#I don’t want to put this in the main OP tag bc of just. the amount of context
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how am i supposed to feel
transcript under cut
Killer: Since we're both here... why not make up for lost time? Doesn't that sound nice?
[clench]
Kid: STOP IT! STOP ACTING LIKE THIS!
Kid: You're being so -- WRONG! My PARTNER never said or did anything like this!
Kid: You're skin and bones and covered in scars and thinking of something like THAT?!
Killer: You're hurting me.
Kid: WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?! WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOU?!
#genderbends#ask to tag#genuinely I do mean that#kidkiller#nsft#wano spoilers#one piece spoilers#I don’t want to put this in the main OP tag bc of just. the amount of context#geese art#okay author’s notes.#you can read this as you’d like.#you can interpret it as you’d like.#one of the most horrific aspects of the smile fruit to me is how they remove a person’s ability to be horrified#you cannot express how you are trapped in a smiling cage#but even with that emotions still manage to break free sometimes just from the sheer weight#see: the execution w/everyone from ebisu crying#but w killer he was literally a completely different person#so there was even MORE of a brainwashing aspect to his experience#(yes using he/him bc I’m talking about canon killer)#(did genderbends for this bc it was based on genderbend art)#and so him reuniting w someone who’s known him his entire life#knows everything about him#and being SO different#would’ve been awful for both of them#Kid because he doesn’t recognize his partner#and Killer because he can’t say it’s still me. I promise it’s still me.#literally what happened between udon and the raid that made him calm down#took his normal pills I guess.#anyways that’s my rant
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I saw this post going around and got really curious as to how OP came up with their numbers because I could not replicate them at all.
I was going to reply directly but it was getting very very long and I didn’t want to wade onto someone’s post with a bunch of my own stats bc it seemed rude, so I’m putting my response here.
I’m going to preface this by saying that I’m fully in the camp of “write because you like writing, not for an audience response” because if you don’t like the process of writing, there is no level of audience response that will make writing worth it. But. I’ve seen a lot of folks agonize over Ao3 stats and get stuck in the weeds on Ratios™. And I think there are a few really common misconceptions around what these numbers mean.
The rest of this is going to be under a readmore to spare y’all but basically it’s a breakdown of trying to calculate my own percentages like the OP in the original post and then dialing down into why hits != readers.
Here’s the stats from one of my fics as of today, May 1st 2023. I am by no means a prolific or widely known fic writer - I happen to be in a big fandom and writing for for the main pairing in that fandom.
completed multi chapter fic, rated Mature:
So this one has three chapters, 2736 hits, 436 kudos, and 146 comments. Kudos divided by hits is 16%.
“Oh no!” I might say, seeing this. “Only sixteen percent of people liked my fic enough to leave a kudos? Either my stuff is shit, or fic-readers are a bunch of lazy fucks who don’t appreciate the work I’ve put into this. Either way, I’m mad now!”
But (and I say this with a lot of love in my heart, I promise) that’s silly. Not just for the philosophical reasons of writing what makes you happy and not caring about the response. It’s silly because it’s wrong.
On a multi-chapter fic, each person who finishes it is responsible for at least 3 hits but can only leave 1 kudos. Dividing the total hits by 3 gives you 912 hits. So, once you’ve corrected for number of chapters, the percent of people who have hit kudos is 47%.
“Holy shit!” writer-me says, “I’ve published original fiction in my university newspaper, original fiction that I poured my heart and soul into btw, and if approximately half of the people who read it sent me a little heart emoji, I would have died and gone to heaven. Fic readers are the Nicest, Most Generous, and Most Beautiful readers on the planet and I am so grateful to be in this community with them.”
But! 47% is still wrong. Here’s why.
Hits != Readers
I don’t how other people do this, but my process of reading a fic is often like this (each step is one hit):
open link from someone else's rec, try to click "mark for later"
realize I'm logged out. sign in to Ao3, go back to fic and click "mark for later"
come back to read fic, generating at least one hit per chapter
open a second tab so that I can write a comment as I go (again, generating at least one hit per chapter)
finish fic, create bookmark, and then navigate back to fic to mark it as read so it's taken off my marked for later page
if I really liked the fic, I'll end up opening it back up in a tag many times so I can rec it to people by sending them the link
if I really really liked the fic, I'll come back and read it again (this is doubly true for explicit fic, btw.)
I think I’m on the high end of generating hits, but it only takes a few of me to really dial up that hit counter. And most people are going to do one or two of these things - I’d argue that it’s pretty rare for someone to leave just one hit on a fic unless they nope out of it in the middle.
Formula for calculating number of readers from number of hits:
There isn’t one. And it would take a much better mathematician than me to make one. Because this is way more complicated than dividing by chapters. Most readers leave more than one hit - especially if they like the fic a lot. Short fics and explicit fics are more likely to be read multiple times.
“But what if I crave validation?” writer-me complains, irritated with math-me for not downloading statistics software, shoving a million Ao3 fics into it, and producing some kind of bullshit linear regression. “What if I constantly see people with higher kudos/hits ratios than me? This is all very optimistic but it really doesn’t jive with my deep seated belief that everyone secretly hates me all the time and they’re too nice to tell me about it. Do they hate me? They probably hate me, right? Tell me if you hate me.”
To which I say, listen very closely, writer-me. You can either decide that AO3 stats mean something and lose your damn mind deciphering what they mean, or you can be like that kid who got an avocado for christmas and say “it’s a avocado comment!! Thanks!! :D”
And that kid seemed pretty happy.
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I’m not gonna put it on the original, but I just saw a post that irritated me and I want to vent to you guys bc I know you won’t yell at me 😅
Basically the op was saying they didn’t like it when people put “do not tag as ship” on posts, because “you can’t stop what people ship” and they see it as being a control freak. Now, I’m pretty sure op was just stating their opinion and not trying to force it on anyone, but I do want to make it clear that I strongly disagree with said opinion. When I tag my art “not ship art”, I’m NOT saying that people shouldn’t support that ship, or even that they shouldn’t enjoy the art for the same reasons that they would enjoy an explicitly shippy art. Literally all I’m saying is that I don’t want ship tags on my work. And for me, there are two main reasons why:
I have a right to state my opinion and not have people assume or attribute to me a different one.
I have a right to curate my experience and avoid things that make me uncomfortable. For instance, if I’ve blocked a ship tag because I dislike hearing about that ship, I will also dislike seeing it pop up in my notes.
Again, I want to be fair to the OP here. I understand if they dislike feeling controlled (after all, I do hate it when people say “you must rb this”, as a few of my friends were talking about recently). I saw the example they put in their tags, and I do think it was ruder than I would have been. However, I want to be clear that if you tag my “do not tag as ship” art with the ship, I DO think that is inappropriate, I WILL be annoyed, and I will probably block you. I do not think that’s unreasonable at all.
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Response but not to the post itself, the comments being made on it (if that’s okay mpc! Feel free to delete if not!!): 748686154802544640/ask-response-sorry-mpc-yo-as-a-proshipper
Not the original anon and not a proshipper (I wouldn’t label myself as an anti either bc I think both sides are stupid, need to be more nuanced, and most people have generally lost the plot imo 👍), but like…
I genuinely don’t think OP is trying to imply anti’s aren’t facing doxxing, harassment, etc. the same way proshippers are; they’re just stating that people use anti-proship as a scapegoat to be homophobic/transphobic in some cases (they do), agreeing that proship content doesn’t need to be in main tags or reposted as the original ask states (it doesn’t, that just exposes more people to shit they might not want to see), and that the accounts dedicated to bashing one side or the other, reposting/stealing art, etc etc etc. are harmful for everyone (they are, previous point).
I really don’t think they’re trying to say anti’s don’t experience x y or z, nor are they trying to claim “poor proshippers :(“ and it’s??? Kind of shitty to put those words in their mouth imo.
They’re quite literally saying proship content needs to be separated and they block people who are uncomfortable with proship content, but they’ve had their own shit experiences with anti’s and… that’s it. I don’t think tearing them apart for something they never said is cool ig 🤷
paty note what the fuck is going on?
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hey sorry i totally get if you don’t want to continue with the sorry for hs posting tagging thing and not to sound like a kid on the playground but those guys be dogging on you for “hurting” the people who tag hs posts like that when the whole point of the post was that when people do it it makes you feel ashamed when you shouldn’t have to. and a bunch of others i see complain about it rubbing them the wrong or putting them diwn too. so not to jump to conclusions but it seems like maybe the taggers are hurting the feelings of the op more than anyone who is being “forced to see homestuck” or “having homestuck inflicted on them.” which is just what you said sorry but it is routinely appalling the behavior of tumblr users
yeah... i think people are missing the point that when they do something rude on someone else's post unprompted, the poster is not going to like it. apologizing for sharing a post is rude even if there were no harmful intentions idk how else to say it. it just comes off as "it's just a joke calm down no need to get upset over a joke." idk if people just aren't realizing that, despite their intentions, their words can have unintended consequences, and you have to be conscious of other people's feelings when You Are On Their Post. if someone wants to joke around on their own blog or with their friends who know them, that's fine idc. but walking up to a random person and saying something that You think is a joke but They find rude is, at the end of the day, not a good idea. i'm not going to keep arguing with anyone over this bc i don't want to get too heated over internet etiquette but i think the main takeaway is that:
if you are making a comment/tag/reply/etc on someone else's post, it's up to you to be respectful to that person regardless of your own insecurities/humor/archival systems/etc. if you can't do that, you shouldn't interact with the post,and if you do interact anyways, you should not be surprised if the poster blocks you
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the constant resurfacing of "bi/gay Mike discourse" has me so lost honestly, bc it always starts with people saying they think having Mike be bi would be bad writing, all untagged on their own blogs, and then a bunch of people jumping in to say that saying that is biphobic or bigoted and spamming the main tag with those "responses". i just... don't get it? yeah of course there's "drama" in the tag, you're making drama posts about something someone said into the void of their own blog? especially when it's so easy to look the other way, hell, there's a bunch of really popular theories around here that i really don't like, yet i've never complained about them and just look the other way, which is the obvious thing to do imo? the "discourse" only happens because everyone responds to a debate that didn't even exist in the first place and it's so draining to me, i genuinely don't understand where this need to have a monolithic opinion comes from in this fandom
100%! But you know what actually drives me up the wall? When people get incredibly hateful anon asks and tag their responses with byler.
Simply because most people just want to have a good time scrolling through the byler tag and having to see like 20 hate anons in a row seriously destroys the mood. And it’s especially frustrating because I get op’s intentions but putting hate in the tag and then saying that the tag is being is xyz-phobic while those anons are people that either 1: don’t like byler, or 2: don’t have the balls to actually put their own post in the tag, is annoying because op is actually the one spreading the hate in the tag. While the rest of the tag is: “🦗🦗🦗”
And that 100% applies to what you said as well! I sometimes see people complaining about drama in the tag but when I scroll through the tag it’s: “🦗🦗🦗”
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I'll Be In Your Heart
So I wrote this little idea last week and it got much more traction than I thought it would so I made a little scenario out of it. Huge shout out to @locallygrowngoblin bc their tags inspired me even more.
Inspired by this post:
“I should have been there”, was all Garrus could think as he watched the explosion ripple through London. He wanted to hate Liara for dragging him away from Shepard and onto a rescue ship, but when he sees the empty look in her eyes as she watches the destruction he has to remind himself that he’s not the only one who just lost someone.
Everything happened in such a blur that Garrus didn’t even get the chance to mourn. He was celebrated as one of the heroes of both Palaven and Earth, received multiple medals and was offered multiple leadership positions. He turned them all down. When Palaven offered him a place to live, he gave the keys to his dad and sister, to spare them the trouble of rebuilding their home. That’s when he decided he didn’t want to stay on his home planet anymore.
It’s only when the surviving crew of the Normandy SR-2 comes together to honour their commander that Garrus starts feeling the gravity of what happened. When Liara put up the nameplate on the wall he could feel the heaviness in his chest. When he removed himself from the little ceremony he could feel everyone’s eyes burning in his back. Their compassion somehow making him feel worse.
He went to the only place on the ship he could think of, the Main Battery. He could’ve gone to Shepard’s quarters but didn’t want to be reminded of their last night together. Instead he thought fondly about all their conversations they’d had here. About the war, about other crew members, hell, he’d even take the awkward flirting. Garrus let out a soft chuckle as he thought about how stupid they were.
“Garrus?”
“Tali”, he turned around to face her. “How are things on Rannoch?”
“Things are going great. But that’s not what I’m here for. Are you okay?” She tilted her head a bit.
He smiled. “I’m… Okay? Part of me always assumed that I… That she would never come back from this. Of course, it actually happening hurts more than I anticipated. But… Considering the circumstances… I’d say I’m okay.”
She let him ramble for a bit and then puts her hand on his arm. “We’re here for you. Don’t be a stranger, Garrus.”
He lets her lead him back to where the others are.
When Tali said they were there for him, she had meant it. Somehow he was always around helping someone from the Normandy crew. Miranda seemed to always have jobs for him, Tali could always use help on Rannoch, Liara gave him some spy-ops work, the list just went on.
Staying busy was good for Garrus. He could never dwell too long on how cold the bed was now that she wasn’t there anymore. And time did heal. Talking about what happened was starting to get easier. After a while, he even managed to talk about how close he was with her to others, much to Joker’s delight.
So when Wrex eventually sent him a message, he wasn’t really that surprised. But when that message read “I’ve got something for you. Come to Tuchanka”, Garrus couldn’t deny his curiosity wasn’t piqued.
So he took the first flight to Tuchanka. When the sandy planet came into view, all he could think of was the last time they were here and the absolute mess they had on their hands back then.
Wrex was waiting for him at the docking point. Garrus had to dodge out of the way of a friendly headbutt when he walked out of the ship but he couldn’t help but be happy to see his old friend.
“Garrus! You’re still as stiff as the last time I saw you! You’d think being a war hero would loosen you up!” Wrex rumbled as he lead the way.
“Yeah yeah, the celebrations got a bit too boring for me.”
“So you decided to act as the janitor of the Normandy crew? Cleaning up all their dirty work?” Wrex eyed him up. His old age might be starting to show, but nothing still went past the Krogan.
“I enjoy it. Besides it’s what-“
“What Shepard did?” Wrex interrupted him.
Garrus stopped in his tracks for a second. Is that why he kept getting out of bed and going to help everyone? Because she used to? Because it made him feel closer to her? He knew he was overthinking it but he also knew Wrex was at least partially right. It annoyed him.
“Anyway, what Shepard did is Shepard’s business”, Wrex went on. “It’s time to think about what you want to do. And I’ve got just the suggestion.”
They got up to one of the Krogan camps, but it looked completely different from what it did last time he was here. The tents were set up in at least a semi-orderly fashion, there were traders from other planets around and the biggest difference, there were little Krogan waddling around.
Garrus remembered his last real conversation with Shepard. How they joked around about adopting a baby Krogan. He couldn’t help but stare at the little aliens. They were so cute? Completely unlike anything Garrus had imagined young Krogan to be like. Did he think they came out of womb as big as Wrex? No. But did his imagination provide any other possibility? Also no.
“What are we doing here Wrex?” Garrus asked.
“Well, we’ve got this rowdy little girl, her mom unfortunately didn’t make it”, Wrex started walking towards one of the tents. “And she kind of reminded me of someone, so.. I had to call you.”
He didn’t have to say it for Garrus to know. The baby Krogan reminded Wrex of Shepard. Was it the orphan part? Garrus couldn’t help but wonder how a baby Krogan could remind someone of Shepard. That was until he saw the little creature.
It was laying in a wooden crib. Her scales a reddish hue that even reminded him of Shepard’s hair. Okay, he’d give it to Wrex, he understood.
“You can grab her if you want,” Wrex said.
“But she’s sleeping… I don’t want to-“
Before he could even finish his sentence, Wrex had grabbed the little Krogan and shoved it in his arms. Obviously she wasn’t very pleased with this intrusion of her afternoon nap. She opened her eyes and started wailing at Garrus. He shot Wrex a glare.
“What? She’s yours to deal with now!” Wrex laughed.
