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The Why Of CMCS Online

By Frank J Casella

It has been a while since I wrote to you about the story of CMCS. So, as an installment to that, I'd like to take a short but important moment to share the why, or reason, behind CMCS being online as a supplement to our annual live Men's Forum events. 

Because when we started out back in 2004, there was no plans or Internet to consider beyond the several events we did each year. However, once the digital world took off we saw the need to start our first blog in 2009 as a way to connect with men, and serve as a resource, between events. 

Fast forward to 2023, today people don't access blogs or website's as much as they prefer information served to them through social media and email list newsletters. In fact, the two avenues of CMCS online is the email list as a distribution, and then social media as reciprocity. 

In other words, similar to real life, communication is a two-way street when it comes to distributing information online, and reciprocity is the eternal principle at work in the digital world.

Most of you reading this subscribe by email to our distribution list, and are not following our social media channels. As with social media you might follow our posting content distributed on different platforms that you might be on, however with email you find in your inbox the information we send out distributed to whatever email provider you use. This is why it is said that email is the original social media. 

If you're keeping our blog posts together in a folder, then you have your own personal resource inside your inbox - especially if you can use your search tool with your email folders! For those of you who don't, you can bookmark the email archive, as well as check the latest blog posts on the email service community page (though it glitches). 

This way, you can follow blog posts as though you were subscribing to our social media channels. 

On social media we share not only our blog posts, but content from around the web for the purpose of outreach, dialog and discussion among Catholic men. And we post mostly on the efficient alternative channels for anyone who attaches great importance to data integrity and the protection of privacy. Also, tech platforms evolve rapidly, as they change owners or business models, so we keep all our content in a storage archive to be flexible in case transition is needed.

As long as we have your email address then you will be able to (be notified where to) follow us wherever CMCS is online.

Presently we blog on Tumblr and a Tumblr side blog for sharing content. Likewise, a page on MeWe for blog posts, and a MeWe group for sharing content. And we post our videos on Brighteon because again for their privacy and welcoming content policies.

If you like my weekly Catholic Manhood Nuggets videos, one thing I am doing personally is posting them on CloutHub, which is an alternative to LinkedIn and more. The direct link to my video channel is - clouthub.com/c/fjcvideo 

To bring this all full circle, the one place where you'll find what you might need is - cmcsmen.net - this is the point of entry for sharing CMCS with other men, that they in turn might discover what we all know as 'Living the Goodness of a Catholic Man'. 

However, as we increasingly interact with others through technology, it is also important to be mindful of our digital footprint and the consequences our online activities may have. For Catholics, it is vitally important to develop a personal theology of the Internet, as well as to understand the Internet as a place where technology can be used to evangelize and minister to people. It is also important to be mindful of the ways technology can be used to harm and divide people.

As we become more connected online, we are able to support one another in our faith, and learn more about the Catholic Church and its teachings. However, while online resources can be helpful, there is no substitute for the real presence of the Holy Eucharist, for example, and there is no substitute for the connections made together at our Men's Forum experience. 

Lamb

***This amazing artwork was gifted to me by @elmidol​​. Please do not re-use or re-post it without permission from them and/or myself. Don’t be a dickbag.

Summary:  In the beginning, there was only Vader, the Sky Walker. He wandered the heavens, filling the void with the cosmos. 

To combat his loneliness, Grandfather Sky Walker created two brothers, twins: one drawn to light and one drawn to dark.

Their bond created all life as we know it. 

C/N:  18+ only; mythology AU; implied genocide; physical violence; self harm; bloody bloody blood

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: Well, here I am again, and here we go again. Please take the content warnings seriously because I am not a nice girl; and herein, may lie not-nice-girl things.

This is my first foray into world building, and I welcome all feedback, critiques, and comments. :)

Special thanks to @kylorengarbagedump and @bexterbex for helping me develop this idea and get it ready for sharing.

***

In the beginning, there was only Vader, the Sky Walker. He wandered the heavens, filling the void with the cosmos. 

To combat his loneliness, Grandfather Sky Walker created two brothers, twins: one drawn to light and one drawn to dark.

Their bond created all life as we know it. 

You ran your fingers over the intricate gold leaf pattern on the book’s cover, remembering your lessons as a child. This Scripture, your grandmother’s most treasured possession, was the only part of your life you’d brought on this crusade. It was the only thing you couldn’t bear to abandon, even in the face of certain death.

You exhausted every avenue before taking on this last of your options. You demanded justice from the law only to be told you should keep your mouth shut. You went straight to the throne, but it shut to your caste, your people too low to deserve even an audience.

Selling every item of value, you had barely scraped up enough for the one-person craft, but it served its purpose.  You were here. You landed the shuttle on one of Chandrila's famed rolling hills, overlooking The Demarcation. You exhaled, shallow and nervous, and looked out over the horizon. The pilgrimage to this place, this day, was long and harrowing, but the sacrament itself would be quick.

Your fingers quaked as you shucked everything identifiable about yourself: blue pants your mother bought for your birthday; green shirt that belonged to your brother, found in the rubble of what was your family home; jade hair clip handed down from mother to daughter for generations. None of it would serve you now, and it would only be in the way. Trading the vestiges of civilization for religion, you donned your grandmother’s ample amethyst robe, lacing the silk ties that held it together, and grabbed up the athame she’d bequeathed to you at your initiation.

She enveloped you, your grandmother, and you buried your nose into her sacred garment to inhale the lingering scent. They were your world, lovely and loving, ground to dust beneath the machine of a war none of you pledged to fight. The Resistance descended upon your planet like a plague, and they left a great nothing, a slate wiped forcefully clean in their wake.

It was for them you made this trek, that you abandoned all logic and reason for faith. They raised you to share their doctrine, but it never served a single purpose for you in life.  Your grandmother and mother believed everything they’d ever taught you about the Twin Fathers. They wove the fabric of their lives, and yours, around it; and now, you clung to their prayers, your last hope in the face of something horrible and wholly dismissed by the universe.

There was no one to remember them, their faithfulness and devotion, but you.

Fathers, we pray. Bless this our food to the nourishment of our bodies that we may be strong in your service. Bless these our hands that we may share your great instruction with those in need. Bless our hearts that we may find the balance you have so righteously set for us.

Their prayers spilled over your dry lips, the only eulogy they would ever receive, and every holy word strengthened your resolve.

Clutching book and blade in one hand, you punched a series of numbers into the keypad nearest the bay door, extending the ramp. When it finished descending, you issued another command, the tiny keys lighting up with each pressed digit.

“Self-destruct sequence initiated.” The robotic voice vibrated the tiny craft’s walls. “Confirm.”

 “Confirmation,” you cast one last look around the shuttle that had been your home for a month, “Bravo Echo 2-4.”

“Countdown 2 minutes.”

Sunlight, warm and inviting, welcomed you as you stepped off the ramp. Squinting into its brilliance, you recalled the way your brother would read to you on lazy afternoons and how your family would picnic on similar grassy knolls. The beeping over your shoulder grew faster with each passing second, and you lifted the cumbersome dress around your knees, wasting no further time jogging down the hill. 

You were out on the flat land for just a second before the shuttle exploded into a fiery ball. You watched the blast shoot debris and columns of soot into the perfect sky. In another life, it would have scared you, shying you away from the destruction. Silent, stoic, you tracked plumes of grey smoke and the fall of ashes, comparing it to the devastation you found after the Resistance found your planet.

Days after the attack, you roamed fallen buildings and picked through still warm rubble. You had been too late, too far away. Knowing you could have done nothing to stop the strike was empty consolation. 

You could have died with them. You would rather have died with them. Now, all you could do was die for them.

On bare feet, you crossed the flowery field, taking in the array of purples and yellows. You lingered on the blue-green grass, feeling the soft stick of it underfoot, and you basked in the wispy clouds overhead. This was life, teeming with vibrant colors, but it all felt hollow, dampened. You wondered if everyone who came here felt this way, grateful that this beauty would be one of their last memories but unable to fully appreciate what they saw.

Pressing your lips into a determined line, you steeled your will and turned to The Demarcation, The Great Divide.

Grandfather Sky Walker tasked the twins with creating and maintaining The Balance. One would usher life; one would usher death; both harbingers of fate.

It was striking, a sudden upheaval of vitality in deference to darkness. Tendrils of fog mingled with melancholy dusk, and you spent a long moment admiring the space between one and the other.  This spot, this one impossible convergence, was balance. It was what every man strived to achieve, and no man could boast.

On the other side of the billowing veil, where you were coaching yourself to go, was The Ren’s territory. People far and wide spun countless tales about the land and its Master. It was a bottomless hole, they said, that would swallow you up steps past the boundary. It was an unending bog, and all who journeyed there were lost. All of its structures were built from the bones of the dead, and The Ren was the vicious king of an unforgiving wasteland.

Your grandmother, however, believed The Ren to be a merciful father, wise and misunderstood. He was the bringer of ends who did not differentiate between rich and poor. No creature was safe from his touch, and that made every creature equal in his eyes.

Whatever that land may be, whatever The Ren may be, there was nothing on the other side of that shroud that could compare to what you’d already endured. It was the way forward, your only way, and you bid yourself to go forth on deliberate steps.

Mirroring the track of your life, a balmy day gave way to a wintry gloom as you moved through the gauzy curtain, passing from one kingdom to another. The living world fell away, replaced by slender black trees that shot up to winking stars and stood adorned with wide, scarlet leaves. A ghostly breeze blew, shaking the leaves to delicately fall and blanket the spongy ground. You trod upon them carefully, uncertain what might lurk beneath the crimson carpet.

You took your time on the winding path, drinking in every otherworldly detail. Light pooled from a clandestine moon, and the very air shimmered under its grace. Midnight-colored blossoms dotted the road, mingling with swaying ferns. The stars shone so bright you could almost hear the twinkle, a delicate song tapped out to echo against the trees. Every inhale was laced with morning mist and rich earth.

The stories were wrong. This was no forlorn place. It was luminous, hallowed. Absent the touch of civilization, this land had bloomed unharmed, untainted. 

This world felt more real to you, more easily understood. Colored with variations of shadow, it was peaceful in its ashen palette.

Reaching the altar, you stared, both reverent and curious. How many had come before you to lay their lives down for The Ren? How many had died as a sacrifice? Surely, its ruddy color came from generations of blood spilled in offering.

