin story? Both the giddy childish "Watch me on the trapeze" and then the awful grim reality of what Tim actually sees as a result and then the difficult connection when Dick and Alfred finally get Tim to explain how he knows their secret identities.

Tim's origin story

Tim (recounting his origin story in LPoD): My parents held me back as the thing moved to you. I cried out to warn you. (Two panels where we see just Tim's eyes, as he watches a crying Dick. He sees Batman approach and start trying to comfort Dick.)

I think fiction sometimes presents "being understood / seen / known" as an uncomplicatedly good thing, and there's nothing wrong with that! But I like complications, and I like the way Tim's origin story frames that moment of witnessing as difficult and fraught. Tim doesn't want to tell Dick how he knows their secret identities because he thinks it'll hurt Dick to know it: I don't want to hurt you, Dick, and I'm really afraid I might. And he's not wrong. It is painful; it does hurt; it's not something Dick's happy to know.

Dick's a very private person, and there's a painful intimacy to Tim's origin story - it's not Tim's fault he was there, but at the same time, it's not like Dick chose to have the most traumatic moment of his life on stage in front of an audience of strangers, you know? It's kind of a violation. In NTT/NT/Nightwing, Dick's pretty violently hostile to photographers, and he's intensely private about trauma in general, and I like to imagine this as partly a reaction to that foundational trauma of losing the most important people in his life and also doing it publicly.

And Tim's part of that audience. And he sees the worst part, the part that Dick can't talk about. He sees the bodies and the blood. He has nightmares about it for years. He hears Dick crying and sees him holding onto his parents' bodies. Not at all the kind of first impression Dick would want to make. Not at all the kind of person he wants to be seen as. And that understanding can be painful, because it's so close to the bone, and when Tim's just a stranger, it's upsetting, because Tim knows things that Dick would never have chosen for him to know. Their few conversations about it are awkward partly because Tim's thirteen and awkward... but at the same time, it's not Tim's fault so much as the situation! There's no way for Tim to talk about what he saw that wouldn't be uncomfortable for Dick.

... And yet, and yet. Tim's also one of the last people to see the Graysons alive. He sees Dick and his parents together; he even takes a picture with them. He remembers the whole thing so vividly he'll recognize Dick's somersault years later. He sees the grief. And so I think of that connection as kind of a metaphor for witnessing. Tim sees these things and they become real; Dick can't hide from them; in the act of being seen he's caught, he's in a spotlight, all the grief made real. You can't hide, that way. And Tim's got this unforgiving memory; he won't ever forget; he won't ever stop knowing.

But then, too: Dick's seen, he's known. Even at the very beginning, when Tim doesn't know enough to understand what he knows, he knows the important things.

So that shared memory is a barrier and a bond between them. It can be a source of discomfort or a source of comfort. And that's how I think about Tim watching Dick in general - it's complicated, and sometimes Dick's glad of it, and sometimes he resents it, and also it just is, it's a fact of Tim, that Tim watches. It's notable when he's not watching, when he's turned away.

Being watched goes with vulnerability/exposure

So I'm going to talk about the fraught feeling of being watched more in a little bit, but first: I think it's fascinating that Dick likes screwing around with games where Tim can't see!

Here's Nightwing 25 - Dick's come up with the idea of trainsurfing while blindfolded:

Tim: Are you sure this is such a good idea? Dick: Shh! Listen. Tune into the changing sounds and - Tim: I'm not so - Dick: JUMP!

Here's Robin 49 - clambering through a tunnel into No Man's Land:

Dick: Hard not to think about the river. All the water above us. And bugs. This tunnels' probably full of 'em. And rats. Big ones. Big blind rats with teeth as long as -

Here's Gotham Knights 9 - ambushing Tim in a sorta game of hide-and-seek:

Dick: Gotcha! Tim: Augh!