Garrus shushed the baby as far as he knew how to. He wasn’t a dad? Why did Wrex want to do this to him? But when the Krogan in his arms calmed down, grabbed his talon and stared up at him with the exact same green eyes Shepard had, he knew exactly why. He had to fight to bite back the tears for a second. “Spirits, she looks just like-“
“You see. I couldn’t help but calling you”, Wrex voice sounded so far away to Garrus. All he could think of was the little baby Krogan cooing in his arms.
“What will you call her? I insist on her keeping the Urdnot clan name. If she wants to come back here later in life, It’ll be easier for her”, Wrex’ words made Garrus crash back to earth.
He knew what he wanted to call her but he didn’t know if he wanted to admit that to Wrex. Was it embarrassing? Probably. Did this Krogan resemble her so much it was almost scary? Yes. So that made it okay, right?
“She can have the Urdnot clan name, I don’t really care. But I want her to be called Jane,” he sounded firmer than he felt when he said the last part. Fearing for the inevitable teasing.
But it never came. Only Wrex’ soft grumble as he asked, “Was that her first name?”
“Yeah.”
“It suits her perfectly.” Garrus would never know if Wrex was talking about Shepard or the little Krogan in his arms.
He decided to take Jane to Earth with him, so they could both restart their lives there. No Palaven to suffocate him and bother him about Jane. Plus, Earth was so much more colourful anyway. He didn’t have the slightest clue on how to raise a Krogan but Wrex assured him it wasn’t really that hard and turns out he was right. As long as Jane was fed and kept busy, she was fine.
She reminded Garrus so much of her namesake it was scary. Not just the physical resemblance although he would have loved to see Shepard’s reaction to being compared to a Krogan. Little Jane was stubborn as an ox, strong and unmoving when she wanted to be and yet she treated Garrus with such kindness it melt his heart every time.
“When you grow up, I’m going to tell you all about your mom, the great Commander Jane Shepard,” he mused as he watched Jane fall asleep. And he meant it. This child was going to grow up loved, with stories from the great adventures they went on and the crewmates who didn’t make it. She’ll hear the story about how they cured the Genophage, defeated the Reapers and saved the universe countless of times. She’ll hear about EDI and about Virmire. About how he met her mom. She’ll live a life where, even though Shepard isn’t here anymore, she’ll be ever present for this child.
Shepard couldn’t really think of herself as a mom. He knows, they had talked about it countless of times. He knew the adopting Krogan was only a joke. And yet, she was going to be the best mom ever. He’d make sure of that.
#Shakarian#garrus vakarian#commander shepard#mass effect#mass effect 3#post mass effect 3#urdnot wrex#my wriitng#this is unedited i'm so sorry for any mistakes
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dolce (sweetly, softly, gently)
* pairing: accompanist/violinist!katsuki bakugou x violinist!reader (gender neutral!) ft kamijirou
* genre: fluff, kinda angst, enemies to lovers, classical musician au hehe
* words: 9.5k (holy crap, this was a rollercoaster to write)
* warnings: swearing bc not only does bakugou exist, he is a prominent character, brief viola/second violinist jokes (reader’s words not mine), poor rosins being dropped :(
* a/n: SO this is very late for @prettysetterbaby‘s v-day collab!! pls check out all the other talented writers involved >< jj is an ANGEL for putting up with me being late T_T there’s some violin terminology in here but it’s fine if you don’t understand it! more notes at the end aha
* playlist (spotify in source link): violin sonata no.9, op.47 in a major “kreutzer” (beethoven) ; liebesfreud (kriesler) ; violin partita no.3 in e major (bach) ; duo concertante for 2 violins no.3 in d-sharp major, op.57 (beriot) ; clair de lune (debussy) ; duo for 2 violins in d-major, op.67, no.2 (spohr) ; 24 caprices op.1, no.24 in a minor (paganini)
* synopsis: being a soloist is not made easy by your new accompanist, bakugou. you step on each other’s toes when playing - but that’s alright, he’s just a pianist. you’re separated in your two worlds of musical instruments, until one day, you’re not. bakugou traverses over realms like a simple string crossing, and there’s a lot more he’s brought with him.
a double stop in violin is a technique in which two notes are played simultaneously. played correctly, one violin playing two notes should sound like two violins playing separate notes. if your life was a violin, you only needed double stops to play it. you'd perfected the art of being alone, playing the parts of two in your sad solo sonata. you were so, so sure you could compose and play for the whole orchestra - a symphony that would surely please the audience.
you were wrong. after all, a double stop has its limits as well, impossible to play with an interval of larger than a tenth. you were content with your double stops and playing by yourself. this was how you won countless competitions - what good would changing anything be?
you were born a soloist, or that's what your parents would say. you never followed the crowd, sticking to your own mind and doing what was true to you. you never worked well in an orchestra setting (and who knew what would become of you if you ever landed in second violin!). thus, you became a soloist, determined to keep the spotlight on you. it was you and your perfection that kept the eyes of the audience transfixed; you were desperate to keep their focus enraptured by every slight movement of your bow, every shift in finger position on the fingerboard. you wanted them to follow every dynamic and tempo change like their life depended on it, feel their emotion spark the moment your bow pressed a string. you were the only one on stage, an entertainer and an artist to the audience. you brought joy and sorrow through key changes and wonder through glissandos and held suspense with every tremolo. the audience was yours for an entire piece, for a story, for a lifetime.
oh, and there was the accompanist. what was his name again? batsugou? bakugou. the last part was a joke, of course. you'd never forget the man who ruined your first recital overseas.
katsuki bakugou was quickly made your accompanist after the previous one quit last minute and schedule clashes between any other potential candidates rendered them unable to travel with you. no one in their right mind would've come along on a plane to play a piano accompaniment for you. indeed, bakugou was not in his right mind. his name was prominent locally, an orchestral prodigy with the gift of perfect pitch since the tender age of thirteen. he never ventured internationally, though given the chance multiple times to do so. you could never understand why he never took any of the opportunities. you'd jump at any chance of expanding your musical horizons and performing for a larger audience, so it frustrated you to see someone with such potential to throw away possibly beneficial opportunities. not that you really paid much attention to him, anyway. bakugou was a pianist, and you were a violinist. you only cared about competition, not those with blessings you could only dream of achieving.
the months leading to your recital, bakugou had gone quiet. well, you didn't know him personally, so it was news of him that had gone practically radio silent. he was no longer featured in news articles or even pinned on bulletin boards for upcoming recitals. there were no updates from him on social media, too. not that you really paid attention, anyway. he was a prodigy, gifted naturally with talent, and you were a violinist.
an ambitious violinist, at that. you had dreams to perform anywhere out of the stifling air of japan. even to fly a short distance to south korea would be amazing, because it meant you'd be outside of japan. you worked towards this goal tirelessly. you dreamed of stepping on a plane, violin case in your right hand and your dreams in another, to fly to another country and perform. you wished to see the talent beyond your own bubble and feel the music resonate in an auditorium in a different way than it did in japan.
one day, that dream was realized. your violin case in one hand and dreams in another, you boarded the plane flying out of japan full of hope and the faith that good days were coming. while yes, you didn't expect to step out of that plane with anyone but your old accompanist, momo, bakugou's presence comforted you in the foreign atmosphere. for the first ten minutes, he said not a word to you but made it a point to speak to everyone else he could in what seemed like very convincingly fluent english.
to which you finally mustered up the courage to say, in japanese, "i thought you didn't travel internationally."
his japanese voice was a comforting sound. "i don't. this is my first time out of japan."
you stared at him like he just said he ate babies for breakfast (which seemed just as astronomically insane as him never stepping foot out of japan).
"but-" you stuttered. "your english is so good?"
"only because you can't understand it."
to be fair, he had a point. you could only say the basics, like, "hi," "how are you?", "i'm fine, and you?," and the ever-so useful, "do you speak japanese? my english is not good." he appeared to never use any of these phrases, so he was a god in english compared to you.
it was a miracle you navigated out of the airport with your luggage in hand and a general idea of how to get to the hotel you'd booked. you're not going to talk about the events in the hotel, though. sharing a bed with bakugou was a whole different story that consisted of him complaining about your phone usage at eleven pm and you complaining about his lack of sufficient english skills to be able to get the right hotel room (which he'd retort by saying "at least i speak english!").
the path to your first international competition was rocky, so understandably by the day of the performance, your metaphorical feet were sore and you only had water on your metaphorical mind. that is to say, you hadn't practiced with bakugou once until the day before the performance. said rehearsal was cut short due to misunderstandings as a result of bakugou's apparent not-so-fluency in english. you felt bad for him at this point.
and then you were up on stage, violin in one hand, bow in the other, and arms full of your childhood aspirations. also, definitely not prepared enough. you glanced once at bakugou before beginning and he looked confident enough. the lesson you learned that day was that looks can be deceiving.
something you could remember quite clearly was the way the spotlight shined on the varnish of your instrument as you held it, propped between your chin and shoulder. you focused on this shine before taking a deep breath, closing your eyes, and praying muscle memory would take over and you'd play the piece faithfully to the score.
you liked to think your playing was accurate. you, the soloist, were the main focus of the piece. the accompaniment made the piece richer and fuller, complementing the violin beautifully while keeping attention on said violin. the thing was, bakugou, like you, played like a soloist.
the performance was like a fight, and sadly not the graceful kind you'd see in a ballet. it was gory and a nuance to the ears, melodic tinkling of the piano becoming tears of a soldier dying in combat. at parts, you clashed by overshadowing the other by playing too loudly. sometimes it was you, and sometimes it was bakugou. it was a merciless game of tag; bakugou would be running to keep up with your playing; once achieving so, you were forced to start chasing after him. you can't exactly remember if he played well, though. for certain, he was not in sync with you, but you were mainly too preoccupied with your own playing to pay attention to his. listening to the recording of the performance, you were unable to evaluate his quality of playing properly, and thus, he remained your accompanist even when you returned to japan.
(actually, the biggest reason he stayed your accompanist was because of your classical musician friends' nagging. they were all in complete awe that the famous soloist, katsuki bakugou, had offered to be your accompanist, and begged for an autograph. of course, you declined.)
you figured that like you, bakugou was a soloist. he wasn't fit to assist your playing, far more suited to his own solos to entrance the audience with only his playing. being a soloist, he played like one too - that's simply how things worked. this understanding of him, though, still couldn't stop you from harbouring a small grudge against him for ruining your international debut.
and then there was the man himself, all standoffish and rough in words and persona. obscenities had no hesitation coming (thrust!) from his mouth. he yelled brashly and frequently and it astonished you that he was a classical musician, as most of your friends of the classical music profession were typically on the quiet, softer spoken side. those that were extroverts were optimistically so, in far contrast to bakugou, who you'd expect from looks alone to be playing in some heavy metal band. it was scary to hear his renditions of debussy's dreamy, serendipitous pieces when over your earbuds, he was yelling at some guy named "shitty hair" on his phone. you were curious how he looked recording the piece.
you didn't typically communicate, though. conversation, which only ever existed during rehearsal, was a question from you and a clipped grunt in response. there was nothing else to your relation; he played his part, and you played yours. sometimes you did this simultaneously, but it was as if you were playing two completely different things. performance, according to your friends, was now stilted. this was partially the reason you stopped listening to recorded performances. it wasn’t even like you’d ever derived pleasure from listening to them - you only nitpicked your mistakes.
your old accompanist, momo, on the other hand, was an absolute angel. she was kind, polite, and skilled on the piano, fingers dancing over the keys like a graceful ballet. you fit well with her; each performance was like a delightful conversation between friends, pleasant on the ears and twinkling with joy and laughter. with her, every performance felt like something resembling victory, even if it wasn’t a competition. to you, winning the audience’s gaze was enough.
then again, you didn't feel that you could judge quite yet. momo was your accompanist for years, and you could barely remember how the two of you sounded when you first started out. bakugou had been your accompanist for mere months (though it did feel much, much longer considering how frustrating he could be). you couldn't understand why he became your accompanist at all.
opposites. it was an accurate representation of your relationship with bakugou. he was a pianist, you weren't. he was a prodigy, you weren't. he was blessed with talent, you weren't. there was nothing to talk to him about, obviously, because of these dividing factors.
the longer you knew him, the more your disdain for the man grew. at rehearsals, it always felt like your performances were about him, him, and him. he was the star piano player, of course. he hadn't volunteered to be your accompanist as a sense of "stepping down"; no, no, rather, he was flaunting his piano playing with a violin playing in the background. he played perfectly. for a soloist.
as time passed, these frustrations with him became more and more apparent. you became acutely aware of how his performance would outshine your own, and it sickened you. slowly, the quality of your own performances took a nosedive. if the piece was originally pianissimo, you'd take it up to piano (then, if bakugou increased his volume, forte). if the tempo was andante and he was playing moderato, you'd play allegro. it was a competition at this point - instigated by him, of course. you were just upping the ante, even if it meant sacrificing your own artistry.
a lot of people warned you of what would happen, but you ignored them. the fierce competition you felt between you and bakugou caused your own downfall as a musician. slowly, gigs stopped trickling in, like a faucet being shut off. you blamed this on bakugou. ("i was international before him. now, i can barely get a gig in musutafu! why does everyone think he's so great?" you had fumed over the phone to jirou, your old roommate from university. she asked you if you had even listened to him play.)
you were scrambling for places to perform at this point. (“fire him,” the very unhelpful hagakure told you. you didn’t know what you were thinking when you asked her, a violist in a local orchestra. it wasn’t like she ever got a solo.) you’d seriously considered doing so, but came up empty when looking for another accompanist. online forums and friends’ connections could only do so much. they were all either unavailable during rehearsal schedules or inadequate in terms of adapting to the music given.
“you need to try working together with him,” jirou advised you one day over the phone.
“yeah, say that to yourself and kaminari,” you muttered bitterly under your breath. kaminari was a guitarist in jirou’s band who hadn’t quite gotten along with jirou well. jirou made fun of the lightning bolt streak in his hair. when you first met them, all they did was bicker day and night; now, according to the other guitarist, tokoyami, they still did this, though on a smaller scale.
she heard you. “well,” jirou said, slightly ticked off, “we get along better now. because of communication. look- i’m not saying you need to be best friends with bakugou or anything, but you need to talk to him about what’s working and what’s not. respect him as another musician, y’know?”
“i’ll… try,” you said begrudgingly.
you heard a muffled yell from the other side of the call. “kaminari, you idiot!” jirou called, voice a bit far. “what did i tell you about plugging in the amp? i said not to-” she cut herself off. “sorry, y/n, i need to go now. kaminari’s back to his normal antics.” she sighed, but it sounded more endeared than irritated. the call ended.
respect bakugou as another musician. you could do that. bakugou was only a pianist. you were a violinist. he was your accompanist. he was to support your playing. you’d forever be separated from him, doing your own thing. he, certainly, couldn’t understand the woes of being a violinist. not the intonation nor the techniques; you were sure that if you handed him a violin on the spot, he wouldn’t be able to even hold the bow properly. the notion of bakugou, piano prodigy, struggling to make a decent sound on the violin with a bow clenched in an ungainly grip deeply amused you.
these thoughts kept your relationship with bakugou afloat and restrained you from strangling him every time he stepped a toe out of line during rehearsals. ploddingly, with as minimal communication as you could manage, you tried to play with bakugou together, as a duet rather than as two soloists playing simultaneously. you swallowed your pride to play accurately to the music, patiently explaining any qualms you had with bakugou’s playing.
eventually, you found yourself building up your performances to the quality they had once been with momo. it was still far from the pristine playing that led you to an international invite - but it was an improvement, and that was all that mattered to you. innately, you were slightly ashamed of the thoughts that allowed you to keep working with bakugou. they were thoughts that told of your superiority to him, because he was playing piano for you. that’s all he was; an accompaniment to you. you told yourself that having these thoughts on the inside was better than fighting with bakugou.
somehow, along the strings of notes slurred together and shifts of fingers from one spot on a string to the next, you found yourself experiencing a strange joy gliding your bow against the strings of your violin. the rich sound of your instrument, withering and blooming with every stroke of vibrato you performed, fulfilled you unlike how it ever had before. up until now, you’d been playing for the audience, rather than yourself. the melody reverberating in the hollow body of your violin was never for your own ears to enjoy, it was for the audience’s satisfaction and listening pleasure. for it was their own enjoyment that won you competition after competition, playing with a blank face. on some occasions, you’d open your eyes during the applause to see some audience members crying, which ultimately confused you. how you were able to draw emotions from them with your playing when the music was unable to render you anything but indifferent?
you knew it in yourself, though, that the happiness you felt was hollow. delightful notes supposed to boast joy and love echoed in the rehearsal room, falling flat on your ears.
you were a soloist, though. you couldn’t let thoughts like these get to you. you could only play, for both your pride and your audience. these woes were for you to shoulder, on top of the violin you held between your chin and collarbone.
