I have not been following zelda at all cause I work too much so imma be going in completely blind on friday

First time I had COVID I lost my sense of taste for six months. (and thankfully only the first time because ive had it 3 times, and I would have been murderous if it had happened every time.) And I was a huge wimp when it came to spice before I lost my sense of taste, but my tolerance went way up and I love spicy food now, because i got something from it and I could taste it a bit more than "this is vaguely sweet/salty."

I get that the sensation of the heat without the taste is really strange for some people, but it's just one of those weird things.

And I hoper you feel better soon, and that your taste returns quickly

it's really annoying cause the loss of it was DELAYED.

i know i caught it on friday, it's the only time i could have, my sense of taste was fine until yesterday. like, i felt like death for the whole weekend, but my taste buds worked fine, so i didnt even think to check for covid.

then the taste buds went bye bye right as i was sitting down to snack on somethin tasty AND I WAS SO MAD. I PAID FULL PRICE FOR THAT. WASTED ON USELESS TASTEBUDS.

weirdly enough i can still taste soy sauce (i tried a bunch of things lmao), but that is the only thing, and the taste vanishes if i put it on something.

brain just goes: ????????????? wet ??????????????

I hope i'm better fast, cause i swear to GOD if i cannot go to the party that was the WHOLE GODDAMN REASON for me being out on friday in the first place, I will probably be on the news for some kind of crime.

i've had ALL the vaccinations, I did ALL the right stuff, this shit better be gone by Saturday or i'm rioting.

Seasick pt.5→P.P

Pairings→college!peter parker x reader

Summary→ when you give one lie to your mom that you have a boyfriend, she ends up buying an extra ticket for a cruise you guys are going on. Now you’re stuck looking for a fake boyfriend and eventually drag peter in. Except you and peter both like each other and don’t know how long you can last pretending.

Warnings→ none except mentions of a dick

A/n→ wow two parts in one week! This is pretty lengthy with 3k words and that’s how long the rest are going to be! I hope you enjoy please leave your thoughts and feedback I would love to hear it!🥰💗✨

Previous part here

Peter was gone for hours, he left you alone to collect yourself. He came back at one point to get his trunks to go swimming but when he came back you were gone. So he left again knowing it was not best to search for you, laid by the pool for a bit before heading back in when it was dark. He opened the door to see you with a movie on, laying in bed with a plate by your side and fries in your hand. You look over at him, he's wearing black swim trunks and a towel is over his shoulder.

“Hey.” you told him and he sees how your attitude completely changed.

“Hey.” he doesn't want to push it. If you want to tell hi, you'll tell him.

“I ordered you a burger, no onions and cheddar cheese. Extra fries and a coke” you tell him. You remembered what he didnt like on his burgers, how he liked it exactly. “It's in the microwave.”

“Thanks.” he drops his towel by the door. He makes his way to the dresser to get some clothes, you listen to him walk into the bathroom and turn the shower on.

Day one. Completed. A full day and he still has six left. Six left and he doesn't know what to do. He kissed you, he kissed you as a fake boyfriend, not a real one.

He can still feel your lips on his, he feels how soft they were and even though he enforced the kiss, you were really good at going along with it. If he kisses you again, and again and again, he doesn't know how much he can take until the true peter comes out. He couldn't run to Ned for help, he could but Ned was on vacation too. Ned was just on a much different vacation. One where he wasn't being an actor.

He turns the shower off and grabs a towel, he steps onto the towel and scrubs his hair. He then hears a faint vibration. Your phone, you left your phone in the bathroom.

MJ: Was he at least good?

Betty: peter seems like a good kisser

MJ: i would be surprised if peter knew how to kiss (y/n) without freezing up

You told them. Of course you told them. But did MJ tell you about his crush on you? She was drunk and it was after a party, he was pretty drunk too for his liking. He barely even said anything, she figured it out with one harsh glance and mention of you. But she wouldn't tell you, would she? Even for MJ that's too cruel.

He drops the phone on the counter quickly as he opens the door in a crack to answer you.

“I left my phone in here.”You try not to look down, he's wet and has a towel over his waist. Looking down would ruin everything.

“Right,” he turns to grab the phone then hands it to you. “Here.” you take the phone from his hand feeling his fingers gently touch yours. You give him a soft smile as he shuts the door back up. Soon enough he's opening the door again to come eat. When he's comfortable in bed he looks over at you, scrolling through your phone and occasionally looking up at the screen.

“I'm sorry about earlier.” he tells you and you look over with confused eyes.

“About what?” your voice sleepy and you eyes still seem to be glossy from the tears but the eye cream seemed to do a good job covering it up.

“Your sister, your mom, everything.” he says and you take a deep breath in.

“Im use to it, i dont really need to hear pity about it. Thank you though.” you tell him and he presses his lips together.

It goes silent for a moment before you begin to talk again. “I should probably let you know more about the next few days.” now she's letting me in? He thinks to himself.

“Tommorw will probably be our only normal day together so if you want to go do something then go ahead, wednesday we land in the bahamas. My family always eats at the same restaurant so ill order for you, we should actually probably find food to share because my sister was right we should be like madly in love. We stay mainly on the boat but we go on and off of it, we stay in the Bahamas for two days then we come back on friday night and head back to florida shore and then boom, by sunday night we should be back in new york.” you tell him with a soft pat on the shoulder before stealing a fry.

“Wait, wait, wait.” he shifts to face you. “You're telling me this thing lands?” he raises his brows and you nod.

“Yeah, Peter, I thought I saw you reading that silly pamphlet of yours did you not see that we go to an actual island?” you ask him and he nods sticking another fry in his mouth.

He finishes eating in silence. He sets his plate to the side before getting up and going to the bathroom to brush his teeth. You're already laying in bed, rolled over to the side just waiting for Peter to get back so you can fall asleep.

“You can sleep with your shirt off.” you mumble into the pillow. He stops his movements, thinking you're asleep he looks over.

“What?” he asks and you roll to face him.

“I don't care if you sleep with your shirt off, all boys practically do it. I don't care if you do it or not. Whatever you're most comfortable pete.” you tell him rolling back to your side. He waits until you're asleep, dead asleep to take off his shirt and be comfortable. He doesn't lay too far, he can feel your legs move under the covers and closer to his side and at first he jerks them away, at second he lets his legs entangle with yours. Even if what your aunt said two nights ago was to boyfriend peter, he knew you needed someone to take care of you, you deserved it.

-

The sun peeks through the curtain. Peter is the first to wake and if it's possible he slept longer than last night. He rubs his eyes and falls deeper into the pillow. If there was no family drama, no fake relationship, no overwhelming stress of when to touch you to prove a point. If it were just a simple vacation with a friend, he should love it.

A knock on the door disturbs him from his peaceful fantasy. The knock gets louder and louder and turns more into a bang.

“Peter,” you moan into the pillow. Your foot jerks away from his as you slowly get up. “Can you get the door?”

“No way I’m basically naked.” He looks down at himself seeing hes shirtless. No he wasn’t naked but he didn’t need to put any ideas into your families mind.

“Wake up love birds.” It was your sister. You groan not wanting to deal with her this early. With the shit the both of them pulled yesterday, you don’t want anything to do with them.

“Wait,” you turn to him and scratch down his sides.

“Ouch! What the hell!” He tries to push you off but you know exactly what you’re doing.

“She’s already on to us.” You tell him as you then get off and mess up your hair to open the door.

“Good morning!” Maya spoke with a chirpy voice. Peter really didn’t understand how someone could be ready so early in the morning, be done up to look like a supermodel at 10am. “Did I interrupt something?” She peeks in to see Peter's chest and hair, his face slight tint of red as he sits there.

“Oh you would’ve heard him.” You look over at Peter who’s already reaching for his shirt. “I mean those fingers working at computers all day...he makes it light work.” You are more confident knowing that she doesn’t know. Peter thinks you almost enjoy lying to your sister.

“S-shes just joking…” he gets up and puts his arm around your waist. “She just wants to embarrass me.” He laughs and maya almost Mimics it.

“Hmmm. You know I love you.” You lean in to plant a kiss on his cheek. You hope she’s uncomfortable enough to make her leave.

“Good thing I had mom bring in those condoms right.” She tells. Of course it was her, how could you be so stupid. She probably told your mom lies about you and peter which made her worry.

“Oh they don’t fit, we had to get some more last night.” You wink to her and she looks down at peter and he’s now red.

“Wow—“ she starts but peter has taken his hands off you already.

“Okay, I’m going to take a shower.” He looks at the two of you before leaning into kiss you quickly to really sell all of it.

“Well, I came by just to say how mom didn’t have anything planned so I took it into my own hands and signed you and peter up for that couples painting class I told you about.” She’s playing a game. Maya was more obvious than your older sister. She liked to play little games on you, watch you fall quickly, as your older sister, Arden, liked to wait for her grand moment of tearing you down. You knew she was going to tear you down, you just didn’t know when. She was the one you feared the most. Maya would just play little games.

“Oh, no, peter and I have already planned—“ you start to explain but she puts up her hand.

“Too late it starts at 3!” She tells you and then goes over to the door. “Go take care of him, I think he’s waiting for you.” She winks before opening the door and shutting it.

You take a deep breath in, bite your lip before going over to bang on the door for peter.

“You can come out from hiding now.” You tell him as you flop back down on the bed.

“What was that?” He asked in more of shock.

“What was what?” You look at him confused.

“You just-sex? That’s what you went to?” He asked and you nodded confused as to why he was confused.

“She was going to question, look, peter, to make a lie more believable you have to be embarrassing. No one is perfect or innocent. We couldn’t just be like middle schoolers the whole time.” You told him picking up your phone.

“Couples painting class at 3.” You tell him and he is now even more scared. He hates painting, he can’t do it, he thought today maybe he would have fun. “Mom just texted me and said Thursday we’re going snorkeling. Look I promise you, friday is yours, you can do whatever you want. Want me to leave you be? I’ll do it. I promise.” You told him and he came and sat down on the bed with you. Snorkeling sounded fun, he’s never done it before, he’s also never done a couples painting class.

“I never said I wanted you to leave me alone. I’m actually having a lot of fun.” He promised you and you gave him a look.

“Two minutes ago I was talking about your penis and yesterday my sister tried to interrogate you. That’s fun?” You asked and he held his biceps and looked around.

“Well...no...but I’m on a free cruise so I don’t really think I get room to complain about anything.” He tells you and you laugh and place your hand on his shoulder before getting up.

“It’s okay to say you hate them peter, I hate them too.” You went over to the closet where you filled it with your own clothes.

“Was I good?” He asked and you look over at him.

“At kissing?” You’re shocked that he asked because the real answer is yes, please let’s do it again. But the answer you’d give him is no, it was okay.

“No,” he laughs a little. “At that interaction.” He said and you look down.

“Oh, yeah right. You were great.” You told him and picked out an outfit to wear. You grab your bathing suit only assuming you’d find the pool later.

“Good.” he hums and touches a scratch on his arm. “You know i suck at painting.” he calls out to you as you shut the bathroom. You don't answer so he feels defeated. He falls back into the bed wanting to shut his eyes and just fall back asleep. But this was all for you, all of this was for you.

-

Never did peter ever think he would find himself in a painting class, a small canvas in front of his face surrounded by other real couples. You seemed so calm and natural about everything while he was stressed and tensed up.

“Relax peter,” you lean into him so not a lot of people can hear. “Half of these people suck at art too.” you squeeze his shoulder before listening to the instructor.

He looks back at you in awe, today you wore shoes with a slight heel. You're taller than him but he kind of likes it. You wear glasses instead of contacts which he barely ever saw you do. Sundresses and skirts seemed to be your style on this whole trip even though he never would've taken you as the type of girl to wear that stuff. He's caught in your beauty. Right now he looks at you and thinks if this was real, he would've loved this cruise more than anything.

“Peter,” you snap him out of his thoughts. “Peter.”

“Sorry.” he clears his throat, blinking a few times before picking up the paintbrush in a fist. There is a picture of an island on the projector. He only assumes that's what he's supposed to do.

“No, peter.” you stop him before he starts. You come behind him and take the brush from his hands, you reposition it for him to be more comfortable and he's tense under your touch. “Like this, like a pencil, just relax.” you help him guide the paint across the canvas before you let go and let him do it on his own.

“S-so um…” he scrunches his eyebrows a bit before speaking. “Your sister said the other night something about you wanting to transfer?” he asked and you let out a sigh, one you thought went unnoticed but he heard.

“I was going to,” you started, washing your brush in the water before continuing. “But i changed my mind and stayed.” you told him. He tried to focus on his painting but it was hard. He really sucked at art.

“But why? Don't you like columbia?” he asked.

“I do. I do. It was just the change I guess I don't really know. I say something to them once and it's like I've promised it.” you say with a more bitter tone and he blinks a few times before going back to his paints. He knows not to push it.

“So you're staying?” he asked to make sure. You look over with a soft smirk, so many questions like he's your actual boyfriend.

“Yes Peter, I am staying.” you tell him before turning back on your own work.

The two of you finish painting in silence. The class is only an hour, an hour of your day and maybe you could get yourselves out of dinner with your family. Maybe you can find an excuse to get out of dinner.

“Wow.” he says in shock as he sees your painting. “You're really good.” he feels red as he is embarrassed to show his.

“Here.” you give it to him. “Think of it as a ‘sorry i dragged you onto a ship where my crazy family thinks you're my boyfriend’.” you hand and he laughs a little before taking the painting from you and showing you his. He was right, he wasn't that good at painting but he tried and it was cute.

“It's terrible.” he said, hiding his face a little.

“I like it, it’s very peter.” you told him. He didn't know exactly what it meant but he just smiled and nodded. The two of you left the studio, feeling the most relaxed you've felt this whole time.

“Text my mom.” you tell him as you lock the door of the hotel room.

“What?” he looked at you.

“Text my mom and tell her I'm sick.” you told him and he looked ever more confused.

“Why can't you text her?” he looks at you and you flop on the bed.

“Because you're my boyfriend and I'm sick. Boyfriends take care of their sick girlfriends.” you told him again before handing him your phone to text and making sure he signs it with his name.

You lay on the bed, Peter lays next to you and you roll to face him.

“Have you ever hated May for something she did?” you look at him and he is taken aback.

“N-no. I mean sometimes she's a little much but she just wants to protect me.” he told you. His fingers play with the loose thread of the pillow. He lets out a soft laugh before speaking again. “Your mom reminded me of the time I bought condoms for the first time and she embarrassed me for hours about it. She just wanted me to be safe and all, it made me mad but she just wanted to protect me.” he tells you and you laugh a little.

“Sometimes i wish my mom was like that. I think she sees us as her friends more than her children sometimes.” you tell him and he falls onto his back realizing that's why you hated all of this. Your family wasn't like his, hence he didn't have much but May saw Peter as a son while your mom sees you as a best friend.

“I'm gonna take a nap.” you tell him feeling the wash of sadness and vulnerability wash over you. “Order anything you want, do whatever you want.” you tell him before you fall to your side getting comfortable.

Peter looks at you for a moment. He wants to wrap his arm around you, protect you but he can't.

He moves some hair before he gets up on his own. Thinking about how this was one of his few moments where he could get out away from your family so he was going to lay out by the pool and bring back some food for the two of you later. His few moments where things could be normal.

-

The next morning he is woken by the feeling of you shaking him, the feeling of you pushing his hair back and stroking his cheek.

“Wake up sleepyhead.” you giggle a little. His vision blurry but he can see your sister sitting in the corner of the room, taking up the desk chair with a smirk. She's wearing a pink bikini and you've got sunglasses on the top of your head.

“Mmmh,” he groans, rolling over to the side. “What time is it?” his voice deeper than normal, cracking a little as he looks out the window and can see and island.

“He's always a little cranky in the morning, pulling me closer, sometimes he'd make us late to class if you know what I mean.” you share a laugh with your sister and he rubs his eyes.

“Morning pretty boy.” you tell him with a kiss to his cheek.

You're wearing a flowing see through sun dress, he can see the color of the red bikini through it that makes him swallow hard.

He quickly realizes your sister is actually in the room, he didn't imagine it. She's in the room and sees him practically half naked under the sheets. He wraps himself up and sits up in the bed. It didn't help the first thing he saw in the morning was you in a see through dress and a bikini.

He feels the tightness in his pants not going away. He wants you to tell her to leave so he can get up and go to the bathroom to properly deal with it.

“Mom wants us all down by 11, and then we should only be there for a few hours then we're going to meet at the place we always do and then come back on ship and tomorrow there is nothing planned.” she gets up from her chair and walks over to the door.

“Okay.” you smile at her before she looks at peter, she looks at him more intensely like she's trying to figure him out.

“Take care of your boy.” she winks and Peter's face burns red. The door clicks shut and your smile drops.

“So she got a fucking key.” you walk over to the dressers vanity to start on your hair.

“What?” he asked, still in his uncomfortable position.

“Yeah, they give extra keys at the front desk, families can get ones to other family members' rooms.” you shut your makeup bag and turn to him. “What are you doing?” you give a strange look.