It was a chalice to which you would soon be adding.

The stone was cold and damp, raising gooseflesh on your nearly naked form. It curved down in the very center, a macabre cradle for all those laid here. A blending of emotion and chill cast your skin in shades of flush and set every digit to trembling. It was as though the thing waited for you impatiently, its very existence demanding an offering.

Your skepticism at your grandmother’s faith dwindled when confronted with an exact duplicate of the altar upon which you’d taken your initiation rites. It was larger, but the ridges were the same. The slab of your childhood did not bear such a florid hue, but the sacrifices it received had been sugar, water, bread.

This shrine’s very construction felt haunted, a cauldron of souls made solid.

Hoisting yourself up onto the behemoth, you arranged your tools in the very center.  You set the athame at your right and spread the weighty purple velvet over the shrine, laying the fabric and yourself out as you would for a lover. 

Your lips trembled. Your knees knocked together. The cloak barely covered your body, and the little satin bows lent an air of innocence you could hardly claim as truth. You hoped, swallowed a handful of prayers, that The Ren accepted sacrifices as the stories told. Today, confronted with the reality of this place, you believed it more.

Tenderly, longingly, you ran your fingers over the tome once more. You lifted it and pressed a gentle kiss to its cover. It would lie beneath your head during this last of your chores and for however long your body would remain here. 

Closing your eyes, you conjured memories of your grandmother bearing witness to so many dead over the years and how you, filled with doubt and agony and hate, had failed to do the same for your family, your friends, your people. It had been too great of a thing, too much sorrow to compact into a single prayer.

The words came easily now, having been swirling and growing in your chest for weeks.

Into thy hands, Great Fathers, do we commend this soul, departed from the body, in payment for the souls still yet to come. We pray that you welcome her, keep her, and enter her into the great Balance so we may again feel the light of her love.

Swallowing your grief, you gripped the wicked blade tight. You had no more tears to cry. You brimmed with an awful energy, this ceaseless anguish bubbling up from your very marrow.

“Dark Father,” you brushed fabric away from your right leg and sliced a deep gash into the supple thigh before you could change your mind. “Hear my prayer.”

You hissed at the burn but smoothed your features into a stolid mask. You would do this for your family and people, who received no warning, no choice to convert or flee. You would make your entreaty to The Ren; or, you would die here and reunite with them. Whatever the outcome, this was your end.

“I commit my body to your hands. As your brother has given it to me, I give it now to you to use as you will. Grant me the grace of your ear that I may plead my case.”

Your breath stuttered, and you fought back the roaring in your ears so you could concentrate and carry on. Fixing your eyes upon the trickle of blood, you watched it turn to a pool and hurried to match it with another slash at your left forearm. Benumbed, you tracked the redness as it crested and spilled in every direction.

The callous cold seeped into your very bones, and you fell back against the altar with a gasp, fingers grasping for the book’s corner. You blinked, heavy lidded, as your face fell to one side, staring into the great forest beyond.

In your delirium, you thought you could see them, smiling and holding each other. Tears you thought you no longer had rushed forth, and you shook. Weakness or acceptance broke open the gate on your heartbreak, releasing a torrent of sobs and screams. There was no one to hear, to care, to chastise you for its futility.

You heard her voice, your grandmother’s tone the same that had been soothing your fears since you could remember, rubbing over you like a comforting balm.

More than yesterday, beloved. Less than tomorrow. Find me in the Balance.

“Nona, I’m coming.” 

Your fit rode your wounds and bled away to faint sniffles and glassy eyes. You stared up at what you felt had to be an eternally night sky and pushed your fingers through the growing sticky puddles. 

This was death, and you welcomed it. You would slip away into a dreamless sleep here in such a place as you never knew existed. Fatigued, breathing slow, your face fell to one side, eyes unfocused but still dancing from beauteous flower to leaf to timber.

He was a charcoal smudge, nothing more. His movement was so subtle your addled brain took him for a tree, black clad and too tall to be a man. He stepped through the maze, and what little tenacity you had left drained away.

He came to sit upon the side of the altar where you lay dying, tilting his head to look at you. You stared, bewildered and confronted with the most beautiful man you’d ever seen when you had been expecting The Ren, the great storied monster. He passed his hand over your face, and the sting of your wounds abated. The heaviness of your limbs lessened, and the burden of your body eased.

Feeling and consciousness and awareness flooded back into your senses, and you bolted upright. Understanding dawned, and you gaped at him, struck dumb by every mesmerizing feature. Ebony tresses crowned him brilliantly, and he looked back at you with deep, glittering eyes. His fair skin was sprinkled with twilight constellations, and his lips were full, lush, slightly pink.

This was The Ren.

Troubled by the absence of death, you surveyed your situation, shaking both tense hands into fists. The ritual robe clung to the altar more than it did to you, swirling lurid with your blood. Blood that still flowed, you realized. Wide-eyed and amazed, you studied this unnatural phenomenon. The wounds at your thigh and wrist still wept; they should have killed you, but there was now a sanguine loop wrapping each injury around to feed into itself.

“Why have you called me here?” His voice was gravelly, as though he hadn’t used it in millennia.

“Am I dead?” It was a staggeringly stupid question, but it was the only clear thought in your head as you stared at the vermilion ouroboros around your wrist.

“If you intend to answer every question with a question,” his enormous hand shot out to capture the flesh just above your forearm laceration, “you will be soon.”

He squeezed the wounded limb until you shrieked and tried to tug away. Deciding that he would not let you go until you appeased him, you licked dry lips and worked your mouth into a measure of moisture.

“Why did you come?” Your query shocked even you, and you snapped your mouth shut hard enough to hear the clap of your jaws.

True to his word, The Ren’s hand connected with your throat so fast you couldn’t say for sure he’d moved. In one moment, idiotic inquiries filled your muddled mind; and in the next, you were choking at the end of his arm.

“Your howling,” his fingers tightened at your throat, thumb rubbing into the pulse almost delicately. “The next question will be your last. Why are you here?”

Licking your suddenly too-dry lips, you studied him, wrapping both of your small hands around his wrist. This man, this deity, was walking death, and that he sat here with his hands upon you changed the very foundation of everything you believed to be true.

“I-I came to ask your favor, Dark Father.” 

He shoved you away and stood from his perch. Death’s gravity pulled you down again, and you whimpered, reaching for him as though it would prolong the inevitable. Your mouth worked on a plea, but none came.

“You’ve wasted your time. And mine.” He turned away and spat the rest over his shoulder. “Sparing virgins their lives or the lives of their lovers lost its allure long ago.”

Glancing back, he must have seen something, perhaps the abject apology in your face and on your outstretched fingers, because he snatched you from oblivion in a blink. You broke into wretched sobs, each lung-full of air quaking and painful. 

“I came here so you’d come for me.” You dug bloodstained fingertips into your eyes to staunch the tears. “And to ask for your help.”

He was ethereal, his presence just a step out of sync with the rest of the universe, and it was difficult to look upon. You turned your face to one side and tried to compose yourself. You were battling the significance of your loss against the staggering truth that The Ren was real and here.

“You come to ask favors but cannot even look upon the beast?” He closed the gap in a blur, and you shrieked, leaning away. “How do you plan to beg if you will not even open your eyes?”

Crowding in aggressively, he leaned over and braced himself with both sturdy hands on either side of your head, an effective cage. His gaze traced over every curve of your face, and you couldn’t move under the oppression of his scrutiny.

“You think you will make demands of me?” His voice changed, dropping to a malicious whisper as he brushed a lock of hair from your forehead, tracing it to its origin in your hairline.

He would eat you; you were sure of it. Razor-sharp teeth hid just behind those beautiful lips, and he would tear you to pieces. Bolstering yourself, you drew in a shuddering breath and looked up into the galaxy-filled eyes. You had to say the words. You had to tell him what brought you here, but you weren’t sure you could do it.

“The dying lamb has no value to the shepherd.” His suddenly gentle tone belied his impatience and interminable power. “Tell me why you are here; or, I will leave you to die.”

You stared at him for what felt like an eternity, losing yourself in his resplendent gaze. It was like staring straight into the sun, and every part of you felt branded by him. 

Your reasons for coming here meant little to him, you were certain. You pictured your family again and the horror inflicted on them.

The tension in your body loosened as purpose flowed through your veins once more. Your trembling lips blew out a steadying breath, which seemed to please him. He traced your lower lip with the very end of his thumb, waiting for you to speak.

“Retribution.”

Yehn’li Khete (LFRP)

basics ––––

REAL NAME: Yalvus Lux Ilvanus, Suffragium Tertius Architectus Magiteci ALIAS: Yehn’li Khete. Mostly goes by just Yehn. Yehn’li or Mr. Khete is also accessible. AGE: Early 30s, looks deceptively a bit younger RACE: Keeper Miqo’te GENDER: Male, He/Them SEXUALITY: Pansexual MARITAL STATUS: Single  SERVER: Balmung/Mateus

physical appearance ––––

HAIR: A light reddish-brown. Almost strawberry blond. His hair extends past their shoulders and some chunks are longer than others since he mostly just cuts it himself. EYES: His right eye is black with a permanently dilated pupil from an injury in an explosion. His left eye is a bright green-blue. HEIGHT: 5′6″ BUILD: Small frame, lanky with more of a lean cut to him. He isn’t weak though as he’s dedicated the last five years or so of his life to metal working and crafting, so he’s got quite a bit of lean muscle. More of a runner’s body than a warrior’s though. DISTINGUISHING MARKS: His left leg is a magitek prosthetic. He has a small scar on his cheek from the same accident. His foot tends to be dirty with soot or just...dirt from walking around barefoot. There is a Garlean brand-like tattoo on his back over his right shoulder blade. It appears to have been cut with a knife to try and remove most of it so there’s a lot of scar tissue there. COMMON ACCESSORIES: Goggles on his head. A few tools laid out in what could look like a surgeon’s pack...even though he’s an engineer. 

personal –––-

PROFESSION: Former scientist for Garlemald. From a conscript family, he took on a Garlean name as he gained more respect in the medical field. He worked mostly on neurological-based technology. He still has a list of every test subject and what he had done to them. Many of his experiments were just for fun. He is now...retired. Away from Garlemald as he was in it for himself, not the Empire as a whole and didn’t care for their plans in the long run. He now is a tinkerer of random things, takes on odd jobs, fixes magitek prosthetics, and is “totally clean” of the criminal life...sometimes.  HOBBIES: Crafting and gathering junk to sell. Explosives. LANGUAGES: Common. I am unaware if Garlemald has its own language but he’d know that if it does. Bits and pieces of Hingan from hiding out in Kugane. RESIDENCE: He has two shops--one in Limsa and one in Kugane. The Kugane  one is safer due to the rules around weapons so he’s most likely there. FEARS: Being sent back to Garlemald, the Empire killing him, the alliance arresting and/or killing him, nutkins

relationships –––-

SPOUSE: None. CHILDREN: None. PARENTS: Birth parents are (probably) alive, but not of consequence SIBLINGS: None. OTHERS: None.

traits –––-

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganized / organized / in between

close minded /open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / unemphatic / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / un-cultured / in between

loyal / disloyal / in between

faithful / unfaithful / in between

additional information –––-

SMOKING HABIT:

never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

DRUGS:

never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

ALCOHOL:

never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

RP HOOKS –––-

THE MOTHERLAND: Garleans and ex-pats may have heard of him. Whether you need an ally in an unfamiliar land (though one that may drive you a bit mad) or are chasing down a deserter, there’s plenty of routes to choose from.