I feel like mmm I don't want to emphasize power dynamics too much because it's easy to overplay it BUT when I think about headcanons it's interesting to me to think about how maybe when Tim can't see, Dick's more in charge / in control, and so he feels more comfortable and less vulnerable, and that's often when he's most relaxed and playing around the most?

Whereas the moments when Tim's looking at him are often a bit more fraught, as here in Lonely Place of Dying:

Tim: I'm sorry, Dick. I really am. I didn't want to hurt you by telling you all this. Dick... Dick: It's all right, Tim. No matter how old you are, there are some things you never forget. Or get over. (Silent panel: Tim's watching Dick as Dick turns away and stares into the window.)

Or here in Nightwing 6, when Tim wakes him up from a nightmare:

Dick (internally, imagining a kid falling): He shouts to me. He always shouts to me. I never hear what he says. Tim: Nightwing! Wake up!

Or here in Gotham Knights 26, when Bruce is accused of murder:

(Silent panel where Tim's watching Dick.) Tim: I'm sorry. This must be hard for you. Dick: Me? Why? Tim: Well, I mean, it'd be one thing if we really knew he was innocent, but as it is - Dick: Wait, what? Stop right there. What are you saying, Tim?

Here's Tim spotting him before he can get away in Nightwing 110:

Dick (watching Tim from a distance, internally): Still, Timmy played it through nice and clean. Disarmed the perps, protected and avoided the cops. Kept any civilians from getting shot. God, I love that kid. Too much to let him see me like this. Tim: Hey! (appearing on the roof above him, fake-cheerful) You weren't gonna leave without saying hi, were you? Dick (looking away, very quietly): Hey, Timmy. Tim: Look at you, man! Back on both feet! Think you're done stopping bullets with your body for a while? Dick: Hope springs eternal. (Silent panel with Tim watching Dick, who's turned away.) Tim: You okay, Dick? Dick: I'm fine. Tim: Well, where're you staying these days? Dick: With some people.

Of course, sometimes Tim's watchfulness is frustrating but also a comfort, as in Detective Comics 874:

Tim (watching Dick, who's looking away): Are you listening to me, Batman? I'm saying the gas the Dealer used on you was powerful stuff. Dick: I'm fine, Red Robin. Besides...you're here now. Tim: You're not fine. And with or without me, you shouldn't be out on patrol ye - Dick: Sshhh. Here they come.

(Later in the comic, Dick mentally concedes that Tim's right that he hasn't really recovered from the gas, and Tim saves him from drowning when he's hallucinating. So Dick feels kind of exposed by the scrutiny, but also... he invited Tim along, so there's trust there, too - Tim's perceptiveness can be a good thing, too, when things are serious.)

Incomplete summary of moments with Dick and Tim and vision

I think I already mentioned a lot of these but here is my LIST

almost the first thing that Dick says to Tim is "watch me on the trapeze, Tim" and then Tim does and he basically never stops watching;

Tim watches Dick's parents die and watches Dick sobbing on-stage and watches him on TV and recognizes him by seeing a particular trick because he's dreamed about Dick doing the trick in his recurring nightmares about that night;

in New Titans 65 which is their very first team-up comic after Tim's origin, Dick's training pre-Robin Tim and gives him a test about watching for details and later Tim's takeaway is "I saw how [the Titans] listened to you";

there's a moment in Showcase '93 12 which is just Tim watching Dick and analyzing what's going on with him and there's another moment in Prodigal which is the same thing;

in Nightwing 6 Tim sneaks into Dick's apartment and hides in the dark and Dick spots him and tackles him; one of their most important bonding comics is Nightwing 25, where Dick insists on blindfolding him to get him to rely less on vision; when they sneak into No Man's Land they're in the dark and Tim can't see again and Dick's teasing him;

there are multiple moments when Tim can't see Dick for a bit and panics about his safety, in Nightwing 25, in No Man's Land, in Transference, in Bruce Wayne: Murderer;