“you’re here early,” bakugou commented one day, opening the door to your shared rehearsal room. tucked under one arm was his folder of sheet music. he caught you in the middle of practicing one of the pieces for a gig - liebesfreud, by fritz kreisler.
it was true. the morning sun basked the window sill and laminate flooring, warming the particular spots it shone through. you’d arrived an hour or so early. pleased by the bright nature of the morning, you pulled up the blinds. typically, you ran late, arriving ten minutes after bakugou’s text of “you’re late again, idiot” with a coffee and a bagel in your hands. those mornings, you were really grateful for having a case with backpack straps. if you hadn’t the time to eat your bagel on the way to rehearsal, it was cold and hard by the time you had a lunch break.
thankfully, today was not one of those days. whether it was the sun or the title of the piece (“love’s joy,” how wonderful), you’d woken up and decided that today, you’d have a warm and soft bagel for breakfast. you had a coupon for a free coffee and surprisingly, the commute to rehearsals was more punctual than usual. thus, you arrived an hour early, a smile on your face as you opened the door. you opened your case with extra care and rosined your bow with extra zest, humming a tune you heard playing on the radio. bakugou would’ve had a heart attack had he saw you then.
you ignored his entrance, only peeping one eye open at the man and nodding your head toward the piano as you continued on with the piece. you allowed yourself to become immersed in the music, following the soft pace bakugou set in his playing. closing your eyes, you saw the audience before you and felt your fingers sliding and pressing the strings. time flew while playing the piece; you’d barely noticed that the piece was nearing its end, playing its familiar melody one last time before opening your eyes. a glance at the rosin dusted in between the bridge and fingerboard of your violin satisfied you, like salt on caramel. you surely played just as sweet, smooth and saccharine like the gooey texture of a caramel confection. you relished in the sunlight streaming through into the room, ignoring the shuffling of papers behind you (from bakugou, no doubt). that was how you should play.
“something’s off,” you blearily opened your eyes to the sound of bakugou’s gruff voice. he was frowning, eyebrows furrowed in a not atypical manner.
“what,” you said flatly. “it sounded fine to me. i didn’t mess up or anything.”
“no,” he replied, deep in thought, crimson eyes darkening a shade. “we don’t have proper… emotion in the music.”
“huh?” you felt a comical question mark rising out of your head. “i played it perfectly to score. it conveys the composer’s emotions to a t,” you said, getting annoyed with the pianist. your grip tightened on your violin’s neck.
“well- yeah,” he gritted his teeth. “but what about your emotions?”
“who cares about my emotions?” you said. “all that matters is that my playing is perfect. the audience feels the emotions, not me.” why else had you been plucked into violin lessons when you were five? surely not for your own enjoyment.
“idiot, that’s definitely not how it is.”
“it’s just violin playing!” you snapped. “it’s not complicated with- with emotions! it’s the same as anything else!”
“you’re wrong,” bakugou coldly answered.
“what would you understand?” you seethed. “you’re just a damn pianist. you follow my lead.”
he ignored your remarks. “why do you play a fucking instrument, then? why bother to enter competitions or recitals?”
“to win, like any other normal person!”
he let out a clipped, exasperated breath. “fuckin’ explains it, then.” he didn’t elaborate. dismissing the topic, he said, “whatever. play the piece from the top. actually try to look at me this time, so we can stay together. put more emphasis on the downbeat at the start.”
“it’s not like you even heard me play the beginning,” you retorted, but made sure to accent that note even more during the replay. pianists. they always were on their high horses.
something you looked forward to every year was the valentine’s recital. the organizers, an old couple, had known you since you were a child, and thus developed a soft spot for you. you were a shoo-in for the event, relied on to learn the music on a short deadline. last year, you played preludio, from bach’s partita for violin no. 3. this year, though, the catch was weird.
“the letter says it’s a violin duet?” you said to jirou while video calling her. “i don’t have a violinist on hand, just a pianist. it’s not like bakugou can suddenly master violin.”
jirou looked at you with a surprised expression. “you don’t know?”
you stared back at her. “know what?”
“he plays violin, too.”
“huh?” you must’ve misheard her.
she nodded. “he’s pretty good, too. have you not seen the videos?”
“videos?" your eyes widened as you soon realized the implications of bakugou harbouring an aptitude for violin. "i’ve… i’ve got to go.”
“he’s as good as you, y/n,” jirou said with a knowing smile. you were quick to press the hang up button.
five seconds into teenage bakugou’s rendition of one of paganini’s caprices, you exited youtube.
the next day, you kicked open the door to the practice room.
“you,” you pointed a finger at bakugou, who sat at the piano midway through a piece.
“what is it now, dumbass? you’re late again.”
“shut up,” you grumbled. “that’s beside the point. you- you play violin?!”
he shrugged, not avoiding your piercing gaze. “i’ve dabbled in it, yes.”
you shut the door behind you. “and why did you never tell me?!”
“tch. you never asked, did you?”
“you’re my accompanist, i should know these things!”
“you know i play piano, and that’s enough,” bakugou said stubbornly. “i only play piano with you.”
“not anymore.” setting your violin case down, you shuffled through the pocket that held your sheet music. flipping out a packet of sheet music, you thrust it in bakugou’s direction. “here.”
he grabbed the sheets from you, skimming the title. “duo for two violins in…. fuck,” he muttered. “why didn’t you just say no? who even is this from?”
“valentine’s recital. the pay’s good, bakugou, and we need it.”
“you need it,” he mumbled bitterly, holding the sheets out for you. “i don’t.”
“it’s not like i’m happy about it either. since when were you a violinist?”
“since when was it any of your damn business?”
"you're supposed to be my pianist! not anything else!"
you didn’t understand how he could be so musically inclined. you blinked, and your sight smeared, blurring the sight of your feet with the laminate flooring. this wasn't right, you thought as you felt a telltale heat creeping up you. why were you crying now?
if there was one thing you prided yourself on, it was your violin playing. it seemed to be the only thing you were good at as a child when academics and athletics failed you. sure, you hated it at first (as most children did when their parents forced them to do something), but as time went on, the applause of the audience and the title of "winner" rewarded you enough. you were no prodigy, so you worked endlessly every day to prove yourself worthy. you never understood how you'd worked so hard only to be in the shadows of others so naturally gifted who surely would never understand how much you practiced to become better.
when it came to bakugou, he was never supposed to be better. he was your pianist, talented in a completely different musical realm than your own, so he could never be superior to you - and now he wasn't. he never was. here you were for the past year or so, looking like a fool in bakugou's eyes. on the days you struggled so hard with fourth finger vibrato, he was probably laughing at your inadequacy at violin. as easily as he played the violin, katsuki bakugou played you like a fool.
everything collided when you stepped out of the room, leaving a particular golden haired boy alone to stare at the sheet music you tossed him. your head throbbed with the groggy sensation of almost-tears and anger coursed through your veins.
you couldn't back out of the recital now. you couldn't.
you couldn't stand to look back into the vermillion eyes of katsuki bakugou now. even more so now, you couldn't.
your solution?
"hey, what's up?" jirou's collected voice filled your ear, your phone pressed to it.
"hey, kyo, i… kind of did a bad thing," you said, feeling jittery as you sought a commute home. you'd already made up your mind that your sorry-ass wouldn't be able to look bakugou back in the face for the rest of the day.
"...again?" she asked, tone concealing a hint of surprise. "don't tell me it was with bakugou. don't you usually practice now?"
"...usually, yes…" you sheepishly shuffled your feet, standing outside on the sidewalk. "i'll be resuming it again, 'course, when i get home…"
"why aren't you with bakugou right now?"
"that's… that's a long story," you laughed nervously.
"i can wait," jirou coolly replied. "kaminari got his foot stuck in his guitar case - don't ask - so i have time."
you considered asking about kaminari, then thought better of it.
"you know about the valentine's day recital they have every year? well, this year…" you recounted the events that led you to now, standing outside on the phone with jirou.
"where are you going to find a violinist?"
a silence found itself opportune as jirou waited for an answer. "i'm, uh, not…?" you said, deflecting the question back to jirou.
"well, you can't play both parts in the duet, can you? actually, don't answer that. i know you'd try. didn't you try that one time in-"
"what's done in uni stays in uni," you hushed her before she could recall that one time you tried to play a sonata with a recording of yourself. "aren't you going to tell me to try to make amends with bakugou?"
"no," she said thoughtfully after a pause. "you've tried before, and it's not working for you. i don't think you should be forced to do something you obviously don't want to do. i just think," she continued, "you need to find someone to do the duet with, if you don't want to work with bakugou. but objectively, he's your best bet."
as jirou always was, she was right. you thanked her for her advice not before hearing a distraught kaminari shouting for jirou in the background, and then she ended the call.
you repeated her words in your head once you got home, sliding your bow back and forth on your small block of worn rosin. the score for the duet was spread next to you on the floor. it wasn't that you didn't want to work with bakugou. or was it? had you been that selfish all along, sabotaging other performances because you didn't like him? if even jirou had noticed it, had bakugou noticed it too?
your sigh let out a thousand burdens piled up in your mind, blowing air out like dust accumulating on your tribulations. you picked up your violin and bow thoughtlessly, testing out the strings and plucking a couple with your left hand.
was it really only you with the contempt for working with bakugou? you'd assumed mutual hatred with him after your international debut, but had it really been so? had you been the only one picking fights during the time you'd worked together? as you backtracked, your fingers slipped into a familiar position. you began a piece you knew positively by heart, an absolute favorite of yours for years. you played mindlessly, serenading yourself with familiar notes and string fingerings as you thought long and hard about bakugou. how much shit had you given bakugou? he hardly complained, too, but why? why hadn't he quit after you'd been so ceaselessly difficult with him?
why were you so angry at bakugou, a gifted prodigy since childhood? the answer found itself as the composition descended into an array of complicated fingerings and string changes, sounding like an incoherent chaos somehow strung together by the music. you pretended you didn't know the answer.
it was much, much easier to leave bakugou as just a pianist. respectable in his own field, and incomparable to you. it was too good to be true, obviously. all your life, you played to win, and couldn't allow anyone else to surpass you. violin was about winning, winning, winning. how were you supposed to cope when all those hours of practice were easily overcome by someone with innate talent?
the piece eased your tension with a fermata, drawing out your vibrato to think. bakugou's perfection infuriated you, you concluded. knowing this, though, didn't help with anything. you almost screeched the last note as the composition came to an end, unsettled by thoughts of bakugou. you really couldn't stand him.
in an attempt to distract yourself from your dilemma, you decided to start practicing the recital composition. you pulled out an old portable music stand, bending the parts into place and stacking it up. carefully, you placed the sheets on the stand and skimmed over the music, bringing your violin up to your collarbone.
your eyes followed one measure ahead of what you were playing as you sight-read the piece. ahead, ahead, was all you could think as your fingers fumbled the notes, eyes moving from the score to the fingerboard. bakugou was far from your mind as you caught up to the music, too preoccupied with the sharps and flats you'd forgotten and the time you had to keep. you were busied by the shifts and the repeat signs in the music over anything else. your priority lay here for the time being, after all. the sight-reading was almost enough to make you forget you only play one half to a duet. there was still still an emptiness that lurked between the rests and the redundant beats that even your stilted practice couldn't mask. you tried not to worry about that, though.
time floated by as you repeated the piece over and over, playing for accuracy first. it wasn't enough, but you pretended it was. the metronome on your phone ticked away like time, endless and impatient, until you couldn't stand it anymore and packed away your violin.
the proceeding day was filled with more of the same practicing, working on tweaking hesitations and polishing up your playing. it was kind of convenient, practicing at home rather than waking up early to practice with bakugou. you missed the bagel the most.
you were definitely not playing your best, and it was clear by the way your bow occasionally screeched and how you fumbled the fingerings when you were particularly negligent. the piece just didn't sound right without the second part. (bakugou was definitely not the second part missing. not at all.)
by the third day you gave up and admitted to yourself that yes, bakugou was the second part missing. you were only a little bit miserable buying your usual bagel and coffee and rushing to rehearsals fifteen minutes late, aware that you'd be unable to eat it before practice. you were substantially less miserable than how you were the day previous, practicing alone.
you weren't surprised to see bakugou already there, sitting on the piano bench and tightening his bow hairs. he acknowledged you with a grunt as you set down your breakfast and beverage.
"showed up, huh?" he said finally, voice rough. he stood up, setting his sheet music on a stand. you stared at him, awed by his nonchalance. he picked up his violin and bow (which, by the way, looked super expensive) and propped his violin up by his chin. it felt so foreign to see him in position to play violin, fingers already expertly in first position and wrist beautifully curved, yet it inexplicably clicked. the scene in front of you looked like he'd done this everyday, as it was always supposed to have been, his back confidently straight. his fingers arched over the fingerboard and his bow appeared mathematically parallel to the bridge, held delicately between his fingers. you'd never carefully watched him play piano (probably due to your distaste to him and lack of knowledge about the percussion instrument), but he made the violin look like an instrument of the gods. he hesitated, though, bow moving a centimeter then back. he frowned at your idle silence and turned back to you. "well? are we doing this duet or not?"
"oh," you reacted intelligently. "yeah. yeah." it kicked in what you were doing by the time you'd started tuning your violin, first bowing your a string. after tuning your violin (with the help of a tuning fork and none from the perfect-pitched bastard bakugou, who appeared to be watching you with a triumphant gleam in his eyes as you struggled to tune your violin properly), you set your sheet music next to bakugou's.
"ready?" you asked, as if you'd been the one waiting for bakugou all this time.
"ask yourself that," he snorted. "i'll do the count."
you nodded.
"one, two, three, f-"
"wait, wait," you said, squinting at your music. "isn't it supposed to be a bit slower than that?"
"it says allegro," bakugou said, tapping his foot. "need an italian lesson? lively, briskly."
"i know what allegro means," you gritted. "seems too fast, when paired with dolce."
"maybe for you," he smirked.
you narrowed your eyes at him. "and that means what, exactly?"
he opened his mouth to reply some smug, smart-ass answer, but you stopped him.
"nevermind," you said. "do the count again, at the same tempo. i can do it."
you were bluffing, of course. since when was allegro this fast? you wondered as the opening notes sped by you in a musical blur. already familiar with the melody, you messed up dynamics the most. of crescendos and diminuendos? it wasn't like bakugou would notice, too preoccupied with his part.
the ending of the piece took your breath away, storming toward you in a whirlwind. adrenaline filled your veins as you raced to the last measure of the music, overcome by the tempo and the music. this time, full of energy and exhilaration, the piece felt complete. your and bakugou's sound surrounded the two of you, overflowing the room with a saccharine melody. it felt right simply standing beside him playing a two part piece, chest heaving from the piece's energy. you could only hear your breathing, a gentle encore to your playing.
"your playing is sloppy," bakugou said bluntly. he leaned over to your sheet music, starting to point at dynamic markings.
you swatted his hand away before he could say a word. "yeah, well, i just got the music three days ago," you interjected.
"you also had two of the three days off, so i'd say you're not doing enough." he glanced back down at your score. he pointed at a measure. "this is a crescendo, moron, why didn't you get much louder?"
"just- pay attention to your own music!" you said. "besides, it's dolce. i can get away with playing softer."
"that wasn't very dolce to me," he argued. "nothing sweet, soft, or gentle about that," he mumbled.
"i can be sweet, soft, and gentle if i want to!" you retorted.
he raised a brow, as if a challenge, scarlet eyes glinting in the light. "tch. i'm sure you can, but your playing damn can't."
“it can, too! listen,” you said, impetuously raising your violin and bow again. you slowly started to play a d major scale, impatiently scrunching your nose and squeezing your eyes shut to concentrate on making the music soft and gentle, tampering with different degrees of vibrato and bow pressure.