“What do you mean what am I doing?” he asks.

“You're gripping the sheets, staring at me like you're scared?” His face goes red before he groans.

“I just need to go to the bathroom. That’s all.” He spoke quickly and you furrowed your brows.

“Then go.” You tell him and he swallows hard.

“(Y/n).” He says more sternly.

“What!” You laugh a little then look down at the sheets, why he’s trying so hard to cover his lower half. Morning wood. “Oooh…” you laugh a little bit and hold back since he’s embarrassed. “Did I do that?” You ask and he groans rolling his eyes.

“Are you being serious right now?” He asks and you move away from the table over to the door where your bag is.

“I mean, yeah. Did I do that? You’ve seen a girl in a bikini before right parker?” You joke and he flops back on the bed.

“No, you didn’t. I just had a dream. And yes I’ve seen a girl in a bikini before.” He says and you point.

“May, MJ, and Betty don’t count. The internet doesn’t count either.” You tease and he grabs your pillow and throws it at you. He misses and it crashes into the door.

“I had a girlfriend for a year who was real so yeah, I’ve seen a girl in a bikini and much less.” He tells you. Your heart doesn’t mean to hurt when he mentions his ex but it kind of does.

“Right,” you reach for the door. “I’m getting coffee, do you want anything while you work out your problem?”

“Get. Out.” He points to you and you laugh as you pull out your phone.

“I think I’m gonna text Ned.” And with a wink you’re gone. He falls back into the pillow still upset that it’s there and it is caused by you. If he can’t handle seeing you simply like that, or wrapped in a towel after a shower, he doesn’t know how he’s going to survive scuba diving with you all day.

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Anything for you

Anything for you

Paring: Connor kenway X reader

Warnings: angst, because I’m an angst queen, uhhh Haytham. Arranged marriage, mentions of murder... it’s assassins creed so...

Summery: during a small hunting trip Connor wonders across a lost women who he can’t keep his mind off of

Authors note: this is my first Connor fic! And I’m sorry it took so long I just couldn’t think of anything for this and ended up forgetting I had it I won’t lie to you. But it’s here now!

Connor sighed heavily as he walked threw the forest, his large boots treading in the dirt as he looked threw the forest. Today’s hunt wasn’t good, neither was yesterday’s. He was the best hunter they had and yet it’s like he was the worst. He couldn’t explain it for the life of him but it was starting to frustrate him.

Maybe he’d have better luck up High, in the trees. A smiled grew on his face at the thought before he scaled his way up the tree and threw the large heft branches until he heard something. The sound of snapping twigs below him, below the trees, that’s what called his attention.

Looking down quickly he was amazing to find not a wolf, bear or even a deer, but a girl. A women, a women like he’d never seen. Dressed in a fine dress of blue and white hues, her hair curled and falling down her back as she ran. Holding up her dress as she sprinted threw the large forest, but why was she running? Soon as he began to ask himself that question he was cut off by a large growl not far away, a bear.

He didn’t hesitate to start shooting arrows at the large beast as he jumped down from the trees to fight it. He was a talented hunter so a bear like this was nothing for him, it was quick work really. Only one scratch when he knocked the beast to the ground and looked up at the scared girl who just watched the whole time.

She was terrified and he could tell by the way her hands shook and the tears roll down her face. He quickly moved to her and grabbed her face gently with his large rough hands.

“Hey-hey it’s okay... it’s okay...” he whispered wiping the tears from under her eyes “he can’t bother you anymore” he smiled kindly moved his other hand to grab hers, the both fit in his so easily

“What’s your name?” He asked her.

“(Y/n)” she whispered in her shaky tone. “(Y/n) McCormick” she whimpered leaning into his warm touch like she’d never been touched before.

“Well- (y/n)... what are you doing out here?” He asked her pushing messy hair from her face, she was so beautiful, even when she was crying, even when her face was all red and panicked.

“I-I came-I came out because I-I was I-I was trying to-to get some peace and - and quiet and then I was to stuck in my head I walked to far and-and” she whimpered and cried more, it made him sad to see such a beautiful girl like this, shaking in fear.

“Hey-hey it’s okay- I’ll help you out of here alright?” He smiled and kissed her forehead, taking her hand and wiping her tears.

“T-thank you” she stuttered and sniffed as she started walking with him. She walked holding his arm and holding up her dress with her other hand as they wondered the forest.

“So what made you come out here?” He asked after a few moments of silence and she finally calmed down.

“My father... he’s... he’s betrothed me to a man I don’t even know...” she looked up at him and sighed “I shouldn’t tell you stuff like that you probably think I’m crazy for making such a big deal out of this”

“No, I don’t think you’re crazy” he looked at her “I think you should be able to choose your partner” he said kindly as he helped her step over a log, he knew the forest in and out so he had no problem helping her. “Can I ask who he’s betrothed you too?” He asked, it came off as kind but in the back of his head it was a vicious thought, a wrong thought to have for a man he doesn’t know.

“His names Haytham...” she answered looking up at him.

“H-haytham?” He said, the name itself shocked him inside and out. His father did not deserve a girl as beautiful as this, and definitely not one so young compared to him.

“Yes, haytham kenway... do you know him?” She asked seeing his expression.

“I-I do not- I do not know him” of course he knew him but that would be so weird if he just said ‘oh yea that’s my father’

“Oh...” she nodded and kept walking with him “I’ve heard of him, he’s one of my fathers good friends but he would never let me meet him...” she said softly

“How badly do you not want to marry this man?” He asked her as he started to see the town again

“Pretty badly...” she whispered holding his arm still even tho they could see the town.

“Why is your father making you marry him?” He asked.

“Because he thinks it’s what’s best for me...” she sighed heavily and looked down as they fit to the edge of the woods finally.

“Well I guess I’ll let you go here...” he whispered looking at her.

“I never got your name” she said looking at him with her big soft eyes.

“Oh, You can call me Connor” he smiled and wiped her face one last time so she looks alright to others.

“Thank you, Connor” she kissed his cheek and hugged him before hurrying back home before her parents worried to much.

Connor watched her leave and smiled to himself, his hand resting where her lips touched his skin. The moment didnt last however because now he had to find his father and stop this marriage.

It didn’t take long to find the old man in his study. Connor busted the doors open and looked at him with a bit of anger “cancel it”

“You know you don’t have to tear up my door every time you-“ Haytham started

“Cancel the wedding” Connor said firmly.

“Excuse me?” Haytham raised an eyebrow.

“With (y/n) you can’t marry her” he said in a deep growl, almost protective.

“And why can’t I?” Haytham crossed his arms.

“She’s unhappy- she’s to-to good for you” Connor claimed

“How do you know she’s unhappy? You don’t even know the girl”

“I do know her! I met her today in fact and she told me everything” Connor said sternly “I have not asked you for much in my life but all I ask now is this, call it off and let her be free”

“If I do that her father will just send her to someone else” Haytham said

“I’ll be that someone else!” Connor said almost excitedly but it didn’t last long

“You can not be that person Connor”

“And why not?” He groaned

“Because you’re an assassin...” Haytham said quietly yet stern.

“And-.... her fathers a Templar?” He asked furrowing his brows and looking at his father in shock and worry. Haytham only nodded and sat back down in his seat.

“Shay McCormick... I believe your creed knows him” Haytham sighed.

“Of course... I should’ve known...” he shook his head and ran his fingers threw his hair.

“If you’ve just meet her today, why do you care so much for who she marries...” Haytham stood again and slowly walked towards his son.

“Because she’s the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen...” he looked back at his father “I don’t even know her but to see her cry made me feel broken, father...” he whispered. “I can’t let you take her away...”

Haytham sighed heavily and nodded, he didn’t know what to do in this situation. But he wanted to do right by his son, for once.

“I can delay the wedding until it’s safe... I can’t however just cancel, to much relays on this, however if I can push it back I can work around it for you” Haytham said putting his hand on connors shoulder. Connor had never smiled brighter then that moment, he was so happy with his fathers words he even hugged him.

The moment was short lived at they heard people downstairs, so quickly Connor made his way out the window and away.

A few weeks after that Connor had come up with a plan, every Friday he would send (y/n) flowers. However when he started that her mother kept thinking they were for her, so plan changed. Every Friday he would sneak into her room and put flowers on her table, good thing that was today.

Today he’d gotten a large bundle of daisys and lavender for her, he noticed she’d had problems sleeping recently so he got the lavender to help her rest at night. Just as he was setting the vase down on her bed side table the door behind him creaked open and he quickly turned.

(Y/n) screamed and dropped the bowl in her hands before covering her mouth the moment she noticed who was in her room. “(Y/n)? Is everything alright up there?” Her mother called

“Yes mama, I just saw a rather large... moth...?” She said almost questioning her own words before her mother just went along with whatever she was doing before, and (y/n) looked back at Connor.

“ what on earth are you doing in my room?” She said freaked out as she closed her door and locked it, cleaning up the mess she made in the floor quickly.

“I - I uh- I was bringing you... flowers?” He scratched the back of his neck as he spoke, before helping her clean up the mess.

“You’ve been the one doing that?” She asked him softly, pushing hair behind her ear as she looked at him. A slight blush crept to her face as she put the bowl aside and stood with him.

“Um... yea- yes- I... I’ve been sending them for awhile but I think your mother has been taking them so I just started... delivering them?” He chuckled nervously and smiled at her. She was so small compared to him, he was a tall muscular man and she was this little graceful girl.

She giggled and nodded “yes fathers been wondering where the flowers come from” she chuckled and ran her fingers threw her hair. He smiled at her and sighed

“Well I’ve gotten you some daisies and lavender today...” he said walking back over to the window “and I-I should be off now”

“No-wait... you don’t have to leave” she grabbed his hand quickly. His heart fluttered feeling her skin against his, it made him feel this warmth he’d never felt before.

“You wish me to stay?” He moved his hand to the side of her face.

“Of course I wish you to stay... plus I know you’re not going far... you’re not a good hider...” she giggled and smiled

“Not a good hider- oh...” he blushed and looked down before getting his confidence back “I’ll have you know I’m an amazing hider”

“Then why have I noticed you threw my window the past few nights?” She smirked and crossed her arms

“Maybe I wanted to be noticed” he said trying to be tough to her.

“Well maybe I wanted you to come in rather then just stare, why do you think I opened my window?” She said raising her eyebrow. “I could barely sleep it was so cold”

“You could- you opened that for me...?” He blushed and smiled “I didn’t know I’m sorry”

“It’s okay, I should’ve said something” she smiled at him and put her hand on his face. He couldn’t hold it any long, he needed to say something for he exploded.

“You’re the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen” he whispered and kissed her palm, slowly kissing up her arm.

“Excuse me?” She blushed

“I said you’re the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen” he whispered in her ear and pulled away slowly.

“Oh I know what you said I just wanted to hear you say it again” she teased and cupped his face softly, he smirked a little and shook his head.

“You’re silly, little cub “ he smiled.

“You like how silly I am” she smiled at him and kissed the back of his hand “if you hadn’t you wouldn’t have watched me so long, my little eagle”

He chuckled and kissed the top of her head “you’re a smart one” he pulled her closer slowly. “Can I be bold with you?” He whispered into her hair

“Yes sir” she rested her hands on his chest and leaned into him. She didn’t know how to explain it but she felt so comfortable in his arms, like he was a guardian of sorts, meant to protect her.

“I think I’m in love with you” he whispered and moved his finger under her chin, making her look up at him.

“You -you love me?” She smiled and blushed looking at him

“I do...” he said softly “and I would like to kiss you...” he admitted

“You need not ask, Connor...” she smiled and leaned up, pressing her lips to his softly. The kiss was sweet and deep, longing almost. It felt so right in every way that it made their hearts fly. She tugged his shirt softly pulling him closer before they finally parted and looked at each other

“I want to marry you...” he whispered

“Connor you know I cant-“

“I’ll do anything to make you mine, (y/n), anything... if that means killing that man then I will”

“Connor you sound mad” she said backing up a bit but he grabbed her hand.

“Forgive me, please I just... I don’t want to go another moment without you...” he whispered and looked into her eyes. She smiled and nodded softly

“I’d prefer if you didn’t kill him but... do what you must”

Tag list: @marshmallow--3 @thank-god-its-fryeday @sassenach-on-the-rocks @fangirl1071

so my friend died three days ago and ive been having a very hard time with it and i know everyone grieves differently but aside from his roommate who was his best friend from high school and has known him for years, no one seems to be very impacted by it, i have cried in front of them twice now and theyve barely even looked sad like they take a sad tone and everything but my roommate asked me today if i prepared myself for friday bc theres a memorial were going to and i how am i supposed to prepare myself for that girl i cant even prepare myself to walk to class, i was heading to class today just in my own world like i always am when walking and i nearly cried because i remembered him telling me once that he said hi to me inbetween classes but i didnt notice, yesterday an upperclassman asked me how im doing with college so far and if im surviving and i nearly burst into tears, i can barely look at anything in my room without thinking of something he said about it, out of my whole friend group here, what was eleven people, he was the only one who knew im queer, actually until yesterday, he was the only one on campus who knew, the series im reading right now is his favorite and the only one hes reread, on our second night, him, his roommate, and explored a bit and i bought a pint of coffee ice cream because its my favorite and he said it was his too so we split it because i knew i wasnt gonna finish the whole thing, i went to mma yesterday because i cant think about him when im focusing and at the beginning of practice the president brought up his death and mentioned the counseling and mental heath and were a family there and talk to any of us and im already seen as weak for being small and being a girl and i really didnt want to add emotional wreck to that list but i definitely didnt hear the rest of the talk because i was focusing so much on not crying, his bed is on the opposite side of the wall that mine is and we used to knock on the wall all the time just because, the boys would joke about tunneling through that wall under our beds so we could easily go back and forth, half the time i ate on the weekends was because hed ask if i wanted to grab food, i had lunch with him every other week day and i had to sit on the other side of the booth today because i couldnt stand looking at the empty seat, i started crying in the back of my psych class just thinking about lunch without him, last weekend we went to ross and he asked me to hold his stuff when he went to the bathroom and one of his things was a cute purple tshirt and it was a mens but idc so i found one in a medium and i was worried hed be mad if i got it like not mad but idk wanting to make sure we dont wear it on the same day or anything and like not wanting to be associated with me bc thats just my default which ik is problematic but i have other problems to work on first because the last day i saw him he was wearing that shirt and mine was sitting on my desk when he came in and he pointed to it and said we have to match some day and ive never lost someone before that wasnt a distance relative or when i was a kid and cant remember so this is really hard for me and my side of the room is a bit of a big mess because i just dont feel like doing anything about it but i think im going to go to the counseling tomorrow i dont know its on the opposite side of campus and i just dont have much energy to go somewhere unless i have to

MacRiley fan-fic

This one is a classic. Probably wont happen but it was fun to write anyways!

Season 4 spoilers..... duh!

******************************

“Good night guys. Riles you coming?” said Mac with his usual smile leaving the war room followed by Desi and Bozer. Matty and Russ were still busy.

Mac had been wanting to tell Riley about his break-up with Desi but they had got the call from Matty.

Desi and he realised they were never going to work. The weird part was that he didn't feel heartbroken. 

He had seen it coming for a while now, it was just a matter of finally ripping off the band-aid. Desi seemed fine too, she still nipped at him occasionally but they had managed to keep it professional for the whole mission. Desi was staying with him until she could get back her old apartment.

“No I have some stuff I need to do. Good night Mac.” said Riley with a tight lipped smile. 

Mac raised his eyebrow at her. “Okay. Good night then. Call me if you need a lift anyways.” He and Des got into his car while Riley walked to the nearest bar.

The mission had been rough. Riley felt completely spent but she needed a drink. It was Friday night and she was all alone. She let that sink in. At the rate she was going she was going to die alone too.

**************

Mac’s phone buzzing woke him up. It was 1 am. It had been barely 2 hours since they got back. 

“Why won't criminals just take a day off.” said Mac half asleep, groaning as he reached for his phone. 

He read the caller id fulling expecting it to be Matty. But it wasn't.

All the sleepiness drained right out of him. It was Riley.

“Hello? Riles? What’s going on is everything okay?” said Mac already getting up, fully alert now and trying to make as little noise as possible so as to not wake Desi up in the adjoining room.

Mac could here loud music in the background. What the hell was going on?

“Hey Mac. I need a ride.”

**************************

Mac found Riley outside The Bar. Riley was drunk and she was standing all alone outside at the entrance when she had called. Mac drove over as fast as he could. His heart racing the whole time.

He pulled up to where she was standing. Silently thanking the universe that she was okay. 

“Riles? Are you okay” said Mac with deep concern on his face.

Riley nodded but swayed on her feet. Mac caught her.

“Okay lets get you home.”

Mac got Riley in the passengers seat and buckled her up. He had just started up the car when Riley mumbled.

“I’m sorry. I'm so so sorry” and tears started rolling down her face. Mac’s heart broke a little. Why had he not gone with her? What if something had happened to Riley? What if he had somehow missed her call?

