#I have a sense that i should probably be freaking the fuck out but mostly im just... calm? it's not a happy calm idk what emotion this is
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The universe saw fit to gift my grandmother with a lovely case of covid for Christmas because of course it fucking did, so the past few days have been, uh...
Busy.
#personal#she's not in the hospital- she did end up going to urgent care on the 25th but they sent her home.#she did not TELL US she was going to urgent care we found out via whatsapp from my aunt#who'd been trying to coordinate a family zoom call and was informed by my granddad 'later. we're#at the hospital now'.#why did they not call and ask us to drive given that we live TEN MINUTES AWAY and granddad shouldn't be driving at the best of times?#that i could not tell you. something about 'not wanting to inconvenience-' which is insane#dad and i have been going up to try and get everything we can done for them since then#nana's been granddad's caretaker since he got diagnosed but anyone who's had covid can tell you it takes fucking EVERYTHING out of you#to just fucking walk around. im off work till the 9th thank god so i can be there as often as required but even so...#I have a sense that i should probably be freaking the fuck out but mostly im just... calm? it's not a happy calm idk what emotion this is#but it definitely isn't positive- but im not panicking. i feel like new bad info does not surprise me anymore it's just kind of a grit-your-#teeth-and-adjust-to-handle-shit deal. like. 'mm. god shits in our collective dinner once again. figures.'#there's no point in flying off the handle just figuring out how to fix things. im not happy but im... steady i guess?#im resigned and bitter and optimistic until im given proof not to be but mostly what i am is tired. not physically just-#my brain feels like a wrung out dishcloth. i keep trying to write because i know it'll make me happy if i can but its not working.#i keep writing paragraphs of shit that aren't matching up with what i want and if somebody gives me some meaningless platitude about#how maybe it's a sign it should be there and to try and incorporate it ill rip their face off. shut. up.
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how do you think a Stobin body swap would go down? (any season/scenario/au you fancy)
definitely depends on era!
pre s1? Screaming. chaos. yelling and panic. Robin is having a crisis about somehow being in the body of her nemesis. Steve has no idea who he is and that is freaking him out.
post s1? same for robin, but Steve is like ahhhhh what the fuck? ok this sucks but at least I'm not dying? not the weirdest or scariest shit to happen to him. it's not a monster trying to kill him? so it's mostly fine. He should probably tell nancy though. Also robin is mad because she would absolutely blame steve lol.
post s2? (I'm not even going to delve into during a season really because. that complicates things so much.) depending on when, if steve's still beat up robin may take pity on his pathetic sadboy self. She'd also be pissed because now she has to deal with a concussion. Steve is like woah. heart: still broken. Life: getting weirder. Head: no longer concussed! should probably figure out how to not be in someone else's body though!
pre s3? hilarious. they're coworkers. robin blames steve for this. they are scooping ice cream. dustin's there and robin is like listen i am NOT your babysitter I am just in his body. look over there. do you think that's me? Robin? spinning the scooper? no. go to him with whatever you have.
post s3 they wake up and are like huh. hm. this is a pickle! and steve is like what a fucking second i am NOT going to highschool again!! that's the biggest issue they have. Robin says she's gonna make him look bad in front of babes. steve threatens to flunk robin. They barely question it though. very much a "ah. well. this makes sense. may as well happen" they want their bodies back but aren't particularly fussed about it.
at no point is gender an issue they stole that from each other a long time ago without realizing it.
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ok so like there are two parts of me, right? well there are a lot of parts but english is hurting me right now and my head isn't working so you will make due/do(?)
anyways one part is like: my sense for gay people is strong, i think i know which f1 drivers are gay and i am confident in my answers
but the other part is like: its wrong to speculate sexuality because if people havent come out then they either aren't ready to be out or aren't gay, but at the same time this generation is moving away from the construct of coming out so like... idk.
today the first part is stronger, though, so i want to share my speculations because everyone in the states only watches nascar and is a hick and i'm scared of them. they also do not like my italian accent :(
1. Max Verstappen
come on guys, any gay person could tell u he's probably bi. i mean he doesn't even try to hide it, u know? like there are compilations of him being fruity. and they are shockingly long.
he's mentioned using grindr, he's mentioned girls OR guys when talking about dating preferences, the whole thing with the freaking lei (i think thats how it is spelled, the hawaiian thing? the flower necklace?). the list goes on and on.
he's had girlfriends, and i'm pretty sure they weren't beards but i'm not sure. i'm leaning towards bi tho for this reason.
even if he isn't bi or gay or pan or whatever, he's at least incredibly comfortable with queerness and is probably a really cool dude. annoying when i'm watching the sunday races, but love him the rest of the time!
2. Lando Norris
lando is a bit more subtle with it (as are the other ppl in the list). emphasis on a bit, though.
unless you live under a rock, you've probably seen this gif:
this has called many aboard the lando is a little fruitcake train. what people don't realise is that he "eye fucks" or like... stares lovingly a lot.
other examples include:
staring lovingly at carlos sainz
checking out charles leclerc (kind of? i think he is checking him out)
staring lovingly at carloz sainz
this weird ass moment with, you guessed it, carloz sainz
there are a lot of these photos and clips out there, but i'm lazy and don't feel like looking for them so yeah. take my word for it.
i saw a post saying that if carlos and lando pulled up to the paddock holding hands and telling people they were dating they wouldn't be shocked. i agree with this statement entirely. as was stated, it takes a lot to get to that point, and we're at that point.
now i grew up a gay dude to a conservative family, and i know the little mannerisms that are like... a part of being gay? and i know what it looks like to hide them.
i do not know if this is the right way to say it or if it is politically correct, but i believe it to be true. gay men tend to have little mannerisms here and there that give us away a bit, and i think i've seen some of those in lando.
i don't think i will share them though, as i don't want to accidentally push harmful stereotypes or whatever. obviously not all gay men have gay mannerisms and it might be something lando is insecure about so i would rather not put them on blast.
if it's not a bad thing i may come back and edit this and add them in. idk, let me know i guess? i am still learning american customs.
3. Yuki Tsunoda
this is probably going to be the shortest section (ha).
yuki mostly just makes my radar go off. i don't consume alphatauri content as much, but i know there was a thing with him and pierre that was just crazy last year and the year prior. don't know as much about it as i should haha.
but yeah. yuki just sends my radar into the astral plane (is that a thing? i am doubting myself). if he is not at least bisexual i will eat my own foot.
maybe that one moment between him and michael italiano has just gotten to me, i don't know. i trust in my instincts though.
Honourable Mentions
4. Danny Ric
idk he just gives the vibe! i don't know how to explain my radar. gay people know. i think it is called gaydar.
DR is on it.
5. Carlos Sainz
he is probably on my gaydar the least, but he's still on there. latest vlog he gently combed his finger through ruperts hair. he's probably deeply in love with lando. just little things like that i guess!
6. Oscar Piastri
this may be wishful thinking. i sit in bed at night and pray that he is into men.
that is all! thank you for learning about fruity drivers with me! please do not cancel me if i am doing something politically incorrect! i am still learning!
#f1#formula 1#max verstappen#lando norris#yuki tsunoda#daniel ricciardo#danny ric#carlos sainz#carlando#oscar piastri#lgbtq
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So I watched Fiona And Cake and I'm hooked...
First episode:
I love how it started with all the colors and how it felt! The voice acting was spot on and it felt surreal with the pastel theme.
"I don't wanna go to work......" Relatable... Especially since my school will start soon...
The way Cake is acting really true actually! Minus the ice... Also when cats ears and nose are cold that means they are healthy! If their hot then that means the cat is sick.
I honestly did not know Fionna's job was a thing....
When I saw Marshall Lee I screamed. I live for his DESIGN! And his personality.
Love Fern's hair. That's all I have to say.
Man Fionna's Boss is short I thought they were a kid.
Love Fionna's reaction from getting fired...And how she technically flipped of her now old boss.
PRINCE GUMBALL or should I say Gary...
Gary's so adorable! I would love to try the cookies he made! They look delicious and sweet and the latté there!
Fuck Gary's boss! He don't deserve to work with that short ass dwarf (No offense to anyone who's short) he deserves better!
When Marshall started singing I was just amazed by the voice acting again! Like such voice is amazing for him!
Oh the poor coffee...
Aw! Marshall likes the cookies! I hope he meets Gary some episode!
I don't trust this version of Lumpy space princess...
I LOVE HUNTER! They are so gentle and nice! I get a bit of gender enby vibes from them.
I LOVED THIS EPISODE!♥️
Below is the next episode review cause this is getting a bit long and cause I explore a few dark topics.
Second Episode:
I missed Simon so much!
I don't like how he's basically a human attraction to the citizens. I just don't feel comfortable with that cause of anxiety and I don't like getting asked questions in general.
I personally think that kid should've just left Simon alone and not talk about his past to HIS ENTIRE FAMILY!
I do think what's interesting about the trauma of Simon is that he's so traumatized from his past as the "Ice King" to the point he can't look at ice without freaking out. It's like soldiers who have been in wars and are so traumatized by loud sounds to the point they just at times attack.
I like Finn's new design! It matches well with now personality.
And I like how TV (One of Jake's kids) is with him.
So wait Jake's DEAD!?
Blindfolded into a forest... What could go wrong?
I really love the forest layout cause of colorful and bright it is! It blends in with the vibe it's going for.
I was at first like "Woah there's blood!" When Jake killed the fish but then it made sense cause Adventure Time came out year's ago and they now they're audience has grown since then so it makes sense.
I would love to hear more stories from before Simon was the Ice King.
"SUCK ON THESE NUTS!" YES!!
More things that I noticed about Simon when he was fighting the bear thing is that he's not a fighter, he's not violent, he's just trying to fit in the best he can but even he can't cause of how people keep reminding him about his past as the Ice King.
I know what Finn did was irresponsible cause he just blindfolded Simon and led him into a forest but let me explain. He's lost Jake. And when Jake dies he was probably and most likely devastated since he lost the only person he was mostly close to a that was like a brother to him. That's his way of coping with stuff! But he doesn't know alot about Simon so he tried to do the one thing that helped HIM! He tried.
I was so HAPPY to see Marceline and Bubblegum again!
I find it very funny that Bubblegum's skin sticks to the tattoo gun.
Love Marceline's new hair cut as well.
I just Simon to be happy with his wife! Is that to much to ask!?😭
Also I think I catched a Steven universe reference when Cake came out Simon's hair.
This episode was heavy and full of emotion to unpack and I think I like that!