Tim's there watching when Dick's wedding to Kory falls apart and he's there watching when Bruce and Dick fight and he's there watching when Donna dies and he's watching when Dick and Bruce swing together on the night before Infinite Crisis, and when Dick goes down and almost dies in Infinite Crisis we cut to Tim watching and seeing it happen and screaming;

there are multiple moments which are just silent panels of them staring at each other trying to figure out what's going on with each other or having a stand-off - in Bruce Wayne: Murderer, in Resurrection, in Red Robin;

in the aftermath of Donna's death there's a panel where Dick's watching Tim from a distance and not approaching;

in the aftermath of Blockbuster Dick spends half the comic just staring at Tim from a distance and hiding himself because "I love that kid - too much to let him see me like this," but Tim sees him anyway and chases him down and then they lie to each other and *ranting* LISTEN TO ME the whole comic is about Dick trying to AVOID being SEEN both literally but also METAPHORICALLY AND --!!!

(the only thing i'm even as halfway obsessive about for them is the heights thing because also there are a bunch of moments involving falling or Tim being anxious about heights and worried that he'll fall or Dick will fall)

In conclusion

Consider the progression in all these moments where Tim's watching an upset Dick and worrying about him!! From reaching out instinctively-but-pointlessly when he's too far away in the LPoD flashback, to almost reaching out in LPoD but hesitating, to putting a hand on Dick's back to walk him back to the Cave in Gotham Knights 10, to physically dragging him clear of the water in Batman: Black Mirror!

In conclusion I don't have a conclusion but basically YES, "watching Dick" is a core Tim characteristic as far as I'm concerned, and Tim watches Dick a lot and that can mean all kinds of things from admiration to nosy intrusiveness to worry to care to gratitude to trying-to-figure-out-what's-going-on-with-him, and sometimes Dick's resentful and sometimes he's relieved and sometimes he's playful and sometimes it's a mix of all those feelings.

And at first it's always Tim watching Dick, but later you've got Dick watching Tim too, and there's that moment where Dick's secretly watching him fight but Tim spots him in Nightwing 110 and there's a silent panel where Dick's watching him in Resurrection and at the very end of Robin there's a scene where Dick's secretly watching him fight but Tim spots him and in the very last issue of Red Robin Dick's watching the end of the confrontation with Boomerang and in Prodigal Dick's the one who notices his face is bruised and aaaaaaah

Anyway I think they're neat <3

#ask tag #hi anon this is SO old i'm so sorry sdfsfs #if you're still here hi!! <333 #this was such a validating ask to get because as you can probably tell i think about the vision thing constantly #also this is SO long oh man. sorry i just started typing and it went on and on sdfdsf #dick grayson #tim drake #dick & tim #it's like. it's just endlessly fascinating to me because the paparazzi/photography stuff is one of dick's biggest triggers #and tim's introduced as a surreptitious amateur photographer #so there's no WAY they will ever get along #but then there's the Meaningful Photo from before the show #that low-key shows that tim's freaky obsessiveness comes from a place of genuine caring & this moment of real connection #so you have early days!dick kinda vibrating back and forth between 'I DON'T WANT HIM MAKE HIM GO AWAY'#vs. those moments when he IS getting attached to tim kinda against his will sdfsdf #and just. the dichotomy between paying attention as a form of love vs. being watched as a kind of violation and exposure #and that both are kinda the same thing?? and dick deeply craves the first and deeply hates the second #tim shows up being all I REMEMBER and what he remembers is exactly what dick was demanding bruce remember in b416 #but /also/ he remembers /everything/ 'i remember it all' he remembers the graysons dying in incredibly painful detail #and like. kid!tim is very tactless & has only two switches of 'TELL HIM NOTHING' and 'if forced to speak then overshare'#but the tactlessness is a fixable problem and the remembering is /not/#it's not like it's any better for tim to keep his mouth shut & dick to just be painfully /aware/ that he's thinking abt the graysons dying #bc ofc /tim/ remembering forces /dick/ to remember #but!! but also. you know. maybe that remembering /isn't/ entirely a bad thing #and dick's feelings about it can change over time #anyway tim's not the only person that dick has this kind of conflict with - wally & roy sometimes chase him down when he's withdrawing too #and he often doesn't really appreciate it from them either #and dick's not the only person who gets subjected to tim's particular brand of intrusive caring #conner's not thrilled about the dna thing & ives would be within his rights to resent the stalking even though he doesn't #but i am obviously personally most fond of the ways this plays out with dick & tim