“Riles. You dont have anything to be sorry for. It’s okay. Its a best friends duty to pick up them up especially when they get drunk. Today’s mission was hard on all of us.” said Mac with a smile. It really was the least he could do for her. She had put everything on the line when she had come to his rescue. She was always there. The one true constant in his life. The one person he could count on.

Riley just went on apologising until a minute later she had closed her eyes and fallen asleep. Mac looked over at her a few times. She seemed so peaceful. He had been so caught up with Desi, Codex and Phoenix that he hadn't even paid attention to what was going on with Riley. Something was definitely eating at her. He was hoping he could have talked to her today, tried to get to the bottom of things.

Riley had seemed a little distant lately. He didn't even blame her. He had no idea what was going on with her, but for now he would be there for her just like she was for him.

Mac pulled over outside Riley’s apartment. He didn't want to wake Riley up but he couldn't help it.

“Riles,” Mac whispered. “I need you to wake up now. Please.”

Riley opened her eyes slowly. He helped her out of the car and grabbed her bag. It was a good thing he knew she kept her keys in the tiny zipper in her favourite bag which she was also carrying right now.

He opened the apartment door and helped Riley in. He set her down on her bed  and took off her boots. Riley was half asleep and was really out of it. 

He tucked her in and was about to switch off the small bedside lamp when Riley reached for his arm.

“Hey Mac” she slurred a bit while talking,”Thanks for picking me up. Your a good friend you know. Don’t ever doubt that.”

Mac smiled. Even half drunk Riley was still thinking about him. He brushed out a few strands of hair out of her face and turned off the light.

“Good night Riles.” said Mac leaving the room.

“Love you, Mac” says Riley before cuddling into her covers and falling straight asleep.

Mac froze at the door, his heart pounding. 

He had misheard her right? But he found himself hoping he hadn't.

It hit him like lightning. He loved Riley too, didn't he? Deep down he always had. 

He had told himself that he had held her hand when that missile was about to hit them because he wanted Riley to know he was sorry. Sorry that he couldn't save her. But it was more than that,wasn't it?

He had loved her. 

Mac smiled to himself. He was such an idiot. How had he not seen it sooner. Not seen what was right in front of him the whole time.

But he wouldn't say anything until he knew for sure.

**********

The next morning Riley woke up to the worst hangover. Maybe even worse than the one that Mac’s alcohol breaking down drug had given her when he, Leanna, Bozer and she were undercover.

She dragged herself to the shower and got changed which is when it registered that she could smell pancakes. What the hell?

“Good morning sleepy head.” said Mac a little too loudly. Riley winced. 

Mac was cooking.... Pancakes... In her kitchen... In her house....

She looked over at her sofa and saw a blanket draped on it.

“Hope you dont mind. I crashed here after last night just incase you needed me.”

“No of course I dont mind. I’m just really hazy on what happened last night.” said Riley rubbing her head.

Mac placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of her along with a plate of chocolate chip pancakes.

“You dont remember anything?” asked Mac trying to hide the disappointment in his voice. “You got really drunk last night and called me to ask if I could give you a ride home. You were really out of it.” said Mac with smile.

Bits and pieces came rushing back as she took a seat at the kitchen island. She had gone to the bar and had one drink after another and had completely lost track. She remembered contemplating calling Mac and then sitting in his car. She couldn't remember if she said anything. What if she told him about her feelings. Oh no no no no. Rileys mind was going into overdrive.

“Oh god Mac. I’m so sorry. I probably ruined you and Desi’s night. Im such an idiot. I dont even remember what I was thinking.”

“Hey hey its okay Riles. Besides Desi and I aren't dating anymore.” said Mac.

Woah. It was really taking her a while to process things.

“I’m sorry to hear that Mac. I feel like such a terrible friend. I didn't even notice something was up.” said Riley. Gosh when had she become such a mess.

“It was a long time coming. Desi and I just weren't right for each other. We both knew it, but we were hanging on to the relationship because it was familiar I guess.” said Mac.

Riley just silently nodded. Her mind was spinning.

“Anyways” said Mac smiling, “try the pancakes. I need to know if they are any good.”

Riley eyed the plate remembering Mac’s track record with cooking. She could feel Mac’s gaze on her so she tried it.

“Okay wow. These are actually really good.” said Riley. Mac laughed, ”Mission Accomplished. You have to tell Bozer they were good, okay? He won't believe me if I say it.”

Riley and Mac sat there eating chocolate chip pancakes, laughing. Riley felt like all the problems in the world just fell away.

***************

Riley was helping Mac clear up even though he had insisted he would do it on his own. There was still that worry that she had said something to Mac nagging her. He seemed alright. A little chirpy but happy. 

“Mac. Last night. I didn't say anything stupid right?” said Riley washing the plate and handing over the last one to Mac to dry it since he had insisted. 

“Why?” asked Mac a curious look on his face. “Was there something I needed to know?”

“Nope no reason. I was just really out of it yesterday. Just curious if I said anything.” said Riley relief washing over her.

“Well there was one thing I wanted to talk to you about actually.” said Mac putting the last plate away. 

“Riles, I’m sorry Ive been such a terrible friend to you lately. I..just.. with everything going on with Codex and Desi.. i..never even bothered to check in on you. I had no idea why you were being distant until I realised last night that you were probabaly drunk because you felt like you couldnt talk to me. You’ve always been there no matter what and I couldn't even return the favour. I'm so sorry.”

Mac looked so stressed. He really thought it was his fault she was avoiding him. 

Oh god what had she done. The exact reason she didn't want to tell Mac the truth was so she didnt hurt him but seeing him like this broke her heart. She loved him so much it physically hurt sometimes.

“Mac. Its not your fault. It has nothing to do with-” Riley stopped herself. She had nothing to lose right? She should just tell him. No more lies or secrets.

Mac looked up searching her face. She wasn't meeting his eye and she was fidgeting with her hands. 

Could it be possible that Riley was distancing herself from him because of what she said last night? Could it really be true?

"Before you say anything, there is something you should know." said Mac. This was it. He felt brave all of a sudden.

"You said something last night. I mean I could have misheard you but it sounded you like you said you love me. Is that what this about?" Mac sounded so nervous.

Riley was shocked. She had said it last night. Oh god what if he didnt feel the same way?

"I- Mac- I am so sorry. I just- You were dating Desi and I just broken up with Aubrey and I just had to-"

Before Riley could finish Mac kissed her. And she kissed him back.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. " said Mac smiling. "I'm such an idiot. It took me so long to see what was in front me this whole time."

Mac held Rileys hand in his and they started at each other and smiled. They were in their own happy bubble.

April 30, 2021

2:03 am

Aaaah I wanna weight myself so bad and my stomach is begging for food how am I supposed to sleep?????

8:08 am

I woke up almost 2 hours ago, I feel hunger pain but I want to wait for my mother to leave before I weight myself.

11:28 am

I fell asleep again, god I feel in pain today after yesterday walk. I walked for 11km and 8 of them were under the rain, so I hope I didnt catch a fever or something.

Im 60,05kg rn, I hoped for see 59 again but I mean, My lower weight is 59,85 (and it was last friday, so in one week I did a 3 days binge streak with over 3000/4000kcal each day and I somehow managed to get back to my almost lower weight. I should be proud of me (obv not because of the binge, I was with no control).Maybe I'll let myself to prepare something like the pancakes I made a couple of days ago but for the afternoon, or maybe I'll check if I have something that doesnt go over 100kcal so I can still stay under 500 today (my plan is at 410 rn).

2:12 pm

59,9kg???? God Im so happy??? I maybe will add some fruit then, maybe a banana that I can eat with the pancakes. Tomorrow I'll do strawberry ice cream and I legit cant wait, thats the perfect reward for how I did good this week.

7:33 pm

I went to the store with mom and I bought a pizza that has less than 700kcal, I want to eat it tomorrow since Im tired of watch my family eat the one my mom makes (its really good, but I cant count calories of it so I always eat something else), Im just not sure if I'll eat all of it or just half, I'll decide tomorrow. I reached 765kcal today, and Im really sad even if its a good number. Idk if I'll add something else after the soup I planned.

Im really sad because Im really craving food but Im scared af.

9:02 pm

I ate more. I was cooking for my parents and they went to the kitchen, tey start to say that "I lost a lot of weight, that Im vanishing, that I have to stop now, that Im so skinny rn" and my father made me do a 360° spin. I felt so embarassed, and then I came back crying watching food cooking, and I ended up earung more because of sadness. Im gonna exercise until I'll burn 1000kcal before bed, I feel so disgusting and awful.

11:50 pm

Burned 1000kcal, showered, planned the next days meals. Tomorrow I will not eat the entire pizza if the number on the scale will be higher for lunch time. The part I will not eat will be sunday lunch. I didnt drink water at all today so I know tomorrow number can be a lie, but I feel so bad rn. I will exercise tomorrow too btw.

I know I should be happy because today I went out wearing my favourite jeans without problems but Im still... not skinny enough.

Is that my daughter//P.P

Summary:Tony finds nudes of you on Peter's phone.

A/N:How I came up with this idea is a long story. I have some really crazy guy friends.🖤🖤🖤

Pairing:Peter Parker × Stark! Reader

Warnings: Nudity,Mentions of sex,

Friday afternoons were the best. After a long busy week all you wanted to do was relax and do shit. Honestly speaking, your father didn't let you do much considering your saftey, after all you were Tony Starks daughter and not everyone liked him or you. But you didnt mind him being overprotective. He still let you go out as long as you were with Peter, your best friend and the only guy that Tony trusts to send you out with. Ofcourse Tony figured out about the crush you'll have on each other but you'll were too shy to admit it,and he knew this.

But this Friday afternoon went a little different. You watched some TV,ate some popcorn and chatted to your friend on snapchat. Took a few nudes and stared out of your window hoping that your webbed head best friend would stop by. He was taking longer than usual so you stripped yourself again and stood in front of your mirror ready to take a few selfies.

You pulled the front of your thong down revealing a little pussy.

Snap.

You removed your bra and cupped your boobs.

Snap.

You got on your knees with one hand in your panties.

Snap.

You felt the gaze of someone watching you but didn't look up until you heard footsteps. Looking up your saw spiderman. You knew that under the mask he had a shocked expression on his face. He just caught his best friend taking nudes.You immediately woke up from your position putting a long shirt on,that was Peter's by the way. You had a habit of stealing his clothes,it just felt so comfortable.

"What the fuck,Peter? Have you ever heard of knocking." You screamed. You were slightly embarrassed and angry. It felt like Peter was invading your privacy.

"I didn't mean too. I swear. It's just that your window was open and I assumed that you left it for me so I came in and how was I supposed to know what you were doing." Peter's voice trembling. And you definitely noticed the bulge under Peter's suit. I mean the thing is tight and his member was pretty long and really hard, so it was kinda hard to miss. But you couldn't help but feel proud knowing that you might be responsible for it.

"I'm sorry that you had to walk in on that but you can't deny that you didn't enjoy it. "You said with a smirk as you pointed to his boner. Peter suddenly turned a dark shade of red as his hands went instinctively to cover his lower half. The poor boy was embarrassed enough.

"I'm glad you enjoyed it." You pulled out your phone and sent Peter a few pics of you. "A little something for you to remember this day. Now why dont you go home,look at those pics and sort that little horny ass of yours out." You said literally pushing him out the window and shutting it,sighing once you've realised what you have done. You were dumb but not send your best friend nudes dumb.

---♤♡☆

You felt like shit. Peter hadnt spoken to you the whole of Saturday and you started to worry when he saw you, turned red and ran away. That's when you really started to regret your actions. You were getting lonely without him. You spent Saturday nights eating ice cream with him while sitting on the kitchen counter listening to music. All you wanted was your best friend back.

That night you messaged him to meet you in your room. You tried to dress as decent as you could, so leggings and a long shirt was needed. You sat on your bed nervously playing with your fingers, as you waited for him. You took in a deep breath as you heard a knock on your door and figured that it could only be Peter.

"Its open." Peter let himself in and walked over to you saying hi.

"Listen,Pete. I just wanted to apologise for the yesterday. I dont know what..." You were cut off by Peter's lips on your. Confusion all over your face.

"Don't apologise. But you can make it up to me by getting naked and letting me take a few." He said with a smirk. You listened to him and undressed to your underwear. Peter took a few minutes to admire you before taking out his phone and accessing the camera app.

"Take out your bra and lay on the bed." You did as he said. He took a photo with your face and boobs clearly visible.

"On your knees and squeeze your boobs."

Snap.

"Take off your panty and fuck yourself."

Snap.

"Lie down with yours legs spread."

Snap.

That night was amazing. Peter got really horny and fucked you. He even took a few photos of you sucking his dick and it in you. He felt proud the next morning knowing how many times he made you cum.

---♡♤☆

Weeks had passed, you and Peter started dating and you still sent him nudes and he sent a few to you. You'll didn't have sex after that day, but you'll did masturbate to the photos of each other.

Peter always helped your dad in the lab. Tony loved having Peter around, in his eyes Peter was a gentle men. He didn't know any of the shitt that you two were doing. How would he react to his daughter sending Peter nudes especially after he fucked her senseless.

Peter sat at the table unaware that Tony was right behind him. He looked through his phone, at photos of you. At first they were sweet and innocent and it made Tony smile until he saw too much skin.

"Is that my daughter." Peter's eyes grew wide in fear. He fucked up. Tony took his phone and continued to look at the rest of the pics. "Tell me why you have these pics of Y/N."

"Because we are dating and sending each other nudes." Peter couldn't lie to Tony. He was like a father to him and yes,he did feel uncomfortable.

"You're dating and you couldn't even tell me. You fucking her and you didnt say a word. These pics are gross." He said handing Peter his phone back. "I'm gonna pretend like I didnt just see that and you'll just started dating and this is you telling me about it." He walked away.

Peter was relieved that Tony knew but how were you going to react to this news. But he had to tell you.

"Hey Y/N,can we talk." You wrapped your arms around his neck placing a soft kiss on his jaw. Peter gulped trying hard not to fuck you right now.

"What is it Pete?" You said looking him in his eyes,your face was inches away and he just wanted to close the gap.

"You dad knows that we are dating and about the nudes." Peter spoke fast but you understood him. You just nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck.

"I know my dad already gave me a lecture about it. I'm glad that he knows at least now we don't have to sneak around to hang out." You said against his neck.

Peter cupped your cheeks and pulled you in for the most free and passionate kiss ever.

Dishonorable intentions. | Thomas Shelby x Reader Imagine.

Part I.

*Sidenotes: So... yesterday I was watching the notebook and thought it would be cute to do this! I totally stole the idea from there so... hope you like it.

*Resume: You’re a volunteer nurse in France, that when you meet Thomas. Months later he goes looking for you.

Thomas saw YN the first moment he arrived to the tent that served as “hospital” for the British soldiers. Her beautiful smile was the first thing he saw when he got there. He was walking, everything in him was numb, so numb he didn’t even realized almost every part of his body was wounded or fractured. He was stunned by her. They were seconds but Tommy could bet she walked in slow motion just so he could registered her face and never forget her. And then, she met his gaze. Her smile vanished while she ran to get to him. He looked terribly and YN was pretty sure he was going to die. But Tommy didn’t die. Soon, the doctors and other nurses arrived and helped him, his eyes began to close after seeing her smile ran away, after that he didn’t seem to remember anything else. He does remember thinking YN wasn’t supposed to be there. She was way to perfect, way to innocent, way to pure. Tommy could see the way she walked, the way she talked and he knew she wasn’t a street girl. She was classy in every single way, she was well educated and god she was beautiful. Her body, her face, her lips, her eyes. He wanted her and he’ll get her. Thomas didn’t remembered ever wanting someone as much as he wanted her. Tommy was in shock, and not for the beautiful girl who stole his mind, but because of everything that just went down right in front of him. Dani was going to get killed, Freddie was going to get killed and he was certainly going to get killed if he didn’t attacked those french soldiers and it wasn’t until two days later when YN arrived next to him to help him get up, that his mind went on again. It was like the pause was gone and everything came back to him just in a second.

YN on the other hand, was on her last year of college when she volunteered as a nurse’s aide for the First World War. She was a student on Sarah Lawrence College in New York. A british girl living in the new world. YN was a well known socialite who always felt like a misfit. YN always wanted more and in her biggest dreams, she wanted to became the first woman to be lawyer even if that wasn’t allowed, she knew since a toddler that the rules were made for being broken and creating you own. Her family being one of the wealthiest families in Europe made sure that their little girl could do anything she wanted, even if that was studying. Her dad was a big lawyer while her mother was an artist, her brother was a student in law school and also her best friend and confident, before he was called to service their country and went to fight in representation of England.