I love the series so far and hope more of it soon!
Also I'M BACK!
#fionna and cake#fionna campbell#cake the cat#marshall lee#simon petrikov#marceline#princess bubblegum#finn the human#adventure time#prince bubblegum#lumpy space princess#jake the dog#bubbline#gumlee#gary prince
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did nobody ask you for red letter day? absurd! *I* wanna know about red letter day!
hello captain and friend anon!!! I KNOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED THIS IN SIX MILLION YEARS SO THANK YOU FOR THESE ASKS <333
okay SO the first thing is, you have to understand, my list of documents for this fic looks like this:
anyway i do love this fic even though it FIGHTS ME; it's supposed to have both Fights and Mysteries and both are hard to write 😅
anyway hmmm i'm going to cheat by including a Dick POV section that I am probably gonna end up cutting, because i like it but i also worry that it slows down the dialogue?
excerpt below the cut! the only context that you need is that Dick and Tim have been having the "should Tim call if there's danger in Gotham" argument again (Tim's position is "no"), partly because they both have genuine positions on this argument, but also because it enables them to sublimate an emotional conflict into a work conflict and thus avoid talking or thinking about their feelings, which is a shared pathology goal:
Dick would bet Tim never mouthed off to Bruce like this. One of the many things that suck about being the knock-off Batman is that none of Dick’s orders really stick. All of the responsibility without the authority to back it up. At least when Dick was leading the Titans, they did what he freaking told them.
…Mostly.
…Okay, sometimes.
The awful truth is—and he tries not to dwell on it because it’s pointless and doesn’t achieve anything, but—everything with Tim, sometimes it reminds him of the worst times with the Titans. The same uneasy feeling of dread, like he’s grabbing for someone who’s slipping through his fingers. Roy’s crossed arms. The clock creeping toward midnight, staring at the champagne, knowing in his heart that Kory wasn’t coming. After Tartarus: watching Roy walk out of the room, watching Donna follow him, staring at Vic’s back, Kory’s back, all of them walking out, and no one left but the newcomers. When the personal is so fucked up that all you can do is double-down on the professional, and even that doesn’t help, and then—
(Get a grip, Grayson.)
And anyway, this isn’t like the Titans, is it? Dick was out-of-line, there, in retrospect. He’s never been good at losing people gracefully. Pushing Kory for marriage when she was already pulling away, trying to cling to her instead of letting her go. Giving ultimatums after Tartarus, when he knew the team already resented his orders. Making decisions behind Vic’s back, trying to force him to stay. It’s an ugly bad habit, picked up from Bruce: things are slipping, and your people are mad at you, so you get scared, and then you get authoritative and controlling so you can hang onto them, except you can’t control them, so then they get even angrier and you lose them anyway.
It’s easy to see in Bruce, hard to see in himself, but he knows it’s there. He barely managed to catch himself in time, with the Titans.
Is he doing the same thing to Tim? Does he need to back off?
But Gotham is risky. Tim’s always been capable, obviously, but…it’s okay to be a bit authoritative, isn’t it? Tim should call if there’s someone who looks unusually dangerous. That’s just common sense. Dick’s not asking for miracles, here.
#general unreliable narrator warning sdfsdfsd#dick. honey. kory needed space after being tortured + that was not your fault or the result of your choices actually#anyway i'm so torn because on the one hand i feel like this is worryingly close to info-dumping in a way i don't like#and i also worry that it's not giving enough context for someone who's not familiar with the comic references#but at the same time mmm okay this isn't the main point of this or anything#but part of what i find so appealing about the dick + tim conflict#is its potential to interact with their different types of abandonment issues#i feel like tim's abandonment issues generally have enough play in fandom that i don't have to spend a lot of time establishing them#whereas most dick-centric fics tend to focus on other aspects of his character#but dick has a lot of anxiety about losing people too#like. it's complicated bc he doesn't process it or narrate it to himself in quite the same ways that tim does#but it's very much an underlying anxiety imo
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silly hc idea for the riddlers. What do you think it'd be like if the riddlers who have voice actors/actors met their actors? Do you think they'd be appreciative? Freaked out?
Riddlers meet their actors
Short and sweet but this is way too cute
Tw: fourth wall breaking, meta, unreality/dpdr, surveillance
Gotham
- Considering the canon (that I ignore mostly because it's done so poorly) that hes got a split personality he's talked to, it probably wouldn't go well? Lots of animosity. Like a dog growling at its reflection.
- IGNORING THAT THOUGH. He'd start quizzing him and giving him riddles since this is obviously a fake. A trick someone is playing on him.
- if he found out it was real, he'd be super apologetic and calling him Mr.
- oh god does that mean there's actors for penguin and zsasz as well? They must be more pleasant than the on screen counterparts, at least.
60s
- Between Edward's riddles and puns and Mr. Gorshins stand up, the crime fighting duo is going to be seeing double! But this isn't about them.
- given this riddler is kind of a cinemaphile, there would be so many acting questions. Favorite movie? Who is the most famous person he's worked with (besides him, obviously)? He's quite good at acting and impressions himself, as Frank Gorshin would already know.
Zero year
- Get fucked, Edward, you have no VA or actor. That will however not stop him from harassing the writer and artist. His plan was failproof! How did this GUY beat him? And he can't just read who Batman is because then it'll be like he couldn't figure it out on his own. Ugh!
- He is going to red marker a copy of Zero Year showing every unflattering panel. See that expression where it looks like he has a double chin? That has to go, fellas!
- He tells them to do a better job next time. Because there WILL be a next time. He's simply the best riddler there could be! And no, not with the mohawk, get that out of here.
BTAS
- Civilized conversation after a brief "How strange, you can imitate me- OH-" Well, perhaps you should have pushed for more riddler episodes. His brilliant mind should be on display after all!
- sorry its been...... its been how many years since the show has been on...? Of COURSE he knew that. It was just a surprise hearing it. Right now.
- well. Other than that, he's going to ask about the family, his husband, as is only polite. Then about the other voices. Working with them and-
- sorry, joker is luke skywalker?
Telltale
- It should only make sense that his voice actor should be so skilled with a long variety of credits. Perhaps he has this skill as well and he didn't even realize it!
- German is a surprising accent he didn't know he could do. That will definitely come into play at a later date if he needs to hide his voice.
Arkham
- He can't handle this. The realization he's just pixels in programming- He's so much GRANDER than this! Yes, yes, you've done a great job, whatever, he has much more concerning things to deal with. He'll spare you, Wally, simply because without you his voice wouldn't be.
- this ultimately turns into him becoming the nastiest virus that figures out how to spread to any device that can access wifi. In this new world, there's nothing he can't see or control...
2022
- honestly I think he'd be terrified. Who is this well-adjusted man with his face? He's an ACTOR? People pay to see this face? His worthless, disgusting-
- wait he has fans?
- it all goes downhill from there. Abduction, probably like when Joker abducted Mark Hamil in that one special.
- He will flip when he finds out Paul Dano wrote his origin comics. Someone who knows him so well better than ANYONE else on this wretched world.
#riddler#gotham#btas riddler#arkham riddler#zero year riddler#riddler 2022#telltale riddler#60s Riddler#foxwriting
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different places (different fates?)
role reversal au part 3! (part 1) (part 2) (tag) (ao3)
Eddie drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. Of course he had gotten involved with a murder investigation. At least he wasn’t the suspect… for now anyways. No, he had instead been recruited to rescue someone from a murder investigation. He was always down for some interference and meddling, but shit…
All he had wanted was a normal spring break to kick off the rest of a normal year.
Just one normal year where he could graduate and get the hell out of Hawkins.
But nope! A fucking murder investigation.
He shot a glance over at Robin, she seemed pretty calm about this whole thing. Eddie squinted, at least mostly calm about it, she kept fiddling with her rings. It made sense that she would be anxious, she was pretty close to Harrington. Although Eddie still couldn’t figure out why.
Henderson was obsessed with him, there must be a reason why. That butthead took no shit. But it was a mystery to Eddie. Although, it was starting to seem like it was related to all of the weird shit that was going on in Hawkins. Though he still wasn’t sure what weird shit that was.
He glanced in the rearview mirror, Dustin and Max were muttering quietly to each other. That probably wasn’t good, but before it could spark too much concern, Eddie remembered something else. They had said that it was very likely that he would end up being a suspect too. Which made sense, once a freak, always a freak. But… that didn’t mean he had to be unprepared and just hole up with no supplies. Of fucking course this all went down while his go bag was spread across the floor of his room to be restocked.
Eyes back on the road, Eddie hummed in consideration. “So… you said that I am going to be a suspect too, right?”
Robin shrugged awkwardly in her seat. “Well, most likely. I mean, they might not go for that angle, but…” She trailed off with a wince.
“Okay, okay.” Eddie nodded to himself. This wasn’t the best, but he had worked with less. He had gotten to Hawkins with less. “So, we are going to make a quick detour so I can pick up some clothes and tell my uncle. He should be off work right now…” Eddie tapped his fingers idly, trying to remember Wayne’s work schedule.
“What!?” Dustin shouted from the backseat.
Eddie jerked the steering wheel a little in surprise and glared over his shoulder. “Geez! Don’t do that! Fucking idiot.”
Dustin sighed and started again in a quieter voice, with even more exasperation in his tone. “They are currently looking for Steve. In a murder investigation. And you want to make a stop for clothes?”
“Look you little butthead, yes. I don’t know what spooky shit you guys have dealt with in the past, but yes. We want clothes because Steve’s were messed up from crawling through who knows what.” Eddie paused to make a turn before continuing. “And if what you were saying about this Code Red is true. And I’m saying if because I am just saying fuck it because yeah, why not. Then we are going to want to get my first aid kit before the shit goes down and not after.”
“But, but-” Dustin spluttered.
Robin twisted in her seat to look at Dustin. “Dustin! It’s alright! Grabbing some supplies is a good plan. You know as well as I do that shit can get messy quick and think how much easier that stuff last summer would’ve been if we had some more things ready.”
Eddie shot another look over at Robin in confusion. What the hell had happened last summer. There was the mall fire? Was that related to this whole mess? Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie saw Dustin cross his arms with a grumble. He looked back towards the road and continued towards the trailer park.
Max chimed in, “Besides, this means I can grab my walkie, Eddie’s place is right next to mine.”
“Fine! Fine, okay. Sorry for wanting to get to Steve as fast as possible. Steve, who’s one of my closest friends and is currently the number one suspect for murder.”
Eddie rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. And the number two suspect here would like to prepare before any shit happens, alright?”