WANTED: Got an itching for justice against a known criminal? Could be an open route there though I’d have to discuss for pre-established knowledge since god modding and all that cool stuff. But definitely bring it up if you’re interested in that. 

MAGITEK: In need of a magitek prosthetic tune up? Some illegal weaponry? He’s your guy. Though a lot of his product is unstable since a lot of is made from blackmarket parts and some of the Ceruleum is refined by himself...but that’s irrelevant! You’ll get a good bargain! 

I’M CLEAN NOW...UNLESS?: Yehn will swear up the ass that he’s not part of that criminal life anymore. Though who is he kidding? The man is addicted to chaos, murder and explosions and it’s not that difficult to get him to tip his hand. He still has his hands in a lot of pies and may prove to be a good criminal contact. Or enemy.

TO THE SKIES OF DRAVANIA: My main RP is focused around Sky Pirates and Yehn becoming an airship engineer. If you are also a sky pirate, that may be a useful avenue for adventure. Or at least fixing your engine... You may find him around Ishgard and Dravania as well.

Extended Background Details––––

I probably forgot something but Yehn is an ex-scientist based around studying the body and has a laundry list of lives he has taken. He left the empire to seek a life of his own since the Empire didn’t line up with what he wanted and he felt stifled by the professional environment he was in. It’s been around five years since he left and in that time he has gotten into some trouble here and there but keeps trying to quit his ways, though he really does love his work around the body and taking things apart. He focuses most of that energy into making random things to sell, and has used his knowledge around magitek and science to go more towards an engineering route and live the good-guy life, but self sabotage is a thing. He also kinda loves explosives and did blow his own leg off... Though he’ll lament about how he lost it in the war. The story changes every time. He’s pretty guarded about who and what he is and comes off as lazy and bemused.

In any case, this is a fairly dark character overall and this is kind of a warning to explain that. My OOC values and views don’t align with my character’s and he’s still very much a work in progress alongside my partner’s character. 

what I’m looking for ––––

Anything really, though this is more of a profile post than actually LOOKING for new RP since I am busy IRL. I’d like to delve in to some plot based rp a bit more, make some connections, friends, enemies, contacts. I’m open to head canons and plotting, but I am not open for RP at the moment unless you can handle slow discord replies because of working from home with the pandemic. But I try... I don’t really RP in game though. I stick to discord because I really don’t have the time to sit in game and RP anymore.

oocly, I am ––––

A nerd who Rps? Mostly darker RP that gets in on mature themes, etc.

I have a 9-5 job, pacific time (currently working from) and I run and exercise regularly and that takes priority for me. Replies from me won’t be instant.

I am a multi-paragraph RPer. I will usually match who I am RPing with, but I DO type a lot. You have been warned!! I don’t do one-line RP. If that is your style and you are annoyed by multiple paragraphs, I may not be the right partner for you.  

I do a lot of darker RP with a lot of questionable themes. I am not the person to go to for tavern RP and constant casual RP. While Yehn can be social, I’m not really looking for happy go lucky small talk, if that makes sense. It doesn’t really fit the character. 

My rules for RP are still being made, but you can call me Rae. Pronouns are He/They. 

you can contact me via ––

Tumblr DM. Discord upon request. Contacting me in game is not a good idea probably since I’m either afk or offline a lot.

@crystalxivrp @balmungrp @mooglemeet @ffxiv-crystal-rp​

Type and Language 1 - Choosing a quote, planning my project, brainstorming.

Selecting a quote for this briefing was something I tried to get done very quickly so that I could begin making work fast. At first I thought of doing the following quote by Bill Hicks:

“The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.”

It’s very long, but I think it’s a very beautiful and well meaning piece of spoken word. Bill Hicks was a comedian-philosopher, and he was a very influential person in the formative years of my life from about 10 years old onwards. Definitely too young to be listening to Bill Hicks, but hey - his words really stuck with me and I think this quote is a very important one in my life.

I thought I could do something funny like this quote from Come Dine With Me: 

Dear Lord, what a sad little life, Jane. You ruined my night, completely, so you could have the money, but I hope now you spend it on getting some lessons in grace and decorum because you have all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tyres on.

But ultimately, I didn’t have faith that I would really be able to get excited about it!

I finally settled for this quote by Robert Sapolsky, a human behavioural biologist:

I am not worried if scientists go and explain everything. This is for a very simple reason: an impala sprinting across the Savannah can be reduced to biomechanics, and Bach can be reduced to counterpoint, yet that does not decrease one iota our ability to shiver as we experience impalas leaping or Bach thundering. We can only gain and grow with each discovery that there is structure underlying the most accessible levels of things that fill us with awe. But there is an even stronger reason why I am not afraid that scientists will inadvertently go and explain everything--it will never happen. While in certain realms, it may prove to be the case that science can explain anything, it will never explain everything. As should be obvious after all these pages, as part of the scientific process, for every question answered, a dozen newer ones are generated. And they are usually far more puzzling, more challenging than than the prior problems. This was stated wonderfully in a quote by a geneticist named Haldane earlier in the century: "Life is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine." We will never have our flames extinguished by knowledge. The purpose of science is not to cure us of our sense of mystery and wonder, but to constantly reinvent and reinvigorate it.

It’s very long, so I chose from it the most effecting and important sentences, and I was left with the following.

I am not worried if scientists go and explain everything. It will never happen. It will never explain everything. As part of the scientific process, for every question answered, a dozen newer ones are generated. And they are usually far more puzzling, more challenging than than the prior problems. Life is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than we can imagine. We will never have our flames extinguished by knowledge. The purpose of science is not to cure us of our sense of mystery and wonder, but to constantly reinvent and reinvigorate it.

Robert Sapolsky lectures on human behaviour, taking information from many different scientific avenues, including biology, endocrinology, sociology, criminology, neuroscience, etc, to build a massive and complex picture of why it is humans behave the way we do, looking at our behaviour through multiple lenses and disciplines, and combining them in order to answer some of the biggest philosophical questions, including questions about free will, about love, about hatred and forgiveness and family. 

He is one of the biggest influences on my outlook towards life and my trauma and mental health recovery, because not only are his teachings grounded in extremely interesting research and knowledge, but they are able to explain and open up discussions some of the most confusing and difficult parts of the human experience. Sex, love, violence, free will, tribalism, trauma, fear - Sapolsky tackles all of these terrifying and wonderful parts of our lives with such grace and poise and intelligence - his lectures have coloured my world with a newfound respect for myself and those around me. 

He delivers this quote or similar at the end of one of his books and in his lecture series, to help clear up some of the biggest fears that people have of scientific knowledge, and it is a sentiment that I hold very dear to my heart. We should not fear advancement and knowledge. It can only enrich our lives, and a better understanding of myself as not just another person in society, but my very own series of complex and intricate biological mechanisms, has completely enriched my life.

I began by experimenting with very basic black and white type designs on Procreate on my iPad. I tend to jump straight into making before I do research, or much thinking at all, because it is often the case that I can come up with some very raw, messy, and interesting visual ideas. The first few attempts I have at a task like this can really inform where my project will go, what I would like to work on over the duration of the project, and what techniques will or won’t help me. 

I often start projects in black and white because it is a very basic and simple building block foundation for the shapes in the work, and makes it so that more complex parts of a visual identity can be added later, giving me more time to think about colours and textures before going ahead with them.

I had fun warping text like this - it makes the writing mysterious and mostly illegible. It did not yet communicate effectively, however, and I had a talk with Sarah to better discuss where to go with this project.

Sarah told me to really think about WHO said the text, and WHY. To ask questions about WHAT I am trying to convey. How will I bring the message of the words to life? How can I use type to emphasise and better explain the language being spoken? How can I use typography as not just a fun image, but a visual tool to really hammer home the intent behind the words being spoken?

Sarah advised me to sketch out “how to quote acts”, how it moves and it feels. Also to question, how do I want people to react to this type?

With this higher level of specificity, I was able to think much more clearly about the task at hand. My plan now was to take certain important words from my quote, and do visual research surrounding them. To really give this project a microscopic view to begin with, I am going to focus on smaller fractions of the text, to begin to build up a catalogue of how those words really feel, act, and speak to a reader. I need to bring into question, how can I communicate better using type? How can I make somebody listen with my typography? How can I use my skillset as a designer to translate information into something visually consumable and interesting to look at? 

Once I’ve done visual research and sketches focusing on the very zoomed in parts of this quote, I am going to try to visualise those in context of Sapolsky’s life and teachings. He started off his practice as a field scientist, living amongst primates, and studying their movements. He went on to combine this knowledge with laboratory work, studying hormones and neurodevelopment in rats and analysing other studies. He now, on top of all of this, lectures at Stanford, and has written multiple books on the subject of human and animal behaviour, for the casual reader and scientist alike.

How can I represent Sapolsky’s life with design? Can I start off the quote as rough and messy and dusty and animalistic, representing the time he spent amongst apes in the jungle - then developing it into something very neat, tidy and clinical like his lab studies are? Can I make 2 different designs to represent these, then overlay them? Use colours to represent the two different stages of his practice? Can I make this into a screenprint? A series of 2 or 3 posters? 