YN could still remember the day he said goodbye. She flew from Manhattan to London the same day she found out her brother, Alex was leaving for war. Funny thing was she never thought it would be the last day she would see her brother. He left. Months went by and no one had any idea of how or where Alex was, if he was dead or alive, it was unknown and for someone that loved control and knowing everything, it was killing YN. So she made a decision. She was celebrating the holidays at London with her parents when she got the news that the government needed nurses to go to war. They needed nurses that would be sent to France so they could help the wounded soldiers. So she enlisted herself and a month later she was in France trying to help whoever she could, with the hope of finding Alex in one of those injured man that needed her help. She was determinate to find him. To her, the broken man with shattered bodies who filled the war were all her brother or someone who fought beside him.

So there she was, in a tent that tried to be a hospital or at least the closest thing to it, at the middle of the night trying to take care of at least 50 men only at her watch. Checking in every single one of them every time she had the chance. Praying for one of them to be Alex. She was exhausted, her eyes didnt have the light that distinguished her anymore and you could sense how tired she was. She was about to lost her hope. She wanted to go home but she wasn’t the type of girl who would just give up. YN walked to one of the men who’s injuries where pretty serious. He was really beaten up. If she remembered correctly, he attacked some French soldiers while trying to save his mates but the results were him having fractured ribs and her face looking crazy with bruises and blood, while his leg was also fractured. There was something mysterious about him. He didn’t speak. Not once. He had two days there and not even a single word came out from his mouth, but YN wasn’t intrigued or shocked about it as the other nurses seemed to be, she was very busy trying to find her brother while saving the life of hundred of men to even look at him. Oh but when she did.

-Sir? I’m gonna lift you up, is that okay? We need you to start moving your body so it doesn’t get numb okay? -YN didn’t even waited for an answer before she started to hold him with all her strength and made him sit on the bed he was laying seconds ago.- Okay! There we go. Now I’m gonna bring this leg over. -She talked to him with a smile on her face. She was a true believer that a smile could save someone’s life. YN started to help him put his leg down on the floor.- Set it on the stool. Are you okay?

-Tommy. Thomas.- The blue eyed man spoke for the first time in days and she was pretty surprised. It could only meant he was starting to recover from the trauma. The thing was YN wasn’t sure who was Thomas or why he was looking for him, so she wasn’t sure what he was trying to say.

-Hm?-She grumped while taking his temperature and vitals. There was something strange about this guy, but being so close to his face made YN feel safe. Safe even when everything could explode in just seconds.

-I mean... My name is Thomas, Thomas Shelby.- Something strange happened in Tommy, he was really nervous and could feel his hands sweat every time she came close to him. He didn’t knew what was going on but the girl standing in front of him made him nervous, even when she also made him feel like home. YN didn’t knew this but for Thomas, being close to her made him feel secure. It made him feel better. It helped him forget or deal with everything that’s has been going on.

-Well, nice to meet you Thomas... I’m YN, YN Casiraghi.- She said with a true smile on her face.- So, Thomas, how are you feeling?

-Miss, can I ask you a question?- It was like Thomas didn’t listen to the question she just asked and YN didn’t do anything but get out a sight.

-Hmm?

-I noticed that you aren’t wearing a ring and I was wondering if I could take you out.-Tommy looked into her eyes trying to know what would the response to his proposition would be.

-Excuse me?- YN was surprised for the straightforwardness that Tommy had but she did was getting used to soldiers asking her out, the only difference was that normally, other soldiers would try to get know her first and even when they did that, YN always made them clear that she wasn’t interested. Oh but not with Thomas Shelby. She was interested.

-On a date. I was wondering If I could take you out on a date. And before you go and say no, I’ll have you know that I’m an excellent dancer and my intentions are completely dishonorable.-He started to cough after de efforts he had been doing, even if it was just minutes.- I want you YN and I’m gonna get you.

-Ok Casanova, come on. Let’s put you down. -She talked while laughing a little bit, she was sure he was crazy or probably just drugged.-How about this, let’s just get you better and then we’ll talk about a date ok?- YN just chuckled while she helped Thomas lay on the bed again.- Good night Thomas.

-Goodnight love.

Hours after her talk with Tommy, YN got the news she feared to get. Alex was dead and the body was never found. She could feel everything in her world turn into pieces. Everything was over now. She didn’t think it twice and left. Hours later she was on a plane that would take her back to London, a plane that would take her back to her old back. Everything was so fast and traumatic that she didn’t even remembered that she had met Thomas. Everything was a blur.

————-

The days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months and later, the months were years. YN graduated from college and deciden to go back to London to try help his father with work and try to apply the things she’d learnt at college. They time went by fast, she tried to go out, meet new people and even date, but there was always something missing. She, yet again, wanted more. She needed passion, she needed rush, adrenaline and someone reckless. She wanted everything she alway read on her favorite books. She wanted all.

Sponge cake, Russian cigarettes, Florentines, sugar tarts, and chocolate chip buns with dry-roasted chocolate bean grué follow in the wake of an exceptional tea selection from the prestigious house TWG. It was a Friday afternoon, she was walking back home from her favorite tea room with her friends on her sides. There is no ritual that YN loved more than the afternoon tea, that special late-afternoon moment of lingering conversations and secrets shared. While YN and her friends walked on the street laughing, YN could notice a car and a man in front of her house. Who was he and why he was waiting there?

-Hm, who’s him sweetheart?-Sophie asked her while eating the man alive with her eyes. Everyone could notice that her friends were undressing the man in their imaginations.

-Omg, he’s so dreamy ! I think I might be in love...-Louise said with a little chuckle. She loved to flirt and her heart was pretty big.- God, YN he’s staring at you!!!

-Shh... he’s probably looking for my dad or something.-YN didn’t even looked at him twice. More like, she didn’t even looked at him at all. She completely ignored him and passed thru him to start looking for her house keys so she and her friends could come inside. But she wasn’t dumb at all, she could feel the eyes of the man piercing her back. He wanted her to turn around. YN didn’t plan on turning around.

-Aye! Miss?- The man shouted at her, and everything froze for her in that moment. Slowly she turned around, even when she knew who was the man standing in there. After all this time, could it be him? He was waiting for her.- I’m all better now, so how about that date? -Thomas started to walk towards her, with an almost imperceptible cocky grin on his face. There was something YN needed to understand, Thomas Shelby always gets what he wants.

TITLE: i’m good, i love you Series: why are you sorry? it’s not your fault you don’t love me [see previous work] Pairing: taekook/kookv/vkook (Kim Taehyung & Jeon Jungkook) Rating: PG13 Genre: angst but you’ll live Word Count: 2,029 Trigger Warning/s: swearing(?), one or two sentences of questioning self worth but not too graphic Cross-posted on: AO3/dtgloss

NOTES: ∟ banner by @rkivepacks​ ∟ request banner here ∟ request prompt/send commission here

∟ unbeta-ed ∟ the requests for a sequel for the first one was from a long time ago and im p sure when they said requests they were hoping for a fluff one but i wasnt in the mood for fluffy when i did this so...

Summary:   the difference between want and have is you

his eyes roam the words carefully printed on the wall, on the lower left part of the painting. it is where the title, date and artist are usually placed.

a piece of me is always found right beside you it follows you wherever you go it’s lonely from what i see where i stay far from you

alone.

taehyung, these days, is alone.

he is used to it but routine never makes it okay to be alone.

his sadness should not be a routine but, oh well, it is.

he stays in his average house that’s one in the lined town houses in the village. the area itself is decongested, only the people habituating each house goes in and out of their little village and everyone is almost familiar, if not knows, each other.

his own house in particular looks lived on. more so on the side of used but not so worn out. maybe the walls are not as white and clean as they used to be, a few scratches and dirts that got on it as days pass by but no ceiling has started falling down unprompted and everything works how they’re assigned to function.

taehyung would like to think he’s more sad than alone. he still has friends anyway but friends cannot always live with you on your house guised under the cover of it being a sleepover that turns into days.

but friends just like him have their own personal matters and cannot always be with him. he understands when hoseok cannot stay for more than two days and has to leave just before lunch to meet up with a close friend of his, one from outside of their group of friends so taehyung can’t have the option to ask to come with. he understands when jimin cannot come on days he’s asking him to and sometimes comes on a saturday instead of his friday night invite.

when he’s so down, he thinks he’s not entitled to his friends times but they assure him it’s not the case.

so no, he is not alone.

he goes over to the next display, going over the sculpture itself and then to the artist description posed near the display. the sculpture itself is a form that resembles a man that is slightly haunched, although it takes more than a second to realize as the form only captures the head to chest of a human body, but considering that the back part of it protrudes slightly the way a man would when lax. the main body is that of charcoal color but it was designed to portray a visual effect of a dripping paint from its head, represented with different colors which are bright enough to contrast its dark body.

the display is almost familiar and it has been staring at him longer than he stared at it.

the title is printed in bold, a sinner

love is not a sin but my thoughts about you and the way i see the word love around you is

taehyung moves on to another display, it being a worn out stack of paper that looks as if it has 300 pages of a4’s binded by a clip. he steps closer to it to inspect, knowing displays are off limits and can only be appreciated through the eyes, he skims over the word of what he found out would be a script of some sort.

he reads,

i’m drunk, i love you

the difference between want and have is you

he walks over to the last one if its placement by the exit is anything to go by, just like the last one he’s looked over, it’s a display with a single ring in the middle.

all alone

and it sits there as if it has been assigned to mock him and the ring that sits on the very bottom and far end of a box full of things he doesn’t need but can’t seem to throw away.

he reads the title and wow, yes. it’s definitely mocking him. he had been giving it the benefit of the doubt but the title is the last straw. this whole exhibit is out to mock him.

taehyung thinks he’s being over dramatic. but he also thinks this last display is offensive to him, absolutely personal.

—

taehyung sits at home, eyes on the tv he has playing as he waits for night time news.

it seems like the words of the last display he went to see that day have been imprinted on his brain, on the wall in front of him, on the ceiling as he looks up, when he close his eyes.

—

Once you told me, your eyes are always on me.

And you did, you took care of me.

Because you are that kind of person.

You put me before you.

All the time.

Which is why you are the best.

To be honest, I would not even put me before me.

—

taehyungiehyungihyung,

have you been well? i hope you are. the longest time i’ve been away from you is now and still counting— the present. the second one would be during Christmas breaks because you and your family spend it on your relatives home alternately and don’t come back until after new years. anyway... is your hair longer now? i hope it is and i hope you dont cut it. i seem to have a lot of hopes.

im packing up for a trip to a long trail not too far from here. they said it was too pretty to pass up and you get to reach the clouds.

, jungkook

taehyung reads the letter. he received it yesterday late afternoon and it doesnt have a date. jungkook often forgets to write dates so he assumes they were written at least three days ago.

it wasnt the first letter he received. he doesnt keep count but he has a few kept behind his door where he puts his mails.

in the first letter, jungkook said its best to not have taehyung write back. he goes from one place to another, he said. so, taehyung merely reads them and keeps them.

in the first letter, he also said about his sudden departure. he wanted to be away for a while and he knows his best friend would need him for the wedding so he decided to do it after. he didnt even get to say goodbye and only got a whiff of the younger when the letter came that day.

jungkook didnt say why he left and where he went. he just did. right after taehyung’s wedding, he packed up and went away from taehyung’s vicinity as far as he could.

does he know? taehyung asks. does he know i’m not married anymore?

—

his divorce with minji was something that stemmed off a petty thing.

falling out of love is a petty thing.

but, he guesses, they both cannot trap themselves in a house they’re not happy in anymore.

it was sudden, the divorce.

minji told him that she doesnt feel the same anymore. they agreed to stay off the house and after more than a week of a cool off she said she doesnt feel anything at all.

in taehyung’s case, he did not feel it the same way minji did. he only noticed once minji told him she felt that way. it made him feel that the heaviness in the room when they’re both in it was a foreboding for something.

taehyung is a giving lover. the time away from minji made him think a lot. he knows he doesn’t have a choice but to agree on the separation. forbid his thoughts, but he doesn’t want the time to come when the both of them completely falls out of love and seeks warmth from another person and then go home at night to sleep in the same bed.

he texts minji, because as accepting as he is about the decision, he’s not too keen watching a soon to be ex wife pack up and leave.

both of them were gradually moving out their personal items from the house. properties they bought with their shared money will be sold as secondhand items and some are donated.

in between moving out and settling in to a new apartment, he’s had namjoon and jimin with him and if yoongi has extra time mostly at night, he helps sort out his things.

he knew there was a missing person. he wanted to tell jungkook about it.

but jungkook wasn’t there.

—

until one day, jungkook is back.

suddenly, he’s there attending the dinner party for jin’s birthday, sat beside hoseok.

he casted him wary glances throughout the night. at some point he was even referencing to taehyung like everything’s so normal, but taehyung knows it’s just a very jungkook way of letting him know ‘i’m here and i will talk to you and acknowledge your presence whether you like it or not’. taehyung isn’t one for being petty so he went along with it. thankfully, their friends don’t seem to give too much thought into their two other friends sat on the opposite sides of the table.

the next day, jungkook seems to have arrived in taehyung’s new home at the same time a delivery for taehyung came. it eased jungkook’s nerves that he doesn’t have to go through knocking and then purposefully being ignored.

“did you order anything?” jungkook asks just as the delivery person makes their leave.

“i went and bought some essential oils.” taehyung silently gestures for the other to come in and jungkook did, locking the door behind him.

“how are you, taehyungie?” jungkook was sat in front of taehyung in the living room. there’s only the makeshift coffee table and some mats on the floor to sit on since taehyung have yet to buy a sofa.

“tired these days. in between work and unpacking. i’m jealous of kids who do nothing when they’re moving into a new home because they get a free pass to not do things around.” taehyung pouts silently, looking at the soda in can at hand while he traces a finger on the lid.

jungkook chuckles at that and after, no one speaks until, “i’ve heard about it.”

when taehyung makes no motion to respond to it, jungkook continues, “jimin hyung mentioned it to me one time that they were helping you move out so i asked... sorry.”

“it’s okay. i had friends who helped me. i got by.” taehyung winces.

“i wasn’t.” jungkook says, the here that follows hangs in the air which they know would follow.

“you were busy.” taehyung says instead.

jungkook would retaliate but he knows there’s no point.

“i sent you an invite to my exhibit. you went?” jungkook asks, hopeful.

“i did.”

“you didn’t insist to text me or write. i kind of assumed you would once you see it, but it’s okay. at least you did go to it.” jungkook pats his own thigh lightly to distract him.

“i wouldn’t know what to say. at the wedding, and even before that. i would feel something but i didn’t want to be that person and assume. i could be seeing it wrong, i don’t know.” taehyung rambles. “but then the other boys would also drop a few comments here and then.” and it’s true. sometimes jin would say teasing words and taehyung only acts as if he doesn’t get it and sometimes, he acts as if he didn’t hear it at all.

“you were happy. i don’t have any excuse.” jungkook whispers.

“now-“

“now what?”

“i guess to some extent, i liked you back. but i didn’t see it until now so i’m not going to rush this and jump into a relationship with you right away. it’s not fair to the both of us.”

“i understand. after all, your divorce is not yet finalized. i’d be here for you but i’m not gonna distract you from it.” jungkook assures him and that’s all he needs. everything will be okay.

“i know it’s the last day of your exhibit today. wanna go together?” taehyung smiles at jungkook and indeed, everything’s okay.

Jess is texting me and shes super upset because she had now tried to order food 3 times but each time the place calls and there is a reason they cant give her her order. And apparently her landlord caught her oven on fire today so she cant cook at home. I am trying to talk her down but shes really upset. We are so simpler in our meltdowns sometimes. But it is so hard to try to talk her down through text and I hate that she doesnt have someone like James there to ground her. Ugh. I just want my friend to be happy. 

It makes me want to be better so I can be there for her though. Like I am very tired and in pain but I am trying to hold off any sad feelings I might have because I need to be there for her. 

And today was a good day. I am just tired. 

I slept well but I didnt want to get up. Once I did I felt okay. I was annoyed because my stupid toothbrush isnt working right. Which made me leave a couple minutes later then I wanted. Not that it actually matters because no one notices if youre a few minutes late at camp. But still. 

I really liked my outfit today. And I used spin pins to put my hair back and that made me feel real cue. I said goodbye to James and headed out. And like I thought no one noticed when I was there a little later. Other people came after me. I felt very. Isolated today. Not for the whole day, but I mostly just wanted to be alone. People seem concerned about it but I just want to spend time with me. 

And my chest still hurt. So I talked to the nurse and she said to come by later. But first was check in. Except they didnt need me to walk anyone over to their cabins. Again. Like always. Just let me stay in the arts building you dont even need me!! But I did get a couple kids and walked them up as I was going to the arts shed but they only came with me because I stopped Ellen from walking them up since I was going over there anyway. 

After I dropped them off I went to get the art from yesterday. Took that all over to the cabins. I brought the doll eyes for one of the little girls that's stuffie lost an eye yesterday. And then I went to get set up. 

I didnt have the YPL student today, she'll be back friday apparently. But thats okay, Like I said I enjoyed my own company today. I had some podcasts to listen to. I set up my projects and chilled for a while. 