#steddie#stranger things#steddie role reversal au#this has been a longgg time coming#but also i was writing many other things instead lmao#shorter than part 2 but i was finally happy with it#ao3 updates will be multiple parts condensed#might just switch it over to ao3 at some point but idk#ori writes#steddie fic
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so, i finally finished (posting) my huge, novel-length teenage mutant ninja turtles fanfic. i just posted the final epilogue over on ao3!
here is my director's commentary on it, if you want to read even more about it. this contains spoilers for the whole thing. maybe read the epilogue first and sit with that for a minute. also this will probably be pretty incoherent if you haven't read the whole thing. it's just a disconnected series of thoughts i have about the story, really
man, this story. this is maybe the longest thing i've ever written? like 'the new hive' and 'hell game' had more words (i think) but they were mostly a disconnected series of sex scenes with thin connective tissue between them. this is ~200k words of a single, linear, mostly-plot narrative. i'm writing scenes that aren't just about getting the two leads to fuck!! that's weird. it's definitely the most ambitious thing i've written. kind of weird that it's tmnt fanfic. that's just how it worked out, i guess.
so back in 2022 i watched the rise of the tmnt movie because people kept talking about the animation quality of the fights and that got me into a spiral of actually paying attention to the ninja turtles. i had never been into them & genuinely i think a huge part of getting into tmnt stuff was that rise actually varied the design of the turtles so that they weren't all basically identical save for color-coding. turns out visual design was the missing mystery ingredient.
also in 2022 i was burning out on writing 'goblin cave', when what i had intended to be a fun little writing exercise ended up getting algorithmically surfaced and getting me hundreds of comments on each chapter. that got a little stressful and i wasn't really enjoying that, so i stopped. but i was like, hmm you know i mostly just write weird porn but maybe i should write something a little more ambitious. with a plot, and everything. 'goblin cave' was (in my mind) all about a character who was created for violence deciding art was a much more worthwhile pursuit. but the main character of that doesn't know what art is. because it's a magical dungeon core. and i was still thinking a lot about dead zones of the imagination, by david graeber. so i was like, okay, let's do this again but in a slightly more self-authentic way and make it weird gay porn with weird animal dicks. let's give michelangelo ninjaturtle a monologue about how the powerful are utterly insulated from any consequence.
(also early on, after watching most of rottmnt, i stumbled across this blog post about the tmnt comics and the end of the world. that ended up being deeply influential on the fic too. i've been kinda in a state for the past few years and this fic is absolutely a part of me working through a lot of complicated feelings about the world and the future. lol people talk so much about people writing dark fic 'to cope' but this was pretty much the first time i've outsourced my emotional processing by having bad things happen to fictional characters.)
so uhhh where to start here. the setting of the fic is this complicated messy mashup of a half-dozen tmnt continuities. it's very rise-heavy, since... that was the only series i had watched(/read) when i had determined the major plot points, but there's a lot of bits and pieces from all over.
to roughly outline the characters here, a huge influence on mikey's personality in this is... mikey's 'dr delicate touch' persona in rottmnt. in the sense that... okay yes yes that is a kid's show and all of his dr delicate touch lines are, you know, setups and punchlines. you think he's going to be nice but actually he's mean! etc. but in-universe it's like, wait hold on a second. mikey is like the most emotionally-intelligent of the four. he absolutely knows when people are on the edge of flipping out and need a calming out to a stressful situation. and instead he freaks them out more! mikey's hobby is: being mean to his friends & family, for fun! what a fun character trait.
i was thinking about this tweet a lot, too. i read some writing advice once that people tend to make characters who are supposed to be likable too squeaky-clean. nothing but positive character traits for them! but actually every 'positive' character trait is exactly the same as a 'negative' one; it's just a matter of focus and degree. a character is light-hearted and comedic? they can never take things seriously, even when they really should. a character is willing to do anything to protect the people they love? so they're violent and threatening and scary if they happen to decide you're something that they need to protect against. etc. i was really dedicated in this to bringing out the worst characteristics of everybody's personalities.
mikey was also very deeply inspired by: all the garbage progression fantasy stuff i've been reading. i've complained about this several times on this very blog, but a constant theme in most progression fantasy is 1. the main character will constantly get more and more powerful and 2. the main character will never really have their relationship with the rest of the world changed via that power. it's just stat-ups. they just have higher stats so they're more powerful. mikey is the most powerful person on the planet and it's fucking ruining his life. he knows that there's nobody capable of actually checking his behavior, & he's in this constant state of thinking he's maybe a few bad days away from murdering half the planet and incredibly aware there's not really anything he can do about that aside from constantly worry. he's kind of an anxious mess.
mikey absolutely thinks it's more ethical to murder somebody out of the sheer glee of seeing people crushed before you than murdering somebody for something as tedious as mob orders. you're satisfying a deep, raw desire felt from the heart! that's good!
what he'd like to do, in some sense, is just hang out in his studio and chill with other artists, but he knows the world is not gonna let him do that. things will come up. a lot of his being a creepy bystander thing while people get murdered is b/c he's very much formulated his morality to be like... it is not his responsibility to fix other people's problems. other people will do what they want and that has no bearing on him. is that a pretty cowardly and self-serving morality? sure! but he was kinda designed to rule the world & his flinch away from that pretty much defines him as a character in this. that's kinda the morality he needed to end up on to convince himself not to be a genocide machine.
he's incredibly aware he could basically be a superhero, & all it would take is... giving up on all his hopes and dreams and constantly engage with his abilities. and being a superhero isn't that many steps removed from living up to his full design spec and just taking over the world and ruling as god-emperror. idk how well i hit all those notes in the actual fic, but, that's what i was going for. mikey as the narrator clearly doesn't want to talk or think about it so it's never really directly confronted.
raph is... okay so i guess a fairly common piece of fanon, for rise especially, is to characterise raph as having multiple personalities? whether that's him just having alters or him having full-blown MPD depends on the fic. my fun little nod to that is that he's kind of a disassociative mess. he has kind of failed to reconcile the disparate aspects of his personality and he switches between one of several different facades depending on the situation. also, you know. the trauma.
(i didn't really mean for it to be as such, but there is this theme in the story about names? despite everything else mikey has a crystal-clear self-conception of himself and has one name, which he gave himself. raph, who has kinda failed to build his own personality, has a collection of name other people have given him, none of which he feels actually fits him. donnie has a more fluid self-identity and also has roughly a million aliases and false identities & constantly slips in and out of character when it's convenient. leatherhead still going by the name mikey gave him goes hand-in-hand with that bit where mikey meanly thinks about how maybe leatherhead's entire self-conception is hung up on something mikey said to him once, etc. this is one of those things that i'd go back and make more present if i did go back and clean up the rough draft, b/c as it is it's there, but it doesn't really do a whole lot.)
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this fic was inspired by... i had read a few big aus that were just like, taking the characters and loose bits of setting and going off in completely different directions. some of NeiNing's aus were a definite influence, plus like, this one au where raph is an ex-con mechanic, etc, etc. just like "i am going to play out a completely unrelated drama using turtles as the dolls". maybe most directly influential was Of Knights and Thieves, where donnie & mikey are corporate espionage hacker/thief types and raph & leo are do-gooder vigilantes. the original concept for this was much more heavily focused on the art forgery. in a very early draft the idea was leo would get involved much more actively in trying to track down the creator of the false takenobus. then i was like, "i am going to crash a completely separate story concept about the dark armor into the side of this art-forgery story". the filename for the story is still 'lol grindr hookup art thief'. that is not really where the story went.
oh man, the art stuff. i made some posts about this at the time! that are now several years old. here's one! i did end up getting a traditional woodcut printing of Tokaido 53 stations, no. 11, Hokone. in a lot of ways doing all the art research was more satisfying and fun than writing the extensive downward spiral that was the latter half of the fic. but, hey, that's life too i guess.
also raph in this is... okay, so, i don't mean this in a mean way. i really liked the fics! but cndrow has written several raph/donnie fics where raph is just like... like a repeated theme in them is raph confessing eternal love & talking about how he's like, mentally planning on them being together forever. on the first date. and sure sure everybody has different tastes; i'm absolutely sure that my interest in guys who are mean leads to some stories that are extremely offputting to some people, etc. but it's like, oh man, raph, please slow your roll a little. if somebody said they were planning our future wedding all of ten minutes into talking to me i would flee the room. & the raph in blinded by the summer sun is very much inspired by that. sadly, i never fully committed to that. originally i even had a line in chapter 9 where slash was like 'please tell me you didn't drop the 'i love you forever' on this guy already' to imply that that was, you know, a theme for raph, but i chickened out and cut it. raph as a kind of rolling series of bad relationships characterized by him falling forever in love w/ his latest crush until the relationship detonates and leaves him not really understanding how things went wrong. but i don't think that's expressed well like, at all. but that ideally should characterize a large part of why he keeps chasing after mikey even well after the point where it would be reasonable to disengage. also to convey some of the downsides of a character believing in true love. it's rough out there in the world.
also thank you tumblr user averyterrible for writing this goncharov post. that was the point in the story where i was like, actually i have been writing raph as way too much of a sad boy. if i want to play in the space of crime drama, there needs to be some crime! he's a yakuza assassin. he needs to chop off somebody's fingers with bolt cutters.
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to me, the central question in the fic isn't really 'will the mikey/raph relationship work out' or 'will mikey succeed in his plans', it's 'why is mikey doing these things'. & i think the leatherhead chunks in chapter 23 finally give enough context to what's going on with mikey to let people answer that? like oh, mikey is a mess.
(lol the initial setup for the early chapters are supposed to give an audience response of like, "oh no, raph has some dangerous secrets" "oh no, raph is a violent yakuza murderer! i hope mikey is going to be okay interacting with raph" "...oh no, i hope raph is going to be okay interacting with mikey")
a lot of the story really is about how... mikey & raph's relationship is in a lot of ways very adolescent? they have not had a lot of prior experience with healthy relationships, and they're trying, but, uhhhhhhh. mikey likes to act like he's so cool and above-it-all and unaffected by things happening, but that's actually just b/c he doesn't really care about most things. when something happens that he genuinely doesn't like he immediately snaps and has a giant meltdown. (we see this once with raph, when mikey has a panic attack and throws up when raph blows him off wrt warning him of bishop, and once with donny about the armor, where mike immediately starts tantruming and threatening to kill himself. mikey is very bad at resolving conflict. he's kind of a brat, actually.)
like every character in this is in some way their worst self. they're all pretty awful people. but they're all also trying to... grapple with their place in the world and try to be better people. to even figure out what 'better' means. this is a story about how 'being a good person' is a constant struggle, not to 'do the right thing', but to even figure out what's 'right'. it's about picking yourself up again after a bad period and going, well, let's keep going. like mikey has a lot of traits but one that i, the author, actually think is fairly admirable is his ability to get back up and keep going after a really bad period. which is funny b/c characterwise that goes hand-in-hand with his callousness. just shrug off all the misery you caused other people, i guess! see above about positive/negative character traits.
