#I don't care if it's selfish. I want to feel wanted. I want to feel admired. I want everyone to see me and think I'm doing so good | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thepeacefulgarden · 2 days

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Promises you must make to yourself (and keep) when it's time to detach with love

I will stop trying to control anyone but myself.

I will set boundaries with this person, and I will not rescind those boundaries.

I will make those boundaries clear.

I will not give in to temper tantrums, threats, tears, bargaining, guilt trips, or other manipulative tactics. Instead, I will walk away.

I will stop doing things for them that they are capable of doing for themselves, and should be doing for themselves.

I will stop "loaning" them money I know I'm never going to get back.

I will let them be responsible for their own lives, and their own choices, and I will take responsibility for mine.

If it's necessary, I will remove myself and any children and/or pets from the household, and I will get us to safety.

I will prioritize my safety and well-being, and the safety and well-being of any children or pets.

I will not cover and lie for this person anymore.

I will no longer defend or make excuses for their unacceptable behavior.

I will prioritize my needs over their wants.

I will know that I am doing this because I love them and care about them, and I will absolve myself of guilt.

I will cultivate a support system of my own.

I will absolve myself of responsibility for their happiness, their life choices, their behavior, their words, and their responsibilities.

I will regulate my emotions when they try to dysregulate me. I will not lose my cool, no matter how much they agitate me.

If I cannot deescalate them, I will walk away.

I will absolve myself of responsibility for their feelings. I will let them be mad. Or sad. Or whatever else.

I will not bail them out of legal trouble.

I will not bail them out of any other kind of trouble or crisis.

I will no longer give this person second, third, fourth, fifth, hundredth chances they don't deserve.

I will accept that the situation is what it is, and I will stop trying to minimize or deny how bad it is.

I will accept that I cannot change or control them, and I will stop trying to do so.

I will find a sense of meaning, identity, and purpose outside of my relationship with them, or feeling "needed" or "wanted" by them, or anyone else.

I will let them face the consequences of their behavior, and I will absolve myself of responsibility for those consequences.

I will know and understand that I have done my best, and I cannot help someone who won't help themselves.

I will know that, no matter how much they may protest otherwise, I am not being selfish.

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tengufeather · 1 day

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I think Kafka and Silver Wolf don't believe they can love.

And I think Firefly and Blade don't believe they can be loved.

Something that really fucking gets me about the Stellaron Hunters is the weird little ways they all challenge these assumptions about each other. Kafka and Silver Wolf are put into positions where they have to care for and support the others. Where they're unable to be selfish and their happiness is allowed to come from others. Where abandonment might not be a foregone conclusion.

Blade and Sam are able to be treasured for their abilities. For all the ways that they are - broken or no. For who they are and not what they're not. Able to be included and wanted, even though they simply cannot behave like "normal" people.

I have a lot of feelings about it.

#stellaron hunters #kafka #blade #silver wolf #firefly #sam #my thoughts

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bumblingbabooshka · 1 month

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[Tuvok & Janeway: Control, Distance, Duty & Connection.] Sources: St Voyager Transcripts / Mitski 'First Love Late Spring' / Disco Elysium

#web weaving #star trek web weaving #st voyager #Kathryn Janeway #Tuvok #be the change you want to see in the world - make a long post about Tuvok & Janeway's similarities <- angel on my shoulder #I feel like a lot of people see them as 'opposites attract' sort of friends where Janeway is unhinged & Tuvok reigns her in #but in reality I think that while there is that element in there (exacerbated HEAVILY by their delta quad circumstances)#what I see most in their relationship is how they both value loyalty and duty above all and are extremely rigid with themselves #and the people around them. How they both have to maintain distance from others bc of their positions as captain & vulcan #I hate when people dismiss Tuvok as not being remotely interested in Maryana or Noss - it erases an interesting struggle that he and Janewa #both share - their desire to stay loyal to their spouses vs the 70 years of loneliness that that loyalty demands of them #But they BOTH triumph and they BOTH remain loyal (Tuvok until he returns to T'Pel and Janeway until Mark informs her that it's over)#and for both of them it's a little bit insane for them to do that.#Isn't it more interesting that Janeway and Tuvok both have feelings for people other than their spouses but don't give in #to that temptation?#They're both people who live very fastidiously by codes. Either written codes or moral codes - they very rarely if ever do things because #it's what THEY want to do. I'd say they're the least emotion-driven members of the crew and yes I'm including Seven because Seven #has a very...how to describe? It's a blunt and insular selfishness. She does what SHE wants to do and doesn't really care about others.#To me that's emotion-driven. Or...personal desire-driven? Not a bad thing at all but very different from Janeway & Tuvok who #are always more 'this is logical' or 'this is for the crew' rarely do they think 'this is what I want' bc they can't afford to #for different reasons (captain & vulcan)#they both also are in the most 'caretaking' positions on the ship from my POV. Security and Captain - both are directly in charge of #ship and crew safety.#Janeway & Tuvok #star trek voyager #st voy #when I say caretaking I'm NOT saying they're everyone's mom and dad or whatever - I'm saying they're in positions where they always #have to think about the greater good and the crew as a whole and how much danger is acceptable etc etc.#Janeway is always killing herself for the crew but Tuvok is right there beside her