I did some cleaning. And I waited for my groups. I had 2 groups today, but they were big groups! 13 kids each. Which yes isnt actually big. But its big for camp. 

But honestly both groups were great. The first group I did have some behavioral issues with one boy who screamed at me. But they are littles and I just looked and him and I was like "Youre not going to hurt my feelings?" Like he was screaming because he had to wait to use to the bathroom? I cant let you wander away calm down. 

But they were still a good group and they did a good job making their stencil arts. 

I had a big break in the middle. I went to the nurse and got some ibuprofen. Which I then dropped in the field, didnt notice until I got back to the shed,  and had to search for it. But I found it. And it helped a lot.

In my time before lunch I collected materials and made sure I had enough for the thursday groups. I had to go and get a student list which was a whole thing. 

And while I waited for that I played Bop It! I hadnt played that in a long long time but I got the high score. It was beat a few times after that today but it was fun in that moment to get the highscore on my first time playing in over a decade. 

I had lunch on the porch. Enjoyed talking to other counselors. But soon after that I took a long walk around camp. Went and pet the ponies. Checked on Lani the rat. Still alive. And then back to arts and crafts to wait for my group.

The second group had more issue with the project but they were still great. And their counselor Matt is super helpful. Like he kept asking and I was like Im good! But I appreciate the offers regardless. 

I finished up cleaning after the kids headed out. I had like an hour before pick up so I tried to get some of the reclaimed clay I had in the water bucket dried and read to use. But omg. It smells like death. I dont know why but it smells so horrible. I put it between some large pieces of paper and left it out and well see if it improves but this might be a loss. I have plenty of clay for next week so Im not worried but I am frustrated. I washed my hands like 6 times and still struggled to get the terrible smell off. 

 After I did though I went to offer help with pick up but again they do not need me. So when there was a need to walk a child to the other side of camp I offered my services and then took the bus kids down from there to the office on my way back. I just want to be helpful. It was funny though one of my jobs in walking the kids was to stop them from eating the wineberries on the paths. Like they are basically ripe but they eat them all and then we dont have them for jam making and dying fabrics. I want to try these berries though. Maybe that will be an experiment tomorrow. 

I headed home after that. Was really glad to be back here. It felt like a longer drive than normal. And more and more cars are on the road and I hate that. But I got back in one piece. And Mr Will was painting in the foyer. It was nice to see him. He fixed the broken part of the roof which was nice. I joked with him for a minute. Then I saw I had some packages and was excited about that. 

I went upstairs. Had a snack. Opened my packages. One was my causebox and I know they had some issues because of the pandemic so while it wasnt the best box, it is still a good one. I got a fancy facial brush thing. And honestly it made my skin feel so soft when I used it to wash my face. Awesome. 

I played animal crossing for a little. I painted my nails. And now I am just laying here hoping Jess is okay and wishing James was home. 

Tomorrow is my day without classes. I have some stuff to do for this week and next. And then I might do some planning for future weeks. Because projects are supposed to start repeating but I am not 100% sure how Im doing that. So I will try to work through that and get supplies. Well see. 

I hope you all have a nice night tonight. Sleep good. 

The Dirty Mix

A/N: This is a dirty-minded, flirty story with fluffs galore. All songs titles in this fic are linked so you can play as you go if you want. Hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader 

Description: This was a request by @kaitlinlexiexx asked: can you maybe do a Billy x reader where the reader is really shy and punk rockish? she likes rock music, leather jackets, all that jazz. and then she bumps into Billy or something in the hall at school and she befriends him. then they start talking and she opens up more and is actually really dirty minded and it shocks him?

Work Count: 6291

Complete Story Warnings: Abuse Mentioned, Language, & Dirty Talk.

__ __

The school day had finally ended and you were so ready to go home. You clicked on your Walkman and the loud rock music filled your ears. You walked through the halls of people and kept to yourself like you did most days. You didn’t make conversation if you didn’t need to and tried to avoid it in general. Your headphones were your safe haven, your calm and the loud music coming from them helped you zone out. People would smile and wave to you but they knew you well enough to stop with that, you would return the gestures and that was nice enough. People understood you were shy but that you also didn’t let people take advantage of you. You were pretty well liked, even if you didn’t go out of your way to talk with others.

You zipped up your leather jacket before walking outside into the cold air. Your boots tracked through the snow as you made your way to the parking lot. You hummed quietly with your music and when someone banged into you out of nowhere, you felt the headphones fall from your ears. You slipped on the ice and almost fell before someone grabbed your arm. You managed to get your footing and then glanced to the person still holding your arm. Your eyes met with Billy Hargrove’s who was looking at you a little.

“Fuck,” you said suddenly, seeing your Walkman on the ground in pieces. “Shit,” you hissed as you picked it up and looked at it. You tried playing it after fixing the cassette cover but when it didn’t work you sighed.

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you speak,” you heard and looked up to Billy. “Sorry about your Walkman.”

You gave him a crooked smile and just kind of shrugged. “Thanks for helping me. See you around,” you said quietly before you made a waving gesture with your hand that held the broken music player. You messed with it as you walked to your car, the headphones around your neck.

Billy continued to watch you walk to your car. He had seen you in school a few times, always with your headphones on and you never spoke. He had made eye contact with you a few times but it never went any further. He didn’t know if you were shy or just didn’t care to socialize with people. Either way, you had peaked his interest. He hadn’t meant to run into you, he had turned, trying to find Tommy but crashed into you instead. He got into his car and sighed as he waited for Max to finally come.

__ __

Walking through school for the day felt really odd without your music but you hadn’t been able to afford to replace your player. You knew you would have to soon or you would go crazy. Standing at your locker and hearing everyone talking almost gave you a headache. By the end of the day, you just wanted to get in your car and blare music. You knew it wasn’t Billy’s fault but you were still a little irritated.

You quickly made your way to your car and stopped suddenly when you saw Billy standing in front of your door. You adjusted your bag strap on your shoulder before you scrunched up your face at him. “What’s up, Hargrove?”

“Uh, I felt bad yesterday,” he admitted before he pulled a box from his messenger bag. You looked to it and saw it was for a Walkman. “I couldn’t find the one you had but this one is the best. That’s what the guy at Radio Shack said,” Billy said before shrugging like it didn’t matter. He held the box out to you. “We good?”

You hesitated for a second before you took it and looked at it. You smiled a bit before looking up at him. “Thank you, Billy. This is great,” you admitted, glancing back down to the box again. “See you tomorrow,” you said before giving him a little wave when he began walking back to his car. He nodded and sent a wave back.

__ __

Billy came out of school the next day and sighed as he trudged up to the parking lot. You stood by his car and swayed awkwardly for a moment. He spotted you and raised an eyebrow, showing his uncertainty.

“I made you a tape,” you mumbled and held the cassette out. “As a thank you for the Walkman,” you added with a shrug.

Billy took the tape from your hand and glanced at it for a moment.  “Thanks,” he said, looking at it.

“I don't know if you'll like the music but it's some of my favorites. So hopefully there's something on there you'll like,” you said before shrugging. “Later,” you said before heading to your car.

Billy lifted three fingers as a wave and nodded his head. He got into his car and looked at the tape for a minute before pushing it into his player. He turned his Camaro on before turning up the volume dial a little. Guitar riffs started filling the car as the beginning of ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ by AC/DC started playing through the speakers. Billy raised his eyes a little but smirked, he wasn’t expecting the song as one of your favorites but was pleasantly surprised.

Billy continued to sit in the car and wait for Max. The next song started and he hadn’t heard it before. It started a little slow but the chorus had him nodding his head and tapping his hand mindlessly against the side of his thigh.  He figured the song was called ‘Feel Like Makin’ Love’ and found an amused smile on his lips. He glanced around the parking lot to see if you were still around but your car was gone.

Billy snapped his head back when he heard his passenger side door open and saw Max climb in. “Hey,” Billy said before he paused for a moment, Max raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you know a (Y/N)? She goes to school here?”

“Headphones?” Max asked, Billy nodded a little. “Yeah, we know her. She walks around town all the time. We heard her name once but we already named her Headphones.” Billy nodded before he put his car in reverse and backed out of his parking space.

__ __

Billy had gone out on a date Friday night that had proved to be about as exciting as all his other dates. They went to the diner, caught the newest movie and Billy had her home by ten like her father had instructed. He hadn’t even been able to get up the gumption to kiss the girl goodnight, he had remained in the car and took off before she even made it to her door.

Billy glanced around the dark streets of Hawkins before he pushed the cassette tape back into his player. His date had popped it out at one point, complaining about the music. He heard the beginning strums of ‘Night Moves’ by Bob Seger and nodded his head a little to the music. Billy drove around mindlessly, boredly hating how Hawkin’s never had anything to offer for entertainment.

It was about eleven o’clock when Billy spotted someone crossing the street ahead of him a ways. He saw the figure walking down a path in the woods and slowly brought his car to a stop, squinting into the trees. The figure had disappeared and Billy told himself to leave it alone but he found himself shutting off his car and getting out. His breath came out in huffs in front of him as he walked through the snowy woods, following the footprints. He went a little ways and was about to turn back when he saw a clearing up ahead. He slowly walked up to it and saw a bunch of abandoned cars and a large, rusting school bus. He glanced around before he saw someone sitting on top of the bus, facing the opposite direction.

Billy came closer and then shook his head as he could see the headphones resting on your ears. You were looking out over the distant lights and seemed calm. He looked for something to climb up on before he managed to get on top of the bus. You didn’t seem to notice him until he sat beside you, letting his legs hang next to yours, over the side of the bus. You jumped and gasped before you sighed in relief and then just gave him a crooked, awkward smile.

“Aren’t you cold?” Billy asked, he saw you push back one of your headphones and lean your head, showing you hadn’t heard him. “Aren’t you cold?”

You kind of shrugged and shook your head. “What are you doing out here? I don’t have many people bother me at this hour,” you said with a little smile, pulling your headphones down around your neck.

“I was driving around, thought I saw a damn ghost,” Billy admitted before he folded his hands together and leaned forward, looking over the fields and trees. “What are you doing out here?”

“Thinking,” you said plainly and tucked your hands into your jacket pockets.

“You don’t have a warmer place to think? What about your car?” Billy asked and glanced back at you.

“I’m only allowed to use it to get back and forth to school,” you explained. “I don’t mind walking, it helps me clear my head.”

You both sat in silence for a few moments, nothing but the sound of the faint music coming from your headphones. “I listened to your tape,” Billy said after a moment and an amused smile fell onto his lips. “I didn’t know you were so into rock,” he quipped before smirking at you. “Or that your music taste is completely in the gutter.”  You seemed to look at him like you didn’t understand what he was saying. He listed off a few of the songs you had recorded, all pertaining to having sex in one way or the other.

You snorted before laughing a little and nodding. “I suppose I did give you the dirty mix,” you said with a smirk. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” Billy said, turning his head back to look at you again. He placed a pleasant looking smile on his face as he stared.

“Who doesn’t like to listen to songs about getting laid?” You laughed and shook your head a little.

“I guess I just wasn’t expecting it,” Billy admitted before he looked back over the trees, glancing to some of the lights in the distance.

“They’re good songs to listen to. Especially at school when you walk by,” you said before smiling a bit. Billy could nearly see the blush on your cheeks but was taken aback a little. He hadn’t expected you to be so blunt about liking him and found a small laugh leave his throat.

“Well, for a shy girl, you definitely speak your mind,” Billy muttered with a smirk finding its way onto his lips.  

“Well, as you said, it’s always in the gutter,” you said before giving him a playful smirk, shrugging your shoulders. You checked your watch for a moment before looking around. “It was really good to see you Billy. I have to go,” you said before shooting him a little wave. “See you Monday?” You asked, stopping and turning back to look at him.

“Yeah, uh, I’ll see you then,” Billy said, surprised by you suddenly parting. He was going to ask if you needed a ride but decided against it.

You shot Billy a wave before you hopped down onto the hood of the bus and then onto the ground. He watched you walked out of the junkyard before he turned back, looking over the trees again.

__ __

Billy had a shit day, there was no other way to describe it. His father had yelled at him the entire morning before school and when he showed up late, his teacher had given him detention. He wasn’t overly excited about the idea of spending his Saturday at the school or telling his father about it but he didn’t have much of a choice.

Billy saw you in the hall, walking ahead of him with your headphones on. He knew calling you would be no good so he tried to catch up to you before you left for the day. Someone stepped in front of him and he looked down, seeing his date from Friday night. “Hey,” Billy said but glanced over her head, sighing a little when you went around a corner and he lost sight of you.

“So, I thought you were going to call me?” The girl said and Billy racked his brain to remember her name.

“Oh,” he started and it finally came to him. “Yeah, Ally. Sorry,” he mumbled. “Had a crazy weekend.”

“Was something wrong Friday?” She asked and hugged her books a little. “I mean, you just didn’t seem too interested.”

Billy sighed a little and let his tongue run over his bottom lip. “Yeah, Ally. I’m sorry. I’m just not in a good place right now,” Billy said, trying to let her down gently.

“Well, did you want to hang out later?” Ally tried and bit her bottom lip.

“Maybe. I’ll see how I feel in a few weeks,” he said. She didn’t seem to like that answer too much but just nodded before heading on her way down the hall.

Billy finally made it outside but when he reached the parking lot he didn’t see your car. He frowned a little and leaned back against his Camaro with a sigh. Digging for a cigarette, he leaned back off his car and turned to light it before his eyes noticed something on his windshield. He reached down and lifted one of the wipers, holding up a cassette tape. ‘Dirty Mix Part 2’ was scribbled on the small label and he smirked before he got into the car and put the tape in. ‘Need You Tonight’ by INXS started playing through his speakers and a smirk covered Billy’s face. He was really thinking it was about time to ask you on a date.

__ __

Billy had practice the next day after school and he noticed he felt a little bummed that he couldn’t try to bump into you in the parking lot. He had almost grown used to your little meetups, even if it hadn’t been that long of a habit.

“Where you been, man? You’ve been a ghost this last week,” Tommy said as he came up to Billy on the court.

Billy shrugged a little and kind of just smiled. “Just been around, messing around,” Billy said before he shot a basket.

Tommy laughed and Billy looked up to him before he looked past him, someone catching his eye. He saw you sitting on the bleachers, your headphones on and your toe tapping. You were staring at him, flatout your eyes were on Billy and he could only imagine what was playing on your Walkman.

Tommy followed Billy’s gaze before he snorted a little bit. “Headphones? Really?” Tommy mumbled and Billy broke his eye contact with you and looked at Tommy.

“Why do people call her that? She has a name,” Billy snipped as he dribbled his ball a little.

“She doesn’t talk to people,” Tommy said before shrugging. “She walks around the halls and does nothing but listen to her stupid Walkman.”

“Just shut up, man,” Billy said after a moment. He wasn’t sure why it bugged him so much but he didn’t like Tommy talking bad about you.

“What are you fucking her or something?” Tommy laughed and shot his ball at the rim of the hoop.

Billy angrily took a step towards Tommy before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Steve Harrington looking at him. “Hey, man. Ignore him. He’s got a big mouth,” Steve said, trying to get Billy to calm himself. Billy wasn’t sure why Steve was stepping in since Billy had knocked Steve out before, quite badly. “Not worth it. He doesn’t think about what he’s saying,” Steve said, urging Billy to relax with his words.

“What’s it got to do with you?” Billy asked bitterly, wondering why Steve was being stupid enough to interrupt.

Steve sighed with his hands on his hips before he glanced over to you. Billy watched you smile and wave at Steve for a moment and Steve returned it. Tommy snorted and came up behind Billy with his arms crossed. “Probably because Harrington is fucking her,” he added.

“Dude, no,” Steve argued but Billy’s angered face told him he wasn’t buying it.

Billy shoved Steve back a little and glared. “Is it true?”

“I just told you it wasn’t. Are you deaf?” Steve asked with his hands up, trying to remain innocent and undefensive.

Billy shoved Steve again and he tripped up before he fell. Your head snapped up from where you’d been mindlessly doodling, the music having kept you from noticing the argument. You saw Steve on the ground and Billy standing over him, looking angry. You didn’t want to draw attention to yourself but Steve had been a good friend since you were young. You walked out onto the basketball court and stepped in front of Steve, blocking Billy’s path. You could tell he wasn’t expecting it because he nearly fell back as you reached down and helped up Steve.

“Told you,” Tommy said into Billy’s ear.

“Shut your trap, Tommy,” you snapped, glaring at him. Tommy had never made your life easier, he always tried to make it harder. The gym wasn’t too full since the practice hadn’t fully started yet so you didn’t feel too anxious.

“Back off, bitch,” Tommy retorted with his own glare and stepped towards you. You saw Billy’s arm come up in front of Tommy, it was subtle but you saw it. You glanced to Billy and gave him a small smile.

Steve thanked you quietly and you turned to him before you gave him a little hug. “I’ll watch the next one,” you said to Steve and Billy. People were beginning to stare at you and it made you uncomfortable. “Bye, guys.” You gave a small wave before you replaced your headphones and left the gym.