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trashcatsnark · 7 months

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ngl, didn't play EA but I'm poking around datamined dialogue from an EA version- I find it very inchresting, that seemingly, they definitely turned down the dream guardian's like horniness and romantic interest. Like it seems to be implied that at one point the dream guardian like- tries to kiss you during the first encounter, like lots of notes about cheek caress, thigh touching, and leaving you with a smooch souvenir. And then in the morning you get a pretty good idea of who everyone saw (Karlach didn't have a file for it that I saw and Shadowheart's was vague, beyond- "someone she is attracted to") and Gale is funnily enough seems (from my searching) to be the only one who admits that... yeah, he smooched them...

And like, totally get why they turned that down for final release, but god if that was still the case- I would have lowkey tried not to laugh my ass off when who the dream guardian is was revealed and ask Gale how he liked the taste of squid mouth, was it worth it, bud?

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #look no shame to emperor fuckers and if anyone of the companions would be an emperor fucker it would be gale given his reaction if tav turn #but like god that fucking reveal would have had such a different vibe if I knew gale had kissed his dream guardian #i love gale but that is worth some fucking bullying also given the emperor is now flirting with me seemingly exclusively in front of them #like oh im romancing gale and the squid he kissed wants me now too- am i the homewrecker in this situation?#have i now through the transitive property kissed the squid?#is this the start of the worlds weirdest throuple?#probably not being mindflayers are a bridge too far for even my monster fucker ass #which tbh is just because i'm a lot more picky about amphibious reptilians or otherwise non-mammalian based monsters #and thats probably enough oversharing in the tags #tho also for those wondering gale sees mystra astarion sees cazador laezel sees vlaiikith wyll sees mizora and again shadowhearts is vague

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thechaoticfanartist · 9 months

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I love the Kenobi series and Obi-Wan's character development through it. It's more to me than just that he's my favorite character. I liked seeing him hurt and broken and struggle in that way, not in the way of I just like to hurt my favorite characters but in the way that I saw myself. I haven't healed yet, I'm still in the process of it, but seeing Obi-Wan go through the process gave me hope that it'll get better. The show, and Obi-Wan's journey to it is a lot more to me than it's just a show about one of my favorite characters.

#sorry I'm having emotions about him again and started watching the first episode #and like. that's me. i feel like that.#so watching him overcome it was very important to me #obi wan kenobi #kenobi show #kenobi series #i still think about it a lot. because it really did. it was good to see that. and i won't be able to explain it without oversharing.#but it's probably my favorite show. despite it's flaws.#and by flaws i mean the terrible lighting

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thefrogdalorian · 3 months

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Do any other writers ever get a bit down when you realise you're constantly writing the kind of relationship you desperately want but will probably never have?

Writing has helped my mental health a lot, it helps me to write down emotions when I struggle to place them in real life. But sometimes it also just makes me sad to write about something I desperately want but feel I will never have, so I just wondered if anyone else goes through this.

More under the cut, just going to rant about mental health and navigating the dating scene as an autistic person.

Like I'm sure a lot of us here on the hellsite, I spent my teenage years socially isolated and struggling because I didn't fit in with others, without realising why I felt so different. I just knew that I experienced attraction differently than my peers. Now I know that I'm autistic and queer, but back then I had no idea. At that's at least answered for me. But I'll never get that time back.