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pa-pa-plasma · 2 years

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bro you are on the FANDOM WEBSITE why are you NOT supporting your fandom creators????? do you WANT us to stop??? do you want there to be no more art & fic?? because that’s what happens when you don’t reblog our stuff. this isn’t a threat, this is a reality. if there is no one here wanting to see our stuff we won’t post it. I’m not trying to guilt trip here, none of us are, we’re literally just saying that if there is no motivation to spend 10+ hours making fanart or 5 years writing a multichapter fic for free then we won’t fucking do it

^this shit? ridiculous. I LOVE EVERYONE WHO REBLOGGED & INTERACTED WITH MY ART! I LOVE EVERYONE WHO ASKED QUESTIONS & COMMENTED!! but so many of these people just liked it & left. this has been getting worse over the years, too. the reblogs to likes ratio has been getting crazier. I create because I love it, but if I have no reason to post, I won’t. fandoms dry up because of this. creators quit because of this.

we just need to stop acting like this is instagram, or that anyone cares what your blog looks like. people don’t see your likes, they see your reblogs. you want that favourite content creator to post more art? you want that writer to post the next chapter of your fav fic?? reblog it. share it. show them you care, because otherwise they won’t. this is a hobby we do for free. you consume our stuff for free. you aren’t entitled to it, so please just reblog, it isn’t hard.

#we aren't asking for money we're asking for you to hit a button #stop being a little bitch #this is tumblr. no one gives a shit about your ''aesthetic'' or whatever #no one even looks at who reblogs what on here #i'm sick of seeing people not sharing works out of spite & acting like wanting attention for our labour is bad #I SPEND 15 HOURS DRAWING YOU BETTER FUCKING REBLOG IT. I'M POSTING IT SO I CAN FEEL BETTER #AFTER SPENDING 15 HOURS HUNCHED IN A SHITTY CHAIR WITH MY WRIST ALL FUCKED UP & MY LAPTOP TRYING TO KILL ITSELF & ME #im not asking to be PAID im asking for you to share artist's & writers' works. we are 99% of the fandom's content #you want more content? fucking motivate us to make it. you are getting it for free. stop being an asshole & fucking reblog it #i'm so fucking tired of people with their cold ass takes #if i EVER like anyone's art & don't reblog it THAT WAS A MISTAKE. I MEANT TO REBLOG BUT TUMBLR GLITCHED OR I RAN OUT OF REBLOGS #i KNOW how hard it is to spend hours days YEARS on something & for no one to care #i am literally just asking for everyone to have some sympathy #like imagine if your employer started complaining about how selfish it is you work for free? that's this #you'd quit that job #YOU CAN'T COME TO THE FANDOM WEBSITE & COMPLAIN THAT FANDOM CREATORS WANT ATTENTION FOR THEIR WORK #EVERYONE WANTS ATTENTION YOU STUPID MANTHING IT CAME FREE WITH YOUR FUCKING HUMAN BRAIN

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solradguy · 8 months

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Whenever I see someone being transphobic on twt in a bridget thread i reply with three pictures of my mains: ky kiske from ac+r, ky kiske from rev 2, and ky kiske from strive.

it self selects for people who actually play the game. it’s canon that he’ll fight off transphobes with the blade. and if they actually played guilty gear they’d get the underlining messages

While it can be really funny to bully these guys back, please keep in mind that nothing you can say or do to these people will hurt them or waste as much of their time as what they say will stick with you or waste your time. It might be funny to send them a bunch of Ky pictures, but what they're doing is laughing that the only response the people they hate can give them is sending a bunch of pictures of anime boys.