“She came to watch you?” Billy asked, nearly glaring a hole through Steve.

“Well, she never has before, so I don’t think that was for me,” Steve said honestly. Billy found a small smirk on his lips as he turned around. He decided to let it go but kicked himself a little. He wondered what you had been listening to while watching him play, he wished he hadn’t ruined it. __ __

“I’m sorry about the other day?” You looked up from your lunch to see Billy sitting himself across from you. You pulled off your headphones and gave him an awkward smile, showing you hadn’t heard him. “I’m sorry about the other day,” Billy repeated. You scrunched up your face, showing you were a little confused. “In the gym. When I shoved Steve,” he elaborated.

“Oh,” you said, finally understanding. “Yeah, I was a little disappointed. I was enjoying watching you run around shirtless,” you said with a little smirk and Billy raised an eyebrow at you as he smirked.

“What song were you listening to?” Billy asked, leaning across the table a little. The thought had been in his head since he saw you there and he really wanted to know.

“While watching you?” You asked to confirm and saw Billy nod. You blushed a bit but smiled. “’Lick it Up’ by KISS,” you admitted.

Billy shook his head but had a huge smile on his face. He really had never imagined you to have such a filthy mind but he was beginning to really like it. “I think we need to go out,” Billy said like it was a known fact.

“Oh yeah?” You asked and glanced up at him through your eyelashes. “Like go out to eat or to reenact the KISS song?” You dragged your tongue over your spoon and looked him in the eye.

Billy felt a pull between his legs and breathed out heatedly. “Are you busy Friday night?”

You smirked at him for not answering the question but then pouted in a playful way. “I’m out of town this weekend and most of next week,” you said honestly. “Next weekend I’m available though,” you offered.

“Next Friday around seven?” Billy asked, hopeful you’d agree. The thought of waiting almost two weeks to take you out was long enough, he was hoping it wouldn’t be longer than that.

“Sure,” you said with a bit of a smile. “See you later, Hargrove,” you purred as you got up with your empty tray, beating the bell that rang a moment later. Billy barely heard it as his eyes followed you out of the cafeteria.

__ __

Billy heard a dreamy sigh from behind him at his locker and turned around, he smiled when he saw it was you. “I'm sorry, some days I just have to stop and stare at an ass that gorgeous,” you said before you giggled.

“You know, a mouth like that, could get you in trouble,” Billy said before he leaned against his locker and fixed you with a dreamy stare.

“A look like that makes me think I wouldn't mind,” you said with a little smirk. “Besides, I'm good at using my mouth for more than just running it,” you said as you leaned into him. Billy felt his skin warm all over as he looked to your mouth that you left slightly parted. You purposely left your lips parted and ran your tongue over them.

Billy looked like he was coming undone in front of you and it made you giggle a little. “See you around, Hargrove,” you purred before leaning close like you were going to kiss him and walked off.

Billy's eyes ran over you and he watched you walk down the hall, he had to swallow to wet his throat. He couldn't deny how badly he wanted to find a bed and put you in it.

__ __

Billy had found himself returning to the junkyard after your first meeting there. He wasn't sure what it was but the area was quiet and he could think there. He turned suddenly when he heard a noise on the hood of the bus and turned to see you climbing up onto the top.

“I can't believe you didn't hear me walk up,” you said, seeing that you had jumped him slightly.  “How's it going?”

Billy held his gaze straight, trying to keep the other side of his face hidden. He'd gotten into it with his father again and didn't want to have to explain the busted lip. “Alright,” Billy said before shrugging. “How was your day? I didn't see you at school,” he commented.

“I was there, we must have just missed each other,” you said with a small shrug and pout.

“So where are you going this weekend?” Billy asked and leaned forward a little, letting his elbows set on his knees.

“Visiting family,” you mumbled and shrugged a bit. “Mom's parents live about five hours away and we go see them once a month.”

Billy nodded his head a little and tried to place the song coming from your headphones that laid around your neck.

“‘Africa’ by Toto,” you said with a little laugh when he mindlessly leaned closer. He made a slight face at you and you laughed. “Hey, it's gonna be a classic,” you said with a smile. You turned the volume up so he could hear it better. “Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you!” You loudly sang, dramatically dragging out the words that the song did.

Billy found an actual laugh come from himself and shook his head. “Yeah, let's never speak of this again,” he joked and you playfully hit his shoulder.

“Can’t believe you're hating on Toto,” you said with a grin before you sighed out and looked over the trees.

“Fine. It's not a horrible song,” he mumbled before smirking a bit at you. It was at this moment Billy realized he was showing his split lip and turned back forward. He was waiting for the inevitable, for you to ask what had happened and what was wrong.

“Can’t hate on a future classic,” was all you said, your tone still light and Billy was grateful to you.

“I suppose not,” he said with a shrug and smiled a bit. Billy didn't know how long you planned on staying out on the bus but he knew he wasn't leaving until you were. He was prepared to stay the rest of the night.

__ __

Billy didn't want admit it but not seeing you in the halls all week made him feel a little down. He missed your witty banter and your occasional dirty comment.

He had returned to the junkyard a few times and on one of the nights he had accidentally fallen asleep. When he dragged in early in the morning his father started on him. Yelling about him being gone all night and asking who he had been sleeping with.

“So which was it? A whore or a guy?” His father asked and Billy stood by the door, his keys in his hand. He didn't move and tried not to listen, he was tired of being treated like he was worthless. “You know, maybe you wouldn't think you were such a pretty boy without that hair,” Neil barked and went into the kitchen, pulling scissors from a drawer. He grabbed Billy's hand and slapped the scissors into them. “Cut it,” Neil hissed.

“Dad,” Billy tried but his father just glared at him, his gaze telling him to be quiet.

Billy looked at the scissors for a moment before bringing them up and grabbing the end of his hair. He forced down his emotions as he made the first clip.

__ __

“Well, damn Hargrove. What happened?” Tommy asked, coming up behind Billy.

“Just wanted a new look,” Billy snipped and kept his eyes on his books in his locker as he pulled them out. He was feeling really self-conscious about his short hair but trying to pull it off.

“I liked the mullet better,” Tommy said, leaning on the locker beside Billy, Carol under his arm.

“Yeah, was definitely a hot look,” she agreed.

“I didn’t ask for your fucking opinion!” Billy barked before he slammed his locker closed.

“Jesus,” Carol said and raised her eyebrows. “Sensitive today?”

“Just get the hell out of my face,” Billy remarked before he turned and walked down the hall.

Billy felt everyone’s eyes on him the whole day and it left him on edge. He kept his gaze down and kept quiet for most of the day, he just wanted to go home.

Billy walked out to his car and dropped down into the seat before he saw a cassette tape on the windshield. He rolled down the window and leaned forward, grabbing it. He had a smile on his face for the first time that day as he read the label, ‘Dirty Mix Part 3. Did you miss me?’ He looked around the parking lot but didn’t see your car. He glanced back to the tape before putting it into the player. ‘I Love Rock N’ Roll’ started blaring through his speakers and Billy found a smirk on his face.

__ __

Billy walked out into the opening of the junkyard when he saw you standing up on top of the bus. Your hands were in your jacket pockets and you were gently nodding your head to the music he already knew to be playing in your ears. He smiled for a moment before he felt a wave or insecurity and looked down a little. He didn't know how you would react to his new look. A few people had made some comments about his hair that left him feeling insecure. Naturally, he played it off like he didn't give a fuck but he did. He had liked his hair and wasn't really sure how to style his current haircut to look good.

You turned a little, just glancing around when your eyes landed on him. Billy's uncertainty washed away instantly when he saw the large smile that appeared on your face. You slid your headphones down around your neck and jumped down onto the hood of the bus before you got down.

“I didn't know you were home yet,” Billy purred and found a small smile on his lips. Billy wasn't sure why but he found a calm come over him whenever you were around. You made him feel at ease, like he didn't have to act a certain way or be someone for you to like him.

“Got back this morning,” you said with a little smile. “I like the new hair, very sexy,” you said after you had looked it over, a smirk on your lips. “It’s so cute. I liked the mullet too but this is a good look,” you said with a smile.

Billy felt okay about his hair for the first time since cutting it and he smiled a bit. “Oh, yeah? You like?”

You adored the little smirk on his lips and nodded before you wrapped your arms around him, hugging him for a moment. “Nice little surprise to come back to,” you purred. You had missed Billy during your time away.

Billy couldn't help himself as his arms came around you and it felt like an electric charge surged through him. You being this close to him and looking into his eyes the way you did made his heart race. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips, you returned it and the fire inside him was ignited.

You both stayed close for a moment before you pulled back from him and smiled. Billy watched your tongue run over your bottom lip and found himself staring. “You’re going to have to wait til our date tomorrow,” you teased before smirking.

“I can’t wait,” Billy said before he wrapped an arm around your waist. He pressed a soft kiss to your lips and looked down into your eyes, “but I will.” You smiled and for a moment, let your head rest against his shoulder.

__ __

It was seven, you were ready after fretting over your outfit, makeup and hair for about two hours. You didn’t want to overdo it but you still wanted to look nice. You excitedly sat by the door and tried not to be nervous, you kept your headphones on to stay calm.

You ignored the tightness in your chest when your Walkman popped open, signifying that you had completed all of Side A, you flipped it over and put it back in. You clicked ‘Play’ and sighed out your nerves before you looked out the window again. When the player stopped again you looked at the clock and saw that it was eight.

You got up and grabbed your bag, trying to keep your feelings calm. You could hear your mother coming from the other room and quickly darted out, not wanting her to know that you hadn’t gone on your date. You felt stupid, you had gushed and got excited, now you looked like a fool and felt like one.

You didn’t really have a plan so you just walked, soon enough you were close to the junkyard. You climbed up on the bus and wiped at your face before digging into your bag. You sniffled and found the casette you were looking for before you put it in your player and turned it on. The loud music filled your ears and you wiped at your face, cleaning yourself up. You hadn’t meant to start crying but you had been disappointed and embarrassed. You angrily put up your hair, getting it out of your face. It was a reminder of your failed date and you wanted to forget it.

You sat in the junkyard and at first tried to dream up a number of excuses for Billy before you gave it up. You let yourself listen to your mix of sad songs on your Walkman and just feel bad in general for a little while, wanting to get it all out. You hadn’t expected this of Billy. Things had felt real, was it all some sick game he had played as a joke? Was he laughing about you with his friends right now? You didn’t want that to be the case but your mind was racing. You checked your watch to see it was around ten and figured it was late enough that you could go home and lie to your mother, saying you’d gone on your date.

You stood up from the bus and turned only to bump directly into something. You gasped and nearly fell back off the bus before you felt someone catch your arm and looked up to see Billy. “Fuck, you’ve been crying,” Billy commented with a frown, you only heard him because your headphones had fallen back from your ears. You looked at him, his eye was darkened and his cheek had a split. “I didn’t mean to miss the date. I’m sorry I’m late,” he said before sighing a little. “I fucked this all up,” he rambled.

You didn’t really speak, you just stared up into his face a bit. You were angry, sad and too many feelings to voice into one sentence or anything that made sense. You didn’t know what was going on, he was banged up like he’d gotten into a fight, three hours late and at the junkyard.

“I went by your house…,” he mumbled. “I knocked and your mom said you were gone on your date” he explained. “So I wanted to try and find you. I figured you were here,” he said and motioned around.

You weren’t used to Billy rambling, normally he had everything so well planned, mapped out. This was a different side of Billy, almost a nervous wreck. “What happened?” You managed to put your anger aside as you saw how bad Billy’s face looked.

Billy seemed to start and stop about ten times before he sighed out a bit. “My dad got pissed about me going out,” he said and shrugged like it was nothing, “It’s whatever.”

You frowned and had a heartbroken expression for a second. You had honestly had no idea that anyone could be hurting Billy. He’d always appeared so strong, you couldn’t imagine him being hurt by someone else. You had noticed his occasional split lip or slightly bruised cheek from time to time and had wondered but you hadn’t said anything.  You realized now how stoic he really seemed but you found yourself wrapping your arms around him. He hesitated for a second before he wrapped you up in his arms and pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Are you okay?” You asked, your voice saddened and you pulled back, looking up into his face.

“I’m okay now,” he said quietly before he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your lips. He stayed close for a moment before your sad music reached his ears. “I’m sorry that I hurt you,” he said after a moment.

“I’m sorry I got upset. I should have just waited until I heard from you,” you said as you tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

Billy leaned back a little and glanced over you as one of his arms remained around your waist. “Damn you look really pretty,” he said, almost sounding guilty, saddened. “Fuck, I can still take you out. It’s not that late,” he tried and checked his watch.

You smiled a little at him, seeing him being sweet, a rare occurrence for Billy somedays. “It’s ten. Unfortunately, there’s not much to do in Hawkins at this hour.” You pouted a little, wishing there was something to do but knowing there wasn’t. “Do you wanna just sit with me for a while?”

Billy looked back to you from his watch and a small, fond smile formed on his face. “Yeah, I do,” he said and you smiled before you sat and he sat beside you.

You sat still for a moment before you leaned over and Billy wrapped his arm around your shoulders. The night hadn’t gone how he had planned. Most girls would have cussed him out and yelled at him about how long it took them to get ready. They wouldn’t have listened or wanted to see him but here you were, curled up beside him and understanding.

You swapped out your cassette tape and turned up your headphones so Billy could hear the music with you as you both stared out over the trees. He reached over after a moment and grabbed your hand, lacing your fingers together.

“Best date ever,” you said after a few moments and smiled shyly. Billy smiled back at you before he pressed a kiss to your lips.

You kissed for a moment before he seemed to pull away with a face like he was thinking. “Is that Queen?”

It took you a second to understand what he was talking about before your music returned to your senses. You giggled, “Yes. ‘Get Down, Make Love’.”

“Thought you'd never ask,” Billy purred before he smirked and pressed his lips back to yours as you giggled.

getting lost up in the past— this is what I found

Friday February 1st, 2013:

ugh..im sitting in third hour..i wanna cry, but i cant theres to many people..

can anyone really save me? ..no.. noone ever can.. i just wanna be happy, truely always happy.. )': ughhhhhhhhhhhh! i gotta go..

Monday February 4th, 2013:

holy shit that was a longg weekend.. i almost cut saturday.. i got a new razor & everythingg.. Jake told me to go chuck itt in the snow, soo i did, but then on sunday i went & found itt.. soo i have itt in my ipod case like my other one.

I stayed up till 3 saturday nightt watching 'Enchanted' i love that movie now (: and i sent Jake a 7 and a 9 page text.. he was asleep though..but his best friend is a girl & i have nothing at all against that, i don't have a reason to hate her at all, i havent even met her, but i still am so super jealous.. i hate that they hang out and slepover together and i dont know, i trust him.. but look what happend with the last guy, i trusted him with all my heart, i never thought he would cheat on me and he ended up fucking his ex-girlfriend and lying about it.. im so scared.. i dont wanna be here.. i was thinking saturday & yesterday how i wish i was single just so i don't have to be so paranoid..but i love being around Jake that i wouldnt dream of ending it..

Shawntay said i should tell him about how i feel with him & his besty, but i idont wanna be the dumb bitchy girlfriend who is all 'you cant talk to girls-blahh blahh blahhk' shitt, ya know?? So ima just leave it to myself because i don't care..

im really trying not to cut.. Tabby (my ex's girlfriend) told me that it takes 21 days to break a habbit & we both last cut on the 22nd, soooo we'll see how that goes..

on wednesday it'll be me & jake's 4 months.. & next thursday is valenitines (how ever you spell itt) day and i wanna get him something.. hmm..

my tits now have names.. right one is Adam & the left is Ryder (:

I love him, my baby. <3 soo much.. </3

Wednesday February 6th, 2013:

today is 4 months with my baby!! i love him sooo much. dude. <3 he is so amazingg. i just want to push him in the snow and kiss him and be crazy. i am crazy about him.. like super crazy aboutt him. <3 i dont wantt him to be taken awayyy! ):

Hunter said he was going to ask me out last week on friday on the bus.. god he's a douche.. he broke my heart so many countless times and just left.. and my ex. my good lord, he is such a dick. im sick of them both fucking with my head and heart. ive moved on and it Shawntay's words 'have a new life with a better guy'.. god i love her. i dont know where i would be right now if it werent for her.. <3 i love you shawny'z forever <3

Friday February 8th, 2013:

well..i almost cut last nightt, i didnt but i was aboutt to.. im not taking my meds, im just throwing them in a bag & ima sell them.. they weren't working anyway soo..