If I had known just how different I was earlier in my life, I think I could've navigated the age at which a lot of people are having these experiences more successfully. I did have some fun myself too. But most of the time, such encounters were stressful and overwhelming when they really should have been fun and exciting.

I honestly don't see myself ever getting into a relationship. I think I have a lot of great traits and strengths. I guess I'm probably not ugly. But I'm just not good at meeting new people. I have my friends and I like their company, why would I want to meet others? But how am I ever going to find love if I don't? Plus, dating apps terrify me and if I were to ever make it far enough to meet in real life, I feel like I don't know how to go on dates. Most people don't even want dates, either. It's all just casual which does not interest me.

I have a lot of amazing friends, I spread a lot of the love I have inside of me to them and I think platonic love can be just as fulfilling as romantic love. But it does kind of make me sad to think the closest I'll probably ever get to a real, loving relationship is by writing about fictional characters. Honestly just writing this out and I'm like wow... my life is pretty tragic.

I mean, I'd love to be wrong. But based on the way society has shown time and again it mistreats people like me, I've pretty much given up on love in my mid twenties. Except in my fanfics.

And that makes me sad, I can't lie.

#writing #a little oversharing on the internet as a treat #i'm probably going to delete this in the morning but i jsut got a rush of sadness about this and i can't sleep #so i wondered if it's common #i haven't been writing properly again for too long so maybe this is a normal Emotion and some of u have pointers lol #thank you in advance for any advice 🥺#just autism things

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canisonicscrewyou · 7 months

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Okay here’s the thing, some of you are asking for the 2019 Aziracrow Cosplay Pics** in my inbox, and upon reflection how could we not. You’re gonna get so much more lore than you could’ve ever asked for or wanted,though. This is a long post, and I almost want to apologize for it. **Pre-HRT baby face pics ahead

For context, Damien and I have known each other since freshmen year of high school, 2012. In fact, we had like no classes together, and whenever one of us mentioned our nerd shit in class the first couple of days, kids kept telling us we HAD to meet each other. We finally met in a history class after they got transferred into it, and exchanged fandom memes back and forth after school on the sidewalk that day until our rides picked us up, and pretty much from then on freshmen year EVERYONE thought and asked if we were two little queer kids dating in our Catholic School.

And of course we weren’t— we just sat in each others’ laps a lot, or grabbed at each other a lot, and were a little inseparable for a while. Neither of us read anything into this. We were also, very importantly, cringey little 14-15 year old SuperWhoLock girlies, only I didn’t watch Supernatural, and they didn’t really watch Doctor Who, and we both thought Sherlock was pretty good. We supplemented our own love for our special little shows for the other. We were so inseparable that Damien’s 1-month-long-freshmen-boyfriend got them a Doctor Who gift for Valentine’s Day. The key to the Eleventh Doctor’s TARDIS. (My favorite, at the time, and also one that I knew they definitely sold at the comic book shop up the block.) They break up with him for giving them chocolates with nuts(allergy), and immediately give my little autistic ass the TARDIS key at lunch. Neither of us read anything into this. This is a common theme.

Damien, at some point, tells me to read a book they love, Good Omens. Due to my brain being the way it is, it takes about 3-4 business years, until college, to read Good Omens at their recommendation.

Damien is one of my best friends throughout high school and college. I also think it’s important to note that they were a jock, and I was a theatre kid. And the only time I convinced them to do something, a haunted house, with the drama club, to share a hobby maybe, they got hit in the head with a lightsaber by a 1st grader and needed stitches immediately after we started.

ANYWAYS.

I get Damien into cosplay a year or so later- 2013? 2014?

But it also takes us years to cosplay together- we would help with each others’ cosplays a lot. By that I mean I built a bunch of their props and they helped by getting the supplies with me and generally just hanging out. It takes us until 2019 to cosplay together.

Good Omens is out on Amazon Prime.

We text each other.

“Do you want to do a couple’s cosplay of this?

Yes, yes of course I do.