Or could I make a typographic mural to go on the wall at Stanford or another institute of science? A series of posters? A small book or leaflet? An animation? Who am I aiming it at? Over the next few days I am going to collate visual research and express it as a series of typographic works.

7-11 August - Under the first quarter moon & the last in decade meeting of Sun in Leo & Jupiter in Sagittarius, we begin to grow the seeds planted by the New Moon in Leo. Energy, confidence, vitality rise as we are given a strong guidance & a sense of support as Jupiter turns direct from 11 August💫

7-11 August #Astrology #Horoscope

Under the first quarter moon & the last in decade meeting of Sun in Leo & Jupiter in Sagittarius, we begin to grow the seeds planted by the New Moon in Leo. Energy, confidence, vitality rise as we are given a strong guidance to start new - with a sense of support that’s about to be given to us mentally, physically & materially as Jupiter turns direct from 11 August.

It’s a revolutionary rise & it’s only the start. First gift is illumination from within - the knowing of what we truly want to pursue notwithstanding the hindrances, resistance, doubts, chaos we face cause Leo is fixed fire that burns through any obstacle through sheer will & desire of the heart.

It’s soul’s growth enlightenment - where our next growth chapter is, how we want our ambition to unfold, what steps we need to take, what doors we need to knock & more importantly what’s our unique journey of which we are the leader - what’s our masterpiece - what do we wish to perfect & deliver - what makes our heart break all barriers all glass ceilings - what’s the true hearts desire. It’s the time we come out of darkness as Guru - Jupiter illuminates our path.

We straddle the wall of catabolic action & creative intensity for there is an urgency to deliver our life’s best work. These 3-4 days of good cheer ease us into clarity as Jupiter touches our mind, body & heart illuminating us from within.

Travel, study, read, write, interact with people different from you, find your mentor, a guru, seek support for your ambition, influence boldly, expand your outlook & mind in best possible way - do all you can do to activate Jupiter’s energy in your life - the Guru - the teacher, the end of darkness & the beginning of doors opening.

Review Leo New Moon themes for your rising/sun/moon sign as that’s where our first doors open - where we have opportunity right now to breakthrough. [Link to video for each sign](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLv3tUTLu8-MT9MHp0tw6kgV1dB0Cq65MF)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

♌️ #Leo

Your self identity, how do you want to show up in the world, your external identity, your body, who you are when it comes to your physical reality - your personality. Jupiter meeting Sun in your sign illuminates your “I am” - the awakening of who you are, faith in your unique gifts, your unique self expression, your unique personality - enabling you to take a chance on you. It’s a rebirth of your self identity, your physical body, of the very frame of your life as you look at yourself, your own identity in a different way. Life’s too short to not be all you can be unapologetically - A Lion can’t live happily in skin of a sheep, that fact is made clear to you. Jupiter expands your ambition, self love & confidence giving you impetus to be all you can be, to deliver your God given gifts without hesitation. Release your internal resistance, your own doubts & need for security as your foundations, your family, your home, your sense of security needs to shift in line with your new identity.

♋️ #Cancer

Self worth, networth, material resources, values. Jupiter illuminates from within helping you understand your value & true worth of your talents so you can claim your rightful share of material resources. The shift in perspective makes all the difference in how you go about creating material value from your talents & you ask for more as you deserve more. Gates of abundance open with this illumination - take the first step - invest, Ask for a raise, start a new source of income, start working on a skill set that you know will generate more material resources for you, start investing in you - your body, your talents more than ever before. Faith in your skills, confidence is who you are is boosted as we move boldly towards more abundance inside out.

♊️ #Gemini

Communication & commercial skills, sales, marketing or communication project, short travels. Jupiter illuminates your mind, your words - infusing faith, positivity, impact in your speech - internal & external. It’s time to open yourself up to more people, to learn from them, to interact with them, open the flood gates of words & new knowledge . Socialise be out & about, share your ideas, negotiate, sell, write, take short trips - get your messaging out & get an expansive messaging out. Positive messages are received & given under this influence as your courage & belief in your own skills is boosted. Immediate environment at home & work becomes pleasant & easier to navigate through.

♉️ #Taurus

Home, family, inner world, support system. Jupiter illuminates your foundations, reinforcing replenishing sense of security, refueling you from within through a positive new phase in home, family, emotional wellbeing. Taking a few steps to make things more positive with family, enhancing value of real estate or buying new one or relocation can turn into a very expansive & positive experience. Entertain at home, spend time with family, friends, parent, start a new phase in parenting - see your inner life grow to support you more than ever.

♈️ #Aries

Joy, creativity, passions, love, romance, children, Creative pursuits & business risk. Jupiter illuminates your passions prompting you to take more risk in your personal & professional life. Starting new creative venture, new chapter in life of your child, taking more investment risk, going for a passionate romance, enjoying yourself like a child - all of this are supported & encouraged as you see tide of positive karma & luck turning towards around for you. It’s time to have a little bit of fun 💕

♓️ #Pisces

Work environment & health routines. Jupiter illuminates your house of work, opening new expansive opportunities of work through new projects or new job offer or new team - you feel supported in this work environment as you look to work on projects that you could be proud of & possibly lead in. You are an independent self driven worker who likes to do unique projects & bring creativity in daily life - you shift your work environment to be in line with your desires. Ask what you need at work & initiate concrete bold steps in that direction. Health shifts initiated now can be very beneficial.

♒️ #Aquarius

Commitment , contract - personal or professional. Jupiter opens the gates to a new contract, client or committed partnership or a new phase in your existing commitment. The new partnership can be exciting, Creative, bold & visible taking you to places your heart desires to go professionally & personally. This is a critical moment - sharing your life & ideas with others especially in one on one partnerships, putting yourself out there both in professional & personal partnerships boldly, negotiating, presenting to clients, initiating a new Creative contract, handling your critics in a bold way - are all supported under this aspect.

♑️ #Capricorn

Proceeds of partnership, healing, Phoenix moment. Jupiter illuminates your transformation, it supports you coming out of a phase of imbalance to one of boldly asking for what you need in joint relationships/ partnerships both personal & financial. Detoxing your life, body, mind to move to a more positive, expansive & healed place is supported under this aspect. Being out in the sun with your loved ones, with children, doing what you love, creatively expressing yourself helps heal you, especially if past few months have felt hard on health. Aspect supports having a constructive discussion & steps to manage imbalance in partnerships where the proceeds of the relationship in intimacy & finances, don’t match your efforts. This is a phase of healing & return to power, vitality & vigor. Detox.

♐️ #Sagittarius

Adventure, travel, education, publication, legalisation, leap of faith. All the things you love & are - your ruler Jupiter illuminates & supports. It wants your faith to be embolden for you to take the leap you have been waiting to take. Aspect supports travel for a purpose, expanding your mind through higher education/ on job training / interaction with foreign people or people of different walks of life / publication of substantial impact / teaching / finding a mentor / finding a new purpose, new meaning to life. As life opens up in dramatic & surprising ways, this aspect gives the requisite jumping ground to allow you to leave any hesitation in proceeding forward onto a more adventurous journey. Leaps & bounds ahead!

♏️ #Scorpio

Career, public image, authority. Jupiter illuminates your life path, the knowing as to what you want to be in the world & the tools to achieve it. First step is knowing in no uncertain terms what you are aiming for & with support of Jupiter this month new avenues open which are in line with who you are as a leader, as a professional, as a creative person who likes to give it all with all their heart to what they do. Lead & not follow, be in the light, ask for what you need in your career, take a bold career move, discuss your promotion, your next step with the authorities or better go in independent as much as you can leading your own charge. Light is on you & in your mind & heart you know impending shifts are here finally.

♎️ #Libra

Friends, social network, vision of big wealth. Jupiter illuminates what’s your Long term vision in life & who is going on that journey with you as you start a new phase in your social network, social status, presence in business network. Initiating bold steps to launch something at wider scale, breaking through a business network of influence, breaking through a friendship, forming new circle of people with common goals who support you in this journey or your own fan base, feeling inspired with a new dream or idea which helps you create your legacy / big wealthier all supported here. We could make some very fruitful, fulfilling friends & business contacts here so put yourself out there, socialise, network & feel the inspiration rife in the air.

♍️ #Virgo

Regeneration, Long distance travel, behind the scenes activity. Jupiter illuminates your karmic release house which moves you out of old situation & propels you into the light in your season. But for now it’s better to keep matters wrap under covers as you perfect what you are proudly working on behind the scenes. Healing, regeneration, faith, service to others,charity & taking a private moment through Long distance travel or just being away from the busy energy - helps you achieve what you want ahead of your brand new start end of August.

[ LFRP ] Ane - ( Balmung, Crystal DC )

❝ there is a muchness about you. I wonder... what I must do to have such muchness in myself..? ❞

🔓-- A lock icon denotes the presence of an additional something significant to be discovered only via roleplay. The more locks there are, the harder it will be to learn! Build a relationship with her to discover these secrets she keeps to herself. 

This LFRP post is specifically for her geomancer verse. Check over here for access to the LFRP post for her canon verse. I can play both/either on Balmung/Crystal as necessary!

❀ General Information ––– -

Name: “Ane.” 🔓 🔓 🔓 Epithet: Of the Weeping Waters. Gender: Cisgender female. Age: 28. Race: Au Ra (Raen.) Birthplace: Yama, Othard. 🔓 Current Residence: The Itomori Shrine, Doma. Relationship Status: Single. Sexual Orientation: Demisexual. Occupation: Yaman geomancer.

❀ Physical Appearance ––– -

Hair: Incredibly long. Straightened with a hot metal comb. Typically worn loose with some hair elegantly looped and bound just above her shoulders, framing her face. Seldom changes style. Looks to be all warm black. 🔓🔓 Eyes: Warm grey. Clouded by cataracts. Somber. Height: 4 fm 8 im. Distinguishing Marks: Rounded, soft scales reminiscent of a koi’s. Geomantic circles tattoo’d on her palms, the bottoms of her feet, and upper back. 🔓 🔓 🔓 Common Accessories: Ornately patterned silver bands in the front two strands of her hair. Brass bangles around her wrists and ankles decorated with suzu bells that remain curiously silent even when shaken. 🔓 

❀ Personality & Tidbits ––– -

A solemn young geomancer hailing from the seaside village of Yama. Her sad and serious air lend her presence a degree of mystery, and her lifelong practice of tempering her emotions makes it harder still to know how she actually feels. Having dedicated all her years to her people’s form of geomancy, Ane thinks herself ill-suited for anything else, and so her entire sense of identity has become tangled up in the magicks that she wields. She believes that she exists for the sole purpose of using geomancy to help the people around her, leading the young woman to quickly throw herself headlong into danger without a moment’s hesitation so long as it is for the sake of someone else. 