“... that’s just piano,” bakugou said, moving to you as you bowed an a. your bow came to an abrupt halt, making an unpleasant squeal, as bakugou positioned himself behind you. you felt his body warmth radiating behind you as a sweet, homely scent wafted around you. he brought his arms around you, hands overlapping where you held your violin and bow.
“you need to be,” he murmured into your ear, gentle tone almost slurring the words together, "fragile when you play dolce." he angled your bow slightly, moving your hand. "bow closer to the fingerboard." the smooth baritone of his voice resonated within you, becoming lost within the violinist's embrace.
"most of all," he said, dropping an octave to an intimate tone, "you need to feel it. you can attempt to play it, but without feeling, it's fuckin’ meaningless."
"feeling?" you repeated blankly. “the audience’s, you mean.”
he stepped away, a gesture that made you breathless, and shook his head. he crossed his arms over his chest, unintentionally accentuating their volume. “your damn feelings. what do you feel when playing the piece?”
there’s a pause for perhaps a second too long, as you mulled over different answers in your head.
“tch.” his eyes don’t leave you, gaze a laser burning into you. “‘s what i thought. why do you play violin?”
you held your tongue from answering my parents. “to win. i play to win,” you stated.
“and that’s the damn problem,” bakugou said, releasing a breath of frustrated air. “you win to play.”
“that means…?” you were starting to get impatient with the man, who seemed to be stalling and dragging out your limited time.
“you win competitions to play more.”
you almost scoffed, but his words were plausible. “what’s the purpose in playing more if not to win?”
he made a scratching noise in his throat, cool demeanor shifting to that of the bakugou you knew. “l-l-” he coughed, “love.”
“love?” you repeated, the word a surprise to swallow.
he nodded, gagging on his reply. you couldn’t see bakugou as the romantic type - the same bakugou who called all of his friends demeaning nicknames and could barely say the word love out loud. he was explosive, maybe, and talented, sure - but acquainted with love? you pursed your lips at the stuttering man trying to advise you.
“whatever,” he dismissed, voice oddly hoarse. “just play it from the top. fix the dynamics.”
weeks passed in a blur, though bakugou’s advice was left unforgotten. it had, for the most part, faded from your mind but lingered like a ghost in an abandoned attic, stirring up dust in complete silence. it was valid criticism on bakugou’s part, but the problem was that it was criticism you couldn’t digest. it was a ghost that you could not rid of, whispering and lurking until your music played over it.
four weeks before the performance, you had the piece almost entirely memorized other than a few flukes here and there. you managed most of your dynamics, playing in sync with bakugou by your side. three weeks and the piece was mostly smooth, foregoing all sheet music and practicing in the middle of the room with bakugou tapping out the tempo on the honeyed floor. any mistakes were recovered from quickly, and you were pleased to say that the amount of bakugou’s slip-ups equated to yours. at two weeks, though, he brought up the pest bugging your mind.
“play with more emotion,” he sighed exasperatedly, letting out a huff as you played for him. “start on f sharp again.”
you’d tried time and time again, but the longer you’d replayed the same few measures (followed by his criticism for the nth time), the only emotion you felt was frustration. your bow would push too hard or your vibrato would lay on thick, immensely irritating bakugou. you didn’t know why he even tried.
the air felt stale and the lights shone obnoxiously bright. the pads of your left hand fingers had hardened by now, indented with a pair of parallel lines from your unforgiving violin strings. you inhaled rosin dust and occasional bow hairs miserably dropped to the floor. your arms were tired, sore, and sick of playing; your ears painfully endured the same tune again and again, the originally fluid and sweet notes becoming high frequency static.
“i can’t do this.” you were tempted to flop onto the ground, hopelessness pouring over you.
“you can,” bakugou insisted stubbornly. “you just need to try harder.”
“harder?” you would’ve snapped (and you were surprised your e string didn’t already by the repetitive motions on it) if you weren’t so exhausted from rehearsing.
he nodded like it was obvious. “try harder.”
you shakily inhaled, trying to smooth your voice over. “i’m sorry i can’t be a prodigy like you.”
he stiffened, tense to the point of trembling. “whatever,” and it was a strained word pulled from his mouth. it was very atypical for him to give up like this, but you didn't care. you avoided his eyes as you restarted the piece, unable to bloom anything from it.
outside of your rehearsal time, you practiced. arguably, your solo rehearsals were more rigorous. you forced yourself to add emotion to the piece, sometimes playing for jirou. she agreed with bakugou (though was a great deal less irritating), stating that your playing was somewhat hollow. (you restrained yourself from knocking on the instrument and saying that yes, indeed, violins were hollow.)
"how… how do you get any emotions from playing?" you asked jirou at one point, watching one of her band's rehearsals. they were on a break, chatting idly and taking sips from their water bottles.
“well…” jirou started, glancing back at her band members. “i think about the feelings i want the audience to feel because of my songs. i think about how the song makes me feel, then i put that into how i play.”
“how do you…” you shifted uncomfortably, “know what to feel?”
she looked at you, taken aback, but replied easily. “you don’t. it just… happens.”
her response was vastly different than what you’d been taught a child. emotions? sure, there was perhaps a time where playing evoked a feeling in you, plucked something melodical from your heartstrings. it was when you were a child, though, so it was irrational and erratic, an outburst in the middle of your otherwise level playing. your violin teacher didn’t approve when you’d follow how the music made you feel. she said it made you stray too far from the original piece and would make you lose competitions. no matter how you pushed back against her, her advice haunted you over and over every time you got anything other than first place.
your performance is the audience, she’d told you. you didn’t understand what she meant at first, but she made sure you did while practicing for your next rehearsals. the audience, she quipped with thin lips under her sharp eyes, is everything. if the audience wasn’t satisfied, your performance was worthless, no matter how well you played technically. you play for them and you win - it was that plain. there was nothing more than you wanted but to win, at the time. you wanted a trophy, a medal, a certificate stating that you were better than most. it was palpable evidence that you were good enough - for your parents, your peers, anyone. like that, you practiced, a servant for approval. you weren’t a prodigy, but you sure as hell would try to play like one. her advice worked for over a decade, soundly racking you up with countless awards that filled your otherwise desolate self-esteem.
you didn’t say anything else to jirou about it, instead thinking about the bits and pieces of human feeling you could extract in between your piece’s accidentals and eighth notes. perhaps there was a possibility, through the phrases of notes and dynamic markings, you’d find a word that said love. a renewed interest sparked itself when jirou’s band continued their rehearsals, finding yourself to be a normal audience member (maybe even crying at the end. maybe).
you returned home to practice, practice, practice, coercing any hidden message in the music to vibrate in your violin and echo around your room. you watched other renditions of the piece to find something you were missing, but imitating them didn’t seem right. this continued for the following weeks, hiding any potential development from bakugou (or trying to, at least). you knew you’d be disappointing him if you failed after trying so hard. it was only safe to play what you knew, secure in the written parts of the composition and keeping it at that.
by the time the performance came around, you were glad bakugou never found out about your secret efforts. if he had, you knew he’d be sorely dispirited by your lack of tangible progress, your sound just as hollow as the soundbox of your violin. you failed, you knew, and as crestfallen as you were on that cold february morning, the show must go on.
the performances were held in an auditorium, warm compared to the snowy wonderland outside. it was typically couples comprising the audience, all romantic and pepped up in the spirit of valentine's day (white day was no different). some arrived early, finding seats in the empty auditorium and chatting amongst themselves (or sometimes making out, which made you want to throw your violin at them and gag). bakugou’s and your performance was last; it quite the heavy honor to play the finale to the recital.
backstage was a vast contrast to the hushed atmosphere settled over the assemblage. hovering over the staff and performers for the day was a sense of panic, hurry, and hecticness. bits of rosin were scattered on the ground where you prepared for your rehearsal, some belonging to your block and others not. your pack of extra strings lay next to you on the sofa you sat on, arm resting on the side of the seat. similar to your violin's strings, spun tightly over pegs to be kept in place, you felt high-strung. the buzz of energetic excitement flitted in your head, knee bumping up and down and jerking your violin in the same motion. it was hard to calm when you tuned your violin to absolute perfection, relying on bakugou's perfect pitch to do so. the fine tuners on the end of your strings probably hadn't had a harder time in the years you'd owned your violin.
"you're shaking the entire sofa, idiot," bakugou deadpanned next to you. “some of us are trying to rosin our bow, unlike you.” he glanced at the floor, where amber shards of rosin lay amidst white dust (also made of rosin).
“to be fair, most of those aren’t mine,” you pointed out. you reached into your violin case, finding the rectangular case of rosin and opening the top. "mine's only chipped in a couple corners, and the rest is just worn on the edges from my bow."
you leaned over to look at bakugou's rosin, two stubs in its case. "and i'm the one dropping my rosin?"
his ears turned a deep red, matching the velvet curtains on stage. "that's different," he muttered, putting the lid on his rosin and putting it away.
"you ready?" you watched him swallow before speaking, not looking at you. you could hear one of the presenters speaking, introducing the first piece to be played (an ever-so romantic rendition of clair de lune), but the voices felt distant and muffled over the sound of your own nervous heart beating.
"yeah," he replied. he turned to look at you, scarlet eyes meeting your own. "what, you're not scared now, are you, dumbass?"
you gulped. "no… just excited," you said. in truth, you felt disappointed in yourself for being unable to find any emotion in your playing - thinking about the piece, you were devoid of anything but the measures and the notes. what was the piece trying to say in the white space between staff lines? after the clef at the beginning of the music, where did the emotions start and everything else end?
quiet notes, twinkling from the piano on stage, met your ears. you took a deep breath. how did they make you feel?
…not very good, because this pianist was certainly a beat or two off tempo. a large hand on your knee startled you out of your trance. its warmth was surprisingly comforting. you followed the arm connecting to the hand to meet bakugou's concentrated face, eyebrows furrowed and nose scrunched.
"don't shake your knee like that. also, why are you so damn cold?" he moved his hand away, leaving an imprint of heat on your knee. you hadn't noticed the physical manifestation of your nerves prior to bakugou's words.
you left his question unanswered, staring at your violin in your lap. you traced the patterns in wood, fingers following the shape of the f-hole and thumbing circles on your chin rest. how were you supposed to be able to pull living, breathing life in the form of emotions from an inanimate object? what sorcery were you supposed to manage to satisfy yourself and the audience?
you thought back to bakugou's words. what was it had he said you were supposed to be playing for? love, the irrational and sentimental flaw of life - somehow expressed from the symbols on a sheet of paper and through strings on hollow wood. what sort of miracle was bakugou creating with his music?
what was violin, if not just a task to do everyday? what was it, out of competitions and tests of skill? what was the sound reverberating within its vacant body, recording every shift of fingers on the fingerboard?
you looked past your violin to the rosin on the floor. friction, your violin teacher had explained to you. you put rosin on your bow so it creates friction with the strings, and thus creates sound. it was strange how friction caused the smooth sound of a violin. too much friction, added by pressure on the bow, made a creaky sound on the strings. without rosin, the bow would be too smooth on the string and make no noise at all. the happy medium of not too much and not too little created the familiar rich tone on the strings.
a happy medium, you mused. in between too much friction and none at all. maybe that was how you were supposed to feel, in between trying too hard and not trying at all. that's what feelings were in the end, right? a natural human instinct, spurred by life. could you breathe life into the music?
the stage seemed almost too big for the two of you, spotlights centering you on the wide, wooden platform. the crowd's eyes were on you and your fellow violinist, some watching with drooping eyelids. they felt far, distant under the shadows. even so, the question still besieged you - would you please them?
you teared your eyes away to bakugou, who started the count. everything was silent until he nodded to you, your cue to start the piece. it felt too fast when you began but it was the same allegro you’d been practicing with. muscle memory took control now, your fingers finding their places easily.
your fingers and bow took all your attention. everything else fell away - the lights, the crowd, the stage - until it was just you, your violin, and the music. you could practically see the score in your head, playing the notes you'd come to know so well.
you heard your music echo and resound off the walls, but that's all it seemed to do. it touched everyone in the room, looking for a place to stay, and diminished in an empty space alone. it frustrated you that it wouldn't resonate - where was the love bakugou had so told you of? this auditorium was no different than your room, where sounds bounced off walls and landed nowhere. you weren't reaching anywhere or anyone, lacking emotion and any true substance.
love - what was love if not a hindrance? how could bakugou expect so much out of you? love - had you ever felt it for the violin? dolce told you to play sweetly, softly, and gently, but what was sweet about the violin? what was so sweet about the imprints of strings on your fingers, fragmented rosin at your feet, and bruises on your neck from long hours of practice? what was gentle about the arduous replaying of the same measure, the ringing in your ears after playing to master a simple phrase? what was soft about the forte that rang in your head, the fortissimo that filled a performance and clouded your senses?
dolce filled you like an epiphany, euphoric in your eyes that finally opened and awakened. dolce was in bakugou's eyes, soft velvet like the crimson curtains onstage, downcast at his violin. dolce was in his sound as his bow skittered near the fingerboard, in his fingers sliding back and forth on his a string. dolce was in his grasp of his bow and violin, in the very essence he played the violin with. dolce contradicted everything you knew, reminding you of bakugou's soft hands over yours, guiding your fingers and bow. dolce was the morning light streaming into the practice room as you argued with bakugou over tempos and notes, the light glinting on shattered shards of rosin as you anxiously rosined your bow. dolce was the curve of your violin scroll, the bend of your fingers over your bow's frog. dolce was the white space in between staff lines on your sheet music and through half and whole notes. dolce was everything in between the rough of your violin experience, the laughter and smiling gone forgotten during sleepless practice sessions and violin evaluations.
what was dolce, if not a rebellion? what was it, if not a rebellion from the years of work and pain you'd endured in the name of musicality? what was it, if not laughing in the face of your violin instructors and the strict score you adhered to?
when you opened your eyes to meet bakugou's, whose carmine eyes dripped with a burning passion and the essence of souls, you finally felt. it was the so-sought over love, scorching every note and stroke of your bow and bursting life in every movement, breath, and echo of your performance. it was exhilarating, living through every slur and chord you played. when you finally met his eyes he understood, a satisfied smile tugging on his lips as his gaze never left yours. this was it - this was dolce, humming sweetly, softly, and gently in your ears and reflecting in the audience's heart. this was dolce, making you realize that you never wanted to play violin alone again.
you picked up a rose that had landed at your feet at the end of your piece, holding it next to bakugou's confused face. in doing so, you reached your second epiphany of the day - perhaps the more important of the two. bakugou's eyes bloomed redder than the rose, deeper than the lowest note on a double bass, and maybe it was he that was the true dolce you were looking for.
notes!!
if you’re reading this, congrats !! this is my longest fic on my account (the record will be broken soon), so i really appreciate you reading this :> (spare a reblog, perhaps?)
first, explaining the playlist:
beethoven’s kreutzer - this was played in the anime, “your lie in april,” and i simply think it fits the “fight” reader and bakugou have. this was played at reader’s first international recital that did not go so well.
kreisler’s liebesfreud (love’s joy) is in the same series as his piece called liebesleid (love’s sorrow), also featured in “your lie in april.” i personally really like the piece. of all of these listed, i think you should listen to this one the most.
beriot’s duo concertante was the other contender for reader and bakugou’s duet piece!
debussy’s clair de lune is simply a favorite of mine. it’s the first piece played at the valentine’s performance (and i like to imagine reader’s listened to bakugou’s recording of the piece)
spohr’s duo for 2 violins is the piece reader and bakugou play! it’s the second part of the duo in allegro, and i once tried to listen to it while following the sheet music. i was so confused every time i did so; i’d get lost and such, and figured my musicality was declining. nope. i was reading the wrong part. so, i started freaking out because oh god the dolce is in the first part, not the second, and thankfully, there’s a bit of dolce in the second part too! however, it did take me a while to decide whether to use the first part instead.
also, spohr invented the chinrest on the violin! crazy :D
paginini’s 24th caprice is considered the hardest out of all 24 caprices. imagine,,, teenage bakugou playing this,,, doing the left hand pizz and all T^T pain
there’s a lot i wish i could cover in this! a lot of reader’s own flaws (ahem, viola jokes) and development were something i couldn’t cover. bakugou’s arc as well! he had an arc a bit before this story takes place :)) tl;dr i’m very tempted to pick my violin up again and start playing
the frog of the bow does not, sadly, go ribbit. it’s the part violinists hold the bow by!