And yes, of course you’re Crowley, and of course I’m Aziraphale. And of course I’m Crowley, and of course you’re Aziraphale.”

Pretty much every week that summer, we built our wings from scratch, from wire and masking tape and ethically sourced goose and duck feathers and mall Chinese food. We go out and plan and shop for our gay little outfits. We sit and talk in their car, in my driveway, for ages every time, every night.

Another fun fact: this was the same convention that I painstakingly painted their tits blue for. And also painstakingly helped them wash blue off of in the shower, drunk, later that night. Unrelated, Aziraphale was the first cosplay I felt comfortable in.

Another fun fact: while getting ready for the photo shoot we booked that morning, my family dog scared my cat Almondmilk, and he peed all over my Aziraphale cosplay, and I yelled a bit. Our photographer rescheduled, blessedly, and a few hours later our photographer was asking how we wanted to stage the kiss, since of COURSE there had to be a kiss, but instead we sort of just—

“We’re really good friends— We’ve known each other since high school— We’ve already seen so much of each other this is no big deal— Do you need another shot?”

“Uh-huh,” Our photographer says, knowingly. “I think maybe one more, if we’re comfortable with—“

“Oh yeah, no problem at all-“

“Uh-huh, Yeah,” Our photographer says, knowingly. “Tilt your head up more.”

Not many couples can say they somehow managed to get their first kiss documented and edited in HD.

Damien got nauseous at the last day of the con, and the only thing we had to help were these honey sticks from a tea shop booth. They couldn’t open the little sticks themself, with their fangs in, so I took them and ripped them open with my teeth to give to them. Completely, totally unrelated, though, I think this was the summer I began to realize, perhaps realize once more, that I was so absolutely done for for Damien.

Anyways all of that went SO well, that we were planning every Ineffable Husbands cosplay we could. Somehow, our most logical next choice was a fun and very quick, messy little boudoir photo shoot in my college dorm room, while they were visiting me 3+ hours away from their school.

Down so bad you lovingly pack wigs to go to college with so that you can have your best friend sit in your lap for your little ship.

We did that as Just Good Friends, literally in front of an old friend who took the photos and helped us stage the poses a bit.

We went to sleep that night in that bed. It was big enough to fit 3, maybe even 4 people if you were in a pinch. The bed was not treated like it was that big. (Note, we now sleep on a full sized bed, and it’s suddenly too small.)

And we talked for a while and we went to bed and all I could think about was how much I loved them no matter the sense of the word. And how many nights we sat talking in your car in my driveway for way too long, wondering if I should ask if I could kiss you. (A quick pronoun change, because I know you’re reading this.)

And

Nothing

Came

This

For

FOUr

YEARS.

Just good friends. Just good, good friends.

And that’s how Good Omens helped me realize, in retrospect of 2019, how in love I was with my Crowley best friend.

#long post #sorry for the gay oversharing nerd ass romance story when all y’all were asking for was cosplay pics.#hiiiiiiii damien this is close enough to our anniversary (next week?) that I can be gay on main hardcore mode.#also everyone say happy birthday Damien bc that IS today #the hilarity of 2019 especially. how we didn’t end up dating after that con alone is beyond me.#We probably Were Not Ready but anyways. it’s a good fucking cosplay. I still have that cosplay.#this cosplay gave me gender euphoria pre-hrt which was hard to come by in costumes/theatre/cosplay #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #good omens cosplay #aziraphale cosplay #crowley cosplay #we beat the toxic codependent sapphic teenage friendship by transing our genders <333333 #andrew’s face #ask to tag for the boudoir ones. however they’re also incredibly tame bc a friend was photographing us and we were trying to play so cool #I was at least