(also uh there's another tmnt fic author whose work has a lot of... a Bad Guy is constructed/identified. then helpless children (or teens!) are rescued from him. then the bad guy is ruthlessly & violently murdered. sometimes onscreen, sometimes offscreen. and then it's nothing but chapter after chapter of people being happy and cutesy to each other. and like, i get it. but the, like, recurring theme there of the Bad Guy having done something fundamentally unforgivable that separates from all understanding & mercy, to which the only justice is a violent death, just strikes me as... simplistic. sometimes people do really awful things and part of grappling with that as an adult with an adult moral conceptualization is realizing that you gotta look past your initial reflex to punishment.
or like, mikey's whole childhood in this really fucked him up but a huge part of his identity is him having to form an identity from that. having to make the determination of which parts of him are 'him' and which parts were done to him. lol @ him aggressively and extensively rejecting everything about what draxum made him to do & then blithely being like 'we were engineered to eat humans anyway' as a defense for all the corpse-eating. mikey you just like eating people & have decided that part does align with your self-identity. mikey would really not appreciate anybody being like 'i'm sorry nobody saved you from that' b/c that (to him) would basically be the same as them saying they thought he was fundamentally, irreparably damaged & was going to be forever incapable of being anything other than what draxum made him to be. he wouldn't take it well.)
uhhh what else. i mean there's a lot. fun fact pretty much every time mikey gets mad at somebody else he's hugely projecting. even his pacifism is like... hmm maybe he should have killed draxum. a lot of his talk @ raph about splinter is secretly mikey relitigating his feelings about draxum. oh what's that mikey you think that splinter is only playing happy family b/c he's immortal and he has infinite time to spend humoring somebody's illusions but that when push comes to shove he'll drop all that? gee i wonder if that might apply to any dynamics in mikey's own life. lol at mikey being like "wow red your life is kind of a fucked-up nightmare of weird psychopaths playing like they're happy family" and then two chapters is like "hey come meet my family. we live in my genocidal dad's bombed-out lab and we're treating him like a weird racist grandpa". i kinda wanted something that would complicate mikey just being like "i am a pacifist now and i don't kill anybody"; mikey that's all well and good but like half his inner tension comes from not being sure if he should've left draxum alive. that's kinda the mirror to him debating whether or not actually killing leatherhead would've been better. (in a few years shelldon is gonna go through a period of not wanting to talk to any of them. mikey & donnie are better parents than draxum but that's such a low bar.)
(likewise at the end when mikey is like "this is raph's healthiest relationship so far!" to leo, like, this is more mikey projecting. really the raph/casey relationship was probably better for raph & casey, idk, who can say. but is mikey's relationship with raph the healthiest romantic interaction he's ever had? yes, absolutely. we don't get to see the mikey/leatherhead relationship really up-close and personal but it should be pretty clear that it was pretty awful for everybody involved. compared to that, the mikey/raph is absolutely mikey's healthiest relationship so far. just. low bars.)
lol i am a little concerned that mikey's tendency to monologue, & especially his whole political monologue near the end, will get people to think he's just acting as an author's soapbox. i mean, okay, the little author's note where i'm like "as always, mikey is a perfect role model and everybody should do what he does" was a fun little joke. but, oof, the number of fics i've read where the authors feel the need to loudly and repeatedly disclaim that This Story Contains Things The Author Does Not Condone In Real Life is pretty disheartening. way to have absolutely no faith in your audience. but likie, the part where mikey is pretty much flat-out like, "actually i think my moral framework is whatever is necessary to justify my actions" is meant to be pretty damning. maybe not of mikey specifically as a character, just of, you know. the whole world where that's a pretty common outlook among people with power.
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lets talk about the rape. part of it is that it felt like it would be inauthentic to go through the entire story without mikey seriously violating one of raph's boundaries. part of it is that mikey here kinda has the trifecta of ASPD, ADHD, & bipolar, and the thing with that is it's very easy to just say that but a little more difficult to convey the personality traits involved. this isn't really something ever stated as such in the fic, aside from various people calling mikey crazy + raph calls him a sociopath once. it's kind of too didactic to just flatly state "and this is what's wrong with mikey!" imo. but. this is a story about violent people. imo you can't just gesture to a character with the background level of callousness for the genre and go "okay this is a clinical sign"; you kinda gotta do something more direct. 'wow mikey sure is CRAZY and WEIRD good thing it only shows itself as him being slightly mean to people'. no. mikey has done some pretty horrible things in the past and clearly isn't fully done with that.
(i did pretty much go straight down the list of symptoms there. impulsive, suicidal, aggressive, violent, risky sex, arrogant, limited empathy, no regard for other people or social norms, difficulty with relationships, arson, etc, etc, etc. but it's not like he's a 'realistic' portrayal here, since... i mean, he is a super-powered ninja. there's a level of 'superficial charm' here but we do get enough of mikey's interiority to be able to tell he's a total mess in a way that's not particularly constructed.)
also it's like. raph graphically tortures several people to death & i didn't really feel the need to disclaim that here. murder is usually seen as a lesser crime in fiction than rape. people love their violent blorbos but the second there's the implication of sexual violence people freak out. the usual line people say is that the threat of murder is a little more removed for most people than the threat of rape, which idk if i fully agree with. but part of it is also to draw a line between raph's violence and mikey's boundary violation. like mikey says, well, raph tried to non-consensually murder him a few times too.
anyway i don't think i really stuck the landing with that either, in part b/c raph's response to it. he's a little too pathetically accepting of things at the end instead of being angry + violent. that could use a rewrite or two.
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honestly i'm kinda sick of this story now? which sucks a little, since i kept realizing things about the story all the way up to the very last moment of editing. if i had waited to post any of this until i was done with the first draft... well, it'd be a very different story if i went back and turned this rough draft into something more complete. i never really did manage to hit the character beats with raph i was hoping to. oh well. like, i still like it. but i can definitely see all of its weak points. i guess that's just part of the process of writing. it'd be worse if you wrote a giant novel and came out on the other side not more aware of your failings as an author.
i feel like raph isn't super well-realized in terms of character motivations. or... his relationships aren't shaded in as well as they could be. if i were redoing this whole thing i'd definitely include some chunks of raph pov just to lay out more concretely what he's doing & what his life is like when he's not in the same scene as mikey. i kinda included that raph+donny conversation at the very end just for jokes, but actually ending every chapter with a little section of non-mikey pov would've helped ground a lot of the characters. raph isn't super well-developed and leo is pretty much incoherent absent external familiarity with his character's deal. they're not conveyed super well, in part because, well, any time mikey is onscreen everybody is having to deal with mikey. it's a problem.
but something that absolutely could have worked as a secondary narrative to the story is the whole thing with raph working w/ the oroku. that was a bit of a late addition to the story. it's meant as a reference to, you know, all the times raphael ends up being compared to/assuming the mantle of the shredder in the comics. but as it is since we don't get any real looks into exactly what's going on in yakuza town when mikey's not around none of that got developed very well, imo.
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it was very important to me that mikey not learn any lesson here. where things are at in the end are pretty much the exact same as where they were in the beginning. the bit in the pizza scene where he's like 'you guys get to live and i get a boyfriend' is very accurate. literally the only change in mikey's life through this entire thing is that at the end he is in a relationship w/ a guy who he can tell some of what his life is like to. not that it's a super healthy relationship, but it is there.
well, that, and also now he's maybe out of time. (uh, so the laughter at the very end of the epilogue is mikey realizing he's out of time. the whole epilogue really is about how he's got all these conflicting tensions of who-knows-what in his life, & then right in the middle of the tension it's like, whoops, the utrom aren't coming in 10 years or 20 years, they're coming now. and in a week you're gonna be getting some really pointed questions about how you know the utrom envoy. and in a few years, well, there's gonna be some planetary evacuation) like the whole story is about... anxiety. mikey feeling the weight of the future on him in every moment. actually seeing things collapse would be a relief; you'd get the release of all the potentiality collapsing into an actual problem. the moral of the story is you get what you get and in the end all mikey's actions, good or bad or otherwise, have bought him is nine more months of ignoring his problems.
anyway sorry to all the tmnt fans who were expecting a happy cheerful mikey/raph story. this is actually about the fundamental injustice of existence. whoops!
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Happy sts!
Pick a main character. They just got dropped into the world of the last show or movie you watched. Are they fucked or having fun?
My latest show has been Dungeon Meshi (it's so good guys, you should all give it a watch), so yeah, let's give it a whirl! It shouldn't be too different, since both that and my setting are vaguely dnd inspired fantasy.
Izjik would thrive in the dungeon. My selkies are mainly carnivores, so she'll eat anything that's bloody and wriggling. She would be lost when it comes to most of the magic though.
Sepo would also do well in the dungeon. He'd probably have a very methodical method to dungeon crawling and can eat monsters without issue.
Twenari would be excited to learn to cook monster food and she'd be intrigued by (rabid to learn about) the different magic system. The dungeon conditions would probably wear on her, but she could suffer through.
Djek would get eaten by a mimic. Sorry to say, the man can't resist free treasure. But this is Dungeon Meshi, so I guess he could be brought back.
Astra could handle the dungeon, but she would definitely be fighting to rule the place by fulfilling the prophecy. She thinks she'd do a better job than the island lord.
Mashal is/was a knight, so he's used to living rough. He can't eat, so the monster food wouldn't be a problem and he can't sleep, so neither would the hard floor. The only issues would be the water levels because he's made of metal.
Ivander would lose his fucking mind if he had to live in the dungeon. Eating weird critters? Sleeping on the floor?? He'd rather die. He probably would die to some monster or another because he's so sick of the place he'd forget to pay attention.
Elsind wouldn't enjoy the dungeon, but she could make due. Their sense of taste is funky anyways, so the food wouldn't be a bother. I think they'd actually be pretty good at handling traps.
Avymere would go into the dungeon thinking they could conquer it easily, only to be smacked upside the head by the gritty realities of dungeon crawling. What do you mean they can't bathe every day? How atrocious!