thank you for reading! i hope you enjoyed this :)
#bakugou x reader#bnha x reader#bakugou fluff#bnha fluff#katsuki bakugou x reader#bnha x gender neutral reader#bakugou angst#bnha angst#luna's writing#violinist bakugou
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if you ever wrote that rant about grrm making jon his chosen one deconstruction i'd be very happy to read it 👀
hello anon sorry for the lateness but here we go *deep breath*
sssooo, I had once ranted about it though not mentioning the thing I mentioned in those tags so lemme see if I can find the op and like... cp the main argument and amend it bc it was long, but okay so I found it, original anon asked me: why is Jon considered to be one of the most special characters grrm created? Why is he not the typical hero of fantasy books?, my original answer was here if anyone wants to go there but basically lemme just cp the first part making it shorter and then I'm adding:
first thing, the Typical Post-Tolkien Chosen One With A Shitty Life Before He Finds Out He Is Chosen™ character (I’m saying post-tolkien because every fantasy writer in existence who copies tolkien thinks that lotr went like that and instead it didn’t) usually goes through the following steps: his life sucks up until the beginning of the series, his family generally hates him/her or doesn’t appreciate them or abuses them or anyway doesn’t make their life easier and they’ve never known any different, but *something* never quite worked right and they always knew something was missing in their life, they just didn’t know why. suddenly someone who knows they were Chosen™ shows up and tells them that they’re actually Special because of this this and that and they have a quest to go on to save the world or something. our hero/heroine obviously is finally validated and while their quest is hard and full of hardships and maybe they lose a few friends along the way, finding out that they were Chosen gives their life meaning, they usually find love/friends/everything they didn’t have before until they fulfill the Prophecy™ and live more or less happily ever after, possibly after hooking up with the Person Of Their Dreams with whom they had UST up until the last twenty pages of the book. basically: being Chosen™ in regular fantasy novels is a good thing because suddenly you’re special and all the crap you suffered acquires a new meaning and in the end it made your life better.
jon snow is a complete overhaul of about everything in this sense because
instead of having a family who hates him he has a family who actually mostly loves him, and with ned it’s arguably so much that he risks royal treason by keeping him hidden from his *best friend* - sure, there’s cat and peripherally sansa, but his issues stem from the fact that he feels lesser because he’s a bastard (as far as he knows) and it’s a *class* issue, not a *my family hates me* issue not counting catelyn obv but that's what gives him freudian issues more on that in the emended part later
no one actually knows that he’s Chosen™ - like mel could get there and probably will and someone will put two and two together when his parentage comes out in the open, but he doesn’t have a gandalf or mentor who shows him The Way Towards His Quest
so instead of going from ‘my life sucks but I’m going on a quest which is gonna be a+’ he actively chooses to leave a fairly decent situation (a household he knows, siblings who love him - ned actually hoped he’d become robb’s counselor or right hand man or something from what we can gather) because he feels like he has to prove he’s better than his name and goes to the Crappiest Place In Westeros. like idk if people grasp it, but the wall is basically a prison and at the ripe age of fourteen he decides that it’s totally a good and honorable choice (his only choice actually) to go defend the realm in the freezing cold along with a bunch of criminals/derelicts/rejects of society
at which point he makes friends among said rejects and let’s remember that it’s the point where he actually has to do his first an only privilege when donal noye made him go like hey you were brought up with nobles these ppl are here because they stole bread, and that helps making him more into the person he is rn but like your tyopical fantasy hero who has had a shitty life doesn’t usually have to acknowledge that other people might have had it worse
then he goes on the Quest where he finds his first One True Love, and that’s where it turns even worse because usually the quest is where things start to go right for the Hero™, instead for jon they start to go wronger, because first he has to go undercover which pretty much tests most of his belief/code system, he falls in love with a girl he has to betray, half of his friends and his lord commander die along the way, while he’s off doing his thing winterfell gets taken/burned and robb dies when jon openly stated that he also was going to the wall to defend his family and keep them safe (yeaaah worked out real well), when he goes back to the wall he has to fight the people he lived with for months, the woman he loves dies in his arms and he can’t do anything about it and he’s aware it couldn’t have gone any other way, people put defending the wall on him and then put his loyalty in question, when stannis shows up with a legitimization (which is everything he ever wanted) he refuses because he doesn’t want to accidentally steal his siblings’s inheritance (which was what cat was so worried about hahaha) and actively chooses the crappy defending the realm life all over again. also in all this time his being Chosen™ hasn’t manifested or helped him in any way whatsoever - actually all his honor-moral code related baggage is what moral dilemmas come from that. like, your usual chosen hero™ would always take the right decision and it all turns out good eventually, jon takes the morally right decision and it all turns SOUR eventually
at this point he finally gets elected LC, thanks to his friends also pitching in, which is about the one fantasy hero™ thing that’s happened for now. should be good, yes?
lol no, because he ends up with THAT hellish responsibility at sixteen, since he thinks that he has absolutely to be even better than that now and he has very specific notions about how you should lead and he knows he has to take unpopular decisions/decisions that he doesn’t necessarily like, he ends up either having to send his friends away forreal (sam) or detaching from them (pyp/grenn/the likes) and when as far as he knows he learns that his sister is married to ramsay he can’t do anything about it
never mind that it’s the same situation as when he had to pick the watch or robb in book one - he went there to defend his family and now being there actually prevents him from helping them in person. ops. meanwhile he’s trying to implement a new vision of things which is modern and smart and actually makes sense because why fighting the wildlings when you have ZOMBIES coming. your usual Chosen One™ would get people to approve just because he’s the Chosen One
instead jon gets stabbed to death - okay, that was also because he wanted to go get arya but it was the last straw, people were pissed over the wildlings plan first and foremost
so basically he’s gone through all the Chosen One™ steps but in reverse - he loses his family which did love him instead of finding another one that makes the first pale in comparison, he does find a new one who loves him but has to alienate most of its members for responsibility reasons as a consequence of what should have been the crowning achievement of his life choices (which eventually is NOT one), he falls in love and they don’t drag the UST forever but they never get a chance to be together without small print in between, he chooses the admittedly most masochistic life he could for his family as well and half of them die and he can’t do a thing for the other half, every other mentor-like figure he runs into after ned dies, instead of finding validation he ends up having to isolate himself and on top of everything HE STILL DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW HE’S THE CHOSEN ONE™
so instead of his life going better the more he learns stuff and matures as a person, he gets murdered. by the people he trusts and who were supposed to be his new family. haha?
never mind that when he finds out he’s the Chosen One™ it won’t bring him closure because all he ever wanted was being full stark like his father/siblings and then bam he’s going to find out his father’s actually targaryen and what does that even mean to him?
on top of that being AA will just be a pain because I don’t believe for a second he’s not going to get leftover ptsd and who the hell is gonna help him deal with it? or how is he ever getting over his *brothers* murdering him? and people are going to ask stuff of him all over again and he’s gonna have to go slay a mythical monster and if I know grrm it’s not gonna be fun, pretty or cathartic FOR HIM
on top of that, Chosen Hero™ fulfills the prophecy and gets a realm to rule and everyone lives happily ever after. money is that if jon does get that realm (and I think he is because he has the best claim if he's legitimate and most likely it'll turn out he was on the targ side but ROBB also legitimized him so he has double the legitimization), he’s going to hate every second of it and he’ll take it because a) duty, b) literally no one else is available, and like this guy didn’t want to rule a realm or be a king or anything he just wanted to be a stark, and instead he’s going to have to after all that shit thanks to Magical And Noble Heritage he hadn’t even known he had and probably didn’t even want up to that point because since when jon wanted to be a targ? yeah since never
obviously I hope he manages to be somewhat happy regardless because the alternative is too miserable, but basically being a Chosen Hero™ is what makes jon’s life worse rather than better and the fact that hew went through all the regular self-discovery journey for the fantasy hero list doesn’t mean he’s not flipping that over in his sl. the fact that he stayed a decent person more or less throughout it and that he hasn’t turned into a bitter asshole also doesn’t change the main point XD
tldr: jon snow is not a typical fantasy hero because he deconstructs that trope into tiny little bits same as robb deconstructed the arthurian flawless king hero trope
now ^^^^^ THAT was what I originally wrote for that meta but adding on to what I said in those tags
okay so... there is a certain tendency to also make the chosen one™ special in the sense that he's kind of goals - good looking, rich or set to inherit, gallant, takes the initiative, he's like.. social or anyway immediately makes friends etc and all that jazz which jon... doesn't really fit
like jon is an introvert who immediately makes friends just with outcasts and his siblings also bc he feels like one but he's hardly a social butterfly and charms everyone wherever he walks by
I mean ffs says all that the only person he charmed in that sense is stannis who is the literal only person in charge in the books who is more introvert than him and has worse communication issues and appreciates ppl going straight to the point
on top of that in the book he looks like ned.... and arya looks like ned and ned isn't described as being particularly handsome that was brandon so he's not even like... I mean kit h. is v. pretty and I think he was a good choice for the role and I'll die on the hill that he was born to play that character and he did it well but book!jon doesn't have that kinda pretty face so the concept that he's the HOT alternative to anyone to me is kind of iffy bc he's not
he's shit at social interactions and at PR which is why robb and him would have been a key winning ticket like he has a better idea of the larger picture but robb would have actually made sure ppl didn't turn against them bc he actually was good at that but like he doesn't go around rallying armies in his name does he
the one time he's been with a girl it was ygritte and like he courted her without realizing it and then she had to pursue him and he barely knew wtf to do on top of the fact that they slept with ghost in the middle of them like a sword which..... is.... I mean sleeping with the sword in the middle was a thing to make sure the maiden stayed a maiden and he's the one who is like i CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER EVEN IF I WANT TO BECAUSE I'M TECHNICALLY SPYING ON THEM like... he's not... gallant-knight coded
never mind that the moment they do the do she basically does everything until he decides to try the oral which I mean... isn't exactly alphadominatingmale out of jon which is not a given with the trope he's supposed to represent like he's not smooth he's not suave he's like WHAT THE FUCK when ygritte tells him he has a pretty face bc most likely no one else told him that and he like... doesn't pursue people like that in general which is also not exactly 100% what that trope usually goes for
we can add that he has a lot of passive-aggressive little shit sarcasm in him that they didn't let him go for in the show but like... usually chosen heroes™ don't think what he thinks about selyse in general
we can also add that he's not automatically above being better than his position like... he doesn't take winterfell bc ygritte is dead but he did think he'd have taken the deal sansa or not if stannis had said he could marry her and not val and if she wasn't dead, he basically went off the rails at the dude he was fighting with thinking about robb telling him that he couldn't be lord of wf because he was a bastard and he's absolutely not in the frame of mind of 'well I was born a bastard who cares it doesn't define me'
he's obsessed to the point of unhealthy with actually being defined by it which is why he was better off with the wildlings aka the only idiots in the realm who don't gaf about that
and that's like... I mean usually if chosen ones™ have parental issues it's like 'you were an orphan and raised by asses who weren't your parents but your parents loved you and you'll find out at some point and you'll be happier for it and make your own family', jon is like... he has the mommy freudian issues of the century bc of how cat treated him, on the other side he's obsessed with living up to ned's/his father's name and he hates that it makes him not-belonging or that he feels like he doesn't even if he does with his siblings, and at the same time when the truth about it comes out he's going to get the cold shower of the century bc like
- he's spent all that time thinking BUT DID MY MOTHER WANT ME WHO WAS MY MOTHER and he's going to find out of who it was and how he was born and honestly considering that lyanna most likely did regret running with rhaegar the moment he finds that out and that she died birthing him how is he going to feel?
- also he spends his life wanting to live up to his 'father's' name aka ned aka someone known to be honorable to a fault and then it turns out his bio father is... the dude who started that entire rebellion not doing a very honorable thing?
- also if jon*erys is a thing idt that he'd take 'I fell in love with my aunt' so nonchalantly as he did in the show
tldr: he's never gonna get over his parental issues in a short time and when that particular brick hits him in the face it won't be pretty
like the entire point of jon is that he goes through all the chosenone™ cursus honorum as we'd call it in high school when studying latin but each step that means smth good for the usual chosenone™ to him is something bad, being one is not going to make his life better and throughout the entire thing he does not fit that stereotype when it comes to look, personality, basic traits and familial history and like hell he's going to have the happy ending tied up with the bow - like I think he gets a bittersweet one and eventually goes off with the wildlings bc he belongs there after being jon snow first of his name (bc like hell he's not reclaiming his bastard background at the end of this entire mess I'm eating my hat if he doesn't) after splitting the seven realms and fixing things but that's hardly the neat happy ending the chosenone™ usually gets so that's my two cents
... christ this was long *raises hands*
#jon snow#tagging for the lulz i guess#janie writes meta#ch: jon snow#long post for ts#tldr jon snow is a kurt cobain stan in disguise in westeros and chosenones™ aren't nirvana stan coded#and i'm dying on this hill xD
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Hi! A fan of your writing here. I just love the way you write Caroline. An Avoidable Heart is my comfort fic and I am constantly in awe with the way you write and craft the dynamics in that story. Caroline's inner monologue is just priceless and God! I just love that intro scene where Caroline is walking into the Mikaelson compound with vampires and hybrids in the surrounding ready to pounce on her.
I would love to hear how you would have visualized Caroline crossing over into TO or not? Like in what season and why? How it would have likely gone?
Thank you!
First of all lovely anon gimme a moment to breathe, asdfghjkl why are people so lovely 😭😭🥺✨ It means sooo much to me that you’d take the time to jump into my inbox and send these kind words, like please I’m not worthyyyyy, But you make me smile and feel really freaking warm so *handcuffs your hand to mine* you aint leaving 💖✨💞🙃
But OK ALSO oh my god dude THAT CAROLINE WALTZS INTO THE COMPOUND AND TAKES ON A COUPLE HUNDRED VAMPIRES BY HERSELF SCENE???? Ughhhhh I’m sorry but I have SUCH a boner for Caroline in that, like my badass -I admit kinda op- QUEEN IS HERE and she’s fucking shit up, I’m sorry but I love that scene so much it’s so dear to me I was killing myself over how self-indulgent and grossly Over powered Caroline is but like idgaf man it’s such a hot scene and Caroline is practically invincible and we just love to see that, so seriously lovely anon, you telling me you LOVE that scene??? Puts the biggest smile on my face and reassures me a LOT bc I was whining and cribbing over how absolutely unbalanced that scene is to literally everyone BUT LIKE YOU JUMPING OUT OF NOWHERE and pointing that exact scene UGHH…...meant to fucking be the both of us 💖💞✨
And ALSO Caroline’s monologue is quite honestly the easiest inner monologue out of the three voices I wrote for that work, Klaus’s is the real pain in the ass tbvh like it is NOT easy writing pretentious besotted losers with a Kardashian complex especially when you need to make them sound cool when they’re the lamest OP dude bros to ever exist - and no I don’t hate Klaus although I seem to try my darndest to convince ppl I do- I just personally believe that a feral fucker like that with a thousand years of existence under his belt can grow a pair and graduate from his kindergarten level of emotional maturity to adult sometime soon, But then on the flipside he’s so grossly adorkably smitten and feral for Caroline plus hella horny for her all the time that its usually easy to write the trashed and devoted idiot he is into something pretentious and powerful and potent when relating to his unflappable arrogance and his narcissism, but sometimes I also need him to be *deep* and ffs profound for the sake of the plot and jfc my muse just wont work with me on that, she’s like I’m sorry I’m not about to bust my ass to make this mongrel intelligible like no sir all I wanna do is make him uncomfortably horny for Caroline and leave him like that.
So smh yeah the struggle is real….but lmao Caroline is just so precious and fiercely protective and just so achingly lonely in that story, so desperate for connection and trust and intimacy yet so guarded and impervious to everyone like it hurts me to write her like that but it really challenges me as an author to balance out her inherent light with the “void” I create in her and through her, so yeah it’s a very fulfilling task and I wouldnt change it one bit, and also I had to balance out her physical op-ness w half a millennium of the ugliest emotional trauma lol so I guess that figures, but the point being….once again I am overjoyed knowing that you liked a facet of the story that I tried so hard to make as authentically Caroline and achingly real and moving as I can and I cannot possibly feel more accomplished than rn for it so ty ty ty ty for reaching out to me and telling me *tackle hugs* It makes me GIDDY knowing that you enjoyed that particular part of the story like ugh stab me please you're too sweet.