Im seriously so sccared that Jake's going to leave me.. even though he says he's not going to an yada yada yada, but still.. im paranoid.. it's just who i am... i love him with all my heart though.. ya know??

im diguesting..im a whore..a damn slut.. in love with a guy who prolly cant stand me.. im fucking pathetic.. why..why..why would, HOW could anyone like me, or put up with me.. i mean, what the hell..im a little ugly bitch. a fat, pathetic, stupid, idiotic, loud, sluty little damn bitch...fuckkkkkkkk.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

Monday February 11th,2013:

well..i hate myself. terribly. fucking. little. cunt. thats what i am. a fucking bitch. a pussy, more like a pair of balls.. pussy's are actually quite strong.. so im a pair of balls. GROSS!.. i like pussy better.. whatever. so anyway.. i hate how much of a bitch i am. im so mean to everyone. im not good enough for shawntay. i dont deserve jake and i feel like i treat both of them like shit.. i dont mean to. they're both my whole world..damn.. i couldnt live with out both of them.. i really couldnt.

Conversation on Saturday Night:

me: how isn't it? if you go then you wont have to worry about me.

Jake: ill worry more

me:no

Jake: yeah i will

Me:no

Jake: why cant i?

me: Because..you just cant. you shouldnt. its not worth it.Never. You should leave before you get hurt.

Jake: this isnt about right now anymore is it?

me: i guess not..

Jake: cause ive told you before im not leaving unless you stop loving me ima be here for you until you dont want me to and ima be with you till you break up with me, i love you and im gonna stay through thick and thin. you wont hurt me. You wont.

Baby i friken love you and i wanna be with you no matter what im yous i dont want anyone else but you and im gonna stay okay?

Me: i hurt everyone. i want to be with you. i am in love with you. but i am so hard and difficult. i push every single person away because i just tear people down. i dont want to do that. You are so amazing and that cant die.

how can i call that mine? that is a way to good for me kindda guy.. ive fallen in love with him. but he is way to good for me.

Tuesday February 12, 2013:

i almost cut last night.. i lost it and i started crying terribly. my mother is such a damn bitch. i cant handle her anymore.. she's having surgary on the 25th of this month.. but shes forcing me to appologise for being 'rude' to my brothers wife.. fuck that.. she told me i didnt appriciate anyone.. you dont tell someone who hates themself, who seriously cant stand to look at herself or hear herself, you DONT TELL THEM THAT THEYRE NOT FUCKING APPRICATIVE! what the hell.. so i have anger issues so i flipped out, not to her, just annonmusly over facebook & shes not even my friend on there so fuck her. seriously. and my mother is sticking up for HER, an not ME. bitch.. i have enough shit i dont need to deal with this, its from over a month ago.. i hate my mother.. she fucking came running downstairs screaming at me for taking something that i really didnt.. i didnt even know what she was talking about.. why... im always to blame. FUCK HER! god... she makes me want to kill myself. she thinks that i look up to her and that she's this perfect little angel and does everything for me.. but all she does is make me feel like shit.. i mean we have our moments that we get along an laugh an are friends. when we're friends we're totally fine, but than she turns in to over protective bitch mode.. i hate itt.. i dont wanna stay after school to get extra help.. and shes fucking making me. i hate it. i hate her. i want to get the fuck away. HELP ME! i need to be saved.

Wednesday February 13th, 2013:

theres not a lot of time to write here today...i only got about 3 minutes.. but damn.. i wanna die.. im not going to stopo myself tonight if i wanna cut. i gotta do it.. its to hard. my parents and my one brother are douches..they fucking dont know when to stop making me feel like shit.. i hate it. goddamn.. i cried so much last night.. i wish i were alone.. it'd be easier not to worry about hurting someone.. i hate myself. im absolutly disguesting. fat, ugly and just so gross.. i hate what ive become.. i cant stop myself. it's who i am now..

my razors fell out of my case this morning, it was scary i thought that someone was going to ask me what they were when i bent to pick them up.. i was so shakey.. i hate myself. ughhh. fuck. i hate everyone, my self the absolute most though.. good bye..

Thursday Febraury 14th, 2013:

well.. i stopped the 21 days last night.. 16.. 2 on my thigh, they're small. and the rest between my two arms. im such a fail..

Jake did the cutest thing ever.. he put a bunch of choclate kisses in my locker & taped it saying 'i <3 u' i keep blushing today.. i just told someone i like they're hat & he said he liked my face, i blush to much, i dont like him even, but it was kindda a compliment, soo.. *sigh* i hope shawntay doesnt get mad at me.. i told her i cut in our notebook, i havent told jake & im nott gunna unless he asks.. i cant tell him.. i HATE THAT THEY CARE!!!!!!!!! ugh... i just hurt eveyrone.. i make everyone want to kill themselves.......... FUCK.

ive been handing outt 'my little pony' valentines today.. only 4 gurls, and like 15 or more guys.. the girls are Shawntay, my friend Kenzie, Tabby & Heather. God.. all of them are so FUCKING gorgeous..ugh.. i seriously wish i could be even half as pretty as them.. Shawntay, everything about her is perfect, i wouldnt change a thing. Perfect long hair, flawless skin, perfect body.. McKenzie, she's in love, happy, so beautiful. Tabby, SO gorgeous, i find her easy to talk to and i think we could be pretty good friends. i love her hair.. i want it terribly. and Heather, her makeup, my lord is it always so damn perfect. no flaws to it, always perfect all the damn day long. She may be a bitch sometimes, but she's also hillarious as fuck. i could see me an her being better friends then we are, but not anything long-best friend. but damn.. i wish i were them..

Friday February 15th, 2013:

last night i broke down terribly and cried for hours.. i could stop. my douche fuck parents.. goddamn.. i wish i could just love them and call it good. but my mom comes down and bitches about facebook.. so now i have to delete it.. god. she controls every damn thing of my life.. she doesnt even know what tumblr is or instagram & she fucking wants me to delete them. HELL TO THE FUCK NO! dumbass. i hate her.. she ruins my life..

Tuesday February 19th, 2013:

okay..well this is reallly really stupid.. but on friday, i realized that with my ex boyfriend, he fucked her while we were together & i had sex with him countless times after.. so now i obviously did something wrong. it showed me how worthless i am & how much i seriously fuck people up..it's all my fault. i loved him wrong. i treated him like shit and look where that's gotten me.. im such a pathetic fucking fail of life. i hate myself.. im used and worthless. im the damn slut of the fucking family for fuck's sake!! my oldest brother just got married & the other just got engaged.. ugh..

ive been starving myself latley too.. it's kinda hard because i love eating, but ive been not eating lunch for about a week & i rarley eat at home soo..

Long-Ass Life Update (I’m not dead!)

Finally a life update now that I’m back home. It’s been a painful and tiring couple of weeks :’) And actually some of the days/times might be off because I was like super fucking out of it for most of that time period.

Anyhow, I went to the ER on Friday the 1st after 3 days of severe stomach pain, and the local hospital is like notoriously shitty but I was in horrible pain ok

They actually took me seriously for once, took me back immediately, ekg, ultrasound, blood and piss tests, and told me from the start not to eat or drink anything.

They told me they found gallstones and one or more might be stuck in the bile duct, but they made it sound like it wasnt inflamed and there werent many, so I wasnt super worried? They sent me for an MRI and then told me that they didnt have the capability to get out any stones, so they sent my ass an hour away via ambulance to a much better hospital so they could do the probe thing they needed to. It took until Saturday night to get a room there, though, and they didnt know when I’d get there and since they figured theyd want to do the probe ASAP, I was kept completely without eating or drinking for all of Friday night and Saturday, after not eating more than a few bites of muffin on Friday and next to nothing Thursday either because Everything Hurt.

Also, Fentanyl is fucking magic. Thats the only thing that even vaguely touched the pain.

So anyhow, I get to the other hospital at fuck o’clock at night and God Damn Staved because, like I said, bitches gave me No Fucking Food for an entire day (I’m not kidding that hospital is horrible and has a horrible reputation for ending up with killing people or making situations worse but the next nearest hospitals are an hour away in different directions and I don’t often have anyone willing to drive me that far and I often don’t feel up to driving myself that far if I’m already at “need to go to the ER, fuck the money I don’t have” point, and Saer has only just gotten into the USA and the last time they came with me to the ER they ended up with a virus for like three weeks and I wasn’t gonna do that to them again!!) and finally when I got to that hospital they were like “yeah we won’t be able to do the probe until Monday so eat something and then tomorrow you’re on a liquid diet and then nothing by mouth after midnight” so they scrounged me up some chicken broth and orange juice at like ten o’clock at night and gave me Those Good Good Meds and I slept in a decent hospital bed instead of on a fucking ER bed like Friday night (since they were transferring me at the local hospital they didn’t admit me and I slept in the ER. yeah. i hurt too badly to sleep on my side even with pain meds, and I slept on an ER bed. I had to sleep all day Saturday on and off just to get vaguely rested, but honestly? this whole ordeal has been an adventure in sleep deprivation despite heavy sedatives)

Monday rolls around and they take me for the ERCP (iirc thats what it was) where they put a thing down my throat and cut the bile duct wider so the stone could pass, get that bitch cleared up, all is well. I was heavily sedated and remember none of it, just waking up with different pain in my stomach and the world’s worst sore throat.

I was on a liquid diet from that and until the extraction on Wednesday. I have drank my weight in broth and orange juice.

Wednesday they take me in to remove my gallbladder. It was supposed to be a simple laparoscopic procedure, nip it out, pull it, I go home in a couple days with a couple small cuts on my belly. My dad (and several other people) reassured me that it was routine and quick, and is an easy procedure that should take 2 hours at most. I told him, “Listen, with me, literally nothing is ever easy and you know that”

Fast forward to me waking up and my first thought is “is that a catheter? guess it didnt go so easy after all.” I’m pretty sure the first words I said as I woke up were “told you it wouldnt be easy” lmao

Remember how hospital #1 told me that my gallbladder wasn’t inflamed and there were only a couple gallstones?

It was chock goddamn full of gallstones and so inflamed that when they tried to get it out laparoscopically, it tore. He spent an hour trying to get it out that way safely before realizing that his only recourse is to cut me open and get it out that way. The procedure took closer to 5 hours.

I have at least 20 staples in my belly now and I hope I get a cool fuckin scar but shit hurts still. I was in the hospital slowly ramping up to eating solid food again until Friday when I was allowed to go home to Saer. I can’t lift anything more than 20 pounds for another like month, and my range of motion is a fraction of what it was before. I’m so easily exhausted now and i can barely do anything and it’s really fucking pathetic??? and every time I bring that up Saer is like “they TOOK your ORGAN” so

(its really sad that i’m so conditioned that If I’m Not Doing Everything I Can All The Time Then I’m Not Trying Hard Enough that even after having full surgery to remove an organ I’m like NO I CAN DO THE THING and then end up hurting myself s-sobs)

(we watched the episode of b99 today where gina comes back after getting hit by a bus and when she tried to dance while still in the halo saer pointed at her and was like “it u” and i was like “exCUSE” but like, tru)

anyhow, im home, and i have my wife with me, and saer is such a blessing right now because i cannot do SHIT and they need to help me off the couch sometimes if my dumb ass gets in a position with no leverage, and also ive already fallen off the couch like twice because i was like NO I GOT IT and saer was across the room like BEB NO U DONT and yeah im stubborn and stupid ok saer is saving me from myself for the most part

also also the app i drive for is shutting down in my city at the start of december hhhhh so now i also have to fuckin... find a job like this and uGH do not WANT ffff

but yeah thats something even my parents have okayed me holding off on until I’m better so if even my fuckin parents are like “pls chill???” yall know im fucked up

however i’m mostly weaned off opiod pain meds now and am only using them at night when it’s worse and hard to sleep, tylenol tends to take care of it well enough now. my range of motion is improving, too, but i am just still so easily tired that its frustrating. we went grocery shopping yesterday and even in the little motor scooter i was completely worn out by the end of it.

but im alive! all is well! i will continue improving! sorry for being so quiet during this but like I said, i’ve been some level of sedated for most of this event. not fully sedated except for the two procedures, but fentanyl and dilautin (ok i have no idea what it actually is and google isnt helping but i had a button for it) and then morphine and hydrocodone on top of not getting restful sleep At All due to pain, discomfort, and people coming in every hour for vitals checks... I was fuckin Gone i got fuckall done rip

however once my pain-induced blood pressure spike was lowered (i saw them take it at the ER and it was fuckin RED) everyone was like “...you have really good blood pressure??” like i’m pretty sure i have low blood pressure naturally and my size/genetics gives me high blood pressure and they kinda cancel each other out, but yeah. pretty cool.

my family kept swinging between “IF YOURE IN THAT MUCH PAIN FOR 24 HOURS YOU GO TO THE ER. YOU DO NOT WAIT THREE DAYS.” and “...jesus christ you have a high pain tolerance”

//throws the horns thats what chronic pain does to ya baybee

my mom especially was impressed because she was just like “you’re so calm talking to them about how much it hurts how are you doing that” and im just like “its literally wasted energy to freak out and i hurt too badly to move so im just gonna sit here and tell them im a ten and hope they take pity on me because i have no other options”

anyhow fun new experience and im pretty sure ive broken my brother’s hospitalization record and also pretty sure i’ve got enough medical debt on me now that i can literally file for bankruptcy so

also i can feel a void near my ribs and it is so bizarre yall fuckin organs need to close the gap asap bc this shit weird as hell

So after I called him out for being angry over a baby crying, he started to be calmer during the night and had more patience. He even changed a nappy during the night. But then of course even though he stayed awake, he just expected me to feed her whilst he went on his phone. Honestly think that the last time he fed her was either Friday or Saturday, and that was just one bottle. He’s been off work since Friday.

Then yesterday morning, the eldest came into the bedroom and started telling us about her dreams, but she said one of them she wanted to tell just me because it was a long one and he’d find it boring. And despite the fact that he’d been on his phone the whole time she was saying the first dream he was on his phone, but the minute she said she wanted to tell just me, he was all mega offended and outraged. How dare she only want to tell her mum something. How dare she want something private between us. It’s almost like she didn’t have six years of just me and her constantly and like she craves some time with her mum. Honestly, like if she asks for a movie night of just us he gets super offended about it despite the fact that he never enjoys doing it anyway. So I thought, no. I’m not going to tell her it’s rude to leave him out anymore. He didnt want to sit and chill with us in the garden because there’s ‘nothing to do’ and it’s ‘boring’ and he didn’t want her constantly telling him to watch her do stuff on the trampoline. He’d have rather sat inside on his ps4. So I thought nah I’m not choosing your feelings over hers. Of course as soon as I stuck up for her he was like ‘ahh of course here you go defending her again. I’m telling you how I feel but you’re just sticking up for her like you always did.’

Like duh, of course I am. She’s my kid and she’s done absolutely nothing wrong. So I told him that. Shit kicked off, he started telling me to get out the room blah blah. I told him I was done, I wanted him out and I’m done with the relationship. He refused to leave saying that he wasn’t going to be away from the baby during lockdown. He then started saying that he doesn’t care about the relationship anymore that’s why he’s not been bothered about cuddling or sex etc. Something he says every time. So I was like yeah whatever fuck you too. And left him to it.

So instead I went downstairs, did what needed to be done then asked the eldest if she wanted to do the puzzle she’d gotten for her birthday. It was a hard one so of course she got bored and gave up, saying she’d do it again when it looked easier. So I continued doing it as I was enjoying it. But of course how dare I do something that doesn’t involve the children? He told me that I never make an effort for the family and blah blah. Even though all he ever does is play on the PS4. He came downstairs and told me that he was going to take the baby for a walk. When he had sorted himself out he took her upstairs, changed her nappy and got her changed then took her for a walk. She was asleep when they got back so he left her to sleep on his chest upstairs. When she was awake he bought her right back down to me. The eldest was asking him if he would play the switch with him and he was like ‘maybe. We’ll see. Maybe later’ then it was like he suddenly remembered that we were fighting and he wanted to out parent me so he told her to load it up and he played a few games with her. The baby pooped, so for once he took her upstairs to change the nappy (he never does poos) and then that was it. That was his parenting done for the day. He went upstairs and loaded up his PS4. So I was once again left with the kids, like always. All day everyday. When I called him out for it he tried telling me I’d been doing a puzzle on my own all morning. Even though I’d had at least one kid with me except from when they were playing the switch. He then told me that the only time I make an effort and sound like a caring mother is when we’ve fallen out, and that I was messed up. I told him the only reason I’m snappy and moody is because I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him incase I say the wrong thing and it puts him in a mood, I feel like I constantly have to make sure the kids aren’t being too annoying so that he doesn’t get in a mood and take it out on the eldest because I know she absolutely adores him and hates being told off by him. So he said that I always blame everyone but myself. But the truth is whenever we fall out and he leaves for a week or so, I always end up being a calmer and more relaxed parent and I feel happier and lighter. And then of course he started gaslighting and trying to say that I was abusive and It’s disgusting.