The only thing that works is blocking them. They've turned being an asshole into a recreational sport and getting any sort of response in return is a victory for them.

#asks #Unfortunately I was an asshole on the internet once (not a vicious transphobe just a basic internet asshole)#I know exactly how these people function because I was there once...#When you don't take the person you're arguing with seriously it's very easy to laugh at every single thing they do #Which is what these guys are doing. It doesn't matter how well thought out the counter argument is. They don't care and they won't care #All you can hope for is that they're young and they grow out of it (I did)#I feel bad for them because I think about what led to me being like that decades ago. Are they going through the same thing?#I was like that because I was in a hopeless situation and hated myself and hated everyone else #People arguing back just proved my point that everything sucked and my hate was justified #It's an awful feedback loop. People being kind to me felt disingenuous. Why should they be kind? I hated them. They had no reason to be nic #I had to get to a point where I was willing to help myself crawl out of that pit before I let anyone else even get near me emotionally #I still remember the day when I realized I was being a fucked up little shit to everyone lol #Early June 2011. It was sunny with no clouds and there was a cool breeze. I was listening to In This Moment and I realized #'What the hell am I doing? Do I want to be like this forever? Get your shit together man'#It was a slow process from there but I did get out of it. Slowly. Very slowly.#There's a lot I did that I regret and can't ever apologize for because it was so long ago and the names and faces are gone now #Apologizing at this point would be selfish and only for my benefit anyway. I can only hope that what I did didn't hurt people permanently #Anyway. I've never talked about this on here before because it's the kinda shit that gets put on callout posts out of context #So. I am laying my naked soul bare and raw for the sake of underlining my original point: Internet trolls don't care

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spookythesillyfella · 2 days

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" Losing battle of loss "

#hi guyyss X33 #im feeling really really bad :3 #the emptiness is consuming me day after day after day and i don't know how much more i can handle #it hurts to see that all the people i care about have better things to do than talk to me . i don't like being people's last option .#im being selfish . im being a bad person . i know these people have their own busy lives and yet i still choose to feel hurt over the fact –#– they aren't here to talk to me 24/7 #it's even worse since i feel like they're all going to die . or that im going to die #i don't want to lose them . i don't want them to leave without me even saying goodbye . i don't want this to happen again .#*sigh*#anyway #because im feeling so terrible . i decided to make a drawing to feel a bit better #i don't typically vent through art cuz it's really cringe but i guess i feel a bit better #im also trying to write something so i can express my feelings . though i guess it's pretty bad #ill get back on my feet soon though !! i just know it !!#ill get that spark eventually !!#okay #bye-bye #dhmis #dhmis art #dhmis au #high voltage au #dhmis tony #tony the talking clock #dhmis hv tony #tw bugs #i guess ?#pls ignore me

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 23 days

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[pericky; a look into ricky's head during their meeting.]

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"I'm glad you came, I wasn't sure you would." The wine pours, the sound of it drowning out the missing word in that sentence: back.

Of course, is the response, and the part of Ricky that's spent twenty years tearing itself apart to understand why vibrates with relief. It doesn't matter anymore. Of course, of course, he thinks giddily along with the words. He never needed to wonder why Pericles wasn't coming back in the first place; he was always going to.

I'm happy you invited me, and of course he thinks again. A lifetime of pretending he wasn't always going to either falls away. However harsh and lonely the world has been, all's right with it again; and the shy voice of the boy inside him that he's tried so hard to kill says, so quietly, I missed you.