And ok NOW, coming to The Originals part of the ask, (also please note that when I say TO headcanon; Hope does not exist, Hayley is a dead in a ditch and ofc Klaus will stop being that lil bitch they tried to pawn off as Klaus in TO)
HEADCANON 1
Honestly my biggest headcanon when it comes to TO crossovers somehow always include non-humanity!Caroline like it’s just so perfect to me?? The opportunity to make shit BLOW UP b/w them like imagine the DEBAUCHERY, the heat, the SEXUAL TENSION, the repression of one Klaus Mikaelson, the EXPLORATIONS, and omg the role reversal when Klaus has to be the voice of moral reason between them and not bc he believes Caroline would not be able to stand herself if she does something heinous and monstrous but bc he wants her to be completely and utterly herself, and yk *aware*, when she DECIMATES ppl to the ground and is in full-on predator mode, like he wants her monster to come out and play with him when no part of Caroline is locked away or suppressed, so obviously when she is w/o her humanity KLAUS exercises restraint on her behalf, like can you imagine that, Klaus restraining himself and being the vague, extremely broken and just largely inaccurate moral compass between the two of them for ALL the wrong reasons- and the entirety of NOLA just standing there watching him herd this baby vampire who seems to be intent on riling him up and angering him when all she is doing is giving him a massive hybrid hard on, like IMAGINE THE GOODNESS of non-humanity Caroline wrecking NOLA and Klaus letting her wreck it bc he is helpless in the face of Caroline Forbes and also bc he is quite honestly *enjoying* the debauchery himself so why put a damper on the festivities.
-I might wanna add that I favour this headcanon a lot bc I genuinely do not even remotely *like* the idea of NOLA as Klaus's chosen place to set his roots so like I would love Caroline going to NOLA and destroying everything there just bc I detest NOLA and the storyline behind it in TO. (yes is it petty? Obvi, but like I am a petty soul and I make no apologies ma’am)
HEADCANON 2
So yeah that’s my main TO headcanon, but my other one being, one I talk about very frequently, scream about in tag rants to an obsessive level, and like this is a cracky one but still very valid, where Caroline rolls up to NOLA humanity intact and all, finds Hayley preggo and is just laughing her fucking ass off bc anybody ANYBODY, with half a brain and a two minute convo w klaus would know how UTTERLY stupid the entire baby shit is especially when it’s with an immemorable one night stand, and Caroline’s just losing her shit about how like an entire city is obssessed w this baby and she just straight up tells Klaus he’d SUCK as a dad (which he really does tho like he was a shitty fucking dad canonically too) and Klaus is just like *sigh* girl tell me about it. I mean basically he’s finally relieved that someone is on his side about the whole baby thing and how he definitely does not want his entire millennium of life to finally sum up to this one squalling leaking stinky infant/unicorn Hayley is apparently baking in her oven, and I say this headcanon is cracky bc klaus would never have put up w this mess long enough for Caroline to come in and sort it out, there’s this preferred method of disposal of his called heart ripping that would've been employed quite early on and honestly saved us all a lot of brain cells and minused years of life, bc let’s be real any Klaus who’s NOT a lil snivelling bitch wearing a Klaus skinsuit would’ve yeeted the baby and the mama first chance he got, and that’s just how I see it.
Lmao I really hope I didnt scare you away w my *strong* opinions Ik they can be a bit much but I enjoy having them so theyre not going anywhere, anyways this ask answer got WAYYYY too long but I’m hoping I answered your question well with this or atleast left you slightly confused and bemused over my feral screaming....either ways I’m really really really happy to have got your ask and the chance to rant so much bs, Twas cathartic and honestly I had nothing to do today so I was more than happy to dish this baby out for you. Thank you so much sweet anon for putting a smile on my face today I am absolutely HONOURED by your words you’sa cutie 💖💞✨🗣🗣
#first of all#LONG POST#second#I did rant a LOTTTT more than what was prolly expected but lmao am I sorry?#no#anyway so those are my general drivel-tastic thoughts straight from glitter graveyard brain#hope you enjo navigating through so much bs anon#and I hope someone puts a smile on your face that's as large and bright as the one you've put on mine today#anon asks#ask certified ceraunophile#anti the orginals#tvd headcanons#tvd#klaroline#anon youre the sweetest#shakes hand cuffed hand#you stuck w me lovely#💞💞
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Okay, doing this over here because my main tumblr is usually a place for me to vibe and I don’t want all the bullshit tied to that account, but basically: I’m really angry and disappointed with the dndads cast for how they’ve put a lot of the minors in their fanbase in danger. Everything below is a repost from twitter (with permission from the OP, crypticjoy), and I’ll link the thread in a reblog.
Under a cut because it’s long and potentially triggering (content warnings for grooming, sexualizing minors, and sexual assault)
[OP tagged the relevant cast accounts; I added slashes here bc I’m not sure if those same urls exist on tumblr and I don’t want to be randomly tagging people over here]
5:49 PM Sep 5, 2020
“I don’t usually do this, but: the way that the cast of @/dungeonsanddads engages with their audience is actively dangerous to minors, and they need to get it together. (cw for discussion of grooming, sexualizing minors, sexual assault)
First off, there are some iffy jokes and situations in the podcast itself. I’m not going to get into all of it right here, but have a google doc: [doc will also be linked in reblog]
Yes, the kids in #dndads are fictional, but that doesn’t mean this stuff doesn’t affect real kids listening. a. it normalizes talking/joking about kids in that way and b. There’s a lot of inconsistancy and confusion on the lines they draw--
Paeden saying “baby” is weird but Ron sitting in Terry Jr’s lap isn’t? I’m confused. You know who the fuck relies on that type of confusion and unclarity? Fucking predators
And I’m not saying every in-character decision has to be perfectly moral or acceptable, but the way the cast, out of character, discuss what’s weird and what’s not sends a lot of mixed messages. And that’s legitimately dangerous.
So then you take all of this, and you add a patron discord server that lets nsfw discussions run virtually unchecked--you create a fandom space that allows adults to discuss kinks, and porn searches, and just, all this other stuff, with teenagers...
... and it becomes a breeding ground for grooming and abuse.
The creators aren’t responsible for babysitting their fanbase or for how people engage with their content outside of their spaces (though, again, I’d urge them to be very careful about what kind of messages they’re sending)
But they ARE responsible for taking basic steps to keep the spaces that THEY create and engage with safe.
“But the rules for the server say 18+!” The rules say you have to be 18 *or have parental permission.* They also say to keep things PG-13. That’s vastly different than establishing something as an adult-only/nsfw space.
“Minors shouldn’t be joining/listening anyway!” The cast can’t control who listens and neither can I, but there’s a difference between knowing teens are listening to you discuss sex with your adult friends vs facilitating conversations between teens and adults on those topics.
“If people are uncomfortable they can just leave.” First off, this situation isn’t just uncomfortable, it’s unSAFE. Second: fuck that. It’s not on minors to set and maintain boundaries about this stuff; a lot of them literally do not know how
Not because they’re stupid, but because they’re young and inexperienced. It’s the responsibility of adults to set and enforce healthy boundaries around sexual discussions, and this particular group of adults has done a fucking terrible job
(Maybe don’t encourage listeners to DM you about kinks! Maybe especially don’t do that when you’ve communicated, intentionally or not, that making and escalating sexual jokes is a really good way to get a reaction from you guys)
I get that they didn’t expect to have so many young listeners, but to be aware of that fact and make no adjustments whatsoever is irresponsible and it WILL lead to someone getting hurt. Does their “young, thirsty, female” audience only exist to them when they can laugh about it?
And let’s be absolutely 1000% clear: this isn’t an issue they’re unaware of. The stuff I’m talking about is an ongoing problem with how their server is run, but it came to a head with one specific situation very recently:
They released a bonus, patron-exclusive episode about the dads taking the bdsm test. Given the general state of the server, I was worried about where those discussions might lead, so before it dropped, I reached out to @/anthony_burch to express my concern
He told me he raised the issue with @/fwong and Ashley, meaning at least three members of the dndads team were aware of the situation, and decided it didn’t warrant any type of preemptive action on their part
(alternatively, it means Anthony lied, which would be a whole separate issue)
[Image ID: a discord DM conversation from Sep 1, 2020, between a crossed out username and reverendanthony. It reads:
OP: heyyyyy have you guys considered that releasing an episode focused on the bdsm test is almost inevitably going to lead to a bunch of 15 year olds sharing their results in your server because you might want to get ahead of that before someone gets hurt
reverendanthony: oh holy shit, really good idea
OP: thanks, I know it's easy to veer into that territory just because of the nature of your show but I wanted to bring it to your attention because I figured you don't want to create a situation that's like, actively dangerous (and for the record I'm willing to discuss what I think would make it safer but I'm also not going to assume you want/need my input, obviously you can handle it however you see fit)
reverendanthony: No, thank you for bring it up, I really appreciate it -- I just raised the issue with Freddie and Ashley
OP: Good to know, thank you /End ID]
I’m not overreacting. I have seen this shit happen, to my friends and to myself, and watching the dndads cast take absolutely no meaningful action to prevent situations like that from occurring directly under their noses makes me fucking livid
I can guarantee that the #dungeonsanddaddies fanbase includes both predators and survivors of abuse, grooming, etc (including those currently living through it), and I need them to think very, very hard about which group they’re prioritizing.
And I need that choice to be evident through more than just their words, because it doesn’t fucking matter how much you “really appreciate” that I brought up my concerns if you do fuck-all to address them.
It doesn’t matter how many times you say the word “consent” if apparently everyone was okay that “Darryl gets sexually assaulted” was almost a plot point played for laughs.
(His dare from Scam would have been rape, straight up. Just because no one said the word doesn’t mean it wasn’t coercive and gross).
I’d like to think the @/dungeonsanddads cast isn’t intentionally encouraging abuse, but they’re sure as hell enabling it, and they needed to get their shit together ages ago, because they’re not the ones their negligence hurts.”
Quote retweet by OP 6:51 PM Sep 7, 2020
“So, they updated the rules for the patron server, but I want to be really clear that from my perspective, it’s way too little, way too late.
The new rules don’t adequately address the core issues and they certainly don’t absolve the cast of the harm they’ve already caused.
[Tweet includes 2 screenshots: one of a bot asking people to click thumbs up to confirm they’re 18+ (or have a parent’s permission) and agree to the rules, and one that includes two of the rules. It reads:
“This is an 18+ space. Them’s the rules: per Patreon’s policy, you must be 18+ or have parental permission.
Use language as if you’re at your parents dinner table. Don’t get people in trouble because of your SPICY POSTS. Keep conversation polite. NSFW content is not allowed!”]
(and before anyone says I should bring up my concerns privately, a quick refresher on how well that went last time I did it:)
[links back to the “(alternatively, it means Anthony lied . . .)” tweet from the original thread]
So hey, @/fwong, some thoughts:
1.The rules are vague and unclear: what /exactly/ do you mean when you say “NSFW content is not allowed!” when the content of your show itself is so often nsfw? And how are you planning to enforce this?
Does it mean you’ll shut down the MBIC conversation that is literally just kink discussion? I need you to be clear on where the line is, because, again, predators rely on that confusion. Don’t give them a gray area to play in.
For an example of a more clear policy, it’s pretty easy to say, “yep, ‘Henry gets pegged’ sure is a sentence we said on our show and you don’t have to pretend it’s not, but if you’d like to discuss it in any more detail at all, you need to move”
2. Remember how I said I needed to be clear on whether you’re prioritizing survivors or predators? While I doubt it was intentional, the language you’re using here is prioritizing predators.
It’s not “don’t get people in trouble,” it’s “don’t make people uncomfortable.” It’s “we all have a responsibility to make sure this space is safe for everyone, especially the younger members of the community.”
You’re setting people up to be afraid of expressing concerns for fear of “getting people in trouble” or “inciting unnecessary drama.” Even if it’s not what YOU meant, it’s very easy for those words to be manipulated, so +
You absolutely have to be explicitly clear that if someone expresses their discomfort, you’ve got their back. Being safe is more important than being polite.
3. I need every cast member to take responsibility for their own actions. I’ve gotten no indication from any of you that you understand the ways in which the in-show things I brought up were harmful.
Acknowledging that harm is important not just because of the immediate effects of that content, but also because it implicitly sets an example for how similar complaints should be dealt with going forward.
When someone says “hey, I was uncomfortable that you seem fine with the Glennary ship, because she reads as very young to me,” I don’t need a dissertation on how the perception of characters can evolve due to your improvisational nature
I need to hear “oh, I interpreted her differently, but you’re right, we should have been more clear, and I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable.” Because your responses to your own mistakes set the tone for any other situations like that going forward.
How comfortable is someone going to be with coming to you, or Ash, or any of the mods about someone making them uncomfortable if they’ve seen that when people call YOU out, they’re argued with and shut down?
Don’t tell people you’ve “made it clear that you won’t go there” when they tell you that you ARE there. Listen to them and do better.
Set the expectation that people will be respected when they raise their concerns. “If you want to come at me you have to bring the heat” is not an appropriate response on a subject that made people genuinely uncomfortable.
In essence: set people up to be supported and protected, not dismissed.
[It’s like a matriosche of tweets over here. This one links to another thread, also by crypticjoy. That thread reads:
A non-comprehensive guide to keeping discord servers safe for minors:
1. Make designated channels for nsfw/18+ discussion. Generally speaking, this is a lot more effective than banning those discussions altogether, because it’s a lot easier to say “hey, can you move this conversation?” than “hey, I need you to stop”
In fandom spaces, it’s usually a good idea to have separate channels for talking about nsfw fiction vs discussing your personal sex lives.
2. Give everyone minor/adult roles; make sure your 18+ channels are locked to people who don’t have an adult role. It’s important that there’s more of a barrier there than just checking a box.
3. NSFW channels shouldn’t necessarily be a free-for-all; be aware of people’s boundaries and respect them (for example, r*pe jokes aren’t funny or okay, even if you’re not making them around kids)
4. Explicitly state in your rules that people should feel free to come to mods if anyone is making them uncomfortable. Actually listen to people and resolve the situation if they do approach you.
5. Make it clear that creepy behavior via DMs or other means is also not tolerated--you can’t control what people do outside your server, but you can make the choice to not allow people like that in your space
6. Make sure mods are on top of things BEFORE people have to say anything; sometimes being a mod means being willing to be the “asshole” who shuts things down before they get out of hand, even if they’re not asked.
Be generally aware of signals that people are uncomfortable or that things are escalating too far, and address those situations sooner rather than later.
*It should be noted that safety involves a lot of components beyond just containing nsfw discussions; this thread just happens to be focused on that one specific element.
oh also! It's a good idea to provide resources on grooming so people know what to look out for [links to some resources; again, this’ll be in the reblog]]
So, @/dungeonsanddads, if you’re interested in anything beyond just having a flimsy excuse you can point to to cover your own ass, I’m gonna need you to try again.
Sorry I can’t be nicer about it, but I’ve given so many benefits of the doubt I could be running a successful charity, and this isn’t an issue I’m willing to drop.
10:02 PM
Thought I was done but actually I've got a few more questions: to what extent were @/HeyBethMay, @/WillBCampos, and @/mattLarnold included in conversations about this issue/the new rules? Is this something your whole team is involved in?
Have you discussed what you're doing on a team and individual basis to keep your fan interactions safe, and are you on the same page about how much it matters? Are you holding each other accountable? Is everyone okay with where this ended up?”