So yeah, some good, some bad. Mostly, it's just Ivander freaking out over sleeping on the floor, but that's warranted in his case. Thanks for the ask!
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The Rustle of Leaves
Human female x forest guardian
Chapter 4-What is there to say
The drive was quiet, Vanessa lost in her thoughts. No music playing, not even the radio buzzing away. She could only push herself to get home. Simple questions mumbled to herself.
But why?
What does he want?
What even is he?
What did he mean by it is up to me?
Have I made a drastic mistake?
Why me?
What have I done?
Just circular thoughts. Before she realized it, her keys were in hand standing before her door. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. The moment she reached for the door it swung open. Sandra Baker stood at 5 foot 6 inches, Light brown skin, a purple bob with a side part, several piercings on her ears and tattoo on her forearm holding the door, matching the one on Vanessa.
Sandy goes to yell, but once she sees the state of Vanessa she can only cry again. “Come on Cheeks, please don’t say I look that bad?” Vanessa walks into her apartment, moving Sandy out the way to look in the mirror. Blood had dried across her forehead and eyebrow, with small trails down her chin and neck. “Oh fuck me that looks bad,” vanessa turned back to sandy, the girls desperately trying to wipe tears away. “I am sorry, Sandy,” Vanessa swept the girl into a hug, “I promise to be more careful. I never meant to worry you.” Vanessa also began to cry, the stress of her encounter, the unknown consequences, and seeing her best friend worried to tears. It was all too much to hold in.
“What happened Van? Do we need to take you to the hospital?”
“No, apparently I’m fine. Mostly scrapes, and everything looks worse than it actually is.” Vanessa sighed, “At least that's what the rangers said.” The rangers being Ten. Fuck what can I even tell her? Can I tell her anything at all?
Sandy could see the cogs spinning away in Vanessa’s head, a deep sense of worry filling her chest. “Vanessa what happened?” Sandy asked sternly.
The hair on the back of Vanessa’s neck stood on end. “How dare you use my government name? Who am I to you?” Sandy crossed her arms, Vanessa’s jest utterly disregarded.
”Ugh I don’t know what to say.”
“Say anything at this point, Vanessa?”
“Stop saying my name like that! Gosh its just,” Vanessa looked for any excuse she could use. She wasn’t sure she could say anything, let alone if she should. She doubted Sandy would believe her. Probably think she definitely had a concussion and rush her to the hospital. “It's just that I feel bad for rushing out of there so soon. I didn't properly thank them for saving my life. I feel like I should go back.” Not a lie exactly, Vanessa did feel bad for rushing away, but also she needed to go back. She had so many questions to ask, particularly in relation to this stupid deal she made.
“Well you are not going back alone.”
“Sandy, it's fine.”
“Nope. Not a negotiation. I will go with you. I’m not working next weekend, we can go together. We can even bring a thank you gift. Baked goods or some shit.” Sandy pushed behind her, “No go get cleaned up while I order food. You look like shit and I’m hungry.” Vanessa hugged Sandy and gave her a peck on the cheek before heading to the bathroom. Now that she could finally see herself in full, she really did look awful. Covered in muck and mud, scratched all over her legs, face and arms.The wound on her head had soaked her jacket,and blood had also dripped down the arm of her jacket, a bit splashed on her shorts. Well the magic tree man said I should be fine, if that fucking mens anything. Vanessa picked up her phone and snapped a picture. A day to remember I guess. Oh I should warn the others. Showing up to school tomorrow will be easier if some people know.
She went to the “x-men” group chat skimming past all the new messages. Storm- Just a warning for tomorrow, I look like hell. I’ve been through hell. So don't freak out tomorrow.
Cyclops- Yeah yeah. Dramatic as always. Your bad day is still a good day compared to others.
Wolverine- Drink more water. Your hangover shouldnt be that bad.
Permafrost- I hate to agree but they are right.
More messages came through giving the same sentiment. Levels of disbelief and down play. “Well if they don't want to believe me.”
Storm- picture sent
Vanessa set her phone down as her notifications went wild. “Time for a shower.” She was indeed dramatic. Her body stung and ached all over. The heat of the shower acting as both a blessing and a curse. She hoped that she could wash away the grime on her body and the memories from her mind, even if just for a moment.
Ten left the rangers office and went back into the forest, his mind abuzz. The day had been significant for him. He hadn’t planned for that deal to be made, truly. He really only intended to lead her to safety. But he couldn’t help but admire her bravery, not just another lamb led by fear. She was definitely afraid he could smell it on her at the time, but she used her head. He enjoyed the look on her face in those moments. The defiance in her stance, the anger on her face, she was ready to fight for her life. Ten admired her in that moment, he couldn’t help but talk to her and see how far it would go.
It was worth it in the end.
Ten angled himself in the branches and looked to the stars before he closed his eyes. “Vanessa Mae Carthwright,” her name like a prayer on his lips. He imagined her face again. Back to the moment she was in his arms, the softness of it when she finally let her guard down, brow no longer furrowed. Even as she wagged her feet to be set free, it brought a smile to his face. His heart raced as he remembered the feel of her skin, her hands gripping his arms, the closeness of her. She was so soft and plush against him, but she was also warm. Warmth was not something he often got alone in the forest. He would see her again, whether she came back to him or he had to hunt her down, he would see her again. He would experience the magic that was her again.
#A shorter in between chapter#I'm writing so many things at once lol#Honestly I should just post the other stuff too get it out of my head#feel free to ask questions#I half ass edit things so may need to clarify#writing#monster boyfriend#monster lover#monster fucker#forest monster#monster#monster romance#monster x human#writing for my own satisfaction#writers of tumblr#writers and poets#writeblr#writers on tumblr
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I hope my presence here hasn't been just me complaining, cause I haven't dedicated myself to art in a while lol I am Burned Out... I don't like being a negative presence
in the Positivistic sense not in the new age sense? you know? not pretending to be happy when things are bad, I want my presence to be pulsating with life even if I'm sad or angry or numb. I try not to fall into negation. Most millennial humor I grew up with is this kinda ironic 'haha I'm so depressed 🤪' thing I just don't vibe with at all. I like feeling all my feelings. If I'm depressed and numb to it all then good, lets explore that. If I'm lost and aimless then good, let's be aimless and see where this can lead me to. I want to feel the full breadth of human experience and not live life negating it. I want to reflect on what I'm doing I want to create new things! Work with the world and not despite it
but unfortunately cause I'm totally lost at sea rn this means my posts are lacking and so the internet "persona" ends up being only someone who complains. That's not where I'm at. I don't even know if this makes sense to other people who can't see my brain, am I even making sense. Anyway
I am experimenting with a lot of things art-wise to get my groove on. I've bean reading a bunch. I've been lifting weights which is turns out is super fun and I should've started ages ago. Like I didn't believe the gym could be fun, I thought people were just faking it but it turns out like. It's just self expression like any other activity. And I love to see number go up. And I love making that face you do when you're lifting heavy weights you know the one? And grunting. It's very freeing to just be able to do that. Like all my life I've been bogged down by thinking the gym is for assholes and that I should try to do the Normal Sports that I honestly fucking hate. I hate ball sports. I don't understand swimming as a sport you're trapped doing laps in that freaking pool it's the most boring sport of all time. Sure I liked thinking about nothing and swimming but laps in a pool?? Devil invention. Running is kinda the same although you can run interesting places and aren't trapped in a blue rectangle. Just do the sport you actually want to do. Go to a fight club idk. Learn to kickbox. Punch some stuff. Do push ups, I love doing push ups.
What else? I've been walking my dog for 2hours every day late in the afternoon and getting to hang with his friends at the dog park. He isn't very friendly but he's also not aggressive so it's mostly chill. He's made a friend named Draco Malfoy (she made sure to tell me it was her kid daughter's idea) and everyone calls my dog Sirius Black cause he's got black fur and is, and this is the technical term, giant. Kind of annoying that Harry Potter is still the main thing people go to to describe him. Except for one security guard who I thought was gonna say he looks like Sirius but then said he looks like Sam from Twilight. This was an awesome day
I've been trying to sew and mend my clothes. I replaced the buckle in my bag cause it was broken and I feel kind of amazing about it.
I've been writing some stuff. All unfinished yet. I want to see if I can finish the short story I've been trying to work on besides the Les Mis scripts. I have trouble finishing things I write, which is a problem that, if AO3 is any indication, is probably the world's most common roadblock in writing.
Went to the satanic themed goth club on good friday, that was so fun. We had a blast. Place was PACKED. All goths have the same sense of humor.
I guess that's it for life stuff. I do feel kinda bad that I can't get myself to make fanart right now. I'm just having thoughts on the nature of art and of fanart and the impact of it on the world as a whole. And particularly thoughts on social media and the internet and what it even *is*. What is it for? We really need to work that out.
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💝 Gifts To and From💤
Shōta Aizawa x Gender Neutral Reader Part 3 2 1
I really enjoy do these and this time it’s for Aizawa! I took a different approach this time. A more emotional one that I hope makes sense. Leave a comment or ask for which character would you like next! The numbers above should bring you to the past ones I’ve done! Thank you all for the support! 🤍🌸
Aizawa is not a big fan of presents, like really not into materialist stuff. He has you, Eri, Shinso, his students, and his family- the staff.
If he does buy you stuff, it will probably be more so comfy stuff. Like a wool shawl(or sweeter) for your shoulders on those chilly mornings you go outside with Eri. Trying to help her escape from a nightmare. He’s caught you wrapping her up in it too, having Eri lean into your side while you both sit on the front steps. You calmly tell her about the stars and planets till she’s able to fall asleep peacefully.
Or maybe he’s buying you some sturdy, soft, warm boots for those morning/evening walks you’ll take with Shinso. Where he talks about random stuff in school since he can’t sleep but can’t stand staring at his ceiling anymore.
But he rarely buys you jewelry after the uh incident. Yeah, that ring got returned once he realized he has no real clue what to get you in terms of jewelry.
But Aizawa and your main focus on gifts is not a physical thing, it’s a concept. It’s time. Good quality time. His life is mostly hero work and his students. It’s a gift to have time with you. And you him. Even if it’s just the two of you reading. Or having your legs over his own, while you both do your own thing on the couch.
He’s also kinda sentimental: your presence in his life is his favorite gift.
He finds it to be a gift whenever you get an actual gift for Eri. That melts his heart more than anything. To watch you care so much for his daughter- for Eri. When you come home, holding a new doll or a candy for Eri. His heart damn near melts.