Talents: Yaman geomancy. Weaknesses: Physical/close quarters combat. Unable to use offensive magicks entirely. Kindness directed at her. Virtues: Dutiful. Genuine. Tender-hearted. Gentle. Curious. Thoughtful. Meticulous. Flaws: Naive. Perfectionist. Reckless. Overextending. Emotionally clumsy. Silently self-destructive. Has difficulty detecting sarcasm and understanding certain idioms and forms of humor. Spiritual Views: Reverence for the Dawn Father. Respect and recognition for the kami. Hobbies: Cooking, though really only skilled in Far Eastern cuisines. Ikebana. Tending to the shrine’s grounds. Fears: Isolation. Being forgotten. Dying before she can train new geomancers. Temperament: Melancholic. Alignment: Neutral Good.

❀ Yaman Geomancy ––– - 🔓/🔓🔓

I thought this topic could use its own brief section as her clan’s form of geomancy is not the same as the geomancy seen widespread in the Far East, as well as having some very specific elements tailored to her personal use of it. Those characters who are well-learned geomancers have the potential to recognize her as specifically from Yama so long as we discuss it ahead of time, and those who are familiar with geomancy or nature-based magicks may be able to reason out what she uses but not where she is from -- or why her geomancy differs from the more common forms. As with everything, I am happy and willing to discuss IC arcane knowledge, but do please run it by me ahead of time. Her clan was very secretive concerning its branch of geomancy, and while not at all closed to visits from the outside world, this art is absolutely not common knowledge! Please take this information as OOC reference for how this magic works rather than IC knowledge! Thank you!

Magic Family: Geomancy. Tools: Sacred paper talismans. Arcane ink carried in blessed brass pots. Brushes. A single heavy, enchanted bell inspired by bianzhong. Rounded stones of various sizes and weights. Strengths: Magic cancelling through elemental balancing. Barriers. Weaknesses: No way to counter physical weapons or unarmed physical strikes. Lengthy barrier preparation. Entirely a supportive and defensive art. General Overview: An ancient branch of geomancy thought dead by many. Rather than drawing only from the elements of wind, water, and earth, Yaman geomancy draws also from fire. It has never been intended as an offensive art and cannot be conjured as a weapon in battle. Instead, it revolves entirely around elemental balancing -- aether of one element is met with an equal force and amount of its opposing element, effectively cancelling out harmful magicks entirely. A delicate art with a lot of room for error, it requires years upon years of practice to master as it requires a great deal of concentration; those sensitive to aether may display a natural gift for it, as they can more easily sense how much oomph to give a particular counterspell. Failing to meet an elemental force with a sufficient counterforce can result in the spell connecting without real issue (too little) or wounding the geomancer in the process with an unstable aetheric burst (too much.) Though, like its Doman and Hingan counterparts, Yaman geomancy still relies heavily on comparable channeling methods -- that is, the combined use of an enchanted bell and glyphs to summon a specific element or combination of elements. It is more reliant on physical totems, though, and so Yaman geomancers would carry paper talismans upon which to write what they required in combat. Ane’s Geomancy: Where hers differs is how she channels it, but I prefer to keep the specific details for roleplay discovery! 🔓🔓

❀ Traits ––– -

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious / Spirited

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

❀ Additional information ––– –

Smoking Habit: Never. Drugs: No. Alcohol: Very rarely. Surprisingly good at holding her liquor.

❀ Hooks ––– -

Region-specific connections. Asterisks (*) for options open only through discussion with me beforehand.

❀ The Village of Yama* - The once-proud seat to an ancient form of geomancy now all but lost to the world in the wake of its destruction at the hands of the Empire. Villagers who Ane may have known prior to the deaths of most everyone on the Shore of the Blue Lily are a welcome connection. There is potential for other survivors apart from Ane and the small group of children she managed to save, though know that all other geomancers perished in the attack, whether by their own lack of experience or their remaining behind to cover the retreat of those who tried to escape, and so any Yaman geomancer characters would be strictly past connections only. 🔓 ❀ Doma, a Wartorn Nation - Doma is the nation that most often saw secret services rendered by Yama’s geomancers, and Ane continues to honor that as the village’s sole arcane successor. She spent much of her formative years traveling the length and breadth of Yanxia to better understand its people and their plight with the Empire, and so there is plenty of opportunity for Doman characters to either recognize her personally (had they met while they were both younger) or to have a suspicion about her duty as a geomancer. Doman characters have lots of avenues open to them, considering she has lived among them since the ruination of Yama!  ❀ The Island Nation of Hingashi - Similar to Doma, Ane sometimes travels to Kugane when necessary. While not a place she frequents, the potential is there -- but do not be surprised if she initially regards Hingan geomancers with distance and dislike. She does not take kindly to charlatans using her beloved art to take advantage of the desperate, and there’s no shortage of such people in the port city to fuel her suspicions.

General roleplay connections. Asterisks (*) for options open only through discussion with me beforehand.

❀ A Hidden World of Geomancy* - Other geomancers, particularly those native to the continent of Othard, would likely have intimate knowledge of Yama and its people, and Ane would be more likely to trust them implicitly with certain facts than with those outside this arcane circle. I like to think of geomancy as having something like a support and information network unique to its practitioners; geomancer connections have the potential to know things about Ane that others would not! 🔓 ❀ Those looking for stationary arcane wards. - Not too unlike the magicks employed by the scholars of Nym, Yaman geomancy involves the enchantment and careful placement of keystones around a structure or area to shield it from attack or approach. If your character is in need of long-term wards for their home or business, Ane will oblige. ❀ Those seeking someone to accompany them with mobile wards. - Far trickier and taxing to employ than stationary wards but certainly not impossible. Ane wishes to help as many people as possible, and so if you’ve a character looking for some extra protection on an adventure or dangerous foray into the unknown, she’s not one to turn down a request for aid. ❀ Those in need of elemental protection. - Perhaps Ane’s greatest skill. She’s more than willing to help keep people safe by way of her clan’s geomancy; those venturing forth into an intensely aspected dungeon or region could certainly benefit from her magicks! ❀ Generally, those looking to fight for those too weak or beaten down to fight for themselves. - Often branded as a goody-goody by her guardian, Ane is quick to help those in need -- and often without a thought for the effect it could have on her. She will mesh easily with characters of similar values and morality and struggle with those who do not. But that being said... ❀ Enemies and rivals who might challenge her beliefs or give her trouble are absolutely welcome. - Conflict has excellent potential to build characterization, and I am all about that! So if you play a more evil or chaotic-aligned character, please don’t be be afraid to come push her buttons. ❀ And of course, friendships. - I’m always down for great platonic relationships, especially those that grow into familial affection. ❀ Thought of something not listed here? - Drop me a line so we can talk about it! While typically centered in the Far East, I already know of ways and reasons she would be in Eorzea -- so if your character does not frequent any of the places she spends most of her time, we can easily fix that!

❀ OOC Information ––– -

Genres: I am not particularly genre picky; I gravitate most towards those scenarios that may result in interesting, long-term character development -- and hopefully for both/all parties! I am a sucker for angst with purpose, though I do also love fluff and slice of life scenarios. So long as the scene doesn’t run out of steam or feel strained/stressed, I am a happy bean. Playstyle: I am... not very skilled when it comes to in-game roleplay. I prefer to connect one on one or in very small groups (no more than five people) so I can put my all into making certain my replies are timely, tidy, and... well, good. I prefer to write on something like tumblr or Discord, but I can do my best to make in-game work! Length: I’m someone who leans most towards a paragraph at the absolute minimum, but I can produce pages if we’re roleplaying on tumblr or Discord. Server: Balmung for roleplay/visiting with in-game friends, though my PvE main is over on Ultros. Both characters are available under the name Ane Borel. Timezone: CST. Availability: In-game: most of the time, so long as you give me a ping and ask if I can hop on! Discord: Much of the same! Please do be aware, though, that this is subject to change as I’m interviewing for some jobs and my schedule won’t be so free in the future. I’ll update this post when necessary. Contact Information: Obviously you can contact me here! This is a sideblog to my main over at @sunlitpeony, where you can also message me, and then I can give my Discord out upon request/interest.

{ banner art by: the-xaotician }

Charles Dance: how common

Charles Dance: 'the audience feels cheated if you don't be honest about yourself'

Nigel Farndale12:15AM BST 28 Oct 2007

Army officers, worthy medicos, louche aristos, and now a donnish C.S. Lewis in 'Shadowlands' – when casting directors need 'a toff actor', Charles Dance is top of their list. It's all pretending, the secret plebeian tells Nigel Farndale, and he loves it. Portrait by Joss McKinley

Given that Charles Dance is an actor, it shouldn't come as a surprise that his manner off stage is quite actorly. Yet somehow it does. I suppose it is because he is often cast as the reserved, taciturn, patrician type, while, in person, he is tactile and garrulous. Sitting on a sofa in his dressing-room at the Wyndham's Theatre, London, he makes big theatrical, off-the-shoulder gestures, taps the wood of his dressing table – the superstitious actor – and leans forward to touch my knee occasionally, to emphasise a point. Moreover, he punctuates his anecdotes with 'darlings', 'sweethearts' and 'dears'.

Physically, he looks taller and more athletic than seems decent for a 61-year-old. He doesn't dress his age, either: his 6ft 3in frame looking rangy in faded jeans, T-shirt and heavy black boots. His hair may be thinning and becoming as pale as his skin, but his face is still strong boned, his hooded eyes still flinty. Intellectually, you suspect, there is not as much depth there as he likes to think there is, but he is friendly and engaging. Like many in his profession, he enjoys having a whinge about the actor's lot.