Fast forward dinner time. The baby was crying as she was tired so I took her upstairs to him and said I needed to cook dinner so he could have her. After the eldest had had her dinner I ran her a bath. The minute she got in the bath he told me to take the baby because he’d ‘had her for like an hour’ and wanted to watch something. I was like I need to wash the eldests hair, but he just didn’t care at all. Then after the bath I had to feed the baby, put her down to bed then dry the eldests hair and get her to bed. I’ve decided I’m no longer relying on him to do fuck all because he’s just a waste of space and I don’t need him. I told the eldests to get a book and read whilst I fed the baby but he decided to encourage her to backchat me then made her get all hyper. He literally used an eight year old to piss me off and to try and make him look like the better parent, saying snarky comments like how fun is banned and I don’t allow fun even though it was literally the case that I had asked her to read because she hadn’t in ages and he had essentially overruled my parenting decision which he hates when I do. Literally just a massive hypocrite. He then told him he was going to stay with the baby whilst she fell asleep because all I do was sit on my phone, even though the best and quickest way she falls asleep is when I’m in the room but not looking at her or paying her attention.

We didn’t speak for a while until he came into the kitchen and said he didn’t like doing this and making snarky on each other parents etc. But I’m past giving a shit. We went to sleep without making up. And I’ve made myself up a routine to start making better habits with working out, yoga and meditation. Fuck him.

Dirty Boy 2

TV SHOW: GODLESS

COUPLE: WHITEY WINN X READER

RATING: SMUT!

Thursday:

I sat on my bed reading my little recipe book when I heard a knock at my door “who is it?” I ask “it’s uhh its me y/n” I heard whitey say So I got up and opened my door “what do you want pervert?” I ask “I said I was sorry y/n” he says but I ignored him “look y/n bill asked if you’d mind tidyin up the office for us? The desks are a mess the cells are filthy and the floor has half a pound of dirt on it” he explained “alright, I’ll be over in a minute” I tell him “thanks y/n” he smiles giving my cheek a kiss before he returns to the office so I grabbed some cleaning stuff and tied my little apron around me to be honest I wasn’t mad at whitey anymore I calmed down like two minutes after it happened but I left him for the whole day yesterday it is fun to tease him like this everyday he gets to get a little closer to his orgasm but not yet a while I hugged my skirt up a little more and left hopping across to the office and going inside it was just whitey sat in his little chair “Hello Y/n” he smiles “Hi” I smile starting to sort out Bills desk I knew whitey was watching me his eyes checking me out as I cleaned and sorted the desk out the best I could "Can Ya forgive me y/n? for what I did?" He asks "Maybe I shrug and he got up from his chair "Could I... Clean your dress? to make up for it?" he asks "I've already cleaned it whitey, it's on my line to dry" I tell him "it is? I haven't seen it" He says "I put a line on the inside for my undergarments and such like" I answer "Ohh, I understand. I still want to make it up to ya, Please somthin" he begged "you could... maybe me some cookies next week?" I ask "Well... I would Y/n but ya know what I'm like I'd burn my bloody house down" He laughs "True" I smile as I finished with bills desk and starting to sweet up the floor putting the cell keys in my pockets "Well anythin' I can do for you? anythin'" he says coming close to me "Anything?" I ask and he nods "Kiss me like you did yesterday- "I smirk leaning my back on bills desk "Ohh yes my darlin'" He smirks putting his hands either side of me and kissing me softly I melted into his lusty but sweet kisses till I pulled away "What is it?" He asks bitng his bottom lip as he stared at my lips "Kiss me like you did yesterday after I'm done cleaning up" I finish "Ohh but I... Alright" he sighs sitting back in his chair and getting his little book he read it a little but he mostly was just sat watching me as I sweeped and cleaned all the cells in the office changing the beding on the little cell beds and running a cloth over the bars I noticed as I rubbed this little cloth up and down each bar inside and out of the cell I felt whitey's eyes burning into me as he watched me cleaning I noticed his little book was on his desk and his hand in the pocket of his pants "whitey?" I ask "Yes Y/n?" he asks "Why when your watching me... do you always put your hand in your pocket?" I ask "Why do ya ask?" He asks "Curious" I smile "Curious? now who's the little pervert" He smirks "I just want to know?  you think putting your hand in those tight pants will make the pocket strech and not reveal to me how hard your bonner is" I smirk "I already know how big it is jojen, I have seen it before on sunday when you where watching me, I saw it before and I felt it yesterday" I smirk "I'm not doing it to hide it from you" he smiles "You know, there is no point hiding it from you" He says "then why do you put your hand in your pocket?" I ask moving out to sweep around his desk "Ya really wanna know?" He asks and I nod putting down my broom and starting to sort the paperwork on his desk and organizing everything for him "There's a hole in my pocket" he smirks leaning back on his chair "So?" I shrug moving to the other side of his desk the same side he was at I coule almost feel his breath against me fixing up his desk "Hummm come on y/n, your a clever little girl" he smirks standing and wrapping his arms around me tightly "think though the information I gave ya" he smirks kissing down my neck "Hummm..." I smirk thinking when he watches me he gets hard as a rock and puts his hand in his pocket the pocket with a hole ohhh... "You dirty boy!" I smirk tugging his hair hard "Owww... that hurts, not as bad as a slap but it hurts" He complains "You rather have a slap?" I ask "No, I would rather ya... do somethin' else to me?" He smirks "Seems like you do that to yourself a little to much" I smirk "Can ya blame me? when your so very mean to me baby" He smirks so I turned and pushed him on his chair "Umm what are ya gonna do to me? can I finialy finish that kiss?" He asks "No" I tell him as I sat on his lap "whoa! Hello darlin'" he smirks grabbing my hips "Ummmm ya feel so good sat over me baby, I get to feel your sexy arse against my cock... so come on baby what are ya goin' do to me?" he smirks "Clean up" I smile "I have to tidy" I giggle "do it later... come on that snog yesterday got me close, how about ya finish me today?" he begs kissing down my neck "No" I laugh as I kept tidiying up the desk sorting all his little draws and things on this side of the desk and I smiles slowly moving my arse "Uhhhhh... Yes! my darlin'" He groans "Umm your really goin' to do this to me? grind on me until I cum?" he smirks "why? problem?" I ask   "No, uhhhh ummmm... Please....Please more" he begs "You get what you are given whitey, else you get nothing" I laugh "I'll be good, Please just a little more" he begs "Well... alright, take them off" I tell him getting up to get a drink "What?" eh asks "Pants... off I'm sure you understand that whitey" I laugh "I do" He smirked blushing a little as he stood undoing his gun belts putting each on the table till it got to his pants and I pushed him back on his chair I turned away again looking to the window looking out at the ladies often wondering past the office "There, go on baby" he smirks I laughed picking up the back of my dress and sitting on his lap again I insatly felt his hard cock that was stood tall out of his pants settle between my arse cheeks the only thing stopping the skin on skin was my undergarments I could feel his hard cock so close to my pussy so much it made me a little wet just to feel it there so close to me my tiny cotton undergraments the only thing stopping him from pushing inside me and I know he wants too I can feel it and I can hear it "Uhhh! ohh god! Yes Please please ummmm... you feel so perfect, I want you to sit like this forever" he groans rolling his head against his chair his hands slipped up from my hips towards my breasts but I slapped hims ahnds away "Dirty boy" I smirk "Ohh I love being your dirty boy baby" he groans "If this is what I get for it" He smirks so I laughed getting the little book he keeps reading having a flick though of the pages slowly rocking my hips "Uhh! UHHH! UHHHHH!" he moans "Y/N! I- I" He stuttered "Shhh!" I tell him hitting his arm "Don't want the whole town knowing" I laugh "I'm sorry y/n, I just uhh! Please" he begs "What? what else do you bloody well want?" I ask "Please... Just- just let me inside" He begs kissing up my back and around my neck his hands gropeing any bit of skin  he could get one on my arse another on my waist "Please" He begs "No" I tell him rocking my hips a little more and a little faster "UHHHHHHH! OHH GOD! PLEASE PLEASE!" he screams "Why not? I'm basicly fuckin' ya!" he complains "Please... I wont be long just let me... slip in" he begged holding my hips and thrusting up I could feel his hard cock pushing on the cotton of my underdress if it wasnt there he would have been isnide me now "Not even all of me... just- just a little" he begs "just one inch please I'm begging you y/n" he begs "No whitey" I laugh "Please!" he screams "No" I laugh "Dirty dirty boy today" I laugh "could I atleast kiss ya?" he asks "No whitey, I'm comfy" I laugh getting faster and he was putty in my hands he was moaning and screaming rolling his head against his chair unable to control himself his hand on my waist groping my skin the other on my thigh trying to keep me still or make me go faster not sure which not sure he knew he was close I know it, I can feel the tenseness of his cock so ready for its orgaum it often twitches when I go backward on him humm clearly he likes that when the door suddenly opened! revealing Bill and maggie I quickly stood and whitey rushed doing up his pants "Bill, maggie I was uhh" Whitey began trying to think given he was completely out of his head "We know, we could hear ya" maggie laughs "Well, I have cleaned up enough" I laugh getting my basket "No No, y/n don't go" whitey says grabbing my hand "Too late" I laugh giving his cheek a kiss before I went off back home.

Friday:

I smiled watching the rain out the window of the La Belle bar watching the rain hit the mud the old bar man dropped off the bottle along with a glass of very watered down whiskey so he didnt have to bother walking back and forward to me in my little booth and keep chatting with the men at the bar most women where in there homes huddled in away from the rain cuddled up in the fire but I like being in the bar days like this I spotted the little bar doors open and close again as someone came in I noticed it was whitey he saw me and smirked coming and sitting beside me in my little booth he order a drink from the bar keep as he sat down "Hello y/n" he smirks"Hello Whitey" I smirk back going to have a drink but he took it out my hand and put it on the table "Excuse you?" I ask"Your not drinking today" he says "Aww sweet of you but this is my third so... that ship has sailed"  I laugh trying to take it but he moved it away form me more "No more, you'll get drunk" He says as the bar keep dropped off his drink and the bottle of the whiskey he was having clearly not watered down at all clearly by the colour mine was almost clear with a organge tint whitey's was a dark bright gold"So" I shrug "Would think you'd rather I be drunk?" i smirk"why would I rather ya be drunk?" he asks"I might be more... accomidating when I'm drunk?" I suggest "How watered down is this?" he asks glacing to my bottle"Very" I smile and he chuckles picking up my glass and downing it"Shit I think that is just water?" He laughs putting the glass down and sliding his over to me a much more serious colour then mine was so I picked up the glass and downed it it burnt but I kept still and composed putting the glass on the table "Ya more accomidating yet?" He asks "Nope Whitey" I smirk and he took the top off his bottle refilling both the glasses with it and sliding them to me putting the bottle back ont he table "are you trying to get me Drunk Mr Winn?" I laugh "Maybe" he shrugs"why?" I ask him"You said ya get more accomidating? I wanna see how accoidating I can get ya baby" he smirks"ohh how accomidating would you like me?" I ask sipping one glass intentioanly running my lips on the rim of the glass "Want me to get so accomidating I will get on my knees an suck your cock right here whitey?" I smirk"how much whiskey will that take?" he asks"You'll find out" i smirk putting my hand on his leg and he insantly looked flusttered "Alternatively you could make me drink the whole bottle and take me back to your place and have your way with me?" I suggest snuggling into his neck "That's always an option" I smirk"Be a waste of whiskey I could take ya home and have my way with you sober" He smirks "You think so?" I ask getting up and grabbing his hand "A gentlemen pays a ladies Bill" I smirk "and where is the lady goin'?" he asks"You'll see" i smirk grabbing his face and kissing him hard taking his breath away as I kissed him I pulled back leaving him wanting more and I ran out the bar into the rain within maybe a couple seconds he came running after me I ran though the mud and dirt out towards his little house I ran hiding around the corner close to where he keeps his horse he came around to his house and looked confused where I had gone I jumped almost tipping him over and kissing him as hard as in the bar he insantly kissed me back grabbing my waist hard pulling me so not an inch was between us "You going to let me in? or are we going to fuck out here in the rain?" I ask him"to- you mean you'll let me?" he asks and I nod "Ohh come here you sexy thing" He smirks kissing me and unlocking his door happily pushing me inside I smirked pulling him inside with me shutting and locking the door behind us we kept gently kissing as I got my little jacket off and he got his shoes and gun belts off  throwing them on his little dinning table his hand caressed my face between kisses I started tugging his jumper out from his tight pants "Okay okay I'm gettin' there slow down darlin'" he smirks between kisses "Pacients" he smirks"Like you yesterday?" I ask"Ohh... shut up y/n" he smirks kissing me tugging off his jumper and undoing his shirt and throwing them off somewhere else in his house the back of my thighs hit the wood of his bedframe so I pushed him away forcing him down on his bed he sat up on pushed up by his elbows looking at me as I tied up my hair and tugged on the little ties for my dress he smirked licking his lip at me his chest moving quickly with each of his lustful breaths "Take it off" he smirks "Please" he begs sounding very breathy so I smirked undoing the little ties and letting my outerdress drop he eyes looked over every inch of me stood only in my little cotton undergraments I undid my corset letting it drop too his eyes lingured on the tiny strapps keeping the whole thing up, on the curves of my body from years in my corset giving me the perfect curvasious figure, on the bottom hem of my underdress just above my knee this is more of my skin then he has ever seen any man has ever seen for that matter, his eyes seemed to stay for a while on ym chest near to bursting out the top of my cotton dress fixed where he ripped it the other day my nipples hard to the cold so they stuck out the cotton a little bit "Y-Y-your perfect" He told me taking my hand and dragging me to lay with him in his little bed hardly and inch between us I could feel his bare chest against my hard nipples and exposed skin on my breasts "Y/n?" He asks"Yeah?" i ask"Would it be okay...if we didnt go all the way tonight?" he asks "I thought you wanted to have your way with me?" I smirk kissing his bare skin causing his eyes to flutter shut "I do... Just not tonight, I'd disapoint ya" he says"why would you?" i ask a little confused"You've been teasing me since sunday y/n, I wouldn't be able to keep my compostiour long enough to pleasure you too" he says"Well...okay" i smile kissing him "You can sleep here with me? if ya like?" he suggests"No, I need to get back to my kitty cat" i smile going to get up "Whitey?" I ask"Yes my sexy girl?" he asks sitting up and kissing down my neck "I wanna do something" I smirk pushing him down flat on his bed and sitting on his thighs he smirked clearly enjoying me being laid over him in his bed "what? what do ya wanna do?" he asks"ask a few questions?" i smirk"Ohh? go on then" He sighs "ask away" He smirks"On sunday...when I was out doing my laundry? where you spying on me?" I ask"darlin' i would never spy on you, check our arse out though... I always do that" he smirks "Humm dirty boy" I smirk hitting his chest "On monday... was that the first time you touched a girl? in a intmate place?" I ask and he nods biting his lip "Umm dirty boy" I smirk hitting his chest harder"Ummm... baby? what are you up to?" he asks"On tuesday? did you want to fuck me?" i ask him"I did" he smirks "I would have fucked you right there in your garden if you'd let me" he smirks "Dirty boy" I smirk hitting him hard"Uhh! oww" He complains "On thursday... would you have fucked me?" I ask moving forward and grinding on him letting my dress sit normaly so it hung around my legs making the only fabric between us whitey's tight pants I kinda liked it feeling his growing erection starting to make it's self known and running the lips of my pussy around the budgle"I would have, if I had the streght to rip that fuckin' underdress off ya I would have been inside ya the second you told me to take my pants off" he groans"but now your baby want's your cock you wont let her have it?" i complain "Tomorrow if your so desperate" he smirks and I groan in annoyance "See I can be evil too baby" he smirks sitting up wrapping his arms around me tightly but I pushed him away sitting forward a little more so I felt his hard cock close to my entrence grinding on him like I was riding him I can tell he's getting desperate already so I smirked letting the straps of my underdress slipp down my arms a little putting my hands on the bottom of his stomach as I moved the rubbing on him starting to feel good I know he is likely going to have a little wet patch on his pants where I was grinding so hard every so often my clit catching making me groan "Uhhh Uhhh" i groan it's not really good enough to make me moan or scream but I wanted to piss him off "Uhhhh! Whitey!" I moan loudly throwing my head back as I move rocking myself a little faster running my hands though my hair and tugging my dress down a little almost exposing everything to him "Uhhhh! Uhhh! Whitey! Whitey... Uhh your so big" I scream "i want you inside me whitey" i beg"This isnt fair y/n" He complains "Who said i had to play fair" i smirk winking at him contieing with my little show exagerating every tiny bit of pleasure i got from grinding on hid cock "Ohhh whitey... come on, don't you want to spear your baby girl with your huge cock, let her ride on you till sunrise tomorrow, grope your babygirls tits and arse while she fucks you hard" I smirk "Come on whitey Please" I giggle "Uhh ohh fine!" He screams undoing his pants I felt his hard cock dripping with pre cum rub against my clit "If it's what my baby wants?" he smirks I sat up a little he stood his cock talllining it up with my pussy and I giggled pulling him closer and giving his lips a tiny kiss "See... I can be evil too whitey" I smirk getting up and slipping my dress back on "WHAT! NO NO NO!" He screamed doing his pants up trying to get up with a rageing ready to fuck erection as I grabbed my stuff and ran off home I know he was yelling for me but I ignored him.