He loves to watch you sit down with Shinso and just chat. Or watch him play games. He knows you know a secret about some lould blonde his son- Shinso has told you.
His favorite memory is of you learning new braids for Eri. But you wanted it to be a surprise so you didn’t practice on her, instead, you practiced on him. He would sometimes come into school with very intricate braids. Strands of his black hair sticking out every which way. But damn was it worth it for you to just play with his hair.
His students call you the Weaver FWI. And they freaked the fuck out when they first heard of your existence.
Your Home Screen is of him and Eri with matching braids. Her bright smile seemed to be brighter than the sun. In the background is Shinso, holding one of the cats up to the camera with a lazy happy smile.
You get him books, and pens and you help patch him up and take care of the bruises he comes home with. You look for tea to help with his stress and pain when you can.
You two don’t look for random stuff, just stuff that can help each other life better in your crazy world. Sometimes gifts can be books and other times just essential items.
You both have gotten each other bandaids- for the sole purpose of being used on other people.
And you both love that fact.
#bnha headcannons#bnha x reader#bnha fanfiction#shōta aizawa#aizawa shota x reader#aizawa fluff#aizawa x y/n#eri bnha#mha shinsou#hitoshi shinsou#bnha fluff#💝Gifts To and From💝
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First nap I take after finding out the replay situation, the horrorterrors start whispering. Promising me they can fix this, let us out, get me and my session to the real Ultimate Reward. They just need me to permakill our Scouts first. Massive red flags all round, obvs, I’m not gonna start offing folks because a glorified sleep paralysis demon said pretty please, but like… is this a new development in the squiddly playbook or do they give this shpiel to every Derse dreamer that finds out how fucked things are? I couldn’t find anything about it but half of what I found on horrorterrors was illegible so for all I know it’s a whole thing.
The Others are capable of accepting and making bargains. The Replayernet as a whole only exists because some ingenious players made deals with the Others to host servers in the Furthest Ring which can connect to any other Session (hence Ringserver). There's other bargains that can be made as well. Ringjourneys (like what I'm on) are probably the most common, followed by players attempting to make "dark pacts with alien gods for ultimate power" and then they just max out their corruption. The Ultimate Reward, however, is outside of their ability. People have tried, and it always ends in tragedy.
This is, I think, a mostly standard procedure. I didn't experience this, but the Noble Circle can be proactive when they sense desperation. When players find out that their session is doomed to failure, the Others are either the first ones to reach out, or expectantly waiting, as though they knew any contact would be inevitable. So it's not a stretch to imagine that, if you really aren't jazzed about the idea of eternal replays or didn't get a let-down pep talk from someone who's been around the block a couple of times, they might start trying to reach out.
That being said, in reports on encounters with the Others I've read before, they typically make no illusion of the fact that they can't do anything to help you with regards to the Ultimate Reward. Not even a trick like "you pay the cost and then I reveal that it was impossible because I'm an asshole genie", they just self-assuredly communicate that this is impossible and tell you to think of a different bargain. So there's three possibilities as to what's going on here.
You're being contacted by an Other who is an asshole genie, and is trying to trick you. The Noble Circle is composed of individuals, weird as they are, and it stands to reason that you got contacted by one of the meaner ones who is indeed trying to fuck you over.
You're being contacted by an Other who is an asshole, but not a genie. Derse is close to the Furthest Ring, and they can get closer during an Eclipse, so I imagine they're trying to entice you to draw closer so one of them can just grab and eat your dreamself, which will deal severe corruption to your realself. By the way, they can do that, stay inside during Dersite Eclipses.
That's not an Other. There's loads of reasons why you should be panicking now, but consider that the Others are at least semi-eldritch. I don't doubt that you're hearing some whispering, but a lot of this could be a product of your fragile psyche rationalizing the lovecraftian white noise combining with you being freaked out of your mind about the prospect of forever replayers. De-stress, eat some healthy food and drink water, get a good night's sleep. If the whisperings persist, check for possibility of psionic underlings, Dersite Special Agent trickery, or cross-session communications from some prick pulling an unfunny prank. If the whisperings persist, it's one of the above bullet points. Respond by going outside of your Dream Spire (NOT DURING AN ECLIPSE), raising double middle-fingers to the yawning void, and making crude jokes and aspersions relating to kalamari and anime hentai.
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Union - Chapter 8
Casa Werewolf Series #8
Chapters 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
Pairing: Javi Gutierrez x Werewolf Single Mom f!Reader
Summary: Before you and Javi can progress in your relationship further, you have to say a goodbye
Warnings: we’ve hit lime territory folks, sexual foreplay (but no written full sex/smut), nudity, sexual arousal, language, minor alcohol use, mention of post-pregnancy body changes, mild spoilers for TUWOMT, parental anxiety, panic attack, grief over the loss of a spouse
Words: 3.3k
Your extremities are tingling with adrenaline as the question “Does the paparazzi take pictures of you?” comes out of your mouth.
Oh god, oh god, oh god, have there been photos of you? Your children? Could someone out there be looking into your family? Somehow discover your secret? Why did you ever think you could date a billionaire? Especially one with an actor brother? You never even considered the paparazzi!
What the hell is wrong with you? How could you let your hormones just take over and throw all sense out the window? Now you’re falling in love with a man who can get your family killed!
Your Wolf claws at your chest, a torrent of rage, fear and hurt over how this could actually be the end of everything you’ve worked so hard to create.
“No, no; no paparazzi,” Javi’s saying, his hands cupping your face as he looks into your eyes. “Hey, you’re okay. Focus on me and breathe. You’re safe. They’re safe. Just breathe.”
His touch and his words break through the panic and settle the Wolf a little. Realizing your irises are probably yellow, you close them and focus on inhaling through your nose and out your mouth.
He wraps an arm around your middle, murmuring, “Keep your eyes closed. I’ll find us somewhere to sit.” And he quickly guides you out of the queue and down the sidewalk, occasionally saying, ���Perdón,” to anyone you cut in front of.
The way he uses quiet assertion to get you elsewhere further calms you. Soon, you’re seated on a bench. He sits next to you, the comforting warmth of his hip and thigh against yours.
“Is this better?” Javi asks, lightly stroking your arm.
“Yeah,” you exhale, opening your eyes. “Are they normal?”
“Close enough. I am so sorry about the tabloid. I should have warned you that you might see him on them sometimes. But they don’t care about me. I mean, a few years ago I had some success with a movie script of mine, but that died down pretty quickly. And it taught me that I prefer being behind the scenes instead of the spotlight.”
You hug yourself, visions of a photo of your family in the newspaper still haunting you. “They’re good at their jobs and you might not know they’re following you!”
His expression and voice are gentle. “As flattered as I am that you think me worthy of following, I assure you that nobody cares about me around here except that I employ many of people in my company and occasionally throw a great party. You and me, we’ve gone out and about multiple times, but have we ever once been approached by someone who seemed the least bit interested in us?”
“I guess not…” That does reassure you. And the Wolf reminds you that it’s unlikely someone could stalk you without her notice.
“Mi luz, I value my privacy and safety very highly, and I value you and the niños’ even more. I swear, I would not put you in a situation where people would be taking photos of you, even at your most human.”
Of course he wouldn’t. He’s bent over backwards to make you and the children safe and comfortable.
Embarrassment floods you as you realize just how much you overreacted. He must be so tired of dealing with your freak-outs.
“Fuck, I’m sorry,” you moan, covering your face with your hands. “I panicked. Again.”
His lips press against your temple. “Of course you did. It’s what’s kept you alive all these years, being hyper-vigilant. I don’t blame you for worrying. And, when David does come to the island, he’s mostly ignored because everyone around here thinks of him as my little brother.”
There’s a twitch of a smirk that can only come from an older sibling one-upping the younger ones, and it makes you laugh a little. “No wonder he doesn’t live here, with that kind of chain around his neck.”
Javi hisses in mock pain. “You’re as vicious as Tallulah.”
It’s your turn to smirk. “She has to get it from somewhere.” You lean your head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“For what? My family nearly giving you a heart attack?”
“No,” you smile. “For not being angry with me for my reaction. And for helping me get somewhere less crowded so I could calm down. It’s been a really long time since I could trust someone to do that.”
He nuzzles your hair with his cheek. “I’m honored to be that person.”
It’s then that you register a thought you had in the midst of your anxiety. As you consider it, the feeling spreads through you and your Wolf. Beautiful, terrifying, foreign yet familiar: the beginning of love.
- - -
It’s so easy to integrate Javi into your lives. Over the next several weeks, a routine develops that causes everyone in your family to flourish.
You and he do regular day dates while the children are at school, talking, eating delicious food, and kissing every chance you get. He even gives you a peek into his Nicolas Cage shrine, which is somehow endearingly disturbing.
Often, he comes for supper to spend time with the children, and, every Friday, he has you all over for a pizza and movie night.
Making frequent visits to Javi’s home, you get to know his core staff. Nina, the cook, is a warm grandmotherly figure, always making sure your insatiable children have plenty to eat. Reina, the head housekeeper, is infinitely patient when a wild moment causes a mess. The head of security, Placido, made you nervous at first, his dark eyes always watching. But, thankfully, there are no werewolf incidents and he turns out to be incredibly sweet behind that intimidating exterior.
Possibly your favorite part of being with your new boyfriend is watching him with your babies, both in human and Wolf form. He’s got great parental instincts, knowing how to both encourage and redirect. They thrive under his attention.
He gets to experience every phase of the moon, from the wild full moon, to the quiet new moon when your Wolves sleep and your energy is lower, and then back to the full moon.
There’s a second stay at the safe house. The pups don’t catch anything these nights, either, but they’re getting closer and you’re so proud of them!
As much as you desire to be sexually intimate with Javi, you’ve needed time to get used to being romantically involved with another man before becoming too physical. You’re grateful for how readily Javi goes at your pace.
It’s during the next new moon, as you sit with the quiet of the sleeping Wolf, that you understand how to take the next step.
You lift your favorite photo of Ivan off the wall, all three little babies cradled in his arms, and sit down with it. You lightly trace the planes of his beloved face with the tip of your finger.
“Hello, sweetheart,” you murmur. It’s been a long time since you’ve talked aloud to him like this. You always feel a little bit silly, and comforted, too. “I’ve met someone. Javi. You’d like him. He’s warm and sweet and funny. And a human.”
A beat of silence as a complicated mixture of emotions threaten to overwhelm you.