Don't get him on the subject of dressing-rooms, for example. He has just been touring the provinces before opening in the West End this week – 'the foreplay before the penetration,' he calls it, rather alarmingly – and the dressing-room he had in Cambridge was dark and subterranean. This one is windowless and has a fan whirring, but at least it is freshly decorated and all the light bulbs around the mirror are working. 'That's thanks to Madge,' he says. 'I was doing The Play What I Wrote here in 2002, just before Madonna did a show here and she paid for the dressing-rooms to be done up. But the funny thing was?…' he bounds up from the sofa and marches across the room to the shower area; here he describes two diagonal slashes with his arms, '…?they put crime scene tapes over the shower so no one else could use it before Madge.'

The play he did before that was Long Day's Journey into Night at the Lyric on Shaftesbury Avenue. 'In the dressing-room were little sachets of vermin poison. Pretty bloody awful. There was a mattress in there with a piece of fabric that looked like Monica Lewinsky's old dress on it. Half the lightbulbs had gone. I was there for 12½ weeks doing a play that was not a bundle of laughs, so I bought some ready-made curtains and a throw and some lightbulbs and insisted they had the room painted. They brought colour swatches of white, white or white – so I chose white.'

In his latest play, the first major revival of William Nicholson's award-winning Shadowlands, Dance plays C.S. Lewis. Although Nigel Hawthorne, on stage, and Anthony Hopkins, in the Oscar-nominated film version, are hard acts to follow in that role, Dance proves himself worthy. His struggle as the middle-aged Lewis to accept that he has fallen in love for the first time, only to lose his new wife to cancer, is mesmerising. 'It is about love in the presence of pain and suffering,' Dance says. 'C.S. Lewis believes pain is a tool. Pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf world.'

Presumably getting in the right reflective mood beforehand, while sitting in a pleasant dressing-room, is crucial to this performance? 'Your mood can be affected by the state of your dressing-room, and by the day you have had, but hopefully that doesn't affect the performance.'

I ask whether he can relate to the religious aspects of the play: C.S. Lewis, the devout Christian, agonises over the faith that has let him down. 'Not at all. I am an agnostic. I'm not bothered about not knowing. Religion is at the core of the play, but we pretend. It's my job. If I'm playing a murderer I don't murder people.'

And the academic aspects, the donnish world of Oxford? 'I am not an intellectual. I am reasonably intelligent, but not intellectual.' I only ask because he often plays men who are in professions that others find inspiring: Army officers, doctors and so on. When he prepares for such roles, does he ever wonder whether, by comparison, being an actor in greasepaint is somehow not quite a proper job for a grown man? He seems affronted by this question and answers in a loud and indignant voice. 'Some might think it's a job for children, but it's not! We do work very hard!'

Slightly taken aback, I say that I didn't mean to sound rude. I reframe the question in terms of the Samuel Johnson quote about every man thinking meanly of himself for not being a soldier. 'I see; well, I like pretending to be all those things. I like pretending to be someone in the military, but whether I could do it I don't know. That's why I am an actor.'

I tell him I went to see his Coriolanus years ago, the ultimate role for an actor with martial aspirations. 'London or Stratford?' The Barbican. 'Good. I was reasonably happy with it by the time we reached the Barbican.' It was a powerful and memorable performance, I say. Perfect casting.

The irony, though, was that Coriolanus is the patrician who is condescending towards the plebeians, and Dance's background is plebeian. He is the son of Nell, a former parlour-maid.

Dance returns to his actors-are-just-pretending theme: 'I just pretend. I was able to observe the aristocracy at close quarters because my mother worked for them. She certainly worked for much posher people than we were. Housekeeping. One observed it and absorbed it. My mother married above her station. She came from the East End. I'm not sure what my father did, because he died from a perforated ulcer when I was four, but I think his family had been confectioners. And I think he had been an engineer. A little further up the social scale than my mother. He used to do the occasional music hall recitation.'

Despite this background, when Dance started out in acting a fellow actor noted that he was 'a toff actor' as opposed to 'a peasant actor'. 'It's because I have a patrician face,' Dance says. He does indeed. But it is also to do with his bearing. As an actor he has a commanding presence and a certain grace. He can convey emotions with the flicker of a muscle, with the slightest movement of the eye. Two of his more polished aristocratic roles are the Earl of Erroll in White Mischief and Lord Raymond Stockbridge in Gosford Park. When he was filming the latter he told the director, Robert Altman, that he was in the wrong place, upstairs with the toffs; he should be downstairs with the servants. Altman said: 'Not with that face, Charles.'

It might be that he learnt his patrician bearing from observing his step-father, Edward, a civil servant. He had been the lodger. He drank lots of tea and did the pools. 'A fairly solitary men who seemed to have no friends or family, but quite decent. He looked after my mother. She would say, "When your father died I had 10 bob left in the world, dear".'

His mother's wasn't a happy life. Nell nursed Edward through cancer and then died from a heart attack six months after he did, in 1984, the year The Jewel in the Crown was making her son's name. They used to row a lot, mother and son. 'Terrible emotional scenes. She was a very emotional woman.'

I ask if she was socially insecure. 'She came from the servant class, which was not the same thing as the working class. The servant class is right in the middle. I'm not sure I believe there is such a thing as a middle class: it is either working class on the way up or aristocracy on the way down. She also, of course, was a lifelong Tory voter, as most people from the servant class were; you can't possibly be governed by your equals. You have to be governed by your betters.'

His brother is 10 years older, a retired naval officer who lives in France. 'He had been a difficult adolescent and my mother thought joining the Navy would make a man of him. So she marched him off to the recruiting office when he was 15, a decision my mother regretted until the day she died. I remember sharing a bedroom with him before he left for the Navy and there were books of poetry around the place and he wasn't a bad draughtsman either. All that had to go. My mother learnt from her mistake and allowed me to indulge in poetry and the arts.'

Charles Dance had been studying graphic design and photography at Leicester Art School when he got the acting bug. Steve McQueen and Peter Finch had inspired him to become a screen actor, while 'Brian Rix dropping his trousers in a farce made me want to prance about on stage'. He abandoned his course in favour of acting lessons from two retired thespians, Leonard and Martin. They were gay, but quiet about it, as society demanded at the time.

What was he like at that age? 'When I was 19, I was long-haired, going on the Aldermaston march, shagging everything in sight. The march was more fun than anything. I'm not especially political.'

Was he narcissistic as a young man? 'Not really, not until way after my teens. Mid to late twenties, possibly. I look around now and see guys who are fantastic looking and then I look in the mirror and think this is a very odd face. It doesn't bear close scrutiny. Bags under the eyes, thinning hair, I don't see a handsome man when I look in the mirror. Never have done. It is not an easy face to photograph, which is tricky in a film career unless you are in the hands of an astute and clever director of photography. I wear clothes quite well and am reasonably fit and have a good body, but I don't think I am particularly handsome. When people first started describing me as being that, at the time of Jewel in the Crown, I was surprised, but then I learnt to embrace it, a little too fondly.'

At the time, he was described as the English Robert Redford. I suggest it must have given him confidence to be told he had matinee-idol looks, even if he couldn't see it himself. 'Confidence is something I have had to acquire. This profession is littered with people, who, by their nature, are more introvert that extrovert. I can have my flamboyant moments, but I am, by nature, an introvert. I acquired confidence by giving myself severe talkings-to from time to time. I found that aspect of Coriolanus – the opening scenes where he is confident, strutting, all "I'm f---ing wonderful, and powerful", harder to act than the more vulnerable moments later in the play when it emerges that he is a mummy's boy.'

He thinks that early on in his career he may sometimes have been cast because of his looks – but not any more. 'Now I am getting more interesting roles. Mr Tulkinghorn in the BBC adaptation of Bleak House, for example. Or Ralph Nickleby [in The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby]. He is a complete s---. Evil, but interesting. Whereas there are only so many ways you can play a romantic leading man. You know you are there for a reason.'

He described himself earlier as 'shagging everything in sight'; just how successful was he with women? 'Not that successful. You know how it is when you are a young man: lots of groping most of the time, nothing serious.'

For 23 years he was married to Joanna, a sculptor. They have grown-up children: Oliver, who works in film, and Rebecca, who is in publishing. Then, in 2004, they divorced. Dance's name has been linked to one or two actresses and models since, but he nevertheless worries that he might end up alone. He prefers not to think about it. Indeed, he feels uncomfortable with this conversation, not least because his ex-wife was door-stepped by the press at the time of their divorce. 'I'd rather you avoided the subject,' he says, 'but I can't blame "the business" for the breakdown of my marriage. I don't want to talk about it. If I had a choice in the matter I would say "please don't go into all that", but if you want to insert something about it I can't stop you.'

I note that actors tend to be liberal by inclination, that this is partly to do with the bohemian life they lead: the touring, the intimacy with fellow cast members, the abandonment of self-consciousness. In Dance's case, that includes appearing nude. He has no qualms about it, as he demonstrated recently in the film Starter for Ten. He turned up on set for that scene already naked. When the wardrobe assistant offered to cover him up, he said: 'No need, darling'.

'Well, if you've done it once, after that it doesn't bother you,' he says now. 'To continue the painting analogy, painters have brushes and paints, we have this.' He sweeps his hands the length of his body. 'The audience feels cheated if you don't open up and be honest about yourself. I feel I have cheated myself if I don't go that far. Having stuff in reserve is to cheat.'

Similarly, he is not fussy about what he appears in, so long as the money is good. He has done a number of forgettable Miss Marple-type dramas on television and memorably wore fishnets and a red rubber micro-skirt for the Ali G movie. 'I'll do anything for money,' he says. 'People talk about choices. What choices? The choice is to work or not to work.'

I suppose he has an additional choice in that he can also write, produce and direct. Notably, he wrote, produced and directed Ladies in Lavender, a film about two sisters, played by Dames Maggie Smith and Judi Dench, living on the Cornish coast, who take in a Polish stray just before the Second World War. 'There was a day when I was stupid enough to try to direct Judi. She came up with a line that was a bit sentimental for her and I knelt down and touched her knee and said: "Judi, it is a bit Celia Johnson-ish." And she said: "How dare you? And get your hand off my knee.".'

The film grossed more than $30million. 'But none of it found its way into my pocket. It all went to the f---ing distributors and sales agents. I see the returns. I get "0000" next to my name while they are coining it in. It was a bugger to get the financing together for that film. I had to ask Judi and Maggie to defer fees and they sweetly said "of course, darling", even though they knew deferment usually means deferred indefinitely.'