#sdmi #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #pericky #ricky owens #professor pericles #anyway fucking end me actually. lay me down to die #i said i was gonna write more pericky and by fucking god i did #the 'why did you do this to me' to 'oh thank god you didn't actually do this to me' pipeline of abuse folks 🥲#which like. their last conversation is yet another devastating example of ricky finally standing up to pericles' bullshit Too Late #ricky denounces him in the strongest terms he knows; based on his own feelings and opinions and the way he sees the world #(which: even then he can't bring himself to say 'i don't love you anymore')#(the closest he can get is 'i chose you and i can't take it back; the only way i can imagine not loving you is if i never had at all')#and pericles tries to go 'nyeh nyeh whatever i don't care' (and does a real bad job of pretending he is not obviously hurt lmao)#and ricky doesn't try to understand his logic; he doesn't try to reconcile a world where pericles didn't *really* mean to do anything wrong #his response is MAYBE YOU *SHOULD* CARE.#pericles' view of the world and what's right and acceptable are warped and *wrong* and he's the one who needs to get his shit together #'you shouldn't have abused me you shouldn't have killed cassidy you shouldn't have murdered a child in cold blood'#that is MASSIVE and i think it is really telling that pericles' response is to shut him down with force instead of trying to argue any more #and that in the end is the real true fucking tragedy of it all #ricky is making huge strides one after the other to take back his freedom from pericles emotionally #....and materially it makes no difference to improve his situation in the moment; because pericles doesn't have any less power to abuse him #he never has a triumphant moment where he Overcomes His Abuser and Breaks Out of His Control #there's nothing he can do to fight back until pericles is too Literally Dead to control him anymore #it is one of the rawest depictions of the reality of abuse i've ever seen and just. God. i love it so much #(at the same time i REALLY want to explore a version of events where he got the chance to expand further on that growth)#(the 'all witches are selfish; make all things yours; i have a duty' speech from the wee free men comes to mind)#whosebaby makes things #whosebaby writes #SDMItag #dyn: when i die i want you to die too

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asteria-argo · 3 months

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correct me if I'm wrong but I was just thinking about the roykeeley in season two of it all, and that fight where Keeley loses it at Roy for being clingy because she can't handle how close they are now that they work in the same building but like,,, Keeley and Roy would have been working in the same building while dating for a good chunk of season one as well.

She started working at Nelson Road before Jamie was even sent back to Manchester. They would of had months working in the same building, so either Roy has always been that clingy and Keeley just didn't mind at first, which I found doubtful given that it only takes her like a week to blow up at him for it in season two, or Roy being clingy is an out of character thing for him to be doing that should've raised some kind of red flag to friends and loved ones that I feel like from what we know about Keeley as a character would've been treated with more empathy than she actually had in the show.

#i'm going off of memory so this might not be anything #but wasn't one of her complaints that he sat quietly in her office reading when they were on break?#girl how is that being clingy and not just regular levels of wanting to spend time with your partner?#I stand by that Roy wasn't in the wrong for that #I actually stand by Roy not being in the wrong for MOST of his relationship with Keeley #I don't even think he was wrong for breaking up with her #I will not ever view breaking off a relationship you aren't happy in as selfish #and I don't care how much the show tries to make me view him as selfish for it or like he threw something good away #no he didn't #just because Keeley was hurt by being broken up with (understandable reaction) does not mean Roy did the wrong thing by breaking up with he #he looked at the way their relationship was going and saw that he wouldn't be happy if he stayed so he left #and the show tried to frame that as a bad thing #“maybe i should've just stuck around and enjoyed it”#no sir that's not how these things work #staying in a failing relationship just because you don't want to be alone isn't healthy you did the right thing #your career and your love life aren't metaphors for each other #and let me be clear Roy and Keeley were 100% a failing relationship right from the start of season 2 with the fight that inspired this post #keeley's feelings about the breakup aren't more valid then Roy's just because she's the hurt party #and they clearly broke up amicably if Keeley is willing to sit down and tell Phoebe about it with him #she wasn't jilted or wronged in any way and the show framing it like that grinds my fucking gears

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isfjmel-phleg · 2 months

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🤐

#random personal stuff #personal whining feel free to ignore #HOW does one - knowing full well that the boss is out with surgery for the next few weeks #and that someone else is already taking next week off and it's been already arranged for a while #and that there are only two other staff members besides -#HOW then does one decide at practically the last minute to insist on taking next week off for a vacation on a whim #leaving two people as the only library staff for a week #or perhaps expecting the one with existing plans to alter his schedule to suit this whim #I do not understand this and quite frankly I don't think much of it #especially after having a long talk with the counselor this morning about what constitutes being selfish and inconsiderate #(remind me why I pay someone to force me to deal with my feelings twice a month this was a terrible idea)#(I don't want to think about this don't make me we're all better off if I don't answer this week's reflection question)#anyway I already feel like I got something sucked out of me and now this nonsense #imagine living in a world where you could just do. things. like that. to other people. & not care. because you get your fun whim vacation.