“I never thought I’d feel secure again after you died. Or able to love another man,” your voice cracks. “But I feel safe with him. And I love him. He’s so solid and accepting. The kids adore him and he has already stepped up as a father.”
A lump forms in your throat, only easing when you let yourself cry. “I’ll always love you. And it’s time for me and our babies to start a new chapter.”
The cleansing tears last for a long time. When you’re finally empty of them, you feel much lighter. A weight you hadn’t realized you were carrying has lifted.
You’re returning the photo to its rightful place on the wall when your cell rings. It’s Javi. Smiling, you answer, “Hey, Javi.”
“Are you sick?” he immediately fusses, hearing the roughness of your voice.
“No,” you sigh, sinking back into the chair. “I needed a good cry.”
“Do you want me to come over? I can bring you food. And I’ll pick up the children from school so you can rest.”
Closing your eyes, you smile, loving how he wants to help. “I'm all right, but thanks. Stay on the phone with me for a while, though?”
“Of course. Tell me what’s made you upset.”
“I’m not upset, exactly. I was telling Ivan about you. And saying a new kind of goodbye to him.”
Javi hums gently, letting you know he’s listening.
“Now that you’ve come into my life, it was time for me to give myself permission to make room for you in my heart. I know that he wouldn’t have wanted me to be alone for the rest of my life. Hell, he’d probably be upset I waited as long as I did. But… I think I was waiting for you.”
“I was waiting for you, too,” he says certainly. “And it’s well worth it.”
You close your eyes, letting his words wash over you like a sweet breeze.
“We still on for supper and a movie at my place tonight?”
“A low-key, comfy night is exactly what I need.”
“And you shall have it!”
Javi keeps that promise. Takeout pizza in the media room to watch The Croods. Surprisingly, it wasn’t Javi’s choice, despite being a Nic Cage movie. It was Tallulah’s turn to pick.
All five of you pile on one of the big, leather sofas. Javi on one end, you on the other. Astrid crawls into his lap about ten minutes into it, snuggling happily against his chest.
The movie’s a hit with the kiddos, who think it’s absolutely hysterical. But it’s a Friday night and the new moon with lots of pizza in their bellies. Not even a funny movie can keep them from falling asleep two-thirds of the way through.
“They are out,” Javi chuckles, lightly patting Bo’s back.
You brush some hair off Tallulah’s temple before kissing it. She doesn’t stir.
"Would it be all right if we sleep here tonight? I'd rather not wake them up too much when they obviously need sleep." It shows just how far you've come in your relationship with him that you don't hesitate to ask.
He brightens. “Of course.”
You and he carry the kids upstairs to a guest suite of rooms. The girls go in one room together since they’re not used to sleeping apart and Bo goes in another. There’s a third for you to use. You wake them up just enough to brush their teeth with spare toothbrushes and explain the situation before they collapse into the beds.
“Would you like to retire, too?” Javi asks as you close the door to Bo’s room.
“I’m not quite ready yet.”
The two of you return to the entertainment room where he pours glasses of wine. You snuggle up to him with a contented sigh. “I think, if you’re comfortable, I’d like to tell them about us soon. I know it’s only been six weeks, but, as far as I’m concerned, this is going very well.”
Javi gently rubs your neck with one large hand. His expression is pensive, though, which wasn’t what you were expecting. And you have no access to your heightened senses to feel him out.
“You don’t think so?” Nervousness colors your voice. You’d been so sure he’d be happy about this.
He gives you a quick smile. “I think you are everything I’ve ever wanted. It’s just… I don’t know if the niños are ready to hear about us.”
Your heart is returning from your stomach to its proper place, but you’re still surprised by this thought of his. “What makes you say that?”
Blowing out his breath, he shrugs. “During the full moon, when I took Tallulah and Bo here to feed Marci, we had a conversation. You and Ivan came up, and Tallulah seemed very attached to the love her parents had for each other.”
You squeeze his fingers lightly. “It’s sweet of you to be concerned about her feelings. And it’s true that she is comforted by the story. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t tell them, though. We can help them with the adjustment.”
Javi sighs, nodding. “Yeah, I guess.”
It’s not like him to be so wary. “Is that all that’s bothering you?”
Not meeting your gaze, he says, “I’m a little envious of how much she still wants you and him to be together. Which I know makes me a total piece of shit! But I'm scared she’ll never see me as a papa. That none of them will.”
You set down your wine glass so you can wrap both arms around him, compassion filling you. “Worrying about that doesn’t make you a piece of shit, Javi. It just makes you a person. It’s complicated being involved with our situation, even without the lycanthropy. And you have handled everything with more grace than I could have ever dreamed. You’re allowed to have insecurities sometimes, like everyone else.”
“But they’re just little children! It’s not their job to bolster my emotions.”
“No, it’s not. But that doesn't mean they won't trigger you. Welcome to parenthood,” you chuckle as you press a kiss to his cheek. “Look, I can’t promise that they’re going to be okay with us dating. It might be turbulent for a while. But I'm confident they'll come around because they already love you so much as our friend. If you need more time before we tell them, that's okay. I can wait.
He sighs again, leaning his forehead against yours. “I don't want to keep us a secret anymore. Can we come up with what we’ll say first, though?”
“Of course. And we can run through scenarios, too. Lord knows I practice in the mirror sometimes.”
This makes him smile. His rich brown eyes look directly into yours. “I love you.”
A cascade of feelings and sensations explode through your body like fireworks. For a split second, you’re afraid you’re going to bolt or panic, but that reaction passes in another heart beat.
You smile, kissing him softly, before whispering, “I love you, too, Javi Gutierrez.”
Javi radiates with joy, giving you a very passionate kiss. His hands cup your face in the way you adore so much, as if he’s making sure you don’t go anywhere. His solidness, the feel of his skin against yours, the taste of his wine-soaked tongue in your mouth, the growing hardness you feel in his pants, all of it arouses you.
When you both break for breath, you ask, “Could we go to your room for a while?”
“Are you sure?.”
You smile. “I’m sure. I love you. And I’d like the first time with you, a human, to be with me when I’m nearly human. It feels very sweet.”
Javi kisses the end of your nose. “I look forward to exploring all aspects of you, starting with the almost human.”
After making sure the kids are still fast asleep, you go with Javi to his bedroom. He’s quick to put on some mood lighting and music. You unmake the bed. “You have more decorative pillows than any man I’ve ever known,” you tease, piling them on the window seat nearby.
“Ambiance is important,” he says primly.
“I like it.” He cares about everything in his life, from the people to his possessions.
Butterflies flutter in your belly as you begin to remove your top. Will he like what he sees? Will you know how to do it with someone new after all this time?
Javi steps over to you, his hands resting on yours to halt your movements. “May I?” The softness of his voice and the love in his eyes quiet your nerves.
“Yes.”
Slowly, savoringly, he pulls your shirt off. He kisses each shoulder once its bare, his fingers massaging your back. His lips move down the slope of your right breast while he unhooks your bra with a fluid motion. A moan escapes you as he lightly flicks your nipple with his tongue.
Then, both his mouth and his hands move lower. He trails kisses over your stomach, unbuttoning your pants as he does so. He pushes them, along with your panties, down your hips. All self-consciousness about your body goes out the window as he makes love to every curve and stretch mark he can find.
You’re so lost in the electricity spreading across your skin and the heat building inside your core that you don’t register the words he’s saying until he speaks a little louder, “Mi amor, will you lift your foot?”
That’s when you realize you have to step out of your clothes. With a sheepish giggle, you do so, almost stumbling on shaky knees.
He grabs you by the waist. “Are you all right?”
“I’m realizing just how long it’s been since I had sex. And my brain’s scrambling from how good this feels.”
A low, primal sound comes from him. It immediately heats the fire in your belly. “A woman like you deserves to feel incredible things very often.” Taking your hand, he leads you to the bed, where he proceeds to prove to you just how much he means that.
- - -
As you and Javi lay naked together in his bed, you try to recover from the earth-shattering climax you just experienced. Honestly, it could take days.
“The Wolf is going to be very pleased to find out I finally bedded you,” you smirk.
He asks playfully, “Is she?”
“She knew you were mate material the first day we met.”
“I knew I wanted to be with you from that first meeting, too.” He traces a finger along your side, making you squirm and giggle at the ticklish sensation. “What exactly does ‘mate’ mean to werewolves. Is it strictly sexual, or is it more like partner?”
“It means the person you create a life with. Traditionally, marry and have children with.” You try to sound neutral, not wanting to make him feel pressured.
He smiles. “I am definitely mate material.”
Since he seems open to the discussion, you ask, “Do you want your own children?”
Javi hesitates, like he’s afraid he’ll give the wrong answer.
“Be honest,” you encourage. You’d like more pups, but, if he doesn’t, you’re content with the three amazing ones you already have.
“I would, yes. I’d like to raise one from babyhood.”
“In full disclosure,” you chuckle, “if it’s with me, it might be more than one. Spontaneous multiples are extremely common with werewolf mothers.”
He grins. “I could handle twins or another set of triplets.”
“What about quadruplets? Ivan was the littlest of a quadruplet litter.”
His eyes go very wide at this, but then he laughs. “I am up for the challenge.”
You soften, stroking his cheek. “You really are, aren’t you?”
He turns his head so he can kiss your palm. “I was living so small before you came into my life. Now I’m alive with possibilities. Including seven children. Would ours be werewolves if I’m not one?”
“Probably. It seems to be a dominant gene on the mother’s side, so female Wolves in mixed couples often give birth to Wolf kids. When it’s the father who’s a Wolf, it’s not as common.”
“It’s a good thing you’re the Wolf, then,” he purrs. “Because I’m becoming quite addicted to having puppy-children.”
You can’t help pouncing on him again at this statement, entirely turned on by how much he loves all of you.
- - -
Thank you SO much for reading this story; I’d love to hear your thoughts! 🥰
Spanish Translations/Notes:
perdón - excuse me
mi luz - my light
mi amor - my love
niños - kids
Javi Gutierrez Masterlist
Werewolf Masterlist
#javi gutierrez#javi gutierrez x reader#javi g x reader#tuwomt fan fic#javi g#the unbearable weight of massive talent fan fic#werewolf au#werewolf reader#casa werewolf series
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Plausible Deniability Outtake (Ch6)
I've been working through my WIP files and trashing most of them (no worries, most are just random scenes of PD that have already been posted and are just sitting there gathering dust), except I found this section I cut from the end of chapter 6, because it worked better narratively without it, but if anyone was wondering what Alex did directly after bailing on Thomas I thought I'd share:
Alex takes one look at the empty inside of his own hotel room and promptly lets the door slam closed again without even stepping inside, because his throat is tight and clogged and and his chest hurts and his hands are shaking and sweaty and his head is throbbing and he can't breathe and he can't, can't can't sit alone there with just his own thoughts, with nothing to distract him from the confusion he doesn't want to examine.