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franeridan · 2 months

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it's fun how laios's relationship with shuro was so severely hindered by shuro being too damn japanese for him to know how to properly deal with laios (reading the room and understanding from context while the words said are generally nice and polite and avoiding conflicts at all costs being an integral part of japanese culture vs laios's need to be told things straight or else he won't understand)

at the same time it's fun how the main problem with kabru's relationship with laios was that kabru's strength lays in being able to know exactly what people want him to do and say to make it so that they'll like him, and he really wanted laios to like him so he did his best to fix himself to his tastes, but all laios needs to truly like someone is for them to be fully honest with him so their friendship couldn't start until kabru was forced to put away the nice words and just say what he really wanted to say

different natures and cultures clashing and making relationships more complex and interesting and all that, you know

#there's a layer of deception on what's said by most characters #be it to protect themselves or for lack of thought or to avoid having to overshare or whatever #laios has problems with most of these to a degree because he really prefers people to just tell him stuff straight #but shuro and kabru are probably the most extreme examples of this and i just!!! find it interesting!!!!!#sometimes you have the best intentions and still you're gonna fuck up!#simply cause your nature just doesn't agree with someone else's!#and the only way for you to work it out is to compromise!!!#these two relationships show it very well it's fun i like it

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surskip · 2 months

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well i posted that post like 4 months ago how 2024 will be good, and so far, just reaching 3 months in, my grandma died and my uncle got cancer and my sibling's apartment flooded so bad they had to move back here. so well. only up from here really 👍 in less than a week my other uncle will be here for 2 weeks (booked the tickets before the flooding) but there is little room to spare so lets see how that goes

#mine #my uncle and sibling are as fine as can be #OTL sorry to overshare before midnight pst but im worried for my mom too #she has a bad heart condition and has been so stressed out since like. august. about things i cant help with or change #PLUS we probably have to move out of the house weve been living in for like 18 years next year #and also its my dead dads birthday on saturday (explodes)#so things are ... not great #smiles. well we made some nice bread that had cheese and garlic herb butter in it for dinner

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heartfulselkie · 10 months

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You mentioned that you were coming up with lore for Bell the Cat but that it may not come up in the fic, so is there anything you would like to share via tumblr? 👀 i love the fic very much and would love to hear any thoughts you have on it

I have been enabled

I've got a lot of things written down in my little notebook of thoughts - some of which I might turn into a oneshot that would more or less be an in universe fairytale/folklore.

Most of these ideas feature around the kwami. Especially Tikki and Plagg. Those two are at the centre of the Kwami "pantheon", although its only Tikki's name that has been passed down through history (along with the other kwamis). Plagg on the other hand...well he's a bit of an outlier.

Plagg's existence is widely unknown, only occasionally mentioned in vague and nameless terms in this universe's stories/history. That's largely to do with Plagg having no interest in offering Blessings. Hard to establish knowledge of your existence when you very rarely create any connection with the species that is literally making the history. That isn't to say Plagg has never Blessed someone, it's just been very few and far between. He's a bit jaded with the whole thing since humans and destruction are often a volatile mixture.

Plagg has also been written out of history to an extent. The Guardians are a group of scholars in this world and are the primary history keepers. They know of Plagg's existence but will either keep any information of him hidden or outright destroy it. It's their idea of a safety measure to prevent any person going and seeking Plagg*. Although...one of their hidden texts did go missing some years ago.

Blessings normally manifest in a person when they reach 13 years of age. It is largely unknown how this happens - if it's at random or if Kwamis choose specific people - but most Blessed will say that they "communed" with their linked Kwami, usually in the form of a dream-like vision. Not many remember it too clearly though.

*Supposedly, someone who has passed the age of 13 can still form a bond with a kwami and become Blessed. However this is largely unrecorded and often put down to rumours and wishful thinking. Doesn't stop some people from attempting to pursue a Kwami of their choice though - or even multiple Kwami. The powers of Creation (and Destruction) are far too tempting for certain people.

#is this oversharing? this is probably oversharing #i have even more but i'll not bring it up for now #got to keep SOME stuff for the fic #fic: bell the cat #ask selkie

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