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Hi Morgan, what do you think about this post? I try to support writers on here as much as I can by reblogging but sometimes I forget and it makes me feel bad when I see these posts :/
anon i don't think op is trying to guilt trip you or anything, i think they're more or less stating an actual point that readers have been rebloging and liking posts less and less while demanding more content, which is a big reason as to why a lot of writers have been leaving. instead of thinking of it as a personal attack, you should take the feelings of a lot of writers on here into consideration and try to understand them.
as to the main point, yes i agree with op but i’m pretty much undecided on the rest of it haha
I understand op wanting to distinguish between different types of posts but I don’t think I completely agree with not including prompts/headcanons/drabbles in the x reader tag. Those posts ARE x reader...unless op is saying that the only posts that should be in the x reader tag should be fics but also I've been tagging all of the aforementioned as x reader for years and I've seen them being tagged as so by others for years so I don't quite understand where this idea came from that it shouldn't be. i think there’s more of an issue in ppl mass spamming different character tags on their posts than i think there’s a problem in ppl tagging their nonfics as x reader. i get it means less exposure, but you also can’t really force people to read one’s long fic either whether or not it stays at the top of the tags for long...
but also i think my perspective is pretty much limited as to what the fandom’s general consensus on what tagging should be bc i don’t interact with fandom as much, but the lack of interaction (and yeah i think it’s more of a lack of interaction rather than exposure that’s the problem tbh they’re related but not necessarily correlated) that a lot of long fics receive is a problem and warrants a discussion or two.
I think another reason as to why i’m kinda confused is because I thought 'imagines' and 'x reader' are pretty much synonymous when it comes to tagging reader inserts on tumblr. it’s been so long since i’ve been actively searching for fics in the tags but op could might be referring to the one or two sentence "imagine your favorite character..." blurbs that i've seen floating around here or there. also i've also seen prompts turned into fully fleshed out fics, and headcanons have always been in the x reader tag too so?? 😭 maybe my idea of drabbles/prompts/hcs are different from other people’s who knows
I understand op’s point that a lot of ppl have capitalized on so called ‘short fics’ most of which utilize the following formula: short, usually headcanon-like, and nsfw to gather as much as notes as possible but those are STILL x readers unless op and the fandom want to redefine the entire established x reader tagging system? granted, it’s a good idea but it’s also an idea that not everyone is going to adhere to. just look at how much DC in the tags are unproperly tagged
honestly, i think it’s an injustice that a couple of sentences can get 4K notes while one of the most stunning long fics I've ever read gets maybe 50 but I feel like at this point no amount of complaining and venting is ever going to spur people into reblogging and liking, or even reading the fic. this isn’t me saying that writers don’t deserve to be upset that something they put their heart and soul into isn't getting notes, i just think there’s a fundamental problem with the way ppl interact with fics and take them for granted in general. i’m just resigned atp to cringing every time I see my couple hundred nsfw get more notes any other thing ive written rip
also to me a reader insert has always been a character in of itself. like there is absolutely no way to make a reader so vague so the many people reading it can imagine themselves as the reader. literally just no way. i think the in the end the goal with any reader insert is that your readers can project onto and connect with the mc whether that be their worries or insecurities or joy, etc. i think one of the benefits of writing a reader insert is that it’s more flexible. instead of projecting onto and making a canon character OOC to write them in a ship, you can just write a x reader or even an OC. i personally have never envisioned myself as a reader. to me, the reader is just another character. that’s why ultimately, i believe that everything and anything written in the second person format is a reader insert. that’s the conclusion i came to after spending my time on quizilla, quotev, and lunaescence anyway lolllllll it’s also why i prefer named mc’s when reading reader inserts tbh. i dislike (y/n) because i don’t like inserting my name into anything. i just replace it with some some generic name instead
ANYWAY!!
i definitely rambled in this one, it’s just interesting to see everyone’s perspective on fandom and tagging culture. long fics really do deserve attention and exposure. some ppl write 40k+ words!! for free!!! make sure you let your favorite writers know you appreciate their hard work!! even a few words in the askbox can make their day and it doesn’t even take long. i feel like that’s the least ppl can do!!!
#it's interesting to map out the trajectory of fandom because it's constantly changing#mb this is just my opinion but i appreciate asks and comments much more than i do likes and reblogs#haha this was long......is this discourse?#i just finished reading like 80 pages of dense ass theory my eyes are spinning#sorry if this doesn't make sense#oh oh!!! I also think it's interesting how we've started to see this trend of making detailed reader inserts rather recently#I rmb when it was either making the mc as neutral as possible /only outwardly fleshing them out / going all in with the detail#though the last one wasn't as prolific in older fandom spaces#when I was on Luna (rip) a lot of ppl did drabble fics with different prompts#and that setup allowed them to write easily integratable mc's for a single chapter w/o rlly elaborating on them#discourse
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1, 10, 11, and 12 for the ask game ? 😺🙏💟
Hi hi hi!! You're getting long answers to these bc any excuse to talk about this man makes me go crazy stupid 🙌🙌🙌💕
1) What's a Hot Take you have about your f/o?
HE👏IS👏NEURODIVERGENT!! I'm specifically talking adhd, but he checks a lot of boxes for something more ambiguous too. I'm actually rewriting my adhd sh.aiapouf post and I'm gonna put it here too, but the cut time version IS: noticeable hyperfixations/special interests in music and the monarchy, practically no empathy + has difficulty understanding the emotions of others, fast thinking + thinks a LOT, almost weirdly analytical + book smart with little to no interpersonal skills, extreme emotions all over the board, like there's a LOT here and it explains like 80% of why he's Like That 😤
10) How did you feel when you realized "oh of course I had to like That Character"?
Okay I have a lot to say on this one djnfkffk please bear with me as I write a whole novel
✌U_U ✌
Honestly,, , I wasn't happy LMAOOO, around the time I watched the anime for the first time i was actually still pretty into j.jba and unfortunately was really into dio U_U
I was fascinated by pouf as soon as I saw him in the opening, lots of neat ant designs and then this butterfly man?? I need to know everything about him 👀 His intro with the rainbows in the wings, the fairy chimes, the solo violin, all had me like 👁👁 Sir I Am Going To Study You Like The Insect You Are, and then I saw him actually play the violin and was sold lmao. He was funny as far as comic relief went and then? The giant improv ballet breakdown and antagonistic turn drew me in further and then I was invested in a no going back sorta way as soon as he went chibi for the first time, just watching the chaos of the entire scene with this ridiculous huge grin dhjdkxkf every single thing he did was in the extremes and it was like watching a train de-rail in real time, I saw him face down in the dirt at the end of the arc and didn't even feel anything, he was just so WILD
So I finish h.xh not too long after that and texted a friend and was like hmmm. I need to watch j.jba to return to my roots and also to forget that I think I might've accidentally given myself a lil crush on the butterfly man 😳 idk if that return ever happened but I DO remember being frustrated with how pretty he is,, I didn't really wanna shift hyperfixations at the time and also didn't know if it was attraction or gender envy bc. what I would give to simultaneously look so fem and so masc 👁 either way it was a 3 month struggle of "oh no oh my god I wanna kiss a bug so bad?? 😞" and then I caved at midnight in a denny's and was like okay. fine. I'm gay for a bug, I really really like him but *i* don't have to like that 😤
I did, in fact, proceed to like it, enough to make an entire separate blog for him. It was a slow progression of "I mean, I'd share a ballroom dance with him, like a waltz maybe", "hmm okay he's funny but whatever", "oh uh. he uh. I mean he's neat, a lot of people didn't like him but I just think he's an interesting character 😳" and. and then I finally caved and I never stopped talking sjdkfkf though to be fair, I was already talking about him a LOT on my main, I just decided that maybe it would be nice to have a space to just. contain 90% of my poufposting LMAOOO
Final note on this, but I think what really got me is how many characters are in this series and yet I gravitated towards the one no one could stand 😞✌ though to be fair the hatred for him has definitely gone down compared to what I can remember from a few years ago; absolutely does not change the fact that He Is The Way He Is, but I saw the war crimes, malice, potentially treason, and I won't name it but it's by far the most uncomfortable thing to sit through in the arc, I saw ALL of that and still went hmmmm yes I want that one U_U true love huh
11) Do you think it's better to have copious amounts of content for your f/o, even with the risk of finding a lot of ship art, or better to have a lot less?
The art situation with him is strange bc there's a decent enough to be notable amount of art of him captioned with some variation of "I hated him but he had a really cool character design", but it's still content. Surprisingly, I actually don't track the tag for him but take a look at it anyways almost every day and there's maybe one new thing there like once a week, minimal content bc so many people just didn't like him, which is fair!! But also, he was definitely there as a prominent character, I'd just like to see more of him U_U I would put more art here but I'm too conscious of the art ops seeing my bs over here jdkdkfkk
There actually are a handful of ship art drawings of him, which astounds me bc this man wasn't there to make friends, not even with his own siblings :/, but the errant art of him with morel or kite is honestly pretty cute, please just let this man be happy, I love to see him smile 🥺
12) Aren't you tired of being nice? This is an excuse to rant.
He wasn't the worst guard!! All three had reasons for doing what they did and arguably, pouf's motives were the most complex. Yes he did some pretty awful things, but he considered them to be the right thing to do without a doubt in his mind, all his actions were selfish in that they were based off his own feelings, but he did things ultimately for the king, so his actions also had an edge of selflessness to them as well. He was just. so much more than annoying and while his character development wasn't positive, it was still some pretty astounding growth; as an antagonist, he's also fairly plausible 👀 sometimes people just are manipulative, sometimes feelings do get the better of you, pouf just has all those factors amped up to 11 at all times so they're magnified. I have. a lot of thoughts on him, he interests me very much 😞👀🤔👀
#i am saying so much!! he is very meaningful to me!!#he resonates with me on a weirdly intimate level and while i still don't totally know how to take that#i suppose it's pretty neat nonetheless; i have MANY thoughts about him and i love being able to share them lmao#ty for the ask!!!! ❤💕#lovebug#asks
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SnK Episode 65 Poll Results (for Anime Only Watchers)
The poll closed with 98 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!
Please note that these are the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Manga Readers’ poll, click here.
Anime only watchers, beware of spoilers if you venture over to the manga readers’ poll results.
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RATE THE EPISODE
94 Responses
Although a bit muted compared to last week, the response to this episode was still overwhelmingly positive, with 96.8% of people giving it a rating of 3 and higher. MAPPA’s on a roll!
Amazing!!!!
i just wanna see more!! 20 minutes is not enough. its too good
Awesome episode! Great pacing and the cgi was not too noticeable.
WAAAAYYYYY TOO HYPE
WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE?
93 Responses
Mikasa and Levi took the spotlight this week! 30.1% of viewers felt most hyped up by Mikasa’s “explosive” reintroduction to the anime, while 22.6% were stoked to see Levi take on Porco to save Eren. 18.3% were most hyped by the Survey Corps taking on the Jaw Titan and the subsequent cliffhanger.
THE CGI CONTINUES TO BE A POINT OF CONTENTION. BE HONEST, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE EXECUTION OF CGI SO FAR THIS SEASON?
93 Responses
Just under 50% of responses seemed to indicate that they thought MAPPA was doing very well with the CGI utilized. A little over 15% stated that although it was not their favorite, they understood that it could be a lot worse. Other responses (in order) were being neutral about the CGI, not liking it, but understanding the need for its usage and folks who adamantly rejected 3D animation.
I actually prefer CGI titans because of the way their movements looks, it looks almost slower, to me it fits very well with how the big titans are. Im not an anime guy at all so ive never seen cgi in other anime but i really like the way Mappa's CGI looks, it blends in very well. I dont like CGI people though, the shot with Jean throwing the marly soldier off the rooftop i didn't like very much.
I feel horrible saying this believe me... but I really vibed with the CGI up until this episode. I think maybe because it's the first time its been used on humans (OPM) rather then titans. I'm not massively put off though, I really apreciate the efforts this episode must have taken. TY Mappa
The episode is great no doubt, my only concern is the CG personally, as a 3D artist myself, I think I would prefer an all 2D medium like the battle at Stohess. Using 3D is fine as long as it blends seamlessly to the background, like kengan ashura, it's not perfect but bearable.
I honestly think that 2D will always 100% be better than cgi but I can understand why mappa is using cgi
It was fine in the other episodes, but in this episode, it looked overused and bit bad
HOW WAS EREN’S ROOFTOP SWAN DIVE?
94 Responses
When it came down to Eren’s swan rooftop dive (“Like a fallennn angel…”), the majority seemed to be impressed, with 68% giving it a score of 4 or higher. It was not a monolithic opinion however and many seemed also rated it poorly. Do better, Eren!
WHICH RETURNING CHARACTER’S ENTRANCE WAS YOUR FAVORITE IN THIS EPISODE?
94 Responses
The Survey Corps has returned! Of these reappearances, viewers most enjoyed Mikasa’s (48.9%), Levi’s (31.9%) and Sasha’s (14.9%) the most. Jean and Connie got a little less love, though we’re sure people were still happy to see them!
WHICH RETURNING CHARACTERS HAS THE BEST GLOW UP?
93 Responses
It would appear that the slight plurality sees Mikasa as having the best glow up out of the cast, followed by (in order) Eren, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Floch and Levi. The Old Captain doesn’t like to change up his style, we suppose.
Eren didn't have a glow up- he had a glow down.
Mikasa can stomp on me please god
OF ALL THE ORIGINAL CAST, WE STILL HAVE NOT SEEM ARMIN, HANGE OR HISTORIA YET. WHICH OF THE THREE ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING NEXT?
93 Responses
In relation to the previous question, we still haven’t seen 3 major members of the cast. Armin, Hange and Historia. When we asked which of the three you were most looking forward to seeing next, the slight majority (52.7%) expressed their excitement for seeing Armin again, followed by 11.8% wanting to see Hange most. Some others have also expressed their desire to see Historia again. 17.2% simply could not choose and 10.8% stated that they simply didn’t care about the 3 characters.
WHAT DID YOU THINK ABOUT THE WARHAMMER TITAN?
90 Responses
The Warhammer received an overwhelmingly positive response, with the majority expressing much excitement over both its design and powers. 15.6% noted that the design was a bit too creepy for their liking, but the powers were awesome. And on the flip side, 10% noted the Titan’s design was rather cool, in contrast to its rather OP ability. A select few did not enjoy either aspect.
Would probably enjoy it more if it belonged to someone that likely is not going to be just cannon fodder
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE NEW UNIFORMS?
92 Responses
The Survey Corps returned sporting new uniforms to much fanfare. 30.4% of respondents really enjoy the upgrade, finding the suits to be badass. 23.9% couldn’t find the words and just settled for pure hype. 20.7% enjoy the new uniforms just as much as they enjoy the classic uniforms. 12% felt it was a much needed upgrade, though 10.9% don’t care at all about the uniform change.
I like both but I prefer the old design
EREN SAYS TO MIKASA, “YOU GUYS ACTUALLY CAME.” THIS IS FOLLOWED UP BY MIKASA ASKING EREN TO COME HOME. DOES THIS INSINUATE THAT EREN WENT TO THE MAINLAND ON HIS OWN?
90 Responses
The circumstances of the Survey Corps’ presence on the mainland continues to be a mystery. When we asked about whether Eren was there alone or not a few episodes ago, the majority believed that he was either there alongside the Survey Corps or was sent there by them. Overall, the feelings seem to be the same (that Eren came alongside the Survey Corps). 45.6% think that Mikasa’s words may have some other meaning and that things are way too planned out to be coincidence. 18.9% believe that Eren did go rogue, while 15.6% think that Eren didn’t necessarily go rogue, but wasn’t working with them for a while either. The remaining 20% have already been spoiled on this particular plot point.
THE ATTACK ON LIBERIO SEEMS TO PARALLEL THE BREACH OF SHIGANSHINA. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS EVENT IN COMPARISON?
92 Responses
Now that both sides of the conflict have had their rude awakening, we asked how you guys felt about the two events comparatively. 33.7% feel that both attacks were tragic, but still feel more empathy toward the Eldians on Paradis than they do toward those who were raised on Marley. At a tie, 22.8% of respondents felt that the victims of the Liberio attack got what was coming with them, while another 22.8% felt about the same amount of sympathy for the victims on both sides. 10.9% feel this is way worse than what happened in Shiganshina and feel more sympathy for the victims in Liberio.
I am yet to know the goals behind this attack.
Marley did this countless times so I don’t feel bad for them. I kind of feel for eldians tho bc they are brainwashed from a young age to give up their lives for a country who doesn’t give a shit about them.
Honestly they deserve what Eren is doing to them. Excluding Falco, no one outside of Paradis has earned my sympathy, even with the additional context.
SADLY, UDO AND ZOFIA DID NOT SURVIVE THE ATTACK ON LIBERIO. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THEIR DEATHS?