Alex knows who he is, and what he's good at, and what he's not. He's not good at confusion. He's not got time for confusion. He's not got the energy for confusion. He's not, in any way, prepared for confusion of any kind.
Especially not confusion over Thomas Jefferson, who had no trouble asking Alex to stay, because he's not confused.
This needs to stay simple.
Fuck.
When John's door opens he's wearing sweatpants and his old Columbia hoodie and it's not until he blinks a few times that Alex realizes how much of a fucking mess he must look, hyperventilating in a hotel room doorway, sweaty and probably smelling exactly like what he'd been doing half an hour ago and his chest pulls a little more painfully at the realization that his best friend knows him far too well, is going to have a damn good idea of what Alex is hiding from-
Except John looks him over, nods to himself, and for once, blessedly, doesn't ask.
“You wanna crack open the minibar and get trashed making fun of the bored housewives that buy all the shit on the shopping channel?” he says instead, and Alex nods fervently.
“Fuck yes, please.”
So if anyone's interested in reading my reasoning, writing about writing, because sometimes I'm Alex and just like hearing myself talk, this was originally the closer for chapter 6, except it just didn't feel right. It made a lot more sense in the tone of the chapter to have it end right on Alex leaving (again). This chapter was all about Alex going from fuck-buddy territory to a place where he's realising he's starting to muddy the lines, and this section would have put him fully into starting the *freaking the fuck out about those muddy lines* portion of his development, which is mostly self-contained in chapter 8.
It also did something really weird to the emotional pace of the chapter, like I hyped Alex right up to manic being upset about Will, and then Thomas calmed him right down, and then yeah, he does get a tiny bit agitated again before he bails, but the chapter's over before it really gets going, whereas with this bit on the end, he starts getting really stressed out all over again, and it starts to feel a bit repetetive and rollercoaster-y.
Also it kinda pulled forward John's realisation that Alex was actually into Thomas to way earlier than it should have been, because although I meant for this scene to come off like he was just being an understanding enabler, it easily reads like John is recognising Alex running away from his *feelings*, and so I took it out to avoid that impression, because John's doesn’t really need to realise that Alex has it bad until much later.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed this unnecessary essay. Happy Thursday! :)
#jamilton#plausible deniability fic#deleted scene#fanfiction#John is such an enabler#chapter 6#outtakes#to anyone who saw this before I took the minor spoiler out forgive me#I forget not everyone knows the whole plot like I do hahahaha#sorry
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tng update time!! we're back, baby. sunday we did "the masterpiece society" and "conundrum" and last night* we did "power play" and "ethics."
*by last night i mean earlier tonight, but i'm typing this at 1am and letting it post tomorrow
the masterpiece society: this one was okay. i was very endeared at first to this guy flirting RESPECFULLY with deanna after the ordeal of 3 rape scenes in one episode but then she shot him down and he kept flirting. WILL my misery never cease
that said, i like that picard was nice to her when she fessed up about fucking with him. i am so fond of saying "treat him really niceys" about data but perhaps we should also be treating DEANNA really niceys. instead of raping her repeatedly.
one hilarious detail i noticed about this episode was that they went out of their way to show us a lot of extras in this episode (sometimes we don't even get this many extras in ten forward scenes) and show us that the extras were. diverse. because if the society is "genetically engineered to perfection." and then you only show white people. THAT puts a whole new spin on things. i'm imagining some joker on the production team looking at a shot of mostly-white extras and frantically calling the casting director on the phone
i was EXTREMELY worried when they asked geordi to work with this woman but he was professional the whole time to my huge relief. actually, geordi had a little bit going on in this ep that i really enjoyed - when these "perfect" people kept implying he would have been aborted as a fetus in their society he gave as good as he got EVERY time and his blind ass DID in fact wind up saving all their lives and GOOD FOR HIM!
i dont really get what the big deal is about 23 people leaving = destroying their society. if you can't plann for people being out then it's your managerial skills that need work. also, they were kinda freaks, so maybe they needed to have their little cult broken up. sorry
conundrum: EPISODES FOR MEEEEE. this episode was just like tabula rasa, except this predates tabula rasa, so really tabula rasa is just like IT. anyway, amnesia. i was gleefully rubbing my hands together the entire time
hands down funniest bit was everyone just assuming worf is captain despite the fact that he's bloodthirsty and insane but the second funniest bit was data the bartender. "where's the android?" "serving drinks in ten forward." "[as data speed types] you must have been one hell of a bartender." 10/10 no notes
also his little chess game with deanna!! wah.
actually no the other funny bit was riker lowkey running around on deanna with ro. and i abslutely LOOOVED he and deanna being flirty with each other. it's ABOUT TIME we got some real food. it's been so sexless up til now that all she did was play with his hair a little and we both went bananas
and then the scene at the END? riker more flustered than we've EVER seen him and these two ladies ganging up on him...mwah. 10/10 perfect.
the villain this episode was good. when he first showed up cathy was like who tf is that and i was like idk some rando im sure he doesnt matter but then the computer named him first officer and it was like !!!!!!!!!!!! they tricked me !!! it's a VERY rare day when tng manages to trick me i was so pleased. i do kinda wish they hadn't theo teennwolfed him though (made everyone else a bit dumber to make him seem smart)
power play: deannna was so hot in this episode she should play male characters more often
i really REALLY wish i had been riker deanna and worf that had been possessed. data's not as much fun when he's someone else and not data. obrien could have come too if he wanted though i guess
PLEASE do not tell rosalind chao to shut her baby up. the last time someone told anyone to shut a baby up in a property she happened to be acting in. well. mash fans know. they know.
i genuinely believed those guys were ghosts until the last second. probably because prisoners makes no sense. also, i think prison for 500 years is too much. can we not just let them die
i love when possessed data tried to prove worf and worf was like lol no. he knows data is 10x stronger than him lmao
i wish guinan had been in this episode it's been ages and i miss her
after how tense and fun the beginning was the end and middle of this episode were kind of anticlimactic. still, it was fun and so it gets a pass. more people should get possessed on the enterprise
WHY DO I ONLY GET 4K CHARACTERS PER TEXT BLOCK staff i'll fucking kill you. anyway
ethics: RIKER/WORF/DEANNA IS REAL IT HAPPENED ON MY COMPUTER SCREEN!
ok, first of all, sorry i have to go ahead and get this out of the way before i get to the good stuff, picard advocating for assisted suicide is NNNOT his best look. in fact it's literally such a fucking bad look. actually. uhh tw for talk of suicide here on down
i understand what they were trying to do. they wanted to present both sides of the ethical dilemma here "equally." but there are some problems with this. firstly, in the real world, assisted suicide is for people with like. terminal illness. worf was fine. yes, he was paralyzed, but he was healthy and had the change to regain a great deal of his mobility. so picard already looks like an asshole because he's advocating for a disabled person killing themselves because they "can't" adjust to the loss.
SECONDLY, the use of "can't" was very poorly done here. if picard had said, worf is too stubborn to change his beliefs, he WON'T adjust to this because he will refuse to try, that would be a LOT BETTER than saying "worf CAN'T adjust to this, it's too many lifelong values to change."
and finally, if we really wanted to be "equal" about the debate, it wouldn't be about worf's ability or inability to adjust to being disabled, it would be about his BELIEFS. like his society and heritage, which he cherishes so deeply because he felt disconnected from it for so much of his life. instead picard was just like "worf is way too much of a pussy to do this just let him die lmao"
like he seriously tried to persuade will to KILL WORF. worse, to help worf kill himself!! JUST BECAUSE WORF WAS DISABLED. he even guilted riker about it: "he wouldn't have asked if he didn't know he could count on you." girl what the FUCK
ok anyway, speaking of will: his reaction here was so strong i wonder if he knew someone who'd killed themselves before. NOT that i'm complaining about a strong reaction. FINALLY we are getting some solid worf/riker Content. maybe asking your commanding officer to kill you is romance or whatever. i loved their argument to little bitty pieces. compare to: riker in tears next to deanna's sickbay bed. ooough i am eating. according to the wiki they actually cut a scene of nose-to-nose yelling and i'm mad about it. LET THEM PUT THEIR FACES TOGETHER. give me something to live for
deanna in this episode too. her kneeling by the fallen worf and murmuring "let me help you." her making him talk to his son. him BASICALLY asking her to be his kid's new adoptive parent should he kick it
oh speaking of alexander. he said some really troubling things this episode. such as, "my mom always said klingons had dumb ideas about honor" and "i don't care about being klingon." HIS MOTHER WAS RACIST..............if alexander decides the klingon ways aren't for him that's fine but that should be a choice HE GETS TO MAKE what an insane way to be raised. meanwhile people are out here calling worf a deadbeat and he put aside his suicide plan for alexander specifically
other shocking things about this episode: beverly was sooooo good actually. she was channeling bones energy in her fury and i mean that as the highest possible compliment. that other doctor quite literally KILLED A PATIENT because she's so sketchy and focused on her own glory "oh i need tokeep a professional detachment" YEAH SO YOU DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE. bones would have torn her limb for limb and i'm very glad beverly did too. i just don't understand why she was allowed to like leave the ship and go back to practicing medicine. she should have her medical liscene revoked. was this too also in the name of "both sides" of the debate girl this isn't fox news she KILLED A PATIENT for her own personal gain just space her ass!
the fake-out with worf dying was expected but them faking us out for so LONG was a surprise. i was like how are they gonna get him out of this one and it's literally the klingon anatomy. double of eeeeeverrrything. wow that sure is something. funny that worf has ridges on sooo many places. love that it took until season 5 to see it
also, that surgery scene was GROSS. im not normally squeamish but that little worm thingy they put into him looked awful
devastated there was no worf/riker reunuion at the end but other than that and picard and that other dr lady not getting fired it was extremely good. one of my favs so far i think actually.
tonight: "the outcast" and "cause and effect." i've started spoiling myself w/ episode summaries in order not to get surprised by 3 rape scenes in a row again and ik what both of these are about and im soooo excited for it
#personal#star trek blogging#tng lb#i'm like 10-12 episodes behind on my spreadsheet...oof. i gotta ctahc up soon
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