He slips on a black polo-neck and scoops up a packet of cigarettes from among the greasepaint pots. He is going to pop outside for a quick fag. As we walk through the theatre we talk about Shadowlands and its funereal themes. He says he would have loved to have gone to George Melly's funeral. 'He had a cardboard coffin which people wrote funny things on, like, 'You owe me 20 quid, George".'

As we stand outside the stage door, in the drizzle, I ask if he has thought about what form he would like his own funeral to take. 'God no,' he says, lighting a cigarette. 'Too busy trying to live, for f---'s sake.'

'Shadowlands' is at the Wyndham's Theatre, London W1, until 15 December; www.shadowlandstheplay.com, 0870 950 0925

source: telegraph

Artist-Poet Feature: Claudia Serea & Maria Haro

Pleased to feature artist Maria Haro alongside poet Claudia Serea with some of their collaborative work...

Where are you from? How did you get into creative work and what is your impetus for creating?

Claudia Serea:

I was born and raised in Romania, and I started writing poems when I was around 14 years old, in Romanian, of course. I wrote until my third year in college, then stopped. I immigrated to the U.S. in 1995 and took up writing almost 12 years later, this time in English. As for the reasons, I write because I believe I have something to say: my experience growing up behind the Iron Curtain, my immigration story, and the fact that I am constantly moving between two languages and cultures, not fitting perfectly in either of them. I also find inspiration everywhere around me, on New York City streets, in everyday life. I don't have to make up almost anything, just type what I see really fast. :)

Maria Haro:

I was borned in Madrid, Spain. Ever since I remember, I have been creating. My father is also an artist, so I grew up surrounded by art. I started my professional career in 1994 when I moved to New York City after graduating in graphic design.

My impetus for creating has evolved through the years. It started as something I liked to do, then something that I liked and I needed for a living, and now is evolving into something I need to do in order to make sense of it all.

Tell me about Twoxism, your current project and book, and why it’s important to you. What do you hope people get out of your work?

Claudia Serea:

I started the blog Twoxism in 2015 together with my friend, photographer Maria Haro—but the idea is older than that. The project concept came from Maria's friend, the Spanish photographer, Koldo Mirren Guinea Herran. He contributed some excellent photography to our project; he also designed the amazing cover and created the layout of the book. One of the poems I wrote for his beautiful photograph of tools was shared 1,600 times on StumbleUpon alone. I’m sure a lot of its appeal is because of this iconic image. Here it is: 

Sometimes I feel like a mechanic

Sometimes I feel like a mechanic, hammer and wrench instead of hands,

fitting the small parts, turning them this way and that, until they lock together, tight, teeth clenched.

I test the wheels, try the belt, turn the engine on and off, and on again,

listening to the wheezing, the whirr, until it works, and the growl comes on,

and the propeller starts flipping and swooshing,

and the shiny thing lifts into the air and flies into the world,

leaving me behind with my greasy hands and grimy nails,

grinning.

Maria Haro:

Twoxism started as a poetry-photography collaboration blog (www.twoxism.com) for which I took the photos and Claudia wrote the poems they inspired. In April 2017, 33 selections from the blog became an art exhibition that opened in New York City. Recently, Twoxism became a book published in December 2018 by the Canadian press 8th House Publishing. 

Twoxism is an invented word for all things two—among them, love, friendship, and relationships. We had a great response to the blog, with +15K page views and +40K impressions on Twitter and growing. As a project, it finds beauty in unexpected places and sees the mundane with redemptive eyes. As a book, it speaks of love and relationships in a new way. We hope others find it fresh, inspiring, and authentic. I personally started to better understand personal relationships through the photos I take and the lens of the artists who contribute to Twoxism.

Does collaboration play a role in your work—whether with your community, artists or others? How so, and how does this impact your work?

Claudia Serea:

I love collaborating with other artists. Collaboration gives my poems the chance to be shared with and enjoyed by more people. It gives the poem a new life. Apart from Twoxism, I collaborated with film directors who turned my poems into videos. My poem In Those years, No One Slept was set to music for choir by composer Rich Campbell, and the song won the top prize at the 2018 Uncommon Music Festival last August. I have another ongoing poetry-photography project with artist Mike Markham which, who knows, might become an exhibition or book in the future. And Maria and I we’ll keep Twoxism growing as long as it can. We are just getting started.

Maria Haro:

My biggest drive now is to discover what is possible through collaboration, and everything has to have a purpose. I am mostly interested in creating work than helps others using my design, photography, and artistic skills. I always have more projects on my mind that time to execute them and make the best of them. That is where collaboration really makes sense to me. Things are always better together.

Considering the political climate, how do you think the temperature is for the arts right now, what/how do you hope it may change or make a difference?

Claudia Serea:

Creativity knows no limits and no one can contain it, although some might try. The arts are hot in the U.S., and they will always be. Language is also extremely important in shaping our message and connecting us with emotion. Here is a poem from Twoxism that explores language’s important role, accompanied by Maria’s evocative photo:

About languages

In what language does the house painter paint?

Does the wind in Chile speak Spanish to the trees?

Do the gulls over the Hudson River cry Whitman’s verse?

And what about the Statue of Liberty?

In what language does she keep silent?

Coming from Romania, I feel fortunate to be in the United States and share my poems in English with the artists here. Who knew something like this could happen? I never thought I would get here in the first place. We get to write and express ourselves, and that is thrilling to me. I am very grateful for that. In turn, we must fight to open doors for others, and not create in a vacuum. There are countless artists and poets who live under oppressive regimes and don’t get this chance. We need to raise our voices and help them in any way we can. It’s an uphill battle, but I have faith we can contribute to the change.

Maria Haro:

Being an artist is hard, and it will always be, no matter where you are and what political climate you’re in. But it really helps to be in Madrid and in New York City where there is freedom to express yourself and a lot of receptivity to art.

Art is very intangible. You can only break through when you touch the viewer’s emotions and cause disruption. I will continue to try to do that for the rest of my life.

Sense of humor is another great weapon to have. I love to explore through my art the political environment and discover in deeper layers what is really going on and how it translates into our daily lives. Here is a twoxism that illustrates that:

High stakes entertainment

When all of this is over,

we'll have invented a new game,

the American roulette.

All is fair in love and war. So pass the popcorn, the wine, lots of wine, and the remote.

Artist Wanda Ewing, who curated and titled the original LFF exhibit, examined the perspective of femininity and race in her work, and spoke positively of feminism, saying “yes, it is still relevant” to have exhibits and forums for women in art; does feminism play a role in your work?

Claudia Serea:

In Twoxism, we explored the topic of empowering women in several combinations of poems and photographs. The goddess woman, the working woman, the skateboarding girl who is afraid to fall, the mother, the lover, the friend, they all find voices in the book. One of my favorites pieces is “Ode to the warrior woman,” paired with a beautiful photo of red lipstick as a “weapon” of choice by Maria Haro. Here it is:

Ode to the warrior woman

Beautiful woman, the world is still cruel and wild.  Bring out the thunderbolts and don’t be afraid of the fight.

 Put on your lipstick and pull up your boots. Grab your sword and slay the dragons on your way to work.

Walk in knee-high blood on 7th Avenue and don’t let anyone see the quiver in your heart.

 Be kind and smile. Don’t let them see that you’re hurt.

Sharpen your talons, merciless bird.

Woman, you da man, the man’s womb, you da bomb!

 Galaxies explode from your sex,  Milky Way swirls and pours out of your breasts.

Tell the little girl inside you to hush.

Swing the bow on your back and spread your eagle wings.

There is so much to fight for, so much to do.

Put on your lipstick, girl.

The world is waiting for you.

Maria Haro:

There isn’t really a choice for us to demand equal rights for women. It’s mandatory (and I have projects coming up that directly address this topic.)

Ewing’s advice to aspiring artists was “you’ve got to develop the skill of when to listen and when not to;” and “Leave. Gain perspective.”  What is your favorite advice you have received or given?

Claudia Serea:

Keep writing even if you get rejected. Be honest and true to yourself. And, most importantly, never give up. Persistence is the most important quality.

Maria Haro:

Attack your fears by being fearless.

How do the birds know when it’s time to fly?

They must feel a restlessness, or a clock striking in their brain,

an itch, or a longing in the bones.

Or maybe the roads are calling, unfolding ahead,

new balconies of the city, glimmering windows and highways of air.

That’s when I have to say goodbye to my friends of the same feather

and prepare to travel light, with only love as carry-on.

Then, without thinking too much, the leap:

the push off the ledge, a flap or two.

I lean my chest against the wind and glide.

The current pours and lifts me up, up, so I can see everything.

Farewell, past.

Twoxism by CLAUDIA SEREA & MARIA HARO

Published by 8th House Publishing, Montreal, Canada

Order the book here.

6 x 9 | Paperback | December 2018

116 pages | Price: $20.00

ISBN 978-1-926716-53-4

Follow us on the blog Twoxism and on Instagram @Twoxism.

Claudia Serea is an award-winning Romanian-born poet whose poems and translations appeared in Field, New Letters, Gravel, Prairie Schooner, RHINO, The Malahat Review, and elsewhere. She has published five poetry collections, most recently Twoxism, a poetry-photography collaboration with Maria Haro (8th House Publishing, 2018). Serea is a founding editor of National Translation Month and a co-host of The Williams Poetry Readings series in Rutherford, NJ.

Maria Haro grew up in Madrid, Spain, where she studied fine arts and graphic design. She graduated from the School of Graphic Communications and moved to New York City in 1994. She has won several global awards as a Creative Director in pharma advertising. She collaborates with other artists on projects that inspire her. You can find her photos on Instagram @mariavisualdesigner.

~

Les Femmes Folles is a volunteer organization founded in 2011 with the mission to support and promote women in all forms, styles and levels of art from around the world with the online journal, print annuals, exhibitions and events; originally inspired by artist Wanda Ewing and her curated exhibit by the name Les Femmes Folles (Wild Women). LFF was created and is curated by Sally Deskins.  LFF Booksis a micro-feminist press that publishes 1-2 books per year by the creators of Les Femmes Folles including the award-winning Intimates & Fools (Laura Madeline Wiseman, 2014) , The Hunger of the Cheeky Sisters: Ten Tales (Laura Madeline Wiseman/Lauren Rinaldi, 2015 and Mes Predices (catalog of art/writing by Marie Peter Toltz, 2017).Other titles include Les Femmes Folles: The Women 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015 and 2016 available on blurb.com, including art, poetry and interview excerpts from women artists. A portion of the proceeds from LFF books and products benefit the University of Nebraska-Omaha’s Wanda Ewing Scholarship Fund.