91 Responses
Udo and Zofia have joined the ranks of characters who tagged along with the main cast for a while only to be killed off for character development. 25.3% anticipated at least one of them to die, but not both. Another tie on this poll, 24.2% stated that they were disappointed and was hoping to see more of them, while another 24.2% didn’t care about them at all. 14.3% are happy to ditch the focus on them in favor of more familiar characters, and 8.8% feel pure and utter devastation.
Good riddance Warrior scum
Sad but allows for Gabi’s development
sad but okay. death is common in this anime.
EREN AND FLOCH’S LAST INTERACTION IN S3 WAS A VERY TENSE ARGUMENT. NOW IT SEEMS FLOCH IS DEDICATED TO EREN’S CALL TO ACTION, SHIFTING THE “NECESSARY DEVIL” STATUS FROM ERWIN ONTO HIM. WHAT DO YOU THINK THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS LIKE NOW?
91 Responses
Eren and Floch were anything but BFF’s at the closing of season 3. Now Floch seems to be wholly devoted to Eren’s cause… What changed? 28.6% believe that nothing has actually changed in terms of their relationship, but that Floch simply just latched onto Eren’s fight in need of a new devil. 23.1% feel that they still aren’t friends, but are in more comfortable “ally” territory. 15.4% aren’t sure what to make of it. Smaller handfuls feel that they either grew to become friends and/or co-conspired to attack Liberio together. 22% are already spoiled on the details.
Floch is easily persuaded...and annoying 🤷♀️
WE SEE GABI GRAB THE GUARD’S FUN AFTER WITNESSING SASHA KILL HIM. WHAT DO YOU THINK MIGHT HAPPEN?
90 Responses
Gabi moves headstrong into the fight, wanting to play her part in defending her hometown. A large chunk of anime only viewers have been spoiled on future developments for her character. But for those still in the dark - 24.4% feel that she will successfully kill a member of the Survey Corps. 21.1% aren’t sure what to expect, while 10% think she will only manage to injure someone in the Survey Corps. Smaller amounts feel she won’t be successful in any capacity or may even die herself.
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?
Epic episode, survey corps come back, OH YEAH, but I wished they didn’t use CGI on humans and bettered the CGI on Titans.
It really makes me sad how Eren is continuing the cycle of revenge by killing innocent Marleyan civilians, but it makes sense for his character.
Real cool ep but w h e r e a r m i n
It sucks that I like the warriors and the Corp bc both of them are victims in different way so seeing them have to go head to head sucks. They all deserve better
SO great I loved it! However, I missed Reiner, Falco, and Zeke. I hope they're okay :-) RIP Udo and Zofia :-(
I think I need more dialogue between the old crew to really settle back in with them. I kinda believe that Mappa's still trying to 'click', they obviously can't just get it right immediately. Other then that I loved the titan scenes, more than ODM scenes 😔
This was a great episode and I was literally vibrating in my seat from excitement! I think MAPPA is doing a great job with the animation and the music works really well with the action. Can’t wait for the rest of the season!
I miss wit studio
Willy seems to have his first daughter really early, he looks like 30 !
I’d say the episode as a whole is a solid 8-9/10, the cgi in some parts really ruins the moment for me
WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES?
88 Responses
Thanks again to everyone who participated!
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blocks @/photosthatarensfw aka @/highladysith
TW antiblackness
[Image description: a reblog by @/osha-unofficial that says “Who is their manager.”, which is reblogged and replied to by @/photosthatarensfw saying “You want their manager? ok karen”. End description.]
A few weeks ago I sent them an ask replying to this comment of theirs, letting them know that if she’s not Black and especially if she’s white she shouldn’t be using Karen like that, it’s not for us. I had been optimistic that they would respond well given that they hadn’t used any other AAVE in the posts of hers I’d seen. They never published the ask.
Fast forward to yesterday where they asked if people would be interested in buying merch from them. I sent an admittedly pissed off ask and this is how they replied.
[Image description: an anon that says “I wouldn’t buy pins/stickers if the procedes go to you bc i sent you an ask about whether or not you’re Black bc you used AAVE and I never saw u answer it. If u did answer it and correct yourself or u r Black yes I’d buy.” Her reply reads “K”. End description.]
And I wrote that pretty late, I didn’t really remember if she’d used more AAVE or what the original instance was and I should have been polite and ask whether or not they got my ask. I do deeply regret this ask, but now that the cat’s out of the bag, OP is addressing it and showing what they think.
This is the reply they reblogged to the ask.
[Image description: The main text reads “Sorry I didn’t answer your anon, I tend to delete baity asks”. The tags read “There’s literally nothing I can say to make you think I’m not an asshole”. End description.]
Which given how I worded the ask I would take into consideration if she was confronting the issue of appropriation. I did not say what I should have, that I hadn’t noticed if they’d used more AAVE, but she should have addressed the issue at this point in our interaction. Furthermore, there absolutely ARE ways to convince me you’re not an asshole, which include owning up and moving on with composure and respect, and my second anon was worded in a way that could be read as bait, whereas, while I don’t remember the exact wording, I hope and believe my original ask was probably simply pointing out a fact.
And now is where all of the assumptions really come in, which is driving me up the fucking wall.
[Image description: an anon that says “if you said you’re black then they’d want photo evidence and throw a fit if you didn’t provide evidence. if you said your not black then they’d “cancel” you. there’s no winning”. OP replies “Exactly”. The tags read “It’s pretty obvious what my main blog is tho so. If they wanted to know they could easily figure it out. (I literally said Karen once) (that’s why they’re mad at me)”. End description.]
WHICH LIKE?? WHAT THE FUCK??
I never hinted that I wanted photo evidence, I wouldn’t have because that’s just too much, too invasive, and I’m trusting of people. I understand that it’s a trend that people will get deplatformed for minor things but the assumption that this case was that is inaccurate. Secondly, they do not have an about page on that blog and I am almost exclusively on Tumblr mobile.
I told her that on anon this morning, as well as the fact that I understood that if she is Black (or a person of color, though I forgot to mention that in the message), then answering would have put her at undue risk and it was fine if she just corrected themself. I said this all civilly and well rested. They have not published that ask yet.
I am also not mad about the unknowing use of AAVE, I am mad about the lack of addressing it now that the conversation is being had, which I believe I had communicated. I really shouldn’t have been mad when sending the second ask because I couldn’t remember if she’d used it recently, but even when sending that ask my anger was due to them not taking accountability, not from the one instance itself.
And then there was this ask.
[Image description: an anon that says “What good comes from demanding to know someones skin colour? You arent a mega corp masquerading as someone who gives a shit, just an independent content creator. I genuinely worry that people cant see nuance in “support black businesses”.” Their reply is “They’re literally just mad I said Karen once so”. End description.]
Which just ignores the whole point of wanting to avoid giving racist people a platform or money, or holding each other accountable. And once again she is deflecting to me being mad over one word instead of taking accountability or addressing the appropriation.
They also allowed jokes to be made on the ask of mine they posted.
[Image description: A reblog by @/photosthatarensfw with a screenshot of a reply by @/verisoran that says “On the plus side, this behavior from teh anon fits the sub, as it is decidedly nsfw”. OP’s reply is “did you just call me a sub?” and their tags are the joking tone indicator and “I am not submissive and breedable”. End description]
I didn’t remember that author portraits are a thing on desktop dashboard, which is the only place you can see who they are. Their main blog, @/highladysith, does not have an about page either, and her race is not listed in their bio, but they do have a profile picture with a face in it, so, given the tags of that last ask, I’m assuming this is them.
[Image description: A photo of a young bleach-blonde white person with a sparkly filter applied. End description.]
They still have not addressed the use of AAVE even though I sent them this article about an hour ago, and of the 4 anons I sent I sent (the third message wis split between two asks), she has only published the aggressive one, painting me purely as a demanding and invasive aggressor.
[Image description: a reblog by @/penrosetri-jay-ngle that says “I feel like we’re getting a little too comfortable demanding people share personal information on the internet in order to prove themselves Unproblematic”. End description.]
Given that this is the only discussion of racism on her blog as far as I’ve seen, they’re also only portraying the outcry against this appropriating in a negative light.
They’re one of those people that posts about antiblack violence but immediately argues at recommendations to listen to Black people.
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good time
gryffindor!shownu x yourhouse!reader (moodboard)
word account: 1.7k ops
tags: FRIENDS-TO-LOVERS!AU DEAL WITH IT; fluff ;kinda angst; making out ( maybe more but not explicit); violence; shownu being badass hot and a soft bear!!! pls be careful to not bust all your uwus.
I am so sorry if you guys don’t like drabbles, but seems like i’m an anxious person and i like to rush stuff so,,, sorry ig :3
a normal day for you, going to your potion class just living your life
then this stupid ravenclaw boy with his crew start to shout out offensive things to you because you were a half-blood.
little did he know that, for more than 30 years, bullying and segregation about blood type were not allowed anymore in Hogwarts, thanks merlin.
one of the teachers petrified them, for one hour and they were taken to the director after.
all my friends asked if you were alright and you just nod. ugh, honestly? people are still like this? this is so overpassed.
anyways this day ended quickly and soon you apparate yourself to the centre of London with some friends. It's Friday, club day!
Little did you know what would happen.
before all the mess, let me explain who is shownu
he is, of course, the Quidditch main player, the leader, but he is also a very nice guy. But what no one understands is that he is very reticent and discreet, different from the other jocks. He does date some girls, but the regular type ones, he doesn't claim for attention and: he is everyone type. Smart, tall, handsome, has manners, athletic, good with spells and love all magical creatures of the school.
back to the club, after one hour you could find yourself wasted.
YES, this was a muggle club and that's what you love, people who don't know about your big secret and have no idea how to judge you because, honestly, they don't care.
So you find yourself dancing with strangers and receive a text from your friends. one of the Slytherin girls were not okay and they rushed to Hogwarts without you, but hey, they found a familiar face and asked him to find me. What a nice idea.
You were not mad, after all, it's normal for you always be alone and you enjoy it a bit.
So, after ten minutes, this hella cute guy called Kihyun was offering you a drink, he seems familiar but you said "no thanks", and of course he understood.
you needed some air, so you went to the roof aka the smoking area
"oh finally"
you turned your head, finding shownu brown eyes.
damn, he was hot, leather jacket, dark jeans and a cigarette in his mouth.
" shownu? wait,, you are the familiar face that will keep me company while my weak friends can't take two shots of vodka?"
he smirks at your comment, nodding to you while discarding the rest of the cigarette
sh: "my friends left me too, so here we are"
you: " wow the mr.athlete smokes?"
sh : " and the Mrs.top notes like to go clubbing every Friday? we discover crazy things every day"
you could only laugh and little did you know that he took a little note on is thoughts about how pretty were you smiling.
he asked you if you wanted to dance more or walk around the streets of London and maybe, grab something to eat.
you liked the idea of a little adventure with shownu, and also, food is always the number one.
so that's when your friendship with him started. you both talked about yourselves, your houses, friends and even the incident you lived this morning, he was very horrified with that, making him frown and being absolutely adorable.
since this day, you both saw each other almost every day
you helped him with his grades and the O.W.LS
he used to call you to watch his games and well, we all know you two were in love with each other
but of course, you dumbasses couldn't see that so, the summer arrived and your friends made up a plan
do you think a house with a lot of teenagers, in a magic beach, were all the wizards go in summer would be a great plan to get you both together? idk but let's go I guess.
so you proposed something for your group, including shownu's friends as well ( cofcof kihyun which is weird but he is your friend now).
" no magic"
"WHAT" everyone, except for shownu, who was smiling, screams
"c'mon! the house and everything are already enchanted! plus, car rides!"
" but the food and the train?"
" Okay, these too can be magic but only!"
everyone agreed because sometimes its nice to not use magic you know?
when you all arrive at the house, the bags and your belongs were already flying and organizing themselves by magic. Lame, you thought.
"Hey" shownu put his arm around your neck " want to give a lot at the beach"
you: " sure,," godgodgodgod
it was genuinely nice, walking in the sand while talking what do you expect in these two weeks, shownu offered to hold your shoe and god, he smells good. Sorry, any way
you both didn't have a lot of time alone this week, but even tho, shownu held your hand in the forest train, trowed water in you at the waterfall and also kept watching your body in that bikini hihi
he made sure to stay by your side in all the games and even when you were bronzing yourself in the sand, reading an ordinary book. He also would sneak around at night with you just to see the stars or smoke a bit.
so, the truth or dare game has arrived I am sorry for the cliche
OH NO, you were picked
"y/n I dare you to... okay I will be nice, just hold shownu's hands the whole game"
that was safe, you have held his hands already and shownu was very affectional with everyone so, no big deal right? NO BC YOU BOTH WERE SWEATING AND BLUSHING HARD
game is going and you couldn't look at his face, even knowing that he was looking at you.
" shownu, I dare you to tell y/n about what you feel about her" minhyuk is the DEVIL itself.
shownu didn't even hesitate, he smiled at you and whispered: " every time with you is a good time, you know?"
I AM LOSING MY SHIT FUCKFUCJFUFNENENN ok
it was clear that you HAVE to get the fuck out of there.
so you just do, like a clown, stand up and run away in the beach
edeudbnebd what a jerk
shownu has no idea of what to do, were you upset? he should have told you he likes u? do you have feelings for him? he is freaking out
so he finds you bellow a tree, looking at the waves
sh: " hey..."
you: " hi..."
sh: " look, I'm sorry if what I said-"
you: "Ilikeyou"
he just stares at you, smiling slowly
sh: " that's what I said"
you: "no, you said that every time with me is a good time"
sh: " isn't it the same but more poetic?" you laugh because he is so silly
and that makes you heart race and the blood of your face go directly to your cheeks burning
sh: " Can I kiss you?"
oh damn
he was getting closer and you could feel how hot his body was when he delicately touched your cheeks, his chocolate eyes searching for your response.
You, into almost a spell that he had, nodded quietly.
when his lips touched yours, you could feel your head spinning but in an amazing way, you were so captivated by the ways his soft lips were dancing against yours, the way his hand were found now at your waits and how soft was his hair between your fingers
is this a dream? cause looks like one in your head.
he distanced himself a bit, smiling widely, what an image my friend.
sh: " we could get out of here and..."
you: " makeout in some free room? agree"
you stand up and offered your help for him to stand.
sh: " reading minds now huh?"
you: " you didn't like it?"
he hugged you from behind, whispering close to your ear: "I will show you what I like soon"
bitchwhat
you both just run into the house, your friends looking at you both at the door with the biggest poker faces ever while you both just laugh and run upstairs, opening your room and locking it ;)
shownu wasted no time, he sits on the edge of the bed, already putting you on his lap, locking your lips in his again as his life depends on it.
God he was so hot, the messy hair, the plushie lips, the way he smirks, the way his strong hands grip your thighs and your waist, travelling everywhere but careful to not scare you, he is so gentle!!!!
you can resist and start to kiss his neck and you could feel him whimper while tensing his body. he returns the favour, kissing you neck back and giving soft bites, that's when you lose your shit and starts unconsciously griding on him, feeling him, got harder by your movements and a low moan leaves your mouth
you can feel shownu smirking and kissing your neck, collarbones and the curves of your breasts, making you wetter and wetter.
sh: " do you want to keep this going? because I have been wanting this" he squeezes your butt strongly, making you moan again " wanting you... so badly y/n"
you kiss him slowly again, whispering " I am yours already baby, and I am sure"
you can imagine the rest right?
the next day, your roommate was mad at you but, no regrets. even with kihyun and jooheons dirty comments, you can only be happy to be dating shownu.
he was so sweet and lovely you
both spend the rest of the summer going out together and going to clubs and pubs
he even taught you how to fly in a broom like a player
it's strange how he became your best friend and also is your boyfriend
and even sometimes fighting for silly things, nothing serious, everything seems so natural and peaceful with him
you: " babe "
sh: " yes, love?"
you: "every time with you is a good time"
sh: "I love you too baby".
#monsta x#mx#monsta x imagine#monsta x drabble#monsta x fluff#monsta x scenarios#monsta x scenario#monsta x imagines#monsta x smut#monsta x hogwarts#hogwarts au#shownu#shownu au#shownu smut#shownu fluff#shownu imagines#shownu drabble#shownu scenarios#monsta x au#mx au#Gryffindor#gryffindor au
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