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swinging-stars-from-satellites · 9 months

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it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.

#I refuse to be upset at anyone. I have so much love in my heart #but I'm going to pack formal clothes for my sister in my own bag just in case. she doesn't need to know that.#you couldn't pay me to care or to stop caring. it's cognitive dissonance #because I know this won't always affect me but it's my whole world right now #I say I don't care and I mean it but at the same time I care more than anything else #it's actually almost scary how much I relate to dark alley #not in a ''I'm in a mentally dark or dangerous place'' way but in a ''yeah I compare myself to others too much'' way #and then I try to make excuses so it can make sense to other people so they won't think the worst of me #like literally I'm trying not to think about fall but it's right around the corner and I'm. falling into it I guess #pun intended of course. I don't want to lose all my friends #I want to be one of the kids who gets invited to people's houses for lunch after church and I know I never will be #because that's the kind of thing that's only for the kids who are going someplace. not the ones who stay #I'm feeling very selfish and it's probably bc I'm tired lol this happens sometimes #I'm gonna make dinner for my family and then I'll feel better skskskskk #Lu rambles #sometimes I think I could write poetry #I feel like once my vacation is actually imminent I'll feel better I just haaate the point we're at right now #which is like. it's SOON but not THAT SOON so I feel like I can't do anything bc I'm just waiting for things to get going :/

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astriiformes · 10 months

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#i am just so scared that we are going to be stuck in a cycle of relative poverty now due to scribe being sick #like we were doing okay but realizing i'm not going to have enough money from financial aid this year has messed me up #the only reason we were doing okay was because the state was willing to give me money for school. and now they're not #basically entirely because i'm a non-traditional student too #and like what comes next #i want to go to grad school so badly. will it just be more of this?#will i be saddled with so many loans we can never afford to have our own place or feel secure and not guilty for having nice things?#i can't support us both on a student's not-salary #and i'm scared that me going back to school is just permanently screwing us both over now #or alternatively. will i have to give up on my dream so we can live #it was different when she had an income #now i just feel bad and selfish for pursuing something i care about #and like i'm morally in the wrong for not just dropping out and finding work somewhere even if it sucks #i'm so tired. i don't want to be crying about money right now #but here we are i guess

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lloydfrontera · 1 year

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lloyd is so determined to not think of himself as a good person that the king of hell himself can tell him he almost certainly would go to heaven if left to his own devices because he's fundamentally a kind person and lloyd will still say he's self-centered and selfish and doing everything for his own gain five minutes later

like. you gotta admire the commitment at least

#i talk a lot <3 #tged #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #i have no doubts lloyd fully believes this #he really does think he's selfish and self-centered and doing everything for himself #but like. there's only so many times people around you can tell you you're a good person who cares about others. before you gotta consider #that maybe you are indeed a good person who cares about others.#i'm of the opinion that when it comes to doing good things actions are more important that thoughts and intentions #like if you're doing good things because you genuinely want to help and care about other people? that's great keep it up!#but if you're doing good things for your own sake and don't really feel strongly about others? that's also ok and you're still doing good!#and that's sort of what i believe lloyd thinks of himself except. it doesn't hold up to what he actually does and thinks lmao #like when push comes to shove it's been shown that lloyd *will* choose to be kind he *will* choose to help he *will* choose to be good #even when there's nothing for him to gain and no one to impress and sometimes even when it's something that could go badly for him #there's lying to yourself and then there's whatever lloyd's got going on #<- this is all about a webnovel with a giant hamster and a snake who poops steel btw

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thevalkyriewarrior · 5 months

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I hate the feeling of not being broken enough.

Of feeling like there's always going to be someone else who needs attention and comfort more than you

That you're less important because you're holding yourself together better