Current call for collaborative art-writing: http://femmesfollesnebraska.tumblr.com/post/181376606692/lff-2019-artistpoet-collaborations

https://www.facebook.com/femmesfolles

“Mind Your Matter”

I am so excited about this one, Its a little lengthy, But I hope you find time to curl up with a hot cup of your favorite tea and ENJOY!

Over the last few years people have really taking up the importance of Mindfulness. What is Mindfulness many of you will ask. Mindfulness is the ability to be present in this moment, the ability to filter your thoughts and emotions without attachment. It is the ability to be totally objective when a thought or emotion arises, the ability to not be consumed by these thoughts or emotions. It is the ability to live completely in the present without fear of the future and pain of the past. Mindfulness a necessary tool to inner peace, stillness, joy, health, abundance and happiness. Sounds euphoric and maybe slightly impossible doesn't it? It is completely possible and completely peaceful. I grew up roman catholic, I believed in God and structural religion for as long as i could remember. My spiritual journey started later in my life about 5 years ago. Today my relationship with faith is unwithering, I could never say that about structural religion before. Structural religion in my opinion left me with more questions than answers. I was very confused about many aspects of life. I had a lot of guilt and insecurities about my own character, personality, thoughts, sexuality, emotions, upbringing, past, future and present. I did not feel that structural religion was really an avenue I enjoyed. I do not enjoy being judged by a man of faith, scrutinized for my lifestyle choices, or guilt-ed into doing the right things and expected to be the perfect person. Structural religion, at least Catholicism I have felt really puts a lot of pressure and fixation on being well for lack of a better word, a saint. I am no saint, like many of you, nor do I want the pressure of religion dictating the right and wrong way to live my life.   Spirituality gave me the freedom to really open up and explore my inner self, without judgement, without strict guidelines of right and wrong, good and evil, black and white. Spirituality does not believe in duality, it believes we are one. Our souls are an extension of a greater universal energy, (what you choose to call that energy is up to you, God, Mother earth, Spirit, Universe, Allah ETC. ) WE are on this earth, visiting, having a human experience. We are suppose to experience everything in life. The joy, the sadness, the happiness, the pain, the highs and the lows - every emotion in order for us to grow, evolve, and learn our souls. Inner balance, self awareness and peace will keep you grounded on the right path, it will open up the bigger picture. Spirituality believes in putting your needs and desires prior to anyone else, if you are not mentally and emotionally healthy how can you possibly be helpful to others? MAJORITY of us go through the motions of life, saddled with resentment and guilt for that resentment. spiritually awoken, or inclined individuals believe in boundaries, knowing when to step away, cut off or keep a distance from toxic people and situations. We also believe in accepting what we cannot change or leave and being at peace with that discussion. Keeping yourself balanced and peaceful is really all about being mindful of your present. We poison own minds almost compulsively with racing thoughts and emotions. The truth is, we do not know where our thoughts arise from, they are random, and usually accompany us with an emotional response based on our natural ability to survive, or our memory makes connections based on past experience. This is why if we allow our thoughts to run the show we find ourselves worried about the future or grieving over the past and even repeating the past. Being mindful gives you the tools to be the observer of your thoughts and emotions, and not allow them to control you any longer. Being present in this moment allows you to discover all that is within you, inner stillness, joy, and peace. We constantly look for fulfillment outside of ourselves which is also why it is difficult to be present, we are always searching for the next best thing to make us happy. The simple truth is- everything is within, everything already exist in this current moment within you, seek nothing outside of yourself, be happy and grateful for who you are in this moment and what is happening right now in front of you. Our power as spiritual beings is amazing. Each one of us has the capacity to experience our own feelings and thoughts without allowing them to control us. In order to obtain this you must stop judging and attaching to your thoughts and emotions. Take a step back and be objective in whatever pops into your mind, or arises in feelings, watch it, accept it, and let go (I personally find myself making sassy comments at my thoughts like "where the hell did that come from girl, laugh at it and keep a going").  Just because you think it or feel it does not make it reality, in fact it is the opposite majority of the time. We are the root of our own suffering, our problems all arise in our thoughts and emotions because they arise from us, not to us. we spend way too much time in our heads and not enough time living this moment. Now your sitting there asking "well how can you make decisions if you cannot use your mind that is absurd!", Use your mind, task at hand, stay present, stop allowing your mind to use you. When you feel an emotional response to a thought or memory, bring yourself back to the moment, make yourself aware of your feelings and thoughts, let it rise, observe, ask yourself do i have a problem in this moment?, ask yourself is this emotion or thought relevant to this moment? where is this coming from? what triggered this? Most of the time the answer to these questions are "no everything is okay in this moment",  "thinking about this made me think of that", "no its not relevant to anything in this moment", and let the emotion and or thought pass. What i am proposing is very difficult to imagine for most people. You will have a sense of betrayal and guilt once you start this process and this is your minds way of surviving by trying to manipulate  you. Realizing you are identifying yourself as a being of your mind, your deepest ideas, beliefs and hopes and dreams will all be questioned, this is okay let this process happen without judgement or guilt of yourself.  Be kind, be compassionate, be supportive of yourself, same as you would for a friend or family member. For someone who is ready to question and grow, mindfulness is a liberating practice and way of life. For most who are not sure but want to try, this will be an uncomfortable experience in a sense it will open you up to question everything you are, because you have allowed your thought and emotional response patterns to identify who you are for so long unconsciously. (like most of us have, we are all guilty of this, there is no judgement from me.) This is a normal reaction to what you have embarked on, you are now experiencing consciousness. You are fighting against your autopilot mode, for lack of a better term. Remember to stress the present, when you feel your mind drifting to past or future, just bring yourself back to the moment, use your senses, breathing, or any other mindful techniques that might work for you. (the internet is full of different mindful techniques). When you feel these emotions arise about yourself observe acknowledge and let go, and reassure yourself with self love- do not put stock in these emotions or thoughts. Many of you may not be use to or familiar with self love, compassion and encouragement. You must practice self love, and awareness prior to starting your journey of mindfulness. Nobody else can do this for you or support you in the way you need, other than yourself. Mindfulness is really about stripping away everything you thought you knew and allowing the universe to teach you how to be still, be silent, let go, stand your ground when you really need too, create boundaries, how to be more understanding, how to be more assertive, when and how to fight for yourself and how to not just survive but to actually live life and enjoy every moment. Mindfulness stops the creation of unrealistic expectations, fear, and anxiety for people and situations in life. It really allows you to just flow with your natural energy and the universe will respond to you. (this is known as the Law of attraction, you can read about this further in one of my favorite books called "The Secret" and they also have a documentary on Netflix to further understand the concepts discussed in the book) I really want to stress that being mindful does not mean you should resist or deny your thoughts and emotions, it is extremely healthy to acknowledge your emotions and thoughts so that they no longer have power and control over you. However there is a fine line between acknowledging and obsession/ dwelling. That is why mindfulness is so difficult because we easily fall into old patterns of judging and obsessing over every single emotion or thought that arises. We spin it into all these different potential scenarios, We manifest our worst fears and make them a reality. Learn from your past, plan for your future, live in the present. ​ The best books I have read so far to help me on this journey of mindfulness and self love, awareness and consciousness (which in my opinion go hand and hand) have been "The Secret, "The Awakened Empath" and "The Power of Now. " My own personal practice of Mindfulness has only just begun the last few months, I have done more spiritual work necessary for myself prior to embarking on this journey, You must find whatever works for you individually. There are plenty of books, videos and articles and blogs out there to guide you on your journey, please let this be one of many stops on your journey to true consciousness. Good luck!

what #back2school is about

As I think back over the last 11 years and forward to this weekend’s events there are several things that sick out to me.  Just hear my out today and take these in, if you can. I believe the church is to be the most creative institution on earth because we have the greatest message to share.

Be a broker of hope. Yep.  I just took a financial term and applied it to faith.  We give hope through sharing with others, through hugs, through words of encouragement, through telling our story, through smiles and so many ways.  I believe that the core of #back2school is being a messenger of real, lasting hope.

Ephesians 1:18 NLT

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called—his holy people who are his rich and glorious inheritance.

Be a “people person”.  Our greatest asset is not what is in the bank account or how great our buildings are. People are the reason we serve. People are also the avenues of serve. People are the receivers of the gifts and sacrifices.  People are also some of the most difficult parts of what we deal with in life.  The #back2school project is all about people and lifting people.  The shoes and backpacks are the tools to reach and love people.

Galatians 5:13 NLT

For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love.

Be a giver and not a taker.  We have lots of those, takers.  Always with a hand out ready to take.  Be one with your hand out ready to give.  Even when we are taken advantage of or laughed at or when we feel inadequate. Be a giver who leverages what you have to help someone else be stronger.  It might even be more powerful if you choose to give to someone who cannot do anything in return.  #back2school is about giving to help students be stronger.

Psalm 112:9 NLT

They share freely and give generously to those in need. Their good deeds will be remembered forever. They will have influence and honor.

Be about God’s glory, not yours.  It really is all about God.  That is simply, and it really is that simple.  God started the process and keeps it going.  He is the creator.  He is the one who give us strength.  The #back2school outreach was started and continues as a lighthouse, if you will, to shine a light on God for all to see.  Give Him the glory.  Let others see His glory.

John 12:32 NLT

And when I am lifted up from the earth, I will draw everyone to myself.”

Romans 15:6 NLT

Then all of you can join together with one voice, giving praise and glory to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Be part of #back2school.  Give by going to www.gob2s.com and click donate.  You can also give supplies, clothes and other items.  Serve.  Show up at any site Saturday morning or at The Community Fellowship Friday morning. Pray much.  This event takes months to plan and only hours to pull off. It really is all about the kids and their seeing God, grasping His hope and preparing for a great year of school.

Thank you for reading this AND for being part of #back2school 2018